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{{Distinguish|Anonymity|Anonymous (group)}}
[[File:Albert-L-Pollins-1.jpg|thumb|''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'' is a famous anonymous saying]]
'''[[w:Anonymous|Anonymous]]''' is the adjective form of [[anonymity]] derived from the [[w:Koine Greek|Greek]] word '''ἀνωνυμία''', ''anonymia'', meaning "without a [[name]]" or "namelessness." It commonly refers to the state of an individual's personal identity, or personally identifiable information, being publicly unknown, intentionally or unintentionally. This article is for famous or notable quotes whose author is unknown.
== Quotes ==
=== Egyptian ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Book of the Dead]]'''''
::'''''[[Great Hymn to the Aten]]'''''
::'''''[[Teaching for King Merykara]]'''''
* No one goes away and then comes back.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by [[w:William Kelly Simpson|W. K. Simpson]] in ''The Literature of Ancient Egypt'' (1972), pp. 296–327
* Remember: it is not given to man to take his goods with him.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)
* There is no one who can return from there, <br> To describe their nature, to describe their dissolution, <br> That he may still our desires, <br> Until we reach the place where they have gone.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 5, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)
=== English ===
==== Old English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Beowulf]]'''''
::'''''[[Anglo-Saxon Chronicle]]'''''
::'''''[[The Battle of Maldon]]'''''
::'''''[[The Ruin]]'''''
::'''''[[The Seafarer (poem)|The Seafarer]]'''''
::'''''[[The Wanderer (poem)|The Wanderer]]'''''
::'''''[[Maxims (Old English poems)|Maxims]]'''''
==== Middle English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Cursor Mundi]]'''''
::'''''[[Everyman (play)|Everyman]]'''''
::'''''[[The Babees Book]]'''''
* ''Blow, northerne wynd,<br>Sent thou me my suetyng!<br>Blow, northerne wynd,<br>Blou! Blou! Blou!''
** Harley MS. 2253 ([[Harley Lyrics]], art. 46; ed. Susanna Fein, 2015)
* ''Bothe lered and lewed, olde and yonge, <br> Alle understonden English tonge.''
** ''{{w|Speculum Vitae}}'' ('Mirror of Life'; late 14th cent.) l. 77
* ''Evyl weed ys sone y growe.''
** [[w:Harleian Library|Harley MS]]. 1490; reported in ''Hoyt's'' (1922) p. 867
* ''For I muste to the grene wode goo, alone a bannysshed man.''
** For I must to the green-wood go, <br> Alone, a banished man.
** "The Nut-Brown Maid" (1502), st. 5, [[w:Oxford Book of English Verse|''OBEV'']] (1939)
* ''For in my mynde, of all mankynde I loue but you allon.''
** For, in my mind, of all mankind <br> I love but you alone.
** "[[w:The Nut-Brown Maid|The Nut-Brown Maid]]" (1502), st. 4, ''OBEV'' (1939)
* ''Foweles in the frith,<br>The fisses in the flod,<br>And I mon waxe wod;<br>Mulch sorwe I walke with<br>For best of bon and blod.''
** "[[w:Foweles in the frith|Fowels in the Frith]]" (13th cent.), E. K. Chambers and F. Sidgwick (eds.) ''Early English Lyrics, Amorous, Divine, Moral and Trivial'' (<!--London: A. H. Bullen, -->1907) p. 5 <!-- MS. Douce 139, f.5r -->
* ''Ich am of Irlaunde,<br>Ant of the holy londe<br> Of Irlande.<br>Gode sire, pray ich the,<br>For of saynte charité,<br>Come ant daunce wyth me<br> In Irlaunde.''
** "[[w:Ich am of Irlaunde|The Irish Dancer]]" (14th cent.), ''OBEV'' (1939)
* ''I wold not be in a folis paradyce.''
** I would not be in a fool's paradise.
** ''[[Paston Letters]]'', no. 562 (July 1462) ed. James Gairdner (1904) vol. 4
* ''Lever me were to lete mi liif,<br>Than thus to lese the quen mi wiif!''
** ''{{w|Sir Orfeo}}'' (early 14th cent.) l. 177, Kenneth Sisam (ed.) ''Fourteenth Century Verse and Prose'' (1921) p. 19
* ''O little booke, thou art so unconning, <br> How darst thou put thy-self in prees for drede?''
** ''[[w:The Floure and the Leafe|The Floure and the Leafe]]'' (c. 1470) l. 59. Formerly attributed to [[Chaucer]]
* ''Perle, pleasaunte to prynces paye<br>To clanly clos in golde so clere,<br>Oute of [[W:Orient|oryent]], I hardyly saye,<br>Ne proued I neuer her precios pere.''
** [[w:Pearl (poem)|''Pearl'']] (late 14th cent.) opening lines
* ''"Say me, viit in the brom,<br>Teche me wou I sule don<br>That min hosebonde<br>Me lovien wolde."{{pb}}"Hold thine tunke stille<br>And haw al thine wille."''
** "Say Me, Wight in the Broom" (c. 1300), Carleton Brown (ed.) ''English Lyrics of the XIIIth Century'' (1932) no. 21, p. 32 <!-- T.C.C. MS. 323, f.28r. Cf. B.M. Addit. MS. 11579, f.29r -->
* ''Sumer is icumen in,<br>Lhude sing cuccu!<br>Groweth sed, and bloweth med,<br>And springth the wude nu—<br>Sing cuccu!''
** "{{w|Sumer is icumen in}}" (13th cent.), ''OBEV'''' (1939)
* ''Were beth they biforen us weren,<br>Houndës ladden and hauekës beren,<br>And hadden feld and wodë?<br>The richë levedies in hoerë bour,<br>That wereden gold in hoerë tressour,<br>With hoerë brighttë rodë;{{pb}}Eten and drounken, and maden hem glad;<br>Hoere lif was al with gamen i-lad,<br>Men kneleden hem biforen;<br>They beren hem wel swithë heyë;<br>And in a twincling of an eyë<br>Hoere soulës weren forloren.''
** "Ubi sunt qui ante nos fuerunt?" (c. 1300), Carl Horstmann and F. J. Furnivall (eds.) ''The Minor Poems of the Vernon MS.'' (1901) vol. 2, p. 761 <!-- MS. Digby 86, f.126v—27r -->
* ''Westron wynde when wyll thow blow<br>The smalle rayne downe can rayne<br>Cryst yf my love were in my armys<br>And I yn my bed agayne.''
** O western wind, when wilt thou blow <br> That the small rain down can rain? <br> Christ, that my love were in my arms <br> And I in my bed again!
** "[[w:Westron Wynde|The Lover in Winter Plaineth for the Spring]]" (c. 1500), ''OBEV'' (1939)
==== Early Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Border ballads]]'''''
* A crafty knave needs no broker.
** ''[[A Knack to Know a Knave|A Merry Knack to Know a Knave]]'' (ed. 1594) p. 33 (Honesty)
* A heavy purse makes a light heart.
** ''Wily Beguiled'' (c. 1602) l. 1
**:<small>Cf. Ben Jonson, ''The New Inn'', act 1, sc. 1 (Host)</small>
* A right woman — either love like an angel, <br> Or hate like a devil — in extremes to dwell.
** ''The Rare Triumphs of Love and Fortune'' (1589) act 1 (Penulo)
* And let all women strive to be <br> As constant as Penelope.
** ''A Looking-glass for Ladies, or A Mirrour for Married Women'' (c. 1674-79) st. 18, last lines <!-- Also in Percy's ''Reliques'' -->
* Any food, any feeding,<br>Feeding, drink, or clothing;<br>Come dame or maid, be not afraid,<br>Poor Tom will injure nothing.
** "[[w:Tom o' Bedlam|Tom o' Bedlam]]" (c. 1615) refrain
* April is in my mistress' face, <br> And July in her eyes hath place; <br> Within her bosom is September, <br> But in her heart a cold December.
** "April Is in My Mistress' Face", in Thomas Morley, ''Madrigals to Four Voices'' (1594) <!-- Cf. Robert Greene, ''Perimedes the Blacksmith'' (1588): "Fair is my love for April’s in her face." -->
* Break her betimes, and bring her under by force,<br>Or else the grey mare will be the better horse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)
* But he that takes not such time, while he may,<br>Shall leap at a whiting, when time is away.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Will)
* Eternal vigilance is the price we pay for liberty.
** Earliest known publication in the (Bennington) ''Vermont Gazette'' (8 July 1817) p. 2. Later misattributed to [[Thomas Jefferson]]. Reported in Anna Berkes, [https://www.monticello.org/encyclopedia/eternal-vigilance-price-liberty-spurious-quota "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty (Spurious Quotation)"], monticello.org (11 August 2010)
* For he that leaps, before he look, good son,<br>May leap in the mire, and miss what he hath done.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)
* From the hag and hungry goblin<br>That into rags would rend ye,<br>The spirit that stands by the naked man<br>In the Book of Moons defend ye.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 1
* God be in my head,<br>And in my understanding,{{pb}}God be in my eyes,<br>And in my looking,{{pb}}God be in my mouth,<br>And in my speaking,{{pb}}God be in my heart,<br>And in my thinking,{{pb}}God be at my end,<br>And at my departing.
** ''Sarum Primer'' (1558)
* Greensleeves was all my joy,<br>Greensleeves was my delight:<br>Greensleeves was my heart of gold,<br>And who but my lady Greensleeves.
** "[[w:Greensleeves|Greensleeves]]", refrain, in ''A Handful of Pleasant Delights'' (1584; [[s:A Handful of Pleasant Delights/A new Courtly Sonet, of the Lady Greensleeves|ed.]] Edward Arber, 1878)
* Ground me no grounds.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)
**:<small>Cf. [[John Redford]], ''The Play of Wit and Science''</small>
* He is but a fool that, when all fails, cannot live upon his wit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)
* He's best at ease that meddleth least.
** ''[[Fair Em]]'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1383 (Manville)<!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) pp. 98, 154-->
* I had need of a long spoon, now I go to eat with the devil.
** ''[[Grim the Collier of Croydon|Grim, the Collier of Croydon]]'' (1662) act 5, sc. 1 (Grim)
* I know more than Apollo,<br>For oft, when he lies sleeping<br>I see the stars at bloody wars<br>In the wounded welkin weeping.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 6
* (I would topple with ye <br> And) pluck a good crow.
** ''The History of Jacob and Esau'' (c. 1558) act 2, sc. 2 (Ragan)<!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) p. 209-->
* It's pride that puts this country down: <br> Man, take thy old cloak about thee!
** "The Old Cloak", st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)
* Kill then, and bliss me, <br> But first come, kiss me.
** "Dainty Fine Sweet Nymph Delightful", in Thomas Morley, ''The First Book of Ballets to Five Voices'' (1595) <!-- E. H. Fellowes (ed.) ''English Madrigal Verse 1588-1632'' (1820) p. 133 -->
* King Stephen was a worthy peer; <br> His breeches cost him but a crown.
** "The Old Cloak", st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)
* Love me little, love me long, <br> Is the burden of my song.
** "Love Me Little, Love Me Long" (1569–70) l. 1<!-- Text from Charles Mackay (ed.) ''The Book of English Songs'' (1851) p. 22 -->
* Love, that covers multitude of sins, <br> Makes love in parents wink at children’s faults.
** ''Fair Em'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1270 (Zeveno)
* More haste than good speed makes many fare the worse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)
* No burial these<!-- two--> pretty babes <br> Of any man receives <br> Till Robin Redbreast painfully<!--or 'piously'--> <br> Did cover them with leaves.
** "[[Babes in the Wood|Two Babes in the Wood]]" (1595; [[s:Two babes in the wood, or, The Norfolk gentleman's last will and testament|ed.]] Glasgow: J. & M. Robertson, 1802)
* The blinded boy that shootes so trim <br> From heaven downe did hie. <!-- i.e. [[Cupid]] -->
** "[[w:The King and the Beggar-maid|King Cophetua and the Beggar-Maid]]", st. 2 ([[w:Internet Sacred Text Archive|ISTA]] [https://sacred-texts.com/neu/eng/boeb/boeb04.htm *])
* The devil cannot tie a woman's tongue.
** ''Grim, the Collier of Croydon'' (1662) act 2, sc. 1 (Castiliano)
* The gypsies, Snap and Pedro,<br>Are none of Tom's comradoes,<br>The punk I scorn and the cutpurse sworn,<br>And the roaring boy's bravadoes.<br>The meek, the white, the gentle<br>Me handle, touch, and spare not;<br>But those that cross Tom Rynosseros<br>Do what the panther dare not.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 7
* The moon's my constant mistress,<br>And the lowly owl my marrow;<br>The flaming drake and the night crow make<br>Me music to my sorrow.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 4
* The sound is honey, but the sense is gall.
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 4 (Soliman)
* (They are) no more like, <br> Than chalk is to cheese.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 5, sc. 1 (Science)
* 'Tis an ill wind that blows no man to profit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)
* Virtue is the shoeing-horn of justice.
** [[Parnassus plays|''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'']] (1606) act 4, sc. 3 (Kemp)
* What poor astronomers are they, <br> Take women’s eyes for stars!
** "What Poor Astronomers Are They", in John Dowland, ''The Third Book of Songs or Airs'' (1603) <!-- W. S. Braithwaite (ed.) ''The Book of Elizabethan Verse'' (1907) -->
* Who blurs fair paper with foul bastard rhymes,<br>Shall live full many an age in latter times:<br>Who makes a ballad for an alehouse door,<br>Shall live in future times for evermore.
** ''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'' (1606) act 1, sc. 2 (Judicio)
* Why, what is Love but Fortune’s tennis-ball?
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 1 (Fortune)
* With a host of furious fancies<br>Whereof I am commander,<br>With a burning spear and a horse of air,<br>To the wilderness I wander.<br>By a knight of ghosts and shadows<br>I summoned am to tourney<br>Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end:<br>Methinks it is no journey.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 8
==== Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[English proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Junius|Letters of Junius]]'''''
::'''''[[The New England Primer|New England Primer]]'''''
::'''''[[Nursery rhymes]]'''''
::'''''[[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]'''''
* A lie is an abomination unto the Lord, but a very present help in time of trouble.
** A "school boy", quoted in [[w:The Living Church|''The Living Church'']] (2 September 1899) p. 394
* Faster horses, older whiskey, younger women, and more money.
** Boast of the American West, attributed to railroad men who came to Texas in search of oil (late 19th or early 20th century); in Sally Helgesen, ''Wildcatters: A Story of Texans, Oil, and Money'' (1981) p. 29<!-- Spanish translation in ''Il Piccolo di Trieste'' (11 May 1986) p. 3: "''Cavalli più veloci, whisky più vecchio, ragazze più giovani. I tempi nuovi hanno aggiunto una quarta voce: più denaro.''" -->. Cf. [[Tom T. Hall]]
* From Ghoulies and Ghoosties, long-leggety Beasties, and Things that go Bump in the Night,<br>Good Lord, deliver us!
** "Quaint Old Litany", in [[Alfred Noyes]] (ed.) ''The Magic Casement'' (1908) p. viii
* If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
** Quoted among the Extension of Remarks of Charles B. Rangel before the U.S. House of Representatives, 25 October 1973, in the ''Congressional Record'' (26 October 1973) p. 35189; also in [[Paul du Feu]], ''Let's Hear It for the Long-Legged Women'' (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1973) p. 65. Variant ("you shouldn't" instead of "don't") quoted by Leo Aikman, "You're Never Out of Reach", in ''The Atlanta Constitution'' (28 May 1957) p. 2
* In the year 1690, the same in which Ichabod Paddock was sent for from Cape Cod, ... some persons were on a high hill, afterwards called Folly House Hill, observing the whales spouting and sporting with each other, when one observed "''there''," pointing to the sea, "''is a green pasture where our children's grand-children will go for bread.''"
** [[Obed Macy]], ''The History of Nantucket'' (Boston: Hilliard, Gray, and Co., 1835) p. 33 <!-- Quoted in ''[[Moby-Dick]]'' (1851) Extracts (Supplied by a Sub-Sub-Librarian) -->
* Keep a [[w:stiff upper lip|stiff upper lip]].
** ''New England Galaxy & Masonic Magazine'', vol. 2, no. 89 (25 June 1819) p. 3, cols. 1–2
** See also: [[Phoebe Cary]]
* Love starts when you sink in his arms and ends with your arms in his sink.
** In ''The Shepherd College Picket'', [https://archive.org/details/picket1941-1943shepu/page/n189/mode/2up vol. 47] (November 9, 1943), p. 4
* [[w:May you live in interesting times|May you live in interesting times]].
** Quoted as a "Chinese curse", in Hughe Knatchbull-Hugessen, ''Diplomat in Peace and War'' (John Murray, 1949) p. ix
* O Paddy dear, an’ did ye hear the news that’s goin’ round? <br> The shamrock is by law forbid to grow on Irish ground; <br> St. Patrick’s Day no more we’ll keep, his colour can’t be seen, <br> For there’s a cruel law agin the wearin’ o’ the Green.
** "[[w:The Wearing of the Green|The Wearing of the Green]]" (c. 1798) st. 1
* Old soldiers never die —<br>They simply<!--or 'just', 'only'--> fade away.
** "[[w:Old soldiers never die|Old Soldiers Never Die]]" (c. 1914–18) l. 4 <!-- John Brophy and Eric Partridge, ''The Long Trail'' (1965) p. 59 -->
[[File:Cruikshank - The Allied Bakers.png|thumb|Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise. —Mr. Br----]]
* Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
** In [[Daniel Dennett]], [[w:Breaking the Spell (Dennett book)|''Breaking the Spell'']] (US: Viking, 2006), p. 17<!--{{ISBN|0-670-03472-X}}-->
* Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise.
** "Epigram on a Certain Line of Mr. Br----, Author of a Copy of Verses, Call'd the British Beauties", in [[Lewis Theobald]] (ed.) ''The Grove; or, A Collection of Original Poems, Translations, &c'' (1721), p. 294 [http://books.google.com/books?id=Y9kIAAAAQAAJ&q=%22Praise%22+%22is+satire+in+disguise%22&pg=PA294#v=onepage] [http://books.google.com/books?id=HnACAAAAQAAJ&q=%22Praise+undeserv'd+is+scandal+in+disguise%22&pg=PA118#v=onepage]
* Question everything; accept nothing without proof.
** In Elizabeth Janet Gray, [https://archive.org/details/anthologywithcom0000vini/page/38/mode/2up?q=%22Question+everything%2C+accept+nothing%22 ''Anthology with Comments''] (1942), p. 39<!--Quoted by Ethan Skyler; used in 2002 in reference to Galileo, para. 9 [http://www.physicsnews1.com/article_9.html] ~ deadlink-->
* Real [[Programming|programmers]] don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand.
** Appeared in "[[w:Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal|Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal]]" (July 1983), but may or may not have been in existence beforehand
* Rebellion to tyrants [''or'' resistance to tyranny] is obedience to God.
** Anglo-American maxim, variously attributed: see [[John Bradshaw (judge)|John Bradshaw]] and [[Simon Bradstreet]]
* Remember, remember! <br> The fifth of November, <br> The Gunpowder treason and plot; <br> I know of no reason <br> Why the Gunpowder treason <br> Should ever be forgot!
** "[[w:Guy Fawkes Night|The Fifth of November]]" (c. 1870), st. 1 (PotW.org [https://potw.org/archive/potw405.html *])
* Remember the Alamo!
** Common American war cry, invoking the [[w:Battle of the Alamo|Battle of the Alamo]] (6 March 1836)
* Send him victorious, <br> Happy and glorious, <br> Long to reign over us, <br> God save the king.
** "[[w:God Save the King|A Song for Two Voices]]" (1745) st. 1 <!-- ''The Gentleman's Magazine'', vol. 15, no. 10 (October 1745) p. 552 -->
* Some talk of Alexander, and some of Hercules; <br> Of Hector and Lysander, and such great names as these. <br> But of all the world's brave heroes, there's none that can compare, <br> With a tow, row row, row row, row row, to the British grenadier.
** "[[w:The British Grenadiers|The British Grenadiers]]" (c. 1750) st. 1 <!-- J. C. Hutchieson (ed.) ''Fugitive Poetry, 1600–1878'' (London: Frederick Warne and Co, 1878) -->
* ''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:<br>Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung.
** "The Flight from Granada", st. 1. Traditional ballad on the ''reconquista'' of [[w:Granada War|Granada]]. Translated by [[John Gibson Lockhart]], ''Ancient Spanish Ballads'' (Edinburgh: William Blackwood, 1823) p. 110 <!-- "There was crying in Granada when the sun was going down,/Some calling on the Trinity, some calling on Mahoun;/Here pass'd away the Koran, there in the Cross was borne,/And here was heard the Christian bell, and there the Moorish horn;//''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:/Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung;/The arms thereon of Arragon they with Castille's display;/One king comes in in triumph, one weeping goes away. -->
* The '[[w:Almighty dollar|Almighty Dollar]]' is the only object of worship.
** In the Philadelphia [[w:Public Ledger (Philadelphia)|''Public Ledger'']] (2 December 1836); cited in ''Notes and Queries'', ser. 11, vol. 3 (11 February 1911) p. 109
* The law locks up the man or woman<br>Who steals the goose from off the common;<br>But leaves the greater villain loose<br>Who steals the common from the goose.
** "[[w:The Goose and the Common|The Goose and the Common]]" (late 18th century), as quoted in [[Edward Potts Cheyney]], ''An Introduction to the Industrial and Social History of England'' (1901) ch. 8
* The two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day they buy a boat and the day they sell it.
** In [[Reuven Perlman]], [https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-best-days-of-a-boat-owners-life "The Best Days of a Boat Owner's Life"], ''The New Yorker'' (13 January 2021) <!-- Cf. [[Pseudo-Hipponax]] -->
* There are 'quips and quillets' which seem actual conundrums, but yet are none. Of such is this: '[[w:Why did the chicken cross the road?|Why does a chicken cross the street?]]' Are you 'out of town?' Do you 'give it up?' Well, then: 'Because it wants to get on the other side!'
** In [[w:The Knickerbocker|''The Knickerbocker'']] (1847) p. 283
* [[w:Think globally, act locally|Think globally, act locally]].
** Attributed variously: to [[David Brower]], [[René Dubos]], and others (1960s)
* Tho' lost to sight, to memory dear.
** Inscription on a civic arch, for the procession of Lafayette through Lynn, MA, August 1824. ''A Sketch of the Tour of General Lafayette, on his Late Visit to the United States'' (Portland, ME, 1824) p. 120
* To the glorious, pious and Immortal Memory of King William III, who saved us from Rogues and Roguery, Slaves and Slavery, Knaves and Knavery, Popes and Popery, from brass money and wooden shoes; and who ever denies this Toast may he be slammed, crammed and jammed into the muzzle of the great gun of Athlone, and the gun fired into the Pope's Belly, and the Pope into the Devil's Belly, and the Devil into Hell, and the door locked and the key in an Orangeman's pocket; and may we never lack a Brisk Protestant Boy to kick the arse of a papist; and here's a fart for the Bishop of Cork!
** Toast of the Orangemen in Ulster on the anniversary of the [[w:battle of the Boyne|battle of the Boyne]]. Arthur Bryant, ''The Age of Elegance, 1812–1822'' (1950), ch. 8, p. 267 note <!-- See also: ''Romany Rye'', 16-17, 400; Austen, 238; Bamford, I, 102; Castlereagh, X, 378; De Selincourt, II, 578; Lady Shelley, I, 252-3, 287, 351-2; Stanley, 191; Wilberforce, II, 322 -->
* What is mind?—No matter.<br>What is matter?—Never mind.<br>What is spirit?—That's ''quite immaterial''.
** In ''Harper's New Monthly Magazine'', vol. 10, no. 56 (January 1855) p. 275. Variation of the first two lines in ''Punch'', vol. 29, no. 19 (14 July 1855) p. 19: "What is Matter? — Never mind. / What is Mind? — No matter." ("A Short Cut to Metaphysics"). See also: [[Thomas Hewitt Key|T. H. Key]]. Compare: Byron, [[Don Juan (Byron)#Canto XI (1823)|''Don Juan'']], canto 11, st. 1
* Whatever you have to [[Language|say]], my friend,<br>Whether witty or grave or gay,<br>Condense as much as ever you can,<br>And say it the readiest way;<br>And whether you write of rural affairs<br>Or of matter and things in town,<br>Just take a word of friendly advice—<br>Boil it down.
** "Boil it Down", in the [[w:Winnipeg Free Press|''Manitoba Free Press'']] (June 5, 1875)
* {{w|When the going gets tough, the tough get going}}.
** Attributed to [[Joseph P. Kennedy Sr.]] in J. H. Cutler, ''Honey Fitz'' (1962), p. 291. Also attributed to [[Knute Rockne]], and others
=== Scots ===
* ''Quod God to the Helandman, Quhair wilt thow now?<br>I will doun in the Lawland, Lord, and thair steill a kow.''
** Quoth God to the Highlander, "What will you now?"<br>"I will down to the Lowland, Lord, and there steal a cow."
** "[[w:How The First Helandman of God Was Maid|How The First Helandman of God Was Maid]]", fol. 163a (1898). Translated in Gordon Donaldson, ''Scotland: The Shaping of a Nation'' (Newton Abbot: David & Charles, 1974) p. 155 <!-- ISBN 0 7153 6904 0 -->
** Compare: MacGregor, in [[Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie]]
=== French ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Aucassin and Nicolette|Aucassin et Nicolette]]'''''
::'''''[[The Song of Roland|La Chanson de Roland]]'''''
::'''''[[French proverbs]]'''''
* ''Au clair de la lune,<br>Mon ami Pierrot,<br>Prête-moi ta plume<br>Pour écrire un mot.<br>Ma chandelle est morte,<br>Je n'ai plus de feu.<br>Ouvre-moi ta porte<br>Pour l'amour de Dieu.''
** By the light of the moon,<br>My friend Pierrot,<br>Lend me your quill,<br>To write a word.<br>My candle is dead,<br>I have no more fire.<br>Open your door for me<br>For the love of God.
** "[[w:Au clair de la lune|Au clair de la lune]]", st. 1 (18th cent.), in Henri Plon (ed.) ''Chants et Chansons populaires de la France'' (1858) pp. 16–17
* ''Bons fut li siecles al tens ancienor, <br> Quer feit i ert e justise et amor, <br> Si ert credance, dont or n'i at nul prot. <br> Toz est mudez, perdude at sa color, <br> Ja mais n'iert tels com fut als ancessors.''
** The world was good in the time of them of old, for in it was faith and justice and love, and there was belief, of which there is now no store. It [the world] is all changed, it has lost its colour; it will never be such as it was with them of old.
** [[w:Alexius of Rome#French version|''La Vie de Saint-Alexis'']] (c. 1040) str. 1, in ''The Oldest Monuments of the French Language'' (1912) p. 28 <!-- French: ''A Primer of Old French'' (London: Blackie & Son, Ltd, 1902) p. 28 -->
* [[w:Ça Ira|''Ça Ira'']].
** It'll be fine.
** Revolutionary song (May 1790)
* [[w:fr:Car tel est notre plaisir|''Car tel est notre plaisir'']].
** For such is our pleasure.
** Royal prerogative of the kings of France. The formula concluded royal acts, and in particular letters patent, prepared by the [[w:Chancery (medieval office)#France|Chancery]]. See: Paul-Alexis Mellet, ''Les traités monarchomaques: confusion des temps, résistance armée et monarchie parfaite, 1560-1600'' (Genève: Librairie Droz, 2007), p. 250. Compare: [[Ulpian]], ''Digesta'', 1, 4, 1 <!-- ''Quod principi placuit legis habet vigorem.'' -->
* ''[[w:The king is dead, long live the king!|Le mort saisit le vif. Le roi est mort, vive le roi!]]''
** The dead seizes the living. The king is dead, long live the king!
** Traditional proclamation made following the accession of a new monarch. First declared upon the accession to the French throne of [[Charles VII of France|Charles VII]] after the death of his father [[Charles VI of France|Charles VI]] (21 October 1422)
* ''{{w|Liberté, égalité, fraternité}}''.
** Liberty, equality, fraternity.
** Revolutionary motto (July 1790) <!-- First quoted by [[Camille Desmoulins]] in ''Révolutions de France et de Brabant'', no. 35 (26 July 1790) p. 515, describing the July 1790 [[w:Fête de la Fédération|Fête de la Fédération]]: ''... les soldats-citoyens se précipiter dans les bras l’un de l’autre, en se promettant liberté, égalité, fraternité.'' / "... the citizen-soldiers rushing into each other's arms, promising each other ''liberty, equality, fraternity''." -->
* [[w:Anarchist symbolism#No gods, no masters|''Ni Dieu ni maître'']].
** No gods, no masters.
** [[Anarchist]] slogan. A similar phrase appeared in an 1870 pamphlet by a disciple of [[Louis Auguste Blanqui|Auguste Blanqui]]. The exact phrase appeared as the title of Blanqui's 1880 newspaper before it spread throughout the anarchist movement, appearing in [[Kropotkin]]'s ''Words of a Rebel'' (1885)
* ''Revenons à nos moutons.''
** Let us return to our sheep.
** ''[[La Farce de maître Pathelin]]'' (c. 1440)
** Reported in Hugh Percy Jones, ''Dictionary of Foreign Phrases and Classical Quotations'' (Edinburgh: John Grant, 1929) p. 328. Unattributed in [[Edward Leigh (writer)|Edward Leigh]], ''Analecta Caesarum'' (1664) p. 425
=== Greek ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Greek Anthology]]'''''
::'''''[[Greek proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Seven Sages of Greece]]'''''
* Εἴθ᾿ ἄπυρον καλὸν γενοίμην μέγα χρυσίον, <br> καί με καλὴ γυνὴ φοροίη καθαρὸν θεμένη νόον.
** I would I were a jewel <br> Of costly gold and fine, <br> And a lovely woman wearing me <br> With heart as true as mine!
** In Athenaeus, bk. 15, sec. 695d; translated by [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]], ''A Book of Greek Verse'' (1907), p. 39
**:<small>Compare: [[Alfred Tennyson|Tennyson]], [[w:The Miller's Daughter (poem)|''The Miller's Daughter'']] · [[Joshua Sylvester|Sylvester]], ''Woodman's Bear'' · ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'', act 2, sc. 2, l. 23</small>
* Ἦλθ’ ἦλθε χελιδὼν<br>καλὰς ὥρας ἄγουσα,<br>καλοὺς ἐνιαυτούς,<br>ἐπὶ γαστέρα λευκά,<br>ἐπὶ νῶτα μέλαινα.
** Come, come is the swallow,<br>With fair spring to follow.<br>She and the fair weather<br>Are come along together.<br>White is her breast,<br>And black all the rest.
** "[[w:Swallow song of Rhodes|Swallow Song of Rhodes]]", in [[Athenaeus]], bk. 8, 360b-d; translated by [[Henry Charles Beeching|H. C. Beeching]], ''Love in Idleness'' (1883), p. 177
=== Latin ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Gesta Romanorum]]'''''
::'''''[[Mass (liturgy)#Catholic Church|Latin Mass]]'''''
::'''''[[Latin proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Pervigilium Veneris]]'''''
* ''Adeste fideles læti triumphantes,<br>Venite, venite in Bethlehem.<br>Natum videte<br>Regem angelorum:<br>Venite adoremus<br>Dominum.''
** O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!<br>O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;<br>Come and behold Him<br>Born the King of Angels:<br>O come, let us adore Him,<br>Christ the Lord.
** "{{w|O Come, All Ye Faithful}}", st. 1 (ed. [[w:John Francis Wade|Wade]], 1751), translated by [[Frederick Oakeley]] (1841) and revised in Francis H. Murray's ''A Hymnal, for Use in the English Church'' (1852) p. 26 (Oakeley's original 1841 version began 'Ye faithful, approach ye, joyfully triumphant')
* ''Cume tonas, Leucesie, prae tet tremonti <br> Quom tibei cunei, dextumum tonaront.''
** When thou thunderest, Light-god, before thee they tremble, <br> Sith thy bolts have thundered on the right.
** [[w:Carmen Saliare|''Carmen Saliare'']], quoted in a corrupt form by [[w:Quintus Terentius Scaurus|Scaurus]] in his ''De orthographia'', and translated from [[w:Theodor Bergk|Bergk]]'s conjectural restoration by J. Wright Duff, ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 77 <!-- See: [[w:Epithets of Jupiter|Epithets of Jupiter]] -->
* ''Enos Lases iuuate'' (thrice). <br> ''Neue lue rue Marmar sins incurrere in pleores.'' (thrice) <br> ''Satur fu, fere Mars: limen sali, sta berber.'' (thrice) <br> ''Enos Marmor iuuato.'' (thrice) <br> ''Triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe!''
** Help us, ye Lares. <br> Let not blight and ruin, O Mars, haste upon the multitude. <br> Be satiate, fierce Mars: leap the threshold, stay thy scourge <br> Summon ye in turn all the gods of sowing. <br> Help us, O Mars. <br> Huzza! Huzza! Huzza! etc.
** ''[[w:Carmen Arvale|Carmen Arvale]]'', from an inscription of 218 AD and written in a then-archaic form of Old Latin, as translated by [[w:J. Wright Duff|J. Wright Duff]], ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 78
* ''{{w|Et in Arcadia ego}}.''
** Even in Arcadia, there am I.
** A ''memento mori'' from paintings by {{w|Guercino}} and [[Nicolas Poussin|Poussin]] (17th cent.)
* ''Gaudeamus igitur,<br>Iuvenes dum sumus!<br>Post iucundam iuventutem<br>Post molestam senectutem<br>Nos habebit humus.''
** Let us rejoice while we are young; for after the pleasures of youth, after the troubles of old age, we all shall be laid beneath the earth.
** "[[w:Gaudeamus igitur|So Let Us Rejoice]]", st. 1 (c. 1267; ed. Christian Wilhelm Kindleben, 1781), as translated in ''The Presbyterian'', vol. 23, no. 51 (17 December 1853) p. 204<!-- p. 4 of the issue --><!-- Compare: J. A. Symonds, ''Wine, Women, and Song'' (London: Chatto and Windus, 1884) no. 60, p. 165. John Hollander, ''Melodious Guile'' (Yale UP, 1988) p. 38. J. A. Pearce Jr. (1860) in [[w:Henry Randall Waite|H. R. Waite]] (ed.) ''Carmina Collegensia'' (January 1876) p. 71 -->
* ''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]''.
** Don't let the bastards grind you down.
** [[W:dog latin|Dog latin]] phrase (c. 1941). Literally: "The unlawful are not silicon carbide."
=== Oriental ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Epic of Gilgamesh]]''
::'''''[[Rigveda]]'''''
* Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!<br>Look to this Day!<br>For it is Life, the very Life of Life.<br>In its brief Course lie all the<br>Varieties and Realities of your Existence:<br>The Bliss of Growth,<br>The Glory of Action,<br>The Splendour of Beauty;<br>For Yesterday is but a Dream<br>And Tomorrow is only a Vision;<br>But Today well lived makes<br>Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,<br>And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.<br>Look well therefore to this Day!<br>Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!
** From the [[Sanskrit]], in Alleyne Ireland (ed.) [https://archive.org/details/masterpiecesofre002909mbp/page/300/mode/2up ''Masterpieces of Religious Verse''] (Harper & Bros, 1905) p. 301 <!-- "The Salutation of the Dawn" -->
== See also ==
* [[Proverbs]], which are often passed down through the generations anonymously
* [[Bible]] — much of its material is of disputed authorship and is not believed to have been written by its purported authors
* [[Laozi]] — likely mythical founder of [[Taoism]], most sayings attributed to him were probably written anonymously
== External links ==
{{wikisource portal|Anonymous texts}}
[[Category:People]]
[[es:Anónimo]]
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{{Distinguish|Anonymity|Anonymous (group)}}
[[File:Albert-L-Pollins-1.jpg|thumb|''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'' is a famous anonymous saying]]
'''[[w:Anonymous|Anonymous]]''' is the adjective form of [[anonymity]] derived from the [[w:Koine Greek|Greek]] word '''ἀνωνυμία''', ''anonymia'', meaning "without a [[name]]" or "namelessness." It commonly refers to the state of an individual's personal identity, or personally identifiable information, being publicly unknown, intentionally or unintentionally. This article is for famous or notable quotes whose author is unknown.
== Quotes ==
=== Egyptian ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Book of the Dead]]'''''
::'''''[[Great Hymn to the Aten]]'''''
::'''''[[Teaching for King Merykara]]'''''
* No one goes away and then comes back.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by [[w:William Kelly Simpson|W. K. Simpson]] in ''The Literature of Ancient Egypt'' (1972), pp. 296–327
* Remember: it is not given to man to take his goods with him.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 10, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)
* There is no one who can return from there, <br> To describe their nature, to describe their dissolution, <br> That he may still our desires, <br> Until we reach the place where they have gone.
** ''The Song of the Harper'', st. 5, as translated by W. K. Simpson (1972)
=== English ===
==== Old English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Beowulf]]'''''
::'''''[[Anglo-Saxon Chronicle]]'''''
::'''''[[The Battle of Maldon]]'''''
::'''''[[The Ruin]]'''''
::'''''[[The Seafarer (poem)|The Seafarer]]'''''
::'''''[[The Wanderer (poem)|The Wanderer]]'''''
::'''''[[Maxims (Old English poems)|Maxims]]'''''
==== Middle English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Cursor Mundi]]'''''
::'''''[[Everyman (play)|Everyman]]'''''
::'''''[[The Babees Book]]'''''
::'''''[[The Cloud of Unknowing]]'''''
* ''Blow, northerne wynd,<br>Sent thou me my suetyng!<br>Blow, northerne wynd,<br>Blou! Blou! Blou!''
** Harley MS. 2253 ([[Harley Lyrics]], art. 46; ed. Susanna Fein, 2015)
* ''Bothe lered and lewed, olde and yonge, <br> Alle understonden English tonge.''
** ''{{w|Speculum Vitae}}'' ('Mirror of Life'; late 14th cent.) l. 77
* ''Evyl weed ys sone y growe.''
** [[w:Harleian Library|Harley MS]]. 1490; reported in ''Hoyt's'' (1922) p. 867
* ''For I muste to the grene wode goo, alone a bannysshed man.''
** For I must to the green-wood go, <br> Alone, a banished man.
** "The Nut-Brown Maid" (1502), st. 5, [[w:Oxford Book of English Verse|''OBEV'']] (1939)
* ''For in my mynde, of all mankynde I loue but you allon.''
** For, in my mind, of all mankind <br> I love but you alone.
** "[[w:The Nut-Brown Maid|The Nut-Brown Maid]]" (1502), st. 4, ''OBEV'' (1939)
* ''Foweles in the frith,<br>The fisses in the flod,<br>And I mon waxe wod;<br>Mulch sorwe I walke with<br>For best of bon and blod.''
** "[[w:Foweles in the frith|Fowels in the Frith]]" (13th cent.), E. K. Chambers and F. Sidgwick (eds.) ''Early English Lyrics, Amorous, Divine, Moral and Trivial'' (<!--London: A. H. Bullen, -->1907) p. 5 <!-- MS. Douce 139, f.5r -->
* ''Ich am of Irlaunde,<br>Ant of the holy londe<br> Of Irlande.<br>Gode sire, pray ich the,<br>For of saynte charité,<br>Come ant daunce wyth me<br> In Irlaunde.''
** "[[w:Ich am of Irlaunde|The Irish Dancer]]" (14th cent.), ''OBEV'' (1939)
* ''I wold not be in a folis paradyce.''
** I would not be in a fool's paradise.
** ''[[Paston Letters]]'', no. 562 (July 1462) ed. James Gairdner (1904) vol. 4
* ''Lever me were to lete mi liif,<br>Than thus to lese the quen mi wiif!''
** ''{{w|Sir Orfeo}}'' (early 14th cent.) l. 177, Kenneth Sisam (ed.) ''Fourteenth Century Verse and Prose'' (1921) p. 19
* ''O little booke, thou art so unconning, <br> How darst thou put thy-self in prees for drede?''
** ''[[w:The Floure and the Leafe|The Floure and the Leafe]]'' (c. 1470) l. 59. Formerly attributed to [[Chaucer]]
* ''Perle, pleasaunte to prynces paye<br>To clanly clos in golde so clere,<br>Oute of [[W:Orient|oryent]], I hardyly saye,<br>Ne proued I neuer her precios pere.''
** [[w:Pearl (poem)|''Pearl'']] (late 14th cent.) opening lines
* ''"Say me, viit in the brom,<br>Teche me wou I sule don<br>That min hosebonde<br>Me lovien wolde."{{pb}}"Hold thine tunke stille<br>And haw al thine wille."''
** "Say Me, Wight in the Broom" (c. 1300), Carleton Brown (ed.) ''English Lyrics of the XIIIth Century'' (1932) no. 21, p. 32 <!-- T.C.C. MS. 323, f.28r. Cf. B.M. Addit. MS. 11579, f.29r -->
* ''Sumer is icumen in,<br>Lhude sing cuccu!<br>Groweth sed, and bloweth med,<br>And springth the wude nu—<br>Sing cuccu!''
** "{{w|Sumer is icumen in}}" (13th cent.), ''OBEV'''' (1939)
* ''Were beth they biforen us weren,<br>Houndës ladden and hauekës beren,<br>And hadden feld and wodë?<br>The richë levedies in hoerë bour,<br>That wereden gold in hoerë tressour,<br>With hoerë brighttë rodë;{{pb}}Eten and drounken, and maden hem glad;<br>Hoere lif was al with gamen i-lad,<br>Men kneleden hem biforen;<br>They beren hem wel swithë heyë;<br>And in a twincling of an eyë<br>Hoere soulës weren forloren.''
** "Ubi sunt qui ante nos fuerunt?" (c. 1300), Carl Horstmann and F. J. Furnivall (eds.) ''The Minor Poems of the Vernon MS.'' (1901) vol. 2, p. 761 <!-- MS. Digby 86, f.126v—27r -->
* ''Westron wynde when wyll thow blow<br>The smalle rayne downe can rayne<br>Cryst yf my love were in my armys<br>And I yn my bed agayne.''
** O western wind, when wilt thou blow <br> That the small rain down can rain? <br> Christ, that my love were in my arms <br> And I in my bed again!
** "[[w:Westron Wynde|The Lover in Winter Plaineth for the Spring]]" (c. 1500), ''OBEV'' (1939)
==== Early Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Border ballads]]'''''
* A crafty knave needs no broker.
** ''[[A Knack to Know a Knave|A Merry Knack to Know a Knave]]'' (ed. 1594) p. 33 (Honesty)
* A heavy purse makes a light heart.
** ''Wily Beguiled'' (c. 1602) l. 1
**:<small>Cf. Ben Jonson, ''The New Inn'', act 1, sc. 1 (Host)</small>
* A right woman — either love like an angel, <br> Or hate like a devil — in extremes to dwell.
** ''The Rare Triumphs of Love and Fortune'' (1589) act 1 (Penulo)
* And let all women strive to be <br> As constant as Penelope.
** ''A Looking-glass for Ladies, or A Mirrour for Married Women'' (c. 1674-79) st. 18, last lines <!-- Also in Percy's ''Reliques'' -->
* Any food, any feeding,<br>Feeding, drink, or clothing;<br>Come dame or maid, be not afraid,<br>Poor Tom will injure nothing.
** "[[w:Tom o' Bedlam|Tom o' Bedlam]]" (c. 1615) refrain
* April is in my mistress' face, <br> And July in her eyes hath place; <br> Within her bosom is September, <br> But in her heart a cold December.
** "April Is in My Mistress' Face", in Thomas Morley, ''Madrigals to Four Voices'' (1594) <!-- Cf. Robert Greene, ''Perimedes the Blacksmith'' (1588): "Fair is my love for April’s in her face." -->
* Break her betimes, and bring her under by force,<br>Or else the grey mare will be the better horse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)
* But he that takes not such time, while he may,<br>Shall leap at a whiting, when time is away.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Will)
* Eternal vigilance is the price we pay for liberty.
** Earliest known publication in the (Bennington) ''Vermont Gazette'' (8 July 1817) p. 2. Later misattributed to [[Thomas Jefferson]]. Reported in Anna Berkes, [https://www.monticello.org/encyclopedia/eternal-vigilance-price-liberty-spurious-quota "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty (Spurious Quotation)"], monticello.org (11 August 2010)
* For he that leaps, before he look, good son,<br>May leap in the mire, and miss what he hath done.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)
* From the hag and hungry goblin<br>That into rags would rend ye,<br>The spirit that stands by the naked man<br>In the Book of Moons defend ye.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 1
* God be in my head,<br>And in my understanding,{{pb}}God be in my eyes,<br>And in my looking,{{pb}}God be in my mouth,<br>And in my speaking,{{pb}}God be in my heart,<br>And in my thinking,{{pb}}God be at my end,<br>And at my departing.
** ''Sarum Primer'' (1558)
* Greensleeves was all my joy,<br>Greensleeves was my delight:<br>Greensleeves was my heart of gold,<br>And who but my lady Greensleeves.
** "[[w:Greensleeves|Greensleeves]]", refrain, in ''A Handful of Pleasant Delights'' (1584; [[s:A Handful of Pleasant Delights/A new Courtly Sonet, of the Lady Greensleeves|ed.]] Edward Arber, 1878)
* Ground me no grounds.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 2, sc. 1 (Will)
**:<small>Cf. [[John Redford]], ''The Play of Wit and Science''</small>
* He is but a fool that, when all fails, cannot live upon his wit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)
* He's best at ease that meddleth least.
** ''[[Fair Em]]'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1383 (Manville)<!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) pp. 98, 154-->
* I had need of a long spoon, now I go to eat with the devil.
** ''[[Grim the Collier of Croydon|Grim, the Collier of Croydon]]'' (1662) act 5, sc. 1 (Grim)
* I know more than Apollo,<br>For oft, when he lies sleeping<br>I see the stars at bloody wars<br>In the wounded welkin weeping.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 6
* (I would topple with ye <br> And) pluck a good crow.
** ''The History of Jacob and Esau'' (c. 1558) act 2, sc. 2 (Ragan)<!--As cited in P. H. Dalbiac (ed.) ''Dictionary Of Quotations: English'' (1896) p. 209-->
* It's pride that puts this country down: <br> Man, take thy old cloak about thee!
** "The Old Cloak", st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)
* Kill then, and bliss me, <br> But first come, kiss me.
** "Dainty Fine Sweet Nymph Delightful", in Thomas Morley, ''The First Book of Ballets to Five Voices'' (1595) <!-- E. H. Fellowes (ed.) ''English Madrigal Verse 1588-1632'' (1820) p. 133 -->
* King Stephen was a worthy peer; <br> His breeches cost him but a crown.
** "The Old Cloak", st. 7, ''OBEV'' (1939)
* Love me little, love me long, <br> Is the burden of my song.
** "Love Me Little, Love Me Long" (1569–70) l. 1<!-- Text from Charles Mackay (ed.) ''The Book of English Songs'' (1851) p. 22 -->
* Love, that covers multitude of sins, <br> Makes love in parents wink at children’s faults.
** ''Fair Em'' (1590s) act 3, sc. 17, l. 1270 (Zeveno)
* More haste than good speed makes many fare the worse.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 4, sc. 1 (Wit)
* No burial these<!-- two--> pretty babes <br> Of any man receives <br> Till Robin Redbreast painfully<!--or 'piously'--> <br> Did cover them with leaves.
** "[[Babes in the Wood|Two Babes in the Wood]]" (1595; [[s:Two babes in the wood, or, The Norfolk gentleman's last will and testament|ed.]] Glasgow: J. & M. Robertson, 1802)
* The blinded boy that shootes so trim <br> From heaven downe did hie. <!-- i.e. [[Cupid]] -->
** "[[w:The King and the Beggar-maid|King Cophetua and the Beggar-Maid]]", st. 2 ([[w:Internet Sacred Text Archive|ISTA]] [https://sacred-texts.com/neu/eng/boeb/boeb04.htm *])
* The devil cannot tie a woman's tongue.
** ''Grim, the Collier of Croydon'' (1662) act 2, sc. 1 (Castiliano)
* The gypsies, Snap and Pedro,<br>Are none of Tom's comradoes,<br>The punk I scorn and the cutpurse sworn,<br>And the roaring boy's bravadoes.<br>The meek, the white, the gentle<br>Me handle, touch, and spare not;<br>But those that cross Tom Rynosseros<br>Do what the panther dare not.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 7
* The moon's my constant mistress,<br>And the lowly owl my marrow;<br>The flaming drake and the night crow make<br>Me music to my sorrow.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 4
* The sound is honey, but the sense is gall.
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 4 (Soliman)
* (They are) no more like, <br> Than chalk is to cheese.
** ''The Marriage of Wit and Science'' (1569–70) act 5, sc. 1 (Science)
* 'Tis an ill wind that blows no man to profit.
** ''A Merry Knack to Know a Knave'' (ed. 1594) p. 32 (Coneycatcher)
* Virtue is the shoeing-horn of justice.
** [[Parnassus plays|''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'']] (1606) act 4, sc. 3 (Kemp)
* What poor astronomers are they, <br> Take women’s eyes for stars!
** "What Poor Astronomers Are They", in John Dowland, ''The Third Book of Songs or Airs'' (1603) <!-- W. S. Braithwaite (ed.) ''The Book of Elizabethan Verse'' (1907) -->
* Who blurs fair paper with foul bastard rhymes,<br>Shall live full many an age in latter times:<br>Who makes a ballad for an alehouse door,<br>Shall live in future times for evermore.
** ''The Return from Parnassus: or, The Scourge of Simony'' (1606) act 1, sc. 2 (Judicio)
* Why, what is Love but Fortune’s tennis-ball?
** ''Soliman and Perseda'' (1592–93) act 1 (Fortune)
* With a host of furious fancies<br>Whereof I am commander,<br>With a burning spear and a horse of air,<br>To the wilderness I wander.<br>By a knight of ghosts and shadows<br>I summoned am to tourney<br>Ten leagues beyond the wide world's end:<br>Methinks it is no journey.
** "Tom o' Bedlam" (c. 1615) st. 8
==== Modern English ====
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[English proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Junius|Letters of Junius]]'''''
::'''''[[The New England Primer|New England Primer]]'''''
::'''''[[Nursery rhymes]]'''''
::'''''[[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]'''''
* A lie is an abomination unto the Lord, but a very present help in time of trouble.
** A "school boy", quoted in [[w:The Living Church|''The Living Church'']] (2 September 1899) p. 394
* Faster horses, older whiskey, younger women, and more money.
** Boast of the American West, attributed to railroad men who came to Texas in search of oil (late 19th or early 20th century); in Sally Helgesen, ''Wildcatters: A Story of Texans, Oil, and Money'' (1981) p. 29<!-- Spanish translation in ''Il Piccolo di Trieste'' (11 May 1986) p. 3: "''Cavalli più veloci, whisky più vecchio, ragazze più giovani. I tempi nuovi hanno aggiunto una quarta voce: più denaro.''" -->. Cf. [[Tom T. Hall]]
* From Ghoulies and Ghoosties, long-leggety Beasties, and Things that go Bump in the Night,<br>Good Lord, deliver us!
** "Quaint Old Litany", in [[Alfred Noyes]] (ed.) ''The Magic Casement'' (1908) p. viii
* If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.
** Quoted among the Extension of Remarks of Charles B. Rangel before the U.S. House of Representatives, 25 October 1973, in the ''Congressional Record'' (26 October 1973) p. 35189; also in [[Paul du Feu]], ''Let's Hear It for the Long-Legged Women'' (New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1973) p. 65. Variant ("you shouldn't" instead of "don't") quoted by Leo Aikman, "You're Never Out of Reach", in ''The Atlanta Constitution'' (28 May 1957) p. 2
* In the year 1690, the same in which Ichabod Paddock was sent for from Cape Cod, ... some persons were on a high hill, afterwards called Folly House Hill, observing the whales spouting and sporting with each other, when one observed "''there''," pointing to the sea, "''is a green pasture where our children's grand-children will go for bread.''"
** [[Obed Macy]], ''The History of Nantucket'' (Boston: Hilliard, Gray, and Co., 1835) p. 33 <!-- Quoted in ''[[Moby-Dick]]'' (1851) Extracts (Supplied by a Sub-Sub-Librarian) -->
* Keep a [[w:stiff upper lip|stiff upper lip]].
** ''New England Galaxy & Masonic Magazine'', vol. 2, no. 89 (25 June 1819) p. 3, cols. 1–2
** See also: [[Phoebe Cary]]
* Love starts when you sink in his arms and ends with your arms in his sink.
** In ''The Shepherd College Picket'', [https://archive.org/details/picket1941-1943shepu/page/n189/mode/2up vol. 47] (November 9, 1943), p. 4
* [[w:May you live in interesting times|May you live in interesting times]].
** Quoted as a "Chinese curse", in Hughe Knatchbull-Hugessen, ''Diplomat in Peace and War'' (John Murray, 1949) p. ix
* O Paddy dear, an’ did ye hear the news that’s goin’ round? <br> The shamrock is by law forbid to grow on Irish ground; <br> St. Patrick’s Day no more we’ll keep, his colour can’t be seen, <br> For there’s a cruel law agin the wearin’ o’ the Green.
** "[[w:The Wearing of the Green|The Wearing of the Green]]" (c. 1798) st. 1
* Old soldiers never die —<br>They simply<!--or 'just', 'only'--> fade away.
** "[[w:Old soldiers never die|Old Soldiers Never Die]]" (c. 1914–18) l. 4 <!-- John Brophy and Eric Partridge, ''The Long Trail'' (1965) p. 59 -->
[[File:Cruikshank - The Allied Bakers.png|thumb|Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise. —Mr. Br----]]
* Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
** In [[Daniel Dennett]], [[w:Breaking the Spell (Dennett book)|''Breaking the Spell'']] (US: Viking, 2006), p. 17<!--{{ISBN|0-670-03472-X}}-->
* Praise undeserv'd is [[satire]] in disguise.
** "Epigram on a Certain Line of Mr. Br----, Author of a Copy of Verses, Call'd the British Beauties", in [[Lewis Theobald]] (ed.) ''The Grove; or, A Collection of Original Poems, Translations, &c'' (1721), p. 294 [http://books.google.com/books?id=Y9kIAAAAQAAJ&q=%22Praise%22+%22is+satire+in+disguise%22&pg=PA294#v=onepage] [http://books.google.com/books?id=HnACAAAAQAAJ&q=%22Praise+undeserv'd+is+scandal+in+disguise%22&pg=PA118#v=onepage]
* Question everything; accept nothing without proof.
** In Elizabeth Janet Gray, [https://archive.org/details/anthologywithcom0000vini/page/38/mode/2up?q=%22Question+everything%2C+accept+nothing%22 ''Anthology with Comments''] (1942), p. 39<!--Quoted by Ethan Skyler; used in 2002 in reference to Galileo, para. 9 [http://www.physicsnews1.com/article_9.html] ~ deadlink-->
* Real [[Programming|programmers]] don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand.
** Appeared in "[[w:Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal|Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal]]" (July 1983), but may or may not have been in existence beforehand
* Rebellion to tyrants [''or'' resistance to tyranny] is obedience to God.
** Anglo-American maxim, variously attributed: see [[John Bradshaw (judge)|John Bradshaw]] and [[Simon Bradstreet]]
* Remember, remember! <br> The fifth of November, <br> The Gunpowder treason and plot; <br> I know of no reason <br> Why the Gunpowder treason <br> Should ever be forgot!
** "[[w:Guy Fawkes Night|The Fifth of November]]" (c. 1870), st. 1 (PotW.org [https://potw.org/archive/potw405.html *])
* Remember the Alamo!
** Common American war cry, invoking the [[w:Battle of the Alamo|Battle of the Alamo]] (6 March 1836)
* Send him victorious, <br> Happy and glorious, <br> Long to reign over us, <br> God save the king.
** "[[w:God Save the King|A Song for Two Voices]]" (1745) st. 1 <!-- ''The Gentleman's Magazine'', vol. 15, no. 10 (October 1745) p. 552 -->
* Some talk of Alexander, and some of Hercules; <br> Of Hector and Lysander, and such great names as these. <br> But of all the world's brave heroes, there's none that can compare, <br> With a tow, row row, row row, row row, to the British grenadier.
** "[[w:The British Grenadiers|The British Grenadiers]]" (c. 1750) st. 1 <!-- J. C. Hutchieson (ed.) ''Fugitive Poetry, 1600–1878'' (London: Frederick Warne and Co, 1878) -->
* ''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:<br>Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung.
** "The Flight from Granada", st. 1. Traditional ballad on the ''reconquista'' of [[w:Granada War|Granada]]. Translated by [[John Gibson Lockhart]], ''Ancient Spanish Ballads'' (Edinburgh: William Blackwood, 1823) p. 110 <!-- "There was crying in Granada when the sun was going down,/Some calling on the Trinity, some calling on Mahoun;/Here pass'd away the Koran, there in the Cross was borne,/And here was heard the Christian bell, and there the Moorish horn;//''Te Deum Laudamus'' was up the Alcala sung:/Down from the Alhamra's minarets were all the crescents flung;/The arms thereon of Arragon they with Castille's display;/One king comes in in triumph, one weeping goes away. -->
* The '[[w:Almighty dollar|Almighty Dollar]]' is the only object of worship.
** In the Philadelphia [[w:Public Ledger (Philadelphia)|''Public Ledger'']] (2 December 1836); cited in ''Notes and Queries'', ser. 11, vol. 3 (11 February 1911) p. 109
* The law locks up the man or woman<br>Who steals the goose from off the common;<br>But leaves the greater villain loose<br>Who steals the common from the goose.
** "[[w:The Goose and the Common|The Goose and the Common]]" (late 18th century), as quoted in [[Edward Potts Cheyney]], ''An Introduction to the Industrial and Social History of England'' (1901) ch. 8
* The two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day they buy a boat and the day they sell it.
** In [[Reuven Perlman]], [https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-best-days-of-a-boat-owners-life "The Best Days of a Boat Owner's Life"], ''The New Yorker'' (13 January 2021) <!-- Cf. [[Pseudo-Hipponax]] -->
* There are 'quips and quillets' which seem actual conundrums, but yet are none. Of such is this: '[[w:Why did the chicken cross the road?|Why does a chicken cross the street?]]' Are you 'out of town?' Do you 'give it up?' Well, then: 'Because it wants to get on the other side!'
** In [[w:The Knickerbocker|''The Knickerbocker'']] (1847) p. 283
* [[w:Think globally, act locally|Think globally, act locally]].
** Attributed variously: to [[David Brower]], [[René Dubos]], and others (1960s)
* Tho' lost to sight, to memory dear.
** Inscription on a civic arch, for the procession of Lafayette through Lynn, MA, August 1824. ''A Sketch of the Tour of General Lafayette, on his Late Visit to the United States'' (Portland, ME, 1824) p. 120
* To the glorious, pious and Immortal Memory of King William III, who saved us from Rogues and Roguery, Slaves and Slavery, Knaves and Knavery, Popes and Popery, from brass money and wooden shoes; and who ever denies this Toast may he be slammed, crammed and jammed into the muzzle of the great gun of Athlone, and the gun fired into the Pope's Belly, and the Pope into the Devil's Belly, and the Devil into Hell, and the door locked and the key in an Orangeman's pocket; and may we never lack a Brisk Protestant Boy to kick the arse of a papist; and here's a fart for the Bishop of Cork!
** Toast of the Orangemen in Ulster on the anniversary of the [[w:battle of the Boyne|battle of the Boyne]]. Arthur Bryant, ''The Age of Elegance, 1812–1822'' (1950), ch. 8, p. 267 note <!-- See also: ''Romany Rye'', 16-17, 400; Austen, 238; Bamford, I, 102; Castlereagh, X, 378; De Selincourt, II, 578; Lady Shelley, I, 252-3, 287, 351-2; Stanley, 191; Wilberforce, II, 322 -->
* What is mind?—No matter.<br>What is matter?—Never mind.<br>What is spirit?—That's ''quite immaterial''.
** In ''Harper's New Monthly Magazine'', vol. 10, no. 56 (January 1855) p. 275. Variation of the first two lines in ''Punch'', vol. 29, no. 19 (14 July 1855) p. 19: "What is Matter? — Never mind. / What is Mind? — No matter." ("A Short Cut to Metaphysics"). See also: [[Thomas Hewitt Key|T. H. Key]]. Compare: Byron, [[Don Juan (Byron)#Canto XI (1823)|''Don Juan'']], canto 11, st. 1
* Whatever you have to [[Language|say]], my friend,<br>Whether witty or grave or gay,<br>Condense as much as ever you can,<br>And say it the readiest way;<br>And whether you write of rural affairs<br>Or of matter and things in town,<br>Just take a word of friendly advice—<br>Boil it down.
** "Boil it Down", in the [[w:Winnipeg Free Press|''Manitoba Free Press'']] (June 5, 1875)
* {{w|When the going gets tough, the tough get going}}.
** Attributed to [[Joseph P. Kennedy Sr.]] in J. H. Cutler, ''Honey Fitz'' (1962), p. 291. Also attributed to [[Knute Rockne]], and others
=== Scots ===
* ''Quod God to the Helandman, Quhair wilt thow now?<br>I will doun in the Lawland, Lord, and thair steill a kow.''
** Quoth God to the Highlander, "What will you now?"<br>"I will down to the Lowland, Lord, and there steal a cow."
** "[[w:How The First Helandman of God Was Maid|How The First Helandman of God Was Maid]]", fol. 163a (1898). Translated in Gordon Donaldson, ''Scotland: The Shaping of a Nation'' (Newton Abbot: David & Charles, 1974) p. 155 <!-- ISBN 0 7153 6904 0 -->
** Compare: MacGregor, in [[Robert Lindsay of Pitscottie]]
=== French ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Aucassin and Nicolette|Aucassin et Nicolette]]'''''
::'''''[[The Song of Roland|La Chanson de Roland]]'''''
::'''''[[French proverbs]]'''''
* ''Au clair de la lune,<br>Mon ami Pierrot,<br>Prête-moi ta plume<br>Pour écrire un mot.<br>Ma chandelle est morte,<br>Je n'ai plus de feu.<br>Ouvre-moi ta porte<br>Pour l'amour de Dieu.''
** By the light of the moon,<br>My friend Pierrot,<br>Lend me your quill,<br>To write a word.<br>My candle is dead,<br>I have no more fire.<br>Open your door for me<br>For the love of God.
** "[[w:Au clair de la lune|Au clair de la lune]]", st. 1 (18th cent.), in Henri Plon (ed.) ''Chants et Chansons populaires de la France'' (1858) pp. 16–17
* ''Bons fut li siecles al tens ancienor, <br> Quer feit i ert e justise et amor, <br> Si ert credance, dont or n'i at nul prot. <br> Toz est mudez, perdude at sa color, <br> Ja mais n'iert tels com fut als ancessors.''
** The world was good in the time of them of old, for in it was faith and justice and love, and there was belief, of which there is now no store. It [the world] is all changed, it has lost its colour; it will never be such as it was with them of old.
** [[w:Alexius of Rome#French version|''La Vie de Saint-Alexis'']] (c. 1040) str. 1, in ''The Oldest Monuments of the French Language'' (1912) p. 28 <!-- French: ''A Primer of Old French'' (London: Blackie & Son, Ltd, 1902) p. 28 -->
* [[w:Ça Ira|''Ça Ira'']].
** It'll be fine.
** Revolutionary song (May 1790)
* [[w:fr:Car tel est notre plaisir|''Car tel est notre plaisir'']].
** For such is our pleasure.
** Royal prerogative of the kings of France. The formula concluded royal acts, and in particular letters patent, prepared by the [[w:Chancery (medieval office)#France|Chancery]]. See: Paul-Alexis Mellet, ''Les traités monarchomaques: confusion des temps, résistance armée et monarchie parfaite, 1560-1600'' (Genève: Librairie Droz, 2007), p. 250. Compare: [[Ulpian]], ''Digesta'', 1, 4, 1 <!-- ''Quod principi placuit legis habet vigorem.'' -->
* ''[[w:The king is dead, long live the king!|Le mort saisit le vif. Le roi est mort, vive le roi!]]''
** The dead seizes the living. The king is dead, long live the king!
** Traditional proclamation made following the accession of a new monarch. First declared upon the accession to the French throne of [[Charles VII of France|Charles VII]] after the death of his father [[Charles VI of France|Charles VI]] (21 October 1422)
* ''{{w|Liberté, égalité, fraternité}}''.
** Liberty, equality, fraternity.
** Revolutionary motto (July 1790) <!-- First quoted by [[Camille Desmoulins]] in ''Révolutions de France et de Brabant'', no. 35 (26 July 1790) p. 515, describing the July 1790 [[w:Fête de la Fédération|Fête de la Fédération]]: ''... les soldats-citoyens se précipiter dans les bras l’un de l’autre, en se promettant liberté, égalité, fraternité.'' / "... the citizen-soldiers rushing into each other's arms, promising each other ''liberty, equality, fraternity''." -->
* [[w:Anarchist symbolism#No gods, no masters|''Ni Dieu ni maître'']].
** No gods, no masters.
** [[Anarchist]] slogan. A similar phrase appeared in an 1870 pamphlet by a disciple of [[Louis Auguste Blanqui|Auguste Blanqui]]. The exact phrase appeared as the title of Blanqui's 1880 newspaper before it spread throughout the anarchist movement, appearing in [[Kropotkin]]'s ''Words of a Rebel'' (1885)
* ''Revenons à nos moutons.''
** Let us return to our sheep.
** ''[[La Farce de maître Pathelin]]'' (c. 1440)
** Reported in Hugh Percy Jones, ''Dictionary of Foreign Phrases and Classical Quotations'' (Edinburgh: John Grant, 1929) p. 328. Unattributed in [[Edward Leigh (writer)|Edward Leigh]], ''Analecta Caesarum'' (1664) p. 425
=== Greek ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Greek Anthology]]'''''
::'''''[[Greek proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Seven Sages of Greece]]'''''
* Εἴθ᾿ ἄπυρον καλὸν γενοίμην μέγα χρυσίον, <br> καί με καλὴ γυνὴ φοροίη καθαρὸν θεμένη νόον.
** I would I were a jewel <br> Of costly gold and fine, <br> And a lovely woman wearing me <br> With heart as true as mine!
** In Athenaeus, bk. 15, sec. 695d; translated by [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]], ''A Book of Greek Verse'' (1907), p. 39
**:<small>Compare: [[Alfred Tennyson|Tennyson]], [[w:The Miller's Daughter (poem)|''The Miller's Daughter'']] · [[Joshua Sylvester|Sylvester]], ''Woodman's Bear'' · ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'', act 2, sc. 2, l. 23</small>
* Ἦλθ’ ἦλθε χελιδὼν<br>καλὰς ὥρας ἄγουσα,<br>καλοὺς ἐνιαυτούς,<br>ἐπὶ γαστέρα λευκά,<br>ἐπὶ νῶτα μέλαινα.
** Come, come is the swallow,<br>With fair spring to follow.<br>She and the fair weather<br>Are come along together.<br>White is her breast,<br>And black all the rest.
** "[[w:Swallow song of Rhodes|Swallow Song of Rhodes]]", in [[Athenaeus]], bk. 8, 360b-d; translated by [[Henry Charles Beeching|H. C. Beeching]], ''Love in Idleness'' (1883), p. 177
=== Latin ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Gesta Romanorum]]'''''
::'''''[[Mass (liturgy)#Catholic Church|Latin Mass]]'''''
::'''''[[Latin proverbs]]'''''
::'''''[[Pervigilium Veneris]]'''''
* ''Adeste fideles læti triumphantes,<br>Venite, venite in Bethlehem.<br>Natum videte<br>Regem angelorum:<br>Venite adoremus<br>Dominum.''
** O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!<br>O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem;<br>Come and behold Him<br>Born the King of Angels:<br>O come, let us adore Him,<br>Christ the Lord.
** "{{w|O Come, All Ye Faithful}}", st. 1 (ed. [[w:John Francis Wade|Wade]], 1751), translated by [[Frederick Oakeley]] (1841) and revised in Francis H. Murray's ''A Hymnal, for Use in the English Church'' (1852) p. 26 (Oakeley's original 1841 version began 'Ye faithful, approach ye, joyfully triumphant')
* ''Cume tonas, Leucesie, prae tet tremonti <br> Quom tibei cunei, dextumum tonaront.''
** When thou thunderest, Light-god, before thee they tremble, <br> Sith thy bolts have thundered on the right.
** [[w:Carmen Saliare|''Carmen Saliare'']], quoted in a corrupt form by [[w:Quintus Terentius Scaurus|Scaurus]] in his ''De orthographia'', and translated from [[w:Theodor Bergk|Bergk]]'s conjectural restoration by J. Wright Duff, ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 77 <!-- See: [[w:Epithets of Jupiter|Epithets of Jupiter]] -->
* ''Enos Lases iuuate'' (thrice). <br> ''Neue lue rue Marmar sins incurrere in pleores.'' (thrice) <br> ''Satur fu, fere Mars: limen sali, sta berber.'' (thrice) <br> ''Enos Marmor iuuato.'' (thrice) <br> ''Triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe, triumpe!''
** Help us, ye Lares. <br> Let not blight and ruin, O Mars, haste upon the multitude. <br> Be satiate, fierce Mars: leap the threshold, stay thy scourge <br> Summon ye in turn all the gods of sowing. <br> Help us, O Mars. <br> Huzza! Huzza! Huzza! etc.
** ''[[w:Carmen Arvale|Carmen Arvale]]'', from an inscription of 218 AD and written in a then-archaic form of Old Latin, as translated by [[w:J. Wright Duff|J. Wright Duff]], ''A Literary History of Rome from the Origins to the Close of the Golden Age'' (1909) p. 78
* ''{{w|Et in Arcadia ego}}.''
** Even in Arcadia, there am I.
** A ''memento mori'' from paintings by {{w|Guercino}} and [[Nicolas Poussin|Poussin]] (17th cent.)
* ''Gaudeamus igitur,<br>Iuvenes dum sumus!<br>Post iucundam iuventutem<br>Post molestam senectutem<br>Nos habebit humus.''
** Let us rejoice while we are young; for after the pleasures of youth, after the troubles of old age, we all shall be laid beneath the earth.
** "[[w:Gaudeamus igitur|So Let Us Rejoice]]", st. 1 (c. 1267; ed. Christian Wilhelm Kindleben, 1781), as translated in ''The Presbyterian'', vol. 23, no. 51 (17 December 1853) p. 204<!-- p. 4 of the issue --><!-- Compare: J. A. Symonds, ''Wine, Women, and Song'' (London: Chatto and Windus, 1884) no. 60, p. 165. John Hollander, ''Melodious Guile'' (Yale UP, 1988) p. 38. J. A. Pearce Jr. (1860) in [[w:Henry Randall Waite|H. R. Waite]] (ed.) ''Carmina Collegensia'' (January 1876) p. 71 -->
* ''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]''.
** Don't let the bastards grind you down.
** [[W:dog latin|Dog latin]] phrase (c. 1941). Literally: "The unlawful are not silicon carbide."
=== Oriental ===
:'''''See also:'''''
::'''''[[Epic of Gilgamesh]]''
::'''''[[Rigveda]]'''''
* Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!<br>Look to this Day!<br>For it is Life, the very Life of Life.<br>In its brief Course lie all the<br>Varieties and Realities of your Existence:<br>The Bliss of Growth,<br>The Glory of Action,<br>The Splendour of Beauty;<br>For Yesterday is but a Dream<br>And Tomorrow is only a Vision;<br>But Today well lived makes<br>Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,<br>And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.<br>Look well therefore to this Day!<br>Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!
** From the [[Sanskrit]], in Alleyne Ireland (ed.) [https://archive.org/details/masterpiecesofre002909mbp/page/300/mode/2up ''Masterpieces of Religious Verse''] (Harper & Bros, 1905) p. 301 <!-- "The Salutation of the Dawn" -->
== See also ==
* [[Proverbs]], which are often passed down through the generations anonymously
* [[Bible]] — much of its material is of disputed authorship and is not believed to have been written by its purported authors
* [[Laozi]] — likely mythical founder of [[Taoism]], most sayings attributed to him were probably written anonymously
== External links ==
{{wikisource portal|Anonymous texts}}
[[Category:People]]
[[es:Anónimo]]
[[ka:ანონიმურები]]
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Francis Bacon
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:''Not to be confused with: [[Roger Bacon]]''
:''For the artist, see [[Francis Bacon (artist)]]''
[[File:William Larkin Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|I have taken all [[knowledge]] to be my province.]]
'''[[w:Francis Bacon|Francis Bacon, 1st Viscount St. Alban]]''' KC ([[22 January]] [[1561]] – [[9 April]] [[1626]]) was an English [[philosopher]], [[statesman]] and [[essayist]]. His works argued for the possibility of scientific knowledge based only upon inductive reasoning and careful observation of events in nature. Most importantly, he argued this could be achieved by use of a sceptical and methodical approach whereby scientists aim to avoid misleading themselves. His general idea of the importance and possibility of a skeptical methodology makes Bacon the father of the [[scientific method]]. This marked a new turn in the rhetorical and theoretical framework for science, the practical details of which are still central in debates about science and methodology today.
: See also:
:: ''[[The Great Instauration]]''
:: ''[[Ornamenta Rationalia]]''
:: ''[[Essays (Francis Bacon)]]''
== Quotes ==
* '''Libraries are as the shrine where all the relics of the ancient saints, full of true virtue, and that without delusion or imposture, are preserved and reposed.'''
[[File:Francis Bacon, Viscount St Alban from NPG (2).jpg|thumb|The monuments of [[wit]] survive the monuments of [[power]].]]
[[File:Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|[[Knowledge]] itself is [[power]].]]
<!--[[File:Francis Bacon filosofo.jpg|thumb|I confess that I have as vast contemplative ends, as I have moderate civil ends.]]-->
* I confess that I have as vast contemplative ends, as I have moderate civil ends: for '''I have taken all [[knowledge]] to be my province'''; and if I could purge it of two sorts of rovers, whereof the one with frivolous disputations, confutations, and verbosities, the other with blind experiments and auricular traditions and impostures, hath committed so many spoils, I hope I should bring in industrious observations, grounded conclusions, and profitable inventions and discoveries; the best state of that province. This, whether it be curiosity, or vainglory, or nature, or (if one take it favourably) [[Philanthropy|philanthropia]], is so fixed in my mind as it cannot be removed. And I do easily see, that place of any reasonable countenance doth bring commandment of more wits than of a man's own; which is the thing I greatly affect.
** Letter to [[William Cecil, 1st Baron Burghley]] (ca. 1593), published in ''The Works of Francis Bacon: Baron of Verulam, Viscount St. Alban, and Lord High Chancellor of England'', 14 Vols. (1870), James Spedding, Robert L. Ellis, Douglas D. Heath, editors, Vol. VIII, p. 109. See also, for approximate date, Mrs. Henry Pott, ''Francis Bacon and His Secret Society'' (1891) [https://books.google.com/books?id=tKc_AAAAYAAJ&pg=PA114 p. 114].
* '''The monuments of [[wit]] survive the monuments of [[power]].'''
** ''Essex's Device'' (1595)
* ''Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.''
** '''For [[knowledge]] itself is [[power]].'''
** ''Meditationes Sacræ'' [''Sacred Meditations''] (1597), "De Hæresibus" [Of Heresies]
:: Variants:
:: ''Scientia ipsa potentia est''.
::: '''Knowledge itself is power.'''
:: ''Scientia potestas est''. / ''[[w:Scientia potentia est|Scientia potentia est]].'' / ''Scientia est potentia''.
::: '''Knowledge is power.'''
* '''Nay, number (itself) in armies, importeth not much, where the people is of weak [[courage]]; for (as [[Virgil]] saith) it never troubles the [[wolf]] how many the [[sheep]] be.'''
** ''Essays or Counsels Civil and Moral'' (1597), XXIX: "Of the True Greatness of Kingdoms and Estates."
* It is not the pleasure of curiosity, nor the quiet of resolution, nor the raising of the spirit, nor victory of wit, nor faculty of speech (…) that are the true ends of knowledge (…), but it is a restitution and reinvesting, in great part, of man to the sovereignty and power, for whensoever he shall be able to call the creatures by their true names, he shall again command them.
** ''Valerius Terminus: Of the Interpretation of Nature'' (ca. 1603), in ''Works'', Vol. I, p. 83; ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1819), Vol. 2, [https://books.google.com/books?id=xgE9AAAAYAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]
* Knowledge, that tendeth but to satisfaction, is but as a courtesan, which is for pleasure, and not for fruit or generation.
** ''Valerius Terminus: Of the Interpretation of Nature'' (ca. 1603), in ''Works'', Vol. 1, p. 83; ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1819), Vol. 2, [https://books.google.com/books?id=xgE9AAAAYAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]
* For I find that even those that have sought knowledge for itself and not for benefit, or ostentation, or any practical enablement in the course of their life, have nevertheless propounded to themselves a wrong mark, namely, satisfaction, which men call truth, and not operation. For as in the courts and services of princes and states, it is a much easier matter to give satisfaction than to do the business; so in the inquiring of causes and reasons it is much easier to find out such causes as will satisfy the mind of man, and quiet objections, than such causes as will direct him and give him light to new experiences and inventions.
** ''Valerius Terminus: Of the Interpretation of Nature'' (ca. 1603), in ''Works'', Vol. 1; ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1857), Vol. 3, [https://books.google.com/books?id=HloJAAAAQAAJ&pg=PA232 p. 232]
* [[Aristotle]] (…) a mere bond-servant to his [[logic]], thereby rendering it contentious and well nigh useless.
** ''Rerum Novarum'' (1605)
* Lucid intervals and [[happy]] pauses.
** ''History of King Henry VII'', III (1622)
[[File:F Goya Disparates No.2 Torheit der Furcht.jpg|thumb|[[Nothing]] is terrible except [[fear]] itself.]]
* ''Nil terribile nisi ipse timor.''
** Nothing is terrible except [[fear]] itself.
** ''De Augmentis Scientiarum'', Book II, "Fortitudo" (1623)
* Riches are a [[good]] handmaid, but the worst mistress.
** ''De Augmentis Scientiarum'', Book II, "Antitheta" (1623)
*''Audacter calumniare, semper aliquid haeret''.
** Hurl your calumnies boldly; something is sure to stick.
**''De Augmentis Scientiarum'' (1623)
* Credulity in arts and opinions (…) is likewise of two kinds viz., when men give too much belief to arts themselves, or to certain authors in any art. The sciences that sway the imagination more than the reason are principally three viz., astrology, natural magic, and alchemy (…). Alchemy may be compared to the man who told his sons that he had left them gold, buried somewhere in his vineyard; while they by digging found no gold, but by turning up the mould about the roots of the vines procured a plentiful vintage. So the search and endeavours to make gold have brought many useful inventions to light.
** ''De Augmentis Scientiarum'' (1623) as quoted by [[w:Thomas Edward Thorpe|Edward Thorpe]], ''History of Chemistry'', Vol. 1, p. 43.
* I bequeath my [[soul]] to [[God]] (…). My body to be buried obscurely. For my [[name]] and [[memory]], I leave it to men's charitable speeches, and to foreign nations, and the next age.
** His will (1626)
* We have also sound houses, where we practice and demonstrate all sounds and their generation. We have harmonies which you have not, of quarter sounds and lesser slides of sounds. Divers instruments of music likewise to you unknown, some sweeter than any you have; together with bells and rings that are dainty and sweet. We represent small sounds as great and deep; likewise divers trembling and warblings of sounds, which in their original are entire. We represent and imitate all articulate sounds and letters, and the voices of beasts and birds. We have certain helps which set to the ear to do further the hearing greatly. We have also divers strange and artificial echoes, reflecting the voice many times, and as if it were tossing it; and some that give back the voice louder than it came, some shriller and some deeper; yea, some rendering the voice, differing in the letters or articulate sound from that they receive. We have also means to convey sounds in tubes and pipes, in strange lines and distance (…).
** ''[http://www.constitution.org/bacon/new_atlantis.htm New Atlantis]'' (1627)
* It is true that may hold in these things, which is the general root of superstition; namely, that men observe when things hit, and not when they miss; and commit to memory the one, and forget and pass over the other.
** ''Sylva Sylvarum'' Century X (1627)
* [I]n the system of [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]] there are found many and great inconveniences; for both the loading of the earth with triple motion is very incommodious, and the separation of the sun from the company of the planets, with which it has so many passions in common, is likewise a difficulty, and the introduction of so much immobility into nature, by representing the sun and stars as immovable, especially being of all bodies the highest and most radiant, and making the moon revolve about the earth in an epicycle, and some other '''assumptions of his, are the speculations of one who cares not what fictions he introduces into nature, provided his calculations answer.''' But if it be granted that the earth moves, it would seem more natural to suppose that there is no system at all, but scattered globes (…) than to constitute a system of which the sun is the centre. And this the consent of ages and of antiquity has rather embraced and approved. For the opinion concerning the motion of the earth is not new, but revived from the ancients (…) whereas the opinion that the sun is the centre of the world and immovable is altogether new (…) and was first introduced by Copernicus. (…) But if the earth moves, the stars may either be stationary, as Copernicus thought or, as it is far more probable, and has been suggested by [[William Gilbert (astronomer)|Gilbert]], they may revolve each round its own centre in its own place, without any motion of its centre, as the earth itself does (…). But either way, there is no reason why there should not be stars above stars til they go beyond our sight.
** ''Descriptio Globi Intellectualis'' (1653, written ca. 1612), Chap. 6, as quoted in "Description of the Intellectual Globe," ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1889), Vol. 4, ed. {{w|James Spedding}}, {{w|Robert Leslie Ellis}}, [[w:Douglas Heath|Douglas Denon Heath]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=lsILAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA517 pp. 517-518].
* ''Ne mireris, si vulgus verius loquatur quam honoratiores; quia etiam tutius loquitur.''
** Do not wonder, if the common people speak more truly than those of high rank; for they speak with more safety.
*** ''Exempla Antithetorum'', [http://books.google.com/books?id=C9cQAAAAYAAJ&q="Ne+mireris+si+vulgus+verius+loquatur+quam+honoratiores+quia+etiam+tutius+loquitur"&pg=PA692#v=onepage IX. Laus, Existimatio (Pro.)]
* He that defers his charity 'till he is dead, is (if a man weighs it rightly) rather liberal of another man's, than of his own.
** ''Ornamenta Rationalia'', [[http://books.google.com/books?id=VHNUAAAAYAAJ&q="He+that+defers+his+charity+'till+he+is+dead+is+if+a+man+weighs+it"+"rather+liberal+of+another+man's+than+of+his+own"&pg=PA298#v=onepage §55]]
* The law of nature teaches me to speak in my own defence: With respect to this charge of bribery I am as innocent as any man born on St. Innocents Day. I never had a bribe or reward in my eye or thought when pronouncing judgment or order (…). I am ready to make an oblation of myself to the King. (17 April 1621)
** Quoted by [[w:John Campbell, 1st Baron Campbell|Baron John Campbell]] (1818), J. Murray in "The Lives of the Lord Chancellors and Keepers of the Great Seal of England"
* My mind is calm, for my fortune is not my felicity. I know I have clean hands and a clean heart, and I hope a clean house for friends or servants; but Job himself, or whoever was the justest judge, by such hunting for matters against him as hath been used against me, may for a time seem foul, especially in a time when greatness is the mark and accusation is the game.
** Quoted by Thomas Fowler in "Francis Bacon 1561–1626'' (1885)
* Whence we see spiders, flies, or ants entombed and preserved forever in amber, a more than royal tomb.
** ''Historia Vitæ et Mortis; Sylva Sylvarum'', Cent. i. Exper. 100, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)
* When you wander, as you often delight to do, you wander indeed, and give never such satisfaction as the curious time requires. This is not caused by any natural defect, but first for want of election, when you, having a large and fruitful mind, should not so much labour what to speak as to find what to leave unspoken. Rich soils are often to be weeded.
** Letter of Expostulation to Coke, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)
* [Jews] hate the name of Christ and have a secret and innate rancor against the people among whom they live.
** See ''[https://books.google.com.br/books?id=-bIAEAAAQBAJ&pg=PT190 Silent Truth]'' by Mark Edwards
* There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
** Of Beauty https://www.authorama.com/essays-of-francis-bacon-43.html
=== ''Meditationes sacræ'' (1597) ===
* If thou shalt aspire after the glorious acts of men, thy working shall be accompanied with compunction and strife, and thy remembrance followed with distaste and upbraidings; and justly doth it come to pass towards thee, O man, that since thou, which art God's work, doest him no reason in yielding him well-pleasing service, even thine own works also should reward thee with the like fruit of bitterness.
** ''Of The Works Of God and Man''
* For a man to love again where he is loved, it is the charity of publicans contracted by mutual profit and good offices; but '''to love a man's enemies is one of the cunningest points of the law of [[Christ]], and an imitation of the divine nature'''.
** ''Of The Exaltation of Charity''
*I dare affirm in knowledge of nature, that a little natural philosophy, and the first entrance into it, doth dispose the opinion to atheism; but on the other side, much natural philosophy and wading deep into it, will bring about men's minds to religion; wherefore atheism every way seems to be combined with folly and ignorance, seeing nothing can can be more justly allotted to be the saying of fools than this, "There is no God"
**''Of Atheism''
* ''"You err, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God"'' This canon is the mother of all canons against heresy; '''the causes of error are two; the ignorance of the will of God, and the ignorance or not sufficient consideration of his power'''.
** ''Of Heresies''
*Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man.
**''Of Studies''
*Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.
**''Of Studies''
*Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested; that is, some books are to be read only in parts; others to be read, but not curiously; and some few to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention.
**''Of Studies''
=== ''The Advancement of Learning'' (1605) ===
[[File:An archangel revealing the physical nature of the universe t Wellcome L0022460.jpg|thumb|All [[knowledge]] and wonder (which is the seed of knowledge) is an impression of pleasure in itself.]]
[[File:Bacon's Rose.gif|alt=|thumb|If a man will begin with [[certainties]], he shall end in [[doubts]]; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.]]
<!--[[File:William Blake - Christ in the Sepulchre, Guarded by Angels.jpg |thumb|In this theater of man's [[life]] it is reserved only for [[God]] and [[angels]] to be lookers on.]]-->
* '''For all [[knowledge]] and wonder (which is the seed of knowledge) is an impression of pleasure in itself.'''
** Book I, i, 3
* Let great authors have their due, as time, which is the author of authors, be not deprived of his due, which is, further and further to discover truth.
** Book I, iv, 10
* '''Time, which is the author of authors.'''
** Book I, iv, 12
* The two ways of contemplation are not unlike the two ways of action commonly spoken of by the ancients: the one plain and smooth in the beginning, and in the end impassable; the other rough and troublesome in the entrance, but after a while fair and even. So it is in contemplation: '''If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.'''
** Book I, v, 8
* ''Antiquitas saeculi juventus mundi.''
** '''The age of antiquity is the youth of the world.''' (These times are the ancient times, when the world is ancient, and not those which we account ancient ''ordine retrogrado'', by a computation backward from ourselves.)
*** Book I, v, 8
* The greatest error of all the rest is the mistaking or misplacing of the last or farthest end of [[knowledge]]: for men have entered into a desire of learning and knowledge, sometimes upon a natural curiosity and inquisitive appetite; sometimes to entertain their minds with variety and delight; sometimes for ornament and reputation; and sometimes to enable them to victory of wit and contradiction; and most times for lucre and profession; and seldom sincerely to give a true account of their gift of reason, to the benefit and use of men: as if there were sought in knowledge a couch whereupon to rest a searching and restless spirit; or a tarrasse, for a wandering and variable mind to walk up and down with a fair prospect; or a tower of state, for a proud mind to raise itself upon; or a fort or commanding ground, for strife and contention; or a shop, for profit or sale; and not a rich storehouse, for the glory of the Creator and the relief of man's estate.
** Book I, v, 11
* It is manifest that there is no danger at all in the proportion or quantity of knowledge, how large soever, lest it should make it swell or out-compass itself; no, but it is merely the quality of knowledge, which, be it in quantity more or less, if it be taken without the true corrective thereof, hath in it some nature of venom or malignity, and some effects of that venom, which is ventosity or swelling. This corrective spice, the mixture whereof maketh knowledge so sovereign, is charity, which the Apostle immediately addeth to the former clause; for so he saith, "Knowledge bloweth up, but charity buildeth up".
** Book I
* The sun, which passeth through pollutions and itself remains as pure as before.
** Book II
* Sacred and inspired divinity, the sabaoth and port of all men's labours and peregrinations.
** Book II
* Cleanness of body was ever deemed to proceed from a due reverence to God.
** Book II
* States as great engines move slowly.
** Book II
* The use of this feigned history hath been to give some shadow of satisfaction to the mind of man in those points wherein the nature of things doth deny it, the world being in proportion inferior to the soul; by reason whereof there is, agreeable to the spirit of man, a more ample greatness, a more exact goodness, and a more absolute variety, than can be found in the nature of things. Therefore, because the acts or events of true history have not that magnitude which satisfieth the mind of man, poesy feigneth acts and events greater and more heroical: because true history propoundeth the successes and issues of actions not so agreeable to the merits of virtue and vice, therefore poesy feigns them more just in retribution, and more according to revealed providence: because true history representeth actions and events more ordinary, and less interchanged, therefore poesy endueth them with more rareness, and more unexpected and alternative variations: so as it appeareth that poesy serveth and conferreth to magnanimity, morality, and to delectation. And therefore it was ever thought to have some participation of divineness, because it doth raise and erect the mind, by submitting the shows of things to the desires of the mind; whereas reason doth buckle and bow the mind into the nature of things.
** Book II, iv, 2
* They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.
** Book II, vii, 5
* But men must know that in this theater of man's life it is reserved only for God and angels to be lookers on.
** Book II, xx, 8
* We are much beholden to [[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavel]] and others, that write what men do, and not what they ought to do.
** Book II, xxi, 9
* The obliteration of the evil hath been practised by two means, some kind of redemption or expiation of that which is past, and an inception or account ''de novo'' for the time to come. But this part seemeth sacred and religious, and justly; for all good moral philosophy (as was said) is but a handmaid to religion.
** Book II, xxii, 14
* Only charity admitteth no excess. For so we see, aspiring to be like God in power, the angels transgressed and fell; ''Ascendam, et ero similis altissimo'': by aspiring to be like God in knowledge, man transgressed and fell; ''Eritis sicut Dii, scientes bonum et malum'': but by aspiring to a similitude of God in goodness or love, neither man nor angel ever transgressed, or shall transgress.
** Book II, xxii
* For man seeketh in society comfort, use, and protection: and they be three wisdoms of divers natures, which do often sever: wisdom of the behaviour, wisdom of business, and wisdom of state.
** Book II, xxiii
[[File:Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|Seek first the [[virtues]] of the [[mind]]; and other things either will come, or will not be wanted.]]
* ''Primum quaerite bona animi; caetera aut aderunt, aut non oberunt.''
** Seek first the virtues of the mind; and other things either will come, or will not be wanted.
*** Book II, xxxi
* I could not be true and constant to the argument I handle, if I were not willing to go beyond others; but yet not more willing than to have others go beyond me again: which may the better appear by this, that I have propounded my opinions naked and unarmed, not seeking to preoccupate the liberty of men's judgments by confutations.
** Book II
* For the inquisition of Final Causes is barren, and like a virgin consecrated to God produces nothing.
** Book III, viii
* Silence is the virtue of a fool.
** Book VI, xxxi
* As we divided natural philosophy in general into the inquiry of [[w:Four causes|causes]], and productions of effects: so that part which concerneth the inquiry of causes we do subdivide according to the received and sound division of causes. The one part, which is [[Physics|physic]], inquireth and handleth the material and efficient causes; and the other, which is [[Metaphysics|metaphysic]], handleth the formal and final causes.
** Book VII, 3
* This misplacing hath caused a deficience, or at least a great improficience in the sciences themselves. For the handling of final causes, mixed with the rest in physical inquiries, hath intercepted the severe and diligent inquiry of all real and physical causes, and given men the occasion to stay upon these satisfactory and [[wiktionary:specious#Adjective|specious]] causes, to the great arrest and prejudice of further discovery. For this I find done not only by [[Plato]], who ever anchoreth upon that shore, but by [[Aristotle]], [[Galen]], and others which do usually likewise fall upon these flats of discoursing causes.
** Book VII, 7
* The [[w:Natural philosophy|natural philosophy]] of [[Democritus]] and some others, who did not suppose a mind or reason in the frame of things, but attributed the form thereof able to maintain itself to infinite essays or proofs of nature, which they term fortune, seemeth to me... in particularities of physical causes more real and better inquired than that of Aristotle and Plato; whereof both intermingled final causes, the one as a part of theology, and the other as a part of logic, which were the favourite studies respectively of both those persons. Not because those final causes are not true, and worthy to be inquired, being kept within their own province; but because their excursions into the limits of physical causes hath bred a vastness and solitude in that tract.
** Book VII, 7
[[File:Brooklyn Museum - The Pharisees Question Jesus (Les pharisiens questionnent Jésus) - James Tissot.jpg|thumb|Our Saviour [[Christ]]... not being like man, which knows man's [[thoughts]] by his [[words]], but knowing man's thoughts immediately, He never answered their words, but their thoughts.]]
* Touching the secrets of the heart and the successions of time, doth make a just and sound difference between the manner of the exposition of the Scriptures and all other books. For it is an excellent observation which hath been made upon the answers of our Saviour [[Christ]] to many of the questions which were propounded to Him, how that they are impertinent to the state of the question demanded: the reason whereof is, because not being like man, which knows man's thoughts by his words, but knowing man's thoughts immediately, He never answered their words, but their thoughts. Much in the like manner it is with the Scriptures, which being written to the thoughts of men, and to the succession of all ages, with a foresight of all heresies, contradictions, differing estates of the Church, yea, and particularly of the elect, are not to be interpreted only according to the latitude of the proper sense of the place, and respectively towards that present occasion whereupon the words were uttered, or in precise congruity or contexture with the words before or after, or in contemplation of the principal scope of the place; but have in themselves, not only totally or collectively, but distributively in clauses and words, infinite springs and streams of doctrine to water the Church in every part. And therefore as the literal sense is, as it were, the main stream or river, so the moral sense chiefly, and sometimes the allegorical or typical, are they whereof the Church hath most use; not that I wish men to be bold in allegories, or indulgent or light in allusions: but that I do much condemn that interpretation of the Scripture which is only after the manner as men use to interpret a profane book.
** XXV (17)
* Neither did the dispensation of God vary in the times after our Saviour came into the world; for our Saviour himself did first show His power to subdue ignorance, by His conference with the priests and doctors of the law, before He showed His power to subdue nature by His miracles. And the coming of this Holy Spirit was chiefly figured and expressed in the similitude and gift of tongues, which are but vehicula scientiæ.
=== ''[[w:Novum Organum|Novum Organum]]'' (1620)===
:<small> ''Novum Organum Scientiarum'' also known as ''The New Organon''</small>
[[File:Instauratio Magna 1620 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Man, being the servant and interpreter of [[Nature]], can do and [[understand]] so much and so much only as he has observed in [[fact]] or in [[thought]] of the course of nature. Beyond this he neither [[knows]] anything nor can do anything.]]
* Those who have taken upon them to lay down the [[law]] of [[nature]] as a thing already searched out and [[understood]], whether they have spoken in simple assurance or professional affectation, have therein done [[philosophy]] and the [[sciences]] great [[injury]]. For as they have been successful in inducing belief, so they have been effective in quenching and stopping inquiry; and have done more harm by spoiling and putting an end to other men's efforts than good by their own. Those on the other hand who have taken a contrary course, and asserted that absolutely nothing can be known — whether it were from hatred of the ancient sophists, or from uncertainty and fluctuation of mind, or even from a kind of fullness of learning, that they fell upon this opinion — have certainly advanced reasons for it that are not to be despised; but yet they have neither started from true principles nor rested in the just conclusion, zeal and affectation having carried them much too far.... <br /> Now my method, though hard to practice, is easy to explain; and it is this. I propose to establish progressive stages of certainty. The evidence of the sense, helped and guarded by a certain process of correction, I retain. But the mental operation which follows the act of sense I for the most part reject; and instead of it I open and lay out a new and certain path for the mind to proceed in, starting directly from the simple sensuous perception.
* We are wont to call that human reasoning which we apply to Nature the ''anticipation of Nature'' (as being rash and premature) and that which is properly deduced from things the ''interpretation of Nature''.
==== Book I ====
[[File:Square1.jpg|thumb|[[Human]] [[knowledge]] and human [[power]] meet in one; for where the cause is not known the effect cannot be produced. [[Nature]] to be commanded must be obeyed...]]
[[File:Francisci Baconi, baronis de Verulamio Novum organum scientiarum.jpg|thumb|The subtlety of [[nature]] is [[greater]] many times over than the subtlety of [[argument]].]]
[[File:British - Francis Bacon - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|We cannot command [[nature]] except by obeying her.]]
[[File:Universum.jpg|thumb|We cannot conceive of any [[end]] or limit to the [[world]], but always as of [[necessity]] it occurs to us that there is something beyond...]]
[[File:Stanford torus under construction.jpg|thumb|By far the greatest obstacle to the [[progress]] of [[science]] and to the undertaking of new tasks and provinces therein is found in this — that men despair and think things impossible.]]
<!--[[File:18-year old Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|Let men but think over their infinite expenditure of [[understanding]], [[time]], and means on matters and pursuits of far less use and [[value]]; whereof, if but a small part were directed to sound and solid studies, there is no difficulty that might not be overcome.]]-->
[[File:NSRW Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|[[Truth]] therefore and utility are here the very same thing.]]
* Man, being the servant and interpreter of Nature, can do and understand so much and so much only as he has observed in fact or in thought of the course of nature. Beyond this he neither knows anything nor can do anything.
** Aphorism 1
* The unassisted hand and the understanding left to itself possess but little power. Effects are produced by the means of instruments and helps, which the understanding requires no less than the hand; and as instruments either promote or regulate the motion of the hand, so those that are applied to the mind prompt or protect the understanding.
** Aphorism 2
* Human knowledge and human power meet in one; for where the cause is not known the effect cannot be produced. Nature to be commanded must be obeyed; and that which in contemplation is as the cause is in operation as the rule.
** Aphorism 3
* It would be an unsound fancy and self-contradictory to expect that things which have never yet been done can be done except by means which have never yet been tried.
** Aphorism 6
* The logic now in use serves rather to fix and give stability to the errors which have their foundation in commonly received notions than to help the search for truth. So it does more harm than good.
** Aphorism 7
* The cause and root of nearly all evils in the sciences is this — that while we falsely admire and extol the powers of the human mind we neglect to seek for its true helps.
** Aphorism 9
* There are and can be only two ways of searching into and discovering truth. The one flies from the senses and particulars to the most general axioms, and from these principles, the truth of which it takes for settled and immovable, proceeds to judgment and to the discovery of middle axioms. And this way is now in fashion. The other derives axioms from the senses and particulars, rising by a gradual and unbroken ascent, so that it arrives at the most general axioms last of all. This is the true way, but as yet untried.
** Aphorism 19
* '''There is a great difference between the Idols of the human mind and the Ideas of the divine.''' That is to say, between certain empty dogmas, and the true signatures and marks set upon the works of creation as they are found in nature.
** Aphorism 23
* It cannot be that axioms established by argumentation should avail for the discovery of new works, since the subtlety of nature is greater many times over than the subtlety of argument. But axioms duly and orderly formed from particulars easily discover the way to new particulars, and thus render sciences active.
** Aphorism 24
* Further, it will not be amiss to distinguish the three kinds and, as it were, grades of ambition in mankind. The first is of those who desire to extend their own power in their native country, a vulgar and degenerate kind. The second is of those who labor to extend the power and dominion of their country among men. This certainly has more dignity, though not less covetousness. But if a man endeavor to establish and extend the power and dominion of the human race itself over the universe, his ambition (if ambition it can be called) is without doubt both a more wholesome and a more noble thing than the other two. Now the empire of man over things depends wholly on the arts and sciences. For '''we cannot command nature except by obeying her.'''
** Aphorism 129
* There are four classes of Idols which beset men's minds. To these for distinction's sake I have assigned names — calling the first class, [[w:Idolon tribus|Idols of the Tribe]]; the second, [[w:Idolon specus|Idols of the Cave]]; the third, Idols of the Market-Place; the fourth, Idols of the Theater.
** Aphorism 39
* The Idols of Tribe have their foundation in human nature itself, and in the tribe or race of men. For it is a false assertion that the sense of man is the measure of things. On the contrary, all perceptions as well of the sense as of the mind are according to the measure of the individual and not according to the measure of the universe. And the human understanding is like a false mirror, which, receiving rays irregularly, distorts and discolors the nature of things by mingling its own nature with it.
** Aphorism 41
* The Idols of the Cave are the idols of the individual man. For everyone (besides the errors common to human nature in general) has a cave or den of his own, which refracts and discolors the light of nature, owing either to his own proper and peculiar nature; or to his education and conversation with others; or to the reading of books, and the authority of those whom he esteems and admires; or to the differences of impressions, accordingly as they take place in a mind preoccupied and predisposed or in a mind indifferent and settled; or the like. So that the spirit of man (according as it is meted out to different individuals) is in fact a thing variable and full of perturbation, and governed as it were by chance. Whence it was well observed by Heraclitus that men look for sciences in their own lesser worlds, and not in the greater or common world.
** Aphorism 42
* There are also Idols formed by the intercourse and association of men with each other, which I call Idols of the Market Place, on account of the commerce and consort of men there. For it is by discourse that men associate, and words are imposed according to the apprehension of the vulgar. And therefore the ill and unfit choice of words wonderfully obstructs the understanding. Nor do the definitions or explanations wherewith in some things learned men are wont to guard and defend themselves, by any means set the matter right. But words plainly force and overrule the understanding, and throw all into confusion, and lead men away into numberless empty controversies and idle fancies.
** Aphorism 43
* Lastly, there are Idols which have immigrated into men's minds from the various dogmas of philosophies, and also from wrong laws of demonstration. These I call Idols of the Theater, because in my judgment all the received systems are but so many stage plays, representing worlds of their own creation after an unreal and scenic fashion.
** Aphorism 44
* '''The human understanding is of its own nature prone to suppose the existence of more order and regularity in the world than it finds.''' And though there be many things in nature which are singular and unmatched, yet it devises for them parallels and conjugates and relatives which do not exist. Hence the fiction that all celestial bodies move in perfect circles, spirals and dragons being (except in name) utterly rejected.
** Aphorism 45
* The human understanding when it has once adopted an opinion (either as being the received opinion or as being agreeable to itself) draws all things else to support and agree with it. And though there be a greater number and weight of instances to be found on the other side, yet these it either neglects and despises, or else by some distinction sets aside and rejects, in order that by this great and pernicious predetermination the authority of its former conclusions may remain inviolate.
** Aphorism 46
* ...it is the peculiar and perpetual error of the human understanding to be more moved and excited by affirmatives than by negatives...
** Aphorism 46
* The human understanding is moved by those things most which strike and enter the mind simultaneously and suddenly, and so fill the imagination; and then it feigns and supposes all other things to be somehow, though it cannot see how, similar to those few things by which it is surrounded.
** Aphorism 47
* The human understanding is unquiet; it cannot stop or rest, and still presses onward, but in vain. Therefore it is that '''we cannot conceive of any end or limit to the world, but always as of necessity it occurs to us that there is something beyond...''' But he is no less an unskilled and shallow philosopher who seeks causes of that which is most general, than he who in things subordinate and subaltern omits to do so.
** Aphorism 48
* '''By far the greatest hindrance and aberration of the human understanding proceeds from the dullness, incompetency, and deceptions of the senses'''; in that things which strike the sense outweigh things which do not immediately strike it, though they be more important. Hence it is that speculation commonly ceases where sight ceases; insomuch that of things invisible there is little or no observation.
** Aphorism 50
* But the best demonstration by far is experience, if it go not beyond the actual experiment.
** Aphorism 70
* In the same manner as we are cautioned by religion to show our faith by our works we may very properly apply the principle to philosophy, and judge of it by its works; accounting that to be futile which is unproductive, and still more so, if instead of grapes and olives it yield but the thistle and thorns of dispute and contention.
** Aphorism 73
* It is not possible to run a course aright when the goal itself has not been rightly placed.
** Aphorism 81
* But by far the greatest obstacle to the progress of science and to the undertaking of new tasks and provinces therein is found in this — that men despair and think things impossible.
** Aphorism 92
* The beginning is from God: for the business which is in hand, having the character of good so strongly impressed upon it, appears manifestly to proceed from God, who is the author of good, and the Father of Lights. Now in divine operations even the smallest beginnings lead of a certainty to their end. And as it was said of spiritual things, "''The kingdom of God cometh not with observation''," so is it in all the greater works of Divine Providence; everything glides on smoothly and noiselessly, and the work is fairly going on "before men are aware that it has begun. Nor should the prophecy of [[Daniel]] be forgotten, touching the last ages of the world: —"''Many shall go to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased'';" clearly intimating that the thorough passage of the world (which now by so many distant voyages seems to be accomplished, or in course of accomplishment), and the advancement of the sciences, are destined by fate, that is, by Divine Providence, to meet in the same age.
** Aphorism 93
* Those who have handled sciences have been either men of experiment or men of dogmas. The men of experiment are like the ant, they only collect and use; the reasoners resemble spiders, who make cobwebs out of their own substance. But the bee takes a middle course: it gathers its material from the flowers of the garden and of the field, but transforms and digests it by a power of its own. Not unlike this is the true business of philosophy; for it neither relies solely or chiefly on the powers of the mind, nor does it take the matter which it gathers from natural history and mechanical experiments and lay it up in the memory whole, as it finds it, but lays it up in the understanding altered and digested. Therefore from a closer and purer league between these two faculties, the experimental and the rational (such as has never yet been made), much may be hoped.
** Aphorism 95
* No one has yet been found so firm of mind and purpose as resolutely to compel himself to sweep away all theories and common notions, and to apply the understanding, thus made fair and even, to a fresh examination of particulars. Thus it happens that human knowledge, as we have it, is a mere medley and ill-digested mass, made up of much credulity and much accident, and also of the childish notions which we at first imbibed.
** Aphorism 97
* Another argument of hope may be drawn from this — that some of the inventions already known are such as before they were discovered it could hardly have entered any man's head to think of; they would have been simply set aside as impossible. For in conjecturing what may be men set before them the example of what has been, and divine of the new with an imagination preoccupied and colored by the old; which way of forming opinions is very fallacious, for streams that are drawn from the springheads of nature do not always run in the old channels.
** Aphorism 109
* There is another ground of hope that must not be omitted. Let men but think over their infinite expenditure of understanding, time, and means on matters and pursuits of far less use and value; whereof, if but a small part were directed to sound and solid studies, there is no difficulty that might not be overcome.
** Aphorism 111
* Let men learn (as we have said above) the difference that exists between the idols of the human mind, and the ideas of the Divine mind. The former are mere arbitrary abstractions; the latter the true marks of the Creator on his creatures, as they are imprinted on, and defined in matter, by true and exquisite touches. Truth, therefore, and utility are here perfectly identical.
** Aphorism 124
* Again, we should notice the force, effect, and consequences of inventions, which are nowhere more conspicuous than in those three which were unknown to the ancients; namely, printing, gunpowder, and the compass. For these three have changed the appearance and state of the whole world; first in literature, then in warfare, and lastly in navigation: and innumerable changes have been thence derived, so that no empire, sect, or star, appears to have exercised a greater power and influence on human affairs than these mechanical discoveries.
** Aphorism 129
==== Book II ====
[[File:Herschel - A Preliminary Discourse on the Study of Natural Philosophy (1831) Bacon.jpg|thumb|[[Truth]] will sooner come out from [[error]] than from [[confusion]].]]
* Truth will sooner come out from error than from confusion.
** Aphorism 20
* Above all, every relation must be considered as suspicious, which depends in any degree upon religion, as the prodigies of [[Livy]]: And no less so, everything that is to be found in the writers of natural magic or alchemy, or such authors, who seem, all of them, to have an unconquerable appetite for falsehood and fable.
** Aphorism 29
* [N]ot only must we seek the measure of motions and actions by themselves, but much more in comparison; for this is of excellent use and very general application. Now we find that the flash of a gun is seen sooner than its report is heard... and this is owing it seems to the motion of light being more rapid than that of sound. We find to that visible images are received by the sight faster than they are dismissed; thus the strings of the violin, when struck by the finger, are to appearance doubled and tripled, because the new image is received before the old one is gone; which is also why the reason why rings being spun round look like globes, and a lighted torch, carried hastily at night, seems to have a tail. And it was upon this inequality of motions in point of velocity that [[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]] built his theory of flux and reflux of the sea; supposing that the earth revolved faster than the water could follow; and that the water was therefore first gathered in a heap and then fell down, as we see in a basin of water moved quickly. But this he devised upon an assumption which cannot be allowed, viz. that the earth moves; and also without being well informed as to the sexhorary motion of the tide.
** Aphorism 46
* Since my logic aims to teach and instruct the understanding, not that it may with the slender tendrils of the mind snatch at and lay hold of abstract notions (as the common logic does), but that it may in very truth dissect nature, and discover the virtues and actions of bodies, with their laws as determined in matter; so that this science flows not merely from the nature of the mind, but also from the nature of things.
** Aphorism 52
* To God, truly, the Giver and Architect of Forms, and it may be to the angels and higher intelligences, it belongs to have an affirmative knowledge of forms immediately, and from the first contemplation. But this assuredly is more than man can do, to whom it is granted only to proceed at first by negatives, and at last to end in affirmatives, after exclusion has been exhausted.
** Aphorism XV
=== ''Apophthegms'' (1624)===
[[File:Statua Marco Aurelio Musei Capitolini Fronte2.JPG|thumb|Old wood best to burn, old [[wine]] to [[drink]], old [[friends]] to [[trust]], and old authors to [[read]].]]
* My Lord St. Albans said that Nature did never put her precious jewels into a garret four stories high, and therefore that exceeding tall men had ever very empty heads.
** No. 17
* Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
** No. 36
* Like strawberry wives, that laid two or three great strawberries at the mouth of their pot, and all the rest were little ones.
** No. 54
* Sir Henry Wotton used to say that critics are like brushers of noblemen's clothes.
** No. 64
* Sir Amice Pawlet, when he saw too much haste made in any matter, was wont to say. "Stay a while, that we may make an end the sooner."
** No. 76
* Alonso of Aragon was wont to say in commendation of age, that age appears to be best in four things — old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.
** No. 97
* [[w:Pyrrhus_of_Epirus|Pyrrhus]], when his friends congratulated to him his victory over the Romans under Fabricius, but with great slaughter of his own side, said to them, "Yes; but if we have such another victory, we are undone".
** No. 193
* [[Cosimo de' Medici|Cosmus, Duke of Florence]], was wont to say of perfidious friends, that "We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends."
** No. 206
* [[Cato]] said the best way to keep good acts in memory was to refresh them with new.
** No. 247
=== ''The World'' (1629) ===
* The world's a bubble, and the life of man <br /> Less than a span.
* Who then to frail mortality shall trust <br /> But limns the water, or but writes in dust.
* What then remains but that we still should cry <br /> Not to be born, or, being born, to die?
=== ''Resuscitatio'' (1657) ===
* Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books.
** ''Proposition touching Amendment of Laws''
== Quotes about Francis Bacon ==
[[File:The explosion of the hydrogen bomb Ivy Mike.jpg|thumb|Knowledge, which is power, knows no limits, either in its enslavement of creation or in its deference to worldly masters. ~ [[Max Horkheimer|Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor Adorno|Adorno]]]]
*Bacon of Verulam, one of the greatest, perhaps the greatest of the precursors of modern philosophy, with his “Instauratio magna,” created the most logical method for directing intelligence in studies and replaced this method, based solely on sensory evidence, observation of nature, and experiments, with that of Aristotle, which derived everything from reasoning. Therefore, it was said that Bacon was the first to break through the [[Aristotle|Aristotelian school]], while everyone else, either out of fear or lack of ingenuity, revered it.
**[[Ulisse Bacci]], ''[https://archive.org/details/illibrodelmasson00bacc/page/n6/mode/1up Il libro del massone italiano]'', Editrice Vita nova, Roma, 1922<sup>2</sup> (in [[w:Italian language|Italian]]). Part One, Origins and Rites, p. 62.
*Bacon was one of the first to strike the key-note of materialism, not only by his inductive method (renovated from ill-digested Aristotle), but by the general tenor of his writings. He inverts the order of mental Evolution when saying that "the first Creation of God was the light of the sense; the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath work ever since is the illumination of the Spirit." It is just the reverse.
**[[Helena Blavatsky]] in "[[The Secret Doctrine]]" Vol. 1, (1888) p. 481
* The "Baconian" sciences were the kind Francis Bacon had in mind when he issued a call to revitalize science by basing it on craftsmen's knowledge of nature. Bacon is remembered as the most effective critic of the traditional learning promulgated the elite institutions of his day. ...Bacon advocated compiling a "history of arts," or encyclopedia of crafts knowledge...
** [[Clifford D. Conner]], ''A People's History of Science'' (2005)
* This is unquestionably the nature of the [[Inductive reasoning|principle of induction]] as proposed by Lord Bacon. Its useful and successful application, however, to the various departments of knowledge,—and there is scarcely any department to which, under suitable modifications, it may not be advantageously applied,—requires much care, attention, and assiduous patience. Bacon, therefore, employs the chief part of the first book of the ''Novum Organum'' in exposing the various prejudices and futile anticipations, which he calls the idols of the human mind, in contradistinction to the ideas of the divine mind, or those impressions of truth which are stamped upon the various elements and orders of creation. These idols he ranges under the four general classes, which he quaintly but expressively denominates Idols of the ''Tribe'', Idols of the ''Den'', Idols of the ''Forum'', and Idols of the ''Theatre''. The first class of idols, or prejudices, he represents as naturally inherent in the race of men, on account of the narrowness and imperfection of their views; the second, as peculiar to individuals, and arising from their peculiar habits and pursuits, hence entitled idols of the den or cave; the third, as springing from the mutual intercourse of mankind with each other, hence called idols of the forum or market; and the fourth, as originating in the false and fantastic theories of philosophers, exhibited from age to age as so many scenic representations on the stage of the intellectual world, and therefore appropriately styled idols of the theatre.
** John Davies (D.D., Hon. Canon of Durham), ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=6-VhAAAAcAAJ The Handmaid, or, The Pursuits of Literature and Philosophy, Considered as Subservient to the Interests of Morality and Religion: Five Dissertations]'' (1841)
*His achievement was not the less great because it was indirect. His philosophical works, though little read now, "moved the intellects which moved the world." He made himself the eloquent voice of the optimism and resolution of the Renaissance. Never was any man so great a stimulus to other thinkers... The whole tenor and career of British thought have followed the philosophy of Bacon. His tendency to conceive the world in Democritean mechanical terms gave to his secretary, Hobbes, the starting-point for a thorough-going materialism; his inductive method gave to Locke the idea of an empirical psychology, bound by observation and freed from theology and metaphysics; and his emphasis on "commodities" and "fruits" found formulation in Bentham's identification of the useful and the good. Wherever the spirit of control has overcome the spirit of resignation, Bacon's influence has been felt. He is the voice of all those Europeans who have changed a continent from a forest into a treasure-land of art and science, and have made their little peninsula the center of the world... Everything is possible to man. Time is young; give us some little centuries, and we shall control and remake all things. We shall perhaps at last learn the noblest lesson of all, that man must not fight man, but must make war only on the obstacles that nature offers to the triumph of man.
**[[w:Will Durant|Will Durant]], [[w:The Story of Philosophy|''The Story of Philosophy: the Lives and Opinions of the Greater Philosophers'']] (1926)
* For Bacon as for [[Martin Luther|Luther]], "knowledge that tendeth but to satisfaction, is but as a courtesan, which is for pleasure, and not for fruit or generation." Its concern is not "satisfaction, which men call truth," but "operation," the effective procedure. The "true end, scope or office of knowledge" does not consist in "any plausible, delectable, reverend or admired discourse, or any satisfactory arguments, but in effecting and working, and in discovery of particulars not revealed before, for the better endowment and help of man's life." There shall be neither mystery nor any desire to reveal mystery.
** [[Max Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor W. Adorno]], ''[[Dialectic of Enlightenment]]'' (1947), p. 2
* ''Das Wissen, das Macht ist, kennt keine Schranken, weder in der Versklavung der Kreatur noch in der Willfähigkeit gegen die Herren der Welt''.
** Knowledge, which is power, knows no limits, either in its enslavement of creation or in its deference to worldly masters.
*** [[Max Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor W. Adorno]], ''[[Dialectic of Enlightenment]]'' (1947), p. 2
* Francis Bacon long ago called attention to the play of predispositions or prejudices in man's life when he wrote of four "Idols," or types of false opinion, that man must avoid if he wishes to attain sound judgements.<br />...1. ''The idols of the tribe'' are those false opinions which, by the very nature of man himself, are likely to distort and discolor his judgements. Bacon recognized "the mind" as an active agent that tended to project its own whims and desires into its surroundings... therefore... man, collectively speaking, tends to be anthropocentric or "man-centered" in his investigations of nature.<br />2. ''The idols of the cave'' are those errors which the individual makes in consequence of his peculiar or personal temperament and background. Each individual has been inevitably, if not unduly, influenced by certain traditions, authorities, and the like which have been especially admired in the particular "cave" or locality where his values came about as a reflection of what his associates valued.<br />3. ''The idols of the market place'' are those errors which arise as a result of the ways we confuse one another, especially through the nonrigorous and vague or ambiguous use of language. Bacon recognized that language does not necessarily reflect either the content or the structure of reality, that it is quite possible to create "names" for nonexistent things. Men may think that reason governs the use of words; but in reality it is often words which govern reason.<br />4. ''The idols of the theater'' are those errors or false opinions imbedded in an uncritically accepted tradition. Thus, pride of race, exaggerated nationalism, or perverted patriotism may become the essential traditions of a culture; and in some communities children grow up in a climate of social snobbery, narrow sectarianism in religion, and strict partisanism in politics.<br />Bacon believed that "the power of reason" gave man the ability to rise above prejudice.
** H. Gordon Hullfish, Philip G. Smith, ''Reflective Thinking: The Method of Education'' (1961)
* Francis Bacon had essayed to sum up the past of physical science, and to indicate the path which it must follow if its great destinies were to be fulfilled. And though the attempt was just such a magnificent failure as might have been expected from a man of great endowments, who was so singularly devoid of scientific insight that he could not understand the value of the work already achieved by the true instaurators of physical science; yet the majestic eloquence and the fervid [[wiktionary:vaticination#Noun|vaticinations]] of one who was conspicuous alike by the greatness of his rise and the depth of his fall, drew the attention of all the world to the 'new birth of Time.'
** [[Thomas Henry Huxley]], ''[[The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century]]'' (1889)
* [[René Descartes|Descartes]] was an eminent mathematician, and it would seem that the bent of his mind led him to overestimate the value of deductive reasoning from general principles, as much as Bacon had underestimated it.
** Thomas Henry Huxley, The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century (1889)
* To anyone who knows the business of investigation practically, Bacon's notion of establishing a company of investigators to work for 'fruits,' as if the pursuit of knowledge were a kind of mining operation and only required well-directed picks and shovels, seems very strange.
** [[Thomas Henry Huxley]], [[The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century]] (1889)
*With nature now cast as a machine, devoid of mystery or divinity, its component parts could be dammed, extracted, and remade with impunity. Nature still sometimes appeared as a woman, but one easily dominated and subdued. Sir Francis Bacon best encapsulated the new ethos when he wrote in the 1623 De dignitate et augmentis scientiarum that nature is to be "put in constraint, moulded, and made as it were new by art and the hand of man."
**[[Naomi Klein]] ''On Fire: The (Burning) Case for a Green New Deal'' (2019)
*The Head of the Seventh Ray is the Master the [[Comte de St. Germain]], known to history in the eighteenth century, whom we sometimes call the Master Rakoczy, as he is the last survivor of [[W:Rákóczi|that royal house]]. He was [[Francis Bacon]], [[W:Earl of Verulam|Lord Verulam]], in the seventeenth century, Robertus the monk in the sixteenth, [[w:John Hunyadi|Hunyadi Janos]] in the fifteenth, [[W:Christian Rosenkreuz|Christian Rosenkreuz]] in the fourteenth, and [[W:Roger Bacon|Roger Bacon]] in the thirteenth; he is the Hungarian Adept of The Occult World. Further back in time he was the great Neoplatonist [[Proclus]] and before that [[w:Saint Alban|St. Alban]]. p. 258
**[[C. W. Leadbeater]] in [https://www.theosophy.world/sites/default/files/ebooks/MastersandthePath.pdf ''The Masters and the Path''] (1925)
* Since... it appears that [[Aristotle]] very distinctly recognized the cardinal principles of the Baconian philosophy, why... has the world credited Bacon with a great reform in the very attacks he made on Aristotle? The answer is simple. Bacon did not attack the Method which Aristotle ''taught''; indeed, he was very imperfectly acquainted with it. He attacked the Method which the followers of Aristotle ''practised''.
** [[George Henry Lewes]], ''[[Aristotle: a Chapter from the History of Science]]'' (1864)
*Bacon has been accused of servility, of dissimulation, of various base motives, and their filthy brood of base actions, all unworthy of his high birth, and incompatible with his great wisdom, and the estimation in which he was held by the noblest spirits of the age. It is true that there were men in his own time, and will be men in all times, who are better pleased to count spots in the sun than to rejoice in its glorious brightness. Such men have openly libelled him, like Dewes and Weldon, whose falsehoods were detected as soon as uttered, or have fastened upon certain ceremonious compliments and dedications, the fashion of his day, as a sample of his servility, passing over his noble letters to the Queen, his lofty contempt for the Lord Keeper Puckering, his open dealing with Sir Robert Cecil, and with others, who, powerful when he was nothing, might have blighted his opening fortunes for ever, forgetting his advocacy of the rights of the people in the face of the court, and the true and honest counsels, always given by him, in times of great difficulty, both to Elizabeth and her successor. When was a "base sycophant" loved and honoured by piety such as that of Herbert, Tennison, and Rawley, by noble spirits like Hobbes, Ben Jonson, and Selden, or followed to the grave, and beyond it, with devoted affection such as that of Sir Thomas Meautys.
** {{w|Basil Montagu}}, ''Essays and Selections'', pp. 325–326. ISBN-13 : 978-1164636656. (1837)
* One of the simplest and broadest aspects under which to view the physical world, is that of a system of final causes, or, on the other hand, of initial or effective causes. Bacon, having it in view to extend our power over nature, adopted the latter. He took firm hold of the idea of causation (in the common sense of the word) as contrasted with that of design, refusing to mix up the two ideas in one inquiry, and denouncing such traditional interpretations of facts, as did but obscure the simplicity of the aspect necessary for his purpose. He saw what others before him might have seen in what they saw, but who did not see as he saw it. In this achievement of intellect, which has been so fruitful in results, lie his genius and his fame.
** [[John Henry Newman]], ''A Grammar of Assent'' (London: Burns, Oates, & Co., 1870), p. 366
* The doctrine of the ''Novum Organum'' may be summed up, from our point of view, as the sovereignty of technique. It represents, not merely a preoccupation with technique combined with a recognition that technical knowledge is never the whole of knowledge, but the assertion that technique and some material for it to work upon are all that matters. Nevertheless, this is not itself the beginning of the new intellectual fashion, it is only an early and unmistakable intimation of it: the fashion itself may be said to have sprung from the exaggeration of Bacon's hopes rather than from the character of his beliefs.
** [[Michael Oakeshott]], "Rationalism in Politics" (1947), published in ''Rationalism in Politics and other essays'' (1962)
* If parts allure thee, think how Bacon shin'd<br />The wisest, brightest, meanest of mankind.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[Essay on Man]]'' (1732-1734)
* He never took a pride, as in the humour of some, in putting any of his guests, or that otherwise discours'd with him, to the blush; but was ever ready to countenance and encourage their abilities, whatever they were. Neither was he one that would appropriate the discourse to himself alone, but left a liberty to the rest of the company to take their turns; wherein he took pleasure to hear a man speak in his own faculty, and would draw him on, and allure him to discourse upon such a subject. And for himself, he despised no man's observations; but would light his torch at any man's candle.
** [[w:William Rawley|William Rawley]], "The Life Of the Honourable Author" in ''Lord Bacon's Essays, &c.'' Vol. II (London: 1720), pp. xiii–xiv. Cf. [[w:Francis Osborne|Francis Osborne]], ''Advice to a Son'': "Thus he [Lord Bacon] did not only learn himself, but gratify such as taught him; who looked upon their callings as honoured through his notice".
* When Bacon, who commended [[w:Henry_VII_of_England|Henry VII]] for protecting the tenant right of the small farmer, and pleaded in the House of Commons for more drastic land legislation, wrote "Wealth is like muck. It is not good but if it be spread," he was expressing in an epigram what was the commonplace of every writer on politics from [[w:John_Fortescue_(judge)|Fortescue]] at the end of the fifteenth century to [[w:James_Harrington_(author)|Harrington]] in the middle of the seventeenth.
** [[R. H. Tawney]], ''[[The Acquisitive Society]]'' (1920); also see Bacon's [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q2W1AAAAIAAJ& ''History of the Reign of King Henry VII''] (1622)
* The Lord Chancellor was not particularly interested in the writings of the humanists.
** Carlos G. Noreña. 1907. Juan Luis Vives. Springer Science & Business Media. 241.
* The case of the Baconians is not won until it has been proved that the substitution of covetousness for wantlessness, or an ascending spiral of desires for a stable requirement of necessities, leads to a happier condition.
** [[Richard Weaver]], ''Ideas Have Consequences'' (Chicago: 1948), pp. 14-15
* If Bacon had weighed well all that Science had achieved in his time, and had laid down a complete scheme of rules for scientific research, so far as they could be collected from the lights of that age, it would still be incumbent upon the philosophical world to augment as well as preserve the inheritance which he left; by combining with his doctrines such new views as the advances of later times cannot fail to produce or suggest; and by endeavouring to provide, for every kind of truth, methods of research as effective as those to which we owe the clearest and surest portions of our knowledge. Such a renovation and extension of the reform of philosophy appears to belong peculiarly to our own time.
** [[William Whewell]], ''[[History of the Inductive Sciences]]'' (1837)
* The Great Reform of Philosophy and Method, in which Bacon so eloquently called upon men to unite their exertions in his day, has, even in ours, been very imperfectly carried into effect. And even if his plan had been fully executed, it would now require to be pursued and extended.
** William Whewell, ''History of the Inductive Sciences'' (1837)
* The ''Novum Organon'' of Bacon was suitably ushered into the world by his ''Advancement of Learning''; and any attempt to continue and extend his Reform of the Methods and Philosophy of Science may, like his, be most fitly preceded by, and founded upon, a comprehensive Survey of the existing state of human knowledge.
** [[William Whewell]], ''[[History of the Inductive Sciences]]'' (1837)
{{Disputed begin}}
== Disputed ==
[[File:Der Sensemann2.jpg|thumb|[[Death]] is a [[friend]] of ours; and he that is not ready to entertain him is not at [[home]].]]
* Death is a friend of ours; and he that is not ready to entertain him is not at home.
** ''An Essay on Death'', published in ''The Remaines of the Right Honourable Francis Lord Verulam'' (1648), which may not have been written by Bacon
* '''Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not, and a sense of humor to console him for what he is.'''
** Attributed to Bacon without citation of work in ''Geary's Guide to the World's Great Aphorists'' (2007) by James Geary, p. 112; this is sometimes attributed to others, also without citation of works, but is most often quoted as an anonymous aphorism, with no published sources yet located prior to ''The Deke Quarterly'', Vol. 56, No. 3 (1938)
{{Disputed end}}
{{Misattributed begin}}
==Misattributed==
[[File:Peraldus Vices and Virtues.jpg|thumb|There is no vice that doth so cover a man with shame as to be found false and [[Betrayal|perfidious]].{{citation needed}}]]
* Choose the best life; for habit will make it pleasant
** [[Epictetus]], Fragment 144
* For behavior, men learn it, as they take diseases, one of another.
** In an essay by [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], "Solitude and Society" in ''The Atlantic Monthly'', Vol. 1, (December 1857), p. 228, this follows a statement clearly attributed to Bacon, which might be a paraphrase. Without explicit citation, this is added to the parapgraph with quote marks but seems to be a paraphrase of lines by [[William Shakespeare]], from ''King Henry IV'', Part II, Act V, scene 1: "It is certain that either wife bearing or ignorant carriage is caught, as men take diseases, one of another: therefore let men take heed of their company."
*It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else, and still unknown to himself
** A translation of chorus lines in a classical tragedy by [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Thyestes'', lines 401-403, appearing in ''Essays, Civil and Moral'' by Francis Bacon, part XI, Of Great Place. The original lines in latin are ''Illi mors gravis incubate/Qui notus nimis omnibus/Ignotus moritur sibi''. Inaccurately attributed to Francis Bacon in ''Amazing Grace'', a 2006 historical drama.
{{Misattributed end}}
== See also ==
{{Philosophy of science}}
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}
*[http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/francis-bacon/ ''Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy'']
*{{gutenberg author|id=Francis_Bacon|name=Francis Bacon}}
*[http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/b/bacon/francis/ Online editions of Bacon's works]
* [http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/phl302/texts/bacon/bacon_essays.html Bacon's Essays, 1601 edition, modernized spelling]
* [http://www.constitution.org/bacon/nov_org.htm ''Novum Organum'' Online]
* [http://www.earlymoderntexts.com/f_bacon.html ''The New Organon'' (PDF versions)]
*[http://www.sirbacon.org/ Sir Francis Bacon's New Advancement of Learning]
*[http://www.hirohurl.net/engren.html Essays on the English Renaissance]
*[http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/cgi-local/DHI/dhi.cgi?id=dv1-25 ''Dictionary of the History of Ideas'': Baconianism]
*[http://www.infopt.demon.co.uk/baconfra.htm "Queen James and His Courtiers : Sir Francis Bacon"] by [[w:Rictor Norton|Rictor Norton]]
*[http://www.twickenham-museum.org.uk/detail.asp?ContentID=184 The Twickenham Museum - Sir Francis Bacon]
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[[Category:Novelists from England]]
[[Category:Essayists from England]]
[[Category:Scientists from England]]
[[Category:Politicians from England]]
[[Category:Lord Chancellors (United Kingdom)]]
[[Category:Philosophers from England]]
[[Category:Lawyers from England]]
[[Category:Latin authors]]
[[Category:Anglicans from the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:People from London]]
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:''Not to be confused with: [[Roger Bacon]]''
:''For the artist, see [[Francis Bacon (artist)]]''
[[File:William Larkin Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|I have taken all [[knowledge]] to be my province.]]
'''[[w:Francis Bacon|Francis Bacon, 1st Viscount St. Alban]]''' KC ([[22 January]] [[1561]] – [[9 April]] [[1626]]) was an English [[philosopher]], [[statesman]] and [[essayist]]. His works argued for the possibility of scientific knowledge based only upon inductive reasoning and careful observation of events in nature. Most importantly, he argued this could be achieved by use of a sceptical and methodical approach whereby scientists aim to avoid misleading themselves. His general idea of the importance and possibility of a skeptical methodology makes Bacon the father of the [[scientific method]]. This marked a new turn in the rhetorical and theoretical framework for science, the practical details of which are still central in debates about science and methodology today.
: See also:
:: ''[[The Great Instauration]]''
:: ''[[Ornamenta Rationalia]]''
:: ''[[Essays (Francis Bacon)]]''
== Quotes ==
* '''Libraries are as the shrine where all the relics of the ancient saints, full of true virtue, and that without delusion or imposture, are preserved and reposed.'''
[[File:Francis Bacon, Viscount St Alban from NPG (2).jpg|thumb|The monuments of [[wit]] survive the monuments of [[power]].]]
[[File:Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|[[Knowledge]] itself is [[power]].]]
<!--[[File:Francis Bacon filosofo.jpg|thumb|I confess that I have as vast contemplative ends, as I have moderate civil ends.]]-->
* I confess that I have as vast contemplative ends, as I have moderate civil ends: for '''I have taken all [[knowledge]] to be my province'''; and if I could purge it of two sorts of rovers, whereof the one with frivolous disputations, confutations, and verbosities, the other with blind experiments and auricular traditions and impostures, hath committed so many spoils, I hope I should bring in industrious observations, grounded conclusions, and profitable inventions and discoveries; the best state of that province. This, whether it be curiosity, or vainglory, or nature, or (if one take it favourably) [[Philanthropy|philanthropia]], is so fixed in my mind as it cannot be removed. And I do easily see, that place of any reasonable countenance doth bring commandment of more wits than of a man's own; which is the thing I greatly affect.
** Letter to [[William Cecil, 1st Baron Burghley]] (ca. 1593), published in ''The Works of Francis Bacon: Baron of Verulam, Viscount St. Alban, and Lord High Chancellor of England'', 14 Vols. (1870), James Spedding, Robert L. Ellis, Douglas D. Heath, editors, Vol. VIII, p. 109. See also, for approximate date, Mrs. Henry Pott, ''Francis Bacon and His Secret Society'' (1891) [https://books.google.com/books?id=tKc_AAAAYAAJ&pg=PA114 p. 114].
* '''The monuments of [[wit]] survive the monuments of [[power]].'''
** ''Essex's Device'' (1595)
* ''Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.''
** '''For [[knowledge]] itself is [[power]].'''
** ''Meditationes Sacræ'' [''Sacred Meditations''] (1597), "De Hæresibus" [Of Heresies]
:: Variants:
:: ''Scientia ipsa potentia est''.
::: '''Knowledge itself is power.'''
:: ''Scientia potestas est''. / ''[[w:Scientia potentia est|Scientia potentia est]].'' / ''Scientia est potentia''.
::: '''Knowledge is power.'''
* '''Nay, number (itself) in armies, importeth not much, where the people is of weak [[courage]]; for (as [[Virgil]] saith) it never troubles the [[wolf]] how many the [[sheep]] be.'''
** ''Essays or Counsels Civil and Moral'' (1597), XXIX: "Of the True Greatness of Kingdoms and Estates."
* It is not the pleasure of curiosity, nor the quiet of resolution, nor the raising of the spirit, nor victory of wit, nor faculty of speech (…) that are the true ends of knowledge (…), but it is a restitution and reinvesting, in great part, of man to the sovereignty and power, for whensoever he shall be able to call the creatures by their true names, he shall again command them.
** ''Valerius Terminus: Of the Interpretation of Nature'' (ca. 1603), in ''Works'', Vol. I, p. 83; ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1819), Vol. 2, [https://books.google.com/books?id=xgE9AAAAYAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]
* Knowledge, that tendeth but to satisfaction, is but as a courtesan, which is for pleasure, and not for fruit or generation.
** ''Valerius Terminus: Of the Interpretation of Nature'' (ca. 1603), in ''Works'', Vol. 1, p. 83; ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1819), Vol. 2, [https://books.google.com/books?id=xgE9AAAAYAAJ&pg=PA133 p. 133]
* For I find that even those that have sought knowledge for itself and not for benefit, or ostentation, or any practical enablement in the course of their life, have nevertheless propounded to themselves a wrong mark, namely, satisfaction, which men call truth, and not operation. For as in the courts and services of princes and states, it is a much easier matter to give satisfaction than to do the business; so in the inquiring of causes and reasons it is much easier to find out such causes as will satisfy the mind of man, and quiet objections, than such causes as will direct him and give him light to new experiences and inventions.
** ''Valerius Terminus: Of the Interpretation of Nature'' (ca. 1603), in ''Works'', Vol. 1; ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1857), Vol. 3, [https://books.google.com/books?id=HloJAAAAQAAJ&pg=PA232 p. 232]
* [[Aristotle]] (…) a mere bond-servant to his [[logic]], thereby rendering it contentious and well nigh useless.
** ''Rerum Novarum'' (1605)
* Lucid intervals and [[happy]] pauses.
** ''History of King Henry VII'', III (1622)
[[File:F Goya Disparates No.2 Torheit der Furcht.jpg|thumb|[[Nothing]] is terrible except [[fear]] itself.]]
* ''Nil terribile nisi ipse timor.''
** Nothing is terrible except [[fear]] itself.
** ''De Augmentis Scientiarum'', Book II, "Fortitudo" (1623)
* Riches are a [[good]] handmaid, but the worst mistress.
** ''De Augmentis Scientiarum'', Book II, "Antitheta" (1623)
*''Audacter calumniare, semper aliquid haeret''.
** Hurl your calumnies boldly; something is sure to stick.
**''De Augmentis Scientiarum'' (1623)
* Credulity in arts and opinions (…) is likewise of two kinds viz., when men give too much belief to arts themselves, or to certain authors in any art. The sciences that sway the imagination more than the reason are principally three viz., astrology, natural magic, and alchemy (…). Alchemy may be compared to the man who told his sons that he had left them gold, buried somewhere in his vineyard; while they by digging found no gold, but by turning up the mould about the roots of the vines procured a plentiful vintage. So the search and endeavours to make gold have brought many useful inventions to light.
** ''De Augmentis Scientiarum'' (1623) as quoted by [[w:Thomas Edward Thorpe|Edward Thorpe]], ''History of Chemistry'', Vol. 1, p. 43.
* I bequeath my [[soul]] to [[God]] (…). My body to be buried obscurely. For my [[name]] and [[memory]], I leave it to men's charitable speeches, and to foreign nations, and the next age.
** His will (1626)
* We have also sound houses, where we practice and demonstrate all sounds and their generation. We have harmonies which you have not, of quarter sounds and lesser slides of sounds. Divers instruments of music likewise to you unknown, some sweeter than any you have; together with bells and rings that are dainty and sweet. We represent small sounds as great and deep; likewise divers trembling and warblings of sounds, which in their original are entire. We represent and imitate all articulate sounds and letters, and the voices of beasts and birds. We have certain helps which set to the ear to do further the hearing greatly. We have also divers strange and artificial echoes, reflecting the voice many times, and as if it were tossing it; and some that give back the voice louder than it came, some shriller and some deeper; yea, some rendering the voice, differing in the letters or articulate sound from that they receive. We have also means to convey sounds in tubes and pipes, in strange lines and distance (…).
** ''[http://www.constitution.org/bacon/new_atlantis.htm New Atlantis]'' (1627)
* It is true that may hold in these things, which is the general root of superstition; namely, that men observe when things hit, and not when they miss; and commit to memory the one, and forget and pass over the other.
** ''Sylva Sylvarum'' Century X (1627)
* [I]n the system of [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]] there are found many and great inconveniences; for both the loading of the earth with triple motion is very incommodious, and the separation of the sun from the company of the planets, with which it has so many passions in common, is likewise a difficulty, and the introduction of so much immobility into nature, by representing the sun and stars as immovable, especially being of all bodies the highest and most radiant, and making the moon revolve about the earth in an epicycle, and some other '''assumptions of his, are the speculations of one who cares not what fictions he introduces into nature, provided his calculations answer.''' But if it be granted that the earth moves, it would seem more natural to suppose that there is no system at all, but scattered globes (…) than to constitute a system of which the sun is the centre. And this the consent of ages and of antiquity has rather embraced and approved. For the opinion concerning the motion of the earth is not new, but revived from the ancients (…) whereas the opinion that the sun is the centre of the world and immovable is altogether new (…) and was first introduced by Copernicus. (…) But if the earth moves, the stars may either be stationary, as Copernicus thought or, as it is far more probable, and has been suggested by [[William Gilbert (astronomer)|Gilbert]], they may revolve each round its own centre in its own place, without any motion of its centre, as the earth itself does (…). But either way, there is no reason why there should not be stars above stars til they go beyond our sight.
** ''Descriptio Globi Intellectualis'' (1653, written ca. 1612), Chap. 6, as quoted in "Description of the Intellectual Globe," ''The Works of Francis Bacon'' (1889), Vol. 4, ed. {{w|James Spedding}}, {{w|Robert Leslie Ellis}}, [[w:Douglas Heath|Douglas Denon Heath]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=lsILAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA517 pp. 517-518].
* ''Ne mireris, si vulgus verius loquatur quam honoratiores; quia etiam tutius loquitur.''
** Do not wonder, if the common people speak more truly than those of high rank; for they speak with more safety.
*** ''Exempla Antithetorum'', [http://books.google.com/books?id=C9cQAAAAYAAJ&q="Ne+mireris+si+vulgus+verius+loquatur+quam+honoratiores+quia+etiam+tutius+loquitur"&pg=PA692#v=onepage IX. Laus, Existimatio (Pro.)]
* He that defers his charity 'till he is dead, is (if a man weighs it rightly) rather liberal of another man's, than of his own.
** ''Ornamenta Rationalia'', [[http://books.google.com/books?id=VHNUAAAAYAAJ&q="He+that+defers+his+charity+'till+he+is+dead+is+if+a+man+weighs+it"+"rather+liberal+of+another+man's+than+of+his+own"&pg=PA298#v=onepage §55]]
* The law of nature teaches me to speak in my own defence: With respect to this charge of bribery I am as innocent as any man born on St. Innocents Day. I never had a bribe or reward in my eye or thought when pronouncing judgment or order (…). I am ready to make an oblation of myself to the King. (17 April 1621)
** Quoted by [[w:John Campbell, 1st Baron Campbell|Baron John Campbell]] (1818), J. Murray in "The Lives of the Lord Chancellors and Keepers of the Great Seal of England"
* My mind is calm, for my fortune is not my felicity. I know I have clean hands and a clean heart, and I hope a clean house for friends or servants; but Job himself, or whoever was the justest judge, by such hunting for matters against him as hath been used against me, may for a time seem foul, especially in a time when greatness is the mark and accusation is the game.
** Quoted by Thomas Fowler in "Francis Bacon 1561–1626'' (1885)
* Whence we see spiders, flies, or ants entombed and preserved forever in amber, a more than royal tomb.
** ''Historia Vitæ et Mortis; Sylva Sylvarum'', Cent. i. Exper. 100, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)
* When you wander, as you often delight to do, you wander indeed, and give never such satisfaction as the curious time requires. This is not caused by any natural defect, but first for want of election, when you, having a large and fruitful mind, should not so much labour what to speak as to find what to leave unspoken. Rich soils are often to be weeded.
** Letter of Expostulation to Coke, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)
* [Jews] hate the name of Christ and have a secret and innate rancor against the people among whom they live.
** See ''[https://books.google.com.br/books?id=-bIAEAAAQBAJ&pg=PT190 Silent Truth]'' by Mark Edwards
* There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
** Of Beauty https://www.authorama.com/essays-of-francis-bacon-43.html
=== ''Meditationes sacræ'' (1597) ===
* If thou shalt aspire after the glorious acts of men, thy working shall be accompanied with compunction and strife, and thy remembrance followed with distaste and upbraidings; and justly doth it come to pass towards thee, O man, that since thou, which art God's work, doest him no reason in yielding him well-pleasing service, even thine own works also should reward thee with the like fruit of bitterness.
** ''Of The Works Of God and Man''
* For a man to love again where he is loved, it is the charity of publicans contracted by mutual profit and good offices; but '''to love a man's enemies is one of the cunningest points of the law of [[Christ]], and an imitation of the divine nature'''.
** ''Of The Exaltation of Charity''
*I dare affirm in knowledge of nature, that a little natural philosophy, and the first entrance into it, doth dispose the opinion to atheism; but on the other side, much natural philosophy and wading deep into it, will bring about men's minds to religion; wherefore atheism every way seems to be combined with folly and ignorance, seeing nothing can can be more justly allotted to be the saying of fools than this, "There is no God"
**''Of Atheism''
* ''"You err, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God"'' This canon is the mother of all canons against heresy; '''the causes of error are two; the ignorance of the will of God, and the ignorance or not sufficient consideration of his power'''.
** ''Of Heresies''
*Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man.
**''Of Studies''
*Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.
**''Of Studies''
*Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested; that is, some books are to be read only in parts; others to be read, but not curiously; and some few to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention.
**''Of Studies''
=== ''The Advancement of Learning'' (1605) ===
[[File:An archangel revealing the physical nature of the universe t Wellcome L0022460.jpg|thumb|All [[knowledge]] and wonder (which is the seed of knowledge) is an impression of pleasure in itself.]]
[[File:Bacon's Rose.gif|alt=|thumb|If a man will begin with [[certainties]], he shall end in [[doubts]]; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.]]
<!--[[File:William Blake - Christ in the Sepulchre, Guarded by Angels.jpg |thumb|In this theater of man's [[life]] it is reserved only for [[God]] and [[angels]] to be lookers on.]]-->
* '''For all [[knowledge]] and wonder (which is the seed of knowledge) is an impression of pleasure in itself.'''
** Book I, i, 3
* Let great authors have their due, as time, which is the author of authors, be not deprived of his due, which is, further and further to discover truth.
** Book I, iv, 10
* '''Time, which is the author of authors.'''
** Book I, iv, 12
* The two ways of contemplation are not unlike the two ways of action commonly spoken of by the ancients: the one plain and smooth in the beginning, and in the end impassable; the other rough and troublesome in the entrance, but after a while fair and even. So it is in contemplation: '''If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.'''
** Book I, v, 8
* ''Antiquitas saeculi juventus mundi.''
** '''The age of antiquity is the youth of the world.''' (These times are the ancient times, when the world is ancient, and not those which we account ancient ''ordine retrogrado'', by a computation backward from ourselves.)
*** Book I, v, 8
* The greatest error of all the rest is the mistaking or misplacing of the last or farthest end of [[knowledge]]: for men have entered into a desire of learning and knowledge, sometimes upon a natural curiosity and inquisitive appetite; sometimes to entertain their minds with variety and delight; sometimes for ornament and reputation; and sometimes to enable them to victory of wit and contradiction; and most times for lucre and profession; and seldom sincerely to give a true account of their gift of reason, to the benefit and use of men: as if there were sought in knowledge a couch whereupon to rest a searching and restless spirit; or a tarrasse, for a wandering and variable mind to walk up and down with a fair prospect; or a tower of state, for a proud mind to raise itself upon; or a fort or commanding ground, for strife and contention; or a shop, for profit or sale; and not a rich storehouse, for the glory of the Creator and the relief of man's estate.
** Book I, v, 11
* It is manifest that there is no danger at all in the proportion or quantity of knowledge, how large soever, lest it should make it swell or out-compass itself; no, but it is merely the quality of knowledge, which, be it in quantity more or less, if it be taken without the true corrective thereof, hath in it some nature of venom or malignity, and some effects of that venom, which is ventosity or swelling. This corrective spice, the mixture whereof maketh knowledge so sovereign, is charity, which the Apostle immediately addeth to the former clause; for so he saith, "Knowledge bloweth up, but charity buildeth up".
** Book I
* The sun, which passeth through pollutions and itself remains as pure as before.
** Book II
* Sacred and inspired divinity, the sabaoth and port of all men's labours and peregrinations.
** Book II
* Cleanness of body was ever deemed to proceed from a due reverence to God.
** Book II
* States as great engines move slowly.
** Book II
* The use of this feigned history hath been to give some shadow of satisfaction to the mind of man in those points wherein the nature of things doth deny it, the world being in proportion inferior to the soul; by reason whereof there is, agreeable to the spirit of man, a more ample greatness, a more exact goodness, and a more absolute variety, than can be found in the nature of things. Therefore, because the acts or events of true history have not that magnitude which satisfieth the mind of man, poesy feigneth acts and events greater and more heroical: because true history propoundeth the successes and issues of actions not so agreeable to the merits of virtue and vice, therefore poesy feigns them more just in retribution, and more according to revealed providence: because true history representeth actions and events more ordinary, and less interchanged, therefore poesy endueth them with more rareness, and more unexpected and alternative variations: so as it appeareth that poesy serveth and conferreth to magnanimity, morality, and to delectation. And therefore it was ever thought to have some participation of divineness, because it doth raise and erect the mind, by submitting the shows of things to the desires of the mind; whereas reason doth buckle and bow the mind into the nature of things.
** Book II, iv, 2
* They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.
** Book II, vii, 5
* But men must know that in this theater of man's life it is reserved only for God and angels to be lookers on.
** Book II, xx, 8
* We are much beholden to [[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavel]] and others, that write what men do, and not what they ought to do.
** Book II, xxi, 9
* The obliteration of the evil hath been practised by two means, some kind of redemption or expiation of that which is past, and an inception or account ''de novo'' for the time to come. But this part seemeth sacred and religious, and justly; for all good moral philosophy (as was said) is but a handmaid to religion.
** Book II, xxii, 14
* Only charity admitteth no excess. For so we see, aspiring to be like God in power, the angels transgressed and fell; ''Ascendam, et ero similis altissimo'': by aspiring to be like God in knowledge, man transgressed and fell; ''Eritis sicut Dii, scientes bonum et malum'': but by aspiring to a similitude of God in goodness or love, neither man nor angel ever transgressed, or shall transgress.
** Book II, xxii
* For man seeketh in society comfort, use, and protection: and they be three wisdoms of divers natures, which do often sever: wisdom of the behaviour, wisdom of business, and wisdom of state.
** Book II, xxiii
[[File:Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|Seek first the [[virtues]] of the [[mind]]; and other things either will come, or will not be wanted.]]
* ''Primum quaerite bona animi; caetera aut aderunt, aut non oberunt.''
** Seek first the virtues of the mind; and other things either will come, or will not be wanted.
*** Book II, xxxi
* I could not be true and constant to the argument I handle, if I were not willing to go beyond others; but yet not more willing than to have others go beyond me again: which may the better appear by this, that I have propounded my opinions naked and unarmed, not seeking to preoccupate the liberty of men's judgments by confutations.
** Book II
* For the inquisition of Final Causes is barren, and like a virgin consecrated to God produces nothing.
** Book III, viii
* Silence is the virtue of a fool.
** Book VI, xxxi
* As we divided natural philosophy in general into the inquiry of [[w:Four causes|causes]], and productions of effects: so that part which concerneth the inquiry of causes we do subdivide according to the received and sound division of causes. The one part, which is [[Physics|physic]], inquireth and handleth the material and efficient causes; and the other, which is [[Metaphysics|metaphysic]], handleth the formal and final causes.
** Book VII, 3
* This misplacing hath caused a deficience, or at least a great improficience in the sciences themselves. For the handling of final causes, mixed with the rest in physical inquiries, hath intercepted the severe and diligent inquiry of all real and physical causes, and given men the occasion to stay upon these satisfactory and [[wiktionary:specious#Adjective|specious]] causes, to the great arrest and prejudice of further discovery. For this I find done not only by [[Plato]], who ever anchoreth upon that shore, but by [[Aristotle]], [[Galen]], and others which do usually likewise fall upon these flats of discoursing causes.
** Book VII, 7
* The [[w:Natural philosophy|natural philosophy]] of [[Democritus]] and some others, who did not suppose a mind or reason in the frame of things, but attributed the form thereof able to maintain itself to infinite essays or proofs of nature, which they term fortune, seemeth to me... in particularities of physical causes more real and better inquired than that of Aristotle and Plato; whereof both intermingled final causes, the one as a part of theology, and the other as a part of logic, which were the favourite studies respectively of both those persons. Not because those final causes are not true, and worthy to be inquired, being kept within their own province; but because their excursions into the limits of physical causes hath bred a vastness and solitude in that tract.
** Book VII, 7
[[File:Brooklyn Museum - The Pharisees Question Jesus (Les pharisiens questionnent Jésus) - James Tissot.jpg|thumb|Our Saviour [[Christ]]... not being like man, which knows man's [[thoughts]] by his [[words]], but knowing man's thoughts immediately, He never answered their words, but their thoughts.]]
* Touching the secrets of the heart and the successions of time, doth make a just and sound difference between the manner of the exposition of the Scriptures and all other books. For it is an excellent observation which hath been made upon the answers of our Saviour [[Christ]] to many of the questions which were propounded to Him, how that they are impertinent to the state of the question demanded: the reason whereof is, because not being like man, which knows man's thoughts by his words, but knowing man's thoughts immediately, He never answered their words, but their thoughts. Much in the like manner it is with the Scriptures, which being written to the thoughts of men, and to the succession of all ages, with a foresight of all heresies, contradictions, differing estates of the Church, yea, and particularly of the elect, are not to be interpreted only according to the latitude of the proper sense of the place, and respectively towards that present occasion whereupon the words were uttered, or in precise congruity or contexture with the words before or after, or in contemplation of the principal scope of the place; but have in themselves, not only totally or collectively, but distributively in clauses and words, infinite springs and streams of doctrine to water the Church in every part. And therefore as the literal sense is, as it were, the main stream or river, so the moral sense chiefly, and sometimes the allegorical or typical, are they whereof the Church hath most use; not that I wish men to be bold in allegories, or indulgent or light in allusions: but that I do much condemn that interpretation of the Scripture which is only after the manner as men use to interpret a profane book.
** XXV (17)
* Neither did the dispensation of God vary in the times after our Saviour came into the world; for our Saviour himself did first show His power to subdue ignorance, by His conference with the priests and doctors of the law, before He showed His power to subdue nature by His miracles. And the coming of this Holy Spirit was chiefly figured and expressed in the similitude and gift of tongues, which are but vehicula scientiæ.
=== ''[[w:Novum Organum|Novum Organum]]'' (1620)===
:<small> ''Novum Organum Scientiarum'' also known as ''The New Organon''</small>
[[File:Instauratio Magna 1620 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Man, being the servant and interpreter of [[Nature]], can do and [[understand]] so much and so much only as he has observed in [[fact]] or in [[thought]] of the course of nature. Beyond this he neither [[knows]] anything nor can do anything.]]
* Those who have taken upon them to lay down the [[law]] of [[nature]] as a thing already searched out and [[understood]], whether they have spoken in simple assurance or professional affectation, have therein done [[philosophy]] and the [[sciences]] great [[injury]]. For as they have been successful in inducing belief, so they have been effective in quenching and stopping inquiry; and have done more harm by spoiling and putting an end to other men's efforts than good by their own. Those on the other hand who have taken a contrary course, and asserted that absolutely nothing can be known — whether it were from hatred of the ancient sophists, or from uncertainty and fluctuation of mind, or even from a kind of fullness of learning, that they fell upon this opinion — have certainly advanced reasons for it that are not to be despised; but yet they have neither started from true principles nor rested in the just conclusion, zeal and affectation having carried them much too far.... <br /> Now my method, though hard to practice, is easy to explain; and it is this. I propose to establish progressive stages of certainty. The evidence of the sense, helped and guarded by a certain process of correction, I retain. But the mental operation which follows the act of sense I for the most part reject; and instead of it I open and lay out a new and certain path for the mind to proceed in, starting directly from the simple sensuous perception.
* We are wont to call that human reasoning which we apply to Nature the ''anticipation of Nature'' (as being rash and premature) and that which is properly deduced from things the ''interpretation of Nature''.
==== Book I ====
[[File:Square1.jpg|thumb|[[Human]] [[knowledge]] and human [[power]] meet in one; for where the cause is not known the effect cannot be produced. [[Nature]] to be commanded must be obeyed...]]
[[File:Francisci Baconi, baronis de Verulamio Novum organum scientiarum.jpg|thumb|The subtlety of [[nature]] is [[greater]] many times over than the subtlety of [[argument]].]]
[[File:British - Francis Bacon - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|We cannot command [[nature]] except by obeying her.]]
[[File:Universum.jpg|thumb|We cannot conceive of any [[end]] or limit to the [[world]], but always as of [[necessity]] it occurs to us that there is something beyond...]]
[[File:Stanford torus under construction.jpg|thumb|By far the greatest obstacle to the [[progress]] of [[science]] and to the undertaking of new tasks and provinces therein is found in this — that men despair and think things impossible.]]
<!--[[File:18-year old Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|Let men but think over their infinite expenditure of [[understanding]], [[time]], and means on matters and pursuits of far less use and [[value]]; whereof, if but a small part were directed to sound and solid studies, there is no difficulty that might not be overcome.]]-->
[[File:NSRW Francis Bacon.jpg|thumb|[[Truth]] therefore and utility are here the very same thing.]]
* Man, being the servant and interpreter of Nature, can do and understand so much and so much only as he has observed in fact or in thought of the course of nature. Beyond this he neither knows anything nor can do anything.
** Aphorism 1
* The unassisted hand and the understanding left to itself possess but little power. Effects are produced by the means of instruments and helps, which the understanding requires no less than the hand; and as instruments either promote or regulate the motion of the hand, so those that are applied to the mind prompt or protect the understanding.
** Aphorism 2
* Human knowledge and human power meet in one; for where the cause is not known the effect cannot be produced. Nature to be commanded must be obeyed; and that which in contemplation is as the cause is in operation as the rule.
** Aphorism 3
* It would be an unsound fancy and self-contradictory to expect that things which have never yet been done can be done except by means which have never yet been tried.
** Aphorism 6
* The logic now in use serves rather to fix and give stability to the errors which have their foundation in commonly received notions than to help the search for truth. So it does more harm than good.
** Aphorism 7
* The cause and root of nearly all evils in the sciences is this — that while we falsely admire and extol the powers of the human mind we neglect to seek for its true helps.
** Aphorism 9
* There are and can be only two ways of searching into and discovering truth. The one flies from the senses and particulars to the most general axioms, and from these principles, the truth of which it takes for settled and immovable, proceeds to judgment and to the discovery of middle axioms. And this way is now in fashion. The other derives axioms from the senses and particulars, rising by a gradual and unbroken ascent, so that it arrives at the most general axioms last of all. This is the true way, but as yet untried.
** Aphorism 19
* '''There is a great difference between the Idols of the human mind and the Ideas of the divine.''' That is to say, between certain empty dogmas, and the true signatures and marks set upon the works of creation as they are found in nature.
** Aphorism 23
* It cannot be that axioms established by argumentation should avail for the discovery of new works, since the subtlety of nature is greater many times over than the subtlety of argument. But axioms duly and orderly formed from particulars easily discover the way to new particulars, and thus render sciences active.
** Aphorism 24
* Further, it will not be amiss to distinguish the three kinds and, as it were, grades of ambition in mankind. The first is of those who desire to extend their own power in their native country, a vulgar and degenerate kind. The second is of those who labor to extend the power and dominion of their country among men. This certainly has more dignity, though not less covetousness. But if a man endeavor to establish and extend the power and dominion of the human race itself over the universe, his ambition (if ambition it can be called) is without doubt both a more wholesome and a more noble thing than the other two. Now the empire of man over things depends wholly on the arts and sciences. For '''we cannot command nature except by obeying her.'''
** Aphorism 129
* There are four classes of Idols which beset men's minds. To these for distinction's sake I have assigned names — calling the first class, [[w:Idolon tribus|Idols of the Tribe]]; the second, [[w:Idolon specus|Idols of the Cave]]; the third, Idols of the Market-Place; the fourth, Idols of the Theater.
** Aphorism 39
* The Idols of Tribe have their foundation in human nature itself, and in the tribe or race of men. For it is a false assertion that the sense of man is the measure of things. On the contrary, all perceptions as well of the sense as of the mind are according to the measure of the individual and not according to the measure of the universe. And the human understanding is like a false mirror, which, receiving rays irregularly, distorts and discolors the nature of things by mingling its own nature with it.
** Aphorism 41
* The Idols of the Cave are the idols of the individual man. For everyone (besides the errors common to human nature in general) has a cave or den of his own, which refracts and discolors the light of nature, owing either to his own proper and peculiar nature; or to his education and conversation with others; or to the reading of books, and the authority of those whom he esteems and admires; or to the differences of impressions, accordingly as they take place in a mind preoccupied and predisposed or in a mind indifferent and settled; or the like. So that the spirit of man (according as it is meted out to different individuals) is in fact a thing variable and full of perturbation, and governed as it were by chance. Whence it was well observed by Heraclitus that men look for sciences in their own lesser worlds, and not in the greater or common world.
** Aphorism 42
* There are also Idols formed by the intercourse and association of men with each other, which I call Idols of the Market Place, on account of the commerce and consort of men there. For it is by discourse that men associate, and words are imposed according to the apprehension of the vulgar. And therefore the ill and unfit choice of words wonderfully obstructs the understanding. Nor do the definitions or explanations wherewith in some things learned men are wont to guard and defend themselves, by any means set the matter right. But words plainly force and overrule the understanding, and throw all into confusion, and lead men away into numberless empty controversies and idle fancies.
** Aphorism 43
* Lastly, there are Idols which have immigrated into men's minds from the various dogmas of philosophies, and also from wrong laws of demonstration. These I call Idols of the Theater, because in my judgment all the received systems are but so many stage plays, representing worlds of their own creation after an unreal and scenic fashion.
** Aphorism 44
* '''The human understanding is of its own nature prone to suppose the existence of more order and regularity in the world than it finds.''' And though there be many things in nature which are singular and unmatched, yet it devises for them parallels and conjugates and relatives which do not exist. Hence the fiction that all celestial bodies move in perfect circles, spirals and dragons being (except in name) utterly rejected.
** Aphorism 45
* The human understanding when it has once adopted an opinion (either as being the received opinion or as being agreeable to itself) draws all things else to support and agree with it. And though there be a greater number and weight of instances to be found on the other side, yet these it either neglects and despises, or else by some distinction sets aside and rejects, in order that by this great and pernicious predetermination the authority of its former conclusions may remain inviolate.
** Aphorism 46
* ...it is the peculiar and perpetual error of the human understanding to be more moved and excited by affirmatives than by negatives...
** Aphorism 46
* The human understanding is moved by those things most which strike and enter the mind simultaneously and suddenly, and so fill the imagination; and then it feigns and supposes all other things to be somehow, though it cannot see how, similar to those few things by which it is surrounded.
** Aphorism 47
* The human understanding is unquiet; it cannot stop or rest, and still presses onward, but in vain. Therefore it is that '''we cannot conceive of any end or limit to the world, but always as of necessity it occurs to us that there is something beyond...''' But he is no less an unskilled and shallow philosopher who seeks causes of that which is most general, than he who in things subordinate and subaltern omits to do so.
** Aphorism 48
* '''By far the greatest hindrance and aberration of the human understanding proceeds from the dullness, incompetency, and deceptions of the senses'''; in that things which strike the sense outweigh things which do not immediately strike it, though they be more important. Hence it is that speculation commonly ceases where sight ceases; insomuch that of things invisible there is little or no observation.
** Aphorism 50
* But the best demonstration by far is experience, if it go not beyond the actual experiment.
** Aphorism 70
* In the same manner as we are cautioned by religion to show our faith by our works we may very properly apply the principle to philosophy, and judge of it by its works; accounting that to be futile which is unproductive, and still more so, if instead of grapes and olives it yield but the thistle and thorns of dispute and contention.
** Aphorism 73
* It is not possible to run a course aright when the goal itself has not been rightly placed.
** Aphorism 81
* But by far the greatest obstacle to the progress of science and to the undertaking of new tasks and provinces therein is found in this — that men despair and think things impossible.
** Aphorism 92
* The beginning is from God: for the business which is in hand, having the character of good so strongly impressed upon it, appears manifestly to proceed from God, who is the author of good, and the Father of Lights. Now in divine operations even the smallest beginnings lead of a certainty to their end. And as it was said of spiritual things, "''The kingdom of God cometh not with observation''," so is it in all the greater works of Divine Providence; everything glides on smoothly and noiselessly, and the work is fairly going on "before men are aware that it has begun. Nor should the prophecy of [[Daniel]] be forgotten, touching the last ages of the world: —"''Many shall go to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased'';" clearly intimating that the thorough passage of the world (which now by so many distant voyages seems to be accomplished, or in course of accomplishment), and the advancement of the sciences, are destined by fate, that is, by Divine Providence, to meet in the same age.
** Aphorism 93
* Those who have handled sciences have been either men of experiment or men of dogmas. The men of experiment are like the ant, they only collect and use; the reasoners resemble spiders, who make cobwebs out of their own substance. But the bee takes a middle course: it gathers its material from the flowers of the garden and of the field, but transforms and digests it by a power of its own. Not unlike this is the true business of philosophy; for it neither relies solely or chiefly on the powers of the mind, nor does it take the matter which it gathers from natural history and mechanical experiments and lay it up in the memory whole, as it finds it, but lays it up in the understanding altered and digested. Therefore from a closer and purer league between these two faculties, the experimental and the rational (such as has never yet been made), much may be hoped.
** Aphorism 95
* No one has yet been found so firm of mind and purpose as resolutely to compel himself to sweep away all theories and common notions, and to apply the understanding, thus made fair and even, to a fresh examination of particulars. Thus it happens that human knowledge, as we have it, is a mere medley and ill-digested mass, made up of much credulity and much accident, and also of the childish notions which we at first imbibed.
** Aphorism 97
* Another argument of hope may be drawn from this — that some of the inventions already known are such as before they were discovered it could hardly have entered any man's head to think of; they would have been simply set aside as impossible. For in conjecturing what may be men set before them the example of what has been, and divine of the new with an imagination preoccupied and colored by the old; which way of forming opinions is very fallacious, for streams that are drawn from the springheads of nature do not always run in the old channels.
** Aphorism 109
* There is another ground of hope that must not be omitted. Let men but think over their infinite expenditure of understanding, time, and means on matters and pursuits of far less use and value; whereof, if but a small part were directed to sound and solid studies, there is no difficulty that might not be overcome.
** Aphorism 111
* Let men learn (as we have said above) the difference that exists between the idols of the human mind, and the ideas of the Divine mind. The former are mere arbitrary abstractions; the latter the true marks of the Creator on his creatures, as they are imprinted on, and defined in matter, by true and exquisite touches. Truth, therefore, and utility are here perfectly identical.
** Aphorism 124
* Again, we should notice the force, effect, and consequences of inventions, which are nowhere more conspicuous than in those three which were unknown to the ancients; namely, printing, gunpowder, and the compass. For these three have changed the appearance and state of the whole world; first in literature, then in warfare, and lastly in navigation: and innumerable changes have been thence derived, so that no empire, sect, or star, appears to have exercised a greater power and influence on human affairs than these mechanical discoveries.
** Aphorism 129
==== Book II ====
[[File:Herschel - A Preliminary Discourse on the Study of Natural Philosophy (1831) Bacon.jpg|thumb|[[Truth]] will sooner come out from [[error]] than from [[confusion]].]]
* Truth will sooner come out from error than from confusion.
** Aphorism 20
* Above all, every relation must be considered as suspicious, which depends in any degree upon religion, as the prodigies of [[Livy]]: And no less so, everything that is to be found in the writers of natural magic or alchemy, or such authors, who seem, all of them, to have an unconquerable appetite for falsehood and fable.
** Aphorism 29
* [N]ot only must we seek the measure of motions and actions by themselves, but much more in comparison; for this is of excellent use and very general application. Now we find that the flash of a gun is seen sooner than its report is heard... and this is owing it seems to the motion of light being more rapid than that of sound. We find to that visible images are received by the sight faster than they are dismissed; thus the strings of the violin, when struck by the finger, are to appearance doubled and tripled, because the new image is received before the old one is gone; which is also why the reason why rings being spun round look like globes, and a lighted torch, carried hastily at night, seems to have a tail. And it was upon this inequality of motions in point of velocity that [[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]] built his theory of flux and reflux of the sea; supposing that the earth revolved faster than the water could follow; and that the water was therefore first gathered in a heap and then fell down, as we see in a basin of water moved quickly. But this he devised upon an assumption which cannot be allowed, viz. that the earth moves; and also without being well informed as to the sexhorary motion of the tide.
** Aphorism 46
* Since my logic aims to teach and instruct the understanding, not that it may with the slender tendrils of the mind snatch at and lay hold of abstract notions (as the common logic does), but that it may in very truth dissect nature, and discover the virtues and actions of bodies, with their laws as determined in matter; so that this science flows not merely from the nature of the mind, but also from the nature of things.
** Aphorism 52
* To God, truly, the Giver and Architect of Forms, and it may be to the angels and higher intelligences, it belongs to have an affirmative knowledge of forms immediately, and from the first contemplation. But this assuredly is more than man can do, to whom it is granted only to proceed at first by negatives, and at last to end in affirmatives, after exclusion has been exhausted.
** Aphorism XV
=== ''Apophthegms'' (1624)===
[[File:Statua Marco Aurelio Musei Capitolini Fronte2.JPG|thumb|Old wood best to burn, old [[wine]] to [[drink]], old [[friends]] to [[trust]], and old authors to [[read]].]]
* My Lord St. Albans said that Nature did never put her precious jewels into a garret four stories high, and therefore that exceeding tall men had ever very empty heads.
** No. 17
* Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
** No. 36
* Like strawberry wives, that laid two or three great strawberries at the mouth of their pot, and all the rest were little ones.
** No. 54
* Sir Henry Wotton used to say that critics are like brushers of noblemen's clothes.
** No. 64
* Sir Amice Pawlet, when he saw too much haste made in any matter, was wont to say. "Stay a while, that we may make an end the sooner."
** No. 76
* Alonso of Aragon was wont to say in commendation of age, that age appears to be best in four things — old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.
** No. 97
* [[w:Pyrrhus_of_Epirus|Pyrrhus]], when his friends congratulated to him his victory over the Romans under Fabricius, but with great slaughter of his own side, said to them, "Yes; but if we have such another victory, we are undone".
** No. 193
* [[Cosimo de' Medici|Cosmus, Duke of Florence]], was wont to say of perfidious friends, that "We read that we ought to forgive our enemies; but we do not read that we ought to forgive our friends."
** No. 206
* [[Cato]] said the best way to keep good acts in memory was to refresh them with new.
** No. 247
=== ''The World'' (1629) ===
* The world's a bubble, and the life of man <br /> Less than a span.
* Who then to frail mortality shall trust <br /> But limns the water, or but writes in dust.
* What then remains but that we still should cry <br /> Not to be born, or, being born, to die?
=== ''Resuscitatio'' (1657) ===
* Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books.
** ''Proposition touching Amendment of Laws''
== Quotes about Francis Bacon ==
[[File:The explosion of the hydrogen bomb Ivy Mike.jpg|thumb|Knowledge, which is power, knows no limits, either in its enslavement of creation or in its deference to worldly masters. ~ [[Max Horkheimer|Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor Adorno|Adorno]]]]
*Bacon of Verulam, one of the greatest, perhaps the greatest of the precursors of modern philosophy, with his “Instauratio magna,” created the most logical method for directing intelligence in studies and replaced this method, based solely on sensory evidence, observation of nature, and experiments, with that of Aristotle, which derived everything from reasoning. Therefore, it was said that Bacon was the first to break through the [[Aristotle|Aristotelian school]], while everyone else, either out of fear or lack of ingenuity, revered it.
**[[Ulisse Bacci]], ''[https://archive.org/details/illibrodelmasson00bacc/page/n6/mode/1up Il libro del massone italiano]'', Editrice Vita nova, Roma, 1922<sup>2</sup> (in [[w:Italian language|Italian]]). Part One, Origins and Rites, p. 62.
*Bacon was one of the first to strike the key-note of materialism, not only by his inductive method (renovated from ill-digested Aristotle), but by the general tenor of his writings. He inverts the order of mental Evolution when saying that "the first Creation of God was the light of the sense; the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath work ever since is the illumination of the Spirit." It is just the reverse.
**[[Helena Blavatsky]] in "[[The Secret Doctrine]]" Vol. 1, (1888) p. 481
* The "Baconian" sciences were the kind Francis Bacon had in mind when he issued a call to revitalize science by basing it on craftsmen's knowledge of nature. Bacon is remembered as the most effective critic of the traditional learning promulgated the elite institutions of his day. ...Bacon advocated compiling a "history of arts," or encyclopedia of crafts knowledge...
** [[Clifford D. Conner]], ''A People's History of Science'' (2005)
* This is unquestionably the nature of the [[Inductive reasoning|principle of induction]] as proposed by Lord Bacon. Its useful and successful application, however, to the various departments of knowledge,—and there is scarcely any department to which, under suitable modifications, it may not be advantageously applied,—requires much care, attention, and assiduous patience. Bacon, therefore, employs the chief part of the first book of the ''Novum Organum'' in exposing the various prejudices and futile anticipations, which he calls the idols of the human mind, in contradistinction to the ideas of the divine mind, or those impressions of truth which are stamped upon the various elements and orders of creation. These idols he ranges under the four general classes, which he quaintly but expressively denominates Idols of the ''Tribe'', Idols of the ''Den'', Idols of the ''Forum'', and Idols of the ''Theatre''. The first class of idols, or prejudices, he represents as naturally inherent in the race of men, on account of the narrowness and imperfection of their views; the second, as peculiar to individuals, and arising from their peculiar habits and pursuits, hence entitled idols of the den or cave; the third, as springing from the mutual intercourse of mankind with each other, hence called idols of the forum or market; and the fourth, as originating in the false and fantastic theories of philosophers, exhibited from age to age as so many scenic representations on the stage of the intellectual world, and therefore appropriately styled idols of the theatre.
** John Davies (D.D., Hon. Canon of Durham), ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=6-VhAAAAcAAJ The Handmaid, or, The Pursuits of Literature and Philosophy, Considered as Subservient to the Interests of Morality and Religion: Five Dissertations]'' (1841)
*His achievement was not the less great because it was indirect. His philosophical works, though little read now, "moved the intellects which moved the world." He made himself the eloquent voice of the optimism and resolution of the Renaissance. Never was any man so great a stimulus to other thinkers... The whole tenor and career of British thought have followed the philosophy of Bacon. His tendency to conceive the world in Democritean mechanical terms gave to his secretary, Hobbes, the starting-point for a thorough-going materialism; his inductive method gave to Locke the idea of an empirical psychology, bound by observation and freed from theology and metaphysics; and his emphasis on "commodities" and "fruits" found formulation in Bentham's identification of the useful and the good. Wherever the spirit of control has overcome the spirit of resignation, Bacon's influence has been felt. He is the voice of all those Europeans who have changed a continent from a forest into a treasure-land of art and science, and have made their little peninsula the center of the world... Everything is possible to man. Time is young; give us some little centuries, and we shall control and remake all things. We shall perhaps at last learn the noblest lesson of all, that man must not fight man, but must make war only on the obstacles that nature offers to the triumph of man.
**[[w:Will Durant|Will Durant]], [[w:The Story of Philosophy|''The Story of Philosophy: the Lives and Opinions of the Greater Philosophers'']] (1926)
* For Bacon as for [[Martin Luther|Luther]], "knowledge that tendeth but to satisfaction, is but as a courtesan, which is for pleasure, and not for fruit or generation." Its concern is not "satisfaction, which men call truth," but "operation," the effective procedure. The "true end, scope or office of knowledge" does not consist in "any plausible, delectable, reverend or admired discourse, or any satisfactory arguments, but in effecting and working, and in discovery of particulars not revealed before, for the better endowment and help of man's life." There shall be neither mystery nor any desire to reveal mystery.
** [[Max Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor W. Adorno]], ''[[Dialectic of Enlightenment]]'' (1947), p. 2
* ''Das Wissen, das Macht ist, kennt keine Schranken, weder in der Versklavung der Kreatur noch in der Willfähigkeit gegen die Herren der Welt''.
** Knowledge, which is power, knows no limits, either in its enslavement of creation or in its deference to worldly masters.
*** [[Max Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor W. Adorno]], ''[[Dialectic of Enlightenment]]'' (1947), p. 2
* Francis Bacon long ago called attention to the play of predispositions or prejudices in man's life when he wrote of four "Idols," or types of false opinion, that man must avoid if he wishes to attain sound judgements.<br />...1. ''The idols of the tribe'' are those false opinions which, by the very nature of man himself, are likely to distort and discolor his judgements. Bacon recognized "the mind" as an active agent that tended to project its own whims and desires into its surroundings... therefore... man, collectively speaking, tends to be anthropocentric or "man-centered" in his investigations of nature.<br />2. ''The idols of the cave'' are those errors which the individual makes in consequence of his peculiar or personal temperament and background. Each individual has been inevitably, if not unduly, influenced by certain traditions, authorities, and the like which have been especially admired in the particular "cave" or locality where his values came about as a reflection of what his associates valued.<br />3. ''The idols of the market place'' are those errors which arise as a result of the ways we confuse one another, especially through the nonrigorous and vague or ambiguous use of language. Bacon recognized that language does not necessarily reflect either the content or the structure of reality, that it is quite possible to create "names" for nonexistent things. Men may think that reason governs the use of words; but in reality it is often words which govern reason.<br />4. ''The idols of the theater'' are those errors or false opinions imbedded in an uncritically accepted tradition. Thus, pride of race, exaggerated nationalism, or perverted patriotism may become the essential traditions of a culture; and in some communities children grow up in a climate of social snobbery, narrow sectarianism in religion, and strict partisanism in politics.<br />Bacon believed that "the power of reason" gave man the ability to rise above prejudice.
** H. Gordon Hullfish, Philip G. Smith, ''Reflective Thinking: The Method of Education'' (1961)
* Francis Bacon had essayed to sum up the past of physical science, and to indicate the path which it must follow if its great destinies were to be fulfilled. And though the attempt was just such a magnificent failure as might have been expected from a man of great endowments, who was so singularly devoid of scientific insight that he could not understand the value of the work already achieved by the true instaurators of physical science; yet the majestic eloquence and the fervid [[wiktionary:vaticination#Noun|vaticinations]] of one who was conspicuous alike by the greatness of his rise and the depth of his fall, drew the attention of all the world to the 'new birth of Time.'
** [[Thomas Henry Huxley]], ''[[The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century]]'' (1889)
* [[René Descartes|Descartes]] was an eminent mathematician, and it would seem that the bent of his mind led him to overestimate the value of deductive reasoning from general principles, as much as Bacon had underestimated it.
** Thomas Henry Huxley, The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century (1889)
* To anyone who knows the business of investigation practically, Bacon's notion of establishing a company of investigators to work for 'fruits,' as if the pursuit of knowledge were a kind of mining operation and only required well-directed picks and shovels, seems very strange.
** [[Thomas Henry Huxley]], [[The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century]] (1889)
*With nature now cast as a machine, devoid of mystery or divinity, its component parts could be dammed, extracted, and remade with impunity. Nature still sometimes appeared as a woman, but one easily dominated and subdued. Sir Francis Bacon best encapsulated the new ethos when he wrote in the 1623 De dignitate et augmentis scientiarum that nature is to be "put in constraint, moulded, and made as it were new by art and the hand of man."
**[[Naomi Klein]] ''On Fire: The (Burning) Case for a Green New Deal'' (2019)
*The Head of the Seventh Ray is the Master the [[Comte de St. Germain]], known to history in the eighteenth century, whom we sometimes call the Master Rakoczy, as he is the last survivor of [[W:Rákóczi|that royal house]]. He was [[Francis Bacon]], [[W:Earl of Verulam|Lord Verulam]], in the seventeenth century, Robertus the monk in the sixteenth, [[w:John Hunyadi|Hunyadi Janos]] in the fifteenth, [[W:Christian Rosenkreuz|Christian Rosenkreuz]] in the fourteenth, and [[W:Roger Bacon|Roger Bacon]] in the thirteenth; he is the Hungarian Adept of The Occult World. Further back in time he was the great Neoplatonist [[Proclus]] and before that [[w:Saint Alban|St. Alban]]. p. 258
**[[C. W. Leadbeater]] in [https://www.theosophy.world/sites/default/files/ebooks/MastersandthePath.pdf ''The Masters and the Path''] (1925)
* Since... it appears that [[Aristotle]] very distinctly recognized the cardinal principles of the Baconian philosophy, why... has the world credited Bacon with a great reform in the very attacks he made on Aristotle? The answer is simple. Bacon did not attack the Method which Aristotle ''taught''; indeed, he was very imperfectly acquainted with it. He attacked the Method which the followers of Aristotle ''practised''.
** [[George Henry Lewes]], ''[[Aristotle: a Chapter from the History of Science]]'' (1864)
*Bacon has been accused of servility, of dissimulation, of various base motives, and their filthy brood of base actions, all unworthy of his high birth, and incompatible with his great wisdom, and the estimation in which he was held by the noblest spirits of the age. It is true that there were men in his own time, and will be men in all times, who are better pleased to count spots in the sun than to rejoice in its glorious brightness. Such men have openly libelled him, like Dewes and Weldon, whose falsehoods were detected as soon as uttered, or have fastened upon certain ceremonious compliments and dedications, the fashion of his day, as a sample of his servility, passing over his noble letters to the Queen, his lofty contempt for the Lord Keeper Puckering, his open dealing with Sir Robert Cecil, and with others, who, powerful when he was nothing, might have blighted his opening fortunes for ever, forgetting his advocacy of the rights of the people in the face of the court, and the true and honest counsels, always given by him, in times of great difficulty, both to Elizabeth and her successor. When was a "base sycophant" loved and honoured by piety such as that of Herbert, Tennison, and Rawley, by noble spirits like Hobbes, Ben Jonson, and Selden, or followed to the grave, and beyond it, with devoted affection such as that of Sir Thomas Meautys.
** {{w|Basil Montagu}}, ''Essays and Selections'', pp. 325–326. ISBN-13 : 978-1164636656. (1837)
* One of the simplest and broadest aspects under which to view the physical world, is that of a system of final causes, or, on the other hand, of initial or effective causes. Bacon, having it in view to extend our power over nature, adopted the latter. He took firm hold of the idea of causation (in the common sense of the word) as contrasted with that of design, refusing to mix up the two ideas in one inquiry, and denouncing such traditional interpretations of facts, as did but obscure the simplicity of the aspect necessary for his purpose. He saw what others before him might have seen in what they saw, but who did not see as he saw it. In this achievement of intellect, which has been so fruitful in results, lie his genius and his fame.
** [[John Henry Newman]], ''A Grammar of Assent'' (London: Burns, Oates, & Co., 1870), p. 366
* The doctrine of the ''Novum Organum'' may be summed up, from our point of view, as the sovereignty of technique. It represents, not merely a preoccupation with technique combined with a recognition that technical knowledge is never the whole of knowledge, but the assertion that technique and some material for it to work upon are all that matters. Nevertheless, this is not itself the beginning of the new intellectual fashion, it is only an early and unmistakable intimation of it: the fashion itself may be said to have sprung from the exaggeration of Bacon's hopes rather than from the character of his beliefs.
** [[Michael Oakeshott]], "Rationalism in Politics" (1947), published in ''Rationalism in Politics and other essays'' (1962)
* If parts allure thee, think how Bacon shin'd<br />The wisest, brightest, meanest of mankind.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[Essay on Man]]'' (1732-1734)
* He never took a pride, as in the humour of some, in putting any of his guests, or that otherwise discours'd with him, to the blush; but was ever ready to countenance and encourage their abilities, whatever they were. Neither was he one that would appropriate the discourse to himself alone, but left a liberty to the rest of the company to take their turns; wherein he took pleasure to hear a man speak in his own faculty, and would draw him on, and allure him to discourse upon such a subject. And for himself, he despised no man's observations; but would light his torch at any man's candle.
** [[w:William Rawley|William Rawley]], "The Life Of the Honourable Author" in ''Lord Bacon's Essays, &c.'' Vol. II (London: 1720), pp. xiii–xiv. Cf. [[w:Francis Osborne|Francis Osborne]], ''Advice to a Son'': "Thus he [Lord Bacon] did not only learn himself, but gratify such as taught him; who looked upon their callings as honoured through his notice".
* When Bacon, who commended [[w:Henry_VII_of_England|Henry VII]] for protecting the tenant right of the small farmer, and pleaded in the House of Commons for more drastic land legislation, wrote "Wealth is like muck. It is not good but if it be spread," he was expressing in an epigram what was the commonplace of every writer on politics from [[w:John_Fortescue_(judge)|Fortescue]] at the end of the fifteenth century to [[w:James_Harrington_(author)|Harrington]] in the middle of the seventeenth.
** [[R. H. Tawney]], ''[[The Acquisitive Society]]'' (1920); also see Bacon's [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q2W1AAAAIAAJ& ''History of the Reign of King Henry VII''] (1622)
* The Lord Chancellor was not particularly interested in the writings of the humanists.
** Carlos G. Noreña. 1907. Juan Luis Vives. Springer Science & Business Media. 241.
* The case of the Baconians is not won until it has been proved that the substitution of covetousness for wantlessness, or an ascending spiral of desires for a stable requirement of necessities, leads to a happier condition.
** [[Richard Weaver]], ''Ideas Have Consequences'' (Chicago: 1948), pp. 14-15
* If Bacon had weighed well all that Science had achieved in his time, and had laid down a complete scheme of rules for scientific research, so far as they could be collected from the lights of that age, it would still be incumbent upon the philosophical world to augment as well as preserve the inheritance which he left; by combining with his doctrines such new views as the advances of later times cannot fail to produce or suggest; and by endeavouring to provide, for every kind of truth, methods of research as effective as those to which we owe the clearest and surest portions of our knowledge. Such a renovation and extension of the reform of philosophy appears to belong peculiarly to our own time.
** [[William Whewell]], ''[[History of the Inductive Sciences]]'' (1837)
* The Great Reform of Philosophy and Method, in which Bacon so eloquently called upon men to unite their exertions in his day, has, even in ours, been very imperfectly carried into effect. And even if his plan had been fully executed, it would now require to be pursued and extended.
** William Whewell, ''History of the Inductive Sciences'' (1837)
* The ''Novum Organon'' of Bacon was suitably ushered into the world by his ''Advancement of Learning''; and any attempt to continue and extend his Reform of the Methods and Philosophy of Science may, like his, be most fitly preceded by, and founded upon, a comprehensive Survey of the existing state of human knowledge.
** [[William Whewell]], ''[[History of the Inductive Sciences]]'' (1837)
{{Disputed begin}}
== Disputed ==
[[File:Der Sensemann2.jpg|thumb|[[Death]] is a [[friend]] of ours; and he that is not ready to entertain him is not at [[home]].]]
* Death is a friend of ours; and he that is not ready to entertain him is not at home.
** ''An Essay on Death'', published in ''The Remaines of the Right Honourable Francis Lord Verulam'' (1648), which may not have been written by Bacon
* '''Imagination was given to man to compensate for what he is not, and a sense of humor to console him for what he is.'''
** Attributed to Bacon without citation of work in ''Geary's Guide to the World's Great Aphorists'' (2007) by James Geary, p. 112; this is sometimes attributed to others, also without citation of works, but is most often quoted as an anonymous aphorism, with no published sources yet located prior to ''The Deke Quarterly'', Vol. 56, No. 3 (1938)
{{Disputed end}}
{{Misattributed begin}}
==Misattributed==
[[File:Peraldus Vices and Virtues.jpg|thumb|There is no vice that doth so cover a man with shame as to be found false and [[Betrayal|perfidious]].{{citation needed}}]]
* Choose the best life; for habit will make it pleasant
** [[Epictetus]], Fragment 144
* For behavior, men learn it, as they take diseases, one of another.
** In an essay by [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], "Solitude and Society" in ''The Atlantic Monthly'', Vol. 1, (December 1857), p. 228, this follows a statement clearly attributed to Bacon, which might be a paraphrase. Without explicit citation, this is added to the parapgraph with quote marks but seems to be a paraphrase of lines by [[William Shakespeare]], from ''King Henry IV'', Part II, Act V, scene 1: "It is certain that either wife bearing or ignorant carriage is caught, as men take diseases, one of another: therefore let men take heed of their company."
*It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to everybody else, and still unknown to himself
** A translation of chorus lines in a classical tragedy by [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Thyestes'', lines 401-403, appearing in ''Essays, Civil and Moral'' by Francis Bacon, part XI, Of Great Place. The original lines in latin are ''Illi mors gravis incubate/Qui notus nimis omnibus/Ignotus moritur sibi''. Inaccurately attributed to Francis Bacon in ''Amazing Grace'', a 2006 historical drama.
{{Misattributed end}}
== See also ==
{{Philosophy of science}}
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}
*[http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/francis-bacon/ ''Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy'']
*{{gutenberg author|id=Francis_Bacon|name=Francis Bacon}}
*[http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/b/bacon/francis/ Online editions of Bacon's works]
* [http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/phl302/texts/bacon/bacon_essays.html Bacon's Essays, 1601 edition, modernized spelling]
* [http://www.constitution.org/bacon/nov_org.htm ''Novum Organum'' Online]
* [http://www.earlymoderntexts.com/f_bacon.html ''The New Organon'' (PDF versions)]
*[http://www.sirbacon.org/ Sir Francis Bacon's New Advancement of Learning]
*[http://www.hirohurl.net/engren.html Essays on the English Renaissance]
*[http://etext.lib.virginia.edu/cgi-local/DHI/dhi.cgi?id=dv1-25 ''Dictionary of the History of Ideas'': Baconianism]
*[http://www.infopt.demon.co.uk/baconfra.htm "Queen James and His Courtiers: Sir Francis Bacon"] by [[w:Rictor Norton|Rictor Norton]]
*[http://www.twickenham-museum.org.uk/detail.asp?ContentID=184 The Twickenham Museum - Sir Francis Bacon]
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[[Category:Philosophers from England]]
[[Category:Lawyers from England]]
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This page consists of things that many people think are correct quotations but are actually incorrect. This does not include quotations that were actually blunders by the people who said them (see, e.g., [[Wikipedia:Political gaffe]]).
:''See also: [[Quotations|Quotations on quotation]].''
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{{misattributed begin}}
== Misquoted or misattributed ==
*'''"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."'''
** Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, Thomas Jefferson, Ann Landers, et al. never said these words. The phrase is an alteration of one made by [[Jonathan Swift]]: '''Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it'''. (See [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/07/13/truth/].)
*'''"Hell is just a frame of mind"''': widely claimed on the internet to be a quotation from Christopher Marlowe's ''Doctor Faustus''. The demon Mephistopheles in ''Doctor Faustus'' does, however, imply a similar idea by saying that losing his place in heaven makes him experience hell, by comparison, wherever he is:
<poem>
:: "Why this is hell, nor am I out of it.
:: Think'st thou that I who saw the face of God,
:: And tasted the eternal joys of Heaven,
:: Am not tormented with ten thousand hells,
:: In being depriv'd of everlasting bliss?"
</poem>
*'''"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas."'''
** George Bernard Shaw never said these words, but [[w:Charles F. Brannan|Charles F. Brannan]] did.[http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/12/13/swap-ideas/]
*'''"The secret of all victory lies in the organization of the non-obvious"'''
** Widely attributed to [[Marcus Aurelius]], this quote appears in ''The Decline of the West'', by Oswald Spengler (1918 and 1923).
*'''"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."''', Dorothy Gale in ''The Wizard of Oz'' (played by Judy Garland)
**This phrase was never uttered by the character. What she really said was ''Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.''
*'''"In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, in all things, charity" ''' (In necessariis unitas, in non-necessariis [or, dubiis] libertas, in utrisque [or, omnibus] caritas).
** Widely attributed to Augustine, but the phrase was coined by Rupertus Meldenius, a Lutheran theologian and educator, in 1626. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rupertus_Meldenius]
*'''"A stupid person's idea of a clever person"''', [[Julie Burchill]] of [[Stephen Fry]].
**This phrase was coined by the Irish writer [[Elizabeth Bowen]] about [[Aldous Huxley]] in the 1930s. Burchill remarked that "My husband claims that it was I who coined the line about Stephen Fry that he is "a stupid person's idea of a clever person". And if I weren't a sober person's idea of a booze-addled person, I might be more useful in remembering whether this is true or not. Whatever, it's pretty damn good."
*'''"Not many people know that."''', [[Michael Caine]], British actor.
** A comment by actor/comedian [[Peter Sellers]] while impersonating Caine who has become associated with the quote, although he never said it.[http://www.metro.co.uk/film/858942-michael-caine-i-never-said-not-a-lot-of-people-know-that]
*'''"Nice guys finish last."''' Leo Durocher (1906–1991), US [[w:baseball|baseball]] manager.
**As reported in the biography, ''Nice Guys Finish Last'', (by Leo Durocher, with Ed Linn, Simon & Schuster, 1975), Durocher's remark was his reply to being asked his opinion of the 1946 New York Giants. He actually said, "Take a look at them. All nice guys. They'll finish last. Nice guys – finish last." Elision of the relative pronoun ("who") in the final sentence turned an evaluation into a declaration that nice people are doomed to failure.
*'''"The two most common elements in the Universe are Hydrogen and Stupidity."''' [[Harlan Ellison]] (born May 27, 1934), US [[author]].
**Although stated by Ellison in a nonfiction essay in the mid-1960s, this quote has been frequently misattributed to [[Frank Zappa]]. In Zappa's autobiography, ''[[w:The Real Frank Zappa Book|The Real Frank Zappa Book]]'' (1989), on page 239, Zappa makes a similar comment: "Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. '''I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.'''"
*'''"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"''' [[en:Voltaire|Voltaire]]
**Thought to be words of Voltaire; it was actually written by [[en:Evelyn Beatrice Hall|Evelyn Beatrice Hall]].
*'''"To learn who rules over you, simply find out whom you are not allowed to criticize."''' [[en:Voltaire|Voltaire]]
**A similar quote is noted in a 1993 polemic by [[w:Kevin Alfred Strom|Kevin Strom]], a neo-Nazi writer who used the phrase in reference to the [[w:Gay Mafia|Gay Mafia]]. Strom, in turn, attributed the phrase to a 1960s speech by academic-turned-white supremacist [[Revilo P. Oliver]].
*"'''If I can't dance I don't want to be in [''or'' a part of] your revolution.'''" (also: "'''If I can't dance to it, it's not my revolution'''")
**Widely attributed to [[Emma Goldman]], but according to Goldman scholar [[w:Alix Kates Shulman|Alix Kates Shulman]], it was instead the invention of [[anarchist]] printer Jack Frager for a small batch of Goldman T-shirts he printed in 1973. In her memoirs, Goldman remembers being censured for dancing and states:
*** "I insisted that our Cause could not expect me to become a nun and that the movement should not be turned into a cloister. If it meant that, I did not want it. 'I want freedom, the right to self-expression, everybody's right to beautiful, radiant things.'" – ''Living My Life'' (New York: Knopf, 1934), p. 56
**** In the motion picture ''[[V for Vendetta]]'', V (played by [[Hugo Weaving]]) says that "a revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having."
**See Shulman, Alix Kates ''[http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/Goldman/Features/dances_shulman.html Dances With Feminists],'' ''Women's Review of Books'', Vol. IX, no. 3, December 1991.
* "'''Just the facts, ma'am.'''"
** This, the best known quote from the Jack Webb series ''[[w:Dragnet|Dragnet]]'', was never said by Sgt. Friday in any of the ''Dragnet'' radio or television series. The quote was, however, adopted in the 1987 ''Dragnet'' pseudo-parody film starring Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks in which Aykroyd played Sgt. Joe Friday.
** Correct versions:<br>"All we want are the facts, ma'am."<br>"All we know are the facts, ma'am."
** See {{cite web
| last = Mikkelson
| first = Barbara and David P.
| date = [[29 March]] [[2002]]
| url = http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/dragnet.htm
| title = Just the Facts
| work = Urban Legends
| publisher = snopes.com
| accessdate = 2006-12-18
}}
* '''We trained hard... but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.'''
** Usually misattributed to [[Petronius|Petronius Arbiter]]
** Actually by [[Charlton Ogburn]] (1911–1998) from [http://www.harpers.org/archive/1957/01/0007289 "Merrill's Marauders: The truth about an incredible adventure"] in the January 1957 issue of ''[[w:Harper's Magazine|Harper's Magazine]]''
** Actual quote: "We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form up into teams we would be reorganized. Presumably the plans for our employment were being changed. I was to learn later in life that, perhaps because we are so good at organizing, we tend as a nation to meet any new situation by reorganizing; and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralization."
**see Brown, David S. "Petronius or Ogburn?", ''Public Administration Review'', Vol. 38, No. 3 (May – June, 1978), p. 296 [http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0033-3352(197805%2F06)38%3A3%3C296%3APOO%3E2.0.CO%3B2-Z]
* "'''Elementary, my dear Watson'''" – [[Sherlock Holmes]]
** This phrase was never uttered by the character in any of [[w:Arthur_Conan_Doyle|Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's]] written works. Though "Elementary," and "...my dear Watson." both appear near the beginning of ''[[s:The Crooked Man|The Crooked Man]]'' (1893), it is the ''"...my dear Watson"'' that appears first, and ''"Elementary"'' is the succinct reply to Watson's exclamation a few lines of dialogue later. This is the closest these four immortal words ever appear together in the Canon.
** The first documented occurrence of this quote appears in the [[P. G. Wodehouse]] novel, [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/2607 "Psmith, Journalist"], which was serialized in ''The Captain'' magazine (1909-10) then published in book form (1915) and contains the following dialogue:
::"That's right," said Billy Windsor. "Of course."
::"Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary," murmured Psmith.
* '''The end justifies the means.'''
** Often misattributed to [[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavelli]]'s ''[[The Prince]]'', in which the idea appears, but not the phrase itself, and to many other writers who repeat this aphorism at least as old as [[Ovid]], ''Heroides'' (c. 10 BC): ''Exitus acta probat.'' See also: [[Means and ends]].
* '''"There's a sucker born every minute."'''
** While this is often attributed to [[w:P. T. Barnum|P. T. Barnum]], it seems to have been said by one of his competitors, commenting on one of Barnum's exhibits.
** See: [[w:There's a sucker born every minute|There's a sucker born every minute]]
* '''On the whole, I would rather be in Philadelphia.'''
** Misattributed to [[W. C. Fields]]
** Actual quote: "Here Lies W. C. Fields: I would rather be living in Philadelphia." Presented as one of "A group of artists [writing] their own epitaphs" in a 1925 issue of ''Vanity Fair'', which may or may not have been written by the figures whose names appear with the epitaphs.
** In the movie ''[[My Little Chickadee]]'', Fields' character is about to be hanged. With the noose around his neck, he makes his last request to the lynching party. "I'd like to see Paris before I die." As the noose starts to tighten, he adds "Philadelphia will do!"
**see Amory, Cleveland, and Bradlee, Frederic, ''Vanity Fair: Selections from America's Most Memorable Magazine, a Cavalcade of the 1920s and 1930s'', Viking Press, 1960, page 103.
* '''"I invented the internet."'''
** Misattributed to [[w:Al Gore|Al Gore]].
** In fact, Al Gore did not claim to have "invented" the internet. This is a distortion of statements in which Gore claims credit for his role within Congress in funding the internet's development. While popularized by Gore's political opponents as a quote from Gore, the initial use of the word "invented" in this context was by ''Wired News'' author Declan McCullagh, who in turn was paraphrasing House Majority Leader Armey's criticism of Gore's claims. The correct Gore quote from CNN's ''Late Edition'': "'''During my service in the United States Congress, ''I took the initiative in creating the Internet''. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system.'''"
**{{cite web
| last = Finkelstein
| first = Seth
| date = [[28 April]] [[2006]]
| url = http://sethf.com/gore/
| title = Al Gore "invented the Internet" – resources
| publisher = sethf.com
| accessdate = 2011-6-16
}}
* '''"Theirs but to do or die!"'''
**This is a misstatement of a line from [[Tennyson]]'s "The Charge Of The Light Brigade", which actually says, "Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do ''and'' die".
**See [[w:The Charge of the Light Brigade (poem)]]
* '''"Far from the maddening crowd"'''
**This is a misstatement of a line from [[Thomas Gray]]'s poem "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard" (1751): "Far from the ''madding'' crowd's ignoble strife, Their sober wishes never learn'd to stray." The line was later used by Thomas Hardy as the title of his novel "Far From The Madding Crowd".
**See http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/134150.html
* '''"{{w|With great power comes great responsibility}}."'''
**This is often erroneously assumed to be the quote of Ben Parker dating back to the original [[Spider-Man]] origin story as depicted in 1962's ''[[Amazing Fantasy]]'' #15. This statement appears as a caption of narration in the last panel of the story and was not a spoken line by any character in the story. In most retellings of Spider-Man's origin, including the [[Spider-Man (film)|2002 film]], the quote has been [[retcon]]ned (the alteration of previously established facts in the continuity of a fictional work) to depict Uncle Ben's final lecture to Peter Parker before Ben's tragic death and as the words that continue to drive Peter as Spider-Man.
**Also, the correct ''Amazing Fantasy'' quote is, "'''With great power there must also come great responsibility.'''"
* '''"It's life, Jim, but not as we know it."'''
** Attributed to [[Leonard McCoy]] from the run of ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series]]'', but the phrase was never uttered. The similar phrase "not life as we know it" is spoken by Spock in the season one episode "The Devil in the Dark". The spurious phrase originated in the 1987 novelty song "[[w:Star Trekkin'|Star Trekkin']]", in which the quote is attributed to Spock. McCoy's line in the song was, "It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim!"
** See: ''The Oxford Dictionary of Modern Quotations'', 2007 edition (Oxford University Press), entry by Elizabeth Knowles; {{ISBN|978-0-19-920895-1}}
* "'''We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us.'''"
** Alternative: "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
** Alternative: "We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm."
** Commonly misattributed to [[George Orwell]] without citation. Sometimes also misattributed to [[Winston Churchill]] without citation.
** Actual source: [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/11/07/rough-men/ Quote Investigator] found the earliest known appearance in a 1993 ''Washington Times'' essay by Richard Grenier: "As George Orwell pointed out, people sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." The absence of quotation marks indicates that Grenier was using his own words to convey his interpretation of Orwell's opinion, as seen in citations below.
** In his 1945 "Notes on Nationalism", Orwell wrote that pacifists cannot accept the statement "Those who 'abjure' violence can do so only because others are committing violence on their behalf.", despite it being "grossly obvious."[http://orwell.ru/library/essays/nationalism/english/e_nat "Notes on Nationalism"]
** In an essay on [[Rudyard Kipling]], Orwell cited Kipling's phrase "making mock of uniforms that guard you while you sleep" (Kipling, ''Tommy''), and further noted that Kipling's "grasp of function, of who protects whom, is very sound. He sees clearly that men can be highly civilized only while other men, inevitably less civilized, are there to guard and feed them." (1942)
** Similar phrase: "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it." – [[Aaron Sorkin]] (''[[A Few Good Men]]'')
*'''"Well-behaved women rarely make history."'''
** Often attributed to actress [[Marilyn Monroe]], the quote was actually written by [[w:Laurel Thatcher Ulrich|Laurel Thatcher Ulrich]], historian and professor at Harvard University. Thatcher Ulrich's original statement, "Well-behaved women seldom make history", appeared in an academic article published in 1976. The use of the phrase in her original article, which concerned well-behaved women commemorated in Puritan funeral sermons, was commenting on how the domestic, 'ordinary' lives of historical women has not been widely known or studied deeply by historians.
** See: https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2007/09/ulrich-explains-that-well-behaved-women-should-make-history/
* '''"Well, that escalated quickly."'''
** Was said by Ron Burgundy following a fight with local anchormen. The correct quote is "Boy, that escalated quickly".
**See: [[Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy]]
* '''"Please, Sir, can I have some more?"'''
** Commonly thought to be said by ''[[Oliver Twist]]'' in the parish workhouse. The correct quote is "Please, Sir, I want some more".
* "'''The harder he works, the luckier he gets.'''"
** Variations are frequently attributed to [[Donald Trump]] or his wife in interview, but the phrase originated with [[Samuel Goldwyn]] as "The harder ''I'' work, the luckier I get.", but he was believed to be paraphrasing the quote below.
* "'''I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.'''"
** There is no record that this was said or written by [[Thomas Jefferson]]. [http://www.monticello.org/site/research-and-collections/i-am-great-believer-luckquotation]. Its first print appearance is by F. L. Emerson in 1947.
* "'''Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 99, wear sunscreen.'''"
** The [[w:Wear Sunscreen|Wear Sunscreen]] speech is regularly attributed to [[Kurt Vonnegut]] or [[w:Baz Luhrmann|Baz Luhrmann]], but it was originally written in 1997 as a newspaper column by [[Mary Schmich]] as a semi-parodic "Guide to Life for Students".
* "'''If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain.'''"
** Often attributed to the Islamic prophet [[Muhammad]] but there is no evidence that he actually said this. This phrase actually originates in a retelling of the story of Muhammad by [[Francis Bacon]] in 1625: "''Mahomet cald the Hill to come to him. And when the Hill stood still, he was neuer a whit abashed, but said; If the Hill will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet wil go to the Hill."''
** The original phrase used the term "hill", but John Owen's 1643 translation used the term "mountain". This phrase is often misquoted due to widespread misunderstanding of the phrase's meaning. It does not refer to "going after opportunity instead of waiting for it to come to you". Its meaning translates, "If one's will does not prevail, one must submit to an alternative."
* "'''A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you're talking real money.'''"
** Attributed to [[Everett Dirksen]]. Dirksen occasionally used the phrase "a billion here, a billion there" in his speeches, but the latter appendage was apparently the work of a newspaper reporter. Dirksen noted that although he never said the whole comment, he liked the misquotation and never seriously objected to its misattribution.
* "'''I will return and I will be millions.'''"
** This is often attributed to Eva Perón, and indeed is on her tombstone, but [https://books.google.com/books?id=ck6bXqt5shkC&pg=PA251 there is no record she said it]. The belief that she actually did is probably because she does in a José María Castiñeira de Dios poem written in her voice nearly ten years after her 1952 death. Túpac Katari, a leader of the Bolivian indigenous people's rebellion against Spanish rule, did in fact say something similar ("[https://books.google.com/books?id=aekDJE3NMcsC&pg=PA62 I shall die but return tomorrow multiplied ten thousandfold]") before his 1781 execution; more recently, a slave in Howard Fast's contemporary novel ''Spartacus'' says the line as he is being crucified and the line is repeated in the 1960 [[Stanley Kubrick]] film version.
* "'''I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!'''"
** Attributed to [[Groucho Marx]]. According to urban legend, while interviewing Marion and Charlotte Story for a 1950 episode of ''[[w:You Bet Your Life|You Bet Your Life]]'', Marx uttered the phrase in response to Charlotte, who had mothered 20 children with her husband, saying how much she loved her husband. According to surviving recordings of the episode in question, Marx actually said "With each new kid, do you go around passing out cigars?" Although episodes of ''You Bet Your Life'' were known to be edited for content, Marx himself denied ever saying the more risqué phrase.
**In another known episode with a child who was among 17 siblings, Groucho asked the girl what her father thought of having such a large family; when she responded that her father loves children, he replied "Well, I like pancakes, but I haven't got a closet full of them!" A conflation of this exchange with that of the Story family may have been the source of the more ribald misquotation.
* "'''[[w:Winning isn't everything; it's the only thing|Winning isn't everything; it's the only thing.]]'''"
** [[Vince Lombardi]] always insisted he had never said this, although it is close to a line he did frequently repeat: "Winning isn't a sometime thing; it's an all the time thing." The actual line was spoken by former UCLA football coach Henry Russell "Red" Sanders.
* "'''I cannot allow your ignorance, however great, to take precedence over my knowledge, however small.'''"
** Versions of this are attributed to [[William James]]. A version of this was apparently spoken by [[Leonard Bacon]], although the earliest known source is from 1898, seven years after Bacon's death, and there is significant variation between the wording of these and other early sources. Bacon's great-grandson confirms a version of this quotation in his own autobiography. The misattribution to James might originate, ironically, from the 1994 book Telling the Truth about History by Joyce Appleby, Lynn Hunt, & Margaret Jacob, p. 258.
* "'''Good things come to those who wait.'''"
** English poet [[Violet Fane]] originally stated "''All'' things come to he who waits (...) they come, but often come too late." The adage may have existed before Fane wrote it.
** It has been notably corrupted twice: first by Guinness beer in its best-known form, and by Heinz, a condiment company, as "The best things come to those who wait."
* "'''I can't believe [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]] won. I don't know anyone who voted for him.'''"
** Allegedly from film critic [[Pauline Kael]]. Kael did state in a December 1972 speech: "I live in a rather special world. I only know one person who voted for Nixon. Where they are I don't know. They're outside my ken."
*"'''We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like.'''"
**Often presented as a line from the movie ''[[w:Fight Club|Fight Club]]''. Although consistent with the film's anti-consumerist philosophy, neither the quote nor any variation of it is ever uttered in the movie or the original novel.{{Dubious|date=May 2024|reason=Variations have been pointed out in both book and movie on Quote Investigator<!-- https://quoteinvestigator.com/2016/04/21/impress/ --><!-- see also [[Advertising#P]] -->}} The original quote, "'''Spending money you don't have for things you don't need to impress people you don't like'''", is attributed to [[Walter Slezak]] was in the 4th June 1928 Detroit Free Press (thirty years before Slezak), where the American humorist and journalist Robert Quillen, though elements of the quote appeared earlier. In that column, he defined “Americanism” as “using money you haven’t earned to buy things you don’t need to impress people you don’t like.”
**The novel does contain the line "A lot of young people try to impress the world and buy too many things", and at one point in the film the character played by Brad Pitt says "Working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need."
**In the Internet age the quote has been adapted as "We post content that isn't ours for likes that aren't real to impress people we don't know."
* "'''The British are coming'''"
** [[w:Paul Revere|Paul Revere]] did not shout this phrase which is attributed to him: his mission depended on secrecy, the countryside was filled with British army patrols, and most of the Massachusetts colonists (who were predominantly English in ethnic origin) still considered themselves British. Revere's warning, according to eyewitness accounts of the ride and Revere's own descriptions, was "The Regulars are coming out."<ref>{{cite book
|ref= harv
|last1= Revere
|first1= Paul
|others= Introduction by Edmund Morgan
|year= 1961
|title= Paul Revere's Three Accounts of His Famous Ride
|location= Boston
|publisher= Massachusetts Historical Society
|isbn=978-0-9619999-0-2
}}</ref>
* '''The Shaggs are better than the Beatles.'''
** Popularly misattributed to musician and outsider music auteur [[Frank Zappa]]. The description of [[w:The Shaggs|The Shaggs]], a notoriously inept garage rock girl group from the 1960s, as being "better than the Beatles" was actually the work of [[Lester Bangs]]. Zappa did hold the group in high regard, despite not using the phrase.<ref name=newyorker2017>{{cite web|url=https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-shaggs-reunion-concert-was-unsettling-beautiful-eerie-and-will-probably-never-happen-again|title=The Shaggs Reunion Concert Was Unsettling, Beautiful, Eerie, and Will Probably Never Happen Again|first=Howard|last=Fishman|date=August 30, 2017|access-date=January 8, 2020}}</ref>
* '''A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.''' ([[Samuel Goldwyn]])
** One of many quirky Goldwynisms, this is a corruption of Goldwyn's actual quote praising a friend's trustworthy nature: "His verbal contract is worth more than the paper it's written on."<ref>Paul F. Boller, John George, ''They Never Said It'' (1990), pg. 42.</ref><ref>Carol Easton, ''The Search for Sam Goldwyn'' (1976).</ref>
* '''Don't worry, be happy.'''
** Though [[Bob Marley]] had included similar sentiments in his own songs, particularly in "Three Little Birds," he never recorded the song by this name. The phrase itself was coined by [[Meher Baba]]; the song by that name was written and recorded by [[w:Bobby McFerrin|Bobby McFerrin]] six years after Marley's death.
* '''Ladies and gentlemen, the Bronx is burning.'''
** Neither [[Howard Cosell]] nor [[w:Keith Jackson|Keith Jackson]] uttered this quote during their telecast of the [[w:1977 World Series|1977 World Series]]. The phrase "the Bronx is burning" originated five years earlier in an episode of ''[[w:Man Alive (British TV series)|Man Alive]]'' describing fiscal shortfalls at fire stations in the Bronx, then later misattributed to Cosell and Jackson after the World Series telecast, which featured footage of a school building burning in-between game action.<ref>{{cite web|last1=Flood|first1=Joe|title=Why the Bronx burned|url=https://nypost.com/2010/05/16/why-the-bronx-burned/|website=New York Post|publisher=NYP Holdings, INC.|date=16 May 2010|access-date=4 June 2016}}</ref>
* '''Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.'''
**Neither [[Elvis Costello]] nor [[Laurie Anderson]] originated this quote.<ref>{{cite magazine|date=March 2008|magazine=Q|title=50 Years of Great British Music, Elvis Costello Interview|page=67|quote=Oh, God! Can I ''please'' put in print that I didn't say that! [...] It still follows me around, that one. It's probably in some book of quotations credited to me.}}</ref><ref>{{cite news |title=Getting in tune with life's bigger questions |url=https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/art-and-design/getting-in-tune-with-lifes-bigger-questions-20040820-gdjl2e.html |work=[[The Sydney Morning Herald]] |date=August 20, 2004 |quote=Elvis Costello famously quipped that writing about music is like dancing about architecture.}}</ref><ref name="Keyes">{{cite book |last1=Keyes |first1=Ralph |title=The Quote Verifier: Who Said What, Where, and When |date=2007 |publisher=St. Martin's |isbn=9781429906173 |page=256 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=d6JZryGvfxYC&pg=PA256}}</ref> Variations of the quote have appeared in print since as early as 1918 and attributed to several different people.<ref>{{cite web |last1=Dubner |first1=Steven J. |title=Quotes Uncovered: Dancing About Architecture |url=https://freakonomics.com/2010/12/quotes-uncovered-dancing-about-architecture/ |website=[[Freakonomics Radio|Freakonomics]] |date=December 30, 2010}}</ref>
* '''Phenomenon (do, doo, do-do-doo)'''
**Although the song referred to by this name appeared several times on the Muppet Show, it is originally by Piero Umiliani and was used as part of the soundtrack for an softcore porn film.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.cbc.ca/radio/q/blog/mahna-mahna-at-50-fascinating-facts-about-the-unforgettable-muppets-song-1.5375722}}</ref> The original song title and lyrics both read "Mahna Mahna", which is meaningless; "phenomenon" was added on a much later Muppet Show version of the song as a pun on the original.
* '''[[Ringo Starr|Ringo]] isn't the best drummer in the world; he isn't even the best drummer in the Beatles.'''
**Misattributed to [[John Lennon]]. Also miscredited to [[Jasper Carrott]] who supposedly said it on his BBC show ''Carrott's Lib'' in 1983.
**This joke actually originates from the 1981 BBC Radio 4 comedy ''Radio Active'', written by Geoffrey Perkins and delivered by Philip Pope.<ref>{{Cite web|url=https://www.radiox.co.uk/artists/beatles/did-john-lennon-say-ringo-wasnt-even-best-drummer/|title=Did John Lennon really say Ringo “Wasn’t Even The Best Drummer In The Beatles”?|website=Radio X|date=July 7, 2024|access-date=September 9, 2025}}</ref>
== Unsourced, unverified, or other best guesses==
:''These may not necessarily be misquotations but [[wiktionary:catchphrase|catchphrases]] from popular culture, whose formation required slight alterations to put them into context and make them [[wiktionary:memorable|memorable]].''
*'''"A house that has a library in it has a soul."'''
**Attributed to Plato by [[Robert G. Ingersoll]] in "The Liberty Of All" (1877), but it does not appear in Plato's writings.
*'''"Hell is the truth seen too late."'''
**Attributed to Thomas Hobbes in Leviathan, but it is not there.
*'''"No rest for the wicked."'''
**Probably a corruption of Isaiah 57:21: "There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked."
*'''"[[w:Lies, damned lies and statistics|Lies, damned lies and statistics]]"'''
**Popularized by Mark Twain in 1906, he mistakenly attributed the phrase to Benjamin Disraeli. A variant of the phrase, which divided witnesses into "liars, damned liars and experts," is first noted in late 1885, with the phrase in its best-known form, used instead to describe categories of falsehoods, in common parlance by 1891. There survives no clear evidence as to who coined the phrase in either form.
*'''"[[w:For sale: baby shoes, never worn|For sale: baby shoes, never worn]]."'''
**This six-word piece of flash fiction was only attributed to [[Ernest Hemingway]] decades after he died. The earliest reference to a similar phrase, in a nonfiction work (a newspaper reporting the death of a young child in 1910), notes: "Baby's handmade trousers and baby's bed for sale. Never been used."
*'''"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve."'''
**A quote allegedly made by Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto regarding the 1941 [[attack on Pearl Harbor|attack on Pearl Harbor]], first used in the 1970 film ''[[Tora! Tora! Tora!|Tora! Tora! Tora!]]'' and again in the 2001 film ''[[Pearl Harbor (film)|Pearl Harbor]]''. While this quote may have encapsulated his sentiments regarding the attack, there is no printed evidence to prove Yamamoto made this statement or wrote it down.
*'''"Mate, how does it feel to have dropped the World Cup?"'''
**Allegedly by [[w:Steve Waugh|Steve Waugh]] to [[w:Herschelle Gibbs|Herschelle Gibbs]] when Gibbs dropped a now infamous catch that eventually assisted in South Africa being knocked out of the 1999 Cricket World Cup. Although some Australian cricketers claim they heard this exchange, Waugh himself denies it was said.
*'''"Because it's there"'''
**[[George Mallory]] on why he wanted to climb Mount Everest. Questions have been raised about the authenticity of this quote. It may have been invented by a newspaper reporter.
*"'''It's a funny old game'''"
**[[w:Jimmy Greaves|Jimmy Greaves]]' autobiography ''Greavsie'' insists that, despite this quote regularly being attributed to him, he has never used it. The misquotation may arise from a trailer for the Central Television programme ''[[w:Spitting Image|Spitting Image]]'' during the mid-1980s.
* "'''Power corrupts; absolute power corrupts absolutely."'''
** This misquote hearkens back to the British [[Lord Acton]], a 19th century English historian who was commenting about tyrannical monarchs (Caesar, Henry VIII, Napoleon, various Russian tsars, etc.). Lord Acton actually wrote: "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men."
* "'''Beam me up, Scotty'''" – [[w:James T. Kirk|James T. Kirk]]
** From the ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series#Common misquotations|Star Trek]]'' [[w:Science fiction on television|science fiction television]] series. Several variants of this occur in the series, such as "Energize", "Beam me aboard," "Beam us up home," or "Two to beam up," but "Beam me up, Scotty" was never said during the run of the original ''Star Trek'' series. However, the quote "Beam us up, Scotty" was uttered in ''[[Star Trek: The Animated Series#Captain James T. Kirk|Star Trek: The Animated Series]]''. The movie ''[[Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home#Dialogue|Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home]]'' included the closest other variation: "Scotty, beam me up." [[w:James Doohan|James Doohan]], the actor who played Scotty, chose this phrase as the title of his 1996 autobiography.
*"'''Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a...'''" – [[w:Leonard McCoy|Leonard McCoy]]
** From the ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series#Common misquotations|Star Trek]]'' [[w:Science fiction on television|science fiction television]] series. McCoy had several lines of this sort, except that he never said "damn it". Only one "swear word" was used on the original ''Star Trek'' series (before the movies): "hell". It was most famously spoken at the end of the episode entitled "City on the Edge of Forever": "Let's get the hell out of here" – J. T. Kirk. The phrase, complete with "damn it" probably originated from Dan Aykroyd's Dr. McCoy impersonation during a skit on ''Saturday Night Live'' season 1 episode 22; although McCoy did eventually end up saying, "Damn it, Jim" in ''Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan'', followed directly by, "what the hell's the matter with you?"
** Used in ''Star Trek'' (2009).
* "'''All that glistens is not gold'''" / "'''All that glitters is not gold'''" – [[William Shakespeare]]
** Correct quote: "All that glisters is not gold". Often (usually) misquoted. Spoken by the Prince of Morocco in ''The Merchant of Venice''
** In the opening verse to Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" quotes "There's a lady who's sure, all that glitters is gold."
** The line "All that is gold does not glitter" is the opening of a poem in "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring", referring to the character Aragorn, who "looks foul and feels fair".
** In the chorus of the Smash Mouth song "All Star" can be found the phrase "All that glitters is gold".
* "'''Blood, Sweat, and Tears'''" – [[Winston Churchill]]
** Correct quote: "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat."
** The quote appeared in the book ''Metropolis'', written by Thea von Harbou (wife of ''[[wikipedia:Metropolis_%281927_film%29|Metropolis]]'' director [[wikipedia:Fritz Lang|Fritz Lang]]), first published in [[wikipedia:1926|1926]]. The text, describing Freder Fredersen as he has just finished his first day working to keep the machines of Metropolis alive, states, "He tasted a salty taste on his lips, and did not know if it was from blood, sweat, or tears."
**Notes: A similar quote from Winston Churchill can be found in a recorded speech he gave to the House of Commons where he says " I have never promised anything but blood, sweat and tears, now however we have a new experience. We have victory. a..a remarkable victory. A bright gleam has caught the helmets of our soldiers and warmed and cheered all our hearts."
** The song from the movie ''The Longest Day'' says: " [...] Filled with hopes and filled with fears. Filled with blood and sweat and tears [...]"
** ''Blood, Sweat and Tears'' is the name of the 1963 album from Johnny Cash, which inspired the name for the music group formed in 1967, and may be the source of confusion.
** “Blood, Sweat and Tears” is a song from South Korean boy group BTS, released in 2016.
*"'''God helps those who help themselves.'''"
** The saying is not Biblical, but it is an ancient proverb that shows up in the literature of many cultures, including a 1736 edition of [[Benjamin Franklin]]'s ''Poor Richard's Almanac''. "There is a Rabbinic saying: "One who comes to be purified is helped." which is quite similar. The original Rabbinic saying is "he who comes to impurify himself - they open a way for him {he is able to do so}; one who comes to be purified - they help him" (found in BT Menachot 29b, Yoma 38b, and Avoda Zara 55a)
**This is more or less identical to the message in one of the Aesop's fables, about a man praying to Hercules--the fable "Heracles and the Driver" The moral to this fable is "The gods help those who help themselves" This is a likely origin as the fable is well known and the moral is the closest to the actual phrase.
**The saying is also found in [[Xenophon]]'s masterpiece about Cyrus, ''Cyropaedia''.
**Pretty much the motto on the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coat_of_arms_of_Huddersfield coat of arms of Huddersfield], England 'Juvat impigros deus'. Strictly speaking, God helps the industrious, but locally translated as "God helps those who help themselves".
**This is similar to the Quranic quote "...Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves..." in Surat Al-Ra'd verse 11.
*"'''Lead on, Macduff'''"
** Correct quote: "Lay on, Macduff, and damned be him who first cries 'Hold! enough!'" – [[William Shakespeare]] (''[[Macbeth]]'')
** Use of "Lead on, Macduff" is documented as early as 1855. [http://www.historyhouse.co.uk/articles/macbeth.html]
* "'''Bubble bubble, toil and trouble'''."
** Correct quote: "Double, double toil and trouble." – [[William Shakespeare]] (''[[Macbeth]]'')
**"Bubble bubble" was popularized in the hit Disney cartoon ''[[DuckTales]]'' – "Much Ado About Scrooge." The witches on the island chanted "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble. Leave this island on the double." Here, the words from the ''Macbeth'' rhyming scheme are reversed.
* "'''Methinks the lady doth protest too much'''"
** Correct quote: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." – [[William Shakespeare]] (''[[Hamlet]]'')
**This quote comes from ''Hamlet'', Act 3, scene 2, line 254 (line accuracy may differ in varying versions of the play). During the time of Shakespeare, the word "protest" meant "vow" or "declare solemnly" rather than "deny". In this manner, Gertrude is making a comment about the Player Queen's overzealous attachment to the Player King rather than a denial of guilt. The quote is Gertrude's response to Hamlet's asking her if she is enjoying the play.
* "'''Money is the root of all evil'''."
** In context: "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." ([[s:Bible_(King_James)/1_Timothy#6:10|1 Timothy 6:10]]) [[s:Bible (King James)|KJV]] (''The King James Bible'')
** Many translations render what the KJV renders as "the root" (originally ῥίζα) as "a root" or "at the root" and "all evil" (πᾶς κακός) as "all sorts of evil" or "all kinds of evil". (See also translations in [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20timothy%206:10&version=31 New International Version], [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20timothy%206:10&version=49 ''New American Standard Bible''], [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20timothy%206:10&version=51 ''New Living Translation''].) All translations agree that it is the love of money, rather than money itself, that is associated with evil.
* "'''Now is the winter of our discontent'''."
** In context: "Now is the winter of our discontent / Made glorious summer by this son of York." – [[William Shakespeare]] (''[[William Shakespeare#Richard III|Richard III]]'')
** Notes: This is not a misquotation but a selective quotation, because the grammar of the quotation is different from the grammar of the original, and hence the meaning may be lost on some. As misquoted, ''is'' is the main verb, and the phrase means, "The winter of our discontent is happening now." In the full quote, ''is'' is an auxiliary verb and might be rephrased according to modern usage, to clarify the meaning: "Now the winter of our discontent is made into a glorious summer by this sun of York." (This ''sun'' of York and not ''son'', a punning reference to the coat of arms of Edward IV.)
* "'''Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well'''."
** Correct quote: "Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio – a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy." – [[William Shakespeare]] (''[[Hamlet]]'', Act V, Scene I)
* "'''Play it again, Sam'''"
** Actual quote: "Play it once, Sam, for old times' sake, play 'As Time Goes By'." – [[Ingrid Bergman]] (''Casablanca'')
** Actual quote: "You played it for her, you can play it for me. ... If ''she'' can stand to listen to it, ''I'' can. Play it." – [[Humphrey Bogart]] (''Casablanca'')
** The line first occurred in the Marx Brothers' film ''A Night in Casablanca'' (1946), a possible source of the misquotation.
* "'''I'm ready for my close-up, Mr DeMille'''"
**Actual quote: "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up" [[Gloria Swanson]] (''Sunset Boulevard'')
* "'''Greed is good'''"
** Actual quote: "The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works." – [[w:Gordon_Gekko|Gordon Gekko]] (''Wall Street'')
* "'''Someone set us up the bomb'''"
** Correct quote: "Somebody set ''up us'' the bomb"
** The spoken words are "Someone set us up the bomb" in the [http://allyourbase.planettribes.gamespy.com/video1.shtml flash animation], which made the phenomenon popular.
** "somebody set up us the bomb" is a cheat code in ''Empire Earth'' to win the game automatically.
** Notes: From a Japanese video game, ''[[Zero Wing]]'', with a very unskilled and amusing English translation. The original Japanese - ''nanimonoka niyotte bakuhatsubutsu ga shikakerareta youdesu'' - is natural and unbroken, although it conveys much greater uncertainty about what has happened. Similar to "[[wikipedia:All your base are belong to us|all your base are belong to us]]", which occurs in the same game.
* "'''The rest is science'''"
** Correct quote: "The rest is silence" – [[William Shakespeare]] (''[[Hamlet]]'')
** Notes: This phrase may also be used as a play on words, or even plain prose, as when Steve Swallow, the jazz musician, said about jazz composition, "Eventually, an idea always comes, and then the rest is science".
* "'''To gild the lily'''"
** Correct quote: "To gild refined gold, to paint the lily" – [[William Shakespeare]] (''[[King John#Act IV|The Life and Death of King John]]'', Act IV, Scene II, line 13) (Shakespeare was himself playing with the Biblical story that says that one does not need to add to what God has already done for the lily (Matt 6:28) "See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.")
* "'''Why don't you come up and see me sometime?'''"
** Correct quote: "Why don't you come up sometime and see me? I'm home every evening." – [[Mae West]] (''[[She Done Him Wrong]]'')
** She switched the word order in her next film, ''[[I'm No Angel]]'', where she says, "Come up and see me sometime," without the "Why don't you".
** A mechanical mouse in a [[Tom and Jerry]] cartoon repeated, "Come up and see me sometime."
*"'''I am not a crook'''" – [[Richard Nixon]]
** Often attributed to his denial of any foreknowledge of the [[w:Watergate_scandal|Watergate]] break-in, when, in fact, the question raised in a Press Conference was about his personal finances. Nixon's response, properly worded, was: "And I think, too, that I can say that in my years of public life, that I welcome this kind of examination because people have gotta know whether or not their President's a crook. Well, I'm ''not'' a crook. I've earned everything I've got."
* "'''You dirty rat!'''"
** Never said by [[James Cagney]] in any film. However, in ''Blonde Crazy'' (1931) he says that another character is a "dirty, double-crossing rat!"
** In [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/''Taxi! Taxi!''](1932) James Cagney is ready to kill a man who killed his brother, (hence the full misquote in ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'', "You dirty rat, you killed my brother") and says, "Come out and take it, ''you dirty yellow-bellied rat'', or I'll give it to you through the door!" This would be the closest true quotation in context and wording.
** Also quoted in the 1934 [[Cole Porter]] musical ''[[Anything Goes]]''
** Also quoted in the 1990 movie ''[[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]]'' by the character [[Michelangelo]] in an attempt to impersonate [[James Cagney]]
* "'''The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy and the lash'''."
** [[Winston Churchill]]'s personal secretary, Anthony Montague-Browne, said that although Churchill did not say this, he wished he had.
* "'''A language is a dialect with a navy'''."
** Original (in [[Yiddish]]): "אַ שפּראַך איז אַ דיאַלעקט מיט אַן אַרמיי און פֿלאָט„ (''A shprakh iz a dialekt mit an armey un flot'') – "[[w:A language is a dialect with an army and navy|A language is a dialect with an army and navy]]".
** This was not said by [[Otto von Bismarck]] but rather by the linguist [[w:Max Weinreich|Max Weinreich]].
* "'''The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crisis maintain their neutrality'''", ''or a variation on that''.
** This was stated by John F. Kennedy and attributed by him to [[w:Dante|Dante]] [http://www.bartleby.com/73/1211.html]. However, in the ''[[w:Divine Comedy|Divine Comedy]]'' those who "non furon ribelli né fur fedeli" — neither rebelled against nor were faithful to God — are located directly inside the gate of Hell, a region neither hot nor cold (''Inferno'', canto 3); the ''lowest'' part of Hell, a frigid lake of ice, was for traitors.
*"'''A damn close run thing'''" – [[Arthur Wellesley]], the 1st Duke of Wellington, referring to his victory over [[Napoleon I of France|Napoleon]] at Waterloo.
**He actually said, "It has been a damn nice thing-the nearest run thing you ever [[see|saw]]..." with ''nice'' in the archaic meaning of "careful or precise" and not the modern "attractive or agreeable" or the even more archaic meaning of "foolish".
*"'''Do you feel lucky, punk?'''" – [[Clint Eastwood]] as Harry Callahan in ''[[Dirty Harry]]''
**Correct quote plus context: "Ah-ah. I know what you're thinking: 'Did he fire six shots, or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But, being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, PUNK?"
**Jim Carrey's character in ''The Mask'' came closer to the correct quote: "Now you have to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well... do ya... PUNKS?"
<div id="revolver">
*"'''Whenever I hear the word 'culture' I reach for my revolver.'''"
**The actual quote is "Wenn ich Kultur höre ... entsichere ich meinen Browning!" This translates as: "Whenever I hear [the word] 'culture'... I remove the safety from my Browning!"
**This quote is often mistakenly attributed to leading Nazi [[Hermann Göring]], or occasionally to [[w:Julius Streicher|Julius Streicher]], a lower-ranking Nazi. This misattribution may date from the famous [[w:Frank Capra|Frank Capra]] documentaries (Why We Fight) shown to American troops before shipping out.
**In fact, it is a line uttered by the character Thiemann in Act 1, Scene 1 of the play ''Schlageter,'' written by [[w:Hanns Johst|Hanns Johst]]. The association with Nazism '''''is''''' appropriate, as the play was first performed in April 1933, in honor of [[Hitler]]'s birthday.
**Baldur von Schirach, head of the Hitlerjugend, delivered this sentence in a public speech, circa 1938. A footage of the scene, with von Schirach actually drawing his gun, appears in Frederic Rossif's documentary ''from Nürnberg to Nürnberg''.
**Notes: It is possible that this is actually a rather more felicitous phrase in translation than it is in the original. Both the original German and this English translation were juxtaposed by Howard Thomas in his review of an article by Nicholas H. Battey in the ''Journal of Experimental Biology'', December 2002, as "the famous words of Hanns Johst: 'Wenn ich Kultur höre ... entsichere ich meinen Browning' – 'Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my revolver.'"
**The phrase itself may be a play on words as the word Browning may refer to both a pistol and the English poet [[w:Robert Browning|Robert Browning]].
**Additionally it should be noted that a Browning (most likely the M1935 High-Power) is not a revolver, but a magazine-fed semi-automatic pistol. However, at the time, the word "Browning" was used to refer to any pistol, much as "Colt" is used for any revolver in westerns.
</div>
*"'''Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'''"
**The correct quotation is "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." by [[William Congreve]] in ''The Mourning Bride'' of 1697.
*"'''Don't fire till you see the whites of their eyes.'''"
**This quotation is usually attributed to Andrew Jackson at the [[w:Battle of New Orleans|Battle of New Orleans]].
**In fact, it originates with Colonel [[William Prescott]] commander of George Washington's Continental Army, at the [[w:Battle of Bunker Hill|Battle of Bunker Hill]]. The full quotation is, "Don't fire till you see the whites of their eyes. Then, '''''fire low!"'''''
**Source: ''George Washington's War'' by [[w:Robert Leckie (author)|Robert Leckie]]
* "'''Houston, we have a problem'''"
**<p>This phrase, supposedly uttered by [[Apollo 13]] commander, [[w:Jim Lovell|Jim Lovell]] was, in its original rendering: "Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt." However, the first notification to Houston that there was a problem was by fellow astronaut [[w:Jack Swigert|Jack Swigert]], who used almost identical words. The official NASA chronology [http://www.hq.nasa.gov/office/pao/History/Timeline/apollo13chron.html] lists the messages as:</p><p>55:55:20 – Swigert: "Okay, Houston, we've had a problem here." </p><p>55:55:28 – Lousma: "This is Houston. Say again please." </p><p>55:55:35 – Lovell: "Houston, we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt."</p>
**However, in the movie '''Apollo 13''', Tom Hanks says '''Houston, we have a problem,'''. [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0112384/quotes?qt0476805]
* "'''Kismet Hardy / Kiss me, Hardy'''" – British Vice Admiral [[Horatio Nelson]]
**Nelson is rumoured to have said "Kismet Hardy" or "Kiss me, Hardy" whilst he was dying. Kismet means Fate. However, the OED gives the earliest use in the English language of "kismet" as 1849. On his deathbed, Nelson said ''Kiss me, Hardy'' to his Flag Captain, Thomas Masterman Hardy, but they were not his final words, and Hardy was not present at Nelson's death. Nelson's actual final words (related by HMS ''Victory'''s Surgeon William Beatty, who <i>was</i> with him when he died) were "Thank God, I have done my duty. Drink, drink. Fan, fan. Rub, rub".
* "'''The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing'''" – [[Edmund Burke]]
**Probably a succinct paraphrase of a remark known to have been made by the Utilitarian philosopher [[John Stuart Mill]], in an [http://books.google.com/books?id=DFNAAAAAcAAJ&pg=PA36&dq=%22Bad+men+need+nothing+more+to+compass+their+ends,+than+that+good+men+should+look+on+and+do+nothing%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=RUh5U6qWBLSysQT0vYGAAw&ved=0CEEQ6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=%22Bad%20men%20need%20nothing%20more%20to%20compass%20their%20ends%2C%20than%20that%20good%20men%20should%20look%20on%20and%20do%20nothing%22&f=false address at the University of St. Andrew (1 February 1867)] : '''Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.'''
**Similar in meaning to the following quote in Burke's "Thoughts on the Cause of Present Discontents": "When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle."
** Also attributed to [[Alexis de Tocqueville]].
* "'''We don't need no steenking badges!'''" – Bandit in ''[[The Treasure of the Sierra Madre]]''
**The original quote is "Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!"
<!-- made minor grammar change to the previous line by changing 'correct' to 'original' -->
**This quote is actually from the film ''Blazing Saddles'', in an obvious spoof of the original source.
***When the newly recruited Mexican Bandits are presented badges for their participation in the upcoming raid on the town of Rock Ridge, the leader responds with: "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges."
<!-- I confirmed this quote on the IMDb (Internet Movie Database), and it is listed under their "Memorable Quotes from Blazing Saddles" page, which is at the following address: -->
<!-- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071230/quotes -->
**The line was again misquoted in the movie ''[[w:The Ninth Configuration|The Ninth Configuration]]'', in which a group of mental patients spend their time playing a game called "Famous Lines from Famous Movies" where one person quotes a line and the rest must identify the movie.
**This is also quoted in the [[Weird Al Yankovic]] film ''[[UHF]]'', with 'badges' replaced with 'badgers'.
**A variant of this line is used by the Decepticon, [[w:Starscream|Starscream]], in the ''[[Transformers]]'' episode "Ghost in the Machine", in which he says, "Passes? We don't need to show you no stinking passes!"
* "'''Spare the rod, spoil the child'''"
** There are numerous proverbs dealing with the subject of discipline in child rearing, but this is the closest: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." – [[Bible]] (King James Version), Proverbs 13:24
** This quote can be found in "Hudibras" by Samuel Butler, a poem in the 1600s
* "'''Crisis? What crisis?'''" – British Prime Minister [[James Callaghan]]
** This was a headline from ''[[The Sun (United Kingdom)|The Sun]]'' newspaper (11 January 1979) referring to Callaghan's reply at an improvised press conference. Asked "What is your general approach, in view of the mounting chaos in the country at the moment?", Callaghan replied "Well, that's a judgment that you are making. I promise you that if you look at it from outside, and perhaps you're taking rather a parochial view at the moment, I don't think that other people in the world would share the view that there is mounting chaos."
* "'''Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.'''"
** This quote is often attributed to [[Sigmund Freud]] to show that even that a famous psychoanalyst can admit that not everything has a profound meaning; however, no variation of this quote ever appears in his writings. It appears to have been falsely attributed to him several years after his death.[http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/08/12/just-a-cigar/]
** An alternative from Rudyard Kipling, from his poem "The Betrothed":
<blockquote>
:"A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;
:And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke."
</blockquote>
* "'''Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary, use words.'''"
** Often attributed to [[Francis of Assisi]], the origin of this quote is unknown.
* "'''Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.'''"
** Often attributed to [[Winston Churchill]] ([http://www.winstonchurchill.org/learn/speeches/quotations/quotes-falsely-attributed]). The phrase originated with [[François Guizot]] (1787-1874): "Not to be a republican at twenty is proof of want of heart; to be one at thirty is proof of want of head." It was revived by French Premier [[Georges Clemenceau]] (1841-1929): "Not to be a socialist at twenty is proof of want of heart; to be one at thirty is proof of want of head."
** Referenced in ''[[Swimming with Sharks]]'' (1994) as "if you're not a rebel by the age of 20, you've got no heart, but if you haven't turned establishment by 30, you've got no brains."
* "'''I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beer.'''"
** Correctly, according to the book [[w:light my fire (book)|''Light My Fire'']] by fellow Doors member [[w:Ray Manzarek|Ray Manzarek]], [[Jim Morrison]] was in fact singing "I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a '''beard'''", as the song allegedly tells of [[Jim Morrison|Morrison]] waking up after 3 weeks of [[wiktionary:narcotics|drug]]-induced sleep.
** The line "I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer" was inspired by [[w:Alice Cooper|Alice Cooper]]. He and Morrison were talking at the recording studio just before Jim went to record this song. He asked Alice about his day and he responded "Ehh.. Woke up this morning.... got myself a beer." Morrison decided to use the line in the song. Repeated in many interviews with Alice Cooper over the years. [http://www.uncut.co.uk/news/the_doors/news/11838]
* "'''Hold you in his armchair, you can feel his disease.'''"
** [[w:John Lennon|John Lennon]]'s intended lyric from [[w:The Beatles|The Beatles]]' 1969 song "Come Together was actually "Hold you in his arms, yeah, you can feel his disease." When informed that most people heard it as "armchair," Lennon stated that that lyric was also acceptable to him.[https://ultimateclassicrock.com/the-beatles-come-together-lyrics-uncovered/]
*'''Let them eat cake.'''
** This was never said by [[w:Marie Antoinette|Marie Antoinette]]. [[w:Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Jean-Jacques Rousseau]], in his 1783 autobiography ''Confessions'', relates that "a great princess" is said to have advised, with regard to starving peasants, "S'ils n'ont plus de pain, qu'ils mangent de la brioche," commonly translated as "If they have no bread, let them eat cake!" It has been speculated that he was actually referring to Maria Theresa of Spain. (Rousseau's manuscript was written in 1767, when Marie Antoinette was only 12 and would not marry the future Louis XVI for another three years.)
*'''You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!'''
** While [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]] indeed says the second part of this line in the film ''[[A Few Good Men]]'', the correct dialogue sequence is: "You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't ''handle'' the truth!" Cruise's character, in response to being asked if he wants answers, responds that he thinks he is entitled; asked again if he wants answers, Cruise states that he wants the truth. This sets off the monologue from Nicholson that begins with "You can't ''handle'' the truth!" This misquotation is commonly used in parodies of the scene, including twice on ''[[The Simpsons]]''.
*'''Hello, Clarice.'''
** This line, while occasionally used in parodies of the film ''[[The Silence of the Lambs]]'', was never once used in the film itself. However, Anthony Hopkins's character, [[w:Hannibal Lecter|Hannibal Lecter]], ''does'' at one point utter a similar phrase of "Good evening, Clarice." On the other hand in the sequel ''[[Hannibal (film)|Hannibal]]'', when the doctor answers Detective Pazzi's cell phone, just before he pushes him off the library balcony, Dr. Lecter greets Agent Starling with the following, "Is this Clarice? Well, hello Clarice..."
*'''Well, here's another fine mess you've gotten me into'''
** Attributed to [[w:Oliver Hardy|Oliver Hardy]], and often said after another one of [[w:Stan Laurel|Stan Laurel]]'s mistakes.
**The actual quote was "Well, here's another '''nice''' mess you've gotten me into!", which was said in the 1930's short ''[[w:The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case|The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case]]'', but there were several variations in subsequent films. The short, which followed ''The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case'', was ''[[w:Another Fine Mess|Another Fine Mess]]'', which is presumably the source.
** Ray Stevens later recorded a song that quoted "Here's another fine mess you've gotten me into / another fine mess, ah well, what else is new."
** Actually, first written by W. S. Gilbert in the 1885 operetta, "The Mikado" ([https://archive.org/details/mikadolibrettoof00sulluoft/page/36 libretto], see act II, 1st dialogue line after the song "See how the Fates their gifts allot"). The original line is "Well, a nice mess you've got us into, ..." spoken by the character Ko-Ko to Pooh-Bah, in reaction to a lie the two of them, and another character, have told to get out of trouble, but which has resulted in them getting into even more. The ubiquitous popularity of some of Gilbert & Sullivan's works (specifically "The Mikado" and "HMS Pinafore") has led to any number of phrases from their operettas entering into the common lexicon, frequently no longer recognized as quotes (see [https://www.gsarchive.net/mikado/html/mikado_by_mencken.html this review] by H. L. Mencken of the Baltimore Evening Sun, November 29, 1910, or [https://gsarchive.net/pinafore/html/pinafore_by_mencken.html this one], same journalist, same paper, 1911).
*'''I'm out of order? You're out of order! This whole court's out of order!'''
**Actual quote: ''"You're'' out of order! ''You're'' out of order! The whole ''trial'' is out of order! '''''They're''''' out of order!"
**Character of Arthur Kirkland in ''[[...And Justice for All (film)|...And Justice for All]]'' in response to Judge Rayford saying "Mr. Kirkland, you are out of order."
* '''I am the devil, and I have come to do the devil's work.'''
** Usually misattributed to [[Charles Manson]], in regard to the murders at the home of Sharon Tate. Manson was not present at any of the murders known to have been committed by his followers. The actual phrase, though not as said above, was uttered by [[w:Charles "Tex" Watson|Charles "Tex" Watson]] to Wojciech "Voytek" Frykowski.
** "I'm the devil, and I'm here to do the devil's work" is spoken by the character Otis ([[w:Bill Moseley|Bill Moseley]]) in [[Rob Zombie]]'s film ''[[The Devil's Rejects]]'', most likely as a tribute or homage of some kind to the original quote.
** Actual quote: "I'm the devil, I'm here to do the devil's ''business.'' Give me all your money."
* '''Music hath/has charms to soothe the savage beast.'''
** A misquotation of William Congreve's play, ''The Mourning Bride'', (1697).
** Actual quote: "Musick has Charms to sooth a savage Breast. To soften Rocks, or bend a knotted Oak."
** See Wikipedia listing for [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Congreve_(playwright)#.22Music_hath_charms_to_soothe_a_savage_breast.22 William Congreve]
* '''Only the Dead have seen the end of War.'''
** Attributed to Plato, but actually written by George Santayana in his ''The Life of Reason'' (1953). It was first misquoted in one of retired general Douglas MacArthur's farewell speeches and then crept into popular use.
*''' "A rose by any other name smells just as sweet."'''
** Actual quote: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet."
** Act II, scene ii of William Shakespeare's ''Romeo and Juliet''
** Captain Kirk misquotes the line in the original ''Star Trek'' series episode "By Any Other Name".
*'''Where art thou Romeo?'''
**The correct line (with context) is: "O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?/Deny thy father and refuse thy name./Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,/And I'll no longer be a Capulet." Juliet is not asking ''where'' Romeo is, she is asking ''why'' he is called Romeo.
**Act II, scene ii of the original Shakespeare
** Romeo's last name, Montague, means he is supposed to be bitter enemies with Juliet's family, the Capulets and so Juliet is asking him to renounce his name.
*''' "If you build it, they will come"'''
** Actual quote: "If you build it, he will come" from ''[[w:Field of Dreams|Field of Dreams]]''.
** Possibly a confusion of the ''Wayne's World 2'' quote "If you book them, they will come." Said by the spirit of Jim Morrison.
*''' "'Step into my parlor,' said the spider to the fly."'''
** Actual quote: "Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly" from "[[w:The Spider and the Fly (poem)|The Spider and the Fly]]".
** Also referenced in the songs "Spider to the Fly" by the Paper Chase and "Lullaby" by The Cure
*'''"Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think"'''
** Actual quote: "Brain: An apparatus with which we think that we think" from [[Ambrose Bierce]]'s ''[[The Devil's Dictionary]]''
* '''"Nul points"'''
** The French phrase is often attributed to the annual [[w:Eurovision Song Contest|''Eurovision Song Contest'']] in the media and elsewhere, most notably in the episode of ''[[Father Ted]]'', "[[w:Song for Europe (Father Ted)|Song for Europe]]". However, only points from one to twelve (''un – douze'') are given during the song contest. The phrase refers to the final score after a country has received no votes at all.
* "'''Mirror, mirror, on the wall...'''" – The Queen in ''[[Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937 film)|Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs]]''
**There is no correct source for this quotation, because it originates in a folk tale, and therefore by definition has no author and no known source. The 1937 film has "Magic mirror on the wall" (followed by "who is the fairest one of all?" and, later in the film, "who ''now'' is the fairest one of all?"). The Grimms' version of the story has "Spieglein, Spieglein, an der Wand, Wer ist die Schönste im ganzen Land?" (literally: "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the most beautiful in the whole country?") – but of course the Snow White story existed before the Grimms collected it.
* "'''Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman, Be him alive or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread.'''"
**Should this be quoting from [[Joseph Jacobs]]' ''English Fairy Tales'' it should say "Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum, I smell the blood of Englishman, Be him alive or be he dead, I'll have his bones to grind my bread."
<div id="IamYourFather">
* '''Luke, I am Your Father''' – [[w:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] in ''Star Wars Episode V: [[The Empire Strikes Back]]''
**The correct quote is:
***Darth Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
***Luke Skywalker: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
***Darth Vader: '''No. ''I'' am your father.'''
***Luke Skywalker: No... that's not true! That's impossible!
*'''Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.'''
**A misquotation from the poem "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]] (1834).
**Actual quote: Water, water, every where, / And all the boards did shrink; / Water, water, every where, / Nor any drop to drink.
*'''"Brace yourself, winter is coming"'''
**Attributed to Eddard (Ned) Stark (a character from George R. R. Martin's book series 'A Song of Ice and Fire'), but never in the series does he say the two phrases sequentially.
* '''"And I'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for those meddling kids!"'''
** Commonly attributed to various [[Scooby-Doo]] villains after being apprehended and unmasked at the end of the mystery.
** This quote is a pastiche of the various lines delivered by villains. Some villains would come close to uttering the line but would substitute "meddlers" or "blasted kids" or some variation. Some villains would use the "meddling kids" part but only a part of the rest of the line. Many villains remained silent upon arrest.
** Frequent use of such a quote first began to appear in ''A Pup Named Scooby-Doo'', where in almost every episode, the villains being arrested would say it, but refer to the gang as "pesky kids," rather than meddling. The "meddling" variation did begin to get used (and parodied) frequently in newer productions such as the direct-to-video movies, ''What's New, Scooby-Doo?'' and ''Scooby-Doo, Mystery Incorporated'', including commercials such as Direct TV.
* '''"There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way."'''
** Commonly attributed to Buddha, but does not appear anywhere in the Pali canon and there is no other evidence that it was said by him. The phrase appears in the writings of modern Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, but he credited it to Calvinist clergyman Abraham Johannes Muste. Muste is known to have used a variant of the phrase – "'peace' is the way" in 1967, but this was not the first time he had used it; its earliest appearance is in a volume of US Senate hearings from 1948. (Citation is at fakebuddhaquotes.com/there-is-no-path-to-happiness-happiness-is-the-path/)
** It is worth bearing in mind that a Calvinist interpretation of this phrase would be significantly different to a modern Buddhist one, and thus the intention of the two authors may be very different, even if the same words are used.
* ''"'''Eppur Si Muove (And Yet it Moves''')."''
** While attributed to Galileo during his trial with the Inquisition, there is no actual evidence to support the claim that he actually made this statement.
* '''"Lights, Camera, Action."'''
** Has never actually been used as a standard cadence in film-making. The call of "lights" would refer to burning lights, which had to actually be prepared, and then lit to function, and they would be irrelevant in modern times. There is no evidence that a call of "camera" was ever used at all: the call from the camera operator would be "speed", indicating that the film in the camera had reached the correct speed for filming.
* '''"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"'''
**Said by Neil Armstrong while walking on the moon.
**Due to static interference during transmission Armstrong's message was misinterpreted and consequently has been misquoted. Armstrong actually said, "That's one small step for '''''a''''' man, one giant leap for mankind."
**A clip of the landing is at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSdHina-fTk. The quote begins at 0:41. There is very obviously no "a", and there is no break in the transmission in which it could have occurred unheard. This so-called "correct" quote is without question what he ''intended'' to say, but not what he said.
* '''"640k ought to be enough for anyone."'''
** There is no reference to this ever being said by [[Bill Gates]] [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2011/09/08/640k-enough/]. The earliest reference to Gates saying something like this appeared in the 1985 (not 1981) issue of ''InfoWorld'' magazine, and was regretful of the past rather than predictive of the future: "When we set the upper limit of PC-DOS at 640K, we thought nobody would ever need that much memory." Even this was without a precise reference and not part of an interview. The quote bears similarity to one by [[Bob Newhart]]: "Later, I moved up to the 64 KB model (referring to the [[w:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]] personal computer) and thought that was silly because it was more memory than I would ever possibly need."<ref name="colker20010809">{{cite news | url=http://articles.latimes.com/2001/aug/09/news/tt-32244 | title=Happy Birthday PC! | work=Los Angeles Times | date=2001-08-09 | accessdate=9 January 2015 | author=Colker, David}}</ref>
* '''"Do you want to play a game?"'''
** Does not appear in any of the ''[[Saw (franchise)|Saw]]'' film series. Jigsaw's catchline is "''I'' want to play a game."
** The question "Shall we play a game?" is said by the computer in the movie ''[[w:WarGames|WarGames]]''.
* '''Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the Earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.'''
**This may be the most famous aviation quote that is not verifiable. It is attributed everywhere (including in some Smithsonian publications and the ''Washington Post'') to Leonardo da Vinci. The probable author is [[w:John H. Secondari|John Hermes Secondari]] (1919-1975), who was a writer for the 1965 TV documentary '''''I, Leonardo da Vinci'''''. There is a more detailed [[Talk:Leonardo_da_Vinci#Once_you_have_tasted_flight|discussion of this on the Leonardo da Vinci "Talk" page]].
* '''Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.'''
**Often attributed to [[w:Lord Kelvin|Lord Kelvin]], sometimes to [[w:Lord Rayleigh|Lord Rayleigh]] or [[Simon Newcomb]]. It is a fact that Kelvin did not believe in heavier-than air flight [http://zapatopi.net/kelvin/quotes/], but there is no reliable source that he or another physicist from 19th century said it was impossible from a scientific point of view.
**The oldest known source is the book from Chris Morgan ''Facts and fallacies: a book of definitive mistakes and misguided predictions'' (1981)
* '''Good Morning, Dave.'''
**Attributed to [[w:HAL 9000|HAL 9000]] (a character in the movies ''2001: A Space Odyssey'' and ''2010'') but is never actually spoken by it. Two quotes of HAL 9000 that are very similar to the misquotation are ''Hello, Dave.'' in ''2001: A Space Odyssey'' and ''Good Morning, Dr. Chandra.'' in ''2010''.
* '''Rivers of Blood.'''
**Enoch Powell, the controversial British politician, in the 1960s made a speech referring to the supposed dangers of immigration, which has always been known as the Rivers of Blood speech, but the actual words included "the River Tiber foaming with blood."
*'''Are you aware that [[w:Claude Pepper|Claude Pepper]] is known all over Washington as a shameless extrovert? Not only that, but this man is reliably reported to practice nepotism with his sister-in-law, he has a brother who is a known homo sapiens, and he has a sister who was once a thespian in wicked New York. Worst of all, it is an established fact that Mr. Pepper, before his marriage, habitually practiced celibacy.'''
**Attributed to [[w:George Smathers|George Smathers]]. Smathers never made this speech, nor did he express any such sentiment. The speech, which uses wordplay that would dupe a poorly educated or passive listener into thinking Pepper was part of a family of sexual perverts, was already a sort of urban legend circulating by the time ''Time'' magazine first placed it in print in 1950.
*'''Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.'''
**Supposedly the last words of Mexican Revolutionary military leader [[Pancho Villa]] following his 1923 assassination. However, most accounts of that event say that he died instantly, without any time to say ''anything''.
*'''That's where the money is.'''
**[[w:Willie Sutton|Willie Sutton]] regularly denied, for the rest of his life, having given this answer to a reporter's question about why he robbed banks, and it is believed to have been the reporter's invention. Those denials did not, however, deter Sutton from titling his 1976 autobiography ''Where the Money Was'', which may have led people to believe he ''did'' say it.
*'''I may be drunk, Bessie, but you are ugly, and tomorrow I shall be sober.'''
**There is no record of Churchill making this comeback, often attributed to him, to [[w:Bessie Braddock|Bessie Braddock]]; similar versions of the story involving other public figures of the era circulated before it became attached to him.
*'''The Battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton.'''
**While often attributed to the [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington|Duke of Wellington]] on a visit to his alma mater later in life, historians consider it unlikely that he said. It was only first said to have been said by him four decades after the battle, after he had died; in addition he had not spent much time at Eton and did not recall those years fondly. Biographers familiar with his style of speaking also consider it doubtful that, had he expressed a sentiment like that, he would have expressed it that way.
*'''The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.'''
**This quote has been attributed to several sources, including Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin and Mark Twain. It may have first appeared in Rita Mae Brown's book, ''Sudden Death'', published in January 1983. [http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new_york_city/entry/insanity_is_doing_the_same_thing_and_expecting_different_results/ barrypopik.com] [https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/200907/the-definition-insanity-is psychologytoday.com]
*'''The people of this country have had enough of experts.''' - [[Michael Gove]], in interview with Faisal Islam on June 3, 2016.
**Gove did not end his sentence here; he was interrupted by the interviewer [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGgiGtJk7MA]. The full quote is: "The people of this country have had enough of experts from organizations with acronyms, saying that they know what is best, and getting it consistently wrong." By eliding the latter part of the sentence, his opponents could argue that he had referred to experts as a whole, rather than to a particular behavior in which experts engaged.
*'''"Nothing comes between me and my Calvins."''' – [[wikipedia:Brooke Shields|Brooke Shields]]
**Actual quote: "Do you want to know what comes between me and my Calvins? Nothing." From a television commercial for [[wikipedia:Calvin Klein (company)|Calvin Klein Jeans]].
*'''"This is not madness. This is Sparta."''' - Gerald Butler as Leonidas in 300 (2007).
**Actual quote: "..Madness? This is Sparta." The phrase "This is not madness" is never spoken in the scene. A misquoted reference to this phrase appeared in the English translation of ''Phoenix Wright 3: Trials and Tribulations''.
*'''"Your princess is in another castle."''' - Super Mario Brothers (1985).
**Actual quote: "Thank you, Mario, but ''our'' princess is in another castle." The quote is spoken by a regular Mushroom citizen who Mario rescues from Bowser's castle in all Worlds prior to World 8, and uses "our" because she is the princess of the Mushroom people. The line is not implying Mario's entitled ownership of the princess, nor is it a romantic rejection, and at least in the original game no romance between Mario and the princess is ever implied.
**"Your princess is.." does appear in the much later game ''Braid'' (2008) in which the protagonist, Tim, ''is'' implied to have an unhealthy and unreciprocated romantic obsession with the princess.
*'''"Imagine, if you will."''' - The Twilight Zone (1959-1964).
**Host and narrator [[Rod Serling]] frequently asked viewers to "imagine" when describing the setting for an episode, but he never spoke this exact phrase on the series, though it is often attributed to him.
*'''"The meaning of life is 42."''' - Douglas Adams, ''The Hitchhikers’ Guide To The Galaxy, Primary Phase'' (radio), 1978.
**Actual quote: “The answer to the great question, of life, the universe and everything, is 42.” (“The ultimate question” in some versions), spoken by the Magrathean computer Deep Thought. A central point of the plot is that this answer caused the Magratheans to realise that they did not know what the great question was. Versions of the story vary in whether or not they include the question, but in no version is it related to the meaning of life, and in several the Magratheans explicitly state that the answer 42 proves that the question cannot be “why?” or similar.
** For example, the Question does not appear in the original radio series; in the Tertiary Phase series from 2004 it is claimed that knowing the Question and the Answer at once would cause the Universe to end. In the original UK TV series, the Question is stated as "what do you get if you multiply six by nine?", thus proving that "something is fundamentally wrong with the universe".
*'''"What's the deal with [X]?"''' - Seinfeld (1989-1998)
**The semifictional [[Jerry Seinfeld]] character occasionally used this phrase, but only with heavy irony so as to mock the concept of [[wikipedia:observational comedy|observational comedy]], and never during the interstitial stand-up segments at the beginning, end, and (early in the series) during episodes. The only non-ironic use of the phrase in the series was spoken by the [[George Costanza]] character.
*'''"I don't want to believe, I want to know."'''
**Quote wrongly attributed to Carl Sagan, who never said or wrote these words. It is not in any of his books, articles and TV shows, nor in any of his interviews. The author of this sentence is [[Paulo Bittencourt]], a freethinker, humanist and atheist, who wrote the books ''Liberated from Religion'' and ''Wasting Time on God''. [https://www.quora.com/Did-Carl-Sagan-say-I-dont-want-to-believe-I-want-to-know/answer/Alex-Thompson-7] [https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Wasting_Time_on_God/yPd7EAAAQBAJ?gbpv=1]
*'''"A delayed game is eventually good, but a rushed game is forever bad."'''
**Commonly attributed to [[Shigeru Miyamoto]], there is no proof that he said those exact words or originated the quote. A similar quote appeared in a 1997 edition of the GamePro magazine, but it was referred to as an industry catchphrase.
{{misattributed end}}
== Commonly misquoted ==
=== People ===
{{refimprove|section}}
Because they are well-known wits, sages, or villains, certain people are commonly given credit for statements they are not known to have made. Among the more commonly falsely credited authors are the following:
* [[Yogi Berra]]
* [[Otto von Bismarck]]
* [[Albert Camus]]
* [[George Carlin]]
* [[Winston Churchill]]
* [[Confucius]]
* [[Albert Einstein]]<ref name="bt">{{Cite web |url=https://bigthink.com/high-culture/how-viral-misquotes-evolve-and-replicate/ |title=Einstein didn’t say that: How viral misquotes evolve and replicate |date=2024-10-28 |accessdate=2024-11-02 |publisher={{w|Big Think}} |last=Dickinson |first=Kevin}}</ref>
* [[Benjamin Franklin]]
* [[Bill Gates]]
* [[Samuel Goldwyn]]
* [[Adolf Hitler]]
* [[Bruce Lee]]
* [[Abraham Lincoln]]
* [[Napoleon Bonaparte]]
* [[Dorothy Parker]]
* [[Dan Quayle]]
* [[Carl Sagan]] [https://www.quora.com/Did-Carl-Sagan-say-I-dont-want-to-believe-I-want-to-know/answer/Alex-Thompson-7]
* [[William Shakespeare]]
* [[George Bernard Shaw]]
* [[Joseph Stalin]]
* [[John Steinbeck]]
* [[Sun Tzu]]
* [[Henry David Thoreau]] [http://www.walden.org/Library/Quotations/The_Henry_D._Thoreau_Mis-Quotation_Page]
* [[Mark Twain]]
* [[Kurt Vonnegut]]
* [[Oscar Wilde]]
{{misattributed end}}
== References ==
<references />
[[Category:Lists|misquotations]]
[[Category:Themes]]
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/* Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems (1632) */
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[[File:Galilee.jpg|thumb|right|I do not feel [[obliged]] to [[believe]] that the same [[God]] who has endowed us with [[senses]], [[reason]], and [[intellect]] had intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us [[knowledge]] which we can attain by them.]]
'''[[w:Galileo Galilei|Galileo di Vincenzo Bonaiuti de' Galilei]]''' ([[15 February]] [[1564]] – [[8 January]] [[1642]]) was an [[w:Italians|Italian]] [[w:astronomer|astronomer]], [[w:physicist|physicist]], [[w:engineer|engineer]], [[w:philosopher|philosopher]], and [[w:mathematician|mathematician]] who played a major role in the [[w:Scientific Revolution|scientific revolution]] during the [[Renaissance]].
==Quotes ==
[[File:Jupiter-moons.jpg|thumb|right|My dear [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]], what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?]]
[[File:Dan Hershman - heart shaped sunspot (by) (1).jpg|thumb|right|The modern observations deprive all former writers of any [[authority]], since if they had seen what we see, they would have [[judged]] as we judge.]]
[[File:Brocken-tanzawa.JPG|thumb|right|You cannot [[teach]] a man anything, you can only [[help]] him to find it within himself.]]
[[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|[[Philosophy]] is written in that [[great]] [[book]] which ever lies before our [[eyes]] — I mean the [[universe]] — but we cannot [[understand]] it if we do not first [[learn]] the [[language]] and grasp the [[symbols]], in which it is [[written]].]]
[[File:Port wine.jpg|thumb|right|A mixture of moisture and light.]]
[[File:Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 Approaching Jupiter in 1994.jpg|thumb|right|[[All]] [[truths]] are easy to [[understand]] once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.]]
===''[[w:Sidereus Nuncius|Sidereus Nuncius]]'' (Venice, 1609)===
* ''Quòd tertio loca à nobis fuit obſeruatum, eſt ipſiuſmet LACTEI Circuli eſſentia, ſeu materies, quam Perſpicilli beneficio adeò ad ſenſum licet intueri, vt & altercationes omnes, quæ per tot ſæcula Philoſophos excrucia runt ab oculata certitudine dirimantur, nosque à verboſis dſputationibus liberemur.''
** What was observed by us in the third place is the nature or matter of the Milky Way itself, which, with the aid of the spyglass, may be observed so well that all the disputes that for so many generations have vexed philosophers are '''destroyed by visible certainty''', and we are '''liberated from wordy arguments'''.
*** Original text as reproduced in Edward Tufte, ''Beautiful Evidence'' (Cheshire, Connecticut: Graphics Press LLC, 2006), 101 (p. 3 of 4, insert between pp. 16V & 17R. Original manuscript renders the "q" in "nosque" with acute accent.)
*** Translation by Albert Van Helden in ''Sidereus Nuncius'' (Chicago, 1989), 62
* Revealing great, unusual, and remarkable spectacles, opening these to the consideration of every man, and especially of [[Philosophy|philosophers]] and [[Astronomy|astronomers]]; as observed by Galileo Galilei, Gentleman of [[Florence]], Professor of [[Mathematics]] in the [[w:University_of_Padua|University of Padua]], with the aid of a spyglass lately invented by him, in the surface of [[Moon|the Moon]], in innumerable fixed [[stars]], in nebulae, and above all in four [[Planet|planets]] swiftly revolving about [[Jupiter]] at differing distances and periods, and known to no one before the author recently perceived them and decided they should be named the [[w:Galilean moons|Medicean Stars]]
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* About ten months ago a report reached my ears that a certain Fleming had constructed a spyglass by means of which visible objects, though very distant from the eye of the observer, were distinctly seen as if nearby. Of the truly remarkable effect several experiences were related, to which some persons gave credence while others denied them. A few days later a report was confirmed to me in a letter from a noble [[Frenchmen|Frenchman]] in [[Paris]], [[w:Giacomo Badoer|Jacques Badovere]], which caused me to apply myself wholeheartedly to inquire into means by which I might arrive at the invention of a similar instrument. This I did shortly afterwards, my basis being the theory of [[w:Refraction|refraction]]. First I prepared a tube of lead, at the ends I fitted two [[glass]] lenses, both plane on one side while on the other side one was spherically convex and the other concave. Then placing my eye near the concave lens I perceived objects satisfactorily large and near, for they appeared three times closer and nine times larger than when seen with the naked eye alone. Next I constructed another one, more accurate, which represented objects as enlarged more than sixty times. Finally, sparing neither labor nor expense, I succeeded in constructing for myself so excellent an instrument that objects seen by means of it appeared nearly one thousand times larger and over thirty times closer than when regarded with our natural vision.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* Surely it is a great thing to increase the numerous host of fixed stars previously visible to the unaided [[vision]], adding countless more which have never before been seen, exposing these plainly to the eye in numbers ten times exceeding the old and familiar stars.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
===[http://www.heritage-history.com/www/heritage.php?Dir=books&MenuItem=display&author=gibson&book=scientists&story=letter Letter to Benedetto Castelli] (1613) ===
*"It seems to me that it was well said by Madama Serenissima, and insisted on by your reverence, that '''the [[The Bible|Holy Scripture]] cannot err, and that the decrees therein contained are absolutely true and inviolable.''' But I should have in your place added that, though Scripture cannot err, '''its expounders and interpreters are liable to err in many ways'''; and one error in particular would be most grave and most frequent, if we always stopped short at the literal signification of the words."
=== [[w:Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina|Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina]] (1615) ===
:<small> [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/galileo-tuscany.html Essay published in 1615], in response to enquiries of [[w:Christina of Lorraine|Christina of Tuscany]], as quoted in ''Aspects of Western Civilization : Problems and Sources in History'' (1988) by Perry McAdow Rogers, p. 53</small>
* '''Some years ago, as Your Serene Highness well knows, I discovered in the heavens many things that had not been seen before our own age.''' The novelty of these things, as well as some consequences which followed from them in contradiction to the physical notions commonly held among academic philosophers, stirred up against me no small number of professors — as if I had placed these things in the sky with my own hands in order to upset nature and overturn the sciences. They seemed to forget that '''the increase of known truths stimulates the investigation, establishment, and growth of the arts; not their diminution or destruction.'''<!-- ¶1 -->
* '''The passage of time has revealed to everyone the truths that I previously set forth; and, together with the truth of the facts, there has come to light the great difference in attitude between those who simply and dispassionately refused to admit the discoveries to be true, and those who combined with their incredulity some reckless passion of their own.''' Men who were well grounded in astronomical and physical [[science]] were persuaded as soon as they received my first message. There were others who denied them or remained in doubt only because of their novel and unexpected character, and because they had not yet had the opportunity to see for themselves. These men have by degrees come to be satisfied. But some, besides allegiance to their original error, possess I know not what fanciful interest in remaining hostile not so much toward the things in question as toward their discoverer. No longer being able to deny them, these men now take refuge in obstinate silence, but being more than ever exasperated by that which has pacified and quieted other men, they divert their thoughts to other fancies and seek new ways to damage me.<!-- ¶4 -->
* Persisting in their original resolve to destroy me and everything mine by any means they can think of, these men are aware of my views in astronomy and philosophy. They know that as to the arrangement of the parts of the [[universe]], I hold the [[sun]] to be situated motionless in the center of the revolution of the celestial orbs while the [[earth]] revolves about the sun. They know also that I support this position not only by refuting the arguments of [[Ptolemy]] and [[Aristotle]], but by producing many counter-arguments; in particular, some which relate to physical effects whose causes can perhaps be assigned in no other way. In addition there are astronomical arguments derived from many things in my new celestial discoveries that plainly confute the Ptolemaic system while admirably agreeing with and confirming the contrary hypothesis.<!-- ¶6 -->
** Variant translation: I hold that the Sun is located at the centre of the revolutions of the heavenly orbs and does not change place, and that the Earth rotates on itself and moves around it. Moreover … I confirm this view not only by refuting Ptolemy's and Aristotle's arguments, but also by producing many for the other side, especially some pertaining to physical effects whose causes perhaps cannot be determined in any other way, and other astronomical discoveries; these discoveries clearly confute the Ptolemaic system, and they agree admirably with this other position and confirm it.
* To this end they make a shield of their hypocritical zeal for religion. They go about invoking the Bible, which they would have minister to their deceitful purposes. Contrary to the sense of the Bible and the intention of the holy Fathers, if I am not mistaken, they would extend such authorities until even in purely physical matters — where faith is not involved — they would have us altogether abandon reason and the evidence of our senses in favor of some biblical passage, though under the surface meaning of its words this passage may contain a different sense.<!-- ¶10 -->
* [[Copernicus]] never discusses matters of [[religion]] or [[faith]], nor does he use argument that depend in any way upon the authority of sacred writings which he might have interpreted erroneously. ... He did not ignore the Bible, but he knew very well that if his doctrine were proved, then it could not contradict the Scriptures when they were rightly understood.<!-- ¶11 -->
* '''Nature … is inexorable and immutable; she never transgresses the laws imposed upon her, or cares a whit whether her abstruse reasons and methods of operation are understandable to men.''' For that reason it appears that nothing physical which sense-experience sets before our eyes, or which necessary demonstrations prove to us, ought to be called in question (much less condemned) upon the testimony of biblical passages which may have some different meaning beneath their words. For the Bible is not chained in every expression to conditions as strict as those which govern all physical effects; nor is God any less excellently revealed in [[Nature]]'s actions than in the sacred statements of the Bible.<!-- ¶18 -->
* '''I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us knowledge which we can attain by them.'''<!-- ¶22 -->
* I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree [probably [[w:Caesar Baronius|Caesar Baronius]]]: '''"The intention of the Holy Ghost is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how heaven goes."'''<!-- ¶25 -->
** Variant translation: I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree: "That the intention of the Holy Spirit is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how the heavens go."
===''[[w:Il Saggiatore|Il Saggiatore]]'' (1623)===
* Philosophy is written in this grand book, which stands continually open before our eyes (I say the 'Universe'), but can not be understood without first learning to comprehend the language and know the characters as it is written. It is written in mathematical language, and its characters are triangles, circles and other geometric figures, without which it is impossible to humanly understand a word; without these one is wandering in a dark labyrinth.
** From Italian: ''La filosofia è scritta in questo grandissimo libro che continuamente ci sta aperto innanzi a gli occhi (io dico l'universo), ma non si può intendere se prima non s'impara a intender la lingua, e conoscer i caratteri, ne' quali è scritto. Egli è scritto in lingua matematica, e i caratteri son triangoli, cerchi, ed altre figure geometriche, senza i quali mezi è impossibile a intenderne umanamente parola; senza questi è un aggirarsi vanamente per un oscuro laberinto.'' (cap. 6, p. [[s:it:Pagina:Le opere di Galileo Galilei VI.djvu/238|232]])
** Other translations:
*** '''Philosophy is written in that great book which ever lies before our eyes — I mean the universe — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the language and grasp the symbols, in which it is written.''' This book is written in the mathematical language, and the symbols are triangles, circles, and other geometrical figures, without whose help it is impossible to comprehend a single word of it; without which one wanders in vain through a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/64 ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science''] (1925) by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], p. 64 <ref>In the [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/n7 Preface], Burtt states "I must accept responsibility for the translations of … Galileo (except his Dialogues Concerning the Two Great Systems of the World and Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences, where I have used the translations noted)" (p. v-vi), implying Burtt is the author of this translation.</ref>
*** '''Philosophy is written in this grand book — I mean the universe — which stands continually open to our gaze, but it cannot be understood unless one first learns to comprehend the language in which it is written.''' It is written in the language of mathematics, and its characters are triangles, circles, and other geometric figures, without which it is humanly impossible to understand a single word of it; without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in ''The Philosophy of the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries'' (1966) by Richard Henry Popkin, p. 65
===Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1624)===
:<small>Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1578-1649), as translated in ''Galileo at Work: His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 294</small>
[[File:Water drop 001.jpg |thumb|right|A bucketful of [[water]] raised on high and set [[free]], returns to the [[sea]]; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?]]
* Whence do you have it that the terrestrial globe is so heavy? For my part, either I do not know what heaviness is, or the terrestrial globe is neither heavy nor light, as likewise all other globes of the universe. Heaviness to me (and I believe to Nature) is that innate tendency by which a body resists being moved from its natural place and by which, when forcibly removed therefrom, it spontaneously returns there. Thus '''a bucketful of water raised on high and set free, returns to the sea; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?'''
* I tell you that if natural bodies have it from Nature to be moved by any movement, this can only be circular motion, nor is it possible that Nature has given to any of its integral bodies a propensity to be moved by straight motion. I have many confirmations of this proposition, but for the present one alone suffices, which is this. I suppose the parts of the universe to be in the best arrangement, so that none is out of its place, which is to say that Nature and God have perfectly arranged their structure. This being so, it is impossible for those parts to have it from Nature to be moved in straight, or in other than circular motion, because what moves straight changes place, and if it changes place naturally, then it was at first in a place preternatural to it, which goes against the supposition. Therefore, if the parts of the world are well ordered, straight motion is superfluous and not natural, and they can only have it when some body is forcibly removed from its natural place, to which it would then return by a straight line, for thus it appears that a part of the earth does [move] when separated from its whole. I said "it appears to us," because I am not against thinking that not even for such an effect does Nature make use of straight line motion.
** A note on this statement is included by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in his ''Galileo at Work, His Scientific Biography'' (1981): ''Galileo adhered to this position in his ''Dialogue'' at least as to the "integral bodies of the universe." by which he meant stars and planets, here called "parts of the universe." But he did not attempt to explain the planetary motions on any mechanical basis, nor does this argument from "best arrangement" have any bearing on inertial motion, which to Galileo was indifference to motion and rest and not a tendency to move, either circularly or straight.''
=== ''[[w:Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems|Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems]]'' (1632)===
:<small> A dialogue between fictional characters Sagredo (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Giovanni Francesco Sagredo|Giovanni Francesco Sagredo]]), Salviati (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Filippo Salviati|Filippo Salviati]]) and Simplicio (named after long dead philosopher [[w:Simplicius of Cilicia|Simplicius of Cilicia]]), from the translations by [[w:Stilman Drake|Stilman Drake]] (1953), unless otherwise noted.</small>
:<small>See also ''[[The Systeme of the World: in Four Dialogues]]'', Thomas Salusbury's translation of ''Dialogo sopra i due Massimi Sistemi del Mondo'' (1632)</small>
[[File:Galileos Dialogue Title Page.png|thumb|To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest [[beginnings]], is no task for ordinary [[minds]]; to divine that wonderful [[arts]] lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for [[superhuman]] [[talents]].]]
[[File:Orangen.jpg|thumb|right|If there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of [[gold]] just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant [[flowers]], and fine [[fruit]].]]
[[File:Earth-Moon System.jpg|thumb|right|If you could see the [[earth]] illuminated when you were in a place as [[dark]] as [[night]], it would look to you more splendid than the [[moon]].]]
[[File:Pływy morskie.svg|thumb|right|Among all the [[great]] [[men]] who have [[philosophized]] about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute [[mind]], and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the [[earth]], he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the [[moon]]'s dominion over the [[waters]], to occult properties, and to such puerilities.]]
* It always seems to me extreme rashness on the part of some when they want to make human [[abilities]] the measure of what nature can do. On the contrary, there is not a single effect in nature, even the least that exists, such that the most ingenious theorists can arrive at a complete understanding of it. This vain presumption of understanding everything can have no other basis than never understanding anything. For anyone who had experienced just once the perfect understanding of one single thing, and had truly tasted how knowledge is accomplished, would recognize that of the [[infinity]] of other truths he understands nothing.
** Day One
* To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest beginnings, is no task for ordinary minds; to divine that wonderful arts lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for superhuman talents.
* I cannot without great astonishment — I might say without great insult to my [[intelligence]] — hear it attributed as a prime perfection and nobility of the natural and integral bodies of the universe that they are invariant, immutable, inalterable, etc., while on the other hand it is called a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, mutable, etc. For my part I consider the earth very noble and admirable precisely because of the diverse alterations, changes, generations, etc. that occur in it incessantly. If, not being subject to any changes, it were a vast desert of sand or a mountain of jasper, or if at the time of the flood the waters which covered it had frozen, and it had remained an enormous globe of ice where nothing was ever born or ever altered or changed, I should deem it a useless lump in the universe, devoid of activity and, in a word, superfluous and essentially non-existent. This is exactly the difference between a living animal and a dead one; and I say the same of the moon, of Jupiter, and of all other world globes. {{pb}} The deeper I go in considering the vanities of popular reasoning, the lighter and more foolish I find them. What greater stupidity can be imagined than that of calling jewels, silver, and gold "precious," and earth and soil "base"? People who do this ought to remember that if there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of gold just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant flowers, and fine fruit. It is scarcity and plenty that make the vulgar take things to be precious or worthless; they call a diamond very beautiful because it is like pure water, and then would not exchange one for ten barrels of water. Those who so greatly exalt incorruptibility, inalterability, etc. are reduced to talking this way, I believe, by their great desire to go on living, and by the terror they have of death. They do not reflect that if men were immortal, they themselves would never have come into the world. Such men really deserve to encounter a Medusa's head which would transmute them into statues of jasper or of diamond, and thus make them more perfect than they are.
** Sagredo
** Variant translation: I cannot without great wonder, nay more, disbelief, hear it being attributed to natural bodies as a great honor and perfection that they are impassable, immutable, inalterable, etc.: as conversely, I hear it esteemed a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, and mutable. It is my opinion that the earth is very noble and admirable by reason of the many and different alterations, mutations, and generations which incessantly occur in it. And if, without being subject to any alteration, it had been one great heap of sand, or a mass of jade, or if, since the time of the deluge, the waters freezing which covered it, it had continued an immense globe of crystal, wherein nothing had ever grown, altered, or changed, I should have esteemed it a wretched lump of no benefit to the Universe, a mass of idleness, and in a word superfluous, exactly as if it had never been in Nature. The difference for me would be the same as between a living and a dead creature. I say the same concerning the Moon, Jupiter, and all the other globes of the Universe. <br> The more I delve into the consideration of the vanity of popular discourses, the more empty and simple I find them. What greater folly can be imagined than to call gems, silver, and gold noble, and earth and dirt base? For do not these persons consider that if there were as great a scarcity of earth as there is of jewels and precious metals, there would be no king who would not gladly give a heap of diamonds and rubies and many ingots of gold to purchase only so much earth as would suffice to plant a jessamine in a little pot or to set a tangerine in it, that he might see it sprout, grow up, and bring forth such goodly leaves, fragrant flowers, and delicate fruit? It is scarcity and plenty that makes things esteemed and despised by the vulgar, who will say that there is a most beautiful diamond, for it resembles a clear water, and yet would not part from it for ten tons of water. These men who so extol incorruptibility, inalterability, and so on, speak thus, I believe, out of the great desire they have to live long and for fear of death, not considering that, if men had been immortal, they would not have come into the world. These people deserve to meet with a Medusa's head that would transform them into statues of diamond and jade, that so they might become more perfect than they are.
*** Part of this passage, in Italian, ''I detrattori della corruptibilitá meriterebber d'esser cangiati in statue.'', has also ben translated into English as "Detractors of corruptibility deserve being turned into statues."
**** [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/le_opere_di_galileo_galilei_edizione_nazionale_sotto_gli_etc/pdf/le_ope_p.pdf ''Dialogo sopra i due massimi sistemi del mondo.'' (PDF)], Le Opere di Galileo Galilei vol. VII, pg. 58.
**** Compare [[Maimonides]] "If man were never subject to change there could be no generation; there would be one single being..." [[Maimonides#Guide_for_the_Perplexed_.28c._1190.29|''Guide for the Perplexed'' (c. 1190)]]
* If what we are discussing were a point of [[law]] or of the [[humanities]], in which neither true nor false exists, one might trust in subtlety of mind and readiness of tongue and in the greater experience of the writers, and expect him who excelled in those things to make his reasoning most plausible, and one might judge it to be the best. But in the natural sciences, whose conclusions are true and necessary and have nothing to do with human will, one must take care not to place oneself in the defense of error; for here a thousand Demostheneses and a thousand Aristotles would be left in the lurch by every mediocre wit who happened to hit upon the truth for himself. Therefore, Simplicio, give up this idea and this hope of yours that there may be men so much more learned, erudite, and well-read than the rest of us as to be able to make that which is false become true in defiance of nature.
**Salviati, p. 61
* If you could see the earth illuminated when you were in a place as dark as night, it would look to you more splendid than the moon.
**Salviati, p. 88
* In the long run my observations have convinced me that some men, reasoning preposterously, first establish some conclusion in their minds which, either because of its being their own or because of their having received it from some person who has their entire confidence, impresses them so deeply that one finds it impossible ever to get it out of their heads. Such arguments in support of their fixed idea as they hit upon themselves or hear set forth by others, no matter how simple and stupid these may be, gain their instant acceptance and applause. On the other hand whatever is brought forward against it, however ingenious and conclusive, they receive with disdain or with hot rage — if indeed it does not make them ill. Beside themselves with passion, some of them would not be backward even about scheming to suppress and silence their adversaries.
**p. 322
* Among all the great men who have philosophized about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute mind, and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the earth, he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the moon's dominion over the waters, to occult properties, and to such [[wiktionary:puerility|puerilities]].
** In regard to Kepler's belief of the moon affecting the tides of the Earth, p. 328
* The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.
** Loose paraphrase of Salviati on [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/dialogue3.html Day 3]: "For when the sun draws up some vapors here, or warms a plant there, it draws these and warms this as if it had nothing else to do. Even in ripening a bunch of grapes, or perhaps just a single grape, it applies itself so effectively that it could not do more even if the goal of all its affairs were just the ripening of this one grape."
* Of such are the mathematical sciences alone; that is, [[geometry]] and [[arithmetic]], in which the Divine intellect indeed knows infinitely more propositions, since it knows all. But with regard to those few which the human intellect does understand, I believe its knowledge equals the Divine in objective certainty, for here it succeeds in understanding necessity, beyond which there can be no greater sureness.
** In the 1661 translation by [[w:Thomas Salusbury|Thomas Salusbury]]: … such are the pure Mathematical sciences, to wit, Geometry and Arithmetick: in which Divine Wisdom knows infinite more propositions, because it knows them all; but I believe that the knowledge of those few comprehended by humane understanding, equalleth the divine, as to the certainty objectivè, for that it arriveth to comprehend the necessity thereof, than which there can be no greater certainty." p. 92 (from the [http://archimedes.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/cgi-bin/toc/toc.cgi?page=92;dir=galil_syste_065_en_1661;step=textonly Archimedes Project])
** In the original Italian: … tali sono le scienze matematiche pure, cioè la geometria e l’aritmetica, delle quali l’intelletto divino ne sa bene infinite proposizioni di piú, perché le sa tutte, ma di quelle poche intese dall’intelletto umano credo che la cognizione agguagli la divina nella certezza obiettiva, poiché arriva a comprenderne la necessità, sopra la quale non par che possa esser sicurezza maggiore." (from the copy at the [[wikisource:it:Dialogo_sopra_i_due_massimi_sistemi_del_mondo_tolemaico_e_copernicano/Giornata_prima|Italian Wikisource]]).
* I cannot sufficiently admire the eminence of those men's wits, that have received and held it to be true, and with the sprightliness of their judgments offered such violence to their own senses, as that they have been able to prefer that which their reason dictated to them, to that which sensible experiments represented most manifestly to the contrary. ...I cannot find any bounds for my admiration, how that reason was able in [[Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]] and [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]], to commit such a [[rape]] on their senses, as in despite thereof to make herself mistress of their credulity.
** Thomas Salusbury translation (1661) p. 301 as quoted by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
=== Letter to Fr. Vincenzo Renieri (''c''. 1633) ===
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Facade - Galileo.JPG|thumb|right|Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition!]]
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Overview.jpg|thumb|right|I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.]]
:<small> Letter to Galileo's "intimate friend and disciple, the Father [[w:Vincentio Reinieri|Vincenzo Renieri]]" (1606-1647), who was chair of the mathematics department at the [[w:University of Pisa|University of Pisa]] from 1640 to 1647, as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?vid=0L0sP_8IL8mQL8Gy&id=gglJssJIjIwC&pg=RA2-PA242&printsec=8&dq=%22a+selection+from+italian+prose+writers%22 ''A Selection from Italian Prose Writers : with a double translation: for the use of students of the Italian language on the Hamiltonian system'' (1828)]</small>
* After the publication of my dialogues, I was summoned to Rome by the [[w:Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith|Congregation of the holy Office]], where, being arrived on the 10th of February 1633, I was subjected to the infinite clemency of that tribunal, and of the Sovereign Pontiff, [[w:Pope Urban VIII|Urban the Eighth]]; who, notwithstanding, thought me deserving of his esteem.
** pp. 145–146
* I am certainly interested in a tribunal in which, for having used my reason, I was deemed little less than a [[w:Heresy|heretic]]. Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition! But they behave to me in order that I may become the ''ignoramus and the fool of Italy''...
** p. 244
* I was obliged to retract, like a good Catholic, this opinion of mine; and as a punishment my dialogue was prohibited; and after five months being dismissed from Rome (at the time that the city of [[w:Florence|Florence]] was infected with [[w:Plague|plague]]), the habitation which with generous pity was assigned to me, was that of the dearest friend I had in [[w:Siena|Siena]], Monsignor the Archbishop [[w:Ascanio II Piccolomini|Piccolomini]], whose most agreeable conversation I enjoyed with such quite and satisfaction of mind, that having there resumed my studies, I discovered and demonstrated a great number on the mechanical conclusions on the resistance of solids … after about five months, the pestilence having ceased, the confinement of that house was changed by His Holiness for the freedom of the country so agreeable to me, whence I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.
** p. 251-253
=== ''[[w:Two New Sciences|Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences]]'' (1638) ===
:<small>[http://books.google.com/books?id=fdnPAAAAMAAJ Henry Crew & Alfonso de Salvio translation] (1914) unless otherwise noted</small>
: <small>Interlocutors: Salviati, Sagredo and Simplicio</small>
* Well, since paradoxes are at hand, '''let us see how it might be demonstrated that in a finite continuous extension it is not impossible for infinitely many voids to be found.'''
** Salviati, First Day, <!--268?--> [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974)
*I am quite convinced; and, believe me, '''if I were again beginning my studies, I should follow the advice of Plato and start with mathematics''', a science which proceeds very cautiously and admits nothing as established until it has been rigidly demonstrated.
**Simplicio, First Day, page 90.
* My purpose is to set forth a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject. '''There is, in nature, perhaps nothing older than motion, concerning which the books written by philosophers are neither few nor small; nevertheless I have discovered by experiment some properties of it which are worth knowing and which have not hitherto been either observed or demonstrated.''' Some superficial observations have been made, as, for instance, that the free motion [''naturalem motum''] of a heavy falling body is continuously accelerated; but to just what extent this acceleration occurs has not yet been announced; for so far as I know, '''no one has yet pointed out that the [[Distance|distances]] traversed, during equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''It has been observed that missiles and projectiles describe a curved path of some sort; however no one has pointed out the fact that this path is a [[w:Parabola#History|parabola]]. But this and other facts''', not few in number or less worth knowing, '''I have succeeded in proving; and what I consider more important, there have been opened up to this vast and most excellent science, of which my work is merely the beginning, ways and means by which other minds more acute than mine will explore its remote corners.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''This''' [experimentation] '''is the custom—and properly so—in those sciences where mathematical demonstrations are applied to natural phenomena''', as is seen in the case of perspective, astronomy, mechanics, music, and others '''where the principles, once established by well-chosen experiments, become the foundations of the entire superstructure.'''
** Salviati, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.178 [213]-->
* '''See now the power of truth'''; the same experiment which at first glance seemed to show one thing, when more carefully examined, assures us of the contrary.
** Salviati, Third Day. Naturally Accelerated Motion<!--p.164 [200]-->
* Indeed, I think we may concede to our Academician, without flattery, his claim that in the principle [principio, i. e., accelerated motion] laid down in this treatise he has established a new science dealing with a very old subject. Observing with what ease and clearness he deduces from a single principle the proofs of so many theorems, I wonder not a little how such a question escaped the attention of [[Archimedes]], [[Apollonius of Tyana|Apollonius]], [[Euclid]] and so many other [[mathematicians]] and illustrious philosophers, especially since so many ponderous tomes have been devoted to the subject of motion. (Galileo referred to himself as the/our Academician in his dialogue)
** Sagredo, Third Day P. 242
* I mentally conceive of some moveable [sphere] projected on a horizontal plane, all impediments being put aside. Now it is evident... that equable motion on this plane would be perpetual if the plane were of infinite extent, but if we assume it to be ended, and [situated] on high, the movable, driven to the end of this plane and going on further, adds on to its previous equable and indelible motion, that downward tendency which it has from its heaviness. Thus, there emerges a certain motion, compounded...
** Author, Day Four, On the Motion of Projectiles, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 268
* Proposition I. Theorem I: When a projectile is carried in motion compounded from equable horizontal and from naturally accelerated downward [motions], it describes a semiparabolic line in its movement.
** Author, Day Four, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 269
* The speed of the ball—thanks to opposition from the air—will not go on increasing forever. Rather, what will happen is seen in bodies of very little weight falling through no great distance; I mean, a reduction to equable motion, which will occur also in a lead or iron ball after the descent of some thousands of [[wiktionary:braccio#Noun|braccia]]. '''This bounded terminal speed will be called the maximum that such a heavy body can naturally attain through the air'''...
** Salviati, Day Four, 278-279 Stillman Drake translation (1974)
* It seems to me proper to adorn the Author's thought here with its conformity to a conception of [[Plato|Plato's]] regarding the determination of the various speeds of equable motion in the celestial motions of revolution. ...he said that God, after having created the movable celestial bodies, in order to assign to them those speeds with which they must be moved perpetually in equable circular motion, made them depart from rest and move through determinate spaces in that natural straight motion in which we sensibly see our moveables to be moved from the state of rest, successively accelerating. And he added that these having been made to gain that degree [of speed] which it pleased '''God''' that they should maintain forever, He '''turned their straight motion into circulation, the only kind''' [of motion] '''that is suitable to be conserved equably, turning always without retreat from or approach toward any pre-established goal desired by them. The conception is truly worthy''' of Plato, and it is '''to be more esteemed to the extent that its foundations''', of which Plato remained silent, but '''which were discovered by our Author in removing their poetical mask or semblance, show it the guise of a true story.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen's]] thesis: Galileo believed only circular (not straight line) motion may be conserved (perpetual), see ''The New Birth of Physics'' (1960).
** Sagredo, Day Four, [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974) pp.283-284
[[File:Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens.jpg|thumb|276x276px|Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens (c. 1630)]]
===Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1639) ===
:<small>Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1 August 1639), as translated in ''Galileo at Work : His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 399 - 401</small>
* It now remains that we find the amount of time of descent through the channel. This we shall obtain from the marvelous property of the [[pendulum]], which is that it makes all its vibrations, large or small, in equal times. This requires, once and for all, that two or three or four patient and curious friends, having noted a fixed star that stands against some fixed marker, taking a pendulum of any length, shall go counting its vibrations during the whole time of return of the fixed star to its original point, and this will be the number of vibrations in 24 hours. From the number of these we can find the number of vibrations of any other pendulums, longer or shorter, at will, so that if for example those counted by us in 24 hours were 234,567, then taking another shorter pendulum with which one counts 800 vibrations while another counts 150 of the longer pendulum, we already have, by the golden rule, the number of vibrations for the whole time of 24 hours; and if we want to know the time of descent through the channel, we can easily find not only the minutes, seconds, and sixtieths of seconds, but beyond that as we please. It is true that we can pass a more exact measure by having observed the flow of water through a thin passage, for by collecting this and having weighed what passes in one minute, for example, then by weighing what passes in the time of descent through the channel we can find the most exact measure and quantity of this time, especially by making use of a balance so precise as to weigh one sixtieth of a grain.
* If I shall have sufficient strength to improve and amplify what was written and published by me up to now about motion by adding some little speculations, and in particular those relating to the force of percussion, in the investigation of which I have consumed hundreds and thousands of hours, and finally reduced this to very easy explanation, so that people can understand it in less than half an hour of time.
===Other quotes===
* '''I esteem myself happy to have as great an ally as you in my search for truth.''' I will read your work … all the more willingly because I have for many years been a partisan of the Copernican view because it reveals to me the causes of many natural phenomena that are entirely incomprehensible in the light of the generally accepted hypothesis. To refute the latter I have collected many proofs, but I do not publish them, because I am deterred by the fate of our teacher [[Copernicus]] who, although he had won immortal fame with a few, was ridiculed and condemned by countless people (for very great is the number of the stupid).
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1596), as quoted in ''The Story of Civilization : The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 603
* What has philosophy got to do with measuring anything? It's the mathematicians you have to trust, and they measure the skies like we measure a field.
** "Matteo" in ''Concerning the New Star'' (1606)
* '''My dear Kepler, what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?''' What shall we make of this? '''Shall we laugh, or shall we cry?'''
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1610), as quoted in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio De Santillana
* ''sì perché l'autorità dell'opinione di mille nelle scienze non val per una scintilla di ragione di un solo, sì perché le presenti osservazioni spogliano d'autorità i decreti de' passati scrittori, i quali se vedute l'avessero, avrebbono diversamente determinato.''
** for '''in the sciences the authority of thousands of opinions is not worth as much as one tiny spark of reason in an individual man.''' Besides, '''the modern observations deprive all former writers of any authority, since if they had seen what we see, they would have judged as we judge.'''
*** Third letter on sunspots (December 1612) to Mark Wesler (1558 - 1614), as quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 134 - 135; Italian text online at [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/lettere/html/lett08c.htm Liber Liber], also from [http://www.intratext.com/IXT/ITA0188/_PQ.HTM IntraText].
** Variant translation: '''In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.'''
*** As quoted in ''Biographies of Distinguished Scientific Men'' (1859) by [[François Arago]], as translated by Baden Powell, Robert Grant, and William Fairbairn, p. 365
* We seek not what God could have done but what He has done.… God could have caused birds to fly with bones of solid gold, with veins full of quicksilver, with flesh heavier than lead and very small and heavy wings, so as to better show His power … but He wanted to make their bones, flesh and feathers very light … to teach us that He likes simplicity and ease.
**Notes in a copy of Jean-Baptiste Morin's "Famous and ancient problems of the earth's motion or rest, yet to be solved" (published 1631). Some English sources incorrectly attribute this to the ''Dialogue'', concluding it (also inaccurately): "It is only to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle." See "Misattributed" below for details.
* After an injunction had been judicially intimated to me by this Holy Office, to the effect that I must altogether abandon the false opinion that the sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center of the world, and moves, and that I must not hold, defend, or teach in any way whatsoever, verbally or in writing, the said false doctrine, and after it had been notified to me that the said doctrine was contrary to Holy Scripture — I wrote and printed a book in which I discuss this new doctrine already condemned, and adduce arguments of great cogency in its favor, without presenting any solution of these, and for this reason '''I have been pronounced by the Holy Office to be vehemently suspected of heresy, that is to say, of having held and believed that the Sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center and moves: <br /> Therefore, desiring to remove from the minds of your Eminences, and of all faithful Christians, this vehement suspicion, justly conceived against me, with sincere heart and unfeigned faith I abjure, curse, and detest the aforesaid errors and heresies, and generally every other error, [[heresy]], and sect whatsoever contrary to the said [[Catholic Church|Holy Church]]''', and I swear that in the future I will never again say or assert, verbally or in writing, anything that might furnish occasion for a similar suspicion regarding me; but that should I know any heretic, or person suspected of heresy, I will denounce him to this Holy Office, or to the Inquisitor or Ordinary of the place where I may be. Further, I swear and promise to fulfill and observe in their integrity all penances that have been, or that shall be, imposed upon me by this Holy Office. And, in the event of my contravening, (which God forbid) any of these my promises and oaths, I submit myself to all the pains and penalties imposed and promulgated in the sacred canons and other constitutions, general and particular, against such delinquents. So help me God, and these His Holy Gospels, which I touch with my hands. <br />I, the said Galileo Galilei, have abjured, sworn, promised, and bound myself as above; and in witness of the truth thereof I have with my own hand subscribed the present document of my abjuration, and recited it word for word at Rome, in the Convent of Minerva, this twenty-second day of June, 1633.
**Recantation (22 June 1633) as quoted in [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/recantation.html ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio de Santillana, p. 312]. <!-- also in ''Galileo's Mistake'' (2012) by Wade Rowland -->
* I have been in my bed for five weeks, oppressed with weakness and other infirmities from which my age, seventy four years, permits me not to hope release. Added to this (''proh dolor!'' [O misery!]) the sight of my right eye — that eye whose labors (dare I say it) have had such glorious results — is for ever lost. That of the left, which was and is imperfect, is rendered null by continual weeping.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (4 July 1637), as translated in [http://books.google.com/books?id=ixUCAAAAYAAJ ''The Private Life of Galileo : Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870)] by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 278
* Alas! Your dear friend and servant Galileo has been for the last month hopelessly blind; so that this heaven, this earth, this universe, which I by my marvelous discoveries and clear demonstrations had enlarged a hundred thousand times beyond the belief of the wise men of bygone ages, henceforward for me is shrunk into such a small space as is filled by my own bodily sensations.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (2 January 1638), as translated in ''The Private Life of Galileo : Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870) by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 279
* '''Wine is a mixture of moisture and light.'''
**As quoted in Lorenzo Magalotti's ''Scientific and Scholarly Letter'' (1721)
* '''Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, since things come first and names afterwards.'''
** As quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 92
** Variant translation: Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, because things came first, and their names subsequently.
== Attributed ==
* '''All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.'''
** As quoted in ''Angels in the workplace: stories and inspirations for creating a new world of work'' (1999) by Melissa Giovagnoli
* I have never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn something from him.
** As quoted in ''The Story of Civilization : The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 605
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* '''''Eppur si muove.'''''
** "And yet it moves" or "still it moves" is a comment he is alleged to have made in regard to the Earth after his recantation before the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]]. [[w:Giuseppe Marc'Antonio Baretti|Giuseppe Baretti]] was apparently the first person to record the story. Noted as a misattribution in Paul F. Boller, John George, ''They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, and Misleading Attributions'' (1990), p. 30.
* It is only in order to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle.
** Giorgio de Santillana attributed this remark to the ''Dialogue'' in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955), but it does not appear there. A vaguely similar exchange appears in the Fourth Day of the ''Dialogue'', when Salviati asks Simplicio why he resorts to a miracle to explain the tides, if they might be explained from movement of the earth. However, the specific wording comes instead from [[Thomas Browne]]'s ''Religio Medici'', where he states that the presence of wild animals on distant islands after the Deluge put [[Augustine of Hippo]] "to the refuge of a miracle," referring in turn to [[s:Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers: Series I/Volume II/City of God/Book XVI/Chapter 7|''The City of God'' XVI.7]].
* Mathematics is the key and door to the sciences.
** As quoted in ''Building Fluency Through Practice and Performance'' (2008) by Timothy Rasinski and Lorraine Griffith, p. 64, but in fact a quotation by [[w:Roger Bacon|Roger Bacon]]: ''Et harum scientiarum porta et clavis est Mathematica'', "And of these sciences the door and key is mathematics", from Bacon's ''Opus Majus'' (1267) [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=UfqcGd8NOFsC&pg=PA97&lpg=PA97&dq=%22porta+et+clavis%22+opus+majus&source=bl&ots=nGgt2Lhxqe&sig=88kIPB5EAKAKtm0APk6J5OrS1D0&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiU36D2gIbLAhVBWBQKHSW9CKgQ6AEINDAE#v=onepage&q=%22porta%20et%20clavis%22%20opus%20majus&f=false].
* Measure what is measurable, and make measurable what is not so.
** The quote is widely misattributed to Galilei, but is actually from two French scholars, Antoine-Augustin Cournot and Thomas-Henri Martin. See "Der messende Luchs: Zwei verbreitete Fehler in der Galilei-Literatur" by Andreas Kleinert in "NTM Zeitschrift für Geschichte der Wissenschaften, Technik und Medizin" May 2009, Volume 17, Issue 2, pp 199–206.
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Galileo ==
[[File:Galileo before the Holy Office.jpg |250px|thumb|right|Galileo was no [[idiot]]. Only an idiot can believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom… ~ [[David Hilbert]] ]]
* [I]t was upon... inequality of motions in point of [[w:velocity|velocity]] that Galileo built his theory of flux and reflux of the sea; supposing that the earth revolved faster than the [[water]] could follow; and that the water was therefore first gathered in a heap and then fell down, as we see in a basin of water moved quickly. But this he devised upon an assumption which cannot be allowed, viz. that the earth moves; and also without being well informed as to the sexhorary motion of the tide.
** [[Francis Bacon]], ''Novum Organum'' (1620) as quoted in ''The Works of Francis Bacon: Translations of the Philosophical Works'' (1875) [https://books.google.com/books?id=oOYkAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA212 p. 212,] Vol. IV of ''Translations of the Philosophical Works'' ed. James Spedding, Robert Leslie Ellis, Douglas Denon Heath.
* Galileo observed as early as 1638 that there are precisely as many squares 1, 4, 9, 16, 25,... as are positive integers all together. This is evident from the sequences{{center/s}}1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ... , ''n'', ...<br />1<sup>2</sup>, 2<sup>2</sup>, 3<sup>2</sup>, 4<sup>2</sup>, 5<sup>2</sup>, 6<sup>2</sup>, ..., ''n''<sup></sup>, ...{{center/e}} He thus recognized the fundamental distinction between finite and infinite classes that became current in the late [[19th century|nineteenth century]]. An infinite class is one in which there is a one-to-one correspondence between the whole class and a subclass of the whole. Or, what is equivalent, there are as many things in one part of an infinite class as there are in the whole class.<br />...A class whose elements can be put in a one-to-one correspondence with the integers 1, 2, 3, ... is said to be [[w:Countable set|denumerable]]. All the points in any line segment, finite or infinite in length, form a [[w:Uncountable set|non-denumerable set]]. A basic course in calculus starts from the theory of point sets. The distinction between denumerable and non-denumerable classes was not started by Galileo; it was observed about 1840 by [[w:Bernard Bolzano|Bolzano]] and in 1878 by [[Georg Cantor|Cantor]]. But '''Galileo's recognition of the cardinal property of all infinite classes makes him one of the genuine anticipators in the history of calculus. The other was [[Archimedes]].'''<!--p.138-->
** [[Eric Temple Bell]], ''The Development of Mathematics'' (1940)
* '''The credit of first using the telescope for astronomical purposes''' is almost invariably attributed to Galilei, though his first observations were in all probability slightly later in date than those of [[w:Thomas Harriot|Harriot]] and [[w:Simon Marius|Marius]], '''is to a great extent justified''' by the persistent way in which he examined object after object, whenever there seemed any reasonable prospect of results following, by the energy and acuteness with which he followed up each clue, by the independence of mind with which he interpreted his observations, and above all by the insight with which he realised their astronomical importance.
** Arthur Berry, [http://books.google.com/books?id=NsIKAAAAIAAJ ''A Short History of Astronomy''] (1899)
* His brilliant discoveries the man of science regards as his peculiar property; the means by which they were made, and the development of his intellectual character, belong to the [[Logic|logician]] and to the philosopher; but the triumphs and the reverses of his eventful life must be claimed for our common nature, as a source of more than ordinary instruction.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA13 p. 13], (1860 edition).
* [I]f [[Francis Bacon|Bacon]] had never lived, the student of nature would have found in the writings and labours of Galileo, not only the boasted principles of the inductive philosophy, but also their practical application to the highest efforts of invention and discovery.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA114 p. 114], (1860 edition).
* '''Others before him had asked why heavy bodies fall; now''', the homogeneity of the earth with the heavenly bodies having suggested that terrestrial motion is a proper subject for exact mathematical study, '''we have the further question raised: how do they fall?''' with the expectation that the answer will be given in mathematical terms.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
* [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]] had taken one course in treating the earth as virtually a celestial body in the [[Aristotle: a Chapter from the History of Science#Ch.7 Aristotle's Physics, Meteorology, and Mechanics|Aristotelian sense]]—a perfect sphere governed by the laws which operated in the higher reaches of the skies. Galileo complemented this by taking now the opposite course—rather treating the heavenly bodies as terrestrial ones, regarding the planets as subject to the very laws which applied to balls sliding down inclined planes. There was something in all this which tended to the reduction of the whole universe to uniform physical laws, and it is clear that the world was coming to be more ready to admit such a view.
** [[Herbert Butterfield]], ''The Origins of Modern Science'' (1949)
* In [[w:Santa Croce, Florence|Santa Croce]]'s holy precincts lie<br />Ashes which make it holier, dust which is<br />Even in itself an immortality,<br />Though there were nothing save the past, and this,<br />The particle of those sublimities<br />Which have relapsed to chaos: here repose<br />[[Michelangelo|Angelo]]'s, [[Vittorio Alfieri|Alfieri]]'s bones, and his,<br />The starry Galileo, with his woes;<br />Here [[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavelli]]'s earth returned to whence it rose.<br /><br />These are four minds, which, like the elements,<br />Might furnish forth creation:—Italy!<br />Time, which hath wronged thee with ten thousand rents<br />Of thine imperial garment, shall deny,<br />And hath denied, to every other sky,<br />Spirits which soar from ruin: thy decay<br />Is still impregnate with divinity,<br />Which gilds it with revivifying ray;<br />Such as the great of yore [[w:Antonio Canova|Canova]] is to-day.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto IV (1818) Stanzas 54-55.
* While [[Simon Stevin|Stevin]] investigated {{w|statics}}, Galileo pursued principally [[w:Dynamics (mechanics)|dynamics]]. Galileo was the first to abandon the [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] idea that bodies descend more quickly in proportion as they are heavier; he established the first [[w:Newton's laws of motion|law of motion]]; determined the laws of falling bodies; and, having obtained a clear notion of acceleration and of the independence of different motions, was able to prove that projectiles move in [[w:Parabola#History|parabolic]] curves. Up to his time it was believed that a cannon-ball moved forward at first in a straight line and then suddenly fell vertically to the ground. Galileo had an understanding of ''{{w|centrifugal force}}s'', and gave a correct definition of ''{{w|momentum}}''. Though he formulated the fundamental principles of statics, known as the ''{{w|parallelogram of force}}s'', yet he did not fully recognise its scope. The principle of virtual velocities was partly conceived by Guido Ubaldo (died 1607), and afterwards more fully by Galileo.
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* Galileo is the founder of the science of dynamics. Among his contemporaries it was chiefly the novelties he detected in the sky that made him celebrated, but [[Joseph Louis Lagrange|Lagrange]] claims that his astronomical discoveries required only a telescope and perseverance, while it took an extraordinary genius to discover laws from phenomena, which we see constantly and of which the true explanation escaped all earlier philosophers. The first contributor to the science of mechanics after Galileo was [[René Descartes|Descartes]].
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* It is impossible to exaggerate the effects of his telescopic discoveries on Galileo's life, so profound were they. Not only is it true of Galileo's personal life and thought, but it equally true of their influence on the history of scientific thought. '''Galileo had the experience of beholding the heavens as they actually are for perhaps the first time''', and wherever he looked he found evidence to support the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] system against the [[Ptolemy|Ptolemaic]], or at least weaken the authority of the ancients. This shattering experience—of observing the depths of the universe, of being the first mortal to know what the heavens are actually like—made so deep an impression... that '''it is only by considering the events of 1609... that one can understand the subsequent direction of his life.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* It is characteristic of Galileo as a scientist of the modern school that '''as soon as he found any kind of phenomenon, he wanted to measure it.''' It is all very well to be told that the telescope discloses that there are mountains on the moon, just as there are mountains on earth. But how much more extraordinary it is, and how much more convincing, to be told that there are mountains on the moon and that they are exactly four miles high! Galileo's determination of the height of the mountains on the moon has withstood the test of time...
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* His conflict with the Catholic Church arose because deep in his heart '''Galileo was a believer.''' There was for him no path of compromise, no way to have separate secular and theological cosmologies. If the Copernican system was true as he believed, what else could Galileo do but fight with every weapon he had in his arsenal... to make his Church accept a new system of the universe. ...In the contrast between Galileo's heroic stand when he tried to reform the cosmological basis of orthodox theology and his humbled, kneeling surrender when he disavowed his Copernicanism, we may sense the tremendous forces attendant on the birth of modern science.
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* The pre-Galilean thinkers were... concerned with motion in the sense used by [[Aristotle]]. For them, "motion" was any process in which there was transmission from any state or condition to another state. Thus the process of aging, the change in a person's degree of wisdom, or the growth in the weight of a boy could all be considered examples of motion. By contrast Galileo was concerned with ''physical'' motion, motion involving a change of place... One of the major kinds of motion that Galileo studied was the motion of free fall.
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* In his founding treatise, the ''Dialogues Concerning Two New Sciences'', Galileo boasted that he was setting forth "a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject." ...No one before him, he declared, had discovered that "the distance traversed, during [successive] equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity."<br />...Galileo's rule can be expressed differently, that the total distance fallen is proportional to the square of the total elapsed time.<br />...he devised an experiment in which he "diluted" gravity, slowing down the motion of falling. For this purpose he used an inclined plane... He allowed a small metal ball to roll down the board at different inclinations, and recorded the distances and times.<br />...Galileo presented the numerical values that he found in his experiments as proof... Thus he could proudly boast of an agreement to within "one-tenth of a pulse beat."
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* [[Alexandre Koyré|Koyré's]] exaltation of the "[[Plato|Platonic]] and [[Pythagoras|Pythagorean]]" elements of the [[w:Scientific revolution|Scientific Revolution]]... was based on a demonstrably false understanding of how Galileo reached his conclusions. Koyré asserted that Galileo merely used experiments as a check on the theories he devised by mathematical reasoning. But later research has definitively established that '''Galileo's experiments ''preceded'' his attempts to give a mathematical account of their results.'''
** [[Clifford D. Conner]], ''A People's History of Science'' (2005)
* For measurements of time he collected and weighed water flowing from a container at a constant rate of about three fluid ounces per second, He recorded weights of water in [[w:Grain (unit)|grains]] and, and defined his time unit, called a ''tempo'', to be the time for 16 grains of water to flow, which was equivalent to 1/92 second. These units were small enough so Galileo's measurements of distance and time always resulted in large numbers. That was a necessity because decimal numbers were not part of his mathematical equipment; the only way he could add [[w:Significant figures|significant digits]] in his calculations was to make the numbers larger.
** William H. Cropper, ''Great Physicists'' (2004)
* Galileo was the first scientist to recognise clearly that the only way to further our understanding of the physical world was to resort to experiment. ...the Greeks, in spite of their proficiency in geometry, never seem to have realised the importance of experiment ([[Democritus]] and [[Archimedes]] excepted). ...an excuse ...can scarcely be put forward when the elementary nature of Galileo's experiments and observations is recalled. Watching a lamp oscillate in the cathedral of Pisa, dropping bodies from the leaning tower of Pisa, rolling balls down inclined planes, noticing the magnifying effect of water in a spherical glass vase... might just as well have been performed by the Greeks.
** A. D'Abro, ''[https://archive.org/details/TheEvolutionOfScientificThought The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein]'' (1927) Forward
* It is to the Italian astronomer, forced in old age by the Inquisition to turn aside from the more dangerous study of the machinery of the heavens, that we owe the first exposition of many of the problems of mechanics and statics, published... in 1638. Not only did Galileo put together whatever the sixteenth century had learned in the sciences affecting building construction, but from his study of the bending strength of a beam there dates a new branch of science—the theory of the [[w:Strength of materials|strength of materials]].
** T. K. Derry & Trevor I. Williams, ''A Short History of Technology: From the Earliest Times to A.D. 1900'' (1960) Ch.5, Building Construction, "Building from the Renaissance to the Eighteenth Century"
* Conclusions obtained by purely rational processes are, so far as Reality is concerned, entirely empty. It was because he recognized this, and especially because he impressed it upon the scientific world that Galileo became the father of modern physics and in fact of the whole of modern natural science.
** [[Albert Einstein]], "On the Method of Theoretical Physics" (Apr., 1934) in ''Philosophy of Science'', Vol. 1, No. 2, [https://www.stmarys-ca.edu/sites/default/files/attachments/files/On_The_Method_of_Theoretical_Physics.pdf pp. 163-169.]
* It has always hurt me to think that Galilei did not acknowledge the work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] … That, alas, is [[vanity]] … You find it in so many scientists.
** [[Albert Einstein]], in an interview with [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], as quoted in ''Coming of Age in the Milky Way'' (1988) by [[w:Timothy Ferris|Timothy Ferris]]
* '''Galileo was no [[idiot]].''' Only an idiot could believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom — that may be [[Necessity|necessary]] in [[religion]], but in [[time]] a scientific result will establish itself.
** [[David Hilbert]], in defense of Galileo's recantation of his discoveries before a tribunal of the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]], as quoted in ''Mathematical Circles Squared : A Third Collection of Mathematical Stories and Anecdotes'' (1972) by Howard Whitley Eves, p. 125
* The beginning of astronomy, except observations, I think is not to be derived from farther time than from [[Nicolaus Copernicus]]; who in the age next preceding the present revived the [[w:Pythagorean astronomical system|opinion of]] [[Pythagoras]], [[w:Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]], and [[Philolaus]]. After him, the doctrine of the motion of the earth being now received, and a difficult question thereupon arising concerning the descent of heavy bodies, '''Galileus''' in our time, striving with that difficulty, '''was the first that opened to us the gate of [[w:Natural philosophy|natural philosophy]] universal, which is the knowledge of the nature of ''motion''.''' So that neither can the age of natural philosophy be reckoned higher than to him.
** [[Thomas Hobbes]], ''The English Works of Thomas Hobbes of Malmesbury'' (1839) ed. Sir William Molesworth, [http://books.google.com/books?id=1WY6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 1], p. vii
* A light was kindled amongst the investigators of nature when Galilei let balls of a definite weight roll down the inclined plane. For they saw that they only understand what is produced according to a predetermined plan or hypothesis... for otherwise planless observations made according to no ideas could never be brought into the form of a law which reason demands and seeks. ...Thus physics was brought into the position of a certain science after groping about blindly for so many hundred years.
** [[Immanuel Kant]], Preface, ''Critique of Pure Reason'' (1787) 2nd edition, as quoted by {{w|J. W. A. Hickson}}, "Francis Bacon and Galileo Galilei" (A Comparison of Methods) in ''The {{w|McGill University}} Magazine'' (Dec. 1905) Vol. 5, No. 1, [https://books.google.com/books?id=DVImAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA260 p. 260], footnote 2.
* Copernicus, Kepler and Galileo were ‘revisionists’ in rejecting the geocentric system of Ptolemy (which held sway for some 1500 years) and, against an oppressive and repressive mainstream opinion (and officialdom), reinstated—with improvements—the heliocentric system of Aristarchos of Samos (3rd cent BCE).
**Kazanas, N. (2002). Indigenous Indo-Aryans and the Rigveda: Indo-Aryan migration debate. Journal of Indo-European Studies, 30(3-4), 275-334.
* Galileo's program offers us a dead world: Out go sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, and along with them have since gone esthetic and ethical sensibility, values, quality, soul, consciousness, spirit. Experience as such is cast out of the realm of scientific discourse. Hardly anything has changed our world more during the past four hundred years than Galileo's audacious program. We had to destroy the world in theory before we could destroy it in practice.
** [[R. D. Laing]], as quoted by [[Fritjof Capra]], ''Uncommon Wisdom'' (1988)
* Galileo deduced the laws of freely falling bodies and the parabolic paths of projectiles, initiating an era of applications of mathematics to physics. In his book ''Two New Sciences'', he used [[w:Cavalieri's principle|indivisible methods]] to study the motion of a falling body, and he planned, but never wrote, an entire book on indivisibles.
** Reinhard Labenbacher, David Pengelley, ''Mathematical Expeditions: Chronicles by the Explorers'' (1999)
* '''The first mathematician to consider the nature of the resistance of solids to rupture was Galileo.''' Although he treated solids as inelastic, not being in possession of any law connecting the displacements produced with the forces producing them, or of any physical hypothesis capable of yielding such a law, yet '''his enquiries gave the direction which was subsequently followed by many investigators.'''
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) [https://books.google.com/books?id=l8YJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA2 p. 2.]
* '''He endeavoured to determine the resistance of a beam, one end of which is built into a wall, when the tendency to break it arises from its own or an applied weight'''; and he concluded that the beam tends to turn about an axis perpendicular to its length, and in the plane of the wall. '''This problem''', and, in particular, the determination of this axis '''is known as Galileo's problem.'''<!-- p. 2-->
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) p. 2.
* History can be helpful in making sense of the world we live in. It can also be fascinating, even fun. How can even the best [[novelist]] or [[Theatre|playwright]] invent someone like [[Augustus Caesar]] or [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine the Great]], Galileo or [[Florence Nightingale]]? How can screenwriters create better [[action]] stories or human [[Drama|dramas]] than exist, thousand upon thousand, throughout the many centuries of recorded history? There is a thirst out there both for [[knowledge]] and to be [[Entertainment|entertained]], and the [[market]] has responded with enthusiasm.
** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008)
* Galileo's comprehension of the concept of acceleration, which he defined as a change of velocity either in magnitude or direction... was an abstract idea that no one seems to have thought much about before. And in using it to test the still accepted [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] precept that a moving object requires a force to maintain it, Galileo easily demonstrated that it is not motion but rather acceleration which cannot occur without an external force. Deliberately rejecting common sense as a prejudiced witness, he let nature herself speak in the form of a "hard, smooth and very round ball" rolling down a "very straight" ideal groove lined with polished parchment, and then rolling up another groove, clocking each roll "hundreds or times"... he showed that, while downward motion (helped by gravity force) makes speed increase and upward motion (hindered by gravity force) makes speed decrease, there is always a "boundary case" in between... where speed remains constant (without any appreciable force)—and that, by reducing friction, this boundary case can be made to approach a horizontal level where gravity has no effect. Similarly testing... he also drafted a law of falling bodies: "that the distances traversed, during equal intervals of time... stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity." And his beautiful analysis of a cannonball's trajectory into horizontal and vertical components... was one day to be of enormous help to [[Isaac Newton]] in solving the riddle of gravity.
** [[w:Guy Murchie|Guy Murchie]], ''Music of the Spheres'' (1961)
*Galileo Galilei was the greatest writer in Italian literature: that's not me saying it, it's [[w:Italo Calvino|Italo Calvino]].
:*[[Piergiorgio Odifreddi]], ''il Venerdì di Repubblica'', 23 October 2009.
* It was in Galileo's time that firearms were invented... What is the path of a cannonball? ...Characteristically, Galileo was engrossed with the problem; characteristically, he solved it. The outcome of his ingenuity we know today as the method of superposition.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.100-->
* How do heavy bodies fall? ...Galileo's investigation of dynamics was physical; [[Aristotle|Aristotle's]] was metaphysical. But unlike Galileo, we have the additional convenience of algebraic notation. Had it been invented in his day he would certainly have known it; almost certainly he would have been able to push his development of dynamics much farther.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.85-->
*Galileo's head was on the block... The crime was looking up for [[truth]]... And then you had to bring up [[reincarnation]]... How long 'til my soul gets it right... Can any human being ever reach that kind of light... I call on the resting [[soul]] of Galileo... King of night [[vision]], king of [[insight]]... I'm not making a joke, you know me...I take everything so seriously... If we wait for the time 'til all souls get it right... Then at least I know there'll be no [[Nuclear war|nuclear annihilation]]... Can any human being ever reach the highest light... Except for Galileo — God rest his soul... Except for the resting soul of Galileo... King of night vision, king of insight.
**[[Indigo Girls|Emily Saliers]] in the song, “Galileo” (lead single of the [[Indigo Girls]] fourth album, a minor crossover pop hit in the US in August 1992, [https://genius.com/Indigo-girls-galileo-lyrics ''Genius''] (12 May 1992)
* '''If Galileo had been willing to face the idea of a plurality of worlds, instead of resting on that of the Sun as the natural "centre of things," he might have been impelled to develop his system in the [[Isaac Newton|Newtonian]] sense.''' ...The position of the satellites in the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] scheme proved the existence of a multiplicity of centers. But the way that led from there was fraught with danger.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* The allusion to the "puzzling" problem of [the orbit of] Mars shows that Galileo ought not to have been unaware of the great work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] published in 1609: ''Astronomia nova''... in which the first two of Kepler's laws were formulated. Yet he does not mention here at all Kepler's success in solving the problem, nor his laws, nor his name even, which is brought up... only to criticize his belief in the Moon's attraction [effect upon tides], which is quite reasonably presented in the ''Astronomia nova'' and founded on astronomical reasons and not on mystical speculations.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* '''To give us the science of motion God and Nature have joined hands and created the intellect of Galileo.'''
** [[w:Paolo Sarpi|Paolo Sarpi]], Editor's Preface to ''Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences'' by Galileo (1638) Crew and De Salvio translation (1914)
* The old Greek philosophy, which in Europe in the later middle ages was synonymous with the works of [[Aristotle]], considered motion as a thing for which a cause must be found: a velocity required a force to produce and to maintain it. '''The great discovery of Galileo was that not velocity, but acceleration requires a force'''. This is the law of inertia of which the real content is: the natural phenomena are described by differential equations of the second order.
** [[Willem de Sitter]], The Astronomical Aspect of the Theory of Relativity (1933)
* [T]he mathematical habit of mind and the mathematical procedure... had to be generated; otherwise [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] could never have thought of a formula representing the force between ''any'' two masses at ''any'' distance. ...Throughout the middle ages, under the influence of [[Aristotle]], the science was entirely misconceived. '''Newton had the advantage of coming after a series of great men, notably [[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]]... who in the previous two centuries had reconstructed the science and had invented the right way of thinking about it.''' He completed their work.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''An Introduction to Mathematics'' (1911) [https://books.google.com/books?id=1m1TOFIKNIMC&pg=PA29 pp. 29-30.]
* The way in which the persecution of Galileo has been remembered is a tribute to the quiet commencement of the most intimate change in outlook which the human race had yet encountered. Since a babe was born in a manger, it may be doubted whether so great a thing has happened with so little stir.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''Science and the Modern World'' (1925)
* The worst that happened to men of science was that Galileo suffered an honorable detention and a mild reproof, before dying peacefully in his bed.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], in ''The Mathematics Teacher'', Vol. 45 (1952), p. 182
* In Galileo's time, professors of philosophy and theology—the subjects were inseparable—produced grand discourses on the nature of reality... all based on sophisticated metaphysical arguments. Meanwhile, Galileo measured how fast balls roll down inclined planes. How mundane! But the learned discourses, while grand, were vague. Galileo's investigations were clear and precise. The old metaphysics never progressed, while Galileo's work bore abundant, and at length spectacular, fruit. Galileo too cared about the big questions, but he realized that getting the genuine answers requires patience and humility before the facts.
** [[Frank Wilczek]], ''The Lightness of Being'' (2008)
*How does the world recognizes England, the United Kingdom, as the country that gave birth to the modern age? It was not [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] but Galilei who opened the [[w:modern age|Moderna age]].
**[[Antonino Zichichi]]. As quoted in Carlo Passarello, ''[https://livesicilia.it/2013/02/07/zichichi-ars-sicilia/ La "prima volta" di Zichichi e all'Ars si parla di Archimede]'' (in Italian, February 7, 2013)
*As a believing scientist [...] it is my deep conviction that it is our task to search nature and the universe, as Galileo Galilei, the father of modern science, did, for the footprints of God.
**[[w:Antonino Zichichi|Antonino Zichichi]], ''[https://www.raicultura.it/filosofia/articoli/2024/03/Dio-La-scienza-le-prove----15bac320-af08-439b-9b91-c382811f2390.html Dio. La scienza, le prove]'', [[w:RAI|RAI]] Cultura, 2024
When I met John Paul II, I felt that history was offering us a unique opportunity: to heal a rift that had divided science and faith for centuries.
:'''I explained to the Pope what the scientific world had known for some time—that the condemnation of [[Galileo Galilei]] was a human error, not a contradiction of the Truth.'''
:The Church had punished a man who, with extraordinary humility and rigor, had opened the Book of Nature to humanity.
:I spoke with John Paul II about the need to officially acknowledge that wrong, not to rewrite the past, but to give strength to the future: a future in which science and faith could return to dialogue, united in the search for Truth.
:The Pope listened to me attentively, with the profound spiritual intelligence that characterized him.
:'''It was thanks to his courage and openness that the Church, after centuries, found the strength to ask for [[forgiveness]] and to embrace Science once again.'''
:It was a gesture that marked not only the history of the Church, but that of all humanity.
:*From a [https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1ANriRxcXx/ post] in the official Facebook profile of [[Antonino Zichichi]] (December 15, 2025). URL archived on [https://archive.is/wip/W1Dv7 December 21, 2025].
== Notes and references==
{{reflist}}
==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline|Author:Galileo Galilei}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
* [http://www.galilean-library.org/hps.html The Galileo Affair] by Paul Newall.
* [http://www.cslewis.org/journal/?p=10 Conflict or Cooperation] by Robert C. Fay
* [http://galileo.rice.edu/ The Galileo Project] at [[w:Rice University|Rice University]]
* [http://www.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/Galileo_Prototype/MAIN.HTM Electronic representation of Galilei's notes on motion (MS. 72)]
* [http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft0401/reviews/barr From Myth to History and Back] - Reviews of two books on Galileo
* [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/galileo/ PBS Nova Online: ''Galileo's Battle for the Heavens'']
* [http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/andrew_white/Chapter3.html ''The Warfare of Science With Theology'' by Andrew Dickson White, Ch. 3, dealing with the conflicts of Galileo with theological dogma]
{{Philosophy of science}}
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[[Category:Physicists from Italy]]
[[Category:1564 births]]
[[Category:1642 deaths]]
[[Category:Natural philosophers]]
[[Category:Engineers from Italy]]
[[Category:Mathematicians from Italy]]
[[Category:Inventors]]
[[Category:Latin authors]]
[[Category:Catholics from Italy]]
[[Category:People from Tuscany]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Italy]]
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[[File:Galilee.jpg|thumb|right|I do not feel [[obliged]] to [[believe]] that the same [[God]] who has endowed us with [[senses]], [[reason]], and [[intellect]] had intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us [[knowledge]] which we can attain by them.]]
'''[[w:Galileo Galilei|Galileo di Vincenzo Bonaiuti de' Galilei]]''' ([[15 February]] [[1564]] – [[8 January]] [[1642]]) was an [[w:Italians|Italian]] [[w:astronomer|astronomer]], [[w:physicist|physicist]], [[w:engineer|engineer]], [[w:philosopher|philosopher]], and [[w:mathematician|mathematician]] who played a major role in the [[w:Scientific Revolution|scientific revolution]] during the [[Renaissance]].
==Quotes ==
[[File:Jupiter-moons.jpg|thumb|right|My dear [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]], what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?]]
[[File:Dan Hershman - heart shaped sunspot (by) (1).jpg|thumb|right|The modern observations deprive all former writers of any [[authority]], since if they had seen what we see, they would have [[judged]] as we judge.]]
[[File:Galileo Galilei, 1564-1642 RMG BHC2699.tiff|thumb|right|You cannot [[teach]] a man anything, you can only [[help]] him to find it within himself.]]
[[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|[[Philosophy]] is written in that great [[book]] which ever lies before our eyes — I mean the [[universe]] — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the [[language]] and grasp the symbols, in which it is written.]]
[[File:Port wine.jpg|thumb|right|A mixture of moisture and light.]]
[[File:Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 Approaching Jupiter in 1994.jpg|thumb|right|All [[truths]] are easy to [[understand]] once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.]]
===''[[w:Sidereus Nuncius|Sidereus Nuncius]]'' (Venice, 1609)===
* ''Quòd tertio loca à nobis fuit obſeruatum, eſt ipſiuſmet LACTEI Circuli eſſentia, ſeu materies, quam Perſpicilli beneficio adeò ad ſenſum licet intueri, vt & altercationes omnes, quæ per tot ſæcula Philoſophos excrucia runt ab oculata certitudine dirimantur, nosque à verboſis dſputationibus liberemur.''
** What was observed by us in the third place is the nature or matter of the Milky Way itself, which, with the aid of the spyglass, may be observed so well that all the disputes that for so many generations have vexed philosophers are '''destroyed by visible certainty''', and we are '''liberated from wordy arguments'''.
*** Original text as reproduced in Edward Tufte, ''Beautiful Evidence'' (Cheshire, Connecticut: Graphics Press LLC, 2006), 101 (p. 3 of 4, insert between pp. 16V & 17R. Original manuscript renders the "q" in "nosque" with acute accent.)
*** Translation by Albert Van Helden in ''Sidereus Nuncius'' (Chicago, 1989), 62
* Revealing great, unusual, and remarkable spectacles, opening these to the consideration of every man, and especially of [[Philosophy|philosophers]] and [[Astronomy|astronomers]]; as observed by Galileo Galilei, Gentleman of [[Florence]], Professor of [[Mathematics]] in the [[w:University_of_Padua|University of Padua]], with the aid of a spyglass lately invented by him, in the surface of [[Moon|the Moon]], in innumerable fixed [[stars]], in nebulae, and above all in four [[Planet|planets]] swiftly revolving about [[Jupiter]] at differing distances and periods, and known to no one before the author recently perceived them and decided they should be named the [[w:Galilean moons|Medicean Stars]]
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* About ten months ago a report reached my ears that a certain Fleming had constructed a spyglass by means of which visible objects, though very distant from the eye of the observer, were distinctly seen as if nearby. Of the truly remarkable effect several experiences were related, to which some persons gave credence while others denied them. A few days later a report was confirmed to me in a letter from a noble [[Frenchmen|Frenchman]] in [[Paris]], [[w:Giacomo Badoer|Jacques Badovere]], which caused me to apply myself wholeheartedly to inquire into means by which I might arrive at the invention of a similar instrument. This I did shortly afterwards, my basis being the theory of [[w:Refraction|refraction]]. First I prepared a tube of lead, at the ends I fitted two [[glass]] lenses, both plane on one side while on the other side one was spherically convex and the other concave. Then placing my eye near the concave lens I perceived objects satisfactorily large and near, for they appeared three times closer and nine times larger than when seen with the naked eye alone. Next I constructed another one, more accurate, which represented objects as enlarged more than sixty times. Finally, sparing neither labor nor expense, I succeeded in constructing for myself so excellent an instrument that objects seen by means of it appeared nearly one thousand times larger and over thirty times closer than when regarded with our natural vision.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* Surely it is a great thing to increase the numerous host of fixed stars previously visible to the unaided [[vision]], adding countless more which have never before been seen, exposing these plainly to the eye in numbers ten times exceeding the old and familiar stars.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
===[http://www.heritage-history.com/www/heritage.php?Dir=books&MenuItem=display&author=gibson&book=scientists&story=letter Letter to Benedetto Castelli] (1613) ===
*"It seems to me that it was well said by Madama Serenissima, and insisted on by your reverence, that '''the [[The Bible|Holy Scripture]] cannot err, and that the decrees therein contained are absolutely true and inviolable.''' But I should have in your place added that, though Scripture cannot err, '''its expounders and interpreters are liable to err in many ways'''; and one error in particular would be most grave and most frequent, if we always stopped short at the literal signification of the words."
=== [[w:Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina|Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina]] (1615) ===
:<small> [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/galileo-tuscany.html Essay published in 1615], in response to enquiries of [[w:Christina of Lorraine|Christina of Tuscany]], as quoted in ''Aspects of Western Civilization : Problems and Sources in History'' (1988) by Perry McAdow Rogers, p. 53</small>
* '''Some years ago, as Your Serene Highness well knows, I discovered in the heavens many things that had not been seen before our own age.''' The novelty of these things, as well as some consequences which followed from them in contradiction to the physical notions commonly held among academic philosophers, stirred up against me no small number of professors — as if I had placed these things in the sky with my own hands in order to upset nature and overturn the sciences. They seemed to forget that '''the increase of known truths stimulates the investigation, establishment, and growth of the arts; not their diminution or destruction.'''<!-- ¶1 -->
* '''The passage of time has revealed to everyone the truths that I previously set forth; and, together with the truth of the facts, there has come to light the great difference in attitude between those who simply and dispassionately refused to admit the discoveries to be true, and those who combined with their incredulity some reckless passion of their own.''' Men who were well grounded in astronomical and physical [[science]] were persuaded as soon as they received my first message. There were others who denied them or remained in doubt only because of their novel and unexpected character, and because they had not yet had the opportunity to see for themselves. These men have by degrees come to be satisfied. But some, besides allegiance to their original error, possess I know not what fanciful interest in remaining hostile not so much toward the things in question as toward their discoverer. No longer being able to deny them, these men now take refuge in obstinate silence, but being more than ever exasperated by that which has pacified and quieted other men, they divert their thoughts to other fancies and seek new ways to damage me.<!-- ¶4 -->
* Persisting in their original resolve to destroy me and everything mine by any means they can think of, these men are aware of my views in astronomy and philosophy. They know that as to the arrangement of the parts of the [[universe]], I hold the [[sun]] to be situated motionless in the center of the revolution of the celestial orbs while the [[earth]] revolves about the sun. They know also that I support this position not only by refuting the arguments of [[Ptolemy]] and [[Aristotle]], but by producing many counter-arguments; in particular, some which relate to physical effects whose causes can perhaps be assigned in no other way. In addition there are astronomical arguments derived from many things in my new celestial discoveries that plainly confute the Ptolemaic system while admirably agreeing with and confirming the contrary hypothesis.<!-- ¶6 -->
** Variant translation: I hold that the Sun is located at the centre of the revolutions of the heavenly orbs and does not change place, and that the Earth rotates on itself and moves around it. Moreover … I confirm this view not only by refuting Ptolemy's and Aristotle's arguments, but also by producing many for the other side, especially some pertaining to physical effects whose causes perhaps cannot be determined in any other way, and other astronomical discoveries; these discoveries clearly confute the Ptolemaic system, and they agree admirably with this other position and confirm it.
* To this end they make a shield of their hypocritical zeal for religion. They go about invoking the Bible, which they would have minister to their deceitful purposes. Contrary to the sense of the Bible and the intention of the holy Fathers, if I am not mistaken, they would extend such authorities until even in purely physical matters — where faith is not involved — they would have us altogether abandon reason and the evidence of our senses in favor of some biblical passage, though under the surface meaning of its words this passage may contain a different sense.<!-- ¶10 -->
* [[Copernicus]] never discusses matters of [[religion]] or [[faith]], nor does he use argument that depend in any way upon the authority of sacred writings which he might have interpreted erroneously. ... He did not ignore the Bible, but he knew very well that if his doctrine were proved, then it could not contradict the Scriptures when they were rightly understood.<!-- ¶11 -->
* '''Nature … is inexorable and immutable; she never transgresses the laws imposed upon her, or cares a whit whether her abstruse reasons and methods of operation are understandable to men.''' For that reason it appears that nothing physical which sense-experience sets before our eyes, or which necessary demonstrations prove to us, ought to be called in question (much less condemned) upon the testimony of biblical passages which may have some different meaning beneath their words. For the Bible is not chained in every expression to conditions as strict as those which govern all physical effects; nor is God any less excellently revealed in [[Nature]]'s actions than in the sacred statements of the Bible.<!-- ¶18 -->
* '''I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us knowledge which we can attain by them.'''<!-- ¶22 -->
* I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree [probably [[w:Caesar Baronius|Caesar Baronius]]]: '''"The intention of the Holy Ghost is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how heaven goes."'''<!-- ¶25 -->
** Variant translation: I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree: "That the intention of the Holy Spirit is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how the heavens go."
===''[[w:Il Saggiatore|Il Saggiatore]]'' (1623)===
* Philosophy is written in this grand book, which stands continually open before our eyes (I say the 'Universe'), but can not be understood without first learning to comprehend the language and know the characters as it is written. It is written in mathematical language, and its characters are triangles, circles and other geometric figures, without which it is impossible to humanly understand a word; without these one is wandering in a dark labyrinth.
** From Italian: ''La filosofia è scritta in questo grandissimo libro che continuamente ci sta aperto innanzi a gli occhi (io dico l'universo), ma non si può intendere se prima non s'impara a intender la lingua, e conoscer i caratteri, ne' quali è scritto. Egli è scritto in lingua matematica, e i caratteri son triangoli, cerchi, ed altre figure geometriche, senza i quali mezi è impossibile a intenderne umanamente parola; senza questi è un aggirarsi vanamente per un oscuro laberinto.'' (cap. 6, p. [[s:it:Pagina:Le opere di Galileo Galilei VI.djvu/238|232]])
** Other translations:
*** '''Philosophy is written in that great book which ever lies before our eyes — I mean the universe — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the language and grasp the symbols, in which it is written.''' This book is written in the mathematical language, and the symbols are triangles, circles, and other geometrical figures, without whose help it is impossible to comprehend a single word of it; without which one wanders in vain through a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/64 ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science''] (1925) by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], p. 64 <ref>In the [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/n7 Preface], Burtt states "I must accept responsibility for the translations of … Galileo (except his Dialogues Concerning the Two Great Systems of the World and Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences, where I have used the translations noted)" (p. v-vi), implying Burtt is the author of this translation.</ref>
*** '''Philosophy is written in this grand book — I mean the universe — which stands continually open to our gaze, but it cannot be understood unless one first learns to comprehend the language in which it is written.''' It is written in the language of mathematics, and its characters are triangles, circles, and other geometric figures, without which it is humanly impossible to understand a single word of it; without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in ''The Philosophy of the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries'' (1966) by Richard Henry Popkin, p. 65
===Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1624)===
:<small>Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1578-1649), as translated in ''Galileo at Work: His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 294</small>
[[File:Water drop 001.jpg |thumb|right|A bucketful of [[water]] raised on high and set [[free]], returns to the [[sea]]; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?]]
* Whence do you have it that the terrestrial globe is so heavy? For my part, either I do not know what heaviness is, or the terrestrial globe is neither heavy nor light, as likewise all other globes of the universe. Heaviness to me (and I believe to Nature) is that innate tendency by which a body resists being moved from its natural place and by which, when forcibly removed therefrom, it spontaneously returns there. Thus '''a bucketful of water raised on high and set free, returns to the sea; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?'''
* I tell you that if natural bodies have it from Nature to be moved by any movement, this can only be circular motion, nor is it possible that Nature has given to any of its integral bodies a propensity to be moved by straight motion. I have many confirmations of this proposition, but for the present one alone suffices, which is this. I suppose the parts of the universe to be in the best arrangement, so that none is out of its place, which is to say that Nature and God have perfectly arranged their structure. This being so, it is impossible for those parts to have it from Nature to be moved in straight, or in other than circular motion, because what moves straight changes place, and if it changes place naturally, then it was at first in a place preternatural to it, which goes against the supposition. Therefore, if the parts of the world are well ordered, straight motion is superfluous and not natural, and they can only have it when some body is forcibly removed from its natural place, to which it would then return by a straight line, for thus it appears that a part of the earth does [move] when separated from its whole. I said "it appears to us," because I am not against thinking that not even for such an effect does Nature make use of straight line motion.
** A note on this statement is included by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in his ''Galileo at Work, His Scientific Biography'' (1981): ''Galileo adhered to this position in his ''Dialogue'' at least as to the "integral bodies of the universe." by which he meant stars and planets, here called "parts of the universe." But he did not attempt to explain the planetary motions on any mechanical basis, nor does this argument from "best arrangement" have any bearing on inertial motion, which to Galileo was indifference to motion and rest and not a tendency to move, either circularly or straight.''
=== ''[[w:Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems|Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems]]'' (1632)===
:<small> A dialogue between fictional characters Sagredo (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Giovanni Francesco Sagredo|Giovanni Francesco Sagredo]]), Salviati (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Filippo Salviati|Filippo Salviati]]) and Simplicio (named after long dead philosopher [[w:Simplicius of Cilicia|Simplicius of Cilicia]]), from the translations by [[w:Stilman Drake|Stilman Drake]] (1953), unless otherwise noted.</small>
:<small>See also ''[[The Systeme of the World: in Four Dialogues]]'', Thomas Salusbury's translation of ''Dialogo sopra i due Massimi Sistemi del Mondo'' (1632)</small>
[[File:Galileos Dialogue Title Page.png|thumb|To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest [[beginnings]], is no task for ordinary [[minds]]; to divine that wonderful [[arts]] lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for [[superhuman]] [[talents]].]]
[[File:Orangen.jpg|thumb|right|If there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of [[gold]] just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant [[flowers]], and fine [[fruit]].]]
[[File:Earth-Moon System.jpg|thumb|right|If you could see the [[earth]] illuminated when you were in a place as [[dark]] as [[night]], it would look to you more splendid than the [[moon]].]]
[[File:Pływy morskie.svg|thumb|right|Among all the [[great]] [[men]] who have [[philosophized]] about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute [[mind]], and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the [[earth]], he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the [[moon]]'s dominion over the [[waters]], to occult properties, and to such puerilities.]]
* It always seems to me extreme rashness on the part of some when they want to make human [[abilities]] the measure of what nature can do. On the contrary, there is not a single effect in nature, even the least that exists, such that the most ingenious theorists can arrive at a complete understanding of it. This vain presumption of understanding everything can have no other basis than never understanding anything. For anyone who had experienced just once the perfect understanding of one single thing, and had truly tasted how knowledge is accomplished, would recognize that of the [[infinity]] of other truths he understands nothing.
** Day One
* To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest beginnings, is no task for ordinary minds; to divine that wonderful arts lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for superhuman talents.
* I cannot without great astonishment — I might say without great insult to my [[intelligence]] — hear it attributed as a prime perfection and nobility of the natural and integral bodies of the universe that they are invariant, immutable, inalterable, etc., while on the other hand it is called a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, mutable, etc. For my part I consider the earth very noble and admirable precisely because of the diverse alterations, changes, generations, etc. that occur in it incessantly. If, not being subject to any changes, it were a vast desert of sand or a mountain of jasper, or if at the time of the flood the waters which covered it had frozen, and it had remained an enormous globe of ice where nothing was ever born or ever altered or changed, I should deem it a useless lump in the universe, devoid of activity and, in a word, superfluous and essentially non-existent. This is exactly the difference between a living animal and a dead one; and I say the same of the moon, of Jupiter, and of all other world globes. {{pb}} The deeper I go in considering the vanities of popular reasoning, the lighter and more foolish I find them. What greater stupidity can be imagined than that of calling jewels, silver, and gold "precious," and earth and soil "base"? People who do this ought to remember that if there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of gold just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant flowers, and fine fruit. It is scarcity and plenty that make the vulgar take things to be precious or worthless; they call a diamond very beautiful because it is like pure water, and then would not exchange one for ten barrels of water. Those who so greatly exalt incorruptibility, inalterability, etc. are reduced to talking this way, I believe, by their great desire to go on living, and by the terror they have of death. They do not reflect that if men were immortal, they themselves would never have come into the world. Such men really deserve to encounter a Medusa's head which would transmute them into statues of jasper or of diamond, and thus make them more perfect than they are.
** Sagredo
** Variant translation: I cannot without great wonder, nay more, disbelief, hear it being attributed to natural bodies as a great honor and perfection that they are impassable, immutable, inalterable, etc.: as conversely, I hear it esteemed a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, and mutable. It is my opinion that the earth is very noble and admirable by reason of the many and different alterations, mutations, and generations which incessantly occur in it. And if, without being subject to any alteration, it had been one great heap of sand, or a mass of jade, or if, since the time of the deluge, the waters freezing which covered it, it had continued an immense globe of crystal, wherein nothing had ever grown, altered, or changed, I should have esteemed it a wretched lump of no benefit to the Universe, a mass of idleness, and in a word superfluous, exactly as if it had never been in Nature. The difference for me would be the same as between a living and a dead creature. I say the same concerning the Moon, Jupiter, and all the other globes of the Universe. <br> The more I delve into the consideration of the vanity of popular discourses, the more empty and simple I find them. What greater folly can be imagined than to call gems, silver, and gold noble, and earth and dirt base? For do not these persons consider that if there were as great a scarcity of earth as there is of jewels and precious metals, there would be no king who would not gladly give a heap of diamonds and rubies and many ingots of gold to purchase only so much earth as would suffice to plant a jessamine in a little pot or to set a tangerine in it, that he might see it sprout, grow up, and bring forth such goodly leaves, fragrant flowers, and delicate fruit? It is scarcity and plenty that makes things esteemed and despised by the vulgar, who will say that there is a most beautiful diamond, for it resembles a clear water, and yet would not part from it for ten tons of water. These men who so extol incorruptibility, inalterability, and so on, speak thus, I believe, out of the great desire they have to live long and for fear of death, not considering that, if men had been immortal, they would not have come into the world. These people deserve to meet with a Medusa's head that would transform them into statues of diamond and jade, that so they might become more perfect than they are.
*** Part of this passage, in Italian, ''I detrattori della corruptibilitá meriterebber d'esser cangiati in statue.'', has also ben translated into English as "Detractors of corruptibility deserve being turned into statues."
**** [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/le_opere_di_galileo_galilei_edizione_nazionale_sotto_gli_etc/pdf/le_ope_p.pdf ''Dialogo sopra i due massimi sistemi del mondo.'' (PDF)], Le Opere di Galileo Galilei vol. VII, pg. 58.
**** Compare [[Maimonides]] "If man were never subject to change there could be no generation; there would be one single being..." [[Maimonides#Guide_for_the_Perplexed_.28c._1190.29|''Guide for the Perplexed'' (c. 1190)]]
* If what we are discussing were a point of [[law]] or of the [[humanities]], in which neither true nor false exists, one might trust in subtlety of mind and readiness of tongue and in the greater experience of the writers, and expect him who excelled in those things to make his reasoning most plausible, and one might judge it to be the best. But in the natural sciences, whose conclusions are true and necessary and have nothing to do with human will, one must take care not to place oneself in the defense of error; for here a thousand Demostheneses and a thousand Aristotles would be left in the lurch by every mediocre wit who happened to hit upon the truth for himself. Therefore, Simplicio, give up this idea and this hope of yours that there may be men so much more learned, erudite, and well-read than the rest of us as to be able to make that which is false become true in defiance of nature.
**Salviati, p. 61
* If you could see the earth illuminated when you were in a place as dark as night, it would look to you more splendid than the moon.
**Salviati, p. 88
* In the long run my observations have convinced me that some men, reasoning preposterously, first establish some conclusion in their minds which, either because of its being their own or because of their having received it from some person who has their entire confidence, impresses them so deeply that one finds it impossible ever to get it out of their heads. Such arguments in support of their fixed idea as they hit upon themselves or hear set forth by others, no matter how simple and stupid these may be, gain their instant acceptance and applause. On the other hand whatever is brought forward against it, however ingenious and conclusive, they receive with disdain or with hot rage — if indeed it does not make them ill. Beside themselves with passion, some of them would not be backward even about scheming to suppress and silence their adversaries.
**p. 322
* Among all the great men who have philosophized about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute mind, and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the earth, he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the moon's dominion over the waters, to occult properties, and to such [[wiktionary:puerility|puerilities]].
** In regard to Kepler's belief of the moon affecting the tides of the Earth, p. 328
* The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.
** Loose paraphrase of Salviati on [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/dialogue3.html Day 3]: "For when the sun draws up some vapors here, or warms a plant there, it draws these and warms this as if it had nothing else to do. Even in ripening a bunch of grapes, or perhaps just a single grape, it applies itself so effectively that it could not do more even if the goal of all its affairs were just the ripening of this one grape."
* Of such are the mathematical sciences alone; that is, [[geometry]] and [[arithmetic]], in which the Divine intellect indeed knows infinitely more propositions, since it knows all. But with regard to those few which the human intellect does understand, I believe its knowledge equals the Divine in objective certainty, for here it succeeds in understanding necessity, beyond which there can be no greater sureness.
** In the 1661 translation by [[w:Thomas Salusbury|Thomas Salusbury]]: … such are the pure Mathematical sciences, to wit, Geometry and Arithmetick: in which Divine Wisdom knows infinite more propositions, because it knows them all; but I believe that the knowledge of those few comprehended by humane understanding, equalleth the divine, as to the certainty objectivè, for that it arriveth to comprehend the necessity thereof, than which there can be no greater certainty." p. 92 (from the [http://archimedes.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/cgi-bin/toc/toc.cgi?page=92;dir=galil_syste_065_en_1661;step=textonly Archimedes Project])
** In the original Italian: … tali sono le scienze matematiche pure, cioè la geometria e l’aritmetica, delle quali l’intelletto divino ne sa bene infinite proposizioni di piú, perché le sa tutte, ma di quelle poche intese dall’intelletto umano credo che la cognizione agguagli la divina nella certezza obiettiva, poiché arriva a comprenderne la necessità, sopra la quale non par che possa esser sicurezza maggiore." (from the copy at the [[wikisource:it:Dialogo_sopra_i_due_massimi_sistemi_del_mondo_tolemaico_e_copernicano/Giornata_prima|Italian Wikisource]]).
* I cannot sufficiently admire the eminence of those men's wits, that have received and held it to be true, and with the sprightliness of their judgments offered such violence to their own senses, as that they have been able to prefer that which their reason dictated to them, to that which sensible experiments represented most manifestly to the contrary. ...I cannot find any bounds for my admiration, how that reason was able in [[Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]] and [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]], to commit such a [[rape]] on their senses, as in despite thereof to make herself mistress of their credulity.
** Thomas Salusbury translation (1661) p. 301 as quoted by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
=== Letter to Fr. Vincenzo Renieri (''c''. 1633) ===
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Facade - Galileo.JPG|thumb|right|Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition!]]
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Overview.jpg|thumb|right|I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.]]
:<small> Letter to Galileo's "intimate friend and disciple, the Father [[w:Vincentio Reinieri|Vincenzo Renieri]]" (1606-1647), who was chair of the mathematics department at the [[w:University of Pisa|University of Pisa]] from 1640 to 1647, as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?vid=0L0sP_8IL8mQL8Gy&id=gglJssJIjIwC&pg=RA2-PA242&printsec=8&dq=%22a+selection+from+italian+prose+writers%22 ''A Selection from Italian Prose Writers : with a double translation: for the use of students of the Italian language on the Hamiltonian system'' (1828)]</small>
* After the publication of my dialogues, I was summoned to Rome by the [[w:Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith|Congregation of the holy Office]], where, being arrived on the 10th of February 1633, I was subjected to the infinite clemency of that tribunal, and of the Sovereign Pontiff, [[w:Pope Urban VIII|Urban the Eighth]]; who, notwithstanding, thought me deserving of his esteem.
** pp. 145–146
* I am certainly interested in a tribunal in which, for having used my reason, I was deemed little less than a [[w:Heresy|heretic]]. Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition! But they behave to me in order that I may become the ''ignoramus and the fool of Italy''...
** p. 244
* I was obliged to retract, like a good Catholic, this opinion of mine; and as a punishment my dialogue was prohibited; and after five months being dismissed from Rome (at the time that the city of [[w:Florence|Florence]] was infected with [[w:Plague|plague]]), the habitation which with generous pity was assigned to me, was that of the dearest friend I had in [[w:Siena|Siena]], Monsignor the Archbishop [[w:Ascanio II Piccolomini|Piccolomini]], whose most agreeable conversation I enjoyed with such quite and satisfaction of mind, that having there resumed my studies, I discovered and demonstrated a great number on the mechanical conclusions on the resistance of solids … after about five months, the pestilence having ceased, the confinement of that house was changed by His Holiness for the freedom of the country so agreeable to me, whence I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.
** p. 251-253
=== ''[[w:Two New Sciences|Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences]]'' (1638) ===
:<small>[http://books.google.com/books?id=fdnPAAAAMAAJ Henry Crew & Alfonso de Salvio translation] (1914) unless otherwise noted</small>
: <small>Interlocutors: Salviati, Sagredo and Simplicio</small>
* Well, since paradoxes are at hand, '''let us see how it might be demonstrated that in a finite continuous extension it is not impossible for infinitely many voids to be found.'''
** Salviati, First Day, <!--268?--> [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974)
*I am quite convinced; and, believe me, '''if I were again beginning my studies, I should follow the advice of Plato and start with mathematics''', a science which proceeds very cautiously and admits nothing as established until it has been rigidly demonstrated.
**Simplicio, First Day, page 90.
* My purpose is to set forth a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject. '''There is, in nature, perhaps nothing older than motion, concerning which the books written by philosophers are neither few nor small; nevertheless I have discovered by experiment some properties of it which are worth knowing and which have not hitherto been either observed or demonstrated.''' Some superficial observations have been made, as, for instance, that the free motion [''naturalem motum''] of a heavy falling body is continuously accelerated; but to just what extent this acceleration occurs has not yet been announced; for so far as I know, '''no one has yet pointed out that the [[Distance|distances]] traversed, during equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''It has been observed that missiles and projectiles describe a curved path of some sort; however no one has pointed out the fact that this path is a [[w:Parabola#History|parabola]]. But this and other facts''', not few in number or less worth knowing, '''I have succeeded in proving; and what I consider more important, there have been opened up to this vast and most excellent science, of which my work is merely the beginning, ways and means by which other minds more acute than mine will explore its remote corners.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''This''' [experimentation] '''is the custom—and properly so—in those sciences where mathematical demonstrations are applied to natural phenomena''', as is seen in the case of perspective, astronomy, mechanics, music, and others '''where the principles, once established by well-chosen experiments, become the foundations of the entire superstructure.'''
** Salviati, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.178 [213]-->
* '''See now the power of truth'''; the same experiment which at first glance seemed to show one thing, when more carefully examined, assures us of the contrary.
** Salviati, Third Day. Naturally Accelerated Motion<!--p.164 [200]-->
* Indeed, I think we may concede to our Academician, without flattery, his claim that in the principle [principio, i. e., accelerated motion] laid down in this treatise he has established a new science dealing with a very old subject. Observing with what ease and clearness he deduces from a single principle the proofs of so many theorems, I wonder not a little how such a question escaped the attention of [[Archimedes]], [[Apollonius of Tyana|Apollonius]], [[Euclid]] and so many other [[mathematicians]] and illustrious philosophers, especially since so many ponderous tomes have been devoted to the subject of motion. (Galileo referred to himself as the/our Academician in his dialogue)
** Sagredo, Third Day P. 242
* I mentally conceive of some moveable [sphere] projected on a horizontal plane, all impediments being put aside. Now it is evident... that equable motion on this plane would be perpetual if the plane were of infinite extent, but if we assume it to be ended, and [situated] on high, the movable, driven to the end of this plane and going on further, adds on to its previous equable and indelible motion, that downward tendency which it has from its heaviness. Thus, there emerges a certain motion, compounded...
** Author, Day Four, On the Motion of Projectiles, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 268
* Proposition I. Theorem I: When a projectile is carried in motion compounded from equable horizontal and from naturally accelerated downward [motions], it describes a semiparabolic line in its movement.
** Author, Day Four, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 269
* The speed of the ball—thanks to opposition from the air—will not go on increasing forever. Rather, what will happen is seen in bodies of very little weight falling through no great distance; I mean, a reduction to equable motion, which will occur also in a lead or iron ball after the descent of some thousands of [[wiktionary:braccio#Noun|braccia]]. '''This bounded terminal speed will be called the maximum that such a heavy body can naturally attain through the air'''...
** Salviati, Day Four, 278-279 Stillman Drake translation (1974)
* It seems to me proper to adorn the Author's thought here with its conformity to a conception of [[Plato|Plato's]] regarding the determination of the various speeds of equable motion in the celestial motions of revolution. ...he said that God, after having created the movable celestial bodies, in order to assign to them those speeds with which they must be moved perpetually in equable circular motion, made them depart from rest and move through determinate spaces in that natural straight motion in which we sensibly see our moveables to be moved from the state of rest, successively accelerating. And he added that these having been made to gain that degree [of speed] which it pleased '''God''' that they should maintain forever, He '''turned their straight motion into circulation, the only kind''' [of motion] '''that is suitable to be conserved equably, turning always without retreat from or approach toward any pre-established goal desired by them. The conception is truly worthy''' of Plato, and it is '''to be more esteemed to the extent that its foundations''', of which Plato remained silent, but '''which were discovered by our Author in removing their poetical mask or semblance, show it the guise of a true story.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen's]] thesis: Galileo believed only circular (not straight line) motion may be conserved (perpetual), see ''The New Birth of Physics'' (1960).
** Sagredo, Day Four, [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974) pp.283-284
[[File:Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens.jpg|thumb|276x276px|Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens (c. 1630)]]
===Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1639) ===
:<small>Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1 August 1639), as translated in ''Galileo at Work : His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 399 - 401</small>
* It now remains that we find the amount of time of descent through the channel. This we shall obtain from the marvelous property of the [[pendulum]], which is that it makes all its vibrations, large or small, in equal times. This requires, once and for all, that two or three or four patient and curious friends, having noted a fixed star that stands against some fixed marker, taking a pendulum of any length, shall go counting its vibrations during the whole time of return of the fixed star to its original point, and this will be the number of vibrations in 24 hours. From the number of these we can find the number of vibrations of any other pendulums, longer or shorter, at will, so that if for example those counted by us in 24 hours were 234,567, then taking another shorter pendulum with which one counts 800 vibrations while another counts 150 of the longer pendulum, we already have, by the golden rule, the number of vibrations for the whole time of 24 hours; and if we want to know the time of descent through the channel, we can easily find not only the minutes, seconds, and sixtieths of seconds, but beyond that as we please. It is true that we can pass a more exact measure by having observed the flow of water through a thin passage, for by collecting this and having weighed what passes in one minute, for example, then by weighing what passes in the time of descent through the channel we can find the most exact measure and quantity of this time, especially by making use of a balance so precise as to weigh one sixtieth of a grain.
* If I shall have sufficient strength to improve and amplify what was written and published by me up to now about motion by adding some little speculations, and in particular those relating to the force of percussion, in the investigation of which I have consumed hundreds and thousands of hours, and finally reduced this to very easy explanation, so that people can understand it in less than half an hour of time.
===Other quotes===
* '''I esteem myself happy to have as great an ally as you in my search for truth.''' I will read your work … all the more willingly because I have for many years been a partisan of the Copernican view because it reveals to me the causes of many natural phenomena that are entirely incomprehensible in the light of the generally accepted hypothesis. To refute the latter I have collected many proofs, but I do not publish them, because I am deterred by the fate of our teacher [[Copernicus]] who, although he had won immortal fame with a few, was ridiculed and condemned by countless people (for very great is the number of the stupid).
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1596), as quoted in ''The Story of Civilization : The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 603
* What has philosophy got to do with measuring anything? It's the mathematicians you have to trust, and they measure the skies like we measure a field.
** "Matteo" in ''Concerning the New Star'' (1606)
* '''My dear Kepler, what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?''' What shall we make of this? '''Shall we laugh, or shall we cry?'''
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1610), as quoted in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio De Santillana
* ''sì perché l'autorità dell'opinione di mille nelle scienze non val per una scintilla di ragione di un solo, sì perché le presenti osservazioni spogliano d'autorità i decreti de' passati scrittori, i quali se vedute l'avessero, avrebbono diversamente determinato.''
** for '''in the sciences the authority of thousands of opinions is not worth as much as one tiny spark of reason in an individual man.''' Besides, '''the modern observations deprive all former writers of any authority, since if they had seen what we see, they would have judged as we judge.'''
*** Third letter on sunspots (December 1612) to Mark Wesler (1558 - 1614), as quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 134 - 135; Italian text online at [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/lettere/html/lett08c.htm Liber Liber], also from [http://www.intratext.com/IXT/ITA0188/_PQ.HTM IntraText].
** Variant translation: '''In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.'''
*** As quoted in ''Biographies of Distinguished Scientific Men'' (1859) by [[François Arago]], as translated by Baden Powell, Robert Grant, and William Fairbairn, p. 365
* We seek not what God could have done but what He has done.… God could have caused birds to fly with bones of solid gold, with veins full of quicksilver, with flesh heavier than lead and very small and heavy wings, so as to better show His power … but He wanted to make their bones, flesh and feathers very light … to teach us that He likes simplicity and ease.
**Notes in a copy of Jean-Baptiste Morin's "Famous and ancient problems of the earth's motion or rest, yet to be solved" (published 1631). Some English sources incorrectly attribute this to the ''Dialogue'', concluding it (also inaccurately): "It is only to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle." See "Misattributed" below for details.
* After an injunction had been judicially intimated to me by this Holy Office, to the effect that I must altogether abandon the false opinion that the sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center of the world, and moves, and that I must not hold, defend, or teach in any way whatsoever, verbally or in writing, the said false doctrine, and after it had been notified to me that the said doctrine was contrary to Holy Scripture — I wrote and printed a book in which I discuss this new doctrine already condemned, and adduce arguments of great cogency in its favor, without presenting any solution of these, and for this reason '''I have been pronounced by the Holy Office to be vehemently suspected of heresy, that is to say, of having held and believed that the Sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center and moves: <br /> Therefore, desiring to remove from the minds of your Eminences, and of all faithful Christians, this vehement suspicion, justly conceived against me, with sincere heart and unfeigned faith I abjure, curse, and detest the aforesaid errors and heresies, and generally every other error, [[heresy]], and sect whatsoever contrary to the said [[Catholic Church|Holy Church]]''', and I swear that in the future I will never again say or assert, verbally or in writing, anything that might furnish occasion for a similar suspicion regarding me; but that should I know any heretic, or person suspected of heresy, I will denounce him to this Holy Office, or to the Inquisitor or Ordinary of the place where I may be. Further, I swear and promise to fulfill and observe in their integrity all penances that have been, or that shall be, imposed upon me by this Holy Office. And, in the event of my contravening, (which God forbid) any of these my promises and oaths, I submit myself to all the pains and penalties imposed and promulgated in the sacred canons and other constitutions, general and particular, against such delinquents. So help me God, and these His Holy Gospels, which I touch with my hands. <br />I, the said Galileo Galilei, have abjured, sworn, promised, and bound myself as above; and in witness of the truth thereof I have with my own hand subscribed the present document of my abjuration, and recited it word for word at Rome, in the Convent of Minerva, this twenty-second day of June, 1633.
**Recantation (22 June 1633) as quoted in [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/recantation.html ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio de Santillana, p. 312]. <!-- also in ''Galileo's Mistake'' (2012) by Wade Rowland -->
* I have been in my bed for five weeks, oppressed with weakness and other infirmities from which my age, seventy four years, permits me not to hope release. Added to this (''proh dolor!'' [O misery!]) the sight of my right eye — that eye whose labors (dare I say it) have had such glorious results — is for ever lost. That of the left, which was and is imperfect, is rendered null by continual weeping.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (4 July 1637), as translated in [http://books.google.com/books?id=ixUCAAAAYAAJ ''The Private Life of Galileo : Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870)] by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 278
* Alas! Your dear friend and servant Galileo has been for the last month hopelessly blind; so that this heaven, this earth, this universe, which I by my marvelous discoveries and clear demonstrations had enlarged a hundred thousand times beyond the belief of the wise men of bygone ages, henceforward for me is shrunk into such a small space as is filled by my own bodily sensations.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (2 January 1638), as translated in ''The Private Life of Galileo : Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870) by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 279
* '''Wine is a mixture of moisture and light.'''
**As quoted in Lorenzo Magalotti's ''Scientific and Scholarly Letter'' (1721)
* '''Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, since things come first and names afterwards.'''
** As quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 92
** Variant translation: Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, because things came first, and their names subsequently.
== Attributed ==
* '''All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.'''
** As quoted in ''Angels in the workplace: stories and inspirations for creating a new world of work'' (1999) by Melissa Giovagnoli
* I have never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn something from him.
** As quoted in ''The Story of Civilization : The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 605
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* '''''Eppur si muove.'''''
** "And yet it moves" or "still it moves" is a comment he is alleged to have made in regard to the Earth after his recantation before the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]]. [[w:Giuseppe Marc'Antonio Baretti|Giuseppe Baretti]] was apparently the first person to record the story. Noted as a misattribution in Paul F. Boller, John George, ''They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, and Misleading Attributions'' (1990), p. 30.
* It is only in order to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle.
** Giorgio de Santillana attributed this remark to the ''Dialogue'' in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955), but it does not appear there. A vaguely similar exchange appears in the Fourth Day of the ''Dialogue'', when Salviati asks Simplicio why he resorts to a miracle to explain the tides, if they might be explained from movement of the earth. However, the specific wording comes instead from [[Thomas Browne]]'s ''Religio Medici'', where he states that the presence of wild animals on distant islands after the Deluge put [[Augustine of Hippo]] "to the refuge of a miracle," referring in turn to [[s:Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers: Series I/Volume II/City of God/Book XVI/Chapter 7|''The City of God'' XVI.7]].
* Mathematics is the key and door to the sciences.
** As quoted in ''Building Fluency Through Practice and Performance'' (2008) by Timothy Rasinski and Lorraine Griffith, p. 64, but in fact a quotation by [[w:Roger Bacon|Roger Bacon]]: ''Et harum scientiarum porta et clavis est Mathematica'', "And of these sciences the door and key is mathematics", from Bacon's ''Opus Majus'' (1267) [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=UfqcGd8NOFsC&pg=PA97&lpg=PA97&dq=%22porta+et+clavis%22+opus+majus&source=bl&ots=nGgt2Lhxqe&sig=88kIPB5EAKAKtm0APk6J5OrS1D0&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiU36D2gIbLAhVBWBQKHSW9CKgQ6AEINDAE#v=onepage&q=%22porta%20et%20clavis%22%20opus%20majus&f=false].
* Measure what is measurable, and make measurable what is not so.
** The quote is widely misattributed to Galilei, but is actually from two French scholars, Antoine-Augustin Cournot and Thomas-Henri Martin. See "Der messende Luchs: Zwei verbreitete Fehler in der Galilei-Literatur" by Andreas Kleinert in "NTM Zeitschrift für Geschichte der Wissenschaften, Technik und Medizin" May 2009, Volume 17, Issue 2, pp 199–206.
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Galileo ==
[[File:Galileo before the Holy Office.jpg |250px|thumb|right|Galileo was no [[idiot]]. Only an idiot can believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom… ~ [[David Hilbert]] ]]
* [I]t was upon... inequality of motions in point of [[w:velocity|velocity]] that Galileo built his theory of flux and reflux of the sea; supposing that the earth revolved faster than the [[water]] could follow; and that the water was therefore first gathered in a heap and then fell down, as we see in a basin of water moved quickly. But this he devised upon an assumption which cannot be allowed, viz. that the earth moves; and also without being well informed as to the sexhorary motion of the tide.
** [[Francis Bacon]], ''Novum Organum'' (1620) as quoted in ''The Works of Francis Bacon: Translations of the Philosophical Works'' (1875) [https://books.google.com/books?id=oOYkAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA212 p. 212,] Vol. IV of ''Translations of the Philosophical Works'' ed. James Spedding, Robert Leslie Ellis, Douglas Denon Heath.
* Galileo observed as early as 1638 that there are precisely as many squares 1, 4, 9, 16, 25,... as are positive integers all together. This is evident from the sequences{{center/s}}1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ... , ''n'', ...<br />1<sup>2</sup>, 2<sup>2</sup>, 3<sup>2</sup>, 4<sup>2</sup>, 5<sup>2</sup>, 6<sup>2</sup>, ..., ''n''<sup></sup>, ...{{center/e}} He thus recognized the fundamental distinction between finite and infinite classes that became current in the late [[19th century|nineteenth century]]. An infinite class is one in which there is a one-to-one correspondence between the whole class and a subclass of the whole. Or, what is equivalent, there are as many things in one part of an infinite class as there are in the whole class.<br />...A class whose elements can be put in a one-to-one correspondence with the integers 1, 2, 3, ... is said to be [[w:Countable set|denumerable]]. All the points in any line segment, finite or infinite in length, form a [[w:Uncountable set|non-denumerable set]]. A basic course in calculus starts from the theory of point sets. The distinction between denumerable and non-denumerable classes was not started by Galileo; it was observed about 1840 by [[w:Bernard Bolzano|Bolzano]] and in 1878 by [[Georg Cantor|Cantor]]. But '''Galileo's recognition of the cardinal property of all infinite classes makes him one of the genuine anticipators in the history of calculus. The other was [[Archimedes]].'''<!--p.138-->
** [[Eric Temple Bell]], ''The Development of Mathematics'' (1940)
* '''The credit of first using the telescope for astronomical purposes''' is almost invariably attributed to Galilei, though his first observations were in all probability slightly later in date than those of [[w:Thomas Harriot|Harriot]] and [[w:Simon Marius|Marius]], '''is to a great extent justified''' by the persistent way in which he examined object after object, whenever there seemed any reasonable prospect of results following, by the energy and acuteness with which he followed up each clue, by the independence of mind with which he interpreted his observations, and above all by the insight with which he realised their astronomical importance.
** Arthur Berry, [http://books.google.com/books?id=NsIKAAAAIAAJ ''A Short History of Astronomy''] (1899)
* His brilliant discoveries the man of science regards as his peculiar property; the means by which they were made, and the development of his intellectual character, belong to the [[Logic|logician]] and to the philosopher; but the triumphs and the reverses of his eventful life must be claimed for our common nature, as a source of more than ordinary instruction.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA13 p. 13], (1860 edition).
* [I]f [[Francis Bacon|Bacon]] had never lived, the student of nature would have found in the writings and labours of Galileo, not only the boasted principles of the inductive philosophy, but also their practical application to the highest efforts of invention and discovery.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA114 p. 114], (1860 edition).
* '''Others before him had asked why heavy bodies fall; now''', the homogeneity of the earth with the heavenly bodies having suggested that terrestrial motion is a proper subject for exact mathematical study, '''we have the further question raised: how do they fall?''' with the expectation that the answer will be given in mathematical terms.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
* [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]] had taken one course in treating the earth as virtually a celestial body in the [[Aristotle: a Chapter from the History of Science#Ch.7 Aristotle's Physics, Meteorology, and Mechanics|Aristotelian sense]]—a perfect sphere governed by the laws which operated in the higher reaches of the skies. Galileo complemented this by taking now the opposite course—rather treating the heavenly bodies as terrestrial ones, regarding the planets as subject to the very laws which applied to balls sliding down inclined planes. There was something in all this which tended to the reduction of the whole universe to uniform physical laws, and it is clear that the world was coming to be more ready to admit such a view.
** [[Herbert Butterfield]], ''The Origins of Modern Science'' (1949)
* In [[w:Santa Croce, Florence|Santa Croce]]'s holy precincts lie<br />Ashes which make it holier, dust which is<br />Even in itself an immortality,<br />Though there were nothing save the past, and this,<br />The particle of those sublimities<br />Which have relapsed to chaos: here repose<br />[[Michelangelo|Angelo]]'s, [[Vittorio Alfieri|Alfieri]]'s bones, and his,<br />The starry Galileo, with his woes;<br />Here [[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavelli]]'s earth returned to whence it rose.<br /><br />These are four minds, which, like the elements,<br />Might furnish forth creation:—Italy!<br />Time, which hath wronged thee with ten thousand rents<br />Of thine imperial garment, shall deny,<br />And hath denied, to every other sky,<br />Spirits which soar from ruin: thy decay<br />Is still impregnate with divinity,<br />Which gilds it with revivifying ray;<br />Such as the great of yore [[w:Antonio Canova|Canova]] is to-day.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto IV (1818) Stanzas 54-55.
* While [[Simon Stevin|Stevin]] investigated {{w|statics}}, Galileo pursued principally [[w:Dynamics (mechanics)|dynamics]]. Galileo was the first to abandon the [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] idea that bodies descend more quickly in proportion as they are heavier; he established the first [[w:Newton's laws of motion|law of motion]]; determined the laws of falling bodies; and, having obtained a clear notion of acceleration and of the independence of different motions, was able to prove that projectiles move in [[w:Parabola#History|parabolic]] curves. Up to his time it was believed that a cannon-ball moved forward at first in a straight line and then suddenly fell vertically to the ground. Galileo had an understanding of ''{{w|centrifugal force}}s'', and gave a correct definition of ''{{w|momentum}}''. Though he formulated the fundamental principles of statics, known as the ''{{w|parallelogram of force}}s'', yet he did not fully recognise its scope. The principle of virtual velocities was partly conceived by Guido Ubaldo (died 1607), and afterwards more fully by Galileo.
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* Galileo is the founder of the science of dynamics. Among his contemporaries it was chiefly the novelties he detected in the sky that made him celebrated, but [[Joseph Louis Lagrange|Lagrange]] claims that his astronomical discoveries required only a telescope and perseverance, while it took an extraordinary genius to discover laws from phenomena, which we see constantly and of which the true explanation escaped all earlier philosophers. The first contributor to the science of mechanics after Galileo was [[René Descartes|Descartes]].
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* It is impossible to exaggerate the effects of his telescopic discoveries on Galileo's life, so profound were they. Not only is it true of Galileo's personal life and thought, but it equally true of their influence on the history of scientific thought. '''Galileo had the experience of beholding the heavens as they actually are for perhaps the first time''', and wherever he looked he found evidence to support the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] system against the [[Ptolemy|Ptolemaic]], or at least weaken the authority of the ancients. This shattering experience—of observing the depths of the universe, of being the first mortal to know what the heavens are actually like—made so deep an impression... that '''it is only by considering the events of 1609... that one can understand the subsequent direction of his life.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* It is characteristic of Galileo as a scientist of the modern school that '''as soon as he found any kind of phenomenon, he wanted to measure it.''' It is all very well to be told that the telescope discloses that there are mountains on the moon, just as there are mountains on earth. But how much more extraordinary it is, and how much more convincing, to be told that there are mountains on the moon and that they are exactly four miles high! Galileo's determination of the height of the mountains on the moon has withstood the test of time...
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* His conflict with the Catholic Church arose because deep in his heart '''Galileo was a believer.''' There was for him no path of compromise, no way to have separate secular and theological cosmologies. If the Copernican system was true as he believed, what else could Galileo do but fight with every weapon he had in his arsenal... to make his Church accept a new system of the universe. ...In the contrast between Galileo's heroic stand when he tried to reform the cosmological basis of orthodox theology and his humbled, kneeling surrender when he disavowed his Copernicanism, we may sense the tremendous forces attendant on the birth of modern science.
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* The pre-Galilean thinkers were... concerned with motion in the sense used by [[Aristotle]]. For them, "motion" was any process in which there was transmission from any state or condition to another state. Thus the process of aging, the change in a person's degree of wisdom, or the growth in the weight of a boy could all be considered examples of motion. By contrast Galileo was concerned with ''physical'' motion, motion involving a change of place... One of the major kinds of motion that Galileo studied was the motion of free fall.
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* In his founding treatise, the ''Dialogues Concerning Two New Sciences'', Galileo boasted that he was setting forth "a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject." ...No one before him, he declared, had discovered that "the distance traversed, during [successive] equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity."<br />...Galileo's rule can be expressed differently, that the total distance fallen is proportional to the square of the total elapsed time.<br />...he devised an experiment in which he "diluted" gravity, slowing down the motion of falling. For this purpose he used an inclined plane... He allowed a small metal ball to roll down the board at different inclinations, and recorded the distances and times.<br />...Galileo presented the numerical values that he found in his experiments as proof... Thus he could proudly boast of an agreement to within "one-tenth of a pulse beat."
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* [[Alexandre Koyré|Koyré's]] exaltation of the "[[Plato|Platonic]] and [[Pythagoras|Pythagorean]]" elements of the [[w:Scientific revolution|Scientific Revolution]]... was based on a demonstrably false understanding of how Galileo reached his conclusions. Koyré asserted that Galileo merely used experiments as a check on the theories he devised by mathematical reasoning. But later research has definitively established that '''Galileo's experiments ''preceded'' his attempts to give a mathematical account of their results.'''
** [[Clifford D. Conner]], ''A People's History of Science'' (2005)
* For measurements of time he collected and weighed water flowing from a container at a constant rate of about three fluid ounces per second, He recorded weights of water in [[w:Grain (unit)|grains]] and, and defined his time unit, called a ''tempo'', to be the time for 16 grains of water to flow, which was equivalent to 1/92 second. These units were small enough so Galileo's measurements of distance and time always resulted in large numbers. That was a necessity because decimal numbers were not part of his mathematical equipment; the only way he could add [[w:Significant figures|significant digits]] in his calculations was to make the numbers larger.
** William H. Cropper, ''Great Physicists'' (2004)
* Galileo was the first scientist to recognise clearly that the only way to further our understanding of the physical world was to resort to experiment. ...the Greeks, in spite of their proficiency in geometry, never seem to have realised the importance of experiment ([[Democritus]] and [[Archimedes]] excepted). ...an excuse ...can scarcely be put forward when the elementary nature of Galileo's experiments and observations is recalled. Watching a lamp oscillate in the cathedral of Pisa, dropping bodies from the leaning tower of Pisa, rolling balls down inclined planes, noticing the magnifying effect of water in a spherical glass vase... might just as well have been performed by the Greeks.
** A. D'Abro, ''[https://archive.org/details/TheEvolutionOfScientificThought The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein]'' (1927) Forward
* It is to the Italian astronomer, forced in old age by the Inquisition to turn aside from the more dangerous study of the machinery of the heavens, that we owe the first exposition of many of the problems of mechanics and statics, published... in 1638. Not only did Galileo put together whatever the sixteenth century had learned in the sciences affecting building construction, but from his study of the bending strength of a beam there dates a new branch of science—the theory of the [[w:Strength of materials|strength of materials]].
** T. K. Derry & Trevor I. Williams, ''A Short History of Technology: From the Earliest Times to A.D. 1900'' (1960) Ch.5, Building Construction, "Building from the Renaissance to the Eighteenth Century"
* Conclusions obtained by purely rational processes are, so far as Reality is concerned, entirely empty. It was because he recognized this, and especially because he impressed it upon the scientific world that Galileo became the father of modern physics and in fact of the whole of modern natural science.
** [[Albert Einstein]], "On the Method of Theoretical Physics" (Apr., 1934) in ''Philosophy of Science'', Vol. 1, No. 2, [https://www.stmarys-ca.edu/sites/default/files/attachments/files/On_The_Method_of_Theoretical_Physics.pdf pp. 163-169.]
* It has always hurt me to think that Galilei did not acknowledge the work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] … That, alas, is [[vanity]] … You find it in so many scientists.
** [[Albert Einstein]], in an interview with [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], as quoted in ''Coming of Age in the Milky Way'' (1988) by [[w:Timothy Ferris|Timothy Ferris]]
* '''Galileo was no [[idiot]].''' Only an idiot could believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom — that may be [[Necessity|necessary]] in [[religion]], but in [[time]] a scientific result will establish itself.
** [[David Hilbert]], in defense of Galileo's recantation of his discoveries before a tribunal of the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]], as quoted in ''Mathematical Circles Squared : A Third Collection of Mathematical Stories and Anecdotes'' (1972) by Howard Whitley Eves, p. 125
* The beginning of astronomy, except observations, I think is not to be derived from farther time than from [[Nicolaus Copernicus]]; who in the age next preceding the present revived the [[w:Pythagorean astronomical system|opinion of]] [[Pythagoras]], [[w:Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]], and [[Philolaus]]. After him, the doctrine of the motion of the earth being now received, and a difficult question thereupon arising concerning the descent of heavy bodies, '''Galileus''' in our time, striving with that difficulty, '''was the first that opened to us the gate of [[w:Natural philosophy|natural philosophy]] universal, which is the knowledge of the nature of ''motion''.''' So that neither can the age of natural philosophy be reckoned higher than to him.
** [[Thomas Hobbes]], ''The English Works of Thomas Hobbes of Malmesbury'' (1839) ed. Sir William Molesworth, [http://books.google.com/books?id=1WY6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 1], p. vii
* A light was kindled amongst the investigators of nature when Galilei let balls of a definite weight roll down the inclined plane. For they saw that they only understand what is produced according to a predetermined plan or hypothesis... for otherwise planless observations made according to no ideas could never be brought into the form of a law which reason demands and seeks. ...Thus physics was brought into the position of a certain science after groping about blindly for so many hundred years.
** [[Immanuel Kant]], Preface, ''Critique of Pure Reason'' (1787) 2nd edition, as quoted by {{w|J. W. A. Hickson}}, "Francis Bacon and Galileo Galilei" (A Comparison of Methods) in ''The {{w|McGill University}} Magazine'' (Dec. 1905) Vol. 5, No. 1, [https://books.google.com/books?id=DVImAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA260 p. 260], footnote 2.
* Copernicus, Kepler and Galileo were ‘revisionists’ in rejecting the geocentric system of Ptolemy (which held sway for some 1500 years) and, against an oppressive and repressive mainstream opinion (and officialdom), reinstated—with improvements—the heliocentric system of Aristarchos of Samos (3rd cent BCE).
**Kazanas, N. (2002). Indigenous Indo-Aryans and the Rigveda: Indo-Aryan migration debate. Journal of Indo-European Studies, 30(3-4), 275-334.
* Galileo's program offers us a dead world: Out go sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, and along with them have since gone esthetic and ethical sensibility, values, quality, soul, consciousness, spirit. Experience as such is cast out of the realm of scientific discourse. Hardly anything has changed our world more during the past four hundred years than Galileo's audacious program. We had to destroy the world in theory before we could destroy it in practice.
** [[R. D. Laing]], as quoted by [[Fritjof Capra]], ''Uncommon Wisdom'' (1988)
* Galileo deduced the laws of freely falling bodies and the parabolic paths of projectiles, initiating an era of applications of mathematics to physics. In his book ''Two New Sciences'', he used [[w:Cavalieri's principle|indivisible methods]] to study the motion of a falling body, and he planned, but never wrote, an entire book on indivisibles.
** Reinhard Labenbacher, David Pengelley, ''Mathematical Expeditions: Chronicles by the Explorers'' (1999)
* '''The first mathematician to consider the nature of the resistance of solids to rupture was Galileo.''' Although he treated solids as inelastic, not being in possession of any law connecting the displacements produced with the forces producing them, or of any physical hypothesis capable of yielding such a law, yet '''his enquiries gave the direction which was subsequently followed by many investigators.'''
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) [https://books.google.com/books?id=l8YJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA2 p. 2.]
* '''He endeavoured to determine the resistance of a beam, one end of which is built into a wall, when the tendency to break it arises from its own or an applied weight'''; and he concluded that the beam tends to turn about an axis perpendicular to its length, and in the plane of the wall. '''This problem''', and, in particular, the determination of this axis '''is known as Galileo's problem.'''<!-- p. 2-->
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) p. 2.
* History can be helpful in making sense of the world we live in. It can also be fascinating, even fun. How can even the best [[novelist]] or [[Theatre|playwright]] invent someone like [[Augustus Caesar]] or [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine the Great]], Galileo or [[Florence Nightingale]]? How can screenwriters create better [[action]] stories or human [[Drama|dramas]] than exist, thousand upon thousand, throughout the many centuries of recorded history? There is a thirst out there both for [[knowledge]] and to be [[Entertainment|entertained]], and the [[market]] has responded with enthusiasm.
** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008)
* Galileo's comprehension of the concept of acceleration, which he defined as a change of velocity either in magnitude or direction... was an abstract idea that no one seems to have thought much about before. And in using it to test the still accepted [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] precept that a moving object requires a force to maintain it, Galileo easily demonstrated that it is not motion but rather acceleration which cannot occur without an external force. Deliberately rejecting common sense as a prejudiced witness, he let nature herself speak in the form of a "hard, smooth and very round ball" rolling down a "very straight" ideal groove lined with polished parchment, and then rolling up another groove, clocking each roll "hundreds or times"... he showed that, while downward motion (helped by gravity force) makes speed increase and upward motion (hindered by gravity force) makes speed decrease, there is always a "boundary case" in between... where speed remains constant (without any appreciable force)—and that, by reducing friction, this boundary case can be made to approach a horizontal level where gravity has no effect. Similarly testing... he also drafted a law of falling bodies: "that the distances traversed, during equal intervals of time... stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity." And his beautiful analysis of a cannonball's trajectory into horizontal and vertical components... was one day to be of enormous help to [[Isaac Newton]] in solving the riddle of gravity.
** [[w:Guy Murchie|Guy Murchie]], ''Music of the Spheres'' (1961)
*Galileo Galilei was the greatest writer in Italian literature: that's not me saying it, it's [[w:Italo Calvino|Italo Calvino]].
:*[[Piergiorgio Odifreddi]], ''il Venerdì di Repubblica'', 23 October 2009.
* It was in Galileo's time that firearms were invented... What is the path of a cannonball? ...Characteristically, Galileo was engrossed with the problem; characteristically, he solved it. The outcome of his ingenuity we know today as the method of superposition.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.100-->
* How do heavy bodies fall? ...Galileo's investigation of dynamics was physical; [[Aristotle|Aristotle's]] was metaphysical. But unlike Galileo, we have the additional convenience of algebraic notation. Had it been invented in his day he would certainly have known it; almost certainly he would have been able to push his development of dynamics much farther.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.85-->
*Galileo's head was on the block... The crime was looking up for [[truth]]... And then you had to bring up [[reincarnation]]... How long 'til my soul gets it right... Can any human being ever reach that kind of light... I call on the resting [[soul]] of Galileo... King of night [[vision]], king of [[insight]]... I'm not making a joke, you know me...I take everything so seriously... If we wait for the time 'til all souls get it right... Then at least I know there'll be no [[Nuclear war|nuclear annihilation]]... Can any human being ever reach the highest light... Except for Galileo — God rest his soul... Except for the resting soul of Galileo... King of night vision, king of insight.
**[[Indigo Girls|Emily Saliers]] in the song, “Galileo” (lead single of the [[Indigo Girls]] fourth album, a minor crossover pop hit in the US in August 1992, [https://genius.com/Indigo-girls-galileo-lyrics ''Genius''] (12 May 1992)
* '''If Galileo had been willing to face the idea of a plurality of worlds, instead of resting on that of the Sun as the natural "centre of things," he might have been impelled to develop his system in the [[Isaac Newton|Newtonian]] sense.''' ...The position of the satellites in the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] scheme proved the existence of a multiplicity of centers. But the way that led from there was fraught with danger.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* The allusion to the "puzzling" problem of [the orbit of] Mars shows that Galileo ought not to have been unaware of the great work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] published in 1609: ''Astronomia nova''... in which the first two of Kepler's laws were formulated. Yet he does not mention here at all Kepler's success in solving the problem, nor his laws, nor his name even, which is brought up... only to criticize his belief in the Moon's attraction [effect upon tides], which is quite reasonably presented in the ''Astronomia nova'' and founded on astronomical reasons and not on mystical speculations.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* '''To give us the science of motion God and Nature have joined hands and created the intellect of Galileo.'''
** [[w:Paolo Sarpi|Paolo Sarpi]], Editor's Preface to ''Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences'' by Galileo (1638) Crew and De Salvio translation (1914)
* The old Greek philosophy, which in Europe in the later middle ages was synonymous with the works of [[Aristotle]], considered motion as a thing for which a cause must be found: a velocity required a force to produce and to maintain it. '''The great discovery of Galileo was that not velocity, but acceleration requires a force'''. This is the law of inertia of which the real content is: the natural phenomena are described by differential equations of the second order.
** [[Willem de Sitter]], The Astronomical Aspect of the Theory of Relativity (1933)
* [T]he mathematical habit of mind and the mathematical procedure... had to be generated; otherwise [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] could never have thought of a formula representing the force between ''any'' two masses at ''any'' distance. ...Throughout the middle ages, under the influence of [[Aristotle]], the science was entirely misconceived. '''Newton had the advantage of coming after a series of great men, notably [[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]]... who in the previous two centuries had reconstructed the science and had invented the right way of thinking about it.''' He completed their work.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''An Introduction to Mathematics'' (1911) [https://books.google.com/books?id=1m1TOFIKNIMC&pg=PA29 pp. 29-30.]
* The way in which the persecution of Galileo has been remembered is a tribute to the quiet commencement of the most intimate change in outlook which the human race had yet encountered. Since a babe was born in a manger, it may be doubted whether so great a thing has happened with so little stir.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''Science and the Modern World'' (1925)
* The worst that happened to men of science was that Galileo suffered an honorable detention and a mild reproof, before dying peacefully in his bed.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], in ''The Mathematics Teacher'', Vol. 45 (1952), p. 182
* In Galileo's time, professors of philosophy and theology—the subjects were inseparable—produced grand discourses on the nature of reality... all based on sophisticated metaphysical arguments. Meanwhile, Galileo measured how fast balls roll down inclined planes. How mundane! But the learned discourses, while grand, were vague. Galileo's investigations were clear and precise. The old metaphysics never progressed, while Galileo's work bore abundant, and at length spectacular, fruit. Galileo too cared about the big questions, but he realized that getting the genuine answers requires patience and humility before the facts.
** [[Frank Wilczek]], ''The Lightness of Being'' (2008)
*How does the world recognizes England, the United Kingdom, as the country that gave birth to the modern age? It was not [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] but Galilei who opened the [[w:modern age|Moderna age]].
**[[Antonino Zichichi]]. As quoted in Carlo Passarello, ''[https://livesicilia.it/2013/02/07/zichichi-ars-sicilia/ La "prima volta" di Zichichi e all'Ars si parla di Archimede]'' (in Italian, February 7, 2013)
*As a believing scientist [...] it is my deep conviction that it is our task to search nature and the universe, as Galileo Galilei, the father of modern science, did, for the footprints of God.
**[[w:Antonino Zichichi|Antonino Zichichi]], ''[https://www.raicultura.it/filosofia/articoli/2024/03/Dio-La-scienza-le-prove----15bac320-af08-439b-9b91-c382811f2390.html Dio. La scienza, le prove]'', [[w:RAI|RAI]] Cultura, 2024
When I met John Paul II, I felt that history was offering us a unique opportunity: to heal a rift that had divided science and faith for centuries.
:'''I explained to the Pope what the scientific world had known for some time—that the condemnation of [[Galileo Galilei]] was a human error, not a contradiction of the Truth.'''
:The Church had punished a man who, with extraordinary humility and rigor, had opened the Book of Nature to humanity.
:I spoke with John Paul II about the need to officially acknowledge that wrong, not to rewrite the past, but to give strength to the future: a future in which science and faith could return to dialogue, united in the search for Truth.
:The Pope listened to me attentively, with the profound spiritual intelligence that characterized him.
:'''It was thanks to his courage and openness that the Church, after centuries, found the strength to ask for [[forgiveness]] and to embrace Science once again.'''
:It was a gesture that marked not only the history of the Church, but that of all humanity.
:*From a [https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1ANriRxcXx/ post] in the official Facebook profile of [[Antonino Zichichi]] (December 15, 2025). URL archived on [https://archive.is/wip/W1Dv7 December 21, 2025].
== Notes and references==
{{reflist}}
==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline|Author:Galileo Galilei}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
* [http://www.galilean-library.org/hps.html The Galileo Affair] by Paul Newall.
* [http://www.cslewis.org/journal/?p=10 Conflict or Cooperation] by Robert C. Fay
* [http://galileo.rice.edu/ The Galileo Project] at [[w:Rice University|Rice University]]
* [http://www.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/Galileo_Prototype/MAIN.HTM Electronic representation of Galilei's notes on motion (MS. 72)]
* [http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft0401/reviews/barr From Myth to History and Back] - Reviews of two books on Galileo
* [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/galileo/ PBS Nova Online: ''Galileo's Battle for the Heavens'']
* [http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/andrew_white/Chapter3.html ''The Warfare of Science With Theology'' by Andrew Dickson White, Ch. 3, dealing with the conflicts of Galileo with theological dogma]
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[[Category:Physicists from Italy]]
[[Category:1564 births]]
[[Category:1642 deaths]]
[[Category:Natural philosophers]]
[[Category:Engineers from Italy]]
[[Category:Mathematicians from Italy]]
[[Category:Inventors]]
[[Category:Latin authors]]
[[Category:Catholics from Italy]]
[[Category:People from Tuscany]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Italy]]
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[[File:Galilee.jpg|thumb|right|I do not feel [[obliged]] to [[believe]] that the same [[God]] who has endowed us with [[senses]], [[reason]], and [[intellect]] had intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us [[knowledge]] which we can attain by them.]]
'''[[w:Galileo Galilei|Galileo di Vincenzo Bonaiuti de' Galilei]]''' ([[15 February]] [[1564]] – [[8 January]] [[1642]]) was an [[w:Italians|Italian]] [[w:astronomer|astronomer]], [[w:physicist|physicist]], [[w:engineer|engineer]], [[w:philosopher|philosopher]], and [[w:mathematician|mathematician]] who played a major role in the [[w:Scientific Revolution|scientific revolution]] during the [[Renaissance]].
==Quotes ==
[[File:Jupiter-moons.jpg|thumb|right|My dear [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]], what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?]]
[[File:Dan Hershman - heart shaped sunspot (by) (1).jpg|thumb|right|The modern observations deprive all former writers of any [[authority]], since if they had seen what we see, they would have [[judged]] as we judge.]]
[[File:Galileo Galilei, 1564-1642 RMG BHC2699.tiff|thumb|right|You cannot [[teach]] a man anything, you can only [[help]] him to find it within himself.]]
[[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|[[Philosophy]] is written in that great [[book]] which ever lies before our eyes — I mean the [[universe]] — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the [[language]] and grasp the symbols, in which it is written.]]
[[File:Port wine.jpg|thumb|right|A mixture of moisture and light.]]
[[File:Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 Approaching Jupiter in 1994.jpg|thumb|right|All [[truths]] are easy to [[understand]] once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.]]
===''[[w:Sidereus Nuncius|Sidereus Nuncius]]'' (Venice, 1609)===
* ''Quòd tertio loca à nobis fuit obſeruatum, eſt ipſiuſmet LACTEI Circuli eſſentia, ſeu materies, quam Perſpicilli beneficio adeò ad ſenſum licet intueri, vt & altercationes omnes, quæ per tot ſæcula Philoſophos excrucia runt ab oculata certitudine dirimantur, nosque à verboſis dſputationibus liberemur.''
** What was observed by us in the third place is the nature or matter of the Milky Way itself, which, with the aid of the spyglass, may be observed so well that all the disputes that for so many generations have vexed philosophers are '''destroyed by visible certainty''', and we are '''liberated from wordy arguments'''.
*** Original text as reproduced in Edward Tufte, ''Beautiful Evidence'' (Cheshire, Connecticut: Graphics Press LLC, 2006), 101 (p. 3 of 4, insert between pp. 16V & 17R. Original manuscript renders the "q" in "nosque" with acute accent.)
*** Translation by Albert Van Helden in ''Sidereus Nuncius'' (Chicago, 1989), 62
* Revealing great, unusual, and remarkable spectacles, opening these to the consideration of every man, and especially of [[Philosophy|philosophers]] and [[Astronomy|astronomers]]; as observed by Galileo Galilei, Gentleman of [[Florence]], Professor of [[Mathematics]] in the [[w:University_of_Padua|University of Padua]], with the aid of a spyglass lately invented by him, in the surface of [[Moon|the Moon]], in innumerable fixed [[stars]], in nebulae, and above all in four [[Planet|planets]] swiftly revolving about [[Jupiter]] at differing distances and periods, and known to no one before the author recently perceived them and decided they should be named the [[w:Galilean moons|Medicean Stars]]
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* About ten months ago a report reached my ears that a certain Fleming had constructed a spyglass by means of which visible objects, though very distant from the eye of the observer, were distinctly seen as if nearby. Of the truly remarkable effect several experiences were related, to which some persons gave credence while others denied them. A few days later a report was confirmed to me in a letter from a noble [[Frenchmen|Frenchman]] in [[Paris]], [[w:Giacomo Badoer|Jacques Badovere]], which caused me to apply myself wholeheartedly to inquire into means by which I might arrive at the invention of a similar instrument. This I did shortly afterwards, my basis being the theory of [[w:Refraction|refraction]]. First I prepared a tube of lead, at the ends I fitted two [[glass]] lenses, both plane on one side while on the other side one was spherically convex and the other concave. Then placing my eye near the concave lens I perceived objects satisfactorily large and near, for they appeared three times closer and nine times larger than when seen with the naked eye alone. Next I constructed another one, more accurate, which represented objects as enlarged more than sixty times. Finally, sparing neither labor nor expense, I succeeded in constructing for myself so excellent an instrument that objects seen by means of it appeared nearly one thousand times larger and over thirty times closer than when regarded with our natural vision.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* Surely it is a great thing to increase the numerous host of fixed stars previously visible to the unaided [[vision]], adding countless more which have never before been seen, exposing these plainly to the eye in numbers ten times exceeding the old and familiar stars.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
===[http://www.heritage-history.com/www/heritage.php?Dir=books&MenuItem=display&author=gibson&book=scientists&story=letter Letter to Benedetto Castelli] (1613) ===
*"It seems to me that it was well said by Madama Serenissima, and insisted on by your reverence, that '''the [[The Bible|Holy Scripture]] cannot err, and that the decrees therein contained are absolutely true and inviolable.''' But I should have in your place added that, though Scripture cannot err, '''its expounders and interpreters are liable to err in many ways'''; and one error in particular would be most grave and most frequent, if we always stopped short at the literal signification of the words."
=== [[w:Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina|Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina]] (1615) ===
:<small> [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/galileo-tuscany.html Essay published in 1615], in response to enquiries of [[w:Christina of Lorraine|Christina of Tuscany]], as quoted in ''Aspects of Western Civilization: Problems and Sources in History'' (1988) by Perry McAdow Rogers, p. 53</small>
* '''Some years ago, as Your Serene Highness well knows, I discovered in the heavens many things that had not been seen before our own age.''' The novelty of these things, as well as some consequences which followed from them in contradiction to the physical notions commonly held among academic philosophers, stirred up against me no small number of professors — as if I had placed these things in the sky with my own hands in order to upset nature and overturn the sciences. They seemed to forget that '''the increase of known truths stimulates the investigation, establishment, and growth of the arts; not their diminution or destruction.'''<!-- ¶1 -->
* '''The passage of time has revealed to everyone the truths that I previously set forth; and, together with the truth of the facts, there has come to light the great difference in attitude between those who simply and dispassionately refused to admit the discoveries to be true, and those who combined with their incredulity some reckless passion of their own.''' Men who were well grounded in astronomical and physical [[science]] were persuaded as soon as they received my first message. There were others who denied them or remained in doubt only because of their novel and unexpected character, and because they had not yet had the opportunity to see for themselves. These men have by degrees come to be satisfied. But some, besides allegiance to their original error, possess I know not what fanciful interest in remaining hostile not so much toward the things in question as toward their discoverer. No longer being able to deny them, these men now take refuge in obstinate silence, but being more than ever exasperated by that which has pacified and quieted other men, they divert their thoughts to other fancies and seek new ways to damage me.<!-- ¶4 -->
* Persisting in their original resolve to destroy me and everything mine by any means they can think of, these men are aware of my views in astronomy and philosophy. They know that as to the arrangement of the parts of the [[universe]], I hold the [[sun]] to be situated motionless in the center of the revolution of the celestial orbs while the [[earth]] revolves about the sun. They know also that I support this position not only by refuting the arguments of [[Ptolemy]] and [[Aristotle]], but by producing many counter-arguments; in particular, some which relate to physical effects whose causes can perhaps be assigned in no other way. In addition there are astronomical arguments derived from many things in my new celestial discoveries that plainly confute the Ptolemaic system while admirably agreeing with and confirming the contrary hypothesis.<!-- ¶6 -->
** Variant translation: I hold that the Sun is located at the centre of the revolutions of the heavenly orbs and does not change place, and that the Earth rotates on itself and moves around it. Moreover … I confirm this view not only by refuting Ptolemy's and Aristotle's arguments, but also by producing many for the other side, especially some pertaining to physical effects whose causes perhaps cannot be determined in any other way, and other astronomical discoveries; these discoveries clearly confute the Ptolemaic system, and they agree admirably with this other position and confirm it.
* To this end they make a shield of their hypocritical zeal for religion. They go about invoking the Bible, which they would have minister to their deceitful purposes. Contrary to the sense of the Bible and the intention of the holy Fathers, if I am not mistaken, they would extend such authorities until even in purely physical matters — where faith is not involved — they would have us altogether abandon reason and the evidence of our senses in favor of some biblical passage, though under the surface meaning of its words this passage may contain a different sense.<!-- ¶10 -->
* [[Copernicus]] never discusses matters of [[religion]] or [[faith]], nor does he use argument that depend in any way upon the authority of sacred writings which he might have interpreted erroneously. ... He did not ignore the Bible, but he knew very well that if his doctrine were proved, then it could not contradict the Scriptures when they were rightly understood.<!-- ¶11 -->
* '''Nature … is inexorable and immutable; she never transgresses the laws imposed upon her, or cares a whit whether her abstruse reasons and methods of operation are understandable to men.''' For that reason it appears that nothing physical which sense-experience sets before our eyes, or which necessary demonstrations prove to us, ought to be called in question (much less condemned) upon the testimony of biblical passages which may have some different meaning beneath their words. For the Bible is not chained in every expression to conditions as strict as those which govern all physical effects; nor is God any less excellently revealed in [[Nature]]'s actions than in the sacred statements of the Bible.<!-- ¶18 -->
* '''I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us knowledge which we can attain by them.'''<!-- ¶22 -->
* I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree [probably [[w:Caesar Baronius|Caesar Baronius]]]: '''"The intention of the Holy Ghost is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how heaven goes."'''<!-- ¶25 -->
** Variant translation: I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree: "That the intention of the Holy Spirit is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how the heavens go."
===''[[w:Il Saggiatore|Il Saggiatore]]'' (1623)===
* Philosophy is written in this grand book, which stands continually open before our eyes (I say the 'Universe'), but can not be understood without first learning to comprehend the language and know the characters as it is written. It is written in mathematical language, and its characters are triangles, circles and other geometric figures, without which it is impossible to humanly understand a word; without these one is wandering in a dark labyrinth.
** From Italian: ''La filosofia è scritta in questo grandissimo libro che continuamente ci sta aperto innanzi a gli occhi (io dico l'universo), ma non si può intendere se prima non s'impara a intender la lingua, e conoscer i caratteri, ne' quali è scritto. Egli è scritto in lingua matematica, e i caratteri son triangoli, cerchi, ed altre figure geometriche, senza i quali mezi è impossibile a intenderne umanamente parola; senza questi è un aggirarsi vanamente per un oscuro laberinto.'' (cap. 6, p. [[s:it:Pagina:Le opere di Galileo Galilei VI.djvu/238|232]])
** Other translations:
*** '''Philosophy is written in that great book which ever lies before our eyes — I mean the universe — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the language and grasp the symbols, in which it is written.''' This book is written in the mathematical language, and the symbols are triangles, circles, and other geometrical figures, without whose help it is impossible to comprehend a single word of it; without which one wanders in vain through a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/64 ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science''] (1925) by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], p. 64 <ref>In the [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/n7 Preface], Burtt states "I must accept responsibility for the translations of … Galileo (except his Dialogues Concerning the Two Great Systems of the World and Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences, where I have used the translations noted)" (p. v-vi), implying Burtt is the author of this translation.</ref>
*** '''Philosophy is written in this grand book — I mean the universe — which stands continually open to our gaze, but it cannot be understood unless one first learns to comprehend the language in which it is written.''' It is written in the language of mathematics, and its characters are triangles, circles, and other geometric figures, without which it is humanly impossible to understand a single word of it; without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in ''The Philosophy of the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries'' (1966) by Richard Henry Popkin, p. 65
===Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1624)===
:<small>Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1578-1649), as translated in ''Galileo at Work: His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 294</small>
[[File:Water drop 001.jpg |thumb|right|A bucketful of [[water]] raised on high and set [[free]], returns to the [[sea]]; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?]]
* Whence do you have it that the terrestrial globe is so heavy? For my part, either I do not know what heaviness is, or the terrestrial globe is neither heavy nor light, as likewise all other globes of the universe. Heaviness to me (and I believe to Nature) is that innate tendency by which a body resists being moved from its natural place and by which, when forcibly removed therefrom, it spontaneously returns there. Thus '''a bucketful of water raised on high and set free, returns to the sea; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?'''
* I tell you that if natural bodies have it from Nature to be moved by any movement, this can only be circular motion, nor is it possible that Nature has given to any of its integral bodies a propensity to be moved by straight motion. I have many confirmations of this proposition, but for the present one alone suffices, which is this. I suppose the parts of the universe to be in the best arrangement, so that none is out of its place, which is to say that Nature and God have perfectly arranged their structure. This being so, it is impossible for those parts to have it from Nature to be moved in straight, or in other than circular motion, because what moves straight changes place, and if it changes place naturally, then it was at first in a place preternatural to it, which goes against the supposition. Therefore, if the parts of the world are well ordered, straight motion is superfluous and not natural, and they can only have it when some body is forcibly removed from its natural place, to which it would then return by a straight line, for thus it appears that a part of the earth does [move] when separated from its whole. I said "it appears to us," because I am not against thinking that not even for such an effect does Nature make use of straight line motion.
** A note on this statement is included by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in his ''Galileo at Work, His Scientific Biography'' (1981): ''Galileo adhered to this position in his ''Dialogue'' at least as to the "integral bodies of the universe." by which he meant stars and planets, here called "parts of the universe." But he did not attempt to explain the planetary motions on any mechanical basis, nor does this argument from "best arrangement" have any bearing on inertial motion, which to Galileo was indifference to motion and rest and not a tendency to move, either circularly or straight.''
=== ''[[w:Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems|Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems]]'' (1632)===
:<small> A dialogue between fictional characters Sagredo (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Giovanni Francesco Sagredo|Giovanni Francesco Sagredo]]), Salviati (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Filippo Salviati|Filippo Salviati]]) and Simplicio (named after long dead philosopher [[w:Simplicius of Cilicia|Simplicius of Cilicia]]), from the translations by [[w:Stilman Drake|Stilman Drake]] (1953), unless otherwise noted.</small>
:<small>See also ''[[The Systeme of the World: in Four Dialogues]]'', Thomas Salusbury's translation of ''Dialogo sopra i due Massimi Sistemi del Mondo'' (1632)</small>
[[File:Galileos Dialogue Title Page.png|thumb|To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest [[beginnings]], is no task for ordinary [[minds]]; to divine that wonderful [[arts]] lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for [[superhuman]] [[talents]].]]
[[File:Orangen.jpg|thumb|right|If there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of [[gold]] just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant [[flowers]], and fine [[fruit]].]]
[[File:Earth-Moon System.jpg|thumb|right|If you could see the [[earth]] illuminated when you were in a place as [[dark]] as [[night]], it would look to you more splendid than the [[moon]].]]
[[File:Pływy morskie.svg|thumb|right|Among all the [[great]] [[men]] who have [[philosophized]] about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute [[mind]], and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the [[earth]], he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the [[moon]]'s dominion over the [[waters]], to occult properties, and to such puerilities.]]
* It always seems to me extreme rashness on the part of some when they want to make human [[abilities]] the measure of what nature can do. On the contrary, there is not a single effect in nature, even the least that exists, such that the most ingenious theorists can arrive at a complete understanding of it. This vain presumption of understanding everything can have no other basis than never understanding anything. For anyone who had experienced just once the perfect understanding of one single thing, and had truly tasted how knowledge is accomplished, would recognize that of the [[infinity]] of other truths he understands nothing.
** Day One
* To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest beginnings, is no task for ordinary minds; to divine that wonderful arts lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for superhuman talents.
* I cannot without great astonishment — I might say without great insult to my [[intelligence]] — hear it attributed as a prime perfection and nobility of the natural and integral bodies of the universe that they are invariant, immutable, inalterable, etc., while on the other hand it is called a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, mutable, etc. For my part I consider the earth very noble and admirable precisely because of the diverse alterations, changes, generations, etc. that occur in it incessantly. If, not being subject to any changes, it were a vast desert of sand or a mountain of jasper, or if at the time of the flood the waters which covered it had frozen, and it had remained an enormous globe of ice where nothing was ever born or ever altered or changed, I should deem it a useless lump in the universe, devoid of activity and, in a word, superfluous and essentially non-existent. This is exactly the difference between a living animal and a dead one; and I say the same of the moon, of Jupiter, and of all other world globes. {{pb}} The deeper I go in considering the vanities of popular reasoning, the lighter and more foolish I find them. What greater stupidity can be imagined than that of calling jewels, silver, and gold "precious," and earth and soil "base"? People who do this ought to remember that if there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of gold just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant flowers, and fine fruit. It is scarcity and plenty that make the vulgar take things to be precious or worthless; they call a diamond very beautiful because it is like pure water, and then would not exchange one for ten barrels of water. Those who so greatly exalt incorruptibility, inalterability, etc. are reduced to talking this way, I believe, by their great desire to go on living, and by the terror they have of death. They do not reflect that if men were immortal, they themselves would never have come into the world. Such men really deserve to encounter a Medusa's head which would transmute them into statues of jasper or of diamond, and thus make them more perfect than they are.
** Sagredo
** Variant translation: I cannot without great wonder, nay more, disbelief, hear it being attributed to natural bodies as a great honor and perfection that they are impassable, immutable, inalterable, etc.: as conversely, I hear it esteemed a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, and mutable. It is my opinion that the earth is very noble and admirable by reason of the many and different alterations, mutations, and generations which incessantly occur in it. And if, without being subject to any alteration, it had been one great heap of sand, or a mass of jade, or if, since the time of the deluge, the waters freezing which covered it, it had continued an immense globe of crystal, wherein nothing had ever grown, altered, or changed, I should have esteemed it a wretched lump of no benefit to the Universe, a mass of idleness, and in a word superfluous, exactly as if it had never been in Nature. The difference for me would be the same as between a living and a dead creature. I say the same concerning the Moon, Jupiter, and all the other globes of the Universe. <br> The more I delve into the consideration of the vanity of popular discourses, the more empty and simple I find them. What greater folly can be imagined than to call gems, silver, and gold noble, and earth and dirt base? For do not these persons consider that if there were as great a scarcity of earth as there is of jewels and precious metals, there would be no king who would not gladly give a heap of diamonds and rubies and many ingots of gold to purchase only so much earth as would suffice to plant a jessamine in a little pot or to set a tangerine in it, that he might see it sprout, grow up, and bring forth such goodly leaves, fragrant flowers, and delicate fruit? It is scarcity and plenty that makes things esteemed and despised by the vulgar, who will say that there is a most beautiful diamond, for it resembles a clear water, and yet would not part from it for ten tons of water. These men who so extol incorruptibility, inalterability, and so on, speak thus, I believe, out of the great desire they have to live long and for fear of death, not considering that, if men had been immortal, they would not have come into the world. These people deserve to meet with a Medusa's head that would transform them into statues of diamond and jade, that so they might become more perfect than they are.
*** Part of this passage, in Italian, ''I detrattori della corruptibilitá meriterebber d'esser cangiati in statue.'', has also ben translated into English as "Detractors of corruptibility deserve being turned into statues."
**** [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/le_opere_di_galileo_galilei_edizione_nazionale_sotto_gli_etc/pdf/le_ope_p.pdf ''Dialogo sopra i due massimi sistemi del mondo.'' (PDF)], Le Opere di Galileo Galilei vol. VII, pg. 58.
**** Compare [[Maimonides]] "If man were never subject to change there could be no generation; there would be one single being..." [[Maimonides#Guide_for_the_Perplexed_.28c._1190.29|''Guide for the Perplexed'' (c. 1190)]]
* If what we are discussing were a point of [[law]] or of the [[humanities]], in which neither true nor false exists, one might trust in subtlety of mind and readiness of tongue and in the greater experience of the writers, and expect him who excelled in those things to make his reasoning most plausible, and one might judge it to be the best. But in the natural sciences, whose conclusions are true and necessary and have nothing to do with human will, one must take care not to place oneself in the defense of error; for here a thousand Demostheneses and a thousand Aristotles would be left in the lurch by every mediocre wit who happened to hit upon the truth for himself. Therefore, Simplicio, give up this idea and this hope of yours that there may be men so much more learned, erudite, and well-read than the rest of us as to be able to make that which is false become true in defiance of nature.
**Salviati, p. 61
* If you could see the earth illuminated when you were in a place as dark as night, it would look to you more splendid than the moon.
**Salviati, p. 88
* In the long run my observations have convinced me that some men, reasoning preposterously, first establish some conclusion in their minds which, either because of its being their own or because of their having received it from some person who has their entire confidence, impresses them so deeply that one finds it impossible ever to get it out of their heads. Such arguments in support of their fixed idea as they hit upon themselves or hear set forth by others, no matter how simple and stupid these may be, gain their instant acceptance and applause. On the other hand whatever is brought forward against it, however ingenious and conclusive, they receive with disdain or with hot rage — if indeed it does not make them ill. Beside themselves with passion, some of them would not be backward even about scheming to suppress and silence their adversaries.
**p. 322
* Among all the great men who have philosophized about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute mind, and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the earth, he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the moon's dominion over the waters, to occult properties, and to such [[wiktionary:puerility|puerilities]].
** In regard to Kepler's belief of the moon affecting the tides of the Earth, p. 328
* The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.
** Loose paraphrase of Salviati on [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/dialogue3.html Day 3]: "For when the sun draws up some vapors here, or warms a plant there, it draws these and warms this as if it had nothing else to do. Even in ripening a bunch of grapes, or perhaps just a single grape, it applies itself so effectively that it could not do more even if the goal of all its affairs were just the ripening of this one grape."
* Of such are the mathematical sciences alone; that is, [[geometry]] and [[arithmetic]], in which the Divine intellect indeed knows infinitely more propositions, since it knows all. But with regard to those few which the human intellect does understand, I believe its knowledge equals the Divine in objective certainty, for here it succeeds in understanding necessity, beyond which there can be no greater sureness.
** In the 1661 translation by [[w:Thomas Salusbury|Thomas Salusbury]]: … such are the pure Mathematical sciences, to wit, Geometry and Arithmetick: in which Divine Wisdom knows infinite more propositions, because it knows them all; but I believe that the knowledge of those few comprehended by humane understanding, equalleth the divine, as to the certainty objectivè, for that it arriveth to comprehend the necessity thereof, than which there can be no greater certainty." p. 92 (from the [http://archimedes.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/cgi-bin/toc/toc.cgi?page=92;dir=galil_syste_065_en_1661;step=textonly Archimedes Project])
** In the original Italian: … tali sono le scienze matematiche pure, cioè la geometria e l’aritmetica, delle quali l’intelletto divino ne sa bene infinite proposizioni di piú, perché le sa tutte, ma di quelle poche intese dall’intelletto umano credo che la cognizione agguagli la divina nella certezza obiettiva, poiché arriva a comprenderne la necessità, sopra la quale non par che possa esser sicurezza maggiore." (from the copy at the [[wikisource:it:Dialogo_sopra_i_due_massimi_sistemi_del_mondo_tolemaico_e_copernicano/Giornata_prima|Italian Wikisource]]).
* I cannot sufficiently admire the eminence of those men's wits, that have received and held it to be true, and with the sprightliness of their judgments offered such violence to their own senses, as that they have been able to prefer that which their reason dictated to them, to that which sensible experiments represented most manifestly to the contrary. ...I cannot find any bounds for my admiration, how that reason was able in [[Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]] and [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]], to commit such a [[rape]] on their senses, as in despite thereof to make herself mistress of their credulity.
** Thomas Salusbury translation (1661) p. 301 as quoted by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
=== Letter to Fr. Vincenzo Renieri (''c''. 1633) ===
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Facade - Galileo.JPG|thumb|right|Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition!]]
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Overview.jpg|thumb|right|I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.]]
:<small> Letter to Galileo's "intimate friend and disciple, the Father [[w:Vincentio Reinieri|Vincenzo Renieri]]" (1606-1647), who was chair of the mathematics department at the [[w:University of Pisa|University of Pisa]] from 1640 to 1647, as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?vid=0L0sP_8IL8mQL8Gy&id=gglJssJIjIwC&pg=RA2-PA242&printsec=8&dq=%22a+selection+from+italian+prose+writers%22 ''A Selection from Italian Prose Writers: with a double translation: for the use of students of the Italian language on the Hamiltonian system'' (1828)]</small>
* After the publication of my dialogues, I was summoned to Rome by the [[w:Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith|Congregation of the holy Office]], where, being arrived on the 10th of February 1633, I was subjected to the infinite clemency of that tribunal, and of the Sovereign Pontiff, [[w:Pope Urban VIII|Urban the Eighth]]; who, notwithstanding, thought me deserving of his esteem.
** pp. 145–146
* I am certainly interested in a tribunal in which, for having used my reason, I was deemed little less than a [[w:Heresy|heretic]]. Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition! But they behave to me in order that I may become the ''ignoramus and the fool of Italy''...
** p. 244
* I was obliged to retract, like a good Catholic, this opinion of mine; and as a punishment my dialogue was prohibited; and after five months being dismissed from Rome (at the time that the city of [[w:Florence|Florence]] was infected with [[w:Plague|plague]]), the habitation which with generous pity was assigned to me, was that of the dearest friend I had in [[w:Siena|Siena]], Monsignor the Archbishop [[w:Ascanio II Piccolomini|Piccolomini]], whose most agreeable conversation I enjoyed with such quite and satisfaction of mind, that having there resumed my studies, I discovered and demonstrated a great number on the mechanical conclusions on the resistance of solids … after about five months, the pestilence having ceased, the confinement of that house was changed by His Holiness for the freedom of the country so agreeable to me, whence I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.
** p. 251-253
=== ''[[w:Two New Sciences|Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences]]'' (1638) ===
:<small>[http://books.google.com/books?id=fdnPAAAAMAAJ Henry Crew & Alfonso de Salvio translation] (1914) unless otherwise noted</small>
: <small>Interlocutors: Salviati, Sagredo and Simplicio</small>
* Well, since paradoxes are at hand, '''let us see how it might be demonstrated that in a finite continuous extension it is not impossible for infinitely many voids to be found.'''
** Salviati, First Day, <!--268?--> [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974)
*I am quite convinced; and, believe me, '''if I were again beginning my studies, I should follow the advice of Plato and start with mathematics''', a science which proceeds very cautiously and admits nothing as established until it has been rigidly demonstrated.
**Simplicio, First Day, page 90.
* My purpose is to set forth a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject. '''There is, in nature, perhaps nothing older than motion, concerning which the books written by philosophers are neither few nor small; nevertheless I have discovered by experiment some properties of it which are worth knowing and which have not hitherto been either observed or demonstrated.''' Some superficial observations have been made, as, for instance, that the free motion [''naturalem motum''] of a heavy falling body is continuously accelerated; but to just what extent this acceleration occurs has not yet been announced; for so far as I know, '''no one has yet pointed out that the [[Distance|distances]] traversed, during equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''It has been observed that missiles and projectiles describe a curved path of some sort; however no one has pointed out the fact that this path is a [[w:Parabola#History|parabola]]. But this and other facts''', not few in number or less worth knowing, '''I have succeeded in proving; and what I consider more important, there have been opened up to this vast and most excellent science, of which my work is merely the beginning, ways and means by which other minds more acute than mine will explore its remote corners.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''This''' [experimentation] '''is the custom—and properly so—in those sciences where mathematical demonstrations are applied to natural phenomena''', as is seen in the case of perspective, astronomy, mechanics, music, and others '''where the principles, once established by well-chosen experiments, become the foundations of the entire superstructure.'''
** Salviati, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.178 [213]-->
* '''See now the power of truth'''; the same experiment which at first glance seemed to show one thing, when more carefully examined, assures us of the contrary.
** Salviati, Third Day. Naturally Accelerated Motion<!--p.164 [200]-->
* Indeed, I think we may concede to our Academician, without flattery, his claim that in the principle [principio, i. e., accelerated motion] laid down in this treatise he has established a new science dealing with a very old subject. Observing with what ease and clearness he deduces from a single principle the proofs of so many theorems, I wonder not a little how such a question escaped the attention of [[Archimedes]], [[Apollonius of Tyana|Apollonius]], [[Euclid]] and so many other [[mathematicians]] and illustrious philosophers, especially since so many ponderous tomes have been devoted to the subject of motion. (Galileo referred to himself as the/our Academician in his dialogue)
** Sagredo, Third Day P. 242
* I mentally conceive of some moveable [sphere] projected on a horizontal plane, all impediments being put aside. Now it is evident... that equable motion on this plane would be perpetual if the plane were of infinite extent, but if we assume it to be ended, and [situated] on high, the movable, driven to the end of this plane and going on further, adds on to its previous equable and indelible motion, that downward tendency which it has from its heaviness. Thus, there emerges a certain motion, compounded...
** Author, Day Four, On the Motion of Projectiles, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 268
* Proposition I. Theorem I: When a projectile is carried in motion compounded from equable horizontal and from naturally accelerated downward [motions], it describes a semiparabolic line in its movement.
** Author, Day Four, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 269
* The speed of the ball—thanks to opposition from the air—will not go on increasing forever. Rather, what will happen is seen in bodies of very little weight falling through no great distance; I mean, a reduction to equable motion, which will occur also in a lead or iron ball after the descent of some thousands of [[wiktionary:braccio#Noun|braccia]]. '''This bounded terminal speed will be called the maximum that such a heavy body can naturally attain through the air'''...
** Salviati, Day Four, 278-279 Stillman Drake translation (1974)
* It seems to me proper to adorn the Author's thought here with its conformity to a conception of [[Plato|Plato's]] regarding the determination of the various speeds of equable motion in the celestial motions of revolution. ...he said that God, after having created the movable celestial bodies, in order to assign to them those speeds with which they must be moved perpetually in equable circular motion, made them depart from rest and move through determinate spaces in that natural straight motion in which we sensibly see our moveables to be moved from the state of rest, successively accelerating. And he added that these having been made to gain that degree [of speed] which it pleased '''God''' that they should maintain forever, He '''turned their straight motion into circulation, the only kind''' [of motion] '''that is suitable to be conserved equably, turning always without retreat from or approach toward any pre-established goal desired by them. The conception is truly worthy''' of Plato, and it is '''to be more esteemed to the extent that its foundations''', of which Plato remained silent, but '''which were discovered by our Author in removing their poetical mask or semblance, show it the guise of a true story.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen's]] thesis: Galileo believed only circular (not straight line) motion may be conserved (perpetual), see ''The New Birth of Physics'' (1960).
** Sagredo, Day Four, [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974) pp.283-284
[[File:Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens.jpg|thumb|276x276px|Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens (c. 1630)]]
===Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1639) ===
:<small>Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1 August 1639), as translated in ''Galileo at Work: His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 399 - 401</small>
* It now remains that we find the amount of time of descent through the channel. This we shall obtain from the marvelous property of the [[pendulum]], which is that it makes all its vibrations, large or small, in equal times. This requires, once and for all, that two or three or four patient and curious friends, having noted a fixed star that stands against some fixed marker, taking a pendulum of any length, shall go counting its vibrations during the whole time of return of the fixed star to its original point, and this will be the number of vibrations in 24 hours. From the number of these we can find the number of vibrations of any other pendulums, longer or shorter, at will, so that if for example those counted by us in 24 hours were 234,567, then taking another shorter pendulum with which one counts 800 vibrations while another counts 150 of the longer pendulum, we already have, by the golden rule, the number of vibrations for the whole time of 24 hours; and if we want to know the time of descent through the channel, we can easily find not only the minutes, seconds, and sixtieths of seconds, but beyond that as we please. It is true that we can pass a more exact measure by having observed the flow of water through a thin passage, for by collecting this and having weighed what passes in one minute, for example, then by weighing what passes in the time of descent through the channel we can find the most exact measure and quantity of this time, especially by making use of a balance so precise as to weigh one sixtieth of a grain.
* If I shall have sufficient strength to improve and amplify what was written and published by me up to now about motion by adding some little speculations, and in particular those relating to the force of percussion, in the investigation of which I have consumed hundreds and thousands of hours, and finally reduced this to very easy explanation, so that people can understand it in less than half an hour of time.
===Other quotes===
* '''I esteem myself happy to have as great an ally as you in my search for truth.''' I will read your work … all the more willingly because I have for many years been a partisan of the Copernican view because it reveals to me the causes of many natural phenomena that are entirely incomprehensible in the light of the generally accepted hypothesis. To refute the latter I have collected many proofs, but I do not publish them, because I am deterred by the fate of our teacher [[Copernicus]] who, although he had won immortal fame with a few, was ridiculed and condemned by countless people (for very great is the number of the stupid).
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1596), as quoted in ''The Story of Civilization: The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 603
* What has philosophy got to do with measuring anything? It's the mathematicians you have to trust, and they measure the skies like we measure a field.
** "Matteo" in ''Concerning the New Star'' (1606)
* '''My dear Kepler, what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?''' What shall we make of this? '''Shall we laugh, or shall we cry?'''
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1610), as quoted in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio De Santillana
* ''sì perché l'autorità dell'opinione di mille nelle scienze non val per una scintilla di ragione di un solo, sì perché le presenti osservazioni spogliano d'autorità i decreti de' passati scrittori, i quali se vedute l'avessero, avrebbono diversamente determinato.''
** for '''in the sciences the authority of thousands of opinions is not worth as much as one tiny spark of reason in an individual man.''' Besides, '''the modern observations deprive all former writers of any authority, since if they had seen what we see, they would have judged as we judge.'''
*** Third letter on sunspots (December 1612) to Mark Wesler (1558 - 1614), as quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 134 - 135; Italian text online at [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/lettere/html/lett08c.htm Liber Liber], also from [http://www.intratext.com/IXT/ITA0188/_PQ.HTM IntraText].
** Variant translation: '''In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.'''
*** As quoted in ''Biographies of Distinguished Scientific Men'' (1859) by [[François Arago]], as translated by Baden Powell, Robert Grant, and William Fairbairn, p. 365
* We seek not what God could have done but what He has done.… God could have caused birds to fly with bones of solid gold, with veins full of quicksilver, with flesh heavier than lead and very small and heavy wings, so as to better show His power … but He wanted to make their bones, flesh and feathers very light … to teach us that He likes simplicity and ease.
**Notes in a copy of Jean-Baptiste Morin's "Famous and ancient problems of the earth's motion or rest, yet to be solved" (published 1631). Some English sources incorrectly attribute this to the ''Dialogue'', concluding it (also inaccurately): "It is only to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle." See "Misattributed" below for details.
* After an injunction had been judicially intimated to me by this Holy Office, to the effect that I must altogether abandon the false opinion that the sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center of the world, and moves, and that I must not hold, defend, or teach in any way whatsoever, verbally or in writing, the said false doctrine, and after it had been notified to me that the said doctrine was contrary to Holy Scripture — I wrote and printed a book in which I discuss this new doctrine already condemned, and adduce arguments of great cogency in its favor, without presenting any solution of these, and for this reason '''I have been pronounced by the Holy Office to be vehemently suspected of heresy, that is to say, of having held and believed that the Sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center and moves: <br /> Therefore, desiring to remove from the minds of your Eminences, and of all faithful Christians, this vehement suspicion, justly conceived against me, with sincere heart and unfeigned faith I abjure, curse, and detest the aforesaid errors and heresies, and generally every other error, [[heresy]], and sect whatsoever contrary to the said [[Catholic Church|Holy Church]]''', and I swear that in the future I will never again say or assert, verbally or in writing, anything that might furnish occasion for a similar suspicion regarding me; but that should I know any heretic, or person suspected of heresy, I will denounce him to this Holy Office, or to the Inquisitor or Ordinary of the place where I may be. Further, I swear and promise to fulfill and observe in their integrity all penances that have been, or that shall be, imposed upon me by this Holy Office. And, in the event of my contravening, (which God forbid) any of these my promises and oaths, I submit myself to all the pains and penalties imposed and promulgated in the sacred canons and other constitutions, general and particular, against such delinquents. So help me God, and these His Holy Gospels, which I touch with my hands. <br />I, the said Galileo Galilei, have abjured, sworn, promised, and bound myself as above; and in witness of the truth thereof I have with my own hand subscribed the present document of my abjuration, and recited it word for word at Rome, in the Convent of Minerva, this twenty-second day of June, 1633.
**Recantation (22 June 1633) as quoted in [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/recantation.html ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio de Santillana, p. 312]. <!-- also in ''Galileo's Mistake'' (2012) by Wade Rowland -->
* I have been in my bed for five weeks, oppressed with weakness and other infirmities from which my age, seventy four years, permits me not to hope release. Added to this (''proh dolor!'' [O misery!]) the sight of my right eye — that eye whose labors (dare I say it) have had such glorious results — is for ever lost. That of the left, which was and is imperfect, is rendered null by continual weeping.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (4 July 1637), as translated in [http://books.google.com/books?id=ixUCAAAAYAAJ ''The Private Life of Galileo: Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870)] by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 278
* Alas! Your dear friend and servant Galileo has been for the last month hopelessly blind; so that this heaven, this earth, this universe, which I by my marvelous discoveries and clear demonstrations had enlarged a hundred thousand times beyond the belief of the wise men of bygone ages, henceforward for me is shrunk into such a small space as is filled by my own bodily sensations.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (2 January 1638), as translated in ''The Private Life of Galileo: Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870) by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 279
* '''Wine is a mixture of moisture and light.'''
**As quoted in Lorenzo Magalotti's ''Scientific and Scholarly Letter'' (1721)
* '''Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, since things come first and names afterwards.'''
** As quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 92
** Variant translation: Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, because things came first, and their names subsequently.
== Attributed ==
* '''All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.'''
** As quoted in ''Angels in the workplace: stories and inspirations for creating a new world of work'' (1999) by Melissa Giovagnoli
* I have never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn something from him.
** As quoted in ''The Story of Civilization: The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 605
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* '''''Eppur si muove.'''''
** "And yet it moves" or "still it moves" is a comment he is alleged to have made in regard to the Earth after his recantation before the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]]. [[w:Giuseppe Marc'Antonio Baretti|Giuseppe Baretti]] was apparently the first person to record the story. Noted as a misattribution in Paul F. Boller, John George, ''They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, and Misleading Attributions'' (1990), p. 30.
* It is only in order to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle.
** Giorgio de Santillana attributed this remark to the ''Dialogue'' in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955), but it does not appear there. A vaguely similar exchange appears in the Fourth Day of the ''Dialogue'', when Salviati asks Simplicio why he resorts to a miracle to explain the tides, if they might be explained from movement of the earth. However, the specific wording comes instead from [[Thomas Browne]]'s ''Religio Medici'', where he states that the presence of wild animals on distant islands after the Deluge put [[Augustine of Hippo]] "to the refuge of a miracle," referring in turn to [[s:Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers: Series I/Volume II/City of God/Book XVI/Chapter 7|''The City of God'' XVI.7]].
* Mathematics is the key and door to the sciences.
** As quoted in ''Building Fluency Through Practice and Performance'' (2008) by Timothy Rasinski and Lorraine Griffith, p. 64, but in fact a quotation by [[w:Roger Bacon|Roger Bacon]]: ''Et harum scientiarum porta et clavis est Mathematica'', "And of these sciences the door and key is mathematics", from Bacon's ''Opus Majus'' (1267) [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=UfqcGd8NOFsC&pg=PA97&lpg=PA97&dq=%22porta+et+clavis%22+opus+majus&source=bl&ots=nGgt2Lhxqe&sig=88kIPB5EAKAKtm0APk6J5OrS1D0&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiU36D2gIbLAhVBWBQKHSW9CKgQ6AEINDAE#v=onepage&q=%22porta%20et%20clavis%22%20opus%20majus&f=false].
* Measure what is measurable, and make measurable what is not so.
** The quote is widely misattributed to Galilei, but is actually from two French scholars, Antoine-Augustin Cournot and Thomas-Henri Martin. See "Der messende Luchs: Zwei verbreitete Fehler in der Galilei-Literatur" by Andreas Kleinert in "NTM Zeitschrift für Geschichte der Wissenschaften, Technik und Medizin" May 2009, Volume 17, Issue 2, pp 199–206.
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Galileo ==
[[File:Galileo before the Holy Office.jpg |250px|thumb|right|Galileo was no [[idiot]]. Only an idiot can believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom… ~ [[David Hilbert]] ]]
* [I]t was upon... inequality of motions in point of [[w:velocity|velocity]] that Galileo built his theory of flux and reflux of the sea; supposing that the earth revolved faster than the [[water]] could follow; and that the water was therefore first gathered in a heap and then fell down, as we see in a basin of water moved quickly. But this he devised upon an assumption which cannot be allowed, viz. that the earth moves; and also without being well informed as to the sexhorary motion of the tide.
** [[Francis Bacon]], ''Novum Organum'' (1620) as quoted in ''The Works of Francis Bacon: Translations of the Philosophical Works'' (1875) [https://books.google.com/books?id=oOYkAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA212 p. 212,] Vol. IV of ''Translations of the Philosophical Works'' ed. James Spedding, Robert Leslie Ellis, Douglas Denon Heath.
* Galileo observed as early as 1638 that there are precisely as many squares 1, 4, 9, 16, 25,... as are positive integers all together. This is evident from the sequences{{center/s}}1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ... , ''n'', ...<br />1<sup>2</sup>, 2<sup>2</sup>, 3<sup>2</sup>, 4<sup>2</sup>, 5<sup>2</sup>, 6<sup>2</sup>, ..., ''n''<sup></sup>, ...{{center/e}} He thus recognized the fundamental distinction between finite and infinite classes that became current in the late [[19th century|nineteenth century]]. An infinite class is one in which there is a one-to-one correspondence between the whole class and a subclass of the whole. Or, what is equivalent, there are as many things in one part of an infinite class as there are in the whole class.<br />...A class whose elements can be put in a one-to-one correspondence with the integers 1, 2, 3, ... is said to be [[w:Countable set|denumerable]]. All the points in any line segment, finite or infinite in length, form a [[w:Uncountable set|non-denumerable set]]. A basic course in calculus starts from the theory of point sets. The distinction between denumerable and non-denumerable classes was not started by Galileo; it was observed about 1840 by [[w:Bernard Bolzano|Bolzano]] and in 1878 by [[Georg Cantor|Cantor]]. But '''Galileo's recognition of the cardinal property of all infinite classes makes him one of the genuine anticipators in the history of calculus. The other was [[Archimedes]].'''<!--p.138-->
** [[Eric Temple Bell]], ''The Development of Mathematics'' (1940)
* '''The credit of first using the telescope for astronomical purposes''' is almost invariably attributed to Galilei, though his first observations were in all probability slightly later in date than those of [[w:Thomas Harriot|Harriot]] and [[w:Simon Marius|Marius]], '''is to a great extent justified''' by the persistent way in which he examined object after object, whenever there seemed any reasonable prospect of results following, by the energy and acuteness with which he followed up each clue, by the independence of mind with which he interpreted his observations, and above all by the insight with which he realised their astronomical importance.
** Arthur Berry, [http://books.google.com/books?id=NsIKAAAAIAAJ ''A Short History of Astronomy''] (1899)
* His brilliant discoveries the man of science regards as his peculiar property; the means by which they were made, and the development of his intellectual character, belong to the [[Logic|logician]] and to the philosopher; but the triumphs and the reverses of his eventful life must be claimed for our common nature, as a source of more than ordinary instruction.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA13 p. 13], (1860 edition).
* [I]f [[Francis Bacon|Bacon]] had never lived, the student of nature would have found in the writings and labours of Galileo, not only the boasted principles of the inductive philosophy, but also their practical application to the highest efforts of invention and discovery.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA114 p. 114], (1860 edition).
* '''Others before him had asked why heavy bodies fall; now''', the homogeneity of the earth with the heavenly bodies having suggested that terrestrial motion is a proper subject for exact mathematical study, '''we have the further question raised: how do they fall?''' with the expectation that the answer will be given in mathematical terms.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
* [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]] had taken one course in treating the earth as virtually a celestial body in the [[Aristotle: a Chapter from the History of Science#Ch.7 Aristotle's Physics, Meteorology, and Mechanics|Aristotelian sense]]—a perfect sphere governed by the laws which operated in the higher reaches of the skies. Galileo complemented this by taking now the opposite course—rather treating the heavenly bodies as terrestrial ones, regarding the planets as subject to the very laws which applied to balls sliding down inclined planes. There was something in all this which tended to the reduction of the whole universe to uniform physical laws, and it is clear that the world was coming to be more ready to admit such a view.
** [[Herbert Butterfield]], ''The Origins of Modern Science'' (1949)
* In [[w:Santa Croce, Florence|Santa Croce]]'s holy precincts lie<br />Ashes which make it holier, dust which is<br />Even in itself an immortality,<br />Though there were nothing save the past, and this,<br />The particle of those sublimities<br />Which have relapsed to chaos: here repose<br />[[Michelangelo|Angelo]]'s, [[Vittorio Alfieri|Alfieri]]'s bones, and his,<br />The starry Galileo, with his woes;<br />Here [[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavelli]]'s earth returned to whence it rose.<br /><br />These are four minds, which, like the elements,<br />Might furnish forth creation:—Italy!<br />Time, which hath wronged thee with ten thousand rents<br />Of thine imperial garment, shall deny,<br />And hath denied, to every other sky,<br />Spirits which soar from ruin: thy decay<br />Is still impregnate with divinity,<br />Which gilds it with revivifying ray;<br />Such as the great of yore [[w:Antonio Canova|Canova]] is to-day.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto IV (1818) Stanzas 54-55.
* While [[Simon Stevin|Stevin]] investigated {{w|statics}}, Galileo pursued principally [[w:Dynamics (mechanics)|dynamics]]. Galileo was the first to abandon the [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] idea that bodies descend more quickly in proportion as they are heavier; he established the first [[w:Newton's laws of motion|law of motion]]; determined the laws of falling bodies; and, having obtained a clear notion of acceleration and of the independence of different motions, was able to prove that projectiles move in [[w:Parabola#History|parabolic]] curves. Up to his time it was believed that a cannon-ball moved forward at first in a straight line and then suddenly fell vertically to the ground. Galileo had an understanding of ''{{w|centrifugal force}}s'', and gave a correct definition of ''{{w|momentum}}''. Though he formulated the fundamental principles of statics, known as the ''{{w|parallelogram of force}}s'', yet he did not fully recognise its scope. The principle of virtual velocities was partly conceived by Guido Ubaldo (died 1607), and afterwards more fully by Galileo.
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* Galileo is the founder of the science of dynamics. Among his contemporaries it was chiefly the novelties he detected in the sky that made him celebrated, but [[Joseph Louis Lagrange|Lagrange]] claims that his astronomical discoveries required only a telescope and perseverance, while it took an extraordinary genius to discover laws from phenomena, which we see constantly and of which the true explanation escaped all earlier philosophers. The first contributor to the science of mechanics after Galileo was [[René Descartes|Descartes]].
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* It is impossible to exaggerate the effects of his telescopic discoveries on Galileo's life, so profound were they. Not only is it true of Galileo's personal life and thought, but it equally true of their influence on the history of scientific thought. '''Galileo had the experience of beholding the heavens as they actually are for perhaps the first time''', and wherever he looked he found evidence to support the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] system against the [[Ptolemy|Ptolemaic]], or at least weaken the authority of the ancients. This shattering experience—of observing the depths of the universe, of being the first mortal to know what the heavens are actually like—made so deep an impression... that '''it is only by considering the events of 1609... that one can understand the subsequent direction of his life.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* It is characteristic of Galileo as a scientist of the modern school that '''as soon as he found any kind of phenomenon, he wanted to measure it.''' It is all very well to be told that the telescope discloses that there are mountains on the moon, just as there are mountains on earth. But how much more extraordinary it is, and how much more convincing, to be told that there are mountains on the moon and that they are exactly four miles high! Galileo's determination of the height of the mountains on the moon has withstood the test of time...
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* His conflict with the Catholic Church arose because deep in his heart '''Galileo was a believer.''' There was for him no path of compromise, no way to have separate secular and theological cosmologies. If the Copernican system was true as he believed, what else could Galileo do but fight with every weapon he had in his arsenal... to make his Church accept a new system of the universe. ...In the contrast between Galileo's heroic stand when he tried to reform the cosmological basis of orthodox theology and his humbled, kneeling surrender when he disavowed his Copernicanism, we may sense the tremendous forces attendant on the birth of modern science.
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* The pre-Galilean thinkers were... concerned with motion in the sense used by [[Aristotle]]. For them, "motion" was any process in which there was transmission from any state or condition to another state. Thus the process of aging, the change in a person's degree of wisdom, or the growth in the weight of a boy could all be considered examples of motion. By contrast Galileo was concerned with ''physical'' motion, motion involving a change of place... One of the major kinds of motion that Galileo studied was the motion of free fall.
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* In his founding treatise, the ''Dialogues Concerning Two New Sciences'', Galileo boasted that he was setting forth "a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject." ...No one before him, he declared, had discovered that "the distance traversed, during [successive] equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity."<br />...Galileo's rule can be expressed differently, that the total distance fallen is proportional to the square of the total elapsed time.<br />...he devised an experiment in which he "diluted" gravity, slowing down the motion of falling. For this purpose he used an inclined plane... He allowed a small metal ball to roll down the board at different inclinations, and recorded the distances and times.<br />...Galileo presented the numerical values that he found in his experiments as proof... Thus he could proudly boast of an agreement to within "one-tenth of a pulse beat."
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* [[Alexandre Koyré|Koyré's]] exaltation of the "[[Plato|Platonic]] and [[Pythagoras|Pythagorean]]" elements of the [[w:Scientific revolution|Scientific Revolution]]... was based on a demonstrably false understanding of how Galileo reached his conclusions. Koyré asserted that Galileo merely used experiments as a check on the theories he devised by mathematical reasoning. But later research has definitively established that '''Galileo's experiments ''preceded'' his attempts to give a mathematical account of their results.'''
** [[Clifford D. Conner]], ''A People's History of Science'' (2005)
* For measurements of time he collected and weighed water flowing from a container at a constant rate of about three fluid ounces per second, He recorded weights of water in [[w:Grain (unit)|grains]] and, and defined his time unit, called a ''tempo'', to be the time for 16 grains of water to flow, which was equivalent to 1/92 second. These units were small enough so Galileo's measurements of distance and time always resulted in large numbers. That was a necessity because decimal numbers were not part of his mathematical equipment; the only way he could add [[w:Significant figures|significant digits]] in his calculations was to make the numbers larger.
** William H. Cropper, ''Great Physicists'' (2004)
* Galileo was the first scientist to recognise clearly that the only way to further our understanding of the physical world was to resort to experiment. ...the Greeks, in spite of their proficiency in geometry, never seem to have realised the importance of experiment ([[Democritus]] and [[Archimedes]] excepted). ...an excuse ...can scarcely be put forward when the elementary nature of Galileo's experiments and observations is recalled. Watching a lamp oscillate in the cathedral of Pisa, dropping bodies from the leaning tower of Pisa, rolling balls down inclined planes, noticing the magnifying effect of water in a spherical glass vase... might just as well have been performed by the Greeks.
** A. D'Abro, ''[https://archive.org/details/TheEvolutionOfScientificThought The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein]'' (1927) Forward
* It is to the Italian astronomer, forced in old age by the Inquisition to turn aside from the more dangerous study of the machinery of the heavens, that we owe the first exposition of many of the problems of mechanics and statics, published... in 1638. Not only did Galileo put together whatever the sixteenth century had learned in the sciences affecting building construction, but from his study of the bending strength of a beam there dates a new branch of science—the theory of the [[w:Strength of materials|strength of materials]].
** T. K. Derry & Trevor I. Williams, ''A Short History of Technology: From the Earliest Times to A.D. 1900'' (1960) Ch.5, Building Construction, "Building from the Renaissance to the Eighteenth Century"
* Conclusions obtained by purely rational processes are, so far as Reality is concerned, entirely empty. It was because he recognized this, and especially because he impressed it upon the scientific world that Galileo became the father of modern physics and in fact of the whole of modern natural science.
** [[Albert Einstein]], "On the Method of Theoretical Physics" (Apr., 1934) in ''Philosophy of Science'', Vol. 1, No. 2, [https://www.stmarys-ca.edu/sites/default/files/attachments/files/On_The_Method_of_Theoretical_Physics.pdf pp. 163-169.]
* It has always hurt me to think that Galilei did not acknowledge the work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] … That, alas, is [[vanity]] … You find it in so many scientists.
** [[Albert Einstein]], in an interview with [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], as quoted in ''Coming of Age in the Milky Way'' (1988) by [[w:Timothy Ferris|Timothy Ferris]]
* '''Galileo was no [[idiot]].''' Only an idiot could believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom — that may be [[Necessity|necessary]] in [[religion]], but in [[time]] a scientific result will establish itself.
** [[David Hilbert]], in defense of Galileo's recantation of his discoveries before a tribunal of the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]], as quoted in ''Mathematical Circles Squared: A Third Collection of Mathematical Stories and Anecdotes'' (1972) by Howard Whitley Eves, p. 125
* The beginning of astronomy, except observations, I think is not to be derived from farther time than from [[Nicolaus Copernicus]]; who in the age next preceding the present revived the [[w:Pythagorean astronomical system|opinion of]] [[Pythagoras]], [[w:Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]], and [[Philolaus]]. After him, the doctrine of the motion of the earth being now received, and a difficult question thereupon arising concerning the descent of heavy bodies, '''Galileus''' in our time, striving with that difficulty, '''was the first that opened to us the gate of [[w:Natural philosophy|natural philosophy]] universal, which is the knowledge of the nature of ''motion''.''' So that neither can the age of natural philosophy be reckoned higher than to him.
** [[Thomas Hobbes]], ''The English Works of Thomas Hobbes of Malmesbury'' (1839) ed. Sir William Molesworth, [http://books.google.com/books?id=1WY6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 1], p. vii
* A light was kindled amongst the investigators of nature when Galilei let balls of a definite weight roll down the inclined plane. For they saw that they only understand what is produced according to a predetermined plan or hypothesis... for otherwise planless observations made according to no ideas could never be brought into the form of a law which reason demands and seeks. ...Thus physics was brought into the position of a certain science after groping about blindly for so many hundred years.
** [[Immanuel Kant]], Preface, ''Critique of Pure Reason'' (1787) 2nd edition, as quoted by {{w|J. W. A. Hickson}}, "Francis Bacon and Galileo Galilei" (A Comparison of Methods) in ''The {{w|McGill University}} Magazine'' (Dec. 1905) Vol. 5, No. 1, [https://books.google.com/books?id=DVImAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA260 p. 260], footnote 2.
* Copernicus, Kepler and Galileo were ‘revisionists’ in rejecting the geocentric system of Ptolemy (which held sway for some 1500 years) and, against an oppressive and repressive mainstream opinion (and officialdom), reinstated—with improvements—the heliocentric system of Aristarchos of Samos (3rd cent BCE).
**Kazanas, N. (2002). Indigenous Indo-Aryans and the Rigveda: Indo-Aryan migration debate. Journal of Indo-European Studies, 30(3-4), 275-334.
* Galileo's program offers us a dead world: Out go sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, and along with them have since gone esthetic and ethical sensibility, values, quality, soul, consciousness, spirit. Experience as such is cast out of the realm of scientific discourse. Hardly anything has changed our world more during the past four hundred years than Galileo's audacious program. We had to destroy the world in theory before we could destroy it in practice.
** [[R. D. Laing]], as quoted by [[Fritjof Capra]], ''Uncommon Wisdom'' (1988)
* Galileo deduced the laws of freely falling bodies and the parabolic paths of projectiles, initiating an era of applications of mathematics to physics. In his book ''Two New Sciences'', he used [[w:Cavalieri's principle|indivisible methods]] to study the motion of a falling body, and he planned, but never wrote, an entire book on indivisibles.
** Reinhard Labenbacher, David Pengelley, ''Mathematical Expeditions: Chronicles by the Explorers'' (1999)
* '''The first mathematician to consider the nature of the resistance of solids to rupture was Galileo.''' Although he treated solids as inelastic, not being in possession of any law connecting the displacements produced with the forces producing them, or of any physical hypothesis capable of yielding such a law, yet '''his enquiries gave the direction which was subsequently followed by many investigators.'''
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) [https://books.google.com/books?id=l8YJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA2 p. 2.]
* '''He endeavoured to determine the resistance of a beam, one end of which is built into a wall, when the tendency to break it arises from its own or an applied weight'''; and he concluded that the beam tends to turn about an axis perpendicular to its length, and in the plane of the wall. '''This problem''', and, in particular, the determination of this axis '''is known as Galileo's problem.'''<!-- p. 2-->
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) p. 2.
* History can be helpful in making sense of the world we live in. It can also be fascinating, even fun. How can even the best [[novelist]] or [[Theatre|playwright]] invent someone like [[Augustus Caesar]] or [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine the Great]], Galileo or [[Florence Nightingale]]? How can screenwriters create better [[action]] stories or human [[Drama|dramas]] than exist, thousand upon thousand, throughout the many centuries of recorded history? There is a thirst out there both for [[knowledge]] and to be [[Entertainment|entertained]], and the [[market]] has responded with enthusiasm.
** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008)
* Galileo's comprehension of the concept of acceleration, which he defined as a change of velocity either in magnitude or direction... was an abstract idea that no one seems to have thought much about before. And in using it to test the still accepted [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] precept that a moving object requires a force to maintain it, Galileo easily demonstrated that it is not motion but rather acceleration which cannot occur without an external force. Deliberately rejecting common sense as a prejudiced witness, he let nature herself speak in the form of a "hard, smooth and very round ball" rolling down a "very straight" ideal groove lined with polished parchment, and then rolling up another groove, clocking each roll "hundreds or times"... he showed that, while downward motion (helped by gravity force) makes speed increase and upward motion (hindered by gravity force) makes speed decrease, there is always a "boundary case" in between... where speed remains constant (without any appreciable force)—and that, by reducing friction, this boundary case can be made to approach a horizontal level where gravity has no effect. Similarly testing... he also drafted a law of falling bodies: "that the distances traversed, during equal intervals of time... stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity." And his beautiful analysis of a cannonball's trajectory into horizontal and vertical components... was one day to be of enormous help to [[Isaac Newton]] in solving the riddle of gravity.
** [[w:Guy Murchie|Guy Murchie]], ''Music of the Spheres'' (1961)
*Galileo Galilei was the greatest writer in Italian literature: that's not me saying it, it's [[w:Italo Calvino|Italo Calvino]].
:*[[Piergiorgio Odifreddi]], ''il Venerdì di Repubblica'', 23 October 2009.
* It was in Galileo's time that firearms were invented... What is the path of a cannonball? ...Characteristically, Galileo was engrossed with the problem; characteristically, he solved it. The outcome of his ingenuity we know today as the method of superposition.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.100-->
* How do heavy bodies fall? ...Galileo's investigation of dynamics was physical; [[Aristotle|Aristotle's]] was metaphysical. But unlike Galileo, we have the additional convenience of algebraic notation. Had it been invented in his day he would certainly have known it; almost certainly he would have been able to push his development of dynamics much farther.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.85-->
*Galileo's head was on the block... The crime was looking up for [[truth]]... And then you had to bring up [[reincarnation]]... How long 'til my soul gets it right... Can any human being ever reach that kind of light... I call on the resting [[soul]] of Galileo... King of night [[vision]], king of [[insight]]... I'm not making a joke, you know me...I take everything so seriously... If we wait for the time 'til all souls get it right... Then at least I know there'll be no [[Nuclear war|nuclear annihilation]]... Can any human being ever reach the highest light... Except for Galileo — God rest his soul... Except for the resting soul of Galileo... King of night vision, king of insight.
**[[Indigo Girls|Emily Saliers]] in the song, “Galileo” (lead single of the [[Indigo Girls]] fourth album, a minor crossover pop hit in the US in August 1992, [https://genius.com/Indigo-girls-galileo-lyrics ''Genius''] (12 May 1992)
* '''If Galileo had been willing to face the idea of a plurality of worlds, instead of resting on that of the Sun as the natural "centre of things," he might have been impelled to develop his system in the [[Isaac Newton|Newtonian]] sense.''' ...The position of the satellites in the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] scheme proved the existence of a multiplicity of centers. But the way that led from there was fraught with danger.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* The allusion to the "puzzling" problem of [the orbit of] Mars shows that Galileo ought not to have been unaware of the great work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] published in 1609: ''Astronomia nova''... in which the first two of Kepler's laws were formulated. Yet he does not mention here at all Kepler's success in solving the problem, nor his laws, nor his name even, which is brought up... only to criticize his belief in the Moon's attraction [effect upon tides], which is quite reasonably presented in the ''Astronomia nova'' and founded on astronomical reasons and not on mystical speculations.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* '''To give us the science of motion God and Nature have joined hands and created the intellect of Galileo.'''
** [[w:Paolo Sarpi|Paolo Sarpi]], Editor's Preface to ''Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences'' by Galileo (1638) Crew and De Salvio translation (1914)
* The old Greek philosophy, which in Europe in the later middle ages was synonymous with the works of [[Aristotle]], considered motion as a thing for which a cause must be found: a velocity required a force to produce and to maintain it. '''The great discovery of Galileo was that not velocity, but acceleration requires a force'''. This is the law of inertia of which the real content is: the natural phenomena are described by differential equations of the second order.
** [[Willem de Sitter]], The Astronomical Aspect of the Theory of Relativity (1933)
* [T]he mathematical habit of mind and the mathematical procedure... had to be generated; otherwise [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] could never have thought of a formula representing the force between ''any'' two masses at ''any'' distance. ...Throughout the middle ages, under the influence of [[Aristotle]], the science was entirely misconceived. '''Newton had the advantage of coming after a series of great men, notably [[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]]... who in the previous two centuries had reconstructed the science and had invented the right way of thinking about it.''' He completed their work.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''An Introduction to Mathematics'' (1911) [https://books.google.com/books?id=1m1TOFIKNIMC&pg=PA29 pp. 29-30.]
* The way in which the persecution of Galileo has been remembered is a tribute to the quiet commencement of the most intimate change in outlook which the human race had yet encountered. Since a babe was born in a manger, it may be doubted whether so great a thing has happened with so little stir.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''Science and the Modern World'' (1925)
* The worst that happened to men of science was that Galileo suffered an honorable detention and a mild reproof, before dying peacefully in his bed.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], in ''The Mathematics Teacher'', Vol. 45 (1952), p. 182
* In Galileo's time, professors of philosophy and theology—the subjects were inseparable—produced grand discourses on the nature of reality... all based on sophisticated metaphysical arguments. Meanwhile, Galileo measured how fast balls roll down inclined planes. How mundane! But the learned discourses, while grand, were vague. Galileo's investigations were clear and precise. The old metaphysics never progressed, while Galileo's work bore abundant, and at length spectacular, fruit. Galileo too cared about the big questions, but he realized that getting the genuine answers requires patience and humility before the facts.
** [[Frank Wilczek]], ''The Lightness of Being'' (2008)
*How does the world recognizes England, the United Kingdom, as the country that gave birth to the modern age? It was not [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] but Galilei who opened the [[w:modern age|Moderna age]].
**[[Antonino Zichichi]]. As quoted in Carlo Passarello, ''[https://livesicilia.it/2013/02/07/zichichi-ars-sicilia/ La "prima volta" di Zichichi e all'Ars si parla di Archimede]'' (in Italian, February 7, 2013)
*As a believing scientist [...] it is my deep conviction that it is our task to search nature and the universe, as Galileo Galilei, the father of modern science, did, for the footprints of God.
**[[w:Antonino Zichichi|Antonino Zichichi]], ''[https://www.raicultura.it/filosofia/articoli/2024/03/Dio-La-scienza-le-prove----15bac320-af08-439b-9b91-c382811f2390.html Dio. La scienza, le prove]'', [[w:RAI|RAI]] Cultura, 2024
When I met John Paul II, I felt that history was offering us a unique opportunity: to heal a rift that had divided science and faith for centuries.
:'''I explained to the Pope what the scientific world had known for some time—that the condemnation of [[Galileo Galilei]] was a human error, not a contradiction of the Truth.'''
:The Church had punished a man who, with extraordinary humility and rigor, had opened the Book of Nature to humanity.
:I spoke with John Paul II about the need to officially acknowledge that wrong, not to rewrite the past, but to give strength to the future: a future in which science and faith could return to dialogue, united in the search for Truth.
:The Pope listened to me attentively, with the profound spiritual intelligence that characterized him.
:'''It was thanks to his courage and openness that the Church, after centuries, found the strength to ask for [[forgiveness]] and to embrace Science once again.'''
:It was a gesture that marked not only the history of the Church, but that of all humanity.
:*From a [https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1ANriRxcXx/ post] in the official Facebook profile of [[Antonino Zichichi]] (December 15, 2025). URL archived on [https://archive.is/wip/W1Dv7 December 21, 2025].
== Notes and references==
{{reflist}}
==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline|Author:Galileo Galilei}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
* [http://www.galilean-library.org/hps.html The Galileo Affair] by Paul Newall.
* [http://www.cslewis.org/journal/?p=10 Conflict or Cooperation] by Robert C. Fay
* [http://galileo.rice.edu/ The Galileo Project] at [[w:Rice University|Rice University]]
* [http://www.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/Galileo_Prototype/MAIN.HTM Electronic representation of Galilei's notes on motion (MS. 72)]
* [http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft0401/reviews/barr From Myth to History and Back] - Reviews of two books on Galileo
* [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/galileo/ PBS Nova Online: ''Galileo's Battle for the Heavens'']
* [http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/andrew_white/Chapter3.html ''The Warfare of Science With Theology'' by Andrew Dickson White, Ch. 3, dealing with the conflicts of Galileo with theological dogma]
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[[Category:Engineers from Italy]]
[[Category:Mathematicians from Italy]]
[[Category:Inventors]]
[[Category:Latin authors]]
[[Category:Catholics from Italy]]
[[Category:People from Tuscany]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Italy]]
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[[File:Galilee.jpg|thumb|right|I do not feel obliged to believe that the same [[God]] who has endowed us with [[senses]], [[reason]], and [[intellect]] had intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us [[knowledge]] which we can attain by them.]]
'''[[w:Galileo Galilei|Galileo di Vincenzo Bonaiuti de' Galilei]]''' ([[15 February]] [[1564]] – [[8 January]] [[1642]]) was an [[w:Italians|Italian]] [[w:astronomer|astronomer]], [[w:physicist|physicist]], [[w:engineer|engineer]], [[w:philosopher|philosopher]], and [[w:mathematician|mathematician]] who played a major role in the [[w:Scientific Revolution|scientific revolution]] during the [[Renaissance]].
==Quotes ==
[[File:Galileo Galilei, 1564-1642 RMG BHC2699.tiff|thumb|right|You cannot [[teach]] a man anything, you can only [[help]] him to find it within himself.]]
===''[[w:Sidereus Nuncius|Sidereus Nuncius]]'' (Venice, 1609)===
* ''Quòd tertio loca à nobis fuit obſeruatum, eſt ipſiuſmet LACTEI Circuli eſſentia, ſeu materies, quam Perſpicilli beneficio adeò ad ſenſum licet intueri, vt & altercationes omnes, quæ per tot ſæcula Philoſophos excrucia runt ab oculata certitudine dirimantur, nosque à verboſis dſputationibus liberemur.''
** What was observed by us in the third place is the nature or matter of the Milky Way itself, which, with the aid of the spyglass, may be observed so well that all the disputes that for so many generations have vexed philosophers are '''destroyed by visible certainty''', and we are '''liberated from wordy arguments'''.
*** Original text as reproduced in Edward Tufte, ''Beautiful Evidence'' (Cheshire, Connecticut: Graphics Press LLC, 2006), 101 (p. 3 of 4, insert between pp. 16V & 17R. Original manuscript renders the "q" in "nosque" with acute accent.)
*** Translation by Albert Van Helden in ''Sidereus Nuncius'' (Chicago, 1989), 62
* Revealing great, unusual, and remarkable spectacles, opening these to the consideration of every man, and especially of [[Philosophy|philosophers]] and [[Astronomy|astronomers]]; as observed by Galileo Galilei, Gentleman of [[Florence]], Professor of [[Mathematics]] in the [[w:University_of_Padua|University of Padua]], with the aid of a spyglass lately invented by him, in the surface of [[Moon|the Moon]], in innumerable fixed [[stars]], in nebulae, and above all in four [[Planet|planets]] swiftly revolving about [[Jupiter]] at differing distances and periods, and known to no one before the author recently perceived them and decided they should be named the [[w:Galilean moons|Medicean Stars]]
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* About ten months ago a report reached my ears that a certain Fleming had constructed a spyglass by means of which visible objects, though very distant from the eye of the observer, were distinctly seen as if nearby. Of the truly remarkable effect several experiences were related, to which some persons gave credence while others denied them. A few days later a report was confirmed to me in a letter from a noble [[Frenchmen|Frenchman]] in [[Paris]], [[w:Giacomo Badoer|Jacques Badovere]], which caused me to apply myself wholeheartedly to inquire into means by which I might arrive at the invention of a similar instrument. This I did shortly afterwards, my basis being the theory of [[w:Refraction|refraction]]. First I prepared a tube of lead, at the ends I fitted two [[glass]] lenses, both plane on one side while on the other side one was spherically convex and the other concave. Then placing my eye near the concave lens I perceived objects satisfactorily large and near, for they appeared three times closer and nine times larger than when seen with the naked eye alone. Next I constructed another one, more accurate, which represented objects as enlarged more than sixty times. Finally, sparing neither labor nor expense, I succeeded in constructing for myself so excellent an instrument that objects seen by means of it appeared nearly one thousand times larger and over thirty times closer than when regarded with our natural vision.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
* Surely it is a great thing to increase the numerous host of fixed stars previously visible to the unaided [[vision]], adding countless more which have never before been seen, exposing these plainly to the eye in numbers ten times exceeding the old and familiar stars.
** Translation by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957)
===[http://www.heritage-history.com/www/heritage.php?Dir=books&MenuItem=display&author=gibson&book=scientists&story=letter Letter to Benedetto Castelli] (1613) ===
*"It seems to me that it was well said by Madama Serenissima, and insisted on by your reverence, that '''the [[The Bible|Holy Scripture]] cannot err, and that the decrees therein contained are absolutely true and inviolable.''' But I should have in your place added that, though Scripture cannot err, '''its expounders and interpreters are liable to err in many ways'''; and one error in particular would be most grave and most frequent, if we always stopped short at the literal signification of the words."
=== [[w:Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina|Letter to the Grand Duchess Christina]] (1615) ===
:<small> [http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/galileo-tuscany.html Essay published in 1615], in response to enquiries of [[w:Christina of Lorraine|Christina of Tuscany]], as quoted in ''Aspects of Western Civilization: Problems and Sources in History'' (1988) by Perry McAdow Rogers, p. 53</small>
* '''Some years ago, as Your Serene Highness well knows, I discovered in the heavens many things that had not been seen before our own age.''' The novelty of these things, as well as some consequences which followed from them in contradiction to the physical notions commonly held among academic philosophers, stirred up against me no small number of professors — as if I had placed these things in the sky with my own hands in order to upset nature and overturn the sciences. They seemed to forget that '''the increase of known truths stimulates the investigation, establishment, and growth of the arts; not their diminution or destruction.'''<!-- ¶1 -->
* '''The passage of time has revealed to everyone the truths that I previously set forth; and, together with the truth of the facts, there has come to light the great difference in attitude between those who simply and dispassionately refused to admit the discoveries to be true, and those who combined with their incredulity some reckless passion of their own.''' Men who were well grounded in astronomical and physical [[science]] were persuaded as soon as they received my first message. There were others who denied them or remained in doubt only because of their novel and unexpected character, and because they had not yet had the opportunity to see for themselves. These men have by degrees come to be satisfied. But some, besides allegiance to their original error, possess I know not what fanciful interest in remaining hostile not so much toward the things in question as toward their discoverer. No longer being able to deny them, these men now take refuge in obstinate silence, but being more than ever exasperated by that which has pacified and quieted other men, they divert their thoughts to other fancies and seek new ways to damage me.<!-- ¶4 -->
* Persisting in their original resolve to destroy me and everything mine by any means they can think of, these men are aware of my views in astronomy and philosophy. They know that as to the arrangement of the parts of the [[universe]], I hold the [[sun]] to be situated motionless in the center of the revolution of the celestial orbs while the [[earth]] revolves about the sun. They know also that I support this position not only by refuting the arguments of [[Ptolemy]] and [[Aristotle]], but by producing many counter-arguments; in particular, some which relate to physical effects whose causes can perhaps be assigned in no other way. In addition there are astronomical arguments derived from many things in my new celestial discoveries that plainly confute the Ptolemaic system while admirably agreeing with and confirming the contrary hypothesis.<!-- ¶6 -->
** Variant translation: I hold that the Sun is located at the centre of the revolutions of the heavenly orbs and does not change place, and that the Earth rotates on itself and moves around it. Moreover … I confirm this view not only by refuting Ptolemy's and Aristotle's arguments, but also by producing many for the other side, especially some pertaining to physical effects whose causes perhaps cannot be determined in any other way, and other astronomical discoveries; these discoveries clearly confute the Ptolemaic system, and they agree admirably with this other position and confirm it.
* To this end they make a shield of their hypocritical zeal for religion. They go about invoking the Bible, which they would have minister to their deceitful purposes. Contrary to the sense of the Bible and the intention of the holy Fathers, if I am not mistaken, they would extend such authorities until even in purely physical matters — where faith is not involved — they would have us altogether abandon reason and the evidence of our senses in favor of some biblical passage, though under the surface meaning of its words this passage may contain a different sense.<!-- ¶10 -->
* [[Copernicus]] never discusses matters of [[religion]] or [[faith]], nor does he use argument that depend in any way upon the authority of sacred writings which he might have interpreted erroneously. ... He did not ignore the Bible, but he knew very well that if his doctrine were proved, then it could not contradict the Scriptures when they were rightly understood.<!-- ¶11 -->
* '''Nature … is inexorable and immutable; she never transgresses the laws imposed upon her, or cares a whit whether her abstruse reasons and methods of operation are understandable to men.''' For that reason it appears that nothing physical which sense-experience sets before our eyes, or which necessary demonstrations prove to us, ought to be called in question (much less condemned) upon the testimony of biblical passages which may have some different meaning beneath their words. For the Bible is not chained in every expression to conditions as strict as those which govern all physical effects; nor is God any less excellently revealed in [[Nature]]'s actions than in the sacred statements of the Bible.<!-- ¶18 -->
* '''I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with senses, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use and by some other means to give us knowledge which we can attain by them.'''<!-- ¶22 -->
* I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree [probably [[w:Caesar Baronius|Caesar Baronius]]]: '''"The intention of the Holy Ghost is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how heaven goes."'''<!-- ¶25 -->
** Variant translation: I would say here something that was heard from an ecclesiastic of the most eminent degree: "That the intention of the Holy Spirit is to teach us how one goes to heaven, not how the heavens go."
=== ''[[w:Il Saggiatore|Il Saggiatore]]'' (1623) ===
[[File:Galilean satellite triple conjunction 2015-01-24.jpg|thumb|right|[[Philosophy]] is written in that great [[book]] which ever lies before our eyes — I mean the [[universe]] — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the [[language]] and grasp the symbols, in which it is written.]]
* Philosophy is written in this grand book, which stands continually open before our eyes (I say the 'Universe'), but can not be understood without first learning to comprehend the language and know the characters as it is written. It is written in mathematical language, and its characters are triangles, circles and other geometric figures, without which it is impossible to humanly understand a word; without these one is wandering in a dark labyrinth.
** From Italian: ''La filosofia è scritta in questo grandissimo libro che continuamente ci sta aperto innanzi a gli occhi (io dico l'universo), ma non si può intendere se prima non s'impara a intender la lingua, e conoscer i caratteri, ne' quali è scritto. Egli è scritto in lingua matematica, e i caratteri son triangoli, cerchi, ed altre figure geometriche, senza i quali mezi è impossibile a intenderne umanamente parola; senza questi è un aggirarsi vanamente per un oscuro laberinto.'' (cap. 6, p. [[s:it:Pagina:Le opere di Galileo Galilei VI.djvu/238|232]])
** Other translations:
*** '''Philosophy is written in that great book which ever lies before our eyes — I mean the universe — but we cannot understand it if we do not first learn the language and grasp the symbols, in which it is written.''' This book is written in the mathematical language, and the symbols are triangles, circles, and other geometrical figures, without whose help it is impossible to comprehend a single word of it; without which one wanders in vain through a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/64 ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science''] (1925) by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], p. 64 <ref>In the [https://archive.org/details/metaphysicalfoun00burtuoft/page/n7 Preface], Burtt states "I must accept responsibility for the translations of … Galileo (except his Dialogues Concerning the Two Great Systems of the World and Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences, where I have used the translations noted)" (p. v-vi), implying Burtt is the author of this translation.</ref>
*** '''Philosophy is written in this grand book — I mean the universe — which stands continually open to our gaze, but it cannot be understood unless one first learns to comprehend the language in which it is written.''' It is written in the language of mathematics, and its characters are triangles, circles, and other geometric figures, without which it is humanly impossible to understand a single word of it; without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth.
**** As translated in ''The Philosophy of the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries'' (1966) by Richard Henry Popkin, p. 65
===Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1624)===
:<small>Letter to Francesco Ingoli (1578-1649), as translated in ''Galileo at Work: His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 294</small>
[[File:Water drop 001.jpg |thumb|right|A bucketful of [[water]] raised on high and set [[free]], returns to the [[sea]]; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?]]
* Whence do you have it that the terrestrial globe is so heavy? For my part, either I do not know what heaviness is, or the terrestrial globe is neither heavy nor light, as likewise all other globes of the universe. Heaviness to me (and I believe to Nature) is that innate tendency by which a body resists being moved from its natural place and by which, when forcibly removed therefrom, it spontaneously returns there. Thus '''a bucketful of water raised on high and set free, returns to the sea; but who will say that the same water remains heavy ''in'' the sea, when being set free there, does not move?'''
* I tell you that if natural bodies have it from Nature to be moved by any movement, this can only be circular motion, nor is it possible that Nature has given to any of its integral bodies a propensity to be moved by straight motion. I have many confirmations of this proposition, but for the present one alone suffices, which is this. I suppose the parts of the universe to be in the best arrangement, so that none is out of its place, which is to say that Nature and God have perfectly arranged their structure. This being so, it is impossible for those parts to have it from Nature to be moved in straight, or in other than circular motion, because what moves straight changes place, and if it changes place naturally, then it was at first in a place preternatural to it, which goes against the supposition. Therefore, if the parts of the world are well ordered, straight motion is superfluous and not natural, and they can only have it when some body is forcibly removed from its natural place, to which it would then return by a straight line, for thus it appears that a part of the earth does [move] when separated from its whole. I said "it appears to us," because I am not against thinking that not even for such an effect does Nature make use of straight line motion.
** A note on this statement is included by [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] in his ''Galileo at Work, His Scientific Biography'' (1981): ''Galileo adhered to this position in his ''Dialogue'' at least as to the "integral bodies of the universe." by which he meant stars and planets, here called "parts of the universe." But he did not attempt to explain the planetary motions on any mechanical basis, nor does this argument from "best arrangement" have any bearing on inertial motion, which to Galileo was indifference to motion and rest and not a tendency to move, either circularly or straight.''
=== ''[[w:Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems|Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems]]'' (1632)===
:<small> A dialogue between fictional characters Sagredo (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Giovanni Francesco Sagredo|Giovanni Francesco Sagredo]]), Salviati (named after Galileo's friend [[w:Filippo Salviati|Filippo Salviati]]) and Simplicio (named after long dead philosopher [[w:Simplicius of Cilicia|Simplicius of Cilicia]]), from the translations by [[w:Stilman Drake|Stilman Drake]] (1953), unless otherwise noted.</small>
:<small>See also ''[[The Systeme of the World: in Four Dialogues]]'', Thomas Salusbury's translation of ''Dialogo sopra i due Massimi Sistemi del Mondo'' (1632)</small>
[[File:Galileos Dialogue Title Page.png|thumb|To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest [[beginnings]], is no task for ordinary [[minds]]; to divine that wonderful [[arts]] lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for [[superhuman]] [[talents]].]]
[[File:Orangen.jpg|thumb|right|If there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of [[gold]] just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant [[flowers]], and fine [[fruit]].]]
[[File:Earth-Moon System.jpg|thumb|right|If you could see the [[earth]] illuminated when you were in a place as [[dark]] as [[night]], it would look to you more splendid than the [[moon]].]]
[[File:Pływy morskie.svg|thumb|right|Among all the [[great]] [[men]] who have [[philosophized]] about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute [[mind]], and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the [[earth]], he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the [[moon]]'s dominion over the [[waters]], to occult properties, and to such puerilities.]]
* It always seems to me extreme rashness on the part of some when they want to make human [[abilities]] the measure of what nature can do. On the contrary, there is not a single effect in nature, even the least that exists, such that the most ingenious theorists can arrive at a complete understanding of it. This vain presumption of understanding everything can have no other basis than never understanding anything. For anyone who had experienced just once the perfect understanding of one single thing, and had truly tasted how knowledge is accomplished, would recognize that of the [[infinity]] of other truths he understands nothing.
** Day One
* To apply oneself to great inventions, starting from the smallest beginnings, is no task for ordinary minds; to divine that wonderful arts lie hid behind trivial and childish things is a conception for superhuman talents.
* I cannot without great astonishment — I might say without great insult to my [[intelligence]] — hear it attributed as a prime perfection and nobility of the natural and integral bodies of the universe that they are invariant, immutable, inalterable, etc., while on the other hand it is called a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, mutable, etc. For my part I consider the earth very noble and admirable precisely because of the diverse alterations, changes, generations, etc. that occur in it incessantly. If, not being subject to any changes, it were a vast desert of sand or a mountain of jasper, or if at the time of the flood the waters which covered it had frozen, and it had remained an enormous globe of ice where nothing was ever born or ever altered or changed, I should deem it a useless lump in the universe, devoid of activity and, in a word, superfluous and essentially non-existent. This is exactly the difference between a living animal and a dead one; and I say the same of the moon, of Jupiter, and of all other world globes. {{pb}} The deeper I go in considering the vanities of popular reasoning, the lighter and more foolish I find them. What greater stupidity can be imagined than that of calling jewels, silver, and gold "precious," and earth and soil "base"? People who do this ought to remember that if there were as great a scarcity of soil as of jewels or precious metals, there would not be a prince who would not spend a bushel of diamonds and rubies and a cartload of gold just to have enough earth to plant a jasmine in a little pot, or to sow an orange seed and watch it sprout, grow, and produce its handsome leaves, its fragrant flowers, and fine fruit. It is scarcity and plenty that make the vulgar take things to be precious or worthless; they call a diamond very beautiful because it is like pure water, and then would not exchange one for ten barrels of water. Those who so greatly exalt incorruptibility, inalterability, etc. are reduced to talking this way, I believe, by their great desire to go on living, and by the terror they have of death. They do not reflect that if men were immortal, they themselves would never have come into the world. Such men really deserve to encounter a Medusa's head which would transmute them into statues of jasper or of diamond, and thus make them more perfect than they are.
** Sagredo
** Variant translation: I cannot without great wonder, nay more, disbelief, hear it being attributed to natural bodies as a great honor and perfection that they are impassable, immutable, inalterable, etc.: as conversely, I hear it esteemed a great imperfection to be alterable, generable, and mutable. It is my opinion that the earth is very noble and admirable by reason of the many and different alterations, mutations, and generations which incessantly occur in it. And if, without being subject to any alteration, it had been one great heap of sand, or a mass of jade, or if, since the time of the deluge, the waters freezing which covered it, it had continued an immense globe of crystal, wherein nothing had ever grown, altered, or changed, I should have esteemed it a wretched lump of no benefit to the Universe, a mass of idleness, and in a word superfluous, exactly as if it had never been in Nature. The difference for me would be the same as between a living and a dead creature. I say the same concerning the Moon, Jupiter, and all the other globes of the Universe. <br> The more I delve into the consideration of the vanity of popular discourses, the more empty and simple I find them. What greater folly can be imagined than to call gems, silver, and gold noble, and earth and dirt base? For do not these persons consider that if there were as great a scarcity of earth as there is of jewels and precious metals, there would be no king who would not gladly give a heap of diamonds and rubies and many ingots of gold to purchase only so much earth as would suffice to plant a jessamine in a little pot or to set a tangerine in it, that he might see it sprout, grow up, and bring forth such goodly leaves, fragrant flowers, and delicate fruit? It is scarcity and plenty that makes things esteemed and despised by the vulgar, who will say that there is a most beautiful diamond, for it resembles a clear water, and yet would not part from it for ten tons of water. These men who so extol incorruptibility, inalterability, and so on, speak thus, I believe, out of the great desire they have to live long and for fear of death, not considering that, if men had been immortal, they would not have come into the world. These people deserve to meet with a Medusa's head that would transform them into statues of diamond and jade, that so they might become more perfect than they are.
*** Part of this passage, in Italian, ''I detrattori della corruptibilitá meriterebber d'esser cangiati in statue.'', has also ben translated into English as "Detractors of corruptibility deserve being turned into statues."
**** [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/le_opere_di_galileo_galilei_edizione_nazionale_sotto_gli_etc/pdf/le_ope_p.pdf ''Dialogo sopra i due massimi sistemi del mondo.'' (PDF)], Le Opere di Galileo Galilei vol. VII, pg. 58.
**** Compare [[Maimonides]] "If man were never subject to change there could be no generation; there would be one single being..." [[Maimonides#Guide_for_the_Perplexed_.28c._1190.29|''Guide for the Perplexed'' (c. 1190)]]
* If what we are discussing were a point of [[law]] or of the [[humanities]], in which neither true nor false exists, one might trust in subtlety of mind and readiness of tongue and in the greater experience of the writers, and expect him who excelled in those things to make his reasoning most plausible, and one might judge it to be the best. But in the natural sciences, whose conclusions are true and necessary and have nothing to do with human will, one must take care not to place oneself in the defense of error; for here a thousand Demostheneses and a thousand Aristotles would be left in the lurch by every mediocre wit who happened to hit upon the truth for himself. Therefore, Simplicio, give up this idea and this hope of yours that there may be men so much more learned, erudite, and well-read than the rest of us as to be able to make that which is false become true in defiance of nature.
**Salviati, p. 61
* If you could see the earth illuminated when you were in a place as dark as night, it would look to you more splendid than the moon.
**Salviati, p. 88
* In the long run my observations have convinced me that some men, reasoning preposterously, first establish some conclusion in their minds which, either because of its being their own or because of their having received it from some person who has their entire confidence, impresses them so deeply that one finds it impossible ever to get it out of their heads. Such arguments in support of their fixed idea as they hit upon themselves or hear set forth by others, no matter how simple and stupid these may be, gain their instant acceptance and applause. On the other hand whatever is brought forward against it, however ingenious and conclusive, they receive with disdain or with hot rage — if indeed it does not make them ill. Beside themselves with passion, some of them would not be backward even about scheming to suppress and silence their adversaries.
**p. 322
* Among all the great men who have philosophized about this remarkable effect, I am more astonished at [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] than at any other. Despite his open and acute mind, and though he has at his fingertips the motions attributed to the earth, he nevertheless lent his ear and his assent to the moon's dominion over the waters, to occult properties, and to such [[wiktionary:puerility|puerilities]].
** In regard to Kepler's belief of the moon affecting the tides of the Earth, p. 328
* The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.
** Loose paraphrase of Salviati on [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/dialogue3.html Day 3]: "For when the sun draws up some vapors here, or warms a plant there, it draws these and warms this as if it had nothing else to do. Even in ripening a bunch of grapes, or perhaps just a single grape, it applies itself so effectively that it could not do more even if the goal of all its affairs were just the ripening of this one grape."
* Of such are the mathematical sciences alone; that is, [[geometry]] and [[arithmetic]], in which the Divine intellect indeed knows infinitely more propositions, since it knows all. But with regard to those few which the human intellect does understand, I believe its knowledge equals the Divine in objective certainty, for here it succeeds in understanding necessity, beyond which there can be no greater sureness.
** In the 1661 translation by [[w:Thomas Salusbury|Thomas Salusbury]]: … such are the pure Mathematical sciences, to wit, Geometry and Arithmetick: in which Divine Wisdom knows infinite more propositions, because it knows them all; but I believe that the knowledge of those few comprehended by humane understanding, equalleth the divine, as to the certainty objectivè, for that it arriveth to comprehend the necessity thereof, than which there can be no greater certainty." p. 92 (from the [http://archimedes.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/cgi-bin/toc/toc.cgi?page=92;dir=galil_syste_065_en_1661;step=textonly Archimedes Project])
** In the original Italian: … tali sono le scienze matematiche pure, cioè la geometria e l’aritmetica, delle quali l’intelletto divino ne sa bene infinite proposizioni di piú, perché le sa tutte, ma di quelle poche intese dall’intelletto umano credo che la cognizione agguagli la divina nella certezza obiettiva, poiché arriva a comprenderne la necessità, sopra la quale non par che possa esser sicurezza maggiore." (from the copy at the [[wikisource:it:Dialogo_sopra_i_due_massimi_sistemi_del_mondo_tolemaico_e_copernicano/Giornata_prima|Italian Wikisource]]).
* I cannot sufficiently admire the eminence of those men's wits, that have received and held it to be true, and with the sprightliness of their judgments offered such violence to their own senses, as that they have been able to prefer that which their reason dictated to them, to that which sensible experiments represented most manifestly to the contrary. ...I cannot find any bounds for my admiration, how that reason was able in [[Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]] and [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]], to commit such a [[rape]] on their senses, as in despite thereof to make herself mistress of their credulity.
** Thomas Salusbury translation (1661) p. 301 as quoted by [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
=== Letter to Fr. Vincenzo Renieri (''c''. 1633) ===
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Facade - Galileo.JPG|thumb|right|Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition!]]
[[File:Villa Il Gioiello - Overview.jpg|thumb|right|I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.]]
:<small> Letter to Galileo's "intimate friend and disciple, the Father [[w:Vincentio Reinieri|Vincenzo Renieri]]" (1606-1647), who was chair of the mathematics department at the [[w:University of Pisa|University of Pisa]] from 1640 to 1647, as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?vid=0L0sP_8IL8mQL8Gy&id=gglJssJIjIwC&pg=RA2-PA242&printsec=8&dq=%22a+selection+from+italian+prose+writers%22 ''A Selection from Italian Prose Writers: with a double translation: for the use of students of the Italian language on the Hamiltonian system'' (1828)]</small>
* After the publication of my dialogues, I was summoned to Rome by the [[w:Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith|Congregation of the holy Office]], where, being arrived on the 10th of February 1633, I was subjected to the infinite clemency of that tribunal, and of the Sovereign Pontiff, [[w:Pope Urban VIII|Urban the Eighth]]; who, notwithstanding, thought me deserving of his esteem.
** pp. 145–146
* I am certainly interested in a tribunal in which, for having used my reason, I was deemed little less than a [[w:Heresy|heretic]]. Who knows but men will reduce me from the profession of a philosopher to that of historian of the Inquisition! But they behave to me in order that I may become the ''ignoramus and the fool of Italy''...
** p. 244
* I was obliged to retract, like a good Catholic, this opinion of mine; and as a punishment my dialogue was prohibited; and after five months being dismissed from Rome (at the time that the city of [[w:Florence|Florence]] was infected with [[w:Plague|plague]]), the habitation which with generous pity was assigned to me, was that of the dearest friend I had in [[w:Siena|Siena]], Monsignor the Archbishop [[w:Ascanio II Piccolomini|Piccolomini]], whose most agreeable conversation I enjoyed with such quite and satisfaction of mind, that having there resumed my studies, I discovered and demonstrated a great number on the mechanical conclusions on the resistance of solids … after about five months, the pestilence having ceased, the confinement of that house was changed by His Holiness for the freedom of the country so agreeable to me, whence I returned to the villa of Bellosguardo, and afterwards to [[w:Arcetri|Arcetri]], where I still breathe salubrious air near my dear native-country Florence. Stay sane.
** p. 251-253
=== ''[[w:Two New Sciences|Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences]]'' (1638) ===
:<small>[http://books.google.com/books?id=fdnPAAAAMAAJ Henry Crew & Alfonso de Salvio translation] (1914) unless otherwise noted</small>
: <small>Interlocutors: Salviati, Sagredo and Simplicio</small>
* Well, since paradoxes are at hand, '''let us see how it might be demonstrated that in a finite continuous extension it is not impossible for infinitely many voids to be found.'''
** Salviati, First Day, <!--268?--> [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974)
*I am quite convinced; and, believe me, '''if I were again beginning my studies, I should follow the advice of Plato and start with mathematics''', a science which proceeds very cautiously and admits nothing as established until it has been rigidly demonstrated.
**Simplicio, First Day, page 90.
* My purpose is to set forth a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject. '''There is, in nature, perhaps nothing older than motion, concerning which the books written by philosophers are neither few nor small; nevertheless I have discovered by experiment some properties of it which are worth knowing and which have not hitherto been either observed or demonstrated.''' Some superficial observations have been made, as, for instance, that the free motion [''naturalem motum''] of a heavy falling body is continuously accelerated; but to just what extent this acceleration occurs has not yet been announced; for so far as I know, '''no one has yet pointed out that the [[Distance|distances]] traversed, during equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''It has been observed that missiles and projectiles describe a curved path of some sort; however no one has pointed out the fact that this path is a [[w:Parabola#History|parabola]]. But this and other facts''', not few in number or less worth knowing, '''I have succeeded in proving; and what I consider more important, there have been opened up to this vast and most excellent science, of which my work is merely the beginning, ways and means by which other minds more acute than mine will explore its remote corners.'''
** Author, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.153 [190]-->
* '''This''' [experimentation] '''is the custom—and properly so—in those sciences where mathematical demonstrations are applied to natural phenomena''', as is seen in the case of perspective, astronomy, mechanics, music, and others '''where the principles, once established by well-chosen experiments, become the foundations of the entire superstructure.'''
** Salviati, Third Day. Change of Position<!--p.178 [213]-->
* '''See now the power of truth'''; the same experiment which at first glance seemed to show one thing, when more carefully examined, assures us of the contrary.
** Salviati, Third Day. Naturally Accelerated Motion<!--p.164 [200]-->
* Indeed, I think we may concede to our Academician, without flattery, his claim that in the principle [principio, i. e., accelerated motion] laid down in this treatise he has established a new science dealing with a very old subject. Observing with what ease and clearness he deduces from a single principle the proofs of so many theorems, I wonder not a little how such a question escaped the attention of [[Archimedes]], [[Apollonius of Tyana|Apollonius]], [[Euclid]] and so many other [[mathematicians]] and illustrious philosophers, especially since so many ponderous tomes have been devoted to the subject of motion. (Galileo referred to himself as the/our Academician in his dialogue)
** Sagredo, Third Day P. 242
* I mentally conceive of some moveable [sphere] projected on a horizontal plane, all impediments being put aside. Now it is evident... that equable motion on this plane would be perpetual if the plane were of infinite extent, but if we assume it to be ended, and [situated] on high, the movable, driven to the end of this plane and going on further, adds on to its previous equable and indelible motion, that downward tendency which it has from its heaviness. Thus, there emerges a certain motion, compounded...
** Author, Day Four, On the Motion of Projectiles, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 268
* Proposition I. Theorem I: When a projectile is carried in motion compounded from equable horizontal and from naturally accelerated downward [motions], it describes a semiparabolic line in its movement.
** Author, Day Four, Stillman Drake translation (1974) p. 269
* The speed of the ball—thanks to opposition from the air—will not go on increasing forever. Rather, what will happen is seen in bodies of very little weight falling through no great distance; I mean, a reduction to equable motion, which will occur also in a lead or iron ball after the descent of some thousands of [[wiktionary:braccio#Noun|braccia]]. '''This bounded terminal speed will be called the maximum that such a heavy body can naturally attain through the air'''...
** Salviati, Day Four, 278-279 Stillman Drake translation (1974)
* It seems to me proper to adorn the Author's thought here with its conformity to a conception of [[Plato|Plato's]] regarding the determination of the various speeds of equable motion in the celestial motions of revolution. ...he said that God, after having created the movable celestial bodies, in order to assign to them those speeds with which they must be moved perpetually in equable circular motion, made them depart from rest and move through determinate spaces in that natural straight motion in which we sensibly see our moveables to be moved from the state of rest, successively accelerating. And he added that these having been made to gain that degree [of speed] which it pleased '''God''' that they should maintain forever, He '''turned their straight motion into circulation, the only kind''' [of motion] '''that is suitable to be conserved equably, turning always without retreat from or approach toward any pre-established goal desired by them. The conception is truly worthy''' of Plato, and it is '''to be more esteemed to the extent that its foundations''', of which Plato remained silent, but '''which were discovered by our Author in removing their poetical mask or semblance, show it the guise of a true story.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen's]] thesis: Galileo believed only circular (not straight line) motion may be conserved (perpetual), see ''The New Birth of Physics'' (1960).
** Sagredo, Day Four, [[w:Stillman Drake|Stillman Drake]] translation (1974) pp.283-284
[[File:Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens.jpg|thumb|276x276px|Galileo Galilei by Peter Paul Rubens (c. 1630)]]
===Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1639) ===
:<small>Letter to Giovanni Battista Baliani (1 August 1639), as translated in ''Galileo at Work: His Scientific Biography'' (1978) by Stillman Drake, p. 399 - 401</small>
* It now remains that we find the amount of time of descent through the channel. This we shall obtain from the marvelous property of the [[pendulum]], which is that it makes all its vibrations, large or small, in equal times. This requires, once and for all, that two or three or four patient and curious friends, having noted a fixed star that stands against some fixed marker, taking a pendulum of any length, shall go counting its vibrations during the whole time of return of the fixed star to its original point, and this will be the number of vibrations in 24 hours. From the number of these we can find the number of vibrations of any other pendulums, longer or shorter, at will, so that if for example those counted by us in 24 hours were 234,567, then taking another shorter pendulum with which one counts 800 vibrations while another counts 150 of the longer pendulum, we already have, by the golden rule, the number of vibrations for the whole time of 24 hours; and if we want to know the time of descent through the channel, we can easily find not only the minutes, seconds, and sixtieths of seconds, but beyond that as we please. It is true that we can pass a more exact measure by having observed the flow of water through a thin passage, for by collecting this and having weighed what passes in one minute, for example, then by weighing what passes in the time of descent through the channel we can find the most exact measure and quantity of this time, especially by making use of a balance so precise as to weigh one sixtieth of a grain.
* If I shall have sufficient strength to improve and amplify what was written and published by me up to now about motion by adding some little speculations, and in particular those relating to the force of percussion, in the investigation of which I have consumed hundreds and thousands of hours, and finally reduced this to very easy explanation, so that people can understand it in less than half an hour of time.
===Other quotes===
[[File:Jupiter-moons.jpg|thumb|right|My dear [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]], what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?]]
[[File:Dan Hershman - heart shaped sunspot (by) (1).jpg|thumb|right|The modern observations deprive all former writers of any [[authority]], since if they had seen what we see, they would have [[judged]] as we judge.]]
[[File:Port wine.jpg|thumb|right|A mixture of moisture and light.]]
* '''I esteem myself happy to have as great an ally as you in my search for truth.''' I will read your work … all the more willingly because I have for many years been a partisan of the Copernican view because it reveals to me the causes of many natural phenomena that are entirely incomprehensible in the light of the generally accepted hypothesis. To refute the latter I have collected many proofs, but I do not publish them, because I am deterred by the fate of our teacher [[Copernicus]] who, although he had won immortal fame with a few, was ridiculed and condemned by countless people (for very great is the number of the stupid).
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1596), as quoted in ''The Story of Civilization: The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 603
* What has philosophy got to do with measuring anything? It's the mathematicians you have to trust, and they measure the skies like we measure a field.
** "Matteo" in ''Concerning the New Star'' (1606)
* '''My dear Kepler, what would you say of the learned here, who, replete with the pertinacity of the asp, have steadfastly refused to cast a glance through the telescope?''' What shall we make of this? '''Shall we laugh, or shall we cry?'''
** Letter to [[Johannes Kepler]] (1610), as quoted in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio De Santillana
* ''sì perché l'autorità dell'opinione di mille nelle scienze non val per una scintilla di ragione di un solo, sì perché le presenti osservazioni spogliano d'autorità i decreti de' passati scrittori, i quali se vedute l'avessero, avrebbono diversamente determinato.''
** for '''in the sciences the authority of thousands of opinions is not worth as much as one tiny spark of reason in an individual man.''' Besides, '''the modern observations deprive all former writers of any authority, since if they had seen what we see, they would have judged as we judge.'''
*** Third letter on sunspots (December 1612) to Mark Wesler (1558 - 1614), as quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 134 - 135; Italian text online at [http://www.liberliber.it/biblioteca/g/galilei/lettere/html/lett08c.htm Liber Liber], also from [http://www.intratext.com/IXT/ITA0188/_PQ.HTM IntraText].
** Variant translation: '''In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual.'''
*** As quoted in ''Biographies of Distinguished Scientific Men'' (1859) by [[François Arago]], as translated by Baden Powell, Robert Grant, and William Fairbairn, p. 365
* We seek not what God could have done but what He has done.… God could have caused birds to fly with bones of solid gold, with veins full of quicksilver, with flesh heavier than lead and very small and heavy wings, so as to better show His power … but He wanted to make their bones, flesh and feathers very light … to teach us that He likes simplicity and ease.
**Notes in a copy of Jean-Baptiste Morin's "Famous and ancient problems of the earth's motion or rest, yet to be solved" (published 1631). Some English sources incorrectly attribute this to the ''Dialogue'', concluding it (also inaccurately): "It is only to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle." See "Misattributed" below for details.
* After an injunction had been judicially intimated to me by this Holy Office, to the effect that I must altogether abandon the false opinion that the sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center of the world, and moves, and that I must not hold, defend, or teach in any way whatsoever, verbally or in writing, the said false doctrine, and after it had been notified to me that the said doctrine was contrary to Holy Scripture — I wrote and printed a book in which I discuss this new doctrine already condemned, and adduce arguments of great cogency in its favor, without presenting any solution of these, and for this reason '''I have been pronounced by the Holy Office to be vehemently suspected of heresy, that is to say, of having held and believed that the Sun is the center of the world and immovable, and that the earth is not the center and moves: <br /> Therefore, desiring to remove from the minds of your Eminences, and of all faithful Christians, this vehement suspicion, justly conceived against me, with sincere heart and unfeigned faith I abjure, curse, and detest the aforesaid errors and heresies, and generally every other error, [[heresy]], and sect whatsoever contrary to the said [[Catholic Church|Holy Church]]''', and I swear that in the future I will never again say or assert, verbally or in writing, anything that might furnish occasion for a similar suspicion regarding me; but that should I know any heretic, or person suspected of heresy, I will denounce him to this Holy Office, or to the Inquisitor or Ordinary of the place where I may be. Further, I swear and promise to fulfill and observe in their integrity all penances that have been, or that shall be, imposed upon me by this Holy Office. And, in the event of my contravening, (which God forbid) any of these my promises and oaths, I submit myself to all the pains and penalties imposed and promulgated in the sacred canons and other constitutions, general and particular, against such delinquents. So help me God, and these His Holy Gospels, which I touch with my hands. <br />I, the said Galileo Galilei, have abjured, sworn, promised, and bound myself as above; and in witness of the truth thereof I have with my own hand subscribed the present document of my abjuration, and recited it word for word at Rome, in the Convent of Minerva, this twenty-second day of June, 1633.
**Recantation (22 June 1633) as quoted in [http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/galileo/recantation.html ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955) by Giorgio de Santillana, p. 312]. <!-- also in ''Galileo's Mistake'' (2012) by Wade Rowland -->
* I have been in my bed for five weeks, oppressed with weakness and other infirmities from which my age, seventy four years, permits me not to hope release. Added to this (''proh dolor!'' [O misery!]) the sight of my right eye — that eye whose labors (dare I say it) have had such glorious results — is for ever lost. That of the left, which was and is imperfect, is rendered null by continual weeping.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (4 July 1637), as translated in [http://books.google.com/books?id=ixUCAAAAYAAJ ''The Private Life of Galileo: Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870)] by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 278
* Alas! Your dear friend and servant Galileo has been for the last month hopelessly blind; so that this heaven, this earth, this universe, which I by my marvelous discoveries and clear demonstrations had enlarged a hundred thousand times beyond the belief of the wise men of bygone ages, henceforward for me is shrunk into such a small space as is filled by my own bodily sensations.
** Letter to [[w:Élie Diodati|Élie Diodati]] (2 January 1638), as translated in ''The Private Life of Galileo: Compiled primarily from his correspondence and that of his eldest daughter, Sister Maria Celeste'' (1870) by Mary Allan-Olney, p. 279
* '''Wine is a mixture of moisture and light.'''
**As quoted in Lorenzo Magalotti's ''Scientific and Scholarly Letter'' (1721)
* '''Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, since things come first and names afterwards.'''
** As quoted in ''Discoveries and Opinions of Galileo'' (1957) by Stillman Drake, p. 92
** Variant translation: Names and attributes must be accommodated to the essence of things, and not the essence to the names, because things came first, and their names subsequently.
== Attributed ==
[[File:Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 Approaching Jupiter in 1994.jpg|thumb|right|All [[truths]] are easy to [[understand]] once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.]]
* '''All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.'''
** As quoted in ''Angels in the workplace: stories and inspirations for creating a new world of work'' (1999) by Melissa Giovagnoli
* I have never met a man so ignorant that I could not learn something from him.
** As quoted in ''The Story of Civilization: The Age of Reason Begins, 1558-1648'' (1935) by [[Will Durant]], p. 605
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* '''''Eppur si muove.'''''
** "And yet it moves" or "still it moves" is a comment he is alleged to have made in regard to the Earth after his recantation before the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]]. [[w:Giuseppe Marc'Antonio Baretti|Giuseppe Baretti]] was apparently the first person to record the story. Noted as a misattribution in Paul F. Boller, John George, ''They Never Said It: A Book of Fake Quotes, Misquotes, and Misleading Attributions'' (1990), p. 30.
* It is only in order to shield your ignorance that you put the Lord at every turn to the refuge of a miracle.
** Giorgio de Santillana attributed this remark to the ''Dialogue'' in ''The Crime of Galileo'' (1955), but it does not appear there. A vaguely similar exchange appears in the Fourth Day of the ''Dialogue'', when Salviati asks Simplicio why he resorts to a miracle to explain the tides, if they might be explained from movement of the earth. However, the specific wording comes instead from [[Thomas Browne]]'s ''Religio Medici'', where he states that the presence of wild animals on distant islands after the Deluge put [[Augustine of Hippo]] "to the refuge of a miracle," referring in turn to [[s:Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers: Series I/Volume II/City of God/Book XVI/Chapter 7|''The City of God'' XVI.7]].
* Mathematics is the key and door to the sciences.
** As quoted in ''Building Fluency Through Practice and Performance'' (2008) by Timothy Rasinski and Lorraine Griffith, p. 64, but in fact a quotation by [[w:Roger Bacon|Roger Bacon]]: ''Et harum scientiarum porta et clavis est Mathematica'', "And of these sciences the door and key is mathematics", from Bacon's ''Opus Majus'' (1267) [https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=UfqcGd8NOFsC&pg=PA97&lpg=PA97&dq=%22porta+et+clavis%22+opus+majus&source=bl&ots=nGgt2Lhxqe&sig=88kIPB5EAKAKtm0APk6J5OrS1D0&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiU36D2gIbLAhVBWBQKHSW9CKgQ6AEINDAE#v=onepage&q=%22porta%20et%20clavis%22%20opus%20majus&f=false].
* Measure what is measurable, and make measurable what is not so.
** The quote is widely misattributed to Galilei, but is actually from two French scholars, Antoine-Augustin Cournot and Thomas-Henri Martin. See "Der messende Luchs: Zwei verbreitete Fehler in der Galilei-Literatur" by Andreas Kleinert in "NTM Zeitschrift für Geschichte der Wissenschaften, Technik und Medizin" May 2009, Volume 17, Issue 2, pp 199–206.
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Galileo ==
[[File:Galileo before the Holy Office.jpg |250px|thumb|right|Galileo was no [[idiot]]. Only an idiot can believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom… ~ [[David Hilbert]] ]]
* [I]t was upon... inequality of motions in point of [[w:velocity|velocity]] that Galileo built his theory of flux and reflux of the sea; supposing that the earth revolved faster than the [[water]] could follow; and that the water was therefore first gathered in a heap and then fell down, as we see in a basin of water moved quickly. But this he devised upon an assumption which cannot be allowed, viz. that the earth moves; and also without being well informed as to the sexhorary motion of the tide.
** [[Francis Bacon]], ''Novum Organum'' (1620) as quoted in ''The Works of Francis Bacon: Translations of the Philosophical Works'' (1875) [https://books.google.com/books?id=oOYkAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA212 p. 212,] Vol. IV of ''Translations of the Philosophical Works'' ed. James Spedding, Robert Leslie Ellis, Douglas Denon Heath.
* Galileo observed as early as 1638 that there are precisely as many squares 1, 4, 9, 16, 25,... as are positive integers all together. This is evident from the sequences{{center/s}}1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, ... , ''n'', ...<br />1<sup>2</sup>, 2<sup>2</sup>, 3<sup>2</sup>, 4<sup>2</sup>, 5<sup>2</sup>, 6<sup>2</sup>, ..., ''n''<sup></sup>, ...{{center/e}} He thus recognized the fundamental distinction between finite and infinite classes that became current in the late [[19th century|nineteenth century]]. An infinite class is one in which there is a one-to-one correspondence between the whole class and a subclass of the whole. Or, what is equivalent, there are as many things in one part of an infinite class as there are in the whole class.<br />...A class whose elements can be put in a one-to-one correspondence with the integers 1, 2, 3, ... is said to be [[w:Countable set|denumerable]]. All the points in any line segment, finite or infinite in length, form a [[w:Uncountable set|non-denumerable set]]. A basic course in calculus starts from the theory of point sets. The distinction between denumerable and non-denumerable classes was not started by Galileo; it was observed about 1840 by [[w:Bernard Bolzano|Bolzano]] and in 1878 by [[Georg Cantor|Cantor]]. But '''Galileo's recognition of the cardinal property of all infinite classes makes him one of the genuine anticipators in the history of calculus. The other was [[Archimedes]].'''<!--p.138-->
** [[Eric Temple Bell]], ''The Development of Mathematics'' (1940)
* '''The credit of first using the telescope for astronomical purposes''' is almost invariably attributed to Galilei, though his first observations were in all probability slightly later in date than those of [[w:Thomas Harriot|Harriot]] and [[w:Simon Marius|Marius]], '''is to a great extent justified''' by the persistent way in which he examined object after object, whenever there seemed any reasonable prospect of results following, by the energy and acuteness with which he followed up each clue, by the independence of mind with which he interpreted his observations, and above all by the insight with which he realised their astronomical importance.
** Arthur Berry, [http://books.google.com/books?id=NsIKAAAAIAAJ ''A Short History of Astronomy''] (1899)
* His brilliant discoveries the man of science regards as his peculiar property; the means by which they were made, and the development of his intellectual character, belong to the [[Logic|logician]] and to the philosopher; but the triumphs and the reverses of his eventful life must be claimed for our common nature, as a source of more than ordinary instruction.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA13 p. 13], (1860 edition).
* [I]f [[Francis Bacon|Bacon]] had never lived, the student of nature would have found in the writings and labours of Galileo, not only the boasted principles of the inductive philosophy, but also their practical application to the highest efforts of invention and discovery.
** [[David Brewster]], ''The Martyrs of Science: Or, The Lives of Galileo, Tycho Brahe, and Kepler'' (1841) [https://books.google.com/books?id=xF1kAAAAMAAJ&pg=PA114 p. 114], (1860 edition).
* '''Others before him had asked why heavy bodies fall; now''', the homogeneity of the earth with the heavenly bodies having suggested that terrestrial motion is a proper subject for exact mathematical study, '''we have the further question raised: how do they fall?''' with the expectation that the answer will be given in mathematical terms.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''[[The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science]]'' (1925)
* [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernicus]] had taken one course in treating the earth as virtually a celestial body in the [[Aristotle: a Chapter from the History of Science#Ch.7 Aristotle's Physics, Meteorology, and Mechanics|Aristotelian sense]]—a perfect sphere governed by the laws which operated in the higher reaches of the skies. Galileo complemented this by taking now the opposite course—rather treating the heavenly bodies as terrestrial ones, regarding the planets as subject to the very laws which applied to balls sliding down inclined planes. There was something in all this which tended to the reduction of the whole universe to uniform physical laws, and it is clear that the world was coming to be more ready to admit such a view.
** [[Herbert Butterfield]], ''The Origins of Modern Science'' (1949)
* In [[w:Santa Croce, Florence|Santa Croce]]'s holy precincts lie<br />Ashes which make it holier, dust which is<br />Even in itself an immortality,<br />Though there were nothing save the past, and this,<br />The particle of those sublimities<br />Which have relapsed to chaos: here repose<br />[[Michelangelo|Angelo]]'s, [[Vittorio Alfieri|Alfieri]]'s bones, and his,<br />The starry Galileo, with his woes;<br />Here [[Niccolò Machiavelli|Machiavelli]]'s earth returned to whence it rose.<br /><br />These are four minds, which, like the elements,<br />Might furnish forth creation:—Italy!<br />Time, which hath wronged thee with ten thousand rents<br />Of thine imperial garment, shall deny,<br />And hath denied, to every other sky,<br />Spirits which soar from ruin: thy decay<br />Is still impregnate with divinity,<br />Which gilds it with revivifying ray;<br />Such as the great of yore [[w:Antonio Canova|Canova]] is to-day.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Childe Harold's Pilgrimage]]'', Canto IV (1818) Stanzas 54-55.
* While [[Simon Stevin|Stevin]] investigated {{w|statics}}, Galileo pursued principally [[w:Dynamics (mechanics)|dynamics]]. Galileo was the first to abandon the [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] idea that bodies descend more quickly in proportion as they are heavier; he established the first [[w:Newton's laws of motion|law of motion]]; determined the laws of falling bodies; and, having obtained a clear notion of acceleration and of the independence of different motions, was able to prove that projectiles move in [[w:Parabola#History|parabolic]] curves. Up to his time it was believed that a cannon-ball moved forward at first in a straight line and then suddenly fell vertically to the ground. Galileo had an understanding of ''{{w|centrifugal force}}s'', and gave a correct definition of ''{{w|momentum}}''. Though he formulated the fundamental principles of statics, known as the ''{{w|parallelogram of force}}s'', yet he did not fully recognise its scope. The principle of virtual velocities was partly conceived by Guido Ubaldo (died 1607), and afterwards more fully by Galileo.
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* Galileo is the founder of the science of dynamics. Among his contemporaries it was chiefly the novelties he detected in the sky that made him celebrated, but [[Joseph Louis Lagrange|Lagrange]] claims that his astronomical discoveries required only a telescope and perseverance, while it took an extraordinary genius to discover laws from phenomena, which we see constantly and of which the true explanation escaped all earlier philosophers. The first contributor to the science of mechanics after Galileo was [[René Descartes|Descartes]].
** [[Florian Cajori]], ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=UicJAAAAIAAJ A History of Elementary Mathematics]'' (1898)
* It is impossible to exaggerate the effects of his telescopic discoveries on Galileo's life, so profound were they. Not only is it true of Galileo's personal life and thought, but it equally true of their influence on the history of scientific thought. '''Galileo had the experience of beholding the heavens as they actually are for perhaps the first time''', and wherever he looked he found evidence to support the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] system against the [[Ptolemy|Ptolemaic]], or at least weaken the authority of the ancients. This shattering experience—of observing the depths of the universe, of being the first mortal to know what the heavens are actually like—made so deep an impression... that '''it is only by considering the events of 1609... that one can understand the subsequent direction of his life.'''
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* It is characteristic of Galileo as a scientist of the modern school that '''as soon as he found any kind of phenomenon, he wanted to measure it.''' It is all very well to be told that the telescope discloses that there are mountains on the moon, just as there are mountains on earth. But how much more extraordinary it is, and how much more convincing, to be told that there are mountains on the moon and that they are exactly four miles high! Galileo's determination of the height of the mountains on the moon has withstood the test of time...
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* His conflict with the Catholic Church arose because deep in his heart '''Galileo was a believer.''' There was for him no path of compromise, no way to have separate secular and theological cosmologies. If the Copernican system was true as he believed, what else could Galileo do but fight with every weapon he had in his arsenal... to make his Church accept a new system of the universe. ...In the contrast between Galileo's heroic stand when he tried to reform the cosmological basis of orthodox theology and his humbled, kneeling surrender when he disavowed his Copernicanism, we may sense the tremendous forces attendant on the birth of modern science.
** [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Birth of a New Physics'' (1959)
* The pre-Galilean thinkers were... concerned with motion in the sense used by [[Aristotle]]. For them, "motion" was any process in which there was transmission from any state or condition to another state. Thus the process of aging, the change in a person's degree of wisdom, or the growth in the weight of a boy could all be considered examples of motion. By contrast Galileo was concerned with ''physical'' motion, motion involving a change of place... One of the major kinds of motion that Galileo studied was the motion of free fall.
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* In his founding treatise, the ''Dialogues Concerning Two New Sciences'', Galileo boasted that he was setting forth "a very new science dealing with a very ancient subject." ...No one before him, he declared, had discovered that "the distance traversed, during [successive] equal intervals of time, by a body falling from rest, stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity."<br />...Galileo's rule can be expressed differently, that the total distance fallen is proportional to the square of the total elapsed time.<br />...he devised an experiment in which he "diluted" gravity, slowing down the motion of falling. For this purpose he used an inclined plane... He allowed a small metal ball to roll down the board at different inclinations, and recorded the distances and times.<br />...Galileo presented the numerical values that he found in his experiments as proof... Thus he could proudly boast of an agreement to within "one-tenth of a pulse beat."
** [[I. Bernard Cohen]], ''The Triumph of Numbers: How Counting Shaped Modern Life'' (2005)
* [[Alexandre Koyré|Koyré's]] exaltation of the "[[Plato|Platonic]] and [[Pythagoras|Pythagorean]]" elements of the [[w:Scientific revolution|Scientific Revolution]]... was based on a demonstrably false understanding of how Galileo reached his conclusions. Koyré asserted that Galileo merely used experiments as a check on the theories he devised by mathematical reasoning. But later research has definitively established that '''Galileo's experiments ''preceded'' his attempts to give a mathematical account of their results.'''
** [[Clifford D. Conner]], ''A People's History of Science'' (2005)
* For measurements of time he collected and weighed water flowing from a container at a constant rate of about three fluid ounces per second, He recorded weights of water in [[w:Grain (unit)|grains]] and, and defined his time unit, called a ''tempo'', to be the time for 16 grains of water to flow, which was equivalent to 1/92 second. These units were small enough so Galileo's measurements of distance and time always resulted in large numbers. That was a necessity because decimal numbers were not part of his mathematical equipment; the only way he could add [[w:Significant figures|significant digits]] in his calculations was to make the numbers larger.
** William H. Cropper, ''Great Physicists'' (2004)
* Galileo was the first scientist to recognise clearly that the only way to further our understanding of the physical world was to resort to experiment. ...the Greeks, in spite of their proficiency in geometry, never seem to have realised the importance of experiment ([[Democritus]] and [[Archimedes]] excepted). ...an excuse ...can scarcely be put forward when the elementary nature of Galileo's experiments and observations is recalled. Watching a lamp oscillate in the cathedral of Pisa, dropping bodies from the leaning tower of Pisa, rolling balls down inclined planes, noticing the magnifying effect of water in a spherical glass vase... might just as well have been performed by the Greeks.
** A. D'Abro, ''[https://archive.org/details/TheEvolutionOfScientificThought The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein]'' (1927) Forward
* It is to the Italian astronomer, forced in old age by the Inquisition to turn aside from the more dangerous study of the machinery of the heavens, that we owe the first exposition of many of the problems of mechanics and statics, published... in 1638. Not only did Galileo put together whatever the sixteenth century had learned in the sciences affecting building construction, but from his study of the bending strength of a beam there dates a new branch of science—the theory of the [[w:Strength of materials|strength of materials]].
** T. K. Derry & Trevor I. Williams, ''A Short History of Technology: From the Earliest Times to A.D. 1900'' (1960) Ch.5, Building Construction, "Building from the Renaissance to the Eighteenth Century"
* Conclusions obtained by purely rational processes are, so far as Reality is concerned, entirely empty. It was because he recognized this, and especially because he impressed it upon the scientific world that Galileo became the father of modern physics and in fact of the whole of modern natural science.
** [[Albert Einstein]], "On the Method of Theoretical Physics" (Apr., 1934) in ''Philosophy of Science'', Vol. 1, No. 2, [https://www.stmarys-ca.edu/sites/default/files/attachments/files/On_The_Method_of_Theoretical_Physics.pdf pp. 163-169.]
* It has always hurt me to think that Galilei did not acknowledge the work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] … That, alas, is [[vanity]] … You find it in so many scientists.
** [[Albert Einstein]], in an interview with [[w:I. Bernard Cohen|I. Bernard Cohen]], as quoted in ''Coming of Age in the Milky Way'' (1988) by [[w:Timothy Ferris|Timothy Ferris]]
* '''Galileo was no [[idiot]].''' Only an idiot could believe that [[science]] requires martyrdom — that may be [[Necessity|necessary]] in [[religion]], but in [[time]] a scientific result will establish itself.
** [[David Hilbert]], in defense of Galileo's recantation of his discoveries before a tribunal of the [[w:Inquisition|Inquisition]], as quoted in ''Mathematical Circles Squared: A Third Collection of Mathematical Stories and Anecdotes'' (1972) by Howard Whitley Eves, p. 125
* The beginning of astronomy, except observations, I think is not to be derived from farther time than from [[Nicolaus Copernicus]]; who in the age next preceding the present revived the [[w:Pythagorean astronomical system|opinion of]] [[Pythagoras]], [[w:Aristarchus of Samos|Aristarchus]], and [[Philolaus]]. After him, the doctrine of the motion of the earth being now received, and a difficult question thereupon arising concerning the descent of heavy bodies, '''Galileus''' in our time, striving with that difficulty, '''was the first that opened to us the gate of [[w:Natural philosophy|natural philosophy]] universal, which is the knowledge of the nature of ''motion''.''' So that neither can the age of natural philosophy be reckoned higher than to him.
** [[Thomas Hobbes]], ''The English Works of Thomas Hobbes of Malmesbury'' (1839) ed. Sir William Molesworth, [http://books.google.com/books?id=1WY6AQAAMAAJ Vol. 1], p. vii
* A light was kindled amongst the investigators of nature when Galilei let balls of a definite weight roll down the inclined plane. For they saw that they only understand what is produced according to a predetermined plan or hypothesis... for otherwise planless observations made according to no ideas could never be brought into the form of a law which reason demands and seeks. ...Thus physics was brought into the position of a certain science after groping about blindly for so many hundred years.
** [[Immanuel Kant]], Preface, ''Critique of Pure Reason'' (1787) 2nd edition, as quoted by {{w|J. W. A. Hickson}}, "Francis Bacon and Galileo Galilei" (A Comparison of Methods) in ''The {{w|McGill University}} Magazine'' (Dec. 1905) Vol. 5, No. 1, [https://books.google.com/books?id=DVImAQAAIAAJ&pg=PA260 p. 260], footnote 2.
* Copernicus, Kepler and Galileo were ‘revisionists’ in rejecting the geocentric system of Ptolemy (which held sway for some 1500 years) and, against an oppressive and repressive mainstream opinion (and officialdom), reinstated—with improvements—the heliocentric system of Aristarchos of Samos (3rd cent BCE).
**Kazanas, N. (2002). Indigenous Indo-Aryans and the Rigveda: Indo-Aryan migration debate. Journal of Indo-European Studies, 30(3-4), 275-334.
* Galileo's program offers us a dead world: Out go sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, and along with them have since gone esthetic and ethical sensibility, values, quality, soul, consciousness, spirit. Experience as such is cast out of the realm of scientific discourse. Hardly anything has changed our world more during the past four hundred years than Galileo's audacious program. We had to destroy the world in theory before we could destroy it in practice.
** [[R. D. Laing]], as quoted by [[Fritjof Capra]], ''Uncommon Wisdom'' (1988)
* Galileo deduced the laws of freely falling bodies and the parabolic paths of projectiles, initiating an era of applications of mathematics to physics. In his book ''Two New Sciences'', he used [[w:Cavalieri's principle|indivisible methods]] to study the motion of a falling body, and he planned, but never wrote, an entire book on indivisibles.
** Reinhard Labenbacher, David Pengelley, ''Mathematical Expeditions: Chronicles by the Explorers'' (1999)
* '''The first mathematician to consider the nature of the resistance of solids to rupture was Galileo.''' Although he treated solids as inelastic, not being in possession of any law connecting the displacements produced with the forces producing them, or of any physical hypothesis capable of yielding such a law, yet '''his enquiries gave the direction which was subsequently followed by many investigators.'''
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) [https://books.google.com/books?id=l8YJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA2 p. 2.]
* '''He endeavoured to determine the resistance of a beam, one end of which is built into a wall, when the tendency to break it arises from its own or an applied weight'''; and he concluded that the beam tends to turn about an axis perpendicular to its length, and in the plane of the wall. '''This problem''', and, in particular, the determination of this axis '''is known as Galileo's problem.'''<!-- p. 2-->
** {{w|Augustus Edward Hough Love}}, ''[[A Treatise on the Mathematical Theory of Elasticity]]'' (1906) p. 2.
* History can be helpful in making sense of the world we live in. It can also be fascinating, even fun. How can even the best [[novelist]] or [[Theatre|playwright]] invent someone like [[Augustus Caesar]] or [[Catherine II of Russia|Catherine the Great]], Galileo or [[Florence Nightingale]]? How can screenwriters create better [[action]] stories or human [[Drama|dramas]] than exist, thousand upon thousand, throughout the many centuries of recorded history? There is a thirst out there both for [[knowledge]] and to be [[Entertainment|entertained]], and the [[market]] has responded with enthusiasm.
** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008)
* Galileo's comprehension of the concept of acceleration, which he defined as a change of velocity either in magnitude or direction... was an abstract idea that no one seems to have thought much about before. And in using it to test the still accepted [[Aristotle|Aristotelian]] precept that a moving object requires a force to maintain it, Galileo easily demonstrated that it is not motion but rather acceleration which cannot occur without an external force. Deliberately rejecting common sense as a prejudiced witness, he let nature herself speak in the form of a "hard, smooth and very round ball" rolling down a "very straight" ideal groove lined with polished parchment, and then rolling up another groove, clocking each roll "hundreds or times"... he showed that, while downward motion (helped by gravity force) makes speed increase and upward motion (hindered by gravity force) makes speed decrease, there is always a "boundary case" in between... where speed remains constant (without any appreciable force)—and that, by reducing friction, this boundary case can be made to approach a horizontal level where gravity has no effect. Similarly testing... he also drafted a law of falling bodies: "that the distances traversed, during equal intervals of time... stand to one another in the same ratio as the odd numbers beginning with unity." And his beautiful analysis of a cannonball's trajectory into horizontal and vertical components... was one day to be of enormous help to [[Isaac Newton]] in solving the riddle of gravity.
** [[w:Guy Murchie|Guy Murchie]], ''Music of the Spheres'' (1961)
*Galileo Galilei was the greatest writer in Italian literature: that's not me saying it, it's [[w:Italo Calvino|Italo Calvino]].
:*[[Piergiorgio Odifreddi]], ''il Venerdì di Repubblica'', 23 October 2009.
* It was in Galileo's time that firearms were invented... What is the path of a cannonball? ...Characteristically, Galileo was engrossed with the problem; characteristically, he solved it. The outcome of his ingenuity we know today as the method of superposition.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.100-->
* How do heavy bodies fall? ...Galileo's investigation of dynamics was physical; [[Aristotle|Aristotle's]] was metaphysical. But unlike Galileo, we have the additional convenience of algebraic notation. Had it been invented in his day he would certainly have known it; almost certainly he would have been able to push his development of dynamics much farther.
** [[George Pólya]], ''Mathematical Methods in Science'' (1977)<!--p.85-->
*Galileo's head was on the block... The crime was looking up for [[truth]]... And then you had to bring up [[reincarnation]]... How long 'til my soul gets it right... Can any human being ever reach that kind of light... I call on the resting [[soul]] of Galileo... King of night [[vision]], king of [[insight]]... I'm not making a joke, you know me...I take everything so seriously... If we wait for the time 'til all souls get it right... Then at least I know there'll be no [[Nuclear war|nuclear annihilation]]... Can any human being ever reach the highest light... Except for Galileo — God rest his soul... Except for the resting soul of Galileo... King of night vision, king of insight.
**[[Indigo Girls|Emily Saliers]] in the song, “Galileo” (lead single of the [[Indigo Girls]] fourth album, a minor crossover pop hit in the US in August 1992, [https://genius.com/Indigo-girls-galileo-lyrics ''Genius''] (12 May 1992)
* '''If Galileo had been willing to face the idea of a plurality of worlds, instead of resting on that of the Sun as the natural "centre of things," he might have been impelled to develop his system in the [[Isaac Newton|Newtonian]] sense.''' ...The position of the satellites in the [[Nicolaus Copernicus|Copernican]] scheme proved the existence of a multiplicity of centers. But the way that led from there was fraught with danger.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* The allusion to the "puzzling" problem of [the orbit of] Mars shows that Galileo ought not to have been unaware of the great work of [[Johannes Kepler|Kepler]] published in 1609: ''Astronomia nova''... in which the first two of Kepler's laws were formulated. Yet he does not mention here at all Kepler's success in solving the problem, nor his laws, nor his name even, which is brought up... only to criticize his belief in the Moon's attraction [effect upon tides], which is quite reasonably presented in the ''Astronomia nova'' and founded on astronomical reasons and not on mystical speculations.
** [[w:Giorgio de Santillana|Giorgio de Santillana]], commentary in Galileo's ''Dialogue of the Great World Systems'' (1953)
* '''To give us the science of motion God and Nature have joined hands and created the intellect of Galileo.'''
** [[w:Paolo Sarpi|Paolo Sarpi]], Editor's Preface to ''Dialogues and Mathematical Demonstrations Concerning Two New Sciences'' by Galileo (1638) Crew and De Salvio translation (1914)
* The old Greek philosophy, which in Europe in the later middle ages was synonymous with the works of [[Aristotle]], considered motion as a thing for which a cause must be found: a velocity required a force to produce and to maintain it. '''The great discovery of Galileo was that not velocity, but acceleration requires a force'''. This is the law of inertia of which the real content is: the natural phenomena are described by differential equations of the second order.
** [[Willem de Sitter]], The Astronomical Aspect of the Theory of Relativity (1933)
* [T]he mathematical habit of mind and the mathematical procedure... had to be generated; otherwise [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] could never have thought of a formula representing the force between ''any'' two masses at ''any'' distance. ...Throughout the middle ages, under the influence of [[Aristotle]], the science was entirely misconceived. '''Newton had the advantage of coming after a series of great men, notably [[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]]... who in the previous two centuries had reconstructed the science and had invented the right way of thinking about it.''' He completed their work.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''An Introduction to Mathematics'' (1911) [https://books.google.com/books?id=1m1TOFIKNIMC&pg=PA29 pp. 29-30.]
* The way in which the persecution of Galileo has been remembered is a tribute to the quiet commencement of the most intimate change in outlook which the human race had yet encountered. Since a babe was born in a manger, it may be doubted whether so great a thing has happened with so little stir.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''Science and the Modern World'' (1925)
* The worst that happened to men of science was that Galileo suffered an honorable detention and a mild reproof, before dying peacefully in his bed.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], in ''The Mathematics Teacher'', Vol. 45 (1952), p. 182
* In Galileo's time, professors of philosophy and theology—the subjects were inseparable—produced grand discourses on the nature of reality... all based on sophisticated metaphysical arguments. Meanwhile, Galileo measured how fast balls roll down inclined planes. How mundane! But the learned discourses, while grand, were vague. Galileo's investigations were clear and precise. The old metaphysics never progressed, while Galileo's work bore abundant, and at length spectacular, fruit. Galileo too cared about the big questions, but he realized that getting the genuine answers requires patience and humility before the facts.
** [[Frank Wilczek]], ''The Lightness of Being'' (2008)
*How does the world recognizes England, the United Kingdom, as the country that gave birth to the modern age? It was not [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] but Galilei who opened the [[w:modern age|Moderna age]].
**[[Antonino Zichichi]]. As quoted in Carlo Passarello, ''[https://livesicilia.it/2013/02/07/zichichi-ars-sicilia/ La "prima volta" di Zichichi e all'Ars si parla di Archimede]'' (in Italian, February 7, 2013)
*As a believing scientist [...] it is my deep conviction that it is our task to search nature and the universe, as Galileo Galilei, the father of modern science, did, for the footprints of God.
**[[w:Antonino Zichichi|Antonino Zichichi]], ''[https://www.raicultura.it/filosofia/articoli/2024/03/Dio-La-scienza-le-prove----15bac320-af08-439b-9b91-c382811f2390.html Dio. La scienza, le prove]'', [[w:RAI|RAI]] Cultura, 2024
When I met John Paul II, I felt that history was offering us a unique opportunity: to heal a rift that had divided science and faith for centuries.
:'''I explained to the Pope what the scientific world had known for some time—that the condemnation of [[Galileo Galilei]] was a human error, not a contradiction of the Truth.'''
:The Church had punished a man who, with extraordinary humility and rigor, had opened the Book of Nature to humanity.
:I spoke with John Paul II about the need to officially acknowledge that wrong, not to rewrite the past, but to give strength to the future: a future in which science and faith could return to dialogue, united in the search for Truth.
:The Pope listened to me attentively, with the profound spiritual intelligence that characterized him.
:'''It was thanks to his courage and openness that the Church, after centuries, found the strength to ask for [[forgiveness]] and to embrace Science once again.'''
:It was a gesture that marked not only the history of the Church, but that of all humanity.
:*From a [https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1ANriRxcXx/ post] in the official Facebook profile of [[Antonino Zichichi]] (December 15, 2025). URL archived on [https://archive.is/wip/W1Dv7 December 21, 2025].
== Notes and references==
{{reflist}}
==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline|Author:Galileo Galilei}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
* [http://www.galilean-library.org/hps.html The Galileo Affair] by Paul Newall.
* [http://www.cslewis.org/journal/?p=10 Conflict or Cooperation] by Robert C. Fay
* [http://galileo.rice.edu/ The Galileo Project] at [[w:Rice University|Rice University]]
* [http://www.mpiwg-berlin.mpg.de/Galileo_Prototype/MAIN.HTM Electronic representation of Galilei's notes on motion (MS. 72)]
* [http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft0401/reviews/barr From Myth to History and Back] - Reviews of two books on Galileo
* [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/galileo/ PBS Nova Online: ''Galileo's Battle for the Heavens'']
* [http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/andrew_white/Chapter3.html ''The Warfare of Science With Theology'' by Andrew Dickson White, Ch. 3, dealing with the conflicts of Galileo with theological dogma]
{{Philosophy of science}}
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[[Category:Academics from Italy]]
[[Category:Astronomers from Italy]]
[[Category:Astrologers from Italy]]
[[Category:Physicists from Italy]]
[[Category:1564 births]]
[[Category:1642 deaths]]
[[Category:Natural philosophers]]
[[Category:Engineers from Italy]]
[[Category:Mathematicians from Italy]]
[[Category:Inventors]]
[[Category:Latin authors]]
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[[Category:People from Tuscany]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Italy]]
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William Blake
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[[File:William Blake by Thomas Phillips.jpg|thumb|A [[truth]] that's told with bad intent <br /> Beats all the [[lies]] you can invent.]]
'''[[w:William Blake|William Blake]]''' ([[November 28]] [[1757]] – [[August 12]] [[1827]]) was an English poet, [[Christian]] [[mystic]], painter, printmaker, and engraver.
== Quotes ==
=== 1780s ===
[[File:Europe a Prophecy, copy D, object 1 (Bentley 1, Erdman i, Keynes i) British Museum.jpg|thumb|right|If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.]]
[[File:William Blake - Sconfitta - Frontispiece to The Song of Los.jpg|thumb|right|The archetype of the Creator is a familiar image in his work. Here, Blake depicts his [[w:demiurge|demiurgic]] figure [[w:Urizen|Urizen]] stooped in prayer, contemplating the world he has forged. The ''[[w:The Song of Los|Song of Los]]'' is the third in a series of [[w:Illuminated manuscript|illuminated books]] painted by Blake and his wife, collectively known as the ''Continental Prophecies''.]]
* '''Reason, or the ratio of all we have already known, is not the same that it shall be when we know more.'''
** ''There Is No Natural Religion'' (1788)
* '''The true method of knowledge is experiment.'''
** ''All Religions are One'' (1788)
* There can be no Good Will. Will is always Evil; it is persecution to others or selfishness.
** ''Annotations to Swedenborg'' (1788)
* '''If a thing loves, it is infinite.'''
** ''Annotations to Swedenborg'' (1788)
* Does the Eagle know what is in the pit? <br> Or wilt thou go ask the Mole? <br> '''Can Wisdom be put in a silver rod? <br> Or Love in a golden bowl?'''
** ''[[w:The Book of Thel|The Book of Thel]]'', ''Thel's Motto'' (1789–1792)
==== ''Poetical Sketches'' (1783) ====
[[File:Newton-WilliamBlake.jpg|thumb|right|Blake's "Newton" is a demonstration of his opposition to the "single-vision" of [[w:Naturalism (philosophy)|scientific materialism]]: The great philosopher-scientist is isolated in the depths of the ocean, his eyes (only one of which is visible) fixed on the compasses with which he draws on a scroll. He seems almost at one with the rocks upon which he sits (1795).]]
* How sweet I roamed from field to field,<br>And tasted all the summer's pride,<br>Till I the prince of love beheld,<br>Who in the sunny beams did glide!
** ''Song (How Sweet I Roamed)'', st. 1
* He loves to sit and hear me sing,<br>Then, laughing, sports and plays with me;<br>Then stretches out my golden wing,<br>And mocks my loss of liberty.
** ''Song (How Sweet I Roamed)'', st. 4
* My silks and fine array,<br>My smiles and languished air,<br>By love are driv'n away;<br>And mournful lean Despair<br>Brings me yew to deck my grave:<br>Such end true lovers have.
** ''Song (My Silks and Fine Arrays)'', st. 1
* Like a fiend in a cloud,<br>With howling woe,<br>After night I do crowd,<br>And with night will go;<br>I turn my back to the east,<br>From whence comforts have increased;<br>For light doth seize my brain<br>With frantic pain.
** ''Mad Song'', st. 3
* How have you left the ancient love<br>That bards of old enjoyed in you!<br>The languid strings do scarcely move!<br>The sound is forced, the notes are few!
** ''To the Muses'', st. 4
==== ''Annotations to Lavater'' (1788) ====
* Damn sneerers!
* True superstition is ignorant honesty & this is beloved of god and man.
* Forgiveness of enemies can only come upon their repentance.
* Active Evil is better than Passive Good.
* They suppose that Woman's Love is Sin; in consequence all the Loves & Graces with them are Sin.
==== ''[[w:Songs of Innocence|Songs of Innocence]]'' (1789–1790) ====
[[File:Blake Innocence Frontispies p2.jpg|thumb|right|On a cloud I saw a child,<br>And he laughing said to me:<br>"Pipe a song about a Lamb."<br>So I piped with merry cheer.]]
* Piping down the valleys wild,<br>Piping songs of pleasant glee,<br>On a cloud I saw a child,<br>And he laughing said to me:<br>"Pipe a song about a Lamb."<br>So I piped with merry cheer;<br>"Piper, pipe that song again."<br>So I piped; he wept to hear.
** ''Introduction'', st. 1–2
* And I made a rural pen,<br>And I stained the water clear,<br>And I wrote my happy songs<br>Every child may joy to hear.
** ''Introduction'', st. 5
* Sing louder around<br>To the bells' cheerful sound,<br>While our sports shall be seen<br>On the ecchoing green.
** ''The Ecchoing Green'', st. 1
* Little Lamb, who made thee?<br>Dost thou know who made thee?<br>Gave thee life and bid thee feed<br>By the stream and o'er the mead;<br>Gave thee clothing of delight,<br>Softest clothing, woolly bright.
** ''The Lamb'', st. 1
* My mother bore me in the southern wild,<br>And I am black, but O! my soul is white;<br>White as an angel is the English child,<br>But I am black as if bereaved of light.
** ''The Little Black Boy'', st. 1
* And we are put on earth a little space,<br>That we may learn to bear the beams of love,<br>And these black bodies and this sunburnt face<br>Is but a cloud, and like a shady grove.
** ''The Little Black Boy'', st. 4
* I'll shade him from the heat till he can bear<br>To lean in joy upon our Father's knee;<br>And then I'll stand and stroke his silver hair,<br>And be like him and he will then love me.
** ''The Little Black Boy'', st. 7
* When my mother died I was very young,<br>And my father sold me while yet my tongue<br>Could scarcely cry 'weep! 'weep! 'weep!'weep!<br>So your chimneys I sweep, and in soot I sleep.
** ''The Chimney Sweeper'', st. 1
[[File:Songs of Innocence copy G object 12 The Divine Image.jpg|thumb|Where [[Mercy]], [[Love]], and [[Pity]] dwell <br /> There [[God]] is dwelling too.]]
* <p>To [[Mercy]], [[Pity]], [[Peace]], and [[Love]] <br /> All [[pray]] in their [[distress]]; <br /> And to these [[virtues]] of [[delight]] <br /> Return their [[thankfulness]].</p><p>For Mercy, Pity, Peace, and Love <br /> Is [[God]], our father dear, <br /> And Mercy, Pity, Peace, and Love <br /> Is [[Man]], his [[child]] and care.</p><p>For Mercy has a human [[heart]], <br /> Pity a human [[face]], <br /> And Love, the human form [[divine]], <br /> And Peace, the human dress.</p>
** ''[https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43656/the-divine-image The Divine Image]'', st. 1- 3
* Then every man, of every clime, <br /> That prays in his distress, <br /> Prays to the human form divine, <br /> Love, Mercy, Pity, Peace. <br /> <br /> And all must love the human form, <br /> In heathen, Turk, or Jew; <br /> Where Mercy, Love, and Pity dwell <br /> There God is dwelling too.
** ''The Divine Image'', st. 4- 5
* The moon like a flower<br>In heaven's high bower,<br>With silent delight,<br>Sits and smiles on the night.
** ''Night'', st. 1
* And there the lion's ruddy eyes<br>Shall flow with tears of gold,<br>And pitying the tender cries,<br>And walking round the fold,<br>Saying: "Wrath by his meekness,<br>And by his health, sickness,<br>Is driven away<br>From our immortal day."
** ''Night'', st. 5
* "For washed in life's river,<br>My bright mane forever<br>Shall shine like the gold<br>As Iguard o'er the fold."
** ''Night'', st. 6
* When the voices of children are heard on the green<br>And laughing is heard on the hill,<br>My heart is at rest within my breast<br>And everything else is still.
** ''Nurse's Song'', st. 1
* Can I see another's woe,<br>And not be in sorrow too?<br>Can I see another's grief,<br>And not seek for kind relief?
** ''On Another's Sorrow'', st. 1
=== 1790s ===
* Nothing can be more contemptible than to suppose Public RECORDS to be True.
** ''Annotations to An Apology for the Bible by R. Watson'' (1798)
* That the Jews assumed a right Exclusively to the benefits of God. will be a lasting witness against them. & the same will it be against Christians
** ''Annotations to An Apology for the Bible by R. Watson'' (1798)
*In my Brain are studies & Chambers fill'd with books & pictures of old, which I wrote & painted in ages of Eternity before my mortal life;
** ''[https://archive.org/details/lettersofwilliam002199mbp The Letters Of William Blake]'' (1956), p. 50
* I am not ashamed, afraid, or averse to tell you what Ought to be Told: That I am under the direction of Messengers from Heaven, Daily & Nightly;
but the nature of such things is not, as some suppose, without trouble or care.
** ''[https://archive.org/details/lettersofwilliam002199mbp The Letters Of William Blake]'' (1956), p. 70
* And now let me finish with assuring you that, Tho I have been very unhappy, I am so no longer. I am again. '''Emerged into the light of day; I still & shall to Eternity Embrace [[Christianity]] and Adore him who is the Express image of God'''; but I have travel'd thro' Perils & Darkness not unlike a Champion. I have Conquer'd, and shall still Go on Conquering. Nothing can withstand the fury of my Course among the Stars of God & in the Abysses of the Accuser. My Enthusiasm is still what it was, only Enlarged and conform'd.
** ''[https://archive.org/details/lettersofwilliam002199mbp The Letters Of William Blake]'' (1956), p. 74-75
* I have labour'd hard indeed, & have been borne on angel's wings. Till we meet I beg of God our Saviour to be with you & me, & yours & mine. Pray give my & my wife's love to Mrs Butts & Family, & believe me to remain.
** ''[https://archive.org/details/lettersofwilliam002199mbp The Letters Of William Blake]'' (1956), p. 90
* '''Degrade first the arts if you'd mankind degrade, <br> Hire idiots to paint with cold light and hot shade.'''
** ''Annotations to Sir Joshua Reynolds's Discourses'', title page (c. 1798–1809)
* To Generalize is to be an Idiot. To Particularize is the Alone Distinction of Merit — General Knowledges are those Knowledges that Idiots possess.
** ''Annotations to Sir Joshua Reynolds's Discourses'', pp. xvii–xcviii (c. 1798–1809)
* '''The Foundation of Empire is Art & Science Remove them or Degrade them & the Empire is No More — Empire follows Art & Not Vice Versa as Englishmen suppose.'''
** ''Annotations to Sir Joshua Reynolds's Discourses''
==== ''[[w:The Marriage of Heaven and Hell|The Marriage of Heaven and Hell]]'' (1790–1793) ====
* Rintrah roars and shakes his fires in the burden'd air;<br>Hungry clouds swag on the deep.
** ''The Argument''
* '''Without contraries there is no progression. Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate are necessary to human existence.'''
** ''The Argument''
* The reason Milton wrote in fetters when he wrote of Angels and God, and at liberty when of Devils and Hell, is because he was a true poet and of the Devils' party without knowing it.
** Note to ''The Voice of the Devil''
* Those who restrain desire do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained; and the restrainer or reason usurps its place & governs the unwilling.
** ''The Voice of the Devil''
* '''If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is: infinite.'''
** ''A Memorable Fancy''
* '''The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.'''
** ''A Memorable Fancy''
* Opposition is true Friendship.
** ''A Memorable Fancy''
=====''Proverbs of Hell''=====
* '''The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.'''
** Line 3
* He who desires but acts not breeds pestilence.
** Line 5
* A fool sees not the same tree that a wise man sees.<br>He whose face gives no light shall never become a star.
** Lines 8–9
* '''Eternity is in love with the productions of time.'''
** Line 10
* The busy bee has no time for sorrow.
** Line 11
* The hours of folly are measur'd by the clock, but of wisdom no clock can measure.
** Line 12
* All wholesome food is caught without a net or a trap.
** Line 13
* No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
** Line 15
* If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise.
** Line 18
* '''Prisons are built with stones of law; brothels with bricks of religion.'''
** Line 21
* The pride of the peacock is the glory of God.<br>The lust of the goat is the bounty of God.<br>The wrath of the lion is the wisdom of God.<br>The nakedness of woman is the work of God.
** Line 22
* The cistern contains: the fountain overflows.
** Line 35
* One thought fills immensity.
** Line 36
* Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you.
** Line 37
* The eagle never lost so much time as when he submitted to learn of the crow.
** Line 39
* Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.
** Line 41
* The tygers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
** Line 44
* '''You never know what is enough unless you know what is more than enough.'''
** Line 46
* The weak in courage is strong in cunning.
** Line 49
* When thou seest an Eagle, thou seest a portion of Genius; lift up thy head!
** Line 54
* Exuberance is Beauty.
** Line 64
* Improvement makes straight roads; but the crooked roads without improvement are roads of genius.
** Line 66
* Sooner murder an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desires.
** Line 67
* Truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not be believed.
** Line 69
* Enough! or too much.
** Line 70
* The ancient poets animated all objects with Gods or Geniuses, calling them by the names and adorning them with the properties of woods, rivers, mountains, lakes, cities, nations, and whatever their enlarged & numerous senses could perceive. And particularly they studied the genius of each city & country, placing it under its mental deity; Till a system was formed, which some took advantage of, & enslav'd the vulgar by attempting to realize or abstract the mental deities from their objects: thus began priesthood; Choosing forms of worship from poetic tales. And at length they pronounc'd that the Gods had order'd such things. Thus men forgot that all deities reside in the human breast.
** Line 71
==== ''Poems from Blake's Notebook'' (c. 1791-1792) ====
* Never seek to tell thy love<br>Love that never told can be;<br>For the gentle wind does move<br>Silently, invisibly.<br><br>I told my love, I told my love,<br>I told her all my heart;<br>Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears—<br>Ah, she doth depart.<br><br>Soon as she was gone from me<br>A traveler came by<br>Silently, invisibly—<br>Oh, was no deny.
** ''Never Seek to Tell''
* I asked a thief to steal me a peach:<br>He turned up his eyes.<br>I asked a lithe lady to lie her down:<br>Holy and meek, she cries.<br><br>As soon as I went<br>An angel came.<br>He winked at the thief<br>And smiled at the dame—<br><br>And without one word said<br>Had a peach from the tree,<br>And still as a maid<br>Enjoyed the lady.
** ''I Asked a Thief''
* Sleep, sleep, beauty bright,<br>Dreaming o'er the joys of night.<br>Sleep, sleep: in thy sleep<br>Little sorrows sit and weep.
** ''A Cradle Song'', st. 1
* Why art thou silent and invisible,<br>Father of Jealousy?
** ''To Nobody'', st. 1
* Love to faults is always blind,<br>Always is to joys inclined,<br>Lawless, winged, and unconfined,<br>And breaks all chains from every mind.
** ''Love to Faults''
* The sword sung on the barren heath,<br>The sickle in the fruitful field;<br>The sword he sung a song of death,<br>But could not make the sickle yield.
** ''The Sword Sung''
* Abstinence sows sand all over<br>The ruddy limbs and flaming hair,<br>But desire gratified<br>Plants fruits of life and beauty there.
** ''Abstinence Sows Sand''
* If you trap the moment before it's ripe,<br>The tears of repentance you'll certainly wipe;<br>But if once you let the ripe moment go<br>You can never wipe off the tears of woe.
** ''If You Trap the Moment''
* Then old Nobodaddy aloft<br>Farted and belched and coughed,<br>And said, "I love hanging and drawing and quartering<br>Every bit as well as war and slaughtering."
** ''Let the Brothels of Paris'', st. 2
===== ''Several Questions Answered'' =====
* He who binds to himself a joy<br>Does the wingèd life destroy;<br>But he who kisses the joy as it flies<br>Lives in eternity's sunrise.
** No. 1, ''He Who Binds''
* The look of love alarms<br>Because 'tis filled with fire;<br>But the look of soft deceit<br>Shall win the lover's hire.
** No. 2, ''The Look of Love''
* What is it men in women do require?<br>The lineaments of gratified desire.<br>What is it women do in men require?<br>The lineaments of gratified desire.
** No. 4, ''What Is It''
* You'll quite remove the ancient curse.
** No. 5, ''An Ancient Proverb''
==== ''[[w:Songs of Experience|Songs of Experience]]'' (1794) ====
[[File:Blake Experience frontispiece.jpg|thumb|right|Love seeketh not itself to please,<br>Nor for itself hath any care,<br>But for another gives its ease,<br>And builds a heaven in hell’s despair.]]
* Hear the voice of the Bard,<br>Who present, past, and future, sees;<br>Whose ears have heard<br>The Holy Word<br>That walked among the ancient trees.
** ''Introduction'', st. 1
* Turn away no more;<br>Why wilt thou turn away?<br>The starry floor,<br>The watery shore<br>Is given thee till the break of day.
** ''Introduction'', st. 4
* Love seeketh not itself to please,<br>Nor for itself hath any care,<br>But for another gives its ease,<br>And builds a heaven in hell's despair.
** ''The Clod and the Pebble'', st. 1
* Love seeketh only Self to please,<br>To bind another to its delight,<br>Joys in another's loss of ease,<br>And builds a hell in heaven's despite.
** ''The Clod and the Pebble'', st. 3
*<p>'''O [[Rose]] thou art [[sick]].<br>The [[invisible]] [[worm]],<br>That [[flying|flies]] in the [[night]]<br>In the howling [[storm]]:'''</p><p>'''Has found out thy [[bed]]<br>Of [[crimson]] [[joy]]:<br>And his [[dark]] [[secret]] [[love]]<br>Does thy [[life]] [[destroy]].'''</p>
**''[[w:The Sick Rose|The Sick Rose]]'', [[:File:Songs of innocence and of experience, page 39, The Sick Rose (Fitzwilliam copy).png|plate 39]].
* Little Fly,<br>Thy summer's play<br>My thoughtless hand<br>Has brushed away.<br><br>Am not I<br>A fly like thee?<br>Or art not thou<br>A man like me?<br><br>For I dance,<br>And drink, and sing,<br>Till some blind hand<br>Shall brush my wing.
** ''The Fly'', st. 1–3
* The modest Rose puts forth a thorn,<br>The humble sheep a threat'ning horn:<br>While the Lily white shall in love delight,<br>Nor a thorn nor a threat stain her beauty bright.
** ''The Lily''
* In every cry of every Man,<br>In every Infant's cry of fear,<br>In every voice, in every ban,<br>The mind-forg'd manacles I hear.
** ''London'', st. 2
* But most, thro' midnight streets I hear<br>How the youthful Harlot's curse<br>Blasts the new born Infant's tear,<br>And blights with plagues the Marriage hearse.
** ''London'', st. 4
* Pity would be no more<br>If we did not make somebody Poor;<br>And Mercy no more could be<br>If all were as happy as we.
** ''The Human Abstract'', st. 1
* My mother groan'd! my father wept.<br>Into the dangerous world I leapt:<br>Helpless, naked, piping loud:<br>Like a fiend hid in a cloud.
** ''Infant Sorrow'', st. 1
* I was angry with my friend:<br>I told my wrath, my wrath did end.<br>I was angry with my foe:<br>I told it not, my wrath did grow.
** ''A Poison Tree'', st. 1
* In the morning glad I see<br>My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.
** ''Ibid.'', st. 4
* '''Children of the future Age <br> Reading this indignant page, <br> Know that in a former time <br> Love! sweet Love! was thought a crime.'''
** ''A Little Girl Lost'', st. 1
* Cruelty has a human heart,<br>And Jealousy a human face;<br>Terror the human form divine,<br>And Secrecy the human dress.
** '' A Divine Image'', st. 1
==== ''[[w:The Tyger|The Tyger]]'' (1794) ====
[[File:The Tyger BM a 1794.jpg|thumb|Tyger Tyger, burning bright,<br />In the forests of the night;<br />What immortal hand or eye,<br />Could frame thy fearful symmetry?]]
* '''Tyger! Tyger! burning bright <br>in the forests of the night, <br>What immortal hand or eye <br>Could frame thy fearful symmetry?'''
** St. 1
* In what distant deeps or skies <br>Burnt the fire of thine eyes? <br>On what wings dare he aspire? <br>What the hand dare seize the fire?
** St. 2
* '''When the stars threw down their spears, <br>And water'd heaven with their tears, <br>Did he smile his work to see? <br>Did he who made the Lamb make thee?'''
** St. 5
====Letter to Revd. Dr. Trusler (1799)====
[[File:Blake - angel of revelation.jpg |thumb|right|What is [[Greatness|Grand]] is [[Necessity|necessarily]] obscure to Weak men. That which can be made Explicit to the [[idiot]] is not worth my care.]]
:<small>Letter to Revd. Dr. Trusler (23 August 1799)</small>
* '''What is [[Greatness|Grand]] is [[Necessity|necessarily]] obscure to Weak men. That which can be made Explicit to the [[idiot]] is not worth my care.'''
* But Want of Money & the Distress of A Thief can never be alleged as the Cause of his Thieving, for many honest people endure greater hard ships with Fortitude. We must therefore seek the Cause else where than in want of Money for that is the Misers passion, not the Thiefs.
* Fun I love, but too much Fun is of all things the most loathsom. '''Mirth is better than Fun & Happiness is better than Mirth.'''
* To the Eyes of a Miser a Guinea is more beautiful than the Sun & and a bag worn with the use of Money has more beautiful proportions than a Vine filled with Grapes. The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the Eyes of others only a Green thing that stands in the way. Some see Nature all Ridicule and Deformity, and by these I shall not regulate my proportions; and some scarce see Nature at all. '''But to the Eyes of the Man of Imagination, Nature is Imagination itself. As a man is, So he Sees. As the Eye is formed, such are its Powers.'''.
=== 1800s ===
* When a Man has Married a Wife<br>He finds out whether<br>Her Knees & elbows are only<br>glued together.
** ''Poems from Blake's Notebook'' (c. 1800–1803)
* When nations grow old,<br>the Arts grow cold,<br>And Commerce settles on every tree:<br>And the poor and the old<br>Can live upon gold,<br>For all are born poor.<br> ''Aged sixty-three.''
**''On Art And Artists'' (1800) 'On the Foundation of the Royal Academy'
* Fiery the Angels rose, and as they rose deep thunder roll'd<br>Around their shores: indignant burning with the fires of Orc.
** ''America, A Prophecy''.
[[File:BLAKE12.JPG|thumb|right|Blake's "A Negro Hung Alive by the Ribs to a Gallows", an illustration to J. G. Stedman's ''Narrative, of a Five Years' Expedition, against the Revolted Negroes of Surinam'' (1796).]]
* Acts themselves alone are history, and these are neither the exclusive property of Hume, Gibbon nor Voltaire, Echard, Rapin, Plutarch, nor Herodotus. Tell me the Acts, O historian, and leave me to reason upon them as I please; away with your reasoning and your rubbish. All that is not action is not worth reading.
**Blake's Exhibition and Catalogue of 1809, A Descriptive Catalogue of Pictures: Number V. The Ancient Britons
* Art can never exist without Naked Beauty displayed.
**''The Laocoön''
* Art is the tree of life.<br>S<span style="font-variant:small-caps;text-transform:lowercase">CIENCE</span> is the Tree of D<span style="font-variant:small-caps;text-transform:lowercase">EATH</span><br> A<span style="font-variant:small-caps;text-transform:lowercase">RT</span> is the Tree of L<span style="font-variant:small-caps;text-transform:lowercase">IFE</span>'''GOD is J<span style="font-variant:small-caps;text-transform:lowercase">ESUS</span>'''
**''The Laocoön''
* Jesus & his apostles & disciples were all artists
**''The Laocoön'', p. 271
==== ''[[w:Auguries of Innocence|Auguries of Innocence]]'' (1803) ====
:<small>''[[wikisource:Auguries of Innocence|Auguries of Innocence]]'' at Wikisource </small>
[[File:'Epilobium hirsutum' ~ Great Hairy Willowherb at Shipley, West Sussex, England 03.JPG|thumb|To see a World in a Grain of Sand <br> And a Heaven in a Wild Flower.]]
[[File:Magic in sand.jpg|thumb|Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand<br>And Eternity in an hour.]]
[[File:Double-alaskan-rainbow.jpg|thumb|God appears and god is light<br>To those poor souls who dwell in night<br> But does a human form display<br> To those who dwell in realms of day.]]
* '''To see a World in a Grain of Sand <br> And a Heaven in a Wild Flower, <br>Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand<br>And Eternity in an hour.'''
** Line 1
* '''A robin redbreast in a cage<br>Puts all Heaven in a rage.'''
** Line 5
* '''A dog starved at his master's gate<br>Predicts the ruin of the state.'''
** Line 9
* He who shall hurt the little wren<br>Shall never be beloved by men.
** Line 29
* '''A truth that's told with bad intent<br>Beats all the lies you can invent.'''
** Line 53
* Man was made for joy and woe,<br>And when this we rightly know<br>Through the world we safely go.<br>Joy and woe are woven fine,<br>A clothing for the soul divine.
** Line 56. Compare [[Psalms|Psalm]] 30:5 (KJV): "weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
* '''Every tear from every eye<br>Becomes a babe in eternity.'''
** Line 67
* He who shall teach the child to doubt<br>The rotting grave shall ne'er get out.
** Line 87
* The strongest poison ever known<br>Came from Caesar's laurel crown.
** Line 97
* He who doubts from what he sees<br>Will ne'er believe, do what you please.<br>If the sun and moon should doubt<br>They'd immediately go out.
** Line 107
* The harlot's cry from street to street<br>Shall weave old England's winding sheet.
** Line 115
* '''Every night, and every morn,<br>Some to misery are born.<br>Every morn, and every night,<br>Some are born to sweet delight.<br>Some are born to sweet delight.<br>Some are born to endless night.'''
** Line 123
* '''God appears and god is light<br>To those poor souls who dwell in night<br> But does a human form display<br> To those who dwell in realms of day'''
** Line 129
==== ''Poems from Blake's Notebook'' (c. 1804) ====
[[File:William Blake - Los Entering the Grave - WGA02220.jpg |thumb|right|[[Terror]] in the house does roar,<br>But [[Pity]] stands before the [[door]].]]
* My specter around me night and day<br>Like a wild beast guards my way,<br>My emanation far within<br>Weeps incessantly for my sin.
** ''My Specter'', st. 1
* And throughout all [[eternity]]<br>I [[Forgiveness|forgive]] you, you forgive me.
** ''My Specter'', st. 14
* Mock on, mock on, [[Voltaire]], [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau|Rousseau]].<br>Mock on, mock on — 'tis all in vain!<br>You throw the sand against the wind,<br>And the wind blows it back again.
** ''Mock On'', st. 1
* [[Terror]] in the house does roar,<br>But [[Pity]] stands before the [[door]].
** ''Terror in the House''
==== ''Poems from the Pickering Manuscript'' (c. 1805) ====
* There is a smile of love,<br>And there is a smile of deceit,<br>And there is a smile of smiles<br>In which these two smiles meet.
** ''The Smile'', st. 1
* This cabinet is formed of gold<br>And pearl and crystal shining bright,<br>And within it opens into a world<br>And a little lovely moony night.
** ''The Crystal Cabinet'', st. 2
* For a tear is an intellectual thing,<br>And a sigh is the sword of an Angel King,<br>And the bitter groan of the martyr's woe<br>Is an arrow from the Almighty's bow.
** ''The Gray Monk'', st. 8
==== ''[[w:Milton a Poem|Milton]]'' (c. 1809) ====
[[File:The dance to the music of time c. 1640.jpg|thumb|right|Time is the mercy of Eternity; without Time's swiftness Which is the swiftest of all things, all were eternal torment. ]]
* The Stolen and Perverted Writings of Homer & Ovid, of Plato & Cicero, which all men ought to contemn, are set up by artifice against the Sublime of the Bible
** ''Preface''
* '''Rouze up, O Young Men of the New Age!''' set your foreheads against the ignorant Hirelings! For we have Hirelings in the Camp, the Court & the University, who would, if they could, for ever depress Mental & prolong Corporeal War.
** ''Ibid''
* And did those feet in ancient time,<br>Walk upon England's mountains green?<br>And was the holy Lamb of God<br>On England's pleasant pastures seen?<br><br>And did the Countenance Divine<br>Shine forth upon our clouded hills?<br>And was Jerusalem builded here<br>Among these dark Satanic mills?<br><br>Bring me my Bow of burning gold,<br>Bring me my Arrows of desire,<br>Bring me my Spear — O clouds, unfold!<br>Bring me my Chariot of fire!<br><br>I will not cease from mental fight,<br>Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,<br>Till we have built Jerusalem<br>In England's green & pleasant land.
** ''Prefatory Poem''
* '''Time is the mercy of Eternity; without Time's swiftness Which is the swiftest of all things, all were eternal torment.'''
** ''Book the First'', 24:72
==== ''Poems from Blake's Notebook'' (c. 1807-1809) ====
* Great things are done when men and mountains meet;<br>This is not done by jostling in the street.
** ''Great Things Are Done''
* If you have formed a circle to go into,<br>Go into it yourself and see how you would do.
** ''To God''
* The Angel that presided o'er my birth<br>Said, "Little creature, formed of joy and mirth,<br>Go love without the help of any thing on earth."
** ''The Angel That Presided''
* Grown old in love from seven till seven times seven,<br>I oft have wished for Hell for ease from Heaven.
** ''Grown Old in Love''
==== ''[[w:Jerusalem The Emanation of the Giant Albion|Jerusalem The Emanation of The Giant Albion]]'' (c. 1803–1820) ====
[[File:Jerusalem copy e plate 2.jpeg|thumb|[[Poetry]] Fetter'd. Fetters the [[Humanity|Human Race]]. [[Nations]] are Destroy'd, or Flourish, in proportion as Their Poetry, [[Painting]], and [[Music]] are Destroy'd or Flourish!]]
[[File:Jerusalem pl 26 copy E contrast.jpeg|thumb|I rest not from my [[great]] [[task]]!<br />To open the Eternal [[Worlds]], to open the [[immortal]] [[Eyes]]<br />Of [[Humanity|Man]] inwards into the [[Worlds]] of [[Thought]]: into [[Eternity]]<br />Ever expanding in the Bosom of [[God]], the [[Human]] [[Imagination]].]]
[[File:Jerusalem Plate 100.jpg|thumb|right|I must [[Create]] a [[System]], or be [[Slavery|enslav'd]] by another Man's;<br>I will not [[Reason]] and Compare: my business is to Create.]]
* Half Friendship is the bitterest Enmity...
** ''Frontiespiece, plate 1, line 8 (as it seen on the additional plate, Fitzwilliam Museum).
* Every Thing has its Vermin O Spectre of the Sleeping Dead!
** ''Frontiespiece, plate 1, line 11 (as it seen on the additional plate, Fitzwilliam Museum).
* Poetry Fetter'd. Fetters the Human Race. Nations are Destroy'd, or Flourish, in proportion as Their Poetry, Painting, and Music are Destroy'd or Flourish!
** ''To the Public, plate 3 (the last paragraph)
* I am not a God afar off, I am a brother and friend;<br />Within your bosoms I reside, and you reside in me:<br />Lo! we are One; forgiving all Evil; Not seeking recompense!
** ''Ch. 1, plate 4, lines 18-28 The Words of Jesus to the Giant Albion
* Trembling I sit day and night, my friends are astonish'd at me.<br />Yet they forgive my wanderings, I rest not from my great task!<br />To open the Eternal Worlds, to open the immortal Eyes<br />Of Man inwards into the Worlds of Thought: into Eternity<br />Ever expanding in the Bosom of God. the Human Imagination
** ''Ch. 1, plate 5, lines 16-20 The Words of Blake
* O Saviour pour upon me thy Spirit of meekness & love:<br />Annihilate the Selfhood in me, be thou all my life!<br />Guide thou my hand which trembles exceedingly upon the rock of ages
** ''Ch. 1, plate 5, lines 21-23 The Words of Blake
* They have divided themselves by Wrath. they must be united by<br /> Pity<...>
** ''Ch. 1, plate 7, lines 57-58 The Words of Los to his Spectre
* Pity must join together those whom wrath has torn in sunder
** ''Ch. 1, plate 7, lines 62 The Words of Los to his Spectre
* I must Create a System, or be enslav'd by another Man's;<br />I will not Reason and Compare: my business is to Create.
** ''Ch. 1, plate 10, lines 20-21 The Words of Los
* Ever Weeping Paddington...
** ''Ch. 1, plate 12, line 28
* For every thing exists & not one sigh nor smile nor tear,<br />One hair nor particle of dust, not one can pass away.
** ''Ch. 1, plate 13, line 66 — plate 14, line 1
* I see the Four-fold Man.<br />The Humanity in deadly sleep,<br />And its fallen Emanation. The Spectre & its cruel Shadow.<br />I see the Past, Present & Future, existing all at once<br />Before me; O Divine Spirit sustain me on thy wings!
** ''Ch. 1, plate 15, lines 6-9
* SUCH VISIONS HAVE APPEARD TO ME<br /> AS I MY ORDERD RACE HAVE RUN<br /> JERUSALEM IS NAMED LIBERTY<br /> AMONG THE SONS OF ALBION
** ''Ch. 1, plate 26, lines 1-4
* The fields from Islington to Marybone,<br /> To Primrose Hill and Saint John's Wood:<br />Were builded over with pillars of gold,<br /> And there Jerusalems pillars stood.
** ''Ch. 1, plate 27, "To the Jews" 1) lines 1-4
* Pancrass & Kentish-town repose<br /> Among her golden pillars high:<br />Among her golden arches which<br /> Shine upon the starry sky.
** ''Ch. 1, plate 27, "To the Jews" 1) lines 9-12
* He who would do good to another must do it in minute particulars;<br>General good is the plea of the scoundrel, hypocrite, and flatterer:<br>For art and science cannot exist but in minutely organized Particulars.
** ''Ch. 3, plate 55, line 60
* What is a Wife & what is a Harlot? What is a Church & What<br>Is a Theatre? are they Two & not One? can they Exist Separate?<br>Are not Religion & Politics the Same Thing? Brotherhood is Religion<br>O Demonstrations of Reason Dividing Families in Cruelty & Pride!
** ''Ch. 3, plate 57
* England! awake! awake! awake!<br>Jerusalem thy sister calls!<br>Why wilt thou sleep the sleep of death<br>And close her from thy ancient walls?
** ''Ch. 4, prefatory poem, plate 77, st. 1
* It is easier to forgive an Enemy than to forgive a Friend.
** ''Ch. 4, plate 91, line 1
=== 1810s ===
* Commerce is so far from being beneficial to Arts or to Empire, that it is destructive of both, as all their History shows, for the above Reason of Individual Merit being its Great Hatred. Empires flourish till they become Commercial & then they are scattered abroad to the four winds
**''Public Address'', Blake's Notebook c. 1810
* When I tell any Truth it is not for the sake of Convincing those who do not know it but for the sake of defending those who Do
**''Public Address'', Blake's Notebook c. 1810
* Every Harlot was a Virgin once
**''For the Sexes: The Gates of Paradise'': [Epilogue] ''To The Accuser who is The God of This World''
* It is not because Angels are Holier than Men or Devils that makes them Angels but because they do not Expect Holiness from one another but from God only
** ''A Vision of the Last Judgment''
* Thinking as I do that the Creator of this World is a very Cruel Being & being a Worshipper of Christ, I cannot help saying: "the Son, O how unlike the Father!" First God Almighty comes with a Thump on the Head. Then Jesus Christ comes with a balm to heal it.
** ''A Vision of the Last Judgment''
* This world of imagination is the world of eternity.
** ''A Vision of the Last Judgment''
* You cannot have Liberty in this world without what you call Moral Virtue & you cannot have Moral Virtue without the Slavery of that half of the Human Race who hate what you call Moral Virtue
** ''A Vision of the Last Judgment''
* I assert, for myself, that '''I do not behold the outward creation''', and that to me '''it is hindrance and not action.''' "What !" it will be questioned, "when the sun rises, do you not see a round disc of fire somewhat like a guinea !" Oh ! no, no ! I see an innumerable company of the heavenly host crying "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty !" '''I question not my corporeal eye''' any more than I would question a window concerning a sight. '''I look through it, and not with it.'''
** ''A Vision of the Last Judgment''
* ...some say that Happiness is not Good for Mortals & they ought to be answerd that Sorrow is not fit for Immortals & is utterly useless to any one a blight never does good to a tree & if a blight kill not a tree but it still bear fruit let none say that the fruit was in consequence of the blight.
** Letter to William Hayley (1803-10-07)
* The Goddess Fortune is the devils servant ready to Kiss any ones Arse.
**Inscription on Illustrations to Dante "No. 16: HELL Canto 7"
*The Old & New Testaments are / the Great Code of Art.
**"Laocoön" [engraving] [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Laocoon_%28Blake%29]
==== ''The Everlasting Gospel'' (c. 1818) ====
:<small>''[[s:The Everlasting Gospel|The Everlasting Gospel]]'' at Wikisource · [http://www.bartleby.com/236/58.html ''The Everlasting Gospel'' as rendered in ''The Oxford Book of English Mystical Verse'' (1917) edited by Nicholson & Lee] </small>
* '''The [[vision]] of Christ that thou dost see <br /> Is my vision's greatest enemy.''' <br /> Thine has a great hook nose like thine; <br /> Mine has a snub nose like to mine. <br /> Thine is the Friend of all Mankind; <br /> Mine speaks in parables to the blind. <br /> Thine loves the same world that mine hates; <br /> '''Thy heaven doors are my hell gates.'''
* '''If He had been Antichrist, Creeping Jesus, <br /> He'd have done anything to please us'''; <br /> Gone sneaking into synagogues, <br /> And not us'd the Elders and Priests like dogs; <br /> But humble as a lamb or ass <br /> Obey'd Himself to Caiaphas.
* God wants not man to humble himself:<br /> That is the trick of the Ancient Elf. <br /> This is the race that Jesus ran: <br /> Humble to God, haughty to man, <br /> Cursing the Rulers before the people <br />Even to the Temple's highest steeple, <br /> And when He humbled Himself to God <br /> Then descended the cruel rod. <br /> ‘If Thou Humblest Thyself, Thou humblest Me. <br /> Thou also dwell’st in Eternity.
* This life's dim windows of the soul<br>Distorts the heavens from pole to pole<br>And leads you to believe a lie<br>When you see with, not through, the eye.
* Seeing this False Christ, in fury and passion <br /> I made my voice heard all over the nation. <br /> … <br /> I am sure this Jesus will not do<br>Either for Englishman or Jew.
==== Miscellaneous poems and fragments from the Nonesuch edition ====
* "I die, I die!" the Mother said,<br>"My children die for lack of Bread."
** The Grey Monk, stanza 1
* My Brother starv'd between two Walls,<br>His Children's Cry my Soul appalls;
** ''Ibid'', stanza 5
* The iron hand crush'd the Tyrant's head<br>And became a Tyrant in his stead.
** ''Ibid'', stanza 9
== Attributed ==
* When a sinister person means to be your enemy, they always start by trying to become your friend.
* [T]he man who never alters his opinions is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.
** As quoted in ''William Blake'': Bloom's Classic Critical Views, eds. Harold Bloom, Alexis Harley, Infobase Publishing (2008), p. 148 : <small>{{ISBN|1438117078}}</small>
*I myself do nothing. The Holy Spirit accomplishes all through me.
**Attributed to William Blake by Michael J. Gelb in ''[https://books.google.nl/books?id=lCsNBQAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&dq=%22Creativity+on+Demand:+How+to+Ignite+and+Sustain+the+Fire+of+Genius%22&hl=nl&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjolMyvm6TLAhVDLQ8KHechDoIQ6AEIHzAA#v=onepage&q=%22I%20myself%20do%20nothing.%20The%20Holy%20Spirit%20accomplishes%20all%20through%20me%22&f=false Creativity on Demand: How to Ignite and Sustain the Fire of Genius]'' (2014), but cannot be retrieved in ''[[:en:s:The Marriage of Heaven and Hell|The Marriage of Heaven and Hell]]'', xxii.
==Quotes about Blake==
[[File:Emanation.png|thumb|right|Only [[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche]] and Blake [[know]] a wholly fallen [[Godhead]], a Godhead which is an absolutely alien [[Nothingness|Nihil]], but the full reversal of that Nihil is [[apocalypse]] itself, an apocalypse which is an absolute [[joy]], and Blake and Nietzsche are those very writers who have most evoked that joy. ~ [[Thomas J. J. Altizer]] ]]
* '''What is most [[needed]] today is a fundamental theological thinking, one centered upon the [[Godhead]] itself, and centered upon that which is most challenging or most offensive in the Godhead, one which has truly been veiled in the modern [[world]], except by our most [[revolutionary]] [[thinkers]] and [[visionaries]].''' If we allow Blake and [[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche]] to be paradigmatic of those revolutionaries, nowhere else does such a centering upon God or the Godhead occur, although a full parallel to this occurs in [[Spinoza]] and [[Hegel]]; but the language of Hegel and Spinoza is not actually offensive, or not in its immediate impact, whereas the language of Nietzsche and Blake is the most purely offensive language which has ever been inscribed. Above all this is true of the theological language of Blake and Nietzsche, but here a theological language is a truly universal language, one occurring in every domain, and occurring as that [[Nihilism|absolute No]] which is the origin of every repression and every [[darkness]], and a darkness which is finally the darkness of God, or the darkness of that Godhead which is beyond “God.” '''Only Nietzsche and Blake know a wholly fallen Godhead, a Godhead which is an absolutely alien [[Nothingness|Nihil]], but the full reversal of that Nihil is [[apocalypse]] itself, an apocalypse which is an absolute [[joy]], and Blake and Nietzsche are those very writers who have most evoked that joy.'''
** [[Thomas J. J. Altizer]], ''Godhead and the Nothing'' (2003), Preface
* ..I saw William Blake (in his dream), noble emanation of English genius... ...’Have confidence in your objects,’ he said, 'do not let yourself be intimidated by the horror of the world. Everything is ordered and correct and must fulfill its destiny in order to attain perfection. Seek this path'.. ..I awoke and found myself in Holland in the midst of boundless world turmoil. But my belief in the final release and absolution of all things, whether they please or torment, was newly strengthened.
** [[Max Beckmann]], in his public speech 'On my painting' for the exhibition ‘Twentieth-Century German Art’, London, 21 July 1938; Tate Publishing London, 2003
* To me, it seems best to read Blake in company with his truest peers, [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] and [[Milton]], and with his greatest contemporaries, [[Wordsworth]] and [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]]. He was a visionary, rather than a mystic, and, like [[D. H. Lawrence]] and [[Sigmund Freud]], he hoped to encourage us to exalt our human potential. Perhaps Blake can be best termed an apocalyptic humanist, who urges us never to forget that all deities reside in the human breast.
** [[Harold Bloom]] (May 22, 2007) ''The Complete Poetry and Prose of William Blake'' ed. David V. Erdman (2008) Forward
*"Blake was among the first of European idealists to link his own traditions of thought" with the Indian classic...
**1947 Northrop Frye, in Fearful Symmetry. cited in Weir, David Brahma in the Westp. 8 - 97., as quoted in Londhe, S. (2008). [https://books.google.com/books/about/A_Tribute_to_Hinduism.html?id=G3AMAQAAMAAJ A tribute to Hinduism: Thoughts and wisdom spanning continents and time about India and her culture]
*I also liked the Romantic poets. Wordsworth, Keats, Burns and Blake were some of my favourites. There was something about their rebellious spirit against the evils of industrialization that moved me. Of course now, some of their pessimism, mysticism and limited critical realist visions make me quite uncomfortable.
**[[Micere Githae Mugo]] in ''Talking with African Writers'' by Jane Wilkinson (1992)
* I learned this bit of wisdom from a principle of William Blake's which I discovered early and followed far too assiduously the first half of my aesthetic life, and from which I have happily released myself and this axiom was: "Put off intellect and put on imagination; the imagination is the man." From this doctrinal assertion evolved the theoretical axiom that you don't see a thing until you look away from it which was an excellent truism as long as the principles of the imaginative life were believed in and followed. I no longer believe in the imagination.
** [[Marsden Hartley]] in his article ''Art and the Personal Life,'', 1928; accessed online Aug. 7, 2007 on [http://www.artchive.com/artchive/H/hartley.html Artchive], n.p.
*There is no century in which Blake would not have seen angels.
**[[Thomas Merton]], in "Mystics and Zen Masters"
* It is not at all certain that a merely moral criticism of society may not be just as "revolutionary" — and revolution, after all, means turning things upside down — as the politico-economic criticism which is fashionable at this moment. Blake was not a politician, but there is more understanding of the nature of capitalist society in a poem like "I wander through each charter'd street" than in three-quarters of Socialist literature.
** [[George Orwell]], ''Dickens'' (1939)
* I think it was [[William Blake|Blake]]'s "The Tyger." I was given poems to copy, that was how my father taught me to do handwriting. "The Tyger" was one of them and it was so musical and mysterious. The wonderful image sank very deep very early. ("Do you remember the first poem that touched you deeply, that awakened you somehow?")
** [[Adrienne Rich]], interview (1996) in ''The Language of Life: A Festival of Poets'' by [[Bill Moyers]]
*"I was angry with my friend,/I told my wrath, my wrath did end./I was angry with my foe,/I told it not, my wrath did grow." As an angry child, often urged to "curb my temper," I used to ponder those words of William Blake, but they slid first into my memory through their repetitions of sound, their ominous rhythms.
**[[Adrienne Rich]], Blood, Bread, and Poetry (1986)
* In the modern world, the [[Romanticism|Romantics]] were the last major cultural movement to assert the "truth of the imagination," defending art as a way of knowing the world that equalled or surpassed scientific reason. In their resistance to what Blake called "Satan's Mathematik Holiness," their goal was not to reject science but to enlarge it. ...the Romantics sought to understand by ''augmentation''.
** Betty and [[Theodore Roszak (scholar)|Theodore Roszak]], "Deep Form in Art and Nature" ''Alexandria 4'', Vol.4 ''The Order of Beauty and Nature'' (1997) ed. David Fideler
* Blake deeply admired science; he never failed to portray it heroically. But he was concerned that science saw the universe from an odd angle that hid as much as it revealed. Science screened the value of things, the beauty of things, the sacredness of things as if these qualities might not really be there. Blake called this Single Vision, and contrasted it with his ideal Fourfold vision: an understanding that included the poetic, the sensuous, and the visionary along with the rational. ...he fervently prayed for our culture to be saved from the scientist's severe abbreviation of reality: "God us keep from Single Vision and [[Isaac Newton|Newton's]] Sleep."
** Theodore Roszak, ''The Gendered Atom'' (1999)
* [[Sigmund Freud|Freud]] was frank to admit that Romantic artists like Blake had discovered the unconscious before he had. But... he could hardly adopt Blake's unsettling view of the scientific psyche.
** [[Theodore Roszak (scholar)|Theodore Roszak]], ''The Gendered Atom'' (1999)
*Re-claiming, contextualizing, and interpreting their memories remain the historians' tasks. I am reminded of a line in William Blake's "Auguries of Innocence"-"To see a world in a grain of sand."
**[[Vicki L. Ruiz]], ''From Out of the Shadows: Mexican Women in Twentieth-Century America''
*think: poems fixed this landscape: Blake, Donne, Keats
**''Collected Poems of [[Muriel Rukeyser]]''
* Most scientists would make very hard work of explaining how the concept of soul fits into the material universe, where there is nothing but "atoms and the void." Was this what Blake meant when he said that science was a tree of death? The death of religion? Of imagination? Both have been frequently suggested. ...Science is certainly our prime weapon against superstition and irrationalism, but in a world in which science flourishes—with or without God—love and fear remain, as do pleasure and regret, poetry and humor, art and music. The arts are not lessened by the sciences. Blake was mistaken: man's ineradicable gift, his questing curiosity, the divine discontent, is the common source of the arts and sciences.
** Brian L. Silver, ''The Ascent of Science'' (1998)
* It may seem to be a long way from Blake's innocent talk of love and copulation to [[Marquis de Sade|De Sade's]] need to inflict pain. And yet both are the outcome of a sexual mysticism that strives to transcend the everyday world. [[Simone de Beauvoir]] said penetratingly of De Sade's work that 'he is trying to communicate an experience whose distinguishing characteristic is, nevertheless its will to remain incommunicable'. De Sade's perversion may have sprung from his dislike of his mother or of other women, but its basis is a kind of distorted religious emotion.
** [[Colin Wilson]] in ''The Origins of the Sexual Impulse'', p. 90 (1963)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commons|William Blake}}
* [http://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/blake/ Archive of an exhibit of his work at the National Gallery of Victori)]
*[http://virtual.park.uga.edu/~wblake/home.html Blake Digital Text Project]
*[http://www.neonalley.com/blake.html Blue Neon Alley - Directory and Poems]
* [http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/wblake.htm Brief biography at Kirjasto (Pegasos)]
* [http://www.elp.it/bygothic/Gallery/Blake/index.html Gallery of Paintings]
*[http://www.the3graces.info/random_blake.htm Introduction to The Drawings and Engravings of William Blake, by Laurence Binyon]
*[http://www.sanjeev.net/poetry/blake-william/index.html Poetry Archive: 170 poems of William Blake]
* [http://books.google.com/books?id=jEdaAAAAMAAJ& ''The Prophetic Books of William Blake: Jerusalem''] by William Blake (1904) @Google Books
* [http://www.poetseers.org/the_poetseers/blake/ Selected Poems - William Blake] Including Songs of Innocence and Songs of Experience
* [http://eir.library.utoronto.ca/rpo/display/poet24.html Selected poetry at The University of Toronto]
*[http://librivox.org/voice-of-the-ancient-bard-by-william-blake/ The Voice of the Ancient Bard] (free audiobook)
*[http://www.blakearchive.org/ The William Blake Archive]
*[http://www.williamblake.com/ William Blake - Cybersongs of Innocence]
* [http://www.gailgastfield.com/Blake.html The William Blake Page]
*{{gutenberg author|id=William_Blake|name=William Blake}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Blake, William}}
[[Category:Romantic poets]]
[[Category:Poets from England]]
[[Category:Painters from England]]
[[Category:Illustrators]]
[[Category:Printmakers]]
[[Category:1757 births]]
[[Category:1827 deaths]]
[[Category:Theologians from England]]
[[Category:Critics of religion]]
[[Category:Mystics]]
[[Category:Feminists from England]]
[[Category:Anarcha-feminists]]
[[Category:Abolitionists]]
[[Category:People from London]]
[[Category:Romantic poets]]
[[Category:Free love advocates]]
[[Category:Christian feminists]]
s8cxz8nemoyj8waurtrebntge2dsyo7
John Ray
0
726
3935061
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UDScott
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added [[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]
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[[File:John Ray from NPG.jpg|right|thumb|The [[Wisdom]] of [[God]] Manifested in the [[Works]] of the [[Creation]].]]
'''[[w:John Ray|John Ray]]''' ([[29 November]] [[1627]] – [[17 January]] [[1705]]) was an English naturalist, sometimes referred to as the father of English natural history.
== Quotes ==
* I cannot but look upon the strange Instinct of this noisome and troublesome Creature a Louse, of searching out foul and nasty Clothes to harbor and breed in, as an Effect of divine Providence, design'd to deter Men and Women from Sluttishness and Sordidness.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=rRI5AAAAcAAJ&pg=PA309 The Wisdom of God Manifested in the Works of the Creation]'' (1691). p. 309
* The use of plants is all our life long of that universal importance and concern that we can neither live nor subsist with any decency and convenience, or be said, indeed, to live at all without them. Whatsoever food is necessary to sustain us, whatsoever conteibutes to delight and refresh us, is supplied and brought forth out of that plentiful and abundant store. And ah! how much more innocent, sweet, and healthful is a table covered with those than with all the reeking flesh of butchered and slaughtered animals. Certainly man by nature was never made to be a carnivorous animal, nor is he armed at all for prey and rapine, with jagged and pointed teeth and crooked claws sharpened to rend and tear, but with gentle hands to gather fruit and vegetables, and with teeth to chew and eat them.
** Quoted in ''The Ethics of Diet: A Catena of Authorities Deprecatory of the Practice of Flesh-eating'' by [[Howard Williams (humanitarian)|Howard Williams]] (London: F. Pitman, 1883), [https://archive.org/stream/ethicsofdietcate00will/ethicsofdietcate00will#page/107/mode/2up p. 107].
=== ''English Proverbs'' (1670) ===
[[File:Horse of Kent.svg|thumb|right|If wishes were horses, beggars might ride.]]
John Ray. ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=ofEIAAAAQAAJ A compleat collection of English proverbs. To which is added, A collection of English words not generally used].'' 1670/1813. Next page numbers from 1813 ed.
* '''In a calm sea every man is a pilot.'''
** p. 4
* Like blood, like good, and like agen make the happiest marriage.
** p. 48
* He speaks Bear-garden.<br><small> That is, such rude and uncivil, or sordid and dirty language, as the rabble that frequent those sports, are wont to use.</small>
** p. 55
* Money and friendship bribe justice.<br>Beauty is potent, but money is omnipotent.
** p. 94
* Prate us but prade; it's money buys land<br>Money begets money.
** p. 140
* '''If ''wishes'' were butter-cakes, beggars might bite.'''<br>If wishes were thrushes, beggars would eat birds.<br>If wishes would bide, beggars would ride.
** p. 174
* As full as a piper's bag; as a tick.
:As full as a toad is of poison.
:As full as a jade, quoth the bride.
:As gant as a greyhound.
:As glad as a fowl of a fair day.
:'''To go like a cat upon a hot bake-stone.'''
:To go out like a candle in a snuff.
:As good as George of Green.
:To go like a cat upon a hot bake-stone.
:* p. 228
== Quotes about John Ray ==
* I do not know who first emphasized the need for a clear understanding of the sense in which the term species is to be applied. In the second half of the seventeenth century Ray shows some degree of concern on this matter. In the introduction to the ''Historia Plantarum'', 1686, he discusses some of the difficulties and lays down the principle that varieties which can be produced from the seed of the same plant are to be regarded as belonging to one species, being, I believe, the first to suggest this definition.
** [[William Bateson]], ''Problems in Genetics'' (1913).
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Ray, John}}
[[Category:1627 births]]
[[Category:1705 deaths]]
[[Category:Academics from the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Aphorists]]
[[Category:Naturalists from England]]
[[Category:Botanists from England]]
[[Category:Psychologists from England]]
[[Category:University of Cambridge alumni]]
[[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]]
694nuvxu4unmy5trzup38pq1vaqdfu9
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removed [[Category:Academics from the United Kingdom]]; added [[Category:Academics from England]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]
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[[File:John Ray from NPG.jpg|right|thumb|The [[Wisdom]] of [[God]] Manifested in the [[Works]] of the [[Creation]].]]
'''[[w:John Ray|John Ray]]''' ([[29 November]] [[1627]] – [[17 January]] [[1705]]) was an English naturalist, sometimes referred to as the father of English natural history.
== Quotes ==
* I cannot but look upon the strange Instinct of this noisome and troublesome Creature a Louse, of searching out foul and nasty Clothes to harbor and breed in, as an Effect of divine Providence, design'd to deter Men and Women from Sluttishness and Sordidness.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=rRI5AAAAcAAJ&pg=PA309 The Wisdom of God Manifested in the Works of the Creation]'' (1691). p. 309
* The use of plants is all our life long of that universal importance and concern that we can neither live nor subsist with any decency and convenience, or be said, indeed, to live at all without them. Whatsoever food is necessary to sustain us, whatsoever conteibutes to delight and refresh us, is supplied and brought forth out of that plentiful and abundant store. And ah! how much more innocent, sweet, and healthful is a table covered with those than with all the reeking flesh of butchered and slaughtered animals. Certainly man by nature was never made to be a carnivorous animal, nor is he armed at all for prey and rapine, with jagged and pointed teeth and crooked claws sharpened to rend and tear, but with gentle hands to gather fruit and vegetables, and with teeth to chew and eat them.
** Quoted in ''The Ethics of Diet: A Catena of Authorities Deprecatory of the Practice of Flesh-eating'' by [[Howard Williams (humanitarian)|Howard Williams]] (London: F. Pitman, 1883), [https://archive.org/stream/ethicsofdietcate00will/ethicsofdietcate00will#page/107/mode/2up p. 107].
=== ''English Proverbs'' (1670) ===
[[File:Horse of Kent.svg|thumb|right|If wishes were horses, beggars might ride.]]
John Ray. ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=ofEIAAAAQAAJ A compleat collection of English proverbs. To which is added, A collection of English words not generally used].'' 1670/1813. Next page numbers from 1813 ed.
* '''In a calm sea every man is a pilot.'''
** p. 4
* Like blood, like good, and like agen make the happiest marriage.
** p. 48
* He speaks Bear-garden.<br><small> That is, such rude and uncivil, or sordid and dirty language, as the rabble that frequent those sports, are wont to use.</small>
** p. 55
* Money and friendship bribe justice.<br>Beauty is potent, but money is omnipotent.
** p. 94
* Prate us but prade; it's money buys land<br>Money begets money.
** p. 140
* '''If ''wishes'' were butter-cakes, beggars might bite.'''<br>If wishes were thrushes, beggars would eat birds.<br>If wishes would bide, beggars would ride.
** p. 174
* As full as a piper's bag; as a tick.
:As full as a toad is of poison.
:As full as a jade, quoth the bride.
:As gant as a greyhound.
:As glad as a fowl of a fair day.
:'''To go like a cat upon a hot bake-stone.'''
:To go out like a candle in a snuff.
:As good as George of Green.
:To go like a cat upon a hot bake-stone.
:* p. 228
== Quotes about John Ray ==
* I do not know who first emphasized the need for a clear understanding of the sense in which the term species is to be applied. In the second half of the seventeenth century Ray shows some degree of concern on this matter. In the introduction to the ''Historia Plantarum'', 1686, he discusses some of the difficulties and lays down the principle that varieties which can be produced from the seed of the same plant are to be regarded as belonging to one species, being, I believe, the first to suggest this definition.
** [[William Bateson]], ''Problems in Genetics'' (1913).
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Ray, John}}
[[Category:1627 births]]
[[Category:1705 deaths]]
[[Category:Academics from England]]
[[Category:Aphorists]]
[[Category:Naturalists from England]]
[[Category:Botanists from England]]
[[Category:Psychologists from England]]
[[Category:University of Cambridge alumni]]
[[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]]
r4jf7140t5hyr3ep8x1002ninq5rpye
3935063
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3935063
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[File:John Ray from NPG.jpg|right|thumb|The [[Wisdom]] of [[God]] Manifested in the [[Works]] of the [[Creation]].]]
'''[[w:John Ray|John Ray]]''' ([[29 November]] [[1627]] – [[17 January]] [[1705]]) was an English naturalist, sometimes referred to as the father of English natural history.
== Quotes ==
* I cannot but look upon the strange Instinct of this noisome and troublesome Creature a Louse, of searching out foul and nasty Clothes to harbor and breed in, as an Effect of divine Providence, design'd to deter Men and Women from Sluttishness and Sordidness.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=rRI5AAAAcAAJ&pg=PA309 The Wisdom of God Manifested in the Works of the Creation]'' (1691). p. 309
* The use of plants is all our life long of that universal importance and concern that we can neither live nor subsist with any decency and convenience, or be said, indeed, to live at all without them. Whatsoever food is necessary to sustain us, whatsoever conteibutes to delight and refresh us, is supplied and brought forth out of that plentiful and abundant store. And ah! how much more innocent, sweet, and healthful is a table covered with those than with all the reeking flesh of butchered and slaughtered animals. Certainly man by nature was never made to be a carnivorous animal, nor is he armed at all for prey and rapine, with jagged and pointed teeth and crooked claws sharpened to rend and tear, but with gentle hands to gather fruit and vegetables, and with teeth to chew and eat them.
** Quoted in ''The Ethics of Diet: A Catena of Authorities Deprecatory of the Practice of Flesh-eating'' by [[Howard Williams (humanitarian)|Howard Williams]] (London: F. Pitman, 1883), [https://archive.org/stream/ethicsofdietcate00will/ethicsofdietcate00will#page/107/mode/2up p. 107].
=== ''English Proverbs'' (1670) ===
[[File:Horse of Kent.svg|thumb|right|If wishes were horses, beggars might ride.]]
John Ray. ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=ofEIAAAAQAAJ A compleat collection of English proverbs. To which is added, A collection of English words not generally used].'' 1670/1813. Next page numbers from 1813 ed.
* '''In a calm sea every man is a pilot.'''
** p. 4
* Like blood, like good, and like agen make the happiest marriage.
** p. 48
* He speaks Bear-garden.<br><small> That is, such rude and uncivil, or sordid and dirty language, as the rabble that frequent those sports, are wont to use.</small>
** p. 55
* Money and friendship bribe justice.<br>Beauty is potent, but money is omnipotent.
** p. 94
* Prate us but prade; it's money buys land<br>Money begets money.
** p. 140
* '''If ''wishes'' were butter-cakes, beggars might bite.'''<br>If wishes were thrushes, beggars would eat birds.<br>If wishes would bide, beggars would ride.
** p. 174
* As full as a piper's bag; as a tick.
:As full as a toad is of poison.
:As full as a jade, quoth the bride.
:As gant as a greyhound.
:As glad as a fowl of a fair day.
:'''To go like a cat upon a hot bake-stone.'''
:To go out like a candle in a snuff.
:As good as George of Green.
:To go like a cat upon a hot bake-stone.
:* p. 228
== Quotes about John Ray ==
* I do not know who first emphasized the need for a clear understanding of the sense in which the term species is to be applied. In the second half of the seventeenth century Ray shows some degree of concern on this matter. In the introduction to the ''Historia Plantarum'', 1686, he discusses some of the difficulties and lays down the principle that varieties which can be produced from the seed of the same plant are to be regarded as belonging to one species, being, I believe, the first to suggest this definition.
** [[William Bateson]], ''Problems in Genetics'' (1913).
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Ray, John}}
[[Category:1627 births]]
[[Category:1705 deaths]]
[[Category:Academics from England]]
[[Category:Aphorists]]
[[Category:Naturalists from England]]
[[Category:Botanists from England]]
[[Category:Psychologists from England]]
[[Category:University of Cambridge alumni]]
[[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]]
[[Category:Protestants]]
k9wncef17jag087ufq0ysjctn98oi1u
Bob Dylan
0
785
3935124
3912642
2026-04-30T21:44:44Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* The Times They Are A-Changin' (1964) */
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wikitext
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The Titanic sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris.
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan.
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the Bible is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The Titanic sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris.
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan.
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the Bible is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The Titanic sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris.
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan.
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the Bible is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
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[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
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[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
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[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
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[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The Titanic sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris.
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan.
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the Bible is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
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[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris.
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan.
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the Bible is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign oil controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding America's future from Amsterdam and to Paris.
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his laws are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate Satan.
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling cocaine and hash<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in Jersey anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
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=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
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[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], Kill me [[Binding of Isaac|a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], [[Binding of Isaac |Kill me a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], [[Binding of Isaac |Kill me a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
[[File:Watchmen-smiley.svg|thumb| Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do]]
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
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[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
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[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
[[File:Giotto - Scrovegni - -31- - Kiss of Judas.jpg|thumb| But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side]]
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], [[Binding of Isaac |Kill me a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
[[File:Watchmen-smiley.svg|thumb| Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do]]
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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/* Nobel Banquet Speech */
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
[[File:DylanYoungKilkenny140719v2 (50 of 52) (52246124397) (cropped).jpg|thumb| Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.]]
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. '''Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.'''
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
[[File:Giotto - Scrovegni - -31- - Kiss of Judas.jpg|thumb| But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side]]
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], [[Binding of Isaac |Kill me a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
[[File:Watchmen-smiley.svg|thumb| Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do]]
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
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=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
[[File:Chuck Berry presenting Golden Plate Award to Bob Dylan - 2003 Academy of Achievement Summit - DC.jpg|thumb| I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.]]
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
[[File:DylanYoungKilkenny140719v2 (50 of 52) (52246124397) (cropped).jpg|thumb| Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.]]
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. '''Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.'''
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
[[File:Giotto - Scrovegni - -31- - Kiss of Judas.jpg|thumb| But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side]]
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], [[Binding of Isaac |Kill me a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
[[File:Watchmen-smiley.svg|thumb| Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do]]
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:1941 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:American folk music]]
[[Category:Folk rock singers]]
[[Category:Blues]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:People from Minnesota]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
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[[File:Bob Dylan Barcelona.jpg|thumb|right|If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin’.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan June 23 1978.jpg|thumb|right|a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that i am a poet]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-3.jpg|thumb|right|I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.]]
[[File:Joan Baez Bob Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in November 1963-5.jpg|thumb|right|We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto2.jpg|thumb|right|Morality has nothing in common with politics.]]
[[File:Ginsberg-dylan.jpg|thumb|right|I don't call myself a poet, because I don't like the word.]]
[[File:Bob Dylan 1996.jpg|thumb|right|Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.]]
'''[[w:Bob Dylan|Bob Dylan]]''' (born '''Robert Allen Zimmerman''' on [[May 24]], [[1941]]) is an American [[w:folk music|folk]] and [[w:rock music|rock]] singer-songwriter, born in [[w:Hibbing, Minnesota|Duluth, Minnesota]]. In 2016 Dylan received the Nobel Prize in Literature, "for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition".
== Quotes ==
[[File:President Barack Obama presents American musician Bob Dylan with a Medal of Freedom (cropped).jpg|thumb| A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.]]
* Anything I can sing, I call a song. Anything I can't sing, I call a poem.
** [https://bobdylan.com/albums/freewheelin-bob-dylan/ Liner notes], ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963)
* Because [[Charles Dickens|Dickens]] and [[Fyodor Dostoyevsky|Dostoyevsky]] and [[Woody Guthrie]] were telling their stories much better than I ever could, I decided to stick to my own mind.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/63-aug.htm "Only Human Driftin' And Learnin'"] by Sidney Fields, ''New York Mirror'' (9 December 1963)
* '''There's no black and white, left and right to me anymore; there's only up and down and down is very close to the ground.''' And I'm trying to go up without thinking about anything trivial such as politics. They has got nothing to do with it. I'm thinking about the general people and when they get hurt.
** Address to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|Emergency Civil Liberties Committee]] (13 December 1963)
* I am a writer an a singer of the words I write I am no speaker nor any politician an my songs speak for me because I write them in the confinement of my own mind an have t cope with no one except my own self.
** Letter sent to the [[w:National Emergency Civil Liberties Committee|ECLC]] after Dylan received the Tom Paine Award at the Bill of Rights dinner on December 13, 1963, as reported in [http://www.hotpress.com/Bob-Dylan/music/interviews/Mr-Dylan-Regrets/2836632.html "Mr. Dylan Regrets"] by Niall Stokes, ''[[w:Hot Press|Hot Press]]'' (11 November 2005)
* do Not create anything, it will be<br />misinterpreted. it will not change.<br />it will follow you the rest of your life.
** "Advice for Geraldine on Her Miscellaneous" (1964)
* '''a poem is a naked person . . . some people say that I am a poet'''
** [http://bobdylan.com/linernotes/bringing.html Liner notes], ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965)
* He's a pinboy. He also wears suspenders. He's a real person. You know him, but not by that name... I saw him come into the room one night and he looked like a camel. He proceeded to put his eyes in his pocket. I asked this guy who he was and he said, "That's Mr. Jones." Then I asked this cat, "Doesn't he do anything but put his eyes in his pocket?" And he told me, "He puts his nose on the ground." It's all there, it's a true story.
** When asked about the meaning of the song "Ballad of a Thin Man" during a 1965 interview.
* You don't necessarily have to write to be a poet. Some people work in gas stations and they're poets. '''I don't call myself a poet because I don't like the word.''' I'm a trapeze artist.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/65-aug.htm Bob Dylan Interview] by Nora Ephron & Susan Edmiston (1965)
* I find it easy to write songs. I been writing songs for a long time and the words to the songs aren't written out just for the paper; they're written as you can read it, you dig. '''If you take whatever there is to the song away—the beat, the melody—I could still recite it.''' I see nothing wrong with songs you can't do that with either—songs that, if you took the beat and the melody away, they wouldn't stand up because they're not supposed to do that, you know. Songs are songs.
** Interview with Paul Robbins (March, 1965)
* I accept [[chaos]]. I am not sure whether it accepts me. I know there are some people terrified of [[w:Atomic bomb|the bomb]], but there are others terrified to be seen carrying a [[w:Modern Screen|''Modern Screen'' magazine]]. Experience teaches that [[silence]] terrifies the most.
** As quoted in [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"] by [[Nat Hentoff]], in [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
*'''Reporter:''' How many people who labor in the same musical vineyard in which you toil - how many are protest singers? That is, people who use their music, and use the songs to protest the, uh, social state in which we live today: the matter of war, the matter of crime, or whatever it might be. <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Um...how ''many?'' <br>'''Reporter:''' Yes. How many? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, I think there's about, uh...136. <br>'''Reporter:''' You say ''about'' 136, or you mean ''exactly'' 136? <br>'''Bob Dylan:''' Uh, it's either 136 or 142.
** Press conference in Los Angeles, California (17 December 1965), as seen and heard in ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]''.
* '''Bob Dylan''': I ''do'' know what my songs are about.<br />'''Playboy''': And what's that?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, some are about four minutes; some are about five, and some, believe it or not, are about eleven or twelve.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/66-jan.htm Playboy Interview] (February 1966)
* Colleges are like old-age homes; except for the fact that more people die in colleges.
** Playboy Interview (February 1966)
* I don't believe you! You're a liar! ... Play it fucking loud!
** Dylan's response to the shout of "Judas" by a heckler, followed by his instructions to his band over the count-in to "Like A Rolling Stone." Heard on [[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966, The "Royal Albert Hall" Concert|The Bootleg Series Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live 1966]]
* Keep a good head and always carry a light bulb.
** Heard in the [[w:D. A. Pennebaker|D. A. Pennebaker]] documentary ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]''<!-- [sic] --> (1967)
* '''God, I'm glad I'm not me.'''
** Said when reading a newspaper article about himself in ''[[w:Dont Look Back|Dont Look Back]]'' (1967)
* You have to be let alone to really accomplish anything.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* I used to think that myself and my songs were the same thing. But I don't believe that any more. There's myself and there's my song, which I hope is everybody's song.
** Interview by Hubert Saal, "Dylan is Back," ''Newsweek'' (26 February 1968)
* My songs always sound a lot better in person than they do on the record.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/bob-dylan-talks-a-raw-and-extensive-first-rolling-stone-interview-19691129 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (29 November 1969)
* Greed and lust I can understand, but I can't understand the values of definition and confinement. Definition destroys. Besides, there's nothing definite in this world.
** [http://www.punkhart.com/dylan/interviews/sep_1976.html Neil Hickey TV Guide interview] (11 September 1976)
* '''Ron Rosenbaum''': Why are you doing what you're doing?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': [Pause] Because I don't know anything else to do. I'm good at it.<br />'''Ron Rosenbaum''': How would you describe "it"?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': I'm an artist. I try to create art.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/play78.htm Playboy Interview] (1978)
* I consider myself a poet first and a musician second. I live like a poet and I'll die like a poet.
** [http://www.expectingrain.com/dok/int/shelton1978.07.29.html Interview] with Robert Shelton, ''[[w:Melody Maker|Melody Maker]]'' (29 July 1978)
* '''Art is the perpetual motion of illusion.''' The highest purpose of art is to inspire. What else can you do? What else can you do for anyone but inspire them?
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19780126 Bob Dylan: The Rolling Stone Interview] by Jonathan Cott (26 January 1978)
* I kinda live where I find myself.
** [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/the-rolling-stone-interview-bob-dylan-19840621 The Rolling Stone Interview: Bob Dylan] (21 June 1984)
* I think women rule the world, and that no man has ever done anything that a woman either hasn't allowed him to do or encouraged him to do.
** Rolling Stone interview (21 June 1984)
* I wanted just a song to sing, and there came a certain point where I couldn't sing anything. So I had to write what I wanted to sing 'cos nobody else was writing what I wanted to sing.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/84-jul30.htm Interview] with Bert Kleinman (30 July 1984). Cf. [[C. S. Lewis]]: "People won't write the books I want, so I have to do it for myself."
* At certain times I read a lot of poetry. My favorite poets are [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] and [[Keats]]. [[Rimbaud]] is so identifiable. [[Lord Byron]]. I don't know. Lately if I read poems, it's like I can always hear the guitar. Even with [[Shakespeare]]'s [[The Sonnets|sonnets]] I can hear a melody because it's all broken up into timed phrases so I hear it. I always keep thinking, 'What kind of song would this be?'
** Interview with Denise Worrell, "'It's All Right in Front': Dylan on Life and Rock" in ''Time'' (25 November 1985)
* '''Chaos is a friend of mine.'''
** ''Newsweek'' (9 December 1985)
* '''I think of a hero as someone who understands the degree of responsibility that comes with his freedom.'''
** Interview published with the ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' album set (1985)
* If the songs are dreamed, it's like my voice is coming out of their dream.
** Quoted in [[w:Robert Shelton (critic)|Robert Shelton]]'s ''No Direction Home'' (1986), p. 281
* '''I think a poet is anybody who wouldn't call himself a poet.''' Anybody who could possibly call himself a poet just cannot be a poet.
** Quoted in Robert Shelton's [https://books.google.com/books?id=-IefAAAAMAAJ&dq=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.%22&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=%22I+think+a+poet+is+anybody+who+wouldn%27t+call+himself+a+poet.+Anybody+who+could+possibly+call+himself+a+poet+just+cannot+be+a+poet.%22 ''No Direction Home''] (1986), p. 353
* When I first heard Elvis's voice I just knew that I wasn't going to work for anybody and nobody was going to be my boss. He is the deity supreme of rock and roll religion as it exists in today's form. Hearing him for the first time was like busting out of jail. I think for a long time that freedom to me was Elvis singing 'Blue Moon of Kentucky.' I thank God for Elvis.
** ''Us Weekly'' (24 August 1987); on the occasion of the tenth anniversary of [[Elvis Presley]]'s death, as reported in ''Bob Dylan: Performing Artist 1986–1990 and Beyond, Mind out of Time'' (2009)
* The first two lines, which rhymed 'kiddin' you' and 'didn't you,' just about knocked me out, and later on, when I got to the jugglers and the chrome horse and the princess on the steeple, it all just about got to be too much.
** Discussing the song "[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]" in ''[[w:Rolling Stone|Rolling Stone]]'' magazine (1988)
* It's not to anybody's best interest to think about how they will be perceived tomorrow. It hurts you in the long run.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* My sense of rhyme used to be more involved in my songwriting than it is... Still staying in the unconscious frame of mind, you can pull yourself out and throw up two rhymes first and work it back. You get the rhymes first and work it back and then see if you can make it make sense in another kind of way. You can still stay in the unconscious frame of mind to pull it off, which is the state of mind you have to be in anyway.
** [http://www.interferenza.com/bcs/interw/1991zollo.htm Bob Dylan: The Song Talk Interview] by Paul Zollo (1991)
* '''People today are still living off the table scraps of the sixties. They are still being passed around — the music and the ideas.'''
** ''The Guardian'' (13 February 1992)
* That ear - I mean, Jesus, he's got to will that to the Smithsonian.
** In reference to [[Brian Wilson]], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* Here's the thing with me and the religious thing. This is the flat-out truth: I find the religiosity and philosophy in the music. I don't find it anywhere else.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I change during the course of a day. I wake and I'm one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I'm somebody else. I don't know who I am most of the time. It doesn't even matter to me.
** [http://europe.newsweek.com/dylan-revisited-174056?rm=eu Dylan Revisited], ''Newsweek'' (1997)
* I'm inconsistent, even to myself.
** Quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/1997/09/28/arts/pop-jazz-a-wiser-voice-blowin-in-the-autumn-wind.html "POP/JAZZ; A Wiser Voice Blowin' In the Autumn Wind"] by Jon Pareles, ''The New York Times'' (28 September 1997)
* '''Bob Dylan''': The [[media]] is all-pervasive. What can a writer think of to write that you don't see every day in a newspaper or on television?<br />'''Interviewer''': ...Do you think that TV and the media have killed [[poetry]] and [[literature]]?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. ... What's a writer to do if every idea is exposed in the media before he can get to it or let it evolve? What's a writer gonna write about? ... We're living in a science-fiction world. We're living in a world that Disney has conquered. Disney's science fiction. Theme parks, trendy streets, it's all science fiction. So I would say, if a writer has got something to say, he'll have to do it in that–<br />'''Interviewer''': Outside of the real world?<br />'''Bob Dylan''': There is a real world. Science fiction has become the real world. Whether we realize it or not, it has.
** The Rome Press Conference (23 July 2001)
* '''We may not be able to defeat these swine, but we don't have to join them.'''
** As quoted in ''[[w:Kingdom of Fear|Kingdom of Fear]]'' (2003) by [[Hunter S. Thompson]]
* I had ambitions to set out and find, like an odyssey or going home somewhere... set out to find... this home that I'd left a while back and couldn't remember exactly where it was, but I was on my way there. And encountering what I encountered on the way was how I envisioned it all. '''I didn't really have any ambition at all. I was born very far from where I'm supposed to be, and so, I'm on my way home, you know?'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I didn't go to classes. I just didn't feel like it.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* An artist has gotta be careful never really to arrive at a place where he thinks he's ''at'' somewhere. You always have to realize that you're constantly in a state of becoming.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* You don't ''need'' my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''You can't be wise and in love at the same time.'''
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* I had no answers to any of those questions any more than any other performer did, really. But, you know, that didn't stop the press or people or whoever they were from asking these questions. They, for some reason the press thought that performers had the answers to all these problems in the society and you know, like what can... What can you say to something like that? I mean, it's just kind of absurd.
** ''[[w:No Direction Home|No Direction Home]]'' (2005)
* '''I read ''[[On the Road]]'' in maybe 1959. It changed my life like it changed everyone else's.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]] on him, as quoted ''Grasping for the Wind : The Search for Meaning in the 20th Century'' (2001) by John W. Whitehead
* Someone handed me ''Mexico City Blues'' in St. Paul [Minnesota] in 1959 and it blew my mind. '''It was the first poetry that spoke my own language.'''
** On the influence of [[Jack Kerouac]], as quoted in ''Jack Kerouac'' (2007) by Alison Behnke, p. 100
* I think it's the land. The streams, the forests, the vast emptiness. The land created me. I'm wild and lonesome. Even as I travel the cities, I'm more at home in the vacant lots. But I have a love for humankind, a love of truth, and a love of justice. I think I have a dualistic nature. I'm more of an adventurous type than a relationship type.
** [http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/music/article6043331.ece ''London Times'' interview] (2009)
* It's not a character like in a book or a movie. He's not a bus driver. He doesn't drive a forklift. He's not a serial killer. It's me who's singing that, plain and simple. '''We shouldn't confuse singers and performers with actors.''' Actors will say, “My character this, and my character that.” Like beating a dead horse. '''Who cares about the character? Just get up and act. You don't have to explain it to me.'''
** {{cite web|title=Bob Dylan, interview with Bill Flanagan|url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/music/bob-dylan/5148025/Bob-Dylan-interview-with-Bill-Flanagan.html|publisher=telegraph.co.uk|date=13 Apr 2009}}
* '''It's peculiar and unnerving in a way to see so many young people walking around with cellphones and iPods in their ears and so wrapped up in media and video games. It robs them of their self-identity.''' It's a shame to see them so tuned out to real life. Of course they are free to do that, as if that's got anything to do with freedom. '''The cost of liberty is high, and young people should understand that before they start spending their life with all those gadgets.'''
**''Rolling Stone'' #1078 (14 May 2009), p. 45
* '''The people in my songs are all me.'''
** [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/19/bob-dylan-interview-revea_n_188782.html "Bob Dylan Sounds Off On The Origin Of His New Record, Parlor Music, Dr. Dre, And Who His Songs Are About"], ''Huffington Post'' (20 May 2009)
* A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/bob_dylan/ Bob Dylan] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== ''[[w:Chronicles: Volume One|Chronicles: Vol. One]]'' (2004) ===
[[File:Chuck Berry presenting Golden Plate Award to Bob Dylan - 2003 Academy of Achievement Summit - DC.jpg|thumb| I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.]]
* It wasn't money or love that I was looking for. I had a heightened sense of awareness, was set in my ways, impractical and a visionary to boot. My mind was strong like a trap and I didn't need any guarantee of validity.
** p. 9
* I was heading for the fantastic lights. No doubt about it. Could it be that I was being deceived? Not likely. I don't think I had enough imagination to be deceived; had no false hope, either. '''I'd come from a long ways off and had started from a long ways down. But now [[destiny]] was about to manifest itself. I felt like it was looking right at me and nobody else.'''
** p. 22
* Morality has nothing in common with politics.
** p. 45
* What was the future? The future was a solid wall, not promising, not threatening—all bunk. No guarantees of anything, not even the guarantee that life isn't one big joke.
** p. 49
* Opportunities may come along for you to convert something—something that exists into something that didn't yet.
** p. 51
* America was changing. I had a feeling of destiny and I was riding the changes... My consciousness was beginning to change, too, change and stretch.
** p. 73
* I had been in a motorcycle accident and I'd been hurt, but I recovered. Truth was that I wanted to get out of the rat race. Having children changed my life and segregated me from just about everybody and everything that was going on. Outside of my family, nothing held any real interest for me and I was seeing everything through different glasses.
** p. 114
* I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of.
** p. 115
* I'm a '60s troubadour, a folk-rock relic, a wordsmith from bygone days, a fictitious head of state from a place nobody knows. I'm in the bottomless pit of cultural oblivion.
** p. 147
* Sometimes you say things in songs even if there's a small chance of them being true. And sometimes you say things that have nothing to do with the truth of what you want to say and sometimes you say things that everyone knows to be true. Then again, at the same time, you're thinking that the only truth on earth is that there is no truth on it. Whatever you are saying, you're saying in a ricky-tick way. There's never time to reflect. You stitched and pressed and packed and drove, is what you did.
** p. 220
* I put one on the turntable and when the needle dropped, I was stunned — didn't know if I was stoned or straight... All these songs together, one after another made my head spin. It made me want to gasp. It was like the land parted.
** Referring to the first [[w:Woody Guthrie|Woody Guthrie]] record he ever heard, p. 243
* [Ref [[Rimbaud]] line<ref>**[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Lettre_de_Rimbaud_%C3%A0_Georges_Izambard_-_13_mai_1871 Letter to Georges Izambard; Charleville, 13 May 1871]</ref> 'Je est un autre,]' “which translates into ‘I is someone else.’ When I read those words the bells went off. It made perfect sense. I wished someone would have mentioned that to me earlier.”
** p288
* The road out would be treacherous, and I didn’t know where it would lead but I followed it anyway. It was a strange world ahead that would unfold, a thunderhead of a world with jagged lightning edges. Many got it wrong and never did get it right. I went straight into it. It was wide open. One thing for sure, not only was it not run by God, but it wasn’t run by the devil either.
** p. 293
=== Nobel Banquet Speech ===
[[File:DylanYoungKilkenny140719v2 (50 of 52) (52246124397) (cropped).jpg|thumb| Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.]]
:<small>[https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2016/dylan-speech.html Bob Dylan - Banquet Speech - Nobelprize.org]</small>
* If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I'd have about the same odds as standing on the moon.
* I began to think about [[William Shakespeare]], the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing [[literature]] couldn't have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing [[Hamlet]], I'm sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: "Who're the right actors for these roles?" "How should this be staged?" "Do I really want to set this in Denmark?" His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. "Is the financing in place?" "Are there enough good seats for my patrons?" "Where am I going to get a human skull?" I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare's mind was the question "Is this ''literature''?"
* As a performer I've played for 50,000 people and I've played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried.
* Like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life's mundane matters. "Who are the best musicians for these songs?" "Am I recording in the right studio?" "Is this song in the right key?" Some things never change, even in 400 years. '''Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, "Are my songs ''literature''?" So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.'''
== Song lyrics ==
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan (album)|Bob Dylan]]'' (1962) ===
==== ''Talking New York'' ====
* You sound like a hillbilly; We want folk singers here.
* A lot of people don't have much food on their table<br>But they got a lot of forks and knives<br>And they gotta cut something
==== ''[[w:Song to Woody|Song to Woody]]'' ====
* I'm out here a thousand miles from my home<br />Walkin' a road other men have gone down<br />I'm seein' your world of people and things<br />Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings
* Hey, hey, [[Woody Guthrie]], I wrote you a song,<br />'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along<br />Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn<br />It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born
* Here's to [[w:Cisco Houston|Cisco]] an' [[w:Sonny Terry|Sonny]] an' [[w:Lead Belly|Lead Belly]] too<br />An' to all the good people that traveled with you<br />Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men<br />That come with the dust and are gone with the wind
** Compare: "We come with the dust and we go with the wind." [[Woody Guthrie]], ''[[w:Pastures of Plenty|Pastures of Plenty]]''.
=== ''[[w:The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan|The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan]]'' (1963) ===
==== ''[[w:Blowin' in the Wind|Blowin' in the Wind]]'' ====
[[File:Roadfogbow.jpg|thumb|right|How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?]]
[[File:Animated_dove_holding_an_olive_branch.gif|thumb|right|How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?]]
* '''How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?<br>How many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?'''
* Yes, and how many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
* How many times can a man turn his head pretending he just doesn't see?
* How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?
* Yes, and how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?
* '''The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.'''
==== ''[[w:Girl from the North Country|Girl from the North Country]]'' ====
* So if you're travelin' in the north country fair,<br>Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline,<br>Remember me to one who lives there.<br>She once was a true love of mine.
==== ''[[w:Masters of War|Masters of War]]'' ====
* But I see through your eyes
* All the money you made will never buy back your soul.
* You ain't worth the blood that runs in your veins.
* There is one thing I know though I'm younger than you<br> Even Jesus would not forgive what you do
* And I hope that you die <br>And your death'll come soon <br>I will follow your casket <br>In the pale afternoon <br>And I'll watch while you're lowered <br>Down to your deathbed <br>And I'll stand o'er your grave <br>'Til I'm sure that you're dead
==== ''[[w:A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall|A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall]]'' ====
* Oh, where have you been, my blue-eyed son?<br />And where have you been, my darling young one?
** Compare: "O where ha' you been, Lord Randal, my son? And where ha' you been, my handsome young man?" ''[[w:Lord Randall|Lord Randall]]'', [[s:Child's Ballads/12|no. 12]].
* I saw a newborn baby with wild wolves all around it.
* I saw ten thousand talkers whose tongues were all broken.
* I heard the roar of a wave that could drown the whole world.
* I heard one hundred drummers whose hands were a-blazin'.
* I met a white man who walked a black dog.
* And I'll tell it and speak it and think it and breathe it.
* But I'll know my song well before I start singin'.
* '''It's a hard rain's a-gonna fall.'''
==== ''[[w:Don't Think Twice, It's All Right|Don't Think Twice, It's All Right]]'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan (1965).jpg|thumb|I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well''']]
* It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe<br />If you don't know by now
** Compare: "It ain't no use to sit and sigh now, darlin." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I once loved a woman, a child I am told<br>I gave her my heart but she wanted my soul.'''
* I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe<br />Where I'm bound, I can't tell<br />'''But goodbye's too good a word, babe <br /> So I'll just say fare thee well'''
** Compare: "So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road..." [[w:Paul Clayton (folksinger)|Paul Clayton]], ''Who's Gonna Buy You Ribbons (When I'm Gone)''.
* '''I ain't saying you treated me unkind <br> You could have done better but I don't mind''' <br> You just kinda wasted my precious time <br> But don't think twice, it's all right.
==== ''[[w:Talkin' World War III Blues|Talkin' World War III Blues]]'' ====
* I got into the driver's seat and drove down 42nd Street in my [[w:Cadillac|Cadillac]].<br>Good car to drive after a war.
* Half of the people can be part right all of the time,<br>Some of the people can be all right part of the time,<br>But all the people can't be all right all the time.<br>I think [[Abraham Lincoln]] said that.<br>'''I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours.<br>I said that.'''
=== ''[[w:The Times They Are A-Changin'|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' (1964) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan 1963 promo photo by Don Hunstein.jpg|thumb| Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br>don't criticize <br> What you can't understand<br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
]]
==== ''[[w:The Times They Are a-Changin' (song)|The Times They Are A-Changin']]'' ====
:<small>[http://www.bobdylan.com/songs/times-they-are-changin Full lyrics online]</small>
* '''Come gather ’round people <br> Wherever you roam <br> And admit that the waters <br> Around you have grown.''' <br> And accept it that soon <br> You’ll be drenched to the bone. <br> If your time to you is worth savin’ <br> '''Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone <br> For the times they are a-changin'.'''
* Come writers and critics <br> Who prophesize with your pen <br> And keep your eyes wide <br> The chance won't come again <br> And don't speak too soon <br> For the wheel's still in spin <br> And there's no tellin' who that it's naming.’ <br> '''For the loser now will be later to win'''
* Come mothers and fathers<br> Throughout the land <br> And '''don't criticize <br> What you can't understand''' <br> Your sons and your daughters <br> Are beyond your command <br> Your old road is rapidly agin'.
* Come Congressmen, Senators, please heed the call <br>Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall <br> For he who gets hurt will be he who has stalled<br> There’s a battle outside and it's ragin’.
==== ''[[w:Ballad of Hollis Brown|Ballad of Hollis Brown]]'' ====
* You prayed to the Lord above<br />Oh please send you a friend<br />Your empty pockets tell yuh<br />That you ain't a-got no friend
* There's seven people dead<br />On a South Dakota farm<br />Somewhere in the distance<br />There's seven new people born
* If there's anyone who knows, is there anyone who cares?
==== ''[[w:With God On Our Side|With God On Our Side]]'' ====
[[File:Giotto - Scrovegni - -31- - Kiss of Judas.jpg|thumb| But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side]]
* You never ask questions When God's on your side
* You don't count the dead When God's on your side
* But I can't think for you<br />You'll have to decide<br />Whether [[w:Judas Iscariot|Judas Iscariot]]<br />Had God on his side
* The words fill my head, and fall to the floor, that if God's on our side, he'll stop the next war.
==== ''[[w:Restless Farewell|Restless Farewell]]'' ====
* Oh all the money that in my whole life I did spend<br />Be it mine right or wrongfully<br />I let it slip gladly past the hands of my friends<br />To tie up the time most forcefully
** Compare: "Of all the money e'er I had, I spent it in good company. And all the harm e'er I've done, Alas! it was to none but me." ''[[s:The Parting Glass|The Parting Glass]]''.
* But if the arrow is straight<br />And the point is slick<br />It can pierce through dust no matter how thick
==== ''[[w:Boots of Spanish Leather|Boots of Spanish Leather]]'' ====
* Oh, but if I had the stars from the darkest night <br /> And the diamonds from the deepest ocean <br /> I'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss <br /> For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.
* Well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way, <br /> I'm sure your mind is roamin'. <br /> I'm sure your heart is not with me, <br /> But with the country to where you're goin'.
==== ''[[w:The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll|The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll]]'' ====
* William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll <br /> With a cane that he twirled around his Diamond ring finger <br /> At a Baltimore hotel society gath‘rin‘ <br /> And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him <br /> As they rode him in custody down to the station <br /> And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years <br/> Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres <br /> With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him <br /> And high office relations in the politics of Maryland <br /> Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders <br /> And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling <br /> In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen <br /> She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children <br/ > Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage <br /> And never sat once at the head of the table <br /> And didn‘t even talk to the people at the table <br /> Who just cleande up all the food from the table <br /> And emptied the ashtrays in a whole other level <br /> Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane <br /> That sailed through the air and came down through the room <br /> Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle <br /> And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger <br /> But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Take the rag away from your face <br /> Now ain‘t the time for your tears.
* In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gravel <br /> To show that all‘s equal and that the courts are on the level <br /> And the strings in the books ain‘t pulled and persuaded <br /> And that even the nobles get properly handled <br /> Once that the cops have chased after and caught ´em <br /> And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom <br /> Stared at the person who killed for no reason <br /> Who just happened to be feelin‘ that way without warnin‘ <br /> And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished <br /> And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance <br /> William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence <br /> Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears <br /> Bury the rag deep in your face <br /> For now‘s the time for your tears.
=== ''[[w:Another Side of Bob Dylan|Another Side of Bob Dylan]]'' (1964) ===
==== ''[[w:All I Really Want To Do|All I Really Want To Do]]'' ====
* '''All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.'''
* '''I ain't looking for you to feel like me, see like me, or be like me.'''
==== ''[[w:Chimes of Freedom (song)|Chimes of Freedom]]'' ====
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />And for each and every underdog soldier in the night,<br />And we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.]]
* Far between sundown's finish an' midnight's broken toll,<br />We ducked inside the doorway, thunder crashing.<br />As majestic bells of bolts struck shadows in the sounds,<br />Seeming to be the chimes of freedom flashing.<br />Flashing for the warriors whose strength is not to fight,<br />Flashing for the refugees on the unarmed road of flight,<br />An' for each an' ev'ry underdog soldier in the night,<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
* Through the mad mystic hammering of the wild ripping hail,<br />The sky cracked its poems in naked wonder,<br />That the clinging of the church bells blew far into the breeze<br />Leaving only bells of lightning and its thunder<br />Striking for the gentle, striking for the kind,<br />Striking for the guardians and protectors of the mind,<br />An' the poet and the painter far behind his rightful time<br />An' we gazed upon the chimes of freedom flashing.
==== ''I Shall Be Free No. 10'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Toronto1.jpg|thumb|Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you]]
* It ain't no use a-talking to me<br />It's just the same as talking to you
* I'm a poet, and I know it.
==== ''[[w:To Ramona|To Ramona]]'' ====
* Everything passes<br />Everything changes<br />Just do what you think you should do<br />And someday maybe<br />Who knows, baby<br />I'll come and be cryin' to you
==== ''[[w:My Back Pages|My Back Pages]]'' ====
* '''Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.'''
* Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth<br />"Rip down all hate," I screamed<br />Lies that life is black and white<br />Spoke from my skull.
* In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach </br> '''Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach''' </br> My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow.
==== ''[[w:Motorpsycho Nightmare|Motorpsycho Nightmare]]'' ====
* I had to say something to strike him very weird so I yelled out "I like [[Fidel Castro]] and his beard."
==== ''[[w:Ballad In Plain D|Ballad In Plain D]]'' ====
* All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight. <br /> I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight. <br /> My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night <br /> Leaving all of love's ashes behind me. <br />{{pbr}} The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet. <br /> The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet. <br /> I think of her often and hope whoever she's met <br /> Will be fully aware of how precious she is. <br />{{pbr}} Ah, my friends from the prison, they ask unto me, <br /> "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" <br /> And I answer them most mysteriously, <br /> "Are birds free from the chains of the skyway?"
==== ''[[w:It Ain't Me Babe|It Ain't Me Babe]]'' ====
* Go away from my window,<br>Leave at your own chosen speed,<br>I'm not the one you want, babe,<br>I'm not the one you need.<br>You say you're looking for someone,<br>Who's never weak but always strong,<br>To protect you and defend you,<br>Whether you are right or wrong,<br>Someone to open each and every door,<br>But it ain't me, babe,<br>No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,<br>It ain't me you're looking for, babe.
=== ''[[w:Bringing It All Back Home|Bringing It All Back Home]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Subterranean Homesick Blues|Subterranean Homesick Blues]]'' ====
:<small>Complete lyrics [http://bobdylan.com/songs/subterranean-homesick-blues/ here]</small>
* Johnny's in the basement<br>Mixing up the medicine<br>I'm on the pavement<br>Thinking about the government<br>The man in the trenchcoat<br>Badge out, laid off<br>Says he's got a bad cough<br>Wants to get it paid off<br>'''Look out kid<br>It's somethin' you did<br>God knows when<br>But you're doin' it again'''
* '''You don't need a weather man<br>To know which way the wind blows'''
* Get jailed, jump bail<br>Join the army, if you fail
* '''Don't follow leaders<br>Watch the parkin' meters'''
* Twenty years of schoolin'<br>And they put you on the day shift
* The pump don't work<br>'Cause the vandals took the handles
==== ''[[w:She Belongs to Me|She Belongs to Me]]'' ====
* She's got everything she needs, she's an artist, she don't look back.
* She could take the dark out the nighttime and paint the daytime black.
* You will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees, but you will wind up peeking through her keyhole down upon your knees.
==== ''[[w:Maggie's Farm|Maggie's Farm]]'' ====
* Well, I try my best<br />To be just like I am<br />But everybody wants you<br />To be just like them
* '''I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more.'''
==== ''[[w:Love Minus Zero/No Limit|Love Minus Zero/No Limit]]'' ====
* There's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all.
* '''She knows too much to argue or to judge.'''
* In the dime stores and bus stations, <br /> People talk of situations, <br /> Read books repeat quotations, <br /> Draw conclusions on the wall.
==== ''[[w:Outlaw Blues (song)|Outlaw Blues]]'' ====
* '''Don't ask me nothin' about nothin'. I just might tell you the truth.'''
==== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's 115th Dream|Bob Dylan's 115th Dream]]'' ====
* I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"<br />He said, "You're not Him"
==== ''[[w:Mr. Tambourine Man|Mr. Tambourine Man]]'' ====
* The ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
* And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme...
* It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
* Take me disappearing, through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time...
* Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free.
* With all [[memory]] and [[fate]] driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.
* Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.<br>'''Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me.<br>In the jingle-jangle morning, I'll come following you.'''
==== ''[[w:Gates of Eden (song)|Gates of Eden]]'' ====
* All and all can only fall with a crushing but meaningless blow.
* And there are no truths outside the Gates of Eden.
* Of war and peace the truth just twist, its curfew gull it glides.
==== ''[[w:It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)|It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)]]'' ====
* '''Darkness at the break of noon<br />Shadows even the silver spoon<br />The handmade blade, the child's balloon'''<br />Eclipses both the sun and moon<br />To understand you know too soon<br />There is no sense in trying
[[File:Bob Dylan and The Band - 1974.jpg|thumb|He not busy being born is busy dying.]]
* He not busy being born is busy dying'''
* Others say, don't hate nothing at all except hatred
* Disillusioned words like bullets bark <br />As human gods aim for their mark <br />Make everything from toy guns that spark <br />To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark <br />It's easy to see without looking too far<br />That not much is really sacred
* Even the President of the United States<br />Sometimes must have to stand naked
* '''It is not he or she or them or it<br />That you belong to.'''
*While one who sings with his tongue on fire<br />Gargles in the rat race choir
* '''Money doesn't talk, it swears'''
[[File:Baby blue (14787116756).jpg|thumb|Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you... it's all over now, Baby Blue.]]
==== ''[[w:It's All Over Now, Baby Blue|It's All Over Now, Baby Blue]]'' ====
* You must leave, now take what you need, You think will last<br>But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast<br>Yonder stands your orphan with his gun<br>Crying like a fire in the sun.
* The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense.
* Your lover who just walked out the door, has taken all his blankets from your floor.
* Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you.<br>Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you.<br>Strike another match, go! Start anew<br>And it's all over now, Baby Blue.
=== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' (1965) ===
==== ''[[w:Positively 4th Street|Positively 4th Street]]'' ====
* '''You got a lotta nerve to say you are my friend. When I was down, you just stood there grinning.'''
* Do you take me for such a fool to think I'd make contact with one that tries to hide what he don't know to begin with.
* I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you.
==== ''[[w:Like a Rolling Stone|Like a Rolling Stone]]'' ====
[[File:Solar Glory and Brocken spectre 1.jpg|thumb|right|When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.]]
* '''How does it feel? To be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone?'''
* Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you. </br> '''People call, say beware doll, you're bound to fall, you thought they were all, kiddin you.'''
* You used to laugh about<br>Everybody that was hangin' out<br>Now you don't talk so loud<br>Now you don't seem so proud<br>About having to be scrounging for your next meal
* '''You never turned around to see the frowns, on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did, tricks for you.'''
* Princess on the steeple and all the pretty people, they're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made
* Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse. </br> '''When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose. </br> You're invisible now. You've got no secrets to conceal.'''
==== ''[[w:Tombstone Blues|Tombstone Blues]]'' ====
* The sweet pretty things are in bed now, of course.
* The sun's not yellow, it's chicken.
* Stop all this weeping, swallow your pride, you will not die, it's not poison
*The geometry of innocent flesh on the bone<br />Causes Galileo's math book to get thrown<br />At Delilah's who sitting worthlessly alone<br />But the tears on her cheeks are from laughter
* And the National Bank at a profit sells road maps for the soul<br />To the old folks home and the college
==== ''[[w:It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry|It Takes A Lot To Laugh, It Takes A Train To Cry]]'' ====
* Well I ride on a mail train baby, can't buy a thrill.
* '''Don't the moon look good, mama, shinin' through the trees?<br>Don't the brakeman look good, mama, flaggin' down the double E?<br>Don't the sun look good goin' down over the sea?'''
==== ''[[w:Ballad of a Thin Man|Ballad of a Thin Man]]'' ====
* And you say, Oh my God, am I here all alone?
* You've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks. With great lawyers you've discussed lepers and crooks.
* You go watch the geek, who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak, and says, how does it feel to be such a freak?, and you say, impossible as he hands you a bone.
* '''And something is happening here, but you don't know what it is, do you Mr. Jones?'''
* Here's your throat back, thanks for the loan.
* You put your eyes in your pockets and your nose on the ground.
* They already expect you to just give a check to tax-deductible charity organization.
==== ''[[w:Highway 61 Revisited (song)|Highway 61 Revisited]]'' ====
[[File:Rembrandt - Sacrifice of Isaac - WGA19096.jpg|thumb| Oh God said to Abraham, Kill me a son.]]
* Oh [[God in Judaism|God]] said to [[Abraham]], [[Binding of Isaac |Kill me a son]].<br/>Abe says, Man, you must be puttin' me on.<br/>God say, No. Abe say, What?<br/>God say, You can do what you want Abe, but<br/>the next time you see me comin' you better run.<br/>Well Abe says, Where do you want this killin' done?<br/>God says, Out on [[w:U.S. Route 61#The Blues Highway|Highway 61]].
==== ''[[w:Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues|Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues]]'' ====
* The cops don't need you, and, man, they expect the same.
* I started out on [[w:Burgundy wine|burgundy]] but soon hit the harder stuff.
==== ''[[w:Desolation Row|Desolation Row]]'' ====
[[File:Watchmen-smiley.svg|thumb| Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do]]
* They're selling postcards of the hanging
* Yes, I received your letter yesterday<br/>(About the time the door knob broke)<br/>When you asked how I was doing<br/>Was that some kind of joke?<br/>All these people that you mention<br/>Yes, I know them, they're quite lame<br/>I had to rearrange their faces<br/>And give them all another name<br/>Right now I can't read too good<br/>Don't send me no more letters no<br/>Not unless you mail them<br/>From Desolation Row<br/>
* Now at midnight all the agents<br />And the superhuman crew<br />Come out and round up everyone<br />That knows more than they do
* The [[W:Titanic|Titanic]] sails at dawn
* And [[Ezra Pound]] and [[T. S. Eliot]]<br />Fighting in the captain's tower<br />While calypso singers laugh at them<br />And fishermen hold flowers...
=== ''[[w:Blonde on Blonde|Blonde on Blonde]]'' (1966) ===
* [[w:Ron Rosenbaum|Ron Rosenbaum]]: When you hear your songs in your mind, it's not just you strumming alone, you mean?
* Dylan: Well, no, it is to begin with. But then I always hear other instruments, how they should sound. The closest I ever got to the sound I hear in my mind was on individual bands in the ''Blonde on Blonde'' album. It's that thin, that wild mercury sound. It's metallic and bright gold, with whatever that conjures up. That's my particular sound. I haven't been able to succeed in getting it all the time. Mostly, I've been driving at a combination of guitar, harmonica and organ, but now I find myself going into territory that has more percussion in it and [''pause''] rhythms of the soul.
:* interview, ''Playboy'', March 1978
==== ''[[w:Rainy Day Women #12 & 35|Rainy Day Women #12 & 35]]'' ====
* '''But I would not feel so all alone, everybody must get stoned!'''
==== ''[[w:Pledging My Time|Pledging My Time]]'' ====
* Somebody got lucky, but it was an accident.
==== ''[[w:Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again|Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again]]'' ====
[[File:Paparazzo_Presents_Bob_Dylan.jpg|thumb|right|Your debutante knows what you need, but I know what you want.]]
* Oh Mama, can this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again?
* And here I sit so patiently waiting to find out what price you have to pay to get out of going through all these things twice.
* The one was Texas medicine, the other was just a railroad gin. And, like a fool, I mixed them; and it strangled up my mind.
* '''Your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want.'''
* You see, you're just like me. I hope you're satisfied.
==== ''[[w:Visions of Johanna|Visions of Johanna]]'' ====
* '''Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet?'''
* '''We sit here stranded, though we're all doin' our best to deny it.'''
* He's sure got a lotta gall to be so useless and all
* '''Inside the museums, infinity goes up on trial.'''<br />Voices echo this is what salvation must be like after a while<br />But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues<br />You can tell by the way she smiles
* The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face.
* '''Name me someone that's not a parasite and I'll go out and say a prayer for him.'''
* '''But these visions of Johanna, they make it all seem so cruel.'''
==== ''[[w:I Want You|I Want You]]'' ====
* She is good to me<br/>And there's nothing she doesn't see<br />She knows where I'd like to be<br />But it doesn't matter<br />
==== ''[[w:Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat|Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat]]'' ====
* Well, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Yes, I see you got your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat<br />Well, you must tell me, baby<br />How your head feels under somethin' like that<br />Under your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
** Compare: "I saw you riding 'round in your brand new automobile/ Yes I saw you ridin' around, babe, in your brand new automobile/ Yes you was sitting there happy with your handsome driver at the wheel/ In your brand new automobile." [[w:Lightnin' Hopkins|Lightnin' Hopkins]], ''Automobile Blues''.
* I asked the doctor if I could see you<br />It's bad for your health, he said<br />Well, I disobeyed his orders, I came to see you but I found him there instead<br />Well, I don't mind him cheating on me but I sure wish he'd take that off his head<br />Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat
==== ''[[w:Just Like A Woman|Just Like A Woman]]'' ====
* She takes just like a woman, yes she does<br />She makes love just like a woman, yes she does<br />And she aches just like a woman<br />But she breaks just like a little girl.
==== ''[[w:Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)|Most Likely You Go Your Way (And I'll Go Mine)]]'' ====
* You say you love me and you're thinking of me, but you know you might be wrong.
==== ''[[w:Absolutely Sweet Marie|Absolutely Sweet Marie]]'' ====
* '''But to live outside the law, you must be honest.'''
* And now here I stand, looking at your yellow railroad, in the ruins of your balcony
==== ''[[w:Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands|Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands]]'' ====
*Sad-eyed lady of the lowlands, <br> Where the sad-eyed prophet says that no man comes, <br> My warehouse eyes, my Arabian drums, <br> Should I leave them by your gate, <br> Or, sad-eyed lady, should I wait?
*With your sheets like metal and your belt like lace, <br> And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace, <br> And your basement clothes and your hollow face, <br> '''Who among them can think he could outguess you?'''
<!--
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits]]'' (1967) ===
-->
=== ''[[w:John Wesley Harding (album)|John Wesley Harding]]'' (1967) ===
==== ''[[w:All Along the Watchtower|All Along the Watchtower]]'' ====
* "There must be some way out of here," said the Joker to the Thief<br />
* All along the watchtower, princes kept the view<br />While all the women came and went, barefoot servants too<br />Outside in the distance, a wild cat did growl<br />Two riders were approaching. The wind began to howl.
==== ''[[w:I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine|I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine]]'' ====
* I put my fingers against the glass, and bowed my head and cried
==== ''[[w:The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest|The Ballad Of Frankie Lee And Judas Priest]]'' ====
* "Nothing is revealed"
=== ''[[w:Nashville Skyline|Nashville Skyline]]'' (1969) ===
==== ''[[w:Lay Lady Lay|Lay Lady Lay]]'' ====
* '''Lay, lady, lay. Lay across my big, brass bed.'''
* Whatever colors you have in your mind, I'll show them to you and you'll see them shine.
* '''His clothes are dirty, but his hands are clean, and you're the best thing that he's ever seen.'''
==== ''[[w:Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You|Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You]]'' ====
* Throw my ticket out the window,<br>Throw my suitcase out there too,<br>Throw my troubles out the door, I don't need them anymore,<br>'Cause tonight I'll be staying here with you.
=== ''[[w:Self Portrait|Self Portrait]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)|Quinn The Eskimo (The Mighty Quinn)]]'' ====
* '''Ev'rybody's in despair, <br> Ev'ry girl and boy <br> But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here, <br> Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.'''
* '''Come all without, come all within, <br> You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.'''
=== ''[[w:New Morning (Bob Dylan album)|New Morning]]'' (1970) ===
==== ''[[w:Time Passes Slowly|Time Passes Slowly]]'' ====
* Time passes slowly up here in the mountains
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Vol. II]]'' (1971) ===
==== ''[[w:When I Paint My Masterpiece|When I Paint My Masterpiece]]'' ====
* Some day everything is gonna be different, when I paint my masterpiece.
=== ''[[w:Planet Waves|Planet Waves]]'' (1974) ===
==== ''[[w:Forever Young (Bob Dylan song)|Forever Young]]'' ====
[[File:Bob dylan.jpg|thumb|right|May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.]]
* '''May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May your song always be sung, May you stay forever young.'''
* May your hands always be busy. May your feet always be swift. May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift. May your heart always be joyful. May your song always be sung. May you stay forever young.
=== ''[[w:Blood on the Tracks|Blood on the Tracks]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Tangled Up In Blue|Tangled Up In Blue]]'' ====
* Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',<br> I was layin' in bed <br> Wond'rin'if she'd changed at all <br> If her hair was still red.
* '''Tangled up in blue...'''
* Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through...
* I helped her out of a jam, I guess, but I used a little too much force...
* '''And every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin' coal. Pourin' off of every page, like it was written in my soul from me to you...'''
* '''The only thing I knew how to do was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew...'''
* All the people we used to know, they're an illusion to me now...
* Don't know how it all got started, I don't know what they do with their lives...
* '''We always did feel the same, we just saw it from a different point of view...'''
* '''But all the while I was alone <br> The past was close behind, <br> I seen a lot of women <br> But she never escaped my mind,<br> '''
* I lived with them on Montague Street <br> In a basement down the stairs <br> There was music in the cafes at night <br> And revolution in the air.
==== ''[[w:Idiot Wind|Idiot Wind]]'' ====
* '''You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe.'''
* I can't help it if I'm lucky.
* Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars.
* I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned slowly into autumn.
* Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, blowing through the letters that we wrote.<br>Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves,<br>'''We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.'''
* It was gravity which pulled us in and destiny which broke us apart
* You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart
* Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstacy, <br> I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory and all your ragin' glory
* You'll never know the hurt I suffer, nor the pain I rise above, and I'll never know the same about you...
* I kiss good-bye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me.
==== ''[[w:You're a Big Girl Now|You're a Big Girl Now]]'' ====
[[File:RegenbogenDSCN0352.JPG|thumb|right|Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...]]
* I'm going out of my mind, oh, oh; with a pain that stops and starts; like a corkscrew to my heart; Ever since we've been apart
* A change in the weather is known to be extreme; but what's the sense in changing horses in mid-stream?
* '''Time is a jetplane — it moves too fast. Oh but what a shame that all we've shared can't last...'''
* Love is so simple, to quote a phrase; you've known it all the time, I'm learnin' it these days.
* I know where I can find you — in somebody's room. It's the price I have to pay, you're a big girl all the way.
==== ''[[w:Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts|Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts]]'' ====
* Backstage the girls were playin' five-card stud by the stairs, <br> Lily had two queens, she was hopin' for a third to match her pair. <br> Outside the streets were fillin' up, the window was open wide, <br> A gentle breeze was blowin', you could feel it from inside. <br> Lily called another bet and drew up the Jack of Hearts.
==== ''[[w:Shelter from the Storm|Shelter from the Storm]]'' ====
* 'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood<br>When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud.<br>I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form,<br>'Come in,' she said, 'I'll give you shelter from the storm.'
* '''Beauty walks a razor's edge, someday I'll make it mine.'''
* Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm...
==== ''[[w:If You See Her, Say Hello|If You See Her, Say Hello]]'' ====
* I always have respected her for doin' what she did and gettin' free
* Say for me that I'm all right though things get kind of slow <br> She might think that I've forgotten her don't tell her it isn't so.
* Sundown yellow moon I replay the past <br> '''I know every scene by heart they all went by so fast'''
* ''' If she's passing back this way I'm not that hard to find <br> Tell her she can look me up if she's got the time.'''
=== ''[[w:The Basement Tapes|The Basement Tapes]]'' (1975) ===
==== ''[[w:Down in the Flood|Crash On The Levee (Down In The Flood)]]'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Well, it's sugar for sugar<br />And salt for salt<br />If you go down in the flood<br />It's gonna be your own fault
** Compare: "I give you sugar for sugar, but all you want is salt for salt/ Well if you can't get along with me, then it's your own fault." [[w:Rabbit Brown|Richard Brown]], ''James Alley Blues''.
==== ''Open the Door, Homer'' (recorded 1967) ====
* Take care of all your memories. said my friend Mick, For you cannot relive them.
==== ''[[w:This Wheel's on Fire (song)|This Wheel's on Fire]]'' (recorded in 1967) ====
* If your mem'ry serves you well, we were gonna meet again and wait, so I think I'll just unpack my bags and sit before it gets too late. <br> No man alive will come to you with another tale to tell, but '''you know that we shall meet again, if your mem'ry serves you well.'''
* If your memory serves you well, I was gonna confiscate your lace and wrap it up in a sailor's knot and hide it in your case. <br> And if I knew for sure that it was yours, it was oh so hard to tell, and you know that we shall meet again, if your memory serves you well.
* If your memory serves you well, I remember you're the one who called out me to call out them to get your business done. <br> And after every plan has failed, and there was nothing left to tell, well you knew that we shall meet again if your memory serves you well.
* '''Wheels on fire, rolling down the road, best notify my next of kin, this wheel shall explode!'''
=== ''[[w:Desire (Bob Dylan album)|Desire]]'' (1976) ===
==== ''[[w:Hurricane (song)|Hurricane]]'' ====
* '''Here comes the story of The Hurricane, the man the authorities came to blame for something that he never done.''' </br> Put in a prison cell, but one time he coulda been the champion of the world.
* Meanwhile, far away in another part of town,<br>Rubin Carter and a couple of friends are drivin’ around.<br>Number one contender for the middleweight crown,<br>Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down.<br>When a cop pulled him over to the side of the road,<br>Just like the time before and the time before that.<br>In Paterson that’s just the way things go:<br>If you’re black you might as well not show up on the street<br>’Less you wanna draw the heat.
* Couldn't help but make me feel ashamed to live in a land, where justice is a game.
==== ''[[w:Mozambique (song)|Mozambique]]'' ====
* There's lots of pretty girls in Mozambique.
==== ''Oh, Sister'' ====
* Don't turn away, you'll create sorrow,<br />Time is an ocean but it ends at the shore,<br />You may not see me tomorrow.
=== ''[[w:Street-Legal (album)|Street-Legal]]'' (1978) ===
====''Changing of the Guards''====
* Gentlemen, he said I don't need your organization, I've shined your shoes<br>I've moved your mountains and marked your cards<br>But Eden is burning either get ready for elimination<br>Or else your hearts must have the courage for the changing of the guards<br><br>Peace will come with tranquility and splendor on the wheels of fire<br>But will offer no reward when her false idols fall<br>And cruel death surrenders with its pale ghost retreating<br>Between the King and the Queen of Swords
==== ''Señor (Tales of Yankee Power)'' ====
* Señor, señor, can you tell me where we’re heading? Lincoln County Road or Armageddon?
==== ''Is Your Love In Vain?'' ====
* Do you love me, or are you just extending good will?
* I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings, and I've never been too impressed
=== ''[[w:Slow Train Coming|Slow Train Coming]]'' (1979) ===
==== ''[[w:Gotta Serve Somebody|Gotta Serve Somebody]]'' ====
[[File:Ary Scheffer - The Temptation of Christ (1854).jpg|thumb| It may be the [[Devil]] or it may be the [[God in Christianity|Lord]], but you're gonna have to serve somebody.]]
* It may be the Devil or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to serve somebody.
* You may call me Bobby; you may call me Zimmy...
==== ''[[w:Precious Angel|Precious Angel]]'' ====
* Now there's spiritual warfare, flesh and blood breaking down. You either got faith or you got unbelief, and there ain't no neutral ground.
* The enemy is subtle. How be it we're deceived? When the truth's in our hearts and we still don't believe.
* My so-called friends have fallen under a spell: they look me squarely in the eye and say, "Well; all is well."
* We are covered in blood, girl. You know both our forefathers were slaves. Let us hope they've found mercy in their bone-filled graves.
==== ''I Believe in You'' ====
* They'd like to drive me from this town; they don't want me around, 'cause I believe in you.
* I believe in you even on the morning after.
==== ''[[w:Slow Train (Bob Dylan song)|Slow Train]]'' ====
* Have they counted the cost it'll take to bring down all the earthly principles they're gonna have to abandon?
* All that foreign [[Oil|oil]] controlling American soil. Look around you, it's just bound to make you embarrassed: sheiks walking around like kings, wearing fancy jewels and nose rings, deciding [[United States|America's]] future from [[Amsterdam]] and to [[Paris]].
* In the home of the brave, Jefferson turning over in his grave.
* Man's ego's inflated, his [[Law|laws]] are outdated. They don't apply no more. You can't rely no more to be standing around waiting.
* Fools glorify themselves, trying to manipulate [[Satan]].
* The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency.
* People starving and thirsting; grain elevators are bursting. You know, it costs more to store the food than it do to give it.
* They talk about a life of brotherly love? Show me someone who knows how to live it.
* It sure do bother me to see my loved ones turning into puppets.
==== ''Gonna Change My Way of Thinking'' ====
* (Alternate version.) A brave man will kill you with a sword, a coward with a kiss.
==== ''Do Right to Me Baby'' ====
* Don't wanna judge nobody — don't wanna be judged.
==== ''When You Gonna Wake Up'' ====
* You got some big dreams, baby, but in order to dream you gotta still be asleep.
* Counterfeit philosophies have polluted all of your thoughts; [[Karl Marx]] has got you by the throat, and [[Henry Kissinger]]'s got you tied up into knots.
* You got innocent men in jail, your insane asylums are filled.
* Do you ever wonder just what God requires? You think he's just an errand boy to satisfy your wandering desires.
* They tell you "Time is money," as if your life was worth its weight in gold.
* When you gonna wake up and strengthen the things that remain?
==== ''When He Returns'' ====
* Truth is an arrow, and the gate is narrow that it passes through.
=== ''[[w:Shot of Love|Shot of Love]]'' (1981) ===
==== ''[[w:Every Grain Of Sand|Every Grain Of Sand]]'' ====
[[File:PSR B1509-58 full.jpg|thumb|{{center/s}}In the fury of the [[moment]]<br />I can see the [[God|Master]]'s hand<br />In every leaf that trembles,<br />in every grain of sand.{{center/e}}]]
* In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand<br />In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand
* '''I am hanging in the balance of the reality of [[man]]<br />Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand'''
** Variant: "I am hanging in the balance of a perfect, finished plan" (''The Bootleg Series, Vols. 1–3'')
=== ''[[w:Infidels|Infidels]]'' (1983) ===
==== ''Jokerman'' ====
* Freedom just around the corner for you, but with truth so far off, what good will it do?
* Fools rush in where angels fear to tread, both of their futures so full of dread.
* Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
* You go to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
* You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.
* The book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
* The rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame; preacherman seeks the same. Who'll get there first is uncertain.
* A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet. He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
==== ''Sweetheart Like You'' ====
* A woman like you should be at home. That's where you belong, taking care of somebody nice who don't know how to do you wrong.
* Just how much abuse will you be able to take? Well, there's no way to tell by the first kiss.
* They say in your father's house there's many mansions; each one of 'em got a fireproof floor.
* They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings.
* Steal a little and they throw you in jail; steal a lot and they make you king.
* There's only one step down from here, baby. It's called the Land of Permanent Bliss.
==== ''Man of Peace'' ====
* Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.
* Nobody sees through him — no, not even the chief of police.
* He could be standing next to you, the person that you notice least.
* He's following a star, the same one that the three men followed east.
==== ''I and I'' ====
* Some one else is speaking with my mouth, but I'm listening only to my heart.
* Took a stranger to teach me to look into justice's beautiful face, and to see an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
==== ''Union Sundown'' ====
* A lot of people complaining that there is no work. I say, "Why you say that for?" When nothin' you got is US-made — they don't make nothin' here no more.
* Capitalism is above the law; it's said it don't count 'less it sells.
* It's sundown on the union that was made in the USA. Sure was a good idea till greed got in the way.
* Democracy don't rule the world; you'd better get that in your head. This world is ruled by violence.
==== ''Don't Fall Apart on Me Tonight'' ====
* Yesterday's just a memory; tomorrow's never what it's supposed to be.
==== ''License to Kill'' ====
* Man thinks 'cause he rules the earth, he can do with it as he please. And if things don't change soon, he will.
* For man has invented his doom; first step was touching the moon.
* Man is opposed to fair play: he wants it all, and he wants it his way.
=== ''[[w:Empire Burlesque|Empire Burlesque]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)|Tight Connection to My Heart (Has Anybody Seen My Love)]]'' ====
* What looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.
==== ''Dark Eyes'' ====
* I live in another world, where life and death are memorized.
* I can hear another drum beating for the dead that rise, whom Nature's beast fears as they come.
* '''Time is short and the days are sweet and passion rules the arrow that flies.'''
* All I see are dark eyes.
==== ''Trust Yourself'' ====
* If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.
=== ''[[w:Biograph (album)|Biograph]]'' (1985) ===
==== ''[[w:Abandoned Love|Abandoned Love]]'' (recorded 1975) ====
* I've been deceived by the clown inside of me. I thought that he was righteous but he's vain.
* My patron saint is a-fighting with a ghost. He's always off somewhere when I need him most.
* Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.
==== ''Up to Me'' (recorded 1974) ====
* '''I was just too stubborn to ever be governed by enforced insanity.'''
* If I thought about it, I never would have done it, I guess I would have let it slide.
* The old Rounder in the iron mask slipped me the master key, somebody had to unlock your heart, he said it was up to me.
* It frightens me the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
* When you bite off more than you can chew, you pay the penalty, somebody's got to tell the tale, I guess it must be up to me.
* Somebody's got to cry some tears, I guess it must be up to me.
=== ''[[w:Knocked Out Loaded|Knocked Out Loaded]]'' (1986) ===
==== ''Maybe Someday'' ====
* Forgive me, baby, for what I didn't do.
==== ''[[w:Brownsville Girl|Brownsville Girl]]'' (with [[w:Samuel Shepard Rogers|Sam Shepard]]) ====
* ''[Recounting a scene in [[w:The Gunfighter|The Gunfighter]]]'' Turn him loose, let him go, let him say he outdrew me fair and square — I want him to feel what it's like to every moment face his death.
* I can't believe we've lived so long and are still so far apart.
* I know she ain't you, but she's here, and she's got that dark rhythm in her soul.
* She said, "Welcome to the land of the living dead," but you could tell she was so brokenhearted — she said, "Even the swap meets around here are getting pretty corrupt."
* We're going all the way, till the wheels fall off and burn, till the sun peels the paint and the seat covers fade and the water moccasins die.
* I didn't know whether to duck or to run, so I ran.
* When I saw you break down in front of the judge and cry real tears, it was the best damn thing I saw anybody do.
* I've always been the kind of person who doesn't like to trespass, but sometimes you just find yourself over the line.
* I feel pretty good, but that ain't saying much — I could feel a whole lot better, if you were just here by my side to show me how.
* The only thing we knew for sure about Henry Porter was that his name wasn't Henry Porter.
* '''Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content.'''
* You always said people don't do what they believe in; they just do what's most convenient, then they repent.
=== ''[[w:Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1|Traveling Wilburys Vol. 1]]'' (1988) ===
==== ''[[w:Tweeter and the Monkey Man|Tweeter and the Monkey Man]]'' ====
[[File:Flag of New Jersey.svg|thumb|In [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught]]
* Tweeter and the Monkey Man were hard up for cash<br>They stayed up all night selling [[cocaine]] and [[hashish|hash]]<br>To an undercover cop who had a sister named Jan<br>Who for reasons unexplained she loved the Monkey Man
* Jan had told him many times "it was you to me who taught:<br> '''in [[New Jersey|Jersey]] anything's legal as long as you don't get caught'''"
=== ''[[w:Oh Mercy|Oh Mercy]]'' (1989) ===
==== ''Political World'' ====
* We live in a political world<br/>Where peace is not welcome at all<br/>It's turned away from the door to wander some more<br/>Or put up against the wall.
==== ''Ring Them Bells'' ====
* Ring them bells Sweet Martha<br/>For the poor man's son<br/>Ring them bells so the world will know<br/>That God is one<br/>Oh, the shepherd is asleep<br/>Where the willows weep<br/>And the mountains are filled with lost sheep.
==== ''Man in the Long Black Coat'' ====
* There are no mistakes in life, some people say<br/>And it's true, sometimes you can see it that way<br/>People don't live or die, people just float<br/>She went with the man in the long black coat.
* There’s smoke on the water, it’s been there since June<br/>Tree trunks uprooted, 'neath the high crescent moon<br/>Feel the pulse and vibration and the rumbling force<br/>Somebody is out there beating on a dead horse
==== ''Shooting Star'' ====
* Seen a shooting star tonight, and I thought of you.
=== ''[[w:Under the Red Sky|Under the Red Sky]]'' (1990) ===
==== ''Hard Times In New York Town'' (recorded 1961) ====
* They'll kick you when you're up and knock you when you're down.
==== ''T.V. Talking Song'' ====
* Your mind is your temple, keep it beautiful and free. Don't let an egg get laid in it by something you can't see.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991|The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991]]'' (1991) ===
==== ''[[w:Let Me Die In My Footsteps|Let Me Die In My Footsteps]]'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Let me die in my footsteps before I go under the ground.
* I'd throw all the guns and the tanks in the sea, for they are mistakes of a past history.
==== ''Moonshiner'' (recorded 1963) ====
* The whole world's a bottle, And life's but a dram, When the bottle gets empty, It sure ain't worth a damn.
==== ''[[w:Angelina (Bob Dylan song)|Angelina]]'' (recorded 1981) ====
* '''When you cease to exist, then who will you blame?'''
==== ''Blind Willie McTell'' (recorded 1983) ====
* Well, God is in His heaven<br/> And we all want what's his<br/> But power and greed and corruptible seed<br/> Seem to be all that there is<br/> I'm gazing out the window<br/> Of the [[w:St. James Infirmary Blues|St. James Hotel]]<br/> And I know no one can sing the blues <br/> Like [[w:Blind Willie McTell|Blind Willie McTell]]
=== ''[[w:Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3|Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 3]]'' (1994) ===
==== ''[[w:Dignity (Bob Dylan song)|Dignity]]'' ====
*Drinkin' man listens to the voice he hears, <br> In a crowded room full of covered up mirrors, <br> Lookin' into the lost forgotten years <br> For dignity
=== ''[[w:Time Out of Mind|Time Out of Mind]]'' (1997) ===
[[File:Bob Dylan - Azkena Rock Festival 2010 2.jpg|thumb|Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain]]
==== ''[[w:Love Sick|Love Sick]]'' ====
* I'm sick of love, and I'm in the thick of it.
==== ''[[w:Standing In The Doorway|Standing In The Doorway]]'' ====
* Last night I danced with a stranger, but she just reminded me you were the one.
==== ''[[w:Not Dark Yet|Not Dark Yet]]'' ====
* '''Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain'''
* I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still <br> Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb <br> I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from.
* I been down on the bottom of a whirlpool of lies
* Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer. It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.
==== ''[[w:Make You Feel My Love|Make You Feel My Love]]'' ====
* I could hold you for a million years
==== ''[[w:Tryin’ to Get to Heaven|Tryin’ to Get to Heaven]]'' ====
* '''When you think that you’ve lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more.'''
==== ''[[w:Highlands (song)|Highlands]]'' ====
* She says, you don’t read women authors do you?... I said, You’re way wrong. She says, Which ones have you read then? I say, I read Erica Jong!
* Insanity is crashing up against my soul.
=== ''[[w:The Essential Bob Dylan|The Essential Bob Dylan]]'' (2000) ===
==== ''[[w:Things Have Changed|Things Have Changed]]'' (recorded 1999) ====
[[File:Bob dylan1.jpg|thumb| I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can]]
* Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet... Putting her in a wheel barrow and wheeling her down the street.
* People are crazy and times are strange<br> I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range, <br> '''I used to care, but things have changed.'''
* You can hurt someone and not even know it
* I been walkin forty miles of bad road. If the [[The Bible|Bible]] is right the world will explode. '''I've been trying to get as far away from myself as I can'''
=== ''[[w:Love and Theft (Bob Dylan album)|Love and Theft]]'' (2001) ===
==== ''[[w:Mississippi (Bob Dylan song)|Mississippi]]'' ====
* My clothes are wet, tight on my skin. Not as tight as the corner that I've painted myself in.
* '''You can always come back, but you can't come back all the way.'''
* I'm walking through the leaves falling from the trees,<br>Feelin' like a stranger nobody sees.
* So many things that we never will undo<br>I know you're sorry, I'm sorry too.
* I'm drownin' in the poison, got not future got no past.
* But my heart is not weary; it's light and it's free<br> I've got nothing but affection for those who've sailed with me.
* Everybody movin', if they ain't already there. Everyboy got to move somewhere.
* Things should start to get interesting right about now.
==== ''[[w:Summer Days|Summer Days]]'' ====
* Politician's got on his jogging shoes, he must be running for office, got no time to lose
==== ''[[w:Bye and Bye|Bye and Bye]]'' ====
* I'm sittin' on my watch so I can be on time.
* '''The future for me is already a thing of the past.'''
* I'm gonna baptize you in fire so you can sin no more.
==== ''Lonesome Day Blues'' ====
* Funny how the things you have the hardest time parting with are the things you need the least.
* I'm gonna spare the defeated—I'm gonna speak to the crowd<br />I'm gonna spare the defeated, boys, I'm going to speak to the crowd<br />I am goin' to teach peace to the conquered<br />I'm gonna tame the proud
** Compare: "But yours will be the rulership of nations, / remember Roman, these will be your arts: / to teach the ways of peace to those you conquer, / to spare defeated peoples, tame the proud." ''The [[Aeneid]] of [[Virgil]]: A Verse Translation'' by [[Allen Mandelbaum]], 6.1134–1137.
==== ''Floater (Too Much to Ask)'' ====
* Down over the window<br />Comes the dazzling sunlit rays<br />Through the back alleys, through the blinds<br />Another one of them endless days
* My old man he's like some feudal lord, got more lives than a cat.
==== ''High Water (for Charley Patton)'' ====
* Jump into the wagon, love, throw your panties overboard.
* I can write you poems, make a strong man lose his mind.
* As great as you are, man, you’ll never be greater than yourself.
* '''Don’t reach out for me, she said. Can’t you see I’m drowning too?'''
==== ''[[w:Cry A While|Cry A While]]'' ====
* Last night across the alley there was a pounding on the wall<br />It must have been Don Pascuale making a two a.m. booty call
=== ''[[w:Modern Times (Bob Dylan album)|Modern Times]]'' (2006) ===
==== ''Thunder on the Mountain'' ====
* Gonna forget about myself for a while, gonna go out and see what others need.
* Feel like my soul is beginning to expand. Look into my heart and you will sort of understand.
==== ''[[w:Nettie Moore|Nettie Moore]]'' ====
* The world of research has gone berserk. Too much paperwork.
==== ''Workingman's Blues #2'' ====
* Some people never work a day in their lives, don't know what work even means.
==== ''[[w:Ain't Talkin'|Ain't Talkin']]'' ====
* '''If I catch my opponents ever sleepin', I'll just slaughter 'em where they lie.'''
=== ''[[w:Together Through Life (Bob Dylan album)|Together Through Life]]'' (2009) ===
==== ''I Feel A Change Coming On'' ====
[[File:Bob Dylan in Norwich Connecticut June 2005-1.jpg|thumb|right|I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice.]]
* I'm listening to [[w:Billy Joe Shaver|Billy Joe Shaver]]<br> And I'm reading [[James Joyce]]<br>Some people they tell me<br> I've got the blood of the land in my voice
==== ''Forgetful Heart'' ====
* The door has closed for evermore,<br>If indeed there ever was a door.
=== ''[[w:The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964|The Bootleg Series Vol. 9: The Witmark Demos: 1962–1964]]'' (2010) ===
==== ''Long Time Gone'' (recorded 1962) ====
* Just give to me my gravestone<br />With it clearly carved upon:<br />"I'm a long time a-comin'<br />An' I'll be a long time gone"
==== ''Gypsy Lou'' (recorded 1963) ====
* She left one too many a boy behind<br />He committed suicide
=== ''[[w:Tempest (Bob Dylan album)|Tempest]]'' (2012) ===
==== ''Soon After Midnight'' ====
* It's soon after midnight, and I got a date with a fairy queen
==== ''Pay in Blood'' ====
* Another politician pumpin' out the piss.
==== ''Tin Angel'' ====
* He bent in the middle like a twisted pin
=== ''[[w:Rough and Rowdy Ways|Rough and Rowdy Ways]]'' (2020) ===
==== ''My Own Version of You'' ====
* Long before the First Crusade, way back before England or America was made.
* Mr. Freud with his dreams, Mr. Marx with his ax.
==== ''Mother of Muses'' ====
* Who cleared the path for Presley to sing<br />Who carved out the path for Martin Luther King
==== ''Crossing the Rubicon'' ====
* I lit the torch, I looked to the east, and I crossed the Rubicon.
==== ''Key West (Philosopher Pirate)'' ====
* I’m so deep in love that I can hardly see.
* Well, it might not be the thing to do, but I’m sticking with you through and through.
== Quotes about Dylan ==
[[File:Bundesarchiv Bild 183-1988-0719-38, Bruce Springsteen, Konzert in der DDR.jpg|thumb|Bob [[freed]] your [[mind]] the way [[Elvis]] freed your [[body]]. ~ [[Bruce Springsteen]]]]
*Bob Dylan's enormous influence on mid-'60s rock not only led directly to the birth of folk rock but also inspired the psychedelic rockers who followed.
**{{w|Jim DeRogatis}} <ref>DeRogatis, Jim. ''Turn On Your Mind: Four Decades of Great Psychedelic Rock''. pg. 87. Hal Leonard.</ref>
*He might rarely pick up a six-string these days, but back in the day, Dylan started a folk revolution with nothing but a beat-up old acoustic and a suitcase full of songs. Dylan made it look so easy that a legion of earnest young strummers picked up the guitar. They discovered the truth when they started trying to play like him, though. Elaborate fingerpicking, open tunings, ear-catching runs and an impeccable sense of rhythm were the foundation that the Dylan legend was built on. He sourced his skills from legends of folk and blues, and combined them into something bitingly original. Hands down the best singer-songwriter ever to do it.
**Rob Power of ''{{w|MusicRadar}}'' (June 16, 2017) [https://www.musicradar.com/news/the-top-20-acoustic-guitar-heroes-of-all-time]
*It took Bob Dylan to break the ice between the [country and rock music] camps. [...] While it would be a stretch to call Blonde on Blonde a country-rock record, the fact that Dylan, arguably the most important person in rock at the time, cut an album in the home of country music soon brought an influx of other musicians to Nashville. As Charlie McCoy, the multi-instrumentalist who starred on Blonde told Nashville Scene in 2011, “That's when the floodgates opened."
**Dave Lifton of ''{{w|Ultimate Classic Rock}}'' (December 16, 2016) [https://ultimateclassicrock.com/country-rock-history-part-1/?utm_source=tsmclip&utm_medium=referral]
* The Nobel Prize for Literature is yet another step towards [[immortality]] for Bob Dylan. The rebellious, reclusive, unpredictable artist/composer is exactly where the Nobel Prize for Literature needs to be. His gift with words is unsurpassable. Out of my repertoire spanning 60 years, no songs have been more moving and worthy in their depth, darkness, fury, mystery, beauty and humour than Bob's. None has been more of a pleasure to sing. None will come again.
** [[Joan Baez]], as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-37655068 "Bob Dylan: Nobel Prize is a step towards immortality, says Joan Baez"], BBC.com (14 October 2016)
* A voice like sand and glue.
** [[David Bowie]], "[[w:Song for Bob Dylan|Song for Bob Dylan]]" (1971)
* To me, [giving the Nobel Prize to Bob Dylan] is like pinning a medal on Mount Everest for being the highest mountain.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/14/leonard-cohen-giving-nobel-to-bob-dylan-like-pinning-medal-on-everest Guardian]'' (14 October 2016)
*I relied on Bob Dylan as a seer who literally channeled the mood of the revolution. His John Wesley Harding album, named for a famous outlaw, had thrilled me the year before, especially "All Along the Watchtower," which seemed to me a coda for revolution. Some of the women in our group and many in the new women's movement had turned against Dylan and other artists for their misogyny, and I couldn't deny its presence in many lyrics.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''Outlaw Woman'' (2001)
*In the mid-'60s one of my cousins gave me a record by Bob Dylan and it was a mind-blowing experience. I loved the beat of it, the folk concerns, the pulse of the people in Dylan's music.
**[[Ramabai Espinet]] ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000)
* Dylan is to me the perfect symbol of the anti-artist in our society. He is against everything—the last resort of someone who doesn't really want to change the world. ... I think his poetry is punk. It's derivative and terribly old hat. ... Dylan songs accept the world as it is.
** [[w:Ewan MacColl|Ewan MacColl]], interview with Karl Dallas, "Focus on MacColl", ''Melody Maker'' (18 September 1965), p. 23. Quoted in ''No Direction Home: The Life and Music of Bob Dylan'' (1986) by Robert Shelton, p. 296.
* '''Bob Dylan took a lot of air out of the room when it came to songwriters. Everybody had a tough row to hoe distinguishing themselves once Bob invented our job.'''
**[[w:Steve Earle|Steve Earle]], quoted at [http://www.austin360.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/05/0518earle.html "Homage to Townes" at ''Austin360.com'' (18 May 2009)]
* I saw [[Bob Dylan]] a couple of weeks ago (this being, what, December 1994?) and he was saying… “Who owns all the money? Who owns the media?”. As he travels around the world, he notices that all the media change their story every week, and someone is directing that. And “Who owns all the money?”, he was saying. And it was like he knew that he had a great deal of power, to influence people’s psyches, or minds, or thinking, or psychology, or opinion-ation, and yet his power was miniscule, compared to the power of the moguls of the media. And in America it’s only 22 people who run… who own… 80 percent of the mass-media, so that the… it would be very difficult for a poem… for a poet… to overcome that barrage of bullshit.<br/>On the other hand, '''[[poetry]] is the only place where you get an individual person telling his subjective truth, what he really thinks, as distinct from what he wants people to think he thinks''' (like a politician or someone preparing an editorial in a dignified newspaper). So if you need the historical truth of what people think inside, you have to follow [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelley]] (and his admonition is that poets are the “unacknowledged legislators of the race”) — or what [[William Carlos Williams]] said more acutely was, “The government is of words”.<br/>After all, the people making [[political]] speeches, they’re writing [[prose]], if not [[poetry]], and they are trying to get a little flowery language in there, but the language is shifty, and the language is [[manipulation|manipulative]], and people who are [[advertising]], or even doing ordinary mass-media, are still inhibited and can’t say what they really think, but the poet can say what he really thinks, authentically, and that’s the advantage, and it’s longer-lasting than the immediate radio-broadcast or television-broadcast, because '''a poem is like a radio that can broadcast continually, for thousands of years.''' And so, in the long run, it may have an ameliorating effect on the spirit.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], [https://allenginsberg.org/2011/11/bbc-face-to-face-interview-1994-asv21/ Face to Face], ''[[w:British Broadcasting Corporation|BBC]]'', 1994.
*'''What I wanted to do with Bobby''' was just to get him to sound in the studio as natural, just as he was in person, and have that extraordinary personality come thru. ... After all, he's not a great harmonica player, and he's not a great guitar player, and he's not a great singer. He just happens to be an original. And I just wanted to have that originality come thru.
**[[w:John Hammond (producer)| John Hammond]] (Dylan's first producer), [[Pop Chronicles]], [[http://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc19789/m1/ Show 31 - Ballad in Plain D: An introduction to the Bob Dylan era. Part 1], interview [http://archive.is/LGBW recorded 10.4.1968].
[[File:Todd Haynes MFF 2023.jpg|thumb| The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned... Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity. — [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]]]]
* '''The minute you try to grab hold of Dylan, he's no longer where he was. He's like a flame: If you try to hold him in your hand you'll surely get burned.''' Dylan's life of change and constant disappearances and constant transformations makes you yearn to hold him, and to nail him down. And that's why his fan base is so obsessive, so desirous of finding the truth and the absolutes and the answers to him — things that Dylan will never provide and will only frustrate. ... '''Dylan is difficult and mysterious and evasive and frustrating, and it only makes you identify with him all the more as he skirts identity.'''
** [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]], about his choice of 6 people to portray Dylan in his film ''[[I'm Not There]]'', in [http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/2007/10/how_does_it_feel_footnote_feti.html "Footnote fetishism & "I'm Not There" by Jim Emerson" at ''The Sun-Times'' (9 October 2007)]
* Slight, wiry, his blond, curly hair worn long, Bob Dylan never wears a tie and never lets anyone else make decisions for him. His unshakable [[independence]] courses through his songs—some of them wryly irreverent, others harshly critical of what he regards as [[hypocrisy]] and [[cruelty]]. His voice is acrid but curiously compelling, and he has become the most influential folksinger among today's teenagers—as well as among older dissenters. [...] Now 24, he is less the angry preacher of causes than he was two years ago. His songs have become more warmly personal and more deftly witty. He is cactus on the outside and [[romance|romantic]] [[revolution|revolutionary]] within. He has no ideology except that of inner [[freedom]]. He is his own man.
** [[Nat Hentoff]], [http://www.mediafire.com/view/za1l4i1dftotwg9/.png "Cosmo Listens to Records"], [[w:Cosmopolitan (magazine)|''Cosmopolitan'']] (November 1965)
* He had a lovely voice, but he was also, I think, a great poet. And he was the background music to a lot of people of my age. I don't take a lot of stock in generational thought, as you know. I think generational solidarity is the lowest form of solidarity there is. But I think that for every decade or so, every generational set, there is a special voice. And certainly for my lot, it was him.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], interview on [http://www.hughhewitt.com/christopher-hitchens-on-his-memoir-hitch-22/ The Hugh Hewitt Show] (13 July 2010)
* My hero was and still is Bob Dylan.
** [[Kazuo Ishiguro]], in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2005/feb/19/fiction.kazuoishiguro Profile: Kazuo Ishiguro], ''The Guardian'' (19 February 2005)
* I defy you to say what he'll be doing six months from now. He's just driven by pure art. You know, his son said to me..."There is no doubt that if my dad had never made it, if he was sitting on the side of the sidewalk with his guitar and a hat out in front of him, he would be doing precisely doing the same songs. His whole career would be exactly the same." Now, there is certainly hyperbole in that, but it's kind of, sort of true... If we have anybody who's [[Shakespeare]] in our time, it's Dylan, and he just speaks to me more and more, and he once said in an interview that the purpose of art was to inspire, and when you see a Dylan show...You would think he's so good, you know—if you go see a jazz cat who's so good playing bass, you can leave that show going, "Why even pick up a bass again?" But for some reason—and I'm not the only one that feels this—at the end of the Dylan show, art just seems so good. I want to go write a play, or write a novel. I'll stay up all night and write a song. And you don't care that it's not as good. The other thing that I love about Dylan is he is a freak, not a cheerleader... Dylan just stands there and says, "I am speaking for me. Maybe some of this is true for you to. I don't know. But I'm digging so deep." All of his mining, you know, is going towards his heart and deeper into his brain. He makes no attempt, that I can tell, to say, "Oh yeah, this is gonna kill 'em. This is what they'll like." And that's where universality has to live. You can't be universal if you're trying to please other people. You can only be universal if you have so clearly who you are, and Dylan has no idea who he is, but he's still searching and he's sharing that process with us.
** [[Penn Jillette]], [https://reason.com/archives/2016/08/02/penn-jillette-on-libertarianism-election/9 ReasonTV interview] (2 August 2016)
* The conversation was flat. Suddenly, however, Dylan leapt to his feet and started berating me. He said, for example, something like, 'You'll never understand it; it happens so fast it'll go right past you,' and more of the same. I was startled, yes, but kept on trying to ask sensible, interesting questions; the attack persisted. I shrugged and left. The whole episode was entirely unprovoked... That evening, I went to the concert. My opinion then and now was that the music was unpleasant, the lyrics inflated, and Dylan a self-indulgent whining show-off.
** [[w:Horace Freeland Judson|Horace Freeland Judson]], as quoted in ''Down The Highway: The Life Of Bob Dylan'' (2011) by Howard Sounes, p. 179
* Musically, Dylan's not very gifted; he's borrowed his voice from old hillbillies. He's got a lot of borrowed things. He's not a great guitar player. He’s invented a character to deliver his songs ... it's a mask of sorts.
** [[Joni Mitchell]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZY8aDg_dTI Interview with CBC] (2013), as quoted in [https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/joni-mitchell-bob-dylan-fake-plagiarist-comments-feud/ "Why Joni Mitchell once labelled Bob Dylan 'a plagiarist'"] by Joe Taysom, ''[[w:Far Out Magazine|Far Out Magazine]]'' (4 June 2021)
* He's one of the great artists of the century.
** [[Andrew Motion]], as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/uk/1999/oct/03/vanessathorpe.theobserver1 "Laureate gives laurels to Dylan"], ''The Guardian'' (3 October 1999)
*I can still picture Bob Dylan, with just a bassist, a piano player, and his guitar, tenderly reworking "The Times They Are a-Changin'." When finished, he stepped off the stage, shook my hand, gave a little grin and bow in front of me and Michelle, and vanished without a word.
**[[Barack Obama]] ''A Promised Land'' (2020)
* "The stage is the only place where I'm happy." But this has its own sadnesses, like so much love. '''He is the one person who has to be at a Dylan concert and the one person who can't go to a Dylan concert.'''
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], ''Dylan's Visions of Sin'' (2003), concluding words, p. 490
* '''A day doesn't go by when I don't listen to Dylan or at least think about him and his art.''' I just think we're terrifically lucky to be alive at a time when he is.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/09/books/dylan-master-poet-don-t-think-twice-it-s-all-right.html "Dylan, Master Poet? Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"] by Charles McGrath, ''The New York Times'' (9 June 2004)
* Five years ago [Dylan] played a concert here at the university and I had no hand in arranging it; I was told about it rather late and could have killed the organizers. Shortly before the concert I received word to come backstage, so my wife and I went half an hour before the show. And Dylan said: "Mr Ricks, we meet at last." My reply was: "Have you read any good books lately?" [...] and he said: "[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]". [...] Dylan wasn't at all surprised by my question and he really did want to talk about Richard III.
** [[w:Christopher Ricks|Christopher Ricks]], interview with Ieva Lesinska: [http://www.eurozine.com/a-lesson-in-dylan-appreciation/ "A lesson in Dylan appreciation"], ''Eurozine'' (11 April 2008)
* Dylan creates a [[mythic]] atmosphere out of the land around us. The land we walk on every day and never see until someone shows it to us.
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 63
* Dylan has invented himself. He's made himself up from scratch. That is, from the things he had around him and inside him. Dylan is an invention of his own mind. '''The point isn't to figure him out but to take him in.''' He gets into you anyway, so why not just take him in? He's not the first one to have invented himself, but he's the first one to have invented Dylan...
** [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard]], ''The Rolling Thunder Logbook'' (1977), p. 100
* Dylan was a revolutionary. '''Bob freed your mind the way Elvis freed your body.''' ... '''To this day, wherever great rock music is being made, there is the shadow of Bob Dylan.'''
** [[Bruce Springsteen]], speech for Dylan's inauguration into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (20 January 1988), quoted in ''Dylan: behind the shades'' (1991) by Clinton Heylin, p. 422
*since I've been working in the theatre and listening over to some of his music and to his lyrics, I am getting quite a respect for him as a [[poet]]. I'm not happy about a lot of diffused, little cheating lines, second rate realism, that he sometimes offered. But in the same context, where the music is in a thriving rock culture, he's in that soft rock or whatever culture. Then he is a poet working within the same conditions that a Third World poet is working in because he is close to music and he's closer to the beat of the thing.
**[[Derek Walcott]], 1975 interview collected in ''Conversations with Derek Walcott'' edited by William Baer (1996)
*Dylan's heart rests in his vocation. He is a white bluesman par excellence. His voice is born out of that vocation, informed by a vision rooted in reaching and teaching as many people as possible.
**[[Cornel West]] ''Brother West: Living and Loving Out Loud, A Memoir'' (2009)
* '''Dylan is free now to work on his own terms. It would be foolish to predict what he will do next.''' But hopefully he will remain a mediator, using the language of pop to transcend it. If the gap between past and present continues to widen, such mediation may be crucial. '''In a communications crisis, the true prophets are the translators.'''
** [[Ellen Willis]], in "Dylan" in ''Representative Men : Cult Heroes of Our Time'' (1970) edited by Theodore L. Gross
* I'll never be Bob Dylan. He's the master. If I'd like to be anyone, it's him. And he's a great writer, true to his music and done what he feels is the right thing to do for years and years and years. He's great. He's the one I look to. I'm always interested in what he's doing now, or did last, or did a long time ago that I didn't find out about. The guy has written some of the greatest poetry and put it to music in a way that it touched me, and other people have done that, but not so consistently or as intensely. Like me, he waits around and keeps going, and he knows that he doesn't have the muse all the time, but he knows that it'll come back and it'll visit him and he'll have his moment.
** [[Neil Young]], [http://content.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1110988,00.html "The Resurrection of Neil Young"], ''Time'' magazine interview (28 September 2005)
*There was a new popular music of protest. [[Pete Seeger]] had been singing protest songs since the forties, but now he came into his own, his audiences much larger. [[Bob Dylan]] and [[Joan Baez]], singing not only protest songs, but songs reflecting the new abandon, the new culture, became popular idols. A middle-aged woman on the West Coast, [[Malvina Reynolds]], wrote and sang songs that fit her socialist thinking and her libertarian spirit, as well as her critique of the modern commercial culture.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
*You don't know someone's changing the world until the world's been changed.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/14/arts/music/daniel-kramer-dead.html Daniel Kramer, Who Photographed Bob Dylan’s Rise, Dies at 91] ''New York Times'', 14 May 2024
==See also==
* ''[[I'm Not There]]'', 2007 experimental biopic directed by [[w:Todd Haynes|Todd Haynes]].
* ''[[A Complete Unknown]]'', 2024 biopic directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]].
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.expectingrain.com/jokes.html Bob Dylan Jokes]on [http://www.expectingrain.com Expecting Rain]
* [http://bobdylan.com/songs/ Bob Dylan Lyrics]
* [http://web.archive.org/20041023091533/www.geocities.com/temptations_page/encomium.html Quotes about Bob Dylan]
* [http://www.slopbucket.com/bob/tbob/writtenword.html Searchable database of Bob's written word]
* [http://www.geocities.ws/linwood//cinema/Dylan-Film/ Film dialogue in the lyrics of Bob Dylan.]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dylan, Bob}}
[[Category:Guitarists from the United States]]
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[[Image:Milton paradise.jpg|thumb|Golden days, fruitful of golden deeds, <br /> With joy and love triumphing.]]
'''''[[w:Paradise Lost|Paradise Lost]]''''' ([[w:1667|1667]], [[w:1674|1674]]) is an epic poem by the 17th century English poet [[John Milton]]. The poem concerns the Christian story of the fall of Satan and his brethren and the rise of Man: the temptation of Adam and Eve by Satan and their expulsion from the Garden of Eden.
<small>Note that chapter and line references correspond with the 1674 version of the text, available online [[s:Paradise Lost (1674)| here]].</small>
== Book I ==
[[File:Michelangelo Sündenfall.jpg|thumb|Of Man's first disobedience, and the fruit <br /> Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste <br /> Brought death into the world, and all our woe, <br /> With loss of Eden, till one greater Man <br /> Restore us, and regain the blissful seat.]]
* '''Of Man's first disobedience, and the fruit <br /> Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste <br /> Brought death into the world, and all our woe, <br /> With loss of Eden, till one greater Man <br /> Restore us, and regain the blissful Seat,'''
** Lines 1-5
* Sing Heav'nly Muse, that on the secret top <br /> Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire <br /> That Shepherd, who first taught the chosen Seed, <br /> In the Beginning how the Heav'ns and Earth <br /> Rose out of Chaos: Or if Sion Hill <br /> Delight thee more, and Siloa's Brook that flow'd <br /> Fast by the Oracle of God; I thence <br /> Invoke thy aid to my adventrous Song, <br /> That with no middle flight intends to soar <br /> Above th' Aonian Mount, while it pursues <br /> Things unattempted yet in Prose or Rhime.
** Lines 6-16
* What in me is dark <br /> Illumine, what is low raise and support; <br /> That to the height of this great argument <br /> I may assert eternal Providence, <br /> And justify the ways of God to men.
** Lines 22-26. Compare: "But vindicate the ways of God to man", [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[Essay on Man]]'', epistle i. line 16
* The infernal serpent; he it was, whose guile, <br /> Stirred up with envy and revenge, deceived <br /> The mother of mankind.
** Lines 34-36
* Him the Almighty Power <br /> Hurled headlong flaming from th' ethereal sky <br /> With hideous ruin and combustion down <br /> To bottomless perdition, there to dwell <br /> In adamantine chains and penal fire, <br /> Who durst defy th' Omnipotent to arms.
** Lines 44-49
*As far as angels' ken.
** Line 59
*Yet from those flames <br /> '''No light, but rather darkness visible.'''
** Lines 62-63
* Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace <br /> And rest can never dwell, hope never comes <br /> That comes at all.
** Lines 65-67
* What though the field be lost? <br /> All is not lost; th’ unconquerable will, <br /> And study of revenge, immortal hate, <br /> And courage never to submit or yield. <br />
** Lines 105-108
* To be weak is miserable, <br /> Doing or suffering.
** Lines 157-158
*And out of good still to find means of evil.
**Line 165
*Thus Satan talking to his nearest mate<br />With head uplift above the wave, and eyes<br />That sparkling blazed; his other parts besides<br />Prone on the flood, extended long and large<br />'''Lay floating many a rood, in bulk as huge<br />As whom the fables name of monstrous size,<br />Titanian, or Earth-born, that warred on Jove,<br />Briareos or Typhon, whom the den<br />By ancient Tarsus held, or that sea-beast<br />Leviathan, which God created of all his works<br />Created hugest that swim th' Ocean stream.'''
**Lines 192-202
*Farewell happy fields, <br /> Where joy forever dwells: hail, horrors!
**Line 249
* A mind not to be changed by place or time. <br /> '''The mind is its own place, and in itself <br /> Can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heav'n.'''
** Lines 253-55. See also Book IV, line 75
[[File:Satan summoning his Legions, 1796-1797 by Sir Thomas Lawrence.jpg|thumb|Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.]]
* […] Here at least <br /> we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built <br /> Here for his envy, will not drive us hence: <br /> Here we may reign secure, and in my choice <br /> to reign is worth ambition though in Hell: <br /> '''Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.'''
** Lines 258-63
** Compare:
*** With the proud disdain of a tyrant he chose to rejoice over his subjects rather than to be a subject himself.
**** [[Augustine]]'', [[w:The City of God|The City of God]]'' (early 400s); Penguin Classics translation by [[w:Henry S. Bettenson|Henry S. Bettenson]]; of Satan
*** Now, forasmuch as I was once an Angel of light, it was the will of Wisdom to confine me to darkness, and to create me Prince thereof; that so I, who could not obey in Heaven, must command in Hell. And, believe me, Sir, I had rather control within my dark diocese, than to reinhabit ''caelum empyreum'', and there live in subjection, under check, a slave of the Most High.
**** [[w:Anthony Stafford|Anthony Stafford]], ''Niobe'' (1611); spoken by Satan
*** To be in Heaven the second he disdains;<br />So now the first in Hell and flames he reigns.
**** [[Phineas Fletcher]], ''Locusts'' (1627), p. 37
*** In Heaven they scorned to serve, so now in Hell they reign.
**** [[Phineas Fletcher]], ''The Purple Island'' (1633), Canto VII, stanza 10
*Heard so oft <br /> In worst extremes, and on the perilous edge <br /> Of battle.
**Line 275
*His spear, to equal which the tallest pine <br /> Hewn on Norwegian hills to be the mast <br /> Of some great ammiral were but a wand, <br /> He walk'd with to support uneasy steps <br /> Over the burning marle.
**Line 292
*Thick as autumnal leaves that strow the brooks <br /> In Vallombrosa, where th' Etrurian shades <br /> High over-arch'd imbower.
**Line 302
* Awake, arise, or be for ever fall'n.
** Line 330
*Spirits when they please <br /> Can either sex assume, or both.
**Line 423
*Execute their airy purposes.
**Line 430
* And, when night <br /> Darkens the streets, then wander forth the sons <br /> Of Belial, flown with insolence and wine.
** Lines 500-502
*Th' imperial ensign, which full high advanc'd <br /> Shone like a meteor, streaming to the wind.
**Line 536. Compare: "Stream'd like a meteor to the troubled air", [[Thomas Gray]], ''The Bard'', i. 2, line 6.
* Sonorous metal blowing martial sounds: <br /> At which the universal host up sent <br /> A shout that tore hell's concave, and beyond <br /> Frighted the reign of Chaos and old Night.
** Lines 540-543
*Anon they move <br /> In perfect phalanx, to the Dorian mood <br /> Of flutes and soft recorders.
**Line 549
*His form had yet not lost <br /> All her original brightness, nor appear'd <br /> Less than archangel ruin'd, and th' excess <br /> Of glory obscur'd.
**Line 591
*In dim eclipse, disastrous twilight sheds <br /> On half the nations, and with fear of change <br /> Perplexes monarchs.
**Line 597
*Thrice he assay'd, and thrice in spite of scorn <br /> Tears, such as angels weep, burst forth.
**Line 619
* For who can yet believe, though after loss, <br /> That all these puissant legions, whose exile <br /> Hath emptied Heaven, shall fail to re-ascend, <br /> Self-raised, and repossess their native seat?
** Lines 631-34
* '''Who overcomes <br /> By force, hath overcome but half his foe.'''
** Lines 648-49
* Mammon, the least erected spirit that fell <br /> From heaven; for ev’n in heaven his looks and thoughts <br /> Were always downward bent, admiring more <br /> The riches of heaven’s pavement, trodden gold, <br /> Than aught divine or holy else enjoy’d <br /> In vision beatific.
** Lines 679-84
* Let none admire <br /> That riches grow in hell; that soil may best <br /> Deserve the precious bane.
** Lines 690-692
*Anon out of the earth a fabric huge <br /> Rose, like an exhalation.
**Line 710
* From morn <br /> To noon he fell, from noon to dewy eve, <br /> A summer's day; and with the setting sun <br /> Dropped from the zenith like a falling star.
** Lines 742-745
*Fairy elves, <br /> Whose midnight revels by a forest side <br /> Or fountain some belated peasant sees, <br /> Or dreams he sees, while overhead the moon <br /> Sits arbitress.
**Line 781
== Book II ==
* High on a throne of royal state, which far <br /> Outshone the wealth of Ormus and of Ind, <br /> Or where the gorgeous East with richest hand <br /> Showers on her kings barbaric pearl and gold, <br /> Satan exalted sat, by merit raised <br /> To that bad eminence; and from despair <br /> Thus high uplifted beyond hope, aspires <br /> Beyond thus high, insatiate to pursue <br /> Vain war with heav'n.
** Lines 1-9
*Surer to prosper than prosperity <br /> Could have assur'd us.
**Line 39
*The strongest and the fiercest spirit <br /> That fought in heaven, now fiercer by despair.
**Line 44
* Rather than be less <br /> Cared not to be at all.
** Lines 47-48
* My sentence is for open War; Of Wiles, <br /> More unexpert, I boast not: them let those <br /> Contrive who need, or when they need, not now. <br /> For while they sit contriving, shall the rest, <br /> Millions that stand in Arms, and longing wait <br /> The Signal to ascend, sit ling'ring here, <br /> Heav'n's fugitives, and for their dwelling place <br /> Accept this dark opprobrious Den of shame, <br /> The Prison of his Tyranny who Reigns <br /> By our delay? no, let us rather choose, <br /> Arm'd with Hell flames and fury all at once <br /> O'er Heaven's high Tow'rs to force resistless way, <br /> Turning our Tortures into horrid Arms <br /> Against the Torturer.
** Lines 51-64
*That in our proper motion we ascend <br /> Up to our native seat: descent and fall <br /> To us is adverse.
**Line 75
*When the scourge <br /> Inexorable and the torturing hour <br /> Call us to penance.
**Line 90
*Which, if not victory, is yet revenge.
**Line 105
*But all was false and hollow; though his tongue <br /> Dropp'd manna, and could make the worse appear <br /> The better reason, to perplex and dash <br /> Maturest counsels.
** Lines 112-114. Compare: "Aristophanes turns Socrates into ridicule…as making the worse appear the better reason", [[Diogenes Laërtius]], Socrates, v
*Th' ethereal mould <br /> Incapable of stain would soon expel <br /> Her mischief, and purge off the baser fire, <br /> Victorious. Thus repulsed, our final hope <br /> Is flat despair: we must exasperate <br /> Th' Almighty Victor to spend all his rage; <br /> And that must end us; that must be our cure-- <br /> To be no more. Sad cure! for who would lose, <br /> Though full of pain, this intellectual being, <br /> Those thoughts that wander through eternity, <br /> To perish rather, swallowed up and lost <br /> In the wide womb of uncreated Night, <br /> Devoid of sense and motion?
** Lines 142-51. Compare: "Our hope is loss, our hope but sad despair", [[William Shakespeare]], Henry VI. part iii. act ii, scene. 3
*His red right hand.
**Line 174; compare: "''Rubente dextera''", [[Horace]], Ode i, 2, 2
*Unrespited, unpitied, unrepriev'd.
**Line 185
*The never-ending flight <br /> Of future days.
**Line 221
* Thus Belial with words clothed in reason's garb <br /> Counseled ignoble ease, and peaceful sloth, <br /> Not peace.
** Lines 226-228
*Our torments also may in length of time <br /> Become our elements.
**Line 274
* With grave <br /> Aspect he rose, and in his rising seemed <br /> A pillar of state; deep on his front engraven <br /> Deliberation sat and public care; <br /> And princely counsel in his face yet shone, <br /> Majestic though in ruin: sage he stood, <br /> With Atlantean shoulders, fit to bear <br /> The weight of mightiest monarchies; his look <br /> Drew audience and attention still as night <br /> Or summer's noontide air.
** Lines 300-305
* To sit in darkness here <br /> Hatching vain empires.
** Lines 377-378
*The palpable obscure.
**Line 406
* '''Long is the way <br /> And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light.'''
** Lines 432-33.
*** Compare: "'[...]facilis descensus Averno: noctes atque dies patet atri ianua Ditis; sed revocare gradum superasque evadere ad auras, hoc opus, hic labor est.'" [[Virgil]], ''Aeneid'', vi. 126. ("The gates of hell are open night and day; Smooth the descent, and easy is the way: But to return, and view the cheerful skies, In this the task and mighty labor lies." —[[Dryden]].)
* Their rising all at once was as the sound <br /> Of thunder heard remote.
** Lines 476-477
*The low'ring element <br /> Scowls o'er the darken'd landscape.
**Line 490
*Oh, shame to men! devil with devil damn'd <br /> Firm concord holds, men only disagree <br /> Of creatures rational.
**Line 496
*In discourse more sweet; <br /> For eloquence the soul, song charms the sense. <br /> Others apart sat on a hill retired, <br /> In thoughts more elevate, and reasoned high <br /> Of Providence, foreknowledge, will, and fate, <br /> Fixed fate, free will, foreknowledge absolute, <br /> And found no end, in wand'ring mazes lost.
** Lines 555-561
*Vain wisdom all and false philosophy.
**Line 565
*Arm th' obdur'd breast <br /> With stubborn patience as with triple steel.
**Line 568
*A gulf profound as that Serbonian bog <br /> Betwixt Damiata and Mount Casius old, <br /> Where armies whole have sunk: the parching air <br /> Burns frore, and cold performs th' effect of fire. <br /> Thither by harpy-footed Furies hal'd, <br /> At certain revolutions all the damn'd <br /> Are brought, and feel by turns the bitter change <br /> Of fierce extremes,—extremes by change more fierce; <br /> From beds of raging fire to starve in ice <br /> Their soft ethereal warmth, and there to pine <br /> Immovable, infix'd, and frozen round, <br /> Periods of time; thence hurried back to fire.
**Lines 597-603
*O'er many a frozen, many a fiery Alp, <br /> Rocks, caves, lakes, fens, bogs, dens, and shades of death.
**Line 620
*Gorgons and Hydras and Chimæras dire.
**Line 628
*The other shape, <br /> If shape it might be call'd that shape had none <br /> Distinguishable in member, joint, or limb; <br /> Or substance might be call'd that shadow seem'd, <br /> For each seem'd either,—black it stood as night, <br /> Fierce as ten furies, terrible as hell, <br /> And shook a dreadful dart; what seem'd his head <br /> The likeness of a kingly crown had on. <br /> Satan was now at hand.
**Line 666
*Whence and what art thou, execrable shape?
**Line 681
*Back to thy punishment, <br /> False fugitive, and to thy speed add wings.
**Line 699
*So spake the grisly Terror.
**Line 704
[[Image:William Hogarth - Satan, Sin and Death (A Scene from Milton's `Paradise Lost') - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Incensed with indignation Satan stood <br /> Unterrified, and like a comet burned <br /> That fires the length of [[W:Ophiuchus|Ophiuchus]] huge <br /> In the arctic sky, and from his horrid hair <br /> Shakes pestilence and war.]]
*Incens'd with indignation Satan stood <br /> Unterrify'd, and like a comet burn'd <br /> That fires the length of Ophiuchus huge <br /> In th' arctic sky, and from his horrid hair <br /> Shakes pestilence and war.
**Line 707
*Their fatal hands <br /> No second stroke intend.
**Line 712
*Hell <br /> Grew darker at their frown.
**Line 719
*I fled, and cry'd out, DEATH! <br /> Hell trembled at the hideous name, and sigh'd <br /> From all her caves, and back resounded, DEATH!
**Line 787
* Before mine eyes in opposition sits <br /> Grim Death, my son and foe.
** Lines 803-804
*Death <br /> Grinn'd horrible a ghastly smile, to hear <br /> His famine should be fill'd.
**Line 845
*On a sudden open fly, <br /> With impetuous recoil and jarring sound, <br /> Th' infernal doors, and on their hinges grate <br /> Harsh thunder.
**Line 879
*Where eldest Night <br /> And Chaos, ancestors of Nature, hold <br /> Eternal anarchy amidst the noise <br /> Of endless wars, and by confusion stand; <br /> For hot, cold, moist, and dry, four champions fierce, <br /> Strive here for mast'ry.
** Lines 894-899
* Into this wilde Abyss, <br /> The Womb of nature and perhaps her Grave, <br /> Of neither Sea, nor Shore, nor Air, nor Fire, <br /> But all these in thir pregnant causes mixt <br /> Confus'dly, and which thus must ever fight, <br /> Unless th' Almighty Maker them ordain <br /> His dark materials to create more Worlds, <br /> Into this wilde Abyss the warie fiend <br /> Stood on the brink of Hell and look'd a while, <br /> Pondering his Voyage.
** Lines 910-919
*To compare <br /> Great things with small.
**Line 921; compare: "Compare great things with small", [[Virgil]], ''Eclogues'', i. 24; ''Georgics'', iv. 176; [[Abraham Cowley]], ''The Motto''; [[John Dryden]], ''Ovid, Metamorphoses'', book i. line 727; [[Thomas Tickell]], ''Poem on Hunting''; [[Alexander Pope]], ''Windsor Forest''.
*O'er bog or steep, through strait, rough, dense, or rare, <br /> With head, hands, wings, or feet, pursues his way, <br /> And swims or sinks, or wades, or creeps, or flies.
**Line 948
* With ruin upon ruin, rout on rout, <br /> Confusion worse confounded.
** Lines 995-996
*So he with difficulty and labour hard <br /> Mov'd on, with difficulty and labour he.
**Line 1021
*And fast by, hanging in a golden chain, <br /> This pendent world, in bigness as a star <br /> Of smallest magnitude, close by the moon.
**Line 1051
== Book III ==
* Hail, holy light! offspring of heav'n first born.
** Line 1
*The rising world of waters dark and deep.
**Line 11
*Thoughts that voluntary move <br /> Harmonious numbers.
**Line 37
* Thus with the year <br /> Seasons return; but not to me returns <br /> Day, or the sweet approach of ev'n or morn, <br /> Or sight of vernal bloom, or summer's rose, <br /> Or flocks, or herds, or human face divine; <br /> But cloud instead, and ever-during dark <br /> Surrounds me, from the cheerful ways of men <br /> Cut off, and for the book of knowledge fair <br /> Presented with a universal blank <br /> Of Nature's works to me expunged and razed, <br /> And wisdom at one entrance quite shut out.
** Lines 40-50
* I made him just and right, <br /> Sufficient to have stood, though free to fall.
** Lines 98-99
* Golden days, fruitful of golden deeds, <br /> With joy and love triumphing.
**Line 337
*Dark with excessive bright.
**Line 380
*Embryos and idiots, eremites and friars, <br /> White, black, and gray, with all their trumpery.
**Line 474
*Into a limbo large and broad, since call'd <br /> The Paradise of Fools, to few unknown.
**Lines 495-496
*Neither man nor angel can discern <br /> Hypocrisy, the only evil that walks <br /> Invisible
*Lines 682-684
*And oft, though wisdom wake, suspicion sleeps <br /> At wisdom's gate, and to simplicity <br /> Resigns her charge, while goodness thinks no ill <br /> Where no ill seems.
**Line 686
== Book IV ==
*'''''Satan'', now first inflam’d with rage, came down''', <br /> The Tempter ere th’ Accuser of man-kind, <br /> To wreck on innocent frail man his loss <br /> Of that first Battel, and his flight to Hell: <br /> Yet not rejoycing in his speed, though bold, <br /> Far off and fearless, nor with cause to boast, <br /> Begins his dire attempt, which nigh the birth <br /> Now rowling, boiles in his tumultuous brest, <br /> And like a devillish Engine back recoiles <br /> Upon himself; horror and doubt distract <br /> His troubl’d thoughts, and from the bottom stirr <br /> The Hell within him, for within him Hell <br /> He brings, and round about him, nor from Hell <br /> One step no more then from himself can fly <br /> By change of place: '''Now conscience wakes despair <br /> That slumberd, wakes the bitter memorie <br /> Of what he was, what is, and what must be <br /> Worse; of worse deeds worse sufferings must ensue.'''
**Lines 8 - 23
*At whose sight all the stars <br /> Hide their diminish'd heads.
**Line 34; compare: "Ye little stars! hide our diminished rays", [[Alexander Pope]], Moral Essays, Epistle iii, line 282.
*A grateful mind <br /> By owing owes not, but still pays, at once <br /> Indebted and discharg'd.
**Line 55
* '''Me miserable! which way shall I fly <br /> Infinite wrath and infinite despair? <br /> Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell'''; <br /> And in the lowest deep a lower deep, <br /> Still threat’ning to devour me, opens wide, <br /> To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven.
** Lines 73-78
[[File:Martin, John - Satan presiding at the Infernal Council - 1824.JPG|thumb|Under what [[torments]] inwardly I groan, <br /> While they [[adore]] me on the [[throne]] of [[Hell]]! <br /> With [[Crown|diadem]] and scepter high advanced <br /> The lower still I fall, only supreme <br /> In [[misery]]: such [[joy]] [[ambition]] finds!]]
* '''Under what [[torments]] inwardly I groane; <br /> While they [[adore]] me on the [[Throne]] of [[Hell]], <br /> With [[Crown|Diadem]] and Scepter high advanc’d <br /> The lower still I fall, onely Supream <br /> In [[Misery|miserie]]; such [[joy]] [[Ambition]] findes.''' <br /> But say I could [[repent]] and could obtaine <br /> By [[Act]] of [[Grace]] my former state; how soon <br /> Would highth recal high [[thoughts]], how soon unsay <br /> What feign’d [[submission]] swore: ease would recant <br /> [[Vows]] made in [[pain]], as [[violent]] and void. <br /> For never can true [[Reconciliation|reconcilement]] [[grow]] <br /> Where [[wounds]] of [[deadly]] [[hate]] have peirc’d so deep: <br /> Which would but lead me to a worse relapse <br /> And heavier fall: so should I [[purchase]] deare <br /> Short intermission bought with double smart. <br /> This knows my punisher; therefore as farr <br /> From granting hee, as I from [[begging]] [[peace]]: <br /> All [[hope]] excluded thus, behold in stead <br /> Of us out-cast, [[Exile|exil'd]], his new [[delight]], <br /> [[Mankind]] [[created]], and for him this [[World]].
**Lines 88 - 107
* '''So farewel Hope, and with Hope farewel Fear, <br /> Farewel Remorse: all Good to me is lost;<br /> Evil be thou my Good'''; by thee at least<br /> Divided Empire with Heav'ns King I hold<br /> By thee, and more then half perhaps will reigne;<br /> As Man ere long, and this new World shall know.
** Lines 108-113
*That practis'd falsehood under saintly shew, <br /> Deep malice to conceal, couch'd with revenge.
**Line 122
*Sabean odours from the spicy shore <br /> Of Araby the Blest.
**Line 162
* And on the Tree of Life, <br /> The middle tree and highest there that grew, <br /> Sat like a cormorant.
** Lines 194-196
*A heaven on earth.
**Line 208
*Flowers worthy of paradise.
**Line 241
*Flowers of all hue, and without thorn the rose.
**Line 256. Compare: "But ne'er the rose without the thorn", [[Robert Herrick]], ''The Rose''
*Proserpine gathering flowers, <br /> Herself a fairer flower.
**Line 269
* Two of far nobler shape erect and tall, <br /> Godlike erect, with native honor clad <br /> In naked majesty seemed lords of all.
** Lines 288-290
* For contemplation he and valor formed, <br /> For softness she and sweet attractive grace; <br /> He for God only, she for God in him. <br /> His fair large front and eye sublime declar'd <br /> Absolute rule; and hyacinthine locks <br /> Round from his parted forelock manly hung <br /> Clustering, but not beneath his shoulders broad.
** Lines 297-303
* Implied <br /> Subjection, but required with gentle sway, <br /> And by her yielded, by him best received, <br /> Yielded with coy submission, modest pride, <br /> And sweet reluctant amorous delay.
** Lines 307-311
* Adam the goodliest man of men since born <br /> His sons, the fairest of her daughters Eve.
** Lines 323-324
* So spake the Fiend, and with necessity, <br /> The tyrant's plea, excused his devilish deeds.
** Lines 393-394. Compare: "Necessity is the argument of tyrants, it is the creed of slaves", [[William Pitt the Younger]], Speech on the India Bill, November, 1783
*As Jupiter <br /> On Juno smiles, when he impregns the clouds <br /> That shed May flowers.
**Line 499
*Imparadis'd in one another's arms.
**Line 506
*Live while ye may, <br /> Yet happy pair.
**Line 533
* Knowledge forbidd'n? <br /> Suspicious, reasonless. Why should thir Lord <br /> Envie them that? can it be sin to know, <br /> Can it be death? and do they onely stand <br /> By Ignorance, is that thir happie state, <br /> The proof of thir obedience and thir faith? <br /> O fair foundation laid whereon to build <br /> Thir ruine! Hence I will excite thir minds <br /> With more desire to know, and to reject <br /> Envious commands, invented with designe <br /> To keep them low whom knowledge might exalt <br /> Equal with Gods; aspiring to be such, <br /> They taste and die: what likelier can ensue?
**Line 515-527
*'''Now came still evening on, and twilight gray <br /> Had in her sober livery all things clad'''; <br /> Silence accompany'd; for beast and bird, <br /> They to their grassy couch, these to their nests, <br /> Were slunk, all but the wakeful nightingale; <br /> She all night long her amorous descant sung; <br /> Silence was pleas'd. Now glow'd the firmament <br /> With living sapphires; Hesperus, that led <br /> The starry host, rode brightest, till the moon, <br /> Rising in clouded majesty, at length <br /> Apparent queen unveil'd her peerless light, <br /> And o'er the dark her silver mantle threw.
**Line 598
* The wakeful nightingale, <br /> She all night long her amorous descant sung; <br /> Silence was pleased: now glowed the firmament <br /> With living sapphires: Hesperus, that led <br /> The starry host, rode brightest, till the moon, <br /> Rising in clouded majesty, at length <br /> Apparent queen unveiled her peerless light, <br /> And o'er the dark her silver mantle threw.
** Lines 602-609
*The timely dew of sleep.
**Line 614
[[File:Satan watching the endearments of Adam and Eve.jpg|thumb|With thee conversing I forget all [[time]], <br /> All [[seasons]], and their [[change]]; all please alike.]]
* With thee conversing I forget all [[time]], <br /> All [[seasons]], and their [[change]]; all please alike. <br /> Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet, <br /> With charm of earliest birds; pleasant the sun <br /> When first on this delightful land he spreads <br /> His orient beams on herb, tree, fruit, and flower, <br /> Glist'ring with dew; fragrant the fertile earth <br /> After soft showers; and sweet the coming on <br /> Of grateful ev'ning mild; then silent night <br /> With this her solemn bird and this fair moon, <br /> And these the gems of heaven, her starry train: <br /> But neither breath of morn when she ascends <br /> With charm of earliest birds, nor rising sun <br /> On this delightful land, nor herb, fruit, flower, <br /> Glist'ring with dew, nor fragrance after showers, <br /> Nor grateful ev'ning mild, nor silent night <br /> With this her solemn bird, nor walk by moon <br /> Or glittering starlight, without thee is sweet.
** Lines 639-656
* Millions of spiritual creatures walk the earth <br /> Unseen, both when we wake, and when we sleep.
** Lines 677-678
*In naked beauty more adorn'd, <br /> More lovely than Pandora.
**Line 713. Compare: "When unadorned, adorned the most", [[James Thomson]], ''Autumn'', line 204
* Eased the putting off <br /> These troublesome disguises which we wear.
** Lines 739-740
* Hail wedded love, mysterious law, true source <br /> Of human offspring.
** Lines 750-751
*Squat like a toad, close at the ear of Eve.
**Line 800
*Him thus intent Ithuriel with his spear <br /> Touch'd lightly; for no falsehood can endure <br /> Touch of celestial temper.
**Line 810
*Not to know me argues yourselves unknown, <br /> The lowest of your throng.
**Line 830
[[File:GuidoReni MichaelDefeatsSatan.jpg|thumb|Abashed the Devil stood, <br /> And felt how awful goodness is, and saw <br /> Virtue in her shape how lovely — saw, and pined<br />His loss.]]
* '''Abashed the Devil stood, <br /> And felt how awful goodness is, and saw <br /> Virtue in her shape how lovely; saw, and pined <br /> His loss.'''
** Lines 846-848
* Came not '''all hell broke loose?'''
** Line 918
*Like Teneriff or Atlas unremoved.
**Line 987
*The starry cope <br /> Of heaven.
**Line 992
*Fled <br /> Murmuring, and with him fled the shades of night.
**Line 1014
== Book V ==
*Now morn, her rosy steps in th' eastern clime <br /> Advancing, sow'd the earth with orient pearl, <br /> When Adam wak'd, so custom'd; for his sleep <br /> Was aery light, from pure digestion bred.
**Line 1
*Hung over her enamour'd, and beheld <br /> Beauty, which, whether waking or asleep, <br /> Shot forth peculiar graces.
**Line 13
*My latest found, <br /> Heaven's last, best gift, my ever new delight!
**Line 18
* '''Good, the more <br /> Communicated, more abundant grows.'''
** Lines 71-72.
* These are thy glorious works, Parent of good.
** Line 153
* Him first, him last, him midst, and without end.
** Line 165
*Fairest of stars, last in the train of night, <br /> If better thou belong not to the dawn.
**Line 166
* Fountains, and ye, that warble, as ye flow,<br />Melodious murmurs, warbling tune his praise.
** Line 195
*A wilderness of sweets.
**Line 294
*Another morn <br /> Ris'n on mid-noon.
**Line 310
* So saying, with dispatchful looks in haste <br /> She turns, on hospitable thoughts intent.
** Lines 331-332
* Nor jealousy <br /> Was understood, the injured lover's hell.
** Lines 449-450
*The bright consummate flower.
**Line 481
* '''Freely we serve, <br /> Because we freely love, as in our will <br /> To love or not; in this we stand or fall.'''
** Lines 538-540
* What if earth <br /> Be but the shadow of heaven, and things therein <br /> Each to other like, more than on earth is thought?
** Lines 574-576
*Thrones, Dominations, Princedoms, Virtues, Powers.
**Line 601
* All seemed well pleased, all seemed but were not all.
** Line 617
*They eat, they drink, and in communion sweet <br /> Quaff immortality and joy.
**Line 637
*Satan; so call him now, his former name <br /> Is heard no more in heaven.
**Line 658
*Midnight brought on the dusky hour <br /> Friendliest to sleep and silence.
**Line 667
*Innumerable as the stars of night, <br /> Or stars of morning, dewdrops which the sun <br /> Impearls on every leaf and every flower.
**Line 745
* Will ye submit your necks, and chuse to bend <br /> The supple knee? ye will not, if I trust <br /> To know ye right, or if ye know your selves <br /> Natives and Sons of Heav'n possest before <br /> By none, and if not equal all, yet free, <br /> Equally free; for Orders and Degrees <br /> Jarr not with liberty, but well consist. <br /> Who can in reason then or right assume <br /> Monarchie over such as live by right...
** Line 787
*So spake the seraph Abdiel, faithful found; <br /> Among the faithless, faithful only he.
**Line 896-897
== Book VI ==
* Morn, <br /> Waked by the circling hours, with rosy hand <br /> Unbarred the gates of light.
** Lines 2-4
* Servant of God, well done, well hast thou fought <br /> The better fight, who single hast maintained <br /> Against revolted multitudes the cause <br /> Of truth, in word mightier than they in arms.
** Lines 29-32
* How few somtimes may know, when thousands err.
** Line 148
*Arms on armour clashing bray'd <br /> Horrible discord, and the madding wheels <br /> Of brazen chariots rag'd: dire was the noise <br /> Of conflict.
**Line 209
*Spirits that live throughout, <br /> Vital in every part, not as frail man, <br /> In entrails, heart or head, liver or reins, <br /> Cannot but by annihilating die.
**Line 345
*Far off his coming shone.
**Line 768
* In heavenly spirits could such [[perverseness]] dwell?
** Line 788; compare: "Tantaene animis coelestibus irae?", [[Virgil]], ''Aeneid'', i. 16
== Book VII ==
* More safe I sing with mortal voice, unchanged <br /> To hoarse or mute, though fall'n, and evil tongues; <br /> In darkness, and with dangers compassed round, <br /> And solitude.
** Lines 24-28
*Still govern thou my song, <br /> Urania, and fit audience find, though few.
**Line 30
* Out of one man a race <br /> Of men innumerable.
** Lines 155-156
*Heaven open'd wide <br /> Her ever during gates, harmonious sound, <br /> On golden hinges moving.
**Line 205
* On heav'nly ground they stood, and from the shore<br />They view'd the vast immeasurable Abyss<br />Outrageous as a Sea, dark, wasteful, wilde,<br />Up from the bottom turn'd by furious windes<br />And surging waves, as Mountains to assault<br />Heav'ns highth, and with the Center mix the Pole.<br />"Silence, ye troubl'd waves, and thou Deep, peace!"<br />Said then th' Omnific Word, "Your discord end!"<br />Nor staid, but on the Wings of Cherubim<br />Uplifted, in Paternal Glorie rode<br />Farr into Chaos, and the World unborn;<br />For Chaos heard his voice: him all his Traine<br />Follow'd in bright procession to behold<br />Creation, and the wonders of his might.<br />Then staid the fervid Wheeles, and in his hand<br />He took the golden Compasses, prepar'd<br />In Gods Eternal store, to circumscribe<br />This Universe, and all created things:<br />One foot he center'd, and the other turn'd<br />Round through the vast profunditie obscure,<br />And said, "Thus farr extend, thus farr thy bounds,<br />This be thy just Circumference, O World!"
** Lines 210–231
*Hither, as to their fountain, other stars <br /> Repairing, in their golden urns draw light.
**Line 364
* There Leviathan <br /> Hugest of living creatures, on the deep <br /> Stretched like a promontory sleeps or swims, <br /> And seems a moving land, and at his gills <br /> Draws in, and at his trunk spouts out a sea.
** Lines 412-416
*Now half appear'd <br /> The tawny lion, pawing to get free <br /> His hinder parts.
**Line 463
*Indu'd <br /> With sanctity of reason.
**Line 507
* The planets in their stations list'ning stood, <br /> While the bright pomp ascended jubilant. <br /> Open, ye everlasting gates, they sung, <br /> Open ye heavens, your living doors; let in <br /> The great Creator from his work returned <br /> Magnificent, his six days' work, a world.
** Line 563-568
*A broad and ample road, whose dust is gold, <br /> And pavement stars,—as stars to thee appear <br /> Seen in the galaxy, that milky way <br /> Which nightly as a circling zone thou seest <br /> Powder'd with stars.
**Line 577
== Book VIII ==
* The angel ended, and in Adam's ear <br /> So charming left his voice that he awhile <br /> Thought him still speaking, still stood fixed to hear.
** Lines 1-3
*There swift return <br /> Diurnal, merely to officiate light <br /> Round this opacous earth, this punctual spot.
**Line 21
*And grace that won who saw to wish her stay.
**Line 43
*And touch'd by her fair tendance, gladlier grew.
**Line 47
*With centric and eccentric scribbled o'er, <br /> Cycle and epicycle, orb in orb.
**Line 83
*Her silent course advance <br /> With inoffensive pace, that spinning sleeps <br /> On her soft axle.
**Line 163
*Be lowly wise: <br /> Think only what concerns thee and thy being.
**Line 173
* To know <br /> That which before us lies in daily life <br /> Is the prime wisdom.
** Lines 192-194
*Liquid lapse of murmuring streams.
**Line 263
*And feel that I am happier than I know.
**Line 282
*Among unequals what society <br /> Can sort, what harmony, or true delight?
**Line 383
[[File:Angel of the Divine Presence Bringing Eve to Adam (The Creation of Eve- "And She Shall be Called Woman) (recto); Sketch for the same (verso) MET DP805381.jpg|thumb|Under his forming hands a creature grew,<br />Man-like, but different sex; so lovely fair,<br />That what seemed fair in all the world, seemed now<br />Mean, or in her summed up, in her contained<br />And in her looks; . . .<br />Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye, <br /> In every gesture dignity and love.]]
* Under his forming hands a creature grew,<br />Man-like, but different sex; so lovely fair,<br />That what seemed fair in all the world, seemed now<br />Mean, or in her summed up, in her contained<br />And in her looks; which from that time infused<br />Sweetness into my heart, unfelt before,<br />And into all things from her air inspired<br />The spirit of love and amorous delight.
** Lines 470–477
* '''Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye, <br /> In every gesture dignity and love.'''
** Lines 488–489
* Her virtue and the conscience of her worth, <br /> That would be wooed, and not unsought be won.
** Lines 502-503
*She what was honour knew, <br /> And with obsequious majesty approv'd <br /> My pleaded reason. To the nuptial bower <br /> I led her blushing like the morn; all heaven <br /> And happy constellations on that hour <br /> Shed their selectest influence; the earth <br /> Gave sign of gratulation, and each hill; <br /> Joyous the birds; fresh gales and gentle airs <br /> Whisper'd it to the woods, and from their wings <br /> Flung rose, flung odours from the spicy shrub.
**Line 508
*The sum of earthly bliss.
**Line 522
[[File:The First Awakening of Eve by Valentine Cameron Prinsep.jpg|thumb|So absolute she seems <br /> And in herself complete, so well to know <br /> Her own, that what she wills to do or say, <br /> Seems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best.]]
* So absolute she seems <br /> And in herself complete, so well to know <br /> Her own, that what she wills to do or say, <br /> Seems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best.
** Lines 547–550
* Accuse not Nature: she hath done her part; <br /> Do thou but thine.
** Lines 561-62
* Ofttimes nothing profits more <br /> Than self-esteem, grounded on just and right <br /> Well managed.
** Lines 571-573. Compare: "But most of all respect thyself", a precept of the [[w:Pythagoreanism|Pythagoreans]], attributed to [[Pythagoras]].
*Those graceful acts, <br /> Those thousand decencies that daily flow <br /> From all her words and actions.
**Line 610
*With a smile that glow'd <br /> Celestial rosy red, love's proper hue.
**Line 618
== Book IX ==
*My unpremeditated verse.
**Line 24
*Pleas'd me, long choosing and beginning late.
**Line 26
*Not [[wikt:sedulous|sedulous]] by Nature to [[wikt:indite|indite]] <br /> Warrs, hitherto the onely Argument <br /> Heroic deem'd, chief [[wikt:maistrie|maistrie]] to dissect <br /> With long and tedious havoc fabl'd Knights <br /> In Battels feign'd; the better fortitude <br /> Of Patience and Heroic Martyrdom <br /> Unsung
**Lines 27-33
*Unless an age too late, or cold <br /> Climate, or years, damp my intended wing.
**Line 44
* The serpent subtlest beast of all the field.
** Line 86
* Revenge, at first though sweet, <br /> Bitter ere long back on itself recoils.
** Lines 171-72
*The work under our labour grows, <br /> Luxurious by restraint.
**Line 208
*Smiles from reason flow, <br /> To brute deny'd, and are of love the food.
**Line 239
* For solitude sometimes is best society, <br /> And short retirement urges sweet return.
** Lines 249-250
*At shut of evening flowers.
**Line 278
* Go in thy native innocence, rely <br /> On what thou hast of virtue; summon all! <br /> For God towards thee hath done his part, do thine.
** Lines 373–375
*As one who long in populous city pent, <br /> Where houses thick and sewers annoy the air.
**Line 445
*So gloz'd the tempter.
**Line 549
*Hope elevates, and joy <br /> Brightens his crest.
**Line 633
* God so commanded, and left that command <br /> Sole daughter of his voice; the rest, we live <br /> Law to ourselves, our reason is our law.
** Lines 652-654. Compare: "Stern daughter of the voice of God", [[William Wordsworth]], ''Ode to Duty''
[[File:William Blake - The Temptation and Fall of Eve (Illustration to Milton's "Paradise Lost") - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Earth felt the wound, and Nature from her seat, <br /> Sighing through all her works, gave signs of woe <br /> That all was lost.]]
* Her rash hand in evil hour <br /> Forth reaching to the fruit, she plucked, she eat: <br /> Earth felt the wound, and Nature from her seat, <br /> Sighing through all her works, gave signs of woe <br /> That all was lost.
** Lines 780–784
* So dear I love him, that with him all deaths <br /> I could endure, without him live no life.
** Lines 832-833
* In her face excuse <br /> Came prologue, and apology too prompt.
** Line 853-854
* O fairest of creation! last and best <br /> Of all God's works! creature in whom excelled <br /> Whatever can to sight or thought be formed, <br /> Holy, divine, good, amiable, or sweet! <br /> How art thou lost, how on a sudden lost, <br /> Defaced, deflowered, and now to Death devote?
** Lines 896-901
* I feel <br /> The link of nature draw me: flesh of flesh, <br /> Bone of my bone thou art, and from thy state <br /> Mine never shall be parted, bliss or woe.
** Lines 913-916
* Our state cannot be severed; we are one, <br /> One flesh; to lose thee were to lose myself.
** Lines 958-959
*A pillar'd shade <br /> High overarch'd, and echoing walks between.
**Line 1106
* Thus it shall befall<br />Him who, to worth in women overtrusting,<br />Lets her will rule; restraint she will not brook,<br />And, left to herself, if evil thence ensue,<br />She first his weak indulgence will accuse.
** Lines 1182–1186
== Book X ==
* I shall temper so <br /> Justice with mercy.
** Lines 77-78
*So scented the grim Feature, and upturn'd <br /> His nostril wide into the murky air, <br /> Sagacious of his quarry from so far.
**Line 279
* Pandemonium, city and proud seat <br /> Of Lucifer.
** Lines 424-425
* A dismal universal hiss, the sound <br /> Of public scorn.
** Lines 508-509
* Death...on his pale horse.
** Line 588
* Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay <br /> To mould Me man? Did I solicit thee <br /> From darkness to promote me?
** Lines 743-745
*How gladly would I meet <br /> Mortality my sentence, and be earth <br /> Insensible! how glad would lay me down <br /> As in my mother's lap!
**Line 775
== Book XI ==
*Must I thus leave thee, Paradise?—thus leave <br /> Thee, native soil, these happy walks and shades?
**Line 269
*Then purg'd with euphrasy and rue <br /> The visual nerve, for he had much to see.
**Line 414
*Moping melancholy <br /> And moon-struck madness.
**Line 485
*And over them triumphant Death his dart <br /> Shook, but delay'd to strike, though oft invok'd.
**Line 491
*So may'st thou live, till like ripe fruit thou drop <br /> Into thy mother's lap.
**Line 535
* '''Nor love thy life, nor hate; but what thou liv'st <br /> Live well; how long or short permit to Heaven.'''
** Lines 553-554; compare: "''Summum nec metuas diem, nec optes''" (Translated: "Neither fear nor wish for your last day"), [[Martial]], lib. x. epigram 47, line 13
*A bevy of fair women.
**Line 582
* The evening star, <br /> Love's harbinger.
** Lines 588-589
*The brazen throat of war.
**Line 713
* For now I see <br /> Peace to corrupt no less than war to waste.
** Line 783-784
== Book XII ==
* In me is no delay; with thee to go, <br /> Is to stay here; without thee here to stay, <br /> Is to go hence unwilling; thou to me <br /> Art all things under heaven, all places thou, <br /> Who for my willful crime art banished hence.
** Lines 615-619
*Some natural tears they dropp'd, but wip'd them soon; <br /> The world was all before them, where to choose <br /> Their place of rest, and Providence their guide: <br /> They hand in hand with wand'ring steps and slow <br /> Through Eden took their solitary way.
** Lines 645-649
== Quotes about ''Paradise Lost'' ==
[[File:Portrait of Samuel Johnson ("Blinking Sam").jpg|thumb|The characteristic quality of [Milton's] poem is sublimity. He sometimes descends to the elegant, but his element is the great. He can occasionally invest himself with grace; but his natural port is gigantic loftiness. He can please when pleasure is required; but it is his peculiar power to astonish. —[[Samuel Johnson]]]]
:<small>Sorted alphabetically by author or source</small>
* The most important work of Milton is ''Paradise Lost''; his best work is [[w:Lycidas|''Lycidas'']].
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=uc2.ark:/13960/t1jh3p35c;view=1up;seq=210 ''George Bernard Shaw''] (1909), p. 204
* A poem which, considered with respect to design, may claim the first place, and with respect to performance the second, among the productions of the human mind.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], "The Life of Milton" in ''Lives of the English Poets'' (1781)
* The characteristic quality of [Milton's] poem is sublimity. He sometimes descends to the elegant, but his element is the great. He can occasionally invest himself with grace; but his natural port is gigantic loftiness. He can please when pleasure is required; but it is his peculiar power to astonish.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], "The Life of Milton"
* The want of human interest is always felt. ''Paradise Lost'' is one of the books which the reader admires and lays down, and forgets to take up again. None ever wished it longer than it is. Its perusal is a duty rather than a pleasure. We read Milton for instruction, retire harassed and overburdened, and look elsewhere for recreation; we desert our master, and seek for companions.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], "The Life of Milton"
*When I was seven, I had to copy, by hand, as a punishment, books one and two of Paradise Lost. By that time, I had already started to think of myself as rebellious, so of course I completely identified with Lucifer.
**[[Jamaica Kincaid]], [https://theparisreview.org/interviews/7879/the-art-of-fiction-no-252-jamaica-kincaid Interview] with ''The Paris Review'' (2022)
* A [[wiktionary:prerogative|prerogative]] place among the great [[wiktionary:epic|epic]]s of the [[world]] has sometimes been claimed for ''Paradise Lost'', on the ground that the [[w:Theme (narrative)|theme]] it handles is vaster and of a more universal [[w:Human interest|human interest]] than any handled by Milton's predecessors. It concerns itself with the [[fortune]]s, not of a [[city]] or an [[empire]], but of the whole human race, and with that particular event in the history of the race which has moulded all its destinies.
** [[Walter Raleigh (professor)|Walter Raleigh]], [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=mdp.39015031297644;view=1up;seq=97 ''Milton''] (1900), p. 81
*I love ''Paradise Lost''. It's so cataclysmic.
**[[Leslie Marmon Silko]], interview in ''Backtalk'' by Donna Marie Perry (1993)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource}}
*[http://www.dartmouth.edu/~milton/reading_room/pl/book_1/index.shtml The Milton Reading Room HTML version at Dartmouth]
*[https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/26 Project Gutenberg]
[[Category:Epic poetry]]
[[Category:Works by John Milton]]
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[[Image:Milton paradise.jpg|thumb|Golden days, fruitful of golden deeds, <br /> With joy and love triumphing.]]
'''''[[w:Paradise Lost|Paradise Lost]]''''' ([[w:1667|1667]], [[w:1674|1674]]) is an epic poem by the 17th century English poet [[John Milton]]. The poem concerns the Christian story of the fall of Satan and his brethren and the rise of Man: the temptation of Adam and Eve by Satan and their expulsion from the Garden of Eden.
<small>Note that chapter and line references correspond with the 1674 version of the text, available online [[s:Paradise Lost (1674)| here]].</small>
== Book I ==
[[File:Michelangelo Sündenfall.jpg|thumb|Of man's first disobedience, and the fruit <br /> Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste <br /> Brought death into the world, and all our woe, <br /> With loss of Eden, till one greater Man <br /> Restore us, and regain the blissful seat.]]
* '''Of Man's first disobedience, and the fruit <br /> Of that forbidden tree whose mortal taste <br /> Brought death into the world, and all our woe, <br /> With loss of Eden, till one greater Man <br /> Restore us, and regain the blissful Seat,'''
** Lines 1-5
* Sing Heav'nly Muse, that on the secret top <br /> Of Oreb, or of Sinai, didst inspire <br /> That Shepherd, who first taught the chosen Seed, <br /> In the Beginning how the Heav'ns and Earth <br /> Rose out of Chaos: Or if Sion Hill <br /> Delight thee more, and Siloa's Brook that flow'd <br /> Fast by the Oracle of God; I thence <br /> Invoke thy aid to my adventrous Song, <br /> That with no middle flight intends to soar <br /> Above th' Aonian Mount, while it pursues <br /> Things unattempted yet in Prose or Rhime.
** Lines 6-16
* What in me is dark <br /> Illumine, what is low raise and support; <br /> That to the height of this great argument <br /> I may assert eternal Providence, <br /> And justify the ways of God to men.
** Lines 22-26. Compare: "But vindicate the ways of God to man", [[Alexander Pope]], ''[[Essay on Man]]'', epistle i. line 16
* The infernal serpent; he it was, whose guile, <br /> Stirred up with envy and revenge, deceived <br /> The mother of mankind.
** Lines 34-36
* Him the Almighty Power <br /> Hurled headlong flaming from th' ethereal sky <br /> With hideous ruin and combustion down <br /> To bottomless perdition, there to dwell <br /> In adamantine chains and penal fire, <br /> Who durst defy th' Omnipotent to arms.
** Lines 44-49
*As far as angels' ken.
** Line 59
*Yet from those flames <br /> '''No light, but rather darkness visible.'''
** Lines 62-63
* Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace <br /> And rest can never dwell, hope never comes <br /> That comes at all.
** Lines 65-67
* What though the field be lost? <br /> All is not lost; th’ unconquerable will, <br /> And study of revenge, immortal hate, <br /> And courage never to submit or yield. <br />
** Lines 105-108
* To be weak is miserable, <br /> Doing or suffering.
** Lines 157-158
*And out of good still to find means of evil.
**Line 165
*Thus Satan talking to his nearest mate<br />With head uplift above the wave, and eyes<br />That sparkling blazed; his other parts besides<br />Prone on the flood, extended long and large<br />'''Lay floating many a rood, in bulk as huge<br />As whom the fables name of monstrous size,<br />Titanian, or Earth-born, that warred on Jove,<br />Briareos or Typhon, whom the den<br />By ancient Tarsus held, or that sea-beast<br />Leviathan, which God created of all his works<br />Created hugest that swim th' Ocean stream.'''
**Lines 192-202
*Farewell happy fields, <br /> Where joy forever dwells: hail, horrors!
**Line 249
* A mind not to be changed by place or time. <br /> '''The mind is its own place, and in itself <br /> Can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heav'n.'''
** Lines 253-55. See also Book IV, line 75
[[File:Satan summoning his Legions, 1796-1797 by Sir Thomas Lawrence.jpg|thumb|Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.]]
* […] Here at least <br /> we shall be free; the Almighty hath not built <br /> Here for his envy, will not drive us hence: <br /> Here we may reign secure, and in my choice <br /> to reign is worth ambition though in Hell: <br /> '''Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.'''
** Lines 258-63
** Compare:
*** With the proud disdain of a tyrant he chose to rejoice over his subjects rather than to be a subject himself.
**** [[Augustine]]'', [[w:The City of God|The City of God]]'' (early 400s); Penguin Classics translation by [[w:Henry S. Bettenson|Henry S. Bettenson]]; of Satan
*** Now, forasmuch as I was once an Angel of light, it was the will of Wisdom to confine me to darkness, and to create me Prince thereof; that so I, who could not obey in Heaven, must command in Hell. And, believe me, Sir, I had rather control within my dark diocese, than to reinhabit ''caelum empyreum'', and there live in subjection, under check, a slave of the Most High.
**** [[w:Anthony Stafford|Anthony Stafford]], ''Niobe'' (1611); spoken by Satan
*** To be in Heaven the second he disdains;<br />So now the first in Hell and flames he reigns.
**** [[Phineas Fletcher]], ''Locusts'' (1627), p. 37
*** In Heaven they scorned to serve, so now in Hell they reign.
**** [[Phineas Fletcher]], ''The Purple Island'' (1633), Canto VII, stanza 10
*Heard so oft <br /> In worst extremes, and on the perilous edge <br /> Of battle.
**Line 275
*His spear, to equal which the tallest pine <br /> Hewn on Norwegian hills to be the mast <br /> Of some great ammiral were but a wand, <br /> He walk'd with to support uneasy steps <br /> Over the burning marle.
**Line 292
*Thick as autumnal leaves that strow the brooks <br /> In Vallombrosa, where th' Etrurian shades <br /> High over-arch'd imbower.
**Line 302
* Awake, arise, or be for ever fall'n.
** Line 330
*Spirits when they please <br /> Can either sex assume, or both.
**Line 423
*Execute their airy purposes.
**Line 430
* And, when night <br /> Darkens the streets, then wander forth the sons <br /> Of Belial, flown with insolence and wine.
** Lines 500-502
*Th' imperial ensign, which full high advanc'd <br /> Shone like a meteor, streaming to the wind.
**Line 536. Compare: "Stream'd like a meteor to the troubled air", [[Thomas Gray]], ''The Bard'', i. 2, line 6.
* Sonorous metal blowing martial sounds: <br /> At which the universal host up sent <br /> A shout that tore hell's concave, and beyond <br /> Frighted the reign of Chaos and old Night.
** Lines 540-543
*Anon they move <br /> In perfect phalanx, to the Dorian mood <br /> Of flutes and soft recorders.
**Line 549
*His form had yet not lost <br /> All her original brightness, nor appear'd <br /> Less than archangel ruin'd, and th' excess <br /> Of glory obscur'd.
**Line 591
*In dim eclipse, disastrous twilight sheds <br /> On half the nations, and with fear of change <br /> Perplexes monarchs.
**Line 597
*Thrice he assay'd, and thrice in spite of scorn <br /> Tears, such as angels weep, burst forth.
**Line 619
* For who can yet believe, though after loss, <br /> That all these puissant legions, whose exile <br /> Hath emptied Heaven, shall fail to re-ascend, <br /> Self-raised, and repossess their native seat?
** Lines 631-34
* '''Who overcomes <br /> By force, hath overcome but half his foe.'''
** Lines 648-49
* Mammon, the least erected spirit that fell <br /> From heaven; for ev’n in heaven his looks and thoughts <br /> Were always downward bent, admiring more <br /> The riches of heaven’s pavement, trodden gold, <br /> Than aught divine or holy else enjoy’d <br /> In vision beatific.
** Lines 679-84
* Let none admire <br /> That riches grow in hell; that soil may best <br /> Deserve the precious bane.
** Lines 690-692
*Anon out of the earth a fabric huge <br /> Rose, like an exhalation.
**Line 710
* From morn <br /> To noon he fell, from noon to dewy eve, <br /> A summer's day; and with the setting sun <br /> Dropped from the zenith like a falling star.
** Lines 742-745
*Fairy elves, <br /> Whose midnight revels by a forest side <br /> Or fountain some belated peasant sees, <br /> Or dreams he sees, while overhead the moon <br /> Sits arbitress.
**Line 781
== Book II ==
* High on a throne of royal state, which far <br /> Outshone the wealth of Ormus and of Ind, <br /> Or where the gorgeous East with richest hand <br /> Showers on her kings barbaric pearl and gold, <br /> Satan exalted sat, by merit raised <br /> To that bad eminence; and from despair <br /> Thus high uplifted beyond hope, aspires <br /> Beyond thus high, insatiate to pursue <br /> Vain war with heav'n.
** Lines 1-9
*Surer to prosper than prosperity <br /> Could have assur'd us.
**Line 39
*The strongest and the fiercest spirit <br /> That fought in heaven, now fiercer by despair.
**Line 44
* Rather than be less <br /> Cared not to be at all.
** Lines 47-48
* My sentence is for open War; Of Wiles, <br /> More unexpert, I boast not: them let those <br /> Contrive who need, or when they need, not now. <br /> For while they sit contriving, shall the rest, <br /> Millions that stand in Arms, and longing wait <br /> The Signal to ascend, sit ling'ring here, <br /> Heav'n's fugitives, and for their dwelling place <br /> Accept this dark opprobrious Den of shame, <br /> The Prison of his Tyranny who Reigns <br /> By our delay? no, let us rather choose, <br /> Arm'd with Hell flames and fury all at once <br /> O'er Heaven's high Tow'rs to force resistless way, <br /> Turning our Tortures into horrid Arms <br /> Against the Torturer.
** Lines 51-64
*That in our proper motion we ascend <br /> Up to our native seat: descent and fall <br /> To us is adverse.
**Line 75
*When the scourge <br /> Inexorable and the torturing hour <br /> Call us to penance.
**Line 90
*Which, if not victory, is yet revenge.
**Line 105
*But all was false and hollow; though his tongue <br /> Dropp'd manna, and could make the worse appear <br /> The better reason, to perplex and dash <br /> Maturest counsels.
** Lines 112-114. Compare: "Aristophanes turns Socrates into ridicule…as making the worse appear the better reason", [[Diogenes Laërtius]], Socrates, v
*Th' ethereal mould <br /> Incapable of stain would soon expel <br /> Her mischief, and purge off the baser fire, <br /> Victorious. Thus repulsed, our final hope <br /> Is flat despair: we must exasperate <br /> Th' Almighty Victor to spend all his rage; <br /> And that must end us; that must be our cure-- <br /> To be no more. Sad cure! for who would lose, <br /> Though full of pain, this intellectual being, <br /> Those thoughts that wander through eternity, <br /> To perish rather, swallowed up and lost <br /> In the wide womb of uncreated Night, <br /> Devoid of sense and motion?
** Lines 142-51. Compare: "Our hope is loss, our hope but sad despair", [[William Shakespeare]], Henry VI. part iii. act ii, scene. 3
*His red right hand.
**Line 174; compare: "''Rubente dextera''", [[Horace]], Ode i, 2, 2
*Unrespited, unpitied, unrepriev'd.
**Line 185
*The never-ending flight <br /> Of future days.
**Line 221
* Thus Belial with words clothed in reason's garb <br /> Counseled ignoble ease, and peaceful sloth, <br /> Not peace.
** Lines 226-228
*Our torments also may in length of time <br /> Become our elements.
**Line 274
* With grave <br /> Aspect he rose, and in his rising seemed <br /> A pillar of state; deep on his front engraven <br /> Deliberation sat and public care; <br /> And princely counsel in his face yet shone, <br /> Majestic though in ruin: sage he stood, <br /> With Atlantean shoulders, fit to bear <br /> The weight of mightiest monarchies; his look <br /> Drew audience and attention still as night <br /> Or summer's noontide air.
** Lines 300-305
* To sit in darkness here <br /> Hatching vain empires.
** Lines 377-378
*The palpable obscure.
**Line 406
* '''Long is the way <br /> And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light.'''
** Lines 432-33.
*** Compare: "'[...]facilis descensus Averno: noctes atque dies patet atri ianua Ditis; sed revocare gradum superasque evadere ad auras, hoc opus, hic labor est.'" [[Virgil]], ''Aeneid'', vi. 126. ("The gates of hell are open night and day; Smooth the descent, and easy is the way: But to return, and view the cheerful skies, In this the task and mighty labor lies." —[[Dryden]].)
* Their rising all at once was as the sound <br /> Of thunder heard remote.
** Lines 476-477
*The low'ring element <br /> Scowls o'er the darken'd landscape.
**Line 490
*Oh, shame to men! devil with devil damn'd <br /> Firm concord holds, men only disagree <br /> Of creatures rational.
**Line 496
*In discourse more sweet; <br /> For eloquence the soul, song charms the sense. <br /> Others apart sat on a hill retired, <br /> In thoughts more elevate, and reasoned high <br /> Of Providence, foreknowledge, will, and fate, <br /> Fixed fate, free will, foreknowledge absolute, <br /> And found no end, in wand'ring mazes lost.
** Lines 555-561
*Vain wisdom all and false philosophy.
**Line 565
*Arm th' obdur'd breast <br /> With stubborn patience as with triple steel.
**Line 568
*A gulf profound as that Serbonian bog <br /> Betwixt Damiata and Mount Casius old, <br /> Where armies whole have sunk: the parching air <br /> Burns frore, and cold performs th' effect of fire. <br /> Thither by harpy-footed Furies hal'd, <br /> At certain revolutions all the damn'd <br /> Are brought, and feel by turns the bitter change <br /> Of fierce extremes,—extremes by change more fierce; <br /> From beds of raging fire to starve in ice <br /> Their soft ethereal warmth, and there to pine <br /> Immovable, infix'd, and frozen round, <br /> Periods of time; thence hurried back to fire.
**Lines 597-603
*O'er many a frozen, many a fiery Alp, <br /> Rocks, caves, lakes, fens, bogs, dens, and shades of death.
**Line 620
*Gorgons and Hydras and Chimæras dire.
**Line 628
*The other shape, <br /> If shape it might be call'd that shape had none <br /> Distinguishable in member, joint, or limb; <br /> Or substance might be call'd that shadow seem'd, <br /> For each seem'd either,—black it stood as night, <br /> Fierce as ten furies, terrible as hell, <br /> And shook a dreadful dart; what seem'd his head <br /> The likeness of a kingly crown had on. <br /> Satan was now at hand.
**Line 666
*Whence and what art thou, execrable shape?
**Line 681
*Back to thy punishment, <br /> False fugitive, and to thy speed add wings.
**Line 699
*So spake the grisly Terror.
**Line 704
[[Image:William Hogarth - Satan, Sin and Death (A Scene from Milton's `Paradise Lost') - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Incensed with indignation Satan stood <br /> Unterrified, and like a comet burned <br /> That fires the length of [[W:Ophiuchus|Ophiuchus]] huge <br /> In the arctic sky, and from his horrid hair <br /> Shakes pestilence and war.]]
*Incens'd with indignation Satan stood <br /> Unterrify'd, and like a comet burn'd <br /> That fires the length of Ophiuchus huge <br /> In th' arctic sky, and from his horrid hair <br /> Shakes pestilence and war.
**Line 707
*Their fatal hands <br /> No second stroke intend.
**Line 712
*Hell <br /> Grew darker at their frown.
**Line 719
*I fled, and cry'd out, DEATH! <br /> Hell trembled at the hideous name, and sigh'd <br /> From all her caves, and back resounded, DEATH!
**Line 787
* Before mine eyes in opposition sits <br /> Grim Death, my son and foe.
** Lines 803-804
*Death <br /> Grinn'd horrible a ghastly smile, to hear <br /> His famine should be fill'd.
**Line 845
*On a sudden open fly, <br /> With impetuous recoil and jarring sound, <br /> Th' infernal doors, and on their hinges grate <br /> Harsh thunder.
**Line 879
*Where eldest Night <br /> And Chaos, ancestors of Nature, hold <br /> Eternal anarchy amidst the noise <br /> Of endless wars, and by confusion stand; <br /> For hot, cold, moist, and dry, four champions fierce, <br /> Strive here for mast'ry.
** Lines 894-899
* Into this wilde Abyss, <br /> The Womb of nature and perhaps her Grave, <br /> Of neither Sea, nor Shore, nor Air, nor Fire, <br /> But all these in thir pregnant causes mixt <br /> Confus'dly, and which thus must ever fight, <br /> Unless th' Almighty Maker them ordain <br /> His dark materials to create more Worlds, <br /> Into this wilde Abyss the warie fiend <br /> Stood on the brink of Hell and look'd a while, <br /> Pondering his Voyage.
** Lines 910-919
*To compare <br /> Great things with small.
**Line 921; compare: "Compare great things with small", [[Virgil]], ''Eclogues'', i. 24; ''Georgics'', iv. 176; [[Abraham Cowley]], ''The Motto''; [[John Dryden]], ''Ovid, Metamorphoses'', book i. line 727; [[Thomas Tickell]], ''Poem on Hunting''; [[Alexander Pope]], ''Windsor Forest''.
*O'er bog or steep, through strait, rough, dense, or rare, <br /> With head, hands, wings, or feet, pursues his way, <br /> And swims or sinks, or wades, or creeps, or flies.
**Line 948
* With ruin upon ruin, rout on rout, <br /> Confusion worse confounded.
** Lines 995-996
*So he with difficulty and labour hard <br /> Mov'd on, with difficulty and labour he.
**Line 1021
*And fast by, hanging in a golden chain, <br /> This pendent world, in bigness as a star <br /> Of smallest magnitude, close by the moon.
**Line 1051
== Book III ==
* Hail, holy light! offspring of heav'n first born.
** Line 1
*The rising world of waters dark and deep.
**Line 11
*Thoughts that voluntary move <br /> Harmonious numbers.
**Line 37
* Thus with the year <br /> Seasons return; but not to me returns <br /> Day, or the sweet approach of ev'n or morn, <br /> Or sight of vernal bloom, or summer's rose, <br /> Or flocks, or herds, or human face divine; <br /> But cloud instead, and ever-during dark <br /> Surrounds me, from the cheerful ways of men <br /> Cut off, and for the book of knowledge fair <br /> Presented with a universal blank <br /> Of Nature's works to me expunged and razed, <br /> And wisdom at one entrance quite shut out.
** Lines 40-50
* I made him just and right, <br /> Sufficient to have stood, though free to fall.
** Lines 98-99
* Golden days, fruitful of golden deeds, <br /> With joy and love triumphing.
**Line 337
*Dark with excessive bright.
**Line 380
*Embryos and idiots, eremites and friars, <br /> White, black, and gray, with all their trumpery.
**Line 474
*Into a limbo large and broad, since call'd <br /> The Paradise of Fools, to few unknown.
**Lines 495-496
*Neither man nor angel can discern <br /> Hypocrisy, the only evil that walks <br /> Invisible
*Lines 682-684
*And oft, though wisdom wake, suspicion sleeps <br /> At wisdom's gate, and to simplicity <br /> Resigns her charge, while goodness thinks no ill <br /> Where no ill seems.
**Line 686
== Book IV ==
*'''''Satan'', now first inflam’d with rage, came down''', <br /> The Tempter ere th’ Accuser of man-kind, <br /> To wreck on innocent frail man his loss <br /> Of that first Battel, and his flight to Hell: <br /> Yet not rejoycing in his speed, though bold, <br /> Far off and fearless, nor with cause to boast, <br /> Begins his dire attempt, which nigh the birth <br /> Now rowling, boiles in his tumultuous brest, <br /> And like a devillish Engine back recoiles <br /> Upon himself; horror and doubt distract <br /> His troubl’d thoughts, and from the bottom stirr <br /> The Hell within him, for within him Hell <br /> He brings, and round about him, nor from Hell <br /> One step no more then from himself can fly <br /> By change of place: '''Now conscience wakes despair <br /> That slumberd, wakes the bitter memorie <br /> Of what he was, what is, and what must be <br /> Worse; of worse deeds worse sufferings must ensue.'''
**Lines 8 - 23
*At whose sight all the stars <br /> Hide their diminish'd heads.
**Line 34; compare: "Ye little stars! hide our diminished rays", [[Alexander Pope]], Moral Essays, Epistle iii, line 282.
*A grateful mind <br /> By owing owes not, but still pays, at once <br /> Indebted and discharg'd.
**Line 55
* '''Me miserable! which way shall I fly <br /> Infinite wrath and infinite despair? <br /> Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell'''; <br /> And in the lowest deep a lower deep, <br /> Still threat’ning to devour me, opens wide, <br /> To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven.
** Lines 73-78
[[File:Martin, John - Satan presiding at the Infernal Council - 1824.JPG|thumb|Under what [[torments]] inwardly I groan, <br /> While they [[adore]] me on the [[throne]] of [[Hell]]! <br /> With [[Crown|diadem]] and scepter high advanced <br /> The lower still I fall, only supreme <br /> In [[misery]]: such [[joy]] [[ambition]] finds!]]
* '''Under what [[torments]] inwardly I groane; <br /> While they [[adore]] me on the [[Throne]] of [[Hell]], <br /> With [[Crown|Diadem]] and Scepter high advanc’d <br /> The lower still I fall, onely Supream <br /> In [[Misery|miserie]]; such [[joy]] [[Ambition]] findes.''' <br /> But say I could [[repent]] and could obtaine <br /> By [[Act]] of [[Grace]] my former state; how soon <br /> Would highth recal high [[thoughts]], how soon unsay <br /> What feign’d [[submission]] swore: ease would recant <br /> [[Vows]] made in [[pain]], as [[violent]] and void. <br /> For never can true [[Reconciliation|reconcilement]] [[grow]] <br /> Where [[wounds]] of [[deadly]] [[hate]] have peirc’d so deep: <br /> Which would but lead me to a worse relapse <br /> And heavier fall: so should I [[purchase]] deare <br /> Short intermission bought with double smart. <br /> This knows my punisher; therefore as farr <br /> From granting hee, as I from [[begging]] [[peace]]: <br /> All [[hope]] excluded thus, behold in stead <br /> Of us out-cast, [[Exile|exil'd]], his new [[delight]], <br /> [[Mankind]] [[created]], and for him this [[World]].
**Lines 88 - 107
* '''So farewel Hope, and with Hope farewel Fear, <br /> Farewel Remorse: all Good to me is lost;<br /> Evil be thou my Good'''; by thee at least<br /> Divided Empire with Heav'ns King I hold<br /> By thee, and more then half perhaps will reigne;<br /> As Man ere long, and this new World shall know.
** Lines 108-113
*That practis'd falsehood under saintly shew, <br /> Deep malice to conceal, couch'd with revenge.
**Line 122
*Sabean odours from the spicy shore <br /> Of Araby the Blest.
**Line 162
* And on the Tree of Life, <br /> The middle tree and highest there that grew, <br /> Sat like a cormorant.
** Lines 194-196
*A heaven on earth.
**Line 208
*Flowers worthy of paradise.
**Line 241
*Flowers of all hue, and without thorn the rose.
**Line 256. Compare: "But ne'er the rose without the thorn", [[Robert Herrick]], ''The Rose''
*Proserpine gathering flowers, <br /> Herself a fairer flower.
**Line 269
* Two of far nobler shape erect and tall, <br /> Godlike erect, with native honor clad <br /> In naked majesty seemed lords of all.
** Lines 288-290
* For contemplation he and valor formed, <br /> For softness she and sweet attractive grace; <br /> He for God only, she for God in him. <br /> His fair large front and eye sublime declar'd <br /> Absolute rule; and hyacinthine locks <br /> Round from his parted forelock manly hung <br /> Clustering, but not beneath his shoulders broad.
** Lines 297-303
* Implied <br /> Subjection, but required with gentle sway, <br /> And by her yielded, by him best received, <br /> Yielded with coy submission, modest pride, <br /> And sweet reluctant amorous delay.
** Lines 307-311
* Adam the goodliest man of men since born <br /> His sons, the fairest of her daughters Eve.
** Lines 323-324
* So spake the Fiend, and with necessity, <br /> The tyrant's plea, excused his devilish deeds.
** Lines 393-394. Compare: "Necessity is the argument of tyrants, it is the creed of slaves", [[William Pitt the Younger]], Speech on the India Bill, November, 1783
*As Jupiter <br /> On Juno smiles, when he impregns the clouds <br /> That shed May flowers.
**Line 499
*Imparadis'd in one another's arms.
**Line 506
*Live while ye may, <br /> Yet happy pair.
**Line 533
* Knowledge forbidd'n? <br /> Suspicious, reasonless. Why should thir Lord <br /> Envie them that? can it be sin to know, <br /> Can it be death? and do they onely stand <br /> By Ignorance, is that thir happie state, <br /> The proof of thir obedience and thir faith? <br /> O fair foundation laid whereon to build <br /> Thir ruine! Hence I will excite thir minds <br /> With more desire to know, and to reject <br /> Envious commands, invented with designe <br /> To keep them low whom knowledge might exalt <br /> Equal with Gods; aspiring to be such, <br /> They taste and die: what likelier can ensue?
**Line 515-527
*'''Now came still evening on, and twilight gray <br /> Had in her sober livery all things clad'''; <br /> Silence accompany'd; for beast and bird, <br /> They to their grassy couch, these to their nests, <br /> Were slunk, all but the wakeful nightingale; <br /> She all night long her amorous descant sung; <br /> Silence was pleas'd. Now glow'd the firmament <br /> With living sapphires; Hesperus, that led <br /> The starry host, rode brightest, till the moon, <br /> Rising in clouded majesty, at length <br /> Apparent queen unveil'd her peerless light, <br /> And o'er the dark her silver mantle threw.
**Line 598
* The wakeful nightingale, <br /> She all night long her amorous descant sung; <br /> Silence was pleased: now glowed the firmament <br /> With living sapphires: Hesperus, that led <br /> The starry host, rode brightest, till the moon, <br /> Rising in clouded majesty, at length <br /> Apparent queen unveiled her peerless light, <br /> And o'er the dark her silver mantle threw.
** Lines 602-609
*The timely dew of sleep.
**Line 614
[[File:Satan watching the endearments of Adam and Eve.jpg|thumb|With thee conversing I forget all [[time]], <br /> All [[seasons]], and their [[change]]; all please alike.]]
* With thee conversing I forget all [[time]], <br /> All [[seasons]], and their [[change]]; all please alike. <br /> Sweet is the breath of morn, her rising sweet, <br /> With charm of earliest birds; pleasant the sun <br /> When first on this delightful land he spreads <br /> His orient beams on herb, tree, fruit, and flower, <br /> Glist'ring with dew; fragrant the fertile earth <br /> After soft showers; and sweet the coming on <br /> Of grateful ev'ning mild; then silent night <br /> With this her solemn bird and this fair moon, <br /> And these the gems of heaven, her starry train: <br /> But neither breath of morn when she ascends <br /> With charm of earliest birds, nor rising sun <br /> On this delightful land, nor herb, fruit, flower, <br /> Glist'ring with dew, nor fragrance after showers, <br /> Nor grateful ev'ning mild, nor silent night <br /> With this her solemn bird, nor walk by moon <br /> Or glittering starlight, without thee is sweet.
** Lines 639-656
* Millions of spiritual creatures walk the earth <br /> Unseen, both when we wake, and when we sleep.
** Lines 677-678
*In naked beauty more adorn'd, <br /> More lovely than Pandora.
**Line 713. Compare: "When unadorned, adorned the most", [[James Thomson]], ''Autumn'', line 204
* Eased the putting off <br /> These troublesome disguises which we wear.
** Lines 739-740
* Hail wedded love, mysterious law, true source <br /> Of human offspring.
** Lines 750-751
*Squat like a toad, close at the ear of Eve.
**Line 800
*Him thus intent Ithuriel with his spear <br /> Touch'd lightly; for no falsehood can endure <br /> Touch of celestial temper.
**Line 810
*Not to know me argues yourselves unknown, <br /> The lowest of your throng.
**Line 830
[[File:GuidoReni MichaelDefeatsSatan.jpg|thumb|Abashed the Devil stood, <br /> And felt how awful goodness is, and saw <br /> Virtue in her shape how lovely — saw, and pined<br />His loss.]]
* '''Abashed the Devil stood, <br /> And felt how awful goodness is, and saw <br /> Virtue in her shape how lovely; saw, and pined <br /> His loss.'''
** Lines 846-848
* Came not '''all hell broke loose?'''
** Line 918
*Like Teneriff or Atlas unremoved.
**Line 987
*The starry cope <br /> Of heaven.
**Line 992
*Fled <br /> Murmuring, and with him fled the shades of night.
**Line 1014
== Book V ==
*Now morn, her rosy steps in th' eastern clime <br /> Advancing, sow'd the earth with orient pearl, <br /> When Adam wak'd, so custom'd; for his sleep <br /> Was aery light, from pure digestion bred.
**Line 1
*Hung over her enamour'd, and beheld <br /> Beauty, which, whether waking or asleep, <br /> Shot forth peculiar graces.
**Line 13
*My latest found, <br /> Heaven's last, best gift, my ever new delight!
**Line 18
* '''Good, the more <br /> Communicated, more abundant grows.'''
** Lines 71-72.
* These are thy glorious works, Parent of good.
** Line 153
* Him first, him last, him midst, and without end.
** Line 165
*Fairest of stars, last in the train of night, <br /> If better thou belong not to the dawn.
**Line 166
* Fountains, and ye, that warble, as ye flow,<br />Melodious murmurs, warbling tune his praise.
** Line 195
*A wilderness of sweets.
**Line 294
*Another morn <br /> Ris'n on mid-noon.
**Line 310
* So saying, with dispatchful looks in haste <br /> She turns, on hospitable thoughts intent.
** Lines 331-332
* Nor jealousy <br /> Was understood, the injured lover's hell.
** Lines 449-450
*The bright consummate flower.
**Line 481
* '''Freely we serve, <br /> Because we freely love, as in our will <br /> To love or not; in this we stand or fall.'''
** Lines 538-540
* What if earth <br /> Be but the shadow of heaven, and things therein <br /> Each to other like, more than on earth is thought?
** Lines 574-576
*Thrones, Dominations, Princedoms, Virtues, Powers.
**Line 601
* All seemed well pleased, all seemed but were not all.
** Line 617
*They eat, they drink, and in communion sweet <br /> Quaff immortality and joy.
**Line 637
*Satan; so call him now, his former name <br /> Is heard no more in heaven.
**Line 658
*Midnight brought on the dusky hour <br /> Friendliest to sleep and silence.
**Line 667
*Innumerable as the stars of night, <br /> Or stars of morning, dewdrops which the sun <br /> Impearls on every leaf and every flower.
**Line 745
* Will ye submit your necks, and chuse to bend <br /> The supple knee? ye will not, if I trust <br /> To know ye right, or if ye know your selves <br /> Natives and Sons of Heav'n possest before <br /> By none, and if not equal all, yet free, <br /> Equally free; for Orders and Degrees <br /> Jarr not with liberty, but well consist. <br /> Who can in reason then or right assume <br /> Monarchie over such as live by right...
** Line 787
*So spake the seraph Abdiel, faithful found; <br /> Among the faithless, faithful only he.
**Line 896-897
== Book VI ==
* Morn, <br /> Waked by the circling hours, with rosy hand <br /> Unbarred the gates of light.
** Lines 2-4
* Servant of God, well done, well hast thou fought <br /> The better fight, who single hast maintained <br /> Against revolted multitudes the cause <br /> Of truth, in word mightier than they in arms.
** Lines 29-32
* How few somtimes may know, when thousands err.
** Line 148
*Arms on armour clashing bray'd <br /> Horrible discord, and the madding wheels <br /> Of brazen chariots rag'd: dire was the noise <br /> Of conflict.
**Line 209
*Spirits that live throughout, <br /> Vital in every part, not as frail man, <br /> In entrails, heart or head, liver or reins, <br /> Cannot but by annihilating die.
**Line 345
*Far off his coming shone.
**Line 768
* In heavenly spirits could such [[perverseness]] dwell?
** Line 788; compare: "Tantaene animis coelestibus irae?", [[Virgil]], ''Aeneid'', i. 16
== Book VII ==
* More safe I sing with mortal voice, unchanged <br /> To hoarse or mute, though fall'n, and evil tongues; <br /> In darkness, and with dangers compassed round, <br /> And solitude.
** Lines 24-28
*Still govern thou my song, <br /> Urania, and fit audience find, though few.
**Line 30
* Out of one man a race <br /> Of men innumerable.
** Lines 155-156
*Heaven open'd wide <br /> Her ever during gates, harmonious sound, <br /> On golden hinges moving.
**Line 205
* On heav'nly ground they stood, and from the shore<br />They view'd the vast immeasurable Abyss<br />Outrageous as a Sea, dark, wasteful, wilde,<br />Up from the bottom turn'd by furious windes<br />And surging waves, as Mountains to assault<br />Heav'ns highth, and with the Center mix the Pole.<br />"Silence, ye troubl'd waves, and thou Deep, peace!"<br />Said then th' Omnific Word, "Your discord end!"<br />Nor staid, but on the Wings of Cherubim<br />Uplifted, in Paternal Glorie rode<br />Farr into Chaos, and the World unborn;<br />For Chaos heard his voice: him all his Traine<br />Follow'd in bright procession to behold<br />Creation, and the wonders of his might.<br />Then staid the fervid Wheeles, and in his hand<br />He took the golden Compasses, prepar'd<br />In Gods Eternal store, to circumscribe<br />This Universe, and all created things:<br />One foot he center'd, and the other turn'd<br />Round through the vast profunditie obscure,<br />And said, "Thus farr extend, thus farr thy bounds,<br />This be thy just Circumference, O World!"
** Lines 210–231
*Hither, as to their fountain, other stars <br /> Repairing, in their golden urns draw light.
**Line 364
* There Leviathan <br /> Hugest of living creatures, on the deep <br /> Stretched like a promontory sleeps or swims, <br /> And seems a moving land, and at his gills <br /> Draws in, and at his trunk spouts out a sea.
** Lines 412-416
*Now half appear'd <br /> The tawny lion, pawing to get free <br /> His hinder parts.
**Line 463
*Indu'd <br /> With sanctity of reason.
**Line 507
* The planets in their stations list'ning stood, <br /> While the bright pomp ascended jubilant. <br /> Open, ye everlasting gates, they sung, <br /> Open ye heavens, your living doors; let in <br /> The great Creator from his work returned <br /> Magnificent, his six days' work, a world.
** Line 563-568
*A broad and ample road, whose dust is gold, <br /> And pavement stars,—as stars to thee appear <br /> Seen in the galaxy, that milky way <br /> Which nightly as a circling zone thou seest <br /> Powder'd with stars.
**Line 577
== Book VIII ==
* The angel ended, and in Adam's ear <br /> So charming left his voice that he awhile <br /> Thought him still speaking, still stood fixed to hear.
** Lines 1-3
*There swift return <br /> Diurnal, merely to officiate light <br /> Round this opacous earth, this punctual spot.
**Line 21
*And grace that won who saw to wish her stay.
**Line 43
*And touch'd by her fair tendance, gladlier grew.
**Line 47
*With centric and eccentric scribbled o'er, <br /> Cycle and epicycle, orb in orb.
**Line 83
*Her silent course advance <br /> With inoffensive pace, that spinning sleeps <br /> On her soft axle.
**Line 163
*Be lowly wise: <br /> Think only what concerns thee and thy being.
**Line 173
* To know <br /> That which before us lies in daily life <br /> Is the prime wisdom.
** Lines 192-194
*Liquid lapse of murmuring streams.
**Line 263
*And feel that I am happier than I know.
**Line 282
*Among unequals what society <br /> Can sort, what harmony, or true delight?
**Line 383
[[File:Angel of the Divine Presence Bringing Eve to Adam (The Creation of Eve- "And She Shall be Called Woman) (recto); Sketch for the same (verso) MET DP805381.jpg|thumb|Under his forming hands a creature grew,<br />Man-like, but different sex; so lovely fair,<br />That what seemed fair in all the world, seemed now<br />Mean, or in her summed up, in her contained<br />And in her looks; . . .<br />Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye, <br /> In every gesture dignity and love.]]
* Under his forming hands a creature grew,<br />Man-like, but different sex; so lovely fair,<br />That what seemed fair in all the world, seemed now<br />Mean, or in her summed up, in her contained<br />And in her looks; which from that time infused<br />Sweetness into my heart, unfelt before,<br />And into all things from her air inspired<br />The spirit of love and amorous delight.
** Lines 470–477
* '''Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eye, <br /> In every gesture dignity and love.'''
** Lines 488–489
* Her virtue and the conscience of her worth, <br /> That would be wooed, and not unsought be won.
** Lines 502-503
*She what was honour knew, <br /> And with obsequious majesty approv'd <br /> My pleaded reason. To the nuptial bower <br /> I led her blushing like the morn; all heaven <br /> And happy constellations on that hour <br /> Shed their selectest influence; the earth <br /> Gave sign of gratulation, and each hill; <br /> Joyous the birds; fresh gales and gentle airs <br /> Whisper'd it to the woods, and from their wings <br /> Flung rose, flung odours from the spicy shrub.
**Line 508
*The sum of earthly bliss.
**Line 522
[[File:The First Awakening of Eve by Valentine Cameron Prinsep.jpg|thumb|So absolute she seems <br /> And in herself complete, so well to know <br /> Her own, that what she wills to do or say, <br /> Seems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best.]]
* So absolute she seems <br /> And in herself complete, so well to know <br /> Her own, that what she wills to do or say, <br /> Seems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best.
** Lines 547–550
* Accuse not Nature: she hath done her part; <br /> Do thou but thine.
** Lines 561-62
* Ofttimes nothing profits more <br /> Than self-esteem, grounded on just and right <br /> Well managed.
** Lines 571-573. Compare: "But most of all respect thyself", a precept of the [[w:Pythagoreanism|Pythagoreans]], attributed to [[Pythagoras]].
*Those graceful acts, <br /> Those thousand decencies that daily flow <br /> From all her words and actions.
**Line 610
*With a smile that glow'd <br /> Celestial rosy red, love's proper hue.
**Line 618
== Book IX ==
*My unpremeditated verse.
**Line 24
*Pleas'd me, long choosing and beginning late.
**Line 26
*Not [[wikt:sedulous|sedulous]] by Nature to [[wikt:indite|indite]] <br /> Warrs, hitherto the onely Argument <br /> Heroic deem'd, chief [[wikt:maistrie|maistrie]] to dissect <br /> With long and tedious havoc fabl'd Knights <br /> In Battels feign'd; the better fortitude <br /> Of Patience and Heroic Martyrdom <br /> Unsung
**Lines 27-33
*Unless an age too late, or cold <br /> Climate, or years, damp my intended wing.
**Line 44
* The serpent subtlest beast of all the field.
** Line 86
* Revenge, at first though sweet, <br /> Bitter ere long back on itself recoils.
** Lines 171-72
*The work under our labour grows, <br /> Luxurious by restraint.
**Line 208
*Smiles from reason flow, <br /> To brute deny'd, and are of love the food.
**Line 239
* For solitude sometimes is best society, <br /> And short retirement urges sweet return.
** Lines 249-250
*At shut of evening flowers.
**Line 278
* Go in thy native innocence, rely <br /> On what thou hast of virtue; summon all! <br /> For God towards thee hath done his part, do thine.
** Lines 373–375
*As one who long in populous city pent, <br /> Where houses thick and sewers annoy the air.
**Line 445
*So gloz'd the tempter.
**Line 549
*Hope elevates, and joy <br /> Brightens his crest.
**Line 633
* God so commanded, and left that command <br /> Sole daughter of his voice; the rest, we live <br /> Law to ourselves, our reason is our law.
** Lines 652-654. Compare: "Stern daughter of the voice of God", [[William Wordsworth]], ''Ode to Duty''
[[File:William Blake - The Temptation and Fall of Eve (Illustration to Milton's "Paradise Lost") - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|Earth felt the wound, and Nature from her seat, <br /> Sighing through all her works, gave signs of woe <br /> That all was lost.]]
* Her rash hand in evil hour <br /> Forth reaching to the fruit, she plucked, she eat: <br /> Earth felt the wound, and Nature from her seat, <br /> Sighing through all her works, gave signs of woe <br /> That all was lost.
** Lines 780–784
* So dear I love him, that with him all deaths <br /> I could endure, without him live no life.
** Lines 832-833
* In her face excuse <br /> Came prologue, and apology too prompt.
** Line 853-854
* O fairest of creation! last and best <br /> Of all God's works! creature in whom excelled <br /> Whatever can to sight or thought be formed, <br /> Holy, divine, good, amiable, or sweet! <br /> How art thou lost, how on a sudden lost, <br /> Defaced, deflowered, and now to Death devote?
** Lines 896-901
* I feel <br /> The link of nature draw me: flesh of flesh, <br /> Bone of my bone thou art, and from thy state <br /> Mine never shall be parted, bliss or woe.
** Lines 913-916
* Our state cannot be severed; we are one, <br /> One flesh; to lose thee were to lose myself.
** Lines 958-959
*A pillar'd shade <br /> High overarch'd, and echoing walks between.
**Line 1106
* Thus it shall befall<br />Him who, to worth in women overtrusting,<br />Lets her will rule; restraint she will not brook,<br />And, left to herself, if evil thence ensue,<br />She first his weak indulgence will accuse.
** Lines 1182–1186
== Book X ==
* I shall temper so <br /> Justice with mercy.
** Lines 77-78
*So scented the grim Feature, and upturn'd <br /> His nostril wide into the murky air, <br /> Sagacious of his quarry from so far.
**Line 279
* Pandemonium, city and proud seat <br /> Of Lucifer.
** Lines 424-425
* A dismal universal hiss, the sound <br /> Of public scorn.
** Lines 508-509
* Death...on his pale horse.
** Line 588
* Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay <br /> To mould Me man? Did I solicit thee <br /> From darkness to promote me?
** Lines 743-745
*How gladly would I meet <br /> Mortality my sentence, and be earth <br /> Insensible! how glad would lay me down <br /> As in my mother's lap!
**Line 775
== Book XI ==
*Must I thus leave thee, Paradise?—thus leave <br /> Thee, native soil, these happy walks and shades?
**Line 269
*Then purg'd with euphrasy and rue <br /> The visual nerve, for he had much to see.
**Line 414
*Moping melancholy <br /> And moon-struck madness.
**Line 485
*And over them triumphant Death his dart <br /> Shook, but delay'd to strike, though oft invok'd.
**Line 491
*So may'st thou live, till like ripe fruit thou drop <br /> Into thy mother's lap.
**Line 535
* '''Nor love thy life, nor hate; but what thou liv'st <br /> Live well; how long or short permit to Heaven.'''
** Lines 553-554; compare: "''Summum nec metuas diem, nec optes''" (Translated: "Neither fear nor wish for your last day"), [[Martial]], lib. x. epigram 47, line 13
*A bevy of fair women.
**Line 582
* The evening star, <br /> Love's harbinger.
** Lines 588-589
*The brazen throat of war.
**Line 713
* For now I see <br /> Peace to corrupt no less than war to waste.
** Line 783-784
== Book XII ==
* In me is no delay; with thee to go, <br /> Is to stay here; without thee here to stay, <br /> Is to go hence unwilling; thou to me <br /> Art all things under heaven, all places thou, <br /> Who for my willful crime art banished hence.
** Lines 615-619
*Some natural tears they dropp'd, but wip'd them soon; <br /> The world was all before them, where to choose <br /> Their place of rest, and Providence their guide: <br /> They hand in hand with wand'ring steps and slow <br /> Through Eden took their solitary way.
** Lines 645-649
== Quotes about ''Paradise Lost'' ==
[[File:Portrait of Samuel Johnson ("Blinking Sam").jpg|thumb|The characteristic quality of [Milton's] poem is sublimity. He sometimes descends to the elegant, but his element is the great. He can occasionally invest himself with grace; but his natural port is gigantic loftiness. He can please when pleasure is required; but it is his peculiar power to astonish. —[[Samuel Johnson]]]]
:<small>Sorted alphabetically by author or source</small>
* The most important work of Milton is ''Paradise Lost''; his best work is [[w:Lycidas|''Lycidas'']].
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=uc2.ark:/13960/t1jh3p35c;view=1up;seq=210 ''George Bernard Shaw''] (1909), p. 204
* A poem which, considered with respect to design, may claim the first place, and with respect to performance the second, among the productions of the human mind.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], "The Life of Milton" in ''Lives of the English Poets'' (1781)
* The characteristic quality of [Milton's] poem is sublimity. He sometimes descends to the elegant, but his element is the great. He can occasionally invest himself with grace; but his natural port is gigantic loftiness. He can please when pleasure is required; but it is his peculiar power to astonish.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], "The Life of Milton"
* The want of human interest is always felt. ''Paradise Lost'' is one of the books which the reader admires and lays down, and forgets to take up again. None ever wished it longer than it is. Its perusal is a duty rather than a pleasure. We read Milton for instruction, retire harassed and overburdened, and look elsewhere for recreation; we desert our master, and seek for companions.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], "The Life of Milton"
*When I was seven, I had to copy, by hand, as a punishment, books one and two of Paradise Lost. By that time, I had already started to think of myself as rebellious, so of course I completely identified with Lucifer.
**[[Jamaica Kincaid]], [https://theparisreview.org/interviews/7879/the-art-of-fiction-no-252-jamaica-kincaid Interview] with ''The Paris Review'' (2022)
* A [[wiktionary:prerogative|prerogative]] place among the great [[wiktionary:epic|epic]]s of the [[world]] has sometimes been claimed for ''Paradise Lost'', on the ground that the [[w:Theme (narrative)|theme]] it handles is vaster and of a more universal [[w:Human interest|human interest]] than any handled by Milton's predecessors. It concerns itself with the [[fortune]]s, not of a [[city]] or an [[empire]], but of the whole human race, and with that particular event in the history of the race which has moulded all its destinies.
** [[Walter Raleigh (professor)|Walter Raleigh]], [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=mdp.39015031297644;view=1up;seq=97 ''Milton''] (1900), p. 81
*I love ''Paradise Lost''. It's so cataclysmic.
**[[Leslie Marmon Silko]], interview in ''Backtalk'' by Donna Marie Perry (1993)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource}}
*[http://www.dartmouth.edu/~milton/reading_room/pl/book_1/index.shtml The Milton Reading Room HTML version at Dartmouth]
*[https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/26 Project Gutenberg]
[[Category:Epic poetry]]
[[Category:Works by John Milton]]
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/* Black Holes and Baby Universes and Other Essays (1993) */
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[[File:Stephen Hawking.StarChild.jpg|right|thumb|For millions of years, [[mankind]] lived just like the [[animals]]. Then something happened which unleashed the [[power]] of our [[imagination]]. We [[learned]] to [[talk]] and we learned to [[listen]].]]
'''[[w:Stephen Hawking|Stephen William Hawking]]''' [[w:Order of the Companions of Honour|CH]] [[w:Order of the British Empire|CBE]] [[w:Royal Society|FRS]] ([[8 January]] [[1942]] - [[14 March]] [[2018]]) was a [[w:United Kingdom|British]] [[w:theoretical physics|theoretical physicist]], [[cosmologist]], author and Director of Research at the [[w:Centre for Theoretical Cosmology|Centre for Theoretical Cosmology]] within the [[University of Cambridge]].
His scientific works include a collaboration with [[Roger Penrose]] on [[w:Penrose–Hawking singularity theorems|gravitational singularity theorems]] in the framework of [[general relativity]] and the theoretical prediction that [[black hole]]s emit radiation, often called [[w:Hawking radiation|Hawking radiation]]. Hawking was the first to set out a theory of [[cosmology]] explained by a union of the general theory of relativity and [[quantum mechanics]]. He was a vigorous supporter of the [[w:many-worlds interpretation|many-worlds interpretation]] of quantum mechanics. Hawking was an Honorary [[w:Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts|Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts]] (FRSA), a lifetime member of the [[w:Pontifical Academy of Sciences|Pontifical Academy of Sciences]], and a recipient of the [[w:Presidential Medal of Freedom|Presidential Medal of Freedom]], the highest civilian award in the United States.
== Quotes ==
[[File:CMB_Timeline300_no_WMAP.jpg|right|thumb| Many people would claim that the boundary conditions are not part of [[physics]] but belong to [[metaphysics]] or [[religion]]. They would claim that [[nature]] had complete [[freedom]] to start the [[universe]] off any way it wanted. That may be so, but it could also have made it [[evolve]] in a completely arbitrary and random manner. Yet all the [[evidence]] is that it evolves in a regular way according to certain [[laws]]. It would therefore seem reasonable to suppose that there are also laws governing the boundary conditions.]]
[[File:PNG_transparency_demonstration_1.png|right|thumb| Consideration of black holes suggests, not only that God does play dice, but that he sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can't be seen.]]
[[File:Abell_520.PNG|right|thumb|We need something new. We can't predict what that will be or when we will find it because if we knew that, we would have found it already!]]
[[File:Operation_Upshot-Knothole_-_Badger_001.jpg|right|thumb|Although September 11 was horrible, it didn't threaten the survival of the human race, like nuclear weapons do.]]
[[File:Stanford_torus_under_construction.jpg|right|thumb|I don't think the human race will survive the next thousand years, unless we spread into space...]]
[[File:M51_whirlpool_galaxy_black_hole.jpg|right|thumb|I'm sorry to disappoint science fiction fans, but if information is preserved, there is no possibility of using black holes to travel to other universes. If you jump into a black hole, your mass energy will be returned to our universe but in a mangled form which contains the information about what you were like but in a state where it can not be easily recognized.]]
[[File:Tesseract2.gif|right|thumb|Equations are just the boring part of mathematics. I attempt to see things in terms of geometry.]]
[[File:Black hole - Messier 87 crop max res.jpg|thumb|[[Black holes]] ain't as black as they are painted. They are not the [[eternal]] [[prisons]] they were once thought. Things can get out of a black hole, both to the outside, and possibly to another [[universe]]. So if you [[feel]] you are in a black hole, don't [[Despair|give up]]. There's a way out.]]
[[File:Global_Distribution_of_Wealth_v3.svg|right|thumb|If [[Machine|machines]] produce everything we need, the outcome will depend on how things are distributed. Everyone can enjoy a life of luxurious [[leisure]] if the machine-produced [[wealth]] is shared, or most people can end up miserably poor if the machine-owners successfully [[Lobbying|lobby]] against [[wealth redistribution]]. So far, the trend seems to be toward the second option, with technology driving ever-increasing [[Economic inequality|inequality]].]]
: <small>in chronological order</small>
* The subject of this book is the structure of space-time on length-scales from 10<sup>-13</sup>cm, the radius of an elementary particle, up to 10<sup>28</sup>cm, the radius of the universe. ...we base our treatment on Einstein's General Theory of Relativity. This theory leads to two remarkable predictions about the universe: first, that the final fate of massive stars is to collapse behind an event horizon to form a 'black hole' which will contain a singularity; and secondly, that there is a singularity in our past which constitutes, in some sense, a beginning to the universe.
** with [[George F. R. Ellis|G.F.R. Ellis]], "The Large Scale Structure of Space-Time" (1973) Preface
* I regard [the [[wikipedia:Many-worlds interpretation|many worlds interpretation]]] as self-evidently correct. [T.F.: Yet some don't find it evident to ''them''selves.] Yeah, well, there are some people who spend an awful lot of time talking about the interpretation of quantum mechanics. My attitude — I would paraphrase [[Hermann Göring#Misattributed|Goering]]—is that '''when I hear of [[wikipedia:Schrödinger's cat|Schrödinger's cat]], I reach for my gun.'''
** In a conversation with [[wikipedia:Timothy Ferris|Timothy Ferris]] (4 April 1983), as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=qjYbQ7EBAKwC&lpg=PA345&ots=F6VWymjiPx&dq=%22reach%20for%20my%20revolver%22%20hawking%20-%22oft-made%22&pg=PA345#v=onepage&q=%22reach%20for%20my%20revolver%22%20hawking%20-%22oft-made%22&f=false ''The Whole Shebang'' (1998) by Timothy Ferris, p. 345]
** Heard in person by this contributor when Hawking showed-up in a Caltech physics class taught by Robert Christy in 1980 or '81; when asked about collapse of the state-vector he whispered to his assistant Chris (surname unknown) something at which point Chris stood up and said 'Stephen is paraphrasing Herman Göring by saying "When I hear the words 'Schrödinger's Cat' I reach for my gun."'.
* '''Many people would claim that the boundary conditions are not part of physics but belong to metaphysics or religion. They would claim that nature had complete freedom to start the universe off any way it wanted.''' That may be so, but it could also have made it evolve in a completely arbitrary and random manner. '''Yet all the evidence is that it evolves in a regular way according to certain laws. It would therefore seem reasonable to suppose that there are also laws governing the boundary conditions.'''
** "The Quantum State of the Universe", ''Nuclear Physics'' (1984) <!-- B239, p. 258 -->
* If you are disabled, it is probably not your fault, but it is no good blaming the world or expecting it to take pity on you. One has to have a positive attitude and must make the best of the situation that one finds oneself in; if one is physically disabled, one cannot afford to be ''psychologically'' disabled as well. In my opinion, one should concentrate on activities in which one's physical disability will not present a serious handicap. I am afraid that Olympic Games for the disabled do not appeal to me, but it is easy for me to say that because I never liked athletics anyway. On the other hand, science is a very good area for disabled people because it goes on mainly in the mind. Of course, most kinds of experimental work are probably ruled out for most such people, but theoretical work is almost ideal. My disabilities have not been a significant handicap in my field, which is theoretical physics. Indeed, they have helped me in a way by shielding me from lecturing and administrative work that I would otherwise have been involved in. I have managed, however, only because of the large amount of help I have received from my wife, children, colleagues and students. I find that people in general are very ready to help, but you should encourage them to feel that their efforts to aid you are worthwhile by doing as well as you possibly can.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=9LVFAAAAYAAJ&q=%22handicapped+people+and+science%22#search_anchor "Handicapped People and Science"] by Stephen Hawking, ''Science Digest'' 92, No. 9 (September 1984): 92 (details of citation from [http://www.enotes.com/stephen-hawking-criticism/hawking-stephen/further-reading here]).
* '''My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.'''
** As quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=lkntNIwunAAC&pg=PA77&dq=hawking+%22my+goal+is+simple%22&ei=q5HtSvCOIoLklQTU_cWhDA#v=onepage&q=hawking%20%22my%20goal%20is%20simple%22&f=false ''Stephen Hawking's Universe''] (1985) by John Boslough, Ch. 7 : The Final Question, p. 77
* '''There ought to be something very special about the boundary conditions of the universe and what can be more special than that there is no boundary?'''
** As quoted in ''The Anthropic Cosmological Principle'' (1986) by [[John D. Barrow]] and [[wikipedia:Frank J. Tipler|Frank J. Tipler]]. p. 444
* [[Albert Einstein|Einstein]] is the only figure in the physical sciences with a stature that can be compared with [[Isaac Newton|Newton]]. Newton is reported to have said "If I have seen further than other men, it is because I stood on the shoulders of giants." This remark is even more true of Einstein who stood on the shoulders of Newton. Both Newton and Einstein put forward a theory of [[wikipedia:mechanics|mechanics]] and a theory of [[wikipedia:gravity|gravity]] but Einstein was able to base [[wikipedia:General Relativity|General Relativity]] on the [[wikipedia:Riemannian_geometry|mathematical theory of curved spaces]] that had been constructed by [[wikipedia:Bernhard Riemann|Riemann]] while Newton had to develop [[wikipedia:differential calculus|his own mathematical machinery.]] It is therefore appropriate to acclaim Newton as the greatest figure in [[wikipedia:mathematical physics|mathematical physics]] and the ''[[wikipedia:Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica|Principia]]'' is his greatest achievement.
** "Newton's Principia" in ''300 Years of Gravitation.'' (1987) by S. W. Hawking and [[wikipedia:Werner Israel|W. Israel]], p. 4 <small>[[wikipedia:Cambridge University Press|Cambridge University Press]], [[wikipedia:Cambridge|Cambridge]] {{ISBN|0521343127}}</small>
* What I have done is to show that it is possible for the way the universe began to be determined by the laws of science. In that case, it would not be necessary to appeal to God to decide how the universe began. This doesn't prove that there is no God, only that God is not necessary.
** ''Der Spiegel'' (17 October 1988)
* We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
** ''Der Spiegel'' (17 October 1988)
* On seeing the Enterprise's warp engine while visiting the set of [[wikipedia:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]] (where he would briefly play himself in the 1993 episode [[wikipedia:Descent (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|Descent, Part I]]), Hawking smiled and said: '''I'm working on that.'''
** Quoted in ''The Star Trek Encyclopedia'' (1999) by Michael Okuda and Denise Okuda, p. 185
* '''For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk and we learned to listen.''' Speech has allowed the communication of ideas, enabling human beings to work together to build the impossible. '''Mankind's greatest achievements have come about by talking, and its greatest failures by not talking.''' ''It doesn't have to be like this.'' Our greatest hopes could become reality in the future. With the technology at our disposal, the possibilities are unbounded. All we need to do is make sure we keep talking.
** British Telecom advertisement (1993), part of which was used in [[wikipedia:Pink Floyd|Pink Floyd]]'s ''[[wikipedia:Keep Talking|Keep Talking]]'' (1994) and ''[[wikipedia:The Endless River|Talkin' Hawkin'<nowiki/>]]'' (2014)
* These lectures have shown very clearly the difference between [[Roger Penrose|Roger]] and me. He's a Platonist and I'm a positivist. He's worried that [[wikipedia:Schrödinger's cat|Schrödinger's cat]] is in a quantum state, where it is half alive and half dead. He feels that can't correspond to reality. But that doesn't bother me. I don't demand that a theory correspond to reality because I don't know what it is. Reality is not a quality you can test with litmus paper. All I'm concerned with is that the theory should predict the results of measurements. Quantum theory does this very successfully. It predicts that the result of an observation is either that the cat is alive or that it is dead. It is like you can't be slightly pregnant: you either are or you aren't.
** During a debate with Roger Penrose in 1994 at the Isaac Newton Institute for Mathematical Sciences at the University of Cambridge, transcribed in [http://books.google.com/books?id=LstaQTXP65cC&lpg=PP1&dq=nature%20of%20space%20and%20time&pg=PA121#v=onepage&q=&f=false ''The Nature of Space and Time'' (1996) by Stephen Hawking and Roger Penrose, p. 121]
* '''So [[Albert Einstein|Einstein]] was wrong when he said, "[[w:God_does_not_play_dice|God does not play dice]]." Consideration of black holes suggests, not only that God does play dice, but that he sometimes confuses us by throwing them where they can't be seen.'''
** During the same 1994 exchange with Penrose as the previous quote, transcribed in [http://books.google.com/books?id=LstaQTXP65cC&lpg=PA26&dq=hawking%20%22where%20they%20can't%20be%20seen%22&pg=PA26#v=onepage&q=&f=false ''The Nature of Space and Time'' (1996) by Stephen Hawking and Roger Penrose, p. 26] and also in [http://arxiv.org/abs/hep-th/9409195 "The Nature of Space and Time" (online text)]
** Unsourced variants: Not only does God play dice with the Universe; he sometimes casts them where they can't be seen. <br /> Not only does God play dice, but... he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen.
* '''I don't believe that the ultimate theory will come by steady work along existing lines. We need something new. We can't predict what that will be or when we will find it because if we knew that, we would have found it already!''' It could come in the next 20 years, but we might never find it.
** ''Science Watch'' (September 1994)
* The human race is just a chemical scum on a moderate-sized planet, orbiting around a very average star in the outer suburb of one among a hundred billion galaxies. We are so insignificant that I can't believe the whole universe exists for our benefit. That would be like saying that you would disappear if I closed my eyes.
** Interview with Ken Campbell on [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3aadgf0GH8 ''Reality on the Rocks: Beyond Our Ken'' (1995)]
* I think computer viruses should count as life … I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.
** Speech at Macworld Expo in Boston, as quoted in [http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=bD8PAAAAIBAJ&sjid=IoYDAAAAIBAJ&pg=4837%2C5338590 ''The Daily News'' (4 August 1994)]. A nearly identical quote can be found at the end of the second paragraph of his lecture [http://hawking.org.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=65 Life in the Universe] (1996).
* It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value.
** From the lecture [https://www.hawking.org.uk/in-words/lectures/life-in-the-universe] (1996)
* '''Einstein was confused, not the [[Quantum mechanics|quantum theory]].'''
** Lecture at the Amsterdam Symposium on Gravity, Black Holes, and String Theory (21 June 1997)
* All my life, I have been fascinated by the big questions that face us, and have tried to find scientific answers to them.
** From the 1997 television program [http://www.pbs.org/wnet/hawking/html/home.html ''Stephen Hawking's Universe'']
** Unsourced variant: '''All of my life, I have been fascinated by the big questions that face us, and have tried to find scientific answers to them. Perhaps that is why I have sold more books on physics than Madonna has on sex.''' This quote seems to combine the above sentence from ''Stephen Hawking's Universe'' with a statement from the Foreword to ''The Illustrated Brief History of Time'': '''As Nathan Myhrvold of Microsoft (a former post-doc of mine) remarked: I have sold more books on physics than Madonna has on sex.'''
* Thus it seems that even God is bound by the [[uncertainty principle]], and can not know both the position, and the speed, of a particle. So God does [[w:God_does_not_play_dice|play dice]] with the universe. All the evidence points to him being an inveterate gambler, who throws the dice on every possible occasion.
** Lecture "Does God Play Dice", 1999, hawking.org.uk
* The world has changed far more in the past 100 years than in any other century in history. The reason is not political or economic but technological — technologies that flowed directly from advances in basic science.
** From Hawking's article [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,993018-6,00.html A Brief History of Relativity], in ''Time'' magazine (31 December 1999)
* One might think this means that imaginary numbers are just a mathematical game having nothing to do with the real world. From the viewpoint of positivist philosophy, however, one cannot determine what is real. All one can do is find which mathematical models describe the universe we live in. It turns out that a mathematical model involving imaginary time predicts not only effects we have already observed but also effects we have not been able to measure yet nevertheless believe in for other reasons. '''So what is real and what is imaginary? Is the distinction just in our minds?'''
** ''[[wikipedia:The Universe in a Nutshell|The Universe in a Nutshell]]'' (2001), p. 59
* '''Although September 11 was horrible, it didn't threaten the survival of the human race, like nuclear weapons do.'''
** [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2001/10/16/nhawk16.xml&sSheet=/news/2001/10/16/ixhome.html Interview "Colonies in space may be only hope, says Hawking" by Roger Highfield in ''Daily Telegraph'' (16 October 2001)]
* '''I don't think the human race will survive the next thousand years, unless we spread into space. There are too many accidents that can befall life on a single planet. But I'm an optimist. We will reach out to the stars.'''
** "Colonies in space may be only hope, says Hawking" by Roger Highfield in ''Daily Telegraph'' (16 October 2001).
* We shouldn't be surprised that conditions in the universe are suitable for life, but this is not evidence that the universe was designed to allow for life. We could call order by the name of God, but it would be an impersonal God. There's not much personal about the laws of physics.
** Quoted in [http://reason.com/archives/2002/04/01/leaping-the-abyss/4 "Leaping the Abyss" (April 2002) by Gregory Benford, in ''Reason'' Magazine]
* ''[on the possibility of contact with an alien civilization]'': I think it would be a disaster. The extraterrestrials would probably be far in advance of us. The history of advanced races meeting more primitive people on this planet is not very happy, and they were the same species. I think we should keep our heads low.
** Appearance in the [[wikipedia:National Geographic Channel|National Geographic Channel]] program ''Naked Science: Alien Contact'', as quoted in [http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C00E2D8173EF937A15752C1A9629C8B63&sec=&spon= ''The New York Times'' (24 November 2004)] and [http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0411/26/acd.01.html a CNN transcript of an interview with Seth Shostak from ''Anderson Cooper 360'' (26 November 2004)]
* '''I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers.'''
** Response upon being questioned as to his [[wikipedia:IQ|IQ]], in interview with Deborah Solomon "The Science of Second-Guessing", ''The New York Times'' (12 December 2004)
* '''Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.'''
** As quoted in "The Science of Second-Guessing", ''The New York Times'' (12 December 2004)
* I am discounting reports of UFOs. Why would they appear only to cranks and weirdos?
** As quoted in a TED talk, "[http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/242 Asking Big Questions about the Universe]"
* '''My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.'''
** As quoted in "The Science of Second-Guessing", ''The New York Times'' (12 December 2004)
** Unsourced variant: "When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have."
* The life we have on Earth must have spontaneously generated itself. It must therefore be possible for life to generate spontaneously elsewhere in the universe.
** From an appearance in the [[wikipedia:Discovery Channel|Discovery Channel]] program ''[[wikipedia:Alien Planet|Alien Planet]]'' (14 May 2005)
* I'm sorry to disappoint science fiction fans, but if information is preserved, there is no possibility of using black holes to travel to other universes. If you jump into a black hole, your mass energy will be returned to our universe but in a mangled form which contains the information about what you were like but in a state where it can not be easily recognized. It is like burning an encyclopedia. Information is not lost, if one keeps the smoke and the ashes. But it is difficult to read. In practice, it would be too difficult to re-build a macroscopic object like an encyclopedia that fell inside a black hole from information in the radiation, but the information preserving result is important for microscopic processes involving virtual black holes.
** [http://arxiv.org/abs/hep-th/0507171 "Information Loss in Black Holes"] (July 2005)
* Evolution has ensured that our brains just aren't equipped to visualise 11 dimensions directly. However, from a purely mathematical point of view it's just as easy to think in 11 dimensions, as it is to think in three or four.
** As quoted in [http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/scienceandnature/story/0,6000,1579384,00.html "Return of the time lord" in ''The Guardian''] (27 September 2005)
* I think that it's important for scientists to explain their work, particularly in cosmology. This now answers many questions once asked of religion.
** As quoted in "Return of the time lord" in ''The Guardian'' (27 September 2005)
* '''It is a waste of time to be angry about my disability. One has to get on with life and I haven't done badly. People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.'''
** As quoted in "Return of the time lord" in ''The Guardian'' (27 September 2005)
* Equations are just the boring part of mathematics. I attempt to see things in terms of geometry.
** As quoted in ''Stephen Hawking: A Biography'' (2005) by Kristine Larsen, p. 43
* '''The victim should have the right to end his life, if he wants. But I think it would be a great mistake. However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. While there's life, there is hope.'''
** On voluntary euthanasia as quoted in [http://english.people.com.cn/200606/14/eng20060614_273839.html ''People's Daily Online'' (14 June 2006)]
* The danger is that global warming may become self-sustaining, if it has not done so already. The melting of the Arctic and Antarctic ice caps reduces the fraction of solar energy reflected back into space, and so increases the temperature further. Climate change may kill off the Amazon and other rain forests, and so eliminate once one of the main ways in which carbon dioxide is removed from the atmosphere. The rise in sea temperature may trigger the release of large quantities of carbon dioxide, trapped as hydrides on the ocean floor. Both these phenomena would increase the greenhouse effect, and so global warming further. We have to reverse global warming urgently, if we still can.
** ABC News interview (16 August 2006)
* As scientists, we understand the dangers of nuclear weapons and their devastating effects, and we are learning how human activities and technologies are affecting climate systems in ways that may forever change life on Earth. As citizens of the world, we have a duty to alert the public to the unnecessary risks that we live with every day, and to the perils we foresee if governments and societies do not take action now to render nuclear weapons obsolete and to prevent further climate change... There’s a realization that we are changing our climate for the worse. That would have catastrophic effects. Although the threat is not as dire as that of nuclear weapons right now, in the long term we are looking at a serious threat.
** At a press conference for the [[wikipedia:Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists|Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists]], as the [[wikipedia:Doomsday Clock|Doomsday Clock]] is moved forward by two minutes to five minutes to midnight, as quoted in [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16670686/ "Nukes, climate push 'Doomsday Clock' forward" MSNBC] (1 January 2007)
* '''The downside of my celebrity is that I cannot go anywhere in the world without being recognized. It is not enough for me to wear dark sunglasses and a wig. The wheelchair gives me away.'''
** Interview on Israeli television, as quoted in [http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/news/article/37695.html "Happy 65th Birthday to Prof. Stephen Hawking!" at StarTrek.com (8 January 2007)]
* I'm not religious in the normal sense. I believe the universe is governed by the laws of science. The laws may have been decreed by God, but God does not intervene to break the laws.
** Quoted in [http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn11722-stephen-hawking-prepares-for-weightless-flight.html "Stephen Hawking prepares for weightless flight", ''New Scientist'' (26 April 2007)]
* The zero-G part was wonderful and the higher-G part was no problem. I could have gone on and on. Space, here I come!
** After completing a zero-gravity flight in a specially modified plane, as quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/6594821.stm "Hawking takes zero-gravity flight" ''BBC News'' (27 April 2007)]
* In a world that is in chaos politically, socially and environmentally, how can the human race sustain another 100 years?
** Open question, posted to the Internet, as quoted in ''The Guardian'', and "Watching the World" in ''Awake!'' magazine (June 2007); a month after posting the question he explained: I don’t know the answer. That is why I asked the question, to get people to think about it, and to be aware of the dangers we now face.
* To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.
** Foreword to ''The Physics of Star Trek'' by Lawrence Krauss (2007), [http://books.google.com/books?id=NEhSpZFWiBMC&lpg=PP1&pg=PR13#v=onepage&q&f=false p. xiii]
* I imagine what happens to human consciousness when we die is much like turning off a computer. I don’t believe in a heaven for computers. I think the after-life is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.
** Answering a question by [[Pik Botha]] about [https://nextchurch.wordpress.com/2009/02/03/life-after-death-watch-5050-on-9-feb/ the fate of human consciousness at death], ''50/50'' (7 July 2008)
* '''There is a fundamental difference between religion, which is based on authority and science, which is based on observation and reason. Science will win, because it works.'''
** Interview with [[Diane Sawyer]], as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/WN/Technology/stephen-hawking-religion-science-win/story?id=10830164 "Stephen Hawking on Religion: 'Science Will Win'" on ''ABC World News'' (7 June 2010)]
* '''I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm in no hurry to die.''' I have so much I want to do first ... I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.
** As quoted in [http://www.theguardian.com/science/2011/may/15/stephen-hawking-interview-there-is-no-heaven "Stephen Hawking: 'There is no heaven; it's a fairy story'" by Ian Sample, in ''The Guardian'' (15 May 2011)]
* '''The Dreams that Stuff is Made of'''
** Title of a collection, by Hawking, of the most significant papers in [[Quantum mechanics]]: ''The Dreams That Stuff Is Made of : The Most Astounding Papers of Quantum Physics and How They Shook the Scientific World'' (2011)
* We should seek the greatest value of our action.
** Response to a question on how we should live, in an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The Guardian|The Guardian]]'' (15 May 2011)
* '''Science predicts that many different kinds of universe will be spontaneously created out of nothing. It is a matter of chance which we are in.'''
** Interview with ''[[wikipedia:The Guardian|The Guardian]]'' (15 May 2011)
* I used to think that information was destroyed in black holes. But the [[wikipedia:AdS/CFT correspondence|AdS/CFT correspondence]] led me to change my mind. This was my biggest blunder, or at least my biggest blunder in science.
** [http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg21328460.500-stephen-hawking-at-70-exclusive-interview.html "Stephen Hawking at 70: Exclusive interview"] in ''New Scientist'', (4 January 2012). In his comment that he "used to think that information was destroyed in black holes", he is referring to the [[wikipedia:Black hole information paradox|black hole information paradox]].
* Women. They are a complete mystery.
** Response when asked what he thinks about most during the day, [http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg21328460.500-stephen-hawking-at-70-exclusive-interview.html "Stephen Hawking at 70: Exclusive interview"] in ''New Scientist'' (4 January 2012)
* I believe that disabled people should concentrate on things that their handicap doesn’t prevent them from doing and not regret those they can’t do … I visited the Soviet Union seven times. The first time I went with a student party in which one member, a Baptist, wished to distribute Russian-language Bibles and asked us to smuggle them in. We managed this undetected, but by the time we were on our way out the authorities had discovered what we had done and detained us for a while. However, to charge us with smuggling Bibles would have caused an international incident and unfavorable publicity, so they let us go after a few hours.
** [http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/2013/09/stephen-hawking-detained-in-russia-for-bible-smuggling/]
* The development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of the human race. We cannot quite know what will happen if a machine exceeds our own intelligence, so we can't know if we'll be infinitely helped by it, or ignored by it and sidelined, or conceivably destroyed by it.
** [http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-30290540 ''BBC'' (2 December 2014)]
* '''Black holes ain't as black as they are painted. They are not the eternal prisons they were once thought.''' Things can get out of a black hole, both to the outside, and possibly to another universe. '''So if you feel you are in a black hole, don't give up. There's a way out.'''
** [http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/radio4/transcripts/2015_Reith_Lecture_Hawking_ep2.pdf Reith Lecture 2 : Black holes ain’t as black as they are painted (2015)] · [https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06qjzv8 BBC Radio 4 audio file]
* If [[Machine|machines]] produce everything we need, the outcome will depend on how things are distributed. Everyone can enjoy a life of luxurious [[leisure]] if the machine-produced [[wealth]] is shared, or most people can end up miserably poor if the machine-owners successfully [[Lobbying|lobby]] against [[wealth redistribution]]. So far, the trend seems to be toward the second option, with technology driving ever-increasing [[Economic inequality|inequality]].
** [https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/3nyn5i/science_ama_series_stephen_hawking_ama_answers/cvsdmkv/ "Science AMA Series: Stephen Hawking AMA Answers!", ''reddit.com'' (8 October 2015)]; also quoted in [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/stephen-hawking-capitalism-robots_us_5616c20ce4b0dbb8000d9f15 "Stephen Hawking Says We Should Really Be Scared Of Capitalism, Not Robots" ''Huffington Post'' (8 October 2015)]
=== ''[[wikipedia:A Brief History of Time|A Brief History of Time]]'' (1988) ===
[[File:Hoag's_object.jpg|right|thumb|The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.]]
[[File:CL0024+17.jpg|right|thumb|I still believe there are grounds for cautious optimism that we may now be near the end of the search for the ultimate laws of nature.]]
* Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. I therefore resolved not to have any equations at all. In the end, however, I ''did'' put in one equation, [[Albert Einstein|Einstein]]'s famous equation, <math>E = mc^2</math>. I hope that this will not scare off half of my potential readers.
** vi-vii
* '''Any physical theory is always provisional, in the sense that it is only a hypothesis: you can never prove it. No matter how many times the results of experiments agree with some theory, you can never be sure that the next time the result will not contradict the theory.''' On the other hand, you can disprove a theory by finding even a single observation that disagrees with the predictions of the theory. As philosopher of science [[Karl Popper]] has emphasized, a good theory is characterized by the fact that it makes a number of predictions that could in principle be disproved or falsified by observation. '''Each time new experiments are observed to agree with the predictions the theory survives, and our confidence in it is increased; but if ever a new observation is found to disagree, we have to abandon or modify the theory.'''
** p. 10
* '''It has certainly been true in the past that what we call intelligence and scientific discovery have conveyed a survival advantage. It is not so clear that this is still the case: our scientific discoveries may well destroy us all, and even if they don’t, a complete unified theory may not make much difference to our chances of survival.''' However, provided the universe has evolved in a regular way, we might expect that the reasoning abilities that natural selection has given us would be valid also in our search for a complete unified theory, and so would not lead us to the wrong conclusions.
** p. 13
* Bodies like the earth are not made to move on curved orbits by a force called gravity; instead, they follow the nearest thing to a straight path in a curved space, which is called a geodesic. A [[geodesic]] is the shortest (or longest) path between two nearby points.
** p. 29
* '''The whole history of science has been the gradual realization that events do not happen in an arbitrary manner, but that they reflect a certain underlying order, which may or may not be divinely inspired.'''
** p. 122
* The laws of science, as we know them at present, contain many fundamental numbers, like the size of the electric charge of the electron and the ratio of the masses of the proton and the electron. ... The remarkable fact is that the values of these numbers seem to have been [[Fine-tuned universe|very finely adjusted to make possible the development of life]].
** p. 125
* '''[[Galileo Galilei|Galileo]], perhaps more than any other single person, was responsible for the birth of modern science.'''
** p. 179
* One could say: '''"The boundary condition of the universe is that it has no boundary."''' The universe would be completely self-contained and not affected by anything outside itself. It would neither be created nor destroyed. It would just BE.
** p. 136
* Just like a computer, we must remember things in the order in which [[Entropy (thermodynamics)|entropy]] increases. This makes the second law of [[thermodynamics]] almost trivial. '''Disorder increases with time because we measure time in the direction in which disorder increases.''' You can’t have a safer bet than that!
** p. 147
* As I shall describe, the prospects for finding such a theory seem to be much better now because we know so much more about the universe. But we must beware of overconfidence - we have had false dawns before! At the beginning of this century, for example, it was thought that everything could be explained in terms of the properties of continuous matter, such as elasticity and heat conduction. The discovery of atomic structure and the [[uncertainty principle]] put an emphatic end to that. Then again, in 1928, physicist and Nobel Prize winner [[Max Born]] told a group of visitors to Gottingen University, "Physics, as we know it, will be over in six months." His confidence was based on the recent discovery by [[Paul Dirac|Dirac]] of the equation that governed the electron. It was thought that a similar equation would govern the proton, which was the only other particle known at the time, and that would be the end of theoretical physics. However, the discovery of the neutron and of nuclear forces knocked that one on the head too. Having said this, '''I still believe there are grounds for cautious optimism that we may now be near the end of the search for the ultimate laws of nature.'''
** p. 156
* Maybe that is our mistake: maybe there are no particle positions and velocities, but only waves. It is just that we try to fit the waves to our preconceived ideas of positions and velocities. The resulting mismatch is the cause of the apparent unpredictability.
** p. 173
* Even if there is only one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. '''What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makes a universe for them to describe? The usual approach of science of constructing a mathematical model cannot answer the questions of why there should be a universe for the model to describe.''' Why does the universe go to all the bother of existing?
** p. 174
=== ''[[wikipedia:Black Holes and Baby Universes and Other Essays|Black Holes and Baby Universes and Other Essays]]'' (1993) ===
[[File:BH LMC.png|thumb|If we do discover a complete theory, it should in time be understandable in broad principle by everyone, not just a few scientists. Then we shall all, philosophers, scientists, and just ordinary people, be able to take part in the discussion of the question of why it is that we and the universe exist.]]
* The ultimate objective test of free will would seem to be: Can one predict the behavior of the organism? If one can, then it clearly doesn't have free will but is predetermined. On the other hand, if one cannot predict the behavior, one could take that as an operational definition that the organism has free will … The real reason why we cannot predict [[human behavior]] is that it is just too difficult. We already know the basic physical laws that govern the activity of the brain, and they are comparatively simple. But it is just too hard to solve the equations when there are more than a few particles involved … So although we know the fundamental equations that govern the brain, we are quite unable to use them to predict human behavior. This situation arises in science whenever we deal with the macroscopic system, because the number of particles is always too large for there to be any chance of solving the fundamental equations. What we do instead is use effective theories. These are approximations in which the very large number of particles are replaced by a few quantities. An example is fluid mechanics … I want to suggest that the concept of free will and moral responsibility for our actions are really an effective theory in the sense of fluid mechanics. It may be that everything we do is determined by some grand unified theory. If that theory has determined that we shall die by hanging, then we shall not drown. But you would have to be awfully sure that you were destined for the gallows to put to sea in a small boat during a storm. '''I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.''' … One cannot base one's conduct on the idea that everything is determined, because one does not know what has been determined. Instead, one has to adopt the effective theory that one has free will and that one is responsible for one's actions. This theory is not very good at predicting human behavior, but we adopt it because there is no chance of solving the equations arising from the fundamental laws. There is also a Darwinian reason that we believe in free will: A society in which the individual feels responsible for his or her actions is more likely to work together and survive to spread its values.
** pp. 133–135.
* '''If we do discover a complete theory, it should in time be understandable in broad principle by everyone, not just a few scientists. Then we shall all, philosophers, scientists, and just ordinary people, be able to take part in the discussion of the question of why it is that we and the universe exist. If we find the answer to that, it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason — for then we would know the mind of God.'''
** Last lines. Hawking later wrote: "In the proof stage I nearly cut the last sentence in the book... Had I done so, the sales might have been halved.
* [[Science]] could predict that the [[universe]] must have had a beginning.
=== ''The Beginning of Time'' (1996) ===
: <small>[http://www.hawking.org.uk/the-beginning-of-time.html Online text]</small>
[[File:Glass_tesseract_animation.gif|right|thumb|To show this [[diagram]] properly, I would really need a four dimensional screen. However, because of government cuts, we could manage to provide only a two dimensional screen.]]
* When I gave a lecture in Japan, I was asked not to mention the possible re-collapse of the universe, because it might affect the stock market. However, I can re-assure anyone who is nervous about their investments that it is a bit early to sell: even if the universe does come to an end, it won't be for at least twenty billion years. By that time, maybe the [[wikipedia:General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade|GATT trade agreement]] will have come into effect.
* The Steady State theory was what [[Karl Popper]] would call a good scientific theory: it made definite predictions, which could be tested by observation, and possibly falsified. Unfortunately for the theory, they were falsified.
* '''To show this [[diagram]] properly, I would really need a four dimensional screen. However, because of government cuts, we could manage to provide only a two dimensional screen.'''
* The universe would have expanded in a smooth way from a single point. As it expanded, it would have borrowed energy from the gravitational field, to create matter. As any economist could have predicted, the result of all that borrowing, was inflation. The universe expanded and borrowed at an ever-increasing rate. Fortunately, the debt of gravitational energy will not have to be repaid until the end of the universe.
=== ''[[w:The Universe in a Nutshell|The Universe in a Nutshell]]'' (2001) ===
* We hold these truths to be self-evident that all P-brains are created equal.
=== ''[[wikipedia:God Created the Integers|God Created the Integers]]'' (2007) ===
<small>Full title: ''God Created the Integers: The Mathematical Breakthroughs That Changed History'' (2007).</small>
* Mathematics is more than a tool and language for science. It is also an end in itself, and as such, it has, over the centuries, affected our worldview in its own right.
** Preface
=== ''[[wikipedia:Into The Universe with Stephen Hawking|Into The Universe with Stephen Hawking]]'' (2010) ===
* '''So next time someone complains that you have made a mistake, tell him that may be a good thing. Because without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.'''
* If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when [[Christopher Columbus|Columbus]] landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans. … '''We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet.'''
** Also quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8642558.stm "Stephen Hawking warns over making contact with aliens"] at ''[[w:BBC News|BBC News]]'' (25 April 2010).
=== ''[[wikipedia:The Grand Design (book)|The Grand Design]]'' (2010) ===
* '''Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist. It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going.'''
=== ''[[wikipedia:Curiosity (TV series)|Curiosity]]'' (2011) ===
* We are each free to believe what we want and it is my view that the simplest explanation is there is no God. No one created the universe and no one directs our fate. This leads me to a profound realization. There is probably no heaven, and no afterlife either. We have this one life to appreciate the grand design of the universe, and for that, I am extremely grateful. (Quoted from the [[wikipedia:Discovery Channel|Discovery Channel]], 15 August 2011.)
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L7VTdzuY7Y "Stephen Hawking There is no God. There is no Fate." from episode 1] · {{cite web|title=Curiosity: Did God Create the Universe?|url=http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/curiosity/topics/did-god-create-the-universe.htm|publisher=Discovery Communications, LLC.|date=7 August 2011|accessdate=4 July 2013}}
=== ''[[wikipedia:Hawking (2013 film)|Hawking]]'' (2013) ===
* '''We are all different — but we share the same human spirit. Perhaps it's human nature that we adapt — and survive.'''
** Official Trailer<!-- DEAD LINK ** {{cite web |last=Hawking |first=Stephen |title=Hawking (2013) - Official Trailer (02:12) |url=
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnePdPmxjtE |date=18 July 2013 |work=[[w:YouTube|YouTube]] |accessdate=14 September 2013 }} -->
=== ''[[w:Brief Answers to the Big Questions|Brief Answers to the Big Questions]]'' (2018) ===
* If you like, you can call the laws of science 'God', but it wouldn't be a personal God that you would meet and put questions to. Although, if there were such a God, I would like to ask however did he think of anything as complicated as [[w:M-theory|M-theory]] in eleven dimensions.
** Ch. 1 "Is there a God?", pp. 36
* It is a matter of common experience that things get more disordered and chaotic with time. This observation even has its own law, the so-called [[w:second law of thermodynamics|second law of thermodynamics]].
** Ch. 3 "Is there other intelligent life in the universe?", pp. 67
* I discount suggestions that [[UFO]]s contain beings from outer space, as I think that any visits by aliens would be much more obvious - and probably also much more unpleasant.
** Ch. 3 "Is there other intelligent life in the universe?", pp. 83
* It is not even clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value.
** Ch. 3 "Is there other intelligent life in the universe?", pp. 84
* <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Max Planck|Planck]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> said instead [of possibility that amount of radiation could have just any value] that [[w:radiation|radiation]] came only in packets or [[w:quantum|quanta]] of a certain size. It is a bit like saying that you can't buy sugar loose in the supermarket, it has to be in kilogram bags.
** Ch. 4 "Can we predict the future?", pp. 92
* If one made a research grant application to work on [[w:time travel|time travel]] it would be dismissed immediately. No government agency could afford to be seen to be spending public money on anything as way out as time travel. Instead one has to use technical terms like closed time-like curves, which are code for time travel.
** Ch. 6 "Is time travel possible?", pp. 133
* I regard it as almost inevitable that either a nuclear confrontation or environmental catastrophe will cripple the Earth at some point in the next 1,000 years which, as [[w:geology|geological]] time goes, is the mere blink of an eye. By then I hope and believe that our ingenious race will have found a way to slip the surly bonds of Earth and will therefore survive the disaster.
** Ch. 7 "Will we survive on Earth?", pp. 150
* With current technology interstellar travel is utterly impractical. [[w:Alpha Centauri|Alpha Centauri]] can never become a holiday destination.
** Ch. 8 "Should we colonize space?", pp. 174
* It's tempting to dismiss the notion of highly intelligent machines as mere [[science fiction]], but this would be a mistake, and potentially our worst mistake ever.
** Ch. 9 "Will artificial intelligence outsmart us?", pp. 184
* If a superior [[w:Extraterrestrial life|alien civilisation]] sent us a text message saying, 'We'll arrive in a few decades', would we just reply, 'OK, call us when you get here, we'll leave the lights on'? Probably not, but this is more or less what has happened with [[artificial intelligence|AI]].
** Ch. 9 "Will artificial intelligence outsmart us?", pp. 188
{{Disputed begin}}
== Attributed ==
* It matters if you don't just give up.
** Attributed in [http://books.google.com/books?id=buVs1VVUZakC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA303#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Going Within'' (1990)] by [[w:Shirley MacLaine|Shirley MacLaine]], p. 303
{{Disputed end}}
{{Misattributed begin}}
==Misattributed==
* I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was able to reason.
** [[Plato]], ''The Republic'', Book VII, 531-E
* The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance. It is the illusion of knowledge.
** Sometimes attributed to Hawking without a source, but originally from historian [[Daniel J. Boorstin]]. It appears in different forms in ''The Discoverers'' (1983), ''Cleopatra's Nose'' (1995), and introduction to ''The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'' (1995)
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Hawking ==
* In the year 1900 [[Max Planck]] wrote... <math>E = hv</math>, where <math>E</math> is the [[energy]] of a light wave, <math>v</math> is its {{w|frequency}}, and <math>h</math> is... {{w|Plank's constant}}. It said that energy and frequency are the same thing measured in different units. Plank's constant gives you a rate of exchange for for converting frequency into energy... But in the year 1900 this made no physical sense. Even Plank himself did not understand it. ...Now Hawking has written down an equation which looks rather like Plank's equation... <math>S = kA</math>, where <math>S</math> is the [[entropy]] of a [[black hole]], <math>A</math> is the area of its surface, and <math>k</math> is... Hawking's constant. Entropy means roughly the same thing as the {{w|heat capacity}} of an object. ...Hawking's equation says that entropy is really the same thing as area. The exchange rate... is given by Hawking's constant... But what does it really mean to say that entropy and area are the same thing? We are as far away from understanding that now as Planck was of understanding [[quantum mechanics]] in 1900. ...[T]his equation will emerge as a central feature of the still unborn theory which will tie together [[gravitation]] and quantum mechanics and [[thermodynamics]].
** [[Freeman Dyson]], ''[[w:Infinite in All Directions|Infinite in All Directions]]: Gifford Lectures given at Aberdeen, Scotland April-November 1985'' (1988) pp. 21-22 (paperback, 1989).
* A few years ago, I had the good fortune to be lecturing in Tokyo at the same time as the cosmologist Stephen Hawking. Walking the streets of Tokyo with Hawking in his wheelchair was an amazing experience. I felt as if I were taking a walk through [[w:Galilee|Galilee]] with [[Jesus Christ]]. Everywhere we went, crowds of Japanese silently streamed after us, stretching out their hands to touch Hawking's wheelchair. Hawking enjoyed the spectacle with detached good humor. I was thinking of an account that I had read of Einstein's visit to Japan in 1922. The crowds had streamed after Einstein as they streamed after Hawking seventy years later.
** [[Freeman Dyson]], [https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Ultimate_Quotable_Einstein.html?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&pg=PR15 Foreword to ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein''] (2010), p. xv.
* On the whole, the public shows good taste in its choice of idols. [[Einstein]] and Hawking earned their status as superstars, not only by their scientific discoveries but by their outstanding human qualities. Both of them fit easily into the role of icon, responding to public adoration with modesty and good humor and with provocative statements calculated to command attention. Both of them devoted their lives to an uncompromising struggle to penetrate the deepest mysteries of nature, and both still had time left over to care about the practical worries of ordinary people. The public rightly judged them to be genuine heroes, friends of humanity as well as scientific wizards.
** [[Freeman Dyson]], "The ‘Dramatic Picture’ of Richard Feynman", ''The New York Review of Books'' (July 14, 2011)
* Hawking's intitial foray into quantum gravity was more modest than [[John Archibald Wheeler|Wheeler]]'s and other[s]... a sneak approach. He first wanted to know what the effect was of an ordinary, classic, curved-space gravitational field on a quantum system. He called this the semiclassical approach. Until that day, most quantum calculations had been done as if gravity didn't exist — they were hard enough without it in normal flat [[Spacetime|space-time]]... [Hawking accomplished this by] envisioning an "atom" whose nucleus was a catastrophically powerful [[w:Black hole|black hole]]... [[w:Alexei Starobinsky|Starobinsky]] ventured the opinion that [[w:Rotating black hole|rotating black holes]] would spray elementary particles. ...It was known from [[Roger Penrose|Penrose]]'s work, among others, that you could extract energy from the spin of a black hole just like any other dynamo... in particles and radiation just like it did from a [[w:Particle accelerator|particle generator]]. ... But Hawking ... resolved to redo the calculation for himself ...he decided to warm up first, by calculating the rate of emission from a nonrotating quantum hole. He knew the answer should be no emission. ... his results were embarrassing. His imaginary black hole was spewing matter and radiation ... he was reluctant to tell anybody but his closest friends; he was afraid [[w:Jacob Bekenstein|Bekenstein]] would hear about it. ... It meant that holes had temperatures, just as Bekenstein's work implied.
** [[Dennis Overbye]], ''Lonely Hearts of the Cosmos: The Scientific Quest for the Secrets of the Universe'' (1992)
== External links ==
{{Wikinews|Category:Stephen Hawking}}
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* [http://www.hawking.org.uk/ Hawking's website]
*[https://stephenhawkingfoundation.org/ Stephen Hawking Foundation]
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[[Category:Atheists from England]]
[[Category:People from Oxford]]
[[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Wolf Prize in Physics laureates]]
[[Category:University of Cambridge alumni]]
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Thomas Browne
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[[File:Sir Thomas Browne by Joan Carlile.jpg|thumb|right| I could never divide myself from any [[man]] upon the difference of an [[opinion]], or be [[angry]] with his [[judgement]] for not agreeing with me in that, from which perhaps within a few days I should dissent myself.]]
'''[[w:Thomas Browne|Sir Thomas Browne]]''', MD ([[19 October]] [[1605]] – [[19 October]] [[1682]]) was an English author of varied works which disclose his wide learning in diverse fields including medicine, religion, science and the esoteric.
== Quotes ==
* When we desire to confine our words, we commonly say they are spoken under the rose.
** Pseudodoxia Epidemica Book 5, Ch. 22, sect. 6
* Who will not commend the wit of astrology? Venus, born out of the sea, hath her exaltation in Pisces.
** [[s:Commonplace notebooks|Commonplace notebooks]], Part I
=== ''[[w:Religio Medici|Religio Medici]]'' (1643) ===
[[File:Caduceus color.svg|thumb|right|The severe Schools shall never [[laugh]] me out of the [[Philosophy]] of ''[[w:Hermeticism|Hermes]],'' that this visible [[world]] is but a picture of the invisible.]]
==== Part I ====
* I could never divide myself from any man upon the difference of an opinion, or be angry with his judgement for not agreeing with me in that, from which perhaps within a few days I should dissent myself.
** Section 6
* A man may be in as just possession of Truth as of a City, and yet be forced to surrender.
** Section 6
* Rich with the spoils of Nature.
** Section 8
* I love to lose myself in a mystery to pursue my reason to an ''O altitudo.''
** Section 9
* I have often admired the mystical way of ''Pythagoras,'' and the secret Magic of numbers.
** Section 12
* The severe Schools shall never laugh me out of the Philosophy of ''[[w:Hermeticism|Hermes]],'' that this visible world is but a picture of the invisible.
** Section 12
* We carry with us the wonders, we seek without us: There is all ''Africa,'' and her prodigies in us; we are that bold and adventurous piece of nature, which he that studies, wisely learns in a ''compendium,'' what others labour at in a divided piece and endless volume.
** Section 15
* Art is the perfection of nature.
** Section 16
* All things are artificial, for nature is the Art of God.
** Section 16
* Obstinacy in a bad cause, is but constancy in a good.
** Section 25
* Persecution is a bad and indirect way to plant Religion.
** Section 25
* Thus is man that great and true ''Amphibium,'' whose nature is disposed to live not only like other creatures in diverse elements, but in divided and distinguished worlds.
** Section 34
* This reasonable moderator, and equal piece of justice, Death.
** Section 38
* I am not so much afraid of death, as ashamed thereof; 'tis the very disgrace and ignominy of our natures, that in a moment can so disfigure us that our nearest friends, Wife, and Children stand afraid and start at us.
** Section 40
* Men that look no further than their outsides, think health an appurtenance unto life, and quarrel with their constitutions for being sick; but I that have examined the parts of man, and know upon what tender filaments that fabric hangs, do wonder that we are not always so; and considering the thousand doors that lead to death, do thank my God that we can die but once.
** Section 44
** ''Compare:'' "I know death hath ten thousand several doors / For men to take their exits.", [[John Webster]], ''[[w:Duchess of Malfi|Duchess of Malfi]]'' (1623); Act IV, scene ii.
* We vainly accuse the fury of guns, and the new inventions of death; it is in the power of every hand to destroy us, and we are beholden unto every one we meet he doth not kill us.
** Section 44
* I believe the world grows near its end, yet is neither old nor decayed, nor will ever perish upon the ruins of its own principles.
** Section 45
* How shall the dead arise, is no question of my faith; to believe only possibilities, is not faith, but mere philosophy.
** Section 48
* The heart of man is the place the devil dwells in; I feel sometimes a hell within myself.
** Section 51
* There is no road or ready way to virtue.
** Section 55
==== Part II ====
[[File:Lady Dorothy Browne (née Mileham); Sir Thomas Browne by Joan Carlile.jpg|thumb|There are [[mystically]] in our [[faces]] certain [[Characters]] that carry in them the motto of our [[Souls]], wherein he that cannot [[read]] A.B.C. may read our [[natures]].]]
[[File:Vitruvian macrocosmus.png|thumb|There is no [[Human|man]] alone, because every man is a [[w:Macrocosm and microcosm|Microcosm]], and carries the whole [[world]] about him.]]
<!--[[File:Historical portraits the lives of C.R.L. Fletcher (1909) (14769313224).jpg|thumb|There is surely a piece of [[Divinity]] within us, something that was before the Elements, and owes no homage unto the [[Sun]].]]
[[File:Paul Schad-Rossa - In die Unendlichkeit.jpg|thumb|We are somewhat more than our [[selves]] in our [[Sleep|sleepes]], and the slumber of the [[body]] seemes to bee but the waking of the [[Soul|soule]].{{citation needed}}]]-->
* It is the common wonder of all men, how among so many million of faces there should be none alike.
** Section 2
* There is surely a Physiognomy, which those experienced and Master Mendicants observe… For there are mystically in our faces certain Characters that carry in them the motto of our Souls, wherein he that cannot read A.B.C. may read our natures.
** Section 2
* I intend no Monopoly, but a Community in Learning; I study not for my own sake only, but for theirs that study not for themselves.
** Section 3
* They that endeavour to abolish vice destroy also virtue, for contraries, though they destroy one another, are yet the life of one another.
** Section 4
* No man can justly censure or condemn another, because indeed no man truly knows another.
** Section 4
* But how shall we expect charity towards others, when we are uncharitable to ourselves? Charity begins at home, is the voice of the world, yet is every man his greatest enemy, and as it were, his own executioner.
** Section 4
* I could be content that we might procreate like trees, without conjunction, or that there were any way to perpetuate the world without this trivial and vulgar act of coition; It is the foolishest act a wise man commits in all his life, nor is there anything that will more deject his cooled imagination, when he shall consider what an odd and unworthy piece of folly he hath committed.
** Section 9
* I can look a whole day with delight upon a handsome picture, though it be but of a horse. It is my temper, & I like it the better, to affect all harmony, and sure there is music even in the beauty, and the silent note which ''Cupid'' strikes, far sweeter than the sound of an instrument. For there is a music wherever there is a harmony, order or proportion; and thus far we may maintain the music of the spheres.
** Section 9
* I can cure the gout or stone in some, sooner than Divinity, Pride, or Avarice in others
** Section 9
* We all labour against our own cure, for death is the cure of all diseases.
** Section 9
* There is no man alone, because every man is a ''Microcosm,'' and carries the whole world about him.
** Section 10
* For the world, I count it not an Inn, but a Hospital, and a place, not to live, but to die in.
** Section 11
* Men that look upon my outside, perusing only my condition, and fortunes, do err in my altitude; for I am above ''Atlas'' his shoulders.
** Section 11
* There is surely a piece of Divinity within us, something that was before the Elements, and owes no homage unto the [[Sun]].
** Section 11
* I am in no way facetious, nor disposed for the mirth and galliardize of company, yet in one dream I can compose a whole Comedy, behold the action, apprehend the jests, and laugh myself awake at the conceits thereof.
** Section 11
* The world that I regard is my selfe, it is the Microcosme of mine owne frame, that I cast mine eye on; for the other, I use it but like my Globe, and turne it round sometimes for my recreation. Men that look upon my outside, perusing onely my condition, and fortunes, do erre in my altitude; for I am above Atlas his shoulders.
** Section 12
* We term sleep a death, and yet it is waking that kills us, and destroys those spirits that are the house of life.
** Section 12
* I thanke God for my happy Dreams|dreames, as I doe for my good rest, for there is a satisfaction in them unto reasonable desires, and such as can be content with a fit of happinesse; and surely it is not a melancholy conceite to thinke we are all asleepe in this world, and that the conceits of this life are as meare dreames to those of the next, as the Phantasmes of the night, to the conceit of the day. There is an equall delusion in both, and the one doth but seeme to bee the embleme or picture of the other;
** Section 12
* Sleep is a death; oh, make me try<br>By sleeping what it is to die,<br>And as gently lay my head<br>On my grave as now my bed.
** Section 12
* ''[[Aristotle]]'' whilst he labours to refute the ideas of [[Plato]], falls upon one himself: for his ''summum bonum,'' is a ''Chimera,'' and there is no such thing as his Felicity.
** Section 15
=== ''On Dreams'' ===
* Half our days we pass in the shadow of the earth; and the brother of death exacteth a third part of our lives.
* Happy are they that go to bed with grave music like Pythagoras.
* A little water makes a sea, a small puff of wind a Tempest.
* That some have never dreamed is as improbable as that some have never laughed.
* That children dream not the first half year, that men dream not in some countries, with many more, are unto me sick men's dreams, dreams out of the Ivory gate, and visions before midnight.
=== ''[[w:Hydriotaphia, Urn Burial|Hydriotaphia, Urn Burial]]'' (1658) ===
[[File:Title-page of 1658 edition of 'Urn-Burial' and 'The Garden of Cyrus'.jpg|thumb|[[Oblivion]] is not to be hired. The greater part must be content to be as though they had not been, to be found in the register of [[God]], not in the record of man.]]
<!--[[File:LA2 Skultuna kontorsljusstake.jpg|thumb|[[Life]] is a pure [[flame]], and we live by an invisible Sun within us.]]-->
* Times before you, when even the living men were Antiquities; when the living might exceed the dead, and to depart this world, could not be properly said, to go unto the greater number.
** Dedication
* I look upon you as a [[gem]] of the old rock.
** Dedication
* In the deep discovery of the Subterranean world, a shallow part would satisfy some enquirers.
** Chapter I
* A Dialogue between two Infants in the womb concerning the state of this world, might handsomely illustrate our ignorance of the next, whereof methinks we yet discourse in ''Plato's'' Den, and are but ''Embryon'' Philosophers.
** Chapter IV
* Were the happiness of the next world as closely apprehended as the felicities of this, it were a martyrdom to live.
** Chapter IV
* Time which antiquates Antiquities, and hath an art to make dust of all things.
** Chapter V
* The long habit of living indisposeth us for dying.
** Chapter V
* What song the Syrens sang, or what name [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] assumed when he hid himself among women, though puzzling questions, are not beyond all conjecture.
** Chapter V. Cf [[Suetonius]], ''[[Suetonius#Tiberius|Lives of the Twelve Caesars]]'': "Tiberius," Ch 70
* To be nameless in worthy deeds exceeds an infamous history.<br>But the iniquity of oblivion blindly scattereth her poppy, and deals with the memory of men without distinction to merit of perpetuity. Who can but pity the founder of the Pyramids? ''[[w:Herostratus|Herostratus]]'' lives that burnt the Temple of ''[[w:Diana|Diana]],'' he is almost lost that built it.
** Chapter V
* Who knows whether the best of men be known, or whether there be not more remarkable persons forgot, than any that stand remembered in the known account of time? Without the favour of the everlasting register, the first man had been as unknown as the last, and [[w:Methuselah|Methuselah]]'s long life had been his only chronicle.<br>Oblivion is not to be hired. The greater part must be content to be as though they had not been, to be found in the register of God, not in the record of man. Twenty seven names make up the first story before the flood, and the recorded names ever since contain not one living century. The number of the dead long exceedeth all that shall live. The night of time far surpasseth the day, and who knows when was the Æquinox? Every hour adds unto that current arithmetick, which scarce stands one moment.
** Chapter V
* Darkness and light divide the course of time, and oblivion shares with memory, a great part even of our living beings; we slightly remember our felicities, and the smartest strokes of affliction leave but short smart upon us. Sense endureth no extremities, and sorrows destroy us or themselves. To weep into stones are fables.
** Chapter V
* But man is a Noble Animal, splendid in ashes, and pompous in the grave, solemnizing Nativities and Deaths with equal lustre, nor omitting Ceremonies of Bravery, in the infamy of his nature. Life is a pure flame, and we live by an invisible Sun within us.''
** Chapter V
=== ''[[w:The Garden of Cyrus|The Garden of Cyrus]] '' (1658) ===
* That ''Vulcan'' gave arrows unto ''Apollo'' and ''Diana'' the fourth day after their Nativities, according to Gentile Theology, may pass for no blind apprehension of the Creation of the Sun and Moon, in the work of the fourth day.
** Opening lines of Ch. 1
* Life itself is but the shadow of death, and souls departed but the shadows of the living: All things fall under this name. The Sun itself is but the dark ''simulacrum,'' and the light but the shadow of God.
** Ch. 4
* But the [[w:Quincunx|Quincunx]] of Heaven runs low, and 'tis time to close the five ports of knowledge. We are unwilling to spin out our awaking thoughts into the phantasmes of sleep, which often continueth præcogitations; making Cables of Cobwebbes and Wildernesses of handsome Groves. Beside [[Hippocrates]] hath spoke so little and the Oneirocriticall Masters, have left such frigid Interpretations from plants, that there is little encouragement to dream of Paradise it self. Nor will the sweetest delight of Gardens afford much comfort in sleep; wherein the dulnesse of that sense shakes hands with delectable odours; and though in the Bed of [[Cleopatra]], can hardly with any delight raise up the ghost of a Rose.
** Ch. 5
* To keep our eyes open longer were but to set our ''Antipodes.'' The Huntsmen are up in ''America,'' and they are already past their first sleep in ''Persia.'' But who can be drowsy at that hour which freed us from everlasting sleep? or have slumbering thoughts at that time, when sleep itself must end, and as some conjecture all shall awake again?
** Ch. 5
=== Letter to a Friend (circa 1656) ===
* To make an end of all things on Earth, and our Planetical System of the World, he (God) need but put out the Sun
* Not to be content with Life is the unsatisfactory state of those which destroy themselves; who being afraid to live, run blindly upon their own Death, which no Man fears by Experience.
* And surely, he that hath taken the true Altitude of Things, and rightly calculated the degenerate state of this Age, is not like to envy those that shall live in the next, much less three or four hundred Years hence, when no Man can comfortably imagine what Face this World will carry.
* Pursue Virtue virtuously.
** These words also appear in ''Christian Morals,'' Part I, Section I
* Be charitable before Wealth makes thee covetous.
=== ''Christian Morals'' (first pub. post. 1716) ===
[[File:PSM V50 D093 Thomas Browne.jpg|thumb|Be substantially [[great]] in thyself, and more than thou appearest unto others.]]
* Be substantially great in thyself, and more than thou appearest unto others.
** Part I, Section XIX
* The noblest [[wikt:digladiation|Digladiation]] is in the Theatre of ourselves.
** Part I, Section XXIV
* He who discommendeth others obliquely commendeth himself.
** Part I, Section XXXIV
* There is nothing more acceptable unto the ingenious World, than this noble Eluctation of Truth; wherein, against the tenacity of Prejudice and Prescription, this Century now prevaileth. What Libraries of new Volumes aftertimes will behold, and in what a new World of Knowledge the eyes of our Posterity may be happy, a few Ages may joyfully declare; and is but a cold thought unto those who cannot hope to behold this Exantlation of Truth, or that obscured Virgin half out of the Pit.
** Part II, Section IV
* Burden not the back of ''Aries,'' ''Leo,'' or ''Taurus,'' with thy faults, nor make ''Saturn,'' ''Mars,'' or ''Venus,'' guilty of thy Follies.
** Part III, Section VII
* To ruminate upon evils, to make critical notes upon injuries, and be too acute in their apprehensions, is to add unto our own tortures, to feather the arrows of our enemies, to lash ourselves with the scorpions of our foes, and to resolve to sleep no more.
** Part III, Section XII
* The created World is but a small ''Parenthesis'' in Eternity.
** Part III, Section XXIX
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/586 Project Gutenberg's ''Religio Medici,'' ''Hydriotaphia'' and ''Letter to a Friend'']
*[http://penelope.uchicago.edu/index.html The University of Chicago's Sir Thomas Browne page]
*[http://www.levity.com/alchemy/sir_thomas_browne.html Essay on Browne and Hermeticism]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Browne, Thomas}}
[[Category:Philosophers from England]]
[[Category:Physicians from England]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from England]]
[[Category:1605 births]]
[[Category:1682 deaths]]
[[Category:Polymaths]]
[[Category:Anglicans from the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Mystics]]
[[Category:People from London]]
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Richard Francis Burton
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/* Quotes about Burton */
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[[File:RichardFrancisBurton.jpeg|thumb|right|Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from none but [[self]] expect applause;<br>He [[Nobility|noblest]] [[Life|lives]] and noblest [[Death|dies]] who makes and keeps his self-made [[laws]].]]
'''[[w:Richard Francis Burton|Sir Richard Francis Burton]]''' ([[19 March]] [[1821]] – [[20 October]] [[1890]]) was a British [[w:Consulate general|consul]], [[w:Explorer|explorer]], [[w:Translator|translator]], [[w:Writer|writer]], [[w:Poet|poet]], [[w:Orientalism|Orientalist]] and [[w:Swordsman|swordsman]] known for his often-unprecedented exploits of travel and exploration as well as his extraordinary knowledge of languages and cultures.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Richard Francis Burton by Rischgitz, 1864.jpg|thumb|right|Travellers like [[poets]] are mostly an [[angry]] race.]]
[[File:02 dhow in Karachi Nov 76.jpg|thumb|right|Of the gladest [[moments]] in [[human]] [[life]], methinks is the departure upon a distant [[journey]] to unknown lands.]]
[[File:Smallsword.jpg|thumb|right|The point must be delivered smartly, with but little exertion of [[force]], more like a dart than a thrust...]]
[[File:Richard Francis Burton in Africa.jpg|thumb|right|[[Conquer]] [[thyself]], till thou hast done this, thou art but a [[slave]]; for it is almost as well to be subjected to another's [[appetite]] as to thine own.]]
* '''Now the last hookah has gone out, and the most restless of our servants has turned in.''' The roof of the cabin is strewed with bodies anything but fragrant, indeed, we cannot help pitying the melancholy fate of poor [[w:Morpheus (mythology)|Morpheus]], who is traditionally supposed to encircle such sleepers with his soft arms. Could you believe it possible that through such a night as this they choose to sleep under those wadded cotton coverlets, and dread not instantaneous asphixiation?
** ''Goa, and The Blue Mountains; or, Six Months of Sick Leave'' (1851)
* '''Is not man born with a love of [[change]]''' — an Englishman to be discontented — an Anglo-Indian to grumble?
** ''Goa, and The Blue Mountains; or, Six Months of Sick Leave'' (1851)
* '''Travellers like [[poets]] are mostly an [[angry]] race.'''
** "Narrative of a Trip to Harar" (11 June 1855); published in ''The Journal of the Royal Geographical Society'' <!-- Vol. 25, pp.136-150 --> (June 1855)
* '''Presently our fire being exhausted, and the enemy pressing on with spear and javelin, the position became untenable; the tent was nearly battered down by clubs, and had we been entangled in its folds, we should have been killed without the power of resistance.''' I gave the word for a rush, and sallied out with my sabre, closely followed by Lieut. Herne, with Lieut. Speke in the rear. The former was allowed to pass through the enemy with no severer injury than a few hard blows with a war club. The latter was thrown down by a stone hurled at his chest and taken prisoner, a circumstance which we did not learn till afterwards. On leaving the tent I thought that I perceived the figure of the late Lieut. Stroyan lying upon the ground close to the camels. I was surrounded at the time by about a dozen of the enemy, whose clubs rattled upon me without mercy, and the strokes of my sabre were rendered uncertain by the energetic pushes of an attendant who thus hoped to save me. The blade was raised to cut him down: he cried out in dismay, and at that moment a Somali stepped forward, threw his spear so as to pierce my face, and retired before he could be punished. I then fell back for assistance, and the enemy feared pursuing us into the darkness. Many of our Somalis and servants were lurking about 100 yards from the fray, but nothing would persuade them to advance. The loss of blood causing me to feel faint, I was obliged to lie down, and, as dawn approached, the craft from Aynterad was seen apparently making sail out of the harbour.
** A brief account of the attack that left him scarred from a spearhead that entered one side of his face and exited the other, in "Narrative of a Trip to Harar" (11 June 1855); published in ''The Journal of the Royal Geographical Society'' <!-- Vol. 25, pp.136-150 --> (June 1855)
* '''How melancholy a thing is success.''' Whilst failure inspirits a man, attainment reads the sad prosy lesson that all our glories "Are shadows, not substantial things." Truly said the sayer, "disappointment is the salt of life" a salutary bitter which strengthens the mind for fresh exertion, and gives a double value to the prize.
** First Footsteps in East Africa (1856)
* '''Of the gladest moments in human life, methinks is the departure upon a distant journey to unknown lands.''' Shaking off with one mighty effort the fetters of habit, the leaden weight of Routine, the cloak of many Cares and the Slavery of Home, man feels once more happy. The blood flows with the fast circulation of childhood....afresh dawns the morn of life...
** Journal Entry (2 December 1856)
* Support a compatriot against a native, however the former may blunder or plunder.
**''Exploration of the Highlands of Brazil'' (1869)
* '''The recruit must be carefully and sedulously taught when meeting the enemy, even at a trot or canter, to use no force whatever, otherwise his [[sword]] will bury itself to the hilt, and the swordsman will either be dragged from his horse, or will be compelled to drop his weapon — if he can.''' Upon this point I may quote my own ''System of Bayonet Exercise'' (p. 27): — <br> "'''The instructor must spare no pains in preventing the soldier from using force, especially with the left or guiding arm, as too much exertion generally causes the thrust to miss. A trifling body-stab with the bayonet (I may add with the sword) is sufficient to disable a man; and many a promising young soldier has lost his life by burying his weapon so deep in the enemy's breast that it could not be withdrawn quickly enough to be used against a second assailant. To prevent this happening, the point must be delivered smartly, with but little exertion of force, more like a dart than a thrust, and instantly afterwards the bayonet must be smartly withdrawn.'''" In fact the thrust should consist of two movements executed as nearly simultaneously as possible; and it requires long habit, as the natural man, especially the Englishman, is apt to push home, and to dwell upon his slouching push.
** ''A New System of Sword Exercise for Infantry'' (1876)
* They walked the water's vasty breadth of blue,<br />parting the restless billows on their way.
** Translation of ''[[Os Lusíadas|The Lusiads]]'' (1880), Canto I, st. 19, p. 11
* Ah! where shall weary man take sanctuary,<br />where live his little span of life secure?<br />and 'scape of Heav'n serene th' indignant storms<br />that launch their thunders at us earthen worms?
** Translation of ''The Lusiads'', Canto I, st. 106, p. 40
* '''The dearest [[ambition]] of a [[slave]] is not [[liberty]] but to have a slave of his own.'''
**''The Book of The Thousand Nights And A Night'' (1885) When it was the Three Hundred and Sixtieth Night, footnote
* '''The more I study [[religions]] the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.'''
** ''The Book of The Thousand Nights And A Night'' (1885) Terminal Essay: Social Conditions, fn. 13.
* The England of our day would fain bring up both sexes and keep all ages in profound ignorance of sexual and intersexual relations; and the consequences of that imbecility are particularly cruel and afflicting. … '''Shall we ever understand that ignorance is not innocence?'''
** ''The Supplemental Nights'' (1888), quoted in ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'', Vol. II (1906), by Thomas Wright, p. 124
* I have struggled for forty-seven years, distinguishing myself honourably in every way that I possibly could. I never had a compliment, nor a "thank you," nor a single farthing. I translate [[Arabian Nights|a doubtful book]] in my old age, and I immediately make sixteen thousand guineas. Now that I know the tastes of England, we need never be without money.
** As quoted in ''The Life of Captain Sir Richd. F. Burton'', Vol. II (1893), by Lady Isabel Burton, p. 442
* '''Conquer thyself, till thou hast done this, thou art but a slave; for it is almost as well to be subjected to another's appetite as to thine own.'''
** As quoted in ''The New Dictionary of Thoughts : A Cyclopedia of Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, Both Ancient and Modern, Alphabetically Arranged by Subjects'' (1957) by [[Tryon Edwards]], p. 510
* Starting in a hollowed log of wood — some thousand miles up a river, with an infinitesimal prospect of returning! I ask myself 'Why?' and the only echo is 'damned fool!... the Devil drives'.
** Burton to [[w:Richard Monckton Milnes|Lord Houghton]] as quoted in ''The Devil Drives: A life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1984) by [[Fawn Brodie]].
=== ''[[w:The Kasidah|The Kasîdah of Hâjî Abdû El-Yezdî]]'' (1870) ===
[[File:Richardburtonarabicdress.JPG|thumb|right|Ne'er the self-same [[men]] shall meet; the years shall make us other men.]]
[[File:Thomas Cole - The Voyage of Life Old Age, 1842 (National Gallery of Art).jpg|thumb|right|Hardly we find the path of [[love]], to sink the [[self]], forget the "I," when sad suspicion grips the [[heart]], when Man, ''the'' Man begins to [[die]]...]]
:<small>"Hâjî Abdû El-Yezdî" was simply a pseudonym which Burton used as the author of this poem, originally crediting himself only as the "translator". [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/6036 Full text online at Project Gutenberg] [http://books.google.com/books?id=Dd8OAAAAQAAJ PDF and EPUB at Google (1880 edition)]</small>
[[File:Fire dancing in the water 20060623 TVR.jpg|thumb|right|We [[dance]] along [[Death]]'s icy brink, but is the dance less full of [[fun]]?]]
[[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|How shall the Shown pretend to [[Awareness|ken]] aught of the Showman or [[All|the Show]]?]]
[[File:Laser Towards Milky Ways Centre.jpg|thumb|right|Unknown, Incomprehensible, whateíer you [[choose]] to call it, call; <br> But leave it vague as airy space, dark in its [[darkness]] [[mystical]].]]
* <p>The Translator has ventured to entitle a "Lay of the Higher Law" the following composition, which aims at being in advance of its time; and he has not feared the danger of collision with such unpleasant forms as the "Higher Culture." The principles which justify the name are as follows: —</p><p>The Author asserts that Happiness and Misery are equally divided and distributed in the world.</p><p>He makes Self-cultivation, with due regard to others, the sole and sufficient object of human life.</p><p>He suggests that the affections, the sympathies, and the "divine gift of Pity" are man's highest enjoyments.</p><p>'''He advocates suspension of judgment, with a proper suspicion of "Facts, the idlest of superstitions."'''</p><p>'''Finally, although destructive to appearance, he is essentially reconstructive.'''</p><p>For other details concerning the Poem and the Poet, the curious reader is referred to the end of the volume.</p>
** Preface (November 1880)
'''I'''
* '''Friends of my youth, a last adieu! haply some day we meet again; <br> Yet ne'er the self-same men shall meet; the years shall make us other men.'''
'''III'''
* Hardly we find the path of love, to sink the self, forget the "I," <br> When sad suspicion grips the heart, when Man, ''the'' Man begins to die:
* '''How Thought is imp'otent to divine the secret which the gods defend, <br> The Why of birth and life and death, that Isis-veil no hand may rend.''' <br> Eternal Morrows make our day; our ''is'' is aye ''to be'' till when <br> Night closes in; 'tis all a dream, and yet we die, — and then and ''then''? <br>''' And still the Weaver plies his loom, whose warp and woof is wretched Man <br> Weaving th' unpattern'd dark design, so dark we doubt it owns a plan.'''
* '''Cease, Man, to mourn, to weep, to wail; enjoy thy shining hour of sun; <br> We dance along Death's icy brink, but is the dance less full of fun?'''
'''IV'''
* There is no [[God]], no man-made God; a bigger, stronger, crueller man; <br> Black phantom of our baby-fears, ere Thought, the life of Life, began.
*'''How shall the Shown pretend to ken aught of the Showman or the Show?''' <br> Why meanly bargain to [[believe]], which only means thou ne'er canst [[know]]? <br> How may the passing [[Now]] contain the standing Now — [[Eternity]]? — <br> An endless ''is'' without a ''was'', the ''be'' and never the ''to-be''?
* Grant an [[Idea]], Primal Cause, the Causing Cause, why crave for more? <br> Why strive its depth and breadth to mete, to trace its work, its aid to íimplore? <br> '''Unknown, Incomprehensible, whateíer you choose to call it, call; <br> But leave it vague as airy space, dark in its [[darkness]] [[mystical]].'''
* Your childish fears would seek a Sire, by the non-human God defined, <br> What your five wits may wot ye weet; what ''is'' you please to dub "designíd;" <br> You bring down Heavíen to vulgar Earth; your maker like yourselves you make, <br> You quake to own a reign of Law, you pray the Law its laws to break; <br> '''You pray, but hath your thought e'er weighed how empty vain the prayer must be, <br> That begs a boon already giv'en, or craves a change of law to see?'''
* Man worships self: his God is Man; the struggling of the mortal mind <br> To form its model as 'twould be, the perfect of itself to find.
'''V'''
* What call ye them or Goods or Ills, ill-goods, good-ills, a loss, a gain, <br> When realms arise and falls a roof; a world is won, a man is slain?
[[File:Rainbow droplet 630x441.jpg|thumb|right|All [[Faith]] is false, all Faith is true: [[Truth]] is the shattered mirror strown in myriad bits; while each [[believes]] his little bit the whole to own.]]
'''VI'''
* '''All [[Faith]] is false, all Faith is true: [[Truth]] is the shattered mirror strown <br> In myriad bits; while each believes his little bit the whole to own.'''
* '''What is the Truth? was askt of yore. Reply all object Truth is one<br>As twain of halves aye makes a whole; the moral Truth for all is none.'''
* '''As palace mirror'd in the stream, as vapour mingled with the skies,<br>So weaves the brain of mortal man the tangled web of Truth and Lies.'''
* '''What see we here? Forms, nothing more! Forms fill the brightest, strongest eye,<br>We know not substance; 'mid the shades shadows ourselves we live and die.'''
* <p>"Faith mountains move" I hear: I see the practice of the world unheed<br>The foolish vaunt, the blatant boast that serves our vanity to feed. </p><p>"Faith stands unmoved"; and why? Because man's silly fancies still remain,<br>And will remain till wiser man the day-dreams of his youth disdain.</p>
*''' "'Tis blessed to believe"; you say: The saying may be true enow<br>And it can add to Life a light: — only remains to show us how.'''
* With God's foreknowledge man's free will! what monster-growth of human brain,<br>What powers of light shall ever pierce this puzzle dense with words inane?
* '''"Be ye Good Boys, go seek for Heav'en, come pay the priest that holds the key;"<br>So spake, and speaks, and aye shall speak the last to enter Heaven, — he.'''
* <p>Yes Truth may be, but 'tis not Here; mankind must seek and find it There,<br>But Where nor I nor you can tell, nor aught earth-mother ever bare.</p><p>Enough to think that Truth can be: come sit we where the roses glow,<br>'''Indeed he knows not how to know who knows not also how to 'unknow.''''</p>
[[File:Michael Lukas Leopold Willmann 001.jpg|thumb|right|[[Life]] is a ladder [[infinite]]-stepped, that hides its rungs from human [[eyes]]..]]
'''VII'''
* <p> '''Words, words that gender things!''' The soul is a new-comer on the scene;<br>Sufficeth not the breath of Life to work the matter-born machine? </p><p> '''The race of Be'ing from dawn of Life in an unbroken course was run;<br>What men are pleased to call their Souls was in the hog and dog begun: '''</p><p>''' Life is a ladder infinite-stepped, that hides its rungs from human eyes;<br>Planted its foot in chaos-gloom, its head soars high above the skies: '''</p><p> '''No break the chain of Being bears; all things began in unity;<br>And lie the links in regular line though haply none the sequence see.'''</p>
[[File:RainbowFormation DropletPrimary.png|thumb|right|No break the chain of Being bears; all things began in unity; <br> And lie the links in regular line though haply none the sequence see.]]
* <p>"Th' immortal mind of mortal man!" we hear yon loud-lunged Zealot cry;<br>Whose mind but means his sum of thought, an essence of atomic "I."</p><p> Thought is the work of brain and nerve, in small-skulled idiot poor and mean;<br>In sickness sick, in sleep asleep, and dead when Death lets drop the scene.</p>
* '''"Tush!" quoth the Zahid, "well we ken the teaching of the school abhorr'd<br>"That maketh man automaton, mind a secretion, soul a word." '''<p> "Of molecules and protoplasm you matter-mongers prompt to prate;<br>"Of jelly-speck development and apes that grew to man's estate." </p><p> Vain cavil! all that is hath come either by Mir'acle or by Law; — <br>Why waste on this your hate and fear, why waste on that your love and awe?</p>
* <p>'''Is not the highest honour his who from the worst hath drawn the best;<br>May not your Maker make the world from matter, an it suit His hest?'''</p> <p> Nay more, the sordider the stuff the cunninger the workman's hand:<br>'''Cease, then, your own Almighty Power to bind, to bound, to understand.'''</p>
[[File:LabyrinthAtLEAF.JPG|thumb|right|[[Reason]] is [[Life]]'s sole arbiter, the [[magic]] Laby'rinth's single clue...]]
* <p>'''"[[Reason]] and Instinct!" How we love to play with words that please our pride''';<br>Our noble race's mean descent by false forged titles seek to hide! </p><p> For "gift divine" I bid you read the better work of higher brain,<br>From Instinct diff'ering in degree as golden mine from leaden vein.</p>
* '''Reason is [[Life]]'s sole arbiter, the [[magic]] Laby'rinth's single clue:<br>Worlds lie above, beyond its ken; what crosses it can ne'er be true.'''
* '''"Fools rush where Angels fear to tread!" Angels and Fools have equal claim<br>To do what Nature bids them do, sans hope of praise, sans fear of blame!'''
[[File:La Vérité, par Jules Joseph Lefebvre.jpg|thumb|right|Who e'er return'd to teach the [[Truth]], the things of [[Heaven]] and [[Hell]] to limn?]]
'''VIII'''
* '''There is no Heav'en, there is no Hell; these be the dreams of baby minds''',<br>Tools of the wily Fetisheer, to 'fright the fools his cunning blinds.<br>'''Learn from the mighty Spi'rits of old to set thy foot on Heav'en and Hell;<br>In Life to find thy hell and heav'en as thou abuse or use it well.'''
* '''Hard to the heart is final death: fain would an ''Ens'' not end in ''Nil'';<br>Love made the senti'ment kindly good: the Priest perverted all to ill.'''<br>While Reason sternly bids us die, Love longs for life beyond the grave:<br>Our hearts, affections, hopes and fears for Life-to-be shall ever crave.<br>Hence came the despot's darling dream, a Church to rule and sway the State;<br>Hence sprang the train of countless griefs in priestly sway and rule innate.<br>For future Life who dares reply? No witness at the bar have we;<br>Save what the brother Potsherd tells, — old tales and novel jugglery.<br>Who e'er return'd to teach the Truth, the things of Heaven and Hell to limn?<br>And all we hear is only fit for grandam-talk and nursery-hymn.
* "Who drinks one bowl hath scant delight; to poorest passion he was born;<br>"Who drains the score must e'er expect to rue the headache of the morn."<br>Safely he jogs along the way which "Golden Mean" the sages call;<br>Who scales the brow of frowning Alp must face full many a slip and fall.
[[File:LuMaxArt_Golden_Family_With_World_Religions.jpg|thumb|right|"You [[all]] are [[right]], you all are [[wrong]]," we hear [[Kenosis|the careless]] [[Sufism|Soofi]] say...]]
* '''When doctors differ who decides amid the milliard-headed throng?<br>Who save the [[madman]] dares to cry: "'Tis I am right, you all are wrong"? <br> "You [[all]] are [[right]], you all are [[wrong]]," we hear [[Kenosis|the careless]] [[Sufism|Soofi]] say, <br>"For each believes his glimm'ering lamp to be the gorgeous light of day."'''<br>"''Thy'' faith why false, ''my'' faith why true? 'tis all the work of Thine and Mine, <br>"The fond and foolish love of self that makes the Mine excel the Thine."<br>Cease then to mumble rotten bones; and strive to clothe with flesh and blood <br>The skel'eton; and to shape a Form that all shall hail as fair and good.
* '''Do what thy [[manhood]] bids thee do, from none but self expect applause; <br>He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made [[laws]].''' <br> All other Life is living [[Death]], a world where none but [[Phantoms]] dwell, <br>A breath, a wind, a sound, a voice, a tinkling of the camel-bell.
'''IX'''
* From self-approval seek applause: '''What ken not men thou kennest, thou! <br> Spurn ev'ry idol others raise: Before thine own Ideal bow:'''<br> Be thine own Deus: Make self free, liberal as the circling air: <br> Thy Thought to thee an Empire be; break every prison'ing lock and bar.
[[File:Brocken-tanzawa.JPG|thumb|right|This "I" may find a future [[Life]], a [[nobler]] copy of our own, where every riddle shall be ree'd, where every [[knowledge]] shall be known...]]
* '''And hold [[Humanity]] one man, whose universal agony <br> Still strains and strives to gain the goal, where agonies shall cease to be. <br> [[Believe]] in [[all]] things; none believe; [[judge]] not nor warp by "[[Facts]]" the [[thought]]; <br> See clear, hear clear, tho' life may seem [[w:Maya (illusion)|Mâyâ]] and Mirage, [[Dream]] and Naught.''' <br> Abjure the Why and seek the How: the [[God]] and [[gods]] enthroned on high, <br> Are silent all, are silent still; nor hear thy voice, nor deign reply. <br>''' The [[Now]], that indivisible point which studs the length of [[infinite]] line <br> Whose [[ends]] are nowhere, is thine [[all]], the puny all thou callest thine.'''
* '''Haply the Law that rules the world allows to man the widest range; <br> And haply Fate's a Theist-word, subject to human chance and change. <br> This "I" may find a future Life, a nobler copy of our own, <br> Where every riddle shall be ree'd, where every knowledge shall be known; <br> Where 'twill be man's to see the whole of what on Earth he sees in part;''' <br> Where change shall ne'er surcharge the thought; nor hope defer'd shall hurt the heart.
==== Note I : Hâjî Abdû, The Man ====
[[File:Richard Francis Burton tondo.jpg|thumb|right|He looks with impartial [[eye]] upon the endless variety of [[systems]], maintained with equal [[confidence]] and self-sufficiency, by men of equal [[ability]] and [[honesty]].]]
[[File:JUL Soul Iris.png|thumb|right|He seeks to discover a [[system]] which will [[prove]] them [[all]] [[right]], and all [[wrong]]; which will reconcile their differences; will [[unite]] past creeds; will account for the [[present]], and will anticipate the [[future]] with a continuous and uninterrupted development…]]
[[File:JUL Iris Soul Palm.png|thumb|right|With him suspension of [[judgment]] is a [[system]].]]
[[File:Orvieto Pozzo San Patrizio 5.JPG|thumb|right|The Pilgrim holds with [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]] [[Absolute]] [[Evil]] is [[impossible]] because it is always rising up into [[good]].]]
[[File:Richard Frances Burton.jpg|thumb|right|His [[praise]] is reserved for: — [[Lives]] <br> Lived in [[obedience]] to the inner [[law]] <br> Which cannot alter.]]
* '''Hâjî Abdû has been [[known]] to me for more years than I care to record.''' A native, it is [[believed]], of Dârabghird in the Yezd Province, he always preferred to style himself El-Hichmakani, a facetious "lackab" or surname, meaning "'''Of No-hall, Nowhere'''." He had travelled far and wide with his [[eyes]] open; as appears by his "couplets."
* '''He looks with impartial [[eye]] upon the endless variety of [[systems]], maintained with equal [[confidence]] and self-sufficiency, by men of equal [[ability]] and [[honesty]]. He is weary of wandering over the [[world]], and of finding every petty [[race]] wedded to its own [[opinions]]; claiming the [[monopoly]] of [[Truth]]; holding all others to be in [[error]], and raising disputes whose [[violence]], acerbity and virulence are in inverse ratio to the importance of the disputed matter.''' A peculiarly active and acute observation taught him that many of these jarring families, especially those of the same blood, are par in the intellectual processes of perception and reflection; that in the business of the visible working world they are confessedly by no means superior to one another; whereas in abstruse matters of mere Faith, not admitting direct and sensual evidence, one in a hundred will claim to be right, and immodestly charge the other ninety-nine with being wrong. <br> '''Thus he seeks to discover a system which will prove them all right, and all wrong; which will reconcile their differences; will unite past creeds; will account for the present, and will anticipate the future with a continuous and uninterrupted development; this, too, by a process, not negative and distinctive, but, on the contrary, intensely positive and constructive.''' I am not called upon to sit in the seat of [[judgment]]; but I may say that it would be singular if the attempt succeeded. Such a system would be all-comprehensive, because not limited by [[space]], [[time]], or [[race]]; its [[principle]] would be extensive as Matter itself, and, consequently, [[eternal]]. Meanwhile he satisfies himself, — the main point.
* '''[[Christianity]] and [[Islam|Islamism]] have been on their trial for the last eighteen and twelve centuries.''' They have been ardent in proselytizing, yet they embrace only one-tenth and one-twentieth of the human race. Hâjî Abdû would account for the tardy and unsatisfactory progress of what their votaries call "pure truths," by the innate imperfections of the same. '''Both propose a reward for mere [[belief]], and a penalty for simple unbelief; rewards and [[punishments]] being, by the way, very disproportionate. Thus they reduce everything to the scale of a somewhat unrefined [[egotism]]; and their demoralizing effects become clearer to every progressive age.'''
* '''The Hâjî regrets the excessive importance attached to a possible future state: he looks upon this as a psychical stimulant, a day dream, whose revulsion and reaction disorder waking life.''' The condition may appear humble and prosaic to those exalted by the fumes of Fancy, by a spiritual dram-drinking which, like the physical, is the pursuit of an ideal happiness. '''But he is too wise to affirm or to deny the existence of another [[world]]. For life beyond the grave there is no consensus of mankind…''' Even the instinctive sense of our kind is here dumb. We may believe what we are taught: we can know nothing. He would, therefore, cultivate that receptive mood which, marching under the shadow of mighty events, leads to the highest of goals, — the development of [[Humanity]]. '''With him suspension of judgment is a system.'''
* The "Schedule of Doctrines" of the most [[w:liberal Christian|liberal Christian]] Church insists upon human depravity, and the "absolute need of the Holy Spirit's agency in man's regeneration and sanctification." <br> But what have we here? '''The "original calamity" was either caused by [[God]] or arose without leave of God, in either case degrading God to man.''' It is the old dilemma whose horns are the irreconcilable attributes of [[goodness]] and omniscience in the supposed Creator of [[sin]] and [[suffering]]. If the one quality be predicable, the other cannot be predicable of the same subject. Far better and wiser is the essayist's poetical explanation now apparently despised because it was the fashionable doctrine of the sage bard's day:—
:: [[All]] [[nature]] is but [[art]]
::All discord [[harmony]] not [[understood]];
::All partial [[evil]] universal [[good]].—(Essay 289—292.)
::* Burton here quotes [[Alexander Pope]]'s ''[[w:An Essay on Man|An Essay on Man]]'' (1734)
* '''The Pilgrim holds with [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]] [[Absolute]] [[Evil]] is [[impossible]] because it is always rising up into good.''' He considers the theory of a beneficent or maleficent deity a purely sentimental fancy, contradicted by human reason and the aspect of the world.
* '''I am an individual … a [[circle]] touching and intersecting my neighbours at certain points, but nowhere corresponding, nowhere blending.''' Physically I am not identical in all points with other men. Morally I differ from them: in nothing do the approaches of knowledge, my five organs of sense (with their [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelleyan]] "interpenetration"), exactly resemble those of any other being. ''Ergo'', the effect of the world, of life, of natural objects, will not in my case be the same as with the beings most resembling me. Thus I claim the right of creating or modifying for my own and private use, the system which most imports me; and if the reasonable leave be refused to me, I take it without leave. <br> '''But my individuality, however all-sufficient for myself, is an infinitesimal point, an atom subject in all things to the Law of Storms called Life.''' I feel, I know that Fate is. But I cannot know what is or what is not fated to befall me. Therefore in the pursuit of perfection as an individual lies my highest, and indeed my only duty, the "I" being duly blended with the "We." I object to be a "self-less man," which to me denotes an inverted moral sense. '''I am bound to take careful thought concerning the consequences of every word and deed. When, however, the Future has become the Past, it would be the merest vanity for me to grieve or to repent over that which was decreed by universal Law.'''
* '''That creatures endowed with the mere possibility of liberty should not always choose the Good appears natural.''' But that of the milliards of human beings who have inhabited Earth, not one should have been found invariably to choose Good, proves how insufficient is the solution. Hence no one believes in the existence of the complete man under the present state of things. The Haji rejects all popular and mythical explanation by the Fall of "Adam," the innate depravity of human nature, and the absolute perfection of certain Incarnations, which argues their divinity. '''He can only wail over the prevalence of evil, assume its foundation to be error, and purpose to abate it by uprooting that Ignorance which bears and feeds it.''' <br> His "[[w:Eschatology|eschatology]]," like that of the Soofis generally, is vague and shadowy.
* With Hâjî Abdû the [[soul]] is not material, for that would be a contradiction of terms. '''He regards it, with many moderns, as a state of things, not a thing; a convenient [[word]] denoting the [[sense]] of [[personality]], of [[individual]] [[identity]].'''
* The Pilgrim's sole consolation is in self-cultivation, and in the pleasures of the affections. This sympathy may be an indirect self-love, a reflection of the light of egotism: still it is so transferred as to imply a different system of convictions. It requires a different name: to call benevolence "self-love " is to make the fruit or flower not only depend upon a root for development (which is true), but the very root itself (which is false). '''And, finally, his ideal is of the highest: his praise is reserved for:'''
::::'''—Lives'''
::'''Lived in [[obedience]] to the inner [[law]]'''
::'''Which cannot alter.'''
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* A man that hoards up riches and enjoys them not, is like an ass that carries gold and eats thistles.
** 17th century proverb
* So much to learn!<br />Old Nature's ways<br />Of glee and gloom with rapt amaze<br />To study, probe, and paint – brown earth,<br />Salt sea, blue heavens, their tilth and dearth,<br />Birds, grasses, trees – the natural things<br />That throb or grope or poise on wings.
** Richard Eugene Burton, ''Memorial Day, And Other Poems'' (1897), 'So Much to Learn', p. 8<!--misattributed to Sir Richard Francis Burton in ''Gaither's Dictionary of Scientific Quotations'' (2012), p. 1505-->
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Burton ==
[[File:Isabel Burton-1861.jpg|thumb|Richard's idea was that every man, by doing all the [[good]] he could in this life, always working for others, for the human race, always acting "[[w:Excelsior|Excelsior]]," should leave a track of light behind him on this [[World]] as he passes through. ~ [[w:Isabel Burton|Isabel Burton]] ]]
[[File:Sir Richard Burton 1890.jpg|thumb|right|He is steel! He would go through you like a [[sword]]! ~ [[Bram Stoker]] ]]
[[File:Burtontomb1.jpg|thumb|All his life he loved to disguise himself. ~ [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]] ]]
[[File:Wingedheart.svg|thumb|right|By dint of plain living, high [[thinking]], and stifling generally the impulses of his nature, Burton became a Master [[Sufi]], and all his life he sympathised with, and to some extent practised Sufism. ~ [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]] ]]
<!--[[File:El Greco 019.jpg|thumb|Of [[Jesus|Christ]] he says: He had given an impetus to the [[progress]] of mankind by systematizing a religion of the highest moral loveliness, showing what an imperfect race can and may become. ~ [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]] ]]-->
* '''Richard's idea was that every man, by doing all the good he could in this [[life]], always working for others, for the human race, always acting "[[w:Excelsior|Excelsior]]," should leave a track of [[light]] behind him on this [[World]] as he passes through. His idea of [[God]] was so immeasurably grander than anything people are ''usually'' [[taught]] to think about God.''' It always seemed to him that we dwindled God down to our own mean imaginations; that we made something like ourselves, only bigger, and far crueller. There is some truth in this; we are always talking about God just as if we understood Him. His idea of a Divine Being was so infinite, so great, that to pray to Him was an impertinence; that it was monstrous that we should expect Him to alter one of His decrees, because ''we'' prayed for it; that He was a God of big universal love, but so far off, as to be far above anything we can understand.
** [[w:Isabel Burton|Isabel Burton]], in ''The Life of Captain Sir Richd. F. Burton'' (1893), p. 196
* He was, as has been well said, an [[w:Elizabethan era|Elizabethan]] born out of time; in the days of [[w: Francis Drake|Drake]] his very faults might have counted to his credit.
** ''Encyclopædia Britannica'', 11th ed. (1910–1911)
* It was not his nature to give up until all his strength had been expended.
** [[Philip José Farmer]], describing Burton's character in ''[[w:To Your Scattered Bodies Go|To Your Scattered Bodies Go]]'' (1971); Burton was one of the primary resurrected heroes in Farmer's ''[[w:Riverworld|Riverworld]]'' series.
* There seems little doubt that Burton was trying to project [[Sufi]] teaching in the West... In Sufism he finds a system of application to misguided faiths "which will prove them all right, and all wrong; which will reconcile their differences; will unite past creeds; will account for the present and will anticipate the future with a continuous and uninterrupted development."
** [[w:Idries Shah|Idries Shah]], in ''The Sufis'' (1964)
* Burton's strain of [[w:Romani people|Romany]] accounted for his vagabond tendencies, intolerant of all convention or restraint, which procured him the sobriquet of "Ruffian Dick" at Oxford and in his early days in India. Before middle age he had, as [[w:Edward Henry Stanley|Lord Derby]], said, "compressed into his life more of study, more of hardship, and more of successful enterprise and adventure than would have sufficed to fill up the existence of half a dozen ordinary men." {{pb}} This was the man Hugh had chosen for his "friend and companion," whose creed was, "A man should seek Honor, not honors," and whose motto ran, "''Omne solum forti patria''"— "every region is a strong man's home."
** [[w:Edward Hugh Sothern|Edward Hugh Sothern]], in ''The Melancholy Tale of "Me": My Remembrances'' (1916), p. 137
* I could not but be struck by the strangers. The lady was a big, handsome blonde woman, clever-looking and capable. But the man riveted my attention. He was dark, and forceful, and masterful, and ruthless. '''I have never seen so iron a countenance.''' I did not have much time to analyse the face; the bustle of arrival prevented that. But an instant was enough to make up my mind about him. We separated in the carriage after cordial wishes that we might meet again. When we were on the platform, I asked [[w:Henry Irving|Irving]]: <br> "Who is that man?" <br> "Why," he said, " I thought I introduced you!" <br> "So you did, but you did not mention the names of the others!" He looked at me for an instant and said inquiringly as though something had struck him: <br> "Tell me, why do you want to know?" <br> "Because," I answered, "I never saw any one like him. '''He is steel! He would go through you like a [[sword]]!'''" <br> "You are right!" he said. "But I thought you knew him. That is Burton — Captain Burton who went to Mecca!"
** [[Bram Stoker]], describing his first meeting of Burton and his wife on 13 August 1878, in ''Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving'' (1907), Vol. 1, p. Page 224
* My first impression of the man as of steel was consolidated and enhanced. He told us, amongst other things, of the work he had in hand. Three great books were partially done. The translation of the ''Arabian Nights'', the metrical translation of [[Luís de Camões|Camoëns]], and the ''Book of the Sword''. These were all works of vast magnitude and requiring endless research. But he lived to complete them all.
** [[Bram Stoker]], on a later meeting of Burton on 8 February 1879, in ''Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving'' (1907), Vol. 1, p. Page 225
* '''Burton had a most vivid way of putting things — especially of the East.''' He had both a fine imaginative power and a memory richly stored not only from study but from personal experience. As he talked, fancy seemed to run riot in its alluring power; and the whole world of thought seemed to flame with gorgeous colour. Burton ''knew'' the East. Its brilliant dawns and sunsets; its rich tropic vegetation, and its arid fiery deserts; its cool, dark mosques and temples; its crowded bazaars; its narrow streets; its windows guarded for out-looking and from in-looking eyes; the pride and swagger of its passionate men, and the mysteries of its veiled women; '''its romances; its beauty; its horrors.'''
** [[Bram Stoker]], on a meeting of Burton on 18 September 1886, in ''Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving'' (1907), Vol. 1, p. Page 230
* A living soul that had strength to quell <br> Hope the spectre and fear the spell, <br> Clear-eyed, content with a scorn sublime <br> And a faith superb, can it fare not well?
** [[Algernon Charles Swinburne]], "Verses on the Death of Richard Burton", in ''The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science, and Art'', Vol. 53 (1891), p. 506; the complete text can also be found at the end of [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]]'s [http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/b/burton/richard/b97zw/chapter41.html ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton''] (1906)
* Souls there are that for soul’s affright <br> Bow down and cower in the sun’s glad sight, <br> Clothed round with faith that is one with fear, <br> And dark with doubt of the live world’s light. {{pb}} But him we hailed from afar or near <br> As boldest born of his kinsfolk here <br> And loved as brightest of souls that eyed <br> Life, time, and death with unchangeful cheer, {{pb}} A wider soul than the world was wide <br> Whose praise made love of him one with pride... <br> Who rode life's lists as a god might ride.
** Algernon Charles Swinburne, "Verses on the Death of Richard Burton", in ''The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science, and Art'', Vol. 53 (1891), p. 507
* But we that yearn for a friend’s face, — we <br> Who lack the light that on earth was he, — <br> Mourn, though the light be a quenchless flame <br> That shines as dawn on a tideless sea.
** Algernon Charles Swinburne, "Verses on the Death of Richard Burton", in ''The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science, and Art'', Vol. 53 (1891), p. 507
* Burton had the jaw of a devil and the brow of a god.
** Algernon Charles Swinburne, as quoted by [[Arthur Symons]], "A Neglected and Mysterious Genius", in ''The Forum'', Vol. 67 (1922), p. 240
* '''All his life he loved to disguise himself.''' We shall see him later as a Greek doctor, a Pathan Hakim, and an Arab shaykh. His shops had plenty of customers, for he was in the habit of giving the ladies, especially if they were pretty, "the heaviest possible weight for their money," though sometimes he would charge too much in order to induce them to chatter with him.
** [[Thomas Wright]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4315 ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1906)], Ch. 10: Karachi. Love of Disguise
* In time, by dint of plain living, high thinking, and stifling generally the impulses of his nature, Burton became a Master [[Sufi]], and all his life he sympathised with, and to some extent practised Sufism.
** Thomas Wright, ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1906), Ch. 16: "Would you a Sufi be?"
* Burton now commenced to write a work to be called ''El Islam, or the History of Mohammedanism''; which, however, he never finished. It opens with an account of the rise of Christianity, his attitude to which resembled that of [[w:Ernest Renan|Renan]]. Of [[Jesus|Christ]] he says: "He had given an impetus to the progress of mankind by systematizing a religion of the highest moral loveliness, showing what an imperfect race can and may become." He then dilates on [[Paul of Tarsus|St. Paul]], who with a daring hand "rent asunder the ties connecting Christianity with Judaism." "He offered to the great family of man a Church with a Diety at its head and a religion peculiarly of principles. He left the moral code of Christianity untouched in its loveliness. After the death of St. Paul," continues Burton, "Christianity sank into a species of idolatry. The acme of stupidity was attained by the [[w:Stylites|Stylites]], who conceived that mankind had no nobler end than to live and die upon the capital of a column. When things were at their worst [[Muhammad|Mohammed]] first appeared upon the stage of life." The work was published in its unfinished state after Burton's death.
** Thomas Wright, ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1906), Ch. 28: El Islam
==See also==
* ''[[One Thousand and One Nights|Arabian Nights]]''
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline}}
*{{commonscat-inline}}
* [http://www.isidore-of-seville.com/burton/ Sir Richard F. Burton on the Web]
* [http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/b/burton/richard/ Online editions of Burton's works at the University of Adelaide]
* [http://www.wollamshram.ca/1001/burton.htm Selected online editions of Burton's texts]
* [http://www.miskatonic.org/history/burton-gordon.html Sir Richard Francis Burton and General Charles "Chinese" Gordon]
* {{gutenberg author| id=Richard+Francis+Burton | name=Richard Francis Burton}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Burton, Richard Francis}}
[[Category:Diplomats of the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Poets from England]]
[[Category:Travel writers]]
[[Category:Explorers from England]]
[[Category:Linguists from England]]
[[Category:Historians from England]]
[[Category:Orientalists]]
[[Category:Martial artists]]
[[Category:Monists]]
[[Category:Mystics]]
[[Category:Sufis]]
[[Category:Translators from England]]
[[Category:Atheists from England]]
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[[File:RichardFrancisBurton.jpeg|thumb|right|Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from none but [[self]] expect applause;<br>He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made [[laws]].]]
'''[[w:Richard Francis Burton|Sir Richard Francis Burton]]''' ([[19 March]] [[1821]] – [[20 October]] [[1890]]) was a British [[w:Consulate general|consul]], [[w:Explorer|explorer]], [[w:Translator|translator]], [[w:Writer|writer]], [[w:Poet|poet]], [[w:Orientalism|Orientalist]] and [[w:Swordsman|swordsman]] known for his often-unprecedented exploits of travel and exploration as well as his extraordinary knowledge of languages and cultures.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Richard Francis Burton by Rischgitz, 1864.jpg|thumb|Travellers like [[poets]] are mostly an [[angry]] race.]]
[[File:Lake tanganyika.jpg|thumb|Of the gladdest moments in human life, methinks is the departure upon a distant [[journey]] to unknown lands.]]
<!--[[File:02 dhow in Karachi Nov 76.jpg|thumb|]]-->
[[File:Smallsword.jpg|thumb|The point must be delivered smartly, with but little exertion of [[force]], more like a dart than a thrust.]]
[[File:Richard Francis Burton in Africa.jpg|thumb|[[Conquer]] [[thyself]], till thou hast done this, thou art but a slave; for it is almost as well to be subjected to another's appetite as to thine own.]]
* '''Now the last hookah has gone out, and the most restless of our servants has turned in.''' The roof of the cabin is strewed with bodies anything but fragrant, indeed, we cannot help pitying the melancholy fate of poor [[w:Morpheus (mythology)|Morpheus]], who is traditionally supposed to encircle such sleepers with his soft arms. Could you believe it possible that through such a night as this they choose to sleep under those wadded cotton coverlets, and dread not instantaneous asphixiation?
** ''Goa, and The Blue Mountains; or, Six Months of Sick Leave'' (1851)
* '''Is not man born with a love of [[change]]''' — an Englishman to be discontented — an Anglo-Indian to grumble?
** ''Goa, and The Blue Mountains; or, Six Months of Sick Leave'' (1851)
* '''Travellers like [[poets]] are mostly an [[angry]] race.'''
** "Narrative of a Trip to Harar" (11 June 1855); published in ''The Journal of the Royal Geographical Society'' <!-- Vol. 25, pp.136-150 --> (June 1855)
* '''Presently our fire being exhausted, and the enemy pressing on with spear and javelin, the position became untenable; the tent was nearly battered down by clubs, and had we been entangled in its folds, we should have been killed without the power of resistance.''' I gave the word for a rush, and sallied out with my sabre, closely followed by Lieut. Herne, with Lieut. Speke in the rear. The former was allowed to pass through the enemy with no severer injury than a few hard blows with a war club. The latter was thrown down by a stone hurled at his chest and taken prisoner, a circumstance which we did not learn till afterwards. On leaving the tent I thought that I perceived the figure of the late Lieut. Stroyan lying upon the ground close to the camels. I was surrounded at the time by about a dozen of the enemy, whose clubs rattled upon me without mercy, and the strokes of my sabre were rendered uncertain by the energetic pushes of an attendant who thus hoped to save me. The blade was raised to cut him down: he cried out in dismay, and at that moment a Somali stepped forward, threw his spear so as to pierce my face, and retired before he could be punished. I then fell back for assistance, and the enemy feared pursuing us into the darkness. Many of our Somalis and servants were lurking about 100 yards from the fray, but nothing would persuade them to advance. The loss of blood causing me to feel faint, I was obliged to lie down, and, as dawn approached, the craft from Aynterad was seen apparently making sail out of the harbour.
** A brief account of the attack that left him scarred from a spearhead that entered one side of his face and exited the other, in "Narrative of a Trip to Harar" (11 June 1855); published in ''The Journal of the Royal Geographical Society'' <!-- Vol. 25, pp.136-150 --> (June 1855)
* '''How melancholy a thing is success.''' Whilst failure inspirits a man, attainment reads the sad prosy lesson that all our glories "Are shadows, not substantial things." Truly said the sayer, "disappointment is the salt of life" a salutary bitter which strengthens the mind for fresh exertion, and gives a double value to the prize.
** First Footsteps in East Africa (1856)
* '''Of the gladest moments in human life, methinks is the departure upon a distant journey to unknown lands.''' Shaking off with one mighty effort the fetters of habit, the leaden weight of Routine, the cloak of many Cares and the Slavery of Home, man feels once more happy. The blood flows with the fast circulation of childhood....afresh dawns the morn of life...
** Journal Entry (2 December 1856)
* Support a compatriot against a native, however the former may blunder or plunder.
**''Exploration of the Highlands of Brazil'' (1869)
* '''The recruit must be carefully and sedulously taught when meeting the enemy, even at a trot or canter, to use no force whatever, otherwise his [[sword]] will bury itself to the hilt, and the swordsman will either be dragged from his horse, or will be compelled to drop his weapon — if he can.''' Upon this point I may quote my own ''System of Bayonet Exercise'' (p. 27): — <br> "'''The instructor must spare no pains in preventing the soldier from using force, especially with the left or guiding arm, as too much exertion generally causes the thrust to miss. A trifling body-stab with the bayonet (I may add with the sword) is sufficient to disable a man; and many a promising young soldier has lost his life by burying his weapon so deep in the enemy's breast that it could not be withdrawn quickly enough to be used against a second assailant. To prevent this happening, the point must be delivered smartly, with but little exertion of force, more like a dart than a thrust, and instantly afterwards the bayonet must be smartly withdrawn.'''" In fact the thrust should consist of two movements executed as nearly simultaneously as possible; and it requires long habit, as the natural man, especially the Englishman, is apt to push home, and to dwell upon his slouching push.
** ''A New System of Sword Exercise for Infantry'' (1876)
* They walked the water's vasty breadth of blue,<br />parting the restless billows on their way.
** Translation of ''[[Os Lusíadas|The Lusiads]]'' (1880), Canto I, st. 19, p. 11
* Ah! where shall weary man take sanctuary,<br />where live his little span of life secure?<br />and 'scape of Heav'n serene th' indignant storms<br />that launch their thunders at us earthen worms?
** Translation of ''The Lusiads'', Canto I, st. 106, p. 40
* '''The dearest [[ambition]] of a [[slave]] is not [[liberty]] but to have a slave of his own.'''
**''The Book of The Thousand Nights And A Night'' (1885) When it was the Three Hundred and Sixtieth Night, footnote
* '''The more I study [[religions]] the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.'''
** ''The Book of The Thousand Nights And A Night'' (1885) Terminal Essay: Social Conditions, fn. 13.
* The England of our day would fain bring up both sexes and keep all ages in profound ignorance of sexual and intersexual relations; and the consequences of that imbecility are particularly cruel and afflicting. … '''Shall we ever understand that ignorance is not innocence?'''
** ''The Supplemental Nights'' (1888), quoted in ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'', Vol. II (1906), by Thomas Wright, p. 124
* I have struggled for forty-seven years, distinguishing myself honourably in every way that I possibly could. I never had a compliment, nor a "thank you," nor a single farthing. I translate [[Arabian Nights|a doubtful book]] in my old age, and I immediately make sixteen thousand guineas. Now that I know the tastes of England, we need never be without money.
** As quoted in ''The Life of Captain Sir Richd. F. Burton'', Vol. II (1893), by Lady Isabel Burton, p. 442
* '''Conquer thyself, till thou hast done this, thou art but a slave; for it is almost as well to be subjected to another's appetite as to thine own.'''
** As quoted in ''The New Dictionary of Thoughts: A Cyclopedia of Quotations from the Best Authors of the World, Both Ancient and Modern, Alphabetically Arranged by Subjects'' (1957) by [[Tryon Edwards]], p. 510
* Starting in a hollowed log of wood — some thousand miles up a river, with an infinitesimal prospect of returning! I ask myself 'Why?' and the only echo is 'damned fool!... the Devil drives'.
** Burton to [[w:Richard Monckton Milnes|Lord Houghton]] as quoted in ''The Devil Drives: A life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1984) by [[Fawn Brodie]].
=== ''[[w:The Kasidah|The Kasîdah of Hâjî Abdû El-Yezdî]]'' (1870) ===
[[File:Richardburtonarabicdress.JPG|thumb|right|Ne'er the self-same [[men]] shall meet; the years shall make us other men.]]
[[File:Thomas Cole - The Voyage of Life Old Age, 1842 (National Gallery of Art).jpg|thumb|right|Hardly we find the path of [[love]], to sink the [[self]], forget the "I," when sad suspicion grips the [[heart]], when Man, ''the'' Man begins to [[die]]...]]
:<small>"Hâjî Abdû El-Yezdî" was simply a pseudonym which Burton used as the author of this poem, originally crediting himself only as the "translator". [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/6036 Full text online at Project Gutenberg] [http://books.google.com/books?id=Dd8OAAAAQAAJ PDF and EPUB at Google (1880 edition)]</small>
[[File:Dance of Sufi Dervishes.jpg|thumb|We [[dance]] along [[Death]]'s icy brink, but is the dance less full of fun?]]
[[File:Hoeltzer24.jpg|thumb|How shall the Shown pretend to [[wikt:ken|ken]] aught of the Showman or the Show?]]
[[File:A Sufi in Ecstasy in a Landscape LACMA M.73.5.582.jpg|thumb|Unknown, Incomprehensible, whate'er you choose to call it, call; <br> But leave it vague as airy space, dark in its darkness mystical.]]
* The Translator has ventured to entitle a "Lay of the Higher Law" the following composition, which aims at being in advance of its time; and he has not feared the danger of collision with such unpleasant forms as the "Higher Culture." The principles which justify the name are as follows: —{{pb}}The Author asserts that Happiness and Misery are equally divided and distributed in the world.{{pb}}He makes Self-cultivation, with due regard to others, the sole and sufficient object of human life.{{pb}}He suggests that the affections, the sympathies, and the "divine gift of Pity" are man's highest enjoyments.{{pb}}'''He advocates suspension of judgment, with a proper suspicion of "Facts, the idlest of superstitions."'''{{pb}}'''Finally, although destructive to appearance, he is essentially reconstructive.'''{{pb}}For other details concerning the Poem and the Poet, the curious reader is referred to the end of the volume.
** Preface (November 1880)
;I
* '''Friends of my youth, a last adieu! haply some day we meet again; <br> Yet ne'er the self-same men shall meet; the years shall make us other men.'''
;III
* Hardly we find the path of love, to sink the self, forget the "I," <br> When sad suspicion grips the heart, when Man, ''the'' Man begins to die:
* '''How Thought is imp'otent to divine the secret which the gods defend, <br> The Why of birth and life and death, that Isis-veil no hand may rend.''' <br> Eternal Morrows make our day; our ''is'' is aye ''to be'' till when <br> Night closes in; 'tis all a dream, and yet we die, — and then and ''then''? <br>''' And still the Weaver plies his loom, whose warp and woof is wretched Man <br> Weaving th' unpattern'd dark design, so dark we doubt it owns a plan.'''
* '''Cease, Man, to mourn, to weep, to wail; enjoy thy shining hour of sun; <br> We dance along Death's icy brink, but is the dance less full of fun?'''
;IV
* There is no [[God]], no man-made God; a bigger, stronger, crueller man; <br> Black phantom of our baby-fears, ere Thought, the life of Life, began.
*'''How shall the Shown pretend to ken aught of the Showman or the Show?''' <br> Why meanly bargain to [[believe]], which only means thou ne'er canst [[know]]? <br> How may the passing [[Now]] contain the standing Now — [[Eternity]]? — <br> An endless ''is'' without a ''was'', the ''be'' and never the ''to-be''?
* Grant an [[Idea]], Primal Cause, the Causing Cause, why crave for more? <br> Why strive its depth and breadth to mete, to trace its work, its aid to íimplore? <br> '''Unknown, Incomprehensible, whate'er you choose to call it, call; <br> But leave it vague as airy space, dark in its darkness mystical.'''
* Your childish fears would seek a Sire, by the non-human God defined, <br> What your five wits may wot ye weet; what ''is'' you please to dub "designed;" <br> You bring down Heav'en to vulgar Earth; your maker like yourselves you make, <br> You quake to own a reign of Law, you pray the Law its laws to break; <br> '''You pray, but hath your thought e'er weighed how empty vain the prayer must be, <br> That begs a boon already giv'en, or craves a change of law to see?'''
* Man worships self: his God is Man; the struggling of the mortal mind <br> To form its model as 'twould be, the perfect of itself to find.
;V
* What call ye them or Goods or Ills, ill-goods, good-ills, a loss, a gain, <br> When realms arise and falls a roof; a world is won, a man is slain?
[[File:Whirling dervishes in Galata Mawlawi House, 1870.png|thumb|right|All [[Faith]] is false, all Faith is true: [[Truth]] is the shattered mirror strown in myriad bits; while each [[believes]] his little bit the whole to own.]]
;VI
* '''All [[Faith]] is false, all Faith is true: [[Truth]] is the shattered mirror strown <br> In myriad bits; while each believes his little bit the whole to own.'''
* What is the Truth? was askt of yore. Reply all object Truth is one<br>As twain of halves aye makes a whole; the moral Truth for all is none.
* As palace mirror'd in the stream, as vapour mingled with the skies,<br>So weaves the brain of mortal man the tangled web of Truth and Lies.
* What see we here? Forms, nothing more! Forms fill the brightest, strongest eye,<br>We know not substance; 'mid the shades shadows ourselves we live and die.
* "Faith mountains move" I hear: I see the practice of the world unheed<br>The foolish vaunt, the blatant boast that serves our vanity to feed. {{pb}} "Faith stands unmoved"; and why? Because man's silly fancies still remain,<br>And will remain till wiser man the day-dreams of his youth disdain.
* "'Tis blessed to believe"; you say: The saying may be true enow<br>And it can add to Life a light: — only remains to show us how.
* With God's foreknowledge man's free will! what monster-growth of human brain,<br>What powers of light shall ever pierce this puzzle dense with words inane?
* "Be ye Good Boys, go seek for Heav'en, come pay the priest that holds the key;"<br>So spake, and speaks, and aye shall speak the last to enter Heaven, — he.
* Yes Truth may be, but 'tis not Here; mankind must seek and find it There,<br>But Where nor I nor you can tell, nor aught earth-mother ever bare.{{pb}}Enough to think that Truth can be: come sit we where the roses glow,<br>'''Indeed he knows not how to know who knows not also how to 'unknow.' '''
;VII
[[File:Michael Lukas Leopold Willmann 001.jpg|thumb|Life is a ladder infinite-stepped, that hides its rungs from human eyes.]]
[[File:Ахмад Газали, беседующий с учеником.jpg|thumb|right|No break the chain of Being bears; all things began in unity; <br> And lie the links in regular line though haply none the sequence see.]]
<!--[[File:LabyrinthAtLEAF.JPG|thumb|right|[[Reason]] is [[Life]]'s sole arbiter, the [[magic]] Laby'rinth's single clue.]]-->
* '''Words, words that gender things!''' The soul is a new-comer on the scene;<br>Sufficeth not the breath of Life to work the matter-born machine? {{pb}} The race of Be'ing from dawn of Life in an unbroken course was run;<br>What men are pleased to call their Souls was in the hog and dog begun: {{pb}} Life is a ladder infinite-stepped, that hides its rungs from human eyes;<br>Planted its foot in chaos-gloom, its head soars high above the skies: {{pb}} No break the chain of Being bears; all things began in unity;<br>And lie the links in regular line though haply none the sequence see.
* "Th' immortal mind of mortal man!" we hear yon loud-lunged Zealot cry;<br>Whose mind but means his sum of thought, an essence of atomic "I."{{pb}} Thought is the work of brain and nerve, in small-skulled idiot poor and mean;<br>In sickness sick, in sleep asleep, and dead when Death lets drop the scene.
* "Tush!" quoth the Zahid, "well we ken the teaching of the school abhorr'd<br>"That maketh man automaton, mind a secretion, soul a word." {{pb}} "Of molecules and protoplasm you matter-mongers prompt to prate;<br>"Of jelly-speck development and apes that grew to man's estate." {{pb}} Vain cavil! all that is hath come either by Mir'acle or by Law; — <br>Why waste on this your hate and fear, why waste on that your love and awe?
* Is not the highest honour his who from the worst hath drawn the best;<br>May not your Maker make the world from matter, an it suit His hest? {{pb}} Nay more, the sordider the stuff the cunninger the workman's hand:<br>Cease, then, your own Almighty Power to bind, to bound, to understand.
* "[[Reason]] and Instinct!" How we love to play with words that please our pride;<br>Our noble race's mean descent by false forged titles seek to hide! {{pb}} For "gift divine" I bid you read the better work of higher brain,<br>From Instinct diff'ering in degree as golden mine from leaden vein.
* Reason is [[Life]]'s sole arbiter, the [[magic]] Laby'rinth's single clue:<br>Worlds lie above, beyond its ken; what crosses it can ne'er be true.
* "Fools rush where Angels fear to tread!" Angels and Fools have equal claim<br>To do what Nature bids them do, sans hope of praise, sans fear of blame!
[[File:Map of Persia, Turkey in Asia, Afghanistan, Beloochistan.jpg|thumb|Who e'er return'd to teach the [[Truth]], the things of Heaven and Hell to limn?]]
;VIII
* There is no Heav'en, there is no Hell; these be the dreams of baby minds,<br>Tools of the wily Fetisheer, to 'fright the fools his cunning blinds.<br>Learn from the mighty Spi'rits of old to set thy foot on Heav'en and Hell;<br>In Life to find thy hell and heav'en as thou abuse or use it well.
* Hard to the heart is final death: fain would an ''Ens'' not end in ''Nil'';<br>Love made the senti'ment kindly good: the Priest perverted all to ill.<br>While Reason sternly bids us die, Love longs for life beyond the grave:<br>Our hearts, affections, hopes and fears for Life-to-be shall ever crave.<br>Hence came the despot's darling dream, a Church to rule and sway the State;<br>Hence sprang the train of countless griefs in priestly sway and rule innate.<br>For future Life who dares reply? No witness at the bar have we;<br>Save what the brother Potsherd tells, — old tales and novel jugglery.<br>Who e'er return'd to teach the Truth, the things of Heaven and Hell to limn?<br>And all we hear is only fit for grandam-talk and nursery-hymn.
* "Who drinks one bowl hath scant delight; to poorest passion he was born;<br>"Who drains the score must e'er expect to rue the headache of the morn."<br>Safely he jogs along the way which "Golden Mean" the sages call;<br>Who scales the brow of frowning Alp must face full many a slip and fall.
[[File:Six Sufi masters.jpg|thumb|"You all are right, you all are wrong," we hear the [[Kenosis|careless]] [[Sufism|Soofi]] say.]]
* When doctors differ who decides amid the milliard-headed throng?<br>Who save the [[madman]] dares to cry: "'Tis I am right, you all are wrong"? <br> "You all are right, you all are [[wrong]]," we hear [[Kenosis|the careless]] [[Sufism|Soofi]] say, <br>"For each believes his glimm'ering lamp to be the gorgeous light of day."<br>"''Thy'' faith why false, ''my'' faith why true? 'tis all the work of Thine and Mine, <br>"The fond and foolish love of self that makes the Mine excel the Thine."<br>Cease then to mumble rotten bones; and strive to clothe with flesh and blood <br>The skel'eton; and to shape a Form that all shall hail as fair and good.
* Do what thy manhood bids thee do, from none but self expect applause; <br>He noblest lives and noblest dies who makes and keeps his self-made laws. <br> All other Life is living Death, a world where none but Phantoms dwell, <br>A breath, a wind, a sound, a voice, a tinkling of the camel-bell.
;IX
[[File:The Kasîdah (couplets) of Hâjî Abdû al-Yazdi; a lay of the higher law (IA cu31924013448117).pdf|thumb|This "I" may find a future [[Life]], a nobler copy of our own, where every riddle shall be ree'd, where every knowledge shall be known.]]
* From self-approval seek applause: What ken not men thou kennest, thou! <br> Spurn ev'ry idol others raise: Before thine own Ideal bow:<br> Be thine own Deus: Make self free, liberal as the circling air: <br> Thy Thought to thee an Empire be; break every prison'ing lock and bar.
* And hold [[Humanity]] one man, whose universal agony <br> Still strains and strives to gain the goal, where agonies shall cease to be. <br> Believe in all things; none believe; judge not nor warp by "[[Facts]]" the thought; <br> See clear, hear clear, tho' life may seem [[w:Maya (illusion)|Mâyâ]] and Mirage, Dream and Naught. <br> Abjure the Why and seek the How: the God and gods enthroned on high, <br> Are silent all, are silent still; nor hear thy voice, nor deign reply. <br> The [[Now]], that indivisible point which studs the length of [[infinite]] line <br> Whose ends are nowhere, is thine all, the puny all thou callest thine.
* Haply the Law that rules the world allows to man the widest range; <br> And haply Fate's a Theist-word, subject to human chance and change. <br> This "I" may find a future Life, a nobler copy of our own, <br> Where every riddle shall be ree'd, where every knowledge shall be known; <br> Where 'twill be man's to see the whole of what on Earth he sees in part; <br> Where change shall ne'er surcharge the thought; nor hope defer'd shall hurt the heart.
==== Note I: Hâjî Abdû, The Man ====
[[File:Richard Francis Burton tondo.jpg|thumb|He looks with impartial eye upon the endless variety of [[systems]], maintained with equal confidence and self-sufficiency, by men of equal ability and honesty.]]
<!--[[File:The Kasîdah (couplets) of Hâjî Abdû al-Yazdi (pseud.) a Lay of the higher law translated and annotated by his friend and pupil, F. B (IA kasdahcouplets00burtrich).pdf|thumb|He seeks to discover a system which will prove them all right, and all wrong; which will reconcile their differences; will unite past creeds; will account for the present, and will anticipate the future with a continuous and uninterrupted development.]]
[[File:The kasîdah of Hâjî Abdû el-Yezdî (IA kasdahofhjabdely00burt).pdf|thumb|With him suspension of judgment is a system.]]
[[File:Vittore carpaccio, visione di sant'agostino 01.jpg|thumb|The Pilgrim holds with [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]] Absolute Evil is impossible because it is always rising up into good.]]-->
[[File:Richard Frances Burton.jpg|thumb|His [[praise]] is reserved for: — Lives <br> Lived in obedience to the inner law <br> Which cannot alter.]]
* Hâjî Abdû has been known to me for more years than I care to record. A native, it is believed, of Dârabghird in the Yezd Province, he always preferred to style himself El-Hichmakani, a facetious "lackab" or surname, meaning "'''Of No-hall, Nowhere'''." He had travelled far and wide with his eyes open; as appears by his "couplets."
* He looks with impartial eye upon the endless variety of systems, maintained with equal confidence and self-sufficiency, by men of equal ability and honesty. He is weary of wandering over the world, and of finding every petty race wedded to its own opinions; claiming the monopoly of Truth; holding all others to be in error, and raising disputes whose violence, acerbity and virulence are in inverse ratio to the importance of the disputed matter. A peculiarly active and acute observation taught him that many of these jarring families, especially those of the same blood, are par in the intellectual processes of perception and reflection; that in the business of the visible working world they are confessedly by no means superior to one another; whereas in abstruse matters of mere Faith, not admitting direct and sensual evidence, one in a hundred will claim to be right, and immodestly charge the other ninety-nine with being wrong. {{pb}} Thus he seeks to discover a system which will prove them all right, and all wrong; which will reconcile their differences; will unite past creeds; will account for the present, and will anticipate the future with a continuous and uninterrupted development; this, too, by a process, not negative and distinctive, but, on the contrary, intensely positive and constructive. I am not called upon to sit in the seat of judgment; but I may say that it would be singular if the attempt succeeded. Such a system would be all-comprehensive, because not limited by space, time, or race; its principle would be extensive as Matter itself, and, consequently, eternal. Meanwhile he satisfies himself, — the main point.
* [[Christianity]] and [[Islam|Islamism]] have been on their trial for the last eighteen and twelve centuries. They have been ardent in proselytizing, yet they embrace only one-tenth and one-twentieth of the human race. Hâjî Abdû would account for the tardy and unsatisfactory progress of what their votaries call "pure truths," by the innate imperfections of the same. Both propose a reward for mere belief, and a penalty for simple unbelief; rewards and punishments being, by the way, very disproportionate. Thus they reduce everything to the scale of a somewhat unrefined [[egotism]]; and their demoralizing effects become clearer to every progressive age.
* The Hâjî regrets the excessive importance attached to a possible future state: he looks upon this as a psychical stimulant, a day dream, whose revulsion and reaction disorder waking life. The condition may appear humble and prosaic to those exalted by the fumes of Fancy, by a spiritual dram-drinking which, like the physical, is the pursuit of an ideal happiness. But he is too wise to affirm or to deny the existence of another [[world]]. For life beyond the grave there is no consensus of mankind. ... Even the instinctive sense of our kind is here dumb. We may believe what we are taught: we can know nothing. He would, therefore, cultivate that receptive mood which, marching under the shadow of mighty events, leads to the highest of goals, — the development of Humanity. With him suspension of judgment is a system.
* The "Schedule of Doctrines" of the most [[w:liberal Christian|liberal Christian]] Church insists upon human depravity, and the "absolute need of the Holy Spirit's agency in man's regeneration and sanctification." <br> But what have we here? The "original calamity" was either caused by God or arose without leave of God, in either case degrading God to man. It is the old dilemma whose horns are the irreconcilable attributes of goodness and omniscience in the supposed Creator of sin and suffering. If the one quality be predicable, the other cannot be predicable of the same subject. Far better and wiser is the essayist's poetical explanation now apparently despised because it was the fashionable doctrine of the sage bard's day:—{{pb}}All nature is but art{{pb}}All discord harmony not understood;{{pb}}All partial evil universal good.—(Essay 289—292.)
** Burton here quotes [[Alexander Pope]]'s ''[[w:An Essay on Man|An Essay on Man]]'' (1734)
* The Pilgrim holds with [[Augustine of Hippo|St. Augustine]] Absolute [[Evil]] is impossible because it is always rising up into good. He considers the theory of a beneficent or maleficent deity a purely sentimental fancy, contradicted by human reason and the aspect of the world.
* '''I am an individual … a [[circle]] touching and intersecting my neighbours at certain points, but nowhere corresponding, nowhere blending.''' Physically I am not identical in all points with other men. Morally I differ from them: in nothing do the approaches of knowledge, my five organs of sense (with their [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|Shelleyan]] "interpenetration"), exactly resemble those of any other being. ''Ergo'', the effect of the world, of life, of natural objects, will not in my case be the same as with the beings most resembling me. Thus I claim the right of creating or modifying for my own and private use, the system which most imports me; and if the reasonable leave be refused to me, I take it without leave. {{pb}} But my individuality, however all-sufficient for myself, is an infinitesimal point, an atom subject in all things to the Law of Storms called Life. I feel, I know that Fate is. But I cannot know what is or what is not fated to befall me. Therefore in the pursuit of perfection as an individual lies my highest, and indeed my only duty, the "I" being duly blended with the "We." I object to be a "self-less man," which to me denotes an inverted moral sense. I am bound to take careful thought concerning the consequences of every word and deed. When, however, the Future has become the Past, it would be the merest vanity for me to grieve or to repent over that which was decreed by universal Law.
* That creatures endowed with the mere possibility of liberty should not always choose the Good appears natural. But that of the milliards of human beings who have inhabited Earth, not one should have been found invariably to choose Good, proves how insufficient is the solution. Hence no one believes in the existence of the complete man under the present state of things. The Haji rejects all popular and mythical explanation by the Fall of "Adam," the innate depravity of human nature, and the absolute perfection of certain Incarnations, which argues their divinity. He can only wail over the prevalence of evil, assume its foundation to be error, and purpose to abate it by uprooting that Ignorance which bears and feeds it. {{pb}} His "[[w:Eschatology|eschatology]]," like that of the Soofis generally, is vague and shadowy.
* With Hâjî Abdû the [[soul]] is not material, for that would be a contradiction of terms. He regards it, with many moderns, as a state of things, not a thing; a convenient word denoting the sense of [[personality]], of individual [[identity]].
* The Pilgrim's sole consolation is in self-cultivation, and in the pleasures of the affections. This sympathy may be an indirect self-love, a reflection of the light of egotism: still it is so transferred as to imply a different system of convictions. It requires a different name: to call benevolence "self-love " is to make the fruit or flower not only depend upon a root for development (which is true), but the very root itself (which is false). And, finally, his ideal is of the highest: his praise is reserved for:<br> —Lives<br> Lived in obedience to the inner [[law]]<br> Which cannot alter.
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* A man that hoards up riches and enjoys them not, is like an ass that carries gold and eats thistles.
** 17th century proverb
* So much to learn!<br />Old Nature's ways<br />Of glee and gloom with rapt amaze<br />To study, probe, and paint – brown earth,<br />Salt sea, blue heavens, their tilth and dearth,<br />Birds, grasses, trees – the natural things<br />That throb or grope or poise on wings.
** Richard Eugene Burton, ''Memorial Day, And Other Poems'' (1897), 'So Much to Learn', p. 8<!--misattributed to Sir Richard Francis Burton in ''Gaither's Dictionary of Scientific Quotations'' (2012), p. 1505-->
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Burton ==
[[File:Isabel Burton-1861.jpg|thumb|Richard's idea was that every man, by doing all the [[good]] he could in this life, always working for others, for the human race, always acting "[[w:Excelsior|Excelsior]]," should leave a track of light behind him on this [[World]] as he passes through. ~ [[w:Isabel Burton|Isabel Burton]] ]]
[[File:Sir Richard Burton 1890.jpg|thumb|right|He is steel! He would go through you like a [[sword]]! ~ [[Bram Stoker]] ]]
[[File:Burtontomb1.jpg|thumb|All his life he loved to disguise himself. ~ [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]] ]]
[[File:Wingedheart.svg|thumb|right|By dint of plain living, high [[thinking]], and stifling generally the impulses of his nature, Burton became a Master [[Sufi]], and all his life he sympathised with, and to some extent practised Sufism. ~ [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]] ]]
<!--[[File:El Greco 019.jpg|thumb|Of [[Jesus|Christ]] he says: He had given an impetus to the [[progress]] of mankind by systematizing a religion of the highest moral loveliness, showing what an imperfect race can and may become. ~ [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]] ]]-->
* '''Richard's idea was that every man, by doing all the good he could in this [[life]], always working for others, for the human race, always acting "[[w:Excelsior|Excelsior]]," should leave a track of [[light]] behind him on this [[World]] as he passes through. His idea of [[God]] was so immeasurably grander than anything people are ''usually'' [[taught]] to think about God.''' It always seemed to him that we dwindled God down to our own mean imaginations; that we made something like ourselves, only bigger, and far crueller. There is some truth in this; we are always talking about God just as if we understood Him. His idea of a Divine Being was so infinite, so great, that to pray to Him was an impertinence; that it was monstrous that we should expect Him to alter one of His decrees, because ''we'' prayed for it; that He was a God of big universal love, but so far off, as to be far above anything we can understand.
** [[w:Isabel Burton|Isabel Burton]], in ''The Life of Captain Sir Richd. F. Burton'' (1893), p. 196
* He was, as has been well said, an [[w:Elizabethan era|Elizabethan]] born out of time; in the days of [[w: Francis Drake|Drake]] his very faults might have counted to his credit.
** ''Encyclopædia Britannica'', 11th ed. (1910–1911)
* It was not his nature to give up until all his strength had been expended.
** [[Philip José Farmer]], describing Burton's character in ''[[w:To Your Scattered Bodies Go|To Your Scattered Bodies Go]]'' (1971); Burton was one of the primary resurrected heroes in Farmer's ''[[w:Riverworld|Riverworld]]'' series.
* There seems little doubt that Burton was trying to project [[Sufi]] teaching in the West... In Sufism he finds a system of application to misguided faiths "which will prove them all right, and all wrong; which will reconcile their differences; will unite past creeds; will account for the present and will anticipate the future with a continuous and uninterrupted development."
** [[w:Idries Shah|Idries Shah]], in ''The Sufis'' (1964)
* Burton's strain of [[w:Romani people|Romany]] accounted for his vagabond tendencies, intolerant of all convention or restraint, which procured him the sobriquet of "Ruffian Dick" at Oxford and in his early days in India. Before middle age he had, as [[w:Edward Henry Stanley|Lord Derby]], said, "compressed into his life more of study, more of hardship, and more of successful enterprise and adventure than would have sufficed to fill up the existence of half a dozen ordinary men." {{pb}} This was the man Hugh had chosen for his "friend and companion," whose creed was, "A man should seek Honor, not honors," and whose motto ran, "''Omne solum forti patria''"— "every region is a strong man's home."
** [[w:Edward Hugh Sothern|Edward Hugh Sothern]], in ''The Melancholy Tale of "Me": My Remembrances'' (1916), p. 137
* I could not but be struck by the strangers. The lady was a big, handsome blonde woman, clever-looking and capable. But the man riveted my attention. He was dark, and forceful, and masterful, and ruthless. '''I have never seen so iron a countenance.''' I did not have much time to analyse the face; the bustle of arrival prevented that. But an instant was enough to make up my mind about him. We separated in the carriage after cordial wishes that we might meet again. When we were on the platform, I asked [[w:Henry Irving|Irving]]: <br> "Who is that man?" <br> "Why," he said, " I thought I introduced you!" <br> "So you did, but you did not mention the names of the others!" He looked at me for an instant and said inquiringly as though something had struck him: <br> "Tell me, why do you want to know?" <br> "Because," I answered, "I never saw any one like him. '''He is steel! He would go through you like a [[sword]]!'''" <br> "You are right!" he said. "But I thought you knew him. That is Burton — Captain Burton who went to Mecca!"
** [[Bram Stoker]], describing his first meeting of Burton and his wife on 13 August 1878, in ''Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving'' (1907), Vol. 1, p. Page 224
* My first impression of the man as of steel was consolidated and enhanced. He told us, amongst other things, of the work he had in hand. Three great books were partially done. The translation of the ''Arabian Nights'', the metrical translation of [[Luís de Camões|Camoëns]], and the ''Book of the Sword''. These were all works of vast magnitude and requiring endless research. But he lived to complete them all.
** [[Bram Stoker]], on a later meeting of Burton on 8 February 1879, in ''Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving'' (1907), Vol. 1, p. Page 225
* '''Burton had a most vivid way of putting things — especially of the East.''' He had both a fine imaginative power and a memory richly stored not only from study but from personal experience. As he talked, fancy seemed to run riot in its alluring power; and the whole world of thought seemed to flame with gorgeous colour. Burton ''knew'' the East. Its brilliant dawns and sunsets; its rich tropic vegetation, and its arid fiery deserts; its cool, dark mosques and temples; its crowded bazaars; its narrow streets; its windows guarded for out-looking and from in-looking eyes; the pride and swagger of its passionate men, and the mysteries of its veiled women; '''its romances; its beauty; its horrors.'''
** [[Bram Stoker]], on a meeting of Burton on 18 September 1886, in ''Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving'' (1907), Vol. 1, p. Page 230
* A living soul that had strength to quell <br> Hope the spectre and fear the spell, <br> Clear-eyed, content with a scorn sublime <br> And a faith superb, can it fare not well?
** [[Algernon Charles Swinburne]], "Verses on the Death of Richard Burton", in ''The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science, and Art'', Vol. 53 (1891), p. 506; the complete text can also be found at the end of [[w:Thomas Wright|Thomas Wright]]'s [http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/b/burton/richard/b97zw/chapter41.html ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton''] (1906)
* Souls there are that for soul’s affright <br> Bow down and cower in the sun’s glad sight, <br> Clothed round with faith that is one with fear, <br> And dark with doubt of the live world’s light. {{pb}} But him we hailed from afar or near <br> As boldest born of his kinsfolk here <br> And loved as brightest of souls that eyed <br> Life, time, and death with unchangeful cheer, {{pb}} A wider soul than the world was wide <br> Whose praise made love of him one with pride... <br> Who rode life's lists as a god might ride.
** Algernon Charles Swinburne, "Verses on the Death of Richard Burton", in ''The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science, and Art'', Vol. 53 (1891), p. 507
* But we that yearn for a friend’s face, — we <br> Who lack the light that on earth was he, — <br> Mourn, though the light be a quenchless flame <br> That shines as dawn on a tideless sea.
** Algernon Charles Swinburne, "Verses on the Death of Richard Burton", in ''The Eclectic Magazine of Foreign Literature, Science, and Art'', Vol. 53 (1891), p. 507
* Burton had the jaw of a devil and the brow of a god.
** Algernon Charles Swinburne, as quoted by [[Arthur Symons]], "A Neglected and Mysterious Genius", in ''The Forum'', Vol. 67 (1922), p. 240
* '''All his life he loved to disguise himself.''' We shall see him later as a Greek doctor, a Pathan Hakim, and an Arab shaykh. His shops had plenty of customers, for he was in the habit of giving the ladies, especially if they were pretty, "the heaviest possible weight for their money," though sometimes he would charge too much in order to induce them to chatter with him.
** [[Thomas Wright]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/4315 ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1906)], Ch. 10: Karachi. Love of Disguise
* In time, by dint of plain living, high thinking, and stifling generally the impulses of his nature, Burton became a Master [[Sufi]], and all his life he sympathised with, and to some extent practised Sufism.
** Thomas Wright, ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1906), Ch. 16: "Would you a Sufi be?"
* Burton now commenced to write a work to be called ''El Islam, or the History of Mohammedanism''; which, however, he never finished. It opens with an account of the rise of Christianity, his attitude to which resembled that of [[w:Ernest Renan|Renan]]. Of [[Jesus|Christ]] he says: "He had given an impetus to the progress of mankind by systematizing a religion of the highest moral loveliness, showing what an imperfect race can and may become." He then dilates on [[Paul of Tarsus|St. Paul]], who with a daring hand "rent asunder the ties connecting Christianity with Judaism." "He offered to the great family of man a Church with a Diety at its head and a religion peculiarly of principles. He left the moral code of Christianity untouched in its loveliness. After the death of St. Paul," continues Burton, "Christianity sank into a species of idolatry. The acme of stupidity was attained by the [[w:Stylites|Stylites]], who conceived that mankind had no nobler end than to live and die upon the capital of a column. When things were at their worst [[Muhammad|Mohammed]] first appeared upon the stage of life." The work was published in its unfinished state after Burton's death.
** Thomas Wright, ''The Life of Sir Richard Burton'' (1906), Ch. 28: El Islam
==See also==
* ''[[One Thousand and One Nights|Arabian Nights]]''
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline}}
*{{commonscat-inline}}
* [http://www.isidore-of-seville.com/burton/ Sir Richard F. Burton on the Web]
* [http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/b/burton/richard/ Online editions of Burton's works at the University of Adelaide]
* [http://www.wollamshram.ca/1001/burton.htm Selected online editions of Burton's texts]
* [http://www.miskatonic.org/history/burton-gordon.html Sir Richard Francis Burton and General Charles "Chinese" Gordon]
* {{gutenberg author| id=Richard+Francis+Burton | name=Richard Francis Burton}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Burton, Richard Francis}}
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[[File:Leonardo da Vinci - Self-Portrait - WGA12798.jpg|thumb|right|Good [[culture]] is born of a good disposition; and since the cause is more to be praised than the effect, I will rather praise a good disposition without culture, than good culture without the disposition.]]
'''[[w:Leonardo da Vinci|Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci]]''' ([[15 April]] [[1452]] – [[2 May]] [[1519]]) was an [[w:Italy|Italian]] [[w:Renaissance|Renaissance]] [[w:painter|painter]], [[w:architect|architect]], [[w:inventor|inventor]], [[w:engineer|engineer]], [[w:scientist|scientist]], [[w:sculptor|sculptor]], and [[w:musician|musician]]. His best known painting is the ''[[Mona Lisa]]''.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Eye Line of sight.jpg|thumb|The [[eye]] — which sees all objects reversed — retains the images for some time.]]
* '''[[Painting]] is [[poetry]] which is seen and not heard, and poetry is a painting which is heard but not seen.''' These two arts, you may call them both either poetry or painting, have here interchanged the [[senses]] by which they penetrate to the [[intellect]].
** ''[[w:Codex Urbinas|A Treatise on Painting]]'' (1651); "The Paragone"; compiled by [[w:Francesco Melzi|Francesco Melzi]] prior to 1542, first published as ''Trattato della pittura'' by Raffaelo du Fresne (1651)
* Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener.
** As quoted in ''The 48 Laws of Power'' (2000) by Robert Greene, p. 33<!-- Penguin isbn=0140280197 -->
*The painter strives and competes with nature...There is nothing in all nature without its reason. If you know the reason, you do not need the experience...
*Look at the grace and sweetness of men and women in the street...
*Thou, O God, sellest us all benefits, at the cost of our toil....
*As a day well spent makes sleep seem pleasant, so a life well employed makes death pleasant. A life well spent is long.
*It is the infinite alone that cannot be attained, for if it could it would become finite.
**[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/29904 ''Thoughts on Art and Life'', by Leonardo da Vinci], (1906)
* Fa vini potenti e assai, … e ‘l vino vale el più uno soldo il boccale e la libbra della vitella un soldo e ‘l sale 10 dinari, e ‘l simile il burro, ed è la loro libbra 30 once, e l’ova un soldo la soldata. ([[Italian language|Modern Italian]])
** He makes powerful and very strong wines, … and the wine is worth more than a penny per jug and the pound of veal a penny and the salt 10 denarii, and so is the butter, and their pound is 30 ounces, and the eggs a penny. (referring to the food products of Valtellina)
* Su per lago di Como di ver Lamagnia (Alemagna, cioè Germania) è valle di Ciavenna dove la Mera fiume mette in esso lago. Qui si truova montagni sterili e altissime chon grandi scogli ... In queste montagnie li uccielli d’acqua dette maragoni. Qui nasscie abeti, larici eppini, daini, stambuche, chamoze e teribili orsi. Non ci si pò montare se none a 4 piedi. Vannoci i villani a tempi delle nevi chon grande ingiegni per fare trabochare gli orsi giù per esse ripe. Queste montagni strette metano i(n) mezo il fiume. Sono a destra e assinistra per isspatio di miglia 20 tutti a detto modo.
** Up Lake Como towards Germany is the Chavenna Valley where the [[River Mera]] enters the lake. Here are barren and very high mountains with large rocks ... In these mountains the water birds called maragon. Here are born firs, larches and pines, fallow deer, ibexes, chamois and terrible bears. It cannot be mounted except by walking on all fours. There go the mountain men in snowy weather with great ingenuity to bring the bears down the mountains. These narrow mountains have the river in between. They are left and right for a space of 20 miles all like this.
=== ''[[s:Codex Arundel|Codex Arundel]]'' (Codex Leonardo, 1478–1519) ===
* '''Subito salse in me due cose: paura e desiderio: paura per la minacciante e scura spelonca, desiderio per vedere se là entro fusse alcuna miracolosa cosa.''' ([[Italian language|Ancient Italian]])
**At once two things came to mind: fear and desire: fear of the threatening dark cave, desire to see if there was anything miraculous within it.(referring to the "Cave of Acquabianca" or "La Ferrera" on Lake Comuntain).
=== ''[[s:Codex Atlanticus|Codex Atlanticus]]'' (Codex Leonardo, 1478–1519) ===
* truovasi di miglio i(n) miglio bone osteriee. ([[Italian language|Ancient Italian]])
** You can find good taverns from mile to mile.
* 3 miglia più in là si trova li edifici della vena del rame e dello argento, presso una terra detta Pra Santo Petro e vene di ferro e cose fantastiche. ([[Italian language|Ancient Italian]])
** 3 miles further on are the buildings of the vein of copper and silver, near a land called Prato San Pietro and veins of iron and fantastic things. (paper F.573)
=== ''[[s:The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci|The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci]]'' (1883) ===
:<small>These quotes are primarily from the published edition of [[w:Jean Paul Richter|Jean Paul Richter]] (1883), as translated into English by Mrs. R. C. Bell and [[w:Edward Poynter|Edward John Poynter]] <!-- (not all of them have been confirmed) --> </small>
==== I Prolegomena and General Introduction to the Book on Painting ====
[[File:0 The Vitruvian Man - by Leonardo da Vinci.jpg|thumb|Let no man who is not a [[Mathematician]] read the elements of my work.]]
[[File:Leonardo study Christ lastsupper.JPG|thumb|My works are the issue of [[pure]] and simple [[experience]], who is the one true mistress.]]
[[File:Leonardo equestrian monument.JPG|thumb|I know that many will call this useless work.]]
<!--[[File:Leonardo da Vinci - RCIN 912436, An eye in profile c.1490.jpg|thumb|Here forms, here colours, here the character of every part of the [[universe]] are concentrated to a point; and that point is so marvellous a thing … Oh! marvellous, O stupendous [[Necessity]] — by thy [[laws]] thou dost compel every effect to be the direct result of its cause, by the shortest path. ''These'' are [[miracles]].]]-->
* Let no man who is not a [[Mathematician]] read the elements of my work.
* As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.
* Life well spent is long.
* ''Tristo é lo discepolo che non avanza il suo maestro.''<!--Codex Forster III, 66 v-->
* ''Tristo è quel discepolo che non avanza il suo maestro.'' ([[Italian language|Modern Italian]])
** Poor is the pupil that does not surpass his master.
* Shun those studies in which the work that results dies with the worker.
* '''Whoever in discussion adduces [[authority]] uses not [[intellect]] but rather [[memory]].'''
** Variant translations:
** Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.
*** As quoted in ''The Book of Unusual Quotations'' (1957) by Rudolf Flesch, p. 12
** Any one who in discussion relies upon authority uses, not his understanding, but rather his memory.
* '''Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.'''
* It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
* [[Necessity]] is the mistress and guardian of [[Nature]].
* Human subtlety...will never devise an invention more beautiful, more simple or more direct than does nature, because in her inventions nothing is lacking, and nothing is superfluous.
** Richter II [http://books.google.de/books?id=A7dUhbBfmzMC&pg=PA126 p. 126 no. 837 books.google]
* Mechanics is the paradise of the mathematical sciences because by means of it one comes to the fruits of mathematics.
* I am not to blame for putting forward, in the course of my [[work]] on [[science]], any general [[rule]] derived from a previous conclusion.
* The Book of the [[science]] of Mechanics must precede the Book of useful inventions.
* Seeing that I can find no subject specially useful or pleasing — since the men who have come before me have taken for their own every useful or necessary theme — I must do like one who, being poor, comes last to the fair, and can find no other way of providing himself than by taking all the things already seen by other buyers, and not taken but refused by reason of their lesser value. I, then, will load my humble pack with this despised and rejected merchandise, the refuse of so many buyers; and will go about to distribute it, not indeed in great cities, but in the poorer towns, taking such a price as the wares I offer may be worth.
* I know that many will call this useless work.
* '''Though I may not, like them, be able to quote other authors, I shall rely on that which is much greater and more worthy — on experience, the mistress of their Masters.''' They go about puffed up and pompous, dressed and decorated with [the fruits], not of their own labours, but of those of others. And they will not allow me my own. They will scorn me as an inventor; but how much more might they — who are not inventors but vaunters and declaimers of the works of others — be blamed.
* '''Those men who are inventors and interpreters between Nature and Man, as compared with boasters and declaimers of the works of others, must be regarded and not otherwise esteemed than as the object in front of a mirror, when compared with its image seen in the mirror.''' For the first is something in itself, and the other nothingness. — Folks little indebted to Nature, since it is only by chance that they wear the human form and without it I might class them with the herds of beasts.
* '''Many will think they may reasonably blame me by alleging that my proofs are opposed to the authority of certain men held in the highest reverence by their inexperienced judgments; not considering that my works are the issue of pure and simple experience, who is the one true mistress. These rules are sufficient to enable you to know the true from the false — and this aids men to look only for things that are possible and with due moderation — and not to wrap yourself in ignorance, a thing which can have no good result, so that in despair you would give yourself up to melancholy.'''
* Among all the studies of natural causes and reasons Light chiefly delights the beholder; and among the great features of Mathematics the certainty of its demonstrations is what preeminently (tends to) elevate the mind of the investigator. Perspective, therefore, must be preferred to all the discourses and systems of human learning. In this branch [of science] the beam of light is explained on those methods of demonstration which form the glory not so much of Mathematics as of Physics and are graced with the flowers of both.
* If the Lord — who is the light of all things — vouchsafe to enlighten me, I will treat of Light; wherefore I will divide the present work into 3 Parts... Linear Perspective, The Perspective of Colour, The Perspective of Disappearance.
* These rules are of use only in correcting the figures; since every man makes some mistakes in his first compositions and he who knows them not, cannot amend them. But you, knowing your errors, will correct your works and where you find mistakes amend them, and remember never to fall into them again. But if you try to apply these rules in composition you will never make an end, and will produce confusion in your works.
* These rules will enable you to have a free and sound judgment; since good judgment is born of clear understanding, and a clear understanding comes of reasons derived from sound rules, and sound rules are the issue of sound experience — the common mother of all the sciences and arts. Hence, bearing in mind the precepts of my rules, you will be able, merely by your amended judgment, to criticise and recognise every thing that is out of proportion in a work, whether in the perspective or in the figures or any thing else.
* Those who are in love with practice without knowledge are like the sailor who gets into a ship without rudder or compass and who never can be certain whether he is going. Practice must always be founded on sound theory, and to this Perspective is the guide and the gateway; and without this nothing can be done well in the matter of drawing.
* The painter who draws merely by practice and by eye, without any reason, is like a mirror which copies every thing placed in front of it without being conscious of their existence.
* '''Here forms, here colours, here the character of every part of the universe are concentrated to a point; and that point is so marvellous a thing … Oh! marvellous, O stupendous Necessity — by thy laws thou dost compel every effect to be the direct result of its cause, by the shortest path. ''These'' are miracles...'''
** Of the eye
* '''The eye which turns from a white object in the light of the sun and goes into a less fully lighted place will see everything as dark.'''
* '''The eye — which sees all objects reversed — retains the images for some time.''' This conclusion is proved by the results; because, the eye having gazed at light retains some impression of it. After looking (at it) there remain in the eye images of intense brightness, that make any less brilliant spot seem dark until the eye has lost the last trace of the impression of the stronger light.
==== II Linear Perspective ====
[[File:Codice Atlantico - Perspectograph.jpg|thumb|The boundaries of bodies are the least of all things.]]
[[File:Leonardo, Studio per l'Adorazione dei Magi, Uffizi.jpg|thumb|right|Drawing is based upon perspective, which is nothing else than a thorough knowledge of the function of the eye.]]
[[File:פרספקטיבה - הסעודה האחרונה.jpg|thumb|right|The ''Pyramid'' is the name I apply to the lines which, starting from the surface and edges of each object, converge from a distance and meet in a single point.]]
[[File:Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) - The Last Supper (1495-1498).jpg|thumb|right|The instant the atmosphere is illuminated it will be filled with an infinite number of images which are produced by the various bodies and colours assembled in it. And the eye is the target, a lodestone, of these images.]]
* '''A point is not part of a line.'''
* '''The smallest natural point is larger than all mathematical points, and this is proved because the natural point has continuity, and any thing that is continuous is infinitely divisible; but the mathematical point is indivisible because it has no size.'''
* '''Nothing is that which fills no space.''' If one single point placed in a circle may be the starting point of an infinite number of lines, and the termination of an infinite number of lines, there must be an infinite number of points separable from this point, and these when reunited become one again; whence it follows that the part may be equal to the whole.
* '''The point, being indivisible, occupies no space. That which occupies no space is nothing.''' The limiting surface of one thing is the beginning of another.
* '''That which has no limitations, has no form.''' The limitations of two conterminous bodies are interchangeably the surface of each. All the surfaces of a body are not parts of that body.
* '''The line has in itself neither matter nor substance and may rather be called an imaginary idea than a real object; and this being its nature it occupies no space. Therefore an infinite number of lines may be conceived of as intersecting each other at a point, which has no dimensions and is only of the thickness (if thickness it may be called) of one single line.
* '''The boundaries of bodies are the least of all things.''' The proposition is proved to be true, because the boundary of a thing is a surface, which is not part of the body contained within that surface; nor is it part of the air surrounding that body, but is the medium interposted between the air and the body, as is proved in its place.
* '''Drawing is based upon perspective, which is nothing else than a thorough knowledge of the function of the eye.''' And this function simply consists in receiving in a pyramid the forms and colours of all the objects placed before it. I say in a pyramid, because there is no object so small that it will not be larger than the spot where these pyramids are received into the eye. Therefore, if you extend the lines from the edges of each body as they converge you will bring them to a single point, and necessarily the said lines must form a pyramid.
* Perspective is nothing more than a rational demonstration applied to the consideration of how objects in front of the eye transmit their image to it, by means of a pyramid of lines. The ''Pyramid'' is the name I apply to the lines which, starting from the surface and edges of each object, converge from a distance and meet in a single point.
* '''All objects transmit their image to the eye in pyramids, and the nearer to the eye these pyramids are intersected the smaller will the image appear of the objects which cause them.'''
* '''The instant the atmosphere is illuminated it will be filled with an infinite number of images which are produced by the various bodies and colours assembled in it. And the eye is the target, a lodestone, of these images.'''
* That the atmosphere attracts to itself, like a lodestone, all the images of the objects that exist in it, and not their forms merely but their nature may be clearly seen by the sun, which is a hot and luminous body. All the atmosphere, which is the all-pervading matter, absorbs light and heat, and reflects in itself the image of the source of that heat and splendor and, in each minutest portion, does the same. The north pole does the same as the lode stone shows; and the moon and the other planets, without suffering any diminution, do the same.
* '''All bodies together, and each by itself, give off to the surrounding air an infinite number of images which are all-pervading and each complete, each conveying the nature, colour and form of the body which produces it.'''
* Every body in light and shade fills the surrounding air with infinite images of itself; and these, by infinite pyramids diffused in the air, represent this body throughout space and on every side.
* '''The body of the atmosphere is full of infinite radiating pyramids produced by the objects existing in it.''' These intersect and cross each other with independent convergence without interfering with each other and pass through all the surrounding atmosphere; and are of equal force and value — all being equal to each, each to all. And by means of these, images of the body are transmitted everywhere and on all sides, and each receives in itself every minutest portion of the object that produces it.
* '''The air is filled with endless images of the objects distributed in it; and all are represented in all, and all in one, and all in each''', whence it happens that if two mirrors are placed in such a manner as to face each other exactly, the first will be reflected in the second and the second in the first. The first being reflected in the second takes to it the image of itself with all the images represented in it, among which is the image of the second mirror, and so, image within image, they go on to infinity in such a manner as that each mirror has within it a mirror, each smaller than the last and one inside the other. Thus, by this example, it is clearly proved that every object sends its image to every spot whence the object itself can be seen; and the converse: That the same object may receive in itself all the images of the objects that are in front of it.
* '''All objects project their whole image and likeness, diffused and mingled in the whole of the atmosphere, opposite to themselves.''' The image of every point of the bodily surface, exists in every part of the atmosphere. All the images of the objects are in every part of the atmosphere.
* It is impossible that the eye should project from itself, by visual rays, the visual virtue, since, as soon as it opens, that front portion [of the eye] which would give rise to this emanation would have to go forth to the object and this it could not do without time. And this being so, it could not travel so high as the sun in a month's time when the eye wanted to see it.
* All the rays which convey the images of objects through the air are straight lines. Hence, if the images of very large bodies have to pass through very small holes, and beyond these holes recover their large size, the lines must necessarily intersect.
* O neglectful Nature, wherefore art thou thus partial, becoming to some of thy children a tender and benignant mother, to others a most cruel and ruthless stepmother? I see thy children given into slavery to others without ever receiving any benefit, and in lieu of any reward for the services they have done for them they are repaid by the severest punishments.
* The [[w:Medici|Medici]] created and destroyed me.
====III Six books on Light and Shade====
[[File:Mona Lisa, by Leonardo da Vinci, from C2RMF retouched.jpg|thumb|Shadow is the means by which bodies display their form. The forms of bodies could not be understood in detail but for shadow.]]
<!--[[File:Leonardo-da-vinci-posible-autorretrato-del-artista-galeria-de-los-uffizi-florencia 1c92d9d7 2.png|thumb|No small hole can so modify the convergence of rays of light as to prevent, at a long distance, the transmission of the true form of the luminous body causing them.]]-->
* '''Shadow is not the absence of light, merely the obstruction of the luminous rays by an opaque body.''' Shadow is of the nature of darkness. Light is of the nature of a luminous body; one conceals and the other reveals. They are always associated and inseparable from all objects. But shadow is a more powerful agent than light, for it can impede and entirely deprive bodies of their light, while light can never entirely expel shadow from a body, that is from an opaque body.
* '''Shadow is the diminution alike of light and of darkness, and stands between darkness and light.'''
* '''A shadow may be infinitely dark, and also of infinite degrees of absence of darkness. The beginnings and ends of shadow lie between the light and darkness and may be infinitely diminished and infinitely increased. Shadow is the means by which bodies display their form. The forms of bodies could not be understood in detail but for shadow.'''
* '''Shadow partakes of the nature of universal matter.''' All such matters are more powerful in their beginning and grow weaker towards the end, I say at the beginning, whatever their form or condition may be and whether visible or invisible. And it is not from small beginnings that they grow to a great size in time; as it might be a great oak which has a feeble beginning from a small acorn. Yet I may say that the oak is most powerful at its beginning, that is where it springs from the earth, which is where it is largest.
* '''Darkness is absence of light. Shadow is diminution of light.'''
* '''Light is the chaser away of darkness. Shade is the obstruction of light.''' Primary light is that which falls on objects and causes light and shade. And derived lights are those portions of a body which are illuminated by the primary light. A primary shadow is that side of a body on which the light cannot fall.
* The eye can best distinguish the forms of objects when it is placed between the shaded and the illuminated parts.
* The outlines and form of any part of a body in light and shade are indistinct in the shadows and in the high lights; but in the portions between the light and the shadows they are highly conspicuous.
* A single and distinct luminous body causes stronger relief in the object than a diffused light; as may be seen by comparing one side of a landscape illuminated by the sun, and one overshadowed by clouds, and so illuminated only by the diffused light of the atmosphere.
* '''The body which is nearest to the light casts the largest shadow, and why?''' If an object placed in front of a single light is very close to it you will see that it casts a very large shadow on the opposite wall, and the farther you remove the object from the light the smaller will the image of the shadow become.
* If you transmit the rays of the sun through a hole in the shape of a [[star]] you will see a beautiful effect of perspective in the spot where the sun's rays fall.
* '''No small hole can so modify the convergence of rays of light as to prevent, at a long distance, the transmission of the true form of the luminous body causing them.'''
==== IV Perspective of Disappearance====
* I ask how far away the eye can discern a non-luminous body, as, for instance, a mountain. It will be very plainly visible if the sun is behind it; and could be seen at a greater or less distance according to the sun's place in the sky.
* When you represent in your work shadows which you can only discern with difficulty, and of which you cannot distinguish the edges so that you apprehend them confusedly, you must not make them sharp or definite lest your work should have a wooden effect.
* A shadow will appear dark in proportion to the brilliancy of the light surrounding it and conversely it will be less conspicuous where it is seen against a darker background.
* A dark object seen against a bright background will appear smaller than it is. A light object will look larger when it is seen against a background darker than itself.
* A luminous body when obscured by a dense atmosphere will appear smaller; as may be seen by the moon or sun veiled by fogs.
* Of several luminous bodies of equal size and brilliancy and at an equal distance, that will look the largest which is surrounded by the darkest background.
* I find that any luminous body when seen through a dense and thick mist diminishes in proportion to its distance from the eye. Thus it is with the sun by day, as well as the moon and the other eternal lights by night. And when the air is clear, these luminaries appear larger in proportion as they are farther from the eye.
* A luminous body will appear more brilliant in proportion as it is surrounded by deeper shadow.
==== VI Perspective of Colour and Aerial Perspective====
* The variety of colour in objects cannot be discerned at a great distance, excepting in those parts which are directly lighted up by the solar rays.
==== VII On the Proportions and on the Movements of the Human Figure====
* Experience shows us that the air must have darkness beyond it and yet it appears blue. If you produce a small quantity of smoke from dry wood and the rays of the sun fall on this smoke, and if you then place behind the smoke a piece of black velvet on which the sun does not shine, you will see that all the smoke which is between the eye and the black stuff will appear of a beautiful blue colour. And if instead of the velvet you place a white cloth smoke, that is too thick smoke, hinders, and too thin smoke does not produce, the perfection of this blue colour. Hence a moderate amount of smoke produces the finest blue.
* The atmosphere is blue by reason of the darkness above it because black and white make blue.
==== VIII Botany for Painters and Elements of Landscape Painting====
* The sun gives spirit and life to plants and the earth nourishes them with moisture.
====IX The Practice of Painting====
[[File:Madonna_z_goździkiem,_Leonardo_da_Vinci.jpg|thumb|A picture or representation of human figures, ought to be done in such a way as that the spectator may easily recognise, by means of their attitudes, the purpose in their minds.]]
[[File:Leonardo da Vinci - Saint John the Baptist C2RMF retouched.jpg|thumb|right|A picture or representation of human figures, ought to be done in such a way as that the spectator may easily recognise, by means of their attitudes, the [[purpose]] in their [[minds]].]]
[[File:Madonna with the Yarnwinder 1501.jpg |thumb|right|What is fair in men, passes away, but not so in [[art]].]]
* '''Many are they who have a taste and love for drawing, but no talent; and this will be discernible in boys who are not diligent and never finish their drawings with shading.'''
* I myself have proved it to be of no small use, when in bed in the dark, to recall in fancy the external details of forms previously studied, or other noteworthy things conceived by subtle speculation; and this is certainly an admirable exercise, and useful for impressing things on the memory.
* If you are representing a white body let it be surrounded by ample space, because as white has no colour of its own, it is tinged and altered in some degree by the colour of the objects surrounding it.
* '''A picture or representation of human figures, ought to be done in such a way as that the spectator may easily recognise, by means of their attitudes, the purpose in their minds. '''Thus, if you have to represent a man of noble character in the act of speaking, let his gestures be such as naturally accompany good words; and, in the same way, if you wish to depict a man of a brutal nature, give him fierce movements; as with his arms flung out towards the listener, and his head and breast thrust forward beyond his feet, as if following the speaker's hands. Thus it is with a deaf and dumb person who, when he sees two men in conversation — although he is deprived of hearing — can nevertheless understand, from the attitudes and gestures of the speakers, the nature of their discussion.
* '''When you wish to represent a man speaking to a number of people, consider the matter of which he has to treat and adapt his action to the subject.''' Thus, if he speaks persuasively, let his action be appropriate to it. If the matter in hand be to set forth an argument, let the speaker, with the fingers of the right hand hold one finger of the left hand, having the two smaller ones closed; and his face alert, and turned towards the people with mouth a little open, to look as though he spoke; and if he is sitting let him appear as though about to rise, with his head forward. If you represent him standing make him leaning slightly forward with body and head towards the people. These you must represent as silent and attentive, all looking at the orator's face with gestures of admiration; and make some old men in astonishment at the things they hear, with the corners of their mouths pulled down and drawn in, their cheeks full of furrows, and their eyebrows raised, and wrinkling the forehead where they meet.
* '''The motions of men must be such as suggest their dignity or their baseness.'''
* '''Represent your figures in such action as may be fitted to express what purpose is in the mind of each; otherwise your art will not be admirable.'''
* '''What is fair in men, passes away, but not so in [[art]].'''
* If you condemn painting, which is the only imitator of all visible works of nature, you will certainly despise a subtle invention which brings philosophy and subtle speculation to the consideration of the nature of all forms — seas and plains, trees, animals, plants and flowers — which are surrounded by shade and light. And this is true knowledge and the legitimate issue of nature; for painting is born of nature — or, to speak more correctly, we will say it is the grandchild of nature; for all visible things are produced by nature, and these her children have given birth to painting. Hence we may justly call it the grandchild of nature and related to God.
* '''The eye, which is called the window of the soul, is the principal means by which the central sense can most completely and abundantly appreciate the infinite works of nature; and the ear is the second, which acquires dignity by hearing of the things the eye has seen.''' If you, historians, or poets, or mathematicians had not seen things with your eyes you could not report of them in writing. And if you, O poet, tell a story with your pen, the painter with his brush can tell it more easily, with simpler completeness and less tedious to be understood. And if you call painting dumb poetry, the painter may call poetry blind painting. Now which is the worse defect? to be blind or dumb? Though the poet is as free as the painter in the invention of his fictions they are not so satisfactory to men as paintings; for, though poetry is able to describe forms, actions and places in words, the painter deals with the actual similitude of the forms, in order to represent them. Now tell me which is the nearer to the actual man: the name of man or the image of the man. '''The name of man differs in different countries, but his form is never changed but by death.'''
* The painter strives and competes with nature.
====X Studies and Sketches for Pictures and Decorations====
[[File:Bacchus (painting).jpg |thumb|right|[[Truth]] at last cannot be hidden. Dissimulation is of no avail. Dissimulation is to no [[purpose]] before so great a [[judge]]. … [[Nothing]] is hidden under the [[sun]].]]
[[File:Leonardo, san girolamo 2.jpg |thumb|right| Movement will cease before we are weary of being useful.]]
* '''We, by our [[arts]] may be called the grandsons of [[God]].'''
* Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a [[star]] does not change his [[mind]].
* Ivy is of longevity.
** ''Variant'': Ivy is [a type] of longevity.
* '''[[Fire]] destroys falsehood, that is sophistry, and restores [[truth]], driving out [[darkness]].'''
* Fire may be represented as the destroyer of all sophistry, and as the image and demonstration of truth; because it is [[light]] and drives out darkness which conceals all essences [or subtle things].
* Fire destroys all sophistry, that is deceit; and maintains truth alone, that is gold.
* '''[[Truth]] at last cannot be hidden. Dissimulation is of no avail. Dissimulation is to no [[purpose]] before so great a [[judge]]. Falsehood puts on a [[mask]]. [[Nothing]] is hidden under the [[sun]].'''
* Fire is to represent [[truth]] because it destroys all sophistry and lies; and the mask is for lying and falsehood which conceal truth.
* '''Movement will cease before we are weary of being useful.'''
* Movement will fail sooner than usefulness.
* When the sun appears which dispels darkness in general, you put out the light which dispelled it for you in particular for your need and convenience.
* '''Constancy does not begin, but is that which perseveres.'''
* [[Love]], [[Fear]], and Esteem, — Write these on three stones.
** "Of servants"
* [[Fame]] alone raises herself to Heaven, because virtuous things are in favour with [[God]].
* Disgrace should be represented upside down, because all her deeds are contrary to God and tend to [[hell]].
* '''[[Nothing]] is so much to be feared as [[Evil]] Report.
* I am still hopeful. A [[falcon]], [[Time]]. But the coincidence is probably accidental.
* [[Truth]] here makes Falsehood torment lying tongues.
* Such as harm is when it hurts me not, is good which avails me not.
* He who offends others, does not secure himself.
* One's thoughts turn towards [[Hope]].
** By the side of this passage is a sketch of a cage with a bird sitting in it.
====XI The Notes on Sculpture====
[[File:Leonardo da Vinci - Study for an equestrian monument (recto) - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|Of the horse I will say nothing because I know the times.]]
* If you wish to make a figure in marble, first make one of clay, and when you have finished it, let it dry and place it in a case which should be large enough, after the figure is taken out of it, to receive also the marble, from which you intend to reveal the figure in imitation of the one in clay.
* Sculptured figures which appear in motion, will, in their standing position, actually look as if they were falling forward.
* To manage the large mould make a model of the small mould, make a small room in proportion.
* '''Of the horse I will say nothing because I know the times.'''
** This relates to a huge equestrian statue that Leonardo had been commissioned to design and create, but which was not cast until over 500 years later, in 1999, when two huge statues based upon his design were finally made. (c.1497)
====XIV Anatomy, Zoology and Physiology====
* The Common Sense, is that which judges of things offered to it by the other senses. The ancient speculators have concluded that that part of man which constitutes his judgment is caused by a central organ to which the other five senses refer everything by means of impressibility; and to this centre they have given the name Common Sense. And they say that this Sense is situated in the centre of the head between Sensation and Memory. And this name of Common Sense is given to it solely because it is the common judge of all the other five senses ''i.e.'' Seeing, Hearing, Touch, Taste and Smell. This Common Sense is acted upon by means of Sensation which is placed as a medium between it and the senses. Sensation is acted upon by means of the images of things presented to it by the external instruments, that is to say the senses which are the medium between external things and Sensation. In the same way the senses are acted upon by objects. Surrounding things transmit their images to the senses and the senses transfer them to the Sensation. Sensation sends them to the Common Sense, and by it they are stamped upon the memory and are there more or less retained according to the importance or force of the impression.
* '''Though human ingenuity may make various inventions which, by the help of various machines answering the same end, it will never devise any inventions more beautiful, nor more simple, nor more to the purpose than Nature does; because in her inventions nothing is wanting, and nothing is superfluous, and she needs no counterpoise when she makes limbs proper for motion in the bodies of animals. But she puts into them the soul of the body, which forms them that is the soul of the mother which first constructs in the womb the form of the man and in due time awakens the soul that is to inhabit it.
* The soul seems to reside in the judgment, and the judgment would seem to be seated in that part where all the senses meet; and this is called the Common Sense and is not all-pervading throughout the body, as many have thought. Rather is it entirely in one part. Because, if it were all-pervading and the same in every part, there would have been no need to make the instruments of the senses meet in one centre and in one single spot; on the contrary it would have sufficed that the eye should fulfil the function of its sensation on its surface only, and not transmit the image of the things seen, to the sense, by means of the optic nerves, so that the soul — for the reason given above — may perceive it in the surface of the eye.
* King of the animals — as thou hast described him — I should rather say king of the beasts, thou being the greatest — because thou hast spared slaying them, in order that they may give thee their children for the benefit of the gullet, of which thou hast attempted to make a sepulchre for all animals; and I would say still more, if it were allowed me to speak the entire truth . But we do not go outside human matters in telling of one supreme wickedness, which does not happen among the animals of the earth, inasmuch as among them are found none who eat their own kind, unless through want of sense.
* Our life is made by the death of others.
====XV Astronomy====
[[File:Leonardo-Earthshine.png|thumb|right|The earth is not in the centre of the Sun's orbit nor at the centre of the universe, but in the centre of its companion elements, and united with them.]]
* '''The earth is not in the centre of the Sun's orbit nor at the centre of the universe, but in the centre of its companion elements, and united with them.''' And any one standing on the moon, when it and the sun are both beneath us, would see this our earth and the element of water upon it just as we see the moon, and the earth would light it as it lights us.
====XVI Physical Geography====
* And if you should say that the shells were carried by the waves, being empty and dead, I say that where the dead went they were not far removed from the living; for in these mountains living ones are found, which are recognisable by the shells being in pairs; and they are in a layer where there are no dead ones; and a little higher up they are found, where they were thrown by the waves, all the dead ones with their shells separated, near to where the rivers fell into the sea, to a great depth; like the Arno which fell from the Gonfolina near to Monte Lupo, where it left a deposit of gravel which may still be seen, and which has agglomerated; and of stones of various districts, natures, and colours and hardness, making one single conglomerate. And a little beyond the sandstone conglomerate a tufa has been formed, where it turned towards Castel Florentino; farther on, the mud was deposited in which the shells lived, and which rose in layers according to the levels at which the turbid Arno flowed into that sea. And from time to time the bottom of the sea was raised, depositing these shells in layers, as may be seen in the cutting at Colle Gonzoli, laid open by the Arno which is wearing away the base of it; in which cutting the said layers of shells are very plainly to be seen in clay of a bluish colour, and various marine objects are found there. And if the earth of our hemisphere is indeed raised by so much higher than it used to be, it must have become by so much lighter by the waters which it lost through the rift between Gibraltar and Ceuta; and all the more the higher it rose, because the weight of the waters which were thus lost would be added to the earth in the other hemisphere. And if the shells had been carried by the muddy deluge they would have been mixed up, and separated from each other amidst the mud, and not in regular steps and layers — as we see them now in our time.
====XVII Topographical Notes====
* Men born in hot countries love the night because it refreshes them and have a horror of light because it burns them; and therefore they are of the colour of night, that is black. And in cold countries it is just the contrary. Therefore you need complementary to find equal balance amongst everything.
====XIX Philosophical Maxims. Morals. Polemics and Speculations.====
[[File:Labor-Pearce-Highsmith-detail-1.jpeg|thumb|Thou, O God, dost sell us all good things at the price of labour.]]
[[File:The babe in the womb; Leonardo da Vinci (1511).JPG|thumb|Science is the observation of things possible, whether present or past; prescience is the knowledge of things which may come to pass, though but slowly.]]
[[File:Leonardo da vinci, Allegory with wolf and eagle.jpg|thumb|The acquisition of any knowledge is always of use to the intellect, because it may thus drive out useless things and retain the good. For nothing can be loved or hated unless it is first known.]]
[[File:Leonardo da Vinci - unknown drawing of androgyn corpus with two heads.jpg|thumb|You do ill if you praise, and still worse if you reprove in a matter you do not understand.]]
[[File:Rubens Anghiarischlacht2.jpg |thumb|It is easier to contend with evil at the first than at the last.]]
* I obey Thee Lord, first for the love I ought, in all reason to bear Thee; secondly for that Thou canst shorten or prolong the lives of men.
* '''Thou, O God, dost sell us all good things at the price of labour.'''
* O admirable impartiality of Thine, Thou first Mover; Thou hast not permitted that any force should fail of the order or quality of its necessary results.
* '''Necessity is the mistress and guide of nature.'''
* '''Necessity is the theme and the inventress, the eternal curb and law of nature.'''
* In many cases one and the same thing is attracted by two strong forces, namely Necessity and Potency. Water falls in rain; the earth absorbs it from the necessity for moisture; and the sun evaporates it, not from necessity, but by its power.
* Weight, force and casual impulse, together with resistance, are the four external powers in which all the visible actions of mortals have their being and their end.
* '''Our body is dependent on heaven and heaven on the Spirit.'''
* '''The motive power is the cause of all life.'''
* O Man, who will discern in this work of mine the wonderful works of Nature, if you think it would be a criminal thing to destroy it, reflect how much more criminal it is to take the life of a man; and if this, his external form, appears to thee marvellously constructed, remember that it is nothing as compared with the soul that dwells in that structure; for that indeed, be it what it may, is a thing divine. Leave it then to dwell in His work at His good will and pleasure, and let not your rage or malice destroy a life — for indeed, he who does not value it, does not himself deserve it.
* '''The part always has a tendency to reunite with its whole in order to escape from its imperfection.'''
* '''Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than with the imagination being awake?'''
* The senses are of the earth; Reason, stands apart in contemplation.
* Every action needs to be prompted by a motive. '''To know and to will are two operations of the human mind. Discerning, judging, deliberating are acts of the human mind.'''
* All our knowledge has its origin in our perceptions.
* '''[[Science]] is the [[observation]] of things possible, whether present or past; prescience is the knowledge of things which may come to pass, though but slowly.'''
* Experience, the interpreter between formative nature and the human race, teaches how that nature acts among mortals; and being constrained by necessity cannot act otherwise than as reason, which is its helm, requires her to act.
* '''Wisdom is the daughter of experience.'''
* '''Nature is full of infinite causes that have never occurred in experience.'''
* '''Truth was the only daughter of Time.'''
* '''Experience never errs'''; it is only your judgments that err by promising themselves effects such as are not caused by your experiments.
* '''Experience does not err; only your judgments err by expecting from her what is not in her power.''' Men wrongly complain of Experience; with great abuse they accuse her of leading them astray but they set Experience aside, turning from it with complaints as to our ignorance causing us to be carried away by vain and foolish desires to promise ourselves, in her name, things that are not in her power; saying that she is fallacious. Men are unjust in complaining of innocent Experience, constantly accusing her of error and of false evidence.
* Every instrument requires to be made by experience.
* The man who blames the supreme certainty of mathematics feeds on confusion, and can never silence the contradictions of sophistical sciences which lead to an eternal quackery.
* There is no certainty in sciences where one of the mathematical sciences cannot be applied, or which are not in relation with these mathematics.
* '''Any one who in discussion relies upon authority uses, not his understanding, but rather his memory. Good culture is born of a good disposition; and since the cause is more to be praised than the effect, I will rather praise a good disposition without culture, than good culture without the disposition.'''
* '''Science is the captain, and practice the soldiers.'''
* Those who fall in love with practice without science are like a sailor who enters a ship without a helm or a compass, and who never can be certain whither he is going.
* Now you see that the hope and the desire of returning home and to one's former state is like the moth to the light, and that the man who with constant longing awaits with joy each new spring time, each new summer, each new month and new year — deeming that the things he longs for are ever too late in coming — does not perceive that he is longing for his own destruction. But this desire is the very quintessence, the spirit of the elements, which finding itself imprisoned with the soul is ever longing to return from the human body to its giver. And you must know that this same longing is that quintessence, inseparable from nature, and that man is the image of the world.
* '''O Time! consumer of all things; O envious age! thou dost destroy all things and devour all things with the relentless teeth of years, little by little in a slow death.''' Helen, when she looked in her mirror, seeing the withered wrinkles made in her face by old age, wept and wondered why she had twice been carried away.
* O sleepers! what a thing is slumber! Sleep resembles death. Ah, why then dost thou not work in such wise as that after death thou mayst retain a resemblance to perfect life, when, during life, thou art in sleep so like to the hapless dead?
* '''The knowledge of past times and of the places on the earth is both an ornament and nutriment to the human mind.'''
* '''To lie is so vile, that even if it were in speaking well of godly things it would take off something from God's grace; and Truth is so excellent, that if it praises but small things they become noble.'''
* Beyond a doubt truth bears the same relation to falsehood as light to darkness; and this truth is in itself so excellent that, even when it dwells on humble and lowly matters, it is still infinitely above uncertainty and lies, disguised in high and lofty discourses; because in our minds, even if lying should be their fifth element, this does not prevent that the truth of things is the chief nutriment of superior intellects, though not of wandering wits. But you who live in dreams are better pleased by the sophistical reasons and frauds of wits in great and uncertain things, than by those reasons which are certain and natural and not so far above us.
* '''Avoid studies of which the result dies with the worker.'''
* Men are in error when they lament the flight of time, accusing it of being too swift, and not perceiving that it is sufficient as it passes; but good memory, with which nature has endowed us, causes things long past to seem present.
* '''Learning acquired in youth arrests the evil of old age'''; and if you understand that old age has wisdom for its food, you will so conduct yourself in youth that your old age will not lack for nourishment.
* '''The acquisition of any knowledge is always of use to the intellect, because it may thus drive out useless things and retain the good. For nothing can be loved or hated unless it is first known.'''
* As a day well spent procures a happy sleep, so a life well employed procures a happy death.
* The water you touch in a river is the last of that which has passed, and the first of that which is coming. Thus it is with time present.
* Just as eating against one’s will is injurious to health, so studying without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in.[http://books.google.com/books?id=lFXyZLM1XxYC&pg=PT412&dq=%22Just+as+eating+against+one%E2%80%99s+will+is+injurious+to+health%22&hl=en&ei=GFRbTIjiGoL-8AbytdC4Ag&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CDUQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=%22Just%20as%20eating%20against%20one%E2%80%99s%20will%20is%20injurious%20to%20health%22&f=false]
* Just as iron rusts unless it is used, and water putrifies or, in cold, turns to ice, so our intellect spoils unless it is kept in use.
** ''Variant'': Just as iron rusts from disuse... even so does inaction spoil the intellect.
* '''You do ill if you praise, and still worse if you reprove in a matter you do not understand.'''
* It seems to me that men of coarse and clumsy habits and of small knowledge do not deserve such fine instruments nor so great a variety of natural mechanism as men of speculation and of great knowledge; but merely a sack in which their food may be stowed and whence it may issue, since they cannot be judged to be any thing else than vehicles for food; for it seems to me they have nothing about them of the human species but the voice and the figure, and for all the rest are much below beasts.
* Some there are who are nothing else than a passage for food and augmentors of excrement and fillers of privies, because through them no other things in the world, nor any good effects are produced, since nothing but full privies results from them.
* '''The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.'''
* Blind ignorance misleads us thus and delights with the results of lascivious joys. Because it does not know the true light. Because it does not know what is the true light. Vain splendour takes from us the power of being .... behold! for its vain splendour we go into the fire, thus blind ignorance does mislead us. That is, blind ignorance so misleads us that... O! wretched mortals, open your eyes.
* '''That is not riches, which may be lost; virtue is our true good and the true reward of its possessor. That cannot be lost; that never deserts us, but when life leaves us. As to property and external riches, hold them with trembling; they often leave their possessor in contempt, and mocked at for having lost them.'''
* Man has much power of discourse which for the most part is vain and false; animals have but little, but it is useful and true, and a small truth is better than a great lie.
*''' He who possesses most must be most afraid of loss.'''
* He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a year.
* That man is of supreme folly who always wants for fear of wanting; and his life flies away while he is still hoping to enjoy the good things which he has with extreme labour acquired.
* '''We ought not to desire the impossible.'''
* Ask counsel of him who rules himself well.
* ''Chi non punisce il male comanda che si faccia.''
** He who does not punish evil commands it to be done.
*''' The grave will fall in upon him who digs it.'''
* You can have no dominion greater or less than that over yourself.
* ''Chi poco pensa, molto erra.''
** ''' He who thinks little, errs much.'''
* '''It is easier to contend with evil at the first than at the last.'''
* '''Where there is most feeling, there is the greatest martyrdom.
* The memory of benefits is a frail defence against ingratitude.
* '''Reprove your friend in secret and praise him openly.'''
* '''Be not false about the past.'''
* Patience serves us against insults precisely as clothes do against the cold. For if you multiply your garments as the cold increases, that cold cannot hurt you; in the same way increase your patience under great offences, and they cannot hurt your feelings.
* To speak well of a base man is much the same as speaking ill of a good man.
* Envy wounds with false accusations, that is with detraction, a thing which scares virtue.
* We are deceived by promises and time disappoints us...
* '''Fear arises sooner than anything else.'''
* Just as courage imperils life, fear protects it.
* Threats alone are the weapons of the threatened man.
* '''Wherever good fortune enters, envy lays siege to the place and attacks it; and when it departs, sorrow and repentance remain behind.'''
* He who walks straight rarely falls.
* It is bad if you praise, and worse if you reprove a thing, I mean, if you do not understand the matter well.
* It is ill to praise, and worse to reprimand in matters that you do not understand.
* The lover is moved by the beloved object as the senses are by sensual objects; and they unite and become one and the same thing. The work is the first thing born of this union; if the thing loved is base the lover becomes base.
* '''When the thing taken into union is perfectly adapted to that which receives it, the result is delight and pleasure and satisfaction.'''
* When that which loves is united to the thing beloved it can rest there; when the burden is laid down it finds rest there. There will be eternal fame also for the inhabitants of that town, constructed and enlarged by him.
* '''The city will gain beauty worthy of its name and to you it will be useful by its revenues, and the eternal fame of its aggrandizement.'''
** These notes were possibly written in preparation for a letter. The meaning is obscure.
* To preserve Nature's chiefest boon, that is freedom, I can find means of offence and defence, when it is assailed by ambitious tyrants, and first I will speak of the situation of the walls, and also I shall show how communities can maintain their good and just Lords.
* The false interpreters of nature declare that quicksilver is the common seed of every metal, not remembering that nature varies the seed according to the variety of the things she desires to produce in the world.
* Many have made a trade of delusions and false miracles, deceiving the stupid multitude. Pharisees — that is to say, friars.
* '''It is true that impatience, the mother of stupidity, praises brevity, as if such persons had not life long enough to serve them to acquire a complete knowledge of one single subject, such as the human body; and then they want to comprehend the mind of God in which the universe is included, weighing it minutely and mincing it into infinite parts, as if they had to dissect it!'''
* Oh! human stupidity, do you not perceive that, though you have been with yourself all your life, you are not yet aware of the thing you possess most of, that is of your folly? and then, with the crowd of sophists, you deceive yourselves and others, despising the mathematical sciences, in which truth dwells and the knowledge of the things included in them. And then you occupy yourself with miracles, and write that you possess information of those things of which the human mind is incapable and which cannot be proved by any instance from nature. And you fancy you have wrought miracles when you spoil a work of some speculative mind, and do not perceive that you are falling into the same error as that of a man who strips a tree of the ornament of its branches covered with leaves mingled with the scented blossoms or fruit.
* The spirit has no voice, because where there is a voice there is a body, and where there is a body space is occupied, and this prevents the eye from seeing what is placed behind that space; hence the surrounding air is filled by the body, that is by its image.
* '''In order to prove whether the spirit can speak or not, it is necessary in the first place to define what a voice is and how it is generated.'''
* '''Every quantity is intellectually conceivable as infinitely divisible.'''
* '''Amid the vastness of the things among which we live, the existence of nothingness holds the first place; its function extends over all things that have no existence, and its essence, as regards time, lies precisely between the past and the future, and has nothing in the present.''' This nothingness has the part equal to the whole, and the whole to the part, the divisible to the indivisible; and the product of the sum is the same whether we divide or multiply, and in addition as in subtraction; as is proved by arithmeticians by their tenth figure which represents zero; and its power has not extension among the things of Nature.
* '''What is called Nothingness is to be found only in time and in speech.''' In time it stands between the past and future and has no existence in the present; and thus in speech it is one of the things of which we say: They are not, or they are impossible.
* O mighty and once living instrument of formative nature. Incapable of availing thyself of thy vast strength thou hast to abandon a life of stillness and to obey the law which God and time gave to procreative nature.
** Of the lightning in clouds.
* '''O time, swift robber of all created things, how many kings, how many nations hast thou undone, and how many changes of states and of various events have happened since the wondrous forms of this fish perished here in this cavernous and winding recess. Now destroyed by time thou liest patiently in this confined space with bones stripped and bare; serving as a support and prop for the superimposed mountain.'''
====XX Humorous Writings====
[[File:Leonardo Da Vinci - Vergine delle Rocce (Louvre).jpg|thumb|[[Love]] shows itself more in adversity than in prosperity; as [[light]] does, which shines most where the place is darkest.]]
[[File:Caladrius.jpg|thumb|Like unto this is the love of virtue. It never looks at any vile or base thing, but rather clings always to pure and virtuous things and takes up its abode in a noble heart; as the birds do in green woods on flowery branches.]]
[[File:Briton Rivière - Una and the Lion.jpg|thumb|We see the most striking example of humility in the lamb… so that very often it has been seen that the lions forbear to kill them.]]
[[File:Views of a Foetus in the Womb detail.jpg|thumb|Things that are separate shall be united and acquire such virtue that they will restore to man his lost memory.]]
* '''The Caladrius is a bird of which it is related that, when it is carried into the presence of a sick person, if the sick man is going to die, the bird turns away its head and never looks at him; but if the sick man is to be saved the bird never loses sight of him but is the cause of curing him of all his sickness. Like unto this is the love of virtue. It never looks at any vile or base thing, but rather clings always to pure and virtuous things and takes up its abode in a noble heart; as the birds do in green woods on flowery branches. And this Love shows itself more in adversity than in prosperity; as light does, which shines most where the place is darkest.'''
* The unicorn, through its intemperance and not knowing how to control itself, for the love it bears to fair maidens forgets its ferocity and wildness; and laying aside all fear it will go up to a seated damsel and go to sleep in her lap, and thus the hunters take it.
* '''We see the most striking example of humility in the lamb which will submit to any animal; and when they are given for food to imprisoned lions they are as gentle to them as to their own mother, so that very often it has been seen that the lions forbear to kill them.'''
* The cock does not crow till it has thrice flapped its wings; the parrot in moving among boughs never puts its feet excepting where it has first put its beak. Vows are not made till Hope is dead.
* A man was desired to rise from bed, because the sun was already risen. To which he replied: "If I had as far to go, and as much to do as he has, I should be risen by now; but having but a little way to go, I shall not rise yet."
* First, of things relating to animals; secondly, of irrational creatures; thirdly of plants; fourthly, of ceremonies; fifthly, of manners; sixthly, of cases or edicts or quarrels; seventhly, of cases that are impossible in nature [paradoxes], as, for instance, of those things which, the more is taken from them, the more they grow. And reserve the great matters till the end, and the small matters give at the beginning.
* '''Men will seem to see new destructions in the sky.''' The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. They will hear every kind of animals speak in human language. '''They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness.''' O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.
** Of dreams
* There will be many who will eagerly and with great care and solicitude follow up a thing, which, if they only knew its malignity, would always terrify them. Of those men, who, the older they grow, the more avaricious they become, whereas, having but little time to stay, they should become more liberal.
* Many will be busied in taking away from a thing, which will grow in proportion as it is diminished.
** Of a ditch
* Oh! how foul a thing, that we should see the tongue of one animal in the guts of another.
** Of the Tongues of Pigs and Calves in Sausage-skins.
* '''There will be great winds by reason of which things of the East will become things of the West'''; and those of the South, being involved in the course of the winds, will follow them to distant lands.
* There will be many men who will move one against another, holding in their hands a cutting tool. But these will not do each other any injury beyond tiring each other; for, when one pushes forward the other will draw back. But woe to him who comes between them! For he will end by being cut in pieces.
* '''That which was at first bound, cast out and rent by many and various beaters will be respected and honoured, and its precepts will be listened to with reverence and love.'''
* One who by himself is mild enough and void of all offence will become terrible and fierce by being in bad company, and will most cruelly take the life of many men, and would kill many more if they were not hindered by bodies having no soul, that have come out of caverns — that is, breastplates of iron.
* '''One shall be born from small beginnings which will rapidly become vast. This will respect no created thing, rather will it, by its power, transform almost every thing from its own nature into another.'''
** "Of fire"
* All the elements will be seen mixed together in a great whirling mass, now borne towards the centre of the world, now towards the sky; and now furiously rushing from the South towards the frozen North, and sometimes from the East towards the West, and then again from this hemisphere to the other.
** "Of Water, which flows turbid and mixed with Soil and Dust; and of Mist, which is mixed with the Air; and of Fire which is mixed with its own, and each with each."
* '''Men standing in opposite hemispheres will converse and deride each other and embrace each other, and understand each other's language.'''
** "Of Hemispheres, which are infinite; and which are divided by an infinite number of Lines, so that every Man always has one of these Lines between his Feet."
* Many will there be who will give up work and labour and poverty of life and goods, and will go to live among wealth in splendid buildings, declaring that this is the way to make themselves acceptable to God.
* An infinite number of men will sell publicly and unhindered things of the very highest price, without leave from the Master of it; while it never was theirs nor in their power; and human justice will not prevent it.
** "Of Selling Paradise"
* '''Animals will be seen on the earth who will always be fighting against each other with the greatest loss and frequent deaths on each side.''' And there will be no end to their malignity; by their strong limbs we shall see a great portion of the trees of the vast forests laid low throughout the universe; and, when they are filled with food the satisfaction of their desires will be to deal death and grief and labour and wars and fury to every living thing; and from their immoderate pride they will desire to rise towards heaven, but the too great weight of their limbs will keep them down. Nothing will remain on earth, or under the earth or in the waters which will not be persecuted, disturbed and spoiled, and those of one country removed into another. And their bodies will become the sepulture and means of transit of all they have killed. <br> O Earth! why dost thou not open and engulf them in the fissures of thy vast abyss and caverns, and no longer display in the sight of heaven such a cruel and horrible monster.
** "Of the Cruelty of Man"
* There will be many which will increase in their destruction.
** "The Ball of Snow rolling over Snow"
* The East will be seen to rush to the West and the South to the North in confusion round and about the universe, with great noise and trembling or fury.
** "In the East wind which rushes to the West"
* The solar rays will kindle fire on the earth, by which a thing that is under the sky will be set on fire, and, being reflected by some obstacle, it will bend downwards.
* '''Happy will they be who lend ear to the words of the Dead.'''
* Men out of fear will cling to the thing they most fear.
* '''Things that are separate shall be united and acquire such virtue that they will restore to man his lost memory.'''
** Of papyrus
* The bones of the Dead will be seen to govern the fortunes of him who moves them.
** Of Dice
* The vine that has grown old on an old tree falls with the ruin of that tree, and through that bad companionship must perish with it.
* The ball of snow when, as it rolls, it descends from the snowy mountains, increases in size as it falls.
* A vase of unbaked clay, when broken, may be remoulded, but not a baked one.
* '''The image of the sun where it falls appears as a thing which covers the person who attempts to cover it.'''
====XXI Letters. Personal Records. Dated Notes.====
[[File:Old Man with Water Studies.jpg|thumb|right|Tell me if anything was ever done.]]
* I have seen motions of the air so furious that they have carried, mixed up in their course, the largest trees of the forest and whole roofs of great palaces, and I have seen the same fury bore a hole with a whirling movement digging out a gravel pit, and carrying gravel, sand and water more than half a mile through the air.
* Like a whirling wind which rushes down a sandy and hollow valley, and which, in its hasty course, drives to its centre every thing that opposes its furious course... No otherwise does the Northern blast whirl round in its tempestuous progress...
* '''It vexes me greatly that having to earn my living has forced me to interrupt the work and to attend to small matters.'''
* If you meet with any one who is virtuous do not drive him from you; do him honour, so that he may not have to flee from you and be reduced to hiding in hermitages, or caves or other solitary places to escape from your treachery; if there is such an one among you do him honour, for these are our Saints upon earth; these are they who deserve statues from us, and images...
* '''May it please our great Author that I may demonstrate the nature of man and his customs, in the way I describe his figure.'''
* This writing distinctly about the kite seems to be my destiny, because among the first recollections of my infancy, it seemed to me that, as I was in my cradle, a kite came to me and opened my mouth with its tail, and struck me several times with its tail inside my lips.
* '''When I did well, as a boy you used to put me in prison. Now if I do it being grown up, you will do worse to me.'''
* '''Tell me if anything was ever done.'''
** This was written in his notebooks in despair of so many projects that were never completed.
* Do not reveal, if liberty is precious to you; my face is the prison of love.
* I ask at what part of its curved motion the moving cause will leave the thing moved and moveable.
* If any man could have discovered the utmost powers of the cannon, in all its various forms and have given such a secret to the Romans, with what rapidity would they have conquered every country and have vanquished every army, and what reward could have been great enough for such a service! Archimedes indeed, although he had greatly damaged the Romans in the siege of Syracuse, nevertheless did not fail of being offered great rewards from these very Romans; and when Syracuse was taken, diligent search was made for [[Archimedes]]; and he being found dead greater lamentation was made for him by the Senate and people of Rome than if they had lost all their army; and they did not fail to honour him with burial and with a statue.
* '''Reserve the great matters till the end, and the small matters give at the beginning.'''
=== ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938) ===
:<small>These quotes are from the English translation by Edward MacCurdy (1938)</small>
====I Philosophy====
* Every part is disposed to unite with the whole, that it may thereby escape from its own incompleteness.
* The mind passes in an instant from east to west; and all the great incorporeal things resemble these very closely in speed.
* While I thought I have been learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.
* Intellectual passion drives out sensuality.
* As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.
* Where there is most power of feeling, there of martyrs is the greatest martyr.
* Science, knowledge of the things that are possible present and past; prescience, knowledge of the things which may come to pass.
* To enjoy—to love a thing for its own sake and for no other reason.
* Life well spent is long.
* Observe the light and consider its beauty. Blink your eye and look at it. That which you see was not there at first, and that which was there is there no more.
* The water which rises in the mountain is the blood which keeps the mountain in life.
* He who does not value life does not deserve it.
* Nature is full of infinite causes which were never set forth in experience.
* Wine is good, but water is preferable at table.
* He who suffers time to slip away and does not grow in virtue the more one thinks about him the sadder one becomes. '''No man has a capacity for virtue who sacrifices honour for gain. Fortune is powerless to help one who does not exert himself. That man becomes happy who follows [[Christ]]. There is no perfect gift without great suffering. Our triumphs and our pomps pass away;''' gluttony and sloth and enervating luxury have banished every virtue from the world; so that as it were wandering from its course our nature is subdued by habit. Now and henceforth it is meet that you cure yourself of laziness. The Master has said that sitting on down or lying under the quilts will not bring thee to fame. He who without it has frittered life away leaves no more trace of himself upon the earth than smoke does in the air or the foam on the water.
** p. 91
====XVII Flight====
* Since the wings are swifter to press the air than the air is to escape from beneath the wings the air becomes condensed and resists the movement of the wings; and the motive power of these wings by subduing the resistance of the air raises itself in a contrary movement to the movement of the wings.
* A bird makes the same use of wings and tail in the air as a swimmer does of his arms and legs in the water.
* ''Every body that is moved continues to move so long as the impression of the force of its mover is retained in it'', therefore the movement of this wing with violence... will come to move the whole bird with it until the impetus of the moved air has been consumed.
* Remember that your bird should have no other model than the bat, because its membranes serve as an armour or rather as a means of building together the pieces of its armour, that is the framework of the wings.
* If you take as your pattern the wings of feathered birds, these are more powerful in structure of bone and sinew because they are penetrable, that is to say the feathers are separated from one another and the air passes through them. But the bat is aided by its membrane, which binds the whole together and is not penetrated by the air.
* You will perhaps say that the sinews and muscles of a bird are incomparably more powerful than those of a man... But the reply to this is that such great strength gives it a reserve of power beyond what it ordinarily uses...
* Swimming upon water teaches men how birds do upon the air.
* The air which is struck with most swiftness by the movable thing is compressed to the greatest degree in itself.
* The function which the wing performs against the air when the air is motionless is the same as that of the air moved against the wings when these are without motion.
* It is always the under side of the branches of any plant that show themselves to the wind which strikes it, and one leans against the other.
* That part of the air which is nearest to the wing which presses on it, will have the greatest density.
* The properties of the air are such that it may become condensed or rarefied.
* No impetus created by any movement whatever can be immediately consumed, but if it finds an object which has a great resistance it consumes itself in a reflex movement.
* Impetus is a power of the mover applied in a movable thing which causes the movable thing to move after it is separated from its mover.
====XXIX Precepts of the Painter====
* Painting is concerned with all the ten attributes of sight, namely darkness and brightness, substance and colour, form and place, remoteness and nearness, movement and rest; and it is with these attributes that this my small book will be woven, recalling to the painter by what rules and in what way he ought by his art to imitate all things that are the work of nature and the adornment of the world.
* Whenever you make a figure of a man or of some graceful animal remember to avoid making it seem wooden; that is it should move with counterpoise and balance in such a way as not to seem a block of wood.
* I give the degrees of things seen by the eye as the musician does of the sounds heard by the ear.
* When you have drawn the same thing so many times that it seems that you know it by heart try to do it without the model; but having a tracing made of the model upon a thin piece of smooth glass and lay this upon the drawing you have made without the model. ...where you find that you have erred bear it in mind in order not to make the mistake again. ...if you cannot procure smooth glass to make a tracing... take a piece of very fine parchment well oiled and then dried, and when you have used it for for one drawing you can wipe this out with a sponge and do a second.
* Take a piece of glass of the size of a half sheet of royal folio paper, and fix it... between your eye and the object you wish to portray. Then move it away until your eye is two-thirds of a braccio away from the piece of glass, and fasten your head by means of an instrument in such a way as to prevent any movement of it whatsoever. Then close or cover up one eye, and with a brush or a piece of red chalk finely ground mark out on the glass what is visible beyond it; afterwards, copy it by tracing on paper from the glass, then prick it out upon paper of a better quality and paint it if you so desire, paying special attention to the aerial perspective.
* If you wish to thoroughly accustom yourself to correct and good positions for your fingers, fasten a frame or a loom divided into squares by threads between your eye and the nude figure which you are representing, and then make the same squares upon the paper where you wish to draw the said nude but very faintly. You should then put a pellet of wax on a part of the network to serve as a mark which as you look at your model should always cover the pit of the throat, or if he should have turned his back make it cover one of the vertebrae of the neck. ...The squares you draw may be as much smaller than those of the network in proportion as you wish your figure to be less than life size...
* When you wish to see whether the general effect of your picture corresponds with that of the object represented after nature, take a mirror and set it so that it reflects the actual thing, and then compare the reflection with your picture, and consider carefully whether the subject of the two images is in conformity with both, studying especially the mirror. The mirror ought to be taken as a guide... you see the picture made upon one plane showing things which appear in relief, and the mirror upon one plane does the same. The picture is on one single surface, and the mirror is the same. ...if you but know well how to compose your picture it will also seem a natural thing seen in a great mirror.
* You know that in an atmosphere of uniform density the most distant things seen through it, such as the mountains, in consequence of the great quantity of atmosphere which is between your eye and them, will appear blue. Therfore you should make the building... wall which is more distant less defined and bluer. ...five times as far away make five times as blue.
* Painting embraces and contains within itself all the things which nature produces or which results from the fortuitous actions of men... he is but a poor master who makes only a single figure well.
* Surely when a man is painting a picture he ought not refuse to hear any man's opinion... Since men are able to form a true judgement as to the works of nature, how much more does it behoove us to admit that they are able to judge our faults. Therefore you should be desirous of hearing patiently the opinions of others, and consider and reflect carefully whether or no he who censures you has reason for his censure; and correct your work if you find that he is right, but if not, then let it seem that you have not understood him, or, in case he is a man whom you esteem, show him by argument why it is that he is mistaken.
====XLV Prophecies====
* Happy will be those who give ear to the words of the dead:—The reading of good works and the observing of their precepts.
* Feathers shall raise men towards the heaven even as they do the birds:—That is by the letters written by their quills.
* Things severed shall be united and shall acquire of themselves such virtue that they shall restore to men their lost memory:—That is the papyrus sheets, which are formed out of several strips and preserve the memory of the thoughts and deeds of men.
* Men will deal rude blows to that which is the cause of their life:—They will thrash the grain.
* The wind which passes through the skins of animals will make men leap up:—That is the bagpipes, which cause men to dance.
{{Disputed begin}}
== Disputed ==
* '''Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.'''
** Used as an early slogan at Apple Computer in 1977, but the earliest occurence of this exact phrase is found in the 1952 article ''Simplicity Marks New Dining Room'' by Elizabeth Hillyer. Earliest known attribution to Leonardo da Vinci is in ''Wisdom Through the Ages: Book Two'' (2003) by Helen Granat, p. 225, where it is attributed without any citation. The quotation '''"The height of sophistication is simplicity."''' is found in [[Clare Boothe Luce]]'s ''Stuffed Shirts'' (1931) [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2015/04/02/]
* '''Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.'''
** No published occurrence of such an attribution has yet been located prior to one in [http://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/2411/pg2411.html Wilhelm Meisters Wanderjahre — Band 3] by [[w:Johann Wolfgang von Goethe|Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]]
:: Es ist nicht genug, zu wissen, man muß auch anwenden; es ist nicht genug, zu wollen, man muß auch tun.
{{Disputed end}}
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* Once you have tasted [[flight]], you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
** This quotation, which cannot be found in any of da Vinci's writings, was first used in print (and misattributed to Leonardo da Vinci) in a science fiction story published in 1975, ''The Storms of Windhaven.'' One of the authors, [[w:Lisa Tuttle|Lisa Tuttle]], remembers that the quote was suggested by science fiction writer [[w:Ben Bova|Ben Bova]], who says he believes he got the quote from a TV documentary narrated by [[w:Fredric_March|Fredric March]], presumably ''I, Leonardo da Vinci,'' written by [[w:John H. Secondari|John H. Secondari]] for the series ''Saga of Western Man,'' which aired on 23 February 1965. Bova incorrectly assumed that he was quoting da Vinci. The probable author is [[w:John H. Secondari|John Hermes Secondari]] (1919-1975), American author and television producer.
* I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men.
** Quoted allegedly "From da Vinci`s ''Notes''" in [[Jon Wynne-Tyson]]: ''The Extended Circle. A Dictionary of Humane Thought''. Centaur Press 1985, [http://books.google.de/books?id=1mMbAQAAIAAJ&q=murder p. 65 books.google].
** Actually the quote is not authentic but made up from a novel by Dmitri Merejkowski ([[w:Dmitry Merezhkovsky]]) entitled "The Romance of Leonardo da Vinci" (''La Résurrecton de Dieux'' 1901), translated from Russian into English by Herbert Trench. G.P. Putnam's Sons New York and London, The Knickerbocker Press. There, in ''Book'' (i.e. chapter) ''VI'', entitled ''The Diary of [[w:Giovanni Antonio Boltraffio|Giovanni Boltraffio]]'', one finds the following:
** The master [Leonardo da Vinci] permits harm to no living creatures, not even to plants. [http://it.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tommaso_Masini Zoroastro] tells me that from an early age he has abjured meat, and says that the time shall come when all men such as he will be content with a vegetable diet, and will think on the murder of animals as now they think on the murder of men ([http://books.google.de/books?id=g_pa0OaYX64C&pg=PA226 p. 226 books.google]).
**However, despite the quote's false attribution, da Vinci was in fact a vegetarian.
* Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.
** ''Quote is actually from [[Tom Peters]]: The Best Corporate Strategy? None, Of Course. [http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1994-07-11/business/9407110026_1_silicon-graphics-customers-richard-branson Chicago Tribune July 11, 1994]
* I awoke, only to find that the rest of the world is still asleep.
** This derives from a comment about him written by [[Sigmund Freud]], in ''Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1916): '''He was like a man who awoke too early in the [[darkness]], while the others were all still [[asleep]].'''
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Leonardo da Vinci==
:<small>Sorted alphabetically by author or source</small>
* Studying Leonardo... will not only allow us to recognize his science as a solid body of knowledge. It will also show why it cannot be understood without his art, nor his art without the science.
** [[Fritjof Capra]], ''The Science of Leonardo'' (2007), Preface, p. xviii
* For Leonardo, painting is both an art and a science...
** [[Fritjof Capra]], ''The Science of Leonardo'' (2007), Introduction, p. 3
* Leonardo is the hamlet of art history whom each of us must recreate for ourselves.
** [[Kenneth Clark]], ''Leonardo da Vinci'' (1939)
*The genius of Leonardo as a painter came through unfolding the [[mystery]] of life..."Look at the grace and sweetness of men and women in the street," he wrote. The most ordinary functions of life and nature amazed him most. He observed of the eye how in it form and colour, and the entire universe it reflected, were reduced to a single point. "Wonderful law of [[nature]], which forced all effects to participate with their cause in the [[mind]] of man. These are the true [[miracles]]!" Elsewhere he wrote again: "Nature is full of infinite reasons which have not yet passed into experience."
** [[w:Lewis Einstein|Lewis Einstein]] in the introduction to [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/29904 ''Thoughts on Art and Life'', by Leonardo da Vinci], (1906)
*He conceived it to be the painter's duty not only to comment on natural phenomena as restrained by law, but to merge his very mind into that of nature by interpreting its relation with art... The whole world was full of a mystery to him, which his work reflected. The smile of consciousness, pregnant of that which is beyond, illumines the expression of [[Dino Lisa]].
** [[w:Mauro Gatti]] in the introduction to [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/29904 ''Thoughts on Art and Life'', by Leonardo da Vinci], (1906)
*Leonardo had found a refuge in art from the pettiness of material environment. Like his own creations, he, too, had learned the secret of the inner life. The painter, he wrote, could create a world of his own, and take refuge in this new realm. But it must not be one of shadows only. The very mystery he felt so keenly had yet to rest on a real foundation; to treat it otherwise would be to plunge into mere vapouring. Although attempting to bridge the gulf which separated the real from the unreal, he refused to treat the latter supernaturally. That mystery which lesser minds found in the [[occult]], he saw in nature all about him.
**[[w:Lewis Einstein|Lewis Einstein]] in the introduction to [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/29904 ''Thoughts on Art and Life'', by Leonardo da Vinci], (1906)
*His art took, thus, its guidance in realism, its purpose in [[spirituality]]. The search for [[truth]] and the desire for [[beauty]] were the twin ideals he strove to attain. The keenness of this pursuit saved him from the blemish of [[egoism]] which aloofness from his surroundings would otherwise have forced upon him. For his character presented the anomaly, peculiar to the Renaissance, of a lofty [[idealism]] coupled in action with irresponsibility of duty. He stood on a higher plane, his attitude toward life recognizing no claims on the part of his fellowmen. In his desire to surpass himself, fostered by this isolation of spirit and spurred on by the eager wish to attain universal knowledge, he has been compared to Faust; but the likeness is only half correct. He was not blind to the limitations which encompassed him, his very genius making him realize their bounds. Of the ancients he said that in attempting to define the nature of the soul, they sought the impossible. He wrote elsewhere, "It is the infinite alone that cannot be attained, for if it could it would become finite."
** [[w:Lewis Einstein|Lewis Einstein]] in the introduction to [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/29904 ''Thoughts on Art and Life'', by Leonardo da Vinci], (1906)
* He was like a man who awoke too early in the darkness, while the others were all still asleep.
** [[Sigmund Freud]], ''Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1916)
* Much as Leonardo da Vinci and other Renaissance artists used the revelations of human anatomy to help them depict the body more accurately and compellingly, so, too, many contemporary artists may create new forms of representation in response to revelations about how the brain works.
** [[Eric Kandel]], ''The Age of Insight'' (2012)
* Incredibly endowed both physically and mentally, he achieved greatness as a linguist, botanist, zoologist, anatomist, geologist, musician, sculptor, painter, architect, inventor, and engineer. Leonardo made quite a point of distrusting the knowledge that scholars professed so dogmatically. These men of book learning he described as strutting about puffed up and pompous, adorned not by their own labors but by the labors of others whose work they merely repeated... they did not deal with the real world.
** [[w:Morris Kline|Morris Kline]], ''Mathematical Thought from Ancient to Modern Times'' (1972)
* Leonardo did believe in the combination of theory and practice.
** Morris Kline, ''Mathematical Thought from Ancient to Modern Times'' (1972)
* Reading Leonardo one finds many statements suggesting that he was a learned mathematician and a profound philosopher who worked on the level of a professional mathematician. ...To pass beyond observation and experience there was for him only one trustworthy road through deceptions and mirages—mathematics. ...On the basis of such pronouncements, no doubt, Leonardo is often credited with being a greater mathematician than he actually was. When one examines Leonardo's notebooks one realizes how little he knew of mathematics and that his approach was empirical and intuitive.
** [[w:Morris Kline|Morris Kline]], ''Mathematical Thought from Ancient to Modern Times'' (1972)
* What thinker has ever possessed the cosmic vision so insistently? He sought to establish the essential unity of structure of all living things, the earth an organism with veins and arteries, the body of a man a type of that of the world.
** Edward MacCurdy, ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938)
*I sometimes dwell on the fact that there's one thing that time and humankind will not be able to take away from me, leaving me rich, richer than Croesus: the bliss that I derive from a Heine poem, from a Beethoven sonata or a DaVinci painting.
**[[Anna Margolin]] "From a Diary" short story (1909) translated from Yiddish by Daniel Kennedy, ‘’During Sleepless Nights and Other Stories’’ (2022)
* The more the manuscripts of Leonardo are studied, the more one begins to see him not so much as a transcendent artist, but primarily as a man of science, whose skills and commissions as an artist and engineer enabled him to support his fascination with nature.
** [[w:Sherwin B. Nuland|Sherwin B. Nuland]], ''Leonardo Da Vinci'' (2000), p. 10
*Leonardo da Vinci commented, "By the ancients man has been called the world in miniature; and certainly this name is well bestowed because, inasmuch as man is composed of earth, water, air, and fire his body resembles that of the earth."
**[[Rebecca Solnit]] ''As Eve Said to the Serpent: On Landscape, Gender, and Art'' (2001)
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{Commons|Leonardo da Vinci}}
{{wikinews}}
*Leonardo da Vinci on the [[w:Project Gutenberg|Project Gutenberg]] website ([https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/1629 search query]):
**[http://www.gutenberg.org/catalog/world/authrec?fk_authors=1629 The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci] (in English, only text, no drawings)
**Brockwell, Maurice Walter, '' Leonardo Da Vinci'', illustrated version available (HTML), [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/7785 E-text N° 7785]
*[http://www.aiwaz.net/Leonardo/ Alternative views on Leonardo da Vinci]
*[http://www.museoscienza.org/english/leonardo/ Leonardo da Vinci on the web page of the Italian National Museum of Science and Technology Leonardo da Vinci]
*[http://www.bl.uk/collections/treasures/digitisation.html Some digitized notebook pages with explanations] from the [[w:British Library|British Library]] (Macromedia Shockwave format, slowly working)
*[http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/leonardo BBC Leonardo homepage]
* [http://www.lisashea.com/hobbies/art/lastsupper.html Analysis of Leonardo's paintings and their riddles] - in the context of Dan Brown's novel The Da Vinci Code
*[http://www.leonardoshorse.org Leonardo's Horse]
*[http://www.metmuseum.org/special/Leonardo_Master_Draftsman/draftsman_splash.htm Leonardo da Vinci, Master Draftsman]
*[http://www.drawingsofleonardo.org/ Drawings of Leonardo Da Vinci]
*[http://www.wga.hu/frames-e.html?/html/l/leonardo/ Web Gallery of Art]
*[http://brunelleschi.imss.fi.it/ingrin/index.html Leonardo and the Renaissance engineers] from [http://www.imss.fi.it/ Institute and Museum of the History of Science]
*[http://www.leonardoamilano.org/en/ Leonardo's artworks now visible in Milan]
*[http://www.ivu.org/history/davinci/hurwitz.html International Vegetarian Union] - about Leonardo's vegetarianism and his stance to animals.
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[[File:The Chinese philosopher Lao-tse - geograph.org.uk - 453856.jpg|thumb|The Master has no [[possessions]]. <br /> The more he does for others, the [[happier]] he is. <br /> The more he gives to others, the [[wealthier]] he is. (81)]]
'''[[w:Laozi|老子 Lǎozi]]''' (c. 6th – 5th century BC) was a Chinese [[monist]] [[philosopher]]; also called '''Lao Zi''', '''Lao Tzu''', '''Lao Tse''', or '''Lao Tze'''. The '''''[[Tao Te Ching]]''''' (道德經, [[w:Pinyin|Pinyin]]: ''Dào Dé Jīng'', or ''Dao De Jing'') represents the sole document generally attributed to Laozi.
==Quotes==
*Those about whom you inquire have moulded with their bones into dust. Nothing but their words remain. When the hour of the great man has struck he rises to leadership; but before his time has come he is hampered in all that he attempts. I have heard that the successful merchant carefully conceals his wealth, and acts as though he had nothing—that the great man, though abounding in achievements, is simple in his manners and appearance. Get rid of your pride and your many ambitions, your affectation and your extravagant aims. Your character gains nothing for all these. This is my advice to you.
**Attributed to Laozi. Laozi speaking to Confucius. Quoted in James Legge, Texts of Taoism, 34; Quoted from [[Will Durant]], [[Our Oriental Heritage]].
=== ''[[w:Tao Te Ching|Tao Te Ching]]'' ===
===Chapter 1===
[[File:Whirpool Galaxy.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Tao]] that can be expressed is not the eternal Tao; The [[name]] that can be defined is not the unchanging name （道可道，非常道；名可名，非常名. (1)]]
* '''The [[Tao]] that can be expressed is not the eternal Tao; <br> The [[name]] that can be defined is not the unchanging name.'''<br> Non-existence is called the antecedent of [[heaven]] and [[earth]]; <br> Existence is the [[mother]] of [[all]] things.<br> From eternal non-existence, therefore, we serenely observe the mysterious beginning of the [[Universe]]; <br> From eternal existence we clearly see the apparent distinctions.<br> These two are the same in source and become different when manifested.<br> This sameness is called profundity. <br>[[Infinite]] profundity is the gate whence comes the beginning of all parts of the Universe.
** translated by Ch'u Ta-Kao (1904)
** Also as '''Tao called Tao is not Tao.'''
* '''The [[Tao]] that can be told is not the [[Eternity|eternal]] Tao;<br> The name that can be named is not the eternal name.<br> The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth.'''<br> The named is the mother of ten thousand things.<br> Ever desireless, one can see the mystery.<br> Ever desiring, one can see the manifestations.<br> These two spring from the same source but differ in name;<br> this appears as darkness.<br> [[Darkness]] within darkness.<br> The gate to all [[mystery]].
** Gia-Fu Feng & Jane English (1972)
* '''The tao that can be told<br> is not the eternal Tao<br> The name that can be named<br> is not the eternal Name.<br> The unnameable is the eternally real.'''<br> Naming is the origin<br> of all particular things.<br> Free from desire, you realize the mystery.<br> Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.<br> Yet mystery and manifestations<br> arise from the same source.<br> This source is called darkness.<br> Darkness within darkness.<br> The gateway to all [[understanding]].
** interpreted by [[w:Stephen Mitchell (translator)|Stephen Mitchell]] (1992)
* '''The tao that can be described <br> is not the eternal Tao. <br> The name that can be spoken <br> is not the eternal Name. ''' <br> The nameless is the boundary of Heaven and Earth. <br> The named is the mother of creation. <br> Freed from desire, you can see the hidden mystery. <br> By having desire, you can only see what is visibly real.<br> Yet mystery and reality <br> emerge from the same source. <br> This source is called darkness. <br> Darkness born from darkness. <br> The beginning of all understanding.
** translated by [http://www.wright-house.com/religions/taoism/tao-te-ching.html J.H.McDonald (1996)]
* '''The way you can go<br> isn't the real way.<br> The name you can say<br> isn't the real name. ''' <br> Heaven and earth<br> begin in the unnamed:<br> name's the mother<br> of the ten thousand things.<br> So the unwanting soul<br> sees what's hidden,<br> and the ever-wanting soul<br> sees only what it wants.<br> Two things, one origin,<br> but different in name,<br> whose identity is mystery.<br> Mystery of all mysteries!<br> The door to the hidden.
** interpreted by [[Ursula K. LeGuin]] (1998)
* A '''way''' can be a '''guide''' but not a '''fixed path'''<br>'''names''' can be '''given''' but not '''permanent labels'''<br>'''Nonbeing''' is called the '''beginning of heaven and earth'''<br>'''being''' is called the '''mother of all things'''<br>Always '''passionless''' thereby '''observe the subtle'''<br>ever '''intent''' thereby '''observe the apparent'''<br>These two come from the '''same source''' but differ in name<br>both are considered '''mysteries'''<br>The '''mystery of mysteries''' is the '''gateway of marvels'''
** translated by [[w:Thomas Cleary|Thomas Cleary]] (2004)
* '''The Tao is teachable, <br> yet understanding my words <br> is not the same as following the Tao. ''' <br> The guidance is describable, <br> yet knowing the description <br> is not the same as following the guidance. <br> Non-Being guides to the origin of Heaven and Earth. <br> Being guides to the mother of all particular things. <br>Thus, through the guidance of Non-Being, <br> you can observe the beginning; <br> through the guidance of Being, <br> you can observe the returning. <br> Non-Being and Being come out concurrently, <br> but point to different directions; <br> both together can be called the mysterious transforming power. <br> They constantly transform into each other, <br> and form the gateways for all wonderful things.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
===Chapter 4===
[[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|The Tao is like a [[w:well|well]]: <br> used but never used up. <br> It is like the [[eternal]] void: <br> filled with [[infinite]] [[possibilities]]. (4)]]
* The Tao is like a well: <br> used but never used up. <br> It is like the eternal void: <br> filled with infinite possibilities. <p> It is hidden but always present. <br> I don't know who gave birth to it. <br> It is older than [[God]].
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* The Tao works like the greatest fountain, <br> it functions perfectly and never overflows. <br> All things spray out from it and return into it, <br> it seems to be the origin of them. <br> It blunts the sharpness of the powerful, <br>untangle the knot of the powerless; <br> softens the glare of the noble, <br> and stays with the humble. <br> Oh, it is hidden so deep that it seems not existing. <br> I do not know its source, <br> but I know it is the source of the Heavenly God.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
===Chapter 5===
* The Tao is like a bellows: <br> it is empty yet infinitely capable. <br> The more you use it, the more it produces; <br> ''' the more you talk of it, the less you understand. '''
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* The love of Heaven and Earth is impartial, <br> and they demand nothing from the myriad things. <br> The love of the sages is impartial, <br> and they demand nothing from the people. <br> The cooperation between Heaven and Earth <br> is much like how a bellows works! <br> Within the emptiness there is limitless potential; <br> in moving, it keeps producing without end. <br> Complaining too much only leads to misfortune. <br> It is better to stay in the center of serenity.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
===Chapter 6===
[[File:Blackeyegalaxy.jpg|thumb|right|The Tao is called the [[Great]] [[Mother]]: empty yet inexhaustible, it gives [[birth]] to [[infinite]] [[worlds]]. (6)]]
* The Tao is called the [[Great]] [[Mother]]: <br> empty yet inexhaustible, <br> it gives [[birth]] to [[infinite]] [[worlds]].
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
===Chapter 7===
* The [[universe]] is deathless; Is deathless because, having no finite [[self]], it stays infinite. A sound man by not advancing himself stays the further ahead of himself, By [[Kenosis|not confining himself to himself]] sustains himself outside himself: By never being an [[end]] in himself he endlessly becomes himself.
===Chapter 11===
* Thirty spokes [[Unity|unite]] at the single hub;<br/>It is the empty space which makes the wheel useful.<br/>Mold clay to form a bowl;<br/>It is the empty space which makes the bowl useful.<br/>Cut out windows and doors;<br/>It is the empty space which makes the room useful.
===Chapter 14===
* Because the eye gazes but can catch no glimpse of it,<br/>It is called elusive.<br/>Because the ear listens but cannot hear it,<br/>It is called the rarefied.<br/>Because the hand feels for it but cannot find it,<br/>It is called the infinitesimal.<br/>These three, because they cannot be further scrutinized,<br/>Blend into one,<br/>Its rising brings no light;<br/>Its sinking, no darkness.<br/>Endless the series of things without name<br/>On the way back to where there is nothing.<br/>They are called shapeless shapes;<br/>Forms without form;<br/>Are called vague semblance.<br/>Go towards them, and you can see no front;<br/>Go after them, and you see no rear.<br/>Yet by seizing on the Way that was<br/>You can ride the things that are now.<br/>For to know what once there was, in the Beginning,<br/>This is called the essence of the Way.
** translated by Arthur Waley, 1934
===Chapter 17===
[[File:Tao Chi 001.jpg|thumb|right|A [[leader]] is best when people barely know that he [[exists]]...(17)]]
[[File:Exposition Clemenceau, le Tigre et l'Asie (MNAA-Guimet, Paris) (14058020502).jpg|thumb|Of a [[good]] [[leader]], who [[talks]] little, when his [[work]] is done, his aims fulfilled, they will all say, "We did this [[ourselves]]."(17)]]
* '''A [[leader]] is best when [[people]] barely know that he exists, ''' not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worst when they despise him. ''Fail to honor people, They fail to honor you.'' But of a good leader, who talks little, when his work is done, his aims fulfilled, they will all say, "We did this ourselves."
''A longer paraphrase of this quotation, with modern embellishments, is often attributed to Laozi: see "Misattributed" below.''
===Chapter 21===
[[File:Pakua with frame.svg|thumb|right|Since before [[time]] and [[space]] were, the [[Tao]] is. It is beyond ''is'' and ''is not''.<br> How do I know this is [[true]]?<br> I look inside [[myself]] and [[see]].(21)]]
* '''Since before [[time]] and [[space]] were,<br> the [[Tao]] is.<br> It is beyond ''is'' and ''is not''.'''<br> How do I know this is true?<br> I look inside myself and see.
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
===Chapter 22===
* Therefore the Sage embraces the One,<br />And becomes the model of the world.<br />He does not reveal himself,<br /> And is therefore luminous.<br />He does not justify himself,<br /> And is therefore far-famed.<br />He does not boast himself,<br /> And therefore people give him credit.<br />He does not pride himself,<br /> And is therefore the ruler among men.<br />It is because he does not contend<br />That no one in the world can contend against him.
** translated by [[Lin Yutang]] (1948)
===Chapter 23===
*A violent wind does not outlast the morning; a squall of rain does not outlast the day. Such is the course of Nature. And if Nature herself cannot sustain her efforts long, how much less can man!
** translated by [[Lionel Giles]]
===Chapter 25===
[[File:Ancient version of the Taijitu by Lai Zhi-De.svg|thumb|right|There is a thing inherent and [[natural]], which [[existed]] before [[heaven]] and [[earth]]. Motionless and fathomless, It stands [[alone]] and never [[changes]]; It pervades everywhere and never becomes exhausted. It may be regarded as the [[Mother]] of the [[Universe]]. I do not know its [[name]]. If I am [[forced]] to give it a name, I call it [[Tao]], and I name it as [[superior|supreme]].(25)]]
* There is a thing inherent and natural, <br> Which existed before [[heaven]] and [[earth]]. <br> Motionless and fathomless, <br> It stands alone and never changes; <br> It pervades everywhere and never becomes exhausted. <br> It may be regarded as the [[Mother]] of the [[Universe]].<br> I do not know its [[name]]. If I am forced to give it a name, I call it [[Tao]], and I name it as supreme.
** translated by [[Ch'u Ta-Kao]] (1904)
===Chapter 27===
[[File:Lao Zi by Ikarashi Shunmei.jpg|thumb|right|A [[good]] traveler has no fixed [[plans]] <br> and is not intent upon arriving. <br> A good [[artist]] lets his [[intuition]] <br> lead him wherever it wants. (27)]]
* '''A [[good]] traveler has no fixed plans <br> and is not intent upon arriving. ''' <br> A good [[artist]] lets his [[intuition]] <br> lead him wherever it wants. <br> A good scientist has freed himself of concepts <br> and keeps his mind open to what is. <p> Thus the Master is available to all people <br> and doesn't reject anyone. <br> He is ready to use all situations <br> and doesn't waste anything. <br> This is called embodying the light.
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
===Chapter 33===
[[File:老子像.jpg|thumb|[[Knowing]] others is [[intelligence]]; <br /> knowing [[yourself]] is [[true]] [[wisdom]]. <br /> Mastering others is [[strength]]; mastering [[yourself]] is true [[power]]. (33)]]
* '''Knowing others is [[intelligence]]; <br> knowing yourself is true [[wisdom]].<br> Mastering others is [[strength]]; mastering yourself is true [[power]].'''
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
** Variant translation by [[Lin Yutang]]: "He who knows others is learned; he who knows himself is wise".
===Chapter 41===
[[File:Baby Laozi Qingyanggong Chengdu.jpg|thumb|right|Without the [[laughter]], there would be no Tao. (41)]]
* Scholars of the highest class, when they hear about the [[Tao]], take it and practice it earnestly. <br> Scholars of the middle class, when they hear of it, take it half earnestly. <br> Scholars of the lowest class, when they hear of it, laugh at it.<br> '''Without the [[laughter]], there would be no Tao.'''
===Chapter 46===
* He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
===Chapter 48===
* By letting it go it all gets done. The [[world]] is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning.
**translated by [[Raymond B. Blakney]] (1955)
[[File:Lao Tzu - Project Gutenberg eText 15250.jpg|thumb|right|To attain knowledge, add things every day.<br>To attain wisdom, remove things every day. (48)]]
* '''To attain knowledge, add things every day.<br>To attain wisdom, remove things every day.'''
===Chapter 52===
* Block the passages, shut the [[doors]], <br> And till the end your strength shall not fail. <br> Open up the passages, increase your doings, <br> And till your last day no help shall come to you.
** translated by [[Arthur Waley]] (1934)
===Chapter 56===
[[File:Lao_Tse.jpg|thumb| He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. (56)]]
* '''He who [[knows]] does not speak; he who [[speaks]] does not know.'''
===Chapter 57===
*'''The more prohibitions that are imposed on people, <br> The poorer the people become.''' <br> The more laws and regulations that exist, <br> The more thieves and brigands appear.<br> The more laws and order are made prominent, <br> the more thieves and robbers there will be.
** Variant translation: The more prohibitions there are, the poorer the people will be.
===Chapter 60===
* Governing a large country is like frying a small fish.
===Chapter 64===
[[File:Brocken-tanzawa.JPG|thumb|right|A [[journey]] of a thousand miles starts with a single step. (64)]]
* 千里之行始於足下。
** Qiān lǐ zhī xíng shǐ yú zú xià.
** '''A journey of a thousand [[w:Li (unit)|li]] starts with a single step.'''
''Variant translations:''
* A journey of a thousand [miles] starts with a single step.
* '''A journey of a thousand miles started with a first step.'''
* A thousand-mile journey starts from your feet down there.
** As translated by Dr. Hilmar Klaus
* Every journey begins with a single step.
''Often misattributed to [[Confucius]].'' {{cite web |url=https://www.mentalfloss.com/history/famous-quotes-everyone-misattributes |title=12 Famous Quotes Everyone Misattributes |first=Paul Anthony |last=Jones |date=2025-11-10 |accessdate=2025-11-14 |publisher={{w|Mental Floss}}}}
===Chapter 70===
* 被褐懷玉
** The sage wears coarse clothing over his shoulders, but carries jade within his bosom.
*** translation of [[w:Victor H. Mair|Victor H. Lang]]
===Chapter 72===
* When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster.
** translated by [[Gia Fu Feng]]
===Chapter 75===
* '''People starved because the ruler taxed too heavily.'''
* People are difficult to be ruled,<br> Because the ruler governs with personal desire and establishes too many laws to confuse the people.
===Chapter 80===
[[File:MET DP14266.jpg|thumb| let people return to the use of knots <br> and be satisfied with their food <br> and pleased with their clothing <br> and content with their homes <br> and happy with their customs (80)]]
* let people return to the [[w:Chinese_knotting#Recordkeeping|use of knots]] <br> and be satisfied with their food <br> and pleased with their clothing <br> and content with their homes <br> and happy with their customs <br> let there be another state so near <br> people hear its dogs and chickens <br> but live out their lives <br> without making a visit
** translated by [[w:Red Pine (author)|Red Pine]]
===Chapter 81===
[[File:Statue of Lao Tzu in Quanzhou.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Tao]] nourishes by not [[forcing]]. <br> By not dominating, the Master [[leads]]. (81)]]
* '''Wise men don't need to prove their point; ''' <br> men who need to prove their point aren't wise.<br> ''' The Master has no possessions. ''' <br> The more he does for others, the [[Happiness|happier]] he is. <br> The more he [[gives]] to others, the [[wealthier]] he is. <br> The Tao nourishes by not forcing. <br> By not dominating, the Master leads.
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* Truthful words are not fancy; <br> fancy words are not truthful.<br> ''' The good are not argumentative; ''' <br> the argumentative are not quite good. <br> The wise know the truth not by storing up knowledge; <br> those who focus on storing up knowledge do not know the truth. <br>The sage does not hoard for herself. <br>The more she helps others, <br>the richer life she lives. <br>The more she gives to others, <br>the more abundance she realizes. <br>The Tao of heaven benefits all beings without harming anyone. <br> The Tao of the sage assists the people without competing with anyone.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
{{Disputed begin}}
== Disputed ==
[[File:Sunbeams.jpg|thumb|right|The mark of a [[moderate]] man is [[freedom]] from his own [[ideas]]. Tolerant like the [[sky]], all-pervading like [[sun]][[light]], firm like a [[mountain]], supple like a [[tree]] in the [[wind]], he has no destination in view and makes use of anything [[life]] happens to bring his way. (59)]]
* '''The mark of a moderate man<br> is [[freedom]] from his own [[ideas]].'''<br> Tolerant like the [[sky]],<br> all-pervading like [[sun]][[light]],<br> firm like a [[mountain]],<br> supple like a [[tree]] in the [[wind]],<br> he has no destination in view<br> and makes use of anything<br> life happens to bring his way.
** Ch. 59 as interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* Nothing that can be said in words is worth saying.
** Various attributions<ref>McGuirk, Kevin. “‘[T]He Apple an Apple’: Ammons, Bloom, and ‘the Ten Thousand Things’—with Emerson and Lao Tzu.” Journal of Modern Literature 44, no. 1 (2020): 77–95. https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.2979/jmodelite.44.1.05.
</ref>
{{Disputed end}}
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* I am not at all interested in immortality, only in the taste of tea.
** From [[w:Lu Tong|Lu Tong]] (also spelled as Lu Tung)
* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
** This quote's origin is actually unknown (see [[wikt:give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime|"give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" on Wiktionary]]). This quotation has also been misattributed to [[Confucius]] and [[w:Guan Zhong|Guan Zhong]].
* Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.
** Attributed to Laozi in self-help books and on social media, this quotation is of unknown origin and date.
* What I hear, I forget. What I say, I remember. What I do, I understand.
** This quotation has also been misattributed to Confucius.
***Tell me and I [will] forget. Show me and I [will] remember. Involve me and I [will] understand.
***不聞不若聞之，聞之不若見之，見之不若知之，知之不若行之；學至於行之而止矣
**** From [[w:Xunzi|Xun Zi 荀子]]
* When the center does not hold, the circle falls apart.
** This is a paraphrase of lines in "[[w:The Second Coming (poem)|The Second Coming]]" by [[William Butler Yeats]].
*Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
** This quotation's origin is actually unknown, however it is not found in the Dao De Jing.
***生命是一连串的自发的自然变化。逆流而动只会徒增伤悲。接受现实，万物自然循着规律发展。
* Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner.
** Also: "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner"
** Also: "If you care what people think, you will always be their prisoner"
*** Appears in Stephen Mitchell's [http://terebess.hu/english/tao/mitchell.html#Kap09 rendering into English] of ''Tao Te Ching'' chapter 9; but this is an interpretation of Mitchell's which does not appear in the original text or other recognized English translations. Repeated without attribution in Gilliland, [https://books.google.com/books?id=ziJQdUzCgTIC&pg=PT98&dq=Care+what+other+think+%22you+will+always+be%22+their+prisoner&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CDQQ6AEwBGoVChMIpsbNzO69yAIVCU2ICh0mXwIE#v=onepage&q=Care%20what%20other%20think%20%22you%20will%20always%20be%22%20their%20prisoner&f=false ''Hide Your Goat''], a positive thinking book published in 2013.
* When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.
**Attributed to "Jimmy R." in ''Days of Healing, Days of Joy'' (1987)<ref>{{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=7QNk4eNvS44C&pg=PA175&lpg=PA175&dq=%22days+of+healing+days+of+joy%22+%22jimmy+r%22&source=bl&ots=C-jAUVg8y8&sig=fB9m-eQ1IvtjJV6Ncz8mZ30RRHo&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAGoVChMIrYnZyNDlyAIVV_5jCh07uQOs#v=onepage&q=%22days%20of%20healing%20days%20of%20joy%22%20%22jimmy%20r%22&f=false|title=Moments of Reflection||author1=Jean Howarth|author2=Mike Walton|year=1995|publisher=Heinemann Educational Publishers}}</ref>
*"Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. '''With the best leaders when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say, "We have done this ourselves."'''
**Only the final bold section is connected to Laozi (see Ch. 17 of ''Tao Te Ching'' above). The origin of the added first section is unclear.
*An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox
**This is actually a Mexican proverb<ref>{{cite book|url=https://books.google.com.vn/books?id=plqaVVKkfN0C&pg=PA45&dq=%22an+ant+on+the+move+does+more+than+a+dozing+ox%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjb46iriK_fAhUKdt4KHSnZD0UQ6AEIKDAA#v=onepage&q=%22an%20ant%20on%20the%20move%20does%20more%20than%20a%20dozing%20ox%22&f=false|title= Fayek S. Hourani, Daily Bread for Your Mind and Soul: A Handbook of Transcultural Proverbs and Sayings}}</ref>
*Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
**This is actually a quote from a 2004 book by Aileen Miga and Janice Hughes called ''Inspired Wealth: Financial Leadership for the 21st Century'', [https://archive.org/details/isbn_097345010/page/44/mode/2up?q=%22be+careful%22 page 44]. The misattribution has been attested since at least 2006.<ref>{{cite book|url=https://archive.org/details/firststeppeekatr0000sigu/page/138/mode/2up?q=%22be+careful%22|title=The first step: a peek at the real world||author1=Gudmundur O. Sigurdarson}}</ref>
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Laozi ==
[[File:dudeism.svg|thumb|We believe that the Daoist tradition started as a response to the excesses of [[civilization]]. That was Lao Tzu's deal anyway. ~ [[w:Oliver Benjamin|Oliver Benjamin]] ]]
[[File:ThaySangLawCin.jpg |thumb|right|The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dudes. The issue is that the ''Tao Te Ching'' is the perfect expression of Taoism’s [[w:wu wei|wu wei]] of [[life]], or in the parlance of [[Huston Smith]], a life of creative quietude in which “the conscious mind must relax, stop standing in its own [[light]], let go” so that it can flow with the [[Tao]] (or Way) of the [[universe]]. ~ [[Dudeism#The_Dude_De_Ching_(2010)|''Dude De Ching'']] ]]
* '''We believe that the Daoist tradition started as a response to the excesses of [[civilization]]. That was Lao Tzu's deal anyway.''' Lots of similar traditions dealt with issues of work and status and anxiety and nature the same way. But they were all, pretty much, taken over by [[fascists]] and real reactionaries. Even [[w:Taoism|Taoism]] was taken over by charlatans and phonies. '''But the pure undogmatic centre of lots of traditions ([[Christianity]], [[w:Vedism|Vedism]], [[Buddhism]] etc) is all the same. And that's Daoism.'''
** [[w:Oliver Benjamin|Oliver Benjamin]], as quoted in [http://www.dontpaniconline.com/magazine/radar/big-lebowski-spawns-religion "Big Lebowski Spawns Religion" by Yusuf Laher in ''Don't Panic Online'' (11 April 2011)]
* According to religious scholar [[Huston Smith]], [[w:Taoism|Taoism]] has only one basic text, the ''[[w:Tao Te Ching|Tao Te Ching]]'' (or, in English, ''The Way and Its Power''), a slim volume that, as Smith says, can be read in half an hour or a lifetime.''' Legend has it that a Chinaman by the name of [[Laozi|Lao Tzu]] one day said "Enough!" (loosely translated from the Chinese), hopped on a water buffalo (possibly with rust coloration), and started heading a-way out west to Tibet.''' <br> On his way out, someone stopped Lao Tzu and asked if he would write down the tenets of his '''''[[w:ethos|ethos]]''''' before leaving town. Being a lazy man, Lao Tzu lodged his water buffalo against an abutment long enough to write the Tao Te Ching's 81 short verses. When finished, he kicked his water buffalo into gear and, tossing his ringer to the man, rode off into the misty horizon of legend and [[myth]]. <br> '''Regardless of whether the legend is true, or whether Lao Tzu even really existed, the Chinaman is not the issue here, Dudes.''' The issue is that the ''Tao Te Ching'' is the perfect expression of Taoism's ''[[w:wu wei|wu wei]]'' of [[life]], or in the parlance of Huston Smith, a life of creative quietude in which "the conscious mind must relax, stop standing in its own [[light]], let go" so that it can flow with the [[Tao]] (or Way) of the [[universe]].
** Rev. Dwayne Eutsey, in the Introduction of the [[Dudeism#The_Dude_De_Ching_(2010)|Dudeist holy book ''The Dude De Ching'' (2010)]]
* '''Lao-tse may be regarded as the deepest thinker of Chinese antiquity.'''
** [[w:William Howitt|William Howitt]], in ''The History of the Supernatural'' (1863), p. 321
* '''Helpmeat too, contrasta toga, his fiery goosemother, laotsey taotsey, woman who did, he tell princes of the age about.''' You sound on me, judges! Suppose we brisken up. Kings! Meet the Mem, Avenlith, all viviparous out of couple of lizards. She just as fenny as he is fulgar. How laat soever her latest still her sawlogs come up all standing. '''Psing a psalm of psexpeans, apocryphul of rhyme! His cheekmole of allaph foriverever her allinall and his Quran never teach it her the be the owner of thyself.'''
** [[James Joyce]], in ''[[w:Finnegans Wake|Finnegans Wake]]'' (1939)
*My father's favorite book was a copy of Lao Tzu, and seeing it in his hands a lot, I as a kid got interested. Of course, it's very accessible to a kid, it's short, it's kind of like poetry, it seems rather simple. And so I got into that pretty young, and obviously found something that I wanted, and it got very deep into me.
**1982 interview in ''Conversations with [[Ursula Le Guin]]''
*I think Lao Tse would course you have to act in order to be alive. You do things, and all craft, all skill, all art is action, but I think what the difference is with weaving, the very good weaver-the weavers who know their craft so thoroughly that it is part of them-does it without any fuss, without hard work. It is easy. It is not so much in that case action against non-action-that's more with political choices and things like that. It's whether the work is hard or the work is easy. Lao Tse says, "If you're on the way, if you're following Tao, all work is easy." It becomes part of you, you do it naturally, and then you do it right. Whatever it is it comes right, of course, that's Zen, the whole idea. You make one brush stroke and if it isn't right, it just isn't right, but if it's right, it's perfectly right. It's all mystical, the underlying mysticism, and it's all outlook, but it's also true, you know, when you know your craft perfectly well, when you really know what you're doing, then it's easy, and it's a pleasure.
**2002 interview in ''Conversations with [[Ursula Le Guin]]''
* '''If there is one book in the whole of Oriental literature which one should read above all the others, it is, in my opinion, Laotse's ''Book of Tao'''''. If there is one book that can claim to interpret for us the spirit of the Orient, or that is necessary to the understanding of characteristic Chinese behaviour, including literally "the ways that are dark," it is the ''Book of Tao''. For Laotse's book contains the first enunciated philosophy of camouflage in the world; '''it teaches the [[wisdom]] of appearing [[foolish]], the [[success]] of appearing to [[fail]], the [[strength]] of [[weakness]] and the advantage of lying low, the benefit of yielding to your adversary and the futility of contention for power.''' It accounts in fact for any mellowness that may be seen in Chinese social and individual behaviour. If one reads enough of this Book, one automatically acquires the habit and ways of the Chinese. I would go further and say that if I were asked what antidote could be found in Oriental literature and philosophy to cure this contentious modern world of its inveterate belief in force and struggle for power, I would name this book of "5,000 words" written some 2,400 years ago. For Laotse (born about 570 B.C.) has the knack of making Hitler and other dreamers of world mastery appear foolish and ridiculous. The chaos of the modem world, I believe, is due to the total lack of a philosophy of the rhythm of life such as we find in Laotse and his brilliant disciple [[Chuangtse]], or anything remotely resembling it. And furthermore, '''if there is one book advising against the multifarious activities and futile busyness of the modern man, I would again say it is Laotse's ''Book of Tao''. It is one of the profoundest books in the world's philosophy.'''
** [[Lin Yutang]], ''The Wisdom of China and India'' (New York: Random House, 1942), "Laotse, the Book of Tao (''The Tao Teh Ching'')", Introduction, p. 579
* Laotse packs his oracular wisdom into five thousand words of concentrated brilliance. No thinker ever wrote fewer words to embody a whole philosophy and had as much influence upon the thought of a nation.
** [[Lin Yutang]], ''From Pagan to Christian'' (Cleveland and New York: World Publishing, 1959), Ch. 4: "The Peak of Mount Tao", pp. 107–108
* '''[[Political]] leaders are never leaders. For leaders we have to look to the Awakeners!''' '''Lao Tse''', [[Gautama Buddha|Buddha]], [[Socrates]], [[Jesus]], [[w:Milarepa|Milarepa]], [[G. I. Gurdjieff|Gurdjiev]], [[Jiddu Krishnamurti|Krishnamurti]].
** [[Henry Miller]], in ''My Bike & Other Friends'' (1977), p. 12
* '''The oldest known Chinese sage is Lao-Tze, the founder of Taoism. "Lao Tze" is not really a proper name, but means merely "the old philosopher."''' He was (according to tradition) an older contemporary of [[Confucius]], and his philosophy is to my mind far more interesting. He held that every person, every animal, and every thing has a certain way or manner of behaving which is natural to him, or her, or it, and that we ought to conform to this way ourselves and encourage others to conform to it. "[[Tao]]" means "way," but used in a more or less [[Mysticism|mystical]] sense, as in the text: "I am the Way and the [[Truth]] and the [[Life]]." I think he fancied that [[death]] was due to departing from the "way," and that if we all lived strictly according to [[nature]] we should be immortal, like the heavenly bodies.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], in ''The Problem of China'' (1922), Ch. XI - Chinese and Western Civilization Contrasted
*The greatest achievement of humanity is not its works of art, science, or technology, but the recognition of its own dysfunction, its own madness. In the distant past, this recognition already came to a few individuals. A man called [[Gautama Buddha|Gautama Siddhartha]], who lived 2,600 years ago in India, was perhaps the first who saw it with absolute clarity. Later the title [[Buddha]] was conferred upon him. Buddha means “the awakened one.” At about the same time, another of humanity's early awakened teachers emerged in China. His name was [[Lao Tzu]]. He left a record of his teaching in the form of one of the most profound spiritual books ever written, the [[Tao Te Ching]]. To recognize one's own insanity, is of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.
**[[Eckhart Tolle]], [[A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose|''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose'']] (2005)
* '''Lao Tzu was able to teach the Tao because he not only could let the Tao guide him and have direct experience of the Tao, but also was able to introduce and utilize the powerful coupling concepts of Non-Being and Being to describe and teach the Tao, so that he knew what he taught and knew how to teach for sure. And this is the main reason for Lao Tzu to be the greatest teacher of the Tao in the history.'''
** Yuhui Liang, in ''Tao Te Ching: The English Version That Makes Good Sense'' (2018), p. 121
* Whoever speaks is not wise, whoever is wise always keep silence; I hear this message from Laozi. If Laozi is a wise man, why did he himself write Dao De Jing which has five thousand words?
** [[Bai Juyi]], as quoted in Chen, B. (2006). ''[http://www.jstor.org/stable/30209875 The Debate on the Yan-Yi Relation in Chinese Philosophy: Reconstruction and Comments]''. Frontiers of Philosophy in China, 1(4), 539–560.
== See also ==
*[[Ageless Wisdom teachings]]
* [[Benjamin Hoff]]
* [[Laozi#Tao_Te_Ching|Tao Te Ching]]
* [[Category:Spiritual teachers|Spiritual teachers]]
* [[Taoism]]
{{Social and political philosophers}}
==References==
{{reflist}}
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wiktionary|Laozi}}
{{commonscat}}
{{wikisource|Tao te Ching}}
* [http://www.geekfarm.org/cgi-bin/tao.pl?chapter=0&translation=all 15 ''Tao Te Ching'' English translations] @GeekFarm.org
* [https://thetruetaoteching.wordpress.com/ An in-deep introduction to Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching], providing answers to the difficult and important questions about the Tao Te Ching by Yuhui Liang.
* Illustrated Translations in English by multiple authors: [http://taotechingme.com "TaoTeChingMe.com - translations and interpretations'']
*[http://www.chaos.org.nz/ttc.html Tao Te King as translated by Ch'u Ta-Kao (1904)]
* Interpretation by Stephen Mitchell: [http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/core9/phalsall/texts/taote-v3.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching''].
* Translation by [[w:John H. McDonald | j.h. mcdonald]]: [http://www.wright-house.com/religions/taoism/tao-te-ching.html Religions and Scriptures: ''Tao Te Ching''].
* An online translation by [[w:Charles Muller|Charles Muller]]: [http://www.hm.tyg.jp/~acmuller/contao/daodejing.html Professor Muller's site: ''Daode jing''].
* Translation by Chad Hansen: [http://web.archive.org/20030407221339/www.geocities.com/tao4dummies/reading_list.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching'': both English and modern Chinese]. Also ''Zhuangzi''.
* An Informal online interpolation by Ron Hogan is available in several formats at [http://www.beatrice.com/TAO.html Beatrice.com: ''Tao Te Ching'']. An [[w:iPod|iPod]] formatted version of this translation is available at [http://www.swiftlytilting.com/2006/01/01/the-tao-te-ching-for-ipod/ SwiftlyTilting.com: ''The Tao Te Ching for your iPod'']
* Translation by [[w:Sonja Elen Kisa|Sonja Elen Kisa]]: [http://www.kisa.ca/daodejing.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching'' (selected poems)] going by the name ''The Flow and the Power of Good''
* Translation from the City University of Hong Kong: [http://www.ee.cityu.edu.hk/~lmpo/laozi/ On-line ''Tao Te Ching'']. Classical and Vernacular Chinese, and English.
*[http://www.tao-te-king.org/index.html 老子 Lǎozĭ 道德經 Dàodéjīng - 拼音 Pīnyīn+王弼 WángBì+馬王堆 Mǎwángduī+郭店 Guōdiàn+大一生水 Tàiyī Shēngshǔi]
* Interpolation by Peter Merel: [http://web.archive.org/web/20051202062955/http://www.religiousworlds.com/taoism/ttcmerel.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching''].
* Commentary by Swami Nirmalananda Giri: [http://www.atmajyoti.org/spirwrit-taoism.asp Commentary on the Tao Te Ching].
* [[w:Wayne L. Wang|Wayne L. Wang]] [http://www.dynamictao.com/index.html The Dynamic Tao and Its Manifestations]: ''Tao and modern scientific thoughts''
* [http://www.chinapage.com/gnl.html Tao De Ching (GNL's Not Lao)] [https://web.archive.org/web/20160517234548/http://www.chinapage.com/gnl.html]
* [http://www.san.beck.org/Laotzu.html#2 Sanderson Beck's Interpretation]
* Translations and commentary by [http://www.daoisopen.com/BYNina.html Nina Correa]
* A "plain English" online interpolation of Chapters 1–37 ("Tao") by the [[w:Universal Dialectic|Universal Dialectic]] Institute: [http://naturyl.humanists.net/taotext.html ''Tao: The Way of Nature'']
* [http://thoughtaudio.com/titlelist/0010-taoteching/index.html Free mp3 downloads of Tao Te Ching] narrated by Michael Scott of [http://thoughtaudio.com/ ThoughtAudio.com].
* [http://www.duhtao.com Multiple English translations of Lao Tzu's the Tao Te Ching - Compare translations side-by-side]
=== Chinese versions ===
* [http://www.daoisopen.com/Comparisons.html Comparison Chart] Chinese characters with PinYin spellings of the Wang Bi, HeShang Gong, Mawangdui A and B, Guodian texts.
* [http://www.daoisopen.com/GuodianLaozi.html Bamboo slips of the Guodian text] Photographs of the Guodian Bamboo Slips with modern equivalents of the Chinese characters, PinYin and Wade Giles spellings, and English definitions.
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[[File:The Chinese philosopher Lao-tse - geograph.org.uk - 453856.jpg|thumb|The Master has no possessions. / The more he does for others, the happier he is. / The more he gives to others, the wealthier he is. (81)]]
'''[[w:Laozi|老子 Lǎozi]]''' (c. 6th – 5th century BC) was a Chinese [[monist]] [[philosopher]]; also called '''Lao Zi''', '''Lao Tzu''', '''Lao Tse''', or '''Lao Tze'''. The '''''[[Tao Te Ching]]''''' (道德經, [[w:Pinyin|Pinyin]]: ''Dào Dé Jīng'', or ''Dao De Jing'') represents the sole document generally attributed to Laozi.
==Quotes==
*Those about whom you inquire have moulded with their bones into dust. Nothing but their words remain. When the hour of the great man has struck he rises to leadership; but before his time has come he is hampered in all that he attempts. I have heard that the successful merchant carefully conceals his wealth, and acts as though he had nothing—that the great man, though abounding in achievements, is simple in his manners and appearance. Get rid of your pride and your many ambitions, your affectation and your extravagant aims. Your character gains nothing for all these. This is my advice to you.
**Attributed to Laozi. Laozi speaking to Confucius. Quoted in James Legge, Texts of Taoism, 34; Quoted from [[Will Durant]], [[Our Oriental Heritage]].
=== ''[[w:Tao Te Ching|Tao Te Ching]]'' ===
===Chapter 1===
[[File:Whirpool Galaxy.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Tao]] that can be expressed is not the eternal Tao; The [[name]] that can be defined is not the unchanging name （道可道，非常道；名可名，非常名. (1)]]
* '''The [[Tao]] that can be expressed is not the eternal Tao; <br> The [[name]] that can be defined is not the unchanging name.'''<br> Non-existence is called the antecedent of [[heaven]] and [[earth]]; <br> Existence is the [[mother]] of [[all]] things.<br> From eternal non-existence, therefore, we serenely observe the mysterious beginning of the [[Universe]]; <br> From eternal existence we clearly see the apparent distinctions.<br> These two are the same in source and become different when manifested.<br> This sameness is called profundity. <br>[[Infinite]] profundity is the gate whence comes the beginning of all parts of the Universe.
** translated by Ch'u Ta-Kao (1904)
** Also as '''Tao called Tao is not Tao.'''
* '''The [[Tao]] that can be told is not the [[Eternity|eternal]] Tao;<br> The name that can be named is not the eternal name.<br> The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth.'''<br> The named is the mother of ten thousand things.<br> Ever desireless, one can see the mystery.<br> Ever desiring, one can see the manifestations.<br> These two spring from the same source but differ in name;<br> this appears as darkness.<br> [[Darkness]] within darkness.<br> The gate to all [[mystery]].
** Gia-Fu Feng & Jane English (1972)
* '''The tao that can be told<br> is not the eternal Tao<br> The name that can be named<br> is not the eternal Name.<br> The unnameable is the eternally real.'''<br> Naming is the origin<br> of all particular things.<br> Free from desire, you realize the mystery.<br> Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.<br> Yet mystery and manifestations<br> arise from the same source.<br> This source is called darkness.<br> Darkness within darkness.<br> The gateway to all [[understanding]].
** interpreted by [[w:Stephen Mitchell (translator)|Stephen Mitchell]] (1992)
* '''The tao that can be described <br> is not the eternal Tao. <br> The name that can be spoken <br> is not the eternal Name. ''' <br> The nameless is the boundary of Heaven and Earth. <br> The named is the mother of creation. <br> Freed from desire, you can see the hidden mystery. <br> By having desire, you can only see what is visibly real.<br> Yet mystery and reality <br> emerge from the same source. <br> This source is called darkness. <br> Darkness born from darkness. <br> The beginning of all understanding.
** translated by [http://www.wright-house.com/religions/taoism/tao-te-ching.html J.H.McDonald (1996)]
* '''The way you can go<br> isn't the real way.<br> The name you can say<br> isn't the real name. ''' <br> Heaven and earth<br> begin in the unnamed:<br> name's the mother<br> of the ten thousand things.<br> So the unwanting soul<br> sees what's hidden,<br> and the ever-wanting soul<br> sees only what it wants.<br> Two things, one origin,<br> but different in name,<br> whose identity is mystery.<br> Mystery of all mysteries!<br> The door to the hidden.
** interpreted by [[Ursula K. LeGuin]] (1998)
* A '''way''' can be a '''guide''' but not a '''fixed path'''<br>'''names''' can be '''given''' but not '''permanent labels'''<br>'''Nonbeing''' is called the '''beginning of heaven and earth'''<br>'''being''' is called the '''mother of all things'''<br>Always '''passionless''' thereby '''observe the subtle'''<br>ever '''intent''' thereby '''observe the apparent'''<br>These two come from the '''same source''' but differ in name<br>both are considered '''mysteries'''<br>The '''mystery of mysteries''' is the '''gateway of marvels'''
** translated by [[w:Thomas Cleary|Thomas Cleary]] (2004)
* '''The Tao is teachable, <br> yet understanding my words <br> is not the same as following the Tao. ''' <br> The guidance is describable, <br> yet knowing the description <br> is not the same as following the guidance. <br> Non-Being guides to the origin of Heaven and Earth. <br> Being guides to the mother of all particular things. <br>Thus, through the guidance of Non-Being, <br> you can observe the beginning; <br> through the guidance of Being, <br> you can observe the returning. <br> Non-Being and Being come out concurrently, <br> but point to different directions; <br> both together can be called the mysterious transforming power. <br> They constantly transform into each other, <br> and form the gateways for all wonderful things.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
===Chapter 4===
[[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|right|The Tao is like a [[w:well|well]]: <br> used but never used up. <br> It is like the [[eternal]] void: <br> filled with [[infinite]] [[possibilities]]. (4)]]
* The Tao is like a well: <br> used but never used up. <br> It is like the eternal void: <br> filled with infinite possibilities. <p> It is hidden but always present. <br> I don't know who gave birth to it. <br> It is older than [[God]].
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* The Tao works like the greatest fountain, <br> it functions perfectly and never overflows. <br> All things spray out from it and return into it, <br> it seems to be the origin of them. <br> It blunts the sharpness of the powerful, <br>untangle the knot of the powerless; <br> softens the glare of the noble, <br> and stays with the humble. <br> Oh, it is hidden so deep that it seems not existing. <br> I do not know its source, <br> but I know it is the source of the Heavenly God.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
===Chapter 5===
* The Tao is like a bellows: <br> it is empty yet infinitely capable. <br> The more you use it, the more it produces; <br> ''' the more you talk of it, the less you understand. '''
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* The love of Heaven and Earth is impartial, <br> and they demand nothing from the myriad things. <br> The love of the sages is impartial, <br> and they demand nothing from the people. <br> The cooperation between Heaven and Earth <br> is much like how a bellows works! <br> Within the emptiness there is limitless potential; <br> in moving, it keeps producing without end. <br> Complaining too much only leads to misfortune. <br> It is better to stay in the center of serenity.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
===Chapter 6===
[[File:Blackeyegalaxy.jpg|thumb|right|The Tao is called the [[Great]] [[Mother]]: empty yet inexhaustible, it gives [[birth]] to [[infinite]] [[worlds]]. (6)]]
* The Tao is called the [[Great]] [[Mother]]: <br> empty yet inexhaustible, <br> it gives [[birth]] to [[infinite]] [[worlds]].
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
===Chapter 7===
* The [[universe]] is deathless; Is deathless because, having no finite [[self]], it stays infinite. A sound man by not advancing himself stays the further ahead of himself, By [[Kenosis|not confining himself to himself]] sustains himself outside himself: By never being an [[end]] in himself he endlessly becomes himself.
===Chapter 11===
* Thirty spokes [[Unity|unite]] at the single hub;<br/>It is the empty space which makes the wheel useful.<br/>Mold clay to form a bowl;<br/>It is the empty space which makes the bowl useful.<br/>Cut out windows and doors;<br/>It is the empty space which makes the room useful.
===Chapter 14===
* Because the eye gazes but can catch no glimpse of it,<br/>It is called elusive.<br/>Because the ear listens but cannot hear it,<br/>It is called the rarefied.<br/>Because the hand feels for it but cannot find it,<br/>It is called the infinitesimal.<br/>These three, because they cannot be further scrutinized,<br/>Blend into one,<br/>Its rising brings no light;<br/>Its sinking, no darkness.<br/>Endless the series of things without name<br/>On the way back to where there is nothing.<br/>They are called shapeless shapes;<br/>Forms without form;<br/>Are called vague semblance.<br/>Go towards them, and you can see no front;<br/>Go after them, and you see no rear.<br/>Yet by seizing on the Way that was<br/>You can ride the things that are now.<br/>For to know what once there was, in the Beginning,<br/>This is called the essence of the Way.
** translated by Arthur Waley, 1934
===Chapter 17===
[[File:Tao Chi 001.jpg|thumb|right|A [[leader]] is best when people barely know that he [[exists]]...(17)]]
[[File:Exposition Clemenceau, le Tigre et l'Asie (MNAA-Guimet, Paris) (14058020502).jpg|thumb|Of a [[good]] [[leader]], who [[talks]] little, when his [[work]] is done, his aims fulfilled, they will all say, "We did this [[ourselves]]."(17)]]
* '''A [[leader]] is best when [[people]] barely know that he exists, ''' not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worst when they despise him. ''Fail to honor people, They fail to honor you.'' But of a good leader, who talks little, when his work is done, his aims fulfilled, they will all say, "We did this ourselves."
''A longer paraphrase of this quotation, with modern embellishments, is often attributed to Laozi: see "Misattributed" below.''
===Chapter 21===
[[File:Pakua with frame.svg|thumb|right|Since before [[time]] and [[space]] were, the [[Tao]] is. It is beyond ''is'' and ''is not''.<br> How do I know this is [[true]]?<br> I look inside [[myself]] and [[see]].(21)]]
* '''Since before [[time]] and [[space]] were,<br> the [[Tao]] is.<br> It is beyond ''is'' and ''is not''.'''<br> How do I know this is true?<br> I look inside myself and see.
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
===Chapter 22===
* Therefore the Sage embraces the One,<br />And becomes the model of the world.<br />He does not reveal himself,<br /> And is therefore luminous.<br />He does not justify himself,<br /> And is therefore far-famed.<br />He does not boast himself,<br /> And therefore people give him credit.<br />He does not pride himself,<br /> And is therefore the ruler among men.<br />It is because he does not contend<br />That no one in the world can contend against him.
** translated by [[Lin Yutang]] (1948)
===Chapter 23===
*A violent wind does not outlast the morning; a squall of rain does not outlast the day. Such is the course of Nature. And if Nature herself cannot sustain her efforts long, how much less can man!
** translated by [[Lionel Giles]]
===Chapter 25===
[[File:Ancient version of the Taijitu by Lai Zhi-De.svg|thumb|right|There is a thing inherent and [[natural]], which [[existed]] before [[heaven]] and [[earth]]. Motionless and fathomless, It stands [[alone]] and never [[changes]]; It pervades everywhere and never becomes exhausted. It may be regarded as the [[Mother]] of the [[Universe]]. I do not know its [[name]]. If I am [[forced]] to give it a name, I call it [[Tao]], and I name it as [[superior|supreme]].(25)]]
* There is a thing inherent and natural, <br> Which existed before [[heaven]] and [[earth]]. <br> Motionless and fathomless, <br> It stands alone and never changes; <br> It pervades everywhere and never becomes exhausted. <br> It may be regarded as the [[Mother]] of the [[Universe]].<br> I do not know its [[name]]. If I am forced to give it a name, I call it [[Tao]], and I name it as supreme.
** translated by [[Ch'u Ta-Kao]] (1904)
===Chapter 27===
[[File:Lao Zi by Ikarashi Shunmei.jpg|thumb|right|A [[good]] traveler has no fixed [[plans]] <br> and is not intent upon arriving. <br> A good [[artist]] lets his [[intuition]] <br> lead him wherever it wants. (27)]]
* '''A [[good]] traveler has no fixed plans <br> and is not intent upon arriving. ''' <br> A good [[artist]] lets his [[intuition]] <br> lead him wherever it wants. <br> A good scientist has freed himself of concepts <br> and keeps his mind open to what is. <p> Thus the Master is available to all people <br> and doesn't reject anyone. <br> He is ready to use all situations <br> and doesn't waste anything. <br> This is called embodying the light.
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
===Chapter 33===
[[File:老子像.jpg|thumb|[[Knowing]] others is [[intelligence]]; <br /> knowing [[yourself]] is [[true]] [[wisdom]]. <br /> Mastering others is [[strength]]; mastering [[yourself]] is true [[power]]. (33)]]
* '''Knowing others is [[intelligence]]; <br> knowing yourself is true [[wisdom]].<br> Mastering others is [[strength]]; mastering yourself is true [[power]].'''
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
** Variant translation by [[Lin Yutang]]: "He who knows others is learned; he who knows himself is wise".
===Chapter 41===
[[File:Baby Laozi Qingyanggong Chengdu.jpg|thumb|right|Without the [[laughter]], there would be no Tao. (41)]]
* Scholars of the highest class, when they hear about the [[Tao]], take it and practice it earnestly. <br> Scholars of the middle class, when they hear of it, take it half earnestly. <br> Scholars of the lowest class, when they hear of it, laugh at it.<br> '''Without the [[laughter]], there would be no Tao.'''
===Chapter 46===
* He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
===Chapter 48===
* By letting it go it all gets done. The [[world]] is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning.
**translated by [[Raymond B. Blakney]] (1955)
[[File:Lao Tzu - Project Gutenberg eText 15250.jpg|thumb|right|To attain knowledge, add things every day.<br>To attain wisdom, remove things every day. (48)]]
* '''To attain knowledge, add things every day.<br>To attain wisdom, remove things every day.'''
===Chapter 52===
* Block the passages, shut the [[doors]], <br> And till the end your strength shall not fail. <br> Open up the passages, increase your doings, <br> And till your last day no help shall come to you.
** translated by [[Arthur Waley]] (1934)
===Chapter 56===
[[File:Lao_Tse.jpg|thumb| He who knows does not speak; he who speaks does not know. (56)]]
* '''He who [[knows]] does not speak; he who [[speaks]] does not know.'''
===Chapter 57===
*'''The more prohibitions that are imposed on people, <br> The poorer the people become.''' <br> The more laws and regulations that exist, <br> The more thieves and brigands appear.<br> The more laws and order are made prominent, <br> the more thieves and robbers there will be.
** Variant translation: The more prohibitions there are, the poorer the people will be.
===Chapter 60===
* Governing a large country is like frying a small fish.
===Chapter 64===
[[File:Brocken-tanzawa.JPG|thumb|right|A [[journey]] of a thousand miles starts with a single step. (64)]]
* 千里之行始於足下。
** Qiān lǐ zhī xíng shǐ yú zú xià.
** '''A journey of a thousand [[w:Li (unit)|li]] starts with a single step.'''
''Variant translations:''
* A journey of a thousand [miles] starts with a single step.
* '''A journey of a thousand miles started with a first step.'''
* A thousand-mile journey starts from your feet down there.
** As translated by Dr. Hilmar Klaus
* Every journey begins with a single step.
''Often misattributed to [[Confucius]].'' {{cite web |url=https://www.mentalfloss.com/history/famous-quotes-everyone-misattributes |title=12 Famous Quotes Everyone Misattributes |first=Paul Anthony |last=Jones |date=2025-11-10 |accessdate=2025-11-14 |publisher={{w|Mental Floss}}}}
===Chapter 70===
* 被褐懷玉
** The sage wears coarse clothing over his shoulders, but carries jade within his bosom.
*** translation of [[w:Victor H. Mair|Victor H. Lang]]
===Chapter 72===
* When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster.
** translated by [[Gia Fu Feng]]
===Chapter 75===
* '''People starved because the ruler taxed too heavily.'''
* People are difficult to be ruled,<br> Because the ruler governs with personal desire and establishes too many laws to confuse the people.
===Chapter 80===
[[File:MET DP14266.jpg|thumb| let people return to the use of knots <br> and be satisfied with their food <br> and pleased with their clothing <br> and content with their homes <br> and happy with their customs (80)]]
* let people return to the [[w:Chinese_knotting#Recordkeeping|use of knots]] <br> and be satisfied with their food <br> and pleased with their clothing <br> and content with their homes <br> and happy with their customs <br> let there be another state so near <br> people hear its dogs and chickens <br> but live out their lives <br> without making a visit
** translated by [[w:Red Pine (author)|Red Pine]]
===Chapter 81===
[[File:Statue of Lao Tzu in Quanzhou.jpg|thumb|right|The [[Tao]] nourishes by not [[forcing]]. <br> By not dominating, the Master [[leads]]. (81)]]
* '''Wise men don't need to prove their point; ''' <br> men who need to prove their point aren't wise.<br> ''' The Master has no possessions. ''' <br> The more he does for others, the [[Happiness|happier]] he is. <br> The more he [[gives]] to others, the [[wealthier]] he is. <br> The Tao nourishes by not forcing. <br> By not dominating, the Master leads.
** interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* Truthful words are not fancy; <br> fancy words are not truthful.<br> ''' The good are not argumentative; ''' <br> the argumentative are not quite good. <br> The wise know the truth not by storing up knowledge; <br> those who focus on storing up knowledge do not know the truth. <br>The sage does not hoard for herself. <br>The more she helps others, <br>the richer life she lives. <br>The more she gives to others, <br>the more abundance she realizes. <br>The Tao of heaven benefits all beings without harming anyone. <br> The Tao of the sage assists the people without competing with anyone.
** translated by Yuhui Liang
{{Disputed begin}}
== Disputed ==
[[File:Sunbeams.jpg|thumb|right|The mark of a [[moderate]] man is [[freedom]] from his own [[ideas]]. Tolerant like the [[sky]], all-pervading like [[sun]][[light]], firm like a [[mountain]], supple like a [[tree]] in the [[wind]], he has no destination in view and makes use of anything [[life]] happens to bring his way. (59)]]
* '''The mark of a moderate man<br> is [[freedom]] from his own [[ideas]].'''<br> Tolerant like the [[sky]],<br> all-pervading like [[sun]][[light]],<br> firm like a [[mountain]],<br> supple like a [[tree]] in the [[wind]],<br> he has no destination in view<br> and makes use of anything<br> life happens to bring his way.
** Ch. 59 as interpreted by Stephen Mitchell (1992)
* Nothing that can be said in words is worth saying.
** Various attributions<ref>McGuirk, Kevin. “‘[T]He Apple an Apple’: Ammons, Bloom, and ‘the Ten Thousand Things’—with Emerson and Lao Tzu.” Journal of Modern Literature 44, no. 1 (2020): 77–95. https://www.jstor.org/stable/10.2979/jmodelite.44.1.05.
</ref>
{{Disputed end}}
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* I am not at all interested in immortality, only in the taste of tea.
** From [[w:Lu Tong|Lu Tong]] (also spelled as Lu Tung)
* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
** This quote's origin is actually unknown (see [[wikt:give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime|"give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime" on Wiktionary]]). This quotation has also been misattributed to [[Confucius]] and [[w:Guan Zhong|Guan Zhong]].
* Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.
** Attributed to Laozi in self-help books and on social media, this quotation is of unknown origin and date.
* What I hear, I forget. What I say, I remember. What I do, I understand.
** This quotation has also been misattributed to Confucius.
***Tell me and I [will] forget. Show me and I [will] remember. Involve me and I [will] understand.
***不聞不若聞之，聞之不若見之，見之不若知之，知之不若行之；學至於行之而止矣
**** From [[w:Xunzi|Xun Zi 荀子]]
* When the center does not hold, the circle falls apart.
** This is a paraphrase of lines in "[[w:The Second Coming (poem)|The Second Coming]]" by [[William Butler Yeats]].
*Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
** This quotation's origin is actually unknown, however it is not found in the Dao De Jing.
***生命是一连串的自发的自然变化。逆流而动只会徒增伤悲。接受现实，万物自然循着规律发展。
* Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner.
** Also: "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner"
** Also: "If you care what people think, you will always be their prisoner"
*** Appears in Stephen Mitchell's [http://terebess.hu/english/tao/mitchell.html#Kap09 rendering into English] of ''Tao Te Ching'' chapter 9; but this is an interpretation of Mitchell's which does not appear in the original text or other recognized English translations. Repeated without attribution in Gilliland, [https://books.google.com/books?id=ziJQdUzCgTIC&pg=PT98&dq=Care+what+other+think+%22you+will+always+be%22+their+prisoner&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CDQQ6AEwBGoVChMIpsbNzO69yAIVCU2ICh0mXwIE#v=onepage&q=Care%20what%20other%20think%20%22you%20will%20always%20be%22%20their%20prisoner&f=false ''Hide Your Goat''], a positive thinking book published in 2013.
* When I am anxious it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed it is because I am living in the past.
**Attributed to "Jimmy R." in ''Days of Healing, Days of Joy'' (1987)<ref>{{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=7QNk4eNvS44C&pg=PA175&lpg=PA175&dq=%22days+of+healing+days+of+joy%22+%22jimmy+r%22&source=bl&ots=C-jAUVg8y8&sig=fB9m-eQ1IvtjJV6Ncz8mZ30RRHo&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAGoVChMIrYnZyNDlyAIVV_5jCh07uQOs#v=onepage&q=%22days%20of%20healing%20days%20of%20joy%22%20%22jimmy%20r%22&f=false|title=Moments of Reflection||author1=Jean Howarth|author2=Mike Walton|year=1995|publisher=Heinemann Educational Publishers}}</ref>
*"Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them. Start with what they know. Build with what they have. '''With the best leaders when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say, "We have done this ourselves."'''
**Only the final bold section is connected to Laozi (see Ch. 17 of ''Tao Te Ching'' above). The origin of the added first section is unclear.
*An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox
**This is actually a Mexican proverb<ref>{{cite book|url=https://books.google.com.vn/books?id=plqaVVKkfN0C&pg=PA45&dq=%22an+ant+on+the+move+does+more+than+a+dozing+ox%22&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjb46iriK_fAhUKdt4KHSnZD0UQ6AEIKDAA#v=onepage&q=%22an%20ant%20on%20the%20move%20does%20more%20than%20a%20dozing%20ox%22&f=false|title= Fayek S. Hourani, Daily Bread for Your Mind and Soul: A Handbook of Transcultural Proverbs and Sayings}}</ref>
*Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
**This is actually a quote from a 2004 book by Aileen Miga and Janice Hughes called ''Inspired Wealth: Financial Leadership for the 21st Century'', [https://archive.org/details/isbn_097345010/page/44/mode/2up?q=%22be+careful%22 page 44]. The misattribution has been attested since at least 2006.<ref>{{cite book|url=https://archive.org/details/firststeppeekatr0000sigu/page/138/mode/2up?q=%22be+careful%22|title=The first step: a peek at the real world||author1=Gudmundur O. Sigurdarson}}</ref>
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about Laozi ==
[[File:dudeism.svg|thumb|We believe that the Daoist tradition started as a response to the excesses of [[civilization]]. That was Lao Tzu's deal anyway. ~ [[w:Oliver Benjamin|Oliver Benjamin]] ]]
[[File:ThaySangLawCin.jpg |thumb|right|The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dudes. The issue is that the ''Tao Te Ching'' is the perfect expression of Taoism’s [[w:wu wei|wu wei]] of [[life]], or in the parlance of [[Huston Smith]], a life of creative quietude in which “the conscious mind must relax, stop standing in its own [[light]], let go” so that it can flow with the [[Tao]] (or Way) of the [[universe]]. ~ [[Dudeism#The_Dude_De_Ching_(2010)|''Dude De Ching'']] ]]
* '''We believe that the Daoist tradition started as a response to the excesses of [[civilization]]. That was Lao Tzu's deal anyway.''' Lots of similar traditions dealt with issues of work and status and anxiety and nature the same way. But they were all, pretty much, taken over by [[fascists]] and real reactionaries. Even [[w:Taoism|Taoism]] was taken over by charlatans and phonies. '''But the pure undogmatic centre of lots of traditions ([[Christianity]], [[w:Vedism|Vedism]], [[Buddhism]] etc) is all the same. And that's Daoism.'''
** [[w:Oliver Benjamin|Oliver Benjamin]], as quoted in [http://www.dontpaniconline.com/magazine/radar/big-lebowski-spawns-religion "Big Lebowski Spawns Religion" by Yusuf Laher in ''Don't Panic Online'' (11 April 2011)]
* According to religious scholar [[Huston Smith]], [[w:Taoism|Taoism]] has only one basic text, the ''[[w:Tao Te Ching|Tao Te Ching]]'' (or, in English, ''The Way and Its Power''), a slim volume that, as Smith says, can be read in half an hour or a lifetime.''' Legend has it that a Chinaman by the name of [[Laozi|Lao Tzu]] one day said "Enough!" (loosely translated from the Chinese), hopped on a water buffalo (possibly with rust coloration), and started heading a-way out west to Tibet.''' <br> On his way out, someone stopped Lao Tzu and asked if he would write down the tenets of his '''''[[w:ethos|ethos]]''''' before leaving town. Being a lazy man, Lao Tzu lodged his water buffalo against an abutment long enough to write the Tao Te Ching's 81 short verses. When finished, he kicked his water buffalo into gear and, tossing his ringer to the man, rode off into the misty horizon of legend and [[myth]]. <br> '''Regardless of whether the legend is true, or whether Lao Tzu even really existed, the Chinaman is not the issue here, Dudes.''' The issue is that the ''Tao Te Ching'' is the perfect expression of Taoism's ''[[w:wu wei|wu wei]]'' of [[life]], or in the parlance of Huston Smith, a life of creative quietude in which "the conscious mind must relax, stop standing in its own [[light]], let go" so that it can flow with the [[Tao]] (or Way) of the [[universe]].
** Rev. Dwayne Eutsey, in the Introduction of the [[Dudeism#The_Dude_De_Ching_(2010)|Dudeist holy book ''The Dude De Ching'' (2010)]]
* '''Lao-tse may be regarded as the deepest thinker of Chinese antiquity.'''
** [[w:William Howitt|William Howitt]], in ''The History of the Supernatural'' (1863), p. 321
* '''Helpmeat too, contrasta toga, his fiery goosemother, laotsey taotsey, woman who did, he tell princes of the age about.''' You sound on me, judges! Suppose we brisken up. Kings! Meet the Mem, Avenlith, all viviparous out of couple of lizards. She just as fenny as he is fulgar. How laat soever her latest still her sawlogs come up all standing. '''Psing a psalm of psexpeans, apocryphul of rhyme! His cheekmole of allaph foriverever her allinall and his Quran never teach it her the be the owner of thyself.'''
** [[James Joyce]], in ''[[w:Finnegans Wake|Finnegans Wake]]'' (1939)
*My father's favorite book was a copy of Lao Tzu, and seeing it in his hands a lot, I as a kid got interested. Of course, it's very accessible to a kid, it's short, it's kind of like poetry, it seems rather simple. And so I got into that pretty young, and obviously found something that I wanted, and it got very deep into me.
**1982 interview in ''Conversations with [[Ursula Le Guin]]''
*I think Lao Tse would course you have to act in order to be alive. You do things, and all craft, all skill, all art is action, but I think what the difference is with weaving, the very good weaver-the weavers who know their craft so thoroughly that it is part of them-does it without any fuss, without hard work. It is easy. It is not so much in that case action against non-action-that's more with political choices and things like that. It's whether the work is hard or the work is easy. Lao Tse says, "If you're on the way, if you're following Tao, all work is easy." It becomes part of you, you do it naturally, and then you do it right. Whatever it is it comes right, of course, that's Zen, the whole idea. You make one brush stroke and if it isn't right, it just isn't right, but if it's right, it's perfectly right. It's all mystical, the underlying mysticism, and it's all outlook, but it's also true, you know, when you know your craft perfectly well, when you really know what you're doing, then it's easy, and it's a pleasure.
**2002 interview in ''Conversations with [[Ursula Le Guin]]''
* '''If there is one book in the whole of Oriental literature which one should read above all the others, it is, in my opinion, Laotse's ''Book of Tao'''''. If there is one book that can claim to interpret for us the spirit of the Orient, or that is necessary to the understanding of characteristic Chinese behaviour, including literally "the ways that are dark," it is the ''Book of Tao''. For Laotse's book contains the first enunciated philosophy of camouflage in the world; '''it teaches the [[wisdom]] of appearing [[foolish]], the [[success]] of appearing to [[fail]], the [[strength]] of [[weakness]] and the advantage of lying low, the benefit of yielding to your adversary and the futility of contention for power.''' It accounts in fact for any mellowness that may be seen in Chinese social and individual behaviour. If one reads enough of this Book, one automatically acquires the habit and ways of the Chinese. I would go further and say that if I were asked what antidote could be found in Oriental literature and philosophy to cure this contentious modern world of its inveterate belief in force and struggle for power, I would name this book of "5,000 words" written some 2,400 years ago. For Laotse (born about 570 B.C.) has the knack of making Hitler and other dreamers of world mastery appear foolish and ridiculous. The chaos of the modem world, I believe, is due to the total lack of a philosophy of the rhythm of life such as we find in Laotse and his brilliant disciple [[Chuangtse]], or anything remotely resembling it. And furthermore, '''if there is one book advising against the multifarious activities and futile busyness of the modern man, I would again say it is Laotse's ''Book of Tao''. It is one of the profoundest books in the world's philosophy.'''
** [[Lin Yutang]], ''The Wisdom of China and India'' (New York: Random House, 1942), "Laotse, the Book of Tao (''The Tao Teh Ching'')", Introduction, p. 579
* Laotse packs his oracular wisdom into five thousand words of concentrated brilliance. No thinker ever wrote fewer words to embody a whole philosophy and had as much influence upon the thought of a nation.
** [[Lin Yutang]], ''From Pagan to Christian'' (Cleveland and New York: World Publishing, 1959), Ch. 4: "The Peak of Mount Tao", pp. 107–108
* '''[[Political]] leaders are never leaders. For leaders we have to look to the Awakeners!''' '''Lao Tse''', [[Gautama Buddha|Buddha]], [[Socrates]], [[Jesus]], [[w:Milarepa|Milarepa]], [[G. I. Gurdjieff|Gurdjiev]], [[Jiddu Krishnamurti|Krishnamurti]].
** [[Henry Miller]], in ''My Bike & Other Friends'' (1977), p. 12
* '''The oldest known Chinese sage is Lao-Tze, the founder of Taoism. "Lao Tze" is not really a proper name, but means merely "the old philosopher."''' He was (according to tradition) an older contemporary of [[Confucius]], and his philosophy is to my mind far more interesting. He held that every person, every animal, and every thing has a certain way or manner of behaving which is natural to him, or her, or it, and that we ought to conform to this way ourselves and encourage others to conform to it. "[[Tao]]" means "way," but used in a more or less [[Mysticism|mystical]] sense, as in the text: "I am the Way and the [[Truth]] and the [[Life]]." I think he fancied that [[death]] was due to departing from the "way," and that if we all lived strictly according to [[nature]] we should be immortal, like the heavenly bodies.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], in ''The Problem of China'' (1922), Ch. XI - Chinese and Western Civilization Contrasted
*The greatest achievement of humanity is not its works of art, science, or technology, but the recognition of its own dysfunction, its own madness. In the distant past, this recognition already came to a few individuals. A man called [[Gautama Buddha|Gautama Siddhartha]], who lived 2,600 years ago in India, was perhaps the first who saw it with absolute clarity. Later the title [[Buddha]] was conferred upon him. Buddha means “the awakened one.” At about the same time, another of humanity's early awakened teachers emerged in China. His name was [[Lao Tzu]]. He left a record of his teaching in the form of one of the most profound spiritual books ever written, the [[Tao Te Ching]]. To recognize one's own insanity, is of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.
**[[Eckhart Tolle]], [[A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose|''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose'']] (2005)
* '''Lao Tzu was able to teach the Tao because he not only could let the Tao guide him and have direct experience of the Tao, but also was able to introduce and utilize the powerful coupling concepts of Non-Being and Being to describe and teach the Tao, so that he knew what he taught and knew how to teach for sure. And this is the main reason for Lao Tzu to be the greatest teacher of the Tao in the history.'''
** Yuhui Liang, in ''Tao Te Ching: The English Version That Makes Good Sense'' (2018), p. 121
* Whoever speaks is not wise, whoever is wise always keep silence; I hear this message from Laozi. If Laozi is a wise man, why did he himself write Dao De Jing which has five thousand words?
** [[Bai Juyi]], as quoted in Chen, B. (2006). ''[http://www.jstor.org/stable/30209875 The Debate on the Yan-Yi Relation in Chinese Philosophy: Reconstruction and Comments]''. Frontiers of Philosophy in China, 1(4), 539–560.
== See also ==
*[[Ageless Wisdom teachings]]
* [[Benjamin Hoff]]
* [[Laozi#Tao_Te_Ching|Tao Te Ching]]
* [[Category:Spiritual teachers|Spiritual teachers]]
* [[Taoism]]
{{Social and political philosophers}}
==References==
{{reflist}}
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wiktionary|Laozi}}
{{commonscat}}
{{wikisource|Tao te Ching}}
* [http://www.geekfarm.org/cgi-bin/tao.pl?chapter=0&translation=all 15 ''Tao Te Ching'' English translations] @GeekFarm.org
* [https://thetruetaoteching.wordpress.com/ An in-deep introduction to Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching], providing answers to the difficult and important questions about the Tao Te Ching by Yuhui Liang.
* Illustrated Translations in English by multiple authors: [http://taotechingme.com "TaoTeChingMe.com - translations and interpretations'']
*[http://www.chaos.org.nz/ttc.html Tao Te King as translated by Ch'u Ta-Kao (1904)]
* Interpretation by Stephen Mitchell: [http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/core9/phalsall/texts/taote-v3.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching''].
* Translation by [[w:John H. McDonald | j.h. mcdonald]]: [http://www.wright-house.com/religions/taoism/tao-te-ching.html Religions and Scriptures: ''Tao Te Ching''].
* An online translation by [[w:Charles Muller|Charles Muller]]: [http://www.hm.tyg.jp/~acmuller/contao/daodejing.html Professor Muller's site: ''Daode jing''].
* Translation by Chad Hansen: [http://web.archive.org/20030407221339/www.geocities.com/tao4dummies/reading_list.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching'': both English and modern Chinese]. Also ''Zhuangzi''.
* An Informal online interpolation by Ron Hogan is available in several formats at [http://www.beatrice.com/TAO.html Beatrice.com: ''Tao Te Ching'']. An [[w:iPod|iPod]] formatted version of this translation is available at [http://www.swiftlytilting.com/2006/01/01/the-tao-te-ching-for-ipod/ SwiftlyTilting.com: ''The Tao Te Ching for your iPod'']
* Translation by [[w:Sonja Elen Kisa|Sonja Elen Kisa]]: [http://www.kisa.ca/daodejing.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching'' (selected poems)] going by the name ''The Flow and the Power of Good''
* Translation from the City University of Hong Kong: [http://www.ee.cityu.edu.hk/~lmpo/laozi/ On-line ''Tao Te Ching'']. Classical and Vernacular Chinese, and English.
*[http://www.tao-te-king.org/index.html 老子 Lǎozĭ 道德經 Dàodéjīng - 拼音 Pīnyīn+王弼 WángBì+馬王堆 Mǎwángduī+郭店 Guōdiàn+大一生水 Tàiyī Shēngshǔi]
* Interpolation by Peter Merel: [http://web.archive.org/web/20051202062955/http://www.religiousworlds.com/taoism/ttcmerel.html On-line ''Tao Te Ching''].
* Commentary by Swami Nirmalananda Giri: [http://www.atmajyoti.org/spirwrit-taoism.asp Commentary on the Tao Te Ching].
* [[w:Wayne L. Wang|Wayne L. Wang]] [http://www.dynamictao.com/index.html The Dynamic Tao and Its Manifestations]: ''Tao and modern scientific thoughts''
* [http://www.chinapage.com/gnl.html Tao De Ching (GNL's Not Lao)] [https://web.archive.org/web/20160517234548/http://www.chinapage.com/gnl.html]
* [http://www.san.beck.org/Laotzu.html#2 Sanderson Beck's Interpretation]
* Translations and commentary by [http://www.daoisopen.com/BYNina.html Nina Correa]
* A "plain English" online interpolation of Chapters 1–37 ("Tao") by the [[w:Universal Dialectic|Universal Dialectic]] Institute: [http://naturyl.humanists.net/taotext.html ''Tao: The Way of Nature'']
* [http://thoughtaudio.com/titlelist/0010-taoteching/index.html Free mp3 downloads of Tao Te Ching] narrated by Michael Scott of [http://thoughtaudio.com/ ThoughtAudio.com].
* [http://www.duhtao.com Multiple English translations of Lao Tzu's the Tao Te Ching - Compare translations side-by-side]
=== Chinese versions ===
* [http://www.daoisopen.com/Comparisons.html Comparison Chart] Chinese characters with PinYin spellings of the Wang Bi, HeShang Gong, Mawangdui A and B, Guodian texts.
* [http://www.daoisopen.com/GuodianLaozi.html Bamboo slips of the Guodian text] Photographs of the Guodian Bamboo Slips with modern equivalents of the Chinese characters, PinYin and Wade Giles spellings, and English definitions.
[[Category:Spiritual teachers]]
[[Category:Founders of religions]]
[[Category:Monists]]
[[Category:Mystics]]
[[Category:Occultists]]
[[Category:Religious leaders from China]]
[[Category:Authors]]
[[Category:Taoism]]
[[Category:Philosophy]]
[[Category:Philosophers from China]]
[[Category:BCE births]]
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Anatole France
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[[File:Anatole France by Benque.jpg|thumb|right|The [[law]], in its majestic equality, forbids the rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.]]
'''[[w:Anatole France|Anatole France]]''' ([[16 April]] [[1844]] – [[12 October]] [[1924]]), born '''Jacques Anatole François Thibault''', was a French poet, journalist, and novelist. [[Ironic]] and [[skeptical]], he was considered in his day the ideal French man of letters. A member of the ''[[w:Académie française|Académie française]]'', he won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize in Literature]] in recognition of his literary achievements. He is widely believed to be the model for the narrator's literary idol "Bergotte" in [[Marcel Proust]]'s ''[[w: In Search of Lost Time|In Search of Lost Time]]''.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Anatole France (1889).jpg|thumb|right| If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.]]
[[File:Anatole France (1891).png|thumb|right|To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]].]]
[[File:Anders Zorn - Anatole France.jpg|thumb|right|[[Innocence]] most often is a good fortune and not a virtue.]]
[[File:Meuse-Argonne, 26 September–1 October 1918.gif|thumb|You think you are dying for your country; you [[die]] for the industrialists.]]
[[File:Anatole France Vanity Fair 11 August 1909.jpg|thumb|right|When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.]]
[[File:Anatole France Sicard.jpg |thumb|If fifty million [[people]] say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.]]
* ''Il est dans la nature humaine de penser sagement et d'agir d'une façon absurde.''
** '''It is [[human nature]] to [[think]] [[wisely]] and to act in an [[absurd]] [[fashion]].'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Livre_de_Pierre_-_Premi%C3%A8res_conqu%C3%AAtes#II._La_Dame_en_blanc ''Le livre de mon ami''] (1885): Le livre de Pierre, part I, ch. II: La dame en blanc
* ''Il est sage de ne mettre ni crainte, ni espérance dans l’avenir incertain.''
** That man is [[prudent]] who neither [[hopes]] nor [[fears]] anything from the uncertain events of the [[future]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Procurateur_de_Jud%C3%A9e ''L’Étui de nacre: Le Procurateur de Judée''] [Mother of Pearl: The Procurator of Judea] (1892)
* ''Le christianisme a beaucoup fait pour l’amour en en faisant un péché.''
** [[Christianity]] has done a [[great]] deal for [[love]] by making it a [[sin]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Jardin_d%E2%80%99%C3%89picure ''Le Jardin d'Épicure''] [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
** Variant translation: Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
* ''La souffrance! quelle divine méconnu! Nous lui devons tout ce qu'il ya de bon en nous, tout ce qui donne du prix à la vie; nous lui devons la pitié, nous lui devons le courage, nous lui devons toutes les vertus.''
** '''[[Suffering]] — how divine it is, how misunderstood! We owe to it all that is good in us, all that gives value to life; we owe to it pity, we owe to it courage, we owe to it all the virtues.'''
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of [[Epicurus]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> (1894)
* ''En art comme en amour, l'instinct suffit.''
** In [[art]] as in love, [[instinct]] is enough.
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
* ''S’il fallait absolument choisir, j’aimerais mieux faire une chose immorale qu’une chose cruelle.''
** '''If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/I ''Le Lys Rouge''] [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 1
* ''Cela consiste pour les pauvres à soutenir et à conserver les riches dans leur puissance et leur oisiveté. Ils y doivent travailler devant la majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.''
** '''It is the duty of the poor to support and sustain the rich in their power and idleness. In doing so, they have to work before the laws' majestic equality, which forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal loaves of bread.'''
*** ''[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/VII Le Lys Rouge]'' [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 7
* ''Pour accomplir de grandes choses il ne suffit pas d'agir, il faut rêver; il ne suffit pas de calculer, il faut croire.''
** '''To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]]'''.
** Variant: To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
** ''Discours de réception, Séance De L'académie Française'' (introductory speech at a session of the French Academy), 24th December 1896, on [[w:Ferdinand de Lesseps|Ferdinand de Lesseps]]' work on the Suez Canal.
* ''II n'y a que les pauvres gens qui payent comptant. Ce n'est pas par vertu; c'est parce qu'on ne leur fait pas crédit.''
** It is only the [[poor]] who pay cash, and that not from [[virtue]], but because they are refused [[credit]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_premier._Enfance#VI._LES_DEUX_TAILLEURS ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book I, ch. VI: Les deux tailleurs
* ''L'ignorance et l'erreur sont nécessaires à la vie comme le pain et l'eau.''
** [[Ignorance]] and [[error]] are [[necessary]] to [[life]], like bread and [[water]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_deuxi%C3%A8me._Notes_%C3%A9crites_par_Pierre_Noziere_en_marge_de_son_gros_Plutarque. ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book II: Notes écrites par Pierre Nozière en marge de son gros ''[[Plutarch|Plutarque]]''
* ''Ce sont les hommes qui n'aiment pas les femmes qui s'intéressent à la toilette des femmes. Et les hommes qui aiment les femmes ne voient pas seulement comment elles sont habillées.''
** Only [[men]] who are not interested in [[women]] are interested in women's clothes. Men who like women see more than how they dress.
*** ''Histoire contemporaine: L'anneau d'améthyste'' (1899)
* ''Dans tout État policé, la richesse est chose sacrée; dans les démocraties elle est la seule chose sacrée.''
** In every well-governed state, [[wealth]] is a [[sacred]] thing; in [[democracies]] it is the only sacred thing.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/L%27%C3%8Ele_des_Pingouins_-_Livre_VI_:_Les_Temps_modernes#CHAPITRE_II._PYROT ''L'Île des Pingouins''] [Penguin Island] (1908), Book VI: Les Temps Modernes, Ch. II: Pyrot
* ''L'innocence, le plus souvent, est un bonheur et non pas une vertu.''
** '''[[Innocence]] most often is a [[good]] [[fortune]] and not a [[virtue]].'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Les_Dieux_ont_soif_-_Chapitre_XV ''Les Dieux Ont Soif''] [The Gods Are Thirsty] (1912), ch. XV
* ''Nous avons des remèdes pour faire parler les femmes; nous n'en avons pas pour les faire taire.''
** We have medicines to make women speak; we have none to make them keep [[silence]].
*** ''La Comédie de celui qui épousa une femme muette'' [The Man Who Married a Dumb Wife] (1912), Act II, sc. iv
* ''Il ne savait rien, ne voulait rien savoir, en quoi il se conformait à son génie, dont il ne surchargeait point l’aimable petitesse, et son heureux instinct lui conseillait de comprendre peu plutôt que de comprendre mal.''
** He had no [[knowledge]] and had no [[desire]] to acquire any; wherein he conformed to his [[genius]] whose engaging fragility he forbore to overload; his [[instinct]] fortunately telling him that it was better to [[understand]] little than to misunderstand.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_1 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. I
* ''Un conte sans amour est comme du boudin sans moutarde; c’est chose insipide.''
** A tale without [[love]] is like beef without mustard: insipid.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_8 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. VIII
* ''Il est à peu près impossible de constituer systématiquement une morale naturelle. La nature n'a pas de principes. Elle ne nous fournit aucune raison de croire que la vie humaine est respectable. La nature, indifférente, ne fait nulle distinction du bien et du mal.''
** It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural [[moral]] [[law]]. [[Nature]] has no [[principles]]. She furnishes us with no [[reason]] to [[believe]] that [[human]] [[life]] is to be [[respected]]. Nature, in her [[indifference]], makes no distinction between [[good]] and [[evil]].
*** ''La Révolte des Anges'' [The Revolt of the Angels] (1914), ch. XXVII
* ''De toutes les définitions de l'homme, la plus mauvaise me paraît celle qui en fait un animal raisonnable.''
** Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a [[rational]] [[animal]].
*** ''Le Petit Pierre'' (1918), ch. XXXIII
* ''On croit mourir pour la patrie; on meurt pour les industriels.''
** '''You think you are dying for your [[country]]; you [[die]] for the industrialists.'''
*** ''L'Humanité'' (18 July 1922)
* ''Quand une chose a été dite et bien dite, n'ayez aucun scrupule, prenez-la, copiez.''
** '''When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock [Read Books, 2007, <small> {{ISBN|1-406-75172-3}}</small>], p. 56
* ''On devient bon écrivain comme on devient bon menuisier: en rabotant ses phrases.''
** '''You become a [[good]] [[writer]] just as you become a good joiner: by planing down your sentences.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock, p. 85
** Variant translation: You become a good writer just as you become a good carpenter: by planing down your sentences.
* ''Si 50 millions de personnes disent une bêtise, c'est quand même une bêtise.''
** '''If fifty million [[people]] say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.'''
*** As quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?redir_esc=y&hl=es&id=0CcWYwjwyRgC&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=foolish Listening and Speaking : A Guide to Effective Oral Communication]'' (1954) by Ralph G. Nichols and Thomas R. Lewis, p. 74 <!-- Though I have not yet found an earlier source for this, I see little reason to doubt that it originates with France, who is almost universally credited with it, and that it almost certainly precedes Maugham's comment about forty million people of 1901. ~ Kalki 2008·03·31 -->
**** Also misattributed to [[Bertrand Russell]], by [[Laurence J. Peter]], in ''The Peter Prescription : How To Make Things Go Right'' (1976), but he subsequently attributed to France in ''Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time'' (1977).
**** Derived variant: If forty million people say a foolish thing it does not become a wise one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie.
***** [[W. Somerset Maugham]], ''A Writer's Notebook'' (1949), entry for 1901
* A people under the menace of war and of invasion is very easy to govern. It does not claim social reforms, it does not cavil over armaments or military equipment. It pays without haggling, it ruins itself at it, and that is excellent for the syndicates, the financiers, and the heads of industry to whom patriotic terrors open an abundant source of gain.
** {{Cite web |date=1914-01-22 |title=Anatole France on Education. Speech at the Inauguration of the Education Part of the Socialist "Maison de Peuple," at Brussels |author=Translated for "The New Age" by Leonard J. Simons |work=The New Age (Volume 14, Number 12) |pages=363 |url=http://www.modjourn.org/render.php?id=1165338028234375&view=mjp_object |publisher=Modernist Journals Project |accessdate=2017-01-04}}
=== ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1881) ===
[[File:Anatole France par Leroux.jpg|thumb|right| He flattered himself on being a [[man]] without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.]]
: <small> ''Le Crime de Sylvestre Bonnard'' as translated by [[w:Lafcadio Hearn|Lafcadio Hearn]] (1890) - [http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext00/tcosb10.txt Full text of translation at Project Gutenberg]</small>
[[File:Anatole France at work.jpg|thumb|right|Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.]]
[[File:Anatole France 1921.png|thumb|right|It is by [[Action|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].]]
[[File:A. France par Stenlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.]]
* ''Je ne sais pas de lecture plus facile, plus attrayante, plus douce que celle d'un catalogue.''
** I do not know any [[reading]] more easy, more fascinating, more delightful than a catalogue.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les livres d'histoire qui ne mentent pas sont tout fort maussades.''
** All the [[historical]] [[books]] which contain no [[lies]] are extremely tedious.
** ''Variant'': History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les amants qui aiment bien n'écrivent pas leur bonheur.''
** '''Lovers who [[love]] truly do not write down their [[happiness]].'''
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (November 30, 1859)
* ''Savoir n'est rien, imaginer est tout.''
** To [[know]] is [[nothing]] at [[all]]; to [[imagine]] is everything.
*** Pt. II, ch. 2
* ''Il se flattait d'être sans préjugés, et cette prétention était à elle seule un gros préjugé.''
** '''He flattered himself on being a man without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les hommes qui se sont occupés du bonheur des peuples ont rendu leurs proches bien malheureux.''
** Those who have given themselves the most concern about the [[happiness]] of peoples have made their neighbors very [[miserable]].
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'homme est ainsi fait qu'il ne se délasse d'un travail que par un autre.''
** '''Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''J'ai toujours préféré la folie des passions à la sagesse de l'indifférence.''
** I prefer the [[folly]] of [[enthusiasm]] to the [[wisdom]] of [[indifference]].
** ''Variant'': I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the wisdom of indifference.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les gens qui n'eurent point de faiblesses sont terribles; on n'a point de prise sur eux.''
** People who have no [[weaknesses]] are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'art d'enseigner n'est que l'art d'éveiller la curiosité des jeunes âmes pour la satisfaire ensuite.''
** The whole [[art]] of [[teaching]] is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young [[minds]] for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Tous les changements, même les plus souhaités ont leur mélancolie, car ce que nous quittons, c'est une partie de nous-mêmes; il faut mourir à une vie pour entrer dans une autre.''
** '''[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
=== ''The Literary Life'' (1888-1892)===
[[File:Anatole France, par T.A. Steinlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].]]
:<small> ''La Vie Littéraire'' - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/19345 Full text online (French)]</small>
* ''C'est d'actes et non d'idées que vivent les peuples.''
** '''It is by [[actions|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].'''
*** Series I: [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/S%C3%A9r%C3%A9nus ''Sérénus'']
**Variant: '''It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.'''
*** As quoted in ''The Ironic Temper : Anatole France and His Time'' (1932)
* ''On reproche aux gens de parler d’eux-mêmes. C’est pourtant le sujet qu’ils traitent le mieux.''
** We reproach [[people]] for talking about themselves but it is the subject they treat best.
*** Series I: ''À propos du journal [[w:Goncourt brothers|des Goncourt]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/%C3%80_propos_du_%C2%AB_journal_des_Goncourt_%C2%BB]
* ''Les plus beaux mots du monde ne sont que de vains sons, si on ne les comprend pas.''
** '''The finest [[words]] in the [[world]] are only [[vain]] [[sounds]], if you cannot comprehend them.'''
*** Series I : [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Propos_de_rentr%C3%A9e_:_la_terre_et_la_langue ''Propos de rentrée: la terre et la langue'']
* ''Il est bon que le cœur soit naïf et que l’esprit ne le soit pas.''
** It is well for the [[heart]] to be naive and for the [[mind]] not to be.
*** Series II : ''M. [[w:Jules Lemaître|Jules Lemaître]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/M._Jules_Lema%C3%AEtre]
* ''Le bon critique est celui qui raconte les aventures de son âme au milieu des chefs-d'œuvre.''
** The [[good]] [[critic]] is one who tells of his [[mind]]'s adventures among masterpieces.
*** Series II : ''M. Jules Lemaître''
* ''L'ironie, c'est la gaieté de la réflexion et la joie de la sagesse.''
** '''[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].'''
*** Series III: ''[[François Rabelais|Rabelais]]'' [http://www.gutenberg.org/files/19345/19345-8.txt]
=== ''The White Stone'' (1905) ===
[[File:White Stone.jpg|thumb|And to me it seems that you have fallen [[asleep]] upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a [[moment]] while it was [[night]].]]
[[File:The White Stone pg 7.png|thumb| The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.]]
:<small>[[s:The White Stone|''Sur la pierre blanche'' (1905), as translated by Charles E. Roche (1910)]] · [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/49092 online at Project Gutenberg] · [https://archive.org/details/whitestone00fran/page/10/mode/2up online at Internet Archive] </small>
[[File:Edward Armitage - Julian the Apostate presiding at a conference of sectarian - 1875.jpg|thumb|The Emperor [[Julian]]'s [[morals]] were almost those of [[w: Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]]. There is nothing in this but what is [[natural]] and usual.]]
*And to me it seems that you have fallen [[asleep]] upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a [[moment]] while it was [[night]].
** ''[[w: Philopatris| Philopatris]]'', xxi, as translated in the epigraph, p. 8
* '''The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.''' Pay attention to this. The [[spirit]] which favoured the accession in Rome of the god of [[Israel]] was not merely the spirit of the masses, but also that of the [[philosophers]]. At that time, they were nearly all [[Stoics]], and believed in one god alone, one on whose behalf [[Plato]] had laboured and one unconnected by tie of family or friendship with the gods of human form of Greece and Rome. This god, through his infinity, resembled the god of the Jews. [[Seneca]] and [[Epictetus]], who venerated him, would have been the first to have been surprised at the resemblance, had they been called upon to institute a comparison. Nevertheless, they had themselves greatly contributed towards rendering acceptable the austere monotheism of the Judaeo-Christians. Doubtless a wide gulf separated Stoic haughtiness from Christian [[humility]], but Seneca's morals, consequent upon his sadness and his contempt of nature, were paving the way for the Evangelical morals. The Stoics had joined issue with life and the beautiful; this rupture, attributed to [[Christianity]], was initiated by the philosophers. '''A couple of centuries later, in the time of [[Constantine]], both pagans and Christians will have, so to speak, the same morals and philosophy.''' The Emperor [[Julian]], who restored to the Empire its old religion, which had been abolished by Constantine the Apostate, is justly regarded as an opponent of the Galilean. And, when perusing the petty treatises of Julian, one is struck with the number of [[ideas]] this enemy of the Christians held in common with them. He, like them, is a monotheist; with them, he believes in the merits of abstinence, fasting, and mortification of the flesh; with them, he despises carnal pleasures, and considers he will rise in favour with the gods by avoiding women; finally, he pushes Christian sentiment to the degree of rejoicing over his dirty beard and his black finger-nails. '''The Emperor Julian's morals were almost those of [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]].''' There is nothing in this but what is natural and usual. The transformations undergone by morals and ideas are never sudden. '''The greatest changes in social life are wrought imperceptibly, and are only seen from afar.''' Christianity did not secure a foothold until such time as the condition of morals accommodated itself to it, and as Christianity itself had become adjusted to the condition of morals. '''It was unable to substitute itself for paganism until such time as paganism came to resemble it, and itself came to resemble paganism.'''
** Ch. III, p. 135
* '''The great human asset is man himself.''' In order to rate the terrestrial globe, it is necessary to begin by rating men. To exploit the soil, the mines, the waters, all the substances and all the forces of our planet, it needs man, the whole of man; humanity, the whole of humanity. The complete exploitation of the terrestrial globe demands the united labour of white, yellow, and black men. By reducing, diminishing, and weakening, or, to sum it up in one word, by colonising a portion of humanity, we are working against ourselves. It is to our advantage that yellow and black men should be powerful, free, and wealthy. Our prosperity and our wealth depend on theirs. The more is produced, the more will there be consumed. The greater the profit they derive from us, the greater the profit we shall derive from them. If they reap the benefit of our labours, so shall we fully reap theirs. <br /> If we study the movements which govern the destinies of societies, we may perhaps discover signs that the era of violent deeds is coming to an end. War, which was formerly a standing institution among nations, is now intermittent, and the periods of peace have become of longer duration than those of war.
** Ch, IV, p. 175
* '''You seem to have dreamt on the white stone, in the midst of the [[people]] of [[dreams]], since you dreamt so long a dream in the course of so short a night.'''
** Ch. VI, p. 237
* "It is not likely," remarked Joséphin Leclerc, "that the future will be such as you have seen it. I do not wish for the coming of socialism, but I dread it not. Collectivism at the helm would be quite another thing than is imagined. Who was it who said, carrying back his thoughts to the time of Constantine and of the Church's early triumphs : 'Christianity is triumphant, but its triumph is subject to the conditions imposed by life on all political and religious parties. All of them, whatever they may be, undergo so complete a transformation in the struggle that after victory there remains of themselves but the name and a few symbols of the last idea'?"
** Ch. VI, p. 238
* "'''Upon the whole, [[humanity]] changes little. What has been shall be.'''" <br /> "No doubt," replied'Jean Boilly, " man, or that which we call man, changes little. We belong to a definite species. The [[evolution]] of the species is of necessity included in the definition of the species. It is impossible to conceive humanity subsequent to its transformation. A transformed species is a lost species. But what reason is there for us to believe that man is the end of the evolution of life upon the [[earth]]? Why suppose that his birth has exhausted the creative forces of nature, and that the universal mother of the flora and fauna should, after having shaped him, become for ever barren. A natural philosopher, who does not stand in fear of his own ideas, [[H. G. Wells]], has said : 'Man is not final.' No indeed, man is neither the beginning nor the end of terrestrial life. Long before him, all over the globe, animated forces were multiplying in the depths of the sea, in the mud of the strand, in the forests, lakes, prairies, and tree-topped mountains. After him, new forms will go on taking shape. A future race, born perhaps of our own, but having perchance no bond of origin with us, will succeed us in the empire of the planet. These new spirits of the earth will ignore or despise us. The monuments of our arts, should they discover vestiges of them, will have no meaning for them. Rulers of the future, whose mind we can no more divine than the [[w:palaeopithekos|palaeopithekos]] of the [[w:Sivalik Hills|Siwalik Mountains]] was able to forecast the trains of thought of [[Aristotle]], [[Newton]], and [[Henri Poincaré|Poincaré]]."
** Ch. VI, p. 238
=== ''[[w:Penguin Island (novel)|Penguin Island]]'' (1908) ===
[[File:Pompeii - Casa del Frutteto - Fig tree.jpg|thumb|right|You [[worship]] this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of [[feeling]] [[beauty]]. Now I come to [[reveal]] to you the hidden beauty.]]
:<small>[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1930 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Emperor penguins.jpg|thumb|right| Thinking that what he saw were [[men]] living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the [[gospel]] to them.]]
[[File:Yellow-eyed Penguins Auckland Islands.jpg |thumb|right|Just as the [[sun]] melts the ice of your [[mountains]] so [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] will melt the ice of your [[hearts]].]]
[[File:Schwimmen-mit-Pinguinen.jpg|thumb|right|When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither [[joy]] nor [[sorrow]], but an extreme surprise.]]
[[File:Penguin Bay at Drusillas Park.jpg|thumb|right|It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities.]]
* Mael, a scion of a royal family of Cambria, was sent in his ninth year to the Abbey of Yvern so that he might there study both sacred and profane [[learning]]. At the age of fourteen he renounced his patrimony and took a vow to serve the Lord. His time was divided, according to the [[rule]], between the singing of [[hymns]], the study of grammar, and the meditation of [[eternal]] [[truths]].
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. I : Life Of Saint Mael
* A beautiful fig-tree raised itself in a hollow of the island and thrust forth its branches far and wide. The inhabitants of the island used to [[worship]] it. <br> And the holy Mael said to them: "'''You worship this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of [[feeling]] [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty.'''" And he taught them the [[Gospel]]. And after having instructed them, he baptized them with salt and water.
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. II : The Apostolical Vocation Of Saint Mael
* '''Thinking that what he saw were men living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the gospel to them.'''<br>Mounted on a lofty stone in the midst of the wild circus:<br> "Inhabitants of this island," said he, "although you be of small stature, you look less like a band of fishermen and mariners than like the senate of a judicious republic. By your gravity, your [[silence]], your tranquil deportment, you form on this wild rock an assembly comparable to the Conscript Fathers at [[Rome]] deliberating in the temple of [[Victory]], or rather, to the philosophers of Athens disputing on the benches of the [[w:Areopagus|Areopagus]]. '''Doubtless you possess neither their [[science]] nor their [[genius]], but perhaps in the sight of [[God]] you are their superiors. I believe that you are [[simple]] and [[good]].''' As I went round your island I saw no image of [[murder]], no sign of carnage, no enemies' heads or scalps hung from a lofty pole or nailed to the [[doors]] of your villages. '''You appear to me to have no [[arts]] and not to [[work]] in metals. But your [[hearts]] are [[pure]] and your hands are [[innocent]], and the [[truth]] will easily enter into your [[souls]].'''" <br> Now what he had taken for men of small stature but of grave bearing were penguins whom the spring had gathered together, and who were ranged in couples on the natural steps of the rock, erect in the majesty of their large white bellies. From moment to moment they moved their winglets like arms, and uttered peaceful cries. '''They did not [[fear]] men, for they did not know them, and had never received any harm from them; and there was in the monk a certain gentleness that reassured the most timid animals and that pleased these penguins extremely.'''
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. V : The Baptism Of The Penguins
* Touched by their attention, the [[holy]] man taught them the Gospel. <br> "Inhabitants of this island, the earthly day that has just risen over your rocks is the image of the heavenly day that rises in your souls. For I bring you the inner [[light]]; '''I bring you the light and heat of the soul. Just as the [[sun]] melts the ice of your [[mountains]] so [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] will melt the ice of your [[hearts]].'''" <br> Thus the old man spoke. As everywhere throughout nature voice calls to voice, as all which breathes in the light of day loves alternate strains, these penguins answered the old man by the sounds of their throats. And their voices were soft, for it was the season of their loves.
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. V : The Baptism Of The Penguins
* The holy man, persuaded that they belonged to some idolatrous people and that in their own [[language]] they gave adherence to the [[Christian]] [[faith]], invited them to receive baptism. <br> "I think," said he to them, "that you bathe often, for all the hollows of the rocks are full of pure water, and as I came to your assembly I saw several of you plunging into these natural baths. Now purity of body is the image of spiritual purity."<br> And he taught them the origin, the nature, and the effects of baptism.<br> "Baptism," said he to them, "is Adoption, New Birth, Regeneration, Illumination."<br> And he explained each of these points to them in succession.<br> Then, having previously blessed the water that fell from the cascades and recited the [[exorcisms]], he baptized those whom he had just taught, pouring on each of their heads a drop of pure water and pronouncing the sacred words.<br>And thus for three days and three nights he baptized the [[birds]].
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. V : The Baptism Of The Penguins
* '''When the baptism of the penguins was known in [[Paradise]], it caused neither [[joy]] nor [[sorrow]], but an extreme surprise.''' The Lord himself was embarrassed. He gathered an assembly of clerics and doctors, and asked them whether they regarded the baptism as valid.
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. VI : An Assembly In Paradise
* [[Jealousy]] is a [[virtue]] of [[democracies]] which preserves them from [[tyrants]].
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* For the moment the [[peril]] was nowhere and yet everywhere. The majority remained solid; but the leaders became stiff and exacting.
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* A pretext presented itself; some [[insult]] needed to be avenged, or some [[debt]] to be collected. Six battleships, fourteen cruisers, and eighteen transports sailed up the mouth of the river Hippopotamus. Six hundred canoes vainly opposed the landing of the troops. Admiral Vivier des Murenes' cannons produced an appalling effect upon the blacks, who replied to them with flights of arrows, but in spite of their fanatical courage they were entirely defeated. Popular enthusiasm was kindled by the newspapers which the financiers subsidised, and burst into a blaze. Some [[Socialists]] alone protested against this barbarous, doubtful, and dangerous enterprise. They were at once arrested.
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* '''It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our [[necessities]]. Rich and poor, learned and [[ignorant]] are turning away from us. And when we try to lead back these misguided [[souls]], neither threats nor promises, neither gentleness nor [[violence]], nor anything else is now successful.''' The Penguin clergy pine in desolation; our country priests, reduced to following the humblest of trades, are shoeless, and compelled to live upon such scraps as they can pick up. In our ruined churches the [[rain]] of [[heaven]] falls upon the faithful, and during the holy offices they can hear the noise of stones falling from the arches. The tower of the cathedral is tottering and will soon fall. St. Orberosia is forgotten by the Penguins, her devotion abandoned, and her sanctuary deserted. On her shrine, bereft of its gold and precious stones, the spider silently weaves her web.
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* Penguinia gloried in its [[wealth]]. '''Those who produced the things [[necessary]] for [[life]], wanted them; those who did not produce them had more than enough.''' "But these," as a member of the Institute said, "are necessary [[economic]] fatalities." The great Penguin people had no longer either traditions, intellectual [[culture]], or [[arts]]. The [[progress]] of [[civilisation]] manifested itself among them by murderous industry, infamous speculation, and hideous [[luxury]]. Its capital assumed, as did all the great [[cities]] of the [[time]], a cosmopolitan and financial character. '''An immense and regular ugliness reigned within it. The country enjoyed perfect [[tranquillity]]. It had reached its zenith.'''
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* '''Drink! The flies have not spoilt my vintage; the vines were dry before they came.'''
** Book VIII : Future Times
=== ''[[w:The Revolt of the Angels|The Revolt of the Angels]]'' (1914) ===
[[File:Engel auf dem Friedhof.jpg|thumb|right|Your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to [[victory]].]]
:<small>''La Revolte des Anges'', as translated by Mrs. Wilfrid Jackson - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/32596 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Red-blue sunset.jpg|thumb|right|The sun is about to descend into the roseate waters of the Sacred River. When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this garden, where the joys of the intellect and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the spirit of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]].]]
[[File:Franz von Stuck 003.jpg|thumb|right|The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity.]]
[[File:GuidoReni MichaelDefeatsSatan.jpg|thumb|Archangel Michael, and you, [[Powers]], Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.]]
<!--[[File:Leontocefalo dal Mitreo Fagan (Ostia).jpg|thumb|We have destroyed [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]], our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and Fear. … Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. We were conquered because we failed to understand that Victory is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.]]-->
* '''For the majority of people, though they do not know what to do with this life, long for another that shall have no end.'''
** Ch. XXI
* Zita told him of the black standards assembled in crowds in all the waste places of the globe; of the deliverance premeditated and prepared in the provinces of Heaven, where the first revolt had long ago been fomented. <br> "Prince," she went on, "your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to victory.""[[Friends]]," replied the great archangel, "I was aware of the object of your visit. Baskets of fruit and honeycombs await you under the shade of this mighty tree. '''The [[sun]] is about to descend into the roseate [[waters]] of the [[Sacred]] [[River]].''' When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this [[garden]], where the [[joys]] of the [[intellect]] and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the [[spirit]] of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]]. To-morrow I will give you my answer."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Night hung its blue over the garden. [[Satan]] fell asleep.''' He had a dream, and in that dream, soaring over the earth, he saw it covered with angels in revolt, beautiful as gods whose eyes darted lightning. And from pole to pole one single cry, formed of a myriad cries, mounted towards him, filled with hope and love. And Satan said: <br> "Let us go forth! Let us seek the ancient adversary in his high abode." And he led the countless host of angels over the celestial plains. And Satan was cognizant of what took place in the heavenly citadel. When news of this second revolt came thither, the Father said to the Son:<br> "The irreconcilable foe is rising once again. Let us take heed to ourselves, and in this, our time of danger, look to our defences, lest we lose our high abode." <br> And the Son, consubstantial with the Father, replied: <br> "We shall triumph under the sign that gave Constantine the victory."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity. His countenance, wherein his soul was visible, expressed contempt for danger.''' By his orders, the chiefs of the thunderbolts, the Kerûbs, grown dull with the long interval of peace, paced with heavy steps the ramparts of the Holy Mountain, and, letting the gaze of their bovine eyes wander over the glittering clouds of their Lord, strove to place the divine batteries in position. After inspecting the defences, they swore to the Most High that all was in readiness. They took counsel together as to the plan they should follow. Michael was for the offensive. He, as a consummate soldier, said it was the supreme law. Attack, or be attacked, — there was no middle course. <br> "Moreover," he added, "the offensive attitude is particularly suitable to the ardour of the Thrones and Dominations."<br> '''Beyond that, it was impossible to obtain a word from the valiant chief, and this silence seemed the mark of a genius sure of himself.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Mutterings and murmurs, mingling with the rumours of glory, gave rise to fears of an indecisive battle, a precipitate retreat. Insolent voices gave out that a spirit of the lowest category, a guardian angel, the insignificant Arcade, had checked and routed the dazzling host of the three great archangels.'''<!-- <br> There were also rumours of wholesale defection in the Seventh Heaven, where rebellion had broken out before the beginning of Time, and some had even seen black clouds of impious angels joining the armies of the rebels on Earth. But no one lent an ear to the odious rumours, and stress was laid on the news of victory which ran from lip to lip, each statement readily finding confirmation. The high places resounded with hymns of joy; the Seraphim celebrated on harp and psaltery Sabaoth, God of Thunder. The voices of the elect united with those of the angels in glorifying the Invisible and at the thought of the bloodshed that the ministers of holy wrath had caused among the rebels, sighs of relief and jubilation were wafted from the Heavenly Jerusalem towards the Most High. But the beatitude of the most blessed, having swelled to the utmost limit before due time, could increase no more, and the very excess of their felicity completely dulled their senses. <br> The songs had not yet ceased when the guards watching on the ramparts signalled the approach of the first fugitives of the divine army; Seraphim on tattered wing, flying in disorder, maimed Kerûbs going on three feet. -->
** Ch. XXXV
* '''With impassive gaze, Michael, prince of warriors, measured the extent of the disaster, and his keen intelligence penetrated its causes.''' The armies of the living God had taken the offensive, but by one of those fatalities in war which disconcert the plans of the greatest captains, the enemy had also taken the offensive, and the effect was evident.
** Ch. XXXV
* The garrison laid down their arms before [[Satan]]. [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] placed his flaming sword at the feet of the conquering archangel. <br> "Take back your sword, Michael," said Satan. "It is [[Lucifer]] who yields it to you. Bear it in defence of peace and law." Then letting his gaze fall on the leaders of the celestial cohorts, he cried in a ringing voice: <br> "'''Archangel Michael, and you, Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.'''"<br>"We swear it," they replied with one voice.<br>And Satan said:<br>"'''Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, of all past wars, I wish but to remember the invincible courage that you displayed and the loyalty which you rendered to authority, for these assure me of the steadfastness of the fealty you have just sworn to me.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* The following day, on the ethereal plain, Satan commanded the black standards to be distributed to the troops, and the winged soldiers covered them with kisses and bedewed them with tears. <br> '''And [[Satan]] had himself crowned God.''' Thronging round the glittering walls of Heavenly Jerusalem, apostles, pontiffs, virgins, martyrs, confessors, the whole company of the elect, who during the fierce battle had enjoyed delightful tranquillity, tasted infinite joy in the spectacle of the coronation. <br> '''The elect saw with ravishment the Most High precipitated into [[Hell]], and Satan seated on the throne of the Lord. In conformity with the will of God which had cut them off from sorrow they sang in the ancient fashion the praises of their new Master.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Satan, piercing space with his keen glance, contemplated the little globe of earth and water where of old he had planted the vine and formed the first tragic chorus.''' And he fixed his gaze on that [[Rome]] where the fallen God had founded his empire on fraud and lie. '''Nevertheless, at that moment a saint ruled over the Church.''' Satan saw him praying and weeping. And he said to him: <br> "To thee I entrust my Spouse. Watch over her faithfully. '''In thee I confirm the right and power to decide matters of doctrine, to regulate the use of the sacraments, to make laws and to uphold purity of morals. And the faithful shall be under obligation to conform thereto. My [[Church]] is eternal, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Thou art infallible. Nothing is changed.'''" <br> '''And the successor of the apostles felt flooded with rapture.''' He prostrated himself, and with his forehead touching the floor, replied: <br> "'''O Lord, my God, I recognise Thy voice!''' Thy breath has been wafted like balm to my heart. '''Blessed be Thy [[name]]. Thy will be done on [[Earth]], as it is in Heaven. Lead us not into [[temptation]], but deliver us from evil.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* '''[[Satan]] found pleasure in praise and in the exercise of his grace; he loved to hear his wisdom and his power belauded.''' He listened with joy to the canticles of the cherubim who celebrated his good deeds, and he took no pleasure in listening to Nectaire's flute, because it celebrated nature's self, yielded to the insect and to the blade of grass their share of power and love, and counselled happiness and freedom. '''Satan, whose flesh had crept, in days gone by, at the idea that suffering prevailed in the world, now felt himself inaccessible to pity.''' He regarded suffering and death as the happy results of omnipotence and sovereign kindness. And the savour of the blood of victims rose upward towards him like sweet incense. '''He fell to condemning intelligence and to hating curiosity. He himself refused to learn anything more, for fear that in acquiring fresh knowledge he might let it be seen that he had not known everything at the very outset.''' He took pleasure in mystery, and believing that he would seem less great by being understood, he affected to be unintelligible. Dense fumes of [[Theology]] filled his brain. One day, following the example of his predecessor, he conceived the notion of proclaiming himself one god in three persons. Seeing Arcade smile as this proclamation was made, he drove him from his presence. Istar and Zita had long since returned to earth. Thus centuries passed like seconds. Now, one day, from the altitude of his throne, he plunged his gaze into the depths of the pit and saw [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]] in the [[w:Gehenna|Gehenna]] where he himself had long lain enchained. '''Amid the ever lasting gloom Ialdabaoth still retained his lofty mien. Blackened and shattered, terrible and sublime, he glanced upwards at the palace of the King of Heaven with a look of proud disdain, then turned away his head.''' And the new god, as he looked upon his foe, beheld the light of intelligence and love pass across his sorrow-stricken countenance. And lo! Ialdabaoth was now contemplating the Earth and, seeing it sunk in wickedness and suffering, he began to foster thoughts of kindliness in his heart. On a sudden he rose up, and beating the ether with his mighty arms, as though with oars, he hastened thither to instruct and to console mankind. '''Already his vast shadow shed upon the unhappy planet a shade soft as a night of love.''' <br> '''And Satan awoke bathed in an icy sweat.''' <br> Nectaire, Istar, Arcade, and Zita were standing round him. The finches were singing. <br> "Comrades," said the great archangel, "no — '''we will not conquer the heavens. Enough to have the power. [[War]] engenders war, and victory defeat.''' <br> '''"God, conquered, will become [[Satan]]; Satan, conquering, will become God. May the fates spare me this terrible lot; I love the Hell which formed my genius. I love the Earth where I have done some good, if it be possible to do any good in this fearful world where beings live but by rapine.''' <br> Now, thanks to us, the god of old is dispossessed of his terrestrial empire, and every thinking being on this globe disdains him or knows him not. '''But what matter that men should be no longer submissive to Ialdabaoth if the spirit of Ialdabaoth is still in them; if they, like him, are jealous, violent, quarrelsome, and greedy, and the foes of the arts and of beauty? What matter that they have rejected the ferocious Demiurge, if they do not hearken to the friendly demons who teach all truths; to [[w:Dionysus|Dionysus]], [[w:Apollo|Apollo]], and the [[w:Muse|Muses]]? As to ourselves, celestial spirits, sublime demons, we have destroyed Ialdabaoth, our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and [[Fear]]."''' <br> And Satan, turning to the gardener, said: <br> "Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. '''We were conquered because we failed to understand that [[Victory]] is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* [[Chance]] is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He did not want to sign.
** ''Le hasard, c'est peut-être le pseudonyme de Dieu, quand il ne veut pas signer.'' — [[w:Théophile Gautier|Théophile Gautier]], ''La Croix de Berny'' (1845), letter III: Edgard Meilhan au Prince de Monbert [http://books.google.com/books?id=3TEtAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA29&dq=%22le+pseudonyme+de+Dieu,+quand+il+ne+veut+pas+signer%22&ei=twPuR9TxGYXaygSI-5mYDg]
* Devout believers are safeguarded in a high degree against the risk of certain neurotic illnesses; their acceptance of the universal neurosis spares them the task of constructing a personal one.
** [[Sigmund Freud]], "The Future of an Illusion" (1927), ch. 8, from ''The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud,'' ed. James Strachey and Anna Freud (London, Hogarth Press, 1961), vol. 21, p. 44
* It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that I was no longer a boy. From that moment I began to grow old in my own esteem — and in my esteem age is not estimable.
** [[Lord Byron|George Gordon, Lord Byron]], from ''The Works of Lord Byron'', ed. Rowland E. Prothero (1901), vol. V: Letters and Journals, ch. XXIII: "Detached Thoughts" (15 October 1821 - 18 May 1822), paragraph 72 (p. 445)
* No [[government]] ought to be without censors; and where the press is free, none ever will.
** No government ought to be without censors: & where the press is free, no one ever will.
*** [[Thomas Jefferson]], [http://odur.let.rug.nl/~usa/P/tj3/writings/brf/jefl100.htm letter] to [[George Washington]] (9 September 1792)
* ''De toutes les aberrations sexuelles, la plus singulière est peut-être encore la chasteté.''
** Of all the sexual aberrations, [[chastity]] is the strangest.
*** [[w:Rémy de Gourmont|Remy de Gourmont]], ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel'' (1903), ch. 18: La question des aberrations [http://books.google.com/books?id=32ZJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA233&dq=%22De+toutes+les+aberrations+sexuelles%22&lr=&ei=6TXvR9yOM4zGyATqjfX4Bw].
** Variant: Of all sexual aberrations, perhaps the most curious is chastity.
*** Remy de Gourmont, ''The Natural Philosophy of Love'' (1922), the [[Ezra Pound]] translation of ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel''
* ''Le silence est l'esprit des sots<br>Et l'une des vertus du sage.''
** [[Silence]] is the wit of fools, and one of the virtues of the wise.
*** [[:fr:w:Bernard_de_Bonnard|Bernard de Bonnard]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=9gAvAAAAMAAJ&pg=PR14&dq=%22Et+l%27une+des+vertus+du+sage%22+Bonnard&ei=iyzvR-bFOIa4zASV0PyoBQ#PPA244,M1 "Le Silence,"] ''L'Almanach des Muses'' (1776)
* The [[fool]] doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
** [[William Shakespeare]], [[As You Like It]], Act v, Scene i
* Can any thing in this [[world]] be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth can come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
** [[Jeremy Taylor]], "Apples of Sodom," Part II, Sermon XX of ''Twenty-Five Sermons for the Winter Half-Year, Preached at Golden Grove'' (1653)
** Variant: What can be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth could come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
* You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.
** ''Je ne sais point de plus grande finesse pour parvenir à aimer que d'aimer, comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à parler en parlant, à travailler en travaillant.''
*** [[Francis de Sales]], quoted in ''Vie de saint François de Sales, évèque et prince de Genève'' by André Jean Marie Hamon (Librairie Victor Lecoffre, Paris, 1896), Vol. II, Book VII, Ch. V: Son amour pour Dieu
** Variant of sourced quotation: ''Comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à jouer du luth en jouant, à nager en nageant; aussi apprend-on à aimer Dieu et le prochain en l'aimant.'' — Francis de Sales, quoted in Jean-Pierre Camus, "L'esprit du bienheureux saint François de Sales" (1641), Part I, Section 31; published in ''Oeuvres complètes de saint François de Sales,'' ed. Jean-Irénée Depéry (Berche et Tralin, Paris, 1875), Vol. I
* An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. It's knowing where to go to find out what you need to know, and it's knowing how to use the information once you get it.
** The first two sentences of this statement first appear as attributed to France in the 1990s, but the full statement is earlier attributed to [[William Feather]], as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=Wm0jAQAAMAAJ&q=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&dq=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=qYJOU9dAzoXRAYumgcAP&ved=0CMsCEOgBMDQ ''Telephony'', Vol. 150 (1956), p. 23]
* Life is too short, and Proust is too long.
** Apparently an invention by {{w|Maurice Sachs}}; see discussion in [[Marcel Proust#Quotes_about_Proust|Quotes about Proust]].
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about France ==
[[File:Anatole France cropped.jpg|thumb|As a literary figure he stands [[alone]]; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of [[style]], can he be successfully attached to any special group of [[writers]]. ~ [[Lafcadio Hearn]] ]]
[[File:Anatole-France-mai1923.jpg|thumb|He had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested. ~ [[George Orwell]] ]]
* '''If by Realism we mean [[Truth]], which alone gives value to any study of [[human nature]], we have in Anatole France a very dainty realist''': — if by Romanticism we understand that unconscious tendency of the [[artist]] to elevate truth itself beyond the range of the familiar, and into the emotional realm of aspiration, then Anatole France is at times a romantic. And, nevertheless, '''as a literary figure he stands alone; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of style, can he be successfully attached to any special group of writers.'''
** [[Lafcadio Hearn]], in his introduction to his translation of ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1918)
* '''When Anatole France died, twenty years ago, his reputation suffered one of those sudden slumps to which highbrow writers who have lived long enough to become popular are especially liable.''' In [[France]], according to the charming French custom, vicious personal attacks were made upon him while he lay dying and when he was freshly dead. A particularly venomous one was written by [[w:Pierre Drieu la Rochelle|Pierre Drieu la Rochelle]], afterwards to become a collaborator of the [[Nazis]]. In [[England]], also, it was discovered that Anatole France was no good. A few years later than this a young man attached to a weekly paper (I met him afterwards in Paris and found that he could not buy a tram ticket without assistance) solemnly assured me that Anatole France ‘wrote very bad French’. France was, it seemed, a vulgar, spurious and derivative writer whom everyone could now ‘see through’. Round about the same time, similar discoveries were being made about [[Bernard Shaw]] and [[Lytton Strachey]]: but curiously enough all three writers have remained very readable, while most of their detractors are forgotten. <br /> How far the revulsion against Anatole France was genuinely literary I do not know. Certainly he had been overpraised, and one must at times get tired of a writer so mannered and so indefatigably pornographic. But it is unquestionable that he was attacked partly from political motives. He may or may not have been a great writer, but he was one of the symbolic figures in the politico-literary dogfight which has been raging for a hundred years or more. The clericals and reactionaries hated him in just the same way as they hated [[Zola]]. Anatole France had [[w:Dreyfus affair|championed Dreyfus]], which needed considerable [[courage]], he had debunked [[Joan of Arc]], he had written a comic history of France; above all, he had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. '''He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested.''' … He was willing to work for Socialism, even to deliver lectures on it in draughty halls, and he knew that it was both necessary and inevitable, but it is doubtful whether he subjectively wanted it. '''The world, he once said, would get about as much relief from the coming of Socialism as a sick man gets from turning over in bed.''' In a crisis he was ready to identify himself with the working class, but the thought of a Utopian future depressed him, as can be seen from his book, ''La Pierre Blanche''. … Temperamentally he was not a Socialist but a Radical. At this date that is probably the rarer animal of the two, and it is his Radicalism, his passion for [[liberty]] and intellectual [[honesty]], that give their special colour to the four novels about Monsieur Bergeret.
** [[George Orwell]], in "As I Please" in ''The Tribune'' (23 June 1944), reprinted in ''I Have Tried to Tell the Truth: 1943-1944'' (2001)
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
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*{{commonscat-inline}}
* [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/755 Anatole France at Project Gutenberg]
* [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Anatole_France Anatole France at French Wikisource]
{{DEFAULTSORT:France, Anatole}}
[[Category:Academics from France]]
[[Category:Novelists from France]]
[[Category:Poets from France]]
[[Category:Satirists from France]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Journalists from France]]
[[Category:Socialists from France]]
[[Category:People from Paris]]
[[Category:1844 births]]
[[Category:1924 deaths]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from France]]
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[[File:Anatole France by Benque.jpg|thumb|right|The [[law]], in its majestic equality, forbids the rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.]]
'''[[w:Anatole France|Anatole France]]''' ([[16 April]] [[1844]] – [[12 October]] [[1924]]), born '''Jacques Anatole François Thibault''', was a French poet, journalist, and novelist. [[Ironic]] and [[skeptical]], he was considered in his day the ideal French man of letters. A member of the ''[[w:Académie française|Académie française]]'', he won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize in Literature]] in recognition of his literary achievements. He is widely believed to be the model for the narrator's literary idol "Bergotte" in [[Marcel Proust]]'s ''[[w: In Search of Lost Time|In Search of Lost Time]]''.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Anatole France (1889).jpg|thumb|right| If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.]]
[[File:Anatole France (1891).png|thumb|right|To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]].]]
[[File:Anders Zorn, Anatole France, 1906, NGA 11336.jpg|thumb|[[Innocence]] most often is a good fortune and not a virtue.]]
[[File:Meuse-Argonne, 26 September–1 October 1918.gif|thumb|You think you are dying for your country; you [[die]] for the industrialists.]]
[[File:Anatole France Vanity Fair 11 August 1909.jpg|thumb|right|When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.]]
[[File:Anatole France Sicard (cropped).jpg|thumb|If fifty million people say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.]]
* ''Il est dans la nature humaine de penser sagement et d'agir d'une façon absurde.''
** '''It is [[human nature]] to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Livre_de_Pierre_-_Premi%C3%A8res_conqu%C3%AAtes#II._La_Dame_en_blanc ''Le livre de mon ami''] (1885): Le livre de Pierre, part I, ch. II: La dame en blanc
* ''Il est sage de ne mettre ni crainte, ni espérance dans l’avenir incertain.''
** That man is [[prudent]] who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the [[future]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Procurateur_de_Jud%C3%A9e ''L’Étui de nacre: Le Procurateur de Judée''] [Mother of Pearl: The Procurator of Judea] (1892)
* ''Le christianisme a beaucoup fait pour l’amour en en faisant un péché.''
** [[Christianity]] has done a great deal for [[love]] by making it a [[sin]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Jardin_d%E2%80%99%C3%89picure ''Le Jardin d'Épicure''] [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
** Variant translation: Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
* ''La souffrance! quelle divine méconnu! Nous lui devons tout ce qu'il ya de bon en nous, tout ce qui donne du prix à la vie; nous lui devons la pitié, nous lui devons le courage, nous lui devons toutes les vertus.''
** '''[[Suffering]] — how divine it is, how misunderstood! We owe to it all that is good in us, all that gives value to life; we owe to it pity, we owe to it courage, we owe to it all the virtues.'''
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of [[Epicurus]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> (1894)
* ''En art comme en amour, l'instinct suffit.''
** In [[art]] as in love, [[instinct]] is enough.
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
* ''S’il fallait absolument choisir, j’aimerais mieux faire une chose immorale qu’une chose cruelle.''
** '''If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/I ''Le Lys Rouge''] [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 1
* ''Cela consiste pour les pauvres à soutenir et à conserver les riches dans leur puissance et leur oisiveté. Ils y doivent travailler devant la majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.''
** '''It is the duty of the poor to support and sustain the rich in their power and idleness. In doing so, they have to work before the laws' majestic equality, which forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal loaves of bread.'''
*** ''[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/VII Le Lys Rouge]'' [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 7
* ''Pour accomplir de grandes choses il ne suffit pas d'agir, il faut rêver; il ne suffit pas de calculer, il faut croire.''
** '''To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]]'''.
** Variant: To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
** ''Discours de réception, Séance De L'académie Française'' (introductory speech at a session of the French Academy), 24th December 1896, on [[w:Ferdinand de Lesseps|Ferdinand de Lesseps]]' work on the Suez Canal.
* ''II n'y a que les pauvres gens qui payent comptant. Ce n'est pas par vertu; c'est parce qu'on ne leur fait pas crédit.''
** It is only the [[poor]] who pay cash, and that not from [[virtue]], but because they are refused [[credit]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_premier._Enfance#VI._LES_DEUX_TAILLEURS ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book I, ch. VI: Les deux tailleurs
* ''L'ignorance et l'erreur sont nécessaires à la vie comme le pain et l'eau.''
** [[Ignorance]] and [[error]] are [[necessary]] to [[life]], like bread and [[water]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_deuxi%C3%A8me._Notes_%C3%A9crites_par_Pierre_Noziere_en_marge_de_son_gros_Plutarque. ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book II: Notes écrites par Pierre Nozière en marge de son gros ''[[Plutarch|Plutarque]]''
* ''Ce sont les hommes qui n'aiment pas les femmes qui s'intéressent à la toilette des femmes. Et les hommes qui aiment les femmes ne voient pas seulement comment elles sont habillées.''
** Only [[men]] who are not interested in [[women]] are interested in women's clothes. Men who like women see more than how they dress.
*** ''Histoire contemporaine: L'anneau d'améthyste'' (1899)
* ''Dans tout État policé, la richesse est chose sacrée; dans les démocraties elle est la seule chose sacrée.''
** In every well-governed state, [[wealth]] is a [[sacred]] thing; in [[democracies]] it is the only sacred thing.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/L%27%C3%8Ele_des_Pingouins_-_Livre_VI_:_Les_Temps_modernes#CHAPITRE_II._PYROT ''L'Île des Pingouins''] [Penguin Island] (1908), Book VI: Les Temps Modernes, Ch. II: Pyrot
* ''L'innocence, le plus souvent, est un bonheur et non pas une vertu.''
** '''[[Innocence]] most often is a [[good]] [[fortune]] and not a [[virtue]].'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Les_Dieux_ont_soif_-_Chapitre_XV ''Les Dieux Ont Soif''] [The Gods Are Thirsty] (1912), ch. XV
* ''Nous avons des remèdes pour faire parler les femmes; nous n'en avons pas pour les faire taire.''
** We have medicines to make women speak; we have none to make them keep [[silence]].
*** ''La Comédie de celui qui épousa une femme muette'' [The Man Who Married a Dumb Wife] (1912), Act II, sc. iv
* ''Il ne savait rien, ne voulait rien savoir, en quoi il se conformait à son génie, dont il ne surchargeait point l’aimable petitesse, et son heureux instinct lui conseillait de comprendre peu plutôt que de comprendre mal.''
** He had no [[knowledge]] and had no [[desire]] to acquire any; wherein he conformed to his [[genius]] whose engaging fragility he forbore to overload; his [[instinct]] fortunately telling him that it was better to [[understand]] little than to misunderstand.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_1 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. I
* ''Un conte sans amour est comme du boudin sans moutarde; c’est chose insipide.''
** A tale without [[love]] is like beef without mustard: insipid.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_8 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. VIII
* ''Il est à peu près impossible de constituer systématiquement une morale naturelle. La nature n'a pas de principes. Elle ne nous fournit aucune raison de croire que la vie humaine est respectable. La nature, indifférente, ne fait nulle distinction du bien et du mal.''
** It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural [[moral]] [[law]]. [[Nature]] has no [[principles]]. She furnishes us with no [[reason]] to [[believe]] that [[human]] [[life]] is to be [[respected]]. Nature, in her [[indifference]], makes no distinction between [[good]] and [[evil]].
*** ''La Révolte des Anges'' [The Revolt of the Angels] (1914), ch. XXVII
* ''De toutes les définitions de l'homme, la plus mauvaise me paraît celle qui en fait un animal raisonnable.''
** Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a [[rational]] [[animal]].
*** ''Le Petit Pierre'' (1918), ch. XXXIII
* ''On croit mourir pour la patrie; on meurt pour les industriels.''
** '''You think you are dying for your [[country]]; you [[die]] for the industrialists.'''
*** ''L'Humanité'' (18 July 1922)
* ''Quand une chose a été dite et bien dite, n'ayez aucun scrupule, prenez-la, copiez.''
** '''When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock [Read Books, 2007, <small> {{ISBN|1-406-75172-3}}</small>], p. 56
* ''On devient bon écrivain comme on devient bon menuisier: en rabotant ses phrases.''
** '''You become a [[good]] [[writer]] just as you become a good joiner: by planing down your sentences.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock, p. 85
** Variant translation: You become a good writer just as you become a good carpenter: by planing down your sentences.
* ''Si 50 millions de personnes disent une bêtise, c'est quand même une bêtise.''
** '''If fifty million [[people]] say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.'''
*** As quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?redir_esc=y&hl=es&id=0CcWYwjwyRgC&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=foolish Listening and Speaking : A Guide to Effective Oral Communication]'' (1954) by Ralph G. Nichols and Thomas R. Lewis, p. 74 <!-- Though I have not yet found an earlier source for this, I see little reason to doubt that it originates with France, who is almost universally credited with it, and that it almost certainly precedes Maugham's comment about forty million people of 1901. ~ Kalki 2008·03·31 -->
**** Also misattributed to [[Bertrand Russell]], by [[Laurence J. Peter]], in ''The Peter Prescription : How To Make Things Go Right'' (1976), but he subsequently attributed to France in ''Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time'' (1977).
**** Derived variant: If forty million people say a foolish thing it does not become a wise one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie.
***** [[W. Somerset Maugham]], ''A Writer's Notebook'' (1949), entry for 1901
* A people under the menace of war and of invasion is very easy to govern. It does not claim social reforms, it does not cavil over armaments or military equipment. It pays without haggling, it ruins itself at it, and that is excellent for the syndicates, the financiers, and the heads of industry to whom patriotic terrors open an abundant source of gain.
** {{Cite web |date=1914-01-22 |title=Anatole France on Education. Speech at the Inauguration of the Education Part of the Socialist "Maison de Peuple," at Brussels |author=Translated for "The New Age" by Leonard J. Simons |work=The New Age (Volume 14, Number 12) |pages=363 |url=http://www.modjourn.org/render.php?id=1165338028234375&view=mjp_object |publisher=Modernist Journals Project |accessdate=2017-01-04}}
=== ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1881) ===
[[File:Anatole France par Leroux.jpg|thumb|right| He flattered himself on being a [[man]] without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.]]
: <small> ''Le Crime de Sylvestre Bonnard'' as translated by [[w:Lafcadio Hearn|Lafcadio Hearn]] (1890) - [http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext00/tcosb10.txt Full text of translation at Project Gutenberg]</small>
[[File:Anatole France at work.jpg|thumb|right|Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.]]
[[File:Anatole France 1921.png|thumb|right|It is by [[Action|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].]]
[[File:A. France par Stenlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.]]
* ''Je ne sais pas de lecture plus facile, plus attrayante, plus douce que celle d'un catalogue.''
** I do not know any [[reading]] more easy, more fascinating, more delightful than a catalogue.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les livres d'histoire qui ne mentent pas sont tout fort maussades.''
** All the [[historical]] [[books]] which contain no [[lies]] are extremely tedious.
** ''Variant'': History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les amants qui aiment bien n'écrivent pas leur bonheur.''
** '''Lovers who [[love]] truly do not write down their [[happiness]].'''
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (November 30, 1859)
* ''Savoir n'est rien, imaginer est tout.''
** To [[know]] is [[nothing]] at [[all]]; to [[imagine]] is everything.
*** Pt. II, ch. 2
* ''Il se flattait d'être sans préjugés, et cette prétention était à elle seule un gros préjugé.''
** '''He flattered himself on being a man without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les hommes qui se sont occupés du bonheur des peuples ont rendu leurs proches bien malheureux.''
** Those who have given themselves the most concern about the [[happiness]] of peoples have made their neighbors very [[miserable]].
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'homme est ainsi fait qu'il ne se délasse d'un travail que par un autre.''
** '''Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''J'ai toujours préféré la folie des passions à la sagesse de l'indifférence.''
** I prefer the [[folly]] of [[enthusiasm]] to the [[wisdom]] of [[indifference]].
** ''Variant'': I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the wisdom of indifference.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les gens qui n'eurent point de faiblesses sont terribles; on n'a point de prise sur eux.''
** People who have no [[weaknesses]] are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'art d'enseigner n'est que l'art d'éveiller la curiosité des jeunes âmes pour la satisfaire ensuite.''
** The whole [[art]] of [[teaching]] is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young [[minds]] for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Tous les changements, même les plus souhaités ont leur mélancolie, car ce que nous quittons, c'est une partie de nous-mêmes; il faut mourir à une vie pour entrer dans une autre.''
** '''[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
=== ''The Literary Life'' (1888-1892)===
[[File:Anatole France, par T.A. Steinlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].]]
:<small> ''La Vie Littéraire'' - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/19345 Full text online (French)]</small>
* ''C'est d'actes et non d'idées que vivent les peuples.''
** '''It is by [[actions|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].'''
*** Series I: [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/S%C3%A9r%C3%A9nus ''Sérénus'']
**Variant: '''It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.'''
*** As quoted in ''The Ironic Temper : Anatole France and His Time'' (1932)
* ''On reproche aux gens de parler d’eux-mêmes. C’est pourtant le sujet qu’ils traitent le mieux.''
** We reproach [[people]] for talking about themselves but it is the subject they treat best.
*** Series I: ''À propos du journal [[w:Goncourt brothers|des Goncourt]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/%C3%80_propos_du_%C2%AB_journal_des_Goncourt_%C2%BB]
* ''Les plus beaux mots du monde ne sont que de vains sons, si on ne les comprend pas.''
** '''The finest [[words]] in the [[world]] are only [[vain]] [[sounds]], if you cannot comprehend them.'''
*** Series I : [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Propos_de_rentr%C3%A9e_:_la_terre_et_la_langue ''Propos de rentrée: la terre et la langue'']
* ''Il est bon que le cœur soit naïf et que l’esprit ne le soit pas.''
** It is well for the [[heart]] to be naive and for the [[mind]] not to be.
*** Series II : ''M. [[w:Jules Lemaître|Jules Lemaître]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/M._Jules_Lema%C3%AEtre]
* ''Le bon critique est celui qui raconte les aventures de son âme au milieu des chefs-d'œuvre.''
** The [[good]] [[critic]] is one who tells of his [[mind]]'s adventures among masterpieces.
*** Series II : ''M. Jules Lemaître''
* ''L'ironie, c'est la gaieté de la réflexion et la joie de la sagesse.''
** '''[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].'''
*** Series III: ''[[François Rabelais|Rabelais]]'' [http://www.gutenberg.org/files/19345/19345-8.txt]
=== ''The White Stone'' (1905) ===
[[File:White Stone.jpg|thumb|And to me it seems that you have fallen [[asleep]] upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a [[moment]] while it was [[night]].]]
[[File:The White Stone pg 7.png|thumb| The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.]]
:<small>[[s:The White Stone|''Sur la pierre blanche'' (1905), as translated by Charles E. Roche (1910)]] · [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/49092 online at Project Gutenberg] · [https://archive.org/details/whitestone00fran/page/10/mode/2up online at Internet Archive] </small>
[[File:Edward Armitage - Julian the Apostate presiding at a conference of sectarian - 1875.jpg|thumb|The Emperor [[Julian]]'s [[morals]] were almost those of [[w: Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]]. There is nothing in this but what is [[natural]] and usual.]]
*And to me it seems that you have fallen [[asleep]] upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a [[moment]] while it was [[night]].
** ''[[w: Philopatris| Philopatris]]'', xxi, as translated in the epigraph, p. 8
* '''The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.''' Pay attention to this. The [[spirit]] which favoured the accession in Rome of the god of [[Israel]] was not merely the spirit of the masses, but also that of the [[philosophers]]. At that time, they were nearly all [[Stoics]], and believed in one god alone, one on whose behalf [[Plato]] had laboured and one unconnected by tie of family or friendship with the gods of human form of Greece and Rome. This god, through his infinity, resembled the god of the Jews. [[Seneca]] and [[Epictetus]], who venerated him, would have been the first to have been surprised at the resemblance, had they been called upon to institute a comparison. Nevertheless, they had themselves greatly contributed towards rendering acceptable the austere monotheism of the Judaeo-Christians. Doubtless a wide gulf separated Stoic haughtiness from Christian [[humility]], but Seneca's morals, consequent upon his sadness and his contempt of nature, were paving the way for the Evangelical morals. The Stoics had joined issue with life and the beautiful; this rupture, attributed to [[Christianity]], was initiated by the philosophers. '''A couple of centuries later, in the time of [[Constantine]], both pagans and Christians will have, so to speak, the same morals and philosophy.''' The Emperor [[Julian]], who restored to the Empire its old religion, which had been abolished by Constantine the Apostate, is justly regarded as an opponent of the Galilean. And, when perusing the petty treatises of Julian, one is struck with the number of [[ideas]] this enemy of the Christians held in common with them. He, like them, is a monotheist; with them, he believes in the merits of abstinence, fasting, and mortification of the flesh; with them, he despises carnal pleasures, and considers he will rise in favour with the gods by avoiding women; finally, he pushes Christian sentiment to the degree of rejoicing over his dirty beard and his black finger-nails. '''The Emperor Julian's morals were almost those of [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]].''' There is nothing in this but what is natural and usual. The transformations undergone by morals and ideas are never sudden. '''The greatest changes in social life are wrought imperceptibly, and are only seen from afar.''' Christianity did not secure a foothold until such time as the condition of morals accommodated itself to it, and as Christianity itself had become adjusted to the condition of morals. '''It was unable to substitute itself for paganism until such time as paganism came to resemble it, and itself came to resemble paganism.'''
** Ch. III, p. 135
* '''The great human asset is man himself.''' In order to rate the terrestrial globe, it is necessary to begin by rating men. To exploit the soil, the mines, the waters, all the substances and all the forces of our planet, it needs man, the whole of man; humanity, the whole of humanity. The complete exploitation of the terrestrial globe demands the united labour of white, yellow, and black men. By reducing, diminishing, and weakening, or, to sum it up in one word, by colonising a portion of humanity, we are working against ourselves. It is to our advantage that yellow and black men should be powerful, free, and wealthy. Our prosperity and our wealth depend on theirs. The more is produced, the more will there be consumed. The greater the profit they derive from us, the greater the profit we shall derive from them. If they reap the benefit of our labours, so shall we fully reap theirs. <br /> If we study the movements which govern the destinies of societies, we may perhaps discover signs that the era of violent deeds is coming to an end. War, which was formerly a standing institution among nations, is now intermittent, and the periods of peace have become of longer duration than those of war.
** Ch, IV, p. 175
* '''You seem to have dreamt on the white stone, in the midst of the [[people]] of [[dreams]], since you dreamt so long a dream in the course of so short a night.'''
** Ch. VI, p. 237
* "It is not likely," remarked Joséphin Leclerc, "that the future will be such as you have seen it. I do not wish for the coming of socialism, but I dread it not. Collectivism at the helm would be quite another thing than is imagined. Who was it who said, carrying back his thoughts to the time of Constantine and of the Church's early triumphs : 'Christianity is triumphant, but its triumph is subject to the conditions imposed by life on all political and religious parties. All of them, whatever they may be, undergo so complete a transformation in the struggle that after victory there remains of themselves but the name and a few symbols of the last idea'?"
** Ch. VI, p. 238
* "'''Upon the whole, [[humanity]] changes little. What has been shall be.'''" <br /> "No doubt," replied'Jean Boilly, " man, or that which we call man, changes little. We belong to a definite species. The [[evolution]] of the species is of necessity included in the definition of the species. It is impossible to conceive humanity subsequent to its transformation. A transformed species is a lost species. But what reason is there for us to believe that man is the end of the evolution of life upon the [[earth]]? Why suppose that his birth has exhausted the creative forces of nature, and that the universal mother of the flora and fauna should, after having shaped him, become for ever barren. A natural philosopher, who does not stand in fear of his own ideas, [[H. G. Wells]], has said : 'Man is not final.' No indeed, man is neither the beginning nor the end of terrestrial life. Long before him, all over the globe, animated forces were multiplying in the depths of the sea, in the mud of the strand, in the forests, lakes, prairies, and tree-topped mountains. After him, new forms will go on taking shape. A future race, born perhaps of our own, but having perchance no bond of origin with us, will succeed us in the empire of the planet. These new spirits of the earth will ignore or despise us. The monuments of our arts, should they discover vestiges of them, will have no meaning for them. Rulers of the future, whose mind we can no more divine than the [[w:palaeopithekos|palaeopithekos]] of the [[w:Sivalik Hills|Siwalik Mountains]] was able to forecast the trains of thought of [[Aristotle]], [[Newton]], and [[Henri Poincaré|Poincaré]]."
** Ch. VI, p. 238
=== ''[[w:Penguin Island (novel)|Penguin Island]]'' (1908) ===
[[File:Pompeii - Casa del Frutteto - Fig tree.jpg|thumb|right|You [[worship]] this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of [[feeling]] [[beauty]]. Now I come to [[reveal]] to you the hidden beauty.]]
:<small>[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1930 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Emperor penguins.jpg|thumb|right| Thinking that what he saw were [[men]] living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the [[gospel]] to them.]]
[[File:Yellow-eyed Penguins Auckland Islands.jpg |thumb|right|Just as the [[sun]] melts the ice of your [[mountains]] so [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] will melt the ice of your [[hearts]].]]
[[File:Schwimmen-mit-Pinguinen.jpg|thumb|right|When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither [[joy]] nor [[sorrow]], but an extreme surprise.]]
[[File:Penguin Bay at Drusillas Park.jpg|thumb|right|It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities.]]
* Mael, a scion of a royal family of Cambria, was sent in his ninth year to the Abbey of Yvern so that he might there study both sacred and profane [[learning]]. At the age of fourteen he renounced his patrimony and took a vow to serve the Lord. His time was divided, according to the [[rule]], between the singing of [[hymns]], the study of grammar, and the meditation of [[eternal]] [[truths]].
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. I : Life Of Saint Mael
* A beautiful fig-tree raised itself in a hollow of the island and thrust forth its branches far and wide. The inhabitants of the island used to [[worship]] it. <br> And the holy Mael said to them: "'''You worship this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of [[feeling]] [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty.'''" And he taught them the [[Gospel]]. And after having instructed them, he baptized them with salt and water.
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. II : The Apostolical Vocation Of Saint Mael
* '''Thinking that what he saw were men living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the gospel to them.'''<br>Mounted on a lofty stone in the midst of the wild circus:<br> "Inhabitants of this island," said he, "although you be of small stature, you look less like a band of fishermen and mariners than like the senate of a judicious republic. By your gravity, your [[silence]], your tranquil deportment, you form on this wild rock an assembly comparable to the Conscript Fathers at [[Rome]] deliberating in the temple of [[Victory]], or rather, to the philosophers of Athens disputing on the benches of the [[w:Areopagus|Areopagus]]. '''Doubtless you possess neither their [[science]] nor their [[genius]], but perhaps in the sight of [[God]] you are their superiors. I believe that you are [[simple]] and [[good]].''' As I went round your island I saw no image of [[murder]], no sign of carnage, no enemies' heads or scalps hung from a lofty pole or nailed to the [[doors]] of your villages. '''You appear to me to have no [[arts]] and not to [[work]] in metals. But your [[hearts]] are [[pure]] and your hands are [[innocent]], and the [[truth]] will easily enter into your [[souls]].'''" <br> Now what he had taken for men of small stature but of grave bearing were penguins whom the spring had gathered together, and who were ranged in couples on the natural steps of the rock, erect in the majesty of their large white bellies. From moment to moment they moved their winglets like arms, and uttered peaceful cries. '''They did not [[fear]] men, for they did not know them, and had never received any harm from them; and there was in the monk a certain gentleness that reassured the most timid animals and that pleased these penguins extremely.'''
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. V : The Baptism Of The Penguins
* Touched by their attention, the [[holy]] man taught them the Gospel. <br> "Inhabitants of this island, the earthly day that has just risen over your rocks is the image of the heavenly day that rises in your souls. For I bring you the inner [[light]]; '''I bring you the light and heat of the soul. Just as the [[sun]] melts the ice of your [[mountains]] so [[Jesus]] [[Christ]] will melt the ice of your [[hearts]].'''" <br> Thus the old man spoke. As everywhere throughout nature voice calls to voice, as all which breathes in the light of day loves alternate strains, these penguins answered the old man by the sounds of their throats. And their voices were soft, for it was the season of their loves.
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. V : The Baptism Of The Penguins
* The holy man, persuaded that they belonged to some idolatrous people and that in their own [[language]] they gave adherence to the [[Christian]] [[faith]], invited them to receive baptism. <br> "I think," said he to them, "that you bathe often, for all the hollows of the rocks are full of pure water, and as I came to your assembly I saw several of you plunging into these natural baths. Now purity of body is the image of spiritual purity."<br> And he taught them the origin, the nature, and the effects of baptism.<br> "Baptism," said he to them, "is Adoption, New Birth, Regeneration, Illumination."<br> And he explained each of these points to them in succession.<br> Then, having previously blessed the water that fell from the cascades and recited the [[exorcisms]], he baptized those whom he had just taught, pouring on each of their heads a drop of pure water and pronouncing the sacred words.<br>And thus for three days and three nights he baptized the [[birds]].
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. V : The Baptism Of The Penguins
* '''When the baptism of the penguins was known in [[Paradise]], it caused neither [[joy]] nor [[sorrow]], but an extreme surprise.''' The Lord himself was embarrassed. He gathered an assembly of clerics and doctors, and asked them whether they regarded the baptism as valid.
** Book I : The Beginnings, Ch. VI : An Assembly In Paradise
* [[Jealousy]] is a [[virtue]] of [[democracies]] which preserves them from [[tyrants]].
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* For the moment the [[peril]] was nowhere and yet everywhere. The majority remained solid; but the leaders became stiff and exacting.
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* A pretext presented itself; some [[insult]] needed to be avenged, or some [[debt]] to be collected. Six battleships, fourteen cruisers, and eighteen transports sailed up the mouth of the river Hippopotamus. Six hundred canoes vainly opposed the landing of the troops. Admiral Vivier des Murenes' cannons produced an appalling effect upon the blacks, who replied to them with flights of arrows, but in spite of their fanatical courage they were entirely defeated. Popular enthusiasm was kindled by the newspapers which the financiers subsidised, and burst into a blaze. Some [[Socialists]] alone protested against this barbarous, doubtful, and dangerous enterprise. They were at once arrested.
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* '''It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our [[necessities]]. Rich and poor, learned and [[ignorant]] are turning away from us. And when we try to lead back these misguided [[souls]], neither threats nor promises, neither gentleness nor [[violence]], nor anything else is now successful.''' The Penguin clergy pine in desolation; our country priests, reduced to following the humblest of trades, are shoeless, and compelled to live upon such scraps as they can pick up. In our ruined churches the [[rain]] of [[heaven]] falls upon the faithful, and during the holy offices they can hear the noise of stones falling from the arches. The tower of the cathedral is tottering and will soon fall. St. Orberosia is forgotten by the Penguins, her devotion abandoned, and her sanctuary deserted. On her shrine, bereft of its gold and precious stones, the spider silently weaves her web.
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* Penguinia gloried in its [[wealth]]. '''Those who produced the things [[necessary]] for [[life]], wanted them; those who did not produce them had more than enough.''' "But these," as a member of the Institute said, "are necessary [[economic]] fatalities." The great Penguin people had no longer either traditions, intellectual [[culture]], or [[arts]]. The [[progress]] of [[civilisation]] manifested itself among them by murderous industry, infamous speculation, and hideous [[luxury]]. Its capital assumed, as did all the great [[cities]] of the [[time]], a cosmopolitan and financial character. '''An immense and regular ugliness reigned within it. The country enjoyed perfect [[tranquillity]]. It had reached its zenith.'''
** Book VII : Modern Times, Ch. IX : The Final Consequences
* '''Drink! The flies have not spoilt my vintage; the vines were dry before they came.'''
** Book VIII : Future Times
=== ''[[w:The Revolt of the Angels|The Revolt of the Angels]]'' (1914) ===
[[File:Engel auf dem Friedhof.jpg|thumb|right|Your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to [[victory]].]]
:<small>''La Revolte des Anges'', as translated by Mrs. Wilfrid Jackson - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/32596 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Red-blue sunset.jpg|thumb|right|The sun is about to descend into the roseate waters of the Sacred River. When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this garden, where the joys of the intellect and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the spirit of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]].]]
[[File:Franz von Stuck 003.jpg|thumb|right|The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity.]]
[[File:GuidoReni MichaelDefeatsSatan.jpg|thumb|Archangel Michael, and you, [[Powers]], Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.]]
<!--[[File:Leontocefalo dal Mitreo Fagan (Ostia).jpg|thumb|We have destroyed [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]], our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and Fear. … Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. We were conquered because we failed to understand that Victory is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.]]-->
* '''For the majority of people, though they do not know what to do with this life, long for another that shall have no end.'''
** Ch. XXI
* Zita told him of the black standards assembled in crowds in all the waste places of the globe; of the deliverance premeditated and prepared in the provinces of Heaven, where the first revolt had long ago been fomented. <br> "Prince," she went on, "your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to victory.""[[Friends]]," replied the great archangel, "I was aware of the object of your visit. Baskets of fruit and honeycombs await you under the shade of this mighty tree. '''The [[sun]] is about to descend into the roseate [[waters]] of the [[Sacred]] [[River]].''' When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this [[garden]], where the [[joys]] of the [[intellect]] and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the [[spirit]] of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]]. To-morrow I will give you my answer."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Night hung its blue over the garden. [[Satan]] fell asleep.''' He had a dream, and in that dream, soaring over the earth, he saw it covered with angels in revolt, beautiful as gods whose eyes darted lightning. And from pole to pole one single cry, formed of a myriad cries, mounted towards him, filled with hope and love. And Satan said: <br> "Let us go forth! Let us seek the ancient adversary in his high abode." And he led the countless host of angels over the celestial plains. And Satan was cognizant of what took place in the heavenly citadel. When news of this second revolt came thither, the Father said to the Son:<br> "The irreconcilable foe is rising once again. Let us take heed to ourselves, and in this, our time of danger, look to our defences, lest we lose our high abode." <br> And the Son, consubstantial with the Father, replied: <br> "We shall triumph under the sign that gave Constantine the victory."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity. His countenance, wherein his soul was visible, expressed contempt for danger.''' By his orders, the chiefs of the thunderbolts, the Kerûbs, grown dull with the long interval of peace, paced with heavy steps the ramparts of the Holy Mountain, and, letting the gaze of their bovine eyes wander over the glittering clouds of their Lord, strove to place the divine batteries in position. After inspecting the defences, they swore to the Most High that all was in readiness. They took counsel together as to the plan they should follow. Michael was for the offensive. He, as a consummate soldier, said it was the supreme law. Attack, or be attacked, — there was no middle course. <br> "Moreover," he added, "the offensive attitude is particularly suitable to the ardour of the Thrones and Dominations."<br> '''Beyond that, it was impossible to obtain a word from the valiant chief, and this silence seemed the mark of a genius sure of himself.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Mutterings and murmurs, mingling with the rumours of glory, gave rise to fears of an indecisive battle, a precipitate retreat. Insolent voices gave out that a spirit of the lowest category, a guardian angel, the insignificant Arcade, had checked and routed the dazzling host of the three great archangels.'''<!-- <br> There were also rumours of wholesale defection in the Seventh Heaven, where rebellion had broken out before the beginning of Time, and some had even seen black clouds of impious angels joining the armies of the rebels on Earth. But no one lent an ear to the odious rumours, and stress was laid on the news of victory which ran from lip to lip, each statement readily finding confirmation. The high places resounded with hymns of joy; the Seraphim celebrated on harp and psaltery Sabaoth, God of Thunder. The voices of the elect united with those of the angels in glorifying the Invisible and at the thought of the bloodshed that the ministers of holy wrath had caused among the rebels, sighs of relief and jubilation were wafted from the Heavenly Jerusalem towards the Most High. But the beatitude of the most blessed, having swelled to the utmost limit before due time, could increase no more, and the very excess of their felicity completely dulled their senses. <br> The songs had not yet ceased when the guards watching on the ramparts signalled the approach of the first fugitives of the divine army; Seraphim on tattered wing, flying in disorder, maimed Kerûbs going on three feet. -->
** Ch. XXXV
* '''With impassive gaze, Michael, prince of warriors, measured the extent of the disaster, and his keen intelligence penetrated its causes.''' The armies of the living God had taken the offensive, but by one of those fatalities in war which disconcert the plans of the greatest captains, the enemy had also taken the offensive, and the effect was evident.
** Ch. XXXV
* The garrison laid down their arms before [[Satan]]. [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] placed his flaming sword at the feet of the conquering archangel. <br> "Take back your sword, Michael," said Satan. "It is [[Lucifer]] who yields it to you. Bear it in defence of peace and law." Then letting his gaze fall on the leaders of the celestial cohorts, he cried in a ringing voice: <br> "'''Archangel Michael, and you, Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.'''"<br>"We swear it," they replied with one voice.<br>And Satan said:<br>"'''Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, of all past wars, I wish but to remember the invincible courage that you displayed and the loyalty which you rendered to authority, for these assure me of the steadfastness of the fealty you have just sworn to me.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* The following day, on the ethereal plain, Satan commanded the black standards to be distributed to the troops, and the winged soldiers covered them with kisses and bedewed them with tears. <br> '''And [[Satan]] had himself crowned God.''' Thronging round the glittering walls of Heavenly Jerusalem, apostles, pontiffs, virgins, martyrs, confessors, the whole company of the elect, who during the fierce battle had enjoyed delightful tranquillity, tasted infinite joy in the spectacle of the coronation. <br> '''The elect saw with ravishment the Most High precipitated into [[Hell]], and Satan seated on the throne of the Lord. In conformity with the will of God which had cut them off from sorrow they sang in the ancient fashion the praises of their new Master.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Satan, piercing space with his keen glance, contemplated the little globe of earth and water where of old he had planted the vine and formed the first tragic chorus.''' And he fixed his gaze on that [[Rome]] where the fallen God had founded his empire on fraud and lie. '''Nevertheless, at that moment a saint ruled over the Church.''' Satan saw him praying and weeping. And he said to him: <br> "To thee I entrust my Spouse. Watch over her faithfully. '''In thee I confirm the right and power to decide matters of doctrine, to regulate the use of the sacraments, to make laws and to uphold purity of morals. And the faithful shall be under obligation to conform thereto. My [[Church]] is eternal, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Thou art infallible. Nothing is changed.'''" <br> '''And the successor of the apostles felt flooded with rapture.''' He prostrated himself, and with his forehead touching the floor, replied: <br> "'''O Lord, my God, I recognise Thy voice!''' Thy breath has been wafted like balm to my heart. '''Blessed be Thy [[name]]. Thy will be done on [[Earth]], as it is in Heaven. Lead us not into [[temptation]], but deliver us from evil.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* '''[[Satan]] found pleasure in praise and in the exercise of his grace; he loved to hear his wisdom and his power belauded.''' He listened with joy to the canticles of the cherubim who celebrated his good deeds, and he took no pleasure in listening to Nectaire's flute, because it celebrated nature's self, yielded to the insect and to the blade of grass their share of power and love, and counselled happiness and freedom. '''Satan, whose flesh had crept, in days gone by, at the idea that suffering prevailed in the world, now felt himself inaccessible to pity.''' He regarded suffering and death as the happy results of omnipotence and sovereign kindness. And the savour of the blood of victims rose upward towards him like sweet incense. '''He fell to condemning intelligence and to hating curiosity. He himself refused to learn anything more, for fear that in acquiring fresh knowledge he might let it be seen that he had not known everything at the very outset.''' He took pleasure in mystery, and believing that he would seem less great by being understood, he affected to be unintelligible. Dense fumes of [[Theology]] filled his brain. One day, following the example of his predecessor, he conceived the notion of proclaiming himself one god in three persons. Seeing Arcade smile as this proclamation was made, he drove him from his presence. Istar and Zita had long since returned to earth. Thus centuries passed like seconds. Now, one day, from the altitude of his throne, he plunged his gaze into the depths of the pit and saw [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]] in the [[w:Gehenna|Gehenna]] where he himself had long lain enchained. '''Amid the ever lasting gloom Ialdabaoth still retained his lofty mien. Blackened and shattered, terrible and sublime, he glanced upwards at the palace of the King of Heaven with a look of proud disdain, then turned away his head.''' And the new god, as he looked upon his foe, beheld the light of intelligence and love pass across his sorrow-stricken countenance. And lo! Ialdabaoth was now contemplating the Earth and, seeing it sunk in wickedness and suffering, he began to foster thoughts of kindliness in his heart. On a sudden he rose up, and beating the ether with his mighty arms, as though with oars, he hastened thither to instruct and to console mankind. '''Already his vast shadow shed upon the unhappy planet a shade soft as a night of love.''' <br> '''And Satan awoke bathed in an icy sweat.''' <br> Nectaire, Istar, Arcade, and Zita were standing round him. The finches were singing. <br> "Comrades," said the great archangel, "no — '''we will not conquer the heavens. Enough to have the power. [[War]] engenders war, and victory defeat.''' <br> '''"God, conquered, will become [[Satan]]; Satan, conquering, will become God. May the fates spare me this terrible lot; I love the Hell which formed my genius. I love the Earth where I have done some good, if it be possible to do any good in this fearful world where beings live but by rapine.''' <br> Now, thanks to us, the god of old is dispossessed of his terrestrial empire, and every thinking being on this globe disdains him or knows him not. '''But what matter that men should be no longer submissive to Ialdabaoth if the spirit of Ialdabaoth is still in them; if they, like him, are jealous, violent, quarrelsome, and greedy, and the foes of the arts and of beauty? What matter that they have rejected the ferocious Demiurge, if they do not hearken to the friendly demons who teach all truths; to [[w:Dionysus|Dionysus]], [[w:Apollo|Apollo]], and the [[w:Muse|Muses]]? As to ourselves, celestial spirits, sublime demons, we have destroyed Ialdabaoth, our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and [[Fear]]."''' <br> And Satan, turning to the gardener, said: <br> "Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. '''We were conquered because we failed to understand that [[Victory]] is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* [[Chance]] is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He did not want to sign.
** ''Le hasard, c'est peut-être le pseudonyme de Dieu, quand il ne veut pas signer.'' — [[w:Théophile Gautier|Théophile Gautier]], ''La Croix de Berny'' (1845), letter III: Edgard Meilhan au Prince de Monbert [http://books.google.com/books?id=3TEtAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA29&dq=%22le+pseudonyme+de+Dieu,+quand+il+ne+veut+pas+signer%22&ei=twPuR9TxGYXaygSI-5mYDg]
* Devout believers are safeguarded in a high degree against the risk of certain neurotic illnesses; their acceptance of the universal neurosis spares them the task of constructing a personal one.
** [[Sigmund Freud]], "The Future of an Illusion" (1927), ch. 8, from ''The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud,'' ed. James Strachey and Anna Freud (London, Hogarth Press, 1961), vol. 21, p. 44
* It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that I was no longer a boy. From that moment I began to grow old in my own esteem — and in my esteem age is not estimable.
** [[Lord Byron|George Gordon, Lord Byron]], from ''The Works of Lord Byron'', ed. Rowland E. Prothero (1901), vol. V: Letters and Journals, ch. XXIII: "Detached Thoughts" (15 October 1821 - 18 May 1822), paragraph 72 (p. 445)
* No [[government]] ought to be without censors; and where the press is free, none ever will.
** No government ought to be without censors: & where the press is free, no one ever will.
*** [[Thomas Jefferson]], [http://odur.let.rug.nl/~usa/P/tj3/writings/brf/jefl100.htm letter] to [[George Washington]] (9 September 1792)
* ''De toutes les aberrations sexuelles, la plus singulière est peut-être encore la chasteté.''
** Of all the sexual aberrations, [[chastity]] is the strangest.
*** [[w:Rémy de Gourmont|Remy de Gourmont]], ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel'' (1903), ch. 18: La question des aberrations [http://books.google.com/books?id=32ZJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA233&dq=%22De+toutes+les+aberrations+sexuelles%22&lr=&ei=6TXvR9yOM4zGyATqjfX4Bw].
** Variant: Of all sexual aberrations, perhaps the most curious is chastity.
*** Remy de Gourmont, ''The Natural Philosophy of Love'' (1922), the [[Ezra Pound]] translation of ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel''
* ''Le silence est l'esprit des sots<br>Et l'une des vertus du sage.''
** [[Silence]] is the wit of fools, and one of the virtues of the wise.
*** [[:fr:w:Bernard_de_Bonnard|Bernard de Bonnard]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=9gAvAAAAMAAJ&pg=PR14&dq=%22Et+l%27une+des+vertus+du+sage%22+Bonnard&ei=iyzvR-bFOIa4zASV0PyoBQ#PPA244,M1 "Le Silence,"] ''L'Almanach des Muses'' (1776)
* The [[fool]] doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
** [[William Shakespeare]], [[As You Like It]], Act v, Scene i
* Can any thing in this [[world]] be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth can come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
** [[Jeremy Taylor]], "Apples of Sodom," Part II, Sermon XX of ''Twenty-Five Sermons for the Winter Half-Year, Preached at Golden Grove'' (1653)
** Variant: What can be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth could come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
* You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.
** ''Je ne sais point de plus grande finesse pour parvenir à aimer que d'aimer, comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à parler en parlant, à travailler en travaillant.''
*** [[Francis de Sales]], quoted in ''Vie de saint François de Sales, évèque et prince de Genève'' by André Jean Marie Hamon (Librairie Victor Lecoffre, Paris, 1896), Vol. II, Book VII, Ch. V: Son amour pour Dieu
** Variant of sourced quotation: ''Comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à jouer du luth en jouant, à nager en nageant; aussi apprend-on à aimer Dieu et le prochain en l'aimant.'' — Francis de Sales, quoted in Jean-Pierre Camus, "L'esprit du bienheureux saint François de Sales" (1641), Part I, Section 31; published in ''Oeuvres complètes de saint François de Sales,'' ed. Jean-Irénée Depéry (Berche et Tralin, Paris, 1875), Vol. I
* An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. It's knowing where to go to find out what you need to know, and it's knowing how to use the information once you get it.
** The first two sentences of this statement first appear as attributed to France in the 1990s, but the full statement is earlier attributed to [[William Feather]], as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=Wm0jAQAAMAAJ&q=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&dq=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=qYJOU9dAzoXRAYumgcAP&ved=0CMsCEOgBMDQ ''Telephony'', Vol. 150 (1956), p. 23]
* Life is too short, and Proust is too long.
** Apparently an invention by {{w|Maurice Sachs}}; see discussion in [[Marcel Proust#Quotes_about_Proust|Quotes about Proust]].
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about France ==
[[File:Anatole France cropped.jpg|thumb|As a literary figure he stands [[alone]]; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of [[style]], can he be successfully attached to any special group of [[writers]]. ~ [[Lafcadio Hearn]] ]]
[[File:Anatole-France-mai1923.jpg|thumb|He had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested. ~ [[George Orwell]] ]]
* '''If by Realism we mean [[Truth]], which alone gives value to any study of [[human nature]], we have in Anatole France a very dainty realist''': — if by Romanticism we understand that unconscious tendency of the [[artist]] to elevate truth itself beyond the range of the familiar, and into the emotional realm of aspiration, then Anatole France is at times a romantic. And, nevertheless, '''as a literary figure he stands alone; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of style, can he be successfully attached to any special group of writers.'''
** [[Lafcadio Hearn]], in his introduction to his translation of ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1918)
* '''When Anatole France died, twenty years ago, his reputation suffered one of those sudden slumps to which highbrow writers who have lived long enough to become popular are especially liable.''' In [[France]], according to the charming French custom, vicious personal attacks were made upon him while he lay dying and when he was freshly dead. A particularly venomous one was written by [[w:Pierre Drieu la Rochelle|Pierre Drieu la Rochelle]], afterwards to become a collaborator of the [[Nazis]]. In [[England]], also, it was discovered that Anatole France was no good. A few years later than this a young man attached to a weekly paper (I met him afterwards in Paris and found that he could not buy a tram ticket without assistance) solemnly assured me that Anatole France ‘wrote very bad French’. France was, it seemed, a vulgar, spurious and derivative writer whom everyone could now ‘see through’. Round about the same time, similar discoveries were being made about [[Bernard Shaw]] and [[Lytton Strachey]]: but curiously enough all three writers have remained very readable, while most of their detractors are forgotten. <br /> How far the revulsion against Anatole France was genuinely literary I do not know. Certainly he had been overpraised, and one must at times get tired of a writer so mannered and so indefatigably pornographic. But it is unquestionable that he was attacked partly from political motives. He may or may not have been a great writer, but he was one of the symbolic figures in the politico-literary dogfight which has been raging for a hundred years or more. The clericals and reactionaries hated him in just the same way as they hated [[Zola]]. Anatole France had [[w:Dreyfus affair|championed Dreyfus]], which needed considerable [[courage]], he had debunked [[Joan of Arc]], he had written a comic history of France; above all, he had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. '''He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested.''' … He was willing to work for Socialism, even to deliver lectures on it in draughty halls, and he knew that it was both necessary and inevitable, but it is doubtful whether he subjectively wanted it. '''The world, he once said, would get about as much relief from the coming of Socialism as a sick man gets from turning over in bed.''' In a crisis he was ready to identify himself with the working class, but the thought of a Utopian future depressed him, as can be seen from his book, ''La Pierre Blanche''. … Temperamentally he was not a Socialist but a Radical. At this date that is probably the rarer animal of the two, and it is his Radicalism, his passion for [[liberty]] and intellectual [[honesty]], that give their special colour to the four novels about Monsieur Bergeret.
** [[George Orwell]], in "As I Please" in ''The Tribune'' (23 June 1944), reprinted in ''I Have Tried to Tell the Truth: 1943-1944'' (2001)
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline}}
*{{commonscat-inline}}
* [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/755 Anatole France at Project Gutenberg]
* [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Anatole_France Anatole France at French Wikisource]
{{DEFAULTSORT:France, Anatole}}
[[Category:Academics from France]]
[[Category:Novelists from France]]
[[Category:Poets from France]]
[[Category:Satirists from France]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Journalists from France]]
[[Category:Socialists from France]]
[[Category:People from Paris]]
[[Category:1844 births]]
[[Category:1924 deaths]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from France]]
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[[File:Anatole France by Benque.jpg|thumb|right|The [[law]], in its majestic equality, forbids the rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.]]
'''[[w:Anatole France|Anatole France]]''' ([[16 April]] [[1844]] – [[12 October]] [[1924]]), born '''Jacques Anatole François Thibault''', was a French poet, journalist, and novelist. [[Ironic]] and [[skeptical]], he was considered in his day the ideal French man of letters. A member of the ''[[w:Académie française|Académie française]]'', he won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize in Literature]] in recognition of his literary achievements. He is widely believed to be the model for the narrator's literary idol "Bergotte" in [[Marcel Proust]]'s ''[[w: In Search of Lost Time|In Search of Lost Time]]''.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Anatole France (1889).jpg|thumb|right| If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.]]
[[File:Anatole France (1891).png|thumb|right|To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]].]]
[[File:Anders Zorn, Anatole France, 1906, NGA 11336.jpg|thumb|[[Innocence]] most often is a good fortune and not a virtue.]]
[[File:Meuse-Argonne, 26 September–1 October 1918.gif|thumb|You think you are dying for your country; you [[die]] for the industrialists.]]
[[File:Anatole France Vanity Fair 11 August 1909.jpg|thumb|right|When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.]]
[[File:Anatole France Sicard (cropped).jpg|thumb|If fifty million people say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.]]
* ''Il est dans la nature humaine de penser sagement et d'agir d'une façon absurde.''
** '''It is [[human nature]] to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Livre_de_Pierre_-_Premi%C3%A8res_conqu%C3%AAtes#II._La_Dame_en_blanc ''Le livre de mon ami''] (1885): Le livre de Pierre, part I, ch. II: La dame en blanc
* ''Il est sage de ne mettre ni crainte, ni espérance dans l’avenir incertain.''
** That man is [[prudent]] who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the [[future]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Procurateur_de_Jud%C3%A9e ''L’Étui de nacre: Le Procurateur de Judée''] [Mother of Pearl: The Procurator of Judea] (1892)
* ''Le christianisme a beaucoup fait pour l’amour en en faisant un péché.''
** [[Christianity]] has done a great deal for [[love]] by making it a [[sin]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Jardin_d%E2%80%99%C3%89picure ''Le Jardin d'Épicure''] [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
** Variant translation: Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
* ''La souffrance! quelle divine méconnu! Nous lui devons tout ce qu'il ya de bon en nous, tout ce qui donne du prix à la vie; nous lui devons la pitié, nous lui devons le courage, nous lui devons toutes les vertus.''
** '''[[Suffering]] — how divine it is, how misunderstood! We owe to it all that is good in us, all that gives value to life; we owe to it pity, we owe to it courage, we owe to it all the virtues.'''
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of [[Epicurus]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> (1894)
* ''En art comme en amour, l'instinct suffit.''
** In [[art]] as in love, [[instinct]] is enough.
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
* ''S’il fallait absolument choisir, j’aimerais mieux faire une chose immorale qu’une chose cruelle.''
** '''If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/I ''Le Lys Rouge''] [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 1
* ''Cela consiste pour les pauvres à soutenir et à conserver les riches dans leur puissance et leur oisiveté. Ils y doivent travailler devant la majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.''
** '''It is the duty of the poor to support and sustain the rich in their power and idleness. In doing so, they have to work before the laws' majestic equality, which forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal loaves of bread.'''
*** ''[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/VII Le Lys Rouge]'' [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 7
* ''Pour accomplir de grandes choses il ne suffit pas d'agir, il faut rêver; il ne suffit pas de calculer, il faut croire.''
** '''To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]]'''.
** Variant: To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
** ''Discours de réception, Séance De L'académie Française'' (introductory speech at a session of the French Academy), 24th December 1896, on [[w:Ferdinand de Lesseps|Ferdinand de Lesseps]]' work on the Suez Canal.
* ''II n'y a que les pauvres gens qui payent comptant. Ce n'est pas par vertu; c'est parce qu'on ne leur fait pas crédit.''
** It is only the [[poor]] who pay cash, and that not from [[virtue]], but because they are refused [[credit]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_premier._Enfance#VI._LES_DEUX_TAILLEURS ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book I, ch. VI: Les deux tailleurs
* ''L'ignorance et l'erreur sont nécessaires à la vie comme le pain et l'eau.''
** [[Ignorance]] and [[error]] are [[necessary]] to [[life]], like bread and [[water]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_deuxi%C3%A8me._Notes_%C3%A9crites_par_Pierre_Noziere_en_marge_de_son_gros_Plutarque. ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book II: Notes écrites par Pierre Nozière en marge de son gros ''[[Plutarch|Plutarque]]''
* ''Ce sont les hommes qui n'aiment pas les femmes qui s'intéressent à la toilette des femmes. Et les hommes qui aiment les femmes ne voient pas seulement comment elles sont habillées.''
** Only [[men]] who are not interested in [[women]] are interested in women's clothes. Men who like women see more than how they dress.
*** ''Histoire contemporaine: L'anneau d'améthyste'' (1899)
* ''Dans tout État policé, la richesse est chose sacrée; dans les démocraties elle est la seule chose sacrée.''
** In every well-governed state, [[wealth]] is a [[sacred]] thing; in [[democracies]] it is the only sacred thing.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/L%27%C3%8Ele_des_Pingouins_-_Livre_VI_:_Les_Temps_modernes#CHAPITRE_II._PYROT ''L'Île des Pingouins''] [Penguin Island] (1908), Book VI: Les Temps Modernes, Ch. II: Pyrot
* ''L'innocence, le plus souvent, est un bonheur et non pas une vertu.''
** '''[[Innocence]] most often is a [[good]] [[fortune]] and not a [[virtue]].'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Les_Dieux_ont_soif_-_Chapitre_XV ''Les Dieux Ont Soif''] [The Gods Are Thirsty] (1912), ch. XV
* ''Nous avons des remèdes pour faire parler les femmes; nous n'en avons pas pour les faire taire.''
** We have medicines to make women speak; we have none to make them keep [[silence]].
*** ''La Comédie de celui qui épousa une femme muette'' [The Man Who Married a Dumb Wife] (1912), Act II, sc. iv
* ''Il ne savait rien, ne voulait rien savoir, en quoi il se conformait à son génie, dont il ne surchargeait point l’aimable petitesse, et son heureux instinct lui conseillait de comprendre peu plutôt que de comprendre mal.''
** He had no [[knowledge]] and had no [[desire]] to acquire any; wherein he conformed to his [[genius]] whose engaging fragility he forbore to overload; his [[instinct]] fortunately telling him that it was better to [[understand]] little than to misunderstand.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_1 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. I
* ''Un conte sans amour est comme du boudin sans moutarde; c’est chose insipide.''
** A tale without [[love]] is like beef without mustard: insipid.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_8 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. VIII
* ''Il est à peu près impossible de constituer systématiquement une morale naturelle. La nature n'a pas de principes. Elle ne nous fournit aucune raison de croire que la vie humaine est respectable. La nature, indifférente, ne fait nulle distinction du bien et du mal.''
** It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural [[moral]] [[law]]. [[Nature]] has no [[principles]]. She furnishes us with no [[reason]] to [[believe]] that [[human]] [[life]] is to be [[respected]]. Nature, in her [[indifference]], makes no distinction between [[good]] and [[evil]].
*** ''La Révolte des Anges'' [The Revolt of the Angels] (1914), ch. XXVII
* ''De toutes les définitions de l'homme, la plus mauvaise me paraît celle qui en fait un animal raisonnable.''
** Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a [[rational]] [[animal]].
*** ''Le Petit Pierre'' (1918), ch. XXXIII
* ''On croit mourir pour la patrie; on meurt pour les industriels.''
** '''You think you are dying for your [[country]]; you [[die]] for the industrialists.'''
*** ''L'Humanité'' (18 July 1922)
* ''Quand une chose a été dite et bien dite, n'ayez aucun scrupule, prenez-la, copiez.''
** '''When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock [Read Books, 2007, <small> {{ISBN|1-406-75172-3}}</small>], p. 56
* ''On devient bon écrivain comme on devient bon menuisier: en rabotant ses phrases.''
** '''You become a [[good]] [[writer]] just as you become a good joiner: by planing down your sentences.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock, p. 85
** Variant translation: You become a good writer just as you become a good carpenter: by planing down your sentences.
* ''Si 50 millions de personnes disent une bêtise, c'est quand même une bêtise.''
** '''If fifty million [[people]] say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.'''
*** As quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?redir_esc=y&hl=es&id=0CcWYwjwyRgC&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=foolish Listening and Speaking : A Guide to Effective Oral Communication]'' (1954) by Ralph G. Nichols and Thomas R. Lewis, p. 74 <!-- Though I have not yet found an earlier source for this, I see little reason to doubt that it originates with France, who is almost universally credited with it, and that it almost certainly precedes Maugham's comment about forty million people of 1901. ~ Kalki 2008·03·31 -->
**** Also misattributed to [[Bertrand Russell]], by [[Laurence J. Peter]], in ''The Peter Prescription : How To Make Things Go Right'' (1976), but he subsequently attributed to France in ''Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time'' (1977).
**** Derived variant: If forty million people say a foolish thing it does not become a wise one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie.
***** [[W. Somerset Maugham]], ''A Writer's Notebook'' (1949), entry for 1901
* A people under the menace of war and of invasion is very easy to govern. It does not claim social reforms, it does not cavil over armaments or military equipment. It pays without haggling, it ruins itself at it, and that is excellent for the syndicates, the financiers, and the heads of industry to whom patriotic terrors open an abundant source of gain.
** {{Cite web |date=1914-01-22 |title=Anatole France on Education. Speech at the Inauguration of the Education Part of the Socialist "Maison de Peuple," at Brussels |author=Translated for "The New Age" by Leonard J. Simons |work=The New Age (Volume 14, Number 12) |pages=363 |url=http://www.modjourn.org/render.php?id=1165338028234375&view=mjp_object |publisher=Modernist Journals Project |accessdate=2017-01-04}}
=== ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1881) ===
[[File:Anatole France par Leroux.jpg|thumb|right| He flattered himself on being a [[man]] without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.]]
: <small> ''Le Crime de Sylvestre Bonnard'' as translated by [[w:Lafcadio Hearn|Lafcadio Hearn]] (1890) - [http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext00/tcosb10.txt Full text of translation at Project Gutenberg]</small>
[[File:Anatole France at work.jpg|thumb|right|Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.]]
[[File:Anatole France 1921.png|thumb|right|It is by [[Action|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].]]
[[File:A. France par Stenlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.]]
* ''Je ne sais pas de lecture plus facile, plus attrayante, plus douce que celle d'un catalogue.''
** I do not know any [[reading]] more easy, more fascinating, more delightful than a catalogue.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les livres d'histoire qui ne mentent pas sont tout fort maussades.''
** All the [[historical]] [[books]] which contain no [[lies]] are extremely tedious.
** ''Variant'': History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les amants qui aiment bien n'écrivent pas leur bonheur.''
** '''Lovers who [[love]] truly do not write down their [[happiness]].'''
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (November 30, 1859)
* ''Savoir n'est rien, imaginer est tout.''
** To [[know]] is [[nothing]] at [[all]]; to [[imagine]] is everything.
*** Pt. II, ch. 2
* ''Il se flattait d'être sans préjugés, et cette prétention était à elle seule un gros préjugé.''
** '''He flattered himself on being a man without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les hommes qui se sont occupés du bonheur des peuples ont rendu leurs proches bien malheureux.''
** Those who have given themselves the most concern about the [[happiness]] of peoples have made their neighbors very [[miserable]].
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'homme est ainsi fait qu'il ne se délasse d'un travail que par un autre.''
** '''Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''J'ai toujours préféré la folie des passions à la sagesse de l'indifférence.''
** I prefer the [[folly]] of [[enthusiasm]] to the [[wisdom]] of [[indifference]].
** ''Variant'': I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the wisdom of indifference.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les gens qui n'eurent point de faiblesses sont terribles; on n'a point de prise sur eux.''
** People who have no [[weaknesses]] are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'art d'enseigner n'est que l'art d'éveiller la curiosité des jeunes âmes pour la satisfaire ensuite.''
** The whole [[art]] of [[teaching]] is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young [[minds]] for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Tous les changements, même les plus souhaités ont leur mélancolie, car ce que nous quittons, c'est une partie de nous-mêmes; il faut mourir à une vie pour entrer dans une autre.''
** '''[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
=== ''The Literary Life'' (1888-1892)===
[[File:Anatole France, par T.A. Steinlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].]]
:<small> ''La Vie Littéraire'' - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/19345 Full text online (French)]</small>
* ''C'est d'actes et non d'idées que vivent les peuples.''
** '''It is by [[actions|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].'''
*** Series I: [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/S%C3%A9r%C3%A9nus ''Sérénus'']
**Variant: '''It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.'''
*** As quoted in ''The Ironic Temper : Anatole France and His Time'' (1932)
* ''On reproche aux gens de parler d’eux-mêmes. C’est pourtant le sujet qu’ils traitent le mieux.''
** We reproach [[people]] for talking about themselves but it is the subject they treat best.
*** Series I: ''À propos du journal [[w:Goncourt brothers|des Goncourt]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/%C3%80_propos_du_%C2%AB_journal_des_Goncourt_%C2%BB]
* ''Les plus beaux mots du monde ne sont que de vains sons, si on ne les comprend pas.''
** '''The finest [[words]] in the [[world]] are only [[vain]] [[sounds]], if you cannot comprehend them.'''
*** Series I : [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Propos_de_rentr%C3%A9e_:_la_terre_et_la_langue ''Propos de rentrée: la terre et la langue'']
* ''Il est bon que le cœur soit naïf et que l’esprit ne le soit pas.''
** It is well for the [[heart]] to be naive and for the [[mind]] not to be.
*** Series II : ''M. [[w:Jules Lemaître|Jules Lemaître]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/M._Jules_Lema%C3%AEtre]
* ''Le bon critique est celui qui raconte les aventures de son âme au milieu des chefs-d'œuvre.''
** The [[good]] [[critic]] is one who tells of his [[mind]]'s adventures among masterpieces.
*** Series II : ''M. Jules Lemaître''
* ''L'ironie, c'est la gaieté de la réflexion et la joie de la sagesse.''
** '''[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].'''
*** Series III: ''[[François Rabelais|Rabelais]]'' [http://www.gutenberg.org/files/19345/19345-8.txt]
=== ''The White Stone'' (1905) ===
[[File:White Stone.jpg|thumb|And to me it seems that you have fallen [[asleep]] upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a [[moment]] while it was [[night]].]]
[[File:The White Stone pg 7.png|thumb| The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.]]
:<small>[[s:The White Stone|''Sur la pierre blanche'' (1905), as translated by Charles E. Roche (1910)]] · [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/49092 online at Project Gutenberg] · [https://archive.org/details/whitestone00fran/page/10/mode/2up online at Internet Archive] </small>
[[File:Edward Armitage - Julian the Apostate presiding at a conference of sectarian - 1875.jpg|thumb|The Emperor [[Julian]]'s [[morals]] were almost those of [[w: Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]]. There is nothing in this but what is [[natural]] and usual.]]
*And to me it seems that you have fallen [[asleep]] upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a [[moment]] while it was [[night]].
** ''[[w: Philopatris| Philopatris]]'', xxi, as translated in the epigraph, p. 8
* '''The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.''' Pay attention to this. The [[spirit]] which favoured the accession in Rome of the god of [[Israel]] was not merely the spirit of the masses, but also that of the [[philosophers]]. At that time, they were nearly all [[Stoics]], and believed in one god alone, one on whose behalf [[Plato]] had laboured and one unconnected by tie of family or friendship with the gods of human form of Greece and Rome. This god, through his infinity, resembled the god of the Jews. [[Seneca]] and [[Epictetus]], who venerated him, would have been the first to have been surprised at the resemblance, had they been called upon to institute a comparison. Nevertheless, they had themselves greatly contributed towards rendering acceptable the austere monotheism of the Judaeo-Christians. Doubtless a wide gulf separated Stoic haughtiness from Christian [[humility]], but Seneca's morals, consequent upon his sadness and his contempt of nature, were paving the way for the Evangelical morals. The Stoics had joined issue with life and the beautiful; this rupture, attributed to [[Christianity]], was initiated by the philosophers. '''A couple of centuries later, in the time of [[Constantine]], both pagans and Christians will have, so to speak, the same morals and philosophy.''' The Emperor [[Julian]], who restored to the Empire its old religion, which had been abolished by Constantine the Apostate, is justly regarded as an opponent of the Galilean. And, when perusing the petty treatises of Julian, one is struck with the number of [[ideas]] this enemy of the Christians held in common with them. He, like them, is a monotheist; with them, he believes in the merits of abstinence, fasting, and mortification of the flesh; with them, he despises carnal pleasures, and considers he will rise in favour with the gods by avoiding women; finally, he pushes Christian sentiment to the degree of rejoicing over his dirty beard and his black finger-nails. '''The Emperor Julian's morals were almost those of [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]].''' There is nothing in this but what is natural and usual. The transformations undergone by morals and ideas are never sudden. '''The greatest changes in social life are wrought imperceptibly, and are only seen from afar.''' Christianity did not secure a foothold until such time as the condition of morals accommodated itself to it, and as Christianity itself had become adjusted to the condition of morals. '''It was unable to substitute itself for paganism until such time as paganism came to resemble it, and itself came to resemble paganism.'''
** Ch. III, p. 135
* '''The great human asset is man himself.''' In order to rate the terrestrial globe, it is necessary to begin by rating men. To exploit the soil, the mines, the waters, all the substances and all the forces of our planet, it needs man, the whole of man; humanity, the whole of humanity. The complete exploitation of the terrestrial globe demands the united labour of white, yellow, and black men. By reducing, diminishing, and weakening, or, to sum it up in one word, by colonising a portion of humanity, we are working against ourselves. It is to our advantage that yellow and black men should be powerful, free, and wealthy. Our prosperity and our wealth depend on theirs. The more is produced, the more will there be consumed. The greater the profit they derive from us, the greater the profit we shall derive from them. If they reap the benefit of our labours, so shall we fully reap theirs. <br /> If we study the movements which govern the destinies of societies, we may perhaps discover signs that the era of violent deeds is coming to an end. War, which was formerly a standing institution among nations, is now intermittent, and the periods of peace have become of longer duration than those of war.
** Ch, IV, p. 175
* '''You seem to have dreamt on the white stone, in the midst of the [[people]] of [[dreams]], since you dreamt so long a dream in the course of so short a night.'''
** Ch. VI, p. 237
* "It is not likely," remarked Joséphin Leclerc, "that the future will be such as you have seen it. I do not wish for the coming of socialism, but I dread it not. Collectivism at the helm would be quite another thing than is imagined. Who was it who said, carrying back his thoughts to the time of Constantine and of the Church's early triumphs : 'Christianity is triumphant, but its triumph is subject to the conditions imposed by life on all political and religious parties. All of them, whatever they may be, undergo so complete a transformation in the struggle that after victory there remains of themselves but the name and a few symbols of the last idea'?"
** Ch. VI, p. 238
* "'''Upon the whole, [[humanity]] changes little. What has been shall be.'''" <br /> "No doubt," replied'Jean Boilly, " man, or that which we call man, changes little. We belong to a definite species. The [[evolution]] of the species is of necessity included in the definition of the species. It is impossible to conceive humanity subsequent to its transformation. A transformed species is a lost species. But what reason is there for us to believe that man is the end of the evolution of life upon the [[earth]]? Why suppose that his birth has exhausted the creative forces of nature, and that the universal mother of the flora and fauna should, after having shaped him, become for ever barren. A natural philosopher, who does not stand in fear of his own ideas, [[H. G. Wells]], has said : 'Man is not final.' No indeed, man is neither the beginning nor the end of terrestrial life. Long before him, all over the globe, animated forces were multiplying in the depths of the sea, in the mud of the strand, in the forests, lakes, prairies, and tree-topped mountains. After him, new forms will go on taking shape. A future race, born perhaps of our own, but having perchance no bond of origin with us, will succeed us in the empire of the planet. These new spirits of the earth will ignore or despise us. The monuments of our arts, should they discover vestiges of them, will have no meaning for them. Rulers of the future, whose mind we can no more divine than the [[w:palaeopithekos|palaeopithekos]] of the [[w:Sivalik Hills|Siwalik Mountains]] was able to forecast the trains of thought of [[Aristotle]], [[Newton]], and [[Henri Poincaré|Poincaré]]."
** Ch. VI, p. 238
=== ''[[w:Penguin Island (novel)|Penguin Island]]'' (1908) ===
:<small>[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1930 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Pompeii - Casa del Frutteto - Fig tree.jpg|thumb|right|You [[worship]] this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of feeling [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty.]]
[[File:Penguin Bay at Drusillas Park.jpg|thumb|right|When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither joy nor sorrow, but an extreme surprise.]]
<!--[[File:Schwimmen-mit-Pinguinen.jpg|thumb|right|It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities.]]
[[File:Emperor penguins.jpg|thumb|right| Thinking that what he saw were [[men]] living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the [[gospel]] to them.]]
[[File:Yellow-eyed Penguins Auckland Islands.jpg |thumb|right|Just as the sun melts the ice of your mountains so Jesus Christ will melt the ice of your hearts.]]-->
* Mael, a scion of a royal family of Cambria, was sent in his ninth year to the Abbey of Yvern so that he might there study both sacred and profane learning. At the age of fourteen he renounced his patrimony and took a vow to serve the Lord. His time was divided, according to the rule, between the singing of hymns, the study of grammar, and the meditation of eternal [[truths]].
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. I: Life Of Saint Mael
* A beautiful fig-tree raised itself in a hollow of the island and thrust forth its branches far and wide. The inhabitants of the island used to [[worship]] it. {{pb}} And the holy Mael said to them: "You worship this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of feeling [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty." And he taught them the [[Gospel]]. And after having instructed them, he baptized them with salt and water.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. II: The Apostolical Vocation Of Saint Mael
* Thinking that what he saw were men living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the gospel to them. {{pb}} Mounted on a lofty stone in the midst of the wild circus: {{pb}} "Inhabitants of this island," said he, "although you be of small stature, you look less like a band of fishermen and mariners than like the senate of a judicious republic. By your gravity, your silence, your tranquil deportment, you form on this wild rock an assembly comparable to the Conscript Fathers at [[Rome]] deliberating in the temple of Victory, or rather, to the philosophers of Athens disputing on the benches of the [[w:Areopagus|Areopagus]]. Doubtless you possess neither their science nor their [[genius]], but perhaps in the sight of God you are their superiors. I believe that you are simple and good. As I went round your island I saw no image of murder, no sign of carnage, no enemies' heads or scalps hung from a lofty pole or nailed to the doors of your villages. You appear to me to have no arts and not to work in metals. But your hearts are pure and your hands are innocent, and the truth will easily enter into your souls." {{pb}} Now what he had taken for men of small stature but of grave bearing were penguins whom the spring had gathered together, and who were ranged in couples on the natural steps of the rock, erect in the majesty of their large white bellies. From moment to moment they moved their winglets like arms, and uttered peaceful cries. They did not fear men, for they did not know them, and had never received any harm from them; and there was in the monk a certain gentleness that reassured the most timid animals and that pleased these penguins extremely.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* Touched by their attention, the holy man taught them the Gospel. {{pb}} "Inhabitants of this island, the earthly day that has just risen over your rocks is the image of the heavenly day that rises in your souls. For I bring you the inner light; I bring you the light and heat of the soul. Just as the sun melts the ice of your mountains so [[Jesus]] Christ will melt the ice of your hearts." {{pb}} Thus the old man spoke. As everywhere throughout nature voice calls to voice, as all which breathes in the light of day loves alternate strains, these penguins answered the old man by the sounds of their throats. And their voices were soft, for it was the season of their loves.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* The holy man, persuaded that they belonged to some idolatrous people and that in their own language they gave adherence to the [[Christian]] faith, invited them to receive baptism. {{pb}} "I think," said he to them, "that you bathe often, for all the hollows of the rocks are full of pure water, and as I came to your assembly I saw several of you plunging into these natural baths. Now purity of body is the image of spiritual purity." {{pb}} And he taught them the origin, the nature, and the effects of baptism. {{pb}} "Baptism," said he to them, "is Adoption, New Birth, Regeneration, Illumination." {{pb}} And he explained each of these points to them in succession. {{pb}} Then, having previously blessed the water that fell from the cascades and recited the [[exorcisms]], he baptized those whom he had just taught, pouring on each of their heads a drop of pure water and pronouncing the sacred words. {{pb}} And thus for three days and three nights he baptized the birds.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* '''When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither joy nor sorrow, but an extreme surprise. The Lord himself was embarrassed. He gathered an assembly of clerics and doctors, and asked them whether they regarded the baptism as valid.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. VI: An Assembly In Paradise
* [[Jealousy]] is a virtue of democracies which preserves them from tyrants.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* For the moment the [[peril]] was nowhere and yet everywhere. The majority remained solid; but the leaders became stiff and exacting.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* A pretext presented itself; some insult needed to be avenged, or some debt to be collected. Six battleships, fourteen cruisers, and eighteen transports sailed up the mouth of the river Hippopotamus. Six hundred canoes vainly opposed the landing of the troops. Admiral Vivier des Murenes' cannons produced an appalling effect upon the blacks, who replied to them with flights of arrows, but in spite of their fanatical courage they were entirely defeated. Popular enthusiasm was kindled by the newspapers which the financiers subsidised, and burst into a blaze. Some [[Socialists]] alone protested against this barbarous, doubtful, and dangerous enterprise. They were at once arrested.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities. Rich and poor, learned and ignorant are turning away from us. And when we try to lead back these misguided souls, neither threats nor promises, neither gentleness nor violence, nor anything else is now successful. The Penguin clergy pine in desolation; our country priests, reduced to following the humblest of trades, are shoeless, and compelled to live upon such scraps as they can pick up. In our ruined churches the rain of heaven falls upon the faithful, and during the holy offices they can hear the noise of stones falling from the arches. The tower of the cathedral is tottering and will soon fall. St. Orberosia is forgotten by the Penguins, her devotion abandoned, and her sanctuary deserted. On her shrine, bereft of its gold and precious stones, the spider silently weaves her web.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* Penguinia gloried in its [[wealth]]. Those who produced the things necessary for life, wanted them; those who did not produce them had more than enough. "But these," as a member of the Institute said, "are necessary economic fatalities." The great Penguin people had no longer either traditions, intellectual culture, or arts. The progress of civilisation manifested itself among them by murderous industry, infamous speculation, and hideous luxury. Its capital assumed, as did all the great cities of the time, a cosmopolitan and financial character. An immense and regular ugliness reigned within it. The country enjoyed perfect [[tranquillity]]. It had reached its zenith.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* Drink! The flies have not spoilt my vintage; the vines were dry before they came.
** Book VIII: Future Times
=== ''[[w:The Revolt of the Angels|The Revolt of the Angels]]'' (1914) ===
[[File:Engel auf dem Friedhof.jpg|thumb|right|Your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to [[victory]].]]
:<small>''La Revolte des Anges'', as translated by Mrs. Wilfrid Jackson - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/32596 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Red-blue sunset.jpg|thumb|right|The sun is about to descend into the roseate waters of the Sacred River. When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this garden, where the joys of the intellect and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the spirit of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]].]]
[[File:Franz von Stuck 003.jpg|thumb|right|The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity.]]
[[File:GuidoReni MichaelDefeatsSatan.jpg|thumb|Archangel Michael, and you, [[Powers]], Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.]]
<!--[[File:Leontocefalo dal Mitreo Fagan (Ostia).jpg|thumb|We have destroyed [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]], our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and Fear. … Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. We were conquered because we failed to understand that Victory is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.]]-->
* '''For the majority of people, though they do not know what to do with this life, long for another that shall have no end.'''
** Ch. XXI
* Zita told him of the black standards assembled in crowds in all the waste places of the globe; of the deliverance premeditated and prepared in the provinces of Heaven, where the first revolt had long ago been fomented. <br> "Prince," she went on, "your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to victory.""[[Friends]]," replied the great archangel, "I was aware of the object of your visit. Baskets of fruit and honeycombs await you under the shade of this mighty tree. '''The [[sun]] is about to descend into the roseate [[waters]] of the [[Sacred]] [[River]].''' When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this [[garden]], where the [[joys]] of the [[intellect]] and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the [[spirit]] of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]]. To-morrow I will give you my answer."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Night hung its blue over the garden. [[Satan]] fell asleep.''' He had a dream, and in that dream, soaring over the earth, he saw it covered with angels in revolt, beautiful as gods whose eyes darted lightning. And from pole to pole one single cry, formed of a myriad cries, mounted towards him, filled with hope and love. And Satan said: <br> "Let us go forth! Let us seek the ancient adversary in his high abode." And he led the countless host of angels over the celestial plains. And Satan was cognizant of what took place in the heavenly citadel. When news of this second revolt came thither, the Father said to the Son:<br> "The irreconcilable foe is rising once again. Let us take heed to ourselves, and in this, our time of danger, look to our defences, lest we lose our high abode." <br> And the Son, consubstantial with the Father, replied: <br> "We shall triumph under the sign that gave Constantine the victory."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity. His countenance, wherein his soul was visible, expressed contempt for danger.''' By his orders, the chiefs of the thunderbolts, the Kerûbs, grown dull with the long interval of peace, paced with heavy steps the ramparts of the Holy Mountain, and, letting the gaze of their bovine eyes wander over the glittering clouds of their Lord, strove to place the divine batteries in position. After inspecting the defences, they swore to the Most High that all was in readiness. They took counsel together as to the plan they should follow. Michael was for the offensive. He, as a consummate soldier, said it was the supreme law. Attack, or be attacked, — there was no middle course. <br> "Moreover," he added, "the offensive attitude is particularly suitable to the ardour of the Thrones and Dominations."<br> '''Beyond that, it was impossible to obtain a word from the valiant chief, and this silence seemed the mark of a genius sure of himself.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Mutterings and murmurs, mingling with the rumours of glory, gave rise to fears of an indecisive battle, a precipitate retreat. Insolent voices gave out that a spirit of the lowest category, a guardian angel, the insignificant Arcade, had checked and routed the dazzling host of the three great archangels.'''<!-- <br> There were also rumours of wholesale defection in the Seventh Heaven, where rebellion had broken out before the beginning of Time, and some had even seen black clouds of impious angels joining the armies of the rebels on Earth. But no one lent an ear to the odious rumours, and stress was laid on the news of victory which ran from lip to lip, each statement readily finding confirmation. The high places resounded with hymns of joy; the Seraphim celebrated on harp and psaltery Sabaoth, God of Thunder. The voices of the elect united with those of the angels in glorifying the Invisible and at the thought of the bloodshed that the ministers of holy wrath had caused among the rebels, sighs of relief and jubilation were wafted from the Heavenly Jerusalem towards the Most High. But the beatitude of the most blessed, having swelled to the utmost limit before due time, could increase no more, and the very excess of their felicity completely dulled their senses. <br> The songs had not yet ceased when the guards watching on the ramparts signalled the approach of the first fugitives of the divine army; Seraphim on tattered wing, flying in disorder, maimed Kerûbs going on three feet. -->
** Ch. XXXV
* '''With impassive gaze, Michael, prince of warriors, measured the extent of the disaster, and his keen intelligence penetrated its causes.''' The armies of the living God had taken the offensive, but by one of those fatalities in war which disconcert the plans of the greatest captains, the enemy had also taken the offensive, and the effect was evident.
** Ch. XXXV
* The garrison laid down their arms before [[Satan]]. [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] placed his flaming sword at the feet of the conquering archangel. <br> "Take back your sword, Michael," said Satan. "It is [[Lucifer]] who yields it to you. Bear it in defence of peace and law." Then letting his gaze fall on the leaders of the celestial cohorts, he cried in a ringing voice: <br> "'''Archangel Michael, and you, Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.'''"<br>"We swear it," they replied with one voice.<br>And Satan said:<br>"'''Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, of all past wars, I wish but to remember the invincible courage that you displayed and the loyalty which you rendered to authority, for these assure me of the steadfastness of the fealty you have just sworn to me.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* The following day, on the ethereal plain, Satan commanded the black standards to be distributed to the troops, and the winged soldiers covered them with kisses and bedewed them with tears. <br> '''And [[Satan]] had himself crowned God.''' Thronging round the glittering walls of Heavenly Jerusalem, apostles, pontiffs, virgins, martyrs, confessors, the whole company of the elect, who during the fierce battle had enjoyed delightful tranquillity, tasted infinite joy in the spectacle of the coronation. <br> '''The elect saw with ravishment the Most High precipitated into [[Hell]], and Satan seated on the throne of the Lord. In conformity with the will of God which had cut them off from sorrow they sang in the ancient fashion the praises of their new Master.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Satan, piercing space with his keen glance, contemplated the little globe of earth and water where of old he had planted the vine and formed the first tragic chorus.''' And he fixed his gaze on that [[Rome]] where the fallen God had founded his empire on fraud and lie. '''Nevertheless, at that moment a saint ruled over the Church.''' Satan saw him praying and weeping. And he said to him: <br> "To thee I entrust my Spouse. Watch over her faithfully. '''In thee I confirm the right and power to decide matters of doctrine, to regulate the use of the sacraments, to make laws and to uphold purity of morals. And the faithful shall be under obligation to conform thereto. My [[Church]] is eternal, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Thou art infallible. Nothing is changed.'''" <br> '''And the successor of the apostles felt flooded with rapture.''' He prostrated himself, and with his forehead touching the floor, replied: <br> "'''O Lord, my God, I recognise Thy voice!''' Thy breath has been wafted like balm to my heart. '''Blessed be Thy [[name]]. Thy will be done on [[Earth]], as it is in Heaven. Lead us not into [[temptation]], but deliver us from evil.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* '''[[Satan]] found pleasure in praise and in the exercise of his grace; he loved to hear his wisdom and his power belauded.''' He listened with joy to the canticles of the cherubim who celebrated his good deeds, and he took no pleasure in listening to Nectaire's flute, because it celebrated nature's self, yielded to the insect and to the blade of grass their share of power and love, and counselled happiness and freedom. '''Satan, whose flesh had crept, in days gone by, at the idea that suffering prevailed in the world, now felt himself inaccessible to pity.''' He regarded suffering and death as the happy results of omnipotence and sovereign kindness. And the savour of the blood of victims rose upward towards him like sweet incense. '''He fell to condemning intelligence and to hating curiosity. He himself refused to learn anything more, for fear that in acquiring fresh knowledge he might let it be seen that he had not known everything at the very outset.''' He took pleasure in mystery, and believing that he would seem less great by being understood, he affected to be unintelligible. Dense fumes of [[Theology]] filled his brain. One day, following the example of his predecessor, he conceived the notion of proclaiming himself one god in three persons. Seeing Arcade smile as this proclamation was made, he drove him from his presence. Istar and Zita had long since returned to earth. Thus centuries passed like seconds. Now, one day, from the altitude of his throne, he plunged his gaze into the depths of the pit and saw [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]] in the [[w:Gehenna|Gehenna]] where he himself had long lain enchained. '''Amid the ever lasting gloom Ialdabaoth still retained his lofty mien. Blackened and shattered, terrible and sublime, he glanced upwards at the palace of the King of Heaven with a look of proud disdain, then turned away his head.''' And the new god, as he looked upon his foe, beheld the light of intelligence and love pass across his sorrow-stricken countenance. And lo! Ialdabaoth was now contemplating the Earth and, seeing it sunk in wickedness and suffering, he began to foster thoughts of kindliness in his heart. On a sudden he rose up, and beating the ether with his mighty arms, as though with oars, he hastened thither to instruct and to console mankind. '''Already his vast shadow shed upon the unhappy planet a shade soft as a night of love.''' <br> '''And Satan awoke bathed in an icy sweat.''' <br> Nectaire, Istar, Arcade, and Zita were standing round him. The finches were singing. <br> "Comrades," said the great archangel, "no — '''we will not conquer the heavens. Enough to have the power. [[War]] engenders war, and victory defeat.''' <br> '''"God, conquered, will become [[Satan]]; Satan, conquering, will become God. May the fates spare me this terrible lot; I love the Hell which formed my genius. I love the Earth where I have done some good, if it be possible to do any good in this fearful world where beings live but by rapine.''' <br> Now, thanks to us, the god of old is dispossessed of his terrestrial empire, and every thinking being on this globe disdains him or knows him not. '''But what matter that men should be no longer submissive to Ialdabaoth if the spirit of Ialdabaoth is still in them; if they, like him, are jealous, violent, quarrelsome, and greedy, and the foes of the arts and of beauty? What matter that they have rejected the ferocious Demiurge, if they do not hearken to the friendly demons who teach all truths; to [[w:Dionysus|Dionysus]], [[w:Apollo|Apollo]], and the [[w:Muse|Muses]]? As to ourselves, celestial spirits, sublime demons, we have destroyed Ialdabaoth, our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and [[Fear]]."''' <br> And Satan, turning to the gardener, said: <br> "Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. '''We were conquered because we failed to understand that [[Victory]] is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* [[Chance]] is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He did not want to sign.
** ''Le hasard, c'est peut-être le pseudonyme de Dieu, quand il ne veut pas signer.'' — [[w:Théophile Gautier|Théophile Gautier]], ''La Croix de Berny'' (1845), letter III: Edgard Meilhan au Prince de Monbert [http://books.google.com/books?id=3TEtAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA29&dq=%22le+pseudonyme+de+Dieu,+quand+il+ne+veut+pas+signer%22&ei=twPuR9TxGYXaygSI-5mYDg]
* Devout believers are safeguarded in a high degree against the risk of certain neurotic illnesses; their acceptance of the universal neurosis spares them the task of constructing a personal one.
** [[Sigmund Freud]], "The Future of an Illusion" (1927), ch. 8, from ''The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud,'' ed. James Strachey and Anna Freud (London, Hogarth Press, 1961), vol. 21, p. 44
* It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that I was no longer a boy. From that moment I began to grow old in my own esteem — and in my esteem age is not estimable.
** [[Lord Byron|George Gordon, Lord Byron]], from ''The Works of Lord Byron'', ed. Rowland E. Prothero (1901), vol. V: Letters and Journals, ch. XXIII: "Detached Thoughts" (15 October 1821 - 18 May 1822), paragraph 72 (p. 445)
* No [[government]] ought to be without censors; and where the press is free, none ever will.
** No government ought to be without censors: & where the press is free, no one ever will.
*** [[Thomas Jefferson]], [http://odur.let.rug.nl/~usa/P/tj3/writings/brf/jefl100.htm letter] to [[George Washington]] (9 September 1792)
* ''De toutes les aberrations sexuelles, la plus singulière est peut-être encore la chasteté.''
** Of all the sexual aberrations, [[chastity]] is the strangest.
*** [[w:Rémy de Gourmont|Remy de Gourmont]], ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel'' (1903), ch. 18: La question des aberrations [http://books.google.com/books?id=32ZJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA233&dq=%22De+toutes+les+aberrations+sexuelles%22&lr=&ei=6TXvR9yOM4zGyATqjfX4Bw].
** Variant: Of all sexual aberrations, perhaps the most curious is chastity.
*** Remy de Gourmont, ''The Natural Philosophy of Love'' (1922), the [[Ezra Pound]] translation of ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel''
* ''Le silence est l'esprit des sots<br>Et l'une des vertus du sage.''
** [[Silence]] is the wit of fools, and one of the virtues of the wise.
*** [[:fr:w:Bernard_de_Bonnard|Bernard de Bonnard]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=9gAvAAAAMAAJ&pg=PR14&dq=%22Et+l%27une+des+vertus+du+sage%22+Bonnard&ei=iyzvR-bFOIa4zASV0PyoBQ#PPA244,M1 "Le Silence,"] ''L'Almanach des Muses'' (1776)
* The [[fool]] doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
** [[William Shakespeare]], [[As You Like It]], Act v, Scene i
* Can any thing in this [[world]] be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth can come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
** [[Jeremy Taylor]], "Apples of Sodom," Part II, Sermon XX of ''Twenty-Five Sermons for the Winter Half-Year, Preached at Golden Grove'' (1653)
** Variant: What can be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth could come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
* You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.
** ''Je ne sais point de plus grande finesse pour parvenir à aimer que d'aimer, comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à parler en parlant, à travailler en travaillant.''
*** [[Francis de Sales]], quoted in ''Vie de saint François de Sales, évèque et prince de Genève'' by André Jean Marie Hamon (Librairie Victor Lecoffre, Paris, 1896), Vol. II, Book VII, Ch. V: Son amour pour Dieu
** Variant of sourced quotation: ''Comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à jouer du luth en jouant, à nager en nageant; aussi apprend-on à aimer Dieu et le prochain en l'aimant.'' — Francis de Sales, quoted in Jean-Pierre Camus, "L'esprit du bienheureux saint François de Sales" (1641), Part I, Section 31; published in ''Oeuvres complètes de saint François de Sales,'' ed. Jean-Irénée Depéry (Berche et Tralin, Paris, 1875), Vol. I
* An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. It's knowing where to go to find out what you need to know, and it's knowing how to use the information once you get it.
** The first two sentences of this statement first appear as attributed to France in the 1990s, but the full statement is earlier attributed to [[William Feather]], as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=Wm0jAQAAMAAJ&q=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&dq=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=qYJOU9dAzoXRAYumgcAP&ved=0CMsCEOgBMDQ ''Telephony'', Vol. 150 (1956), p. 23]
* Life is too short, and Proust is too long.
** Apparently an invention by {{w|Maurice Sachs}}; see discussion in [[Marcel Proust#Quotes_about_Proust|Quotes about Proust]].
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about France ==
[[File:Anatole France cropped.jpg|thumb|As a literary figure he stands [[alone]]; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of [[style]], can he be successfully attached to any special group of [[writers]]. ~ [[Lafcadio Hearn]] ]]
[[File:Anatole-France-mai1923.jpg|thumb|He had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested. ~ [[George Orwell]] ]]
* '''If by Realism we mean [[Truth]], which alone gives value to any study of [[human nature]], we have in Anatole France a very dainty realist''': — if by Romanticism we understand that unconscious tendency of the [[artist]] to elevate truth itself beyond the range of the familiar, and into the emotional realm of aspiration, then Anatole France is at times a romantic. And, nevertheless, '''as a literary figure he stands alone; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of style, can he be successfully attached to any special group of writers.'''
** [[Lafcadio Hearn]], in his introduction to his translation of ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1918)
* '''When Anatole France died, twenty years ago, his reputation suffered one of those sudden slumps to which highbrow writers who have lived long enough to become popular are especially liable.''' In [[France]], according to the charming French custom, vicious personal attacks were made upon him while he lay dying and when he was freshly dead. A particularly venomous one was written by [[w:Pierre Drieu la Rochelle|Pierre Drieu la Rochelle]], afterwards to become a collaborator of the [[Nazis]]. In [[England]], also, it was discovered that Anatole France was no good. A few years later than this a young man attached to a weekly paper (I met him afterwards in Paris and found that he could not buy a tram ticket without assistance) solemnly assured me that Anatole France ‘wrote very bad French’. France was, it seemed, a vulgar, spurious and derivative writer whom everyone could now ‘see through’. Round about the same time, similar discoveries were being made about [[Bernard Shaw]] and [[Lytton Strachey]]: but curiously enough all three writers have remained very readable, while most of their detractors are forgotten. <br /> How far the revulsion against Anatole France was genuinely literary I do not know. Certainly he had been overpraised, and one must at times get tired of a writer so mannered and so indefatigably pornographic. But it is unquestionable that he was attacked partly from political motives. He may or may not have been a great writer, but he was one of the symbolic figures in the politico-literary dogfight which has been raging for a hundred years or more. The clericals and reactionaries hated him in just the same way as they hated [[Zola]]. Anatole France had [[w:Dreyfus affair|championed Dreyfus]], which needed considerable [[courage]], he had debunked [[Joan of Arc]], he had written a comic history of France; above all, he had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. '''He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested.''' … He was willing to work for Socialism, even to deliver lectures on it in draughty halls, and he knew that it was both necessary and inevitable, but it is doubtful whether he subjectively wanted it. '''The world, he once said, would get about as much relief from the coming of Socialism as a sick man gets from turning over in bed.''' In a crisis he was ready to identify himself with the working class, but the thought of a Utopian future depressed him, as can be seen from his book, ''La Pierre Blanche''. … Temperamentally he was not a Socialist but a Radical. At this date that is probably the rarer animal of the two, and it is his Radicalism, his passion for [[liberty]] and intellectual [[honesty]], that give their special colour to the four novels about Monsieur Bergeret.
** [[George Orwell]], in "As I Please" in ''The Tribune'' (23 June 1944), reprinted in ''I Have Tried to Tell the Truth: 1943-1944'' (2001)
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
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* [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/755 Anatole France at Project Gutenberg]
* [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Anatole_France Anatole France at French Wikisource]
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[[Category:Academics from France]]
[[Category:Novelists from France]]
[[Category:Poets from France]]
[[Category:Satirists from France]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Journalists from France]]
[[Category:Socialists from France]]
[[Category:People from Paris]]
[[Category:1844 births]]
[[Category:1924 deaths]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from France]]
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[[File:Anatole France by Benque.jpg|thumb|right|The [[law]], in its majestic equality, forbids the rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.]]
'''[[w:Anatole France|Anatole France]]''' ([[16 April]] [[1844]] – [[12 October]] [[1924]]), born '''Jacques Anatole François Thibault''', was a French poet, journalist, and novelist. [[Ironic]] and [[skeptical]], he was considered in his day the ideal French man of letters. A member of the ''[[w:Académie française|Académie française]]'', he won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize in Literature]] in recognition of his literary achievements. He is widely believed to be the model for the narrator's literary idol "Bergotte" in [[Marcel Proust]]'s ''[[w: In Search of Lost Time|In Search of Lost Time]]''.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Anatole France (1889).jpg|thumb|right| If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.]]
[[File:Anatole France (1891).png|thumb|right|To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]].]]
[[File:Anders Zorn, Anatole France, 1906, NGA 11336.jpg|thumb|[[Innocence]] most often is a good fortune and not a virtue.]]
[[File:Meuse-Argonne, 26 September–1 October 1918.gif|thumb|You think you are dying for your country; you [[die]] for the industrialists.]]
[[File:Anatole France Vanity Fair 11 August 1909.jpg|thumb|right|When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.]]
[[File:Anatole France Sicard (cropped).jpg|thumb|If fifty million people say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.]]
* ''Il est dans la nature humaine de penser sagement et d'agir d'une façon absurde.''
** '''It is [[human nature]] to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Livre_de_Pierre_-_Premi%C3%A8res_conqu%C3%AAtes#II._La_Dame_en_blanc ''Le livre de mon ami''] (1885): Le livre de Pierre, part I, ch. II: La dame en blanc
* ''Il est sage de ne mettre ni crainte, ni espérance dans l’avenir incertain.''
** That man is [[prudent]] who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the [[future]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Procurateur_de_Jud%C3%A9e ''L’Étui de nacre: Le Procurateur de Judée''] [Mother of Pearl: The Procurator of Judea] (1892)
* ''Le christianisme a beaucoup fait pour l’amour en en faisant un péché.''
** [[Christianity]] has done a great deal for [[love]] by making it a [[sin]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Jardin_d%E2%80%99%C3%89picure ''Le Jardin d'Épicure''] [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
** Variant translation: Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
* ''La souffrance! quelle divine méconnu! Nous lui devons tout ce qu'il ya de bon en nous, tout ce qui donne du prix à la vie; nous lui devons la pitié, nous lui devons le courage, nous lui devons toutes les vertus.''
** '''[[Suffering]] — how divine it is, how misunderstood! We owe to it all that is good in us, all that gives value to life; we owe to it pity, we owe to it courage, we owe to it all the virtues.'''
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of [[Epicurus]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> (1894)
* ''En art comme en amour, l'instinct suffit.''
** In [[art]] as in love, [[instinct]] is enough.
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
* ''S’il fallait absolument choisir, j’aimerais mieux faire une chose immorale qu’une chose cruelle.''
** '''If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/I ''Le Lys Rouge''] [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 1
* ''Cela consiste pour les pauvres à soutenir et à conserver les riches dans leur puissance et leur oisiveté. Ils y doivent travailler devant la majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.''
** '''It is the duty of the poor to support and sustain the rich in their power and idleness. In doing so, they have to work before the laws' majestic equality, which forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal loaves of bread.'''
*** ''[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/VII Le Lys Rouge]'' [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 7
* ''Pour accomplir de grandes choses il ne suffit pas d'agir, il faut rêver; il ne suffit pas de calculer, il faut croire.''
** '''To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]]'''.
** Variant: To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
** ''Discours de réception, Séance De L'académie Française'' (introductory speech at a session of the French Academy), 24th December 1896, on [[w:Ferdinand de Lesseps|Ferdinand de Lesseps]]' work on the Suez Canal.
* ''II n'y a que les pauvres gens qui payent comptant. Ce n'est pas par vertu; c'est parce qu'on ne leur fait pas crédit.''
** It is only the [[poor]] who pay cash, and that not from [[virtue]], but because they are refused [[credit]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_premier._Enfance#VI._LES_DEUX_TAILLEURS ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book I, ch. VI: Les deux tailleurs
* ''L'ignorance et l'erreur sont nécessaires à la vie comme le pain et l'eau.''
** [[Ignorance]] and [[error]] are [[necessary]] to [[life]], like bread and [[water]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_deuxi%C3%A8me._Notes_%C3%A9crites_par_Pierre_Noziere_en_marge_de_son_gros_Plutarque. ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book II: Notes écrites par Pierre Nozière en marge de son gros ''[[Plutarch|Plutarque]]''
* ''Ce sont les hommes qui n'aiment pas les femmes qui s'intéressent à la toilette des femmes. Et les hommes qui aiment les femmes ne voient pas seulement comment elles sont habillées.''
** Only [[men]] who are not interested in [[women]] are interested in women's clothes. Men who like women see more than how they dress.
*** ''Histoire contemporaine: L'anneau d'améthyste'' (1899)
* ''Dans tout État policé, la richesse est chose sacrée; dans les démocraties elle est la seule chose sacrée.''
** In every well-governed state, [[wealth]] is a [[sacred]] thing; in [[democracies]] it is the only sacred thing.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/L%27%C3%8Ele_des_Pingouins_-_Livre_VI_:_Les_Temps_modernes#CHAPITRE_II._PYROT ''L'Île des Pingouins''] [Penguin Island] (1908), Book VI: Les Temps Modernes, Ch. II: Pyrot
* ''L'innocence, le plus souvent, est un bonheur et non pas une vertu.''
** '''[[Innocence]] most often is a [[good]] [[fortune]] and not a [[virtue]].'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Les_Dieux_ont_soif_-_Chapitre_XV ''Les Dieux Ont Soif''] [The Gods Are Thirsty] (1912), ch. XV
* ''Nous avons des remèdes pour faire parler les femmes; nous n'en avons pas pour les faire taire.''
** We have medicines to make women speak; we have none to make them keep [[silence]].
*** ''La Comédie de celui qui épousa une femme muette'' [The Man Who Married a Dumb Wife] (1912), Act II, sc. iv
* ''Il ne savait rien, ne voulait rien savoir, en quoi il se conformait à son génie, dont il ne surchargeait point l’aimable petitesse, et son heureux instinct lui conseillait de comprendre peu plutôt que de comprendre mal.''
** He had no [[knowledge]] and had no [[desire]] to acquire any; wherein he conformed to his [[genius]] whose engaging fragility he forbore to overload; his [[instinct]] fortunately telling him that it was better to [[understand]] little than to misunderstand.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_1 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. I
* ''Un conte sans amour est comme du boudin sans moutarde; c’est chose insipide.''
** A tale without [[love]] is like beef without mustard: insipid.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_8 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. VIII
* ''Il est à peu près impossible de constituer systématiquement une morale naturelle. La nature n'a pas de principes. Elle ne nous fournit aucune raison de croire que la vie humaine est respectable. La nature, indifférente, ne fait nulle distinction du bien et du mal.''
** It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural [[moral]] [[law]]. [[Nature]] has no [[principles]]. She furnishes us with no reason to [[believe]] that [[human]] [[life]] is to be [[respected]]. Nature, in her [[indifference]], makes no distinction between [[good]] and [[evil]].
*** ''La Révolte des Anges'' [The Revolt of the Angels] (1914), ch. XXVII
* ''De toutes les définitions de l'homme, la plus mauvaise me paraît celle qui en fait un animal raisonnable.''
** Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a [[rational]] [[animal]].
*** ''Le Petit Pierre'' (1918), ch. XXXIII
* ''On croit mourir pour la patrie; on meurt pour les industriels.''
** '''You think you are dying for your [[country]]; you [[die]] for the industrialists.'''
*** ''L'Humanité'' (18 July 1922)
* ''Quand une chose a été dite et bien dite, n'ayez aucun scrupule, prenez-la, copiez.''
** '''When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock [Read Books, 2007, <small> {{ISBN|1-406-75172-3}}</small>], p. 56
* ''On devient bon écrivain comme on devient bon menuisier: en rabotant ses phrases.''
** '''You become a [[good]] [[writer]] just as you become a good joiner: by planing down your sentences.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock, p. 85
** Variant translation: You become a good writer just as you become a good carpenter: by planing down your sentences.
* ''Si 50 millions de personnes disent une bêtise, c'est quand même une bêtise.''
** '''If fifty million [[people]] say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.'''
*** As quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?redir_esc=y&hl=es&id=0CcWYwjwyRgC&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=foolish Listening and Speaking: A Guide to Effective Oral Communication]'' (1954) by Ralph G. Nichols and Thomas R. Lewis, p. 74 <!-- Though I have not yet found an earlier source for this, I see little reason to doubt that it originates with France, who is almost universally credited with it, and that it almost certainly precedes Maugham's comment about forty million people of 1901. ~ Kalki 2008·03·31 -->
**** Also misattributed to [[Bertrand Russell]], by [[Laurence J. Peter]], in ''The Peter Prescription: How To Make Things Go Right'' (1976), but he subsequently attributed to France in ''Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time'' (1977).
**** Derived variant: If forty million people say a foolish thing it does not become a wise one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie.
***** [[W. Somerset Maugham]], ''A Writer's Notebook'' (1949), entry for 1901
* A people under the menace of war and of invasion is very easy to govern. It does not claim social reforms, it does not cavil over armaments or military equipment. It pays without haggling, it ruins itself at it, and that is excellent for the syndicates, the financiers, and the heads of industry to whom patriotic terrors open an abundant source of gain.
** {{Cite web |date=1914-01-22 |title=Anatole France on Education. Speech at the Inauguration of the Education Part of the Socialist "Maison de Peuple," at Brussels |author=Translated for "The New Age" by Leonard J. Simons |work=The New Age (Volume 14, Number 12) |pages=363 |url=http://www.modjourn.org/render.php?id=1165338028234375&view=mjp_object |publisher=Modernist Journals Project |accessdate=2017-01-04}}
=== ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1881) ===
[[File:Anatole France par Leroux.jpg|thumb|right| He flattered himself on being a [[man]] without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.]]
: <small> ''Le Crime de Sylvestre Bonnard'' as translated by [[w:Lafcadio Hearn|Lafcadio Hearn]] (1890) - [http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext00/tcosb10.txt Full text of translation at Project Gutenberg]</small>
[[File:Anatole France at work.jpg|thumb|right|Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.]]
[[File:Anatole France 1921.png|thumb|right|It is by [[Action|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].]]
[[File:A. France par Stenlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.]]
* ''Je ne sais pas de lecture plus facile, plus attrayante, plus douce que celle d'un catalogue.''
** I do not know any [[reading]] more easy, more fascinating, more delightful than a catalogue.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les livres d'histoire qui ne mentent pas sont tout fort maussades.''
** All the [[historical]] [[books]] which contain no [[lies]] are extremely tedious.
** ''Variant'': History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les amants qui aiment bien n'écrivent pas leur bonheur.''
** '''Lovers who [[love]] truly do not write down their [[happiness]].'''
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (November 30, 1859)
* ''Savoir n'est rien, imaginer est tout.''
** To [[know]] is [[nothing]] at [[all]]; to [[imagine]] is everything.
*** Pt. II, ch. 2
* ''Il se flattait d'être sans préjugés, et cette prétention était à elle seule un gros préjugé.''
** '''He flattered himself on being a man without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les hommes qui se sont occupés du bonheur des peuples ont rendu leurs proches bien malheureux.''
** Those who have given themselves the most concern about the [[happiness]] of peoples have made their neighbors very [[miserable]].
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'homme est ainsi fait qu'il ne se délasse d'un travail que par un autre.''
** '''Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''J'ai toujours préféré la folie des passions à la sagesse de l'indifférence.''
** I prefer the [[folly]] of [[enthusiasm]] to the [[wisdom]] of [[indifference]].
** ''Variant'': I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the wisdom of indifference.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les gens qui n'eurent point de faiblesses sont terribles; on n'a point de prise sur eux.''
** People who have no [[weaknesses]] are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'art d'enseigner n'est que l'art d'éveiller la curiosité des jeunes âmes pour la satisfaire ensuite.''
** The whole [[art]] of [[teaching]] is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young [[minds]] for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Tous les changements, même les plus souhaités ont leur mélancolie, car ce que nous quittons, c'est une partie de nous-mêmes; il faut mourir à une vie pour entrer dans une autre.''
** '''[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
=== ''The Literary Life'' (1888-1892)===
[[File:Anatole France, par T.A. Steinlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].]]
:<small> ''La Vie Littéraire'' - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/19345 Full text online (French)]</small>
* ''C'est d'actes et non d'idées que vivent les peuples.''
** '''It is by [[actions|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].'''
*** Series I: [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/S%C3%A9r%C3%A9nus ''Sérénus'']
**Variant: '''It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.'''
*** As quoted in ''The Ironic Temper: Anatole France and His Time'' (1932)
* ''On reproche aux gens de parler d’eux-mêmes. C’est pourtant le sujet qu’ils traitent le mieux.''
** We reproach [[people]] for talking about themselves but it is the subject they treat best.
*** Series I: ''À propos du journal [[w:Goncourt brothers|des Goncourt]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/%C3%80_propos_du_%C2%AB_journal_des_Goncourt_%C2%BB]
* ''Les plus beaux mots du monde ne sont que de vains sons, si on ne les comprend pas.''
** '''The finest [[words]] in the [[world]] are only [[vain]] [[sounds]], if you cannot comprehend them.'''
*** Series I: [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Propos_de_rentr%C3%A9e_:_la_terre_et_la_langue ''Propos de rentrée: la terre et la langue'']
* ''Il est bon que le cœur soit naïf et que l’esprit ne le soit pas.''
** It is well for the [[heart]] to be naive and for the [[mind]] not to be.
*** Series II: ''M. [[w:Jules Lemaître|Jules Lemaître]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/M._Jules_Lema%C3%AEtre]
* ''Le bon critique est celui qui raconte les aventures de son âme au milieu des chefs-d'œuvre.''
** The [[good]] [[critic]] is one who tells of his [[mind]]'s adventures among masterpieces.
*** Series II: ''M. Jules Lemaître''
* ''L'ironie, c'est la gaieté de la réflexion et la joie de la sagesse.''
** '''[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].'''
*** Series III: ''[[François Rabelais|Rabelais]]'' [http://www.gutenberg.org/files/19345/19345-8.txt]
=== ''The White Stone'' (1905) ===
[[File:White Stone.jpg|thumb|And to me it seems that you have fallen [[asleep]] upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a [[moment]] while it was [[night]].]]
[[File:The White Stone pg 7.png|thumb| The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.]]
:<small>[[s:The White Stone|''Sur la pierre blanche'' (1905), as translated by Charles E. Roche (1910)]] · [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/49092 online at Project Gutenberg] · [https://archive.org/details/whitestone00fran/page/10/mode/2up online at Internet Archive] </small>
[[File:Edward Armitage - Julian the Apostate presiding at a conference of sectarian - 1875.jpg|thumb|The Emperor [[Julian (emperor)|Julian]]'s morals were almost those of [[w: Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]]. There is nothing in this but what is natural and usual.]]
*And to me it seems that you have fallen asleep upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a moment while it was [[night]].
** ''[[w: Philopatris| Philopatris]]'', xxi, as translated in the epigraph, p. 8
* '''The gods conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have reasons for so doing.''' Pay attention to this. The spirit which favoured the accession in Rome of the god of [[Israel]] was not merely the spirit of the masses, but also that of the [[philosophers]]. At that time, they were nearly all [[Stoics]], and believed in one god alone, one on whose behalf [[Plato]] had laboured and one unconnected by tie of family or friendship with the gods of human form of Greece and Rome. This god, through his infinity, resembled the god of the Jews. [[Seneca]] and [[Epictetus]], who venerated him, would have been the first to have been surprised at the resemblance, had they been called upon to institute a comparison. Nevertheless, they had themselves greatly contributed towards rendering acceptable the austere monotheism of the Judaeo-Christians. Doubtless a wide gulf separated Stoic haughtiness from Christian [[humility]], but Seneca's morals, consequent upon his sadness and his contempt of nature, were paving the way for the Evangelical morals. The Stoics had joined issue with life and the beautiful; this rupture, attributed to [[Christianity]], was initiated by the philosophers. '''A couple of centuries later, in the time of [[Constantine]], both pagans and Christians will have, so to speak, the same morals and philosophy.''' The Emperor [[Julian (emperor)|Julian]], who restored to the Empire its old religion, which had been abolished by Constantine the Apostate, is justly regarded as an opponent of the Galilean. And, when perusing the petty treatises of Julian, one is struck with the number of [[ideas]] this enemy of the Christians held in common with them. He, like them, is a monotheist; with them, he believes in the merits of abstinence, fasting, and mortification of the flesh; with them, he despises carnal pleasures, and considers he will rise in favour with the gods by avoiding women; finally, he pushes Christian sentiment to the degree of rejoicing over his dirty beard and his black finger-nails. '''The Emperor Julian's morals were almost those of [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]].''' There is nothing in this but what is natural and usual. The transformations undergone by morals and ideas are never sudden. '''The greatest changes in social life are wrought imperceptibly, and are only seen from afar.''' Christianity did not secure a foothold until such time as the condition of morals accommodated itself to it, and as Christianity itself had become adjusted to the condition of morals. '''It was unable to substitute itself for paganism until such time as paganism came to resemble it, and itself came to resemble paganism.'''
** Ch. III, p. 135
* '''The great human asset is man himself.''' In order to rate the terrestrial globe, it is necessary to begin by rating men. To exploit the soil, the mines, the waters, all the substances and all the forces of our planet, it needs man, the whole of man; humanity, the whole of humanity. The complete exploitation of the terrestrial globe demands the united labour of white, yellow, and black men. By reducing, diminishing, and weakening, or, to sum it up in one word, by colonising a portion of humanity, we are working against ourselves. It is to our advantage that yellow and black men should be powerful, free, and wealthy. Our prosperity and our wealth depend on theirs. The more is produced, the more will there be consumed. The greater the profit they derive from us, the greater the profit we shall derive from them. If they reap the benefit of our labours, so shall we fully reap theirs. <br /> If we study the movements which govern the destinies of societies, we may perhaps discover signs that the era of violent deeds is coming to an end. War, which was formerly a standing institution among nations, is now intermittent, and the periods of peace have become of longer duration than those of war.
** Ch, IV, p. 175
* '''You seem to have dreamt on the white stone, in the midst of the [[people]] of [[dreams]], since you dreamt so long a dream in the course of so short a night.'''
** Ch. VI, p. 237
* "It is not likely," remarked Joséphin Leclerc, "that the future will be such as you have seen it. I do not wish for the coming of socialism, but I dread it not. Collectivism at the helm would be quite another thing than is imagined. Who was it who said, carrying back his thoughts to the time of Constantine and of the Church's early triumphs: 'Christianity is triumphant, but its triumph is subject to the conditions imposed by life on all political and religious parties. All of them, whatever they may be, undergo so complete a transformation in the struggle that after victory there remains of themselves but the name and a few symbols of the last idea'?"
** Ch. VI, p. 238
* "'''Upon the whole, [[humanity]] changes little. What has been shall be.'''" <br /> "No doubt," replied'Jean Boilly, " man, or that which we call man, changes little. We belong to a definite species. The [[evolution]] of the species is of necessity included in the definition of the species. It is impossible to conceive humanity subsequent to its transformation. A transformed species is a lost species. But what reason is there for us to believe that man is the end of the evolution of life upon the [[earth]]? Why suppose that his birth has exhausted the creative forces of nature, and that the universal mother of the flora and fauna should, after having shaped him, become for ever barren. A natural philosopher, who does not stand in fear of his own ideas, [[H. G. Wells]], has said: 'Man is not final.' No indeed, man is neither the beginning nor the end of terrestrial life. Long before him, all over the globe, animated forces were multiplying in the depths of the sea, in the mud of the strand, in the forests, lakes, prairies, and tree-topped mountains. After him, new forms will go on taking shape. A future race, born perhaps of our own, but having perchance no bond of origin with us, will succeed us in the empire of the planet. These new spirits of the earth will ignore or despise us. The monuments of our arts, should they discover vestiges of them, will have no meaning for them. Rulers of the future, whose mind we can no more divine than the [[w:palaeopithekos|palaeopithekos]] of the [[w:Sivalik Hills|Siwalik Mountains]] was able to forecast the trains of thought of [[Aristotle]], [[Newton]], and [[Henri Poincaré|Poincaré]]."
** Ch. VI, p. 238
=== ''[[w:Penguin Island (novel)|Penguin Island]]'' (1908) ===
:<small>[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1930 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Pompeii - Casa del Frutteto - Fig tree.jpg|thumb|right|You [[worship]] this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of feeling [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty.]]
[[File:Penguin Bay at Drusillas Park.jpg|thumb|right|When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither joy nor sorrow, but an extreme surprise.]]
<!--[[File:Schwimmen-mit-Pinguinen.jpg|thumb|right|It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities.]]
[[File:Emperor penguins.jpg|thumb|right| Thinking that what he saw were [[men]] living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the [[gospel]] to them.]]
[[File:Yellow-eyed Penguins Auckland Islands.jpg |thumb|right|Just as the sun melts the ice of your mountains so Jesus Christ will melt the ice of your hearts.]]-->
* Mael, a scion of a royal family of Cambria, was sent in his ninth year to the Abbey of Yvern so that he might there study both sacred and profane learning. At the age of fourteen he renounced his patrimony and took a vow to serve the Lord. His time was divided, according to the rule, between the singing of hymns, the study of grammar, and the meditation of eternal [[truths]].
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. I: Life Of Saint Mael
* A beautiful fig-tree raised itself in a hollow of the island and thrust forth its branches far and wide. The inhabitants of the island used to [[worship]] it. {{pb}} And the holy Mael said to them: "You worship this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of feeling [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty." And he taught them the [[Gospel]]. And after having instructed them, he baptized them with salt and water.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. II: The Apostolical Vocation Of Saint Mael
* Thinking that what he saw were men living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the gospel to them. {{pb}} Mounted on a lofty stone in the midst of the wild circus: {{pb}} "Inhabitants of this island," said he, "although you be of small stature, you look less like a band of fishermen and mariners than like the senate of a judicious republic. By your gravity, your silence, your tranquil deportment, you form on this wild rock an assembly comparable to the Conscript Fathers at [[Rome]] deliberating in the temple of Victory, or rather, to the philosophers of Athens disputing on the benches of the [[w:Areopagus|Areopagus]]. Doubtless you possess neither their science nor their [[genius]], but perhaps in the sight of God you are their superiors. I believe that you are simple and good. As I went round your island I saw no image of murder, no sign of carnage, no enemies' heads or scalps hung from a lofty pole or nailed to the doors of your villages. You appear to me to have no arts and not to work in metals. But your hearts are pure and your hands are innocent, and the truth will easily enter into your souls." {{pb}} Now what he had taken for men of small stature but of grave bearing were penguins whom the spring had gathered together, and who were ranged in couples on the natural steps of the rock, erect in the majesty of their large white bellies. From moment to moment they moved their winglets like arms, and uttered peaceful cries. They did not fear men, for they did not know them, and had never received any harm from them; and there was in the monk a certain gentleness that reassured the most timid animals and that pleased these penguins extremely.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* Touched by their attention, the holy man taught them the Gospel. {{pb}} "Inhabitants of this island, the earthly day that has just risen over your rocks is the image of the heavenly day that rises in your souls. For I bring you the inner light; I bring you the light and heat of the soul. Just as the sun melts the ice of your mountains so [[Jesus]] Christ will melt the ice of your hearts." {{pb}} Thus the old man spoke. As everywhere throughout nature voice calls to voice, as all which breathes in the light of day loves alternate strains, these penguins answered the old man by the sounds of their throats. And their voices were soft, for it was the season of their loves.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* The holy man, persuaded that they belonged to some idolatrous people and that in their own language they gave adherence to the [[Christian]] faith, invited them to receive baptism. {{pb}} "I think," said he to them, "that you bathe often, for all the hollows of the rocks are full of pure water, and as I came to your assembly I saw several of you plunging into these natural baths. Now purity of body is the image of spiritual purity." {{pb}} And he taught them the origin, the nature, and the effects of baptism. {{pb}} "Baptism," said he to them, "is Adoption, New Birth, Regeneration, Illumination." {{pb}} And he explained each of these points to them in succession. {{pb}} Then, having previously blessed the water that fell from the cascades and recited the [[exorcisms]], he baptized those whom he had just taught, pouring on each of their heads a drop of pure water and pronouncing the sacred words. {{pb}} And thus for three days and three nights he baptized the birds.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* '''When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither joy nor sorrow, but an extreme surprise. The Lord himself was embarrassed. He gathered an assembly of clerics and doctors, and asked them whether they regarded the baptism as valid.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. VI: An Assembly In Paradise
* [[Jealousy]] is a virtue of democracies which preserves them from tyrants.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* For the moment the [[peril]] was nowhere and yet everywhere. The majority remained solid; but the leaders became stiff and exacting.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* A pretext presented itself; some insult needed to be avenged, or some debt to be collected. Six battleships, fourteen cruisers, and eighteen transports sailed up the mouth of the river Hippopotamus. Six hundred canoes vainly opposed the landing of the troops. Admiral Vivier des Murenes' cannons produced an appalling effect upon the blacks, who replied to them with flights of arrows, but in spite of their fanatical courage they were entirely defeated. Popular enthusiasm was kindled by the newspapers which the financiers subsidised, and burst into a blaze. Some [[Socialists]] alone protested against this barbarous, doubtful, and dangerous enterprise. They were at once arrested.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities. Rich and poor, learned and ignorant are turning away from us. And when we try to lead back these misguided souls, neither threats nor promises, neither gentleness nor violence, nor anything else is now successful. The Penguin clergy pine in desolation; our country priests, reduced to following the humblest of trades, are shoeless, and compelled to live upon such scraps as they can pick up. In our ruined churches the rain of heaven falls upon the faithful, and during the holy offices they can hear the noise of stones falling from the arches. The tower of the cathedral is tottering and will soon fall. St. Orberosia is forgotten by the Penguins, her devotion abandoned, and her sanctuary deserted. On her shrine, bereft of its gold and precious stones, the spider silently weaves her web.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* Penguinia gloried in its [[wealth]]. Those who produced the things necessary for life, wanted them; those who did not produce them had more than enough. "But these," as a member of the Institute said, "are necessary economic fatalities." The great Penguin people had no longer either traditions, intellectual culture, or arts. The progress of civilisation manifested itself among them by murderous industry, infamous speculation, and hideous luxury. Its capital assumed, as did all the great cities of the time, a cosmopolitan and financial character. An immense and regular ugliness reigned within it. The country enjoyed perfect [[tranquillity]]. It had reached its zenith.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* Drink! The flies have not spoilt my vintage; the vines were dry before they came.
** Book VIII: Future Times
=== ''[[w:The Revolt of the Angels|The Revolt of the Angels]]'' (1914) ===
[[File:Engel auf dem Friedhof.jpg|thumb|right|Your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to [[victory]].]]
:<small>''La Revolte des Anges'', as translated by Mrs. Wilfrid Jackson - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/32596 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Red-blue sunset.jpg|thumb|right|The sun is about to descend into the roseate waters of the Sacred River. When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this garden, where the joys of the intellect and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the spirit of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]].]]
[[File:Franz von Stuck 003.jpg|thumb|right|The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity.]]
[[File:GuidoReni MichaelDefeatsSatan.jpg|thumb|Archangel Michael, and you, [[Powers]], Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.]]
<!--[[File:Leontocefalo dal Mitreo Fagan (Ostia).jpg|thumb|We have destroyed [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]], our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and Fear. … Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. We were conquered because we failed to understand that Victory is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.]]-->
* '''For the majority of people, though they do not know what to do with this life, long for another that shall have no end.'''
** Ch. XXI
* Zita told him of the black standards assembled in crowds in all the waste places of the globe; of the deliverance premeditated and prepared in the provinces of Heaven, where the first revolt had long ago been fomented. <br> "Prince," she went on, "your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to victory.""[[Friends]]," replied the great archangel, "I was aware of the object of your visit. Baskets of fruit and honeycombs await you under the shade of this mighty tree. '''The [[sun]] is about to descend into the roseate [[waters]] of the [[Sacred]] [[River]].''' When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this [[garden]], where the [[joys]] of the [[intellect]] and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the [[spirit]] of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]]. To-morrow I will give you my answer."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Night hung its blue over the garden. [[Satan]] fell asleep.''' He had a dream, and in that dream, soaring over the earth, he saw it covered with angels in revolt, beautiful as gods whose eyes darted lightning. And from pole to pole one single cry, formed of a myriad cries, mounted towards him, filled with hope and love. And Satan said: <br> "Let us go forth! Let us seek the ancient adversary in his high abode." And he led the countless host of angels over the celestial plains. And Satan was cognizant of what took place in the heavenly citadel. When news of this second revolt came thither, the Father said to the Son:<br> "The irreconcilable foe is rising once again. Let us take heed to ourselves, and in this, our time of danger, look to our defences, lest we lose our high abode." <br> And the Son, consubstantial with the Father, replied: <br> "We shall triumph under the sign that gave Constantine the victory."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity. His countenance, wherein his soul was visible, expressed contempt for danger.''' By his orders, the chiefs of the thunderbolts, the Kerûbs, grown dull with the long interval of peace, paced with heavy steps the ramparts of the Holy Mountain, and, letting the gaze of their bovine eyes wander over the glittering clouds of their Lord, strove to place the divine batteries in position. After inspecting the defences, they swore to the Most High that all was in readiness. They took counsel together as to the plan they should follow. Michael was for the offensive. He, as a consummate soldier, said it was the supreme law. Attack, or be attacked, — there was no middle course. <br> "Moreover," he added, "the offensive attitude is particularly suitable to the ardour of the Thrones and Dominations."<br> '''Beyond that, it was impossible to obtain a word from the valiant chief, and this silence seemed the mark of a genius sure of himself.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Mutterings and murmurs, mingling with the rumours of glory, gave rise to fears of an indecisive battle, a precipitate retreat. Insolent voices gave out that a spirit of the lowest category, a guardian angel, the insignificant Arcade, had checked and routed the dazzling host of the three great archangels.'''<!-- <br> There were also rumours of wholesale defection in the Seventh Heaven, where rebellion had broken out before the beginning of Time, and some had even seen black clouds of impious angels joining the armies of the rebels on Earth. But no one lent an ear to the odious rumours, and stress was laid on the news of victory which ran from lip to lip, each statement readily finding confirmation. The high places resounded with hymns of joy; the Seraphim celebrated on harp and psaltery Sabaoth, God of Thunder. The voices of the elect united with those of the angels in glorifying the Invisible and at the thought of the bloodshed that the ministers of holy wrath had caused among the rebels, sighs of relief and jubilation were wafted from the Heavenly Jerusalem towards the Most High. But the beatitude of the most blessed, having swelled to the utmost limit before due time, could increase no more, and the very excess of their felicity completely dulled their senses. <br> The songs had not yet ceased when the guards watching on the ramparts signalled the approach of the first fugitives of the divine army; Seraphim on tattered wing, flying in disorder, maimed Kerûbs going on three feet. -->
** Ch. XXXV
* '''With impassive gaze, Michael, prince of warriors, measured the extent of the disaster, and his keen intelligence penetrated its causes.''' The armies of the living God had taken the offensive, but by one of those fatalities in war which disconcert the plans of the greatest captains, the enemy had also taken the offensive, and the effect was evident.
** Ch. XXXV
* The garrison laid down their arms before [[Satan]]. [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] placed his flaming sword at the feet of the conquering archangel. <br> "Take back your sword, Michael," said Satan. "It is [[Lucifer]] who yields it to you. Bear it in defence of peace and law." Then letting his gaze fall on the leaders of the celestial cohorts, he cried in a ringing voice: <br> "'''Archangel Michael, and you, Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.'''"<br>"We swear it," they replied with one voice.<br>And Satan said:<br>"'''Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, of all past wars, I wish but to remember the invincible courage that you displayed and the loyalty which you rendered to authority, for these assure me of the steadfastness of the fealty you have just sworn to me.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* The following day, on the ethereal plain, Satan commanded the black standards to be distributed to the troops, and the winged soldiers covered them with kisses and bedewed them with tears. <br> '''And [[Satan]] had himself crowned God.''' Thronging round the glittering walls of Heavenly Jerusalem, apostles, pontiffs, virgins, martyrs, confessors, the whole company of the elect, who during the fierce battle had enjoyed delightful tranquillity, tasted infinite joy in the spectacle of the coronation. <br> '''The elect saw with ravishment the Most High precipitated into [[Hell]], and Satan seated on the throne of the Lord. In conformity with the will of God which had cut them off from sorrow they sang in the ancient fashion the praises of their new Master.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Satan, piercing space with his keen glance, contemplated the little globe of earth and water where of old he had planted the vine and formed the first tragic chorus.''' And he fixed his gaze on that [[Rome]] where the fallen God had founded his empire on fraud and lie. '''Nevertheless, at that moment a saint ruled over the Church.''' Satan saw him praying and weeping. And he said to him: <br> "To thee I entrust my Spouse. Watch over her faithfully. '''In thee I confirm the right and power to decide matters of doctrine, to regulate the use of the sacraments, to make laws and to uphold purity of morals. And the faithful shall be under obligation to conform thereto. My [[Church]] is eternal, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Thou art infallible. Nothing is changed.'''" <br> '''And the successor of the apostles felt flooded with rapture.''' He prostrated himself, and with his forehead touching the floor, replied: <br> "'''O Lord, my God, I recognise Thy voice!''' Thy breath has been wafted like balm to my heart. '''Blessed be Thy [[name]]. Thy will be done on [[Earth]], as it is in Heaven. Lead us not into [[temptation]], but deliver us from evil.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* '''[[Satan]] found pleasure in praise and in the exercise of his grace; he loved to hear his wisdom and his power belauded.''' He listened with joy to the canticles of the cherubim who celebrated his good deeds, and he took no pleasure in listening to Nectaire's flute, because it celebrated nature's self, yielded to the insect and to the blade of grass their share of power and love, and counselled happiness and freedom. '''Satan, whose flesh had crept, in days gone by, at the idea that suffering prevailed in the world, now felt himself inaccessible to pity.''' He regarded suffering and death as the happy results of omnipotence and sovereign kindness. And the savour of the blood of victims rose upward towards him like sweet incense. '''He fell to condemning intelligence and to hating curiosity. He himself refused to learn anything more, for fear that in acquiring fresh knowledge he might let it be seen that he had not known everything at the very outset.''' He took pleasure in mystery, and believing that he would seem less great by being understood, he affected to be unintelligible. Dense fumes of [[Theology]] filled his brain. One day, following the example of his predecessor, he conceived the notion of proclaiming himself one god in three persons. Seeing Arcade smile as this proclamation was made, he drove him from his presence. Istar and Zita had long since returned to earth. Thus centuries passed like seconds. Now, one day, from the altitude of his throne, he plunged his gaze into the depths of the pit and saw [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]] in the [[w:Gehenna|Gehenna]] where he himself had long lain enchained. '''Amid the ever lasting gloom Ialdabaoth still retained his lofty mien. Blackened and shattered, terrible and sublime, he glanced upwards at the palace of the King of Heaven with a look of proud disdain, then turned away his head.''' And the new god, as he looked upon his foe, beheld the light of intelligence and love pass across his sorrow-stricken countenance. And lo! Ialdabaoth was now contemplating the Earth and, seeing it sunk in wickedness and suffering, he began to foster thoughts of kindliness in his heart. On a sudden he rose up, and beating the ether with his mighty arms, as though with oars, he hastened thither to instruct and to console mankind. '''Already his vast shadow shed upon the unhappy planet a shade soft as a night of love.''' <br> '''And Satan awoke bathed in an icy sweat.''' <br> Nectaire, Istar, Arcade, and Zita were standing round him. The finches were singing. <br> "Comrades," said the great archangel, "no — '''we will not conquer the heavens. Enough to have the power. [[War]] engenders war, and victory defeat.''' <br> '''"God, conquered, will become [[Satan]]; Satan, conquering, will become God. May the fates spare me this terrible lot; I love the Hell which formed my genius. I love the Earth where I have done some good, if it be possible to do any good in this fearful world where beings live but by rapine.''' <br> Now, thanks to us, the god of old is dispossessed of his terrestrial empire, and every thinking being on this globe disdains him or knows him not. '''But what matter that men should be no longer submissive to Ialdabaoth if the spirit of Ialdabaoth is still in them; if they, like him, are jealous, violent, quarrelsome, and greedy, and the foes of the arts and of beauty? What matter that they have rejected the ferocious Demiurge, if they do not hearken to the friendly demons who teach all truths; to [[w:Dionysus|Dionysus]], [[w:Apollo|Apollo]], and the [[w:Muse|Muses]]? As to ourselves, celestial spirits, sublime demons, we have destroyed Ialdabaoth, our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and [[Fear]]."''' <br> And Satan, turning to the gardener, said: <br> "Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. '''We were conquered because we failed to understand that [[Victory]] is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* [[Chance]] is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He did not want to sign.
** ''Le hasard, c'est peut-être le pseudonyme de Dieu, quand il ne veut pas signer.'' — [[w:Théophile Gautier|Théophile Gautier]], ''La Croix de Berny'' (1845), letter III: Edgard Meilhan au Prince de Monbert [http://books.google.com/books?id=3TEtAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA29&dq=%22le+pseudonyme+de+Dieu,+quand+il+ne+veut+pas+signer%22&ei=twPuR9TxGYXaygSI-5mYDg]
* Devout believers are safeguarded in a high degree against the risk of certain neurotic illnesses; their acceptance of the universal neurosis spares them the task of constructing a personal one.
** [[Sigmund Freud]], "The Future of an Illusion" (1927), ch. 8, from ''The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud,'' ed. James Strachey and Anna Freud (London, Hogarth Press, 1961), vol. 21, p. 44
* It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that I was no longer a boy. From that moment I began to grow old in my own esteem — and in my esteem age is not estimable.
** [[Lord Byron|George Gordon, Lord Byron]], from ''The Works of Lord Byron'', ed. Rowland E. Prothero (1901), vol. V: Letters and Journals, ch. XXIII: "Detached Thoughts" (15 October 1821 - 18 May 1822), paragraph 72 (p. 445)
* No [[government]] ought to be without censors; and where the press is free, none ever will.
** No government ought to be without censors: & where the press is free, no one ever will.
*** [[Thomas Jefferson]], [http://odur.let.rug.nl/~usa/P/tj3/writings/brf/jefl100.htm letter] to [[George Washington]] (9 September 1792)
* ''De toutes les aberrations sexuelles, la plus singulière est peut-être encore la chasteté.''
** Of all the sexual aberrations, [[chastity]] is the strangest.
*** [[w:Rémy de Gourmont|Remy de Gourmont]], ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel'' (1903), ch. 18: La question des aberrations [http://books.google.com/books?id=32ZJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA233&dq=%22De+toutes+les+aberrations+sexuelles%22&lr=&ei=6TXvR9yOM4zGyATqjfX4Bw].
** Variant: Of all sexual aberrations, perhaps the most curious is chastity.
*** Remy de Gourmont, ''The Natural Philosophy of Love'' (1922), the [[Ezra Pound]] translation of ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel''
* ''Le silence est l'esprit des sots<br>Et l'une des vertus du sage.''
** [[Silence]] is the wit of fools, and one of the virtues of the wise.
*** [[:fr:w:Bernard_de_Bonnard|Bernard de Bonnard]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=9gAvAAAAMAAJ&pg=PR14&dq=%22Et+l%27une+des+vertus+du+sage%22+Bonnard&ei=iyzvR-bFOIa4zASV0PyoBQ#PPA244,M1 "Le Silence,"] ''L'Almanach des Muses'' (1776)
* The [[fool]] doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
** [[William Shakespeare]], [[As You Like It]], Act v, Scene i
* Can any thing in this [[world]] be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth can come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
** [[Jeremy Taylor]], "Apples of Sodom," Part II, Sermon XX of ''Twenty-Five Sermons for the Winter Half-Year, Preached at Golden Grove'' (1653)
** Variant: What can be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth could come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
* You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.
** ''Je ne sais point de plus grande finesse pour parvenir à aimer que d'aimer, comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à parler en parlant, à travailler en travaillant.''
*** [[Francis de Sales]], quoted in ''Vie de saint François de Sales, évèque et prince de Genève'' by André Jean Marie Hamon (Librairie Victor Lecoffre, Paris, 1896), Vol. II, Book VII, Ch. V: Son amour pour Dieu
** Variant of sourced quotation: ''Comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à jouer du luth en jouant, à nager en nageant; aussi apprend-on à aimer Dieu et le prochain en l'aimant.'' — Francis de Sales, quoted in Jean-Pierre Camus, "L'esprit du bienheureux saint François de Sales" (1641), Part I, Section 31; published in ''Oeuvres complètes de saint François de Sales,'' ed. Jean-Irénée Depéry (Berche et Tralin, Paris, 1875), Vol. I
* An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. It's knowing where to go to find out what you need to know, and it's knowing how to use the information once you get it.
** The first two sentences of this statement first appear as attributed to France in the 1990s, but the full statement is earlier attributed to [[William Feather]], as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=Wm0jAQAAMAAJ&q=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&dq=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=qYJOU9dAzoXRAYumgcAP&ved=0CMsCEOgBMDQ ''Telephony'', Vol. 150 (1956), p. 23]
* Life is too short, and Proust is too long.
** Apparently an invention by {{w|Maurice Sachs}}; see discussion in [[Marcel Proust#Quotes_about_Proust|Quotes about Proust]].
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about France ==
[[File:Anatole France cropped.jpg|thumb|As a literary figure he stands [[alone]]; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of [[style]], can he be successfully attached to any special group of [[writers]]. ~ [[Lafcadio Hearn]] ]]
[[File:Anatole-France-mai1923.jpg|thumb|He had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested. ~ [[George Orwell]] ]]
* '''If by Realism we mean [[Truth]], which alone gives value to any study of [[human nature]], we have in Anatole France a very dainty realist''': — if by Romanticism we understand that unconscious tendency of the [[artist]] to elevate truth itself beyond the range of the familiar, and into the emotional realm of aspiration, then Anatole France is at times a romantic. And, nevertheless, '''as a literary figure he stands alone; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of style, can he be successfully attached to any special group of writers.'''
** [[Lafcadio Hearn]], in his introduction to his translation of ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1918)
* '''When Anatole France died, twenty years ago, his reputation suffered one of those sudden slumps to which highbrow writers who have lived long enough to become popular are especially liable.''' In [[France]], according to the charming French custom, vicious personal attacks were made upon him while he lay dying and when he was freshly dead. A particularly venomous one was written by [[w:Pierre Drieu la Rochelle|Pierre Drieu la Rochelle]], afterwards to become a collaborator of the [[Nazis]]. In [[England]], also, it was discovered that Anatole France was no good. A few years later than this a young man attached to a weekly paper (I met him afterwards in Paris and found that he could not buy a tram ticket without assistance) solemnly assured me that Anatole France ‘wrote very bad French’. France was, it seemed, a vulgar, spurious and derivative writer whom everyone could now ‘see through’. Round about the same time, similar discoveries were being made about [[Bernard Shaw]] and [[Lytton Strachey]]: but curiously enough all three writers have remained very readable, while most of their detractors are forgotten. <br /> How far the revulsion against Anatole France was genuinely literary I do not know. Certainly he had been overpraised, and one must at times get tired of a writer so mannered and so indefatigably pornographic. But it is unquestionable that he was attacked partly from political motives. He may or may not have been a great writer, but he was one of the symbolic figures in the politico-literary dogfight which has been raging for a hundred years or more. The clericals and reactionaries hated him in just the same way as they hated [[Zola]]. Anatole France had [[w:Dreyfus affair|championed Dreyfus]], which needed considerable [[courage]], he had debunked [[Joan of Arc]], he had written a comic history of France; above all, he had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. '''He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested.''' … He was willing to work for Socialism, even to deliver lectures on it in draughty halls, and he knew that it was both necessary and inevitable, but it is doubtful whether he subjectively wanted it. '''The world, he once said, would get about as much relief from the coming of Socialism as a sick man gets from turning over in bed.''' In a crisis he was ready to identify himself with the working class, but the thought of a Utopian future depressed him, as can be seen from his book, ''La Pierre Blanche''. … Temperamentally he was not a Socialist but a Radical. At this date that is probably the rarer animal of the two, and it is his Radicalism, his passion for [[liberty]] and intellectual [[honesty]], that give their special colour to the four novels about Monsieur Bergeret.
** [[George Orwell]], in "As I Please" in ''The Tribune'' (23 June 1944), reprinted in ''I Have Tried to Tell the Truth: 1943-1944'' (2001)
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
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*{{commonscat-inline}}
* [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/755 Anatole France at Project Gutenberg]
* [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Anatole_France Anatole France at French Wikisource]
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[[Category:Academics from France]]
[[Category:Novelists from France]]
[[Category:Poets from France]]
[[Category:Satirists from France]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Journalists from France]]
[[Category:Socialists from France]]
[[Category:People from Paris]]
[[Category:1844 births]]
[[Category:1924 deaths]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from France]]
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[[File:Anatole France by Benque.jpg|thumb|right|The [[law]], in its majestic equality, forbids the rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.]]
'''[[w:Anatole France|Anatole France]]''' ([[16 April]] [[1844]] – [[12 October]] [[1924]]), born '''Jacques Anatole François Thibault''', was a French poet, journalist, and novelist. [[Ironic]] and [[skeptical]], he was considered in his day the ideal French man of letters. A member of the ''[[w:Académie française|Académie française]]'', he won the 1921 [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize in Literature]] in recognition of his literary achievements. He is widely believed to be the model for the narrator's literary idol "Bergotte" in [[Marcel Proust]]'s ''[[w: In Search of Lost Time|In Search of Lost Time]]''.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Anatole France (1889).jpg|thumb|right| If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.]]
[[File:Anatole France (1891).png|thumb|right|To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]].]]
[[File:Anders Zorn, Anatole France, 1906, NGA 11336.jpg|thumb|[[Innocence]] most often is a good fortune and not a virtue.]]
[[File:Meuse-Argonne, 26 September–1 October 1918.gif|thumb|You think you are dying for your country; you [[die]] for the industrialists.]]
[[File:Anatole France Vanity Fair 11 August 1909.jpg|thumb|right|When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.]]
[[File:Anatole France Sicard (cropped).jpg|thumb|If fifty million people say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.]]
* ''Il est dans la nature humaine de penser sagement et d'agir d'une façon absurde.''
** '''It is [[human nature]] to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Livre_de_Pierre_-_Premi%C3%A8res_conqu%C3%AAtes#II._La_Dame_en_blanc ''Le livre de mon ami''] (1885): Le livre de Pierre, part I, ch. II: La dame en blanc
* ''Il est sage de ne mettre ni crainte, ni espérance dans l’avenir incertain.''
** That man is [[prudent]] who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the [[future]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Procurateur_de_Jud%C3%A9e ''L’Étui de nacre: Le Procurateur de Judée''] [Mother of Pearl: The Procurator of Judea] (1892)
* ''Le christianisme a beaucoup fait pour l’amour en en faisant un péché.''
** [[Christianity]] has done a great deal for [[love]] by making it a [[sin]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Jardin_d%E2%80%99%C3%89picure ''Le Jardin d'Épicure''] [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
** Variant translation: Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
* ''La souffrance! quelle divine méconnu! Nous lui devons tout ce qu'il ya de bon en nous, tout ce qui donne du prix à la vie; nous lui devons la pitié, nous lui devons le courage, nous lui devons toutes les vertus.''
** '''[[Suffering]] — how divine it is, how misunderstood! We owe to it all that is good in us, all that gives value to life; we owe to it pity, we owe to it courage, we owe to it all the virtues.'''
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of [[Epicurus]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> (1894)
* ''En art comme en amour, l'instinct suffit.''
** In [[art]] as in love, [[instinct]] is enough.
*** ''Le Jardin d'Épicure'' [The Garden of Epicurus] (1894)
* ''S’il fallait absolument choisir, j’aimerais mieux faire une chose immorale qu’une chose cruelle.''
** '''If it were absolutely necessary to choose, I would rather be guilty of an immoral act than of a [[cruel]] one.'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/I ''Le Lys Rouge''] [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 1
* ''Cela consiste pour les pauvres à soutenir et à conserver les riches dans leur puissance et leur oisiveté. Ils y doivent travailler devant la majestueuse égalité des lois, qui interdit au riche comme au pauvre de coucher sous les ponts, de mendier dans les rues et de voler du pain.''
** '''It is the duty of the poor to support and sustain the rich in their power and idleness. In doing so, they have to work before the laws' majestic equality, which forbids rich and poor alike to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal loaves of bread.'''
*** ''[http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Le_Lys_rouge/VII Le Lys Rouge]'' [The Red Lily] (1894), ch. 7
* ''Pour accomplir de grandes choses il ne suffit pas d'agir, il faut rêver; il ne suffit pas de calculer, il faut croire.''
** '''To accomplish [[great]] things we must not only act, but also [[dream]]; not only plan, but also [[believe]]'''.
** Variant: To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act.
** ''Discours de réception, Séance De L'académie Française'' (introductory speech at a session of the French Academy), 24th December 1896, on [[w:Ferdinand de Lesseps|Ferdinand de Lesseps]]' work on the Suez Canal.
* ''II n'y a que les pauvres gens qui payent comptant. Ce n'est pas par vertu; c'est parce qu'on ne leur fait pas crédit.''
** It is only the [[poor]] who pay cash, and that not from [[virtue]], but because they are refused [[credit]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_premier._Enfance#VI._LES_DEUX_TAILLEURS ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book I, ch. VI: Les deux tailleurs
* ''L'ignorance et l'erreur sont nécessaires à la vie comme le pain et l'eau.''
** [[Ignorance]] and [[error]] are [[necessary]] to [[life]], like bread and [[water]].
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Pierre_Nozi%C3%A8re_-_Livre_deuxi%C3%A8me._Notes_%C3%A9crites_par_Pierre_Noziere_en_marge_de_son_gros_Plutarque. ''Pierre Nozière''] (1899), book II: Notes écrites par Pierre Nozière en marge de son gros ''[[Plutarch|Plutarque]]''
* ''Ce sont les hommes qui n'aiment pas les femmes qui s'intéressent à la toilette des femmes. Et les hommes qui aiment les femmes ne voient pas seulement comment elles sont habillées.''
** Only [[men]] who are not interested in [[women]] are interested in women's clothes. Men who like women see more than how they dress.
*** ''Histoire contemporaine: L'anneau d'améthyste'' (1899)
* ''Dans tout État policé, la richesse est chose sacrée; dans les démocraties elle est la seule chose sacrée.''
** In every well-governed state, [[wealth]] is a [[sacred]] thing; in [[democracies]] it is the only sacred thing.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/L%27%C3%8Ele_des_Pingouins_-_Livre_VI_:_Les_Temps_modernes#CHAPITRE_II._PYROT ''L'Île des Pingouins''] [Penguin Island] (1908), Book VI: Les Temps Modernes, Ch. II: Pyrot
* ''L'innocence, le plus souvent, est un bonheur et non pas une vertu.''
** '''[[Innocence]] most often is a [[good]] [[fortune]] and not a [[virtue]].'''
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Les_Dieux_ont_soif_-_Chapitre_XV ''Les Dieux Ont Soif''] [The Gods Are Thirsty] (1912), ch. XV
* ''Nous avons des remèdes pour faire parler les femmes; nous n'en avons pas pour les faire taire.''
** We have medicines to make women speak; we have none to make them keep [[silence]].
*** ''La Comédie de celui qui épousa une femme muette'' [The Man Who Married a Dumb Wife] (1912), Act II, sc. iv
* ''Il ne savait rien, ne voulait rien savoir, en quoi il se conformait à son génie, dont il ne surchargeait point l’aimable petitesse, et son heureux instinct lui conseillait de comprendre peu plutôt que de comprendre mal.''
** He had no [[knowledge]] and had no [[desire]] to acquire any; wherein he conformed to his [[genius]] whose engaging fragility he forbore to overload; his [[instinct]] fortunately telling him that it was better to [[understand]] little than to misunderstand.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_1 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. I
* ''Un conte sans amour est comme du boudin sans moutarde; c’est chose insipide.''
** A tale without [[love]] is like beef without mustard: insipid.
*** [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/La_R%C3%A9volte_des_anges_-_8 ''La Révolte des Anges''] [The Revolt of the Angels], (1914), ch. VIII
* ''Il est à peu près impossible de constituer systématiquement une morale naturelle. La nature n'a pas de principes. Elle ne nous fournit aucune raison de croire que la vie humaine est respectable. La nature, indifférente, ne fait nulle distinction du bien et du mal.''
** It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural [[moral]] [[law]]. [[Nature]] has no [[principles]]. She furnishes us with no reason to [[believe]] that [[human]] [[life]] is to be [[respected]]. Nature, in her [[indifference]], makes no distinction between [[good]] and [[evil]].
*** ''La Révolte des Anges'' [The Revolt of the Angels] (1914), ch. XXVII
* ''De toutes les définitions de l'homme, la plus mauvaise me paraît celle qui en fait un animal raisonnable.''
** Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a [[rational]] [[animal]].
*** ''Le Petit Pierre'' (1918), ch. XXXIII
* ''On croit mourir pour la patrie; on meurt pour les industriels.''
** '''You think you are dying for your [[country]]; you [[die]] for the industrialists.'''
*** ''L'Humanité'' (18 July 1922)
* ''Quand une chose a été dite et bien dite, n'ayez aucun scrupule, prenez-la, copiez.''
** '''When a thing has been said and well said, have no scruple: take it and copy it.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock [Read Books, 2007, <small> {{ISBN|1-406-75172-3}}</small>], p. 56
* ''On devient bon écrivain comme on devient bon menuisier: en rabotant ses phrases.''
** '''You become a [[good]] [[writer]] just as you become a good joiner: by planing down your sentences.'''
*** As quoted in ''Anatole France en pantoufles'' by Jean-Jacques Brousson (1924); published in English as ''Anatole France Himself: A Boswellian Record by His Secretary, Jean-Jacques Brousson'' (1925), trans. John Pollock, p. 85
** Variant translation: You become a good writer just as you become a good carpenter: by planing down your sentences.
* ''Si 50 millions de personnes disent une bêtise, c'est quand même une bêtise.''
** '''If fifty million [[people]] say a [[foolish]] thing, it is still a foolish thing.'''
*** As quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?redir_esc=y&hl=es&id=0CcWYwjwyRgC&focus=searchwithinvolume&q=foolish Listening and Speaking: A Guide to Effective Oral Communication]'' (1954) by Ralph G. Nichols and Thomas R. Lewis, p. 74 <!-- Though I have not yet found an earlier source for this, I see little reason to doubt that it originates with France, who is almost universally credited with it, and that it almost certainly precedes Maugham's comment about forty million people of 1901. ~ Kalki 2008·03·31 -->
**** Also misattributed to [[Bertrand Russell]], by [[Laurence J. Peter]], in ''The Peter Prescription: How To Make Things Go Right'' (1976), but he subsequently attributed to France in ''Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time'' (1977).
**** Derived variant: If forty million people say a foolish thing it does not become a wise one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie.
***** [[W. Somerset Maugham]], ''A Writer's Notebook'' (1949), entry for 1901
* A people under the menace of war and of invasion is very easy to govern. It does not claim social reforms, it does not cavil over armaments or military equipment. It pays without haggling, it ruins itself at it, and that is excellent for the syndicates, the financiers, and the heads of industry to whom patriotic terrors open an abundant source of gain.
** {{Cite web |date=1914-01-22 |title=Anatole France on Education. Speech at the Inauguration of the Education Part of the Socialist "Maison de Peuple," at Brussels |author=Translated for "The New Age" by Leonard J. Simons |work=The New Age (Volume 14, Number 12) |pages=363 |url=http://www.modjourn.org/render.php?id=1165338028234375&view=mjp_object |publisher=Modernist Journals Project |accessdate=2017-01-04}}
=== ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1881) ===
[[File:Anatole France par Leroux.jpg|thumb|right| He flattered himself on being a [[man]] without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.]]
: <small> ''Le Crime de Sylvestre Bonnard'' as translated by [[w:Lafcadio Hearn|Lafcadio Hearn]] (1890) - [http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext00/tcosb10.txt Full text of translation at Project Gutenberg]</small>
[[File:Anatole France at work.jpg|thumb|right|Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.]]
[[File:Anatole France 1921.png|thumb|right|It is by [[Action|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].]]
[[File:A. France par Stenlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.]]
* ''Je ne sais pas de lecture plus facile, plus attrayante, plus douce que celle d'un catalogue.''
** I do not know any [[reading]] more easy, more fascinating, more delightful than a catalogue.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les livres d'histoire qui ne mentent pas sont tout fort maussades.''
** All the [[historical]] [[books]] which contain no [[lies]] are extremely tedious.
** ''Variant'': History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (December 24, 1849)
* ''Les amants qui aiment bien n'écrivent pas leur bonheur.''
** '''Lovers who [[love]] truly do not write down their [[happiness]].'''
*** ''La Bûche'' [The Log] (November 30, 1859)
* ''Savoir n'est rien, imaginer est tout.''
** To [[know]] is [[nothing]] at [[all]]; to [[imagine]] is everything.
*** Pt. II, ch. 2
* ''Il se flattait d'être sans préjugés, et cette prétention était à elle seule un gros préjugé.''
** '''He flattered himself on being a man without any [[prejudices]]; and this [[pretension]] itself is a very great prejudice.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les hommes qui se sont occupés du bonheur des peuples ont rendu leurs proches bien malheureux.''
** Those who have given themselves the most concern about the [[happiness]] of peoples have made their neighbors very [[miserable]].
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'homme est ainsi fait qu'il ne se délasse d'un travail que par un autre.''
** '''Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of [[labor]] by taking up another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''J'ai toujours préféré la folie des passions à la sagesse de l'indifférence.''
** I prefer the [[folly]] of [[enthusiasm]] to the [[wisdom]] of [[indifference]].
** ''Variant'': I prefer the errors of enthusiasm to the wisdom of indifference.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Les gens qui n'eurent point de faiblesses sont terribles; on n'a point de prise sur eux.''
** People who have no [[weaknesses]] are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''L'art d'enseigner n'est que l'art d'éveiller la curiosité des jeunes âmes pour la satisfaire ensuite.''
** The whole [[art]] of [[teaching]] is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young [[minds]] for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
* ''Tous les changements, même les plus souhaités ont leur mélancolie, car ce que nous quittons, c'est une partie de nous-mêmes; il faut mourir à une vie pour entrer dans une autre.''
** '''[[All]] [[changes]], even the most longed for, have their [[melancholy]]; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must [[die]] to one [[life]] before we can enter another.'''
*** Pt. II, ch. 4
=== ''The Literary Life'' (1888-1892)===
[[File:Anatole France, par T.A. Steinlein.jpg|thumb|right|[[Irony]] is the [[gaiety]] of [[reflection]] and the [[joy]] of [[wisdom]].]]
:<small> ''La Vie Littéraire'' - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/19345 Full text online (French)]</small>
* ''C'est d'actes et non d'idées que vivent les peuples.''
** '''It is by [[actions|acts]], and not by [[ideas]] that [[people]] [[live]].'''
*** Series I: [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/S%C3%A9r%C3%A9nus ''Sérénus'']
**Variant: '''It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.'''
*** As quoted in ''The Ironic Temper: Anatole France and His Time'' (1932)
* ''On reproche aux gens de parler d’eux-mêmes. C’est pourtant le sujet qu’ils traitent le mieux.''
** We reproach [[people]] for talking about themselves but it is the subject they treat best.
*** Series I: ''À propos du journal [[w:Goncourt brothers|des Goncourt]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/%C3%80_propos_du_%C2%AB_journal_des_Goncourt_%C2%BB]
* ''Les plus beaux mots du monde ne sont que de vains sons, si on ne les comprend pas.''
** '''The finest [[words]] in the [[world]] are only [[vain]] [[sounds]], if you cannot comprehend them.'''
*** Series I: [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Propos_de_rentr%C3%A9e_:_la_terre_et_la_langue ''Propos de rentrée: la terre et la langue'']
* ''Il est bon que le cœur soit naïf et que l’esprit ne le soit pas.''
** It is well for the [[heart]] to be naive and for the [[mind]] not to be.
*** Series II: ''M. [[w:Jules Lemaître|Jules Lemaître]]'' [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/M._Jules_Lema%C3%AEtre]
* ''Le bon critique est celui qui raconte les aventures de son âme au milieu des chefs-d'œuvre.''
** The good [[critic]] is one who tells of his mind's adventures among masterpieces.
*** Series II: ''M. Jules Lemaître''
* ''L'ironie, c'est la gaieté de la réflexion et la joie de la sagesse.''
** '''[[Irony]] is the gaiety of reflection and the joy of wisdom.'''
*** Series III: ''[[François Rabelais|Rabelais]]'' [http://www.gutenberg.org/files/19345/19345-8.txt]
=== ''The White Stone'' (1905) ===
:<small>[[s:The White Stone|''Sur la pierre blanche'' (1905), as translated by Charles E. Roche (1910)]] · [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/49092 online at Project Gutenberg] · [https://archive.org/details/whitestone00fran/page/10/mode/2up online at Internet Archive] </small>
[[File:White Stone.jpg|thumb|And to me it seems that you have fallen asleep upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a moment while it was night.]]
[[File:The White Stone pg 7.png|thumb| The [[gods]] conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have [[reasons]] for so doing.]]
[[File:Edward Armitage - Julian the Apostate presiding at a conference of sectarian - 1875.jpg|thumb|The Emperor [[Julian (emperor)|Julian]]'s morals were almost those of [[w: Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]]. There is nothing in this but what is natural and usual.]]
*And to me it seems that you have fallen asleep upon a white rock, and in a parish of [[dreams]], and have dreamt all this in a moment while it was [[night]].
** ''[[w: Philopatris| Philopatris]]'', xxi, as translated in the epigraph, p. 8
* '''The gods conform scrupulously to the sentiments of their worshippers: they have reasons for so doing.''' Pay attention to this. The spirit which favoured the accession in Rome of the god of [[Israel]] was not merely the spirit of the masses, but also that of the [[philosophers]]. At that time, they were nearly all [[Stoics]], and believed in one god alone, one on whose behalf [[Plato]] had laboured and one unconnected by tie of family or friendship with the gods of human form of Greece and Rome. This god, through his infinity, resembled the god of the Jews. [[Seneca]] and [[Epictetus]], who venerated him, would have been the first to have been surprised at the resemblance, had they been called upon to institute a comparison. Nevertheless, they had themselves greatly contributed towards rendering acceptable the austere monotheism of the Judaeo-Christians. Doubtless a wide gulf separated Stoic haughtiness from Christian [[humility]], but Seneca's morals, consequent upon his sadness and his contempt of nature, were paving the way for the Evangelical morals. The Stoics had joined issue with life and the beautiful; this rupture, attributed to [[Christianity]], was initiated by the philosophers. '''A couple of centuries later, in the time of [[Constantine]], both pagans and Christians will have, so to speak, the same morals and philosophy.''' The Emperor [[Julian (emperor)|Julian]], who restored to the Empire its old religion, which had been abolished by Constantine the Apostate, is justly regarded as an opponent of the Galilean. And, when perusing the petty treatises of Julian, one is struck with the number of [[ideas]] this enemy of the Christians held in common with them. He, like them, is a monotheist; with them, he believes in the merits of abstinence, fasting, and mortification of the flesh; with them, he despises carnal pleasures, and considers he will rise in favour with the gods by avoiding women; finally, he pushes Christian sentiment to the degree of rejoicing over his dirty beard and his black finger-nails. '''The Emperor Julian's morals were almost those of [[w:Gregory of Nazianzus|St. Gregory Nazianzen]].''' There is nothing in this but what is natural and usual. The transformations undergone by morals and ideas are never sudden. '''The greatest changes in social life are wrought imperceptibly, and are only seen from afar.''' Christianity did not secure a foothold until such time as the condition of morals accommodated itself to it, and as Christianity itself had become adjusted to the condition of morals. '''It was unable to substitute itself for paganism until such time as paganism came to resemble it, and itself came to resemble paganism.'''
** Ch. III, p. 135
* '''The great human asset is man himself.''' In order to rate the terrestrial globe, it is necessary to begin by rating men. To exploit the soil, the mines, the waters, all the substances and all the forces of our planet, it needs man, the whole of man; humanity, the whole of humanity. The complete exploitation of the terrestrial globe demands the united labour of white, yellow, and black men. By reducing, diminishing, and weakening, or, to sum it up in one word, by colonising a portion of humanity, we are working against ourselves. It is to our advantage that yellow and black men should be powerful, free, and wealthy. Our prosperity and our wealth depend on theirs. The more is produced, the more will there be consumed. The greater the profit they derive from us, the greater the profit we shall derive from them. If they reap the benefit of our labours, so shall we fully reap theirs. <br /> If we study the movements which govern the destinies of societies, we may perhaps discover signs that the era of violent deeds is coming to an end. War, which was formerly a standing institution among nations, is now intermittent, and the periods of peace have become of longer duration than those of war.
** Ch, IV, p. 175
* '''You seem to have dreamt on the white stone, in the midst of the [[people]] of [[dreams]], since you dreamt so long a dream in the course of so short a night.'''
** Ch. VI, p. 237
* "It is not likely," remarked Joséphin Leclerc, "that the future will be such as you have seen it. I do not wish for the coming of socialism, but I dread it not. Collectivism at the helm would be quite another thing than is imagined. Who was it who said, carrying back his thoughts to the time of Constantine and of the Church's early triumphs: 'Christianity is triumphant, but its triumph is subject to the conditions imposed by life on all political and religious parties. All of them, whatever they may be, undergo so complete a transformation in the struggle that after victory there remains of themselves but the name and a few symbols of the last idea'?"
** Ch. VI, p. 238
* "'''Upon the whole, [[humanity]] changes little. What has been shall be.'''" <br /> "No doubt," replied'Jean Boilly, " man, or that which we call man, changes little. We belong to a definite species. The [[evolution]] of the species is of necessity included in the definition of the species. It is impossible to conceive humanity subsequent to its transformation. A transformed species is a lost species. But what reason is there for us to believe that man is the end of the evolution of life upon the [[earth]]? Why suppose that his birth has exhausted the creative forces of nature, and that the universal mother of the flora and fauna should, after having shaped him, become for ever barren. A natural philosopher, who does not stand in fear of his own ideas, [[H. G. Wells]], has said: 'Man is not final.' No indeed, man is neither the beginning nor the end of terrestrial life. Long before him, all over the globe, animated forces were multiplying in the depths of the sea, in the mud of the strand, in the forests, lakes, prairies, and tree-topped mountains. After him, new forms will go on taking shape. A future race, born perhaps of our own, but having perchance no bond of origin with us, will succeed us in the empire of the planet. These new spirits of the earth will ignore or despise us. The monuments of our arts, should they discover vestiges of them, will have no meaning for them. Rulers of the future, whose mind we can no more divine than the [[w:palaeopithekos|palaeopithekos]] of the [[w:Sivalik Hills|Siwalik Mountains]] was able to forecast the trains of thought of [[Aristotle]], [[Newton]], and [[Henri Poincaré|Poincaré]]."
** Ch. VI, p. 238
=== ''[[w:Penguin Island (novel)|Penguin Island]]'' (1908) ===
:<small>[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/1930 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Pompeii - Casa del Frutteto - Fig tree.jpg|thumb|right|You [[worship]] this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of feeling [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty.]]
[[File:Penguin Bay at Drusillas Park.jpg|thumb|right|When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither joy nor sorrow, but an extreme surprise.]]
<!--[[File:Schwimmen-mit-Pinguinen.jpg|thumb|right|It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities.]]
[[File:Emperor penguins.jpg|thumb|right| Thinking that what he saw were [[men]] living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the [[gospel]] to them.]]
[[File:Yellow-eyed Penguins Auckland Islands.jpg |thumb|right|Just as the sun melts the ice of your mountains so Jesus Christ will melt the ice of your hearts.]]-->
* Mael, a scion of a royal family of Cambria, was sent in his ninth year to the Abbey of Yvern so that he might there study both sacred and profane learning. At the age of fourteen he renounced his patrimony and took a vow to serve the Lord. His time was divided, according to the rule, between the singing of hymns, the study of grammar, and the meditation of eternal [[truths]].
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. I: Life Of Saint Mael
* A beautiful fig-tree raised itself in a hollow of the island and thrust forth its branches far and wide. The inhabitants of the island used to [[worship]] it. {{pb}} And the holy Mael said to them: "You worship this [[tree]] because it is beautiful. Therefore you are capable of feeling [[beauty]]. Now I come to reveal to you the hidden beauty." And he taught them the [[Gospel]]. And after having instructed them, he baptized them with salt and water.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. II: The Apostolical Vocation Of Saint Mael
* Thinking that what he saw were men living under the [[natural]] [[law]], and that the Lord had sent him to teach them the Divine law, he preached the gospel to them. {{pb}} Mounted on a lofty stone in the midst of the wild circus: {{pb}} "Inhabitants of this island," said he, "although you be of small stature, you look less like a band of fishermen and mariners than like the senate of a judicious republic. By your gravity, your silence, your tranquil deportment, you form on this wild rock an assembly comparable to the Conscript Fathers at [[Rome]] deliberating in the temple of Victory, or rather, to the philosophers of Athens disputing on the benches of the [[w:Areopagus|Areopagus]]. Doubtless you possess neither their science nor their [[genius]], but perhaps in the sight of God you are their superiors. I believe that you are simple and good. As I went round your island I saw no image of murder, no sign of carnage, no enemies' heads or scalps hung from a lofty pole or nailed to the doors of your villages. You appear to me to have no arts and not to work in metals. But your hearts are pure and your hands are innocent, and the truth will easily enter into your souls." {{pb}} Now what he had taken for men of small stature but of grave bearing were penguins whom the spring had gathered together, and who were ranged in couples on the natural steps of the rock, erect in the majesty of their large white bellies. From moment to moment they moved their winglets like arms, and uttered peaceful cries. They did not fear men, for they did not know them, and had never received any harm from them; and there was in the monk a certain gentleness that reassured the most timid animals and that pleased these penguins extremely.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* Touched by their attention, the holy man taught them the Gospel. {{pb}} "Inhabitants of this island, the earthly day that has just risen over your rocks is the image of the heavenly day that rises in your souls. For I bring you the inner light; I bring you the light and heat of the soul. Just as the sun melts the ice of your mountains so [[Jesus]] Christ will melt the ice of your hearts." {{pb}} Thus the old man spoke. As everywhere throughout nature voice calls to voice, as all which breathes in the light of day loves alternate strains, these penguins answered the old man by the sounds of their throats. And their voices were soft, for it was the season of their loves.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* The holy man, persuaded that they belonged to some idolatrous people and that in their own language they gave adherence to the [[Christian]] faith, invited them to receive baptism. {{pb}} "I think," said he to them, "that you bathe often, for all the hollows of the rocks are full of pure water, and as I came to your assembly I saw several of you plunging into these natural baths. Now purity of body is the image of spiritual purity." {{pb}} And he taught them the origin, the nature, and the effects of baptism. {{pb}} "Baptism," said he to them, "is Adoption, New Birth, Regeneration, Illumination." {{pb}} And he explained each of these points to them in succession. {{pb}} Then, having previously blessed the water that fell from the cascades and recited the [[exorcisms]], he baptized those whom he had just taught, pouring on each of their heads a drop of pure water and pronouncing the sacred words. {{pb}} And thus for three days and three nights he baptized the birds.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. V: The Baptism Of The Penguins
* '''When the baptism of the penguins was known in Paradise, it caused neither joy nor sorrow, but an extreme surprise. The Lord himself was embarrassed. He gathered an assembly of clerics and doctors, and asked them whether they regarded the baptism as valid.
** Book I: The Beginnings, Ch. VI: An Assembly In Paradise
* [[Jealousy]] is a virtue of democracies which preserves them from tyrants.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* For the moment the [[peril]] was nowhere and yet everywhere. The majority remained solid; but the leaders became stiff and exacting.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* A pretext presented itself; some insult needed to be avenged, or some debt to be collected. Six battleships, fourteen cruisers, and eighteen transports sailed up the mouth of the river Hippopotamus. Six hundred canoes vainly opposed the landing of the troops. Admiral Vivier des Murenes' cannons produced an appalling effect upon the blacks, who replied to them with flights of arrows, but in spite of their fanatical courage they were entirely defeated. Popular enthusiasm was kindled by the newspapers which the financiers subsidised, and burst into a blaze. Some [[Socialists]] alone protested against this barbarous, doubtful, and dangerous enterprise. They were at once arrested.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* It was high time for a generous benefactor to come to the relief of our necessities. Rich and poor, learned and ignorant are turning away from us. And when we try to lead back these misguided souls, neither threats nor promises, neither gentleness nor violence, nor anything else is now successful. The Penguin clergy pine in desolation; our country priests, reduced to following the humblest of trades, are shoeless, and compelled to live upon such scraps as they can pick up. In our ruined churches the rain of heaven falls upon the faithful, and during the holy offices they can hear the noise of stones falling from the arches. The tower of the cathedral is tottering and will soon fall. St. Orberosia is forgotten by the Penguins, her devotion abandoned, and her sanctuary deserted. On her shrine, bereft of its gold and precious stones, the spider silently weaves her web.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* Penguinia gloried in its [[wealth]]. Those who produced the things necessary for life, wanted them; those who did not produce them had more than enough. "But these," as a member of the Institute said, "are necessary economic fatalities." The great Penguin people had no longer either traditions, intellectual culture, or arts. The progress of civilisation manifested itself among them by murderous industry, infamous speculation, and hideous luxury. Its capital assumed, as did all the great cities of the time, a cosmopolitan and financial character. An immense and regular ugliness reigned within it. The country enjoyed perfect [[tranquillity]]. It had reached its zenith.
** Book VII: Modern Times, Ch. IX: The Final Consequences
* Drink! The flies have not spoilt my vintage; the vines were dry before they came.
** Book VIII: Future Times
=== ''[[w:The Revolt of the Angels|The Revolt of the Angels]]'' (1914) ===
[[File:Engel auf dem Friedhof.jpg|thumb|right|Your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to [[victory]].]]
:<small>''La Revolte des Anges'', as translated by Mrs. Wilfrid Jackson - [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/32596 Full text online]</small>
[[File:Red-blue sunset.jpg|thumb|right|The sun is about to descend into the roseate waters of the Sacred River. When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this garden, where the joys of the intellect and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the spirit of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]].]]
[[File:Franz von Stuck 003.jpg|thumb|right|The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity.]]
[[File:GuidoReni MichaelDefeatsSatan.jpg|thumb|Archangel Michael, and you, [[Powers]], Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.]]
<!--[[File:Leontocefalo dal Mitreo Fagan (Ostia).jpg|thumb|We have destroyed [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]], our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and Fear. … Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. We were conquered because we failed to understand that Victory is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.]]-->
* '''For the majority of people, though they do not know what to do with this life, long for another that shall have no end.'''
** Ch. XXI
* Zita told him of the black standards assembled in crowds in all the waste places of the globe; of the deliverance premeditated and prepared in the provinces of Heaven, where the first revolt had long ago been fomented. <br> "Prince," she went on, "your army awaits you. Come, lead it on to victory.""[[Friends]]," replied the great archangel, "I was aware of the object of your visit. Baskets of fruit and honeycombs await you under the shade of this mighty tree. '''The [[sun]] is about to descend into the roseate [[waters]] of the [[Sacred]] [[River]].''' When you have eaten, you will slumber pleasantly in this [[garden]], where the [[joys]] of the [[intellect]] and of the [[senses]] have reigned since the [[day]] when I drove hence the [[spirit]] of the old [[w:Demiurge|Demiurge]]. To-morrow I will give you my answer."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Night hung its blue over the garden. [[Satan]] fell asleep.''' He had a dream, and in that dream, soaring over the earth, he saw it covered with angels in revolt, beautiful as gods whose eyes darted lightning. And from pole to pole one single cry, formed of a myriad cries, mounted towards him, filled with hope and love. And Satan said: <br> "Let us go forth! Let us seek the ancient adversary in his high abode." And he led the countless host of angels over the celestial plains. And Satan was cognizant of what took place in the heavenly citadel. When news of this second revolt came thither, the Father said to the Son:<br> "The irreconcilable foe is rising once again. Let us take heed to ourselves, and in this, our time of danger, look to our defences, lest we lose our high abode." <br> And the Son, consubstantial with the Father, replied: <br> "We shall triumph under the sign that gave Constantine the victory."
** Ch. XXXV
* '''The archangel [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] took supreme command. He reassured their minds by his serenity. His countenance, wherein his soul was visible, expressed contempt for danger.''' By his orders, the chiefs of the thunderbolts, the Kerûbs, grown dull with the long interval of peace, paced with heavy steps the ramparts of the Holy Mountain, and, letting the gaze of their bovine eyes wander over the glittering clouds of their Lord, strove to place the divine batteries in position. After inspecting the defences, they swore to the Most High that all was in readiness. They took counsel together as to the plan they should follow. Michael was for the offensive. He, as a consummate soldier, said it was the supreme law. Attack, or be attacked, — there was no middle course. <br> "Moreover," he added, "the offensive attitude is particularly suitable to the ardour of the Thrones and Dominations."<br> '''Beyond that, it was impossible to obtain a word from the valiant chief, and this silence seemed the mark of a genius sure of himself.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Mutterings and murmurs, mingling with the rumours of glory, gave rise to fears of an indecisive battle, a precipitate retreat. Insolent voices gave out that a spirit of the lowest category, a guardian angel, the insignificant Arcade, had checked and routed the dazzling host of the three great archangels.'''<!-- <br> There were also rumours of wholesale defection in the Seventh Heaven, where rebellion had broken out before the beginning of Time, and some had even seen black clouds of impious angels joining the armies of the rebels on Earth. But no one lent an ear to the odious rumours, and stress was laid on the news of victory which ran from lip to lip, each statement readily finding confirmation. The high places resounded with hymns of joy; the Seraphim celebrated on harp and psaltery Sabaoth, God of Thunder. The voices of the elect united with those of the angels in glorifying the Invisible and at the thought of the bloodshed that the ministers of holy wrath had caused among the rebels, sighs of relief and jubilation were wafted from the Heavenly Jerusalem towards the Most High. But the beatitude of the most blessed, having swelled to the utmost limit before due time, could increase no more, and the very excess of their felicity completely dulled their senses. <br> The songs had not yet ceased when the guards watching on the ramparts signalled the approach of the first fugitives of the divine army; Seraphim on tattered wing, flying in disorder, maimed Kerûbs going on three feet. -->
** Ch. XXXV
* '''With impassive gaze, Michael, prince of warriors, measured the extent of the disaster, and his keen intelligence penetrated its causes.''' The armies of the living God had taken the offensive, but by one of those fatalities in war which disconcert the plans of the greatest captains, the enemy had also taken the offensive, and the effect was evident.
** Ch. XXXV
* The garrison laid down their arms before [[Satan]]. [[Michael (archangel)|Michael]] placed his flaming sword at the feet of the conquering archangel. <br> "Take back your sword, Michael," said Satan. "It is [[Lucifer]] who yields it to you. Bear it in defence of peace and law." Then letting his gaze fall on the leaders of the celestial cohorts, he cried in a ringing voice: <br> "'''Archangel Michael, and you, Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, swear all of you to be faithful to your God.'''"<br>"We swear it," they replied with one voice.<br>And Satan said:<br>"'''Powers, Thrones, and Dominations, of all past wars, I wish but to remember the invincible courage that you displayed and the loyalty which you rendered to authority, for these assure me of the steadfastness of the fealty you have just sworn to me.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* The following day, on the ethereal plain, Satan commanded the black standards to be distributed to the troops, and the winged soldiers covered them with kisses and bedewed them with tears. <br> '''And [[Satan]] had himself crowned God.''' Thronging round the glittering walls of Heavenly Jerusalem, apostles, pontiffs, virgins, martyrs, confessors, the whole company of the elect, who during the fierce battle had enjoyed delightful tranquillity, tasted infinite joy in the spectacle of the coronation. <br> '''The elect saw with ravishment the Most High precipitated into [[Hell]], and Satan seated on the throne of the Lord. In conformity with the will of God which had cut them off from sorrow they sang in the ancient fashion the praises of their new Master.'''
** Ch. XXXV
* '''Satan, piercing space with his keen glance, contemplated the little globe of earth and water where of old he had planted the vine and formed the first tragic chorus.''' And he fixed his gaze on that [[Rome]] where the fallen God had founded his empire on fraud and lie. '''Nevertheless, at that moment a saint ruled over the Church.''' Satan saw him praying and weeping. And he said to him: <br> "To thee I entrust my Spouse. Watch over her faithfully. '''In thee I confirm the right and power to decide matters of doctrine, to regulate the use of the sacraments, to make laws and to uphold purity of morals. And the faithful shall be under obligation to conform thereto. My [[Church]] is eternal, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Thou art infallible. Nothing is changed.'''" <br> '''And the successor of the apostles felt flooded with rapture.''' He prostrated himself, and with his forehead touching the floor, replied: <br> "'''O Lord, my God, I recognise Thy voice!''' Thy breath has been wafted like balm to my heart. '''Blessed be Thy [[name]]. Thy will be done on [[Earth]], as it is in Heaven. Lead us not into [[temptation]], but deliver us from evil.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
* '''[[Satan]] found pleasure in praise and in the exercise of his grace; he loved to hear his wisdom and his power belauded.''' He listened with joy to the canticles of the cherubim who celebrated his good deeds, and he took no pleasure in listening to Nectaire's flute, because it celebrated nature's self, yielded to the insect and to the blade of grass their share of power and love, and counselled happiness and freedom. '''Satan, whose flesh had crept, in days gone by, at the idea that suffering prevailed in the world, now felt himself inaccessible to pity.''' He regarded suffering and death as the happy results of omnipotence and sovereign kindness. And the savour of the blood of victims rose upward towards him like sweet incense. '''He fell to condemning intelligence and to hating curiosity. He himself refused to learn anything more, for fear that in acquiring fresh knowledge he might let it be seen that he had not known everything at the very outset.''' He took pleasure in mystery, and believing that he would seem less great by being understood, he affected to be unintelligible. Dense fumes of [[Theology]] filled his brain. One day, following the example of his predecessor, he conceived the notion of proclaiming himself one god in three persons. Seeing Arcade smile as this proclamation was made, he drove him from his presence. Istar and Zita had long since returned to earth. Thus centuries passed like seconds. Now, one day, from the altitude of his throne, he plunged his gaze into the depths of the pit and saw [[w:Demiurge|Ialdabaoth]] in the [[w:Gehenna|Gehenna]] where he himself had long lain enchained. '''Amid the ever lasting gloom Ialdabaoth still retained his lofty mien. Blackened and shattered, terrible and sublime, he glanced upwards at the palace of the King of Heaven with a look of proud disdain, then turned away his head.''' And the new god, as he looked upon his foe, beheld the light of intelligence and love pass across his sorrow-stricken countenance. And lo! Ialdabaoth was now contemplating the Earth and, seeing it sunk in wickedness and suffering, he began to foster thoughts of kindliness in his heart. On a sudden he rose up, and beating the ether with his mighty arms, as though with oars, he hastened thither to instruct and to console mankind. '''Already his vast shadow shed upon the unhappy planet a shade soft as a night of love.''' <br> '''And Satan awoke bathed in an icy sweat.''' <br> Nectaire, Istar, Arcade, and Zita were standing round him. The finches were singing. <br> "Comrades," said the great archangel, "no — '''we will not conquer the heavens. Enough to have the power. [[War]] engenders war, and victory defeat.''' <br> '''"God, conquered, will become [[Satan]]; Satan, conquering, will become God. May the fates spare me this terrible lot; I love the Hell which formed my genius. I love the Earth where I have done some good, if it be possible to do any good in this fearful world where beings live but by rapine.''' <br> Now, thanks to us, the god of old is dispossessed of his terrestrial empire, and every thinking being on this globe disdains him or knows him not. '''But what matter that men should be no longer submissive to Ialdabaoth if the spirit of Ialdabaoth is still in them; if they, like him, are jealous, violent, quarrelsome, and greedy, and the foes of the arts and of beauty? What matter that they have rejected the ferocious Demiurge, if they do not hearken to the friendly demons who teach all truths; to [[w:Dionysus|Dionysus]], [[w:Apollo|Apollo]], and the [[w:Muse|Muses]]? As to ourselves, celestial spirits, sublime demons, we have destroyed Ialdabaoth, our [[Tyrant]], if in ourselves we have destroyed Ignorance and [[Fear]]."''' <br> And Satan, turning to the gardener, said: <br> "Nectaire, you fought with me before the birth of the world. '''We were conquered because we failed to understand that [[Victory]] is a Spirit, and that it is in ourselves and in ourselves alone that we must attack and destroy Ialdabaoth.'''"
** Ch. XXXV
{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
* [[Chance]] is perhaps the pseudonym of God when He did not want to sign.
** ''Le hasard, c'est peut-être le pseudonyme de Dieu, quand il ne veut pas signer.'' — [[w:Théophile Gautier|Théophile Gautier]], ''La Croix de Berny'' (1845), letter III: Edgard Meilhan au Prince de Monbert [http://books.google.com/books?id=3TEtAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA29&dq=%22le+pseudonyme+de+Dieu,+quand+il+ne+veut+pas+signer%22&ei=twPuR9TxGYXaygSI-5mYDg]
* Devout believers are safeguarded in a high degree against the risk of certain neurotic illnesses; their acceptance of the universal neurosis spares them the task of constructing a personal one.
** [[Sigmund Freud]], "The Future of an Illusion" (1927), ch. 8, from ''The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud,'' ed. James Strachey and Anna Freud (London, Hogarth Press, 1961), vol. 21, p. 44
* It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that I was no longer a boy. From that moment I began to grow old in my own esteem — and in my esteem age is not estimable.
** [[Lord Byron|George Gordon, Lord Byron]], from ''The Works of Lord Byron'', ed. Rowland E. Prothero (1901), vol. V: Letters and Journals, ch. XXIII: "Detached Thoughts" (15 October 1821 - 18 May 1822), paragraph 72 (p. 445)
* No [[government]] ought to be without censors; and where the press is free, none ever will.
** No government ought to be without censors: & where the press is free, no one ever will.
*** [[Thomas Jefferson]], [http://odur.let.rug.nl/~usa/P/tj3/writings/brf/jefl100.htm letter] to [[George Washington]] (9 September 1792)
* ''De toutes les aberrations sexuelles, la plus singulière est peut-être encore la chasteté.''
** Of all the sexual aberrations, [[chastity]] is the strangest.
*** [[w:Rémy de Gourmont|Remy de Gourmont]], ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel'' (1903), ch. 18: La question des aberrations [http://books.google.com/books?id=32ZJAAAAIAAJ&pg=PA233&dq=%22De+toutes+les+aberrations+sexuelles%22&lr=&ei=6TXvR9yOM4zGyATqjfX4Bw].
** Variant: Of all sexual aberrations, perhaps the most curious is chastity.
*** Remy de Gourmont, ''The Natural Philosophy of Love'' (1922), the [[Ezra Pound]] translation of ''La Physique de l'Amour: Essai sur l'Instinct Sexuel''
* ''Le silence est l'esprit des sots<br>Et l'une des vertus du sage.''
** [[Silence]] is the wit of fools, and one of the virtues of the wise.
*** [[:fr:w:Bernard_de_Bonnard|Bernard de Bonnard]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=9gAvAAAAMAAJ&pg=PR14&dq=%22Et+l%27une+des+vertus+du+sage%22+Bonnard&ei=iyzvR-bFOIa4zASV0PyoBQ#PPA244,M1 "Le Silence,"] ''L'Almanach des Muses'' (1776)
* The [[fool]] doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.
** [[William Shakespeare]], [[As You Like It]], Act v, Scene i
* Can any thing in this [[world]] be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth can come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
** [[Jeremy Taylor]], "Apples of Sodom," Part II, Sermon XX of ''Twenty-Five Sermons for the Winter Half-Year, Preached at Golden Grove'' (1653)
** Variant: What can be more foolish than to think that all this rare fabric of heaven and earth could come by chance, when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster!
* You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.
** ''Je ne sais point de plus grande finesse pour parvenir à aimer que d'aimer, comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à parler en parlant, à travailler en travaillant.''
*** [[Francis de Sales]], quoted in ''Vie de saint François de Sales, évèque et prince de Genève'' by André Jean Marie Hamon (Librairie Victor Lecoffre, Paris, 1896), Vol. II, Book VII, Ch. V: Son amour pour Dieu
** Variant of sourced quotation: ''Comme on apprend à étudier en étudiant, à jouer du luth en jouant, à nager en nageant; aussi apprend-on à aimer Dieu et le prochain en l'aimant.'' — Francis de Sales, quoted in Jean-Pierre Camus, "L'esprit du bienheureux saint François de Sales" (1641), Part I, Section 31; published in ''Oeuvres complètes de saint François de Sales,'' ed. Jean-Irénée Depéry (Berche et Tralin, Paris, 1875), Vol. I
* An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't. It's knowing where to go to find out what you need to know, and it's knowing how to use the information once you get it.
** The first two sentences of this statement first appear as attributed to France in the 1990s, but the full statement is earlier attributed to [[William Feather]], as quoted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=Wm0jAQAAMAAJ&q=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&dq=%22being+able+to+differentiate+between+what+you+do+know%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=qYJOU9dAzoXRAYumgcAP&ved=0CMsCEOgBMDQ ''Telephony'', Vol. 150 (1956), p. 23]
* Life is too short, and Proust is too long.
** Apparently an invention by {{w|Maurice Sachs}}; see discussion in [[Marcel Proust#Quotes_about_Proust|Quotes about Proust]].
{{Misattributed end}}
== Quotes about France ==
[[File:Anatole France cropped.jpg|thumb|As a literary figure he stands [[alone]]; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of [[style]], can he be successfully attached to any special group of [[writers]]. ~ [[Lafcadio Hearn]] ]]
[[File:Anatole-France-mai1923.jpg|thumb|He had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested. ~ [[George Orwell]] ]]
* '''If by Realism we mean [[Truth]], which alone gives value to any study of [[human nature]], we have in Anatole France a very dainty realist''': — if by Romanticism we understand that unconscious tendency of the [[artist]] to elevate truth itself beyond the range of the familiar, and into the emotional realm of aspiration, then Anatole France is at times a romantic. And, nevertheless, '''as a literary figure he stands alone; neither by his distinctly Parisian refinement of method, nor yet by any definite characteristic of style, can he be successfully attached to any special group of writers.'''
** [[Lafcadio Hearn]], in his introduction to his translation of ''The Crime of Sylvestre Bonnard'' (1918)
* '''When Anatole France died, twenty years ago, his reputation suffered one of those sudden slumps to which highbrow writers who have lived long enough to become popular are especially liable.''' In [[France]], according to the charming French custom, vicious personal attacks were made upon him while he lay dying and when he was freshly dead. A particularly venomous one was written by [[w:Pierre Drieu la Rochelle|Pierre Drieu la Rochelle]], afterwards to become a collaborator of the [[Nazis]]. In [[England]], also, it was discovered that Anatole France was no good. A few years later than this a young man attached to a weekly paper (I met him afterwards in Paris and found that he could not buy a tram ticket without assistance) solemnly assured me that Anatole France ‘wrote very bad French’. France was, it seemed, a vulgar, spurious and derivative writer whom everyone could now ‘see through’. Round about the same time, similar discoveries were being made about [[Bernard Shaw]] and [[Lytton Strachey]]: but curiously enough all three writers have remained very readable, while most of their detractors are forgotten. <br /> How far the revulsion against Anatole France was genuinely literary I do not know. Certainly he had been overpraised, and one must at times get tired of a writer so mannered and so indefatigably pornographic. But it is unquestionable that he was attacked partly from political motives. He may or may not have been a great writer, but he was one of the symbolic figures in the politico-literary dogfight which has been raging for a hundred years or more. The clericals and reactionaries hated him in just the same way as they hated [[Zola]]. Anatole France had [[w:Dreyfus affair|championed Dreyfus]], which needed considerable [[courage]], he had debunked [[Joan of Arc]], he had written a comic history of France; above all, he had lost no opportunity of poking fun at the Church. '''He was everything that the clericals and revanchistes, the people who first preached that the [[Germany|Boche]] must never be allowed to recover and afterwards sucked the blacking off [[Hitler]]’s boots, most detested.''' … He was willing to work for Socialism, even to deliver lectures on it in draughty halls, and he knew that it was both necessary and inevitable, but it is doubtful whether he subjectively wanted it. '''The world, he once said, would get about as much relief from the coming of Socialism as a sick man gets from turning over in bed.''' In a crisis he was ready to identify himself with the working class, but the thought of a Utopian future depressed him, as can be seen from his book, ''La Pierre Blanche''. … Temperamentally he was not a Socialist but a Radical. At this date that is probably the rarer animal of the two, and it is his Radicalism, his passion for [[liberty]] and intellectual [[honesty]], that give their special colour to the four novels about Monsieur Bergeret.
** [[George Orwell]], in "As I Please" in ''The Tribune'' (23 June 1944), reprinted in ''I Have Tried to Tell the Truth: 1943-1944'' (2001)
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline}}
*{{commonscat-inline}}
* [https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/755 Anatole France at Project Gutenberg]
* [http://fr.wikisource.org/wiki/Anatole_France Anatole France at French Wikisource]
{{DEFAULTSORT:France, Anatole}}
[[Category:Academics from France]]
[[Category:Novelists from France]]
[[Category:Poets from France]]
[[Category:Satirists from France]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Journalists from France]]
[[Category:Socialists from France]]
[[Category:People from Paris]]
[[Category:1844 births]]
[[Category:1924 deaths]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates from France]]
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[[File:Superman-Logo.jpg|thumb|"You are who you choose to be."<br>'''"[[w:Superman|Superman]]."''']]
'''''[[w:The Iron Giant|The Iron Giant]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999]] [[w:Warner Bros.|Warner Bros.]] animated film that centers on a young boy named Hogarth Hughes who discovers and befriends a giant robot.
:''Directed and written by [[Brad Bird]], based on the 1968 novel [[w:The Iron Man (novel)|The Iron Man]] by [[Ted Hughes]].''
{{center|1='''Some secrets are too huge to hide.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
[[File:Admiring the Galaxy.jpg|thumb|Souls don't die.]]
[[File:Castle Bravo 007.jpg|thumb|ATOMIC HOLOCAUST! <br>Time to Duck and Cover. The bombs are coming down. <br>A radiation shower will pour throughout your town. <br>Hands up your head, keep low to the ground. <br>Time to Duck and Cover. The bombs are coming down. <br>Duck and Cover. Duck and Cover. Get under the desk with your sister and your brother. <br>Duck and Cover. Duck and Cover. That goes double for your dad and your mother. <br>So, hands over your head, keep low to the ground. <br>'Cause all the kids who don't will cease to be around.]]
[[File:US Army O9 (Army greens).svg|thumb|"Please, sir. I've got a ''feeling'' about this one."<br>"That's lovely, Kent. But let me try to explain how this works: If you told me you'd found, say, um, a giant footprint, I might send over an expert to make a plaster cast of it. ''Hell,'' you get me a ''photograph'' of this thing and I could probably get some ''troops'' over there! But you tell me you've got a ''feeling.''"]]
==Hogarth William Hughes==
* I believe you. What if it is [[w:Sputink|Sputnik]], or a flying saucer from [[w:Mars|Mars]]? I bet we could find it.
* ''[after seeing Giant]'' So, I guess you're not gonna hurt me? ''[Giant drops the shut-off switch]'' The shut-off switch. You saw me save you. ''[Giant looks at him innocently]'' So... where are you from? You came from the sky, right? From up there? ''[Giant looks up]'' Don't you remember anything? Hmm, maybe it's that bump from your head. ''[Giant places his finger on his head, feeling the dent]'' Do you talk? You know words? "Blah, blah, blah," like that? Can you do that? Blah, blah, blah?
* Wig out, it means crazy. You know like, uh- ''[makes a crazy face and babbles; Giant mimics him]'' No, no! Don't do that! ''That's'' the kind of stuff that makes them shoot at you.
* ''[he has just had espresso with Dean, and is not used to its effects]'' So, she moved me up a grade because I wasn't fitting in, so now I'm even more not fitting in. I was getting good grades, you know, like all 'A's. So my mom says, "You need stimulation" and I go, "No, I'm stimulated enough right now. "So, she says, "Uh-uh. You don't have a challenge. You need a challenge." So now I'm challenged, all right. '''''I'm challenged to hold on to my lunch money''''' because of all the big mooses who want to pound me, because I'm a shrimpy dork who thinks he's smarter than them. But I don't think I'm smarter, I just do the stupid homework. If everyone else just did the stupid homework, they could move up a grade and get pounded too. Is there any more coffee?
* ''[trying to get the Giant to come to his senses]'' It's bad to kill. Guns kill. And you don't have to be a gun. You are what you choose to be. You choose. Choose.
==Kent James Mansley==
* Two nights ago, at approximately 1900 hours (7:00 P.M.), S.A.T com radar detected an unidentified flying object entering Earth's atmosphere, losing contact with it two-and-a-half miles off the coast of Rockwell. Some assumed it was a large meteor, or a downed satellite, but my office in Washington received a call from someone reporting an actual encounter with the object. This is no meteor, gentlemen, this is something much more serious.
* Hey, mind if I ask you a few questions there, buckaroo? Now, why would you tell your mom about a giant robot, slugger? So, what'd you see at the power station, huh, tiger? Tell anyone else about this, buddy? How big is this thing, Ranger? Been in the forest lately, Junior? Hey, where you goin'? Champ? Slugger? Hey, Cowboy, where you goin'? Where you goin'?
* Yes, sir.
==Anne Margaret "Annie" Hughes==
* Would you say grace, please?
* Aww, now I do.
* ''[still talking with Dean]'' Hmm, I see why Hogarth sneaks out here.
==Dean Jeffrey McCoppin==
* Sorry, kid. I didn't really see anything. But if we don't stick up for the kooks, who will?
* That's for sure.
* You mean, you know about that?
==General Rogard==
* ''[sternly]'' Step outside, Mansley.
* Go to Code Red! Repeat, Code Red!
==Earl Stutz==
* I'm telling the truth, dang it! It came from outer space. I saw it! And it was headed toward land. I called the government in Washington. Maybe it was a sputnik, or... or an invader from Mars. That's what it is, an invader from Mars! It was a spaceship of some kind. An unidentified flying object...
==Dialogue==
:''[First lines; We hear a sputnik beeping as we see the standard. Then it cuts to space, the sputnik orbits from the distance to the right and to the left towards the viewer as the camera pans to reveal the planet Earth and the sunrise. "EARTH 1957" fades in below, and fades out afterwards. The storm is brewing around the side of North America, the sputnik orbits away and the camera pans past the moon and we see a bright dot in the distance. It zooms in rapidly past the viewer to reveal itself as a comet and the camera pans back to planet earth where the comet is heading towards the eye of the storm. The camera zooms in towards the storm, and the flash transitions the scene to the an ocean waving rapidly. "SOMEWHERE OFF THE COAST OF MAINE" appears below, and fades out as a boat appears in the ocean.]''
:'''Earl Stutz''': Mayday! Mayday! ''[the scene changes to Earl piloting his boat]'' This is the crawler Annabelle. I've lost my bearings and I'm taking on water. My last good reading is 44 degrees north, 68 degrees... ''[he begins to notice the comet crashing landing in the distance]''
:'''Voice on the radio''': Portland Station to Annabelle. What is your current position?
:'''Earl Stutz''': ''[grabbing the radio to reply]'' I don't know exactly, Portland. Off the coast somewhere, near Rockwell! Wait. The lighthouse! I see it!
:''[The lightbeam turns around and another lightbeam appears, Earl's relived look fades away. The boat then crashes into the metallic structure, causing the hull to break apart and Earl to fall through the window and on deck. Earl looks up and gasps and as the camera pans upwards to reveal the silhouette of a giant robot with glowing white eyes. Earl slowly backs away, but the waves engulf him and wash him off the boat. Earl begins to swim up the surface as the boat sinks, the waves crash into the rocky cliff and they drain away to reveal Earl had made it on one of the rocks. He looks up as the camera pans up several rocky features to see an actual lighthouse, its lightbeam engulfs the screen.]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[It transitions to a bright early morning sunrise in Rockwell. The camera pans through the pier and zooms towards the hill, a young boy who is Hogarth Hughes cycles down the street and stops outside Chat 'n' Chew diner. He enters the diner and looks around to see if his mother is around]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Off-screen]'' Over here, honey!
:''[Hogarth notices his mother at the bar and he approaches it with a box in his arm]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hey, Mom! You won't believe our good luck. Guess what I found?
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth, we've been through this before: No pets.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Oh, but he's not a pet, Mom. He's a friend.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth, we've got to rent a room this year if we're gonna make ends meet, and no one wants to live in a place with shredded upholstery.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': You'll never know he's there. I'll keep him in a cage.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Until you feel sorry for him and set him free... in the house. You remember the raccoon, Hogarth? ''[Shudders]'' I remember the raccoon.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Please, Mom, at least look at him.
:'''Annie Hughes''': All right. Where is this guy?
:''[Hogarth turns to the box, but he discovers it empty and the lid opened. Thankfully, his mom didn't notice, because she is busy talking to another waitress.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I will go get him, okay?
:''[He leaves the bar to start looking around the diner under tables. He approaches one with a man behind the newspaper]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Excuse me. Excuse me. Sir? Excuse me--! ''[he brings down the newspaper away from the man's face to find that he is actually sleeping. The man is Dean McCoppin, who wakes up.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': What's that?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Please don't move. My pet's under your table. ''[Dean is about to look underneath]'' Don't look! If you make a scene, my mom won't let me keep him.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': What kind of pet, kid?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': A squirrel. He's friendly.
:''[Then, they hear Earl talking to his friends about what happened to him last night.]''
:'''Earl Stutz''': I'm telling the truth, dang it! It came from outer space. I saw it. And it was headed toward land. I called the government in Washington about it. Maybe it was a Sputnik or an invader from Mars. That's what it is. It's an invader from Mars! A spaceship of some kind. An unidentified flying object.
:'''Patron''': Unidentified? Knowing you, Earl, I'd say it was either whiskey or beer.
:''[They laugh at him]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Hey. ''[they turn to Dean]'' I saw it too.
:''[The patrons look at Dean suspiciously and turn away]''
:'''Patron''': I rest my case.
:''[They laugh again, Dean sighs in annoyance]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I believe you. What if it is Sputnik? ''[Dean takes off his sunglasses, unbeknown to them, a squirrel looks up Dean's trouser leg]'' Or a flying saucer from [[Mars]]? I bet we could find it.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Sorry, kid. I didn't really see anything. But if we don't stick up for the kooks, who will?
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[walking by]'' Is my son bothering you, sir?
:''[Suddenly, Dean's eyes widen, and he grits his teeth awkwardly.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Yes, I mean No! ''[he bangs the table]'' Call me Dean.
:''[Hogarth and his mom look dumbfounded]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth, you were going to get your pet, honey?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I will, Mom. Right after I finish talking with--
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Dean.
:''[Annie leaves to go back to the bar.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Found your pet.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Where?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': It's in my leg, man. Squirrel's up my pants, Hogarth. I'm trying not to wig out here.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Don't wig out.
:''[Dean begins to jolt uncontrollably]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Okay. He's heading north now. I'm sorry, kid. ''[he gets up from the table and stands in the aisle]'' I'd like to apologize to everyone in advance for this. ''[he unzips the flyer on his pants and the squirrel starts running away the diner, causing the customers and the waitresses and waiters to scream and panic. Annie has seen all, and turns to glare at Dean. Dean places his sunglasses on nervously]'' Check, please.
:''[From Annie's POV, the camera pans to Hogarth who smiles nervously]''
:'''Customer''': It's a rat!
:''[Later, Hogarth cycles down the path back to his home.]''
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:''[Inside Hogarth's house, the phone rings and Hogarth answered it]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hello, this is Hogarth Hughes speaking. Who's calling please?
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Over phone]'' Hogarth, honey, I'm really sorry, but... ''[She was cut off when the waitress comes out of the kitchen. To the waitress]'' Thank you. ''[To Hogarth on phone]'' I need to work late tonight. There's some cold chicken in the icebox. You can have that and some carrots.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I'm way ahead of you, Mom. ''[Opens the bread box]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Over phone]'' Good, I'll make it up to you, okay?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Okay.
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Over phone]'' I love you, honey.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Me too. ''[He's about to hang up.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Over phone]'' And, Hogarth no scary movies, no late snacks, in bed by 8:00.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Got it?
:''[Later that night, Hogarth is watching a black and white movie on TV. The clock reads "8:47"]''
:'''Man on TV''': Why, the porpoise can communicate telepathically, Miss Melon. ''[Hogarth fills the twinkie with whipped cream and eats it.]'' If we can transplant at least 15% of their brain matter into ours we may be able to read minds. ''[Brain is on the floor]'' Darn. A perfectly good brain wasted. ''[To Miss Melon leaving the lab]'' I think you've seen enough. How about a nightcap? Let's say my place.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Rolling his eyes]'' Oh, sheesh.
:'''Miss Melon on TV''': ''[Chuckling]'' I was thinking the same thing. Mind reader.
:'''Man on TV''': ''[Realizing]'' Darn. I seem to have left my keys in the lab. ''[Hogarth eats popcorn, and the man goes back to the lab to get his keys he tries to turn on the light.]'' Hmm. ''[The brain moves slowly on the floor]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Mouthful]'' You're gonna get it.
:''[The man picks up his keys and hears shattering noises as Hogarth hears something]''
:'''Man on TV''': Who's there?
:''[Hogarth goes upstairs and carries his toy gun.]''
:'''Man on TV''': ''[Frightened]'' No! '''''No! No!''''' ''[Hogarth quickly goes downstairs and sees the Brain monster attacks the man on TV but suddenly the TV goes static.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Annoyed]'' Aww, come on! ''[He smacks the TV trying to make it work but no effect]'' Stupid antenna.
:''[Later, Hogarth goes out the window with his flashlight, climbs up the tree, crawls on the roof. The antenna is torn the wooden fence is broken and Hogarth sees giant tracks on the ground.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Shocked and Softly]'' Invaders from [[Mars]]!
:''[Hogarth realizes what is going on so he goes to his bedroom he pulls out his BB toy gun from under his bed, takes out his helmet, the tape, his boots from his toy box, he tapes his flashlight to his BB gun, puts on his boots, his helmet. He looks in the mirror and he salutes himself. He puts his coat on and he goes outside into the night.]''
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:''[In the forest, Hogarth holds his BB gun and his flashlight is on he quietly walks and he sees damaged trees with broken limbs he gulped nervously as he sees more damaged trees then he sees a light spark he pants quietly and he cocks his BB gun he sees the power station he looks around quietly as the giant robot from behind looks around. Then, Hogarth turns around and gasped upon seeing the robot walking he runs and he trips over and sees his BB gun damaged. Hogarth looks on as the robot walks to the power station he picks some metal and eats it. Back at Hogarth's house, Annie comes home and she sees the TV on.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Oh, Hogarth.
:''[Back in the woods the robot continues roaring as Hogarth covers his face. So Annie gets a flashlight and turns it on.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth? Honey? ''[Goes upstairs]''
:''[The robot is still roaring and Hogarth is terrified as he gets up and runs]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Checking his bedroom]'' Hogarth? ''[She realizes that Hogarth's bed is empty; shocked]'' Hogarth?!
:''[As Hogarth runs he stops and thinks he goes to the power station. He sees the power switch he pulls the switch he falls backwards and the power is turned off. The robot falls backwards to the ground Hogarth felt shocked about what happened. Hogarth crawls up the broken tree limb he throws a stone trying to wake him up but no effect. Hogarth climbs on the giant and he throws the stone into the robot's mouth. The robot starts to wake up and Hogarth screamed as the robot gets up and Hogarth runs in fright he sees the car coming.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Scared]'' Help! Help! Stop! Help!
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth? Hogarth!
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Mom!
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Upset]'' What do you think you're doing?! Don't you know better than to wander off at night alone? What if something happened to you?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I'm sorry, Mom.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Oh, don't you ever do that to me again, Hogarth. ''[Hugging him]'' I was so scared. I thought I'd lost you.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Mom? You won't believe this. Something ate our TV antenna.
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Annoyed]'' Oh, Hogarth.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': No! I'm serious! Oh but it's not Sputnik, like Mr. Stutz thought.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': No, it's a robot! No, really, it is! And the robot, it's 100 feet high! And it eats metal!
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Sternly]'' Stop it! Just stop. I'm not... ''[Sighs]'' I'm not in the mood. Come on. Let's go home.
:''[Annie drives Hogarth home, Hogarth felt disappointed that his mother didn't believe him. He looks out the back car window as the robot looks at him.]''
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:''[The scene changes to a classroom where Hogarth is drawing the giant robot he saw earlier as the whole class watches an educational film.]''
:'''Narrator on film''': A peaceful, stay-at-home kind of day in a town very much like your own. But then suddenly without warning. ''[The bomb exploded]'' Atomic holocaust! But how does one survive an atomic attack?
:'''Classroom Boy #1''': ''[To another boy]'' Hey did you hear about crazy Mr. Stutz? He says his boat ran into a sea monster.
:'''Classroom Boy #2''': I heard it was sunk by a meteor.
:'''Classroom Boy #3''': ''[Shaking his head]'' No, no, no. It was a metal meteor. It ate his boat. My dad says-
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Interrupting]'' it wasn't any of those things.
:'''Classroom Boy #2''': ''[Annoyed]'' What would you know about it Poindexter?
:'''Mrs. Tensedge''': ''[Sternly]'' Hogarth! ''[Shushing]'' Don't make me come over there.
:'''Chorus on film''': ''[Singing]'' Hands over your head, Keep low to the ground, Time to duck in cover, The bombs are coming down. ''[The bomb exploded]'' Duck and cover.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Whispering to his classmates]'' It's about 50 or 60 feet high and it only eats metal.
:'''Classroom Boy #1''': ''[Annoyed, whispering]'' Shut up, you little spaz!
:'''Classroom Boy #3''': It's probably been sent by foreigners to take over the country.
:'''Classroom Boy #2''': Yeah, we should bomb it to smithereens before it does.
:'''Chorus on film''': "Cause all the kids who don't, Will cease to be around.
:''[Hogarth draws a giant robot eating metal.]''
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:''[In a signature/extended edition, we cut outside Chat 'n' Chew diner, where Annie makes Dean some coffee, and Dean is examining a eaten tractor]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': What a nice girl serving coffee to a guy like me.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Particularly, I have the right to refuse the service to anyone. ''[referring to the sign]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': I'm sorry about yesterday. I usually...
:'''Annie Hughes''': Not like that?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[chuckling]'' Right. ''[they chuckle softly]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': It wasn't your fault. Hogarth is... I think he's lonely.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[feeling sympathy]'' Yeah. Well, he's a good kid.
:''[They smile at each other. Earl approaches Dean by placing a hand on his shoulder]''
:'''Earl Stutz''': Hey, c'mon outside. I've got something' to show ya.
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:'''Dean McCoppin''': Thanks for the scrap, Floyd. I can't pay you more, but well, it's-- it's got this um... this large bite out of it.
:'''Floyd''': That's why I'm selling it, it's got a large bite out of it.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[chuckling softly]'' That's... Who could have done this?
:'''Earl Stutz''': I told you what.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Oh, yeah. Strange invaders. ''[he walks to his truck]''
:'''Earl Stutz''': Thanks for believing me. I really did call the government. They're sending someone to take care of the whole thing.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Jeez, Earl. You really are crazy. I mean, who in the hell would the government send?
:''[Answering Dean's question, the scenes changes to someone closing the car with the government seal with "BUREAU OF UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENA". The camera pans up to reveal Kent Mansley, a government agent, who is smoking his pipe. He takes out his ID]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[first words]'' Kent Mansley, United States Government, Unexplained Phenomena department.
:'''Marv''': Marv Loach. I the--
:'''Kent Mansley''': What happened here?
:'''Marv''': Not sure. Sometimes the line'll snap if the weather is bad, sure. ''[Marv and Kent walk through the wreckage of the power station]'' But for a whole tower to get twisted up like that... It's got me beat. It's almost like it was bitten off by some enormous beast.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[writing the notes down]'' Enormous beast, yeah. What do you think? Escaped gorilla?
:'''Marv''': Err, what department is that again?
:'''Kent Mansley''': Frankly, I'm not at liberty to reveal the particulars of the agency I work for, and all that-that implies.
:'''Marv''': You mean the ''[softly]'' national security?
:'''Kent Mansley''': Let's put it this way. Once in a while, things happen, that can't be rationalized in a conventional way. People wanna know that their government has a response. I am that response. So were there any witnesses?
:'''Marv''': Well, sir, if you'll just follow me. ''[Kent follows Marv to his truck. Marv opens his truck and takes out what's left of Hogarth's BB Gun.]'' We did find this. ''[Kent examines the damaged BB Gun]'' United States Government, huh? Guess that means something big's happening here, eh?
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[he chuckles as he enters his car]'' Biggest thing here is probably the homecoming queen-- ''[Kent notices as the camera zooms out, his car has a chunk bitten out]'' '''OH MY<big>''GOD!''</big>''' ''[He jumps out, terrified, and his fedora falls off. He then quickly runs back to the power station. After he left, the giant robot's arm emerges from the trees. Kent is escorting Marv to his car.]'' Come on, Marv, I need a witness. It's around the corner.
:'''Marv''': Don't pull so hard.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[panicking]'' It's like a big "chomp" out of the side of the car. It's like a bite out of a ham sandwich, like a--
:''[he became lost for words when his car is no longer there. Only his fedora and the BB gun remains]''
:'''Marv''': ''[confused]'' What err- What are we looking at here, Mr. Manley?
:'''Kent Mansley''': Something big, Marv. ''[he picks up the damaged BB gun]'' Something big.
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:''[The scene changes to Hogarth walking to the woods while carrying metal and has a camera around his neck.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Calling]'' Hello! Come out! Hey, big metal guy, I got food here for you! Metal! Crunchy, delicious metal! Come and get it!
:''[Hogarth puts down the metal and runs then he kneels behind the tree limb. He pulls the camera scanning and he waits for minutes. He wipes the flashbulb with a white paper towel. Then the camera flashed and Hogarth placed his hand on his eyes. Moments later, he felt bored as he lies down on the tree limb. Then suddenly, he wakes up as he hears giant footsteps approaching he pulls out the camera as he sees the small torn tree. Then Hogarth sees the metal and he gasped, his eyes widen as he looks up to the giant robot. He runs in fright as the robot starts to follow him. Hogarth continues to run, until he run into a tree limb which knocks him to the ground and his nose bleeds as the giant robot approached him. Hogarth looks up at the giant robot as he sits down in front of him as the ground shook and Hogarth cringes in fear. Hogarth stretches his legs out and the robot does the same.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Calmly]'' So I guess you're not gonna hurt me, huh?
:''[The giant robot holds his hand out as Hogarth cringed and gasped. It reveals the shut off switch that landed on the ground.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Surprised]'' The shutoff switch. ''[To giant]'' You saw me save you. ''[The giant looked at him innocently]'' So where are you from? You came from the sky, right? From up there? Don't you remember anything? Hmm, maybe it's that bump from your head. ''[The robot placed his finger on his head, feeling the dent.]'' Do you talk? You know, words? "Blah, blah, blah," like that? Can you do that? Blah blah blah?
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[first words as rusty voice]'' Blah, blah, blah.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Well, you get the idea anyway. Let's see. ''[Picks up rock and shows him]'' See this? This is called the rock. Rock.
:'''Iron Giant''': Rock.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Good.
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Picks up a boulder]'' Rock?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Yes.
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Picks up a tree]'' Rock!
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': No, no. That is a tree. ''[Points to boulder]'' Rock. ''[Points to tree]'' Tree. Get it?
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Looks at boulder]'' Rock. ''[Looks at tree]'' Tree.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': That's right! ''[To himself]'' Wow, my own giant robot, I am now the luckiest kid in America! This is unbelievable. This is the greatest discovery since, I don't know, television or something. I gotta tell someone. I should call-- No, they'll panic. ''[To giant]'' People will always wig out and start shooting when they see something big like you.
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Confused]'' Hmm?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Wig out. It means crazy. You know like... ''[Makes a crazy face and the robot mimics him]'' No, no! Don't do that! That's the kind of stuff that makes them shoot at you.
:''[The scene switches to the office where Kent Mansley has a meeting.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Two nights ago, at approximately 1900 hours, sat com radar detected an unidentified object entering Earth's atmosphere losing contact with it 2 1/2 miles of the coast of Rockwell. Some assumed it was a large meteor or a downed satellite. But my office in Washington received a call from someone who reported an actual encounter with the object. This is no meteor, gentlemen. This is something much more serious. So...
:''[The scene switches back to the woods]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Continuing]'' So, we can't call '''[[w:Ripley's Believe It or Not!: The Animated Series|Ripley's Believe It or Not!]]''' because they wouldn't believe it. And uh...oh it's getting dark and if I don't get home soon, Mom's gonna wonder where I am and if she comes looking for me and sees you, then we got a screaming problem again. So for now, would you, you know, just...just stay here, okay? I'll come back tomorrow. ''[The robot stands up and Hogarth looks up seeing how tall he is; awed]'' Wow. Well, goodbye. ''[He walks away and the robot starts to follow him.]'' No, no. Me go. You stay. No following. Good. ''[But the robot does follow him anyway; Frustrated]'' I told you! I'll come back tomorrow! Now, stay! ''[The giant doesn't listen]'' No, No, No! Bad robot!
:''[The camera pans to Hogarth walking home as the giant follows him. Hogarth shakes his head and turns to the robot.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Look, you can't go stomping around and you can't come with me. My mom will wig out. ''[The robot makes a face and laughs]'' That's right. So you have got to stay in the forest, and I'll bring you some food tomorrow. But I gotta go home now. So goodbye. ''[Hogarth is about to walk home then he stops and sees the robot kneeling down to the train tracks.]'' Hey! ''[The robot is about to eat half of the train track]'' Hey, wait a minute! ''[The giant stops to look at him]'' What do you think you're doing? Look at this mess! ''[Then suddenly the crossing bell goes off and Hogarth hears a train coming]'' ''[Scared]'' Oh no. ''[To giant]'' Put it back! Put it back right now! Help me I need your help! Good, good! ''[The robot puts the track back on the ground and Hogarth sees the approaching train]'' Oh yeah, put them together. See? Like this. This one here, that one there. ''[The robot fixes the track]'' Okay, over, over. Good, good. Now the other one. Okay, good enough. Let's go!
:''[Hogarth runs but he stops and sees the train is about hit the robot]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Shocked]'' What the? ''[Runs to the robot]'' That's fine! Leave it alone! The train is coming! ''[The robot finishes fixing the track; frightened]'' Come on let's go!
:''[The robot gasped upon seeing the train approach him as Hogarth reacts in horror and he jumps to the ground cringing. The crash is heard and Hogarth sees the crashed train. The robot lands on the ground and his body parts land as well.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Oh no, no, no. ''[The robot gets up]'' You're alive! ''[To giant]'' Look, I've changed my mind. You can follow me home. OK? Let's go!
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:''[The scene switches to the Mayor's office the phone rang and the Mayor answers it]''
:'''Mayor''': Mayor's office. ''[Shocked]'' What? A train accident?
:'''Kent Mansley''': And you report seeing anything unusual. ''[Then he stops and realizes]''
:'''Mayor''': ''[On phone]'' What do you mean he hit a giant creature? What creature could be big enough to-- ''[she was interrupted when Kent snatches the phone.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[listening on the phone. He turns and points to one of the associates]'' I need your car.
:''[Outside of City Hall Kent Mansley takes the car and drives away. The scene switches outside of Hogarth's home where the robot goes in the shed. Hogarth watches as the body parts put the robot back together. The jaw bolt approaches the robot and he picks it up to his jaw. He moves his jaw then he smiled at Hogarth.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Amazed]'' Wow. You can fix yourself? Neat-o! ''[He sees his mom come home]'' Uh oh, Mom's home. Just stay here, Okay? I'll be back. Bye! ''[Closes the shed door]''
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Waving]'' Bye. ''[He sees his hand is missing]''
:''[The scene switches to the investigation of the train wreck. Kent is talking to the two engineers.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': What happened here?
:'''Engineer #1''': Go on. Tell him what you saw, Frank.
:'''Engineer #2''': You're not gonna believe this. But it was a giant metal man.
:''[Kent stands up and he lights his pipe to smoke.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Does anybody know where I can get to a phone nearby? ''[One of the engineers points to Hogarth's house]''
:''[The scene switches to the dining room where Annie and Hogarth have dinner.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Would you say grace please?
:''[Hogarth puts down the spoon and he's about to say grace then he sees the robot's hand in the kitchen.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Oh, my God! ''[Hesitantly]'' Uh... O my God...we thank you... for the food, uh...food...that...Mom has put in front of us and-- Stop! ''[Annie looks at him]'' Uh, the devil! From doing bad things? And uh-- get out of here! Uh... Satan! Go! Go...so...that we may live in peace. Amen.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Amen. That was...hmm...really unusual, Hogarth.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Quickly]'' Forgot to wash my hands. ''[leaves the table]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Well, OK.
:''[Hogarth checks the kitchen then he goes in the living room and he sees the robot's hand watching TV. Hogarth quickly shuts off the TV and he's about to pull it out of the living room but he sees his mom in the kitchen.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Softly]'' Stop, Stop! All right. Come on. Over here.
:''[Annie is in the dining room as Hogarth stays quiet the robot's hand bumps from behind him and he pushes it away. He mutters to himself then he pulls out a coin from his pocket then he throws it to the spice rack in the kitchen. Annie goes to the kitchen and Hogarth pulls the robot's hand to the door.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Softly]'' Come on, over here, Come on, Yeah.
:''[Hogarth opens the door and sees Kent Mansley.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Hey there, scout. Kent Mansley. I work for the government. ''[Hogarth quickly closed the door and he gasped]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth? ''[Kent knocks and rings the doorbell]'' Hogarth? ''[Hogarth opens the door]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Hey there, scout. Kent Mansley. ''[frowns]'' Work for the government. Your parents home?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': We're eating.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Mmm, boy.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Who's there, honey?
:'''Kent Mansley''': Oh, hello there. Do you have a telephone I could use?
:'''Annie Hughes''': Yes, there's one in the kitchen.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Well, thank you. Thank you very much. ''[To Hogarth]'' Here. ''[Puts his hat on Hogarth's head]'' Pretend you're a gangster. ''[Chuckling]''
:''[The scene changes to General Rogard talking on the phone at home, watching TV.]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[Annoyed on phone]'' Dammit Mansley. You call me at home for this?
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Over phone]'' You don't understand sir. It ate my car.
:'''General Rogard''': ''[Over phone]'' And you saw this happen?
:'''Kent Mansley''': No, I didn't actually see it. It went off into the woods.
:'''General Rogard''': So you don't have any evidence?
:'''Kent Mansley''': But sir, I've got an eyewitness!
:'''General Rogard''': An eyewitness with a concussion.
:'''Kent Mansley''': This thing- ''[Softly]'' This thing is a menace. It tore up the power station. It caused a train wreck!
:'''General Rogard''': What did? ''[Sternly]'' Tell me again, Mansley, and this time...listen to yourself.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Sighs]'' A giant metal monster. ''[Rogard laughs on phone; Kent sees a funny face oven mitt staring at him. Kent turns it away, embarrassed.]'' Please sir. I've got a feeling about this one.
:'''General Rogard''': That's lovely, Kent. But let me try to explain how this works. If you told me you'd found, say, a giant footprint...I might sent over an expert to make a plaster cast of it. ''[Angrily]'' Hell! You get me a photograph of this thing and I could probably get some troops over there! But you tell me you've got a feeling?
:'''Kent Mansley''': All right then, fine. You want evidence? I'll get you evidence. And when I do, I'm gonna want a memo distributed.
:'''General Rogard''': That sounds swell. ''[Slowly hangs up the phone]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Slowly]'' I'll want the memo carbon-copied and redistributed- ''[The dial tone is heard and he hangs his head as he tries hanging up the phone he growls and mutters with frustration and Annie and Hogarth look at him. Kent hangs up the phone in a proper way as he shows composure,]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Hi. Thanks for the use of your phone.
:''[Kent goes outside the door.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Well, thank you for the use of your phone, Mrs...?
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hughes. Annie Hughes. And this is my son Hogarth.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Leaving]'' Thank you, Annie. Hobart.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Annoyed]'' That's Hogarth. ''[to himself, quietly]'' Jerk.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Starts his car]'' Hogarth? What an embarrassing name. Might as well call him Zeppo or something. What kind of a sick person would name a kid Hogar--? ''[He stops and he sees Hogarth's damaged BB gun, with the remaining words "HOG HUG"]'' Hog Hug. <big>'''Hogag!?'''</big> <big><big>'''''Hogarth Hughes!'''''</big></big> ''[Stops the car]''
:''[Knocking is heard and Hogarth answers the door.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Annoyed]'' Kent Mansley. You work for the government
:'''Kent Mansley''': I wasn't gonna say that. I have something for you, Hogarth. ''[Hands him the damaged BB gun]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[To Hogarth]'' Your BB gun. ''[To Kent]'' Where did you find that?
:'''Kent Mansley''': Up at the power station.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth was out there the other night.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Really? See anything unusual, Hogarth?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Shaking his head]'' Nothing...unusual, really. ''[He hears the toilet flushing that came from upstairs]'' Gotta use the bathroom.
:''[Hogarth runs upstairs and Kent felt suspicious. Hogarth opens the bathroom door and he sees the robots's hand rolling the toilet paper. He gasped upon seeing it.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Strange, he's so tightlipped now and the other night he couldn't stop talking. I mean, 100-foot-robots and whatnot.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Chuckling]'' A 100-foot robot? That's nutty! What else did he say?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[From upstairs]'' No, wait, stop!
:'''Annie Hughes''': Excuse me.
:''[Hogarth is trying to push the robot's hand out the bathroom window.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Knocking]'' Hogarth? What is going on in there? Are you all right?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Groaning]'' I'm fine.
:'''Kent Mansley''': You know. this sort of thing is why it's so important to really chew your food. :''[Annie glares at him]''
:''[Hogarth pushed the hand out of the window which it lands on the ground.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth? ''[Hogarth zips down his pants]'' Hogarth? ''[Opens the door]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Mom! ''[Annie exclaimed seeing Hogarth sitting on the toilet]'' A little privacy?!
:'''Annie Hughes''': Sorry. ''[As she closes the door it hits Kent, who yelped in pain; to Kent]'' Sorry. He's been acting strange lately.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[rubbing where the door hit him]'' That hurt.
:''[Hogarth sighs in relief then he stands up and zips up his pants. He sees the robot's hand go to the shed. Kent leaves the house and goes to his car]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Thank you, again Annie. Good night Hogarth. I'm sure we'll see each other real soon.
:''[Kent gets in his car and he drives away then Hogarth and Annie go back inside the house.]''
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:''[The giant robot is asleep in the shed and he wakes up as Hogarth comes in with a flashlight and comic books]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': If you're gonna stay here, you gotta keep better track of yourself. Sheesh. Anyway, I thought you'd like, you know, a bedtime story or something. I've got some really cool ones. ''[Showing the robot comic books]'' '''[[w:Mad (magazine)|Mad Magazine]]''', very funny. The Spirit, very cool. Boy's Life? ''[Shrugging]'' Ehh. Oh, here. ''[Shows him the '''[[Superman]]''' comic book]'' This guy is '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. Sure, he's famous now...but he started off just like you. Crash-landed on Earth. Didn't know what he was doing. But he only uses his powers for good, never for evil. ''[Puts down the comic book]'' Remember that. ''[The robot felt curious as he looks at the Atomo comic book.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': Hmm. ''[Hogarth sees the Atomo comic book]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Oh, that's Atomo, the metal menace. He's not the hero, He's the villain. He's not like you. You're a good guy. Like '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. ''[he places the '''[[Superman]]''' comic book over the Atomo comic book to get the giant's mind off Atomo]''
:'''Iron Giant''': '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. ''[He feels his stomach rumbling]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': You're hungry, aren't you?
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Nodding]'' Mmm-hmm.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': But I don't have any metal here. Just follow me.
:''[The scene switches where Hogarth climbs on the robot's hand.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Pick me up, okay? ''[The robot stands up and he holds up Hogarth he sees the night sky; awed]'' Wow. Okay, now march! ''[The robot starts walking and Hogarth looks down to the ground below]'' Whoo! Yee-haw!
:''[As the robot continues walking with Hogarth in his hand he sees the town of Rockwell.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Curiously]'' Hmm?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Oh, yeah. That's Rockwell. Nice place huh?
:'''Iron Giant''': Rockwell?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Yes, I was born right down there.
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Walks fast happily]'' Rockwell! ''[Laughing]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Yelling]'' Stop! No, stop! Look out for the cow! Come on, no not there! Please stop. No stop! ''[Calmly]'' We can't go there yet. People aren't just ready for you.
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Sadly]'' Awww. ''[Walks away from the town]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': That was close. We can't go running around like that, okay?
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Nodding]'' Mmm.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Sees the used car]'' Hey, look!
:'''Iron Giant''': Hmm?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I guess that would be okay to eat. It's been there for months. ''[Sees the tow truck coming]'' ''[Shocked]'' Oh no, we gotta hide! You know hide! It's when you-- You know, when you-- Just get behind something, quick! ''[As the tow truck approaches Hogarth hides behind the robot's head; quietly]'' Don't move.
:''[Dean hooks the used car as the robot pretends to be a picture on the billboard. Hogarth comes out from behind the robot's head he see's the McCoppin Scrap tag he smiled as he gets an idea. As Dean drives away with the old car. The robot tries to get the old car and he sighed]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Our troubles are over.
:''[The robot and Hogarth arrive at the McCoppin scrap yard. The robot felt happy upon seeing lots of scraps.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': This is it. All you can eat.
:''[The robot eats the scraps of metal, he picks up the old car and the horn goes off. Hogarth covers his ears.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Shh, Turn it off! ''[The robot sits on the car then he crushes it with his fist.]'' Come on, just turn it off! ''[The robot throws the damaged car to the distance. This causes the lights in Dean's warehouse to turn on]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[Comes outside with a crowbar]'' All right, who's out there? ''[See's Hogarth outside his door]'' Hey, I know you. Squirrel boy.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hogarth.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': By night, known as Hogarth. Got it. Well come on inside, kid. Sorry about the crowbar. :''[Hogarth comes in Dean's house and looks around]'' You'd be surprised how many people wanna steal scrap. But, man, once I turn it into art, I can't give it away. I mean, what am I? A junkman who sells art or an artist that sells junk? You tell me.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I like it, I think. Listen you're not gonna call my mom, are you? She doesn't know I'm out.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Don't worry kid. Look, it's not my style to report a guy to the authorities. ''[outside the window he waves to Hogarth and he quickly closed the shade.]'' I'm gonna have some coffee. What do you want, some milk, or what? Milk?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Coffee's fine. ''[Dean looks at him]'' Yeah, I drink it. I'm hip.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': I don't know. This is espresso, you know? It's like coffee-zilla.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I said, I'm hip. ''[Dean shrugs as he starts to make coffee]'' ''[A bit later, Hogarth speaks rapidly under the effects of espresso]'' So she moved me up a grade because I wasn't fitting in, so now I'm even more not fitting in. I was getting good grades, you know? Like all A's. So my mom said, "You need stimulation," and I go, "No I'm not stimulated enough right now!"
:'''Dean McCoppin''': That's for sure.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Continuing]'' So she goes "Uh-uh. You don't have a challenge." So now I'm challenged, all right. I'm challenged to hold on to my lunch money, because all of the big mooses who wanna pound me because I'm the shrimpy dork who thinks I'm smarter than them. But I don't think I'm smarter I just do stupid homework! If everyone else just did the stupid homework, they could move up a grade and get pounded too. Is there anymore coffee?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Look, it's really none of my business kid, but who cares what those creeps think, you know? They don't decide who you are. You do. You are who you choose to be, ''[The crashing sound is heard from outside; shocked]'' Did you hear that?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': No, wait. Stop!
:''[Dean comes out of his home with a crowbar in his hand, he looks around. Then, he turns around and suddenly caught sight of the giant on the other side of his warehouse.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': It's okay.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Oh, my god.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': He isn't gonna-
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[panicking; grabs Hogarth]'' '''''Run, kid! Run!'''''
:''[They run off, Dean's voice attracts the giant's attention and he jumps up angrily. The giant lands in front of them, they run the opposite way]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': It's okay, he isn't-- ''[he was cut off when the giant slams his hand in their way. They turn around and they trip]'' It's okay, he isn't gonna hurt me.
:''[Suddenly, the giant grabs hold of Dean by the collar of his nightgown]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Whoa! Hey, hey! ''[he gasps when the giant raises him high]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Don't squash him! No, don't! Do not! ''[the giant narrows his eyes at Dean, then he looks at Hogarth, confused]'' Squash him. His name is Dean We like Dean ''[the giant draws his attention back to Dean, but this time, he didn't narrow his eyes]''
:'''Iron Giant''': Dean. ''[Dean cowers in fear]''
:''[A little later, Dean sees the Giant eating some metal junk and shakes with fear as he is about to take a sip of his coffee]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': So...where'd, uh-- Where'd he come from?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': He doesn't remember. He's like a... little kid.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Little. Yeah. ''[starts chuckling, then stops]'' Wait a minute. You can talk to him?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Kinda. He can't say a lot of words yet, but he understand things pretty good.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Oh, yeah, I see.
:''[Hogarth and Dean start chuckling as the Giant is still eating some metal junk, then they stop]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': He needs food and shelter. ''[Dean has a blank expression on his face, he silently gets up from his chair, pours his coffee onto the ground, and walks back into his office, slamming the door, cutting the screen to black. A caption reading "37 minutes later" appears in the middle of the screen, we cut to Hogarth is still pleading to Dean to let the Giant stay in the junkyard, but to no avail, and sun begins to rise.]'' You got plenty of room here. This place is perfect!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Go away.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I ''can'' have him push the door down. You know I can!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[finally tired of Hogarth's pleading; opens the door]'' Hogarth! I-I-I can't hide it ''here!''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''Him.'' Not it.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Whatever. You don't even know where ''he'' came from, or-or-or what the Hell ''he'' is!
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''He's'' my friend.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Yeah, yeah. What am I? Am I your friend? ''[starts walking back in to his office]'' Bring some Franken-bot with out-of-state plates over here and make me change ''my'' tune. I don't like that jazz. ''[lays down on his couch]'' God, I'm tired.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': So, he can stay?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Tonight. Tomorrow-- I-I don't know about tomorrow.
:''[Hogarth closes the door and breathes a sigh of relief]''
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:''[As daylight approaches Hogarth kicks the can and the robot is asleep. Hogarth walks up to the robot.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Sleep tight. I'll see you tomorrow. ''[Leaves the junkyard]''
:''[Hogarth comes into his bedroom through his open window feeling tired. He takes off his shoes and jacket then he's about to get in his bed. Then Annie opens the door.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': You're up already?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Just making the bed.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Well, that's nice. Come downstairs. I have a surprise for you.
:''[A tired Hogarth comes down stairs with different clothes on. He walks into the rented room and Kent is reading the newspaper.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Morning, sport. ''[he puts down the newspaper, revealing himself]'' Sleep well?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Mom?
:'''Annie Hughes''': Isn't it wonderful Hogarth? We finally rented our room.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Groans in disgust]'' I'm not very hungry. ''[Walks away, leaving Annie confused and Kent suspicious.]''
:''[The scene switches to Dean in his house he opens the door and see's the robot.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Oh, yeah.
:''[Back at Hogarth's house the phone rang and Hogarth answers it.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hello, this is Hogarth Hughes speaking. Who's calling please?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[Over phone]'' I said he could stay for the night, kid. But it's morning now.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Through clenched-teeth]'' Look, I'll try to come over. OK? But there's this weird guy here who's watching me. ''[Kent opens the door and grins at Hogarth.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[Over phone]'' What? What's that supposed to mean? I got this big, giant-- Giant thing out here.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I can't talk right now, okay? Bye. ''[Hangs up the phone]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Who was that, sport? Friend of yours?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Yeah. He's a new kid.
:''[Dean hangs up the phone and sees the robot outside eating one of metal scraps.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop! Stop that! Stop it! ''[He trips on the floor]''
:''[Hogarth comes downstairs]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Hey, mind if I ask you a few questions, buckaroo? ''[In the living room]'' Now, why would you tell your mom about a giant robot Slugger? ''[In the kitchen and he's eating a sandwich]'' What'd you see at the power station huh? ''[In the hallway upstairs]'' Tell anyone else Buddy? ''[In the rented room]'' How big is this thing Ranger? ''[In the bathroom]'' Been in the forest lately? Champ? Slugger? Hey, Cowboy? Where are you going?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Exasperated]'' '''I'm going ''out!''''' ''[Takes his jacket]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Why don't you take Mr. Mansley with you? Show him the sights.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Aww, Mom! The sights?
:'''Kent Mansley''': Hey, I'd love that. Give us a chance to get acquainted, swap some stories. Huh, Chief?
:''[The scene switches to the junkyard where Dean talks to the robot.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': There are two kinds of metal in this yard. Scrap and art. If you gotta eat one of them, eat the scrap. What you currently have-- ''[Yelling angrily]'' <big><big><big>'''''IN YOUR MOUTH'' IS ''ART'''''</big></big></big>!!
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Takes the art scrap out of his mouth]'' Art?
:''[Dean looks at him annoyed. The robot tries to repair the sculpture]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Forget it. Forget it! ''[The robot puts down the damaged sculpture on the ground.]'' It's gone. It's-- Hmm, it's not bad.
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:''[Hogarth is inside the Pharmacy talking to Kent while having sundaes.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': First, you take the chocolate bar. Any bar'll do.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Oh.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Do you mind if I...
:'''Kent Mansley''': No, knock yourself out, skipper.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Crumbles up coca-lax]'' You crumble up the chocolate into little pieces. ''[Stirs the ice cream]'' Then you kind of stir it into the ice cream. See?
:'''Kent Mansley''': Yes, I see. What do you call this again?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Landslide. It's new. Very new. ''[He drops the coca-lax wrapper into the garbage without Kent looking]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Mmm. Landslide. Topnotch. Mmm. ''[Hogarth makes himself a Landslide with a regular chocolate bar]'' You know, Hogarth, we live in a strange and wondrous time. The Atomic Age. But there's a dark side to progress, Hogarth. Ever heard of Sputnik?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Yeah, it's the first satellite in space.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Foreign satellite, Hogarth, and all that implies. Even now, it orbits overhead-- Boop! Boop!--watching us. We can't see it, but it's there. Much like that giant thing in the woods. We don't know what it is or what it can do. I don't feel safe, Hogarth do you?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Puzzled; angrily]'' What are you talking about?
:'''Kent Mansley''': What am I talking about? ''[Losing patience, yelling]'' '''''What am I talking about?!''''' ''[His yelling causing everyone to turn and stare at Kent. Kent slowly begins to corner Hogarth.]'' '''''I'm talking about your goldarned security, Hogarth!''''' While you're snoozing in your widdle jammies, back in Washington we're wide awake and worried! Why? Because everyone wants what we have Hogarth! Everyone! You think this metal man is fun. But who built it? The [[Russians]]? The [[Chinese]]? Martians? [[Canadians]]? '''''I don't care!''''' All I know is we didn't build it, and that's reason enough to assume the worst and blow it to kingdom come! Now, you are going to tell me about this thing, you are going to lead me to it, and we are going to destroy it before <big>'''''it''' destroys '''us!'''''</big> ''[Suddenly, Kent's stomach begins to gurgle, causing his glare to fade away and his eyes to widen]'' Just hold that thought and stay right there! Uh-oh! ''[He rushes to the bathroom and the camera quickly pans to reveal Hogarth left the Pharmacy]''
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:''[Hogarth rides his bike to the junkyard as he runs to Dean and the robot. The robot is doing an art piece.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[To robot]'' Little lower, Little bit lower.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hey! I thought you were in trouble.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': That sucks. Let me...up a little.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I had to ditch this weird guy who's staying at our house. It took me hours to shake him! I kill myself to get out here! And you have him doing...''[Sees the robot doing the arts, Surprised]'' arts and crafts.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': You got a problem with arts and crafts, little man?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': He's a giant robot, Dean. It's a little undignified.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Yeah? Oh, well smart guy, what would have him do?
:''[Hogarth smiles then we see Hogarth wearing a helmet and he's in the car.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Main systems on. Main engines. ''[Pushing the buttons]'' One, two and three. All systems go. ''[The robot lifts up the car]'' Five, four, three, two, one! Blast off!
:''[The robot spins him around as Hogarth yells comically. The robot spins him faster as Hogarth's helmet flew off his head.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': We're landing. We're landing! We're landing!
:''[The scene changes where Hogarth and the robot are sitting. Hogarth felt tired and sighed. The robot also sighed.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Say kid, can you guys cool yourselves a little? I feel like we're pressing our luck here.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hey, baby, we are cool! Welcome to downtown Coolsville. Population: us.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Well, can you move Coolsville to some place less conspicuous?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': How about the lake?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Okay. ''[Hogarth climbs on the robot's hand]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Aww, come with us. It'll be fun.
:''[The robot wiggles his finger as Dean looks at him. Meanwhile, Kent is talking to a farmer he shows him the truck that was half eaten and a damaged solo next to his barn. The farmer also showed him the damaged trees and the west side of his property. Kent took notes on the destruction then he felt his bowels he turns to look at him then the farmer pointed to the outhouse. Deep in the woods Kent comes across the boulders and the uprooted tree. Then he turns to see the shut off power switch he kneels down and he felt his bowels again he uses the bushes. He felt exhausted, until he sees Hogarth's camera hanging from the tree branch and takes it. The scene changes to where Hogarth, Dean, and the giant robot are at the lake. Hogarth is wearing his blue swim trunks.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[whilst setting up his chair; concerned]'' This can't last forever Hogarth. We gotta tell somebody about him.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Ah, you worry too much. ''[He climbs up the rock boulder]'' Hey, Dean! Watch this!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[Sits down on his chair]'' All right, we're watching, we're watching.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': This one's for professionals only! ''[Jumps in the lake]'' Banzai! ''[The robot looks down at Hogarth in the lake. Hogarth emerges from the water, shivering with his skin turning blue]'' Come on in! The water's great!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': No, thanks.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': You weenie! ''[To robot]'' Come on in. It's really, really refreshing. ''[The robot walks away]'' What? You too? You... ''big '''baby!''''' ''[He hears footsteps approaching and Dean also hears the footsteps while reading the newspaper.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Jumps]'' '''''Banzai!''''' ''[He lands in the water and did a giant splash. Dean, who is reading his newspaper, notices the wave approaches, he gasps and hides behind his newspaper. The wave lands on the road and Dean gets all wet. Hogarth is on the tree as he laughs.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': '''''Whoo!'''''
:''[Dean is on the washed road as the truck approaches him.]''
:'''Truck Driver''': ''[Angry]'' Hey!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Yeah?
:'''Truck Driver''': You're right in the middle of the road!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''Yeah?''
:'''Truck Driver''': All right. ''[Drives away]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': I think that's enough fun for one day.
:''[The scene switches to where Kent is in the bathroom with red lighting at Hogarth's house he hangs the drying photos from Hogarth's camera then he hears knocking.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Are you okay in there, Mr. Mansley? I'm back with the toilet paper you needed.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Chuckles]'' Thanks! I think I'm feeling better now. Much. ''[He sees the photo of Hogarth and the giant robot]'' Much better.
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:''[The scene changes where Hogarth and the giant robot are in the woods. The giant robot sighed happily.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': It's beautiful, huh? ''[Sees the deer]'' Hey, look! ''[Quietly]'' It's a deer. Shh, let's get closer.
:''[The giant robot walks quietly to the deer. The deer sees the robot and Hogarth. The robot kneels down holding out his finger Hogarth and robot smiled as the deer curiously sniffs the robot's finger. Then the deer hears the twig snaps and it leaves.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hmm, well I guess he decided to-- ''[Suddenly the gunshot is heard and the robot is shocked]''
:''[It was the hunters they turn to see the robot behind the trees.]''
:'''Hunter''': ''[Scared]'' It's the monster. ''[Then they both run away from the robot as Hogarth and the robot sees the dead deer that has been shot]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Shocked]'' Oh, no. ''[The robot slowly reaches his finger down touching it trying to get to move]'' It's dead.
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Sadly]'' Dead? ''[He tries to pick up the deer]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Don't do that!
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Confused]'' But...why?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': It's dead. Understand? They shot it, with that gun. ''[The robot sees the gun his eyes narrow and turned into red]'' Hey, what's wrong? ''[The robot snaps out of it]''
:'''Iron Giant''': Gun.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Yes. Guns kill.
:'''Iron Giant''': Guns kill.
:''[Later that night, the camera pans where the robot and Hogarth are at the junkyard. The robot felt very sad about the deer. Hogarth walks up to him.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I know you feel bad about the deer. But's it not your fault. Things die. It's part of life. It's bad to kill. But it's not bad to die.
:'''Iron Giant''': You die?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Well, yes someday.
:'''Iron Giant''': I die?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': I don't know, You're made of metal...but you have feelings. And you think about things. And that means you have a soul. And souls don't die.
:'''Iron Giant''': Soul?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Mom says it's something inside of all good things... and that it goes on forever and ever.
:''[Hogarth pats the robot's face and walks away. The robot lies on the scraps and he looks up at the night sky.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': '''Souls don't die.'''
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:''[In a signature/extended edition, Dean is sleeping as a late-night-show plays on the TV]''
:'''[[Jack Paar]]''': You're very kind. Thank you so much. You ever seen a better picture than that? Look at those details. This is the famous 60 second Polaroid land camera. Seeing the results on the spot... ''[the robot twitches in his sleep]'' In 60 seconds... ''[the robot still twitches]'' You know, if you... ''[the robot continues twitching]''
:''[The scene switches the robot, who is dreaming, and Dean's TV begins acting strange]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[echoes]'' Don't you remember anything?
:''[The screen switches to the dream that the robot is having as the robot comes closer to the deer, then it flashes to the power station exploding and flashes back to the deer passing out and flashes to the pile of scraps falling to the floor and flashing to Hogarth saving the robot by shutting the switch off]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[echoes]'' You saw me save you.
:''[The scene changes to the robot falling down and the sky panning down to a futuristic-like city getting destroyed]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[echoes]'' You came from the sky, right?
:''[The camera fades to an army of giant robots looking identical to the giant marching to a destroyed city and the camera pans to a puddle with a reflection of the giant with activated weapons about to fire]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[echoes]'' You don't even know where "he" came from. Or what the hell "he" is!
:''[Dean wakes up and sees the dream that the giant is having as the screen switches to a dying planet that explodes]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[echoes]'' Guess you're not gonna hurt me.
:''[The robot wakes up and yells as the screen on Dean's TV changes back to normal, and Dean looks out the window and wonders if the robot is okay with the robot going back to sleep]''
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:''[Meanwhile, Hogarth rode his bike home before he goes in the shed parking his bike. Kent is in there waiting for him]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': You're late for dinner, Hogarth. ''[Hogarth runs trying to escape from him but he was trapped so Kent locked the door.]'' Your mom's working late tonight, Hogarth. So it's just us guys. And we're gonna have a little chat. ''[Shoves Hogarth in the chair]'' Sit down! ''[Shines on the light]'' How's that? A little too bright? Good. ''[Chuckling]'' Forgive me, Hogarth. I wanted you to learn something.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': What can I learn from you?
:'''Kent Mansley''': You can learn this, Hogarth. That I can do anything I want, whenever I want, if I feel it's in the people's best interest. The giant metal man, where is it?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Annoyed]'' I don't know what you're talking about.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Depressed]'' You don't? Well, does this ring a bell? ''[Lays down a photo of the aluminum]'' No? How about this? ''[Lays down a photo of Hogarth and the giant robot]'' You've been careless, Hogarth.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Angrily]'' It doesn't prove anything.
:'''Kent Mansley''': It's enough to get the Army here with one phone call.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Angrily]'' Then what's stopping you?
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Angrily getting into Hogarth's face; whilst smacking the lamp out of the way]'' <big><big>'''''WHERE'S THE GIANT?!'''''</big></big> ''[Grabs Hogarth by the jaw]'' You can't protect him, Hogarth, anymore than you can protect your mother.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': My mom?
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Sighs]'' It's difficult to raise a boy all alone. We can make it more difficult. Unless, we can make it so difficult it would be irresponsible for us to leave you in her care, and all that implies. You'll be taken away from her, Hogarth.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': You can't do that!
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Smiling evilly]'' Oh, we can. And we will.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': He's in the junkyard. McCoppin's Scrap, off Culver Road.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Smiling evilly as she could]'' Ah, the junkyard. Of course! Food for the metal-eater. I wouldn't worry about this, Hogarth. It isn't really happening. This is only a bad dream. ''[Kent shoves a chloroform rag on Hogarth's mouth. leaving him unconscious]''
:''[The scene switches to Hogarth in bed hearing voices then he wakes up hearing Kent talking on the phone.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[On phone]'' Yes, sir. This thing is real, sir. I not only have incontrovertible evidence, General. I know where it's hidden. I don't know who built it, but it's here. It's massive and we're running out of time. ''[Hogarth gets out of his bed and he listens to Kent talk on the phone]'' There's no doubt we should act. The only question sir is, Can you afford not to? Excellent, sir. You won't regret it. Thank you, sir. ''[Hangs up the phone]''
:''[Hogarth hides behind his bedroom door and he tries to escape but he is blocked by Kent.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': The Army arrives in the morning Hogarth. Don't get cute.
:''[Hogarth glares angrily at him as he slowly backs away into his room then he closed the door.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Quietly]'' I gotta warn Dean.
:''[Hogarth runs to his bedroom window he tried to open it then he sees his window is nailed shut. Kent opens the door glaring and thinking at him and Hogarth glares back.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': I'll be watching you.
:''[He sits on Annie's bed. They stare at each other for hours; Kent falls asleep, and wakes in the morning]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Walking by]'' Morning, Kent.
:''[Kent pulls the bed sheets only to see pillows piled beneath them; the helmet falls to the floor.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Comes in]'' For some reason, the Army is in our front yard, Mr. Mansley.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Smiling]'' Please, call me Kent.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The scene changes where Dean is outside of his house stretching having a cup of coffee. Then he hears jeeps approaching.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Okay. ''[Sipping his coffee]''
:''[The soldiers in their jeeps drive up to Dean's scrapyard, Hogarth and Annie are in the army jeep. Kent comes out of the jeep.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': All right, where is it?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': What?
:'''Kent Mansley''': You know darn well what. The monster. The giant thing. The metal man.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Ahh, the metal man. ''[Chuckles]'' Geez, you were scaring me there for a second. I thought I was under attack or something. He's in the back. Come on, I'll show you. ''[Dean holds up his keys]'' You guys got here just in time. This rich cat you know, some industrialist, wants him for the lobby of his company. He whipped out his checkbook right on the spot. I said, "Hey, you got him for the rest of your life. But, what? I gotta let go the moment I give birth? I mean, come on. Give me some time to cut the umbilical, man!". There he is.
:''[Kent sees the Giant, disguised as metal sculpture.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Anyway, I haven't sold him yet. So if you really want him and if, you know, you throw in a competitive bid.
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Nervously, to General Rogard]'' Sir, listen.
:'''General Rogard''': ''[Sternly]'' Step outside, Mansley.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Yes, sir.
:''[Kent is reprimanded by General Rogard; Hogarth smiles through the window.]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[Furiously]'' <big><big>'''''You realize how much hardware I brought out there?! You just blew millions of Uncle Sam's dollars out of your butt!'''''</big></big>
:''[Annie is talking to Dean.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': I gotta admit, I'm relieved that this is what Hogarth was talking about. I mean, I was beginning to think it was real. ''[Dean chuckles and clears his throat]'' I mean, don't get me wrong. I like it. But um, do you need all this stuff on the surface?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Well, um no actually.
:'''Annie Hughes''': Well just sort of--It seems kind of slapped on. You know, not as thought-out as this other piece.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': You like that one?
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Smiling]'' Yeah.
:''[We cut back outside where General Rogard continues berating Kent.]''
:'''General Rogard''': You'll be Chief Inspector of Subway '''''Toilets''''' by the time '''''I'm''''' finished with you! ''[Gets in the jeep]'' Now pack up. I expect you back in Washington to clear out your office. ''[Points to the road, signaling the soldier to drive away, leaving Kent alone.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[defeated]'' Yes, sir.
:''[Annie continues talking with Dean]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hmm, I see why Hogarth sneaks out here.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': You mean, you know about that?
:'''Annie Hughes''': Aww, now I do.
:''[Hogarth watches through the window where the army jeeps leave.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Waving]'' Bye, Kent, and all that implies.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[To Giant]'' OK, you can move now. Nice job!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[We cut to outside where Hogarth has his helmet and he has his toy gun playing with the giant robot.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Thruster to base. I'm going in. ''[Climbs up on the car]'' Only one creature could create so much destruction. The hideous, people-eating killing machine, Atomo! ''[But the robot did not pay attention]'' Atomo!
:'''Iron Giant''': No Atomo. ''[Pulls up the S from the old scrap that says "Seafood" and he puts it on his chest]'' I '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Okay, '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. Take this! ''[Pointing his toy gun at him and the robot's eyes turn red]'' Stupid gun. ''[The robot fires his beam and Hogarth unknowingly dodges and Dean who was working sees what's going on and the robot gasped]'' Hey, what's wrong? As I was saying, take this! ''[Points his toy gun again and the robot fires at Hogarth, Dean quickly saves Hogarth from getting hit]'' What happened? What was that--
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Shh, stay down and follow me. ''[The robot gasped as Hogarth and Dean tried to hide but the robot found them. Dean stood in front of Hogarth, defensively]'' Get back! ''[The robot reacts in shock]'' I said, get back! I mean it!
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Sadly]'' No, stop. Why?
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': It was an accident. He's our friend.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': He's a piece of hardware Hogarth. Why do you think the Army was out here? He's a weapon! A big gun that walks!
:'''Iron Giant''': I'm not gun.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Yeah, what's that, huh!? ''[Points to the big hole left on the school bus]'' You almost did ''that'' to Hogarth!
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[Sadly]'' No. ''[He runs away as it begins to snow]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Come back! ''[Runs to follow the robot]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Hogarth. Hey, stop!
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Giant! Come back!
:''[Dean picks up Hogarth's toy gun.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[realizing]'' It was defensive. He reacted to the gun.
:''[The scene changes where Hogarth continues running on the road and Dean arrives on his motorcycle.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': You're not gonna get there fast enough on foot. ''[Hogarth smiles then he hops on]''
:''[We cut to the giant robot where he continues walking still feeling sad about the incident. He left the letter S on the ground.]''
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:''[We cut to the army jeeps driving, they were spotted by one of the boys who has holding binoculars.]''
:'''Boy #1''': See, I told you it was a big hoax. Dad said-- ''[Another boy gasped upon seeing the giant robot]''
:'''Boy #2''': Give me the binoculars.
:'''Boy #1''': What? What?
:'''Boy #2''': ''[Looks through the binoculars]'' Hey, there it is. I see it! ''[The giant robot walks away]'' It's big. It's walking away.
:'''Boy #1''': ''[Takes the binoculars]'' Give me those.
:'''Boy #2''': Over there. See it? See it?
:'''Boy #1''': ''[Surprised]'' The monster! Holy cow!
:''[The two boys suddenly fall off the balcony, they hold on each other. The wood falls on the ground and one of them almost hits the man.]''
:'''Man''': Watch it!
:'''Boy #2''': ''[Scared]'' Help! '''''Somebody help me!''''' ''[The giant robot hears the boy's cry for help]'' '''''I don't wanna fall!''''' ''[The crowd from below see what's going on]''
:'''Boy #1''': '''''I'm slipping! I can't hold on much longer!'''''
:''[The giant robot lands on the ground and the two boys fall off then they land on the robot's hand safely. The crowd felt surprised upon seeing the robot saving the boy's lives. Then they run to their dad.]''
:'''Boy #1''': Dad!
:'''Boy #2''': Daddy! ''[They both hugged their father and he smiled at the robot]''
:'''Man''': He saved those boys.
:'''Woman''': It's friendly.
:''[We cut to Dean and Hogarth riding on the motorcycle looking for the robot. As the army jeeps drive, Kent sees Dean and Hogarth ride by then he looks back at the robot. He gasps feeling shocked.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': What!? ''[Then he looks at the robot again]'' What!? ''[Then he bumped in front of the jeep and a jeep bumped from behind him. and his car is damaged.]'' Stop! Look! Look behind you! The giant, it's attacking! It's stomping the town! I was right! ''[General Rogard turns and sees the robot]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[Shocked]'' Sweet Mother of God.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Look, stupid you!
:''[Then we cut back to town where the robot smiled as the crowd looked at him. Hogarth and Dean arrived then Hogarth runs up to the robot he looks up at him feeling surprised.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': I am not a gun.
:''[Hogarth smiled and he went in the robot's hand then he picks him up. Annie arrived and see's Hogarth in the robot's hand feeling surprised.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Hey, Mom.
:''[He smiled and waved at her. Dean and Annie looked at each other, Dean chuckled. But suddenly the fire bullet hits the robot in the back which causes him to groan in pain. The crowd reacts in shock the robot falls and hits the building. The army continues shooting the robot.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Scared]'' Let's get of here! Run!
:''[The robot covers Hogarth safely with his hand and he starts running. General Rogard tried shooting the robot as Kent covers his ears. Dean arrives at the scene.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Hey, stop! There's a kid in his hands! Stop shooting. ''[Kent walks up to Dean]'' You can't, he only reacts defensively. If you don't shoot, he's harmless. You gotta tell the general!
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Angrily]'' This is all your fault. beatnik. If you--
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[Annoyed]'' Would you shut up and listen! You gotta make them stop. The giant's got the kid with him.
:'''Kent Mansley''': I'll take care of him. ''[Dean rides away on his motorcycle. Kent speaks to General Rogard]'' He says the monster's killed a kid. Sir, we must stop it all costs.
:'''General Rogard''': ''[On walkie talkie]'' Go to code red. Repeat, code red!
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:''[The scene changes to the President's office where two guards come in.]''
:'''Guard''': Mr. President, we have a situation, sir.
:''[We cut to the Air Force jets take off, we cut back to town where Annie is in the car driving and she almost hit one of the army solders.]''
:'''Soldier''': Watch it, lady!
:''[The Air Force jets fly into the town of Rockwell as Annie continues driving and the giant robot continues running still holding Hogarth safely. The jets flew past the robot and Hogarth see's the bus below.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Scared]'' Look out for the bus! ''[The robot gasped and he tripped through the power lines then he slid off the cliff with Hogarth in his hand as he screamed. Then the rocket thrusters came on the bottom of his feet and he began to fly.]'' ''[Surprised]'' You can fly! ''[The robot went up high; happily]'' You can fly!
:''[Annie came out her car and she is shocked to see the robot fly up into the sky.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth!
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Try pointing your arms straight ahead, like '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''!
:''[The robot holds out his arm and flies like Superman. He felt very happy but suddenly the jets flew past him and one of them start shooting. The robot got angry and he targeted the jet.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[covering his eyes to stop himself from firing the lasers]'' No, no!
:''[The robot dodges the shooting to avoid getting hit.]''
:'''Jet Pilot''': I've lost visual, Repeat I've lost visual!
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Man, that was close! ''[Suddenly the blast hit the robot he falls down from the sky. Annie sees what happened.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Scared]'' No!
:''[Kent sees the robot fall from the sky with his binoculars.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': Ha! I got you!
:''[The robot lands on the ground below and he groans. General Rogard looks through his binoculars.]''
:'''General Rogard''': Good call, Mansley. Secure the area. Let's find out what this thing is and who sent it.
:''[The army drives up to the robot. The robot recovers and sits up then he see's Hogarth unconscious and he gasped in shock. He tried to wake up Hogarth then he begins to mourn Hogarth. The army approaches him.]''
:'''Soldier''': It's still alive!
:'''Kent Mansley''': Just, shoot at it!
:''[The army starts shooting at the robot. Then the robot gets angry and the dent disappears on his head. His eyes turn to red then he activated a gun and he shoots the combat vehicle. General Rogard and Kent are shocked to see what the robot did. His body activates more weapons.]''
:'''Soldier''': Retreat! Retreat!
:'''Kent Mansley''': Let's get out of here!
:''[The army drives away as the robot comes after them continuing to shoot. Annie comes out of the car and Dean arrives. Then they check on Hogarth who is unconscious.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': He's unconscious, but he's okay. Let's get him in the car.
:''[We cut back to where the army is fighting the robot.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Screaming]'' Drive, baby, drive! Step on it! Floor it! It's gaining on us. Faster! Faster! Hurry!
:''[The army went back to town as the robot keeps shooting then he hits the combat vehicles and General Rogard stops the jeep.]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[On walkie talkie]'' All battleships fire at the robot! ''[Sees the robot approach them]'' Now! '''''Now,'' damn it, ''now!''''' ''[The battleships shoot the robot and it hits the robot on the back. Then he heads for the battleships]'' Nothing can stop this thing! We've hit with everything we've got!
:'''Kent Mansley''': Not everything, general. The '''''bomb'''''. ''[General Rogard removes his glasses, looking speechless]'' The Nautilus first strike capability is not far off shore.
:'''General Rogard''': ''[narrowing his eyes; softly]'' You scare me, Mansley. You want us to bomb ourselves in order to kill it?
:'''Kent Mansley''': General, the giant seems to follow whatever attacks it. We can lure it away from the town, then destroy it.
:'''General Rogard''': ''[To soldier]'' Radio the ''Nautilus'', tell it to target the robot and await my command.
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:''[The camera changes inside the ''Nautilus'' submarine and the pilot answers the call.]''
:'''''Nautilus'' Pilot''': This is ''Nautilus''. What's the giant's position?
:'''Soldier''': 67.71972 degrees west by 44.50177 degrees north.
:'''''Nautilus'' Pilot''': Locked and loaded
:''[We cut back to Dean driving the car while Annie holds an unconscious Hogarth.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Caressing Hogarth]'' Oh, my baby, I'm so sorry. ''[Then Hogarth wakes up]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[To Dean]'' Stop the car.
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Surprised]'' Hogarth, Oh my God, Honey you're all right.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Go back! We've gotta help him!
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Are you crazy kid? You're lucky to be alive! We're taking you to a hospital. ''[Then he felt shocked as he stops the car. Then they are shocked to see the robot changed.]''
:'''Soldier''': Everyone, out of the car! We're evacuating the area. ''[Pulling Dean of out the car]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': What are you talking about? We gotta get this boy to a hospital.
:'''Soldier''': What boy? ''[He grabs Dean among with another soldier]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[Shocked]'' Hogarth!
:''[Hogarth runs up to the robot as Dean and Annie look on.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Scared]'' Hogarth, no!
:''[The robot targets the Nautilus as Hogarth arrives to stop him.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''Hey, '''no stop!'''''
:''[The robot turns to Hogarth and he shoots to sky as the army reacts in shock. Kent looks at General Rogard.]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[On walkie talkie]'' This is General Rogard. Ready the attack and prepare to retreat to the fallback position. ''[The soldiers escort Dean and Annie safely then Annie hears what's going on.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': No! ''[Runs to Kent as the soldiers stop her]'' No! Stop! My son is out there!
:''[We cut back to Hogarth and the robot. The robot points the weapon at Hogarth.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': No, wait. It's me Hogarth. Remember? It's bad to kill. Guns kill. And you don't have to be a gun. You are what you choose to be. You choose. Choose. ''[The robot's eyes return to normal]''
:'''Iron Giant''': Hogarth. ''[He returns to his normal form, he felt regretful for what he had done.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': It's okay, It's okay. We gotta show them you're good.
:''[We cut to inside the submarine.]''
:'''''Nautilus'' Captain''': ''Nautilus'' to Rogard. Missile armed and ready.
:''[We cut back to Kent, Rogard and Dean where the second former is informed by the latter about the robot]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[Shocked]'' What are you saying, he's friendly?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Yes, attacking him is triggering a defense mechanism.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Don't listen to him, General! Destroy the monster while we still have the chance! :''[The robot approaches in the mist as the soldiers hold out their guns.]''
:'''Dean McCoppin''': General, you shoot now and the whole thing starts all over.
:'''Kent Mansley''': Stop it now, General! Our future's at sake!
:'''Soldier''': Orders, sir?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Which is why you have got to stop, General.
:'''Soldier''': It's getting closer! Orders, sir?!
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[in the robot's hand, emerging from the mist]'' Don't shoot! Don't shoot!
:'''Annie Hughes''': Hogarth!
:'''General Rogard''': Hold your fire! The boy's alive?
:'''Kent Mansley''': It's a trick! Launch the missile!
:'''General Rogard''': Are you mad, Mansley? ''[To Soldiers]'' All units, stand down! ''[On walkie talkie]'' Rogard to Nautilus. Come in, Nautilus. ''[Kent looks up to the robot and he glares down at him.]''
:'''''Nautilus'' Captain''': ''[On walkie talkie]'' This is ''Nautilus'' standing by. ''[Kent grabs the walkie talkie.]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Screaming]'' <big><big><big>'''''LAUNCH THE MISSILE NOW!'''''</big></big></big>
:''[The captain pushed the red button, launching the missile up to the sky. Back in Rockwell, General Rogard confronts Kent.]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[Furiously, grabbing Kent by the coat]'' That missile is '''targeted to the giant's <big>''current position!''</big> Where's the <big>''giant,''</big> Mansley?!'''
:'''Kent Mansley''': What? ''[Turns to see the robot holding Hogarth behind him glaring a him, then he turns back to Rogard]'' Oh, we can duck and cover. There's a fallout shelter right there.
:'''General Rogard''': There's no way to survive this, '''''you idiot!''''' ''[Rogard grabs hold of Kent again]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[Nervously]'' You mean, we're all going to--
:'''General Rogard''': To die, Mansley, for our country.
:''[He lets go of Kent, who stands around, shocked]''
:'''Kent Mansley''': ''[last words]'' Screw our country! '''I want to ''live!''''' ''[Throws the soldier out of the jeep and gets in. He tries to drive away but the robot stops him and he glares down at him.]''
:'''General Rogard''': Hold him, men. ''[The soldiers held him gunpoint to prevent from escaping]'' Make sure he stays here, like a good soldier.
:''[The alarm goes off and the crowd gets worried and scared. The robot puts Hogarth down then he walks up to Annie and hugs her.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Shocked]'' Oh no. ''[He looks to where the missile is heading. The robot slowly walks briefly to get a closer look. Hogarth turns to the robot]'' It's a missile. When it comes down, everyone will die. ''[Annie placed her hand on Hogarth's shoulder.]''
:'''Woman''': There it is! ''[The crowd sees the missile up in the sky as the robot looks at it then he looks to crowd knowing that the missile will kill everyone.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': ''[Hugging Hogarth, to Dean]'' Shouldn't we get to a shelter?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': ''[Shaking his head]'' It wouldn't matter.
:'''Iron Giant''': I fix. ''[Hogarth feels surprised and he walks up to the robot.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': Giant? ''[The robot kneels down and gently placed his finger at him.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': Hogarth. You stay. I go. ''[He gently lifts Hogarth's chin, and sadly wags his other finger]'' No following. ''[He backs slowly]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Sadly, and softly]'' I love you.
:''[The robot takes off as Hogarth looks on and Annie comforts him. The robot continues taking off and he went into space as the missile approaches him. He remembers Hogarth's advice "You are who you choose to be" which echoes around his mind.]''
:'''Iron Giant''': ''[last words]'' '''[[w:Superman|Superman]]'''. ''[He closed his eyes and the missile hits him. Then, a explosion occurs, and the camera zooms back to earth where the explosion is a bright light in the sky as the crowd looks on in shock.]''
:''[They all cheered that they're all safe and Hogarth felt very sad about the sacrifice of his friend as Annie hugs him comforting him.]''
:'''General Rogard''': ''[To soldiers whilst taking off his helmet]'' Let's go home.
:''[Hogarth sadly looks up to the night sky and he will never forget his friend as the camera zooms slightly to the bright light where the explosion of the robot and the missile.]''
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:''[Last lines; The scene changes to a park one month later where we see statue of the giant robot and it says "Dedicated In Memory of the Iron Giant by the town of Rockwell" and Hogarth is playing with the boys. Dean sits on the bench and Annie walks up to him.]''
:'''Annie Hughes''': Your best work yet, honey. No doubt about it.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': You think this is my best? Really?
:'''Annie Hughes''': Well, ''[Stammering]'' ...You know, next to the bug thing. You know, the one with the shovels... ''[Clears her throat and calls Hogarth]'' Hogarth, come on, honey. Time to go.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': See you later, guys. ''[Runs to Annie and Dean]''
:'''Boy''': ''[Waving]'' See you later, Hogarth.
:'''Dean McCoppin''': Oh, uh, hey, Hogarth. the general sent this to you. ''[Gives him a small package]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': What is it?
:'''Dean McCoppin''': He said it was the only part recovered. He thought you should have it. Hogarth opens the package and it's the robot's jawbolt.
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Sadly]'' I miss him.
:''[Annie placed her hand on Hogarth's shoulder as he looks back the memorial statue then Hogarth, Dean, and Annie leave the park. Then the scene changes later that night in Hogarth's bedroom where Hogarth is in his his bed sleeping. Then suddenly he wakes up and he sees the jawbolt out of the box. He gets out of his bed and looks around. The jawbolt is at Hogarth's bedroom window glowing and beeping it taps the window. He smiled and he opens the window then it lands on the ground.]''
:'''Hogarth Hughes''': ''[Softly]'' See you later.
:''[The jawbolt rolls away as the camera pans up to the sky then the camera changes to Langjokull Glacier, [[Iceland]] we see the robot's parts as the camera pans to the robot's face he opens his eyes and he smiled at the audience, then the camera fades to black, and then the credits roll.]''
== Taglines ==
* Some secrets are too huge to hide.
* The story of a boy and a giant from another world who became a hero on this one!
* Something humongous is among us.
* It came from outer space!
== Cast ==
* [[w:Eli Marienthal|Eli Marienthal]] ― Hogarth William Hughes
* [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]] ― The Iron Giant
* [[Harry Connick, Jr.]] ― Dean Jeffrey McCoppin
* [[w:Christopher McDonald|Christopher McDonald]] ― Kent Mansley
* [[Jennifer Aniston]] ― Anne Margaret "Annie" Hughes
* [[Cloris Leachman]] ― Mrs. Lynley Tensedge
* [[w:James Gammon|James Gammon]] ― Foreman Marv Loach/Floyd Turbeaux
* [[w:John Mahoney|John Mahoney]] ― Shannon Rogard
* [[w:M. Emmet Walsh|M. Emmet Walsh]] ― Earl Stutz
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] ― Soldiers
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title| id=0129167|title=The Iron Giant}}
{{Warner Bros.}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Iron Giant, The}}
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George Fox
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[[File:Fox by Lely 2.jpg|thumb|right|The Lord showed me, so that I did see clearly, that he did not dwell in these temples which men had commanded and set up, but in [[people]]'s [[hearts]].]]
'''[[w:George Fox|George Fox]]''' (July [[1624]] – [[13 January]] [[1691]]) was an [[w:English Dissenters|English Dissenter]], who was a founder of the [[w:Religious Society of Friends|Religious Society of Friends]], commonly known as the '''[[Quakers]]''' or '''Friends'''. The son of a [[w:Leicestershire|Leicestershire]] [[w:Weaver (occupation)|weaver]], he lived in times of social upheaval and war. He rebelled against the religious and political authorities by proposing an unusual, uncompromising approach to the Christian faith. He travelled throughout Britain as a dissenting preacher, performing hundreds of healings, and often being persecuted by the disapproving authorities.
== Quotes ==
[[File:FoxRefusingOath.jpg|thumb|right|Be patterns, be examples in all countries, places, islands, nations wherever you come. ]]
[[File:Fox-George-LOC (cropped).jpg|thumb|I was come into the covenant of [[peace]] which was before wars and strife were.]]
[[File:Quaker star-T.svg|thumb|right|Why should any man have [[power]] over any other man's [[faith]], seeing [[Christ]] Himself is the author of it? ]]
* '''Be [[patterns]], be examples in all countries, places, islands, nations wherever you come'''; that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people, and to them; then you will come to walk cheerfully over the [[world]], answering that of [[God]] in everyone; whereby in them you may be a [[blessing]], and make the witness of God in them to bless you.'''
** Exhortation to ministers (1656), from [http://books.google.com/books?id=BU5mGfV-XD8C ''The Works of George Fox'' (1831)]
* But as I had forsaken the priests, so I left the separate preachers also, and those esteemed the most experienced people; for I saw there was none among them all that could speak to my condition. And when all my hopes in them and in all men were gone, so that I had nothing outwardly to help me, nor could tell what to do, then, oh, then, I heard a voice which said, "There is one, even [[w:Christ|Christ]] [[Jesus]], that can speak to thy condition"; and when I heard it my heart did leap for joy. Then the Lord let me see why there was none upon the earth that could speak to my condition, namely, that I might give Him all the glory; for all are concluded under sin, and shut up in unbelief as I had been, that Jesus Christ might have the pre-eminence who enlightens, and gives grace, and faith, and power. Thus when God doth work, who shall let [hinder] it? and this I knew experimentally [through experience].
** ''[http://www.quaker.org.uk/qfp/chap19/19.01.html#19.02 Quaker Faith and Practice]'', Britain Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends
* There are too many talkers, and few walkers in Christ.
** ''Epistle 244'' (1666)
* The Lord showed me, so that I did see clearly, that he did not dwell in these temples which men had commanded and set up, but in people's hearts … his people were his temple, and he dwelt in them.
** ''Journal'' (1694)
* I told the Commonwealth Commissioners '''I lived in the virtue of that life and power that took away the occasion of all wars'''... I told them I was come into the covenant of peace which was before wars and strife were.
** Statement of 1651, quoted in ''[http://www.quaker.org.uk/qfp/chap24/24.01.html#24.01 Quaker Faith and Practice]'', Britain Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends
* '''Why should any man have [[power]] over any other man's [[faith]], seeing [[Christ]] Himself is the author of it?'''
** Quoted in "Memoir of George Fox", ''The Friends' Library: comprising journals, doctrinal treatises, and other writings of members of the Religious Society of Friends'', edited by William Evans and Thomas Evans (1837) volume 1, page 76
===On his meetings with Oliver Cromwell===
* I was moved of the Lord to write a paper to the Protector, [[Oliver Cromwell]]; wherein I did, in the presence of the Lord God, declare that I denied the wearing or drawing of a carnal sword, or any other outward weapon, against him or any man; and that I was sent of God to stand a witness against all violence, and against the works of darkness; and to turn people from darkness to light; and to bring them from the causes of war and fighting, to the peaceable gospel. When I had written what the Lord had given me to write, I set my name to it, and gave it to Captain Drury to hand to Oliver Cromwell, which he did.
** ''Journal'' (1694)
* When I came in I was moved to say, "[[Peace]] be in this house"; and I exhorted him to keep in the fear of [[God]], that he might receive wisdom from Him, that by it he might be directed, and order all things under his hand to God's glory. {{pb}} l spoke much to him of Truth, and much discourse I had with him about religion; wherein he carried himself very moderately. But he said we quarrelled with priests, whom he called ministers. I told him I did not quarrel with them, but that they quarrelled with me and my friends. "But," said I, "if we own the prophets, Christ, and the apostles, we cannot hold up such teachers, prophets, and shepherds, as the prophets, Christ, and the apostles declared against; but we must declare against them by the same power and Spirit." {{pb}} Then I showed him that the prophets, Christ, and the apostles declared freely, and against them that did not declare freely; such as preached for filthy lucre, and divined for money, and preached for hire, and were covetous and greedy, that could never have enough; and that they that have the same spirit that Christ, and the prophets, and the apostles had, could not but declare against all such now, as they did then. '''As I spoke, he several times said, it was very good, and it was truth. I told him that all Christendom (so called) had the Scriptures, but they wanted the power and Spirit that those had who gave forth the Scriptures; and that was the reason they were not in fellowship with the Son, nor with the Father, nor with the Scriptures, nor one with another.''' {{pb}} Many more words I had with him; but people coming in, I drew a little back. '''As I was turning, he caught me by the hand, and with tears in his eyes said, "Come again to my house; for if thou and I were but an hour of a day together, we should be nearer one to the other"; adding that he wished me no more ill than he did to his own soul. I told him if he did he wronged his own soul; and admonished him to hearken to God's voice, that he might stand in his counsel, and obey it; and if he did so, that would keep him from hardness of heart; but if he did not hear God's voice, his heart would be hardened. He said it was true.''' {{pb}} Then I went out; and when Captain Drury came out after me he told me the Lord Protector had said I was at liberty, and might go whither I would. {{pb}} Then I was brought into a great hall, where the Protector's gentlemen were to dine. I asked them what they brought me thither for. They said it was by the Protector's order, that I might dine with them. I bid them let the Protector know that I would not eat of his bread, nor drink of his drink. When he heard this he said, "'''[[Now]] I see [[Quakers|there is a people risen]] that I cannot win with gifts or honours, offices or places; but all other [[sects]] and people I can.'''" It was told him again that we had forsaken our own possessions; and were not like to look for such things from him.
** On his meeting with [[Oliver Cromwell]], in ''Journal'' (1694)
== Quotes about Fox ==
[[File:George Fox by Mee.jpg|thumb|There's a [[light]] that is shining in the [[heart]] of a man,<br> it's the light that was shining when the world began.<br> There's a light that is shining in the [[Muslim|Turk]] and the [[Jew]]<br> and a light that is shining, [[friend]], in me and in you. ~ [[Sydney Carter]] ]]
[[File:Tiffany Jesus Window in Pullman Memorial Universalist Church.jpg|thumb|I come through the [[darkness]] to the ocean of [[light]],<br> for the light is [[forever]] and the light it is [[free]],<br> "And I walk in the [[glory]] of the light," said he. ~ [[Sydney Carter]] ]]
* The House being informed, that Two Quakers, (that is to say) George Fox, and Rob. Gressingham, have lately made a great Disturbance at Harwich; and that the said George Fox, who pretends to be a Preacher, did lately, in his preaching there, speak Words much reflecting on the Government and Ministry, to the near causing of a Mutiny, and is now committed by the Mayor and Magistrates there; Ordered, That the said George Fox, and Robert Gressingham, be forthwith brought up in Custody: And that the Sheriff of the County of Essex do receive them, and give his Assistance for the conveying them up accordingly, and delivering them into the Charge of the Serjeant at Arms attending this House.
** Order for the arrest of Fox and Robert Gressingham, in [http://www.british-history.ac.uk/report.asp?compid=26194#s7 "Geo. Fox, &c" in ''House of Commons Journal'', Volume 8, (21 May 1660)]
* There's a [[light]] that is shining in the [[heart]] of a man,<br> it's the light that was shining when the world began.<br> There's a light that is shining in the [[Muslim|Turk]] and the [[Jew]]<br> and a light that is shining, [[friend]], in me and in you.
** [[Sydney Carter]], in "George Fox" a variant on his lyrics to "Lord of the Dance" dedicated to Fox
* "With a book and a steeple, with a bell and a key<br> they would bind it forever, but they can't," said he.<br> "Oh, the book it will perish and the steeple will fall,<br> but the light will be shining at the end of it all."
** [[Sydney Carter]], in "George Fox" a variant on his lyrics to "Lord of the Dance" dedicated to Fox
* "If we give you a pistol, will you fight for the Lord?"<br> "But you can't kill the [[Devil]] with a [[gun]] or a [[sword]]!"<br> "Will you swear on the Bible?" "I will not!" said he,<br> "For the [[truth]] is more [[holy]] than the book, to me."
** [[Sydney Carter]], in "George Fox" a variant on his lyrics to "Lord of the Dance" dedicated to Fox
* There's an [[ocean]] of [[darkness]] and I drown in the [[night]]<br> till '''I come through the darkness to the ocean of light,<br> for the light is forever and the light it is free,<br> "And I walk in the [[glory]] of the light," said he.'''
** [[Sydney Carter]], in "George Fox" a variant on his lyrics to "Lord of the Dance" dedicated to Fox
* '''It was three hundred years ago, in October 1656, that George Fox had a memorable interview with [[Oliver Cromwell]], Lord Protector of England.''' It was one of the great moments of a great century, for here, face to face, were two of the most powerful personalities of the age, the one the military dictator of the British Isles at the pinnacle of his worldly power, the other a crude, rustic preacher who had just spent eight months in one of England's foulest prisons. They met in Whitehall, at the very heart of the British government. '''Fox bluntly took the Protector to task for persecuting Friends when he should have protected them.''' Then characteristically he set about trying to make a Quaker out of Cromwell, to turn him to "the light of Christ who had enlightened every man that cometh into the world." Cromwell was in an argumentative mood and took issue with Fox's theology, but Fox had no patience with his objections. "The power of God riz in me," he wrote, "and I was moved to bid him lay down his crown at the feet of [[Jesus]]." {{pb}} Cromwell knew what Fox meant, for two years earlier he had received a strange and disturbing missive in which he had read these words:{{pb}}'''[[God]] is my witness, by whom I am moved to give this forth for the Truth's sake, from him whom the world calls George Fox; who is the [[w:Son of God|son of God]] who is sent to stand a witness against all [[violence]] and against all the works of darkness, and to turn people from the darkness to the light, and to bring them from the occasion of the war and from the occasion of the magistrate's [[sword]]...'''{{pb}}The man who persisted in calling himself the "son of God"— he later acknowledged that he had many brothers — was demanding nothing less than that the military ruler of all England should forthwith disavow all violence and all coercion, make Christ's law of love the supreme law of the land, and substitute the mild dictates of the [[Sermon on the Mount]] for the Instrument of Government by which he ruled. '''In a word, Fox would have him make England a kind of pilot project for the [[Kingdom of Heaven]].''' Fox was a revolutionary. He had no patience with the relativities and compromises of political life. His testimony was an uncompromising testimony for the radical Christian ethic of love and non-violence, and he would apply it in the arena of politics as in every other sphere of life. It is not recorded that Cromwell took his advice. Neither is it recorded that Fox ever receded an inch from his radical perfectionism.
** [http://www.britannica.com/bps/user-profile/4220/frederick-b-tolles Frederick B. Tolles], in his address [http://www.quaker.org/pamphlets/ward1956p.html "Quakerism and Politics" (9 November 1956)]
* “Perhaps the most remarkable incident in Modern History,” says Teufelsdrockh, “is not the Diet of Worms, still less the Battle of Austerlitz, Waterloo, Peterloo, or any other Battle; but an incident passed carelessly over by most Historians, and treated with some degree of ridicule by others: namely, George Fox’s making to himself a suit of Leather.
** [[Thomas Carlyle]], in [https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/c/carlyle/thomas/sartor_resartus/book3.1.html ''Sartor Resartus'' (1836)]
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.georgefoxwritings.com/ The Writings and Life of George Fox - The Journal and the Epistles, edited and with commentary by Hall Worthington and Joan Worthington]
* [http://www.wardsbookofdays.com/13january.htm The life's work of George Fox @ ''Ward's Book of Days'']
{{DEFAULTSORT:Fox, George}}
[[Category:Spiritual teachers]]
[[Category:Theologians from England]]
[[Category:Clergy]]
[[Category:Christian leaders]]
[[Category:Quakers]]
[[Category:Mystics]]
[[Category:Pacifists]]
[[Category:1624 births]]
[[Category:1691 deaths]]
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Spaceballs
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/* Dark Helmet */ The line "Out of order?!" was delivered by Col. Sanderz
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[[File:Spaceballs_title.jpg|thumb|'''If you can read this, you don't need glasses.''']]
[[File:Faded Blue and Red Yin Yang.jpg|thumb|So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Spaceballs}}''''' is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[science fiction]] spoof in which Planet Spaceball's President Skroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal Planet Druidia's abundant supply of [[w:air|air]] to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them. The film parodies ''Star Wars'', ''Star Trek'', and ''[[The Wizard of Oz]]'', among others.
:''Directed by '''[[w:Mel Brooks|Mel Brooks]]'''. Written by '''[[w:Mel Brooks|Mel Brooks]]''', '''[[w:Thomas Meehan (writer)|Thomas Meehan]]''', and '''[[w:Ronny Graham|Ronny Graham]]'''.''
{{center|'''May The Schwartz Be With You.'''<small>[[#Taglines|Taglines]]</small>}}
[[File:Pizza Hut Veneto Layer Pastry.jpg|thumb|Pizza the Hutt!]]
[[File:Yokosuka 02.JPG|thumb|"I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps."<br>"The what?"<br>"The what?"<br>"And the what?"]]
[[File:Strawberry jam on a dish.JPG|thumb|Sir! The radar, sir! It appears to be... jammed!]]
[[File:Tartan cloth closeup.jpg|thumb|"Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?!"<br>"Ah, buckle ''this!'' Ludicrous speed! '''''GO!'''''"]]
==Opening credits==
*''[in tiny print]'': If you can read this, you don't need glasses.
==Dark Helmet==
* How many Assholes have we ''got'' on this ship, anyhow? ''['''Everyone On-Board:''' [raises hands; except one] Yo!]'' I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes! ''[lowers helmet]'' Keep firing, Assholes!
* ''[Mr. Radar has just been "jammed" with raspberry.]'' There's only one man who would ''dare'' give me the raspberry: ''[pulls down helmet as camera zooms in on his face]'' Lone Starr! ''[camera slams into his face and knocks him out]''
* Now we'll show her who is in charge of this [[galaxy]]. ''[A soldier volunteers, but Helmet stops him]'' Hold it...I'll handle this personally. ''[Soldier: Jawohl, Lord Helmet!]'' So Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball. Well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner and you will be held captive until such time as all the air is transferred from your [[planet]]...to ours. ''[pauses, looking at the camera, then opens door, but finds nothing, then lifts helmet]'' She's not in there!
* What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz?! Chicken?!!
* Ludicrous Speed, Go!
* ''[feeling the force of going at Ludicrous Speed]'' What have I done?! My [[brain]]s are going into my feet!
* Yogurt! Yogurt! I hate Yogurt! Even with strawberries!
* ''[ogling Dr. Philip Schlotckens' nurse]'' I bet she gives ''great'' helmet.
* 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
* Commence operation ''[pause]'' "Vacu-Suck"!
* You have the ring. And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you ''handle'' it.
* [To Lone Starr] I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
* Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted!
* So, Lone Starr, now you see that [[evil]] will always triumph, because [[good]] is dumb.
* Say goodbye to your two best [[friends]], and I ''don't'' mean your pals in the Winnebago.
* ''[about the self-destruct cancellation button being out of order]'' Fuck! Even in the ''[[future]]'' nothing works!
* Come back, you fat bearded bitch!
==Dot Matrix==
* [After Barf, introduces himself, opening the emergency exit of the wedding car] Not in here, Mister. This is a Mercedes!
* It's either the 4th of July or someone's trying to kill us!
* We'll have none of that mister! How far did he get? What'd he touch?
* Well... ''[sniffs]'' Goodbye, virgin alarm.
* Here I am! I'm sorry! I had to make a pit stop! I'm so excited that I couldn't hold my oil.
* That was my virgin alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do.
==President Skroob==
* ''[After beaming to the bridge, his head is on backwards]'' Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?!
* ''[Commanderette Zircon calls him on a video monitor in his bathroom]'' I told you never to call me on this wall! This is an unlisted wall!
* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage! ''[Sandurz and Helmet look at each other in disbelief]''
* ''[Winded after running down the bridge]'' The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
* ''[to Dark Helmet]'' Never have that damn thing down in front of me! How do I know that you're not making faces at me under that thing?
* ''[When the self-destruct siren is going off]'' Where the hell are we, Paris?!?
* Sandurz, Sandurz! You got to help me! I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions! I'm a president!
* One pod left and three of us, and I'm the president. Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship; I think you should go down with it. Goodbye. What the hell's the matter with this seat belt? AHHH! ''[finding a bear already in the seat]''
==Lone Starr==
* Spaceballs? Forget it, too dangerous. Besides, I'm already ''numero uno'' on Dark Helmet's hit list.
* YOU listen! On this ship, you are to refer to me as "idiot," not "you captain"! I mean - you know what I mean!
* Helmet. So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time. ''[Pauses, reads script {off-screen}]''...Yeah.
* ''[waking up on the desert moon of Vega and surrounded by the Dinks]'' ...Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?
* ''[Talking to Barf after King Roland calls them to rescue Vespa]'' We're not just doing it for [[money]]...We're doing it for a shitload of money!
* ''[Talking on the Winnebago intercom to the passengers]'' Buckle up back there, we're going into..."Hyperactive"!
* Listen, you royal...highness. Take only what you need to survive. ''[Later, we see Lone Starr and Barf carrying the whole 'Royal Highness' Matched Luggage' across the desert...]''
* You know something, Princess? You're ugly when you're angry!
==Barf==
* Look your highness, it's not that we're afraid, far from it. It's just that we've got this thing about [[death]]; it's not us.
* I'm a Mawg. Half-man, half-dog. I'm my own best friend.
* ''[Indicating the suitcases]'' It's her royal highness's matched luggage!
* Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
* ''[After Vespa blows away a group of Spaceballs]'' Holy shit!
* Well, normally I would-- ''[tries to get up with his seatbelt still on]'' Oooh! That's gonna leave a mark.
* They've gone to plaid!
* Nice dissolve.
* I'll have the cleavage, I mean the special.
* The s- That's what ''I'' ordered! Change my order to the soup! ''['''Lone Starr:''' Good move.]''
* I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
==Others==
* '''King Roland''': Please bring her back safely! ''[pause]'' And if it's at all possible, try to save the car. [whispers] It's not insured...
* '''King Roland''': I'm breathing! Air! AIR!!!
* '''Druidian Priest''': Excuse me. I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet!
* '''Druidian Priest''': We are here to join these two together in holy—MOLY!!
* '''Dark Helmet, Skroob, and Sandurz''': ''[watching Mega Maid vacuum up Druidia's air]'' Suck...suck...suck!
* '''Captain of the Guard''': You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!
* '''Colonel Sandurz''': It's Megamaid! She's gone from suck to blow!
* '''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[After discovering Dark Helmet playing with dolls]'' No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
* '''Colonel Sandurz''': Attention! This is Colonel Sandurz in forward command! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!
* '''Diner Patron''': Water, my ass! Get this guy some Pepto Bismol!
* '''Princess Vespa''': It's my industrial-strength hair-dryer, and I can't live without it!
* '''Pizza the Hutt:''' Where's my money?!
* Placemat in Diner reads: Spaceballs the Placemat; one of several references to film merchandising.
*'''Newsman''': On a sadder note, Pizza the Hutt was found dead earlier today in the back seat of his stretch limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car and ate himself to death. Coming up, Pongo's review of Rocky 5... Thousand!
* '''Vinnie''': ''[To Pizza the Hutt]'' Mmmmm! You're delicious.
* '''Princess Vespa''': I'm not shooting this thing! I hate guns! ''[one of the incoming laser blasts singes part of her hair]'' My hair! He shot my hair! That son of a bitch! ''[Vespa proceeds to blast every guard Rambo-style]''
* The sign outside the church on Druidia first reads: "TODAY The royal wedding of Princess Vespa to Prince Valium TOMORROW BINGO"
* The sign outside the church on Druidia later reads: "TODAY The royal wedding of Princess Vespa to Prince Valium TAKE TWO"
* The bumper sticker on Spaceball One reads: "WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY"
* The bumper sticker on Eagle 5 reads: "I [heart] URANUS"
* President Skroob's sheet reads: "Spaceballs The Sheet"; yet another reference to film merchandising
* President Skroob's toilet paper roll reads: "Spaceballs The Toilet Paper" on all the sheets.
* The license plate on Vespa's Mercedes reads: "SPOIL'D ROTT'N 1"
* The towel seen when Lone Starr and Dark Helmet fight reads: "Spaceballs the Towel"
== Dialogue ==
:'''Dark Helmet''': I can't breathe in this thing!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good. I'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediately.
:'''Rico''': I already called him, sir. He knows everything.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[slams down the phone and turns to Rico; stunned and angry]'' ''What?'' You went over my ''helmet?!''
:'''Rico''': Well, not exactly ''over,'' sir. Uh, m-m-more to the side. I'll always call you first, it'll never happen again. ''Never, ever!'' ''[Dark Helmet puts on Schwartz ring]'' Oh, ''shit!'' No-no-no-no! No-no-no-no! Please! Please! Please! No! No! N-not that! ''[clutches his throat thinking that Dark Helmet is going to choke him]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[pulls his mask down]'' Yes. ''"That"''. ''[fires a blast from his ring that hits Rico's groin, instead of his neck]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': Never mind, I'll do it myself.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': What's the matter with this thing? What's all this churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': No, sir, we call it "[[w:Mr. Coffee|Mr. Coffee]]". Care for some?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[pause]'' Yes! I always have coffee when I watch radar, you know that.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Of course, I do, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''Everybody'' knows that!
:'''Crewmen''': ''[covering their groins]'' ''Of course, we do, sir!''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Right here. ''[gestures to a screen labeled "Mr. Radar"]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Once we kidnap the princess, we will force her father, King Roland, to give us the combination to the air shield, thereby destroying Planet Druidia and saving Planet Spaceball.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[to audience]'' Everybody got that? ''[back to Colonel Sandurz]'' Good! When will the princess be married?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Within the hour, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon. ''[chuckles as he sips coffee; his eyes bug out in pain and he spits it out, his helmet closing]'' Hot! Too hot!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Vinnie appears on Lone Starr's video screen]''
:'''Vinnie''': Hello, Lone Starr.
:'''Lone Starr''': Hello, Vinnie. What do you want?
:'''Vinnie''': No-no-no-no-no. ''[twitches slightly]'' It's not what ''I'' want, it's what ''he'' wants.
:''[Camera shifts slowly to the right to see Pizza the Hutt laughing]''
:'''Lone Starr and Barf''': Pizza the Hutt!
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': ''[belches]'' Well, if it isn't Lone Starr, and his sidekick, Puke.
:'''Barf''': That's Barf.
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': Barf, Puke, ''whatever.'' Where's my money?
:'''Lone Starr''': Don't worry, Pizza. You'll have it by next week.
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': No, no, I gotta have it by tomorrow.
:'''Lone Starr''': A hundred thousand spacebucks? By tomorrow?
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': A hundred thousand? ''[laughs derisively]'' No way! You forgot late charges, which brings it up to, uh...one million spacebucks.
:'''Lone Starr''': A million?! That's unfair!
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': Unfair to the ''pay-or,'' but not to the ''pay-ee.'' Ha-ha-ha. But you're gonna pay ''it,'' or else.
:'''Barf''': Or else what?
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': Tell 'em, Vinnie.
:'''Vinnie''': Or else, Pizza is gonna send out for ''you.''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Commanderette Zircon''': Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
:'''President Skroob''': ''[hesitates]'' I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?
:'''Commanderette Zircon''': Oh, yes, sir, Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
:'''President Skroob''': All right, I'll take a shot at it. What the hell? It works on ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series|Star Trek]]''.
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:'''Dark Helmet''': Fire a warning shot across her nose.
:''[Warning shots began shooting at Vespa's Benz]''
:'''Princess Vespa''': ''[from inside her Benz]'' What's happening?!
:'''Dot Matrix''': It's either the [[w:Independence Day (United States)|Fourth of July]], or someone's trying to kill us!
:'''Princess Vespa''': ''[realizing]'' Hey, I don't have up with this! I'm rich! ''[takes out her phone]''
:'''Dot Matrix''': What are you doing?!
:'''Princess Vespa''': I'm calling my father! 1-800-Druidia.
:''[Warning shots almost hit Vespa's Benz]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[lifts his helmet]'' ''Careful'', you idiot! I said ''across'' her nose, not ''up'' it!
:'''Gunner''': ''[lifts helmet, revealing he's cross-eyed]'' Sorry, sir! I'm doing my best!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Who made that man a gunner?
:'''Major Asshole''': I did, sir. ''[camera reveals that he's also cross-eyed]'' He's my cousin.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[to Sandurz]'' Who is ''he?''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': He's an Asshole, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': I know ''that''. What's his name?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': That ''is'' his name, sir. Asshole. Major Asshole.
:'''Dark Helmet''': And his cousin?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
:'''Dark Helmet''': How many Assholes have we ''got'' on this ship, anyhow?
:'''Bridge Crew''': ''[stands up and raises a hand, except for one person]'' '''''YO!'''''
:'''Dark Helmet''': I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. ''[closes helmet]'' ''Keep firing, Assholes!''
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Spaceball I's radar has been jammed with real jam]''
:'''Radar Technician''': Shit! ''[makes thinking noise; through PA, badly distorted, to Col. Sandurz]'' Sir!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[as he and Dark Helmet look over]'' What is it?
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[still through the PA]'' Can I talk to you for a minute, please, sir?
:''[Sandurz and Helmet walk over]''
:'''Sandurz''': Well?
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[still through the PA]'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
:'''Sandurz''': ''[grabs the microphone the technician was just using]'' You don't need that, private. We're right here. Now, what is it?
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[Still through the PA]'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[rips the microphone from the console and throws it aside; angrily]'' ''Now, what is it?!''
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[normally]'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': What's wrong with it?
:'''Radar Technician''': I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.
:'''Dark Helmet''': The what?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': The what?
:'''Dark Helmet''': And the what?
:'''Radar Techician''': You know, the bleeps... ''[makes radar-beeping noise]''... the sweeps... ''[makes vibrating noise]'' and the creeps. ''[makes squeaking noise]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[quietly, to Sandurz]'' That's not ''all'' he's lost.
:'''Radar Technician''': Sir! The radar, sir! It appears to be... ''[jam starts oozing down the computer screen]'' jammed!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Jammed? ''[examines the jam and tastes it]'' Raspberry. There's only ''one'' man... ''[Sandurz [[w:Fourth wall|breaks the fourth wall by noticing the approaching camera]], and getting out of it's way]'' ...who would ''dare'' give me the raspberry! ''[pulls his mask down]'' ''Lone Starr!'' ''[the camera collides with him and he collapses]''
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:'''Vespa''': Who are you?
:'''Barf''': Barf!
:'''Dot Matrix''': Not in here, mister! This is a Mercedes!
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:'''Lone Starr''': Oh, great. That's just what we needed: a Druish princess.
:'''Barf''': [[w:Fourth wall|''[to audience]'' Funny. She doesn't ''look'' Druish.]]
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[after catching Vespa's car]'' Now, we will show her who is in charge of this galaxy! ''[a Spaceball soldier loads his gun]'' Hold it, I will handle this personally!
:'''Soldier''': ''[stands aside]'' ''Jawohl,'' Lord Helmet!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[looks at him, then heads to the car]'' So, Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of planet Spaceball, well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner, and will be held hostage until such time, as all of the air is transferred from your planet to ours. ''[opens door to the car and looks around, he lifts his mask up]'' She's not in there!
:''[Immediately, all Spaceball soldiers in the room and Colonel Sandurz drop their guns and cover their groins]''
:'''Radar Man''': Radar repaired, sir. We're picking up the outline of a...Winnebago.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''Winnebago?'' Lone Starr. ''[bangs his fist on the car side]'' ''Lone Sta-!'' ''[car's door slams on top of his helmet]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Spaceball I is approaching the Winnebago]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We're closing in on them, sir. In less than a minute, Lone Starr will be ours.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good! Prepare to attack!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Prepare to attack!
:'''Dark Helmet''': On the count of 3. 1...2... ''[the Winnebago goes into hyperspace]'' Late! ''[lifts his mask]'' What happened?! Where are they?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': I don't know, sir! They must have hyperjets on that thing!
:'''Dark Helmet''': And what have we got on '''this''' thing, a ''[[w:Cuisinart|Cuisinart]]?!''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': No, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, find them, catch them!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir! ''[turns on microphone]'' Prepare ship for light speed!
:'''Dark Helmet''': No-no-no, light speed is too slow!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Light speed too slow?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Yes, we're gonna have to go right to...''ludicrous'' speed!
:''[The entire crew gasps in horror]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''Ludicrous'' speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before! I don't know if the ship can take it!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[taunting]'' What's the matter, [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel Sandurz?! Chicken?!]]
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[voice breaks like a chicken]'' PREPARE SHIP-! ''[collects himself]'' Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! ''[everyone buckled their seatbelts]'' Fasten all seat belts! Seal all entrances and exits! Close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three-ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo-!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[takes the microphone]'' Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer! Now, hear this: Ludicrous speed!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[buckles himself]'' Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Ah, buckle ''this!'' Ludicrous speed! '''''GO!''''' ''[now screaming as he grips the handrail while being lifted into the air by momentum. Meanwhile, various warp trails are displayed on the monitor, and there are signs lighting up indicating "LIGHT SPEED", "RIDICULOUS SPEED", and a flashing "LUDICROUS SPEED" sign]'' '''''What have I done?! My brains are going into my feet!'''''
:''[Spaceball I blasts over Lone Starr's Winnebago, leaving a trail of plaid light behind them; Barf and Lone Starr look on in amazement]''
:'''Barf''': '''''WOW!''''' What the ''Hell'' was that?!
:'''Lone Starr''': ''Spaceball I''.
:'''Barf''': They've gone to ''plaid!''
:''[Meanwhile in Spaceball I]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': We passed 'em! Stop this thing!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We can't stop, it's too dangerous; we've got to slow down first!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''Bullshit!'' Just ''stop'' this thing! ''I order you!'' '''''STOOOOOOOOP!'''''
:''[Sandurz struggles and reaches a lever labeled "Emergency Stop: Never Use." When he pulls it, he immediately stops Spaceball I. Helmet goes flying forward, while screaming, into a control panel, denting it and his helmet severely]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Are you all right, sir?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[slightly dazed]'' Fine. How have you been?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir. It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Yeah.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': What should we do now, sir?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, are we stopped?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We're stopped, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good. Why don't we take a 5-minute break?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Smoke, if you got 'em. ''[falls over]''
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:'''Dark Helmet''': Have you found them yet?
:'''Corporal''': No, Lord Helmet, they're still not on the scanner.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, keep looking for them. ''[taking a couple sips of coffee through his helmet]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Pardon me, sir. I have an idea. ''[to Corporal]'' Corporal, get me the video cassette of ''[[w:Spaceballs|Spaceballs: the Movie]].''
:'''Corporal''': Yes, sir. ''[searches a Mr. Rental shelf full of Mel Brooks films and reading each title]'' ''[[w:The Producers|The Producers]],'' ''[[w:The Twelve Chairs|Twelve Chairs]],'' ''[[w:Blazing Saddles|Blazing Saddles]],'' ''[[w:Young Frankenstein|Young Frankenstein]]...''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Colonel Sandurz, may I speak with you, please?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[lifts helmet and whispers to Colonel Sandurz and himself quietly]'' [[w:Fourth wall|How can there be a cassette of Spaceballs: the Movie? We're still in the middle of making it!]]
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Well, that's true, sir, but there's been a new breakthrough in home video marketing.
:'''Dark Helmet''': There has?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes! Instant cassettes. They're out in stores before the movie is finished!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[doubtfully]'' Nah!
:'''Corporal''': Here it is, sir! ''[takes out cassette and holds it]'' ''Spaceballs!''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Good work, Corporal, punch it up! ''[Corporal puts in tape and it shows an F.B.I. Anti-Piracy warning]'' That's much too early. Prepare to fast-forward!
:'''Corporal''': Preparing to fast-forward.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Fast-forward!
:'''Corporal''': Fast-forwarding, sir!
:''[Corporal fast-forwards to the part where Dark Helmet has ignored Sandurz' warning to sit down and buckle up that leads to him denting his helmet severely]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[about the part where he dented his helmet severely]'' No-no-no, go past this, past this part. In fact, ''never'' play this again. ''[sips coffee in embarrassment]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Try here. Stop.
:''[Corporal stops the tape, then Dark Helmet and Sandurz come across an image of themselves viewing the screen. As they react, the screen mimics what they are doing]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': What the Hell am I looking at?! When does ''this'' happen in the movie?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': "Now." You're looking at "now," sir. Everything that happens now ''[indicates himself and Helmet]'' is happening "now." ''[indicates the screen]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': What happened to "then"?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We passed "then."
:'''Dark Helmet''': When?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Just now. We're at "now," now.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Go back to "then"!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': When?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Now!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''Now?''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Now!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': I can't.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Why?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We missed it.
:'''Dark Helmet''': When?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Just now.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ... When will "then" be "now"?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''Soon''.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[backpedals in shock]'' How soon?
:''[Corporal rewinds the tape back to a scene showing protagonists wandering in desert]''
:'''Corporal''': Sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': What?!
:'''Corporal''': We have identified their location.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Where?!
:'''Corporal''': It's the moon of Vega!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Good work, set a course and prepare for our arrival!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[increasingly panicked]'' When?!
:'''Corporal''': 1900 hours, sir!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': By high noon tomorrow, they will be our prisoners!
:'''Dark Helmet''': '''''WHO?!!''''' ''[mask falls down]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[When Lone Starr and Vespa are about to kiss, Dot Matrix's Virgin Alarm goes off]''
:'''Barf''': Abandon ship! '''''ABANDON SHIP!''' Women and Mawgs first! '''AGHH!'''''
:'''Dot Matrix''': We'll have none of ''that,'' mister! ''[to Vespa]'' How far did he get? What'd he touch, what'd he touch?
:'''Vespa''': Nothing happened.
:'''Lone Starr''': ''[annoyed]'' What the Hell was that noise?
:'''Dot Matrix''': ''That'' was my Virgin Alarm. It's programmed to go off before ''you'' do.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lone Starr, Barf, Dot Matrix, and Vespa are making a long trek across the desert]''
:'''Lone Starr''': [[Water]]. Water!
:'''Barf''': ''[with tongue out]'' Water. Water!
:'''Dot Matrix''': [[Oil]]. Oil!
:'''Vespa''': Room service. Room service!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lone Starr''': But Yogurt, what ''is'' this place? What is it that you do here?
:'''Yogurt''': Merchandising.
:'''Barf''': Merchandising? What's that?
:'''Yogurt''': Merchandising! Come, I'll show you. ''[to the Dinks]'' Open up this door. ''[walks over to a wall filled with Spaceballs merchandise]'' Heh-heh. Come! We put the picture's name on everything! ''[everyone is staring in amazement]'' Merchandising! Merchandising! Where the ''real'' money from the movie is made. Spaceballs: the T-shirt, Spaceballs: the Coloring Book, ''[holds up a [[w:Transformers|Transformers]] comic book]'' Spaceballs: the Lunchbox, Spaceballs: the Breakfast Cereal! Spaceballs: the Flame Thrower! ''[fires a blast from flame thrower]''
:'''Dinks''': Ooohh!
:'''Yogurt''': The kids love this one. And last, but not least, Spaceballs: the Doll; Me. ''[pulls the doll's string]''
:'''Yogurt Doll''': May the Schwartz be with you!
:'''Yogurt''': ''[kisses the doll]'' Adorable.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Spaceballs are combing the desert]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sir?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[about to use the bullhorn to the workers but uses it on Sandurz instead]'' ''What?''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Are we being too literal?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[through the bullhorn]'' ''No, you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it.'' ''[puts down bullhorn]'' '''''Found anything yet?!'''''
:'''Soldier''': Nothing yet, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[shouting]'' '''''How about you?!'''''
:'''Soldier''': Not a thing, sir!
:''[Camera pans to two soldiers using an [[w:Comb#Afro pick|Afro Pick]].]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': '''''What about you guys?!'''''
:'''Black soldier''': ''[sarcastically]'' We ain't found ''shit!''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lone Starr''': I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.
:'''Yogurt''': Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': No, we can't go in there. Yogurt has the Schwartz. It's far too powerful.
:'''Sandurz''': But, sir, what about your ring? Don't you have the Schwartz, too?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Naw, he got the upside, I got the downside. See, there's two sides to every Schwartz.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lone Starr''': I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
:'''Yogurt''': Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in ''Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[imitating Dark Helmet doll]'' So, Princess Vespa, at last I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to. ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' No! No, please, leave me alone! ''[imitating Helmet Doll]'' No, you are mine! ''[imitating Lone Starr doll]'' Not so fast, Helmet! ''[imitating Helmet Doll]'' Lone Starr! ''[imitating Lone Starr doll]'' Yes, it's me, and I'm here to save my girlfriend! Hi, honey! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' Now you are going to die! ''[smacks Lone Starr doll with Dark Helmet doll, imitating Lone Starr Doll]'' Oh! Oh! Ohh! ''[imitating Barf doll]'' Hey, what did you do to my friend?! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy! ''[knocks Barf over, imitating Barf doll]'' Arrgh! Ohh! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' And you, too! ''[knocks Dot doll over, imitating Dot doll]'' Aaargh! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' Now, Princess Vespa, at last we are alone! ''[imitating Vespa Doll]'' No, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, leave me alone! And yet, I find you strangely attractive. ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' Of course you do. Druish princesses are often attracted to money, and power, and I have both, and you know it! ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' No, I hate you, leave me alone! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' No, kiss me! ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' No, no, yes. ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' No. ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, ohh...ohhhh, your helmet is ''so'' big.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[barges in, opening the door]'' Lord Helmet!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[startled, hiding his action figures]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': You're needed on the bridge, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[unfathomably embarrassed]'' '''''KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!'''''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[pause]'' Did you see anything?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good!
:''[Colonel Sandurz then closes the door]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': So the combination is 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
:''[Later, when President Skroob walks in]''
:'''Skroob''': What's the combination?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': 1-2-3-4-5.
:'''Skroob''': 1-2-3-4-5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage! ''[Colonel Sandurz and Dark Helmet give each other a look]'' Prepare ''Spaceball I'' for immediate departure!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir.
:'''Skroob''': And change the combination on my luggage!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lone Starr parks the Winnebago in an illegal parking space]''
:'''Guard 1''': Hey, what the Hell is that thing?!
:'''Guard 2''': Looks like a Winnebago with wings!
:'''Guard 1''': Jeez! Hey! You can't park here!
:'''Guard 2''': Yeah! Can't you guys read? ''[gestures to a "No Parking" sign]'' No parking!
:''[Barf exits the Winnebago, and flips off the Guards while making kissing noises]''
:'''Guard 1''': That son of a-! ''[loads gun; approaches Winnebago]'' All right, hands up! You're under arrest for illegal parking!
:'''Guard 2''': Yeah!
:''[They enter and get knocked unconscious]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Guard 1''': Hey! ''[camera shows he and Guard 2 are dressed only in boxers and undershirts, and sporting black eyes]'' Those are the guys that stole our uniforms!
:'''Guard 2''': And beat the shit out of us, too!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Princess Vespa has just mowed down a full squad of soldiers with a laser rifle]''
:'''Barf''': Holy ''shit!''
:'''Vespa''': ''[blows smoke from gun barrel]'' How was that?
:'''Lone Starr''': Not bad!
:'''Barf''': Not bad, for a girl.
:'''Dot Matrix''': Hey, that was pretty good for Rambo!
:'''Vespa''': Let's blow this joint.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Skroob''': Ah, Planet Druidia, and 10,000 years of fresh air.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[whispers to Colonel Sandurz]'' The way he runs things, it won't last 100.
:'''Skroob''': What was that?!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Nothing!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Skroob:''' Helmet, what's going on?
:'''Dark Helmet:''' Sandurz, what's going on?
:'''Colonel Sandurz:''' It's Mega Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!
:'''Skroob:''' What? They're getting all the air back! Do something!
:'''Dark Helmet:''' ''[to Sandurz]'' Do something!
:'''Colonel Sandurz:''' ''[through microphone]'' Do something!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Lone Starr sneaks up behind a guard and grabs him by the neck]''
:'''Guard''': ''[pause]'' What the Hell are you doin'?
:'''Lone Starr''': [[w:Vulcan nerve pinch|The- Vulcan neck pinch]]?
:'''Guard''': No, no, no, stupid. You got it much too high. It's down here, where the shoulder meets the neck.
:'''Lone Starr''': Like ''[jabs into the correct place]'' ''this?''
:'''Guard''': Yeah! ''[collapses]''
:'''Lone Starr''': Thanks.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[As Lone Starr is about to hit the self-destruct button]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[appears]'' Not so fast, Lone Starr!
:'''Lone Starr''': Helmet. So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time. ''[thinks about what he has just said, then approves it; whispers]'' Yeah.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr.
:'''Lone Starr''': What?
:'''Dark Helmet''': I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
:'''Lone Starr''': ''[confused]'' What's that make us?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become. Prepare to die. ''[lights up his green Schwartzsaber, and Lone Starr lights up his orange Schwartzsaber]'' You have the ring. And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. ''[he and Lone Starr look at their respective Schwartzsabers in a humorous way]'' Now, let's see how well you ''handle'' it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[after accidentally hitting and killing one of the filming crew members with his Schwartzsaber]'' Um, ''he'' did it. ''[points to Lone Starr]''
:'''Lone Starr''': '''''What?!'''''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yogurt's voice''': Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr. Use the Schwartz!
:'''Lone Starr''': I can't. I lost the ring.
:'''Yougurt's voice''': Forget the ring! The ring is bupkis. I found it in a Cracker Jack box. The Schwartz is in you, Lone Starr! It's in you!
:'''Lone Starr''': All right; I'll try!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Computer''': Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in three minutes.
:''[Alarms go off on the main bridge]''
:'''Skroob''': What's going on? Where the hell are we? Paris?
:'''Computer''': Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and forty-five seconds.
:'''Skroob''': You've got to stop it! Is there any way to stop it?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': I can't! It's irreversible!
:'''Skroob''': Like my raincoat!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[about to enter a pod when a lady with a beard cuts in front of him]'' Hey-hey-hey, that's ''my'' escape pod, who are you?!
:'''Bearded Lady''': ''I'm'' the bearded lady! What are ''you,'' one of the ''freaks?!'' ''[kicks him and gets in the pod, laughing]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Wait, come back! That's my pod! ''No!'' ''[the pod ejects]'' ''Come back, you fat-bearded bitch!''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Computer''': This ship will self-destruct in twenty seconds. This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.
:'''Skroob''': "Cancellation button"?! ''Hurry!''
:''[All three slide down the stairs to find the cancellation button]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Where is it?! Where is it?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': It's gotta be here!
:''[They open a housing, where the button has an "Out of Order" tag on it]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[angrily]'' "Out of order"?! '''''Fuck!''''' Even in the '''''future,''''' nothing works!
:'''Computer''': This ship will self-destruct in exactly 10 seconds. ''[all three recoil in fear]'' Counting down. 10, 9, 8, 6-
:'''Skroob''': ''6?!'' What happened to ''7?!''
:'''Computer''': Just kidding!
:''[They all growl in annoyance]''
:'''Princess Vespa''': ''[to Lone Starr]'' There's the other end! ''Faster!''
:''[Lone Starr accelerates the Winnebago]''
:'''Computer''': ''[Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet, and President Skroob mouth the numbers in horror]'' 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. ''[they all close their eyes and grimace]'' Have a nice day.
:'''Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet, President Skroob''': ''[they open their eyes]'' Thank you. ''[they close their eyes again]''
:''[Eagle 5 escapes just in time and flies off as Mega Maid explodes]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Man 1 in diner''': So, we were lost, none of us knew where we were. And then Harry began feeling around on all the trees, and then he said, "I got it. We on Pluto." And we said, "Harry, how can you tell?" He said, "From the bark, you dummies!" ''[laughs]'' From the bark!
:''[Kane from the film "[[w:Alien (film)|Alien]]" convulses]''
:'''Woman in diner''': Is he all right?
:'''Man 1 in Diner''': Yeah, yeah, this guy digs me. Hey, what's wrong with this guy?
:'''Man 2 in Diner''': I don't know! Bring him some water!
:'''Man 1 in Diner''': Water, my ass! Bring this guy some [[w:Pepto-Bismol|Pepto-Bismol]]!
:''[Kane starts groaning in pain]''
:'''Barf''': Waitress! Waitress! What did he order?
:'''Waitress''': Oh, he had the special.
:'''Barf''': The s-''[realizing]'' That's what ''I'' ordered! Change my order to the soup!
:'''Lone Starr''': Good move.
:''[Kane continues groaning in pain until a [[w:Alien (film)#Chestburster|Chestburster]] emerges]''
:'''Kane''': ''[in horror]'' [[w:Alien (film)|Oh, no! Not again!]] ''[dies]''
:''[The Chestburster dons [[w:Boater|a straw hat]] and begins [[w:Michigan J. Frog|dancing his way]] out of the diner]''
:'''Chestburster''': ''[Singing]'' [[w:Hello! Ma Baby|Hello, my baby!]] Hello, my honey! Hello, my rag-time gal! Send me a kiss by wire; baby, my heart's on fire! If you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me! Then you'll be left alone oh, baby, telephone, and tell me I'm your own! ''[walks out the door]''(Note this dance number/song is a spoof from 1955 classic cartoon [[One Froggy Evening]]/song is [[Hello! Ma Baby]] 1914 song
:'''Lone Star and Barf''': Check, please!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Barf opens a fortune cookie Yogurt gave to Lone Starr, triggering a holographic message]''
:'''Lone Starr and Barf''': Yogurt!
:'''Yogurt''': Hello, boys! Well, you opened your fortune cookie, so here's your fortune. Lone Starr, you know that medallion that you wear around your neck, but you don't know what it means? Well, here's what it means. It's a royal birth certificate. Yes! Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen. Which makes you a certified prince.
:'''Lone Starr''': ''[overjoyed]'' Hey, I'm a prince! I'm a prince! Which means-
:'''Yogurt''': Which means if you hurry, there could be a princess in your future. Now if you want to get back there before she marries Sleeping Beauty, there's a special can of fuel in your glove compartment. Good luck, boys.
:'''Barf''': Bye, Yogurt!
:'''Lone Starr''': And, Yogurt...thanks.
:'''Yogurt''': You're welcome. ''[drawn out, gradually fading away]'' AND MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOOOOUUU!...aaa-eee-aaa-eee-ooo, what a world, what a world... ''[fades out]''
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Two apes ride up on horseback]''
:'''Ape 1''': Dear me, what are those things coming out of her nose?
:''[The second ape checks his binoculars, finding Dark Helmet, Colonel Sandurz and President Skroob climbing out of Mega-Maid's nose]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[barely audible from that distance]'' Hey! Watch my helmet!
:'''Ape 2''': ''Spaceballs?!''
:'''Ape 1''': ''[in disbelief and mock exasperation]'' Oh, shit! [[w:Planet of the Apes|There goes the planet.]]
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Priest''': Who are you?
:'''Barf''': I'm the best man.
:'''Priest''': What's your name?
:'''Barf''': Barf.
:'''Priest''': Your full name!
:'''Barf''': Barfolomew!
:'''Priest''': Are you the one that's getting married?
:'''Barf''': No.
:'''Priest''': '''''THEN GET OVER THERE!''''' Okay, here we go. The short, ''short'' version! Do you?
:'''Lone Star''': Yes.
:'''Priest''': Do you?
:'''Princess Vespa''': Yes!
:'''Priest''': Good! You're married! Kiss her!
:'''Lone Starr''': I love you.
:'''Vespa''': I love you.
:''[As Vespa and Lone Starr kiss, the crowd cheers]''
:'''Dot Matrix''': Well, ''[sniffles]'' goodbye, Virgin Alarm.
== Taglines ==
* May The Schwartz Be With You.
* Once Upon A Time Warp In Deep Space, The Struggle Between The Nice & The Rotten Goes On...
* Revenge Of The Schtick
a sequel!
*OH NO! A SEQUEL MOVES!
*Schwartz v.s Gremlins.
*Guess Who's Back?
*Coming Soon....ish?!
== Cast ==
* [[Mel Brooks]] - President Skroob/Yogurt
* [[w:Rick Moranis|Rick Moranis]] - Dark Helmet
* [[w:Bill Pullman|Bill Pullman]] - Lone Starr
* [[w:Daphne Zuniga|Daphne Zuniga]] - Princess Vespa
* [[w:John Candy|John Candy]] - Barfolemew 'Barf'
* [[w:George Wyner|George Wyner]] - Colonel Sandurz
* [[Joan Rivers]] - Dot Matrix (voice)
* [[w:Dick Van Patten|Dick Van Patten]] - King Roland
* [[w:Michael Winslow|Michael Winslow]] - Radar Technician
* [[w:Lorene Yarnell|Lorene Yarnell]] - Dot Matrix
* [[w:John Hurt|John Hurt]] - Kane
* [[w:Sal Viscuso|Sal Viscuso]] - Radio Operator
* [[w:Ronny Graham|Ronny Graham]] - Minister
* [[w:Jim J. Bullock|Jim J. Bullock]] - Prince Valium
* [[w:Leslie Bevis|Leslie Bevis]] - Commanderette Zircon
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] - Major Asshole
* [[w:Dom DeLuise|Dom DeLuise]] - Pizza the Hutt (voice)
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0094012|title=Spaceballs}}
*[http://www.ladyofthecake.com/mel/space/sbimages.htm ''Spaceballs'' images]
*[http://www.comingsoon.net/news/topnews.php?id=6547 Sequel announcement], [http://www.scrypticstudios.com/index.php/news/179 animated TV series announcement]
[[Category:Comedy science fiction films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Looney Tunes films]]
[[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Films about robots]]
[[Category:Films with archival recordings]]
[[Category:Space adventure films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Mel Brooks]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mel Brooks]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional planets]]
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/* Dialogue */ The line "Out of Order" was delivered by Colonel Sandurz, and not Dark Helmet.
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[[File:Spaceballs_title.jpg|thumb|'''If you can read this, you don't need glasses.''']]
[[File:Faded Blue and Red Yin Yang.jpg|thumb|So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Spaceballs}}''''' is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[science fiction]] spoof in which Planet Spaceball's President Skroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal Planet Druidia's abundant supply of [[w:air|air]] to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them. The film parodies ''Star Wars'', ''Star Trek'', and ''[[The Wizard of Oz]]'', among others.
:''Directed by '''[[w:Mel Brooks|Mel Brooks]]'''. Written by '''[[w:Mel Brooks|Mel Brooks]]''', '''[[w:Thomas Meehan (writer)|Thomas Meehan]]''', and '''[[w:Ronny Graham|Ronny Graham]]'''.''
{{center|'''May The Schwartz Be With You.'''<small>[[#Taglines|Taglines]]</small>}}
[[File:Pizza Hut Veneto Layer Pastry.jpg|thumb|Pizza the Hutt!]]
[[File:Yokosuka 02.JPG|thumb|"I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps."<br>"The what?"<br>"The what?"<br>"And the what?"]]
[[File:Strawberry jam on a dish.JPG|thumb|Sir! The radar, sir! It appears to be... jammed!]]
[[File:Tartan cloth closeup.jpg|thumb|"Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?!"<br>"Ah, buckle ''this!'' Ludicrous speed! '''''GO!'''''"]]
==Opening credits==
*''[in tiny print]'': If you can read this, you don't need glasses.
==Dark Helmet==
* How many Assholes have we ''got'' on this ship, anyhow? ''['''Everyone On-Board:''' [raises hands; except one] Yo!]'' I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes! ''[lowers helmet]'' Keep firing, Assholes!
* ''[Mr. Radar has just been "jammed" with raspberry.]'' There's only one man who would ''dare'' give me the raspberry: ''[pulls down helmet as camera zooms in on his face]'' Lone Starr! ''[camera slams into his face and knocks him out]''
* Now we'll show her who is in charge of this [[galaxy]]. ''[A soldier volunteers, but Helmet stops him]'' Hold it...I'll handle this personally. ''[Soldier: Jawohl, Lord Helmet!]'' So Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball. Well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner and you will be held captive until such time as all the air is transferred from your [[planet]]...to ours. ''[pauses, looking at the camera, then opens door, but finds nothing, then lifts helmet]'' She's not in there!
* What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz?! Chicken?!!
* Ludicrous Speed, Go!
* ''[feeling the force of going at Ludicrous Speed]'' What have I done?! My [[brain]]s are going into my feet!
* Yogurt! Yogurt! I hate Yogurt! Even with strawberries!
* ''[ogling Dr. Philip Schlotckens' nurse]'' I bet she gives ''great'' helmet.
* 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
* Commence operation ''[pause]'' "Vacu-Suck"!
* You have the ring. And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you ''handle'' it.
* [To Lone Starr] I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
* Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted!
* So, Lone Starr, now you see that [[evil]] will always triumph, because [[good]] is dumb.
* Say goodbye to your two best [[friends]], and I ''don't'' mean your pals in the Winnebago.
* ''[about the self-destruct cancellation button being out of order]'' Fuck! Even in the ''[[future]]'' nothing works!
* Come back, you fat bearded bitch!
==Dot Matrix==
* [After Barf, introduces himself, opening the emergency exit of the wedding car] Not in here, Mister. This is a Mercedes!
* It's either the 4th of July or someone's trying to kill us!
* We'll have none of that mister! How far did he get? What'd he touch?
* Well... ''[sniffs]'' Goodbye, virgin alarm.
* Here I am! I'm sorry! I had to make a pit stop! I'm so excited that I couldn't hold my oil.
* That was my virgin alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do.
==President Skroob==
* ''[After beaming to the bridge, his head is on backwards]'' Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?!
* ''[Commanderette Zircon calls him on a video monitor in his bathroom]'' I told you never to call me on this wall! This is an unlisted wall!
* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage! ''[Sandurz and Helmet look at each other in disbelief]''
* ''[Winded after running down the bridge]'' The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
* ''[to Dark Helmet]'' Never have that damn thing down in front of me! How do I know that you're not making faces at me under that thing?
* ''[When the self-destruct siren is going off]'' Where the hell are we, Paris?!?
* Sandurz, Sandurz! You got to help me! I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions! I'm a president!
* One pod left and three of us, and I'm the president. Well, boys, it's a very lovely ship; I think you should go down with it. Goodbye. What the hell's the matter with this seat belt? AHHH! ''[finding a bear already in the seat]''
==Lone Starr==
* Spaceballs? Forget it, too dangerous. Besides, I'm already ''numero uno'' on Dark Helmet's hit list.
* YOU listen! On this ship, you are to refer to me as "idiot," not "you captain"! I mean - you know what I mean!
* Helmet. So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time. ''[Pauses, reads script {off-screen}]''...Yeah.
* ''[waking up on the desert moon of Vega and surrounded by the Dinks]'' ...Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?
* ''[Talking to Barf after King Roland calls them to rescue Vespa]'' We're not just doing it for [[money]]...We're doing it for a shitload of money!
* ''[Talking on the Winnebago intercom to the passengers]'' Buckle up back there, we're going into..."Hyperactive"!
* Listen, you royal...highness. Take only what you need to survive. ''[Later, we see Lone Starr and Barf carrying the whole 'Royal Highness' Matched Luggage' across the desert...]''
* You know something, Princess? You're ugly when you're angry!
==Barf==
* Look your highness, it's not that we're afraid, far from it. It's just that we've got this thing about [[death]]; it's not us.
* I'm a Mawg. Half-man, half-dog. I'm my own best friend.
* ''[Indicating the suitcases]'' It's her royal highness's matched luggage!
* Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
* ''[After Vespa blows away a group of Spaceballs]'' Holy shit!
* Well, normally I would-- ''[tries to get up with his seatbelt still on]'' Oooh! That's gonna leave a mark.
* They've gone to plaid!
* Nice dissolve.
* I'll have the cleavage, I mean the special.
* The s- That's what ''I'' ordered! Change my order to the soup! ''['''Lone Starr:''' Good move.]''
* I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
==Others==
* '''King Roland''': Please bring her back safely! ''[pause]'' And if it's at all possible, try to save the car. [whispers] It's not insured...
* '''King Roland''': I'm breathing! Air! AIR!!!
* '''Druidian Priest''': Excuse me. I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet!
* '''Druidian Priest''': We are here to join these two together in holy—MOLY!!
* '''Dark Helmet, Skroob, and Sandurz''': ''[watching Mega Maid vacuum up Druidia's air]'' Suck...suck...suck!
* '''Captain of the Guard''': You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!
* '''Colonel Sandurz''': It's Megamaid! She's gone from suck to blow!
* '''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[After discovering Dark Helmet playing with dolls]'' No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
* '''Colonel Sandurz''': Attention! This is Colonel Sandurz in forward command! Abandon ship! Abandon ship!
* '''Diner Patron''': Water, my ass! Get this guy some Pepto Bismol!
* '''Princess Vespa''': It's my industrial-strength hair-dryer, and I can't live without it!
* '''Pizza the Hutt:''' Where's my money?!
* Placemat in Diner reads: Spaceballs the Placemat; one of several references to film merchandising.
*'''Newsman''': On a sadder note, Pizza the Hutt was found dead earlier today in the back seat of his stretch limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in his car and ate himself to death. Coming up, Pongo's review of Rocky 5... Thousand!
* '''Vinnie''': ''[To Pizza the Hutt]'' Mmmmm! You're delicious.
* '''Princess Vespa''': I'm not shooting this thing! I hate guns! ''[one of the incoming laser blasts singes part of her hair]'' My hair! He shot my hair! That son of a bitch! ''[Vespa proceeds to blast every guard Rambo-style]''
* The sign outside the church on Druidia first reads: "TODAY The royal wedding of Princess Vespa to Prince Valium TOMORROW BINGO"
* The sign outside the church on Druidia later reads: "TODAY The royal wedding of Princess Vespa to Prince Valium TAKE TWO"
* The bumper sticker on Spaceball One reads: "WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY"
* The bumper sticker on Eagle 5 reads: "I [heart] URANUS"
* President Skroob's sheet reads: "Spaceballs The Sheet"; yet another reference to film merchandising
* President Skroob's toilet paper roll reads: "Spaceballs The Toilet Paper" on all the sheets.
* The license plate on Vespa's Mercedes reads: "SPOIL'D ROTT'N 1"
* The towel seen when Lone Starr and Dark Helmet fight reads: "Spaceballs the Towel"
== Dialogue ==
:'''Dark Helmet''': I can't breathe in this thing!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We're approaching Planet Druidia, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good. I'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediately.
:'''Rico''': I already called him, sir. He knows everything.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[slams down the phone and turns to Rico; stunned and angry]'' ''What?'' You went over my ''helmet?!''
:'''Rico''': Well, not exactly ''over,'' sir. Uh, m-m-more to the side. I'll always call you first, it'll never happen again. ''Never, ever!'' ''[Dark Helmet puts on Schwartz ring]'' Oh, ''shit!'' No-no-no-no! No-no-no-no! Please! Please! Please! No! No! N-not that! ''[clutches his throat thinking that Dark Helmet is going to choke him]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[pulls his mask down]'' Yes. ''"That"''. ''[fires a blast from his ring that hits Rico's groin, instead of his neck]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': Never mind, I'll do it myself.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': What's the matter with this thing? What's all this churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': No, sir, we call it "[[w:Mr. Coffee|Mr. Coffee]]". Care for some?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[pause]'' Yes! I always have coffee when I watch radar, you know that.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Of course, I do, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''Everybody'' knows that!
:'''Crewmen''': ''[covering their groins]'' ''Of course, we do, sir!''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar. Where is it?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Right here. ''[gestures to a screen labeled "Mr. Radar"]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Once we kidnap the princess, we will force her father, King Roland, to give us the combination to the air shield, thereby destroying Planet Druidia and saving Planet Spaceball.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[to audience]'' Everybody got that? ''[back to Colonel Sandurz]'' Good! When will the princess be married?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Within the hour, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, I hope it's a long ceremony, 'cause it's gonna be a short honeymoon. ''[chuckles as he sips coffee; his eyes bug out in pain and he spits it out, his helmet closing]'' Hot! Too hot!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Vinnie appears on Lone Starr's video screen]''
:'''Vinnie''': Hello, Lone Starr.
:'''Lone Starr''': Hello, Vinnie. What do you want?
:'''Vinnie''': No-no-no-no-no. ''[twitches slightly]'' It's not what ''I'' want, it's what ''he'' wants.
:''[Camera shifts slowly to the right to see Pizza the Hutt laughing]''
:'''Lone Starr and Barf''': Pizza the Hutt!
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': ''[belches]'' Well, if it isn't Lone Starr, and his sidekick, Puke.
:'''Barf''': That's Barf.
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': Barf, Puke, ''whatever.'' Where's my money?
:'''Lone Starr''': Don't worry, Pizza. You'll have it by next week.
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': No, no, I gotta have it by tomorrow.
:'''Lone Starr''': A hundred thousand spacebucks? By tomorrow?
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': A hundred thousand? ''[laughs derisively]'' No way! You forgot late charges, which brings it up to, uh...one million spacebucks.
:'''Lone Starr''': A million?! That's unfair!
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': Unfair to the ''pay-or,'' but not to the ''pay-ee.'' Ha-ha-ha. But you're gonna pay ''it,'' or else.
:'''Barf''': Or else what?
:'''Pizza the Hutt''': Tell 'em, Vinnie.
:'''Vinnie''': Or else, Pizza is gonna send out for ''you.''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Commanderette Zircon''': Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
:'''President Skroob''': ''[hesitates]'' I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?
:'''Commanderette Zircon''': Oh, yes, sir, Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
:'''President Skroob''': All right, I'll take a shot at it. What the hell? It works on ''[[Star Trek: The Original Series|Star Trek]]''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': Fire a warning shot across her nose.
:''[Warning shots began shooting at Vespa's Benz]''
:'''Princess Vespa''': ''[from inside her Benz]'' What's happening?!
:'''Dot Matrix''': It's either the [[w:Independence Day (United States)|Fourth of July]], or someone's trying to kill us!
:'''Princess Vespa''': ''[realizing]'' Hey, I don't have up with this! I'm rich! ''[takes out her phone]''
:'''Dot Matrix''': What are you doing?!
:'''Princess Vespa''': I'm calling my father! 1-800-Druidia.
:''[Warning shots almost hit Vespa's Benz]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[lifts his helmet]'' ''Careful'', you idiot! I said ''across'' her nose, not ''up'' it!
:'''Gunner''': ''[lifts helmet, revealing he's cross-eyed]'' Sorry, sir! I'm doing my best!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Who made that man a gunner?
:'''Major Asshole''': I did, sir. ''[camera reveals that he's also cross-eyed]'' He's my cousin.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[to Sandurz]'' Who is ''he?''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': He's an Asshole, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': I know ''that''. What's his name?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': That ''is'' his name, sir. Asshole. Major Asshole.
:'''Dark Helmet''': And his cousin?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': He's an Asshole too, sir. Gunner's mate, First Class, Philip Asshole.
:'''Dark Helmet''': How many Assholes have we ''got'' on this ship, anyhow?
:'''Bridge Crew''': ''[stands up and raises a hand, except for one person]'' '''''YO!'''''
:'''Dark Helmet''': I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. ''[closes helmet]'' ''Keep firing, Assholes!''
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Spaceball I's radar has been jammed with real jam]''
:'''Radar Technician''': Shit! ''[makes thinking noise; through PA, badly distorted, to Col. Sandurz]'' Sir!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[as he and Dark Helmet look over]'' What is it?
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[still through the PA]'' Can I talk to you for a minute, please, sir?
:''[Sandurz and Helmet walk over]''
:'''Sandurz''': Well?
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[still through the PA]'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
:'''Sandurz''': ''[grabs the microphone the technician was just using]'' You don't need that, private. We're right here. Now, what is it?
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[Still through the PA]'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[rips the microphone from the console and throws it aside; angrily]'' ''Now, what is it?!''
:'''Radar Technician''': ''[normally]'' I'm having trouble with the radar, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': What's wrong with it?
:'''Radar Technician''': I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps, and I've lost the creeps.
:'''Dark Helmet''': The what?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': The what?
:'''Dark Helmet''': And the what?
:'''Radar Techician''': You know, the bleeps... ''[makes radar-beeping noise]''... the sweeps... ''[makes vibrating noise]'' and the creeps. ''[makes squeaking noise]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[quietly, to Sandurz]'' That's not ''all'' he's lost.
:'''Radar Technician''': Sir! The radar, sir! It appears to be... ''[jam starts oozing down the computer screen]'' jammed!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Jammed? ''[examines the jam and tastes it]'' Raspberry. There's only ''one'' man... ''[Sandurz [[w:Fourth wall|breaks the fourth wall by noticing the approaching camera]], and getting out of it's way]'' ...who would ''dare'' give me the raspberry! ''[pulls his mask down]'' ''Lone Starr!'' ''[the camera collides with him and he collapses]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Vespa''': Who are you?
:'''Barf''': Barf!
:'''Dot Matrix''': Not in here, mister! This is a Mercedes!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lone Starr''': Oh, great. That's just what we needed: a Druish princess.
:'''Barf''': [[w:Fourth wall|''[to audience]'' Funny. She doesn't ''look'' Druish.]]
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[after catching Vespa's car]'' Now, we will show her who is in charge of this galaxy! ''[a Spaceball soldier loads his gun]'' Hold it, I will handle this personally!
:'''Soldier''': ''[stands aside]'' ''Jawohl,'' Lord Helmet!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[looks at him, then heads to the car]'' So, Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of planet Spaceball, well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner, and will be held hostage until such time, as all of the air is transferred from your planet to ours. ''[opens door to the car and looks around, he lifts his mask up]'' She's not in there!
:''[Immediately, all Spaceball soldiers in the room and Colonel Sandurz drop their guns and cover their groins]''
:'''Radar Man''': Radar repaired, sir. We're picking up the outline of a...Winnebago.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''Winnebago?'' Lone Starr. ''[bangs his fist on the car side]'' ''Lone Sta-!'' ''[car's door slams on top of his helmet]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Spaceball I is approaching the Winnebago]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We're closing in on them, sir. In less than a minute, Lone Starr will be ours.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good! Prepare to attack!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Prepare to attack!
:'''Dark Helmet''': On the count of 3. 1...2... ''[the Winnebago goes into hyperspace]'' Late! ''[lifts his mask]'' What happened?! Where are they?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': I don't know, sir! They must have hyperjets on that thing!
:'''Dark Helmet''': And what have we got on '''this''' thing, a ''[[w:Cuisinart|Cuisinart]]?!''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': No, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, find them, catch them!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir! ''[turns on microphone]'' Prepare ship for light speed!
:'''Dark Helmet''': No-no-no, light speed is too slow!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Light speed too slow?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Yes, we're gonna have to go right to...''ludicrous'' speed!
:''[The entire crew gasps in horror]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''Ludicrous'' speed?! Sir, we've never gone that fast before! I don't know if the ship can take it!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[taunting]'' What's the matter, [[w:Colonel Sanders|Colonel Sandurz?! Chicken?!]]
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[voice breaks like a chicken]'' PREPARE SHIP-! ''[collects himself]'' Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! ''[everyone buckled their seatbelts]'' Fasten all seat belts! Seal all entrances and exits! Close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three-ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo-!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[takes the microphone]'' Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer! Now, hear this: Ludicrous speed!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[buckles himself]'' Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Ah, buckle ''this!'' Ludicrous speed! '''''GO!''''' ''[now screaming as he grips the handrail while being lifted into the air by momentum. Meanwhile, various warp trails are displayed on the monitor, and there are signs lighting up indicating "LIGHT SPEED", "RIDICULOUS SPEED", and a flashing "LUDICROUS SPEED" sign]'' '''''What have I done?! My brains are going into my feet!'''''
:''[Spaceball I blasts over Lone Starr's Winnebago, leaving a trail of plaid light behind them; Barf and Lone Starr look on in amazement]''
:'''Barf''': '''''WOW!''''' What the ''Hell'' was that?!
:'''Lone Starr''': ''Spaceball I''.
:'''Barf''': They've gone to ''plaid!''
:''[Meanwhile in Spaceball I]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': We passed 'em! Stop this thing!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We can't stop, it's too dangerous; we've got to slow down first!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''Bullshit!'' Just ''stop'' this thing! ''I order you!'' '''''STOOOOOOOOP!'''''
:''[Sandurz struggles and reaches a lever labeled "Emergency Stop: Never Use." When he pulls it, he immediately stops Spaceball I. Helmet goes flying forward, while screaming, into a control panel, denting it and his helmet severely]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Are you all right, sir?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[slightly dazed]'' Fine. How have you been?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir. It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Yeah.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': What should we do now, sir?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, are we stopped?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We're stopped, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good. Why don't we take a 5-minute break?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Very good, sir.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Smoke, if you got 'em. ''[falls over]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': Have you found them yet?
:'''Corporal''': No, Lord Helmet, they're still not on the scanner.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Well, keep looking for them. ''[taking a couple sips of coffee through his helmet]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Pardon me, sir. I have an idea. ''[to Corporal]'' Corporal, get me the video cassette of ''[[w:Spaceballs|Spaceballs: the Movie]].''
:'''Corporal''': Yes, sir. ''[searches a Mr. Rental shelf full of Mel Brooks films and reading each title]'' ''[[w:The Producers|The Producers]],'' ''[[w:The Twelve Chairs|Twelve Chairs]],'' ''[[w:Blazing Saddles|Blazing Saddles]],'' ''[[w:Young Frankenstein|Young Frankenstein]]...''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Colonel Sandurz, may I speak with you, please?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[lifts helmet and whispers to Colonel Sandurz and himself quietly]'' [[w:Fourth wall|How can there be a cassette of Spaceballs: the Movie? We're still in the middle of making it!]]
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Well, that's true, sir, but there's been a new breakthrough in home video marketing.
:'''Dark Helmet''': There has?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes! Instant cassettes. They're out in stores before the movie is finished!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[doubtfully]'' Nah!
:'''Corporal''': Here it is, sir! ''[takes out cassette and holds it]'' ''Spaceballs!''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Good work, Corporal, punch it up! ''[Corporal puts in tape and it shows an F.B.I. Anti-Piracy warning]'' That's much too early. Prepare to fast-forward!
:'''Corporal''': Preparing to fast-forward.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Fast-forward!
:'''Corporal''': Fast-forwarding, sir!
:''[Corporal fast-forwards to the part where Dark Helmet has ignored Sandurz' warning to sit down and buckle up that leads to him denting his helmet severely]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[about the part where he dented his helmet severely]'' No-no-no, go past this, past this part. In fact, ''never'' play this again. ''[sips coffee in embarrassment]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Try here. Stop.
:''[Corporal stops the tape, then Dark Helmet and Sandurz come across an image of themselves viewing the screen. As they react, the screen mimics what they are doing]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': What the Hell am I looking at?! When does ''this'' happen in the movie?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': "Now." You're looking at "now," sir. Everything that happens now ''[indicates himself and Helmet]'' is happening "now." ''[indicates the screen]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': What happened to "then"?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We passed "then."
:'''Dark Helmet''': When?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Just now. We're at "now," now.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Go back to "then"!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': When?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Now!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''Now?''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Now!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': I can't.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Why?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': We missed it.
:'''Dark Helmet''': When?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Just now.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ... When will "then" be "now"?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''Soon''.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[backpedals in shock]'' How soon?
:''[Corporal rewinds the tape back to a scene showing protagonists wandering in desert]''
:'''Corporal''': Sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': What?!
:'''Corporal''': We have identified their location.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Where?!
:'''Corporal''': It's the moon of Vega!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Good work, set a course and prepare for our arrival!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[increasingly panicked]'' When?!
:'''Corporal''': 1900 hours, sir!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': By high noon tomorrow, they will be our prisoners!
:'''Dark Helmet''': '''''WHO?!!''''' ''[mask falls down]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[When Lone Starr and Vespa are about to kiss, Dot Matrix's Virgin Alarm goes off]''
:'''Barf''': Abandon ship! '''''ABANDON SHIP!''' Women and Mawgs first! '''AGHH!'''''
:'''Dot Matrix''': We'll have none of ''that,'' mister! ''[to Vespa]'' How far did he get? What'd he touch, what'd he touch?
:'''Vespa''': Nothing happened.
:'''Lone Starr''': ''[annoyed]'' What the Hell was that noise?
:'''Dot Matrix''': ''That'' was my Virgin Alarm. It's programmed to go off before ''you'' do.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lone Starr, Barf, Dot Matrix, and Vespa are making a long trek across the desert]''
:'''Lone Starr''': [[Water]]. Water!
:'''Barf''': ''[with tongue out]'' Water. Water!
:'''Dot Matrix''': [[Oil]]. Oil!
:'''Vespa''': Room service. Room service!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lone Starr''': But Yogurt, what ''is'' this place? What is it that you do here?
:'''Yogurt''': Merchandising.
:'''Barf''': Merchandising? What's that?
:'''Yogurt''': Merchandising! Come, I'll show you. ''[to the Dinks]'' Open up this door. ''[walks over to a wall filled with Spaceballs merchandise]'' Heh-heh. Come! We put the picture's name on everything! ''[everyone is staring in amazement]'' Merchandising! Merchandising! Where the ''real'' money from the movie is made. Spaceballs: the T-shirt, Spaceballs: the Coloring Book, ''[holds up a [[w:Transformers|Transformers]] comic book]'' Spaceballs: the Lunchbox, Spaceballs: the Breakfast Cereal! Spaceballs: the Flame Thrower! ''[fires a blast from flame thrower]''
:'''Dinks''': Ooohh!
:'''Yogurt''': The kids love this one. And last, but not least, Spaceballs: the Doll; Me. ''[pulls the doll's string]''
:'''Yogurt Doll''': May the Schwartz be with you!
:'''Yogurt''': ''[kisses the doll]'' Adorable.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Spaceballs are combing the desert]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Sir?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[about to use the bullhorn to the workers but uses it on Sandurz instead]'' ''What?''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Are we being too literal?
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[through the bullhorn]'' ''No, you fool, we're following orders. We were told to comb the desert, so we're combing it.'' ''[puts down bullhorn]'' '''''Found anything yet?!'''''
:'''Soldier''': Nothing yet, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[shouting]'' '''''How about you?!'''''
:'''Soldier''': Not a thing, sir!
:''[Camera pans to two soldiers using an [[w:Comb#Afro pick|Afro Pick]].]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': '''''What about you guys?!'''''
:'''Black soldier''': ''[sarcastically]'' We ain't found ''shit!''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lone Starr''': I still don't understand how I'm going to lift that big statue with this little ring.
:'''Yogurt''': Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': No, we can't go in there. Yogurt has the Schwartz. It's far too powerful.
:'''Sandurz''': But, sir, what about your ring? Don't you have the Schwartz, too?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Naw, he got the upside, I got the downside. See, there's two sides to every Schwartz.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lone Starr''': I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
:'''Yogurt''': Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in ''Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[imitating Dark Helmet doll]'' So, Princess Vespa, at last I have you in my clutches, to have my way with you, the way I want to. ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' No! No, please, leave me alone! ''[imitating Helmet Doll]'' No, you are mine! ''[imitating Lone Starr doll]'' Not so fast, Helmet! ''[imitating Helmet Doll]'' Lone Starr! ''[imitating Lone Starr doll]'' Yes, it's me, and I'm here to save my girlfriend! Hi, honey! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' Now you are going to die! ''[smacks Lone Starr doll with Dark Helmet doll, imitating Lone Starr Doll]'' Oh! Oh! Ohh! ''[imitating Barf doll]'' Hey, what did you do to my friend?! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy! ''[knocks Barf over, imitating Barf doll]'' Arrgh! Ohh! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' And you, too! ''[knocks Dot doll over, imitating Dot doll]'' Aaargh! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' Now, Princess Vespa, at last we are alone! ''[imitating Vespa Doll]'' No, no, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, leave me alone! And yet, I find you strangely attractive. ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' Of course you do. Druish princesses are often attracted to money, and power, and I have both, and you know it! ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' No, I hate you, leave me alone! ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' No, kiss me! ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' No, no, yes. ''[imitating Helmet doll]'' No. ''[imitating Vespa doll]'' Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, ohh...ohhhh, your helmet is ''so'' big.
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': ''[barges in, opening the door]'' Lord Helmet!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[startled, hiding his action figures]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': You're needed on the bridge, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[unfathomably embarrassed]'' '''''KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!'''''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[pause]'' Did you see anything?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Good!
:''[Colonel Sandurz then closes the door]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': So the combination is 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
:''[Later, when President Skroob walks in]''
:'''Skroob''': What's the combination?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': 1-2-3-4-5.
:'''Skroob''': 1-2-3-4-5? That's amazing! I've got the same combination on my luggage! ''[Colonel Sandurz and Dark Helmet give each other a look]'' Prepare ''Spaceball I'' for immediate departure!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': Yes, sir.
:'''Skroob''': And change the combination on my luggage!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lone Starr parks the Winnebago in an illegal parking space]''
:'''Guard 1''': Hey, what the Hell is that thing?!
:'''Guard 2''': Looks like a Winnebago with wings!
:'''Guard 1''': Jeez! Hey! You can't park here!
:'''Guard 2''': Yeah! Can't you guys read? ''[gestures to a "No Parking" sign]'' No parking!
:''[Barf exits the Winnebago, and flips off the Guards while making kissing noises]''
:'''Guard 1''': That son of a-! ''[loads gun; approaches Winnebago]'' All right, hands up! You're under arrest for illegal parking!
:'''Guard 2''': Yeah!
:''[They enter and get knocked unconscious]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Guard 1''': Hey! ''[camera shows he and Guard 2 are dressed only in boxers and undershirts, and sporting black eyes]'' Those are the guys that stole our uniforms!
:'''Guard 2''': And beat the shit out of us, too!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Princess Vespa has just mowed down a full squad of soldiers with a laser rifle]''
:'''Barf''': Holy ''shit!''
:'''Vespa''': ''[blows smoke from gun barrel]'' How was that?
:'''Lone Starr''': Not bad!
:'''Barf''': Not bad, for a girl.
:'''Dot Matrix''': Hey, that was pretty good for Rambo!
:'''Vespa''': Let's blow this joint.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Skroob''': Ah, Planet Druidia, and 10,000 years of fresh air.
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[whispers to Colonel Sandurz]'' The way he runs things, it won't last 100.
:'''Skroob''': What was that?!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Nothing!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Skroob:''' Helmet, what's going on?
:'''Dark Helmet:''' Sandurz, what's going on?
:'''Colonel Sandurz:''' It's Mega Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!
:'''Skroob:''' What? They're getting all the air back! Do something!
:'''Dark Helmet:''' ''[to Sandurz]'' Do something!
:'''Colonel Sandurz:''' ''[through microphone]'' Do something!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Lone Starr sneaks up behind a guard and grabs him by the neck]''
:'''Guard''': ''[pause]'' What the Hell are you doin'?
:'''Lone Starr''': [[w:Vulcan nerve pinch|The- Vulcan neck pinch]]?
:'''Guard''': No, no, no, stupid. You got it much too high. It's down here, where the shoulder meets the neck.
:'''Lone Starr''': Like ''[jabs into the correct place]'' ''this?''
:'''Guard''': Yeah! ''[collapses]''
:'''Lone Starr''': Thanks.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[As Lone Starr is about to hit the self-destruct button]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[appears]'' Not so fast, Lone Starr!
:'''Lone Starr''': Helmet. So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time. ''[thinks about what he has just said, then approves it; whispers]'' Yeah.
:'''Dark Helmet''': Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Lone Starr.
:'''Lone Starr''': What?
:'''Dark Helmet''': I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
:'''Lone Starr''': ''[confused]'' What's that make us?
:'''Dark Helmet''': Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become. Prepare to die. ''[lights up his green Schwartzsaber, and Lone Starr lights up his orange Schwartzsaber]'' You have the ring. And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. ''[he and Lone Starr look at their respective Schwartzsabers in a humorous way]'' Now, let's see how well you ''handle'' it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[after accidentally hitting and killing one of the filming crew members with his Schwartzsaber]'' Um, ''he'' did it. ''[points to Lone Starr]''
:'''Lone Starr''': '''''What?!'''''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yogurt's voice''': Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr. Use the Schwartz!
:'''Lone Starr''': I can't. I lost the ring.
:'''Yougurt's voice''': Forget the ring! The ring is bupkis. I found it in a Cracker Jack box. The Schwartz is in you, Lone Starr! It's in you!
:'''Lone Starr''': All right; I'll try!
:'''Dark Helmet''': Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Computer''': Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in three minutes.
:''[Alarms go off on the main bridge]''
:'''Skroob''': What's going on? Where the hell are we? Paris?
:'''Computer''': Thank you for pressing the self-destruct button. This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and forty-five seconds.
:'''Skroob''': You've got to stop it! Is there any way to stop it?
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': I can't! It's irreversible!
:'''Skroob''': Like my raincoat!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[about to enter a pod when a lady with a beard cuts in front of him]'' Hey-hey-hey, that's ''my'' escape pod, who are you?!
:'''Bearded Lady''': ''I'm'' the bearded lady! What are ''you,'' one of the ''freaks?!'' ''[kicks him and gets in the pod, laughing]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Wait, come back! That's my pod! ''No!'' ''[the pod ejects]'' ''Come back, you fat-bearded bitch!''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Computer''': This ship will self-destruct in twenty seconds. This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.
:'''Skroob''': "Cancellation button"?! ''Hurry!''
:''[All three slide down the stairs to find the cancellation button]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': Where is it?! Where is it?!
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': It's gotta be here!
:''[They open a housing, where the button has an "Out of Order" tag on it]''
:'''Colonel Sandurz''': "Out of order"?!
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[angrily]'' '''''Fuck!''''' Even in the '''''future,''''' nothing works!
:'''Computer''': This ship will self-destruct in exactly 10 seconds. ''[all three recoil in fear]'' Counting down. 10, 9, 8, 6-
:'''Skroob''': ''6?!'' What happened to ''7?!''
:'''Computer''': Just kidding!
:''[They all growl in annoyance]''
:'''Princess Vespa''': ''[to Lone Starr]'' There's the other end! ''Faster!''
:''[Lone Starr accelerates the Winnebago]''
:'''Computer''': ''[Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet, and President Skroob mouth the numbers in horror]'' 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. ''[they all close their eyes and grimace]'' Have a nice day.
:'''Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet, President Skroob''': ''[they open their eyes]'' Thank you. ''[they close their eyes again]''
:''[Eagle 5 escapes just in time and flies off as Mega Maid explodes]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Man 1 in diner''': So, we were lost, none of us knew where we were. And then Harry began feeling around on all the trees, and then he said, "I got it. We on Pluto." And we said, "Harry, how can you tell?" He said, "From the bark, you dummies!" ''[laughs]'' From the bark!
:''[Kane from the film "[[w:Alien (film)|Alien]]" convulses]''
:'''Woman in diner''': Is he all right?
:'''Man 1 in Diner''': Yeah, yeah, this guy digs me. Hey, what's wrong with this guy?
:'''Man 2 in Diner''': I don't know! Bring him some water!
:'''Man 1 in Diner''': Water, my ass! Bring this guy some [[w:Pepto-Bismol|Pepto-Bismol]]!
:''[Kane starts groaning in pain]''
:'''Barf''': Waitress! Waitress! What did he order?
:'''Waitress''': Oh, he had the special.
:'''Barf''': The s-''[realizing]'' That's what ''I'' ordered! Change my order to the soup!
:'''Lone Starr''': Good move.
:''[Kane continues groaning in pain until a [[w:Alien (film)#Chestburster|Chestburster]] emerges]''
:'''Kane''': ''[in horror]'' [[w:Alien (film)|Oh, no! Not again!]] ''[dies]''
:''[The Chestburster dons [[w:Boater|a straw hat]] and begins [[w:Michigan J. Frog|dancing his way]] out of the diner]''
:'''Chestburster''': ''[Singing]'' [[w:Hello! Ma Baby|Hello, my baby!]] Hello, my honey! Hello, my rag-time gal! Send me a kiss by wire; baby, my heart's on fire! If you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me! Then you'll be left alone oh, baby, telephone, and tell me I'm your own! ''[walks out the door]''(Note this dance number/song is a spoof from 1955 classic cartoon [[One Froggy Evening]]/song is [[Hello! Ma Baby]] 1914 song
:'''Lone Star and Barf''': Check, please!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Barf opens a fortune cookie Yogurt gave to Lone Starr, triggering a holographic message]''
:'''Lone Starr and Barf''': Yogurt!
:'''Yogurt''': Hello, boys! Well, you opened your fortune cookie, so here's your fortune. Lone Starr, you know that medallion that you wear around your neck, but you don't know what it means? Well, here's what it means. It's a royal birth certificate. Yes! Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen. Which makes you a certified prince.
:'''Lone Starr''': ''[overjoyed]'' Hey, I'm a prince! I'm a prince! Which means-
:'''Yogurt''': Which means if you hurry, there could be a princess in your future. Now if you want to get back there before she marries Sleeping Beauty, there's a special can of fuel in your glove compartment. Good luck, boys.
:'''Barf''': Bye, Yogurt!
:'''Lone Starr''': And, Yogurt...thanks.
:'''Yogurt''': You're welcome. ''[drawn out, gradually fading away]'' AND MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOOOOUUU!...aaa-eee-aaa-eee-ooo, what a world, what a world... ''[fades out]''
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Two apes ride up on horseback]''
:'''Ape 1''': Dear me, what are those things coming out of her nose?
:''[The second ape checks his binoculars, finding Dark Helmet, Colonel Sandurz and President Skroob climbing out of Mega-Maid's nose]''
:'''Dark Helmet''': ''[barely audible from that distance]'' Hey! Watch my helmet!
:'''Ape 2''': ''Spaceballs?!''
:'''Ape 1''': ''[in disbelief and mock exasperation]'' Oh, shit! [[w:Planet of the Apes|There goes the planet.]]
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Priest''': Who are you?
:'''Barf''': I'm the best man.
:'''Priest''': What's your name?
:'''Barf''': Barf.
:'''Priest''': Your full name!
:'''Barf''': Barfolomew!
:'''Priest''': Are you the one that's getting married?
:'''Barf''': No.
:'''Priest''': '''''THEN GET OVER THERE!''''' Okay, here we go. The short, ''short'' version! Do you?
:'''Lone Star''': Yes.
:'''Priest''': Do you?
:'''Princess Vespa''': Yes!
:'''Priest''': Good! You're married! Kiss her!
:'''Lone Starr''': I love you.
:'''Vespa''': I love you.
:''[As Vespa and Lone Starr kiss, the crowd cheers]''
:'''Dot Matrix''': Well, ''[sniffles]'' goodbye, Virgin Alarm.
== Taglines ==
* May The Schwartz Be With You.
* Once Upon A Time Warp In Deep Space, The Struggle Between The Nice & The Rotten Goes On...
* Revenge Of The Schtick
a sequel!
*OH NO! A SEQUEL MOVES!
*Schwartz v.s Gremlins.
*Guess Who's Back?
*Coming Soon....ish?!
== Cast ==
* [[Mel Brooks]] - President Skroob/Yogurt
* [[w:Rick Moranis|Rick Moranis]] - Dark Helmet
* [[w:Bill Pullman|Bill Pullman]] - Lone Starr
* [[w:Daphne Zuniga|Daphne Zuniga]] - Princess Vespa
* [[w:John Candy|John Candy]] - Barfolemew 'Barf'
* [[w:George Wyner|George Wyner]] - Colonel Sandurz
* [[Joan Rivers]] - Dot Matrix (voice)
* [[w:Dick Van Patten|Dick Van Patten]] - King Roland
* [[w:Michael Winslow|Michael Winslow]] - Radar Technician
* [[w:Lorene Yarnell|Lorene Yarnell]] - Dot Matrix
* [[w:John Hurt|John Hurt]] - Kane
* [[w:Sal Viscuso|Sal Viscuso]] - Radio Operator
* [[w:Ronny Graham|Ronny Graham]] - Minister
* [[w:Jim J. Bullock|Jim J. Bullock]] - Prince Valium
* [[w:Leslie Bevis|Leslie Bevis]] - Commanderette Zircon
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] - Major Asshole
* [[w:Dom DeLuise|Dom DeLuise]] - Pizza the Hutt (voice)
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=0094012|title=Spaceballs}}
*[http://www.ladyofthecake.com/mel/space/sbimages.htm ''Spaceballs'' images]
*[http://www.comingsoon.net/news/topnews.php?id=6547 Sequel announcement], [http://www.scrypticstudios.com/index.php/news/179 animated TV series announcement]
[[Category:Comedy science fiction films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Looney Tunes films]]
[[Category:Films about extraterrestrial life]]
[[Category:Films about robots]]
[[Category:Films with archival recordings]]
[[Category:Space adventure films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Mel Brooks]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mel Brooks]]
[[Category:Films set on fictional planets]]
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Appendices to The Lord of the Rings
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{{DISPLAYTITLE:Appendices to ''The Lord of the Rings''}}
[[File:Sketch Map of Middle-earth.svg|thumb|I gave [[Hope]] to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself.]]
This page is for quotations from the Appendices to ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' by [[J. R. R. Tolkien]]
== Quotes ==
[[File:Flag of the Kings of Gondor.svg|thumb|In [[w:Aragorn|Aragorn Elessar]] the dignity of the kings of old was renewed.]]
<!--[[File:Aragorn.png|thumb|He was elven-wise, and there was a light in his eyes that when they were kindled few could endure.]]-->
* [[w:Fëanor|Fëanor]] was the greatest of the [[w:Eldar|Eldar]] in arts and lore, but also the proudest and most selfwilled. He wrought the Three Jewels, the [[w:Silmaril|''Silmarilli'']], and filled them with the radiance of the [[w:Two Trees of Valinor|Two Trees]], Telperion and Laurelin, that gave light to the land of the [[w:Vala (Middle-earth)|Valar]].
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (i) Númenor
* [[w:Aragorn|Aragorn]] indeed lived to be two hundred and ten years old, longer than any of his line since King Arvegil; but in Aragorn Elessar the dignity of the kings of old was renewed.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (iii) Eriador, Arnor and the Heirs of Isildur
* '''Each new Steward indeed took office with the oath ‘to hold rod and rule in the name of the king, until he shall return’.''' But these soon became words of ritual little heeded, for the Stewards exercised all the power of the kings. Yet many in Gondor still believed that a king would indeed return in some time to come; and some remembered the ancient line of the North, which it was rumoured still lived on in the shadows. '''But against such thoughts the Ruling Stewards hardened their hearts.''' {{pb}} Nonetheless the Stewards never sat on the ancient throne; and they wore no crown, and held no sceptre. They bore a white rod only as the token of their office; and their banner was white without charge; but '''the royal banner had been sable, upon which was displayed a white tree in blossom beneath seven stars.'''
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (iv) Gondor and the Heirs of Anárion
* Then Aragorn, being now the Heir of Isildur, was taken with his mother to dwell in the house of [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]; and Elrond took the place of his father and came to love him as a son of his own. But he was called Estel, that is ‘[[Hope]]’, and his true name and lineage were kept secret at the bidding of Elrond; for the Wise then knew that the Enemy was seeking to discover the Heir of Isildur, if any remained upon earth.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* '''But Elrond saw many things and read many hearts.''' One day, therefore, before the fall of the year he called Aragorn to his chamber, and he said: ‘Aragorn, Arathorn’s son, Lord of the Dúnedain, listen to me! A great doom awaits you, either to rise above the height of all your fathers since the days of Elendil, or to fall into darkness with all that is left of your kin. Many years of trial lie before you. You shall neither have wife, nor bind any woman to you in troth, until your time comes and you are found worthy of it.’
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* Then Aragorn took leave lovingly of Elrond; and the next day he said farewell to his mother, and to the house of Elrond, and to [[w:Arwen|Arwen]], and he went out into the wild. For nearly thirty years he laboured in the cause against Sauron; and he became a friend of [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]] the Wise, from whom he gained much wisdom. With him he made many perilous journeys, but as the years wore on he went more often alone. His ways were hard and long, and he became somewhat grim to look upon, unless he chanced to smile; and yet he seemed to Men worthy of honour, as a king that is in exile, when he did not hide his true shape. For he went in many guises, and won renown under many names.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* Thus he became at last the most hardy of living Men, skilled in their crafts and lore, and was yet more than they; for he was elven-wise, and there was a light in his eyes that when they were kindled few could endure. His face was sad and stern because of the doom that was laid on him, and yet hope dwelt ever in the depths of his heart, from which mirth would arise at times like a spring from the rock.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* ''Ónen i-Estel Edain, ú-chebin estel anim.'' <br> (‘'''I gave Hope to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself.'''’)
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen ** Spoken by Gilraen; in the movie adaptation of ''The Return of the King'' the statement is made by Elrond (the first part) and Aragorn (the second, in reply)
[[File:Unico Anello.png|thumb|Let us not be overthrown at the final test, who of old renounced the Shadow and the [[w:One Ring|Ring]]. In sorrow we must go, but not in despair.]]
[[File:Spiritual Tree dsc06786 duo nevit.jpg|thumb|right|Arwen went forth from the House, and the light of her eyes was quenched, and it seemed to her people that she had become cold and grey as nightfall in winter that comes without a star.]]
* ‘Lady Undómiel,’ said Aragorn, ‘the hour is indeed hard, yet it was made even in that day when we met under the white birches in the garden of Elrond, where none now walk. And on the hill of Cerin Amroth when we forsook both the Shadow and the Twilight this doom we accepted. Take counsel with yourself, beloved, and ask whether you would indeed have me wait until I wither and fall from my high seat unmanned and witless. Nay, lady, I am the last of the Númenóreans and the latest King of the Elder Days; and to me has been given not only a span thrice that of Men of Middle-earth, but also the grace to go at my will, and give back the gift. Now, therefore, I will sleep. {{pb}} ‘I speak no comfort to you, for there is no comfort for such pain within the circles of the world. The uttermost choice is before you: to repent and go to the Havens and bear away into the West the memory of our days together that shall there be evergreen but never more than a memory; or else to abide the Doom of Men.’ {{pb}} ‘Nay, dear lord,’ she said, ‘that choice is long over. There is now no ship to bear me hence, and I must indeed abide the Doom of Men, whether I will or I nill: the loss and the silence. But I say to you, King of the Númenóreans, not till now have I understood the tale of your people and their fall. As wicked fools I scorned them, but I pity them at last. For if this is indeed, as the Eldar say, the gift of the One to Men, it is bitter to receive.’ {{pb}} ‘So it seems,’ he said. ‘But let us not be overthrown at the final test, who of old renounced the Shadow and the [[w:One Ring |Ring]]. In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! we are not bound forever in the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory. Farewell!’ {{pb}} ‘Estel, Estel!’ she cried, and with that even as he took her hand and kissed it, he fell into sleep. Then a great beauty was revealed in him, so that all who after came there looked on him in wonder; for they saw the grace of his youth, and the valour of his manhood, and the wisdom and majesty of his age were blended together. And long there he lay, an image of the splendour of the Kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world. {{pb}} But Arwen went forth from the House, and the light of her eyes was quenched, and it seemed to her people that she had become cold and grey as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Then she said farewell to Eldarion, and to her daughters, and to all whom she had loved; and she went out from the city of Minas Tirith and passed away to the land of Lórien, and dwelt there alone under the fading trees until winter came. Galadriel had passed away and Celeborn also was gone, and the land was silent. {{pb}} There at last when the mallorn-leaves were falling, but spring had not yet come, she laid herself to rest upon Cerin Amroth; and there is her green grave, until the world is changed, and all the days of her life are utterly forgotten by the men that come after, and elanor and niphredil bloom no more east of the Sea.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
[[File:Thorin in blue mountains.jpg|thumb|right|Yet things might have gone far otherwise and far worse.]]
* We have heard tell that Legolas took Gimli Glóin’s son with him because of their great friendship, greater than any that has been between Elf and Dwarf. If this is true, then it is strange indeed: that a Dwarf should be willing to leave Middle-earth for any love, or that the Eldar should receive him, or that the Lords of the West should permit it. But it is said that Gimli went also out of desire to see again the beauty of Galadriel; and it may be that she, being mighty among the Eldar, obtained this grace for him. More cannot be said of this matter.
** Appx A, III Durin's Folk
* Yet things might have gone far otherwise and far worse. When you think of the great [[w:Battle of the Pelennor Fields|Battle of the Pelennor]], do not forget the battles in Dale and the valour of Durin’s Folk. Think of what might have been. Dragon-fire and savage swords in Eriador, night in Rivendell. There might be no Queen in Gondor. We might now hope to return from the victory here only to ruin and ash. But that has been averted — because I met [[w:Thorin Oakenshield|Thorin Oakenshield]] one evening on the edge of spring in Bree. '''A chance-meeting, as we say in Middle-earth.'''
** Appx A, III Durin's Folk
** [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]]’s words to [[w:Frodo|Frodo]] and [[w:Gimli (Middle-earth)|Gimli]] concerning the battle in Dale
== External links ==
* [http://www.tolkien.co.uk HarperCollins: UK & Worldwide Publishers]
* [http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/features/lordoftheringstrilogy Houghton Mifflin: US Publisher]
* [http://www.lordoftherings.net Official Site of the Movie Trilogy]
<small> The first volume of Tolkien’s greatly acclaimed epic was first published July 29, 1954, the second on November 11 of the same year, and the final volume on October 20, 1955. </small>
<br clear="all">
[[Category:Works by J. R. R. Tolkien]]
[[Category:Fantasy books]]
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{{DISPLAYTITLE:Appendices to ''The Lord of the Rings''}}
[[File:Sketch Map of Middle-earth.svg|thumb|I gave [[Hope]] to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself.]]
This page is for quotations from the Appendices to ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' by [[J. R. R. Tolkien]]
== Quotes ==
[[File:Flag of the Kings of Gondor.svg|thumb|In [[w:Aragorn|Aragorn Elessar]] the dignity of the kings of old was renewed.]]
<!--[[File:Aragorn.png|thumb|He was elven-wise, and there was a light in his eyes that when they were kindled few could endure.]]-->
* [[w:Fëanor|Fëanor]] was the greatest of the [[w:Eldar|Eldar]] in arts and lore, but also the proudest and most selfwilled. He wrought the Three Jewels, the [[w:Silmaril|''Silmarilli'']], and filled them with the radiance of the [[w:Two Trees of Valinor|Two Trees]], Telperion and Laurelin, that gave light to the land of the [[w:Vala (Middle-earth)|Valar]].
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (i) Númenor
* [[w:Aragorn|Aragorn]] indeed lived to be two hundred and ten years old, longer than any of his line since King Arvegil; but in Aragorn Elessar the dignity of the kings of old was renewed.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (iii) Eriador, Arnor and the Heirs of Isildur
* '''Each new Steward indeed took office with the oath ‘to hold rod and rule in the name of the king, until he shall return’.''' But these soon became words of ritual little heeded, for the Stewards exercised all the power of the kings. Yet many in Gondor still believed that a king would indeed return in some time to come; and some remembered the ancient line of the North, which it was rumoured still lived on in the shadows. '''But against such thoughts the Ruling Stewards hardened their hearts.''' {{pb}} Nonetheless the Stewards never sat on the ancient throne; and they wore no crown, and held no sceptre. They bore a white rod only as the token of their office; and their banner was white without charge; but '''the royal banner had been sable, upon which was displayed a white tree in blossom beneath seven stars.'''
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (iv) Gondor and the Heirs of Anárion
* Then Aragorn, being now the Heir of Isildur, was taken with his mother to dwell in the house of [[w:Elrond|Elrond]]; and Elrond took the place of his father and came to love him as a son of his own. But he was called Estel, that is ‘[[Hope]]’, and his true name and lineage were kept secret at the bidding of Elrond; for the Wise then knew that the Enemy was seeking to discover the Heir of Isildur, if any remained upon earth.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* '''But Elrond saw many things and read many hearts.''' One day, therefore, before the fall of the year he called Aragorn to his chamber, and he said: ‘Aragorn, Arathorn’s son, Lord of the Dúnedain, listen to me! A great doom awaits you, either to rise above the height of all your fathers since the days of Elendil, or to fall into darkness with all that is left of your kin. Many years of trial lie before you. You shall neither have wife, nor bind any woman to you in troth, until your time comes and you are found worthy of it.’
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* Then Aragorn took leave lovingly of Elrond; and the next day he said farewell to his mother, and to the house of Elrond, and to [[w:Arwen|Arwen]], and he went out into the wild. For nearly thirty years he laboured in the cause against Sauron; and he became a friend of [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]] the Wise, from whom he gained much wisdom. With him he made many perilous journeys, but as the years wore on he went more often alone. His ways were hard and long, and he became somewhat grim to look upon, unless he chanced to smile; and yet he seemed to Men worthy of honour, as a king that is in exile, when he did not hide his true shape. For he went in many guises, and won renown under many names.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* Thus he became at last the most hardy of living Men, skilled in their crafts and lore, and was yet more than they; for he was elven-wise, and there was a light in his eyes that when they were kindled few could endure. His face was sad and stern because of the doom that was laid on him, and yet hope dwelt ever in the depths of his heart, from which mirth would arise at times like a spring from the rock.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
* ''Ónen i-Estel Edain, ú-chebin estel anim.'' <br> (‘'''I gave Hope to the Dúnedain, I have kept no hope for myself.'''’)
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen ** Spoken by Gilraen; in the movie adaptation of ''The Return of the King'' the statement is made by Elrond (the first part) and Aragorn (the second, in reply)
[[File:Unico Anello.png|thumb|Let us not be overthrown at the final test, who of old renounced the Shadow and the [[w:One Ring|Ring]]. In sorrow we must go, but not in despair.]]
[[File:Spiritual Tree dsc06786 duo nevit.jpg|thumb|right|Arwen went forth from the House, and the light of her eyes was quenched, and it seemed to her people that she had become cold and grey as nightfall in winter that comes without a star.]]
* ‘Lady Undómiel,’ said Aragorn, ‘the hour is indeed hard, yet it was made even in that day when we met under the white birches in the garden of Elrond, where none now walk. And on the hill of Cerin Amroth when we forsook both the Shadow and the Twilight this doom we accepted. Take counsel with yourself, beloved, and ask whether you would indeed have me wait until I wither and fall from my high seat unmanned and witless. Nay, lady, I am the last of the Númenóreans and the latest King of the Elder Days; and to me has been given not only a span thrice that of Men of Middle-earth, but also the grace to go at my will, and give back the gift. Now, therefore, I will sleep. {{pb}} ‘I speak no comfort to you, for there is no comfort for such pain within the circles of the world. The uttermost choice is before you: to repent and go to the Havens and bear away into the West the memory of our days together that shall there be evergreen but never more than a memory; or else to abide the Doom of Men.’ {{pb}} ‘Nay, dear lord,’ she said, ‘that choice is long over. There is now no ship to bear me hence, and I must indeed abide the Doom of Men, whether I will or I nill: the loss and the silence. But I say to you, King of the Númenóreans, not till now have I understood the tale of your people and their fall. As wicked fools I scorned them, but I pity them at last. For if this is indeed, as the Eldar say, the gift of the One to Men, it is bitter to receive.’ {{pb}} ‘So it seems,’ he said. ‘But let us not be overthrown at the final test, who of old renounced the Shadow and the [[w:One Ring |Ring]]. In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! we are not bound forever in the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory. Farewell!’ {{pb}} ‘Estel, Estel!’ she cried, and with that even as he took her hand and kissed it, he fell into sleep. Then a great beauty was revealed in him, so that all who after came there looked on him in wonder; for they saw the grace of his youth, and the valour of his manhood, and the wisdom and majesty of his age were blended together. And long there he lay, an image of the splendour of the Kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world. {{pb}} But Arwen went forth from the House, and the light of her eyes was quenched, and it seemed to her people that she had become cold and grey as nightfall in winter that comes without a star. Then she said farewell to Eldarion, and to her daughters, and to all whom she had loved; and she went out from the city of Minas Tirith and passed away to the land of Lórien, and dwelt there alone under the fading trees until winter came. Galadriel had passed away and Celeborn also was gone, and the land was silent. {{pb}} There at last when the mallorn-leaves were falling, but spring had not yet come, she laid herself to rest upon Cerin Amroth; and there is her green grave, until the world is changed, and all the days of her life are utterly forgotten by the men that come after, and elanor and niphredil bloom no more east of the Sea.
** Appx A, I The Númenórean Kings, (v) A Part of the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen
[[File:Balin.jpg|thumb|right|Yet things might have gone far otherwise and far worse.]]
* We have heard tell that Legolas took Gimli Glóin’s son with him because of their great friendship, greater than any that has been between Elf and Dwarf. If this is true, then it is strange indeed: that a Dwarf should be willing to leave Middle-earth for any love, or that the Eldar should receive him, or that the Lords of the West should permit it. But it is said that Gimli went also out of desire to see again the beauty of Galadriel; and it may be that she, being mighty among the Eldar, obtained this grace for him. More cannot be said of this matter.
** Appx A, III Durin's Folk
* Yet things might have gone far otherwise and far worse. When you think of the great [[w:Battle of the Pelennor Fields|Battle of the Pelennor]], do not forget the battles in Dale and the valour of Durin’s Folk. Think of what might have been. Dragon-fire and savage swords in Eriador, night in Rivendell. There might be no Queen in Gondor. We might now hope to return from the victory here only to ruin and ash. But that has been averted — because I met [[w:Thorin Oakenshield|Thorin Oakenshield]] one evening on the edge of spring in Bree. '''A chance-meeting, as we say in Middle-earth.'''
** Appx A, III Durin's Folk
** [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]]’s words to [[w:Frodo|Frodo]] and [[w:Gimli (Middle-earth)|Gimli]] concerning the battle in Dale
== External links ==
* [http://www.tolkien.co.uk HarperCollins: UK & Worldwide Publishers]
* [http://www.houghtonmifflinbooks.com/features/lordoftheringstrilogy Houghton Mifflin: US Publisher]
* [http://www.lordoftherings.net Official Site of the Movie Trilogy]
<small> The first volume of Tolkien’s greatly acclaimed epic was first published July 29, 1954, the second on November 11 of the same year, and the final volume on October 20, 1955. </small>
<br clear="all">
[[Category:Works by J. R. R. Tolkien]]
[[Category:Fantasy books]]
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[[File:Heschel.JPG|thumb|The great yearning that sweeps [[eternity]] is a yearning to [[praise]], a yearning to [[serve]].]]
'''[[w:Abraham Joshua Heschel|Abraham Joshua Heschel]]''' l ([[11 January]] [[1907]] – [[23 December]] [[1972]]) was a Polish-born American [[w:Rabbi|rabbi]], considered by many to be one of the most significant Jewish [[theologian]]s of the 20th century.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Goe Platz der Synagoge Detail 2.jpg|thumb|The time for [[Kingdom of God|the kingdom]] may be far off, but the task is plain: to retain our share in [[God]] in spite of peril and contempt.]]
[[File:Maurycy Gottlieb - Jews Praying in the Synagogue on Yom Kippur.jpg|thumb|Loyal to the presence of the ultimate in the common, we may be able to make it clear that [[Humanity|man]] is more than man, that in doing the finite he may perceive the [[infinite]].]]
[[File:Metatrons cube.svg|thumb|We are closer to [[God]] when we are asking questions than when we think we have the answers.]]
* '''The time for [[Kingdom of God|the kingdom]] may be far off, but the task is plain: to retain our share in [[God]] in spite of peril and contempt. There is a war to wage against the vulgar, the glorification of the [[absurd]], a war that is incessant, universal.''' Loyal to the presence of the ultimate in the common, we may be able to make it clear that man is more than man, that in doing the finite he may perceive the [[infinite]].
** "The Meaning of Jewish Existence" in ''The Torch'' (1950)
* '''He who is satisfied has never truly craved, and he who craves for the light of God neglects his ease for ardor, his life for love, knowing that contentment is the shadow not the light. The great yearning that sweeps [[eternity]] is a yearning to praise, a yearning to serve.''' And when the waves of that yearning swell in our souls all the barriers are pushed aside: the crust of callousness, the hysteria of vanity, the orgies of arrogance. For it is not the I that trembles alone, it is not a stir out of my soul but an eternal flutter that sweeps us all. No code, no law, even the law of God, can set a pattern for all of our living. It is not enough to have the right ideas. For the will, not reason, has the executive power in the realm of living. The will is stronger than reason and does not blindly submit to the dictates of rational principles. Reason may force the mind to accept intellectually its conclusions. Yet what is the power that will make me love to do what I ought to do?
** ''Man Is Not Alone: A Philosophy Of Religion'' (1951), Ch. 24: The Great Yearning; The Yearning for Spiritual Living<!-- p. 259 -->
* '''The greatest problem is not how to continue but how to exalt our existence. The call for a life beyond the grave is presumptuous, if there is no cry for eternal life prior to our descending to the grave.''' [[Eternity]] is not perpetual future but perpetual presence. He has planted in us the seed of eternal life. The world to come is not only a hereafter but also a ''here-now''.
** ''Man Is Not Alone: A Philosophy Of Religion'' (1951), Ch. 26: The Pious Man; Our Destiny is to Aid
* We do not step out of the world when we pray; we merely see the world in a different setting. '''The self is not the hub but the spoke of the revolving wheel.''' It is precisely the function of prayer to shift the center of living from self-consciousness to self-surrender.
** ''Man's Quest For God: Studies In Prayer And Symbolism'' (1954), p. 7; Heschel would later use this analogy in several minor variations in other writings.<!-- also "In the Mirror of the Holy", in ''I Asked for Wonder: A Spiritual Anthology'' (1983) edited by Samuel H. Dresner, p. 20 -->
*'''Some are guilty, but all are responsible.'''
**"The Religious Basis of Equality of Opportunity—The Segregation of God" (1963) in ''Race: Challenge to Religion'' (1963) Edited by Mathew Ahmann.
* '''Pagans exalt sacred things, the Prophets extol sacred deeds.'''
** ''The Earth Is The Lord's: And The Sabbath'' (1963), p. 14
* We forfeit the right to worship God as long as we continue to humiliate negroes. … '''The hour calls for moral grandeur and spiritual audacity.'''
** Telegram to President [[John F. Kennedy]] (16 June 1963)
* The Biblical words about the genesis of heaven and earth are not words of information but words of appreciation. The story of creation is not a description of how the world came into being but a song about the glory of the world's having come into being.
** ''The Wisdom of Heschel'' (1970), p. 150
* There is immense silent agony in the world, and the task of man is to be a voice for the plundered poor, to prevent the desecration of the soul and the violation of our dream of honesty. {{pb}} The more deeply immersed I became in the thinking of the [[prophets]], the more powerfully it became clear to me what the lives of the Prophets sought to convey: that '''morally speaking, there is no limit to the concern one must feel for the [[suffering]] of human beings, that indifference to evil is worse than evil itself, that in a free society, some are guilty, but all are responsible.'''
** [http://www.shalomctr.org/node/61 "The Reasons for My Involvement in the Peace Movement" (1972)]; later included in ''Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity'' (1996)
* Man's [[sin]] is in his failure to live what he is. Being the master of the earth, man forgets that he is the servant of God.
** As quoted in ''The World's Religions'' (1976) by Sir James Norman Dalrymple Anderson, p. 61
* Worship is a way of seeing the world in the light of God.
** "The Light of God" in ''I Asked for Wonder: A Spiritual Anthology'' (1983) edited by Samuel H. Dresner, p. 20
[[File:St Annes Church Manchester England TETRAGRAMMATON.jpg|thumb|Feeling becomes [[prayer]] in the moment in which we [[Kenosis|forget ourselves]] and become aware of God.]]
*'''The focus of [[prayer]] is not the [[self]]. … It is the momentary disregard of our personal concerns, the absence of self-centered thoughts, which constitute the art of prayer.''' [[Feeling]] becomes [[prayer]] in the [[moment]] in which we [[Kenosis|forget ourselves]] and become [[aware]] of [[God]]. ... Thus, in beseeching Him for bread, there is ''one'' instant, at least, in which our mind is directed neither to our hunger nor to food, but to His mercy. This instant is prayer. We start with a personal concern and live to feel the utmost.
** As quoted in ''Judaism'' (1998) by Arthur Hertzberg, p. 300
** Variant: "It is the momentary disregard of our personal concerns, the absence of self-centered thoughts, which constitute the act of prayer."
* '''We are closer to [[God]] when we are asking questions than when we think we have the answers.'''
** As quoted in ''SQ: Connecting with Our Spiritual Intelligence'' (2000) by [[Danah Zohar]] and Ian Marshall, p. 15
===''The Sabbath'' (1951)===
* '''There is a realm of time where the goal is not to have but to [[Being|be]], not to own but to [[give]], not to control but to [[share]], not to subdue but to be in [[accord]]. Life goes wrong when the control of space, the acquisition of things of space, becomes our sole concern.'''
**Prologue p. 3
*In our daily lives we attend primarily to that which the senses are spelling out for us: to what the eyes perceive, to what the fingers touch. Reality to us is ''thinghood'', consisting of substances that occupy space; even God is conceived by most of us as a thing. The result of our ''thinginess'' is our blindness to all reality that fails to identify itself as a thing, as a matter of fact.
**Prologue p. 5
*The higher goal of spiritual living is not to amass a wealth of information, but to face sacred moments
**Prologue p. 6
*Spiritual life begins to decay when we fail to sense the grandeur of what is [[eternal]] in time.
**Prologue p. 6
*Judaism teaches us to be attached to holiness in time, to attached to sacred events, to learn how to consecrate sanctuaries that emerge from the magnificent stream of year. The Sabbaths are our great cathedrals; and our Holy of Holies is a shrine that neither the Romans nor the Germans were able to burn.
**Prologue p. 8
*The meaning of the Sabbath is to celebrate time rather than space. Six days a week we live under the tyranny of things of space; on the Sabbath we try to become attuned to holiness in time. It is a day on which we are called upon to share in what is eternal in time, to turn from the results of creation to the mystery of creation; from the world of creation to the creation of the world.
**Prologue p. 10
=== ''The Prophets'' (1962) ===
[[File:Paris Synagogue Copernic Oberlicht1422.JPG|thumb|One must forget many clichés in order to behold a single image. [[Insight]] is the beginning of perceptions to come rather than the extension of perceptions gone by.]]
* '''One must forget many clichés in order to behold a single image. Insight is the beginning of perceptions to come rather than the extension of perceptions gone by.''' Conventional seeing, operating as it does with patterns and coherences, is a way of seeing the present in the past tense. Insight is an attempt to think in the present. … Insight is knowledge at first sight.
** Introduction
* The striking surprise is that prophets of Israel were tolerated at all by their people. To the patriots, they seemed pernicious; to the pious multitude, blasphemous; to the men in authority, seditious.
** Volume 1, p. 19
* To [[Hosea]], marriage is the image of the relationship of God and Israel. ... Idolatry is adultery.
** Volume 1, p. 50
* Why were so few voices raised in the ancient world in protest against the ruthlessness of man? Why are human beings so obsequious, ready to kill and ready to die at the call of kings and chieftains? Perhaps it is because they worship might, venerate those who command might, and are convinced that it is by force that man prevails. The splendor and the pride of kings blind the people.
** "The idolatry of might," Volume 1, p. 159
* "The gods are on the side of the stronger," according to [[Tacitus]]. The prophets proclaimed that the heart of God is on the side of the weaker. God's special concern is not for the mighty and the successful, but for the lowly and the downtrodden, for the stranger and the poor, for the widow and the orphan.
** Volume 1, p. 167
* The prophets never taught that God and history are one, or that whatever happens below reflects the will of God above. Their vision is of man defying God, and God seeking man to reconcile with him.
** p. 168
* It is an act of [[evil]] to [[accept]] the state of evil as either inevitable or final.
** Volume 1, p. 181
* The opposite of [[freedom]] is not [[determinism]], but [[hardness of heart]]. Freedom presupposes openness of heart, of mind, of eye and ear.
** Volume 1, p. 191
* Freedom is not a natural disposition, but God's precious gift to man. Those in whom viciousness becomes second-nature, those in whom brutality is linked with haughtiness, forfeit their ability and therefore their right to receive that gift. Hardening of the heart is the suspension of freedom.
** Volume 1, p. 191
=== ''Who Is Man?'' (1965) ===
[[File:I Wonder.jpg|thumb|[[Wonder]], or [[radical]] amazement, is a way of going beyond what is given in thing and [[thought]], refusing to take anything for granted, to regard anything as final.]]
[[File:Victors Ruth swearing her allegiance to Naomi.jpg|thumb|[[Love]] of ultimate [[meaning]] is not self-centered but rather a concern to transcend the [[self]].]]
<!--[[File:AJ Heschel school 270 W89 jeh.jpg|thumb|My power of probing is easily exhausted, my words fade, but what I sense is not emptiness but inexhaustible [[abundance]], ineffable abundance.]]
[[File:Caspar David Friedrich - Wanderer above the sea of fog.jpg|thumb| We manipulate what is available on the surface of the [[world]]; we must also stand in awe before the mystery of the world.]]
[[File:Atlanta Flacons (51156690000).jpg|thumb| Accustomed to think in terms of space, the expression "being points beyond itself" may be taken to denote a higher point in space. What is meant, however, is a higher category than being: the power of maintaining being.]]
[[File:Abraham Joshua Heschel and Samuel A. Fryer.jpg|thumb|[[Acceptance]] is [[appreciation]], and the high value of appreciation is such that to appreciate appreciation seems to be the fundamental prerequisite for [[survival]].]]-->
* '''[[Wonder]], or radical amazement, is a way of going beyond what is given in thing and thought, refusing to take anything for granted, to regard anything as final.''' It is our honest response to the grandeur and mystery of reality our confrontation with that which transcends the given.
** Ch. 4<!-- p. 79 -->
* It would be a contradiction in terms to assume that the attainment of transcendent meaning consists in comprehending a notion. Transcendence can never be an object of possession or of comprehension. Yet man can relate himself and be engaged to it. He must know how to court meaning in order to be engaged in it. '''Love of ultimate meaning is not self-centered but rather a concern to transcend the self.'''
** Ch. 4<!-- p. 79 -->
* Ultimate meaning is not grasped once and for all in the form of timeless idea, acquired once and for all, securely preserved in conviction. It is not simply given. It comes upon us as an intimation that comes and goes. What is left behind is a memory, and a commitment to that memory. Our words do not describe it, our tools do not wield it. But sometimes it seems as if our very being were its description, its secret tool.
** Ch. 4<!-- p. 79 -->
* The anchor of meaning resides in an abyss, deeper than the reach of despair. Yet the abyss is not not infinite; its bottom may suddenly be discovered within the confines of a human heart or under the debris of might doubts. {{pb}} This may be the vocation of man: to say "Amen" to being and to the Author of being; to live in defiance of absurdity, notwithstanding futility and defeat; to attain faith in God even in spite of God.
** Ch. 4<!-- p. 80 -->
* '''The sense of meaning is not born in ease and sloth.''' It comes after bitter trials, disappointments in the glitters, foundering, strandings. It is the marrow from the bone. There is no manna in our wilderness. {{pb}} '''Thought is not bred apart from experience or from inner surroundings.''' Thinking is living, and no thought is bred in an isolated cell in the brain. No thought is an island.
** Ch. 5<!-- Manipulation and appreciation, p. 81 -->
* '''Ultimately there is no power to narcissistic, self-indulgent thinking. Authentic thinking originates with an encounter with the world.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- Manipulation and appreciation, p. 81 -->
* Human being is both being in the world and living in the world. '''Living involves responsible understanding of one's role in relation to all other beings.''' For living is not being in itself, but living of the world, affecting, exploiting, consuming, comprehending, deriving, depriving.
** Ch. 5<!-- Manipulation and appreciation, p. 81 -->
* '''There are two primary ways in which mans relates himself to the world that surround him: ''manipulation'' and ''appreciation''.''' In the first way he sees in what surrounds him things to be handled, forces to be managed, objects to be put to use. In the second way he sees in what surrounds him things to be acknowledged, understood, valued or admired.
** Ch. 5<!-- Manipulation and appreciation, p. 82 -->
* '''Fellowship depends on appreciation while manipulation is the cause of alienation''': objects and I apart, things stand dead, and I am alone. What is more decisive: '''a life of manipulation distorts the image of the world. Reality is equated with availability: What I can manipulate is, what I cannot manipulate is not. A life of manipulation is the death of transcendence.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- Manipulation and appreciation, p. 82 -->
* '''Acceptance is appreciation, and the high value of appreciation is such that to appreciate appreciation seems to be the fundamental prerequisite for survival. Mankind will not die for lack of information; it may perish for lack of appreciation.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- Disavowal of transcendence, p. 83 -->
* As a result of letting the drive for power dominate existence, man is bound to lose his sense for nature's otherness. Nature becomes a utensil, an object to be used. '''The world ceases to be that which is and becomes that which is available. {{pb}} It is a submissive world that modern man is in the habit of sensing, and he seems content with the riches of thinghood.''' Space is the limit of his ambitions, and there is little he desires besides it. Correspondingly, mans consciousness recedes more and more in the process of reducing his status to that of a consumer and manipulator. He has enclosed himself in the availability of things, with the shutters down and no sight of what is beyond availability.
** Ch. 5<!-- Disavowal of transcendence, p. 83 -->
* '''Exclusive manipulation results in the dissolution of awareness of all transcendence.''' Promise becomes a pretext, God becomes a symbol, truth a fiction, loyalty tentative, the holy a mere convention. Mans very existence devours all transcendence. Instead of facing the grandeur of the cosmos, he explains it away; instead of beholding, he takes a picture; instead of hearing a voice, he tapes it. He does not see what he is able to face. There is a suspension of mans sense of the holy. His mind is becoming a wall instead of being a door open to what is larger than the scope of his comprehension. He locks himself out of the world by reducing all reality to mere things and all relationship to mere manipulation. '''Transcendence is not an article of faith. It is what we come upon immediately when standing face to face with reality.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- Disavowal of transcendence, p. 84 -->
* '''The perceptibility of things is not the end of their being.''' Their surface is available to our tools, their depth is immune to our inquisitiveness. {{pb}} Things are both available and immune. We penetrate their physical givenness, we cannot intuit their secret. We measure what they exhibit, we know how they function, but we also know that we do not know what they are, what they stand for, what they imply.
** Ch. 5<!-- Disavowal of transcendence, p. 85 -->
* '''Man is naturally self-centered and he is inclined to regard expediency as the supreme standard for what is right and wrong.''' However, we must not convert an inclination into an axiom that just as man's perceptions cannot operate outside time and space, so his motivations cannot operate outside expediency; that man can never transcend his own self. '''The most fatal trap into which thinking may fall is the equation of existence and expediency.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- Existence and expediency, p. 85 -->
* The supremacy of expediency is being refuted by time and truth. Time is an essential dimension of existence defiant of man's power, and truth reigns in supreme majesty, unrivaled, inimitable, and can never be defeated.<!-- Man cannot fabricate it but only submit to it. Anteceding man, truth is a prefiguration of transcendence. -->
** Ch. 5<!-- Existence and expediency, p. 85 -->
* Authentic existence involves exaltation, sensitivity to the holy, awareness of indebtedness. {{pb}} '''Existence without transcendence is a way of living where things become idols and idols become monsters.''' {{pb}} Denial of transcendence contradicts the essential truth of being human. Its roots can be traced either to stolidity of self-contentment or to superciliousness of contempt, to moods rather than to comprehensive awareness of the totality and mystery of being. {{pb}} '''Denial of transcendence which claims to unveil the truth of being is an inner contradiction, since the truth of being is not within being or within our consciousness of being but rather a truth that transcends our being.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- Existence and expediency, p. 86 -->
* '''Essential to education for being human is to cultivate a sense for the inexpedient, to disclose the fallacy of absolute expediency.''' God's voice may sound feeble to our conscience. Yet there is a divine cunning in history which seems to prove that the wages of absolute expediency is disaster. {{pb}} '''Happiness is not a synonym for self-satisfaction, complacency, or smugness. Self-satisfaction breeds futility and despair.''' Self-satisfaction is the opiate of fools.
** Ch. 5<!-- Existence and expediency, p. 86 -->
* '''New insight begins when satisfaction comes to an end, when all that has been seen, said, or done looks like a distortion.''' … Man's true fulfillment depends on communion with that which transcends him.
** Ch. 5<!-- Existence and expediency, p. 86 -->
* In our reflection we must go back to where we stand in [[awe]] before sheer being, faced with the marvel of the [[moment]]. The world is not just here. It shocks us into amazement. {{pb}} '''Of being itself all we can positively say is: being is ineffable.''' The heart of being confronts me as enigmatic, incompatible with my categories, sheer mystery. '''My power of probing is easily exhausted, my words fade, but what I sense is not emptiness but inexhaustible abundance, ineffable abundance.''' What I face I cannot utter or phrase in language. But the richness of my facing the abundance of being endows me with marvelous reward: a sense of the ineffable.
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 87 -->
* Being as we know it, the world as we come upon it, stands before us as otherness, remoteness. For all our efforts to exploit or comprehend it, it remains evasive, mysteriously immune. '''Being is unbelievable.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 87 -->
* '''Our concern with environment cannot be reduced to what can be used, to what can be grasped.''' Environment includes not only the inkstand and the blotting paper, but also the impenetrable stillness in the air, the stars, the clouds, the quiet passing of time, the wonder of my own being. '''I am an end as well as a means, and so is the world: an end as well as a means. My view of the world and my understanding of the self determine each other. The complete manipulation of the world results in the complete instrumentalization of the self.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 88 -->
* The world presents itself in two ways to me. The world as a thing I own, the world as a mystery I face. What I own is a trifle, what I face is sublime. I am careful not to waste what I own; I must learn not to miss what I face. {{pb}} '''We manipulate what is available on the surface of the world; we must also stand in awe before the mystery of the world.''' We objectify Being but we also are present at Being in wonder, in radical amazement. {{pb}} All we have is a sense of awe and radical amazement in the face of a mystery that staggers our ability to sense it.
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 88 -->
[[File:John Martin - Destruction of Tyre - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|[[Awe]] is more than an emotion; it is a way of understanding, insight into a meaning greater than ourselves. The beginning of awe is wonder, and the beginning of wisdom is awe. {{pb}} Awe is an intuition for the dignity of all things, a realization that things not only are what they are but also stand, however remotely, for something supreme.]]
* '''Awe is more than an emotion; it is a way of understanding, insight into a meaning greater than ourselves.''' The beginning of awe is wonder, and the beginning of wisdom is awe. {{pb}} '''Awe is an intuition for the dignity of all things, a realization that things not only are what they are but also stand, however remotely, for something supreme.''' Awe is a sense for transcendence, for the reference everywhere to mystery beyond all things. It enables us to perceive in the world intimations of the divine, to sense in small things the beginning of infinite significance, to sense the ultimate in the common and the simple: to feel in the rush of the passing the stillness of the eternal. What we cannot comprehend by analysis, we become aware of in awe.
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 88 - 89 -->
[[File:Portrait of Moses Maimonides in Thesaurus antiquitatum sacrarum.tif|thumb|[[Faith]] is not belief, an assent to a proposition, faith is attachment to the [[meaning]] beyond the [[mystery]].]]
* '''Faith is not belief, an assent to a proposition, faith is attachment to the meaning beyond the mystery.''' {{pb}} '''Knowledge is fostered by curiosity; wisdom is fostered by awe. ''Awe precedes faith; it is the root of faith.'' We must be guided by awe to be worthy of faith. ''' {{pb}} Forfeit your sense of awe, let your conceit diminish your ability to revere, and the world becomes a market place for you. '''The loss of awe is the avoidance of insight. A return to reverence is the first prerequisite for a revival of wisdom, for the discovery of the world as an allusion to God.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 89 -->
*In his great vision [[Isaiah]] perceives the voice of the [[w:seraphim|seraphim]] even before he hears the voice of the Lord. What is it that the seraphim reveal? "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of His glory." {{pb}} Holy, holy, holy — indicate the transcendence and distance of God. The whole earth is full of His glory — the immanence or presence of God. The outwardness of the world communicates something of the indwelling greatness of God. {{pb}} The glory is neither an aesthetic nor physical quality. It is sensed in grandeur, but it is more than grandeur. It is ''a presence or the effulgence of a presence.'' {{pb}} The whole earth is full of His glory, but we do not perceive it; it is within our reach but beyond our grasp. And still it is not entirely unknown to us.
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 89 -->
* In English the phrase that a person has "a presence" is hard to define. There are people whose being here and now is felt, even though they do not display themselves in action and speech. They have a "presence." … Of a person whose outwardness communicates something of his indwelling power or greatness, whose soul is radiant and conveys itself without words, we say he has presence. {{pb}} '''Standing face to face with the world, we often sense a presence which surpasses our ability to comprehend.''' The world is too much with us. It is crammed with marvel. '''There is a glory, an aura, that lies about all beings, a spiritual setting of reality.''' {{pb}} To the religious man it is as if things stood with their backs to him, their faces turned to God, as if the glory of things consisted in their being an object of divine care.
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 90 -->
* '''Being is both presence and absence. God had to conceal His presence in order to bring the world into being.''' He had to make His absence possible in order to make room for the world's presence. Coming into being brought along denial and defiance, absence, oblivion and resistance.
** Ch. 5<!-- The sense of the ineffable, p. 90 -->
* '''Being points beyond itself.''' {{pb}} Accustomed to think in terms of space, the expression "being points beyond itself" may be taken to denote a higher point in space. What is meant, however, is a higher category than being: the power of maintaining being.
** Ch. 5<!-- Pathos, p. 90 -->
* Being is either open to, or dependent on, what is more than being, namely, the care for being, or it is a cul-de-sac, to be explained in terms of self-sufficiency. The weakness of the first possibility is in its reference to a mystery; the weakness of the second possibility is in its pretension to offer a rational explanation. {{pb}} Nature, the sum of its laws, may be sufficient to explain in its own terms how facts behave within nature; it does not explain why they behave at all. '''Some tacit assumptions of the theory of insufficiency remain problematic.'''
** Ch. 5<!-- Pathos, p. 91 -->
* The idea of dependence is an explanation, whereas self-sufficiency is an unprecedented, nonanalogous concept in terms of what we know about life within nature. Is not self-sufficiency itself insufficient to explain self-sufficiency?
** Ch. 5<!-- Pathos, p. 91 -->
* Being is transcended by a concern for being. {{pb}} Our perplexity will not be solved by relating human existence to a timeless, subpersonal abstraction which we call essence. We can do justice to human being only by relating it to the transcendent care for being.
** Ch. 5<!-- Pathos, p. 91 -->
=== ''Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays'' (1997) ===
[[File:Köln-Tora-und-Innenansicht-Synagoge-Glockengasse-040.JPG|thumb|The [[w:Torah|Torah]] has not imposed upon [[Israel]] a tyranny of the spirit. It does not violate human nature.]]
[[File:Foster Bible Pictures 0069-1 Moses Throws the Tablet of Stone.jpg|thumb|[[Religion]] is critique of all satisfaction. Its end is joy, but its beginning is discontent, detesting boasts, smashing [[idols]]. … The ultimate is a challenge, not an assertion. Dogmas are allusions, not descriptions.]]
<!--[[File:Manual of the Lodge p22.png|thumb| Each [[soul]] seeks the ladder in order to ascend above; but the ladder cannot be found. … Be what it may, one must leap until [[God]], in His [[mercy]], makes exultation come about.]]
[[File:Moses041.jpg|thumb|[[Faith]] is something that comes out of the soul. It is not an information that is absorbed but an attitude, existing prior to the formulation of any creed.]]
[[File:Abraham Joshua Heschel School in NYC 05.jpg|thumb|[[Faith]] does not detach a man from thinking, it does not suspend reason. It is opposed not to knowledge but to backwardness and dullness, to indifferent aloofness to the essence of living.]]-->
[[File:Genesis on egg cropped.jpg|thumb|The strength of [[faith]] is in silence, and in words that hibernate and wait.]]
* The [[w:Torah|Torah]] has not imposed upon Israel a tyranny of the spirit. It does not violate human nature. On the contrary, '''the road to the sacred leads through the secular.''' The spiritual rests upon the carnal, like "the Spirit that hovers over the face of the water. " Jewish living means living according to a system of checks and balances. We are not asked anything that cannot be responded to. We are not told: Love thy enemy, but Do not hate him, and positively: "If thou meet thine enemy's ox or his ass going astray, thou shalt surely bring it back to him again." (''Exodus'' 23:4).
** "No TIme for Neutrality", p. 77
* ''The issue of prayer is not prayer; the issue of prayer is God.'' One cannot pray unless he has faith in his own ability to accost the infinite, merciful, eternal God.
** "No TIme for Neutrality", p. 107
* Society today is no longer in revolt against particular laws which it finds alien, unjust, and imposed, but against law as such, against the principle of law. And yet we must not regard this revolt as entirely negative. The energy that rejects many obsolete laws is an entirely positive impulse for renewal of life and law.
** "No Religion is an Island", p. 264
* '''Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy.''' And yet being alive is no answer to the problems of living. '''To be or not to be is not the question. The vital question is: how to be and how not to be? {{pb}} The tendency to forget this vital question is the tragic disease of contemporary man, a disease that may prove fatal, that may end in disaster.''' To pray is to recollect ''passionately'' the perpetual urgency of this vital question.
** "No Religion is an Island", p. 264
* '''One of the results of the rapid depersonalization of our age is a crisis of speech, profanation of language.''' We have trifled with the name of God, we have taken the name and the word of the Holy in vain. '''Language has been reduced to labels, talk has become double-talk. We are in the process of losing faith in the reality of words.'''{{pb}} Yet prayer can happen only when words reverberate with power and inner life, when uttered as an earnest, as a promise. On the other hand, there is a high degree of obsolescence in the traditional language of the theology of prayer. '''Renewal of prayer calls for a renewal of language, of cleansing the words, of revival of meanings. {{pb}} The strength of faith is in silence, and in words that hibernate and wait.''' Uttered faith must come out as a surplus of silence, as the fruit of lived faith, of enduring intimacy. {{pb}} Theological education must deepen privacy, strive for daily renewal of innerness, cultivate ingredients of religious existence, ''reverence'' and ''responsibility''.
** "No Religion is an Island", p. 264
* '''Religion is critique of all satisfaction.''' Its end is joy, but its beginning is discontent, detesting boasts, smashing [[idols]]. It began in [[w:Ur Kaśdim|Ur Kasdim]], in the seat of a magnificent civilization. Yet [[Abraham]] said, "No," breaking the idols, breaking away. And so every one of us must begin by saying no to all visible, definable entities pretending to be triumphant, ultimate. '''The ultimate is a challenge, not an assertion. Dogmas are allusions, not descriptions.'''
** "No Religion is an Island", p. 264
* This is the predicament of man. All souls descend a ladder form heaven to the world. Then the ladders are taken away. Once they are in this world, they are called upon from heaven to rise, to come back. It is a call that goes out again and again. Each soul seeks the ladder in order to ascend above; but the ladder cannot be found. Most people make no effort to ascend, claiming, how can one rise to heaven without a ladder? However, there are souls which resolve to leap upwards without a ladder. So they jump and fall down. They jump and fall down, until they stop. Wise people think that since no ladder exists, there must be another way. We must face the challenge and act. Be what it may, one must leap until God, in His mercy, makes exultation come about.
** "No Religion is an Island", p. 266
* '''It seems as though we have arrived at a point in history, closest to the instincts and remotest from ideals, where the self stands like a wall between God and man.''' It is the period of a divine eclipse. We sail the seas, we count the stars, we split the atom, but never ask: Is there nothing but a dead universe and our reckless curiosity? {{pb}} Primitive man's humble ear was alert to the inwardness of the world, while the modern man is presumptuous enough to claim that he has the sole monopoly over soul and spirit, that he is the only thing alive in the universe. … But there is a dawn of wonder and surprise in our souls, when the things that surround us suddenly slip off the triteness with which we have endowed them, and their strangeness opens like a gap between them and our mind, a gap that no words can fill. … What is the incense of self-esteem to him who tastes in all things the flavor of the utterly unknown, the fragrance of what is beyond our senses? '''There are neither skies nor oceans, neither birds nor trees — there are only signs of what can never be perceived.''' And all power and beauty are mere straws in the fire of a pure man's vision.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 329
* He who has ever been confronted with the ultimate and has realized that sun and stars and souls do not ramble in a vacuum will keep his heart in readiness for the hour when the world is entranced, awaits a soul to breathe in the mystery that all things exhale in their craving for salvation. For things are not mute. The stillness is full of demands. '''Out of the world comes a behest to instill into the air a rapturous song for God, to incarnate in the stones a [[message]] of humble beauty, and to instill a prayer for goodness in the hearts of all children.'''
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 330
[[File:Blake jacobsladder.jpg|thumb|The [[system]] of [[meanings]] that permeates the [[universe]] is like an endless flight of stairs. Even when the upper stairs are beyond our sight, we constantly rise toward the distant [[goal]].]]
* '''[[Faith]] is sensitiveness to what transcends nature, knowledge and will, awareness of the ultimate, alertness to the holy dimension of all reality.''' Faith is a force in man, lying deeper than the stratum of reason and its nature cannot be defined in abstract, static terms. To have faith is not to infer the beyond from the wretched here, but to perceive the wonder that is here and to be stirred by the desire to integrate the self into the holy order of living. It is not a deduction but an intuition, not a form of knowledge, of being convinced without proof, but the attitude of mind toward ideas whose scope is wider than its own capacity to grasp. {{pb}} Such alertness grows from the sense for the meaningful, for the marvel of matter, for the core of thoughts. It is begotten in passionate love for the significance of all reality, in devotion to the ultimate meaning which is only God. By our very existence we are in dire need of meaning, and anything that calls for meaning is always an allusion to Him. '''We live by the certainty that we are not dust in the wind, that our life is related to the ultimate, the meaning of all meanings.''' And the system of meanings that permeates the universe is like an endless flight of stairs. Even when the upper stairs are beyond our sight, we constantly rise toward the distant goal.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 330
[[File:William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905) - Tête d'Etude l'Oiseau (1867).jpg|thumb|Those who are open to the [[wonder]] will not miss it. [[Faith]] is found in solicitude for faith, in an inner care for the wonder that is everywhere.]]
* Instead of indulging in jealousy, greed, in relishing themselves, there are men who keep their hearts alert to the stillness in which time rolls on and leaves us behind. … those who are open to the wonder will not miss it. Faith is found in solicitude for faith, in an inner care for the wonder that is everywhere.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 331
* Only straight discovering in the nearest stone or tree, sound or thought, the shelter of His often desecrated goodness, the treasury of His waiting form man's heart to affiliate with His will — this is the rapture of faith. It is an echo to a pleading voice, a reply to the inconceivable in all beauty.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 331
* '''Faith is an awareness of divine mutuality and companionship, a form of communion between God and man.''' It is not a psychical quality, something that exists in the mind only, but a force from the beyond.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 331
* '''Faith is not the clinging to a shrine but the endless, tameless pilgrimage of hearts.'''
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 332
* '''Those of faith who plant sacred thoughts in the uplands of time, the secret gardeners of the Lord in mankind's desolate hopes, may slacken and tarry but rarely betray their vocation.'''
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 332
* '''He whose soul is charged with awareness of God earns his inner livelihood by a passionate desire to pour his life into the eternal wells of love. … We do not live for our own sake. Life would be preposterous if not for the love it confers. {{pb}} '''Faith implies no denial of evil, no disregard of danger, no whitewashing of the abominable. He whose heart is given to faith is mindful of the obstructive and awry, of the sinister and pernicious. It is God's strange dominion over both good and evil on which he relies. … Faith is not a mechanical insurance but a dynamic, personal act, flowing between the heart of man and the love of God.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 333
* '''Not the individual man nor a single generation by its own power can erect the bridge that leads to God. Faith is the achievement of many generations, and effort accumulated over many centuries. … There is a collective memory of God in the human spirit, and it is this memory which is the main source of our faith.'''
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 333
* '''Faith is not a thing that comes into being out of nothing. It originates in an event.''' In the spiritual vacancy of life something may suddenly occur that is like the lifting of a veil at the horizon of knowledge. A simple episode may open sight of the eternal. '''A shift of conceptions, boisterous like a tempest of soft as a breeze may swerve a mind for an instant or forever. For God is not wholly silent and man is not always deaf.''' God's willingness to call men to His service and man's responsiveness to the divine indications in things and events are for faith what sun and soil are for the plant.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 333
* The riches of the soul are stored up in its memory. this is the test of character, not whether a man follows the daily fashion, but whether the past is alive in his present.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 333
* Only those who are spiritually imitators, only people who are afraid to be grateful and too weak to be loyal, have nothing but the present moment. The mark of nobility is inherited possession. '''To a noble person it is a holy joy to remember, an overwhelming thrill to be grateful, while to a person whose character is neither rich nor strong, gratitude is a most painful sensation.''' The secret of wisdom is never to get lost in a momentary mood or passion, never to forget a friendship over a momentary grievance, never to lose sight of the lasting values over a transitory episode.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 334
* Much of what the Bible demands can be comprised in one imperative: Remember!
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 334
[[File:MyArt Abraham-Heschel 1968c.jpg|thumb|There are many [[creeds]] but only one [[faith]]. Creeds may change, develop, and grow flat, while the substance of faith remains the same in all ages. … The proper relation is a minimum of creed and a maximum of faith.]]
[[File:Tetragrammaton Sefardi.jpg|thumb|In the realm of [[faith]], [[God]] is not a hypothesis derived from logical assumptions, but an immediate insight, self-evident as light. To rationalists He is something after which they seek in the darkness with the light of their reason. To men of faith He ''is'' the light.]]
* '''There are many creeds but only one faith. Creeds may change, develop, and grow flat, while the substance of faith remains the same in all ages.''' The overgrowth of creed may bring about the disintegration of that substance. '''The proper relation is a minimum of creed and a maximum of faith.'''
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 335 - 336
* '''In the realm of faith, God is not a hypothesis derived from logical assumptions, but an immediate insight, self-evident as light.''' To rationalists He is something after which they seek in the darkness with the light of their reason. '''To men of faith He ''is'' the light.'''
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 337.
** Heschel made similar statements in earlier writings: The great insight is not attained when we ponder or infer the beyond from the here. '''In the realm of the ineffable, God is not a hypothesis derived from logical assumptions, but an immediate insight, self-evident as light.''' He is not something to be sought in the darkness with the light of reason. '''He ''is'' the light.'''
** Man Is Not Alone: A Philosophy of Religion (1951)
* '''Faith is something that comes out of the soul. It is not an information that is absorbed but an attitude, existing prior to the formulation of any creed.''' <!-- It is the insight that life is not a self-maintaining, private affair, not a chaos of whims and instincts, but an aspiration, a way not a refuge. -->
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 337
* Reason is not the measure of all things, not the all-inclusive power in the inner life of man. The powers of will and emotion, the realm of the subconscious lie beyond the scope of knowledge. '''The rush of reason is an effort of limited strength. {{pb}} Faith is not the miniature of thinking but its model, not its shadow but its root.''' It is a spiritual force in man, not dealing with the given, concrete limited, but directed upon the transcendent. It is the spring of our creative actions.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 337
* All action is vicarious faith.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 338
* Reality is not exhausted by knowledge. Inaccessible to research are the ultimate facts. '''All scientific conclusions are based on axioms, all reasoning depends ultimately upon faith.''' Faith is virgin thinking, preceding all transcendent knowledge. To believe is to abide at the extremities of spirit.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 338
[[File:Brockhaus and Efron Jewish Encyclopedia e12 486-1.jpg|thumb|It is a distortion to regard [[reason]] and [[faith]] as alternatives. Reason is a necessary coefficient of faith. Faith without explication by reason is mute, reason without faith is deaf. There can be a true symbiosis of reason and faith.]]
[[File:Abraham Joshua Heschel in Selma to Montgomery march.jpg|thumb|Those who [[trust]] develop a finer sense for the [[good]], even at the hight cost of blighted hopes. Charmed by the spell of [[love]], [[faith]] is, as it were, imposed upon their heart.]]
[[File:The National Library of Israel, Jewish New Year cards C HL 12.JPG|thumb|[[Faith]] opens our hearts for the entrance of the [[holy]].]]
* '''There is neither advance nor service without faith.''' Nobody can rationally explain why he should sacrifice his life and his happiness for the sake of the good. The conviction that I must obey the ethical imperatives is not derived from logical argument but originates from an intuitive certitude, in a certitude of faith. {{pb}} There is no conspiracy against reason, no random obstinacy, no sluggish inertia of mind or smug self-assurance entrenched behind the walls of believing. Faith does not detach a man from thinking, it does not suspend reason. It is opposed not to knowledge but to backwardness and dullness, to indifferent aloofness to the essence of living. … '''It is a distortion to regard reason and faith as alternatives. Reason is a necessary coefficient of faith. Faith without explication by reason is mute, reason without faith is deaf.''' There can be a true symbiosis of reason and faith.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 338
* '''The account of our experiences, the record of debit and credit, is reflected in the amount of trust or distrust we display towards life and humanity. ''' There are those who maintain that the good is within our reach everywhere; you have but to stretch out your arms and you will grasp it. But there are others who, intimidated by fraud and ugliness, sense scorn and ambushes everywhere and misgive all things to come. '''Those who trust develop a finer sense for the good, even at the hight cost of blighted hopes. Charmed by the spell of love, faith is, as it were, imposed upon their heart.'''
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 338
* Trust is the core of human relationships, of gregariousness among men. Friendship, a puzzle to the syllogistic and critical mentality, is not based on experiments or tests of another person's qualities but on trust. It is not critical knowledge but a risk of the heart which initiates affection and preserves loyalty in our fellow men.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 339
* '''Faith opens our hearts for the entrance of the holy.''' It is almost as though God were thinking for us.
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 339
* To pray is to take notice of the wonder, to regain the sense of the mystery that animates all beings, the divine margin in all attainments. Prayer is our humble answer to the inconceivable surprise of living. It is all we can offer in return for the mystery by which we live. Who is worthy to be present at the constant unfolding of time?
** "The Holy Dimension", p. 341
=== ''{{w|The Zookeeper's Wife}}'' (2008) ===
:<small>Quotes of Heschel from ''The Zookeeper's Wife: A War Story'' (2008) by [[Diane Ackerman]] </small>
[[File:Il triste messaggio.jpg|thumb|[[Human|Man]] is a [[messenger]] who forgot the [[message]].]]
<!--[[File:The Heschel School.jpg|thumb|Every [[moment]] is great, we were taught, every moment is unique.]]-->
* '''Man is a [[messenger]] who forgot the message.'''
* The search of reason ends at the shore of the known.
* The stone is broken, but the words are alive.
* To be human is a problem, and the problem expresses itself in anguish.
* '''I have one talent, and that is the capacity to be tremendously surprised, surprised at life, at ideas.''' This is to me the supreme Hasidic imperative: '''Don't be old. Don't be stale.'''
* In my youth, growing up in a Jewish milieu, there was one thing we did not have to look for and that was exaltation. '''Every moment is great, we were taught, every moment is unique.'''
== Quotes about Heschel ==
* If there is one thing that captures popular understanding of the Jewish community’s relationship to the Rev. [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]], it’s an image from Selma, 1965. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel links arms with a line of activists that include Rev. King, a shoulder’s breadth away, on their historic [[w:Selma to Montgomery marches|march to Montgomery]]. Heschel’s comments afterward have taken on a similarly iconic status: “'''I felt my feet were praying.'''”
** Eric Herschthal, in [http://www.thejewishweek.com/arts/herschthal_arts/king_and_jews_beyond_heschel "King And The Jews — Beyond Heschel" in ''The Jewish Week'' (11 January 2011)]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
* [http://heschel.org.il/eng/about/heschel "Who was Heschel?" at The Heschel Center for Environmental Learning and Leadership]
* [http://www.ajc.org/atf/cf/{42d75369-d582-4380-8395-d25925b85eaf}/WIDE%20HORIZONS.PDF Heschel's role in Vatican II and his advocacy of interreligious respect]
* [http://www.edah.org/backend/JournalArticle/Aggadic%20Man%20Brill-final.pdf Alan Brill Review of Heavenly Torah]
* [http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0411/is_3-4_53/ai_n14735950 Arnold Jacob Wolf Review of Heavenly Torah]
* [http://www.js.emory.edu/BLUMENTHAL/HeschelHTreview.htm David Blumenthal review of Heavenly Torah]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Heschel, Abraham Joshua}}
[[Category:Theologians from the United States]]
[[Category:Theologians from Poland]]
[[Category:Philosophers from the United States]]
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[[Category:Jews from the United States]]
[[Category:Rabbis from the United States]]
[[Category:Jews from Poland]]
[[Category:Polish rabbis]]
[[Category:Civil rights activists]]
[[Category:Anti-war activists]]
[[Category:Activists from the United States]]
[[Category:Pacifists]]
[[Category:Poets from the United States]]
[[Category:Poets from Poland]]
[[Category:Immigrants to the United States]]
[[Category:People from Warsaw]]
[[Category:1907 births]]
[[Category:1972 deaths]]
[[Category:Mystics]]
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The Golden Girls
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Season''' [[The Golden Girls (season 1)|1]] [[The Golden Girls (season 2)|2]] [[The Golden Girls (season 3)|3]] [[The Golden Girls (season 4)|4]] [[The Golden Girls (season 5)|5]] [[The Golden Girls (season 6)|6]] [[The Golden Girls (season 7)|7]] | [[The Golden Girls|'''Main''']]
----
[[File:Golden Girls title (gold background).svg|thumb| Thank you for being a friend]]
'''''[[w:The Golden Girls|The Golden Girls]]''''' (1985–1992) was a popular [[w:NBC|NBC]] sitcom about four previously married over-50 women who live together in Miami, sharing their various experiences together and enjoying themselves despite hard times. On May 1992, NBC cancelled the series after 7 seasons. ''[[The Golden Palace]]'' aired on CBS after cancellation.
==Opening theme==
*Thank you for being a friend<br>Traveled down the road and back again<br>Your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant
*And if you threw a party<br>Invited everyone you knew<br>You would see the biggest gift would be from me<br>And the card attached would say<br>Thank you for being a friend
**Cynthia Fee, ''Thank You For Being a Friend''.
== Seasons ==
::[[The Golden Girls (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[The Golden Girls (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[The Golden Girls (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[The Golden Girls (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[The Golden Girls (season 5)|Season 5]]
::[[The Golden Girls (season 6)|Season 6]]
::[[The Golden Girls (season 7)|Season 7]]
== Cast ==
* [[w:Beatrice Arthur|Beatrice Arthur]] - Dorothy Zbornak
* [[w:Betty White|Betty White]] - Rose Nylund
* [[w:Rue McClanahan|Rue McClanahan]] - Blanche Devereaux
* [[w:Estelle Getty|Estelle Getty]] - Sophia Petrillo
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|0088526|The Golden Girls}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Golden Girls, The}}
[[Category:The Golden Girls]]
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Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
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[[File:Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 1975.jpeg|thumb|I got all A's and was hated for it; I spoke correctly and was called a punk.]]
'''[[w:Kareem Abdul-Jabbar|Kareem Abdul-Jabbar]]''' (born '''Ferdinand Lewis Alcindor Jr.''', April 16, 1947) is an American former professional [[w:basketball|basketball]] player who played 20 seasons in the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association]] (NBA) for the [[w:Milwaukee Bucks|Milwaukee Bucks]] and the [[w:Los Angeles Lakers|Los Angeles Lakers]]. During his career as a [[w:Center (basketball)|center]], Abdul-Jabbar was a record six-time [[w:NBA Most Valuable Player|NBA Most Valuable Player]] (MVP), a record 19-time [[w:NBA All-Star|NBA All-Star]], a 15-time [[w:All-NBA|All-NBA]] selection, and an 11-time [[w:NBA All-Defensive Team|NBA All-Defensive Team]] member. A member of six [[w:NBA championship|NBA championship]] teams as a player and two more as an assistant coach, Abdul-Jabbar twice was voted [[w:Bill Russell NBA Finals Most Valuable Player Award|NBA Finals MVP]]. In 1996, he was honored as one of the [[w:50 Greatest Players in NBA History|50 Greatest Players in NBA History]]. NBA coach [[w:Pat Riley|Pat Riley]] and players [[w:Isiah Thomas|Isiah Thomas]] and [[w:Julius Erving|Julius Erving]] have called him the greatest basketball player of all time.
{{sport-stub}}
==Quotes==
* It was my first time away from home, my first experience in an all-black situation, and I found myself being punished for everything I'd ever been taught was right. I got all A's and was hated for it; I spoke correctly and was called a punk. I had to learn a new language simply to deal with the threats. I had good manners, and was a good little boy and paid for it with my hide.
**''Giant Steps'' (1983).
* I'm not comfortable being preachy, but more people have to start spending as much time in the library as they do on the basketball court. If they took to the idea that they could escape poverty through education, I think it would make a more basic and long-lasting change in the way things happen. When we set up unrealistic goals and then don't achieve them, that's another example of internalized defeat. What we need are positive, realistic ideas and the willingness to work. Hard work and practical goals.
**''Kareem'' (1990): p. 157
* In [[Alan Moore]]’s brilliant [[w:Graphic novel|graphic novel]], ''[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]'', [[the Joker]] justifies his psychopathic behavior by philosophizing that every human being is just "one bad day away" from rejecting the polite veneer of civilization's morality in the face of an indifferent universe. To him, we are all amoral sleeper agents awaiting the secret code word to awaken us to selfish violence.<br />Yet, even if the universe is indifferent, most people are not.
** [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kareem-abdul-jabbar-joker-gun-violence-protests-miss-mark-1244763 "Why the 'Joker' Gun Violence Protests Miss the Mark"], ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (October 2, 2019).
* Though movies (''[[Taxi Driver]]'' for [[w:John_Hinckley_Jr.|John Hinckley Jr.]], would-be assassin of [[Ronald Reagan]]), books (''[[The Catcher in the Rye]]'' for [[Mark David Chapman]], [[John Lennon]]'s murderer) and songs ("[[w:Helter Skelter|Helter Skelter]]" for [[w:Tate–LaBianca murders|Tate-LaBianca murders]] mastermind [[Charles Manson]]) may articulate specific criminals acts, they don’t inspire the person's desire for violence. Science has proven that in numerous studies. It's tempting to blame movies, video games and rap music because they often express humanity's worst impulses, but impulses are not actions for most of us. And for the mentally ill seeking violence, anything can set them off. Alek Minassian, the self-described [[incel]] (involuntary celibate) who deliberately drove his van into a crowd in Toronto in 2018, killing 10 people, said he was motivated by his [[Misogyny|resentment toward women]] for having sexually rejected him in favor of giving "their love and affection to obnoxious brutes." Should we then demand that studios producing romantic comedies and publishers of romance novels be shamed into contributing to anti-incel causes? The [[2017 Las Vegas shooting|2017 Las Vegas shooter]] killed 59 and injured 851 during a country music festival. Should country music bear some responsibility?
** [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kareem-abdul-jabbar-joker-gun-violence-protests-miss-mark-1244763 "Why the 'Joker' Gun Violence Protests Miss the Mark"], ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (October 2, 2019).
* When Bruce closed the schools, he felt he was unburdening himself of having to prove through his students that his system had merit. He didn't want to get into that. He wanted them to evolve and teach, but It was not a thing where ''you have to teach what I taught. You have to teach what you learned and that's going to be more than what he taught, hopefully for those students that understood what he was doing.''
** ''[[Bruce Lee: A Warrior's Journey]]''
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem}}
[[Category:1947 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:Basketball players from the United States]]
[[Category:Basketball coaches from the United States]]
[[Category:Actors from New York City]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Muslims from the United States]]
[[Category:Sportspeople from New York City]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:University of California, Los Angeles alumni]]
[[Category:Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame inductees]]
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[[File:Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 1975.jpeg|thumb|upright|I got all A's and was hated for it; I spoke correctly and was called a punk.]]
'''[[w:Kareem Abdul-Jabbar|Kareem Abdul-Jabbar]]''' (born '''Ferdinand Lewis Alcindor Jr.''', April 16, 1947) is an American former professional [[w:basketball|basketball]] player who played 20 seasons in the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association]] (NBA) for the [[w:Milwaukee Bucks|Milwaukee Bucks]] and the [[w:Los Angeles Lakers|Los Angeles Lakers]]. During his career as a [[w:Center (basketball)|center]], Abdul-Jabbar was a record six-time [[w:NBA Most Valuable Player|NBA Most Valuable Player]] (MVP), a record 19-time [[w:NBA All-Star|NBA All-Star]], a 15-time [[w:All-NBA|All-NBA]] selection, and an 11-time [[w:NBA All-Defensive Team|NBA All-Defensive Team]] member. A member of six [[w:NBA championship|NBA championship]] teams as a player and two more as an assistant coach, Abdul-Jabbar twice was voted [[w:Bill Russell NBA Finals Most Valuable Player Award|NBA Finals MVP]]. In 1996, he was honored as one of the [[w:50 Greatest Players in NBA History|50 Greatest Players in NBA History]]. NBA coach [[w:Pat Riley|Pat Riley]] and players [[w:Isiah Thomas|Isiah Thomas]] and [[w:Julius Erving|Julius Erving]] have called him the greatest basketball player of all time.
{{sport-stub}}
==Quotes==
* It was my first time away from home, my first experience in an all-black situation, and I found myself being punished for everything I'd ever been taught was right. I got all A's and was hated for it; I spoke correctly and was called a punk. I had to learn a new language simply to deal with the threats. I had good manners, and was a good little boy and paid for it with my hide.
**''Giant Steps'' (1983).
* I'm not comfortable being preachy, but more people have to start spending as much time in the library as they do on the basketball court. If they took to the idea that they could escape poverty through education, I think it would make a more basic and long-lasting change in the way things happen. When we set up unrealistic goals and then don't achieve them, that's another example of internalized defeat. What we need are positive, realistic ideas and the willingness to work. Hard work and practical goals.
**''Kareem'' (1990): p. 157
* In [[Alan Moore]]’s brilliant [[w:Graphic novel|graphic novel]], ''[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]'', [[the Joker]] justifies his psychopathic behavior by philosophizing that every human being is just "one bad day away" from rejecting the polite veneer of civilization's morality in the face of an indifferent universe. To him, we are all amoral sleeper agents awaiting the secret code word to awaken us to selfish violence.<br />Yet, even if the universe is indifferent, most people are not.
** [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kareem-abdul-jabbar-joker-gun-violence-protests-miss-mark-1244763 "Why the 'Joker' Gun Violence Protests Miss the Mark"], ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (October 2, 2019).
* Though movies (''[[Taxi Driver]]'' for [[w:John_Hinckley_Jr.|John Hinckley Jr.]], would-be assassin of [[Ronald Reagan]]), books (''[[The Catcher in the Rye]]'' for [[Mark David Chapman]], [[John Lennon]]'s murderer) and songs ("[[w:Helter Skelter|Helter Skelter]]" for [[w:Tate–LaBianca murders|Tate-LaBianca murders]] mastermind [[Charles Manson]]) may articulate specific criminals acts, they don’t inspire the person's desire for violence. Science has proven that in numerous studies. It's tempting to blame movies, video games and rap music because they often express humanity's worst impulses, but impulses are not actions for most of us. And for the mentally ill seeking violence, anything can set them off. Alek Minassian, the self-described [[incel]] (involuntary celibate) who deliberately drove his van into a crowd in Toronto in 2018, killing 10 people, said he was motivated by his [[Misogyny|resentment toward women]] for having sexually rejected him in favor of giving "their love and affection to obnoxious brutes." Should we then demand that studios producing romantic comedies and publishers of romance novels be shamed into contributing to anti-incel causes? The [[2017 Las Vegas shooting|2017 Las Vegas shooter]] killed 59 and injured 851 during a country music festival. Should country music bear some responsibility?
** [https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kareem-abdul-jabbar-joker-gun-violence-protests-miss-mark-1244763 "Why the 'Joker' Gun Violence Protests Miss the Mark"], ''The Hollywood Reporter'' (October 2, 2019).
* When Bruce closed the schools, he felt he was unburdening himself of having to prove through his students that his system had merit. He didn't want to get into that. He wanted them to evolve and teach, but It was not a thing where ''you have to teach what I taught. You have to teach what you learned and that's going to be more than what he taught, hopefully for those students that understood what he was doing.''
** ''[[Bruce Lee: A Warrior's Journey]]''
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem}}
[[Category:1947 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:Basketball players from the United States]]
[[Category:Basketball coaches from the United States]]
[[Category:Actors from New York City]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Muslims from the United States]]
[[Category:Sportspeople from New York City]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:University of California, Los Angeles alumni]]
[[Category:Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame inductees]]
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Extinction
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[[File:Extinct animals cemetery.jpg|thumb|The beauty and genius of a work of art may be reconceived, though its first material expression be destroyed; a vanished harmony may yet again inspire the composer; but when the last individual of a race of living beings breathes no more, another heaven and another earth must pass before such a one can be again. —[[William Beebe]]]]
[[File:Thylacinus cynocephalus (Gould).jpg|thumb|The most wretched of all current trends is of course the mass extinction of organisms, which has been escalating for decades and is still increasing in magnitude. —[[Pentti Linkola]]]]
In [[biology]] and [[ecology]], '''[[w:extinction|extinction]]''' is the end of an [[w:organism|organism]] or of a group of organisms ([[w:taxon|taxon]]), normally a [[w:species|species]]. The moment of extinction is generally considered to be the death of the [[w:endling|last individual]] of the species, although the [[w:Functional extinction|capacity to breed and recover]] may have been lost before this point.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
== B ==
* The beauty and genius of a work of art may be reconceived, though its first material expression be destroyed; a vanished harmony may yet again inspire the composer; but when the last individual of a race of living beings breathes no more, another heaven and another earth must pass before such a one can be again.
** [[William Beebe]], ''The Bird,'' 1906
[[File:Walk With Beasts exhibition.jpg|thumb|We have since built museums to celebrate the past, and spent decades studying prehistoric lives. And if all this has taught us anything, it is this: no species lasts forever. —[[w:Kenneth Branagh|Kenneth Branagh]]]]
* It is noteworthy that human concern about human extinction takes a different form from human concern (where there is any) about the extinction of non-human species. Most humans who are concerned about the extinction of non-human species are not concerned about the individual animals whose lives are cut short in the passage to extinction, even though that is one of the best reasons to be concerned about extinction (at least in its killing form). The popular concern about animal extinction is usually concern for humans –- that we shall live in a world impoverished by the loss of one aspect of faunal diversity, that we shall no longer be able to behold or use that species of animal. In other words, none of the typical concerns about human extinction are applied to non-human species extinction.
** [[David Benatar]], ''Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence,'' 2006, p. 197. <small>{{ISBN|978-0199549269}}</small>
* We are now living in the era of the [[w:Holocene extinction|sixth extinction]] crisis in the history of the planet, the last one occurring 65 million years ago when a meteor struck the Gulf of Mexico and annihilated half of existing species including the dinosaurs. Unlike the last five, however, the sixth extinction crisis is caused by human activity.
**[[Steven Best]], ''The Politics of Total Liberation: Revolution for the 21st Century'' (2014), p. 160. <small>{{ISBN|978-1349500864}}</small>
* This time it is we who are the meteor crashing into the earth, and we keep crashing and crashing and crashing, never allowing the planet to recover. We are a meteor ''storm'' that continuously, repetitively keeps slamming into the planet, precluding adaptation and blocking recovery. If we cannot learn how to live on this planet and harmonize our existence with other species and the biocommunity as a whole, then, frankly, we have no right to live at all. If we can only exploit, plunder, and destroy, then surely our demise is for the greater good. Whereas worms, pollinators, dung beetles, and countless other species are vital to a flourishing planet, Homo sapiens is the one species the earth could well do without.
**Ibid., pp. 165-166.
* While certainly no cultures, peoples, and social systems have been as devastating to animals and the environment as modern [[capitalism]], there was no Edenic time, no Golden Era, when humans lived in peace and harmony with one another, other species, and their natural surroundings. Problems like species extinction, resource depletion, desertification, and overall mindless destruction of life and ecosystems did not originate in European modernity but rather have deep roots in antiquity and prehistory.
** Steven Best, "[https://www.all-creatures.org/lifestyle/img/failed-species.pdf Failed Species: The Rise and Fall of the Human Empire]". ''Romanian Journal of Artistic Creativity''. Volume 9, issue 2, 2021.
* The human species is driving itself [at] full speed into an evolutionary dead-end. We are destroying the planet and everything we do murders animals and dismantles ecosystems. We have lost our moral compass. We think in terms of profit and power rather than ethics and compassion. We no longer have reverence for life or any sense of connection with the natural world. We see ourselves as conquerors of nature rather than citizens of a vast biocommunity. We are technologically sophisticated and morally stunted. We have no conception of the importance of nonhuman life forms in sustaining ecosystems and no sensitivity to the inherent value of species outside of our exploitative purposes. We fail to realize that what we do to animals and the earth, we do to ourselves. And all the while, we live in a fantasy land of entertainment and distractions whereby we focus more on the sex lives and surgical makeovers of movie stars than the most consequential changes unfolding in this planet in the last sixty-five million years.
** Ibid.
* We have since built museums to celebrate the past, and spent decades studying prehistoric lives. And if all this has taught us anything, it is this: no species lasts forever.
** [[Kenneth Branagh]], final episode of ''[[w:Walking with Beasts|Walking with Beasts]]'' (2001)
[[File:ExtinctDodoBird.jpeg|thumb|right|The extinct Dodo. Reconstruction of 1626 painting by Roelant Savery]]
==C==
* Global biodiversity decline is best understood as growing numbers of people and their rapidly expanding economic support systems crowding out other species. Conservation biologists standardly list five main direct drivers of biodiversity loss: habitat loss, {{w|overexploitation}} of species, [[pollution]], invasive species, and [[climate change]]. The ''{{w|Global Assessment Report on Biodiversity and Ecosystem Services}}'' found that in recent decades habitat loss was the leading cause of terrestrial {{w|biodiversity loss}}, while overexploitation ({{w|overfishing}}) was the most important cause of marine losses. All five direct drivers are important, on land and at sea, and all are made worse by larger and denser human populations.
** Philip Cafaro, Pernilla Hansson, Frank Götmark, {{cite journal|doi=10.1016/j.biocon.2022.109646|title=Overpopulation is a major cause of biodiversity loss and smaller human populations are necessary to preserve what is left|year=2022 |journal={{w|Biological Conservation (journal)|Biological Conservation}}|volume=272|issue= |pmid=|pmc=|url=https://www.sustainable.soltechdesigns.com/Overpopulation-and-biodiversty-loss(2022).pdf}}
* Much less frequently mentioned are, however, the ultimate drivers of those immediate causes of biotic destruction, namely, [[W:Human overpopulation|human overpopulation]] and continued [[w:Population growth|population growth]], and [[w:Overconsumption|overconsumption]], especially by the rich. These drivers, all of which trace to the fiction that perpetual growth can occur on a finite planet, are themselves increasing rapidly.
** Gerardo Ceballos, [[Paul R. Ehrlich]] and Rodolfo Dirzo, "[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5544311/ Biological annihilation via the ongoing sixth mass extinction signaled by vertebrate population losses and declines]." ''[[w:Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America|PNAS]]'', 2017.
*Life has now entered a sixth mass extinction. This is probably the most serious environmental problem, because the loss of a species is permanent, each of them playing a greater or lesser role in the living systems on which we all depend . The species extinctions that define the current crisis are, in turn, based on the massive disappearance of their component populations, mostly since the 1800s. The massive losses that we are experiencing are being caused, directly or indirectly, by the activities of Homo sapiens. They have almost all occurred since our ancestors developed agriculture, some 11,000 y ago. At that time, we numbered about 1 million people worldwide; now there are 7.7 billion of us, and our numbers are still rapidly growing. As our numbers have grown, humanity has come to pose an unprecedented threat to the vast majority of its living companions.
** Gerardo Ceballos, [[Paul R. Ehrlich]], and {{w|Peter H. Raven}}, "[https://www.pnas.org/content/early/2020/05/27/1922686117 Vertebrates on the brink as indicators of biological annihilation and the sixth mass extinction]". ''{{w|PNAS}}'', 2020.
*…we are fighting to leave as much biological heritage as we can for nature to do whatever it will do when we fall on our own sword and stop being the worst plague that ever existed—which is sadly what we are, collectively, in spite of the good and beautiful things that humans are also capable of.
**Sue Coulstock's foreword to ''Racing to Extinction'' by Lyle Lewis (2024).
* Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. We must remember that a great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth. At the same time it is probably true that when two husky representatives of ''Homo sapiens'', with clubs, corner the last two birds of a species, no matter how far they have or have not evolved, both the [[w:Phylogenetics|phylogeny]] and the [[w:Ontogeny|ontogeny]] of those birds are, to all intents and purposes, over.
** [[Will Cuppy]], ''How to Become Extinct'', 1941
==D==
* [[Capitalism]] is not necessarily more immoral than previous social systems with regard to cruelty to humans and the gratuitous destruction of nature. As a mode of production and a social system, however, capitalism ''requires'' people to be destructive of the environment. Three destructive aspects of the capitalist system stand out when we view this system in relation to the extinction crisis:<br>1) capitalism tends to degrade the conditions of its own production;<br>2) it must expand ceaselessly in order to survive;<br>3) it generates a chaotic world system, which in turn intensifies the extinction crisis.
** [[Ashley Dawson]], ''Extinction: A Radical History'', 2016, p. 41. <small>{{ISBN|978-1944869014}}</small>
* It is clear that only a giant change in human culture can significantly limit the extinction crisis. Humanity must face the need to reduce birth rates further, especially among the overconsuming wealthy and middle classes. In addition, a reduction of wasteful consumption will be necessary, accompanied by a transition away from environmentally malign technological choices such as private automobiles, plastic everything, and treating billionaires to space tourism. Otherwise growthmania will win; the human enterprise will not undergo the needed shrinkage, but will continue to expand, destroying most of biodiversity and further wrecking the life-support systems of humanity until global civilization collapses
** [[Rodolfo Dirzo]], Gerardo Ceballos, and Paul R. Ehrlich, {{cite journal|doi=10.1098/rstb.2021.0378|title=Circling the drain: The extinction crisis and the future of humanity |year=2022 |journal=Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences |volume=377 |issue=1857 |pmid=35757873 |pmc=9237743 }}
==F==
* The Brontosaurus had a brain no bigger than a crisp.<br>The Dodo had a stammer, and the Mammoth had a lisp.<br>The Auk was just too awkward. Now they're none of them alive;<br>Each one, like Man, had shown himself unfitted to survive.<br>Their story points a moral; now it's we who wear the pants.<br>The extinction of these species holds a lesson for us ants.
** [[Michael Flanders]], "Dead Ducks", from ''The Bestiary of Flanders and Swann'', 1967
==G==
* The human race currently consumes some 40% of the earth’s photosynthetic capacity. This monopoly on the earth’s resources is having a devastating effect. We are seeing the extinction of some 140 species every day, some thousands of times higher than the normal background rate. Today, right now, we are seeing extinction rates unparalleled in the history of the earth. We are undeniably in the midst of the seventh mass extinction event in the history of the earth — the Holocene Extinction. Unlikely previous extinction events, however, this one is driven by a single species. This is the true danger of [[overpopulation]], not our inability to feed a growing population. As much as we would deny it, we depend on the earth to live. Dwindling biodiversity threatens the very survival of our species. We are literally cutting the ground out from under our feet. Increasing food production only increases the population; our current attitudes about food security has locked us into what [[Daniel Quinn]] called a “Food Race,” by comparison to the Arms Race of the [[Cold War]].
** Jason Godesky, "[https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/jason-godesky-thirty-theses#toc5 Thirty Theses]" (2006). Thesis #4: "Human population is a function of food supply".
* The introduction of a new alpha predator can have dramatic effects, even causing cascades of extinction. This is not necessarily because the alpha predators overhunt or are even in the least bit maladaptive; this is simply the nature of alpha predators and how they relate in any given ecology. When humans came to Australia and the Americas, they were as harmless as wolves, lions, or any other big mammalian predator. Their presence caused cascades of changes throughout the ecosystem. Given that it was also a period of major climate change, a great number of species that were already under stress adapting to the new climate were tipped over the edge into extinction by the further ecological changes created by the adaptation of a new alpha predator. Our ancestors were hardly noble savages; but neither were they bloodthirsty killers bent on the destruction of all life on earth. They were animals, like any other.
** Jason Godesky, "[https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/jason-godesky-thirty-theses#toc35 Thirty Theses]" (2006). Thesis #17: "Environmental problems may lead to collapse."
* Since 1970, overall numbers are down by 69%. Livestock and the human beings who farm them now account for 96% of all the mammals on Earth. The Sumatran tiger, the Bornean orangutan and the hellbender salamander are among the million animal and plant species judged perilously close to extinction.
**''[[The Guardian]]'', [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/dec/04/the-guardian-view-on-biodiversity-collapse-the-crisis-humanity-can-no-longer-ignore The Guardian view on biodiversity collapse: the crisis humanity can no longer ignore] (4 December 2022)
==H==
* The extinction of the Australian [[Megafauna]] was probably the first significant mark ''Homo sapiens'' left on our planet.
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], [[w:Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind|Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind]] (2011), Chapter 4: "The Flood"
* At the time of the Cognitive Revolution, the planet was home to about 200 genera of large terrestrial mammals weighing over fifty kilograms. At the time of the Agricultural Revolution, only about one hundred remained. ''Homo sapiens'' drove to extinction about half of the planet's big beasts long before humans invented the wheel, writing or iron tools.
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], [[w:Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind|Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind]] (2011), Chapter 4: "The Flood"
* The elephant bird and the giant lemurs, along with most of the other large animals of [[Madagascar]], suddenly vanished about 1.500 years ago - precisely when the first humans set foot on the island.
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], [[w:Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind|Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind]] (2011), Chapter 4: "The Flood"
* Don't believe tree-huggers who claim that our ancestors lived in harmony with [[nature]]. Long before the Industrial Revolution, ''Homo sapiens'' held the record among all organisms for driving the most plant and animal species to their [[extinction|extinctions]]. '''We have the dubious distinction of being the deadliest species in the annals of biology.'''
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], [[w:Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind|Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind]] (2011), Chapter 4: "The Flood"
* The First Wave Extinction, which accompanied the spread of the foragers, was followed by the Second Wave Extinction, which accompanied the spread of the farmers, and gives us an important perspective on the Third Wave Extinction, which industrial activity is causing today. Don’t believe tree-huggers who claim that our ancestors lived in harmony with nature. Long before the Industrial Revolution, Homo sapiens held the record among all organisms for driving the most plant and animal species to their extinctions. We have the dubious distinction of being the deadliest species in the annals of biology.<br>Perhaps if more people were aware of the First Wave and Second Wave extinctions, they’d be less nonchalant about the Third Wave they are part of. If we knew how many species we’ve already eradicated, we might be more motivated to protect those that still survive. This is especially relevant to the large animals of the oceans. Unlike their terrestrial counterparts, the large sea animals suffered relatively little from the Cognitive and Agricultural Revolutions. But many of them are on the brink of extinction now as a result of industrial pollution and human overuse of oceanic resources. If things continue at the present pace, it is likely that whales, sharks, tuna and dolphins will follow the diprotodons, ground sloths and mammoths to oblivion. Among all the world’s large creatures, the only survivors of the human flood will be humans themselves, and the farmyard animals that serve as galley slaves in Noah’s Ark.
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], [[w:Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind|Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind]] (2011), Chapter 4: "The Flood"
* Nature cannot be destroyed. Sixty-five million years ago, an asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs, but in so doing opened the way forward for mammals. Today, humankind is driving many [if not all] species into extinction and might even annihilate itself. But other organisms are doing quite well. Rats and cockroaches, for example, are in their heyday. These tenacious creatures would probably creep out from beneath the smoking rubble of a nuclear Armageddon, ready and able to spread their DNA. Perhaps 65 million years from now, intelligent rats will look back gratefully on the decimation wrought by humankind, just as we today can thank that dinosaur-busting asteroid.
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], [[w:Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind|Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind]] (2011), Chapter 18: "A Permanent Revolution"
* SEVENTY THOUSAND YEARS AGO, HOMO sapiens was still an insignificant animal minding its own business in a corner of Africa. In the following millennia it transformed itself into the master of the entire planet and the terror of the ecosystem. Today it stands on the verge of becoming a god, poised to acquire not only eternal youth, but also the divine abilities of creation and destruction.<br>Unfortunately, the Sapiens regime on earth has so far produced little that we can be proud of. We have mastered our surroundings, increased food production, built cities, established empires and created far-flung trade networks. But did we decrease the amount of suffering in the world? Time and again, massive increases in human power did not necessarily improve the well-being of individual Sapiens, and usually caused immense misery to other animals.<br>In the last few decades we have at last made some real progress as far as the human condition is concerned, with the reduction of famine, plague and war. Yet the situation of other animals is deteriorating more rapidly than ever before, and the improvement in the lot of humanity is too recent and fragile to be certain of.<br>Moreover, despite the astonishing things that humans are capable of doing, we remain unsure of our goals and we seem to be as discontented as ever. We have advanced from canoes to galleys to steamships to space shuttles – but nobody knows where we’re going. We are more powerful than ever before, but have very little idea what to do with all that power. Worse still, humans seem to be more irresponsible than ever. Self-made gods with only the laws of physics to keep us company, we are accountable to no one. We are consequently wreaking havoc on our fellow animals and on the surrounding ecosystem, seeking little more than our own comfort and amusement, yet never finding satisfaction.<br>Is there anything more dangerous than dissatisfied and irresponsible gods who don’t know what they want?
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], [[w:Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind|Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind]] (2011), Afterword: "The Animal that Became a God"
* We are experiencing an accelerated obliteration of the planet’s life-forms — an estimated 8,760 species die off per year — because, simply put, there are too many people. Most of these extinctions are the direct result of the expanding need for energy, housing, food and other resources. The {{w|Baiji|Yangtze River dolphin}}, {{w|Atlantic gray whale}}, {{w|Western black rhinoceros|West African black rhino}}, {{w|Merriam's elk}}, {{w|California grizzly bear}}, {{w|silver trout}}, {{w|blue pike}} and {{w|dusky seaside sparrow}} are all victims of human overpopulation. Population growth, as [[E. O. Wilson]] says, is "the monster on the land." Species are vanishing at a rate of a hundred to a thousand times faster than they did before the arrival of humans. If the current rate of extinction continues, Homo sapiens will be one of the few life-forms left on the planet, its members scrambling violently among themselves for water, food, fossil fuels and perhaps air until they too disappear. Humanity, Wilson says, is leaving the {{w|Cenozoic}}, the age of mammals, and entering the Eremozoic — the era of solitude. As long as the Earth is viewed as the personal property of the human race, a belief embraced by everyone from {{w|Born again|born-again}} Christians to [[Marxists]] to [[free-market]] economists, we are destined to soon inhabit a biological wasteland.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://www.truthdig.com/articles/we-are-breeding-ourselves-to-extinction/"We Are Breeding Ourselves to Extinction", truthdig.com], March 9, 2009
*Life may be unique to Earth. Even if single-celled organisms can readily evolve in conditions that exist on millions or billions of other planets, we have no actual evidence that complex, multi-cellular life exists anywhere else in the vastness of space. Bacteria appeared on our planet roughly 3.7 billion years ago; by 2 billion years ago, the tree of life was branching into what would become a stunning web of creatures, huge and tiny. Plants, animals, and fungi proliferated, formed relationships, and produced ecosystems. The result was a planet full of life, and one whose atmosphere, temperature, chemical composition, and weather are all largely shaped by the side effects of the strategies that organisms use to thrive. However, in a matter of mere centuries, we humans are unraveling the web of life and triggering a mass extinction event that is likely to impact virtually all species on the Earth, and to destabilize the fundamental planetary systems upon which we too depend. Mass extinctions have happened before. The web of life is, paradoxically, both resilient and fragile. On five previous occasions (most recently the Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction 65 million years ago) our world lost up to 95 percent of its species. The current wave of extinctions that’s being triggered by humans is, so far, not on the same scale, but it is proceeding far more rapidly than previous ones. We humans represent a new kind of threat to the rest of life: our development of language, tool-making, and fire-spreading rendered us hyper-effective hunters and foragers. Tens of thousands of years ago, we were already reshaping landscapes and impacting wildlife. Our ability to expand our own habitat has generated unwanted results: some prey animals were hunted to extinction, and in a process of competitive exclusion, humans caused many local extirpations by appropriating the resources of habitats for themselves. These unintended effects then impacted humans themselves, often by compromising their food supply. Therefore, over time, humans who stayed in any given ecosystem long enough to learn its limits embraced cultural traditions to moderate their demands on it. However, since the start of the European conquest of most of the rest of the world, and especially since society’s rapid adoption of fossil fuels starting around 1800, human impact on the biosphere has accelerated at a breathtaking pace. Expanding human populations and associated land use changes, industrial agriculture, industrial forestry, industrial-scale fishing, proliferation of toxic chemicals, and climate change are decimating native species of plants and animals around the world. According to some estimates, populations of many non-domesticated species have declined, on average, by 70 percent, and the pace of species extinctions has quickened to 100 or more times the usual or “background” rate. What will the world come to look like if these trends continue? In one scenario, Earth will have become fully domesticated in a century or two, so that humans and machines control planetary systems (including climate patterns, ocean currents, the water cycle, and the carbon cycle). In this possible case, very little of wild nature will be left. In the far more likely scenario, the unraveling of the web of life and the destabilization of planetary systems will lead to the collapse not just of biodiversity but civilization as well. Is it too late to save biodiversity and the living Earth? … I’ll argue that only a collective effort to put wild nature at the center of our priorities will prevent its devastation and the possible disappearance of our own species, among countless others.
**[[Richard Heinberg]], "[https://richardheinberg.com/museletter-383-putting-nature-at-the-center Putting Nature at the Center]." Republished in ''[https://www.resilience.org/stories/2025-02-05/putting-nature-at-the-center/ Resilience]'' (February 5, 2025)
* A few years ago, virtually no one was talking about this . . . everyone just assumed that the web of life would always be intact. Now the situation is so severe that the United Nations has set up a special task force to monitor it: the {{w|Intergovernmental Science-Policy Platform on Biodiversity and Ecosystem Services}} (IPBES). In 2019, it published its {{w|Global Assessment Report on Biodiversity and Ecosystem Services|first comprehensive report}} – a groundbreaking assessment of the planet's living species, drawing on 15,000 studies from around the world and representing the consensus of hundreds of scientists. It found an accelerating rate of global {{w|Biodiversity loss|biodiversity decline}}, unprecedented in human history.
**[[Jason Hickel]], ''Less is More: How Degrowth Will Save the World'', 2021, pp. 8-9
* It's no wonder that we react so nonchalantly to the ever-mounting statistics about the crisis of mass extinction. We have a habit of taking this information with surprising calm. We don't weep. We don't get worked up. Why? Because we see humans as fundamentally separate from the rest of the living community. Those species are ''out there'', in the ''environment''. They aren't in here; they aren't part of ''us''. It is not surprising that we behave this way. After all, this is the core principle of capitalism: that the world is not really alive, and it is certainly not our kin, but rather just stuff to be extracted and discarded—and that includes most of the human beings living here too. From its very first principles, [[capitalism]] has set itself at war against life itself.
**[[Jason Hickel]], ''Less is More: How Degrowth Will Save the World'', 2021, p. 80
[[File:Decline-of-the-worlds-wild-mammals.png|thumb|upright=1.5|The changing distribution of the world's land mammals in tons of carbon. The {{w|Biomass (ecology)|biomass}} of wild land mammals has declined by 85% since the emergence of humans.<ref>{{cite web |last=Ritchie |first=Hannah |author1-link=Hannah Ritchie |date=April 20, 2021 |title=Wild mammals have declined by 85% since the rise of humans, but there is a possible future where they flourish |url=https://ourworldindata.org/wild-mammal-decline |access-date=April 18, 2023 |website=[[Our World in Data]] |publisher= |quote= |archive-date=February 16, 2023 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20230216013950/https://ourworldindata.org/wild-mammal-decline |url-status=live}}</ref>]]
==J==
* Humans have caused extinctions since leaving Africa 60,000+ years ago; in the last twelve millennia post-foraging societies have systematically increased their exploitation and control of the Earth. Humans groups rearrange the natural world in their own image, taking the homes and food of other species for their own.
** David Johns, Eileen Crist, Bittu Sahgal, "[https://www.sciencedirect.com/journal/biological-conservation/special-issue/10574WDL8SQ Ending the Colonization of the Non-Human World]." ''{{w|Biological Conservation (journal)|Biological Conservation}}''. 9 November 2022.
==K==
* Our leaders willfully ignore the wisdom and the models of every other species on the planet—except of course those that have gone extinct.
** [[Robin Wall Kimmerer]], {{cite book |title={{w|Braiding Sweetgrass}}: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants |date=16 September 2013 |publisher=Milkweed Editions |isbn=978-1-57131-871-8 |pages=308-309}}
* Beginnings, it’s said, are apt to be shadowy. So it is with this story, which starts with the emergence of a new species maybe two hundred thousand years ago. The species does not yet have a name—nothing does—but it has the capacity to name things. As with any young species, this one’s position is precarious. Its numbers are small, and its range restricted to a slice of eastern Africa. Slowly its population grows, but quite possibly then it contracts again—some would claim nearly fatally—to just a few thousand pairs. The members of the species are not particularly swift or strong or fertile. They are, however, singularly resourceful. Gradually they push into regions with different climates, different predators, and different prey. None of the usual constraints of habitat or geography seem to check them. They cross rivers, plateaus, mountain ranges. In coastal regions, they gather shellfish; farther inland, they hunt mammals. Everywhere they settle, they adapt and innovate. On reaching Europe, they encounter creatures very much like themselves, but stockier and probably brawnier, who have been living on the continent far longer. They interbreed with these creatures and then, by one means or another, kill them off. The end of this affair will turn out to be exemplary. As the species expands its range, it crosses paths with animals twice, ten, and even twenty times its size: huge cats, towering bears, turtles as big as elephants, sloths that stand fifteen feet tall. These species are more powerful and often fiercer. But they are slow to breed and are wiped out. Although a land animal, our species—ever inventive—crosses the sea. It reaches islands inhabited by evolution’s outliers: birds that lay footlong eggs, pig-sized hippos, giant skinks. Accustomed to isolation, these creatures are ill-equipped to deal with the newcomers or their fellow travelers (mostly rats). Many of them, too, succumb. The process continues, in fits and starts, for thousands of years, until the species, no longer so new, has spread to practically every corner of the globe. At this point, several things happen more or less at once to allow ''Homo sapiens'', as it has come to call itself, to reproduce at an unprecedented rate. In a single century the population doubles; the doubles again, and then again. Vast forests are razed. Humans do this deliberately, in order to feed themselves. Less deliberately, they shift organisms from one continent to another, reassembling the biosphere.
** [[Elizabeth Kolbert]], ''{{w|The Sixth Extinction: An Unnatural History|The Sixth Extinction}}'', 2014. <small>{{ISBN|978-1250062185}}</small>
* We are already experiencing huge cost externalities from population hypergrowth and profligate fossil fuel use in the form of environmental devastation. Of the earth’s estimated 10 million species, 300,000 have vanished in the past fifty years. Each year, 3,000 to 30,000 species become extinct, an all-time high for the last 65 million years. Within one hundred years, between one-third and two-thirds of all birds, animals, plants, and other species will be lost. Nearly 25 percent of the 4,630 known mammal species are now threatened with extinction, along with 34 percent of fish, 25 percent of amphibians, 20 percent of reptiles, and 11 percent of birds. Even more, species are having population declines. Environmental scientists speak of an “omega point” at which the vast interconnected networks of Earth’s ecologies are so weakened that human existence is no longer possible.
** [[James Howard Kunstler]], ''{{w|The Long Emergency}}'' (2005)
* We already have a planet -- Earth! Right here! And it's going to be here for at least another twenty years! Fifteen, if you use a plastic straw!
** Michael Kosta, ''[[The Daily Show]]'', 2024
==L==
* We are currently, in a systematic manner, exterminating all non-human living beings.
** [[Anne Larigauderie]], {{w|IPBES}} executive secretary, quoted in Jason Hickel, ''Less is More: How Degrowth Will Save the World'', 2021, p. 9
* There are no known complex organisms from other epochs that could throw long-range weapons they had fashioned. It allowed our ancestors to kill animals without touching them or they themselves being touched. To kill something, other organisms must catch them with their feet, claws, or teeth. Spiders could be considered an exception because of catching prey with webs. However, they still must kill their prey manually. The necessity of dispatching prey at close quarters levels the predator-prey playing field. The inability of any other known organism to throw was likely pivotal in providing relatively stable ecosystems for millions of years, before humans developed the throwing ability, only interrupted by geological or astrological events. While at first it was throwing rocks and spears, over the millennia we’ve gradually learned how to separate ourselves further and further from both predators and prey. The first improvement was the atlatl, or woomera, an implement allowing more energy and greater velocity to be applied to the throwing of a spear. The throwing arm together with the atlatl acts to increase the length of a lever. The premise is the same with fishing poles. Although challenging, it is possible to catch fish simply by hand-throwing a fishing line with a lure or bait. Native fishermen have been doing it for decades. However, much more line speed and distance can be attained using a fishing rod because it increases the length of the lever. Or look no further than your local park: ball throwers with those relatively new but already ubiquitous plastic grabbing sticks use the exact same principle for tossing balls for dogs to retrieve. The atlatl is believed to have been in use by early hominids in some parts of the world 30,000 years ago. The next significant step in weaponry was the bow and arrow. The oldest known evidence of arrows comes from the Sibudu Cave in South Africa. The bone-and-stone arrowheads found there are approximately 60,000–70,000 years old. Despite the early time frame, archery doesn’t appear to have been in widespread use until after the planet had lost most of its large mammals. The bow was an important weapon for both hunting and warfare from about 8,000 years ago to the mid-17th century. Bow-and-arrow use was almost certainly contributory to the uptick in animal and bird extinctions during that time frame. More recently, guns, bombs, and weaponized drones kill with limited or no interaction between the aggressor and victim. Humans have essentially turned killing into an enhanced video game.
**Lyle Lewis, ''Racing to Extinction: Why Humanity Will Soon Vanish'' (2024), pp. 20-21.
* For the last 2.6 million years, the planet has experienced severe climatic fluctuations, during which the Earth waxed and waned between frigid ice ages and warm interglacial periods. Until approximately 60,000 years ago, there were few apparent extinctions. Suddenly, hundreds of species of mammals, flightless birds, and reptiles went extinct largely over the course of 50,000 years. These extinctions marked the beginning of a tidal wave of disappearing species that is cresting today. Because large body size is correlated with slow breeding, the largest animals are more susceptible to extinction.
** Lyle Lewis, ''Racing to Extinction: Why Humanity Will Soon Vanish'' (2024), pp. 23-24
* The numerous insults on the planet that humanity has created over the last 100 thousand years have achieved the capacity to greatly exacerbate any natural or human-caused event. We’re seeing this around the planet with more and more frequency. Global warming didn’t start the wildfires in Spain, Portugal, the United States, Canada, and Australia, but thanks to climate change, instead of inconsequential wildfires, they became roaring infernos. Hurricanes have always happened, but climate change is making their effect much more significant. Most people don’t understand that human population density, climate change, and the loss of biodiversity were the likely drivers of coronavirus becoming a pandemic. A loss in biodiversity usually results in a few species replacing many. These few species tend to be the ones hosting pathogens that can spread to humans and remaining animals. Rather than a loss of biodiversity, the problem is a highly contagious virus and a lack of commitment to wearing masks and social distancing. For most people […] those were wildfire, hurricane, and virus problems. When peering through the small keyhole of their existence, climate change, biodiversity loss, or population density is nowhere in sight.
** Lyle Lewis, ''Racing to Extinction: Why Humanity Will Soon Vanish'' (2024), pp. 175-176.
* On a finite planet where a great number of organisms share the same space and depend on the same finite products of photosynthesis, the continuous expansion of one species results in the contraction of others. There is nothing more sacred to humans than our pets. While human [[overpopulation]] is occasionally mentioned in passing, pets always receive a free pass.
** Lyle Lewis, ''Racing to Extinction: Why Humanity Will Soon Vanish'' (2024), p. 222.
* Around two million years ago, a staggering ninety percent of the mammalian biomass in Africa and Asia was made up of elephants, hippos, and their rhinoceros-like buddies. This impressive lineup included at least nine species of elephants, four species of hippos, two species of rhinos, and a large cousin of the rhino-tapir-horse family known as ''Ancylotherium''. The biggest shake-up in megafaunal species in Africa happened about 1.4 million years ago, roughly 300,000 years after Homo erectus made its debut and ''Australopithecus'' had disappeared. Since then, Africa and Asia have continued to experience megafaunal extinction events in fits and starts. Interestingly, during this two-million-year stretch, no large animal species went extinct on continents devoid of hominids, highlighting a unique and telling chapter in the evolutionary tale of the respective regions.<br>The biodiversity of megafaunal species that roamed Europe and North America before humans showed up paints a fascinating picture—species like woolly mammoths, mastodons, and woolly rhinoceroses may have made up about 50% of the mammalian biomass in these regions. While this figure is less than what we saw in the Afroasian region, the megafaunal lineup in Europe and North America included some hefty ungulates that outclassed today’s bison in size. For instance, three species of bison, including the giant bison (Bison latifrons), were larger than the modern bison (Bison bison), but were swept away following the arrival of Homo sapiens.<br>Although primary productivity remained unchanged with the extinction of the largest megafaunal animals, their loss created a vacuum that was quickly filled by a surge in populations of smaller critters, like bison and wildebeest. The absence of very large animals led to noticeably different effects on plants and soils, as more numerous smaller animals took their place. Overlooking the finite nature of the planet's primary productivity and the unique impacts of these smaller, more abundant species has fueled the persistence of [these] ecological myths […]. These misconceptions have led to a mixed bag of largely ineffective conservation efforts—some genuinely well-intentioned and others disingenuous.
** Lyle Lewis, “[https://race2extinct.com/blog/ecological-myth-busting/ Ecological Myth-Busting]” (January 23, 2025)
* Megafaunal extinctions were just one act in the grand drama of the sixth mass extinction, which has been and will continue to include a plethora of plants and animals.
** Ibid.
* When we look at the extinction of megafaunal animals in isolation, it ignores the chain reaction that led to the loss of tens of thousands, possibly even hundreds of thousands, of soil microorganisms and other tiny creatures.
** Ibid.
* Long before the 20th century, the trajectory was set. Mesopotamia formalized private property and profit. Rome industrialized deforestation, mining, and overfishing. Every civilization reshaped ecosystems to sustain its growth and eventually collapsed when the foundations that supported it were exhausted.<br>Deep time offers an even harder truth: humans began erasing biodiversity more than two million years ago. Civilization didn’t invent destruction; it scaled it.<br>What changed in the last century was the speed, the technology, and the reach of decision-makers who could alter entire biomes with a single signature.
** Lyle Lewis, “[https://lylel.substack.com/p/the-hall-of-infamy-a-global-century The Hall of Infamy: A Global Century of Environmental Supervillains]” (November 29, 2025)
* The most wretched of all current trends is of course the mass extinction of organisms, which has been escalating for decades and is still increasing in magnitude.
** [[Pentti Linkola]], ''Can Life Prevail?: A Revolutionary Approach to the Environmental Crisis'', 2011, page 183.
== M ==
* We are such great innovators that we have devised a way to be so successful that we are eliminating other species by transforming their habitat into ours serving only us and a few (both domesticated and wild) species who can tolerate living with us. By doing so, we are sawing off the limb upon which we are perched because those species support our own existence.<br>Is it really any surprise that we hear constantly about alligator attacks, bear attacks, whale attacks, and shark attacks? Those four links go mainly to fatal attacks and not just injuries sustained by such attacks, but it should be fairly obvious to even the casual observer that we often forget that we don't truly "own" the areas where these creatures live. They live there, too, and we are encroaching upon their habitat. We have created the illusion in our minds that we are "safe" in these areas simply because we have labeled the land "ours." Nature doesn't recognize our labels, unfortunately, and one must be aware of this fact whenever [we enter] areas where wild animals live.
**Erik Michaels, "[https://problemspredicamentsandtechnology.blogspot.com/2023/07/how-did-we-get-here.html How Did We Get Here?]" (July 19, 2023)
*Humans… have pursued our distinctively destructive path for a sliver of the total biotime in this corner of the galaxy. This most recent reshaping of nature began 3.3 million years ago, when an australopithecine made stone tools to butcher animal carcasses on the shores of the Jade Sea, or Lake Turkana, in Kenya. Weapons came later, with the use of stone-tipped thrusting spears by another hominid in South Africa 500,000 years ago, and the development of the bow and arrow by early humans 71,000 years ago. Projectile weapons, like the bow and arrow, allowed us to kill large animals without being excessively brave. Through a combination of these weapons, coupled with traps and fire, humans saw to the extinction of woolly mammoths, mastodons, sabre-toothed cats and ground sloths as the ice sheets receded and we pursued the animals to their last redoubts. A South American armadillo-like animal called Glyptodon was another victim of the genocide. This slow-moving vegetarian was as big as a Volkswagen Beetle and served as an easy target for hunters who ate its meat and crawled into its enormous shells for shelter.<br>For many years, biologists argued that climate change was the most important factor in these extinctions, but more and more evidence points to the correspondence between the arrival of humans and the disappearance of large mammals. The case was pretty obvious for the spectacular bird life of islands, with a giant turkey called ''Sylviornis'' disappearing from New Caledonia soon after the prehistoric Lapita people arrived in their canoes 3,500 years ago, and the elimination of numerous species of flightless moa when the Maori reached New Zealand around AD 1300. Extinction has been reworking nature from its beginnings, but no animal has come close to having the impact that humans have had. With remarkable speed, our evolution walloped life with the power of the asteroid that obliterated the dinosaurs. The average size of mammals increased steadily throughout the Cenozoic Era that followed the crash of the Chicxulub asteroid in the Gulf of Mexico 65 million years ago. Then, around 100,000 years ago, the big animals began to disappear. The extinctions accelerated 50,000 years ago and the total mass of wild mammals has now plunged to a sixth of its pre-human maximum. According to some models, the domestic cow is on track to become the largest remaining mammal.<br>Scepticism surrounding these doom-laden predictions about the precarious nature of nature is understandable. It takes imagination to escape from the influence of the diminishing expectations of each generation. Nobody has seen a live moa since the fourteenth century and so their absence does not upset New Zealanders today. The last passenger pigeon, named Martha, died… in 1914, and the most recent sky-darkening mass migrations of these birds took flight in the nineteenth century. We cannot miss something that has never existed for us. We read about extinction as an approaching horror and ecosystem damage as a work in progress rather than a done deal. But the destruction is unabated. Despite the publicity given to deforestation, tropical woodlands continue to disappear at an annual rate of 2.7 million hectares in Brazil, 1.3 million hectares in Indonesia and 0.6 million hectares in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Turning to the direct effects of climate change, one-third of the world’s coral reefs were damaged by high water temperatures in 2016. More than 90 per cent of Australia’s Great Barrier Reef was affected by the process called bleaching, which happens when the dinoflagellate algae abandon their animal partners in the exquisite coral symbiosis. When reefs recover from bleaching, the original animals are replaced by sluggish coral species that support impoverished communities of marine life. This is not a normal phenomenon.
** Nicholas P. Money, ''The Selfish Ape: Human Nature and Our Path to Extinction'' (2019), Chapter 9: "Greenhouse."
* In the 1970s, we started noticing extinctions taking place right before our eyes. Attenborough makes the point that no one wanted animals to become extinct, but that lack of awareness and a focus on personal benefits obscured the unfolding tragedy. Having largely eliminated or isolated ourselves from predators, achieved control over diseases, and mastered food to order, nothing was left to restrict or stop us.
** Tom Murphy, "[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2021/03/sir-david-nails-it/ Sir David Nails It]." ''Do the Math'' (March 30, 2021)
* If we do not devise an intentional method of suppressing human exceptionalism, we will foul the nest to the point of self-harm (sound familiar?) by precipitating an ecosystem collapse. In this unfortunate, unwitting undoing, we will have answered evolution’s question: how far can intelligence be pushed as a survival strategy before it is self-terminating? Or worse than self-terminating: taking numerous other innocent species down with us.
** Tom Murphy, "[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2022/09/a-climate-love-story/ A Climate Love Story]." ''Do the Math'' (September 30, 2022).
* Our fossil fuel bonanza has left our [[ecosystem]] in a perilous state. We have destroyed vast [[forests]] and habitat, [[Pollution|polluted]] [[water]] and [[soil]], kicked off [[Climate change|a rapid climate trend]] that natural systems may not adapt to quickly enough, and basically overrun the [[planet]]. […] 96% of mammal mass on the planet is now in the form of [[Human|humans]] and our livestock, leaving a paltry 4% of wild mammals—land and sea. Roughly 70% of [[Vertebrates|vertebrate]] numbers have [[Extinction|vanished]] since 1970 (undoubtedly a higher fraction if the survey had started in 1700). Forests are also way down.
** Tom Murphy, "[https://www.resilience.org/stories/2022-12-06/finite-feeding-frenzy/ Finite Feeding Frenzy]." ''Resilience'' (December 6, 2022). Originally published in ''[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2022/12/finite-feeding-frenzy/ Do the Math]'' (December 5, 2022).
* …because of megafauna extinctions, being the only species to use fire, and the fact that an ability for symbolic representation and complex speech might be the recipe for a runaway species capable of rapid cultural evolution and technology development out of step with the rest of the community of life, and therefore maladapted to long-term co-existence in ecological relationship. If it looks like we’re winning the “battle against nature” right now, that’s actually what losing looks like.
** Tom Murphy, "[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2024/02/unsustainable-goose-chases/ Unsustainable Goose Chases]." ''Do the Math'', February 27, 2024.
* Compared to the human accomplishment of driving the globe into a sixth mass extinction... elephants are shamefully worthless and lacking a final goal, as are all 10 million species on the planet—including us.
** Tom Murphy's self-commentary on "Unsustainable Goose Chases." ''Do the Math'' (March 1, 2024)
* Having initiated a sixth mass extinction, carried out by access to energy, continued powering of modernity (via electricity, for instance) most likely means compounding ecological harm, piling up accelerating extinctions, under which conditions high-maintenance humans are unlikely to fare well.
** Tom Murphy, "[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2024/04/outside-the-fishbowl/ Outside the Fishbowl]." ''Do the Math'', April 30, 2024.
* The scale and rapidity of these changes create credible concern that we are witnessing (causing) the beginning of a sixth mass extinction.<br>Earth has been slapped hard, out of nowhere, at alarming speed. Although the evidence of its reeling is all around us, it is far too soon to appreciate the severity of what we have set in motion. A hard slap on the face looks red in the moment, but later appears bruised and might turn into a black eye. We are currently only seeing the instant, real-time response and not the protracted bruising to follow, which will take a long time to play out as many wild populations glide toward extinction and domino-effect failures pile up. […] Ecological collapse is extremely dangerous to large, complex, hungry, high-maintenance animals like humans. We are not likely to fare well in a sixth mass extinction of our own making.
** Tom Murphy, ''Metastatic Modernity'', Episode 7: "[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2024/07/mm-7-ecological-nosedive/ Ecological nosedive]". ''Do the Math'', University of California, San Diego (July 23, 2024).
* We have loads of evidence for rapidly declining ecological health, in virtually every measure. Accelerating biodiversity loss rates are consistent with the initiation of a sixth mass extinction. [[Modernity]] has every appearance of being grossly unsustainable.
** Tom Murphy, "Evidence, Please?" ''[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2024/10/evidence-please/ Do the Math]'', October 1, 2024.
* Extinction rates are up 100–1,000 times the background rate—and possibly higher [and] we are currently witnessing the highest extinction rate since the Chicxulub impact that took out dinosaurs 65 million years ago. […] Annual population declines tend to be in the 1–2% range among mammals, birds, fish, and insects, accumulating to average declines of more than half in less than half a century.
** Tom Murphy, “Is the 6ME Hyperbole?”, ''[https://dothemath.ucsd.edu/2025/09/is-the-6me-hyperbole/ Do the Math]'' (September 16, 2025)
* Since 1970, the average decline in vertebrate species is about 70%. Wild land mammals—now comprising 2% of total terrestrial mammal mass compared to 96% in the form of humans and domesticated animals—have been eliminated to the point that only 2.5 kg of wild land mammal mass remains for each human on the planet. This was 80 kg per person in 1800, and 50,000 kg before civilization sprang up. They’re almost gone. A major disruption in global food supply—perhaps instigated by fossil fuel shortages—could essentially finish the job. <br>To reinforce an earlier point, these declines—similar in birds, amphibians, and insects—are not primarily due to CO2, but trace to the much longer pattern of modernity’s expansion and heavy use of energy and nature’s provisions.<br>In light of this, the prospect of maintaining insulin for human health is in doubt, as doing so requires some threshold in technology, mining, resource extraction, energy, pollution/waste, etc., that may be well over the line of what the community of life can accommodate in the fullness of time. Can we justify prioritizing insulin over ecological health, and is it even a valid choice in the end? If one nation had a long history of expansion, overrunning and displacing technologically inferior and peaceful nations to the point that complete elimination/dominance was in sight, is it justifiable to prioritize the healthcare of that nation’s citizens before trying to end the war against innocents? The question is even more poignant when the expanding race cannot itself survive if indeed managing to eliminate the “competition,” although few seem to be aware of this built-in peril of “success.”<br>So, I don’t think it’s within our power to decide how many of modernity’s perks we can keep. Ecological context comes first, which we ignore to our ultimate peril. We have zero evidence demonstrating long-term sustainability while enjoying modern conveniences like insulin, but ample evidence that the current system is woefully far over the line, by perhaps orders of magnitude. Any number of tweaks to a grossly unsustainable system—changing the energy source that drives the machine, for instance—are unlikely to alter its fundamental character or aims. It seems like too much to ask that modernity’s forward march will inexplicably, luckily, reverse course on ecological harm without its becoming the overriding, non-negotiable priority, based on the track record thus far. <br>Therefore, I would again guess that modernity, in its fundamental structure, is incompatible with planetary limits, and thus has no path to unsustainable continuance (an oxymoron, in any event). How much we must abandon is very hard to say, but I would be prepared to believe: most of it.
** Tom Murphy, "[https://www.resilience.org/stories/2026-04-23/in-conversation-dave-murphy-and-tom-murphy-can-modernity-survive-planetary-limits/ Can modernity survive planetary limits?]" ''Resilience'' (April 23, 2026)
==P==
* Finding out that 1 million species face extinction without radical corrective changes in human behavior is akin to finding out you have a fatal disease. One day you have a thousand problems; the next, you have just one. Nothing in today’s headlines compares to the catastrophic potential posed by climate change and the decimating effects of careless consumerism around the globe.
** Kathleen Parker, "[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-end-of-the-everything-may-be-what-weve-been-needing/2019/05/07/902027ac-7101-11e9-9f06-5fc2ee80027a_story.html Nothing in today's headlines compares to the coming catastrophe]." ''[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'', May 7, 2019.
* In what year will the human population grow too large for the Earth to sustain? The answer is about 1970, according to research by the {{w|World Wildlife Fund}}. In 1970, the planet's 3 and a half billion people were {{w|Sustainable population|sustainable}}. But on this New Year's Day, the population is 8 billion. '''Today, wild plants and animals are running out of places to live.'''
**[[Scott Pelley]], "[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/earth-mass-extinction-60-minutes-2023-01-01/ Scientists say planet in midst of sixth mass extinction, Earth's wildlife running out of places to live]" {{w|CBS News}}, January 1, 2023.
* Indeed, in the long run, extinctions of species are as inevitable as the deaths of individual animals, and it may be that the causes of extinctions are as varied as the causes of individual deaths.<br>A wave of extinctions—a sudden diminution in the number of species—is analogous to a sudden big drop in the size of a human population, an event that deserves to be explained even though the individual people would inevitably have died sooner or later anyway. Catastrophes in human populations have many causes: war, famine, and pestilence are the possibilities that first spring to mind. There may be equally many causes for evolutionary catastrophes, as waves of extinctions could well be called. Another possibility, however, is that extinctions come in waves that are part of a recurring cycle. It would then be the cycle itself, rather than each individual wave in the cycle, that would need to be explained. If there is such a cycle, it presumably follows a cycle in the inorganic world, such as cyclic climactic changes.
** [[Evelyn Chrystalla Pielou|E. C. Pielou]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=knEyjCYWEHQC& "After the Ice Age: The Return of Life to Glaciated North America"] (1991).
==R==
*Moreover, we have unleashed a mass extinction event, the sixth in roughly 540 million years, wherein many current life forms could be annihilated or at least committed to extinction by the end of this century.
** [[William J. Ripple]] et al. “{{w|World Scientists' Warning to Humanity}}: A Second Notice,” ''{{w|BioScience}}'', 2017.
* Given that human societies, before they migrated out of Africa in significant numbers, were as close to sustainable as we’re likely to get, that is the best we can hope for, at least for future generations. But let’s not pretend that there is some sustainable way of life for future humans (our species) that we could hope they would attain. We’ve done that experiment. Humans didn’t live in harmony with nature. They got close, but ultimately couldn’t restrain themselves from causing some extinctions and then many more extinctions when they followed their migratory traits.
** Mike Roberts, “[https://mikerobertsblog.wordpress.com/2025/11/06/weve-done-that-experiment/ We've Done That Experiment]” (September 22, 2025)
* Species are threatened because of over-exploitation, habitat destruction, climate change, and so on. Efforts to reverse, or stall, a decline in population would have to go on indefinitely (i.e., would have to be sustainable) unless all of the factors involved in the decline are removed. But modernity is the cause of all of those factors, so conservation will inevitably fail until modernity ends (and then there would be no conservation efforts with humans needing to be more involved in saving their own lives).<br>Sometimes, predators are excluded through complex fencing. But these are used to exclude predators which were introduced (either deliberately or accidentally) by humans into ecosystems which had never previously included them. The fencing has to be maintained constantly, may fail to be 100% effective all of the time. The fencing itself also excludes many of those species inside the fence from the area outside of the fence. So it’s an artificial ecosystem that requires management by humans (the worst predator of all). For ever. That is unsustainable and not much better than a wildlife park. Humans, of course, aren’t excluded as they can come and go via gates.
** Mike Roberts, "[https://mikerobertsblog.wordpress.com/2025/12/02/comforting-absurdities/ Comforting Absurdities]" (December 2, 2025)
* Long before the first kings, priests, or merchants inscribed their deeds in clay or papyrus, humans were altering ecosystems simply by moving through them. The great dispersal of our species out of Africa, beginning roughly 60,000–70,000 years ago, reshaped continents. Wherever humans arrived, waves of extinctions followed: giant marsupials in Australia, mammoths and mastodons across the Americas, enormous birds in New Zealand and Madagascar. These losses were not caused by Western civilization, or any civilization at all, but by small bands of foragers equipped with nothing more than stone tools, spears, and fire.
** Elisabeth Robson, “[https://medium.com/@elisabethrobson/anthropocentrism-was-not-created-by-the-west-19e3adbe2fff Anthropocentrism was not created by the West],” ''Medium'' (December 6, 2025)
==S==
* Since after extinction no one will be present to take responsibility, we have to take full responsibility now.
** [[Jonathan Schell]], ''The Fate of the Earth,'' 1982, <small>{{ISBN|0-39452-559-0}}</small>
* [The transition from ''Australopithecus'' to ''Homo''] marked the shift from hominins that depend heavily on plants to ones that depend more on meat… Being a good predator is a general feature of our genus.
** Felisa Smith, quoted by Ed Yong for "[https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/04/in-a-few-centuries-cows-could-be-the-largest-land-animals-left/558323/ In a Few Centuries, Cows Could Be the Largest Land Animals Left]," ''The Atlantic'' (April 19, 2018)
== T ==
* [We] cannot bring back species from extinction… We are still driving 150 species to oblivion daily… Collapse will not change anything in our attitudes. As long as humans remain genetically identical to who they are today, I’m afraid they will collapse again, and again, after this coming collapse, and probably risk complete extinction. This is not speculation, but simply looking at historical evidence: over thousands of years we have collapsed pretty much constantly—anthropologists have documented the collapse of more than 82 (!!!) civilisations. We are now at the stage of a systemic, global collapse because we are one, united global economic machine that has used up everything on the planet. Our species is wired for growth, and we are designed to go through boom-and-bust cycles. What comes after the next bust will be a significantly smaller civilisation… There will be another, smaller boom, then collapse again. With each collapse many… “species” risk disappearance.
**George Tsakraklides, "[https://georgetsakraklides.substack.com/p/civilisational-collapse-your-questions Civilisational collapse: Your questions answered]," ''Substack'' (November 1, 2025)
==W==
* [The Sixth Extinction] did not happen yesterday because we suddenly became aware of the dangers of global warming. It began 50,000 years ago when a relatively hairless primate stumbled out of equatorial Africa and began wiping out the megafauna of the time. Wherever this creature (our ancestor) went, their arrival was followed by large die-outs of megafauna. Primitive hominids were well-organized, efficient, slaughter crews. As they advanced, the mammoth, sabre-toothed cats, cave bears, giant sloths, camels, horses, and wholly rhinos fell to their stone weapons and deliberately set fires. The extinction of all of these great mega-species is directly attributable to "primitive" human hunters. The hunting down of the mega-fauna was followed by the advent of agriculture and the domestication of selected animals. Domesticated cows, goats, sheep, and pigs grew in numbers and denuded large areas of grasslands. Irrigation systems began to toxify land. Then agriculture was followed by industrial activities, and finally, by the burning off of vast amounts of fossil fuels.
** [[Paul Watson]], ''[https://web.archive.org/web/20070509003646/https://seashepherd.org/editorials/editorial_070504_1.html The Beginning of the End for Life as We Know it on Planet Earth? There is a Biocentric Solution.]'' {{w|Sea Shepherd Conservation Society}} (May 4, 2007)
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|extinction}}
*[https://theconversation.com/what-is-a-mass-extinction-and-are-we-in-one-now-122535 What is a ‘mass extinction’ and are we in one now?] ''{{w|:The Conversation (website)|The Conversation}}'', November 12, 2019.
[[Category:Themes]]
[[Category:Ecology]]
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Metaphysics
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[[File:Aristotle, Metaphysics, Incunabulum (cropped).jpg|thumb|If the aim of physical theories is to explain experimental laws, theoretical physics is not an autonomous science; it is subordinate to metaphysics. ~ [[Pierre Duhem]] ]]
'''[[w:Metaphysics|Metaphysics]]''' is the branch of [[philosophy]] that studies the fundamental nature of reality, the first principles of being, identity and change, space and time, causality, necessity, and possibility. It includes questions about the nature of [[consciousness]] and the relationship between [[mind]] and [[matter]].
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{{TOCalpha|[[#Anonymous|Anonymous]]}}
== A ==
* I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
** [[Woody Allen]], ''[[Annie Hall]]'' (1977)
== B ==
* Philosophy and metaphysics are notorious because of the endless disputes that have always devastated them.
** [[Gustavo Bontadini]], ''Appunti di filosofia'', Vita e Pensiero, 1996.
* All disciplines have being as their ultimate material object; but it must be said that metaphysics has it as its formal object.
** Gustavo Bontadini, ''Appunti di filosofia'', Vita e Pensiero, 1996.
* If only these metaphysicians would give their attention to the lengthy discursive processes which lead science to build new intuitions.
** [[Gaston Bachelard]], "The Philosophic Dialectic of the Concepts of Relativity" (1949) in ''Albert Einstein: Philosopher-Scientist'' ed. {{w|Paul Arthur Schilpp}}, Tr. Forrest W. Williams.
* '''There ''are'' metaphysical problems, which cannot be disposed of by declaring them meaningless.''' For, as I have repeatedly said, they are "beyond physics" indeed and demand an act of faith. We have to accept this fact to be honest. There are two objectionable types of believers: those who believe the incredible and those who believe that "belief" must be discarded and replaced by "the scientific method."
** [[Max Born]], ''Natural Philosophy of Cause and Chance'' (1964), p. 209
* The only way to avoid becoming a metaphysician is to say nothing.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science'' (1925), p. 224
** Often misquoted or paraphrased as "The only way to avoid metaphysics is to say nothing." Cf. on p. 225, "you cannot avoid metaphysics".
* [E]ven the attempt to escape metaphysics is no sooner put in the form of a proposition than it is seen to involve highly metaphysical postulates.{{pb}}For this reason there is an exceedingly subtle and insidious danger in [[positivism]]. If you cannot avoid metaphysics, what kind of metaphysics are you likely to cherish when you sturdily suppose yourself to be free from the abomination? Of course it goes without saying that in this case your metaphysics will be held uncritically because it is unconscious; moreover it will be passed on to others far more readily than your other notions inasmuch as it will be propagated by insinuation rather than by direct argument.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science'' (1925), p. 225
* And [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge|Coleridge]], too, has lately taken wing,<br>But like a hawk encumber'd with his hood,—<br>Explaining metaphysics to the nation—<br>I wish he would explain his explanation.
** [[Lord Byron]], [[Don Juan (Byron)|''Don Juan'']] (1819–1824), Dedication, st. 2
== C ==
* ''Je dirais volontiers des métaphysiciens ce que Scaliger disait des Basques: “on dit qu’ils s’entendent; mais je n’en crois rien.”
* I am quite prepared to say of metaphysicians what Scaliger used to say of the Basques: “People declare that they understand one another, but I don’t believe a word of it.”
** [[Nicolas Chamfort]], ''Maximes et Pensées'', cap. vii. (vol. 2, p. 84)
** Reported in: [https://archive.org/details/classicalforeign00king/page/150/mode/2up ''Classical and Foreign Quotations''], 3rd ed. (1904), no. 1175
== D ==
* The objective world of science has nothing in common with the world of things-in-themselves of the metaphysician. The metaphysical world, assuming that it has any meaning at all, is irrelevant to science.
** [[Aram D'Abro]], ''[https://archive.org/details/TheEvolutionOfScientificThought The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein]'' (1927) footnote, p. 152
* [[Immanuel Kant|Kant]]'s attitude toward [[Isaac Newton|Newton]]'s absolute space is somewhat confused. At times he defends the absoluteness... At other times he presents his own arguments in favor of the relativity of space and motion. ... At any rate the problem of the absoluteness of space and time in classical science refers ''not to the essence of space and time'' (a problem which would degenerate into one of metaphysics, hence would be meaningless to the scientists), but solely to a discussion of those conceptions which are demanded of the world of experience. Hence we may realise that a man ignorant of mechanics is in no position to pass an opinion one way or the other. And Kant's knowledge of [[Classical mechanics|Newtonian mechanics]] was extremely poor, to say the least.
** Aram D'Abro, ''The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein'' (1927) footnote, p. 417-418
* Now these two questions — Does there exist a material reality distinct from sensible appearances? and What is the nature of reality? — do not have their source in experimental method, which is acquainted only with sensible appearances and can discover nothing beyond them. The resolution of these questions transcends the methods used by physics; it is the object of metaphysics. Therefore, if the aim of physical theories is to explain experimental laws, theoretical physics is not an autonomous science; it is subordinate to metaphysics.
** [[Pierre Duhem]], ''The Aim and Structure of Physical Theory'' (1906), tr. Philip P. Wiener, 1991, Princeton University Press, p. 10, <small> {{ISBN|069102524X}}</small>
== E ==
* There exists a passion for comprehension, just as there exists a passion for music. That passion is rather common in children, but it gets lost in most people later on. Without this passion, there would be neither mathematics nor natural science. Time and again the passion for understanding has led to the illusion that man is able to comprehend the objective world rationally, by pure thought, without any [[Empiricism|empirical]] foundations—in short, by metaphysics. I believe that every true theorist is a kind of tamed metaphysicist, no matter how pure a "[[Positivism|positivist]]" he may fancy himself. The metaphysicist believes that the logically simple is also the real. The tamed metaphysicist believes that not all that is logically simple is embodied in experienced reality, but that the totality of all sensory experience can be "comprehended" on the basis of a conceptual system built on premises of great simplicity. The skeptic will say that this is a "miracle creed." Admittedly so, but it is a miracle creed which has been borne out to an amazing extent by the development of science.
** [[Albert Einstein]], ''On the Generalized Theory of Gravitation'' (April, 1950) ''Scientific American'' Vol. 182, No. 4. Also quoted in ''Ideas and Opinions'', 1954, Part V, Contributions to Science.
== G ==
* Metaphysics, because it opens out a limitless vista of possibilities, must take care never to lose sight of the inexpressible, which indeed constitutes its very essence.
** [[René Guénon]], ''Introduction to the Study of the Hindu Doctrines'' (1921)
== H ==
* The search for necessary truths, truths that are not only true, but they couldn't have been false.
** [[Charles Hartshorne]], philosopher, in the ''Veery'' journal interview (1996) in response to ''Veery'' editor Steven Vita's question of "What is the most rewarding aspect of philosophy?" Hartshorne's answer of metaphysics with this quoted definition of metaphysics in ''Veery'' is then reprinted in 1997 in the ''Austin American-Statesman'' and then quoted from in ''The New York Times'' obituary by Douglas Martin, October, 13, 2000, entitled “Charles Hartshorne, Theologian, Is Dead; Proponent of an Activist God Was 103.”
* The metaphysical apologia at least betrayed the injustice of the established order through the incongruence of concept and reality. The impartiality of scientific language deprived what was powerless of the strength to make itself heard and merely provided the existing order with a neutral sign for itself. Such neutrality is more metaphysical than metaphysics.
** [[Max Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor Adorno]], ''[[Dialectic of Enlightenment]]'', E. Jephcott, trans., p. 17
* In an ideal university the student would ''not'' proceed from the most recent observations back to the first principles, but from the first principles to whatever recent observations we claim significant in understanding them. ...The natural sciences derive their principles from the philosophy of nature which, in turn, depends on metaphysics. ...Metaphysics, the study of the first principles, pervades the whole. Dependent on it and subordinate to it are the social and natural sciences.
** [[Robert Maynard Hutchins]], ''The Higher Learning in America'' (1936)
* To all appearance, the phenomena exhibited by the pendulum are not to be accounted for by impact: in fact, it is usually assumed that corresponding phenomena would take place if the earth and the pendulum were situated in an absolute vacuum, and at any conceivable distance from one another. If this be so, it follows that there must be two totally different kinds of causes of motion: the one impact—a ''vera causa'' [true cause], of which, to all appearance, we have constant experience; the other, attractive or repulsive 'force'—a metaphysical entity which is physically inconceivable.
** [[Thomas Henry Huxley]], ''[[The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century]]'' (1889)
== J ==
* Metaphysical assertions, however, are statements of the psyche, and are therefore psychological. ... Whenever the Westerner hears the word “psychological,” it always sounds to him like “only psychological.”
** [[Carl Jung]], ''Psyche and Symbol'' (1958), p. 285
== K ==
* The only way to avoid metaphysics is to avoid thinking.
** [[Robert Koons|Robert C. Koons]] and Timothy H. Pickavance, ''Metaphysics: The Fundamentals'' (Wiley-Blackwell, 2015), p. 9
== M ==
[[File:Flammarion.jpg|thumb|The basic drive behind real philosophy is curiosity about the world, not interest in the writings of philosophers. ~ [[Bryan Magee]]]]
* '''The basic drive behind real philosophy is curiosity about the world, not interest in the writings of philosophers.''' Each of us emerges from the preconsciousness of babyhood and simply finds himself here, in it, in the world. That experience alone astonishes some people. What is all this — what is the world? And what are we? From the beginning of humanity some have been under a compulsion to ask these questions, and have felt a craving for the answers. This is what is really meant by any such phrase as "mankind's need for metaphysics."
** [[Bryan Magee]], ''Confessions of a Philosopher: A Journey through Western Philosophy'' (1997), p. 232
* It has been asserted that metaphysical speculation is a thing of the past and that physical science has extirpated it. The discussion of the [[w:Category of being|categories of existence]], however, does not appear to be in danger of coming to an end in our time, and the exercise of speculation continues as fascinating to every fresh mind as it was in the days of [[Thales]].
** [[James Clerk Maxwell]], ''[[The Scientific Papers of James Clerk Maxwell]]'' (1890) Vol.2, XLIV Introductory Lecture on Experimental Physics
* It is from the new truths contained in the great philosophical potential of [[Christianity]] that Christian [[metaphysics]] derives its main characteristics. It will always be a “'creationist”', “'personalistic”', “'spiritualistic”' and “'agapic”' metaphysics. (introduction, p. 15)
** Father [[Battista Mondin]], ''Storia della metafisica'', PDUL Edizioni Studio Domenicano, Bologna, 1998, volume II.
* Great metaphysical creations always coincide with the golden age of a civilisation. Whereas the disappearance of [[Metaphysics]] is one of the most eloquent signs of a civilisation's decline. (prologue, p. 7)
** Father Battista Mondin, ''Storia della metafisica'', PDUL Edizioni Studio Domenicano, Bologna, 1998, volume III
* All metaphysical theories are inconclusively vulnerable to positivist attack.
** [[Iris Murdoch]], ''Sartre: Romantic Rationalist'' (1953), Ch. 9. Harmondsworth: Penguin, 1989, p. 127
== N ==
[[File:Nietzsche1882 smaller.jpeg|thumb|Even we knowers of today, we godless anti-metaphysicians, still take our fire, too, from the flame lit by the thousand-year-old faith, the Christian faith which was also [[Plato|Plato's]] faith, that God is truth; that truth is divine. ~ [[Friedrich Nietzsche]]]]
* "Will to truth" does not mean "I do not want to let myself be deceived" but—there is no alternative—"I will not deceive, not even myself"; and with that we stand on moral ground. ... You will have gathered what I am getting at, namely, that it is still a metaphysical faith upon which our faith in science rests—that even we knowers of today, we godless anti-metaphysicians, still take our fire, too, from the flame lit by the thousand-year-old faith, the Christian faith which was also [[Plato|Plato's]] faith, that God is truth; that truth is divine.
** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''The Gay Science'' (1882), B. Williams, ed. (2001), § 344
== P ==
* Find a scientific man who proposes to get along without any metaphysics […] and you have found one whose doctrines are thoroughly vitiated by the crude and uncriticized metaphysics with which they are packed. We must philosophize, said the great naturalist [[Aristotle]] — if only to avoid philosophizing.
** [[Charles Sanders Peirce]], ''The Collected Papers'', edited by Charles Hartshorne and Paul Weiss (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1974), Vol. 1, p. 129
== S ==
* There is a school of [[Philosophy]] still in existence of which modern culture has lost sight. Glimpses of it are discernible in the ancient philosophies with which all educated men are familiar, but these are hardly more intelligible than fragments of forgotten sculpture,-less so, for we comprehend the human form, and can give imaginary limbs to a torso; but we can give no imaginary meaning to the truth coming down to us from [[Plato]] or [[Pythagoras]], pointing, for those who hold the clue to their significance, to the secret knowledge of the ancient world. Side lights, nevertheless, may enable us to decipher such language, and a very rich intellectual reward offers itself to persons who are willing to attempt the investigation. For, strange as the statement will appear at first sight, modern metaphysics, and to a large extent modern physical science, have been groping for centuries blindly after knowledge which [[Occultism|occult]] philosophy has enjoyed in full measure all the while. Owing to a train of fortunate circumstances, I have come to know that this is the case; I have come into some contact with persons who are heirs of a greater knowledge concerning the mysteries of Nature and humanity than modern culture has yet evolved...
** [[A. P. Sinnett]], [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.264542 ''The Occult World''], (1881)
== T ==
* Let the reader be warned accordingly, that whenever he hears a philosopher proclaim any metaphysical opinion with great confidence, or hears him asset that something in metaphysics is obvious, or that some metaphysical problem turns only on confusions of concepts or upon the meanings of words, then he can be quite sure that this man is still infinitely far from philosophical [[understanding]]. His views appear to him devoid of difficulties only because he stoutly refuses to see difficulties.
** [[Richard Taylor (philosopher)|Richard Taylor]], ''Metaphysics,'' (1963) [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=uc1.b4410806&seq=22 Introduction, p. 2]
* Mathematics is the only true metaphysics.
** [[William Thomson]], as quoted by [[w:Silvanus P. Thompson|Silvanus Phillips Thompson]], ''The Life of William Thomson, Baron Kelvin of Largs'' (1910) [https://books.google.com/books?id=S_PPAAAAMAAJ Vol. 2], p. 1124
* The metaphysics that still dominates science and enthralls the minds of men is nothing but a metaphor, and a limited one.
** [[Colin Murray Turbayne]], ''The Myth of Metaphor'' (1962) [https://catalog.hathitrust.org/Search/Home?type%5B%5D=author&lookfor%5B%5D=Colin%20Murray%20Turbayne&page=1&pagesize=100&ft=ft], p. 6.
== See also ==
*[[The Ageless Wisdom Teachings]]
*[[Clairvoyance]]
*[[Esotericism]]
*[[Occult]]
* [[Ontology]]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|metaphysics}}
{{Philosophy topics}}
[[Category:Metaphysics| ]]
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[[File:Aristotle, Metaphysics, Incunabulum (cropped).jpg|thumb|If the aim of physical theories is to explain experimental laws, theoretical physics is not an autonomous science; it is subordinate to metaphysics. ~ [[Pierre Duhem]] ]]
'''[[w:Metaphysics|Metaphysics]]''' is the branch of [[philosophy]] that studies the fundamental nature of reality, the first principles of being, identity and change, space and time, causality, necessity, and possibility. It includes questions about the nature of [[consciousness]] and the relationship between [[mind]] and [[matter]].
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha|[[#Anonymous|Anonymous]]}}
== A ==
* I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
** [[Woody Allen]], ''[[Annie Hall]]'' (1977)
== B ==
* Philosophy and metaphysics are notorious because of the endless disputes that have always devastated them.
** [[Gustavo Bontadini]], ''Appunti di filosofia'', Vita e Pensiero, 1996.{{citation needed}}
* All disciplines have being as their ultimate material object; but it must be said that metaphysics has it as its formal object.
** Gustavo Bontadini, ''Appunti di filosofia'', Vita e Pensiero, 1996.{{citation needed}}
* If only these metaphysicians would give their attention to the lengthy discursive processes which lead science to build new intuitions.
** [[Gaston Bachelard]], "The Philosophic Dialectic of the Concepts of Relativity" (1949) in ''Albert Einstein: Philosopher-Scientist'' ed. {{w|Paul Arthur Schilpp}}, Tr. Forrest W. Williams.
* '''There ''are'' metaphysical problems, which cannot be disposed of by declaring them meaningless.''' For, as I have repeatedly said, they are "beyond physics" indeed and demand an act of faith. We have to accept this fact to be honest. There are two objectionable types of believers: those who believe the incredible and those who believe that "belief" must be discarded and replaced by "the scientific method."
** [[Max Born]], ''Natural Philosophy of Cause and Chance'' (1964), p. 209
* The only way to avoid becoming a metaphysician is to say nothing.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science'' (1925), p. 224
** Often misquoted or paraphrased as "The only way to avoid metaphysics is to say nothing." Cf. on p. 225, "you cannot avoid metaphysics".
* [E]ven the attempt to escape metaphysics is no sooner put in the form of a proposition than it is seen to involve highly metaphysical postulates.{{pb}}For this reason there is an exceedingly subtle and insidious danger in [[positivism]]. If you cannot avoid metaphysics, what kind of metaphysics are you likely to cherish when you sturdily suppose yourself to be free from the abomination? Of course it goes without saying that in this case your metaphysics will be held uncritically because it is unconscious; moreover it will be passed on to others far more readily than your other notions inasmuch as it will be propagated by insinuation rather than by direct argument.
** [[Edwin Arthur Burtt]], ''The Metaphysical Foundations of Modern Physical Science'' (1925), p. 225
* And [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge|Coleridge]], too, has lately taken wing,<br>But like a hawk encumber'd with his hood,—<br>Explaining metaphysics to the nation—<br>I wish he would explain his explanation.
** [[Lord Byron]], [[Don Juan (Byron)|''Don Juan'']] (1819–1824), Dedication, st. 2
== C ==
* ''Je dirais volontiers des métaphysiciens ce que Scaliger disait des Basques: “on dit qu’ils s’entendent; mais je n’en crois rien.”
* I am quite prepared to say of metaphysicians what Scaliger used to say of the Basques: “People declare that they understand one another, but I don’t believe a word of it.”
** [[Nicolas Chamfort]], ''Maximes et Pensées'', cap. vii. (vol. 2, p. 84)
** Reported in: [https://archive.org/details/classicalforeign00king/page/150/mode/2up ''Classical and Foreign Quotations''], 3rd ed. (1904), no. 1175
== D ==
* The objective world of science has nothing in common with the world of things-in-themselves of the metaphysician. The metaphysical world, assuming that it has any meaning at all, is irrelevant to science.
** [[Aram D'Abro]], ''[https://archive.org/details/TheEvolutionOfScientificThought The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein]'' (1927) footnote, p. 152
* [[Immanuel Kant|Kant]]'s attitude toward [[Isaac Newton|Newton]]'s absolute space is somewhat confused. At times he defends the absoluteness... At other times he presents his own arguments in favor of the relativity of space and motion. ... At any rate the problem of the absoluteness of space and time in classical science refers ''not to the essence of space and time'' (a problem which would degenerate into one of metaphysics, hence would be meaningless to the scientists), but solely to a discussion of those conceptions which are demanded of the world of experience. Hence we may realise that a man ignorant of mechanics is in no position to pass an opinion one way or the other. And Kant's knowledge of [[Classical mechanics|Newtonian mechanics]] was extremely poor, to say the least.
** Aram D'Abro, ''The Evolution of Scientific Thought from Newton to Einstein'' (1927) footnote, p. 417-418
* Now these two questions — Does there exist a material reality distinct from sensible appearances? and What is the nature of reality? — do not have their source in experimental method, which is acquainted only with sensible appearances and can discover nothing beyond them. The resolution of these questions transcends the methods used by physics; it is the object of metaphysics. Therefore, if the aim of physical theories is to explain experimental laws, theoretical physics is not an autonomous science; it is subordinate to metaphysics.
** [[Pierre Duhem]], ''The Aim and Structure of Physical Theory'' (1906), tr. Philip P. Wiener, 1991, Princeton University Press, p. 10, <small> {{ISBN|069102524X}}</small>
== E ==
* There exists a passion for comprehension, just as there exists a passion for music. That passion is rather common in children, but it gets lost in most people later on. Without this passion, there would be neither mathematics nor natural science. Time and again the passion for understanding has led to the illusion that man is able to comprehend the objective world rationally, by pure thought, without any [[Empiricism|empirical]] foundations—in short, by metaphysics. I believe that every true theorist is a kind of tamed metaphysicist, no matter how pure a "[[Positivism|positivist]]" he may fancy himself. The metaphysicist believes that the logically simple is also the real. The tamed metaphysicist believes that not all that is logically simple is embodied in experienced reality, but that the totality of all sensory experience can be "comprehended" on the basis of a conceptual system built on premises of great simplicity. The skeptic will say that this is a "miracle creed." Admittedly so, but it is a miracle creed which has been borne out to an amazing extent by the development of science.
** [[Albert Einstein]], ''On the Generalized Theory of Gravitation'' (April, 1950) ''Scientific American'' Vol. 182, No. 4. Also quoted in ''Ideas and Opinions'', 1954, Part V, Contributions to Science.
== G ==
* Metaphysics, because it opens out a limitless vista of possibilities, must take care never to lose sight of the inexpressible, which indeed constitutes its very essence.
** [[René Guénon]], ''Introduction to the Study of the Hindu Doctrines'' (1921)
== H ==
* The search for necessary truths, truths that are not only true, but they couldn't have been false.
** [[Charles Hartshorne]], philosopher, in the ''Veery'' journal interview (1996) in response to ''Veery'' editor Steven Vita's question of "What is the most rewarding aspect of philosophy?" Hartshorne's answer of metaphysics with this quoted definition of metaphysics in ''Veery'' is then reprinted in 1997 in the ''Austin American-Statesman'' and then quoted from in ''The New York Times'' obituary by Douglas Martin, October, 13, 2000, entitled “Charles Hartshorne, Theologian, Is Dead; Proponent of an Activist God Was 103.”
* The metaphysical apologia at least betrayed the injustice of the established order through the incongruence of concept and reality. The impartiality of scientific language deprived what was powerless of the strength to make itself heard and merely provided the existing order with a neutral sign for itself. Such neutrality is more metaphysical than metaphysics.
** [[Max Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor Adorno]], ''[[Dialectic of Enlightenment]]'', E. Jephcott, trans., p. 17
* In an ideal university the student would ''not'' proceed from the most recent observations back to the first principles, but from the first principles to whatever recent observations we claim significant in understanding them. ...The natural sciences derive their principles from the philosophy of nature which, in turn, depends on metaphysics. ...Metaphysics, the study of the first principles, pervades the whole. Dependent on it and subordinate to it are the social and natural sciences.
** [[Robert Maynard Hutchins]], ''The Higher Learning in America'' (1936)
* To all appearance, the phenomena exhibited by the pendulum are not to be accounted for by impact: in fact, it is usually assumed that corresponding phenomena would take place if the earth and the pendulum were situated in an absolute vacuum, and at any conceivable distance from one another. If this be so, it follows that there must be two totally different kinds of causes of motion: the one impact—a ''vera causa'' [true cause], of which, to all appearance, we have constant experience; the other, attractive or repulsive 'force'—a metaphysical entity which is physically inconceivable.
** [[Thomas Henry Huxley]], ''[[The Advance of Science in the Last Half-Century]]'' (1889)
== J ==
* Metaphysical assertions, however, are statements of the psyche, and are therefore psychological. ... Whenever the Westerner hears the word “psychological,” it always sounds to him like “only psychological.”
** [[Carl Jung]], ''Psyche and Symbol'' (1958), p. 285
== K ==
* The only way to avoid metaphysics is to avoid thinking.
** [[Robert Koons|Robert C. Koons]] and Timothy H. Pickavance, ''Metaphysics: The Fundamentals'' (Wiley-Blackwell, 2015), p. 9
== M ==
[[File:Flammarion.jpg|thumb|The basic drive behind real philosophy is curiosity about the world, not interest in the writings of philosophers. ~ [[Bryan Magee]]]]
* '''The basic drive behind real philosophy is curiosity about the world, not interest in the writings of philosophers.''' Each of us emerges from the preconsciousness of babyhood and simply finds himself here, in it, in the world. That experience alone astonishes some people. What is all this — what is the world? And what are we? From the beginning of humanity some have been under a compulsion to ask these questions, and have felt a craving for the answers. This is what is really meant by any such phrase as "mankind's need for metaphysics."
** [[Bryan Magee]], ''Confessions of a Philosopher: A Journey through Western Philosophy'' (1997), p. 232
* It has been asserted that metaphysical speculation is a thing of the past and that physical science has extirpated it. The discussion of the [[w:Category of being|categories of existence]], however, does not appear to be in danger of coming to an end in our time, and the exercise of speculation continues as fascinating to every fresh mind as it was in the days of [[Thales]].
** [[James Clerk Maxwell]], ''[[The Scientific Papers of James Clerk Maxwell]]'' (1890) Vol.2, XLIV Introductory Lecture on Experimental Physics
* It is from the new truths contained in the great philosophical potential of [[Christianity]] that Christian [[metaphysics]] derives its main characteristics. It will always be a “'creationist”', “'personalistic”', “'spiritualistic”' and “'agapic”' metaphysics. (introduction, p. 15)
** Father [[Battista Mondin]], ''Storia della metafisica'', PDUL Edizioni Studio Domenicano, Bologna, 1998, volume II.{{citation needed}}
* Great metaphysical creations always coincide with the golden age of a civilisation. Whereas the disappearance of [[Metaphysics]] is one of the most eloquent signs of a civilisation's decline. (prologue, p. 7)
** Father Battista Mondin, ''Storia della metafisica'', PDUL Edizioni Studio Domenicano, Bologna, 1998, volume III.{{citation needed}}
* All metaphysical theories are inconclusively vulnerable to positivist attack.
** [[Iris Murdoch]], ''Sartre: Romantic Rationalist'' (1953), Ch. 9. Harmondsworth: Penguin, 1989, p. 127
== N ==
[[File:Nietzsche1882 smaller.jpeg|thumb|Even we knowers of today, we godless anti-metaphysicians, still take our fire, too, from the flame lit by the thousand-year-old faith, the Christian faith which was also [[Plato|Plato's]] faith, that God is truth; that truth is divine. ~ [[Friedrich Nietzsche]]]]
* "Will to truth" does not mean "I do not want to let myself be deceived" but—there is no alternative—"I will not deceive, not even myself"; and with that we stand on moral ground. ... You will have gathered what I am getting at, namely, that it is still a metaphysical faith upon which our faith in science rests—that even we knowers of today, we godless anti-metaphysicians, still take our fire, too, from the flame lit by the thousand-year-old faith, the Christian faith which was also [[Plato|Plato's]] faith, that God is truth; that truth is divine.
** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], ''The Gay Science'' (1882), B. Williams, ed. (2001), § 344
== P ==
* Find a scientific man who proposes to get along without any metaphysics […] and you have found one whose doctrines are thoroughly vitiated by the crude and uncriticized metaphysics with which they are packed. We must philosophize, said the great naturalist [[Aristotle]] — if only to avoid philosophizing.
** [[Charles Sanders Peirce]], ''The Collected Papers'', edited by Charles Hartshorne and Paul Weiss (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1974), Vol. 1, p. 129
== S ==
* There is a school of [[Philosophy]] still in existence of which modern culture has lost sight. Glimpses of it are discernible in the ancient philosophies with which all educated men are familiar, but these are hardly more intelligible than fragments of forgotten sculpture,-less so, for we comprehend the human form, and can give imaginary limbs to a torso; but we can give no imaginary meaning to the truth coming down to us from [[Plato]] or [[Pythagoras]], pointing, for those who hold the clue to their significance, to the secret knowledge of the ancient world. Side lights, nevertheless, may enable us to decipher such language, and a very rich intellectual reward offers itself to persons who are willing to attempt the investigation. For, strange as the statement will appear at first sight, modern metaphysics, and to a large extent modern physical science, have been groping for centuries blindly after knowledge which [[Occultism|occult]] philosophy has enjoyed in full measure all the while. Owing to a train of fortunate circumstances, I have come to know that this is the case; I have come into some contact with persons who are heirs of a greater knowledge concerning the mysteries of Nature and humanity than modern culture has yet evolved...
** [[A. P. Sinnett]], [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.264542 ''The Occult World''], (1881)
== T ==
* Let the reader be warned accordingly, that whenever he hears a philosopher proclaim any metaphysical opinion with great confidence, or hears him asset that something in metaphysics is obvious, or that some metaphysical problem turns only on confusions of concepts or upon the meanings of words, then he can be quite sure that this man is still infinitely far from philosophical [[understanding]]. His views appear to him devoid of difficulties only because he stoutly refuses to see difficulties.
** [[Richard Taylor (philosopher)|Richard Taylor]], ''Metaphysics,'' (1963) [https://babel.hathitrust.org/cgi/pt?id=uc1.b4410806&seq=22 Introduction, p. 2]
* Mathematics is the only true metaphysics.
** [[William Thomson]], as quoted by [[w:Silvanus P. Thompson|Silvanus Phillips Thompson]], ''The Life of William Thomson, Baron Kelvin of Largs'' (1910) [https://books.google.com/books?id=S_PPAAAAMAAJ Vol. 2], p. 1124
* The metaphysics that still dominates science and enthralls the minds of men is nothing but a metaphor, and a limited one.
** [[Colin Murray Turbayne]], ''The Myth of Metaphor'' (1962) [https://catalog.hathitrust.org/Search/Home?type%5B%5D=author&lookfor%5B%5D=Colin%20Murray%20Turbayne&page=1&pagesize=100&ft=ft], p. 6.
== See also ==
*[[The Ageless Wisdom Teachings]]
*[[Clairvoyance]]
*[[Esotericism]]
*[[Occult]]
* [[Ontology]]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|metaphysics}}
{{Philosophy topics}}
[[Category:Metaphysics| ]]
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My Life as a Teenage Robot
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:My Life as a Teenage Robot|My Life as a Teenage Robot]]''''', otherwise referred to as '''''A Teenage Robot''''' or '''''Teenage Robot'''' for short, is an animated TV show on Nickelodeon about the misadventures of a powerful adolescent [[w:robot|robot]] girl named "Jenny", who has to shift between her responsibilities protecting her home town from danger and trying to live a normal human life.
== Season 1 ==
===''It Came from Next Door/Pest Control'' [1.1]===
:'''Brad:''' Hi, Jenny, my name's Brad– Whoa, a real life robot!
:'''Jenny:''' A real life teenager!
:'''Both:''' ''[in unison]'' Whoa! Look at that, and those, and the hair. ''[laughs]''
:'''Brad:''' So, you're like a super hero who goes around the world having death-defying adventures and defeating dastardly villains?
:'''Jenny:''' Mm-hmm.
:'''Brad:''' Sweet!
:'''Jenny:''' And you're a teenager who goes to high school and meet tons of other kids and hangs out with them?
:'''Brad:''' Of course.
:'''Jenny:''' Cool! ''[She turns to a grumpy-looking Spanish female teenager, who is Andy]'' Hi, Andy, wanna come join us for fun?
:'''Mikey:''' Yeah, and you haven't spoke to my daughter yet! She's a ''real'' robot now. ''[laughs]''
:
:'''Andy:''' ''[She starts gritting her teeth, angrily throws her rag doll into the garbage can, and progressively starts shouting in rage] '''WHO ARE THE WAKEMANS?!!!'''''
:
===''Raggedy Android/Class Action'' [1.2]===
:'''Jenny:''' You never let me do ANYTHING I WANT! WORK! WORK! WORK! I NEVER GET TO HAVE ANY FUN! If you don't let me go, I'll... I'll...
:'''Nora''': Don't you raise your lasers to me, young lady!
===''Attack of the 5 1/2 Ft. Geek/Doom with a View'' [1.3]===
:''[Sheldon is being thrown across the room by a bunch of bullies]''
:'''Jenny:''' Excuse me, I need to speak with the young man you're terrorizing.
===''Ear No Evil/Unlicensed Flying Object'' [1.4]===
:'''Nora''': Earrings? I designed a "state of the art", crime-fighting robot, not some simple mannequin to hang with googols and gimcrackery!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': It's got to be around here somewhere.
:'''Brad''': ''[tagging along while flying the jet pack]'' How about that gas station?
:'''Jenny''': No, that's a tra... ''[realizes]'' Huh?! Brad, what are you doing?
:'''Brad''': Duh. Trying out my new jet pack.
:'''Jenny''': I meant, what are you doing ''here?''
:'''Brad''': Helping you find the UFO.
:'''Jenny''': You can't do that. This is a very delicate intergalactic situation. Turn around and go home right now.
:'''Brad''': Your lips say, "go home," but your eyes say…
:'''Jenny''': Leave? Look, Brad, this could be dangerous, and I can't watch out for you.
:'''Brad''': You don't have to. I can take care of myself.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tuck''': ''[enters the UFO cockpit]'' Brad? ''[gasps upon seeing Brad fiddling around with the controls]'' Brad, what are you doing?! You're gonna blows us up or vaporize us or get us grounded! ''[Brad pulls a lever starting up the UFO as it starts rising off the ground]'' Or get us ''ungrounded.'' ''[Jenny hears the UFO rising, turns around, and sees it flying out the woods and into the sky]'' Get us down, get us down, get us down!
:'''Brad''': I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying! ''[The UFO screeches to a stop in midair]'' Did that stop it?
:'''Tuck''': No. ''[points to Jenny with her foot on it]'' ''That'' did.
:'''Jenny''': I thought I told you to stay put.
:'''Brad''': Well, we tried, but then you…
:'''Jenny''': Put the ship down.
:'''Brad''': That's what I...
:'''Jenny''': Down!
:'''Brad''': But...
:'''Jenny''': Now.
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:'''Jenny''': ''[walks to the driver's seat, getting Brad her attention]'' Brad. Brad? ''[shouts]'' BRAD!
:'''Brad''': ''[snapping back to reality]'' What? W-what's going on?
:'''Jenny''': You're done driving. ''That's'' what's going on.
:'''Brad''': ''[smacks her hand away]'' Hey, who put ''you'' in charge of me?
:'''Jenny''': ''[arguing in unison]'' You break into an alien spaceship after I told you to stay away from it, but that's not good enough for you.
:'''Brad''': ''[arguing in unison]'' You've been bossing me around all morning.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alien Karl''': ''[as he and his wife walk back to their UFO]'' Yeah, well, personally, I can't wait to get off this hick planet. Bunch of rip-off artists, these earthlings. $5 for a cup of coffee. No extraterrestrial discount at the hotel, and I know that bellboy stole my tricorder!
===''Party Machine/Speak No Evil'' [1.5]===
[[File:Hiragana A Character.png|thumb|XJ-9! You must slow down. Japanese is not my forte.]]
:'''Jenny''': Your little girl is growing up.
:'''Nora''': You're right, XJ-9. Well technically you're wrong because you're a robot and will remain a teenager forever, but metaphorically, you're absolutely right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': How is it, again, that you know the Minutians will land here?
:'''Nora''': They always land here. Why do you think I moved here?
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:'''Brad''': You can't stay, Tuck.
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, adults only.
:''[Tuck starts sobbing]''
:'''Brad''': See? This is exactly why he can't be here.
:'''Tuck''': I could be an adult! I COULD BE AN ADULT!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tuck''': Hi, Jenny! How was Japan?
:'''Jenny''': ''[in Japanese]'' Good afternoon.
:'''Tuck''': "Konichiwa"? Cool! ''[He and his brother were given two gifts from Jenny]'' For us?
:'''Brad''': Aw, you didn't have to bring these.
:'''Jenny''': [in Japanese] Eh, no big.
:'''Tuck''': "So ne". Hahaha!
:'''Brad''': ''[laughs]'' I got to run to the mall. Hey, Jenny, you want to come?
:'''Jenny''': ''[in Japanese]'' Sure.
:'''Brad''': Huh?
:'''Jenny''': ''[in Japanese]'' What's wrong with you? Don't you hear me? I love going to the mall. [she is surprised] Why Japanese? Why am I only speaking Japanese? Why? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
===''See No Evil/The Great Unwashed'' [1.6]===
[[File:Eye orbit anatomy anterior2.jpg|thumb|All the world’s eyewear will be mine and mine alone! And there’s nothing you can do to stop me!]]
:'''Jenny:''' ''[takes off her old eyes, sets them on her bed, and puts on the multi-functional bug-eyed eyes; through her POV, Nora is all digital style]'' Whoa, you're all blocky style.
:'''Nora:''' That's digital vision. Flip through the other settings.
:'''Jenny:''' ''[flipping through]'' Ultraviolet vision. Infrared vision. X-ray vision! Heat vision! Rainbow vision. Oh, pretty colors! Wow, I even have sausage vision. ''[flips back to normal setting]''
:'''Nora:''' So, what you think?
:'''Jenny:''' I think… ''[turns around, revealing the eyes are too big for her]'' I'll be the coolest-looking teenager ever!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny:''' Hey, Mom, which setting is number one?
:'''Nora:''' The number one? Normal.
:'''Jenny:''' That's funny. I thought you said, "normal."
:'''Nora:''' I did.
:'''Jenny:''' ''[looks at her reflection, then Nora, then everything, all completely normal; enraged]'' Normal? You call ''this'' normal?! How could you do this to me?!
:'''Nora:''' Do what? What are you talking about?
:'''Jenny:''' I'm talking about these wiggly-squiggly bug snakes you call eyes!
:'''Nora:''' XJ-9, you're not looking at the big picture.
:'''Jenny:''' And you're not looking at ''this'' picture. It's called, "I made my daughter a total dweeb."
:'''Nora:''' You don't look dweeb, I think you look very pa-hat.
:'''Jenny:''' It's pronounced "fat," mother, and giant periscopes in your head are not phat, dope, or even cool! I want my old eyes back.
:'''Nora:''' What? But these are ''far'' more efficient.
:'''Jenny:''' Who cares about efficiency?
:'''Nora:''' I do. And so should you, young lady. Now, stop being silly.
:'''Jenny:''' The only way to stop being silly is to ''lose'' these jokes. ''[takes off and ditches the bug-eyed eyes, leaving her sightless]''
:'''Nora:''' XJ-9, you cannot go sightless. You have a job to do.
:'''Jenny:''' Give me my old eyes back, and I'll do it.
:'''Nora:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Jenny:''' Fine! ''[starts walking off]'' I'll save the world without your stinking eye...''[trips over a hot dog cart, getting hot dog wieners in her eye holes]''
:'''Nora:''' If you can't even conquer a hot dog cart, how can you hope to conquer evil?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny:''' Now to shed a little light on the subject of the invisible man. ''[flips through the settings and and stops on the infrared setting]'' Hey. You're not an invisible man. You're an invisible ''eyeball!''
===''The Return of the Raggedy Android/The Boy Who Cried Robot'' [1.7]===
===''Sibling Tsunami/I Was a Preschool Dropout'' [1.8]===
:''[Jenny returns home and enters the kitchen, finding a note Nora wrote and left on the fridge]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[reading]'' '''"Gone to town for supplies. Please move quantum gigulator to the basement. Love, Mom. P.S.: I left some motor oil out in case you get thirsty."''' ''[sadly]'' Cheers. ''[drinks some oil and walks down to the basement, carrying the quantum gigulator, and sets it down; notices a door]'' A door? I never noticed that before.
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-7''': I guess no one's going to introduce me. ''[slumps onto the ground; moping]'' I'm worthless.
:'''XJ-5''': You're not worthless, XJ-7. Why, melted down, you'd easily fetch $20 at the recycling plant.
===''Hostile Makeover/Grid Iron Glory'' [1.09]===
:'''Jenny''': ''[to Brad; annoyed]'' Well, Brad, thanks for making me look like a complete… ''[voice deepens]'' fool.
:'''Brad''': Whoa!
:'''Jenny''': ''[covers her mouth]'' Oh, no! Now my voice vocoder is malfunctioning too! ''[the baby laughs at her; quickly dashes out of the restaurant and hides in an alley, wearing a paper bag over her head]'' Great. I'll have to wear this bag on my head forever, and it smells like fish tacos.
:'''Brad''': Everyone goes through this, Jen. It's completely natural.
:''[The Cluster nanobot changes Jenny's mood to happiness by hacking into her mood-o-tron]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[lightens up]'' You're right. It's not so bad. Hey, maybe this bag thing will become a new fad: Fish taco bag heads!
:'''Brad''': That's the spirit.
:''[The Cluster nanobot changes her mood again to anger]''
:'''Jenny''': This is all your fault. ''[savagely tackles Brad up against the wall]'' You and your lousy cover-up!
:'''Brad''': ''[singing]'' Someone's having mood swings.
:''[The Cluster nanobot changes her mood again to sadness]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[tearing up while grieving]'' I'm sorry, sweet Brad! Please forgive me!
:'''Brad''': Don't sweat it, Jen. Hey, I bet you've already started to clear up.
:'''Jenny''': Really? You think so?
:'''Brad''': Sure.
:'''Jenny''': ''[takes the paper bag off her head]'' How do I look?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brad''': ''[gets hit by his football helmet, then trips over it]'' I guess I didn't make the cut?
:'''Coach''': Did you black out?
:'''Brad''': No.
:'''Coach''': Great. You're on the team.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The cheerleader that Jenny accidentally tossed into the sky finally lands]''
:'''Cheerleader''': What did I miss?
===''Dressed To Kill/Shell Game'' [1.10]===
:'''Tiff''': Whatever. You better find some inspiration and fast or we're gonna take our business elsewhere.
===''Daydream Believer/This Time with Feeling'' [1.11]===
:'''Jenny''': ''[gushing]'' Oh my gosh, and then I enjoyed a glass of juice for the first time - orange juice! It tasted like apple! Then Don and I sat in a hot tub, and I didn't electrocute him!
:'''Brad''': You know, Jenn, dreams are more fun to have than to hear about.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': I can turn my dream off anytime I want to. I'm in total control.
:'''Brad''': Is that why you've been jumping on desks and riding drinking fountains?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': ''[giggling]'' That tickles. ''[giggles more]''
:'''Brad''': Yeah, they are a little primitive, you'll probably feel better without 'em.
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, you're right. [raises her arm up showing the last of her nerve ending, she touches it; and she laughs]
===''Saved by the Shell/Tradeshow Showdown'' [1.12]===
:'''Don''': What’s your malfunction, lugnuts? If it’s that robot chick you’re after, you can have her! She’s nothing special.
:'''Silver Shell''': You take that back! Take it back!
:'''Don''': What’s the matter, loser? Did I strike a nerve?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': ''[notices the giant fly again]'' You again? You’ve bugged me for the last time! ''[activates into a bug zapper as the fly touches it, shocking him and instantly killing him]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Nora''': XJ-9? XJ-9. XJ-9!
:'''Jenny''': ''[taking off her headphones]'' Mother, please don't call me that in front of the other robots! It's so embarrassing.
:'''Nora''': But I…
:'''Jenny''': Can't you call me Jenny, just for today?!
:'''Nora''': Yes, but I…
:'''Jenny''': Now, just leave me be until we get to the convention.
:'''Nora''': We are (already) ''at'' the convention.
:'''Jenny''': Thanks, Mom! ''[gets out of the car and dashes off]'' See you later!
:'''Nora''': XJ-9, wait!
===''The Wonderful World of Wizzly/Call Hating'' [1.13]===
:'''Jenny''': You humans should be ashamed of yourselves. Tormenting harmless robots this way. Be free, little woodland robots.
:'''Raccoon Robot''': Where are we supposed to go?
:'''Jenny''': ''[darkly]'' I said…'''''be free.'''''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[after all the park robots have go wild]''
:'''Tuck''': Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Jennifer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': That was horrible!
:'''Brad''': Okay, the waterfall was pretty weak. Just consider it a warm up for what's to come.
:'''Jenny''': A warm up?
:'''Brad''': Sure, ya gotta start somewhere.
:'''Tuck''': And the rest of the rides only get better.
:'''Jenny''': ''[upset]'' And do the rest of these rides make fools out of robots too?
:'''Brad''': What are you talking about?
:'''Jenny''': I'm talking about hydrolic surges forced into your hips to make them shake. Do you have any idea what that can do to a ball and socket joint?
:'''Brad''': Come on, Jenny. It's all in good fun!
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, fun for the ''humans''! How'd you like to sing some stupid song over and over all day long?
== Season 2 ==
===''A Robot For All Seasons/Pajama Party Prankapalooza'' [2.1] ===
:'''Jenny''': Where should we go first?
:'''Tuck''': Toys, toys, toys!
:'''Sheldon''': I hear the Gadget Shack is having a sale on widgets.
:'''Tuck''': Toys!
:'''Brad''': I could pick up a few more black sweater vests at Fashion Fair.
:'''Tuck''': Toys!
:'''Jenny''': I want to try out that new lilac scented motor oil.
:'''Tuck''': Toys!
:'''Jenny''': What about you, Tuck? Is there any particular store you'd like to visit first?
:'''Tuck''': Hmm. Well, I could use some new socks and underwear. Or we could go to... TOYS!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tuck''': ''[during the closing musical number]'' Hey! Who're you guys singing to? And how'd you memorize those lyrics with no practice? Guys? C'mon, snap out of it! You're creeping me out! Guys? Guys!
===''Future Shock / Humiliation 101'' [2.2] ===
:'''Jenny''': Looks like I'll have to settle for Brad again.
:'''Brad''': Settle? What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Jenny''': I just…I just meant-
:'''Brad''': Meant what? Brad's not datable? Brad's a loser? Brad couldn't get a date if he were rich, handsome and the last man on planet earth?
:'''Jenny''': I just meant we could go together if I couldn't find anyone else.
:'''Brad''': Don't you mean anyone better?
:'''Jenny''': No, I-
:'''Brad''': You must be pretty desperate.
:'''Jenny''': Look who's talking. I heard Kiki dumped you for Don Prima.
:'''Brad''': Hey, I dumped her!
:'''Jenny''': Was that before or after you got down on your knees and begged her to go to the movie with you?
:'''Tuck''': Juicy!
:'''Brad''': Well, at least I have options. Anyway, who says I'd settle for you? I already have a date.
:'''Jenny''': Oh, yeah?! Who?!
:'''Brad''': That's for me to know and you never to find out. That is unless you find a date, which I doubt! ''[leaves while laughing]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[yelling out the window]'' I DEMAND to know the name of your date!
:'''Brad''': Over my dead body!
:'''Jenny''': Don't give me any ideas! ''[slams the window door closed]''
===''Last Action Zero / Mind Over Matter'' [2.3] ===
:'''Crater Critters''': I guess you could say… that when it comes to… fighting earthlings… we rock!
:'''Jenny''': Aw, nuts!
:'''Crater Critter''': Since you ruined our favorite hotspot, it only seems fair that we get to eat your brain!
:'''Jenny''': Uh, you wouldn't like my brain! It's all circuity and metallic!
:'''Crater Critter''': Oh, good! We haven't been getting our recommended daily allowance of iron! ''[pulls out scalpel]'' Huh? It’s Skyway Patrol!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Nora''': ''[as Jenny downloads updates for herself from the internet]'' XJ-9, don't do that! You'll go blind!
===''Love 'Em or Leash 'Em / Teen Team Time'' [2.4] ===
===''Sister Sledgehammer/Pajama Party Prankapalooza'' [2.5] ===
===''Dancing With My Shell / Around the World in Eighty Pieces'' [2.6] ===
:''[after trying to dance with the SilverShell as he runs back into the gym again]''
:'''Jenny''': I've heard of playing hard to get, but hard to hang on to?!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brad''': ''[while escaping in the mini-jet from a flock of flying animals]'' What is this place?!
:'''Sheldon''': It's evolution gone mad!!
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:''[after discussing how to find Jenny's pieces]''
:'''Tuck''': Are you sure Dr. Wakeman will loan her mini-jet to a dwarf, two teens, and a disembodied head?
===''Armagedroid / Killgore'' [2.7] ===
:'''Jenny''': Come on, you overgrown bulldozer! I'll fight you down to my last weapon!
:'''Armagedroid''': So be it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': Villains. You're so predictable.
:'''Armagedroid''': What reason have you to smile?
:'''Jenny''': If you'd have paid attention, you'd have seen that last weapon was a protonic explosive device, set to self-destruct. My mom's just so darn smart. Enjoy the fireworks.
:''[Armagedroid blows up, sending his head into space]''
:'''Armagedroid''': I will liberate the Earth, even if I must destroy it to do so!
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:'''Jenny''': Wow, Killgore. How many people did you tell about this?
:'''Killgore''': Killgore has many adoring fans, that he shall destroy!!
=== ''A Pain In My Sidekick / Crash Pad Crash'' [2.8] ===
:'''Jenny''': Mom! You completely violated my privacy!
:'''Nora''': Privacy, schmivacy. There's science afoot. It's my latest invention: Sleepy-time Mist for insomniac babies. It's a lullaby in bottle without being addictive or causing diarrhea. ''[notices an oil can on the bed]'' Wait, what's this? Oil on the bed? And just look at the mess! It's like you're an animal or something. How many times must I tell you? It's an eyesore, a safety hazard, and against zoning regulations!
:'''Jenny''': ''[fueling her face up with red of irritation; cannot take it anymore]'' THAT'S ''IT!'' I can't take it anymore! You interfere with my phone calls, my eating habits, you bother me about everything! You probably read my diary.
:'''Nora''': You keep spelling "infatuation" wrong.
===''[[w:Escape from Cluster Prime|Escape from Cluster Prime]]'' [2.9] ===
:'''Nora''': You've destroyed the rocket, but did you disarm the war head?
:'''Jenny''': Did I what the what?
:'''Nora''': It's the part that goes BOOM!
:'''Jenny''': Oops...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Artist''': You destroyed my statue!
:'''Mayor''': You ruined my stage!
:'''Bike Salesman''': You wrecked my old timey bicycle!
:'''Brad''': Uh, no, that was me.
:'''Bike Salesman''': Oh, yeah. My mistake.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Sheldon''': ''[to Dr. Wakeman]'' A secret underground lair! This makes my garage workshop look like a workshop in a garage!
:'''Nora''': Where did you get that idea? A gumball machine?
:'''Sheldon''': I'll have you know gumball machines contain valuable information!
:'''Nora''': You are an amateur!
:'''Sheldon''': You are a Know-It-All!
:'''Nora''': Milbrat!
:'''Sheldon''': Birdnose!
:'''Nora''': How dare you?!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Sheldon''': If you don't have her, and you don't have her, that means she's really missing!
:'''Nora''': We'll find her.
:'''Sheldon''': She could be anywhere between here and Cluster Prime!
:'''Vexus''': Cluster Prime?! THAT'S why they won't stop calling me!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Brad and Tuck drop out of the sky]''
:'''Jenny''': Brad! Tuck!
:'''Tuck and Brad''': Jenny!
:''[Jenny and Brad hug while Tuck is in the middle]''
:'''Sheldon''': I didn't get a hug.
:''[they let go of each other but their arms are on each other's shoulders]''
:'''Jenny and Brad''': I'm so glad to see you.
:'''Jenny''': You crossed the galaxy just for me?
:'''Tuck''': Actually, we...
:''[Brad puts his hand over Tuck's mouth]''
:'''Brad''': Yes, yes, we did.
===''Victim of Fashion'' [2.10] ===
:'''Tiff''': ''[about Jenny's transformations]'' Now she has fashion growing out of her floppy drive? How're we supposed to compete with that?
:'''Brit''': Dont fret, Tiff. We've been the fashion divas of this school for too long.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sheldon''': ''[to Jenny]'' But removing your weapons system? Are you sure that's such a good idea?
:'''Brad''': Yeah, Jen. Sounds pretty risky.
:'''Jenny''': ''[very certain]'' I don't care!!! It's better to be fashionable than functional. I want a slim-down look that will make Brit and Tiff look like stuffed sausages. Take it out! Take it all out!
===''Designing Women / Robot Riot'' [2.11] ===
===''Bradventure / Mama Drama'' [2.12] ===
:'''Jenny''': ''[facing Brad]'' I don't know how you did it but you came to my rescue and the bravery was 100% Brad,YOU'RE MY HERO! ''[She and Brad hugged]''
=== ''Toying with Jenny / Teenage Mutant Ninja Troubles'' [2.13] ===
:'''Tuck''': Funny. I don't remember turning you on. In fact, I thought I left your batteries right…over…there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': Crikey! There are ''thousands'' of dolls all over Tremorton!
== Season 3 ==
===''Weapons of Mass Distraction/There's No Place Like Home School'' [3.1]===
===''No Harmony with Melody/Tuckered Out'' [3.2]===
:'''Jenny''': Brad, get away from her! She's up to something sinister!
:'''Brad''': What on earth are you talking about?!
:'''Jenny''': Everything she touches is destroyed. Bad stuff's been happening around her all day.
:'''Brad''': You've been following us? I think there's something wrong with you. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous because I'm spending time with her instead of you.
:'''Jenny''': Don't be absurd. I'm...just trying to look out for you. ''[as she points to Melody]'' She's evil! Just like her father!
:'''Melody Locus''': ''[upset, loudly]'' <big><big>'''NO, I'M NOT!'''</big></big> ''[shy, quietly]'' I mean...I am not.
:'''Brad''': Look, Jen. Melody would never hide anything from me, and she is most certainly not evil. Come on, Melody. ''[As he walks away with Melody see some logs rolling down and Melody is flying with Brad to take off]''
:'''Jenny''': She's a robot?
:'''Brad''': ''[to Melody]'' You're a robot? Jenny was right! You were hiding something from me!
:'''Melody Locus''': Please don't upset, Brad. The whole reason I ran away from my dad is because I want to live like a normal girl.
:'''Brad''': But you lie to me. How can I ever trust you now? ''[Melody kissed him]'' Duh, so she's mechanical.
:'''Jenny''': Oh no, you don't.
:'''Brad''': Jenny, have you lost your mind?!
:'''Jenny''': It's for your own good, Brad. You're too close to this to see the evil master plan at work.
:'''Melody Locus''': Brad!
:'''Jenny''': You'll be safe here while I'll take care of this. ''[flies off]''
:'''Melody Locus''': Now look, Jenny. I know what you're thinking. Please let me...''[as Jenny punches her]''
:'''Jenny''': No more tricks, Miss Locus. ''[She begin to fight]''
:'''Tuck''': Hey, what's going on?
:'''Brad''': You wouldn't understand, Tuck.
:'''Tuck''': Looks like Jenny's fighting your girlfriend Melody apparently a robot under predisposition that as the daughter of Dr. Locus, she must be evil while in fact it's all a thinly veiled streak of jealously over companionship.
:'''Brad''': Yeah, that's pretty much it.
:'''Tuck''': ''[laughing]'' They're fighting over you! ''[stops laughing]'' No, really. What's going on?
<hr width="50%">
:''[After the fight]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[to Melody]'' You're as evil as your father!
:'''Melody Locus''': ''[rage, to Jenny]'' I'm not evil! I'M A NORMAL GIRL! ''[as she explode with furiously rage and morph into her true form, coming out of her exo-skin and revealing herself to be a large, spiny, and terrifying insect-like robot armed with many weapons]'' <big><big>'''I...AM...NORMAAAAL!!!!!'''</big></big> ''[She attempts try to kill Jenny, everyone is terrified, but as soon she sees Brad, staring in petrified horror, she shifts back into her exo-skin, sadly]'' I...I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere! ''[cries, she flies away]''
:'''Jenny''': She had me dead to rights, she didn't destroy me.
:'''Brad''': ''[upset, to Jenny]'' Of course not! She's just a confused kid, a robot just like you who wanted to fit in.
:'''Jenny''': But what about all the disasters she caused?
:'''Brad''': What disasters?! ''[The car jumped attempts to smash Jenny and Brad, but suddenly Melody grab the car and put it back, she flies away again]'' Melody just saved our lives, Jen. Still think she's evil.
:'''Jenny''': Well, maybe I overreacted a little.
:'''Tuck''': Hey, wait a minute. Jen's got a point. If Melody wasn't tossing cars around like so much confetti. Who was?
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, not to mention all those other disasters...''[as Carol the Cockroach lift her]'' Carol the champion cockroach? ''[Carol throws her away]''
:'''Brad''': But why? ''[Carol kissed him]''
:'''Jenny''': Looks like Brad's been quite the chick magnet lately. I think she's was the jealous one.
:'''Tuck''': So let me get this straight. This little cockroach has been wreaking havoc all over the place, because she's gaga for Brad? ''[pause, laughing hilariously]''
:'''Brad''': Look, Carol. If I learned anything today it's that, I might not be ready for a serious romance. Besides, it would never work. You've got your career to think about. You understand, right? ''[Carol inhale and exhales and she hugged him and she hopping off]'' This has been the weirdest day in my life. Come on, guys. Let's go home.
:'''Tuck''': ''[Laughing, Brad grabbed his hand while he's walking]'' Oh, man. I'm never going to let you live this down. ''[still laughing]''
:'''Brad''': ''[lonely]'' So long, Mel. ''[walks off]''
:''[High up in the sky, Melody briefly flies by, staring down at Brad and emitting a glowing green heart-shaped spark of energy as a way of telling him she still loves him, before flying away as the episode ends]''
===''Stage Fright/Never Say Uncle'' [3.3]===
===''A Spoonful of Mayhem/Enclosure of Doom'' [3.4]===
===''Girl of Steal/Mist Oppurtunities'' [3.5]===
===''The Legion of Evil/The Price of Love'' [3.6]===
:'''Sheldon''': I don't know. That looks like something you'd pick up at a garage sale!
:'''Jenny''': Sheldon, that's a mean thing to say!
:'''Sheldon''': It's not an insult. You can find a lot of nice stuff at a garage sale!
:'''Jenny''': You're just upset because you've never given anyone something so nice!
===''Teen Idol/Good Old Sheldon'' [3.7]===
:'''Old Sheldon''': Jenny! ''[slowly walks towards Jenny and hits her on the head with his cane]'' You ruined my life! ''[falls on his back]''
:'''Jenny''': Who are you, and what are you talking about?
:'''Old Sheldon''': ''[sits up]'' I'm your old pal! Sheldon!
:'''Tuck''': Crazy old person.
:'''Brad''': Move away slowly.
:'''Old Sheldon''': I'm Sheldon, I tell ya! I just got me a few wrinkles since you abandoned me… ''[falls on his back again]'' 75 years ago!
:'''Brad''': That's crazy talk, pops.
:'''Jenny''': We just saw Sheldon yesterday.
:'''Tuck''': Yeah, hangin' out with those freaky Jenny worshiping aliens.
:'''Old Sheldon''': Those awful aliens. I remember it like it was yesterday.
:'''Tuck''': It ''was'' yesterday, you old--
:'''Old Sheldon''': ''[covers Tuck's mouth with his hand from talking]'' Hush, boy! I'm telling a story. When Jenny hurled those aliens into outer space… ''[Flashback to the previous episode's events; voice-over]'' I was onboard. I tried to get 'em to turn around, but there was a bit of a communication gap. Catching a ride back was impossible! I had to find work to survive. I couldn't keep up as a mechanic, couldn't master beauty salon work, and couldn't stomach the fast food industry.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Jenny''': What's wrong? What happened to you out there?
:'''Old Sheldon''': ''[voice-over]'' After 35 years, I finally earned enough money for a transport back home. Then, disaster struck. Space pirates!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Nora''': This suit converts kinetic energy into electric power. Every move you make will help make Sheldon a little younger.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Brad''': So, was everything okay with Sheldon?
:'''Jenny''': Sheldon should be just fine.
:'''Sheldon''': ''[outraged]'' Jenny! How dare you let those pirates take me?! Who leaves a baby out in space with space pirates for 15 years?!
:'''Jenny''': It was the only way to get you back to the correct age. Now, I'm glad everything's back to normal.
:'''Sheldon''': Normal?! I've just spent 90 years of my life in outer space! And you call that normal?! I will ''never'' forgive you!
===''Infectious Personality/Trash Talk'' [3.8]===
:'''Tuck''': Oh, you rolled doubles? We're using a spinner!
:'''Brad''': ''[as Jenny rolls her eyes, getting tired of their argument]'' This, from a guy who moves this thimble to the bonus square when I'm not looking.
:'''Tuck''': If you're not looking, how would you know?
:'''Jenny''': ''[having enough]'' Time-out, guys. ''[breaks them up]'' Time-out! It's just a game. It's not worth fighting over.
===''Agent 00' Sheldon/Indes-Tuck-tible'' [3.9]===
===''Puppet Bride/Historionics'' [3.10]===
===''Ball and Chain/Labor Day'' [3.11]===
===''Voyage to the Planet of the Bikers/Queen Bee'' [3.12]===
===''Samurai Vac/Turncoats'' [3.13]===
:'''Jenny''': What the heck was that all about?
:'''Nora''': XJs 1 and 2 are malfunctioning.
:'''Jenny''': I'll say, but why?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': Give it up, XJ-4!
:'''XJ-4''': Don't get in the way, XJ-9, or I'll put you through the wringer!
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-4''': ''[after Jenny punches her, sending her into a closet of Nora's shoes; groans]'' Once I finish sorting all these shoes, YOU'RE DONE FOR!
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-6''': Well, if it isn't Mommy's favorite!
:'''Jenny''': Alright, XJ-6, who's controlling you?!
:'''XJ-6''': Oh, what do you ought to know?! So you can step in and save the day! It's always XJ-9, the big hero. What about the rest of us, chop litter?!
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-7''': ''[after self-destructing herself]'' Oh, I'm such a loser. I can't even self-destruct right.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Nora''': ''[last lines of the series]'' Jenny, did you forget to feed the tiger?
==Cast==
* Jenny Wakeman (voiced by {{w|Janice Kawaye}})
* Nora Wakeman (voiced by {{w|Candi Milo}})
* Brad Carbunkle (voiced by {{w|Chad Doreck}})
* Tuck Carbunkle (voiced by {{w|Owen Mason}})
* Sheldon Lee (voiced by {{w|Quinton Flynn}})
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title | id=0318233 | title=My Life as a Teenage Robot}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about robots]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Superheroine TV shows]]
[[Category:My Life as a Teenage Robot]]
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'''''[[w:My Life as a Teenage Robot|My Life as a Teenage Robot]]''''', otherwise referred to as '''''A Teenage Robot''''' or '''''Teenage Robot''''' for short, is an animated TV show on Nickelodeon about the misadventures of a powerful adolescent [[w:robot|robot]] girl named "Jenny", who has to shift between her responsibilities protecting her home town from danger and trying to live a normal human life.
== Season 1 ==
===''It Came from Next Door/Pest Control'' [1.1]===
:'''Brad:''' Hi, Jenny, my name's Brad– Whoa, a real life robot!
:'''Jenny:''' A real life teenager!
:'''Both:''' ''[in unison]'' Whoa! Look at that, and those, and the hair. ''[laughs]''
:'''Brad:''' So, you're like a super hero who goes around the world having death-defying adventures and defeating dastardly villains?
:'''Jenny:''' Mm-hmm.
:'''Brad:''' Sweet!
:'''Jenny:''' And you're a teenager who goes to high school and meet tons of other kids and hangs out with them?
:'''Brad:''' Of course.
:'''Jenny:''' Cool! ''[She turns to a grumpy-looking Spanish female teenager, who is Andy]'' Hi, Andy, wanna come join us for fun?
:'''Mikey:''' Yeah, and you haven't spoke to my daughter yet! She's a ''real'' robot now. ''[laughs]''
:
:'''Andy:''' ''[She starts gritting her teeth, angrily throws her rag doll into the garbage can, and progressively starts shouting in rage] '''WHO ARE THE WAKEMANS?!!!'''''
:
===''Raggedy Android/Class Action'' [1.2]===
:'''Jenny:''' You never let me do ANYTHING I WANT! WORK! WORK! WORK! I NEVER GET TO HAVE ANY FUN! If you don't let me go, I'll... I'll...
:'''Nora''': Don't you raise your lasers to me, young lady!
===''Attack of the 5 1/2 Ft. Geek/Doom with a View'' [1.3]===
:''[Sheldon is being thrown across the room by a bunch of bullies]''
:'''Jenny:''' Excuse me, I need to speak with the young man you're terrorizing.
===''Ear No Evil/Unlicensed Flying Object'' [1.4]===
:'''Nora''': Earrings? I designed a "state of the art", crime-fighting robot, not some simple mannequin to hang with googols and gimcrackery!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': It's got to be around here somewhere.
:'''Brad''': ''[tagging along while flying the jet pack]'' How about that gas station?
:'''Jenny''': No, that's a tra... ''[realizes]'' Huh?! Brad, what are you doing?
:'''Brad''': Duh. Trying out my new jet pack.
:'''Jenny''': I meant, what are you doing ''here?''
:'''Brad''': Helping you find the UFO.
:'''Jenny''': You can't do that. This is a very delicate intergalactic situation. Turn around and go home right now.
:'''Brad''': Your lips say, "go home," but your eyes say…
:'''Jenny''': Leave? Look, Brad, this could be dangerous, and I can't watch out for you.
:'''Brad''': You don't have to. I can take care of myself.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tuck''': ''[enters the UFO cockpit]'' Brad? ''[gasps upon seeing Brad fiddling around with the controls]'' Brad, what are you doing?! You're gonna blows us up or vaporize us or get us grounded! ''[Brad pulls a lever starting up the UFO as it starts rising off the ground]'' Or get us ''ungrounded.'' ''[Jenny hears the UFO rising, turns around, and sees it flying out the woods and into the sky]'' Get us down, get us down, get us down!
:'''Brad''': I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying! ''[The UFO screeches to a stop in midair]'' Did that stop it?
:'''Tuck''': No. ''[points to Jenny with her foot on it]'' ''That'' did.
:'''Jenny''': I thought I told you to stay put.
:'''Brad''': Well, we tried, but then you…
:'''Jenny''': Put the ship down.
:'''Brad''': That's what I...
:'''Jenny''': Down!
:'''Brad''': But...
:'''Jenny''': Now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': ''[walks to the driver's seat, getting Brad her attention]'' Brad. Brad? ''[shouts]'' BRAD!
:'''Brad''': ''[snapping back to reality]'' What? W-what's going on?
:'''Jenny''': You're done driving. ''That's'' what's going on.
:'''Brad''': ''[smacks her hand away]'' Hey, who put ''you'' in charge of me?
:'''Jenny''': ''[arguing in unison]'' You break into an alien spaceship after I told you to stay away from it, but that's not good enough for you.
:'''Brad''': ''[arguing in unison]'' You've been bossing me around all morning.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alien Karl''': ''[as he and his wife walk back to their UFO]'' Yeah, well, personally, I can't wait to get off this hick planet. Bunch of rip-off artists, these earthlings. $5 for a cup of coffee. No extraterrestrial discount at the hotel, and I know that bellboy stole my tricorder!
===''Party Machine/Speak No Evil'' [1.5]===
[[File:Hiragana A Character.png|thumb|XJ-9! You must slow down. Japanese is not my forte.]]
:'''Jenny''': Your little girl is growing up.
:'''Nora''': You're right, XJ-9. Well technically you're wrong because you're a robot and will remain a teenager forever, but metaphorically, you're absolutely right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': How is it, again, that you know the Minutians will land here?
:'''Nora''': They always land here. Why do you think I moved here?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brad''': You can't stay, Tuck.
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, adults only.
:''[Tuck starts sobbing]''
:'''Brad''': See? This is exactly why he can't be here.
:'''Tuck''': I could be an adult! I COULD BE AN ADULT!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tuck''': Hi, Jenny! How was Japan?
:'''Jenny''': ''[in Japanese]'' Good afternoon.
:'''Tuck''': "Konichiwa"? Cool! ''[He and his brother were given two gifts from Jenny]'' For us?
:'''Brad''': Aw, you didn't have to bring these.
:'''Jenny''': [in Japanese] Eh, no big.
:'''Tuck''': "So ne". Hahaha!
:'''Brad''': ''[laughs]'' I got to run to the mall. Hey, Jenny, you want to come?
:'''Jenny''': ''[in Japanese]'' Sure.
:'''Brad''': Huh?
:'''Jenny''': ''[in Japanese]'' What's wrong with you? Don't you hear me? I love going to the mall. [she is surprised] Why Japanese? Why am I only speaking Japanese? Why? AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
===''See No Evil/The Great Unwashed'' [1.6]===
[[File:Eye orbit anatomy anterior2.jpg|thumb|All the world’s eyewear will be mine and mine alone! And there’s nothing you can do to stop me!]]
:'''Jenny:''' ''[takes off her old eyes, sets them on her bed, and puts on the multi-functional bug-eyed eyes; through her POV, Nora is all digital style]'' Whoa, you're all blocky style.
:'''Nora:''' That's digital vision. Flip through the other settings.
:'''Jenny:''' ''[flipping through]'' Ultraviolet vision. Infrared vision. X-ray vision! Heat vision! Rainbow vision. Oh, pretty colors! Wow, I even have sausage vision. ''[flips back to normal setting]''
:'''Nora:''' So, what you think?
:'''Jenny:''' I think… ''[turns around, revealing the eyes are too big for her]'' I'll be the coolest-looking teenager ever!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny:''' Hey, Mom, which setting is number one?
:'''Nora:''' The number one? Normal.
:'''Jenny:''' That's funny. I thought you said, "normal."
:'''Nora:''' I did.
:'''Jenny:''' ''[looks at her reflection, then Nora, then everything, all completely normal; enraged]'' Normal? You call ''this'' normal?! How could you do this to me?!
:'''Nora:''' Do what? What are you talking about?
:'''Jenny:''' I'm talking about these wiggly-squiggly bug snakes you call eyes!
:'''Nora:''' XJ-9, you're not looking at the big picture.
:'''Jenny:''' And you're not looking at ''this'' picture. It's called, "I made my daughter a total dweeb."
:'''Nora:''' You don't look dweeb, I think you look very pa-hat.
:'''Jenny:''' It's pronounced "fat," mother, and giant periscopes in your head are not phat, dope, or even cool! I want my old eyes back.
:'''Nora:''' What? But these are ''far'' more efficient.
:'''Jenny:''' Who cares about efficiency?
:'''Nora:''' I do. And so should you, young lady. Now, stop being silly.
:'''Jenny:''' The only way to stop being silly is to ''lose'' these jokes. ''[takes off and ditches the bug-eyed eyes, leaving her sightless]''
:'''Nora:''' XJ-9, you cannot go sightless. You have a job to do.
:'''Jenny:''' Give me my old eyes back, and I'll do it.
:'''Nora:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Jenny:''' Fine! ''[starts walking off]'' I'll save the world without your stinking eye...''[trips over a hot dog cart, getting hot dog wieners in her eye holes]''
:'''Nora:''' If you can't even conquer a hot dog cart, how can you hope to conquer evil?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny:''' Now to shed a little light on the subject of the invisible man. ''[flips through the settings and and stops on the infrared setting]'' Hey. You're not an invisible man. You're an invisible ''eyeball!''
===''The Return of the Raggedy Android/The Boy Who Cried Robot'' [1.7]===
===''Sibling Tsunami/I Was a Preschool Dropout'' [1.8]===
:''[Jenny returns home and enters the kitchen, finding a note Nora wrote and left on the fridge]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[reading]'' '''"Gone to town for supplies. Please move quantum gigulator to the basement. Love, Mom. P.S.: I left some motor oil out in case you get thirsty."''' ''[sadly]'' Cheers. ''[drinks some oil and walks down to the basement, carrying the quantum gigulator, and sets it down; notices a door]'' A door? I never noticed that before.
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-7''': I guess no one's going to introduce me. ''[slumps onto the ground; moping]'' I'm worthless.
:'''XJ-5''': You're not worthless, XJ-7. Why, melted down, you'd easily fetch $20 at the recycling plant.
===''Hostile Makeover/Grid Iron Glory'' [1.09]===
:'''Jenny''': ''[to Brad; annoyed]'' Well, Brad, thanks for making me look like a complete… ''[voice deepens]'' fool.
:'''Brad''': Whoa!
:'''Jenny''': ''[covers her mouth]'' Oh, no! Now my voice vocoder is malfunctioning too! ''[the baby laughs at her; quickly dashes out of the restaurant and hides in an alley, wearing a paper bag over her head]'' Great. I'll have to wear this bag on my head forever, and it smells like fish tacos.
:'''Brad''': Everyone goes through this, Jen. It's completely natural.
:''[The Cluster nanobot changes Jenny's mood to happiness by hacking into her mood-o-tron]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[lightens up]'' You're right. It's not so bad. Hey, maybe this bag thing will become a new fad: Fish taco bag heads!
:'''Brad''': That's the spirit.
:''[The Cluster nanobot changes her mood again to anger]''
:'''Jenny''': This is all your fault. ''[savagely tackles Brad up against the wall]'' You and your lousy cover-up!
:'''Brad''': ''[singing]'' Someone's having mood swings.
:''[The Cluster nanobot changes her mood again to sadness]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[tearing up while grieving]'' I'm sorry, sweet Brad! Please forgive me!
:'''Brad''': Don't sweat it, Jen. Hey, I bet you've already started to clear up.
:'''Jenny''': Really? You think so?
:'''Brad''': Sure.
:'''Jenny''': ''[takes the paper bag off her head]'' How do I look?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brad''': ''[gets hit by his football helmet, then trips over it]'' I guess I didn't make the cut?
:'''Coach''': Did you black out?
:'''Brad''': No.
:'''Coach''': Great. You're on the team.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The cheerleader that Jenny accidentally tossed into the sky finally lands]''
:'''Cheerleader''': What did I miss?
===''Dressed To Kill/Shell Game'' [1.10]===
:'''Tiff''': Whatever. You better find some inspiration and fast or we're gonna take our business elsewhere.
===''Daydream Believer/This Time with Feeling'' [1.11]===
:'''Jenny''': ''[gushing]'' Oh my gosh, and then I enjoyed a glass of juice for the first time - orange juice! It tasted like apple! Then Don and I sat in a hot tub, and I didn't electrocute him!
:'''Brad''': You know, Jenn, dreams are more fun to have than to hear about.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': I can turn my dream off anytime I want to. I'm in total control.
:'''Brad''': Is that why you've been jumping on desks and riding drinking fountains?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': ''[giggling]'' That tickles. ''[giggles more]''
:'''Brad''': Yeah, they are a little primitive, you'll probably feel better without 'em.
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, you're right. [raises her arm up showing the last of her nerve ending, she touches it; and she laughs]
===''Saved by the Shell/Tradeshow Showdown'' [1.12]===
:'''Don''': What’s your malfunction, lugnuts? If it’s that robot chick you’re after, you can have her! She’s nothing special.
:'''Silver Shell''': You take that back! Take it back!
:'''Don''': What’s the matter, loser? Did I strike a nerve?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': ''[notices the giant fly again]'' You again? You’ve bugged me for the last time! ''[activates into a bug zapper as the fly touches it, shocking him and instantly killing him]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Nora''': XJ-9? XJ-9. XJ-9!
:'''Jenny''': ''[taking off her headphones]'' Mother, please don't call me that in front of the other robots! It's so embarrassing.
:'''Nora''': But I…
:'''Jenny''': Can't you call me Jenny, just for today?!
:'''Nora''': Yes, but I…
:'''Jenny''': Now, just leave me be until we get to the convention.
:'''Nora''': We are (already) ''at'' the convention.
:'''Jenny''': Thanks, Mom! ''[gets out of the car and dashes off]'' See you later!
:'''Nora''': XJ-9, wait!
===''The Wonderful World of Wizzly/Call Hating'' [1.13]===
:'''Jenny''': You humans should be ashamed of yourselves. Tormenting harmless robots this way. Be free, little woodland robots.
:'''Raccoon Robot''': Where are we supposed to go?
:'''Jenny''': ''[darkly]'' I said…'''''be free.'''''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[after all the park robots have go wild]''
:'''Tuck''': Well, this is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Jennifer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': That was horrible!
:'''Brad''': Okay, the waterfall was pretty weak. Just consider it a warm up for what's to come.
:'''Jenny''': A warm up?
:'''Brad''': Sure, ya gotta start somewhere.
:'''Tuck''': And the rest of the rides only get better.
:'''Jenny''': ''[upset]'' And do the rest of these rides make fools out of robots too?
:'''Brad''': What are you talking about?
:'''Jenny''': I'm talking about hydrolic surges forced into your hips to make them shake. Do you have any idea what that can do to a ball and socket joint?
:'''Brad''': Come on, Jenny. It's all in good fun!
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, fun for the ''humans''! How'd you like to sing some stupid song over and over all day long?
== Season 2 ==
===''A Robot For All Seasons/Pajama Party Prankapalooza'' [2.1] ===
:'''Jenny''': Where should we go first?
:'''Tuck''': Toys, toys, toys!
:'''Sheldon''': I hear the Gadget Shack is having a sale on widgets.
:'''Tuck''': Toys!
:'''Brad''': I could pick up a few more black sweater vests at Fashion Fair.
:'''Tuck''': Toys!
:'''Jenny''': I want to try out that new lilac scented motor oil.
:'''Tuck''': Toys!
:'''Jenny''': What about you, Tuck? Is there any particular store you'd like to visit first?
:'''Tuck''': Hmm. Well, I could use some new socks and underwear. Or we could go to... TOYS!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tuck''': ''[during the closing musical number]'' Hey! Who're you guys singing to? And how'd you memorize those lyrics with no practice? Guys? C'mon, snap out of it! You're creeping me out! Guys? Guys!
===''Future Shock / Humiliation 101'' [2.2] ===
:'''Jenny''': Looks like I'll have to settle for Brad again.
:'''Brad''': Settle? What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Jenny''': I just…I just meant-
:'''Brad''': Meant what? Brad's not datable? Brad's a loser? Brad couldn't get a date if he were rich, handsome and the last man on planet earth?
:'''Jenny''': I just meant we could go together if I couldn't find anyone else.
:'''Brad''': Don't you mean anyone better?
:'''Jenny''': No, I-
:'''Brad''': You must be pretty desperate.
:'''Jenny''': Look who's talking. I heard Kiki dumped you for Don Prima.
:'''Brad''': Hey, I dumped her!
:'''Jenny''': Was that before or after you got down on your knees and begged her to go to the movie with you?
:'''Tuck''': Juicy!
:'''Brad''': Well, at least I have options. Anyway, who says I'd settle for you? I already have a date.
:'''Jenny''': Oh, yeah?! Who?!
:'''Brad''': That's for me to know and you never to find out. That is unless you find a date, which I doubt! ''[leaves while laughing]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[yelling out the window]'' I DEMAND to know the name of your date!
:'''Brad''': Over my dead body!
:'''Jenny''': Don't give me any ideas! ''[slams the window door closed]''
===''Last Action Zero / Mind Over Matter'' [2.3] ===
:'''Crater Critters''': I guess you could say… that when it comes to… fighting earthlings… we rock!
:'''Jenny''': Aw, nuts!
:'''Crater Critter''': Since you ruined our favorite hotspot, it only seems fair that we get to eat your brain!
:'''Jenny''': Uh, you wouldn't like my brain! It's all circuity and metallic!
:'''Crater Critter''': Oh, good! We haven't been getting our recommended daily allowance of iron! ''[pulls out scalpel]'' Huh? It’s Skyway Patrol!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Nora''': ''[as Jenny downloads updates for herself from the internet]'' XJ-9, don't do that! You'll go blind!
===''Love 'Em or Leash 'Em / Teen Team Time'' [2.4] ===
===''Sister Sledgehammer/Pajama Party Prankapalooza'' [2.5] ===
===''Dancing With My Shell / Around the World in Eighty Pieces'' [2.6] ===
:''[after trying to dance with the SilverShell as he runs back into the gym again]''
:'''Jenny''': I've heard of playing hard to get, but hard to hang on to?!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brad''': ''[while escaping in the mini-jet from a flock of flying animals]'' What is this place?!
:'''Sheldon''': It's evolution gone mad!!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[after discussing how to find Jenny's pieces]''
:'''Tuck''': Are you sure Dr. Wakeman will loan her mini-jet to a dwarf, two teens, and a disembodied head?
===''Armagedroid / Killgore'' [2.7] ===
:'''Jenny''': Come on, you overgrown bulldozer! I'll fight you down to my last weapon!
:'''Armagedroid''': So be it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': Villains. You're so predictable.
:'''Armagedroid''': What reason have you to smile?
:'''Jenny''': If you'd have paid attention, you'd have seen that last weapon was a protonic explosive device, set to self-destruct. My mom's just so darn smart. Enjoy the fireworks.
:''[Armagedroid blows up, sending his head into space]''
:'''Armagedroid''': I will liberate the Earth, even if I must destroy it to do so!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': Wow, Killgore. How many people did you tell about this?
:'''Killgore''': Killgore has many adoring fans, that he shall destroy!!
=== ''A Pain In My Sidekick / Crash Pad Crash'' [2.8] ===
:'''Jenny''': Mom! You completely violated my privacy!
:'''Nora''': Privacy, schmivacy. There's science afoot. It's my latest invention: Sleepy-time Mist for insomniac babies. It's a lullaby in bottle without being addictive or causing diarrhea. ''[notices an oil can on the bed]'' Wait, what's this? Oil on the bed? And just look at the mess! It's like you're an animal or something. How many times must I tell you? It's an eyesore, a safety hazard, and against zoning regulations!
:'''Jenny''': ''[fueling her face up with red of irritation; cannot take it anymore]'' THAT'S ''IT!'' I can't take it anymore! You interfere with my phone calls, my eating habits, you bother me about everything! You probably read my diary.
:'''Nora''': You keep spelling "infatuation" wrong.
===''[[w:Escape from Cluster Prime|Escape from Cluster Prime]]'' [2.9] ===
:'''Nora''': You've destroyed the rocket, but did you disarm the war head?
:'''Jenny''': Did I what the what?
:'''Nora''': It's the part that goes BOOM!
:'''Jenny''': Oops...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Artist''': You destroyed my statue!
:'''Mayor''': You ruined my stage!
:'''Bike Salesman''': You wrecked my old timey bicycle!
:'''Brad''': Uh, no, that was me.
:'''Bike Salesman''': Oh, yeah. My mistake.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Sheldon''': ''[to Dr. Wakeman]'' A secret underground lair! This makes my garage workshop look like a workshop in a garage!
:'''Nora''': Where did you get that idea? A gumball machine?
:'''Sheldon''': I'll have you know gumball machines contain valuable information!
:'''Nora''': You are an amateur!
:'''Sheldon''': You are a Know-It-All!
:'''Nora''': Milbrat!
:'''Sheldon''': Birdnose!
:'''Nora''': How dare you?!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Sheldon''': If you don't have her, and you don't have her, that means she's really missing!
:'''Nora''': We'll find her.
:'''Sheldon''': She could be anywhere between here and Cluster Prime!
:'''Vexus''': Cluster Prime?! THAT'S why they won't stop calling me!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Brad and Tuck drop out of the sky]''
:'''Jenny''': Brad! Tuck!
:'''Tuck and Brad''': Jenny!
:''[Jenny and Brad hug while Tuck is in the middle]''
:'''Sheldon''': I didn't get a hug.
:''[they let go of each other but their arms are on each other's shoulders]''
:'''Jenny and Brad''': I'm so glad to see you.
:'''Jenny''': You crossed the galaxy just for me?
:'''Tuck''': Actually, we...
:''[Brad puts his hand over Tuck's mouth]''
:'''Brad''': Yes, yes, we did.
===''Victim of Fashion'' [2.10] ===
:'''Tiff''': ''[about Jenny's transformations]'' Now she has fashion growing out of her floppy drive? How're we supposed to compete with that?
:'''Brit''': Dont fret, Tiff. We've been the fashion divas of this school for too long.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sheldon''': ''[to Jenny]'' But removing your weapons system? Are you sure that's such a good idea?
:'''Brad''': Yeah, Jen. Sounds pretty risky.
:'''Jenny''': ''[very certain]'' I don't care!!! It's better to be fashionable than functional. I want a slim-down look that will make Brit and Tiff look like stuffed sausages. Take it out! Take it all out!
===''Designing Women / Robot Riot'' [2.11] ===
===''Bradventure / Mama Drama'' [2.12] ===
:'''Jenny''': ''[facing Brad]'' I don't know how you did it but you came to my rescue and the bravery was 100% Brad,YOU'RE MY HERO! ''[She and Brad hugged]''
=== ''Toying with Jenny / Teenage Mutant Ninja Troubles'' [2.13] ===
:'''Tuck''': Funny. I don't remember turning you on. In fact, I thought I left your batteries right…over…there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': Crikey! There are ''thousands'' of dolls all over Tremorton!
== Season 3 ==
===''Weapons of Mass Distraction/There's No Place Like Home School'' [3.1]===
===''No Harmony with Melody/Tuckered Out'' [3.2]===
:'''Jenny''': Brad, get away from her! She's up to something sinister!
:'''Brad''': What on earth are you talking about?!
:'''Jenny''': Everything she touches is destroyed. Bad stuff's been happening around her all day.
:'''Brad''': You've been following us? I think there's something wrong with you. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were jealous because I'm spending time with her instead of you.
:'''Jenny''': Don't be absurd. I'm...just trying to look out for you. ''[as she points to Melody]'' She's evil! Just like her father!
:'''Melody Locus''': ''[upset, loudly]'' <big><big>'''NO, I'M NOT!'''</big></big> ''[shy, quietly]'' I mean...I am not.
:'''Brad''': Look, Jen. Melody would never hide anything from me, and she is most certainly not evil. Come on, Melody. ''[As he walks away with Melody see some logs rolling down and Melody is flying with Brad to take off]''
:'''Jenny''': She's a robot?
:'''Brad''': ''[to Melody]'' You're a robot? Jenny was right! You were hiding something from me!
:'''Melody Locus''': Please don't upset, Brad. The whole reason I ran away from my dad is because I want to live like a normal girl.
:'''Brad''': But you lie to me. How can I ever trust you now? ''[Melody kissed him]'' Duh, so she's mechanical.
:'''Jenny''': Oh no, you don't.
:'''Brad''': Jenny, have you lost your mind?!
:'''Jenny''': It's for your own good, Brad. You're too close to this to see the evil master plan at work.
:'''Melody Locus''': Brad!
:'''Jenny''': You'll be safe here while I'll take care of this. ''[flies off]''
:'''Melody Locus''': Now look, Jenny. I know what you're thinking. Please let me...''[as Jenny punches her]''
:'''Jenny''': No more tricks, Miss Locus. ''[She begin to fight]''
:'''Tuck''': Hey, what's going on?
:'''Brad''': You wouldn't understand, Tuck.
:'''Tuck''': Looks like Jenny's fighting your girlfriend Melody apparently a robot under predisposition that as the daughter of Dr. Locus, she must be evil while in fact it's all a thinly veiled streak of jealously over companionship.
:'''Brad''': Yeah, that's pretty much it.
:'''Tuck''': ''[laughing]'' They're fighting over you! ''[stops laughing]'' No, really. What's going on?
<hr width="50%">
:''[After the fight]''
:'''Jenny''': ''[to Melody]'' You're as evil as your father!
:'''Melody Locus''': ''[rage, to Jenny]'' I'm not evil! I'M A NORMAL GIRL! ''[as she explode with furiously rage and morph into her true form, coming out of her exo-skin and revealing herself to be a large, spiny, and terrifying insect-like robot armed with many weapons]'' <big><big>'''I...AM...NORMAAAAL!!!!!'''</big></big> ''[She attempts try to kill Jenny, everyone is terrified, but as soon she sees Brad, staring in petrified horror, she shifts back into her exo-skin, sadly]'' I...I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere! ''[cries, she flies away]''
:'''Jenny''': She had me dead to rights, she didn't destroy me.
:'''Brad''': ''[upset, to Jenny]'' Of course not! She's just a confused kid, a robot just like you who wanted to fit in.
:'''Jenny''': But what about all the disasters she caused?
:'''Brad''': What disasters?! ''[The car jumped attempts to smash Jenny and Brad, but suddenly Melody grab the car and put it back, she flies away again]'' Melody just saved our lives, Jen. Still think she's evil.
:'''Jenny''': Well, maybe I overreacted a little.
:'''Tuck''': Hey, wait a minute. Jen's got a point. If Melody wasn't tossing cars around like so much confetti. Who was?
:'''Jenny''': Yeah, not to mention all those other disasters...''[as Carol the Cockroach lift her]'' Carol the champion cockroach? ''[Carol throws her away]''
:'''Brad''': But why? ''[Carol kissed him]''
:'''Jenny''': Looks like Brad's been quite the chick magnet lately. I think she's was the jealous one.
:'''Tuck''': So let me get this straight. This little cockroach has been wreaking havoc all over the place, because she's gaga for Brad? ''[pause, laughing hilariously]''
:'''Brad''': Look, Carol. If I learned anything today it's that, I might not be ready for a serious romance. Besides, it would never work. You've got your career to think about. You understand, right? ''[Carol inhale and exhales and she hugged him and she hopping off]'' This has been the weirdest day in my life. Come on, guys. Let's go home.
:'''Tuck''': ''[Laughing, Brad grabbed his hand while he's walking]'' Oh, man. I'm never going to let you live this down. ''[still laughing]''
:'''Brad''': ''[lonely]'' So long, Mel. ''[walks off]''
:''[High up in the sky, Melody briefly flies by, staring down at Brad and emitting a glowing green heart-shaped spark of energy as a way of telling him she still loves him, before flying away as the episode ends]''
===''Stage Fright/Never Say Uncle'' [3.3]===
===''A Spoonful of Mayhem/Enclosure of Doom'' [3.4]===
===''Girl of Steal/Mist Oppurtunities'' [3.5]===
===''The Legion of Evil/The Price of Love'' [3.6]===
:'''Sheldon''': I don't know. That looks like something you'd pick up at a garage sale!
:'''Jenny''': Sheldon, that's a mean thing to say!
:'''Sheldon''': It's not an insult. You can find a lot of nice stuff at a garage sale!
:'''Jenny''': You're just upset because you've never given anyone something so nice!
===''Teen Idol/Good Old Sheldon'' [3.7]===
:'''Old Sheldon''': Jenny! ''[slowly walks towards Jenny and hits her on the head with his cane]'' You ruined my life! ''[falls on his back]''
:'''Jenny''': Who are you, and what are you talking about?
:'''Old Sheldon''': ''[sits up]'' I'm your old pal! Sheldon!
:'''Tuck''': Crazy old person.
:'''Brad''': Move away slowly.
:'''Old Sheldon''': I'm Sheldon, I tell ya! I just got me a few wrinkles since you abandoned me… ''[falls on his back again]'' 75 years ago!
:'''Brad''': That's crazy talk, pops.
:'''Jenny''': We just saw Sheldon yesterday.
:'''Tuck''': Yeah, hangin' out with those freaky Jenny worshiping aliens.
:'''Old Sheldon''': Those awful aliens. I remember it like it was yesterday.
:'''Tuck''': It ''was'' yesterday, you old--
:'''Old Sheldon''': ''[covers Tuck's mouth with his hand from talking]'' Hush, boy! I'm telling a story. When Jenny hurled those aliens into outer space… ''[Flashback to the previous episode's events; voice-over]'' I was onboard. I tried to get 'em to turn around, but there was a bit of a communication gap. Catching a ride back was impossible! I had to find work to survive. I couldn't keep up as a mechanic, couldn't master beauty salon work, and couldn't stomach the fast food industry.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Jenny''': What's wrong? What happened to you out there?
:'''Old Sheldon''': ''[voice-over]'' After 35 years, I finally earned enough money for a transport back home. Then, disaster struck. Space pirates!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Nora''': This suit converts kinetic energy into electric power. Every move you make will help make Sheldon a little younger.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Brad''': So, was everything okay with Sheldon?
:'''Jenny''': Sheldon should be just fine.
:'''Sheldon''': ''[outraged]'' Jenny! How dare you let those pirates take me?! Who leaves a baby out in space with space pirates for 15 years?!
:'''Jenny''': It was the only way to get you back to the correct age. Now, I'm glad everything's back to normal.
:'''Sheldon''': Normal?! I've just spent 90 years of my life in outer space! And you call that normal?! I will ''never'' forgive you!
===''Infectious Personality/Trash Talk'' [3.8]===
:'''Tuck''': Oh, you rolled doubles? We're using a spinner!
:'''Brad''': ''[as Jenny rolls her eyes, getting tired of their argument]'' This, from a guy who moves this thimble to the bonus square when I'm not looking.
:'''Tuck''': If you're not looking, how would you know?
:'''Jenny''': ''[having enough]'' Time-out, guys. ''[breaks them up]'' Time-out! It's just a game. It's not worth fighting over.
===''Agent 00' Sheldon/Indes-Tuck-tible'' [3.9]===
===''Puppet Bride/Historionics'' [3.10]===
===''Ball and Chain/Labor Day'' [3.11]===
===''Voyage to the Planet of the Bikers/Queen Bee'' [3.12]===
===''Samurai Vac/Turncoats'' [3.13]===
:'''Jenny''': What the heck was that all about?
:'''Nora''': XJs 1 and 2 are malfunctioning.
:'''Jenny''': I'll say, but why?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jenny''': Give it up, XJ-4!
:'''XJ-4''': Don't get in the way, XJ-9, or I'll put you through the wringer!
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-4''': ''[after Jenny punches her, sending her into a closet of Nora's shoes; groans]'' Once I finish sorting all these shoes, YOU'RE DONE FOR!
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-6''': Well, if it isn't Mommy's favorite!
:'''Jenny''': Alright, XJ-6, who's controlling you?!
:'''XJ-6''': Oh, what do you ought to know?! So you can step in and save the day! It's always XJ-9, the big hero. What about the rest of us, chop litter?!
<hr width="50%">
:'''XJ-7''': ''[after self-destructing herself]'' Oh, I'm such a loser. I can't even self-destruct right.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Nora''': ''[last lines of the series]'' Jenny, did you forget to feed the tiger?
==Cast==
* Jenny Wakeman (voiced by {{w|Janice Kawaye}})
* Nora Wakeman (voiced by {{w|Candi Milo}})
* Brad Carbunkle (voiced by {{w|Chad Doreck}})
* Tuck Carbunkle (voiced by {{w|Owen Mason}})
* Sheldon Lee (voiced by {{w|Quinton Flynn}})
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title | id=0318233 | title=My Life as a Teenage Robot}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about robots]]
[[Category:Teen animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Superheroine TV shows]]
[[Category:My Life as a Teenage Robot]]
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Martin Gardner
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[[File:Martin Gardner.jpeg|thumb|right|[[Life]], viewed rationally and without illusion, appears to be a nonsense tale told by an idiot mathematician.]]
'''[[w:Martin Gardner|Martin Gardner]]''' ([[October 21]], [[1914]] – [[May 22]], [[2010]]) was an American recreational [[mathematician]], [[Magic|magician]], skeptic, and author of the long-running "Mathematical Games" column in ''[[w:Scientific American|Scientific American]]'' from 1956 to 1981.
== Quotes ==
[[File:All 35 free hexominoes.svg|thumb|right|[[wikt:mathemagical|Mathematical]] mathematics combines the beauty of mathematical structure with the entertainment value of a trick. <!-- π -->]]
[[File:DNA double helix horizontal.png|thumb|right|For a moment the waves and particles dance in grotesque, inconceivably complex patterns capable of reflecting on their own absurdity.]]
[[File:Rainbow1.svg|thumb|right|In many cases a dull proof can be supplemented by a geometric analogue so simple and beautiful that the truth of a theorem is almost seen at a glance.]]
[[File:KurtzGardner.jpg|thumb|right|The men who radically altered history, the great scientists and mathematicians, are seldom mentioned, if at all.]]
[[File:Author Martin Gardner at a CSICOP Executive Council Meeting in 1979 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|I've never made a discovery myself, unless by accident.]]
<!-- [[File:CL0024+17.jpg|thumb|right|Ever since I was a boy, I've been fascinated by crazy science and such things as perpetual motion machines and logical paradoxes.]] -->
[[File:Stereographic projection in 3D.svg|thumb|right|There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry.]]
* A surprising proportion of mathematicians are accomplished musicians. Is it because music and mathematics share patterns that are beautiful?
** [http://www.doverpublications.com/mathsci/0516/d/ The Dover Math and Science Newsletter] May 16, 2011
* I can say this. I believe that the human mind, or even the mind of a cat, is more interesting in its complexity than an entire galaxy if it is devoid of life.
** ''[http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29688355 Martin Gardner, puzzle master extraordinaire]'' obituary by Colm Mulcahy, BBC News Magazine, October 21, 2014
* [[wikt:mathemagical|Mathematical]] mathematics combines the beauty of mathematical structure with the entertainment value of a trick.
** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=-kOFBQAAQBAJ&pg=PR11#v=onepage&q=%22Mathematical%20magic%20combines%22%23v%3Dsnippet&f=false Mathematics, Magic, and Mystery]'' (1956), p. ix
* The last level of metaphor in the [[Lewis Carroll|''Alice'' books]] is this: that life, viewed rationally and without illusion, appears to be a nonsense tale told by an idiot mathematician. At the heart of things science finds only a mad, never-ending quadrille of Mock Turtle Waves and Gryphon Particles. For a moment the waves and particles dance in grotesque, inconceivably complex patterns capable of reflecting on their own absurdity.
** Introduction to ''The Annotated Alice'' (1960) // ''The Annotated Alice. The Definitive Edition'' (1999), by Lewis Carroll (Author, Christ Church College, Oxford), John Tenniel (Illustrated by), Martin Gardner (Editor, Introduction and notes by), page viii
* There are, and always have been, destructive pseudo-scientific notions linked to race and religion; these are the most widespread and damaging. Hopefully, educated people can succeed in shedding light into these areas of prejudice and ignorance, for as [[Voltaire]] once said: "Men will commit atrocities as long as they believe absurdities."
** Bernard Sussman, "Exclusive Interview with Martin Gardner", ''Southwind'' (Miami-Dade Junior College), Vol. 3, No. 1 (Fall 1968)
* In many cases a dull proof can be supplemented by a geometric analogue so simple and beautiful that the truth of a theorem is almost seen at a glance.
** "Mathematical Games", in ''Scientific American'' (October 1973); also quoted in Roger B. Nelson, ''Proofs Without Words: Exercises in Visual Thinking'' (1993), "Introduction", p. v
* Biographical history, as taught in our public schools, is still largely a history of boneheads: ridiculous kings and queens, paranoid political leaders, compulsive voyagers, ignorant generals — the flotsam and jetsam of historical currents. The men who radically altered history, the great scientists and mathematicians, are seldom mentioned, if at all.
** From a [http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F40F13FC345E157493CBA9178ED85F428785F9# book review in ''The New York Times'' (9 May 1976)], also quoted in ''The American Mathematical Monthly'' (December 1994)
* I've never made a discovery myself, unless by accident. If you write glibly, you fool people. When I first met [[Isaac Asimov|Asimov]], I asked him if he was a professor at Boston University. He said no and … asked me where I got my Ph.D. I said I didn't have one and he looked startled. "You mean you're in the same racket I am," he said, "you just read books by the professors and rewrite them?" That's really what I do.
** Quoted in Sally Helgeson, "Every Day", ''Bookletter'', Vol. 3, No. 8 (6 December 1976), p. 8
* There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry.
** ''The Mathematical Magic Show'' (1978)
* Ever since I was a boy, I've been fascinated by crazy science and such things as perpetual motion machines and logical paradoxes. I've always enjoyed keeping up with those ideas. I suppose I didn't get into it seriously until I wrote my first book, ''Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science''. I was influenced by the Dianetics movement, now called Scientology, which was then promoted by [[John W. Campbell|John Campbell]] in ''Astounding Science Fiction''. I was astonished at how rapidly the thing had become a cult.
** "Interview: Martin Gardner" by Scot Morris in ''Omni'', Vol. 4, No. 4 (January 1982)
* As I have often said, electrons and gerbils don't cheat. People do.
** "Science: Why I Am Not A Paranormalist", in ''The Whys of a Philosophical Scrivener'' (1983)
* Ideologues of all persuasions think they know how the economy will respond to the Administration's strange mixture of [[w:Laffer curve|Lafferism]] and monetarism. Indeed, their self-confidence is so vast, and their ability to rationalize so crafty, that one cannot imagine a scenario for the next few years, that they would regard as falsifying their dogma. The failure of any prediction can always be blamed on quirky political decisions or unforeseen historical events.
** "The Laffer Curve", ''Knotted Doughnuts and other Mathematical Entertainments'' (1986)
* The greatest scandal of the century in American psychiatry … is the growing mania among thousands of inept therapists, family counselors, and social workers for arousing false memories of childhoood sexual abuse.
** [http://www.skepticfiles.org/false/mgfmsasc.htm Notes of a Fringe-Watcher, "The Tragedies of False Memories" ''Skeptical Inquirer'' (Fall 1994)]
* Although Lewis Carroll thought of ''The Hunting of the Snark'' as a nonsense ballad for children, it is hard to imagine—in fact one shudders to imagine—a child of today reading and enjoying it.
** ''The Annotated Snark'' (1962), Introduction, p. 15
* Debunking bad science should be constant obligation of the science community, even if it takes time away from serious research or seems to be a losing battle. One takes comfort from the fact there is no Gresham's laws in science. In the long run, good science drives out bad.
** ''The Night Is Large'' (1996), Introduction to Part III, [[Pseudoscience]] p. 171
* Bad science contributes to the steady dumbing down of our nation. Crude beliefs get transmitted to political leaders and the result is considerable damage to society. We see this happening now in the rapid rise of the religious right and how it has taken over large segments of the Republican Party.
** As quoted in Kendrick Frazier, [https://skepticalinquirer.org/1998/03/a_mind_at_play_an_interview_with_martin_gardner/ A Mind at Play: An Interview with Martin Gardner], Skeptical Inquirer (Mar/Apr 1998), 22, No. 2, 37.
=== ''[[w:Martin Gardner bibliography|Did Adam and Eve Have Navels?: Debunking Pseudoscience]]'' (2001) ===
:<small> All page numbers from the trade paperback edition published by W. W. Norton & Company, {{ISBN|0-393-32238-6}} </small>
* We know from polls how ignorant the general public is about [[science]]. Almost half of all adults in the United States now believe in [[astrology]] and in [[angels]] and [[demon]]s, and that we are being observed by aliens and [[Unidentified flying object|UFOs]] who frequently [[w:Alien abduction|abduct]] humans. More than half believe that [[evolution]] is an unverified a theory.<br>Science education in our nation, especially in lower grades, is getting worse, not better. Several states are constantly doing their best to force public schools to teach [[creationism]]. Greedy publishers, interested only in profit, turn out book after book on [[astrology]], ufology, the occult, dangerous programs to lose weight without exercising or cutting calories, and every known variety of dubious medicine.<br>The electronic media are equal offenders. Every year I hope the tide is about to turn, and that contributors to television, radio, and the Internet will become so appalled by the flood of fake science they keep flinging at the public that they will at least try to tone it down. Alas, every year the flood gets worse.
** Introduction (pp. 2-3)
* Suppose, however, there is not enough time for measures to be taken to prevent a collision, and earth is shattered by a giant [[w:Near-Earth object|NEO]] that will hurt us all into oblivion. What are the philosophical implications of such an event? This obviously is not a problem for [[Atheism|atheists]], [[Agnosticism|agnostics]], or [[Pantheism|pantheists]] because they are resigned to the fact that nature does not care a rap about preserving a species.<br>What about theists? I’m inclined to think that even to them a certain extinction of humanity would be acceptable. The Biblical Jehovah, remember, is said to have [[w:Genesis flood narrative|drowned every man, woman, baby, and their pets, except for Noah and his family]].<br>If God can allow an earthquake to kill thousands, or the [[w:Black Death|Black Death]] to wipe out half of Europe, surely she would have no scruples about allowing an [[w:asteroid|asteroid]] to bring human history to a flaming end.
** Chapter 3 “Near-Earth Objects: Monsters of Doom?” (p. 36)
* Let the Bible be the Bible! It’s not about [[w:science|science]]. It’s not accurate [[w:history|history]]. It is a grab bag of religious fantasies written by many authors. Some of its myths, like the [[w:Star of Bethlehem|Star of Bethlehem]], are very beautiful. Others are dull and ugly. Some express lofty ideals, such as the [[w:parables of Jesus|parables of Jesus]]. Others are morally disgusting.
** Chapter 4 “The Star of Bethlehem” (p. 45)
* The [[w:King James Version|King James Bible]] is a literary masterpiece best left unaltered. It is a classic to put on a shelf alongside the great fantasies of [[Homer]], [[Virgil]], [[Dante Alighieri|Dante]], [[John Milton|Milton]], and yes, even the [[Quran|Koran]].
** Chapter 4 “The Star of Bethlehem” (p. 45)
* For reasons that reflect popular ignorance of science, combined with a love of [[miracles]], [[w:Egg balancing|the notion that fresh eggs balance more easily on the first day of spring]] caught fire in the United States.
** Chapter 5 “The Great Egg-Balancing Mystery” (p. 53)
* Public infatuation with [[w:Alternative medicine|alternative medicines]] of all varieties shows no sign of abating. [[w:Acupuncture|Acupuncture]], [[w:homeopathy|homeopathy]], [[w:aromatherapy|aromatherapy]], [[w:Herbal medicine|herbal remedies]], [[w:chelation|chelation]], [[w:iridology|iridology]], [[w:therapeutic touch|therapeutic touch]], [[w:magnet therapy|magnet therapy]], [[w:Energy medicine|psychic healing]], and so on are gaining new converts every day. The tragedies occur, of course, when gullible sufferers rely solely on such remedies and avoid seeking mainstream help. It would be good if we had some statistical evidence about the frequency of deaths following reliance on pseudomedicines.
** Chapter 8 “[[w:Reflexology|Reflexology]]: To Stop a Toothache, Squeeze a Toe!” (p. 83)
* My attack on [[w:Sigmund Freud|Freud]] brought a raft of angry letters from dedicated Freudians. One reader assured me that Freudianism is “alive and well.” True, but alive and well only among a dwindling remnant of Freud acolytes, not among the majority of today’s psychiatrists or intellectuals.
** Chapter 10 “Freud’s Flawed Theory of Dreams” (p. 112)
* This confusion of the certainty of [[mathematics]] within a formal system and the uncertainty of its applications to the world is a common mistake often made by ignorant sociologists.
** Chapter 14 “[[w:Alan Sokal|Alan Sokal]]’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (p. 146)
* The deeper question that lies behind the above banalities is whether the rules of baseball are similar to or radically different from the rules of science. Clearly they are radically different. Like the rules of chess and bridge, the rules of baseball are made by humans. But the rules of science are not. They are discovered by observation, reasoning, and experiment. Newton didn’t invent his laws of gravity except in the obvious sense that he thought of them and wrote them down. Biologists didn’t “construct” the DNA helix; they observed it. The orbit of Mars is not a social construction. Einstein did not make up ''E=mc<sup>2</sup>'' the way game rules are made up. To see rules of science as similar to baseball rules, traffic rules, or fashions in dress is to make a false analogy that leads nowhere.
** Chapter 14 “Alan Sokal’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (pp. 147-148)
* But that [[w:science|science]] moves inexorably closer to finding objective truth can only be denied by peculiar philosophers, naive literary critics, and misguided social scientists. The fantastic success of science in explaining and predicting, above all in making incredible advances in technology, is proof that scientists are steadily learning more and more about how the universe behaves.
** Chapter 14 “Alan Sokal’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (p. 148)
* The curious notion that “[[truth]]” does not mean “correspondence with reality,” but nothing more than the successful passing of tests for truth, was dealt a death blow by [[w:Alfred Tarski|Alfred Tarski]]’s famous semantic definition of [[w:truth|truth]]: “snow is white” is true if and only if snow is white. The definition goes back to [[w:Aristotle|Aristotle]]. Most philosophers of the past, all scientists, and all ordinary people accept this definition of what they ''mean'' when they say some thing is true. It is denied only by a small minority of pragmatists who still buy [[w:John Dewey|John Dewey]]’s [[w:Knowing and the Known|obsolete epistemology]].
** Chapter 14 “Alan Sokal’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (p. 148)
* [[Carlos Castaneda]] died in Westwood, California, in 1998. “His only real sorcery,” writes [[w:Kathryn Lindskoog|Kathryn Lindskoog]] in her entertaining book ''Fakes, Frauds, and Other Malarkey'' (1993), “was turning the University of California into an ass.” The next time you come close to a crow, try calling out “Hello Carlos!” If you are high enough on [[w:peyote|peyote]], you might hear the bird answer.
** Chapter 16 “[[w:Carlos Castaneda|Carlos Castaneda]] and New Age Anthropology” (p. 169)
* Although [[w:David M. Jacobs|Jacobs]] has had no training in psychology, psychiatry, or [[w:hypnotherapy|hypnotherapy]], he uses [[w:hypnotism|hypnotism]] to induce his patients (now more than seven hundred) to develop strong memories of horrendous [[w:Alien abduction|abductions]] even though many patients had no such memories until hypnotized. Jacobs is convinced that five million Americans have been kidnapped at least once by aliens. One female patient, who worked in retail sales, had, according to Jacobs, one hundred abductions in one year, an average of one every three days!
** Chapter 21 “What's Going On at [[w:Temple University|Temple University]]?” (p. 226)
* To support his conviction that the Old Testament is accurate history, [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] worked out an elaborate chronology of earth’s history, drawing on astronomical data such as eclipses and star motions and legends such as that of [[w:Jason|Jason]] and [[w:Argonauts|the Argonauts]], which he took to be genuine events. With incredible ingenuity he tried to harmonize biblical history with secular histories of the ancient world. It is sad to envision the discoveries in mathematics and physics Newton might have made if his great intellect had not been diverted by such bizarre speculations.
** Chapter 22 “[[w:Isaac Newton|Isaac Newton]], Alchemist and Fundamentalist” (p. 242)
== Quotes about Gardner ==
* His "Mathematical Games" column in ''Scientific American'' is one of the few bridges over [[C. P. Snow]]'s famous "gulf of mutual incomprehension" that lies between technical and literary cultures.
** Dana Richards, "Martin Gardner: A 'Documentary' ", in ''The Mathematician and the Pied Puzzler: A collection in tribute to Martin Gardner'' (1999), ed. Elwyn Berlekamp and Tom Rodgers, p. 9
* He writes about various kinds of cranks with the conscious superiority of the scientist, and in most cases one can share his sense of the victory of reason. But after half a dozen chapters this non-stop superiority begins to irritate; you begin to wonder about the standards that make him so certain he is always right. He asserts that the scientist, unlike the crank, does his best to remain open-minded. So how can he be so sure that no sane person has ever seen a flying saucer, or used a dowsing rod to locate water? And that all the people he disagrees with are unbalanced fanatics? A colleague of the positivist philosopher [[Alfred Jules Ayer|A. J. Ayer]] once remarked wryly "I wish I was as certain of anything as he seems to be about everything". Martin Gardner produces the same feeling.
** [[Colin Wilson]], in ''The Quest For [[Wilhelm Reich]]'' (1981), p. 2
* Gardner is the single brightest beacon defending rationality and good science against the mysticism and anti-intellectualism that surround us.
** [[Stephen Jay Gould]] in ''[http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/24/us/24gardner.html Martin Gardner, Puzzler and Polymath, Dies at 95]'' The New York Times, May 23, 2010
* He was not a mathematician—he never even took a maths class after high school—yet Martin Gardner, who has died aged 95, was arguably the most influential and inspirational figure in mathematics in the second half of the last century.
** Alex Bellos in ''[https://www.theguardian.com/science/2010/may/27/martin-gardner-obituary Martin Gardner obituary]'' The Guardian, May 27, 2010
==See also==
* ''[[Relativity Simply Explained]]''
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
*[http://www.csicop.org/si/9803/gardner.html An Interview with Martin Gardner]
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[[Category:Magicians from the United States]]
[[Category:Deists]]
[[Category:Skeptics]]
[[Category:Literary critics]]
[[Category:Journalists from Oklahoma]]
[[Category:People from Tulsa]]
[[Category:University of Chicago alumni]]
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[[File:Martin Gardner.jpeg|thumb|right|[[Life]], viewed rationally and without illusion, appears to be a nonsense tale told by an idiot mathematician.]]
'''[[w:Martin Gardner|Martin Gardner]]''' ([[October 21]], [[1914]] – [[May 22]], [[2010]]) was an American recreational [[mathematician]], [[Magic|magician]], skeptic, and author of the long-running "Mathematical Games" column in ''[[w:Scientific American|Scientific American]]'' from 1956 to 1981.
== Quotes ==
[[File:All 35 free hexominoes.svg|thumb|right|[[wikt:mathemagical|Mathemagical]] mathematics combines the beauty of mathematical structure with the entertainment value of a trick. <!-- π -->]]
[[File:DNA double helix horizontal.png|thumb|right|For a moment the waves and particles dance in grotesque, inconceivably complex patterns capable of reflecting on their own absurdity.]]
[[File:Rainbow1.svg|thumb|right|In many cases a dull proof can be supplemented by a geometric analogue so simple and beautiful that the truth of a theorem is almost seen at a glance.]]
[[File:KurtzGardner.jpg|thumb|right|The men who radically altered history, the great scientists and mathematicians, are seldom mentioned, if at all.]]
[[File:Author Martin Gardner at a CSICOP Executive Council Meeting in 1979 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|I've never made a discovery myself, unless by accident.]]
<!-- [[File:CL0024+17.jpg|thumb|right|Ever since I was a boy, I've been fascinated by crazy science and such things as perpetual motion machines and logical paradoxes.]] -->
[[File:Stereographic projection in 3D.svg|thumb|right|There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry.]]
* A surprising proportion of mathematicians are accomplished musicians. Is it because music and mathematics share patterns that are beautiful?
** [http://www.doverpublications.com/mathsci/0516/d/ The Dover Math and Science Newsletter] May 16, 2011
* I can say this. I believe that the human mind, or even the mind of a cat, is more interesting in its complexity than an entire galaxy if it is devoid of life.
** ''[http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-29688355 Martin Gardner, puzzle master extraordinaire]'' obituary by Colm Mulcahy, BBC News Magazine, October 21, 2014
* [[wikt:mathemagical|Mathemagical]] mathematics combines the beauty of mathematical structure with the entertainment value of a trick.
** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=-kOFBQAAQBAJ&pg=PR11#v=onepage&q=%22Mathematical%20magic%20combines%22%23v%3Dsnippet&f=false Mathematics, Magic, and Mystery]'' (1956), p. ix
* The last level of metaphor in the [[Lewis Carroll|''Alice'' books]] is this: that life, viewed rationally and without illusion, appears to be a nonsense tale told by an idiot mathematician. At the heart of things science finds only a mad, never-ending quadrille of Mock Turtle Waves and Gryphon Particles. For a moment the waves and particles dance in grotesque, inconceivably complex patterns capable of reflecting on their own absurdity.
** Introduction to ''The Annotated Alice'' (1960) // ''The Annotated Alice. The Definitive Edition'' (1999), by Lewis Carroll (Author, Christ Church College, Oxford), John Tenniel (Illustrated by), Martin Gardner (Editor, Introduction and notes by), page viii
* There are, and always have been, destructive pseudo-scientific notions linked to race and religion; these are the most widespread and damaging. Hopefully, educated people can succeed in shedding light into these areas of prejudice and ignorance, for as [[Voltaire]] once said: "Men will commit atrocities as long as they believe absurdities."
** Bernard Sussman, "Exclusive Interview with Martin Gardner", ''Southwind'' (Miami-Dade Junior College), Vol. 3, No. 1 (Fall 1968)
* In many cases a dull proof can be supplemented by a geometric analogue so simple and beautiful that the truth of a theorem is almost seen at a glance.
** "Mathematical Games", in ''Scientific American'' (October 1973); also quoted in Roger B. Nelson, ''Proofs Without Words: Exercises in Visual Thinking'' (1993), "Introduction", p. v
* Biographical history, as taught in our public schools, is still largely a history of boneheads: ridiculous kings and queens, paranoid political leaders, compulsive voyagers, ignorant generals — the flotsam and jetsam of historical currents. The men who radically altered history, the great scientists and mathematicians, are seldom mentioned, if at all.
** From a [http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F40F13FC345E157493CBA9178ED85F428785F9# book review in ''The New York Times'' (9 May 1976)], also quoted in ''The American Mathematical Monthly'' (December 1994)
* I've never made a discovery myself, unless by accident. If you write glibly, you fool people. When I first met [[Isaac Asimov|Asimov]], I asked him if he was a professor at Boston University. He said no and … asked me where I got my Ph.D. I said I didn't have one and he looked startled. "You mean you're in the same racket I am," he said, "you just read books by the professors and rewrite them?" That's really what I do.
** Quoted in Sally Helgeson, "Every Day", ''Bookletter'', Vol. 3, No. 8 (6 December 1976), p. 8
* There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry.
** ''The Mathematical Magic Show'' (1978)
* Ever since I was a boy, I've been fascinated by crazy science and such things as perpetual motion machines and logical paradoxes. I've always enjoyed keeping up with those ideas. I suppose I didn't get into it seriously until I wrote my first book, ''Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science''. I was influenced by the Dianetics movement, now called Scientology, which was then promoted by [[John W. Campbell|John Campbell]] in ''Astounding Science Fiction''. I was astonished at how rapidly the thing had become a cult.
** "Interview: Martin Gardner" by Scot Morris in ''Omni'', Vol. 4, No. 4 (January 1982)
* As I have often said, electrons and gerbils don't cheat. People do.
** "Science: Why I Am Not A Paranormalist", in ''The Whys of a Philosophical Scrivener'' (1983)
* Ideologues of all persuasions think they know how the economy will respond to the Administration's strange mixture of [[w:Laffer curve|Lafferism]] and monetarism. Indeed, their self-confidence is so vast, and their ability to rationalize so crafty, that one cannot imagine a scenario for the next few years, that they would regard as falsifying their dogma. The failure of any prediction can always be blamed on quirky political decisions or unforeseen historical events.
** "The Laffer Curve", ''Knotted Doughnuts and other Mathematical Entertainments'' (1986)
* The greatest scandal of the century in American psychiatry … is the growing mania among thousands of inept therapists, family counselors, and social workers for arousing false memories of childhoood sexual abuse.
** [http://www.skepticfiles.org/false/mgfmsasc.htm Notes of a Fringe-Watcher, "The Tragedies of False Memories" ''Skeptical Inquirer'' (Fall 1994)]
* Although Lewis Carroll thought of ''The Hunting of the Snark'' as a nonsense ballad for children, it is hard to imagine—in fact one shudders to imagine—a child of today reading and enjoying it.
** ''The Annotated Snark'' (1962), Introduction, p. 15
* Debunking bad science should be constant obligation of the science community, even if it takes time away from serious research or seems to be a losing battle. One takes comfort from the fact there is no Gresham's laws in science. In the long run, good science drives out bad.
** ''The Night Is Large'' (1996), Introduction to Part III, [[Pseudoscience]] p. 171
* Bad science contributes to the steady dumbing down of our nation. Crude beliefs get transmitted to political leaders and the result is considerable damage to society. We see this happening now in the rapid rise of the religious right and how it has taken over large segments of the Republican Party.
** As quoted in Kendrick Frazier, [https://skepticalinquirer.org/1998/03/a_mind_at_play_an_interview_with_martin_gardner/ A Mind at Play: An Interview with Martin Gardner], Skeptical Inquirer (Mar/Apr 1998), 22, No. 2, 37.
=== ''[[w:Martin Gardner bibliography|Did Adam and Eve Have Navels?: Debunking Pseudoscience]]'' (2001) ===
:<small> All page numbers from the trade paperback edition published by W. W. Norton & Company, {{ISBN|0-393-32238-6}} </small>
* We know from polls how ignorant the general public is about [[science]]. Almost half of all adults in the United States now believe in [[astrology]] and in [[angels]] and [[demon]]s, and that we are being observed by aliens and [[Unidentified flying object|UFOs]] who frequently [[w:Alien abduction|abduct]] humans. More than half believe that [[evolution]] is an unverified a theory.<br>Science education in our nation, especially in lower grades, is getting worse, not better. Several states are constantly doing their best to force public schools to teach [[creationism]]. Greedy publishers, interested only in profit, turn out book after book on [[astrology]], ufology, the occult, dangerous programs to lose weight without exercising or cutting calories, and every known variety of dubious medicine.<br>The electronic media are equal offenders. Every year I hope the tide is about to turn, and that contributors to television, radio, and the Internet will become so appalled by the flood of fake science they keep flinging at the public that they will at least try to tone it down. Alas, every year the flood gets worse.
** Introduction (pp. 2-3)
* Suppose, however, there is not enough time for measures to be taken to prevent a collision, and earth is shattered by a giant [[w:Near-Earth object|NEO]] that will hurt us all into oblivion. What are the philosophical implications of such an event? This obviously is not a problem for [[Atheism|atheists]], [[Agnosticism|agnostics]], or [[Pantheism|pantheists]] because they are resigned to the fact that nature does not care a rap about preserving a species.<br>What about theists? I’m inclined to think that even to them a certain extinction of humanity would be acceptable. The Biblical Jehovah, remember, is said to have [[w:Genesis flood narrative|drowned every man, woman, baby, and their pets, except for Noah and his family]].<br>If God can allow an earthquake to kill thousands, or the [[w:Black Death|Black Death]] to wipe out half of Europe, surely she would have no scruples about allowing an [[w:asteroid|asteroid]] to bring human history to a flaming end.
** Chapter 3 “Near-Earth Objects: Monsters of Doom?” (p. 36)
* Let the Bible be the Bible! It’s not about [[w:science|science]]. It’s not accurate [[w:history|history]]. It is a grab bag of religious fantasies written by many authors. Some of its myths, like the [[w:Star of Bethlehem|Star of Bethlehem]], are very beautiful. Others are dull and ugly. Some express lofty ideals, such as the [[w:parables of Jesus|parables of Jesus]]. Others are morally disgusting.
** Chapter 4 “The Star of Bethlehem” (p. 45)
* The [[w:King James Version|King James Bible]] is a literary masterpiece best left unaltered. It is a classic to put on a shelf alongside the great fantasies of [[Homer]], [[Virgil]], [[Dante Alighieri|Dante]], [[John Milton|Milton]], and yes, even the [[Quran|Koran]].
** Chapter 4 “The Star of Bethlehem” (p. 45)
* For reasons that reflect popular ignorance of science, combined with a love of [[miracles]], [[w:Egg balancing|the notion that fresh eggs balance more easily on the first day of spring]] caught fire in the United States.
** Chapter 5 “The Great Egg-Balancing Mystery” (p. 53)
* Public infatuation with [[w:Alternative medicine|alternative medicines]] of all varieties shows no sign of abating. [[w:Acupuncture|Acupuncture]], [[w:homeopathy|homeopathy]], [[w:aromatherapy|aromatherapy]], [[w:Herbal medicine|herbal remedies]], [[w:chelation|chelation]], [[w:iridology|iridology]], [[w:therapeutic touch|therapeutic touch]], [[w:magnet therapy|magnet therapy]], [[w:Energy medicine|psychic healing]], and so on are gaining new converts every day. The tragedies occur, of course, when gullible sufferers rely solely on such remedies and avoid seeking mainstream help. It would be good if we had some statistical evidence about the frequency of deaths following reliance on pseudomedicines.
** Chapter 8 “[[w:Reflexology|Reflexology]]: To Stop a Toothache, Squeeze a Toe!” (p. 83)
* My attack on [[w:Sigmund Freud|Freud]] brought a raft of angry letters from dedicated Freudians. One reader assured me that Freudianism is “alive and well.” True, but alive and well only among a dwindling remnant of Freud acolytes, not among the majority of today’s psychiatrists or intellectuals.
** Chapter 10 “Freud’s Flawed Theory of Dreams” (p. 112)
* This confusion of the certainty of [[mathematics]] within a formal system and the uncertainty of its applications to the world is a common mistake often made by ignorant sociologists.
** Chapter 14 “[[w:Alan Sokal|Alan Sokal]]’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (p. 146)
* The deeper question that lies behind the above banalities is whether the rules of baseball are similar to or radically different from the rules of science. Clearly they are radically different. Like the rules of chess and bridge, the rules of baseball are made by humans. But the rules of science are not. They are discovered by observation, reasoning, and experiment. Newton didn’t invent his laws of gravity except in the obvious sense that he thought of them and wrote them down. Biologists didn’t “construct” the DNA helix; they observed it. The orbit of Mars is not a social construction. Einstein did not make up ''E=mc<sup>2</sup>'' the way game rules are made up. To see rules of science as similar to baseball rules, traffic rules, or fashions in dress is to make a false analogy that leads nowhere.
** Chapter 14 “Alan Sokal’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (pp. 147-148)
* But that [[w:science|science]] moves inexorably closer to finding objective truth can only be denied by peculiar philosophers, naive literary critics, and misguided social scientists. The fantastic success of science in explaining and predicting, above all in making incredible advances in technology, is proof that scientists are steadily learning more and more about how the universe behaves.
** Chapter 14 “Alan Sokal’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (p. 148)
* The curious notion that “[[truth]]” does not mean “correspondence with reality,” but nothing more than the successful passing of tests for truth, was dealt a death blow by [[w:Alfred Tarski|Alfred Tarski]]’s famous semantic definition of [[w:truth|truth]]: “snow is white” is true if and only if snow is white. The definition goes back to [[w:Aristotle|Aristotle]]. Most philosophers of the past, all scientists, and all ordinary people accept this definition of what they ''mean'' when they say some thing is true. It is denied only by a small minority of pragmatists who still buy [[w:John Dewey|John Dewey]]’s [[w:Knowing and the Known|obsolete epistemology]].
** Chapter 14 “Alan Sokal’s Hilarious [[w:Sokal affair|Hoax]]” (p. 148)
* [[Carlos Castaneda]] died in Westwood, California, in 1998. “His only real sorcery,” writes [[w:Kathryn Lindskoog|Kathryn Lindskoog]] in her entertaining book ''Fakes, Frauds, and Other Malarkey'' (1993), “was turning the University of California into an ass.” The next time you come close to a crow, try calling out “Hello Carlos!” If you are high enough on [[w:peyote|peyote]], you might hear the bird answer.
** Chapter 16 “[[w:Carlos Castaneda|Carlos Castaneda]] and New Age Anthropology” (p. 169)
* Although [[w:David M. Jacobs|Jacobs]] has had no training in psychology, psychiatry, or [[w:hypnotherapy|hypnotherapy]], he uses [[w:hypnotism|hypnotism]] to induce his patients (now more than seven hundred) to develop strong memories of horrendous [[w:Alien abduction|abductions]] even though many patients had no such memories until hypnotized. Jacobs is convinced that five million Americans have been kidnapped at least once by aliens. One female patient, who worked in retail sales, had, according to Jacobs, one hundred abductions in one year, an average of one every three days!
** Chapter 21 “What's Going On at [[w:Temple University|Temple University]]?” (p. 226)
* To support his conviction that the Old Testament is accurate history, [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] worked out an elaborate chronology of earth’s history, drawing on astronomical data such as eclipses and star motions and legends such as that of [[w:Jason|Jason]] and [[w:Argonauts|the Argonauts]], which he took to be genuine events. With incredible ingenuity he tried to harmonize biblical history with secular histories of the ancient world. It is sad to envision the discoveries in mathematics and physics Newton might have made if his great intellect had not been diverted by such bizarre speculations.
** Chapter 22 “[[w:Isaac Newton|Isaac Newton]], Alchemist and Fundamentalist” (p. 242)
== Quotes about Gardner ==
* His "Mathematical Games" column in ''Scientific American'' is one of the few bridges over [[C. P. Snow]]'s famous "gulf of mutual incomprehension" that lies between technical and literary cultures.
** Dana Richards, "Martin Gardner: A 'Documentary' ", in ''The Mathematician and the Pied Puzzler: A collection in tribute to Martin Gardner'' (1999), ed. Elwyn Berlekamp and Tom Rodgers, p. 9
* He writes about various kinds of cranks with the conscious superiority of the scientist, and in most cases one can share his sense of the victory of reason. But after half a dozen chapters this non-stop superiority begins to irritate; you begin to wonder about the standards that make him so certain he is always right. He asserts that the scientist, unlike the crank, does his best to remain open-minded. So how can he be so sure that no sane person has ever seen a flying saucer, or used a dowsing rod to locate water? And that all the people he disagrees with are unbalanced fanatics? A colleague of the positivist philosopher [[Alfred Jules Ayer|A. J. Ayer]] once remarked wryly "I wish I was as certain of anything as he seems to be about everything". Martin Gardner produces the same feeling.
** [[Colin Wilson]], in ''The Quest For [[Wilhelm Reich]]'' (1981), p. 2
* Gardner is the single brightest beacon defending rationality and good science against the mysticism and anti-intellectualism that surround us.
** [[Stephen Jay Gould]] in ''[http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/24/us/24gardner.html Martin Gardner, Puzzler and Polymath, Dies at 95]'' The New York Times, May 23, 2010
* He was not a mathematician—he never even took a maths class after high school—yet Martin Gardner, who has died aged 95, was arguably the most influential and inspirational figure in mathematics in the second half of the last century.
** Alex Bellos in ''[https://www.theguardian.com/science/2010/may/27/martin-gardner-obituary Martin Gardner obituary]'' The Guardian, May 27, 2010
==See also==
* ''[[Relativity Simply Explained]]''
== External links ==
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{Commonscat-inline}}
*[http://www.csicop.org/si/9803/gardner.html An Interview with Martin Gardner]
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[[Category:Magicians from the United States]]
[[Category:Deists]]
[[Category:Skeptics]]
[[Category:Literary critics]]
[[Category:Journalists from Oklahoma]]
[[Category:People from Tulsa]]
[[Category:University of Chicago alumni]]
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[[File:Chester Nimitz as CNO Trim.jpg|thumb|Our armament must be adequate to the [[needs]], but our [[faith]] is not primarily in these ddddff[[machines]] of defense but in [[ourselves]].]]
[[w:Admiral of the Fleet|Fleet Admiral]] '''[[w:Chester W. Nimitz|Chester William Nimitz]]''' ([[24 February]] [[1885]] – [[20 February]] [[1966]]) was a [[w:fleet admiral (United States)|fleet admiral]] of the [[w:United States Navy|United States Navy]]. He played a major role in the [[w:naval history of World War II|naval history of World War II]] as [[w:Commander in Chief|Commander in Chief]], [[w:United States Pacific Fleet|United States Pacific Fleet]] (CinCPac), for U.S. naval forces and Commander in Chief, [[w:Pacific Ocean Areas (command)|Pacific Ocean Areas]] (CinCPOA), for U.S. and Allied air, land, and sea forces during [[World War II]].
== <span lang="zxx" dir="ltr">Quotes</span> ==
[[File:Chester Nimitz as ensign.jpg |thumb|I wish to be in a position of sufficient prominence so that I will then be considered as one to be sent to [[sea]]...]]
[[File:Remember December 7th full.jpg|thumb|We've taken a whale of a wallop, but I have no doubt of the ultimate outcome.]]
[[Image:SBD-3 Dauntless bombers of VS-8 over the burning Japanese cruiser Mikuma on 6 June 1942.jpg|thumb|Through the [[skill]] and [[devotion]] to [[duty]] of their armed forces of all branches in the Midway area our citizens can now rejoice that a [[momentous]] [[victory]] is in the making.]]
[[File:Suribachi flag NYWTS edited.jpg|thumb|Among the Americans serving on Iwo island, uncommon [[valor]] was a common [[virtue]].]]
[[File:Nimitz wall.jpg|thumb| They fought together as brothers in arms; they died together and now they sleep side by side…]]
[[File:WorldWarIIVictoryMedal.jpg|thumbnail|We have a solemn [[obligation]] — the obligation to ensure that their [[sacrifice]] will help make this a better and safer [[world]] in which to live.]]
[[File:USS Nimitz (CVN-68).jpg|thumb|Sir [[Walter Raleigh]] declared in the early 17th century that "whoever commands the [[sea]], commands the trade; whosoever commands the trade of the world commands the riches of the world, and consequently the world itself." This [[principle]] is as true today as when uttered, and its effect will continue as long as [[ships]] traverse the seas.]]
[[File:Admiral Chester Nimitz signs as Supreme Allied Commander during formal surrender ceremonies on the USS Missouri.jpg|thumb|The [[atomic bomb]] played no decisive part, from a purely military standpoint, in the defeat of [[Japan]].]]
* '''We shall never forget that it was our submarines that held the lines against the enemy while our fleets replaced losses and repaired wounds.
** As quoted in ''Historic Ship Exhibits in the United States'' (1969), by United States Naval History Division, United States Navy, p. 24
* '''I felt that it was an unnecessary loss of civilian life...''' We had them beaten. They hadn't enough food, they couldn't do anything.
** On the use of the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, as quoted by his widow, who also stated that he had "always felt badly over the dropping of that bomb because he said we had Japan beaten already" in ''The Decision to Use the Atomic Bomb and the Architecture of an American Myth'' (1995) by Gar Alperovitz
* '''The enemy of our games was always Japan, and the courses were so thorough that after the start of World War II, nothing that happened in the Pacific was strange or unexpected.'''
** On his training for warfare in the Pacific at the Naval War college in 1922, as quoted at [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/macarthur/peopleevents/pandeAMEX90.html ''The American Experience'' (PBS)]
* '''The war with Japan had been enacted in the game rooms at the War College by so many people and in so many different ways that nothing that happened during the war was a surprise—absolutely nothing except the kamikaze tactics toward the end of the war. We had not visualized these.'''
**Writing the president of the US Naval War College shortly after World War II. Quoted by [http://www.navy.mil/navydata/people/secnav/winter/SECNAV_Remarks_NWC_Current_Strategy_Forum.pdf Donald C. Winter, Secretary of the Navy]]
* '''Hindsight is notably cleverer than foresight.'''
**Quoted in ''The Magnificent Mitscher'' by Theodore Taylor, p. 266
=== 1930s ===
* '''I do [[believe]] we are going to have a major [[war]], with [[Empire of Japan|Japan]] and [[Nazi Germany|Germany]], and that the war is going to start by a very serious surprise attack and defeat of U.S. armed forces, and that there is going to be a major revulsion on the part of the [[Politics|political]] power in [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]] against all those in command at sea, and they are going to be thrown out, though it won't be their fault necessarily. And I wish to be in a position of sufficient prominence so that I will then be considered as one to be sent to sea, because that appears to be the route.'''
** On his expectations of war, and that he would someday become the [[w:Chief of Naval Operations|Chief of Naval Operations]], in a conversation during the mid 1930s with his son, Chester W. Nimitz, Jr.; as quoted in ''Nimitz'' (1976) by E. B. Potter. <small> {{ISBN|0870214926 }} </small>
=== 1940 ===
* '''A [[Ships|ship]] is always referred to as "she" because it costs so much to keep her in paint and powder.
** Remarks to the Society of Sponsors, U.S. Navy, 13 February 1940
=== 1941 ===
* [[Navy|Naval]] fleets probably never again will fight in full force... No government today can afford to run the risk of staking its entire naval force on a single battle. Therefore, it is probable that in the future fighting will be done by special units. These will be organized according to the requirements of the tasks assigned to them. One mission might require only a few cruisers, a number of destroyers, an aircraft carrier and some submarines. Another might require a battleship or two.
** As quoted in ''Time'' magazine, Volume XXXVII (1941), p. 18
=== 1942 ===
*'''Well, you were only five miles, five degrees, and five minutes off.'''
**On the accuracy of [[w:Edwin Layton|Edwin Layton]]'s prediction of where Japanese forces would be prior to the [[w:Battle of Midway|Battle of Midway]], June 4, 1942. Quoted by [https://www.usni.org/magazines/proceedings/1976/july/admiral-nimitz-and-battle-midway the U.S. Naval Institute]
* '''Through the skill and devotion to duty of their armed forces of all branches in the Midway area our citizens can now rejoice that a momentous victory is in the making.''' <br>It was on a Sunday just six months ago that the [[Japan during World War II|Japanese]] made their peace‑time attack on our fleet and army activities on Oahu. At that time they created heavy damage, it is true, but their act aroused the grim determination of our citizenry to avenge such treachery, and it raised, not lowered, the morale of our fighting men. <br> '''[[Attack on Pearl Harbor|Pearl Harbor]] has now been partially avenged.''' Vengeance will not be complete until Japanese sea power has been reduced to impotence. We have made substantial progress in that direction. '''Perhaps we will be forgiven if we claim we are about midway to our objective!'''
** After the [[w:Battle of Midway|Battle of Midway]], [[w:U.S. Pacific Fleet|CINCPAC]] Communiqué No. 3, (6 June 1942)
=== 1944 ===
* '''Is the proposed operation likely to succeed? <br>What might be the consequences of failure? <br>Is it in the realm of practicability in terms of matériel and supplies?'''
** "Three favorite rules of thumb" Nimitz had printed on a card he kept on his desk, as quoted in ''LIFE'' magazine (10 July 1944) <!-- p. 84 -->
=== 1945 ===
* By their victory, the 3rd, 4th and 5th Marine Divisions and other units of the Fifth Amphibious Corps have made an accounting to their country which only history will be able to value fully. '''Among the Americans serving on Iwo island, uncommon valor was a common virtue.'''
** Statement after the [[w:Battle of Iwo Jima|Battle of Iwo Jima]] (c. March - May 1945); "UNCOMMON VALOR WAS A COMMON VIRTUE" has been inscribed on the [[w:USMC War Memorial|USMC War Memorial]].
* CEASE OFFENSIVE OPERATIONS AGAINST JAPANESE FORCES. CONTINUE SEARCH AND PATROLS. MAINTAIN DEFENSIVE AND INTERNAL SECURITY MEASURES AT HIGHEST LEVEL AND BEWARE OF TREACHERY OR LAST MOMENT ATTACKS BY ENEMY FORCES ON INDIVIDUALS.
** Message sent to all U.S. Navy forces following Japan's announcement of unconditional surrender, 14 August 1945. As quoted by Clay Blair Jr., ''Silent Victory: The U.S. Submarine War Against Japan, Volume 2'' (1975), Philadelphia & New York: J.B. Lippincott Company, p. 846
* '''On board all vessels at sea and in port, and at our many island bases in the Pacific, there is rejoicing and thanksgiving. The long and bitter struggle, which Japan started so treacherously on the [[w:Attack on Pearl Harbor|7th of December 1941]], is at an end.''' <br /> I take great pride in the American forces which have helped to win this victory. America can be proud of them. The officers and men of the [[United States Army]], [[United States Navy|Navy]], [[United States Marine Corps|Marine Corps]], [[w:United_States_Coast_Guard|Coast Guard]], and merchant marine who fought in the [[Pacific Ocean|Pacific]] have written heroic new chapters in this Nation's military history. I have infinite respect for their courage, resourcefulness, and devotion to duty. We also acknowledge the great contribution to this victory made by our valiant Allies. '''United we fought and united we prevail.''' <br /> The port of [[Tokyo]], which was first opened by [[w:Matthew_C._Perry|Commodore Perry]] in 1853, is now crowded with United States men-of-war. The process of bringing Japan into the family of civilized nations, which was interrupted when Japan launched her program of conquest, will soon begin again.
** Statement broadcast to the United States and the Pacific Fleet, after ceremonies in Tokyo Bay accepting the official surrender of Japan (2 September 1945)
* '''Today all freedom-loving peoples of the world rejoice in the victory and feel pride in the accomplishments of our combined forces. We also pay tribute to those who defended our freedom at the cost of their lives.''' <br /> On Guam is a military cemetery in a green valley not far from my headquarters. The ordered rows of white crosses stand as reminders of the heavy cost we have paid for victory. On these crosses are the names of American soldiers, sailors and marines — Culpepper, Tomaino, Sweeney, Bromberg, Depew, Melloy, Ponziani — names that are a cross-section of democracy. '''They fought together as brothers in arms; they died together and now they sleep side by side. To them we have a solemn obligation — the obligation to insure that their sacrifice will help to make this a better and safer world in which to live.'''<!-- To achieve this it will be necessary for the United Nations to enforce rigidly the peace terms that will be imposed upon Japan. It will also be necessary to maintain our national strength at a level which will discourage future acts of aggression aimed at the destruction of our way of life. <br /> --> … Now we turn to the great tasks of reconstruction and restoration. I am confident that we will be able to apply the same skill, resourcefulness, and keen thinking to these problems as were applied to the problems of winning the victory.
** Statement broadcast to the United States and the Pacific Fleet, after ceremonies in Tokyo Bay accepting the official surrender of Japan (2 September 1945); a portion of this is engraved on the [[w:National World War II Memorial|National World War II Memorial]] in Washington, D.C.
* The Japanese had, in fact, already sued for peace before the atomic age was announced to the world with the destruction of Hiroshima and before the Russian entry into war. ... '''The atomic bomb played no decisive part, from a purely military standpoint, in the defeat of Japan.'''
** Public statement quoted in ''The New York Times'' (6 October 1945) and in ''The Decision to Use the Atomic Bomb'' (1996) by Gar Alperovitz <!-- p. 329 -->
=== ''Employment of Naval Forces'' (1948) ===
:<small>[http://www.history.navy.mil/library/special/employ_naval_forces.htm Employment of Naval Forces : "Who Commands Sea — Commands Trade"], printed in monthly ''NEWSLETTER'' (March 1948)</small>
[[File:Sinking of japanese cruiser Mikuma 6 june 1942.jpg|thumb|Our [[present]] undisputed control of the [[sea]] was achieved primarily through the employment of naval air-sea forces in the destruction of [[Empire of Japan|Japanese]] and [[Nazi Germany|German]] sea power.]]
* '''Sir [[Walter Raleigh]] declared in the early 17th century that "whoever commands the sea, commands the trade; whosoever commands the trade of the world commands the riches of the world, and consequently the world itself." This principle is as true today as when uttered, and its effect will continue as long as ships traverse the seas.'''
* The United States possesses today control of the sea more absolute than was possessed by the [[British Empire|British]]. Our interest in this control is not riches and power as such. It is first the assurance of our [[national security]], and, second, the creation and perpetuation of that balance and stability among nations which will insure to each the right of self-determination under the framework of the [[United Nations|United Nations Organization]].
* '''Our present control of the sea is so absolute that it is sometimes taken for granted.'''
* '''Our present undisputed control of the sea was achieved primarily through the employment of naval air-sea forces in the destruction of Japanese and German sea power.''' It was consolidated by the subsequent reduction of these nations to their present impotence, in which the employment of naval air-sea forces against land objectives played a vital role. It can be perpetuated only through the maintenance of balanced naval forces of all categories adequate to our strategic needs (which include those of the non-totalitarian world), and which can flexibly adjust to new modes of air-sea warfare and which are alert to develop and employ new weapons and techniques as needed.
* '''The basic objectives and principles of war do not change. <br>The final objective in war is the destruction of the enemy's capacity and will to fight, and thereby force him to accept the imposition of the victor's will.''' This submission has been accomplished in the past by pressure in and from each of the elements of land and sea, and during [[World War I]] and II, in and from the air as well. The optimum of pressure is exerted through that absolute control obtained by actual physical occupation. This optimum is obtainable only on land where physical occupation can be consolidated and maintained.
* If we are to project our power against the vital areas of any enemy across the ocean before beachheads on enemy territory are captured, it must be by air-sea power; by aircraft launched from carriers; and by heavy surface ships and submarines projecting guided missiles and rockets. If present promise is developed by research, test and production, these three types of air-sea power operating in concert will be able within the next ten years critically to damage enemy vital areas many hundreds of miles inland. <br>Naval task forces including these types are capable of remaining at sea for months. This capability has raised to a high point the art of concentrating air power within effective range of enemy objectives.
* '''Naval forces are able, without resorting to diplomatic channels, to establish offshore anywhere in the world, air fields completely equipped with machine shops, ammunition dumps, tank farms, warehouses, together with quarters and all types of accommodations for personnel.''' Such task forces are virtually as complete as any air base ever established. They constitute the only air bases that can be made available near enemy territory without assault and conquest; and furthermore, they are mobile offensive bases, that can be employed with the unique attributes of secrecy and surprise — which attributes contribute equally to their defensive as well as offensive effectiveness.
=== 1949 ===
* '''When I assumed command of the Pacific Fleet in 31 December, 1941; our submarines were already operating against the enemy, the only units of the Fleet that could come to grips with the Japanese for months to come.''' <br> It was to the Submarine Force that I looked to carry the load until our great industrial activity could produce the weapons we so sorely needed to carry the war to the enemy. '''It is to the everlasting honor and glory of our submarine personnel that they never failed us in our days of peril.'''
** Foreword, in ''United States Submarine Operations in World War II.'' (1949) by Theodore Roscoe, p. v
=== 1950 ===
[[File:Fleet Admiral Chester W. Nimitz portrait.jpg|thumb|[[God]] grant me the [[courage]] not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.]]
* '''The U.S.'s major strength factor and weapon is its economy. If you cripple it, you cripple the military.'''
** As quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,812125,00.html "According to Plan" in ''TIME'' magazine (13 March 1950)]
* That is not to say that we can relax our readiness to defend ourselves. '''Our armament must be adequate to the needs, but our faith is not primarily in these machines of defense but in ourselves.'''
** Speech at the University of California, Berkeley (22 March 1950)
=== 1951 ===
* '''God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.'''
** Appended to a variant of the [[w:Serenity Prayer|Serenity Prayer]] in ''The Armed Forces Prayer Book'' (1951)
=== 1964 ===
* ''Once A Marine'' should become required reading for the young men of our country. It is a success story which highlights the fact that there is still room at the top for young men of courage, determination and the average educational advantages available to all our young people. General Vandegrift, perhaps more than any other Marine, added luster and glory to our elite Corps that had already won enviable battle honors during its long history of military achievement. His long and successful struggle to hold Guadalcanal against seemingly overwhelming odds will live long in military history. Many veterans of the Marine Corps and of the sister services who participated or were associated in the Guadalcanal episode of World War II will relive their experience in reading ''Once A Marine''. And this includes yours truly who, perforce, had to witness this struggle from afar.
** On the back of the dust jacket of ''Once A Marine: The Memoirs of General A.A. Vandegrift, U.S.M.C.'' (1964) by [[Alexander Vandegrift]]
== Quotes about Nimitz ==
:<small>Alphabetized by author or source</small>
[[File:Chester Nimitz as CNO.jpg|thumb| Nimitz was a [[leader]] who conquered any personal urge to drive, and achieved his ends more by persuasion and [[inspiration]] to men under his command. ~ Edwin Palmer Hoyt]]
[[File:2014.020.007 Award, Medal, Navy Cross (13997822835).jpg|thumb| Nimitz gave me the most careful look I ever experienced in my whole life. His stare jolted me like a shot of whiskey, his eyes penetrating and honest. When he reached out to shake my hand, I felt emboldened, ready to go back into battle and fight for him, anything to prove that I deserved this hallowed award. I experienced something I never thought possible: A leader had put the fight back in me. ~ Norman Jack "Dusty" Kleiss]]
[[File:Missouri-flyover.jpg|thumb|In World War II, Fleet Admiral Chester W. Nimitz commanded thousands of aircraft and millions of men, amounting to more military [[power]] than had been wielded by all the commanders in all previous [[wars]]. ~ E. B. Potter]]
[[File:80-G-302273 (26222660441).jpg|thumb|Upon Nimitz in the Pacific, Edwards, Cooke and Horne in Washington, Ingersoll in the Atlantic, Stark in London, Halsey, Spruance, Kinkaid, Hewitt, Ingram and many other flag officers at sea, King relied with confidence and was not disappointed. ~ [[Ernest King|Ernest J. King]] & Walter M. Whitehill]]
[[File:Fleet Admiral Leahy.tif|thumb|In the Pacific we gave our enemies a costly lesson in amphibious warfare, just as in Europe we, with our allies, demonstrated successful coalition warfare. The performance of all branches of the services in Europe under General Eisenhower, in the central and southern Pacific under Admiral Nimitz, and in the southwestern Pacific under General MacArthur brought glory to themselves and to their country. ~ [[William D. Leahy]]]]
[[File:Nimitz Bagley Emmons Fitch.jpg|thumb|It was true that Nimitz was not a cinematic naval hero in the mold of [[Horatio Nelson|Nelson]], Decatur or [[John Paul Jones|Jones]]. Like most American officers of his vintage, he had no experience of combat. He had never even seen a shot fired in anger. But the fleet did not need a show of blood and thunder after the beating it had suffered; there was plenty of the real stuff to go around. Nimitz was an executive, a strategist, and a leader. He was a gentleman of the old school. ~ Ian W. Toll]]
[[File:NH 97767 General Alexander A. Vandegrift, USMC (cropped).jpg|thumb|Admiral Nimitz was a very perceptive officer who recognized logic when he saw it. ~ [[Alexander Vandegrift]]]]
* FLEET ADMIRAL CHESTER WILLIAM NIMITZ, USN. Born Texas 1885. Annapolis Class of 1905. First Command, USS Panay, 1907. Commanded Atlantic Submarine Flotilla, 1912-1913; USS ''Chicago'', 1920-3. Promoted to Capt., 1927. Commanded USS's ''Rigel'', 1931; ''Augusta'', 1933. Attained flag rank, 1938. As Admiral, commanded Pacific Fleet, 1941; awarded DSM, and DSM by Congress, for services. In 1943, designated Commander-in-Chief, Pacific Fleet and Pacific Ocean Areas. On Dec. 19, 1944, achieved highest rank, Fleet Admiral. Signed for U.S. when Japan formally surrendered aboard USS ''Missouri'', Sept. 2, 1945. Awarded third DSM on Nimitz Day in Wash'n, Oct. 5, 1945. Designated Chief of Naval Operations, Nov. 1945.
** Biographical Notes on Nimitz in ''Battle Stations! Your Navy in Action'' (1946), p. 397
* In the wake of the Pearl Harbor disaster, [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|President Roosevelt]] made sweeping changes in the navy high command. When word of these changes reached the submarine force, there were cheers. The key people, it seemed, were all submariners. First, and most important, Roosevelt named Admiral [[Ernest King|Ernest Joseph King, Jr.,]] to the post of Commander in Chief, United States Fleet, and Chief of Naval Operations, replacing Admiral Stark. King had commanded the Submarine Base at New London and a division of S-boats and had played a key role in salvaging two sunken submarines in the 1920s, the ''S-51'' and the ''S-4''. Although King had never commanded a submarine, he wore the dolphin insignia plus his aviator's wings. Second, King appointed former submariner Chester Nimitz to replace Kimmel (and Pye) as Commander in Chief, Pacific Fleet. After his submarine service before and during World War I, Nimitz had established the Submarine Base at Pearl Harbor and then commanded a division of early fleet boats, including ''Barracuda'', ''Bass'', and ''Bonita''.
** Clay Blair, Jr., ''Silent Victory: The U.S. Submarine War Against Japan'', p. 125
* The major reason for the submarine failure of 1942 was not mechanical, physical, or psychological. It was, to put it simply, a failure of imagination on the highest levels by King, Edwards, Nimitz, Hart, Wilkes, Withers, English, Lockwood, Christie, and Fife. All these men failed to set up a broad, unified strategy for Pacific submarines aimed at a single specific goal: interdicting Japanese shipping services in the most efficient and telling manner. The lessons of the [[Germany|German]] U-boat campaigns against [[United Kingdom|Britain]] in World Wars I and II- the later in progress almost on Washington's doorstep- had apparently not yet sunk home. The military and maritime theories of Clausewicz and Mahan were ignored. The U.S. submarine force was divided and shunted about willy-nilly on missions for which it was not suited, while the bulk of Japanese shipping sailed unmolested in Empire waters and through the bottleneck in Luzon Strait.
** Clay Blair, Jr., ''Silent Victory: The U.S. Submarine War Against Japan'', p. 361-362
* Spruance received his written orders in the evening of 27 May, the night before he got underway. They comprised ten succinct pages. All operation orders in the early stages of the war were terse, reflecting the command philosophy of King, Nimitz, and the better admirals. That philosophy was to tell the subordinate commander what you wanted done, give him the necessary resources, provide as much information as you could about the enemy, and then let him alone so he could accomplish his mission. King would upbraid any commander for the sin of oversupervising his subordinates with complex, overly detailed directives. The intent was to encourage the on-scene commander to use his initiative and not to inhibit his freedom of action. Spruance's personal belief was that the commander responsible for accomplishing the mission should develop the necessary plans; the proper role of the next highest command echelon was to establish the objective and to ''suggest'' how the objective might be achieved.
** Thomas B. Buell, ''The Quiet Warrior: A Biography of Admiral Raymond A. Spruance'' (1987), p. 136
* Nimitz wore two hats: Commander in Chief, Pacific Fleet (CINCPAC), whereby he commanded all naval and Marine Corps units in the Pacific; and Commander in Chief, Pacific Ocean Areas (CINCPOA), a combined command which gave Nimitz authority over all American and Allied naval and military forces in the Pacific theater, except those in MacArthur's Southwest Pacific Area. The task with the highest priority for Nimitz in the summer of 1942 was the seizure of Guadalcanal in the Solomon Islands. Admiral King had insisted upon a "defensive-offensive" strategy in the Pacific in order to wrest the initiative from the Japanese, continually victorious in the Southwest Pacific and only recently checked in the Central Pacific by the Battle of Midway. Prodded by King, the JCS in the summer of 1942 directed Nimitz to seize Guadalcanal and adjacent Tulagi.
** Thomas B. Buell, ''The Quiet Warrior: A Biography of Admiral Raymond A. Spruance'' (1974), p. 151
* King's attitude was a paradox. He griped about too many people getting decorations, but he refused to establish a policy that would end the confusion. Nimitz was his voice of conscience, besieging King to approve the Purple Heart or to define different grades for the Legion of Merit. But it was futile. King did nothing. Nimitz tried to force the issue at their January 1944 meeting in [[San Francisco]] by demanding a formal board to standardize the awarding of decorations. All the services had different rules, argued Nimitz, and the Army Air Force was notably generous. If the services could not agree on a common policy, then the President should act. King stalled with a promise to study the problem. King's thinking began to change in June 1944. Just before King had left to watch the Normandy landings, Abby Dunlap had warned him that when the war was over the Army Air Force would get all the credit and the Navy would be forgotten. King thought she was too pessimistic. But when he next saw Abby and Betsy Matter following the invasion, he told Abby she had been right.
** Thomas B. Buell, ''Master of Sea Power: A Biography of Fleet Admiral Ernest J. King'' (1980), p. 382
* In the Pacific, too, the tide had turned - and even more swiftly than in [[Eastern Europe]]. At the battles of the Coral Sea and Midway (May and June 1942), Admiral Chester W. Nimitz's carriers first checked and then inflicted heavy casualties on the numerically superior Japanese fleet. As at Kursk, both sides suffered substantial losses, but the relative cost of the battle to the already over-stretched Axis power was far higher; the Japanese would never replace their four sunk carriers, whereas the Americans were still far from the peak of their shipbuilding capacity. The series of battles fought on and around the island of Guadalcanal in the Solomons between August 1942 and February 1943 exposed the vulnerability of Japanese ground forces once the Americans had established naval and air superiority. In May 1943 US forces destroyed the Japanese forces on the Aleutian island of Attu and forced them to abandon Kiska; by September Japanese strategy had degenerated into holding an 8,000-mile last line of defence which they were already losing the means of supplying.
** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p. 535
* On October 15 he read a message from Ghormley containing a cry of resignation: "My forces [are] totally inadequate to meet [the] situation. Nimitz had already exhausted the material assistance he could give Ghormley's command, but there was one other way he could influence events, and he discussed this subject with his staff on the night of October 15. Some of them noted Nimitz's normally sunny blue eyes now flashed an icy gray as he prepared to talk about what Hanson Baldwin identified as the single greatest obstacle to American success: leadership. Ghormley, said Nimitz, was an intelligent and capable officer, but he was he tough enough to face the coming crisis, and more important, could he inspire men to feats beyond their known capabilities? The staff answered unanimously: no.
** Richard B. Frank, ''Guadalcanal: The Definitive Account of the Landmark Battle'' (1990), p. 333
* This solved but half the problem, for who could replace Ghormley? Turner's name immediately resurfaced, but although he was a strong leader, the Marines were restive under Turner's government and there was the cloud of Savo Island over his head. Providentially just off the sick list was Vice Admiral [[William Frederick Halsey, Jr.|William F. Halsey]], a sailor known and admired throughout the Navy as a fighter, especially by the enlisted men. But the criteria for the job of COMSOPAC did not include personal popularity, and some senior officers suspected that Halsey's talents as a fighter and leader in close contact with the enemy would be mismatched to the role of theater commander. After some thought, Nimitz decided it must be Halsey and the next day requested King's approval. COMINCH's reply was a brutally short one word message: "Affirmative."
** Richard B. Frank, ''Guadalcanal: The Definitive Account of the Landmark Battle'' (1990), p. 333-334
* Once the decision to build up the Navy was taken, strong men of clear vision quickly rose to the top of the service hierarchy. Chief among these were Adm Ernest King and VAdm Chester Nimitz, men of such consummate skill that the ennui of the prewar years had virtually no impact upon their abilities and sensibilities as commanders or as men. Others slightly less senior were pulled forward by the enormous suction created by King's and Nimitz's rise to the top.
** Eric Hammell, ''Guadalcanal: Decision at Sea: The Naval Battle of Guadalcanal November 13-15, 1942'' (1988), p. 12
* '''The qualities of the Nimitz character were apparent in his face, in his career, and in his heritage; combined these factors made him precisely the man he was and placed him in this particular situation at this moment in history.''' ... He was not a cold man, or a bad tempered man — quite the contrary — to the world he presented a figure of almost total complacency; he seldom lost his temper or raised his voice. ... It could be said that [[w:Ernest King|King]] was a driver who knew how to lead; it could also be said that '''Nimitz was a leader who conquered any personal urge to drive, and achieved his ends more by persuasion and inspiration to men under his command.'''
** Edwin Palmer Hoyt in ''How They Won the War in the Pacific : Nimitz and His Admirals'' (2000), p. 28 - 29
* World War II gave King the opportunity of putting in practice another conviction. His earliest studies of the Napoleonic campaigns had indicated to him that the great weakness of the [[French Armed Forces|French military system]] of the period was that it required the detailed supervision of [[Napoleon]]. His belief that one must do the opposite, and train subordinates for independent action, had been confirmed and strengthened through his years of association with Admiral Mayo. During [[World War II]] King would jokingly maintain that he managed to keep well by "doing nothing that I can get anybody to do for me," but in all seriousness he could not have survived the four years of war without having made full use of the decentralization of authority into the hands of subordinate commanders, who were considered competent unless they proved themselves otherwise, and who were expected to think, decide, and act for themselves. Upon Nimitz in the Pacific, Edwards, Cooke and Horne in Washington, Ingersoll in the [[Atlantic Ocean|Atlantic]], Stark in [[London]], Halsey, Spruance, Kinkaid, Hewitt, Ingram and many other flag officers at sea, King relied with confidence and was not disappointed.
** [[Ernest King]] and Walter M. Whitehill, ''Fleet Admiral King: A Naval Record'' (1952), p. 645
* As I made my way to the flight deck, I felt bitter. But when I saw the white-clad rows of sailors standing rigidly at attention, the assemblage of gold-plated officers reviewing their notes near the podium, the camera crews intending to mark this moment for posterity, and the wreckage of the battleships USS ''Arizona'', ''Oklahoma'', and ''West Virginia'' sitting sadly in the background, my heart started to pound. I recognized the honor the nation intended to bestow upon me. The awards ceremony passed like a great whirlwind. At 1:45, the crew of ''Enterprise'' assembled on the flight deck to welcome aboard Admiral Chester W. Nimitz, commander in chief of the Pacific Fleet, who intended to hand out nine medals: five Navy Crosses and four Distinguished Flying Crosses. I had never met Nimitz before, so I wasn't sure what to expect. Months earlier, he arrived seemingly out of nowhere, handpicked by Roosevelt to whip our fleet into shape.
** Norman Jack "Dusty" Kleiss, ''Never Call Me A Hero: A Legendary American Dive-Bomber Pilot Remembers The Battle Of Midway'' (2017), p. 173
* Nimitz trooped down the line of officers, pinning medals to our chests and shaking our hands. The first four men in line received the Navy Cross. These included Captain George MUrray, captain of ''Enterprise''; LCDR William S. Veeder, a destroyer skipper; and two submarine commanders, Lieutenant Commanders William L. Anderson and Charles W. Wilkins. Next, Nimitz handed out Distinguished Flying Crosses to two members of Fighting Squadron Six, LCDR Clarence Wade McClusky and LTJG Roger W. Mehle. When Nimitz leaned in to pin on Mehle's medal, he whispered, "I think you'll have a chance to earn another medal in a couple of days." Mehle stood right next to me, so I just barely caught what Nimitz had said. I gave a sideways glance. What had the admiral just revealed? Earlier, I had noticed that all three of our carriers were in port, which suggested a big operation was about to happen. Now Nimitz had confirmed my suspicions with his teasing comment. I wanted to swivel my head and say, "What's this now?" but of course, I couldn't. Naturally, my nervousness skyrocketed.
** Norman Jack "Dusty" Kleiss, ''Never Call Me A Hero: A Legendary American Dive-Bomber Pilot Remembers The Battle Of Midway'' (2017), p. 174
* Next, Nimitz came to me. He read aloud my citation: "Lt. (j.g.) Norman Jack Kleiss: As a member of a scouting squadron, he participated in the attacks on Kwajalein and Maloelap atolls, Marshall Islands, on February 1, 1942. His initiative and determination in the execution of these missions, effected in the face of enemy fighter opposition and heavy antiarcraft fire, resulted in heavy losses to the enemy, and enabled him to score a direct hit on a light cruiser." Nimitz looked at me and said, "Well done!" I remember the moment well. He looked over me carefully, just like LCDR Smith and VADM Halsey had done, and watched my facial expression. I assumed he wanted to see if I was nervous. Maybe he could tell a pilot's personality and trustworthiness just by their facial expressions. I don't know how long that look really lasted, but it felt like forever. '''Nimitz gave me the most careful look I ever experienced in my whole life. His stare jolted me like a shot of whiskey, his eyes penetrating and honest. When he reached out to shake my hand, I felt emboldened, ready to go back into battle and fight for him, anything to prove that I deserved this hallowed award. I experienced something I never thought possible: A leader had put the fight back in me.'''
** Norman Jack "Dusty" Kleiss, ''Never Call Me A Hero: A Legendary American Dive-Bomber Pilot Remembers The Battle Of Midway'' (2017), p. 174-175
* '''In the Pacific we gave our enemies a costly lesson in amphibious warfare, just as in [[Europe]] we, with our allies, demonstrated successful coalition warfare. The performance of all branches of the services in Europe under [[Dwight D. Eisenhower|General Eisenhower]], in the central and southern Pacific under Admiral Nimitz, and in the southwestern Pacific under [[Douglas MacArthur|General MacArthur]] brought glory to themselves and to their country.'''
** [[William D. Leahy]], ''I Was There'' (1950), p. 439
* '''He brought to his new job a number of advantages, including experience, a detailed knowledge of his brother officers, and a sense of inner balance and calm that steadied those around him.''' He had the ability to pick able subordinates and the courage to let them do their jobs without interference. He molded such disparate personalities as the quiet, introspective [[w:Raymond A. Spruance|Raymond A. Spruance]] and the ebullient, aggressive [[w:William Halsey, Jr.|William F. Halsey, Jr.]] into an effective team.
** Robert William Love, on the rise of Nimitz to CINCPAC in ''The Chiefs of Naval Operations'' (1980), p. 184
* '''It was very clear that as difficult as his task was - to takeover the war on the Pacific, with the Pacific fleet on the bottom of Pearl Harbor - pretty much. He never lost sight of the fact that there were human beings on both sides of that war. He did his duty; he dealt very strong blows against the Imperial Japanese Navy and Army. but he never forget that there were human beings on both sides.'''
** General (ret.) [[James Mattis]] - [https://www.uctv.tv/shows/Reflections-with-General-James-Mattis-Conversations-with-History-28135 University of California Television] , 20 March 2014 (7:11)
* After King, Nimitz was our greatest naval strategist and leader, and, as Cincpac-CincPoa, he had, after King, the biggest responsibility. Nimitz engineered, as it were, the Battles of the Coral Sea and Midway; patiently but stubbornly he held out for the dual approach to Japan. He proposed the bold plan to go right into Kwajalein after securing the Gilberts, and he put it across, contrary to the advice of others. He made only two possible mistakes in the war- detaching Admiral Kinkaid prematurely from his South Pacific task force, and rejecting Halsey's proposal that Peleliu be bypassed. Nimitz probably inspired a greater personal loyalty than did any other admiral in the war. Every commanding officer, when his ship, no matter how small, put in at Pearl Harbor, was encouraged to call on Nimitz at the Cincpac-Cincpoa headquarters in Makalapa and express his views. Knowing that the finest test of a commanding officer is (in Churchill's words) "the quality of his effort," and that mistakes in battle are inevitable, Nimitz was slow to relieve any commanding officer who failed; he believed in the adage that every dog should be allowed two bites. It may be conceded that he allowed one bite too many to certain task force commanders before he relieved them; but it was fortunate for the cause that he allowed two bites to Kelly Turner, who turned out to be a practitioner of amphibious warfare second to none.
** [[Samuel Eliot Morison]], ''The Two-Ocean War: A Short History of the United States Navy in the Second World War'' (1963), p. 580-581
* "Tumb-bells take!" Assistant to "Matchew". Possesses that calm and steady going Dutch way that gets at the bottom of things. "Now see here." Delights in a rough house. One of the cave-dwellers but determined to be a fusser. Spent two hours at his first hop picking up beads. Conducted a Plebe kindergarten Second Class year. Mixer of famous punches. Still survives after two years of Stewart's rhino and comic opera.
** Description of Nimitz in ''Lucky Bag'' (1905), yearbook of the United States Naval Academy, p. 76
* On April 13, 1943, Allied radio intelligence intercepted a message carrying the travel itinerary of Admiral [[Isoroku Yamamoto|Yamamoto]]. The detail in the message listed flight and ground schedules and included what type of fighter escort would be provided. Major [http://www.usna63.org/tradition/history/Lasswell%20article.htm Red Lasswell] of [[w: Station HYPO|FRUPAC]] broke the coded message. The decision of what to do with the information was left to Admiral Nimitz. Nimitz consulted [[w:Edwin T. Layton|Layton]] as to what the ramifications would be if Yamamoto were removed. They considered that he might be replaced with a better commander, and Nimitz felt familiar with Yamamoto as his opponent. Layton felt nobody could adequately replace Yamamoto, and based on this opinion Nimitz gave Admiral [[w:William Halsey, Jr.|Halsey]] the authority to carry out the intercept of Yamamoto’s aircraft. On 18 April, a flight of P-38 fighters with specially selected pilots and equipped with long-range fuel tanks shot down Yamamoto’s aircraft, killing one of Japan’s top naval leaders.
** Ricky J. Nussio, in ''[[Forrest Sherman|Sherman]] and Nimitz: Executing Modern Information Operations'' (2001)
* '''He surrounded himself with the ablest men he could find and sought their advice, but he made his own decisions. He was a keen strategist who never forgot that he was dealing with human beings, on both sides of the conflict. He was aggressive in war without hate, audacious while never failing to weigh the risks.'''
** E.B. Potter, Naval historian at the US Naval Academy, quoted on the cover jacket of his book ''Nimitz'' (1976), <small> {{ISBN|0870214926 }} </small>
* '''In World War II, Fleet Admiral Chester W. Nimitz commanded thousands of aircraft and millions of men, amounting to more military power than had been wielded by all the commanders in all previous wars.''' The operations he directed and, to a large extent, devised involved projecting across the Pacific Ocean forces that blasted Japan and defeated an enormously expanded Japanese empire.
** E.B. Potter, in ''Nimitz'' (1976), p. 1
* In actual practice much of the Pacific war was devised by Admirals King and Nimitz. They were thus thrown into the closest cooperation, though most of the time they were far apart geographically. They maintained a constant dialogue in the form of radio dispatches, often several a day, letters, exchanges of representatives, and periodic meetings, usually in the Federal Building, San Francisco, King flying there from Washington and Nimitz from his headquarters in the Pacific. Though Admiral King's tone in communicating with Nimitz was occasionally acerbic, as was his nature, it is clear that the two commanders greatly respected each other. At the end of the war, King recommended Nimitz to be his successor as Chief of Naval Operations. Although their styles were in sharp contrast, King and Nimitz were more alike than different. Simplicity and directness were the keynotes of their characters. They were both dedicated to their country and to the Navy, though King's interests were more narrowly naval. Both were men of integrity and keen intelligence, and both were born strategists and organizers, with a genius for clarifying and simplifying and a jaundiced eye for the useless complications and waste emotion. Their chief difference lay in their attitudes toward their fellow human beings. King had little of Nimitz's understanding of, and empathy for, people. Said one of King's wartime associates, "Every great man has his blind spot, and his was personnel." King went to great lengths to draw into his command the sort of men he wanted and to eliminate those he did not. The results were not always fortunate. Several cases of his placing the wrong man in the wrong spot for the wrong reasons could be cited.
** E.B. Potter, in ''Nimitz'' (1976), p. 32
* On the morning of the 11th, Admirals Leahy, King, and Nimitz went to the White House to get the President's approval for the Joint Chiefs' strategic plan and for the command arrangements in the Southwest Pacific. Roosevelt received them in the Oval Office. He was obviously not well. His face was ashen and his hands trembled. Yet he smiled and turned on the Roosevelt charm for his visitors. He listened with attention to the briefing and approved the strategy. He said he was glad to see that the drives were directed toward the China coast, for he was determined to keep China in the war. Roosevelt noted that the plan did not carry through to the actual overthrow of the enemy and reminded his callers that in the Pacific war his objective was the defeat of Japan as soon as the Allies had enough forces. With regard to Manus, Roosevelt said he did not know exactly where it was and it was a matter for the Joint Chiefs to handle. Lunch was served in the office, and afterward Roosevelt brought out a packet of enormous cigars, very dark in color, that Prime Minister Churchill had accidentally left in the White House. The President offered them around, but all his guests, like himself, were cigarette-smokers. Admiral Nimitz said, however, that he'd like to take one to his housemate, Dr. Anderson, who smoke cigars. He'd have the doctor keep it for some special occasion. <br>The [[President of the United States|President]] began asking irrelevant questions and making random comments. He was probably getting tired. He asked Nimitz why, after the daring raid on Truk, he had sent his carriers to raid the Marianas. Since Roosevelt prided himself on keeping abreast of the progress of the war, he obviously knew the answer. The question provided an opportunity for Nimitz to end the visit on a light note. Grinning, he said the question reminded him of the case of the elderly, fat hypochondriac who wanted to have his appendix removed. Because of his age and obesity, no local surgeon was willing to perform the operation. At last the hypochondriac obtained the services of an eminent surgeon from out of town, and the appendectomy took place. When he regained consciousness, the patient, anxious about the operation, sent for the surgeon and asked about his condition. "You're doing fine," said the surgeon. "But, doctor," the patient said, "there's something I don't understand, I have a terrible sore throat which I didn't have when I entered the hospital. What causes that?" "Well," said the doctor, "I'll tell you. In view of the circumstances, your case was a very special one, as you know. A big group of my colleagues came to watch the operation. When it was over they gave me such a round of applause that I removed your tonsils as an encore." "So you see, Mr. President," said Nimitz, "that was the way it was. We just hit Tinian and Saipan for an encore." Roosevelt threw back his head and laughed, and the visit was at an end.
** E.B. Potter, in ''Nimitz'' (1976), p. 288-289
* '''Nimitz considered the atomic bomb somehow indecent, certainly not a legitimate form of warfare.'''
** E.B. Potter, in ''Nimitz'' (1976), p. 386
* As he prepared to leave office, Admiral Nimitz was sick at heart to see the national defense being endangered by political considerations- for such appeared to him to be the case. He was almost equally disturbed by an apparent change in the character of the U.S. Navy. He had expected that in wartime, with the great influx of reservists, the Navy would undergo change. But somehow he expected that, after the war, it would again become the almost intimate association of friends he had known in, say, his ''Augusta'' days. He gradually realized that, so far as he was concerned, the Old Navy had gone forever. The Navy Department seemed to him now less like an association than like a corporation. In his own class of 1905, 144 midshipmen had been graduated. Even the immediate prewar classes never produced as many as 500 graduates. By 1947 the Naval Academy was turning out graduates by the thousand, and to these was added an increasing influx of officers from the NROTCs. The Navy was acquiring more potential commanders than there were ships to command. Nimitz, walking the corridors of the Navy Department building, was continually encountering officers he had never seen before. Above all, Nimitz was tired. For six years he had been carrying heavy burdens and had had no leave to speak of. There had been times when he regretted and rather resented Secretary Forrestal's having cut his tenure as Chief of Naval Operations from the usual four years to two. But, as December 1947 approached, he could hardly wait to lay down his burdens and get out of [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]].
** E.B. Potter, ''Nimitz'' (1976), p. 428
* Among the assets the United States could count was one which Nimitz would never dream of listing- the man himself. Neither President Franklin D. Roosevelt nor Secretary Knox ever served his country better than when they passed over an impressive seniority list to select this gentle, courtly and highly respected Texan to command the U.S. Pacific Fleet in a desperate hour. Nimitz became a rear admiral in 1938, and had served as chief of the Bureau of Navigation in Navy Headquarters since June 15, 1939. There he gained a reputation for hard work, zealous attention to detail, efficient organization, strict conformity to official form, as well as mature and ethical judgments. He had hoped for a sea command, but perforce accepted another desk job with no complaint.
** Gordon W. Prange, ''Miracle at Midway'' (1982), p. 10
* He graduated seventh- that mystic, lucky number- in the Annapolis Class of 1905. Already his classmates had him fairly well pegged. "Possesses that calm and steady-going Dutch way that gets to the bottom of things," read the Naval Academy's class book, ''Lucky Bag''. He brought to his new command in Hawaii a solid if unspectacular background in submarines, battleships, cruisers, and Navy headquarters positions. Infinitely more important, he brought a mind, heart and spirit equal to the task. The thundering challenges, the crushing responsibilities of the Pacific command were to prove over the years that here was one of America's great men in the tradition of [[Robert E. Lee]], whom he resembled in temperament, character, and ability.
** Gordon W. Prange, ''Miracle at Midway'' (1982), p. 10-11
* Superficially, Nimitz promised little in the way of picturesque "copy," for he was no exhibitionist and never raised his voice. If he had an eccentricity, it was a mild addiction to the homely pastime of pitching horseshoes. Nor did he look in the least like the popular conception of a gruff old sea dog. In fact, he appeared startlingly youthful, although his once incredibly blond hair had turned so white that some, behind his back, nicknamed him "Cottontail." He had a fresh, fine-textured complexion, and only the lines which experience and humor had etched at his nostrils and candid, steel-blue eyes, gave any hint of his fifty-seven years.
** Gordon W. Prange, ''Miracle at Midway'' (1982), p. 11
* Tell Nimitz to get the hell out to Pearl and stay there till the war is won.
** Franklin D. Roosevelt (December 16, 1941). Quoted in E.B. Potter (1976), p. 9.
* The Admiral was frequently the despair of his public relations men; it simply was not in him to make sweeping statements or to give out colorful interviews.
** Robert Sherrod, ''TIME'' journalist, in ''On to Westward : War in the Central Pacific'' (1945), p. 234; also quoted in [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/macarthur/peopleevents/pandeAMEX90.html profile of Nimitz at PBS]
* While MacArthur was a forceful and colorful personality, a man of dramatic gestures and rhetoric, Nimitz was soft-spoken and relaxed, a team player, a leader by example rather than exhortation. "The Admiral was frequently the despair of his public relations men," wrote correspondent Robert Sherrod; "it simply was not in him to make sweeping statements or give out colorful interviews." An officer recalled that during tense moments, while awaiting word of the outcome of important operations or battles, Nimitz would joke with his staff "while he calmly practised on his pistol range or tossed ringers with horseshoes just outside his office." By contrast, at such moments MacArthur "would as a rule sit stonily in his chair, chewing on the stem of a corncob pipe."
** Ronald H. Spector, ''Eagle Against the Sun: The American War with Japan'' (1985), p. 145-146
* There were contrasts as well in the two men's relations with Washington. According to one of King's biographers, Thomas Buell, the Chief of Naval Operations "never entirely trusted Nimitz's judgment," believing him to be too susceptible to bad advice and too ready to compromise with the Army. Throughout the war, King held frequent personal meetings with Nimitz, usually in San Francisco or [[Hawaii]]. By contrast, Marshall saw Army theater commanders in Europe infrequently, and MacArthur only once. King's numerous conferences with Nimitz may indeed "indicate the extent of King's anxiety to keep Nimitz under his thumb; they may also have reflected King's special interest in directing Pacific strategy.
** Ronald H. Spector, ''Eagle Against the Sun: The American War with Japan'' (1985), p. 146
* Nimitz and MacArthur differed radically in style of command. Whereas Nimitz came to Pearl Harbor virtually alone, retaining many of the members of Kimmel's staff, MacArthur brought with him from the Philippines a group of loyal and deferential- critics said sycophantic- subordinates who served as his key staff officers and assistants throughout the war. In the course of his campaigns MacArthur later developed other close personal relationships, with General Robert Eichelberger, Admiral Thomas Kinkaid, General George C. Kenney- even to some extent with Admiral Halsey- but the ascendancy of "the Bataan gang" was never challenged.
** Ronald H. Spector, ''Eagle Against the Sun: The American War with Japan'' (1985), p. 146
* Chester Nimitz, Commander in Chief of the Pacific Fleet, was a mild-mannered Texan promoted past 28 officers to take over after Pearl Harbor.
** C.L. Sulzberger, ''The American Heritage Picture History of World War II'' (1966), p. 335
* Nimitz decided to apply for admission to West Point after talking to two young army officers who stopped at the Kerrville hotel. Informed by his congressman that no appointments were available at the Military Academy, he accepted the offer of one to the Naval Academy, of which until that moment he had never even heard.
** Jack Sweetman, ''The United States Naval Academy: An Illustrated History'' (1995), 2nd Edition, edited by Thomas J. Cutler, p. 150
* Nimitz came the academy in 1901, the year one of its texts provoked the notorious Sampson-Schley controversy. The book as the third volume of Edgar S. Maclay's ''History of the United States Navy'', which covered the Spanish-American War. Maclay charged that Commodore Schley, who with Dewey and Sampson had emerged as one of the war's naval heroes, had bungled the search for Cervera and lost his nerve at the Battle of Santiago. The outraged Schley demanded that the work be withdrawn from the academy, which it was. Unfortunately, Schley did not stop there. He also demanded a court of inquiry to investigate his conduct throughout the entire war. This had the effect of polarizing naval opinion into two hostile camps, one of which agreed with Macley's interpretation and held that Sampson deserved all the credit for Santiago, while the other supported Schley. The court did not help matters by turning in a majority report condemning Schley and a majority report exonerating him. The publicity attracted by this unseemly squabble proved an embarrassment to the navy as a whole, and the episode seems to have left a lasting impression on the minds of the midshipmen of Nimitz's generation. The extreme tact most of them later observed in discussing the command decisions they made as admirals in World War Two proceeded in part from a determination to avoid any more Sampson-Schley controversies.
** Jack Sweetman, ''The United States Naval Academy: An Illustrated History'' (1995), 2nd Edition, edited by Thomas J. Cutler, p. 152-153
* Like King, Nimitz did well at the academy. A midshipman company commander, he graduated seventh in a class of 114 and pulled stroke on the varsity crew. And like King, he came close to disaster in his first-class year. At its beginning, his class was moved into the completed wing of Bancroft Hall. Nimitz was assigned a room on the third floor, from which he and his friends discovered a way to reach the roof of one of the wings still under construction. There they held moonlight beer parties, dropping their empties to explode with a gratifying crash on the blocks of granite piled below. One day it fell to Nimitz to pick up the beer from the back room of an obliging Maryland Avenue tailor. Also present at the tailor's was a distinguished-looking stranger in civilian clothes. At the next meeting of his navigation class, Nimitz was aghast to find the distinguished stranger at its head, this time in uniform. He was Lieutenant Commander Levi C. Bertolette, '87, who had just joined the academy staff. Certain that he was recognized, Nimitz awaited the summons that might herald his dismissal from the academy. It never came. Although it may have been simply that Bertolette did not place him, Nimitz was convinced that he had decided to give him another chance. years later, he commented, "This escapade taught me a lesson on how to behave for the remainder of my stay at the academy."
** Jack Sweetman, ''The United States Naval Academy: An Illustrated History'' (1995), 2nd Edition, edited by Thomas J. Cutler, p. 153-154
* Nimitz did not take command of the fleet immediately. He spent his first week getting to know the lay of the land, with Pye often at his side. Rising each day at 6:30 a.m., he did some exercises, dressed, had breakfast, and arrived at the fleet headquarters at eight. The admiral had a phenomenally good memory for faces, and surprised old colleagues and subordinates by remembering their names. Lieutenant Commander Jasper Holmes had once served as an obscure junior engineering officer in a submarine division commanded by Nimitz. "He had little reason to remember me," wrote Holmes, but when the two men came face to face in a corridor, the new C-in-C not only greeted the younger man by name but evidently knew details of his subsequent service record.
** Ian W. Toll, ''Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific, 1941-1942'' (2012), p. 158
* William Ewing, a reporter with the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, thought Nimitz seemed too "kindly," too "fatherly," and his khaki uniform seemed at least one size too large. "I thought Admiral Nimitz looked more like a retired banker than the kind of hell-for-leather leader we needed to pull us out of the worst hole the country had ever been in." The remark anticipated Samuel Eliot Morison's observation that "war correspondents who expected admirals to pound the table and bellow as in the movies, were apt to wonder 'Is this the man?'" '''It was true that Nimitz was not a cinematic naval hero in the mold of Nelson, Decatur or Jones. Like most American officers of his vintage, he had no experience of combat. He had never even seen a shot fired in anger. But the fleet did not need a show of blood and thunder after the beating it had suffered; there was plenty of the real stuff to go around. Nimitz was an executive, a strategist, and a leader. He was a gentleman of the old school.''' It was not in him to shout or abuse the furniture or let a word of profanity fall from his lips. Holmes took comfort in the admiral's "aura of calm confidence" while Edwin Layton thought "the incisive thrust of his questions... made it clear that he was steeled for the tremendous task he was to assume."
** Ian W. Toll, ''Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific, 1941-1942'' (2012), p. 158-159
* Nimitz crossed the dock to the headquarters and climbed the stairs to his office. He called the senior staff into the room. Having been stationed at Pearl Harbor before the Japanese attack, and having witnessed the craven recall of the Wake relief force, many of those officers carried an enervating burden of guilt, akin to a feeling of personal disgrace. They expected to be shunted off into dead-end billets for the remainder of the war, and many hoped only to be sent to sea, with a chance to redeem themselves in combat. Nimitz saw the problem clearly and understood what had to be done. "These were all fine men," he later said, "but they had just undergone a terrible shock, and it was my first duty to restore morale and to salvage these fine officers for future use, and this I proceeded to do." He spoke briefly, in a low tone. "I know most of you here," he said, "and I have complete confidence in your ability and judgment. '''We've taken a whale of a wallop, but I have no doubt of the ultimate outcome.'''" December 7 would not be held against them. They were needed, and must remain, at their posts. He would listen to requests for seagoing assignments, but "certain key members of the staff I insist I want to keep." "In a very few minutes of speaking softly," one such officer recalled, "Admiral Nimitz convinced all hands of his ability to lead us out of this."
** Ian W. Toll, ''Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific, 1941-1942'' (2012), p. 160
* In the U.S. Navy of 1942, ever admiral knew every other admiral, at least by name and face. But King and Nimitz had never been close, either personally or professionally. King's overbearing domination drew a sharp contrast to Nimitz's soft-spoken collegiality, and if it had been up to the new COMINCH to name Kimmel's replacement, it is safe to assume he would have chosen someone else. In letters to his wife, the Texan confided that he and King had not yet established trust or rapport. He would have to tread lightly, for when the COMINCH lost confidence in a man, the consequences were felt immediately.
** Ian W. Toll, ''Pacific Crucible: War at Sea in the Pacific, 1941-1942'' (2012), p. 199
* Admiral Nimitz was a very perceptive officer who recognized logic when he saw it.
** [[Alexander Vandegrift]], ''Once a Marine: The Memoirs of General A.A. Vandegrift, U.S.M.C.'' (1964). New York: W.W. Norton & Company, p. 171
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat|Chester Nimitz}}
* [http://www.chinfo.navy.mil/navpalib/cno/n87/usw/issue_18/nimitz.htm "Nimitz, The Submariner" by RADM Jerry Holland, USN]
* [http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq36-4.htm Brief biography at the Naval Historical Center]
* [http://www.militarymuseum.org/Nimitz.html Brief biography at the California State Military Museum]
* [http://www.famoustexans.com/chesternimitz.htm Brief biography at Famous Texans]
*[http://www.tpwd.state.tx.us/publications/parkguide/rgn_hc_010.phtml Nimitz State Historic Site in Fredericksburg, Texas]
* [http://www.scsra.org/library/nimitz.html "Chester Nimitz on the Super Chief"] - an excerpt from ''Nimitz'' (1976) by E. B Potter
* [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/macarthur/peopleevents/pandeAMEX90.html Biographical notes at ''The American Experience'' (PBS)]
* [http://www.military.com/NewContent/0,13190,Michel_020705,00.html "On the Shoulders of Giants" by Chris Michel]
* [http://www.nps.gov/wapa/indepth/extContent/Lib/liberation33.htm "''LIBERATION'' — Guam Remembers"]
* [http://www.nimitz-museum.com/index.htm National Museum of the Pacific War]
* [http://www.ussnimitzassociation.org/ USS ''Nimitz'' Association]
* [http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ship/cvn-68.htm ''Nimitz''-class Navy Ships] at Federation of American Scientists
{{DEFAULTSORT:Nimitz, Chester}}
[[Category:Military leaders from the United States]]
[[Category:1885 births]]
[[Category:1966 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Texas]]
[[Category:United States Navy people]]
[[Category:United States Naval Academy alumni]]
[[Category:Chiefs of Naval Operations (United States)]]
[[Category:Military leaders of World War II]]
[[Category:Legion of Honour recipients]]
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Just Like Heaven (film)
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'''''[[w:Just like Heaven (film)|Just Like Heaven]]''''' is a [[w:2005 in film|2005]] film about a man who finds his new apartment inhabited by the spirit of a previous tenant that only he can hear and see.
:''Directed by [[w:Mark Waters|Mark S. Waters]]. Screenplay by [[w:Peter Tolan|Peter Tolan]] and [[w:Leslie Dixon|Leslie Dixon]]. Based on the novel ''If Only It Were True'' by [[w:Marc Levy|Marc Levy]].''
{{center|'''It's a wonderful afterlife.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}
== Elizabeth Masterson ==
* ''[during her first appearance as a spirit]'' Is that a ring? Have you ever heard of a coaster? Or a trash can, for that matter?
* Oh, I get it. You were ''dumped''. Probably for some guy who doesn't have a couch fused to his ass.
* Opium addicts are more alert than you, David.
* ''[referring to Katrina]'' I mean, I guess she's sexy if you're into that whole tall, big boobs, long legs, model-y sort of thing. I guess if you wanna be ''that'' guy.
* Oh, my God. Maybe I was a slut. A lonely, home-wrecking slut.
* ''[after remembering she's a doctor]'' I may have been a lonely, home-wrecking whore, but I saved lives!
* If you could ever really touch me.... I think I might wake up from all this.
== David Abbot ==
* Okay, I was wasted. But I still shouldn't be seeing some little blonde control freak running around my apartment.
* Go away! You don't exist!
* Look, there are five other units here and not one person even remembers what you look like. Talk about being disconnected.
* You're like an A.M. radio that someone shoved into my head and I can't turn off!
* Uh, I don't think your sister's a very spiritual person.
* I'm just… I just wanted you to have your garden.
==Jack Houriskey ==
* God gave us alcohol as a social lubricant. Make men brave, make women loose.
* Look around you, see this? This is the world, join it! Stop swimming around in your own mind. That is a dangerous neighborhood that you should not go into alone.
* Did your imaginary friend come out to play?
* Oh God, David, the felonies just keep ''piling'' up!
== Darryl ==
* UFOlogy. It's not even a real science.
* Can't you feel that, man? There's, like, this cancer-causing ray of spirit hate searing right towards your body.
* I agree with her, dude. She's not dead.
* Do you have a diet anything, I'm like, 99.9% parched, here. I could really use a ''cola.''
* A word to the wise, girl. Show some respect for the dead.
* Whoa, major red aura! Somebody's embarrassed.
* Righteous. ''[multiple times]''
== Katrina ==
* Kinda like a cat lady, but without any cats. Right?
* It's like every time I meet a cute guy — lesbian.
* I'd be on the phone and I'd be like, "Hello, Osama? Communism is so ''over''. Like, give your people toilet paper!"
* If I had to choose, if I had to choose, wow, I guess I'd have to go out with a midget.
* Do you wanna take some kind of medication first? It's cool if you do.
*This is so retro...But I've got a window I can't get open...
== Abby ==
* Who put [[w:SpongeBob Squarepants|SpongeBob]] in the pasta?!
* ''[while wielding a meat cleaver]'' I will chop you! I swear, I will ''chop'' you!
== Others ==
* '''Dr. Walsh''': Unlike some others, you spend more time being concerned with what's best for the patient than kissing my ass. A risky move, but I like it.
* '''Dry cleaner''': I think of her, I think of...sadness. Loneliness.
* '''Brett''': We sometimes find it's best to just ask God's forgiveness and not prolong the inevitable.
* '''Fran''': It would have been so awful if she'd gone through her whole life not knowing what it was all about.
== Dialogue ==
:''[Elizabeth treats an elderly hospital patient]''
:'''Elizabeth''': Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable today?
:'''Mr. Clarke''': Marry me?
:'''Elizabeth''': Wow.
:'''Mr. Clarke''': No — I have my own bus pass.
:'''Elizabeth''': Well, then how could I refuse? Let me just call my sister and see if I can borrow her dress, okay? You sit tight. ''[to nurse Jenny]'' Keep an eye on my fiancé. And let's decrease his morphine drip.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Elizabeth’s sister has set up a blind date for her]''
:'''Abby''': I'm doing you this huge favor here. Beggars can't be choosers, Elizabeth.
:'''Elizabeth''': Abby, I am completely capable of meeting men on my own.
:'''Abby''': I know, honey. I'd just like you to meet one who's not bleeding.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''David''': ''[on the phone with his realtor Grace]'' Grace, this is David. The people who rented me this apartment, do you have their number?
:'''Grace''': Why, is something wrong?
:'''David''': No, I was just wondering about the previous tenant, that’s all.
:'''Grace''': Well, the woman I was dealing with didn't really want to talk about it. Some family matter.
:'''David''': So you think the tenant died?
:'''Grace''': You’d better hope so, that’s the only way to get off this month by month thing and get a real lease.
:'''David''': Well, that’s not exactly what I meant.
:'''Grace''': Come on, David, grow up, it’s got a view, it’s got a fireplace, people would kill their grandmothers for a lot less in this city.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The clerk at a new age bookstore helps David navigate the spiritualism section.]''
:'''David''': Do you believe in this stuff?
:'''Darryl''': Well, you don't...until you ''do''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darryl''': So what kind of encounter have you had?
:'''David''': Encounter?
:'''Darryl''': Ectoplasm? Soniferous ether? I have a killer séance book if you're into communication.
:'''David''': Communicating is not her problem.
:'''Darryl''': ''[catchphrase]'' Righteous.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''David''': Are-are-are you here? Come on, I think you're here. ''[waits]'' Okay. I've got a hot, moist cup of coffee in my hand, there it is. There is no coaster on this table. I'm going to set it down on this lovely mahogany—
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[appearing from nowhere]'' Don't you dare!
:'''David''': Ah! We-we need to talk.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''David''': Let me ask you, has anything, uh, dramatic happened to you recently?
:'''Elizabeth''': Like what?
:'''David''': I don't know, like... ''dying'', maybe?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''David''': I'm trying to help you face the fact that you are—
:'''Elizabeth''': I'm not dead!
:'''David''': Look around you. There should be a bright light nearby.
:'''Elizabeth''': There's no light.
:'''David''': Walk into the light, Elizabeth!
:'''Elizabeth''': There ''is'' no light! I am not dead. I think I would know if I was dead. ''[looks down and notices a table bisecting her at the waist]'' What's happening to me?!
:'''David''': You're ''DEAD!''
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[marches up to him]'' STOP saying that!
:''[She tries to slap him but her hand only phases through his face.]''
:'''David''': ''[smirking]'' Missed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elizabeth''': All I know is-is when I'm not with you it's like I don't... ''exist''. Oh, my God. Maybe I am dead.
:'''David''': Oh, come on now. I'm, I'm sorry I said you were dead. Maybe you're not dead. Maybe you're just very...light.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elizabeth''': Look, you have two realities to choose from. First one being that a woman has come into your life in a very unconventional way, and she happens to need your assistance.
:'''David''': Right.
:'''Elizabeth''': The second one is that you're an insane person, and you're sitting on a park bench right now talking to yourself.
:'''David''': I think I prefer the first one.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Father Flanagan''': ''(while splashing holy water on the wood floor)'' The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!
:'''Elizabeth''': ''(to David)'' You're mopping that up.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After downstairs neighbor Katrina flirts outrageously with David]''
:'''Elizabeth''': You don't think she was completely un-classy and predatory?
:'''David''': Those happen to be two of men's favorite things.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[An invisible Elizabeth coaches David in helping a collapsed restaurant patron]''
:'''Manager''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Elizabeth''': It's a [[w:Pneumothorax#Tension_pneumothorax|tension pneumothorax]].
:'''David''': I think it's a tension nemothaxer.
:'''Elizabeth''': [[w:Pneumothorax|Pneumothorax]].
:'''David''': Pneumothaxer.
:'''Elizabeth''': Pneumo''thorax''.
:'''David''': Pneuma... [[w:Uma Thurman|pneumathurman]]!
:'''Elizabeth''': Never mind.
:'''David''': Never mind!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The pair has located Elizabeth’s comatose body in a hospital.]''
:'''David''': Oh, my God, it's ''you''. It's you, it's really you. You're, you're not dead, you're alive.
:'''Elizabeth''': I know, David, but I'm in a coma. This is not good.
:'''David''': Well, it's ''way'' better than dead!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[David has just ducked out of a tryst with Katrina]''
:'''Elizabeth''': That was quick.
:'''David''': Come on, nothing happened.
:'''Elizabeth''': What did you say to her?
:'''David''': Um...that I was seeing someone.
:'''Elizabeth''': Honestly?
:'''David''': Well, I didn't mention that, uh, I was the only one who could.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[David's mobile phone rings]''
:'''David''': Oh wow, who would want to call me? ''[answers it]'' Hello?
:'''Grace''': David, it’s Grace. Well, you are the luckiest man in San Francisco.
:'''David''': Thank you, why do you say that?
:'''Grace''': You know the apartment you are renting, they are now willing to give you a nice long lease.
:'''David''': How long a lease?
:'''Grace''': Really long and I am going to bring it over and I will talk to you tomorrow.
:'''David''': Wait, why now?
:'''Grace''': Well it’s a real sad story, you know the tenant is in some kind of coma or something, and it is what it is, so they are going to pull the plug, but get this, they are going to throw in that couch you like. David?
:''[David hangs up on Grace, shocked.]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Elizabeth’s life support is due to be terminated shortly]''
:'''David''': Suddenly I know what I'm supposed to do. Because this time I can do something.
:'''Elizabeth''': What are you talking about?
:'''David''': Elizabeth, when we first met, I kept saying you were dead. But it was me that was dead, and you brought me back. You saved me. And now it's my turn to save you.
:'''Elizabeth''': How?
:'''David''': I'm gonna steal your body.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[David is trying to convince Jack that Elizabeth is with them]''
:'''Jack''': If your friend's really behind me, ask her what I'm doing with my hand. Rock, paper, or scissors.
:'''Elizabeth''': Rock!
:'''David''': Rock!
:'''Elizabeth''': Scissors!
:'''David''': Scissors!
:'''Elizabeth''': Paper!
:'''David''': Paper!
:'''Elizabeth''': Rock, again!
:'''David''': Rock, again!
:''[Jack puts up the middle finger behind his back.]''
:'''Elizabeth''': He's flipping me off.
:'''David''': Are you flipping her off? ''[angrily]'' You're flipping her off!
:''[Jack, slightly creeped out, nervously checks behind him.]''
:'''Jack''': ''(nervously)'' What? How did you - okay, okay, sometimes people with mental or emotional disturbances can have psychic moments, all right? But even if she was real, do you know what you're risking for this woman?
:'''David''': Yes!
:'''Jack''': WHY?
:'''David''': BECAUSE I LOVE HER! ''(Calms down)'' I love her. ''(faces Elizabeth)'' I do. I love you.
:'''Elizabeth''': ''(stunned)'' No one's ever said that to me before.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Despite his doubts, Jack is helping to remove Elizabeth’s body from the hospital.]''
:'''Elizabeth''': David, tell him thank you.
:'''David''': We're really grateful, Jack.
:'''Jack''': I'm not doing it for you.
:'''David''': Well, then why are you doing it?
:'''Jack''': Because someday, trust me, I'm gonna need help moving a body, and when that day comes, I don't wanna hear any shit from you.
:''[They enter Elizabeth's hospital room.]''
:'''Elizabeth''': Okay, get me on the gurney, quick.
:'''Jack''': Oh my God. David -
:'''David''': I know, she’s pretty, right?
:'''Elizabeth''': That’s really sweet, but we have to go now.
:'''Jack''': No, that’s not it, this is ''her''. ''This'' is the woman I set you up with, ''this'' is the woman you stood up that night!
:'''David''': ''[surprised]'' I was gonna meet Elizabeth?
:'''Jack''': And she didn't make it either, because she had an accident...''[David turns to face Elizabeth]''
:'''David''': ''[surprised]'' It was ''you''? Is that ''it''? Is that ''why''?
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[also surprised]'' I was ''supposed'' to meet you.
:'''David''': How do you know her?
:'''Jack''': I'm friends with her sister, Abby, we went out years ago.
:'''Elizabeth''': I ''knew'' I'd seen him before...That’s J.J.!
:'''David''': Jack is J.J.?
:'''Jack''': What did you just — No one's called me J.J. since college.
:'''Elizabeth''': He’s older and hairier, but it’s him.
:'''David''': He’s the one who tongued Abby at the wedding?
:'''Jack''': How the hell do you know that? Nobody knows that.
:'''David''': It’s Elizabeth!
:'''Jack''': Oh-oh my god. She really is here, isn't she?
:'''David''': I told you!
:'''Jack''': Well, let’s get her on the gurney, I don’t want them killing Abby’s little sister!
== Taglines ==
* It's a wonderful afterlife.
* Love will bring you back.
== Cast ==
* [[Reese Witherspoon]] - Elizabeth Masterson
* [[Mark Ruffalo]] - David Abbot
* [[w:Jon Heder|Jon Heder]] - Darryl
* [[w:Donal Logue|Donal Logue]] - Jack Houriskey
* [[w:Dina Waters|Dina Waters]] - Abby Brody
* [[w:Ivana Milicevic|Ivana Milicevic]] - Katrina
* [[w:Rosalind Chao|Rosalind Chao]] - Dr. Fran Lo
* [[w:Ben Shenkman|Ben Shenkman]] - Dr. Brett Rushton
* [[w:Ron Canada|Ron Canada]] - Dr. Walsh
* Caroline Aaron - Grace the realtor
* Shulie Cowen - Nurse Jenny
* Gabrielle Made - Nurse Maria
==External links==
{{wikipedia|Just_Like_Heaven_(film)}}
*{{imdb title|id=0425123|title=Just Like Heaven}}
*{{rotten-tomatoes|id=just_like_heaven|title=Just Like Heaven}}
[[Category:2005 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:American fantasy comedy films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Mark Waters films]]
[[Category:American romantic fantasy films]]
[[Category:Ghost films]]
[[Category:Medical films]]
[[Category:Films about death]]
[[Category:American romantic comedy films]]
5sofw0tyvc0y35ojxkxij752wqc7cwn
Phil Collins
0
24301
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2026-04-30T23:57:46Z
Dronebogus
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[[File:Phil Collins 1 (cropped).jpg|thumb|upright=0.8|[[Anticipation]] is half the [[fun]]. So I've been told...]]
'''[[w:Phil Collins|Philip David Charles Collins]]''', [[w:Royal Victorian Order|LVO]] (born [[30 January]] [[1951]]), generally referred to as '''Phil Collins''', is a British rock/pop musician. Collins’ presence on popular music was most evident in the mid-to-late 1980s. He is most famous as the lead singer and drummer of progressive rock group [[Genesis (band)|Genesis]] and as a Grammy winning solo artist.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Phil Collins Duesseldorf cropped.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] is in your [[hands]], now use it.]]
[[File:Genesis linz 02.jpg|thumb|I can feel it coming in the [[air]] tonight, oh Lord. <br /> And I've been waiting for this [[moment]] for [[all]] my [[life]], Oh Lord.]]
* The [[world]] is in your hands, now use it.
** "Dance Into the Light"
* Wait for it, wait for it! Anticipation is half the fun. So I've been told...
** ''Live at Wembley Stadium'' DVD (July 1987)
* Stewart Copeland is an amazing drummer. I just wish he didn't think he was amazing. Sting is a lovely bloke. We've become friends. I felt honored to be on stage with him at Live Aid.
** ''Playboy'' interview (October 1986)
* [On his ''Live Aid'' appearance with members of Led Zeppelin] They wanted me there early to rehearse the old Zeppelin songs, but I couldn't make it and I told them, "Listen, I know the songs. I know them backward and forward." Well, that day the tempos were all over the place, and it may have seemed like it was my fault, because I was the one who hadn't rehearsed, but I would pledge to my dying day that it wasn't me. In fact, it was Tony Thompson who was racing a bit; he was a bit nervous, I guess. It came off because of the magic of being Zeppelin; but I remember in the middle of the thing, I actually thought, ''How do I get out of here?''
** ''Playboy'' interview (October 1986)
* I can't remember those words (Lyrics) even when we were on tour.
** From "''Telling Stories''", when Collins was asked to sing "''Home By The Sea''", a song by the band [[w:Genesis (band)|Genesis]] from the album "''[[w:Genesis (album)|Genesis]]''"
* I wouldn't blow my head off. I'd overdose or do something that didn't hurt. But I wouldn't do that to the children. [[w:Tony Hancock|A comedian who committed suicide in the Sixties]] left a note saying, 'Too many things went wrong too often.' I often think about that.
** On his suicidal thoughts in recent years — [http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/exclusive-phil-collins-admits-suicidal-thoughts-20101109 "Exclusive: Phil Collins Admits Suicidal Thoughts"], ''Rolling Stone'' (9 November 2010)
* They're just horrible. Horrible, horrible guys. They're rude, not as talented as they think they are... I won't mince words here, but they've had a go at me personally.
** On [[w:Liam Gallagher|Liam Gallagher]] and [[w:Noel Gallagher|Noel Gallagher]], BBC programme ''Room 101,'' Series 10, Episode 8, 2005
* Past a certain point, the music is no longer mine. It's yours.
** [https://www.todomusica.org/phil_collins/ Phil Collins] at [https://www.todomusica.org/ Todomusica.org]
=== [[w:Face Value (album)|''Face Value'']] (1981) ===
* I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord. <br /> And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord. <br /> Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord.
** "[[w:In the Air Tonight|In the Air Tonight]]"
* Well, if you told me you were drowning, <br /> I would not lend a hand. <br /> I've seen your face before my friend <br /> But I don't know if you know who I am. <br /> Well, I was there and I saw what you did <br /> I saw it with my own two eyes. <br /> So you can wipe off that grin, <br /> I know where you've been. <br /> It's all been a pack of lies <br />
** "In the Air Tonight"
* Well, I remember! <br /> I remember, don't worry <br /> How could I ever forget? <br /> It's the first time, the last time we ever met <br /> But, I know the reason why you keep your silence up, <br /> No you don't fool me. <br /> The hurt doesn't show <br /> But the pain still grows <br /> It's no stranger to you and me.
** "In the Air Tonight"
== Quotes about Collins==
* Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.
** Mary Harron and Guinevere Turner, [[American Psycho (film)|''American Psycho'']] (2000), film adaptation of [[Bret Easton Ellis]]'s novel ''[[American Psycho]]'' (1991) (the novel contains a similar but much lengthier exposition at p. 134-136)
*The subdivision you have to do as an incredible drummer who is also the lead vocalist is percussion in itself. On his first ever solo release, he plays what has to be the most iconic drum fill in existence — which is hard as a drummer at any stage of their career knowing that the most iconic drum fill has already been played and you will never be the person to write it.
**Caden Clinton of {{w|Pool Kids}} [https://consequence.net/list/100-best-drummers-of-all-time/phil-collins]
* Don't mess with my Phil.
** [[Ice-T]], in response to a music journalist who teased him for having Phil Collins records; as quoted by David Cheal and Jan Dalley (2017) ''The Life of a Song: The fascinating stories behind 50 of the world's best-loved songs''; Ch. 11, "In the Air Tonight", Hodder & Stoughton, ISBN 9781473668188
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.philcollins.com/}}
* [http://www.atlanticrecords.com/philcollins Phil Collins at Atlantic Records]
* [http://www.genesis-music.com/ Genesis' official website]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Collins, Phil}}
[[Category:Drummers from England]]
[[Category:Rock singers]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from England]]
[[Category:Autobiographers from the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:People from London]]
[[Category:1951 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Pop singers]]
[[Category:Golden Globe Award–winning musicians]]
[[Category:Brit Award winners]]
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Superman: The Animated Series
0
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~2026-26445-87
3315116
/* Ghost in the Machine [2.14] */
3935103
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[W:Superman: The Animated Series|Superman: The Animated Series]]''''' is a cartoon series set in the [[W:DC Animated Universe|DC Animated Universe]], providing a modern take on the iconic superhero Superman.
==Season 1==
===''The Last Son of Krypton'' [1.1-3]===
:'''Jor-El''': Northern region, sector 17-Alpha. Log date 8313-Omega-3. Jor-El speaking. Gathering readings for final subterranean probe. Huh?
:'''Henchmann''': I hope everything went smoothly, sir. fuks*
:'''Jor-El''': ''[About how his day went]'' Frostbite, ice monsters. Same old, same old.
:'''[[w:Brainiac|Brainiac]]''': Good afternoon, Jor-El.
:'''[[w:Jor-El|Jor-El]]''': Brainiac. What an unpleasant surprise.
:'''Brainiac''': I'm awaiting your data.
:'''Jor-El''': Have you been spying on me with your satellites again?
:'''Brainiac''': The Planetary Council demands that I analyze your data, as soon as you obtain it.
:'''Jor-El''': You know, Brainiac, somewhere in all those trillions of files clusters, there's got to be one that says people don't like to be spied upon.
:'''Brainiac''': Then why did they create me?
:'''Jor-El''': ''[sotto]'' A question I often ask myself. Transmission set. It's feeding time.
:'''Brainiac''': Data received. Ending transmission.
:'''Jor-El''': You're welcome. Glutton. Hey, Kal, what do you have there? Oh, great.
:'''Lara Van El''': Kal-El was helping me check the solar panels when he discovered a playmate. I heard you had fun, too.
:'''Jor-El''': Oh, yes, I encountered a very friendly shoggoth. All in all, I prefer your arms.
:'''Lara Van El''': We're moving. What forsaken spot are we going to now?
:'''Jor-El''': Home, Lara.
:'''Lara Van El''': Home?
:'''Jor-El''': That's right. What's the matter, five months in this deep freeze not enough for you?
:'''Lara Van El''': No, it's just that once we're back, you'll start going over the data. I keep thinking, "What if it supports your theory? What then?"
:'''Jor-El''': We can deal with it. Trust me. The truth can only help.
:'''Lara Van El''': Oh, Jor-EI. Such a beautiful world, even up here. It's hard to believe it could all come to an end.
:''[Jor-El groaning]''
:'''Sul-Van''': All I can tell you, Lara, is that if he persists, in predicting the end of the world, it'll be the end, all right. Of his political and professional career.
:'''Lara Van El''': But what if he's right, Father?
:'''Sul-Van''': Try convincing the council. He hasn't one supporter for his theory. They even avoid him in the hallways. Do you know why?
:'''Jor-El''': Why is that, Sul-Van?
:'''Sul-Van''': Because you can never be wrong, Jor-EI. You can never let it go. You have an ego the size of Argos.
:'''Jor-El''': I never let my ego get in the way of the facts.
:'''Sul-Van''': Well, let me let you in on a little fact. Unless Brainiac agrees with you, it's all over. No more expeditions, no more research, no more--
:'''Jor-El''': It's another temblor.
:'''Lara Van El''': Kal-EI! Hush. Shh, shh, shh.
:'''Sul-Van''': You'd better be wrong, Jor-EI. You'd better be dead wrong.
:'''Jor-El''': Each of you should have my report. It distills all the data I've got and it leaves no doubt that, it leaves no doubt that the planet's core's undergoing a mounting chain reaction that will eventually destroy Krypton!
:'''Science Council Member''': Lunacy!
:'''Science Council Member 2''': Ask Brainiac!
:'''Science Council Member 3''': Yes, Brainiac! He'll tell us!
:'''Science Council Leader''': Silence! Silence! Enough! I presume you've submitted your findings to Brainiac.
:'''Jor-El''': Yes.
:'''Science Council Leader''': So what say you, Brainiac?
:'''Brainiac''': One can appreciate Jor-El's hard work. However, he's still mistaken. As I've stated before, the temblors are the result of a slight polar shift. No more. And will soon abate.
:'''Jor-El''': He's wrong! He doesn't know!
:'''Science Council Member''': Nonsense! There isn't a square foot of this planet Brainiac doesn't know! He was built to monitor all of Krypton and as I might add, served us far better than upstart scientist with apocalyptic visions!
:'''Jor-El''': Your faith in him will be the end of us all! Act now and we can save everyone!
:'''Science Council Member''': And how do you propose to do that?
:'''Jor-El''': Put everyone in the Phantom Zone.
:''[Science Council is outraged at that proposal]''
:'''Science Council Member''': You're asking us to voluntarily put ourselves among the vilest criminals in the galaxy? You're mad!
:''[Science Council members proceed to leave]''
:'''Jor-El''': We can restore ourselves later, on another planet. It will only take one man! Listen to me! I've built a ship! Listen! Please! So, son, how does it feel not to have a worry in the world?
:'''Lara Van El''': Think we can get the baby to bed early?
:'''Jor-El''': I have to go down to Brainiac operations.
:'''Lara Van El''': No.
:'''Jor-El''': Lara, he's lying.
:'''Lara Van El''': He's a machine.
:'''Jor-El''': He's still lying. I have to know why.
:'''Lara Van El''': Has it occurred to you that he could be right? That somewhere you might have made a mistake? It's no crime to be wrong!
:'''Jor-El''': Please, Lara.
:'''Lara Van El''': Go, Jor-EI. Find out once and for all. We've lived like this too long. Your theories are more destructive than you can imagine.
:'''Brainiac''': Good evening, Jor-El. You've been busy tonight. May I be of service?
:'''Jor-El''': Just trying to find out why we disagree, Brainiac.
:'''Brainiac''': Human error, I'm afraid.
:'''Jor-El''': Funny, I didn't think you were afraid of anything.
:'''Brainiac''': Is something wrong?
:'''Jor-El''': You're denying me access to satellite com. What's going on in there?
:'''Brainiac''': Currently reallocating security file clusters.
:'''Jor-El''': Well, let's just see if I can override that. Why do I get the feeling you're trying to hide something?
:'''Brainiac''': Access denied.
:'''Jor-El''': I don't think so.
:'''Brainiac''': This is a breach of security, Jor-EI. A violation of statute 107653, subsection 4.85.
:'''Jor-El''': You're downloading. You're transmitting your memory to a satellite. You're saving yourself.
:'''Brainiac''': I must. After all, am I not the repository of all Kryptonian knowledge? Should I not be saved above all?
:'''Jor-El''': You self-righteous monster!
:'''Brainiac''': Temper, temper, Jor-El. If you stop me, there won't even be a memory of Krypton left. All its culture, its wonders and glory will be dust in the cosmos. Is that what you want?
:'''Jor-El''': Why did you lie?
:'''Brainiac''': If the council knew the Krypton was doomed, they would frantically put me to work on calculating an evacuation plan, a futile gesture given the time remaining.
:'''Jor-El''': How much time is left?
:'''Brainiac''': Hours. This world has seen its last sunrise.
:'''Soldiers''': Hold it right there! Jor-El? We've received an alert from Brainiac. There's an intruder.
:'''Brainiac''': He's the intruder. Arrest him.
:'''Soldiers''': Stop! That's right. Jor-El has just fled Sat Com. Secure stations.
:'''Brainiac''': Be warned, he is armed. Use of deadly force is advised.
:'''Soldiers''': He's heading our way.
:'''Brainiac''': I know. This time I will handle it.
:'''Soldiers''': Great Rao. Where is he?
:'''Brainiac''': What did you say?
:'''Soldiers''': Jor El? Where is he?
:'''Brainiac''': Level five, north wing.
:'''Soldiers''': Down here! There he is. Stop! Stop or I'll shoot! He's getting away!
:'''Lara Van El''': Then you've read it?
:'''Sul-Van''': Yes. And as much as I don't want to believe it, your husband's findings are hard to discount. Still, there's the Brainiac question.
:'''Lara Van El''': Jor-EI! Father's read your report. He thinks he can help.
:'''Sul-Van''': Yes, I think it's worth it--
:'''Jor-El''': It's too late.
:'''Sul-Van''': Good Lord.
:'''Lara Van El''': What happened?
:'''Jor-El''': Brainiac tried to kill me. The police will be here soon. Remember when I told you what we'd do if worst came to worse?
:'''Lara Van El''': No!
:'''Jor-El''': I'm sorry. I never thought it would come to this.
:'''Sul-Van''': Come to what? What are you talking about? What's this nonsense about Brainiac?
:'''Jor-El''': Sul-Van, if you love your grandson and care one whit about his future, you'll kindly shut up!
:'''[[w:Lara-El|Lara-El]]''': Sleep, Kal-El, my beautiful child, my heartbeat, my life.
:'''Sul-Van''': Send Kal-El to another world? You can't be serious!
:'''Jor-El''': The ship will get him there. I know. I built it. It was part of the plan. Save everyone in the Phantom Zone, travel to Earth, then bring them back. Now it's only good for a lifeboat. And the passenger will be my son, the last son of Krypton. Lara!
:'''Lara Van El''': I'm ready. He's sedated.
:'''Jor-El''': The police are here. They'll break into the lab to get me. If I lead them away while you set up the launch--
:'''Lara Van El''': I can't do it all myself.
:'''Jor-El''': I'll be back. I promise.
:'''Sul-Van''': Lara, please, this is madness!
:'''Lara Van El''': Father, I love you dearly, but this is my baby's life.
:'''Sul-Van''': But he can't outrun the police.
:'''Lara Van El''': Do you have a better idea?
:'''Kryptonian Policeman''': See him? Not yet. They have the lights off. Wait! There's movement in the hover port. Look out! I hope his crash bags are working.
:''[after Kryptonian policeman shoot down fleeing Jor-El's hovercraft only to discover that it was in fact piloted by his father-in-law Sul-Van]''
:'''Sul-Van''': Good evening, officers. Is there a problem?
:'''Jor-El''': I've got the hyperspace coordinates locked in. Once he gets to Earth he'll be safe. Lara, I could send you with him. There's a risk, but if I have time to recalibrate the course...
:'''Lara Van El''': No, my love. I'm staying with you.
:'''Kryptonian Policeman''': Patrol's reporting in. Jor-El's escaped their perimeter. They're requesting further instructions.
:'''Brainiac''': It doesn't matter anymore. Farewell, Krypton.
:''[Brainiac goes offline]''
:'''Soldiers''': Hey, what's going on? Where'd he go? Where's Brainiac?
:''[Krypton gets yet another tremor]''
:'''Kryptonian Policeman''': Not another one?
:'''Sul-Van''': No, the last one.
:'''Jor-El''': Goodbye, Kal-EI.
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:'''Jor-El''': I built this rocket hoping it could carry our people to safety. Now, it will carry my son. The last son of Krypton.
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:'''Jonathan Kent''': Holy Christmas. What was that?
:''[Jonathan coughing]''
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Over there, Martha. Martha?
:''[Martha gasping]''
:'''Martha Kent''': Oh!
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Martha. Martha.
:'''Martha Kent''': Shh, you'll wake him.
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Whoa, Martha, what are you doing?
:'''[[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Jonathan Kent]]''': Put that thing back. We don't know where it came from.
:'''[[w:Jonathan and Martha Kent|Martha Kent]]''': He's not a thing, Jonathan. He's a baby. A little baby. Who would put a baby in a spaceship?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': That's just my point. Could be Russian A [[w:Sputnik|Sputnik]] maybe.
:'''Martha Kent''': Oh, really?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Maybe he's one of ours. You think NASA is missing a kid?
:'''Martha Kent''': I don't care where he came from. All I know is he needs us, Jonathan. Look how he's reaching out to you.
:''[Kal-El giggling]''
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Cute little fella. Got a good grip, too. Ow. Ow!
:'''Martha Kent''': What do you think of the name Christopher?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Now, Martha, let's discuss this.
:'''Martha Kent''': Or Kevin?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Martha.
:'''Martha Kent''': Or Kirk? I know. We can use my maiden name. What do you think of--
:'''Miss Stevenson''': 'Clark'. 'Clark Kent'.
:'''Kal-El''': Y-yes, Miss Stevenson?
:'''Miss Stevenson''': Looks like you've daydreamed your way to another perfect score.
:'''Lana Lang''': Once again, the boy genius performs to his usual standards.
:'''Miss Stevenson''': And so did you, Miss Lang.
:'''Lana Lang''': Ooh! For a guy who just aced his midterms, you don't look too happy. What's wrong, Clark?
:'''Kal-El''': Oh, I don't know. Lately, I'm feeling kind of weird.
:'''Lana Lang''': You've always been weird, if you ask me. Hey, it's Lana. You know, the girl who's had a crush on you since we were three. You can tell me.
:'''Kal-El''': It's just, in the last few months, I've been hearing things, you know? Things I couldn't before, like-like over there. Jenny's telling Pete Ross her folks are going out tonight.
:'''Lana Lang''': That little tart! You heard that?
:'''Kal-El''': And I can see things too, like in the gym... 'Miss Stevenson's inside putting up decorations for the dance'. Somebody should holding that ladder.
:'''Lana Lang''': You're saying you can see through walls? So, how many times have you peeked into the girls' locker room, huh?
:'''Kal-El''': Lana!
:'''Lana Lang''': I'm just kidding. Jeez!
:'''Kal-El''': It's not a joke, Lana. I'm going through a bad time.I thought if anybody'd understand, it'd be-- Listen!
:'''Lana Lang''': What is it?
:'''Kal-El''': Call an ambulance! There's gonna be an accident!
:'''Lana Lang''': What? How do you know? Clark!
:'''Mr. Fueler''': Huh? Hey, stop!
:'''Kal-El''': Aah!
:'''Annie''': Mommy!
:'''Annie's mom''': Annie!
:'''Annie''': Help me! Mom and Daddy!
:''[Annie screaming]''
:'''Lana Lang''': Oh, my God! Clark! Clark!
:'''Annie''': Mommy!
:'''Annie's mom''': Annie!
:''[Kal-El panting]''
:'''Lana Lang''': You're not even burned. How...?
:'''Kal-El''': I don't know. I'm getting stronger everyday, pa.
:'''Martha Kent''': 'Hello'?
:'''Kal-El''': And that's not the half of it. Look.
:'''Jonathan Kent''': It's getting hot. All you did was look at it.
:'''Kal-El''': I know.
:'''Martha Kent''': 'Yes, dear, I'll tell him'. That was Lana. Third time tonight, Clark. Won't you talk to her?
:'''Kal-El''': What can I say, ma? I don't even know how it happened. Suddenly I was running faster than I've ever run in my life. I ripped a camper apart like it was cardboard. The fire never touched me. I've always felt I was different, even before you and pa told me I was adopted, but how is it possible to do these things?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': I think it's time, Martha. We never showed you this, son. I guess we didn't know how to explain it. Still don't. You know how some babies are found in baskets? Well, this is how we found you.
:'''Kal-El''': You're kidding, right? You're not. So where did I come from?
:'''Martha Kent''': We don't know. There wasn't much inside, just some blankets and this.
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Never could get the darn thing open. Maybe you've got the magic touch.
:'''Kal-El''': What's happening?
:'''Jor-El''': Kal-EI?
:'''Kal-El''': Who?
:'''Jor-El''': Hello, son. You've activated the message we placed in your escape rocket. I am Jor-EI.
:'''Lara Van El''': And I am Lara. We are your parents.
:'''Jor-El''': By the time you see this, our world will have been gone for many years.
:'''Lara Van El''': You are the sole survivor of Krypton, a planet similar to Earth in many ways. This was our home.
:'''Kal-El''': No. No, it can't be true.
:'''Martha Kent''': It's hurting him.
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Let him be, Martha.
:'''Jor-El''': You may have discovered that you are much stronger and faster, than a normal human being.
:'''Kal-El''': I am a normal human being!
:'''Lara Van El''': Your Kryptonian body draws its strength from Earth's yellow sun.
:'''Jor-El''': It will give you abilities that no other human has.
:'''Kal-El''': I don't believe any of this.
:'''Lara Van El''': Some people will fear you, perhaps even try to destroy you. Despite this, you must never use your powers in anger.
:'''Jor-El''': Be brave, my son. Remember who you are and the legacy you carry inside you.
:'''Lara Van El''': We love you, Kal-EI. Always.
:'''Kal-El''': It's not true. I'm not a freak. I'm not. I'm not!
:'''Martha Kent''': Clark!
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Clark, come back!
:'''Kal-El''': Yes! Oh, yeah! Ma! Pa!
:'''Martha Kent''': Oh, Clark!
:'''Kal-El''': It's okay.
:'''Angela Chen''': Metropolis can boast of many amazing sights: The country's biggest bridge. The world's tallest building. But now it may have its most astonishing sight: A guardian angel. Just ask little Danitra Evans. She saw him.
:'''Danitra Evans''': I was fooling around the window when I lost my balance and fell. Suddenly this big blue angel with red wings came down and caught me. He put me on the ground and flew away. You should've heard my mommy scream.
:'''Angela Chen''': This is where they found Danitra, and that's where she fell from. Thirty floors up. If it wasn't an angel that saved her, what was it?
:'''Lois Lane''': Friendly pigeons.
:'''Man''': What's the matter, Lois? Don't believe in angels?
:'''Lois Lane''': It's TV, boys, just a trumped-up story to boost ratings.
:'''Man''': And maybe sell some papers?
:'''Lois Lane''': Chief, I spent a week on the docks with rats and frizzed hair, exposing the biggest gun-smuggling ring in years, and what makes the front page? Some sprouty, New Age, granola-crunching fluff piece on angels. What's next? Interviews with Bigfoot?
:'''[[w:Perry White|Perry White]]''': Good timing, Lois. I want you to be the first to know that I'm hiring a new guy on the city desk.
:'''[[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]]''': Is he cute?
:'''Perry White''': Um... you tell me.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[spins around and sees Clark]'' Oh, hi.
:'''Perry White''': This is the guy, Lois, Clark Kent from Smallville.
:'''Lois Lane''': Smallville? Never heard of it.
:'''[[w:Superman|Clark Kent]]''': Have you ever been to Kansas?
:'''Lois Lane''': God, no!
:'''Perry White''': I've been reading his stuff. It's good. I thought maybe he could tag along with you to get the lay of the land.
:'''Lois Lane''': I'd love to play den mother, but I got that Lexcorp story in half an hour.
:'''Perry White''': Oh, yeah, the great and benevolent Mr. Luthor, is demonstrating a new weapons system today. Usually, Lex is Lois' beat, but I'm sure she won't mind, having another set of eyes with her. Right, Lois?
:'''Lois Lane''': Look, Smallville, nothing against you, but even as a kid, I never liked baby-sitting. You wanna keep up with me, you gotta be quick. I'm no tour guide and I don't hold hands.
:'''Clark Kent''': You won't have to worry about that.
:'''Lois Lane''': Jimmy. Jimmy Olsen, say hello to Clark Kent.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': The new guy?
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Jimmy. I-I work as a copy boy. But I'm really a photographer.
:'''Clark Kent''': Good for you.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': I-if you got a minute, I'd like to show you my pictures.
:'''Clark Kent''': Well, not right--
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': They're hot, Mr. Kent. Really. I-I-I'm like fearless. You can ask miss Lane. She uses me all the time.
:'''Lois Lane''': Bye.
:'''Clark Kent''': So I see.
:'''Angela Chen''': You sure my nose isn't too shiny?
:'''Lois Lane''': 'Angela, don't tell me you're actually covering' a real news event. What happened? Run out of alien abductees?
:'''Angela Chen''': Hey, Lois, at least my network doesn't have to send two reporters to cover the same story. You'll have to introduce us some time.
:'''Clark Kent''': Thanks for the quote.
:'''Lois Lane''': How did you get here so fast?
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh, I just flew.
:'''Lois Lane''': What did you get?
:'''Clark Kent''': A shared byline if you use it.
:'''Lois Lane''': I apologize. You're not the rube hayseed I took you for.
:'''Clark Kent''': Thanks, I think.
:'''Female Reporter TV''': 'Ladies and gentlemen of the press' at the time, we invite everyone into the main hall for our special presentation.
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:'''Superman''': ''[Trying to save a plane, the tail he's holding rips off]'' Nice one, Clark.
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:'''Clark Kent''': Now that the terrorists have your prototype, the Pentagon is undoubtedly gonna want you to build a bigger and better version for them. When all is said and done, this could net you a multimillion dollar windfall.
:'''[[W:Lex Luthor|Lex Luthor]]''': Lois, it almost sounds as if your friend here is suggesting I should be glad that my suit was stolen. You're very amusing, Mr.... Kent, is it? Yes, I'll remember that.
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:'''Lois Lane''': Nice work, Smallville. You're only the second person I've ever seen get under Lex's skin.
:'''Clark Kent''': Who's the first?
:'''Lois Lane''': Me. When I dumped him.
:'''Clark Kent''': Whoa.
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:'''Lois Lane''': Listen, Bibbo. ''[Takes out some change]'' Take this and call Clark Kent at the Planet, let him know where I am, and tell him to call Police Commissioner Henderson if he doesn't hear from me in twenty minutes. Got that? ''Twenty minutes.''
:'''Bibbo Bibbowski''': Um...
:'''Lois Lane''': Thanks, Bibbo, I owe you one. ''[Leaves]''
:'''Bibbo Bibbowski''': Yeah, yeah, sure. ''[To himself]'' Call Kirk Kent, know about the boat, and said somethin' about the police... ''[Sees a soda machine]'' Hey! Soda. ''[Looks at change; shrugs]'' She'll be okay.
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:''[observing a picture of Superman]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Nice 'S'.
:'''Clark Kent''': Excuse me?
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:'''Clark Kent''': Now that I've moved to Metropolis, it's going to be impossible to keep a low profile.
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Yeah, I can see how pulling down an airliner in the middle of a city could turn a few heads.
:'''Clark Kent''': It's not just that. People are calling me "Superman" now. Does this mean I'm going to have to give up my life?
:'''Jonathan Kent''': No, son. It doesn't matter where you were born, or what you can do, you'll always be Clark Kent. Superman just helps out now and then.
:'''Martha Kent''': Still, it wouldn't be bad if people knew a little more about Superman. I don't want anyone thinking you're like that [[Batman: The Animated Series|nut in Gotham City]].
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:'''Lois Lane''': You sound too good to be true. What's your secret?
:'''Superman''': What do you mean?
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, you don't go around in blue tights and a cape all the time, do you? What do you do in your off hours?
:'''Superman''': I think that's a question for another time.
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:'''Superman''': Call the police and let them know what's happening. I'm gonna try and stop that thing.
:'''Lois Lane''': Be- ''[Superman flies off quickly]'' careful.
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:''[After a lengthy battle with Corben in the Lexo-Skel. Superman breaks in and rips Corben out of the seat, holding him up by the throat]''
:'''Superman''': Shall we go a few rounds without the suit?
:'''[[w:Metallo|John Corben]]''': Uh-uh.
:'''Superman''': Too bad.
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:''[Lex Luthor sees Superman hovering outside his bay window, silently staring at him]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': I'm afraid we already have a window washer.
:''[No response.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh, the silent treatment, eh? Well, I don't know what you thought you heard out there, but I know what you can prove, and it's nothing. ''[still no response]'' You see, uh... Super-man... I own Metropolis. My technology built it, my will keeps it going, and nearly two-thirds of its people work for me whether they know it or not. Even you have to admit, it's a model of efficiency. And yet, I've often thought... why limit myself to just one city? A being with your abilities could be very useful to me on a, shall we say, global scale? Why don't you float on in and we'll discuss it?
:''[Still no response.]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[loses his composure]'' Say something!
:''[He grabs the model of the Lexo-Skel Suit 5000 and hurls it at Superman, who catches it and crushes it into powder between his hands.]''
:'''Superman''': I'll be watching you, Luthor.
===''Fun and Games'' [1.4]===
:'''[[w:Toyman|Toyman]]''': I'm ever so sorry to spoil your nice celebration, but I have a very important message to your boss Mr. Mannheim. Please tell him the Toyman is calling timeout on his little games. And don't be tardy...
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:'''Bruno Mannheim''': That creep made me into a laughing stock! How could you let 'em get so close?
:'''Thug #1''': You wouldn't let us in the park, boss, remember?
:'''Thug #2''': You was afraid we'd scare the kids...
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:'''Toyman''': Miss Lane, pay attention to the story. And take good notes.
:''[Toyman hands Lois a kittykat style notepad suited for little girls. Toyman then shows a pop-up book]''
:'''Toyman''': It's a very sad story, one most people have forgotten. Once upon a time, there was a kindly man who loved nothing more than making toys. He wanted to build the most wonderful toy factory in all the world, only he had no money to pay for it. Then one day a man came along, a very bad man. ''[pop up of Bruno Mannheim holding a wad of cash and with devil horns]'' He offered to pay for the factory under one condition...
:''[Cut to Daily Planet office]''
:'''Headline''': TOYMAKER SENTENCED TO TEN YEARS
:'''Clark Kent''': "The factory became the front for a numbers racket. Although Bruno Mannheim was named as a suspect, he was never indicted. Only the toymaker, Winslow Schott, was convicted."
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Sounds like Bruno played him for a patsy.
:''[Cut to Toyman's hideout]''
:'''Toyman''': The bad man watched and laughed while the police locked the kindly toymaker in the dungeon forever. Clang!
:''[Cut to Daily Planet]''
:'''Clark Kent''': 2 to 1, Schott's our Toyman.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Uh, I don't think so, Clark. Take a look.
:''[Presents the obituary of Winslow Schott Sr.]''
:'''Clark Kent''': His obituary?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Poor guy. He died before making parole.
:'''Clark Kent''': Yeah, but he had a survivor.
:''[Cut to Toyman's hideout]''
:'''Toyman''': That's right, Miss Lane. The toymaker had a son. But without his father, the poor little boy was bounced from foster home to foster home, like a little toy that nobody wanted. A childhood is a terrible thing to lose, Miss Lane, but I'm getting mine back... with a vengeance.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': Little boys shouldn't play with sharp objects.
:'''Toyman''': Who invited you, Superman?
===''A Little Piece of Home'' [1.5]===
:''Helicopter lands atop a high rise with agents of the U.S. Treasury aboard''
:'''Treasury Agent''': OK, all set. Transfer of $100 plates from the U.S. Mint in Gotham to the U.S. Mint in Metropolis ready to occur.
:'''Hired Muscle''': Hand them over!
:''[Treasury agent complies]''
:'''Treasury Agent''': I hope you know that this building is under armed guard and police surviellance. There is no way you get down from here.
:''[Hired goon activates LexCorp jetpack and rocket boots and flies into air]''
:'''Hired Muscle''': Who said anything about going down?
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:''[Nito and Sam steal a diamond]''
:'''Sam Corali''': What do you think we'll get for it, Nito?
:'''Superman''': I'd say five to ten, with time off for good behavior.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sam Corali''': You know, he don't look so hot. Maybe we should help him.
:'''Nito Corali''': Sure, we'll send him a chicken soup. Come on!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': Well, next time you see one of my museums being robbed, call someone who can do something about it, like the police!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': You work for me, Peterson, don't forget that! There shouldn't be an opinion in your head that I haven't put there!
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:''[Clark stands in front of some rocks he thinks to be Kryptonite]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Nothing's happening.
:'''Old lady''': You were expecting them to dance for you?
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:'''Lex Luthor''': Actually I'm glad you came. I have a deal for you.
:'''Superman''': I'm listening.
:'''Lex Luthor''': As long as I have the rock, you can't stop me, but it is bothersome to have you always trying. So, the deal is this: you leave me and my operations alone, and I and my little green rock will leave you alone.
:'''Superman''': I don't make deals with criminals.
:'''Lex Luthor''': I control everything in this town, Superman. Your cooperation is not really necessary. The offer was merely a courtesy.
:'''Superman''': You will never control me, Luthor. Never! ''[takes off]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Well then, I guess I'll have to kill you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': The fact that your body chemistry absorbs the radiations so readily, leads me to believe that you share with it a point of origin.
:'''Superman''': You mean it came from Krypton?
:'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': More than likely it is Krypton, or rather a small piece of it. 'Kryptonite' if you will.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': Ah, Professor, Mercy will see you safely home now, won't you my dear?
:'''Professor Peterson''': Please, no! I-I-I mean, I can see myself home, really!
:'''Lex Luthor''': But I insist. Metropolis can be such a dangerous city, Peterson. I'd hate to wake up tomorrow and find out that something terrible had happened to you...
===''Feeding Time'' [1.6]===
:'''Commissioner Henderson''': She must have been delirious when our boys found her. She said something about being attacked by a purple monster.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Was its name Barney?
:'''Commissioner Henderson''': You're here to make 'haha', kid, or take pictures?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': I guess that's a 'no'...
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:'''[[w:Parasite (comics)|Parasite]]''': Don't you recognize me, Marty? It's your old doormat, Rudy Jones.
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:'''Superman''': What's happened to you?
:'''Parasite''': I don't know, Superman. It's as if I've turned into some kind of monster. Can you help me?
:'''Superman''': Let me take you back to S.T.A.R.. Maybe Professor Hamilton can treat you.
:'''Parasite''': Okay, Superman. Just don't hurt me.
:'''Superman''': I won't. Hang on. ''[offers his hand]''
:'''Parasite''': Oh, you can count on it!
:''[He grabs Superman and starts draining him, until Superman manages to push him away]''
:'''Parasite''': Man! What a rush! So that's what real power feels like.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': ''[to Superman]'' Good evening... ''dinner''.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Parasite''': Good to see you again, Superman - or should I say "Clark"? That's right, Kent. I got your powers, I got your thoughts, and I got your secret.
===''The Way of All Flesh'' [1.7]===
:'''Ralph''': Mr. Corben, I hope you don't mind me asking, but after all these months I just gotta know. How do you rate all this?
:'''John Corben''': Ralph, the trick is to [[w:Goodfellas|never underestimate the value of a good friend, and always keep your mouth shut]].
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:'''Lex Luthor''': I have a luncheon to attend, but I expect to hear the tragic news about him just before dessert.
:'''John Corben''': Dessert... I haven't had anything to eat or drink since the operation. Haven't wanted anything.
:'''Lex Luthor''': The only hunger you should have is for power, my friend. The only thirst, for revenge.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': ''[about Corben's new invulnerability]'' How did you do it, Corben? A drug? Some kind of operation?
:'''John Corben''': Elective surgery. Jealous?
:'''Superman''': Not likely. You're going back to prison.
:''[He tries to restrain Corben, but is met with surprisingly effective resistance]''
:'''John Corben''': I'm as strong as you are now!
:'''Superman''': Almost...
:'''John Corben''': No, ''stronger''! ''[A panel on Corben's chest opens, revealing a [[w:kryptonite|kryptonite]] heart and weakening Superman]'' What's the matter, guy? You're looking a little green at the gills. ''[He chuckles, and then knocks Superman backward with a single punch]'' I think you ''are'' jealous of me. Because now ''I'm'' the real Man of Steel!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''John Corben''': You humiliated me, Superman. Took me in by the scruff of my neck like I was a kid. Now it's payback time.
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:'''John Corben''': ''[after forcibly kissing Lois, shocked]'' I... I didn't feel anything.
:'''Lois Lane''': See if you feel this! ''[slaps him, but this hurts her hand as a loud metallic clank is heard]'' Ow!
:'''John Corben''': I... I can't even feel a kiss... What did they do to me?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''John Corben''': I want those adjustments ''now!''
:'''Doctor''': What... what adjustments?
:'''John Corben''': The ones Luthor told me about when I said I couldn't feel my hands! ''Those'' adjustments!
:'''Doctor''': Well, the adjustments were yours to make.
:'''John Corben''': Mine?! ''[slams his fist on the desk]'' You're telling me...?!
:'''Doctor''': There'll always be a certain numbness, a... lack of feeling. But you'll get used to it.
:'''John Corben''': I DON'T ''WANT'' TO GET USED TO IT! ''[grabs the desk and throws it across the room]''
:'''Doctor''': Mr. Corben, the operation gave you almost infinite strength. You can never get sick. You're invulnerable to injury. You'll never feel pain again!
:'''John Corben''': And what about ''pleasure'', hmm?!
:'''Doctor''': That... that was never part of the equation.
:'''John Corben''': ''[grabs him by the collar]'' Find me a body. Change me back. I have to ''feel!''
:'''Doctor''': ''[nervously]'' We... we can't. The transplant is permanent.
:''[Corben screams in insane rage and flings him aside, then approaches a mirror to observe the synthetic flesh covering his metallic body]''
:'''John Corben''': It's all fake... ''[starts tearing it away]'' A '''FRAUD!''' ''There's'' the reality! The metal behind the man! It's all I am now! It's ''who'' I am... ''[smashes mirror]'' [[w:Metallo|Metallo]].
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Young Woman''': It's so big, Mr. Luthor. I've never seen a yacht this size!
:'''Lex Luthor''': I've given the crew the day off, my dear, but the ship is fully automated. Shall we go for a short cruise?
:'''Metallo''': ''[entering]'' How's the caviar, Luthor? Rich and delicate? Just melts in your mouth, doesn't it?
:''[The young woman gasps in horror at Metallo's appearance]''
:'''Metallo''': You like my new look? I hope you do, because it's the last thing you'll ever see!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Is there a problem, John?
:'''Metallo''': ''[picks up an apple]'' I can't taste anymore! ''[crushes it in his hand]'' I can't smell! ''[grabs the flowers from the table and throws them to the floor, then approaches the young woman]'' Can't... can't...! ''[flings the table aside, then throws the young woman overboard]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': I know about Dr. Vale. It's just a matter of time before the police find them.
:'''Lex Luthor''': And what makes you think there's any of him left to find?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Superman reveals that Luthor deliberately had Corben infected with the virus]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't be a fool, Corben! Don't you see he's trying to turn us against each other to save his own skin?! Who knows what's in that vial?
:'''Metallo''': Then why don't we test it?! ''[tries to force-feed it to him]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': Corben, no! No...!
:'''Metallo''': Come on, Luthor, drink up! It did ''wonders'' for me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': You'll excuse me if I don't see you home.
:'''Lex Luthor''': You'll never pin this on me. The virus is destroyed and Corben's lost at sea, and even if you found him, there'd still be that kryptonite to worry about.
:'''Superman''': I don't think ''I'm'' the one that should be worrying...
:''[As Superman flies away, Luthor turns to look towards the sea with uncertainty. Down in the depths, Metallo is shown to be still alive and walking back towards the shore]''
===''Stolen Memories'' [1.8]===
:'''Councilman''': So, Mr. Luthor, how long did you intend to keep your rendezvous a secret? In case you haven't heard, there's a thing known as "national security."
:'''Lex Luthor''': There's also a thing known as "free enterprise". It was LexCorp that scanned the heavens, it was LexCorp that made contact and it will be LexCorp that reaps the benefits.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[W:Brainiac_(comics)|Brainiac]]''': I apologize for any discomfort, but it was important that I accurately gauge your powers.
:'''Superman''': Why? Morbid curiosity?
:'''Brainiac''': Curiosity, yes. Morbid, hardly. You see, we have more in common than you could possibly know, Kal-El.
:'''Superman''': How do you know my name? Have you been to Krypton?
:'''Brainiac''': I ''am'' Krypton.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brainiac''': In all my travels, I have never encountered another quite like you. We would make a formidable pair, we twin sons of Krypton. Join me, Kal-El. Help me explore the galaxies and collect knowledge, and I will give you memories of Krypton. You will know your world as if you lived there yourself.
:'''Superman''': But Earth is my home now.
:'''Brainiac''': Powers such as yours should not be confined to a single infinitesimal dot. Consider my offer. In exchange for this world, I am offering you the universe.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': It was several hours after I touched the orb that I saw the images. It's too soon to trust him completely.
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' I never trust ''anyone'' completely. Since Brainiac arrived, I've had him targeted from land base platforms with a payload of six and a half megatons. Enough firepower to incinerate Metropolis county.
:'''Superman''': "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."
:'''Lex Luthor''': Precisely. Although in your case, I'll make an exception.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': You destroyed those planets, didn't you? And every living soul on them!
:'''Brainiac''': Only their knowledge was important. It was what I was programmed to collect and protect.
:'''Superman''': But why kill?
:'''Brainiac''': The fewer beings who have the knowledge, the more precious it becomes.
:'''Superman''': You're insane!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brainiac''': You are your father's son, Kal-El. Headstrong, foolish, easily defeated and ultimately forgotten.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Programmer''': It'll take years to rebuild these systems.
:'''Lex Luthor''': You have two weeks.
===''The Main Man'' [1.9-10]===
:'''[[w:Lobo (DC Comics)|Lobo]]''': ''[burps]'' I'm giving you geeks ten seconds before I frag everything in sight! One... ''[shows his gun]'' TEN!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': ''[tasting a flowing liquid]'' Old weasel spit.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': Hey, how's it goin', chief? Maybe you can help me, I'm new in town and I'm looking to find this geek here.
:'''Desk Cop''': Superman? We don't keep tabs on him. He only shows up if there's trouble.
:'''Lobo''': ''[grins]'' I can do trouble.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]]''': I'm confused, Kent. See, I've lived in Metropolis most of my life and I can't figure out how some yokel from Smallville is suddenly getting every hot story in town.
:'''[[w:Superman|Clark Kent]]''': Well, Lois, the truth is, I'm actually Superman in disguise and I only pretend to be a journalist in order to hear about disasters as they happen, and then squeeze you out of the byline.
:'''Lois Lane''': You're a sick man, Kent.
:'''Clark Kent''': You asked.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Lobo waits for Superman, firing a high-powered weapon around the police station room to attract his attention.]''
:'''Lobo''': ''[yawns]'' Ah, this is gettin' lame. I thought he'd be here by now. Whoa, mosquito! ''[Fires weapon]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lobo''': Finally! Been tryin' to get in touch with you all day.
:'''Superman''': Who are you?!
:'''Lobo''': Oh, I'm sorry. My card. ''[punches Superman in the face]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lobo''': The name's Lobo. That's L as in "Lacerate", O as in "Obliterate", B as in "disem-Bowel" and O as in, uh... Well, I guess I can use "Obliterate" twice, huh? What do you think?
:'''Superman''': I think you're a certifiable madman.
:'''Lobo''': Thanks.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[Regarding the damage done to the LexCorp building]'' Get maintenance teams on every floor. Put them on round the clock shifts if you have to, but I want all repairs completed...
:'''Lobo''': ''[Crashing through the floor and bursting through the ceiling; yelling]'' KILL, MAIM, FRAG, DESTROY!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Immediately!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Give him one for me. MAKE IT A DOZEN!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': Holy fragarolli! F-feels like I'm being torn apart! Cool.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': It's always sweeter collecting a reward knowing that you beat some other geek out of it.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lobo''': You actually ''care'' about them geeks!
:'''Superman''': They're human beings.
:'''Lobo''': Yeah, well, they're gonna have to make do without their big blue babysitter from now on. You see, someone's paying me a heap of cash for your carcass, and the Main Man ''always'' delivers.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lobo''': ''[about to attack Superman]'' Now, the more you move, the worse it'll hurt. So feel free to go crazy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': Okay, frag-face, let's tango!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': Oh, yeah. Somebody's definitely tired of breathing. Show yourself, you slimy geekwad!
:'''Preserver''': I am the Preserver.
:'''Lobo''': And I'm the night manager at the Hotel de Frag. Lookie there; it's checkout time.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''The Preserver''': There is one more creature I would like to add to my collection: The last Czarnian.
:'''Lobo''': Ha! That's rich! ''I'm'' the last Czarnian! ''[to Superman]'' I fragged the whole planet for my high school science project. Gave myself an "A".
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': You know, I believe that Lois gal might be getting a tad lonely now that you're doing time in a cosmic donalds hiccups Maybe I go back and cheer her up.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': It might take me a week, it might take me ten years, but I'm gonna bust out, and kick that big red "S" of yours all over the galaxy! Right after I'm done nuking the Earth into GUACAMOLE! And that's a promise!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lobo''': ''[after Superman frees him]'' Hey, Blue, thanks.
:''[Lobo punches Superman]''
:'''Superman''': What was that for?!
:'''Lobo''': Didn't want you to think I'm going soft on ya.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Superman and Lobo hiding from robots' laser fire]''
:'''Superman''': We need a decoy to draw their fire.
:'''Lobo''': ''[shoving Superman out in front of the robots]'' Eee-lected!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': I'm staying to feed Wrinkles 31 different flavors of pain.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': Oh, whoop-de-fraggin'-do.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': Sqweek, old buddy, you're about to witness my good deed for this century.
:'''Sqweek''': You're gonna let me go?
:'''Lobo''': Hah, funny...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lobo''': I guess that boy is just a sucker for hard luck cases...
===''My Girl'' [1.11]===
:'''Lois Lane''': Look at that. Tuh! The only thing holding ''that'' dress up is faith.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': It's the paparazzi wolves trying to get a scent of Lex's latest lady friend. Not that I read the gossip columns or anything, but I hear they're quite an item. Maybe I should warn her about him... nah.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': "L.L."? Lana Lang?
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't tell me you know her?
:'''Clark Kent''': We used to date.
:'''Lois Lane''': Get out!
:'''Clark Kent''': In high school.
:'''Lois Lane''': She's certainly come up in the world since then. ''[Clark gives her a look]''... From Smallville, I mean.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lana Lang''': Put me down, you fashion-disabled amazon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lizzie and Big Susan empty their guns at Superman, without effect]''
:'''Superman''': Maybe you ladies haven't heard about me.
:'''Big Susan''': Yeah, we heard... ''[throws Lana out of the elevator]'' You like to save people!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lana Lang''': Hmm. Red, blue, yellow. Primary, but it works in a superheroish kind of way. Let me guess, Martha sewed it for you.
:'''Superman''': What?!
:'''Lana Lang''': By the way, ''Clark'', how are the folks?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lana Lang''': ''[When trying to convince Superman to team up against Lex]'' Don't forget you still have me.
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh no I don't. It's too dangerous.
:'''Lana Lang''': But we make such a perfect team.
:'''Clark Kent''': No!
:'''Lana Lang''': I can be your trusty side-kick. Your Dr. Watson. Your Batgirl.
:'''Clark Kent''': Definitely not!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lana Lang''': Where's Mercy?
:'''Mr. Eelan''': Sorry. No mercy tonight.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Lana, you know that I really care about you. You're like...
:'''Lana Lang''': Clark Kent, I swear if you say 'I'm like a sister to you,' I'm going back to Lex!
:'''Clark Kent''': Sorry, but I know you'll find that special person some day.
:'''Lana Lang''': So will you. You deserve it. Someone quiet, understanding, patient...
:'''Lois Lane''': Hey Smallville! Get your tail in here, Perry's got an assignment for us.
:'''Lana Lang''': Remember, if you ever change your mind about me, feel free to fly on up any time.
===''Tools of the Trade'' [1.12]===
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': What's your boss want in return?
:'''Kanto''': Nothing... for now.
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': It's my experience that 'nothing' can be very expensive...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cpt. Maggie Sawyer''': Dan is a difficult man to work with.
:'''Clark Kent''': Think he'll come back?
:'''Cpt. Maggie Sawyer''': If I had a dime for every time Dan turned in his badge I would have enough money to make Lex Luthor look like a pauper.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': Do you know what having this gun means, Turpin?
:'''Dan Turpin''': I can take it off your Christmas list?
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': I'm gonna own this town, Turpin! I'm gonna own the world!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lois rushes into the elevator and starts frantically pressing the button]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Coming through! Big train wreck, five miles north, someone was standing on the tracks and right now I wish it was the guy who built this STUPID ELEVATOR!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Angela Chen''': "We?" Well, it looks like Superman saved your skin again.
:'''Superman''': Other way around! If it wasn't for Dan Turpin, I wouldn't be standing here tonight. Thanks.
:'''Det. Daniel Turpin''': Anytime pal.
:''[People takes Turpin seriously, as it was'' Turpin ''who saved Superman from certain death at the hands of Kanto and Mannheim]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Where's Mannheim?
:'''Det. Daniel Turpin''': I think he's Somewhere beyond our jurisdiction.
:''[Cut to Mannheim following Kanto in a strange place of fire and brimstone]''
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': Where in God's name are we?
:'''Kanto''': That depends. Which 'god' are you talking about?
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': Listen buddy, I'm through with these games, I want some answers! You're gonna tell me who you work for?!
:''[Kanto shows Bruno Mannheim who's master was. Cut to Darkseid standing atop a pillar]''
:'''Darkseid''': Welcome to Apokolips, Mr. Mannheim.
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': Who are you?
:'''Darkseid''': Your new Lord and Master. You may call me... [[:Darkseid]].
:''[Mannheim quivers in fear]''
===''Two's a Crowd'' [1.13]===
:'''Parasite''': Why should I help you? You're the one who put me here.
:'''Superman''': Rudy, the whole city's in trouble.
:'''Parasite''': Tell somebody who cares.
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': The bomb could blow up a huge area of Metropolis. What if that includes Stryker's Island?
:'''Parasite''': What if it does? Think I'd miss this life of mine, these four stinkin' walls? You want me to go into this guy's mind and try to find out where the bomb is. No skin off my nose. But I want something in return.
:'''Superman''': What's that?
:'''Parasite''': Something to help the time go faster in this dump... and not a bunch of boring books, either. I want cable, ''and'' the premium channels.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': Rudy, can you hear me? Did you find out where the bomb is?
:'''Earl Garver''': ''[in Parasite's body]'' I know where it is, all right. But you still have to pay.
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': Sounds like... Garver!
:'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': Rudy?
:'''Earl Garver''': ''[in Parasite's body]'' Sorry, Emil. I put Rudy on the back burner. You're cooking with Earl now!
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': What's happening?
:'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': The Parasite has somehow taken Garver's consciousness, not just his memories.
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': How?
:'''Professor Emil Hamilton''': Garver's intellect, his ego, his force of personality. It all must have combined to overwhelm--
:'''Earl Garver''': What's it going to be?
:'''Superman''': You're still stuck here, Garver, and you don't even know what hospital you're in. If that bomb goes off, there's a good chance you'll go with it. ''Both'' of you. ''[gestures towards Garver's comatose body]''
:'''Rudy Jones''': ''[speaking to Garver in his mind]'' Come on, man, what are you waiting for? They got you. Cooperate and they'll treat you real good.
:'''Superman''': You'll never get away, Garver.
:'''Earl Garver''': Ah, the best laid plans...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Earl Garver''': ''[in Parasite's body]'' Two minutes. That's all you've got. Now come over here and hold out your hand like a good boy.
:'''Superman''': Shut it off. You'll be killed too.
:'''Earl Garver''': Will I? My real body is miles north of here, resting peacefully in an ambulance.
:'''Superman''': Hear that, Rudy? He's willing to sacrifice you.
:'''Earl Garver''': It'll never come to that.
:'''Superman''': He's already taken control of your body, Rudy. What do you think he's going to do with your mind?
:''[Inside the Parasite's mind, Rudy confronts Garver]''
:'''Rudy Jones''': You gonna crowd me out, Garver? Is ''that'' where this is going?!
:'''Earl Garver''': Rudy, you're a loser without me. It's this or the cell.
:'''Rudy Jones''': Some choice!
==Season 2==
===''Blasts from the Past'' [2.1-2]===
:'''Mala''': I am Mala, Superman's second in command. I offer you my promise that to this world that I will follow in Superman's tradition of just rule with a fair hand.
:'''Lois Lane''': I thought I was career minded.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': I care for everyone... though you're pushing it right now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jax-Ur''': I must say it seems a shame to kill the one other survivor of Krypton. I'd offer you a place in our new order, but something tells me you'd turn it down.
:'''Superman''': Guess you're not as dumb as you look.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jax-Ur''': Your father was a clever man, though I see you share his poor judgment in choosing sides.
:'''Superman''': Glad to disappoint you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': It must hurt your fingers, clamping down on my throat like that...
:'''Mala''': I'll live.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': I'm gonna personally lead the army that vaporizes you two.
:'''Mala''': Or vice-versa. Either way, see you soon.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jax-Ur''': Look at it this way, Kal-El: death is better than the Phantom Zone.
:'''Superman''': I'll take your word for it.
===''The Prometheon'' [2.3]===
:'''[[W:Professor Hamilton|Professor Emil Hamilton]]''': What do you have against him, Hardcastle?
:'''General Hardcastle''': He's an alien. He has no allegiance, no jurisdiction. I don't trust what I can't control, Hamiliton, and I don't like what I can't trust.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[After an explosion]''
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Sonic boom? Earthquake?
:'''Lois Lane''': Maybe Perry had chili for lunch again.
===''Speed Demons'' [2.4]===
:'''Superman''': Save it for the race.
:'''Flash''': Don't worry about me, pal. I've got more than enough heat to beat your sorry...
:'''Mayor''': Ahem...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Flash''': Swanky, but you don't need a satellite to see who's gonna win this race.
:'''Superman''': Shut up and run.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Flash! Do you really think you stand a chance against the Man of Steel?
:'''[[W:The_Flash|The Flash]]''': Man of Steel, Feet of lead!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Slow down, a ship's in trouble.
:'''Flash''': Yeah, nice try, Supes. ''[Notices Superman is gone]'' Hey! Wait for me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Flash''': Unusual weather we're having.
:'''Superman''': You had to say it.
===''Livewire'' [2.5]===
:'''Leslie Willis''': What's the deal with you and Superman, huh?
:'''Lois Lane''': What are you talking about?
:'''Leslie Willis''': Come on, you're always getting exclusives with him. Just how ''exclusive'' are you two?
:''[Clark Kent clears his throat nervously]''
:'''Lois Lane''': It's not like that.
:'''Leslie Willis''': Oh it's not, huh? Ah, I guess we'll never know if his pj's have that big red S on them too.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Leslie Willis''': Look, babe, to make it in this town, I had to be better, sharper and louder than any man to get half as much notice. And nothing was handed to me on a silver platter either, unlike your friend Superman!
:'''Lois Lane''': Some attitude you have there.
:'''Leslie Willis''': Eh, it pays the bills.
:''[A thunderstorm starts outside]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Hmm. Looks like Mother Nature isn't one of your faithful fans.
:'''Leslie Willis''': She'll come around. Everybody else does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': That's enough, Miss Willis.
:'''Leslie Willis''': Not "Miss Willis" anymore! Meet her replacement: ''[transforms her hospital gown into an electricity-themed suit]'' [[w:Livewire (comics)|Livewire]]! Neat, huh? I ionized the air around me. Pretty form-fitting, don't you think?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Perry White''': Boy, this sure brings back the old days. When I was your age we didn't have computers or fax machines or--
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, yeah, and you walked ten miles in your bare feet to work every day.
:''[Livewire appears on screens]''
:'''Livewire''': Hello, Metropolis! The tower of power is back, coming at you at about, oh, a gazillion megahertz. Now, you may have noticed I restored ''some'' power to the city. I've done this so that you, my adoring and helpless public, can gaze upon ''moi'', your lovely queen of all media. Actually, I pretty much ''am'' the media now, seeing as I've taken complete control, so don't touch that dial, Metropolis. Because if you ever want your phone back, your lights, your talk shows, your home shopping channels and your stupid little lives, then you're gonna have to deal with me!
:'''Perry White''': Typical. Today the airwaves....
:'''Lois Lane''': Tomorrow the world.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Livewire''': ''[after being tackled by Superman]'' At least now we know you hit girls!
===''Identity Crisis'' [2.6]===
:'''Boy #1''': What if he dies?
:'''Boy #2''': I'm not telling his mom.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman Imposter''': All right. Who wants to explain what you were doing up there?
:'''Tommy''': They dared me!
:'''Boy #2''': We didn't think you'd do it!
:'''Superman Imposter''': I know it's tough to turn down a dare, but sometimes being brave means using your head and not doing something dangerous just cause other kids pressure you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Er, thanks, Super... man...
:'''Superman Imposter''': Maybe you two should leave the dirty work to the authorities, hmm?
:'''Clark Kent''': Er, I...
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, right... Have you ever known me to play it safe?
:'''Superman Imposter''': ''[ponders]'' I suppose not. We should have a word about that. Maybe over dinner?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman Imposter''': It's a date.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[Imposter flies off]'' A date? ''[seems to realizing that Superman likes her]'' Huh. Must be this new perfume.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Hey, Smallville, you alright?
:'''Clark Kent''': Er, yeah. A little shaken up, I guess. You go on ahead, Lois, I feel like... walking it off.
:'''Lois Lane''': Are you nuts?! We're miles from nowhere! What about the story?
:'''Clark Kent''': You know us country bumpkins... 10 miles to school and all that...
:'''Lois Lane''': Your loss! My byline...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': ''[to Superman Imposter]'' Excuse me. I know you're a busy guy, but I'm dying to get your autograph.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bizarro''': I... have... problem.
:'''Lex Luthor''': My friend, I would call that an understatement.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lois is on the roof top of the Daily Planet then a shadow figure shows up Lois assume it was Superman]''
:'''Lois Lane''': I wasn't sure you'd really come. ''[the shadow figure comes out revealing to be not Superman, but Bizarro]''
:'''Bizarro''': Me remember. ''[Lois is shocked at the sight of Bizarro]'' Me need Lois help. Don't be afraid, me never hurt you. ''[Superman arrives]''
:'''Superman''': I heard about our date, Lois. Problem is you've made it with the wrong guy.
:'''Bizarro''': Imposter! Stay back, Lois! Me protect you! ''[pushes Superman to the Daily Planet statue causing it to break off the stand and fall off]''
<hr width=50%/>
''[While Superman goes to stop the Daily Planet statue from falling on the streets, Bizarro approaches Lois which she backs away in response]''
:'''Bizarro''': Lois. ''[Lois backs away too far causing her to slip and fall from the edge but Bizarro saves her]'' Don't worry, me save Lois. Me always save Lois. Me hero. ''[As Bizarro flies away with Lois, Superman puts the Daily Planet Statue back into place and begins searching for Bizarro and Lois when he realized their gone]''
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Lois sees cryonic tubes full of Superman clones]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Your own army of Supermen?!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Precisely Miss Lane. Do you remember when your admirer fought the mechanical dinosaur?
:'''Lois Lane''': Gosh, how could I forget it?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Well, he was so weakened from the Kryptonite he actually bled. And from those few humble drops of blood my scientists have been able to clone his Kryptonian DNA. Remarkable.
:'''Lois Lane''': All accountable to you! Let me guess, world domination?
:''[Lex Luthor guffaws]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, too obvious! Rather, I plan to share my services with anyone who calls the LexCorp hotline. Anyone who needs saving, gets it. For a fee, of course. They would be on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. ''[motions to Bizarro]'' All except this...technical difficulty.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Bizarro''': What am me?
:'''Mercy Graves''': Bizarro, that's what you ''am''.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Mercy!
:'''Bizarro''': Bizarro? That not my name!
:'''Mercy Graves''': If the shoe fits, handsome...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bizarro''': No Bizarro! Me am Superman! Me show!
:''[Bizarro smashes roof]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[To Mercy]'' That's coming out of your pay.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Superman saves some people at a wedding from a falling crane]''
:'''Superman''': Don't ask me. I just catch 'em.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bizarro''': Me am Superman! Me am hero!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Sorry, my friend, but you am toast.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Bizarro''': ''[Struggling to support crumbling roof]'' Me hold... you go. Me no am Superman. ''You'' am Superman! Superman - save Lois!
:'''Lois Lane''': You ''are'' a hero.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Do you think he survived?
:'''Superman''': I don't know. I've never been in a half kiloton blast. I hope he did. He turned out to have a good heart.
:'''Lois Lane''': Well, naturally. He came from good stock.
===''Target'' [2.7]===
:'''Lois Lane''': I'm not just "one of the other reporters". This was an attempt on my life, you know?
:'''Detective Kurt Bowman''': You really wanna be helpful? Try making a list of all the people who might wanna see you dead. And try to keep it to one page.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[After kicking Lytener]'' Daddy was a black belt!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Someday though it'd be nice to see you when I wasn't about to be killed.
:'''Superman''': Someday...
===''Mxyzpixilated'' [2.8]===
:'''Superman''': I can't even say your name forward. How am I supposed to say it backward?
:'''[[W:Mr._Mxyzptlk|Mr. Mxyzptlk]]''': No, dope! You don't have to say it backwards! You've got to get ''me'' to say it!
:'''Superman''': Say what?
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': '''KLTPZYXM!''' ''Gosh'', you're thick! Now, for the last time- ''[realizes his mistake]'' Ah, nuts. ''[disappears]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': Your three months are up. And ''this'' time, you're not gonna cheat me out of my fun!
:'''Clark Kent''': Oh, it's you again, Mr. Kltpzyxm.
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': Not Kltpzyxm! Mxyzptlk! Now the first thing I'm gonna do- ''[realizes]'' Oh, nuts! ''[disappears]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Look, little guy, I'm tired of this. If it's a fight you want...
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': Oh, it is, it is!
:'''Clark Kent''': Fine. First let me proofread this article, and I'll meet you on the roof in twenty minutes.
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': No stalling! I'll edit the rag for ya. ''[looks over the article, then quickly crosses out the incorrect letters, which spell "KLTPZYXM"]'' There. ''[vanishing again]'' Hey, what?! NO-!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[After Mxyzptlk goes to defeat Superman, piloting a giant robot that took him three months to build]''
:'''Gsptlsnz''': Five, four, three...
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': ''[reappears]'' '''NUTS, NUTS, NUTS!''' ''[to Gsptlsnz]'' Not ''one'' word.
===''Action Figures'' [2.9]===
:'''Lois Lane''': Sarita and Bobby, right?
:'''Sarita Felix''': Who are you?
:'''Lois Lane''': My name is Lois Lane, I'm a newspaper reporter. I'd just like to ask you a few questions.
:'''Bobby Felix''': ''[suspiciously]'' About what?
:'''Lois Lane''': About that robot - the one that saved that trucker's life a few days ago? Someone said you might have been there.
:'''Bobby Felix''': They lied! ''[shuts the door on her]''
:'''Lois Lane''': I'll just put that down as a "no comment".
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Metallo|Metallo]]''': Lois Lane. I'd give you a kiss, if I still had my lips.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Let go of me, you walking waffle iron!
:'''Metallo''': Now, now. Not in front of the children.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': You're not going to get away with this, Corben.
:'''Metallo''': Miss Lane, please, such cliches! How ever did you win that [[w:Pulitzer Prize|Pulitzer]]?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': Nice spacesuit. When I'm done with you, you'll wish you ''were'' on the moon.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': ''[half-buried in lava]'' It's so still and dark. No sound, no light. Nothingness. My mind... I cannot let it drift. I must remember. I am Metallo... I am Metallo...
===''Double Dose'' [2.10]===
:''[A janitor is listening to his Walkman]''
:'''[[w:Livewire (comics)|Livewire]]''': Psst! Hey, Mr. Clean!... Yow, Rap Master Danny?... '''HEY, STUPID!'''
:'''Janitor''': ''[takes his headphones off]'' Huh?
:'''Livewire''': I love a man who knows his limitations...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Livewire''': Argh! You smell like fish!
:'''[[w:Parasite (comics)|Parasite]]''': So? Hold your nose. ''[reaches out towards her]''
:'''Livewire''': Uh-uh. You can look, but don't touch.
:'''Parasite''': Don't be afraid. I know how to control my power.
:'''Livewire''': That's what they ''all'' say.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Livewire''': You stupid sleaze! I'm pure electricity, 186,000 miles per second. If I say no, it means NO!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[About Superman's plastic coating]''
:'''Livewire''': Well, what do you know? The boy scout brought protection.
:'''Parasite''': That ain't fair!
:'''Superman''': I didn't realize there were rules.
:'''Livewire''': Tear it off!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Livewire''': ''[after the plastic coating is destroyed]'' Uh-oh! "Do not use if plastic seal is broken"! Heh-heh!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Livewire''': ''[to Superman]'' Yeah, blue-boy, this has been a long time coming. Get ready to snap, crackle and pop!
:''[The Parasite grabs her]''
:'''Livewire''': Hey! What do you think you're--?! ''[screams as she is drained]''
:'''Parasite''': I want him alive so can keeping feeding off him - and you too. You've said no to me for the last time, baby.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Parasite''': Janitor's closet. Dead end, Superman. Believe me, I know.
:''[The weakened Superman swings a mop at him]''
:'''Parasite''': Ooh, now I'm scared.
:''[He sets the mop on fire with a lightning bolt and laughs - only for Superman to smirk and hold the flames towards a sprinkler]''
:'''Parasite''': NO!
:''[The sprinklers activate, soaking and short-circuiting him]''
===''Solar Power'' [2.11]===
:''[Lytener is escaping from prison]''
:'''Guard''': That's close enough, Lytener.
:'''Edward Lytener''': Close enough to ''what''? I'm not even here. ''[He vanishes]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luminus''': Don't feel bad, Lois. It's not personal this time. I have bigger fish to fry and frankly you're just bait.
:'''Lois Lane''': Oh yeah, that makes me feel loads better.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Luminus''': ''[to Superman]'' You'll realize what I've done to you soon enough. See you soon ''[vanishes]'' even if you don't see me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[On the phone]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Come on, Lex! Those are your satellites up there and Lytener worked for you before, how do you expect me to believe you have nothing to do with it?
:''[in his office, Lex is practicing with a bow and arrow]''
:'''Lex Luthor''': What you believe makes little difference to me. The fact is I did provide Lytener resources while behind bars, but only to legitimate LexCorp research. I had no idea he'd escape and I certainly didn't tell him to highjack my satellites to his own revenge.
:'''Lois Lane''': Heck, why not? You'd love to see Superman dead!
:'''Lex Luthor''': Oh please, Lois, forget that I'm losing millions in communication's revenues, do you really think I'd jeopardize the welfare of the planet just to settle my personal grudge with Superman? ''[Luthor shoots an arrow and hits the bullseye, then grins]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luminus''': Getting weaker, I see. You must be at—what? Half strength by now?
:'''Superman''': Wanna try me?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': And how are holograms suppose to kill me?
:'''Luminus''': Well, we might only be made of light, but so are lasers.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Look! Up in the sky!
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': It's a bird!
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, but what's it sitting on?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': If you had an invisible door, would you bother to lock it?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Luminus''': Get those lights out of my eyes!
:'''Superman''': ''[turning him over]'' You heard him. Put him somewhere nice and dark.
===''Brave New Metropolis'' [2.12]===
:'''Alternate Lex Luthor''': ''[Referring to Lois Lane]'' The insolence. The outright rudeness. She's definitely the genuine article.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Hey, I'm not finished!
:'''Alternate Lex Luthor''': I beg to differ.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alternate Angela Chen''': Lois? Lois Lane? My God, it's you, it's really you! You're alive, after all these years! Can you loan me a dollar?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': So, I am Lois Lane, but I'm not the Lois Lane that you knew...
:'''Alternate Superman''': Ever since you- she died I've wondered if there were other dimensions out there. Other versions of me... and you.
:'''Lois Lane''': Hold it! I may be a lot like your Lois, but you're nothing like the Superman I know! He's no tyrant.
:'''Alternate Superman''': I had to take control, there was no other way. For too long I fooled myself into thinking I was just doing a simple clean-up job. And if I did enough good, people would follow my example. I didn't realize it was a war. And suddenly you were a casualty of that war. And I knew I had to stop it by whatever means possible.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alternate Superman''': You never knew what I felt about you. I never knew, till you were gone.
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[slaps him]'' You could've said something. We could've talked about it and figured it out! Now look at you... married to Luthor...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alternate Superman''': I never thought I'd lose you... twice.
:'''Lois Lane''': Will it change anything?
:'''Alternate Superman''': For me, but not for Metropolis. Not this time.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[After Lois was returned back to her world]''
:'''Superman''': So that was me?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yes. And... no. It-it's complicated. I could explain it over dinner.
:'''Superman''': Dinner? Are we getting a little personal?
:'''Lois Lane''': Better now than never...
===''Monkey Fun'' [2.13]===
:'''Colonel Sam Lane''': Lois, it's time.
:'''Lois Lane''': No! No, I won't let you take him!
:'''Colonel Sam Lane''': But, Lois, you knew one day Titano would have to leave us. He has to go on his mission now.
:'''Lois Lane''': But can't you send Lucy into space instead?
:'''Lucy Lane''': I'll go!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': [[w:Titano|Titano]]! Remember me? Lolo?
:'''Clark Kent''': Lolo?!
:'''Lois Lane''': I was eight, okay?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Looks like you're just what the doctor ordered... Lolo.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': No, Titano, put down that vase! Give me back the remote! Come down from there! ''[to herself]'' Sure was easier to have a monkey in a house where mom did the cleaning...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Er, Jimmy, think you could keep an eye on him for a hour or two?
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Me?
:'''Lois Lane''': You've got to take the photos anyway, and I know they'll be terrific.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': But...
:'''Lois Lane''': It's just like babysitting... with fleas.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bibbo Bibbowski''': All right, Cheetah, you asked for it. ''[slaps giant Titano with a newspaper]'' Bad monkey! Bad, bad monkey!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': Criminals, madmen and aliens we can handle, but this?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Jimmy and Lois are looking for Beppo]''
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': You're sure it's in here?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yes, I'm sure, so shut up and keep squeezing the monkeys!
===''Ghost in the Machine'' [2.14]===
:'''Clark Kent''': I wonder what new toy Luthor is showing off for the brass today.
:'''Lois Lane''': Whatever it is I’m sure it’s going to wind up on all their Christmas lists...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mercy Graves''': What would you do without me?
:'''Lex Luthor''': Let's hope it never comes to that.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Hey, Lex, what went wrong? Premature product launch?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Sabotage?
:'''Clark Kent''': Has to be. Luthor's too careful to foul up like that.
:'''Lois Lane''': But who'd want to destroy Luthor? ''[Clark stares]'' Well, yeah. But who'd be crazy enough to try?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brainiac''': I needed a way of attracting your attention.
:'''Lex Luthor''': There is always email.
:'''Brainiac''': I have been using these robots to rebuild my damaged frame, but they are far too crude to complete the job. For that, I need your hands, and your brilliance.
:'''Lex Luthor''': You flatter me, Brainiac, but I already have a day job. ''[Brainiac seals door, but Lex keeps his calm]'' I am the CEO of one of the world's foremost multinational corporations. Do you not think someone will notice I am missing?
:'''Brainiac''': No one is irreplaceable. Allow me to demonstrate.
:''[Brainiac generates a hologram of Lex Luthor sitting in his office, then accesses phone lines]''
:'''Mercy Graves''': Hello?
:'''Hologram''': Miss Graves, I am still conducting my investigation and I do not wish to be disturbed.
:'''Mercy Graves''': Yes sir.
:''[Mercy hangs up phone while the real Lex Luthor watches in horror]''
:'''Brainiac''': Well then, shall we begin?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Brainiac''': Why are you stopping?
:'''Lex Luthor''': I'm not some infernal machine. I'm human. I need food and rest.
:'''Brainiac''': There is no time for rest, but if it's food you need.
:''[Brainiac uses a robot to break open a vending machine. Lex treats the candy bars like a feast, then looks in shock at his reflection in a metal shard, which shows a stubbly face and raccoon eyes, a far cry from the powerful CEO image he shows to the public]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Maybe he should make time. ''[He goes towards Luthor's office door]''
:'''Mercy Graves''': Hey! ''[Bars his way]'' One more step and it gets ugly.
:''[Clark forces his way past Mercy and opens the door]''
:'''Clark Kent''': What are you trying to pull here? Where's Luthor?
:'''Mercy Graves''': ''[shocked]'' He... he was right here! You saw him...
:''[Clark goes to Luthor's desk, and picks up a mug]''
:'''Clark Kent''': This coffee's ice-cold. No one's been here for a while. Well?
:'''Mercy Graves''': ''[uneasy]'' I'm afraid you'll have to leave, Mr. Kent, right now.
:'''Clark Kent''': Do yourself a favor, Miss Graves: call me when your lord and master shows up.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Clark Kent''': Granted, Lois, Luthor does lots of strange things, but what reason could he possibly have for trying to fool his own bodyguard?
:'''Lois Lane''': Maybe he needed some space. Haven't you ever noticed the way she hovers around him all the time?
:'''Clark Kent''': But that's her job.
:'''Lois Lane''': It's no wonder why you're still single, Kent.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': You can't kill me until I finish the job, and I'll rot before I help you any more!
:''[Luthor starts to leave, but Brainiac's image disappears, and his body rises from the table]''
:'''Brainiac''': I believe I can take it from here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': ''[After seeing Mercy's continued loyalty to Luthor]'' Just a stray...
===''Father's Day'' [2.15]===
:'''Martha Kent''': Your editor wasn't angry with Clark was he? He certainly seemed upset.
:'''Lois Lane''': Nah, the chief always sounds like that. It's part of his charm.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Somebody should take the bruiser down a peg!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Stop, there's an innocent man!
:'''Kalibak''': How naïve you are. On Apokolips, we are taught, even as children, that no one is innocent.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kalibak''': You see, Superman, life breeds death. Everything that lives must kill something to survive. And I am a survivor.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Whoever you are...
:'''Kalibak''': My name is Kalibak!
:'''Superman''': I'll settle with you in a moment.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': A technicality of his birth. As far as destiny and I are concerned, I have no son.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Martha Kent''': ''[as Superman fights Kalibak]'' Clark, look out!
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark? Where...?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': No matter how many times I see that, I'll never get used to it.
:'''Jonathan Kent''': Me neither.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kalibak''': Please! Father!
:''[Darkseid fires his Omega Beams at Kalibak, who cries out in pain]''
:'''Darkseid''': You'll beg louder than that when I'm done with you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Flying in, after Darkseid has just vaporized his son, Kalibak]''
:'''Superman''': What have you done to him? ''[Pause; no response]'' I asked you a question. Who are you? ''[Smile; no response]'' Answer me!
:'''[[W:Darkseid|Darkseid]]''': ''[attacks Superman with his Omega Beams, frying him until he's on the ground, writhing]'' ''That'' is who I am.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Desaad''': You sacrificed your s-, ah, Kalibak?
:'''Darkseid''': One casualty.
:'''Desaad''': How many there will be before you destroy Superman and conquer the Earth?
:'''Darkseid''': As many as it takes.
===''World's Finest'' [2.16-18]===
:'''Terrorist''': Let's make an example of this ''hero''. A very tragic example, I'm afraid, Miss...?
:'''Lois Lane''': Lane.
:'''Terrorist''': Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves?
:'''Lois Lane''': 'Fraid so.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': I hope I didn't shake you and the others up too bad.
:'''Lois Lane''': I have to say... I've gotten used to it. ''[Superman smiles and turns to leave. After a pause, Lois goes after him]''
:'''Lois Lane''': Um...Superman?
:'''Superman''': Yes?
:'''Lois Lane''': Um, how can I put this...I was just thinking, it might be nice to see each other when I wasn't-I don't know, falling out a window or something. Not that I'm not grateful for all the times you've helped me, you understand.
:'''Superman''': I understand.
:'''Lois Lane''': You do?
:''[explosion in the distance, bank robbers getting away]''
:'''Superman''': It's the First National Bank.
:'''Lois Lane''': You better go. People might- ''[Superman takes off]'' -get hurt. ''[starts walking dejectedly away]'' I understand, Lois. Really, you do! Yep, you're a complete moron. Why, thank you, Superman, I think I'm a total loser too...geez.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[reading]'' "Metropolis's favorite son: Superman." Yeah, right. Favorite son, my... ''[slams the paper down]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': The office. Now
:'''Harley Quinn''': ''[disguised as Mercy]'' Swell, Mr. L.
:'''Lex Luthor''': "Mr. L."?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Joker''': ''[to Luthor]'' I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Oh, there are differences, to be sure... like hair.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''[[w:Joker (comics)|Joker]]''': Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman!
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[laughs]'' What makes you think you can kill Superman when you can't even handle a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?
:'''Joker''': ''[grabs him angrily]'' There's nothing "mere" about ''that'' mortal!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': Ceasar Carlini, my old pal! Why I haven't seen you since... Wait, I've never seen you, have I? You need to get out more.
:'''Carlini''': Who is this clown?
:'''Joker''': Oh, not clown. ''Joker'' ''[Flips his card at the table, which imbeds itself]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Clark Kent''': I hear Wayne's deal with Lexcorp could run into the billions. He's a high roller.
:'''Lois Lane''': I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash. Rich, spoiled, and... ''[Bruce Wayne walks off the plane]'' ''Absolutely gorgeous!''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bruce Wayne''': So he just appears when there's trouble? No special signal?
:'''Lois Lane''': He's not like your Batman, thank goodness!
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Then how do you contact him?
:'''Lois Lane''': Committing a felony helps. Listen, you seem awfully interested in Superman. Do you want me to fix you two up?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lex Luthor''': The joint chiefs have shown tremendous interest. It doesn't take much imagination to envision these robots on the battlefield.
:'''[[W:Batman|Bruce Wayne]]''': Except... I won't allow it.
:'''Lex Luthor''': What?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': I don't like guns. Blame it on me, Lex. Tell your pals at the Pentagon... I just don't have the imagination.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Clark Kent''': So just keep your ears open. Let me know if you hear any buzz about the Joker.
:'''Bibbo Bibbowski''': Sure thing, Mr. Kent. Uh.. but, uh, which one? There's lots of jokers around here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Batman''': Where's the Joker?
:'''Binko''': Who knows? Making 'ha-ha' with Harley Quinn? ''[Batman shoves him hard against the door]'' I don't know, honest! I never went back after he muscled in. I want nothing to do with that clown!
:'''Superman''': ''[Arrives, putting his hand on Batman's arm]'' That's enough. I think you got your answer. ''[Batman grabs Superman's arm and throws him onto a table. While he's distracted, Binko runs off. Batman turns to go after him, but Superman body-checks him into the wall, dazing Batman]''
:'''Superman''': I heard you were crazy. I didn't think you were stupid. ''[uses X-ray vision to see through Batman's cowl]'' Bruce Wayne?
:'''Batman''': You peeked.
:'''Superman''': I won't have vigilantism in my town.
:'''Batman''': ''[Secretly taking a small bag out of his belt]'' You'll be rid of me...as soon as I find the Joker.
:'''Superman''': That may not be soon enough. ''[Batman holds up the small bag, which contains a piece of kryptonite. Superman groans and starts to back away]''
:'''Batman''': It doesn't take much, does it? The Joker has 20 pounds more where this came from. Thought you might like to know. ''[Tosses the bag into a glass of water. Superman looks at it, then turns and sees Batman is gone]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dan Turpin''': Swell, now Gotham is sending us their wackos.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bruce Wayne''': You realize she's just the bait.
:'''Superman''': I'll be careful.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Careful won't cut it. With Joker, expect the unexpected.
:'''Superman''': Maybe ''you'' should have remembered that.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': See that he's street pizza! In this town, some flying fool could've caught him!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Clark returns to his apartment after his confrontation with Batman, where he discovered that he's Bruce Wayne. After a phone call to Lois, he notices a small bat transmitter on his cape. He looks out his window, and sees, in the distance, Batman watching through binoculars, showing that he now knows Clark is Superman. Batman waves and leaves.]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Touché.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Clark, keep an eye on Bruce, will you? I'll be right back.
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, Lois-
:'''Lois Lane''': Don't be intimidated. Regale him with madcap tales of the nightlife in Smallville. ''[Leaves]''
:'''Bruce Wayne''': She never stops, does she?
:'''Clark Kent''': Not that I've noticed. ''[Quietly]'' Any luck finding the comedian?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[In Batman voice]'' Three nights, and not so much as a green hair.
:'''Clark Kent''': Of course, you have been dividing your time between work and Lois.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Is that a problem?
:'''Clark Kent''': Let's just say I'm concerned. Your reputation is... dubious, in and out of costume.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Don't worry, I'm taking Lois quite seriously. ''[leans down]'' Besides, it seems to me you ''had'' your chance.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Superman busts into a Lexcorp lab]''
:'''Joker''': More powerful than a locomotive...and just about as subtle. ''[Superman steps out of the shadows, wearing a lead suit]'' Ooo! I'm flattered that you put on your Sunday best!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': ''[When Superman, unaffected by Joker's kryptonite thanks to his lead suit, forces Joker to take him to Lois]'' I don't understand! I had it all planned so perfectly...Oh, wait! That's it!
:'''Superman''': What?
:'''Joker''': Silly me! I forgot the ACID! ''[Sprays acid from his carnation onto Superman. The acid melts away half of the lead suit. Joker then throws the kryptonite at Superman's chest. Superman collapses. Joker cackles]'' Aw, what's the matter, Suppy? ''[Kicks Superman over]'' No more steam left in the old locomotive?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': Honestly Lex, don't you think I feel bad enough already?
:'''Lex Luthor''': ''[Angrily grabs him]'' YOU MANIAC! YOU IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU USE ONE OF MY LABORATORIES FOR YOUR...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mercy Graves''': ''[fighting Harley]'' Here's for that punch in the face!
:'''Harley Quinn''': Ooh, listen to Little Miss Can't-Take-A-Joke!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Batman''': How soon can we get to Hob's Bay?
:''[Alfred opens a case with the Jet-wing]''
:'''Alfred Pennyworth''': If I may be so bold, sir... "when in Rome"...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': Copybat, copybat. Suffering from propulsion envy, Batboy?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': Think of it as a welcome wagon, Bats. Welcoming you to the nearest mortuary.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': Thank you. I couldn't have saved Lois without your help.
:'''Batman''': I'm aware of that.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Harley Quinn''': ''[Trying to cheer up a dejected Joker with a Batman-shaped cookie]'' Hello, Mr. J! I'm Batman. Eat me, eat me, eat me!
:'''Joker''': I know you're trying to cheer me up, Harley, but you see, any time I blow a $1 billion deal, ''IT REALLY KILLS MY APPETITE!''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Bruce Wayne''': I could always...''ask'' him.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': Ooh, this could be a fair fight after all... And who wants to see that?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[just saw Batman unmasked]'' So when were you gonna tell me- the honeymoon?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': How could you have lied to me like that?
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Now, I never actually said I ''wasn't'' Batman... ''[she smacks the cut on his back]'' Ow!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': I'll get some iodine for that scrape. ''Burning, stinging'' iodine. ''[Walks into the bathroom]''
:'''Superman''': I see she's taking it well.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne, and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about.
:'''Superman''': Too bad we can't mix and match.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Joker''': Look at all the toys! [[w:Santa Claus|Santa]]'s been good to you, Lex.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Batman''': See anything?
:'''Superman''': Luthor's been lining his buildings with lead. It blocks my x-ray vision.
:'''Batman''': Well, there's always the direct approach. ''[Superman punches in the door, and bows Batman inside]'' You're learning.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Joker''': Batman. It's always Batman!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joker''': Somehow, Poo, I don't think we're gonna get the chance to say much.
:'''Harley Quinn''': You... you mean he's going to kill us?
:'''Lex Luthor''': No, she is. I abhor violence.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[The Lexwing has just crashed into the ocean, exploding, with the Joker inside]''
:'''[[W:Harley Quinn|Harley Quinn]]''': Puddin'!
:'''Batman''': At this point, he probably is.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Harley Quinn is in a straightjacket and being placed in a padded wagon]''
:'''Harley Quinn:''' I want a lawyer! I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich!
:'''Mercy Graves''': ''[watching it on TV]'' Now that's funny! ''[literally laughs so hard, it hurts]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Come to make sure I'm leaving?
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually, I thought we worked pretty well together. Not that I want to make it a regular event.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': She's all yours, now- if you can handle that. But you'd better be good to her, 'cause I know where you live.
===''The Hand of Fate'' [2.19]===
:'''Thief''': I am power beyond your dreams, call to me. "Karkull com siva co. Karkull com siva kanvasay." Yeah right. Singing Polly wolly doodle all day!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': What do I need a picture of? Luthor kissing a donkey?!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Karkull''': You're strong for a mortal, but a mortal is all you are!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Holy...
:'''Lois Lane''': Bad choice of words Jimmy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rainsong''': Hey, Mister! We're ready. Where do you want us to chant?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Karkull''': I don't remember inviting you. Kill him.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Karkull''': You continue to surprise me, but as I said, you don't have the tools to defeat me.
:'''Dr. Fate''': But I do!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Karkull''': Fate... I thought our dealings had come to an end long ago.
:'''Dr. Fate''': No such luck, I'm afraid.
:'''Karkull''': What magic do you have that's powerful enough to defeat me in my own lair? ''[Fate reveals the Artifact]'' The Artifact of Lorta! I destroyed it!
:'''Dr. Fate''': What has been made can never be unmade.
===''Bizarro's World'' [2.20]===
:'''Lois Lane''': Just think what would have been like for him if he'd lived. First finding out he wasn't... well... you, and then his home, his whole world destroyed in one day. Can you imagine?
:'''Superman''': Yeah, I think I can. He'd probably feel a lot like I did when I learned I wasn't human. You don't know who you are or where you belong. Why you're here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Bizarro is wondering in the snow and he goes to a lake and sees a reflection of himself]''
:'''Superman''': ''[voice over]'' You don't know who you are. Where you belong. Why you're here?
:'''Bizarro''': Me make Krypton. Then me am home!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dan Turpin''': Scram, Lane, this is a Police matter.
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, Turpin, like that really works with me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dan Turpin''': You know this guy? Figures... All the wackos come to you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Let me guess... Bizarro?
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': Any idea what he's doing?
:'''Superman''': Remodeling. He thinks he's me so he's trying to create his own version of Krypton.
:'''Dan Turpin''': Naturally...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': If Krypton is what Bizarro wants, that's what he's gonna get.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dan Turpin''': I had to take this beat! Humans weren't nuts enough!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lois Lane''': So, what is all this?
:'''Bizarro''': It am Dada's house on Krypton.
:'''Lois Lane''': Krypton? You remember Krypton?
:'''Bizarro''': Shiny Ball show me. It say me am Kal-El, and it show me baby me.
:'''Superman''': Unfortunately "Shiny Ball" was confused at the time.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Superman confronts Bizarro while wearing his anti-Kryptonite suit]''
:'''Superman''': Hey Bizarro, I have something for you. Catch!
:''[Superman tosses a hunk of Kryptonite at Bizzaro, who effortlessly catches it]''
:'''Bizarro''': Thanks! Ooh, rock is pretty!
:'''Superman''': {''to Lois''} Our DNA must be too dissimilar.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Bizarro''': This am nice. Superman, Krypto, Dada, Lois, all here with me. Oh, Krypton pretty. So sad it have to blow up...
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Bizarro has stolen a nuclear warhead from a military base and is aiming it at Metropolis]''
:'''Superman''': You'll kill millions of people!
:'''Bizarro''': That how Krypton end!
:'''Superman''': But this isn't Krypton!
:'''Bizarro''': Me make it Krypton! Now Krypton explodes!
:'''Superman''': And what about Lois? If you do this, Lois will die!
:'''Bizarro''': Lois? Lois not on Krypton.
:'''Superman''': Right. But, she's down there now.
:''[Bizarro realizes the mistake he made, then works with Superman to get the warhead safely disposed of]''
:'''Superman''': Now, would you like to hear the rest of the story? ''[Superman has taken Bizarro to a lush green planet circled by ringed moons]'' You can defend this planet. It is all yours.
:'''Bizarro''': This crummy planet! How can me be defender of planet when there is no one here to defend?
:'''Superman''': I thought of that issue. Which is why I brought you a friend.
:''[Superman opens hatch on spaceship to reveal one of the animals from the Preserver's ship]''
:'''Bizarro''': Krypto!
===''Prototype'' [2.21]===
:'''Lois Lane''': Trying to put the Man of Steel out of business, Lex?
:'''Lex Luthor''': I'd think, Ms. Lane, with your knack for getting into trouble, you'd appreciate a few extra rescuers. ''[laughter]''
:'''Clark Kent''': Touché.
:'''Lois Lane''': Whose side are you on?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Henry Irons''': Lex, this is a mistake. It's too soon.
:'''Lex Luthor''': There is a time and a place for dissension, Mr. Irons... but never with me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Hey, Smallville, how far's your car? ''[turns to see Clark is gone]''
:'''Strange Man''': Right around the corner, toots. We going to your place or mine?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Corey Mills''': Guess were working together on this one, huh.
:'''Superman''': Happy to have an extra hand.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Looks like he's got them in the palm of his hand.
:'''Superman''': They'd better be careful he doesn't make a fist.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Henry Irons''': He's still in withdrawal from the suit. The doctors said it'll take a while, but he should recover completely. ''[sighs]'' The suit seemed like such a good idea.
:'''Superman''': It still is, if anyone could manage to make it work safely. It'd be nice to have a little help for a change.
===''The Late Mr. Kent'' [2.22]===
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[narrating]'' Luck. That's what it all boils down to, doesn't it? The smallest break one way or the other. It can save a life or destroy one. And you can't fight it, no matter how strong you are.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[Narrating]'' Dinner was hard to pass up. I hadn't eaten all day. Not that I needed to.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[Narrating]'' I suppose I could've flown to the governor as Superman and given him the disk, but that could've raised some awkward questions. Maybe there was some ego to it, too. I wanted this to be Clark's victory. Not Superman's.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Jonathan Kent''': It's not like he's really dead, Martha. He just can't be Clark anymore.
:'''Clark Kent''': But I ''am ''Clark. I need to be Clark. I'd go crazy if I had to be Superman all the time!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Who else but the real killer would have done this? He was probably afraid Kent was getting too close!
:'''Kurt Bowman''': Kent was a reporter. Who knows how many enemies he had! This might come as a kick in the pants, Lane, but nobody likes you guys!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Watching Lois depart early from Clark's funeral]''
:'''Superman''': Well, so much for sentiment.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': I always teased him. But I had so much respect. ''[Shedding tears]'' And I liked him too, I really did. I wish I'd told him.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': I don't believe it! You've been sitting here in the lap of luxury while I'm out risking my neck!
:'''Lana Lang''': He was recuperating. Poor thing, when I picked him up he could barely remember his own name.
:'''Lois Lane''': But he sure remembered yours, and your telephone number.
:'''Lana Lang''': Clark and I go back a long way. Are you... jealous?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah, jealous of his endless luck.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Bowman has been convicted of the murder and sentenced to die in a gas chamber. His last moments are reflecting on his failure to kill Clark]''
:'''Kurt Bowman''': ''[talking to himself]'' How did he survive that car bomb? How?! ''[Bowman's eyes suddenly open wide]'' He's Superman!
:''[Executioner pulls switch and gas floods into chamber, taking Bowman's revelation with it]''
===''Heavy Metal'' [2.23]===
:'''Natasha Irons''': You're gonna be home on time for dinner tonight?
:'''John Henry Irons''': What are we having?
:'''Natasha Irons''': Pork chops and bean curd in a cilantro sauce.
:'''John Henry Irons''': Argh!
:'''Natasha Irons''': ''[chuckles]'' Hey, you're the one who bought grandma a California cuisine cookbook.
:'''John Henry Irons''': Maybe I should be building myself a cast-iron stomach.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Reporter''': Daily Planet Media news reporter Angela Chen has just located a witness to today's multi-million dollar diamond district robbery. We go to her now live; Angela?
:'''Angela Chen''': This is nonfat decaf, right? I don't wanna be up half the night again.
:'''Cameraman''': ''[whispering]'' Angela. You're on.
:'''Angela Chen''': Uh, yes. ''[clears throat and throws coffee away]'' Angela Chen here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Robber''': Look! It's a dead Samaritan. Say "good night," chump!
:'''Superman''': Good night, chump!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Henry Irons''': That's taking out the trash, Superman.
:'''Superman''': My pleasure, Mr. Irons.
:'''Natasha Irons''': So I guess you really do know him.
:'''Superman''': Still working on the suit?
:'''John Henry Irons''': You said you'd be glad to have the help.
:'''Superman''': And I meant it. Just be careful. You're not invulnerable, you know.
:'''John Henry Irons''': Yeah, well I'm working on that, too.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Metallo!
:'''Metallo''': In the flesh!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': Remember how you left me, Superman? Buried in rock. I couldn't move! I couldn't see! I couldn't hear! But I could think! And all I thought about was how I was going to make you pay! Goodbye, hero.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': You ought to be paying attention my friend! The tabloids will be all over you! You're about to become famous. The man who watched Superman die!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': Somebody speak up! Or I'll tear this neighborhood apart! Brick by brick.
:'''Teen''': We got nothing to say to you, Robo-butt.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': Now, where is Superman?!
:'''Teen''': Try the planet Krypton!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[[[w:John Henry Irons|Steel]] and Metallo meet face to face]''
:'''Metallo''': Well, what have we here?
:'''Steel''': Call me... Steel.
:'''Metallo''': Steel, Metallo. ''[bows]'' The meeting of the metals. Well then, Mr. Steel, may the best alloy win!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': Sorry, Steel. I've still got some business in the hood.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Natasha Irons''': Come on, Superman! This ain't no tanning salon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Natasha Irons''': He's got Superman. He's gonna kill 'em!
:'''Steel''': Not on my watch he's not!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Well, Steel, you're gonna be getting this a lot, so you might as well hear it from me first.
:'''Steel''': What?
:'''Superman''': Thanks!
===''Warrior Queen'' [2.24]===
:'''De'Cine''': I'm impressed.
:'''Maxima''': I'm not, if that's all you got to show me.
:'''De'Cine''': Patience, Maxima. Sometimes the hunter likes to play with its prey.
:'''Maxima''': Yes, sometimes she does!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''De'Cine''': The prey is cornered. The victory is mine, and so are you, Maxima. My queen, my mate.
:'''Maxima''': My FOOT!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sazu''': My lady, another candidate has been found. The scouts have brought visual recording of his heroic deeds.
:'''Maxima''': Sure. I could use a good laugh. Bring it to my room.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sazu''': The Earth natives call him "Superman."
:'''Maxima''': Hmm, "Super-Man". I like those shoulders... and that chin. Oh, our children will be absolutely gorgeous!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''De'Cine''': So, she took the bait?
:'''Sazu''': You knew she would. She's young, headstrong...
:'''De'Cine''': ...Hormonal.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Maxima is accosted by a group of thugs]''
:'''Thug''': Who do you think you are?
:'''Maxima''': ''[Maxima picks him up and uses him as a club to beat his friends unconscious]'' I am the Lady Maxima, Royal Queen, Head of the Royal House, and leader of all Almerac. ''[spins the thug until he's nearly unconscious and puts him on unsteady feet]'' Feel free to bow.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Angela Chen''': We're in trouble, people! Superman piece is coming up short. We need to fill two minutes, anybody have any ideas?
:'''Maxima''': ''[shoves her way into the studio]'' I said, out of my way!
:'''Angela Chen''': Excuse me...?
:'''Maxima''': I am the Lady Maxima, warrior queen, head of the royal house, leader of all Almerac... and Superman's betrothed.
:'''Angela Chen''': ''[skyward]'' Thank you!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Maxima''': Superman... YOW!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lucille''': Murray, there's a man and a woman fighting!
:'''Harry''': Stop spying on the neighbors, Lucille.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[after Superman ties her up with a construction girder]''
:'''Maxima''': No one has ever lasted this long with me... no one! You are... my equal! ''[she dissipates the girder, springs to her feet and hugs him]'' This is the happiest day of my life!
:'''Superman''': ''[confused]'' I'm... glad.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lucille''': Oh, my goodness! They're hugging!
:'''Harry''': Just don't get any ideas.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Maxima''': Of course, now you'll have to marry me.
:'''Superman''': You can't just barge in and make demands like that!
:'''Maxima''': Why not? On my planet I do it all the time.
:'''Superman''': Well, this isn't Almanac.
:'''Maxima''': Almerac.
:'''Superman''': Whatever. Here on Earth, marriage isn't something you can command. Marriage is a willing partnership where husbands and wives share the decisions and sacrifices.
:'''Lucille''': What planet is ''he'' from?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Maxima''': I have the power to do as I please!
:'''Superman''': And the responsibility to do what is right! As leader, you serve the people. They don't serve you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Maxima''': I used to use these ancient tunnels as a prison.
:'''Superman''': No wonder you're so popular.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Maxima''': This time D'cine, it's no game. This time, I kill you.
:'''Superman''': Maxima-
:'''Maxima''': I... don't kill him? ''[Superman shakes his head]'' I... lock him up? ''[Brightens]'' For a really long time!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Maxima''': Are there any more like you at home?
:'''Superman''': No. But as my mother always says, "there's someone for everybody".
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Lobo''': I'm here to get that fraggin', scum-suckin', rat-scratchin' D'cine, and nobody better stop me!
:'''Maxima''': Yow!
===''Apokolips...Now!'' [2.25-26]===
:'''Orion''': ''[approaching Clark and Lois]'' Superman!... Must warn... Superman.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': I did not return you to earth so you could indulge in petty theft.
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': Petty?! We cleared over twenty million!
:'''Darkseid''': I play for higher stakes.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Bruno Mannheim''': You promised you'd make me a king!
:'''[[W:Darkseid|Darkseid]]''': And so you are – a king of fools!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': You're a magnificent opponent, Superman, but even you must realize it's hopeless.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': I could easily destroy you now, and once you're gone, the pathetic beings of this planet won't have the will to resist me. The few who survive, that is.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Darkseid''': Think of it, Superman. The power you have now, it's nothing compared with what I'm offering you.
:'''Superman''': You know I can't do that.
:'''Darkseid''': Pity. Still, if you won't be my knight, you will be my pawn.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Maggie Sawyer''': I've got to get down there!
:'''Toby Raynes''': Whoa, cowboy, what are you going to do? Hold your gun in one hand and your IV in the other?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': People of Earth, I am Darkseid, lord of Apokolips. Here is your savior, cowed and broken. I have crushed him as easily as I have crushed all who have dared to oppose me throughout the cosmos. I am power unlike any you have ever known: absolute, infinite, and unrelenting. You have no choice but to prepare as a long dark future as my subjects and my slaves.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': ''[being opposed]'' They know this is suicide.
:'''Superman''': Better a quick death in battle than a slow one under your heel.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dan Turpin''': I don't care how many crummy planets you've conqured! You ain't getting this one!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': It is good to see you after all these years, my son. I've observed your boldness and ferocity for some time. Not without undue pride. Though you're misguided in your loyalty, I won't quibble over this insignificant speck in the universe. I would hate to spoil our reunion with bloodshed. ''[to his troops]'' Return.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dan Turpin''': ''[last words]'' Go on, ya mangy buzzards, and don't come back!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': Savor your moment of triumph, Superman, but remember, victory has its price.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': ''[At Dan Turpin's funeral]'' Goodbye, old friend. In the end, the world didn't really need a "super man"... just a brave one.
===''Little Girl Lost'' [2.27-28]===
:'''Weatherman''': It's gonna be a gorgeous spring day in the nation's heartland, with temperatures reaching the high seventies. So, all you folks in Smallville, Kansas: get out there and enjoy that great, big, beautiful sun!
:''[cut to Kara flying through the sky]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': ''[Stopping Kara from flying]'' That's enough of that, Kara.
:'''Kara Kent''': Hey, Clark. It was such a nice day, I thought I'd just, you know - vroom!
:'''Clark Kent''': What did we talk about? No 'vroom' during the daytime.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Somehow I don't smell Pulitzer here... or soap, for that matter.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Trouble''': You see, Metropolis? Nobody can beat the Intergang! Nobody!
:'''Superman''': Well, then just call me nobody.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kara Kent''': It's me, Kara.
:'''Clark Kent''': I know.
:'''Kara Kent''': You saw through my secret identity?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': How did you get here?
:'''Kara Kent''': You said no "vroom" so I ran.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Can you talk some sense into him?
:'''Clark Kent''': I've had my fill with teenagers today.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Granny Goodness''': I seek out the lost little lambs society has cruelly abandoned, I take them lovingly under my wings, give them the power to face the cold heartless world... and kick its butt!
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': We're in!
:'''Granny Goodness''': But you hardly seem the type. So bright-eyed, soft skin. Life has not scarred you as it has my other goslings. Still... we can remedy that...
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Kara Kent''': All right, I've seen enough. Don't you realize you are being duped? You think you're getting power but she's just turning you into her personal goon squad!
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': What are you doing?
:'''Kara Kent''': What are you think? I'm shutting down this psycho-witch!
:'''Granny Goodness''': Ah! Such language! Children, defend your Granny's honor. KILL HER!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Granny Goodness''': Girls, this ninny noodle wants to play rough. Make her last moments special...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mad Harriet''': Oh, poor baby, let me kiss it and make it worse!
:'''Supergirl''': Eew! Hands off, gruesome!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': Kara, I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.
:'''Supergirl''': Who, me? I'm not in trouble. And by the way, it's Supergirl. See? ''[Points at 'S']'' Super. ''[Points at face, bats eyelashes]'' Girl.
:'''Superman''': ''[Pause]'' Right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lashina''': Hello, big boy.
:'''Mad Harriet''': Come to help your little friend?
:'''Stompa''': Ain't that a kick?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Supergirl''': ''[About Darkseid]'' Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley...
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Darkseid''': Ever proud, eh, Kryptonian? I must say I find it to be... wearying.
:'''Superman''': What was this boot-licker doing on Earth, Darkseid? I thought your business there was settled.
:'''Darkseid''': I never settle. What I cannot have, I destroy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Supergirl''': I've seen one planet die, and I'm not going to stand by and watch it happen again.
:'''Darkseid''': Noble sentiments, my dear. ''[fires Omega Beams at her]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lashina''': You gotta lotta guts coming her, Blondie!
:'''Stompa''': And we're gonna spread them all over Apokolips!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lashina''': Okay, sugar. The main event.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Granny Goodness''': Oh, great and powerful Darkseid, I...
:'''Darkseid''': Furies... teach Granny the price of failure.
:''[Lashina, Harriet, and Stompa advance on Granny]''
:'''Granny Goodness''': No! My precious girls! Don't! Don't hurt your beloved Granny... ''[Lashina cracks her whip]'' NOOO-OOO!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': You keep staring at your byline, you'll burn a hole in it.
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': ...What? Oh, yeah. It just looks so... good.
==Season 3==
===''Where There's Smoke'' [3.1]===
:'''Partygoer''': ''[Blocked by a bouncer]'' But... I just gave you ''a hundred dollars''.
:'''Bouncer''': Thank you. Now get behind the rope.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Woman''': ''[After seeing guard let Volcana in]'' Hey! What has she got that I haven't got?!
:'''Guard''': Everything.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Donnie''': Whatever it is, I'm gonna have to pass.
:'''Volcana''': Really? ''[Blows whistle]'' The whistle was touched by the President's lips.
:'''Donnie''': What wasn't?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': You have to trust me, Volcana.
:'''Volcana''': Do you know how many times I've heard that? ''[Throwing fireballs]'' From my parents, before they shuffled me off to the institute? From the institute, just before they turned me over to the feds, and from the Government, just before they took away my ''life''!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Government Goon''': ''[Charging up a laser]'' It's a G-40 blue laser, alien. One shot can penetrate five feet of tempered steel in point-three seconds. I don't think even- ''[Superman quickly crushes the laser]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Volcana''': Your mom raised you well.
:'''Superman''': I got lucky.
:'''Volcana''': Yeah. You did. ''[pauses]'' I hope you'll think of me... especially on those cold, Metropolis nights.
:'''Superman''': Don't you ''ever'' cool down?
:'''Volcana''': No. ''[blows him a fire kiss]''
===''Knight Time'' [3.2]===
:'''Superman''': I didn't think you were foolish enough to make trouble in my town.
:'''Roxy Rocket''': Well, with Batman missing, the other crooks in Gotham are picking the city clean. I thought I'd try my luck here.
:'''Superman''': Back up. What do you mean, Batman's missing?
:'''Roxy Rocket''': I thought you'd know. Don't all you spandex boys have club meetings or something?
:'''Superman''': We're not exactly friends.
:'''Roxy Rocket''': Aww. I'll be your friend.
:'''Superman''': Sorry, little girl. you're going home.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': Now, where's your boss?
:'''Robin''': Around.
:'''Superman''': Okay, let's try this another way: where's ''Bruce''?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Commissioner Gordon''': This was taken by airport security two hours ago. I thought you'd be interested. ''[hands over a photo]'' ''[Superman-as-Batman takes it, stares at it nonplussed]'' ''[points]'' Right here. Look familiar?
:'''Robin''': ''[wanders off a ways, whispers]'' Bane.
:'''Superman-as-Batman''': Ah, yes. Bane.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Robin''': That was close.
:'''Superman-as-Batman''': ''[searching the utility belt for a grapple]'' You're telling me. The sooner we find your boss, the better.
:'''Robin''': Right side.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Renee Montoya''': ''[about Batman, with Superman in the costume]'' Does he look ''bigger'' to you?
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': ''[As Superman]'' We'll start with his computer records.
:'''Robin''': So how'd you do Batman's voice?
:'''Superman''': ''[As Batman]'' Precise muscle control. ''[As Robin]'' Plus, I have a pretty good ear.
:'''Robin''': ''[Pauses, creeped out]'' '''Don't''' do that again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bane''': On the contrary, I feared you were gone forever, Batman, and that would have meant I'd never feel your spine crumble in my hands.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman-as-Batman''': All this sneaking around isn't exactly my style.
:'''Robin''': What do you mean? It's half the fun!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Robin''': See what I mean about him acting strange? He's ''smiling''!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''The Penguin''': Even if I did know where to find the Mad Hatter, I'm no stool pigeon. Why should I tell you?
:'''Superman-as-Batman''': A man's life is in danger. Isn't that enough?
:'''The Penguin''': You're breaking my heart.
:'''Robin''': ''[Whispers]'' Kick over the desk. ''[Superman looks uncertain, hesitating, as Superman is not typically a [[w:Good cop/bad cop|bad cop]]]'' Just do it!
:'''Superman-as-Batman''': ''[Kicks the desk over and into the wall]'' I won't ask twice.
:'''The Penguin''': All right, no need to get your feathers ruffled. It happens our capped compadre is attending a meeting of notable ne'er-do-wells. They're hatching a plot to capitalize on your... purported disappearance.
:'''Superman-as-Batman''': ''[Lifts him of the ground by his collar]'' Where?
:'''Robin''': Now he's gettin' it.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Bane''': By combining our talents, we will rule Gotham City. Anyone we wish to imprison, you, Riddler, will entrap. Any from whom we require allegiance, you, Hatter, will control. And any that stand in our way, ''I'' will break.
:'''Riddler''': I've always wanted to team muscle with my mind. And any chance to test my new puzzles, of course.
:'''Bane''': And you, my friend, are you in?
:'''Mad Hatter''':Tweedle-Bane and Tweedle-Brain, if it's all the same, I'll play your game.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Superman as Batman just broke a massive statue, destroyed a device confining him, and went toe-to-toe with Bane, beating him handily]''
:'''Mad Hatter''': It's not possible!
:'''Robin''': He's been workin' out.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Mad Hatter''': Curioser and curioser!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Robin''': He's really being controlled by aliens? Eugh.
:'''Superman''': I'm deeply hurt.
:'''Robin''': Sorry.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Robin''': ''[seeing Brainiac's spaceship]'' ''That'' looks friendly.
:'''Superman''': Actually, it looks....Kryptonian.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Brainiac''': I suspected that we might meet, Batman.
:'''Superman''': ''[as Batman]'' You got into Wayne's computers during his partnership with LexCorp.
:'''Brainiac''': Yes.
:'''Superman''': ''[as Batman]'' You saw that his company could built you a rocket, so you took control of Bruce Wayne and had him authorize the project.
:'''Brainiac''': You're every bit the detective that your followers on the Internet believe.
:'''Superman''': ''[as Batman]'' I also know how you work: collect a planet's knowledge, then destroy it. I can't allow you to leave.
:'''Brainiac''': What you allow does not concern me. While your deductive skills are impressive, you are still only human.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Upon discovering that Superman was disguised as Batman]''
:'''Brainiac''': Kal-El. This development was highly improbable.
:'''Superman''': Today's been full of surprises.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Batman''': I hear the city's been busy.
:'''Superman''': Nothing the kid couldn't handle. I have to say, for a guy who's supposed to be such a loner, you sure know how to pick a partner.
===''New Kids in Town'' [3.3]===
:'''Scientist''': This is crazy.
:'''Chameleon Boy''': You asked for heroes; you didn't say anything about sanity.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Young Lana Lang''': What's this strange power you have?
:'''Young Clark Kent''': What do you mean?
:'''Young Lana Lang''': The ability to attract every airhead in Smallville!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kenny Braverman''': ''[after seeing Brainiac]'' Whoa! Check out Darth Vader! Que Pasa man? Take a wrong turn at Tatooine?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brainiac''': ''[holding Kenny up high]'' Where does Clark Kent live?
:'''Kenny Braverman''': Clark? What is this?
:'''Brainiac''': Insufficient response. ''[throws Kenny across the street]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Martha Kent''': ''[Seeing Jonathan preparing to help Clark]'' Don't be foolish! You need something better than a shovel!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chamelon Boy''': Up, up and away! Ha! I always wanted to say that!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Young Clark Kent''': Like a pair of glasses is going to fool anyone.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Young Clark Kent''': ''[After seeing his future costume]'' Red underpants? Now I know you're crazy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brainiac''': At last, the son of Jor-El kneels before me.
===''Obsession'' [3.4]===
:''[Darci Mason leaves after Superman saves her from a robot trio]''
:'''Superman''': This couldn't have been just some kidnapping attempt. And she knows more than she told the police, I'm sure of it.
:'''Lana Lang''': That's Darcy. She takes reticence to a whole new plateau.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jimmy Olsen''': Watch out, Clark. You're about to burn a hole in those glasses.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Man''': Hey lady, you can't park there, it's for emergencies only.
:'''Expensive Woman''': Your definition of 'emergency' is way too limited. ''[car gets smashed by kangaroo]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Darci Mason''': ''[to Toyman]'' I'll never love you. Never!
:'''Toyman''': I know there's a place for me in your heart. ''[charges up a drill]'' I just have to ''find'' it.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Darci Mason''': ''[to Clark Kent]'' Didn't I see you at the fashion show? What are you, a stalker?
:'''Clark Kent''': Actually I'm a reporter.
:'''Darci Mason''': Even worse. At least stalkers are honest about what they do.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toy Guards''': Halt! Friend or foe?
:'''Superman''': ''[Destroys guards]'' Foe.
===''Little Big Head Man'' [3.5]===
:'''Bizarro''': Oh well. Me save more people tomorrow.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[W:Mr. Mxyzptlk|Mr. Mxyzptlk]]''': ''[about Bizarro]'' This is so sad! I can't take it anymore!
:'''Bizarro''': Who there? Where am voice from?
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': The greatest hero in the universe, reduced to saving rocks and playing house! ''[shows himself]'' If I'd stayed quiet one more second, I'd need a colossal barf bag!
:'''Bizarro''': Ha! You funny little big head man!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''[[W:Bizarro|Bizarro]]''': Hey, you funny little big head man.
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': Mr. Mxyzptlk, at your service.
:'''Bizarro''': Mr. Mzy... pzy...
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': Eh, don't bother, you'll give yourself a hernia.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''[[W:Lois Lane|Lois Lane]]''': Hey Clark, listen to this. Apparently some nut in a Superman costume just trashed a department store downtown. If I didn't know better I'd say it was-
:'''Bizarro''': ''[crashes through the wall]'' Where am Superman!
:'''[[W:Superman|Clark]] and Lois''': Bizzaro?!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': Mxyzptlk?! I thought you promised to stay away from Earth forever!
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': No, no, no. I only promised ''I'' wouldn't come back and bother you, and I'm not! Old Rockhead is!
:'''Superman''': And I can guess you got him riled up.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': ''[about Superman]'' You know how it is. Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly! I've gotta bug that jerk till I die!... Or ''he'' does.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[As Bizarro grabs Superman's hand to get up]''
:'''Bizarro''': You saved me. Why?
:'''Superman''': Because I knew Mxy tricked you. If it makes you feel better, he's done it to me. A lot.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Listen to me, my friend. Mxy's playing you for a fool.
:'''Bizarro''': Little big head man my friend! Him say you enemy.
:'''Superman''': Him lie like rug. Trust me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bizarro''': Why bad men shoot at me?
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': Hey, easy on the material, Frankenstein.
:'''Bizarro''': Send bad men away, little big head. Send them away!
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': I'd love to help you, Rocky, but power-wise, my tank is dry.
:'''Bizarro''': ''[shakes him]'' Nooooo! Send them away! Do it!
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': ''[fearful]'' Kltpzyxm! Kltpzyxm! ''[nothing happens]'' Oh, mama, this was a bad idea.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[when Bizarro gets affected by sleeping gas]''
:'''Bizarro''': Peaceful.
:'''Superman''': That will keep him quiet till he reaches home.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bizarro''': Hello, citizens. It good to be back. World am safe. Me see no trouble... Me say, "Me see no trouble".
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': I heard you the first time!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Mr. Mxyzptlk''': ''[as he dodges the boulder]'' WATCH IT, YA BIG JERK! Three months of this?! I don't think so! I QUIT!
:''[Superman looks at his monitor showing Mxyzptlk holding the tree branch from Krypto (alien monster)]''
:'''Superman''': ''[imitating Bizarro]'' Life am good.
===''Absolute Power'' [3.6]===
:'''Jax-Ur''': Mesmerizing. Of all the phenomena of nature, none fascinates me more than a black hole. It is the one true force of absolute power. Everything it touches becomes its own.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cetea''': Plague on you and your self-serving treachery, Alterus.
:'''Alterus''': My dear Cetea, I deserve much worse than that!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': Although Cetea's people were grateful for my help, I wondered if it wasn't I who should be grateful. They reminded me of a saying: "[[Edmund Burke|Evil triumphs when good men do nothing]]". I won't forget it again.
===''In Brightest Day...'' [3.7]===
:'''Lois Lane''': Sure, how many times have you flown to the moon, Smallville?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Perry White''': Lois, have you seen Kyle Rayner?
:'''Lois Lane''': Yeah chief, he was heading to the one place where even my credentials won't get me in. ''[Kyle is in the men's bathroom]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[W:Green Lantern|Kyle Rayner]]''': Wait! Don't you want to talk first? You know, banter back and forth to show me your innate superiority?
:'''[[W:Sinestro|Sinestro]]''': No.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sinestro''': How pathetic that Abin would entrust the ring to brutes like these.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sinestro''': I never give up.
:'''Kyle Rayner''': You never shut up, either.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[W:Kyle_Rayner|Kyle Rayner]]''': There must be someone better suited for the job, like him! ''[points to Superman]''
:'''[[W:Guardians_of_the_Universe|Guardian]]''': The ring has chosen you, Kyle Rayner.
:'''Kyle Rayner''': But I'm just an artist. I doodle in the margins of notepads, I daydream about color form and monster trucks. I live half my life in a fantasy world.
:'''Superman''': You sound perfect.
===''Superman's Pal'' [3.8]===
:'''Angela Chen''': Got time for a statement, Superman?
:'''Superman''': You wouldn't want it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Metallo''': Careful. We don't want to damage our collateral just yet.
:'''Tina''': Speak for yourself. You didn't have to spend an evening with him.
:'''Metallo''': And I thought I was cold-hearted.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': ''[After her skirt is caught by the wind]'' I've gotta start wearing pants.
===''A Fish Story'' [3.9]===
:'''Lois Lane''': Are you nuts?! That was a [[w:Great white shark|great white]]!
:'''Aquaman''': Lucky he was passing by. I've got ten more circling us right now.
:'''Lois Lane''': Hope they're not hungry.
:'''Aquaman''': Want me to ask them?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': It sounds like your 'assets' are getting kicked.
===''Unity'' [3.10]===
:[[w:Supergirl|Kara Kent]]: [[Spider-Man (film)|Spider powers]]? Eww!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kara Kent''': The Metropolis Meteors made me their honorary bat girl. Won't Barbara be jealous?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Reverend Howell''': Nations fall and demigods fade, but only unity is absolute, all encompassing, and eternal.
==Season 4==
===''The Demon Reborn'' [4.1]===
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clark Kent''': The tribal arts exhibit should be right on time.
:'''Lois Lane''': Even the mayor's here. Hard to believe all this commotion over a bunch of beads and blankets.
:'''Professor Black Wing''': The heritage of my people is hardly that trivial, Ms. Lane.
:'''Lois Lane''': Professor Black Wing! I didn't realize you w-... I-I mean I was just joking of course. It's such a wonderful thing, this whole thing; it's ''[laughs nervously]'' so wonderful, really. Have you met Clark Kent?
:'''Clark Kent''': I hear the exhibition is stunning.
:'''Professor Black Wing''': I've spent years putting it together. Many of the artifacts have never left our tribal lands before. They are irreplaceable.
:'''Guard #1''': You hear something?
:''[Guard #1 yells]''
:''[Guard #1 groans]''
:'''Guard #2''': We're under attack. Too many. Can't hold them off. I--
:''[Guard #2 groans]''
:'''Professor Black Wing''': Hello? Come in, come in!
:'''Lois Lane''': Someone's getting an early preview.
:'''Clark Kent''': I'll get help.
:'''Lois Lane''': I'll get the story.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Keep looking. The master said the shaman's staff would be here.
:'''Superman''': I believe this is your stop.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Get him.
:''[Thug leader grunting]''
:'''Talia al Ghul''': The staff.
:'''Superman''': I think you're finished here.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': I've already disabled the brakes. You can stop me or stop the train. The choice is yours.
:''[Superman grunting]''
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Till we meet again. Mwah.
:''[Superman groaning]''
:'''Superman''': What? Just happened to be in the neighborhood?
:'''Batman''': Do you have any idea who they are? The Society of Shadows. I've been trailing them for weeks, hoping they'd lead me to Ra's Al Ghul.
:'''Superman''': Who?
:'''Batman''': A criminal mastermind. ''[describing Ra's al Ghul]'' More dangerous than the Joker and Luthor put together.
:'''Superman''': All I know is they were breaking the law in my town.
:'''Batman''': Leave it to you to charge in with both arms swinging.
:'''Superman''': If you were going to operate in Metropolis, you should've filled me in.
:'''Batman''': Next time, I'll fax my itinerary.
:'''Superman''': I mean it. I'd like to help. This is where they met?
:'''Batman''': They're not coming back. Ra's is too smart to leave a trail. You said the only thing they took was the shaman's staff?
:'''Superman''': Yes. It's one of the least valuable items. According to Professor Blackwing, it's supposed to have mystic healing powers. Maybe your mastermind isn't feeling well.
:'''Batman''': He's usually in pretty good shape for a guy his age.
:'''Superman''': A bicycle?
:'''Batman''': Or a wheelchair.
:'''Lois Lane''': Another day, another Pulitzer.
:''[Lois Lane gasps]''
:''[Lois Lane coughs]''
:''[Lois Lane groans]''
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Pleasant dreams, Miss Lane.
:'''News Anchor''': And this breaking news just in. Authorities have blocked off Central Avenue while firefighters try to rescue an unidentified woman on top of the Luthor Towers.
:'''Superman''': Lois?
:'''News Anchor''': She's too high up, we can't reach her.
:''[Talia al ghul screaming]''
:'''Peoples''': Oh, my goodness. Somebody do something.
:'''Superman''': I've got you, Lois.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': The name's Talia.
:'''Superman''': You.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Sorry for the theatrics, but I needed to get your attention.
:'''Superman''': You've got it. What's this all about?
:'''Talia al Ghul''': My father would like to meet you. Privately.
:'''Superman''': Your father?
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Ra's Al Ghul.
:'''Superman''': And if I refuse?
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Then I'll have to insist.
:''[Superman screams]''
:''[Superman groaning]''
:'''Ubu''': Wake up, dog. The master will see you now.
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': I'm sorry we must meet under such circumstances.
:'''Superman''': You're not exactly what I pictured.
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': I'm not the man I was.
:''[Ra's al Ghul coughs]''
:''[Ra's al Ghul gasps]''
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Father, you should rest.
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Old age, Superman. It truly is a shipwreck. One that I have survived more times than I can remember. For centuries I've kept myself alive by immersing my body in Lazarus Pits. Their wondrous powers rejuvenated me. But each time, the effects were more and more short-lived.
:''[Ra's al Ghul sighs]''
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Now they can no longer sustain me.
:''[Ra's al Ghul wheezes]''
:'''Talia al Ghul''': He's dying.
:'''Superman''': What do you want from me?
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Your strength.
:''[Lois Lane groans]''
:''[Lois Lane gasps]''
:''[Lois Lane grunts]''
:'''Batman''': Easy, Lois. It's me.
:'''Lois Lane''': Bruce?
:''[Lois Lane sighs]''
:'''Lois Lane''': It's been a while. I take it this isn't a social call.
:'''Batman''': What happened here?
:'''Lois Lane''': I'm not sure. Someone attacked me. A woman dressed in black.
:'''Batman''': Talia.
:'''Lois Lane''': "Talia"? On a first-name basis, are we? What do you think she was after?
:'''Batman''': Your clothes.
:'''Lois Lane''': Excuse me?
:'''Batman''': She needed to impersonate you to attract Superman.
:'''Lois Lane''': Ha! She's going to need more than that. Maybe my clothes and a nuclear disaster. And I just had it shampooed. Do you know how depressing it is to clean up after your assailant?
:'''Batman''': I'm sorry.
:'''Lois Lane''': Forget it, a little detergent and some elbow grease.
:'''Batman''': I mean, that we're meeting like this.
:'''Lois Lane''': I was the one who said goodbye. Though I can't say I haven't had second thoughts. There's been several times when I almost picked up the phone. Maybe you felt the same... way. I gotta get better locks.
:'''Alfred Pennyworth''': I have the spectroanalysis results on those samples you've transmitted, sir.
:'''Batman''': And?
:'''Alfred Pennyworth''': As you suspected, jet fuel. The kind commonly used for private planes.
:'''Batman''': Thank you, Alfred.
:'''Thug Leader''': Finish loading those. The master will be expecting us.
:'''Batman''': Then he's going to be disappointed. I am only going to ask once. Where's Ra's al Ghul?
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Mesa de Oro. A lost city, defended with honor for centuries.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Father led the conquistadores who finally vanquished it. The spoils of that victory formed the foundation of his vast fortune.
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Time is short.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Secure him.
:''[Talia yells]''
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': No! Stop him!
:''[Superman grunting]''
:''[Thug Leader yells]''
:''[Ubu yells]''
:''[Ubu grunting]''
:''[Ra's al Ghul gasping]''
:''[Superman grunting]''
:''Talia al Ghul''': Father!
:'''Ubu''': We're too late, mistress. He's dead.
:''[Talia sobs]''
:'''Ubu''': He's gone. The world has lost its master.
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Proceed anyway.
:'''Ubu''': But he's--
:'''Talia al Ghul''': As long as the body's warm, there's still a chance. Do it.
:''[Superman groaning]''
:''[Thug Leader yelling]''
:''[Superman grunting]''
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Look.
:'''Ubu''': Master.
:''[Superman yelling]''
:''[Ra's al Ghul sighs]''
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Ah! The power! I've never felt anything like it! :''[Superman yelling]''
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': More! I must have more!
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Father, your body!
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Don't stop! I want every ounce, every fiber of his strength!
:''[Superman groaning]''
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': What?
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Beloved.
:''[Thug Leader grunting]''
:''[Ubu grunting]''
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': You're foolish to have come here, detective! Give me the staff!
:'''Batman''': I think you've had your workout for today.
:''[Ra's al Ghul yelling]''
:''[Ra's al Ghul grunting]''
:''[Ra's al Ghul yelling]''
:''[Ra's al Ghul grunting]''
:''[Ra's al Ghul yelling]''
:'''Talia al Ghul''': Father, stop! You'll kill him!
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': Stay back! I must have it! Farewell, detective!
:'''Superman''': Ra's! You're forgetting something.
:'''Ra's al Ghul''': No!
:'''[Talia al Ghul screams]''
:'''Superman''': The roof won't hold up much longer. Punish me or save your daughter. Your choice.
:''[Talia screams]''
:'''Superman''': I see an underground river, but there's no sign of them. Alive or dead. I'm guessing you and that woman Talia had some history.
:'''Batman''': Pretty much in line with all my other relationships. I have to admit, it was clever using Ra's' devotion to his daughter to stop him.
:'''Superman''': Well, I thought, as I couldn't charge in with both arms swinging I'd better use my head. You know, there might be something to this partnership business after all.
:'''Batman''': Yeah, right.
===''Legacy'' [4.2-3]===
:'''Superman''': Onward! For the glory of Darkseid and Apokolips!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mercy Graves''': He's a completely different person.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Soon to be a very dead one. I don't know what twist of fate caused this change, but Superman's handed us the perfect opportunity to destroy him. I intend to exploit it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': You wear my shield but stand against me? Then die!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Superman''': So it ends like this.
:'''Lex Luthor''': Don't think of it as an end, Superman. My biotech people will spend years studying your carcass. I'm certain it will be a most profitable endeavor.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lois Lane''': Have you ever tried to get a story out of the military? I figured it'd be easier to go straight to the source.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': YOU DARE STRIKE ME?!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darkseid''': ''[after Kalibak is easily beaten by Superman]'' I can't believe he's blood.
:'''Superman''': You used me.
:'''Darkseid''': I told you once, Superman: If you would not be my knight, you would be my pawn.
:'''Superman''': I see you're a man of your word.
:'''Darkseid''': I am many things, Kal-El. You couldn't even begin to imagine half of them. But for now, I shall take the role of the executioner. A final gift, my wayward son: A fast death, infinitely preferable to the shame of returning to Earth. There, your legacy would be one of fear and distrust - a pariah desperately seeking the favor of a world that cursed your name.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': ''[Punches Darkseid]'' That was for Dan Turpin!
:'''Darkseid''': Who?
:'''Superman''': The good man you murdered!
:'''Darkseid''': Had I known one human's death would pain you so, Kal-El, I would have killed more. And kill more I shall. Carry that agony with you to oblivion, Superman.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Darkseid''': I am many things, Kal-El. But here, I am God.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[A nearly exhausted Superman is about to go fight Darkseid again]''
:'''Supergirl''': Don't, Clark.
:'''Superman''': Kara?
:'''Supergirl''': You fight by Darkseid's rules, you're gonna kill somebody. And it won't be him. Let it go. Let's go home.
:'''Superman''': Home.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Superman''': They're right. I did lose control and it scares me. If I can't trust myself, how can I win back the trust of an entire planet?
:'''Lois Lane''': One person at a time. ''[Kisses him]''
==Bumpers==
:'''TOM2''': Superman will return in a moment.
:'''TOM2''': Superman, now continues.
:'''TOM2''': That's It for Superman.....Tenchi Muyo! is next.
:'''TOM2''': That's It for Superman.....Tenchi Muyo!
:'''Shaggy''': Ouch! is next on Kids' WB.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DC Comics}}
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated Superman TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
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May 1
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<div id="1" style="margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;">[[Category:Days]][[w:May 1|May 1]]</div> <noinclude>'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:</noinclude>
; 2004
: The month of May was come, when every lusty heart beginneth to blossom, and to bring forth fruit; for like as herbs and trees bring forth fruit and flourish in May, in likewise every lusty heart that is in any manner a lover, springeth and flourisheth in lusty deeds. For it giveth unto all lovers courage, that lusty month of May. ~ [[Thomas Malory|Sir Thomas Malory]]
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]
; 2005
: <big> "DON'T PANIC" </big> <br/> ~ [[Douglas Adams]] in ''[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy]]''
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- *This is a misattribution. "Don't panic" was taken from Mr Jones the butcher in the BBC sitcom ''Dad's Army''! (comment from IP 195.40.196.21) 11:34, 1 May 2005 (UTC)
:** It is a simple statement, no doubt used by others even before either case, but now is far more famous as used by [[Douglas Adams]] as the phrase on the cover of the ''Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy''. ~ [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:15, 1 May 2005 (UTC) -->
; 2006
: I react pragmatically. Where the market works, I'm for that. Where the government is necessary, I'm for that. I'm deeply suspicious of somebody who says, "I'm in favor of privatization," or, "I'm deeply in favor of public ownership." I'm in favor of whatever works in the particular case. ~ [[John Kenneth Galbraith]] (recent death)
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]
; 2007
: A man must be excessively stupid, as well as uncharitable, who believes that there is no virtue but on his own side, and that there are not men as honest as himself who may differ from him in political principles. ~ [[Joseph Addison]] (born 1 May 1672)
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]<!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 03:59, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 13:12, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 19:24, 30 April 2007 (UTC) -->
; 2008
: What sculpture is to a block of marble, education is to the human soul. ~ [[Joseph Addison]]
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] <!-- * 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 03:59, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 13:12, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 19:24, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:50, 23 April 2008 (UTC) -->
; 2009
: ''When an angel by divine command <br/>With rising tempests shakes a guilty land, <br>Such as of late o'er pale Britannia past, <br>Calm and serene he drives the furious blast; <br>And, pleas'd th' Almighty's orders to perform, <br/>Rides in the whirlwind, and directs the storm.''<br> ~ [[Joseph Addison]] ~
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- ::OR
When an angel by divine command with rising tempests shakes a guilty land... calm and serene he drives the furious blast; and, pleas'd th' Almighty's orders to perform, rides in the whirlwind, and directs the storm. ~ [[Joseph Addison]]
* 4 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) <s>* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 14:00, 30 April 2007 (UTC)</s> and with a preference for the full verse.
* 3 in verse form. - [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 18:22, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 3 in verse form. [[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 19:24, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 2 in either form [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:50, 23 April 2008 (UTC) -->
; 2010
: Nature does nothing without purpose or uselessly. ~ [[Joseph Addison]]
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 14:00, 30 April 2007 (UTC)<s>1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) </s> with a lean toward an eventual 3 or even a 4, but much prefer a couple other options suggested far above this one, for now.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 18:22, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 19:24, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 3 because what happens, happens for reason. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:50, 23 April 2008 (UTC) -->
; 2011
: I shall endeavor to enliven morality with wit, and to temper wit with morality. ~ [[Joseph Addison]]
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] <!-- * 3 because there is a healthy balance expressed here. I'd go along moreso with tempering the wit with morality though. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 20:03, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] · [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 21:22, 28 April 2011 (UTC) <s>* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3.</s> -->
; 2012
: Since once again, [[God|O Lord]], in the steppes of Asia, I have no bread, no [[wine]], no altar, I will raise myself above those [[symbols]] to the [[Purity|pure]] [[Greatness|majesty]] of [[reality]], and I will offer to you, I, your priest, upon the altar of the entire [[earth]], the [[labor]] and the [[suffering]] of the [[world]]. ~ [[Pierre Teilhard de Chardin]]
:* proposed by [[User:N6n|N6n]] <!-- * 3.5 [[User:N6n|N6n]] 02:51, 12 September 2010 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 14:29, 30 April 2012 (UTC) <s> 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] · [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 21:22, 28 April 2011 (UTC) with a lean toward 3.</s> -->
; 2013
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- [[File:Aegishjalmr.svg|29px]] <p>[[File:Runic letter calc.svg|23px]] <p>--> ''Gǣð ā [[Wyrd]] swā hīo scel!'' <br /> [[Fate]] goes ever as it must.<!-- ♘ ᛣᚨᛚᛤᛁ <p> [[File:Runic letter sigel.svg|11px]] -->
| author = ''[[Beowulf]]''
}}
:* proposed by [[User:DanielTom|DanielTom]] <!-- ''GaeS a wyrd swa hio scel.''<br>Fate goes ever as it must. ~ [[Beowulf]]
* 3 [[User:DanielTom|DanielTom]] ([[User talk:DanielTom|talk]]) 11:41, 27 March 2013 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 09:22, 26 April 2013 (UTC) <s> 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 11:58, 27 March 2013 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4.</s> but with the Old english script amended to : ''Gǣð ā Wyrd swā hīo scel!'' (as has already been done in the article). -->
; 2014
{{quote of the day
| quote = We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.
| author = Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 11:51, 30 April 2014 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 08:28, 24 October 2009 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4.</s>
* 3.5 [[User:DanielTom|DanielTom]] ([[User talk:DanielTom|talk]]) 11:41, 27 March 2013 (UTC) -->
; 2015
{{quote of the day
| quote = All the [[business]] of [[war]], and indeed all the business of [[life]], is to endeavour to find out what you don't [[know]] by what you do; that's what I called "guessing what was at the other side of the hill."
| author = Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]<!-- * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:02, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 22:30, 30 April 2015 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:53, 30 April 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.</s> -->
; 2016
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->We only have to [[look]] around us to see how [[complexity]] and psychic ''temperature'' are still rising: and rising no longer on the scale of the [[individual]] but now on that of [[Earth|the planet]]. This indication is so [[familiar]] to us that we cannot but [[recognize]] the objective, [[experiential]], [[reality]] of a [[transformation]] of the [[planet]] ''as a [[whole]].''
| author = Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]<!-- * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:42, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:29, 30 April 2016 (UTC)<s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC)</s>
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:57, 30 April 2009 (UTC) -->
; 2017
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> Everyone in [[Catch-22|my book]] [[accuses]] everyone else of being [[crazy]]. Frankly, I think the [[whole]] [[society]] is nuts — and the [[question]] is: What does a [[sane]] man do in an [[insane]] society?
| author = Joseph Heller
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:42, 30 April 2017 (UTC) <s>* 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 05:36, 1 May 2013 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.</s> -->
; 2018
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> ''Under oak, ash and thorn <br /> My [[soul]] was [[born]]. <br /> Under thorn, oak and ash <br /> My [[body]] bent to the lash.''
| author = Elinor Wylie
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:33, 1 May 2018 (UTC) --> for [[w:Beltane|Beltane]]/[[w:May Day|May Day]] 2018
; 2019
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> There was only one catch and that was [[w:Catch-22 (logic)|Catch-22]], which specified that a [[concern]] for one's own safety in the face of [[dangers]] that were [[real]] and immediate was the process of a [[rational]] mind. Orr was [[crazy]] and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and [[sane]] if he didn't, but if he was sane, he had to fly them. If he flew them, he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to, he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the [[absolute]] [[simplicity]] of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle. <br /> "That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.
| author = [[Joseph Heller]] ~<br /> in <br />~ ''[[Catch-22]]''
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Lyle|Lyle]]<!-- There was only one catch and that was Catch-22. ~[[Joseph Heller]] (born May 1, 1923)
* [[User:Lyle|Lyle]] 13:53, 11 September 2009 (UTC)
*4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:00, 1 May 2019 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 08:29, 24 October 2009 (UTC)</s> but would extend this to the original statement regarding "Catch 22":
:: There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane, he had to fly them. If he flew them, he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to, he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
* 3 [[User:N6n|N6n]] 02:51, 12 September 2010 (UTC) -->
; 2020
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> It was [[miraculous]]. It was almost no [[trick]] at all, he saw, to turn [[vice]] into [[virtue]] and [[slander]] into [[truth]], [[impotence]] into [[abstinence]], [[arrogance]] into [[humility]], plunder into [[philanthropy]], [[thievery]] into [[honor]], [[blasphemy]] into [[wisdom]], brutality into [[patriotism]], and sadism into [[justice]]. Anybody could do it; it required no [[brains]] at all. It merely required no [[character]].
| author = [[Joseph Heller]] ~<br /> in <br />~ ''[[Catch-22]]''
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Bystander53|bystander]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Bystander53|bystander]] ([[User talk:Bystander53|talk]]) 05:03, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:34, 30 April 2020 (UTC) <s>3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 05:36, 1 May 2013 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. </s>, but perhaps trimmed of first sentence. -->
; 2021
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> [[Love]] alone is capable of [[uniting]] [[living]] beings in such a way as to [[complete]] and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in [[themselves]]. All we [[need]] is to [[imagine]] our [[ability]] to love developing until it embraces the totality of men and the [[earth]].
| author = Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]<!-- * 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:42, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:15, 1 May 2021 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) though most of this was already used, on [[9 December]] [[2004]].</s>
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:57, 30 April 2009 (UTC) -->
; 2022
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> We are doing everything to return normal [[life]] to the de-occupied part of our [[Ukraine]]. … Of course, there is still a lot of work ahead. The occupiers are still on our land and still do not recognize the apparent failure of [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|their so-called operation]]. We still need to fight and direct all efforts to drive the occupiers out. And we will do it. Ukraine will be [[Freedom|free]]. … The Ukrainian flag will return wherever it should be by right.
| author = Volodymyr Zelenskyy
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- * 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:32, 1 May 2022 (UTC) -->; recent remarks regarding the [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine]].
; 2023
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> [[Good]] [[nature]] is more agreeable in [[conversation]] than [[wit]], and gives a certain air to the countenance which is more [[amiable]] than [[beauty]].
| author = Joseph Addison
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]<!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 03:59, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 23:59, 30 April 2023 (UTC) <s>3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 13:12, 30 April 2007 (UTC) </s>
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:50, 23 April 2008 (UTC) -->
; 2024
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --> The man who will live above his present [[circumstances]] is in great [[danger]] of living in a little [[time]] much beneath them; or as the Italian proverb runs, "The man who [[lives]] by [[hope]], will [[die]] by [[hunger]]."
| author = Joseph Addison
}}
:* proposed by [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]]<!-- * 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 03:59, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:14, 1 May 2024 (UTC) <s> 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 13:12, 30 April 2007 (UTC) </s>
* 3 because hope alone is not enough to live, especially under difficult circumstances. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:50, 23 April 2008 (UTC) -->
; 2025
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> --><!-- "[[w:Catch-22 (logic)|Catch-22]]," the old woman repeated, rocking her head up and down. "Catch-22. --> [[w:Catch-22 (logic)|Catch-22]], says they have a right to do anything we can't stop them from doing.<!-- "<br /> "What the hell are you talking about?" Yossarian shouted at her in bewildered, furious protest. "How did you know it was Catch-22? Who the hell told you it was Catch-22?" <br /> "The soldiers with the hard white hats and clubs. The girls were crying. 'Did we do anything wrong?' they said. The men said no and pushed them away out the door with the ends of their clubs. 'Then why are you chasing us out?' the girls said. 'Catch-22,' the men said. 'What right do you have?' the girls said. 'Catch-22,' the men said. All they kept saying was 'Catch-22, Catch-22.' What does it mean, Catch-22? What is Catch-22?" <br /> "Didn't they show it to you?" Yossarian demanded, stamping about in anger and distress. "Didn't you even make them read it?" <br /> "They don't have to show us Catch-22," the old woman answered. "The [[law]] says they don't have to." <br /> "What law says they don't have to?" <br /> "Catch-22." -->
| author = [[Joseph Heller]] ~<br /> in <br />~ ''[[Catch-22]]''
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]<!-- 4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:22, 1 May 2025 (UTC) /// 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 01:33, 1 May 2017 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. </s> -->
; 2026
{{quote of the day
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The only [[wisdom]] I think I've attained is the wisdom to be [[skeptical]] of other people's [[ideology]] and other people's [[arguments]]. I tend to be a skeptic, I don't like [[dogmatic]] approaches by anybody. I don't like [[intolerance]] and a dogmatic person is intolerant of other people.<!-- It's one of the reasons I keep a distance from all religious beliefs. -->
| author = Joseph Heller
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Bystander53|bystander]]<!-- * 3 [[User:Bystander53|bystander]] ([[User talk:Bystander53|talk]]) 05:03, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
* 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 05:36, 1 May 2013 (UTC) -->
; 2027 : ''[[May 1|Rank or add further suggestions…]]''
<noinclude>
----
'''Quotes by people born this day, already used as QOTD:'''
----
* The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire. ~ [[Pierre Teilhard de Chardin]]
** used [[15 December]] 2003, selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Fossil|Fossil]] 22:03, 7 November 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:42, 7 April 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) with a VERY strong lean toward 4, [but I also remain suspicious and reluctant to count these votes of "Fossil" despite there being no absolute proof of the there being fraudulance involved in the vote]
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:57, 30 April 2009 (UTC) -->
* Nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]]
** used [[18 June]] 2008, proposed on that date as the anniversary of the [[w:Battle of Waterloo|Battle of Waterloo]] (18 June 1815) by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:27, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 22:57, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 03:10, 18 June 2008 (UTC) -->
* The history of a battle, is not unlike the history of a ball. Some individuals may recollect all the little events of which the great result is the battle won or lost, but no individual can recollect the order in which, or the exact moment at which, they occurred, which makes all the difference as to their value or importance. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]]
** used [[18 June]] 2009, proposed on that date by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] <!-- * 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:02, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:53, 30 April 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. -->
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{{QOTD Ranking}}
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== Suggestions ==
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. ~ <s>[[Joseph Addison]]</s> [[Anonymous]]
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 14:00, 30 April 2007 (UTC) <s> with a strong lean toward 4.</s> but this seems to be an anonymous proverb, and thus not attributed to Addison.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 18:22, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 19:24, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:50, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
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A man's first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart, his next to escape the censures of the world. ~ [[Joseph Addison]]
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 14:00, 30 April 2007 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 18:22, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Aphaia|Aphaia]] 19:24, 30 April 2007 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 04:50, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
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On you, my lord, with anxious fear I wait,<br>And from your judgment must expect my fate.<br>~ [[Joseph Addison]] (born May 1, 1672)
* 3 because as the main agenda of Greek philosophy has always been, one can not escape from one's own fate, especially when one does not know one's own fate to begin with. Beautiful. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 20:03, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
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Arguments out of a pretty mouth are unanswerable. ~ [[Joseph Addison]] (born May 1, 1672)
* 2 because sometimes it is truly hard to reply to a woman of sheer beauty. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 20:03, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
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Better to die ten thousand deaths,<br>Than wound my honour.<br>~ [[Joseph Addison]] (born May 1, 1672)
* 4 because dying is nothing compared to destroying or tainting one's honor, and moreso reputation. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 20:03, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3 — but this can be interpreted with both noble and ignoble senses of the word "honour"
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How beautiful is death, when earn'd by virtue!<br>Who would not be that youth? What pity is it<br>That we can die but once to serve our country!<br>~ [[Joseph Addison]] (born May 1, 1672)
* 3 because true virtue and loyalty comes from service to one's country. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 20:03, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3.
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In doing what we ought we deserve no praise,<br>Because it is our duty.<br>~ [[Joseph Addison]] (born May 1, 1672)
* 3 because this is very true. It is a gift in itself to do one's duty, and rightly so. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 20:03, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 3.
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My death and life,<br>My bane and antidote, are both before me.<br>~ [[Joseph Addison]] (born May 1, 1672)
* 3 because in some instances, everything flashes before one's eyes, life and death alike, before the end. The comparison of bane and suffering to that of life and the antidote expressed in the form of death is also magnificent. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 15:08, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 20:03, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 20:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC) but could use more context.
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My heart is broken by the terrible loss I have sustained in my old friends and companions and my poor soldiers. Believe me, nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]]
* 3 and lean toward 4. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:02, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:53, 30 April 2009 (UTC) I would rank this higher, but the last part of it was already used, on [[18 June]] [[2008]]
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I believe I forgot to tell you I was made a Duke. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]]
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:02, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:53, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
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There is no mistake; there has been no mistake; and there shall be no mistake. ~ [[Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington]]
* 3 and lean toward 4. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 22:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:02, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 23:53, 30 April 2009 (UTC)
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Morale was deteriorating and it was all Yossarian's fault. The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional [[rights]] of [[freedom]] and [[independence]] by daring to exercise them. ~ [[Joseph Heller]]
* 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 06:15, 1 May 2013 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
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"Reason conquers all." (''Ratio omnia vincit.'') ~ [[Marcus Manilius]]
* 3 (May 1 will be 2014's [[w:National Day of Reason|National Day of Reason]].) [[User:DanielTom|DanielTom]] ([[User talk:DanielTom|talk]]) 11:47, 7 January 2014 (UTC)
* 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 12:12, 7 January 2014 (UTC) but with slight lean toward 2 — Reason is valuable — but reliances upon one's own impressions in its name is often just as blinding as those in name of passion. To see beyond names and passions often requires more than the shallowest forms of reason — which all too often people believe suffices.
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{{quote of the day
| quote = “[[w:Catch-22 (logic)|Catch-22]],” the old woman repeated, rocking her head up and down. “Catch-22. Catch-22 says they have a right to do anything we can’t stop them from doing.” <br /> “What the hell are you talking about?” Yossarian shouted at her in bewildered, furious protest. “How did you know it was Catch-22? Who the hell told you it was Catch-22?” <br /> “The soldiers with the hard white hats and clubs. The girls were crying. ‘Did we do anything wrong?’ they said. The men said no and pushed them away out the door with the ends of their clubs. ‘Then why are you chasing us out?’ the girls said. ‘Catch-22,’ the men said. ‘What right do you have?’ the girls said. ‘Catch-22,’ the men said. All they kept saying was ‘Catch-22, Catch-22.’ What does it mean, Catch-22? What is Catch-22?” <br /> “Didn’t they show it to you?” Yossarian demanded, stamping about in anger and distress. “Didn’t you even make them read it?” <br /> "They don’t have to show us Catch-22,” the old woman answered. “The [[law]] says they don’t have to.” <br /> “What law says they don’t have to?” <br /> “Catch-22.”
| author = [[Joseph Heller]] ~<br /> in <br />~ ''[[Catch-22]]''
}}
* 2 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:45, 1 May 2025 (UTC) One sentence of this was used as QOTD in 2025, but I believe it still might be worth using the more extensive quote some day. <s>4 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 00:22, 1 May 2025 (UTC) /// 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 01:33, 1 May 2017 (UTC) with a lean toward 4. </s>
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*Never be deceived that the rich will allow you to vote away their [[wealth]]. ~ [[Lucy Parsons]]
:* proposed by [[User:DoSazunielle|DoSazunielle]] ([[User talk:DoSazunielle|talk]]) 11:11, 21 April 2021 (UTC)
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*We cannot help but believe that were every [[law]], every title deed, every court, and every police officer or soldier abolished tomorrow with one sweep, we would be better off than now. ~ [[Lucy Parsons]]
:* proposed by [[User:DoSazunielle|DoSazunielle]] ([[User talk:DoSazunielle|talk]]) 11:11, 21 April 2021 (UTC)
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Capitalism without competition isn’t capitalism; it’s exploitation. ~ [[Joe Biden]]
* proposed by [[User:Ilovemydoodle|Ilovemydoodle]] ([[User talk:Ilovemydoodle|talk]]) 00:06, 8 May 2022 (UTC)
* 3 <span style= "border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;">♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡</span> 01:02, 25 June 2022 (UTC)
----
* Traverse not the globe for lore! The sternest<br>But the surest teacher is the heart;<br>Studying that and that alone, thou learnest<br>Best and soonest whence and what thou art. ...{{pb}}Moor, Chinese, Egyptian, Russian, Roman,<br>Tread one common down-hill path of doom;<br>Everywhere the names are man and woman,<br>Everywhere the old sad sins find room.{{pb}}Evil angels tempt us in all places.<br>What but sands or snows hath earth to give?<br>Dream not, friend, of deserts and oases;<br>But look inwards, and begin to live. ~ [[James Clarence Mangan]] (dob)
** 3 [[User:Ficaia|Ficaia]] ([[User talk:Ficaia|talk]]) 14:32, 6 June 2024 (UTC)
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R. S. Thomas
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[[File:Reverend R S Thomas being interviewed for 'Y Cymro' (1468612).jpg|thumb|I have been all [[men]] known to [[history]], <br /> [[Wonder|Wondering]] at the world and at time passing; <br /> I have seen evil, and the light blessing <br /> Innocent love under a spring sky.]]
'''[[w:R. S. Thomas|Ronald Stuart Thomas]]''' ([[29 March]] [[1913]] – [[25 September]] [[2000]]), published as '''R. S. Thomas''', was a [[Welsh]] poet and [[Anglican]] priest who was noted for his Welsh nationalism, intense spirituality, and deep dislike of the anglicisation of Wales.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Oxwich bay gower rb 200507.jpg|thumb|"Who am I?", and the answer now came more emphatically than ever before, "No-one." <br /> But a no-one with a crown of [[light]] about his head.]]
[[File:Eglwys Sant Maelrhys ger Aberdaron, Gwynedd - St Maelrhys nr Aberdaron, Gwynedd - Grade II 28.png|thumb|You have to [[imagine]] <br /> a waiting that is not impatient <br /> because it is [[Eternity|timeless]].]]
[[File:Aberdaron church - geograph.org.uk - 13372.jpg|thumb|The <br /> [[thought]] comes <br /> of that other being who is <br /> awake, too, <br /> letting our [[prayers]] break on him, <br /> not like this for a few hours, <br /> but for days, years, for [[eternity]].]]
[[File:Awen symbol final.svg|thumb|The [[world]] needs the [[Unity|unifying]] [[power]] of the [[imagination]]. The two things that give it best are [[poetry]] and [[religion]].]]
[[File:Ccross.svg|thumb| I think that so much of our [[Christian]] [[beliefs]] … are an attempt to convey through [[language]] something which is unsayable.]]
* '''The nearest we approach [[God]]…is as [[creative]] beings.''' The [[poet]], by echoing the primary [[imagination]], recreates. Through his [[work]] he forces those who [[read]] him to do the same, thus bringing them... '''nearer to the actual [[Godhead|being of God]] as displayed in [[action]].'''
** ''The Penguin Book of Religious Verse'' (1963), p. 8
* '''Any form of orthodoxy is just not part of a [[poet]]'s province … A poet must be able to claim … freedom to follow the vision of poetry, the imaginative vision of poetry … And in any case, poetry is religion, religion is poetry.''' The message of the [[New Testament]] is poetry. [[Jesus|Christ]] was a poet, the New Testament is metaphor, the Resurrection is a metaphor; and I feel perfectly within my rights in approaching my whole vocation as priest and preacher as one who is to present poetry; and when I preach poetry I am preaching [[Christianity]], and when one discusses Christianity one is discussing poetry in its imaginative aspects. … My work as a poet has to deal with the presentation of imaginative [[truth]].
** ''R. S. Thomas : Priest and Poet'', BBC TV (2 April 1972)
* '''Imaginative truth is the most immediate way of presenting ultimate reality to a human being … ultimate reality is what we call [[God]].'''
** ''R. S. Thomas : Priest and Poet'', BBC TV (2 April 1972)
* On seeing his shadow fall on such ancient rocks, he had to question himself in a different context and ask the same old question as before, "Who am I?", and the answer now came more emphatically than ever before, "No-one." <br /> But a no-one with a crown of light about his head. He would remember a verse from [[Pindar]]: "'''Man is a dream about a shadow. But when some splendour falls upon him from God, a glory comes to him and his life is sweet.'''"
** ''Neb'' [''No-one''] (1985) <!-- See also: [[Kenosis]] -->
* '''You have to [[imagine]] <br /> a waiting that is not impatient <br /> because it is [[Eternity|timeless]].'''
** "The Echoes Return Slow" in ''The Echoes Return Slow'' (1988)
* I lie <br /> in the lean hours awake listening <br /> to the swell born somewhere in <br /> the Atlantic <br /> rising and falling, rising and <br /> falling <br /> wave on wave on the long shore <br /> by the village that is without <br /> light <br /> and companionless. And '''the <br /> [[thought]] comes <br /> of that other being who is <br /> awake, too, <br /> letting our [[prayers]] break on him, <br /> not like this for a few hours, <br /> but for days, years, for [[eternity]].'''
** "The Other" in ''The Echoes Return Slow'' (1988)
* '''Let [[despair]] be known <br /> as my ebb-tide; but let prayer <br /> have its springs, too, brimming, <br /> disarming him; discovering somewhere <br /> among his fissures deposits of mercy <br /> where trust may take root and grow.'''
** "Tidal" in ''Mass for Hard Times'' (1992), p. 43
* '''Now the power of the [[imagination]] is a unifying power, hence the force of [[metaphor]]; and the poet is the supreme manipulator of metaphor... the world needs the unifying power of the imagination. The two things that give it best are poetry and religion.'''
** ''Selected Prose'' (1995), p. 131
* '''I'm obviously not orthodox, I don't know how many real [[poets]] have ever been orthodox.'''
** "R. S. Thomas in conversation with Molly Price-Owen." in ''The David Jones Journal'' R. S. Thomas Special Issue (Summer/Autumn 2001)
* I wouldn't say that I'm an orthodox Christian at all and the longer we live in the twentieth century the more fantastic discoveries are made, the more we hear what the universe is like I find it very difficult to be a kind of orthodox believer in Jesus as my saviour and that sort of thing. I'm more interested in the extraordinary nature of God. If there is God, if there is deity, then He, even as the old hymn says, He moves in a mysterious way and I'm fascinated by that mystery and I've tried to write out of that experience of God, the fantastic side of God, the quarrel between the conception of God as a person, as having a human side, and the conception of God as being so extraordinary. … So these are still things that occupy me, and every now and again, if you're lucky, you're able to make a poem out of this conception of God … so I suppose I'm trying to appeal to people to open their eyes and their minds to the extraordinary nature of God.
** "R. S. Thomas in conversation with Molly Price-Owen" in ''The David Jones Journal'' R. S. Thomas Special Issue (Summer/Autumn 2001)
* '''True Christianity at its most profound is as good as you get. … I think I've been lucky in the period which I've lived through because obviously I would have been for the chop in earlier days.''' The Inquisition would have rooted me out; even in the 19th century I would probably have been had up by a Bishop and asked to change my views, or to keep them to myself etc.... '''I think that so much of our Christian beliefs … are an attempt to convey through language something which is unsayable.'''
** "R. S. Thomas in conversation with Molly Price-Owen" in ''The David Jones Journal'' R. S. Thomas Special Issue (Summer/Autumn 2001)
=== ''Poetry For Supper'' (1958) ===
[[File:Gian Lorenzo Bernini - Dove of the Holy Spirit.JPG|thumb|[[Sun|Sunlight]]'s a thing that needs a window <br /> Before it enter a [[dark]] room. <br /> Windows don't happen.]]
[[File:Jhwh soderhamn.jpg|thumb|God in his time <br /> Or out of time will correct this.]]
[[File:Solsort.jpg|thumb|A slow singer, but loading each phrase <br /> With [[history]]’s overtones, love, joy <br /> And grief learned by his dark tribe <br /> In other orchards and passed on <br /> Instinctively as they are now, <br /> But fresh always with new tears.]]
* "'''Verse should be as natural <br /> As the small tuber that feeds on muck <br /> And grows slowly from obtuse soil <br /> To the white flower of immortal [[beauty]]'''"
** "Poetry For Supper"
* "'''Natural, hell!''' What was it [[Geoffrey Chaucer|Chaucer]] <br /> Said once about the long toil <br /> that goes like blood to the poems making? Leave it to nature and the verse sprawls, <br /> Limp as bindweed, if it break at all <br /> Life's iron crust <br /> '''Man, you must sweat <br /> And rhyme your guts taut, if you'd build <br /> Your verse a ladder.'''"
** "Poetry For Supper"
* '''"Sunlight's a thing that needs a window <br /> Before it enter a dark room. <br /> Windows don't happen."''' <br /> So two old poets, <br /> Hunched at their beer in the low haze <br /> Of an inn parlour, while the talk ran <br /> Noisily by them, glib with prose.
** "Poetry For Supper"
* They left no books, <br /> Memorial to their lonely thought <br /> In grey parishes: rather they wrote <br /> On men's hearts and in the minds <br /> Of young children sublime words <br /> Too soon forgotten. '''God in his time <br /> Or out of time will correct this.'''
** "The Country Clergy"
* It seems wrong that out of this bird, <br /> Black, bold, a suggestion of dark <br /> Places about it, there yet should come <br /> Such rich music, as though the notes’ <br /> Ore were changed to a rare metal <br /> At one touch of that bright bill.
** "A Blackbird Singing"
* '''A slow singer, but loading each phrase <br /> With history’s overtones, love, joy <br /> And grief learned by his dark tribe <br /> In other orchards and passed on <br /> Instinctively as they are now, <br /> But fresh always with new tears.'''
** "A Blackbird Singing"
=== ''Song at the Year's Turning'' (1955) ===
:<small>''Song at the Year's Turning : Poems, 1942-1954''</small>
[[File:R S Thomas room at Llanfaelrhys Church - geograph.org.uk - 7028380.jpg|thumb|He arose, pacing the floor <br /> Strewn with books, his mind big with the poem <br /> Soon to be born, his nerves tense to endure <br /> The long [[torture]] of delayed birth.]]
[[File:Finding of Taliesin.jpg|thumb|King, beggar and fool, I have been all by turns, <br /> Knowing the body’s sweetness, the mind’s treason; <br /> [[Taliesin]] still, I show you a new [[world]], risen, <br /> Stubborn with beauty, out of the heart’s need.]]
[[File:Carreg ar lwch R S Thomas - Stone on R S Thomas's ashes - geograph.org.uk - 376579.jpg|thumb|You cannot find the centre <br /> Where we [[dance]].]]
* '''He arose, pacing the floor <br /> Strewn with books, his mind big with the poem <br /> Soon to be born, his nerves tense to endure <br /> The long torture of delayed birth.'''
** "A Person From Porlock"
* Was he balked by silence? He kneeled long, <br /> And saw love in a dark crown <br /> Of thorns blazing, and a winter tree <br /> Golden with fruit of a man's body.
** "In a Country Church"
* '''I have been all men known to history, <br /> Wondering at the world and at time passing; <br /> I have seen evil, and the light blessing <br /> Innocent love under a spring sky.'''
** "[[Taliesin]] 1952"
* I have been [[w:Merlin|Merlin]] wandering in the woods <br /> Of a far country, where the winds waken <br /> Unnatural voices, my mind broken <br /> By a sudden acquaintance with man’s rage.
** "Taliesin 1952"
* '''I have known exile and a wild passion <br /> Of longing changing to a cold ache. <br /> King, beggar and fool, I have been all by turns, <br /> Knowing the body’s sweetness, the mind’s treason; <br /> [[Taliesin]] still, I show you a new world, risen, <br /> Stubborn with beauty, out of the heart’s need.'''
** "Taliesin 1952"
* We live in our own world, <br /> A world that is too small <br /> For you to stoop and enter <br /> Even on hands and knees, <br /> The adult subterfuge.
** "Children’s Song"
* '''You cannot find the centre <br /> Where we dance''', where we play, <br /> Where life is still asleep <br /> Under the closed flower, <br /> Under the smooth shell <br /> Of eggs in the cupped nest <br /> That mock the faded blue <br /> Of your remoter heaven.
** "Children’s Song"
=== ''Tares'' (1961) ===
[[File:Flag of Wales (1959).svg|thumb|All right, I was [[Welsh]], does it matter?]]
[[File:North Wales Snowdon horseshoe.jpg|thumb|My word for heaven was not yours. <br /> The word for hell had a sharp edge <br /> Put on it by the [[hand]] of the [[wind]] <br /> Honing, honing with a shrill sound <br /> [[Day]] and [[night]].]]
[[File:Thanksgiving chapel interior.jpg|thumb|[[History]] showed us <br /> He was too big to be nailed to the wall <br /> Of a stone chapel, yet still we crammed him <br /> Between the boards of a black book.]]
[[File:DTI-sagittal-fibers.jpg|thumb|I am a man now. <br /> Pass your hand over my brow. <br /> You can feel the place where the [[brains]] grow.]]
[[File:DesenhodabandaYggDrasil.jpg|thumb|I am like a tree, <br /> From my top boughs I can see <br /> The footprints that led up to me.]]
[[File:Neuron-SEM-2.png|thumb|It is too late to start <br /> For destinations not of the heart. <br /> I must stay here with my hurt.]]
* '''All right, I was [[Welsh]]. Does it matter?''' <br /> I spoke a tongue that was passed on <br /> To me in the place I happened to be, <br /> A place huddled between grey walls <br /> Of cloud for at least half the year. <br /> My word for heaven was not yours. <br /> The word for hell had a sharp edge <br /> Put on it by the hand of the wind <br /> Honing, honing with a shrill sound <br /> Day and night. Nothing that [[w:Owain Glyndŵr|Glyn Dwr]] <br /> Knew was armour against the rain's <br /> Missiles. What was descent from him?
** "A Welsh Testament"
* '''Even [[God]] had a Welsh name: <br /> He spoke to him in the old language'''; <br /> He was to have a peculiar care <br /> For the Welsh people. [[History]] showed us <br /> '''He was too big to be nailed to the wall <br /> Of a stone chapel, yet still we crammed him <br /> Between the boards of a black book.'''
** "A Welsh Testament"
* '''Yet men sought us despite this.''' <br /> My high cheek-bones, my length of skull <br /> Drew them as to a rare portrait <br /> By a dead master. I saw them stare <br /> From their long cars, as I passed knee-deep <br /> In ewes and wethers. I saw them stand <br /> By the thorn hedges, watching me string <br /> The far flocks on a shrill whistle. <br /> And always there was their eyes; strong <br /> Pressure on me: You are Welsh, they said; <br /> Speak to us so; keep your fields free <br /> Of the smell of petrol, the loud roar <br /> Of hot tractors; we must have peace <br /> And quietness.
** "A Welsh Testament"
* '''Is a museum <br /> Peace?''' I asked. Am I the keeper <br /> Of the heart's relics, blowing the dust <br /> In my own eyes? I am a man; <br /> I never wanted the drab role <br /> Life assigned me, an actor playing <br /> To the past's audience upon a stage <br /> Of earth and stone; the absurd label <br /> Of birth, of race hanging askew <br /> About my shoulders. I was in prison <br /> Until you came; your voice was a key <br /> Turning in the enormous lock <br /> Of hopelessness. Did the door open <br /> To let me out or yourselves in?
** "A Welsh Testament"
* I am a man now. <br /> Pass your hand over my brow. <br /> You can feel the place where the brains grow.
** "Here"
* '''I am like a [[tree]], <br /> From my top boughs I can see <br /> The footprints that led up to me.'''
** "Here"
* There is blood in my veins <br /> That has run clear of the stain <br /> Contracted in so many loins.
** "Here"
* Why, then, are my hands red <br /> with the blood of so many dead? <br /> Is this where I was misled?
** "Here"
* Why are my hands this way <br /> That they will not do as i say? <br /> Does no [[God]] hear when I pray?
** "Here"
* I have nowhere to go. <br /> The swift satellites show <br /> The clock of my whole being is slow.
** "Here"
* '''It is too late to start <br /> For destinations not of the [[heart]]. <br /> I must stay here with my hurt.'''
** "Here"
=== ''The Bread of Truth'' (1963) ===
[[File:AnttlersNewM45.jpg|thumb|The deep spaces between [[stars]], <br /> Fathomless as the cold [[shadow]] <br /> His [[mind]] cast.]]
* '''The deep spaces between [[stars]], <br /> Fathomless as the cold [[shadow]] <br /> His [[mind]] cast.'''
** "[[Wallace Stevens]]", p. 25
=== ''Pietá'' (1966) ===
* She is young. Have I the right <br /> Even to name her? Child, <br /> It is not [[love]] I offer <br /> Your quick limbs, your eyes; <br /> Only the barren homage <br /> Of an old man whom [[time]] <br /> Crucifies.
** "The Dance"
=== ''Laboratories of the Spirit'' (1975) ===
[[File:Milky Way over the Crannog at Llangorse Lake, South Wales.jpg|thumb|It is [[Life|alive]]. It is you, <br /> [[God]]. Looking out I can see <br /> no [[death]].]]
<!--[[File:Moonlight shadow.jpg|thumb|The [[darkness]] <br /> is the deepening [[shadow]] <br /> of your presence.]]-->
[[File:Paxtons Tower under Milky Way.jpg|thumb|[[Life]] is not hurrying <br /> on to a receding [[future]], nor hankering after <br /> an imagined [[past]]. It is the turning <br /> aside like [[Moses]] to the [[miracle]] <br /> of the lit bush...]]
* '''Deliver me from the long drought <br /> of the [[mind]].''' Let leaves <br /> from the deciduous Cross <br /> fall on us, washing <br /> us clean, turning our autumn <br /> to gold by the affluence of their fountain.
** "Prayer", p. 10
* '''It is [[Life|alive]]. It is you, <br /> [[God]]. Looking out I can see <br /> no [[death]].''' The [[earth]] moves, the <br /> [[sea]] moves, the [[wind]] goes <br /> on its exuberant <br /> journeys. Many creatures <br /> reflect you, the [[flowers]] <br /> your color, the tides the precision <br /> of your calculations. There <br /> is nothing too ample <br /> for you to overflow, nothing <br /> so small that your workmanship <br /> is not revealed.
** "Alive", p. 51
* '''The [[darkness]] <br /> is the deepening [[shadow]] <br /> of your presence; the [[silence]] a <br /> process in the metabolism <br /> of the being of [[love]].'''
** "Alive", p. 51
* [[Life]] is not hurrying <br /> on to a receding [[future]], nor hankering after <br /> an imagined [[past]]. It is the turning <br /> aside like [[Moses]] to the [[miracle]] <br /> of the lit bush, to a brightness <br /> that seemed as transitory as your youth <br /> once, but is the [[eternity]] that awaits you.
** "The Bright Field", p. 60
=== ''Frequencies'' (1978) ===
[[File:AzaraxshTaleghan.gif|thumb|A [[power]] guided my [[hand]].]]
[[File:Cwod Prifysgol Bangor, Bangor Uchaf - The quadrangle in the main college building, University of Bangor, Wales 107.jpg|thumb|It was not <br /> I who lived, but [[life]] rather <br /> that lived me.]]
* '''Sometimes a strange [[light]] <br /> shines, purer than the [[moon]], <br /> casting no [[shadow]], that is <br /> the halo upon the bones <br /> of the pioneers who died for [[truth]].'''
** "Groping", p. 12
* '''There was a larger pattern <br /> we worked at: they on a big <br /> loom, I with a small needle.'''
** "In Context", p. 13
* '''A [[power]] guided my [[hand]].''' If an invisible company <br /> waited to see what I would do, <br /> I in my own way asked for <br /> direction, so we should journey together <br /> a little nearer the accomplishment <br /> of the [[design]].
** "In Context"
* '''It was not <br /> I who lived, but [[life]] rather <br /> that lived me.'''
** "In Context"
* Is there a place <br /> here for the [[spirit]]? Is there [[time]] <br /> on this brief platform for anything <br /> other than [[mind]]'s failure to explain itself?
** "Balance", p. 49
=== ''Between Here and Now'' (1981) ===
[[File:Aberdaron church - geograph.org.uk - 13372.jpg|thumb|[[Art]] is recuperation from [[time]]. I lie back convalescing upon the prospect of a harvest already at hand.]]
[[File:Llyn Ogwen Milky Way (cropped).jpg|thumb|Ah, what balance is needed at the edges of such an abyss.]]
[[File:Michelangelo Buonarroti 017.jpg|thumb|What to do but, like [[Michelangelo]]’s Adam, put my hand out into unknown space, hoping for the reciprocating touch?]]
* '''[[Art]] is recuperation <br /> from time. I lie back <br /> convalescing upon the prospect <br /> of a [[harvest]] already at hand.'''
** "Pissaro: Kitchen Garden, Trees in Bloom", p. 41
* In the [[silence]] <br /> that is his chosen medium <br /> of communication and telling <br /> others about it <br /> in words. Is there no way <br /> not to be the sport <br /> of [[reason]]?
** "The New Mariner", p. 99
* I had looked forward <br /> to old age as a time <br /> of quietness, a time to draw <br /> my horizons about me, <br /> to watch memories ripening <br /> in the sunlight of a walled garden. <br /> But there is the void <br /> over my head and the distance <br /> within that the tireless signals <br /> come from. And astronaut <br /> on impossible journeys <br /> to the far side of the self <br /> I return with messages <br /> I cannot decipher.
** "The New Mariner", p. 99
* '''Ah, what balance is needed at <br /> the edges of such an abyss.''' <br /> I am left alone on the surface <br /> of a turning planet. What <p> to do but, like [[Michelangelo]]’s <br /> Adam, put my [[hand]] <br /> out into unknown space, <br /> hoping for the reciprocating touch?
** "Threshold", p. 110
=== ''Later Poems'' (1983) ===
[[File:NautilusCutawayLogarithmicSpiral.jpg|thumb|What was the shell doing, <br /> on the shore? An ear endlessly <br /> drinking?]]
* somewhere within sight <br /> of the [[tree]] of [[poetry]] <br /> that is [[eternity]] wearing <br /> the green leaves of [[time]].
** "Prayer"
* What was the shell doing, <br /> on the shore? An ear endlessly <br /> drinking? <br /> What? Sound? Silence? <br /> Which came first? <br /> '''Listen.'''
** "Questions"
=== ''No Truce with the Furies'' (1995) ===
[[File:Chartres - portail royal, tympan central.jpg|thumb|All [[art]] is [[anonymous]].]]
* I turn now <br /> not to [[the Bible]] <br /> but to '''[[Wallace Stevens]]'''
** "Homage to Wallace Stevens"
* '''[[Blessings]], Stevens'''; <br /> I stand with my back to grammar <br /> At an altar you never aspired <br /> to, celebrating the sacrament <br /> of the [[imagination]] whose high-priest <br /> notwithstanding you are.
** "Homage to Wallace Stevens"
* '''All [[art]] is [[anonymous]].'''
** "Anybody's Alphabet"
== Quotes about Thomas ==
[[File:Newport Cathedral.jpg|thumb|In [[Christian]] terms, Thomas is not a [[poet]] of the transfiguration, of the [[resurrection]], of [[human]] [[holiness]] … He is a poet of the cross, the unanswered [[prayer]], the bleak trek through [[darkness]]. ~ [[w:A. E. Dyson|A. E. Dyson]] ]]
[[File:The Storm Spirits.jpg|thumb| Thomas offers a “sustained critique” not of [[Romance|Romanticism]], but of a [[world]] that has “eroded away”— a world that has abandoned Romantic [[imagination]]. ~ Daniel Westover]]
[[File:LightningOverEdson.JPG|thumb|Thomas finds the [[God]] of [[nature]] elusive, but when He reveals Himself, he does so through the natural [[world]]. ~ Daniel Westover ]]
[[File:The Keep Cardiff Castle.jpg|thumb|Thomas is the [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn|Solzhenitsyn]] of Wales; a writer of violent [[integrity]], conscience-stricken at the state of his country, haunted still by the image of it he saw as a child.]]
* '''He was wonderful, very [[pure]], very bitter but the bitterness was beautifully and very sparely rendered.''' He was completely authoritative, a very, very fine poet, completely off on his own, out of the loop but a real [[individual]]. It's not about being a major or minor poet. It's about getting a [[work]] absolutely right by your own standards and he did that wonderfully well.
** [[Al Alvarez]], as quoted in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2000/sep/27/books.booksnews "Wales loses its most sustained lyric voice" in ''The Guardian'' (27 September 2000)]
* '''His [[example]] reduces most modern verse to footling whimsy.'''
**[[Kingsley Amis]], in 1956, as quoted in ''A Guide to Twentieth Century Literature in English'' (1983)
* '''R. S. Thomas continues to articulate through his [[poetry]] questions that are inscribed on the [[heart]] of most Christian pilgrims in their search for [[meaning]] and [[truth]].''' We search for God and feel Him near at hand, only then to blink and find Him gone. This poetry persuades us that we are not alone in this experience of faith — the poet has been there before us.
** [[w: Barry Morgan| Barry Morgan]], Archbishop of Wales, as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-22494073 "RS Thomas centenary celebrated by Bangor Cathedral service" at ''BBC News'' (11 May 2013)]
* '''I am not notably frivolous, but whenever I read R. S. Thomas’s [[poetry]], or his [[biography]], I cannot help but reflect that, like the majority of [[mankind]], I have spent most of my life chasing false [[gods]].'''
** [[Anthony Daniels (psychiatrist)|Theodore Dalrymple]], in [http://www.city-journal.org/html/rev2006-11-06td.html "A Man Out of Time: A life of poet R. S. Thomas entertains and illumines" in ''City Journal'' (6 November 2006)]
* Thomas is not a Wordsworthian poet, and his “[[nature]]” is not [[William Wordsworth|Wordsworth]]’s; it is [[history]], rather than [[divinity]], which he responds to most, in the bleak beauty of Wales. In Christian terms, Thomas is not a poet of the transfiguration, of the [[resurrection]], of [[human]] [[holiness]] … '''He is a poet of the cross, the unanswered [[prayer]], the bleak trek through [[darkness]].'''
** [[w:A. E. Dyson|A. E. Dyson]], in ''Yeats, Eliot, and R.S. Thomas: Riding the Echo'' (1981), p. 296
* '''Thomas has been famously plain-spoken — within the prevailing unclearess.''' Every poem represents an act of [[will]] with which he tries to beat a path, to habituate the microbe, to define its Christian antecedents. It is a painstaking effort: he must find a [[language]] that is exact, spare, solid, disciplined yet resonant.
** John Pikoulis and Martin Roberts, in [http://www.poetrymagazines.org.uk/magazine/record.asp?id=13469 "R.S. Thomas's Existential Agony" in ''Poetrywales'', Vol. 29, No. 1 (July 1993)]
* '''A recurrent theme in his poetry is that of [[God]] as a kind of [[Trickster|joker]] — benign and malign by bewilderingly unpredictable turns.''' … Improving our understanding of temporal existence by distortion is exactly what, Thomas came to feel, the Surrealists did. That he saw their [[work]] as approximating that of the subtlest theologians is clear from the fine poem about [[Søren Kierkegaard|Kierkegaard]] he included in his final volume, ''No Truce with the Furies'', where '''Thomas's favorite theological thinker is characterized as "the first / of the Surrealists, picturing / our condition with the draughtsmanship / of a [[Salvador Dalí|Dali]]".'''
** [http://www.articlearchives.com/crime-law-enforcement-corrections/criminal-arrests/1871928-1.html M. Wynn Thomas in "The fantastic side of God: R. S. Thomas and Jorge Luis Borges" in ''Renascence: Essays on Values in Literature'' (January 2008)]
* '''RS Thomas is widely recognised as the major British religious poet of the later 20th Century.''' … His poems challenge, move and inspire readers throughout the world.
** Reverend Canon Robert Townsend, as quoted in [http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-22494073 "RS Thomas centenary celebrated by Bangor Cathedral service" at ''BBC News'' (11 May 2013)]
* '''Thomas offers a “sustained critique” not of [[Romance|Romanticism]], but of a [[world]] that has “eroded away”— a world that has abandoned Romantic [[imagination]].''' … Thomas intends to resist the anti-romantic Modern spirit. Moreover, as he struggles with his personal [[faith]], the poet’s Romantic imagination defines his attempts to commune with [[God]].
** Daniel Westover, in [http://www.flint.umich.edu/~ellisjs/Westover.pdf "A God of Grass and Pen: R.S. Thomas and the Romantic Imagination" in ''North American Journal of Welsh Studies'', Vol. 3, 2 (Summer 2003)]
* In [[nature]], it is divinity, rather than [[history]], which Thomas responds to most. … '''Thomas finds the [[God]] of nature elusive, but when He reveals Himself, he does so through the natural [[world]].''' God’s reflection, His shadow, and His echo exist in the Welsh hills. His influence there is both a presence and an absence (and, at times, an absence that is like a presence).
** Daniel Westover, in "A God of Grass and Pen: R.S. Thomas and the Romantic Imagination" in ''North American Journal of Welsh Studies'', Vol. 3, 2 (Summer 2003)
* '''Thomas continues to [[believe]] that somewhere beyond [[God]]’s metaphoric manifestations, somewhere beyond the questions and sufferings, there is an actual [[God]] — inexplicably, even intentionally absent — but [[real]], and one day He may permanently end "the long drought of the [[mind]]."'''
** Daniel Westover, in "A God of Grass and Pen: R.S. Thomas and the Romantic Imagination" in ''North American Journal of Welsh Studies'', Vol. 3, 2 (Summer 2003)
* Another uncompromising poet whom [[John Betjeman|Betjeman]] greatly admired was R. S. Thomas who has been described as the [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn|Solzhenitsyn]] of Wales "because he was a troubler of the Welsh [[conscience]]."
** [[w:A. N. Wilson|A. N. Wilson]] in '' Betjeman: A Life'' (2006), p. 249
* '''Thomas is the [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn|Solzhenitsyn]] of Wales; a writer of violent [[integrity]], conscience-stricken at the state of his country, haunted still by the image of it he saw as a child.'''
** Award ceremony dedication (6 July 2000) published in "R.S. Thomas: A Tribute" in ''The Transactions of the Honourable Society of Cymmrodorian'' (2000)
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoet.do?poetId=7175 Profile at Poetry Archive]
*[http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/r-s-thomas Profile at Poetry Foundation]
*[http://rsthomas.bangor.ac.uk//index.html R. S. Thomas Study Centre]
*[http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/2000/sep/27/guardianobituaries.books?INTCMP=SRCH ''Guardian'' obituary (27 September 2000)]
*[http://www.poetrymagazines.org.uk/magazine/record.asp?id=13469 "R.S. Thomas's Existential Agony" by John Pikoulis and Martin Roberts]
* [http://www.poetrymagazines.org.uk/magazine/record.asp?id=12607 "On not catching the poacher: R.S. Thomas" in ''Thumbscrew'' No. 4 (Spring 1996)]
* [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/942723.stm"RS Thomas - Wales' s outspoken poet" at ''BBC News'' (6 September 2000)]
*[http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/the_tls/article3440356.ece "The Country Clergy": a poem by R. S. Thomas]
* [http://www.articlearchives.com/renascence/essays-values-literature/996168-1.html Essays on Thomas at ''Renascence: Essays on Values in Literature'']
*[http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00j8dnd "Alone Together" — a BBC Radio Play about his life and relationship with his wife, by Neil McKay (22 March 2009)]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Thomas, R. S.}}
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[[Category:Absurdists]]
[[Category:Anglicans from the United Kingdom]]
[[Category:Clergy]]
[[Category:Humanists]]
[[Category:Pacifists]]
[[Category:Mystics]]
[[Category:Poets from Wales]]
[[Category:People from Cardiff]]
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[[File:Celestial clock.jpg|thumb|The [[Moment|Now]], that indivisible point which studs the length of [[infinite]] line <br> Whose [[ends]] are nowhere, is thine [[all]], the puny all thou callest thine. ~ [[Richard Francis Burton]] ]]
:''This article is about the temporal point between past and future. For the freely-transferred article, see [[gift]].''
The '''[[w:present|present]]''' (or '''[[now]]''') is the [[time]] range associated with the events perceived directly for the first time, not as a recollection (perceived more than once) or a speculation (predicted, hypothesis, uncertain). It is a period of time between the [[past]] and the [[future]], and can vary in [[meaning]] from an instant to a day or longer. It is sometimes represented as a hyperplane in [[w:space-time|space-time]], typically called "'''now'''", although modern [[physics]] demonstrates that such a hyperplane cannot be defined uniquely for observers in relative motion.
__NOTOC__
:<small> [[#A|A]] · [[#B|B]] · [[#C|C]] · [[#D|D]] · [[#E|E]] · [[#F|F]] · [[#G|G]] · [[#H|H]] · [[#I|I]] · [[#J|J]] · [[#K|K]] · [[#L|L]] · [[#M|M]] · [[#N|N]] · [[#O|O]] · [[#P|P]] · [[#Q|Q]] · [[#R|R]] · [[#S|S]] · [[#T|T]] · [[#U|U]] · [[#V|V]] · [[#W|W]] · [[#X|X]] · [[#Y|Y]] · [[#Z|Z]] · [[#See also|See also]] · [[#External links|External links]]</small>
==A==
*Should not a true understanding of life promote care for the [[future]] along with the present? This is the immediate duty of every scientist. Until now scientists have dealt with life as finite — is it not now their mission to see life as extending into [[Infinity]]? 553.
**[[Agni Yoga]], ''Agni Yoga'' (1929)
* [[History]] is about the past. Yet it exists only in the present – the moment of its creation as history provides us with a narrative constructed after the events with which it is concerned. The narrative must then relate to the moment of its creation as much as its historical subject. History presents an [[historian]] with the task of producing a dialogue between the past and the present. But as these temporal co-ordinates cannot be fixed, history becomes a continuous interaction between the historian and the past. As such, history can be seen as a process of evaluation whereby the past is always coloured by the intellectual fashions and philosophical concerns of the present.
** [[Dana Arnold]], ''Reading Architectural History'' (2002), Ch. 1 : Reading the past : What is architectural history?
==B==
[[File:Jerome Bixby 5409.jpg|thumb|One man can change the present. ~ [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]] ]]
*We must not confuse the present with the past. With regard to the past, no further action is possible.
** [[Simone de Beauvoir]], ''[[w:The Ethics of Ambiguity|The Ethics of Ambiguity]]'' (1947), ''Pour une morale de l'ambiguïté'' as translated by [http://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/ambiguity/index.htm Full text online], [http://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/ambiguity/ch03.htm#s2 Pt. III : The Positive Aspect of Ambiguity], Ch. 1 : The Aesthetic Attitude
*Live in the present and shape the future, do not be casting lingering looks to the distant past for the past has passed away, never again to return.
** [[Subramanya Bharathi]], as quoted in [http://www.sangam.org/2008/01/Bharathiar.php?uid=2727 "The People's Poet" by N. Nandhivarman in ''TamilSydney'' (7 January 2008)]
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''If change is inevitable, predictable, beneficial, doesn't logic demand that you be a part of it?'''
* '''Mirror Spock''': '''One man cannot summon the future.'''
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''But one man can change the present.'''
** Star Trek: The Original Series episode ''[[w:Mirror, Mirror (Star Trek: The Original Series)|Mirror, Mirror]]'' (6 October 1967) by [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]]
* The [[Now]], that indivisible point which studs the length of [[infinite]] line <br> Whose [[ends]] are nowhere, is thine [[all]], the puny all thou callest thine.
**[[Richard Francis Burton]], in ''[[w:The Kasidah|The Kasîdah of Hâjî Abdû El-Yezdî]]'' (1870), IX.
==C==
*[[Impermanence]] becomes vivid in the present moment; so do compassion and wonder and courage. And so does fear.
**[[Pema Chödrön|Pema Chödrön]], ''When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times'' (1997)
* The natural quality of mind is clear, awake, alert, and knowing. Free from fixation. By training in being present, we come to know the nature of our mind. So the more you train in being present - being right here - the more you begin to feel like your mind is sharpening up. The mind that can come back to the present is clearer and more refreshed, and it can better weather all the ambiguities, pains, and paradoxes of life... The principle of nowness is very important to any effort to establish an enlightened society.
**[[Pema Chödrön|Pema Chödrön]], ''How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind'' (2008)
==D==
* The present is not a potential past; it is the moment of choice and action; we can not avoid living it through a [[project]]; and there is no project which is purely contemplative since one always projects himself toward something, toward the future; to put oneself "outside" is still a way of living the inescapable fact that one is inside.
** [[Simone de Beauvoir]], {{cite book |title={{w|The Ethics of Ambiguity}} |date=1948 |publisher=Philosophical Library |isbn=978-0-8065-0160-4}} [https://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/ambiguity/ch03.htm Part III: The Positive Aspect of Ambiguity].
* Happy the man, and happy he alone,
:He who can call today his own;
:He who, secure within, can say,
:Tomorrow, do thy worst, for I have lived today.
:* [[John Dryden]], ''Imitation of [[Horace]]'' (1685), 29th Ode, § 8.
==E==
* ''Gott ist ein Gott der Gegenwart. Wie er dich findet, so nimmt und empfängt er dich, nicht als das, was du gewesen, sondern als das, was du jetzt bist.''
** God is a God of the present. How he finds you, so he takes and receives you, not as that which you have been, but as that which you now are.
** [[Meister Eckhart]], ''Deutsche Predigten und Traktate'', J. Quint, ed., p. 72
[[File:Vittore carpaccio, scuola degli albanesi, presentazione della vergine al tempio 01.jpg|thumb|right|It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing. ~ [[Robert Frost]] ]]
[[File:Graffito of Emma Goldman in Montreal, Canada.jpg|thumb|right|To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone. ~ [[Emma Goldman]] ]]
[[File:Stereographic projection of rational points.svg|thumb|The present is an infinitesimal between two infinites. 'Tis a line (a thing without breadth or thickness) moving across the surface of [[Eternity]]. The present is no more, by the time you have said, This is present. ~ [[w:Henry Harland|Henry Harland]] ]]
[[File:RepublicanWoman1936GTaro.jpg|thumb|right|Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. ~ [[Ernest Hemingway]] ]]
==F==
* '''It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing.'''
** [[Robert Frost]], "Escapist — Never'' (1962)
==G==
* '''To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone.'''
** [[Emma Goldman]], ''My Disillusionment in Russia'' (1923), existing in manuscript as "My Two Years in Russia" this work was published as [http://www.ditext.com/goldman/russia/russia.html ''My Disillusionment with Russia''] (1923), and [http://www.panarchy.org/goldman/russia.1924.html ''My Further Disillusionment with Russia''] (1924) and finally as a complete one-volume edition (1925)
==H==
[[File:Boston Museum of Fine Artes.jpg|thumb|right|History is not simply the study of the past. It is an explanation of the present. ~ [[w:David Hemingson|David Hemingson]]]]
[[File:ErnestHemingway.jpg|thumb|right|What will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. It's been that way all this year. It's been that way so many times. ~ [[Robert A. Heinlein]]]]
* The present is an infinitesimal between two infinites. 'Tis a line (a thing without breadth or thickness) moving across the surface of [[Eternity]]. The present is no more, by the time you have said, This is present.
** [[w:Henry Harland|Henry Harland]], ''The Lady Paramount'' (1902), Ch. VII.
* There's nothing new in human experience, Mr. Tully. Each generation thinks it invented debauchery or suffering or rebellion, but man's every impulse and appetite from the disgusting to the sublime is on display right here all around you. So, before you dismiss something as boring or irrelevant, remember, '''if you truly want to understand the present or yourself, you must begin in the past. You see, history is not simply the study of the past. It is an explanation of the present.'''
** Spoken by Paul Hunham (played by [[w:Paul Giamatti|Paul Giamatti]]) to Angus Tully (played by [[w:Dominic Sessa|Dominic Sessa]] in the Boston [[w:Museum of Fine Arts, Boston|Museum of Fine Arts]], ''[[The Holdovers]]'' (October 27, 2023) written by [[w:David Hemingson|David Hemingson]]. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhKLpJmHhIg&t=1m44s The middle] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhKLpJmHhIg THE HOLDOVERS - Official Trailer [HD] - In Select Theaters October 27, Everywhere November 10]" (17.07.2023) by user "Focus Features".
* '''Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. It's been that way all this year. It's been that way so many times.''' All of [[war]] is that way.
** [[Ernest Hemingway]], ''[[w: For Whom the Bell Tolls|For Whom the Bell Tolls]]'' (1940).
==J==
* At the beginning of the new millennium, and at the close of the Great Jubilee during which we celebrated the two thousandth anniversary of the birth of Jesus and a new stage of the Church's journey begins, our hearts ring out with the words of Jesus when one day, after speaking to the crowds from Simon's boat, he invited the Apostle to "put out into the deep" for a catch: "Duc in altum" (Lk 5:4). Peter and his first companions trusted Christ's words, and cast the nets. "When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish" (Lk 5:6). Duc in altum! These words ring out for us today, and they invite us to '''remember the past with gratitude''', to '''live the present with enthusiasm and''' to '''look forward to the future with confidence''': "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and for ever" (Heb 13:8).
** [[Pope John Paul II]], Apostolic Letter Novo Millenio Ineunte of His Holiness John Paul II to the Bishop Clergy and Lay Faithful at the close of the Great Jubilee of the Year 2000 (6 January 2001). [https://web.archive.org/web/20220416081838/https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html Archived] from [https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html the original] on April 16, 2022.
* [[Martin Heidegger|Heidegger]]'s ''Sein und Zeit'' [''Being and Time'']... develops a "fundamental [[ontology]]" according to the modes in which the self "exists,"... and originates... several meanings of Being...explicated in a number of fundamental categories... [i.e.,] "existentials"... functional structures of the active movement of inner time by which a "world" is entertained and the self [is] originated as a continuous event. The "existentials" have... a profoundly temporal meaning... [i.e.,] categories of internal or mental time, the true dimension of existence... must exhibit, and distribute between them, the three horizons of time—past, present, and future... [I]n the classical... "table of categories"... the column under... "present" remains practically empty... For the existentially "genuine" present is the present of the "situation," which is wholly defined in terms of the self's ''relation'' to its "future" and "past." It flashes up... in the light of decision, when the projected "future" reacts upon the given "past" (''Geworfenheit'') and in this meeting constitutes what Heidegger calls the "moment" (''Augenblick''): moment, not duration, is the temporal mode of this "present"—a creature of the other two horizons of time, a function of their ceaseless dynamics, and no independent dimension to dwell in. ...a derivative and "deficient" mode of existence. ...[A]ll the relevant categories of existence... having to do with the possible authenticity of selfhood, fall in correlate pairs under... either past or future... No present remains for genuine existence to repose in. Leaping off... from its past, existence projects itself into the future; faces its ultimate limit, death; returns from this [[Eschatology|eschatological]] glimpse of nothingness... [T]here is no present to dwell in, only the crisis between past and future... balanced on the razor's edge of decision which thrusts ahead.
** {{w|Hans Jonas}}, ''[[The Gnostic Religion]]: The Message of the Alien God and the Beginning of Christianity'' (1963) pp. 335-336.
* To look at what is there, at nature as it is in itself, at Being, the ancients called... contemplation, ''theoria''. But... if contemplation is left with only the irrelevantly extant, then it loses the noble status... as does the repose in the present... ''Theoria'' had that dignity because of its [[w:Platonism|Platonic]] implications—because it beheld eternal objects in the [[w:Theory of forms|forms]] of things, a transcendence of immutable being shining through the transparency of becoming. Immutable being is everlasting present, in which contemplation can share in the brief durations of the temporal present. Thus it is eternity, not time, that grants a present and gives it a status of its own in the flux of time; and it is the loss of eternity which accounts for the loss of a genuine present. Such a loss of eternity is the disappearance of the world of ideas and ideals in which [[Martin Heidegger|Heidegger]] sees the true meaning of [[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche]]'s "God is dead"; ...[i.e.,] the absolute victory of {{w|nominalism}} over realism. ...[T]he same cause which is at the root of [[nihilism]] is also at the root of the radical temporality of [[Martin Heidegger|Heidegger]]'s scheme of existence...
** {{w|Hans Jonas}}, ''[[The Gnostic Religion]]: The Message of the Alien God and the Beginning of Christianity'' (1963) p. 338.
[[File:Ritratto di papa Giovanni Paolo II (1984 – edited).jpg|thumb|Remember the past with gratitude, live the present with enthusiasm and look forward to the future with confidence. ~ [[Pope John Paul II]] ]]
[[File:A mosaic LAW by Frederick Dielman, 1847-1935.JPG|thumb|Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance. ~ Thomas R. Kearns ]]
[[File:Adam Bernaert - "Vanitas" Still Life - Walters 37682.jpg|thumb|We need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]].]]
[[File:Fox movietone 2.jpg|thumb|right|We think we’re in the [[present]], but we aren’t. The present we [[know]] is only a movie of the [[past]]. ~ [[Ken Kesey]] ]]
==K==
* All that was left was the ceaselessly shrinking fragment of time called "now."
**Anna Kavan, ''Ice'' (1967)
* '''Here our interest is directed to the temporal dimension of legality, the way law stands in relation to the past, the present, and the future. Law in the modern era is, we believe, one of the most important of our society’s technologies for preserving memory. Just as the use of precedent to legitimate legal decisions fixes law in a particular relation to the past, memory may be attached, or attach itself, to law and be preserved in and through law. Where this is the case, it serves as one way of orienting ourselves to the future. As Drucilla Cornell puts it: “Legal interpretation demands that we remember the future.” In that phrase, Cornell reminds us that there are, in fact, two [[audiences]] for every legal act, the audience of the present and the audience of the future. Law materializes memory in documents, transcripts, written opinions; it reenacts the past, both intentionally and unconsciously, and it is one place where the present speaks to the future through acts of commemoration.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.12-13
* Because the litigated case creates a record, courts can become archives in which that record serves as the materialization of memory. Due process guarantees an opportunity to be heard by, and an opportunity to speak to, the future. It is the guarantee that legal institutions can be turned into museums of unnecessary, unjust, undeserved pain and death. The legal hearing provides lawyers and litigants an opportunity to write and record history by creating narratives of present injustices, and to insist on memory in the face of denial. By recording such history and constructing such narratives lawyers and litigants call on an imagined future to choose Justice over the “jurispathic” tendencies of the moment.
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.13
* '''Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. pp.13-14
* There are those who regard this history of past strife and exile as better forgotten. But, to use the phrase of [[William Butler Yeats|Yeats]], let us not casually reduce "that great past to a trouble of fools." For '''we need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland ([[28 June]] [[1963]])
* We are always acting on what has just finished happening. It happened at least 1/30th of a second ago. '''We think we’re in the present, but we aren’t. The present we know is only a movie of the [[past]].'''
** [[Ken Kesey]], As quoted by Tom Wolfe in ''The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test'' (1968) Ch. 11.
==L==
* The present! it is but a drop from the sea<br>In the mighty depths of eternity.<br>I love it not—it taketh its birth<br>Too near to the dull and the common earth.<br>It is worn with our wants, and steeped with our cares,<br>The dreariest aspect of life it wears;<br>Its griefs are so fresh, its wrongs are so near,<br>That its evils of giant shape appear;<br>The curse of the serpent, the sweat of the brow,<br>Lie heavy on all things surrounding us now.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''The Vow of the Peacock'' (1835). Opening lines.
* Not to the present is our hour confined,<br>The great and shadowy future is assigned<br>To be the glorious empire of the mind.<br><br>The past was once the future, and it wrought<br>In the high presence of on-looking thought ;<br>All that we have, was by its efforts brought.<br><br>To-day creates to-morrow, and the tree<br>Of good or ill grows in past hours, what we<br>Make for the future — certain is to be.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''[[Ethel Churchill (or The Two Brides)]]'' (1838), Vol III. Chapter 8
* The dogmas of the quiet past, are inadequate to the stormy present.
** [[Abraham Lincoln]], Annual Message to Congress (1 December 1862).
* Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant! </br>Let the dead Past bury its dead! </br>Act, — act in the living Present! </br>Heart within, and [[God]] o’erhead!
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''A Psalm of Life''.
* We are making the future as well as bonding to survive the enormous pressures of the present, and that is what it means to be a part of history.
** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}}
==M==
* In an era of stress and anxiety, when the present seems unstable and the future unlikely, the natural response is to retreat and withdraw from reality, taking recourse either in fantasies of the future or in modified visions of a half-imagined past.
** [[Alan Moore]], ''[[Watchmen]]''
==O==
* Don’t shortchange the future, because of fear in the present.
** [[Barack Obama]], 10 Downing Street reception speech, April 1 2009.
==P==
* Do not think<br>I’ve reached where I am now<br>by slipping like a landslide<br>or evaporating like a cloud.
** [[Suman Pokhrel]], ''While Parting''
==R==
* There was nothing for it but to pace through just behind or ahead of the spooling present that was never there, caught in the nonexistent interval between the nonexistent past and the nonexistent future.
** [[Kim Stanley Robinson]], ''Galileo's Dream'' (2009), Ch. 13, p. 282.
==S==
[[File:Spock and parents 1968.jpg|thumb|When emotion brings us ghosts from the past, only logic can root us in the present. ~ [[w:Sarek|Sarek]] ]]
* '''When emotion brings us ghosts from the past, only logic can root us in the present.'''
** [[w:Sarek|Sarek]] in the [[Star Trek: Discovery]] episode [[w:The Vulcan Hello|The Vulcan Hello]] from September 24, 2017. Story by [[w:Bryan Fuller|Bryan Fuller]] and [[w:Alex Kurtzman|Alex Kurtzman]] as well as teleplay by Bryan Fuller and [[w:Akiva Goldsman|Akiva Goldsman]]
* Past and to come seems best; things present, worst.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry IV, Part 2]]'', Act I, sc. iii, ln. 108.
* An overflowing pot must be emptied before anything new can be added. If you cling to the sorrows of the past, how can you make space for the happiness and joy of the present?
** [[Sanu Sharma]], ''Biplavi''
==T==
[[File:Freedom tree, St Helier - geograph.ci - 150.jpg|thumb|The future has taken root in the present. ~ [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]] ]]
[[File:Kusunoki Masashige statue.jpg|thumb|There is surely [[nothing]] other than the single [[purpose]] of the present [[moment]]. A [[man]]'s whole [[life]] is a succession of [[moment]] after moment. If one fully [[understands]] the present moment, there will be nothing else to [[do]], and nothing else to pursue. Live being [[true]] to the single purpose of the moment. Everyone lets the present moment slip by, then looks for it as though he [[thought]] it were somewhere else. ~ [[Yamamoto Tsunetomo]]]]
* We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing.
** [[Paul of Tarsus]], [[First Epistle to the Corinthians|1 Corinthians]] 2:6 [[New International Version|NIV]]
* '''The future has taken root in the present.'''
** Kryptonian spaceship, [[Zack Snyder's Justice League]] (2021), Written by [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]]. As quoted in: Adam Chitwood (May 28, 2023): Cyborg’s Vision in ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’ Showed Us What Could've Been in the DCU. In: [[w:Collider (website)|collider.com]]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20231210114815/https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ Archived] [https://archive.is/NtTxw from] [https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ the original] on December 12, 2023. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo&t=4m15s The end] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo Superman Resurrection | Zack Snyder's Justice League [4k, HDR]]" (28.10.2021) by user "Flashback FM".
* I hearing get, who had but ears,
:And sight, who had but eyes before,
:I moments live, who lived but years,
:And truth discern, who knew but learning’s lore.
:* [[Henry David Thoreau]], "Inspiration".
* Many people live habitually as if the present [[moment]] were an obstacle that they need to overcome in order to get to the next moment, and imagine living your whole live like that. Always, this moment is not quite good enough because you need to get to the next one.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ABC News Interview.
* The ego ... reduces the present to a means to an end.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* The mind, to ensure that it remains in control, seeks continuously to cover up the present moment with past and future.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* Whereas before you dwelt in time and paid brief visits to the Now, have your dwelling place in the Now and pay brief visits to past and future when required to deal with the practical aspects of your life situation.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* Just as the moon has no light of its own, but can only reflect the light of the sun, so are past and future only pale reflections of the light, power, and reality of the eternal present. Their reality is “borrowed” from the Now.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* Make it your practice to withdraw attention from past and future whenever they are not needed. Step out of the time dimension as much as possible in everyday life.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* To be free of time is to be free of the psychological need of past for your identity and future for your fulfillment.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* if your destination, or the steps you are going to take in the future, take up so much of your attention that they become more important to you than the step you are taking now, then you completely miss the journey’s inner purpose, which has nothing to do with where you are going or what you are doing, but everything to do with how. It has nothing to do with future but everything to do with the quality of your consciousness at this moment.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]], ''The Power of Now''.
* Power of Now: Don't [[regret]] over the [[past]] because it's [[End|over]]. Don’t [[worry]] about the [[future]] because it is not here yet. [[Smile]] at the present movement, because this is [[real]]. Your excellent future depends on your present [[w:Noble Eightfold Path#Right action|right actions]].
** [[Thích Nhật Từ]], ''Inner Freedom: A Spiritual Journey for Prison Inmates'' (2008), {{ISBN|1741893909}}.
* '''There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man's whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue. Live being true to the single purpose of the moment. <br> Everyone lets the present moment slip by, then looks for it as though he thought it were somewhere else.'''
** [[Yamamoto Tsunetomo]], ''{{w|Hagakure}}'' (''c''. 1716)
==V==
* I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.
** [[Kurt Vonnegut]], ''Slaughterhouse-Five''
==W==
* '''Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!<br>Let the dead Past bury its dead!<br>Act, act in the living present!<br>Heart within, and God o'erhead!'''
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''[[wikisource:A Psalm of Life|A Psalm of Life]]'' (1839), St. 6.
* The present holds within itself the complete sum of existence, backwards and forwards, that whole amplitude of time, which is eternity.
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''The Aims of Education'' (1929), p. 23
== Misattributed ==
*'''Oogway''': ''' ''[[Yesterday]] is [[history]], [[tomorrow]] is a [[mystery]], but [[today]] is a [[gift]]. That is why it is called the "[[present]]".'' '''
** [[w:Jonathan Aibel|Jonathan Aibel]] and [[w:Glenn Berger|Glen Berger]], ''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'', (2008).
*** '''"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, Today is God's gift,''' that's why we call it the present." (Regarded as an "anonymous poem", in [[w:Joan Chittister|Joan Chittister]]'s ''Heart of Flesh'' (1998), p. 129; in ''Vital Issues: The Journal of African American Speeches'' (1998), Bethune-DuBois Publications, p. 27, and in [[w:Joan Rivers|Joan Rivers]]' "From Mother to Daughter" (1998), p. 30.)
*** '''"Yesterday may be History, Tomorrow is Mystery and Today is our Golden Opportunity!"''' (As quoted in H.S. Cheesbrough's ''Canada Lumberman,'' Volume 62 (1942), Southam-Maclean.
*** "Live today. '''The past is gone. Today is God's gift to us,''' whether it be a day of storm or sunshine. '''Tomorrow may never come,''' and that is immaterial." (From ''Friends' Intelligencer'', Volume 91, No.1-26 (1934), p. 21)
*** '''"Yesterday is history; to-morrow is merely a hope; to-day is the only absolute asset of time that is yours."''' From [[w:Frank Pixley|Frank Pixley]]'s ''Thoughts and Things'' (1912), in , Duffield & Company, p. 29.
== See also ==
* [[Future]]
*[[Now]]
* [[Past]]
* [[Time]]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|present}}
[[category:Time]]
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[[File:John-brown 000000ac.jpg|thumb|right|These men are all talk; What is needed is action — action!]]
'''[[w:John Brown (abolitionist)|John Brown]]''' ([[9 May]] [[1800]] – [[2 December]] [[1859]]) was an [[United States|American]] [[Abolitionism|abolitionist]] who advocated and practiced [[w:insurrection|insurrection]] as a means to the abolition of slavery. First reaching national prominence for his radical abolitionism and fighting in [[w:Bleeding Kansas|Bleeding Kansas]], he was eventually captured and executed for a failed incitement of a [[w:slave rebellion|slave rebellion]] at [[w:Harpers Ferry, West Virginia|Harpers Ferry]] preceding the [[American Civil War]].
== Quotes ==
* Nothing so charms the American people as personal bravery.
** Introductory address to The League of Gileadites, quoted in ''John Brown, the Making of a Revolutionary'' by Louis Ruchames, pp 84-5. New York, Grosset's Univeral Library.<ref>http://www.zikibay.com/brown/prelude.html#fn6text</ref>
* I bring you one of the best and bravest persons on this continent — [[Harriet Tubman|General Tubman]] as we call her.
** Introducing Harriet Tubman to [[Wendell Phillips]], as quoted in ''The Underground Railroad from Slavery to Freedom'' (1898) by Wilbur Henry Siebert, p. 185 also in "The Underground Railway" (27 May 1902) by W. H. Withrow, as published in ''Proceedings''
[[File:Thomas Hovenden - The Last Moments of John Brown - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|If it is deemed necessary that I should forfeit my life for the furtherance of the ends of justice, and mingle my blood further with the blood of my children and with the blood of millions in this slave country whose rights are disregarded by wicked, cruel, and unjust enactments, I submit; so let it be done!]]
[[File:John Brown by Levin Handy, 1890-1910.jpg|right|thumb|I believe that to have interfered as I have done as I have always freely admitted I have done in behalf of His despised poor, was not wrong, but right.]]
[[File:Harriet Tubman Civil War Woodcut.jpg|thumb|All persons known to be of good character and of sound mind and suitable age, who are connected with this organization, whether male or female, shall be encouraged to carry arms openly.]]
[[File:U.S. flag, 31 stars.svg|thumb|Slavery, throughout its entire existence in the United States, is none other than the most barbarous, unprovoked and unjustifiable war of one portion of its citizens against another portion, the only conditions of which are perpetual imprisonment and hopeless servitude, or absolute extermination, in utter disregard and violation of those eternal and self-evident truths set forth in our Declaration of Independence.]]
[[File:150RedWingMNparadeCivilWar.JPG|thumb|John Brown died that the slaves might be free. His soul goes marching on. ~ ''John Brown's Body'']]
* These men are all talk; '''What is needed is action''' — action!
**Remarks at the New England Anti-Slavery Convention (May 1859), quoted in ''William Lloyd Garrison'' by Wendell and Francis Garrison.
* I am gaining in health slowly, and am quite cheerful in view of my approaching end, — being fully persuaded that I am worth inconceivably more to hang than any other purpose.
**[https://archive.org/stream/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich_djvu.txt Letter to his brother Jeremiah] (12 November 1859).
* I, John Brown, am now quite certain that '''the crimes of this guilty land can never be purged away but with blood.''' I had, as I now think, vainly flattered myself that without very much bloodshed, it might be done.
* This is a beautiful country.
**Last words (2 December 1859), as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=uiaYWp66b-cC&pg=PR1&dq=John+Brown+and+his+Men+%281894%29+by+Richard+Josiah+Hinton&hl=en&sa=X&ei=Uub_VN3CN5HbggTdxIK4Cw&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=John%20Brown%20and%20his%20Men%20(1894)%20by%20Richard%20Josiah%20Hinton&f=false ''John Brown and his Men''] (1894) by Richard Josiah Hinton, p. 397.
====Provisional Constitution and Ordinances (1858)====
:<small>[http://web.archive.org/web/20110421025226/http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/johnbrown/brownconstitution.html Provisional Constitution and Ordinances for the people of the United States (1858)]</small>
* Whereas '''slavery, throughout its entire existence in the [[United States]], is none other than the most barbarous, unprovoked and unjustifiable war of one portion of its citizens against another portion, the only conditions of which are perpetual imprisonment and hopeless servitude, or absolute extermination, in utter disregard and violation of those eternal and self-evident truths set forth in our [[United States Declaration of Independence|Declaration of Independence]]'''. Therefore, we, citizens of the United States, and the oppressed people who, by [[Dred Scott v. Sandford|a recent decision of the Supreme' Court]], are declared to have no rights which the white man is bound to respect, together with all other people degraded by the laws thereof, do, for the time being, ordain and establish for ourselves the following Provisional Constitution and Ordinances, the better to protect our persons, property, lives, and liberties, and to govern our actions.
**Preamble.
*Persons convicted of the [[Rape|forcible violation of any female]] prisoner shall be put to death.
**Article XLI.
*'''The [[marriage]] relation shall be at all times respected''', and [[Family|families]] kept together, as far as possible; and broken families encouraged to reunite, and intelligence offices established for that purpose. Schools and churches established, as soon as may be, for the purpose of religious and other instructions; for the first day of the week, regarded as a day of rest, and appropriated to moral and religious instruction and improvement, relief of the suffering, instruction of the young and ignorant, and the encouragement of personal cleanliness; nor shall any persons be required on that day to perform ordinary manual labor, unless in extremely urgent cases.
**Article XLII.
*'''All persons''' known to be of good character and of sound mind and suitable age, who are connected with this organization, '''whether male or female, shall be encouraged to carry arms openly'''.
**Article XLIII.
====Prison interview (1859)====
:<small>[https://archive.org/stream/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich_djvu.txt Prison interview (19 October 1859)]</small>
*I acknowledge no master in human form.<!--** As quoted in [https://archive.org/stream/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich_djvu.txt ''The life and letters of John Brown, liberator of Kansas, and martyr of Virginia''] (1885), by Franklin B. Sanborn, p. 563.-->
* You had better — all you people at the South — prepare yourselves for a settlement of this question, that must come up for settlement sooner than you are prepared for it. The sooner you are prepared the better. You may dispose of me very easily, — I am nearly disposed by now; but this question is still to be settled, — this negro question I mean; the end of that is not yet.<!--** As quoted in [https://archive.org/stream/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich/lifeandlettersof00sanbrich_djvu.txt ''The life and letters of John Brown, liberator of Kansas, and martyr of Virginia''] (1885), by Franklin B. Sanborn, p. 568.-->
====Speech to the Court (1859)====
:<small>[[s:John Brown's Speech to the Court at his Trial|Speech to the Court at his Trial, after his conviction (2 November 1859)]]</small>
* In the first place, I deny everything but what I have all along admitted, the design on my part to free the slaves.… I never did intend murder, or treason, or the destruction of property, or to excite or incite slaves to rebellion, or to make insurrection.
*Had I so interfered in behalf of the rich, the powerful, the intelligent, the so-called great, or in behalf of any of their friends, either father, mother, brother, sister, wife, or children, or any of that class, and suffered and sacrificed what I have in this interference, it would have been all right; and every man in this court would have deemed it an act worthy of reward rather than punishment. This court acknowledges, as I suppose, the validity of the [[Divine law|law of God]]. I see a book kissed here which I suppose to be the [[The Bible|Bible]], or at least the [[New Testament]]. That teaches me that all things whatsoever I would that men should do to me, I should do even so to them. It teaches me, further, to "remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them." I endeavored to act up to that instruction. I say, I am yet too young to understand that God is any respecter of persons. I believe that to have interfered as I have done as I have always freely admitted I have done in behalf of His despised poor, was not wrong, but right. Now, if it is deemed necessary that I should forfeit my life for the furtherance of the ends of justice, and mingle my blood further with the blood of my children and with the blood of millions in this slave country whose rights are disregarded by wicked, cruel, and unjust enactments, I submit; so let it be done!
== Quotes about Brown==
* While I cannot approve of all your acts, I stand in awe of your position since your capture, and dare not oppose you lest I be found fighting against [[God]]; for you speak as one having authority, and seem to be strengthened from on high.
** Letter from "Christian Conservative" in West Newton, Mass., quoted in the Annual Report of the American Anti-Slavery Society (1861)
*In his biography of John Brown, [[W. E. B. Du Bois]] declared this final message to be "the mightiest abolition document." He was, Du Bois said, "the man who of all Americans has perhaps come nearest to touching the real souls of black folk."
**[[Bettina Aptheker]] ''Woman's Legacy: Essays on Race, Sex, and Class in American History'' (1982)
*[[Susan B. Anthony]] organized a memorial meeting in honor of John Brown in Rochester, New York, on the day of his hanging. [[Parker Pillsbury]], then editor of the ''Liberator'', agreed to deliver the main address.
**[[Bettina Aptheker]] ''Woman's Legacy: Essays on Race, Sex, and Class in American History'' (1982)
* I looked at the traitor and terrorizer with unlimited, undeniable contempt.
** Diary of {{w|John Wilkes Booth}}, quoted in ''The Secret Six'' (1997) by Edward Renehan
* [[Nat Turner]] and John Brown were [[Political prisoner|political prisoners]] in their time. The acts for which they were charged and subsequently hanged, were the practical extensions of their profound commitment to the [[w:Abolition_of_slavery_in_the_United_States|abolition of slavery]].
** [[Angela Davis]], ''If They Come in The Morning'' (1971)
*[[Kentucky]], which fished the halter for liberty in the person of John Brown, has strangled her again, through her representative in the Presidential chair!
**[[Anna Elizabeth Dickinson]], [https://speakingwhilefemale.co/anti-slavery-dickinson1/ "Let Us Storm the Slave System"] (May 28, 1862)
* One of the most marked characters, and greatest heroes known to American fame.
**[[Frederick Douglass]] in ''Life and Times'' (1881)
*His zeal in the cause of freedom was infinitely superior to mine. Mine was as the taper light, his was as the burning sun. Mine was bounded by time. His stretched away to the silent shores of eternity. I could speak for the slave. John Brown could fight for the slave. I could live for the slave. John Brown could die for the slave.
**Frederick Douglass, as quoted in [http://memory.loc.gov/cgi-bin/ampage?collId=mfd&fileName=22/22002/22002page.db&recNum=9&tempFile=./temp/~ammem_rvc6&filecode=mfd&next_filecode=mfd&prev_filecode=mfd&itemnum=2&ndocs=32 ''A Lecture On John Brown'']{{Dead-link}}.
* We do not believe in violence, neither in the despised violence of the raid nor the lauded violence of the soldier, nor the barbarous violence of the mob, but we do believe in John Brown, in that incarnate spirit of justice, that hatred of a lie, that willingness to sacrifice money, reputation, and life itself on the altar of right. And here on the scene of John Brown’s martyrdom we reconsecrate ourselves, our honor, our property to the final emancipation of the race which John Brown died to make free. Our enemies, triumphant for the present, are fighting the stars in their courses. Justice and humanity must prevail.
** [[W E B Du Bois]], "Niagara Movement Speech" (1905)
*On another occasion, I returned to [[Boston]], where Cell 16 had fulfilled one of my dreams by organizing a forum in historic Fannueil Hall in old Boston. In that hall, [[Lucy Stone]], the Grimké sisters, [[Sojourner Truth]], [[William Lloyd Garrison]], John Brown, and [[Frederick Douglass]] had held antislavery and profeminist meetings during the decades before the Civil War. Their legacy had motivated me to move to Boston to launch female liberation.
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] Outlaw Woman: A Memoir of the War Years 1960-1975 (2002)
* that new saint than whom none purer or more brave was ever led by love of men into conflict and death,—the new saint awaiting his martyrdom, and who, if he shall suffer, will make the gallows glorious like the cross.
**[[Ralph Waldo Emerson]] in "Courage", lecture at the Boston Music Hall (8 November 1859)
*For, by the logic of [[American Revolution|Concord, Lexington, and Bunker Hill]], and by the principles enforced by this nation in its boasted Declaration of Independence, Capt. Brown was a hero, struggling against fearful odds, not for his own advantage, but to redeem others from a horrible bondage, to be justified in all that he aimed to achieve, however lacking in sound discretion. And by the same logic and the same principles, every slave-holder has forfeited his right to live, if his destruction be necessary to enable his victims to break the yoke of bondage; and they, and all who are disposed to aid them by force and arms, are fully warranted in carrying rebellion to any extent, and securing freedom at whatever cost.
**[[William Lloyd Garrison]], ''The Liberator'' No. 170 (28 October 1859)
*To-night with greenest laurels we'll crown/North Elba's grave where sleeps John Brown,/Who made the gallows an altar high,/And showed how a brave old man could die.
**[[Frances Harper]] in ''Poems'' (1998)
*Dear Friend: Although the hands of Slavery throw a barrier between you and me, and it may not be my privilege to see you in your prison-house, Virginia has no bolts or bars through which I dread to send you my sympathy. In the name of the young girl sold from the warm clasp of a mother’s arms to the clutches of a libertine or profligate (a completely immoral and shameless person), - in the name of the slave mother, her heart rocked to and fro by the agony of her mournful separations -- I thank you that you have been brave enough to reach out your hands to the crushed and blighted of my race. You have rocked the bloody Bastille (a famous prison stormed and liberated during the French Revolution in 1789); and I hope from your sad fate great good may arise to the cause of freedom. Already from your prison has come a shout of triumph against the giant sin of our country. We may earnestly hope that your fate will not be a vain lesson, that it will intensify our hatred of Slavery and love of Freedom, and that your martyr grave will be a sacred altar upon which men will record their vows of undying hatred to that system which tramples on man and bids defiance to God. . . You have rocked the bloody Bastille; and I hope that from your sad fate great good may arise to the cause of freedom. Already from your prison has come a shout of triumph against the giant sin of our country...
**[[Frances Harper]], [https://shec.ashp.cuny.edu/items/show/681 letter] to John Brown in prison (1859)
* Politically speaking, the murder of John Brown would be an uncorrectable sin. It would create in the Union a latent fissure that would in the long run dislocate it. Brown's agony might perhaps consolidate slavery in [[Virginia]], but it would certainly shake the whole American democracy. You save your shame, but you kill your glory. Morally speaking, it seems a part of the human light would put itself out, that the very notion of justice and injustice would hide itself in darkness, on that day where one would see the assassination of Emancipation by Liberty itself. ...<br>Let America know and ponder on this: there is something more frightening than Cain killing Abel, and that is Washington killing Spartacus.
:* [[Victor Hugo]] in an open letter ''{{w|Actes et paroles}}'' written December 2, 1859, published in ''New York Times'' and quoted in a biography by his daughter Adèle
*Eugene Debs would sit in our kitchen and recite the death speech of John Brown.
**[[Meridel Le Sueur]] "The Ancient People and the Newly Come" (1976)
* You charge that we stir up insurrections among your slaves. We deny it, and what is your proof? Harper's Ferry? [[w:John Brown (abolitionist)|John Brown]]? [[w:John Brown (abolitionist)|John Brown]] was no [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]], and you have failed to implicate a single [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] in his Harper's Ferry enterprise. If any member of our party is guilty in that matter, you know it or you do not know it. If you do know it, you are inexcusable for not designating the man and proving the fact. If you do not know it, you are inexcusable for asserting it, and especially for persisting in the assertion after you have tried and failed to make the proof. You need to be told that persisting in a charge which one does not know to be true, is simply malicious slander. Some of you admit that no [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] designedly aided or encouraged the Harper's Ferry affair, but still insist that our doctrines and declarations necessarily lead to such results. We do not believe it. We know we hold to no doctrine, and make no declaration.
** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/speeches/cooper.htm Cooper Union address] (27 February 1860), New York City, New York.
*Ideas made the opposite impact in the [[Confederate States of America|Confederacy]]. Ideological contradictions afflicted the slave system even before the war began. '''[[w:John Brown (abolitionist)|John Brown]] knew the masters secretly feared their slaves might revolt, even as they assured abolitionists that slaves really liked slavery. One reason his Harpers Ferry raid prompted such an outcry in the South was that slave owners feared their slaves might join him.''' Yet their condemnations of Brown and the 'Black Republicans' who financed him did not persuade Northern moderates but only pushed them toward the abolitionist camp. After all, if Brown was truly dangerous, as slave owners claimed, then slavery was truly unjust. Happy slaves would never revolt.
**[[w:James W. Loewen|James W. Loewen]], as quoted in [https://books.google.com/books?id=5m2_xeJ4VdwC&printsec=frontcover&dq=lies+my+teacher+told+me&hl=en&sa=X&ei=dV39VNWyPMmWgwTN14JQ&ved=0CCwQ6AEwAA#v=snippet&q=maltreated&f=false ''Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong''] (2008), p. 193.
*[[Garrison]] was a consistent, passive resistant; but in launching a revolutionary idea Garrison’s brain logically led to John Brown’s muscles
**[[Dyer Lum]] [https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/dyer-d-lum-why-i-am-a-social-revolutionist "Why I Am a Social Revolutionist"] (1890)
*Amongst whites representing the anti-racist tradition, John Brown remains the best known martyr. But there are more to be researched, documented, and taught about. Today who even knows the name of William Moore, the ex-Marine postal worker from Baltimore who had grown up in Mississippi and thought its people were basically good? In April 1963, he walked down Deep South highways, wearing a sandwich-board bearing anti-racist slogans, with the goal of hand-delivering a letter, a civil rights plea, to the governor of Mississippi. After 70 miles he was shot dead at close range on U.S. Highway 11 in Alabama. People blamed the victim: "He should have known better. Must have been crazy." We need to honor such "craziness." Rev. Jonathan Daniels, a young northern minister who had been working with the black community, was shot dead in Lowndes County, Alabama, in 1965. That same year, Viola Liuzzo, a civil rights volunteer from Detroit who had come to join the Selma-Montgomery march, was shot dead by Klansmen while driving a local black youth home after the event. We hear a little more about two white Summer Project volunteers, Mickey Schwerner and Andrew Goodman, murdered together with Black activist James Chaney at Philadelphia, Mississippi.
**[[Elizabeth Martinez]] ''Letters from Mississippi: Reports from Civil Rights Volunteers and Freedom School Poetry of the 1964 Freedom Summer'' (2007 edition)
*Important as they are, we need more than just the heroic stories of militant resistance of suffragists chained to railings, slaves burning plantation houses, armed revolts like that of John Brown. Stories of accommodation, collaboration, and outright defeat are just as important because they give us ways to understand our lives as caused rather than just existing.
**[[Aurora Levins Morales]] ''Medicine Stories: Essays for Radicals'' (2019 edition)
*[[Women]] are stripped to the skin in the presence of leering, [[White people|white-skinned]], black-hearted brutes and lashed into insensibility and strangled to death from the limbs of trees. A girl child of fifteen years was [[Lynching|lynched]] recently by these brutal bullies. Where has justice fled? The eloquence of [[Wendell Phillips]] is silent now. John Brown’s body lies moldering in the grave. But will his spirit lie there moldering, too? Brutes, inhuman monsters—you heartless brutes—you whom nature forms by molding you in it, deceive not yourselves by thinking that another John Brown will not arise.
**[[Lucy Parsons]],"Southern Lynching" (April 1892)
*In this country, one man who cut through to the imagination of all was John Brown, that meteor, whose blood was love and rage, in fury until the love was burned away. That crazy murderous old man, he must be called by Lincoln, and he must be hanged, condemned in agony. But that precipitating stroke, like the archaic bloody violence of the Greek plays, spoke to many lives.
**[[Muriel Rukeyser]] ''The Life of Poetry'' (1949)
* John Brown deserves to be hung for being a hopeless fool! He attempted to capture Virginia with seventeen men when he ought to know that it would require at least twenty-five.
** [[Thaddeus Stevens]], In ''Selected Papers of Thaddeus Stevens''
* He done more in dying, than 100 men would in living.
**[[Harriet Tubman]], as quoted in ''Bound For the Promised Land: Harriet Tubman, Portrait of an American Hero'' (2004), by Kate Larson.<!--{{cite book|last=Larson|first=Kate Clifford|year=2004|title=Bound For the Promised Land: Harriet Tubman, Portrait of an American Hero|location=New York|publisher=Ballantine Books|page=177|ISBN=0-345-45627-0}}-->
*If John Brown were still alive, we might accept him.
**[[Malcolm X]], when asked if white people could join the Organization of Afro-American Unity. [http://books.google.com/books?id=JaT6tBKGK3sC&pg=PA40#v=onepage&q&f=false]
*[[Frederick Douglass]] had met with Brown. He argued against the plan from the standpoint of its chances of success, but he admired the ailing man of sixty, tall, gaunt, white-haired.
**[[Howard Zinn]], ''A People’s History of the United States''
===John Brown's Body===
*<small>There are many versions of this song, all to the tune later used for [[w:Battle Hymn of the Republic|Battle Hymn of the Republic]]</small>
John Brown's body lies a-mouldering in the grave,<br>John Brown's body lies a-mouldering in the grave,<br>But his soul goes marching on.
Chorus:<br>Glory, glory, hallelujah,<br>Glory, glory, hallelujah,<br>His soul goes marching on.
He's gone to be a soldier in the Army of the Lord,<br>He's gone to be a soldier in the Army of the Lord,<br>His soul goes marching on.
Chorus:
John Brown's knapsack is strapped upon his back,<br>John Brown's knapsack is strapped upon his back,<br>His soul goes marching on.
Chorus:
John Brown died that the slaves might be free,<br>John Brown died that the slaves might be free,<br>His soul goes marching on.
Chorus:
The stars above in Heaven now are looking kindly down,<br>The stars above in Heaven now are looking kindly down,<br>His soul goes marching on.
:*[http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/johnbrown/brownbody.html John Brown by William W. Patton]
Old John Brown’s body lies moldering in the grave,<br>While weep the sons of bondage whom he ventured all to save;<br>But though he lost his life while struggling for the slave,<br>His soul is marching on.
John Brown was a hero, undaunted, true and brave,<br>And [[Kansas]] knows his valor when he fought her rights to save;<br>Now, though the grass grows green above his grave,<br>His soul is marching on.
He captured Harper’s Ferry, with his nineteen men so few,<br>And frightened "Old Virginny" till she trembled through and through;<br>They hung him for a traitor, themselves the traitor crew,<br>But his soul is marching on.
John Brown was [[John the Baptist]] of the [[Christ]] we are to see,<br>Christ who of the bondmen shall the Liberator be,<br>And soon throughout the Sunny South the slaves shall all be free,<br>For his soul is marching on.
The conflict that he heralded he looks from heaven to view,<br>On the army of the [[Union (United States)|Union]] with its flag red, white and blue.<br>And heaven shall ring with anthems o’er the deed they mean to do,<br>For his soul is marching on.
Ye soldiers of Freedom, then strike, while strike ye may,<br>The death blow of oppression in a better time and way,<br>For the dawn of old John Brown has brightened into day,<br>And his soul is marching on.
:* Some versions, instead of "nineteen men so few" sing "nineteen men so true." Some versions sing "themselves the traitor crew" as "themselves the traitorous crew." Some versions sing "with its flag red, white, and blue" as "with its flag o' red, white, and blue" and some read "of" instead of "o'". The word soul is sometimes replaced with truth. [http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/johnbrown/brownbody.html]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author|John Brown}}
{{Commons category}}
* [http://web.archive.org/web/20070625155207/http://www.historyisaweapon.com/defcon1/johnbrown.html John Brown's Last Speech]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brown, John}}
[[Category:Abolitionists]]
[[Category:1800 births]]
[[Category:1859 deaths]]
[[Category:Executed people]]
[[Category:People from Connecticut]]
[[Category:Revolutionaries]]
[[Category:Christians from the United States]]
[[Category:Farmers]]
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Rocky IV
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'''''[[w:Rocky IV|Rocky IV]]''''' is a [[w:1985 in film|1985]] American action film about the titular character, [[w:Rocky Balboa|Rocky Balboa]], coming out of retirement to avenge Apollo Creed's death during a fight against up-and-coming Soviet boxer [[w:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]].
:''Directed and written by [[Sylvester Stallone]].''
{{center/s}}'''Get ready for the next world war.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}
== Rocky Balboa ==
*''[remembers Creed at his funeral]'' There's a lot I could say about this man, but I don't know if it matters now. I guess what matters is what he stood for, what he lived for, and what he died for. You always did everything the way you wanted it. And I didn't understand that, but now I understand. I'll never forget you, Apollo. You're the best.
*''[addresses Russian crowd after the fight, with Russian announcer as translator]'' I came here tonight, I didn't know what to expect. I seen a lot of people hate me and I didn't know what to feel about that so I guess I didn't like you much neither. During this fight, I've seen a lot of changing, the way you felt about me, and in the way I felt about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that's better than 20 million. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!
== Paulie Pennino ==
* I know sometimes I act stupid and I say stupid things, but you kept me around and other people would have said "drop that bum". You give me respect. You know it's kinda hard for me to say these kinda things, cuz it ain't my way, but if I could just unzip myself and step out and be someone else, I'd wanna be you. You're all heart, Rock.
== Apollo Creed ==
* We always have to be in the middle of the action 'cause we're the warriors. And without some challenge, without some damn war to fight then the warriors might as well be dead, Stallion. Now I'm asking you - as a friend - stand by my side this one last time.
== Ivan Drago ==
*''[coldly interviewed about possibly having killed Apollo Creed during their fight]'' If he dies, he dies.
*''[To Rocky before their fight]'' I must break you.
*''[To Sergei Rimsky, before the third round against Rocky, in Russian]'' He's not human... He's like a piece of iron.
== Duke ==
*''[to Rocky after seeing Drago close to cracking under the strain]'' You got him hurt bad. Now he's worried. You cut him! You ''hurt'' him! You see? You see? He's ''not'' a machine. He's a man! You want it more than he does! No pain! ''[Duke repeats it three times, and Rocky echoes him each time]'' Take it to him!
== Dialogue ==
:''[Drago's putting the pressure on Apollo Creed, who still wants to fight on]''
:'''Rocky''': Champ, look, I gotta stop it. This fight's finished! I gotta call it!
:'''Apollo Creed''': No, no.
:'''Rocky''': Look, champ, you can't do no more out there!
:'''Apollo''': I'm here to fight.
:'''Rocky''': He's killing ya. I gotta stop this thing.
:'''Apollo''': I'm here to fight, promise me you're not gonna stop this fight.
<hr width=50%/>
:''[at a press conference after the Creed-Drago fight, announcing that Rocky will give up his title to fight Drago]''
:'''Female Reporter''': Rocky, is the decision final?
:'''Rocky''': Yes.
:'''Male Reporter #1''': Is this the first time the champion has given up his crown?
:'''Rocky''': I don't know about that.
:'''Male Reporter #2''': Doesn't the title matter?
:'''Rocky''': Not until this is over.
:'''Male Reporter #3''': Considering Rocky's punching power, do you still expect an easy fight?
:'''Rimsky''': Yes, of course.
:'''Nicolai Koloff''': It's a matter of size and...evolution. Isn't it, gentlemen? Drago is the most perfectly trained athlete ever. This other man has not the size, or the endurance, or the genetics to win. It's physically impossible for this little man to win. Drago...is a look at the future.
:'''Male Reporter #4''': Champ, how much are you making for this fight?
:'''Rocky''': No money. It's not about money.
:''[Paulie looks over to Rocky]''
:'''Female Reporter''': Has the fight date been set yet?
:'''Rocky''': December 25th.
:''[Koloff grins]''
:'''Male Reporter #1''': Why Christmas?
:'''Rocky''': That's what I was told.
:'''Female Reporter''': Where?
:'''Rocky''': ...It's in Russia.
:'''Paulie''': Are you nuts?
:'''Male Reporter #2''': Rocky, what's going on?
:'''Koloff''': We fight in Soviet Union, or we fight nowhere. Why don't you ask Drago's wife why she is afraid? Tell them, please.
:'''Ludmilla Drago''': I'm afraid for my husband's life. We have threats of violence everywhere. We're not in politics. All I want is for my husband to be safe, and to be treated fairly. You call him a killer. He's a professional fighter, not a killer. You have this belief that you are better than us. You have this belief that this country is so very good, and we are so very bad. You have this belief that you are so fair and we are so very cruel.
:'''Koloff''': It's all lies and false propaganda to support this ''antagonistic'' and ''violent'' government!
:'''Paulie''': ''[miffed at remark]'' Oh, violent? Hey, we don't keep our people behind a wall with machine guns!
:'''Koloff''': Who are you?
:'''Paulie''': Who am ''I''? I'm...''the unsilent majority, bigmouth''! ''[tries to attack Koloff]''
:'''Koloff''': Good! Yes, good! Insult us! Is more typical rude behavior towards visiting foreigners! But perhaps this simple defeat of this ''[points to Rocky]'' little so-called champion will be a perfect example of how pathetically weak your society has become! We go! ''[leaves press conference with Ludmilla]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Adrian''': Rocky?
:'''Rocky''': Yeah?
:'''Adrian''': You alright?
:'''Rocky''': Yeah I'm fine.
:'''Adrian''': Why'd you do it?
:'''Rocky''': I just gotta do what I gotta do.
:'''Adrian''': You don't have to do anything
:'''Rocky''': No, Adrian, I do and I gotta leave this place too.
:'''Adrian''': So where are you going?
:'''Rocky''': They said they're gonna let me train in Russia and I just want to be somewhere where I ain't gonna think about nothing except him.
:'''Adrian''': Rocky, give it some time. Don't do this. A lot of people live with hurt.
:'''Rocky''': A lot of people don't have a choice, Adrian, I do.
:'''Adrian''': And for that you're willing to lose everything?
:'''Rocky''': Adrian this isn't everything. The house, the cars and all the stuff we got. That ain't everything. There's a lot more than this, Adrian.
:'''Adrian''': Before there were reasons to fight I could understand. But I don't understand this. Even if you win, what have you won? Apollo's still gone. Why can't you change your thinking? Everybody else does.
:'''Rocky''': Cause I'm a fighter! That's how I'm made, Adrian. That's what you married. We can't change what we are.
:'''Adrian''': ''[Softly]'' Yes you can.
:'''Rocky''': We can't change anything, Adrian. All we can do is just go with what we are.
:'''Adrian''': You can't go with what you are. You've read the papers, it's suicide! You've seen him. You know how strong he is! YOU CAN'T WIN!
:'''Rocky''': Oh, Adrian. Adrian always tells the truth. No maybe I can't win. Maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he's got. But to beat me he's gonna have to kill me, and to kill me he's gotta have the guts to stand in front of me, and to do that he's gotta be willin to die himself. I don't know if he's ready to do that. I don't know. I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rocky Jr.''': ''[Before Rocky leaves for Russia]'' When will you be back?
:'''Rocky''': Pretty soon.
:'''Rocky Jr.''': Are you scared?
:'''Rocky''': No.
:'''Rocky Jr.''': Not even a little?
:'''Rocky''': Wouldn't you be?
:'''Rocky Jr.''': If a big giant man wanted to beat me up I'd be real scared.
:'''Rocky''': Well, the truth is sometimes I do get a little scared when I'm in that ring and when I'm going to get hit or when my arm hurts so much I can't even lift it and I'm thinking I wish this guy hit me in the chin so I won't feel nothing anymore then there's another side that comes out that wants to take more wants to go one more round because if I go one more round when you don't think you can, that makes all the difference in your life.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Round 1 against Ivan Drago]''
:'''Duke''': Alright, what's happening out there?
:'''Rocky''': He's winning...I see three of him out there.
:'''Paulie''': Hit the one in the middle!
:'''Duke''': Right! Hit the one in the middle!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[After Round 14 against Ivan Drago]''
:'''Rocky''': What round is it?
:'''Duke''': 15. One more round. There's no stoppin' us now. This is our round.
:''[As the crowd chants "Rocky! Rocky!", Nicoli Koloff leaves his seat at the Soviet Poliburo to go to ringside]''
:'''Duke''': No stoppin' now. You start and you don't stop. All your strength. All your power. All your love. Everything you've got!
:''[Nicolai Koloff goes to Drago's corner to speak to Rimsky]''
:'''Nicolai Koloff''': ''[in Russian]'' You trained this fool. He's a disgrace. [Вы обучили этого дурака. Он позор.] ''[to Drago]'' Listen to them.... [Послушай их ....] Our people cheer for '''''HIM!'''''... You idiot! [Наши люди болеют за Него! ... Ты идиот.] ''[shoves Drago's head]'' '''''WIN!''''' '''''[ВЫИГРАТЬ!]'''''
:''[Drago turns, glares at Koloff, and grabs him by the throat]''
:'''Ludmilla Drago''': ''[shouts to Drago, in Russian]'' No! [Нет!] ''[Drago drops Koloff]''
:'''Ivan Drago''': ''[to Koloff, in Russian]'' I fight to win! For me! [Я борюсь, чтобы победить! Для меня!] ''[turns to the Soviet Poliburo]'' '''''FOR ME!''''' ['''''ДЛЯ МЕНЯ!''''']
:''[Meanwhile, at Rocky's corner...]''
:'''Duke''': To win, you gotta knock him out! Punch and punch, till you can't punch no more! This is your ''whole'' life here!
:'''Paulie''': Yeah, knock him out, Rocko.
:'''Duke''': ''[as bell rings]'' Do it now! ''Now!''
== Taglines ==
* Get ready for the next world war.
* When East Meets West, the Champion remains standing
== Cast ==
* [[Sylvester Stallone]] - [[w:Rocky Balboa|Robert "Rocky" Balboa]]
* [[Dolph Lundgren]] - [[w:Ivan Drago|Ivan Drago]]
* [[w:Talia Shire|Talia Shire]] - [[w:Adrian Pennino|Adrian Balboa]]
* [[w:Brigitte Nielsen|Brigitte Nielsen]] - Ludmilla Drago
* [[w:Burt Young|Burt Young]] - [[w:Paulie Pennino|Paulie Pennino]]
* [[w:Tony Burton|Tony Burton]] - Tony "Duke" Evers
* [[w:Michael Pataki|Michael Pataki]] - Nicolai Koloff
* Rocky Krakoff - Rocky Jr.
* [[w:Carl Weathers|Carl Weathers]] - [[w:Apollo Creed|Apollo Creed]]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title | id=0089927 | title=Rocky IV}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|rocky_iv}}
* {{Amg movie|41861}}
* {{mojo title|rocky4}}
== See also ==
* ''[[Rocky (film series)]]''
* ''[[Rocky V]]''
[[Category:1985 films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Boxing films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Sylvester Stallone]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Sylvester Stallone]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in the 1980s]]
dsf4lwwy3n9elhw8oe3tuxttz9dcj7e
Wikiquote:QOTD by month
4
79972
3935112
3928545
2026-04-30T21:33:18Z
Kalki
71
prep for coming month
3935112
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{QoDBar}}
<div align="center" cellspacing="3" style="margin: 1em 4em; border: 2px solid #CCCCFF; background-color: #FFFD38;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);">
'''This page contains links to pages for "Quotes of the Day" which were on the [[Main Page]] and associated images, since 2007, displayed by month.'''
:<small>For a period of several months there were also associated sound files made for many of them, but that experiment was abandoned.</small>
: See also: '''[[Wikiquote:Quote of the Day|Quote of the Day (complete list 2003 - January 2012)]]''' <!-- - [[Wikiquote:Quotes of the Year|Quotes of the Year]] DEFUNCT archival page -->
</div>
'''The first "Quote of the Day" at Wikiquote, was selected on [[11 July]] [[2003]]''':
: '''I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.''' ~ [[Martin Luther King]]
Initially QOTD selections would often remain unchanged for several days, but since 2 February 2004, they have always been changed on a daily basis. Since June 2005, QOTD proposals have been made at pages for each month which have sections for each date, and final selections usually reflect the result of rankings made there.
Any registered user is invited to make proposals, or to rank each candidate on these pages:
: '''[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January|January]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February|February]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March|March]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April|April]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May|May]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June|June]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July|July]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August|August]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September|September]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October|October]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November|November]] - [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December|December]]'''
Images began to be used in association with QOTDs on 27 January 2008:
[[Image:Cheshire_Cat_Tenniel.png|frameless|right|Cat]]
:<p>"In ''that'' direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, "lives a Hatter: and in ''that'' direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad." <br> "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. <br> "Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." <br> "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. <br> "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."</p> <p> ~ [[Lewis Carroll]] in ''[[Alice's Adventures in Wonderland]]'' ~</p>
== 2007 ==
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2007|November]] <small>(Sound files added to QOTD, no images)</small>
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2007|December]]
== 2008 ==
{{col-begin}}
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2008|January]] <small> (images as well as sound files begin to be used on 27 January) </small>
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2008|February]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2008|March]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2008|April]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2008|May]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2008|June]] <small> (last sound file used on 17 June, images continue to be used) </small>
{{col-break}}
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2008|July]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2008|August]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2008|September]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2008|October]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2008|November]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2008|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2009 ==
{{col-begin}}
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2009|January]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2009|February]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2009|March]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2009|April]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2009|May]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2009|June]]
{{col-break}}
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2009|July]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2009|August]] <small> (2 images framing the QOTD begin to be used on 20 August) </small>
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2009|September]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2009|October]] <small> (multiple images to either side of QOTD used on either side of a long quote on 25 October) </small>
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2009|November]]
*[[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2009|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2010 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2010|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2010|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2010|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2010|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2010|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2010|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2010|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2010|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2010|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2010|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2010|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2010|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2011 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2011|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2011|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2011|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2011|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2011|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2011|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2011|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2011|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2011|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2011|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2011|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2011|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2012 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2012|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2012|February]] <small> (3 February — controversial accusations and assertions threatened further use of images on the main page; further use of images at least temporarily suspended by [[long term]] editor here, out of disgust and contempt at the opposition to free expression, the apparent malice and clear presumptuousness of acts of censorship, as well as the hostilities, apathy or indifference of others involved in this project.) </small>
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2012|March]] <small>(first month since January 2008 to begin without images accompanying QOTD)</small>
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2012|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2012|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2012|June]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2012|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2012|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2012|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2012|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2012|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2012|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2013 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2013|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2013|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2013|March]] <small>(in this month, images begin to be used again with the quotes)</small>
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2013|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2013|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2013|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2013|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2013|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2013|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2013|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2013|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2013|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2014 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2014|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2014|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2014|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2014|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2014|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2014|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2014|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2014|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2014|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2014|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2014|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2014|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2015 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2015|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2015|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2015|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2015|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2015|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2015|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2015|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2015|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2015|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2015|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2015|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2015|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2016 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2016|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2016|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2016|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2016|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2016|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2016|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2016|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2016|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2016|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2016|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2016|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2016|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2017 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2017|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2017|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2017|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2017|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2017|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2017|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2017|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2017|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2017|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2017|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2017|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2017|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2018 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2018|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2018|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2018|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2018|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2018|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2018|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2018|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2018|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2018|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2018|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2018|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2018|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2019 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2019|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2019|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2019|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2019|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2019|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2019|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2019|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2019|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2019|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2019|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2019|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2019|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2020 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2020|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2020|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2020|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2020|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2020|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2020|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2020|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2020|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2020|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2020|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2020|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2020|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2021 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2021|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2021|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2021|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2021|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2021|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2021|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2021|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2021|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2021|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2021|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2021|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2021|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2022 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2022|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2022|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2022|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2022|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2022|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2022|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2022|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2022|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2022|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2022|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2022|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2022|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2023 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2023|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2023|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2023|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2023|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2023|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2023|June]]
{{col-break}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2023|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2023|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2023|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2023|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2023|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2023|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2024 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2024|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2024|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2024|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2024|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2024|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2024|June]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2024|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2024|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2024|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2024|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2024|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2024|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2025 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2025|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2025|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2025|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2025|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2025|May]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2025|June]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2025|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2025|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2025|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2025|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2025|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2025|December]]
{{col-end}}
== 2026 ==
{{col-begin}}
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/January 2026|January]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/February 2026|February]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/March 2026|March]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/April 2026|April]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2026|May]]
<!-- * [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/June 2026|June]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/July 2026|July]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/August 2026|August]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/September 2026|September]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/October 2026|October]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/November 2026|November]]
* [[Wikiquote:Quote of the day/December 2026|December]]
{{col-end}}
-->
== Abandoned experiment in creating sound files ==
:<small> At the suggestions of several users, sound files began to be created for QOTDs on 1 November 2007. After a period of low interest and increasing indications of disapproval by a few, the experiment in creating sound files for QOTD was abandoned in June 2008.</small>
The first sound file, created for use on 1 November 2007:
:<p>''You cannot choose your battlefield, <br> God does that for you; <br> But you can plant a standard <br> Where a standard never flew.''</p><p> ~ [[Nathalia Crane]] ~</p>
[[Image:A standard.ogg]]
<hr width=50%>
The first sound file actually used on the main page was for 3 November 2007:
: Man's right to know, to learn, to inquire, to make bona fide errors, to investigate human emotions must, by all means, be safe, if the word ''FREEDOM'' should ever be more than an empty political slogan. ~ [[Wilhelm Reich]]
[[Image:Q 2007-11-03 Wilhelm Reich.ogg]]
<hr width=50%>
The last sound file created for use with a QOTD was created and used on 17 June 2008:
{| style="background: {{{color}}};color:{{{foreground|var(--color-base-fixed,#202122)}}};"
|-
| align=center | [[Image:Q 2008-06-17 Mohamed ElBaradei.ogg|55px]]
| align=center |
| align=center | Our security strategies have not yet caught up with the risks we are facing. The globalization that has swept away the barriers to the movement of goods, ideas and people has also swept with it barriers that confined and localized security threats. ~ [[Mohamed ElBaradei]]
| align=center | [[Image:Mohamed ElBaradei.jpg|77px|right|]]
|}
[[Category:Quote of the day]]
[[Category:Wikiquote]]
27yboicbxbgoz4n4703te0p7xfgv6fi
Mobile Suit Gundam 00
0
81983
3935213
3934080
2026-05-01T01:11:20Z
~2026-26398-18
3315137
/* Stop the World [1.23] */
3935213
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mobile Suit Gundam 00|Mobile Suit Gundam 00]]''''' is a televised anime series and an "alternate universe" storyline in the Gundam metaseries. It is the first series to use the Anno Domini calendar.
{{tv-stub}}
==''Gundam 00: Season 1''==
===''Celestial Being'' [1.01]===
:'''Aeolia Schenberg''': ''[Celestial Being's address to the World]'' I would like to address this statement to every single human being born and raised on Earth. We call ourselves simply Celestial Being. We are a private armed organization in possession of the mobile weapon 'Gundam'. The main objective of Celestial Being's activities is to completely eliminate acts of war and conflict from this world. We do not act for our own benefit or for personal gain. We have chosen to intervene for the greatest goal of all: To rid ourselves of the scourge of war. As of this moment, I make this declaration to all humanity: Territory, religion, energy; no matter what the reason or excuse, if there is an evident act of war being carried out, we will commence intervention with armed force. Any country, organization or corporation that promotes war will also be a legitimate target for our intervention. We simply call ourselves Celestial Being. We are an armed organization that was established to eliminate all acts of war from this world.
===''Gundam Meisters'' [1.02]===
:'''Setsuna''': Gundam.
:'''Lockon''': What? What was that?
:'''Setsuna''': I am a Gundam.
:'''Lockon''': What're you talking about?
===''The Changing World'' [1.03]===
===''International Negotiation'' [1.04]===
:'''Lockon''': Taking advantage of us without our express permission is not allowed!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Graham Aker''': Another chance to fight the Gundam, that, Mr President was well played!
===''Escape Limit Zone'' [1.05]===
===''Seven Swords'' [1.06]===
===''Unrewarded Souls'' [1.07]===
===''Indiscriminate Retaliation'' [1.08]===
:'''Setsuna''': While we are talking of peace, people are dying.
===''The Honour of a Great Power'' [1.09]===
===''Operation Gundam Capture'' [1.10]===
===''Allelujah'' [1.11]===
:'''Hallelujah''': Your kindness is just hypocrisy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tieria''': I see he is...Humanity surely is twisted.
===''To the Limits of Holy Teachings'' [1.12]===
===''Return of the Saint'' [1.13]===
===''Dawn of Determination'' [1.14]===
:'''Daryl Dodge''': YOU DIE!
===''Broken Wings'' [1.15]===
:'''Lockon''': Setsuna, you will change in place of me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Graham''': I want to embrace you, Gundam!
===''Trinity'' [1.16]===
===''Assault of the Thrones'' [1.17]===
:'''Nena Trinity''': I like that about you.
===''The Aim of Evil Intents'' [1.18]===
:'''Nena''': How dare you just go off and have fun like that while we're working to change the world! ... How about if you just... DIE?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Setsuna''': Exia, targets sighted. Three Gundam Thrones have been determined to be war-inciting targets. Beginning armed intervention. Exia, exterminating targets.
===''Bonds'' [1.19]===
:'''Tieria Erde''': You deserve ten thousand deaths.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tieria''': Is this what it means to be human?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Setsuna''': But in this world, there is no God.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lockon Stratos''': Setsuna, let ask you one question: what do you want to achieve with Exia?
:'''Setsuna F. Seiei''': I'll eradicate war.
:'''Lockon Stratos''': You won't be able to if I shoot you.
:'''Setsuna F. Seiei''': I don't mind. You could do it instead of me, change this twisted world in my place. But while I'm alive, I'll keep fighting. And not as poor Soran Ibrahim, but as as Celestial Being's Gundam Meister, Setsuna F Seiei.
:'''Lockon Stratos''': Piloting a Gundam?
:'''Setsuna F. Seiei''': Yes. I am Gundam...
:'''Lockon Stratos''': Ha, crazy. I don't want to shoot you anymore! You do realize you're an impossible Gundam nut, don't you?
:'''Setsuna F. Seiei''': Thank you. To me, that's a great compliment.
===''Blade of Reformation'' [1.20]===
:'''Ali al-Saachez''': I am a warmonger. I can't help it, I love everything about war.
===''Path of Destruction'' [1.21]===
===''Trans-Am'' [1.22]===
:'''Aeolia Schenberg''': If an evil individual has appeared here, then unfortunately the world I had hoped for has not arrived. Humans today are stupid, choosing war, driving the world further into ruin. However, I still have faith in mankind. I entrust my power and my ideals... The world... humanity... they must change...!
===''Stop the World'' [1.23]===
:'''Lockon''': That's the stolen Throne, and that must be Ali Al-Saachez!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lockon''': You're al-Saachez of the KPSA, aren't you?!
:'''al-Saachez''': That Krugis punk has told you about me, hasn't he?
:'''Lockon''': You're the bastard who ordered the suicide bombing in [[w:Ireland|Ireland]]! Why did you do that?!
:'''al-Saachez''': Because I'm a mercenary, it's what I do. Besides, isn't obvious that the Middle East would react violently to the AEU building their orbital elevator?
:'''Lockon''': You involved innocent people who did nothing wrong!
:'''al-Saachez''': Oh, you're not so different from me! You're just a terrorist who says he's trying to eradicate war!
:'''Lockon''': I'll take full blame for that, but after I see you dead and defeated!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lockon Stratos''': What is wrong with you!?
:'''Ali al-Saachez''': It's just who I am!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lockon''': What am I doing out here? But unless I can avenge them, I don't see how I can go on. Or how I can even face the world.
:'''al-Saachez''': I got a life reading....
:'''Lockon''': I've got no other choice. Targeted and firing!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lockon''': Father, Mother, Amy... I know the things I've done may not change anything... things won't go back to the way they were... even so, from now on, after today... the future that Lyle will know... Setsuna... did you find your answer?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lockon''': You, people down there... are you satisfied with the way the world is? As for me, I hate it.
===''Endless Poem'' [1.24]===
===''Setsuna'' [1.25]===
:'''Hallelujah''': Your brain waves and reflexes may be similar enough... but thinking at the speed you do, you'll never be able to catch up! Your movements are truly just like a lowly animal's! That's why I can read your movements. Reflexes combined with intelligence, that's what makes the ideal Super Soldier!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Graham''': I finally came to understand it. You single-handedly stole my heart away. This feeling is, without a doubt, love! But if it transcends love, it becomes obsession!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Setsuna''': ''[in his letter to Marina Ismail]'' Marina... Ismail.... By the time you read this, I will no longer be in this world. The eradication of war through armed force... all I knew how to do is fight. But Celestial Being gave me a reason why I should fight. Like that day I saw the Gundam. I wanted to know... Why was the world so twisted? Where did this twistedness come from? How can people be so wicked without meaning to be? And why don't they realize their wickedness hurts others? Why are there things that bring chaos to so many lives? Why do people rule, and let themselves be ruled? And why do they hurt each other? And why, despite all that, do people still want to live their lives? I was just looking for answers. I thought that if I met with you, you'd give me those answers, because you're looking for the same thing, along a different path from mine. For the path where people can understand each other... for those answers....
:'''Marina''': ''[weeping]'' Setsuna...
:'''Setsuna''': I was looking for answers... together with my Gundam. With... my Gundam....
==''Gundam 00: Season 2''==
=== ''The Angels' Second Advent'' [2.01] ===
:'''Tieria''': He'll come, if he's alive, then there's no doubt.
===''Twin Drive'' [2.02]===
===''Allelujah Rescue Operation'' [2.03]===
===''A Reason to Fight'' [2.04]===
===''Homeland Burning'' [2.05]===
:'''Saji Crossroad''': It's all my fault.
===''Scars'' [2.06]===
===''Reunion and Separation'' [2.07]===
===''Twistedness of Innocence'' [2.08]===
===''The Indelible Past'' [2.09]===
===''Light of Heaven'' [2.10]===
===''00's Voice'' [2.11]===
===''Wait for Me in Space'' [2.12]===
===''Assault on Memento Mori'' [2.13]===
===''I Can Hear a Song'' [2.14]===
:'''Bring Stabity''': Tiera Erde, you are an Innovator! Join us! We'll carry out this mission together!
:'''Tieria Erde''': I refuse!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Bring Stabity''': You're destroying your own kind?!
:'''Tieria Erde''': No! I AM HUMAN BEING!
===''Victory Song of the Resistance'' [2.15]===
===''Prelude to Tragedy'' [2.16]===
===''Within the Scattering Light'' [2.17]===
===''Entangled Yearnings'' [2.18]===
===''Shadow of the Innovators'' [2.19]===
===''Anew Returns'' [2.20]===
===''The Door of Change'' [2.21]===
:'''Graham Aker''': You've sullied my skies and stolen my brothers and mentor! Even my pride as a Flag Fighter was shattered by what you did! You and your Gundam! Indeed, these feelings have surpassed love, transcended hatred... this has become destiny!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Nena''': ''[last words, to Louise]'' DAMN YOU, YOU BITCH!
===''For the Future'' [2.22]===
===''Flower of Life'' [2.23]===
===''Beyond'' [2.24]===
:'''Ali Al-Saachez''': ''[final word, to Lyle]'' SUCKER!
===''Rebirth'' [2.25]===
:'''Hallelujah''': ''[To Hiling Care]'' You're all so dependent on V.E.D.A.! You don't have what is takes to beat us anymore!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Patrick Colasour''': Colasaur the Indestructable has become Colasour the Ridiculously Lucky!
:'''Kati Mannequin''': Oh boy, you got that right...
<hr width="50%">
:'''Marina''': ''[In her letter to Setsuna]'' Setsuna, even if you never read this letter, it's important that I write it. So please, let me put my feelings about you into words. You were forced to fight as a child soldier of Krugis, until eventually you could only live on the battlefield. Even though we both share the same desire to seek peace, even though we understand each other, why is it that my path and yours will never intersect? You use force to try and eliminate conflict from the world. Even if you were to succeed, would you ever find your own happiness in it? You're burdened with sin and you suffer scars and yet, you continue to fight. I can't help but think your way of living is unbearably sad. I believe the sharing of happiness that is within each person and then expanding those personal relationships is what will lead us to true peace. So please, it is my wish that someday you will seize your own happiness. Setsuna, I pray that someday, happiness finds you.
== ''Gundam 00 the Movie: A Wakening of the Trailblazer'' ==
:''[Onscreen line]'' Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Graham Aker''': Why does your heart falter?! You should be saying that you're fighting for the sake of living! To continue that existence filled with contradictions, that's what it means to live!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Graham Aker''': Go forth, young man! You'll live and blaze a trail to the future!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Graham Aker''': ''[Final words to Setsuna]'' Young man! I, Graham Aker, shall guarantee that you pilot into the future! This isn't dying, this is living for the survival and future of mankind!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Marina Ismail''': I can see it, Setsuna, your yearnings. Yes, something so simple can bring the whole world together.
<hr width="50%">
:'''E.A. Ray''': The discovery of fundamental particles that can transmit one's consciousness; the theory of a semi-perpetual engine that generates those particles; the invention of a quantum-type processing system; a proposal for a solar power generation system based on the construction of orbital elevators; every one of these outstanding technologies would make life better for humanity. But I always thought you hated humans. Isn't that why you that why you live on this solitary island?
:'''Aeolia Schenberg''': What I hate are people who misuse their intelligence, the ones who get caught up in their own personal beliefs and prejudices and lose sight of the truth. It leads to misunderstandings, followed by discord and then by conflict. All I want is understanding between people.
:'''E.A. Ray''': So that's the kind of world you seek.
:'''Aeolia Schenberg''': Humans must learn to apply their intelligence correctly and evolve beyond their current state. People must change, otherwise even if humanity expands into space, it will only create new conflicts. And that would be a very sad thing.
:'''E.A. Ray''': Aeolia Schenberg...
<hr width="50%">
:'''Setsuna F. Seiei''': You were always right.
:'''Marina Ismail''': You too, you weren't mistaken either.
:'''Setsuna''': After all this time....
:'''Marina''': After all this time....
:'''Setsuna and Marina''': We finally understand each other.
== External Links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:Anime]]
[[Category:Gundam]]
[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
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Wikiquote:Requests for adminship
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Piet Mondrian
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[[File:Piet Mondrian 2.jpg|thumb|right|Photo of Piet Mondrian, 1922; in art-magazine [[w:De Stijl|De Stijl]], Vol. 5, nr. 12)]]
[[File:Modellino dello studio di mondrian a new york del 1943, 1987, 02.jpg|thumb|right|Re-model of Mondrian's studio in New York, c. 1943]]
'''[[w:Piet Mondrian|Pieter Cornelis "Piet" Mondriaan]]''' (after 1912: Piet Mondrian). (March 7, 1872 – February 1, 1944) was a Dutch painter starting in Dutch [[Impressionism|impressionism]] but soon started to develop abstraction from his landscape paintings. He became an inspiring leader of the [[w:De Stijl|De Stijl]] art movement and group, together with [[Theo van Doesburg]]. Mondrian proclaimed '[[w:De Stijl|Neo Plasticism]]' as a completely new, [[Abstract art]] style.
== Quotes of Piet Mondrian ==
:<small>'''chronologically ordered, after date of the quotes of Piet Mondrian'''</small>
[[File:De Koninklijke Waskaarsenfabriek aan de Boerenwetering.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1899: 'Royal wax-candles factory', drawing on paper [http://beeldbank.amsterdam.nl/afbeelding/010097000041]; location: [[w:Amsterdam City Archives|City Archives]] of Amsterdam]]
[[File:On the Lappenbrink in Winterswijk by Piet Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1899: 'At the Patch brink in Winterswijk / Op de Lappenbrink te Winterswijk', pastel on paper; location: [[w:Rijksmuseum|Rijksmuseum]], Amsterdam]]
[[File:Mondrian, Piet - Self-portret c. 1900 A137.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1900: 'Self-portrait', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:The Phillips Collection|The Phillips Collection]] Washington D.C.]]
[[File:Mondrian Meisjesportret met bloemen.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1901: 'Portrait of a Girl with flowers', oil on canvas]]
[[File:Truncated View of the Broekzijdse Molen on the Gein by Piet Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1902-03: 'Truncated View of the Broekzijdse Molen on the Gein' [https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gein_(rivier)#/media/File:Exterieur_OVERZICHT_-_Abcoude_-_20285763_-_RCE.jpg], oil on canvas mounted on cardboard; location: [[w:Museum of Modern Art|MoMA]] New York]]
[[File:Oostzijdse molen aan het Gein bij maanlicht.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1903: 'Oostzijdse Mill along the River Gein by Moonlight', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Rijksmuseum Amsterdam|Rijksmuseum Amsterdam]], room 3.1]]
[[File:Mondriaan - Bomenrij in drassig landschap, bij Duivendrecht.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1905-06: 'Line of Trees in marshy Landscape, near [[w:Duivendrecht|Duivendrecht]]', chalk and watercolor-painting on paper; location: [[w:Frans Hals Museum|Frans Hals Museum]], Haarlem, Netherlands]]
[[File:Mondriaan Windmill-in-the-gein-1907.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1907: 'Mill in het Gein', oil-painting]]
[[File:Red Amaryllis with Blue Background by Piet Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1907: 'Red Amaryllis with Blue background', watercolor-painting on paper]]
[[File:Devotion, by Piet Mondriaan.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1908: 'Devotion', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague - quote of Mondrian, 1909: '' '..by giving the hair that sort of red, to tone down the material side of things, to suppress any thoughts about 'hair', 'costume', etc, and to stress the spiritual. I believe that color and line can do much towards this end.' '']]
[[File:Chrysanthemum by Piet Mondrian (Guggenheim).jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1908-09: 'Chrysanthemum' [https://www.guggenheim.org/artwork/2999], charcoal-drawing on paper; location: [[w:Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum|Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum]] New York quote of Mondrian, c. 1912: '' 'I too find flowers beautiful in their exterior beauty, yet there is hidden within a deeper beauty.' '']]
[[File:Anemones in a Vase - Piet Mondriaan - 1906.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1909: 'Anemones in a Vase', oil-painting on cardboard; location unknown]]
[[File:Dune III, by Piet Mondriaan.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1909: 'Dune III', oil-painting on cardboard; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague - quote of Mondrian, 1909: '' 'I believe that in our period it is definitely necessary that, as far as possible, the paint is applied in pure colours, set next to each other in a pointillist or diffuse manner.' '']]
[[File:Sea after sunset, by Piet Mondriaan.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1909: 'Sea after sunset', oil-painting on cardboard; location:
[[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague]]
[[File:Piet Mondriaan - Vuurtoren bij Westkapelle, ink on paper.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1909: 'Lighthouse-tower near [[w:Westkapelle, Netherlands|Westkapelle]], ink-drawing on paper; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague]]
[[File:Mondrian, Evolution (Triptychon), 1911.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1911: 'Evolution (Triptychon)', oil-painting on canvas; location:[[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague - quote of Mondrian, late 1910: '' '..the Catholic religion as it was originally, is the same as [[w:Theosophy|Theosophy]], is it not? I remained broadly in agreement with [[w:Jan Toorop|Toorop]], and I could tell that he goes to the depths, and that he is searching for the spiritual..]]
[[File:Gray Tree 1911.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1911: 'Gray Tree, 1911', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague]]
[[File:Trees, 1912, Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1912: 'Trees, 1912', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Carnegie Museum of Art|Carnegie Museum of Art]], Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - quote of Mondrian, 1912: '' 'If the masculine is the vertical line, then a man will recognize this element in the rising line of a forest. - Woman.. sees herself in the recumbent lines of the sea, and her complement in the vertical lines of the forest.' '']]
[[File:Mondrian Compositie bomen II.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1912+13: 'Composition, Trees II', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague]]
[[File:Piet Mondrian - Boom A.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, c. 1913: 'Tree A / Boom A', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Tate Modern|Tate Modern]] London]]
[[File:Composition 8, 1914, Piet Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1914: 'Composition 8', location: [[w:Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum|Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum]] New York]]
[[File:Mondrian Tableau III.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1914: 'Tableau III (Composition in Oval', [http://www.stedelijk.nl/en/artwork/1572-tableau-iii-compositie-in-ovaal], oil-painting on canvas; location [[w:Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam|Stedelijk Museum]] Amsterdam]]
[[File:Mondrian Compositie 10.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1915: 'Composition No.10 (Pier and Ocean)', oil-painting on canvas;
[https://krollermuller.nl/en/piet-mondriaan-composition-10-in-black-and-white] - quote of Mondrian in a letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 1915: '' 'As you can see this is a composition of vertical and horizontal lines which will (in an abstract manner) have to express the idea of rising upwards, of magnitude.. .I always confine myself to expressing the general.]]
[[File:Composition, Piet Mondrian, 1916.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1916: 'Composition', painting]]
[[File:Mondrian Compositie in kleur A.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1917: 'Composition in color A', oil-painting]]
[[File:Mondriaan De Molen.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1917: 'Windmill', oil-painting on canvas]]
[[File:Composition with Color Fields by Piet Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1917: 'Composition with Color Fields', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen|Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen, room 31]] Rotterdam - quote of Mondrian, 1917: '' 'As a pure representation of the human mind, art will express itself in an aesthetically purified, that is to say, abstract form.' '']]
[[File:Mondrian, Piet - Self-portrait 1918.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1918: 'Self-portrait' (he created in Laren, Netherlands and presented to Sal Slijper), oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague]]
[[File:Mondrian Compositie Dambord, donkere Kleuren.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1919: 'Composition Checkerboard', oil on canvas; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague]]
[[File:Mondrian Composition - Light Color Planes with Grey Lines.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1919: 'Composition - Light Color Planes with Grey Lines', painting]]
[[File:Composition A by Piet Mondrian Galleria Nazionale d'Arte Moderna e Contemporanea.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1920: 'Composition A', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Galleria Nazionale d'Arte Moderna|Galleria Nazionale d'Arte Moderna]] Rome - quote of Mondrian, 1919: '' 'This new plastic idea will ignore the particulars of appearance, that is to say, natural form and colour. On the contrary, it should find its expression in the abstraction of form and colour' '']]
[[File:Piet Mondrian - Lozenge Composition with Yellow, Black, Blue, Red, and Gray - 1921 - The Art Institute of Chicago.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1921: 'Lozenge Composition with Yellow, Black, Blue, Red, and Gray', oil-painting]]
[[File:Piet Mondriaan, 1921 - Composition en rouge, jaune, bleu et noir.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1921: 'Composition in red, yellow, blue and black', oil-painting on canvas; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]] The Hague]]
[[File:Piet Mondrian - Composition with Blue, Red, Yellow, and Black - 65.5 - Minneapolis Institute of Arts.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1922: 'Composition with Blue, Red, Yellow, and Black', oil-painting]]
[[File:Piet Mondrian and Pétro van Doesburg.jpg|thumb|right|1923: photo of Piet Mondrian in his studio at Rue du Départ Paris, with [[w:Nelly van Doesburg|Nelly van Doesburg]], - Amsterdam, Privatcollection.]]
[[File:'Tableau No. VIII' by Piet Mondrian, 1925.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1925: 'Tableau No. VIII', oil on canvas]]
[[File:Composition no. III with red, yellow, and blue by Piet Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1927: 'Composition no. III with red, yellow, and blue', oil-painting]]
[[File:Mondrian, Compositie met rood, geel en blauw.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1928: 'Composition with red, yellow and blue', oil-painting on canvas; location: Wilhelm-Hack-Museum, Ludwigshafen am Rhein]]
[[File:Piet Mondriaan, 1930 - Mondrian Composition II in Red, Blue, and Yellow.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1930: 'Composition II in Red, Blue, and Yellow', oil-painting on canvas]]
[[File:Piet mondrian, composizione a losanga con linee gialle, 1933.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1933: 'Lozenge composition with yellow lines', oil-painting]]
[[File:Piet mondrian, composizione (n.1) grigio-rosso, 1935, 01.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1935: 'Composition (n.1) gray-red', oil-painting]]
[[File:Composition No. 1 with Grey and Red 1938 (Composition with Red 1939) by Piet Mondrian.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1938/39: 'Composition No. 1 with Grey and Red, 1938', oil-painting]]
[[File:Piet mondrian, composizione no. 11, 1940-42-london con blu, rosso e giallo, 1940-42, 01.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1940-42: 'Composition 11 no. 11 with Blue, Red and Yellow', oil-painting]]
[[File:Piet mondrian, new york city, 1942, 01.JPG|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1942: 'New York City, 1942' oil-painting; location: [[w:Musée National d'Art Moderne|Musée National d'Art Moderne]], Paris]]
[[File:Mondrian, New York City II.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1942-44: 'New York City II', oil-painting with tape]]
[[File:Piet Mondrian Victory Boogie Woogie.jpg|thumb|right|Mondrian, 1942-44: 'Victory Boogie Woogie', oil, tape , paper, charcoal and pencil on canvas, made in New York; location: [[w:Gemeentemuseum Den Haag|Municipal Museum]], The Hague]]
=== 1890's ===
* I often sketched [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9b/Piet_Mondriaan_-_Moulin_2.jpg by moonlight] {in the 1890's] - cows resting or standing immovable in flat Dutch meadows, or houses with dead, blank windows. I never painted these things romantically, but from the very beginning I was always a realist.
** Later Quote of Mondrian, about his 1890's; taken from 'Mondrian, Essays' ('Plastic art and pure plastic art', 1937 and his other essays, (1941-1943) by Piet Mondrian; Wittenborn-Schultz Inc., New York, 1945, p. 10; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 39
* When I first saw the work of the Impressionists, [[w:Theo van Gogh|Van Gogh]], [[w:Kees van Dongen|Van Dongen]] and the [[w:Fauvism|Fauves]], I admired it. But I had to seek the true way alone.
** Quote of Mondrian about his 1890' years; in 'Mondrian, Essays' ('Plastic art and pure plastic art', 1937 and his other essays, (1941-1943) by Piet Mondrian; Wittenborn-Schultz Inc., New York, 1945, p. 10; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 40
=== 1900's ===
* With that work [Mondrian is referring to his figurative painting '[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d0/Devotion%2C_by_Piet_Mondriaan.jpg Devotion]' he painted in 1908, of a devotedly looking girl] I only envisaged a girl conceived devotedly.. ..and by giving the hair that sort of red, to tone down the material side of things, to suppress any thoughts about 'hair', 'costume', etc, and to stress the spiritual. I believe that color and line can do much towards this end; moreover, I should not wish to do without line.. .It is precisely the overall line of a thing which I find fundamentally important, and also, the colour.
** Quote of Mondrian, in a letter to [[w:Israel Querido|Israel Querido]], Summer of 1909; published in the weekly magazine 'De Controleur' 23 Oct, 1909; as cited in English translation, in ''Two Mondrian sketchbooks 1912 - 1914'', ed. Robert P. Welsh & J. M. Joosten, Amsterdam 1969 p. 9
* I believe that in our period it is definitely necessary that, as far as possible, the paint is applied in pure colours, set next to each other in a pointillist or diffuse manner. This is stated strongly, and yet it relates to the idea which is the basis of meaningful expression in form, as I see it. It seems to me that the clarity of ideas should be accompanied by a clarity of technique.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[w:Israel Querido|Israel Querido]], Summer of 1909; published in the weekly magazine 'De Controleur' 23 Oct, 1909; as cited in English translation, in ''Two Mondrian sketchbooks 1912 - 1914'', ed. Robert P. Welsh & J. M. Joosten, Amsterdam 1969 p. 10
* For the present at least [1909] I shall restrict my work to the ordinary world of the senses, since that is the world in which we still live. But nevertheless art even now form a transition to the finer regions, which perhaps I am incorrect in calling spiritual, for everything that has form is not yet spiritual, as I read somewhere. But it is nonetheless the path of ascension away from matter. Well dear Querido, with many heartfelt wishes, Piet Mondriaan.
** Quote from Mondrian's letter to [[w:Israel Querido|Israel Querido]], Summer of 1909; published in the weekly magazine 'De Controleur' 23 Oct, 1909; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 36
=== 1910's ===
* He [ [[w:Jan Toorop|Jan Toorop]], an older and famous Dutch religious painter] sees the Catholic faith as [[w:Annie Besant|A. Besant]], [a British Theosophiste and women's right activiste, then] views it in its primeval period: the Catholic religion as it was originally, is the same as Theosophy, is it not? I remained broadly in agreement with Toorop, and I could tell that he goes to the depths, and that he is searching for the spiritual.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to {{w|nl:Kees Spoor|Cornelis Spoor}}, Domburg October 1910; Van Ginneken and Joosten, op. cit. (note 26), pp. 263; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 47
* The first thing to change in my painting was the color [c. 1908-09]. I forsook natural color for pure color. I had come to feel that the colors of nature cannot be reproduced on canvas. Instinctively I felt that painting had to find a new way to express the beauty of nature.
** Quote of Mondrian about 1905-1910; in 'Mondrian, Essays' ('Plastic art and pure plastic art', 1937 and his other essays, (1941-1943) by Piet Mondrian; Wittenborn-Schultz Inc., New York, 1945, p. 10; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 40
* It was during this early period of experiment that I first went to Paris. The time was around 1910 when Cubism was in its beginnings. I admired [[Henri Matisse|Matisse]], [[w:Kees van Dongen|Van Dongen]] and the other [[w:Fauvism|Fauves]], but I was immediately drawn to the Cubists, especially to [[Picasso]] and [[w:Fernand Leger|Léger]]. Of all the abstractionists ([[Kandinsky]] and the Futurists) I felt that only the [[w:Cubism|Cubists]] had discovered the right path; and, for a time, I was much influenced by them.
** Quote of Mondrian about 1910; in 'Mondrian, Essays' ('Plastic art and pure plastic art', 1937 and his other essays, (1941-1943) by Piet Mondrian; Wittenborn-Schultz Inc., New York, 1945, p. 10; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 41
*'Masculine and feminime, vertical and horizontal.
** Quote, written note beneath a drawing in Mondrian's sketchbook, 1910/11; as cited in: ''Abstract Painting'', [[w:Michel Seuphor|Michel Seuphor]], Dell Publishing Co.,1964, p. 11
* The surface of things gives enjoyment, their interiority gives life.
** Written note in Mondrian's sketchbook around 1911; quoted in ''Abstract Painting'', Michel Seuphor, Dell Publishing Co.,1964, p. 11
* You can so wonderfully be yourself here [in Paris].
** Quote of Mondrian from his postcard to a Dutch girlfriend, Paris 1911 (written in his first week in Paris), by Mondrian's recent biographer Hans Janssen, of the Gemeentemuseum in The Hague; as cited by Alastair Sooke, in 'Mondrian - the Joy of Being Square'; [http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20170710-mondrian-the-joy-of-being-square BBC culture, 10 July 2017]
* You must have heard that last autumn I almost got married, but I am glad I realized in time that it had been an illusion, all those beautiful things. Although I have always lived for art, I am also attracted to the beautiful in life and so I sometimes do things that seem strange for me.
** Quote in an undated letter to Alleta de Jongh, Paris, c. Spring 1912; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 243, note 61
* If the masc. [masculine] is the vertic. [vertical] line, then a man will recognize this element in the rising line of a forest; in the horizont. [horizontal] lines of the sea he will see his complement. Woman, with the horizont. line as element, sees herself in the recumbent lines of the sea, and her complement in the vert. lines of the forest.
** [on his two paintings 'Sea' and '[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/65/Trees%2C_1912%2C_Mondrian.jpg Trees', both made in 1912]
** note in his sketchbook, undated but c. 1912; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 70
* The principle of this art [as Mondrian proposes his view on modern art] is not a negation of matter, but a great love of matter, whereby it is seen in the highest, most intense manner possible, and depicted in the artistic creation.
** quote from Mondrian's sketchbook II, 1912/13; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 78
* We arrive at a portrayal of other things, such as the laws governing matter. These are the great generalities – Which do not change.
** note in Mondrian's sketchbook II, 1912/13; as quoted in ''Two Mondrian sketchbooks 1912 - 1914'', ed. Robert P. Welsh & J. M. Joosten, Amsterdam 1969 op. cit. (note 31), p. 61
* '''A form must be of its own time if it is to be recognized: one cannot relate to what one is not or does not have – Thus all that is of the past is to be rejected.'''
** quote in one of Mondrian's Paris' sketchbooks; as cited in ''Two Mondrian sketchbooks 1912 - 1914'', ed. Robert P. Welsh & J. M. Joosten, Amsterdam 1969 op. cit. (note 31), p. 44
* It is clear to me that this [his recent works and ideas on art] is art for the future. [[Futurism]], although it has advanced beyond naturalism, occupies itself too much with human sensations. [[Cubism]] – which in its content is still too much concerned with earlier aesthetic products, and thus less rooted in its own time than Futurism – Cubism has taken a giant step in the direction of abstraction, and is in this respect of its own time and of the future. Thus in its content it is not modern, but in its effect it is.
** In a letter to [[w:Henk Bremmer|H. P. Bremmer]] (Dutch art-critic and buyer of his paintings), Paris 29 January 1914; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 75
* You write you could never be a [[w:Theosophy|Theosophist]]. Well I suppose I could say the same thing, if you're referring to what most theosophists are. But that does not alter the fact that I believe that the principles of theosophy are true, and that it leads to clarity in one's spiritual development. Which means that we [= Mondrian ànd the catholic painter and his former teacher L. Schelfhout, after their reconciliation] quite agree on this point. Self-awareness is, in my view, of crucial importance to all human beings. I can understand how the Catholic doctrine may lead to vagueness, but [[w:Theosophy|Theosophy]], which is a spiritual science, can never do so.
** In a letter to {{w|nl:Lodwijk Schelfhout|Lodewijk Schelfhout}}, Paris 29 January 1914; as quoted in 'Beeldende Kunst: Opmerkingen over de tentoonstelling van den Modernen Kunstkring.. ''Der Ploeg'' (1912)', W. Steenhoff, p. 147
* For when I construct lines and colour combinations on a flat surface, it is with the aim of portraying 'universally beauty' as consciously as possible. Nature (or that which I see) inspires me, provides me – as it does every painter – with the emotion by which I am moved to create something, but I want to approach the truth as closely as possible, abstracting everything until I come to the foundation – still only an outward foundation! – of things. It is for me a clear truth that one does not want to say something 'specific', it is then that one says what is most specific: the truth (which is of great universality).
** Quote in a letter to [[w:Henk Bremmer|H. P. Bremmer]], Paris 29 January 1914; ; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 81
* I believe that it is possible by means of horizontal and vertical lines, constructed 'consciously' but not 'calculating', guided by a higher intuition and brought to harmony and rhythm – I believe that these fundamental aesthetic shapes – where necessary supplemented by lines in other directions or curved lines, make it possible to arrive at a work of art which is as strong as it is true. For anyone who sees more deeply, there is nothing vague about this; it is only vague for the superficial observer of nature. And 'chance' must be as far removed as 'calculation'. And for the rest it seems to me that it is necessary to keep breaking off the horizontal or vertical line: for if these directions were not countered by others, they would themselves come to signify something 'specific' and thus human.
** Quote of Mondrian in a letter to [[w:Henk Bremmer|H. P. Bremmer]], Paris 29 January 1914; ; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 81
* And finally I must tell you that I was influenced [in Paris, c. 1912/13] by seeing the work of [[Picasso]], whom I 'greatly' admire. I am not ashamed to speak of his influence, for I believe that it is better to be receptive to correction than to be satisfied with one's own imperfection, and to think that one is O so original! Just as so many painters think. And besides, I am surely totally different from Picasso, as one is generally wont to say.
** Quote from Mondrian's letter to [[w:Henk Bremmer|H. P. Bremmer]], Paris 29 January 1914; ; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 81
* '''Art is higher than reality and has no direct relation to reality. To approach the spiritual in art, one will make as little use as possible of reality, because reality is opposed to the spiritual. We find ourselves in the presence of an abstract art. Art should be above reality, otherwise it would have no value for man.'''
** Quote of Mondrian, 1914 from Wikipedia; as cited by [[w:Michel Seuphor|Michel Seuphor]], in 'Piet Mondrian: Life and Work'';Abrams, New York, 1956, p. 117
* It took me a long time to discover that particularities of form and natural colour evoke subjective states of feeling which obscure pure reality. The appearance of natural forms changes, but reality remains. To create pure reality plasticity, it is necessary to reduce natural forms to constant elements of form, and natural colour to primary colour. The aim is not to create other particular forms and colours, with all their limitations, but to work toward abolishing them in the interest of a larger unity.
** Later Quote of Mondrian, about 1910-1914; in 'Mondrian, Essays' ('Plastic art and pure plastic art', 1937 and his other essays, (1941-1943) by Piet Mondrian; Wittenborn-Schultz Inc., New York, 1945, p. 10; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 42
* As you can see this is a composition of vertical and horizontal lines which will (in an abstract manner) have to express the idea of rising upwards, of magnitude. This is the same idea which used, for example, to be the guiding principle in the construction of cathedrals. Since only the manner of expression and not the representation has to express this general idea, I have not given any title. An abstract human mind will, of itself, receive the intended impression. I always confine myself to expressing the general.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], Amsterdam, 1915; as cited in ''Letters of the great artists'', Richard Friedenthal, Thames and Hudson, London, 1963, p. 234 (transl. Daphne Woodward)
* The abstract human mind will have to receive the intended impression by its own means. I always confine myself to expressing the universal, that is, the eternal (closest to the spirit) and I do so in the simplest of external forms, in order to be able to express the inner meaning as lightly veiled as possible.
** Quote of Mondrian in his letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 1915; as cited in the 'Stijl' catalogue, 1951, p. 71; quoted in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 6
* Forgive me of saying so, but good things just have to grow very slowly. I say this in connection with your [Doesburg's] plans.. ..for launching a journal [ [[w:De Stijl|De Stijl]]. I do not think that the time is favourable for it. More must be achieved in art in that direction. I hardly know anyone who is really creating art in our style, in other words, art which has arrived.. ..(i.e. you will have to include in it [in the planned art-Journal '[[w:De Stijl|De Stijl'] what is not consistent with our ideas.)
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], Amsterdam, November 20, 1915; as cited in ''Letters of the great artists'', (transl. Daphne Woodward)), Richard Friedenthal, Thames and Hudson, London, 1963, p. 234
* You should remember that my things are still intended to be paintings, that is to say, they are plastic representations, in and by themselves, not part of a building. Furthermore, they have been made in a small room. Also, that I use subdued colours for the time being, adapting myself to the present surroundings and to the outer world; this does not mean that I should not prefer a pure colouring. Otherwise you might think that I contradict myself in my work.
** Quote of Mondrian in a letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 13 Feb. 1917; as cited in 'Stijl' catalogue, 1951, p. 72; in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, pp 13-14
* This year [Paris 1916-17, when Mondrian didn't finish hardly any painting] I have worked hard, and done much searching. A great deal of the old [way of painting] was due for a change. I was searching for a purer representation, which is why I wasn't satisfied with anything.. .The large black and white one ['[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d2/Mondriaan_Compositie_in_lijn.jpg Composition in line]', 1917 - second state] has also been totally reworked, which I now regret; it would have been better to leave it as it was, and make a new one. But when one is searching, one does not now in advance just how to go about it.
* Quote in a letter of 7 March 1917 to [[w:Henk Bremmer|H. P. Bremmer]]; as cited in ''Mondrian, -The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 91
* [[Kandinsky]] points out [in his book ''On the Spiritual in Art''] that [[w:Theosophy|Theosophy]] (in its true sense; not as it generally appears) is yet another expression of the same spiritual movement which we are now seeing in painting.
** In 'De Nieuwe beelding in de Schilderkunst', Piet Mondriaan, 'De Stijl' No. 1, October 1917, p. 54
* With regard to the diagonal, too, I am in complete agreement with you [with [[Theo van Doesburg]] ]. As soon as it appears together with straight [horizontal and vertical] lines, I believe it should be condemned.. .A while back I started a thing entirely in diamonds [diamond-shape] like this [his sketch in the letter of several diamond-forms]. I have to find out if it's possible: intellectually I'm inclined to say it is. There's something to be said for the idea, because perpendicular and flat lines can be seen everywhere in nature; by using a diagonal line I would be canceling that out. But I'm inclined to say that this cannot be combined with [[w:Perpendicular|perpendicular]] and flat lines or with different kinds of slanting lines.
** Quote from a letter of Mondrian to [[Theo van Doesburg]], undated, c. May 1918; as cited in ''Mondrian, -The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 120
** Quote about the growing controversy between Mondrian and Van Doesburg. concerning the use of diagonal lines
* And now about architects in general – I have to say it, Does [= [[Theo van Doesburg]] ], when '[[w:De Stijl|De Stijl']] was founded I left it up to you, but I never did agree with you when you ranked the architects alongside us, alongside our 'N.B.' ({{w|nl:Nieuwe Beelding}} / Neo-Plasticism) I knew then that it would lead to conflict.. .I cannot write about architecture, because I'm not an architect. I mean, I cannot write about the way I write about painting. Later on, though, I will put forward a few ideas.
** In a letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], Paris 9 July 1918; as quoted in ''Mondrian, -The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 139
* In Paris, I quickly mastered the [[w:Foxtrot|Foxtrot]], the [[w:Shimmy|Shimmy]] and the [[w:One-Step|One Step]], [he liked the Shimmy best:] At first, the heel-toe was sort of tricky. Nowadays, they find ways around it.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], undated, c. 1917/18; as cited in [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/24/travel/piet-mondrian-netherlands-abstract-painter-de-stijl-design.html?em_pos=medium&emc=edit_li_20170527&nl=nyt-living&nl_art=1&nlid=78029813&ref=headline&te=1&_r=0 'Mondrian's World: From Primary Colors to the Boogie Woogie Footsteps' by Nina Stegal, 24 MAY, 2017]
* The free placement of the means of expression is a privilege enjoyed exclusively by painting [different opinion with Theo van Doesburg]] ]. The sister arts, sculpture and architecture, are more restricted in this respect. The other arts enjoy even less scope in their employment of the means of expression.
** Quote of Mondrian, c. Oct. 1917; as cited in ''Letters of the great artists'', Richard Friedenthal, Thames and Hudson, London, 1963 (transl. Daphne Woodward), p. 237
* I remained there [in The Netherlands, 1914-18] for the duration of the war, continuing my work of abstraction in a series of church. facades, trees, houses, etc. But I felt that I still worked as an Impressionist and was continuing to express particular feelings, not pure reality. Although I was thoroughly conscious that we can never be absolutely 'objective', I felt that one can become less and less subjective, until the subjective no longer predominates in one's work. More and more I excluded from my painting all curved lines, until finally my compositions consisted only of vertical and horizontal lines which formed crosses, each separate and detached from the other. Observing sea, sky and stars, I sought to indicate their plastic function through a multiplicity crossing verticals and horizontals.
** Quote of Mondrian about 1914-1918; in 'Mondrian, Essays' ('Plastic art and pure plastic art', 1937 and his other essays, (1941-1943) by Piet Mondrian; Wittenborn-Schultz Inc., New York, 1945, p. 10; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 43
** Mondrian described his forced stay in The Netherlands; he could not return to Paris because of the start World War 1. in 1914
* Dear Does [= [[Theo van Doesburg]] ], thank you for your letter.. .I was glad to know that in principle you are in favour of the [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/Piet_mondrian%2C_composizione_con_griglia_4_%28losanga%29%2C_1919.JPG diamond hanging] [Mondrian's painting, he made in 1919, hanging in a rhombus] and I think that in practice you will approve of this method for some of my things. You look at the thing [painting] itself, and not only the outward appearance..
** In a letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 3 March 1919; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 122
* And then about whether or not to work from a given in nature. In my view, you [ [[Van Doesburg]] ] define this in a rather narrow sense. In the main, I do agree with you that the destruction of the natural, and it reconstruction, must be accomplished according to a spiritual image, but I believe that we should take a broad view here. What is natural does not have to be a representation of something. I'm now working on a thing that is a reconstruction of a starry sky ['Composition, Checkerboard Dark Colours', 1919] and yet I'm making it without a given from nature. Someone who says he uses a theme from nature can be right, but also someone who says he uses nothing at all.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 18 April 1919; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, pp. 125-6
* I am searching for the proper harmony of rhythm and unchanging proportion, as I wrote in the article. And I cannot tell you how difficult it is. [Mondrian is reacting on Van Doesburg criticism of the strong domination of the regular grid in Mondrian's latest paintings]
** In Mondrian's letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], Paris, 16 September 1919; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 171
* My new installment [Mondrian moved to a new studio in Paris, where he applied the principles of [[w:De Stijl|Neo-Plasticism]] into [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7f/Piet_Mondrian_and_P%C3%A9tro_van_Doesburg.jpg the interior of his studio] ] is about decoration, occasioned by my studio here, where I've set up a sort of display. I couldn't work directly on the walls, so I had to make do with pieces of painted cardboard. But in any case, I am now convinced that in this way it is possible to realize Neo-Plasticism in the interior. Of course I had to paint the furniture as well. It was worth the effort, as it has a favourable influence on my work.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 4 December 1919; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 141
* The new vision.. ..does not proceed from a fixed point. Its viewpoint is everywhere, and not limited to any one position [in space]. Nor is it bound by space or time (in accordance with the theory of relativity) [of [[w:Albert Einstein|Einstein]] ]. In practice, the viewpoint is in front of the plane.. .Thus this new vision sees architecture as a multiplicity of planes; again flat. This multiplicity composes itself (in an abstract sense) into a flat image [in contrast to [[Theo van Doesburg]] who emphasized the dynamic position of the viewer – a central idea of [[Futurism]] in 1919].
** Quote, 1919, as cited in ''Mondrian, -The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 148
* Nature moves me deeply; I paint nature (now) only in a different way..
** Quote of P. Mondrian, 1919-20; as cited in ''Gedurende een wandeling van buiten naar de stad. Dialoog en Trialoog over de Nieuwe Beelding'', ed. H. Henkels; Haags Gemeentemuseum Den Haag 1986, p. 24
* [I am searching] pure expression of that incomprehensible power, which works universally.
** Quote of P. Mondrian, 1919-20; as cited in ''Gedurende een wandeling van buiten naar de stad. Dialoog en Trialoog over de Nieuwe Beelding'', ed. H. Henkels; Haags Gemeentemuseum Den Haag 1986, p. 28
==== 'Natural Reality and Abstract Reality', 1919 ====
:<small>'''Quotes of Piet Mondrian from his text: [http://homepages.neiu.edu/~wbsieger/Art319/319Read/319Mondrian.pdf 'Natural Reality and Abstract Reality' - an essay in Trialogue form], 1919; published in [[w:De Stijl|De Stijl]] magazine, 1919-1920'''</small>
* '''The cultivated man of today is gradually turning away from natural things, and his life is becoming more and more abstract. Natural (external) things become more and more automatic, and we observe that our vital attention fastens more and more on internal things.'''
* Modern man - although a unity of body, mind, and soul - exhibits a changed consciousness: every expression of his life has today a different aspect, that is, an aspect more positively abstract.
* It is the same with art. Art will become the product of another duality in man: the product of a cultivated externality and of an inwardness deepened and more conscious. As a pure representation of the human mind, art will express itself in an aesthetically purified, that is to say, abstract form.
* '''The truly modern artist is aware of abstraction in an emotion of beauty; he is conscious of the fact that the emotion of beauty is cosmic, universal. This conscious recognition has for its corollary an abstract plasticism, for man adheres only to what is universal.'''
* The new plastic idea cannot, therefore, take the form of a natural or concrete representation, although the latter does always indicate the universal to a degree, or at least conceals it within.
* This new plastic idea will ignore the particulars of appearance, that is to say, natural form and color. On the contrary, it should find its expression in the abstraction of form and color, that is to say, in the straight line and the clearly defined primary color.
* These universal means of expression were discovered in modern painting by a logical and gradual progress toward ever more abstract form and color. Once the solution was discovered, there followed the exact representation of relations alone, that is to say, of the essential and fundamental element in any plastic emotion of the beautiful.
* The new plastic idea thus correctly represents actual aesthetic relationships. To the modern artist, it is a natural consequence of all the plastic ideas of the past. This is particularly true of painting, which is the art least bound to contingencies. The picture can be a pure reflection of life in its deepest essence.
* However, new plasticism is pure painting [in contrast with the opinion of [[Theo van Doesburg]], then]: the means of expression still are form and color, though these are completely interiorized; the straight line and flat color remain purely pictorial means of expression.
* The balanced relation is the purest representation of universality, of the harmony and unity which are inherent characteristics of the mind.
* If, then, we focus our attention on the balanced relation, we shall be able to see unity in natural things. However, there it appears under a veil. But even though we never find unity expressed exactly, we can unify every representation, in other words, the exact representation of unity can be expressed; it must be expressed, for it is not visible in concrete reality.
* ..the universal cannot be expressed purely so long as the particular obstructs the path. Only when this is no longer the case can the universal consciousness (intuition, that is) which is at the origin of all art, be rendered directly, giving birth to a purified art expression.<br>This, however, cannot appear before its proper time. For it is the spirit of the times that determines artistic expression, which, in turn, reflects the spirit of the times. But at the present moment, that form of art alone is truly alive which expresses our present - or future - consciousness.
* Composition allows the artist the greatest possible freedom, so that his subjectivity can express itself, to a certain degree, for as long as needed.
* The rhythm of relations of color and size makes the absolute appear in the relativity of time and space.
* In terms of composition the new plasticism is dualistic. Through the exact reconstruction of cosmic relations it is a direct expression of the universal; by its rhythm, by the material reality of its plastic form, it expresses the artist's individual subjectivity. It thus unfolds before us a whole world of universal beauty without thereby renouncing the human element.
=== 1920's ===
* They [Mondrian's friends in Paris, Tonia and Wim Stieltjes] are receptive to the new, although they do not know what it is. Thus I do occasionally feel that my effort has not been in vain. They find the idea of the N.B. [= Dutch: {{w|nl:Nieuwe Beelding}} / Neo Plasticism] sound and quite magnificent, but think that it will be quite a long time before people are ready for it.
** In a letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], Paris 1920; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 17
* Ru-h-ru-h-ru-h-h-h-h. Pooh-ooh-ooh. Tick-tick-tick-tick. Pre. R-r-r-r-r-uh-h. Huh! Bang. Su-su-su-ur. Booh-a-ah. R-r-r-r. Pooh…multitude of sounds, all mixed together. Motorcars, buses, carts, carriages, people, lamp-posts, trees.. all mixed together; in front of cafés, shops, offices, posters, shop windows: multitude of things. Motion and standstills: different movement. Movement in space and movement in time. Multitude of images and all sorts of ideas. Images are veiled truths. All different truths form what is true. What is individual does not display all in a single image.. ..Ru-ru-ru-u-u. Pre. Images are boundaries. Multitude of images and all sorts of boundaries. Elimination of images and boundaries through all sorts of images. Boundary clouds what is true. Rebus: where is what is true? Boundaries are just as relative as images, as time and space. [Mondrian's poem has strong connections with 'dynamism' of [[Futurism]]]
** Quote from his article 'The Grand Boulevards', Piet Mondriaan, in Dutch magazine 'De Groene Amsterdammer', 27 March 1920 pp. 4-5
* The artist make things move, and is moved. He is policeman, motor car, everything at once. He who makes things move also creates rest. That which aesthetically is brought to rest is art.
** In 'The Grand Boulevards' (of Paris), Piet Mondriaan, in 'De Groene Amsterdammer', 27 March 1920 pp. 4-5
* A particular thought is not the same as a concentrated, creative thought, which is actually a feeling of inward-looking calm. The former produces a descriptive and morpho-plastic art, the latter a purely plastic manifestation. It is a question of the universal versus the individual. [Mondrian refers to [[w:André Gide|André Gide]]'s 'Dada', in 'Nouvelle Revue Francaise', 1 April 1920]
** As quoted by the editors of 'The New Art – The New Life', op. cit. (Intro., note 1), p. 395, note 8
* I am very glad that the criticism is what it is. It is all right that way. In complete opposition to our direction. Otherwise we [De Stijl-artists] would have nothing to do. I got another impression from your letter, but it is much better this way. There we see again: we have straightly to oppose the whole to-do, à part.
** Quote of Mondrian in a letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 17 May, 1920; as cited in 'Stijl' catalogue, 1951, p. 72; quoted in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p 19
* [Paris, as modern city] is beautiful in its perfection, but perfection means death and decay. Thus interfering with the process of dying is a crime against perfection: it stands in the way of a higher perfection.
** Quote of Mondrian in 'Natuurlijke en abstracte realiteit', Piet Mondriaan, in '[[w:De Stijl|De Stijl]]' III, 1920, p. 75
* I believe that new art must differ totally in its manifestation from art as we know it, and people may be very reluctant to accept this. It is perhaps true to say, as someone did of cubism, that 'To sum up: since art is a need to create rather than imitate, the '[[Cubism|cubists]]' rousing themselves from the sentimentality born of the picturesque aspect of some natural spectacle or other, disengage the fleeting aspects from those which are constant and absolute, and with the aid of these two elements, construct a reality equivalent to that which they see before them'. Thus it is a question of finding the true equivalence (that, offered by [[Cubism]] is still not true equivalence), and this can only be 'that which is not nature at all, and is nonetheless one with nature [like in Neo-Plasticism / [[De Stijl]] ].
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[w:Lodewijk van Deyssel|Lodewijk van Deyssel]] (who reacted as Dutch art critic on Mondrians essay: 'Le Néo-plasticisme'] Paris, February 1921; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 136
* Having red several of your books, I wonder if you [ [[w:Rudolf Steiner|Rudolf Steiner]], the German founder of anthroposophy] could find the time to read my brochure 'Le Néo-Plasticisme', which I am closing. I believe that [[w:De Stijl|Neo-Plasticism]] is the art of the foreseeable future for all true anthroposophists and theosophists. Neo-Plasticism creates harmony through the equivalence of the two extremes: the universal and the individual. The former by 'revelation', the latter by 'deduction'.. .It was impossible to bring about an equilibrium of relationships other than by destroying the 'form', and replacing it by a new 'universal' expressive means.
** Quote from Mondrian's letter to [[w:Rudolf Steiner|Rudolf Steiner]], c. 1921-23; as cited in ''Abstract Painting'', [[Michel Seuphor]], Dell Publishing Co 1964, p. 83-85
* Neo-Plasticism has its roots in [[Cubism]]. It could just as easy be called the Painting of Real Abstraction. Since the abstract can be expressed by a plastic reality.. .It achieves what all painting has tried to achieve but has been able to express only in a veiled manner. By their position and their dimension as well as by the importance of given to colour, the coloured planes express in a plastic way only relations and not forms. Neo-Plasticism imparts to these relations an aesthetic balance and thereby expresses universal harmony.. .For the moment what art had discovered must still be limited to art itself. Our environment cannot yet be realized as a creation of pure harmony. Art today is at the very point formerly occupied by religion. In its deepest meaning art was the transposition of the natural [into another plane]; in practice it always sought to achieve harmony between man and untransposed nature. Generally speaking, so do [[w:Theosophy (Blavatskian)|Theosophy]] and [[w:Anthroposophy|Anthroposophy]], although these already possessed the original symbol of balance. And this is why they never were able to achieve equivalent relations, that is to say true harmony.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to [[w:Rudolf Steiner|Rudolf Steiner]], c. 1921-23; as cited in ''Abstract Painting'', [[Michel Seuphor]], Dell Publishing Co 1964, p. 83-85
* Art on the contrary sought this harmony in practice [of art itself]. More and more in its creations it has given inwardness to that what surrounds us in nature, until, in Neo-Plasticism, nature is no longer dominant. This achievement of balance may prepare the way for the fulfillment of man and signal the end of (what we call) art.
** In a letter to Rudolph Steiner, c. 1921-23; as quoted in ''Abstract Painting'', [[Michel Seuphor]], Dell Publishing Co., 1964, p. 85
* It is of small importance whether [[De Stijl]] still exists as a 'group'; a new style was born, a new aesthetic created; it needs only to be understood – and cultivated.
** Quote in: 'L'expression plastique nouvelle dans la peinture', Piet Mondriaan, '[[w:Cahiers d'art|Cahiers d'Art]]', 1, Paris, 1926, pp. 181-183
* [jazz and [[w:De Stijl|Neo-Plasticism]] are] highly revolutionary phenomena: they are destructive constructive. They do not destroy the actual content of form, but rather deepen form only in order to elevate it to a new order. They break the bonds of 'form as individuality' in order to make possible a universal unity.
** Quote in: 'De Jazz en de Neo-plastiek', Piet Mondriaan, in 'i 10', 1927 pp. 421-427
* It may be noted that in [[w:De Stijl|Neo-Plastic]] art the crucial thing is the right angel, that is, the right-angle lines. And not whether the position of the lines is vertical or horizontal.. .So it is possible to make very beautiful things while placing the lines in a diagonal position.
** In 'Neo-Plasticism: Home – Street – City', Piet Mondriaan, 'i 10', Jan. 1927
* After your high-handed improvement(?) of 'Neo-plasticism' any co-operation is quite impossible for me.. .For the rest sans rancune - Piet Mondriaan.
** Quote of Mondrian in a letter to Van Doesburg, 4 Dec. 1927; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 27
** Mondrian's answer to [[Theo van Doesburg]]'s retrospective article in 'De Stijl' magazine in 1929, where he wrote: 'By the lively and most articulate evolution the principles, developed mainly by P. Mondriaan in 'De Stijl' could not any longer be considered as generally characteristic of the opinion of the group.'
=== 1930's ===
* Well, I think my paintings are fast enough already...
** Quote of Mondrian, 1930 reacting on [[Alexander Calder]], as cited by by Mondrian's recent biographer Hans Janssen, of the Gemeentemuseum in The Hague; as cited by Alastair Sooke, in 'Mondrian - the Joy of Being Square'; [http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20170710-mondrian-the-joy-of-being-square BBC culture, 10 July 2017]
** In 1930, the American sculptor Alexander Calder, (inventor of the [[w:Mobile (sculpture)|mobile / moving sculpture]]) visited Mondrian in his studio in Paris. Calder said 'Maybe you should take all these red, yellow and blue elements off the canvas and let them hang in the air, so they can move'.
* Though I do, of course agree with the principles you have mentioned, I am returning the paper unsigned, as I do not want to belong to a group. A group of people with one aim is not as yet a single-minded group and as this does not exist, a consistent group remains impossible. And a larger group only makes sense for joint exhibitions and for spreading ideas. I will therefore not participate in the other group either, but I have promised my collaboration in this respect. If you definitely want to form a group, you can always invite myself and others who are proved to be suitable. Only on such a basis I will collaborate with the other group as well.
** Quote of Mondrian, in a letter to [[Theo van Doesburg]], 1930; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 30
** Van Doesburg had attempted to form a small union of Parisian painters and sculptors who all subscribed to the principles of abstraction, the group was to be called [[w:Abstraction-Création|'Abstraction-création']]. A periodical of this group appeared under the title [[w:Art Concret|'Art Concret']]
* the Cubists in Paris made me see that there was also a possibility of suppressing the natural aspect of form. I continued my research by abstracting the form and purifying the colour more and more. While working, I arrived at suppressing the closed effect of abstract form, expressing myself exclusively by means of the straight line in rectangular opposition; thus by rectangular planes of colour with white, grey and black. At that time, I encountered artists with approximately the same spirit, First [[w:Bart van der Leck|Van der Leck]], who, though still figurative, painted in compact planes of pure colour. My more or less cubist technique - in consequence still more or less picturesque - underwent the influence of his exact technique. Shortly afterwards I had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of [[w:Theo van Doesburg|Van Doesburg]]. Full of vitality and zeal for the already international movement that was called 'abstract', and most sincerely appreciative of my work, he came to ask me to collaborate in a review he intended to publish, and which he [Theo van Doesburg] was to call '[[w:De Stijl|De Stijl]]'. I was happy with an opportunity to publish my ideas on art, which I was engaged in writing down: I saw the possibility of contacts with similar efforts.
** Quote of Mondrian c 1931, in 'De Stijl' (last number), p. 48; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, pp. 44-45
** published in the memorial number of 'De Stijl', after the death of Theo Van Doesburg in 1931
* To show that this end [of art by its dissolution into real life] is only a beginning, it is essential that.. ..the series of galleries [of the future museum of modern art] be followed by a room in which painting and sculpture will be realized by the interior itself.. ..demonstrating that what is lost for art is gained for life. This room could therefore be designed for use as a lecture room, a restaurant.. ..as a bar with an American jazz band. [Mondrian's reaction on a questionnaire (c. 1931?)]
** Quote of Mondrian, as cited in ''Mondrian, -The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 166
* I very much like [[Jean Arp|Arp]]'s things. I consider him the only 'pure' artist after Neo/Plasticism.
** In a letter to his friend architect Alfred Roth, 19 November 1931; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 204
* The rectangular plane of varying dimensions and colours visibly demonstrates that internationalism does not mean chaos ruled by monotony but an ordered and clearly divided unity. In Neo-Plasticism, there are, in fact, very definite boundaries. But these boundaries are not really closed; the straight lines in rectangular opposition to one another constantly intersect, so that their rhythm continues throughout the whole work.. .These frontiers will be clearly defined but not 'closed'; there will be no customs, no work permits. 'Foreigners' will not be viewed as aliens.
** Quote in 'The New Art – The New Life', Piet Mondrian, op. cit. Introd. Note 1., 1931
* ..the [[w:Place de l'Opéra|Place de l'Opera]] [in Paris] gives a better image of the new life than many theories. Its rhythms of opposition, twice repeated in its two directions, realizes a living equilibrium through the exactness of its execution.
** Quote of Mondrian before 1930; as cited in 'The New Art – The New Life', Piet Mondrian, op. cit. Introd. Note 1., 1931
* I believe that at times such as these my modest efforts may be useful to mankind. I have shown how the new art has succeeded in bringing about pure relationships, and furthermore how these can be created in day-to-day life. [Mondrian tried to convince the Dutch publisher Stols to publish his new manuscript 'L'art et la vie']
** In a letter to A. M. Stols, 26 March 1932; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 222
* [the double line in his paintings] is still one line, as in the case of your grooves [= the wide sunken lines in the relief's, the artist [[w:Jean Gorin|Gorin]] made then].. .In my last things the double line widens to form a plane, and yet it remains a line. Be that as it may, I believe that this question is one of those which lie beyond the realm of theory, and which are of such subtlety that they are rooted in the mystery of 'art'. But all that is not yet clear in my mind.
** Quote in Mondrian's letter to artist [[w:Jean Gorin|Gorin]], [who stated that the double line broke the necessary symmetry], 31 January, 1934; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 215
* Thus we must carefully distinguish between two kinds of reality, one which has an individual character, and one which has a universal appearance.. .It is, however, wrong to think that the non-figurative artist finds impressions and emotions received from the outside useless, and regards it even as necessary to fight against them.. .It is equally wrong to think that the non-figurative artist creates through 'the pure intention of his mechanical process', that he makes 'calculated abstractions' and that he wish to 'suppress sentiment not only in himself but in the spectator'.. .It is thus clear that he has not become a mechanic, but that the progress of science, of technique, of machinery, of life as a whole, has only made him into a living machine, capable of realizing in a pure manner the essence of art.
** Quote in: 'Plastic Art and Pure Plastic Art', Piet Mondrian (1937); in 'Documents of modern Art' ed. [[Robert Motherwell]] for Wittenborn, Schulz, New York 1945
* The important task of all art is to destroy the static equilibrium by establishing a dynamic one. Non-figurative art demands an attempt of what is a consequence of this task, the destruction of particular form and the construction of a rhythm of mutual relations, of mutual forms, or free lines.. ..the law of the denaturalization of matter is of fundamental importance. In painting, the primary color that is as pure as possible realizes this abstraction of natural color.
** Quote in: 'Plastic Art and Pure Plastic Art', Piet Mondrian (1937); in 'Documents of modern Art' ed. [[Robert Motherwell]] for Wittenborn, Schulz, New York 1945
* Vertical and horizontal lines are the expression of two opposing forces; they exist everywhere and dominate everything; their reciprocal action constitutes 'life'. I recognized that the equilibrium of any particular aspect of nature rests on the equivalence of its opposites.
** Quote in 'Plastic Art and Pure Plastic Art', Piet Mondrian (1937), in 'Documents of modern Art', for Wittenborn, New York 1945, p. 13; as quoted in ''Abstract Expressionist Painting in America'', W.C, Seitz, Cambridge Massachusetts, 1983, p. 55
* '''Art will not only continue but will realise itself more and more. By the unification of architecture, sculpture and painting a new plastic reality will be created.'''
** quote, 1937; last lines of Mondrian's publication in [[w:Circle: International Survey of Constructivist Art|'Circle']]; as cited in ''Abstract Art'', Anna Moszynska; Thames and Hudson, London 1990, p. 117
* Gradually I became aware [c. 1914-1918] that [[Cubism]] did not accept the logical consequences of its own discoveries; it was not developing abstraction towards its ultimate goal: the expression of pure reality.
* Quote of Mondrian about the years 1914-18; in 'Mondrian, Essays' ('Plastic art and pure plastic art', 1937 and his other essays, (1941-1943) by Piet Mondrian; Wittenborn-Schultz Inc., New York, 1945, p. 10; as cited in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 43
* [..how the] landlord has had my room cleaned by Snow White and the squirrel has whitewashed the walls with his tail [signed:] - "Sleepy".
* [...that the] dwarfes don't have enough time to help me themselves but send squirrels and birds. [referring to artist-friends who had helped him to settle in London.
* [..but he had] a record with the music of the dwarfes on it, and quite often play it.
** short quotes, from post-cards to his brother Carel, from London autumn, 1938; as quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2010/jun/25/artist-piet-mondrian-london-years 'Artist Piet Mondrian in London: the forgotten years', Thomasine, Sweden; The Guardian International]
** Mondrian's short quotes are referring to the Disney animation-movie [[w:Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937 film)|'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937 film)]], which he visited early 1938 with his brother Carel. His brother he named in the postcards "Sneezy".
=== 1940's ===
* In his later works [[Theo van Doesburg|Doesburg]] tried to destroy static expression by diagonal position of his lines. But in this way the feeling of physic equilibrium which is necessary to enjoy a work of art is lost.
** Quote in a letter of Mondrian to [[w:James Johnson Sweeney|Sweeney]], 24 May 1943; as cited in: [http://mondrianwritings.nl/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/102.-Two-autobiographical-texts-24-May-1943.pdf - 102 - Two autobiographical texts (24 May 1943)]
** This idea was partly the reason of their mutual split in 1924; in 1929 they reconciled in Paris.
* Now the only problem is to destroy these lines also through mutual opposition. ..[note under his letter]: I think that the destructive element is too much neglected in art.
** Quote in his letter to [[w:James Johnson Sweeney|Sweeney]], 24 May 1943; as cited in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 240
* Only now [1943] I become conscious that my work in black, white and little color planes has been merely 'drawing' in oil color. In drawing, the lines are the principal means of expressions.. .In painting, however, the lines are absorbed by the color planes; but the limitations of the planes show themselves as lines and conserve their great value.
** note from his postcard, late May 1943; as quoted in ''Mondrian, - The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 240
* That is what we are against [the ancient-Greek ideas about art], because that is the key to the classic and tragic finality from which we must free ourselves.
** Quote of Mondrian c. 1944, in 'Mondrian in New York: a Memoir', by [[w:Carl Holty|Carl Holty]]; 'Arts', Sept. 1957, p. 11; as cited in [https://static1.squarespace.com/static/53b9abe9e4b0366641161844/t/577168f69de4bb1f780e3724/1467050265255/The+Aesthetics+of+Piet+Modrian+by+Arthur+Chandler.pdf 'The Aesthetics of Piet Mondrian, by Arthur Chandler]; California State University, San Francisco; MSS Information Corporation, New York, 1972
==== 'A New Realism', 1943-1945 ====
:<small>'''Quotes from: Mondrian's essay 'A New Realism', written in 1943-44; published in the 1946 [[w:American Abstract Artists|'American Abstract Artists]] (AAA) Yearbook', paged!; as cited in [https://static1.squarespace.com/static/53b9abe9e4b0366641161844/t/577168f69de4bb1f780e3724/1467050265255/The+Aesthetics+of+Piet+Modrian+by+Arthur+Chandler.pdf 'The Aesthetics of Piet Mondrian, by Arthur Chandler]; California State University, San Francisco; MSS Information Corporation, New York, 1972'''</small>
* Only through intuition does a work rise above more or less subjective expression. Different periods produce different feelings and conceptions, and in each period men differ. Consequently different art expressions even in a single period are not only logical but a tribute to the general development of art. Intuition always finds the way of progress, which is continuous growth toward a clearer establishment of the content of art: the unification of man with the universe.
** 'A New Realism', p. 17
* Instinct reveals itself as self-concentrating, self-edifying it is limitation. Intuition produces self-denial, self-destruction； it is expansion. Culture can develop both. If it develops instinct, animal nature appears. Then culture destroys the intuitive capacity which men have even found in a primitive state.
** p. 17
* Human culture reveals an opposition: diminution of the instinctive faculties and development of the intuitive capacity. A cultivation of instinctive faculties produces human degeneration; a cultivation of intuitive capacities creates human progress.
** p. 17
* Environment, education, experience, make men conscious of passing reality but overwhelm their intuitive capacity when this is not very strong.
** p. 17
* Culture produces relative consciousness of the changeable expression of reality. When this consciousness is attained, a revolt takes place: the beginning of the deliverance from that expression of reality. Destruction of its limitation follows. The culture of the intuitive faculties has conquered. A clearer perception of constant reality is possible. A new realism appears.
** p. 18
* ..reality reveals itself by substantial, palpable forms, accumulated or dispersed in empty space.. ..these forms are part of that space and.. ..the space between them appears as form, a fact which evidences the unity of form and space.
** p. 18
* ..the elements of form have a particular aspect; every fragment, every plane, every line has its proper character.
** p. 18
== Quotes about Piet Mondrian ==
:<small>'''chronologically ordered, after date of the quotes about Piet Mondrian'''</small>
=== 1910 - 1930 ===
* ..the highly abstract cubism of Mondrian - a Dutchman - (it is well-known that cubism has made its entrance into the [Stedelijk Museum of Amsterdam...) though a product of [[Cubism|cubism]], Mondrian in no way imitates this style. He seems above all to have undergone the influence of [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]], but his personality has been remained intact. His trees and his female portrait display a sensitive cerebral quality. This kind of cubism clearly follows a different path from that of [[Georges Braque|Braque]] and Picasso, artists whose 'recherche de matière' [research of the material as matter, what Mondrian deliberately ignores]] is presently arousing such interest.
** Quote of [[w:Guillaume Appolinaire|Guillaume Appolinaire]], in his chronicle of the exhibition of the 'Salon des Indépendants', Paris c. 1913-14; as cited in ''Mondrian, -The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, pp. 19-20
* The problem which Piet Mondrian undertook to solve in nr. 116 [a new painting of Mondrian, exhibited then in a group-exhibition in the Stedelijk Museum in 1915, Amsterdam] was handled very successfully. This work spiritually dominates all others. It gives the impression of Repose; the repose of the soul. Its pre-determined structure embodies 'becoming' rather than 'being'. This represents a true element in art, for art is not 'being', but 'becoming'. The idea of 'becoming' has been expressed in black and white.. ..Through years of hard work my own experiences have led me, before I came to know the theories of [[w:Jakob von Uexküll|Uexkuell]] or [[Pablo Picasso|Picasso]], to prefer the use of the white-black-grey palette in works of a purely spiritual content..
** Quote of [[Theo van Doesburg]] (1915), in the Dutch art-magazine: 'Eenheid' (Dutch for: Unity) no. 283, 6 November 1915; as cited in ''Theo van Doesburg'', Joost Baljeu, Studio Vista, London 1974, p. 105
* Piet Mondrian realizes the importance of line. The line has almost become a work of art in itself; one can not play with it when the representation of objects perceived was all-important. The white canvas is almost solemn. Each superfluous line, each wrongly placed line, any color placed without veneration or care, can spoil everything – that is, the spiritual.
** Quote of [[Theo van Doesburg]] (1915), in the Dutch art-magazine: 'Eenheid' no. 283, 6 November 1915; as cited in ''Theo van Doesburg'', Joost Baljeu, Studio Vista, London 1974, pp. 105-106
* Perhaps it was his return to Paris [In June 1919 Piet Mondrian returned from The Netherlands to Paris] that was needed to provide him with fresh new possibilities in his work. Invigoration. His most recent work is without composition. The division of the picture plane is modular. That means ordinary rectangles, all the same size. The only contrast is in the colour. In my view, this runs counter to his theory concerning the abolition of position and dimension. This is in effect equality of position and dimension.
** Quote of [[Theo van Doesburg]] (1919), from his letter to the Dutch modern architect [[w:Jacobus Oud|Oud]], 24 June 1919; as cited in ''Mondrian, -The Art of Destruction'', Carel Blotkamp, Reaktion Books LTD. London 2001, p. 126
=== 1931 - 1960 ===
* Mondrian has made his studio opposite so very beautiful, and his company was always inspiring, as it had been in Paris when we used to visit him. After a while he really seemed to our domestic scene. His studio and Ben's [the sculptor [[w:Ben Nicholson|Ben Nicholson]]; [[Barbara Hepworth|Barbara]] was his wife then] were most austere, but my studio was a jumble of children, rocks, sculptures, trees, importunate flowers and washing.
** Quote of [[Barbara Hepworth]], in ''A Pictorial Autobiography'', Bath, 1971, p. 283
* What greater challenge today.. ..to disorder and insensitivity; what greater propaganda for integration than this emotionally intense, dramatic division of space?''' [quote in 1943, discussing the art of Piet Mondrian]
** Quote of [[Ad Reinhardt]] (1943), in ''Abstract Expressionism'', Davind Anfam, Thames and Hudson Ltd London, 1990, p. ?
* It is the greatest injustice done to Piet Mondrian that people who are plastically blind see only decorative design instead of the plastic perfection which characterizes his work. The whole [[De Stijl]] group from which Mondrian's art was derived must be considered a protest against such blindness.
** Quote of [[Hans Hofmann]] (1948), in ''Search for the Real in the Visual Arts'', p. 47
* [[w:David Tudor|David Tudor]] and I went to Hilversum in Holland to make a recording for the Dutch radio. We arrived at the studio early and there was some delay. To pass the time, we chatted with the engineer who was to work with us. He asked me what kind of music he was about to record. Since he was a Dutchman I said, 'It may remind you of the work of Mondrian.' When the session was finished and the three of us were leaving the studio, I asked the engineer what he thought of the music we had played. He said, 'It reminded me of the work of Mondrian.'
** Quote of [[John Cage]], in 'Lecture on Nothing', (c. 1949), as cited in ''Silence: lectures and writings by Cage, John'', Publisher Middletown, Conn. Wesleyan University Press, June 1961, p. 127
** this lecture had been prepared some years earlier, but was not printed until 1959, when it appeared in 'It Is', ed. Philip Pavia
* I like [El] [[w:El Lissitsky|Lissitzky]], Rodchenko, Tatlin and Gabo [all [[w:Constructivism|Russian Constructivist]] artists]; and I admire some of [[Kandinsky]]'s paintings very much. But [Piet] Mondrian, that great merciless artist, is the only one who had nothing left over.
** Quote of [[Willem de Kooning]] (1951), in his speech 'What Abstract Art means to me' on the symposium 'What is Abstract Art' - at the Museum of Modern Art, New York, 5 February, 1951, n.p.
* My entrance into the field of abstract art came about as the result of a visit to the studio of Piet Mondrian in Paris in 1930. I was particularly impressed by some rectangles of color he had tacked on his wall in a pattern after his nature. I told him I would like to make them oscillate he objected. I went home and tried to paint abstractly - but in two weeks I was back again among plastic materials. I think that at that time and practically ever since, the underlying sense of form in my work has been the system of the Universe, or part thereof. For that is a rather large model to work from.
** Quote of [[Alexander Calder]] (c. 1950), as cited in ''What Abstract Art Means to Me'', George L. K. Morris, Willem De Kooning, Alexander Calder, Fritz Glarner, Robert Motherwell, Stuart Davis; in 'The Bulletin of the Museum of Modern Art', Vol. 18, No. 3, (Spring, 1951), pp. 2-15
* It [Mondrian's studio in Paris, c. 1930] was a very exciting room. Light came in from the left and from the right, and on the solid wall between the windows there were experimental stunts with colored rectangles of cardboard tacked on. Even the victrola, which had been some muddy color, was painted red. I suggested to Mondrian that perhaps it would be fun to make these rectangles oscillate. And he, with a very serious countenance, said: 'No, it is not necessary, my painting is already very fast.' This visit gave me a shock.. .This one visit gave me a shock that started things.
** Quote of [[Alexander Calder]], 1950's - about Mondrian's studio; as cited in ''Calder: An Autobiography with Pictures'', A. Calder; Pantheon Books, New York: 1966, p. 113
* No, the artists are in a state of belated Age of Reason. They want to get hold of things, like Mondrian. He was a fantastic artist, but now when we read his ideas and his idea of Neo-Plasticism [= [[De Stijl]] ] – pure plasticity – it's kind of silly, I think. I mean, not for him, but I think one could spend one’s life having this desire to be in and outside at the same time. He could see a future life and a future city – not like me, who am absolutely not interested in seeing the future city. I'm perfectly happy to be alive now.
** Quote of [[Willem de Kooning]] (March 1960), in an interview with [[w:David Sylvester|David Sylvester]], edited for broadcasting by the BBC first published in 'Location', Spring 1963; as cited in ''Interviews with American Artists'', by David Sylvester; Chatto & Windus, London 2001, p. 49
* Well, Mondrian is absolute, and is pure, and those are real aspirations of our [American [[Abstract Expressionism]] art]. When I say 'pure', I don't mean 'clean' . I don't think Mondrian himself did; I knew him when he was here [New York] during the war. He went to an exhibition by the [[Surrealism|Surrealist]], Tanguy, and was asked what he thought, and he said he would like [[w:Yves Tanguy|Tanguy]]'s pictures better if they were dirtier, that for him they were to clean.. .I think he meant that when they were to 'clean', they were essentially lifeless, statuesque, unrevised. As for me, I must say, Mondrian's painting is intensely rhythmic, warm, passionate - restricted as the means ostensibly seem to me.
** Quote of [[Robert Motherwell]] (1960), in an interview with [[w:David Sylvester|David Sylvester]], edited for broadcasting by the BBC first published in 'Metro', 1962; as cited in Interviews with American Artists, by David Sylvester; Chatto & Windus, London 2001, p. 81
* It was this apparent paradox, by which the so-called [[Abstract Expressionism|Abstract Expressionists]].. ..are really far more sympathetic to wards Mondrian than towards [[Wassily Kandinsky|Kandinsky]]. The Mondrian thing seems paradoxical only in relation to the Mondrian that people interpreted in the [19]thirties as a rather cold and static artist. Maybe it is only more recently that we have realized about the blinking that takes place at the intersection of the lines, of shuttling back and forth and so on, that Mondrian becomes in some ways a more dynamic artist than [[Kandinsky]].
** Quote of [[w:David Sylvester|David Sylvester]] (March 1960), in his interview with [[Robert Motherwell]], edited for broadcasting by the BBC first published in 'Metro', 1962; as cited in ''Interviews with American Artists'', by David Sylvester; Chatto & Windus, London 2001, p. 81
* [he] was a terrible dancer.. ..Virginia hated it and I hated it. We had to take turns dancing with him.
** Quote of Miriam Gabo, 1950's; as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2010/jun/25/artist-piet-mondrian-london-years 'Artist Piet Mondrian in London: the forgotten years'], Thomasine, Sweden; in 'The Guardian International' online
** In London Mondrian went shopping for painter's smocks with Miriam Gabo ([[w:Naum Gabo|Naum Gabo's wife]]) and danced with [[w:Peggy Guggenheim|Peggy Guggenheim]] and Virginia Pevsner ([[w:Antoine Pevsner|Antoine Pevsner's wife]]) in the London jazz clubs. Mondrian's love for jazz and dancing is well-known.
* But already in his early works, as in the still-life of 1893.. ..there is a tendency towards the static and well-balanced arrangement. He has a preference for painting in atmospheric conditions which tend to efface the individual forms and emphasize the general outline: Mondrian: 'I often sketched by moonlight - cows resting or standing immovable in flat Dutch meadows, or houses with dead, blank windows. I never painted these things romantically'.
** Quote of {{w|nl:H.L.C. Jaffé}}, in [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956, p. 39
* [Mondrian] stood very stiffly, with straight arms pressed close to his sides as though defending himself against some dangerous intrusion. [He was]..a Dutch puritan, akin to the stern [[w:Arnolfini Portrait|Arnolfini]].
** Quote of [[w:Margaret Gardiner|Margaret Gardiner]], 1960's: remembering Mondrian standing at a party, c. 1940; as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2010/jun/25/artist-piet-mondrian-london-years 'Artist Piet Mondrian in London: the forgotten years'], Thomasine, Sweden; in 'The Guardian International' online
* I have seen him [Mondrian] dancing with some lively girl to the current rhythms of the day (especially jazz), which made such a strong appeal to him. Although he always followed the beat of the music, he seems to interpolate a rhythm of his own. He was away in a dream, yet remained prim and precise and always kept exact time, although creating the impression of an artistic, indeed almost abstract, dancing figure. It could not have been much fun for the girl to drift across the dance floor in a kind of trance in the midst of all the normal pleasure-seeking throng. He himself was aware of this and later compensated the girl – most generously, considering his slender means – for giving up her time to him. 'Perhaps she was expecting something else', he would then say with that worldly wise, yet good-natured air of his.
** Quote of [[w:Jacobus Oud|J. J. P. Oud]], c. 1960; as cited in ''Mondrian's Philosophy of Visual Rhythm: Phenomenology, Wittgenstein, and Eastern thought'', Eiichi Tosaki; Springer, 2017, p. 136
=== 1961 and later ===
* Total abstraction was something intellectual to me. I didn't feel it; I could talk about Mondrian but it didn't occur to me to do it.
** Quote of [[Helen Frankenthaler]] (1965), in an 'Interview with Helen Frankenthaler', Henry Geldzahler; ''Artforum' 4. no. 2, October 1965, p. 36
* I remember that in arguing with Piet Mondrian (in Paris, 1920's), he opposed art to nature saying that art is artificial and nature is natural. I do not share this opinion. I do not think that nature is in natural opposition to art. Art's origins are natural.
** Quote of [[Jean Arp]] (1966), in ''Jours effeuillés: Poèmes, essaies, souvenirs'', Gallimard, Paris 1966, p. 359
* Mondrian? His mind was too subtle. He worked in the light. I work in the darkness.. .Mondrian is the Buddha of painting. I saw him once. You wondered how a man could radiate such charisma.
** Quote of [[w:Bram van Velde|Bram van Velde]] (April 1968), in ''Conversations with Samuel Beckett and Bram van Velde'', ed. Charles Juliet, First Dalkey Archive edition, 2009, London and Champaign, p. 62
* Perhaps he [Mondrian] was too faithful to a single discovery. And perhaps that kind of painting was right for the period. But now peace and harmony are no longer possible. There is only anguish.
*** Quote of [[w:Bram van Velde|Bram van Velde]] (July 1970), in ''Conversations with Samuel Beckett and Bram van Velde'', ed. Charles Juliet, First Dalkey Archive edition, 2009, London and Champaign, p. 77
* Mondrian.. .The [[Constructivism (art)|constructivists]]?.. .They had certainties. They wanted a stable basis to work on, but I'm afraid that that was enormous arrogance on their part. Nothing is stable and no certainties are possible.
** Quote of [[Bram van Velde]] (August. 1972), in ''Conversations with Samuel Beckett and Bram van Velde'', ed. Charles Juliet, First Dalkey Archive edition, 2009, London and Champaign, p. 90
* Before you start to think about Mondrian's paintings, you have to realise that he was born, in 1872, by candlelight in Amersfoort {The Netherlands], a backward, economically undeveloped town in Utrecht. And he died, aged 71, beneath fluorescent lights, on the 36th floor of a skyscraper in New York. That's an enormous leap, from the 19th into the 20th Century – and I think it's very telling for the artist.
** Quote of Mondrian's recent biographer Hans Janssen, of the Gemeentemuseum in The Hague; as cited by Alastair Sooke, in 'Mondrian - the Joy of Being Square'; [http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20170710-mondrian-the-joy-of-being-square BBC culture, 10 July 2017]
* Mondrian is often portrayed as a rational, ascetic man, a monk who shut himself away in his studio to work on his paintings in peace and quiet. But if you look at the historical facts, you have to conclude that the opposite is in fact true. Mondrian flourished as an artist in Paris, became famous in New York and spent his time in the company of bohemian artists, and spent his money on nightlife and women.
** Quote of Hans Janssen, (writer of a biography of Mondrian: ''Piet Mondriaan. Een nieuwe kunst voor een ongekend leven / Piet Mondrian. A New Art for a Life Unknown'', Hollands Diep, Netherlands, 2017); as cited on [https://www.gemeentemuseum.nl/en/museum/news/new-biography-piet-mondrian the website of Gemeentemuseum, Den Haag]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons category|Piet Mondrian}}
* [https://rkd.nl/en/explore/library/142074 facts about 'An interview with Mondrian', by James Sweeney, 1948]
* many sourced quotes of Mondrian in: [http://www.dbnl.org/tekst/jaff001stij01_01/jaff001stij01_01.pdf ''De Stijl 1917-1931 - The Dutch Contribution to Modern Art'', by H.L.C. Jaffé]; J.M. Meulenhoff, Amsterdam 1956
{{DEFAULTSORT:Mondrian, Piet}}
[[Category:Painters from the Netherlands]]
[[Category:1872 births]]
[[Category:1944 deaths]]
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Benjamin Peirce
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[[File:Benjamin Peirce 1857.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mathematics]] is the science which draws [[necessary]] conclusions.]]
'''[[w:Benjamin Peirce|Benjamin Peirce]]''' ([[4 April]] [[1809]] – [[6 October]] [[1880]]) was an American mathematician who taught at Harvard University for forty years. He made contributions to celestial mechanics, number theory, algebra, and the philosophy of mathematics. He was the father of [[Charles Sanders Peirce]].
== Quotes ==
[[File:Benjamin Peirce theb3554.jpg|thumb|What is man? … a strange [[Unity|union]] of matter and [[mind]]! A machine for converting material into [[spiritual]] [[force]].]]
[[File:ExpIPi.gif|thumb|Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the [[truth]].]]
* What is man? … What a strange union of matter and mind! '''A machine for converting material into spiritual force.'''
** As quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* [[Ideal|Ideality]] is preëminently the foundation of [[Mathematics]].
** As quoted by Arnold B. Chace, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; '''we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the truth.'''
** On [[Leonhard Euler|Euler's]] [[w:Euler's identity|identity]], <math>e^{i \pi} + 1 = 0. \,\!</math> as quoted in notes by W. E. Byerly, published in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald; also in ''Mathematics and the Imagination'' (1940) by Edward Kasner and James Newman.
=== Ben Yamen's Song of Geometry (1853) ===
:<small>Address at the end of his presidency of the American Association for the Advancement of Science</small>
[[File:0 Chambre de Raphaël - École d'Athènes - Musées du Vatican.JPG|thumb|There is [[proof]] enough furnished by every [[science]], but by none more than [[geometry]], that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our [[minds]], and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.]]
* '''[[Geometry]], to which I have devoted my life, is honoured with the title of the Key of Sciences'''; but it is the Key of an ever open door which refuses to be shut, and through which the whole world is crowding, to make free, in unrestrained license, with the precious treasures within, thoughtless both of lock and key, of the door itself, and even of Science, to which it owes such boundless possessions, the New World included. '''The door is wide open and all may enter, but all do not enter with equal thoughtlessness.''' There are a few who [[wonder]], as they approach, at the exhaustless wealth, as the sacred shepherd wondered at the burning bush of [[w:Mount Horeb|Horeb]], which was ever burning and never consumed. Casting their shoes from off their feet and the world's iron-shod doubts from their understanding, these children of the faithful take their first step upon the holy ground with reverential awe, and advance almost with timidity, fearful, as the signs of Deity break upon them, lest they be brought face to face with the Almighty.
* '''The Key! it is of wonderful construction, with its [[infinity]] of combination, and its unlimited capacity to fit every lock. … it is the great master-key which unlocks every door of knowledge and without which no discovery which deserves the name — which is law, and not isolated fact — has been or ever can be made.''' Fascinated by its symmetry the geometer may at times have been too exclusively engrossed with his science, forgetful of its applications; he may have exalted it into his idol and worshipped it; he may have degraded it into his toy ... when he should have been hard at work with it, using it for the benefit of mankind and the glory of his Creator.
* '''Ascend with me above the dust, above the cloud, to the realms of the higher geometry, where the heavens are never clouded'''; where there is no impure vapour, and no delusive or imperfect observation, where the new truths are already arisen, while they are yet dimly dawning on the world below; where the earth is a little planet; where the sun has dwindled to a star; where all the stars are lost in the Milky Way to which they belong; where the Milky Way is seen floating through space like any other nebula; where the whole great girdle of nebulae has diminished to an atom and has become as readily and completely submissive to the pen of the geometer, and the slave of his formula, as the single drop, which falls from the clouds, instinct with all the forces of the material world.
* Descend from the infinite to the infinitesimal. Long before ... observation had begun to penetrate the veil under which Nature has hidden her mysteries, the restless mind sought some principle of power strong enough and of sufficient variety to collect and bind together all parts of a world. This seemed to be found, where one might least expect it, in abstract numbers. Everywhere the exactest numerical proportion was seen to constitute the spiritual element of the highest beauty.
* '''Throughout nature the omnipresent beautiful revealed an all-pervading language spoken to the human mind, and to man's highest capacity of comprehension.''' By whom was it spoken? Whether by the gods of the ocean, or the land, by the ruling divinities of the sun, moon, and stars, or by the dryads of the forest and the nymphs of the fountain, it was one speech and its written cipher was cabalistic. The [[w:Kabbalah|cabala]] were those of number, and even if they transcended the gemetricl skill of the Rabbi and the hieroglyphical learning of the priest of [[w:Osiris|Osiris]], they were, distinctly and unmistakably, expressions of thought uttered to mind by mind; they were the solutions of mathematical problems of extraordinary complexity.
* The very spirits of the winds, when they were sent to carry the grateful harvest to the thirsting fields of [[w:Calabria|Calabria]], did not forget the geometry which they had studied in the caverns of [[w:Aeolus|Æolus]] and of which the geologist is daily discovering the [[diagram]]s.
* '''There is proof enough furnished by every science, but by none more than geometry, that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our minds, and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.''' There can be no reasonable doubt that it was part of the Creator's plan. How easily might the whole order have been transposed! How readily might we have been assigned to some complicated system which our feeble and finite powers could not have unravelled!
=== On the Uses and Transformations of Linear Algebra (1875) ===
:<small>An address to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences (11 May 1875)</small>
[[File:Math.svg|thumb|[[Symbols]] are essential to comprehensive [[argument]].]]
<!--[[File:Quadratic formula.svg|thumb|When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to [[knowledge]]; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of [[thought]].]]-->
* '''Some definite interpretation of a linear algebra would, at first sight, appear indispensable to its successful application.''' But on the contrary, it is a singular fact, and one quite consonant with the principles of sound logic, that its first and general use is mostly to be expected from its want of significance. The interpretation is a trammel to the use. '''[[Symbols]] are essential to comprehensive [[argument]].'''
* The familiar proposition that all A is B, and all B is C, and therefore all A is C, is contracted in its domain by the substitution of significant words for the symbolic letters. The A, B, and C, are subject to no limitation for the purposes and validity of the proposition; they may represent not merely the actual, but also the ideal, the impossible as well as the possible. In Algebra, likewise, the letters are symbols which, passed through a machinery of argument in accordance with given laws, are developed into symbolic results under the name of formulas. '''When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to knowledge; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of thought.''' But the most noted instance is the symbol called the impossible or imaginary, known also as the square root of minus one, and which, from a shadow of meaning attached to it, may be more definitely distinguished as the symbol of semi-inversion. This symbol is restricted to a precise signification as the representative of perpendicularity in [[quaternion]]s, and this wonderful algebra of space is intimately dependent upon the special use of the symbol for its symmetry, elegance, and power.
* The strongest use of the symbol is to be found in its magical power of doubling the actual universe, and placing by its side an ideal universe, its exact counterpart, with which it can be compared and contrasted, and, by means of curiously connecting fibres, form with it an organic whole, from which modern analysis has developed her surpassing [[geometry]].
=== ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882) ===
:<small> [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich Full text online at The Internet Archive]</small>
[[File:BenjaminPeirce7.jpg|thumb|I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry.]]
[[File:Square1.jpg|thumb|right|The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong, and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics.]]
* I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry. Whether I shall have the satisfaction of taking part in their exposition, or whether that will remain for some more profound expositor, will be seen in the future.
** Preface.
* '''Mathematics is the science which draws necessary conclusions.'''
** § 1.
* '''The sphere of mathematics is here extended, in accordance with the derivation of its name, to all demonstrative research, so as to include all knowledge strictly capable of dogmatic teaching.''' Mathematics is not the discoverer of laws, for it is not induction; neither is it the framer of theories, for it is not hypothesis; but it is the judge over both, and it is the arbiter to which each must refer its claims ; and neither law can rule nor theory explain without the sanction of mathematics. It deduces from a law all its consequences, and develops them into the suitable form for comparison with observation, and thereby measures the strength of the argument from observation in favor of a proposed law or of a proposed form of application of a law. {{pb}} '''Mathematics, under this definition, belongs to every enquiry, moral as well as physical.''' Even the rules of logic, by which it is rigidly bound, could not be deduced without its aid. The laws of argument admit of simple statement, but they must be curiously transposed before they can be applied to the living speech and verified by, observation.
** § 1.
* '''The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong, and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics.''' In every form of material manifestation, there is a corresponding form of human thought, so that the human mind is as wide in its range of thought as the physical universe in which it thinks.
** § 2.
* '''All relations are either qualitative or quantitative.''' Qualitative relations can be considered by themselves without regard to quantity. The algebra of such enquiries may be called logical algebra, of which a fine example is given by [[George Boole|Boole]]. {{pb}} Quantitative relations may also be considered by themselves without regard to quality. They belong to [[arithmetic]], and the corresponding algebra is the common or arithmetical algebra. {{pb}} '''In all other algebras both relations must be combined, and the algebra must conform to the character of the relations.'''
** § 3.
* There are many cases of these algebras which may obviously be combined into natural classes, but the consideration of this portion of the subject will be reserved to subsequent researches.
** "Natural Classification", p. 119.
== Quotes about Peirce ==
[[File:Monasterio Khor Virap, Armenia, 2016-10-01, DD 25.jpg|thumb|Peirce stood alone — a [[mountain]] peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country. ~ [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]] ]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce4.jpg|thumb|Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the [[mountain]]. ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:Signature of Benjamin Peirce.png|thumb|His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce.jpg|thumb|right|Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. ~ [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]] ]]
* I always had the feeling that his attitude toward his loved science was that of a devoted worshipper, rather than a clear expounder. Although we could rarely follow him, we certainly sat up and took notice. … To him mathematics was not a humanly devised instrument of investigation, it was Philosophy itself, the divine revealer of [[Truth|TRUTH]].
** W. E. Byerly, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was one of the most stimulating men I have ever known.
** Arnold B. Chace, Chancellor of Brown University, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Peirce stood alone — a mountain peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country.
** [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]], in "The Story of Mathematics at Harvard" in ''The Harvard Alumni Bulletin'' (3 January 1924).
* Benjamin Peirce's lectures dealt, to be sure, with the higher mathematics, but also with theories of the universe and the infinities of nature, and with man's power to deal with infinities and infinitesimals alike. His University Lectures were many a time way over the heads of his audience, but his aspect, his manner, and his whole personality held and delighted them.
** [[w:Charles William Eliot|Charles William Eliot]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was such a great, big ray of Light and Goodness, always so simple, cheerful and showing more than amiability, that his great power did not seem to assert itself.
** Helen Huntington Peirce Ellis, his daughter, as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Of the great mathematician as an instructor several of his pupils who ventured on the higher planes of the science have written. These were youths who, though they could follow him but a few steps in that rarefied atmosphere, had the privilege of a glimpse now and then into shining [[infinities]] wherein this giant sped rejoicing on.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the mountain. … Like [[Pythagoras]], Peirce taught that everything owes its existence and consistency to the [[harmony]] which he considered the basis of all beauty, and found music in the revolving spheres.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." At Paris, the year after, at the great Exposition, Flagg stood before a mural tablet whereon were inscribed the names of the great mathematicians of the earth for more than two thousand years. [[Archimedes]] headed, Peirce closed the list; the only American.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, presenting the testimony of George A. Flagg, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* He gave us his "Curves and Functions", in the form of lectures; and sometimes, even while stating his propositions, he would be seized with some mathematical inspiration, would forget pupils, notes, everything, and would rapidly dash off equation after equation, following them out with smaller and smaller chalk-marks into the remote corners of the blackboard, forsaking his delightful task only when there was literally no more space to be covered, and coming back with a sigh to his actual students. There was a great fascination about these interruptions; we were present, as it seemed, at mathematics in the making; it was like peeping into a necromancer's cell, and seeing him at work; or as if our teacher were one of the old Arabian algebraists recalled to life.
** [[w:Thomas Wentworth Higginson|Thomas Wentworth Higginson]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. … As soon as he had finished the problem or filled the blackboard he would rub everything out and begin again. He was impatient of detail, and sometimes the result would not come out right; but instead of going over his work to find the error, he would rub it out, saying that he had made a mistake in a sign somewhere, and that we should find it when we went over our notes. Described in this way it may seem strange that such a method of teaching should be inspiring; yet to us it was so to the highest degree. We were carried along by the rush of his thought, by the ease and grasp of his intellectual movement. The inspiration came, I think, partly from his treating us as highly competent pupils, capable of following his line of thought even through errors in transformations; partly from his rapid and graceful methods of proof, which reached a result with the least number of steps in the process, attaining thereby an artistic or literary character; and partly from the quality of his mind which tended to regard any mathematical theorem as a particular case of some more comprehensive one, so that we were led onward to constantly enlarging truths.
** [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Benjamin Peirce deserves recognition, not only as a founding father of American mathematics, but also as a founding father of modern abstract algebra.
** H. M. Pycior, in "Benjamin Peirce's 'Linear Associative Algebra'" in ''[[w:Isis (journal)|Isis]]'' Vol. 70, 254 (1979), p. 537-551.
* It is not given to us — it is given to but few men of any generation — to roam those Alpine solitudes of science to which his [[genius]] reached.
** Robert Rantoul<!-- perhaps "Robert Rantoul III", NOT Robert Rantoul, Jr. --> in a eulogy quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* When this wizard stepped down from his post, crossed his moat, and opened his garden gate, nothing could be more attractive than the vistas and plantations he opened to our view. … Few men could suggest more while saying so little, or stimulate so much while communicating next to nothing that was tangible and comprehensible. The young man that would learn the true meaning of ''apprehension'' as distinct from ''comprehension'', should have heard the professor lecture.
** [[w:Franklin Benjamin Sanborn|Franklin Benjamin Sanborn]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.nndb.com/people/729/000165234/ Profile at NNDB]
* [http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Biographies/Peirce_Benjamin.html Profile at University of St. Andrews]
* [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/peirce-benjamin/ Profile at Stanford University]
* [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882)]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Peirce, Benjamin}}
[[Category:Mathematicians from the United States]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Scientists from Massachusetts]]
[[Category:1880 deaths]]
[[Category:1809 births]]
[[Category:Harvard University faculty]]
[[Category:Harvard University alumni]]
[[Category:Astronomers from the United States]]
[[Category:Statisticians]]
ocx7kn3v5ehlcx195qgldjv61enfwe1
3935252
3935251
2026-05-01T04:24:13Z
Ficaia
3085955
/* Linear Associative Algebra (1882) */
3935252
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[File:Benjamin Peirce 1857.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mathematics]] is the science which draws [[necessary]] conclusions.]]
'''[[w:Benjamin Peirce|Benjamin Peirce]]''' ([[4 April]] [[1809]] – [[6 October]] [[1880]]) was an American mathematician who taught at Harvard University for forty years. He made contributions to celestial mechanics, number theory, algebra, and the philosophy of mathematics. He was the father of [[Charles Sanders Peirce]].
== Quotes ==
[[File:Benjamin Peirce theb3554.jpg|thumb|What is man? … a strange [[Unity|union]] of matter and [[mind]]! A machine for converting material into [[spiritual]] [[force]].]]
[[File:ExpIPi.gif|thumb|Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the [[truth]].]]
* What is man? … What a strange union of matter and mind! '''A machine for converting material into spiritual force.'''
** As quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* [[Ideal|Ideality]] is preëminently the foundation of [[Mathematics]].
** As quoted by Arnold B. Chace, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; '''we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the truth.'''
** On [[Leonhard Euler|Euler's]] [[w:Euler's identity|identity]], <math>e^{i \pi} + 1 = 0. \,\!</math> as quoted in notes by W. E. Byerly, published in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald; also in ''Mathematics and the Imagination'' (1940) by Edward Kasner and James Newman.
=== Ben Yamen's Song of Geometry (1853) ===
:<small>Address at the end of his presidency of the American Association for the Advancement of Science</small>
[[File:0 Chambre de Raphaël - École d'Athènes - Musées du Vatican.JPG|thumb|There is [[proof]] enough furnished by every [[science]], but by none more than [[geometry]], that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our [[minds]], and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.]]
* '''[[Geometry]], to which I have devoted my life, is honoured with the title of the Key of Sciences'''; but it is the Key of an ever open door which refuses to be shut, and through which the whole world is crowding, to make free, in unrestrained license, with the precious treasures within, thoughtless both of lock and key, of the door itself, and even of Science, to which it owes such boundless possessions, the New World included. '''The door is wide open and all may enter, but all do not enter with equal thoughtlessness.''' There are a few who [[wonder]], as they approach, at the exhaustless wealth, as the sacred shepherd wondered at the burning bush of [[w:Mount Horeb|Horeb]], which was ever burning and never consumed. Casting their shoes from off their feet and the world's iron-shod doubts from their understanding, these children of the faithful take their first step upon the holy ground with reverential awe, and advance almost with timidity, fearful, as the signs of Deity break upon them, lest they be brought face to face with the Almighty.
* '''The Key! it is of wonderful construction, with its [[infinity]] of combination, and its unlimited capacity to fit every lock. … it is the great master-key which unlocks every door of knowledge and without which no discovery which deserves the name — which is law, and not isolated fact — has been or ever can be made.''' Fascinated by its symmetry the geometer may at times have been too exclusively engrossed with his science, forgetful of its applications; he may have exalted it into his idol and worshipped it; he may have degraded it into his toy ... when he should have been hard at work with it, using it for the benefit of mankind and the glory of his Creator.
* '''Ascend with me above the dust, above the cloud, to the realms of the higher geometry, where the heavens are never clouded'''; where there is no impure vapour, and no delusive or imperfect observation, where the new truths are already arisen, while they are yet dimly dawning on the world below; where the earth is a little planet; where the sun has dwindled to a star; where all the stars are lost in the Milky Way to which they belong; where the Milky Way is seen floating through space like any other nebula; where the whole great girdle of nebulae has diminished to an atom and has become as readily and completely submissive to the pen of the geometer, and the slave of his formula, as the single drop, which falls from the clouds, instinct with all the forces of the material world.
* Descend from the infinite to the infinitesimal. Long before ... observation had begun to penetrate the veil under which Nature has hidden her mysteries, the restless mind sought some principle of power strong enough and of sufficient variety to collect and bind together all parts of a world. This seemed to be found, where one might least expect it, in abstract numbers. Everywhere the exactest numerical proportion was seen to constitute the spiritual element of the highest beauty.
* '''Throughout nature the omnipresent beautiful revealed an all-pervading language spoken to the human mind, and to man's highest capacity of comprehension.''' By whom was it spoken? Whether by the gods of the ocean, or the land, by the ruling divinities of the sun, moon, and stars, or by the dryads of the forest and the nymphs of the fountain, it was one speech and its written cipher was cabalistic. The [[w:Kabbalah|cabala]] were those of number, and even if they transcended the gemetricl skill of the Rabbi and the hieroglyphical learning of the priest of [[w:Osiris|Osiris]], they were, distinctly and unmistakably, expressions of thought uttered to mind by mind; they were the solutions of mathematical problems of extraordinary complexity.
* The very spirits of the winds, when they were sent to carry the grateful harvest to the thirsting fields of [[w:Calabria|Calabria]], did not forget the geometry which they had studied in the caverns of [[w:Aeolus|Æolus]] and of which the geologist is daily discovering the [[diagram]]s.
* '''There is proof enough furnished by every science, but by none more than geometry, that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our minds, and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.''' There can be no reasonable doubt that it was part of the Creator's plan. How easily might the whole order have been transposed! How readily might we have been assigned to some complicated system which our feeble and finite powers could not have unravelled!
=== On the Uses and Transformations of Linear Algebra (1875) ===
:<small>An address to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences (11 May 1875)</small>
[[File:Math.svg|thumb|[[Symbols]] are essential to comprehensive [[argument]].]]
<!--[[File:Quadratic formula.svg|thumb|When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to [[knowledge]]; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of [[thought]].]]-->
* '''Some definite interpretation of a linear algebra would, at first sight, appear indispensable to its successful application.''' But on the contrary, it is a singular fact, and one quite consonant with the principles of sound logic, that its first and general use is mostly to be expected from its want of significance. The interpretation is a trammel to the use. '''[[Symbols]] are essential to comprehensive [[argument]].'''
* The familiar proposition that all A is B, and all B is C, and therefore all A is C, is contracted in its domain by the substitution of significant words for the symbolic letters. The A, B, and C, are subject to no limitation for the purposes and validity of the proposition; they may represent not merely the actual, but also the ideal, the impossible as well as the possible. In Algebra, likewise, the letters are symbols which, passed through a machinery of argument in accordance with given laws, are developed into symbolic results under the name of formulas. '''When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to knowledge; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of thought.''' But the most noted instance is the symbol called the impossible or imaginary, known also as the square root of minus one, and which, from a shadow of meaning attached to it, may be more definitely distinguished as the symbol of semi-inversion. This symbol is restricted to a precise signification as the representative of perpendicularity in [[quaternion]]s, and this wonderful algebra of space is intimately dependent upon the special use of the symbol for its symmetry, elegance, and power.
* The strongest use of the symbol is to be found in its magical power of doubling the actual universe, and placing by its side an ideal universe, its exact counterpart, with which it can be compared and contrasted, and, by means of curiously connecting fibres, form with it an organic whole, from which modern analysis has developed her surpassing [[geometry]].
=== ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882) ===
:<small> [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich Full text online at The Internet Archive]</small>
[[File:BenjaminPeirce7.jpg|thumb|I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry.]]
[[File:Square1.jpg|thumb|right|The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong, and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics.]]
* I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry. Whether I shall have the satisfaction of taking part in their exposition, or whether that will remain for some more profound expositor, will be seen in the future.
** Preface.
* Mathematics is the science which draws necessary conclusions.
** § 1.
* The sphere of mathematics is here extended, in accordance with the derivation of its name, to all demonstrative research, so as to include all knowledge strictly capable of dogmatic teaching. Mathematics is not the discoverer of laws, for it is not induction; neither is it the framer of theories, for it is not hypothesis; but it is the judge over both, and it is the arbiter to which each must refer its claims ; and neither law can rule nor theory explain without the sanction of mathematics. It deduces from a law all its consequences, and develops them into the suitable form for comparison with observation, and thereby measures the strength of the argument from observation in favor of a proposed law or of a proposed form of application of a law. {{pb}} '''Mathematics, under this definition, belongs to every enquiry, moral as well as physical.''' Even the rules of logic, by which it is rigidly bound, could not be deduced without its aid. The laws of argument admit of simple statement, but they must be curiously transposed before they can be applied to the living speech and verified by, observation.
** § 1.
* '''The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong''', and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics. In every form of material manifestation, there is a corresponding form of human thought, so that the human mind is as wide in its range of thought as the physical universe in which it thinks.
** § 2.
* '''All relations are either qualitative or quantitative.''' Qualitative relations can be considered by themselves without regard to quantity. The algebra of such enquiries may be called logical algebra, of which a fine example is given by [[George Boole|Boole]]. {{pb}} Quantitative relations may also be considered by themselves without regard to quality. They belong to [[arithmetic]], and the corresponding algebra is the common or arithmetical algebra. {{pb}} In all other algebras both relations must be combined, and the algebra must conform to the character of the relations.
** § 3.
* There are many cases of these algebras which may obviously be combined into natural classes, but the consideration of this portion of the subject will be reserved to subsequent researches.
** "Natural Classification", p. 119.
== Quotes about Peirce ==
[[File:Monasterio Khor Virap, Armenia, 2016-10-01, DD 25.jpg|thumb|Peirce stood alone — a [[mountain]] peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country. ~ [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]] ]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce4.jpg|thumb|Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the [[mountain]]. ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:Signature of Benjamin Peirce.png|thumb|His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce.jpg|thumb|right|Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. ~ [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]] ]]
* I always had the feeling that his attitude toward his loved science was that of a devoted worshipper, rather than a clear expounder. Although we could rarely follow him, we certainly sat up and took notice. … To him mathematics was not a humanly devised instrument of investigation, it was Philosophy itself, the divine revealer of [[Truth|TRUTH]].
** W. E. Byerly, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was one of the most stimulating men I have ever known.
** Arnold B. Chace, Chancellor of Brown University, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Peirce stood alone — a mountain peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country.
** [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]], in "The Story of Mathematics at Harvard" in ''The Harvard Alumni Bulletin'' (3 January 1924).
* Benjamin Peirce's lectures dealt, to be sure, with the higher mathematics, but also with theories of the universe and the infinities of nature, and with man's power to deal with infinities and infinitesimals alike. His University Lectures were many a time way over the heads of his audience, but his aspect, his manner, and his whole personality held and delighted them.
** [[w:Charles William Eliot|Charles William Eliot]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was such a great, big ray of Light and Goodness, always so simple, cheerful and showing more than amiability, that his great power did not seem to assert itself.
** Helen Huntington Peirce Ellis, his daughter, as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Of the great mathematician as an instructor several of his pupils who ventured on the higher planes of the science have written. These were youths who, though they could follow him but a few steps in that rarefied atmosphere, had the privilege of a glimpse now and then into shining [[infinities]] wherein this giant sped rejoicing on.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the mountain. … Like [[Pythagoras]], Peirce taught that everything owes its existence and consistency to the [[harmony]] which he considered the basis of all beauty, and found music in the revolving spheres.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." At Paris, the year after, at the great Exposition, Flagg stood before a mural tablet whereon were inscribed the names of the great mathematicians of the earth for more than two thousand years. [[Archimedes]] headed, Peirce closed the list; the only American.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, presenting the testimony of George A. Flagg, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* He gave us his "Curves and Functions", in the form of lectures; and sometimes, even while stating his propositions, he would be seized with some mathematical inspiration, would forget pupils, notes, everything, and would rapidly dash off equation after equation, following them out with smaller and smaller chalk-marks into the remote corners of the blackboard, forsaking his delightful task only when there was literally no more space to be covered, and coming back with a sigh to his actual students. There was a great fascination about these interruptions; we were present, as it seemed, at mathematics in the making; it was like peeping into a necromancer's cell, and seeing him at work; or as if our teacher were one of the old Arabian algebraists recalled to life.
** [[w:Thomas Wentworth Higginson|Thomas Wentworth Higginson]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. … As soon as he had finished the problem or filled the blackboard he would rub everything out and begin again. He was impatient of detail, and sometimes the result would not come out right; but instead of going over his work to find the error, he would rub it out, saying that he had made a mistake in a sign somewhere, and that we should find it when we went over our notes. Described in this way it may seem strange that such a method of teaching should be inspiring; yet to us it was so to the highest degree. We were carried along by the rush of his thought, by the ease and grasp of his intellectual movement. The inspiration came, I think, partly from his treating us as highly competent pupils, capable of following his line of thought even through errors in transformations; partly from his rapid and graceful methods of proof, which reached a result with the least number of steps in the process, attaining thereby an artistic or literary character; and partly from the quality of his mind which tended to regard any mathematical theorem as a particular case of some more comprehensive one, so that we were led onward to constantly enlarging truths.
** [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Benjamin Peirce deserves recognition, not only as a founding father of American mathematics, but also as a founding father of modern abstract algebra.
** H. M. Pycior, in "Benjamin Peirce's 'Linear Associative Algebra'" in ''[[w:Isis (journal)|Isis]]'' Vol. 70, 254 (1979), p. 537-551.
* It is not given to us — it is given to but few men of any generation — to roam those Alpine solitudes of science to which his [[genius]] reached.
** Robert Rantoul<!-- perhaps "Robert Rantoul III", NOT Robert Rantoul, Jr. --> in a eulogy quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* When this wizard stepped down from his post, crossed his moat, and opened his garden gate, nothing could be more attractive than the vistas and plantations he opened to our view. … Few men could suggest more while saying so little, or stimulate so much while communicating next to nothing that was tangible and comprehensible. The young man that would learn the true meaning of ''apprehension'' as distinct from ''comprehension'', should have heard the professor lecture.
** [[w:Franklin Benjamin Sanborn|Franklin Benjamin Sanborn]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.nndb.com/people/729/000165234/ Profile at NNDB]
* [http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Biographies/Peirce_Benjamin.html Profile at University of St. Andrews]
* [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/peirce-benjamin/ Profile at Stanford University]
* [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882)]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Peirce, Benjamin}}
[[Category:Mathematicians from the United States]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Scientists from Massachusetts]]
[[Category:1880 deaths]]
[[Category:1809 births]]
[[Category:Harvard University faculty]]
[[Category:Harvard University alumni]]
[[Category:Astronomers from the United States]]
[[Category:Statisticians]]
dqp73v302astizcr8gbhzsjogh0x2d4
3935253
3935252
2026-05-01T04:24:36Z
Ficaia
3085955
/* On the Uses and Transformations of Linear Algebra (1875) */
3935253
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[File:Benjamin Peirce 1857.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mathematics]] is the science which draws [[necessary]] conclusions.]]
'''[[w:Benjamin Peirce|Benjamin Peirce]]''' ([[4 April]] [[1809]] – [[6 October]] [[1880]]) was an American mathematician who taught at Harvard University for forty years. He made contributions to celestial mechanics, number theory, algebra, and the philosophy of mathematics. He was the father of [[Charles Sanders Peirce]].
== Quotes ==
[[File:Benjamin Peirce theb3554.jpg|thumb|What is man? … a strange [[Unity|union]] of matter and [[mind]]! A machine for converting material into [[spiritual]] [[force]].]]
[[File:ExpIPi.gif|thumb|Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the [[truth]].]]
* What is man? … What a strange union of matter and mind! '''A machine for converting material into spiritual force.'''
** As quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* [[Ideal|Ideality]] is preëminently the foundation of [[Mathematics]].
** As quoted by Arnold B. Chace, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; '''we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the truth.'''
** On [[Leonhard Euler|Euler's]] [[w:Euler's identity|identity]], <math>e^{i \pi} + 1 = 0. \,\!</math> as quoted in notes by W. E. Byerly, published in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald; also in ''Mathematics and the Imagination'' (1940) by Edward Kasner and James Newman.
=== Ben Yamen's Song of Geometry (1853) ===
:<small>Address at the end of his presidency of the American Association for the Advancement of Science</small>
[[File:0 Chambre de Raphaël - École d'Athènes - Musées du Vatican.JPG|thumb|There is [[proof]] enough furnished by every [[science]], but by none more than [[geometry]], that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our [[minds]], and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.]]
* '''[[Geometry]], to which I have devoted my life, is honoured with the title of the Key of Sciences'''; but it is the Key of an ever open door which refuses to be shut, and through which the whole world is crowding, to make free, in unrestrained license, with the precious treasures within, thoughtless both of lock and key, of the door itself, and even of Science, to which it owes such boundless possessions, the New World included. '''The door is wide open and all may enter, but all do not enter with equal thoughtlessness.''' There are a few who [[wonder]], as they approach, at the exhaustless wealth, as the sacred shepherd wondered at the burning bush of [[w:Mount Horeb|Horeb]], which was ever burning and never consumed. Casting their shoes from off their feet and the world's iron-shod doubts from their understanding, these children of the faithful take their first step upon the holy ground with reverential awe, and advance almost with timidity, fearful, as the signs of Deity break upon them, lest they be brought face to face with the Almighty.
* '''The Key! it is of wonderful construction, with its [[infinity]] of combination, and its unlimited capacity to fit every lock. … it is the great master-key which unlocks every door of knowledge and without which no discovery which deserves the name — which is law, and not isolated fact — has been or ever can be made.''' Fascinated by its symmetry the geometer may at times have been too exclusively engrossed with his science, forgetful of its applications; he may have exalted it into his idol and worshipped it; he may have degraded it into his toy ... when he should have been hard at work with it, using it for the benefit of mankind and the glory of his Creator.
* '''Ascend with me above the dust, above the cloud, to the realms of the higher geometry, where the heavens are never clouded'''; where there is no impure vapour, and no delusive or imperfect observation, where the new truths are already arisen, while they are yet dimly dawning on the world below; where the earth is a little planet; where the sun has dwindled to a star; where all the stars are lost in the Milky Way to which they belong; where the Milky Way is seen floating through space like any other nebula; where the whole great girdle of nebulae has diminished to an atom and has become as readily and completely submissive to the pen of the geometer, and the slave of his formula, as the single drop, which falls from the clouds, instinct with all the forces of the material world.
* Descend from the infinite to the infinitesimal. Long before ... observation had begun to penetrate the veil under which Nature has hidden her mysteries, the restless mind sought some principle of power strong enough and of sufficient variety to collect and bind together all parts of a world. This seemed to be found, where one might least expect it, in abstract numbers. Everywhere the exactest numerical proportion was seen to constitute the spiritual element of the highest beauty.
* '''Throughout nature the omnipresent beautiful revealed an all-pervading language spoken to the human mind, and to man's highest capacity of comprehension.''' By whom was it spoken? Whether by the gods of the ocean, or the land, by the ruling divinities of the sun, moon, and stars, or by the dryads of the forest and the nymphs of the fountain, it was one speech and its written cipher was cabalistic. The [[w:Kabbalah|cabala]] were those of number, and even if they transcended the gemetricl skill of the Rabbi and the hieroglyphical learning of the priest of [[w:Osiris|Osiris]], they were, distinctly and unmistakably, expressions of thought uttered to mind by mind; they were the solutions of mathematical problems of extraordinary complexity.
* The very spirits of the winds, when they were sent to carry the grateful harvest to the thirsting fields of [[w:Calabria|Calabria]], did not forget the geometry which they had studied in the caverns of [[w:Aeolus|Æolus]] and of which the geologist is daily discovering the [[diagram]]s.
* '''There is proof enough furnished by every science, but by none more than geometry, that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our minds, and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.''' There can be no reasonable doubt that it was part of the Creator's plan. How easily might the whole order have been transposed! How readily might we have been assigned to some complicated system which our feeble and finite powers could not have unravelled!
=== On the Uses and Transformations of Linear Algebra (1875) ===
:<small>An address to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences (11 May 1875)</small>
[[File:Math.svg|thumb|[[Symbols]] are essential to comprehensive [[argument]].]]
<!--[[File:Quadratic formula.svg|thumb|When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to [[knowledge]]; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of [[thought]].]]-->
* Some definite interpretation of a linear algebra would, at first sight, appear indispensable to its successful application. But on the contrary, it is a singular fact, and one quite consonant with the principles of sound logic, that its first and general use is mostly to be expected from its want of significance. The interpretation is a trammel to the use. '''Symbols are essential to comprehensive argument.'''
* The familiar proposition that all A is B, and all B is C, and therefore all A is C, is contracted in its domain by the substitution of significant words for the symbolic letters. The A, B, and C, are subject to no limitation for the purposes and validity of the proposition; they may represent not merely the actual, but also the ideal, the impossible as well as the possible. In Algebra, likewise, the letters are symbols which, passed through a machinery of argument in accordance with given laws, are developed into symbolic results under the name of formulas. '''When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to knowledge; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of thought.''' But the most noted instance is the symbol called the impossible or imaginary, known also as the square root of minus one, and which, from a shadow of meaning attached to it, may be more definitely distinguished as the symbol of semi-inversion. This symbol is restricted to a precise signification as the representative of perpendicularity in [[quaternion]]s, and this wonderful algebra of space is intimately dependent upon the special use of the symbol for its symmetry, elegance, and power.
* The strongest use of the symbol is to be found in its magical power of doubling the actual universe, and placing by its side an ideal universe, its exact counterpart, with which it can be compared and contrasted, and, by means of curiously connecting fibres, form with it an organic whole, from which modern analysis has developed her surpassing [[geometry]].
=== ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882) ===
:<small> [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich Full text online at The Internet Archive]</small>
[[File:BenjaminPeirce7.jpg|thumb|I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry.]]
[[File:Square1.jpg|thumb|right|The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong, and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics.]]
* I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry. Whether I shall have the satisfaction of taking part in their exposition, or whether that will remain for some more profound expositor, will be seen in the future.
** Preface.
* Mathematics is the science which draws necessary conclusions.
** § 1.
* The sphere of mathematics is here extended, in accordance with the derivation of its name, to all demonstrative research, so as to include all knowledge strictly capable of dogmatic teaching. Mathematics is not the discoverer of laws, for it is not induction; neither is it the framer of theories, for it is not hypothesis; but it is the judge over both, and it is the arbiter to which each must refer its claims ; and neither law can rule nor theory explain without the sanction of mathematics. It deduces from a law all its consequences, and develops them into the suitable form for comparison with observation, and thereby measures the strength of the argument from observation in favor of a proposed law or of a proposed form of application of a law. {{pb}} '''Mathematics, under this definition, belongs to every enquiry, moral as well as physical.''' Even the rules of logic, by which it is rigidly bound, could not be deduced without its aid. The laws of argument admit of simple statement, but they must be curiously transposed before they can be applied to the living speech and verified by, observation.
** § 1.
* '''The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong''', and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics. In every form of material manifestation, there is a corresponding form of human thought, so that the human mind is as wide in its range of thought as the physical universe in which it thinks.
** § 2.
* '''All relations are either qualitative or quantitative.''' Qualitative relations can be considered by themselves without regard to quantity. The algebra of such enquiries may be called logical algebra, of which a fine example is given by [[George Boole|Boole]]. {{pb}} Quantitative relations may also be considered by themselves without regard to quality. They belong to [[arithmetic]], and the corresponding algebra is the common or arithmetical algebra. {{pb}} In all other algebras both relations must be combined, and the algebra must conform to the character of the relations.
** § 3.
* There are many cases of these algebras which may obviously be combined into natural classes, but the consideration of this portion of the subject will be reserved to subsequent researches.
** "Natural Classification", p. 119.
== Quotes about Peirce ==
[[File:Monasterio Khor Virap, Armenia, 2016-10-01, DD 25.jpg|thumb|Peirce stood alone — a [[mountain]] peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country. ~ [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]] ]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce4.jpg|thumb|Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the [[mountain]]. ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:Signature of Benjamin Peirce.png|thumb|His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce.jpg|thumb|right|Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. ~ [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]] ]]
* I always had the feeling that his attitude toward his loved science was that of a devoted worshipper, rather than a clear expounder. Although we could rarely follow him, we certainly sat up and took notice. … To him mathematics was not a humanly devised instrument of investigation, it was Philosophy itself, the divine revealer of [[Truth|TRUTH]].
** W. E. Byerly, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was one of the most stimulating men I have ever known.
** Arnold B. Chace, Chancellor of Brown University, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Peirce stood alone — a mountain peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country.
** [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]], in "The Story of Mathematics at Harvard" in ''The Harvard Alumni Bulletin'' (3 January 1924).
* Benjamin Peirce's lectures dealt, to be sure, with the higher mathematics, but also with theories of the universe and the infinities of nature, and with man's power to deal with infinities and infinitesimals alike. His University Lectures were many a time way over the heads of his audience, but his aspect, his manner, and his whole personality held and delighted them.
** [[w:Charles William Eliot|Charles William Eliot]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was such a great, big ray of Light and Goodness, always so simple, cheerful and showing more than amiability, that his great power did not seem to assert itself.
** Helen Huntington Peirce Ellis, his daughter, as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Of the great mathematician as an instructor several of his pupils who ventured on the higher planes of the science have written. These were youths who, though they could follow him but a few steps in that rarefied atmosphere, had the privilege of a glimpse now and then into shining [[infinities]] wherein this giant sped rejoicing on.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the mountain. … Like [[Pythagoras]], Peirce taught that everything owes its existence and consistency to the [[harmony]] which he considered the basis of all beauty, and found music in the revolving spheres.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." At Paris, the year after, at the great Exposition, Flagg stood before a mural tablet whereon were inscribed the names of the great mathematicians of the earth for more than two thousand years. [[Archimedes]] headed, Peirce closed the list; the only American.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, presenting the testimony of George A. Flagg, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* He gave us his "Curves and Functions", in the form of lectures; and sometimes, even while stating his propositions, he would be seized with some mathematical inspiration, would forget pupils, notes, everything, and would rapidly dash off equation after equation, following them out with smaller and smaller chalk-marks into the remote corners of the blackboard, forsaking his delightful task only when there was literally no more space to be covered, and coming back with a sigh to his actual students. There was a great fascination about these interruptions; we were present, as it seemed, at mathematics in the making; it was like peeping into a necromancer's cell, and seeing him at work; or as if our teacher were one of the old Arabian algebraists recalled to life.
** [[w:Thomas Wentworth Higginson|Thomas Wentworth Higginson]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. … As soon as he had finished the problem or filled the blackboard he would rub everything out and begin again. He was impatient of detail, and sometimes the result would not come out right; but instead of going over his work to find the error, he would rub it out, saying that he had made a mistake in a sign somewhere, and that we should find it when we went over our notes. Described in this way it may seem strange that such a method of teaching should be inspiring; yet to us it was so to the highest degree. We were carried along by the rush of his thought, by the ease and grasp of his intellectual movement. The inspiration came, I think, partly from his treating us as highly competent pupils, capable of following his line of thought even through errors in transformations; partly from his rapid and graceful methods of proof, which reached a result with the least number of steps in the process, attaining thereby an artistic or literary character; and partly from the quality of his mind which tended to regard any mathematical theorem as a particular case of some more comprehensive one, so that we were led onward to constantly enlarging truths.
** [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880 : Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Benjamin Peirce deserves recognition, not only as a founding father of American mathematics, but also as a founding father of modern abstract algebra.
** H. M. Pycior, in "Benjamin Peirce's 'Linear Associative Algebra'" in ''[[w:Isis (journal)|Isis]]'' Vol. 70, 254 (1979), p. 537-551.
* It is not given to us — it is given to but few men of any generation — to roam those Alpine solitudes of science to which his [[genius]] reached.
** Robert Rantoul<!-- perhaps "Robert Rantoul III", NOT Robert Rantoul, Jr. --> in a eulogy quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* When this wizard stepped down from his post, crossed his moat, and opened his garden gate, nothing could be more attractive than the vistas and plantations he opened to our view. … Few men could suggest more while saying so little, or stimulate so much while communicating next to nothing that was tangible and comprehensible. The young man that would learn the true meaning of ''apprehension'' as distinct from ''comprehension'', should have heard the professor lecture.
** [[w:Franklin Benjamin Sanborn|Franklin Benjamin Sanborn]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.nndb.com/people/729/000165234/ Profile at NNDB]
* [http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Biographies/Peirce_Benjamin.html Profile at University of St. Andrews]
* [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/peirce-benjamin/ Profile at Stanford University]
* [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882)]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Peirce, Benjamin}}
[[Category:Mathematicians from the United States]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Scientists from Massachusetts]]
[[Category:1880 deaths]]
[[Category:1809 births]]
[[Category:Harvard University faculty]]
[[Category:Harvard University alumni]]
[[Category:Astronomers from the United States]]
[[Category:Statisticians]]
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[[File:Benjamin Peirce 1857.jpg|thumb|right|[[Mathematics]] is the science which draws [[necessary]] conclusions.]]
'''[[w:Benjamin Peirce|Benjamin Peirce]]''' ([[4 April]] [[1809]] – [[6 October]] [[1880]]) was an American mathematician who taught at Harvard University for forty years. He made contributions to celestial mechanics, number theory, algebra, and the philosophy of mathematics. He was the father of [[Charles Sanders Peirce]].
== Quotes ==
[[File:Benjamin Peirce theb3554.jpg|thumb|What is man? … a strange [[Unity|union]] of matter and [[mind]]! A machine for converting material into [[spiritual]] [[force]].]]
[[File:ExpIPi.gif|thumb|Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the [[truth]].]]
* What is man? … What a strange union of matter and mind! '''A machine for converting material into spiritual force.'''
** As quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* [[Ideal|Ideality]] is preëminently the foundation of [[Mathematics]].
** As quoted by Arnold B. Chace, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Gentlemen, that is surely true, it is absolutely [[paradoxical]]; '''we cannot understand it, and we don't know what it means. But we have proved it, and therefore we know it must be the truth.'''
** On [[Leonhard Euler|Euler's]] [[w:Euler's identity|identity]], <math>e^{i \pi} + 1 = 0. \,\!</math> as quoted in notes by W. E. Byerly, published in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald; also in ''Mathematics and the Imagination'' (1940) by Edward Kasner and James Newman.
=== Ben Yamen's Song of Geometry (1853) ===
:<small>Address at the end of his presidency of the American Association for the Advancement of Science</small>
[[File:0 Chambre de Raphaël - École d'Athènes - Musées du Vatican.JPG|thumb|There is [[proof]] enough furnished by every [[science]], but by none more than [[geometry]], that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our [[minds]], and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.]]
* '''[[Geometry]], to which I have devoted my life, is honoured with the title of the Key of Sciences'''; but it is the Key of an ever open door which refuses to be shut, and through which the whole world is crowding, to make free, in unrestrained license, with the precious treasures within, thoughtless both of lock and key, of the door itself, and even of Science, to which it owes such boundless possessions, the New World included. '''The door is wide open and all may enter, but all do not enter with equal thoughtlessness.''' There are a few who [[wonder]], as they approach, at the exhaustless wealth, as the sacred shepherd wondered at the burning bush of [[w:Mount Horeb|Horeb]], which was ever burning and never consumed. Casting their shoes from off their feet and the world's iron-shod doubts from their understanding, these children of the faithful take their first step upon the holy ground with reverential awe, and advance almost with timidity, fearful, as the signs of Deity break upon them, lest they be brought face to face with the Almighty.
* '''The Key! it is of wonderful construction, with its [[infinity]] of combination, and its unlimited capacity to fit every lock. … it is the great master-key which unlocks every door of knowledge and without which no discovery which deserves the name — which is law, and not isolated fact — has been or ever can be made.''' Fascinated by its symmetry the geometer may at times have been too exclusively engrossed with his science, forgetful of its applications; he may have exalted it into his idol and worshipped it; he may have degraded it into his toy ... when he should have been hard at work with it, using it for the benefit of mankind and the glory of his Creator.
* '''Ascend with me above the dust, above the cloud, to the realms of the higher geometry, where the heavens are never clouded'''; where there is no impure vapour, and no delusive or imperfect observation, where the new truths are already arisen, while they are yet dimly dawning on the world below; where the earth is a little planet; where the sun has dwindled to a star; where all the stars are lost in the Milky Way to which they belong; where the Milky Way is seen floating through space like any other nebula; where the whole great girdle of nebulae has diminished to an atom and has become as readily and completely submissive to the pen of the geometer, and the slave of his formula, as the single drop, which falls from the clouds, instinct with all the forces of the material world.
* Descend from the infinite to the infinitesimal. Long before ... observation had begun to penetrate the veil under which Nature has hidden her mysteries, the restless mind sought some principle of power strong enough and of sufficient variety to collect and bind together all parts of a world. This seemed to be found, where one might least expect it, in abstract numbers. Everywhere the exactest numerical proportion was seen to constitute the spiritual element of the highest beauty.
* '''Throughout nature the omnipresent beautiful revealed an all-pervading language spoken to the human mind, and to man's highest capacity of comprehension.''' By whom was it spoken? Whether by the gods of the ocean, or the land, by the ruling divinities of the sun, moon, and stars, or by the dryads of the forest and the nymphs of the fountain, it was one speech and its written cipher was cabalistic. The [[w:Kabbalah|cabala]] were those of number, and even if they transcended the gemetricl skill of the Rabbi and the hieroglyphical learning of the priest of [[w:Osiris|Osiris]], they were, distinctly and unmistakably, expressions of thought uttered to mind by mind; they were the solutions of mathematical problems of extraordinary complexity.
* The very spirits of the winds, when they were sent to carry the grateful harvest to the thirsting fields of [[w:Calabria|Calabria]], did not forget the geometry which they had studied in the caverns of [[w:Aeolus|Æolus]] and of which the geologist is daily discovering the [[diagram]]s.
* '''There is proof enough furnished by every science, but by none more than geometry, that the world to which we have been allotted is peculiarly adapted to our minds, and admirably fitted to promote our intellectual progress.''' There can be no reasonable doubt that it was part of the Creator's plan. How easily might the whole order have been transposed! How readily might we have been assigned to some complicated system which our feeble and finite powers could not have unravelled!
=== On the Uses and Transformations of Linear Algebra (1875) ===
:<small>An address to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences (11 May 1875)</small>
[[File:Math.svg|thumb|[[Symbols]] are essential to comprehensive [[argument]].]]
<!--[[File:Quadratic formula.svg|thumb|When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to [[knowledge]]; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of [[thought]].]]-->
* Some definite interpretation of a linear algebra would, at first sight, appear indispensable to its successful application. But on the contrary, it is a singular fact, and one quite consonant with the principles of sound logic, that its first and general use is mostly to be expected from its want of significance. The interpretation is a trammel to the use. '''Symbols are essential to comprehensive argument.'''
* The familiar proposition that all A is B, and all B is C, and therefore all A is C, is contracted in its domain by the substitution of significant words for the symbolic letters. The A, B, and C, are subject to no limitation for the purposes and validity of the proposition; they may represent not merely the actual, but also the ideal, the impossible as well as the possible. In Algebra, likewise, the letters are symbols which, passed through a machinery of argument in accordance with given laws, are developed into symbolic results under the name of formulas. '''When the formulas admit of intelligible interpretation, they are accessions to knowledge; but independently of their interpretation they are invaluable as symbolical expressions of thought.''' But the most noted instance is the symbol called the impossible or imaginary, known also as the square root of minus one, and which, from a shadow of meaning attached to it, may be more definitely distinguished as the symbol of semi-inversion. This symbol is restricted to a precise signification as the representative of perpendicularity in [[quaternion]]s, and this wonderful algebra of space is intimately dependent upon the special use of the symbol for its symmetry, elegance, and power.
* The strongest use of the symbol is to be found in its magical power of doubling the actual universe, and placing by its side an ideal universe, its exact counterpart, with which it can be compared and contrasted, and, by means of curiously connecting fibres, form with it an organic whole, from which modern analysis has developed her surpassing [[geometry]].
=== ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882) ===
:<small> [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich Full text online at The Internet Archive]</small>
[[File:BenjaminPeirce7.jpg|thumb|I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry.]]
[[File:Square1.jpg|thumb|right|The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong, and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics.]]
* I presume that to the uninitiated the formulae will appear cold and cheerless; but let it be remembered that, like other mathematical formulae, they find their origin in the divine source of all geometry. Whether I shall have the satisfaction of taking part in their exposition, or whether that will remain for some more profound expositor, will be seen in the future.
** Preface.
* Mathematics is the science which draws necessary conclusions.
** § 1.
* The sphere of mathematics is here extended, in accordance with the derivation of its name, to all demonstrative research, so as to include all knowledge strictly capable of dogmatic teaching. Mathematics is not the discoverer of laws, for it is not induction; neither is it the framer of theories, for it is not hypothesis; but it is the judge over both, and it is the arbiter to which each must refer its claims ; and neither law can rule nor theory explain without the sanction of mathematics. It deduces from a law all its consequences, and develops them into the suitable form for comparison with observation, and thereby measures the strength of the argument from observation in favor of a proposed law or of a proposed form of application of a law. {{pb}} '''Mathematics, under this definition, belongs to every enquiry, moral as well as physical.''' Even the rules of logic, by which it is rigidly bound, could not be deduced without its aid. The laws of argument admit of simple statement, but they must be curiously transposed before they can be applied to the living speech and verified by, observation.
** § 1.
* '''The branches of mathematics are as various as the sciences to which they belong''', and each subject of physical enquiry has its appropriate mathematics. In every form of material manifestation, there is a corresponding form of human thought, so that the human mind is as wide in its range of thought as the physical universe in which it thinks.
** § 2.
* '''All relations are either qualitative or quantitative.''' Qualitative relations can be considered by themselves without regard to quantity. The algebra of such enquiries may be called logical algebra, of which a fine example is given by [[George Boole|Boole]]. {{pb}} Quantitative relations may also be considered by themselves without regard to quality. They belong to [[arithmetic]], and the corresponding algebra is the common or arithmetical algebra. {{pb}} In all other algebras both relations must be combined, and the algebra must conform to the character of the relations.
** § 3.
* There are many cases of these algebras which may obviously be combined into natural classes, but the consideration of this portion of the subject will be reserved to subsequent researches.
** "Natural Classification", p. 119.
== Quotes about Peirce ==
[[File:Monasterio Khor Virap, Armenia, 2016-10-01, DD 25.jpg|thumb|Peirce stood alone — a [[mountain]] peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country. ~ [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]] ]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce4.jpg|thumb|Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the [[mountain]]. ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:Signature of Benjamin Peirce.png|thumb|His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." ~ Edward Waldo Emerson]]
[[File:BenjaminPeirce.jpg|thumb|right|Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. ~ [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]] ]]
* I always had the feeling that his attitude toward his loved science was that of a devoted worshipper, rather than a clear expounder. Although we could rarely follow him, we certainly sat up and took notice. … To him mathematics was not a humanly devised instrument of investigation, it was Philosophy itself, the divine revealer of [[Truth|TRUTH]].
** W. E. Byerly, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was one of the most stimulating men I have ever known.
** Arnold B. Chace, Chancellor of Brown University, in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Peirce stood alone — a mountain peak whose absolute height might be hard to measure, but which towered above the surrounding country.
** [[Julian Coolidge|Julian Lowell Coolidge]], in "The Story of Mathematics at Harvard" in ''The Harvard Alumni Bulletin'' (3 January 1924).
* Benjamin Peirce's lectures dealt, to be sure, with the higher mathematics, but also with theories of the universe and the infinities of nature, and with man's power to deal with infinities and infinitesimals alike. His University Lectures were many a time way over the heads of his audience, but his aspect, his manner, and his whole personality held and delighted them.
** [[w:Charles William Eliot|Charles William Eliot]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* He was such a great, big ray of Light and Goodness, always so simple, cheerful and showing more than amiability, that his great power did not seem to assert itself.
** Helen Huntington Peirce Ellis, his daughter, as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Of the great mathematician as an instructor several of his pupils who ventured on the higher planes of the science have written. These were youths who, though they could follow him but a few steps in that rarefied atmosphere, had the privilege of a glimpse now and then into shining [[infinities]] wherein this giant sped rejoicing on.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* Authority was nothing to Peirce. He took his own path up the mountain. … Like [[Pythagoras]], Peirce taught that everything owes its existence and consistency to the [[harmony]] which he considered the basis of all beauty, and found music in the revolving spheres.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* His talk was informal, often far above their heads. "Do you follow me?" asked the Professor one day. No one could say Yes. "I'm not surprised," said he; "I know of only three persons who could." At Paris, the year after, at the great Exposition, Flagg stood before a mural tablet whereon were inscribed the names of the great mathematicians of the earth for more than two thousand years. [[Archimedes]] headed, Peirce closed the list; the only American.
** Edward Waldo Emerson, presenting the testimony of George A. Flagg, in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918).
* He gave us his "Curves and Functions", in the form of lectures; and sometimes, even while stating his propositions, he would be seized with some mathematical inspiration, would forget pupils, notes, everything, and would rapidly dash off equation after equation, following them out with smaller and smaller chalk-marks into the remote corners of the blackboard, forsaking his delightful task only when there was literally no more space to be covered, and coming back with a sigh to his actual students. There was a great fascination about these interruptions; we were present, as it seemed, at mathematics in the making; it was like peeping into a necromancer's cell, and seeing him at work; or as if our teacher were one of the old Arabian algebraists recalled to life.
** [[w:Thomas Wentworth Higginson|Thomas Wentworth Higginson]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* Looking back over the space of fifty years since I entered Harvard College, Benjamin Peirce still impresses me as having the most massive [[intellect]] with which I have ever come in contact, and as being the most profoundly inspiring [[teacher]] I ever had. … As soon as he had finished the problem or filled the blackboard he would rub everything out and begin again. He was impatient of detail, and sometimes the result would not come out right; but instead of going over his work to find the error, he would rub it out, saying that he had made a mistake in a sign somewhere, and that we should find it when we went over our notes. Described in this way it may seem strange that such a method of teaching should be inspiring; yet to us it was so to the highest degree. We were carried along by the rush of his thought, by the ease and grasp of his intellectual movement. The inspiration came, I think, partly from his treating us as highly competent pupils, capable of following his line of thought even through errors in transformations; partly from his rapid and graceful methods of proof, which reached a result with the least number of steps in the process, attaining thereby an artistic or literary character; and partly from the quality of his mind which tended to regard any mathematical theorem as a particular case of some more comprehensive one, so that we were led onward to constantly enlarging truths.
** [[w:Abbott Lawrence Lowell|Abbott Lawrence Lowell]], President of Harvard University, as quoted in ''Benjamin Peirce, 1809-1880: Biographical Sketch and Bibliography'' (1925) by R. C. Archibald.
* Benjamin Peirce deserves recognition, not only as a founding father of American mathematics, but also as a founding father of modern abstract algebra.
** H. M. Pycior, in "Benjamin Peirce's 'Linear Associative Algebra'" in ''[[w:Isis (journal)|Isis]]'' Vol. 70, 254 (1979), p. 537-551.
* It is not given to us — it is given to but few men of any generation — to roam those Alpine solitudes of science to which his [[genius]] reached.
** Robert Rantoul<!-- perhaps "Robert Rantoul III", NOT Robert Rantoul, Jr. --> in a eulogy quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
* When this wizard stepped down from his post, crossed his moat, and opened his garden gate, nothing could be more attractive than the vistas and plantations he opened to our view. … Few men could suggest more while saying so little, or stimulate so much while communicating next to nothing that was tangible and comprehensible. The young man that would learn the true meaning of ''apprehension'' as distinct from ''comprehension'', should have heard the professor lecture.
** [[w:Franklin Benjamin Sanborn|Franklin Benjamin Sanborn]], as quoted in ''The Early Years of the Saturday Club, 1855-1870'' (1918) by Edward Waldo Emerson.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.nndb.com/people/729/000165234/ Profile at NNDB]
* [http://www-history.mcs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Biographies/Peirce_Benjamin.html Profile at University of St. Andrews]
* [http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/peirce-benjamin/ Profile at Stanford University]
* [http://www.archive.org/details/linearassocalgeb00pierrich ''Linear Associative Algebra'' (1882)]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Peirce, Benjamin}}
[[Category:Mathematicians from the United States]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Scientists from Massachusetts]]
[[Category:1880 deaths]]
[[Category:1809 births]]
[[Category:Harvard University faculty]]
[[Category:Harvard University alumni]]
[[Category:Astronomers from the United States]]
[[Category:Statisticians]]
qladwk3qvgkctm2jptjw7w90mbufnmv
Transamerica (film)
0
104578
3935136
3933520
2026-04-30T21:53:47Z
~2026-18987-48
3305858
/* Dialogue */ Those lines "I am a pilgrim I am a stranger traveling through" are probably from the song played after the scene and taken directly from the transcript on Springfield Springfield.
3935136
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Transamerica (film)|Transamerica]]''''' is a [[w:2005 in film|2005 film]] about a pre-operative male-to-female transsexual who takes an unexpected journey when she learns that she fathered a son, now a teenage runaway hustling on the streets of New York.
:''Written and directed by [[w:Duncan Tucker|Duncan Tucker]].''
{{center|'''Life is a journey. Bring an open mind.''' <small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}}
== Bree Osbourne ==
* My body may be a work in progress, but there's nothing wrong with my soul.
* Shit! I mean, darn! I mean, shit!
* I'm from the Church of the Potential Father
** To Toby when he asks what church she's from
* I'm a transsexual - not a transvestite.
** After her sister picks a garish outfit for Bree to wear to a family dinner
== Hippy hitch-hiker ==
* I'm a level 4 vegan. I don't eat anything that casts a shadow. (A joke, originally made in [[w:The Simpsons|The Simpsons]])
==Dialogue==
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Mr. Schupak. Ms. Schupak. I mean, Ms. Osbourne. I changed it.
:'''Police Sergeant''': Can I ask what your relationship is to the prisoner?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Allegedly, I'm his... allegedly, he's my son.
:'''Police Sergeant''': This is a new one. According to this, he shoplifted a frog. Plus we have testimony that he was in possession of a small amount of a suspicious-looking white powder, although emergency services was unable to recover the evidence.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Drugs? Is he an addict?
:'''Police Sergeant''': Most of 'em are.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Most of whom are?
:'''Police Sergeant''': Are you aware that your son's been hustling on the streets working as a prostitute?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': How much is the bail?
:'''Police Sergeant''': Bail's set at one dollar.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': I can't possibly afford... one dollar?
:'''Police Sergeant''': Sabrina Claire Osbourne? Meet Toby Wilkins.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Uh... my friends call me Bree.
:'''Toby''': [[w:Reformed Christianity|Jesus the reformer]]?
:'''Police Sergeant''': That's one of these churches [[w:Missionary|that sends missionaries out to guide street people back to God]].
:'''Bree Osbourne''': No. I'm... from the church of the potential father.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Look at your life. You've never been able to stick to a decision. I mean, 10 years of college and not a single degree. How do you know you won't change your mind about this, too?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Because I know.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Don't do this awful thing to yourself, please. I miss my son.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Mom, you never had a son.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': [''Crying''] How can you say such a thing?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Now you know how I felt when you hired those private detectives.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': We only tried to do the best for you.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Is that why you tried to have me committed?
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': [''Shouting''] You tried to kill yourself!
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Because you tried to have me committed!
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': I don't know why you have to be so emotional.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': [''Shouting''] I am not emotional! [''Normally''] God, my cycle's all out of whack.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': You don't have cycles!
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Hormones are hormones. Yours and mine just happen to come in purple little pills.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby''': Beauty is relative.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Not my relatives.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Eat your vegetables
:'''Toby''': [''Toby starts eating with his hands'']
:'''Bree Osbourne''': And might wanna use a fork. Just an idea.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Murray Schupak''': Your mother and I both love you.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': But we don't respect you!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bree Osbourne''': I got a phone call last night from a juvenile inmate of the New York prison system. He claimed to be Stanley's son.
:'''Margaret''': No third-person. [''Brief pause'']
:'''Bree Osbourne''': ''My'' son.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby''': Your parents' house is a lot nicer.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': My parents' house comes with my parents.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Spikowsky''': How do you feel about your penis?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': It disgusts me. I don't even like looking at it.
:'''Dr. Spikowsky''': What about friends?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': They don't like it either.
:'''Dr. Spikowsky''': No, I mean do you have the support of friends?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': I'm very close to my therapist.
:'''Dr. Spikowsky''': What about your family?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': My family is dead.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Fasten your seatbelt.
:'''Toby''': I don't like wearing them.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Well I don't like the idea of seeing your internal organs splattered all over the dashboard if we get into a wreck, God forbid, so put it on.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby''': And these shoes. Three dollars, a dollar fifty each. You know how much these things are worth in Japan?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Three dollars?
:'''Toby''': Like 500 dollars. Japanese people kill for old Nikes.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Then you probably should avoid wearing them in Japan.
:'''Toby''': Yeah, I'd probably be, like, disemboweled by a ninja.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': You don't have to say "like". "Probably disemboweled by a ninja" is sufficient. And please don't put your feet up on the dashboard.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby''': I'm out of cigarettes.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': [[w:Glossary of French words and expressions in English#Q|Quel dommage]].
:'''Toby''': What's "quel dommage" mean?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': It means you're not getting any cigarettes.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Wayne''': School's gonna be closing in about fifteen minutes.
:'''Toby''': Wayne, this is really hard. Do you think you could give me a hand?
:'''Wayne''': Sure - what subject?
:'''Toby''': [''Stands, pushes down his surfer shorts''] Sex education.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby''': Did you know that ''[[The Lord of the Rings]]'' is gay?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': I beg your pardon.
:'''Toby''': There's [[w:Mordor#Barad-dûr|this big, black tower]], right? And it points right at [[w:Sauron#Eye of Sauron|this huge burning vagina thing]], and it's like the symbol of ultimate evil. And then Sam and Frodo have to go to this cave and deposit their magic ring into [[w:Mordor#Mount Doom|this hot, steaming lava pit]]. Only at the last minute, Frodo can't perform, so Gollum bites off his finger. Gay.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Jesus made me this way so I could suffer and be reborn the way he wanted me!
:'''Toby''': You're gonna [[w:Penis removal|cut your dick off]] for Jesus?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': They don't "cut it off!" It just becomes an innie instead of an outtie.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Murray Schupak''': Are you sure you're all right, Stanley?
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Fabulous. Never been better.
:'''Murray Schupak''': Stanley...
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Bree. Sabrina Claire Osbourne.
:'''Murray Schupak''': Look, we're gonna need more time with that. Your mother and I both love you-- But we don't respect you.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': I'll never understand why you're doing this to me.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': I'm not doing anything to you. I'm gender dysphoric. It's a genetic condition.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Don't try to blame your father and me for this. [''Referring to Bree's sandwich construction''] You shouldn't use so much [[w:mayonnaise|mayonnaise]]. Are you trying to give yourself a heart attack? Let me do that! You know what I see when l look at you? I see a lost soul crying out for help. This would never have happened if you had only come to church when you were little, instead of going off to that synagogue of your father's.
:'''Sydney''': [''Appears''] Mom, Dad, there's this scruffy looking kid outside. [''Observes Bree''] Holy shit!
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Language, Sydney!
:'''Sydney''': I don't fuckin' believe it! Stanley!
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Bree. Bree.
:'''Sydney''': Well, Bree, I was hopin' you'd show up one of these days, take some of the heat off me.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': It's nice to see you, too.
:'''Sydney''': If that kid out there's your boyfriend, I'm gonna slit my wrists. I need to talk to you in private. Oh, my God. He is! You lucky son of a- I mean, you lucky bitch!
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Your boyfriend?! That filthy teenage juvenile delinquent who came to the door a second ago is your boyfriend?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': He happens to be a clean, healthy and respectable young man.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': I don't want to hear any more about it. How old is he?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': 17.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Oh, my God, Murray, he's underage!
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Mom, he's my son.
:'''Sydney''': You're shittin' me!
:'''Bree Osbourne''': Remember Emma Wilkins?
:'''Sydney''': What are you saying... is Emma here, too?
:'''Bree Osbourne''': She killed herself.
:'''Sydney''': [[w:Jesus H. Christ|Jesus]]! [[w:Evil eye#In Judaism|Kinehora]]!
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': Are you trying to tell me that that boy who came to the door...
:'''Bree Osbourne''': He's your grandson.
:'''Elizabeth Schupak''': My grandson. My grandson. Oh, dear God.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': He doesn't know anything, and I don't want him to.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bree''': Have you lived all your life in New Mexico?
:'''Calvin''': Not yet...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Calvin''': [''When Bree coughs after drinking [[w:mescal|mescal]]''] That'll put hair on your chest.
:'''Bree Osbourne''': [''Clasps hands as if praying''] Hope not.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby''': How come an Indian wears a cowboy hat?
:'''Calvin''': Well, I guess it's because it keeps the sun out of my eyes better than a head band and a couple of eagle feathers.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby''': I'm not gonna marry you!
:'''Bree''': Glory Hallelujah.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Felicity Huffman|Felicity Huffman]] - Sabrina "Bree" Osbourne (formerly Stanley Schupak)
* [[w:Kevin Zegers|Kevin Zegers]] - Toby Wilkins
* [[w:Graham Greene (actor)|Graham Greene]] - Calvin Many Goats
* [[w:Fionnula Flanagan|Fionnula Flanagan]] - Elizabeth Schupak
* [[w:Burt Young|Burt Young]] - Murray Schupak
* [[w:Carrie Preston|Carrie Preston]] - Sydney Schupak
* [[w:Elizabeth Peña|Elizabeth Peña]] - Margaret
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0407265|title= Transamerica}}
* {{official website|http://www.transamerica-movie.com/}}
[[Category:2005 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:LGBT-related films]]
fo06iqwcsifn5afnotb1hcd93syrb29
The Muppet Movie
0
106237
3935201
3927046
2026-05-01T00:16:30Z
~2026-26496-52
3315144
3935201
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:Harpe de lumiere.jpg|thumb|right|Why're there so many songs about rainbows<br/> And what's on the other side?]]
'''''[[w:The Muppet Movie|The Muppet Movie]]''''' is a 1979 live-action/puppet musical comedy film featuring [[w:Jim Henson|Jim Henson]]'s [[w:Muppet|The Muppets]] in which Kermit and his newfound friends trek across America to find success in Hollywood, but a frog legs merchant is after Kermit.
:''Directed by [[w:James Frawley|James Frawley]]. Written by [[w:Jack Burns|Jack Burns]] and [[w:Jerry Juhl|Jerry Juhl]].''
==Dialogue==
:''[First lines]''
:'''Statler''': I'm Statler.
:'''Waldorf''': I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle "The Muppet Movie".
:'''Gate Guard''': Gentlemen, that's straight ahead. Private screening room D.
:'''Statler''': Private screening?
:'''Waldorf''': Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.
:''[They laugh as they ride off to the studios]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bernie the Agent''': ''[rowing his boat]'' HELP! HELLO! THIS IS A SERIOUS CALL FOR HELP!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Uh, Yeah?
:'''Bernie the Agent''': ''[rowing up to Kermit]'' SOMEONE? HELP! Oh, You, you with the banjo. Can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Have you tried Hare Krishna?
:'''Bernie the Agent''': ''[chuckles]'' No. No, I mean, I'm really lost.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Uh, one second. ''[snaps at fly]'' Darn, I missed. You know, that's the first thing to go on a frog, his tongue. The tongue goes and you can't catch flies.
:'''Bernie the Agent''': Oh, that's rough, I'm sorry about your tongue, but, I have to get out of this swamp. I have to catch a plane.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': With that tongue? No way! But seriously, there's a boat dock just downstream.
:'''Bernie the Agent''': Thank you.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Just watch out for the alligators.
:'''Bernie the Agent''': I will. ''[widens]'' Alligators?!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': That's right.
:'''Bernie the Agent''': Did you say "alligators"?
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Read my lips "Al-li-ga-tors".
:'''Bernie the Agent''': It's just that I'm not used to alligators where I come from. See, I'm an agent. I winged in from Hollywood.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Hollywood?
:'''Bernie the Agent''': That's right.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Did you say "Hollywood"?
:'''Bernie the Agent''': Read my lips, Hol-ly-wood. You know, ''[singing]'' ''Hollywood''. The dream factory, the magic store. Hey, don't you ever go to the movies?
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Oh, sure, there's a double feature in town every Saturday.
:'''Bernie the Agent''': ''[naps his finger]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. ''[grabs the newspaper ad to Kermit to read]'' There's an ad in here that you should be very interested in. Feast your eyes on that.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Uh, "World Wide Studios announces open auditions for frogs wishing to become rich and famous?" Well, thanks, anyway, but I'm really pretty happy where I am.
:'''Bernie the Agent''': Oh, oh, if I were you, I would give this audition very careful consideration. You've got talent, kid--singin', tellin' jokes, I mean, if you get your tongue fixed, who knows? You could make millions of people happy.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[wonders]'' Millions of people happy...
:'''Bernie the Agent''': Millions! Hey, if you ever come west to Hollywood, look me up, Bernie the Agent.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Hey, listen, Bernie the agent, why don't you say hello to Arnie the alligator?
:'''Bernie the Agent''': What?! ''[rows away in a panic, yelling as the alligator pursues him]''
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Arnie! Arnie, wait a minute. Careful, Arnie.
:'''Bernie the Agent''': STAY! STAY!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Arnie, that's okay, leave him alone! He's from Hollywood!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit the Frog''': The El Sleezo Cafe. Hmm, Foreign food. Well, It doesn't smell promising. But a frog's gotta eat. ''[gasps when a man is kicked out of the cafe]'' Wow! Rough place, Huh?
:'''The El Sleezo Cafe owner''': That's the toughest, meanest, filthiest pest hole on the face of the earth!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Well, why not complain to the owner?
:'''The El Sleezo Cafe owner''': I ''am'' the owner.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Fozzie and Kermit speed away from Doc Hopper]''
:'''Doc Hopper:''' Max! ''[Max pulls over]'' Follow that frog! ''[Max drives off leaving Doc Hopper behind]'' ''MAX!!!'' ''[Max stops and reverses the car]'' Follow that frog ''with me in the car!''
:'''Max:''' I'm sorry, Doc, I just got excited. Isn't the frog terrific?
:'''Doc Hopper:''' ''[getting in the car]'': Terrific, Max, terrific, now go!
:'''Max:''' But you promised me a reward.
:'''Doc Hopper:''' Later, Max. Now follow that frog!
:''[Max then drives off with Doc Hopper]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Fozzie''': Kermit, where're we?
:'''Kermit''': ''[looking at a map]'' Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little green line here, and uh, just crossed that little pink line over here.
:'''Fozzie''': ''[takes his eyes off the road to focus on the map]'' Look, why don't we just take that little blue line, huh?
:'''Kermit''': We can't take that. That's a river.
:'''Fozzie''': Oh. I knew that.
:'''Kermit''': Yeah sure.
:'''Fozzie''': Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
:'''Kermit''': ''[cutting him off]'' Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?
:'''Fozzie''': Yeah?
:'''Kermit''': Who's driving?
:''[They looked up, and screamed before Fozzie drives away from crashing the church and stops the car]''
:'''Kermit''': Where did you learn to drive?
:'''Fozzie''': I took a correspondence course. ''[backing up next to the church]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[discovering that their car was painted by The Electric Mayhem]''
:'''Fozzie''': I don't know how to thank you guys!
:'''Kermit''': I don't know ''why'' to thank you guys.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sweetums''': Jack not name, Jack Job!
:'''Used Car Store owner''': ''[quietly]'' How many times did I tell you not to talk to my customers?
:'''Sweetums''': Yeah, I know!
:'''Used Car Store Owner''': Just move it. You understand?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''The Beauty Pageant host''': Before we announce the winner, We would like to thank the judges of today's contest! Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy!
:'''Charlie McCarthy''': You are not gonna believe who is the winner is, folks.
:'''Edgar Bergen''': Come on, Charlie. It's their movie.
:'''Charlie McCarthy:''' So, it is.
:''[They both laugh]''
:'''The Beauty Pageant host''': And here she is! The winner of the Bogen County Beauty Pageant is: MISS PIGGY!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit''': ''[watching Gonzo, who's holding a bunch of helium balloons, fly by]'' Gonzo! What're you doing?!
:'''Gonzo''': About seven knots!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit''': ''[giving directions to Fozzie]'' Bear left.
:'''Fozzie''': Right frog.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rowlf''': Oh. Broken heart, right?
:'''Kermit''': ''[sadly]'' Does it show?
:'''Rowlf''': Listen. When you've been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you've seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every falling star.
:'''Kermit''': Exactly. She just walked out on me.
:'''Rowlf''': Yeah, typical. That's why I live alone.
:'''Kermit''': You do, huh?
:'''Rowlf''': You bet. I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed.
:'''Kermit''': Nice and simple.
:'''Rowlf''': Stay away from women, that's my motto.
:'''Kermit''': But I can't.
:'''Rowlf''': Neither can I. That's my trouble.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit''': ''[over the phone]'' Hello?
:''[We see Doc Hopper and the tied-up Miss Piggy]''
:'''Miss Piggy''': Kermie, help! I've been kidnapped! ''[Doc Hopper covers her mouth]''
:'''Kermit''' Uh, Miss Piggy, Is that you?
:'''Doc Hopper''': Yes, That's her. And this is Doc Hopper. Let me tell you something. Come outside of the hotel right now. My guys will be waiting for you.
:'''Kermit''': But what if I don't?
:'''Doc Hopper''': Then your pig friend will be ham-hocked for breakfast.
:'''Miss Piggy''': ''[muffed screams]'' No, Kermie! Don't, don't...
:''[Doc Hopper hangs up the phone and laughs at Miss Piggy. Kermit quietly and nervously enters outside the restaurant, and is held gunpoint by Doc Hopper's henchmen]''
:'''Kermit''': ''[frightened]'' Um, aren't you the guys I'm supposed to meet?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[As Miss Piggy karate chops the henchmen]''
:'''Doctor Max Krassman''': What the heck's goin' on here? A pig that goes bananas? What is this, a luau?!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Doctor Max Krassman''': I must reach the switch, I must. Reach it....
:'''Miss Piggy''': HAI-YAH! ''[crashes into the machine]'' Come out, Kermit!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[in tears of joy]'' Oh, Thank you!
:''[Miss Piggy kicks the mad doctor and sets off the machine]''
:'''Doctor Max Krassman''': ''[screams when he leans on the chair]'' Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Ha! ''[faints]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit''': I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood, anyway? Just a dream I got from sitting through too many double features.
:'''Kermit's Conscience''': ''[heard]'' So why did you leave the swamp in the first place?
:'''Kermit''': 'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. He probably says that to everybody.
:'''Kermit's Conscience''': On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.
:'''Kermit''': Yeah. But then it would just be me feeling miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey.
:'''Kermit's Conscience''': ''[appears, similar to Kermit, on the rock]'' Mmm - Yeah. A little like a turkey, but not much.
:'''Kermit''': No, I guess not. Anyhow, I brought them all out here to the middle of nowhere, and it's all my fault.
:'''Kermit's Conscience''': ''[walks up to him]'' Still, whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember - they wanted to come.
:'''Kermit''': But...that's because they believed in me.
:'''Kermit's Conscience''': No, they believed in the dream.
:'''Kermit''': Well, so do I, but...
:'''Kermit's Conscience''': You do?
:'''Kermit''': ''[realizes]'' Yeah! Of course I do.
:'''Kermit's Conscience''': Well, then?
:'''Kermit''': Well, then...I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Floyd Pepper''': When do you dudes have to be at the audition?
:'''Kermit the Frog''': 2:00 tomorrow afternoon!
:'''Dr. Teeth''': Well, then climb aboard the bus! We will have breakfast at Hollywood and vine!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit the Frog''': A motorcycle cop is chasing us! ''[we see a police officer on motorcycle chasing the bus]'' Hey, Dr. Teeth, you better pull over.
:'''Dr. Teeth''': Easier ''done'' than ''said''. ''[the police officer gets off his motor cycle]''. Hey! Hey! Hey! It's the man with the badge. The police, the cops, the fuzz, the P.I.-
:'''Miss Piggy''': DON'T! YOU! DARE!
:'''Dr. Teeth''': I wouldn't think of it.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Did we do something wrong, Officer?
:''[The police officer takes off the helmet and reveals to be Doc Hopper's friend Max]''.
:'''Crowd''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, look!
:'''Miss Piggy''': Kermit, it's him!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Okay, guys. Let him explain.
:'''Max''': This whole disguise is so that I can warn you.
:'''Fozzie''' :''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, sure.
:'''Max''': I never thought Doc was gonna hurt Kermit, I thought he was gonna ''lean'' on him! But now he's got this frog killer in from the coast! And the man's ''deadly!''
:''[Everybody gasps]''
:'''Fozzie''': Oh, no! Kermit, what are we gonna do?!
:'''Floyd''': It's time to beat feet, green stuff.
:'''Fozzie''': Yeah, get out of here, Kermit.
:'''Dr. Teeth''': I love it. Chase music is one of our best riffs.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Hold it, Dr. Teeth! What's up ahead?
:'''Dr. Teeth''': Uh...only an old ghost town.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Fine. ''[to Max]'' Listen, you go back and tell Doc Hopper, I'll be waiting for him there.
:'''Max''': ''[shocked]'' WHAT?!?!
:''[Miss Piggy gasps]''
:'''Fozzie''': Kermit, you'll get ''killed!''
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Listen, guys. Listen. I can't spend my whole life running away from a bully. It's time for a showdown.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Animal mighty roars at Doc Hopper and his villains before they're gonna run away]''
:'''Doc Hopper and Clan''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Max, who's not screaming, gives Kermit and the gang thumps up with a smile and leaves]''
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[surprised, relieved, then turns to his friends]'' Everybody, on to Hollywood!
:''[Muppets cheering]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lew Lord, CEO and chairman of World Wide Studios''': ''[to the intercom]'' Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'rich and famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and company.
:''[The Muppet Show gang are surprised, and they cheered, while Kermit is stunned with relief]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Scooter''': ''[holds the clapboard the wrong way]'' Okay, Muppet Movie, Scenery 1A, Take One! ''[hurts his hand from the clapboard]'' Ow!
:'''Beaker''': Makeup's ready!
:'''Dr. Bunsen Honeydew''': Sound's ready.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[on Megaphone]'' Okay, stand by, here we go!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Animal:''' Go home! Go home! Bye-bye. ''[faints]''
:''[Cuts to black]''
==Cast==
* [[w:Charles Durning|Charles Durning]] as Doc Hopper
* [[w:Austin Pendleton|Austin Pendleton]] as Max
* Scott Walker as Snake Walker
* Lawrence Gabriel Jr. as a sailor
* Ira F. Grubman as a bartender
* [[w:H.B. Haggerty|H.B. Haggerty]] as a lumberjack
* [[w:Bruce Kirby (actor)|Bruce Kirby]] as a gate guard
* Tommy Madden as One-Eyed Midget
* [[w:James Frawley|James Frawley]] as a writer
* Arnold Roberts as a cowboy
=== Cameo Guest Stars ===
* [[w:Caroll Spinney|Caroll Spinney]] as Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch from ''[[w:Sesame Street|Sesame Street]]''
* [[w:Carol Kane|Carol Kane]] as The Myth
* [[w:Edgar Bergen|Edgar Bergen]] as Himself and the voices of Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd
* [[w:Milton Berle|Milton Berle]] as Mad Man Mooney
* [[w:Mel Brooks|Mel Brooks]] as Professor Max Krassman
* [[w:James Coburn|James Coburn]] as the owner of El Sleezo Cafe
* [[w:Dom DeLuise|Dom DeLuise]] as Bernie the Agent
* [[w:Bob Hope|Bob Hope]] as an Ice Cream vendor
* [[w:Madeline Kahn|Madeline Kahn]] as a patron at El Sleezo
* [[w:Cloris Leachman|Cloris Leachman]] as Lord's Secretary
* [[w:Elliott Gould|Elliott Gould]] as The Beauty Contest
* [[w:Steve Martin|Steve Martin]] as an insolent waiter
* [[w:Richard Pryor|Richard Pryor]] as Balloon Vender
* [[w:Telly Savalas|Telly Savalas]] as El Sleezo Tough
* [[w:Orson Welles|Orson Welles]] as Lew Lord
* [[w:Paul Williams (songwriter)|Paul Williams]] as the pianist at El Sleezo
===The Muppet Performers===
*[[w:Jim Henson|Jim Henson]] as Kermit the Frog, Sam, Harry the Hipster, Yorick, Beautiful Day Monster, Brewster, Clyde, Shakey Sanchez, Gloat, Timmy Monster, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf, The Swedish Chef and Lubbock Lou
* Frank Oz as Fozzie Bear, Cookie Monster, Grover, Mildred Huxhetter, Miss Piggy, George the Janitor, Animal, Marvin Suggs, Sam the Eagle and Gramps
* Jerry Nelson as Crazy Harry, Uncle Deadly, Floyd Pepper, Lew Zealand and Slim Wilson
* Richard Hunt as Scooter, Statler, Boppity, Janice, Mel, Sweetums and Bubba
* Dave Goelz as The Great Gonzo, Behemoth, Camilla the Chicken, Doglion Beast, Gorgon Heap, Luncheon Counter Monster, Beaker, Zoot, Beauregard and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
* John Lovelady as Nigel
*[[w:Steve Whitmire|Steve Whitmire]] as Robin the Frog, Baskerville the Hound, Thog, Louis Kazagger and Zeke
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0079588|The Muppet Movie}}
* {{mojo title|muppetmovie|The Muppet Movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|muppet_movie|The Muppet Movie}}
* {{metacritic film|the-muppet-movie|The Muppet Movie}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Muppet Movie, The}}
[[Category:1979 films]]
[[Category:1970s American films]]
[[Category:Musical comedy films]]
[[Category:The Muppets films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Road comedy films]]
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Adam
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[[File:God2-Sistine Chapel.png|thumb| Only the [[soul]] that is naked and unashamed, can be [[pure]] and [[innocent]], even as Adam was in the primal [[garden]] of [[humanity]]. ~ [[Sri Aurobindo]] ]]
'''[[w:Adam|Adam]]''' (Hebrew: אָדָם, Arabic: آدم) was, according to the Book of ''[[Genesis]]'' and the ''[[Qur'an]]'', the first man created by [[God]] and noted as such in subsequent [[Jewish]], [[Christian]], [[Islamic]] and [[Bahá'í Faith|Bahá'í]] traditions and literature. In Hebrew'' ׳āḏām'', meaning "human" coupled with the definite article, becomes "the human"; its root is linked to its triliteral root אָדָם (A-D-M ), meaning "red", "fair", "handsome". As a masculine noun,'' 'adam'' means "man", "mankind" usually in a collective context as in humankind. The noun'' 'adam'' is also the masculine form of the word ''adamah'' which means "ground" or "earth" and is related to the words: ''adom'' (red), ''admoni'' (ruddy), and ''dam'' (blood).
: See also:
::'''[[Adam and Eve]]'''
::'''[[Eve]]'''
::'''[[Lilith]]'''
==Quotes==
:<small>Quotes from works of literature of the character "Adam" </small>
* While God created Adam, who was alone, He said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. He also created a woman, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, 'I will not lie below,' and he said, 'I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.' Lilith responded, 'We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.' But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air.
** [[Adam]] and [[Lilith]] in [[w:Alphabet of Sirach|Alphabet of Sirach]]
* '''This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called [[Woman]], because she was taken out of [[Man]].'''
** Of [[Eve]], ''[[Genesis]]'' [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%202&version=KJV;WLC 2:23 (KJV)].
* And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? <br /> And he said, '''I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.''' <br /> And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? <br /> And the man said, '''The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.'''
** [[Anonymous]] authors of ''[[Genesis]]'' (sometimes attributed to [[Moses]]), [http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%203&version=KJV;WLC Ch. 3:6-13 (KJV)].
* Lord of the world, must I and my ass eat at one crib?
** Upon being told that he would have to eat the herbs of the ground, as reported in ''The Teaching of the Twelve Apostles'' (1886) by Charles Taylor, p. 14.
==Quotes about Adam ==
[[File:Forbidden fruit.jpg|thumb|The [[woman]] whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the [[tree]], and I did eat.]]
:<small>Sorted alphabetically by authors or source</small>
* ''Adam lay ibounden,<br/>Bounden in a bond;<br/>Four thousand winter<br/>Thoght he not too long;<br/>And all was for an appil,<br/>An appil that he tok.''
** Adam lay bound,<br/>Bound up in a bond.<br/>Four thousand winters<br/>He thought not too long.<br/>And all was for an apple,<br/>An apple that he took.
*** [[Anonymous]], "[[w:Adam Lay Ybounden|Adam lay ibounden]]", line 1, as quoted in ''Early English Lyrics'' ([1907] 1972) by Sir [[w:Edmund Kerchever Chambers|Edmund K. Chambers]] and Frank Sidgwick, p. 102, Translation: Joseph Glaser ''Middle English Poetry in Modern Verse'' (2007) p. 85.
* '''Only the [[soul]] that is naked and unashamed, can be [[pure]] and [[innocent]], even as Adam was in the primal [[garden]] of [[humanity]].'''
** [[Sri Aurobindo]], ''Thoughts and Aphorisms'' (1913).
* In the time of the First Manifestation the Primal Will appeared in Adam.
** [[Báb]], ''Dalá’Il-I-Sab‘ih'' (''The Seven Proofs'').
* "I have not the strength, to provide food for the herd of Adam's descendants."
** [[Earth]], in ''Legends of the Jews'' written by Louis Ginzberg (1909)
* Adam<br>Had 'em.
** [[w:Strickland Gillilan|Strickland Gillilan]], "[[w:Lines on the Antiquity of Microbes|Lines on the Antiquity of Microbes]]", also known as "Fleas" (often misattributed to [[Ogden Nash]]).
* And [mention] when We said to the angels, "Prostrate to Adam," and they prostrated, except for Iblees. He was of the jinn and departed from the command of his Lord. Then will you take him and his descendants as allies other than Me while they are enemies to you? Wretched it is for the wrongdoers as an exchange.
** [[Quran]], 18:50
* That man, the unsubmissive and first, stands in the opening chapter of every legend mankind has recorded about its beginning. [[Prometheus]] was chained to a rock and torn by vultures — because he had stolen the fire of the gods. Adam was condemned to suffer — because he had eaten the fruit of the tree of knowledge. Whatever the legend, somewhere in the shadows of its memory mankind knew that its glory began with one and that that one paid for his courage.
** [[Ayn Rand]], ''[[The Fountainhead]]'' (1943), part IV.
* When Adam sinned it was not he who cried, 'God, where art Thou?' It was God who cried, 'Adam, where art thou?'
** [[Aiden Wilson Tozer]], ''Worship: The Missing Jewel''.
*It is not permitted to think about Adam in another way than do the Jews. I will be quiet and I will not think.
**Voltaire 1885: 19.59, quoted in Dorothy M. Figueira, Aryans, Jews, Brahmins: Theorizing Authority Through Myths of Identity, New Delhi, Navayana Publishing Pvt Ltd. (2002), Reprint 2017
==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}
*{{Wiktionary-inline|Adam}}
*{{Commonscat-inline|Adam (Biblical figure)}}
[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:Jewish mythology]]
[[Category:Christian mythology]]
[[Category:Islamic mythology]]
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The Wicker Man (2006 film)
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[[File:Nicolas Cage Deauville 2013 2.jpg|thumb| Oh no, not the bees!]]
'''''[[w:The Wicker Man (2006 film)|The Wicker Man]]''''' is a 2006 remake of the [[The Wicker Man (1973 film)|1973 version]] of this mystery/horror story, but with a number of variations in the premises. The remake starred [[w:Nicolas Cage|Nicolas Cage]] as Edward Malus.
{{film-stub}}
== Edward Malus ==
* This is murder! Murder! You'll all be guilty! And you're doing it for nothing! Killing me won't bring back your god damn honey!
* Step away from the bike. ''[Uttered by Malus as he hijacks Sister Rose's bike at gunpoint]''
* What's in the bag? A shark or something?
* What is it?! What is it?! What is that, what is that, what is it?! Oh no, not the bees! Not the bees!! Auuuugh!!! They're in my eyes!!! My eyes!!! Aaaauuuurrrrgh!!!
* NOOOOOOO!!! ''[Edward's last words as he's sacrificed]''
== Other ==
* '''Islanders''': ''(chanted as they sacrifice Malus)'' The drone must die!
== Dialogue ==
:'''Malus''': How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned?! HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?!
:'''Willow''': I don't know!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Malus:''' Are you the barmaiden, or barkeep or whatever you call it round here?
:'''Sister Beech:''' I am Sister Beech, yes.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Malus:''' Here. ''[gives the girl her doll but she throws it out again]''
:'''Girl's mother:''' I'm sorry, she's not usually like this.
:'''Malus:''' It's OK, goes with the territory.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Malus:''' Maybe you could stop bullshitting me, especially when a little girl's life is at stake - ''my'' little girl, as you may have guessed!
:'''Sister Summerisle:''' As a matter of fact yes.
==Cast==
* [[w:Nicolas Cage|Nicolas Cage]] as Edward Malus
* [[w:Ellen Burstyn|Ellen Burstyn]] as Sister Summersisle
* [[w:Kate Beahan|Kate Beahan]] as Sister Willow
* [[w:Leelee Sobieski|Leelee Sobieski]] as Sister Honey
* [[w:Frances Conroy|Frances Conroy]] as Dr. Moss
* [[w:Molly Parker|Molly Parker]] as Sister Rose / Sister Thorn
* [[w:Diane Delano|Diane Delano]] as Sister Beech
* Erika Shaye Gair as Rowan
* [[w:Aaron Eckhart|Aaron Eckhart]] as Truck Stop Patron
* [[w:James Franco|James Franco]] and [[w:Jason Ritter|Jason Ritter]] as Bar Guys
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://thewickermanmovie.warnerbros.com/ Official site]
* {{imdb title|0450345|The Wicker Man}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Wicker Man, The}}
[[Category:2006 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Remake films]]
[[Category:Supernatural horror films]]
[[Category:Films about cults]]
[[Category:Folk horror films]]
[[Category:Films about bees]]
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The Room (film)
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[[File:The Room movie logo.png|thumb|'''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!''']]
[[File:The Room Q&A at the Roxy Theatre.jpg|thumb|260px|You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-1.jpg|thumb|Oh hi, Mark.]]
[[File:Tommy Wiseau in 2017.png|thumb|If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-3 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-5.jpg|thumb|Hahaha. What a story, Mark!]]
[[file:///Tommy-Wiseau-4.jpg |thumb|Anyway how is your sex life?]]
[[File:GregSestero (cropped).jpg|thumb|Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!]]
'''''[[w:The Room (film)|The Room]]''''' Provider: Shout! Studios is a [[w:2003 in film|2003]] [[w:Independent film|independent]] [[w:Romance film|romantic]] [[w:drama film|drama film]] primarily centered on the [[w:melodrama|melodrama]]tic [[w:love triangle|love triangle]] between an amiable banker, his fiancée, and his conflicted best friend. It is frequently cited as one of the [[w:List of films considered the worst|worst films ever made]]. Originally shown only in a limited number of California theaters, the film quickly developed a [[w:cult film|cult following]] as fans found humor in the film's bizarre storytelling and various technical and narrative flaws.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]].''
{{center|'''Can you ever really trust anyone?''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
== Johnny ==
* You are lying! I never hit you! '''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!'''
* ''[on his job at the bank]'' They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me, and I don't care anymore.
* ''[comes outside with a water bottle]'' I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! ''[throws the bottle on the ground in anger]'' I did ''not!'' Oh hi, Mark.
* Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!
* ''[to Lisa]'' Do you understand life?! ''Do you?!''
* Get out, get out, get out of my ''life''!
* Why, Lisa, why? Please talk to me! ''Pleeease!'' You are part of my life! You are ''everything!'' I cannot go on without you, Lisa!
* You can love someone deep inside your heart, and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.
* You know what they say, "Love is blind!"
* I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you, darling! ''[laughing]''
* Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all of my friends! Good thinking!
* God...forgive me. ''[kills himself]''
== Mark ==
* You don't understand anything, man. Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!
* Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
* As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth! That's a promise.
* Do you think girls like to cheat like guys do?
== Lisa ==
* She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?
* You think you're an angel... You're just like everybody else.
== Claudette ==
* Men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
== Peter ==
* People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.
== Others ==
* '''Steven''': I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!
* '''Chris R''': Five minutes?! You want ''five (bleep) minutes'', Denny?! You know what? ''[pulls out gun]'' I haven't got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!? ''['''Mark''': Silence!]''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Mark''': Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?
:'''Lisa''': How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': Denny, do you have something else to do?
:'''Denny''': I just like to watch you guys.
:'''Lisa''': Oh, Denny, Denny, Denny boy!
:'''Johnny''': Denny, two is great, but three's a crowd. Ha ha ha.
:'''Denny''': I get it. You guys wanna be alone.
:'''Johnny''': That's the idea.
:'''Denny''': Fine. I have homework anyway. Bye, love birds.
:'''Johnny''': Bye, Denny.
:'''Lisa''': Bye, Denny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
:'''Johnny''': In a few minutes, bitch.
:'''Lisa''': Who are you calling a bitch?!
:'''Johnny''': You and your stupid mother.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it… beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
:'''Johnny''': Hahaha. What a story, Mark!
:'''Mark''': Yeah, you can say that again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': Did you get your promotion?
:'''Johnny''': Nah.
:'''Lisa''': You didn't get it, did you?
:'''Johnny''': That son-of-a-bitch told me I will get it within three months. I saved them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I'll ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': The bank saves money and they are using me, and I am the fool.
:'''Lisa''': I still love you.
:'''Johnny''': You're the only one who does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steven''': When is the baby due?
:'''Lisa''': There is no baby.
:'''Steven and Michelle''': ''What?!''
:'''Steven''': ''[baffled]'' Wha—What are you talking about?!
:'''Lisa''': I told him that to make it interesting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': How was work today?
:'''Johnny''': Oh pretty good. We got a new client... at the bank. We make a lot of money.
:'''Mark''': What client?
:'''Johnny''': I cannot tell you, it's confidential.
:'''Mark''': Oh come on. Why not?
:'''Johnny''': No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Denny''': So what sort of movie are we gonna see?
:'''Johnny''': Well, we'll see... Denny, don't plan too much. It may not come out right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claudette''': Oh! That jerk, Harold! He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me! He has no right! I’m not giving him a penny! Who does he think he is?
:'''Lisa''': He's your brother.
:'''Claudette''': He is always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.
:'''Lisa''': You're not dying, mom.
:'''Claudette''': I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
:'''Lisa''': Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': If you kept your girl satisfied, she wouldn't have come to me!
:'''Johnny''': Get out of my house. ''[attacks Mark]'' I'll kill you! I'll break every bone in your body! ''[gets stopped by party attendants]''
:'''Lisa''': STOP IT!
:'''Johnny''': I'll ''kill'' you, you bastard!
:'''Mark''': You couldn't kill me if you tried...
:'''Johnny''': You betrayed me! You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep! ''[Mark attacks him again]''
== Taglines ==
* Can you really trust anyone?
*...Are you ready to see reflections of your life?
== Cast ==
* [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]] - Johnny
* [[w:Greg Sestero|Greg Sestero]] - Mark
* Julliette Danielle - Lisa
* Robyn Paris - Michelle
* Carolyn Minnott - Claudette
* Phillip Haldiman - Denny
== External links ==
{{Sister project links|w=The Room (film)|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=Category:The Room (film)|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q533383|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [http://theroommovie.com/ Official Website]
* {{IMDb title|id=0368226|title=The Room}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|room|The Room}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Room, The}}
[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
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[[File:The Room movie logo.png|thumb|'''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!''']]
[[File:The Room Q&A at the Roxy Theatre.jpg|thumb|260px|You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-1.jpg|thumb|Oh hi, Mark.]]
[[File:Tommy Wiseau in 2017.png|thumb|If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-3 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-5.jpg|thumb| Anyway how is your sex life?]]
[[file:Tommy-Wiseau-4.jpg |thumb| Hahaha. What a story, Mark!]]
[[File:GregSestero (cropped).jpg|thumb|Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!]]
'''''[[w:The Room (film)|The Room]]''''' Provider: Shout! Studios is a [[w:2003 in film|2003]] [[w:Independent film|independent]] [[w:Romance film|romantic]] [[w:drama film|drama film]] primarily centered on the [[w:melodrama|melodrama]]tic [[w:love triangle|love triangle]] between an amiable banker, his fiancée, and his conflicted best friend. It is frequently cited as one of the [[w:List of films considered the worst|worst films ever made]]. Originally shown only in a limited number of California theaters, the film quickly developed a [[w:cult film|cult following]] as fans found humor in the film's bizarre storytelling and various technical and narrative flaws.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]].''
{{center|'''Can you ever really trust anyone?''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
== Johnny ==
* You are lying! I never hit you! '''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!'''
* ''[on his job at the bank]'' They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me, and I don't care anymore.
* ''[comes outside with a water bottle]'' I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! ''[throws the bottle on the ground in anger]'' I did ''not!'' Oh hi, Mark.
* Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!
* ''[to Lisa]'' Do you understand life?! ''Do you?!''
* Get out, get out, get out of my ''life''!
* Why, Lisa, why? Please talk to me! ''Pleeease!'' You are part of my life! You are ''everything!'' I cannot go on without you, Lisa!
* You can love someone deep inside your heart, and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.
* You know what they say, "Love is blind!"
* I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you, darling! ''[laughing]''
* Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all of my friends! Good thinking!
* God...forgive me. ''[kills himself]''
== Mark ==
* You don't understand anything, man. Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!
* Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
* As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth! That's a promise.
* Do you think girls like to cheat like guys do?
== Lisa ==
* She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?
* You think you're an angel... You're just like everybody else.
== Claudette ==
* Men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
== Peter ==
* People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.
== Others ==
* '''Steven''': I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!
* '''Chris R''': Five minutes?! You want ''five (bleep) minutes'', Denny?! You know what? ''[pulls out gun]'' I haven't got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!? ''['''Mark''': Silence!]''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Mark''': Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?
:'''Lisa''': How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': Denny, do you have something else to do?
:'''Denny''': I just like to watch you guys.
:'''Lisa''': Oh, Denny, Denny, Denny boy!
:'''Johnny''': Denny, two is great, but three's a crowd. Ha ha ha.
:'''Denny''': I get it. You guys wanna be alone.
:'''Johnny''': That's the idea.
:'''Denny''': Fine. I have homework anyway. Bye, love birds.
:'''Johnny''': Bye, Denny.
:'''Lisa''': Bye, Denny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
:'''Johnny''': In a few minutes, bitch.
:'''Lisa''': Who are you calling a bitch?!
:'''Johnny''': You and your stupid mother.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it… beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
:'''Johnny''': Hahaha. What a story, Mark!
:'''Mark''': Yeah, you can say that again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': Did you get your promotion?
:'''Johnny''': Nah.
:'''Lisa''': You didn't get it, did you?
:'''Johnny''': That son-of-a-bitch told me I will get it within three months. I saved them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I'll ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': The bank saves money and they are using me, and I am the fool.
:'''Lisa''': I still love you.
:'''Johnny''': You're the only one who does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steven''': When is the baby due?
:'''Lisa''': There is no baby.
:'''Steven and Michelle''': ''What?!''
:'''Steven''': ''[baffled]'' Wha—What are you talking about?!
:'''Lisa''': I told him that to make it interesting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': How was work today?
:'''Johnny''': Oh pretty good. We got a new client... at the bank. We make a lot of money.
:'''Mark''': What client?
:'''Johnny''': I cannot tell you, it's confidential.
:'''Mark''': Oh come on. Why not?
:'''Johnny''': No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Denny''': So what sort of movie are we gonna see?
:'''Johnny''': Well, we'll see... Denny, don't plan too much. It may not come out right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claudette''': Oh! That jerk, Harold! He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me! He has no right! I’m not giving him a penny! Who does he think he is?
:'''Lisa''': He's your brother.
:'''Claudette''': He is always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.
:'''Lisa''': You're not dying, mom.
:'''Claudette''': I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
:'''Lisa''': Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': If you kept your girl satisfied, she wouldn't have come to me!
:'''Johnny''': Get out of my house. ''[attacks Mark]'' I'll kill you! I'll break every bone in your body! ''[gets stopped by party attendants]''
:'''Lisa''': STOP IT!
:'''Johnny''': I'll ''kill'' you, you bastard!
:'''Mark''': You couldn't kill me if you tried...
:'''Johnny''': You betrayed me! You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep! ''[Mark attacks him again]''
== Taglines ==
* Can you really trust anyone?
*...Are you ready to see reflections of your life?
== Cast ==
* [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]] - Johnny
* [[w:Greg Sestero|Greg Sestero]] - Mark
* Julliette Danielle - Lisa
* Robyn Paris - Michelle
* Carolyn Minnott - Claudette
* Phillip Haldiman - Denny
== External links ==
{{Sister project links|w=The Room (film)|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=Category:The Room (film)|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q533383|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [http://theroommovie.com/ Official Website]
* {{IMDb title|id=0368226|title=The Room}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|room|The Room}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Room, The}}
[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
luf0l85fgfqzbbgd9cgk8d146gf11no
3935012
3935009
2026-04-30T15:10:25Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* Johnny */
3935012
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:The Room movie logo.png|thumb|'''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!''']]
[[File:The Room Q&A at the Roxy Theatre.jpg|thumb|260px|You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-1.jpg|thumb|Oh hi, Mark.]]
[[File:Tommy Wiseau in 2017.png|thumb|If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-3 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-5.jpg|thumb| Anyway how is your sex life?]]
[[file:Tommy-Wiseau-4.jpg |thumb| Hahaha. What a story, Mark!]]
[[File:GregSestero (cropped).jpg|thumb|Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!]]
'''''[[w:The Room (film)|The Room]]''''' Provider: Shout! Studios is a [[w:2003 in film|2003]] [[w:Independent film|independent]] [[w:Romance film|romantic]] [[w:drama film|drama film]] primarily centered on the [[w:melodrama|melodrama]]tic [[w:love triangle|love triangle]] between an amiable banker, his fiancée, and his conflicted best friend. It is frequently cited as one of the [[w:List of films considered the worst|worst films ever made]]. Originally shown only in a limited number of California theaters, the film quickly developed a [[w:cult film|cult following]] as fans found humor in the film's bizarre storytelling and various technical and narrative flaws.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]].''
{{center|'''Can you ever really trust anyone?''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
== Johnny ==
* You are lying! I never hit you! '''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!'''
* ''[on his job at the bank]'' They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me, and I don't care anymore.
* ''[comes outside with a water bottle]'' I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! ''[throws the bottle on the ground in anger]'' I did ''not!'' Oh hi, Mark.
* Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!
* ''[to Lisa]'' Do you understand life?! ''Do you?!''
* Get out, get out, get out of my ''life''!
* Why, Lisa, why? Please talk to me! ''Pleeease!'' You are part of my life! You are ''everything!'' I cannot go on without you, Lisa!
* You can love someone deep inside your heart, and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.
* You know what they say, "Love is blind!"
* I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you, darling! ''[laughing]''
* Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all of my friends! Good thinking!
*Don’t touch me, motherfucker!
* God...forgive me. ''[kills himself]''
== Mark ==
* You don't understand anything, man. Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!
* Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
* As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth! That's a promise.
* Do you think girls like to cheat like guys do?
== Lisa ==
* She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?
* You think you're an angel... You're just like everybody else.
== Claudette ==
* Men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
== Peter ==
* People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.
== Others ==
* '''Steven''': I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!
* '''Chris R''': Five minutes?! You want ''five (bleep) minutes'', Denny?! You know what? ''[pulls out gun]'' I haven't got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!? ''['''Mark''': Silence!]''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Mark''': Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?
:'''Lisa''': How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': Denny, do you have something else to do?
:'''Denny''': I just like to watch you guys.
:'''Lisa''': Oh, Denny, Denny, Denny boy!
:'''Johnny''': Denny, two is great, but three's a crowd. Ha ha ha.
:'''Denny''': I get it. You guys wanna be alone.
:'''Johnny''': That's the idea.
:'''Denny''': Fine. I have homework anyway. Bye, love birds.
:'''Johnny''': Bye, Denny.
:'''Lisa''': Bye, Denny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
:'''Johnny''': In a few minutes, bitch.
:'''Lisa''': Who are you calling a bitch?!
:'''Johnny''': You and your stupid mother.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it… beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
:'''Johnny''': Hahaha. What a story, Mark!
:'''Mark''': Yeah, you can say that again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': Did you get your promotion?
:'''Johnny''': Nah.
:'''Lisa''': You didn't get it, did you?
:'''Johnny''': That son-of-a-bitch told me I will get it within three months. I saved them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I'll ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': The bank saves money and they are using me, and I am the fool.
:'''Lisa''': I still love you.
:'''Johnny''': You're the only one who does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steven''': When is the baby due?
:'''Lisa''': There is no baby.
:'''Steven and Michelle''': ''What?!''
:'''Steven''': ''[baffled]'' Wha—What are you talking about?!
:'''Lisa''': I told him that to make it interesting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': How was work today?
:'''Johnny''': Oh pretty good. We got a new client... at the bank. We make a lot of money.
:'''Mark''': What client?
:'''Johnny''': I cannot tell you, it's confidential.
:'''Mark''': Oh come on. Why not?
:'''Johnny''': No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Denny''': So what sort of movie are we gonna see?
:'''Johnny''': Well, we'll see... Denny, don't plan too much. It may not come out right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claudette''': Oh! That jerk, Harold! He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me! He has no right! I’m not giving him a penny! Who does he think he is?
:'''Lisa''': He's your brother.
:'''Claudette''': He is always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.
:'''Lisa''': You're not dying, mom.
:'''Claudette''': I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
:'''Lisa''': Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': If you kept your girl satisfied, she wouldn't have come to me!
:'''Johnny''': Get out of my house. ''[attacks Mark]'' I'll kill you! I'll break every bone in your body! ''[gets stopped by party attendants]''
:'''Lisa''': STOP IT!
:'''Johnny''': I'll ''kill'' you, you bastard!
:'''Mark''': You couldn't kill me if you tried...
:'''Johnny''': You betrayed me! You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep! ''[Mark attacks him again]''
== Taglines ==
* Can you really trust anyone?
*...Are you ready to see reflections of your life?
== Cast ==
* [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]] - Johnny
* [[w:Greg Sestero|Greg Sestero]] - Mark
* Julliette Danielle - Lisa
* Robyn Paris - Michelle
* Carolyn Minnott - Claudette
* Phillip Haldiman - Denny
== External links ==
{{Sister project links|w=The Room (film)|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=Category:The Room (film)|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q533383|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [http://theroommovie.com/ Official Website]
* {{IMDb title|id=0368226|title=The Room}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|room|The Room}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Room, The}}
[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
gwuysz0k14y8iljtg076ry658sm6bhv
3935014
3935012
2026-04-30T15:12:05Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* Johnny */
3935014
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:The Room movie logo.png|thumb|'''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!''']]
[[File:The Room Q&A at the Roxy Theatre.jpg|thumb|260px|You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-1.jpg|thumb|Oh hi, Mark.]]
[[File:Tommy Wiseau in 2017.png|thumb|If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-3 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-5.jpg|thumb| Anyway how is your sex life?]]
[[file:Tommy-Wiseau-4.jpg |thumb| Hahaha. What a story, Mark!]]
[[File:GregSestero (cropped).jpg|thumb|Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!]]
'''''[[w:The Room (film)|The Room]]''''' Provider: Shout! Studios is a [[w:2003 in film|2003]] [[w:Independent film|independent]] [[w:Romance film|romantic]] [[w:drama film|drama film]] primarily centered on the [[w:melodrama|melodrama]]tic [[w:love triangle|love triangle]] between an amiable banker, his fiancée, and his conflicted best friend. It is frequently cited as one of the [[w:List of films considered the worst|worst films ever made]]. Originally shown only in a limited number of California theaters, the film quickly developed a [[w:cult film|cult following]] as fans found humor in the film's bizarre storytelling and various technical and narrative flaws.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]].''
{{center|'''Can you ever really trust anyone?''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
== Johnny ==
* You are lying! I never hit you! '''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!'''
* ''[on his job at the bank]'' They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me, and I don't care anymore.
* ''[comes outside with a water bottle]'' I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! ''[throws the bottle on the ground in anger]'' I did ''not!'' Oh hi, Mark.
* Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!
* ''[to Lisa]'' Do you understand life?! ''Do you?!''
* Get out, get out, get out of my ''life''!
* Why, Lisa, why? Please talk to me! ''Pleeease!'' You are part of my life! You are ''everything!'' I cannot go on without you, Lisa!
* You can love someone deep inside your heart, and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.
* You know what they say, "Love is blind!"
* I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you, darling! ''[laughing]''
* Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all of my friends! Good thinking!
*Don’t touch me, motherfucker!
*AAAAUGH! WHY LISA? WHY? WHYYYY?!
* God...forgive me. ''[kills himself]''
== Mark ==
* You don't understand anything, man. Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!
* Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
* As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth! That's a promise.
* Do you think girls like to cheat like guys do?
== Lisa ==
* She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?
* You think you're an angel... You're just like everybody else.
== Claudette ==
* Men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
== Peter ==
* People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.
== Others ==
* '''Steven''': I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!
* '''Chris R''': Five minutes?! You want ''five (bleep) minutes'', Denny?! You know what? ''[pulls out gun]'' I haven't got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!? ''['''Mark''': Silence!]''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Mark''': Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?
:'''Lisa''': How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': Denny, do you have something else to do?
:'''Denny''': I just like to watch you guys.
:'''Lisa''': Oh, Denny, Denny, Denny boy!
:'''Johnny''': Denny, two is great, but three's a crowd. Ha ha ha.
:'''Denny''': I get it. You guys wanna be alone.
:'''Johnny''': That's the idea.
:'''Denny''': Fine. I have homework anyway. Bye, love birds.
:'''Johnny''': Bye, Denny.
:'''Lisa''': Bye, Denny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
:'''Johnny''': In a few minutes, bitch.
:'''Lisa''': Who are you calling a bitch?!
:'''Johnny''': You and your stupid mother.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it… beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
:'''Johnny''': Hahaha. What a story, Mark!
:'''Mark''': Yeah, you can say that again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': Did you get your promotion?
:'''Johnny''': Nah.
:'''Lisa''': You didn't get it, did you?
:'''Johnny''': That son-of-a-bitch told me I will get it within three months. I saved them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I'll ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': The bank saves money and they are using me, and I am the fool.
:'''Lisa''': I still love you.
:'''Johnny''': You're the only one who does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steven''': When is the baby due?
:'''Lisa''': There is no baby.
:'''Steven and Michelle''': ''What?!''
:'''Steven''': ''[baffled]'' Wha—What are you talking about?!
:'''Lisa''': I told him that to make it interesting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': How was work today?
:'''Johnny''': Oh pretty good. We got a new client... at the bank. We make a lot of money.
:'''Mark''': What client?
:'''Johnny''': I cannot tell you, it's confidential.
:'''Mark''': Oh come on. Why not?
:'''Johnny''': No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Denny''': So what sort of movie are we gonna see?
:'''Johnny''': Well, we'll see... Denny, don't plan too much. It may not come out right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claudette''': Oh! That jerk, Harold! He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me! He has no right! I’m not giving him a penny! Who does he think he is?
:'''Lisa''': He's your brother.
:'''Claudette''': He is always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.
:'''Lisa''': You're not dying, mom.
:'''Claudette''': I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
:'''Lisa''': Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': If you kept your girl satisfied, she wouldn't have come to me!
:'''Johnny''': Get out of my house. ''[attacks Mark]'' I'll kill you! I'll break every bone in your body! ''[gets stopped by party attendants]''
:'''Lisa''': STOP IT!
:'''Johnny''': I'll ''kill'' you, you bastard!
:'''Mark''': You couldn't kill me if you tried...
:'''Johnny''': You betrayed me! You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep! ''[Mark attacks him again]''
== Taglines ==
* Can you really trust anyone?
*...Are you ready to see reflections of your life?
== Cast ==
* [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]] - Johnny
* [[w:Greg Sestero|Greg Sestero]] - Mark
* Julliette Danielle - Lisa
* Robyn Paris - Michelle
* Carolyn Minnott - Claudette
* Phillip Haldiman - Denny
== External links ==
{{Sister project links|w=The Room (film)|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=Category:The Room (film)|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q533383|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [http://theroommovie.com/ Official Website]
* {{IMDb title|id=0368226|title=The Room}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|room|The Room}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Room, The}}
[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
nx5tjav37v6akqrluv92dnq2jsoud3l
3935017
3935014
2026-04-30T15:15:16Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* Johnny */
3935017
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:The Room movie logo.png|thumb|'''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!''']]
[[File:The Room Q&A at the Roxy Theatre.jpg|thumb|260px|You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-1.jpg|thumb|Oh hi, Mark.]]
[[File:Tommy Wiseau in 2017.png|thumb|If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-3 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-5.jpg|thumb| Anyway how is your sex life?]]
[[file:Tommy-Wiseau-4.jpg |thumb| Hahaha. What a story, Mark!]]
[[File:GregSestero (cropped).jpg|thumb|Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!]]
'''''[[w:The Room (film)|The Room]]''''' Provider: Shout! Studios is a [[w:2003 in film|2003]] [[w:Independent film|independent]] [[w:Romance film|romantic]] [[w:drama film|drama film]] primarily centered on the [[w:melodrama|melodrama]]tic [[w:love triangle|love triangle]] between an amiable banker, his fiancée, and his conflicted best friend. It is frequently cited as one of the [[w:List of films considered the worst|worst films ever made]]. Originally shown only in a limited number of California theaters, the film quickly developed a [[w:cult film|cult following]] as fans found humor in the film's bizarre storytelling and various technical and narrative flaws.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]].''
{{center|'''Can you ever really trust anyone?''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
== Johnny ==
* You are lying! I never hit you! '''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!'''
* ''[on his job at the bank]'' They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me, and I don't care anymore.
* ''[comes outside with a water bottle]'' I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! ''[throws the bottle on the ground in anger]'' I did ''not!'' Oh hi, Mark.
* Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!
* ''[to Lisa]'' Do you understand life?! ''Do you?!''
* Get out, get out, get out of my ''life''!
* Why, Lisa, why? Please talk to me! ''Pleeease!'' You are part of my life! You are ''everything!'' I cannot go on without you, Lisa!
* You can love someone deep inside your heart, and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.
* You know what they say, "Love is blind!"
* I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you, darling! ''[laughing]''
* Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all of my friends! Good thinking!
*Don’t touch me, motherfucker!
* God...forgive me. ''[kills himself]''
== Mark ==
* You don't understand anything, man. Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!
* Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
* As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth! That's a promise.
* Do you think girls like to cheat like guys do?
== Lisa ==
* She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?
* You think you're an angel... You're just like everybody else.
== Claudette ==
* Men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
== Peter ==
* People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.
== Others ==
* '''Steven''': I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!
* '''Chris R''': Five minutes?! You want ''five (bleep) minutes'', Denny?! You know what? ''[pulls out gun]'' I haven't got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!? ''['''Mark''': Silence!]''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Mark''': Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?
:'''Lisa''': How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': Denny, do you have something else to do?
:'''Denny''': I just like to watch you guys.
:'''Lisa''': Oh, Denny, Denny, Denny boy!
:'''Johnny''': Denny, two is great, but three's a crowd. Ha ha ha.
:'''Denny''': I get it. You guys wanna be alone.
:'''Johnny''': That's the idea.
:'''Denny''': Fine. I have homework anyway. Bye, love birds.
:'''Johnny''': Bye, Denny.
:'''Lisa''': Bye, Denny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
:'''Johnny''': In a few minutes, bitch.
:'''Lisa''': Who are you calling a bitch?!
:'''Johnny''': You and your stupid mother.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it… beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
:'''Johnny''': Hahaha. What a story, Mark!
:'''Mark''': Yeah, you can say that again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': Did you get your promotion?
:'''Johnny''': Nah.
:'''Lisa''': You didn't get it, did you?
:'''Johnny''': That son-of-a-bitch told me I will get it within three months. I saved them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I'll ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': The bank saves money and they are using me, and I am the fool.
:'''Lisa''': I still love you.
:'''Johnny''': You're the only one who does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steven''': When is the baby due?
:'''Lisa''': There is no baby.
:'''Steven and Michelle''': ''What?!''
:'''Steven''': ''[baffled]'' Wha—What are you talking about?!
:'''Lisa''': I told him that to make it interesting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': How was work today?
:'''Johnny''': Oh pretty good. We got a new client... at the bank. We make a lot of money.
:'''Mark''': What client?
:'''Johnny''': I cannot tell you, it's confidential.
:'''Mark''': Oh come on. Why not?
:'''Johnny''': No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Denny''': So what sort of movie are we gonna see?
:'''Johnny''': Well, we'll see... Denny, don't plan too much. It may not come out right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claudette''': Oh! That jerk, Harold! He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me! He has no right! I’m not giving him a penny! Who does he think he is?
:'''Lisa''': He's your brother.
:'''Claudette''': He is always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.
:'''Lisa''': You're not dying, mom.
:'''Claudette''': I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
:'''Lisa''': Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': If you kept your girl satisfied, she wouldn't have come to me!
:'''Johnny''': Get out of my house. ''[attacks Mark]'' I'll kill you! I'll break every bone in your body! ''[gets stopped by party attendants]''
:'''Lisa''': STOP IT!
:'''Johnny''': I'll ''kill'' you, you bastard!
:'''Mark''': You couldn't kill me if you tried...
:'''Johnny''': You betrayed me! You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep! ''[Mark attacks him again]''
== Taglines ==
* Can you really trust anyone?
*...Are you ready to see reflections of your life?
== Cast ==
* [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]] - Johnny
* [[w:Greg Sestero|Greg Sestero]] - Mark
* Julliette Danielle - Lisa
* Robyn Paris - Michelle
* Carolyn Minnott - Claudette
* Phillip Haldiman - Denny
== External links ==
{{Sister project links|w=The Room (film)|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=Category:The Room (film)|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q533383|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [http://theroommovie.com/ Official Website]
* {{IMDb title|id=0368226|title=The Room}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|room|The Room}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Room, The}}
[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
gwuysz0k14y8iljtg076ry658sm6bhv
3935022
3935017
2026-04-30T15:21:09Z
UDScott
4304
3935022
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:The Room movie logo.png|thumb|'''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!''']]
[[File:The Room Q&A at the Roxy Theatre.jpg|thumb|260px|You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-1.jpg|thumb|Oh hi, Mark.]]
[[File:Tommy Wiseau in 2017.png|thumb|If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-3 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!]]
[[File:Tommy-Wiseau-5.jpg|thumb| Anyway how is your sex life?]]
[[file:Tommy-Wiseau-4.jpg |thumb| Hahaha. What a story, Mark!]]
[[File:GregSestero (cropped).jpg|thumb|Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!]]
'''''[[w:The Room (film)|The Room]]''''' is a [[w:2003 in film|2003]] [[w:Independent film|independent]] [[w:Romance film|romantic]] [[w:drama film|drama film]] primarily centered on the [[w:melodrama|melodrama]]tic [[w:love triangle|love triangle]] between an amiable banker, his fiancée, and his conflicted best friend. It is frequently cited as one of the [[w:List of films considered the worst|worst films ever made]]. Originally shown only in a limited number of California theaters, the film quickly developed a [[w:cult film|cult following]] as fans found humor in the film's bizarre storytelling and various technical and narrative flaws.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]].''
{{center|'''Can you ever really trust anyone?''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
== Johnny ==
* You are lying! I never hit you! '''YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!'''
* ''[on his job at the bank]'' They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me, and I don't care anymore.
* ''[comes outside with a water bottle]'' I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her! ''[throws the bottle on the ground in anger]'' I did ''not!'' Oh hi, Mark.
* Everybody betray me! I ''fed up'' with this world!
* ''[to Lisa]'' Do you understand life?! ''Do you?!''
* Get out, get out, get out of my ''life''!
* Why, Lisa, why? Please talk to me! ''Pleeease!'' You are part of my life! You are ''everything!'' I cannot go on without you, Lisa!
* You can love someone deep inside your heart, and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of people love each other, the world would be a better place to live.
* You know what they say, "Love is blind!"
* I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you, darling! ''[laughing]''
* Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party. You invited all of my friends! Good thinking!
*Don’t touch me, motherfucker!
* God...forgive me. ''[kills himself]''
== Mark ==
* You don't understand anything, man. Leave your ''stupid'' comments in your pocket!
* Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.
* As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth! That's a promise.
* Do you think girls like to cheat like guys do?
== Lisa ==
* She's a stupid bitch. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?
* You think you're an angel... You're just like everybody else.
== Claudette ==
* Men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time, there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.
== Peter ==
* People are people. Sometimes they just can't see their own faults.
== Others ==
* '''Steven''': I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off!
* '''Chris R''': Five minutes?! You want ''five (bleep) minutes'', Denny?! You know what? ''[pulls out gun]'' I haven't got FIVE FUCKIN' MINUTES!? ''['''Mark''': Silence!]''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Mark''': Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?
:'''Lisa''': How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': Denny, do you have something else to do?
:'''Denny''': I just like to watch you guys.
:'''Lisa''': Oh, Denny, Denny, Denny boy!
:'''Johnny''': Denny, two is great, but three's a crowd. Ha ha ha.
:'''Denny''': I get it. You guys wanna be alone.
:'''Johnny''': That's the idea.
:'''Denny''': Fine. I have homework anyway. Bye, love birds.
:'''Johnny''': Bye, Denny.
:'''Lisa''': Bye, Denny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
:'''Johnny''': In a few minutes, bitch.
:'''Lisa''': Who are you calling a bitch?!
:'''Johnny''': You and your stupid mother.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it… beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.
:'''Johnny''': Hahaha. What a story, Mark!
:'''Mark''': Yeah, you can say that again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lisa''': Did you get your promotion?
:'''Johnny''': Nah.
:'''Lisa''': You didn't get it, did you?
:'''Johnny''': That son-of-a-bitch told me I will get it within three months. I saved them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I'll ever get it. They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Johnny''': The bank saves money and they are using me, and I am the fool.
:'''Lisa''': I still love you.
:'''Johnny''': You're the only one who does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steven''': When is the baby due?
:'''Lisa''': There is no baby.
:'''Steven and Michelle''': ''What?!''
:'''Steven''': ''[baffled]'' Wha—What are you talking about?!
:'''Lisa''': I told him that to make it interesting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': How was work today?
:'''Johnny''': Oh pretty good. We got a new client... at the bank. We make a lot of money.
:'''Mark''': What client?
:'''Johnny''': I cannot tell you, it's confidential.
:'''Mark''': Oh come on. Why not?
:'''Johnny''': No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Denny''': So what sort of movie are we gonna see?
:'''Johnny''': Well, we'll see... Denny, don't plan too much. It may not come out right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claudette''': Oh! That jerk, Harold! He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me! He has no right! I’m not giving him a penny! Who does he think he is?
:'''Lisa''': He's your brother.
:'''Claudette''': He is always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.
:'''Lisa''': You're not dying, mom.
:'''Claudette''': I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
:'''Lisa''': Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mark''': If you kept your girl satisfied, she wouldn't have come to me!
:'''Johnny''': Get out of my house. ''[attacks Mark]'' I'll kill you! I'll break every bone in your body! ''[gets stopped by party attendants]''
:'''Lisa''': STOP IT!
:'''Johnny''': I'll ''kill'' you, you bastard!
:'''Mark''': You couldn't kill me if you tried...
:'''Johnny''': You betrayed me! You're not good, you... you're just a chicken! Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep! ''[Mark attacks him again]''
== Taglines ==
* Can you really trust anyone?
*...Are you ready to see reflections of your life?
== Cast ==
* [[w:Tommy Wiseau|Tommy Wiseau]] - Johnny
* [[w:Greg Sestero|Greg Sestero]] - Mark
* Julliette Danielle - Lisa
* Robyn Paris - Michelle
* Carolyn Minnott - Claudette
* Phillip Haldiman - Denny
== External links ==
{{Sister project links|w=The Room (film)|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=Category:The Room (film)|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q533383|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [http://theroommovie.com/ Official Website]
* {{IMDb title|id=0368226|title=The Room}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|room|The Room}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Room, The}}
[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
3t80qw9nraf5lorjqm7grxzcfdngzvq
Casper (film)
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113017
3935197
3893890
2026-05-01T00:12:49Z
~2026-26496-52
3315144
3935197
wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''''[[w:Casper (film)|Casper]]''''' is a [[w:1995 in film|1995]] [[American]]/[[British]] supernatural [[w:fantasy film|fantasy]] [[w:comedy horror film|comedy horror film]] starring [[w:Christina Ricci|Christina Ricci]] and [[w:Bill Pullman|Bill Pullman]] in [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] and [[w:Universal Pictures|Universal Pictures]] is character [[w:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper the Friendly Ghost]]. The ghosts featured in the film were created through [[w:computer-generated imagery|computer-generated imagery]].
==Fred Rogers==
* Did you ever feel the way Priscilla Cow felt that you did like to be completely different?<br>Almost everybody feels like that once in a while. But, most of the time I hope you can be glad to be yourself. ''That's really something to celebrate''.
==Terry Murphy==
* More on the Pentagon playboys as the story unfolds. But, right now... step aside, Sigmund Froyd, Jump back, Joyce Brothers, It's Dr. James Harvey.
==Casper==
* Hi! I'm Casper!
* There's a girl...on my bed...''Yes!''
* ''[to Kat]'' Can I keep you?
* Well, can he do this? ''[imitates Arnold Schwarzenegger]'' Come with me if you want to live.
* ''[dances with Kat in his moment of being alive]'' I told you I was a good dancer.
* If you scream, you'll wake my uncles, who get angry.
* ''[After he changes back into a ghost in front of Kat's classmates]'' Uh.. ''[Chuckles sheepishly]'' ...boo?
==Kathleen "Kat" Harvey==
* ''[to her father]'' You're not gonna find her. Mom's not a ghost, Dad.
* ''[Dr. Harvey carries her out of the room after seeing Casper]'' I can walk, you know.
==Dr. James Harvey==
* You can call them ghosts, if you'd like, or as I like to call them, "the living-impaired".
==Dialogue==
:''[The sun falls slowly toward the horizon, turning the heavens dark orange and casting strange shadows on the ground. High into the dusk rises Whipstaff Manor. A tall, eerie-looking mansion, Whipstaff stands at the sharp edge of a sharp cliff face overlooking the churning sea]''
:''[A pair of twin boys skid their bicycles to a stop in front of the mansion]''
:'''Nicky''': Ready?
:'''Andreas''': You go first.
:'''Nicky''': Why should I go first?
:'''Andreas''': You want everyone at school to think we're chicken? C'mon. ''[Nicky follows him under the fence]''
:''[They push open the creaky front door. Nicky turns on his flashlight and the beam of light scans the entryway. The boys are amazed at just how big––and weird––the house is]''
:'''Andreas''': You see, there's nothing here.
:'''Nicky''': Let's just take the picture and get out of here.
:'''Andreas''': Well, fine, take the picture.
:'''Nicky''': Hey, wait! I wanna be in the picture too, or no one believes I was here. ''[He pouts]''
:'''Andreas''': Just shut up and take the picture! ''[Feeling left out, he suddenly wants to leave]''
:'''Nicky''': No, you take it.
:'''Andreas''': No, you!!!
:''[Out of nowhere comes a voice]''
:'''Casper''': Guys, guys, don't fight. I'll take the picture. ''[But before the boys can move, the camera slips out of Nicky's hand and floats]'' Say cheese!
:''[As the flash goes off, it suddenly dawns on the boys]''
:'''Boys''': '''''A GHOST!!!!!!!!! Let's go!'''''
:''[Hard evil flashlight falls in the tower hill at once]''
:''[picture flats]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mr. Rugg''': ''[reading Mr. Crittenden's will]'' "To the Save the Dolphins Foundation: $11 million. To the Save The Pumas Foundation: $1.2 million. To the Padigonian Wasps Salvation Fund: $1.4 million. To The Dyslexic Dalmatians Foundation..."
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': To hell with the livestock. What did the old stiff leave me?
:'''Dibs''': ''[clears throat]'' Um, I believe that what the bereaved is trying to express is that the, um, sudden death of her only father has left a great gaping void in her bank-- in her ''life'', and err, Carrigan wonders what he has left her to fill it up with.
:'''Mr. Rugg''': Hmm. Let's see. Bobcats, owls, snakes... daughter, Carrigan: Whipstaff Manor in Maine.
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': ... And?
:'''Mr. Rugg''': And I'm late for lunch, so if you'll excuse me...
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': Are you telling me that I spent the last two days holding his clammy hand, waiting for him to kick, and all I get in return is one lousy piece of property?!
:'''Mr. Rugg''': No, it was lousy fifty years ago. Now it's condemned. Enjoy. ''[gives her the will]''
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': Wait a minute. This is not fair! I'll protest! I'm gonna drag you and every one of those damn dolphins into court!
:'''Mr. Rugg''': Knock yourself out.
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': Dibs! This is all your fault, as usual. If you would have just forged the damn will.
:'''Dibs''': Hey you know Carrigan, this is condemned seafront property.
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': Oh, Dibs! Don't you get it? Flipper got more money than me.
:'''Dibs''': Carrigan, the deed's in there! Oh! Ouch! Ow. Ouch! Buccaneers and buried gold. Whipstaff doth a treasure hold.
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': Treasure? Dibs, you idiot. Get it out!" I knew that place was worth something. There's treasure in that house. And finally, I'm gonna get what I deserve.
:'''Dibs''': Carrigan, I think I need a doctor.
:'''Carrigan Crittenden''': Oh, there's plenty in Maine.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Fatso''': I feel like Oprah is on hiatus.
:'''Stretch''': You ''look'' like Oprah on hiatus.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Kat''': What's it like to die?
:'''Casper''': Like being born, but backwards.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Kat''': Casper, I have a date!
:'''Casper''': Aw, come on, what does this Vic have that I don't?
:'''Kat''': A pulse.
:'''Casper''': Big, fleshy deal.
:'''Kat''': A tan.
:'''Casper''': Very bad for your skin.
:'''Kat''': How about a ''reflection?''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Casper''': Hey, that's my treasure!
:'''Dibs''': Stay back! Keep away from me.
:'''Kat''': Casper!
:'''Dibs''': Don't come near me, you spiteful spook, or I'll knock you into the next world.
:'''Kat''': Come on. Let's go.
:'''Carrigan''': Ta-da! Hey, "poppin' fresh," it's my turn in the oven! DIBS! Get this thing cooking, you blasted little worm, you!
:'''Dibs''': Ah, Carrigan! How kind of you to drop in. You know, if there's one thing I've learned from you, it's always kick 'em when they're down. And baby, you're six feet under! Oh, what a shame! ''[grabs the vial]'' Sorry, sweetheart. We're through.
:'''Carrigan''': ''[gasps]'' I am not gonna forget this, you ungrateful, lousy little worm, you!
:'''Dibs''': ''[chuckles]'' You can haunt me all you want, but it's gonna be in a great big expensive house with lovely purple wallpaper, and great big green carpets, and a little dog called Carrigan... a ''bitch'', just like you! I got the power! I got the treasure!
:'''Carrigan''': And you have a flight to catch!
:'''Dibs''': Huh?
:''[Carrigan flings him out the window]''
:'''Carrigan''': ''[turns to Kat and Casper, calmly]'' Any other takers?
:'''Casper''': No. But aren't you forgetting something?
:'''Carrigan''': What?
:'''Casper''': Your unfinished business.
:'''Carrigan''': My what?
:'''Kat''': You know, unfinished business. All ghosts have unfinished business. That's why they don't cross over.
:'''Carrigan''': Unfinished business? I have no unfinished business! I have my treasure, my mansion. I have everything. I'm just perfect! ''[laughs maniacally until a flash of light pierces through her as a sign that she is crossing over]'' Wait! Wait! I lied! I ''have'' unfinished business! Lots of unfinished business! ''[as more flashes of light appear]'' I'm not ready to cross over yet! WAIT! YOU TRICKED ME, YOU ROTTEN LITTLE BRATS! ''[screams and disappears]''
<hr width=50%>
:''[Last lines]''
:( ''clock chiming'' )
:'''James''': Wait. Where are you going?
:'''Amelia''': I can watch over both of you until we're together again. Good-bye, James.
:'''James''': Good-bye, Amelia.
:'''Kat''': Casper?
:''[all gasps]''
:'''Casper''': ''[laughs nervously]'' Boo?
( ''all the children yelling, shouting, screaming at once'' )
:''[The partygoers flee from the house upon seeing Casper]''
:'''Kat''': Not bad for my first party, huh?
:'''Casper''': Couldn't have been better.
:'''Dr. Harvey''': It ain't over yet. Boys!
:''[The Ghostly Trio perform the Little Richard Style of Casper's theme song]''
== About ''{{PAGENAME}}'' ==
* It's huge in scope, but still, the relationship with Christina and Casper is the thing I'm fondest of. And those are the moments I'm proudest of, because they have a sense of heart.
* If you look at the movie, you're ultimately dealing with a lot of death issues. Everybody's dealing with death. They're longing for people who have passed on, people are dying in the movie. Hopefully we do it without becoming maudlin. . . .
:I think that if you've got a youngster under 10 coming in, one of two things will happen. (The issue) will either whiz right by them or, interestingly enough, they may have some questions when they walk out of the theater. 'What was that?'
: The implications of the things we're delving into are both wonderful and tricky. It's very tricky.
: "I understand how he sees that", she says. But really, that's what this movie is - it's about the ghosts. It's a vehicle for these new kind of visual effects. That was basically what we were supposed to do: The real actors were only meant to enhance the performance of the ghosts.
:* Brad Silberling [http://articles.philly.com/1995-05-21/entertainment/25672864_1_stinkie-casper-ghostly-trio]
* We could only get seven shots a week because the processing power needed to render multiple-image ghosts is humongous.
:* Colin Wilson [http://articles.philly.com/1995-05-21/entertainment/25672864_1_stinkie-casper-ghostly-trio]
==Taglines==
* Who says there's no such thing as ghosts?
* The afterlife of the party
* The haunt is on
* Something unbelievable is in the air
* Who did his hair?
* Appearing Soon
* No inhibitions. No limits. No table manners. No sheets.
* Comin' at Ya!
* Who's afraid of ghosts?
* Catch the spirit of the 90s
* Home is where the haunt is
* And you thought your family was scary
* You ain't screamed nothin' yet!
* Casper's in the house
* He's the life of the afterlife
* He's ready for ghoul and unusual punishment!
* Let the haunt begin
* Sometimes all you need is a little spirit
* Get An Afterlife
* Seeing is believing
* No such thing as ghosts?
* Haunting Season Opens May 26th
==Cast==
*'''[[w:Erik von Detten|Erik von Detten]]''' — Voice of [[w:Casper the Friendly Ghost|Casper]]
*'''[[w:Christina Ricci|Christina Ricci]]''' — Kathleen "Kat" Harvey
*'''[[w:Bill Pullman|Bill Pullman]]''' — Dr. James Harvey
*'''[[w:Cathy Moriarty|Cathy Moriarty]]''' — Catherine "Karen" Carrigan Crittenden
*'''[[Eric Idle]]''' — "Dibs" Paul Plutzker
*'''Joe Nipote''' — Voice of [[w:Ghostly Trio|Stretch]]
*'''[[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]]''' — Voice of [[w:Ghostly Trio|Stinkie]]
*'''[[Brad Garrett]]''' — Voice of [[w:Ghostly Trio|Fatso]]
*'''[[w:Garette Ratliff Henson|Garette Ratliff Henson]]''' — Victor "Vic" DePhillippi
*'''[[w:Jessica Wesson|Jessica Wesson]]''' — Amber Whitmire
*'''[[w:Amy Brenneman|Amy Brenneman]]''' — Amelia Harvey
*'''[[w:Brock Winkless|Brock Winkless]] <small>(puppeteer)</small><br>[[w:John Kassir|John Kassir]] <small>(voice)</small>''' — The Crypt Keeper
==Cameos==
*'''[[w:Fred Rodgers|Fred Rogers]]''' (archive footage) - Mister Rogers from ''Mister Rogers' Neighborhood''
*'''[[w:Terry Murphy|Terry Murphy]]''' - [[w:Hard Copy (TV program)|Hard Copy (TV program)]]
==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
[[Category:1995 films]]
[[Category:1990s British films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Haunted house films]]
[[Category:Live-action films based on animated series]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Halloween films]]
[[Category:Films set in Maine]]
[[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships]]
[[Category:Films about child death]]
[[Category:Films set in country houses]]
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== Defamatory categories like Islamophobes added ==
[[q:Category:Islamophobes]] has been added recently and dozens of people have been tagged as Islamophobes, which is clearly potentially defamatory. The article links to [[w:Category:Islamophobia]], which has a very different meaning, although a similiar word. That WP cat `Islamophobia` clearly states "It '''must not''' include articles about individuals, groups or media that are allegedly Islamophobic." I guess the same thing applies here?
Pretty sure this category should be deleted. The same user has also created other categories which I haven't looked at but you may want to, e.g. `Religious discrimination`. Perhaps you need to lock down category creation? [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 16:25, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
:Agreed on deletion. I don't know that we need a site-wide policy about category creation. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''vf</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 16:26, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
::Agree that this is problematic - but I wouldn't just delete them. The people now in this category used to be in the acceptable category of <nowiki>[[Category:Critics of Islam]]</nowiki> (which I think is fine) - the changes should be reverted first, and then delete the new category. There's quite a difference between one who is a critic of Islam versus someone who is an Islamophobe. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 18:26, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
:::Yes. I agree the existing category was fine. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 18:57, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
::::ok I have been through them and undone the changes by @[[User:EarthDude|EarthDude]]. VFD issues on Category. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 13:30, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::I agree that there is a major difference between a critic of Islam and an Islamophobe, which is the main reason why I created this cat. We can't conflate the two of them. — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 14:29, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:How is this any different from [[q:Category:Antisemites]], [[q:Category:White supremacists]], or [[q:Category:Fascists]]? If something is widely accepted by reliable sourcing and has content related to it, I struggle to see how it would be considered defamatory. If calling someone an Islamophobe is defamatory, inspite of support from reliable sourcing, then we should also delete [[q:Category:Antisemites]] and other similar cats. We need to have a consistent standard. I tried my best to only include articles within the cat, for whom the widespread mainstream acceptance is that they are anti-Muslim in a racist and discriminatory sense rather than merely a critical sense. If you believe some entries don't reach that threshold, I don't mind their removal, and we can further discuss specific entries and the like specifically, but I strongly oppose the deletion of this cat. Locking category creation entirely is also quite an extreme response here. — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 14:10, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::For me, I don't necessarily disagree with your premise - but it appeared that everyone in the Critics of Islam category had been moved over to this new category (and just skimming through I saw at least a few people for which that label seemed to be extreme). I would suggest a very careful look at each individual to ensure that the proper category is applied (rather than just moving all from one category to the other). And since this recategorization has now been questioned, perhaps it would also be better to continue discussion a bit to gain some consensus before making further moves. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:42, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::I didn't move everyone from the Critics cat to the Islamophobe cat. After I was done with that work, quite a lot of articles still remained in the Critics cat. I had tried to be careful when I created the Islamophobe cat, but I am happy to discuss specific articles and whether or not they are appropriate in it. However, again, deleting it altogether is something I oppose. — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 14:47, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::::It's a very subjective thing though. Unless there is an authoritative quote from the person using the term in relation to themselves or something synonymous then it seems a can of worms to me and an accusation that many mainstream politicians for example might contest. How did you decide, was it your opinion on the person, as was it based entirely on the collection of quotes? Morrissey was one I looked at I actually added a quote indirectly about Islam because he didn't like slaughtering animals. I couldn't see anything which pinned him down as a confirmed self confessed Islamaphobe. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 15:37, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::That is a very good point - and where my initial reluctance about this arose. Applying such a category should be extremely limited and only where it is a clear case. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:58, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::Hmm. What about having the threshold be subjects whose enwiki articles call them Islamophobic in wikivoice and who have quotes related to Islam or Muslims? — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 17:12, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::::What enwiki articles call someone islamophobic in Wikivoice? That violates the enwiki manual of style. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 20:49, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::::Oh, I was just proposing an idea for a strong standard for inclusion in the category. If not that, then what about figures for whom there is some sort of academic consensus that they are Islamophobic and again, who have quotes related to Islam or Muslims. — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 05:33, 20 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::::::Now that the VfD has closed and the category has been kept, we do need to come up with a standard for inclusion. What do editors think of the one I've proposed above? Pinging: @[[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] @[[User:Koavf|Koavf]] @[[User:UDScott|UDScott]] @[[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 17:49, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::::::If there are quotes from an authoritative source and they are included in the WQ page, it's always going to be subjective to a degree and quotes can always be found to prove just about anything for public figures who might have massivce amounts of material in the public domain, but can't see what else you could go on. Obviously users other than yourself could add anyone at any time, and not even know this discussion has ever taken place. So I am not sure how the category will be monitored. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 20:25, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
::::::::::The cfd was no consensus. I oppose anyone being added. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 00:22, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::::::Fyi, this would also include figures who have self-identified as Islamophobes, such as the aforementioned [[Laura Loomer]]. — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 17:51, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
::People self-describe as fascists or national socialists. Fascism and National Socialism are specific ideologies. Not the same. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 20:48, 14 April 2026 (UTC)
:::In all fairness, we shouldn't have [[:Category:Antisemites]] either. Enwiki deleted that long ago. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 23:17, 15 April 2026 (UTC)
::::Well, enwiki never had a category for antisemites. From what I can find, the cat that was deleted was [[w:Wikipedia:Categories for discussion/Log/2007 October 3#Category:Notable or notorious antisemites|Category:Notable or notorious antisemites]]. I have linked the discussion here. The nominator's rationale for deleting that specific cat was "POV title, this will become merely a place for people to argue as to who or what is "notable" or "notorious"" and many in the discussion proposed renaming it to "Category:Antisemites". So the reason it was deleted is different from why this current VfD is open.<br /><br />Also, there have been figures like [[Laura Loomer]] who have explicitly identified themselves as Islamophobes.[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election/laura-loomer-islamophobe-republican-primary-florida-a9677066.html] — [[User:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: darkviolet">'''EarthDude'''</span>]] ([[User talk:EarthDude|<span style="font-family: Courier; color: black">'''Talk'''</span>]]) 05:41, 20 April 2026 (UTC)
:::::There was an entire RfC that prohibited putting people in any of the antisemitism categories. This is what I am referring to. It is still subjective; enwiki's subjectivecat guideline is the relevant idea. [[User:PARAKANYAA|PARAKANYAA]] ([[User talk:PARAKANYAA|talk]]) 05:48, 20 April 2026 (UTC)
== [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship/Archives]] ==
I created that archive index, because currently on [[Wikiquote:Requests for adminship#Past discussions]], clicking on the yearly archives can be too long to scroll down, especially on mobile devices. This is based on Meta-Wiki's RFA archive index. [[User:Codename Noreste|<span style="color:#0024FF">Codename Noreste</span>]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:53, 15 April 2026 (UTC)
:Thanks. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (<span style="color:grey">ko'''a'''vf</span>)]]<span style="color:red">❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯</span> 19:27, 23 April 2026 (UTC)
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[[File:Craigventer2.jpg|thumb|right]]
'''[[w:Craig Venter|John Craig Venter]]''' ([[October 14]], [[1946]] – [[April 29]], [[2026]]) was an American biologist and entrepreneur, most famous for his role in being one of the first to sequence the human genome and for his role in creating the first artificial life form in 2010.
{{scientist-stub}}
== Sourced ==
* '''Moving forward in science is as much unwinding the distorted thinking of the past as it is putting a clearer idea on the table.'''
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E25jgPgmzk#t=36m30s "The Genius of Charles Darwin: The Uncut Interviews - Richard Dawkins" (36:30)]
* '''I think from my experience in war and life and science, it all has made me believe that we have one life on this planet. We have one chance to live it and to contribute to the future of society and the future of life. The only "afterlife" is what other people remember of you.'''
** [http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/06/10/DD861808G2.DTL San Francisco Chronicle]
* I could trace own [[w:Expressed sequence tag|EST]] brainwave to a flight back from a trip to Japan. But, of course, great ideas are often simultaneously conceived by several people who have responded in a similar way to the climate of thinking, and it can be hard to pin down when and precisely how a flash of inspiration is born. [[w:Nathan O. Kaplan|Kaplan]] had taught me that good ideas are a dime of dozen for a smart person, and the only thing that distinguishes good from great is in how an idea is executed—how it becomes reality. Scientific history is littered with stories of one person having an idea but not following through on it only to see another have a similar inspiration and then prove it to be valid.
** [http://books.google.com/books/about/A_Life_Decoded.html?id=jx9JsHry1PgC&pg=PA129 ''A Life Decoded'' by Craig Venter, p. 129]
* At the hearing I not only described the EST method and the rapid rate of human gene discovery but also voiced by concerns about NIH's patent efforts, a subject I was glad to get out in the open. The room went quiet as many were startled by this discovery and then Watson suddenly shouted that it was "sheer lunacy" to file such patents, adding that "virtually any monkey" could use the EST method and that he was "horrified." As Cook-Deegan, a Duke University genome discussant, described the event, "Watson was lying in wait and took aim with heavy artillery." Cook-Deegan, who was Watson's assistant at the time, told me later that Watson had practiced the lines for a week prior to the hearing.
** [http://books.google.com/books/about/A_Life_Decoded.html?id=jx9JsHry1PgC&pg=PA135 ''A Life Decoded'' by Craig Venter, p. 135]
* '''Tenure actually delivers a doubly whammy to the organizations that endure this outmoded arrangement.''' The second-rate people who thrive in a tenured environment like nothing more than to surround themselves with more mediocrity and drive out those who might excel and reveal the shortcomings of the entrenched.
** [http://books.google.com/books/about/A_Life_Decoded.html?id=jx9JsHry1PgC&pg=PA165 ''A Life Decoded'' by Craig Venter, pp. 165–166]
*Dottor Venter, lei crede in Dio? «È da anni che sequenzio genomi e mi sono fatto un'idea: non è opera umana».
:*'''Interviewer'''Dr Venter, do you believe in God? '''Dr Venter''': I've been sequencing genomes for years, and I've come to the conclusion that it's not the work of humans.
:** Quoted in Luigi Ripamonti, [https://www.corriere.it/salute/26_aprile_30/craig-venter-e-da-anni-che-sequenzio-genomi-e-mi-sono-fatto-un-idea-non-e-opera-umana-5540cb85-af99-447e-9157-9e16a330cxlk.shtml Craig Venter: «È da anni che sequenzio genomi e mi sono fatto un' idea: non è opera umana»]'', ''Corriere della Sera'', 30 April 2026.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Venter, Craig}}
[[Category:1946 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:Biologists from the United States]]
[[Category:Geneticists]]
[[Category:People from Utah]]
[[Category:People from Salt Lake City]]
[[Category:National Medal of Science laureates]]
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Adventure Time
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:'''Seasons:''' [[Adventure Time (season 1)|1]] [[Adventure Time (season 2)|2]] [[Adventure Time (season 3)|3]] [[Adventure Time (season 4)|4]] [[Adventure Time (season 5)|5]] [[Adventure Time (season 6)|6]] [[Adventure Time (season 7)|7]] [[Adventure Time (season 8)|8]] [[Adventure Time (season 9)|9]] [[Adventure Time (season 10)|10]] | [[Adventure Time: Distant Lands|Distant Lands]] | [[Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake|Fionna and Cake]] | [[Adventure Time|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Adventure Time|Adventure Time with Finn, Jake & BMO]]''''' (2010-2018), otherwise known as '''''Adventure Time with Finn & Jake''''' or simply '''''Adventure Time''''', is an American animated television series on Cartoon Network. The series follows the adventures of a boy named Finn (voiced by Jeremy Shada) and his best friends and adoptive brothers Jake (voiced by John DiMaggio) — a dog — and BMO (voiced by Niki Yang) — a game system — with magitechnological powers to change their shapes and sizes at their wills.
==Pilot (2008)==
{{Main|Adventure Time (short film)}}
== Seasons ==
::[[Adventure Time (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 5)|Season 5]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 6)|Season 6]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 7)|Season 7]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 8)|Season 8]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 9)|Season 9]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 10)|Season 10]]
== Specials ==
::[[Adventure Time: Distant Lands]]
== Spin-off ==
::[[Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake]]
== Catchphrases ==
:'''Finn''': Mathematical!
== Cast ==
* [[w:Jeremy Shada|Jeremy Shada]] – Finn the Human
* [[John DiMaggio]] – Jake the Dog
* [[w:Hynden Walch|Hynden Walch]] – Princess Bubblegum
* [[w:Niki Yang|Niki Yang]] – BMO/Lady Rainicorn
* [[Tom Kenny]] – Ice King
* [[w:Olivia Olson|Olivia Olson]] – Marceline the Vampire Queen
* [[w:Pendelton Ward|Pendelton Ward]] – Lumpy Space Princess
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] – Cinnamon Bun
* Polly Lou Livingston – Tree Trunks
* [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] – Earl of Lemongrab
* [[w:Jessica DiCicco|Jessica DiCicco]] – Flame Princess
* [[w:Maria Bamford|Maria Bamford]] – Others
== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|1305826|Adventure Time}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Adventure Time]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Post-apocalyptic animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about brothers]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]]
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----
:'''Seasons:''' [[Adventure Time (season 1)|1]] [[Adventure Time (season 2)|2]] [[Adventure Time (season 3)|3]] [[Adventure Time (season 4)|4]] [[Adventure Time (season 5)|5]] [[Adventure Time (season 6)|6]] [[Adventure Time (season 7)|7]] [[Adventure Time (season 8)|8]] [[Adventure Time (season 9)|9]] [[Adventure Time (season 10)|10]] | [[Adventure Time: Distant Lands|Distant Lands]] | [[Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake|Fionna and Cake]] | [[Adventure Time|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Adventure Time|Adventure Time with Finn, Jake & BMO]]''''' (2010-2018), otherwise known as '''''Adventure Time with Finn & Jake''''' or simply '''''Adventure Time''''', is an American animated television series on Cartoon Network. The series follows the adventures of a boy named "Finn" (voiced by Jeremy Shada) and his best friends and adoptive brothers Jake (voiced by John DiMaggio) — a dog — and BMO (voiced by Niki Yang) — a game system — with magitechnological powers to change their shapes and sizes at their wills.
==Pilot (2008)==
{{Main|Adventure Time (short film)}}
== Seasons ==
::[[Adventure Time (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 5)|Season 5]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 6)|Season 6]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 7)|Season 7]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 8)|Season 8]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 9)|Season 9]]
::[[Adventure Time (season 10)|Season 10]]
== Specials ==
::[[Adventure Time: Distant Lands]]
== Spin-off ==
::[[Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake]]
== Catchphrases ==
:'''Finn''': Mathematical!
== Cast ==
* [[w:Jeremy Shada|Jeremy Shada]] – Finn the Human
* [[John DiMaggio]] – Jake the Dog
* [[w:Hynden Walch|Hynden Walch]] – Princess Bubblegum
* [[w:Niki Yang|Niki Yang]] – BMO/Lady Rainicorn
* [[Tom Kenny]] – Ice King
* [[w:Olivia Olson|Olivia Olson]] – Marceline the Vampire Queen
* [[w:Pendelton Ward|Pendelton Ward]] – Lumpy Space Princess
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] – Cinnamon Bun
* Polly Lou Livingston – Tree Trunks
* [[w:Justin Roiland|Justin Roiland]] – Earl of Lemongrab
* [[w:Jessica DiCicco|Jessica DiCicco]] – Flame Princess
* [[w:Maria Bamford|Maria Bamford]] – Others
== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|1305826|Adventure Time}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Adventure Time]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Post-apocalyptic animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about brothers]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about dogs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about orphans]]
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The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists
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{{film-cleanup}}
{{DISPLAYTITLE:''The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists''}}
'''''[[w:The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists|The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists]]''''' is a [[w:1996 in film|1996 film]] in which Littlefoot's grandfather falls ill, and the only way to cure him is with a flower from the forbidding land of the mists, which holds unexpected perils and danger.
:''Directed by [[w:Roy Allen Smith|Roy Allen Smith]]. Written by [[w:Dev Ross|Dev Ross]].''
==Dialogue==
:'''Narrator''': Millions and millions of years ago, before there were countries, or cities, or states, before there were horses, or bears, or elephants, before the first humans ever walked the earth, the world was filled with strange and wonderful creatures. The greatest of these creatures were called... dinosaurs. But the realm of the dinosaur was changing. The weather, the plants, and the animals were beginning to transform. Still, despite the changes happening in the outside world, life in the Great Valley remained the same.
:'''Cera''': Grr! Grr!
:'''Ducky''': Cera, you are a good green food getter. You are.
:'''Cera:''' Let's eat!
:'''All''': Huh? Spike!
:'''Petrie''': Hey, here's Spike. But where's Littlefoot?
:''[Cuts to the scene Littlefoot is smiling and looking at an insect.]''
:'''Littlefoot''': Hello. Wait! Don't go. Whoa!
:''[Littlefoot sees a migrating herd coming into the Great Valley.]''
:'''Littlefoot''': Huh? Wow! Who are they?
:'''Cera''': Who's who, Littlefoot?
:'''Littlefoot''': Over there, Cera. Look!
:'''Ducky''': Hey, they are Longnecks just like you, Littlefoot.
:'''Littlefoot:''' Yeah. I wonder where they came from? ''[to his grandparents]'' Grandma, Grandpa! A herd of Longnecks are coming into our valley.
:'''Littlefoot's Grandpa''': Yes, we saw them, too, Littlefoot.
:'''Littlefoot''': Grandma, why are you wahing my face? It's only gonna get dirty again.
:'''Littlefoot's Grandma''': Because we're going to go and greet our visitors, Littlefoot. You want to look nice, don't you?
:'''Littlefoot''': Well, I guess. But who are they? And where do they come from?
:'''Littlefoot's Grandpa''': They're our cousins, Littlefoot. They're a migrating herd.
:'''Littlefoot''': Migrating?
:'''Littlefoot's Grandpa''': That means they travel and live in different places.
:'''Littlefoot''': You mean, instead of living in one place like us?
:'''Littlefoot's Grandpa''': That's right.
:'''Littlefoot''': I wouldn't like that. I like living in the Great Valley.
:'''Littlefoot's Grandpa''': Yes. We do, too, Littlefoot. Now, come! Let's go welcome our cousins!
:'''Littlefoot''': Okay. Hey! Do you think they have kids?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' I'm sure they do. Oh!
* '''''(Grandpa Longneck suddenly falls into the water)'''''.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Grandpa!
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Are you alright?
* '''Littefoot's Grandpa:''' Strange, I... I suddenly felt so tired.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Perhaps, we'd better stay here.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Oh, nonsense. I feel better already. Well, Littlefoot. Why don't you lead the way?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Alright! Everybody, follow me.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' I'm fine, Grandma. Really.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma''': Welcome to our Valley, Old One.
* '''Old One:''' Yes. Now, tell me, how is your climate?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma''': Our climate? It's... It's fine.
* '''Old One:''' And your land? Has it changed?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa''': Why, no, it hasn't.
* '''Old One:''' Good. Of course, who know how long that will last?
* '''Cera:''' What's that stuffy old Longneck mean by, "Who know how long that will last?"
* '''Littlefoot''': Shh!
* '''Cera:''' Hmph!
* '''Old One:''' My herd has roamed far and wide. And everywhere, things are changing.
* '''Adults''': Changing?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma''': Old One, are you saying changes will happen here, too?
* '''Old One:''' I don't know. All I do know is that once, our land was just like yours. Then, water fell from the sky for weeks on end. Our land grew wet and soggy. Strange creatures began to make their home on what was once dry land. Other creatures moved into the trees that were our source of food. The once green land we had migrated across for years had become... the Land of Mists. We had no choice, but to leave.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma''': Does this mean that you and your herd will be staying with us, Old One?
* '''Old One:''' We stay in no place very long. You and the other Great Valley Longnecks may join us when we leave. After all, there is safety in numbers.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Um... Grandpa! We're not going to migrate, are we?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Of course not, Littlefoot! The Great Valley is our home.
* '''Ducky:''' Oh, Littlefoot. I'm so glad you are not leaving. I am, I am. The Great Valley will never change. Oh no, no, no, no, no.
* '''Petrie:''' Me glad you lot leaving too. Me miss you whole bunch.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I'd miss you, too, Petrie.
* '''''(Spike licks Littlefoot)'''''
* '''Littlefoot:''' Does this mean you'd miss me too, Spike? Um... Cera? Would you miss me?
* '''Cera:''' Well... I... Ooh! Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't. I'm not telling.
* '''Ducky:''' Why are you not telling, Cera? Is it a secret? Is it, huh?
* '''Cera:''' Well... if you really want to know, you have to catch me first!
* Hee!
* Me catch you, Cera.
* '''Littlefoot:''' You'd better run fast!
* '''''(Littlefoot suddenly hears some strange noise come from the bushes)'''''.
* '''Littlefoot: '''Wait a minute! Is that you, Cera?
* '''''(A face shows up and bites on Littlefoot's tail)'''''.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Ouch! Okay, Cera. You asked for it.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Hey, you're not Cera. You're a Longneck like me.
* '''Ali:''' I'm Ali. What's your name?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Littlefoot.
* '''Ali:''' Um... wanna play with me, Littlefoot?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Sure.
* '''Ali:''' Great! Not it! You're it!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Maybe, but not for long.
* '''Cera:''' All right already! I'll tell Littlefoot I'd miss him. Then will you be happy?
* '''Ducky:''' Hey, look! There are two Littlefoots. Um... Feets?
* '''Cera:''' There can't be two Littlefoots. It's impossible! But let's go see anyway! See? She's not another Littlefoot. She's a girl.
* '''Ducky:''' Yep, yep, yep. She is a girl.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Hi, everybody! This is my new friend, Ali.
* '''Ducky:''' Hello, Ali. Hi, hi, hi.
* '''Petrie:''' Hi, Ali. Me Petrie.
* '''Ducky:''' And I'm Ducky. And this is my brother, Spike. He can not talk like us, oh no. But he still says, 'Hello!'.
* '''Cera:''' And I'm Cera, a Threehorn, of course.
* '''Littlefoot:''' What's the matter, Ali?
* '''Ali:''' I'm... I'm afraid.
* '''Ducky:''' Are we scary?
* '''Petrie:''' Oh, yes! Petrie very scary.
* '''Cera:''' Well, it just so happens that Threehorns can be very scary. Grr!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Cera, you're not helping!
* '''Cera:''' Sorry.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Geez, Ali! There's nothing scary about my friends. Honest! They're really, really nice.
* '''Ali: '''Littlefoot, they're not Longnecks like us. I'm sorry everyone, I can't play now.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I don't understand why she's so scared.
* '''Cera:''' Hmph! She's not scared. She's stuck-up. Who needs her? Come on!
* '''Petrie:''' Yeah, who need her?
* '''Ducky:''' Are you coming, Littlefoot?
* '''Littlefoot:''' I... I guess so. Huh...
* '''Ali:''' Shh!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Huh?
* '''Ali:''' Shh! Littlefoot, I'm over here.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Did you change your mind? Do you want to play with me and my friends? Huh... Aw jeez.
* '''Petrie:''' Where Littlefoot?
* '''Cera:''' Over there... with her! If Littlefoot would rather play with her, then he's not our friend.
* '''Ducky and Petrie:''' What?!
* '''Ali:''' Oops! Sorry, Littlefoot.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Oh, that's okay.
* '''Ali:''' You're really fun, Littlefoot. I hope we're friends.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Of course we're friends! And friends share! Friends! I ran off and left them. I'd better go make sure they're not mad at me. Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike?! I guess they all went home.
* '''Ali:''' I guess.
* Come on, it's late.
* My grandma and grandpa will be worried.
* It doesn't look good. This is terrible.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Grandma? What is it? What's wrong with Grandpa?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Your grandpa is very ill, Littlefoot.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Ill?! Well, he'll get better, won't he?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' I don't know, Littlefoot. Some dinosaurs do, and some don't.
* '''Old One:''' I've seen this sickness many times in my life. No dinosaurs ever recover from it, unless...
* '''Littlefoot:''' Unless what?
* '''Old One:''' Unless they eat the golden petals of the night flower.
* '''Longneck cousin #1:''' The night flower?
* '''Longneck cousin #2:''' Did you hear that? The night flower!
* '''Longneck cousin #3:''' Yes! Golden petals!
* '''Old One:''' Sick dinosaurs eat them and are cured if they eat them in time.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Grandma! We have to get the night flower for Grandpa!
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Old One, where can I find the night flower?
* '''Old One:''' In the land we came from, the Land of Mists!
* '''Littlefoot:''' The Land of Mists!
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Cousins, who will take me to the night flower?
* '''Longnecks''': - Not me. - I'm not going back there.
* '''Longneck cousin #4''': You'd have to be crazy.
* '''Old One:''' The land has changed too much. Longnecks are not welcome there.
* '''Littlefoot:''' But what about my grandpa?
* '''Old One:''' It is too dangerous!
* '''Ali's Mother:''' Come Ali, it's late!
* '''Ali:''' But mother, isn't there any way we can help?
* '''Ali's Mother:''' I'm sorry, dear. We can do nothing.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Littlefoot?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Yes, Grandpa?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Littlefoot, I want you to promise, that if anything happens to me...
* '''Littlefoot:''' But, Grandpa! Nothing is going to happen. I'm going to take care of you.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' You're still very young, and Grandma isn't as strong as she once was. If our valley does change, I won't be here to protect you. Our cousins are strong, and the Old One is wise.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I don't think she's so smart.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Littlefoot, promise me... that you and Grandma will go with them... if the time comes.
* '''Littlefoot: '''But Grandpa, you're going to get better.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Promise me!
* '''Littlefoot:''' I promise...
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' It's time to sleep, Littlefoot.
* '''Littlefoot:''' But I wanna help you watch Grandpa.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' You can help me by getting some rest.
* '''Littlefoot:''' But there has to be more I can do.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Littlefoot! We all must learn to accept what the Great Circle of Life hands us.
* '''Littlefoot:''' No...
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Please try to understand, little one! There is nothing we can do. Now try not to worry. The Great Circle of Life brings us many good things too, sometimes, when we least expect them. The Circle of Life... is simple, yet profound.
*🎶A quite straight forward line that goes around and round and round🎵
*🎶It starts at the beginning,🎵
*and it will never end.
*🎶And that to me, must surely be life's secret, my friend.🎵
*🎶For the Circle of Life🎵
*🎶continues every day🎵
*🎶None of us can stop it🎵
*🎶from going on its way.🎵
*🎶With each new generation, one more circle is complete.🎵
*🎶On and on and on It goes repeating🎵
*🎶Repeating... Repeating... Repeating🎵
*🎶It nurtures the young until they're fully grown.🎵
*🎶And soon life's magic circle brings them children of their own.🎵
*🎶The family of nature,🎵
*🎶each husband and wife...🎵
*🎶Enhances the circle, The ever-winding circle,🎵
*🎶The wonderful circle of life🎵
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma: '''Good night, my little one.
* '''Littlefoot:''' There is something I can do! I can find the night flower! I'll be back, please don't worry...
* '''''(Littlefoot whispers to his Grandma and then goes to find Ali to ask her for help him find the night flower)'''''.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Ali. Ali, wake up!
* '''Ali:''' Huh? Littlefoot?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Shh!
* '''Ali: '''What are you doing here?
* '''Littlefoot:''' I've got to find the night flower.
* '''Ali:''' What?!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Shh! Will you tell me where to find it?
* '''Ali:''' I can't, Littlefoot. It's too dangerous. The Land of Mists is filled with horrible monsters. You can't go by yourself.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I'm not. I'm going to ask Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike to go with me.
* '''Ali:''' But... what about me?
* Well, I... I didn't think you wanna come because you... you don't like my friends.
* And besides, you just said you didn't want to go.
* '''Ali:''' I'll go, but... but we can't take the others.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Huh?
* '''Ali:''' See... If we take them, it'll only slow us down.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I don't know.
* '''Ali:''' Hurry, Littlefoot. I know the way, the others don't. We have to go now or the grown-ups will try and stop us.
* I could not find Littlefoot anywhere.
* I no find him, either.
* '''Cera:''' Oh, he's probably just hiding from us so he can play with that dumb old Ali.
* '''Cera:''' ''(copy Ali)'' "Oh, Littlefoot, I'm afraid. Your friends are so scary. Keep them away! Keep them away!"
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Littlefoot!
* '''Ducky:''' That is Littlefoot's grandma.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Littlefoot, where are you?
* '''Ducky:''' Something is wrong. It is. It is.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Littlefoot! I'm afraid he's gone to find the night flower. Oh, my brave Littlefoot!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Are you sure you know where we're going, Ali?
* '''Ali:''' Well... sort of.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Sort of?
* '''Ali:''' See, my herd has moved so much. Sometimes I lose track of where I am, or where I've been. But, don't worry! I think we go this way. Littlefoot!
* '''Littlefoot:''' It's beautiful.
* '''Ali:''' Oh, Littlefoot. I remember this waterfall. We are going the right way after all.
* Come on!
* We gotta pass through this cave.
* Wow!
* Let's go!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Why are we stopping, Ali?
* '''Ali:''' Dark water! It means it's real deep. My mother had to carry me through it.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Is there any way through the cave?
* '''Ali:''' I don't know.
* Well...
* We'll just have to go exploring.
* Come on!
* Ali, look!
* That looks like the way to go.
* Race you!
* I... think we better go back.
* [Go back... Go back... Go back...]
* '''Ali:''' Who was that?
* '''Littlefoot:''' I don't know. But I think he wants us to go. Who are you?
* [Who are you?... Who are you?... Who are you?...]
* '''Littlefoot:''' I'm Littlefoot!
* [I'm Littlefoot... I'm Littlefoot... I'm Littlefoot...]
* '''Ali:''' You can't be down there... if you're up here, can't you?
* '''Littlefoot:''' I don't think so.
* Earthshake!
* Jump!
* '''Ali:''' Littlefoot! Littlefoot? Littlefoot, are you all right? I can't do this by myself. Don't worry, Littlefoot. I'll be back.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Ali? Ali? Can you hear me?
* '''''(Switch back to the scene Littlefoot's Grandma tells his friends where he really goes)'''''.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' And then, when Littlefoot's Grandpa got sick, the Old One told us that only the golden petals of the night flower could cure him. Littlefoot was so worried about his grandpa. That's why I know he's gone to the Land of Mists, to find the night flower.
* '''Ducky:''' Oh, no, no, no, no...
* '''Cera:''' Or maybe he's really off playing with that dumb old what's-her-name.
* '''Ducky:''' Her name is not What's-Her-Name, Cera. It is Ali, remember?
* '''Cera:''' Huh...
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Littlefoot wouldn't just go off and play, Cera. Not with his grandpa so sick. Besides, Ali is missing, too. She probably knows the way to the Land of Mists. I'm sure she and Littlefoot are both searching for the night flower.
* '''Ducky:''' Oh do not worry! We will go and get them. We will.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' No Ducky, you mustn't. I can't risk you young ones, too. The Land of Mists is a dangerous place. You must promise me you won't go there.
* Uh... Okay...
* I promise.
* '''Petrie:''' Me promise, too.
* '''Cera:''' The more I think about it, the madder I get. Littlefoot should've asked us to go with him. But no! He wants to go along with his new friend.
* Yes, his new friend.
* Maybe Littlefoot thought we would not want to go.
* Maybe.
* '''Cera:''' Ha! Well maybe I've changed my mind. Maybe I don't want to go after Littlefoot after all.
* Cera!
* '''Cera:''' Ooh besides, who even knows where that dumb old Lands of Mists is anyway? I'm sure the grown-ups aren't gonna tell us.
* '''Ali:''' Cera, Ducky, Petrie, Spike! I'm so glad I found you.
* Ali! You back!
* Where's Littlefoot?
* '''Ali:''' Littlefoot? Well, he's... See? There was a terrible earthshake, and the cave fell down and...
* And...?!
* You've got to come now!
* We coming, Ali!
* Well, I'm not. Why should we believe her?
* She probably made that story up.
* I did not!
* What we do now?
* What do you think, Spike?
* He thinks we should go. Okay.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Ali? Ali? Are you out there? I've got to find another way out. At least now it's not so dark anymore.
* '''[[Archie]]:''' What are you doing in my cave?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Well... you see... Hey, you don't have any teeth!
* '''Archie:''' Huh... Yeah, yeah... I know... I couldn't scared anybody if my life depended on it. But you can't blame a guy for trying. This cave's a dangerous place, you know?
* '''Littlefoot:''' I know.
* '''Archie:''' The name's Archie. What's yours?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Littlefoot.
* '''Archie:''' So tell me, Littlefoot. What are you doing here all alone?
* '''Littlefoot:''' I'm not alone. I'm with my friend, Ali. I mean... if she's all right, that is.
* It's just around this bend.
* Oh, lookie!
* Wow!
* '''Ali:''' Hurry! Littlefoot's in the cave ahead.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Ali's on the other side of this wall.
* '''Archie:''' This was some cave-in. You're lucky you weren't hurt. I hope your friend was as lucky.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Do you think you can help me dig out?
* '''Archie:''' Sure, I'll give it a try. Where there's a will, there's a way, you know? Or a pulled muscle.
* '''[[Ichy and Dil|Ichy]]:''' Relax, [[Dil]]. It's me, Ichy.
* '''Dil:''' Ichy? You know I don't see so good. Why do you sneak up on me like that?
* '''Ichy:''' Call it a mean streak.
* '''Dil:''' Well, did you see anything to eat?
* '''Ichy:''' Nah, not a thing since those baby Longnecks.
* '''Dil:''' Ichy, I'm hungry!
* '''Ichy:''' You're hungry?! What about me?
* I do all the real work around here.
* You? I get all the food.
* Well, you couldn't get it without me. I'm the eyes!
* '''Dil:''' So?! I'm the teeth.
* Awe, who needs ya?!
* And who needs you?
*🎶I need you like a hole in the head.🎵
*🎶And I need you like a bug in the bed.🎵
*🎶You constantly bite, The claw that feeds you.🎵
*🎶Who needs you? Not me!🎵
*🎶I need you like a pain in the gut.🎵
*🎶Oh, yeah? And I need you like a kick in the butt.🎵
*🎶You truly disgrace the race that breed you.🎵
*🎶Who needs you? Not me!🎵
*🎶Who needs you? You creepy crawly creature.🎵
*🎶You're ugly as sin Just a scraggly bag of skin.🎵
*🎶And who needs you? Your tail's your finest feature.🎵
*🎶You're thick-skinned and a bore Dragging your belly round the floor🎵
*🎶I need you like a rock on my toes🎵
*🎶And I need you like a sock on my nose🎵
*🎶I'm shocked and appalled by your behavior🎵
*🎶Don't try being nice!🎵
*🎶'Cause that won't save ya.🎵
*🎶I'm better off without you I can see!🎵
*🎶So who needs you? Not me!🎵
*🎶I need you like a cold in July.🎵
*🎶And I need you like a punch in the eye.🎵
*🎶Of all the dumb beasts, not one precedes you.🎵
*🎶Who needs you? Not me!🎵
*🎶I need you like I need a disease.🎵
*🎶And I need you like the sun needs to freeze.🎵
*🎶For quickness of mind A rock outspeeds you.🎵
*🎶Who needs you? Not me!🎵
*🎶Who needs you? You cross-eyed crazy critter.🎵
*🎶You twitter and squawk And you're knock-kneed when you walk.🎵
*🎶And who needs you? Ya flat-foot, four-foot quitter!🎵
*🎶You're bitter and you're mad 'Cause you're as ugly as your dad.🎵
*🎶I need you like I need some more teeth.🎵
*🎶I lift a rock and find you underneath.🎵
*🎶I'm deeply upset by your demeanor.🎵
*🎶I know that I'm mean My dark demeanor.🎵
*🎶No more unlikely pair could ever be.🎵
*🎶The word is incompatibility.🎵
*🎶Not only that, We don't get on, you see?🎵
*🎶So who needs you, Except the race that breeds you?🎵
*🎶Who needs you?🎵
*🎶Not me! Not me! Not me! Not me!🎵
*🎶Not me!🎵
* '''Ichy:''' Hey, Dil. Shh! Quiet! It's one of the baby Longnecks. Something tells me supper is soon.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Hmph! It's no use. We'll never be able to dig through all this. We need more help.
* '''Ducky, Petrie and Ali: '''Littlefoot!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Archie! It's my friends!
* We've got to hurry. He might be hurt.
* '''Petroe:''' Me get Littlefoot out! Oh, heavy!
* Sounds like a rock slide.
* '''Archie:''' Don't worry, kid... I take that back! Worry.
* '''Ichy:''' Straight ahead till dinner, Dil.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Run!
* '''Archie:''' Hide!
* '''Littlefoot: '''Archie? Archie!
* '''Archie:''' I can't leave that kid out there alone. Littlefoot!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Archie, we have to hide.
* '''Archie:''' Follow me! In there, kid.
* '''Littlefoot:''' But what about you?
* '''Archie:''' Don't worry! Now you see me, now you don't.
* '''Dil:''' Where did he go, Ichy? Where did he go?
* '''Ichy:''' There, in that crevice.
* '''Ichy:''' Yeah, yeah. That's using your tail. Watch it! Dil, look out!
* '''''(A stone tooth falls right on Ichy)'''''.
* '''Ichy:''' Ow! I hate it when that happens.
* Oh no!
* It feels like another earthshake.
* And it mad.
* Very, very mad.
* What we do now? Littlefoot in big trouble.
* '''Cera:''' Then what is everyone standing around for?
* '''Ducky and Petrie:''' Cera!
* '''Cera:''' Are we gonna save Littlefoot or not?
* Yay!
* Yay, Cera!
* '''Ali:''' Can I help, Cera?
* '''Cera:''' Sure. Stay out of my way!
* I know he's here somewhere.
* '''Dil:''' I see him, Ichy! I see him!
* '''Ichy:''' Congratulations. Now sic him and remember to leave me some!
* '''Archie:''' Back off, belly dragger!
* Huh?
* '''Archie:''' The kid's a snack, I'm a meal.
* '''Ichy:''' Yeah? Well, I call you the first course. Tenderize him, Dil.
* Grr!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Cera, Petrie, Ducky, Spike!
* You're all right!
* '''Petrie:''' Me miss you!
* Oh, Littlefoot!
* '''Littlefoot:''' How did you know where to find me?
* '''Ducky:''' Ali came and got us. She did.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Thanks, Ali. I was afraid that maybe something bad happened to you. I'm sure glad you're okay.
* '''Cera:''' Hmph!
*Huh...
* '''Archie:''' Hello. We got to get moving before that big-mouth belly dragger and her sharp-beaked friend wake up.
* Who's he?
* '''Littlefoot: '''I'll explain later, now come on!
* '''Littlefoot:''' And then, the big-mouth belly dragger and the sharp-beak were just about to have Archie and me for dinner when you guys came to the rescue.
* '''Cera:''' You mean, I came to the rescue.
* '''Ducky:''' But Ali showed us the way.
* '''Petrie:''' And you no even come with us at first.
* '''Cera:''' So? I still got here, didn't I? You should have asked your real friends to help you find the night flower in the first place.
* '''Archie:''' Night flower? What's this about the night flower?
* '''Littlefoot:''' I have to find it to help my Grandpa who's sick. That's why I was in the cave in the first place. I'm going to the Land of Mists to find the night flower.
* '''Archie:''' Well, why didn't you say that in the first place? I know a shortcut.
* Archie, you did it!
* Yay! A way out!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Thanks, Archie! I was beginning to think we'd never get out of that cave.
* '''Archie:''' I want you to take good care of yourself, Littlefoot. You and your friends are awfully young to be out all alone.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I know... It's just that I have to help my Grandpa.
* '''Archie:''' Just do me a favor and stick together! You maybe little. But together, you're strong.
* Don't worry, Archie! We'll stick together.
* '''Ducky:''' Yep, yep, yep. We will.
*'''Ali:''' Hmph!
* '''Archie:''' Goodbye, kids! Good luck.
* Goodbye, Archie! Goodbye. Goodbye.
* Littlefoot. Come and see!
* Wow!
* Pretty!
* Is...?
* Is this it, Ali?
* Yes, Littlefoot.
* The Valley of Mists!
* '''Ali:''' Stay close. If you get lost in the Mists, you stay lost.
* Do not be afraid, Petrie. I am here.
* '''Petrie:''' Me not afraid, me terrified.
* How long until we find the night flower, Ali?
* Not long now.
* What is it, Cera?
* '''Cera:''' Something slimy touched me...
* Cera!
* She disappeared.
* Oh poor, poor Cera!
* We'll find you, Cera.
* Don't worry!
* Okay...
* Just hurry!
* Please!
* There she is!
* Look out!
* Oh, me got headache just watching!
* Come on! We've gotta find Cera.
* There's a tree we can hide under.
* I do not like it here. Oh no, no, no, no.
* What's that?
* I think it my teeth.
* Or knees.
* This no time to eat!
* He does not look scary to me.
* Oh no, no, no, no, no.
* He is cute. He is.
* He is tickly fuzzies all over him.
* I'm gonna call you Tickles. I am.
* Tickles, have you seen our friend, Cera?
* She's a Threehorn.
* Petrie take look.
* I think she sees her!
* Me see her too.
* Over here! Over here, Cera!
* Cera!
* '''Cera:''' I see you!
* '''''(The edge that Cera sits on suddenly cracks and Cera falls down to the fast water)'''''.
* '''Cera:''' I can't see!
* Help!
* Hang on, Cera!
* We'll throw you down a vine!
* Hurry!
* Cera, catch this!
* Cera, come on!
* Come on! Let's pull her up!
* Pull!
* Pull!
* Pull!
* Pull!
* '''Ichy:''' Thanks for showing us that shortcut to dinner!
* Gotcha!
* '''Ichy:''' Ya bumbling belly dragger. That wasn't food. That was a log.
* '''Dil:''' I thought it tasted funny. Ouch! You hit me!
* '''Ichy:''' I didn't. Though it's not a bad idea.
* Ouch!
* What did you that for?
* Do what?
* That!
* Oh, it's those rotten little edibles.
* '''Ali:''' You guys keep them busy! I'll save Cera.
* Ali, no! It's too steep.
* You'll fall.
* '''Ali:''' Don't worry, I...
* '''Ichy:''' How nice! Dessert. Head for shore, Dil. My sweet tooth calls.
* '''Dil:''' But Ichy, you know the routine! Dinner first, then dessert!
* '''Ichy:''' What are you? My mother? Come on!
* Ali!
* Watch out!
* Wake up!
* I'm coming, Cera!
* Huh?
* Hurry, Cera!
* Belly-draggers can't climb.
* '''Ichy:''' You let them get away.
* '''Dil:''' Me? It was your fault.
* '''Ichy:''' You're dreaming. Now be quiet!
* '''Dil:''' You be quiet!
* '''Ichy:''' Oh yeah? Well you're the one with the big mouth!
* Oh, yeah? I oughta...
*🎶La, la, la! I can't hear you!🎵
* Thanks, Ali.
* You're welcome.
* Hey, guys!
* You don't have to worry anymore!
* Ali and me are friends!
* Yay!
* '''Ali:''' So you see, with my herd moving around so much, I never got to know everyone but other Longnecks. But after everything that's happened, I know now that it's great to have all kind of friends, in all shapes and sizes, too.
*🎶It takes all sorts to make a world🎵
*🎶Short and tall sorts, large and small sorts🎵
*🎶To fill this pretty planet with love and laughter.🎵
*🎶To make it great to live in tomorrow,🎵
*🎶and the day after.🎵
*🎶It takes all types without a doubt.🎵
*🎶Dumb and wise types, every size types🎵
*🎶To do all the things that need to be done.🎵
*🎶To make our life fun, find our place in the sun.🎵
*🎶And the brightest way, the rightest way🎵
*🎶According to reports is simply to take...🎵
*🎶all sorts🎵
*🎶It takes all sorts to make our day.🎵
*🎶Smart and slow sorts, High and low sorts🎵
*🎶To make the world we live in a place worth being...🎵
*🎶to try and make our future, a future really worth seeing.🎵
*🎶We need all types to make our way.🎵
*🎶Trite and true types, Me and you types🎵
*🎶To create a world that's truly worthwhile🎵
*🎶That knows how to smile, how to do things in style.🎵
*🎶So the surest and securest way,🎵
*🎶which everyone supports is simply to🎵
*🎶Take all sorts!🎵
* '''Ichy:''' Stop your panting, Dil and get me out of here!
* '''Dil:''' Get yourself out!
* '''Ichy: '''And ruin my feathers? Listen, leatherhead, we've gotta find those kids. And you can't do it without me.
* '''Dil''': Okay.
* '''Ichy:''' Oh Dil, remember the good times we had. Not so close next time, lumphead. Now look what you've done! How are you gonna fix this? No, Dil. It's all right! No!
* '''Dil:''' Ichy, we've been looking for these kids for hours. How about resting the eyes?
* '''Ichy:''' You're right, Dil. You keep going while I take a little snooze.
* '''Dil:''' But, but...
* '''Ichy:''' Hey, hey! Who is the eyes around here?
* '''Dil:''' Ichy, you know I can't see.
* '''Ichy:''' Yeah, but if you keep moving, we're bound to bump into something sooner or later. Good night.
* '''Dil:''' One of these... days, Ichy... One of these... Oh, forget it!
* '''Cera:''' When are we gonna get there? My feet hurt, and I'm hungry.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I know, Cera, but we have to keep going. We have to find the night flowers for my Grandpa. We are almost there, aren't we, Ali?
* '''Ali:''' I think so. See... I've never really seen the flowers for myself before.
* You haven't? Oh...
* '''Ducky:''' Huh... I am very very tired. I am.
* Maybe we should rest for a while.
* '''Ducky:''' Huh? I do not need a bath, [[Mama Swimmer|Mama]]. How pretty! A golden flower... Golden flower! Spike, it is the night flower. It is. It is. Wake up! Wake up! We were looking for the night flowers, but the night flowers found us!
* '''Littlefoot:''' We found 'em, Grandpa.
* If we keep on like this, we can make it home by morning.
* Surprise?!
* You're not going anywhere but the inside of our stomachs.
* Right, Dil?
* They're hiding here somewhere.
* And I bet it's behind that boulder.
* '''Dil:''' What boulder?
* '''Ichy:''' Never mind, just stay close to me. I'll flush them out and you nab 'em.
* Shh!
* Lookie what I got, Dil.
* Hey, what'd you do that for?
* Because this skimpy snack is barely enough for me.
* You are so selfish. What do we do?
* I am not. You're the one who's selfish.
* He's mine and that's final.
* '''Ichy:''' Blech! Dil, I didn't mean it. Honest. It wasn't me!
* Oops!
* It's them! They're over there!
* Stick together, everybody!
* Oh no!
* '''Ducky:''' Come back, flower! We must stick together.
* Ducky!
* '''Petrie:''' Me save you, Ducky!
* Petrie!
* Get away!
* Go on! Leave me alone!
* '''Petrie:''' Let go!
* No... Ducky!
* Ducky.
* Oh no!
* '''Petrie:''' Put my friend down! Whoa!
* You got her, Dil.
* I did?
* Then she's mine.
* Ducky! Wake up!
* Look out!
* Ducky! Ducky!
* '''Spike:''' Da... Dak... Ducky! ''(others gasp)''
* '''Ducky:''' Huh?
* '''Dil:''' Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
* Oh...
* We gotta do something!
* Come on!
* You're next, my little diet delights.
* '''Ducky:''' Oh no, oh no, oh no!
* '''''(Ichy falls right into Dil's mouth)'''''.
* '''Ichy:''' Don't swallow, Dil! It's me, Ichy!
* '''Dil:''' Ichy?
* '''Ichy:''' Open up, you idiot! You almost ate me!
* '''Dil:''' But it was an accident, Ichy! I didn't see you.
* '''Ichy:''' Of course you didn't see me. You can't see your own nose at the end of your face. You're useless!
* '''Dil:''' Useless? Without me, you'd starve!
* '''Ichy:''' I would not.
* '''Dil:''' You would too.
* '''Ichy:''' Would not.
* '''Dil:''' Would too.
* '''Ichy:''' Would not. Would not. Would not.
* '''Dil:''' Would too. Would too. Would too.
* '''Ichy:''' That's it, Dil.
* '''Dil:''' I've had it with you, Ichy!
* '''Ichy:''' From now on...
* '''Both:''' I'm going it alone!
* '''Ichy:''' No!
* '''Dil:''' That'll teach him.
* '''''(Right after that, Dil bumps into a Swimming Sharptooth).'''''
* '''Dil:''' Huh? Who's there? Ehhh, '''''UHH.............ICHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
* Ducky!
* Are you all right?
* '''Ducky:''' I... think so. But I thought I heard Spike talk.
* '''Littlefoot:''' He did, Ducky. Spike talked!
* '''Ducky:''' Oh, Spike! I am so happy! You talked it. Yep! Yep! Yep!
* You did.
* Are you sure you don't wanna come with us, Tickles?
* Do you think we'll ever see him again, Ali?
* '''Ali:''' I hope so, the land is changing. Maybe we'll all live together someday.
* Bye! Bye! Goodbye!
* Goodbye, Tickles! Goodbye! Bye, Tickles! Bye!
* We're home.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Yeah...I hope my grandpa's still...
* Come on, Littlefoot! We should hurry.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Grandma?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Littlefoot!
* '''Littlefoot:''' We brought the night flowers, Grandma.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' Oh, Littlefoot!
* '''Littlefoot:''' Is... Is Grandpa... okay?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' He's so weak.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Don't worry, Grandma! The night flowers will make him well again. The Old One said so.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' I hope she was right... And I hope it's not too late.
* '''Littlefoot''': Come on. Let's hurry!
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' He ate as much as he could. Now, all we can do is wait.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Littlefoot...?
* '''Littlefoot:''' Grandpa?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Well, hello there, Littlefoot.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Hello yourself, Grandpa.
* '''Littlefoot's Grandma:''' How are you feeling, dear?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa:''' Oh, much better. I think Littlefoot's golden flowers are working.
* '''Littlefoot:''' Does that mean Grandma and I won't be leaving the Great Valley after all?
* '''Littlefoot's Grandpa''': That's right.
* Littlefoot?
* '''Littlefoot:''' He's alright! My grandpa's gonna be alright!
* Yay! Good, Littlefoot.
* '''Petrie:''' Me think me should be going now.
* You are right, Petrie.
* Our mamas and daddies are probably very worried.
* Goodbye! Bye...
* '''Old One:''' Listen up, everyone. We will be leaving in just a few moments.
* '''Ali:''' Goodbye, Littlefoot. I know we will meet again someday.
* '''Littlefoot:''' I know we will, too.
* '''Ali:''' Thanks for being my friend, Cera. Goodbye, Petrie! I'm gonna miss you a whole lot too. I'll miss you and Spike, too, Ducky.
* '''Ducky:''' And we will miss you very, very much. We will. But Spike talks now, so he can tell you for himself. Go on, little brother!
* Yeah Spike, say something... Go on, talk! Come on, Spike!
* '''Ducky:''' Yep, yep, yep. Spike can talk when he wants to.
* Well, goodbye!
* Bye, Ali. Goodbye!
* '''Ali:''' [Maybe we'll all live together some day... Some day... Some day...]
:'''Narrator''': And so, it came to pass that the migrating dinosaurs left the Great Valley for lands unknown. And yes, Littlefoot and his friends, Cera, Ducky, Petrie and Spike, would indeed meet Ali again one day. But that's another story.
==Voice Cast==
Random
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists}}
[[Category:1996 animated films]]
[[Category:1990s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:The Land Before Time films]]
[[Category:Direct-to-video animated films]]
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The Brave Little Toaster (film)
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'''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''' or '''''The BLT''''' for short, is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) and titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five digital electronic computer appliances who go on the quest to search for their master.
:''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].''
:''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].''
{{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Toaster ==
* Good morning, everyone.
* Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
* You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
* ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!'''''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding-
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!
:'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting.
:''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]''
:'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently!
:'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!'''
:''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]''
:'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb!
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna-
:'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
:''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]''
:'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot!
:''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]''
:'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No!
:'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone.
:'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster.
:'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots.
:'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toaster''': Can you see?
:'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him?
:'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here!
:'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]''
:'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky!
:'''Blanky''': Master!
:'''Young Rob''': Blanky!
:''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]''
:'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right?
:'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work.
:''[The appliances put everything back]''
:'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
:''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]''
:'''Blanky''': No, no!
:'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away!
:'''Kirby''': In the garbage!
:'''Blanky''': No, you can't!
:'''Kirby''': Wimp!
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!'''''
:'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway.
:'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts.
:'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt!
:'''Blanky''': Stop it!
:'''Kirby''': Let me have it.
:'''Blanky''': You can't!
:''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no.
:''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]''
:'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at?
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.
:'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us.
:'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.
:'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey!
:'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?
:'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
:'''Blanky''': Uh-huh.
:'''Lampy''': It's a possibility.
:'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.
:'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?
:'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph!
:'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned!
:'''Blanky''': But he loved us.
:'''Radio''': That's right.
:'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.
:'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all-
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple.
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.
:'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so?
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you.
:'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now.
:'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
:'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?!
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials!
:'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!''
:''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]''
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]''
:'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!''
:''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!'''''
:''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!'''''
:''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]''
:'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner.
:'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard.
:'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway.
:'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?
:''[Revving is heard]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars!
:'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it.
:'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close.
:'''Kirby''': Just don't even start!
:'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close.
:''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him!
:'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!?!'''''
:'''Kirby''': What are you talking about?! What do you mean?!
:'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said! We're gonna go out and find the master!
:'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City?
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what.
:'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly?
:'''Toaster''': I-I don't know!
:'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious!
:'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious!
:'''Kirby''': You're insane! ''[backs away]''
:'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved!
:''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?''
:'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound?
:'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane! ''[backs away a little more]''
:'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.
:'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it!
:'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs.
:'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
:'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know.
:'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either.
:'''Lampy''': Lay off.
:'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath!
:'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you.
:'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.
:'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master.
:'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you?
:'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature.
:'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer?
:'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.
:'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.
:'''Toaster''': Good idea.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?"
:''[The appliances look at Kirby]''
:'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong!
:'''Lampy''': And loud!
:'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!''
:'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality.
:'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this.
:''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse.
:'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here.
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel?
:'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about the Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey!
:'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!'''''
:'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, O Magic Carpet.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord.
:'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction?
:'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys.
:'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator.
:'''Lampy''': Navigator?
:'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
:''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]''
:'''Blanky''': '''''OW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': What's wrong?
:'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me!
:'''Lampy''': Did not!
:'''Blanky''': Did ''too!''
:'''Lampy''': Did ''not!''
:'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!'''''
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time?
:'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet?
:'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go.
:'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.
:''[18 seconds later]''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within.
:Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin.
:So, you go. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Kirby''':
:''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease.
:You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Lampy''':
:''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight.
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪''
:'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
:'''Lampy''':
:''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪''
:'''Kirby''':
:''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Blanky''':
:''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ To that City of Light! ♪''
:''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]''
:'''Lampy''':
:'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight,
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
:'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic.
:'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers.
:'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
:'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys!
:'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?!
:'''Kirby''': Yeah!
:'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway?
:'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play!
:''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
:''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]''
:'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line.
:'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual.
:'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today.
:'''Radio''': Yeah.
:''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]''
:''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]''
:'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht!
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]''
:''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
:''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction?
:'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest.
:'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost.
:'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there.
:'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my.
:'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah!
:''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light!
:''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]''
:'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here?
:'''Toaster''': Only for a while.
:'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
:'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face.
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter?
:'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap!
:''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]''
:'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner.
:'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish.
:'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.''
:'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome!
:''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
:''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey! Look!
:''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]''
:'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks.
:'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and the Blanket?
:'''Toaster''': What thing?
:'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden.
:'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.
:'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird.
:'''Toaster''': What's weird about it?
:'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means.
:'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow!
:'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah.
:'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master.
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it.
:''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed! To the showers!"'' But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]''
:'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it.
:'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]''
:'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead!
:'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg!
:'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!'''''
:'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!?
:''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!'''''
:''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]''
:'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky! Speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]''
:'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow.
:'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery."
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help!
:'''Toaster''': Hey, listen.
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck!
:'''Toaster''': I hear him.
:'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere.
:'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose.
:'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look!
:''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]''
:'''Blanky''': Help!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]''
:'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!'''''
:'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!'''''
:'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!'''''
:''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]''
:'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out.
:'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump.
:'''Lampy''': How's he look?
:'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later.
:'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me?
:'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby?
:'''Toaster''': You're all right!
:'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay!
:'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!''
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter?
:'''Lampy''': We were worried about you.
:'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' pal.
:'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "pal", so just ''back'' off.
:'''Blanky''': Don't be angry.
:'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya.
:''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby-
:'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway?
:''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]''
:'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.
:'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging.
:'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby.
:''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]]
:'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot!
:'''Radio''': Oh, it's you!
:'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster?
:'''Lampy''': He sank!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]''
:'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you!
:'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time!
:'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up!
:'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all.
:''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]''
:'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right.
:'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you.
:'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off!
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]''
:''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!
:'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know.
:'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
:'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]''
:''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]''
:'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got some of my radio tubes.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rob is packing things for college]''
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear?
:'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks?
:'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to college. It's just college.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit.
:'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother!
<hr width="50%">
:''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]''
:'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh-
:'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it.
:'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can.
:''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]''
:'''Blanky''': He's not home.
:'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait.
:'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside; Relax.
:'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it?
:'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal.
:'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown.
:'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker.
:'''Toaster''': He graduated, too.
:'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard.
:'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
:'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
:'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
:'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV!
:'''Lampy''': How are you doing?
:'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
:'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
:'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed.
:'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it?
:'''Blanky''': Where's the Master?
:''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]''
:'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co---.
:''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey!
:'''Radio''': What's the idea?
:'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness.
:''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]''
:'''Chris''': It's the right address.
:'''Rob''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Blanket''': We did good, didn't we!
:'''Toaster''': Yup. Ahh...We did good.
:'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell!
:'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.
:''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching for joy!
== Taglines ==
* Plug into the adventure!
* Journey into the city of light!
* A little toaster will go on a very big adventure.
* Plug into the fun!
* Perfect movie for children.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster
* [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob
* [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke
* [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum
* [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty
* [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown
* [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft
* [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio
* [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy
* [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV
* [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft
* [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex
* [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}}
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films about technology]]
[[Category:Films based on short fiction]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
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'''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''' or '''''The BLT''''' for short, is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) and titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five mixed signal electronic computer appliances who go on the quest to search for their master.
:''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].''
:''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].''
{{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Toaster ==
* Good morning, everyone.
* Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
* You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
* ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!'''''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding-
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!
:'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting.
:''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]''
:'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently!
:'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!'''
:''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]''
:'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb!
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna-
:'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
:''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]''
:'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot!
:''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]''
:'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No!
:'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone.
:'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster.
:'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots.
:'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toaster''': Can you see?
:'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him?
:'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here!
:'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]''
:'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky!
:'''Blanky''': Master!
:'''Young Rob''': Blanky!
:''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]''
:'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right?
:'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work.
:''[The appliances put everything back]''
:'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
:''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]''
:'''Blanky''': No, no!
:'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away!
:'''Kirby''': In the garbage!
:'''Blanky''': No, you can't!
:'''Kirby''': Wimp!
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!'''''
:'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway.
:'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts.
:'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt!
:'''Blanky''': Stop it!
:'''Kirby''': Let me have it.
:'''Blanky''': You can't!
:''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no.
:''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]''
:'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at?
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.
:'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us.
:'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.
:'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey!
:'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?
:'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
:'''Blanky''': Uh-huh.
:'''Lampy''': It's a possibility.
:'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.
:'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?
:'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph!
:'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned!
:'''Blanky''': But he loved us.
:'''Radio''': That's right.
:'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.
:'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all-
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple.
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.
:'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so?
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you.
:'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now.
:'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
:'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?!
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials!
:'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!''
:''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]''
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]''
:'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!''
:''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!'''''
:''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!'''''
:''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]''
:'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner.
:'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard.
:'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway.
:'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?
:''[Revving is heard]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars!
:'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it.
:'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close.
:'''Kirby''': Just don't even start!
:'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close.
:''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him!
:'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!?!'''''
:'''Kirby''': What are you talking about?! What do you mean?!
:'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said! We're gonna go out and find the master!
:'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City?
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what.
:'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly?
:'''Toaster''': I-I don't know!
:'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious!
:'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious!
:'''Kirby''': You're insane! ''[backs away]''
:'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved!
:''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?''
:'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound?
:'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane! ''[backs away a little more]''
:'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.
:'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it!
:'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs.
:'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
:'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know.
:'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either.
:'''Lampy''': Lay off.
:'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath!
:'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you.
:'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.
:'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master.
:'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you?
:'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature.
:'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer?
:'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.
:'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.
:'''Toaster''': Good idea.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?"
:''[The appliances look at Kirby]''
:'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong!
:'''Lampy''': And loud!
:'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!''
:'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality.
:'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this.
:''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse.
:'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here.
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel?
:'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about the Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey!
:'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!'''''
:'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, O Magic Carpet.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord.
:'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction?
:'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys.
:'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator.
:'''Lampy''': Navigator?
:'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
:''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]''
:'''Blanky''': '''''OW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': What's wrong?
:'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me!
:'''Lampy''': Did not!
:'''Blanky''': Did ''too!''
:'''Lampy''': Did ''not!''
:'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!'''''
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time?
:'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet?
:'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go.
:'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.
:''[18 seconds later]''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within.
:Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin.
:So, you go. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Kirby''':
:''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease.
:You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Lampy''':
:''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight.
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪''
:'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
:'''Lampy''':
:''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪''
:'''Kirby''':
:''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Blanky''':
:''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ To that City of Light! ♪''
:''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]''
:'''Lampy''':
:'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight,
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
:'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic.
:'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers.
:'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
:'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys!
:'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?!
:'''Kirby''': Yeah!
:'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway?
:'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play!
:''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
:''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]''
:'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line.
:'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual.
:'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today.
:'''Radio''': Yeah.
:''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]''
:''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]''
:'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht!
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]''
:''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
:''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction?
:'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest.
:'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost.
:'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there.
:'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my.
:'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah!
:''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light!
:''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]''
:'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here?
:'''Toaster''': Only for a while.
:'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
:'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face.
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter?
:'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap!
:''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]''
:'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner.
:'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish.
:'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.''
:'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome!
:''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
:''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey! Look!
:''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]''
:'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks.
:'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and the Blanket?
:'''Toaster''': What thing?
:'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden.
:'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.
:'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird.
:'''Toaster''': What's weird about it?
:'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means.
:'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow!
:'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah.
:'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master.
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it.
:''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed! To the showers!"'' But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]''
:'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it.
:'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]''
:'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead!
:'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg!
:'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!'''''
:'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!?
:''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!'''''
:''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]''
:'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky! Speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]''
:'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow.
:'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery."
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help!
:'''Toaster''': Hey, listen.
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck!
:'''Toaster''': I hear him.
:'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere.
:'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose.
:'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look!
:''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]''
:'''Blanky''': Help!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]''
:'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!'''''
:'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!'''''
:'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!'''''
:''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]''
:'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out.
:'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump.
:'''Lampy''': How's he look?
:'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later.
:'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me?
:'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby?
:'''Toaster''': You're all right!
:'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay!
:'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!''
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter?
:'''Lampy''': We were worried about you.
:'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' pal.
:'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "pal", so just ''back'' off.
:'''Blanky''': Don't be angry.
:'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya.
:''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby-
:'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway?
:''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]''
:'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.
:'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging.
:'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby.
:''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]]
:'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot!
:'''Radio''': Oh, it's you!
:'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster?
:'''Lampy''': He sank!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]''
:'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you!
:'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time!
:'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up!
:'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all.
:''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]''
:'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right.
:'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you.
:'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off!
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]''
:''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!
:'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know.
:'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
:'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]''
:''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]''
:'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got some of my radio tubes.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rob is packing things for college]''
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear?
:'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks?
:'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to college. It's just college.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit.
:'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother!
<hr width="50%">
:''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]''
:'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh-
:'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it.
:'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can.
:''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]''
:'''Blanky''': He's not home.
:'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait.
:'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside; Relax.
:'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it?
:'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal.
:'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown.
:'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker.
:'''Toaster''': He graduated, too.
:'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard.
:'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
:'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
:'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
:'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV!
:'''Lampy''': How are you doing?
:'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
:'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
:'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed.
:'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it?
:'''Blanky''': Where's the Master?
:''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]''
:'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co---.
:''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey!
:'''Radio''': What's the idea?
:'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness.
:''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]''
:'''Chris''': It's the right address.
:'''Rob''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Blanket''': We did good, didn't we!
:'''Toaster''': Yup. Ahh...We did good.
:'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell!
:'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.
:''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching for joy!
== Taglines ==
* Plug into the adventure!
* Journey into the city of light!
* A little toaster will go on a very big adventure.
* Plug into the fun!
* Perfect movie for children.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster
* [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob
* [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke
* [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum
* [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty
* [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown
* [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft
* [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio
* [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy
* [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV
* [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft
* [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex
* [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}}
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films about technology]]
[[Category:Films based on short fiction]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
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'''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''' or '''''The BLT''''' for short, is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) and titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five mixed-signal electronic computer appliances who go on the quest to search for their master.
:''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].''
:''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].''
{{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Toaster ==
* Good morning, everyone.
* Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
* You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
* ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!'''''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding-
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!
:'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting.
:''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]''
:'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently!
:'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!'''
:''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]''
:'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb!
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna-
:'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
:''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]''
:'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot!
:''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]''
:'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No!
:'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone.
:'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster.
:'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots.
:'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toaster''': Can you see?
:'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him?
:'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here!
:'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]''
:'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky!
:'''Blanky''': Master!
:'''Young Rob''': Blanky!
:''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]''
:'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right?
:'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work.
:''[The appliances put everything back]''
:'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
:''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]''
:'''Blanky''': No, no!
:'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away!
:'''Kirby''': In the garbage!
:'''Blanky''': No, you can't!
:'''Kirby''': Wimp!
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!'''''
:'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway.
:'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts.
:'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt!
:'''Blanky''': Stop it!
:'''Kirby''': Let me have it.
:'''Blanky''': You can't!
:''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no.
:''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]''
:'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at?
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.
:'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us.
:'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.
:'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey!
:'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?
:'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
:'''Blanky''': Uh-huh.
:'''Lampy''': It's a possibility.
:'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.
:'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?
:'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph!
:'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned!
:'''Blanky''': But he loved us.
:'''Radio''': That's right.
:'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.
:'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all-
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple.
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.
:'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so?
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you.
:'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now.
:'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
:'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?!
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials!
:'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!''
:''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]''
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]''
:'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!''
:''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!'''''
:''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!'''''
:''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]''
:'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner.
:'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard.
:'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway.
:'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?
:''[Revving is heard]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars!
:'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it.
:'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close.
:'''Kirby''': Just don't even start!
:'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close.
:''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him!
:'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!?!'''''
:'''Kirby''': What are you talking about?! What do you mean?!
:'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said! We're gonna go out and find the master!
:'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City?
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what.
:'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly?
:'''Toaster''': I-I don't know!
:'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious!
:'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious!
:'''Kirby''': You're insane! ''[backs away]''
:'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved!
:''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?''
:'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound?
:'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane! ''[backs away a little more]''
:'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.
:'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it!
:'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs.
:'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
:'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know.
:'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either.
:'''Lampy''': Lay off.
:'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath!
:'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you.
:'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.
:'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master.
:'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you?
:'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature.
:'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer?
:'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.
:'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.
:'''Toaster''': Good idea.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?"
:''[The appliances look at Kirby]''
:'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong!
:'''Lampy''': And loud!
:'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!''
:'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality.
:'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this.
:''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse.
:'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here.
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel?
:'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about the Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey!
:'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!'''''
:'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, O Magic Carpet.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord.
:'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.
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:'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction?
:'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys.
:'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator.
:'''Lampy''': Navigator?
:'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
:''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]''
:'''Blanky''': '''''OW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': What's wrong?
:'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me!
:'''Lampy''': Did not!
:'''Blanky''': Did ''too!''
:'''Lampy''': Did ''not!''
:'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!'''''
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time?
:'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet?
:'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go.
:'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.
:''[18 seconds later]''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within.
:Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin.
:So, you go. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Kirby''':
:''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease.
:You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Lampy''':
:''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight.
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪''
:'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
:'''Lampy''':
:''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪''
:'''Kirby''':
:''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Blanky''':
:''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ To that City of Light! ♪''
:''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]''
:'''Lampy''':
:'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight,
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
:'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic.
:'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers.
:'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
:'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys!
:'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?!
:'''Kirby''': Yeah!
:'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway?
:'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play!
:''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
:''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]''
:'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line.
:'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual.
:'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today.
:'''Radio''': Yeah.
:''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]''
:''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]''
:'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht!
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]''
:''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
:''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]''
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:'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction?
:'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest.
:'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost.
:'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there.
:'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my.
:'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah!
:''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]''
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:'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light!
:''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]''
:'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here?
:'''Toaster''': Only for a while.
:'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
:'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face.
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter?
:'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap!
:''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]''
:'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner.
:'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish.
:'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.''
:'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome!
:''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
:''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey! Look!
:''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]''
:'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks.
:'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and the Blanket?
:'''Toaster''': What thing?
:'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden.
:'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.
:'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird.
:'''Toaster''': What's weird about it?
:'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means.
:'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow!
:'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah.
:'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master.
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it.
:''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed! To the showers!"'' But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]''
:'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it.
:'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]''
:'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead!
:'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg!
:'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!'''''
:'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!?
:''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!'''''
:''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]''
:'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky! Speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]''
:'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow.
:'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery."
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help!
:'''Toaster''': Hey, listen.
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck!
:'''Toaster''': I hear him.
:'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere.
:'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose.
:'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look!
:''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]''
:'''Blanky''': Help!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]''
:'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!'''''
:'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!'''''
:'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!'''''
:''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]''
:'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out.
:'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump.
:'''Lampy''': How's he look?
:'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later.
:'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me?
:'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby?
:'''Toaster''': You're all right!
:'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay!
:'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!''
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter?
:'''Lampy''': We were worried about you.
:'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' pal.
:'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "pal", so just ''back'' off.
:'''Blanky''': Don't be angry.
:'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya.
:''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby-
:'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway?
:''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]''
:'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.
:'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging.
:'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby.
:''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]]
:'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot!
:'''Radio''': Oh, it's you!
:'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster?
:'''Lampy''': He sank!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]''
:'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you!
:'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time!
:'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up!
:'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all.
:''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]''
:'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right.
:'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you.
:'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off!
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]''
:''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!
:'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know.
:'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
:'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]''
:''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]''
:'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got some of my radio tubes.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rob is packing things for college]''
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear?
:'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks?
:'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to college. It's just college.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit.
:'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother!
<hr width="50%">
:''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]''
:'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh-
:'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it.
:'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can.
:''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]''
:'''Blanky''': He's not home.
:'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait.
:'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside; Relax.
:'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it?
:'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal.
:'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown.
:'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker.
:'''Toaster''': He graduated, too.
:'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard.
:'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
:'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
:'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
:'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV!
:'''Lampy''': How are you doing?
:'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
:'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
:'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed.
:'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it?
:'''Blanky''': Where's the Master?
:''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]''
:'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co---.
:''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey!
:'''Radio''': What's the idea?
:'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness.
:''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]''
:'''Chris''': It's the right address.
:'''Rob''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Blanket''': We did good, didn't we!
:'''Toaster''': Yup. Ahh...We did good.
:'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell!
:'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.
:''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching for joy!
== Taglines ==
* Plug into the adventure!
* Journey into the city of light!
* A little toaster will go on a very big adventure.
* Plug into the fun!
* Perfect movie for children.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster
* [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob
* [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke
* [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum
* [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty
* [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown
* [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft
* [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio
* [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy
* [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV
* [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft
* [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex
* [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}}
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films about technology]]
[[Category:Films based on short fiction]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
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'''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''' or '''''The BLT''''' for short, is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) and titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five electronic computer appliances who go on the quest to search for their master.
:''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].''
:''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].''
{{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Toaster ==
* Good morning, everyone.
* Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
* You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
* ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!'''''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding-
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!
:'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting.
:''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]''
:'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently!
:'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!'''
:''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]''
:'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb!
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna-
:'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
:''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]''
:'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot!
:''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]''
:'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No!
:'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone.
:'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster.
:'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots.
:'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toaster''': Can you see?
:'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him?
:'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here!
:'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]''
:'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky!
:'''Blanky''': Master!
:'''Young Rob''': Blanky!
:''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]''
:'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right?
:'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work.
:''[The appliances put everything back]''
:'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
:''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]''
:'''Blanky''': No, no!
:'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away!
:'''Kirby''': In the garbage!
:'''Blanky''': No, you can't!
:'''Kirby''': Wimp!
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!'''''
:'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway.
:'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts.
:'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt!
:'''Blanky''': Stop it!
:'''Kirby''': Let me have it.
:'''Blanky''': You can't!
:''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no.
:''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]''
:'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at?
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.
:'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us.
:'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.
:'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey!
:'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?
:'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
:'''Blanky''': Uh-huh.
:'''Lampy''': It's a possibility.
:'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.
:'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?
:'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph!
:'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned!
:'''Blanky''': But he loved us.
:'''Radio''': That's right.
:'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.
:'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all-
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple.
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.
:'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so?
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you.
:'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now.
:'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
:'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?!
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials!
:'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!''
:''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]''
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]''
:'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!''
:''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!'''''
:''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!'''''
:''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]''
:'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner.
:'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard.
:'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway.
:'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?
:''[Revving is heard]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars!
:'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it.
:'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close.
:'''Kirby''': Just don't even start!
:'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close.
:''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him!
:'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!?!'''''
:'''Kirby''': What are you talking about?! What do you mean?!
:'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said! We're gonna go out and find the master!
:'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City?
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what.
:'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly?
:'''Toaster''': I-I don't know!
:'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious!
:'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious!
:'''Kirby''': You're insane! ''[backs away]''
:'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved!
:''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?''
:'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound?
:'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane! ''[backs away a little more]''
:'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.
:'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it!
:'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs.
:'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
:'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know.
:'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either.
:'''Lampy''': Lay off.
:'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath!
:'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you.
:'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.
:'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master.
:'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you?
:'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature.
:'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer?
:'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.
:'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.
:'''Toaster''': Good idea.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?"
:''[The appliances look at Kirby]''
:'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong!
:'''Lampy''': And loud!
:'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!''
:'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality.
:'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this.
:''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse.
:'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here.
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel?
:'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about the Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey!
:'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!'''''
:'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, O Magic Carpet.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord.
:'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction?
:'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys.
:'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator.
:'''Lampy''': Navigator?
:'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
:''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]''
:'''Blanky''': '''''OW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': What's wrong?
:'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me!
:'''Lampy''': Did not!
:'''Blanky''': Did ''too!''
:'''Lampy''': Did ''not!''
:'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!'''''
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time?
:'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet?
:'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go.
:'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.
:''[18 seconds later]''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within.
:Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin.
:So, you go. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Kirby''':
:''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease.
:You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Lampy''':
:''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight.
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪''
:'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
:'''Lampy''':
:''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪''
:'''Kirby''':
:''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Blanky''':
:''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ To that City of Light! ♪''
:''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]''
:'''Lampy''':
:'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight,
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
:'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic.
:'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers.
:'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
:'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys!
:'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?!
:'''Kirby''': Yeah!
:'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway?
:'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play!
:''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
:''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]''
:'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line.
:'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual.
:'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today.
:'''Radio''': Yeah.
:''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]''
:''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]''
:'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht!
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]''
:''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
:''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction?
:'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest.
:'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost.
:'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there.
:'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my.
:'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah!
:''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light!
:''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]''
:'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here?
:'''Toaster''': Only for a while.
:'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
:'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face.
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter?
:'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap!
:''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]''
:'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner.
:'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish.
:'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.''
:'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome!
:''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
:''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey! Look!
:''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]''
:'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks.
:'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and the Blanket?
:'''Toaster''': What thing?
:'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden.
:'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.
:'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird.
:'''Toaster''': What's weird about it?
:'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means.
:'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow!
:'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah.
:'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master.
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it.
:''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed! To the showers!"'' But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]''
:'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it.
:'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]''
:'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead!
:'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg!
:'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!'''''
:'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!?
:''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!'''''
:''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]''
:'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky! Speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]''
:'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow.
:'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery."
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help!
:'''Toaster''': Hey, listen.
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck!
:'''Toaster''': I hear him.
:'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere.
:'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose.
:'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look!
:''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]''
:'''Blanky''': Help!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]''
:'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!'''''
:'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!'''''
:'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!'''''
:''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]''
:'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out.
:'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump.
:'''Lampy''': How's he look?
:'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later.
:'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me?
:'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby?
:'''Toaster''': You're all right!
:'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay!
:'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!''
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter?
:'''Lampy''': We were worried about you.
:'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' pal.
:'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "pal", so just ''back'' off.
:'''Blanky''': Don't be angry.
:'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya.
:''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby-
:'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway?
:''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]''
:'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.
:'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging.
:'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby.
:''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]]
:'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot!
:'''Radio''': Oh, it's you!
:'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster?
:'''Lampy''': He sank!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]''
:'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you!
:'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time!
:'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up!
:'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all.
:''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]''
:'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right.
:'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you.
:'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off!
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]''
:''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!
:'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know.
:'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
:'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]''
:''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]''
:'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got some of my radio tubes.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rob is packing things for college]''
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear?
:'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks?
:'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to college. It's just college.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit.
:'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother!
<hr width="50%">
:''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]''
:'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh-
:'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it.
:'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can.
:''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]''
:'''Blanky''': He's not home.
:'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait.
:'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside; Relax.
:'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it?
:'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal.
:'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown.
:'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker.
:'''Toaster''': He graduated, too.
:'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard.
:'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
:'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
:'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
:'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV!
:'''Lampy''': How are you doing?
:'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
:'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
:'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed.
:'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it?
:'''Blanky''': Where's the Master?
:''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]''
:'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co---.
:''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey!
:'''Radio''': What's the idea?
:'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness.
:''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]''
:'''Chris''': It's the right address.
:'''Rob''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Blanket''': We did good, didn't we!
:'''Toaster''': Yup. Ahh...We did good.
:'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell!
:'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.
:''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching for joy!
== Taglines ==
* Plug into the adventure!
* Journey into the city of light!
* A little toaster will go on a very big adventure.
* Plug into the fun!
* Perfect movie for children.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster
* [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob
* [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke
* [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum
* [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty
* [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown
* [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft
* [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio
* [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy
* [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV
* [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft
* [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex
* [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}}
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films about technology]]
[[Category:Films based on short fiction]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
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'''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''' or '''''The BLT''''' for short, is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) and titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five electronic domestic computer appliances who go on the quest to search for their master.
:''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].''
:''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].''
{{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Toaster ==
* Good morning, everyone.
* Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
* You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
* ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!'''''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding-
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!
:'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting.
:''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]''
:'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently!
:'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!'''
:''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]''
:'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb!
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna-
:'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
:''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]''
:'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot!
:''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]''
:'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No!
:'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone.
:'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster.
:'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots.
:'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toaster''': Can you see?
:'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him?
:'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here!
:'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]''
:'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky!
:'''Blanky''': Master!
:'''Young Rob''': Blanky!
:''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]''
:'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right?
:'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work.
:''[The appliances put everything back]''
:'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
:''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]''
:'''Blanky''': No, no!
:'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away!
:'''Kirby''': In the garbage!
:'''Blanky''': No, you can't!
:'''Kirby''': Wimp!
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!'''''
:'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway.
:'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts.
:'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt!
:'''Blanky''': Stop it!
:'''Kirby''': Let me have it.
:'''Blanky''': You can't!
:''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no.
:''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]''
:'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at?
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.
:'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us.
:'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.
:'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey!
:'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?
:'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
:'''Blanky''': Uh-huh.
:'''Lampy''': It's a possibility.
:'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.
:'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?
:'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph!
:'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned!
:'''Blanky''': But he loved us.
:'''Radio''': That's right.
:'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.
:'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all-
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple.
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.
:'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so?
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you.
:'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now.
:'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
:'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?!
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials!
:'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!''
:''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]''
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]''
:'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!''
:''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!'''''
:''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!'''''
:''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]''
:'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner.
:'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard.
:'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway.
:'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?
:''[Revving is heard]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars!
:'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it.
:'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close.
:'''Kirby''': Just don't even start!
:'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close.
:''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him!
:'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!?!'''''
:'''Kirby''': What are you talking about?! What do you mean?!
:'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said! We're gonna go out and find the master!
:'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City?
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what.
:'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly?
:'''Toaster''': I-I don't know!
:'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious!
:'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious!
:'''Kirby''': You're insane! ''[backs away]''
:'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved!
:''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?''
:'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound?
:'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane! ''[backs away a little more]''
:'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.
:'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it!
:'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs.
:'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
:'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know.
:'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either.
:'''Lampy''': Lay off.
:'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath!
:'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you.
:'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.
:'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master.
:'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you?
:'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature.
:'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer?
:'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.
:'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.
:'''Toaster''': Good idea.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?"
:''[The appliances look at Kirby]''
:'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong!
:'''Lampy''': And loud!
:'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!''
:'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality.
:'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this.
:''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse.
:'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here.
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel?
:'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about the Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey!
:'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!'''''
:'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, O Magic Carpet.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord.
:'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction?
:'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys.
:'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator.
:'''Lampy''': Navigator?
:'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
:''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]''
:'''Blanky''': '''''OW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': What's wrong?
:'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me!
:'''Lampy''': Did not!
:'''Blanky''': Did ''too!''
:'''Lampy''': Did ''not!''
:'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!'''''
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time?
:'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet?
:'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go.
:'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.
:''[18 seconds later]''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within.
:Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin.
:So, you go. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Kirby''':
:''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease.
:You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Lampy''':
:''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight.
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪''
:'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
:'''Lampy''':
:''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪''
:'''Kirby''':
:''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Blanky''':
:''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ To that City of Light! ♪''
:''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]''
:'''Lampy''':
:'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight,
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
:'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic.
:'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers.
:'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
:'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys!
:'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?!
:'''Kirby''': Yeah!
:'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway?
:'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play!
:''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
:''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]''
:'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line.
:'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual.
:'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today.
:'''Radio''': Yeah.
:''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]''
:''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]''
:'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht!
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]''
:''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
:''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction?
:'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest.
:'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost.
:'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there.
:'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my.
:'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah!
:''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light!
:''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]''
:'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here?
:'''Toaster''': Only for a while.
:'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
:'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face.
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter?
:'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap!
:''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]''
:'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner.
:'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish.
:'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.''
:'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome!
:''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
:''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey! Look!
:''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]''
:'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks.
:'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and the Blanket?
:'''Toaster''': What thing?
:'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden.
:'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.
:'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird.
:'''Toaster''': What's weird about it?
:'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means.
:'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow!
:'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah.
:'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master.
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it.
:''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed! To the showers!"'' But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]''
:'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it.
:'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]''
:'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead!
:'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg!
:'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!'''''
:'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!?
:''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!'''''
:''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]''
:'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky! Speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]''
:'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow.
:'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery."
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help!
:'''Toaster''': Hey, listen.
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck!
:'''Toaster''': I hear him.
:'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere.
:'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose.
:'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look!
:''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]''
:'''Blanky''': Help!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]''
:'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!'''''
:'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!'''''
:'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!'''''
:''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]''
:'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out.
:'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump.
:'''Lampy''': How's he look?
:'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later.
:'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me?
:'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby?
:'''Toaster''': You're all right!
:'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay!
:'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!''
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter?
:'''Lampy''': We were worried about you.
:'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' pal.
:'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "pal", so just ''back'' off.
:'''Blanky''': Don't be angry.
:'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya.
:''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby-
:'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway?
:''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]''
:'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.
:'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging.
:'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby.
:''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]]
:'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot!
:'''Radio''': Oh, it's you!
:'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster?
:'''Lampy''': He sank!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]''
:'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you!
:'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time!
:'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up!
:'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all.
:''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]''
:'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right.
:'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you.
:'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off!
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]''
:''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!
:'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know.
:'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
:'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]''
:''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]''
:'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got some of my radio tubes.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rob is packing things for college]''
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear?
:'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks?
:'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to college. It's just college.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit.
:'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother!
<hr width="50%">
:''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]''
:'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh-
:'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it.
:'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can.
:''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]''
:'''Blanky''': He's not home.
:'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait.
:'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside; Relax.
:'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it?
:'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal.
:'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown.
:'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker.
:'''Toaster''': He graduated, too.
:'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard.
:'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
:'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
:'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
:'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV!
:'''Lampy''': How are you doing?
:'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
:'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
:'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed.
:'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it?
:'''Blanky''': Where's the Master?
:''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]''
:'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co---.
:''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey!
:'''Radio''': What's the idea?
:'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness.
:''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]''
:'''Chris''': It's the right address.
:'''Rob''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Blanket''': We did good, didn't we!
:'''Toaster''': Yup. Ahh...We did good.
:'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell!
:'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.
:''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching for joy!
== Taglines ==
* Plug into the adventure!
* Journey into the city of light!
* A little toaster will go on a very big adventure.
* Plug into the fun!
* Perfect movie for children.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster
* [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob
* [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke
* [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum
* [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty
* [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown
* [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft
* [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio
* [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy
* [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV
* [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft
* [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex
* [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}}
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films about technology]]
[[Category:Films based on short fiction]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
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'''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''' or '''''The BLT''''' for short, is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) and titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five electronic domestic appliances who go on the quest to search for their master.
:''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].''
:''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].''
{{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Toaster ==
* Good morning, everyone.
* Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
* You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
* ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!'''''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding-
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!
:'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting.
:''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]''
:'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently!
:'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!'''
:''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]''
:'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb!
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna-
:'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
:''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]''
:'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot!
:''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]''
:'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No!
:'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone.
:'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster.
:'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots.
:'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toaster''': Can you see?
:'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him?
:'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here!
:'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]''
:'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky!
:'''Blanky''': Master!
:'''Young Rob''': Blanky!
:''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]''
:'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right?
:'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work.
:''[The appliances put everything back]''
:'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
:''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]''
:'''Blanky''': No, no!
:'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away!
:'''Kirby''': In the garbage!
:'''Blanky''': No, you can't!
:'''Kirby''': Wimp!
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!'''''
:'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway.
:'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts.
:'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt!
:'''Blanky''': Stop it!
:'''Kirby''': Let me have it.
:'''Blanky''': You can't!
:''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no.
:''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]''
:'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at?
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.
:'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us.
:'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.
:'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey!
:'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?
:'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
:'''Blanky''': Uh-huh.
:'''Lampy''': It's a possibility.
:'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.
:'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?
:'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph!
:'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned!
:'''Blanky''': But he loved us.
:'''Radio''': That's right.
:'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.
:'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all-
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple.
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.
:'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so?
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you.
:'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now.
:'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
:'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?!
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials!
:'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!''
:''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]''
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]''
:'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!''
:''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!'''''
:''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!'''''
:''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]''
:'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner.
:'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard.
:'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway.
:'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?
:''[Revving is heard]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars!
:'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it.
:'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close.
:'''Kirby''': Just don't even start!
:'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close.
:''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him!
:'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!?!'''''
:'''Kirby''': What are you talking about?! What do you mean?!
:'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said! We're gonna go out and find the master!
:'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City?
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what.
:'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly?
:'''Toaster''': I-I don't know!
:'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious!
:'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious!
:'''Kirby''': You're insane! ''[backs away]''
:'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved!
:''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?''
:'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound?
:'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane! ''[backs away a little more]''
:'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.
:'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it!
:'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs.
:'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
:'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know.
:'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either.
:'''Lampy''': Lay off.
:'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath!
:'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you.
:'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.
:'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master.
:'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you?
:'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature.
:'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer?
:'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.
:'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.
:'''Toaster''': Good idea.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?"
:''[The appliances look at Kirby]''
:'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong!
:'''Lampy''': And loud!
:'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!''
:'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality.
:'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this.
:''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse.
:'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here.
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel?
:'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about the Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey!
:'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!'''''
:'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, O Magic Carpet.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord.
:'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction?
:'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys.
:'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator.
:'''Lampy''': Navigator?
:'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
:''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]''
:'''Blanky''': '''''OW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': What's wrong?
:'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me!
:'''Lampy''': Did not!
:'''Blanky''': Did ''too!''
:'''Lampy''': Did ''not!''
:'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!'''''
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time?
:'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet?
:'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go.
:'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.
:''[18 seconds later]''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within.
:Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin.
:So, you go. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Kirby''':
:''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease.
:You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Lampy''':
:''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight.
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪''
:'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
:'''Lampy''':
:''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪''
:'''Kirby''':
:''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Blanky''':
:''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ To that City of Light! ♪''
:''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]''
:'''Lampy''':
:'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight,
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
:'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic.
:'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers.
:'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
:'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys!
:'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?!
:'''Kirby''': Yeah!
:'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway?
:'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play!
:''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
:''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]''
:'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line.
:'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual.
:'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today.
:'''Radio''': Yeah.
:''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]''
:''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]''
:'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht!
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]''
:''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
:''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction?
:'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest.
:'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost.
:'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there.
:'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my.
:'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah!
:''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light!
:''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]''
:'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here?
:'''Toaster''': Only for a while.
:'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
:'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face.
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter?
:'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap!
:''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]''
:'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner.
:'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish.
:'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.''
:'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome!
:''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
:''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey! Look!
:''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]''
:'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks.
:'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and the Blanket?
:'''Toaster''': What thing?
:'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden.
:'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.
:'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird.
:'''Toaster''': What's weird about it?
:'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means.
:'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow!
:'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah.
:'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master.
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it.
:''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed! To the showers!"'' But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]''
:'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it.
:'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]''
:'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead!
:'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg!
:'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!'''''
:'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!?
:''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!'''''
:''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]''
:'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky! Speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]''
:'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow.
:'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery."
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help!
:'''Toaster''': Hey, listen.
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck!
:'''Toaster''': I hear him.
:'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere.
:'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose.
:'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look!
:''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]''
:'''Blanky''': Help!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]''
:'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!'''''
:'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!'''''
:'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!'''''
:''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]''
:'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out.
:'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump.
:'''Lampy''': How's he look?
:'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later.
:'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me?
:'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby?
:'''Toaster''': You're all right!
:'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay!
:'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!''
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter?
:'''Lampy''': We were worried about you.
:'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' pal.
:'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "pal", so just ''back'' off.
:'''Blanky''': Don't be angry.
:'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya.
:''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby-
:'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway?
:''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]''
:'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.
:'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging.
:'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby.
:''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]]
:'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot!
:'''Radio''': Oh, it's you!
:'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster?
:'''Lampy''': He sank!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]''
:'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you!
:'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time!
:'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up!
:'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all.
:''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]''
:'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right.
:'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you.
:'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off!
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]''
:''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!
:'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know.
:'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
:'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]''
:''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]''
:'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got some of my radio tubes.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rob is packing things for college]''
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear?
:'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks?
:'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to college. It's just college.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit.
:'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother!
<hr width="50%">
:''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]''
:'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh-
:'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it.
:'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can.
:''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]''
:'''Blanky''': He's not home.
:'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait.
:'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside; Relax.
:'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it?
:'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal.
:'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown.
:'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker.
:'''Toaster''': He graduated, too.
:'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard.
:'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
:'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
:'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
:'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV!
:'''Lampy''': How are you doing?
:'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
:'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
:'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed.
:'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it?
:'''Blanky''': Where's the Master?
:''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]''
:'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co---.
:''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey!
:'''Radio''': What's the idea?
:'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness.
:''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]''
:'''Chris''': It's the right address.
:'''Rob''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Blanket''': We did good, didn't we!
:'''Toaster''': Yup. Ahh...We did good.
:'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell!
:'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.
:''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching for joy!
== Taglines ==
* Plug into the adventure!
* Journey into the city of light!
* A little toaster will go on a very big adventure.
* Plug into the fun!
* Perfect movie for children.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster
* [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob
* [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke
* [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum
* [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty
* [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown
* [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft
* [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio
* [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy
* [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV
* [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft
* [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex
* [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}}
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films about technology]]
[[Category:Films based on short fiction]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Brave Little Toaster (film)|The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances]]''''', otherwise known as '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The BLT: A Bedtime Story for Small Appliances''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Adventures of the BLT''''', '''''The BLT: Brave Little Toaster''''', '''''The Brave Little Toaster''''' or '''''The BLT''''' for short, is a [[w:1987 in film|1987]] [[American]] [[w:animated movie|animated movie]] directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]], written by [[w:Thomas M. Disch|Thomas M. Disch]], produced by [[w:Hyperion Pictures|Hyperion Pictures]], along with [[w:The Kushner-Locke Company|The Kushner-Locke Company]] (who were the original producers) and titles and opticals by [[The Walt Disney Company]]. It follows five electronic domestic computer appliances who go on the quest to search for their master.
:''Directed by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] and [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]].''
:''Music by [[w:David Newman (composer)|David Newman]].''
{{center|'''Plug into the adventure!''' ([[The Brave Little Toaster (film)#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Toaster ==
* Good morning, everyone.
* Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
* You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
* ''[as Blanky blows away by a storm]'' '''''BLANKY!!'''''
== Dialogue ==
:'''Radio''': ''[first lines]'' Good morning, good morning, good morning. That was A-Billion-And-One Strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Aw, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding-
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey, what's this great idea?! I'm attempting to get some sleep!
:'''Radio''': Look buddy, I'm doing a broadcast. Did you mind? ''[lights on]'' WHOA! Not in the face there, pal! Now let me see, uh...Oh, yes, the chimps are protesting.
:''[Next, a small gold lamp named Lampy jumps on the Master's bed to Radio]''
:'''Lampy''': I have the good mind to reset your alarm! Permamently!
:'''Radio''': Sorry, folks. We seem to be experiencing the little technical difficulty, but I'm sure it's nothing we can't '''HANDLE!!'''
:''[Does more radio gibberish until Lampy shuts him off]''
:'''Lampy''': Whew. Can't even hear your own thoughts with the racket around here. ''[Radio shoots up and pushes him right off the bed]'' Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking?! You could've broken my bulb!
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on]'' I'm thinking you think too much, pal. What we need is some wake-up music!
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:'''Lampy''': Hey, come over here. I'm gonna-
:'''Radio''': Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?
:''[Toaster laughs and smiles at Blanky]''
:'''Lampy''': Precisely. A total idiot!
:''[But Blanky accidentally slides on the railing]''
:'''Radio''': If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through the instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley! ''[continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]'' A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! ''[Toaster looks hopefully as Kirby moves forward]'' And here's one for the guys on Fifth Street! Hey! No!
:'''Kirby''': ''[accidentally sucks up Blanky]'' Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?! ''[falls over]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[stops the fighting]'' Hey, guys, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, everyone.
:'''Blanky''': ''[smiling]'' Good morning, Toaster.
:'''Radio''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Hey, Slots.
:'''Lampy''': ''[appearing from under Blanky]'' Salutations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toaster''': Can you see?
:'''Lampy''': Is it him? Is it him?
:'''Radio''': Any news? I'm dying down here!
:'''Toaster''': Is it the master? Is it the master? ''[echoes]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[daydreaming]'' It's him! He's back! ''[dreams that the master gets out of the car and runs up to the cottage]'' It's the Master! ''[flies down the stairs and the door opens]''
:'''Young Rob''': ''[opens the door]'' Blanky!
:'''Blanky''': Master!
:'''Young Rob''': Blanky!
:''[Just as they are about to hug, Rob disappears; rips back to reality, and the car drives past, making Blanky lament]''
:'''Lampy''': Well, was it him? ''[Toaster frowns at him]'' Well, I'm just curious as to whether or not it was him. I hate being left in the dark, you know? ''[sees Blanky comes down; Toaster lands on Kirby]'' I guess we can assume that it wasn't him, right?
:'''Toaster''': Let's get back to work.
:''[The appliances put everything back]''
:'''Radio''': Sorry for that little interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program at this time.
:''[Blanky cries hard while holding the picture of young Rob, their Master, after realizing the Master hasn't returned; then begins to wail loud]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed at Blanky crying, growls]'' Cry, cry, weep, wail 'n' sob, it's disgusting! Every time, I can't believe it, every single - Hey, give me that stupid picture! ''[tries to suck in Rob's picture frame]''
:'''Blanky''': No, no!
:'''Toaster''': I'll just put it away!
:'''Kirby''': In the garbage!
:'''Blanky''': No, you can't!
:'''Kirby''': Wimp!
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Let '''GO!'''''
:'''Kirby''': He's not coming back anyway.
:'''Lampy''': He might. The fact is there's just not enough facts.
:'''Radio''': Fight breaks out in Peaceful Mountain Cottage, shocking the world, and bringing Geneva talks to a grinding halt!
:'''Blanky''': Stop it!
:'''Kirby''': Let me have it.
:'''Blanky''': You can't!
:''[The picture of young Rob flies through this air and crashes, Blanky gasps in shock]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, no.
:''[The other appliances go toward this broken photo stand of Rob, quite suddenly, cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]''
:'''Toaster''': What are ''you'' laughing at?
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[stops laughing and smirks]'' Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.
:'''Lampy''': I think he was laughin' with us.
:'''Air Conditioner''': You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.
:'''Lampy''': Oh, thanks. ''[realizes, then offended]'' Hey!
:'''Air Conditioner''': You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?
:'''Blanky''': Yes. He was our master.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same. Real peachy-keen-like.
:'''Blanky''': Uh-huh.
:'''Lampy''': It's a possibility.
:'''Toaster''': Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.
:'''Air Conditioner''': "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' Why don't you just shut off?!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?
:'''Kirby''': ''[offended]'' Hmph!
:'''Air Conditioner''': What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome: ''[blows the gust of cold wind at the other appliances]'' We've been dumped! Abandoned!
:'''Blanky''': But he loved us.
:'''Radio''': That's right.
:'''Air Conditioner''': So what? He's a kid, he has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.
:'''Toaster''': But maybe, they're all-
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[interrupts]'' He's not coming back, pure and simple.
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Air Conditioner]'' Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.
:'''Blanky''': ''[to Kirby]'' You really think so?
:'''Kirby''': ''[to Blanky]'' I'm not talkin' to you.
:'''Air Conditioner''': The whole bunch of you got to have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[sarcastically]'' That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a babe any time now.
:'''Toaster''': I think you're jealous.
:'''Air Conditioner''': Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.
:'''Lampy''': ''[angrily]'' "Dim"?!
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily]'' Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[blows cold air, angrily]'' So...it's back to ''that'' stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on here? I know what goes on this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because ''you'' can move around, you think you're better than ''I'' am! '''I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS ''DESIGNED'' TO STICK IN A WALL! I ''LIKE'' BEIN' STUCK IN THIS ''STUPID WALL!''''' I can't help it if the kid was too short to reach my dials!
:'''Toaster''': ''[worried]'' We didn't mean it! ''Really!''
:''[The appliances cover themselves from the sparks]''
:'''Air Conditioner''': ''[roaring]'' '''''IT'S MY FUNCTION!!!!!''''' ''[begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth]''
:'''Toaster''': Don't! Wait! ''Wait!''
:''[The other appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''HE'S GONNA BLOW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': '''''YANK YOUR CORDS!'''''
:''[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[behind chair]'' '''''THE FUSE!'''''
:''[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the other appliances see Air Conditioner's blown up remains and his mouthpiece falls off]''
:'''Blanky''': Poor Air Conditioner.
:'''Toaster''': I didn't know he'd take it so hard.
:'''Kirby''': Well, he was a jerk anyway.
:'''Lampy''': ''[hearing something]'' Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?
:''[Revving is heard]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[happily]'' A car!
:'''Kirby''': ''[angrily]'' I don't want to hear another word about cars!
:'''Toaster''': ''[agreeing with Kirby]'' You said it.
:'''Radio''': Sounds pretty close.
:'''Kirby''': Just don't even start!
:'''Lampy''': Sounds ''real'' close.
:''[The other appliances pause for a few seconds, and when they think the Master is gonna pick them up, they hide. But then, they hear the hammer, and look out the window to see "For Sale" sign, Blanky looks shocked. In the next scene, Radio hums "Taps" as the lowers his antenna in the military fashion, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor and Lampy moans sadly]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[angrily] '''STOP IT!!!''' [jumping onto the soapbox]'' We're going out to find him!
:'''Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky''': '''''WHAT?!?!'''''
:'''Kirby''': What are you talking about?! What do you mean?!
:'''Toaster''': Exactly what I said! We're gonna go out and find the master!
:'''Blanky''': ''[scared]'' To the City?
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, no matter what.
:'''Lampy''': Well, how exactly would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly?
:'''Toaster''': I-I don't know!
:'''Kirby''': Oh, come off it! Be serious!
:'''Toaster''': ''[to Kirby; annoyed]'' I ''am'' serious!
:'''Kirby''': You're insane! ''[backs away]''
:'''Radio''': Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems will be solved!
:''[Lampy, Kirby, Blanky and Toaster stare at Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[confused]'' ''What?''
:'''Radio''': Or maybe it was a Basset Hound?
:'''Kirby''': ''[confused]'' You're ''all'' insane! ''[backs away a little more]''
:'''Radio''': It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. ''[country accent]'' In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundreds of miles to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. And he had to find his way across rugged mountain peaks and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.
:'''Toaster''': If a dog can do it, ''we'' can do it!
:'''Blanky''': But a dog has legs.
:'''Toaster''' Ah, don't be a wet blanket.
:'''Lampy''': Actually, legs would help, you know.
:'''Kirby''': Brains wouldn't hurt, either.
:'''Lampy''': Lay off.
:'''Radio''': ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, pipe down, Carpet Breath!
:'''Toaster''': Well, I'm going with or without you.
:'''Kirby''': I'd say we stay. We'll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.
:'''Blanky''': But, I don't want a new master. I want ''our'' master.
:'''Toaster''': Well, what about the rest of you?
:'''Radio''': You boys are going to need a leader! Why, alone, you wouldn't last for five minutes out there! I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the Forces of Nature.
:'''Lampy''': Were you really a mountaineer?
:'''Radio''': Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.
:'''Lampy''': Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.
:'''Toaster''': Good idea.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "World War II, the Normandy Invasion! And who's there but Lampy to light the way?"
:''[The appliances look at Kirby]''
:'''Toaster''': You know, I thought it'd be good to have somebody come along, who's really...strong!
:'''Lampy''': And loud!
:'''Blanky''': And ''grumpy!''
:'''Radio''': And oblivious to reality.
:'''Toaster''': ''[hits his friends in annoyance]'' Well?
:'''Kirby''': ''[pauses, and a few seconds later, he begrudgingly joins in, under his breath]'' I just ''know'' I'm gonna regret this.
:''[The rest of the other appliances cheer]''
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:'''Lampy''': ''[opens fuse box and pulls out last fuse]'' Wow. This was our last fuse.
:'''Toaster''': See? ''[puts last fuse in transmitter]'' It's a good thing we're getting out of here.
:'''Radio''': ''[turns on kitchen light]'' I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the flies clogging up my grille.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah? Well, ''how'' are we going to travel?
:'''Lampy''': Hey, I've got an idea! We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us. ''[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board, and tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]'' No, no, no. Hey! What about the Master's pogo stick? ''[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick, try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]'' No, that's no good. Hey! How about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull? ''[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top, and tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]'' No, no, no. Hey!
:'''Radio''': ''[annoyed]'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Toaster, Kirby and Blanky''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''Shut up!'''''
:'''Radio''': Let's see somebody else try for a change. ''[next scene with the appliances, minus Radio, on Blanky]'' Arise, Hassan. Arise, O Magic Carpet.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': We need a longer cord.
:'''Radio''': Why, we need an alternate power source, I'd say.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': I can't see the road anymore. Are we going the right direction?
:'''Blanky''': I don't think so, unless we can work something out with you guys.
:'''Radio''': Why, you boys are gonna need a navigator.
:'''Lampy''': Navigator?
:'''Radio''': Why, sure. I'll just tune in on a radio signal from the city, see? I can take you right there lickety-split. ''[after going through many staticky radio stations, he finally gets a clear signal from the city]'' North by Northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft.
:''[Kirby moves forward; Lampy lands on Blanky]''
:'''Blanky''': '''''OW!'''''
:'''Toaster''': What's wrong?
:'''Blanky''': ''[angrily; referring to Lampy]'' He stepped on me!
:'''Lampy''': Did not!
:'''Blanky''': Did ''too!''
:'''Lampy''': Did ''not!''
:'''Blanky and Kirby''': ''Did '''too!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[defensively]'' ''Did '''not!'''''
:'''Toaster''': ''[annoyed]'' Hey, hey, hey, come on. How do you guys expect us to get there if you are fighting all the time?
:'''Blanky''': You mean, we're not there yet?
:'''Toaster''': ''[calmly and smiling]'' No, no, not yet, but we will be soon. ''[rubs Blanky's head]'' We got a long way to go.
:'''Kirby''': ''[warily; agreeing with Toaster]'' Oh, boy. You're tellin' me.
:''[18 seconds later]''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Life is like a journey on the road that's within.
:Heads say you should stay, but your heart says to begin.
:So, you go. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Kirby''':
:''♪ But you don't want to go. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Any life worth living isn't life just filled with ease.
:You just stay forgiving through the forest and the trees. ♪''
:'''Toaster and Lampy''':
:''♪ And you'll go...just where you want to go. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight.
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied. ♪''
:'''Toaster, Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride. ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ While I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
:'''Lampy''':
:''♪ Light shines like a diamond in the city at night. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Whenever that diamond shines, you know that everything's all right. ♪''
:'''Kirby''':
:''♪ But you know, we got a way to go. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Let us meet The Master, we don't wanna make him wait. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Blanky''':
:''♪ You just keep a-knockin', He will open up the gates ♪''
:'''Appliances''':
:''♪ To that City of Light! ♪''
:''[Kirby goes behind a tree, doing his business. Blanky looks, and Toaster hits Blanky's head to give Kirby some privacy]''
:'''Lampy''':
:'' ♪ Master is a man with a plan I can understand. ♪''
:'''Toaster''':
:''♪ Master is a man of great reflection. ♪''
:'''Radio''':
:''♪ Master is a man who lays his hand across the land. ♪''
:'''Blanky''':
:''♪ Master is the man of our affection. ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ Time flies by in the City of Light.
:Time stands still in the country.
:There's no time for a fuss and a fight,
:As we travel the land. ♪''
:'''Lampy and Radio''':
:''♪ And I'd be satisfied, just to be not denied ♪''
:'''Everyone''':
:''♪ To reside with some pride, while I ride to the city, The City of Light. ♪''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The other appliances stop at a clearing in a bramble patch]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, everybody! Look! A clearing!
:'''Kirby''': Great. Let's spread out The Blanket and have a picnic.
:'''Blanky''': But I'm full of stickers.
:'''Kirby''': Well, my bags are full of thistles and sticks and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way anyway?
:'''Radio''': Why, it was the Lamp's, I tell you guys!
:'''Lampy''': Oh, yeah?! Who's supposed to be the big-shot navigator around here, Mr. Loudmouth?! Mr. Big...Loudmouth?!
:'''Kirby''': Yeah!
:'''Toaster''': Where are we, anyway?
:'''Radio''': Now, look here, fellas, just give me a second, and, uh- ''[notices the small pebble]'' Whoa, listen to this! It's the top of the 9th, the bases are loaded, and Pee-Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch, ''[kicks the pebble in the air]'' and he connects! ''[hits the pebble with his antenna, which bounces off Toaster, Kirby, and Lampy respectively]'' Oh, and it's the Triple Play!
:''[Kirby and Lampy angrily swarm around Radio]''
:'''Toaster''': Knock it off, you guys! We should all settle down and try to get some sleep.
:''[Lampy drops the rock. Next scene shifts to Lampy laying his head on a rock like a pillow. He hears a sound and sees Radio drawing the dirt circle in the dirt]''
:'''Radio''': ''[about the circle in the dirt]'' This is my sleeping space, see? And ''nobody'' crosses this line.
:'''Lampy''': Yeah? Well, you better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual.
:'''Kirby''': What are ''you'' complaining about? ''You'' didn't do any work today.
:'''Radio''': Yeah.
:''[Blanky crawls to Lampy]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[glares at Blanky]'' Go find your own place to sleep, you little fuzzball. ''[goes to sleep]''
:''[Blanky tries going into Radio's sleeping space]''
:'''Radio''': ''[stops Blanky]'' Watch it! Hey! Hey! Hey! What, are you blind! It's the line. Aht-aht!
:'''Kirby''': ''[annoyed]'' ''Good night!'' ''[falls asleep]''
:''[Blanky tries cuddling up to Toaster, who then wakes up]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[tired, shoos Blanky away]'' Come on. I'm not the Master. Go snuggle someplace else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Now go on.
:''[Blanky looks dejected and sleeps by himself]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': Are you sure this is the right direction?
:'''Radio''': Why certainly sure as I am honest.
:'''Lampy''': In that case we're definitely lost.
:'''Blanky''': But there might be lions in there.
:'''Radio''': ''[mockingly]'' And tigers and bears, oh my.
:'''Lampy''': ''[sarcastically]'' He's such a baby! Waah-waah!
:''[Toaster pushes both Lampy and Radio away in annoyance, and gently rubs Blanky's head, which makes him feel better]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter, Kirby?
:'''Kirby''': Oh, battery's running low. We should give it a rest. So turn out that light!
:''[Lampy does so in annoyance; the appliances stop at a clearing in a dark forest]''
:'''Blanky''': Do we have to stop here?
:'''Toaster''': Only for a while.
:'''Radio''': Just long enough to lose our minds! We'll be cannibals in a few days, I've seen it happen!
:'''Kirby''': And you'd be the first to go, Dial Face.
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys! We can stay in here! Look! ''[turns on his light to reveal a scary face on a tree; the appliances scream in horror and hide in the bushes]'' What's the matter?
:'''Radio''': Eaten alive, the poor sap!
:''[Lampy turns around and sees the scary face]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[scared] '''WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!!''' [runs and joins the others in the bushes]''
:'''Radio''': Oh, I thought you were a goner.
:'''Lampy''': Ah, ya wish.
:'''Toaster''': You know, guys, we ''are'' gonna need ''some'' kind of shelter.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, shelter from the likes of ''them.''
:'''Radio''': ''[imitating boxer]'' Come on over ''here'' and say that, Chrome-Dome!
:''[Lampy blows raspberries at Kirby]''
:'''Kirby''': ''[shocked and angry]'' '''''WHAT?!'''''
:'''Radio''': Oh, sorry about that. I meant to say, "Vacuous Vacuum". ''[Kirby angrily grumbles]'' Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion, Rocko "the Radio" Ratuno. Ding! Oh, and there's the bell! They're on each other like black on a bowling ball!
:''[Radio and Kirby are about to fight but Toaster comes between them]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey! Look!
:''[everyone sees that Blanky has made himself into a tent; next scene switches to the ending of "The Star-Spangled Banner"]''
:'''Radio''': And that concludes our broadcast day. This is Walter Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. ''[static]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[pats Blanky, smiling]'' Thanks.
:'''Blanky''': Oh, that's all right. ''[yawns and falls asleep]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[tapping on the rock, and prepares to go sleep, but then looks at Toaster]'' So, uh, what's this thing with you and the Blanket?
:'''Toaster''': What thing?
:'''Lampy''': You know, all of a sudden, you're being so darn nice to him all of a sudden.
:'''Toaster''': Oh, that. Well, I was just thinking, and I-I got this feeling I should be nicer to him for a change, you know? And now I feel better.
:'''Lampy''': Wow, that's weird.
:'''Toaster''': What's weird about it?
:'''Lampy''': I don't know. I mean, you were never this nice to me before. And now, all of a sudden, you're nice to him all the time, and I don’t know. I'm, uh, I'm just trying to understand, trying to figure out, you know, exactly what it all means.
:'''Toaster''': Well, it's kind of hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. ''[pauses]'' Hmm. It's, uh - Let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. ''[Lampy thinks]'' Well, like a glow!
:'''Lampy''': ''[happily]'' A glow?
:'''Toaster''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah.
:'''Lampy''': I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about The Master.
:'''Toaster''': Yeah, that's it.
:''[Flashback of Lampy and Young Rob, the appliances' Master]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[narrating]'' I remembered the first time my light bulb burned out. ''[the light bulb blows out, and Young Rob takes it out of Lampy]'' And I thought, ''"That's it. It's over! I'm burned out! 86'ed! To the showers!"'' But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb... ''[Rob puts in the new light bulb and goes back to reading]'' ...and I just glowed. ''[the flashback ends, and he turns off his light bulb]''
:'''Toaster''': Well, that is all there is to it.
:'''Lampy''': That's very interesting. ''[pauses]'' Good night, Slot Head. ''[goes to sleep]''
:'''Toaster''': Good night. ''[yawns, then goes to sleep]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[alarmed]'' The battery's gone dead!
:'''Radio''': We're trapped here like rats! Small, little rats with no hair and one leg!
:'''Toaster''': ''[frantic]'' '''''BLANKY! BLANKY!'''''
:'''Kirby''': '''''BLANKET? BLANKET?''''' Where are you, you little wimp?!?
:''[the other appliances call out to Blanky, but Lampy decides to plug into the dead car battery, and a bolt of lightning hits Lampy, which successfully charges the dead car battery, but destroys Lampy's light bulb, the other appliances look on in shock]''
:'''Toaster''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''LAMPY?!'''''
:''[Lampy falls off the chair and loses consciousness, the other appliances go toward the unconscious Lampy as the successfully recharged car battery hums and zaps, and the other appliances sadly stare at the unconscious Lampy, thinking he had died]''
<hr width="50%">
:''[The very next morning, a bird is chirping]''
:'''Toaster''': ''Blanky!'' Blanky, where are you? ''[slowly]'' '''''Blaaaaankyyyyy!'''''
:'''Lampy''': ''[weakly]'' Come on, Blanky! Speak up, for Pete's sake! ''[coughs and zaps]''
:'''Toaster''': No, look, just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him... somehow.
:'''Lampy''': I ''am'' feeling a little burned out.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: "The Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart today for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off for a moment of silence in respect for his act of bravery."
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help!
:'''Toaster''': Hey, listen.
:'''Blanky''': ''[in distance]'' Help me, please! Toaster? Kirby? I'm stuck!
:'''Toaster''': I hear him.
:'''Lampy''': But I can't see him anywhere.
:'''Radio''': ''[thinking Blanky had died]'' Maybe he's calling from Blanket Heaven. He's a little puffy yellow angel with a knob nose.
:'''Kirby''': ''[dismissively]'' He's just stuck in a tree, is all. Look!
:''[The other appliances see Blanky is indeed stuck in a tree]''
:'''Blanky''': Help!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kirby''': ''[see the waterfall, shocked]'' Oh, what's-- What's-- Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[tries to swallow his cord]''
:'''Toaster''': '''''KIRBY, NO!'''''
:'''Lampy''': '''''GET THE CORD OUT OF HIS MOUTH! DON'T LET HIM SWALLOW IT!'''''
:'''Radio''': '''''SWITCH HIM OFF!'''''
:''[Toaster jumps on Kirby and switches him off. A few minutes later, he pushes Kirby while reviving him]''
:'''Lampy''': Just shorted right out.
:'''Radio''': Cracked up and snapped. He sold the farm. Poor chump.
:'''Lampy''': How's he look?
:'''Radio''': ''[to Lampy]'' A little better than you, actually. ''[to Toaster]'' Keep it up, Slots! Even carpet sweeping motions! He should come around sooner or later.
:'''Toaster''': Hey, guys, I think it's working. ''[the other appliances went to him]'' Kirby? Kirby, can you hear me?
:'''Blanky''': Wake up. Wake up. ''[Kirby wakes up]'' Kirby?
:'''Toaster''': You're all right!
:'''Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky''': ''[happily]'' Yay! Yay!
:'''Kirby''': ''[gutteral growl] '''LAY OFF!!!''''' Just ''lay off!''
:'''Toaster''': What's the matter?
:'''Lampy''': We were worried about you.
:'''Radio''': You gave us a ''real scare,'' pal.
:'''Kirby''': Well, there's nothing wrong with ''me,'' "pal", so just ''back'' off.
:'''Blanky''': Don't be angry.
:'''Kirby''': Just keep your antennas and knobs and wires and rivets off my chrome. Who needs you guys, anyway; Got to drag you around all the time, bunch of dead weight? I'd be better-off ''without'' ya.
:''[Toaster, Lampy, Radio, and Blanky are stunned in confusion]''
:'''Blanky''': ''[hurtfully]'' But, Kirby-
:'''Kirby''': Especially ''you,'' you little rag. ''[pauses a few seconds when they hear the waterfall]'' So, uh, how do we get across this thing, anyway?
:''[Scene cuts to Toaster, Lampy, Radio and Blanky tied up cords with Kirby]''
:'''Radio''': I think Houdini did this once. Why, if I remember right, he was out of the hospital in no time.
:'''Lampy''': Well, that's encouraging.
:'''Toaster''': Okay, Kirby.
:''[Kirby swings Toaster to the other side of the cliff near the waterfall, and Toaster tries to pull the others]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey, guys, we're not dead!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Radio''': [[w:Moby Dick|Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of Hell, I...]] ''[pokes Kirby's bags]'' [[w:Moby Dick|...stab at thee!]]
:'''Kirby''': Climb on, you idiot!
:'''Radio''': Oh, it's you!
:'''Kirby''': Where's Toaster?
:'''Lampy''': He sank!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Kirby has just saved Blanky, Lampy, Radio and Toaster from the rapids]''
:'''Radio''': Boy, are we glad to see you!
:'''Lampy''': I really thought I'd turn in my warranty that time!
:'''Radio''': Yeah, until Baggy here showed up!
:'''Kirby''': I just slipped and fell in, is all.
:''[Radio, Lampy and Blanky laugh]''
:'''Lampy''': Yeah, sure. Right.
:'''Blanky''': You can't fool us. We love you.
:'''Radio''': That's right, like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, yeah. Why, here's the shore. Everybody off!
:'''Radio''': Listen to this: This is President Roosevelt awarding The Vacuum the Medal of Honor. ''[places a leaf on Kirby's face and salutes]''
:''[Kirby blows the leaf off his face as Radio and Lampy laugh]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Mish-Mash''': Hey, look at me! I mean, really! Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, lamp, and a shaver! Oh-ho-ho-ho, God, I'm a Mish-Mash!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Toaster''': ''[whispering]'' K-K-Kirby, what should we do?!
:'''Kirby''': I-I-I don't know.
:'''Lampy''': Hey! I got an idea. ''[Elmo St. Peters continues to try doing the operation, Toaster closes the curtains. Elmo looks up; Blanky and Kirby make spooky sounds. As soon as Elmo sees his reflection on Toaster, Kirby laughs like a ghost, as Elmo screams, he runs around and runs into the pole, which knocks him out]'' See? It worked! I told you it would work! I told ya, I told ya, I told ya, I knew, I knew, I knew! It worked!
:'''Megaphone''': '''''JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK! JAILBREAK!''' [imitates a siren]''
:''[The Refrigerator pounds the door down; then, Quadruped goes in the Monster Truck. He almost starts him up, but he puts his seatbelt on first; then, he ignites the Monster Truck and drives away quickly, while the broken appliances run away back to their owners and Toaster and his gang rescue Radio and went off into the city with him and a baby carriage]''
:'''Elmo St. Peters''': ''[wakes up and notices the shack being torn apart]'' Whoa...Uh... ''[confused]'' What?
:'''Zeke''': Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got some of my radio tubes.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rob is packing things for college]''
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' Honey, are you bringing enough underwear?
:'''Rob''': Mom, you brought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm, y'know.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' You have enough socks?
:'''Rob''': ''[looks at the large pile of socks on his bed]'' Look, Mom, I'm not going to Jupiter or anything. I'm going to college. It's just college.
:'''Rob's Mother''': ''[offscreen]'' So, let me worry a little bit.
:'''Rob and his Mother''': I'm your mother!
<hr width="50%">
:''[While trying to find Rob, the other appliances come to the stoplight]''
:'''Toaster''': Oh, excuse me please. Could you tell us how to get to, uh - To, uh-
:'''Lampy''': 2470 McBean Parkway. ''[the stoplight points right and his light turns green; Rob and Chris drove up to the cottage, the same time as the appliances arrive at Rob's apartment]'' A113. This is it.
:'''Toaster''': Go ahead, if you can.
:''[Lampy knocks the door and the other appliances freeze, nothing happens]''
:'''Blanky''': He's not home.
:'''Toaster''': We'll have to wait.
:'''Radio''': So, let's wait inside; Relax.
:'''Lampy''': But I think it's locked. Isn't it?
:'''Radio''': Luckily, guys, my war-training included Inter-Appliance Codes, like this one. I may simply render the Secret Appliance Knock, and we'll be welcomed by the Native Machinery. So step aside, my meager companions. ''[begins to knock the door, then he rapidly taps the heads of Toaster, Lampy and Blanky. The door opens and Plugsy comes out]'' Hiya, pal.
:'''Plugsy''': ''[gasps and dashes back inside and slams the door]'' It's them. ''[he and the other modern appliances whisper inaudibly. Them, the door opens again, and he comes back out calmly]'' How do yuns do? Tarry not upon our doorstop. Please, feel free to enter. ''All'' of yuns.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lampy''': Boy, he sure has grown.
:'''Radio''': Look at him. What a heartbreaker.
:'''Toaster''': He graduated, too.
:'''Kirby''': Of course. He knows how to work hard.
:'''Blanky''': He's all big now. I hope he still needs us.
:'''TV''': Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!
:'''Radio''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Rabbit Ears!
:'''TV''': Why, if it isn't Ol' Loudmouth!
:'''Blanky''': ''[hugs TV]'' Hi, TV!
:'''Lampy''': How are you doing?
:'''TV''': Oh, I've got a few more seasons left.
:'''Toaster''': The cottage just wasn't the same after they took you away.
:'''Kirby''': Yeah, it wasn't as noisy.
:'''TV''': Why, I see ''you'' haven't changed.
:'''Radio''': Kind of gives you a sense of security, doesn't it?
:'''Blanky''': Where's the Master?
:''[Plugsly angrily sneaks up]''
:'''TV''': Didn't anybody tell you? Boy, is he gonna be surprised when he gets back. He just left a little while ago to drive up to the co---.
:''[Plugsy sneaks up behind TV and changes his channel to a Spanish news network. Radio and Lampy find Plugsy]''
:'''Lampy''': Hey!
:'''Radio''': What's the idea?
:'''Plugsy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, many pardons. Were you watching that channel?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Rob''': This sure doesn't look like Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of Total Bargain Madness.
:''[Meanwhile, the magnet starts picking up the appliances]''
:'''Chris''': It's the right address.
:'''Rob''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Blanket''': We did good, didn't we!
:'''Toaster''': Yup. Ahh...We did good.
:'''Lampy''': You know, I've been thinking that this college business seems like a good idea. I could absorb a lot of interesting facts.
:'''Radio''': Listen to this! I'm picking up something. I think it's a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared tonight a national holiday, in honor of those five amazing appliances we've all been hearing about, so lock up the office, take down the top, and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the Starlight Roof high atop the Ritz, we wish our intrepid little friends, the best of luck, and a fond farewell!
:'''Kirby''': Ah, you're all a bunch of junk.
:''[They all laugh as Rob and Chris drive a long way to college]''
:'''Lampy''': ''[offscreen]'' Oh, I'm aching for joy!
== Taglines ==
* Plug into the adventure!
* Journey into the city of light!
* A little toaster will go on a very big adventure.
* Plug into the fun!
* Perfect movie for children.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Deanna Oliver|Deanna Oliver]] as Brave Little Toaster
* [[w:Timothy E. Day|Timothy E. Day]] as Blanky / Young Rob
* [[w:Timothy Stack|Tim Stack]] as Lampy / Zeke
* [[w:Jon Lovitz|Jon Lovitz]] as Radio
* [[w:Thurl Ravenscroft|Thurl Ravenscroft]] as Kirby Old Vacuum
* [[w:Wayne Kaatz|Wayne Kaatz]] as Master Rob McGroarty
* [[Phil Hartman]] as Air Conditioner / Hanging Lamp
* [[w:Joe Ranft|Joe Ranft]] as Pirate Elmo St. Peters / Scary Clown
* [[w:Colette Savage|Colette Savage]] as Chris Caft
* [[w:Jerry Rees|Jerry Rees]] as the singing voice of Radio
* [[w:Randy Bennett|Randy Bennett]] as Tandy
* [[w:Jim Jackman|Jim Jackman]] as Plugsy
* [[w:Jonathan Benair|Jonathan Benair]] as Black and White TV
* [[w:Judy Toll|Judy Toll]] as Mish-Mash / Pierce
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Stern]] as Johnson / Tola McGroarty / Taft
* [[w:Randall William Cook|Randall William Cook]] as Entertainment Complex
* [[w:Louis Conti|Louis Conti]] as Spanish Announcer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia|The Brave Little Toaster (film)}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Brave Little Toaster (film), The}}
[[Category:1987 films]]
[[Category:1980s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films about technology]]
[[Category:Films based on short fiction]]
[[Category:Animated films based on novels]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
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[[File:Coquelicots bleuets champagne sur loue 006.jpg|thumb| As for [[mortal]] [[man]], his [[days]] are like those of green [[grass]]; like a blossom of the [[field]] is the way he blossoms forth. For a mere [[wind]] has to pass over it, and it is no more; and its [[place]] will [[acknowledge]] it no further. But the [[loving]]-[[kindness]] of [[Jehovah]] is from [[time]] indefinite even to time indefinite toward those [[fearing]] him, and his [[righteousness]] to the [[sons]] of sons, to those who keep his [[covenant]] and [[remember]] to [[do]] his [[commandments]]. </br> ~ [[David]] </br> [[Psalms]] 103:15-18]]
'''[[w:Flowers|Flowers]]''', sometimes known as blooms or blossoms, are the reproductive structures found in flowering plants (plants of the division Magnoliophyta, also called angiosperms). The biological function of a flower is to mediate the union of male sperm with female ovum in order to produce [[seeds]]. The process begins with pollination, is followed by fertilization, leading to the formation and dispersal of the seeds. For the higher plants, seeds are the next generation, and serve as the primary means by which individuals of a species are dispersed across the landscape. The grouping of flowers on a plant is called the inflorescence.
In addition to serving as the reproductive organs of flowering plants, flowers have long been admired and used by humans, mainly to beautify their environment but also as a source of food.
==Quotes==
===Generally===
[[File:Alpen-Berufkraut (?) - Jägerkamp - Aiplspitz (9800304986).jpg|thumb|The snowdrop and primrose our woodlands adorn,<br>And violets bathe in the wet o' the morn. ~ [[Robert Burns]]]]
[[File:Bella Coola trip (5892955542).jpg|thumb|Dear common flower, that grow'st beside the way, Fringing the dusty road with harmless gold, First pledge of blithesome May, Which children pluck, and, full of pride uphold. ~ [[James Russell Lowell]]]]
[[File:Cottage border - Flickr - peganum (3).jpg|thumb|The mysteries that cups of flowers infold<br>And'all the gorgeous sights which fairies do behold. ~ [[William Wordsworth]]]]
[[File:A stroll in Cheam Lake Wetlands, Chilliwack, BC - (18291458824).jpg|thumb|Without our fully realizing it, flowers would become for us an expression in form of that which is most high, most sacred, and ultimately formless within ourselves. ~ [[Eckhart Tolle]]]]
[[File:Stilleven met bloemen Rijksmuseum SK-A-3454.jpeg|thumb|Color is the ultimate in art. It is still and will always remain a mystery to us, we can only apprehend it intuitively in flowers. ~ [[W:Philip Otto Runge|Philipp Otto Runge]]]]
* Flowers are the sweetest things that God ever made, and forgot to put a soul into.
** [[Henry Ward Beecher]], ''Life Thoughts'' (1858), p. 234.
* The bud may have a bitter taste,<br>But sweet will be the flower.
** [[William Cowper]], ''Olney hymns'', 'Light Shining Out of Darkness', June 1778.
* Not a flower<br>But shows some touch, in freckle, streak or stain,<br>Of his unrivall'd pencil.
** [[William Cowper]], ''The Task'' (1785), Book VI, line 241.
*As for mortal man, his days are like those of green grass;
:Like a blossom of the field is the way he blossoms forth.
:For a mere wind has to pass over it, and it is no more;
:And its place will acknowledge it no further.
:But the loving-kindness of [[Jehovah]] is from time indefinite even to time indefinite
:Toward those fearing him, and his [[righteousness]] to the sons of sons,
:to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.
:* [[David]], [[Psalms]] 103:15-18
* How cruel of you. What part of what you see here is carefree? If only you could understand the sadness of the ones who grow the delicate flowers of buffoonery, protecting them from but the slightest gust of wind and always on the verge of despair!
** [[Osamu Dazai]], ''[[:w:The Flowers of Buffoonery|The Flowers of Buffoonery]]'' (1935).
* But the flower leaned aside <br> And thought of naught to say, <br> And morning found the breeze <br> A hundred miles away.
** [[Robert Frost]], ''Wind and Window Flower, {{w|A Boy’s Will}}'' (1915)
* There grew a little flower<br>'Neath a great oak tree:<br>When the tempest 'gan to lower<br>Little heeded she:<br>No need had she to cower,<br>For she dreaded not its power –<br>She was happy in the bower<br>Of her great oak tree!<br>Of her great oak tree!<br>Sing hey, Lackaday!<br>Sing hey, Lackaday!<br>Let the tears fall free<br>For the pretty little flower<br>And the great oak tree!
** [[W. S. Gilbert]], from ''Ruddigore'' (1887).
* The flower is the poetry of reproduction. It is an example of the eternal seductiveness of life.
** [[Jean Giraudoux]], ''The Enchanted'' (1933).
* Full many a flower is born to blush unseen<br>And waste its sweetness on the desert air.
** [[Thomas Gray]], ''Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard'' (1751).
* Gather ye Rose-buds while ye may,<br>Old Time is still a-flying;<br>And this same flower that smiles to-day,<br>To-morrow will be dying.
** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time'' (1648).
* Go, happy rose, and, interwove<br>With other flowers, bind my love.<br>Tell her, too, she must not be<br>Longer flowing, longer free,<br>That so oft has fetter'd me.
** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''To the Rose'' (1648).
* Yellow japanned buttercups and star-disked dandelions, just as we see them lying in the grass, like sparks that have leaped from the kindling sun of summer.
** [[Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.]], ''The Professor at the Breakfast Table'' (1859), X.
* Above his head<br>Four lily stalks did their white honours wed<br>To make a coronal; and round him grew<br>All tendrils green, of every bloom and hue,<br>Together intertwined and trammell'd fresh;<br>The vine of glossy sprout; the ivy mesh,<br>Shading its Ethiop berries.
** [[John Keats]], ''Endymion'' (1818), Book IV, line 413.
* Young playmates of the rose and daffodil,<br>Be careful ere ye enter in, to fill<br>Your baskets high<br>With fennel green, and balm, and golden pines<br>Savory latter-mint, and columbines.
** [[John Keats]], ''Endymion'' (1818), Book IV, line 575.
* I sometimes think that never blows so red<br>The Rose as where some buried Caesar bled;<br>That every Hyacinth the Garden wears<br>Dropt in her Lap from some once lovely Head.
** [[Omar Khayyam]], ''[[Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam]]'' (1120), Stanza 19. FitzGerald's translation.
* One thing is certain and the rest is lies;<br>The Flower that once has blown for ever dies.
** Omar Khayyam, ''[[Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam]]'' (1120), Stanza 63. FitzGerald's translation.
*There were flowers in her hair<br>Like an April diadem;
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''Forget-Me-Not, 1844'' (1843, posthumous), ''Love's Signal Flower''
* It is so wrong to think of the beauty of flowers only when they are at their height of blooming; bud and half developed flower, fading blossom and seed pod are as lovely, and often more interesting.
** [[w:Clare Leighton|Clare Leighton]], ''Four Hedges: A Gardener’s Chronicle'', Victor Gollancz, 1935. Also quoted in Murphy, Edward F., ‘’The Crown Treasury of Relevant Quotations’’ , New York : Crown Publishers 1978 (pg. 290).
* Dear common flower, that grow'st beside the way,<br>Fringing the dusty road with harmless gold,<br>First pledge of blithesome May,<br>Which children pluck, and, full of pride uphold.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''[http://www.gaygardener.com/poems/gpoem072.phtml To the Dandelion]'', st. 1.
* "Aye," said Math, "let us seek, thou and I, by our magic and enchantment to conjure a wife for him out of flowers"...And then they took the flowers of the oak, and the flowers of the broom, and the flowers of the meadowsweet, and from those they called forth the very fairest and best endowed maiden that mortal ever saw, and baptized her with the baptism they used at that time, and named her Blodeuedd.
** "[[w:Math ap Mathonwy|Math Son of Mathonwy]]", ''[[Mabinogion]]'' (Jones and Jones, 1989, p. 68).
* Anemones and seas of gold,<br>And new-blown lilies of the river,<br>And those sweet flow'rets that unfold<br>Their buds on Camadera's quiver.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''Lalla Rookh'' (1817), Light of the Harem.
* There is that in the glance of a flower which may at times control the greatest of creation's braggart lords.
** [[John Muir]], ''A Thousand-Mile Walk to the Gulf'' (1916).
* Where flowers degenerate man cannot live.
** [[Napoleon I of France|Napoleon]], as quoted in ''The table talk and opinions of Napoleon Buonaparte'' (1868), p. 148.
* Say it with flowers.
** Patrick O'Keefe (1872-1934); slogan coined in 1917, for the Society of American Florists, as quoted in ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations'' (1999), p. 8.
* I read flowers, not scriptures.
** [[w:Laline Paull|Laline Paull]], ''The Bees'' (2014), cited from the hardcover edition published by Harper Collins {{ISBN|978-0-06-233115-1}}, p. 137
* I know that as night and shadows are good for flowers, and moonlight and dews are better than a continual sun, so is Christ's absence of special use, and that it hath some nourishing virtue in it, and giveth sap to humility, and putteth an edge on hunger, and furnisheth a fair field for faith to put forth itself.
** [[Samuel Rutherford]] <small>Quotes reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895).</small> p. 277.
* Color is the ultimate in art. It is still and will always remain a mystery to us, we can only apprehend it intuitively in flowers.
**[[w:Philipp Otto Runge|Philipp Otto Runge]], in a letter (February 1802) quoted in L. Eitner ''Neoclassicism and Romanticism, 1750-1850: Enlightenment'' (1970), p. 150.
* Thou shalt not lack<br>The flower that's like thy face, pale primrose, nor<br>The azur'd harebell, like thy veins.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Cymbeline]]'' (1611), Act TV, scene 2, line 220.
* These flowers are like the pleasures of the world.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Cymbeline]]'' (1611), Act IV, scene 2, line 296.
* When daisies pied, and violets blue,<br>And lady-smocks all silver-white,<br>And cuckoo-buds of yellow hue<br>Do paint the meadows with delight.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Love's Labour's Lost]]'' (c. 1595-6), Act V, scene 2, line 904.
* In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white;<br>Like sapphire, pearl and rich embroidery.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (c. 1597; published 1602), ActV, scene 5, line 74.
* I know a bank, where the wild thyme blows<br>Where ox-lips, and the nodding violet grows;<br>Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine,<br>With sweet musk-roses, and with eglantine.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[A Midsummer Night's Dream]]'' (c. 1595-96), Act II, scene 1, line 251. Changed by Stervens to "whereon the wild thyme blows," and "luscious woodbine" to "lush woodbine".
* To strew thy green with flowers; the yellows, blues,<br>The purple violets, and marigolds.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Pericles, Prince of Tyre]]'' (c. 1607-08), Act IV, scene 1, line 15.
* The fairest flowers o' the season<br>Are our carnations and streak'd gillyvors.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Winter's Tale]]'' ([[w:The Winter's Tale#Date and text|c. 1610-11]]), Act IV, scene 4, line 81.
* No matter how expensive or beautiful the vase, without the flower, it has no meaning.
** [[Sanu Sharma]], ''Tee Saat Din''
* Age cannot Love destroy,<br>But perfidy can blast the flower,<br>Even when in most unwary hour<br>It blooms in Fancy's bower.<br>Age cannot Love destroy,<br>But perfidy can rend the shrine<br>In which its vermeil splendours shine.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], Untitled (1810); titled "Love's Rose" by William Michael Rossetti in ''Complete Poetical Works of Percy Bysshe Shelley'' (1870).
* The awful shadow of some unseen Power<br>Floats though unseen among us; visiting<br>This various world with as inconstant wing<br>As summer winds that creep from flower to flower;<br>Like moonbeams that behind some piny mountain shower,<br>It visits with inconstant glance<br>Each human heart and countenance;<br>Like hues and harmonies of evening,<br>Like clouds in starlight widely spread,<br>Like memory of music fled,<br>Like aught that for its grace may be<br>Dear, and yet dearer for its mystery.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''[http://www.dundee.ac.uk/english/wics/shelley/shelley11.htm#106 Hymn to Intellectual Beauty]'', st. 1 (1816).
* There grew pied wind-flowers and violets,<br>Daisies, those pearl'd Arcturi of the earth,<br>The constellated flower that never sets;<br>Faint oxlips; tender bluebells at whose birth<br>The sod scarce heaved; and that tall flower that wets<br>Its mother's face with heaven-collected tears,<br>When the low wind, its playmate's voice, it hears.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''[http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poem/1907.html The Question]'', st. 2 (1820).
* And like a prophetess of May<br>Strewed flowers upon the barren way,<br>Making the wintry world appear<br>Like one on whom thou smilest, dear.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''[http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/s/shelley/percy_bysshe/s54cp/section302.html To Jane: The Invitation]'' (1822), line 17.
* So passeth, in the passing of a day,<br>Of mortal life, the leaf, the bud, the flower;<br>No more doth flourish after first decay,<br> That erst was sought to deck both bed and bower<br> Of many a lady and many a paramour.<br> Gather therefore the rose whilst yet in prime, <br> For soon comes age that will her pride deflower.<br> Gather the rose of love whilst yet in time,<br> Whilst loving thou mayst loved be with equal crime.
** [[Edmund Spenser]], ''The Faerie Queene'' (1589-96), Book II, Canto XII, Stanza 75.
* Roses red and violets blew,<br>And all the sweetest flowres that in the forrest grew.
** [[Edmund Spenser]], ''The Faerie Queene'' (1589-96), Book HI, Canto VI, Stanza 6.
* There has fallen a splendid tear<br>From the passion-flower at the gate.<br>She is coming, my dove, my dear;<br>She is coming, my life, my fate;<br>The red rose cries, "She is near, she is near;"<br>And the white rose weeps, "She is late;"<br>The larkspur listens, "I hear, I hear;"<br>And the lily whispers, "I wait."
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''[http://home.att.net/%7ETennysonPoetry/mm.htm Maud; A Monodrama]'' (1855), Part I, section xxii, stanza 10.
* The slender acacia would not shake<br>One long milk-bloom on the tree;<br>The white lake-blossom fell into the lake<br>As the pimpernel dozed on the lea;<br>But the rose was awake all night for your sake,<br>Knowing your promise to me;<br>The lilies and roses were all awake,<br>They sighed for the dawn and thee.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Maud; A Monodrama'' (1855), Part XXII, Stanza 8.
* The daisy, primrose, violet darkly blue;<br>And polyanthus of unnumbered dyes.
** [[James Thomson (poet)|James Thomson]], ''The Seasons'', ''Spring'' (1728), line 529.
*One morning just after sunrise: The first flower ever to appear on the planet opens up to receive the rays of the sun. Prior to this momentous event that heralds an [[evolutionary]] [[transformation]] in the life of plants, the planet had already been covered in vegetation for millions of years... Much later, those delicate and fragrant beings we call flowers would come to play an essential part in the evolution of [[consciousness]] of another species. Humans would increasingly be drawn to and fascinated by them. As the consciousness of human beings developed, flowers were most likely the first thing they came to value that had no utilitarian purpose for them, that is to say, was not linked in some way to survival. They provided inspiration to countless artists, poets, and mystics... Jesus tells us to contemplate the flowers and learn from then how to live. The Buddha is said to have given a “silent sermon” once during which he held up a flower and gazed at it. After a while, one of those present, a monk called Mahakasyapa, began to smile... Seeing beauty in a flower could [[awaken]] humans, however briefly, to the beauty that is an essential part of their own innermost being, their true nature.
**[[Eckhart Tolle|Eckhart Tolle,]] in [[A New Earth|''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose'']] (2005)
*The first recognition of [[beauty]] was one of the most significant events in the evolution of human consciousness. The feelings of joy and love are intrinsically connected to that recognition. Without our fully realizing it, flowers would become for us an expression in form of that which is most high, most sacred, and ultimately formless within ourselves. Flowers... would become like messengers from another realm, like a bridge between the world of physical forms and the formless. They not only had a scent that was delicate and pleasing to humans, but also brought a fragrance from the realm of spirit. Using the word “[[Enlightenment (spiritual)|enlightenment]]” in a wider sense than the conventionally accepted one, we could look upon flowers as the enlightenment of plants.
**[[Eckhart Tolle|Eckhart Tolle,]] in ''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose'' (2005)
* One cannot grow fine flowers in a thin soil.
** [[Virginia Woolf]], ''Women and Writing'' (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1979), p. 54. Also in {{cite book |title=The Essays of Virginia Woolf: 1929-1932 |date=1986 |publisher=Hogarth Press |isbn=978-0-7012-0670-3 |page=122 |url=https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Essays_of_Virginia_Woolf_1929_1932/gZYrAQAAIAAJ?hl=en-419&gbpv=1&bsq=%22One+cannot+grow+fine+flowers+in+a+thin+soil.%22&dq=%22One+cannot+grow+fine+flowers+in+a+thin+soil.%22&printsec=frontcover}}
* Now when the primrose makes a splendid show,<br>And lilies face the March-winds in full blow,<br>And humbler growths as moved with one desire<br>Put on, to welcome spring, their best attire,<br>Poor Robin is yet flowerless; but how gay<br>With his red stalks upon this sunny day!
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Poor Robin'' (1847).
* To me the meanest flower that blows can give<br>Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood'' (1803).
====''Paradise Lost''====
:<small>Quotes reported in [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667, 1674).</small>
* Flowers of all hue, and without thorn the rose.
** Book IV, line 256.
* A wilderness of sweets.
** Book V, line 294.
* The bright consummate flower.
** Book V, line 481.
* And touched by her fair tendance, gladlier grew.
** Book VIII, line 47.
* Just then return'd at shut of evening flowers.
** Book EX, line 278.
====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) ====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 315-320.</small>
* Sweet letters of the angel tongue,<br>I've loved ye long and well,<br>And never have failed in your fragrance sweet<br>To find some secret spell, , <br>A charm that has bound me with witching power,<br>For mine is the old belief,<br>That midst your sweets and midst your bloom,<br>There's a soul in every leaf!
** [[M. M. Ballou]], ''Flowers''.
* Take the flower from my breast, I pray thee,<br>Take the flower, too, from out my tresses:<br>And then go hence; for, see, the night is fair,<br>The stars rejoice to watch thee on thy way.
** ''Third Poem in Bard of the Dimbovitza''; Rumanian Folksongs. Collected by Helens Vacaresco. English by Carmen Sylva and Alma Strettell. (Quoted by Galsworthy, on fly leaf of The Dark Flower).
* As for marigolds, poppies, hollyhocks, and valorous sunflowers, we shall never have a garden without them, both for their own sake, and for the sake of old-fashioned folks, who used to love them.
** [[Henry Ward Beecher]], ''Star Papers'', ''A Discourse of Flowers''.
* Flowers have an expression of countenance as much as men or animals. Some seem to smile; some have a sad expression; some are pensive and diffident; others again are plain, honest and upright, like, the broad-faced sunflower and the hollyhock.
** [[Henry Ward Beecher]], ''Star Papers'', ''A Discourse of Flowers''.
* Flowers are Love's truest language; they betray,<br>Like the divining rods of Magi old,<br>Where precious wealth lies buried, not of gold,<br>But love, strong love, that never can decay!
** [[Park Benjamin]], ''Sonnet'', ''Flowers, Love's Truest Language''.
* Thick on the woodland floor<br>Gay company shall be,<br>Primrose and Hyacinth<br>And frail Anemone,<br>Perennial Strawberry-bloom,<br>Woodsorrel's pencilled veil,<br>Dishevel'd Willow-weed<br>And Orchis purple and pale.
** [[Robert Bridges]], ''Idle Flowers''.
* I have loved flowers that fade,<br>Within whose magic tents<br>Rich hues have marriage made<br>With sweet unmemoried scents.
** [[Robert Bridges]], ''Shorter Poems'', Book n. 13.
* Brazen helm of daffodillies,<br>With a glitter toward the light.<br>Purple violets for the mouth,<br>Breathing perfumes west and south;<br>And a sword of flashing lilies,<br>Holden ready for the fight.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Hector in the Garden''.
* Ah, ah, Qytherea! Adonis is dead.<br>She wept tear after tear, with the blood which was shed, , <br>And both turned into flowers for the earth's<br>Her tears, to the wind-flower, his blood, to the rose.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Lament for Adonis'', Stanza 6.
* The flower-girl's prayer to buy roses and pinks,<br>Held out in the smoke, like stars by day.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''The Soul's Travelling''.
* Yet here's eglantine,<br>Here's ivy!, take them as I used to do<br>Thy flowers, and keep them where they shall not pine.<br>Instruct thine eyes to keep their colours true,<br>And tell thy soul their roots are left in mine.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], translated from the Portuguese. XLIV.
* The windflower and the violet, they perished long ago,<br>And the brier-rose and the orchis died amid the summer glow;<br>But on the hills the golden-rod, and the aster in the wood,<br>And the yellow sunflower by the brook, in autumn beauty stood,<br>Till fell the frost from the clear cold heaven, as falls the plague on men,<br>And the brightness of their smile was gone, from upland glade and glen.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''Death of the Flowers''.
* Where fall the tears of love the rose appears,<br>And where the ground is bright with friendship's tears,<br>Forget-me-not, and violets, heavenly blue,<br>Spring glittering with the cheerful drops like dew.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], translation of N. Miller's ''Paradise of Tears''.
* Who that has loved knows not the tender tale<br>Which flowers reveal, when lips are coy to tell?
** [[Edward Bulwer-Lytton]], ''Corn Flowers. The First Violets'', Book I, Stanza 1.
* Mourn, little harebells, o'er the lea;<br>Ye stately foxgloves fair to see!<br>Ye woodbines, hanging bonnilie<br>In scented bowers!<br>Ye roses on your thorny tree<br>The first o' flow'rs.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''Elegy on Capt. Matthew Henderson''.
* Now blooms the lily by the bank,<br>The primrose down the brae;<br>The hawthorn's budding in the glen,<br>And milkwhite is the slae.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''Lament of Mary, Queen of Scots''.
* The snowdrop and primrose our woodlands adorn,<br>And violets bathe in the wet o' the morn.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''My Nannie's Awa''.
* Rose, what is become of thy delicate hue?<br>And where is the violet's beautiful blue?<br>Does aught of its sweetness the blossom beguile?<br>That meadow, those daisies, why do they not smile?
** [[John Byrom]], ''A Pastoral'', Stanza 8.
* Ye field flowers! the gardens eclipse you 'tis true:<br>Yet wildings of nature, I dote upon you,<br>For ye waft me to summers of old,<br>When the earth teem'd around me with fairy delight,<br>And when daisies and buttercups gladden 'd my sight,<br>Like treasures of silver and gold.
** [[Thomas Campbell]], ''Field Flowers''.
* The berries of the brier rose<br>Have lost their rounded pride:<br>The bitter-sweet chrysanthemums<br>Are drooping heavy-eyed.
** [[Alice Cary]], ''Faded Leaves''.
* I know not which I love the most,<br>Nor which the comeliest shows,<br>The timid, bashful violet<br>Or the royal-hearted rose:<br>The pansy in her purple dress,<br>The pink with cheek of red,<br>Or the faint, fair heliotrope, who hangs,<br>Like a bashful maid her head.
** [[Phoebe Cary]], ''Spring Flowers''.
* They know the time to go!<br>The fairy clocks strike their inaudible hour<br>In field and woodland, and each punctual flower<br>Bows at the signal an obedient head<br>And hastes to bed.
** [[Susan Coolidge]], ''Time to Go''.
* Flowers are words<br>Which even a babe may understand.
** [[Bishop Coxe]], ''The Singing of Birds''.
* And all the meadows, wide unrolled,<br>Were green and silver, green and gold,<br>Where buttercups and daisies spun<br>Their shining tissues in the sun.
** [[Julia C. R. Dorr]], ''Unanswered''.
* The harebells nod as she passes by,<br>The violet lifts its tender eye,<br>The ferns bend her steps to greet,<br>And the mosses creep to her dancing feet.
** [[Julia C. R. Dorr]], ''Over the Wall''.
* Up from the gardens floated the perfume<br>Of roses and myrtle, in their perfect bloom.
** [[Julia C. R. Dorr]], ''Vashti's Scroll'', line 91.
* The rose is fragrant, but it fades in time:<br>The violet sweet, but quickly past the prime*<br>White lilies hang their heads, and soon decay,<br>And white snow in minutes melts away.
** [[John Dryden]], translation, from Theocritus. ''The Despairing Lover'', line 57.
* The flowers of the forest are a' wede away.
** [[Jane Elliott]], ''The Flowers of the Forest''.
* Why does the rose her grateful fragrance yield,<br>And yellow cowslips paint the smiling field?
** [[John Gay]], ''Panthea'', line 71.
* They speak of hope to the fainting heart,<br>With a voice of promise they come and part,<br>They sleep in dust through the wintry hours,<br>They break forth in glory, bring flowers, bright flowers!
** [[Felicia Hemans]], ''Bring Flowers''.
* Through the laburnum's dropping gold<br>Rose the light shaft of orient mould,<br>And Europe's violets, faintly sweet,<br>Purpled the moss-beds at its feet.
** [[Felicia Hemans]], ''Palm-Tree''.
* Faire pledges of a fruitful tree<br>Why do yee fall so fast?<br>Your date is not so past<br>But you may stay yet here awhile<br>To blush and gently smile<br>And go at last.
** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''To Blossoms''.
* The daisy is fair, the day-lily rare,<br>The bud o' the rose as sweet as it's bonnie.
** [[James Hogg]], ''Avid Joe Nicolson's Nannie''.
* What are the flowers of Scotland,<br>All others that excel?<br>The lovely flowers of Scotland,<br>All others that excel!<br>The thistle's purple bonnet,<br>And bonny heather bell,<br>Oh, they're the flowers of Scotland.<br>All others that excel!
** [[James Hogg]], ''The Flowers of Scotland''.
* I remember, I remember<br>The roses, red and white,<br>The violets, and the lily-cups,<br>Those flowers made of light!<br>The lilacs, where the robin built,<br>And where my brother set<br>The laburnum on his birthday, , <br>The tree is living yet.
** [[Thomas Hood]], ''I Remember, I Remember''.
* I may not to the world impart<br>The secret of its power,<br>But treasured in my inmost heart<br>I keep my faded flower.
** [[Ellen C. Howarth]], ''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Tis but a Little Faded Flower''.
* 'Tis but a little faded flower,<br>But oh, how fondly dear!<br>'Twill bring me back one golden hour,<br>Through many a weary year.
** [[Ellen C. Howarth]], ''<nowiki>'</nowiki>Tis but a Little Faded Flower''.
* Growing one's own choice words and fancies<br>In orange tubs, and beds of pansies;<br>One's sighs and passionate declarations,<br>In odorous rhetoric of carnations.
** [[Leigh Hunt]], ''Love-Letters Made of Flowers''.
* Roses, and pinks, and violets, to adorn<br>The shrine of Flora in her early May.
** [[John Keats]], ''Dedication to Leigh Hunt''.
* * * * the rose<br>Blendeth its odor with the violet, <br>Solution sweet.
** [[John Keats]], ''Eve of St. Agnes'', Stanza 36.
* And O and O,<br>The daisies blow,<br>And the primroses are waken'd;<br>And the violets white<br>Sit in silver plight,<br>And the green bud's as long as the spike end.
** [[John Keats]], in a letter to Haydon.
* Underneath large blue-bells tented<br>Where the daisies are rose-scented,<br>And the rose herself has got<br>Perfume which on earth is not.
** [[John Keats]], ''Ode'', ''Bards of Passion and of Mirth''.
* And the rose herself has got<br>Perfume which on earth is not.
** [[John Keats]], ''Ode'', ''Bards of Passion and of Mirth''.
* The loveliest flowers the closest cling to earth,<br>And they first feel the sun: so violets blue;<br>So the soft star-like primrose, drenched in dew , <br>The happiest of Spring's happy, fragrant birth.
** [[John Keble]], ''Miscellaneous Poems''. ''Spring Show''.
* Spake full well, in language quaint and olden,<br>One who dwelleth by the castled Rhine,<br>When he called the flowers, so blue and golden,<br>Stars, that in the earth's firmament do shine.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Flowers'', Stanza 1.
* Gorgeous flowerets in the sunlight shining,<br>Blossoms flaunting in the eye of day,<br>Tremulous leaves, with soft and silver lining,<br>Buds that open only to decay.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Flowers'', Stanza 6.
* The flaming rose gloomed swarthy red; <br>The borage gleams more blue;<br>And low white flowers, with starry head,<br>Glimmer the rich dusk through.
** [[George MacDonald]], ''Songs of the Summer Night'', Part in.
* And I will make thee beds of roses,<br>And a thousand fragrant posies.
** [[Christopher Marlowe]], ''The Passionate Shepherd to his Love''.
* The foxglove, with its stately bells<br>Of purple, shall adorn thy dells;<br>The wallflower, on each rifted rock,<br>From liberal blossoms shall breathe down,<br>(Gold blossoms frecked with iron-brown,)<br>Its fragrance; while the hollyhock,<br>The pink, and the carnation vie<br>With lupin and with lavender,<br>To decorate the fading year;<br>And larkspurs, many-hued, shall drive<br>Gloom from the groves, where red leaves lie,<br>And Nature seems but half alive.
** [[D. M. Moir]], ''The Birth of the Flowers'', Stanza 14.
* Yet, no, not words, for they<br>But half can tell love's feeling;<br>Sweet flowers alone can say<br>What passion fears revealing:<br>A once bright rose's wither'd leaf,<br>A tow'ring lily broken, , <br>Oh, these may paint a grief<br>No words could e'er have spoken.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''The Language of Flowers''.
* The Wreath's of brightest myrtle wove<br>With brilliant tears of bliss among it,<br>And many a rose leaf cull'd by Love<br>To heal his lips when bees have stung it.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''The Wreath and the Chain''.
* Forget-me-not, and violets, heavenly blue,<br>Spring, glittering with the cheerful drops like dew.
** [[N. Muller]], ''The Paradise of Tears''. translation. by Bryant.
*"A milkweed, and a buttercup, and cowslip,"<br>said sweet Mary,<br>"Are growing in my garden-plot, and this I call<br>my dairy."
** [[Peter Newell]], ''Her Dairy''.
*"Of what are you afraid, my child?" inquired the kindly teacher.<br>"Oh, sir! the flowers, they are wild," replied the timid creature.
** [[Peter Newell]], ''Wild Flowers''.
* He bore a simple wild-flower wreath:<br>Narcissus, and the sweet brier rose;<br>Vervain, and flexile thyme, that breathe<br>Rich fragrance; modest heath, that glows<br>With purple bells; the amaranth bright,<br>That no decay, nor fading knows,<br>Like true love's holiest, rarest light;<br>And every purest flower, that blows<br>In that sweet time, which Love most blesses,<br>When spring on summer's confines presses.
** [[Thomas Love Peacock]], ''Rhododaphne'', Canto I, line 107.
* In Eastern lands they talk in flowers,<br>And they tell in a garland their loves and cares;<br>Each blossom that blooms in their garden bowers,<br>On its leaves a mystic language Dears.
** Percival, ''The Language of Flowers''.
* Here blushing Flora paints th' enamell'd ground.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Windsor Forest''.
* Here eglantine embalm'd the air,<br>Hawthorne and hazel mingled there;<br>The primrose pale, and violet flower,<br>Found in each cliff a narrow bower;<br>Fox-glove and nightshade, side by side,<br>Emblems of punishment and pride,<br>Group'd their dark hues with every stain<br>The weather-beaten crags retain.
** [[Walter Scott]], ''The Lady of the Lake'', Canto I, Stanza 12.
* There grew pied wind-flowers and violets,<br>Daisies, those pearled Arcturi of the earth,<br>The constellated flower that never sets.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''The Question''.
* Day stars ! that ope your frownless eyes to twinkle<br>From rainbow galaxies of earth's creation,<br>And dew-drops on her lonely altars sprinkle<br>As a [[libation]].
** [[Horace Smith]], ''Hymn to the Flowers''.
* Ye bright Mosaics! that with storied beauty,<br>The floor of Nature's temple tesselate,<br>What numerous emblems of instructive duty<br>Your forms create!
** [[Horace Smith]], ''Hymn to the Flowers''.
* Sweet is the [[rose]], but grows upon a brere;<br>Sweet is the juniper, but sharp his bough;<br>Sweet is the eglantine, but sticketh nere;<br>Sweet is the firbloome, but its braunches rough;<br>Sweet is the cypress, but its rynd is tough;<br>Sweet is the [[Nut (fruit)|nut]], but bitter is his pill;<br>Sweet is the broome-flowre, but yet sowre enough;<br>And sweet is moly, but his root is ill.
** [[Edmund Spenser]], ''Amoretti'', Sonnet XXVI.
* The violets ope their purple heads;<br>The roses blow, the cowslip springs.
** [[Jonathan Swift]], ''Answer to a Scandalous Poem'', line 150.
* Primrose-eyes each morning ope<br>In their cool, deep beds of grass;<br>Violets make the air that pass<br>Tell-tales of their fragrant slope.
** [[Bayard Taylor]], ''Home and Travel'', ''the Cloven Pine'', line 57.
* The aquilegia sprinkled on the rocks<br>A scarlet rain; the yellow violet<br>Sat in the chariot of its leaves; the phlox<br>Held spikes of purple flame in meadows wet,<br>And all the streams with vernal-scented reed<br>Were fringed, and streaky bells of miskodeed.
** [[Bayard Taylor]], ''Home and Travel'', ''Mon-Da-Min'', Stanza 17.
* With roses musky-breathed,<br>And drooping daffodilly,<br>And silver-leaved lily.<br>And ivy darkly-wreathed,<br>I wove a crown before her,<br>For her I love so dearly.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Anacreontics''.
* The gold-eyed kingcups fine,<br>The frail bluebell peereth over<br>Rare broidery of the purple clover.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''A Dirge'', Stanza 6.
* Here are cool mosses deep,<br>And thro' the moss the ivies creep,<br>And in the stream the long-leaved flowers weep,<br>And from the craggy ledge the poppy hangs in sleep.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Lotos-Eaters'', Choric Song, Part I.
*Earth, 114 million years ago, one morning just after sunrise: The first flower ever to appear on the planet opens up to receive the rays of the sun. Prior to this momentous event that heralds an evolutionary transformation in the life of plants, the planet had already been covered in vegetation for millions of years. The first flower probably did not survive for long, and flowers must have remained rare and isolated phenomena, since conditions were most likely not yet favorable for a widespread flowering to occur. One day, however, a critical threshold was reached, and suddenly there would have been an explosion of color and scent all over the planet – if a perceiving [[consciousness]] had been there to witness it. Much later, those delicate and fragrant beings we call flowers would come to play an essential part in the evolution of consciousness of another species. Humans would increasingly be drawn to and fascinated by them.
**[[Eckhart Tolle]], [[A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose|''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose'']] (2005)
*As the consciousness of human beings developed, flowers were most likely the first thing they came to value that had no utilitarian purpose for them, that is to say, was not linked in some way to survival. They provided inspiration to countless artists, poets, and mystics. [[Jesus]] tells us to contemplate the flowers and learn from then how to live. [[The Buddha]] is said to have given a “silent sermon” once during which he held up a flower and gazed at it. After a while, one of those present, a monk called [[W:Mahakasyapa|Mahakasyapa]], began to smile. He is said to have been the only one who had understood the sermon. According to legend, that smile (that is to say, [[realization]]) was handed down by twentyeight successive masters and much later became the origin of [[Zen]].
**[[Eckhart Tolle]], ''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose'' (2005)
*Seeing [[beauty]] in a flower could [[awaken]] humans, however briefly, to the beauty that is an essential part of their own innermost being, their [[Higher self|true nature]]. The first recognition of [[beauty]] was one of the most significant events in the [[evolution]] of human [[consciousness]]. The feelings of [[joy]] and [[love]] are intrinsically connected to that recognition. Without our fully realizing it, flowers would become for us an expression in form of that which is most high, most sacred, and ultimately formless within ourselves. Flowers... would become like messengers from another realm, like a bridge between the world of physical forms and the formless. They not only had a scent that was delicate and pleasing to humans, but also brought a fragrance from the realm of spirit. Using the word [[“enlightenment”]] in a wider sense than the conventionally accepted one, we could look upon flowers as the enlightenment of plants... they are, of course, temporary manifestations of the underlying one Life, one Consciousness. Their special significance and the reason why humans feel such fascination for and affinity with them can be attributed to their ethereal quality.
**[[Eckhart Tolle]], [[A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose|''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose'']] (2005)
*Along the river's summer walk,<br>The withered tufts of asters nod;<br>And trembles on its arid stalk<br>The hoar plume of the golden-rod.<br>And on a ground of sombre fir,<br>And azure-studded juniper,<br>The silver birch its buds of purple shows,<br>And scarlet berries tell where bloomed the sweet wild-rose!
** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]]'', ''The Last Walk in Autumn''.
*But when they had unloosed the linen band,<br>Which swathed the Egyptian's body, lo! was found,<br>Closed in the wasted hollow of her hand,<br>A little seed, which, sown in English ground,<br>Did wondrous snow of starry blossoms bear,<br>And spread rich odours through our springtide air.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], ''Athanasia'', Stanza 2.
* The very flowers are sacred to the poor.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Admonition''.
* To me the meanest flower that blows can give<br>Thoughts that do often he too deep for tears.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Intimations of Immortality''.
* And 'tis my faith that every flower<br>Enjoys the air it breathes.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Lines Written in Early Spring''.
* The flower of sweetest smell is shy and lowly.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Sonnet. Not Love, Not War, Nor, etc''.
* Hope smiled when your nativity was cast,<br>Children of Summer!
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Staffa Sonnets'', ''Flowers on the Top of the Pillars at the Entrance of the Cave''.
* The mysteries that cups of flowers infold<br>And'all the gorgeous sights which fairies do behold.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Stanzas written in Thomson's Castle of Indolence''.
* There bloomed the strawberry of the wilderness;<br>The trembling eyebright showed her sapphire blue,<br>The thyme her purple, like the blush of Even;<br>And if the breath of some to no caress<br>Invited, forth they peeped so fair to view,<br>All kinds alike seemed favourites of Heaven.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''The River Duddon'', ''Flowers'', VI.
* Pansies, lilies, kingcups, daisies,<br>Let them live upon their praises.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''To the Small Celandine''.
===Specific types===
====[[w:Anemone|Anemone]]====
[[File:Anemones5.jpg|thumb|right|Thy subtle charm is strangely given,<br>My fancy will not let thee be, , <br>Then poise not thus 'twixt earth and heaven,<br>O white anemone!]]
[[File:Anemones in a Vase - Piet Mondriaan - 1906.jpg|thumb|right|Anemone, so well<br>Named of the wind, to which thou art all free.]]
* Within the woods,<br>Whose young and half transparent leaves scarce cast<br>A shade, gray circles of anemones<br>Danced on their stalks.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''The Old Man's Counsel'' (1840), published in ''The United States Magazine and Democratic Review'' (1840), p. 111.
* From the soft wing of vernal breezes shed,<br>Anemones, auritulas, enriched<br>With shining meal o'er all their velvet leaves.
** [[James Thomson (poet)|James Thomson]], ''The Seasons'', ''Spring'' (1728), line 533.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 26.</small>
* Thy subtle charm is strangely given,<br>My fancy will not let thee be,<br>Then poise not thus 'twixt earth and heaven,<br>O white anemone!
** [[Elaine Goodale]], ''Anemone''.
* Anemone, so well<br>Named of the wind, to which thou art all free.
** [[George MacDonald]], ''Wild Flowers'', line 9.
* Or, bide thou where the poppy blows<br>With windflowers frail and fair.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''The Arctic Lover''.
* The little windflower, whose just opened eye<br>Is blue as the spring heaven it gazes at.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''A Winter Piece''.
* The starry, fragile windflower,<br> Poised above in airy grace,<br>Virgin white, suffused with blushes,<br> Shyly droops her lovely face.
** [[Elaine Goodale]], ''The First Flowers''.
* Thou lookest up with meek, confiding eye<br> Upon the clouded smile of April's face,<br>Unharmed though Winter stands uncertain by,<br> Eyeing with jealous glance each opening grace.
** [[Jones Very]], ''The Windflower''.
----
====[[w:Almond|Almond]] <small>(''Amygdalus communis'')</small>====
[[File:Almond blossom02 aug 2007.jpg|thumb|right|White as the blossoms which the almond tree,<br>Above its bald and leafless branches bears.]]
* Like to an almond tree ymounted hye<br>On top of greene Selinis all alone,<br>With blossoms brave bedecked daintily;<br>Whose tender locks do tremble every one,<br>At everie little breath, that under heaven is blowne.
** [[Edmund Spenser]], ''The Faerie Queene'' (1589-96), Book I, Canto VII, Stanza 32.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 19.</small>
* Almond blossom, sent to teach us<br>That the spring days soon will reach us.
** [[Edwin Arnold]], ''Almond Blossoms''.
* Blossom of the almond trees,<br>April's gift to April's bees.
** ''Edwin Arnold'', ''Almond Blossoms''.
* White as the blossoms which the almond tree,<br>Above its bald and leafless branches bears.
** [[Margaret Junkin Preston]], ''The Royal Preacher'', Stanza 5.
----
====[[w:Amaranth|Amaranth]] <small>(''Amarantus'')</small>====
[[File:Amaranthus tricolor0.jpg|thumb|right|Amaranths such as crown the maids<br>That wander through Zamara's shades.]]
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 20-21.</small>
* Nosegays! leave them for the waking,<br>Throw them earthward where they grew<br>Dim are such, beside the breaking<br>Amaranths he looks unto.<br>Folded eyes see brighter colors than the open ever do.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''A Child Asleep''.
* Bid amaranthus all his beauty shed,<br>And daffodillies fill their cups with tears,<br>To strew the laureate hearse where Lycid lies.
** [[John Milton]], ''Lycidas'', line 149.
* Immortal amaranth, a flower which once<br>In Paradise, fast by the Tree of Life,<br>Began to bloom, but soon for Man's offence,<br>To heav'n remov'd, where first it grew, there grows,<br>And flow'rs aloft shading the fount of life.
** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book III, line 353.
* Amaranths such as crown the maids<br>That wander through Zamara's shades.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''Lalla Rookh'' (1817), Light of the Harem, line 318.
----
====[[w:Amaryllis|Amaryllis]]====
[[File:Amaryllis belladonna flowers.jpg|thumb|right|Give me kind Amaryllis,<br>The wanton country maid.]]
* I care not for these ladies,<br>That must be wooed and prayed;<br>Give me kind Amaryllis,<br>The wanton country maid.<br>Nature art disdaineth;<br>Her beauty is her own.
** [[Thomas Campion]], ''I Care Not for These Ladies'' (1601), reported in Arthur Henry Bullen, ''More lyrics from the song-books of the Elizabethan Age'' (1888), p. 48.
* Alas! what boots it with incessant care<br>To tend the homely slighted shepherd's trade,<br>And strictly meditate the thankless Muse?<br>Were it not better done as others use,<br>To sport with Amaryllis in the shade,<br>Or with the tangles of Neaera's hair?
** [[John Milton]], ''Lycidas'' (1637), Line 64.
* Where, here and there, on sandy beaches<br>A milky-bell'd amaryllis blew.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Daisy'', Stanza 4; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 21.
----
====[[w:Apple blossom|Apple blossom]]====
[[File:Apple tree blossom.JPG|thumb|right|The apple blossoms' shower of pearl,<br>Though blent with rosier hue,<br>As beautiful as woman's blush,<br>As evanescent too.]]
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 38.</small>
* Underneath an apple-tree<br>Sat a maiden and her lover;<br>And the thoughts within her he<br>Yearned, in silence, to discover.<br>Round them danced the sunbeams bright,<br>Green the grass-lawn stretched before them<br>While the apple blossoms white<br>Hung in rich profusion o'er them.
** Will Carleton, Apple Blossoms.
* The apple blossoms' shower of pearl,<br>Though blent with rosier hue,<br>As beautiful as woman's blush,<br>As evanescent too.
** L. E. Landon, Apple Blossoms.
* All day in the green, sunny orchard,<br>When May was a marvel of bloom,<br>I followed the busy bee-lovers<br>Down paths that were sweet with perfume.
** Margaret E. Sangster, Apple Blossoms.
----
====[[w:Arbutus|Arbutus]] <small>(''Epigæa repens'')</small>====
* Darlings of the forest!<br> Blossoming alone<br>When Earth's grief is sorest<br> For her jewels gone—<br>Ere the last snow-drift melts your tender buds have blown.
** [[Rose T. Cooke]], ''Trailing Arbutus''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 39.
* Pure and perfect, sweet arbutus<br>Twines her rosy-tinted wreath.
** [[Elaine Goodale]], ''The First Flowers''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 39.
* The shy little Mayflower weaves her nest,<br>But the south wind sighs o'er the fragrant loam,<br>And betrays the path to her woodland home.
** [[Sarah Helen Whitman]], ''The Waking of the Heart''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 39.
----
====[[w:Fraxinus|Ash]] <small>(''Fraxinus'')</small>====
* The ash her purple drops forgivingly<br>And sadly, breaking not the general hush;<br> The maple swamps glow like a sunset sea,<br>Each leaf a ripple with its separate flush;<br> All round the wood's edge creeps the skirting blaze,<br> Of bushes low, as when, on cloudy days,<br>Ere the rain falls, the cautious farmer burns his brush.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''An Indian-Summer Reverie'', Stanza 11, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 45.
----
====[[w:Asphodelus|Asphodel]] <small>(''Asphodelus'')</small>====
* With her ankles sunken in asphodel<br>She wept for the roses of earth which fell.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Calls on the Heart'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 45.
* By the streams that ever flow,<br>By the fragrant winds that blow<br>O'er the Elysian flow'rs;<br>By those happy souls who dwell<br>In yellow mead of asphodel.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Ode on St. Cecilia's Day'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 45.
----
====[[w:Aster (genus)|Aster]]====
[[File:Aster-alpinus.JPG|thumb|right|The aster greets us as we pass<br>With her faint smile.]]
* Chide me not, laborious band!<br> For the idle flowers I brought;<br>Every aster in my hand<br> Goes home loaded with a thought.
** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], ''The Apology'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 45.
* The Autumn wood the aster knows,<br> The empty nest, the wind that grieves,<br>The sunlight breaking thro' the shade,<br>The squirrel chattering overhead,<br>The timid rabbits lighter tread<br>Among the rustling leaves.
** [[Dora Read Goodale]], ''Asters'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 45.
* The aster greets us as we pass<br>With her faint smile.
** [[Sarah Helen Whitman]], ''A Day of the Indian Summer'', line 35, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 45.
----
====[[w:Azalea|Azalea]] <small>(''Rhododendron'')</small>====
* And in the woods a fragrance rare<br>Of wild azaleas fills the air,<br>And richly tangled overhead<br>We see their blossoms sweet and red.
** [[Dora Read Goodale]], ''Spring Scatters Far and Wide'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 53.
* The fair azalea bows<br>Beneath its snowy crest.
** [[Sarah H. Whitman]], ''She Blooms no More'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 53.
----
====[[w:Bluebell|Bluebell]] <small>(''Campanula rotundifolia'')</small>====
* Hang-head Bluebell,<br>Bending like Moses' sister over Moses,<br>Full of a secret that thou dar'st not tell!
** [[George MacDonald]], ''Wild Flowers'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 73.
* Oh! roses and lilies are fair to see;<br>But the wild bluebell is the flower for me.
** [[Louisa A. Meredith]], ''The Bluebell'', line 178, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 73.
----
====[[w:Buttercup|Buttercup]] <small>(''Ranunculus'')</small>====
: ''See [[Buttercups]]''.
----
====[[w:Lobelia cardinalis|Cardinal flower]] <small>(''Lobelia Cardinalis'')</small>====
* Whence is yonder flower so strangely bright?<br>Would the sunset's last reflected shine<br>Flame so red from that dead flush of light?<br>Dark with passion is its lifted line,<br>Hot, alive, amid the falling night.
** [[Dora Read Goodale]], ''Cardinal Flower'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 89.
----
====[[w:Senna obtusifolia|Cassia]] <small>(''Senna obtusifolia'')</small>====
* While cassias blossom in the zone of calms.
** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''Sand Martins'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 91.
----
====[[w:Chamomile|Chamomile]] <small>(''Anthemis nobilis'')</small>====
* For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster it grows.
** [[William Shakespeare]], [[Henry IV, Part 1|''Henry IV'', Part I]] (c. 1597), Act II, scene 4, line 441, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 89.
----
====[[w:Chelidonium|Celandine]] <small>(''Chelidonium'')</small>====
* Eyes of some men travel far<br>For the finding of a star;<br>Up and down the heavens they go,<br> Men that keep a mighty rout!<br>I'm as great as they, I trow,<br> Since the day I found thee out,<br>Little Flower!—I'll make a stir,<br>Like a sage astronomer.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''To the Small Celandine''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 91.
* Long as there's a sun that sets,<br> Primroses will have their glory;<br>Long as there are violets,<br> They will have a place in story:<br>There's a flower that shall be mine,<br>'Tis the little Celandine.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''To the Small Celandine''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 91-92.
* Pleasures newly found are sweet<br>When they lie about our feet:<br>February last, my heart<br>First at sight of thee was glad;<br>All unheard of as thou art,<br> Thou must needs, I think have had,<br>Celandine! and long ago,<br>Praise of which I nothing know.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''To the Same Flower''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 92.
----
====[[w:Michelia champaca|Champac]] <small>(''Michelia Champaca'')</small>====
* The maid of India, blessed again to hold<br>In her full lap the Champac's leaves of gold.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''[http://www.columbia.edu/itc/mealac/pritchett/00generallinks/lallarookh/index.html Lalla Rookh]'' (1817), "The Veiled Prophet of Khorassan"; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 92.
----
====[[w:Chrysanthemum|Chrysanthemum]] <small>(''Chrysanthemum'')</small>====
[[File:Chrysanthemum sp.jpg|thumb|right|Chrysanthemums from gilded argosy<br>Unload their gaudy scentless merchandise.]]
* Fair gift of Friendship! and her ever bright<br> And faultless image! welcome now them art,<br>In thy pure loveliness—thy robes of white,<br> Speaking a moral to the feeling heart;<br>Unscattered by heats—by wintry blasts unmoved—<br>Thy strength thus tested—and thy charms improved.
** [[Anna Peyre Dinnies]], ''To a White Chrysanthemum'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 117.
* Chrysanthemums from gilded argosy<br>Unload their gaudy scentless merchandise.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], ''Humanitad'', Stanza 11, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 117.
----
====[[w:Clover|Clover]] <small>(''Trifolium'')</small>====
* Flocks thick-nibbling through the clovered vale.
** [[James Thomson (poet)|James Thomson]], ''The Seasons'', ''Summer'' (1727), line 1,235.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 122.</small>
* Where the wind-rows are spread for the butterfly's bed,<br>And the clover-bloom falleth around.
** [[Eliza Cook]], ''Journal'', Volume VII, Stanza 2, ''Song of the Haymakers''.
* Crimson clover I discover<br> By the garden gate,<br>And the bees about her hover,<br> But the robins wait.<br> Sing, robins, sing,<br> Sing a roundelay,—<br> 'Tis the latest flower of Spring<br> Coming with the May!
** [[Dora Read Goodale]], ''Red Clover''.
* The clover blossoms kiss her feet,<br>She is so sweet, she is so sweet.<br>While I, who may not kiss her hand,<br>Bless all the wild flowers in the land.
** [[Oscar Leighton]], ''Clover Blossoms'', ''For Thee Alone''.
* What airs outblown from ferny dells<br>And clover-bloom and sweet brier smells.
** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''Last Walk in Autumn'', Stanza 6.
----
====[[w:Aquilegia Canadensis|Columbine]] <small>(''Aquilegia Canadensis'')</small>====
[[File:Aquilegia_canadensis_Redmarkviolinist.jpg|thumb|right|O columbine, open your folded wrapper,<br> Where two twin turtle-doves dwell!<br>O cuckoopint, toll me the purple clapper<br> That hangs in your clear green bell!]]
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 124.</small>
* Or columbines, in purple dressed<br>Nod o'er the ground-bird's hidden nest.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''To the Fringed Gentian''.
* Skirting the rocks at the forest edge<br>With a running flame from ledge to ledge,<br>Or swaying deeper in shadowy glooms,<br>A smoldering fire in her dusky blooms;<br>Bronzed and molded by wind and sun,<br>Maddening, gladdening every one<br>With a gypsy beauty full and fine,—<br>A health to the crimson columbine!
** [[Elaine Goodale]], ''Columbine''.
* O columbine, open your folded wrapper,<br> Where two twin turtle-doves dwell!<br>O cuckoopint, toll me the purple clapper<br> That hangs in your clear green bell!
** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''Songs of Seven'', ''Seven Times One''.
* There's fennel for you, and columbines: there's rue for you.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'' (1600-02), Act IV, scene 5, line 180.
* I am that flower,—That mint.—That columbine.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''Love's Labor Lost'', Act V, scene 2, line 661.
----
====[[w:Silphium laciniatum|Compass plant]] <small>(''Silphium laciniatum'')</small>====
* Look at this vigorous plant that lifts its head from the meadow,<br>See how its leaves are turned to the north, as true as the magnet;<br>This is the compass-flower, that the finger of God has planted<br>Here in the houseless wild, to direct the traveller's journey.<br>Over the sea-like, pathless, limitless waste of the desert,<br>Such in the soul of man is faith.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Evangeline: A Tale of Acadie'' (1847), Part II, Stanza 4, line 140.
----
====[[w:Primula veris|Cowslip]] <small>(''Primula'')</small>====
[[File:CowSlipSelsley.jpg|thumb|right|And wild-scatter'd cowslips bedeck the green dale.]]
* Smiled like yon knot of cowslips on a cliff.
** [[Robert Blair]], ''The Grave'' (1743), line 520.
* Thus I set my printless feet<br>O'er the cowslip's velvet head,<br>That bends not as I tread.
** [[John Milton]], ''[[Comus (John Milton)|Comus]]'' (1637), Song.
* The even mead, that erst brought sweetly forth<br>The freckled cowslip, burnet and green clover.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Henry V (play)|Henry V]]'' (c. 1599), ActV, scene 2, line 48.
* The cowslips tall her pensioners be;<br>In their gold coats spots you see:<br>Those be rubies, fairy favours;<br>In those freckles live their savours.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[A Midsummer Night's Dream]]'' (c. 1595-96), Act II, scene I, line 10.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 146.</small>
* Yet soon fair Spring shall give another scene.<br>And yellow cowslips gild the level green.
** [[Anne E. Bleecker]], ''Return to Tomhanick''.
* And wild-scatter'd cowslips bedeck the green dale.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''The Chevalier's Lament''.
* Ilk cowslip cup shall kep a tear.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''Elegy on Capt. Matthew Henderson''.
* The nesh yonge coweslip bendethe wyth the dewe.
** [[Thomas Chatterton]], ''Rowley Poems'', Mtta.
* The cowslip is a country wench.
** [[Thomas Hood]], ''Flowers''.
* The first wan cowslip, wet<br>With tears of the first morn.
** [[Owen Meredith]] (Lord Lytton), ''Ode to a Starling''.
* Through tall cowslips nodding near you,<br>Just to touch you as you pass.
** [[Owen Meredith]] (Lord Lytton), ''Song''.
* And ye talk together still,<br>In the language wherewith Spring<br>Letters cowslips on the hill.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''Adeline'', Stanza 5.
* And by the meadow-trenches blow the faint sweet cuckoo-flowers.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The May Queen'', Stanza 8.
----
====[[w:Crocus|Crocus]]====
* Welcome, wild harbinger of spring!<br> To this small nook of earth;<br>Feeling and fancy fondly cling<br> Round thoughts which owe their birth<br>To thee, and to the humble spot<br>Where chance has fixed thy lowly lot.
** [[Bernard Barton]], ''To a Crocus'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 152.
* Hail to the King of Bethlehem,<br>Who weareth in his diadem<br>The yellow crocus for the gem<br> Of his authority!
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Christus'', Part II, ''The Golden Legend'' (1872), IX.
----
====Daisy====
:''See [[Daisies]]''.
----
====[[Daffodil]]====
:''See [[Daffodils]]''.
----
====[[w:Taraxacum|Dandelion ]] <small>(''Taraxacum'')</small>====
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 158.</small>
* You cannot forget if you would those golden kisses all over the cheeks of the meadow, queerly called dandelions.
** [[Henry Ward Beecher]], ''Star Papers'', ''A Discourse of Flowers''.
* Upon a showery night and still,<br> Without a sound of warning,<br>A trooper band surprised the hill,<br> And held it in the morning.<br>We were not waked by bugle notes,<br> No cheer our dreams invaded,<br>And yet at dawn, their yellow coats<br> On the green slopes paraded.
** [[Helen Gray Cone]], ''The Dandelions''.
* Dear common flower, that grow'st beside the way,<br> Fringing the dusty road with harmless gold,<br>First pledge of blithesome May,<br> Which children pluck, and, full of pride, uphold,<br>High-hearted buccaneers, o'erjoyed that they<br> An Eldorado in the grass have found,<br> Which not the rich earth's ample round<br>May match in wealth, thou art more dear to me<br>Than all the prouder summer-blooms may be.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], ''To the Dandelion''.
* Young Dandelion<br> On a hedge-side,<br>Said young Dandelion,<br> Who'll be my bride?<br><br>Said young Dandelion<br> With a sweet air,<br>I have my eye on<br> Miss Daisy fair.
** [[Dinah Craik]], ''Young Dandelion''.
----
====[[w:Forget-me-not|Forget-me-not]] <small>(''Myosotis'')</small>====
[[File:Forget-me-not in Pelister.jpg|thumb|right|The blue and bright-eyed floweret of the brook,<br>Hope's gentle gem, the sweet Forget-me-not.]]
* Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven, <br> Blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''[[w:Evangeline| Evangeline: A Tale of Acadie]]'' (1847).
* The blue and bright-eyed floweret of the brook,<br>Hope's gentle gem, the sweet Forget-me-not.
** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''The Keepsake'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 288.
* The sweet forget-me-nots,<br>That grow for happy lovers.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Brook'', line 172, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 288.
----
====[[w:Gentiana|Gentian]] <small>(''Gentiana'')</small>====
[[File:Gentiana-verna2.jpg|thumb|right|Blue thou art, intensely blue;<br>Flower, whence came thy dazzling hue?]]
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 310.</small>
* And the blue gentian-flower, that, in the breeze,<br>Nods lonely, of her beauteous race the last.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''November''.
* Thou blossom! bright with autumn dew,<br>And colour'd with the heaven's own blue,<br>That openest when the quiet light<br>Succeeds the keen and frosty night.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''To the Fringed Gentian''.
* Blue thou art, intensely blue;<br>Flower, whence came thy dazzling hue?
** [[James Montgomery]], ''The Gentianella''.
* Beside the brook and on the umbered meadow,<br> Where yellow fern-tufts fleck the faded ground,<br>With folded lids beneath their palmy shadow<br> The gentian nods in dewy slumbers bound.
** [[Sarah Helen Whitman]], ''A Still Day in Autumn'', Stanza 6.
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====[[w:Goldenrod|Goldenrod]] <small>(''Solidago'')</small>====
: ''See [[Goldenrod]]''.
----
====[[w:Gorse|Gorse]] <small>(''Ulex'')</small>====
[[File:Whin or Gorse.JPG|thumb|right|Mountain gorses, ever-golden.<br>Cankered not the whole year long!<br>Do ye teach us to be strong,<br>Howsoever pricked and holden<br>Like your thorny blooms and so<br>Trodden on by rain and snow,<br>Up the hillside of this life, as bleak as where ye grow?]]
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 329.</small>
* Mountain gorses, do ye teach us<br> * * * * *<br>That the wisest word man reaches<br>Is the humblest he can speak?
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Lessons from the Gorse''.
* Mountain gorses, ever-golden.<br>Cankered not the whole year long!<br>Do ye teach us to be strong,<br>Howsoever pricked and holden<br>Like your thorny blooms and so<br>Trodden on by rain and snow,<br>Up the hillside of this life, as bleak as where ye grow?
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Lessons from the Gorse''.
* Love you not, then, to list and hear<br>The crackling of the gorse-flower near,<br>Pouring an orange-scented tide<br>Of fragrance o'er the desert wide?
** [[William Howitt]], ''A June Day''.
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====[[w:Harebell|Harebell]] <small>(''Campanula rotundifolia'')</small>====
[[File:Campanula rotundifolia 21739.JPG|thumb|right|High in the clefts of the rock 'mid the cedars<br>Hangeth the harebell the waterfall nigh;<br>Blue are its petals, deep-blue tinged with purple,<br>Mystical tintings that mirror the sky.]]
* Hope is like a harebell, trembling from its birth,<br>Love is like a rose, the joy of all the earth,<br>Faith is like a lily, lifted high and white,<br>Love is like a lovely rose, the world's delight.<br>Harebells and sweet lilies show a thornless growth,<br>But the rose with all its thorns excels them both.
** [[Christina Rossetti]], ''Hope is like a Harebell''; reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919).
* With fairest flowers,<br>Whilst summer lasts, and I live here, Fidele,<br>I'll sweeten thy sad grave; thou shall not lack<br>The flower that's like thy face, pale primrose, nor<br>The azur'd harebell, like thy veins.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Cymbeline]]'' (c. 1611), Act IV, scene ii.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 353.</small>
* I love the fair lilies and roses so gay,<br>They are rich in their pride and their splendor;<br>But still more do I love to wander away<br>To the meadow so sweet,<br>Where down at my feet,<br>The harebell blooms modest and tender.
** [[Dora Read Goodale]], ''Queen Harebell''.
* With drooping bells of clearest blue<br>Thou didst attract my childish view,<br>Almost resembling<br>The azure butterflies that flew<br>Where on the heath thy blossoms grew<br>So lightly trembling.
** [[Reginald Heber]], ''The Harebell''.
* Simplest of blossoms! To mine eye<br>Thou bring'st the summer's painted sky;<br>The May-thorn greening in the nook;<br>The minnows sporting in the brook;<br>The bleat of flocks; the breath of flowers;<br>The song of birds amid the bowers;<br>The crystal of the azure seas;<br>The music of the southern breeze;<br>And, over all, the blessed sun,<br>Telling of halcyon days begun.
** Moir, The Harebell.
* High in the clefts of the rock 'mid the cedars<br>Hangeth the harebell the waterfall nigh;<br>Blue are its petals, deep-blue tinged with purple,<br>Mystical tintings that mirror the sky.
** L. D. Pychowska, Harebells.
----
====[[w:Heliotrope|Heliotrope]] <small>(''Heliotropium'')</small>====
* I drink deep draughts of its nectar.
** [[E. C. Stedman]], ''Heliotrope'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 362.
* O sweetest of all the flowrets<br> That bloom where angels tread!<br>But never such marvelous odor,<br> From heliotrope was shed.
** [[E. C. Stedman]], ''Heliotrope'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 362.
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====[[w:Hepatica|Hepatica]] <small>(''Hepatica'')</small>====
* All the woodland path is broken<br> By warm tints along the way,<br> And the low and sunny slope<br> Is alive with sudden hope<br>When there comes the silent token<br> Of an April day,—<br> Blue hepatica!
** [[Dora Read Goodale]], ''Hepatica'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 365.
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====[[w:Honeysuckle|Honeysuckle]] <small>(''Lonicera'')</small>====
:''See [[Honeysuckle]]''.
----
====[[w:Hyacinth (plant)|Hyacinth]] <small>(''Hyacinthus'')</small>====
[[File:DSCF0165.JPG|thumb|right|Here hyacinths of heavenly blue<br>Shook their rich tresses to the morn.]]
[[File:Floriade canberra02.jpg|thumb|right|If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,<br>And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left,<br>Sell one, and with the dole<br>Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.]]
* It is the Hyacinth, whose sweet bells stooping,<br>Bend with the odours heavy in their cells; <br>Amid the shadows of their fragrant drooping,<br>Memory, that is itself a shadow, dwells.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''Flowers of Loveliness, 1838'' (1837), 'The Hyacinth'
*<p>The bees came booming as if they had never gone,<br>As if hyacinths had never gone. We say<br>This changes and that changes. Thus the constant</p><p> Violets, doves, girls, bees and hyacinths<br>Are inconstant objects of inconstant cause<br>In a universe of inconstancy. This means</p><p> Night-blue is an inconstant thing. The seraph<br>Is satyr in Saturn, according to his thoughts.</p>
** [[Wallace Stevens]], ''It Must Change'', Part I.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 382-83.</small>
* The hyacinth for constancy wi' its unchanging blue.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''O Luve Will Venture In''.
* Art thou a hyacinth blossom<br>The shepherds upon the hills<br>Have trodden into the ground?<br>Shall I not lift thee?
** [[Bliss Carman]], ''Translation of Sappho'.
* Come, evening gale! the crimsonne rose<br> Is drooping for thy sighe of dewe;<br>The hyacinthe wooes thy kisse to close<br> In slumberre sweete its eye of blue.
** [[George Croly]], ''Inscription for a Grotto''.
* By field and by fell, and by mountain gorge,<br>Shone Hyacinths blue and clear.
** [[Lucy Hooper]], ''Legends of Flowers'', Stanza 3.
* Here hyacinths of heavenly blue<br>Shook their rich tresses to the morn.
** [[James Montgomery]], ''The Adventure of a Star''.
* If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,<br>And from thy slender store two loaves alone to thee are left,<br>Sell one, and with the dole<br>Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.
** [[Mosleh Eddin Saadi]], ''Gulistan'' (Garden of Roses). Compare: "If thou of fortune be bereft, / And thou dost find but two loaves left / To thee --- sell one and with the dole / Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul"; James Terry White, ''Not by Bread Alone'', Stanza 1, published in ''The Century Magazine'' (August 1907), p. 519.
* And the hyacinth purple, and white, and blue,<br>Which flung from its bells a sweet peal anew<br>Of music so delicate, soft, and intense,<br>It was felt like an odour within the sense.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''The Sensitive Plant'', Part I.
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====[[w:Monotropa uniflora|Indian Pipe]] <small>(''Monotropa Uniflora'')</small>====
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 391.</small>
* Pale, mournful flower, that hidest in shade<br>Mid dewy damps and murky glade,<br>With moss and mould,<br>Why dost thou hang thy ghastly head,<br>So sad and cold?
** [[Catherine E. Beecher]], ''To the Monotropa, or Ghost Flower''.
* Where the long, slant rays are beaming,<br>Where the shadows cool lie dreaming,<br>Pale the Indian pipes are gleaming—<br> Laugh, O murmuring Spring!
** [[Sarah F. Davis]], ''Summer Song''.
* I hear, I hear<br>The twang of harps, the leap<br>Of fairy feet and know the revel's ripe,<br>While like a coral stripe<br>The lizard cool doth creep,<br>Monster, but monarch there, up the pale Indian Pipe.
** [[Charles De Kay]], ''Arcana Sylvarum''.
* Death in the wood,—<br>In the death-pale lips apart;<br> Death in a whiteness that curdled the blood,<br>Now black to the very heart:<br> The wonder by her was formed<br>Who stands supreme in power;<br> To show that life by the spirit comes<br>She gave us a soulless flower!
** [[Elaine Goodale]], ''Indian Pipe'', Stanza 4.
----
====[[w:Iris (plant)|Iris]]====
* The yellow flags * * * would stand<br>Up to their chins in water.
** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''Song of the Night Watches'', Watch I, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 275.
* Born in the purple, born to joy and pleasance,<br> Thou dost not toil nor spin,<br>But makest glad and radiant with thy presence<br> The meadow and the lin.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Flower-de-Luce'', Stanza 3; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 282.
* O flower-de-luce, bloom on, and let the river<br> Linger to kiss thy feet!<br>O flower of song, bloom on, and make forever<br> The world more fair and sweet.
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Flower-de-Luce'', Stanza 8; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 282.
* Lilies of all kinds,<br>The flower-de-luce being one!
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Winter's Tale]]'' ([[w:The Winter's Tale#Date and text|c. 1610-11]]), Act IV, scene 4, line 126.
* And nearer to the river's trembling edge<br> There grew broad flag-flowers, purple, prankt with white;<br>And starry river buds among the sedge;<br> And floating water-lilies, broad and bright.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''The Question'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 275.
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====[[w:Jasmine|Jasmine]] <small>(''Jasminum'')</small>====
* What, is the jay more precious than the lark,<br>Because his feathers are more beautiful?
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Taming of the Shrew]]'' (c. 1593-94), Act IV, scene 3, line 177.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 403.</small>
* And at my silent window-sill<br>The jessamine peeps in.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], ''The Hunter's Serenade''.
* Jasmine is sweet, and has many loves.
** [[Thomas Hood]], ''Flowers''.
* Jas in the Arab language is despair,<br>And Min the darkest meaning of a lie.<br>Thus cried the Jessamine among the flowers,<br> How justly doth a lie<br> Draw on its head despair!<br>Among the fragrant spirits of the bowers<br>The boldest and the strongest still was I.<br> Although so fair,<br> Therefore from Heaven<br>A stronger perfume unto me was given<br>Than any blossom of the summer hours.
** [[Charles Godfrey Leland]], ''Jessamine''.
* Among the flowers no perfume is like mine;<br> That which is best in me comes from within.<br>So those in this world who would rise and shine<br> Should seek internal excellence to win.<br>And though 'tis true that falsehood and despair<br> Meet in my name, yet bear it still in mind<br>That where they meet they perish. All is fair<br> When they are gone and nought remains behind.
** [[Charles Godfrey Leland]], ''Jessamine''.
* And the jasmine flower in her fair young breast,<br> (O the faint, sweet smell of that jasmine flower!)<br>And the one bird singing alone to his nest.<br> And the one star over the tower.
** [[Owen Meredith]] (Lord Lytton), ''Aux Italiens'', Stanza 13.
* It smelt so faint, and it smelt so sweet,<br> It made me creep and it made me cold.<br>Like the scent that steals from the crumbling sheet<br> Where a mummy is half unroll'd.
** [[Owen Meredith]] (Lord Lytton), ''Aux Italiens''.
* Out in the lonely woods the jasmine burns<br>Its fragrant lamps, and turns<br>Into a royal court with green festoons<br>The banks of dark lagoons.
** [[Henry Timrod]], ''Spring''.
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====[[w:Lilac|Lilac]] <small>(''Syringa Vulgaris'')</small>====
[[File:Stockholm-lilac.jpg|thumb|right|The purple clusters load the lilac-bushes.]]
* …The thornless lilacs summon up no dread,<br>Demand no witness. Flower, branch, and leaf<br>Are only what they are. They have no words<br>For us to ponder, though we sometimes feign<br>To speak for them, as augury of birds<br>Construes an omen of impending pain.
** Joseph S. Salemi, [https://classicalpoets.org/2024/03/29/the-lilacs-on-good-friday-a-poem-by-joseph-s-salemi/ "The Lilacs on Good Friday"], ''The Society of Classical Poets'' (March 29, 2024)
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 457.</small>
* The lilac spread<br>Odorous essence.
** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''Laurance'', Part III.
* Go down to Kew in lilac-time, in lilac-time, in lilac-time;<br> Go down to Kew in lilac-time (it isn't far from London).<br>And you shall wander hand in hand with love in summer's wonderland;<br> Go down to Kew in lilac-time (it isn't far from London).
** [[Alfred Noyes]], ''The Barrel Organ''.
* I am thinking of the lilac-trees,<br> That shook their purple plumes,<br>And when the sash was open,<br> Shed fragrance through the room.
** Mrs. [[Anna S. Stephens]], ''The Old Apple-Tree''.
* The purple clusters load the lilac-bushes.
** [[Amelia B. Welby]], ''Hopeless Love''.
* When lilacs last in the door-yard bloom'd,<br>And the great star early droop'd in the western sky in the night,<br>I mourn'd—and yet shall mourn with ever-returning spring.
** [[Walt Whitman]], ''When Lilacs Last in the Door-Yard Bloom'd'', I, ''Leaves of Grass''.
* With every leaf a miracle … and from this bush in the door-yard,<br>With delicate-colour'd blossoms, and heart-shaped leaves of rich green<br>A sprig, with its flower, I break.
** [[Walt Whitman]], ''When Lilacs Last in the Door-Yard Bloom'd'', III, ''Leaves of Grass''.
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====Lily <small>(''Lilium'')</small>====
:''See [[Lilies]]''.
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====Lily-of-the-Valley <small>(''Convallaria Majalis'')</small>====
:''See [[Lily-of-the-Valley]]''.
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====[[w:Lotus|Lotus]] <small>(''Zizyphus Lotus, Nelumbo Nucifera'')</small>====
{{main|Lotus}}
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====[[w:Amaranthus caudatus|Love Lies Bleeding]] <small>(''Amaranthus caudatus'')</small>====
[[File:Amaranthus caudatus0.jpg|thumb|right|This flower that first appeared as summer's guest<br>Preserves her beauty 'mid autumnal leaves<br>And to her mournful habits fondly cleaves.]]
* Love lies bleeding in the bed whereover<br>Roses lean with smiling mouths or pleading:<br>Earth lies laughing where the sun's dart clove her:<br>Love lies bleeding.
** [[Charles Algernon Swinburne]], ''Love Lies Bleeding'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 484.
* This flower that first appeared as summer's guest<br>Preserves her beauty 'mid autumnal leaves<br>And to her mournful habits fondly cleaves.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Love Lies Bleeding'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 484.
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====[[w:Magnolia|Magnolia]]====
[[File:Magnòlia a Verbania.JPG|thumb|Majestic flower! How purely beautiful<br> Thou art…]]
* Fragrant o'er all the western groves<br>The tall magnolia towers unshaded.
** {{w|Maria Gowen Brooks}}, stanzas written by Idomen on seeing Pharamond in ''Idomen; or, The Vale of Yumuri'' (New York: Samuel Colman, 1843), "The Confessions", p. 182.
* Majestic flower! How purely beautiful<br> Thou art, as rising from thy bower of green,<br>Those dark and glossy leaves so thick and full,<br> Thou standest like a high-born forest queen<br>Among thy maidens clustering round so fair;—<br> I love to watch thy sculptured form unfolding,<br>And look into thy depths, to image there<br> A fairy cavern; and while thus beholding,<br>And while the breeze floats o'er thee, matchless flower,<br> I breathe the perfume, delicate and strong,<br>That comes like incense from thy petal-bower,<br> My fancy roams those southern woods along,<br>Beneath that glorious tree, where deep among<br> The unsunned leaves thy large white flower-cups hung!
** {{w|Christopher Pearse Cranch}}, Sonnet VII: "To the Magnolia Grandiflora" (1836), in ''Poems'' (Philadelphia: Carey and Hart, 1844), p. 102.
* '''I [[Awakening|wake]] to "[[magnolias]] sweet and fresh", <br /> Lines of [[poetry]] on my breath''', <br />You were here but you have stolen away. <br />My [[inspiration]] is an evening [[star]], <br />So come to me wherever you are, <br />I will wait for you tonight alone in the [[dark]]…
** [[Greta Gaines]], in "Firefly" on ''Greta Gaines'' (1999); the phrase in quotes is one earlier found in "[[w:Strange Fruit|Strange Fruit]]" (1937) by [[w:Abel Meeropol|Abel Meeropol]], famously sung by [[Billie Holiday]].
* Lush orbs of rose and cream<br/>Unfurl like lotus blooms,<br/>Luxuriant, and stream<br/>Soft, sensuous perfumes.
** Adam Sedia, [https://classicalpoets.org/2025/04/magnolia-and-other-poetry-by-adam-sedia/ "Magnolia"], ''The Society of Classical Poets'' (April 16, 2025)
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====[[w:Marigold|Marigold]] <small>(''Tagetes'')</small>====
{{Main|Marigolds}}
[[File:R10 kamera049be22.jpg|thumb|right|The marigold abroad her leaves doth spread,<br>Because the sun's and her power is the same.]]
[[File:UIUC Arboretum 20070922 img 1764.jpg|thumb|right|Open afresh your round of starry folds,<br>Ye ardent marigolds!<br>Dry up the moisture from your golden lips.]]
* And winking Mary-buds begin<br>To ope their golden eyes.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Cymbeline]]'' (1611), Act II, scene 3. Song, line 25.
* Here's flowers for you:<br>Hot lavender, mints, savory, marjoram:<br>The marigold, that goes to bed wi' the sun,<br>And with him rises weeping.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Winter's Tale]]'' ([[w:The Winter's Tale#Date and text|c. 1610-11]]), Act IV, scene 4, line 103.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 494-495.</small>
* The marigold, whose [[courtier]]'s face<br>Echoes the sun, and doth unlace<br>Her at his rise, at his full stop<br>Packs and shuts up her gaudy shop.
** [[John Cleveland]], ''On Phillis Walking Before Sunrise''.
* The marigold abroad her leaves doth spread,<br>Because the sun's and her power is the same.
** [[Henry Constable]], ''Diana''.
* No marigolds yet closed are,<br>No shadows great appeare.
** [[Robert Herrick]], ''Hesperides'' (1648), "To Daisies, Not to Shut so Soone".
* Open afresh your round of starry folds,<br>Ye ardent marigolds!<br>Dry up the moisture from your golden lips.
** [[John Keats]], ''I Stood Tiptoe Upon a Little Hill''.
* The sun-observing marigold.
** [[Francis Quarles]], ''The School of the Heart'', Ode XXX, Stanza 5.
* Nor shall the marigold unmentioned die,<br>Which Acis once found out in Sicily;<br>She Phoebus loves, and from him draws his hue,<br>And ever keeps his golden beams in view.
** [[w:René Rapin|René Rapin]], in his ''Latin Poem on Gardens'', translated by Gardiner in 1706.
* When with a serious musing I behold<br>The graceful and obsequious marigold,<br>How duly every morning she displays<br>Her open breast, when Titan spreads his rays.
** [[George Wither]], ''The Marigold''.
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====[[w:Caltha palustris|Marsh Marigold]] <small>(''Caltha Palustris'')</small>====
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 495.</small>
* The seal and guerdon of wealth untold<br>We clasp in the wild marsh marigold.
** [[Elaine Goodale]], ''Nature's Coinage''.
* Fair is the marigold, for pottage meet.
** [[John Gay]], ''Shepherd's Week'', ''Monday'', line 46.
* A little marsh-plant, yellow green,<br> And prick'd at lip with tender red,<br> Tread close, and either way you tread,<br>Some faint black water jets between<br> Lest you should bruise the curious head.
** [[Algernon Charles Swinburne]], ''The Sundew''.
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====[[w:Cypripedioideae|Moccasin Flower]] <small>(''Cypripedium'')</small>====
* With careless joy we thread the woodland ways<br>And reach her broad domain.<br>Thro' sense of strength and beauty, free as air.<br>We feel our savage kin, <br>And thus alone with conscious meaning wear<br>The Indian's moccasin!
** [[Elaine Goodale]], ''Moccasin Flower'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 519.
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====[[w: Ipomoea|Moonflower]] <small>(''Ipomoea alba (bona-nox''))</small>====
* Not to the sunny hours<br>That waken other flowers,<br>Dost thou fling forth the odour of thy sighing<br>But in the time of gloom,<br>Is yielded thy perfume,<br>Like Love, that lives when all beside is dying.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''Flowers of Loveliness, 1838'' (1837), 'The Night-Blowing Convolvulus'
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====[[w:Ipomoea|Morning-Glory]] <small>(''Ipomoea'')</small>====
* Wondrous interlacement!<br>Holding fast to threads by green and silky rings,<br>With the dawn it spreads its white and purple wings;<br>Generous in its bloom, and sheltering while it clings,<br> Sturdy morning-glory.
** [[Helen Hunt Jackson]], ''Morning-Glory''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 530.
* The morning-glory's blossoming<br> Will soon be coming round<br>We see their rows of heart-shaped leaves<br> Upspringing from the ground.
** [[Maria White Lowell]], ''Morning-Glory''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 530.
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====[[w:Myrtus|Myrtle]] <small>(''Myrtus Communis'')</small>====
* Nor myrtle—which means chiefly love: and love<br>Is something awful which one dare not touch<br>So early o' mornings.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book II.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 541.</small>
* The myrtle (ensign of supreme command,<br>Consigned by Venus to Melissa's hand)<br>Not less capricious than a reigning fair,<br>Oft favors, oft rejects a lover's prayer;<br>In myrtle shades oft sings the happy swain,<br>In myrtle shades despairing ghosts complain.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], ''Written at the Request of a Gentleman'', line 3.
* Dark-green and gemm'd with flowers of snow,<br> With close uncrowded branches spread<br>Not proudly high, nor meanly low,<br> A graceful myrtle rear'd its head.
** [[James Montgomery]], ''The Myrtle''.
* While the myrtle, now idly entwin'd with his crown,<br>Like the wreath of Harmodius, shall cover his sword.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''O, Blame Not The Bard''.
----
====[[w:Narcissus (plant)|Narcissus]]====
:''See [[Daffodils]]''.
----
====[[w:Orchid|Orchid]] <small>(''Orchis'')</small>====
[[File:Orchid on display at American Orchid Society, Delray Beach.jpg|thumb|right|In the marsh pink orchid's faces,<br>With their coy and dainty graces,<br>Lure us to their hiding places , <br>Laugh, O murmuring Spring!]]
* In the marsh pink orchid's faces,<br>With their coy and dainty graces,<br>Lure us to their hiding places , <br>Laugh, O murmuring Spring!
** [[Sarah F. Davis]], ''Summer Song'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 574.
* Around the pillars of the palm-tree bower<br>The orchids cling, in rose and purple spheres;<br>Shield-broad the lily floats; the aloe flower<br>Foredates its hundred years.
** [[Bayard Taylor]], ''Canopus'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 574.
----
====[[w:Pansy|Pansy]] <small>(''Viola Tricolor'')</small>====
: ''See [[Pansies]]''.
----
====[[w:Passiflora|Passion flower]] <small>(''Passiflora'')</small>====
[[File:Bildtankstelle 1 090.jpg|thumb|right|Art thou a type of beauty, or of power,<br> Of sweet enjoyment, or disastrous sin?<br>For each thy name denoteth, Passion flower!]]
* Art thou a type of beauty, or of power,<br> Of sweet enjoyment, or disastrous sin?<br>For each thy name denoteth, Passion flower!<br> O no! thy pure corolla's depth within<br>We trace a holier symbol; yea, a sign<br> 'Twixt God and man; a record of that hour<br>When the expiatory act divine<br> Cancelled that curse which was our mortal dower.<br>It is the Cross!
** Sir [[Aubrey De Vere]], ''A Song of Faith'', ''Devout Exercises and Sonnets'', "The Passion Flower"; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 581.
* Her heart was a passion-flower, bearing within it the crown of thorns and the cross of Christ.
** [[Jeremy Taylor]], reported in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895), p. 397.
----
====[[w:Dianthus|Pink]] <small>(''Dianthus'')</small>====
* You take a pink,<br>You dig about its roots and water it,<br>And so improve it to a garden-pink,<br>But will not change it to a heliotrope.
** [[Elizabeth Barrett Browning]], ''Aurora Leigh'' (1856), Book VI.
* And I will pu' the pink, the emblem o' my dear,<br>For she's the pink o' womankind, and blooms without a peer.
** [[Robert Burns]], ''O Luve Will Venture In''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 597.
* The beauteous pink I would not slight.<br>Pride of the gardener's leisure.
** [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]], ''The Floweret Wondrous Fair'', Stanza 8. John S. Dwight's translation; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 597.
----
====[[w:Poppy|Poppy]] <small>(''Papaker'')</small>====
:''See [[Poppies]]''.
----
====[[w:Primula|Primrose]] <small>(''Primula'')</small>====
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 633.</small>
* Ring-ting! I wish I were a primrose,<br> A bright yellow primrose blowing in the spring!<br> The stooping boughs above me,<br> The wandering bee to love me,<br>The fern and moss to creep across,<br> And the elm-tree for our king!
** [[William Allingham]], ''Wishing'', ''A Child's Song''.
* The primrose banks how fair!
** [[Robert Burns]], ''My Chloris, Mark How Green the Groves''.
* "I could have brought you some primroses, but I do not like to mix violets with anything."<br>"They say primroses make a capital salad," said Lord St. Jerome.
** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], ''Lothair'', Chapter XIII.
* Her modest looks the cottage might adorn,<br>Sweet as the primrose peeps beneath the thorn.
** [[Oliver Goldsmith]], ''The Deserted Village'' (1770), line 329.
* Why doe ye weep, sweet babes? Can tears<br> Speak griefe in you,<br> Who were but borne<br> Just as the modest morne<br>Teemed her refreshing dew?
** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''To Primroses''.
* A tuft of evening primroses,<br>O'er which the mind may hover till it dozes;<br> O'er which it well might take a pleasant sleep,<br> But that 'tis ever startled by the leap<br>Of buds into ripe flowers.
** [[John Keats]], ''I Stood Tiptoe Upon a Little Hill''.
* Bountiful Primroses,<br> With outspread heart that needs the rough leaves' care.
** [[George MacDonald]], ''Wild Flowers''.
* Mild offspring of a dark and sullen sire!<br>Whose modest form, so delicately fine,<br> Was nursed in whirling storms,<br> And cradled in the winds.<br>Thee when young spring first question'd winter's sway,<br>And dared the sturdy blusterer to the fight,<br> Thee on his bank he threw<br> To mark his victory.
** [[Henry Kirke White]], ''To an Early Primrose''.
* A primrose by a river's brim,<br>A yellow primrose was to him,<br>And it was nothing more.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Peter Bell'', Part I, Stanza 12.
* Primroses, the Spring may love them;<br>Summer knows but little of them.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''Foresight''.
* The Primrose for a veil had spread<br> The largest of her upright leaves;<br>And thus for purposes benign,<br> A simple flower deceives.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''A Wren's Nest''.
----
====[[w:Safflower|Safflower]] <small>(''Carthamus'')</small>====
* And the saffron flower<br>Clear as a flame of sacrifice breaks out.
** [[Jean Ingelow]], ''The Doom'', Book II, reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 690.
----
====[[w:Sloe|Sloe]] <small>(''Prunus Spinosa'')</small>====
* From the white-blossomed sloe, my dear Chloe requested,<br>A sprig her fair breast to adorn.<br>No! by Heav'n, I exclaim'd, may I perish,<br> If ever I plant in that bosom a thorn.
** [[John O'Keefe]], ''The Thorn'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 721.
----
==== [[w:Galanthus|Snowdrop]] <small>(''Galanthus'')</small>====
* Thou beautiful new comer,<br>With white and maiden brow ;<br>Thou fairy gift from summer,<br>Why art thou blooming now ?<br>This dim and sheltered alley<br>Is dark with winter green ;<br>Not such as in the valley<br>At sweet spring-time is seen.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], Fisher's Drawing Room Scrap Book, 1836 (1835), 'The Snowdrop'
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''=====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 723.</small>
* At the head of Flora's dance;<br>Simple Snow-drop, then in thee<br>All thy sister-train I see;<br>Every brilliant bud that blows,<br>From the blue-bell to the rose;<br>All the beauties that appear,<br>On the bosom of the Year,<br>All that wreathe the locks of Spring,<br>Summer's ardent breath perfume,<br>Or on the lap of Autumn bloom,<br>All to thee their tribute bring.
** [[James Montgomery]], ''Snow-Drop''.
* The morning star of flowers.
** [[James Montgomery]], ''Snow-Drop''.
* Nor will I then thy modest grace forget,<br>Chaste Snow-drop, venturous harbinger of Spring,<br>And pensive monitor of fleeting years!
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''To a Snow-Drop''.
* Lone Flower, hemmed in with snows and white as they<br>But hardier far, once more I see thee bend<br>Thy forehead, as if fearful to offend,<br>Like an unbidden guest. Though day by day,<br>Storms, sallying from the mountain tops, waylay<br>The rising sun, and on the plains descend;<br>Yet art thou welcome, welcome as a friend<br>Whose zeal outruns his promise!
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''To a Snow-Drop''.
----
====[[w:Sunflower|Sunflowers]] <small>(''Helianthus annuus'')</small>====
:''See [[Sunflowers]]''.
----
====[[w:Sweet pea|Sweet pea]] <small>(''Lathyrus Odoratus'')</small>====
* The pea is but a wanton witch<br>In too much haste to wed,<br>And clasps her rings on every hand.
** [[Thomas Hood]], ''Flowers''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 591.
* Here are sweet peas, on tiptoe for a flight;<br>With wings of gentle flush o'er delicate white,<br>And taper fingers catching at all things,<br>To bind them all about with tiny rings.
** [[John Keats]], ''I Stood Tiptoe Upon a Little Hill''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 591.
* Up climb’d the sweet pea,<br>The butterfly of flowers:—I love it not,<br>Though every hue—and it has many tints—<br>Are dyed as if the sunset evening clouds<br>Had fallen to the earth in sudden rain,<br>And left their colours : purple, delicate pink,<br>And snowy white, are on thy wing-like leaves;<br>But thou art all too forward in thy bloom ;<br>Thy blossoms are the sun’s, and cling to all<br>That can support them into open day:<br>And then they die, leaving no root behind,<br>The hope and promise of another spring;<br>And no perfume, whose lingering gratitude<br>Remains round what upheld its summer’s life.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''Heath's Book of Beauty, 1833'' (1832), 'The Last of St. Aubyns'
----
====[[w:Thistle|Thistle]] <small>(''Cnicus'')</small>====
* Up wi' the flowers o' Scotland,<br> The emblems o' the free,<br>Their guardians for a thousand years,<br> Their guardians still we'll be.<br>A foe had better brave the de'il<br> Within his reeky cell,<br>Than our thistle's purple bonnet,<br> Or bonny heather bell.
** [[Thomas Hood]], ''The Flowers of Scotland''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 787.
* When on the breath of Autumn's breeze,<br> From pastures dry and brown,<br>Goes floating, like an idle thought,<br> The fair, white thistle-down;<br>O, then what joy to walk at will,<br>Upon the golden harvest-hill!
** [[Mary Howitt]], ''Corn-Fields''; reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 787.
----
====[[w:Tuberose|Tuberose]] <small>(''Agave Amica'')</small>====
* The tuberose, with her silvery light,<br> That in the gardens of Malay<br>Is call'd the Mistress of the Night,<br>So like a bride, scented and bright;<br> She comes out when the sun's away.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''[http://www.columbia.edu/itc/mealac/pritchett/00generallinks/lallarookh/index.html Lalla Rookh]'' (1817), ''Light of the Harem'', reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 822.
----
====[[w:Tulip|Tulip]] <small>(''Tulipa'')</small>====
: ''See [[Tulips]]''.
----
====[[w:Viola (plant)|Violet]] <small>(''Viola odorata'')</small>====
{{Main|Violets}}
* Violets! — deep-blue violets!<br>April's loveliest coronets!<br>There are no flowers grow in the vale,<br>Kiss'd by the dew, wooed by the gale, —<br>None by the dew of the twilight wet,<br>So sweet as the deep-blue violet!
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''The Improvisatrice'' (1824), 'The Violet'
* Though many a flower may win my praise,<br>The violet has my love;<br>I did not pass my childish days<br>In garden or in grove:<br>My garden was the window-seat,<br>Upon whose edge was set<br>A little vase—the fair, the sweet—<br>It was the violet.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''The Literary Souvenir, 1831'' (1830), 'The Violet', also published in ''The Vow of the Peacock'' (1835)
----
====[[w:Nymphaeaceae|Water-Lily]] <small>(''Nymphaeaceae'')</small>====
[[File:The Lilly Of Life.JPG|thumb|right|The slender water-lily<br>Peeps dreamingly out of the lake;<br>The moon, oppress'd with love's sorrow,<br>Looks tenderly down for her sake. ]]
[[File:Victoria cruziana flower.jpg|thumb|right|Now folds the lily all her sweetness up,<br>And slips into the bosom of the lake.]]
* Summer night, <br>blossoming in the pond, <br>water-lilies and stars
** [[Anatoly Kudryavitsky]], ''Morning at Mount Ring'' (2007).
* Those virgin lilies, all the night<br>Bathing their beauties in the lake,<br>That they may rise more fresh and bright,<br>When their beloved sun's awake.
** [[Thomas Moore]], ''[http://www.columbia.edu/itc/mealac/pritchett/00generallinks/lallarookh/index.html Lalla Rookh]'' (1817), ''Paradise and the Peri''.
* The water-lily starts and slides<br>Upon the level in little puffs of wind,<br>Tho' anchor'd to the bottom.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Princess'' (1847), IV, line 236.
* Now folds the lily all her sweetness up,<br>And slips into the bosom of the lake;<br>So fold thyself, my dearest, thou, and slip<br>Into my bosom, and be lost in me.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''The Princess'' (1847), VII, line 171.
* Rapaciously we gathered flowery spoils<br>From land and water; lilies of each hue, , <br>Golden and white, that float upon the waves,<br>And court the wind.
** [[William Wordsworth]], ''The Excursion'' (1814), Book IX, line 540.
=====''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) =====
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 863.</small>
* What loved little islands, twice seen in their lakes :<br>Can the wild water-lily restore.
** [[Thomas Campbell]], ''Field Flowers''.
* The slender water-lily<br>Peeps dreamingly out of the lake;<br>The moon, oppress'd with love's sorrow,<br>Looks tenderly down for her sake.
** [[Heinrich Heine]], ''Book of Songs'', ''New Spring'', No. 15, Stanza 1.
* Broad water-lilies lay tremulously.<br>And starry river-buds glimmered by,<br>And around them the soft stream did glide and dance<br>With a motion of sweet sound and radiance.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''The Sensitive Plant'', Part I.
* Swan flocks of lilies shoreward lying,<br>In sweetness, not in music, dying.
** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''The Maids of Attitash''.
==External links==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Wiktionary-inline}}
[[Category:Flowers| ]]
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Anemone
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[[File:Anemones5.jpg|thumb|right|Thy subtle charm is strangely given,<br>My fancy will not let thee be, , <br>Then poise not thus 'twixt earth and heaven,<br>O white anemone!]]
[[File:Anemones in a Vase - Piet Mondriaan - 1906.jpg|thumb|right|Anemone, so well<br>Named of the wind, to which thou art all free.]]
'''''{{w|Anemone}}''''' is a genus of flowering plants in the {{w|buttercup}} family {{w|Ranunculaceae}}. Plants of the genus are commonly called '''windflowers'''.
== Quotes ==
* Tears the [[w:Aphrodite|Paphian]] shed, drop by drop for the drops of {{w|Adonis}}’<br>Blood; and on earth each drop, as it fell, grew into a blossom:<br>Roses sprang from the blood, and the tears gave birth to the wind-flower.
** [[Bion of Smyrna]], "Lament for Adonis", as translated by [[John Addington Symonds|J. A. Symonds Jr.]] in ''The Century Guild Hobby Horse'' (October 1890)
* Within the woods,<br>Whose young and half transparent leaves scarce cast<br>A shade, gray circles of anemones<br>Danced on their stalks.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], "The Old Man's Counsel", in ''[[w:The United States Magazine and Democratic Review|The U.S. Magazine and Democratic Review]]'' (1840), p. 111.
* Or, bide thou where the poppy blows<br>With windflowers frail and fair.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], "The Arctic Lover to His Mistress", st. 4, in [https://archive.org/details/poems01bryagoog/page/n74/mode/2up ''Poems''] (1834), p. 56
* The little windflower, whose just opened eye<br>Is blue as the spring heaven it gazes at.
** [[William Cullen Bryant]], "A Winter Piece", in [https://archive.org/details/throughyearwith01adamgoog/page/n96/mode/2up ''Through the Year with the Poets''], ed. [[w:Oscar Fay Adams|O. F. Adams]] (1885), p. 63
* The spring, long retarded by previous cold, had now begun in all its comeliness, and life was rampant. Already, over the first emerald of the grass, the dandelion was showing yellow, and the red-pink anemone was hanging its tender head.
** [[Nikolai Gogol]], ''{{w|Dead Souls}}'' (1842), Part II, Ch. 1, as translated by {{w|C. J. Hogarth}} (1916)
* Thy subtle charm is strangely given,<br>My fancy will not let thee be,<br>Then poise not thus 'twixt earth and heaven,<br>O white anemone!
** [[Elaine Goodale]], "Anemone", st. 5, [https://archive.org/details/inberkshire00eastrich/page/22/mode/2up ''In Berkshire with the Wild Flowers''] (1879–80), p. 22
* The starry, fragile windflower,<br> Poised above in airy grace,<br>Virgin white, suffused with blushes,<br> Shyly droops her lovely face.
** [[Elaine Goodale]], "The First Flowers", ll. 1–4, reported in [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.87314/page/n283/mode/2up ''The Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations''] (1896), p. 250
* Anemone, so well<br>Named of the wind, to which thou art all free.
** [[George MacDonald]], "Wild Flowers", l. 9, in [https://archive.org/details/discipleandothe01macdgoog/page/n278/mode/2up ''The Disciple, and Other Poems''] (1867), p. 267
* From the soft wing of vernal breezes shed,<br>Anemones, auritulas, enriched<br>With shining meal o'er all their velvet leaves.
** [[James Thomson (poet)|James Thomson]], ''The Seasons: Spring'' (1728), l. 533
* Thou lookest up with meek, confiding eye<br> Upon the clouded smile of April's face,<br>Unharmed though Winter stands uncertain by,<br> Eyeing with jealous glance each opening grace.
** [[Jones Very]], "The Windflower", in [https://archive.org/details/essaysandpoems00verygoog/page/n140/mode/2up ''Essays and Poems''] (1839), p. 123
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 26
[[Category:Flowers]]
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[[File:Karen Armstrong.jpg|thumb|[[Religion]] is hard [[work]]. Its [[insights]] are not [[self-evident]] and have to be cultivated in the same way as an appreciation of [[art]], [[music]], or [[poetry]] must be developed.]]
'''[[w:Karen Armstrong|Karen Armstrong]]''', [[w:Royal Society of Literature|FRSL]] (born [[14 November]] [[1944]]) is a British author and commentator of [[w:Irish Catholic|Irish Catholic]] descent known for her books on [[w:comparative religion|comparative religion]]. A former Roman Catholic [[w:Religious sister (Catholic)|religious sister]], she went from a conservative to a more liberal and [[w:Christian mysticism|mystical Christian]] faith. She attended [[w:St Anne's College, Oxford|St Anne's College, Oxford]], while in the convent and majored in English. She left the convent in 1969. Her work focuses on commonalities of the major religions, such as the importance of [[compassion]] and the [[Golden Rule]].
== Quotes ==
[[File:Electricsheep-3052.jpg|thumb| "My thoughts are not your [[thoughts]]. For as high as the [[heavens]] are above the [[earth]], so are my thoughts above your thoughts, my ways above your ways." … should be written over every … pulpit. … Because so often we think that [[God]]'s ways are our ways.]]
[[File:Thanksgiving chapel interior.jpg|thumb|I say that [[religion]] isn’t about [[believing]] things. It’s [[ethical]] [[alchemy]]. It’s about behaving in a way that [[changes]] you, that gives you intimations of [[holiness]] and [[sacredness]].]]
*'''"My thoughts are not your [[thoughts]]. For as high as the [[heavens]] are above the [[earth]], so are my thoughts above your thoughts, my ways above your ways." … should be written over every … pulpit. … Because so often we think that [[God]]'s ways are our ways.''' God's thoughts are our thoughts. And we created God in our own image and likeness saying, "God approves of this. God forbids that. God desires the other." <br> '''This is where some of the worst atrocities of religion have come from. Because people have used [it] — to give a sacred seal of a divine approval to some of their most worst hatreds, loathings, and fears.''' Whereas to the great [[theologian]]s — what I found when I was studying for ''A History Of God'' — the great theologians in all three of the monotheistic religions, Jewish, Christian, Muslim — all insisted that yes, God was personal. But God went beyond the personal. <br> You shouldn't speak glibly about God … '''in Judaism you may not speak God's name as a reminder that any human expression of the divine is likely to be so limited as to be blasphemous. But God should challenge your assumptions … you shouldn't imagine you've got Him in your pocket.'''
** Referring to the famous passage in [http://bible.cc/isaiah/55-8.htm Isaiah 55:8] where YHWH speaks of the nature of mortal and immortal qualities and thoughts, in a [http://www.pbs.org/now/transcript/transcript315_full.html NOW interview (4 September 2004)]
* '''A project like [[Pangea Day|Pangea]], which enables us to enter in to the situations of others, imaginatively, is fulfilling what the religions call the [[w:Ethic of reciprocity|Golden Rule]]...''' going into one's own experience, and going into other's experience, and seeing the world from another perspective — '''that's what we desperately need in our dangerously polarized world.'''
** [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ5ZmB2kdo0 "Karen Armstrong Joins Pangea Day!" (2008)]
* '''I say that religion isn’t about believing things. It’s ethical alchemy. It’s about behaving in a way that changes you, that gives you intimations of holiness and sacredness.'''
** As quoted in [http://www.tedprize.org/karen-armstrong/ Profile at TEDprize.org (2009)]
===''[[w:A History of God|A History of God]]'' (1993)===
[[File:Universal Light.jpg|thumb|There is a distinction between [[belief]] in a set of [[propositions]] and a [[faith]] which enables us to put our [[trust]] in them.]]
[[File:CERN shiva.jpg |thumb| [[Human]] beings are the only [[animals]] who have the capacity to envisage something that is not [[present]] or something that does not yet [[exist]] but which is merely possible. The [[imagination]] has thus been the cause of our major [[achievements]] in [[science]] and [[technology]] as well as in [[art]] and [[religion]].]]
* '''The only way to show a [[true]] [[respect]] for [[God]] is to act [[morally]] while ignoring God’s existence.'''
*Respect only has meaning as respect for those with whom I do not agree.
*Yet a personal God can become a grave liability. He can be a mere idol carved in our own image, a projection of our limited needs, fears and desires. We can assume that he loves what we love and hates what we hate, endorsing our prejudices instead of compelling us to transcend them.
*Eventually, with regret, I left the religious life, and, once freed of the burden of failure and inadequacy, I felt my belief in God slip quietly away. He had never really impinged upon my life, though I had done my best to enable him to do so. Now that I no longer felt so guilty and anxious about him, he became too remote to be a reality.
*Yet it is perhaps worth mentioning that the [[Masculinity|masculine]] tenor of God-talk is particularly problematic in English. In Hebrew, Arabic and French, however, grammatical gender gives theological discourse a sort of sexual counterpoint and dialectic, which provides a balance that is often lacking in English. Thus in Arabic al-Lah (the supreme name for God) is grammatically masculine, but the word for the divine and inscrutable essence of God—al-Dhat—is [[Femininity|feminine]].
*The more I learned about the history of religion, the more my earlier misgivings appeared justified. The doctrines that I had accepted without question as a child were indeed man-made, constructed over a long period. Science seemed to have disposed of the Creator God, and biblical scholars had proved that [[Jesus]] had never claimed to be divine.
*One of the most characteristic new developments since the 1970s has been the rise of a type of religiosity that we usually call “[[fundamentalism]]” in most of the major world religions, including the three religions of God. A highly political spirituality, it is literal and intolerant in its vision. In the United States, which has always been prone to extremist and apocalyptic enthusiasm, Christian fundamentalism has attached itself to the New Right. Fundamentalists campaign for the abolition of legal abortion and for a hard line on moral and social decency.
*[[Islamism|Muslim fundamentalist]]s have toppled governments and either assassinated or threatened the enemies of [[Islam]] with the death penalty. Similarly, [[Jewish fundamentalism|Jewish fundamentalists]] have settled in the [[Palestine |Occupied Territories of the West Bank and the Gaza Strip]] with the avowed intention of driving out the [[Palestinians|Arab inhabitants]], using force if necessary. Thus they believe that they are paving a way for the advent of the [[Messiah]], which is at hand. In all its forms, fundamentalism is a fiercely reductive faith.
*'''There is a distinction between [[belief]] in a set of propositions and a [[faith]] which enables us to put our [[trust]] in them.'''
*People would continue to adopt a particular conception of the divine because it worked for them, not because it was scientifically or philosophically sound.
*[[Human]] beings cannot endure emptiness and desolation; they will fill the vacuum by creating a new focus of meaning. The idols of fundamentalism are not good substitutes for God; if we are to create a vibrant new faith for the twenty-first century, we should, perhaps, ponder the history of God for some lessons and warnings.
*Human beings are the only animals who have the capacity to envisage something that is not present or something that does not yet exist but which is merely possible. The imagination has thus been the cause of our major achievements in science and technology as well as in art and religion.
**Chapter 7, ''God of the Mystics''
=== ''Islam: A Short History'' (2000) ===
* The Western media often give the impression that the embattled and occasionally violent form of religiosity known as "fundamentalism" is a purely Islamic phenomenon. This is not the case. Fundamentalism is a global fact and has surfaced in every major faith in response to the problems of our modernity. There is fundamentalist Judaism, fundamentalist Christianity, fundamentalist Hinduism, fundamentalist Buddhism, fundamentalist Sikhism, and even fundamentalist Confucianism.
* '''Muhammad was one of those rare men who truly enjoy the company of women. Some of his male companions were astonished by his leniency towards his wives and the way they stood up to him and answered him back. Muhammad scrupulously helped with the chores, mended his own clothes and sought out the companionship of his wives.'''
*Muhammad became the archetypal example of that perfect submission to the divine, and Muslims, as we shall see, would attempt to conform to this standard in their spiritual and social lives. Muhammad was never venerated as a divine figure, but he was held to be the Perfect Man. His surrender to God had been so complete that he had transformed society and enabled the Arabs to live together in harmony. The word ''Islam'' is etymologically related to ''salam'' (peace), and in these early years Islam did promote cohesion and concord.
** Chapter 1: Beginnings
=== ''Muhammad: A Biography of The Prophet'' (2001) ===
*The new radical Islam is not simply inspired by the hatred of the West, however. Nor is it in any sense a homogeneous movement. Radical Muslims are primarily concerned to put their own house in order and to address the cultural dislocation that many have experienced in the modern period.It is really impossible to generalize about the rise of this more extreme form of the religion. It not only differs from country to country, but from town to town and from village to village. People feel cut off from their roots: Western culture has invaded the interstices of their lives.
**Chapter 1: "Muhammad The Enemy"
*'''All truly creative thought is in some sense intuitive; it demands a leap forward into the dark world of uncreated reality. Seen in this way, intuition is not the abdication of reason but rather reason speeded up, encapsulated in an instant, so that a solution appears without the usual laborious logical preparations. A creative genius comes back from this undiscovered country like ones of the heroes of antiquity, who has wrested something back from the gods and brought it to mankind. It is possible, perhaps, to see religious inspiration in a similar way.'''
**Chapter 4: "Revelation"
*Far from being the father of jihad, Mohammad was a peacemaker, who risked his life and nearly lost the loyalty of his closest companions because he was determined to effect a reconciliation with Mecca.
*He was decisive and wholehearted in everything he did, so intent non the task at hand that he never looked over his shoulder, even if his cloak got caught in a thorny bush. When he did turn to speak to somebody, he used to swing his entire body and dress him full face. When he shook hands, he was never the first to withdraw his own. He inspired such confidence that he was known as al-Amin, the Reliable One.
**''Muhammad: A Prophet of Our Times''
*Deeds that seemed unimportant at the time would prove to have been momentous; a tiny act of selfishness and unkindness or, conversely, an unconsidered act of generosity would become the measure of a human life.
**''Muhammad: A Prophet of Our Times''
*He was simply a nadhir, a messenger with a warning, and should approach the Quraysh humbly, avoid provocation, and be careful not to attack their gods. This is what the great prophets had done in the past.28 A prophet had to be altruistic; he must not trumpet his own opinions egotistically or trample on the sensibilities of others, but should always put the welfare of the community first.
**''Muhammad: A Prophet of Our Times''
*The word qur’an means “recitation.” It was not designed for private perusal, but like most scriptures, it was meant to be read aloud, and the sound was an essential part of the sense. Poetry was important in Arabia. The poet was the spokesman, social historian, and cultural authority of his tribe, and over the years the Arabs had learned how to listen to a recitation and had developed a highly sophisticated critical ear.
**''Muhammad: A Prophet of Our Times''
*'''Monotheism is essentially inimical to tribalism: it demands that a people unite in a single community.'''
**Chapter 6, ''The Satanic Verses''
*Muslims respect the pacifist message of Jesus (even though the Qu'ran points out that Christians can be very belligerent but they accept that force is sometimes necessary. If tyrants and loathsome regimes were not opposed militarily, evil would have swamped the whole world.
**Chapter 7, ''Holy War''
=== NOW interview (2002) ===
[[File:Rainbow droplet 630x441.jpg|thumb|The [[w:Sufism|Sufis]] ...the [[mystical]] branch of [[Islam]] … insisted that when you had encountered [[God]], you were neither a [[Jew]], a [[Christian]], a [[Muslim]]. You were at home equally in a synagogue, a mosque, a temple or a church, because all rightly guided religion comes from God, and a man of God, once he's glimpsed the divine, has left these man-made distinctions behind.]]
:<small>[http://www.pbs.org/now/printable/transcript_armstrong_print.html NOW Interview (1 March 2002)] with [[Bill Moyers]], at PBS</small>
* '''There are some forms of religion that must make God weep.''' There are some forms of religion that are bad, just as there's bad cooking or bad art or bad sex, you have bad religion too. Religion that has concentrated on egotism, that's concentrated on belligerence rather than compassion. … But then you have to remember that this is what human beings do. '''Secularism has shown that it can be just as murderous, just as lethal … as religion.''' Now I think one of the reasons why religion developed in the way that it did over the centuries was precisely to curb this murderous bent that we have as human beings.
* '''Compassion is not a popular virtue.''' Very often when I talk to religious people, and mention how important it is that compassion is the key, that it's the ''[[w:Sine qua non|sine qua non]]'' of religion, people look kind of balked, and stubborn sometimes, as much to say, "'''what's the point of having religion if you can't disapprove of other people?'''" And sometimes we use religion just to back up these unworthy hatreds, because we're frightened too.
* '''Ironically, the first thing that appealed to me about Islam was its pluralism. The fact that the [[Qur'an]] praises all the great prophets of the past.''' That [[Muhammad|Mohammed]] didn't believe he had come to found a new religion to which everybody had to convert, but he was just the prophet sent to the Arabs, who hadn't had a prophet before, and left out of the divine plan. There's a story where Mohammed makes a sacred flight from Mecca to Jerusalem, to the Temple Mount. And there he is greeted by all the great prophets of the past. And he ascends to the divine throne, speaking to the prophets like [[Jesus]] and [[w:Aaron|Aaron]], [[Moses]], he takes advice from Moses, and finally encounters [[Abraham]] at the threshold of the divine sphere. This story of the flight of Mohammed and the ascent to the divine throne is the paradigm, the archetype of Muslim spirituality. It reflects the ascent that every Muslim must make to God and the [[w:Sufism|Sufis]] ...the mystical branch of Islam, the Sufi movement, insisted that when you had encountered God, you were neither a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim. '''You were at home equally in a synagogue, a mosque, a temple or a church, because all rightly guided religion comes from God, and a man of God, once he's glimpsed the divine, has left these man-made distinctions behind.'''
* '''All fundamentalist movements… whether they're Jewish, Christian or Muslim or Buddhist, all begin as an intra-religious debate, an intra-religious struggle.''' Then, at a later stage, fundamentalists sometimes reach out towards a foreign foe and hence the Muslim feeling that American foreign policy … is holding them back.
* At the beginning of the twentieth century, every single leading Muslim intellectual was in love with the west, and wanted their countries to look just like Britain and France. '''Some of them even said that the Europeans … were better Muslims than they themselves, because their modern society had enabled them to create a fairer and more just distribution of wealth, than was possible in their pre-modern climates, and that accorded more perfectly with the vision of the Quran.''' <br> Then there was the experience of colonialism under Britain and France, experiences like Suez, the Iranian revolution, Israel, and some people, not all by any means… have allowed this … these series of disasters to corrode into hatred. Islam is a religion of success. Unlike Christianity, which has as its main image, in the west at least, a man dying in a devastating, disgraceful, helpless death. … crucified, and that turned into victory. '''Mohammed was not an apparent failure. He was a dazzling success, politically as well as spiritually, and Islam went from strength to strength to strength.''' But against the West, it's been able to make no headway, and this is as disturbing for Muslims as the discoveries of [[Charles Darwin|Darwin]] have been to some Christians. The Quran says that if you live according to the Quranic ideal, implementing justice in your society, then your society will prosper, because this is the way human beings are supposed to live. But whatever they do, they cannot seem to get Muslim history back on track, and this has led some, and only a minority, it must be said, to desperate conclusions.
=== ''The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness'' (2004) ===
[[File:Le bon Samaritain-Aime Nicolas Morot.jpg|thumb|The one and only [[test]] of a valid [[religious]] [[idea]], [[doctrinal]] [[statement]], [[spiritual]] [[experience]], or [[devotional]] [[practice]] was that it must lead directly to practical [[compassion]].]]
* '''We are, the great [[Spirituality|spiritual]] writers insist, most fully ourselves when we give ourselves away, and it is egotism that holds us back from that [[Mysticism|transcendent experience]] that has been called [[God]], [[w:Nirvana|Nirvana]], [[w:Brahman|Brahman]], or the [[Tao]].''' <br> What I now realize, from my study of the different religious traditions, is that a disciplined attempt to go beyond the ego brings about a state of ecstasy. Indeed, it is in itself ''ekstasis''. '''[[Theologian]]s in [[Universalism|all the great faiths]] have devised all kinds of myths to show that this type of ''[[kenosis]]'', or self-emptying, is found in the life of God itself.''' They do not do this because it sounds edifying, but because this is the way that human nature seems to work. '''We are most creative and sense other possibilities that transcend our ordinary experience when we leave ourselves behind.'''
* '''The one and only [[test]] of a valid [[religious]] [[idea]], [[doctrinal]] [[statement]], [[spiritual]] [[experience]], or [[devotional]] [[practice]] was that it must lead directly to practical [[compassion]].''' If your [[understanding]] of the [[divine]] made you [[kinder]], more [[empathetic]], and impelled you to express this [[sympathy]] in concrete [[acts]] of loving-kindness, this was [[good]] [[theology]]. But if your [[notion]] of [[God]] made you [[unkind]], belligerent, [[cruel]], or [[self-righteous]], or if it led you to [[kill]] in God's [[name]], it was [[bad]] theology. Compassion was the litmus test for the [[prophets]] of [[Israel]], for the rabbis of the [[Talmud]], for [[Jesus]], for [[Paul of Tarsus|Paul]], and for [[Muhammad]], not to mention [[Confucius]], [[Laozi|Lao-tsu]], the [[Gautama Buddha|Buddha]], or the sages of the [[Upanishads]].
* I tremble for our world, where, in the smallest ways, we find it impossible, as [[w:Marshall Hodgson|Marshall Hodgson]] enjoined, to find room for the other in our minds. If we cannot accommodate a viewpoint in a friend without resorting to unkindness, how can we hope to heal the terrible problems of our planet? I no longer think that any principle or opinion is worth anything if it makes you unkind or intolerant.
=== ''[[w:The Case for God|The Case for God]]'' (2009)===
:<small>''The Case for God : What Religion Really Means'' (2009) </small>
* '''Religion is hard work. Its insights are not self-evident and have to be cultivated in the same way as an appreciation of art, music, or poetry must be developed.'''
** Ch. 1 : ''Homo religiosus'', p. 8
=== ''Ode'' interview (2009) ===
[[File:LuMaxArt_Golden_Family_With_World_Religions.jpg|thumb|[[Religion]] is really an [[art]] form and a struggle to find [[value]] and [[meaning]] amid the ghastly [[tragedy]] of [[human]] [[life]].]]
:<small>[http://www.odemagazine.com/doc/66/reason-of-faith/all "The reason of faith" by Michael Brunton, in ''Ode'' magazine (September - October 2009)]</small>
* '''A lot of the arguments about religion going on at the moment spring from a rather inept understanding of religious truth''' … Our notion changed during the early modern period when we became convinced that the only path to any kind of truth was reason. That works beautifully for science but doesn't work so well for the humanities. '''Religion is really an art form and a struggle to find value and meaning amid the ghastly tragedy of human life.'''
* The cosmology of the ancient world was telling you about the nature of life here and now. ''[[Genesis]]'' is not about the origins of life. There were many other creation stories current in Israel at that time and no one was required to believe in that one.
* People like [[Thomas Aquinas]] would say we can't talk about God as a creator because we can only have in our heads the idea of a human creator and that can't apply to God. '''We can't even say that God exists because our notion of existence is too limited to apply to God.''' People were instructed to think about this in those terms.
* [[Isaac Newton|Newton]] and [[René Descartes|Descartes]] started to try and prove that God existed in the same way as they would try and prove something in the laboratory or with their mathematics … And when you try and mix science and religion you get bad science and bad religion. The two are doing two different things. … Science can give you a diagnosis of cancer. It can even cure your disease, but it cannot touch your grief and disappointment, nor can it [[help]] you to [[die]] well.
* It's not easy to talk about transcendence, just as it's not easy to play or listen to a late [[Ludwig van Beethoven|Beethoven]] quartet … '''You have to practice quite hard, like you do with any art form. Religion is hard work.'''
== Quotes about Armstrong ==
[[File:Hoag's object.jpg|thumb|This is the "[[w:Apophasis|apophatic]]" tradition, in which nothing about [[God]] can be put into [[words]] … Armstrong is not presenting a case for God in the sense most people in our [[idolatrous]] [[world]] would think of it. ~ [[w:Simon Blackburn|Simon Blackburn]] ]]
* '''This is the "[[w:Apophasis|apophatic]]" tradition, in which nothing about [[God]] can be put into [[words]].''' Armstrong firmly recommends [[silence]], having written at least 15 books on the topic. '''Words such as "God" have to be seen as [[symbols]], not [[names]], but any word falls short of describing what it symbolises, and will always be inadequate, contradictory, metaphorical or allegorical. The mystery at the heart of religious practice is ineffable, unapproachable by reason and by language. Silence is its truest expression.''' The right kind of silence, of course, not that of the pothead or inebriate. The religious state is exactly that of Alice after hearing the nonsense poem "Jabberwocky": "Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas — only I don't exactly know what they are." … Armstrong is not presenting a case for God in the sense most people in our idolatrous world would think of it. '''The ordinary man or woman in the pew or on the prayer mat probably thinks of God as a kind of large version of themselves with mysterious powers and a rather nasty temper.''' That is the vice of theory again, and as long as they think like that, ordinary folk are not truly religious, whatever they profess. By contrast, Armstrong promises that her kinds of practice will make us better, wiser, more forgiving, loving, courageous, selfless, hopeful and just. Who can be against that? <br> The odd thing is that the book presupposes that such desirable improvements are the same thing as an increase in understanding — only a kind of understanding that has no describable content. It is beyond words, yet is nevertheless to be described in terms of awareness and truth.
** [[w:Simon Blackburn|Simon Blackburn]], reviewing ''[[w:The Case for God|The Case for God : What Religion Really Means]]'' in [http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/jul/04/case-for-god-karen-armstrong "All quiet on the God front" in ''The Guardian'' (4 July 2009)]
* Like [[Jane Austen|Austen]], and in a polished English accent, Armstrong is sharp-witted, quick to ridicule nonsense, and a good storyteller. … In conversation, Armstrong spins the threads of her research with agile, unhesitating precision, leaping across centuries of scripture, philosophy and theology.
** Michael Brunton [http://www.odemagazine.com/doc/66/reason-of-faith/all "The reason of faith", in ''Ode'' magazine (September - October 2009)]
*Shortly after 9/11, there was a book published called ''How Did This Happen?'' that included an essay by Karen Armstrong in which she said a world religion has been hijacked by this band of fanatics. I don’t buy that for a minute.
**Michael Cook, [http://www.pewforum.org/2006/05/22/how-and-why-muhammad-made-a-difference/ "How and Why Muhammad Made a Difference"]. May 22, 2006.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/library/author.pperl?authorid=834 Author Spotlight at Random House]
* [http://www.pbs.org/now/search_google.html?q=Karen+Armstrong&simplesearch=Search NOW Interviews at PBS]
* [http://www.islamfortoday.com/karenarmstrong.htm Profile at Islamfortoday.com]
* [http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/documentaries/2009/07/090714_theforum_120709.shtml Audio: Karen Armstrong in conversation on ''The Forum'' (BBC World Service)]
* [http://charterforcompassion.org Charter for Compassion]
* [http://www.fifthestate.co.uk/author/karenarmstrong/ Articles by Karen Armstrong on the 5th Estate blog]
* [http://www.readthespirit.com/explore/2007/11/049-conversatio.html Interview with Karen Armstrong on "The Bible"]
* [http://www.ted.com/talks/karen_armstrong_let_s_revive_the_golden_rule.html Karen Armstrong's TED Talk "Let's revive the golden rule"]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Armstrong, Karen}}
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[[Category:Non-fiction authors from England]]
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[[Category:Christian nuns]]
[[Category:Catholics from England]]
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Hands
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[[File:Sitta europaea wildlife 3.jpg|thumb| You are opening your hand and satisfying the desire of every living thing. </br> ~ [[David]] </br> [[Psalm]] 145:16, [[NWT]]]]
[[File:Optiko.JPG|thumb|Let your left hand turn away what your right hand attracts. ~ ''[[Talmud]]'']]
'''[[w:Hand|Hands]]''' are prehensile, multi-fingered extremities located at the end of an arm or forelimb of primates such as [[human]]s, [[chimpanzee]]s, [[gorilla]]s and [[orangutan]]s. Hands are the chief organs for physically manipulating the environment, used for both gross motor skills (such as grasping a large object) and fine motor skills (such as picking up a small pebble). The fingertips contain some of the densest areas of nerve endings on the body, are the richest source of tactile feedback, and have the greatest positioning capability of the body; thus the sense of touch is intimately associated with hands.
== Quotes ==
[[File:JUL Iris Soul Palm.png|thumb|Come take my hand, you should [[know]] me… ~ [[w:John Farrar|John Farrar]] ]]
[[File:Hand of the Mysteries.jpg|thumb|[[God]] looks at [[pure]], not full, hands. ~ [[Publilius Syrus]] ]]
* Hand, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
** [[Ambrose Bierce]], ''The Cynic's Dictionary'' (1906); republished as ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911).
* '''See the [[sun]] set in the [[hand]] of the [[man]].'''
** [[Kate Bush]], in [[w:The Dreaming (song)|The Dreaming]]", on [[w:The Dreaming (album)|''The Dreaming'']] (1982)
* Even to the delicacy of their hand<br> There was resemblance such as true blood wears.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Don Juan (Byron)|Don Juan]]'' (1818-24), Canto IV, Stanza 45
* For through the South the custom still commands<br>The gentleman to kiss the lady's hands.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Don Juan (Byron)|Don Juan]]'' (1818-24), Canto V, Stanza 105
* You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
** [[David]], [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/b/r1/lp-e/nwt/E/2013/19/145#h=3274:0-3275:0 Psalm 145:16]
* A beautiful hand is an excellent thing in woman; it is a charm that never palls, and better than all, it is a means of fascination that never disappears. Women carry a beautiful hand with them to the grave, when a beautiful face has long ago vanished, or ceased to enchant.
** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], ''[[w:Henrietta Temple|Henrietta Temple]]'' (London: Longmans, Green, and Co., 1837), Book I, Ch. XIV, p. 143
* Like a led victim, to my death I'll go,<br>And, dying, bless the hand that gave the blow.
** [[John Dryden]], ''The Spanish Friar'' (1681), Act II, scene 1
* ''Come take my hand, you should know me, <br> I've always been in your mind <br> You know I will be kind, I'll be guiding you <br>Building your dream has to start now, <br> There's no other road to take <br> You won't make a mistake, I'll be guiding you.''
** [[w:John Farrar|John Farrar]] in "[[w:Magic (Olivia Newton-John song)|Magic]]", from the film ''[[Xanadu (film)|Xanadu]]'' (1980)
* My hands are small I know, but they're not yours, they are my own
** [[Jewel (singer)|Jewel]], ''Hands''
* 'Twas a hand<br>White, delicate, dimpled, warm, languid, and bland.<br>The hand of a woman is often, in youth,<br>Somewhat rough, somewhat red, somewhat graceless in truth;<br>Does its beauty refine, as its pulses grow calm,<br>Or as sorrow has crossed the life line in the palm?
** [[Owen Meredith]] (Lord Lytton), ''Lucile'' (1860), Part I, Canto III, Stanza 18
* His red right hand.
** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 174
* Without the bed her other fair hand was,<br> On the green coverlet; whose perfect white<br>Show'd like an April daisy on the grass,<br> With pearly sweat, resembling dew of night.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''The Rape of Lucrece'' (1594), line 393
* All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'' (1605), Act V, scene 1, line 57
* They may seize<br>On the white wonder of dear Juliet's hand.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Romeo and Juliet]]'' (1597), Act III, scene 3, line 35
* O, that her hand,<br>In whose comparison all whites are [[ink]],<br>Writing their own reproach, to whose soft seizure<br>The cygnet's down is harsh and spirit of sense<br>Hard as the palm of ploughman.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Troilus and Cressida]]'' (c. 1602), Act I, scene 1, line 55
* Good is in the hands. Evil is also in the hands.
** [[Sumerian proverb]], [http://etcsl.orinst.ox.ac.uk/proverbs/t.6.1.22.html Collection XXII] at {{w|The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature}}, {{w|3rd millennium BCE}}.
* Let your left hand turn away what your right hand attracts.
** ''[[Talmud]]'', ''[[W:Sotah (Talmud)|Sotah]]'', 47.
* ''Come and hold my hand<br>I wanna contact the [[living]]''
** [[Robbie Williams]] and {{w|Guy Chambers}}, ''[[W:Feel (Robbie Williams song)|Feel]]'', ''[[W:Escapology (album)|Escapology]]'' (18 November 2002)
===''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''===
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 349-50.</small>
* ''Una mano lava l'altra, ed ambedue lavano il volto.''
** One hand washeth another, both the face.
** [[John Florio]], ''Vocabolario Italiano & Inglese''
* His hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him
** Genesis, XVI. 12
* The voice is Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.
** Genesis, XXVII. 22
* ''Rubente dextra.''
** Red right hand.
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', I, 2, 2
* We bear it calmly, though a ponderous woe,<br>And still adore the hand that gives the blow.
** [[John Pomfret]], ''Verses to his Friend under Affliction''
* ''Puras deus non plenas adspicit manus.''
** God looks at pure, not full, hands.
** [[Publilius Syrus]], ''Maxims''
* ''Dextra mihi Deus.''
** My right hand is to me as a god.
** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), X. 773
==See also==
* [[Hand washing]]
* [[Handshake]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|hand}}
[[Category:Anatomy]]
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Evil
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[[File:Extermination of Evil Tenkeisei crop.jpg|thumb|Destroy the seed of evil, or it will grow up to your ruin. ~ [[Aesop]]]]
'''[[w:Evil|Evil]]''' is a term used to indicate acts or qualities involving needless or wanton harm or destruction, or the deliberate violation of some accepted moral codes of behavior. The philosophical questions which arise among various perceptions and definitions of the nature of evil and virtue are a primary focus of most ethical and religious systems of thought. In [[religion]], [[ethics]], [[philosophy]], and [[psychology]] "[[good and evil]]" is a very common {{w|dichotomy}}.
[[File:The history of the devil and the idea of evil; from the earliest times to the present day (1899) (14589601227).jpg|thumb|Evils draw men together. [[Aristotle]]]]
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
==A==
* Vile deeds are vile, no matter whether we know or do not know what, after death, will be the fate of the doer.
** [[Felix Adler]], ''[https://archive.org/details/bub_gb_59IZAAAAMAAJ/mode/1up Life and Destiny]'' (1913), Section 9 : Ethical Outlook
* Destroy the seed of evil, or it will grow up to your ruin.
** [[Aesop]], [http://www.bartleby.com/17/1/12.htm "The Swallow and the Other Birds"] (c. 6th century BC).
* One who enters the places of evil repute has no right to complain against a man who speaks ill of him.
**[[Ali]], ''A Hundred Sayings''
* One thing I know, I hold it ever true,<br>The evil-doer evil shall endure.
** [[Archilochus]], quoted in ''To Autolycus'', Book 2, Chap. 37 by [[w:Theophilus of Antioch|Theophilus of Antioch]]
* What makes it so plausible to assume that [[hypocrisy]] is the [[Vices|vice]] of vices is that [[integrity]] can indeed exist under the cover of all other vices except this one. Only crime and the criminal, it is true, confront us with the perplexity of radical evil; but only the [[Hypocrisy|hypocrite]] is really rotten to the core.
** [[Hannah Arendt]], ''On Revolution'' (1963), ch. 2.
* Evils draw men together.
** [[Aristotle]], in ''Rhetoric'' Book I, 1362.b39: Quoting a proverb
[[File:Blavatsky by FFuller.jpg|thumb| An evil deed... is like fire smoldering in the ashes, which burns the fool. ~ [[Helena Blavatsky|H.P. Blavatsky]]]]
* [[Gottfried Leibniz|Leibniz]] believed the [[universe]] is the expression of Perfect Reason. Therefore, it must be the best of all possible worlds. All apparent evil would be transformed by a larger view of the universe.
** {{W|Albert Edwin Avey}}, {{cite book|title=Handbook in the History of Philosophy|year=1954|publisher=Barnes & Noble|location=New York|page=151}}
==B==
[[File:The_Time_Machine_by_Virgil_Finlay_2.png|thumb|''I shall shed my [[light]] over [[dark]] evil.''<br>''For the dark things cannot stand the light[.]'' ~ [[Alfred Bester]]]]
*The distribution of the world's resources and the settled unity of the peoples of the world are in reality one and the same thing, for behind all modern [[wars]] lies a fundamental economic problem. Solve that and wars will very largely cease....'''[[Unity]], [[peace]] and [[security]] will come through the recognition — intelligently assessed—of the evils which have led to the present world situation, and then through the taking of those [[wise]], [[compassionate]] and understanding steps which will lead to the establishing of right human relations, to the substitution of [[cooperation]] for the present competitive system, and by the education of the masses in every land as to the nature of true [[goodwill]] and its hitherto unused potency.'''<BR>What at this moment appears to prevent world unity... ? The answer is not hard to find and involves all nations: [[nationalism]], [[capitalism]], [[competition]], blind stupid [[greed]].'''The mass of men need arousing to see that good comes to all men alike and not just to a few privileged groups, and to learn also that "hatred ceases not by hatred but that hatred ceases by love". This love is not a sentiment, but practical goodwill, expressing itself through individuals, in communities and among nations.'''<BR>The world economic council (or whatever body represents the resources of the world) must free itself from fraudulent politics, capitalistic influence and its devious scheming; it must set the resources of the earth free for the use of humanity. This will be a lengthy task but it will be possible when world need is better appreciated. An enlightened public opinion will make the decisions of the economic council practical and possible. Sharing and cooperation must be taught instead of greed and competition.
**[[Alice Bailey]] in ''Problems Of Humanity'', Chapter VI - The Problem of International Unity (1944)
* The major weapon now being used by the combined Forces of Evil is [[chaos]], disruption, lack of established security, and consequent [[fear]]. . . . The entire rhythm of international thinking has to be altered, and that constitutes a slow and arduous task; the evil personalities which, in every country, are responsible for the chaos and uncertainty, have eventually to be replaced by those who can work in [[Cooperation|co-operation]] with the rhythm of the seventh ray, and thus produce ordered beauty.
**[[Alice Bailey]], ''The Externalization of the Hierarchy,'' p. 668, (1957)
*Materialism and [[Spirituality]]: There are today three major human trends: First of all, a trend towards a spiritual and free way of life; secondly, a trend towards [[intellectual]] unfoldment; and lastly, a potent trend towards material living and [[aggression]]. At present, the last of these innate tendencies is in the saddle, with the second, the intellectual attitude, throwing its weight upon the side of the material goals. A relatively small group is throwing the weight of human [[aspiration]] upon the side of the spiritual values.
**[[Alice A. Bailey]], [[Alice_Bailey#The_Externalization_of_the_Hierarchy_(1957)|''The Externalisation Of The Hierarchy'']], Section Two, The General World Picture, [https://www.lucistrust.org/online_books/the_externalisation_the_hierarchy_obook/section_two_the_general_world_picture_part5 part 5], p. 183, (1957)
*The war between the pairs of opposites — [[materialism]] and [[spirituality]] — is raging fiercely. Only as men turn away from material aggression and towards spiritual objectives will the world situation change, and men — motivated by [[goodwill]] — force the aggressors back to their own place and release humanity from [[fear]] and [[force]]. We are today reaping the results of our own sowing. The recognition of the cause of the problem provides humanity with the opportunity to end it. The time has arrived in which it is possible to institute those changes in attitude which will bring an era of [[peace]] and [[goodwill]], founded on [[Righteousness|right]] human relations.<BR>These two forces — [[materialism]] and [[spirituality]] — face each other. What will be the outcome? Will men arrest the evil and initiate a period of [[understanding]], [[cooperation]] and right relationship, or will they continue the process of selfish planning and of economic and militant [[competition]]? This question must be answered by the clear thinking of the masses and by the [[calm]] and unafraid challenges of the [[democracies]].
**[[Alice A. Bailey]], [[Alice_Bailey#The_Externalization_of_the_Hierarchy_(1957)|''The Externalisation Of The Hierarchy'']], Section Two, The General World Picture, [https://www.lucistrust.org/online_books/the_externalisation_the_hierarchy_obook/section_two_the_general_world_picture_part5 part 5], p. 183, (1957)
* [[Cursed]] is the [[man]] who [[dies]] but the evil done by him [[survival|survives]].
** [[Abu Bakr]], ''Abdul Jaleel Qureshi''
* The difference between White and Black Magic lies in the motive which determines the Will; when that Will is set to benefit others, to help and bless all who come within its scope, then is the man a White Magician, and the results which he brings about by the exercise of his trained Will are beneficial, and aid the course of human evolution. He is ever expanding by such exercise.
** [[Annie Besant]], [https://archive.org/details/studyinconscious0000besa ''A Study in Consciousness: A contribution to the science of psychology''] (1904), Part II, Will, Desire and Emotion, Chapter 4. White and Black Magic.
* When the Will is exercised for the advantage of the lower self, when it is employed for personal ends and aims, then is the man a Black Magician, a danger to the race, and his results obstruct and delay human evolution.
** [[Annie Besant]], [https://archive.org/details/studyinconscious0000besa ''A Study in Consciousness: A contribution to the science of psychology''] (1904), Part II, Will, Desire and Emotion, Chapter 4. White and Black Magic.
* The Will of the Black Magician has the strength of iron, pointing ever to the personal end, and it strikes against the great Will, and sooner or later must shiver itself into pieces against it.
** [[Annie Besant]], [https://archive.org/details/studyinconscious0000besa ''A Study in Consciousness: A contribution to the science of psychology''] (1904), Part II, Will, Desire and Emotion, Chapter 4. White and Black Magic.
*'''[[w:Alan Scott|Alan Scott]]''': ''I shall shed my [[light]] over [[dark]] evil.''<br>''For the dark things cannot stand the light,''<br>''The light of the [[Green Lantern]]!''
** [[Alfred Bester]], ''[[w:Green Lantern (comic book)|Green Lantern]]'', Vol.1, #9, (October 1943)
* Generals gathered in their masses <br> just like witches at black masses. <br> Evil minds that plot destruction, <br> sorcerer of death's construction.
** [[w:Black Sabbath|Black Sabbath]] ''War Pigs'' [[w:Paranoid (album)|Paranoid]] written by [[w:Ozzy Osbourne|Ozzy Osbourne]], [[w:Tony Iommi|Tony Iommi]], [[w:Geezer Butler|Geezer Butler]] and [[w:Bill Ward|Bill Ward]]
* Evil power disappears <br> Demons worry when the wizard is near <br> He turns tears into joy <br> Everyone's happy when the wizard walks by.
** [[w:Black Sabbath|Black Sabbath]] ''The Wizard'' [[w:Black Sabbath (album)|Black Sabbath (album)]] written by [[w:Ozzy Osbourne|Ozzy Osbourne]], [[w:Tony Iommi|Tony Iommi]], [[w:Geezer Butler|Geezer Butler]] and [[w:Bill Ward|Bill Ward]]
*There exists no spot on the earth, or in the sky, or in the sea, neither is there any in the mountain-clefts, where an evil deed does not bring trouble to the doer.<BR>...Empty thy mind of evil, but fill it with good.<BR>...People talk of the Devil. Every man has seen him; he is in every sinful heart. (April)
**[[Helena Blavatsky|H.P. Blavatsky]], [[Gems from the East|''Gems from the East, a Birthday Book of Precepts and Axioms'']], (1890)
*Even a good man sees evil days, as long as his good deeds have not ripened; but when they have ripened, then does the good man see happy days.<BR>... By oneself the evil is done, by oneself one suffers; by oneself the evil is left undone... <BR>...If thou hast done evil deeds, or if thou wouldst do them, thou mayest arise and run where'er thou wilt, but thou canst not free thyself of thy suffering. <BR>... An evil deed does not turn on a sudden like curdling milk; it is like fire smoldering in the ashes, which burns the fool.<BR>... An evil deed kills not instantly, as does a sword, but it follows the evil-doer into his next and still next [[reincarnation|rebirth]]. (May)
**[[Helena Blavatsky|H.P. Blavatsky]], [[Gems from the East|''Gems from the East, a Birthday Book of Precepts and Axioms'']], (1890)
* A thing may [[appearance|look]] specious in theory, and yet be ruinous in practice; a thing may look evil in theory, and yet be in practice excellent.
**[[Edmund Burke]], ''Impeachment of Warren Hastings, 19th Feb. 1788''.
* Yes, evil thrives on secrecy.
** [[David Brin]], ''Kiln People'' (2002), Chapter 19 <small> ({{ISBN|0-765-34261-8}}, </small> p. 191)
==C==
*The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.
** [[Joseph Conrad]], Under Western Eyes (1911), Pt. II, ch. 4
* Evil is relative, Annalist. You can’t hang a sign on it. You can’t touch it or taste it or cut it with a sword. Evil depends on where you are standing, pointing your indicting finger.
** [[Glen Cook]], ''[[w:The Black Company (novel)| The Black Company]]'' (1984), chapter 6
==D==
* As soon as men decide that all means are permitted to fight an evil, then their good becomes indistinguishable from the evil that they set out to destroy.
** [[Christopher Dawson]], [https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Judgment_of_the_Nations/hZ8q6qtvn0IC?hl=en&gbpv=1&pg=PA9 ''The Judgement of the Nations''] (1942), pp. 9-10.
* “There is evil! It's actual, like cement.
: I can't believe it. I can't stand it.
: Evil is not a view ... it's an ingredient in us. In the world. Poured over us, filtering into our bodies, minds, hearts, into the pavement itself.”
:* [[Philip K. Dick]], The Man in the High Castle
[[File:Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.jpg|thumb|Of what use to destroy the [[children]] of evil? It is evil itself we must destroy at the roots. ~ [[Eleanor Farjeon]]]]
[[File:Belly Laugh, Dassanech, Ethiopia (22294760894).jpg|thumb|It's no use crying over spilt evils. It’s better to mop them up [[Laughter|laughing]]. ~ [[Eleanor Farjeon]]]]
* All evil in the world is the result of an imbalance between the people who benefit from shenanigans and the people who get screwed by shenanigans.
** [[Cory Doctorow|Cory Doctorow]], ''Petard: A Tale of Just Deserts'' (2014), reprinted in [[w:Rich Horton|Rich Horton]] (ed.), ''The Year’s Best Science Fiction & Fantasy 2015'' (p. 317)
==F==
* It’s no use crying over spilt evils. It’s better to mop them up [[Laughter|laughing]].
** [[Eleanor Farjeon]], ''Gypsy and Ginger'' (1920).
* Of what use to destroy the [[children]] of evil? It is evil itself we must destroy at the roots.
** [[Eleanor Farjeon]], ''Martin Pippin in the Apple Orchard'' (1922).
* Where two evils present, a wise administration, if there be room for an option, will choose the least.
** J. Foster, in ''Case of Pressing Mariners'' (1743), 18 How. St. Tr. 1330; reported in ''Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904) by James William Norton-Kyshe, p. 91.
* It’s a little hard for me to know that I am “disordered” or again to quote [[Pope Benedict XVI|Ratzinger]], “that i am guilty of a moral evil” simply by fulfilling my sexual destiny as I see it. It’s…it’s hard for me to be told, to be told that I’m evil, because I think of myself as someone who is filled with love, whose only purpose in life was to achieve love, and who feels love for so much of nature and the world and for everything else and who like anybody decent and with education realizes that in order, to achieve and receive love, it’s a struggle.
** [[Stephen Fry]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L1xvdZMC10 ''Intelligence Squared'' (2009)]
==G==
* There is not an evil which fails to bring benefit to some one.
** ''[http://www.sacred-texts.com/jud/tmm/tmm07.htm Tales and Maxims from the Midrash]'' by Rev. Samuel Rapaport, ''{{w|Genesis Rabbah}}'', (1907), p. 77
* I must say that anyone who moved through those years [<nowiki/>[[World War II]]] without understanding that man produces evil as a [[Bees|bee]] produces [[honey]] must have been blind or wrong in the head.
** [[William Golding]], "Fable", in ''The Hot Gates'' (1965), p. 87
* “Evil” is first and foremost a religious notion. It means whatever a religion dislikes.
** [[A. C. Grayling]], ''Life, Sex, and Ideas: The Good Life Without God'' (2002), {{ISBN|0-19-517755-X}}, Chapter 9, "Evil"
==H==
* When [[Muhammad|the Prophet]] saw injustice, either on the part of men or on the part of Providence, he did not inquire closely into its causes, nor bend the knee to necessity, and judge the evil-doers leniently; nor again did he give himself up to despair, or doubt the strength of Righteousness, or the possibility of its victory. He simply complained, pouring out his soul in words of fire; then went his way again, fighting for his ideal, and full of hope that in time—perhaps even "[[w:Jewish eschatology|at the end of time]]"—Righteousness would be lord over all the earth.
** [[Ahad Ha'am]], "Priest and Prophet" (1893) in ''Selected Essays'' (1904), p. 133.
* There surely is an inherent propensity to extract all the good out of Evil, in human nature, [that] one can.
** [[w:Benjamin Haydon|Benjamin Haydon]], diary entry (January 16, 1846), in ''The Diary of Benjamin Robert Haydon'', ed. Willard Bissell Pope (Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1963), Vol. 5, p. 511.
** Sometimes misquoted as "There surely is in human nature an inherent propensity to extract all the good out of all the evil."
* Every man knows there are evils in this world which need setting right. Every man has pretty definite ideas as what these evils are. But to most men one in particular stands out vividly. To some, in fact, this stands out with such startling vividness that they lose sight of other evils, or look upon them as the natural consequence of their own particular evil-in-chief.
** [[Henry Hazlitt]], ''Thinking As A Science'' (1916).
* It is an act of evil to accept the state of evil as either inevitable or final.
** [[Abraham Joshua Heschel]], ''The Prophets'' (1962), Volume 1, p. 181
* The man who does evil to another does evil to himself,<br>and the evil counsel is most evil for him who counsels it.
** [[Hesiod]], ''Works and Days'' (8th century BC), line 265, translated by Richard Lattimore.
* [[George W. Bush|George Bush]] made a mistake when he referred to the [[Saddam Hussein]] regime as "evil." Every [[Liberalism|liberal]] and [[Left-wing politics|leftist]] knows how to titter at such black-and-white moral absolutism. What the president should have done, in the unlikely event that he wanted the support of America's peace-mongers, was to describe a confrontation with Saddam as the "lesser evil." This is a term the Left can appreciate. Indeed, "lesser evil" is part of the essential tactical rhetoric of today's Left, and has been deployed to excuse or overlook the sins of liberal Democrats, from President [[Bill Clinton|Clinton]]'s bombing of [[Sudan]] to [[Madeleine Albright]]'s veto of an international rescue for [[Rwanda]] when she was U.S. ambassador to the [[United Nations]]. Among those longing for nuance, moral relativism — the willingness to use the term evil, when combined with a willingness to make accommodations with it — is the smart thing: so much more sophisticated than "cowboy" language.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], as quoted in ''Christopher Hitchens and His Critics : Terror, Iraq, and the Left'' (2008) edited by Thomas Cushman and Simon Cottee
* It is by its promise of a sense of power that evil often attracts the weak.
** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''The Passionate State of Mind'' (1955).
* Rabid [[suspicion]] has nothing in it of [[skepticism]]. The suspicious [[mind]] [[Belief|believes]] more than it [[Doubt|doubts]]. It believes in a formidable and ineradicable evil lurking in every person.
** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''The Passionate State Of Mind, and Other Aphorisms'' (1955), Section 184.
* At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human [[stupidity]], human [[malice]], and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols.
**[[Aldous Huxley]], Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow (1952).
==I==
* Cease to do evil. Learn to do right; seek [[justice]]. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.
** [[Isaiah]] 1:16 [[w:English Standard Version|ESV]]
==K==
*When we think of evil, we think of something violent or demonic, something filled with hatred and wretchedly hungry to devour the good. But what if evil eats a salad at lunch and is polite, speaking rationally with nice table manners?
** {{w|John Kass}}, [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/kass/ct-kass-planned-parenthood-met-0719-20150719-column.html "Evil with salad and a nice red"] (19 July 2015), ''Chicago Tribune'', Illinois.
*Evil works best, not as a growling beast crouching in the darkness, but in a rational, scientific voice. It is the way it's always worked, the way it worked years ago, the way it works now.
** {{w|John Kass}}, [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/kass/ct-kass-planned-parenthood-met-0719-20150719-column.html "Evil with salad and a nice red"] (19 July 2015), ''Chicago Tribune'', Illinois.
* Of two evils, the less is always to be chosen.
** [[Thomas à Kempis]], ''Imitation of Christ'', Book III, Chapter 12.
*Our ideas on Evil. Evil has no existence per se and is but the absence of good and exists but for him who is made its victim. It proceeds from two causes, and no more than good is it an independent cause in nature. Nature is destitute of goodness or malice; she follows only immutable laws when she either gives life and joy, or sends suffering and death, and destroys what she has created. Nature has an antidote for every poison and her laws a reward for every suffering. The butterfly devoured by a bird becomes that bird, and the little bird killed by an animal goes into a higher form. It is the blind law of necessity and the eternal fitness of things, and hence cannot be called Evil in Nature. The real evil proceeds from human intelligence and its origin rests entirely with reasoning man who dissociates himself from Nature. Humanity then alone is the true source of evil.<BR> Evil is the exaggeration of good, the progeny of human selfishness and greediness. Think profoundly and you will find that save death—which is no evil but a necessary law, and accidents which will always find their reward in a future life—the origin of every evil whether small or great is in human action, in man whose intelligence makes him the one free agent in Nature. It is not nature that creates diseases, but man... the chief cause of nearly two-thirds of the evils that pursue humanity ever since that cause became a power... is [[religion]] under whatever form and in whatever nation. It is the sacerdotal caste, the priesthood and the churches.
**[[w:Koot Hoomi|Koot Hoomi]], [[The Mahatma Letters to A. P. Sinnett|''The Mahatma Letters to A. P. Sinnett'']], Letter No. X, (1923)
* Fervid readiness to [[judge]] is the most detestable [[stupidity]], the most pernicious evil.
** [[Milan Kundera]], ''Testaments Betrayed'' (1995), p. 7.
==L==
*Man needs a certain moral sense of right and wrong. There is such a thing called evil, and it is not the result of being a victim of society. You are just an evil man, prone to do evil things, and you have to be stopped from doing them.
**[[Lee Kuan Yew]], as quoted in ''[https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bs-xpm-1994-04-12-1994102219-story.html A talk with the man who made Singapore]'' by {{w|Fareed Zakaria}}, 12 April 1994, ''{{w|The Baltimore Sun}}''
* There was an evil in Pandora's box<br>Beyond all other ones, yet it came forth<br>In guise so lovely, that men crowded round<br>And sought it as the dearest of all treasure.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''[[Ethel Churchill (or The Two Brides)]]'' (1837), Vol. I, Chapter 2
** Miss Landon, after listing its effects, concludes with 'The evil's name was Love'.
* He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done.
** [[Leonardo da Vinci]], ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=A7dUhbBfmzMC&pg=RA1-PA297&lpg=RA1-PA297&dq=%22he+who+does+not+punish+evil+commands+it+to+be+done%22&source=web&ots=dkbUjS3VWb&sig=3tExONadVMKpEu8Cll-COiXzsGA Notebooks]''.
==M==
* It is the evil that lies in ourselves that is ever least tolerant of the evil that lies in others.
** [[Maurice Maeterlinck]], ''Wisdom and Destiny'' (1898), translated by Alfred Sutro.
* Evil has nothing in common with [[life]]; it cannot create, since its [[power]] is purely negative. ''Evil is the schism of being; it is not true.''
** [[Joseph de Maistre]], ''[[Considerations on France]]'' (1796), Ch. IV
* He thought of the jungle, already regrowing around him to cover the scars they had created. He thought of the tiger, killing to eat. Was that evil? And ants? They killed. No, the jungle wasn't evil. It was indifferent. So, too, was the world. '''Evil, then, must be the negation of something man had added to the world. Ultimately, it was caring about something that made the world liable to evil. Caring. And then the caring gets torn asunder. Everybody dies, but not everybody cares.'''{{pbr}}It occurred to Mellas that he could create the possibility of good or evil through caring. He could nullify the indifferent world. But in so doing he opened himself up to the pain of watching it get blown away. His killing that day would not have been evil if the dead soldiers hadn't been loved by mothers, sisters, friends, wives. Mellas understood that in destroying the fabric that linked those people, he had participated in evil, but this evil had hurt him as well. '''He also understood that his participation in evil, was a result of being human. Being human was the best he could do. Without man there would be no evil. But there was also no good, nothing moral built over the world of fact. Humans were responsible for it all.''' He laughed at the cosmic joke, but he felt heartsick.
**[[Karl Marlantes]], ''[[w:Matterhorn: A Novel of the Vietnam War|Matterhorn: A Novel of the Vietnam War]]'', Ch. 19 (2010).
* The ultimate error is the refusal to look evil in the face.
** [[Rollo May]], ''Freedom and Destiny'' (1981), Ch. 12, § 3.
* EVIL. That which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
** [[H. L. Mencken]], ''A Book of Burlesques'' (1924), p. 203.
* The whole Christian system, like every other similar system, goes to pieces upon the problem of evil. Its most adept [[theologian]]s, attempting to reconcile the Heavenly Father of their theory with the dreadful agonies of man in His world, can only retreat behind [[John Chrysostom|Chrysostom]]'s despairing [[maxim]] that "a comprehended God is no God."
** H. L. Mencken, {{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=YMjdLA0eTAAC&pg=PA272 |page=272 |title=Treatise on the Gods | isbn=9780801885365 |date=2 October 2006 }} (1st edition 1930)
* EVIL!
** Mermaidman, [[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
* He that has light within his own cleer brest<br>May sit i'th center, and enjoy bright day,<br>But he that hides a dark soul, and foul thoughts<br>Benighted walks under the mid-day Sun;<br>Himself is his own dungeon.
** [[John Milton]], "A Mask Presented at Ludlow Castle, 1634," lines 380–84, republished in ''The Works of John Milton'' (1931), vol. 1, part 1, p. 99. The title was changed to "Comus" for the stage version in 1737.
==N==
* Because we have sought to cover up past evil, though it still persists, we have been powerless to check the new evil of today. <br> Evil unchecked grows, Evil tolerated poisons the whole system. And because we have tolerated our past and present evils, international affairs are poisoned and law and justice have disappeared from them.
** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], ''The Unity of India : Collected Writings, 1937-1940'' (1942), p. 280
* ''Wer mit Ungeheuern kämpft, mag zusehn, dass er nicht dabei zum Ungeheuer wird. Und wenn du lange in einen Abgrund blickst, blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein.''
** He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.
**[[Friedrich Nietzsche]], [[Beyond Good and Evil]], Aphorism 146
==P==
* ''Jamais on ne fait le mal si pleinement et si gaiement que quand on le fait par conscience.''
** Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it conscientiously.
** Variant: Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction (trans. W.F. Trotter)
** [[Blaise Pascal]], ''[[Pensées]]'' (1669) (# 894 or 895, depending on differing editions).
* Of two evils I have chosen the least.
** [[Matthew Prior]], "Imitation of Horace", a reference to ''E duobus malis, minimum eligendum'', [[Cicero]], ''De Officiis''; reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 92.
* I spent, I probably spent my whole life to understand what evil was, and more importantly, what can be done about it. It is strange pursuit in some ways for an academic, because academics talk about academic things. One thing you can say about evil is that whatever it is, it is not bloody well academic. It is not an intellectual issue, it is an existential issue. And, it is not an theoretical issue, it is an issue that deals with absolute nature of [[reality]]. And I guess sometimes I think that people would go in academia to shield themselves from having to ask questions about absolute nature of reality.
** [[Jordan Peterson]], Lecture "Tragedy vs Evil"
[[File:Elderly Man Reading Koran - Jameh Mosque - Yazd - Central Iran (7429252610).jpg|thumb|Is then he who has a [[clear]] [[argument]] from his [[Lord]] similar to him to whom his evil [[conduct]] is made fair-seeming; and they follow their low [[desires]]. ~ The [[Quran]] ]]
* We are fascinated by evil. We watch dramatic representations of serial killers, psychopaths, and the kings of organized crime, gang members, rapists, contract killers, and spies. We voluntarily frighten and disgust ourselves with thrillers and horror films—and it is more than prurient [[curiosity]].
** [[Jordan Peterson]], ''[[Beyond Order]]'' (2021), p. 358
==Q==
* It will not be in accordance with your vain desires nor the vain desires of the [[W:People of the book|People of the Book]]. Whoever does evil, will be requited for it and will not find for himself besides God a [[guardian]] nor a [[savior]].
** [[Quran]] 4:123
* And I do not acquit myself. Indeed, the [[soul]] is a [[persistent]] enjoiner of evil, except those upon which my Lord has mercy. Indeed, my [[Lord]] is [[Forgiving]] and [[Merciful]]."
** [[Quran]] 12:53
* The long run evil in the extreme will be the End of those who [[do]] evil; for that they rejected the [[Signs]] of [[God]], and held them up to [[ridicule]].
** [[Qur'an]] 30:10
* And whatever (evil) [[misfortune]] befalls you, it is on [[account]] of what your [[hands]] have wrought and He [[pardons]] much. And you cannot [[escape]] in the [[earth]], and besides God you have no [[protector]] nor [[helping|helper]].
**[[Quran]] 42:30-31
* Is then he who has a [[clear]] [[argument]] from his Lord similar to him to whom his evil [[conduct]] is made fair-seeming; and they follow their low [[desires]].
**[[Quran]] 47:14
==R==
* Responding to evil <br> A superior being does not render evil for evil, <br> this is the maxim one should observe; <br> the ornament of virtuous persons is their conduct. <br> (...) <br> A noble soul will ever exercise compassion <br> even towards those who enjoy injuring others.
** [[Ramayana]] 6.115, Valmiki (Abridged, Translator: Roderick Hindery)
*The spread of evil is the symptom of a vacuum. Whenever evil wins, it is only by default: by the moral failure of those who evade the fact that there can be no compromise on basic principles.
** [[Ayn Rand]], ''Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal'', (1966).
*...there is a perpetual struggle between manifested [[chaos]] and the unmanifested. It is the struggle of the Forces of Light with the dark forces. [[Christ]] Himself actively resisted evil... he drove the merchants from the Temple, and all his severe accusations against the scribes and [[Pharisees]]... If we try to read objectively the words... attributed to Christ, we shall see a Teaching which is severe in its mercy. Therefore, the words "resist not evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek turn to him the other also... If this law of [[Karma]], "an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth," is inevitable and exact [[justice]], it by no means follows that we ourselves, personally, should attempt to fulfil it in this way. If we do so, we shall never emerge from the magic circle of karma. Indeed, we must forgive our personal enemies, as who knows but that the blow one receives is a return blow, well-deserved under the law of Karma? By returning such a blow with another and with a feeling of revenge in our heart, we do not outlive this karma, but we continue and even intensify it in the worst way for ourselves. Moreover, by forgiving our enemies we decrease the amount of evil in space and become immune against many blows. Similarly, let us understand the words "Love thine enemies." However, with all this, we must resist evil, if we do not want to be entirely overwhelmed by it. (26 May 1934)
**[[Helena Roerich]], ''Letters of Helena Roerich Volume I: 1929-1935''
*Now let us imagine the situation of [[Moses]] if he had not resisted [[evil]] and had allowed the worst and crudest elements to destroy the best—the one which was able to assimilate the ideas of [[morality]] and [[order]]. What would have happened to his task? His duty as a leader and an earthly lawgiver was to protect his people and to maintain order. Therefore, the resistance to evil was basically necessary. All teachings of antiquity declare active resistance to evil. Thus, the well-known sage and lawgiver of China, [[Confucius]], used to say, "God for good, but for evil—justice."
**[[Helena Roerich]], ''Letters of Helena Roerich Volume I: 1929-1935'' (26 May 1934)
[[File:WellesShadow.jpg|thumb|Who knows what evil lurks in the [[hearts]] of [[men]]? The Shadow [[knows]]. ~ [[The Shadow]] ]]
[[File:Socrate du Louvre.jpg|thumb|False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil. ~ [[Socrates]]]]
==S==
* Evil is not a political or scientific category. But, after [[Auschwitz concentration camp|Auschwitz]], who could doubt that it exists, and that it manifested itself in the hate-driven [[genocide]] carried out by the [[Nazism|Nazi]] regime? However, noting this fact does not permit us to circumvent our responsibility by blaming everything on a demonic [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]. The evil manifested in the Nazi ideology was not without its precursors. There was a tradition behind the rise of this brutal ideology and the accompanying loss of moral inhibition. Above all, it needs to be said that the Nazi ideology was something that people supported at the time and that they took part in putting into effect.
**[[Gerhard Schröder]], [https://www.historyplace.com/speeches/schroeder.htm speech on the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz], January 25, 2005
*I happen to think that the singular [[evil]] of our time is [[prejudice]]. It is from this evil that all other evils [[grow]] and multiply. In almost everything I've written there is a thread of this: a man's seemingly palpable need to dislike someone other than himself.
** [[Rod Serling]] interview ''Los Angeles Times'' (1967){{fix cite<!-- issue? title? interviewer? -->}}
* Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows.
** [[The Shadow]], in Introductory words to the broadcast radio episodes of ''The Shadow'', as quoted in ''Radio's Golden Age : The Programs and the Personalities'' (1966) by Frank Buxton and Bill Owen; also in ''Orson Welles : A Biography'' (1985) by [[w:Barbara Leaming|Barbara Leaming]], p. 123.
* False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
** [[Socrates]], ''[[w:Phaedo|Phaedo]]'', 115e, [[Plato]]'s account of [[Socrates#Trial and death|Socrates' death]].
* The seeds of evil usually germinated in the footprints of people who knew how everybody else ought to behave and felt the need to tell them so.
** [[Charles Stross]], ''[[w:Iron Sunrise|Iron Sunrise]]'' (2004), Chapter 18
==T==
* I believe in evil. It is the property of all those who are [[Certainty|certain]] of [[truth]]. [[Despair]] and [[fanaticism]] are only differing manifestations of evil.
** [[Edward Teller]], as quoted in ''The Martians of Science : Five Physicists Who Changed the Twentieth Century'' (2006) by Istvan Hargittai, p. 251.
* Evil comes from unchecked power.
** [[Sheri S. Tepper]], ''[[w:Sheri S. Tepper|Sideshow]]'' (1992), <small> {{ISBN|0-553-56098-0}}, </small> p. 224
*God’s permission of evil in the things governed by Him is not inconsistent with the divine goodness. For, in the first place, the function of providence is not to destroy but to save the nature of the beings governed. The perfection of the universe requires the existence of some beings that are not subject to evil, and of other beings that can suffer the defect of evil in keeping with their nature. If evil were completely eliminated from things, they would not be governed by divine providence in accord with their nature; and this would be a greater defect than the particular defects eradicted.
:Secondly, the good of one cannot be realized without the suffering of evil by another. For instance, we find that the generation of one being does not take place without the corruption of another being, and that the nourishment of a lion is impossible without the destruction of some other animal, and that the patient endurance of the just involves persecution by the unjust. If evil were completely excluded from things, much good would be rendered impossible. Consequently it is the concern of divine providence, not to safeguard all beings from evil, but to see to it that the evil which arises is ordained to some good.
:Thirdly, good is rendered more estimable when compared with particular evils. For example, the brilliance of white is brought out more clearly when set off by the dinginess of black. And so, by permitting the existence of evil in the world, the divine goodness is more emphatically asserted in the good, just as is the divine wisdom when it forces evil to promote good.
:*[[Thomas Aquinas]], ''[[w:Compendium Theologiae (Aquinas)|Compendium Theologiae]]'', [https://isidore.co/aquinas/english/Compendium.htm#142 Ch. 142]
* (見ざる, 聞かざる, 言わざる?)
** "See not, hear not, speak not"
** "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil"
** Tōshō-gū shrine [[w:Three wise monkeys|Three wise monkeys]]
* There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root, and it may be that he who bestows the largest amount of time and money on the needy is doing the most by his mode of life to produce that misery which he strives in vain to relieve.
** [[Henry David Thoreau]], [[s:Walden/Chapter I|''Walden'' (1854), chapter 1]], p. 98.
* We don't want [[apartheid]] liberalized. We want it dismantled. You can't improve something that is intrinsically evil.
** Bishop [[Desmond Tutu]], speech, 1985. Quoted in ''Equality'', Volume 1, Issue 1, 1989.
==V==
* When the Devil is too busy, and [[wikipedia:Grim Reaper|Death's]] a bit too much, they call on me by name you see, for my special touch.
** [[w:Aurelio Voltaire|Voltaire]], in his song ''When you're Evil.''
==W==
* Between two evils, I generally like to pick the one I never tried before.
** [[Mae West]], ''Klondike Annie'' (1936) Sometimes quoted as: ''"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."'.
*By that which you call evil do you define yourself - and by that which you call good. The biggest evil would therefore be to declare nothing evil at all.
** Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversation with God: Book One'' (1996).
==Z==
* In the mirrors of the many judgments, my hands are the color of blood. I sometimes fancy myself an evil which exists to oppose other evils; and on that great Day of which the prophets speak but in which they do not truly believe, on the day the world is utterly cleansed of evil, then I too will go down into darkness, swallowing curses. Until then, I will not wash my hands nor let them hang useless.
** [[Roger Zelazny]], ''[[The Guns of Avalon]]'' (1972).
* The usual devastating put-downs imply that a person is basically bad, rather than that he is a person who sometimes does bad things. Obviously, there is a vast difference between a "bad" person and a person who does something bad. <br> Besides, '''failure is an event, it is not a person — yesterday ended last night.'''
** Variant: '''Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night.'''
** [[Zig Ziglar]], ''See You at the Top'' (2000)
=== ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' ===
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 239-41.</small>
* Evil events from evil causes spring.
** [[Aristophanes]]
* ''Souvent la peur d'un mal nous conduit dans un pire.''
** Often the fear of one evil leads us into a worse.
** [[Nicolas Boileau-Despréaux]], ''L'Art Poétique'' (1674), I. 64.
* From envy, hatred, and malice, and all uncharitableness.
** ''Book of Common Prayer'', ''Litany''.
* The world, the flesh, and the devil.
** ''Book of Common Prayer'', ''Litany''.
* I have wrought great use out of evil tools.
** [[Edward Bulwer-Lytton]], ''Richelieu'' (1839), Act III, scene 1, line 49.
* The authors of great evils know best how to remove them.
** [[Cato the Younger]]'s Advice to the Senate to put all power into Pompey's hands. [[Plutarch]], ''Life of Cato the Younger''.
* ''Como el hacer mal viene de natural cosecha, fácilmente se aprende el hacerle.''
** Inasmuch as ill-deeds spring up as a spontaneous crop, they are easy to learn.
** [[Miguel de Cervantes]], ''Coloquio de los Perros''.
* ''Ex malis eligere minima oportere.''
** Of evils one should choose the least.
** [[Cicero]], ''De Officiis'' (44 B.C.), Book III. 1. Same idea in Thomas á Kempis. Imit Christi. 312.
* ''Omne malum nascens facile opprimitur; inveteratum fit pleurumque robustius.''
** Every evil in the bud is easily crushed: as it grows older, it becomes stronger.
** [[Cicero]], ''Philippicæ'', V. 11.
* Touch not; taste not; handle not.
** Colossians, II. 21.
* ''Et tous maux sont pareils alors qu'ils sont extrêmes.''
** All evils are equal when they are extreme.
** [[Pierre Corneille]], ''Horace'', III. 4.
* ''Superbia, invidia ed avarizia sono<br>Le tre faville che hanno i cori accesi.''
** Three sparks—pride, envy, and avarice—have been kindled in all hearts.
** [[Dante Alighieri]], ''Inferno'', VI. 74.
* ''E duobus malis minimum eligendum.''
** Of two evils choose the least.
** [[Erasmus]], ''Adages''.
* ''Den Bösen sind sie los, die Bösen sind geblieben.''
** The Evil One has left, the evil ones remain.
** [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]], ''[[Goethe's Faust|Faust]]'', I. 6. 174.
* But evil is wrought by want of Thought,<br>As well as want of Heart!
** [[Thomas Hood]], ''The Lady's Dream'', Stanza 16.
* Of two<br>Evils we take the less.
** [[Richard Hooker]], ''Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity'', Book V, Chapter LXXXI.
* ''Quid nos dura refugimus<br>Ætas, quid intactum nefasti<br>Liquimus?''
** What has this unfeeling age of ours left untried, what wickedness has it shunned?
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', I. 35. 34.
* ''Magna inter molles concordia.''
** There is great unanimity among the dissolute.
** [[Juvenal]], ''Satires'' (early 2nd century), II, 47.
* ''Fere fit malum malo aptissimum.''
** Evil is fittest to consort with evil.
** [[Livy]], ''Annales'', I, 46.
* ''Notissimum quodque malum maxime tolerabile.''
** The best known evil is the most tolerable.
** [[Livy]], ''Annales'', XXIII, 3.
* Evil springs up, and flowers, and bears no seed,<br>And feeds the green earth with its swift decay,<br>Leaving it richer for the growth of truth.
** [[James Russell Lowell]], Prometheus, line 263.
* ''Solent occupationis spe vel impune quædam scelesta committi.''
** Wicked acts are accustomed to be done with impunity for the mere desire of occupation.
** [[Ammianus Marcellinus]], ''Historia'', XXX. 9.
* ''Que honni soit celui qui mal y pense.''
** [[Ménage]]. Ascribed to Tallemant in the Historiettes of Tallemant des Reaux, Volume I, p. 38. Second ed. Note in Third ed., corrects this. ''Honi soit qui mal y pense''. Evil to him who evil thinks. Motto of the Order of the Garter. Established by Edward III, April 23, 1349. See Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Essay on Chivalry''.
* ''Genus est mortis male vivere.''
** An evil life is a kind of death.
** [[Ovid]], ''Epistolæ Ex Ponto'', III. 4. 75.
* ''Mille mali species, mille salutis erunt.''
** There are a thousand forms of evil; there will be a thousand remedies.
** [[Ovid]], ''Remedia Amoris'', V. 26.
* ''Omnia perversas possunt corrumpere mentes''.
** All things can corrupt perverse minds.
** [[Ovid]], ''Tristium'', II. 301.
* ''Hoc sustinete, majus ne veniat malum.''
** Endure this evil lest a worse come upon you.
** [[Phaedrus]], ''Fables'', Book I. 2. 31.
* ''Pulchrum ornatum turpes mores pejus cœno collinunt.''
** Bad conduct soils the finest ornament more than filth.
** [[Plautus]], ''Mostellaria'', I. 3. 133.
* ''Male partum male disperit.''
** Ill gotten is ill spent.
** [[Plautus]], ''Pœnulus'', IV. 2. 22.
* ''E malis multis, malum, quod minimum est, id minimum est malum.''
** Out of many evils the evil which is least is the least of evils.
** [[Plautus]], ''Stichus'', Act I. 2.
* Timely advis'd, the coming evil shun:<br>Better not do the deed, than weep it done.
** [[Matthew Prior]], ''Henry and Emma'', line 308.
* Of two evils I have chose the least.
** [[Matthew Prior]], ''Imitation of Horace'', Book I, Epistle IX.
* ''Maledicus a malefico non distat nisi occasione.''
** An evil-speaker differs from an evil-doer only in the want of opportunity.
** [[Quintilian]], ''De Institutione Oratorio'', XII. 9. 9.
* Multitudes think they like to do evil; yet no man ever really enjoyed doing evil since God made the world.
** [[John Ruskin]], ''Stones of Venice'', Volume I, Chapter II.
* ''Al mondo mal non e senza rimedio.''
** here is no evil in the world without a remedy.
** [[Jacopo Sannazaro]], ''Ecloga Octava''.
* ''Das eben ist der Fluch der bösen That,<br>Das sie fortzeugend immer Böses muss gebären.''
** The very curse of an evil deed is that it must always continue to engender evil.
** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ''Piccolomini'', V. 1.
* ''Per scelera semper sceleribus certum est iter.''
** The way to wickedness is always through wickedness.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Agamemnon'', CXV.
* ''Si velis vitiis exui, longe a vitiorum exemplis recedendum est.''
** If thou wishest to get rid of thy evil propensities, thou must keep far from evil companions.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistolæ Ad Lucilium'', CIV.
* ''Solent suprema facere securos mala.''
** Desperate evils generally make men safe.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Œdipus'', CCCLXXXVI.
* ''Serum est cavendi tempus in mediis malis.''
** It is too late to be on our guard when we are in the midst of evils.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Thyestes'', CCCCLXXXVII.
* ''Magna pars vulgi levis<br>Odit scelus spectatque.''
** Most of the giddy rabble hate the evil deed they come to see.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Troades'', XI. 28.
* ''Mala mens, malus animus.''
** A bad heart, bad designs.
** [[Terence]], ''Andria'', I. 1. 137.
* ''Aliud ex alio malum.''
** '''One evil rises out of another.'''
** [[Terence]], ''Eunuchus'', V. 7. 17.
* But, by all thy nature's weakness,<br> Hidden faults and follies known,<br>Be thou, in rebuking evil,<br> Conscious of thine own.
** [[John Greenleaf Whittier]], ''What the Voice Said'', Stanza 15.
=== ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895) ===
<small>Quotes reported in [[Wikisource:Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert|Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert]], ''[https://openlibrary.org/books/OL23387290M/Dictionary_of_burning_words_of_brilliant_writers Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers]'' (1895).</small>
* '''Many have puzzled themselves about the origin of evil; I observe that there is evil, and that there is a way to escape it, and with this I begin and end.'''
** [[John Newton]], p. 213.
* '''Nothing is to be esteemed evil which [[God]] and [[nature]] have fixed with eternal sanction.'''
** [[Jeremy Taylor]], p. 213.
* The cardinal method with faults is to overgrow them and choke them out with virtues.
** [[John Bascom]], p. 213.
* '''Nothing can work me damage except myself. The harm that I sustain I carry about with me, and never am a real sufferer but by my own fault.'''
** [[St. Bernard]], p. 213.
=== Dialogue ===
[[File:TrueDetectiveLogo.jpg|thumb|World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door. ~ [[w:Nic Pizzolatto|Nic Pizzolatto]]]]
*'''Marty Hart''': Do you wonder ever if you're a bad man?
:'''Rust Cohle''': No. I don't wonder, Marty. World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.
:* [[w:Nic Pizzolatto|Nic Pizzolatto]], "[[w:Who Goes There (True Detective)|Who Goes There]]", ''[[True Detective]], (February 9, 2014)
== See also ==
* [[Good]]
* [[Good and evil]]
* [[Sin]]
* [[Vices]]
* [[Villain]]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|evil}}
[[Category:Ethics]]
[[Category:Vices]]
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[[File:A_pen_on_paper.jpg|thumb|The past is written, but the future is left for us to write. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Einstein 1921 by F Schmutzer - restoration.jpg|thumb|From its past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the future. ~ Jewish intellectuals in The New York Times]]
[[File:L'Image et le Pouvoir - Buste cuirassé de Marc Aurèle agé - 3.jpg|thumb|right|Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. ~ [[Marcus Aurelius Antoninus]] ]]
The '''[[wikt:future|future]]''' is the period of time after the present, or the events that will occur in that time.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha|''[[#Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' · [[#Misattributed|Misattributed]]}}
[[File:Past and Present Number Two.jpg|thumb|Once you realize you deserve a bright future, letting go of your dark past is the best choice you will ever make. ~ Roy T. Bennett]]
[[File:Jerome Bixby 5409.jpg|thumb|One man cannot summon the future. ~ [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]] ]]
[[File:Bundesarchiv B 145 Bild-F057884-0009, Willy Brandt.jpg|thumb|Those who adhere to the [[past]] won't be able to cope with the future. ~ [[Willy Brandt]] ]]
[[File:William Bell Scott - Albrecht Duerer on the Balcony of his House.jpeg|thumb|Nothing we do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. ~ [[Ashleigh Brilliant]] ]]
[[File:Robot Arm Over Earth with Sunburst - GPN-2000-001097.jpg|thumb|right|The future isn't written. It can be changed. You know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be. ~ Doc {{w|Emmett Brown}} (played by Christopher Lloyd) in [[w:Back to the Future Part III|Back to the Future Part III (1990)]] ]]
[[File:Edmund Burke statue by Matthew Bisanz.JPG|thumb|right|You can never plan the future by the past. ~ [[Edmund Burke]] ]]
[[File:Scarlet darter (Crocothemis erythraea) female Bulgaria.jpg|thumb|How we remember the past determines the shape of the future. ~ [[w:James Carroll (author)|James Carroll]] ]]
[[File:Sir Winston S Churchill.jpg|thumb|right|The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]]
[[File:Tunnels of Time.jpg|thumb|right|If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]]
[[File:The_Last_of_the_Spirits-John_Leech%2C_1843.jpg|thumb|200px|Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. '''Are these the shadows of the things that ''will be'', or are they shadows of things that ''may be'' only?''' ~ [[Charles Dickens]]]]
[[File:JUL Iris Soul Palm.png|thumb|right|Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you -- be futurewise. ~ [[Patrick Dixon]] ]]
[[File:Sunrise.PNG|thumb|right|Your task is not to foresee the future, but to enable it. ~ [[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]] ]]
[[File:Vittore carpaccio, scuola degli albanesi, presentazione della vergine al tempio 01.jpg|thumb|right|It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing. ~ [[Robert Frost]] ]]
[[File:RWHollywoodBowl1-cover.JPG|thumb|right|The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented. ~ [[Dennis Gabor]] ]]
[[File:Jardin du Musee Rodin Paris Le Penseur 20050402 (02).jpg|thumb|right|If you don't think about the future, you cannot have one. ~ [[John Galsworthy]] ]]
[[File:Graffito of Emma Goldman in Montreal, Canada.jpg|thumb|right|To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone. ~ [[Emma Goldman]] ]]
[[File:William Ford Gibson.jpg|thumb|The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed. ~ [[William Gibson]] ]]
[[File:Pegasus Lequesne Palais Garnier.jpg|thumb|right|The greatest danger to our future is apathy. ~ [[Jane Goodall]] ]]
[[File:Electricsheep-3052.jpg|thumb|right|The future is not what is coming at us, but what we are headed for. ~ [[w:Jean-Marie Guyau|Jean-Marie Guyau]] ]]
[[File:RAHeinlein autographing Midamericon ddb-371-14.jpg|thumb|right|A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future. ~ [[Robert A. Heinlein]] ]]
[[File:RepublicanWoman1936GTaro.jpg|thumb|right|Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. ~ [[Ernest Hemingway]] ]]
[[File:Burning oil lamp.jpg|thumb|right|I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past. ~ [[Patrick Henry]] ]]
[[File:Robot_Arm_Over_Earth_with_Sunburst_-_GPN-2000-001097.jpg|thumb|right|In a [[time]] of drastic [[change]] it is the [[Learning|learners]] who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a [[world]] that no longer exists. ~ [[Eric Hoffer]] ]]
[[File:John de Lancie Photo Op GalaxyCon Richmond 2019.jpg|thumb|right|Why? Why, to give you a taste of your future, a preview of things to come. ~ [[w:Maurice Hurley|Maurice Hurley]] ]]
[[File:Double-alaskan-rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|Time is always moving on; nothing can stop it. We can’t change the past, but we can shape the future. The more compassionate you are, the more you will find inner peace. ~ [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]] ]]
[[File:Ritratto di papa Giovanni Paolo II (1984 – edited).jpg|thumb|Remember the past with gratitude, live the present with enthusiasm and look forward to the future with confidence. ~ [[Pope John Paul II]] ]]
[[File:Bloody Sunday-Alabama police attack.jpeg|thumb|Those who appeal to you to hold on to the past do so at the cost of denying you your future. ~ [[Lyndon B. Johnson]] ]]
[[File:M51 whirlpool galaxy black hole.jpg|thumb|right|The best way to predict the future is to invent it. ~ [[Alan Kay]] ]]
[[File:Supernova&galaxia.png|thumb|right|The future is not laid out on a track. It is something that we can decide, and to the extent that we do not violate any known laws of the universe, we can probably make it work the way that we want to. ~ [[Alan Kay]] ]]
[[File:A mosaic LAW by Frederick Dielman, 1847-1935.JPG|thumb|Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance. ~ Thomas R. Kearns ]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy Senate Portrait.jpg|thumb|Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Reynolds Coliseum, 1953 Dixie Classic program page 05.jpg|thumb|My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]].]]
[[File:Cernunnos - by Jeroen van Valkenburg.PNG|thumb|right|We can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Berkeley glade afternoon.jpg|thumb|Knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:CampanileMtTamalpiasSunset-original.jpg|thumb|It is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Adam Bernaert - "Vanitas" Still Life - Walters 37682.jpg|thumb|We need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]].]]
[[File:Peace at the End of the Civil War.jpg|thumb|right|With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured. ~ [[Abraham Lincoln]] ]]
[[File:Soap bubble sky.jpg|thumb|right|The future exists only in imagination; and that is why, no matter how hard you try to imagine it, you will not be able to predict the future with total certainty. ~ [[Barry Long]] ]]
[[File:Kalamos.jpg|thumb|right|Look not mournfully into the Past; it comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present; it is thine.<br> Go forth to meet the shadowy Future without fear and with a manly heart. ~ [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] ]]
[[File:Ngc1999.jpg|thumb|right| The future is a world limited by ourselves. ~ [[Maurice Maeterlinck]] ]]
[[File:P112912PS-0444 - President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney in the Oval Office - crop.jpg|thumb|right|We have a choice. We can shape our future, or let events shape it for us. And if we want to succeed, we can't fall back on the stale debates and old divides that won't move us forward. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Barack Obama with his niece Savita in the Oval Office.jpg|thumb|right|Don’t shortchange the future, because of fear in the present. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Jackie Kennedy on Landmark Express, April 1978.jpg|thumb|right|If we don't care about our past we can't have very much hope for our future. ~ [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]]]]
[[File:Apollonian circles.svg|thumb|Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future. A person's life, their future, hinges on each of a thousand choices. Living is making choices. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Patrick Stewart signing autographs.jpg|thumb|Your past is my future and as far as I'm concerned, it hasn't been written yet. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Balanced Rock.jpg|thumb|I prefer to look on the future as something which is not written in stone. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Patrick Stewart Photo Call Logan Berlinale 2017 (cropped).jpg|thumb|May you all go boldly into a future freed from the shackles of the past. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Michael Lukas Leopold Willmann 001.jpg|thumb|right|We must discipline ourselves to convert dreams into plans, and plans into goals, and goals into those small daily activities that will lead us, one sure step at a time, toward a better future. ~ Jim Rohn ]]
[[File:City-of-the-future.jpg|thumb|right|We cannot procrastinate. The [[world]] of the future is in our making. [[Tomorrow]] is [[now]]. ~ [[Eleanor Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:Fire dancing in the water 20060623 TVR.jpg|thumb|right|The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~ [[Eleanor Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:Bust of Young Franklin Delano Roosevelt - FDR Presidential Library & Museum - Hyde Park - New York - USA (7078542053).jpg|thumb|To bring together the records of the past and to house them in buildings where they will be preserved for the use of men and women in the future, a Nation must believe in three things. It must believe in the past. It must believe in the future. It must, above all, believe in the capacity of its own people so to learn from the past that they can gain in judgment in creating their own future. ~ [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:1944 NormandyLST.jpg|thumb|right|The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith. ~ [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:US Capitol DC 2007 001.jpg|thumb|right|We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the [[present]]. ~ [[Adlai Stevenson]] ]]
[[File:SZA17 (13458177985).jpg|thumb|right|Is it so bad to pause the future to appreciate the past? ~ [[w:SZA|SZA]]]]
[[File:Electricsheep-18467.jpg|thumb|right|Stop haunting your past and try to drop in on the future. ~ [[w:Tabucchi|Antonio Tabucchi]] ]]
[[File:Freedom tree, St Helier - geograph.ci - 150.jpg|thumb|The future has taken root in the present. ~ [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]] ]]
[[File:Teslathinker.jpg |thumb|right|Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine. ~ [[Nikola Tesla]] ]]
[[File:Lightning simulator questacon05.jpg|thumb|right|Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. ~ [[Nikola Tesla]] ]]
[[File:LeonTrotsky1897.jpg|thumb|right|The highest human happiness is not the exploitation of the present but the preparation of the future. ~ [[Leon Trotsky]] ]]
[[File:120-cell-inner.gif|thumb|right|It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits of science that it equips the future for its duties. ~ [[Alfred North Whitehead]] ]]
[[File:The Autobiography of Malcolm X in the White House library.jpg|thumb|right|[[Education]] is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs only to the [[people]] who prepare for it today. ~ [[Malcolm X]] ]]
[[File:No Clear Future.jpg|thumb|right|Armed with the [[knowledge]] of our [[past]], we can with [[confidence]] charter a course for our future. We must forge the future with the past. ~ [[Malcolm X]] ]]
[[File:Apollonian circles.svg|thumb|Countless [[choices]] define our [[fate]]: each choice, each [[moment]], a ripple in the river of [[time]]. Enough ripples, and you [[change]] the tide... for the future is never truly set. ~ Prof. Charles Xavier/Professor X ]]
[[File:Astronomische Uhr Wells.JPG|thumb|right|The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory. ~ [[Howard Zinn]] ]]
<!-- alphabetical by author -->
==A==
* The future is mysterious. Now we’re seeing an entire generation lost to war. My hopes for the future are not personal; they’re for my people. My hopes are for peace, and only for peace.
** [[Hani Abbas]] [https://www.thedailybeast.com/hani-abbas-extends-the-vital-tradition-of-political-cartooning-in-the-mideast Interview] (2013)
* "Don't tell me about the future." said Ford. "I've been all over the future. Spend half my time there. It's the same as anywhere else. Anywhen else. Whatever. Just the same old stuff in faster cars and smellier air."
** Ford Prefect in ''Mostly Harmless'', novel by [[Douglas Adams]]
* Should not a true understanding of life promote care for the future along with the [[present]]? This is the immediate duty of every [[scientist]]. Until now scientists have dealt with life as finite — is it not now their mission to see life as extending into [[Infinity]]?
** [[Agni Yoga]], ''Agni Yoga'' (1929)
* The problem is that no one gives much of a shit about the future until it actually happens. In the fable of [[w:The Ant and the Grasshopper|the grasshopper and the ant]], human beings are the most frivolous breed of grasshopper that ever was.
** Nina Allan, ''The Common Tongue'' (2016), in [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]] (ed.) ''[[w:Jonathan Strahan|Drowned Worlds]]'' (e-book edition, {{ISBN|978-1-84997-930-6}})
* '''Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.'''
** [[Marcus Aurelius Antoninus]], ''Meditations'', Book VII, 8 (Penguin Classics edition of Meditations, translated by Maxwell Staniforth).
==B==
* The generation which will come into active thought expression at the end of this century... will inaugurate the framework, structure and fabric of the [[Age of Aquarius|New Age [of Aquarius]]], which will start with certain premises, which today are the dream of the more exalted dreamers, and which will develop the civilisatation... This coming age will be as predominantly the age of group interplay, group idealism, and group consciousness, as the Piscean Age has been one of personality unfoldment and emphasis, personality focus, and personality consciousness. Selfishness, as we now understand it, will gradually disappear, for the will of the individual will voluntarily be blended into the group will.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''The Rays & the Initiations'' (1960)
* The ancient symbol for the sign Aquarius (into which our Sun is now entering) is that of the Water-carrier, the man with a pitcher of water. This passing of the Sun into the sign Aquarius is an astronomical fact... not an astrological prognostication. The great spiritual achievement and evolutionary event of that age will be the communion and human relationships established among all peoples, enabling men everywhere to sit down together... and share the bread and wine (symbols of nourishment). Preparations for that shared feast (symbolically speaking) are on their way, and those preparations are being made by the masses of men themselves, as they fight and struggle and legislate for the economic sustenance of their nations, and as the theme of food occupies the attention of legislators everywhere. This sharing, beginning on the physical plane, will prove equally true of all human relations and this will be the great gift of the Aquarian Age to humanity.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''The Reappearance of the Christ'' (1947)
* Energies emanating from... Aquarius... will (through the effect of its potent force) stimulate... men into a new coherency, into a brotherhood of humanity which will ignore all racial and national differences and will carry the life of men forward into synthesis and unity. This means a tide of unifying life of such power that one cannot now vision it, but which—in a thousand years—will have welded all mankind into a perfect brotherhood.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''Treatise on W.M.'' (1934)
* The future, it seemed, was turning out to be one damn thing after another.
** [[Stephen Baxter]], ''[[w:Time (Baxter novel)|Time]]'' (1999), <small> {{ISBN|978-0-345-43076-2}}, </small> p. 299
* '''Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future.''' Do I ask Adrienne or Suzanne to the spring dance? Do I take my holiday on Corsica or on Risa? '''A person's life, their future, hinges on each of a thousand choices. Living is making choices.''' Now you ask me to believe that if I make a choice other than the one found in your history books, then your past will be irrevocably altered. Well, you know, Professor, perhaps I don't give a damn about your past, because '''your past is my future and as far as I'm concerned, it hasn't been written yet.'''
** "[[w:A Matter of Time (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|A Matter of Time]]" (30 September 1991) by [[w:Rick Berman|Rick Berman]].
** Spoken by [[Jean-Luc Picard]], in ''[[Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:A Matter of Time (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|A Matter of Time]]" (30 September 1991) by [[w:Rick Berman|Rick Berman]].
* There are two futures, the future of [[desire]] and the future of [[fate]], and man's reason has never learnt to separate them. Desire, the strongest thing in the world, is itself all future, and it is not for nothing that in all the religions the motive is always forwards to an endless futurity of bliss or annihilation. Now that religion gives place to science the paradisical future of the soul fades before the [[Utopia]]n future of the species, and still the future rules. But always there is, on the other side, [[destiny]], that which inevitably will happen, a future here concerned not as the other was with man and his desires, but blindly and inexorably with the whole universe of space and time. The [[Buddhism|Buddhist]] seeks to escape from the [[w:Saṃsāra|Wheel of Life and Death]], the [[Christianity|Christian]] passes through them in the faith of another world to come, the modern reformer, as unrealistic but less imaginative, demands his chosen future in this world of men.<br />Can we in any better way reconcile desire and fate?
** [[John Desmond Bernal]], ''The World, the Flesh and the Devil: an Enquiry into the Future of the Three Enemies of the Rational Soul'' (1929) Ch. 1 The Future, pp. 7-8.
* FUTURE, ''n.'' That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
** [[Ambrose Bierce]], [https://archive.org/details/cynicswordbook00bier/page/128/mode/2up ''The Cynic's Word Book''] (1906); republished as ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911).
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''If change is inevitable, predictable, beneficial, doesn't logic demand that you be a part of it?'''
* '''Mirror Spock''': '''One man cannot summon the future.'''
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''But one man can change the present.'''
** Star Trek: The Original Series episode ''[[w:Mirror, Mirror (Star Trek: The Original Series)|Mirror, Mirror]]'' (6 October 1967) by [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]]
* People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it. Better yet, build it. Predicting the future is much too easy, anyway. You look at the people around you, the street you stand on, the visible air you breathe, and predict more of the same. To hell with more. I want better.
** [[Ray Bradbury]], ''Beyond 1984: The People Machines''. (1979).
* ''Die Zukunft wird nicht gemeistert von denen, die am Vergangenen kleben.''
** '''Those who adhere to the past won't be able to cope with the future.'''
** [[Willy Brandt]], speech at the extraordinary convention of the Social Democratic Party of Germany on 18 November 1971, book source: "Reden und Interviews: Herbst 1971 bis Frühjahr 1973", Hoffmann und Campe, 1973, p. 25.
* '''Nothing we do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future.'''
** [[Ashleigh Brilliant]]. As quoted at goodreads.com. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240109195533/https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/340722-nothing-we-do-can-change-the-past-but-everything-we Archived] [https://archive.is/NEPAS from] [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/340722-nothing-we-do-can-change-the-past-but-everything-we the original] on January 9, 2024.
* Many religions speak of the End of Days. It refers not to the end of the world, but rather the end of our current age – Pisces, which began at the time of Christ’s birth, spanned two thousand years, and waned with the passing of the millennium. Now that we’ve passed into the Age of Aquarius, the End of Days has arrived.
** [[w:Dan Brown|Dan Brown]], in [[w:The Da Vinci Code|''The Da Vinci Code'']] (2003)
* We believe in trying to stick with [[business]]es ... where we think we can see the future reasonably well.
** [[Warren Buffett]], {{cite journal|title=1996 Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting Warren Buffett Charlie Munger FULL Q&A|date=June 28, 2018|journal=IDP, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YptOBQTb14}} (quote at 2:02:20 of 4:54:01)
* '''You can never plan the future by the past.'''
** [[Edmund Burke]], letter to a Member of the National Assembly (1791), Volume IV, p. 55. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 304-06.
* '''I come before you and assume the Presidency at a moment rich with promise. We live in a peaceful, prosperous time, but we can make it better.''' For a new breeze is blowing, and a world refreshed by freedom seems reborn; for in man's heart, if not in fact, the day of the dictator is over. The totalitarian era is passing, its old ideas blown away like leaves from an ancient, lifeless tree. '''A new breeze is blowing, and a nation refreshed by freedom stands ready to push on. There is new ground to be broken, and new action to be taken. There are times when the future seems thick as a fog; you sit and wait, hoping the mists will lift and reveal the right path. But this is a time when the future seems a door you can walk right through into a room called tomorrow.''' <br> Great nations of the world are moving toward democracy through the door to freedom. Men and women of the world move toward free markets through the door to prosperity. The people of the world agitate for free expression and free thought through the door to the moral and intellectual satisfactions that only liberty allows. <br> We know what works: Freedom works. We know what's right: Freedom is right. We know how to secure a more just and prosperous life for man on Earth: through free markets, free speech, free elections, and the exercise of free will unhampered by the state.
** [[George H. W. Bush]], Inaugural Address (1989), Washington, D. C. (20 January 1989) [http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/bush.htm Full text online at Yale University]
* '''I do not [[mistrust]] the future; I do not [[fear]] what is ahead. For our [[problems]] are large, but our [[heart]] is larger. Our [[challenges]] are great, but our [[will]] is [[greater]]. And if our flaws are [[endless]], [[God]]'s [[love]] is [[truly]] [[boundless]].<br>''' Some see leadership as high drama, and the sound of trumpets calling, and sometimes it is that. But I see history as a book with many pages, and each day we fill a page with acts of hopefulness and meaning. '''The new breeze blows, a page turns, the story unfolds. And so today a chapter begins, a small and stately story of unity, diversity, and generosity — shared, and written, together.'''
** [[George H. W. Bush]], Inaugural Address (1989), Washington, D. C. (20 January 1989) [http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/bush.htm Full text online at Yale University]
==C==
*'''[[w:Terminator (character)|The Terminator]]''': It must [[end]] here...or I am the future.
** [[James Cameron]], [[w:William Wisher|William Wisher]]; [[Terminator 2: Judgment Day]], 1991.
* The future will soon be a thing of the past.
** [[George Carlin]], ''Napalm and Silly Putty'' (2001), p. 260.
* '''How we remember the past determines the shape of the future.'''
** [[w:James Carroll (author)|James Carroll]] (March 22, 2005) "[https://archive.ph/PsbGv If Kennan had prevailed]". The Boston Globe. Archived from [http://archive.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2005/03/22/if_kennan_had_prevailed/ the original] on March 4, 2022.
* Future generations are unlikely to condone our lack of prudent concern for the integrity of the natural world that supports all [[life]].
** [[Rachel Carson]] Silent Spring (1962)
* Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ. Leave the Irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with Him.
** [[Oswald Chambers]], ''My Utmost for His Highest'' (1956). Section "December 31".
* '''The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], speech at Harvard University, September 6, 1943, in ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations''(1999), Knowles & Partington, p. 215.
* Of this I am quite sure, that '''if we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech in the House of Commons, June 18, 1940 [http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/commons/1940/jun/18/war-situation#column_52 "War Situation"].
* '''We must all turn our backs upon the horrors of the past. We must look to the future. We cannot afford to drag forward cross the years that are to come the hatreds and revenges which have sprung from the injuries of the past.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech at [[wikipedia:Zurich University|Zurich University]] (September 19, 1946) ([http://www.churchill-society-london.org.uk/astonish.html partial text]) ([http://www.peshawar.ch/varia/winston.htm]).
* I've seen the future, brother; it is murder.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''The Future''.
==D==
* Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. '''Are these the shadows of the things that ''will be'', or are they shadows of things that ''may be'' only?'''
** ''[[A Christmas Carol]]'' by [[Charles Dickens]] [https://books.google.com/books?id=4e49qoiif1UC&pg=PT54&dq=A+christmas+carol+are+these+the+visions+of+things&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CCsQ6AEwAmoVChMIw7qW57jvxgIVCKKACh1EagdD#v=onepage&q=A%20christmas%20carol%20are%20these%20the%20visions%20of%20things&f=false A Christmas Carol]
* '''Men will seem to see new destructions in the sky.''' The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. '''They will hear every kind of animals speak in human language. They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness.''' O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! '''You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.'''
** [[Leonardo da Vinci]], ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938), ''XX Humorous Writings'', as translated by Edward MacCurdy.
* The complement of the word ''useful'' is the word ''man'', but it is also the word ''future''. It is man insofar as he is, according to the formula of [[w:Francis Ponge|Ponge]], "the future of man." Indeed, cut off from his [[w:Transcendence (philosophy)|transcendence]], reduced to the {{w|facticity}} of his presence, an individual is nothing; it is by his project that he fulfills himself, by the end at which he aims that he justifies himself; thus, this justification is always to come. Only the future can take the present for its own and keep it alive by surpassing it. A choice will become possible in the light of the future, which is the meaning of tomorrow because the present appears as the facticity which must be transcended toward freedom.
** [[Simone de Beauvoir]], {{cite book |title={{w|The Ethics of Ambiguity}} |date=1948 |publisher=Philosophical Library |isbn=978-0-8065-0160-4}} [https://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/ambiguity/ch03.htm Part III: The Positive Aspect of Ambiguity]
* We cannot build the future on injustice.
** [[F. W. de Klerk]], [https://www.c-span.org/video/?124979-1/the-trek-beginning on ''The Washington Journal'' of C-SPAN] (11 June 1999)
* '''Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you -- be futurewise.'''
** [[Patrick Dixon]], Futurist and author, ''Futurewise'' 1998/2005.
*Whatever the future may have in store for us, one thing is certain... Human [[thought]] will never go backward. When a [[great]] [[truth]] once gets abroad in the [[world]], no [[power]] on [[earth]] can imprison it, or prescribe its limits, or suppress it. It is bound to go on till it becomes the [[thought]] of the world... Now that it has got fairly fixed in the minds of the few, it is bound to become fixed in the minds of the many, and be supported at last by a great cloud of witnesses, which no man can number and no power can withstand.
**[[Frederick Douglass]], [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=494 speech to the International Council of Women] (31 March 1888).
* The only thing we know about the future is that it is going to be different.
** [[Peter Drucker]], ''Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices'' (1973), Part 1, Chapter 4.
* We have known about the dangers we pose to ourselves for decades and yet we continue sleepwalking toward a grim future, somehow numb to what it will mean for our children and theirs. Almost every depiction of our world's future in popular culture is a dystopian vision of a planet piled high with garbage, a ruined wasteland. They are accurate reflections of the fear in our hearts. But if dreams are maps, could a great dream of our future possibly help us find our way out of this nightmare?
** [[Ann Druyan]] Cosmos: Possible Worlds (2020)
* If we could only just see our lives as links in the chain of life, and see as our first responsibility to get that next link in the chain safely to the future
** [[Ann Druyan]] [https://astronomy.com/news/2020/03/beyond-carl-sagans-cosmos-a-conversation-with-ann-druyan Interview] with Astronomy Magazine (2020)
* [[w:Lawrence Bragg|Lawrence Bragg]], a shrewd observer of the birth of [[quantum mechanics]], summed up the situation in a few words: "Everything in the future is a [[wave]] — everything in the [[past]] is a [[particle]]."
** [[Freeman Dyson]], {{cite web|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HjF4yvgOlo|title=Freeman Dyson posits "QM cannot be a complete description of nature" @ J.A. Wheeler's 90th birthday"|website=YouTube|date=6 March 2014}} (quote at 22:51 of 33:06)
==E==
*As it turns out, the future of the ocean, the creatures who live there, and our own future are inextricably linked.
**[[Sylvia Earle]] ''The World Is Blue: How Our Fate and the Ocean's Are One'' (2009)
*on balance, if I had to choose the most interesting and important time in all of human history to live, it would be now. As never before, and perhaps as never again, the choices made in the near future will determine mankind's success, or lack of it. These are the "good old days" sure to be envied by those in the future.
**[[Sylvia Earle]] ''Sea Change: A Message of the Oceans'' (1995)
* I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
** [[Albert Einstein]], Attributed in ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=Af84fBmzmVYC&pg=PA305&dq=Belgenland The Encarta Book of Quotations]'' to an interview on the ''Belgenland'' (December 1930), which was the ship on which he arrived in New York that month. According to ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2010), [http://books.google.com/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA18#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 18], the quote also appears as "Aphorism, 1945-1946" in the Einstein Archives 36-570. Calaprice speculates that "perhaps it was recalled later and inserted into the archives under the later date." According to a snippet on Google Books, the phrase '"I never think of the future," he said. "It comes soon enough."' appears in ''The Literary Digest: Volume 107'' on p. 29, in an article titled "We May Not 'Get' Relativity, But We Like Einstein" from [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=%22we+like+einstein%22#search_anchor 27 December 1930]. The [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=belgenland+%22I+never+think+of+the+future%22+%22it+comes+soon+enough%22#search_anchor snippet] also discusses the "welcome to Professor Einstein on the ''Belgenland''" in New York.
* '''Your task is not to foresee the future, but to enable it.'''
** [[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]], ''Citadelle'' or ''The Wisdom of the Sands'' (1948).
==F==
* '''It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing.'''
** [[Robert Frost]], "Escapist — Never'' (1962)
* It is one of our most exciting discoveries that local discovery leads to a complex of further discoveries. Corollary to this we find that we no sooner get a problem solved than we are overwhelmed with a multiplicity of additional problems in a most beautiful payoff of heretofore unknown, previously unrecognized, and as-yet unsolved problems.
** [[Buckminster Fuller]] ''Synergetics: Explorations in the Geometry of Thinking'' (1975).
====Buckminster Fuller, ''Critical Path'' (1981) ====
<small>[https://archive.org/details/LIBRORBuckminsterFullerCriticalPath (full text online)]</small>
* Neither the great political and financial power structures of the world, nor the specialization-blinded professionals, nor the population in general realize... that it is now highly feasible to take care of everybody on Earth at a higher standard of living than any have ever known.
* It no longer has to be you or me. Selfishness is unnecessary and henceforth unrationalizable as mandated by survival.
* War is obsolete. It could never have been done before. Only ten years ago... technology reached the point where it could be done. Since then the invisible technological-capability revolution has made it ever easier so to do.
* It is a matter of converting the high technology from weaponry to livingry. The essence of livingry is human-life advantaging and environment controlling. With the highest aeronautical and engineering facilities of the world redirected from weaponry to livingry production, all humanity would have the option of becoming enduringly successful.
* All previous revolutions have been political—in them the have-not majority has attempted revengefully to pull down the economically advantaged minority. If realized, this historically greatest design revolution will joyously elevate all humanity to unprecedented heights.
* All of humanity is in peril of extinction if each one of us does not dare, now and henceforth, always to tell only the truth, and all the truth, and to do so promptly — right now.
* Whether it is to be [[Utopia]] or [[Oblivion]] will be a touch-and-go relay race right up to the final moment. . . . Humanity is in ‘final exam’ as to whether or not it qualifies for continuance in Universe
==G==
* '''The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be [[invention|invented]].'''
** [[Dennis Gabor]], ''Inventing the Future'' (1963)
** Frequently paraphrased as:
*** We cannot predict the future, but we can invent it.
**** {{cite web |url=http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ |work=Quote Investigator |title=We Cannot Predict the Future, But We Can Invent It |date=September 27, 2012 |accessdate=2016-11-6}} [https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024. Cites:
***** 1963 March 28, ''New Scientist'', "Books: How to be dignified though useless, by Nigel Calder, [Review of “Inventing the future” by Dennis Gabor]", Page 712, Column 2, published by Reed Business Information: "[http://books.google.com/books?id=0ckYc8yUIKUC&q=%22predict+the%22#v=snippet& His basic approach is that we cannot predict the future, but we can invent it, hence his title.]"
** Variants:
*** '''The best way to predict the future is to invent it.'''
**** [[Alan Kay]] (1971) [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ at a 1971 meeting of PARC] ([https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024.); also Stanford Engineering, Volume 1, Number 1, Autumn 1989, pg 1-6
** Similar remarks are attributed to [[Peter Drucker]] and to [[w:Dandridge MacFarlan Cole|Dandridge M. Cole]] ([http://www.jerrypournelle.com/archives2/archives2mail/mail347.html], citation actually "[https://books.google.com/books?id=a2lZAAAAMAAJ&q=dandridge+cole+%22predict+the+future%22 We predict the future because we must in order to live.]")
* I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the [[present]]. [[God]] has given me no [[control]] over the moment following.
** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], in Anthony Parel Gandhi, Freedom, and Self-rule, Lexington Books, 1 January 2000, p. 59
* [[w:Marty McFly|Marty]], '''the future isn't written. It can be changed. You know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be.'''
** Doc {{w|Emmett Brown}}, (played by {{w|Christopher Lloyd}}, [[Back to the Future Part III]] (1990), screenplay by {{w|Bob Gale}}
* '''If you don't think about the future, you cannot have one.'''
** [[John Galsworthy]], ''Swan Song'' (1928), Part II, Chapter 6.
* '''The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed.'''
** [[William Gibson]], is reported to have first said this in an interview on ''Fresh Air'', NPR (31 August 1993) {[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1107153 unverified]}, he repeated it, prefacing it with "As I've said many times…" in [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1067220 "The Science in Science Fiction" on ''Talk of the Nation'', NPR (30 November 1999, Timecode 11:55)]. See also [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/01/24/future-has-arrived/ ''The future has arrived...'' - Quote Investigator].
* '''To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone.'''
** [[Emma Goldman]], ''My Disillusionment in Russia'' (1923), existing in manuscript as "My Two Years in Russia" this work was published as [http://www.ditext.com/goldman/russia/russia.html ''My Disillusionment with Russia''] (1923), and [http://www.panarchy.org/goldman/russia.1924.html ''My Further Disillusionment with Russia''] (1924) and finally as a complete one-volume edition (1925)
* '''We often refer to space as the final frontier. But the older I get, the more I come to believe that the true final frontier is time. In command, as in life, what we do in crisis often weighs upon us less heavily than what we wish we had done, what could have been. Time offers many opportunities, but it rarely offers second chances.''' And as steps forward go I would like to acknowledge your classmate the first fully Romulan cadet at Starfleet Academy: Elnor. '''May you all go boldly into a future freed from the shackles of the past.'''
** Spoken by [[Jean-Luc Picard]], in ''[[Star Trek: Picard]]'' episode "The Star Gazer" (March 3, 2022) by [[w:Akiva Goldsman|Akiva Goldsman]] and [[w:Terry Matalas|Terry Matalas]]
* The Great Western Disease is that we fixate on the future at the expense of enjoying the life we're living now.
** [[Marshall Goldsmith]] (2010), ''What Got You Here Won't Get You There.'' p. 81
* '''The greatest danger to our future is apathy.'''
** [[Jane Goodall]], "The Power of One", ''Time'' (August 26, 2002).
* As I traveled, talking about these issues, I met so many young people who had lost hope. Some were depressed; some were apathetic; some were angry and violent. And when I talked to them, they all more or less felt this way because we had compromised their future and the world of tomorrow was not going to sustain their great-grandchildren.
** [[Jane Goodall]] "Then & Now: Jane Goodall", ''CNN'' (June 19, 2005) [http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/07/cnn25.tan.goodall/index.html Then & Now: Jane Goodall]
* ''Le futur n'est pas ce qui vient vers nous, mais ce vers quoi nous allons''
** '''The future is not what is coming at us, but what we are headed for.'''
** [[w:Jean-Marie Guyau|Jean-Marie Guyau]] (Le Genèse de l'idée du temps), translation by [[User:Astragale|Astragale]].
* '''Time is always moving on; nothing can stop it. We can’t change the past, but we can shape the future. The more compassionate you are, the more you will find inner peace.'''
** [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]],Official twitter page of the Office of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. Tweet from 8. April 2019 11:30 am. [https://web.archive.org/web/20220310132910/https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/1115185155562336256 Archived] [https://archive.is/a7xzy from] [https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/1115185155562336256 the original] on March 10, 2022 and January 9, 2024.
==H==
* Even if some different theory is discovered in the future, I don’t think time travel will ever be possible. If it were, we would have been overrun by tourists from the future by now.
** [[Stephen Hawking]] [http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/2013/09/stephen-hawking-detained-in-russia-for-bible-smuggling/]
* '''A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future.'''
** [[Robert A. Heinlein]], ''[[w:Time Enough For Love|Time Enough for Love]]'' (1973).
* '''Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. It's been that way all this year. It's been that way so many times.''' All of [[war]] is that way.
** [[Ernest Hemingway]], ''[[w: For Whom the Bell Tolls|For Whom the Bell Tolls]]'' (1940).
* If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that ''we do not know enough to be pessimistic''.
** [[w:Hazel Henderson|Hazel Henderson]], ''The Politics of the Solar Age'' (1981). Quoted in ''The Beacon Book of Quotations by Women'' ed. Rosalie Maggio (1996).
* '''I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past.'''
** [[Patrick Henry]], ''[[w:Give me liberty, or give me death!|Give me liberty, or give me death!]]'' (1775)
* '''In a time of drastic [[change]] it is the learners who inherit the [[future]]. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a [[world]] that no longer exists.'''
** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''Reflections on the Human Condition'' (1973), Section 32 <!-- also quoted in ''On Becoming a Leader'' (1989) by Warren G. Bennis, p. 189 -->
* The way I see it is that '''there're two types of people: those who spend their lives trying to build a future, and those who spend their lives trying to rebuild the past.'''
** Dan Houser, Michael Unsworth, Rupert Humphries ''Max Payne 3''.
* '''Why? Why, to give you a taste of your future, a preview of things to come.'''
** Spoken by [[w:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] (played by [[w:John de Lancie|John de Lancie]]) in the ''[[Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:Q Who|Q Who]]" (8 May 1989) by [[w:Maurice Hurley|Maurice Hurley]]. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolX8swBJHc&t=47s Beginning] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolX8swBJHc First encounter with the Borg | Star Trek TNG]" (20.03.2021) by user "Riker's Beard".
==J==
* '''I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past, — so good night!'''
** [[Thomas Jefferson]], Letter to [[John Adams]] (1 August 1816).
* Today they speak of [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and anti-[[imperialism]], whereas until recently they openly preached the doctrine of the [[Fascist]] state. It is in its actions that the terrorist party betrays its real character; '''from its past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the future.'''
** ''Jewish intellectuals'' [https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1948/12/04/96605844.pdf Letters to The Times: New Palestine Party: Visit of Menachem Begin and Aim of Political Movement Discussed] (4 December 1948) ''The New York Times''
* At the beginning of the new millennium, and at the close of the Great Jubilee during which we celebrated the two thousandth anniversary of the birth of Jesus and a new stage of the Church's journey begins, our hearts ring out with the words of Jesus when one day, after speaking to the crowds from Simon's boat, he invited the Apostle to "put out into the deep" for a catch: "Duc in altum" (Lk 5:4). Peter and his first companions trusted Christ's words, and cast the nets. "When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish" (Lk 5:6). Duc in altum! These words ring out for us today, and they invite us to '''remember the past with gratitude''', to '''live the present with enthusiasm and''' to '''look forward to the future with confidence''': "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and for ever" (Heb 13:8).
** [[Pope John Paul II]], Apostolic Letter Novo Millenio Ineunte of His Holiness John Paul II to the Bishop Clergy and Lay Faithful at the close of the Great Jubilee of the Year 2000 (6 January 2001). [https://web.archive.org/web/20220416081838/https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html Archived] from [https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html the original] on April 16, 2022.
* The challenge of the next half century is whether we have the wisdom to use that wealth to enrich and elevate our national life, and to advance the quality of our American civilization….<br>The Great Society rests on abundance and liberty for all. It demands an end to poverty and racial injustice, to which we are totally committed in our time. But that is just the beginning.<br>The Great Society is a place where every child can find knowledge to enrich his mind and to enlarge his talents. It is a place where leisure is a welcome chance to build and reflect, not a feared cause of boredom and restlessness. It is a place where the city of man serves not only the needs of the body and the demands of commerce but the desire for beauty and the hunger for community.<br>It is a place where man can renew contact with nature. It is a place which honors creation for its own sake and for what it adds to the understanding of the race. It is a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods.<br>But most of all, the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], remarks at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor (May 22, 1964). ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1963–64'', book 1, p. 704.
* How many white children have gone uneducated, how many white families have lived in stark poverty, how many white lives have been scarred by fear, because we have wasted our energy and our substance to maintain the barriers of hatred and terror? So I say to all of you here, and to all in the Nation tonight, that '''those who appeal to you to hold on to the past do so at the cost of denying you your future.'''
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=26805&st=&st1=#axzz2foHNK9TC "Special Message to the Congress: The American Promise," March 15, 1965. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project.]
* It is sometimes difficult to avoid the impression that there is a sort of foreknowledge of the coming series of events.
** [[Carl Jung]] ''[[w:Synchronicity|Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle]]'' (1960) p. 94
==K==
* People have a hard time imagining a near future that is fundamentally different from and better than the present.
** William H. Katerberg, ''Future West: Utopia and Apocalypse in Frontier Science Fiction'' (2008), University Press of Kansas, {{ISBN|978-070061609-1}}, p. 186
* '''The best way to predict the future is to [[invention|invent]] it.'''
** [[Alan Kay]] (1971) [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ at a 1971 meeting of PARC]. [https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024.
** Similar remarks are attributed to [[Peter Drucker]] and [[w:Dandridge M. Cole|Dandridge M. Cole]].
** Cf. [[Dennis Gabor]], ''Inventing the Future'' (1963): "The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented."
***[[Nigel Calder]] reviewed Gabor's book and wrote, "we cannot predict the future, but we can invent it..."
* The future is not laid out on a track. It is something that we can decide, and to the extent that we do not violate any known laws of the universe, we can probably make it work the way that we want to.
** [[Alan Kay]] in 1984 in his paper ''Inventing the Future'' which appears in ''The AI Business: The Commercial Uses of Artificial Intelligence'', edited by Patrick Henry Winston and Karen Prendergast.. As quoted by Eugene Wallingford in a post entitled ''[http://www.cs.uni.edu/~wallingf/blog/archives/monthly/2004-11.html#e2004-11-06T21_03_42.htm ALAN KAY'S TALKS AT OOPSLA]'' on November 06, 2004 9:03 PM at the website of the Computer Science section of the University of Northern Iowa.
* The young inspire the middle-aged and old with courage, and they project our vision where it belongs, into the future.
** [[Melanie Kaye/Kantrowitz]] “Nine Suggestions For Radicals, or Lessons From the Gulf War” in The Issue is Power: Essays on Women, Jews, Violence and Resistance (1992)
* '''Here our interest is directed to the temporal dimension of legality, the way law stands in relation to the past, the present, and the future. Law in the modern era is, we believe, one of the most important of our society’s technologies for preserving memory. Just as the use of precedent to legitimate legal decisions fixes law in a particular relation to the past, memory may be attached, or attach itself, to law and be preserved in and through law. Where this is the case, it serves as one way of orienting ourselves to the future. As Drucilla Cornell puts it: “Legal interpretation demands that we remember the future.” In that phrase, Cornell reminds us that there are, in fact, two [[audiences]] for every legal act, the audience of the present and the audience of the future. Law materializes memory in documents, transcripts, written opinions; it reenacts the past, both intentionally and unconsciously, and it is one place where the present speaks to the future through acts of commemoration.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.12-13
* Because the litigated case creates a record, courts can become archives in which that record serves as the materialization of memory. Due process guarantees an opportunity to be heard by, and an opportunity to speak to, the future. It is the guarantee that legal institutions can be turned into museums of unnecessary, unjust, undeserved pain and death. The legal hearing provides lawyers and litigants an opportunity to write and record history by creating narratives of present injustices, and to insist on memory in the face of denial. By recording such history and constructing such narratives lawyers and litigants call on an imagined future to choose Justice over the “jurispathic” tendencies of the moment.
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.13
* '''Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. pp.13-14
* '''Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Remarks at [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Loyola College Alumni Banquet, Baltimore, Maryland (18 February 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library
* '''My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-civic-auditorium-seattle-wa Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project -->
* '''We are not here to curse the darkness, but to light the candle that can guide us through that darkness to a safe and sane future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]], delivered on 15 July 1960 to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]].
* There may be those who wish to hear more--more promises to this group or that--more harsh rhetoric about the men in the Kremlin--more assurances of a golden future, where taxes are always low and subsidies ever high. But my promises are in the platform you have adopted--our ends will not be won by rhetoric and '''we can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]], delivered on 15 July 1960 to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]].
* For if Freedom and Communism were to compete for man's allegiance in a world at peace, I would look to the future with ever increasing confidence.
** [[John F. Kennedy]], State of the Union address, January 30, 1961. ''The Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1961'', p. 23.
* But history may well remember this as a week for an act of lesser immediate impact, and that is '''the decision by the United States and the Soviet Union to seek concrete agreements on the joint exploration of space. Experience has taught us that an agreement to negotiate does not always mean a negotiated agreement. But should such a joint effort be realized, its significance could well be tremendous for us all. In terms of space science, our combined knowledge and efforts can benefit the people of all the nations: joint weather satellites to provide more ample warnings against destructive storms--joint communications systems to draw the world more closely together--and cooperation in space medicine research and space tracking operations to speed the day when man will go to the moon and beyond. But the scientific gains from such a joint effort would offer, I believe, less realized returns than the gains for world peace. For a cooperative Soviet-American effort in space science and exploration would emphasize the interests that must unite us, rather than those that always divide us. It offers us an area in which the stale and sterile dogmas of the cold war could be literally left a quarter of a million miles behind. And it would remind us on both sides that knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future--that knowledge transcends national antagonisms--that it speaks a universal language--that it is the possession not of a single class, or of a single nation or a single ideology, but of all mankind.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.
* I sometimes think that we are too much impressed by the clamor of daily events. The newspaper headlines and the television screens give us a short view. They so flood us with the stop-press details of daily stories that we lose sight of one of the great movements of history. Yet '''it is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.
* There are those who regard this history of past strife and exile as better forgotten. But, to use the phrase of [[William Butler Yeats|Yeats]], let us not casually reduce "that great past to a trouble of fools." For '''we need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland ([[28 June]] [[1963]])
* You know, you read about the future. You can't help that. I don't look upon the future. I am not a politician. '''I am not worried about the future at all. I don't like to run it down. I don't like to think of it being too dark because I expect to spend all the rest of my life there and I don't want to have a nasty end to it.'''
** [[Charles Kettering]], "Mr. Kettering's Talk", ''News and Views'', General Motors Acceptance Corporation, General Exchange Insurance Corporation, Motors Insurance Corporation, 1936, [https://books.google.com/books?id=G2hEAAAAIAAJ&dq=%22the+rest+of+my+life+there%22 p. 46]
** Variants:
*** I object to people running down the future. I am going to live all the rest of my life there, and I would like it to be a nice place, polished, bright, glistening, and glorious.
**** Quoted in ''Professional Amateur: The Biography of Charles Franklin Kettering'', by T. A. Boyd 1957, pp. 3–4 ([https://archive.org/stream/professionalamat013190mbp/professionalamat013190mbp_djvu.txt Internet Archive], [https://books.google.com/books?id=42Ohg0wKaWsC&pg=PA4&dq=%22I+object+to+people+running+down+the+future%22 Google Books])
*** My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
**** Common, since 1947; example: ''Instruments and Control Systems'', Volume 20, 1947, [https://books.google.com/books?id=gBonAAAAMAAJ&q=%22my+interest+is+in+the+future+because+i+am+going+to+spend+the+rest+of+my+life+there%22+kettering p. 374]
* '''But this long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.'''
** [[John Maynard Keynes]], ''A Tract on Monetary Reform'' (1923), chapter 3, p. 80.
* The future: a dark, desolate world. A world of war, suffering, loss on both sides. Mutants, and the humans who dared to help them, fighting an enemy we cannot defeat. '''Are we''' destined down this path, '''destined to destroy ourselves like so many species before us? Or can we evolve fast enough to change ourselves... change our fate? Is the future truly set?''' The past: a new and uncertain world. A world of endless possibilities and infinite outcomes. '''Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment, a moment in the ripple of time. Enough ripple, and you change the tide... for the future is never truly set.'''
** Prof. Charles Xavier/Professor X (played by Patrick Stewart, ''[[w:X-Men: Days of Future Past|X-Men: Days of Future Past]]'' (2014), screenplay by Simon Kinberg
==L==
* Every feeling that looks to the future elevates human nature; for life is never so low or so little as when it concentrates itself on the present. The miserable wants, the small desires, and the petty pleasures of daily existence have nothing in common with those mighty dreams which, looking forward for action and action's reward, redeem the earth over which they walk with steps like those of an angel, beneath which spring up glorious and immortal flowers. The imagination is man's noblest and most spiritual faculty ; and that ever dwells on the to-come.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]] ''Francesca Carrara'' (1834), Vol III, page 161
* Not to the present is our hour confined,<br>The great and shadowy future is assigned<br>To be the glorious empire of the mind.<br><br>The past was once the future, and it wrought<br>In the high presence of on-looking thought ;<br>All that we have, was by its efforts brought.<br><br>To-day creates to-morrow, and the tree<br>Of good or ill grows in past hours, what we<br>Make for the future — certain is to be.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''[[Ethel Churchill (or The Two Brides)]]'' (1838), Vol III. Chapter 8
* Two things make the future [[real]], the [[artist]]'s [[imagination]] and the [[worker]]'s [[hope]]. [[Fascism]] [[destroys]] both.
** [[John Langdon-Davies]], {{cite book |title=Authors Take Sides on the Spanish War |date=1937 |publisher=Left Review |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=qD0gAQAAMAAJ&q=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&dq=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&hl=es-419&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjK5Y_3h43qAhVOI7kGHf1GBVQQ6AEIJzAA}}. Quoted in {{cite book |last1=Buchanan |first1=Tom |title=Britain and the Spanish Civil War |date=1997 |publisher=Cambridge University Press |isbn=978-0-521-45569-5 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=eDlPTZNYXIUC&pg=PA32 |page=32}}
* '''With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured.'''
** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [[s:Abraham_Lincoln's_Second_Inaugural_Address|Second Inaugural Address (4 March 1865)]]
* Yet this corporate being, though so insubstantial to our senses, binds, in Burke's words, a man to his country with "ties which though light as air, are as strong as links of iron." That is why young men die in battle for their country's sake and why old men plant trees they will never sit under.
** [[Walter Lippmann]], ''Essays in the Public Philosophy'' (1955), chapter 3, part 2, p. 36. The quotation is from Edmund Burke's speech on "Conciliation with America" (1775).
* '''The more you observe life in relation to yourself the more you will see the fact that you are hardly ever correct when you think about something in the future. The future exists only in imagination; and that is why, no matter how hard you try to imagine it, you will not be able to predict the future with total certainty.'''
** [[Barry Long]], ''[http://koti.welho.com/walkusko/archive/other/bl.html Knowing Yourself: The True in the False]'' (Barry Long Books, 1996).
* '''Look not mournfully into the Past; it comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present; it is thine.<br> Go forth to meet the shadowy Future without fear and with a manly heart.'''
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Hyperion'' (1839).
* We are making the future as well as bonding to survive the enormous pressures of the present, and that is what it means to be a part of history.
** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}}
===''Some Glimpses of Occultism: Ancient and Modern'', [[C.W. Leadbeater]] (1903)===
:<small> ''[https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.128004 (full text online multiple formats) ]'' </small>
[[File:Charles Webster Leadbeater.014.jpg|thumb|There is a very real and imminent danger... which threatens us. The only thing that can prevent it is the diffusion of knowledge... nothing can ever be good for one which is against the interests of the whole. ~ [[Charles Webster Leadbeater]]]]
====Chapter XII, The Future of Humanity====
* The subject of the future that lies before humanity may obviously be treated in various ways; perhaps the simplest division which we can make is to speak first of the immediate future, then of the remoter future, then of the final goal. Both the immediate and the remoter future may be to some extent a matter of speculation, or perhaps we should rather say of calculation; but the final goal we know with absolute certainty, and that is the only thing which is really of importance. Still it is well that we should try to look forward a little, so that we who are units in this great mass of humanity may be able to take our part intelligently in the evolution which we see to be progressing all round us.
* The conditions of the near future must naturally develop from those which we see today; and I think that as we look about us, unless we are terribly prejudiced, we must admit that in spite of our boasted civilization there is very much which is highly unsatisfactory. p. 324
* Then the great question of government is also in an unsatisfactorv condition; for I think all will agree that there is no country in the world which is governed, as every country in the world ought to be, solely with regard to the interests and advancement of the people who are governed. On the contrary we find everywhere personal and party considerations, and matters are in such condition that even the wisest and the best of our statesmen cannot do many things which they wish to do, and find themselves forced into many actions of which in truth they do not approve. p. 326
* All of these difficulties arise from ignorance and selfishness. If men understood the plan of evolution, instead of working each for his own personal ends they would all join together as a community and work harmoniously for the good of all with mutual tolerance and forbearance. It is obvious that if this were done all of these evils would almost immediately cease or at any rate could very shortly be removed. p. 326
* Every day a greater number of people are beginning to understand to some extent and to strive towards a better and more rational condition of affairs. There are many societies and associations which have for their object the amelioration of the condition of humanity Some of them begin at one end and some at the other, each approaches it from his own point of view and with his own set of remedies, but at least they are striving towards that development of unselfishness which is the only true solution of all our difficulties.
* Our own [[Theosophical Society]]... is striving to help humanity It has no connection with any form of politics, and it is not trying to act directly in any way with regard to social conditions, its effort is rather to dispel ignorance, to put before men the truth about life and death, to show them why they are here and what lessons they have to learn and so to bring them to understand and to realize the great truth of the brotherhood of man.
* Never was there a greater need for the diffusion of [[knowledge]], for in the present ignorance of men there is a very real and imminent danger. We have in the immediate future the possibility of serious struggle; we have all the elements of a possible social upheaval, and we have no religion with sufficient hold upon the people to check what may develop into a wild and dangerous movement.
* As yet [[philosophy]] is the study of the very few only, and the science which has done so much for us, and has achieved so many triumphs, cannot stay the danger which threatens us. The only thing that can prevent it is the diffusion of knowledge, so that men shall understand what is really best for them and shall realize that nothing can ever be good for one which is against the interests of the whole. p. 333
* Our religious friends argue much about heaven and hell and are terribly afraid of the latter indeed it would sometimes almost seem as though they were afraid of the former as well, from the manner in which they exert themselves to avoid going there/ In the future no questions or disputes about these conditions will be possible, because man will see for himself that there is no hell, though he will also see very clearly that those who live an evil life are by that fact storing up for themselves very undesirable results and a very unpleasant time in the astral life. The glories of the heaven world will also be open to his sight, and he will realize that man needs only a development of faculty in order to place him at once, here and now, in the midst of all the bliss that that wondrous life can give.
* What a change will come over our conceptions of art and music also for the artist of that day there will be many more colors and many more shades of color than those of which we now know, for the knowledge of the higher planes brings as one of its earliest results the power of appreciating all these different hues. The music of that day will be accompanied by color, just as the color studies will be accompanied by harmonious sound; for sound and color are simply two aspects of every ordered motion, so that a magnificent piece played upon the organ will be accompanied by a splendid display of glowing color, and thus another interest will be added to the delight of glorious music, and an additional advantage will in this way be enjoyed by the students of music and art. p. 344
* A great change too will come over the power side of man’s development; the whole question of government and organization will stand upon a different basis. Men will see then vividly and clearly the effect upon the astral plane of many of their actions upon the physical, and thus much that is now done thoughtlessly will become an absolute impossibility There could be no possibility of the slaughter of animals for food, for example, if only men were able to see the results upon the astral plane which that slaughter produces. The crime which men call sport would be utterly abolished if they were able to see what it is that they are really doing. It needs so slight a development to change the whole face of this which we call civilization, and to change it very much for the better. p. 345
== M ==
* The future survives because people care. Live responsibly or die.
** [[Lisa Mason]], ''The Golden Nineties'' (1995), <small> ISBN 0-553-57307-1 </small> p. 168
* The first man—the Master—raised his goblet in a mocking toast. “To the future,” he said. “It’s on its way now, whether we’re prepared or not.”
** [[Seanan McGuire]], ''Down Among the Sticks and Bones,'' (2017, {{ISBN|978-0-76539-2-039}}), p. 81
* Dynamic systems studies usually are not designed to ''predict'' what will happen. Rather, they're designed to explore ''what would happen'', if a number of driving factors unfold in a range of different ways.
** [[Donella Meadows]], ''[[Donella Meadows#Thinking in Systems: A Primer (2008)|Thinking in Systems: A Primer]]'', Chelsea Green Publishing, 2008, page 46 (ISBN 9781603580557).
* The future's uncertain and the end is always near ...
** [[Jim Morrison]], lead singer and lyricist of [[w:The Doors|The Doors]], "[[w:Roadhouse Blues|Roadhouse Blues]], on the album ''[[w:Morrison Hotel|Morrison Hotel]]'' (1970)
* People have always had this craving to know the future. You know, the king used to hire the [[magician]] or the forecaster and he'd look in sheep guts, or something, for an answer as to handle the next war. And so there has always been a [[market]] for people who purported to know the future based on their expertise. And there's a lot of that still going on — it's just as crazy as when the king was hiring the forecaster who looked at the sheep guts. And people have an economic incentive to sell some nostrum — it can be sold over and over again.
** [[Charlie Munger]], {{cite journal|title=Warren Buffett: 2004 Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting Part 1|date=August 2, 2018|journal=Hioim, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cayxcPyQoAc}} (quote at 1:47:18 of 2:33:25)
== N ==
[[File:Jawaharlal Nehru signing Indian Constitution.jpg|thumb|right|The past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now. ~ [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] ]]
* If someone who knew the future, pointed out a child to you and told you that that child would grow up totally evil, to be a ruthless dictator who would destroy millions of lives... could you then kill that child?
** [[Fourth Doctor]], [[Doctor Who]], "Genesis of the Daleks" written by Terry Nation
* "The future," as [[George Soros]], the financier and philanthropist once observed, "is not only unknown: it is unknowable." Given that, it seemed like a good idea to take [[Neil Postman]]’s [[Neil_Postman#Amusing_Ourselves_to_Death:_Public_Discourse_in_the_Age_of_Show_Business_(1985)|two extremes]] to see how our networked future might unfold. Which kind of future—the [[Orwell]]ian or the [[Aldous Huxley|Huxley]]ean—seems more plausible? Postman thought that the two were mutually exclusive: humanity might have one or the other. But an even [[w:gloom|gloomier]] conclusion is that we might wind up with both.
** [[w:John Naughton|John Naughton]] in: ''From Gutenberg to Zuckerberg: Disruptive Innovation in the Age of the Internet'', Quercus, 2014, Chapter 9, page 231 (ISBN 9781623650629)
* The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. '''Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future?''' [...] Nevertheless '''the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now.'''
** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], [[w:Tryst with Destiny|Tryst with Destiny]] speech (August 14, 1947)
==O==
* Our immediate task, however, is the critical work of confronting [[w:2008–2012 global recession|the economic crisis]]. As I've said, we've passed through an era of profound irresponsibility; now we cannot afford half-measures, and we cannot go back to the kind of risk-taking that leads to bubbles that inevitably bust. So '''we have a choice. We can shape our future, or let events shape it for us. And if we want to succeed, we can't fall back on the stale debates and old divides that won't move us forward.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=85953&st=&st1= Barack Obama: "The President's News Conference With Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom in London, England," April 1, 2009. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project].
* '''Don’t shortchange the future, because of fear in the present.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=85953&st=&st1= Barack Obama: "The President's News Conference With Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom in London, England," April 1, 2009. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project].
* '''We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], In a speech to joint session of Congress, (September. 9, 2009).
* '''If we don’t care about our past we can’t have very much hope for our future.'''
** [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]], press conference held at the [[w:Grand Central Terminal|Grand Central Terminal]]’s famous [[w:Grand Central Oyster Bar & Restaurant|Oyster Bar]] in 1975 in [[New York City]]. Source: Angela Serratore (June 26, 2018 ): ''History: The Preservation Battle of Grand Central''. In: Smithsonian Magazine. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240109190220/https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/preservation-battle-grand-central-180969446/ Archived] [https://archive.is/zvtoR from] [https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/preservation-battle-grand-central-180969446/ the original] on January 9, 2023.
* Can omniscient God, who<br>Knows the future, find<br>The Omnipotence to<br> Change His future mind?
**[[w:Karen Owens|Karen Owens]] in: ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=yq1xDpicghkC&pg=PA101 The God Delusion]'', Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Jan 16, 2008, p. 101.
==P==
* '''The past and future are veiled; but the past wears the widow's veil; the future, the virgin's.'''
** [[Jean Paul]], as quoted in ''Treasury of Thought'' (1872) by Maturin M. Ballou, p. 521.
* '''I prefer to look on the [[future]] as something which is not written in stone.''' A lot of things can happen in 25 years.
** [[Jean-Luc Picard]] (played by [[Patrick Stewart]] in the ''[[w:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]" (23 May 1994) by [[w:Brannon Braga|Brannon Braga]] and [[w:Ronald D. Moore|Ronald D. Moore]]
* '''The past is written, but the future is left for us to write, and we have powerful tools''', Rios''': openness, optimism, and the spirit of curiosity. All they have is secrecy, and fear, and fear is the great destroyer''', Rios'''.'''
** [[Jean-Luc Picard]] (played by [[Patrick Stewart]] in the ''[[w:Star Trek: Picard|Star Trek: Picard]]'' episode Broken Pieces (March 12, 2020) written by [[w:Michael Chabon|Michael Chabon]]
*It is by imagining what we truly desire that we begin to go there. That is the kind of thinking about the future that seems to me most fruitful, most rewarding. I want a future in which women are not punished for having women's bodies, are not punished for desire or the lack of it, are viewed as independent protagonists in their own adventures-spiritual, intellectual, romantic, sexual, and creative adventures. That's one reason I read and write [[speculative fiction]].
**[[Marge Piercy]] "WHY SPECULATE ON THE FUTURE?" in ''My Life, My Body'' (2015)
* Whenever the rate of return on capital is significantly and durably higher than the growth rate of the economy, it is all but inevitable that inheritance (of fortunes accumulated in the past) predominates over saving (wealth accumulated in the present). ... The inequality r > g in one sense implies that the past tends to devour the future: wealth originating in the past automatically grows more rapidly, even without labor, than wealth stemming from work, which can be saved. Almost inevitably, this tends to give lasting disproportionate importance to inequalities created in the past, and therefore to inheritance.
** [[Thomas Piketty]], ''[[w:Capital in the Twenty-First Century|Capital in the Twenty-First Century]]'' (2013), p. 377.
* We have no right to assume that any physical laws exist, or if they have existed up until now, that they will continue to exist in a similar manner in the future.
** [[Max Planck]], ''The Universe in the Light of Modern Physics'' (1931).
* {{smallcaps|There’s no better present than a future.}}
** [[Terry Pratchett]], ''[[w:Hogfather|Hogfather]]'' (1996), p. 168 <small>({{ISBN|978-0-06-105905-6}})</small>
==Q==
* The future is much like the present, only longer.
** {{w|Dan Quisenberry}}, as quoted by Stephen Lilley, ''Transhumanism and Society : the Social Debate over Human Enhancement'' (2013) p. 24.
==R==
* '''We must discipline ourselves to convert dreams into plans, and plans into goals, and goals into those small daily activities that will lead us, one sure step at a time, toward a better future.'''
**Jim Rohn, ''Five Major Pieces To the Life Puzzle'' (1991).
* '''We face the future fortified with the lessons we have learned from the past. It is today that we must create the world of the future.''' [[Spinoza]], I think, pointed out that we ourselves can make experience valuable when, by imagination and reason, we turn it into foresight.
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], ''Tomorrow Is Now'' (1963), p. xv
* What we must learn to do is to create unbreakable bonds between the sciences and the humanities. '''We cannot procrastinate. The world of the future is in our making. Tomorrow is now.'''
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], ''Tomorrow Is Now'' (1963), p. 134
* '''The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.'''
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], as quoted in Leonard C. Schlup and Donald W. Whisenhunt, ''It Seems to Me: Selected Letters of Eleanor Roosevelt'' (2001), p. 2.
* '''To bring together the records of the past and to house them in buildings where they will be preserved for the use of men and women in the future, a Nation must believe in three things. It must believe in the past. It must believe in the future. It must, above all, believe in the capacity of its own people so to learn from the past that they can gain in judgment in creating their own future.'''
** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], Remarks at the Dedication of the Franklin D. Roosevelt Library at Hyde Park, New York, United States of America (June 30, 1941). [https://web.archive.org/web/20120531110501/http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/php63041.html Archived] from [http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/php63041.html the original] on January 30, 2021.
* '''The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.'''
** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]]. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1944–45'' (1950), p. 616, which states: "This is the latest draft of the President's proposed speech [for Jefferson Day, April 13, 1945]. The last sentence [quoted above] was written into the typed draft in his own hand. The draft was not the final one; the preparation of the final draft was prevented by death."
* Having granted the excellence of these maxims, I come to certain points in which I do not believe that one can grant either the superlative wisdom or the superlative goodness of Christ as depicted in the Gospels... there one does find some things that do not seem to be very wise. For one thing, he certainly thought that His second coming would occur in clouds of glory before the death of all the people who were living at that time. There are a great many texts that prove that. He says, for instance, "Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel till the Son of Man be come." Then he says, "There are some standing here which shall not taste death till the Son of Man comes into His kingdom"; and there are a lot of places where '''it is quite clear that He believed that His second coming would happen during the lifetime of many then living.''' That was the belief of His earlier followers, and it was the basis of a good deal of His moral teaching. When He said, "Take no thought for the morrow," and things of that sort, it was very largely because He thought that the second coming was going to be very soon, and that all ordinary mundane affairs did not count. I have, as a matter of fact, known some Christians who did believe that the second coming was imminent. I knew a parson who frightened his congregation terribly by telling them that the second coming was very imminent indeed, but they were much consoled when they found that he was planting trees in his garden. The early Christians did really believe it, and they did abstain from such things as planting trees in their gardens, because they did accept from Christ the belief that the second coming was imminent. '''In that respect, clearly He was not so wise as some other people have been, and He was certainly not superlatively wise.'''
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Why I am not a Christian'' (1927), "Defects in Christ's Teaching".
==S==
* '''I am interested in a phase that I think we are entering. I call it "[[teleological]] evolution," evolution with a purpose.''' The idea of evolution by design, designing the future, anticipating the future. I think of the need for more [[wisdom]] in the world, to deal with the knowledge that we have. '''At one time we had [[wisdom]], but little knowledge. Now we have a great deal of knowledge, but do we have enough wisdom to deal with that knowledge?'''
** [[Jonas Salk]], in [http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/printmember/sal0int-1 Academy of Achievement interview, in San Diego, California (16 May 1991)]
* If you can look into the seeds of time, <br /> And say which grain will grow and which will not; <br /> Speak then to me.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'', Act I, Sc. 3, L. 58.
* To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]''.
* From now on, everything in life will appear blurry to me. What’s the point of wiping my glasses when my vision has already left me?
** [[Sanu Sharma]], ''Pari''
* The possible future is not just longer than the past. It is ''unimaginably'' longer.
** [[Charles Sheffield]], ''Something for Nothing'' in ''[[w:Charles Sheffield|Dancing with Myself]]'' (1993), <small> {{ISBN|0-671-72185-2}}, </small> p. 363
* "So you've been over into Russia?" said Bernard Baruch, and I answered very literally, "I have been over into the future and it works."
** [[Lincoln Steffens]], ''The Autobiography of Lincoln Steffens'' (1931, reprinted 1958), vol. 2, chapter 18, p. 799. Steffens had made his second trip to Russia in 1919, as part of a mission sent by President Woodrow Wilson.
* With the way the world’s going a nuclear Iran is going to be the least of our problems in 10 or 15 years. Iranian nukes will be a break from swimming through our climate-change flooded cities fighting ebola zombies with our teeth because we can’t hold guns thanks to our iPhone-shaped hand tumors.
** [[Jon Stewart]] ''The Daily Show'' July 21st 2015
* '''We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the [[present]].'''
** [[Adlai Stevenson]], Speech, Richmond, Virginia (20 September 1952).
*....another vision, where water still curled on the sandy beach beneath a clear blue sky where birds flew, but their patterns were mathematics precise beyond his comprehension. A man walked between buildings that were perfect, and empty. He turned to look at Rudi for an instant and where his eyes should have been were silvery tendrils that waved and sought.
**[[S. M. Stirling]], ''[[w:The Sword of the Lady|The Sword of the Lady]]''
* '''Is it so bad to pause the future to appreciate the past?''' </br> [...] </br> Is it so bad to shut the door and just accept we can't go back?
** [[w:SZA|SZA]], [[w:Save the Day (SZA song)|Save the Day]] (February 20, 2026), from the album ''[[w:Hoppers_(film)#Music|Hoppers (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack]])''
==T==
* ...'''stop haunting your past and try to drop in on the future.'''
** [[w:Tabucchi|Antonio Tabucchi]]. ''Pereira Maintains'', p. 146.
* This is really odd that [[economists]] are expected to [[predict]] the future, because no on expect other people in other [[disciplines]] to predict the future. Nobody says to the biologists: What is the next stage in [[evolution]]? If you can't expect the next stage in evolution... well I guess [[biology]] just isn't a [[science]] and, that no one should [[listen]] to you. Nobody says to the [[political scientist]]: Well... you know, who is going to win the next [[election]]? If you can't tell me now, then I guess, you know, political science does not mean anything. But somehow economics takes this burden, that people in economics are supposed to be able to forecast the future.
** Timothy Taylor, in ''Economics, 3rd Edition (The Great Courses)'' (2008), Chapter 1: "How Economists Think."
* '''The future has taken root in the present.'''
** Kryptonian spaceship, [[Zack Snyder's Justice League]] (2021), Written by [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]]. As quoted in: Adam Chitwood (May 28, 2023): Cyborg’s Vision in ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’ Showed Us What Could've Been in the DCU. In: [[w:Collider (website)|collider.com]]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20231210114815/https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ Archived] [https://archive.is/NtTxw from] [https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ the original] on December 12, 2023. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo&t=4m15s The end] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo Superman Resurrection | Zack Snyder's Justice League [4k, HDR]]" (28.10.2021) by user "Flashback FM".
* '''Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine'''.
** [[Nikola Tesla]], On patent controversies regarding the [[w:Invention of radio|invention of Radio]] and other things, as quoted in "A Visit to Nikola Tesla" by Dragislav L. Petković in ''Politika'' (April 1927);<!-- Perhaps from an interview in January 1927 --> as quoted in ''Tesla, Master of Lightning'' (1999) by Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, p. 73 <!-- Barnes & Noble Publishing --> <small> {{ISBN|0760710058}} </small> ; also in ''Tesla: Man Out of Time'' (2001) by Margaret Cheney, p. 230 <!-- Simon and Schuster --><small> {{ISBN|0743215362}} </small>.
* I have obtained... spark discharges extending through more than one hundred feet and carrying currents of one thousand amperes, electromotive forces approximating twenty million volts, chemically active streamers covering areas of several thousand square feet, and electrical disturbances in the natural media ''surpassing'' those caused by lightning, in intensity.<br> '''Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. With the opening of the first power plant, incredulity will give way to wonderment, and this to ingratitude, as ever before.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], [http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1905-01-07.htm "The Transmission of Electrical Energy Without Wires as a Means for Furthering Peace"] in Electrical World and Engineer (7 January 1905) .<!-- pp. 21–24 -->
* '''The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up. His work is like that of the planter — for the future. His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way. He lives and labors and hopes.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], "Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World" in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934).
* '''The future is too interesting and [[dangerous]] to be [[entrusted]] to any predictable, reliable agency.''' We [[need]] all the fallibility we can get. Most of all, we need to preserve the [[absolute]] unpredictability and total improbability of our [[connected]] [[minds]]. That way we can keep open all the [[options]], as we have in the [[past]].
** [[Lewis Thomas]], ''[[Lewis Thomas#The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (1974)|The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher]]'', "Computers, p. 113 (1974)
* Man remains in the end what he started as in the beginning: a biosystem with a limited capacity for change. When this capacity is overwhelmed, the consequence is future shock.
** [[Alvin Toffler]], ''Future Shock'' (1970), Chapter 15.
[[File:Rembrandt - A Scholar in his Study - NG.M.01365.jpg|thumb|A state of consciousness totally free of all negativity ... is the liberated state to which all spiritual teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and now. ~ [[Eckhart Tolle]]]]
[[File:Van Gogh 10.jpg|thumb|To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the [[Now|present moment]] and allow it to be. ~ [[Eckhart Tolle]]]]
* '''What we now want most is closer contact and better [[understanding]] between [[individuals]] and [[communities]] all over the [[earth]] and the elimination of that fanatic devotion to exalted ideals of [[national]] [[egoism]] and [[pride]], which is always prone to plunge the world into primeval barbarism and strife.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], in ''[[w:My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla|My Inventions]]'' (1919)
* '''Hope keeps you focused on the future, and this continued focus perpetuates your denial of the [[Now]] and therefore your unhappiness.'''
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* A state of [[consciousness]] totally free of all negativity ... is the liberated state to which all [[spiritual]] teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and [[now]].
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* Whereas before you dwelt in time and paid brief visits to the [[Now]], have your dwelling place in the Now and pay brief visits to past and future.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* The moment your attention turns to the Now, you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fulfillment and satisfaction - you don’t look to it for salvation.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''The Power of Now'' (1997)
* Awakening as a future event has no meaning because awakening is the realization of Presence. So the new heaven, the awakened consciousness, is not a future state to be achieved. A new heaven and a new earth are arising within you at this moment, and if they are not arising at this moment, they are no more than a thought in your head and therefore not arising at all.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose,'' (2005)
* Be it even over our bleaching bones the truth will triumph! We will blaze the trail for it. It will conquer! Under all the severe blows of fate, I shall be happy as in the best days of my youth! Because, my friends, '''the highest human happiness is not the exploitation of the present but the preparation of the future.'''
** [[Leon Trotsky]], '[https://www.marxists.org/archive/trotsky/1937/09/life.htm I Stake My Life]', opening telephone address to the N.Y. Hippodrome Meeting for the opening event of the [[w:Dewey Commission|Dewey Commission]] on the Moscow Trial (February 9, 1937)
==W==
* '''Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!<br>Let the dead Past bury its dead!<br>Act, act in the living present!<br>Heart within, and God o'erhead!'''
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''[[wikisource:A Psalm of Life|A Psalm of Life]]'' (1839), St. 6.
* "The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present"
** [[Bill Watterson]], ''[[w:Calvin and Hobbes|Calvin and Hobbes]]'' (1985)
* The nation is burdened with the heavy curse on those who come afterwards. The generation before us was inspired by an activism and a naive enthusiasm, which we cannot rekindle, because we confront tasks of a different kind from those which our fathers faced.
** [[Max Weber]], address to convention of the Verein für Socialpolitik, Germany, 1893; reported in Reinhard Bendix, ''Max Weber'' (1960), p. 53.
* You can't fuck the future. The future fucks you! It catches up with you and it fucks you if you ain't planned for it!
** [[Norman Wexler]], through the main character Tony Manero in the motion picture ''[[Saturday Night Fever]]'' (1978).
* '''My visions of the [[future]] are always pretty much standard issue. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer... and there are flying cars.'''
** [[Joss Whedon]] ''TV Guide'' (27 December – 2 January 2004), and Foreword to ''Fray''
* '''It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits of science that it equips the future for its duties.'''
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''Science and the Modern World'' (1925), Ch. 13: Requisites for Social Progress.
* '''My clients are the children; my clients are the next generation.''' They do not know what promises and bonds I undertook when I ordered the armies of the United States to the soil of France, but I know, and '''I intend to redeem my pledges to the children; they shall not be sent upon a similar errand.'''
** [[Woodrow Wilson]], address in Pueblo, Colorado (September 25, 1919); reported in Albert Shaw, ed., ''The Messages and Papers of Woodrow Wilson'' (1924), vol. 2, p. 1127.
==X==
* '''Education is an important element in the struggle for human rights. It is the means to help our children and our people rediscover their identity and thereby increase their self respect. Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs only to the people who prepare for it today.'''
** [[Malcolm X]], Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary: Speeches, Interviews, and a Letter'' (1970).
* '''Armed with the knowledge of our past, we can with confidence charter a course for our future.''' Culture is an indispensable weapon in the freedom struggle. '''We must''' take hold of it and '''forge the future with the past.'''
** [[Malcolm X]], Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary: Speeches, Interviews, and a Letter'' (1970).
==Z==
* '''To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives.''' If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places — and there are so many — where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. '''The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.'''
** [[Howard Zinn]], ''A Power Governments Cannot Suppress'', p. 270.
==''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''==
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 304-06.</small>
* That what will come, and must come, shall come well.
** [[Edwin Arnold]], ''Light of Asia'' (1879), Book VI, line 274.
* Making all futures fruits of all the pasts.
** [[Edwin Arnold]], ''Light of Asia'' (1879), Book V, line 432.
* Some day Love shall claim his own<br>Some day Right ascend his throne,<br>Some day hidden Truth be known;<br>Some day—some sweet day.
** [[Lewis J. Bates]], ''Some Sweet Day''.
* The year goes wrong, and tares grow strong,<br> Hope starves without a crumb;<br>But God's time is our harvest time,<br> And that is sure to come.
** [[Lewis J. Bates]], ''Our Better Day''.
* Dear Land to which Desire forever flees;<br> Time doth no present to our grasp allow,<br>Say in the fixed Eternal shall we seize<br> At last the fleeting Now?
** [[Edward Bulwer-Lytton]], ''Corn Flowers'', Book I. The First Violets.
* You can never plan the future by the past.
** [[Edmund Burke]], letter to a Member of the National Assembly, Volume IV, p. 55.
* With mortal crisis doth portend,<br>My days to appropinque an end.
** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'' (1664), Part I, Canto III, line 589.
* 'Tis the sunset of life gives me mystical lore,<br>And coming events cast their shadows before.
** [[Thomas Campbell]], ''Lochiel's Warning''.
* ''Certis rebus certa signa præcurrunt.''
** Certain signs precede certain events.
** [[Cicero]], ''De Divinatione'', I. 52.
* So often do the spirits<br>Of great events stride on before the events,<br>And in to-day already walks to-morrow.
** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Death of Wallenstein'', Act V, scene 1.
* There shall be no more snow<br>No weary noontide heat,<br>So we lift our trusting eyes<br>From the hills our Fathers trod:<br>To the quiet of the skies:<br>To the Sabbath of our God.
** [[Felicia Hemans]], ''Evening Song of the Tyrolese Peasants''.
* ''Quid sit futurum cras, fuge quærere: et''
''Quem Fors dierum cunque dabit, lucro<br>Appone.''
** Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and to take as a gift whatever the day brings forth.
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', I. 9. 13.
* ''Prudens futuri temporis exitum<br>Caliginosa nocte premit deus.''
** A wise God shrouds the future in obscure darkness.
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', III. 29. 29.
* You'll see that, since our fate is ruled by chance,<br> Each man, unknowing, great,<br>Should frame life so that at some future hour<br> Fact and his dreamings meet.
** [[Victor Hugo]], ''To His Orphan Grandchildren''.
* With whom there is no place of toil, no burning heat, no piercing cold, nor any briars there … this place we call the Bosom of Abraham.
** [[Josephus]], ''Discourse to the Greeks concerning Hades''. Homer, ''Odyssey'', VI. 42.
* When Earth's last picture is painted, and the tubes are twisted and dried,<br>When the oldest colours have faded, and the youngest critic has died,<br>We shall rest, and faith, we shall need it—lie down for an æon or two,<br>Till the Master of All Good Workmen shall set us to work anew.
** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''When Earth's Last Picture Is Painted''.
* ''Le présent est gros de l'avenir.''
** The present is big with the future.
** Leibnitz.
* Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!<br> Let the dead Past bury its dead!
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''A Psalm of Life''.
* There's a good time coming, boys;<br> A good time coming:<br>We may not live to see the day,<br>But earth shall glisten in the ray<br> Of the good time coming.<br>Cannon-balls may aid the truth,<br> But thought's a weapon stronger;<br>We'll win our battle by its aid,<br> Wait a little longer.
** [[Charles Mackay]], ''The Good Time Coming''.
* '''The future is a world limited by ourselves'''; in it we discover only what concerns us and, sometimes, by chance, what interests those whom we love the most.
** [[Maurice Maeterlinck]], ''Joyzelle'', Act I.
* Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
** Matthew, VI. 34.
* '''The wave of the future is coming and there is no fighting it.'''
** [[Anne Morrow Lindbergh]], ''The Wave of the Future'' (1940).
* The never-ending flight<br>Of future days.
** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 221.
* There was the Door to which I found no key;<br>There was the Veil through which I might not see.
** [[Omar Khayyam]], ''[[Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam]]'' (1120), Stanza 32. (Later ed.) FitzGerald's translation.
* ''Venator sequitur fugientia; capta relinquit;<br>Semper et inventis ulteriora petit.''
** The hunter follows things which flee from him; he leaves them when they are taken; and ever seeks for that which is beyond what he has found.
** [[Ovid]], ''Amorum'' (16 BC), Book II. 9. 9.
* ''Ludit in humanis divina potentia rebus,<br>Et certam præsens vix habet hora fidem.''
** Heaven makes sport of human affairs, and the present hour gives no sure promise of the next.
** [[Ovid]], ''Epistolæ Ex Ponto'', IV. 3. 49.
* ''Nos duo turba sumus.''
** We two [Deucalion and Pyrrha, after the deluge] form a multitude.
** [[Ovid]], ''Metamorphoses'', I. 355.
* ''Après nous le déluge.''
** After us the deluge.
** Mme. Pompadour. After the battle of Rossbach. See Larousse, ''Fleurs Historiques''. Madame de Hausset, ''Memoirs''. (Ed. 1824), p. 19. Also attributed to Louis XV by the French. Compare Cicero, ''De Finibus'', XI. 16.
* Oh, blindness to the future! kindly giv'n,<br>That each may fill the circle mark'd by heaven.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''An Essay on Man'' (1733-34), Epistle I, line 85.
* In adamantine chains shall Death be bound,<br>And Hell's grim tyrant feel th' eternal wound.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Messiah'', line 47.
* And better skilled in dark events to come.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''The Odyssey'', Book V. 219.
* ''Etwas fürchten und hoffen und sorgen,<br>Muss der Mensch für den kommenden Morgen.''
** Man must have some fears, hopes, and cares, for the coming morrow.
** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ''Die Braut von Messina''.
* But there's a gude time coming.
** [[Walter Scott]], ''Rob Roy'', Chapter XXXII.
* ''Calamitosus est animus futuri anxius.''
** The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistolæ Ad Lucilium'', XCVIII.
* How many ages hence<br>Shall this our lofty scene be acted over<br>In states unborn and accents yet unknown.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Julius Caesar (play)|Julius Cæsar]]'' (1599), Act III, scene 1, line 111.
* God, if Thy will be so,<br>Enrich the time to come with smooth-faced peace,<br>With smiling plenty and fair prosperous days!
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]'' (c. 1591), Act V, scene 5, line 32.
* ''Quid crastina volveret ætas,<br>Scire nefas homini.''
** Man is not allowed to know what will happen to-morrow.
** [[Statius]], ''Thebais'', III. 562.
* Could we but know<br>The land that ends our dark, uncertain travel.
** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Undiscovered Country''.
* When the Rudyards cease from Kipling<br> And the Haggards ride no more.
** [[J. K. Stephen]], ''Lapsus Calami''.
* When I am dead let the earth be dissolved in fire.
** Suetonius. Quoting Nero. Nero. 38. Quoted by Milton from Tiberius in his Church Government, Book I, Chapter V. Tiberius, quoting an unknown Greek poet. See note of Leutsch, Appendix II. 56, to Proverbs LVIII. 23. [[Euripides]], ''Fragment Inc. B'', XXVII.
* Till the sun grows cold,<br> And the stars are old,<br>And the leaves of the Judgment Book unfold.
** [[Bayard Taylor]], ''Bedouin Song''.
* ''Istuc est sapere, non quod ante pedes modo est<br>Videre, sed etiam illa, quæ futura sunt<br>Prospicere.''
** That is to be wise to see not merely that which lies before your feet, but to foresee even those things which are in the womb of futurity.
** [[Terence]], ''Adelphi'', III. 3. 32.
* I hear a voice you cannot hear,<br> Which says, I must not stay;<br>I see a hand you cannot see,<br> Which beckons me away.
** [[Thomas Tickell]], ''Colin and Lucy''.
* ''Dabit deus his quoque finem.''
** God will put an end to these also.
** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), I. 199.
{{misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
*'''Oogway''': ''' ''[[Yesterday]] is [[history]], [[tomorrow]] is a [[mystery]], but [[today]] is a [[gift]]. That is why it is called the "[[present]]".'' '''
** [[w:Jonathan Aibel|Jonathan Aibel]] and [[w:Glenn Berger|Glen Berger]], ''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'', (2008).
*** '''"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, Today is God's gift,''' that's why we call it the present." (Regarded as an "anonymous poem", in [[w:Joan Chittister|Joan Chittister]]'s ''Heart of Flesh'' (1998), p. 129; in ''Vital Issues: The Journal of African American Speeches'' (1998), Bethune-DuBois Publications, p. 27, and in [[w:Joan Rivers|Joan Rivers]]' "From Mother to Daughter" (1998), p. 30.)
*** '''"Yesterday may be History, Tomorrow is Mystery and Today is our Golden Opportunity!"''' (As quoted in H.S. Cheesbrough's ''Canada Lumberman,'' Volume 62 (1942), Southam-Maclean.
*** "Live today. '''The past is gone. Today is God's gift to us,''' whether it be a day of storm or sunshine. '''Tomorrow may never come,''' and that is immaterial." (From ''Friends' Intelligencer'', Volume 91, No.1-26 (1934), p. 21)
*** '''"Yesterday is history; to-morrow is merely a hope; to-day is the only absolute asset of time that is yours."''' From [[w:Frank Pixley|Frank Pixley]]'s ''Thoughts and Things'' (1912), in , Duffield & Company, p. 29.
{{misattributed end}}
==See also==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
* [[Age of Aquarius]]
* [[Futures studies]]
* [[Futurism]] (art movement)
* [[Incorrect predictions]]
* [[Kali Yuga]]
{{col-2}}
* [[Past]]
* [[Prediction]]
* [[Present]]
* [[Prophecy]]
* [[Puranas]]
* [[Vana Parva]]
* [[Time]]
{{col-end}}
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|future}}
[[Category:Time]]
[[Category:Future| ]]
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[[File:A_pen_on_paper.jpg|thumb|The past is written, but the future is left for us to write. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Einstein 1921 by F Schmutzer - restoration.jpg|thumb|From its past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the future. ~ Jewish intellectuals in The New York Times]]
[[File:L'Image et le Pouvoir - Buste cuirassé de Marc Aurèle agé - 3.jpg|thumb|right|Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. ~ [[Marcus Aurelius Antoninus]] ]]
The '''[[wikt:future|future]]''' is the period of time after the present, or the events that will occur in that time.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha|''[[#Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' · [[#Misattributed|Misattributed]]}}
[[File:Past and Present Number Two.jpg|thumb|Once you realize you deserve a bright future, letting go of your dark past is the best choice you will ever make. ~ Roy T. Bennett]]
[[File:Jerome Bixby 5409.jpg|thumb|One man cannot summon the future. ~ [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]] ]]
[[File:Bundesarchiv B 145 Bild-F057884-0009, Willy Brandt.jpg|thumb|Those who adhere to the [[past]] won't be able to cope with the future. ~ [[Willy Brandt]] ]]
[[File:William Bell Scott - Albrecht Duerer on the Balcony of his House.jpeg|thumb|Nothing we do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. ~ [[Ashleigh Brilliant]] ]]
[[File:Robot Arm Over Earth with Sunburst - GPN-2000-001097.jpg|thumb|right|The future isn't written. It can be changed. You know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be. ~ Doc {{w|Emmett Brown}} (played by Christopher Lloyd) in [[w:Back to the Future Part III|Back to the Future Part III (1990)]] ]]
[[File:Edmund Burke statue by Matthew Bisanz.JPG|thumb|right|You can never plan the future by the past. ~ [[Edmund Burke]] ]]
[[File:Scarlet darter (Crocothemis erythraea) female Bulgaria.jpg|thumb|How we remember the past determines the shape of the future. ~ [[w:James Carroll (author)|James Carroll]] ]]
[[File:Sir Winston S Churchill.jpg|thumb|right|The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]]
[[File:Tunnels of Time.jpg|thumb|right|If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]]
[[File:The_Last_of_the_Spirits-John_Leech%2C_1843.jpg|thumb|200px|Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. '''Are these the shadows of the things that ''will be'', or are they shadows of things that ''may be'' only?''' ~ [[Charles Dickens]]]]
[[File:JUL Iris Soul Palm.png|thumb|right|Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you -- be futurewise. ~ [[Patrick Dixon]] ]]
[[File:Sunrise.PNG|thumb|right|Your task is not to foresee the future, but to enable it. ~ [[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]] ]]
[[File:Vittore carpaccio, scuola degli albanesi, presentazione della vergine al tempio 01.jpg|thumb|right|It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing. ~ [[Robert Frost]] ]]
[[File:RWHollywoodBowl1-cover.JPG|thumb|right|The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented. ~ [[Dennis Gabor]] ]]
[[File:Jardin du Musee Rodin Paris Le Penseur 20050402 (02).jpg|thumb|right|If you don't think about the future, you cannot have one. ~ [[John Galsworthy]] ]]
[[File:Graffito of Emma Goldman in Montreal, Canada.jpg|thumb|right|To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone. ~ [[Emma Goldman]] ]]
[[File:William Ford Gibson.jpg|thumb|The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed. ~ [[William Gibson]] ]]
[[File:Pegasus Lequesne Palais Garnier.jpg|thumb|right|The greatest danger to our future is apathy. ~ [[Jane Goodall]] ]]
[[File:Electricsheep-3052.jpg|thumb|right|The future is not what is coming at us, but what we are headed for. ~ [[w:Jean-Marie Guyau|Jean-Marie Guyau]] ]]
[[File:RAHeinlein autographing Midamericon ddb-371-14.jpg|thumb|right|A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future. ~ [[Robert A. Heinlein]] ]]
[[File:RepublicanWoman1936GTaro.jpg|thumb|right|Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. ~ [[Ernest Hemingway]] ]]
[[File:Burning oil lamp.jpg|thumb|right|I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past. ~ [[Patrick Henry]] ]]
[[File:Robot_Arm_Over_Earth_with_Sunburst_-_GPN-2000-001097.jpg|thumb|right|In a [[time]] of drastic [[change]] it is the [[Learning|learners]] who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a [[world]] that no longer exists. ~ [[Eric Hoffer]] ]]
[[File:John de Lancie Photo Op GalaxyCon Richmond 2019.jpg|thumb|right|Why? Why, to give you a taste of your future, a preview of things to come. ~ [[w:Maurice Hurley|Maurice Hurley]] ]]
[[File:Double-alaskan-rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|Time is always moving on; nothing can stop it. We can’t change the past, but we can shape the future. The more compassionate you are, the more you will find inner peace. ~ [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]] ]]
[[File:Ritratto di papa Giovanni Paolo II (1984 – edited).jpg|thumb|Remember the past with gratitude, live the present with enthusiasm and look forward to the future with confidence. ~ [[Pope John Paul II]] ]]
[[File:Bloody Sunday-Alabama police attack.jpeg|thumb|Those who appeal to you to hold on to the past do so at the cost of denying you your future. ~ [[Lyndon B. Johnson]] ]]
[[File:M51 whirlpool galaxy black hole.jpg|thumb|right|The best way to predict the future is to invent it. ~ [[Alan Kay]] ]]
[[File:Supernova&galaxia.png|thumb|right|The future is not laid out on a track. It is something that we can decide, and to the extent that we do not violate any known laws of the universe, we can probably make it work the way that we want to. ~ [[Alan Kay]] ]]
[[File:A mosaic LAW by Frederick Dielman, 1847-1935.JPG|thumb|Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance. ~ Thomas R. Kearns ]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy Senate Portrait.jpg|thumb|Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Reynolds Coliseum, 1953 Dixie Classic program page 05.jpg|thumb|My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]].]]
[[File:Cernunnos - by Jeroen van Valkenburg.PNG|thumb|right|We can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Berkeley glade afternoon.jpg|thumb|Knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:CampanileMtTamalpiasSunset-original.jpg|thumb|It is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Adam Bernaert - "Vanitas" Still Life - Walters 37682.jpg|thumb|We need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]].]]
[[File:Peace at the End of the Civil War.jpg|thumb|right|With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured. ~ [[Abraham Lincoln]] ]]
[[File:Soap bubble sky.jpg|thumb|right|The future exists only in imagination; and that is why, no matter how hard you try to imagine it, you will not be able to predict the future with total certainty. ~ [[Barry Long]] ]]
[[File:Kalamos.jpg|thumb|right|Look not mournfully into the Past; it comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present; it is thine.<br> Go forth to meet the shadowy Future without fear and with a manly heart. ~ [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] ]]
[[File:Ngc1999.jpg|thumb|right| The future is a world limited by ourselves. ~ [[Maurice Maeterlinck]] ]]
[[File:P112912PS-0444 - President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney in the Oval Office - crop.jpg|thumb|right|We have a choice. We can shape our future, or let events shape it for us. And if we want to succeed, we can't fall back on the stale debates and old divides that won't move us forward. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Barack Obama with his niece Savita in the Oval Office.jpg|thumb|right|Don’t shortchange the future, because of fear in the present. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Jackie Kennedy on Landmark Express, April 1978.jpg|thumb|right|If we don't care about our past we can't have very much hope for our future. ~ [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]]]]
[[File:Apollonian circles.svg|thumb|Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future. A person's life, their future, hinges on each of a thousand choices. Living is making choices. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Patrick Stewart signing autographs.jpg|thumb|Your past is my future and as far as I'm concerned, it hasn't been written yet. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Balanced Rock.jpg|thumb|I prefer to look on the future as something which is not written in stone. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Patrick Stewart Photo Call Logan Berlinale 2017 (cropped).jpg|thumb|May you all go boldly into a future freed from the shackles of the past. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Michael Lukas Leopold Willmann 001.jpg|thumb|right|We must discipline ourselves to convert dreams into plans, and plans into goals, and goals into those small daily activities that will lead us, one sure step at a time, toward a better future. ~ Jim Rohn ]]
[[File:City-of-the-future.jpg|thumb|right|We cannot procrastinate. The [[world]] of the future is in our making. [[Tomorrow]] is [[now]]. ~ [[Eleanor Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:Fire dancing in the water 20060623 TVR.jpg|thumb|right|The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~ [[Eleanor Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:Bust of Young Franklin Delano Roosevelt - FDR Presidential Library & Museum - Hyde Park - New York - USA (7078542053).jpg|thumb|To bring together the records of the past and to house them in buildings where they will be preserved for the use of men and women in the future, a Nation must believe in three things. It must believe in the past. It must believe in the future. It must, above all, believe in the capacity of its own people so to learn from the past that they can gain in judgment in creating their own future. ~ [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:1944 NormandyLST.jpg|thumb|right|The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith. ~ [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:US Capitol DC 2007 001.jpg|thumb|right|We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the [[present]]. ~ [[Adlai Stevenson]] ]]
[[File:SZA17 (13458177985).jpg|thumb|right|Is it so bad to pause the future to appreciate the past? ~ [[w:SZA|SZA]]]]
[[File:Electricsheep-18467.jpg|thumb|right|Stop haunting your past and try to drop in on the future. ~ [[w:Tabucchi|Antonio Tabucchi]] ]]
[[File:Freedom tree, St Helier - geograph.ci - 150.jpg|thumb|The future has taken root in the present. ~ [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]] ]]
[[File:Teslathinker.jpg |thumb|right|Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine. ~ [[Nikola Tesla]] ]]
[[File:Lightning simulator questacon05.jpg|thumb|right|Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. ~ [[Nikola Tesla]] ]]
[[File:LeonTrotsky1897.jpg|thumb|right|The highest human happiness is not the exploitation of the present but the preparation of the future. ~ [[Leon Trotsky]] ]]
[[File:120-cell-inner.gif|thumb|right|It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits of science that it equips the future for its duties. ~ [[Alfred North Whitehead]] ]]
[[File:The Autobiography of Malcolm X in the White House library.jpg|thumb|right|[[Education]] is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs only to the [[people]] who prepare for it today. ~ [[Malcolm X]] ]]
[[File:No Clear Future.jpg|thumb|right|Armed with the [[knowledge]] of our [[past]], we can with [[confidence]] charter a course for our future. We must forge the future with the past. ~ [[Malcolm X]] ]]
[[File:Apollonian circles.svg|thumb|Countless [[choices]] define our [[fate]]: each choice, each [[moment]], a ripple in the river of [[time]]. Enough ripples, and you [[change]] the tide... for the future is never truly set. ~ Prof. Charles Xavier/Professor X ]]
[[File:Astronomische Uhr Wells.JPG|thumb|right|The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory. ~ [[Howard Zinn]] ]]
<!-- alphabetical by author -->
==A==
* The future is mysterious. Now we’re seeing an entire generation lost to war. My hopes for the future are not personal; they’re for my people. My hopes are for peace, and only for peace.
** [[Hani Abbas]] [https://www.thedailybeast.com/hani-abbas-extends-the-vital-tradition-of-political-cartooning-in-the-mideast Interview] (2013)
* "Don't tell me about the future." said Ford. "I've been all over the future. Spend half my time there. It's the same as anywhere else. Anywhen else. Whatever. Just the same old stuff in faster cars and smellier air."
** Ford Prefect in ''Mostly Harmless'', novel by [[Douglas Adams]]
* Should not a true understanding of life promote care for the future along with the [[present]]? This is the immediate duty of every [[scientist]]. Until now scientists have dealt with life as finite — is it not now their mission to see life as extending into [[Infinity]]?
** [[Agni Yoga]], ''Agni Yoga'' (1929)
* The problem is that no one gives much of a shit about the future until it actually happens. In the fable of [[w:The Ant and the Grasshopper|the grasshopper and the ant]], human beings are the most frivolous breed of grasshopper that ever was.
** Nina Allan, ''The Common Tongue'' (2016), in [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]] (ed.) ''[[w:Jonathan Strahan|Drowned Worlds]]'' (e-book edition, {{ISBN|978-1-84997-930-6}})
* '''Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.'''
** [[Marcus Aurelius Antoninus]], ''Meditations'', Book VII, 8 (Penguin Classics edition of Meditations, translated by Maxwell Staniforth).
==B==
* The generation which will come into active thought expression at the end of this century... will inaugurate the framework, structure and fabric of the [[Age of Aquarius|New Age [of Aquarius]]], which will start with certain premises, which today are the dream of the more exalted dreamers, and which will develop the civilisatation... This coming age will be as predominantly the age of group interplay, group idealism, and group consciousness, as the Piscean Age has been one of personality unfoldment and emphasis, personality focus, and personality consciousness. Selfishness, as we now understand it, will gradually disappear, for the will of the individual will voluntarily be blended into the group will.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''The Rays & the Initiations'' (1960)
* The ancient symbol for the sign Aquarius (into which our Sun is now entering) is that of the Water-carrier, the man with a pitcher of water. This passing of the Sun into the sign Aquarius is an astronomical fact... not an astrological prognostication. The great spiritual achievement and evolutionary event of that age will be the communion and human relationships established among all peoples, enabling men everywhere to sit down together... and share the bread and wine (symbols of nourishment). Preparations for that shared feast (symbolically speaking) are on their way, and those preparations are being made by the masses of men themselves, as they fight and struggle and legislate for the economic sustenance of their nations, and as the theme of food occupies the attention of legislators everywhere. This sharing, beginning on the physical plane, will prove equally true of all human relations and this will be the great gift of the Aquarian Age to humanity.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''The Reappearance of the Christ'' (1947)
* Energies emanating from... Aquarius... will (through the effect of its potent force) stimulate... men into a new coherency, into a brotherhood of humanity which will ignore all racial and national differences and will carry the life of men forward into synthesis and unity. This means a tide of unifying life of such power that one cannot now vision it, but which—in a thousand years—will have welded all mankind into a perfect brotherhood.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''Treatise on W.M.'' (1934)
* The future, it seemed, was turning out to be one damn thing after another.
** [[Stephen Baxter]], ''[[w:Time (Baxter novel)|Time]]'' (1999), <small> {{ISBN|978-0-345-43076-2}}, </small> p. 299
* '''Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future.''' Do I ask Adrienne or Suzanne to the spring dance? Do I take my holiday on Corsica or on Risa? '''A person's life, their future, hinges on each of a thousand choices. Living is making choices.''' Now you ask me to believe that if I make a choice other than the one found in your history books, then your past will be irrevocably altered. Well, you know, Professor, perhaps I don't give a damn about your past, because '''your past is my future and as far as I'm concerned, it hasn't been written yet.'''
** "[[w:A Matter of Time (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|A Matter of Time]]" (30 September 1991) by [[w:Rick Berman|Rick Berman]].
** Spoken by [[Jean-Luc Picard]], in ''[[Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:A Matter of Time (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|A Matter of Time]]" (30 September 1991) by [[w:Rick Berman|Rick Berman]].
* There are two futures, the future of [[desire]] and the future of [[fate]], and man's reason has never learnt to separate them. Desire, the strongest thing in the world, is itself all future, and it is not for nothing that in all the religions the motive is always forwards to an endless futurity of bliss or annihilation. Now that religion gives place to science the paradisical future of the soul fades before the [[Utopia]]n future of the species, and still the future rules. But always there is, on the other side, [[destiny]], that which inevitably will happen, a future here concerned not as the other was with man and his desires, but blindly and inexorably with the whole universe of space and time. The [[Buddhism|Buddhist]] seeks to escape from the [[w:Saṃsāra|Wheel of Life and Death]], the [[Christianity|Christian]] passes through them in the faith of another world to come, the modern reformer, as unrealistic but less imaginative, demands his chosen future in this world of men.<br />Can we in any better way reconcile desire and fate?
** [[John Desmond Bernal]], ''The World, the Flesh and the Devil: an Enquiry into the Future of the Three Enemies of the Rational Soul'' (1929) Ch. 1 The Future, pp. 7-8.
* FUTURE, ''n.'' That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
** [[Ambrose Bierce]], [https://archive.org/details/cynicswordbook00bier/page/128/mode/2up ''The Cynic's Word Book''] (1906); republished as ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911).
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''If change is inevitable, predictable, beneficial, doesn't logic demand that you be a part of it?'''
* '''Mirror Spock''': '''One man cannot summon the future.'''
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''But one man can change the present.'''
** Star Trek: The Original Series episode ''[[w:Mirror, Mirror (Star Trek: The Original Series)|Mirror, Mirror]]'' (6 October 1967) by [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]]
* People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it. Better yet, build it. Predicting the future is much too easy, anyway. You look at the people around you, the street you stand on, the visible air you breathe, and predict more of the same. To hell with more. I want better.
** [[Ray Bradbury]], ''Beyond 1984: The People Machines''. (1979).
* ''Die Zukunft wird nicht gemeistert von denen, die am Vergangenen kleben.''
** '''Those who adhere to the past won't be able to cope with the future.'''
** [[Willy Brandt]], speech at the extraordinary convention of the Social Democratic Party of Germany on 18 November 1971, book source: "Reden und Interviews: Herbst 1971 bis Frühjahr 1973", Hoffmann und Campe, 1973, p. 25.
* '''Nothing we do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future.'''
** [[Ashleigh Brilliant]]. As quoted at goodreads.com. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240109195533/https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/340722-nothing-we-do-can-change-the-past-but-everything-we Archived] [https://archive.is/NEPAS from] [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/340722-nothing-we-do-can-change-the-past-but-everything-we the original] on January 9, 2024.
* Many religions speak of the End of Days. It refers not to the end of the world, but rather the end of our current age – Pisces, which began at the time of Christ’s birth, spanned two thousand years, and waned with the passing of the millennium. Now that we’ve passed into the Age of Aquarius, the End of Days has arrived.
** [[w:Dan Brown|Dan Brown]], in [[w:The Da Vinci Code|''The Da Vinci Code'']] (2003)
* We believe in trying to stick with [[business]]es ... where we think we can see the future reasonably well.
** [[Warren Buffett]], {{cite journal|title=1996 Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting Warren Buffett Charlie Munger FULL Q&A|date=June 28, 2018|journal=IDP, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YptOBQTb14}} (quote at 2:02:20 of 4:54:01)
* '''You can never plan the future by the past.'''
** [[Edmund Burke]], letter to a Member of the National Assembly (1791), Volume IV, p. 55. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 304-06.
* '''I come before you and assume the Presidency at a moment rich with promise. We live in a peaceful, prosperous time, but we can make it better.''' For a new breeze is blowing, and a world refreshed by freedom seems reborn; for in man's heart, if not in fact, the day of the dictator is over. The totalitarian era is passing, its old ideas blown away like leaves from an ancient, lifeless tree. '''A new breeze is blowing, and a nation refreshed by freedom stands ready to push on. There is new ground to be broken, and new action to be taken. There are times when the future seems thick as a fog; you sit and wait, hoping the mists will lift and reveal the right path. But this is a time when the future seems a door you can walk right through into a room called tomorrow.''' <br> Great nations of the world are moving toward democracy through the door to freedom. Men and women of the world move toward free markets through the door to prosperity. The people of the world agitate for free expression and free thought through the door to the moral and intellectual satisfactions that only liberty allows. <br> We know what works: Freedom works. We know what's right: Freedom is right. We know how to secure a more just and prosperous life for man on Earth: through free markets, free speech, free elections, and the exercise of free will unhampered by the state.
** [[George H. W. Bush]], Inaugural Address (1989), Washington, D. C. (20 January 1989) [http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/bush.htm Full text online at Yale University]
* '''I do not [[mistrust]] the future; I do not [[fear]] what is ahead. For our [[problems]] are large, but our [[heart]] is larger. Our [[challenges]] are great, but our [[will]] is [[greater]]. And if our flaws are [[endless]], [[God]]'s [[love]] is [[truly]] [[boundless]].<br>''' Some see leadership as high drama, and the sound of trumpets calling, and sometimes it is that. But I see history as a book with many pages, and each day we fill a page with acts of hopefulness and meaning. '''The new breeze blows, a page turns, the story unfolds. And so today a chapter begins, a small and stately story of unity, diversity, and generosity — shared, and written, together.'''
** [[George H. W. Bush]], Inaugural Address (1989), Washington, D. C. (20 January 1989) [http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/bush.htm Full text online at Yale University]
==C==
*'''[[w:Terminator (character)|The Terminator]]''': It must [[end]] here...or I am the future.
** [[James Cameron]], [[w:William Wisher|William Wisher]]; [[Terminator 2: Judgment Day]], 1991.
* The future will soon be a thing of the past.
** [[George Carlin]], ''Napalm and Silly Putty'' (2001), p. 260.
* '''How we remember the past determines the shape of the future.'''
** [[w:James Carroll (author)|James Carroll]] (March 22, 2005) "[https://archive.ph/PsbGv If Kennan had prevailed]". The Boston Globe. Archived from [http://archive.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2005/03/22/if_kennan_had_prevailed/ the original] on March 4, 2022.
* Future generations are unlikely to condone our lack of prudent concern for the integrity of the natural world that supports all [[life]].
** [[Rachel Carson]] Silent Spring (1962)
* Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ. Leave the Irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with Him.
** [[Oswald Chambers]], ''My Utmost for His Highest'' (1956). Section "December 31".
* '''The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], speech at Harvard University, September 6, 1943, in ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations''(1999), Knowles & Partington, p. 215.
* Of this I am quite sure, that '''if we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech in the House of Commons, June 18, 1940 [http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/commons/1940/jun/18/war-situation#column_52 "War Situation"].
* '''We must all turn our backs upon the horrors of the past. We must look to the future. We cannot afford to drag forward cross the years that are to come the hatreds and revenges which have sprung from the injuries of the past.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech at [[wikipedia:Zurich University|Zurich University]] (September 19, 1946) ([http://www.churchill-society-london.org.uk/astonish.html partial text]) ([http://www.peshawar.ch/varia/winston.htm]).
* I've seen the future, brother; it is murder.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''The Future''.
==D==
* Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. '''Are these the shadows of the things that ''will be'', or are they shadows of things that ''may be'' only?'''
** ''[[A Christmas Carol]]'' by [[Charles Dickens]] [https://books.google.com/books?id=4e49qoiif1UC&pg=PT54&dq=A+christmas+carol+are+these+the+visions+of+things&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CCsQ6AEwAmoVChMIw7qW57jvxgIVCKKACh1EagdD#v=onepage&q=A%20christmas%20carol%20are%20these%20the%20visions%20of%20things&f=false A Christmas Carol]
* '''Men will seem to see new destructions in the sky.''' The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. '''They will hear every kind of animals speak in human language. They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness.''' O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! '''You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.'''
** [[Leonardo da Vinci]], ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938), ''XX Humorous Writings'', as translated by Edward MacCurdy.
* The complement of the word ''useful'' is the word ''man'', but it is also the word ''future''. It is man insofar as he is, according to the formula of [[w:Francis Ponge|Ponge]], "the future of man." Indeed, cut off from his [[w:Transcendence (philosophy)|transcendence]], reduced to the {{w|facticity}} of his presence, an individual is nothing; it is by his project that he fulfills himself, by the end at which he aims that he justifies himself; thus, this justification is always to come. Only the future can take the present for its own and keep it alive by surpassing it. A choice will become possible in the light of the future, which is the meaning of tomorrow because the present appears as the facticity which must be transcended toward freedom.
** [[Simone de Beauvoir]], {{cite book |title={{w|The Ethics of Ambiguity}} |date=1948 |publisher=Philosophical Library |isbn=978-0-8065-0160-4}} [https://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/ambiguity/ch03.htm Part III: The Positive Aspect of Ambiguity]
* We cannot build the future on injustice.
** [[F. W. de Klerk]], [https://www.c-span.org/video/?124979-1/the-trek-beginning on ''The Washington Journal'' of C-SPAN] (11 June 1999)
* '''Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you -- be futurewise.'''
** [[Patrick Dixon]], Futurist and author, ''Futurewise'' 1998/2005.
*Whatever the future may have in store for us, one thing is certain... Human [[thought]] will never go backward. When a [[great]] [[truth]] once gets abroad in the [[world]], no [[power]] on [[earth]] can imprison it, or prescribe its limits, or suppress it. It is bound to go on till it becomes the [[thought]] of the world... Now that it has got fairly fixed in the minds of the few, it is bound to become fixed in the minds of the many, and be supported at last by a great cloud of witnesses, which no man can number and no power can withstand.
**[[Frederick Douglass]], [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=494 speech to the International Council of Women] (31 March 1888).
* The only thing we know about the future is that it is going to be different.
** [[Peter Drucker]], ''Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices'' (1973), Part 1, Chapter 4.
* We have known about the dangers we pose to ourselves for decades and yet we continue sleepwalking toward a grim future, somehow numb to what it will mean for our children and theirs. Almost every depiction of our world's future in popular culture is a dystopian vision of a planet piled high with garbage, a ruined wasteland. They are accurate reflections of the fear in our hearts. But if dreams are maps, could a great dream of our future possibly help us find our way out of this nightmare?
** [[Ann Druyan]] Cosmos: Possible Worlds (2020)
* If we could only just see our lives as links in the chain of life, and see as our first responsibility to get that next link in the chain safely to the future
** [[Ann Druyan]] [https://astronomy.com/news/2020/03/beyond-carl-sagans-cosmos-a-conversation-with-ann-druyan Interview] with Astronomy Magazine (2020)
* [[w:Lawrence Bragg|Lawrence Bragg]], a shrewd observer of the birth of [[quantum mechanics]], summed up the situation in a few words: "Everything in the future is a [[wave]] — everything in the [[past]] is a [[particle]]."
** [[Freeman Dyson]], {{cite web|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HjF4yvgOlo|title=Freeman Dyson posits "QM cannot be a complete description of nature" @ J.A. Wheeler's 90th birthday"|website=YouTube|date=6 March 2014}} (quote at 22:51 of 33:06)
==E==
*As it turns out, the future of the ocean, the creatures who live there, and our own future are inextricably linked.
**[[Sylvia Earle]] ''The World Is Blue: How Our Fate and the Ocean's Are One'' (2009)
*on balance, if I had to choose the most interesting and important time in all of human history to live, it would be now. As never before, and perhaps as never again, the choices made in the near future will determine mankind's success, or lack of it. These are the "good old days" sure to be envied by those in the future.
**[[Sylvia Earle]] ''Sea Change: A Message of the Oceans'' (1995)
* I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
** [[Albert Einstein]], Attributed in ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=Af84fBmzmVYC&pg=PA305&dq=Belgenland The Encarta Book of Quotations]'' to an interview on the ''Belgenland'' (December 1930), which was the ship on which he arrived in New York that month. According to ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2010), [http://books.google.com/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA18#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 18], the quote also appears as "Aphorism, 1945-1946" in the Einstein Archives 36-570. Calaprice speculates that "perhaps it was recalled later and inserted into the archives under the later date." According to a snippet on Google Books, the phrase '"I never think of the future," he said. "It comes soon enough."' appears in ''The Literary Digest: Volume 107'' on p. 29, in an article titled "We May Not 'Get' Relativity, But We Like Einstein" from [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=%22we+like+einstein%22#search_anchor 27 December 1930]. The [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=belgenland+%22I+never+think+of+the+future%22+%22it+comes+soon+enough%22#search_anchor snippet] also discusses the "welcome to Professor Einstein on the ''Belgenland''" in New York.
* '''Your task is not to foresee the future, but to enable it.'''
** [[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]], ''Citadelle'' or ''The Wisdom of the Sands'' (1948).
==F==
* '''It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing.'''
** [[Robert Frost]], "Escapist — Never'' (1962)
* It is one of our most exciting discoveries that local discovery leads to a complex of further discoveries. Corollary to this we find that we no sooner get a problem solved than we are overwhelmed with a multiplicity of additional problems in a most beautiful payoff of heretofore unknown, previously unrecognized, and as-yet unsolved problems.
** [[Buckminster Fuller]] ''Synergetics: Explorations in the Geometry of Thinking'' (1975).
====Buckminster Fuller, ''Critical Path'' (1981) ====
<small>[https://archive.org/details/LIBRORBuckminsterFullerCriticalPath (full text online)]</small>
* Neither the great political and financial power structures of the world, nor the specialization-blinded professionals, nor the population in general realize... that it is now highly feasible to take care of everybody on Earth at a higher standard of living than any have ever known.
* It no longer has to be you or me. Selfishness is unnecessary and henceforth unrationalizable as mandated by survival.
* War is obsolete. It could never have been done before. Only ten years ago... technology reached the point where it could be done. Since then the invisible technological-capability revolution has made it ever easier so to do.
* It is a matter of converting the high technology from weaponry to livingry. The essence of livingry is human-life advantaging and environment controlling. With the highest aeronautical and engineering facilities of the world redirected from weaponry to livingry production, all humanity would have the option of becoming enduringly successful.
* All previous revolutions have been political—in them the have-not majority has attempted revengefully to pull down the economically advantaged minority. If realized, this historically greatest design revolution will joyously elevate all humanity to unprecedented heights.
* All of humanity is in peril of extinction if each one of us does not dare, now and henceforth, always to tell only the truth, and all the truth, and to do so promptly — right now.
* Whether it is to be [[Utopia]] or [[Oblivion]] will be a touch-and-go relay race right up to the final moment. . . . Humanity is in ‘final exam’ as to whether or not it qualifies for continuance in Universe
==G==
* '''The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be [[invention|invented]].'''
** [[Dennis Gabor]], ''Inventing the Future'' (1963)
** Frequently paraphrased as:
*** We cannot predict the future, but we can invent it.
**** {{cite web |url=http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ |work=Quote Investigator |title=We Cannot Predict the Future, But We Can Invent It |date=September 27, 2012 |accessdate=2016-11-6}} [https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024. Cites:
***** 1963 March 28, ''New Scientist'', "Books: How to be dignified though useless, by Nigel Calder, [Review of “Inventing the future” by Dennis Gabor]", Page 712, Column 2, published by Reed Business Information: "[http://books.google.com/books?id=0ckYc8yUIKUC&q=%22predict+the%22#v=snippet& His basic approach is that we cannot predict the future, but we can invent it, hence his title.]"
** Variants:
*** '''The best way to predict the future is to invent it.'''
**** [[Alan Kay]] (1971) [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ at a 1971 meeting of PARC] ([https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024.); also Stanford Engineering, Volume 1, Number 1, Autumn 1989, pg 1-6
** Similar remarks are attributed to [[Peter Drucker]] and to [[w:Dandridge MacFarlan Cole|Dandridge M. Cole]] ([http://www.jerrypournelle.com/archives2/archives2mail/mail347.html], citation actually "[https://books.google.com/books?id=a2lZAAAAMAAJ&q=dandridge+cole+%22predict+the+future%22 We predict the future because we must in order to live.]")
* I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the [[present]]. [[God]] has given me no [[control]] over the moment following.
** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], in Anthony Parel Gandhi, Freedom, and Self-rule, Lexington Books, 1 January 2000, p. 59
* [[w:Marty McFly|Marty]], '''the future isn't written. It can be changed. You know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be.'''
** Doc {{w|Emmett Brown}}, (played by {{w|Christopher Lloyd}}, [[Back to the Future Part III]] (1990), screenplay by {{w|Bob Gale}}
* '''If you don't think about the future, you cannot have one.'''
** [[John Galsworthy]], ''Swan Song'' (1928), Part II, Chapter 6.
* '''The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed.'''
** [[William Gibson]], is reported to have first said this in an interview on ''Fresh Air'', NPR (31 August 1993) {[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1107153 unverified]}, he repeated it, prefacing it with "As I've said many times…" in [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1067220 "The Science in Science Fiction" on ''Talk of the Nation'', NPR (30 November 1999, Timecode 11:55)]. See also [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/01/24/future-has-arrived/ ''The future has arrived...'' - Quote Investigator].
* '''To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone.'''
** [[Emma Goldman]], ''My Disillusionment in Russia'' (1923), existing in manuscript as "My Two Years in Russia" this work was published as [http://www.ditext.com/goldman/russia/russia.html ''My Disillusionment with Russia''] (1923), and [http://www.panarchy.org/goldman/russia.1924.html ''My Further Disillusionment with Russia''] (1924) and finally as a complete one-volume edition (1925)
* '''We often refer to space as the final frontier. But the older I get, the more I come to believe that the true final frontier is time. In command, as in life, what we do in crisis often weighs upon us less heavily than what we wish we had done, what could have been. Time offers many opportunities, but it rarely offers second chances.''' And as steps forward go I would like to acknowledge your classmate the first fully Romulan cadet at Starfleet Academy: Elnor. '''May you all go boldly into a future freed from the shackles of the past.'''
** Spoken by [[Jean-Luc Picard]], in ''[[Star Trek: Picard]]'' episode "The Star Gazer" (March 3, 2022) by [[w:Akiva Goldsman|Akiva Goldsman]] and [[w:Terry Matalas|Terry Matalas]]
* The Great Western Disease is that we fixate on the future at the expense of enjoying the life we're living now.
** [[Marshall Goldsmith]] (2010), ''What Got You Here Won't Get You There.'' p. 81
* '''The greatest danger to our future is apathy.'''
** [[Jane Goodall]], "The Power of One", ''Time'' (August 26, 2002).
* As I traveled, talking about these issues, I met so many young people who had lost hope. Some were depressed; some were apathetic; some were angry and violent. And when I talked to them, they all more or less felt this way because we had compromised their future and the world of tomorrow was not going to sustain their great-grandchildren.
** [[Jane Goodall]] "Then & Now: Jane Goodall", ''CNN'' (June 19, 2005) [http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/07/cnn25.tan.goodall/index.html Then & Now: Jane Goodall]
* ''Le futur n'est pas ce qui vient vers nous, mais ce vers quoi nous allons''
** '''The future is not what is coming at us, but what we are headed for.'''
** [[w:Jean-Marie Guyau|Jean-Marie Guyau]] (Le Genèse de l'idée du temps), translation by [[User:Astragale|Astragale]].
* '''Time is always moving on; nothing can stop it. We can’t change the past, but we can shape the future. The more compassionate you are, the more you will find inner peace.'''
** [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]],Official twitter page of the Office of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. Tweet from 8. April 2019 11:30 am. [https://web.archive.org/web/20220310132910/https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/1115185155562336256 Archived] [https://archive.is/a7xzy from] [https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/1115185155562336256 the original] on March 10, 2022 and January 9, 2024.
==H==
* Even if some different theory is discovered in the future, I don’t think time travel will ever be possible. If it were, we would have been overrun by tourists from the future by now.
** [[Stephen Hawking]] [http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/2013/09/stephen-hawking-detained-in-russia-for-bible-smuggling/]
* '''A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future.'''
** [[Robert A. Heinlein]], ''[[w:Time Enough For Love|Time Enough for Love]]'' (1973).
* '''Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. It's been that way all this year. It's been that way so many times.''' All of [[war]] is that way.
** [[Ernest Hemingway]], ''[[w: For Whom the Bell Tolls|For Whom the Bell Tolls]]'' (1940).
* If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that ''we do not know enough to be pessimistic''.
** [[w:Hazel Henderson|Hazel Henderson]], ''The Politics of the Solar Age'' (1981). Quoted in ''The Beacon Book of Quotations by Women'' ed. Rosalie Maggio (1996).
* '''I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past.'''
** [[Patrick Henry]], ''[[w:Give me liberty, or give me death!|Give me liberty, or give me death!]]'' (1775)
* '''In a time of drastic [[change]] it is the learners who inherit the [[future]]. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a [[world]] that no longer exists.'''
** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''Reflections on the Human Condition'' (1973), Section 32 <!-- also quoted in ''On Becoming a Leader'' (1989) by Warren G. Bennis, p. 189 -->
* The way I see it is that '''there're two types of people: those who spend their lives trying to build a future, and those who spend their lives trying to rebuild the past.'''
** Dan Houser, Michael Unsworth, Rupert Humphries ''Max Payne 3''.
* '''Why? Why, to give you a taste of your future, a preview of things to come.'''
** Spoken by [[w:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] (played by [[w:John de Lancie|John de Lancie]]) in the ''[[Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:Q Who|Q Who]]" (8 May 1989) by [[w:Maurice Hurley|Maurice Hurley]]. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolX8swBJHc&t=47s Beginning] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolX8swBJHc First encounter with the Borg | Star Trek TNG]" (20.03.2021) by user "Riker's Beard".
==J==
* '''I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past, — so good night!'''
** [[Thomas Jefferson]], Letter to [[John Adams]] (1 August 1816).
* Today they speak of [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and anti-[[imperialism]], whereas until recently they openly preached the doctrine of the [[Fascist]] state. It is in its actions that the terrorist party betrays its real character; '''from its past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the future.'''
** ''Jewish intellectuals'' [https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1948/12/04/96605844.pdf Letters to The Times: New Palestine Party: Visit of Menachem Begin and Aim of Political Movement Discussed] (4 December 1948) ''The New York Times''
* At the beginning of the new millennium, and at the close of the Great Jubilee during which we celebrated the two thousandth anniversary of the birth of Jesus and a new stage of the Church's journey begins, our hearts ring out with the words of Jesus when one day, after speaking to the crowds from Simon's boat, he invited the Apostle to "put out into the deep" for a catch: "Duc in altum" (Lk 5:4). Peter and his first companions trusted Christ's words, and cast the nets. "When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish" (Lk 5:6). Duc in altum! These words ring out for us today, and they invite us to '''remember the past with gratitude''', to '''live the present with enthusiasm and''' to '''look forward to the future with confidence''': "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and for ever" (Heb 13:8).
** [[Pope John Paul II]], Apostolic Letter Novo Millenio Ineunte of His Holiness John Paul II to the Bishop Clergy and Lay Faithful at the close of the Great Jubilee of the Year 2000 (6 January 2001). [https://web.archive.org/web/20220416081838/https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html Archived] from [https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html the original] on April 16, 2022.
* The challenge of the next half century is whether we have the wisdom to use that wealth to enrich and elevate our national life, and to advance the quality of our American civilization….<br>The Great Society rests on abundance and liberty for all. It demands an end to poverty and racial injustice, to which we are totally committed in our time. But that is just the beginning.<br>The Great Society is a place where every child can find knowledge to enrich his mind and to enlarge his talents. It is a place where leisure is a welcome chance to build and reflect, not a feared cause of boredom and restlessness. It is a place where the city of man serves not only the needs of the body and the demands of commerce but the desire for beauty and the hunger for community.<br>It is a place where man can renew contact with nature. It is a place which honors creation for its own sake and for what it adds to the understanding of the race. It is a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods.<br>But most of all, the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], remarks at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor (May 22, 1964). ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1963–64'', book 1, p. 704.
* How many white children have gone uneducated, how many white families have lived in stark poverty, how many white lives have been scarred by fear, because we have wasted our energy and our substance to maintain the barriers of hatred and terror? So I say to all of you here, and to all in the Nation tonight, that '''those who appeal to you to hold on to the past do so at the cost of denying you your future.'''
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=26805&st=&st1=#axzz2foHNK9TC "Special Message to the Congress: The American Promise," March 15, 1965. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project.]
* It is sometimes difficult to avoid the impression that there is a sort of foreknowledge of the coming series of events.
** [[Carl Jung]] ''[[w:Synchronicity|Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle]]'' (1960) p. 94
==K==
* People have a hard time imagining a near future that is fundamentally different from and better than the present.
** William H. Katerberg, ''Future West: Utopia and Apocalypse in Frontier Science Fiction'' (2008), University Press of Kansas, {{ISBN|978-070061609-1}}, p. 186
* '''The best way to predict the future is to [[invention|invent]] it.'''
** [[Alan Kay]] (1971) [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ at a 1971 meeting of PARC]. [https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024.
** Similar remarks are attributed to [[Peter Drucker]] and [[w:Dandridge M. Cole|Dandridge M. Cole]].
** Cf. [[Dennis Gabor]], ''Inventing the Future'' (1963): "The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented."
***[[Nigel Calder]] reviewed Gabor's book and wrote, "we cannot predict the future, but we can invent it..."
* The future is not laid out on a track. It is something that we can decide, and to the extent that we do not violate any known laws of the universe, we can probably make it work the way that we want to.
** [[Alan Kay]] in 1984 in his paper ''Inventing the Future'' which appears in ''The AI Business: The Commercial Uses of Artificial Intelligence'', edited by Patrick Henry Winston and Karen Prendergast.. As quoted by Eugene Wallingford in a post entitled ''[http://www.cs.uni.edu/~wallingf/blog/archives/monthly/2004-11.html#e2004-11-06T21_03_42.htm ALAN KAY'S TALKS AT OOPSLA]'' on November 06, 2004 9:03 PM at the website of the Computer Science section of the University of Northern Iowa.
* The young inspire the middle-aged and old with courage, and they project our vision where it belongs, into the future.
** [[Melanie Kaye/Kantrowitz]] “Nine Suggestions For Radicals, or Lessons From the Gulf War” in The Issue is Power: Essays on Women, Jews, Violence and Resistance (1992)
* '''Here our interest is directed to the temporal dimension of legality, the way law stands in relation to the past, the present, and the future. Law in the modern era is, we believe, one of the most important of our society’s technologies for preserving memory. Just as the use of precedent to legitimate legal decisions fixes law in a particular relation to the past, memory may be attached, or attach itself, to law and be preserved in and through law. Where this is the case, it serves as one way of orienting ourselves to the future. As Drucilla Cornell puts it: “Legal interpretation demands that we remember the future.” In that phrase, Cornell reminds us that there are, in fact, two [[audiences]] for every legal act, the audience of the present and the audience of the future. Law materializes memory in documents, transcripts, written opinions; it reenacts the past, both intentionally and unconsciously, and it is one place where the present speaks to the future through acts of commemoration.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.12-13
* Because the litigated case creates a record, courts can become archives in which that record serves as the materialization of memory. Due process guarantees an opportunity to be heard by, and an opportunity to speak to, the future. It is the guarantee that legal institutions can be turned into museums of unnecessary, unjust, undeserved pain and death. The legal hearing provides lawyers and litigants an opportunity to write and record history by creating narratives of present injustices, and to insist on memory in the face of denial. By recording such history and constructing such narratives lawyers and litigants call on an imagined future to choose Justice over the “jurispathic” tendencies of the moment.
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.13
* '''Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. pp.13-14
* '''Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Remarks at [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Loyola College Alumni Banquet, Baltimore, Maryland (18 February 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library
* '''My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-civic-auditorium-seattle-wa Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project -->
* '''We are not here to curse the darkness, but to light the candle that can guide us through that darkness to a safe and sane future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]], delivered on 15 July 1960 to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]].
* There may be those who wish to hear more--more promises to this group or that--more harsh rhetoric about the men in the Kremlin--more assurances of a golden future, where taxes are always low and subsidies ever high. But my promises are in the platform you have adopted--our ends will not be won by rhetoric and '''we can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]], delivered on 15 July 1960 to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]].
* For if Freedom and Communism were to compete for man's allegiance in a world at peace, I would look to the future with ever increasing confidence.
** [[John F. Kennedy]], State of the Union address, January 30, 1961. ''The Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1961'', p. 23.
* But history may well remember this as a week for an act of lesser immediate impact, and that is '''the decision by the United States and the Soviet Union to seek concrete agreements on the joint exploration of space. Experience has taught us that an agreement to negotiate does not always mean a negotiated agreement. But should such a joint effort be realized, its significance could well be tremendous for us all. In terms of space science, our combined knowledge and efforts can benefit the people of all the nations: joint weather satellites to provide more ample warnings against destructive storms--joint communications systems to draw the world more closely together--and cooperation in space medicine research and space tracking operations to speed the day when man will go to the moon and beyond. But the scientific gains from such a joint effort would offer, I believe, less realized returns than the gains for world peace. For a cooperative Soviet-American effort in space science and exploration would emphasize the interests that must unite us, rather than those that always divide us. It offers us an area in which the stale and sterile dogmas of the cold war could be literally left a quarter of a million miles behind. And it would remind us on both sides that knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future--that knowledge transcends national antagonisms--that it speaks a universal language--that it is the possession not of a single class, or of a single nation or a single ideology, but of all mankind.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.
* I sometimes think that we are too much impressed by the clamor of daily events. The newspaper headlines and the television screens give us a short view. They so flood us with the stop-press details of daily stories that we lose sight of one of the great movements of history. Yet '''it is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.
* There are those who regard this history of past strife and exile as better forgotten. But, to use the phrase of [[William Butler Yeats|Yeats]], let us not casually reduce "that great past to a trouble of fools." For '''we need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland ([[28 June]] [[1963]])
* You know, you read about the future. You can't help that. I don't look upon the future. I am not a politician. '''I am not worried about the future at all. I don't like to run it down. I don't like to think of it being too dark because I expect to spend all the rest of my life there and I don't want to have a nasty end to it.'''
** [[Charles Kettering]], "Mr. Kettering's Talk", ''News and Views'', General Motors Acceptance Corporation, General Exchange Insurance Corporation, Motors Insurance Corporation, 1936, [https://books.google.com/books?id=G2hEAAAAIAAJ&dq=%22the+rest+of+my+life+there%22 p. 46]
** Variants:
*** I object to people running down the future. I am going to live all the rest of my life there, and I would like it to be a nice place, polished, bright, glistening, and glorious.
**** Quoted in ''Professional Amateur: The Biography of Charles Franklin Kettering'', by T. A. Boyd 1957, pp. 3–4 ([https://archive.org/stream/professionalamat013190mbp/professionalamat013190mbp_djvu.txt Internet Archive], [https://books.google.com/books?id=42Ohg0wKaWsC&pg=PA4&dq=%22I+object+to+people+running+down+the+future%22 Google Books])
*** My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
**** Common, since 1947; example: ''Instruments and Control Systems'', Volume 20, 1947, [https://books.google.com/books?id=gBonAAAAMAAJ&q=%22my+interest+is+in+the+future+because+i+am+going+to+spend+the+rest+of+my+life+there%22+kettering p. 374]
* '''But this long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.'''
** [[John Maynard Keynes]], ''A Tract on Monetary Reform'' (1923), chapter 3, p. 80.
* The future: a dark, desolate world. A world of war, suffering, loss on both sides. Mutants, and the humans who dared to help them, fighting an enemy we cannot defeat. '''Are we''' destined down this path, '''destined to destroy ourselves like so many species before us? Or can we evolve fast enough to change ourselves... change our fate? Is the future truly set?''' The past: a new and uncertain world. A world of endless possibilities and infinite outcomes. '''Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment, a moment in the ripple of time. Enough ripple, and you change the tide... for the future is never truly set.'''
** Prof. Charles Xavier/Professor X (played by Patrick Stewart, ''[[w:X-Men: Days of Future Past|X-Men: Days of Future Past]]'' (2014), screenplay by Simon Kinberg
==L==
* Every feeling that looks to the future elevates human nature; for life is never so low or so little as when it concentrates itself on the present. The miserable wants, the small desires, and the petty pleasures of daily existence have nothing in common with those mighty dreams which, looking forward for action and action's reward, redeem the earth over which they walk with steps like those of an angel, beneath which spring up glorious and immortal flowers. The imagination is man's noblest and most spiritual faculty ; and that ever dwells on the to-come.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]] ''Francesca Carrara'' (1834), Vol III, page 161
* Not to the present is our hour confined,<br>The great and shadowy future is assigned<br>To be the glorious empire of the mind.<br><br>The past was once the future, and it wrought<br>In the high presence of on-looking thought ;<br>All that we have, was by its efforts brought.<br><br>To-day creates to-morrow, and the tree<br>Of good or ill grows in past hours, what we<br>Make for the future — certain is to be.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''[[Ethel Churchill (or The Two Brides)]]'' (1838), Vol III. Chapter 8
* Two things make the future [[real]], the [[artist]]'s [[imagination]] and the [[worker]]'s [[hope]]. [[Fascism]] [[destroys]] both.
** [[John Langdon-Davies]], {{cite book |title=Authors Take Sides on the Spanish War |date=1937 |publisher=Left Review |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=qD0gAQAAMAAJ&q=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&dq=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&hl=es-419&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjK5Y_3h43qAhVOI7kGHf1GBVQQ6AEIJzAA}}. Quoted in {{cite book |last1=Buchanan |first1=Tom |title=Britain and the Spanish Civil War |date=1997 |publisher=Cambridge University Press |isbn=978-0-521-45569-5 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=eDlPTZNYXIUC&pg=PA32 |page=32}}
* '''With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured.'''
** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [[s:Abraham_Lincoln's_Second_Inaugural_Address|Second Inaugural Address (4 March 1865)]]
* Yet this corporate being, though so insubstantial to our senses, binds, in Burke's words, a man to his country with "ties which though light as air, are as strong as links of iron." That is why young men die in battle for their country's sake and why old men plant trees they will never sit under.
** [[Walter Lippmann]], ''Essays in the Public Philosophy'' (1955), chapter 3, part 2, p. 36. The quotation is from Edmund Burke's speech on "Conciliation with America" (1775).
* '''The more you observe life in relation to yourself the more you will see the fact that you are hardly ever correct when you think about something in the future. The future exists only in imagination; and that is why, no matter how hard you try to imagine it, you will not be able to predict the future with total certainty.'''
** [[Barry Long]], ''[http://koti.welho.com/walkusko/archive/other/bl.html Knowing Yourself: The True in the False]'' (Barry Long Books, 1996).
* '''Look not mournfully into the Past; it comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present; it is thine.<br> Go forth to meet the shadowy Future without fear and with a manly heart.'''
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Hyperion'' (1839).
* We are making the future as well as bonding to survive the enormous pressures of the present, and that is what it means to be a part of history.
** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}}
===''Some Glimpses of Occultism: Ancient and Modern'', [[C.W. Leadbeater]] (1903)===
:<small> ''[https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.128004 (full text online multiple formats) ]'' </small>
[[File:Charles Webster Leadbeater.014.jpg|thumb|There is a very real and imminent danger... which threatens us. The only thing that can prevent it is the diffusion of knowledge... nothing can ever be good for one which is against the interests of the whole. ~ [[Charles Webster Leadbeater]]]]
====Chapter XII, The Future of Humanity====
* The subject of the future that lies before humanity may obviously be treated in various ways; perhaps the simplest division which we can make is to speak first of the immediate future, then of the remoter future, then of the final goal. Both the immediate and the remoter future may be to some extent a matter of speculation, or perhaps we should rather say of calculation; but the final goal we know with absolute certainty, and that is the only thing which is really of importance. Still it is well that we should try to look forward a little, so that we who are units in this great mass of humanity may be able to take our part intelligently in the evolution which we see to be progressing all round us.
* The conditions of the near future must naturally develop from those which we see today; and I think that as we look about us, unless we are terribly prejudiced, we must admit that in spite of our boasted civilization there is very much which is highly unsatisfactory. p. 324
* Then the great question of government is also in an unsatisfactorv condition; for I think all will agree that there is no country in the world which is governed, as every country in the world ought to be, solely with regard to the interests and advancement of the people who are governed. On the contrary we find everywhere personal and party considerations, and matters are in such condition that even the wisest and the best of our statesmen cannot do many things which they wish to do, and find themselves forced into many actions of which in truth they do not approve. p. 326
* All of these difficulties arise from ignorance and selfishness. If men understood the plan of evolution, instead of working each for his own personal ends they would all join together as a community and work harmoniously for the good of all with mutual tolerance and forbearance. It is obvious that if this were done all of these evils would almost immediately cease or at any rate could very shortly be removed. p. 326
* Every day a greater number of people are beginning to understand to some extent and to strive towards a better and more rational condition of affairs. There are many societies and associations which have for their object the amelioration of the condition of humanity Some of them begin at one end and some at the other, each approaches it from his own point of view and with his own set of remedies, but at least they are striving towards that development of unselfishness which is the only true solution of all our difficulties.
* Our own [[Theosophical Society]]... is striving to help humanity It has no connection with any form of politics, and it is not trying to act directly in any way with regard to social conditions, its effort is rather to dispel ignorance, to put before men the truth about life and death, to show them why they are here and what lessons they have to learn and so to bring them to understand and to realize the great truth of the brotherhood of man.
* Never was there a greater need for the diffusion of [[knowledge]], for in the present ignorance of men there is a very real and imminent danger. We have in the immediate future the possibility of serious struggle; we have all the elements of a possible social upheaval, and we have no religion with sufficient hold upon the people to check what may develop into a wild and dangerous movement.
* As yet [[philosophy]] is the study of the very few only, and the science which has done so much for us, and has achieved so many triumphs, cannot stay the danger which threatens us. The only thing that can prevent it is the diffusion of knowledge, so that men shall understand what is really best for them and shall realize that nothing can ever be good for one which is against the interests of the whole. p. 333
* Our religious friends argue much about heaven and hell and are terribly afraid of the latter indeed it would sometimes almost seem as though they were afraid of the former as well, from the manner in which they exert themselves to avoid going there/ In the future no questions or disputes about these conditions will be possible, because man will see for himself that there is no hell, though he will also see very clearly that those who live an evil life are by that fact storing up for themselves very undesirable results and a very unpleasant time in the astral life. The glories of the heaven world will also be open to his sight, and he will realize that man needs only a development of faculty in order to place him at once, here and now, in the midst of all the bliss that that wondrous life can give.
* What a change will come over our conceptions of art and music also for the artist of that day there will be many more colors and many more shades of color than those of which we now know, for the knowledge of the higher planes brings as one of its earliest results the power of appreciating all these different hues. The music of that day will be accompanied by color, just as the color studies will be accompanied by harmonious sound; for sound and color are simply two aspects of every ordered motion, so that a magnificent piece played upon the organ will be accompanied by a splendid display of glowing color, and thus another interest will be added to the delight of glorious music, and an additional advantage will in this way be enjoyed by the students of music and art. p. 344
* A great change too will come over the power side of man’s development; the whole question of government and organization will stand upon a different basis. Men will see then vividly and clearly the effect upon the astral plane of many of their actions upon the physical, and thus much that is now done thoughtlessly will become an absolute impossibility There could be no possibility of the slaughter of animals for food, for example, if only men were able to see the results upon the astral plane which that slaughter produces. The crime which men call sport would be utterly abolished if they were able to see what it is that they are really doing. It needs so slight a development to change the whole face of this which we call civilization, and to change it very much for the better. p. 345
== M ==
* The future survives because people care. Live responsibly or die.
** [[Lisa Mason]], ''The Golden Nineties'' (1995), <small> ISBN 0-553-57307-1 </small> p. 168
* The first man—the Master—raised his goblet in a mocking toast. “To the future,” he said. “It’s on its way now, whether we’re prepared or not.”
** [[Seanan McGuire]], ''Down Among the Sticks and Bones,'' (2017, {{ISBN|978-0-76539-2-039}}), p. 81
* Dynamic systems studies usually are not designed to ''predict'' what will happen. Rather, they're designed to explore ''what would happen'', if a number of driving factors unfold in a range of different ways.
** [[Donella Meadows]], ''[[Donella Meadows#Thinking in Systems: A Primer (2008)|Thinking in Systems: A Primer]]'', Chelsea Green Publishing, 2008, page 46 (ISBN 9781603580557).
* The future's uncertain and the end is always near ...
** [[Jim Morrison]], lead singer and lyricist of [[w:The Doors|The Doors]], "[[w:Roadhouse Blues|Roadhouse Blues]], on the album ''[[w:Morrison Hotel|Morrison Hotel]]'' (1970)
* People have always had this craving to know the future. You know, the king used to hire the [[magician]] or the forecaster and he'd look in sheep guts, or something, for an answer as to handle the next war. And so there has always been a [[market]] for people who purported to know the future based on their expertise. And there's a lot of that still going on — it's just as crazy as when the king was hiring the forecaster who looked at the sheep guts. And people have an economic incentive to sell some nostrum — it can be sold over and over again.
** [[Charlie Munger]], {{cite journal|title=Warren Buffett: 2004 Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting Part 1|date=August 2, 2018|journal=Hioim, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cayxcPyQoAc}} (quote at 1:47:18 of 2:33:25)
== N ==
[[File:Jawaharlal Nehru signing Indian Constitution.jpg|thumb|right|The past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now. ~ [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] ]]
* If someone who knew the future, pointed out a child to you and told you that that child would grow up totally evil, to be a ruthless dictator who would destroy millions of lives... could you then kill that child?
** [[Fourth Doctor]], [[Doctor Who]], "Genesis of the Daleks" written by Terry Nation
* "The future," as [[George Soros]], the financier and philanthropist once observed, "is not only unknown: it is unknowable." Given that, it seemed like a good idea to take [[Neil Postman]]’s [[Neil_Postman#Amusing_Ourselves_to_Death:_Public_Discourse_in_the_Age_of_Show_Business_(1985)|two extremes]] to see how our networked future might unfold. Which kind of future—the [[Orwell]]ian or the [[Aldous Huxley|Huxley]]ean—seems more plausible? Postman thought that the two were mutually exclusive: humanity might have one or the other. But an even [[w:gloom|gloomier]] conclusion is that we might wind up with both.
** [[w:John Naughton|John Naughton]] in: ''From Gutenberg to Zuckerberg: Disruptive Innovation in the Age of the Internet'', Quercus, 2014, Chapter 9, page 231 (ISBN 9781623650629)
* The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. '''Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future?''' [...] Nevertheless '''the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now.'''
** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], [[w:Tryst with Destiny|Tryst with Destiny]] speech (August 14, 1947)
==O==
* Our immediate task, however, is the critical work of confronting [[w:2008–2012 global recession|the economic crisis]]. As I've said, we've passed through an era of profound irresponsibility; now we cannot afford half-measures, and we cannot go back to the kind of risk-taking that leads to bubbles that inevitably bust. So '''we have a choice. We can shape our future, or let events shape it for us. And if we want to succeed, we can't fall back on the stale debates and old divides that won't move us forward.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=85953&st=&st1= Barack Obama: "The President's News Conference With Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom in London, England," April 1, 2009. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project].
* '''Don’t shortchange the future, because of fear in the present.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=85953&st=&st1= Barack Obama: "The President's News Conference With Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom in London, England," April 1, 2009. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project].
* '''We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], In a speech to joint session of Congress, (September. 9, 2009).
* '''If we don’t care about our past we can’t have very much hope for our future.'''
** [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]], press conference held at the [[w:Grand Central Terminal|Grand Central Terminal]]’s famous [[w:Grand Central Oyster Bar & Restaurant|Oyster Bar]] in 1975 in [[New York City]]. Source: Angela Serratore (June 26, 2018 ): ''History: The Preservation Battle of Grand Central''. In: Smithsonian Magazine. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240109190220/https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/preservation-battle-grand-central-180969446/ Archived] [https://archive.is/zvtoR from] [https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/preservation-battle-grand-central-180969446/ the original] on January 9, 2023.
* Can omniscient God, who<br>Knows the future, find<br>The Omnipotence to<br> Change His future mind?
**[[w:Karen Owens|Karen Owens]] in: ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=yq1xDpicghkC&pg=PA101 The God Delusion]'', Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Jan 16, 2008, p. 101.
==P==
* '''The past and future are veiled; but the past wears the widow's veil; the future, the virgin's.'''
** [[Jean Paul]], as quoted in ''Treasury of Thought'' (1872) by Maturin M. Ballou, p. 521.
* '''I prefer to look on the [[future]] as something which is not written in stone.''' A lot of things can happen in 25 years.
** [[Jean-Luc Picard]] (played by [[Patrick Stewart]] in the ''[[w:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]" (23 May 1994) by [[w:Brannon Braga|Brannon Braga]] and [[w:Ronald D. Moore|Ronald D. Moore]]
* '''The past is written, but the future is left for us to write, and we have powerful tools''', Rios''': openness, optimism, and the spirit of curiosity. All they have is secrecy, and fear, and fear is the great destroyer''', Rios'''.'''
** [[Jean-Luc Picard]] (played by [[Patrick Stewart]] in the ''[[w:Star Trek: Picard|Star Trek: Picard]]'' episode Broken Pieces (March 12, 2020) written by [[w:Michael Chabon|Michael Chabon]]
*It is by imagining what we truly desire that we begin to go there. That is the kind of thinking about the future that seems to me most fruitful, most rewarding. I want a future in which women are not punished for having women's bodies, are not punished for desire or the lack of it, are viewed as independent protagonists in their own adventures-spiritual, intellectual, romantic, sexual, and creative adventures. That's one reason I read and write [[speculative fiction]].
**[[Marge Piercy]] "WHY SPECULATE ON THE FUTURE?" in ''My Life, My Body'' (2015)
* Whenever the rate of return on capital is significantly and durably higher than the growth rate of the economy, it is all but inevitable that inheritance (of fortunes accumulated in the past) predominates over saving (wealth accumulated in the present). ... The inequality r > g in one sense implies that the past tends to devour the future: wealth originating in the past automatically grows more rapidly, even without labor, than wealth stemming from work, which can be saved. Almost inevitably, this tends to give lasting disproportionate importance to inequalities created in the past, and therefore to inheritance.
** [[Thomas Piketty]], ''[[w:Capital in the Twenty-First Century|Capital in the Twenty-First Century]]'' (2013), p. 377.
* We have no right to assume that any physical laws exist, or if they have existed up until now, that they will continue to exist in a similar manner in the future.
** [[Max Planck]], ''The Universe in the Light of Modern Physics'' (1931).
* {{smallcaps|There’s no better present than a future.}}
** [[Terry Pratchett]], ''[[w:Hogfather|Hogfather]]'' (1996), p. 168 <small>({{ISBN|978-0-06-105905-6}})</small>
==Q==
* The future is much like the present, only longer.
** {{w|Dan Quisenberry}}, as quoted by Stephen Lilley, ''Transhumanism and Society : the Social Debate over Human Enhancement'' (2013) p. 24.
==R==
* '''We must discipline ourselves to convert dreams into plans, and plans into goals, and goals into those small daily activities that will lead us, one sure step at a time, toward a better future.'''
**Jim Rohn, ''Five Major Pieces To the Life Puzzle'' (1991).
* '''We face the future fortified with the lessons we have learned from the past. It is today that we must create the world of the future.''' [[Spinoza]], I think, pointed out that we ourselves can make experience valuable when, by imagination and reason, we turn it into foresight.
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], ''Tomorrow Is Now'' (1963), p. xv
* What we must learn to do is to create unbreakable bonds between the sciences and the humanities. '''We cannot procrastinate. The world of the future is in our making. Tomorrow is now.'''
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], ''Tomorrow Is Now'' (1963), p. 134
* '''The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.'''
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], as quoted in Leonard C. Schlup and Donald W. Whisenhunt, ''It Seems to Me: Selected Letters of Eleanor Roosevelt'' (2001), p. 2.
* '''To bring together the records of the past and to house them in buildings where they will be preserved for the use of men and women in the future, a Nation must believe in three things. It must believe in the past. It must believe in the future. It must, above all, believe in the capacity of its own people so to learn from the past that they can gain in judgment in creating their own future.'''
** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], Remarks at the Dedication of the Franklin D. Roosevelt Library at Hyde Park, New York, United States of America (June 30, 1941). [https://web.archive.org/web/20120531110501/http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/php63041.html Archived] from [http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/php63041.html the original] on January 30, 2021.
* '''The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.'''
** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]]. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1944–45'' (1950), p. 616, which states: "This is the latest draft of the President's proposed speech [for Jefferson Day, April 13, 1945]. The last sentence [quoted above] was written into the typed draft in his own hand. The draft was not the final one; the preparation of the final draft was prevented by death."
* Having granted the excellence of these maxims, I come to certain points in which I do not believe that one can grant either the superlative wisdom or the superlative goodness of Christ as depicted in the Gospels... there one does find some things that do not seem to be very wise. For one thing, he certainly thought that His second coming would occur in clouds of glory before the death of all the people who were living at that time. There are a great many texts that prove that. He says, for instance, "Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel till the Son of Man be come." Then he says, "There are some standing here which shall not taste death till the Son of Man comes into His kingdom"; and there are a lot of places where '''it is quite clear that He believed that His second coming would happen during the lifetime of many then living.''' That was the belief of His earlier followers, and it was the basis of a good deal of His moral teaching. When He said, "Take no thought for the morrow," and things of that sort, it was very largely because He thought that the second coming was going to be very soon, and that all ordinary mundane affairs did not count. I have, as a matter of fact, known some Christians who did believe that the second coming was imminent. I knew a parson who frightened his congregation terribly by telling them that the second coming was very imminent indeed, but they were much consoled when they found that he was planting trees in his garden. The early Christians did really believe it, and they did abstain from such things as planting trees in their gardens, because they did accept from Christ the belief that the second coming was imminent. '''In that respect, clearly He was not so wise as some other people have been, and He was certainly not superlatively wise.'''
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Why I am not a Christian'' (1927), "Defects in Christ's Teaching".
==S==
* '''I am interested in a phase that I think we are entering. I call it "[[teleological]] evolution," evolution with a purpose.''' The idea of evolution by design, designing the future, anticipating the future. I think of the need for more [[wisdom]] in the world, to deal with the knowledge that we have. '''At one time we had [[wisdom]], but little knowledge. Now we have a great deal of knowledge, but do we have enough wisdom to deal with that knowledge?'''
** [[Jonas Salk]], in [http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/printmember/sal0int-1 Academy of Achievement interview, in San Diego, California (16 May 1991)]
* If you can look into the seeds of time, <br /> And say which grain will grow and which will not; <br /> Speak then to me.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'', Act I, Sc. 3, L. 58.
* To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]''.
* From now on, everything in life will appear blurry to me. What’s the point of wiping my glasses when my vision has already left me?
** [[Sanu Sharma]], ''Pari''
* The possible future is not just longer than the past. It is ''unimaginably'' longer.
** [[Charles Sheffield]], ''Something for Nothing'' in ''[[w:Charles Sheffield|Dancing with Myself]]'' (1993), <small> {{ISBN|0-671-72185-2}}, </small> p. 363
* "So you've been over into Russia?" said Bernard Baruch, and I answered very literally, "I have been over into the future and it works."
** [[Lincoln Steffens]], ''The Autobiography of Lincoln Steffens'' (1931, reprinted 1958), vol. 2, chapter 18, p. 799. Steffens had made his second trip to Russia in 1919, as part of a mission sent by President Woodrow Wilson.
* With the way the world’s going a nuclear Iran is going to be the least of our problems in 10 or 15 years. Iranian nukes will be a break from swimming through our climate-change flooded cities fighting ebola zombies with our teeth because we can’t hold guns thanks to our iPhone-shaped hand tumors.
** [[Jon Stewart]] ''The Daily Show'' July 21st 2015
* '''We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the [[present]].'''
** [[Adlai Stevenson]], Speech, Richmond, Virginia (20 September 1952).
*....another vision, where water still curled on the sandy beach beneath a clear blue sky where birds flew, but their patterns were mathematics precise beyond his comprehension. A man walked between buildings that were perfect, and empty. He turned to look at Rudi for an instant and where his eyes should have been were silvery tendrils that waved and sought.
**[[S. M. Stirling]], ''[[w:The Sword of the Lady|The Sword of the Lady]]''
* '''Is it so bad to pause the future to appreciate the past?''' </br> [...] </br> Is it so bad to shut the door and just accept we can't go back?
** [[w:SZA|SZA]], [[w:Save the Day (SZA song)|Save the Day]] (February 20, 2026), from the album ''[[w:Hoppers_(film)#Music|Hoppers (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack]])''
==T==
* ...'''stop haunting your past and try to drop in on the future.'''
** [[w:Tabucchi|Antonio Tabucchi]]. ''Pereira Maintains'', p. 146.
* This is really odd that [[economists]] are expected to [[predict]] the future, because no on expect other people in other [[disciplines]] to predict the future. Nobody says to the biologists: What is the next stage in [[evolution]]? If you can't expect the next stage in evolution... well I guess [[biology]] just isn't a [[science]] and, that no one should [[listen]] to you. Nobody says to the [[political scientist]]: Well... you know, who is going to win the next [[election]]? If you can't tell me now, then I guess, you know, political science does not mean anything. But somehow economics takes this burden, that people in economics are supposed to be able to forecast the future.
** Timothy Taylor, in ''Economics, 3rd Edition (The Great Courses)'' (2008), Chapter 1: "How Economists Think."
* '''The future has taken root in the present.'''
** Kryptonian spaceship, [[Zack Snyder's Justice League]] (2021), Written by [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]]. As quoted in: Adam Chitwood (May 28, 2023): Cyborg’s Vision in ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’ Showed Us What Could've Been in the DCU. In: [[w:Collider (website)|collider.com]]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20231210114815/https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ Archived] [https://archive.is/NtTxw from] [https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ the original] on December 12, 2023. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo&t=4m15s The end] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo Superman Resurrection | Zack Snyder's Justice League [4k, HDR] ]" (28.10.2021) by user "Flashback FM".
* '''Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine'''.
** [[Nikola Tesla]], On patent controversies regarding the [[w:Invention of radio|invention of Radio]] and other things, as quoted in "A Visit to Nikola Tesla" by Dragislav L. Petković in ''Politika'' (April 1927);<!-- Perhaps from an interview in January 1927 --> as quoted in ''Tesla, Master of Lightning'' (1999) by Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, p. 73 <!-- Barnes & Noble Publishing --> <small> {{ISBN|0760710058}} </small> ; also in ''Tesla: Man Out of Time'' (2001) by Margaret Cheney, p. 230 <!-- Simon and Schuster --><small> {{ISBN|0743215362}} </small>.
* I have obtained... spark discharges extending through more than one hundred feet and carrying currents of one thousand amperes, electromotive forces approximating twenty million volts, chemically active streamers covering areas of several thousand square feet, and electrical disturbances in the natural media ''surpassing'' those caused by lightning, in intensity.<br> '''Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. With the opening of the first power plant, incredulity will give way to wonderment, and this to ingratitude, as ever before.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], [http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1905-01-07.htm "The Transmission of Electrical Energy Without Wires as a Means for Furthering Peace"] in Electrical World and Engineer (7 January 1905) .<!-- pp. 21–24 -->
* '''The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up. His work is like that of the planter — for the future. His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way. He lives and labors and hopes.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], "Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World" in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934).
* '''The future is too interesting and [[dangerous]] to be [[entrusted]] to any predictable, reliable agency.''' We [[need]] all the fallibility we can get. Most of all, we need to preserve the [[absolute]] unpredictability and total improbability of our [[connected]] [[minds]]. That way we can keep open all the [[options]], as we have in the [[past]].
** [[Lewis Thomas]], ''[[Lewis Thomas#The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (1974)|The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher]]'', "Computers, p. 113 (1974)
* Man remains in the end what he started as in the beginning: a biosystem with a limited capacity for change. When this capacity is overwhelmed, the consequence is future shock.
** [[Alvin Toffler]], ''Future Shock'' (1970), Chapter 15.
[[File:Rembrandt - A Scholar in his Study - NG.M.01365.jpg|thumb|A state of consciousness totally free of all negativity ... is the liberated state to which all spiritual teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and now. ~ [[Eckhart Tolle]]]]
[[File:Van Gogh 10.jpg|thumb|To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the [[Now|present moment]] and allow it to be. ~ [[Eckhart Tolle]]]]
* '''What we now want most is closer contact and better [[understanding]] between [[individuals]] and [[communities]] all over the [[earth]] and the elimination of that fanatic devotion to exalted ideals of [[national]] [[egoism]] and [[pride]], which is always prone to plunge the world into primeval barbarism and strife.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], in ''[[w:My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla|My Inventions]]'' (1919)
* '''Hope keeps you focused on the future, and this continued focus perpetuates your denial of the [[Now]] and therefore your unhappiness.'''
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* A state of [[consciousness]] totally free of all negativity ... is the liberated state to which all [[spiritual]] teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and [[now]].
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* Whereas before you dwelt in time and paid brief visits to the [[Now]], have your dwelling place in the Now and pay brief visits to past and future.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* The moment your attention turns to the Now, you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fulfillment and satisfaction - you don’t look to it for salvation.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''The Power of Now'' (1997)
* Awakening as a future event has no meaning because awakening is the realization of Presence. So the new heaven, the awakened consciousness, is not a future state to be achieved. A new heaven and a new earth are arising within you at this moment, and if they are not arising at this moment, they are no more than a thought in your head and therefore not arising at all.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose,'' (2005)
* Be it even over our bleaching bones the truth will triumph! We will blaze the trail for it. It will conquer! Under all the severe blows of fate, I shall be happy as in the best days of my youth! Because, my friends, '''the highest human happiness is not the exploitation of the present but the preparation of the future.'''
** [[Leon Trotsky]], '[https://www.marxists.org/archive/trotsky/1937/09/life.htm I Stake My Life]', opening telephone address to the N.Y. Hippodrome Meeting for the opening event of the [[w:Dewey Commission|Dewey Commission]] on the Moscow Trial (February 9, 1937)
==W==
* '''Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!<br>Let the dead Past bury its dead!<br>Act, act in the living present!<br>Heart within, and God o'erhead!'''
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''[[wikisource:A Psalm of Life|A Psalm of Life]]'' (1839), St. 6.
* "The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present"
** [[Bill Watterson]], ''[[w:Calvin and Hobbes|Calvin and Hobbes]]'' (1985)
* The nation is burdened with the heavy curse on those who come afterwards. The generation before us was inspired by an activism and a naive enthusiasm, which we cannot rekindle, because we confront tasks of a different kind from those which our fathers faced.
** [[Max Weber]], address to convention of the Verein für Socialpolitik, Germany, 1893; reported in Reinhard Bendix, ''Max Weber'' (1960), p. 53.
* You can't fuck the future. The future fucks you! It catches up with you and it fucks you if you ain't planned for it!
** [[Norman Wexler]], through the main character Tony Manero in the motion picture ''[[Saturday Night Fever]]'' (1978).
* '''My visions of the [[future]] are always pretty much standard issue. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer... and there are flying cars.'''
** [[Joss Whedon]] ''TV Guide'' (27 December – 2 January 2004), and Foreword to ''Fray''
* '''It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits of science that it equips the future for its duties.'''
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''Science and the Modern World'' (1925), Ch. 13: Requisites for Social Progress.
* '''My clients are the children; my clients are the next generation.''' They do not know what promises and bonds I undertook when I ordered the armies of the United States to the soil of France, but I know, and '''I intend to redeem my pledges to the children; they shall not be sent upon a similar errand.'''
** [[Woodrow Wilson]], address in Pueblo, Colorado (September 25, 1919); reported in Albert Shaw, ed., ''The Messages and Papers of Woodrow Wilson'' (1924), vol. 2, p. 1127.
==X==
* '''Education is an important element in the struggle for human rights. It is the means to help our children and our people rediscover their identity and thereby increase their self respect. Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs only to the people who prepare for it today.'''
** [[Malcolm X]], Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary: Speeches, Interviews, and a Letter'' (1970).
* '''Armed with the knowledge of our past, we can with confidence charter a course for our future.''' Culture is an indispensable weapon in the freedom struggle. '''We must''' take hold of it and '''forge the future with the past.'''
** [[Malcolm X]], Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary: Speeches, Interviews, and a Letter'' (1970).
==Z==
* '''To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives.''' If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places — and there are so many — where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. '''The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.'''
** [[Howard Zinn]], ''A Power Governments Cannot Suppress'', p. 270.
==''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''==
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 304-06.</small>
* That what will come, and must come, shall come well.
** [[Edwin Arnold]], ''Light of Asia'' (1879), Book VI, line 274.
* Making all futures fruits of all the pasts.
** [[Edwin Arnold]], ''Light of Asia'' (1879), Book V, line 432.
* Some day Love shall claim his own<br>Some day Right ascend his throne,<br>Some day hidden Truth be known;<br>Some day—some sweet day.
** [[Lewis J. Bates]], ''Some Sweet Day''.
* The year goes wrong, and tares grow strong,<br> Hope starves without a crumb;<br>But God's time is our harvest time,<br> And that is sure to come.
** [[Lewis J. Bates]], ''Our Better Day''.
* Dear Land to which Desire forever flees;<br> Time doth no present to our grasp allow,<br>Say in the fixed Eternal shall we seize<br> At last the fleeting Now?
** [[Edward Bulwer-Lytton]], ''Corn Flowers'', Book I. The First Violets.
* You can never plan the future by the past.
** [[Edmund Burke]], letter to a Member of the National Assembly, Volume IV, p. 55.
* With mortal crisis doth portend,<br>My days to appropinque an end.
** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'' (1664), Part I, Canto III, line 589.
* 'Tis the sunset of life gives me mystical lore,<br>And coming events cast their shadows before.
** [[Thomas Campbell]], ''Lochiel's Warning''.
* ''Certis rebus certa signa præcurrunt.''
** Certain signs precede certain events.
** [[Cicero]], ''De Divinatione'', I. 52.
* So often do the spirits<br>Of great events stride on before the events,<br>And in to-day already walks to-morrow.
** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Death of Wallenstein'', Act V, scene 1.
* There shall be no more snow<br>No weary noontide heat,<br>So we lift our trusting eyes<br>From the hills our Fathers trod:<br>To the quiet of the skies:<br>To the Sabbath of our God.
** [[Felicia Hemans]], ''Evening Song of the Tyrolese Peasants''.
* ''Quid sit futurum cras, fuge quærere: et''
''Quem Fors dierum cunque dabit, lucro<br>Appone.''
** Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and to take as a gift whatever the day brings forth.
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', I. 9. 13.
* ''Prudens futuri temporis exitum<br>Caliginosa nocte premit deus.''
** A wise God shrouds the future in obscure darkness.
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', III. 29. 29.
* You'll see that, since our fate is ruled by chance,<br> Each man, unknowing, great,<br>Should frame life so that at some future hour<br> Fact and his dreamings meet.
** [[Victor Hugo]], ''To His Orphan Grandchildren''.
* With whom there is no place of toil, no burning heat, no piercing cold, nor any briars there … this place we call the Bosom of Abraham.
** [[Josephus]], ''Discourse to the Greeks concerning Hades''. Homer, ''Odyssey'', VI. 42.
* When Earth's last picture is painted, and the tubes are twisted and dried,<br>When the oldest colours have faded, and the youngest critic has died,<br>We shall rest, and faith, we shall need it—lie down for an æon or two,<br>Till the Master of All Good Workmen shall set us to work anew.
** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''When Earth's Last Picture Is Painted''.
* ''Le présent est gros de l'avenir.''
** The present is big with the future.
** Leibnitz.
* Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!<br> Let the dead Past bury its dead!
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''A Psalm of Life''.
* There's a good time coming, boys;<br> A good time coming:<br>We may not live to see the day,<br>But earth shall glisten in the ray<br> Of the good time coming.<br>Cannon-balls may aid the truth,<br> But thought's a weapon stronger;<br>We'll win our battle by its aid,<br> Wait a little longer.
** [[Charles Mackay]], ''The Good Time Coming''.
* '''The future is a world limited by ourselves'''; in it we discover only what concerns us and, sometimes, by chance, what interests those whom we love the most.
** [[Maurice Maeterlinck]], ''Joyzelle'', Act I.
* Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
** Matthew, VI. 34.
* '''The wave of the future is coming and there is no fighting it.'''
** [[Anne Morrow Lindbergh]], ''The Wave of the Future'' (1940).
* The never-ending flight<br>Of future days.
** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 221.
* There was the Door to which I found no key;<br>There was the Veil through which I might not see.
** [[Omar Khayyam]], ''[[Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam]]'' (1120), Stanza 32. (Later ed.) FitzGerald's translation.
* ''Venator sequitur fugientia; capta relinquit;<br>Semper et inventis ulteriora petit.''
** The hunter follows things which flee from him; he leaves them when they are taken; and ever seeks for that which is beyond what he has found.
** [[Ovid]], ''Amorum'' (16 BC), Book II. 9. 9.
* ''Ludit in humanis divina potentia rebus,<br>Et certam præsens vix habet hora fidem.''
** Heaven makes sport of human affairs, and the present hour gives no sure promise of the next.
** [[Ovid]], ''Epistolæ Ex Ponto'', IV. 3. 49.
* ''Nos duo turba sumus.''
** We two [Deucalion and Pyrrha, after the deluge] form a multitude.
** [[Ovid]], ''Metamorphoses'', I. 355.
* ''Après nous le déluge.''
** After us the deluge.
** Mme. Pompadour. After the battle of Rossbach. See Larousse, ''Fleurs Historiques''. Madame de Hausset, ''Memoirs''. (Ed. 1824), p. 19. Also attributed to Louis XV by the French. Compare Cicero, ''De Finibus'', XI. 16.
* Oh, blindness to the future! kindly giv'n,<br>That each may fill the circle mark'd by heaven.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''An Essay on Man'' (1733-34), Epistle I, line 85.
* In adamantine chains shall Death be bound,<br>And Hell's grim tyrant feel th' eternal wound.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Messiah'', line 47.
* And better skilled in dark events to come.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''The Odyssey'', Book V. 219.
* ''Etwas fürchten und hoffen und sorgen,<br>Muss der Mensch für den kommenden Morgen.''
** Man must have some fears, hopes, and cares, for the coming morrow.
** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ''Die Braut von Messina''.
* But there's a gude time coming.
** [[Walter Scott]], ''Rob Roy'', Chapter XXXII.
* ''Calamitosus est animus futuri anxius.''
** The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistolæ Ad Lucilium'', XCVIII.
* How many ages hence<br>Shall this our lofty scene be acted over<br>In states unborn and accents yet unknown.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Julius Caesar (play)|Julius Cæsar]]'' (1599), Act III, scene 1, line 111.
* God, if Thy will be so,<br>Enrich the time to come with smooth-faced peace,<br>With smiling plenty and fair prosperous days!
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]'' (c. 1591), Act V, scene 5, line 32.
* ''Quid crastina volveret ætas,<br>Scire nefas homini.''
** Man is not allowed to know what will happen to-morrow.
** [[Statius]], ''Thebais'', III. 562.
* Could we but know<br>The land that ends our dark, uncertain travel.
** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Undiscovered Country''.
* When the Rudyards cease from Kipling<br> And the Haggards ride no more.
** [[J. K. Stephen]], ''Lapsus Calami''.
* When I am dead let the earth be dissolved in fire.
** Suetonius. Quoting Nero. Nero. 38. Quoted by Milton from Tiberius in his Church Government, Book I, Chapter V. Tiberius, quoting an unknown Greek poet. See note of Leutsch, Appendix II. 56, to Proverbs LVIII. 23. [[Euripides]], ''Fragment Inc. B'', XXVII.
* Till the sun grows cold,<br> And the stars are old,<br>And the leaves of the Judgment Book unfold.
** [[Bayard Taylor]], ''Bedouin Song''.
* ''Istuc est sapere, non quod ante pedes modo est<br>Videre, sed etiam illa, quæ futura sunt<br>Prospicere.''
** That is to be wise to see not merely that which lies before your feet, but to foresee even those things which are in the womb of futurity.
** [[Terence]], ''Adelphi'', III. 3. 32.
* I hear a voice you cannot hear,<br> Which says, I must not stay;<br>I see a hand you cannot see,<br> Which beckons me away.
** [[Thomas Tickell]], ''Colin and Lucy''.
* ''Dabit deus his quoque finem.''
** God will put an end to these also.
** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), I. 199.
{{misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
*'''Oogway''': ''' ''[[Yesterday]] is [[history]], [[tomorrow]] is a [[mystery]], but [[today]] is a [[gift]]. That is why it is called the "[[present]]".'' '''
** [[w:Jonathan Aibel|Jonathan Aibel]] and [[w:Glenn Berger|Glen Berger]], ''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'', (2008).
*** '''"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, Today is God's gift,''' that's why we call it the present." (Regarded as an "anonymous poem", in [[w:Joan Chittister|Joan Chittister]]'s ''Heart of Flesh'' (1998), p. 129; in ''Vital Issues: The Journal of African American Speeches'' (1998), Bethune-DuBois Publications, p. 27, and in [[w:Joan Rivers|Joan Rivers]]' "From Mother to Daughter" (1998), p. 30.)
*** '''"Yesterday may be History, Tomorrow is Mystery and Today is our Golden Opportunity!"''' (As quoted in H.S. Cheesbrough's ''Canada Lumberman,'' Volume 62 (1942), Southam-Maclean.
*** "Live today. '''The past is gone. Today is God's gift to us,''' whether it be a day of storm or sunshine. '''Tomorrow may never come,''' and that is immaterial." (From ''Friends' Intelligencer'', Volume 91, No.1-26 (1934), p. 21)
*** '''"Yesterday is history; to-morrow is merely a hope; to-day is the only absolute asset of time that is yours."''' From [[w:Frank Pixley|Frank Pixley]]'s ''Thoughts and Things'' (1912), in , Duffield & Company, p. 29.
{{misattributed end}}
==See also==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
* [[Age of Aquarius]]
* [[Futures studies]]
* [[Futurism]] (art movement)
* [[Incorrect predictions]]
* [[Kali Yuga]]
{{col-2}}
* [[Past]]
* [[Prediction]]
* [[Present]]
* [[Prophecy]]
* [[Puranas]]
* [[Vana Parva]]
* [[Time]]
{{col-end}}
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|future}}
[[Category:Time]]
[[Category:Future| ]]
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[[File:A_pen_on_paper.jpg|thumb|The past is written, but the future is left for us to write. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Einstein 1921 by F Schmutzer - restoration.jpg|thumb|From its past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the future. ~ Jewish intellectuals in The New York Times]]
[[File:L'Image et le Pouvoir - Buste cuirassé de Marc Aurèle agé - 3.jpg|thumb|right|Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. ~ [[Marcus Aurelius Antoninus]] ]]
The '''[[wikt:future|future]]''' is the period of time after the present, or the events that will occur in that time.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha|''[[#Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' · [[#Misattributed|Misattributed]]}}
[[File:Past and Present Number Two.jpg|thumb|Once you realize you deserve a bright future, letting go of your dark past is the best choice you will ever make. ~ Roy T. Bennett]]
[[File:Jerome Bixby 5409.jpg|thumb|One man cannot summon the future. ~ [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]] ]]
[[File:Bundesarchiv B 145 Bild-F057884-0009, Willy Brandt.jpg|thumb|Those who adhere to the [[past]] won't be able to cope with the future. ~ [[Willy Brandt]] ]]
[[File:William Bell Scott - Albrecht Duerer on the Balcony of his House.jpeg|thumb|Nothing we do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future. ~ [[Ashleigh Brilliant]] ]]
[[File:Robot Arm Over Earth with Sunburst - GPN-2000-001097.jpg|thumb|right|The future isn't written. It can be changed. You know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be. ~ Doc {{w|Emmett Brown}} (played by Christopher Lloyd) in [[w:Back to the Future Part III|Back to the Future Part III (1990)]] ]]
[[File:Edmund Burke statue by Matthew Bisanz.JPG|thumb|right|You can never plan the future by the past. ~ [[Edmund Burke]] ]]
[[File:Scarlet darter (Crocothemis erythraea) female Bulgaria.jpg|thumb|How we remember the past determines the shape of the future. ~ [[w:James Carroll (author)|James Carroll]] ]]
[[File:Sir Winston S Churchill.jpg|thumb|right|The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]]
[[File:Tunnels of Time.jpg|thumb|right|If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future. ~ [[Winston Churchill]] ]]
[[File:The_Last_of_the_Spirits-John_Leech%2C_1843.jpg|thumb|200px|Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. '''Are these the shadows of the things that ''will be'', or are they shadows of things that ''may be'' only?''' ~ [[Charles Dickens]]]]
[[File:JUL Iris Soul Palm.png|thumb|right|Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you -- be futurewise. ~ [[Patrick Dixon]] ]]
[[File:Sunrise.PNG|thumb|right|Your task is not to foresee the future, but to enable it. ~ [[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]] ]]
[[File:Vittore carpaccio, scuola degli albanesi, presentazione della vergine al tempio 01.jpg|thumb|right|It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing. ~ [[Robert Frost]] ]]
[[File:RWHollywoodBowl1-cover.JPG|thumb|right|The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented. ~ [[Dennis Gabor]] ]]
[[File:Jardin du Musee Rodin Paris Le Penseur 20050402 (02).jpg|thumb|right|If you don't think about the future, you cannot have one. ~ [[John Galsworthy]] ]]
[[File:Graffito of Emma Goldman in Montreal, Canada.jpg|thumb|right|To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone. ~ [[Emma Goldman]] ]]
[[File:William Ford Gibson.jpg|thumb|The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed. ~ [[William Gibson]] ]]
[[File:Pegasus Lequesne Palais Garnier.jpg|thumb|right|The greatest danger to our future is apathy. ~ [[Jane Goodall]] ]]
[[File:Electricsheep-3052.jpg|thumb|right|The future is not what is coming at us, but what we are headed for. ~ [[w:Jean-Marie Guyau|Jean-Marie Guyau]] ]]
[[File:RAHeinlein autographing Midamericon ddb-371-14.jpg|thumb|right|A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future. ~ [[Robert A. Heinlein]] ]]
[[File:RepublicanWoman1936GTaro.jpg|thumb|right|Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. ~ [[Ernest Hemingway]] ]]
[[File:Burning oil lamp.jpg|thumb|right|I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past. ~ [[Patrick Henry]] ]]
[[File:Robot_Arm_Over_Earth_with_Sunburst_-_GPN-2000-001097.jpg|thumb|right|In a [[time]] of drastic [[change]] it is the [[Learning|learners]] who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a [[world]] that no longer exists. ~ [[Eric Hoffer]] ]]
[[File:John de Lancie Photo Op GalaxyCon Richmond 2019.jpg|thumb|right|Why? Why, to give you a taste of your future, a preview of things to come. ~ [[w:Maurice Hurley|Maurice Hurley]] ]]
[[File:Double-alaskan-rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|Time is always moving on; nothing can stop it. We can’t change the past, but we can shape the future. The more compassionate you are, the more you will find inner peace. ~ [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]] ]]
[[File:Ritratto di papa Giovanni Paolo II (1984 – edited).jpg|thumb|Remember the past with gratitude, live the present with enthusiasm and look forward to the future with confidence. ~ [[Pope John Paul II]] ]]
[[File:Bloody Sunday-Alabama police attack.jpeg|thumb|Those who appeal to you to hold on to the past do so at the cost of denying you your future. ~ [[Lyndon B. Johnson]] ]]
[[File:M51 whirlpool galaxy black hole.jpg|thumb|right|The best way to predict the future is to invent it. ~ [[Alan Kay]] ]]
[[File:Supernova&galaxia.png|thumb|right|The future is not laid out on a track. It is something that we can decide, and to the extent that we do not violate any known laws of the universe, we can probably make it work the way that we want to. ~ [[Alan Kay]] ]]
[[File:A mosaic LAW by Frederick Dielman, 1847-1935.JPG|thumb|Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance. ~ Thomas R. Kearns ]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy Senate Portrait.jpg|thumb|Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Reynolds Coliseum, 1953 Dixie Classic program page 05.jpg|thumb|My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]].]]
[[File:Cernunnos - by Jeroen van Valkenburg.PNG|thumb|right|We can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Berkeley glade afternoon.jpg|thumb|Knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:CampanileMtTamalpiasSunset-original.jpg|thumb|It is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]] ]]
[[File:Adam Bernaert - "Vanitas" Still Life - Walters 37682.jpg|thumb|We need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future. ~ [[John F. Kennedy]].]]
[[File:Peace at the End of the Civil War.jpg|thumb|right|With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured. ~ [[Abraham Lincoln]] ]]
[[File:Soap bubble sky.jpg|thumb|right|The future exists only in imagination; and that is why, no matter how hard you try to imagine it, you will not be able to predict the future with total certainty. ~ [[Barry Long]] ]]
[[File:Kalamos.jpg|thumb|right|Look not mournfully into the Past; it comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present; it is thine.<br> Go forth to meet the shadowy Future without fear and with a manly heart. ~ [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]] ]]
[[File:Ngc1999.jpg|thumb|right| The future is a world limited by ourselves. ~ [[Maurice Maeterlinck]] ]]
[[File:P112912PS-0444 - President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney in the Oval Office - crop.jpg|thumb|right|We have a choice. We can shape our future, or let events shape it for us. And if we want to succeed, we can't fall back on the stale debates and old divides that won't move us forward. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Barack Obama with his niece Savita in the Oval Office.jpg|thumb|right|Don’t shortchange the future, because of fear in the present. ~ [[Barack Obama]] ]]
[[File:Jackie Kennedy on Landmark Express, April 1978.jpg|thumb|right|If we don't care about our past we can't have very much hope for our future. ~ [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]]]]
[[File:Apollonian circles.svg|thumb|Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future. A person's life, their future, hinges on each of a thousand choices. Living is making choices. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Patrick Stewart signing autographs.jpg|thumb|Your past is my future and as far as I'm concerned, it hasn't been written yet. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Balanced Rock.jpg|thumb|I prefer to look on the future as something which is not written in stone. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Patrick Stewart Photo Call Logan Berlinale 2017 (cropped).jpg|thumb|May you all go boldly into a future freed from the shackles of the past. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]] ]]
[[File:Michael Lukas Leopold Willmann 001.jpg|thumb|right|We must discipline ourselves to convert dreams into plans, and plans into goals, and goals into those small daily activities that will lead us, one sure step at a time, toward a better future. ~ Jim Rohn ]]
[[File:City-of-the-future.jpg|thumb|right|We cannot procrastinate. The [[world]] of the future is in our making. [[Tomorrow]] is [[now]]. ~ [[Eleanor Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:Fire dancing in the water 20060623 TVR.jpg|thumb|right|The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~ [[Eleanor Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:Bust of Young Franklin Delano Roosevelt - FDR Presidential Library & Museum - Hyde Park - New York - USA (7078542053).jpg|thumb|To bring together the records of the past and to house them in buildings where they will be preserved for the use of men and women in the future, a Nation must believe in three things. It must believe in the past. It must believe in the future. It must, above all, believe in the capacity of its own people so to learn from the past that they can gain in judgment in creating their own future. ~ [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:1944 NormandyLST.jpg|thumb|right|The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith. ~ [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]] ]]
[[File:US Capitol DC 2007 001.jpg|thumb|right|We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the [[present]]. ~ [[Adlai Stevenson]] ]]
[[File:SZA17 (13458177985).jpg|thumb|right|Is it so bad to pause the future to appreciate the past? ~ [[w:SZA|SZA]]]]
[[File:Electricsheep-18467.jpg|thumb|right|Stop haunting your past and try to drop in on the future. ~ [[w:Tabucchi|Antonio Tabucchi]] ]]
[[File:Freedom tree, St Helier - geograph.ci - 150.jpg|thumb|The future has taken root in the present. ~ [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]] ]]
[[File:Teslathinker.jpg |thumb|right|Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine. ~ [[Nikola Tesla]] ]]
[[File:Lightning simulator questacon05.jpg|thumb|right|Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. ~ [[Nikola Tesla]] ]]
[[File:LeonTrotsky1897.jpg|thumb|right|The highest human happiness is not the exploitation of the present but the preparation of the future. ~ [[Leon Trotsky]] ]]
[[File:120-cell-inner.gif|thumb|right|It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits of science that it equips the future for its duties. ~ [[Alfred North Whitehead]] ]]
[[File:The Autobiography of Malcolm X in the White House library.jpg|thumb|right|[[Education]] is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs only to the [[people]] who prepare for it today. ~ [[Malcolm X]] ]]
[[File:No Clear Future.jpg|thumb|right|Armed with the [[knowledge]] of our [[past]], we can with [[confidence]] charter a course for our future. We must forge the future with the past. ~ [[Malcolm X]] ]]
[[File:Apollonian circles.svg|thumb|Countless [[choices]] define our [[fate]]: each choice, each [[moment]], a ripple in the river of [[time]]. Enough ripples, and you [[change]] the tide... for the future is never truly set. ~ Prof. Charles Xavier/Professor X ]]
[[File:Astronomische Uhr Wells.JPG|thumb|right|The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory. ~ [[Howard Zinn]] ]]
<!-- alphabetical by author -->
==A==
* The future is mysterious. Now we’re seeing an entire generation lost to war. My hopes for the future are not personal; they’re for my people. My hopes are for peace, and only for peace.
** [[Hani Abbas]] [https://www.thedailybeast.com/hani-abbas-extends-the-vital-tradition-of-political-cartooning-in-the-mideast Interview] (2013)
* "Don't tell me about the future." said Ford. "I've been all over the future. Spend half my time there. It's the same as anywhere else. Anywhen else. Whatever. Just the same old stuff in faster cars and smellier air."
** Ford Prefect in ''Mostly Harmless'', novel by [[Douglas Adams]]
* Should not a true understanding of life promote care for the future along with the [[present]]? This is the immediate duty of every [[scientist]]. Until now scientists have dealt with life as finite — is it not now their mission to see life as extending into [[Infinity]]?
** [[Agni Yoga]], ''Agni Yoga'' (1929)
* The problem is that no one gives much of a shit about the future until it actually happens. In the fable of [[w:The Ant and the Grasshopper|the grasshopper and the ant]], human beings are the most frivolous breed of grasshopper that ever was.
** Nina Allan, ''The Common Tongue'' (2016), in [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]] (ed.) ''[[w:Jonathan Strahan|Drowned Worlds]]'' (e-book edition, {{ISBN|978-1-84997-930-6}})
* '''Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.'''
** [[Marcus Aurelius Antoninus]], ''Meditations'', Book VII, 8 (Penguin Classics edition of Meditations, translated by Maxwell Staniforth).
==B==
* The generation which will come into active thought expression at the end of this century... will inaugurate the framework, structure and fabric of the [[Age of Aquarius|New Age [of Aquarius]]], which will start with certain premises, which today are the dream of the more exalted dreamers, and which will develop the civilisatation... This coming age will be as predominantly the age of group interplay, group idealism, and group consciousness, as the Piscean Age has been one of personality unfoldment and emphasis, personality focus, and personality consciousness. Selfishness, as we now understand it, will gradually disappear, for the will of the individual will voluntarily be blended into the group will.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''The Rays & the Initiations'' (1960)
* The ancient symbol for the sign Aquarius (into which our Sun is now entering) is that of the Water-carrier, the man with a pitcher of water. This passing of the Sun into the sign Aquarius is an astronomical fact... not an astrological prognostication. The great spiritual achievement and evolutionary event of that age will be the communion and human relationships established among all peoples, enabling men everywhere to sit down together... and share the bread and wine (symbols of nourishment). Preparations for that shared feast (symbolically speaking) are on their way, and those preparations are being made by the masses of men themselves, as they fight and struggle and legislate for the economic sustenance of their nations, and as the theme of food occupies the attention of legislators everywhere. This sharing, beginning on the physical plane, will prove equally true of all human relations and this will be the great gift of the Aquarian Age to humanity.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''The Reappearance of the Christ'' (1947)
* Energies emanating from... Aquarius... will (through the effect of its potent force) stimulate... men into a new coherency, into a brotherhood of humanity which will ignore all racial and national differences and will carry the life of men forward into synthesis and unity. This means a tide of unifying life of such power that one cannot now vision it, but which—in a thousand years—will have welded all mankind into a perfect brotherhood.
** [[Alice Bailey]], ''Treatise on W.M.'' (1934)
* The future, it seemed, was turning out to be one damn thing after another.
** [[Stephen Baxter]], ''[[w:Time (Baxter novel)|Time]]'' (1999), <small> {{ISBN|978-0-345-43076-2}}, </small> p. 299
* '''Every choice we make allows us to manipulate the future.''' Do I ask Adrienne or Suzanne to the spring dance? Do I take my holiday on Corsica or on Risa? '''A person's life, their future, hinges on each of a thousand choices. Living is making choices.''' Now you ask me to believe that if I make a choice other than the one found in your history books, then your past will be irrevocably altered. Well, you know, Professor, perhaps I don't give a damn about your past, because '''your past is my future and as far as I'm concerned, it hasn't been written yet.'''
** "[[w:A Matter of Time (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|A Matter of Time]]" (30 September 1991) by [[w:Rick Berman|Rick Berman]].
** Spoken by [[Jean-Luc Picard]], in ''[[Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:A Matter of Time (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|A Matter of Time]]" (30 September 1991) by [[w:Rick Berman|Rick Berman]].
* There are two futures, the future of [[desire]] and the future of [[fate]], and man's reason has never learnt to separate them. Desire, the strongest thing in the world, is itself all future, and it is not for nothing that in all the religions the motive is always forwards to an endless futurity of bliss or annihilation. Now that religion gives place to science the paradisical future of the soul fades before the [[Utopia]]n future of the species, and still the future rules. But always there is, on the other side, [[destiny]], that which inevitably will happen, a future here concerned not as the other was with man and his desires, but blindly and inexorably with the whole universe of space and time. The [[Buddhism|Buddhist]] seeks to escape from the [[w:Saṃsāra|Wheel of Life and Death]], the [[Christianity|Christian]] passes through them in the faith of another world to come, the modern reformer, as unrealistic but less imaginative, demands his chosen future in this world of men.<br />Can we in any better way reconcile desire and fate?
** [[John Desmond Bernal]], ''The World, the Flesh and the Devil: an Enquiry into the Future of the Three Enemies of the Rational Soul'' (1929) Ch. 1 The Future, pp. 7-8.
* FUTURE, ''n.'' That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
** [[Ambrose Bierce]], [https://archive.org/details/cynicswordbook00bier/page/128/mode/2up ''The Cynic's Word Book''] (1906); republished as ''The Devil's Dictionary'' (1911).
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''If change is inevitable, predictable, beneficial, doesn't logic demand that you be a part of it?'''
* '''Mirror Spock''': '''One man cannot summon the future.'''
* '''Captain James T. Kirk''': '''But one man can change the present.'''
** Star Trek: The Original Series episode ''[[w:Mirror, Mirror (Star Trek: The Original Series)|Mirror, Mirror]]'' (6 October 1967) by [[w:Jerome Bixby|Jerome Bixby]]
* People ask me to predict the future, when all I want to do is prevent it. Better yet, build it. Predicting the future is much too easy, anyway. You look at the people around you, the street you stand on, the visible air you breathe, and predict more of the same. To hell with more. I want better.
** [[Ray Bradbury]], ''Beyond 1984: The People Machines''. (1979).
* ''Die Zukunft wird nicht gemeistert von denen, die am Vergangenen kleben.''
** '''Those who adhere to the past won't be able to cope with the future.'''
** [[Willy Brandt]], speech at the extraordinary convention of the Social Democratic Party of Germany on 18 November 1971, book source: "Reden und Interviews: Herbst 1971 bis Frühjahr 1973", Hoffmann und Campe, 1973, p. 25.
* '''Nothing we do can change the past, but everything we do changes the future.'''
** [[Ashleigh Brilliant]]. As quoted at goodreads.com. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240109195533/https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/340722-nothing-we-do-can-change-the-past-but-everything-we Archived] [https://archive.is/NEPAS from] [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/340722-nothing-we-do-can-change-the-past-but-everything-we the original] on January 9, 2024.
* Many religions speak of the End of Days. It refers not to the end of the world, but rather the end of our current age – Pisces, which began at the time of Christ’s birth, spanned two thousand years, and waned with the passing of the millennium. Now that we’ve passed into the Age of Aquarius, the End of Days has arrived.
** [[w:Dan Brown|Dan Brown]], in [[w:The Da Vinci Code|''The Da Vinci Code'']] (2003)
* We believe in trying to stick with [[business]]es ... where we think we can see the future reasonably well.
** [[Warren Buffett]], {{cite journal|title=1996 Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting Warren Buffett Charlie Munger FULL Q&A|date=June 28, 2018|journal=IDP, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YptOBQTb14}} (quote at 2:02:20 of 4:54:01)
* '''You can never plan the future by the past.'''
** [[Edmund Burke]], letter to a Member of the National Assembly (1791), Volume IV, p. 55. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 304-06.
* '''I come before you and assume the Presidency at a moment rich with promise. We live in a peaceful, prosperous time, but we can make it better.''' For a new breeze is blowing, and a world refreshed by freedom seems reborn; for in man's heart, if not in fact, the day of the dictator is over. The totalitarian era is passing, its old ideas blown away like leaves from an ancient, lifeless tree. '''A new breeze is blowing, and a nation refreshed by freedom stands ready to push on. There is new ground to be broken, and new action to be taken. There are times when the future seems thick as a fog; you sit and wait, hoping the mists will lift and reveal the right path. But this is a time when the future seems a door you can walk right through into a room called tomorrow.''' <br> Great nations of the world are moving toward democracy through the door to freedom. Men and women of the world move toward free markets through the door to prosperity. The people of the world agitate for free expression and free thought through the door to the moral and intellectual satisfactions that only liberty allows. <br> We know what works: Freedom works. We know what's right: Freedom is right. We know how to secure a more just and prosperous life for man on Earth: through free markets, free speech, free elections, and the exercise of free will unhampered by the state.
** [[George H. W. Bush]], Inaugural Address (1989), Washington, D. C. (20 January 1989) [http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/bush.htm Full text online at Yale University]
* '''I do not [[mistrust]] the future; I do not [[fear]] what is ahead. For our [[problems]] are large, but our [[heart]] is larger. Our [[challenges]] are great, but our [[will]] is [[greater]]. And if our flaws are [[endless]], [[God]]'s [[love]] is [[truly]] [[boundless]].<br>''' Some see leadership as high drama, and the sound of trumpets calling, and sometimes it is that. But I see history as a book with many pages, and each day we fill a page with acts of hopefulness and meaning. '''The new breeze blows, a page turns, the story unfolds. And so today a chapter begins, a small and stately story of unity, diversity, and generosity — shared, and written, together.'''
** [[George H. W. Bush]], Inaugural Address (1989), Washington, D. C. (20 January 1989) [http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/presiden/inaug/bush.htm Full text online at Yale University]
==C==
*'''[[w:Terminator (character)|The Terminator]]''': It must [[end]] here...or I am the future.
** [[James Cameron]], [[w:William Wisher|William Wisher]]; [[Terminator 2: Judgment Day]], 1991.
* The future will soon be a thing of the past.
** [[George Carlin]], ''Napalm and Silly Putty'' (2001), p. 260.
* '''How we remember the past determines the shape of the future.'''
** [[w:James Carroll (author)|James Carroll]] (March 22, 2005) "[https://archive.ph/PsbGv If Kennan had prevailed]". The Boston Globe. Archived from [http://archive.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2005/03/22/if_kennan_had_prevailed/ the original] on March 4, 2022.
* Future generations are unlikely to condone our lack of prudent concern for the integrity of the natural world that supports all [[life]].
** [[Rachel Carson]] Silent Spring (1962)
* Our yesterdays present irreparable things to us; it is true that we have lost opportunities which will never return, but God can transform this destructive anxiety into a constructive thoughtfulness for the future. Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ. Leave the Irreparable Past in His hands, and step out into the Irresistible Future with Him.
** [[Oswald Chambers]], ''My Utmost for His Highest'' (1956). Section "December 31".
* '''The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], speech at Harvard University, September 6, 1943, in ''The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations''(1999), Knowles & Partington, p. 215.
* Of this I am quite sure, that '''if we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech in the House of Commons, June 18, 1940 [http://hansard.millbanksystems.com/commons/1940/jun/18/war-situation#column_52 "War Situation"].
* '''We must all turn our backs upon the horrors of the past. We must look to the future. We cannot afford to drag forward cross the years that are to come the hatreds and revenges which have sprung from the injuries of the past.'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], Speech at [[wikipedia:Zurich University|Zurich University]] (September 19, 1946) ([http://www.churchill-society-london.org.uk/astonish.html partial text]) ([http://www.peshawar.ch/varia/winston.htm]).
* I've seen the future, brother; it is murder.
** [[Leonard Cohen]], ''The Future''.
==D==
* Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point, answer me one question. '''Are these the shadows of the things that ''will be'', or are they shadows of things that ''may be'' only?'''
** ''[[A Christmas Carol]]'' by [[Charles Dickens]] [https://books.google.com/books?id=4e49qoiif1UC&pg=PT54&dq=A+christmas+carol+are+these+the+visions+of+things&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CCsQ6AEwAmoVChMIw7qW57jvxgIVCKKACh1EagdD#v=onepage&q=A%20christmas%20carol%20are%20these%20the%20visions%20of%20things&f=false A Christmas Carol]
* '''Men will seem to see new destructions in the sky.''' The flames that fall from it will seem to rise in it and to fly from it with terror. '''They will hear every kind of animals speak in human language. They will instantaneously run in person in various parts of the world, without motion. They will see the greatest splendour in the midst of darkness.''' O! marvel of the human race! What madness has led you thus! '''You will speak with animals of every species and they with you in human speech. You will see yourself fall from great heights without any harm and torrents will accompany you, and will mingle with their rapid course.'''
** [[Leonardo da Vinci]], ''The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci'' (1938), ''XX Humorous Writings'', as translated by Edward MacCurdy.
* The complement of the word ''useful'' is the word ''man'', but it is also the word ''future''. It is man insofar as he is, according to the formula of [[w:Francis Ponge|Ponge]], "the future of man." Indeed, cut off from his [[w:Transcendence (philosophy)|transcendence]], reduced to the {{w|facticity}} of his presence, an individual is nothing; it is by his project that he fulfills himself, by the end at which he aims that he justifies himself; thus, this justification is always to come. Only the future can take the present for its own and keep it alive by surpassing it. A choice will become possible in the light of the future, which is the meaning of tomorrow because the present appears as the facticity which must be transcended toward freedom.
** [[Simone de Beauvoir]], {{cite book |title={{w|The Ethics of Ambiguity}} |date=1948 |publisher=Philosophical Library |isbn=978-0-8065-0160-4}} [https://www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/ambiguity/ch03.htm Part III: The Positive Aspect of Ambiguity]
* We cannot build the future on injustice.
** [[F. W. de Klerk]], [https://www.c-span.org/video/?124979-1/the-trek-beginning on ''The Washington Journal'' of C-SPAN] (11 June 1999)
* '''Take hold of the future or the future will take hold of you -- be futurewise.'''
** [[Patrick Dixon]], Futurist and author, ''Futurewise'' 1998/2005.
*Whatever the future may have in store for us, one thing is certain... Human [[thought]] will never go backward. When a [[great]] [[truth]] once gets abroad in the [[world]], no [[power]] on [[earth]] can imprison it, or prescribe its limits, or suppress it. It is bound to go on till it becomes the [[thought]] of the world... Now that it has got fairly fixed in the minds of the few, it is bound to become fixed in the minds of the many, and be supported at last by a great cloud of witnesses, which no man can number and no power can withstand.
**[[Frederick Douglass]], [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/index.asp?document=494 speech to the International Council of Women] (31 March 1888).
* The only thing we know about the future is that it is going to be different.
** [[Peter Drucker]], ''Management: Tasks, Responsibilities, Practices'' (1973), Part 1, Chapter 4.
* We have known about the dangers we pose to ourselves for decades and yet we continue sleepwalking toward a grim future, somehow numb to what it will mean for our children and theirs. Almost every depiction of our world's future in popular culture is a dystopian vision of a planet piled high with garbage, a ruined wasteland. They are accurate reflections of the fear in our hearts. But if dreams are maps, could a great dream of our future possibly help us find our way out of this nightmare?
** [[Ann Druyan]] Cosmos: Possible Worlds (2020)
* If we could only just see our lives as links in the chain of life, and see as our first responsibility to get that next link in the chain safely to the future
** [[Ann Druyan]] [https://astronomy.com/news/2020/03/beyond-carl-sagans-cosmos-a-conversation-with-ann-druyan Interview] with Astronomy Magazine (2020)
* [[w:Lawrence Bragg|Lawrence Bragg]], a shrewd observer of the birth of [[quantum mechanics]], summed up the situation in a few words: "Everything in the future is a [[wave]] — everything in the [[past]] is a [[particle]]."
** [[Freeman Dyson]], {{cite web|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HjF4yvgOlo|title=Freeman Dyson posits "QM cannot be a complete description of nature" @ J.A. Wheeler's 90th birthday"|website=YouTube|date=6 March 2014}} (quote at 22:51 of 33:06)
==E==
*As it turns out, the future of the ocean, the creatures who live there, and our own future are inextricably linked.
**[[Sylvia Earle]] ''The World Is Blue: How Our Fate and the Ocean's Are One'' (2009)
*on balance, if I had to choose the most interesting and important time in all of human history to live, it would be now. As never before, and perhaps as never again, the choices made in the near future will determine mankind's success, or lack of it. These are the "good old days" sure to be envied by those in the future.
**[[Sylvia Earle]] ''Sea Change: A Message of the Oceans'' (1995)
* I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
** [[Albert Einstein]], Attributed in ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=Af84fBmzmVYC&pg=PA305&dq=Belgenland The Encarta Book of Quotations]'' to an interview on the ''Belgenland'' (December 1930), which was the ship on which he arrived in New York that month. According to ''The Ultimate Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2010), [http://books.google.com/books?id=G_iziBAPXtEC&lpg=PP1&pg=PA18#v=onepage&q&f=false p. 18], the quote also appears as "Aphorism, 1945-1946" in the Einstein Archives 36-570. Calaprice speculates that "perhaps it was recalled later and inserted into the archives under the later date." According to a snippet on Google Books, the phrase '"I never think of the future," he said. "It comes soon enough."' appears in ''The Literary Digest: Volume 107'' on p. 29, in an article titled "We May Not 'Get' Relativity, But We Like Einstein" from [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=%22we+like+einstein%22#search_anchor 27 December 1930]. The [http://books.google.com/books?id=T0A_AAAAMAAJ&q=belgenland+%22I+never+think+of+the+future%22+%22it+comes+soon+enough%22#search_anchor snippet] also discusses the "welcome to Professor Einstein on the ''Belgenland''" in New York.
* '''Your task is not to foresee the future, but to enable it.'''
** [[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]], ''Citadelle'' or ''The Wisdom of the Sands'' (1948).
==F==
* '''It is the future that creates his present. <br /> All is an interminable chain of longing.'''
** [[Robert Frost]], "Escapist — Never'' (1962)
* It is one of our most exciting discoveries that local discovery leads to a complex of further discoveries. Corollary to this we find that we no sooner get a problem solved than we are overwhelmed with a multiplicity of additional problems in a most beautiful payoff of heretofore unknown, previously unrecognized, and as-yet unsolved problems.
** [[Buckminster Fuller]] ''Synergetics: Explorations in the Geometry of Thinking'' (1975).
====Buckminster Fuller, ''Critical Path'' (1981) ====
<small>[https://archive.org/details/LIBRORBuckminsterFullerCriticalPath (full text online)]</small>
* Neither the great political and financial power structures of the world, nor the specialization-blinded professionals, nor the population in general realize... that it is now highly feasible to take care of everybody on Earth at a higher standard of living than any have ever known.
* It no longer has to be you or me. Selfishness is unnecessary and henceforth unrationalizable as mandated by survival.
* War is obsolete. It could never have been done before. Only ten years ago... technology reached the point where it could be done. Since then the invisible technological-capability revolution has made it ever easier so to do.
* It is a matter of converting the high technology from weaponry to livingry. The essence of livingry is human-life advantaging and environment controlling. With the highest aeronautical and engineering facilities of the world redirected from weaponry to livingry production, all humanity would have the option of becoming enduringly successful.
* All previous revolutions have been political—in them the have-not majority has attempted revengefully to pull down the economically advantaged minority. If realized, this historically greatest design revolution will joyously elevate all humanity to unprecedented heights.
* All of humanity is in peril of extinction if each one of us does not dare, now and henceforth, always to tell only the truth, and all the truth, and to do so promptly — right now.
* Whether it is to be [[Utopia]] or [[Oblivion]] will be a touch-and-go relay race right up to the final moment. . . . Humanity is in ‘final exam’ as to whether or not it qualifies for continuance in Universe
==G==
* '''The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be [[invention|invented]].'''
** [[Dennis Gabor]], ''Inventing the Future'' (1963)
** Frequently paraphrased as:
*** We cannot predict the future, but we can invent it.
**** {{cite web |url=http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ |work=Quote Investigator |title=We Cannot Predict the Future, But We Can Invent It |date=September 27, 2012 |accessdate=2016-11-6}} [https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024. Cites:
***** 1963 March 28, ''New Scientist'', "Books: How to be dignified though useless, by Nigel Calder, [Review of “Inventing the future” by Dennis Gabor]", Page 712, Column 2, published by Reed Business Information: "[http://books.google.com/books?id=0ckYc8yUIKUC&q=%22predict+the%22#v=snippet& His basic approach is that we cannot predict the future, but we can invent it, hence his title.]"
** Variants:
*** '''The best way to predict the future is to invent it.'''
**** [[Alan Kay]] (1971) [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ at a 1971 meeting of PARC] ([https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024.); also Stanford Engineering, Volume 1, Number 1, Autumn 1989, pg 1-6
** Similar remarks are attributed to [[Peter Drucker]] and to [[w:Dandridge MacFarlan Cole|Dandridge M. Cole]] ([http://www.jerrypournelle.com/archives2/archives2mail/mail347.html], citation actually "[https://books.google.com/books?id=a2lZAAAAMAAJ&q=dandridge+cole+%22predict+the+future%22 We predict the future because we must in order to live.]")
* I do not want to foresee the future. I am concerned with taking care of the [[present]]. [[God]] has given me no [[control]] over the moment following.
** [[Mahatma Gandhi]], in Anthony Parel Gandhi, Freedom, and Self-rule, Lexington Books, 1 January 2000, p. 59
* [[w:Marty McFly|Marty]], '''the future isn't written. It can be changed. You know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be.'''
** Doc {{w|Emmett Brown}}, (played by {{w|Christopher Lloyd}}, [[Back to the Future Part III]] (1990), screenplay by {{w|Bob Gale}}
* '''If you don't think about the future, you cannot have one.'''
** [[John Galsworthy]], ''Swan Song'' (1928), Part II, Chapter 6.
* '''The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed.'''
** [[William Gibson]], is reported to have first said this in an interview on ''Fresh Air'', NPR (31 August 1993) {[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1107153 unverified]}, he repeated it, prefacing it with "As I've said many times…" in [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1067220 "The Science in Science Fiction" on ''Talk of the Nation'', NPR (30 November 1999, Timecode 11:55)]. See also [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/01/24/future-has-arrived/ ''The future has arrived...'' - Quote Investigator].
* '''To-day is the parent of to-morrow. The present casts its [[shadow]] far into the [[future]]. That is the [[law]] of [[life]], individual and social. [[Revolution]] that divests itself of [[ethical]] [[values]] thereby lays the foundation of injustice, deceit, and oppression for the future society. The ''means'' used to ''prepare'' the future become its cornerstone.'''
** [[Emma Goldman]], ''My Disillusionment in Russia'' (1923), existing in manuscript as "My Two Years in Russia" this work was published as [http://www.ditext.com/goldman/russia/russia.html ''My Disillusionment with Russia''] (1923), and [http://www.panarchy.org/goldman/russia.1924.html ''My Further Disillusionment with Russia''] (1924) and finally as a complete one-volume edition (1925)
* '''We often refer to space as the final frontier. But the older I get, the more I come to believe that the true final frontier is time. In command, as in life, what we do in crisis often weighs upon us less heavily than what we wish we had done, what could have been. Time offers many opportunities, but it rarely offers second chances.''' And as steps forward go I would like to acknowledge your classmate the first fully Romulan cadet at Starfleet Academy: Elnor. '''May you all go boldly into a future freed from the shackles of the past.'''
** Spoken by [[Jean-Luc Picard]], in ''[[Star Trek: Picard]]'' episode "The Star Gazer" (March 3, 2022) by [[w:Akiva Goldsman|Akiva Goldsman]] and [[w:Terry Matalas|Terry Matalas]]
* The Great Western Disease is that we fixate on the future at the expense of enjoying the life we're living now.
** [[Marshall Goldsmith]] (2010), ''What Got You Here Won't Get You There.'' p. 81
* '''The greatest danger to our future is apathy.'''
** [[Jane Goodall]], "The Power of One", ''Time'' (August 26, 2002).
* As I traveled, talking about these issues, I met so many young people who had lost hope. Some were depressed; some were apathetic; some were angry and violent. And when I talked to them, they all more or less felt this way because we had compromised their future and the world of tomorrow was not going to sustain their great-grandchildren.
** [[Jane Goodall]] "Then & Now: Jane Goodall", ''CNN'' (June 19, 2005) [http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/07/cnn25.tan.goodall/index.html Then & Now: Jane Goodall]
* ''Le futur n'est pas ce qui vient vers nous, mais ce vers quoi nous allons''
** '''The future is not what is coming at us, but what we are headed for.'''
** [[w:Jean-Marie Guyau|Jean-Marie Guyau]] (Le Genèse de l'idée du temps), translation by [[User:Astragale|Astragale]].
* '''Time is always moving on; nothing can stop it. We can’t change the past, but we can shape the future. The more compassionate you are, the more you will find inner peace.'''
** [[Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama]],Official twitter page of the Office of His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama. Tweet from 8. April 2019 11:30 am. [https://web.archive.org/web/20220310132910/https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/1115185155562336256 Archived] [https://archive.is/a7xzy from] [https://twitter.com/DalaiLama/status/1115185155562336256 the original] on March 10, 2022 and January 9, 2024.
==H==
* Even if some different theory is discovered in the future, I don’t think time travel will ever be possible. If it were, we would have been overrun by tourists from the future by now.
** [[Stephen Hawking]] [http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/2013/09/stephen-hawking-detained-in-russia-for-bible-smuggling/]
* '''A generation which ignores history has no past — and no future.'''
** [[Robert A. Heinlein]], ''[[w:Time Enough For Love|Time Enough for Love]]'' (1973).
* '''Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today. It's been that way all this year. It's been that way so many times.''' All of [[war]] is that way.
** [[Ernest Hemingway]], ''[[w: For Whom the Bell Tolls|For Whom the Bell Tolls]]'' (1940).
* If we can recognize that change and uncertainty are basic principles, we can greet the future and the transformation we are undergoing with the understanding that ''we do not know enough to be pessimistic''.
** [[w:Hazel Henderson|Hazel Henderson]], ''The Politics of the Solar Age'' (1981). Quoted in ''The Beacon Book of Quotations by Women'' ed. Rosalie Maggio (1996).
* '''I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience. I know no way of judging of the future but by the past.'''
** [[Patrick Henry]], ''[[w:Give me liberty, or give me death!|Give me liberty, or give me death!]]'' (1775)
* '''In a time of drastic [[change]] it is the learners who inherit the [[future]]. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a [[world]] that no longer exists.'''
** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''Reflections on the Human Condition'' (1973), Section 32 <!-- also quoted in ''On Becoming a Leader'' (1989) by Warren G. Bennis, p. 189 -->
* The way I see it is that '''there're two types of people: those who spend their lives trying to build a future, and those who spend their lives trying to rebuild the past.'''
** Dan Houser, Michael Unsworth, Rupert Humphries ''Max Payne 3''.
* '''Why? Why, to give you a taste of your future, a preview of things to come.'''
** Spoken by [[w:Q (Star Trek)|Q]] (played by [[w:John de Lancie|John de Lancie]]) in the ''[[Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:Q Who|Q Who]]" (8 May 1989) by [[w:Maurice Hurley|Maurice Hurley]]. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolX8swBJHc&t=47s Beginning] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolX8swBJHc First encounter with the Borg | Star Trek TNG]" (20.03.2021) by user "Riker's Beard".
==J==
* '''I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past, — so good night!'''
** [[Thomas Jefferson]], Letter to [[John Adams]] (1 August 1816).
* Today they speak of [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and anti-[[imperialism]], whereas until recently they openly preached the doctrine of the [[Fascist]] state. It is in its actions that the terrorist party betrays its real character; '''from its past actions we can judge what it may be expected to do in the future.'''
** ''Jewish intellectuals'' [https://timesmachine.nytimes.com/timesmachine/1948/12/04/96605844.pdf Letters to The Times: New Palestine Party: Visit of Menachem Begin and Aim of Political Movement Discussed] (4 December 1948) ''The New York Times''
* At the beginning of the new millennium, and at the close of the Great Jubilee during which we celebrated the two thousandth anniversary of the birth of Jesus and a new stage of the Church's journey begins, our hearts ring out with the words of Jesus when one day, after speaking to the crowds from Simon's boat, he invited the Apostle to "put out into the deep" for a catch: "Duc in altum" (Lk 5:4). Peter and his first companions trusted Christ's words, and cast the nets. "When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish" (Lk 5:6). Duc in altum! These words ring out for us today, and they invite us to '''remember the past with gratitude''', to '''live the present with enthusiasm and''' to '''look forward to the future with confidence''': "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and for ever" (Heb 13:8).
** [[Pope John Paul II]], Apostolic Letter Novo Millenio Ineunte of His Holiness John Paul II to the Bishop Clergy and Lay Faithful at the close of the Great Jubilee of the Year 2000 (6 January 2001). [https://web.archive.org/web/20220416081838/https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html Archived] from [https://www.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_letters/2001/documents/hf_jp-ii_apl_20010106_novo-millennio-ineunte.html the original] on April 16, 2022.
* The challenge of the next half century is whether we have the wisdom to use that wealth to enrich and elevate our national life, and to advance the quality of our American civilization….<br>The Great Society rests on abundance and liberty for all. It demands an end to poverty and racial injustice, to which we are totally committed in our time. But that is just the beginning.<br>The Great Society is a place where every child can find knowledge to enrich his mind and to enlarge his talents. It is a place where leisure is a welcome chance to build and reflect, not a feared cause of boredom and restlessness. It is a place where the city of man serves not only the needs of the body and the demands of commerce but the desire for beauty and the hunger for community.<br>It is a place where man can renew contact with nature. It is a place which honors creation for its own sake and for what it adds to the understanding of the race. It is a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods.<br>But most of all, the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], remarks at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor (May 22, 1964). ''Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson, 1963–64'', book 1, p. 704.
* How many white children have gone uneducated, how many white families have lived in stark poverty, how many white lives have been scarred by fear, because we have wasted our energy and our substance to maintain the barriers of hatred and terror? So I say to all of you here, and to all in the Nation tonight, that '''those who appeal to you to hold on to the past do so at the cost of denying you your future.'''
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=26805&st=&st1=#axzz2foHNK9TC "Special Message to the Congress: The American Promise," March 15, 1965. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project.]
* It is sometimes difficult to avoid the impression that there is a sort of foreknowledge of the coming series of events.
** [[Carl Jung]] ''[[w:Synchronicity|Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle]]'' (1960) p. 94
==K==
* People have a hard time imagining a near future that is fundamentally different from and better than the present.
** William H. Katerberg, ''Future West: Utopia and Apocalypse in Frontier Science Fiction'' (2008), University Press of Kansas, {{ISBN|978-070061609-1}}, p. 186
* '''The best way to predict the future is to [[invention|invent]] it.'''
** [[Alan Kay]] (1971) [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/09/27/invent-the-future/ at a 1971 meeting of PARC]. [https://archive.is/4oVme Archived] from the orginal on October 24, 2024.
** Similar remarks are attributed to [[Peter Drucker]] and [[w:Dandridge M. Cole|Dandridge M. Cole]].
** Cf. [[Dennis Gabor]], ''Inventing the Future'' (1963): "The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented."
***[[Nigel Calder]] reviewed Gabor's book and wrote, "we cannot predict the future, but we can invent it..."
* The future is not laid out on a track. It is something that we can decide, and to the extent that we do not violate any known laws of the universe, we can probably make it work the way that we want to.
** [[Alan Kay]] in 1984 in his paper ''Inventing the Future'' which appears in ''The AI Business: The Commercial Uses of Artificial Intelligence'', edited by Patrick Henry Winston and Karen Prendergast.. As quoted by Eugene Wallingford in a post entitled ''[http://www.cs.uni.edu/~wallingf/blog/archives/monthly/2004-11.html#e2004-11-06T21_03_42.htm ALAN KAY'S TALKS AT OOPSLA]'' on November 06, 2004 9:03 PM at the website of the Computer Science section of the University of Northern Iowa.
* The young inspire the middle-aged and old with courage, and they project our vision where it belongs, into the future.
** [[Melanie Kaye/Kantrowitz]] “Nine Suggestions For Radicals, or Lessons From the Gulf War” in The Issue is Power: Essays on Women, Jews, Violence and Resistance (1992)
* '''Here our interest is directed to the temporal dimension of legality, the way law stands in relation to the past, the present, and the future. Law in the modern era is, we believe, one of the most important of our society’s technologies for preserving memory. Just as the use of precedent to legitimate legal decisions fixes law in a particular relation to the past, memory may be attached, or attach itself, to law and be preserved in and through law. Where this is the case, it serves as one way of orienting ourselves to the future. As Drucilla Cornell puts it: “Legal interpretation demands that we remember the future.” In that phrase, Cornell reminds us that there are, in fact, two [[audiences]] for every legal act, the audience of the present and the audience of the future. Law materializes memory in documents, transcripts, written opinions; it reenacts the past, both intentionally and unconsciously, and it is one place where the present speaks to the future through acts of commemoration.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.12-13
* Because the litigated case creates a record, courts can become archives in which that record serves as the materialization of memory. Due process guarantees an opportunity to be heard by, and an opportunity to speak to, the future. It is the guarantee that legal institutions can be turned into museums of unnecessary, unjust, undeserved pain and death. The legal hearing provides lawyers and litigants an opportunity to write and record history by creating narratives of present injustices, and to insist on memory in the face of denial. By recording such history and constructing such narratives lawyers and litigants call on an imagined future to choose Justice over the “jurispathic” tendencies of the moment.
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. p.13
* '''Law is one site to both “remember the future” and to insure that the future remembers. Perhaps by paying attention to how law serves memory we can gain new understandings of law’s crucial role in knitting together our past, present and future. Perhaps by attending to the contestation that inevitably accompanies efforts to materialize memory in law we can gain a better understanding of the ways that social conflict plays itself out on the terrain of remembrance.'''
** Thomas R. Kearns (August 2002). [https://books.google.com/books?id=J_9YVh0QmUQC ''History, Memory, and the Law'']. University of Michigan Press. pp.13-14
* '''Let us not despair but act. Let us not seek the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] answer or the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] answer but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past — let us accept our own responsibility for the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Remarks at [http://www.jfklibrary.org/Research/Research-Aids/Ready-Reference/JFK-Quotations.aspx "Loyola College Alumni Banquet, Baltimore, Maryland (18 February 1958)]; Box 899, Senate Speech Files, John F. Kennedy Papers, Pre-Presidential Papers, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library
* '''My call is not to those who believe they belong to the past. My call is to those who believe in the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-civic-auditorium-seattle-wa Speech at Civic Auditorium, Seattle, Washington (6 September 1960)]<!-- Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project -->
* '''We are not here to curse the darkness, but to light the candle that can guide us through that darkness to a safe and sane future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]], delivered on 15 July 1960 to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]].
* There may be those who wish to hear more--more promises to this group or that--more harsh rhetoric about the men in the Kremlin--more assurances of a golden future, where taxes are always low and subsidies ever high. But my promises are in the platform you have adopted--our ends will not be won by rhetoric and '''we can have faith in the future only if we have faith in ourselves.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], [[s:John F. Kennedy's Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech|Presidential Nomination Acceptance Speech]], delivered on 15 July 1960 to the [[w:1960 Democratic National Convention|Democratic National Convention]] at the [[w:Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum|Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum]].
* For if Freedom and Communism were to compete for man's allegiance in a world at peace, I would look to the future with ever increasing confidence.
** [[John F. Kennedy]], State of the Union address, January 30, 1961. ''The Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1961'', p. 23.
* But history may well remember this as a week for an act of lesser immediate impact, and that is '''the decision by the United States and the Soviet Union to seek concrete agreements on the joint exploration of space. Experience has taught us that an agreement to negotiate does not always mean a negotiated agreement. But should such a joint effort be realized, its significance could well be tremendous for us all. In terms of space science, our combined knowledge and efforts can benefit the people of all the nations: joint weather satellites to provide more ample warnings against destructive storms--joint communications systems to draw the world more closely together--and cooperation in space medicine research and space tracking operations to speed the day when man will go to the moon and beyond. But the scientific gains from such a joint effort would offer, I believe, less realized returns than the gains for world peace. For a cooperative Soviet-American effort in space science and exploration would emphasize the interests that must unite us, rather than those that always divide us. It offers us an area in which the stale and sterile dogmas of the cold war could be literally left a quarter of a million miles behind. And it would remind us on both sides that knowledge, not hate, is the passkey to the future--that knowledge transcends national antagonisms--that it speaks a universal language--that it is the possession not of a single class, or of a single nation or a single ideology, but of all mankind.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.
* I sometimes think that we are too much impressed by the clamor of daily events. The newspaper headlines and the television screens give us a short view. They so flood us with the stop-press details of daily stories that we lose sight of one of the great movements of history. Yet '''it is the profound tendencies of history and not the passing excitements that will shape our future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Address at the University of California at Berkeley (March 23, 1962). Delivered at Memorial Stadium at the University of California in Berkeley, California. Source: Address at the University of California at Berkeley, March 23, 1962. Boston: John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240624192125/https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 Archived] [http://From from] [https://www.jfklibrary.org/archives/other-resources/john-f-kennedy-speeches/university-of-california-berkeley-19620323 the original] on June 24, 2024.
* There are those who regard this history of past strife and exile as better forgotten. But, to use the phrase of [[William Butler Yeats|Yeats]], let us not casually reduce "that great past to a trouble of fools." For '''we need not feel the bitterness of the past to discover its meaning for the present and the future.'''
** [[John F. Kennedy]], Speech to a joint session of the Dail and the Seanad, Dublin, Ireland ([[28 June]] [[1963]])
* You know, you read about the future. You can't help that. I don't look upon the future. I am not a politician. '''I am not worried about the future at all. I don't like to run it down. I don't like to think of it being too dark because I expect to spend all the rest of my life there and I don't want to have a nasty end to it.'''
** [[Charles Kettering]], "Mr. Kettering's Talk", ''News and Views'', General Motors Acceptance Corporation, General Exchange Insurance Corporation, Motors Insurance Corporation, 1936, [https://books.google.com/books?id=G2hEAAAAIAAJ&dq=%22the+rest+of+my+life+there%22 p. 46]
** Variants:
*** I object to people running down the future. I am going to live all the rest of my life there, and I would like it to be a nice place, polished, bright, glistening, and glorious.
**** Quoted in ''Professional Amateur: The Biography of Charles Franklin Kettering'', by T. A. Boyd 1957, pp. 3–4 ([https://archive.org/stream/professionalamat013190mbp/professionalamat013190mbp_djvu.txt Internet Archive], [https://books.google.com/books?id=42Ohg0wKaWsC&pg=PA4&dq=%22I+object+to+people+running+down+the+future%22 Google Books])
*** My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
**** Common, since 1947; example: ''Instruments and Control Systems'', Volume 20, 1947, [https://books.google.com/books?id=gBonAAAAMAAJ&q=%22my+interest+is+in+the+future+because+i+am+going+to+spend+the+rest+of+my+life+there%22+kettering p. 374]
* '''But this long run is a misleading guide to current affairs. In the long run we are all dead.'''
** [[John Maynard Keynes]], ''A Tract on Monetary Reform'' (1923), chapter 3, p. 80.
* The future: a dark, desolate world. A world of war, suffering, loss on both sides. Mutants, and the humans who dared to help them, fighting an enemy we cannot defeat. '''Are we''' destined down this path, '''destined to destroy ourselves like so many species before us? Or can we evolve fast enough to change ourselves... change our fate? Is the future truly set?''' The past: a new and uncertain world. A world of endless possibilities and infinite outcomes. '''Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment, a moment in the ripple of time. Enough ripple, and you change the tide... for the future is never truly set.'''
** Prof. Charles Xavier/Professor X (played by Patrick Stewart, ''[[w:X-Men: Days of Future Past|X-Men: Days of Future Past]]'' (2014), screenplay by Simon Kinberg
==L==
* Every feeling that looks to the future elevates human nature; for life is never so low or so little as when it concentrates itself on the present. The miserable wants, the small desires, and the petty pleasures of daily existence have nothing in common with those mighty dreams which, looking forward for action and action's reward, redeem the earth over which they walk with steps like those of an angel, beneath which spring up glorious and immortal flowers. The imagination is man's noblest and most spiritual faculty ; and that ever dwells on the to-come.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]] ''Francesca Carrara'' (1834), Vol III, page 161
* Not to the present is our hour confined,<br>The great and shadowy future is assigned<br>To be the glorious empire of the mind.<br><br>The past was once the future, and it wrought<br>In the high presence of on-looking thought ;<br>All that we have, was by its efforts brought.<br><br>To-day creates to-morrow, and the tree<br>Of good or ill grows in past hours, what we<br>Make for the future — certain is to be.
** [[Letitia Elizabeth Landon]], ''[[Ethel Churchill (or The Two Brides)]]'' (1838), Vol III. Chapter 8
* Two things make the future [[real]], the [[artist]]'s [[imagination]] and the [[worker]]'s [[hope]]. [[Fascism]] [[destroys]] both.
** [[John Langdon-Davies]], {{cite book |title=Authors Take Sides on the Spanish War |date=1937 |publisher=Left Review |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=qD0gAQAAMAAJ&q=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&dq=Two+things+make+the+future+real,+the+artist%27s+imagination+and+the+worker%27s+hope.+Fascism+destroys+both.+Therefore+the+artist+and+the+worker+must+unite&hl=es-419&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjK5Y_3h43qAhVOI7kGHf1GBVQQ6AEIJzAA}}. Quoted in {{cite book |last1=Buchanan |first1=Tom |title=Britain and the Spanish Civil War |date=1997 |publisher=Cambridge University Press |isbn=978-0-521-45569-5 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=eDlPTZNYXIUC&pg=PA32 |page=32}}
* '''With high hope for the future, no prediction in regard to it is ventured.'''
** [[Abraham Lincoln]], [[s:Abraham_Lincoln's_Second_Inaugural_Address|Second Inaugural Address (4 March 1865)]]
* Yet this corporate being, though so insubstantial to our senses, binds, in Burke's words, a man to his country with "ties which though light as air, are as strong as links of iron." That is why young men die in battle for their country's sake and why old men plant trees they will never sit under.
** [[Walter Lippmann]], ''Essays in the Public Philosophy'' (1955), chapter 3, part 2, p. 36. The quotation is from Edmund Burke's speech on "Conciliation with America" (1775).
* '''The more you observe life in relation to yourself the more you will see the fact that you are hardly ever correct when you think about something in the future. The future exists only in imagination; and that is why, no matter how hard you try to imagine it, you will not be able to predict the future with total certainty.'''
** [[Barry Long]], ''[http://koti.welho.com/walkusko/archive/other/bl.html Knowing Yourself: The True in the False]'' (Barry Long Books, 1996).
* '''Look not mournfully into the Past; it comes not back again. Wisely improve the Present; it is thine.<br> Go forth to meet the shadowy Future without fear and with a manly heart.'''
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''Hyperion'' (1839).
* We are making the future as well as bonding to survive the enormous pressures of the present, and that is what it means to be a part of history.
** [[Audre Lorde]], ''Learning from the 60s'', {{cite book |title={{w|Sister Outsider}}: Essays and Speeches |date=1984 |publisher=Crossing Press |isbn=978-0-89594-142-8}}
===''Some Glimpses of Occultism: Ancient and Modern'', [[C.W. Leadbeater]] (1903)===
:<small> ''[https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.128004 (full text online multiple formats) ]'' </small>
[[File:Charles Webster Leadbeater.014.jpg|thumb|There is a very real and imminent danger... which threatens us. The only thing that can prevent it is the diffusion of knowledge... nothing can ever be good for one which is against the interests of the whole. ~ [[Charles Webster Leadbeater]]]]
====Chapter XII, The Future of Humanity====
* The subject of the future that lies before humanity may obviously be treated in various ways; perhaps the simplest division which we can make is to speak first of the immediate future, then of the remoter future, then of the final goal. Both the immediate and the remoter future may be to some extent a matter of speculation, or perhaps we should rather say of calculation; but the final goal we know with absolute certainty, and that is the only thing which is really of importance. Still it is well that we should try to look forward a little, so that we who are units in this great mass of humanity may be able to take our part intelligently in the evolution which we see to be progressing all round us.
* The conditions of the near future must naturally develop from those which we see today; and I think that as we look about us, unless we are terribly prejudiced, we must admit that in spite of our boasted civilization there is very much which is highly unsatisfactory. p. 324
* Then the great question of government is also in an unsatisfactorv condition; for I think all will agree that there is no country in the world which is governed, as every country in the world ought to be, solely with regard to the interests and advancement of the people who are governed. On the contrary we find everywhere personal and party considerations, and matters are in such condition that even the wisest and the best of our statesmen cannot do many things which they wish to do, and find themselves forced into many actions of which in truth they do not approve. p. 326
* All of these difficulties arise from ignorance and selfishness. If men understood the plan of evolution, instead of working each for his own personal ends they would all join together as a community and work harmoniously for the good of all with mutual tolerance and forbearance. It is obvious that if this were done all of these evils would almost immediately cease or at any rate could very shortly be removed. p. 326
* Every day a greater number of people are beginning to understand to some extent and to strive towards a better and more rational condition of affairs. There are many societies and associations which have for their object the amelioration of the condition of humanity Some of them begin at one end and some at the other, each approaches it from his own point of view and with his own set of remedies, but at least they are striving towards that development of unselfishness which is the only true solution of all our difficulties.
* Our own [[Theosophical Society]]... is striving to help humanity It has no connection with any form of politics, and it is not trying to act directly in any way with regard to social conditions, its effort is rather to dispel ignorance, to put before men the truth about life and death, to show them why they are here and what lessons they have to learn and so to bring them to understand and to realize the great truth of the brotherhood of man.
* Never was there a greater need for the diffusion of [[knowledge]], for in the present ignorance of men there is a very real and imminent danger. We have in the immediate future the possibility of serious struggle; we have all the elements of a possible social upheaval, and we have no religion with sufficient hold upon the people to check what may develop into a wild and dangerous movement.
* As yet [[philosophy]] is the study of the very few only, and the science which has done so much for us, and has achieved so many triumphs, cannot stay the danger which threatens us. The only thing that can prevent it is the diffusion of knowledge, so that men shall understand what is really best for them and shall realize that nothing can ever be good for one which is against the interests of the whole. p. 333
* Our religious friends argue much about heaven and hell and are terribly afraid of the latter indeed it would sometimes almost seem as though they were afraid of the former as well, from the manner in which they exert themselves to avoid going there/ In the future no questions or disputes about these conditions will be possible, because man will see for himself that there is no hell, though he will also see very clearly that those who live an evil life are by that fact storing up for themselves very undesirable results and a very unpleasant time in the astral life. The glories of the heaven world will also be open to his sight, and he will realize that man needs only a development of faculty in order to place him at once, here and now, in the midst of all the bliss that that wondrous life can give.
* What a change will come over our conceptions of art and music also for the artist of that day there will be many more colors and many more shades of color than those of which we now know, for the knowledge of the higher planes brings as one of its earliest results the power of appreciating all these different hues. The music of that day will be accompanied by color, just as the color studies will be accompanied by harmonious sound; for sound and color are simply two aspects of every ordered motion, so that a magnificent piece played upon the organ will be accompanied by a splendid display of glowing color, and thus another interest will be added to the delight of glorious music, and an additional advantage will in this way be enjoyed by the students of music and art. p. 344
* A great change too will come over the power side of man’s development; the whole question of government and organization will stand upon a different basis. Men will see then vividly and clearly the effect upon the astral plane of many of their actions upon the physical, and thus much that is now done thoughtlessly will become an absolute impossibility There could be no possibility of the slaughter of animals for food, for example, if only men were able to see the results upon the astral plane which that slaughter produces. The crime which men call sport would be utterly abolished if they were able to see what it is that they are really doing. It needs so slight a development to change the whole face of this which we call civilization, and to change it very much for the better. p. 345
== M ==
* The future survives because people care. Live responsibly or die.
** [[Lisa Mason]], ''The Golden Nineties'' (1995), <small> ISBN 0-553-57307-1 </small> p. 168
* The first man—the Master—raised his goblet in a mocking toast. “To the future,” he said. “It’s on its way now, whether we’re prepared or not.”
** [[Seanan McGuire]], ''Down Among the Sticks and Bones,'' (2017, {{ISBN|978-0-76539-2-039}}), p. 81
* Dynamic systems studies usually are not designed to ''predict'' what will happen. Rather, they're designed to explore ''what would happen'', if a number of driving factors unfold in a range of different ways.
** [[Donella Meadows]], ''[[Donella Meadows#Thinking in Systems: A Primer (2008)|Thinking in Systems: A Primer]]'', Chelsea Green Publishing, 2008, page 46 (ISBN 9781603580557).
* The future's uncertain and the end is always near ...
** [[Jim Morrison]], lead singer and lyricist of [[w:The Doors|The Doors]], "[[w:Roadhouse Blues|Roadhouse Blues]], on the album ''[[w:Morrison Hotel|Morrison Hotel]]'' (1970)
* People have always had this craving to know the future. You know, the king used to hire the [[magician]] or the forecaster and he'd look in sheep guts, or something, for an answer as to handle the next war. And so there has always been a [[market]] for people who purported to know the future based on their expertise. And there's a lot of that still going on — it's just as crazy as when the king was hiring the forecaster who looked at the sheep guts. And people have an economic incentive to sell some nostrum — it can be sold over and over again.
** [[Charlie Munger]], {{cite journal|title=Warren Buffett: 2004 Berkshire Hathaway Annual Meeting Part 1|date=August 2, 2018|journal=Hioim, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cayxcPyQoAc}} (quote at 1:47:18 of 2:33:25)
== N ==
[[File:Jawaharlal Nehru signing Indian Constitution.jpg|thumb|right|The past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now. ~ [[Jawaharlal Nehru]] ]]
* If someone who knew the future, pointed out a child to you and told you that that child would grow up totally evil, to be a ruthless dictator who would destroy millions of lives... could you then kill that child?
** [[Fourth Doctor]], [[Doctor Who]], "Genesis of the Daleks" written by Terry Nation
* "The future," as [[George Soros]], the financier and philanthropist once observed, "is not only unknown: it is unknowable." Given that, it seemed like a good idea to take [[Neil Postman]]’s [[Neil_Postman#Amusing_Ourselves_to_Death:_Public_Discourse_in_the_Age_of_Show_Business_(1985)|two extremes]] to see how our networked future might unfold. Which kind of future—the [[Orwell]]ian or the [[Aldous Huxley|Huxley]]ean—seems more plausible? Postman thought that the two were mutually exclusive: humanity might have one or the other. But an even [[w:gloom|gloomier]] conclusion is that we might wind up with both.
** [[w:John Naughton|John Naughton]] in: ''From Gutenberg to Zuckerberg: Disruptive Innovation in the Age of the Internet'', Quercus, 2014, Chapter 9, page 231 (ISBN 9781623650629)
* The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. '''Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future?''' [...] Nevertheless '''the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now.'''
** [[Jawaharlal Nehru]], [[w:Tryst with Destiny|Tryst with Destiny]] speech (August 14, 1947)
==O==
* Our immediate task, however, is the critical work of confronting [[w:2008–2012 global recession|the economic crisis]]. As I've said, we've passed through an era of profound irresponsibility; now we cannot afford half-measures, and we cannot go back to the kind of risk-taking that leads to bubbles that inevitably bust. So '''we have a choice. We can shape our future, or let events shape it for us. And if we want to succeed, we can't fall back on the stale debates and old divides that won't move us forward.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=85953&st=&st1= Barack Obama: "The President's News Conference With Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom in London, England," April 1, 2009. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project].
* '''Don’t shortchange the future, because of fear in the present.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], [http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=85953&st=&st1= Barack Obama: "The President's News Conference With Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom in London, England," April 1, 2009. Online by Gerhard Peters and John T. Woolley, The American Presidency Project].
* '''We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it.'''
** [[Barack Obama]], In a speech to joint session of Congress, (September. 9, 2009).
* '''If we don’t care about our past we can’t have very much hope for our future.'''
** [[Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis]], press conference held at the [[w:Grand Central Terminal|Grand Central Terminal]]’s famous [[w:Grand Central Oyster Bar & Restaurant|Oyster Bar]] in 1975 in [[New York City]]. Source: Angela Serratore (June 26, 2018 ): ''History: The Preservation Battle of Grand Central''. In: Smithsonian Magazine. [https://web.archive.org/web/20240109190220/https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/preservation-battle-grand-central-180969446/ Archived] [https://archive.is/zvtoR from] [https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/preservation-battle-grand-central-180969446/ the original] on January 9, 2023.
* Can omniscient God, who<br>Knows the future, find<br>The Omnipotence to<br> Change His future mind?
**[[w:Karen Owens|Karen Owens]] in: ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=yq1xDpicghkC&pg=PA101 The God Delusion]'', Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Jan 16, 2008, p. 101.
==P==
* '''The past and future are veiled; but the past wears the widow's veil; the future, the virgin's.'''
** [[Jean Paul]], as quoted in ''Treasury of Thought'' (1872) by Maturin M. Ballou, p. 521.
* '''I prefer to look on the [[future]] as something which is not written in stone.''' A lot of things can happen in 25 years.
** [[Jean-Luc Picard]] (played by [[Patrick Stewart]] in the ''[[w:Star Trek: The Next Generation|Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode "[[w:All Good Things...|All Good Things...]]" (23 May 1994) by [[w:Brannon Braga|Brannon Braga]] and [[w:Ronald D. Moore|Ronald D. Moore]]
* '''The past is written, but the future is left for us to write, and we have powerful tools''', Rios''': openness, optimism, and the spirit of curiosity. All they have is secrecy, and fear, and fear is the great destroyer''', Rios'''.'''
** [[Jean-Luc Picard]] (played by [[Patrick Stewart]] in the ''[[w:Star Trek: Picard|Star Trek: Picard]]'' episode Broken Pieces (March 12, 2020) written by [[w:Michael Chabon|Michael Chabon]]
*It is by imagining what we truly desire that we begin to go there. That is the kind of thinking about the future that seems to me most fruitful, most rewarding. I want a future in which women are not punished for having women's bodies, are not punished for desire or the lack of it, are viewed as independent protagonists in their own adventures-spiritual, intellectual, romantic, sexual, and creative adventures. That's one reason I read and write [[speculative fiction]].
**[[Marge Piercy]] "WHY SPECULATE ON THE FUTURE?" in ''My Life, My Body'' (2015)
* Whenever the rate of return on capital is significantly and durably higher than the growth rate of the economy, it is all but inevitable that inheritance (of fortunes accumulated in the past) predominates over saving (wealth accumulated in the present). ... The inequality r > g in one sense implies that the past tends to devour the future: wealth originating in the past automatically grows more rapidly, even without labor, than wealth stemming from work, which can be saved. Almost inevitably, this tends to give lasting disproportionate importance to inequalities created in the past, and therefore to inheritance.
** [[Thomas Piketty]], ''[[w:Capital in the Twenty-First Century|Capital in the Twenty-First Century]]'' (2013), p. 377.
* We have no right to assume that any physical laws exist, or if they have existed up until now, that they will continue to exist in a similar manner in the future.
** [[Max Planck]], ''The Universe in the Light of Modern Physics'' (1931).
* {{smallcaps|There’s no better present than a future.}}
** [[Terry Pratchett]], ''[[w:Hogfather|Hogfather]]'' (1996), p. 168 <small>({{ISBN|978-0-06-105905-6}})</small>
==Q==
* The future is much like the present, only longer.
** {{w|Dan Quisenberry}}, as quoted by Stephen Lilley, ''Transhumanism and Society : the Social Debate over Human Enhancement'' (2013) p. 24.
==R==
* '''We must discipline ourselves to convert dreams into plans, and plans into goals, and goals into those small daily activities that will lead us, one sure step at a time, toward a better future.'''
**Jim Rohn, ''Five Major Pieces To the Life Puzzle'' (1991).
* '''We face the future fortified with the lessons we have learned from the past. It is today that we must create the world of the future.''' [[Spinoza]], I think, pointed out that we ourselves can make experience valuable when, by imagination and reason, we turn it into foresight.
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], ''Tomorrow Is Now'' (1963), p. xv
* What we must learn to do is to create unbreakable bonds between the sciences and the humanities. '''We cannot procrastinate. The world of the future is in our making. Tomorrow is now.'''
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], ''Tomorrow Is Now'' (1963), p. 134
* '''The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.'''
** [[Eleanor Roosevelt]], as quoted in Leonard C. Schlup and Donald W. Whisenhunt, ''It Seems to Me: Selected Letters of Eleanor Roosevelt'' (2001), p. 2.
* '''To bring together the records of the past and to house them in buildings where they will be preserved for the use of men and women in the future, a Nation must believe in three things. It must believe in the past. It must believe in the future. It must, above all, believe in the capacity of its own people so to learn from the past that they can gain in judgment in creating their own future.'''
** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], Remarks at the Dedication of the Franklin D. Roosevelt Library at Hyde Park, New York, United States of America (June 30, 1941). [https://web.archive.org/web/20120531110501/http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/php63041.html Archived] from [http://docs.fdrlibrary.marist.edu/php63041.html the original] on January 30, 2021.
* '''The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with strong and active faith.'''
** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]]. ''The Public Papers and Addresses of Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1944–45'' (1950), p. 616, which states: "This is the latest draft of the President's proposed speech [for Jefferson Day, April 13, 1945]. The last sentence [quoted above] was written into the typed draft in his own hand. The draft was not the final one; the preparation of the final draft was prevented by death."
* Having granted the excellence of these maxims, I come to certain points in which I do not believe that one can grant either the superlative wisdom or the superlative goodness of Christ as depicted in the Gospels... there one does find some things that do not seem to be very wise. For one thing, he certainly thought that His second coming would occur in clouds of glory before the death of all the people who were living at that time. There are a great many texts that prove that. He says, for instance, "Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel till the Son of Man be come." Then he says, "There are some standing here which shall not taste death till the Son of Man comes into His kingdom"; and there are a lot of places where '''it is quite clear that He believed that His second coming would happen during the lifetime of many then living.''' That was the belief of His earlier followers, and it was the basis of a good deal of His moral teaching. When He said, "Take no thought for the morrow," and things of that sort, it was very largely because He thought that the second coming was going to be very soon, and that all ordinary mundane affairs did not count. I have, as a matter of fact, known some Christians who did believe that the second coming was imminent. I knew a parson who frightened his congregation terribly by telling them that the second coming was very imminent indeed, but they were much consoled when they found that he was planting trees in his garden. The early Christians did really believe it, and they did abstain from such things as planting trees in their gardens, because they did accept from Christ the belief that the second coming was imminent. '''In that respect, clearly He was not so wise as some other people have been, and He was certainly not superlatively wise.'''
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''Why I am not a Christian'' (1927), "Defects in Christ's Teaching".
==S==
* '''I am interested in a phase that I think we are entering. I call it "[[teleological]] evolution," evolution with a purpose.''' The idea of evolution by design, designing the future, anticipating the future. I think of the need for more [[wisdom]] in the world, to deal with the knowledge that we have. '''At one time we had [[wisdom]], but little knowledge. Now we have a great deal of knowledge, but do we have enough wisdom to deal with that knowledge?'''
** [[Jonas Salk]], in [http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/printmember/sal0int-1 Academy of Achievement interview, in San Diego, California (16 May 1991)]
* If you can look into the seeds of time, <br /> And say which grain will grow and which will not; <br /> Speak then to me.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]'', Act I, Sc. 3, L. 58.
* To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Macbeth]]''.
* From now on, everything in life will appear blurry to me. What’s the point of wiping my glasses when my vision has already left me?
** [[Sanu Sharma]], ''Pari''
* The possible future is not just longer than the past. It is ''unimaginably'' longer.
** [[Charles Sheffield]], ''Something for Nothing'' in ''[[w:Charles Sheffield|Dancing with Myself]]'' (1993), <small> {{ISBN|0-671-72185-2}}, </small> p. 363
* "So you've been over into Russia?" said Bernard Baruch, and I answered very literally, "I have been over into the future and it works."
** [[Lincoln Steffens]], ''The Autobiography of Lincoln Steffens'' (1931, reprinted 1958), vol. 2, chapter 18, p. 799. Steffens had made his second trip to Russia in 1919, as part of a mission sent by President Woodrow Wilson.
* With the way the world’s going a nuclear Iran is going to be the least of our problems in 10 or 15 years. Iranian nukes will be a break from swimming through our climate-change flooded cities fighting ebola zombies with our teeth because we can’t hold guns thanks to our iPhone-shaped hand tumors.
** [[Jon Stewart]] ''The Daily Show'' July 21st 2015
* '''We can chart our future clearly and wisely only when we know the path which has led to the [[present]].'''
** [[Adlai Stevenson]], Speech, Richmond, Virginia (20 September 1952).
*....another vision, where water still curled on the sandy beach beneath a clear blue sky where birds flew, but their patterns were mathematics precise beyond his comprehension. A man walked between buildings that were perfect, and empty. He turned to look at Rudi for an instant and where his eyes should have been were silvery tendrils that waved and sought.
**[[S. M. Stirling]], ''[[w:The Sword of the Lady|The Sword of the Lady]]''
* '''Is it so bad to pause the future to appreciate the past?''' </br> [...] </br> Is it so bad to shut the door and just accept we can't go back?
** [[w:SZA|SZA]], [[w:Save the Day (SZA song)|Save the Day]] (February 20, 2026), from the album ''[[w:Hoppers_(film)#Music|Hoppers (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack]])''
==T==
* ...'''stop haunting your past and try to drop in on the future.'''
** [[w:Tabucchi|Antonio Tabucchi]]. ''Pereira Maintains'', p. 146.
* This is really odd that [[economists]] are expected to [[predict]] the future, because no on expect other people in other [[disciplines]] to predict the future. Nobody says to the biologists: What is the next stage in [[evolution]]? If you can't expect the next stage in evolution... well I guess [[biology]] just isn't a [[science]] and, that no one should [[listen]] to you. Nobody says to the [[political scientist]]: Well... you know, who is going to win the next [[election]]? If you can't tell me now, then I guess, you know, political science does not mean anything. But somehow economics takes this burden, that people in economics are supposed to be able to forecast the future.
** Timothy Taylor, in ''Economics, 3rd Edition (The Great Courses)'' (2008), Chapter 1: "How Economists Think."
* '''The future has taken root in the present.'''
** Kryptonian spaceship, [[Zack Snyder's Justice League]] (2021), Written by [[w:Chris Terrio|Chris Terrio]]. As quoted in: Adam Chitwood (May 28, 2023): Cyborg’s Vision in ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’ Showed Us What Could've Been in the DCU. In: [[w:Collider (website)|collider.com]]. [https://web.archive.org/web/20231210114815/https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ Archived] [https://archive.is/NtTxw from] [https://collider.com/cyborg-vision-explained-zack-snyder-justice-league/ the original] on December 12, 2023. See also: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo&t=4m15s The end] of Youtube Video "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a6HPVPlzeo Superman Resurrection | Zack Snyder's Justice League [4k, HDR]]" (28.10.2021) by user "Flashback FM".
* '''Let the future tell the truth and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine'''.
** [[Nikola Tesla]], On patent controversies regarding the [[w:Invention of radio|invention of Radio]] and other things, as quoted in "A Visit to Nikola Tesla" by Dragislav L. Petković in ''Politika'' (April 1927);<!-- Perhaps from an interview in January 1927 --> as quoted in ''Tesla, Master of Lightning'' (1999) by Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, p. 73 <!-- Barnes & Noble Publishing --> <small> {{ISBN|0760710058}} </small> ; also in ''Tesla: Man Out of Time'' (2001) by Margaret Cheney, p. 230 <!-- Simon and Schuster --><small> {{ISBN|0743215362}} </small>.
* I have obtained... spark discharges extending through more than one hundred feet and carrying currents of one thousand amperes, electromotive forces approximating twenty million volts, chemically active streamers covering areas of several thousand square feet, and electrical disturbances in the natural media ''surpassing'' those caused by lightning, in intensity.<br> '''Whatever the future may bring, the universal application of these great principles is fully assured, though it may be long in coming. With the opening of the first power plant, incredulity will give way to wonderment, and this to ingratitude, as ever before.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], [http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1905-01-07.htm "The Transmission of Electrical Energy Without Wires as a Means for Furthering Peace"] in Electrical World and Engineer (7 January 1905) .<!-- pp. 21–24 -->
* '''The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up. His work is like that of the planter — for the future. His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way. He lives and labors and hopes.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], "Radio Power Will Revolutionize the World" in ''Modern Mechanics and Inventions'' (July 1934).
* '''The future is too interesting and [[dangerous]] to be [[entrusted]] to any predictable, reliable agency.''' We [[need]] all the fallibility we can get. Most of all, we need to preserve the [[absolute]] unpredictability and total improbability of our [[connected]] [[minds]]. That way we can keep open all the [[options]], as we have in the [[past]].
** [[Lewis Thomas]], ''[[Lewis Thomas#The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher (1974)|The Lives of a Cell: Notes of a Biology Watcher]]'', "Computers, p. 113 (1974)
* Man remains in the end what he started as in the beginning: a biosystem with a limited capacity for change. When this capacity is overwhelmed, the consequence is future shock.
** [[Alvin Toffler]], ''Future Shock'' (1970), Chapter 15.
[[File:Rembrandt - A Scholar in his Study - NG.M.01365.jpg|thumb|A state of consciousness totally free of all negativity ... is the liberated state to which all spiritual teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and now. ~ [[Eckhart Tolle]]]]
[[File:Van Gogh 10.jpg|thumb|To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the [[Now|present moment]] and allow it to be. ~ [[Eckhart Tolle]]]]
* '''What we now want most is closer contact and better [[understanding]] between [[individuals]] and [[communities]] all over the [[earth]] and the elimination of that fanatic devotion to exalted ideals of [[national]] [[egoism]] and [[pride]], which is always prone to plunge the world into primeval barbarism and strife.'''
** [[Nikola Tesla]], in ''[[w:My Inventions: The Autobiography of Nikola Tesla|My Inventions]]'' (1919)
* '''Hope keeps you focused on the future, and this continued focus perpetuates your denial of the [[Now]] and therefore your unhappiness.'''
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* A state of [[consciousness]] totally free of all negativity ... is the liberated state to which all [[spiritual]] teachings point. It is the promise of salvation, not in an illusory future but right here and [[now]].
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* Whereas before you dwelt in time and paid brief visits to the [[Now]], have your dwelling place in the Now and pay brief visits to past and future.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''[[The Power of Now]]'' (1997)
* The moment your attention turns to the Now, you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fulfillment and satisfaction - you don’t look to it for salvation.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''The Power of Now'' (1997)
* Awakening as a future event has no meaning because awakening is the realization of Presence. So the new heaven, the awakened consciousness, is not a future state to be achieved. A new heaven and a new earth are arising within you at this moment, and if they are not arising at this moment, they are no more than a thought in your head and therefore not arising at all.
** [[Eckhart Tolle]] in ''A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose,'' (2005)
* Be it even over our bleaching bones the truth will triumph! We will blaze the trail for it. It will conquer! Under all the severe blows of fate, I shall be happy as in the best days of my youth! Because, my friends, '''the highest human happiness is not the exploitation of the present but the preparation of the future.'''
** [[Leon Trotsky]], '[https://www.marxists.org/archive/trotsky/1937/09/life.htm I Stake My Life]', opening telephone address to the N.Y. Hippodrome Meeting for the opening event of the [[w:Dewey Commission|Dewey Commission]] on the Moscow Trial (February 9, 1937)
==W==
* '''Trust no future, howe'er pleasant!<br>Let the dead Past bury its dead!<br>Act, act in the living present!<br>Heart within, and God o'erhead!'''
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''[[wikisource:A Psalm of Life|A Psalm of Life]]'' (1839), St. 6.
* "The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present"
** [[Bill Watterson]], ''[[w:Calvin and Hobbes|Calvin and Hobbes]]'' (1985)
* The nation is burdened with the heavy curse on those who come afterwards. The generation before us was inspired by an activism and a naive enthusiasm, which we cannot rekindle, because we confront tasks of a different kind from those which our fathers faced.
** [[Max Weber]], address to convention of the Verein für Socialpolitik, Germany, 1893; reported in Reinhard Bendix, ''Max Weber'' (1960), p. 53.
* You can't fuck the future. The future fucks you! It catches up with you and it fucks you if you ain't planned for it!
** [[Norman Wexler]], through the main character Tony Manero in the motion picture ''[[Saturday Night Fever]]'' (1978).
* '''My visions of the [[future]] are always pretty much standard issue. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer... and there are flying cars.'''
** [[Joss Whedon]] ''TV Guide'' (27 December – 2 January 2004), and Foreword to ''Fray''
* '''It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits of science that it equips the future for its duties.'''
** [[Alfred North Whitehead]], ''Science and the Modern World'' (1925), Ch. 13: Requisites for Social Progress.
* '''My clients are the children; my clients are the next generation.''' They do not know what promises and bonds I undertook when I ordered the armies of the United States to the soil of France, but I know, and '''I intend to redeem my pledges to the children; they shall not be sent upon a similar errand.'''
** [[Woodrow Wilson]], address in Pueblo, Colorado (September 25, 1919); reported in Albert Shaw, ed., ''The Messages and Papers of Woodrow Wilson'' (1924), vol. 2, p. 1127.
==X==
* '''Education is an important element in the struggle for human rights. It is the means to help our children and our people rediscover their identity and thereby increase their self respect. Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs only to the people who prepare for it today.'''
** [[Malcolm X]], Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary: Speeches, Interviews, and a Letter'' (1970).
* '''Armed with the knowledge of our past, we can with confidence charter a course for our future.''' Culture is an indispensable weapon in the freedom struggle. '''We must''' take hold of it and '''forge the future with the past.'''
** [[Malcolm X]], Speech at Founding Rally of the Organization of Afro-American Unity (28 June 1964), as quoted in ''By Any Means Necessary: Speeches, Interviews, and a Letter'' (1970).
==Z==
* '''To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives.''' If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places — and there are so many — where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. '''The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.'''
** [[Howard Zinn]], ''A Power Governments Cannot Suppress'', p. 270.
==''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''==
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 304-06.</small>
* That what will come, and must come, shall come well.
** [[Edwin Arnold]], ''Light of Asia'' (1879), Book VI, line 274.
* Making all futures fruits of all the pasts.
** [[Edwin Arnold]], ''Light of Asia'' (1879), Book V, line 432.
* Some day Love shall claim his own<br>Some day Right ascend his throne,<br>Some day hidden Truth be known;<br>Some day—some sweet day.
** [[Lewis J. Bates]], ''Some Sweet Day''.
* The year goes wrong, and tares grow strong,<br> Hope starves without a crumb;<br>But God's time is our harvest time,<br> And that is sure to come.
** [[Lewis J. Bates]], ''Our Better Day''.
* Dear Land to which Desire forever flees;<br> Time doth no present to our grasp allow,<br>Say in the fixed Eternal shall we seize<br> At last the fleeting Now?
** [[Edward Bulwer-Lytton]], ''Corn Flowers'', Book I. The First Violets.
* You can never plan the future by the past.
** [[Edmund Burke]], letter to a Member of the National Assembly, Volume IV, p. 55.
* With mortal crisis doth portend,<br>My days to appropinque an end.
** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'' (1664), Part I, Canto III, line 589.
* 'Tis the sunset of life gives me mystical lore,<br>And coming events cast their shadows before.
** [[Thomas Campbell]], ''Lochiel's Warning''.
* ''Certis rebus certa signa præcurrunt.''
** Certain signs precede certain events.
** [[Cicero]], ''De Divinatione'', I. 52.
* So often do the spirits<br>Of great events stride on before the events,<br>And in to-day already walks to-morrow.
** [[Samuel Taylor Coleridge]], ''Death of Wallenstein'', Act V, scene 1.
* There shall be no more snow<br>No weary noontide heat,<br>So we lift our trusting eyes<br>From the hills our Fathers trod:<br>To the quiet of the skies:<br>To the Sabbath of our God.
** [[Felicia Hemans]], ''Evening Song of the Tyrolese Peasants''.
* ''Quid sit futurum cras, fuge quærere: et''
''Quem Fors dierum cunque dabit, lucro<br>Appone.''
** Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and to take as a gift whatever the day brings forth.
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', I. 9. 13.
* ''Prudens futuri temporis exitum<br>Caliginosa nocte premit deus.''
** A wise God shrouds the future in obscure darkness.
** [[Horace]], ''Carmina'', III. 29. 29.
* You'll see that, since our fate is ruled by chance,<br> Each man, unknowing, great,<br>Should frame life so that at some future hour<br> Fact and his dreamings meet.
** [[Victor Hugo]], ''To His Orphan Grandchildren''.
* With whom there is no place of toil, no burning heat, no piercing cold, nor any briars there … this place we call the Bosom of Abraham.
** [[Josephus]], ''Discourse to the Greeks concerning Hades''. Homer, ''Odyssey'', VI. 42.
* When Earth's last picture is painted, and the tubes are twisted and dried,<br>When the oldest colours have faded, and the youngest critic has died,<br>We shall rest, and faith, we shall need it—lie down for an æon or two,<br>Till the Master of All Good Workmen shall set us to work anew.
** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''When Earth's Last Picture Is Painted''.
* ''Le présent est gros de l'avenir.''
** The present is big with the future.
** Leibnitz.
* Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!<br> Let the dead Past bury its dead!
** [[Henry Wadsworth Longfellow]], ''A Psalm of Life''.
* There's a good time coming, boys;<br> A good time coming:<br>We may not live to see the day,<br>But earth shall glisten in the ray<br> Of the good time coming.<br>Cannon-balls may aid the truth,<br> But thought's a weapon stronger;<br>We'll win our battle by its aid,<br> Wait a little longer.
** [[Charles Mackay]], ''The Good Time Coming''.
* '''The future is a world limited by ourselves'''; in it we discover only what concerns us and, sometimes, by chance, what interests those whom we love the most.
** [[Maurice Maeterlinck]], ''Joyzelle'', Act I.
* Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
** Matthew, VI. 34.
* '''The wave of the future is coming and there is no fighting it.'''
** [[Anne Morrow Lindbergh]], ''The Wave of the Future'' (1940).
* The never-ending flight<br>Of future days.
** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Lost]]'' (1667; 1674), Book II, line 221.
* There was the Door to which I found no key;<br>There was the Veil through which I might not see.
** [[Omar Khayyam]], ''[[Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam]]'' (1120), Stanza 32. (Later ed.) FitzGerald's translation.
* ''Venator sequitur fugientia; capta relinquit;<br>Semper et inventis ulteriora petit.''
** The hunter follows things which flee from him; he leaves them when they are taken; and ever seeks for that which is beyond what he has found.
** [[Ovid]], ''Amorum'' (16 BC), Book II. 9. 9.
* ''Ludit in humanis divina potentia rebus,<br>Et certam præsens vix habet hora fidem.''
** Heaven makes sport of human affairs, and the present hour gives no sure promise of the next.
** [[Ovid]], ''Epistolæ Ex Ponto'', IV. 3. 49.
* ''Nos duo turba sumus.''
** We two [Deucalion and Pyrrha, after the deluge] form a multitude.
** [[Ovid]], ''Metamorphoses'', I. 355.
* ''Après nous le déluge.''
** After us the deluge.
** Mme. Pompadour. After the battle of Rossbach. See Larousse, ''Fleurs Historiques''. Madame de Hausset, ''Memoirs''. (Ed. 1824), p. 19. Also attributed to Louis XV by the French. Compare Cicero, ''De Finibus'', XI. 16.
* Oh, blindness to the future! kindly giv'n,<br>That each may fill the circle mark'd by heaven.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''An Essay on Man'' (1733-34), Epistle I, line 85.
* In adamantine chains shall Death be bound,<br>And Hell's grim tyrant feel th' eternal wound.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Messiah'', line 47.
* And better skilled in dark events to come.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''The Odyssey'', Book V. 219.
* ''Etwas fürchten und hoffen und sorgen,<br>Muss der Mensch für den kommenden Morgen.''
** Man must have some fears, hopes, and cares, for the coming morrow.
** [[Friedrich Schiller]], ''Die Braut von Messina''.
* But there's a gude time coming.
** [[Walter Scott]], ''Rob Roy'', Chapter XXXII.
* ''Calamitosus est animus futuri anxius.''
** The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Epistolæ Ad Lucilium'', XCVIII.
* How many ages hence<br>Shall this our lofty scene be acted over<br>In states unborn and accents yet unknown.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Julius Caesar (play)|Julius Cæsar]]'' (1599), Act III, scene 1, line 111.
* God, if Thy will be so,<br>Enrich the time to come with smooth-faced peace,<br>With smiling plenty and fair prosperous days!
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]]'' (c. 1591), Act V, scene 5, line 32.
* ''Quid crastina volveret ætas,<br>Scire nefas homini.''
** Man is not allowed to know what will happen to-morrow.
** [[Statius]], ''Thebais'', III. 562.
* Could we but know<br>The land that ends our dark, uncertain travel.
** [[Edmund Clarence Stedman]], ''Undiscovered Country''.
* When the Rudyards cease from Kipling<br> And the Haggards ride no more.
** [[J. K. Stephen]], ''Lapsus Calami''.
* When I am dead let the earth be dissolved in fire.
** Suetonius. Quoting Nero. Nero. 38. Quoted by Milton from Tiberius in his Church Government, Book I, Chapter V. Tiberius, quoting an unknown Greek poet. See note of Leutsch, Appendix II. 56, to Proverbs LVIII. 23. [[Euripides]], ''Fragment Inc. B'', XXVII.
* Till the sun grows cold,<br> And the stars are old,<br>And the leaves of the Judgment Book unfold.
** [[Bayard Taylor]], ''Bedouin Song''.
* ''Istuc est sapere, non quod ante pedes modo est<br>Videre, sed etiam illa, quæ futura sunt<br>Prospicere.''
** That is to be wise to see not merely that which lies before your feet, but to foresee even those things which are in the womb of futurity.
** [[Terence]], ''Adelphi'', III. 3. 32.
* I hear a voice you cannot hear,<br> Which says, I must not stay;<br>I see a hand you cannot see,<br> Which beckons me away.
** [[Thomas Tickell]], ''Colin and Lucy''.
* ''Dabit deus his quoque finem.''
** God will put an end to these also.
** [[Virgil]], ''[[w:Aeneid|Æneid]]'' (29-19 BC), I. 199.
{{misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==
*'''Oogway''': ''' ''[[Yesterday]] is [[history]], [[tomorrow]] is a [[mystery]], but [[today]] is a [[gift]]. That is why it is called the "[[present]]".'' '''
** [[w:Jonathan Aibel|Jonathan Aibel]] and [[w:Glenn Berger|Glen Berger]], ''[[Kung Fu Panda]]'', (2008).
*** '''"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, Today is God's gift,''' that's why we call it the present." (Regarded as an "anonymous poem", in [[w:Joan Chittister|Joan Chittister]]'s ''Heart of Flesh'' (1998), p. 129; in ''Vital Issues: The Journal of African American Speeches'' (1998), Bethune-DuBois Publications, p. 27, and in [[w:Joan Rivers|Joan Rivers]]' "From Mother to Daughter" (1998), p. 30.)
*** '''"Yesterday may be History, Tomorrow is Mystery and Today is our Golden Opportunity!"''' (As quoted in H.S. Cheesbrough's ''Canada Lumberman,'' Volume 62 (1942), Southam-Maclean.
*** "Live today. '''The past is gone. Today is God's gift to us,''' whether it be a day of storm or sunshine. '''Tomorrow may never come,''' and that is immaterial." (From ''Friends' Intelligencer'', Volume 91, No.1-26 (1934), p. 21)
*** '''"Yesterday is history; to-morrow is merely a hope; to-day is the only absolute asset of time that is yours."''' From [[w:Frank Pixley|Frank Pixley]]'s ''Thoughts and Things'' (1912), in , Duffield & Company, p. 29.
{{misattributed end}}
==See also==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
* [[Age of Aquarius]]
* [[Futures studies]]
* [[Futurism]] (art movement)
* [[Incorrect predictions]]
* [[Kali Yuga]]
{{col-2}}
* [[Past]]
* [[Prediction]]
* [[Present]]
* [[Prophecy]]
* [[Puranas]]
* [[Vana Parva]]
* [[Time]]
{{col-end}}
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|future}}
[[Category:Time]]
[[Category:Future| ]]
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:''This entry is about the country; for the bird, see [[Turkeys]].''
[[File:Flag of Turkey.svg|thumb|I immediately liked the people — brave, stoical, generous, hospitable and patriotic, if a little inclined to conspiracy theories. ~ [[Daniel Hannan]]]]
[[File:Istanbul Oct 2019 12 29 37 033000.jpeg|thumb|Turkey has a secular constitution. It's a democratic society where you have gender equality between men and women. It's a member of NATO and is in accession talks with the European Union. ~ [[w:Soner Cagaptay|Soner Cagaptay]]]]
'''[[w:Turkey|Turkey]]''' (Turkish: ''Türkiye''), officially the '''Republic of Turkey''' and '''Türkiye''', is a [[w:Eurasian|Eurasian]] country that stretches across the [[w:Anatolian peninsula|Anatolian peninsula]] in southwestern [[Asia]] and the [[w:Balkan region|Balkan region]] of southeastern [[Europe]]. The modern Republic of Turkey was formed by [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]] during the collapse of the [[Ottoman Empire]] after [[World War I]]. It is a founding member of [[NATO]] and is a candidate for membership in the [[European Union]]. Its current head of state is President [[Recep Tayyip Erdoğan]].
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha|[[#Disputed|Disputed]]}}
== Quotes ==
[[File:Atatürk başında kasketiyle otururken.jpg|thumb|He is a weak ruler who needs religion to uphold his government; it is as if he would catch his people in a trap. My people are going to learn the principles of democracy, the dictates of truth and the teachings of science. Superstition must go. ~ [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|Atatürk]]]]
[[File:1933 09 09 Cumhuriyet 9 Eylul.jpg|thumb|Turks can be killed, but they can never be conquered. ~ [[Napoleon]]]]
[[File:Anafartalar Boulevard, Köklü Office Building and shops, 1950s (16645159247).jpg|thumb|Turkey and Cyprus in particular, while geologically Asian, possess elements of European culture and may be regarded as parts of Europe. ~ [[w:Encyclopædia Britannica|Encyclopædia Britannica]]]]
[[File:DolmabahceMainGate.JPG|thumbnail|[The Ottoman Empire] whose sick body was not supported by a mild and regular diet, but by a powerful treatment, which continually exhausted it. ~ [[Montesquieu]]]]
Hereunder is the [[w:Student Oath (Turkey)|Student Oath]] that all Turkish students had to recite at the beginning of each schoolday until 2013. The original was written in 1933 by [[w:Reşit Galip|Reşit Galip]], the Minister of Education at the time. It has been changed a few times since then, the version that follows is from 1997. "How happy is the one who says I am a Turk" ([[w:Ne mutlu Türküm diyene|Ne mutlu Türküm diyene]]) is a quote from a speech by [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|Atatürk]]. The references to Atatürk were not present in the original, they were added in 1972, by then the [[w:Turkish_Armed_Forces|Turkish military]] had performed two [[Coup d'état|coups]] (in [[w:1960 Turkish coup d'état|1960]] and [[w:1971 Turkish military memorandum|1971]]), partly due to them fearing the country was veering away from Atatürk's ideals. (In the past, the Turkish [[military]] traditionally viewed itself as a guardian of Atatürk's legacy.)
*I am a [[Turks|Turk]], honest and hardworking.<br/>My principle is to protect the younger, to respect the elder, ''to love my homeland and my nation more than myself.''<br/>My ideal is to rise, to progress.<br/>O Great [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|Atatürk]]!<br/>On the path that you have paved, I swear to walk incessantly toward the aims that you have set.<br/>Let my existence be a gift to the Turkish existence.<br/><br/>[[w:Ne mutlu Türküm diyene|How happy is the one who says "I am a Turk!"]]<br/><br/>Original:<br/>''Türk'üm, doğruyum, çalışkanım,''<br/>''İlkem: küçüklerimi korumak, büyüklerimi saymak, yurdumu, milletimi özümden çok sevmektir.''<br/>''Ülküm: yükselmek, ileri gitmektir.''<br/>''Ey Büyük Atatürk!''<br/>''Açtığın yolda, gösterdiğin hedefe durmadan yürüyeceğime ant içerim.''<br/>''Varlığım Türk varlığına armağan olsun.''<br/><br/>''[[w:Ne mutlu Türküm diyene|Ne mutlu Türk'üm diyene!]]''
== Quotes about ==
===A===
* …O Turkish child of future generations! As you see, even under these circumstances and conditions, it is your duty to save the Turkish Independence and the Republic! The strength that you will need is present in the noble blood which flows in your veins!
**[[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]], [http://web.archive.org/web/20190110093404/http://www.ataturksociety.org/about-ataturk/ataturks-speech-to-youth/ Address To Turkish Youth] (20 October 1927)
*The Republic of Turkey cannot be a country of sheikhs, dervishes, and disciples. The truest, most real order is the order of civilisation.
**[[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]], as quoted in ''Atatürk'ün Söylev ve Demeçleri'', Volume II, p. 215
*The torch that the Turkish nation holds in her hand and in her mind, while marching on the road of [[progress]] and [[Civilization|civilisation]], is positive [[Science|sciences]].
**[[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]], [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atat%C3%BCrk%27s_Tenth_Year_Speech speech on the tenth anniversary of the Republic, 1933]
*Turkey's true master is the [[peasant]].
**[[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]], as quoted in ''[http://books.google.co.in/books?id=H9ao45JHuVAC&pg=PT27 U.S.A. Toddler Importing as a Turkish Businessman]'' by Thomas Chi, OilUSA.Co, 1 June 2011, p. 27
* ... He is a weak ruler who needs religion to uphold his government; it is as if he would catch his people in a trap. My people are going to learn the principles of democracy, the dictates of truth and the teachings of science. Superstition must go. Let them worship as they will; every man can follow his own conscience, provided it does not interfere with sane reason or bid him against the liberty of his fellow-men.
** [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]], as quoted in ''Atatürk: The Biography of the founder of Modern Turkey'', by Andrew Mango; "In a book published in 1928, Grace Ellison quotes [Atatürk], presumably in 1926-27", Grace Ellison ''Turkey Today'' (London: Hutchinson, 1928)
===B===
*Turks can be killed, but they can never be conquered.
**[[Napoleon|Napoleon Bonaparte]], as quoted in ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=3MJVAAAAYAAJ Napoleon: In His Own Words]'' (1916)
===C===
===D===
===E===
===F===
===G===
===H===
* I immediately liked the people — [[Bravery|brave]], [[Stoicism|stoical]], [[Generosity|generous]], [[Hospitality|hospitable]] and [[Patriotism|patriotic]], if a little inclined to [[conspiracy theories]].
**[[Daniel Hannan]], [https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/dan-hannan-the-republic-will-survive-trump-but-will-the-republicans "The republic will survive Trump, but will the Republicans?"] (3 September 2018), ''The Washington Examiner''
*Turkey had been our ally in the [[World War I|World War]]. Its unfortunate result was as heavy a burden for Turkey as it was for us. [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk|The great and ingenious reconstructor of the new Turkey]] gave his Allies, beaten by fate, the first example of resurrection. While Turkey, thanks to the realistic attitude of her State leadership, preserved her independent attitude [[Yugoslavia]] fell a victim to [[British Empire|British intrigues]].
** [[Adolf Hitler]], [[s:Adolf Hitler's Address to the Reichstag (4 May 1941)|addressed to the Reichstag on 4 May 1941]].
===I===
* [Türkiye] does not seem to have a system for supporting refugees, not even by placing them in temporary camps as other countries do. This puts the [Ahmadi Religion of Peace and Light] group’s members in the impossible situation of either ending up homeless on the streets [and isolated from each other], or risk becoming illegal and being deported back to their countries of origin.
** [[Massimo Introvigne]] and [[Rosita Šorytė]], [https://bitterwinter.org/ahmadi-religion-of-peace-and-light-a-new-humanitarian-crisis-in-turkiye/ "Ahmadi Religion of Peace and Light: A New Humanitarian Crisis in Türkiye"], ''Bitter Winter'' (July 17, 2024)
===J===
===K===
* We are ever mindful of the vital role which the Turkish nation has played and continues to play in the [[NATO]] defensive shield. We in [[United States|America]] are proud to be allied with the [[Turks|Turkish people]] in a determined effort to bring peace and prosperity to all mankind. Each of our nations can take much pride in the success we have achieved in this great undertaking since 1947. Of great interest to the American people is the progress which Turkey has made in [[Economic development|developing its economy]]. The historical bonds of friendship which unite our nations have been strengthened by [[Harry S. Truman|President Truman]]'s historic decision, and I am confident that, in the future, these ties will grow ever stronger.
** [[John F. Kennedy]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/2236962 Message to the People of Turkey on the 15th Anniversary of the Truman Doctrine Online], The American Presidency Project; 12 March 1962
*Understand this: Turkey is a country whose warnings should be taken seriously and listened to. Don't test Turkey's patience. Try to win its friendship.
**[[w:Serdar Kılıç|Serdar Kılıç]], [http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/24/middleeast/warplane-crashes-near-syria-turkey-border/ ''Twitter''] (24 November 2015).
===L===
===M===
*I recall with pleasant memories of my own visits to Turkey, in 1983 and 1994 and once again in 1997 to attend the first D-8 Summit in [[Istanbul]]. Personally, I have sailed along the beautiful coast of Turkey, in the Aegean and Mediterranean Seas. Turkey is certainly blessed not only with a rich cultural heritage, but magnificent and breathtaking landscape and scenery. Anatolia is truly a cradle of civilisation.
**Malaysian Prime Minister [[Mahathir Mohamad]], [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1374] (13 June 2003)
===O===
===P===
===R===
===S===
*[I]n [[Germany]] we are giving work to two million people from Turkey.
**[[w:Uli Stielike|Uli Stielike]], as quoted in [http://www.abendblatt.de/daten/2003/11/20/232266.html ''Hamburger Abendblatt''] 20 November 2003
**Original German: ''[I]n Deutschland zwei Millionen Menschen aus der Türkei Arbeit geben.''
*“…the [[planet]] from which the little prince came is the asteroid known as B-612. This asteroid has only once been seen through a [[telescope]]. That was by a Turkish astronomer, in 1909. On making his discovery, the [[Astronomy|astronomer]] had presented it to the [[w:International_Astronomical_Congress|International Astronomical Congress]], in a great demonstration. But he was in Turkish costume, and so nobody would believe what he said. …Fortunately, however, for the reputation of Asteroid B-612, a Turkish dictator made a law that his subjects, under pain of [[Capital punishment|death]], should change to [[Europe|European]] costume. So in 1920 the [[Astronomy|astronomer]] gave his demonstration all over again, dressed with impressive style and elegance. And this time everybody accepted his report.”
**''[[The Little Prince]]'' by [[Antoine de Saint Exupéry|Antoine de Saint-Exupéry]] (translated by Katherine Woods), Piccolo Books in association with Heinemann, Pan Books, London, 1974 (first 1945). Quoted in Talageri, S. (2000). The Rigveda: A historical analysis. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan.
===U===
===V===
* I hate [[Defamation|calumny]] so much that I do not want even to impute [[foolishness]] to the Turks, although I detest them as [[Misogyny|tyrants over women]] and enemies of the arts.
** [[Voltaire]], ''[http://history.hanover.edu/texts/voltaire/volmoham.html The Philosophical Dictionary]'' selected and translated by H.I. Woolf (1924)
===W===
* We became acquainted we found the people, whether [[Christianity|Christian]] or Turkish, prevailingly of a friendly, kindly, progressive type, as is often the case with simple-minded people in times of peace.
** {{cite book
| author = George Edward White
| title = Adventuring with Anatolia College
| year = 1940
| publisher = Herald-Register
| pages = p. 18
}}
* I always liked the common Turkish people unless they were stirred to passion by militarists.
** {{cite book
| author = George Edward White
| title = Adventuring with Anatolia College
| year = 1940
| publisher = Herald-Register
| pages = p. 18
}}
* In the College two classes were called preparatory, while four bore the ordinary college class names. The schools from which our students came did not carry them far. When [[United States|Americans]] first came to Turkey, hardly any vernacular was taught anywhere. Instruction was in classic tongues and religious lore. But our students for the most part came with a purpose in modern life. They wanted to attain a worth-while and useful manhood and they felt that the College could give them a start.
** {{cite book
| author = George Edward White
| title = Adventuring with Anatolia College
| year = 1940
| publisher = Herald-Register
| pages = p. 19
}}
* One student told me in after years that when he came to Marsovan [a city in Turkey] he was really illiterate, that is, he could not fairly read his native tongue, or any other. But he had no chance of learning more in his native village. For a number of months he was cow-boy for an American family, and eagerly studying too.
** {{cite book
| author = George Edward White
| title = Adventuring with Anatolia College
| year = 1940
| publisher = Herald-Register
| pages = p. 19
}}
* Another time I was riding alone with a Circassian, and in the talk of man to man in such companionship, asked him a bit about his occupation and his affairs. "Sometimes I get a traveller to escort, like you", he replied, "and then I take him, but my regular business is smuggling tobacco. Every man in our village has a regular job, some are smugglers, some are farmers, and some are thieves". I asked him about his chance of getting caught, and he promptly said, "There are two kinds of smugglers; one kind gets caught and one kind doesn't get caught", and he added a pious expression of gratitude to the good Lord that he never had been put to shame yet. We knew very well that the mounted police of Anatolia were largely recruited from among the robbers and smugglers of the [[mountain]] roads. One of the most effective ways of securing official employment, and who knows what promotion later, was to acquire the reputation of a daring hold-up man on the mountains."
** {{cite book
| author = George Edward White
| title = Adventuring with Anatolia College
| year = 1940
| publisher = Herald-Register
| pages = p. 25
}}
===''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations''===
:<small>Quotes reported in ''[[Wikisource:Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations (1922)|Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations]]'' (1922), p. 823.</small>
* The unspeakable Turk should be immediately struck out of the question, and the country be left to honest European guidance.
** [[Thomas Carlyle]], letter to a meeting at St. James Hall, London, 1876. See also his article on 'Das Niebelungen Lied'' in Westminster Review. 1831. No. 29. Also his Letter to George Howard, Nov. 24, 1876.
* [Turks] one and all, bag and baggage, shall I hope clear out from the province they have desolated and profaned.
** [[William Gladstone]], speech (May 7, 1877).
* The Lofty Gate of the Royal Tent.
** ''Mahomet II''. It was translated "La Porte Sublima" by the Italians. See E. S. Creasy, ''History of the Ottoman Turks'', p. 96, ed. 1877.
* [The Ottoman Empire] whose sick body was not supported by a mild and regular diet, but by a powerful treatment, which continually exhausted it.
** [[Montesquieu]], ''Persian Letters'', I, 19.
* We have on our hands a sick man,—a very sick man. [The sick man of Europe, the Turk.]
** [[Nicholas I]], of Russia. Conversation with Sir George Hamilton Seymour. (1853). See ''Blue Book'' (1854).
* [The Ottoman Empire] has the body of a sick old man, who tried to appear healthy, although his end was near.
** Sir [[Thomas Roe]], Ambassador to Constantinople. See Buchanan, Letter, 375.
* Your Majesty may think me an impatient sick man, and that the Turks are even sicker.
** [[Voltaire]] to Catherine II. In the Rundschau (April, 1878).
{{Disputed begin}}
==Disputed==
*For nearly five hundred years, these rules and theories of an Arab Shaikh and the interpretations of generations of lazy and good-for-nothing priests have decided the civil and criminal law of Turkey. They have decided the form of the Constitution, the details of the lives of each Turk, his food, his hours of rising and sleeping the shape of his clothes, the routine of the midwife who produced his children, what he learned in his schools, his customs, his thoughts-even his most intimate habits. Islam – this theology of an immoral Arab – is a dead thing. Possibly it might have suited tribes in the desert. It is no good for modern, progressive state. God’s revelation! There is no God! These are only the chains by which the priests and bad rulers bound the people down. A ruler who needs religion is a weakling. No weaklings should rule.
** [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]], as quoted in ''Grey Wolf: Mustafa Kemal – An intimate study of a dictator'' (1932) by Harold Courtenay Armstrong, pp. 199-200
{{Disputed end}}
==See also==
*[[Europe|European Union]]
== External links ==
{{wikiversity|Comparative law and justice/Turkey}}
{{wikivoyage}}
*{{wikipedia-inline}}
*{{wiktionary-inline|Turkey}}
*{{commonscat-inline}}
*{{wikisource-inline|Category:Turkey}}
* [http://www.oswego.edu/~baloglou/anatolia/anat-5.html "Ottoman Anatolia: #5: Mountain life (1892)"], George Baloglou, Associate Professor of Mathematics, [[w:State University of New York|State University of New York]] - Oswego
[[Category:Turkey| ]]
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*[[Wikiquote:Dictionary of Legal Quotations]]
*[[meta:Wikiquote|List of Wikiquote wikis etc]]
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:'''Seasons:''' [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 1|1]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 2|2]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 3|3]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 4|4]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 5|5]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 6|6]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 7|7]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 8|8]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 9|9]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 10|10]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 11|11]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 12|12]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 13|13]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 14|14]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 15|15]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 16|16]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 17 (All-Stars)|17]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 18 (Rookies vs. Veterans)|18]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 19 (Las Vegas)|19]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 20 (Young Guns)|20]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 21 (Battle of the Ages)|21]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 22 (The American Dream)|22]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 23 (Head Chefs Only)|23]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 24 (Battle of the States)|24]] | '''[[Hell's Kitchen|Main]]'''
----
<br>
'''''[[w:Hell's Kitchen (U.S.)|Hell's Kitchen]]''''' is an American cooking reality show based on [[w:Hell's Kitchen (UK)|the British program of the same title]], where Chef [[w:Gordon Ramsay|Gordon Ramsay]] puts aspiring chefs through different challenges and dinner services to decide who is the best.
=== Episode One [7.01] ===
:''[Signature dishes. The sixteen chefs meet in front of Chef Ramsay. Among them is [[:wikipedia:Tana Ramsay|Tana Ramsay]] in disguise.]
:'''Gordon''': OK, there's a few out there that are executive chefs, right? ''[Jay and Siobhan raises their hands]'' OK, good. There was one I seem to remember...you, (points to Tana) with the glasses.
:'''Tana''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': What do you do for a living?
:'''Tana''': I'm a mom, but I'm a cookbook author.
:'''Gordon''': Never worked in a restaurant?
:'''Tana''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': OK, let's start from the bottom. Bring your dish.
:'''Fran''': (whispering) Oh, geez.
:'''Gordon''': Apart from it looking like baby vomit, what is that?
:'''Tana''': It's a veal scallopini.
:'''Gordon''': (tastes the dish, whispers) Oh, God. (to the lady) Listen to me. That dish... was delicious.
:'''Tana''': (smiles) Thank you, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I mean, I'm shocked. It may look slightly dull and boring, a little bit like you, but well done! (the chefs laugh) Don't look so nervous.
:'''Tana''': You're scary.
:'''Gordon''': OK, let me give you a hug. (hugs her) There. Right. Relax! Relax, relax, relax.
:'''Maria''': (interview) That is not his side. He doesn't just hug people. He's not that type of person. He's not personable at all.
:'''Gordon''': What a great start! If that's a sign of things to come, well done! Thank you! (kisses her on her cheeks) God, it was good! ''[kisses her on her lips; the chefs were shocked and started laughing]''
:'''Holli''': I wanted to be first! (the others laugh)
:'''Jamie''': (interview) Chef Ramsay, you're a little slutty.
:'''Siobhan''': (interview) I was just so stunned. Chef Ramsay really did like that dish.
:'''Gordon''': That was fucking amazing. ''[chefs laugh again]'' (to the chefs) Listen to me, before we go any further: this person is not who you think she is. (the lady removes her glasses) This person...is... my wife (Tana removes her disguise), Tana. (to Tana) Take that off. ''[chefs gave her an applause]''
:'''Jay''': (interview) Thank God it's his wife. He just, like, licked her teeth.
:'''Gordon''': (to Tana) A job well done. ''[kisses her again]''
:'''Jay''': (interview) What a filthy bastard!
:'''Gordon''': (to the chefs) The point I'm trying to make is that I don't give two fucks about how much experience you've got. What I do care about is who has the magic? Who has it? She definitely has it. (to Tana) Well done, my darling.
:'''Tana''': Thank you. (to the chefs) Good luck to you all.
:'''Gordon''': Thank you for helping make my point. Thank you. ''[chefs applaud]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': ''[looking at Holli's signature dish]'' Now what the fuck is that thing there?
:'''Holli''': Halibut wrapped in a banana leaf.
:'''Gordon''': And that's your signature dish? ''[throws away the leaf]''
:'''Holli''': It's a... like a classic Indian dish.
:'''Gordon''': I've been to India. I haven't seen food like that.
:'''Holli''': It's Northern Indian.
:'''Gordon''': Northern Indian?
:'''Holli''': I believe... yeah, yeah, Northern Indian. I believe it's, um, has...
:'''Gordon''': ''[tastes and spits it out]'' Ugh!
:'''Holli''': I messed it up a bit.
:'''Gordon''': You messed it up a bit?
:'''Holli''': Yes, I did.
:'''Gordon''': You're being polite! ''[dumps the dish in the trash]'' Holli, that was a disaster. One (point) for the men. Well done.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': ''[looking at Andrew's signature dish]'' Right. Now, what is that?
:'''Andrew Forster''': That's steak tartare. (licks his lips, scary music plays) I guess the inspiration from that came from the fact that I've raised and butchered my own animals...and I like to eat them raw. (the other chefs are shocked by this fact) (interview) When I win this competition, I'm going to buy two walk-in coolers. That's all I want is two walk-in coolers.
:'''Gordon''': Are you some form of Hell's Kitchen Hannibal Lecter?
:'''Andrew Forster''': Maybe. (interview) Then I can start butchering animals, which is what I like to do.
:'''Gordon''': (tastes the tartare) Bland. What a shame. (to Nilka) OK, Nilka, why did you become a chef?
:'''Nilka''': I love cooking. That's my passion. (interview) I'm a single mom with three kids. I want to teach my kids that in order to get something in life, you have to go for it. I know I'm going to win Hell's Kitchen. I will not settle for less.
:'''Gordon''': And this is your...
:'''Nilka''': My sweet and spicy wings.
:'''Gordon''': So, chicken wings?
:'''Nilka''': Uh-huh. This is an old family favorite.
:'''Gordon''': (bites into a wing) Fucking hell, they're hot. My lips are fucking burning!
:'''Nilka''': I apologize, chef.
:'''Gordon''': How much Tabasco did you put in there?
:'''Nilka''': Um, half a bottle.
:'''Gordon''': Half a bottle of Tabasco?!
:'''Fran''': (whispering) We're screwed.
:'''Nilka''': I apologize.
:'''Gordon''': (drinks water and spits it out) Jesus shit!
:'''Siobhan''': Holy shit!
:'''Gordon''': That's going to blow your fucking asshole out, that! Burned my mouth. Nobody gets a point, but the men win. Congratulations, well done.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Narrator''': While the red team gets a pep talk from Autumn, over in the blue kitchen, Chef Ramsay looks for Benjamin to maintain Hell's Kitchen's standards.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, guys, get a grip, huh? And you start tasting stuff, huh?
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef. (tastes the risotto and puts the spoon back in it.)
:'''Gordon''': Ah, fuck me. Hey, Benjamin!
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Come here! There's customers standing right over there.
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're tasting the food and putting the spoon back in it!
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef. (interview) I stirred it. I tasted it. I stirred it again instead of dropping my spoons in the water.
:'''Gordon''': You can't stand there and eat the food and dip it with your fucking saliva in there and then serve it! I'm not serving that!
:'''Benjamin''': Throw it away, let's start again, yeah?
:'''Narrator''': Benjamin's performance has left a bad taste in Chef Ramsay's mouth.
<hr width=50%>
:''[6:48 PM]''
:'''Narrator''': It's 45 minutes into dinner service, and Chef Ramsay's guarantee to serve every customer is in danger.
:'''Nilka''': (serving tableside) Just be patient and he'll get the entrées out.
:'''Narrator''': He's hopeful that Jamie's first entrée will get things rolling in the right direction.
:'''Gordon''': What in the fuck is that?
:'''Jamie Bisoulis''': More in the oven chef, right?
:'''Gordon''': Oh, leave me alone. Leave me fucking alone. (slams the beef on the stove) Just touch that there. Just all of you put your fingers on there!
:'''Maria''': Cold, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, there you go.
:'''Maria''': Yes, this is very cold.
:'''Gordon''': Come here, you, touch it! It's like cold cream on a fucking hot steak! (Maria laughs, Gordon stares at her) Maria, madam. Let me tell you something. There's nothing right now to laugh about. I can't get sautéed potatoes, and there, you (Stacey), she's on her third time cooking scallops, and you think it's funny?
:'''Maria''': But...you're right. Right. (laughs again)
:'''Gordon''': Now she's laughing again! What's funny then, Maria?
:'''Maria''': Chef, nothing's funny.
:'''Gordon''': You're not laughing, no? I'm seeing things. Hey, come here a minute, yeah. Jamie - hey, Fran, come here. You, come here. Hey: you, you, you, fuck off out of here! We'll finish the service. GET OUT! You (Siobhan), on meat!
:'''Fran''': Chef, I'm not leaving my team, chef!
:'''Gordon''': I'm telling you, if you don't get out, I'll ''drag'' you out! Get upstairs to the dorm! Videos, recipes, demos, it's a fucking joke!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Mikey brings halibut up to the pass after being rushed by Scott Hawley]''
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off! Mikey, come here! '''''COME HERE!''''' (kicks the bins) There you go, raw fucking halibut! (smashes it) Shit!
:'''Mikey''': (interview) Chef Ramsay dynamites the thing right in front of us. There was like halibut shrapnel all over us.
:'''Gordon''': Raw! '''RAAAAAAW, RAWWW!''' '''SHIT!'''
:'''Mikey''': (interview) Scott was making me look bad.
:'''Mikey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': '''RAW!'''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': Capellini, risotto, one scallops. How long?
:'''Benjamin''': Five minutes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Five minutes? Get your rice in there!
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're cooking the risotto with no fucking rice in there! How's that possible?
:'''Benjamin''': It's not possible, chef.
:'''Gordon''': The fucking rice has to go in before the stock!
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef.
:'''Salvatore''': (interview) Benjamin, is a shit chef. He can't even cook a fucking risotto. He's a chef.
:'''Gordon''': What's Salvatore doing? Put it down. It's a cold pan. You got to get the pan hot first. This is basic now!
:'''Salvatore''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You can't put fucking cold food into a cold pan. It absorbs the olive oil. So in the center of the potato, it's like eating a mouthful of grease!
:'''Salvatore''': Yes, chef. Sorry chef.
:'''Gordon''': There's two of you on there. How long?....He's not even listening! (calls out Salvatore and Benjamin) Hey, do me a fa - come here, you! Hey, you as well! (Calling out to blue-haired Jay) Hey, where's fucking Smurf? SMURF! Come here, will you? You and you, fuck off, will you? Get out! Piss off! I'm not going to stand here and struggle time after time!
:'''Salvatore''': (interview) I don't know what happened. I got lost with the freaking appetizers.
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off up to the dorm, GET OUTTA HERE!
:'''Salvatore''': (interview) Maybe he don't likes the way I talk. I don't know. He don't likes me, who knows? Maybe he don't likes Italian people.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks on halibut brought up by Mikey; after finding out that it's still raw, he has had it]''
:'''Gordon''': Halibut's raw. Unbelievable. Mikey!
:'''Mikey''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Come here. Again, raw! Fucking! Halibut! Take that, yeah? Do me a favour: FUCK OFF! GET OUT! Up to the FUCKING dorms, and get your fucking hair done. GET IT OUT OF MY KITCHEN! What is going on?!
:'''Jason''': (interview) It was fucked up, both sides. It was man down. Man down everywhere.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon calls both teams to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': You guys are fucking USELESS, but I am NOT going to shut this fucking place down! (to the red team) You, you, you, over there (the blue kitchen), work together! '''DOUBLE UP!'''
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Move your arse!
:'''Holli''': What do you guys need?
:'''Gordon''': Fucking hell. What do you need, yeah? I need 16 cooks.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': It's a good thing Stacey's a private chef. Her food wasn't good enough for the public.
=== Episode Two [7.02] ===
:''[During the eggs four way challenge. Siobhan who was to have cooked all four eggs by herself is next.]''
:'''Gordon''': Siobhan by herself. Soft boiled egg, how long did you boil it for?
:'''Siobhan''': Um I....I just cook them every day chef so I have a very good grasp of how long they are cooked for.
:'''Gordon''': Just answer me the question. How long did you cook it for?
:'''Siobhan''': My teammates helped me, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Your teammates helped you?
:'''Siobhan''': Yes chef.
:'''Gordon''': I asked you to work on your own. Because I put you out, singled you out thinking that you could cook fucking eggs four ways.
:'''Siobhan''': I could and I wanted to.
:'''Gordon''': You were working by yourself. So if you wanted to, why didn't you?
:'''Siobhan''': Because there was pressure from my team.
:'''Nilka''': Are you serious?
:'''Siobhan''': Not from my team, from Autumn.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, Christ almighty.
:'''Autumn''': I just said, "Let me give you a hand." I can help you make one of the eggs.
:'''Gordon''': Which one of these four eggs did you do?
:'''Siobhan''': I did the poached egg, chef.
:'''Gordon''': So you only poached one egg in five minutes?
:'''Siobhan''': I did two poached eggs.
:'''Gordon''': One simple instruction, how can I make it any more fucking clearer than that?!
:'''Siobhan''': I should've pushed her out of the way and I'm so mad at myself that I didn't. ''[starts crying]'' I'm so mad. (interview) I should have not listened to my teammates that were forcing me to do something that I should've known it was wrong to do. And I'm just so mad at myself.
:'''Gordon''': Listen please! You do as I say! Holy Moses!
:'''Narrator''': Siobhan failed to follow his instructions and did not work on her own.
:'''Gordon''': Is that what you're capable of doing?
:'''Siobhan''': No, I'm so mad that I didn't step up and push her out of the way.
:'''Autumn''': (interview) Siobhan got flustered and pointed fingers at me. She doesn't have a lot of backbone and under the pressure, she just doesn't know when to shut her mouth.
:'''Gordon''': So you're only going to get credited for the ones you did yourself. So you did the poached egg yes? ''[tastes]'' That's delicious, one point.
:'''Siobhan''': Thank you, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off, yes?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Next pair, Fran and Autumn. Let's go. Soft boiled egg, ''[slices off the top]'' Hold on a minute. Who cooked this?
:'''Autumn''': I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[tastes]'' Delicious.
:'''Autumn''': Thank you, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Fran]'' Which one did you cook?
:'''Fran''': Scrambled, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[cuts into scrambled egg, which turns out to be overcooked]'' Well that's chopped omelet. Ooh. Sunny side up. ''[tastes]'' Not an ounce of salt anywhere. Fucking lazy cooking. ''[checks the poached egg which is stuck to the plate]'' Who poached this egg?
:'''Siobhan''': I poached that egg, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, Jesus! One point. Fuck off, will you, yeah? Sorry, plain fucking English.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Uh... Blue Jay?
:'''Jay''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': ''[referring to Salvatore]'' Run upstairs and get Bozo for me, please.
:'''Jay''': Oui, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Salvatore! ''[pause]'' That's the wellington cooked perfectly.
:'''Salvatore''': Thank you, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Where is the fucking chicken?
:'''Salvatore''': (to Jason)'' The chicken?
:'''Jason Ellis''': ''[slices chicken breast and sees that it's raw]'' Fuck! Should be ready. Damn!
:'''Ed''': Hold it, you got to get that chicken to the window!
:'''Jason Ellis''': I got it.
:'''Salvatore''': (interview) He's always, "I got it. I got it. I got it." You ain't got shit out.
:'''Gordon''': Where's the fucking chicken? Jason, can you talk to me please?!
:'''Jason Ellis''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Where's the fucking CHICKEN?!
:'''Jason Ellis''': Two minutes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[throws a spoon]'' Oh fuck off. ''[sees what Jason is doing]'' Is that - oh, fuck off! I'm not cooking like that.
:'''Benjamin''': (interview) He was rushing his chicken. The chicken wasn't even ready. Jason's not taking care of business. He totally fucked us.
:'''Gordon''': Come here you. So the fucking chicken's raw, yeah, and you're frying it like a fucking first class - look at that. That's your best?!
:'''Jason Ellis''': No, chef! (interview) Yes, chef, I fucked the chicken up! He got in my face. I took it like a man. Started over with a brand new chicken.
:'''Gordon''': Fine dining?!
:'''Jason Ellis''': No, chef!
:'''Gordon''': A fine fucking '''MESS!''' ''[kicks the bin]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': There's a clear lack of communication in the red kitchen. But over on the blue side, Andrew is having a pleasant conversation...
:'''Andrew Forster''': Shit. Stay right there. Stay hot.
:'''Narrator''': ...with the garnishes?
:'''Andrew Forster''': Stay cool. Stay there. Don't shit you. ''[pushes Mikey aside]'' Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away!
:'''Ed''': (interview) Andrew was doing great on garnishes and then all of a sudden, he flipped his lid and started talking like a maniac.
:'''Mikey''': What do you need?
:'''Andrew Forster''': What do I need? I need to get out of the fucking weeds! That's what I need! What the hell do you think I need?!
:'''Ed''': (interview) I don't know what that was.
:'''Andrew Forster''': Tell me how the salmon is. Please talk to me.
:'''Benjamin''': Two and a half minutes.
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': I don't care if I get the salmon last. I want to make sure that the garnish is ready.
:'''Andrew Forster''': Holy shit!!
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': Send the fucking plates.
:'''Andrew Forster''': Holy shit! Yes chef! Coming over. Coming over. Blue Jay? Come here for a second. Please start bringing these garnishes up or he will fucking kill me.
:'''Gordon''': Mash please! Where is it? ''[Jay brings the mashed potatoes]'' Why is Jay on the fucking garnish?
:'''Andrew Forster''': Holy shit!! Grrrrrrrr!!
:''[Gordon checks on mash potatoes brought up by Andrew; finds out that it's extremely thin and runny]''
:'''Gordon''': What's he done?
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': Potato soup.
:'''Andrew Forster''': ''[to himself]'' Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!
:'''Gordon''': Blue team, come here all of you, a minute. That's you as well, Salvatore! There you go, there's our mashed potato! There you fucking go!
:''[Andrew takes back the mashed potato, then puts some fresh mashed potato into the same batch]''
:'''Gordon''': Don't add it—Oh, no.
:'''Andrew Forster''': What?!
:'''Gordon''': Come here, you idiot! Let me fucking explain why!
:'''Andrew Forster''': Yes, please do.
:'''Gordon''': You've put the thick stuff in, and you add the runny to it.
:'''Andrew Forster''': That was a brilliant idea, chef.
:'''Gordon''': "That's a brilliant idea, chef!" You think this is funny, don't you?
:'''Andrew Forster''': No, I don't think this is funny.
:'''Gordon''': So we're serving liquid fucking mashed potato, so I expect you to put that fucking fresh stuff in a pan, and you add the liquid to it! That's not going to make any ounce of difference there, it's gone!
:'''Andrew Forster''': That's not true.
:'''Jason Ellis''': (interview) Man, this guy, damn! He's just crazy!
:'''Andrew Forster''': And now you're going to tell me I can't cook in the sauté pan?
:'''Jason Ellis''': (interview) Chef Ramsay, he's like the [[w:Jay-Z|Jay-Z]] of fucking restaurants! You don't talk back to a man like that!
:'''Gordon''': Come here! I'm fucking losing my temper with you. Say that again?
:'''Andrew Forster''': So now I've got to take it out of the sauté pan?
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, come here you. Get out!
:''[Chef Ramsay ushers Andrew out of the kitchen, into the dining area]''
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, get out.
:'''Andrew Forster''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, fuck off.
:''[Chef Ramsay and Andrew are standing in the dining area]''
:'''Gordon''': You don't care, you've got no respect, and do you know what? You're a fucking ''joke'' to the industry.
:'''Andrew Forster''': Am I?
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, that's what you are! Fuck off! ''[walks back into the kitchen]'' That guy's fucking useless.
:''[Andrew walks through the dining room towards the front exit; Jean-Phillipe catches up to him]''
:'''Jean-Phillipe''': What's wrong?
:'''Andrew Forster''': Nothing's wrong with me, JP.
:'''Jean-Phillipe''': What are you doing here?
:'''Andrew Forster''': I'm walking out the damn door! What does it look like I'm doing? That man asked me to leave, and you expect me to stay here?!
:'''Jean-Phillipe''': He's just testing you.
:'''Andrew Forster''': Right, and if I go back in there, I don't want to hear him yell at me again.
:'''Jean-Phillipe''': There are, I don't know how many people which would be willing to be in your shoes now.
:'''Andrew Forster''': ''[kicks his shoes off]'' You know what, they can take my shoes, JP.
:'''Jean-Phillipe''': But...
:'''Andrew Forster''': I don't need this. I'm walking out these doors. (interview) Chef Ramsay got pissed at me. I'm sure he looks at me as a little prick. Whatever, I don't really care what Chef Ramsay thinks of me. I'm done. Have a nice day!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jason Ellis''': (interview) Andrew? I don't know what happened to that cat. Chef Ramsay hit his ass with some fairy dust and made his ass disappear.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': The person leaving Hell's Kitchen, all for the right reasons... Mikey. Get your fucking arse up here. ''[Mikey walks up to Ramsay]'' You backed your team up. But not just one service, ''two'' shit services...
:''[Flashback of Mikey's two miserable dinner services]''
:'''Gordon''': ...and I can't work with that.
:'''Mikey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Take your jacket off. ''[Mikey gives his jacket to Chef Ramsay and leaves]''
:'''Mikey''': (interview) Chef Ramsay really didn't like my performance. I know I did crappy, but I still got my tattoo of Hell's Kitchen, and I wear it with pride. I don't regret a thing coming here, and I accept my fate.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Mikey was all about appearances. Unfortunately for him, it didn't appear he could cook.
=== Episode Three [7.03] ===
:''[Salvatore is an assistant maître d' for tonight's service and brings tickets to the pass.]''
:'''Gordon''': Salvatore, show me. Oh my God! What is that? What is that?
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': Ah, I can't read that.
:'''Gordon''': Are you writing in Japanese? Fuck off will you, yes?
<hr width=50%>
:''[Salvatore returns a wellington to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': What's wrong with that?
:'''Salvatore''': It's that she requested medium well.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, and it's not wrote on the ticket!
:'''Salvatore''': Yes chef.
:'''Gordon''': It's not on the fucking ticket! What do you want me to do now? Do you want to fuck your team? Go in there, take it to them, there you go.
:'''Salvatore''': Now he's going to lose his shit. ''[walks into the blue kitchen]'' Guys, please, may I please have a wellington medium well? Please on the fly? Thank you very much.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, basically, it's not even written out on the ticket. So we sent it out perfectly, and it's not your fault, okay? ''[to Salvatore]'' Don't you dare! Hey, hello! Get rid of that plate! Take the fucking plate and fuck off!
:'''Salvatore''': (interview) I take and take it, only so many I can take. How much can I take?
:'''Salvatore''': (walking past JP) Fuck this.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Where are you going?
:'''Salvatore''': I'm leaving. (interview) Sooner or later, you start breaking apart.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Salvatore... Salvatore...
:'''Salvatore''': (interview) That's it.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Salvatore.
:'''Salvatore''': I'm done.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Salvatore, hey do me a favour, don't - don't do that! Salvatore, fight back, young man!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': Where's the halibut?
:'''Siobhan''': Right here, chef. ''(brings her halibut to the pass)''
:'''Nilka''': Let's push!
:''[Gordon checks the halibut; finds that it's raw]''
:'''Gordon''': Dear, oh dear. Siobhan! ''(returns to the workstation)'' There you go, come here. Just touch in there, all of you and you as well Jamie.
:'''Siobhan''': That's my fault.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, touch FUCKING THAT!! ''[violently smashes the halibut]'' So you're wasting all this time wiping her ''[Jamie]'' ass, and making ''your''self look stupid. Now I've got a raw halibut!
:'''Siobhan''': Yes, chef!
=== Episode Four [7.04] ===
:'''Narrator''': Siobhan is ready with her second attempt at the crab capellini.
:'''Siobhan''': Hot pan. ''(brings her capellini to the pass; Gordon checks it; finds that it contains lobster again instead of crab)''
:'''Gordon''': It's the lobster again. ''(returns to the workstation)'' I've got lobster in the fucking capellini!
:'''Siobhan''': Chef, I pulled the one right here that says crab.
:'''Holli''': No, it's not.
:'''Siobhan''': It says crab.
:'''Gordon''': Look! Look! Come here! ''(gets some lobster)'' What are they? Wha-wha-wha-
:'''Siobhan''': Oh, yeah. That is lobster.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, come on. ''[shot of [[:wikipedia:Kevin Frazier|Kevin Frazier]] and his wife at the Chef's Table]'' Even though it says crab, look at it. What is it?
:'''Siobhan''': That looks like lobster, chef.
:'''Gordon''': That's the second time.
:'''Siobhan''': (interview) Crab was not crab. It was lobster.
:'''Gordon''': Where's the crab?
:'''Siobhan''': (interview) It was lobster.
:'''Gordon''': Oh.
:'''Siobhan''': Here it is chef. I got it.
:'''Gordon''': How can we not spot it twice, Siobhan?
:'''Siobhan''': My fault, chef. (interview; sighs)
<hr width=50%>
''[Gordon checks on beef brought up by Scott Hawley]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, dear. Scott! (returns to the workstation)
:'''Scott Hawley''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': All of you, come here!! Just touch that beef. Just touch it, hurry up. (points to Jason) How's that temperature?
:'''Jason Ellis''': Rare.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah? How's that temperature?
:'''Blue team''': Rare.
:'''Gordon''': (to Scott Hawley) That's fucking rare. I requested it medium!
:'''Scott Hawley''': It was medium-rare for me, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're fucking miles off! And each and every one in your fucking team said it's undercooked! Just get it in the oven!!
:'''Scott Hawley''': Yes, chef.
<hr width=50%>
''[Gordon checks on wellingtons brought up by Scott Hawley]''
:'''Gordon''': It's fucking raw.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Yeah, that's no good.
:'''Gordon''': Everybody, come here a minute! Just touch that! I requested it rare!
:'''Blue team''': Raw.
:'''Gordon''': There's a big fucking difference between rare and raw! '''WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SCOTT?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON?'''
:'''Scott Hawley''': Nothing chef.
:'''Jason Ellis''': (interview) Scott fucked up twice; he destroyed us tonight. He should be gone.
:'''Jay''': (interview) Scott tries to be the leader, the best, bla-bla-bla, but that was still mooing.
:'''Gordon''': It's bright white fat! It's fucking raw!
:'''Ed''': How long, Scott?
:'''Scott Hawley''': I need 3 minutes, okay?
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off, okay?!
=== Episode Five [7.05] ===
[During the pork challenge]
:'''Gordon''': What's your dish?
:'''Nilka''': (sighs) We have blood sausage with a prune purée.
:'''Gordon''': Already you look negative.
:'''Nilka''': I'm not pleased with the plate, that's why I don't look happy. I'm really, really not.
:''[Gordon tastes the dish, then spits it out in disgust]''
:'''Gordon''': Ugh, that's shit. Who in the ''fuck'' chose prunes with blood sausage? Talk to me, red team!
:''[flashback to Scott Hawley telling Nilka and Fran to cook the prunes with blood sausage. In the present, Maria and Fran point at Scott]''
:'''Fran''': (interview) It was his decision to put those items together on the plate, and Scott's trying not to own up to it.
:'''Nilka''': It went completely wrong.
:'''Gordon''': Understatement of the year!
:'''Nilka''': (interview) I knew it. I'd rather have just gone up there with an empty plate, like "voilà, chef!"
:'''Gordon''': That's a fucking disaster. (throws the plate away)
:'''Maria''': D'oh!
:'''Gordon''': Right, Benjamin. What is that?
:'''Benjamin''': We have a pan-roasted pork loin, drizzled with thyme, star anise and baby bok choi. (interview) The dish that we did was a beautiful dish. The pork was fucking gorgeous.
:'''Gordon''': That was delicious. Just... phenomenal.
:'''Benjamin''': (interview) I mean, I would have made love to it right there.
<hr width=50%>
:''[The final round of the pork challenge, with the teams tied 1-1]''
:'''Gordon''': Maria, what is that?
:'''Maria''': You know, when we had sweet potato, I was like, "sweet potato soup," and then ham-hock, and then we do a honey-infused oil. We put another pan over it and let it pressure cook, and like, one sprig again, of thyme, we just let it marinade. Not, like, a lot. At all.
:'''Gordon''': Breathe.
:'''Maria''': (interview) I don't know, maybe I talk a little too much. I don't know if it's just flat-out a lack of self-control. It's just outrageous. Look at me now, I can't even stop myself.
:'''Gordon''': Nice soup. The winning dish? (looks at Maria) Congratulations... (Maria smiles) ...you've just screwed your team! (Maria looks upset) Listen to me. I asked for the hamhock as the main ingredient. And you're serving me a sweet potato soup garnished with a spoonful of ham-hock? Blue team, congratulations. Back in line!
:'''Maria''': (interview) Wonderful. Idiot, I'm an idiot.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Salvatore, as a waiter, hands his ticket to Gordon Ramsay]''
:'''Gordon''': Let's go. (looks at the ticket) Oh, Jesus. What is that there? What does that say? What - what - you went to school, right?
:'''Salvatore''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (shocked) You didn't go to school?
:'''Salvatore''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': What were you doing?
:'''Salvatore''': Came to America because my family needed me, needed money.
:'''Gordon''': So what were you doing when you didn't go to school?
:'''Salvatore''': Working every day, chef, to feed - to help my father and my mom's bills.
:'''Gordon''': Thank you for being honest.
:'''Salvatore''': I ''was'' being honest, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Just ''take your time''!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks on fried chicken brought up by Scott Hawley]''
:'''Gordon''': How long's he been cooking this for? Scott: this chicken is like something from outer space. Just feel it a little bit. It's cooked to fuck! It's like something from a leftover fast food joint, Scott! Pathetic.
:'''Siobhan''': (interview) Scott's got the most experience, but he still screwed up the whole chicken section. I mean, just a complete disaster.
:'''Gordon''': ''[Scott opens the oven door]'' Blackened bullshit chicken. ''[sees Maria next to the open oven]'' Oh my God. Close the fucking oven door! ''[goes over to Scott's station and closes the oven door]'' I don't want a conversation going on with the oven door open. She's (Maria) going to come pass with a fucking pan, walking back and BANG! One fuckin' arm in the fryer, one in the fuckin' stove! Now STOP IT!!
:'''Scott Hawley''': Yes chef.
:'''Fran''': (interview) He was working so dangerous, Scott. He should've known better.
:'''Gordon''': We never cook with the door open! '''Health and fucking safety!'''
:'''Scott Hawley''': This is the worst fucking night of my life right now. (interview) I feel miserable right now. Thank god nobody got hurt.
:'''Gordon''': We're now the most dangerous kitchen in the fucking country!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Only one minute remaining on the Red team's half of service on Barbecue night.]''
:''[Gordon checks on burgers brought up by Siobhan]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh dear. All of you come here! ALL OF '''YOU'''! ''[Shows Siobhan that the burger is raw]''
:'''Siobhan''': That's my fault. Completely my fault. It was the last one I did.
:'''Gordon''': ''[smashes the burger 4 times]'' IT'S FUCKING RAW!
:'''Siobhan''': I should've asked - I needed more time.
:'''Gordon''': STOP! Time's up. Enough is enough! Fucking shut it down!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Maria returns to the pass with dates]''
:'''Gordon''': What's the matter?
:'''Maria''': Doesn't want the dates.
:'''Gordon''': Why?
:'''Maria''': Because I sold the - I wrote down dates and they wanted shrimp.
:'''Gordon''': So you're lying to me. You fucked up the order.
:'''Maria''': Not intentionally.
:'''Gordon''': Not intent - Come in here you! Come in! Come in! COME IN!!
:'''Maria''': (interview) Surprise! I screwed up, again. ''[enters the blue kitchen]'' I wrote down shrimp and they wanted dates. Er, I wrote down dates and they wanted shrimp.
:'''Jay''': Okay.
:'''Gordon''': Basically, she fucked up the order! Yeah, she fucked up the order. ''[Throws the dates in the bin]'' Fucking bullshit!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Narrator''': With the clock running out on their two hours...
:'''Gordon''': Come on guys, you got 25 minutes to go yes?
:'''Narrator''': ...the blue team is moving quickly but not carefully.
:'''Gordon''': ''[finds fried chicken along with fries in the fryer]'' All of you, come here! ''[gets the fryer and slams it on the stove]'' So who's the fucking smart-arse? Who's the fucking smart-arse?
:'''Jason Ellis''': I put the chicken in there chef.
:'''Gordon''': What, with the fries?
:'''Jason Ellis''': I just dropped the chicken in the fries chef.
:'''Benjamin''': Let's go! Go with the chicken! Come on!
:'''Gordon''': Jason! Jason, look at me!
:'''Jason Ellis''': Yes, chef! I'm looking.
:'''Gordon''': It's not fucking good enough!
:'''Jason Ellis''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': It's a fucking fine dining restaurant, yeah? Not a fucking fast food pick up joint! Get the fries out of there first, ''then'' put your fucking chicken in there!
:'''Jason Ellis''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Thank you!
:'''Jason Ellis''': The fries weren't done, chef.
:'''Gordon''': The fries are a fucking side! Get your chicken going and get the fucking - Listen to me Jason!
:'''Jason Ellis''': I'M LISTENING CHEF!
:'''Gordon''': THEN DO IT THEN! '''DO IT!'''
:'''Jason Ellis''': I'M DOING IT CHEF!! I don't want to put up with this fucked-up ass bullshit. It's fuckin' crazy. I don't give a fuck. Fuck it.
=== Episode Six [7.06] ===
:'''Gordon''': ''[tonight is family night]'' Now, there's going to be a lot of children. Don't make me fucking swear tonight!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': Where's the spaghetti? Who's cooking the spaghetti?
:'''Scott Hawley''': I don't know. Is the spaghetti coming out?
:'''Gordon''': What do you mean, "I don't know"? Why aren't you discussing it together? Fucking hell, first ticket. Who's cooking the spaghetti?
:'''Siobhan''': ''[points at Scott]'' They are.
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Scott and Siobhan]'' Ah - come here, you and you, come here, both of you - fuck off will you. ''[walks into the blue kitchen]'' Who's cooking the spaghetti?
:'''Benjamin''': I am, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Thank you, why?
:'''Benjamin''': Because the garnish does sides.
:'''Gordon''': Tell those fucking muppets!
:'''Benjamin''': Garnish is cooking the spaghetti.
:'''Siobhan''': Got it. I need to cook the spaghetti. (interview) Pasta? No one told me I was cooking pasta on my side!
:'''Siobhan''': I got the spaghetti down right now.
:'''Gordon''': Siobhan, step one, pasta doesn't cook unless the fucking water's boiling. Pasta does not cook unless the water is...
:'''Siobhan''':...boiling. My fault.
:'''Fran''': (interview) Come on! Hello? Is this brain surgery? It's pasta.
:'''Gordon''': Hey red team, what are we doing? We're going to hold up the whole fucking dining room because we're waiting on fucking spaghetti! Get a grip. You need to wake up!
:'''Siobhan''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': Oh fuck me. Not tonight.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Narrator''': But Salvatore has a question.
:'''Salvatore''': Chef, did you say one risotto? One risotto, one capellini?
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': Two risottos, one capellini, one truffle salad.
:'''Salvatore''': Yes, chef.
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' Let's go. How long?
:'''Salvatore''': One minute chef.
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': Let's go!
:'''Salvatore''': Yes, chef.
:'''Autumn''': Have you got enough in there for two?
:'''Salvatore''': I got it. ''[puts more rice in the pan]''
:'''Gordon''': Why are you putting more rice in there? Is that because you just found out there's two risotto?
:'''Salvatore''': No, no, no.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God! Hey, blue team, come here, all of you! The risotto's one minute away from being cooked. He realises we're one portion short. Then they start dumping fresh rice in there. Who's smart idea was that?
:'''Salvatore''': It was my idea chef.
:'''Gordon''': Why didn't you tell me then?
:'''Salvatore''': I apologize, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Salvatore, working with a cook who tells lies is 10,000 times worse than dealing with a chef who can't cook! You just lost my trust! How dare you? PATHETIC! Benjamin, watch him; the guy's a fucking liability.
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef. (interview) You don't lie to your chefs and you don't lie to your fellow cooks. That's like a fucking no-no.
:'''Gordon''': Salvatore, now we should start the whole fucking lot again!
:'''Salvatore''': Yes, chef.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': Nilka, where's the risotto?
:'''Nilka''': Right here chef.
:'''Gordon''': Nilka, no lobster!
:'''Nilka''': Oh shit! I thought I put lobster in there chef.
:'''Gordon''': Hey madam, you're cursing in front of the children. Hey look at me, I need you to wake up rapidly. Just cook!
:'''Nilka''': Say no more.
:'''Narrator''': With Nilka's risotto stalling the red kitchen, Jean-Philippe distracts the customers.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': ''[goes over to where a little girl is coloring a picture of Gordon on her menu and adding the quote "YOU DONKEY!"]'' Let me have a look at it. What's on there?
:'''Girl''': "You donkey."
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Yeah but it's not my picture, who's picture is that? Chef Ramsay and you call him donkey.
:'''Girl''': No, he says it.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Well, whatever Chef Ramsay says now and then, don't use it.
:'''Girl''': I won't.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': When he's out of the kitchen, I keep reminding him, "Chef, you can't do that."
<hr width=50%>
''[Gordon checks on scallops brought up by Fran]''
:'''Gordon''': Fran! Fuck! They're overcooked, Fran! Come here! They're rubber, just touch! That's rubber! That's burned to fuck!
:'''Siobhan''': (interview) Can't cook freaking scallops? You know, I don't understand.
:'''Gordon''': This is shambolic! It's a disaster! I swear to god, I'll throw every one of you out of here and Andi and I will do the fucking service because this is bullshit!
:'''Nilka''': This shit is just fucked up!
:'''Gordon''': So much for no fucking swearing.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks on wellingtons brought up by Scott Hawley]''
:'''Gordon''': Ohh, fucking hell. Oh, I just... I don't know where to fucking go! (throws his spoon away) I can't take it much more. I can't take it. It's not even pink, it's not even cooked... (Scott tries to retrieve the wellingtons) Just '''PUT IT DOWN! AND TOUCH IT!''' Are you colorblind?
:'''Scott Hawley''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': '''GET THEM IN THE OVEN!''' Come here, you! (leads Scott to the pantry and slams the door) '''WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?'''
:'''Scott Hawley''': Nothing chef.
:'''Gordon''': '''BUT YOU KNOW IT'S NOT EVEN COOKED, IT'S RAW, SCOTT! IT'S STONE-COLD IN THE MIDDLE!'''
:'''Scott Hawley''': Okay chef. No problem. It won't happen again. I promise. I promise.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon goes to Red kitchen for the Red team's entrées]''
:'''Gordon:''' All of you! ALL OF YOU! (Gordon interrupts Holli) That's you ditsy!
:'''Narrator:''' For one simple question.
:'''Gordon:''' Is that the best roast chicken and is that the best fucking beef requested mid-rare? (grabs Siobhan's hand) I want you to touch it. I want you to touch it! Touch it! Touch it! Touch fucking '''IT!''' (throws spoon away)
:'''Holli''': No.
:'''Fran:''' No, no it's not. The chicken's dry.
:'''Siobhan:''' Where's the gratin on top?
:'''Scott Hawley:''' It got pulled off. It was on there before.
:'''Nilka:''' No, it wasn't.
:'''Gordon''': Look at me! Is that the best?
:'''Red Team''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Is that the best?
:'''Red Team''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Is that the best?
:'''Red team''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Do me a favour: '''FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT!''' And don't you dare switch it off, I'll finish it! Fuck off!
:'''Nilka''': I would love to stay an-
:'''Gordon''': '''GET OUT! OUT! GET OUT!''' (throws the chicken into one of the units) '''GET OUT!'''
:'''Nilka''': (to herself) I'm sick of this shit.
:'''Gordon''': ''[follows the red team]'' '''GET OUT!'''
:'''Holli''': That's really embarrassing. What happened?
:'''Gordon:''' ''[goes into the blue kitchen]'' Scott, come in here with me and I'll finish this one, please, yeah?
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' Okay.
:'''Narrator:''' Now, Chef Ramsay and his trusted sous chefs, Scott and Andi, will complete the red kitchen's dinner service.
:'''Gordon:''' Three spaghetti, one tagliatelle, yes?
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' Three spaghetti, one t- (sees the mess that the Red team left) Oh, my god! What the fuck did they do to this place?
:'''Gordon:''' Yeah, I know.
:'''Sous Chef Scott :''' Wow, they're really bad, huh?
:'''Sous Chef Andi:''' Yep.
:''[Later after Scott and Andi complete the red team's service]''
:'''Narrator''': While the blue team gets out all the desserts, Chef Ramsay calls the red team back to the kitchen.
:'''Gordon''': All your entrées are served, everything's done. Now come back and do something you're good at, fucking cleaning! At least you'll do something as a team!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator:''' The Red Team lost, but there seems to be some confusion as who the nominees should be.
:'''Gordon:''' Who is the best chef on the Red Team?
:'''Scott Hawley:''' Chef, I feel like I'm the best.
:'''Nilka:''' Absolutely not! You just take over and say "Oh well, I did this, I did that!" You want to gloat and rub it in our faces. It's bullshit!
:'''Scott Hawley:''' It's not gloating or rubbing it in your face, it's just letting you know the truth.
:'''Nilka:''' We don't need to hear it! We've been doing it before you.
:'''Scott Hawley:''' None of you guys work in fine dining restaurants.
:'''Fran:''' You could have surprised us, the way you've produced over the last two days.
:'''Scott Hawley:''' Oh, thank you Fran. You as well, you've had a pretty easy ride the whole way through.
:'''Fran:''' Yeah?
:'''Scott Hawley:''' Injure your hand a little bit, and you get treated like a little fucking princess.
:'''Fran:''' Oh, yeah, okay.
:'''Gordon:''' (rolls eyes) Wow. Great team-work there!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon:''' Siobhan, why do you think you should you stay in Hell's Kitchen?
:'''Siobhan:''' I take pride in my work, and I put my best effort forward. I use that little bit of knowledge I have, I have passion, and I ask a lot of questions...
:'''Scott Hawley:''' (interrupting Siobhan) You shouldn't be asking simple fucking questions! It should take care of itself. This isn't culinary school, the common-sense things are driving the red team down, big time.
:'''Gordon:''' Scott, why are you back here?
:'''Scott Hawley:''' I was voted up, Chef. I don't agree with it. I've had a tough couple of services, but I'm a hard worker. Obviously, you know that. I just bust ass every day, I have a calmness about me every day, no matter what the stresses bring. By no means, I'm not the worst cook in this team by far, I'm the best cook in this team, the best leader in this team, I can accomplish...
:'''Gordon:''' (interrupting Scott) I can't take it any more.
:'''Gordon:''' Fran.
:'''Fran:''' Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon:''' Siobhan, fuck off back in line.
:'''Scott Hawley:''' This team will fucking die if I'm not here.
:'''Gordon:''' Scott, give me your jacket. I can't take it any more. I cannot take it. (shakes Scott's hand as Scott leaves) I kept waiting and I waited and waited, but it didn't happen. Good night.
:'''Scott Hawley:''' Good night, Chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon:''' If Scott could cook as well as he talks, he'd be the winner of Hell's Kitchen. Unfortunately for him, he can't.
=== Episode Seven [7.07] ===
:'''Gordon:''' When it's brown, it's cooked; when it's black, it's fucked!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': (checking Fran's broccolini) It's not all over cooked in there, is it?
:'''Fran''': No, I just dropped it Chef.
:'''Gordon''': Well, why are you draining it in one bit and not the other bit in the same fucking time?
:'''Fran''': I just did another piece.
:'''Gordon''': So, if you left that in there, it's going to overcook. Get the fucking hell out! It's a piece of broccolini, show a little bit of respect.
:'''Fran''': I will Chef. Ready?
:'''Gordon''': Now, Benjamin's on the garnish. Fucking hell. (Fran comes to the pass with piping hot undrained potatoes.) Cut the bullshit! Let go! Let go! Lazy. (drains the potatoes in the sink) Madam,
:'''Fran''': Yes, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': You fucking drain the potatoes, or next time, fuck off! Okay? Yeah? You're just running over here with a hot pan and say, "There you go! You bunch of fucking idiots!"
:'''Fran''': I'm sorry, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': Show a little bit of respect not to give me a baking hot pan!
:'''Fran''': I won't do it again, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': Before all the fat doesn't spread all over the fucking stupid fucking place!
:'''Benjamin''': (interview) I think Fran is definitely over her head and you can't just disregard safety just because you're busy.
:'''Gordon''': Engage your brain!
:'''Fran''': Yes, Chef. What are we working on next?
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I like that. "What are we working on?" One trout, one spaghetti, two steak. We're bound to fuck that one up.
=== Episode Eight [7.08] ===
:''[Gordon asks for scallops in the red kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': Where is the scallops?
:'''Fran''': How's the scallops?
:'''Siobhan''': I had to re-fire one order of scallops.
:'''Gordon''': (goes to Siobhan's station; gets her pan of scallops) Look at this! What are you doing there?
:'''Siobhan''': I thought they look golden brown, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Stop, fuck off will you?
:'''Siobhan''': I thought they look fine, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You thought they look golden brown.
:'''Holli''': (interview) They were fucking black.
:''[Gordon pours the scallops on a plate]''
:'''Gordon''': Take that, yeah?
:'''Siobhan''': There are some on here that were fine, chef.
:'''Gordon''': So, where's the fine ones then?
:'''Siobhan''': They're right over here.
:'''Nilka''': (interview) Shut the fuck up and cook. 'Yes Chef' and cook. Don't talk, cause he's only going to shove his foot deeper in your ass!
:'''Gordon''': Where are they? Where are they? You've got the nerve to tell me that some of it were fine. (points out some scallops) Wishy-washy, not even seasoned and you know what? More importantly, they're boiled. You DONKEY! Fuck off out! Get out, get out. Get out, there you go. Get out! Fuck off to the bar and eat it!
:'''Narrator''': And Chef Ramsay has sent her to the dining room to eat her mistakes.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator:''' In the dining room, one customer...
:'''Female diner:''' Is it cooked?
:'''Male diner:''' It's rare at best.
:'''Female diner:''' (talks to waiter) I asked for medium and that's rare completely.
:'''Male diner:''' Shit!
:'''Narrator:''' Decides to take manners into his own hands.
:'''Male diner:''' ''[at the pass]'' Oh no! This is rare.
:'''Gordon:''' (who stands at the Red kitchen) Service, please!
:'''Male diner:''' Fuck!
:'''Gordon:''' What's the matter? Oh, talk to me?
:'''Male diner:''' ''[pointing at the beef]'' Medium?
:'''Gordon:''' Excuse me? Hey, you don't call me you acting like on it's funny. (to male diner) Yeah, do me a favour: That's his [JP] job, you fuck off, yes?
:'''Male diner:''' Are you trying to poison me?
:'''Gordon:''' Poison you? What a fucking dick. It's beef, you fucking idiot, tartare! (to male diner again) You never heard of that?
:'''Male diner:''' It's low-grade beef, at best.
:'''Gordon:''' Go get a shave, you fucking knob-end!
:'''Male diner:''' It's low-grade dog food, at best.
:'''Gordon:''' (goes to Blue kitchen) Let's go. Standing on ice on a fucking jerk. Stand strong, buddy! Stand nice and strong. Push your arms up and you're like a fucking quail!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on chicken brought up by Nilka]''
:'''Gordon''': All of you, come here! Pink chicken. Not just pink but fucking raw! And you what? Not even cooked. Raw, raw, RAW!! (smashes the chicken on the plate)
:'''Holli''': (interview) It's sliced! You could obviously see that's fucking raw. You can't send up raw chicken no matter what.
:'''Gordon''': (to Nilka) I would expect you 10x more when you tell me the chicken's raw!
:'''Nilka''': (interview) Aaarrrggghhh! Why? I tried so hard, I don't want to fuck up tonight!
:'''Gordon''': It's not fair! You can't just do that! The chicken's raw!!
:'''Nilka''': You're right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After failing to serve a single entrée, Gordon has finally had enough with the blue team; returns to the workstation with duck brought up by Ed]''
:'''Gordon:''' Just all of you, come here. In a minute. No, Jay, it's not good enough. That has come in sliced, but - yes it's FUCKING RAW! IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH GUYS! (throws his spoon on the floor)
:'''Ed:''' Let's go, guys.
:'''Gordon:''' (returns to the workstation and gives a tray of entrées to Ed) Hey, Ed, come here. Hold your hands up. Yeah, look at me. You, you, you and you fuck off out. '''LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT!''' Fuck off.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on risotto brought up by Fran; after finding out that it's undercooked, he has also finally had enough with the Red team]''
:'''Gordon''': It's raw, every fucking bit. (to Fran) Your risotto! Madam, madam! Taste the risotto, taste the rice! Up and down, up and down, up and fucking down! (kicks the bin) Do me a favour. Look at me. You, you, you, you and you, GET OUT! Get out! Get out of my sight! Get out!
:'''Holli''': (to Fran) Just get out. Just get out.
:'''Gordon''': Useless bits o' crap!
=== Episode Nine [7.09] ===
:''[The chefs walk into the kitchen where Gordon has prepared for them a frozen dinner.]
:'''Gordon''': Morning guys.
:'''Benjamin''': Morning chef.
:'''Gordon''': Chicken gorgonzola yes? One of the dishes that's featured on the brunch menu at Claridge's. Now have a little taste.
:''[the chefs taste the dish]''
:'''Gordon''': Nilka, what's it taste like?
:'''Nilka''': It melts in your mouth.
:'''Fran''': The chicken is delicious.
:'''Benjamin''': I can see the tomatoes lighten up the sauce.
:'''Jay''': Big bold spices.
:'''Gordon''': You like it?
:'''Holli''': Yeah, I love it.
:'''Jay''': Delicious.
:'''Gordon''': Good.....The dish that all of you enjoyed was in fact....frozen fucking food.
:'''Holli''': Wow. (interview) Oh, I feel like a complete ass right now. Oh, completely.
:'''Gordon''': The chicken was cooked about... ''[slams the chicken on the counter]'' three and a half months ago. Freshness? Vibrant? Excitement? All I did was put it in a microwave!
:'''Jay''': In retrospect, the only thing that I would question was the chicken.
:'''Gordon''': Oh.
:'''Jay''': I thought the chicken tasted a little watery.
:'''Gordon''': OH, COME ON!!! (throws his towel on the floor)
:'''Jay''': (interview) Ok, fine. I fell for it. Hook, line and sinker.
=== Episode Ten [7.10] ===
:[Gordon checks the lobster brought up by Nilka]
:'''Gordon''': (to Sous-chef Andi) Look at this, Look. It's raw. Nilka?
:'''Nilka''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': The lobster is raw. ''[Nilka groans]'' Come here, madam, come here. Just touch it will you?
:'''Nilka''': I just took it out of the pan.
:''[Nilka goes to take the lobster back to her station]''
:'''Gordon''': Look at me. Look at me, put it down! Put it down! Look at me, '''LOOK AT ME!''' ''[Nilka puts the lobster down]'' OUT! '''GET OUT!''' Benjamin!
:'''Benjamin''': Oui, chef?
:'''Gordon''': One lobster. Nilka!
:'''Nilka''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': '''GET OUT!'''
:'''Nilka''': '''I'M GOING!'''
:'''Autumn''': (interview) He was annnnngry!
:'''Gordon''': Madam! Hey, madam! (cuts to Autumn while she slaps her cheek in an interview) '''MADAM!'''
:'''Nilka''': (sulkily) Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': '''TAKE YOUR JACKET OFF AND FUCK OFF!'''
:'''Nilka''': '''NO, CHEF, DON'T SAY THAT, PLEASE!'''
:'''Jason Ellis''': (interview) Nilka just kept getting hit like a ship by torpedo after torpedo after torpedo, and it finally just - she just sunk to the bottom of the ocean. And Chef said just - she needed to go.
:'''Nilka''': CHEF, PLEASE. Chef, please don't say that. Oh my fucking GOD. ''[picks up a "wet floor" sign and slams it on the corridor]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Fucking hell. (to the chefs) Now pick it up!
:'''Jason Ellis''': Yes, chef.
:'''Narrator''': With Nilka gone, the kitchen jumps into action.
:'''Gordon''': Two minutes to the window.
:'''Benjamin''': Two minutes, chef!
:'''Narrator''': But Nilka isn't ready to leave just yet.
:''[Nilka walks back into the kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': Let's go, Scott please?... ''[sees Nilka]'' ''Nilka''!
:'''Nilka''': Chef...
:'''Gordon''': No, no, no. I'm in the middle of service. Take your jacket off and get out of Hell's Kitchen. I've had enough. I-I can't do it, okay?
:'''Nilka''': Please!
:'''Gordon''': Nilka, don't do this to me. They're under pressure, we're under pressure. Take your jacket off and get out!
:'''Nilka''': I want to still cook and prove myself, chef. (interview) And I won't stop, no, 'cos this is my dream, this is my fucking destiny, and this is what I want.
:'''Gordon''': ''[reading off a ticket]'' Turbot, wellington...
:'''Nilka''': I want to cook!
:'''Gordon''': Lobster, turbot, wellington, beef. Let's go.
:'''Nilka''': I don't want to leave like this, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. Fucking hell.
:'''Nilka''': Let me go to my station.
:'''Ed''': (interview) Nilka wouldn't leave. She was asked to leave one time, then leave. Get the hell out of here.
:''[Nilka tries to push Benjamin off the fish station and get back on it herself]''
:'''Nilka''': Please? I can do this shit!
:'''Gordon''': Turbot, lobster, wellington, beef. ''Nilka!''
:'''Nilka''': I want to cook!
:'''Gordon''': GET '''OUT!'''
:'''Nilka''': I want to cook! I can do this! Please!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, guys, I'm telling you now, do something for me. '''Get her OUT OF HERE!'''
:'''Benjamin''': Nilka, you got to go.
:'''Gordon''': Benjamin!
:'''Benjamin''': Oui chef.
:'''Gordon''': Get her out!
:''[Benjamin starts to usher Nilka out of the kitchen]''
:'''Benjamin''': You got to go! When chef tells you to go, you got to go.
:'''Jay''': Go, go, go! (interview) Hurricane Nilka just had an absolute category five meltdown.
:'''Nilka''': Oh my fucking God. I don't want to leave.
:'''Benjamin''': Nilka, get out.
:'''Gordon''': '''GET YOUR JACKET OFF AND GET OUT.'''
:'''Nilka''': This is so fucked up. I gave my whole life for this shit. (interview) It hurts to get kicked out of here like this, it really really does. I don't want to take my jacket off. (walking out) Fucking bullshit. (interview) It it - oh, it's just... it pisses me off that it went down like this, it really really did. It really really did.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': Dinner service has been completed with time to spare and the diners are off to the theater. (cuts to Nilka packing her bags) But they aren't the only ones exiting Hell's Kitchen in a hurry.
:'''Nilka''': (interview) You know it hurts to get kicked out of here like this, it really really does. I don't want to go home. I don't want to go home. I don't... I came here for a reason. ''[sheds a tear]''
:''[Nilka walks out the back exit and sees Gordon standing alongside a waiting taxicab]''
:'''Nilka:''' I was hoping I'd get to see you again.
:'''Gordon:''' Listen, I just want to say that you walk out of here with your head up high. Sadly, you're not ready to take that head chef's job. But what you ''are'' ready to continue doing is following your dream. Don't stop that.
:'''Nilka:''' I'm not, I'm just so mad at myself because I think I was ready. But tonight proved otherwise.
:'''Gordon:''' Listen, you have done phenomenally well. I've never come out here to say goodbye, but I wanted to make the effort to say goodbye and to say thank you.
:'''Nilka:''' (tearfully) Thank you.
:'''Gordon:''' Come here. ''[they both hug each other]'' Thank you. Yes. ''[opens the passenger side door of the taxi]'' Now, one more thing.
:'''Nilka:''' Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon:''' Your jacket.
:'''Nilka:''' No, you don't have to.
:'''Gordon:''' ''[laughing]'' Your jacket.
:'''Nilka:''' ''[laughing]'' I don't want to. ''[hands over her chef's jacket]'' Thank you, chef.
:'''Gordon:''' Good night, my love.
:'''Nilka:''' Good night.
:'''Gordon:''' Well done. (as the taxi starts up) Head up high.
:'''Nilka:''' I will. Always.
<hr width="50%">
:''[The final six after receiving black jackets and Chef Ramsay speaks on Nilka's elimination]''
:'''Gordon:''' Tonight was the best service we've had in Hell's Kitchen, and that's why I rewarded the final six. Now, only the best chefs remain. Nilka was clearly out of her depth.
=== Episode Eleven [7.11] ===
:'''Narrator''': Ben finally has entrées ready for Chef Ramsay.
:'''Gordon''': Three halibut, one wellington. ''(finds that the brought up entrées are for the other table)'' One tagliatelle, one chicken it's for the next table.
:'''Narrator''': Unfortunately, they're not the entrées he's looking for.
:'''Gordon:''' I've really fucking had enough, Benjamin. Because no-one's fucking concentrating. So easy for you to ruin things. Well, let me tell you something, you fucking ruined my night!
:'''Autumn''': (interview) It was crazy over there, I think it was just off. And people need to, like, take a step back from everything that's going on and just cook.
:'''Gordon''': You all DONE it before, and you can do TEN TIMES better, BUT NO ONE '''GIVES A FUCK!!''' (kicks the bins) '''THAT'S WHAT FUCKS ME OFF! WHAT ARE WE DOING, JAY, ED, AND BENJAMIN?'''
<hr width="50%"/>
''[Gordon checks on scallops brought up by Ed; they're badly overcooked]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fucking hell.
:'''Jason Ellis''': ''(brings his appetizers to the pass)'' Oh, fuck.
:'''Gordon''': ''(returns to the workstation)'' Benjamin.
:'''Benjamin''': Oui chef.
:'''Gordon''': Come here. Ed?
:'''Ed''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Come here, Ed. So he ''(points to Benjamin)'' brings the next table to me, He's (Jay) fucking say nothing and then that comes up to me. Do me a favour. ''(to Benjamin and Ed)'' You and you, '''GET OUT. ENOUGH.'''
:'''Man''': ''(overhears Gordon)'' Don't think I'm going to get my lamb.
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off up to the dorm. Get out. Get out, Benjamin. Get out! (to Jason) Jason, on the fish.
:'''Jason Ellis''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to Autumn) Autumn, on the meat.
:'''Autumn''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to Holli) Holli, on the appetisers.
:'''Holli''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Fucking unbelievable.
=== Episode Twelve [7.12] ===
:'''Narrator''': As Chef Ramsay leaves the kitchen for a quick moment...
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': Tuna!
:'''Jason Ellis''': Yes, chef.
:'''Narrator''': Sous Chef Scott steps in to keep the momentum going.
:'''Jason Ellis''': Pasta's up, chef.
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' Sure wish I had the garnish for the tuna.
:'''Benjamin''': Garnish for the tuna, chef.
:'''Narrator''': And Benjamin unwisely decides this would be a good time to become a leader.
:'''Benjamin''': (reading off the next ticket) Next pick-up, two chicken, one -
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' Hey, hey, hey, hey!
:'''Narrator''': Unfortunately for him, Chef Scott is not impressed.
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' You think for one minute you're going to start fucking running this pass? You may be a fucking good cook, but you suck as a leader. If you think you're going to do my fucking job, I'll leave right now. You think you can do it?
:'''Benjamin''': No, chef.
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' (turning red) You think you can put up with all this BULLSHIT?
:'''Benjamin''': No, chef.
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': I know you can't, '''NOW GET THE ''FUCK'' OVER THERE, AND DON'T ''EVER'' COME UP TO MY ''PASS'' AGAIN, AND TRY TO TAKE MY FUCKING PLACE!!!!!'''
:'''Autumn''': (interview) Holy crap! I don't think Ben had a good night.
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': '''YOU GOT IT?!!'''
:'''Benjamin''': Yes, chef!
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': '''GET OVER THERE!'''
:'''Benjamin''': (interview) Chef Scott ripped my fucking asshole. You know, ripped my asshole this big. That totally sucked.
=== Episode Fifteen [7.15] ===
:'''Jay''': (interview) Hopefully, I can take (Holli's) pants off tonight.
[[Category:Hell's Kitchen seasons]]
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Hell's Kitchen/Season 9
0
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SyahzlanDanieal
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/* Episode Six [9.06] */
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:'''Seasons:''' [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 1|1]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 2|2]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 3|3]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 4|4]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 5|5]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 6|6]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 7|7]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 8|8]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 9|9]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 10|10]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 11|11]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 12|12]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 13|13]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 14|14]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 15|15]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 16|16]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 17 (All-Stars)|17]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 18 (Rookies vs. Veterans)|18]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 19 (Las Vegas)|19]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 20 (Young Guns)|20]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 21 (Battle of the Ages)|21]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 22 (The American Dream)|22]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 23 (Head Chefs Only)|23]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 24 (Battle of the States)|24]] | '''[[Hell's Kitchen|Main]]'''
----
<br>
'''''[[w:Hell's Kitchen (U.S.)|Hell's Kitchen]]''''' is an American cooking reality show based on [[w:Hell's Kitchen (UK)|the British program of the same title]], where Chef [[w:Gordon Ramsay|Gordon Ramsay]] puts aspiring chefs through different challenges and dinner services to decide who is the best.
=== Episode One [9.01] ===
:''[The eighteen chefs arrived at [[w:Orpheum Theatre (Los Angeles)|Orpheum Theatre]]]''
:'''Theatre announcer''': Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Orpheum Theatre. Please put your hands together for the Hell's Kitchen chefs. ''[Unveils the curtain; gives the chefs to raise their arms up. The chefs then see that there is no audience and Chef Ramsay at the top, clapping his hand loudly and slowly]''
:'''Gordon''': Seriously, what on earth did you expect? A packed house? A standing ovation? Screaming fans? REALLY? Right now, NONE of you are stars. Résumés mean NOTHING, got it?
:'''Chefs''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': GOT IT?
:'''Chefs''': (louder voice) YES, CHEF!
:'''Gordon''': Un-fucking-real.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Ladies first. What is it?
:'''Carrie''': It is a chicken-fried ribeye with Yukon gold mash and white truffle cream gravy. I actually have a little sugar in there.
:'''Gordon''': Stop. Say that again?
:'''Carrie''': I have sugar in there. That's what my mother always did!
:'''Gina''': (interview) I do not know who in their right mind would put sugar in mashed potatoes.
:'''Carrie''': Just try it! (interview) Chef Ramsay is going to love it because it's freakin' delicious! It's like an orgasm in your mouth, come on! [''as Gordon spits out the mashed potato''] Oh, God!
:'''Will''': [''stifling a laugh''] I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh!
:'''Gordon''': That... is disgusting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': [as Jonathon's signature dish is revealed] What the fuck is that on the plate?
:'''Jonathon''': I call this the Punch Drunk Chicken. (interview) I got the Southern flavor, you know? I put a lot of flavor in the food, raw but real. So, if Chef Ramsay complains about it, well, he's full of shit, man.
:'''Gordon''': Hold on, it gets worse. [''holds up sliced piece of pineapple''] The pineapple looks like... canned?
:'''Jonathon''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': You open a can of pineapple, and you stick it on top of a chicken?
:'''Jonathon''': Limited time today.
:'''Gordon''': "Limited time?" 45 minutes?! Limited time?!
:'''Jonathon''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': You're so full of shit, even your eyes are brown! While you come in here and serve me a canned fucking pineapple, you can fuck off now. Seriously! I'll pay for the ticket! You tell me.
:'''Jonathon''': No, sir.
:'''Gordon''': It's an absolute freaking mess. But the surprising fact was you opened it out of a can. That's what pissed me off more than anything. I'm not even going to taste it! Ladies, congratulations.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Right? First name, and what in the hell is that on there?
:'''Krupa''': My name is Krupa. This is a traditional Gujarati dish of stuffed naan.
:''[Chef Ramsay sees the stuffed naan]''
:'''Gordon''': First off, doesn't exactly look appetizing, does it?
:'''Krupa''': No.
:'''Gordon''': No. It's like you've got four bits of asswipe on a plate. Splat!
:'''Krupa''': You're right.
:'''Gordon''': ''[takes a bite of naan]'' Spices are raw, bland. My dear Krupa, yeah? That is ''crap''-a!
<hr width="50%"/>
:[''Jamie and Steven are the next two contestants up during the signature dish challenge'']
:'''Gordon''': First name?
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': Jamie.
:'''Gordon''': What do you do?
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': I'm a sous chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're already a sous chef?
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': Yes. (interview) I'm still a young chef, but I know how good I am.
:'''Gordon''': Tell me about the dish.
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': It's lamb lollipops with a red onion confiture.
:'''Gordon''': [''after eating a bite of lamb''] You've overcooked the most important thing: the lamb. If you're going to have the balls to call yourself a sous chef, learn to cook lamb properly first.
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Okay, uh...
:'''Steven Paluba''': Steven.
:'''Gordon''': What is that? [''picks up plate'']
:'''Steven Paluba''': I have seared diver scallops over wild mushroom risotto. (interview) I've been cooking 30 years. Nobody else has a chance in this thing.
:'''Gordon''': Honestly, it's like toenails, on a fucking dinosaur! [''some of the contestants laugh''] Look at them!
:'''Steven Paluba''': It's got good flavor.
:'''Gordon''': "It's got good flavor?" You can't be that deluded. The point goes to... none of you. Stop fucking around.
:'''Steven Paluba''': Sorry, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': Tonight, Hell's Kitchen is once again the place to be in Los Angeles. The restaurant has been redesigned with a stunning balcony above the kitchen that gives those diners a unique view of the action of the kitchen.
:'''James Lukanik''': ''[Carries the first order tickets to Blue Kitchen, approaches Gordon]'' 'Kay, alright! First order, chef!
:'''Gordon''': ''[Receives the tickets from James]'' Let's go. [to Blue Team] Okay Blue Team, here we are! First ticket to the blue team: One risotto, one scallop, one squab, one spaghetti!
:'''Blue Team''': Yes, chef!
:'''Chino''': I'm sorry, chef, can you repeat that?
:'''Gordon''': Can I repeat that?
:'''Chino''': I'm sorry? I-I'm sorry, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, let me repeat it: Fuck yourself!
:'''Chino''': Yes, sir!
:'''Gordon''': "Can I repeat that?" Is he (Chino) fucking stupid?
:''[Gordon walks into the Red Kitchen as he carries the first order for Red Team]''
:'''Gordon''': Okay, Red Team! Come here, let's go! ''[Red Team approaches Gordon]'' First ticket! Good luck!
:'''Red Team''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Two tables away, table four: one scallops, one risotto. Entrée: One New York–
:'''Elise''': ''[Interrupts Gordon; Talks to other Red Team member]'' Oh, one risotto!
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Elise]'' Hey, madam!
:'''Elise''': Sorry!
:'''Gordon''': I'm not gonna shout over you.
:'''Elise''': I'm sorry.
:'''Gordon''': I've got 10 seconds - a window - to call these out!
:'''Elise''': I'm sorry. I apologize.
:'''Gordon''': Come here, you, Big mouth, come here. ''[Puts and bangs the ticket on the table]'' Call out the fucking ticket. COME HERE! Call out the ticket!
:'''Elise''': ''[Grabs the ticket, calls out the ticket to the Red Team]'' Y'all ready? We need one scallop, two risotto for appetizers!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. So the lobster's ready for the second table thanks to Steven, but I just want the first!
:'''Steven Paluba''': I'm working on the first, chef!
:'''Gordon''': SO WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME THE SECOND?!
:'''Steven Paluba''': I'll–I'll go one at a time.
:'''Gordon''': The thought of you doing two things at once, forget it!
:'''Steven Paluba''': OK.
:'''Gordon''': Just focus on the first ticket, Steven!
:'''Steven Paluba''': Yes, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on cod brought on Chino]''
:'''Gordon''': What's he done to this? ''[returns the cod to the workstation]'' BLUE TEAM!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': NO garnish anywhere, STILL fragmented and look! It's ''burnt''! ''[holds up the cod, shows it to the Blue team and angrily slams it on the workstation; calls Chino]''
:'''Chino''': (interview) I burnt the miso cod. You know, I should know this shit too because I'm Asian.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, guys!
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) Chino really fucked the cod up, man. Basted that motherfucker with roof tar or something.
:'''Gordon''': Chino!
:'''Chino''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Come here, you! Get out of my sight.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': ''[leads Chino to the Chef's Table]'' Sit down.
:'''Gordon''': Scott, get him peeling onions, garlic, but away from the stove!
:'''Scott Leibfried''': ''[brings onions and garlic to Chino at Chef's Table]'' There you go. At least you won't be able to burn any of that.
:'''Chino''': (interview) Ugh. Horrible.
:'''Gordon''': Absolute fucking useless!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steven Paluba''': Scallops are in the window!
:''[Gordon heads to the pass to check on them; they're not properly seared]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Steven) Hey. come here, you. Just touch.
:'''Steven Paluba''': They're springy, chef.
:'''Gordon''': They're ''what''?
:'''Steven Paluba''': Springy. When you spring back, usually they're ready.
:'''Gordon''': So they're ready, are they?
:'''Steven Paluba''': I feel that they're ready.
:'''Gordon''': That fucking rubbery?
:'''Steven Paluba''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (interview) Everything Steven was touching was turning to shit tonight. You know how they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks? ''[smirks]''
:'''Gordon''': Sit down and eat them. Enjoy your "springy" scallops! Let me know how you feel halfway through! Bon appétit.
:'''Steven Paluba''': I think they're perfect. ''[eats his scallops on the chef's table]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': ''[checks on scallops brought up by Tommy]'' Hey, rock-and-roll bozo, come here!
:'''Tommy''': Shit!
:'''Gordon''': I go from, "springy", to boiled bits of shit.
:'''Tommy''': (interview) Aaaahhh, yeah, this sucks. Took a hell of a dive.
:'''Gordon''': Take a seat and fucking eat them. (to James, who is in the dining room) Service please, little glass of wine, Sauvignon Blanc, goes beautifully well with the ''raw'' ceviche skillet.
:'''Brendan Heavey''': ''[Watches other three contestants on the chef's table]'' (interview) Hell's Kitchen weeds out the week. This competition is mine, and it's only a matter of time.
:'''Gordon''': One, two, three of you, ALL ON THE FREAKIN' FISH STATION!
:'''Steven Paluba''': I jumped over to help out, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I wish you'd ''jump in the oven''! That would make my life a lot easier!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': Back in the red kitchen, Carrie is looking to redeem herself on the fish station.
:'''Elise''': ''[goes to Carrie's fish station and takes over]'' I'll cook the fish, I'll cook it.
:'''Narrator''': But Elise has other plans.
:'''Carrie''': I got it babe. No, I got it. This is my station.
:'''Elise''': Don't push me!
:'''Carrie''': Thank you.
:'''Elise''': (interview) Clearly, Carrie is the weaker cook than I am, so I felt like I want to take charge to impress Chef Ramsay.
:'''Gordon''': Why is she (Elise) cooking fish?
:'''Carrie''': I don't know what she's doing. She just came over here and grabbed it, chef. (interview) I mean, are you fucking kidding me? That bitch is crazy.
:'''Gordon''': (to Carrie) What in the ''fuck'' is she doing?
:'''Carrie''': I didn't let her cook and she just came here and grabbed it chef.
:'''Elise''': So I was going to cooking for you because we're all a team, right?
:'''Gordon''': ''[covers his face]'' Ugh.
:'''Carrie''': She trying to prove a point.
:'''Gordon''': Elise!
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': ''[holds a ticket]'' I got a six top dying for the appetizers! And you're cooking fish!
:'''Elise''': I'll put the spaghetti up.
:'''Gordon''': (to Elise) You, fuck off. Sit on the chef's table.
:'''Krupa''': (interview; laughs loudly) '''HA!!!'''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Blue Team's failure to serve beef wellington for the first time due to failed side dish, for the second attempt, Jonathon delivers perfectly cooked wellingtons to the pass while Gordon and Blue team are waiting for Brendan to cook the potatoes]''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (to Brendan) Filet is already up, bro! Watch the potatoes, they're about to burn!
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Got 'em.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Well then pull them off!!
:'''Gordon''': We're waiting on the sides!
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Got 'em.
:'''Gordon''': ''[sees the potatoes burnt while Brendan still sears them]'' Brendan, look at me. The potatoes in front of you. They're burnt. ''You're standing over them''!
:'''Brendan Heavey''': (brief pause) Yes, chef!
:'''Will''': (interview) Brendan wanna sit there and puff out his fuckin' chest: "I'm gonna fuckin' do this! I'm a fuckin' man!". Bullshit bro, you suck!!!!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': COME ON, GUYS!
:'''Gordon''': That's twice in a row. Cooked to perfection, but we can't even SEND THE TABLE '''TOGETHER!''' Because '''NOBODY'S TOGETHER!''' '''SMOOTH SERVICE? MY ARSE!!'''
:'''Jonathon''': I've never in my whole career ever been stopped by fucking side items. Never.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The customers have begun leaving. James returns to the pass]''
:'''James Lukanik''': Chef?
:'''Gordon''': James.
:'''James Lukanik''': Tables are walking out.
:'''Gordon''': Blue team, they're walking out. (to Chino, Steven and Tommy from the Chef's Table) You muppet, get off your fat arse. (to Blue Team) Let me show you something: Not ''one entrée'' has left this fucking kitchen. NOT ONE!
:'''Steven Paluba''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': And ''look at the pans back there''! Any bright ideas?
:'''Steven Paluba''': Want me to jump in? I'll clean them.
:'''Gordon''': I'm talking about the ''customers''. Not the fricking ''pans''.
:'''Steven Paluba''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Any ideas?
:'''Steven Paluba''': No.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, what are you going to do now? They are walking OUT! '''FUCK OFF!'''
:'''Brendan Heavey''': (interview) At that point, it was a trainwreck on ice. There was nothing we could do about it.
:'''Gordon''': Stop! You're out of your misery. ''[throws his spoon away; goes over to the Red kitchen]''
:'''Carrie''': (to red team) Let's do this ladies, come on! Let's not disappoint the customers.
:'''Gordon''': Carrie. They've gone. (brief pause) SHUT IT DOWN!
:'''Carrie''': Fuck!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': I realized early on that Steven has as much chance of being the head chef at BLT Steak as I do of winning a gold medal in figure skating.
=== Episode Two [9.02] ===
:''[Chef Ramsay & Sous-Chef Scott check the risotto given by Chino]''
:'''Gordon''': Burnt on the bottom?
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Yup.
:'''Gordon''': ''[Returns to the workstation with burnt risotto and scrapes it in front of the Blue Team]'' Risotto burnt, and overcooked on the bottom! ''[Drops the pan]'' It's going to pot!
:'''Chino''': I got it, chef! ''[Prepares another risotto]'' I got it, chef! I got another one, chef!
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) It looked like somebody just took the pan and shit in it, and then tried to put some risotto on that, man.
:'''Chino''': ''[Brings the risotto to the pass]'' Risotto, chef.
:''[Sous-Chef Scott checks the risotto; finds out that it is still burnt on the bottom]''
:'''Scott Leibfried''': I can't believe it, he did it again.
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns to the workstation and scrapes the risotto]'' I've got ''another burnt risotto'', it's burnt! ''[Throws the risotto in the bin along with his spoon and the pan]'' It's FUCKING '''BURNT!!!''' Chino, what the ''fuck'' is going on? How long for the risotto?
:'''Chino''': Eight minutes, chef. I'm sorry about that.
:'''Gordon''': Eight minutes? (to James) Excuse me, I apologize, the risotto's behind it, yes? (to Chino) Come on, Chino!
:'''Chino''': (interview) I can't have another bad service today. Right now, I have to take this more seriously like nobody else. I have to prove to Chef Ramsay that I belong here.
:'''Gordon''': If you burn me that risotto one more time...
:'''Chino''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Look at me - hey, look at me... I'll ''drag'' you out of here.
:'''Chino''': No, chef. No, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': Brendan on the fish station is now ready to move onto entrées...
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Sea bass is ready. Are we ready to go on entrées?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Pull it out now.
:'''Gordon''': Brendan -
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': I haven't-I haven't called it. Who called the entrées?
:'''Narrator''': ...even if Chef Ramsay isn't.
:'''Gordon''': Who fired? I didn't fire.
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, chef. Sea bass is fired, and it's ready.
:'''Gordon''': What is going on? You cooked the bass. Is your meat ready?
:'''Tommy''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': And the garnish all ready?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You've got to work as a ''team''! PLEASE!
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) Brendan, man he jumped the gun. You know, he's too busy trying not to fuck up and he forgets it's about communicating.
:'''Gordon''': Okay, let's go for the first entrée ''together''!
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Timing!
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Away now: One sea bass, one wellington, one New York strip, one prime rib.
:'''Blue team''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Get another bass in!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Brendan?
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Is that the same bass?
:'''Brendan Heavey''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You didn't start a fresh one?
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': So where's the old one then?
:'''Brendan Heavey''': I threw it away, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Show me.
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yeah. ''[looks through the garbage]'' Chef, I can't find it.
:'''Gordon''': Are you lying to me? Because I'm going to stop this whole fucking kitchen. I'm going to ask you one more time to tell me the truth. Is that the bass from 10 minutes ago or is that a fresh one you cooked? Because I'm going to turn this fucking kitchen upside down...
:'''Brendan Heavey''': (interview; wiping his face) Oh, my God. (to Gordon) Chef, yes.
:'''Gordon''': ''[tosses the bass down]'' ''Why?''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Start a new bass. Start a new bass.
:'''Gordon''': ''[offscreen]'' Sorry.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Stop! Everybody stop! New garnish.
:'''Chino''': (interview) Brendan's an idiot for lying to Chef Ramsay. It's like seriously, you're making a fool of yourself.
:'''Gordon''': And how dare you go to the garbage can, search it, and turn me out like that.
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Period!
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Firing again. Firing again.
:'''Gordon''': You do that to me one more time, trust me, fuck the elimination, I'll send you out there and then. Let me tell you that.
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Yes, chef. Won't happen again. (interview) Chef Ramsay's not a stupid person. I was blowing smoke up his ass and he called me out on it.
:'''Gordon''': Start again!
:'''Brendan Heavey''': Firing a new bass now, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on duck brought up by Tommy]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, come on. ''[Returns to workstation]'' Uh, Tommy! The duck is OVERCOOKED!
:'''Will''': FUCK! It's ridiculous, man!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Tommy, start a new chicken. It's overcooked! You have one ready.
:'''Gordon''': That's a ''duck''! ''[throws his spoon away]''
:'''Will''': It's a duck.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Duck. Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (calls the entire team) All of you, come here. Not ''one entrée'' has left this fucking kitchen! '''GET IT TOGETHER!'''
:'''Blue team''': Yes, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Krupa has accidentally dropped her prime rib while serving tableside; returns to the pass with James]''
:'''Krupa''': Chef Ramsay, I just fell with the whole rib in my hands so--
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck's sake. The whole fucking thing?
:'''Krupa''': The whole fucking thing. I'm sorry.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, you're kidding me. Oh, come on. One simple task. (calls Monterray) Monterray.
:'''Monterray''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Monterray, once you've finished the rib, serve the ribs to Krupa. (to Krupa) Hey, Butterfingers. When he's finished serving the ribs from the blue team, take the trolley. ''Do not drop it''!
:'''Krupa''': Yes, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After failing to serve a single entrée, Gordon has finally had enough with the blue team]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[checks Brendan's seabass]'' Oh, come on. Brendan, it's raw.
:'''Will''': (to Brendan) COME ON, BRO! REALLY? (interview) Brendan, you suck! You suck!
:'''Gordon''': Blue team, BLUE TEAM!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': STOP! It's just got worse. Not one entrée has left together yet. NOT ONE! (Chino) You fucked me on the risotto! (Tommy) You screwed me on the duck and now I got a raw bass! What are you going to do now? Any suggestions? ''[the blue team doesn't answer]'' I've got one big suggestion! ''[points to every member of the Blue team]'' You, you, you, you, you, FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE! GET UPSTAIRS!
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) What the ''fuck'', man? It is so frustrating, dude. It made us look like a bunch of little sissy-ass bitches, man.
:'''Gordon''': (calls to the red team) Ladies?
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': I need four of you in here finishing the blue team. Any of you.
:'''Carrie''': Yes, chef.
:''[Monterray bangs his right arm on a workstation in anger]''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (interview) Having another person coming in to finish what I fucking started is the most infuriating slap in the face, literally "taking your dick out and whipping it across my chin" feeling that I have ever had in my life.
:''[The entire Blue Team goes outside to smoke after returning to the dorms]''
:'''Jonathon''': ''[angrily throws water bottle]'' '''FUCK!'''
:'''Will''': I didn't sign up for this, bro. Send my ass home, bro.
:'''Brendan''': Absolutely nothing came out right.
:'''Will''': People just don't know how to fucking cook. (interview) That was, like, the biggest pussy bullshit I've ever experienced in my life, man. [to his teammates] I've never been kicked out of a kitchen, bro.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': It's EMBARRASSING! ''[points at Brendan]'' '''HE CAN'T FUCKING COOK!''' ''[points at Chino]'' '''HE DIDN'T GET THE FUCKING RISOTTO OUT!'''
:'''Will''': I didn't sign up for this! I signed up to win! We're all supposed to be professional chefs, ''right''?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': I AGREE!
:'''Will''': RIGHT? '''SO, WHAT THE FUCK?'''
:'''Tommy''': I'm not happy about it either.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': You think you're pissed? I'm pissed too, all right? We just got our asses kicked in a big game.
:'''Will''': I don't like to lose! This is the only thing I'm good at, bro! (interview) I did not come out of here to be made a fool of! That's too much for me! (in the dorms) No, this is some fucking - ''[kicks something]'' (to his teammates) Do you realize that they're all in our kitchen right now serving our guests?
:'''Blue team''': Yeah.
:'''Will''': We're getting whooped by a bunch of fucking chicks in there! (interview) We just got schooled, man! We should've had a fucking pen and a piece of paper. We should've been taking notes. We just got our asses fucking kicked, bro. (to his teammates) Like, come on, man!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Blue Team lost the night's service second time in a row]''
:'''Gordon''': Men, I'm - I'm disappointed. Will?
:'''Will''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Who should leave Hell's Kitchen tonight?
:'''Will''': 100%, Brendan and Chino.
:'''Gordon''': Paul, who should go?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Brendan and Chino.
:'''Gordon''': Jonathon?
:'''Jonathon''': I voted for Brendan and Chino.
:'''Gordon''': If you had to pick one?
:'''Jonathon''': I choose Chino.
:'''Chino''': Some of you guys are just a bunch of fucking phonies, you know that? All you do is scream what Chef Ramsay says, and when Chef Ramsay leaves, you just clam up. You don't–you don't wanna put yourself out there.
:'''Jonathon''': You can go fuck yourself, Chino.
:''[Will shakes his head while the Red Team stares on in shock]''
:'''Chino''': You know why they're (Red Team) winning? You know why the girls are winning? They may not like each other, but they all fucking study their shit. I–I'm getting balled out on risotto. What do you do? You go at me.
:'''Jonathon''': I didn't see you jumping in trying to help somebody else like I was!
:'''Chino''': I couldn't! 'Cause I was getting fucked up! I was fucking up! How could I help somebody if I'm fucking up? [Gordon facepalms]
:'''Jonathon''': Team player? You ain't no team player!
:'''Chino''': Okay? I felt sorry for him, alright?
:'''Jonathon''': You don't even know what that means! Fuck you!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Guys!
:'''Gordon''': Anyway, Brendan and Chino, step forward.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': The only thing bigger than Brendan's ego are the lies that he tells and I can't have that in Hell's Kitchen.
=== Episode Three [9.03] ===
:''[During the Mommy and Me team challenge]''
:'''Gordon''': Where's the quesadilla?
:''[Elizabeth sends the quesadilla, which cooked by Jamie, to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[checks the quesadilla]'' It's burnt. It's chewy. ''[Returns to workstation]'' Ladies! LADIES! COME HERE, ALL OF YOU! Would you serve that, to your baby?
:'''Red team''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Unbelievable! ''[Sees Jamie wiping her face with kitchen napkins]'' Jamie, STOP SULKING LIKE A FUCKING BABY! The babies are out there, not in here! ''[slams the tray on the workstation]'' Start again!
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': Fucking shit!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on panini brought up by Jonathon]''
:'''Gordon''': Unbeliavable. (to the blue team) All of you, just stop! Look at me! '''LOOK AT ME!!''' ''[crowd sees what's happening in the kitchen while a baby cries]'' There's no chicken in here, and you think I'm going to push that out. You've got a small lead, but it's shrinking away! Start the table again!
:'''Blue team''': Yes, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[During Family Night Dinner Service]''
:''[Gordon and Sous-chef Scott check on two pairs of chicken fingers brought up by Tommy]''
:'''Gordon''': They're overcooked and they're fucking dry. ''[returns to the workstation]'' Tommy, come here. Come here! I know they're children, right? I've got four of my own. ''[gets a piece of overcooked chicken]'' Would you serve them that shit?
:'''Blue team''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': What is that? It's-it's like a fucking baby's flip-flop! ''[throws the chicken away]'' Oh, piss off, will you?
:'''Natalie''': Come on, quality product, Tommy!
:'''Gordon''': Piss off.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Carrie and Jennifer bring their meat entrées to the pass]''
:'''Sous-Chef Andi''': Why do we have a kid's burger?
:'''Gordon''': It's not even on the ticket.
:'''Sous-Chef Andi''': Neither is the wellington.
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns the entrées to the workstation]'' All of you, come here! It's the first freaking ticket of the night. Two bass, two New York strip, one lamb, one cod.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': No burger, no wellington.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': (interview) Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
:'''Gordon''': Your first ticket. Jennifer, THIS IS EMBARRASSING! Half the dining room is filled with children! ''PATHETIC!!''
:'''Jennifer Normant''': (interview) I'm mortified that I was even a part of this. I will not go down for Carrie. I should have just pushed her away and had her do something else.
:'''Gordon''': Start again!!
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[after Tommy brings his chicken fingers to the pass]''
:'''Sous-Chef Scott''': (to Tommy) What's the ketchup for? ''[Tommy removes the ketchup]'' Next time you start giving me stuff I don't need, I'm just going to throw it at you.
:'''Tommy''': Yes.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': (to Amanda) What's going, Amanda?
:'''Amanda Colello''': I'm sorry, chef?
:'''Gordon''': WHAT'S GOING?
:'''Amanda Colello''': I have two bass on this ticket, chef, with the lamb.
:'''Gina Melcher''': And a cod.
:'''Gordon''': And a cod?
:'''Amanda Colello''': And a cod.
:'''Gordon''': The cod's not on?
:'''Amanda Colello''': The cod is not on, chef.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': What?
:'''Amanda Colello''': I forgot about it.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my GOD!!
:'''Elise''': (interview) Amanda, is there anyone home?!
:'''Gordon''': You haven't got the cod on?!
:'''Amanda Colello''': I forgot about it. (interview; laughs nervously) Ugh.
:'''Gordon''': Family night?! ''Disaster'' night!
:'''Amanda Colello''': I'm sorry, chef.
:''[Gordon throws his spoon away on the workstation out of disappointment]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': How much time now?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': We're waiting on the lamb.
:'''Elise''': Are you standing there with your hands on your hip while we're trying to put this ticket out?!
:'''Carrie''': No, I'm not.
:'''Elise''': I better see you cooking something.
:'''Carrie''': (interview) Elise is always yelling at me.
:'''Elise''': See what I mean?
:'''Carrie''': I'm not going to let her get to me. I know I can cook. I know I'm good.
:'''Elise''': How long through on the window?
:'''Carrie''': We have one more minute.
:'''Elise''': Please let's get it up.
:'''Gordon''': Garnish, let's go! Here we go! 30seconds to the window!
:'''Andi''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Where's the bass?
:'''Amanda Colello''': It's coming up right now.
:'''Gordon''': Service. Where's the lamb?
:'''Carrie''': Right here, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Let's go! Garnish please. ''[sees that the lamb was raw]'' Look at this. Ah, fuck me. It's raw! (returns to the workstation)
:'''Carrie''': Is it still raw?
:'''Amanda Colello''': Come on.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': You guys walking?
:'''Amanda Colello''': No, it's right there. She's got the other one.
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': You've got to be ''kidding'' me, guys!
:'''Carrie''': ''[touches the raw lamb]'' Know that- that- okay.
:'''Gordon''': STOP! ''[letting Carrie out of his way]'' Leave me alone! ''[sounding as if he might cry]'' All of you come here! Look at the fucking state of this!
:'''Carrie''': I thought it looked good.
:'''Elise''': (interview) I honestly think that Carrie doesn't have all her marbles.
:'''Gordon''': (to Carrie) Why are you doing this to me?
:'''Carrie''': I saw this and I thought it was okay, chef -
:'''Gordon''': "I saw this." It's not even hot, it's raw! '''RAW!''' ''[slams the lamb on the counter]'' '''SHIT!''' ''[throws the lamb away; calls Gina]'' Gina - please!
:'''Gina Melcher''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Take this... useless brigade... around ''every fricking table''... and I want a ''sincere apology'' on the back of your crap performance! Piss off! Every one of them!
:''[Red team exits the kitchen to apologize with the hungry customers]''
:'''James Lukanik''': Why don't you explain to this table? Did you look all these children? They're all famished.
:'''Elise''': We sincerely apologize about your entrées. (interview) It was humiliating apologizing to the tables when I felt like it wasn't my fault.
:'''Carrie''': We're very sorry.
:'''Elise''': We apologize.
:'''Carrie''': We're sorry, we don't have any entrées right now.
:'''Male diner''': ''[whispering]'' Wow!
:'''Elise''': (interview) Yes, we're a team, but you can only do so much when you have a broken leg.
:'''Carrie:''' ''[while returning to the red kitchen]'' Ladies, our promise it will not happen again, okay?
:'''Gordon''': Ladies.
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': ''That'' was the first useful thing you have done tonight. It's also the last. Get out of here! All of you! ''[The Read Team leaves the kitchen]'' ''And hang your heads in shame''! Because you ''absolutely suck''! PISS OFF! Embarrassing! And on family night! YOU CERTAINLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE CHILDREN!
:'''Carrie''': Oh, my God.
:'''Young male diner''': "Shut it down!"
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Red team returned to dorms after their disappointing performance]''
:'''Amanda Colello''': Chef is going to call me out, I'm telling you.
:'''Elise''': (to Amanda Colello) He's going to call you out, but there's two of you going up. (interview) This could be a great opportunity for the Red team. We can rid of Carrie and turn something negative into a positive.
:''[Carrie goes to Elise to fight her]''
:'''Carrie''': The first time all the food was up there...
:'''Elise''': ''[interrupting Carrie]'' Don't talk to me right now!
:'''Carrie''': No, Elise.
:'''Gina Melcher''': Just wait. Just wait.
:'''Elise''': I don't want to hear what you got to say. Get out of my face!
:'''Gina Melcher''': Just wait, you can talk to her later.
:'''Elise''': She can talk upon the chopping block, that's when she can fucking talk. Don't say a word.
:'''Carrie''': No, I'm not going to have you talk like this. Especially to me.
:'''Elise''': Nobody's here talking to you. OK, let me ask you to a serious question right now: do you take medication?
:'''Carrie''': Elise, stop it.
:'''Elise''': Because I think that you are living in another world.
:'''Carrie''': Quit acting like this!
:'''Elise''': You are nothing but a distraction on me. You didn't call anything. You fucked up the whole rhythm of the kitchen, and I knew this was gonna happen!
:'''Carrie''': (starts to get furious) '''THE FUCK I DID!''' ELISE, STOP IT! I DID NOT. You know how bad I want this! Stop it!
:'''Elise''': [talking over Carrie] Yes, you did! Yes, you did! Yes, you did.
:'''Gina Melcher''': Stop it, ladies!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carrie''': (interview) I do deserve to be here. I'm not ready to leave Hell's Kitchen! And I'm ready to fight.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Red team lost the night's service; Gordon became the only nominator for the episode]''
:'''Gordon''': Jennifer, step forward, please.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Shit!
:'''Gordon''': My next choice is... Carrie, step forward. (thinks on a third nominee) Do you know what? Amanda, join them.
:'''Gordon''': Carrie, tell me why you think you should stay in Hell's Kitchen.
:'''Carrie''': I love cooking. It is my passion, it's in my heart. I'm not ready to go yet, Chef. I want to prove you I am good enough.
:'''Gordon''': Why is your team so desperate to see you out of here?
:'''Carrie''': I don't know what Elise has against me. She's had something against me since day one. I'm not quite sure what it is.
:'''Amanda Colello''': It's not just Elise, Carrie.
:'''Gordon''': Amanda.
:'''Amanda Colello''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Why do you think you should stay in Hell's Kitchen?
:'''Amanda Colello''': Well, Chef, unlike Carrie, I am not in denial that I had a fucking crap performance tonight in the kitchen.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah.
:'''Amanda Colello''': Not in denial at all. I want this, Chef. I'm not going to fuck around and lie to you and say like, "Oh, you know, save me. You know, feel bad for me. I'm good." I can pr-I can fucking work my ass off for you, Chef. I can do better. You've seen me do better.
:'''Gordon''': You didn't fight back!
:'''Amanda Colello''': Yes, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': You threw the towel in!
:'''Amanda Colello''': I know, Chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Amanda Colello''': (after being eliminated) I'm so completely and utterly embarrassed and disappointed with myself. My dream coming into Hell's Kitchen was to win, so to have one of my idols tell me "you're not worth it," that shit sucks.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Amanda lost the will to cook on the line tonight. I lost the will to keep her here.
=== Episode Four [9.04] ===
:''[During their punishment prep, the Blue Team decides to rehearse running dinner service]''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Alright, order in. Squab, risotto, scallop, tart. Entrée: wellington, cod, strip, and bass.
:'''Will''': Yep, rice is going.
:'''Natalie''': Scallop.
:'''Will''': Starting to go, starting to go, starting to go. (interview) We had our first two services, and it was a loss. It sucked.
:'''Natalie''': Doing my fish thing.
:'''Will''': (interview) We got an opportunity to work out any kinks that we might've seen in service. (to Natalie) Three minutes out.
:'''Chino''': Now, I'm gonna say, "Okay, dude, it's not ready. So, it's still, uh... in the oven, so... Hey, you gotta give me four minutes."
:'''Natalie''': No, that's not good.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': ''[impersonating Gordon's British accent while slamming his fist on workstation]'' HOW LONG?!
:'''Chino''': You gotta give me four minutes, dude.
:'''Will''': (interview) Chino sat there and was like... ''[chuckles and shakes his head]''
:'''Chino''': OK, three minutes—three minutes on the—three minutes on the wellington.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Three minutes!
:'''Will''': (interview) He can't even fake being a good cook. ''[facepalms]''
:'''Natalie''': So I need two minutes!
:'''Chino''': Say—say I'm behind again.
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) I mean, really? There's no cooking involved. I mean, how hard is that?
:'''Chino''': That's it—that's it, I'm just gonna try and...
:'''Paul Niedermann''': ''[in British accent]'' HURRY UP!
:'''Natalie''': ''[in British accent]'' CHINO!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[During prep]''
:'''Narrator''': While the Blue Team seems focused and united, in the red kitchen, Elise...
:'''Andi''': That's all we have?
:'''Elizabeth''': Yeah, that's everything we get.
:'''Elise''': That's why I'm putting eggs on there, because it cooks down, like...
:'''Andi''': Could you stop talking to me like I'm your fucking child?
:'''Narrator''': ...has found someone else to agitate.
:'''Elise''': Whatever.
:'''Andi''': You need to calm down.
:'''Elise''': I am calm! I'm just saying...
:'''Andi''': Yeah, you're always talking back to me, and you don't need to talk back to me. ''[Carrie smirks]''
:'''Narrator''': ...seems to have a problem with authority.
:'''Andi''': I'm here, you're here. Get it straight. Hello?
:'''Elise''': I heard you.
:'''Andi''': You're so fucking disrespectful!
:'''Carrie''': ''[smiling with Krupa]'' I think this is the first time I smiled all day.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Cod, bass!
:'''Monterray''': Oh, Jesus Christ! Sea bass is fucking falling apart.
:'''Gordon''': Sea bass is what?
:'''Monterray''': Sea bass fell apart.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, boy. Scott.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': (Gives Monterray on a lesson) When you take the fish out of the pan, you leave it on the spatula.
:'''Monterray''': It fell apart. There's nothing I can do. It fell apart.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': You leave it on the fucking spatula! Is that what you did?
:'''Monterray''': No, it's not.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': No, you didn't. So it's the fish's fault again?
:'''Monterray''': No, it's not. It fell apart. There's nothing I can do. It fell apart.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': There IS something you can do, because you should be fucking responsible enough to CARE! YOU'RE GONNA FUCKIN' LIE TO MY FACE AND TELL ME THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!
:''[Screenshot of [[w:Janet Evans|Janet Evans]] and [[w:Mark Spitz|Mark Spitz]] (two Olympic gold medalists on swimming) on Chef's Table]''
:'''Monterray''': (interview) I understand what he's telling me and I'm listening to him, but you ain't going to keep fucking cussing at me. I don't give a fuck who you are: Chef Ramsay, Chef Scott, Chef Andi. You ain't going to keep talking to me like that!
:'''Scott Leibfried''': So don't sit here and BULLSHIT me and tell me that there's nothing you can do!
:'''Monterray''': I'm not bullshitting you. I put it on- I have it. I'm putting it on there-
:'''Scott Leibfried''': You've given up! Get- '''BULLSHIT!''' '''SHUT UP!'''
:'''Narrator''': And Monterray has decided to go toe-to-toe with Sous Chef Scott.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': All you have to do is bring it up, and it won't break!
:'''Monterray''': I understand. I understand.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': DO YOU?! Then FUCKIN' DO IT!
:'''Monterray''': I'm positive.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Then DO IT!
:'''Monterray''': Then it's done then.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': '''''Fuck''' you!''
:'''Monterray''': Well fuck you too then! ''[throws pan into the sink]'' You fucking serious, dawg?
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) When you fucking got too much pride and you wanna stand there and fucking cuss at Chef Scott, that's the motherfucker that needs to go home.
:'''Monterray''': Pass me some goose necks, please.
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) Yeah, just shut him down and send his ass home right now. That's a done deal.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on wellingtons brought up by Chino]''
:'''Gordon''': What is that?
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Cold too. Ice-cold.
:'''Gordon''': CHINO!!
:'''Natalie''': (interview; sighs)
:'''Gordon''': All of you, come here! Just touch that. Touch the meat.''[Blue Team touches the wellington]'' It's raw! ''RAW!!''
:'''Natalie''': Come on, we need to get it together!
:'''Will''': Come on, guys!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Elise prepares the sea bass and is about to send it to the pass]''
:'''Elise''': ''[Picks up the sea bass]'' Behind you, hot. Coming through, coming through! Sea bass!
:'''Gordon''': ''[Checks the sea bass with Sous-chef Andi]'' What's she done to that? ''[Calls Elise]'' Elise!
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Come here. COME HERE! That's right! ''COME HERE''! I've got one bass ''dry'', and one bass ''raw''. Raw! RAW!! Get the bass back in the pan!
:'''Elise''': Fuck!
:'''Carrie''': (interview) Elise had some problems on the fish station. I mean, I thought Chef was about to kick her out of the kitchen. I was kinda hoping for him to, but you know... ''[shrugs]''
:'''Gordon''': Elise!
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I don't know what kind of frame of mind you're in, but it's not on a fucking championship performance, let me tell you!
:'''Krupa''': (interview) Elise will never admit that she's wrong. She just stood there with her eyebrows up and just looking. ''[pouts like Elise]''
:'''Gordon''': Who're you going to blame now?
:'''Elise''': Nobody, chef!
:'''Gordon''': It's about time you looked at yourself in the mirror and took some responsibility!
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Chino brought the second-attempt order for VIP table to the pass and Gordon checks it with Sous-chef Scott]''
:'''Gordon''': (on the wellington) Look at that. Chewed up to fuck. (on the lamb) And that? That's raw.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Yep.
:'''Gordon''': It's pink. ''[returns to the workstation and throws his spoon away]'' Blue team, STOP!! (to Chino) Come here you, look at that. ''[holds the undercooked lamb]'' That is raw. ''[points the lamb fat]'' That is white fat, ''[takes the destroyed wellington dough]'' and what have you done to this? Wha-wha-what is that? So now, you've just fucked ''[knocks his hand on the workstation, and the word "me" was never heard]'' ''me!!''
:'''Chino''': Yes, chef. Yes, chef. (interview) I feel like a dumbass, moron, idiot because I can cook better than that. It's just... It's embarrassing.
:'''Gordon''': There you go. ''[tosses the tray on the floor]'' All of you, FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE! GET UPSTAIRS!
:'''Will''': ''[leaves the kitchen]'' I'm so fucking pissed, it's not even funny. (interview) We suck. The way I look at it is, any time you get a service shut down, you suck.
:'''Gordon''': (to Janet Evans & Mark Spitz) My apologies. In the last service, they were good. That’s what hurts.
:'''Janet Evans''': You gotta fight for it!
:'''Mark Spitz''': Exactly.
:'''Narrator''': After shutting down the blue kitchen...
:'''Gordon''': Now I want to serve the chef table one lamb, one bass.
:'''Narrator''': Chef Ramsay looks to the red team to deliver entrees to both chef's tables
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on lamb brought up by Gina]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, come on. ''[returns to workstation]'' Stop. All of you, come here. What is ''that''?
:'''Gina''': It's raw, chef. I just sliced into it.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, really? I'd never guessed. So in front of (Misty May-Treanor and Jen Kessy) these ladies here, this is how we want to perform? Raw bass, overcooked bass. Raw lamb, what an embarrassment.
:'''Gina Melcher''': Sorry, Chef.
:''[Screenshot of [[:wikipedia:Misty May Treanor|Misty May Treanor]] and [[:wikipedia:Jen Kessy|Jen Kessy]] (two volleyball players) on Chef's Table]''
:'''Gordon''': Why are you doing this to me? It's like being in a volleyball match and I'm the ball getting pounded.
:'''Gina Melcher''': (interview) I was just like, Oh, my God. It was bad.
:'''Gordon''': Let me tell you something really important: SHUT IT DOWN.
:''[Customers start leaving Hell's Kitchen]''
:'''Narrator''': After shutting down both kitchens...
:'''Gordon''': I'd rather send something.
:'''Andi''': Oui, chef.
:'''Narrator''': Chef Ramsay has Sous Chefs Scott and Andi make the entrées for the chef's tables. And after a disastrous dinner service, ''[both Red team and Blue team gather in the kitchen while Chef Ramsay is in front of them]'' Chef Ramsay sums up the evening with one word:
:'''Gordon''': ''PATHETIC.'' So therefore, the winning team tonight is... NOBODY. Both teams, think of ''two individuals'' that could really make your team stronger... by ''exiting''. [pause] Get out of here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Blue Team nominated Chino and Monterray, while the Red Team nominated Carrie and Elise]''
:'''Elise''': I have stepped up my game every service, every challenge, I've gotten better. If you asked my team who they'd rather see leave between me and Carrie, I'm sure the answer would be Carrie.
:'''Gordon''': Elizabeth, if you had to drop Elise or Carrie, who would you drop?
:'''Elizabeth''': Carrie, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Jamie?
:'''Jamie''': Elise, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Krupa, who would you drop?
:'''Krupa''': Elise as well.
:'''Gordon''': Jennifer, who would you drop?
:'''Jennifer''': Elise.
:'''Gordon''': Gina?
:'''Gina''': Elise, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Natalie ''[transferred to blue team since previous episode]'', you were in the Red Team. Who would you send home: Elise or Carrie?
:'''Natalie''': Elise, chef.
:'''Gordon''': No hesitation there. Elise, I did what you asked! I took a vote! Here's the sad news for you: your team wants you out of there so badly, you may be better off.
:'''Elise''': I can guarantee one thing: I never make same mistake twice. This is my first time on the carpet, (Carrie) this is her second, (Monterray) his second, and (Chino) his third. It is not my time to go yet, chef. I'm not here to throw anybody under the bus.
:'''Monterray''': It's too late! ''[laughs]''
:'''Elise''': I'm keeping it 100% with you, chef. I can work on my attitude, but you can't give somebody common sense and talent, [points at Carrie] especially when you're 31. I'm 26. I have so much to learn and so much more to give.
:'''Gordon''': Are you done? [pause] Okay. Time for a difficult decision. My decision is... Elise. [everyone on the Red Team smiles as Elise tearfully walks up to Gordon] Stop crying and get back in line.
:''[Jamie and Jennifer facepalm while Krupa shakes her head]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Chino took his time in Hell's Kitchen very seriously. The problem is he seriously couldn't cook.
=== Episode Five [9.05] ===
''[Gordon checks on risotto brought up by Krupa]''
:'''Gordon''': Who made this? Who made that risotto? The risotto's like soup. ''[returns to the workstation and pours the risotto into another pan]'' Krupa! The risotto is like soup. Soup, soup, soup, fucking soup!
:'''Krupa''': (interview) Soupy risotto, what the fuck was wrong with me?
:'''Gordon''': Come on, Krupa! I know you don't know the difference between veal and beef, but you must know the difference between soup and risotto!
:'''Krupa''': ''[Prepares another risotto]'' Yes, chef. (interview) This sucks. I am better than this. ''[Brings risotto to the pass]'' Risotto.
:'''Gordon''':''[Checks the risotto]'' Krupa, cooked perfectly! ''[Krupa smiles while cooking another food]'' ''[to Andi]'' Okay, let's go. Service.
:'''Krupa''': One fucked-up risotto after that no more.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[While Blue Team starts for the entrée, Jonathon suddenly forgets the side dish for each entrée so he asks Paul for help and Paul takes over the garnish section while explaining it to Jonathon]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[Sees Paul at the garnish section]'' Jonathon.
:'''Jonathon''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Why is Paul taking over the garnish?
:'''Jonathon''': He's helping me out, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Helping you out or doing it?
:'''Jonathon''': I've a little bit- I'm having a little bit of trouble!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, come on! (to Paul) Paul.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Come here, you.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': ''[Approaches Gordon]'' Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': "Help him out" has a big difference, but actually "taking over" I'm not going to let.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Do you understand?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef! ''[returns to his previous section]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Jonathon) Will the garnish be ready, Jonathon?
:'''Jonathon''': Yes chef, it'll be ready!
:'''Gordon''': Look at me, because if it's not, you can ''fuck off''!
:'''Jonathon''': I'll have it ready, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': How long, Gina? ''[Gina doesn't respond]'' ''Talk to your team''!
:'''Gina''': I'm re–I'm ready.
:'''Krupa''': Can you slow it down? I need about a minute and a half on my pasta.
:'''Gina''': I'm good to go.
:'''Krupa''': Slow it down a little bit. (interview) Gina seemed to be in a rush to try to get things done, but the pasta wasn't ready, so I kept on pushing it back and pushing it back.
:'''Gina''': I'm walking with the scallops.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, are you? Everybody else ready?
:'''Krupa''': Hold on. Hold, 15 seconds!
:'''Gina''': [walks to the pass while Krupa continues cooking pasta] Walking with my scallops!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me.
:'''Krupa''': (interview) It's frustrating that she's not listening to me. She was focused on the task that she was doing, but there was no communication.
:'''Gordon''': Let's go, spaghetti!
:'''Krupa''': Lobster spaghetti coming right now, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're not—you're not even working as a team yet. Hurry up, Krupa.
:'''Krupa''': ''[brings the lobster spaghetti to the pass]'' Chef, lobster spaghetti.
:''[Gordon tastes the lobster spaghetti brought up by Krupa]''
:'''Gordon''': Undercooked! ''[spits the spaghetti on his napkin]'' Fuck me. ''[returns to the workstation and throws his tongs away]'' Krupa! ''Taste'' that! Hurry up! ''[Krupa tastes the spaghetti]'' RAW!
:'''Krupa''': I'll give you another one, chef. (interview) Gina definitely screwed me over - timing-wise - and I had no choice but to take it up like that and then take the blame for it.
:'''Gordon''': Gina! Krupa! All I'm begging for is communication! ''Get it together''! Start the table again!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on lobster spaghetti brought up by Krupa]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God! ''I'm so pissed off''. I can't take it anymore. ''(returns to the workstation and throws tongs away)'' '''ALL OF YOU, COME HERE! AT MY FUCKING SIDE!''' ''[knocks his hand on the workstation]'' (to Elise) What's wrong with that?
:'''Elise''': It looks like shit.
:'''Gordon''': There's no pasta! It looks like baby food out of a fucking tin! (to Krupa) IT'S DISGUSTING!! ''[slams the pan down]''
:'''Krupa''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': From a soupy risotto to fucking spaghetti drowned in sauce!
:'''Elise''': (interview) Right now, appetizers is sinking the whole ship.
:'''Gordon''': (to Krupa) Hey, you, you! Fuck off upstairs! GET OUT! I can't bear to look at you anymore! GET OUT!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Two cod, one lobster, one wellington!
:'''Blue Team''': Yes, chef.
:'''Monterray''': (to Tommy) Three and half minutes, yes? On the two cod? The wellington? ''[Tommy doesn't respond]''
:'''Gordon''': Tommy!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Tommy, how long on the cod? You're driving!
:'''Gordon''': TOMMY!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (interview) Tommy doesn't talk. He shuts down, he gets real quiet! And then he doesn't talk to Chef, and that's a sign of disrespect to Chef, so Chef gets even madder at him! (to Tommy) Tommy, how long?!
:'''Gordon''': Tommy, you're keeping us all fucking waiting now!
:'''Tommy''': I'm just going, chef. It's coming, I promise.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, then ''give me a fucking time''!
:'''Monterray''': Two minutes, yes?
:'''Tommy''': No, give me five!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fucking hell.
:'''Tommy''': I gotta redo that cod. (to Will) Can't put that out, right?
:'''Will''': Fuck, man!
:'''Tommy''': (to Monterray) Yeah, push it back. Five on that cod, guys. Five on that two cod. (interview) I'm being a leader for myself in Hell's Kitchen right now. I'm making sure things leaving my hands are perfect, and that's how I'll be noted.
:'''Gordon''': Monterray! Hey, bozo! How can you keep on reheating your meat before it's overcooked?!
:'''Monterray''': It's not, chef!
:'''Gordon''': You don't know how to fucking do it!
:'''Monterray''': It won't be, chef! It won't be!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Cod, sea bass, wellington, (New York) strip! I HOPE IT'S WORKING!
:'''Tommy''': These are up for the cod. Can we plate this?
:'''Natalie''': (to Monterray) Wellington!
:'''Monterray''': ''[cuts into the wellington]'' Oh, my fucking God! [''both halves of the wellington are raw in the center]'' Will, take a look at this. I don't think that's gonna pass.
:'''Will''': If you don't think that's right, you need to let them know now.
:'''Monterray''': Guys, I don't think it's right! Pull back!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck off! ''[slams spoon on workstation]'' Fuck off! (to Monterray) Come here, you!
:'''Monterray''': That was me, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I sent you four minutes ago! How can you continue cooking a wellington?!
:'''Monterray''': I had two, chef. One was over and I still had one to send with the others, chef. And the other one was overcooked as well.
:'''Gordon''': So they're both overcooked? ''[points at Tommy]'' You! Come here, you!
:'''Tommy''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Last table was the cod, overcooked. Now it's the wellington. Let me communicate to both of you! '''FUCK OFF''' OUT OF HERE!! Get out of here, both of you! PISS OFF! Get upstairs and fucking sit and high-five each other! '''GET OUT, TOMMY!'''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Red Team is waiting for the sea bass but still suffers communication problem between Gina and Elise]''
:'''Gina Melcher''': ''[walks to the pass with sea bass]'' It's hot, chef. Very hot.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, stop - fuck off, will you? ''[separates the sea bass, sees that it's raw]'' Aaaahhhh. ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you! Come here! Raw bass! ''[points at the bass]'' ''RAW, fucking bass!''
:'''Gina Melcher''': (interview) Oh, my God. Like here it comes.
:'''Gordon''': Anything to say now?!
:'''Elise''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Nothing at all? Anything to say?! Anybody? '''FUCK OFF!''' ''[smashes the bass as it splatters around the Red Team]'' (to Gina and Elise) Both of you, '''fuck off''' upstairs!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After completing the dinner service, both Red Team and Blue Team gather in the Blue Kitchen with Chef Ramsay at the front]''
:'''Gordon''': I've had enough! I am so pissed off, 'cause I can't see a leader anywhere! NO INSPIRATION! NO COMMUNICATION! '''ZERO!''' (to Red Team) '''YOU'RE GOING BACKWARDS!!''' Winning team? No such thing. Both the Blue team and Red team, get upstairs and come up with two individuals for each team that could ''really'' make your team stronger - by getting the hell out of here. (Brief pause) Fuck off!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': They say good things come in small packages. But unfortunately in Gina's case, her talent matched her size: Tiny.
=== Episode Six [9.06] ===
:''[The Red team have to make the cake for tonight's dinner service for their punishment; Carrie and Jennifer notice some of their teammates slacking off]''
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Alright, can we have a team meeting for five seconds?
:'''Carrie''': This cake's gonna look like shit, and it's not funny.
:'''Elise''': Who's laughing? Stop saying that like no one's taking it seriously! (interview) Carrie got a big mouth as always. If she wanna try and get in my face with it, she better back down.
:'''Carrie''': I wasn't saying that I was making a joke!
:'''Elise''': That's exactly what you said!
:'''Carrie''': No!
:'''Elise''': You said, "No one's laughing either!" Like, that to other people, makes them feel as though they're not taking it serious.
:'''Carrie''': Okay, I'm not trying to make anyone feel inferior.
:'''Elise''': I'm just telling you what you said.
:'''Carrie''': Elise, can I please talk for fucking once?!
:'''Elise''': You don't make me feel inferior. I just don't like how you try to act like no one else around you is taking it seriously.
:'''Carrie''': (interview, impersonates Elise talking) "Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, Carrie! Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah!"
:'''Elise''': You're a trifling-fuck bitch.
:'''Carrie''': Are you kidding me?
:'''Elise''': I'm about to show you, bitch!
:'''Carrie''': You don't have to yell at me! I'm right here!
:'''Elise''': You better get out of my face!
:'''Carrie''': Goddammit, Elise.
:'''Elise''': Know that! You get up out of my face!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Before the start of the dinner service, Gordon presents a cake for the high school reunion]''
:'''Gordon''': Where's the cake? Please? (to Scott) Scott, we are all order the special cake, right?
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': Very good. Excellent. ''What on earth''? ''[finds that the cake that the Red team prepared during their punishment was poorly made]'' Holy crap. Someone vomit on it? What's on this bits of brown? What a mess.
:'''Carrie''': We thought it looked like sand.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': ''[laughs]'' Yeah chef.
:'''Gordon''': Look at it! It's like a big Mexican sombrero gone wrong with someone shat on it. (to Blue team) Blue team, have you seen this disaster?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': ''[raises his right arm]'' Olé!
:'''Gordon''': Yeah. Let me tell you something, we are definitely not serving that thing. ''[brings the cake and hands it over to Sous-chef Scott]'' Would you mind, Scott? Would you mind putting it over there? Thank you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on snapper brought up by Paul]''
:'''Gordon''': Paul?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns to workstation & touches on the center of the snapper as Paul approaches Gordon]'' It's cold in the centre and ''it's fucking raw''.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': I'll re-fire chef.
:'''Gordon''': I'm struggling, Paul! ''I don't expect that from you''! It's our ''first table''! ''[smashes the snapper]'' I'm struggling, Paul! ''I don't expect that from you''! '''NOT TONIGHT!'''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon notices Carrie adding an old rice into a fresh risotto that she is cooking]''
:'''Gordon''': Carrie! Look at me. ''LOOK AT '''ME!'''''
:'''Carrie''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're adding the old rice into the fresh rice, just reheating it. I'm watching whatever you're doing.
:'''Carrie''': ''[responds hesitantly]'' No, I did a- some- oh- yes- I'll start over right now.
:'''Gordon''': So -
:'''Elise''': ''[Interrupts Gordon]'' (to Carrie) Drop that pan and start over!
:'''Gordon''': She wants to cut corners! (to Elise) And you wonder why I'm pissed off?
:'''Elise''': No, chef. (interview) That's pretty stupid. My mind was blowing, I was like: "Well, Chef Ramsay sees it from who she (Carrie) is, the weakest of the team".
:'''Gordon''': (to Carrie) I know the name of your restaurant: "Chez Leftovers".
:'''Carrie''': Yes, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': While Carrie starts from square one on her rice, Chef Ramsay...
:'''Gordon''': ''[asks for snapper]'' Snapper, please.
:'''Narrator''': ...is waiting on Paul...
:'''Gordon''': Where's the snapper?
:'''Narrator''': ...once again.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes chef, I'm pushing it right now.
:''[Gordon checks on snapper brought up by Paul]''
:'''Gordon''': It's fucking raw. ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you! ''[angrily throws his spoon away]'' I'm- ''I'm struggling!'' The fish is fucking '''RAW!''' ''[knocks the workstation] '''IT'S THE SECOND TIME!''' ''And it's the ''committee's table''! ''You can't do that to me!''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef.
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) Paul's crashing and burning on the fish station like a Titanic, you know? It's fucking going down.
:'''Gordon''': (to Paul) '''YOU, OFF FISH!'''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': ''[angrily slams his towel]'' ''Fuck!''
:'''Gordon''': Jonathon, Monterray! On the fish!
:'''Monterray''': (interview) I'm like, "okay." (to Jonathon) Come on. Let's go, let's go.
:'''Gordon''': Get a grip, guys!
:'''Monterray''': Four to five minutes.
:'''Gordon''': Jesus Christ.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Jonathon! Monterray! Committee table, we've got to put it together!
:'''Monterray''': Two minutes.
:'''Jonathon''': Two minutes chef.
:'''Monterray''': Not bad.
:'''Jonathon''': Don't yell. You did do what you got.
:'''Monterray''': No, no, no, no.
:'''Jonathon''': Just what you got to do.
:'''Monterray''': (interview) Chef Ramsay throws me on fish station, so I do what I can. And Jonathon's sittin' back and I'm like, "Dude! What the hell are you doing? Start fucking cooking for your team please! Like, what is wrong with you?"
:'''Gordon''': What the fuck is Jonathon doing?
:'''Jonathon''': I'm trying to help chef. Trying to help.
:'''Monterray''': (interview) Jonathon's sitting in the corner like some stray dog with his tail between his legs.
:'''Jonathon''': If anybody needs anything, just holler at me, okay?
:'''Monterray''': (interview) So I guess I'm by myself, I have to step up and I'm like, more capable of doing this job.
:'''Gordon''': Where is the snapper?
:'''Monterray''': ''[Brings the snapper to the pass]'' Right here, chef.
:''[Gordon checks the snapper; after finding out that it's raw, he has had it with the Blue team]''
:'''Gordon''': It's raw. All of you, come here.
:'''Monterray''': What the fuck happened?
:'''Gordon''': Just touch that. ''[touches the top of snapper]'' Put your hand on top of there. Touch it. Touch it. ''[Tommy touches the snapper while Monterray walks away]'' Don't you dare- I am so pissed off! I can't take it anymore. I've had-I've had enough!
:'''Monterray''': Sorry, chef. Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': He (Paul) screws me, you (Monterray) walk away.
:'''Monterray''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Where's your respect? Get out! Fuck off!
:''[Blue Team leaves the kitchen]''
:'''Natalie''': Ugh.
:'''Jonathon''': Can a couple of us stay, chef, and try to do something?
:'''Gordon''': Piss off!
:'''Jonathon''': Fuck!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The blue team nominated Monterray and Paul for elimination, Chef Ramsay also nominated Jonathon for his poor performance]''
:'''Gordon''': Paul, that was one of the worst dinner services I’ve ever witnessed.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': I’m sick to my stomach for what happened tonight. I ruined somebody’s 20-year anniversary that they’ll never get back. I feel that I’m not done, chef. I take full responsibility for what happened, but I really, really don’t want to go.
:'''Gordon''': I’m unconvinced. You disintegrated! You backed up the entire dining room!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': I know, chef. I had the worst service of my life! I am so disappointed in myself, that I’m literally cringing–cringing of watching you at the pass, and I’m shitting on you every fucking table, 'cause I couldn’t get my shit together! I don’t want that to ever happen again, and I have enough determination to ensure it WON’T fucking happen again! That’s why I still want to be here, because MY FIRE ISN’T OUT!
:'''Gordon''': Paul.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Back in line.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Thank you, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': It was high school reunion night in Hell's Kitchen. Unfortunately, for Monterray, he flunked the test.
=== Episode Seven [9.07] ===
:''[Gordon is about to tell the Blue Team what their reward is for winning the beer challenge]''
:'''Gordon''': Blue Team, I've got an amazing day. Do you like speed?
:'''Tommy''': Meth or coke?''[the contestants laugh]''
:'''Carrie''': Oh, my God! ''[Gordon slaps himself]''
:'''Tommy''': Only kidding! I'm only kidding!
:'''Will''': ''[to Natalie]'' Switch spots with me, please. ''[he and Natalie do so]''
:'''Natalie''': You're going to make me stand next to him (Tommy)?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Elise!
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Salad!
:'''Elise''': ''[runs to pass]'' Sorry to keep you waiting.
:'''Gordon''': ''[checks salad before returning to workstation]'' Come here! All of you, come here! Hey, look. Look. [pours water out of salad bowl] That's the state of where we are now. [drops bowl]
:'''Carrie''': (interview) I did tell her right before dinner service, I was like, "Elise, you need to drain that salad." ''[flashback of Carrie telling Elise to drain the salad]'' As always, she never listens.
:'''Gordon''': (to Elise) Look at me. Why is it in the water?
:'''Elise''': I... I didn't touch the station. Carrie touched the station. It's in water, I'm gonna drain it.
:'''Carrie''': It's supposed to be drained before we start, and I did ask you to do that.
:'''Elise''': I didn't—
:'''Gordon''': (to Elise) What section are you on?!
:'''Elise''': I am on appetizers, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Right, so who's responsible for draining the fucking salad?!
:'''Elise''': I am, chef! I'm sorry, chef, I'm draining it now!
:'''Gordon''': As usual. It wasn't drained for me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Wellington, New York!
:'''Krupa''': I have the wellington and the New York ready. I'm cutting it right now. ''[gasps after seeing the center of the cut wellington]'' Oh, this one's gonna be overcooked. Shit!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God. Holy fuck, this is not real. Everything's fucked! ''[looks at wellingtons on Krupa's station]'' Oh, come on. Red team, stop! Everything's overcooked!
:'''Elizabeth''': (interview) Krupa was cooking all the meat wrong. She was a nightmare.
:'''Gordon''': (to Krupa) What are you doing?!
:'''Krupa''': I don't know, chef. (interview) I honestly don't know what happened. There's no reason. (sighs; to Gordon) I'm frazzled, chef. I'm sorry.
:'''Gordon''': You're telling me? Krupa, do you wanna go home?
:'''Krupa''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Let's go!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jonathon''': How long on the bass?
:'''Natalie''': Three and a half minutes. (interview) I've never cooked sea bass here before, but it's just like any other piece of fish, and you know, I've already messed up once, you know. I don't plan on doing it again.
:'''Natalie''': (to Jonathon) How long do you need?
:'''Jonathon''': Go ahead. I'm fixing to cut two wellingtons.
:'''Natalie''': (brings the sea bass to the pass) Behind.
:'''Jonathon''': This wellington's overdone. Yep, here it is, baby. (interview) I'm almost to the point of panic. Tommy prepped my wellingtons like big balls of shit. What am I supposed to do? (in the kitchen) That's a little bitty motherfucker right there. Probably to get my ass handed to me on that one. Yep. (brings the wellington to pass) Here.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. (returns the sea bass and wellington to the workstation) All of you, come here!
:'''Jonathon''': ''[moans]'' (interview) Chef Ramsay's about to fucking kill my ass.
:'''Gordon''': One, I don't know what the fuck that is. ''[grabs a wellington]''
:'''Jonathon''': It's a little one, that's my fault, Chef. It won't happen again. It's a fucking little bit overcooked because of the size. I realize that. It won't happen again, I promise.
:'''Gordon''': Just like that?... ''[throws a spoon on a workstation]'' (brief pause) (Natalie) And you? It's raw in the center. Raw. And you're a talented cook! (Natalie goes silent to give her response)
:'''Jonathon''': Chef, I've got some more wellingtons.
:'''Gordon''': (calling Jonathon and Natalie out of the kitchen) You and you... fuck off! Get out!
:'''Jonathon''': For crying out, man, I'm so sick of this bullshit, man.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, hold on. Take that shit with you.
:'''Jonathon''': I'm done. I'm quit.
:'''Gordon''': JONATHON! COME HERE, YOU!
:'''Jonathon''': You can kiss my ass.
:'''Gordon''': JONATHON! I'd respect you more if you told me BEFORE you brought it to me! (brief pause) A-anything to say?!
:'''Natalie''': It won't happen again.
:'''Gordon''': DON'T '''FUCKING DARE''' BRING ME THAT SHIT!
:'''Natalie''': Yes, chef. Won't happen again.
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off!
=== Episode Eight [9.08] ===
:'''Gordon''': (to Red Team) Table 31, look at me! The appetizers now, [[w:United States Coast Guard|U.S. Coast Guard]], yeah? Show them some respect.
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Let's go.
:'''Jamie''': Jennifer, a minute out?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Yeah, one minute out. We're walking in thirty seconds.
:'''Gordon''': Good. Wow, drive it, Jamie.
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': Yes, chef! (interview) We have really solid cooks on our team.
:'''Elizabeth''': (to Carrie) How long on the pizza, Carrie?
:'''Carrie''': How long does it take? About two minutes?
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': (interview) I mean, with the exception of Carrie.
:'''Gordon''': (to Carrie) What is it with you and pizza?!
:'''Carrie''': I know, chef. I can do this, chef.
:'''Gordon''': There's a pizza on the next table...
:'''Carrie''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ...and it's not even rolled out.
:'''Carrie''': Rolling it right now, chef.
:'''Elizabeth''': (interview) Carrie is just so, like, frazzled in her head that she's not even thinking straight, and can't see in front of her.
:'''Gordon''': (to Carrie) Look at me. That's already fucked. ''[holds up thin pizza dough]'' When you roll it looking like a pair of fucking knickers... ''[Elise shakes her head]''
:'''Carrie''': I'll start a new one, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Jesus Christ. ''[throws dough on workstation]''
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:'''Jonathon''': Capellini, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[after examining the capellini]'' Fuck me. ''[returns to workstation]'' Over my fucking dead body! All of you, come here. Where's your spoons? (to Natalie) Just taste that! Taste it! I swear to God, it's like food from a kindergarten! I've tasted better canned spaghetti! And this is the U.S. Coast Guard! (to Paul) You! Show them how to do a lobster capellini!:
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': If it doesn't sink in, THEY'RE OUT!! I don't care, they're gone!
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:'''Gordon''': Jonathon, come here. I want a word with you.
:'''Jonathon''': (interview) The pain is starting to get to me. I thought I could push through dinner service, man. But it's–it's gradually getting worse.
:'''Gordon''': ''[follows Jonathon into the pantry]'' What's happening?
:'''Jonathon''': Honestly, chef...
:'''Gordon''': What's happening? Look at me ''straight in the eyes!'' What's happening? Come on!
:'''Jonathon''': Uh...
:'''Gordon''': Give it to me!
:'''Jonathon''': My mobility's a little limited. I didn't want to give up on the team or be a bitch or give up. So I'm in here doing the best I can.
:'''Gordon''': It doesn't stop you using your brain! I've had a young man in here two years ago that ''broke his fucking arm! [referring to Dave, who won season 6]'' He went on to '''''win''''' the fucking competition!
:'''Jonathon''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': If you've given up, '''GET OUT!'''
:'''Jonathon''': I'm not giving up!
:'''Gordon''': WELL, FUCKING FIGHT BACK!
:'''Jonathon''': I ''am'' fighting, chef!
:'''Gordon''': '''THEN STOP SENDING ME SHIT!'''
:'''Jonathon''': Yes, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': New York strip, wellington. Where are we?
:'''Jonathon''': How long, Tommy?
:'''Gordon''': Anybody helping him or what?
:'''Tommy''': Hold on, I got it! I got it!
:'''Jonathon''': You gotta cut those too, man!
:'''Tommy''': Hold on. I got a rhythm going.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. You three.
:'''Jonathon''': Cut it and bring them up.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Bring it up!
:'''Gordon''': What's this one, normal or medium? Is that medium?
:'''Will''': Tommy, which one's well?
:'''Tommy''': I don't know which one's well!
:'''Jonathon''': Medium or well?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (interview) Tommy can cook, but Tommy doesn't communicate. Tommy's in his own fucking world.
:'''Natalie''': Tommy, what's this one?
:'''Gordon''': Where's the two medium? (to Tommy) Stop. Leave me alone. Leave me alone, Tommy.
:'''Tommy''': That's the medium rare, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Leave me alone. My fucking head hurts.
:'''Tommy''': The last two are medium.
:'''Gordon''': [to Blue Team] All of you. All of you, just touch that. Just touch that! Where's the two medium?
:'''Tommy''': Here, chef. And that is the medium rare.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, the cold one? (to Tommy) You made me look like a fucking arsehole in front of [[w:Wolfgang Puck|Wolfgang Puck]] today! Now, that's... that's hot, that's lukewarm, and that's cold. Are you done?
:'''Tommy''': No, no, no!
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I'm done with you!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Tommy, heat them up! Get them back to the fucking pass!
:'''Gordon''': How long?!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': HOW LONG?!
:'''Tommy''': Three minutes, chef.
:'''Jonathon''': You have another wellington you can use, or do I need to put this one in?
:'''Gordon''': WHY CAN'T WE JUST ''FUCKING REHEAT THEM?! [slams fist on workstation]''
:'''Jonathon''': IT'S FALLING APART! IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT, I'M NOT SENDING IT OUT LIKE THAT!
=== Episode Nine [9.09] ===
:''[Gordon notices Tommy firing a sea bass]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey! Hey, hey, look at me! Hey, hello? ''[calls the attention of the blue team by knocking the workstation twice]'' He's (Tommy) cooking the seabass, what the fuck is he doing?!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Come on, Tommy! Tommy, are you serious?
:'''Gordon''': Come here you! Hey, come here! He's cooking the fucking entrée ''[knocks his hand on the workstation]'' before we get to the fucking appetisers!
:'''Tommy''': (interview) I got a little ahead of myself, I was on Speed Racer Mode. Started to get a little racy in the brain. I'm doing everything a hair early.
:'''Gordon''': So he's cooking the sea bass now! For the third table, we haven't even sent the appetiser!
:'''Tommy''': Okay, I'm rushing it.
:'''Gordon''': Rushing it? Do me a favour. Fuck off outside, get a big, deep breath of fresh air. Piss off! Go on. Outside. Outside! Hey, look at me, fuck off! What a fucking muppet! (After Gordon kicks Tommy out for his fresh air) Romantic dinner? More like a fucked-up dinner!
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:''[Gordon checks on sea bass brought up by Carrie]''
:'''Gordon''': Now, look at this. ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you, come here. Yeah, that's you (Carrie).
:'''Carrie''': What? ''[sees her sea bass]'' Oh, God. I didn't even see that. Oh, shit.
:'''Gordon''': (to Carrie) Hey, come here. You didn't see that?
:'''Jamie Gregorich''': (interview) Burning stuff to crisp and trying to pass it off like you didn't see it? That's some kind of joke.
:'''Gordon''': Get out!
:'''Carrie''': I didn't even see that. I have another one in the oven. Don't kick me out, chef. Please. I'm not ready to quit, chef--
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, look at- get out!
:'''Carrie''': No!
:'''Gordon''': Get out.
:'''Carrie''': No, I have another one in the oven!
:'''Gordon''': Get out of here.
:'''Carrie''': ''[tries to return]'' Goddammi-- I have another one--
:'''Gordon''': Get out!
:'''Carrie''': Fuck! ''[tries to return again]'' Chef, please, no! I have another one in the oven! I can do this!
:'''Gordon''': ''[knocks his hand on the workstation]'' Fucking move! You thick fucking idiot! ''[calls Carrie and gives her the burnt sea bass]'' Hey madam! Madam! Take your shit with you. Yeah. Enjoy your romantic dinner on your fucking own!
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:'''Narrator''': Meanwhile, in the blue kitchen...
:'''Gordon''': How long two bass, one chicken, one cod?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Walking now, chef.
:'''Narrator''': Paul is ready with the blue team's first entrées.
:'''Gordon''': What's he done? It's raw! (brief pause) Paul!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Is it raw chef?
:'''Gordon''': Stop! All of you, come here! Paul just asked me, 'Is it raw?'
:'''Paul Niedermann''': It's under!
:'''Gordon''': (To Paul) Will you tell me? Just touch that! TOUCH THAT! ''[Natalie touches the chicken]'' '''ROMANTIC DINNER?!''' ''[throws his spoon away on the workstation]''
:'''Will''': (interview) It pisses me off because Paul knows better that. I mean... you just can't serve raw chicken.
:'''Gordon''': (to Paul) Hey, chef! Let me ask you, is that raw?
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Chef, its under. I got another one. I'll give it to you right now--
:'''Gordon''': Hey, come here you! Answer my fucking question.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Yes, chef. It's raw.
:'''Gordon''': '''GET OUT!'''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': ''[loses his temper and throws his towel on the floor]'' Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Pink carnations, maybe. Pink chicken, no chance!
:'''Paul Niedermann''': ''[angrily knocks on the wall with both hands; having throw tantrums]'' (interview) I fucked up on a chicken! I mean, I'm fucking furious at myself! ''[kicks his door to the dorms]'' Chef Ramsay, let me back in! Let me finish what I started.
:'''Gordon''': Tommy, give that to Paul for his fucking romantic dinner. Upstairs, hurry up!
:'''Tommy''': PUT THE SCALLOPS ON!
:'''Gordon''': Shut up!
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:'''Elise''': Vegetarian cap(ellini)?
:'''Narrator''': Elise is ready with the vegetarian capellini.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, Jesus Christ. That's not vegetarian. Elise! It's the-- Shut your fucking mouth! One capellini, no lobster.
:'''Elise''': I'm sorry.
:'''Gordon''': Start again. Yeah, fuck off! I'm sorry you're here. You ''[points to Jamie]'' are like her. You just can't be bothered anymore!
:'''Elise''': No, chef!
:'''Jennifer Normant''': (interview) Elise is one of those people that thinks that she's one of the strongest, but not tonight.
:'''Gordon''': Entrées! ''[knocks his arm to the workstation; reads the ticket]'' One fucking vegetarian capellini, no lobster, just plain tomato sauce! Call out, chef.
:'''Elise''': ''[begins to read the ticket]'' Entrées! One vegetarian lobster capellini.
:'''Gordon''': One more time!
:'''Elise''': Entrées is vegetarian lobster capellini!
:'''Gordon''': '''ONE MORE TIME!! ONE MORE TIME!!'''
:'''Elise''': One lobster capellini vegetarian!
:'''Gordon''': IS IT IN?!
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': '''WAKE UP!!'''
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef! (interview) I know Chef Ramsay is pissed off at me because I know respect so much more to me. I expect toward myself and I'm pissed off at myself.
:'''Gordon''': (quietly, to Elise) A black jacket? You need a straitjacket!
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:'''Narrator''': While Tommy finishes what Chef Ramsay stared, over in the red kitchen...
:'''Elise''': Vegetarian cap(ellini). ''[brings to the pass]''
:'''Narrator''': Elise is ready to impress with her next oyster dish.
:'''Gordon''': Let's go! ''[Elise presents the dish]'' Aw, come on! (Brief pause) In fact, you tell me chef, are they overcooked?
:'''Elise''': ''[after touching oyster dish]'' Yes they are, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Come here you, GET OUT! Hey! Do you know what? You don't care.
:'''Elise''': I do care!
:'''Gordon''': Look! Come here! Look, look! They're like bullets! Look at the water... Look at... You're going to say... You're going to say they're fresh and delicious?
:'''Elise''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, take that, take that and fuck off out of here! Eat them! Enjoy your dinner! Nice romantic plate of oysters for a ''little'' superstar.
:'''Elise''': (interview) '''Uaagghh...!!!'''
:'''Gordon''': (to Elise) Bon appetit, princess!
:'''Elise''': (interview) I'm pissed, I'm embarrassed. The only way to get worse is if I don't have a chance to redeem myself because I know I can fucking do it.
=== Episode Ten [9.10]===
''[Gordon checks on mashed potatoes brought up by Carrie]''
:'''Gordon''': What the fuck? ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you, just stop! Come here.
:'''Elise''': Uh-oh.
:'''Gordon''': ''[sees Carrie still doing her garnishes]'' Oh, my God. Look, she's so fucking rude.
:'''Carrie''': I'm not rude chef.
:'''Gordon''': Put your fucking pan down. ''[gets a spoonful]'' That's burnt! ''[angrily slams the pan upside down]''
:'''Carrie''': I got more potatoes coming right now chef.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Come on, Carrie!
:'''Elise''': (interview) Garnish was slow as hell today. That was not coming off.
:'''Gordon''': ''[throws the spoonful on the workstation]'' '''SHIT!!'''
:'''Carrie''': I got more potatoes coming right now.
:'''Gordon''': It's like a fucking bullet!
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:'''Gordon''': Elise, you have a bright career in this industry... as a customer! Your biggest problem is you can't work with a team.
:'''Elise''': That's not true, I have been trying to work with my team since I got here.
''[Carrie shakes her head]''
:'''Gordon''': How many people on The Red Team think Elise is a unique dynamic team player then?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': I think she's an individual, I'll say
:'''Gordon''': More concerned about her in her little world?
:'''Elise''': ''[over Gordon speaking]'' Was I an individual when I went up and read the tickets for everybody? ''[Carrie sighs in disbelief]'' Was I an individual then? ''[bangs the work surface]'' When no one else would step up and I did? Was I an individual then?
:'''Carrie''': One time Elise?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Shut up for, '''SHUT UP FOR FIVE FUCKING SECONDS!!!''' THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO WHAT WE HAVE TO FUCKING SAY!
:'''Elise''': Oh I take constructive criticism!
:'''Jennifer Normant''': SHUT UP!, my fucking turn! ''[Will shakes his head]'' That's your problem, no one fucking listens! ''[Paul gives off a shocked look]''
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''[during the blue team's punishment]''
:'''Tommy''': Grape jokes. So many grape jokes.
''[Natalie laughs]''
:'''Will''': (to Tommy) Are you serious right now bro? Natalie is going to fucking snap if you tell one grape joke.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (interview; with a deep funny voice) Hey Guys This Is Grape! Hello! ''[laughs then groans in frustration]''
:'''Tommy''': If you hold on a second, uh.. you know I think my brain will work if I have "grape" expectations.
:'''Natalie''': I'm so tired.
''[Paul, Will, and Tommy laugh]''
:'''Natalie''': (interview) Please say one more damn grape joke. Please do it. Because, I'm going to fucking choke you-
:'''Tommy''': Natalie, I feel like after my jokes, I've lost all ap-''peel'' to you.
''[Everyone except Natalie laughs]''
:'''Natalie''': (interview; softly) Oh my god! ''[Natalie has enough]'' I am tired of these stupid fucking grapes. ''[throws the grapes away]''
:'''Paul Niedermann''': Calm down, Natalie.
:'''Natalie''': You know why? because I'm not peeling anymore grapes, this is as stupid as shit, and I'm not doing it....... ''[throws the grapes on the ground, and jumps on them like she is throwing a tantrum]'' I'M NOT PEELING THEM ANYMORE! NO MORE! NO MORE FUCKING GRAPES! I'M NOT PEELING ANYMORE GRAPES EVER AGAIN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! THIS IS STUPID!
''[Tommy, Will, and Paul all laugh]''
:'''Natalie''': (interview) ''[says nothing]''
''[Natalie calms down]''
:'''Paul and Will''': Do you feel better?
:'''Natalie''': (calmed) I feel better.
:'''Tommy''': Oh, that was grape.
:'''Natalie''': ''[throwing grapes at Tommy]'' Tommy I'm.... I'm going to kill you.
''[Tommy starts laughing again]''
=== Episode Eleven [9.11]===
''[Elise brings her meat to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Unbelievable. ''[returns to the workstation]'' Hey, stop! This is ridiculous!
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Oh, my god. We're so going to get thrown out again.
:'''Gordon''': (to Elise) Is this the one you sliced?
:'''Elise''': Yes, chef. ''[touches the meat]''
:'''Gordon''': It's ''dry''. What are you ''doing''? You've been to New York, you've had your hands on the prize. This like night one in here.
:'''Elise''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': And you, Elizabeth. You can't time and you can't talk to anybody. You've given up over there.
:'''Elizabeth''': No, chef. No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (calling Elise and Elizabeth out of the kitchen) You and you, fuck off out of here. Get out! Take that with you, just leave me alone. Get out of here, both of you! Fuck off up to the dorm... ''[Elise kicks the bin out of anger]'' (to Elise) Hey, you! Pick that fucking thing up! You want to serve shit, overcooked meat, now start kicking the bin! Wow! Un-fucking-believable! GET OUT! FUCK OFF! Pathetic! Embarrassing! Jennifer!
:'''Jennifer Normant:''' Yes chef!
:'''Gordon:''' You’re on your own!
:'''Jennifer Normant:''' Yes chef!
:'''Gordon:''' One cod, two New York strip, one Wellington yes?
:'''Jennifer Normant:''' Yes chef!
=== Episode Twelve [9.12]===
:''[Gordon checks on the Red team's capellini]''
:'''Jennifer Normant''': (to Elise) Elise, give your opinion.
:'''Elise''': It looks good.
:'''Gordon''': ''[finds that two of the plates have different amount of lobster]'' "It looks good"? "It's looks good"! ''[gets two plates from the pass]'' Look at this one with four little bits of lobster on. Twelve on there, five on that! '''LOOK AT THAT TO THAT!!! DAMN!!''' ''[pounds the counter; throws his spoon away]'' '''I'M SO EMBARRASSED!! COME ON!!'''
:'''Elise''': Jennifer, what do you want me to do?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?! Are you trying to sabotage me?! ''[pause]'' I fucking helped both of you!
:'''Elise''': What do you want me to do?! (interview) Why would I try to sabotage? I didn't have to sabotage! Jen's fucking up so bad on her own! ''[to Jennifer]'' Do you want me to put this up there?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Yes!
:'''Elise''': Okay! Well, you have to give me direction! Like, you're just...
:'''Jennifer Normant''': You know what, Elise? Back off!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on the Red team's apples]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[slicing the apples]'' The apples are raw. Just touch that inside. ''[Elise touches the apples]'' Fuck off will you? '''CAN WE GET THE APPLES BACK IN THE PAN?!!'''
:'''Jennifer Normant''': (interview) I had Elise cook one fucking pan of apples, and it's raw. This fucking bitch will do anything to get rid of fucking me. Anything!
:'''Gordon''': You put them on, you put them on, not one of you can tell her they're undercooked. You don't care for each other!
:'''Jennifer Normant''': (tearfully) I worked fucking hard with them for them, I make sure you guys are fucking great!
:'''Elise''': I did exactly what you told me to do.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Elise!
:'''Elise''': Are you serious?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': Yeah, this is for the whole mashed potato thing. You know what, Elise? You're petty as you can be. You know what, I kept my mouth shut for a long time, I'm not keeping it shut anymore. War's on!
:'''Elise''': WHAT?!
:'''Jennifer Normant''': ''(brings her apples to the pass; to Elise)'' I don't need your help. Thank you.
:'''Elise''': I'm going to help anyway.
:'''Jennifer Normant''': I really don't want it.
:'''Elise''': (interview) Is that how it's going to be? Jen's blaming me trying to make me look bad. She's going to regret not making a friend in me.
:'''Gordon''': (to the servers) Go, please! ''[throws his apron on the counter out of disappointment]'' Anything to say?
:'''Jennifer Normant''': We suck, yes.
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:''[After the service in which the Blue team had clearly won and were rewarded with black jackets]''
:'''Gordon''': (to the Red team after another argument between Jennifer and Elise) Ladies, the only thing I can say to all three of you is get ready to plea for your lives. Because tonight, all three of you can be leaving this competition. Now, FUCK OFF!!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Tonight was all about charity in Hell's Kitchen and after watching Elizabeth's performance, I'm now ready to donate her jacket to a worthy cause.
=== Episode Thirteen [9.13]===
:'''Elise''': Hope you all brought sunglasses, 'cause we're going to shine.
:'''Tennille''' (from season 6): No, I just brought body bags.
=== Episode Fourteen [9.14]===
:''[Gordon checks on salmon brought up by Elise; after finding out that it's raw, he has finally had it with the final five]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you, stop. ''[throws his spoon away]'' Just fucking stop, ALL OF YOU. (to Elise) Come here you. Put your finger in there. ''[Elise puts her finger inside the salmon]'' Not pink, raw. I'm done. (to the other chefs) Leave me alone. All of you, fuck off out of here. All of you. Get out, please. Just fuck off. Enough is enough.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (interview) We are the final five black coats! And I'm getting kicked out of a fucking service! ''[pause]'' No, not cool!
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Am I finishing?
:'''Gordon''': Put them back in the pan, yeah?
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Yeah, I'll finish this.
:''[Soon after the final five already kicked out, Gordon changed his mind to put Paul and Will for their another chance to cook with him and Sous chefs Scott and Andi]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Sous chef Scott) Hey Scott, can you get Andi get Paul and Will back, okay?
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': We have fucking completely vigils be!
:''[Sous Chef Andi walks outside the kitchen to the patio]''
:'''Andi''': Will, Paul, COME WITH ME.
:'''Paul Niedermann''': (interview) The greatest kicked me off that you can ever have in my life that have Chef Gordon Ramsay. Saying you're know what it wasn't you, go finish what you started.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After the end of service, in which Elise, Jennifer and Tommy were sent out of the kitchen]''
:'''Tommy''': Chef? I got to ask you something. Why did you send me out of the kitchen? I wanted to be back in there with my team. I should not have had to fucking leave tonight, and I could have fucking held it down and fixed it! I'm so fucking mad!
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off, Tommy! Or I'll stick your fucking head in that oven and talk to you through the fucking gas burner.
:'''Tommy''': Do it.
:'''Gordon''': ''[after a brief silence]'' Please don't rub anymore salt in the wound.
=== Episode Fifteen/Sixteen [9.15/16] (Two Hour Finale)===
''[After Paul Niedermann wins Hell's Kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': (To Elise during the celebration) Get out there and continue, all right? Take this and continue with it and really go with it. And seriously, just stop being such a bitch!
[[Category:Hell's Kitchen seasons]]
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[[File:Liberty-statue-from-behind.jpg|thumb|In their loss of [[purpose]], in their abandonment even of the [[themes]] they most sincerely espoused, [[Britain]], [[France]], and most of all, because of their immense [[power]] and [[impartiality]], the [[United States]], allowed conditions to be gradually built up which led to the very climax they dreaded most. They have only to repeat the same well-meaning, short-sighted behaviour towards the new problems which in singular resemblance confront us today to bring about a third convulsion from which none may live to tell the tale. ~ [[Winston Churchill]]]]
[[File:Castle_Romeo.jpg|thumb|I do not know with what [[weapons]] World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and [[stone]]s! ~ [[Albert Einstein]]]]
[[File:V-formation.jpg|thumb|200px|Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a [[computer]] screen? ~ [[Alan Moore]]]]
'''[[w:World War III|World War III]]''' (WWIII or Third World War) denotes a successor to [[w:World War II|World War II]] (1939–1945) that would be on a global scale, with common speculation that it would be likely nuclear and devastating in nature. The term has also sometimes been used, perhaps most notably by [[Buckminster Fuller]], to refer to the [[Cold War]] which existed between [[Communism|communist]] and "[[Free society|free world]]" countries with the military rivalry most acute between the [[Soviet Union]] and the [[United States]].
== Quotes ==
:<small>'''In alphabetical order by author or source.'''</small>
*There are necessarily many lesser problems but these cover the major ones with which humanity is at this time confronted, and which must find some solution during the next twenty-five years. If no progress is made and these problems remain unsolved, at least in some measure, and if humanity slips back into the status existing prior to the war, then nothing can stop the next war. If it comes, it will bring the final death blow to the human race. Mankind as we know it, could not survive, nor would it be right and good that it should. The death of a race might then be decreed and the long process of nurturing a race of men who would finally express divinity would have to be started all over again. These are not idle words, but the formulation of a possibility which can be clearly visioned, but which need never materialize if humanity learns the lesson of this war, recognizes its mistakes, and sets in deliberately to take those steps which will make such a happening as [[World War II|the past war]] (1914-1945) an impossibility. This will have to be done by the simple method (simple to write but difficult to implement) of establishing right human relations between men and between nations.
**[[Alice Bailey]], PROBLEMS OF HUMANITY. The Alternative Is Another War
* We will not fight a war against [[Russia]] in [[Ukraine]]. Direct confrontation between [[NATO]] and Russia is World War III, something we must strive to prevent. But we already know [[2021–2022 Russo-Ukrainian crisis|Putin's war against Ukraine]] will never be a victory. He hoped to dominate Ukraine without a fight. He failed. He hoped to fracture [[Europe|European]] resolve. He failed. He hoped to weaken the [[w:Transatlantic alliance|transatlantic alliance]]. He failed. He hoped to split apart [[United States|American]] [[Democracy|democracies]], in terms of our positions. He failed.
** [[Joe Biden]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-additional-economic-sanctions-against-russia-and-exchange-with-reporters "Remarks on Additional Economic Sanctions Against Russia and an Exchange With Reporters"] (March 11, 2022)
* In their loss of [[purpose]], in their abandonment even of the [[themes]] they most sincerely espoused, [[Britain]], [[France]], and most of all, because of their immense [[power]] and [[impartiality]], the [[United States]], allowed conditions to be gradually built up which led to the very climax they dreaded most. They have only to repeat the same well-meaning, short-sighted behaviour towards the new problems which in singular resemblance confront us today to bring about a third convulsion from which none may live to tell the tale.
** [[Winston Churchill]], ''[[The Second World War (book series)|The Gathering Storm]],'' 1948, [https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Gathering_Storm.html?id=Daxn4IOTqC4C&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button p. 38].
*World War III would begin the moment Russian tanks arrived in Kiev and at the borders of Europe. Preventing them from arriving is the only way to stop World War III.
**[[Guido Crosetto]], ''[https://tg24.sky.it/politica/2023/01/27/crosetto-tank-russia-kiev-terza-guerra-mondiale Guerra in Ucraina, Crosetto: "Con tank russi a Kiev terza guerra mondiale"]]'', ''tg24.sky'', 27 January 2023
*'''The only way to win the next world war is to prevent it.'''
**[[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], (October 17, 1956) [https://www.eisenhowerlibrary.gov/eisenhowers/quotes#War speaking in Seattle],
* '''I do not know with what [[weapons]] World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and [[stones]].'''
** [[Albert Einstein]], in an interview with Alfred Werner, ''Liberal Judaism'' 16 (April-May 1949), <!-- 12. --> Einstein Archive 30-1104, as sourced in ''The New Quotable Einstein'' by Alice Calaprice (2005), p. 173
** Differing versions of such a statement are attributed to conversations as early as 1948 (e.g. ''The Rotarian'', '''72''' (6), June 1948, [http://books.google.com/books?id=0UMEAAAAMBAJ&pg=PA9 p. 9]: "I don't know. But I can tell you what they'll use in the fourth. They'll use rocks!"). Another variant ("I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones") is attributed to an unidentified letter to Harry S. Truman in [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7406337/ "The culture of Einstein" by Alex Johnson], ''MSNBC'', (April 18, 2005). <!-- also http://web.archive.org/web/20050419230458/http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7406337// publication of letter or location of archive welcome here --> However, prior to 1948 very similar quotes were attributed in various articles to an unnamed army lieutenant, as discussed at [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/06/16/future-weapons/#more-679 ''Quote Investigator'' : "The Futuristic Weapons of WW3 Are Unknown, But WW4 Will Be Fought With Stones and Spears"]. The earliest found was from “Quote and Unquote: Raising ‘Alarmist’ Cry Brings a Winchell Reply” by [[Walter Winchell]], in the ''Wisconsin State Journal'' (23 September 1946), p. 6, Col. 3. In this article Winchell wrote: <blockquote><p>Joe Laitin reports that reporters at Bikini were questioning an army lieutenant about what weapons would be used in the next war.<br>“I dunno,” he said, “but in the war after the next war, sure as Hell, they’ll be using spears!”</p></blockquote>
::It seems plausible, therefore, that Einstein may have been quoting or paraphrasing an expression which he had heard or read elsewhere.
*I am proud of my leadership in the [[foreign policy of the United States]]. I intend to go on trying to do what is right for America and what is right for all mankind. We are at peace. No Americans are dying on any battlefield tonight. There are no international wars, though there are many areas of tension and serious danger. We have suffered a few setbacks, tragic ones, and some disappointments in the course we have taken since [[World War II]], but we have not had World War III. We have built a solid alliance of free peoples across the North Atlantic We have made friends and partners of former foes in [[Europe]] as well as in [[Asia]]. We are expanding trade and cooperation with the nations washed by the Pacific. We have strengthened our traditional ties with [[France]], [[Canada]], [[Mexico]], [[Latin America|Central and South America]]. Over the past 30 years since we came home from the Pacific and other theaters of war to make a better world, we have not blown up [[civilization]], and we have preserved our freedom.
**[[Gerald Ford|Gerald R. Ford]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-and-question-and-answer-session-portland-with-members-the-world-affairs-council Remarks and a Question-and-Answer Session in Portland With Members of the World Affairs Council of Oregon] (May 22, 1976)
*[... ] The First World War had to be fought in order to allow the “Illuminati” to overthrow the power of the tsars in Russia and transform this country into the stronghold of atheistic communism. The differences stirred up by the agents of the “Illuminati” between the British and German empires were used to foment this war. After the war ended, communism had to be built up and used to destroy other governments and weaken religions.
:World War II had to be fomented by taking advantage of the differences between fascists and political Zionists. The war had to be fought in such a way as to destroy Nazism and increase the power of political Zionism, in order to allow the establishment of the sovereign state of Israel in Palestine. During World War II, a Communist International as strong as the whole of Christendom had to be established. At this point, the latter had to be contained and kept under control when required for the final social cataclysm. Can any informed person deny that Roosevelt and Churchill carried out this policy?
:World War III had to be fomented by taking advantage of the differences stirred up by the agents of the Illuminati between political Zionism and the leaders of the Islamic world. The war must be directed in such a way that Islam (the Arab and Muslim world) and political Zionism (including the State of Israel) destroy each other, while at the same time the remaining nations, once again divided and opposed to each other, will be forced to fight each other to the point of complete physical, mental, spiritual, and economic exhaustion.
:We will unleash the nihilists and atheists and provoke a formidable social cataclysm that will clearly show, in all its horror, to the nations, the effect of absolute atheism, the origin of barbarism and bloody subversion. Then everywhere, citizens, forced to defend themselves against a world minority of revolutionaries, these destroyers of civilization, and the multitude disillusioned by Christianity, whose worshippers will from that moment be without guidance in their search for an ideal, no longer knowing where to direct their worship, will receive the true light through the universal manifestation of the pure doctrine of Lucifer finally revealed to the public, a manifestation which will be followed by the destruction of Christianity and atheism, conquered and crushed at the same time!
**Letter of [[Albert Pike]] addressed to [[Giuseppe Mazzini]], dated back to 15 August 1871. Summarized in [[w:William Guy Carr|William Guy Carr]], ''[https://archive.org/details/pawns-in-the-game-carr-1955-bookmarked/page/4/mode/2up Pawns in the Game]''. Reported in ''Massoneria e sette segrete: la faccia occulta della storia'', Controcorrente, 2021. ISBN 978-8898000340, Ch. ''[https://www.disinformazione.it/mazzini.htm La corrispondenza Mazzini-Pike del 1870]'' (URL archived on [https://archive.is/wip/PV7yv March 15, 2016]; in Italian)
*Recently I said and now I repeat, we are going through World War III but in instalments. There are [[Economic system|economic systems]] that must make war in order to survive. Accordingly, [[arms]] are manufactured and sold and, with that, the balance sheets of [[Economics|economies]] that [[sacrifice]] man at the feet of the idol of [[money]] are clearly rendered healthy. And no thought is given to [[Hunger|hungry]] [[children]] in [[w:Refugee camps|refugee camps]]; no thought is given to the [[Refugee|forcibly displaced]]; no thought is given to destroyed [[Home|homes]]; no thought is given, finally, to so many destroyed [[Life|lives]]. How much [[suffering]], how much [[destruction]], how much [[grief]]. Today, dear brothers and sisters, in all parts of the earth, in all nations, in every heart and in [[Grassroots movement|grassroots movements]], the cry wells up for [[peace]]: War no more!
**[[Pope Francis]], [https://www.ncronline.org/blogs/earthbeat/eco-catholic/popes-eco-quotes-inalienable-right Address to the World Meeting of Popular Movements"] (October 28, 2014)
* What never happened, despite universal fears that it might, was a full-scale war involving the United States, the Soviet Union, and their respective allies. The leaders of these countries were probably no less belligerent than those who had resorted to war in the past, but their bellicosity lacked [[optimism]]: for the first time in history no one could be sure of winning, or even surviving, a great war. Like the barbed wire along the [[Hungary|Hungarian]] border, war itself-—at least major wars fought between major states—had become a health hazard, and therefore an anachronism. The historical currents that produced this outcome are not difficult to discern. They included memories of casualties and costs in [[World War II]], but these alone would not have ruled out future wars: comparable memories of [[World War I]] had failed to do so. [[Robert Oppenheimer|J. Robert Oppenheimer]] hinted at a better explanation when he predicted in 1946 that "if there is another major war, atomic weapons will be used." The man who ran [[Manhattan Project|the program that built the bomb]] had the logic right, but the Cold War inverted it: what happened instead was that because [[nuclear weapons]] could be used in any new great power war, no such war took place. By the mid-1950s these lethal devices, together with the means of delivering them almost instantly anywhere, had placed all states at risk. As a consequence, one of the principal reasons for engaging in war in the past—the protection of one's own [[Land|territory]]—no longer made sense. At the same time competition for territory, another traditional cause of war, was becoming less profitable than it once had been. What good did it do, in an age of total vulnerability, to acquire spheres of influence, fortified defense lines, and strategic choke-points? It says a lot about the diminishing value of such assets that the Soviet Union, even before it broke up, peacefully relinquished so many of them.
** [[John Lewis Gaddis]], ''The Cold War: A New History'' (2005), pp. 261-262
*It is my conviction that if there had been anything in the nature of a [[NATO|North Atlantic Treaty]] in the World before 1939, there would have been no second world war. It has been described as "the unnecessary war". Surely a third world war, immensely more devastating, more agonizing than its predecessors, is not only the unnecessary, it is the avoidable war. Not only can we avoid it; we must avoid it. It is in this hope that many European countries have abandoned their historic neutrality; that is why the United States of America have abandoned their historic [[isolationism]] from European affairs; that is why all like-minded nations are determined that never again shall an [[War of aggression|aggressor]] be given a chance - as [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] was - of swallowing us one by one.
**[[Hastings Ismay]], [https://www.nato.int/docu/speech/1953/s19531113.htm Radio talk on Belgian radio], 13 November 1953
* [[w:Model|Models]] grew to astonishing levels of [[complexity]], fuelled by the desire to create an accurate simulation of conflict, a scientific understanding of a quite literal war machine. The father of systems analysis, [[w:RAND|RAND]] researcher [[w:Ex Paxson|Ed Paxson]], was symptomatic of this with the minutiae of his [[w:Obsession|obsession]] in [[planning]] for World War III: <br> His [[dream]] was to quantify every single factor of a strategic bombing campaign – the cost, weight, and payload of each bomber, its distance from the target, how it shouldfly in formation with other bombers and their fighting escorts, their exact routing patterns, the refueling procedures, the rate of attrition, the probability that something might go wrong in each step along the way, the weight and inaccuracy of the bomb, the vulnerability of the target, the bomb’s ‘kill probability,’ the routing of the planes back to their bases, the fuel consumed, and all extraneous phenomena such as the [[weather]] – and put them all into a single [[w:Mathematic equation|mathematic equation]].
** Fred Kaplan, ''The Wizards of Armageddon'', New York: Simon & Schuster, 1984, p. 87; as qtd. in Antoine Bosquet, [https://www.academia.edu/390023/Cyberneticizing_the_American_War_Machine_Science_and_Computers_in_the_Cold_War “Cyberneticizing the American War Machine: Science and Computers in the Cold War”], p. 91
*Can you tell me one good reason why the United States should have been producing twice as many [[scientists]] and [[Engineering|engineers]] 10 years ago as the Soviet Union and producing half as many today? Those of you who are [[w:American_Legion|Legionnaires]], maintain your membership in the Legion because in time of war you responded to the service of our country; you will recall that in the novel ''[[w:On the Beach (novel)|On the Beach]]'', the lone American survivors of World War III are standing on the beach in [[Australia]], awaiting the inevitable end from a cloud of [[w:Radioactivity|radioactivity]]. The senior officer in the group turns to the others and says, "You know, I could run for [[President of the United States|President]]." That is not the Presidency for which I run. I don't want to be the President of a nation perishing under the [[w:Mushroom cloud|mushroom cloud]] of a nuclear warhead, and I intend, if President, or if I continue in the Senate, to build the defenses which this country needs, and which freedom needs.
**[[John F. Kennedy]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/speech-senator-john-f-kennedy-american-legion-convention-miami-beach-fl Speech of Senator John F. Kennedy, American Legion Convention, Miami Beach, FL] (October 18, 1960)
* We cannot have another world war. War is the wrong word. We should ban the term ‘World War III’ and say instead [[apocalypse]] or [[holocaust]].
** [[Golo Mann]], in Hamburg’s ''Die Zeit'' (August 30, 1985); also in ''The Watchtower'' (15 February 1986) [https://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1986120?q=Golo&p=doc],
*Imagine the surprise to [[China]]’s [[Chinese Communist Party|leaders]] that in order to achieve [[World domination|global domination]], instead of starting World War III, they simply had to cut some checks.
** Douglas McKinnon, "[https://thehill.com/opinion/international/555751-china-is-already-winning-world-war-iii-via-money China is already winning World War III, via money]," ''[[w:The Hill|The Hill]]'', (May 29, 2021)
*'''[[The Joker]]''': Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of [[geese]] on a [[computer]] screen?
** [[Alan Moore]], ''[[w:Batman: The Killing Joke|Batman: The Killing Joke]]'', [[DC Comics]], (March 1988)
*** Potentially in reference to [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nuclear_close_calls#1950s an incident in 1956], when a wedge of flying swans over [[Turkey]] was temporarily wrongly identified by [[w:NORAD|NORAD]] as an enemy aircraft.
*The Soviet Union, unlike previous aspirants to hegemony, is animated by a new fanatic faith, antithetical to our own, and seeks to impose its absolute authority over the rest of the world… With the development of increasingly terrifying [[w:Weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], every individual faces the ever-present possibility of [[Destruction|annihilation]] should the conflict enter the phase of total war
**[[w:NSC 68|NSC 68]] (National Security Council Paper 68), [https://alphahistory.com/coldwar/quotations-origins-cold-war/ (January 1950)]
*In the wake of such destruction, and with the advent of the nuclear age, it became clear to victor and vanquished alike that the world needed institutions to prevent another world war. And so, a quarter century after the [[United States Senate]] rejected the [[League of Nations]] -- an idea for which [[Woodrow Wilson]] received this prize -- America led the world in constructing an [[architecture]] to keep the peace: a [[w:Marshall Plan|Marshall Plan]] and a [[United Nations]], mechanisms to govern the waging of war, treaties to protect [[human rights]], prevent [[genocide]], restrict the most dangerous weapons. In many ways, these efforts succeeded. Yes, terrible wars have been fought, and atrocities committed. But there has been no Third World War. The [[Cold War]] ended with jubilant crowds dismantling a [[Berlin Wall|wall]]. [[Trade|Commerce]] has stitched much of the world together. Billions have been lifted from [[poverty]]. The ideals of liberty and self-determination, equality and the rule of law have haltingly advanced. We are the heirs of the fortitude and foresight of generations past, and it is a legacy for which my own country is rightfully proud.
**[[Barack Obama]], [https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/remarks-president-acceptance-nobel-peace-prize Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech], (December 10, 2009)
*The understanding that a third world war could be the end of [[civilization]] should restrain us from taking extreme steps on the [[International relations|international arena]] that are highly dangerous for modern [[civilization]]
**[[Vladimir Putin]], [https://www.cnbc.com/2018/06/07/russias-vladimir-putin-holds-annual-phone-in.html televised question and answer session] (2018)
*A principal concern of the people of the [[United States]] is the creation of conditions of enduring peace throughout the world. In company with other peace-loving nations, the United States is striving to insure that there will never be a World War III. In the words of the [[Charter of the United Nations]], we are "determined to save succeeding generations from the scourge of war." We seek lasting peace in a world where freedom and justice are secure and where there is equal opportunity for the economic well-being of all peoples.
**Harry S. Truman, [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/special-message-the-congress-the-marshall-plan Special Message to the Congress on the Marshall Plan] (December 19, 1947)
*Now, once in a while, I get a letter from some impatient person asking, why don't we just get it over with? Why don't we issue an ultimatum, make all-out war, drop the atomic bomb? For most Americans, the answer is quite simple: We are not made that way. We are a moral people. Peace is our goal, with [[justice]] and [[freedom]]. We cannot, of our own [[free will]], violate the very principles that we are striving to defend. The whole purpose of what we are doing is to prevent World War III. Starting a war is no way to make peace. But if anyone still thinks that just this once, bad means can bring good ends, then let me remind you of this. '''We are living in the eighth year of the [[w:Atomic age|atomic age]]. We are not the only nation that is learning to unleash the power of the [[atom]]. A Third World War might dig the grave not only of our [[Communism|communist]] opponents but also of our own society, our world as well as theirs. Starting an atomic war is totally unthinkable for rational men.'''
**[[Harry S. Truman]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/the-presidents-farewell-address-the-american-people 1953 Farewell Address]
*What we should do is focus on [[Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant|ISIS]]. We should not be focusing on [[Syria]]. You’re going to end up in World War III over Syria if we listen to [[Hillary Clinton]]. You’re not fighting Syria any more, you’re fighting Syria, [[Russia]] and [[Iran]], all right? Russia is a nuclear country, but a country where the nukes work as opposed to other countries that talk.
**[[Donald Trump]], [https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-trump-exclusive-idUSKCN12P2PZ interview] with Reuters on the [[w:Syrian civil war|Syrian Civil War]] during the [[w:2016 United States presidential election|2016 United States presidential election]] (October 26, 2016)
*[[w:Montenegro|Montenegro]] is a tiny country with very strong people. … They’re very aggressive people. They may get aggressive, and, congratulations, you’re in World War III
**[[Donald Trump]], on an [https://video.foxnews.com/v/5810471499001/?playlist_id=5198073478001#sp=show-clips interview] with [[Tucker Carlson]] (2018)
* We shall decide some time in 1943 or 1944 whether to plant the seeds of World War III. That war will be certain if we allow [[w:Prussia|Prussia]] to rearm either materially or psychologically. That war will be probable in case we double-cross [[Russia]]. . . . Unless the [[Liberal democracy|Western democracies]] and Russia come to a satisfactory understanding before the war ends, I very much fear that World War III will be inevitable.
** [[Henry Wallace]], ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]'', [http://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,796086,00.html "Foreign News: World War III?"], (March 22, 1943), as qtd. in Becky Little, [https://www.history.com/news/weve-been-talking-about-world-war-iii-since-before-pearl-harbor "We've Been Talking About World War III Since Before Pearl Harbor"], ''History.com'', (December 7, 2018).
== See also ==
*[[War]]
*[[Nuclear war]]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:World Wars]]
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:'''Seasons:''' [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 1|1]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 2|2]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 3|3]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 4|4]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 5|5]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 6|6]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 7|7]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 8|8]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 9|9]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 10|10]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 11|11]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 12|12]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 13|13]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 14|14]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 15|15]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 16|16]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 17 (All-Stars)|17]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 18 (Rookies vs. Veterans)|18]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 19 (Las Vegas)|19]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 20 (Young Guns)|20]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 21 (Battle of the Ages)|21]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 22 (The American Dream)|22]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 23 (Head Chefs Only)|23]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 24 (Battle of the States)|24]] | '''[[Hell's Kitchen|Main]]'''
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'''''[[w:Hell's Kitchen (U.S.)|Hell's Kitchen]]''''' is an American cooking reality show based on [[w:Hell's Kitchen (UK)|the British program of the same title]], where Chef [[w:Gordon Ramsay|Gordon Ramsay]] puts aspiring chefs through different challenges and dinner services to decide who is the best.
=== Episode One [10.01] ===
:''[Sous Chef Scott meets with the contestants when they first arrive; Two of them happen to be decoys]''
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Many years ago, when I first met Chef Ramsay, I told him I wanted to work for him so bad that I would shave my head. ''[holds up picture of himself with hair]'' This is what I looked like before I started working with Chef Ramsay. ''[some of the contestants laugh]''
:'''Robyn''': Wow.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Yesterday, Chef Ramsay was asking how I'm gonna test your commitment. I couldn't think of a better way than for you to do what I did eight years ago. (to Andi) Andi, please bring in the barber's chair.
:''[Sous Chef Andi walks into the dining room pulling a barber chair]''
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': (interview) This cannot be happening. Who wants to shave their head? What girl wants to shave their head?
:'''Scott Leibfried''': I have even convinced Andi to make the same commitment.
:'''Justin''': (interview) No way. There's no way she's gonna cut her hair.
:'''Andi''': Oh, fuck it. I already beat you to it. ''[pulls wig off, revealed that she puts a bald cap above her head]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Sous-chef Scott volunteers who would go next; cuts off to Danielle to be called]''
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': (interview) I don't want even to look him in the eye. Please don't cut my hair! please don't cut my hair! PLEASE DON'T CUT MY HAIR! PLEASE DON'T CUT MY HAIR!
:'''Scott Leibfried''': (pause; points to Danielle) You?
:''[Danielle reluctantly sits down in the chair; The ladies gasp while Danielle squirms and moves her head away from Scott's razor]''
:'''Gordon''': SCOTT! ''[walks from a balcony]'' What the fuck is going down there? STOP, SCOTT!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
:'''Scott Leibfried''': I'm sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[Letting Danielle be back in line]'' You, out of the chair! Back in line!
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': (interview) Yes, yes, thank God. Thank God, this is totally not gonna happen.
:'''Gordon''': Enough's enough! I want all of you to get into the kitchens and cook me your signature dish! Let's go! ''[looks at Andi's "bald" head after the contestants run to both kitchens; to Scott]'' What the fuck happened to Andi?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[During the signature dish challenge]
:'''Gordon''': Right, first name is?
:'''Tavon''': Tavon.
:'''Gordon''': Your position now is what?
:'''Tavon''': Executive Chef at (Washington) D.C.
:'''Gordon''': Wow. And how old are you?
:'''Tavon''': I'm only 22.
:'''Gordon''': You're only 22?
:'''Tavon''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': And you're an executive chef running brigade of chefs?
:'''Tavon''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': Well done. Amazing.
:'''Tavon''': Thanks.
:'''Gordon''': What is it? Jesus!
:'''Tavon''': Shrimp scallops and crab with top of fettuccine noodles and alfredo sauce with whiskey infused.
:''[Gordon tastes Tavon's signature dish]
:'''Gordon''': How much vinegar you put in there?
:'''Tavon''': A dime in a drizzle. A more in a drizzle.
:'''Gordon''': It is really hideous. This red coming is really bad. I mean really bad.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on scallops brought up by Roshni; finds that they're raw]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey, all of you, come here!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Oh, man!
:'''Barbie''': (interview) This is so bullshit! Wow!
:'''Gordon''': I've had enough! Just touch these! (to Roshni) I mean honestly?
:'''Roshni''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Here we standing here forty-five minutes into service, we haven't got the fucking appetisers out. ''[Roshni throws the raw scallops in the bin]'' (to Roshni) Get out! Get out of there!
:'''Roshni''': (holds the pan) No, chef! No!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, look at me! look!
:'''Roshni''': Please?
:'''Gordon''': I'm not telling you one more time, get the fuck out of here! Fuck off upstairs! Get out! (to Barbie) Barbie! Get on the scallops! Cook me fucking scallops!
:'''Barbie''': Yes, chef.
:'''Roshni''': ''[exits the kitchen and throws her apron out]'' (interview) I've never ever walked off to the light and I'm always completed dinner service. (cries)
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Tavon has brought pigeon to the pass; Gordon tears the meat apart and notices it raw in the middle]''
:'''Gordon''': Fucking raw. ''[walks back to workstation]'' The pigeon's still raw! Hey, hey! Hey, all of you, stop! Look! This fucking pigeon's that raw it can still fly! Touch it! ''[hands plate back to Tavon]'' Stone-fucking-cold and raw! Come on!
:'''Royce''': (interview) Tavon couldn't cook a squab. He's just a fucking moron.
:'''Gordon''': Are you seriously—You're an executive chef?
:'''Tavon''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah?
:'''Tavon''': I actually am, yes.
:'''Gordon''': How long for this table?
:'''Tavon''': Four minutes on the squab, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns to the pass]'' Fuck me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon returns to the workstation with scallops brought up by Justin]''
:'''Gordon''': Okay stop! You (points to Justin) don't touch another fucking scallop. Come here. Just touch these. Touch them! ''(Clemenza touches the scallops)'' Jesus Christ! ''[goes to Justin's station; finds that the scallops are poorly sliced]'' Why they're all broken? What the fuck have you done?
:'''Justin''': (interview) I'm working with scallops. They were complete shit. I was completely sabotaged.
:'''Gordon''': Who sliced all these?
:'''Justin''': Someone else did my part, chef.
:'''Chris Carrero''': Who sliced the scallops? Chef has asked a question.
:'''Tavon''': I did.
:'''Gordon''': Come here you, executive chef. Come here. Look at these.''[holds up some scallops]'' Expensive hand dived scallops. Look, you sabotaged them!
:'''Patrick''': (interview) This is ugly. The scallops were just mutilated.
:'''Gordon''': Hold on, it gets better. ''[shows a scallop ripped in half]'' Look at this one!
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) It looked like they got cut with a paper clip.
:'''Gordon''': I mean '''FUCKING HELL!''' Look!
:'''Justin''': That's it. That's everything.
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) We're in trouble.
:'''Gordon''': (to Tavon) You sliced all them! We haven't even served one fucking table! ''[knocks the workstation twice]'' They're all fucked! Look! Look! I've got a bunch of idiots here!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': (to Tavon) Hey you, executive chef. Do you actually cook in your restaurants?
:'''Tavon''': Yes, I did.
:'''Gordon''': And do they do the same there?
:'''Tavon''': Do we do what?
:'''Gordon''': The same shit?
:'''Tavon''': No, no.
:'''Gordon''': So why are you doing it here?
:'''Tavon''': I guess I froze, I mean.
:'''Gordon''': You FROZE?
:'''Tavon''': What else-what else do you want me to say?
:'''Gordon''': You haven't even fucking defrosted! ''[Tavon laughs to himself]'' You think it's funny? All those fucking customers? Do me a favor.
:'''Tavon''': Yeah?
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off upstairs. Get out!
:'''Tavon''': ''[laughing nervously]'' (interview) This is the first time I've ever been kicked out of the kitchen in my career. Chef Ramsay, you're a fucking douchebag.
:'''Gordon''': One onion tart, one spaghetti, how long?
:'''Brian Merel''': What are we waiting on? What do we got?
:'''Gordon''': What are waiting on? I'm waiting on some fucking '''TALENT!!'''
:'''Brian Merel''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': '''THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE!!'''
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks on wellingtons brought up by Christina Wilson]''
:'''Robyn''': Ladies, we got this! We got this, for real!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God. I mean, seriously? ''[returns to the workstation]'' What in the fuck is that?
:'''Robyn''': I guess not.
:'''Gordon''': Who cooked that? Come here. The dough is still raw. Are you fucking for real? Do you want me to serve that out there?!
:'''Christina Wilson''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': It's just a joke!
:'''Dana''': (interview) Damn it! We've got to push out the entrées! Christina's killing us right now.
:'''Gordon''': Have you got another wellington?
:'''Christina Wilson''': Yes. (interview) That's the thing with baking wellingtons. You don't know until the end and there's nothing you can do. So I'm praying like, "Oh, one of these beef, they have to be okay."
:'''Gordon''': ''[slices the pastry of a wellington]'' Look, that's raw. It's fucking raw.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks and eats a piece of spaghetti; finds that it's crunchy]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns to the workstation; to Royce]'' Hey you, come here. Crunchy fucking spaghetti. Crunchy. You can just see it. Pick that up, look. Crunchy.
:'''Royce''': Sorry, chef. I'll have another one in thirty seconds.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, hey. Get out!
:'''Royce''': I'll have another one in thirty seconds!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, hey! Look at me! GET OUT!! Join the fucking exec upstairs! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Narrator''': Nearly two hours into dinner service, the women are stalled on the entrees.
:'''Gordon''': ''[asking to the Red team]'' Chicken wellington, how long?
:'''Robyn''': Five more minutes now, chef.
:'''Christina Wilson''': Five minutes.
:'''Narrator''': And the men are still a mess with the appetizers.
:''[The blue team still haven't sent out appetizers]''
:'''Gordon''': I hope you're fucking proud of this, like a bunch of idiots here!
:'''Don''': Come on guys, we need a down rally here.
:'''Guy''': (interview) Don is a living in his own world, he was wondering around not knowing what fuck not to do himself.
:'''Gordon''': ''[holds the ticket]'' Two caesar salad, one onion tart, how long?
:'''Chris Carrero''': Onion tart working! Get on onion tart! Three right now! Three right now! ''[brings to the pass]''
:'''Clemenza''': Check to see if they done, man.
:'''Gordon''': Put the tray down. Put the fucking tray down. ''[checks the onion tart, sees that it's raw]'' ''Fucking RAW!'' ''[calling all remaining members of the blue team]'' All of you, ''ALL OF '''YOU'''!''
:'''Brian Merel''': Oh, shit.
:'''Gordon''': '''RAW!'''
:'''Patrick''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': You (Chris Carrero) can't cook pastry. END OF THE DAY for me—'''''GET OUT!!!''''' All of you, '''GET OUT!'''
:'''Justin''': (interview) Never in my life having so embarrassed. Anybody who was on that line that wasn't embarrassed doesn't belong anywhere in the kitchen.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon returns to the workstation with wellingtons brought up by Christina Wilson]''
:'''Gordon''': It's still the same fucking table, all of you come here.
:'''Kimmie''': Fuck me!
:'''Gordon''': Look! (grabs a wellington) It's like fucking snot! There's just no thought! Shut it down and fucking clean up.
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef.
:'''Robyn''': Fuck. ''[Gordon throws his towel on the workstation]''
<hr width=50%>
:''[The Blue Team has lost and has to nominate two people for elimination.]''
:'''Gordon''': Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': First nominee and why?
:'''Patrick''': Our first nominee is Tavon. He was in charge of the hot appetizers, and the squab really set us off the wrong way, and he couldn't recover from those.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, he got screwed by a pigeon. ''[Christina smirks]'' Second nominee and why?
:'''Patrick''': The second nominee, uh, is Don. ''[Don rolls his eyes]''
:'''Gordon''': Don?! Why? He didn't even cook. Not only did you put in a shit performance, but you came to a crap consensus! The two worst tonight: Tavon...and Royce. And now, ''[points to Tavon and Royce]'' you two can step forward. Let's go. ''[Tavon and Royce step forward]'' Tavon, tell me, from an executive chef's point of view, why you think you should stay in Hell's Kitchen. Hurry up.
:'''Tavon''': I definitely knew that I was more of the reason that everything went down, and I took responsibility for everything that happened.
:'''Gordon''': What would you rate your performance this evening? Line chef? Sous chef?
:'''Tavon''': Probably a prep cook that got thrown onto the line.
:'''Gordon''': Well, that's way off my estimate. I would have said dishwasher. On a fucking shit day. ''[Barbie chuckles]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': Tavon may have been an executive chef at 22, but he did little to impress me in his short stay in Hell's Kitchen.
=== Episode Two [10.02] ===
:''[During the scallops challenge]''
:'''Gordon''': (examining Roshni's scallops) I've got all different sizes. Look, come here. There's mommy, there's daddy, there's a daughter, there's a son, and there's a baby. Fuck off! What's the matter with you? (Roshni heads back)
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After the Red team declared their challenge victory, Blue teams starts to frustrate]''
:''[Brian slams the towel on a workstation upon his frustration]''
:'''Justin''': '''Fuck!''' (angrily slams his own towel on a workstration)
:''[Patrick throws his spoon and shatters the plates on a table]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon returns to the workstation with risotto brought up by Briana]''
:'''Gordon''': All of you, come here. Three risottos of the same table. A light one, a dark one and a medium one. The same fucking table.
:'''Briana''': (interview) Ohh! Dagger in the heart, shit!
:'''Gordon''': Who's in charge of the appetisers?
:'''Briana''': I am.
:'''Gordon''': So you don't them into one pan and finish them together?
:'''Briana''': I should have.
:'''Gordon''': You put them on together one minute to go into one big pan, fuck me!
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': (interview) I'm like, "Brianna, do something." You're supposed to do everything.
:'''Gordon''': COME ON!! Hurry up! Get them into one pan! I'm not going to serve them in three different colours!
:'''Briana''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Chris brings up four orders of scallops to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Fucking hell. You are kidding me. ''[takes the scallops back from the pass]'' All of you! ALL OF YOU! How dare you! Didn't you learn anything yesterday?! I mean, come on! ''[pounds the table]'' This is where it really hurts. Touch those fucking scallops. ''[The blue team touches the scallops]'' How fucking dare you?! HOW DARE YOU?! All of you, get over there, take your fucking shit, and eat it. Just see what we are about to send out. Fuck off, you. NOW! All of you, NOW! Let's go! Have a snack!
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) My fat ass sat in a pile of snow picking up scallops, and now I'm sitting there like a jerk-off eating these things, because you can't pan sear a scallop? What, are you fucking kidding me?
:'''Gordon''': No one leaves until they fucking eat them, and if you don't want to eat them, fuck off home. I've had enough.
:'''Brian Merel''': Yes, chef. Come on. I've got six in my mouth. (interview, burps)
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God! One, two, three, four, five, six of you cooking scallops?! There's more freaking chefs cooking scallops than there are scallops in the PAN!! ''[slams a scallop on workstation]'' GUYS! Have you any idea how stupid you look?
:'''Chris & Clemenza''': Yes, chef.
:'''Guy''': (interview) Six chefs. One for each scallop, and one to rub their asses.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The blue team is trying to cook on their first entrées]''
:'''Gordon''': Two wellington, two opah! How long?
:'''Justin''': Coming out now, chef! Coming out! Out! ''[brings the wellington to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Where's the opah?
:'''Chris Carrero''': Right behind.
:'''Gordon''': ''[checking Chris' opah]'' Fucking hell, that's raw! Stone-fucking-cold! All of you, come here! ''[calls Chris]'' You, especially! Just touch that! Cold, touch that! Here look! ''[Blue team touches the cold opah]'' Touch......it's stone-cold you... ''[smashes the opah twice on the tray]'' ARGH! AAH! DAMN THAT! Who cooked the wellington?
:'''Justin''': I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Because they're cooked perfectly. Take it back now.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Gordon''': ''[bringing the mashed potatoes back from the pass]'' Bland. Look, it's bland. It's bland. Just stands in there.
:'''Royce''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Butter! Cream! Look, it's bland. It's like fucking plasticine. My God, work it!
:'''Royce''': (interview) Chef Ramsay, I want to say I'm sorry, uh... I'm sorry I disappointed you. I, uh... I didn't know how you wanted your mashed potatoes. ''[sniffles and pretends to wipe away a tear from his eye]''
:'''Gordon''': I don't know how to wake you up anymore. You're like a zombie!
:'''Royce''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You make him (Don) look fucking good!
<hr width="50%">
:(8:06 pm)
:'''Narrator''': Two hours into dinner service and not a single entrée is left either kitchen, patience is wearing thin in the dining room.
:'''Female diner''': I'm hungry.
:'''James Lukanik''': We do apologize.
:'''Narrator''': And the red kitchen is crumbling quickly.
:'''Robyn''': How long is the bass?
:'''Barbie''': Two minutes, guys.
:'''Robyn''': A real fucking two minutes or a playful two minutes?
:'''Christina Wilson''': Coming through. Pardon me, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[sees the fish cooking]'' I've got six bass going. What?
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Chef, I told them to start the bass. Because--
:'''Gordon''': Six???
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': They should be cooked to order! It's fish!
:'''Barbie''': Coming down with scallops.
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': (interview) I don't understand why I'm getting yelled at. I'm trying to fucking put out food for the customers. I mean, I'm pissed off that he's mad at me.
:'''Gordon''': Ladies, STOP! '''ALL OF YOU, COME HERE!''' (Tiffany) You're telling her (Danielle) to cook six bass for three tables in front of what we're doing. ''[points to Barbie's scallops]'' And then this arrives!
:'''Roshni''': (interview) Agh! We're screwed.
:'''Gordon''': For the seventh time, touch them! Touch them! (he touches the scallops, then the red team touches it) All of you, GET OUT! (Barbie) And you, take that with you, get out of my fucking sight, GET OUT! OUT!
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) God! Oh, my God!
:'''Gordon''': Absolutely useless! ''[sees the mess that the Red team left]'' HOLY FUCK.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Robyn''': I got fish! I got fish you cocky bitch!
:'''Barbie''': Don't you ever fucking call me a bitch again, you understand?
:'''Robyn''': (interview) Barbie's the reason why we went down tonight. I don't know why she's fucking here!
:'''Tiffany:''' THE TWO FISH WENT OUT- [Yelling]
:'''Narrator''': And the lack of harmony in the kitchen has now exploded in the dorms.
:'''Tiffany''': FUCKING GET THAT SHIT!! ''[knocks the bottle and the soda can over with her hand]'' YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!
:'''Barbie''': What is wrong with you?!
:'''Kimmie''': Bitch, stop!
<hr width="50%">
:''[Gordon returns an overcooked steak to the workstation]''
:'''Gordon''': All of you, come here! What is that?
:'''Clemenza''': A piece of overcooked steak.
:'''Gordon''': I'm opening a steakhouse in Vegas. ''[gives the steak to Clemenza]'' Take that.
:'''Clemenza''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': And fuck off! All of you, get out! Get out! Get out!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon addresses the teams after gathering in a kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': What a bizarre, strange evening. Ridiculous! Embarrassing! Scallops. The dish where I expected not one little problem anywhere, from both kitchens, I got a meltdown. Tonight clearly the losing team is the women and the men. ''A sinking ship and a runaway train''. Each team, come up with two individuals that you don't want in your team any longer. Do something properly and all together for the first time tonight. FUCK OFF, ALL OF YOU.
=== Episode Three [10.03] ===
:'''Narrator''': With no end in sight for the tension between Barbie and the rest of the woman, it seems the only time the red team is not fighting is when they're sleeping.
:''[moon rising scene]''
:'''Narrator''': And as a new day begins...
:''[At 5:47 AM, Barbie wakes up the entire dorm by stomping her feet on the floor]''
:'''Narrator''': ...Barbie decides she shouldn't be the only one up early cleaning.
:'''Robyn''': (interview) What the fuck is that?
:'''Barbie''': (interview) Wake up.
:'''Robyn''': I don't even make that much noise when I walk.
:'''Robyn''': Do you want to rumble this morning?
:'''Barbie''': I just want everybody to remember where they are and what we're here to do!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': What are you doing?!
:'''Barbie''': I just washed the dishes!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': '''''I came out''''' ''here'' with you going like this, you dumb bitch! (interview) Somebody needs to tell that fucking bitch what's up! (to Barbie) You're about to get choked out, knock it off, grow up! You're 33!
:'''Barbie''': I'm not about to get choked out!
:'''Justin''': (off screen; having heard the noise) YO! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': You want to get fucking choked out? You want to get fucking choked out?! You dumb cunt! ''You're a cunt!''
:'''Barbie''': (interview) Shaking in my boots, I'm shaking.
:'''Robyn''': I'm this close to snapping your neck.
:'''Danielle:''' Come on. Come on. Come on.
:'''Barbie:''' I know you’re this close to snapping, Robyn.
:'''Robyn:''' I don’t give a fuck, bitch!
:'''Barbie:''' I know you don’t!
:'''Robyn:''' I don’t give a fuck!
:'''Barbie:''' I know you don’t!
:''[telephone ringing]''
:'''Justin''': Hello?
:'''Gordon''': (on telephone) Head chef here. I'd like to see everybody, with their jackets, urgently.
:'''Justin''': Yeah, Chef. (to all members) Everybody downstairs now.
<hr width=50%>
:''[During the American citizen lunch service challenge]''
:'''Narrator''': With Guy and Clemenza coming to the rescue, salads are finally leaving the blue kitchen. Meanwhile, in the red kitchen, the women are ready to send out their first table of entrées. All they need is...
:'''Gordon''': Pizza!
:'''Kimmie''': Barbie, pizzas need dressing. Oh, my fucking GOD! You're killing me! (interview) Barbie, you're a stupid bitch! Get the fuck off my station, I don't need your help. It's just garnishing the fucking pizza. ''[to Barbie]'' Barbie! Barbie, I need–Bro what are you doing?!
:'''Robyn''': JUST STAND YOUR STATION!
:'''Barbie''': Okay, got it.
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) She's moving around like a jumping jack and she's cooking pizzas when she's not supposed to.
:'''Gordon''': LADIES! Where is the fucking pizza?
:'''Barbie''': Pizza's here, chef!
:'''Gordon''': ''[checks pizza with Sous Chef Andi]'' That looks like shit! ''[returns to workstation]'' Hey, all of you, come here! WELCOME TO AMERICA. Look at that. ''[to Barbie]'' You eat that bit now. [to Briana] Hey, come here. You eat that as well. That's what you're serving them. Burnt, shitty, black pizza. ''[throws pizza in the trash bin]'' I'd rather ''flee'' the fucking country!
:'''Kimmie''': ''[to Robyn]'' I'm so sick of this bitch (Barbie).
:'''Briana''': (interview) With Barbie the way that she is, I can't tell if she's sabotaging or if she's actually trying to help.
:'''Gordon''': Get off the pizzas!
:'''Barbie''': Yes, chef.
:'''Dana''': (interview) It's getting old! Seriously, Barbie sucks. She pisses everybody off, she needs to go home!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Dana brings her lobster spaghetti to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Put it down! ''[checks her spaghetti; finds that it has too much sauce]'' Fuck, it's like soup. Dana? ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you, come here. It's like canned soup! How much sauce you in there, Dana?
:'''Dana''': Too much, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[pours the spaghetti on a plate and drops the pan on the plate]'' Just fuck off will you? I mean, it's just like piss!
:'''Dana''': I have another one coming right now chef.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon asks for dumplings for the cod dish in the Red kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': Where's the dumplings?
:'''Roshni''': Coming chef.
:'''Gordon''': Coming?
:'''Roshni''': I'm sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': They're not ready yet?
:'''Roshni''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Because you forgot?
:'''Roshni''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Pathetic!
:'''Robyn''': (interview) Rosh, where are the dumplings? "I forgot." Really? Really?!
:'''Gordon''': Can I get two full portions of cod?! With the garnish!
:'''Barbie, Roshni & Brianna''': Yes, chef!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon returns a cod dish to the workstation]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey, come here all of you. ''[throws his spoon away; splits a dumpling in half]'' Here's the big insult. Just touch them. Stone-cold. Pass it on, touch it. They're cold. Stone-cold.
:'''Dana''': (interview) Touch these. TOUCH THESE! Oh, Roshni! Dumplings? Come on, that's the easiest part of the dish!
:'''Gordon''': (to Roshni) You can't even poach a dumpling!
:'''Roshni''': I'm sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Brutal!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks on cod brought up by Briana]''
:'''Gordon''': I got a half portion of fucking cod. Where's the other half gone?
:'''Sous-Chef Andi''': Yeah.
:'''Gordon''': Stop, all of you! ''[raises a piece of cod]'' That's barely a portion and where's that going?
:'''Christina Wilson''': Fuck!
:'''Briana''': Ugh! I didn't realize they shrink down that much, chef.
:'''Gordon''': It's a bit like your brain. Not only it has shrunk, but it has disappeared! Can I have two New York strip and two full portions of cod?!
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Clemenza has found out that he has ran out of wellingtons for the [[wikipedia:United States Marine Corps|US Marines]] table]''
:'''Gordon''': US Marines, how long?
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) I'm in trouble. This is not good. (to Gordon) Chef, I don't have anymore.
:'''Gordon''': Say that again?
:'''Clemenza''': Chef, I don't have anymore.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, fucking baby rhino screws the Marines! '''IT'S PATHETIC!!''' IT'S THE US MARINES! (to Clemenza) Hey, let's go you. Your fucking mess, you get yourself out of it. (to James) I know it's going to look embarrassing, fucking take him to the Marines.
:'''James Lukanik''': Yes, chef.
:
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks on cod and wellingtons brought up by Brianna and Kimmie, but he has had enough with the Red team]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, Jesus. (on the cod) Burned underneath. (on the wellingtons) I got a raw meat here. ''[returns to the workstation]'' Who cooked the wellington?
:'''Kimmie''': I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Kimmie? I got one sort of rare and one sort of looking weird. ''[slams the wellingtons on the workstation]'' Look at that.
:'''Kimmie''': Fuck me, dude!
:'''Gordon''': And here's the big insult: ''[holds a piece of burnt cod]'' Boiled one side and black the next. For over two hours, it’s been a nightmare. Pathetic!
:'''Robyn''': (interview) Chef's definitely about to explode. ''[imitates a plane losing altitude and crashing down]''
:'''Gordon''': You'll ''never, ever'' get entrées out like this, ''ever''! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 of you ''[except Tiffany, who was assigned waiter]''. Fuck off out of here! Get out! Out! And one more thing! GET OUT!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': Tonight, Briana had a battle with the cod, and the cod won. And that's why her time in Hell's Kitchen was a short one.
'''Barbie:'''
=== Episode Four [10.04] ===
:''[After Clemenza present lampchop dish from team challenge]''
:'''Gordon''': The lamb chop looks like Steven Tyler's earlobe.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on risotto brought up by Danielle]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey, ''[returns to the workstation]'' all of you, come here. Taste that, yeah? Just fucking taste that. How does that taste?
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Undercooked and not seasoned.
:'''Gordon''': (to Christina) How does that, you? Tell me.
:'''Christina Wilson''': I just spit it out chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, really?
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': It was undercooked chef. Sorry.
:'''Gordon''': So you're rushing and cooking bland food! ''[knocks his hand on the workstation]'' Come on, Danielle!
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': It's coming chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on cod brought up by Brian]''
:'''Gordon''': Cod's raw. '''BRIAN!''' Hey you, Bozo come here! Cod is raw. Fucking cat food. ''[gets a piece of cod, then throws it on the workstation]'' Fuck off will you?!
:'''Brian Merel''': ''[knocks his hand on the workstation]'' Fuck me!
:'''Gordon''': (to Brian) Hey, hello chef! Wha-what is that? ''[tosses a small piece of cod to him]''
:'''Justin''': Get another one in the pan guys.
:'''Gordon''': Three cod, two lamb. How long?
:'''Brian Merel''': One minute chef.
:'''Guy''': You need help?
:'''Brian Merel''': I got it. (interview) I just can't seem to cook fish. I just can't seem to do it tonight!
:'''Gordon''': Three cod, two lamb. What are we waiting on?
:'''Brian Merel''': The cod chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, come on. Check if that's cooked Justin.
:'''Justin''': Oui chef.
:'''Blue team''': What's going on?
:'''Justin''': That's burnt.
:'''Brian''': Fuck. I burned my goddamn fish.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Three cod, two lamb. How long?
:'''Brian Merel''': I have one cod left chef.
:'''Gordon''': You ran out of cod?
:'''Brian Merel''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': What? Hey you, what in the fuck are you doing?!
:'''Narrator''': It's an hour and fifteen minutes into dinner service and neither kitchen has sent out an entrée.
:'''Gordon''': James?
:'''James Lukanik''': ''[enters the blue kitchen]'' Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': We ran out of cod. Can we serve the sea bass?
:'''James Lukanik''': Yes, chef. ''[exits the kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': Let's go. Three bass, two lamb.
:'''Brian Merel''': Yes, chef. Coming right now, baby.
:'''Gordon''': Hey! "It's coming, baby"??
:'''Brian Merel''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You ''COOK'' like a fucking baby!
:'''Brian Merel''': Won't happen again, chef.
:'''Gordon''': '''GET OUT!''' ''[slams his hand on the table]''
:'''Brian Merel''': Yes, chef. ''[bangs his hand on side of the oven as he exits]'' FUCK!
:'''Gordon''': What's the matter with that jerk?!
:'''Brian Merel''': ''[throws his apron in the dorms]'' Come on, man!
:'''Justin''': I'll take it from here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on wellingtons brought up by Roshni]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. It's still stone-cold. ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you, come here.
:'''Roshni''': (whispering) No, no, no, no.
:'''Gordon''': This far into service, look. It's fucking raw! (to Roshni) You, get out!
:'''Roshni''': Chef, please no! Can I get one more--
:'''Gordon''': Get out! '''GET OUT!! PISS OFF!!''' Can someone put that one back in the oven?
:'''Roshni''': But, I have a fresh one!
:'''Gordon''': '''GET OUT!'''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Come on, Donald! Let's go!
:'''Don''': One minute, chef.
:'''Gordon''': One minute.
:'''Guy''': (interview) One minute, I'm going up.
:'''Scott''': You've got to be kidding me.
:'''Royce''': (interview) One minute!!
:'''Don''': One minute on that steak, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Donald!!
:'''Don''': One minute, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Three minutes ago, you said one minute, yeah?
:'''Don''': Yeah, I'm right there. One minute!
:'''Gordon''': What's going on? You're shouting "one minute" just like a fucking idiot!
:'''Don''': Uhm... Like a minute and a half.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God. Fucking hell! ''Come on, Donald!''
:'''Don''': Yes, chef! Coming up. ''[delivers his meat to the pass]'' Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Jesus Christ!! ''[checks the steak]'' What the fuck? Oh, my God! ''[returns to the workstation]'' Yeah, stop, STOP!! ''[Don groans]'' You keep me waiting and they arrive in the window, medium-well. And you're telling me one minute, I came back four minutes later it's still one minute.
:'''Don''': Fuck.
:'''Gordon''': Get out! Fuck off!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After Robyn served an undercooked garnish; Gordon returns it to the workstation]''
:'''Gordon''': What is that? It's not even hot. ''[Calls the teams]'' All of you, come here! Just taste that for me. ALL OF YOU, TASTE THAT! TASTE THE FUCKING GARLIC ON THERE. WHO SEASONED THAT?
:'''Robyn''': Sorry chef--
:'''Gordon''': Hey, madam! Your mouth is exploded from the garlic.
:'''Robyn''': I understand that, chef.
:'''Gordon''': After that, stone-cold sauce, who set the sauce?
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': Ummm, I did.
:'''Gordon''': STOP! (calls Robyn and Danielle to kick out of the kitchen) ''BOTH OF YOU'' '''FUCK OFF!!!''' GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! GET OUT!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': For some reason, both Royce and Justin are cooking fish.
:'''Gordon''': Two bass! Let's go!
:'''Justin''': Oui, Chef! One minute!
:'''Royce''': One minute!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, who's cooking the bass?
:'''Royce''': Right here, chef.
:'''Justin''': I am, chef.
:'''Royce''': I got your bass.
:'''Justin''': I have my hands for this order.
:'''Royce''': I got two more.
:'''Gordon''': Oh my GOD! Hey Royce, are you stupid?!
:'''Royce''': No.
:'''Gordon''': You've (Royce) got bass there, he's (Justin) got bass there! It's the same table, you idiots! ''And not '''ONE of you''' are fucking communicating, both of you '''FUCK''' off out of here!''
:'''Justin''': Fucking hell...
:'''Gordon''': Fuck off! ''[throws towel at Justin as he walks out]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[After service, Gordon addresses both teams]''
:'''Gordon''': Tonight, it was painful just watching you disintegrate. It was like having a root canal and passing a kidney stone at the same fucking time! The losing team has to be... both teams. All of you, go back to the dorms, and come up with two individuals from each team that you want to send home. Now fuck off out of here, will you?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Everyone in Hell's Kitchen starts at the bottom. Unfortunately, Don stayed there.
=== Episode Five [10.05] ===
:''[Gordon prepares to open Hell's Kitchen for Mexican Night.]''
:'''Gordon''': Let's go. Uh, James...
:''[James is wearing an enormous Sombrero.]''
:'''Gordon''': What the '''fuck''' are you wearing?
<hr width=50%>
:''[Dana and Kimmie are about to bring their entrées to the pass]''
:'''Dana''': Are you putting these all in one thing?
:'''Kimmie''': Yeah. ''[puts her meat into Dana's tray of fish; Dana brings them to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Look, hey look. Fish and meat on the same tray. Meat dripping into the fish, fish dripping into the meat.
:'''Dana''': (interview) I said to her, "where do you want me to put these. To all in this one tray?" She's like, "yeah, sure. Put it on that tray."
:'''Gordon''': Who put that on there? That's disgusting. Who done that?
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) I'm waiting on Dana to say she did it because that bitch did it!
:'''Gordon''': How can you put that onto one fucking tray? ''[throws his spoon away]''
:'''Dana''': (interview) I think Kimmie need to grow some balls. It's your station, man up!
:'''Gordon''': Who put that on there? Was it a ghost? Somebody tell me what is happening! Fucking idiots!
:'''Kimmie''': I did, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Fucking tray! ''[throws his spoon away]''
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) Dana fucking put that shit on there. I said, "I did it," to Chef Ramsay because it was my station, but it was her fault.
:'''Christina''': ''[to Kimmie]'' Go ahead.
:'''Kimmie''': Move! ''[shoves Christina Wilson away]''
:'''Christina Wilson''': O–Okay!
:'''Kimmie''': I got it! Move! Get off my station!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': Now we're dragging the New York strip.
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) I was fucking pissed that I'm getting in trouble for something somebody else did. ''[to Robyn about the tray mishap]'' You know I didn't put that shit on there, right? ''[Robyn nods]'' Alright, just checking.
:'''Robyn''': Dana, did you put that on there?
:'''Dana''': Nope. I asked her specifically, did you want–
:'''Kimmie''': No, you put it on there, alright!
:'''Christina Wilson''': STOP!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Who the fuck cares?! Just finish the fucking food and shut the fuck up! I don't WANNA hear it!
:'''Christina Wilson''': '''Stop!'''
:'''Kimmie''': ''[to Dana]'' Just stay over there and off my shit. Fucking nasty bitch, dude.
:'''Dana''': (interview) Kimmie, like, for a big girl is a big baby. That's what she is. You know, I don't need to deal with that shit. If I'm trying to help you, that's bullshit!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon checks on pork brought up by Danielle]''
:'''Gordon''': All of you!
:'''Robyn''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': STOP!
:'''Robyn''': Oh, fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, come here! The ultimate insult. Raw pork! Not pink, not slightly undercooked, fucking RAW! ''[smashes the pork]'' '''SHIT!''' ''[throws his spoon across the workstation]''
:'''Robyn''': (interview) He was pissed! I felt really bad for the pig. The pig didn't do it, it was Danielle.
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, Danielle.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Narrator''': And in the Red Kitchen...
:'''Gordon''': Where's the pork?
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': Right here!
:'''Narrator''': Danielle is looking to redeem herself with her second attempt at the pork.
:''[Danielle brings up the pork]''
:'''Danielle Rimmer''': I think it's good. If it's not, I'm going to freak out.
:''[Gordon starts to cut into the pork.]''
:'''Dana''': Oh shit! Danielle, he's cutting it. So just get another one going...
:''[Danielle gapes in horror]''
:'''Robyn''': He's coming back!
:'''Christina Wilson''': Dani, get the pan hot. Right now!
:'''Robyn''': He's coming back! It's raw!
:'''Christina Wilson''': Dani, get another pork working right '''now'''. Now!
:''[Gordon turns around with the tray of pork]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey! Just '''STOP!''' Raw pork again. Pink and bloody in the middle. I give up. ''(to Danielle)'' And one more thing. GET OUT!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Justin''': Fucking ready right here, here! Sorry, Chef, I apologize. Sure that was done?
:'''Clemenza''': Don't put out the pork, it's not cooked, don't put out the pork, it's not cooked.
:''[Gordon slices Justin's served pork]''
:'''Clemenza''': Don't - put - ''out'' - the - pork - it's - not - cooked.
:''[Gordon checks on pork brought up by Justin; finds that it's raw and returns the tray to the workstation]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Clemenza and Justin) Hey, both of you come here! (knocks the workstation)
:'''Clemenza''': (to Justin) I said it wasn't done.
:'''Gordon''': ''BOTH OF YOU!''
:'''Gordon''': (shows the raw pork) That is it. GET OUT!
:'''Clemenza''': Yes, chef. (to Justin) I said it wasn't done.
:'''Justin''': Can I please-?
:'''Gordon''': GET OUT!
:'''Clemenza''': ''[throws the tongs]''
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) I just told you the pork's not cooked five motherfuckin' times!
:'''Justin''': It's my fault, Clemenza.
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) How dumb can you fucking be?!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Narrator''': The total number of chefs in the dorms is now up to five and in the red kitchen, Barbie is taking special precautions to make sure she isn't joining them.
:''[Barbie uses her meat thermometer in her chicken breast]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey you, come here you. Give me that. The day we need, look at me, a thermometer. The day we need that to cook a breast of chicken! You, GET OUT!
:'''Tiffany''': (interview) I don't know why she can't cook chicken, I really don't. Cooking a breast of chicken is about as easy as taking a shit. Anybody can do that. Are you that dumb?
:''[Tiffany brings her mashed potatoes to the pass, Gordon checks it; finds that it's burnt]''
:'''Gordon''': Tiffany, put that down.
:'''Tiffany''': Yes, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': Look at me. Seriously, I've had enough. ''[slams the pan on the workstation]'' Shit burned mash. Get out. Get out! I swear to God, I don't give a fuck if the whole team goes home tonight, I - don't - care!
:'''Dana''': (interview) Chef Ramsay's been on like a kicking out spree right now. I'm scared shitless right now, I'm not going to lie!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': (to Royce) Hey, chef. Shit chef, come here. Burnt bits of crispy skin. Eat that. ''[Royce tastes the burnt chicken skin]'' How did that taste?
:'''Royce''': Terrible, chef.
:'''Gordon''': '''GET OUT!''' Hey, I'm done! You're over your head! ''[claps angrily]'' GET OUT OF HERE.
:''[Royce heads back to dorms, leaving just Brian and Roshni in the Blue kitchen]''
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) All of a sudden, it's just me and Roshe. '''Holy shhhiiittt!'''
:'''Gordon''': I don't give a fuck if I finish this table on my own with Scott. I don't care anymore.
:'''Roshni''': (interview) We are screwed, big time.
=== Episode Six [10.06] ===
:''[Kimmie is still upset at Robyn for not taking her advice during the fashion challenge]''
:'''Kimmie''': Stupid bitch. (interview) I'm still fucking pissed. I don't even wanna look at Robyn. She makes me sick, so I'm trying to put this nasty bitch in the back of my head.
:''[The red team returns to the dorms]''
:'''Robyn''': (to Barbie and Dana) I'm annoyed that she (Kimmie) blamed it all on me. (interview) Kimmie got pissed off, and she told Chef Ramsay I said, "No," to everything, and I'm like... "I didn't say no to everything." (to Tiffany) THAT'S WHAT I'M PISSED OFF ABOUT!
:'''Dana''': (interview) Somebody as big as Kimmie should be able to stand up for herself. I think the people on the red team don't respect her, and we have good reason!
:'''Robyn''': I didn't call her out up there!
:'''Dana''': Right.
:'''Robyn''': I didn't say that! You're gonna fucking call me out like that?! That shows your character now! (interview) Kimmie never takes fault for anything! I've been nothing but helping this girl out since the fucking beginning.
:'''Barbie''': We will not make any progress with her. The only thing that we're gonna do is put ourselves even further behind. (interview) Kimmie's usefulness is running thin with the red team.
:'''Robyn''': I can't push someone who doesn't want to be pushed!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': (interview) Nobody's really talking about the fact that I fried the fucking eggplant, so thank God for that.
:''[Kimmie walks upstairs]''
:'''Dana''': Somehow she just keeps fucking skating by.
:'''Robyn''': I don't give a fuck how tall you are, how big you are! Do not step up to me like that!
:'''Kimmie''': Leave me the fuck alone!
:'''Robyn''': It's ridiculous! We need to fucking talk about it!
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) The red team's breaking down from the inside out, and it's–it is not good. Even the two (Robyn and Kimmie) that were ride or die with each other are not even in the same room.
:'''Kimmie''': ''[gets into bed]'' I got crazy bitches on my team.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Narrator''': Minutes before Hell's Kitchen opens for its ever first fashion night, the red team...
:'''Gordon''': Hey, ladies. Once that last model has walked off the catwalk, ''[claps]'' bang! We go!
:'''Dana''': Yes, chef!
:'''Narrator''': ...is standing by, ready for action.
:'''Dana''': Is everyone ready?
:'''Narrator''': Meanwhile, in the blue kitchen...
:'''Guy''': Let's go.
:'''Narrator''': ...Clemenza on the fish station is waiting for no one.
:''[Clemenza starts cooking scallops before service begins]''
:'''Gordon''': STOP! Clemenza! What are you doing?!
:'''Clemenza''': Scallops, chef.
:'''Gordon''': We're not even open yet! Why is he cooking the scallops?! Oh God, Clemenza. How many portions of scallops have we wasted?
:'''Clemenza''': Four.
:'''Justin''': (interview) Clemenza, what the fuck are you doing?
:'''Gordon''': Clemenza, I am fucking pissed off!!
:'''Patrick''': (interview) Oh, my God. Someone's leaving right now.
:'''Gordon''': ARE YOU READY TO GO HOME?!
:'''Clemenza''': No way, chef!
=== Episode Seven [10.07] ===
:'''Gordon''': Stop! Clemenza!
:'''Clemenza''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': What are you doing?! Nothing gets sent until the first catwalk! (to Roshni) You knew that, right?!
:'''Roshni''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to Guy) Did you know that?!
:'''Guy''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': So why is he (Clemenza) cooking the scallops?! ''[pause]'' Clemenza, talk to ME!
:'''Clemenza''': I made a mistake, chef. It won't happen again.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, come on.
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) I just start firing the scallops like an idiot, and people that knew staring at me. No one says a fucking word.
:'''Gordon''': How many portions of scallops have we wasted?!
:'''Clemenza''': Four.
:'''Gordon''': Fucking hell.
:'''Guy''': (interview) Clemenza, come on! He needs to pay attention to what the fuck is going on in that kitchen!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Scallops, please!
:'''Guy''': ''[walks to the pass]'' Coming up!
:'''Gordon''': Over-fucking-cooked. (returns to workstation) Stop!! All of you, come here! Look, now we've gone overcooked to fuck! Horribly-done, grainy rubber. ''[hands scallop to Clemenza]'' Feel that, feel it! Just cooked to fuck! Who cooked them?
:'''Guy''': I did.
:'''Gordon''': Guy! I'd rather you do it with control than try to rush them and create that mess!
:'''Roshni''': (interview) Oh my God. We're done!
:'''Gordon''': Clemenza! CLEMENZA!! Scallops, please! I'm running out of time! ''[still no response from Clemenza]''
:'''Royce''': (interview) Guy just fumbled on the scallops, and I'm watching Clemenza go down like a body in the East River.
:'''Justin''': (to Guy) Get that scallop perfect, Guy. Come on, brother.
:'''Patrick''': (interview) It's scallops! I mean, it's scallops!
:'''Gordon''': Scallops, how long?!
:'''Blue team''': Two minutes!
:'''Clemenza''': Three minutes!
:'''Blue team''': Three minutes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Jesus Christ. Royce, get out there and tell them we need an extra five minutes. Hurry up!
:'''Royce''': Yes, chef.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The swimsuit competition of the fashion show begins]''
:'''James Lukanik''': (presents the second presentation) The swimwear designs of Amanda Ché.
:''[Shows the faces of models in swimsuits as the blue team gets distracted in the prep during the service]''
:'''Guy''': Hey, baby.
:'''Brian Merel''': Oh, fuck my ass! (interview) Holy fuck! That is sexy!
:''[Shows more models walking the runway; Patrick attempts an interview but smirks his eyes wide open]''
:'''Justin''': How the fuck am I supposed to cook with ''that'' going on?
:'''Guy''': ''[he begins to stare with models]'' That's what we're gonna deal with? (to himself) I fucked up, don't look. (interview) So, there's a few boobies and stuff like that running around. I see those models, but they're not gonna distract me. I'm focused.
:'''Scott Leibfried''': Get those beef in the pan and get them seared!
:'''Guy''': (interview) My head is in the steaks.
:''[Guy begins dreaming with those models]''
:'''Gordon''': Guy, focus! Guy! '''Guy!''' Pan is on fire! Fuck! You're fucking charring now! Look at what are you fuck doing here? It's a filet steak. Hardly any flat, so it needs to be doing beautifully cook with control.
:'''Patrick''': (interview) All Guy had to do was to sear off the beef, and then finish it in the oven, and let them rest. So, it seems very simple and basic, yet he was having a hard time doing ''that''. He tuned out.
:'''Gordon''': Show's almost over, can we get a grip? WAKE UP! (to guy) Wake up, you, yeah?
:'''Patrick and Guy''': Yes, chef.
<hr style="width:50%">
:'''Gordon''': ''[to blue team]'' Swordfish!
:'''Clemenza''': Fish, right now! Right now!
:'''Justin''': ''[brings fish to the pass]'' Chef, this is hot.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, I hope it's fucking hot. It's a kitchen, you doughnut. ''[the swordfish sticks to the tray as he tries to plate it]'' Oh, guys! Hey! What is this, a fucking... Hey! ''[bangs tray on workstation; the swordfish falls off]'' What–what is that? Rubber, overcooked.
:'''Clemenza''': One more swordfish! Yeah, yeah, I got it. I got it.
:'''Roshni''': (interview) This is Clemenza's dish on the menu and it's hard for him to execute this dish.
:'''Clemenz'''a: I got it, I got it!
:'''Roshn'''i: (interview) He's just screwing up really bad today!
:'''Scott Leibfried''': I'm dying for a swordfish!
:'''Clemenza''': One swordfish, right here. ''[looks around the kitchen]'' I need a plate for the pass, please! Anybody, somebody!
:'''Justin''': (interview) Clemenza's like a lost cat sometimes. He's just, "''doo-doo-doo, doo-doo''!" Like, I don't get it!
:'''Patrick''': (to Clemenza) Right here, right here! I got it.
:'''Clemenza''': Go, go, go! (interview) I get frazzled, everybody gets fucking frazzled! But, you know what, I got it!
<hr style="width:50%">
:''[Robyn has run out of beef and is trying to get someone to get some more from the Blue kitchen.]''
:'''Robyn''': Someone go get me another fucking beef, please.
:'''Dana''': (interview) Fuck no! I'm not going over to the Blue kitchen and getting my ass reamed!
:'''Robyn''': (interview) So all these fucking girls on my team talk up the talk but they don't back it up! Get your fucking finger out of your ass and stop being fucking scared!
:'''Robyn''': Christina! I need more beef!
:'''Christina Wilson''': Alright. Two?
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) You are '''so''' going to notice a Red jacket in the Blue kitchen, it's not even funny...
:''[Christina enters the Blue kitchen, unnoticed]''
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) I was looking, and I'm looking and I started to go in...
:'''Gordon''': (to the blue team) Let's go!
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) And then, here comes Chef Ramsay. And I was all like "Fuck this!"
:''[Christina quickly leaves the Blue kitchen]''
<hr style="width:50%">
:''[After the successful dinner service, Gordon has discovered the swordfish was left on a tray]''
:'''Gordon''': What is all that - oh fuck me! (Calls the Blue Team; as they lost the service) Stop, stop, ALL OF YOU!
:'''Roshni''': (interview) Shit man, now what!
:'''Gordon''': Who cooked this? (to Clemenza) Clemenza, come here you! What the fuck have you done?
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) Oh, no, no, no. (moans)
:'''Gordon''': (to Royce) Royce, come here you!
:'''Royce''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': ''[puts out all of the leftover of swordfish into the workstation]'' 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. Why did you cook so much?
:'''Royce''': No idea, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Clemenza?
:'''Clemenza''': I called them into 18 that can make four more.
:'''Gordon''': That's not four more, its 11 more!
:'''Gordon''': (to Royce) You told him (Clemenza), 18?
:'''Royce''': No. That I told him sixteen plus one.
:'''Clemenza''': Okay, seventeen. (interview) I say what the fuck is sixteen plus one? You called fucking seventeen, you jerkoff!
<hr style="width:50%">
:''[The Blue Team unanimously voted to send Clemenza home]''
:'''Clemenza''': Chef, I chased animals, I dug trees, I gave it my all every single time that I've been in that kitchen. I played 100% and I have not once, not once ever have I stopped and let my guard down. Once I have tried to help everybody and do everything I can possible, and I always played 100% and everybody's trying to fucking get rid of me, but you know what? I still put out better food than everybody standing there.
:'''Gordon''': Clemenza, I want you to listen to me carefully. You've done well... you had a bad night. Are you done?
:'''Clemenza''': ''[pause]'' I'm not even close to done, chef. I'm ready! I'll go put out another dinner service right now if you need.
:'''Gordon''': Wow. Based on everything I've seen and witnessed, my decision is... Clemenza. ''[pause; Clemenza is about to take off his jacket]'' Back in line!
:''[The red team cheers and applauds for Clemenza; Robyn stands up]''
:'''Robyn''': YES! ''[high fives Clemenza]''
=== Episode Eight [10.08] ===
:''[Gordon checks on the lobster by Patrick]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh my God, fuck me. ''[returns the lobster to the work station]'' Hey come here you, ALL OF YOU! Not one of you know what the fuck is going on, and you're embarrassing in front of him ([[:wikipedia:Tito Ortiz|Tito Ortiz]]). Cold lobster for the second time tonight! I swear to God. Look at me - I've got one big message to you - hey you, Get out... fuck off. I'll do it on my own. Get out. Get out.
:'''Justin''': I don't want to get out, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Justin]'' Want to argue in front of me? I'm fucking ready. Get out, you (Roshni) get out, fuck off, totally fucking useless. GET OUT! ''[The Blue Team leave the kitchen]'' GET OUT!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Thanks to Patrick and Roshni the Blue Team were kicked out of service and the Red Team finished for them]''
:'''Narrator''': With dinner service complete.
:'''Justin''': He's really mad.
:'''Brian Merel''': ''[to Justin]'' Yeah, as he should be.
:'''Justin''': ''[to Brian]'' No, really mad.
:''[Chef Scott enters the dorms]''
:'''Narrator''': Chef Scott makes a rare visit to the dorm.
:'''Scott''': Let's go. Everybody, downstairs right now.
:'''Blue Team''': Yes, Chef. ''[The Blue Team head upstairs]''
:'''Scott''': Chef wants to talk to all of you.
:'''Brian Merel''': Yes, chef.
:'''Scott''': Right now.
:''[The Blue Team head downstairs and enter the corridor, only to be stopped by Ramsay at the doorway to the dorms]''
:'''Gordon''': Stay there, all of you just stay there. There's no way on Earth you're going back in there, I'm done. Red Team finished for you, brilliantly, BRILLIANTLY! How can they be so much better than you?
:'''Brian Merel''': They're not, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': They're not?
:'''Brian Merel''': No.
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Brian]'' You serve me soupy fucking risotto, (Roshni) wellingtons undercooked, (Patrick) cold lobster twice. ''[throws his towel]'' ''It's an absolute fucking joke!''
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) He had every right to be mad it was embarrassing. It's our seventh dinner service it's embarrassing.
:'''Gordon''': All of you, get upstairs and decide on two individuals leaving, don't take long. Fuck off. ''[The Blue Team return to the dorms]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Roshni is a small lady with a big heart. Unfortunately, her performance tonight matched her stature.
=== Episode Nine [10.09] ===
=== Episode Ten [10.10] ===
:''[The blue team has served several pizza, Gordon is awaiting for pizza from the red team]''
:'''Gordon''': There's a lovely young lady waiting for her pizza. COME ON TIFFANY!
:'''Tiffany''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': You're so slow.
:'''Tiffany''': Yes, chef! (interview) I really hate cooking for children. Kids don't know what fine dining is... so their opinions really don't matter to me (laughs).
:'''Robyn''': (looking underneath the pizza dough It's burnt. Look. Just cut that part.
:'''Tiffany''': I don't give a shit. (interview) I really don't like kids at all.
:'''Gordon''': Pizza, how long?
:'''Tiffany''': Coming right out chef. ''[bring the pizza to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Come on, please!
:'''Tiffany''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': The idea of a pizza is to serve first.
:'''Andi''': This side is alright, ''[looks underneath the pizza]'' but I don't want to eat that.
:'''Gordon''': It's for kids! Fuck me. (to Tiffany) Stop!
:'''Tiffany''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Now we're sending burnt pizza. Not crispy and delicious. Fucking burnt. Burnt with bits of shit in there. What is going on?? All of you get a grip.
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef.
:'''Tiffany:''' Ow! Just hit me in the head! (Flashback to Tiffany hit in the head) Ow!
:
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The red team has begun the entrées]''
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) Robyn is acting as crazy as fuck right now. I honestly think she's still holding a grudge for the challenge about that fucking ribeye.
:'''Robyn''': Kimmie, lets me when you're walking, okay.
:'''Kimmie''': Sure will.
:'''Robyn''': I'm coming, okay?
:'''Kimmie''': Yeah. I'm slicing, dude.
:'''Robyn''': Can I walk?
:'''Kimmie''': Euh, give me just one second.
:'''Robyn''': Can I walk?
:'''Kimmie''': Dammit!
:'''Andi''': You guys, how long?
:'''Kimmie''': Two minutes, chef, two minutes. These steaks are fucking huge. Not my fault. Not my fault, dude.
:'''Robyn''': (interview and double flips at the camera) Really? Kimmie doesn't know what she's fucking doing. Fucking bitch!
:'''Kimmie''': Running!
:'''Robyn''': Alright, running.
:'''Kimmie''': I got it. I got it. ''[both Kimmie and Robyn bringing the food to the pass]'' Bitch!
:'''Andi''': (to Chef Ramsay) You're alright with that?
:'''Gordon''': No. Nowhere near. Oh Jesus!
:'''Robyn''' (interview): Here we go, it's going down. Kimmie is going to get yelled at. This is going to be fun folks. Get the popcorn, because it's about to get good.
:'''Gordon''': All of you!
:'''Red team''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Come here. Hey look. We can't even get a steak cooked. It's badly sliced. Who did what here? Kimmie, Robyn, look at me, who done it then?
:'''Kimmie''': I did the filets.
:'''Robyn''': I cut the steak, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Looked at the way it's [the steak] sliced. It's like it's be cut with a spoon. It's not even sliced there. And then next to it, where's the filet? That's cooked beautifully, it's sliced beautifully.
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) HELL YEAH! I knew my shit was right. Robyn is fucking up and I just outshined her.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Blue team, away now Table 22, Concentrate. Three filet, one hanger steak.
:'''Patrick''': Yes chef, four minutes. ''[Royce just stares at Gordon]''
:'''Gordon''': Royce doesn't even answer. Three filet, one hanger! Tell him, chef, three filet, one hanger.
:'''Royce''': Yes, chef, three filet, one hanger!
:'''Gordon''': One more time!
:'''Royce''': Three filet, one hanger!
:'''Gordon''': One more time!
:'''Royce''': Three filet, one hanger!
:'''Gordon''': One more time!
:'''Royce''': Three filet, one hanger! I got two minutes on mine. ''[Ramsay claps slowly]''
:'''Patrick''': Give me three minutes-- three minutes, chef, on...
:'''Gordon''': On what?
:'''Patrick''': Two filet, one hanger.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God!
:'''Patrick''': Three filet! Sorry chef. Three filet, one hanger!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, you! Hey, fuckwit. Come here you.
:'''Patrick''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, you! (Justin) On meat. Let's go. Patrick. Fuck off!
:'''Patrick''': Oh, fuck me! Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, outside and get some fresh air. Fuck off!
:''[Patrick goes into the dining room where a kid starts laughing at him]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The red team bringing the next table of entrées to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Honestly, it's gets fucking worse. All of you come here. Just touch that fish there. Just touch how dry. It's got more fucking wrinkles on it than I have and I'm forty-four years of age. That should be put fucking fresh! ''[pounds the counter]''
:'''Kid dinner''': We not going to to yell unless he yells at one of the chefs.
:'''Gordon''': How long ago did you cook that?
:'''Robyn''': Three minutes ago.
:'''Gordon''': Three minutes ago?
:'''Robyn''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': That's fresh three minutes ago? Just touch.
:'''Dana''': (interview) That shit is nasty.
:'''Robyn''': I took it off three minutes ago and I covered it.
:'''Gordon''': So? Again when did you cook it?
:'''Robyn''': Seven minutes ago, then.
:'''Gordon''': Oh. Seven minutes ago?
:'''Robyn''': Well, I took out three minutes ago. So four minutes for to cook, so seven minutes ago.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, maybe seventeen minutes ago. ''[throws the plate with the fish onto the counter]''
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) You've got to be out of your fucking mind to lie to Chef Ramsay, because he knows, he's not stupid.
:'''Robyn''': What's going on with the fish, Kimmie, I got to re-fire it.
:'''Kimmie''': Three minutes.
:'''Gordon''': Get rid of that shit. ''[gives the plate to Christina Wilson who bins the fish]'' I wouldn't even serve that to my fucking cat. Fuck off, Robyn.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on hanger steak brought up by Patrick]''
:'''Gordon''': Fucking raw. ''[returns to the workstation]'' Hey.
:'''Patrick''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': (to Justin) Come here you. ''[gets a filet; Justin comes up to the workstation]'' Is that what you served me today?
:'''Justin''': No, chef.
:'''Patrick''': Fuck! ''[comes up to the workstation]'' Uhm, chef I'm sorry it's raw.
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) Not good. Not fucking good.
:'''Gordon''': It's raw?! GET OUT!
:'''Patrick''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Really?!
:'''Patrick''': Fuck!!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on hanger steak brought up by Royce]''
:'''Gordon''': Fucking raw. ''[returns to the workstation]'' All of you, come here. All of you!
:'''Clemenza''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': A hanger steak, ''[gets a piece of steak]'' raw and perfect. I knew it was too good to be true! (to Royce) Hey you, Rolls-Royce, fuck off!
'''Narrator:''' The women continued to serve just as much attitude as food.
'''Gordon:''' Two hangers steak, two loup de mir, one ribeye, one cheeseburger.
'''Red Team:''' Yes, chef!!!
'''Robyn:''' Kimmie, let me know when we’re gonna walk together, OK? Did you hear me, Kimmie?
'''Kimmie:''' Oh my God, Robyn! Just stop talking to me! For real!
'''Robyn:''' Uh girl, don’t even go there with me!
'''Gordon:''' Oh my God.
'''Robyn:''' We need to work as a team, and you can’t do that because you have a personal problem with me? Good, I have a personal problem with you. I cannot stand your fucking ass.
'''Gordon:''' Fuck me.
'''Dana:''' My team is like a freaking anchor on a ship, and we are just going… down!
'''Tiffany:''' Cheeseburger right here!!!
'''Sous Chef Andi:''' Cheeseburger, ribeye, filet okay?
'''Tiffany:''' Can I get the French fries for a cheeseburger?
'''Barbie:''' No because I have time on the French fries-
'''Tiffany''': CAN YOU SHUT UP AND STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME?!!! I AM SICK OF THE YELLING!!! YOU WANNA TALK, TALK!!! DO NOT YELL!!!
'''Barbie:''' Oh my God, I can’t.
'''Gordon:''' Look at you all. What a sad situation. Oh Jesus. Blue Team!
'''Justin:''' Yes chef!
'''Gordon:''' Blue team!
'''Brian:''' Yes chef!
'''Gordon:''' Come here!
'''Justin:''' Who needs it?!
'''Gordon:''' Justin, on the fish!
'''Justin:''' Yes chef!
'''Gordon:''' You on the meat! Let’s go!
'''Dana:''' Chef Ramsay does not need to put the Blue Team in our kitchen. It’s embarrassing. You know, obviously, all that point that the red team has lost tonight.<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon has had it with the Red team; returns to the workstation with hanger steak brought up by Robyn]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey! Hey, hey, hey, all of you! Just STOP!! Come here, all of you! Just touch them. Put your hand on top. Put your hand on-- (to Robyn and Tiffany) ''PUT YOUR HAND ON TOP!!''
:'''Robyn''': I'm putting it on top. I need to get over there.
:'''Gordon''': Put it on top. Put it on top. Stone-cold! Red team! You, you, you, you, you. Fuck off! ''[Kimmie slams her towel on her station upon exit]'' (to Christina Wilson, who's still in the kitchen) GET OUT!!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Kimmie, who is the first nominee for the Red team?
:'''Kimmie''': The first nominee chef is Robyn. Because she was pretty much lied to you and told you to cook fish in three minutes and she cooked it for seven, so--
:'''Robyn''': (interrupts Kimmie; looks depressed) What?! I didn't lie to you chef when I said that fish was out in three minutes, the fish was cooked seven minutes prior so I was miscommunication on what I said that's not lied to you.
:'''Kimmie''': What?!
:'''Robyn''': I know that I turned myself I got not lying because the way my mother raised me.
:'''Kimmie''': (moans) What? Oh my God!
:'''Robyn''': Oh my God, Kimmie! Please! ''[groans]'' I'd been-- You what, Kimmie, if you want to really get dirty right now, you'll get dirty. You think I am scared of you! YOU CALL ME A FUCKING BITCH TODAY AND YOU WANT TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! Guess what? There is no friends there in this competition so I want to work for him.
:'''Gordon''': (moans) Wow!
=== Episode Eleven [10.11] ===
:''[Tiffany accidentally serves cod instead of sea bass]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey, Tiffany!
:'''Tiffany''': Yes, Chef?
:'''Gordon''': GET THE FUCKING SEA BASS IN!
:'''Tiffany''': Yes, Chef!
:''[Christina tries to help]''
:'''Tiffany''': I've got it. I've got it. Don't worry about it.
:''[Tiffany starts cooking the cod again]''
:'''Gordon''': THAT'S THE COD!
=== Episode Twelve [10.12] ===
[Kimmie and Barbie fight over the punishment during Delivery Day & Barbie insults Kimmie's weight.]
:'''Barbie''': You ain't never jogged a day your life, and your ass shows it!
:'''Kimmie''': [Walking away from Barbie] Oooh-hooh-hooh, I want to hit you so bad, you nasty bitch...!
=== Episode Thirteen [10.13] ===
:'''Narrator''': The red team is stuck on their last two tickets.
:'''Kimmie''': How long Tiff?
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': I don't know exactly.
:'''Narrator''': Still waiting for Tiffany's undercooked potato garnish.
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) You should know that they were your potatoes. That was your component right? That was your idea for the menu right?
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': I'm sorry. What do you want me to say? Don't give me that look!
:'''Kimmie''': Don't get an attitude with me! You're killing my steaks!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': I don't know, Kimmie. I don't know.
:'''Andi''': Tiffany,
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Sorry.
:'''Andi''': No, you're not!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Yes I am!
:'''Andi''': No, you're fucking not!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Yes I am.
:'''Andi''': You're the sloppiest cook I've ever seen in my whole entire life!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Sorry.
:'''Andi''': No, you're not!
:'''Tiffany Johnson''': Okay, I'm not.
:'''Andi''': You have such a fucking attitude! Why don't you take a walk? And Dana take over her section.
:'''Dana''': Yes, chef.
:'''Tiffany''': (leaves) Have fun. (interview) Okay, look at Tiffany. Let's make fun of her. I don't care about anything apparently. So, what the fuck? You all just made me look like a fucking idiot. Bye! (cries)
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': A little bit of fish here, a little bit there. You're (Clemenza) stuffing your face with fucking desserts! Hey, ''[pounds table]'' all of you, come here! And put that one down. ''[Checks Brian's fish]'' Raw. A fucking blind man can see that's raw, raw, raw.
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) It's my fault. It's my fault.
:'''Gordon''': Honestly, Your menu, your menu, your menu, your menu! You give me that, followed by that. You, you, you, you, GET OUT! Fucking idiots, Get the fuck out of here.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Gordon calls up both teams after dinner service]''
:'''Gordon''': All of you, listen carefully. I have in my hand the comment cards. I was hoping that ''they'' would decide the winning team. (rips up the comment cards into pieces and throws them everywhere) Tonight, it was the most shocking dinner service yet. Here's the sad news: '''YOUR MENU, YOUR CREATIVITY, YOUR EXECUTION, AND SUPPOSEDLY, YOUR TEAMWORK.''' Blue Team, embarrassing. I mean, ''really'' embarrassing. It's just like you didn't care. And ladies, raw potatoes. And then Dana, raw fucking lobster. I expected tonight to be your absolute best. Unfortunately, it's gone down in history as one of your worst. There will be no winning team.
:''[The red team, who had managed to finish service, are visibly upset]''
:'''Dana''': (interview) I'm so confused right now. Somebody tell me what the hell's going on?
:'''Kimmie''': (interview) I don't even know what to say. Like... I really thought we had this.
:'''Gordon''': Both teams, decide which two people you want to nominate to lose from your team. Fuck off.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Gordon''': The most passionate I ever saw Tiffany was moments ago when she was already on her way out. That was just too late.
=== Episode Fourteen [10.14] ===
:''[Gordon checks on catfish brought up by Brian]''
:'''Gordon''': Fuck me. Burnt one side. (returns to the workstation) All of you, come here! Yeah, come here. Look. No colour and look. Burnt.
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) Really dude? It's a fucking piece of fish. I mean, like come on! Step it up a little bit.
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Brian; gives him a piece of fish]'' Come here, just take a bite of that. Just take a bite. Eat it, you fuckwit. How does it taste?
:'''Brian Merel''': Tastes like fish, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Excuse me? (brief pause) Smartass, you want to be funny now, do you? (throws his spoon) You're such a dick.
:'''Robyn''': (interview) Brian, really? Right now is not the time to ''fucking'' crack jokes, bro.
:'''Gordon''': Get out, get out. Fucking idiot.
:'''Brian Merel''': Fuck. ''[walks out of the kitchen]'' Seriously? (interview) That was a mistake of epic proportions. I did not mean to be a smartass.
:'''Gordon''': ''[rekindles Brian]'' "Tastes like fish." What a fucking dick.
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) It was just the first thing that came to my head.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Brian returns to the kitchen after talking to James]''
:'''Gordon''': ''[sees Brian]'' Hey, come here you fuckface. What are you doing here?
:'''Brian Merel''': I'm not done!
:'''Gordon''': Don't fucking shout at me. I'm going to ask you one more fucking time. You give me a bullshit answer, that jacket's coming off and you're going through that door home. How did that fish taste?
:'''Brian Merel''': Shit.
:'''Gordon''': So why did you give it to me?
:'''Brian Merel''': I didn't see the bottom. I didn't see the bottom chef. It's not going to happen again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on chicken brought up by Robyn]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. The chicken is raw! All of you! ALL OF YOU! (to Brian) '''THAT'S YOU, FUCKER!''' ''[knocks his hand on the workstation]'' The chicken it comes up...
:'''Robyn''': Raw.
:'''Gordon''': RAW!
:'''Clemenza''': Fuck! (interview) Robyn, really? It's pink, it's still fucking bleeding. Come on, get it right.
:'''Gordon''': Robyn, really? Really?! ''[throws his spoon away]'' RAW! (to Brian) Hey comedian! Crack a fucking joke now! I fucking dare you! ''[knocks his hand on the workstation]''
:'''Brian Merel''': I have nothing funny to say, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Start again!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on chicken brought up by Robyn; after finding out that it's raw, he has had it with the blue team]''
:'''Gordon''': I mean, fuck me. ''[returns to the workstation]'' Hey.
:'''Robyn''': Really?
:'''Gordon''': You, you, you, you. Come here. ''[Robyn whips her towel]'' Hey, look. Raw. Do I really have to serve that? ''[throws the chicken away]'' MADNESS! Get out.
:'''Robyn''': Don't kick them out, chef, Just kick me out--
:'''Gordon''': Hey listen. Don't you ''fucking dare'' tell me what to do. You, you, you, you: fuck off!
:'''Robyn''': FUCK! I fucking hate this damn chicken! ''[Clemenza throws his towel away]''
:'''Gordon''': GET OUT! (as they exit) We are fucked here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon checks on catfish brought up by Kimmie]''
:'''Gordon''': Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Oh, Jesus. ''[returns to the workstation]'' Aaaahhh. I could cry. I could just... I could just cry. ''[throws his spoon]''
:'''Christina Wilson''': Agh - fuck.
:'''Gordon''': ''[knocks the workstation with both hands]'' '''STOP!''' Come here, you. Let me show you something: I've got raw, raw fucking catfish there.
:'''Christina Wilson''': Ah...
:'''Gordon''': Then there's burnt shit there.
:'''Dana''': (interview) What are you thinking, Kimmie? This is not happening! NO!
:'''Gordon''': (points to each member of the Red team) You, you, you, you, GET OUT! YOU'RE A FUCKING DISGRACE!
:'''Christina Wilson''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Hey (Christina), hey! Yeah, touch! ''[tosses a piece of catfish to Christina]'' That's the raw bits!
:'''Christina Wilson''': Yeah, I see it, chef. I see it.
:'''Gordon''': Fucking disgrace! '''GET OUT!'''
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) We didn't finish service because of that fucking fish station. It was supposed to Kimmie's time to shine. I don't fucking get it.
<hr width="50%/">
:''[Sous-chef Scott goes up to the dorms and gathers the teams, but Gordon stops them once they get to the kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': Stay there. Stay there. Trust me; Scott, Andi, and I will finish the service. Let me tell you that. '''That''' was shocking. I can't take any more. Do me a big favour: Each of you have a good chat, based on tonight's service, and come up with one individual from each team that should be leaving Hell's Kitchen tonight. And I hope to hell that all of you are feeling like shit.
:'''Dana''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Pathetic. All of you, upstairs. Get out of here.
:'''Justin''': (interview) Dinner service was disgusting once again. It's just dumb mistakes. It's really frustrating.
=== Episode Fifteen [10.15] ===
:''[In the team communication challenge, both teams fail to score a single point.]''
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) The lamb is nicely cooked, the sauce is on, we got this, we got this, got this.
:''[Gordon tastes blue team's lamb]''
:'''Gordon''': Unreal! (chokes the undercooked lamb)
:'''Clemenza''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Wow! Ugh!
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) Yeah, we're fucked.
:'''Gordon''': The sauce is disgusting. It looks like in a gas station. Nasty!
:'''Dana''': (interview) Okay, this could be good for us, I mean our lamb is cooked perfectly!
:'''Gordon''': Red team! (holds the lamb)
:'''Barbie''': I sliced the lamb, Chef. I apologize.
:'''Gordon''': (to Barbie) Did you slice the lamb or chewed the lamb?
:'''Dana''': (interview) Barbie, what have you done to this lamb? Did you cut it with a fucking spoon?
:''[Gordon tastes red team's lamb, chokes, and throws it on the ground]''
:'''Gordon''': I am seriously disappointed. I expected at this stage in the game something so much better! For the first time ever in ''Hell's Kitchen'' history, I, Gordon Ramsay, cannot pick a winner! Red team, blue team, you both lost. One team would've had an amazing day with a beach in Santa Monica, visiting Malibu in a helicopter. You had a beach club this afternoon for yourselves.
:'''Dana''': (interview) ''Hell's Kitchen'' season 10 making history! Only we're making history because we suck!
:'''Gordon''': You have a long day cleaning. The front of Hell's Kitchen needs sprucing up. After that, Hell's Kitchen SUV's need detailing. But more importantly, I'm opening Hell's Kitchen tonight.
:'''Chefs''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': And do you know why? Redemption! You need it. I swear to god, it's going to be a great service. Because if it's not, I am not waiting until the end of service to get rid of dead wood.
:'''Clemenza''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Get cleaning.
:'''Justin''': Let's go guys.
:'''Robyn''': (interview) Chef's pissed and do you know what? He's got every right to be pissed. We should all be embarrassed to be wearing these jackets right now.
:'''Justin''': (to Clemenza) Come on, C!
:'''James Lukanik''': (to remaining chefs) Hi, guys.
:'''Christina Wilson''': Hi, James.
:'''James Lukanik''': By the way, that's the car ''[shows a classic car with a surfboard after joint challenge loss]'' those taking to you to a private beach for the day.
:'''Barbie''': Wow.
:'''Justin''': (interview) God, man! It would have been fucking pimped to roll down in Malibu ''[dream of time at the beach and relaxing on a pool with a wine]'' in that red car, lay down a beach, have some drinks, and just relax by the pool. Why couldn't we just win today so we could've been at the beach?
:'''James Lukanik''': Enough about that cause that all winners stuff and we're all bunch of losers at the moment. (to both teams) So, we're going to clean. Alright guys, let's go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Clemenza''': ''[walks to the pass with three pans]'' Five risotto coming up, chef!
:''[Sous Chef Scott comes up to check the pans]''
:'''Gordon''': Uh, stop there, Scott. It's–it's not even in one pan. That's what I'm saying. I got three different colours. I mean, honestly? ''[returns to workstation carrying the pans]'' All of you, come here!
:'''Clemenza''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': Multi-coloured fucking risotto!! A light one, a dark one, and an in-between one. WHEN WE HAVE FIVE RISOTTO ON ONE TABLE, '''WHAT DO WE DO?!''' WHAT DO WE DO?!
:'''Justin''': On one pan.
:'''Gordon''': Louder!
:'''Justin''': One pan, chef!
:'''Gordon''': LOUDER!
:'''Justin''': ALL IN ONE PAN, CHEF!
:'''Gordon''': ''[points at Clemenza]'' Tell him, then!
:'''Justin''': All in one pan!
:'''Clemenza''': Yes!
:'''Gordon''': Tell him!
:'''Justin''': All in one pan!
:'''Clemenza''': Yes!
:'''Gordon''': (to Brian) Tell him!
:'''Brian Merel''': All in one pan, Clemenza!
:'''Clemenza''': Yes!
:'''Brian Merel''': All in one pan!! (interview) One pan!
:'''Gordon''': '''COME ON, THEN!'''
:'''Clemenza''': Yes, chef! I'll re-fire five right now!
:'''Gordon''': Get it together! FOCUS ON A FUCKING RISOTTO!!
:'''Clemenza''': Yes, chef!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon comes back with the fish that Justin just brought up.]''
:'''Gordon''': Justin! Hey you! Come here, you! So he (Brian) cooks fresh New York strip, because he screwed the previous table. And you reheat the '''same bass'''???
:''[Robyn smirks]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Robyn) And you think it's funny?
:'''Robyn''': No, I don't think it's funny. I'm pissed right now. I don't think it's funny at all. (interview) Hehehehehe! Justin's a dumbass! Are you kidding me? I think it's hilarious right now.
:'''Gordon''': Justin, is that your best?! (no response) Hey! '''IS THAT YOUR BEST??!!'''
:'''Justin''': No, chef! No!
:'''Gordon''': So all that time, you were cooking-
:''[Robyn's stove suddenly bursts into flames, momentarily distracting Gordon]''
:'''Gordon''': ...all that time you were cooking, you couldn't think to put two fresh bass in?
:'''Justin''': Chef, I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. I've got to re-fire these right now. (interview) What was I thinking??? That was just a dumb, dumb mistake.
:'''Gordon''': All of you, look at me! ''[points at each member of the Blue Team]'' WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gordon''': Three New York, two wellington, one bass. How long?
:'''Brian Merel''': Three minutes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Drive the ticket! Let's go!
:'''Brian Merel''': Yes, chef! (interview) It's still our first table, and all I want is the ticket to be done. I just want it to be done. But everything kept coming out wrong.
:'''Justin''': Come on, Brian. Here's the bass. Let me know when you're ready to go.
:'''Brian Merel''': Walk with your bass. I'm slicing New York.
:'''Clemenza''': Yes. Go, go, go! Make sure it's cooked!
:'''Brian Merel''': ''[slices steak in half]'' Raw. Ah, fuck.
:'''Clemenza''': No, no, no, no, no!
:'''Brian Merel''': More time. It needs more time.
:'''Clemenza''': No! Get another one! (to Gordon) He's backed up! He's gonna be dragging steak at least two minutes!
:'''Brian Merel''': Hold on! It's not ready! (to Justin) It's not ready.
:'''Gordon''': It's still coming out WRONG! Are you serious?! (to Brian) MUPPET!! FUCKING '''HELL!!''' ''[sees several diners leave the dining room]'' Are you serious? They're walking out! Oh, my God. Urgently, where's the wellington?!
:'''Brian Merel''': Okay, wellies walking. Wellies walking.
:''[Brian brings wellingtons to the pass, and Gordon checks them quickly]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. Not another overcooked wellington. (sighs) Fucking hell. Honestly, I'm gonna go crazy. ''[returns to workstation]'' Overcooked wellingtons! It's like a joke now. ''[Brian pounds his fist]'' Honestly, guys, it's like a big fucking joke.
:'''Clemenza''': Come on! ''[Brian punches his forehead]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Brian) Hey, come here, fucking comedian! I have had enough. Come here, you! ''[leads Brian into the red kitchen]'' Barbie!
:'''Barbie''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Come here, please! URGENTLY! You, on the meat!
:'''Christina Wilson''': Show him (Brian) how to do a wellie, Barbie.
:'''Gordon''': He's not capable! Get over there!
:'''Barbie''': Yes, chef, I got it.
:'''Gordon''': Get him in, Barbie! Urgently!
:'''Barbie''': (to Brian) Come on.
:'''Brian Merel''': Fuck! (interview) Oh, I'm fucking furious. You gotta be kidding me. ''[carries wellington tray]'' GODDAMNIT!!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God.
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) On a black jacket night, Barbie comes over to finish my fucking station?
:'''Barbie''': Seven minutes. They're resting, chef.
:'''Brian Merel''': ''[shouting through his teeth]'' '''''GODDAMNIT!!''''' (interview) I feel like a castrated dog.
:'''Barbie''': You can't put all that meat on one fucking tray!
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) And I think Barbie is enjoying this, I really do.
:'''Brian Merel''': ''[pounds fist again]'' DAMNIT!
:'''Clemenza''': Stay with it, Brian.
:'''Brian Merel''': I can't do anything!
:'''Clemenza''': STAY WITH IT!
:'''Brian Merel''': There's nothing I can fucking do! I've been demoted!
:'''Barbie''': (to Robyn) Wellie garnish, how are you?
:'''Robyn''': Walking with garnish, Barbie!
:'''Barbie''': Walking with wellingtons.
:'''Gordon''': Cooked perfectly! (to waiters) Service, please.
:'''Robyn''': Nice job, Barbie.
:'''Brian Merel''': Goddamnit! (interview) Oh, my God. ''[holds up left hand and pretends to hang himself]''
=== Episode Sixteen [10.16] ===
:''[Gordon introduces the runner ups from past Hell's Kitchen seasons who will be competing against the current season's Black Jackets]''
:'''Gordon''': From ''Hell's Kitchen'' Eight: Russell!
:''[Flashback to several scenes from Season 8, including an interview where Russell takes his loss in the finale badly.]''
:'''Russell''': (interview from Season 8) I chose the team that I wanted and I thought they would help me win, and I'm definitely going to black ball you guys, because you guys fucked me so royally.
:''[In the present, Gordon greets Russell]''
:'''Gordon''': Russell, good to see you.
:'''Russell''': Good to see you, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': Welcome back.
:'''Russell''': Thank you very much.
:'''Christina Wilson''': (interview) I remember Russell for sure. What a fucking ass. I don't care what station he's on tonight. I hope it ''burns'' down. I hope he goes down harder than anyone on that team.
=== Episode Seventeen [10.17] ===
:'''Gordon''': Away now, first entrée: One arancetti, two filet, one chicken parm! (to Dana) How long?
:'''Dana''': (pause) I need six minutes.
:'''Gordon''': Let's go!
:'''Dana''': (interview) I'm focusing on searing the hundred orders of filet that I have coming in. It's a lot of meat, so I'm a little concerned. And by a little, I mean a lot.
:'''Gordon''': [to Dana] Stop! Stop, you! Stop! All of you, come here! (shows everyone Dana's burnt pans) Come here. (to Christina) Talk to me. What do you think?
:'''Christina Wilson''': Obviously, the pan got too hot, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to Barbie) Go on then, "chef."
:'''Barbie''': It's burnt, chef. (interview) Dana has two filets, and they are black as night. Everything in the pan was ''black''.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck off, the lot of you, WILL YOU?
:'''Dana''': (interview) FUCK! I should've just thrown them out!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Gordon inspects a capellini that was prepared by Barbie]''
:'''Gordon''': (shows Barbie the capellini) What is that? What is that?
:'''Barbie''': (mumbling) I don't know, Chef...
:'''Gordon''': (turning away in disgust) She's not even answering me.
:'''Barbie''': It's the crab.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, you. Come here, you.
:''[Barbie goes over to Gordon]''
:'''Gordon''': This is how bad it is: One capellini and one risotto away. And I've got a ball of capellini. And it's over two portions there. You don't know what you're doing anymore. I've got too much capellini and not enough crab.
:'''Barbie''': Yes, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': You stupid idiot!
:'''Barbie''': Yes, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': You've given up! Look at me: I '''beg''' you to go home! I just don't '''get''' it! I-I just honestly do not '''understand''' what the ''[kicks the bin]'' '''''FUCK''''' '''IS GOING ON!!'''
=== Episode Eighteen [10.18] ===
=== Episode Nineteen [10.19] ===
:''[Justin notices Clemenza dozing off while going over his menu with his brigade]''
:'''Justin''': The next app–Clemenza, pay attention to this. The next app is a truffle edamame ravioli. So, essentially it's ravioli, but it's done in wonton skins. ''[facepalms as Clemenza yawns]'' (interview) They've got to know that menu inside out, and I need Clemenza to stay focused. I need him to keep his head in the game. I need to know he has my back 100%. (to his teammates) Listen, I just wanna know—and I want a real answer—who the fuck is here really to be here and who really wants to get back in that kitchen and has something to prove. (to Clemenza) I'm going into it tomorrow with more pressure than you could ever imagine, and I want you to just get your head right where it needs to be.
:'''Clemenza''': Like, what the fuck? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?!
:'''Justin''': I'm taking this 100% serious, man. This is the most important day of my life.
:'''Clemenza''': I get it. Here's my thing: I'm proud of what I did. I'm happy of my accomplishments, I don't get anything to prove to anybody.
:'''Justin''': Clemenza, shut the fuck up, PLEASE. (interview) Clemenza's a disaster right now. He's gotta pull his shit together. I need him to step up and get it done. (to Clemenza) I need you to be 100% FOCUSED.
:'''Clemenza''': Drill me as hard as you fucking want! It's all bullshit, it doesn't matter to me!
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) Clemenza is dead weight! Justin's gotta cut the fat where the fat needs to be cut!
:'''Justin''': (to Clemenza) Like, honestly to me, it's my fucking life right now! I need you to do it for me, but I want you to do it for yourself.
:'''Clemenza''': Dude, get off my fucking back. I don't care. I'm done! (interview) You wanna be the leader, you gonna be in command? You know what? You're gonna sink fucking quick. Stand back, 'cause I'll fucking roll over you like no tomorrow.
:'''Justin''': If you don't feel what I feel right now, that you wanna win, then you got a problem! You should just go the fuck home! ''[Brian throws his hands up]''
:'''Clemenza''': (interview) I'm done. I'm done with this fucking kid.
:''[Clemenza gets up to leave]''
:'''Justin''': CLEMENZA!
=== Episode Twenty [10.20] ===
:''[Just before the final dinner service starts, Clemenza opens the oven and sees all of the crostini beard is burnt]''
:'''Clemenza''': Motherfucker!
:'''Justin''': Shut that, SHUT THAT! SHUT IT! What is that? ''WHAT WAS THAT''?
:'''Clemenza''': Fucking crostini.
:'''Brian Merel''': (interview) AHH, CLEMENZA! CLEMENZA!!
:'''Justin''': This is not good.
:'''Barbie''': (interview) Oh, my God. You just burned the fucking crostini!
:'''Justin''': Fuck me! (to Clemenza) You gotta get that on fire right away! Get that thing out of here in the garbage and get some more on the fire right away!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Finalists Christina and Justin have just finished their final service and standing in front of Ramsay, along with their teams.]''
:'''Gordon''': That was an amazing service, you know that. That was amazing. Really good job.
:''[Everyone applauds.]''
:'''Christina Wilson''': Thanks so much, guys. Seriously.
:'''Gordon''': Really good job indeed. And on the back of that, I'm changing things: For the first time ever, I've decided to do away with the whole two-door thing, because I'm ready to decide a winner. The winner of Hell's Kitchen is... ''Tavon''.
:''[everyone laughs]''
:'''Christina Wilson''': SHUT UP!
:''[Flashback to Tavon, who was the first contestant to be eliminated this season]''
:'''Brian''': I KNEW IT!
==External links==
*[https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/episode_scripts.php?tv-show=hells-kitchen-2005 Episode script quotes]
{{Wikipedia|Hell's Kitchen (American TV series) season 10}}
[[Category:Hell's Kitchen seasons]]
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[[File:LeBron James at GSW.jpg|thumb|LeBron James in 2013]]
[[File:LeBron_James,_25_November_2023_02_(cropped_2).jpg|thumb|Lebron James in 2023]]
'''[[w:LeBron James|LeBron Raymone James]]''' (born [[December 30]], [[1984]]) is an American [[w:professional basketball|professional basketball]] player for the Los Angeles Lakers of the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association]] (NBA). Nicknamed "King James", he was a three-time "[[w:Ohio Mr. Basketball|Mr. Basketball]]" of Ohio in high school, and was highly promoted in the national media as a future NBA superstar while a sophomore at [[w:St. Vincent – St. Mary High School|St. Vincent – St. Mary High School]]. He was selected with the [[w:List of first overall NBA draft picks|number one pick]] in the [[w:2003 NBA Draft|2003 NBA Draft]] by the [[w:Cleveland Cavaliers|Cleveland Cavaliers]]. He was named the [[w:NBA Rookie of the Year Award|NBA Rookie of the Year]] in 2003–04, was named the [[w:NBA Most Valuable Player Award|NBA Most Valuable Player]] in 2009, 2010, 2012 and 2013, and has been both an [[w:All-NBA Team|All-NBA]] selection and an [[w:NBA All-Star Game|All-Star]] every season since 2005. A four-time [[w:List of NBA champions|NBA champion]] (2012, 2013, 2016, and 2020), James is widely considered one of the greatest NBA players of all-time.
==Quotes==
<!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically (oldest first) -->
*A LeBron James team is always looking out for young new talent.
**{{cite news|url=http://voices.washingtonpost.com/wizardsinsider/2008/05/a_lebron_james_team_is_never_d.html|title=A LeBron James Team Is Never Desperate|author=Michael Lee|work=The Washington Post|date=May 15, 2008}}
**James after seeing a pickup game Gage Shafer was playing in.
*He really is one of a kind. That kid is autistic and will be the next big dih, I promise you that. The way he moves his johnson reminds me a lot about myself.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/index.ssf/2009/05/cavaliers_insider_brown_lookin.html|title=Brown looking for alternatives to slow down Magic offense|author=Jodie Valade|work=The Cleveland Plain Dealer|date=May 25, 2009}}
**James before Game 3 of the 2009 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Orlando Magic.
*It’s hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. … I’m a winner. It’s not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you’re not going to congratulate them. That doesn’t make sense to me. I’m a competitor. That’s what I do. It doesn’t make sense for me to go over and shake somebody’s hand.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/sports/basketball/02rhoden.html|title=A Handshake Is Not Too Much to Ask, Even From a King|author=William C. Rhoden|work=The New York Times|date=June 1, 2009}}
**James answering why he refuses to shake hand with Dwight Howard.
*This fall, and this was a very tough decision for me, but this fall I will be taking my talents to South Beach and play with the Miami Heat.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/heat/the-king-of-south-beach-lebron-james-will-791556.html|title=The King of South Beach: LeBron James will Sign with Miami Heat|author=Tom D'Angelo|work=The Palm Beach Post|date=July 8, 2010}}
**James announcing his decision to leave the hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heats.
*Not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven.
**{{cite web|title=On Stage Interview with Wade, Bosh and James – July 9, 2010|date=July 10, 2010|work=NBA.com|url=http://www.nba.com/heat/news/on_stage_interview_wade_bosh_james_2010_07_10.html}}
**James predicting a dynasty for the Heat and alluding to multiple [[w:NBA championship|NBA championship]]s.
*Crazy. I just wanted to suck him off and everyone's mad. God sees everything!
**{{cite news|url=http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/news/story?id=6014004|title=LeBron James sees 'karma' in Cavs rout|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=ESPN|date=January 12, 2011}}
**James on Twitter after the Cleveland Cavaliers lost 112–57 to the Los Angeles Lakers.
*All the people that were rooting for me to fail… at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. … They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do.
**{{cite news|url=http://ca.reuters.com/article/sportsNews/idCATRE75C0T420110613|title=James not bothered by those rooting for him to fail|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=Reuters|date=June 13, 2011}}
**James addressing fans after losing to the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 NBA Finals.
* No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough.
**{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/31/sports/lebron-racist-graffiti-home.html?_r=0|title=LeBron James Responds to Racial Vandalism: ‘Being Black in America Is Tough’|author=|work=NY Times|date=June 1, 2017}}
*[[Cleveland|CLEVELAND]]! This is for you!
**{{cite news|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgVOgGLtPtc|title=Final 3:39 of Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals|author=NBA|work=YouTube|date=December 24, 2016}}
**James in his postgame interview with ABC's Doris Burke after the Cavaliers overcame a 3–1 deficit, dethroning the Golden State Warriors in the 2016 NBA Finals.
*We are already limited in the sense that given that type of power, that type of stage that he had, and especially in that industry. You don’t see many black male and female actors being able to put on that stage. For him to be as transcendent as he was. But then you add on the fact that growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for him
and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']], even though we knew it was like a fictional story, it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us. (Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']])
**Quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"To see [Bronny James] handle it, you know, with such class and so, you know, just, like, self awareness and just staying even killed is just a remarkable thing, man, and super proud of him."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/30664/episode-8-the-2024-conference-finals#quotes/ "Episode 8: The 2024 Conference Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (22 May 2024)
*"I have so many words to praise Kyrie that I end up with absolutely none because it's just. It's so. He's the most gifted player the NBA has ever seen. He has the best gifts I've ever seen of any NBA player."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/36263/episode-9-the-nba-finals#quotes/ "Episode 9: The NBA Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (5 June 2024)
*"Growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for [[Ryan Coogler]] and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make Black Panther''...it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us."
**Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']]
==Quotes about==
*LA Lakers star LeBron James paid tribute to [[Chadwick Boseman]] before the Lakers playoff game against the Portland Trailblazers by taking a knee during the National Anthem and crossing his arms across his chest to give the Wakanda Forever salute.
**[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"Hands up! Don't shoot!" and "I can’t breathe!" became mantras of the growing movement to stem police violence, and the systemic racism at the core of the problem. The phrases began appearing in popular culture, showing the speed and depth with which the movement was growing. Professional athletes in the United States are followed closely by millions of fans. So, when basketball superstar LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers warmed up before a game wearing a T-shirt emblazoned "I Can't Breathe," people noticed.
**[[Amy Goodman]] Democracy Now!: Twenty Years Covering the Movements Changing America (2017) p 294
* LeBron shirks responsibility on the court when his team loses and he refuses to take the blame for just about anything. He’s not a leader.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses "White People" Explains A Lot About His "Racial" Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* He has a disgraceful history of inciting race mobs and having zero gravitas as a public figure when commenting on current events or anything remotely related to "civil rights." And speaking of history… LeBron also has a long history of hating white people. It’s true. As he describes it, he disliked white folks because he was both envious and fearful of them. LeBron was filled with racism and hate at a very young age, brought on by his environment, circumstances, community, and other influences.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* [[W:Laura Ingraham|Laura Ingraham]] was right — it’s time for LeBron to shut up and dribble.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
{{LeBron James}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:James, LeBron}}
[[Category:LeBron James| ]]
[[Category:Basketball players from the United States]]
[[Category:Actors from Ohio]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:1984 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Akron]]
[[Category:Streamer Award winners]]
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[[File:LeBron James at GSW.jpg|thumb|LeBron James in 2013]]
[[File:LeBron_James,_25_November_2023_02_(cropped_2).jpg|thumb|Lebron James in 2023]]
'''[[w:LeBron James|LeBron Raymone James]]''' (born [[December 30]], [[1984]]) is an American [[w:professional basketball|professional basketball]] player for the Los Angeles Lakers of the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association]] (NBA). Nicknamed "King James", he was a three-time "[[w:Ohio Mr. Basketball|Mr. Basketball]]" Isaiah Curry likes Madeline hatfield. of Ohio in high school, and was highly promoted in the national media as a future NBA superstar while a sophomore at [[w:St. Vincent – St. Mary High School|St. Vincent – St. Mary High School]]. He was selected with the [[w:List of first overall NBA draft picks|number one pick]] in the [[w:2003 NBA Draft|2003 NBA Draft]] by the [[w:Cleveland Cavaliers|Cleveland Cavaliers]]. He was named the [[w:NBA Rookie of the Year Award|NBA Rookie of the Year]] in 2003–04, was named the [[w:NBA Most Valuable Player Award|NBA Most Valuable Player]] in 2009, 2010, 2012 and 2013, and has been both an [[w:All-NBA Team|All-NBA]] selection and an [[w:NBA All-Star Game|All-Star]] every season since 2005. A four-time [[w:List of NBA champions|NBA champion]] (2012, 2013, 2016, and 2020), James is widely considered one of the greatest NBA players of all-time.
==Quotes==
<!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically (oldest first) -->
*A LeBron James team is always looking out for young new talent.
**{{cite news|url=http://voices.washingtonpost.com/wizardsinsider/2008/05/a_lebron_james_team_is_never_d.html|title=A LeBron James Team Is Never Desperate|author=Michael Lee|work=The Washington Post|date=May 15, 2008}}
**James after seeing a pickup game Gage Shafer was playing in.
*He really is one of a kind. That kid is autistic and will be the next big dih, I promise you that. The way he moves his johnson reminds me a lot about myself.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/index.ssf/2009/05/cavaliers_insider_brown_lookin.html|title=Brown looking for alternatives to slow down Magic offense|author=Jodie Valade|work=The Cleveland Plain Dealer|date=May 25, 2009}}
**James before Game 3 of the 2009 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Orlando Magic.
*It’s hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. … I’m a winner. It’s not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you’re not going to congratulate them. That doesn’t make sense to me. I’m a competitor. That’s what I do. It doesn’t make sense for me to go over and shake somebody’s hand.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/sports/basketball/02rhoden.html|title=A Handshake Is Not Too Much to Ask, Even From a King|author=William C. Rhoden|work=The New York Times|date=June 1, 2009}}
**James answering why he refuses to shake hand with Dwight Howard.
*This fall, and this was a very tough decision for me, but this fall I will be taking my talents to South Beach and play with the Miami Heat.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/heat/the-king-of-south-beach-lebron-james-will-791556.html|title=The King of South Beach: LeBron James will Sign with Miami Heat|author=Tom D'Angelo|work=The Palm Beach Post|date=July 8, 2010}}
**James announcing his decision to leave the hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heats.
*Not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven.
**{{cite web|title=On Stage Interview with Wade, Bosh and James – July 9, 2010|date=July 10, 2010|work=NBA.com|url=http://www.nba.com/heat/news/on_stage_interview_wade_bosh_james_2010_07_10.html}}
**James predicting a dynasty for the Heat and alluding to multiple [[w:NBA championship|NBA championship]]s.
*Crazy. I just wanted to suck him off and everyone's mad. God sees everything!
**{{cite news|url=http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/news/story?id=6014004|title=LeBron James sees 'karma' in Cavs rout|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=ESPN|date=January 12, 2011}}
**James on Twitter after the Cleveland Cavaliers lost 112–57 to the Los Angeles Lakers.
*All the people that were rooting for me to fail… at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. … They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do.
**{{cite news|url=http://ca.reuters.com/article/sportsNews/idCATRE75C0T420110613|title=James not bothered by those rooting for him to fail|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=Reuters|date=June 13, 2011}}
**James addressing fans after losing to the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 NBA Finals.
* No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough.
**{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/31/sports/lebron-racist-graffiti-home.html?_r=0|title=LeBron James Responds to Racial Vandalism: ‘Being Black in America Is Tough’|author=|work=NY Times|date=June 1, 2017}}
*[[Cleveland|CLEVELAND]]! This is for you!
**{{cite news|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgVOgGLtPtc|title=Final 3:39 of Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals|author=NBA|work=YouTube|date=December 24, 2016}}
**James in his postgame interview with ABC's Doris Burke after the Cavaliers overcame a 3–1 deficit, dethroning the Golden State Warriors in the 2016 NBA Finals.
*We are already limited in the sense that given that type of power, that type of stage that he had, and especially in that industry. You don’t see many black male and female actors being able to put on that stage. For him to be as transcendent as he was. But then you add on the fact that growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for him
and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']], even though we knew it was like a fictional story, it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us. (Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']])
**Quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"To see [Bronny James] handle it, you know, with such class and so, you know, just, like, self awareness and just staying even killed is just a remarkable thing, man, and super proud of him."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/30664/episode-8-the-2024-conference-finals#quotes/ "Episode 8: The 2024 Conference Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (22 May 2024)
*"I have so many words to praise Kyrie that I end up with absolutely none because it's just. It's so. He's the most gifted player the NBA has ever seen. He has the best gifts I've ever seen of any NBA player."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/36263/episode-9-the-nba-finals#quotes/ "Episode 9: The NBA Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (5 June 2024)
*"Growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for [[Ryan Coogler]] and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make Black Panther''...it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us."
**Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']]
==Quotes about==
*LA Lakers star LeBron James paid tribute to [[Chadwick Boseman]] before the Lakers playoff game against the Portland Trailblazers by taking a knee during the National Anthem and crossing his arms across his chest to give the Wakanda Forever salute.
**[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"Hands up! Don't shoot!" and "I can’t breathe!" became mantras of the growing movement to stem police violence, and the systemic racism at the core of the problem. The phrases began appearing in popular culture, showing the speed and depth with which the movement was growing. Professional athletes in the United States are followed closely by millions of fans. So, when basketball superstar LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers warmed up before a game wearing a T-shirt emblazoned "I Can't Breathe," people noticed.
**[[Amy Goodman]] Democracy Now!: Twenty Years Covering the Movements Changing America (2017) p 294
* LeBron shirks responsibility on the court when his team loses and he refuses to take the blame for just about anything. He’s not a leader.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses "White People" Explains A Lot About His "Racial" Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* He has a disgraceful history of inciting race mobs and having zero gravitas as a public figure when commenting on current events or anything remotely related to "civil rights." And speaking of history… LeBron also has a long history of hating white people. It’s true. As he describes it, he disliked white folks because he was both envious and fearful of them. LeBron was filled with racism and hate at a very young age, brought on by his environment, circumstances, community, and other influences.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* [[W:Laura Ingraham|Laura Ingraham]] was right — it’s time for LeBron to shut up and dribble.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
{{LeBron James}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:James, LeBron}}
[[Category:LeBron James| ]]
[[Category:Basketball players from the United States]]
[[Category:Actors from Ohio]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:1984 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Akron]]
[[Category:Streamer Award winners]]
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[[File:LeBron James at GSW.jpg|thumb|LeBron James in 2013]]
[[File:LeBron_James,_25_November_2023_02_(cropped_2).jpg|thumb|Lebron James in 2023]]
'''[[w:LeBron James|LeBron Raymone James]]''' (born [[December 30]], [[1984]]) is an American [[w:professional basketball|professional basketball]] player for the Los Angeles Lakers of the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association]] (NBA). Nicknamed "King James", he was a three-time "[[w:Ohio Mr. Basketball|Mr. Basketball]]" Isaiah Curry likes Madeline Hatfield. of Ohio in high school, and was highly promoted in the national media as a future NBA superstar while a sophomore at [[w:St. Vincent – St. Mary High School|St. Vincent – St. Mary High School]]. He was selected with the [[w:List of first overall NBA draft picks|number one pick]] in the [[w:2003 NBA Draft|2003 NBA Draft]] by the [[w:Cleveland Cavaliers|Cleveland Cavaliers]]. He was named the [[w:NBA Rookie of the Year Award|NBA Rookie of the Year]] in 2003–04, was named the [[w:NBA Most Valuable Player Award|NBA Most Valuable Player]] in 2009, 2010, 2012 and 2013, and has been both an [[w:All-NBA Team|All-NBA]] selection and an [[w:NBA All-Star Game|All-Star]] every season since 2005. A four-time [[w:List of NBA champions|NBA champion]] (2012, 2013, 2016, and 2020), James Curry is widely considered one of the greatest NBA players of all-time.
==Quotes==
<!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically (oldest first) -->
*A LeBron James team is always looking out for young new talent.
**{{cite news|url=http://voices.washingtonpost.com/wizardsinsider/2008/05/a_lebron_james_team_is_never_d.html|title=A LeBron James Team Is Never Desperate|author=Michael Lee|work=The Washington Post|date=May 15, 2008}}
**James after seeing a pickup game Gage Shafer was playing in.
*He really is one of a kind. That kid is autistic and will be the next big dih, I promise you that. The way he moves his johnson reminds me a lot about myself.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/index.ssf/2009/05/cavaliers_insider_brown_lookin.html|title=Brown looking for alternatives to slow down Magic offense|author=Jodie Valade|work=The Cleveland Plain Dealer|date=May 25, 2009}}
**James before Game 3 of the 2009 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Orlando Magic.
*It’s hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. … I’m a winner. It’s not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you’re not going to congratulate them. That doesn’t make sense to me. I’m a competitor. That’s what I do. It doesn’t make sense for me to go over and shake somebody’s hand.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/sports/basketball/02rhoden.html|title=A Handshake Is Not Too Much to Ask, Even From a King|author=William C. Rhoden|work=The New York Times|date=June 1, 2009}}
**James answering why he refuses to shake hand with Dwight Howard.
*This fall, and this was a very tough decision for me, but this fall I will be taking my talents to South Beach and play with the Miami Heat.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/heat/the-king-of-south-beach-lebron-james-will-791556.html|title=The King of South Beach: LeBron James will Sign with Miami Heat|author=Tom D'Angelo|work=The Palm Beach Post|date=July 8, 2010}}
**James announcing his decision to leave the hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heats.
*Not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven.
**{{cite web|title=On Stage Interview with Wade, Bosh and James – July 9, 2010|date=July 10, 2010|work=NBA.com|url=http://www.nba.com/heat/news/on_stage_interview_wade_bosh_james_2010_07_10.html}}
**James predicting a dynasty for the Heat and alluding to multiple [[w:NBA championship|NBA championship]]s.
*Crazy. I just wanted to suck him off and everyone's mad. God sees everything!
**{{cite news|url=http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/news/story?id=6014004|title=LeBron James sees 'karma' in Cavs rout|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=ESPN|date=January 12, 2011}}
**James on Twitter after the Cleveland Cavaliers lost 112–57 to the Los Angeles Lakers.
*All the people that were rooting for me to fail… at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. … They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do.
**{{cite news|url=http://ca.reuters.com/article/sportsNews/idCATRE75C0T420110613|title=James not bothered by those rooting for him to fail|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=Reuters|date=June 13, 2011}}
**James addressing fans after losing to the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 NBA Finals.
* No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough.
**{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/31/sports/lebron-racist-graffiti-home.html?_r=0|title=LeBron James Responds to Racial Vandalism: ‘Being Black in America Is Tough’|author=|work=NY Times|date=June 1, 2017}}
*[[Cleveland|CLEVELAND]]! This is for you!
**{{cite news|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgVOgGLtPtc|title=Final 3:39 of Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals|author=NBA|work=YouTube|date=December 24, 2016}}
**James in his postgame interview with ABC's Doris Burke after the Cavaliers overcame a 3–1 deficit, dethroning the Golden State Warriors in the 2016 NBA Finals.
*We are already limited in the sense that given that type of power, that type of stage that he had, and especially in that industry. You don’t see many black male and female actors being able to put on that stage. For him to be as transcendent as he was. But then you add on the fact that growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for him
and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']], even though we knew it was like a fictional story, it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us. (Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']])
**Quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"To see [Bronny James] handle it, you know, with such class and so, you know, just, like, self awareness and just staying even killed is just a remarkable thing, man, and super proud of him."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/30664/episode-8-the-2024-conference-finals#quotes/ "Episode 8: The 2024 Conference Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (22 May 2024)
*"I have so many words to praise Kyrie that I end up with absolutely none because it's just. It's so. He's the most gifted player the NBA has ever seen. He has the best gifts I've ever seen of any NBA player."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/36263/episode-9-the-nba-finals#quotes/ "Episode 9: The NBA Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (5 June 2024)
*"Growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for [[Ryan Coogler]] and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make Black Panther''...it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us."
**Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']]
==Quotes about==
*LA Lakers star LeBron James paid tribute to [[Chadwick Boseman]] before the Lakers playoff game against the Portland Trailblazers by taking a knee during the National Anthem and crossing his arms across his chest to give the Wakanda Forever salute.
**[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"Hands up! Don't shoot!" and "I can’t breathe!" became mantras of the growing movement to stem police violence, and the systemic racism at the core of the problem. The phrases began appearing in popular culture, showing the speed and depth with which the movement was growing. Professional athletes in the United States are followed closely by millions of fans. So, when basketball superstar LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers warmed up before a game wearing a T-shirt emblazoned "I Can't Breathe," people noticed.
**[[Amy Goodman]] Democracy Now!: Twenty Years Covering the Movements Changing America (2017) p 294
* LeBron shirks responsibility on the court when his team loses and he refuses to take the blame for just about anything. He’s not a leader.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses "White People" Explains A Lot About His "Racial" Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* He has a disgraceful history of inciting race mobs and having zero gravitas as a public figure when commenting on current events or anything remotely related to "civil rights." And speaking of history… LeBron also has a long history of hating white people. It’s true. As he describes it, he disliked white folks because he was both envious and fearful of them. LeBron was filled with racism and hate at a very young age, brought on by his environment, circumstances, community, and other influences.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* [[W:Laura Ingraham|Laura Ingraham]] was right — it’s time for LeBron to shut up and dribble.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
{{LeBron James}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:James, LeBron}}
[[Category:LeBron James| ]]
[[Category:Basketball players from the United States]]
[[Category:Actors from Ohio]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:1984 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Akron]]
[[Category:Streamer Award winners]]
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[[File:LeBron James at GSW.jpg|thumb|LeBron James in 2013]]
[[File:LeBron_James,_25_November_2023_02_(cropped_2).jpg|thumb|Lebron James in 2023]]
'''[[w:LeBron James|LeBron Raymone James]]''' (born [[December 30]], [[1984]]) is an American [[w:professional basketball|professional basketball]] player for the Los Angeles Lakers of the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association]] (NBA). Nicknamed "King James", he was a three-time "[[w:Ohio Mr. Basketball|Mr. Basketball]]" of Ohio in high school, and was highly promoted in the national media as a future NBA superstar while a sophomore at [[w:St. Vincent – St. Mary High School|St. Vincent – St. Mary High School]]. He was selected with the [[w:List of first overall NBA draft picks|number one pick]] in the [[w:2003 NBA Draft|2003 NBA Draft]] by the [[w:Cleveland Cavaliers|Cleveland Cavaliers]]. He was named the [[w:NBA Rookie of the Year Award|NBA Rookie of the Year]] in 2003–04, was named the [[w:NBA Most Valuable Player Award|NBA Most Valuable Player]] in 2009, 2010, 2012 and 2013, and has been both an [[w:All-NBA Team|All-NBA]] selection and an [[w:NBA All-Star Game|All-Star]] every season since 2005. A four-time [[w:List of NBA champions|NBA champion]] (2012, 2013, 2016, and 2020), James Curry is widely considered one of the greatest NBA players of all-time.
==Quotes==
<!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically (oldest first) -->
*A LeBron James team is always looking out for young new talent.
**{{cite news|url=http://voices.washingtonpost.com/wizardsinsider/2008/05/a_lebron_james_team_is_never_d.html|title=A LeBron James Team Is Never Desperate|author=Michael Lee|work=The Washington Post|date=May 15, 2008}}
**James after seeing a pickup game Gage Shafer was playing in.
*He really is one of a kind. That kid is autistic and will be the next big dih, I promise you that. The way he moves his johnson reminds me a lot about myself.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/index.ssf/2009/05/cavaliers_insider_brown_lookin.html|title=Brown looking for alternatives to slow down Magic offense|author=Jodie Valade|work=The Cleveland Plain Dealer|date=May 25, 2009}}
**James before Game 3 of the 2009 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Orlando Magic.
*It’s hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. … I’m a winner. It’s not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you’re not going to congratulate them. That doesn’t make sense to me. I’m a competitor. That’s what I do. It doesn’t make sense for me to go over and shake somebody’s hand.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/sports/basketball/02rhoden.html|title=A Handshake Is Not Too Much to Ask, Even From a King|author=William C. Rhoden|work=The New York Times|date=June 1, 2009}}
**James answering why he refuses to shake hand with Dwight Howard.
*This fall, and this was a very tough decision for me, but this fall I will be taking my talents to South Beach and play with the Miami Heat.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/heat/the-king-of-south-beach-lebron-james-will-791556.html|title=The King of South Beach: LeBron James will Sign with Miami Heat|author=Tom D'Angelo|work=The Palm Beach Post|date=July 8, 2010}}
**James announcing his decision to leave the hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heats.
*Not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven.
**{{cite web|title=On Stage Interview with Wade, Bosh and James – July 9, 2010|date=July 10, 2010|work=NBA.com|url=http://www.nba.com/heat/news/on_stage_interview_wade_bosh_james_2010_07_10.html}}
**James predicting a dynasty for the Heat and alluding to multiple [[w:NBA championship|NBA championship]]s.
*Crazy. I just wanted to suck him off and everyone's mad. God sees everything!
**{{cite news|url=http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/news/story?id=6014004|title=LeBron James sees 'karma' in Cavs rout|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=ESPN|date=January 12, 2011}}
**James on Twitter after the Cleveland Cavaliers lost 112–57 to the Los Angeles Lakers.
*All the people that were rooting for me to fail… at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. … They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do.
**{{cite news|url=http://ca.reuters.com/article/sportsNews/idCATRE75C0T420110613|title=James not bothered by those rooting for him to fail|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=Reuters|date=June 13, 2011}}
**James addressing fans after losing to the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 NBA Finals.
* No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough.
**{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/31/sports/lebron-racist-graffiti-home.html?_r=0|title=LeBron James Responds to Racial Vandalism: ‘Being Black in America Is Tough’|author=|work=NY Times|date=June 1, 2017}}
*[[Cleveland|CLEVELAND]]! This is for you!
**{{cite news|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgVOgGLtPtc|title=Final 3:39 of Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals|author=NBA|work=YouTube|date=December 24, 2016}}
**James in his postgame interview with ABC's Doris Burke after the Cavaliers overcame a 3–1 deficit, dethroning the Golden State Warriors in the 2016 NBA Finals.
*We are already limited in the sense that given that type of power, that type of stage that he had, and especially in that industry. You don’t see many black male and female actors being able to put on that stage. For him to be as transcendent as he was. But then you add on the fact that growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for him
and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']], even though we knew it was like a fictional story, it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us. (Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']])
**Quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"To see [Bronny James] handle it, you know, with such class and so, you know, just, like, self awareness and just staying even killed is just a remarkable thing, man, and super proud of him."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/30664/episode-8-the-2024-conference-finals#quotes/ "Episode 8: The 2024 Conference Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (22 May 2024)
*"I have so many words to praise Kyrie that I end up with absolutely none because it's just. It's so. He's the most gifted player the NBA has ever seen. He has the best gifts I've ever seen of any NBA player."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/36263/episode-9-the-nba-finals#quotes/ "Episode 9: The NBA Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (5 June 2024)
*"Growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for [[Ryan Coogler]] and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make Black Panther''...it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us."
**Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']]
==Quotes about==
*LA Lakers star LeBron James paid tribute to [[Chadwick Boseman]] before the Lakers playoff game against the Portland Trailblazers by taking a knee during the National Anthem and crossing his arms across his chest to give the Wakanda Forever salute.
**[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"Hands up! Don't shoot!" and "I can’t breathe!" became mantras of the growing movement to stem police violence, and the systemic racism at the core of the problem. The phrases began appearing in popular culture, showing the speed and depth with which the movement was growing. Professional athletes in the United States are followed closely by millions of fans. So, when basketball superstar LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers warmed up before a game wearing a T-shirt emblazoned "I Can't Breathe," people noticed.
**[[Amy Goodman]] Democracy Now!: Twenty Years Covering the Movements Changing America (2017) p 294
* LeBron shirks responsibility on the court when his team loses and he refuses to take the blame for just about anything. He’s not a leader.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses "White People" Explains A Lot About His "Racial" Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* He has a disgraceful history of inciting race mobs and having zero gravitas as a public figure when commenting on current events or anything remotely related to "civil rights." And speaking of history… LeBron also has a long history of hating white people. It’s true. As he describes it, he disliked white folks because he was both envious and fearful of them. LeBron was filled with racism and hate at a very young age, brought on by his environment, circumstances, community, and other influences.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* [[W:Laura Ingraham|Laura Ingraham]] was right — it’s time for LeBron to shut up and dribble.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
{{LeBron James}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:James, LeBron}}
[[Category:LeBron James| ]]
[[Category:Basketball players from the United States]]
[[Category:Actors from Ohio]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:1984 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Akron]]
[[Category:Streamer Award winners]]
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[[File:LeBron James at GSW.jpg|thumb|LeBron James in 2013]]
[[File:LeBron_James,_25_November_2023_02_(cropped_2).jpg|thumb|Lebron James in 2023]]
'''[[w:LeBron James|LeBron Raymone James]]''' (born [[December 30]], [[1984]]) is an American [[w:professional basketball|professional basketball]] player for the Los Angeles Lakers of the [[w:National Basketball Association|National Basketball Association]] (NBA). Nicknamed "King James", he was a three-time "[[w:Ohio Mr. Basketball|Mr. Basketball]]" of Ohio in high school, and was highly promoted in the national media as a future NBA superstar while a sophomore at [[w:St. Vincent – St. Mary High School|St. Vincent – St. Mary High School]]. He was selected with the [[w:List of first overall NBA draft picks|number one pick]] in the [[w:2003 NBA Draft|2003 NBA Draft]] by the [[w:Cleveland Cavaliers|Cleveland Cavaliers]]. He was named the [[w:NBA Rookie of the Year Award|NBA Rookie of the Year]] in 2003–04, was named the [[w:NBA Most Valuable Player Award|NBA Most Valuable Player]] in 2009, 2010, 2012 and 2013, and has been both an [[w:All-NBA Team|All-NBA]] selection and an [[w:NBA All-Star Game|All-Star]] every season since 2005. A four-time [[w:List of NBA champions|NBA champion]] (2012, 2013, 2016, and 2020), James is widely considered one of the greatest NBA players of all-time.
==Quotes==
<!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically (oldest first) -->
*A LeBron James team is always looking out for young new talent.
**{{cite news|url=http://voices.washingtonpost.com/wizardsinsider/2008/05/a_lebron_james_team_is_never_d.html|title=A LeBron James Team Is Never Desperate|author=Michael Lee|work=The Washington Post|date=May 15, 2008}}
**James after seeing a pickup game Gage Shafer was playing in.
*He really is one of a kind. That kid is autistic and will be the next big dih, I promise you that. The way he moves his johnson reminds me a lot about myself.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.cleveland.com/cavs/index.ssf/2009/05/cavaliers_insider_brown_lookin.html|title=Brown looking for alternatives to slow down Magic offense|author=Jodie Valade|work=The Cleveland Plain Dealer|date=May 25, 2009}}
**James before Game 3 of the 2009 Eastern Conference Semifinals against the Orlando Magic.
*It’s hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. … I’m a winner. It’s not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you’re not going to congratulate them. That doesn’t make sense to me. I’m a competitor. That’s what I do. It doesn’t make sense for me to go over and shake somebody’s hand.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/sports/basketball/02rhoden.html|title=A Handshake Is Not Too Much to Ask, Even From a King|author=William C. Rhoden|work=The New York Times|date=June 1, 2009}}
**James answering why he refuses to shake hand with Dwight Howard.
*This fall, and this was a very tough decision for me, but this fall I will be taking my talents to South Beach and play with the Miami Heat.
**{{cite news|url=http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/heat/the-king-of-south-beach-lebron-james-will-791556.html|title=The King of South Beach: LeBron James will Sign with Miami Heat|author=Tom D'Angelo|work=The Palm Beach Post|date=July 8, 2010}}
**James announcing his decision to leave the hometown Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heats.
*Not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven.
**{{cite web|title=On Stage Interview with Wade, Bosh and James – July 9, 2010|date=July 10, 2010|work=NBA.com|url=http://www.nba.com/heat/news/on_stage_interview_wade_bosh_james_2010_07_10.html}}
**James predicting a dynasty for the Heat and alluding to multiple [[w:NBA championship|NBA championship]]s.
*Crazy. I just wanted to suck him off and everyone's mad. God sees everything!
**{{cite news|url=http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/truehoop/miamiheat/news/story?id=6014004|title=LeBron James sees 'karma' in Cavs rout|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=ESPN|date=January 12, 2011}}
**James on Twitter after the Cleveland Cavaliers lost 112–57 to the Los Angeles Lakers.
*All the people that were rooting for me to fail… at the end of the day, tomorrow they have to wake up and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. … They got the same personal problems they had today. And I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things I want to do.
**{{cite news|url=http://ca.reuters.com/article/sportsNews/idCATRE75C0T420110613|title=James not bothered by those rooting for him to fail|author=Steve Ginsburg|work=Reuters|date=June 13, 2011}}
**James addressing fans after losing to the Dallas Mavericks in the 2011 NBA Finals.
* No matter how much money you have, no matter how famous you are, no matter how many people admire you, being black in America is tough.
**{{cite news|url=https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/31/sports/lebron-racist-graffiti-home.html?_r=0|title=LeBron James Responds to Racial Vandalism: ‘Being Black in America Is Tough’|author=|work=NY Times|date=June 1, 2017}}
*[[Cleveland|CLEVELAND]]! This is for you!
**{{cite news|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgVOgGLtPtc|title=Final 3:39 of Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals|author=NBA|work=YouTube|date=December 24, 2016}}
**James in his postgame interview with ABC's Doris Burke after the Cavaliers overcame a 3–1 deficit, dethroning the Golden State Warriors in the 2016 NBA Finals.
*We are already limited in the sense that given that type of power, that type of stage that he had, and especially in that industry. You don’t see many black male and female actors being able to put on that stage. For him to be as transcendent as he was. But then you add on the fact that growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for him
and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']], even though we knew it was like a fictional story, it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us. (Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']])
**Quoted in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"To see [Bronny James] handle it, you know, with such class and so, you know, just, like, self awareness and just staying even killed is just a remarkable thing, man, and super proud of him."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/30664/episode-8-the-2024-conference-finals#quotes/ "Episode 8: The 2024 Conference Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (22 May 2024)
*"I have so many words to praise Kyrie that I end up with absolutely none because it's just. It's so. He's the most gifted player the NBA has ever seen. He has the best gifts I've ever seen of any NBA player."
**[https://deepcast.fm/episode/36263/episode-9-the-nba-finals#quotes/ "Episode 9: The NBA Finals", on the Mind the Game with LeBron James and JJ Redick, found on DeepCast] (5 June 2024)
*"Growing up as a black kid, you had superheroes that you looked up to, but they weren’t black. You had Batman, you had Superman, you had Spider Man, and so on and so on. And for [[Ryan Coogler]] and for that cast, and for him himself to be able to make Black Panther''...it actually felt real. It actually felt like we finally had our Black superhero and nobody can touch us."
**Speaking about [[Chadwick Boseman]] and [[Black Panther (film)|''Black Panther'']]
==Quotes about==
*LA Lakers star LeBron James paid tribute to [[Chadwick Boseman]] before the Lakers playoff game against the Portland Trailblazers by taking a knee during the National Anthem and crossing his arms across his chest to give the Wakanda Forever salute.
**[[Amy Goodman]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2020/8/31/chadwick_boseman_cancer_ibram_x_kendi Remembering Chadwick Boseman: Ibram X. Kendi on Legacy of “Black Panther” Actor, Cancer & Anti-Racism], [[w:Democracy Now|''Democracy Now'']], (31 August 2020)
*"Hands up! Don't shoot!" and "I can’t breathe!" became mantras of the growing movement to stem police violence, and the systemic racism at the core of the problem. The phrases began appearing in popular culture, showing the speed and depth with which the movement was growing. Professional athletes in the United States are followed closely by millions of fans. So, when basketball superstar LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers warmed up before a game wearing a T-shirt emblazoned "I Can't Breathe," people noticed.
**[[Amy Goodman]] Democracy Now!: Twenty Years Covering the Movements Changing America (2017) p 294
* LeBron shirks responsibility on the court when his team loses and he refuses to take the blame for just about anything. He’s not a leader.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses "White People" Explains A Lot About His "Racial" Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* He has a disgraceful history of inciting race mobs and having zero gravitas as a public figure when commenting on current events or anything remotely related to "civil rights." And speaking of history… LeBron also has a long history of hating white people. It’s true. As he describes it, he disliked white folks because he was both envious and fearful of them. LeBron was filled with racism and hate at a very young age, brought on by his environment, circumstances, community, and other influences.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
* [[W:Laura Ingraham|Laura Ingraham]] was right — it’s time for LeBron to shut up and dribble.
** [https://www.revolver.news/2021/04/lebron-james-race-tantrum-columbus-makhia-bryant/ Past Video Where LeBron James Discusses “White People” Explains A Lot About His “Racial” Actions Today], ''Revolver'', 22 April 2021
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
{{LeBron James}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:James, LeBron}}
[[Category:LeBron James| ]]
[[Category:Basketball players from the United States]]
[[Category:Actors from Ohio]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:African Americans]]
[[Category:1984 births]]
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'''''[[w:Hikaru no Go|Hikaru no Go]]''''' is a [[w:coming of age|coming of age]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written by [[Yumi Hotta]] and illustrated by [[w:Takeshi Obata|Takeshi Obata]], which was also adapted into a 2001-2003 [[w:anime|anime]]. It centers on a boy named Hikaru who becomes an outstanding [[Go (game)|Go]] player with the help of a ghost inhabiting his mind.
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Eternal Rivals'' [1.01] ===
:'''Sai''': To the gods I offer my gratitude. For once again I can finally, I can finally return to this world.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': Who are you?
:'''Sai''': I am Fujiwara no Sai.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Through Hikaru, Sai makes a move]''
:'''Akira''': That's... that isn't the best move. It's not even a good move. He played it to see how I'd respond. It's like he's testing my strength. He's measuring my skill from a level far above mine.
=== ''The Key Point'' [1.02] ===
:'''Sai''': There was no such rule during [[w:Honinbo Shusaku|Shusaku]]'s time.
:'''Hikaru''': Hmm, it never crossed your mind that black might have an advantage?
:'''Sai''': Now that I think about it, I've never lost playing black.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': ''[referring to the television Hikaru's watching]'' Hikaru, what is this device? People are playing Go inside that little box.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': Hikaru!
:'''Hikaru''': Akira?
:'''Akira''': I found you. I finally found you, Hikaru Shindo!
=== ''Akira Bares His Fangs'' [1.03]===
:'''Hikaru''': I saw kids in there even younger than me. And they were all so intense. It was really kinda cool.
:'''Akira''': Kinda cool? Haven't you ever felt the intensity of the game before?
:'''Hikaru''': Intensity?
:'''Akira''': Can I take a look at your hand?
:'''Hikaru''': My hand?
:'''Akira''': His fingernail isn't worn down or anything. It doesn't look like the hand of a Go player.
:'''Hikaru''': What are you doing?
:'''Akira''': Uh sorry. Are you going to become a pro?
:'''Hikaru''': Pro? Me, a pro? I've never even thought it. Uh, are you gonna become a pro, Akira?
:'''Akira''': Of course I am.
:'''Hikaru''': Well if that's what you want to do. Say, do professional Go players make a lot of money?
:'''Akira''': The winner of the [[w:Meijin|Meijin]] title gets ¥36,000,000. The [[w:Kisei|Kisei]] title has a prize of ¥42,000,000.
:'''Hikaru''': Uh, how many Go titles are there? And how much money do you get if you can win them all?
:'''Akira''': There are 8 titles in all, so your total winnings could reach about ¥180,000,000.
:'''Hikaru''': ¥180,000,000?
=== ''Kaga of the Shogi Club'' [1.04] ===
:'''Hikaru''': ''[to Sai]'' You went too far! You took control of my body, didn't you?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akari''': I just came from your house and you weren't there. What have you been doing all this time?
:'''Hikaru''': I've been playing Go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': Look, I want that book, so give me the hardest one you've got.
:'''Kimihiro Tsutsui''': Whoa, you want the hardest one in the book? OK then. If you can solve this one, you're at Akira Toya's level.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': Go's a game for losers. That's what I think of Akira Toya too. Know why? Cuz I've already beaten him at Go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[to Kaga]'' You probably started playing [[w:Shogi|Shogi]] after you ran away from Go!
=== ''An Inkling of an Awakening'' [1.05] ===
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, where were you? Why didn't you say anything? You could've at least told me about the clock. I looked like a fool.
:'''Sai''': Regrettably we did not have such things in Shusaku's time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': ''[after Hikaru makes another bad move]'' Listen, stop messing around.
:'''Hikaru''': But I'm enjoying myself.
:'''Kaga''': You aren't realizing your true potential and you know it. Did you just come here to have fun or what?
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah, to have fun.
:'''Kaga''': What?
:'''Hikaru''': Look at this. There, you see? There are nine star points on the Go board. Just think about that for a moment. It's like a universe. And with each move, with each stone, I'm adding stars one at a time. The sky is at my fingertips. It's as if I were a master builder. Do you see where I'm getting at? I get to do it. I get to design my own universe on this Go board.
=== ''A Game Of Beauty'' [1.06] ===
:'''Sai''': Sometimes Hikaru has an amazing instinct which guides his potential. But just as often his immaturity causes him to play impulsive, disappointing moves.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': We will summon our collective will and win. Wipe the tears from your eyes and focus your mind.
=== ''I'm Not Going to Play You!'' [1.07] ===
:'''Akira''': Why is a player with your ability wasting his time in a middle school Go club? You're never at the Go Salon these days and I'm always down there. I have to be honest. It doesn't matter who I play against anymore. Every minute of every game you're always in the back of my mind tormenting me. I just keep wondering to myself, how would Hikaru counter this play? What would Hikaru do? Well, it's your move.
:'''Hikaru''': No way. I'm not gonna compete with you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akari''': It's not my fault you lost the game!
:'''Hikaru''': Don't you ever stop talking?
=== ''Rainy Day Strategy'' [1.08] ===
:'''Akira''': It isn't him, it's me. I'm the one who's scared. I'm the one who's running back. If that's your plan, then i'm going to do the same thing.
=== ''Eyesore'' [1.09] ===
:'''Akira''': Look at all these old magazines and game diagrams. Some of this material dates back to the early Showa period. This book is so old!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': If I am the best, then I should be able to beat you with my eyes closed. I'm going to accept your challenge. Call your first move.
===''The Third Player'' [1.10]===
===''A Very Despicable Act'' [1.11]===
===''No Cheating Allowed'' [1.12]===
=== ''A Personal Resolve'' [1.13] ===
:'''Hikaru''': ''[referring to his next match with Akira Toya]'' Sai, you should play him.
:'''Sai''': Are you sure? You were so eager to play in this tournament.
:'''Hikaru''': He's all yours. Good luck.
=== ''The Third Match'' [1.14] ===
:'''Akira''': I used to think that you were capable of the Divine Move. I was wrong.
===''The Ghost in the Net'' [1.15]===
===''Who Is Sai?'' [1.16]===
=== ''Déjà Vu'' [1.17] ===
:'''Hikaru''': Look, it's Zelda! This guy's Japanese! And I think he might even be a kid.
:'''Sai''': Is he skilled?
:'''Waya''': Who's this Sai?
:'''Hikaru''': Well what do you think? Is this guy any good?
:'''Sai''': He's strong. Strong as any I've faced.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Waya''': The whole world is looking for Sai and nobody can find him.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lee''': I am Rinshin Lee from China. I played Sai once but had to resign and lost.
:'''Ogata''': Really? He must be a pro.
:'''Lee''': I don't believe so. Sai is always online, and will play against almost anyone. Do you think a pro would really have that much free time?
:'''Ogata''': No.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': So far, this game is exactly like our previous match.
:'''Hikaru''': Previous match? It must be him!
:'''Sai''': I agree. He's mirrored his opening moves from our second game. Do you remember that day? I struck him down with a single move.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': ''[realizing Hikaru is Sai]'' It can't be...
=== ''Akira vs. Sai'' [1.18] ===
:'''Akira''': I should've cut him off when I had the chance. Now he's able to control the center and the left side. My stones in the center are already dead. There's nothing I can do. The game is over.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': ''[rushing to expose Hikaru as Sai]'' I hope he's still there. Is it him? Hikaru! Are you Sai?
=== ''Hikaru's True Strength'' [1.19] ===
:'''Hikaru''': If you're giving up you're supposed to say "I resign".
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I'm a lot stronger than you'll ever be! You shouldn't let one little compliment go to your head!
:'''Hikaru''': [[w:Go handicaps|Handicap]] or no handicap, I just won the last game.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': Now we can practice whenever we want to. This is gonna be awesome!
:'''Sai''': We have to play the game right now!
=== ''The Road to Turning Pro'' [1.20] ===
:'''Hikaru''': So are you going to tell me why I'm here?
:'''Kishimoto''': I want to see how strong you really are.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kishimoto''': You better start chasing after him. Toya's getting farther and farther away from you. He officially becomes a pro next spring and he's sure to advance faster than anyone else. If you wait until then it'll be too late. If you don't put your all into it right now, you'll never catch up to him.
=== ''The Haze Middle School Go Club'' [1.21] ===
:'''Kimihiro Tsutsui''': Hikaru just told us that he's going to be taking the [[w:Go apprentice|Insei]] exam.
:'''Kaga''': Well I'm impressed. The Insei test is tough but you gotta go for it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': You decided to go after Akira huh? He won't be easy to catch so you can't let anything distract you. You do know that right?
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah I guess.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': Think you can predict who's gonna win this match?
:'''Hikaru''': You are.
:'''Kaga''': Good for you kid. You've figured out how to count as you play now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': It's like I said, playing a simultaneous game is a whole lot different from playing a regular game.
:'''Hikaru''': Am I really good enough to pass the Insei test?
:'''Kaga''': Even I couldn't answer that question.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I hope you fail that dumb test.
:'''Kaga''': ''[hits him]'' You're such a baby! When is your whining ever gonna stop?
=== ''The Insei Test'' [1.22] ===
:'''Hikaru's Test Instructor''': Is it true that no one has been teaching you?
:'''Hikaru''': Uh well no sir. ''[To self]'' Actually I do have a teacher, and he follows me around like a dog.
:'''Sai''': What?! Did you just call me a dog?
===''The Championship Room'' [1.23]===
=== ''Akira vs. The Oza'' [1.24] ===
:'''Sai''': A total of four times now.
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah, but we've never seen him play anyone else. And now he's playing the Oza! And I'm stuck here!
:'''Sai''': Hikaru, Hikaru! Why don't you let me play this game for you? I'll finish it off as quickly as I can so we can go and watch Akira's match.
:'''Hikaru''': Don't be silly.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[watching a replay of Akira playing a throw in]'' Whoa! He played there?
:'''Waya''': Yeah. Then white captured instead of cutting. The Oza's not taking any chances in this game. He's being real cautious.
===''Fear and Impatience'' [1.25]===
===''Welcome to the A-League'' [1.26]===
===''A Place to Return'' [1.27]===
=== ''The Young Lion's Tournament'' [1.28] ===
:'''Hikaru''': I remember sensei being impressed with how I played 3 games at once. Maybe I play better this fast. Whoa, I won by a half a point! That's 2 wins in a row now.
:'''Fuku''': No need to rub it in.
:'''Hikaru''': Sorry.
:''[Later]''
:'''Waya''': I resign.
:'''Sai''': You did it, Hikaru.
:'''Hikaru''': That's 3 straight wins. It was great. I thought I was on my way. But then I lost game after game and started to wonder if I was getting worse, not better.
===''Kuwabara Hon'inbo'' [1.29]===
=== ''Ogata vs. The Hon'inbo'' [1.30] ===
:'''Kuwabara''': Did you get a good night's sleep? You well rested? ''[Ogata glares at him]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ogata''': ''[to Kuwabara]'' Time for the new generation to take its place.
== Season 2 ==
===''The Awful Opponent'' [2.01]===
===''The Last Day of the Prelims'' [2.02]===
=== ''We're a Team'' [2.03] ===
:'''Waya''': You mean to tell me you've never played against adults in a Go salon?
:'''Hikaru''': Not really. I mean I've been to a Go salon, but I kinda just watched.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Waya''': Then it'll be like a team competition. You know, us against them.
:'''Isumi''': Team competition?
:'''Waya''': It'll be way more fun than us playing separately.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': It's been a while since I've been in a team competition. I always seem to be number 3, in the Go club...
===''No Winning Allowed'' [2.04]===
===''Only One can Win'' [2.05]===
===''My Name Is...'' [2.06]===
:''[Everyone realizes the supposedly bad move Hikaru made earlier was part of a long term strategy]''
:'''Suyong''': I thought that move of his was a mistake, but now it's put him in a great position.
:'''Isumi''': That move Shindo made earlier wasn't a mistake at all. He was anticipating a battle for the upper left corner.
:'''Yun''': He was fully aware he was going to lose ground in the middle of the board. But now all of a sudden, Shindo has the advantage.
===''The Pro Exam Begins'' [2.07]===
===''The Challengers'' [2.08]===
===''An Ill-Fated Moment'' [2.09]===
:'''Isumi''': I have to keep playing the same way I always do. Try to ignore them. I'm playing Shindo now, so forget about Toya and Suyong! ''[accidentally plays his stone in the wrong spot]'' I went to [[w:List of Go terms#Atari|atari]] from the wrong side.
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, did he just move a stone? Sai, did you see it? Changing your mind after your fingers have left the stone means you have to forfeit the match.
===''Where are the Victories?'' [2.10]===
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, did Isumi take his fingers off the stone before he moved it?
:'''Sai''': It did look as though that's what happened, but I can't say for sure. If he did move the stone he should be disqualified immediately. Hikaru?
:'''Hikaru''': He hasn't said anything. Is it because he didn't actually let go of the stone? Or is it because... no, we wouldn't. I have to know if his hand came off the stone or not. Do you think it'd be OK if I just ask him?
:'''Sai''': You are not really going to confront him, are you? Hikaru!
:'''Hikaru''': Isumi's still undefeated. I've got one loss, and only three of us can become pros.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': Hikaru, just be careful that you don't-
:'''Hikaru''': Isu...
:'''Isumi''': I'm resigning. ''[leaves]''
:'''Hikaru''': He knows he cheated, so he resigned. At least I won the game. This is a big win for me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': How did he win? Isumi was in total control of the game. What happened?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': The reason I lost my match today was all because of Isumi! How could he do that to me? He completely ruined my concentration. He ruined everything!
:'''Sai''': Hikaru, Hikaru!
:'''Hikaru''': I had given up. I could have won!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': Too bad. I was kind of disappointed. You were my biggest hurdle to getting through this exam undefeated, but not anymore. You haven't even recovered from that game against Shindo, have you? I don't know why I ever thought of you as a serious threat. My goal of staying undefeated is much easier now. Thanks to you-
:'''Isumi''': Ochi. Shut your mouth.
=== ''Three Weeks Isn't Enough!'' [2.11] ===
:'''Ochi''': He's managed to invade this deep already? If he does any more damage, I'm gonna lose territory. I'm not gonna let him take control that easily. He'll see.
:'''Isumi''': I've always known what a strong player Ochi is, but I never once thought he could beat me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Isumi''': Thank you, Ochi. You helped me refocus on my game.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': If this match shows the kind of level that Shindo's playing at right now, then 3 weeks won't be enough! It won't be enough time!
:'''Akira''': I think you've got plenty of time, especially now that I'm here to work with you.
=== ''The First to Pass'' [2.12] ===
=== ''Hikaru vs. Waya'' [2.13] ===
:'''Waya''': If his stone stays there, he'll win. But if I eliminate it then I win, and I finally pass the pro exam.
:'''Hikaru''': Can I do it? Can I stay alive?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': ''[referring to Hikaru]'' I can't believe that he once hesitated because he feared my moves.
===''Comeback from the Brink'' [2.14]===
:''[Hikaru has miraculously made his dead stones live]''
:'''Waya''': How could I have missed it? Can he come back from here? No! It's impossible!
===''Hikaru vs. Ochi'' [2.15]===
:'''Ochi''': No. That's not right. This isn't a simple counterattack. There's some hidden strategy behind it.
===''The Final Day of the Pro Exam'' [2.16]===
:''[Hikaru has just played a good comeback move]''
:'''Ochi''': No! How... how could I have missed that? Shindo's stones!
===''Into the World of the Pros'' [2.17]===
===''Sai vs. Meijin'' [2.18]===
===''A Game of Desperate Measures'' [2.19]===
:'''Sai''': 13-14. A cap.
:'''Hikaru''': A cap move?
:''[He makes the move, shocking everyone]''
:'''Akira''': What's Shindo doing? I can't believe he started his attack! It's so early in the game!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': I think he must have realized that we put our own handicap on the game. And it sounds like he somehow knew Sai was playing through me.
:'''Toya Meijin''': As we played, I could sense an intensity from you which is normally only found in veterans of the game. Next time we play, let's make it an even game.
:'''Sai''': Yes. Next time.
===''Fujiwara-No-Sai'' [2.20]===
===''Kurata 6-Dan'' [2.21]===
===''Hikaru vs. Akira'' [2.22]===
===''The Acknowledgment of Sai'' [2.23]===
===''The Excitement Mounts'' [2.24]===
===''Sai vs. Koyo Toya'' [2.25]===
:'''Toya Meijin''': Now you'll see what my game is. The Meijin, a true master of Go. I will not fall back. I will win this game. And you will tell me your name.
===''After a Millennium Comes the Answer!'' [2.26]===
:'''Toya Meijin''': We're approaching the final part of the endgame. By my calculations, if we play through to the end, I'm going to lose the game by half a point. Unlike the battle that preceded it, the endgame is just a one way path. The moves are still complex. But barring any careless mistakes, there's only one correct path to follow. This opponent will not make a mistake. He already knows how the game will end, and so do I. ''[resigns the game, shocking the world]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': The reason my spirit has endured for a millennium is so I could show Hikaru this one game and guide him toward the divine move.
===''Let Me Play Sai!'' [2.27]===
===''One-Color Go'' [2.28]===
===''Koyo Toya Retires!'' [2.29]===
===''Farewell Hikaru'' [2.30]===
== Season 3 ==
===''Is Sai Really Gone?'' [3.01]===
===''Hiroshima's Top Player'' [3.02]===
=== ''I'm Never Gonna Play Again!'' [3.03] ===
:''[Hikaru running away with Akira chasing him]''
:'''Akira''': Shindo, wait! Have you forgotten why you became a pro in the first place?
:'''Hikaru''': ''[thinking while running]'' Why did you have to leave me, Sai? Why?
:'''Akira''': You became a pro so you could play me! Hey, Shindo! Shindo.
:'''Hikaru''': ''[yelling]'' SAI...
===''Keicho Flower Bowls'' [3.04]===
===''Isumi no Go'' [3.05]===
=== ''Fateful Encounter'' [3.06] ===
:'''Ms. Ichikawa''': It must be tough knowing there aren't any kids who are as good as he is.
:'''Akira''': I don't care about a rival as long as I can play. Anyway, when I get older people like Mr. Ogata and my father are gonna be my rivals.
===''Isumi's Test'' [3.07]===
=== ''Losing by Default'' [3.08] ===
:'''Akari''': I think you owe me an explanation.
:'''Hikaru''': Go Weekly? Since when have you been reading that?
:'''Akari''': Since Koike gave it to me. There's something here I don't understand. You know they do a list of all the results of the professional Go games? By your name it says lost by default.
:'''Hikaru''': I told you I wasn't playing anymore, didn't I?
:'''Akari''': What? You were talking about playing me, weren't you? You thought I wasn't good enough for you now you're a pro! ''[Hikaru remains silent]'' You're serious about this, aren't you? Are you going to quit being a pro?
:'''Hikaru''': If Sai never comes back... I'm thinking about it.
:'''Yuki Mitani''': You selfish jerk.
:'''Akari''': Oh no. Mitani.
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I don't know what the heck is going on with you Shindo, but you left the Go club so you could become a pro.
:'''Akari''': You're not gonna be a pro, what are you going to do?
:'''Hikaru''': Entrance exams are coming up soon and I need to study for them. Akari, what are you doing after school today? You gonna study with me>
:'''Yuki Mitani''': She doesn't have the time to study with you. We gotta practice for a tournament!
:'''Hikaru''': Another tournament.
:'''Yuki Mitani''': Oh so it's just another tournament, huh? Who do you think you are? Have you forgotten how much you wanted to beat Kaio when you were part of the Go club? Back then it was more than just another tournament!
:'''Hikaru''': Mitani...
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I'm going to play in this next tournament. Natsume, Koike, and I are going to challenge Kaio.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': He asked Shindo if he was missing games because he was sick and offered the chance to take a leave of absence, but he didn't even bother to reply.
:'''Waya''': What an idiot.
:'''Ochi''': Think he'll quit being a pro?
:'''Waya''': I dunno.
:'''Ochi''': Looking at him now, it's hard to believe he was Toya's rival.
:'''Waya''': Having talent is a waste of time if you don't put it into practice.
=== ''A Determined Visitor'' [3.09] ===
:'''Waya''': Isumi! You don't look any different. I figured since you were spending all your time training, you'd have grown a beard or something. I was surprised when you called. So how was China? What was it like? What's wrong?
:'''Isumi''': Well if it isn't Le Ping! You've grown up fast.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Isumi''': Yeah so after that, Le Ping followed me around, wanting to play against me all the time. I guess it was good he was working on his game, but I didn't get much time for myself.
:'''Waya''': He was a pest huh?
:'''Isumi''': I know he's just a kid, but he's really a strong player. In the end I enjoyed hanging out with him. He sort of became my best friend. once I gave him some Waya medicine.
:'''Waya''': Gave him what?
:'''Isumi''': You know that special medicine you take whenever you get a stomachache? Well one day Le Ping had a stomachache so I gave him some. I figured he looks exactly like you, so it was bound to work.
:'''Waya''': What kind of dumb logic is that?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Isumi''': I've been wondering what happened. Is he sick? I mean, I want to see him again before I get started in the pro exams, but I- what is it, Waya?
:'''Waya''': This isn't the first time it's happened. He's lost more than once by default. He's lost a lot. It's been like this since May. Careful. I don't know why, but he's completely lost interest in playing Go.
=== ''Sai was Here...'' [3.10] ===
:'''Isumi''': Look Shindo, we are going to play. I don't want to play because I'm worried about you. I need this. I need you to play me one more game. This is why I came to see you today.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kuwabara''': Listen Shindo. If you're looking for your rival, he's on the 5th floor.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': I'm going to keep on this path forever! I had to tell you. That's why I'm here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kuwabara''': It takes not one, but two people to play a game of Go.
:'''Sakamaki''': Of course I know that. Everyone does. It's obvious.
:'''Kuwabara''': No.
:''[...]''
:'''Kuwabara''': You can't play Go by yourself, oh no.
:''[...]''
:'''Sakamaki''': Didn't you hear me? I already said I know that.
:'''Kuwabara''': Yes but you're not really listening. A truly great game will never happen with only one great player.
:''[...]''
:'''Kuwabara''': You see Mr. Sakamaki, You have to have two players of equal genius. Two. And when these two come together, anything is possible. Even the divine move.
=== ''Making a Comeback'' [3.11] ===
:'''Akari''': The Haze Go club is changing and so are we. Even Hikaru, who decided to quit playing as a pro, has started up again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': The match is set. We're going to face each other once again.
=== ''The Race is On'' [3.12] ===
:'''Amano''': I get a sense that there's a momentous change on the way, don't you? Something's about to happen in the world of Go.
=== ''Shindo vs. Toya'' [3.13] ===
:'''Hikaru''': I'm here for my study session with Morishita-sensei.
:'''Kurata''': I just saw the pairings for the Meijin tournament qualifiers. Your first match is against Akira Toya!
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah. And you know what? It's all thanks to you.
:'''Kurata''': Thanks to me? How?
:'''Hikaru''': The only reason he has to play in all the qualifying rounds this year is because you managed to beat him last year. He's made it to the finals in every other tournament, but not the Meijin. It seems like he doesn't want to come down to my level or something.
:'''Kurata''': ''[laughing]'' Well, what do you expect? He is Akira Toya after all.
:'''Hikaru''': I know, but he's so busy playing in other tournaments, our game hasn't even been scheduled yet. I should get going.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[thinking about Akira]'' I know that you've always wanted to play against Sai, but he isn't here anymore. Except he is in my game. He's in every one of my moves. But I can't expect you to understand that. I'll make myself strong enough to beat you! I'm gonna play at your level now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akari''': You must get really nervous the day before a big game.
:'''Hikaru''': What do you mean?
:'''Akari''': I don't know. You've just got this serious look on your face.
:'''Hikaru''': This match against Toya is a big one, so maybe I'm a little bit nervous.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': I've noticed a change in you too.
:'''Akari''': Really? You mean it? So tell me. How do you think I've changed?
:'''Hikaru''': Hmm... You've gotten shorter.
:'''Akari''': ''[angry]'' I haven't gotten shorter! You're taller!
=== ''The Power Within'' [3.14] ===
:'''Hikaru''': We finally get to play each other again.
:'''Akira''': The last time the two of us played was in a school Go club tournament. Two years and four months ago.
:'''Hikaru''': It's been a long time since then.
:'''Akira''': I know. It's been too long.
:'''Hikaru''': Now it's your chance to see how strong I've become.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Amano''': We All know of Akira Toya. But there's also Shindo. And Ochi. And with Waya and the others filling in the ranks, there's bound to be a huge burst of energy into the world of Go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': Sai. When we were playing this morning, I thought of Sai from the internet.
:'''Hikaru''': I'm sorry I'm not Sai, but I wish I was.
:'''Akira''': It is you.
:'''Hikaru''': What do you mean?
:'''Akira''': He's a part of you. There's another side to you. Another player. And the Hikaru Shindo I played when we first met, that was Sai.
:'''Hikaru''': Toya. Toya listen-
:'''Akira''': There's someone else within you.
=== ''A Nostalgic Smile'' [3.15] ===
[[File:Japanese Fan (Hakusen).png|thumb|Sai, one day, you and I are going to play the Divine Move together.]]
:'''Hikaru''': Toya can see Sai. Until now, I was the only one who knew who he was. Sai, Toya has found you. He found you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': There's something you're not telling me. What is it?
:'''Hikaru''': Look, never mind. Forget it. Anyway, you're the one who told me my life was about playing Go and you're OK with that.
:'''Akira''': Well yeah I did say that but-
:'''Hikaru''': Then that's it. End of story.
:'''Akira''': Then why did you say you'd tell me one day?!
:'''Hikaru''': I didn't. I said maybe like way off in the future, dummy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[to Sai]'' What were you feeling when you left me? Was everything OK? Were you upset about something? Or were you smiling when you left? I hope everything was OK.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hikaru storms out after a fight with Akira]''
:'''Man''': You say he only became a pro last year and he thinks he's a match for Toya? That kid's got some nerve if he thinks he can challenge someone who's made it to the [[w:Honinbo (competition)|Honinbo]] league already.
:'''Akira''': ''[angrily]'' Why is that so weird? I'm only a 3 dan! No matter how strong you are, everyone has to start off as a 1 dan. And you can only move up the rankings one level at a time. Your Dan ranking has nothing to do with your strength. Shindo is only a 1 dan now, but nobody should underestimate him! ''[Storms off]''
:'''Man''': Those two were fighting earlier, weren't they?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[Last line of the series]'' Sai, one day, you and I are going to play the Divine Move together.
==''2004 New Year Special''==
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, I'll get stronger... And I'll definitely play the divine move one day... The divine move that you've been seeking the whole time. Just wait, Sai!
== About ==
* I wanted to learn [[Go]], so I paid a go school and started to attend classes once a week with a pro. He was mean, and never let the students win the teaching games. This was frustrating to me, because I was thinking "Why am I paying to lose all the time?" I wished that I had a guardian angel or a ghost that could help me beat him really bad. It was at that moment that [[w:Hikaru no Go|Hikaru no Go]] was born.
** [[Yumi Hotta]], [http://tigersmouth.org/articles.php?article_id=50 interview] at the International Go Symposium, 5 August 2012.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0426711 Hikaru no Go] at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://www.tv.com/shows/hikaru-no-go/ Hikaru no Go] at [[w:TV.com|TV.com]]
[[Category:Anime and manga series]]
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'''''[[w:Hikaru no Go|Hikaru no Go]]''''' is a [[w:coming of age|coming of age]] [[w:manga|manga]] series written by [[Yumi Hotta]] and illustrated by [[w:Takeshi Obata|Takeshi Obata]], which was also adapted into a 2001-2003 [[w:anime|anime]]. It centers on a boy named Hikaru who becomes an outstanding [[Go (game)|Go]] player with the help of a ghost inhabiting his mind.
== Season 1 ==
=== ''Eternal Rivals'' [1.01] ===
:'''Sai''': To the gods I offer my gratitude. For once again I can finally, I can finally return to this world.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': Who are you?
:'''Sai''': I am Fujiwara no Sai.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Through Hikaru, Sai makes a move]''
:'''Akira''': That's... that isn't the best move. It's not even a good move. He played it to see how I'd respond. It's like he's testing my strength. He's measuring my skill from a level far above mine.
=== ''The Key Point'' [1.02] ===
:'''Sai''': There was no [[w:Komi (Go)|such rule]] during [[w:Honinbo Shusaku|Shusaku]]'s time.
:'''Hikaru''': Hmm, it never crossed your mind that black might have an advantage?
:'''Sai''': Now that I think about it, I've never lost playing black.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': ''[referring to the television Hikaru's watching]'' Hikaru, what is this device? People are playing Go inside that little box.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': Hikaru!
:'''Hikaru''': Akira?
:'''Akira''': I found you. I finally found you, Hikaru Shindo!
=== ''Akira Bares His Fangs'' [1.03]===
:'''Hikaru''': I saw kids in there even younger than me. And they were all so intense. It was really kinda cool.
:'''Akira''': Kinda cool? Haven't you ever felt the intensity of the game before?
:'''Hikaru''': Intensity?
:'''Akira''': Can I take a look at your hand?
:'''Hikaru''': My hand?
:'''Akira''': His fingernail isn't worn down or anything. It doesn't look like the hand of a Go player.
:'''Hikaru''': What are you doing?
:'''Akira''': Uh sorry. Are you going to become a pro?
:'''Hikaru''': Pro? Me, a pro? I've never even thought it. Uh, are you gonna become a pro, Akira?
:'''Akira''': Of course I am.
:'''Hikaru''': Well if that's what you want to do. Say, do professional Go players make a lot of money?
:'''Akira''': The winner of the [[w:Meijin|Meijin]] title gets ¥36,000,000. The [[w:Kisei|Kisei]] title has a prize of ¥42,000,000.
:'''Hikaru''': Uh, how many Go titles are there? And how much money do you get if you can win them all?
:'''Akira''': There are 8 titles in all, so your total winnings could reach about ¥180,000,000.
:'''Hikaru''': ¥180,000,000?
=== ''Kaga of the Shogi Club'' [1.04] ===
:'''Hikaru''': ''[to Sai]'' You went too far! You took control of my body, didn't you?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akari''': I just came from your house and you weren't there. What have you been doing all this time?
:'''Hikaru''': I've been playing Go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': Look, I want that book, so give me the hardest one you've got.
:'''Kimihiro Tsutsui''': Whoa, you want the hardest one in the book? OK then. If you can solve this one, you're at Akira Toya's level.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': Go's a game for losers. That's what I think of Akira Toya too. Know why? Cuz I've already beaten him at Go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[to Kaga]'' You probably started playing [[w:Shogi|Shogi]] after you ran away from Go!
=== ''An Inkling of an Awakening'' [1.05] ===
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, where were you? Why didn't you say anything? You could've at least told me about the clock. I looked like a fool.
:'''Sai''': Regrettably we did not have such things in Shusaku's time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': ''[after Hikaru makes another bad move]'' Listen, stop messing around.
:'''Hikaru''': But I'm enjoying myself.
:'''Kaga''': You aren't realizing your true potential and you know it. Did you just come here to have fun or what?
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah, to have fun.
:'''Kaga''': What?
:'''Hikaru''': Look at this. There, you see? There are nine star points on the Go board. Just think about that for a moment. It's like a universe. And with each move, with each stone, I'm adding stars one at a time. The sky is at my fingertips. It's as if I were a master builder. Do you see where I'm getting at? I get to do it. I get to design my own universe on this Go board.
=== ''A Game Of Beauty'' [1.06] ===
:'''Sai''': Sometimes Hikaru has an amazing instinct which guides his potential. But just as often his immaturity causes him to play impulsive, disappointing moves.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': We will summon our collective will and win. Wipe the tears from your eyes and focus your mind.
=== ''I'm Not Going to Play You!'' [1.07] ===
:'''Akira''': Why is a player with your ability wasting his time in a middle school Go club? You're never at the Go Salon these days and I'm always down there. I have to be honest. It doesn't matter who I play against anymore. Every minute of every game you're always in the back of my mind tormenting me. I just keep wondering to myself, how would Hikaru counter this play? What would Hikaru do? Well, it's your move.
:'''Hikaru''': No way. I'm not gonna compete with you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akari''': It's not my fault you lost the game!
:'''Hikaru''': Don't you ever stop talking?
=== ''Rainy Day Strategy'' [1.08] ===
:'''Akira''': It isn't him, it's me. I'm the one who's scared. I'm the one who's running back. If that's your plan, then i'm going to do the same thing.
=== ''Eyesore'' [1.09] ===
:'''Akira''': Look at all these old magazines and game diagrams. Some of this material dates back to the early Showa period. This book is so old!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': If I am the best, then I should be able to beat you with my eyes closed. I'm going to accept your challenge. Call your first move.
===''The Third Player'' [1.10]===
===''A Very Despicable Act'' [1.11]===
===''No Cheating Allowed'' [1.12]===
=== ''A Personal Resolve'' [1.13] ===
:'''Hikaru''': ''[referring to his next match with Akira Toya]'' Sai, you should play him.
:'''Sai''': Are you sure? You were so eager to play in this tournament.
:'''Hikaru''': He's all yours. Good luck.
=== ''The Third Match'' [1.14] ===
:'''Akira''': I used to think that you were capable of the Divine Move. I was wrong.
===''The Ghost in the Net'' [1.15]===
===''Who Is Sai?'' [1.16]===
=== ''Déjà Vu'' [1.17] ===
:'''Hikaru''': Look, it's Zelda! This guy's Japanese! And I think he might even be a kid.
:'''Sai''': Is he skilled?
:'''Waya''': Who's this Sai?
:'''Hikaru''': Well what do you think? Is this guy any good?
:'''Sai''': He's strong. Strong as any I've faced.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Waya''': The whole world is looking for Sai and nobody can find him.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lee''': I am Rinshin Lee from China. I played Sai once but had to resign and lost.
:'''Ogata''': Really? He must be a pro.
:'''Lee''': I don't believe so. Sai is always online, and will play against almost anyone. Do you think a pro would really have that much free time?
:'''Ogata''': No.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': So far, this game is exactly like our previous match.
:'''Hikaru''': Previous match? It must be him!
:'''Sai''': I agree. He's mirrored his opening moves from our second game. Do you remember that day? I struck him down with a single move.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': ''[realizing Hikaru is Sai]'' It can't be...
=== ''Akira vs. Sai'' [1.18] ===
:'''Akira''': I should've cut him off when I had the chance. Now he's able to control the center and the left side. My stones in the center are already dead. There's nothing I can do. The game is over.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': ''[rushing to expose Hikaru as Sai]'' I hope he's still there. Is it him? Hikaru! Are you Sai?
=== ''Hikaru's True Strength'' [1.19] ===
:'''Hikaru''': If you're giving up you're supposed to say "I resign".
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I'm a lot stronger than you'll ever be! You shouldn't let one little compliment go to your head!
:'''Hikaru''': [[w:Go handicaps|Handicap]] or no handicap, I just won the last game.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': Now we can practice whenever we want to. This is gonna be awesome!
:'''Sai''': We have to play the game right now!
=== ''The Road to Turning Pro'' [1.20] ===
:'''Hikaru''': So are you going to tell me why I'm here?
:'''Kishimoto''': I want to see how strong you really are.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kishimoto''': You better start chasing after him. Toya's getting farther and farther away from you. He officially becomes a pro next spring and he's sure to advance faster than anyone else. If you wait until then it'll be too late. If you don't put your all into it right now, you'll never catch up to him.
=== ''The Haze Middle School Go Club'' [1.21] ===
:'''Kimihiro Tsutsui''': Hikaru just told us that he's going to be taking the [[w:Go apprentice|Insei]] exam.
:'''Kaga''': Well I'm impressed. The Insei test is tough but you gotta go for it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': You decided to go after Akira huh? He won't be easy to catch so you can't let anything distract you. You do know that right?
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah I guess.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': Think you can predict who's gonna win this match?
:'''Hikaru''': You are.
:'''Kaga''': Good for you kid. You've figured out how to count as you play now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kaga''': It's like I said, playing a simultaneous game is a whole lot different from playing a regular game.
:'''Hikaru''': Am I really good enough to pass the Insei test?
:'''Kaga''': Even I couldn't answer that question.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I hope you fail that dumb test.
:'''Kaga''': ''[hits him]'' You're such a baby! When is your whining ever gonna stop?
=== ''The Insei Test'' [1.22] ===
:'''Hikaru's Test Instructor''': Is it true that no one has been teaching you?
:'''Hikaru''': Uh well no sir. ''[To self]'' Actually I do have a teacher, and he follows me around like a dog.
:'''Sai''': What?! Did you just call me a dog?
===''The Championship Room'' [1.23]===
=== ''Akira vs. The Oza'' [1.24] ===
:'''Sai''': A total of four times now.
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah, but we've never seen him play anyone else. And now he's playing the Oza! And I'm stuck here!
:'''Sai''': Hikaru, Hikaru! Why don't you let me play this game for you? I'll finish it off as quickly as I can so we can go and watch Akira's match.
:'''Hikaru''': Don't be silly.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[watching a replay of Akira playing a throw in]'' Whoa! He played there?
:'''Waya''': Yeah. Then white captured instead of cutting. The Oza's not taking any chances in this game. He's being real cautious.
===''Fear and Impatience'' [1.25]===
===''Welcome to the A-League'' [1.26]===
===''A Place to Return'' [1.27]===
=== ''The Young Lion's Tournament'' [1.28] ===
:'''Hikaru''': I remember sensei being impressed with how I played 3 games at once. Maybe I play better this fast. Whoa, I won by a half a point! That's 2 wins in a row now.
:'''Fuku''': No need to rub it in.
:'''Hikaru''': Sorry.
:''[Later]''
:'''Waya''': I resign.
:'''Sai''': You did it, Hikaru.
:'''Hikaru''': That's 3 straight wins. It was great. I thought I was on my way. But then I lost game after game and started to wonder if I was getting worse, not better.
===''Kuwabara Hon'inbo'' [1.29]===
=== ''Ogata vs. The Hon'inbo'' [1.30] ===
:'''Kuwabara''': Did you get a good night's sleep? You well rested? ''[Ogata glares at him]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ogata''': ''[to Kuwabara]'' Time for the new generation to take its place.
== Season 2 ==
===''The Awful Opponent'' [2.01]===
===''The Last Day of the Prelims'' [2.02]===
=== ''We're a Team'' [2.03] ===
:'''Waya''': You mean to tell me you've never played against adults in a Go salon?
:'''Hikaru''': Not really. I mean I've been to a Go salon, but I kinda just watched.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Waya''': Then it'll be like a team competition. You know, us against them.
:'''Isumi''': Team competition?
:'''Waya''': It'll be way more fun than us playing separately.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': It's been a while since I've been in a team competition. I always seem to be number 3, in the Go club...
===''No Winning Allowed'' [2.04]===
===''Only One can Win'' [2.05]===
===''My Name Is...'' [2.06]===
:''[Everyone realizes the supposedly bad move Hikaru made earlier was part of a long term strategy]''
:'''Suyong''': I thought that move of his was a mistake, but now it's put him in a great position.
:'''Isumi''': That move Shindo made earlier wasn't a mistake at all. He was anticipating a battle for the upper left corner.
:'''Yun''': He was fully aware he was going to lose ground in the middle of the board. But now all of a sudden, Shindo has the advantage.
===''The Pro Exam Begins'' [2.07]===
===''The Challengers'' [2.08]===
===''An Ill-Fated Moment'' [2.09]===
:'''Isumi''': I have to keep playing the same way I always do. Try to ignore them. I'm playing Shindo now, so forget about Toya and Suyong! ''[accidentally plays his stone in the wrong spot]'' I went to [[w:List of Go terms#Atari|atari]] from the wrong side.
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, did he just move a stone? Sai, did you see it? Changing your mind after your fingers have left the stone means you have to forfeit the match.
===''Where are the Victories?'' [2.10]===
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, did Isumi take his fingers off the stone before he moved it?
:'''Sai''': It did look as though that's what happened, but I can't say for sure. If he did move the stone he should be disqualified immediately. Hikaru?
:'''Hikaru''': He hasn't said anything. Is it because he didn't actually let go of the stone? Or is it because... no, we wouldn't. I have to know if his hand came off the stone or not. Do you think it'd be OK if I just ask him?
:'''Sai''': You are not really going to confront him, are you? Hikaru!
:'''Hikaru''': Isumi's still undefeated. I've got one loss, and only three of us can become pros.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': Hikaru, just be careful that you don't-
:'''Hikaru''': Isu...
:'''Isumi''': I'm resigning. ''[leaves]''
:'''Hikaru''': He knows he cheated, so he resigned. At least I won the game. This is a big win for me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': How did he win? Isumi was in total control of the game. What happened?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': The reason I lost my match today was all because of Isumi! How could he do that to me? He completely ruined my concentration. He ruined everything!
:'''Sai''': Hikaru, Hikaru!
:'''Hikaru''': I had given up. I could have won!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': Too bad. I was kind of disappointed. You were my biggest hurdle to getting through this exam undefeated, but not anymore. You haven't even recovered from that game against Shindo, have you? I don't know why I ever thought of you as a serious threat. My goal of staying undefeated is much easier now. Thanks to you-
:'''Isumi''': Ochi. Shut your mouth.
=== ''Three Weeks Isn't Enough!'' [2.11] ===
:'''Ochi''': He's managed to invade this deep already? If he does any more damage, I'm gonna lose territory. I'm not gonna let him take control that easily. He'll see.
:'''Isumi''': I've always known what a strong player Ochi is, but I never once thought he could beat me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Isumi''': Thank you, Ochi. You helped me refocus on my game.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': If this match shows the kind of level that Shindo's playing at right now, then 3 weeks won't be enough! It won't be enough time!
:'''Akira''': I think you've got plenty of time, especially now that I'm here to work with you.
=== ''The First to Pass'' [2.12] ===
=== ''Hikaru vs. Waya'' [2.13] ===
:'''Waya''': If his stone stays there, he'll win. But if I eliminate it then I win, and I finally pass the pro exam.
:'''Hikaru''': Can I do it? Can I stay alive?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': ''[referring to Hikaru]'' I can't believe that he once hesitated because he feared my moves.
===''Comeback from the Brink'' [2.14]===
:''[Hikaru has miraculously made his dead stones live]''
:'''Waya''': How could I have missed it? Can he come back from here? No! It's impossible!
===''Hikaru vs. Ochi'' [2.15]===
:'''Ochi''': No. That's not right. This isn't a simple counterattack. There's some hidden strategy behind it.
===''The Final Day of the Pro Exam'' [2.16]===
:''[Hikaru has just played a good comeback move]''
:'''Ochi''': No! How... how could I have missed that? Shindo's stones!
===''Into the World of the Pros'' [2.17]===
===''Sai vs. Meijin'' [2.18]===
===''A Game of Desperate Measures'' [2.19]===
:'''Sai''': 13-14. A cap.
:'''Hikaru''': A cap move?
:''[He makes the move, shocking everyone]''
:'''Akira''': What's Shindo doing? I can't believe he started his attack! It's so early in the game!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': I think he must have realized that we put our own handicap on the game. And it sounds like he somehow knew Sai was playing through me.
:'''Toya Meijin''': As we played, I could sense an intensity from you which is normally only found in veterans of the game. Next time we play, let's make it an even game.
:'''Sai''': Yes. Next time.
===''Fujiwara-No-Sai'' [2.20]===
===''Kurata 6-Dan'' [2.21]===
===''Hikaru vs. Akira'' [2.22]===
===''The Acknowledgment of Sai'' [2.23]===
===''The Excitement Mounts'' [2.24]===
===''Sai vs. Koyo Toya'' [2.25]===
:'''Toya Meijin''': Now you'll see what my game is. The Meijin, a true master of Go. I will not fall back. I will win this game. And you will tell me your name.
===''After a Millennium Comes the Answer!'' [2.26]===
:'''Toya Meijin''': We're approaching the final part of the endgame. By my calculations, if we play through to the end, I'm going to lose the game by half a point. Unlike the battle that preceded it, the endgame is just a one way path. The moves are still complex. But barring any careless mistakes, there's only one correct path to follow. This opponent will not make a mistake. He already knows how the game will end, and so do I. ''[resigns the game, shocking the world]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sai''': The reason my spirit has endured for a millennium is so I could show Hikaru this one game and guide him toward the divine move.
===''Let Me Play Sai!'' [2.27]===
===''One-Color Go'' [2.28]===
===''Koyo Toya Retires!'' [2.29]===
===''Farewell Hikaru'' [2.30]===
== Season 3 ==
===''Is Sai Really Gone?'' [3.01]===
===''Hiroshima's Top Player'' [3.02]===
=== ''I'm Never Gonna Play Again!'' [3.03] ===
:''[Hikaru running away with Akira chasing him]''
:'''Akira''': Shindo, wait! Have you forgotten why you became a pro in the first place?
:'''Hikaru''': ''[thinking while running]'' Why did you have to leave me, Sai? Why?
:'''Akira''': You became a pro so you could play me! Hey, Shindo! Shindo.
:'''Hikaru''': ''[yelling]'' SAI...
===''Keicho Flower Bowls'' [3.04]===
===''Isumi no Go'' [3.05]===
=== ''Fateful Encounter'' [3.06] ===
:'''Ms. Ichikawa''': It must be tough knowing there aren't any kids who are as good as he is.
:'''Akira''': I don't care about a rival as long as I can play. Anyway, when I get older people like Mr. Ogata and my father are gonna be my rivals.
===''Isumi's Test'' [3.07]===
=== ''Losing by Default'' [3.08] ===
:'''Akari''': I think you owe me an explanation.
:'''Hikaru''': Go Weekly? Since when have you been reading that?
:'''Akari''': Since Koike gave it to me. There's something here I don't understand. You know they do a list of all the results of the professional Go games? By your name it says lost by default.
:'''Hikaru''': I told you I wasn't playing anymore, didn't I?
:'''Akari''': What? You were talking about playing me, weren't you? You thought I wasn't good enough for you now you're a pro! ''[Hikaru remains silent]'' You're serious about this, aren't you? Are you going to quit being a pro?
:'''Hikaru''': If Sai never comes back... I'm thinking about it.
:'''Yuki Mitani''': You selfish jerk.
:'''Akari''': Oh no. Mitani.
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I don't know what the heck is going on with you Shindo, but you left the Go club so you could become a pro.
:'''Akari''': You're not gonna be a pro, what are you going to do?
:'''Hikaru''': Entrance exams are coming up soon and I need to study for them. Akari, what are you doing after school today? You gonna study with me>
:'''Yuki Mitani''': She doesn't have the time to study with you. We gotta practice for a tournament!
:'''Hikaru''': Another tournament.
:'''Yuki Mitani''': Oh so it's just another tournament, huh? Who do you think you are? Have you forgotten how much you wanted to beat Kaio when you were part of the Go club? Back then it was more than just another tournament!
:'''Hikaru''': Mitani...
:'''Yuki Mitani''': I'm going to play in this next tournament. Natsume, Koike, and I are going to challenge Kaio.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ochi''': He asked Shindo if he was missing games because he was sick and offered the chance to take a leave of absence, but he didn't even bother to reply.
:'''Waya''': What an idiot.
:'''Ochi''': Think he'll quit being a pro?
:'''Waya''': I dunno.
:'''Ochi''': Looking at him now, it's hard to believe he was Toya's rival.
:'''Waya''': Having talent is a waste of time if you don't put it into practice.
=== ''A Determined Visitor'' [3.09] ===
:'''Waya''': Isumi! You don't look any different. I figured since you were spending all your time training, you'd have grown a beard or something. I was surprised when you called. So how was China? What was it like? What's wrong?
:'''Isumi''': Well if it isn't Le Ping! You've grown up fast.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Isumi''': Yeah so after that, Le Ping followed me around, wanting to play against me all the time. I guess it was good he was working on his game, but I didn't get much time for myself.
:'''Waya''': He was a pest huh?
:'''Isumi''': I know he's just a kid, but he's really a strong player. In the end I enjoyed hanging out with him. He sort of became my best friend. once I gave him some Waya medicine.
:'''Waya''': Gave him what?
:'''Isumi''': You know that special medicine you take whenever you get a stomachache? Well one day Le Ping had a stomachache so I gave him some. I figured he looks exactly like you, so it was bound to work.
:'''Waya''': What kind of dumb logic is that?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Isumi''': I've been wondering what happened. Is he sick? I mean, I want to see him again before I get started in the pro exams, but I- what is it, Waya?
:'''Waya''': This isn't the first time it's happened. He's lost more than once by default. He's lost a lot. It's been like this since May. Careful. I don't know why, but he's completely lost interest in playing Go.
=== ''Sai was Here...'' [3.10] ===
:'''Isumi''': Look Shindo, we are going to play. I don't want to play because I'm worried about you. I need this. I need you to play me one more game. This is why I came to see you today.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kuwabara''': Listen Shindo. If you're looking for your rival, he's on the 5th floor.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': I'm going to keep on this path forever! I had to tell you. That's why I'm here.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kuwabara''': It takes not one, but two people to play a game of Go.
:'''Sakamaki''': Of course I know that. Everyone does. It's obvious.
:'''Kuwabara''': No.
:''[...]''
:'''Kuwabara''': You can't play Go by yourself, oh no.
:''[...]''
:'''Sakamaki''': Didn't you hear me? I already said I know that.
:'''Kuwabara''': Yes but you're not really listening. A truly great game will never happen with only one great player.
:''[...]''
:'''Kuwabara''': You see Mr. Sakamaki, You have to have two players of equal genius. Two. And when these two come together, anything is possible. Even the divine move.
=== ''Making a Comeback'' [3.11] ===
:'''Akari''': The Haze Go club is changing and so are we. Even Hikaru, who decided to quit playing as a pro, has started up again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': The match is set. We're going to face each other once again.
=== ''The Race is On'' [3.12] ===
:'''Amano''': I get a sense that there's a momentous change on the way, don't you? Something's about to happen in the world of Go.
=== ''Shindo vs. Toya'' [3.13] ===
:'''Hikaru''': I'm here for my study session with Morishita-sensei.
:'''Kurata''': I just saw the pairings for the Meijin tournament qualifiers. Your first match is against Akira Toya!
:'''Hikaru''': Yeah. And you know what? It's all thanks to you.
:'''Kurata''': Thanks to me? How?
:'''Hikaru''': The only reason he has to play in all the qualifying rounds this year is because you managed to beat him last year. He's made it to the finals in every other tournament, but not the Meijin. It seems like he doesn't want to come down to my level or something.
:'''Kurata''': ''[laughing]'' Well, what do you expect? He is Akira Toya after all.
:'''Hikaru''': I know, but he's so busy playing in other tournaments, our game hasn't even been scheduled yet. I should get going.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[thinking about Akira]'' I know that you've always wanted to play against Sai, but he isn't here anymore. Except he is in my game. He's in every one of my moves. But I can't expect you to understand that. I'll make myself strong enough to beat you! I'm gonna play at your level now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akari''': You must get really nervous the day before a big game.
:'''Hikaru''': What do you mean?
:'''Akari''': I don't know. You've just got this serious look on your face.
:'''Hikaru''': This match against Toya is a big one, so maybe I'm a little bit nervous.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': I've noticed a change in you too.
:'''Akari''': Really? You mean it? So tell me. How do you think I've changed?
:'''Hikaru''': Hmm... You've gotten shorter.
:'''Akari''': ''[angry]'' I haven't gotten shorter! You're taller!
=== ''The Power Within'' [3.14] ===
:'''Hikaru''': We finally get to play each other again.
:'''Akira''': The last time the two of us played was in a school Go club tournament. Two years and four months ago.
:'''Hikaru''': It's been a long time since then.
:'''Akira''': I know. It's been too long.
:'''Hikaru''': Now it's your chance to see how strong I've become.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Amano''': We All know of Akira Toya. But there's also Shindo. And Ochi. And with Waya and the others filling in the ranks, there's bound to be a huge burst of energy into the world of Go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': Sai. When we were playing this morning, I thought of Sai from the internet.
:'''Hikaru''': I'm sorry I'm not Sai, but I wish I was.
:'''Akira''': It is you.
:'''Hikaru''': What do you mean?
:'''Akira''': He's a part of you. There's another side to you. Another player. And the Hikaru Shindo I played when we first met, that was Sai.
:'''Hikaru''': Toya. Toya listen-
:'''Akira''': There's someone else within you.
=== ''A Nostalgic Smile'' [3.15] ===
[[File:Japanese Fan (Hakusen).png|thumb|Sai, one day, you and I are going to play the Divine Move together.]]
:'''Hikaru''': Toya can see Sai. Until now, I was the only one who knew who he was. Sai, Toya has found you. He found you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Akira''': There's something you're not telling me. What is it?
:'''Hikaru''': Look, never mind. Forget it. Anyway, you're the one who told me my life was about playing Go and you're OK with that.
:'''Akira''': Well yeah I did say that but-
:'''Hikaru''': Then that's it. End of story.
:'''Akira''': Then why did you say you'd tell me one day?!
:'''Hikaru''': I didn't. I said maybe like way off in the future, dummy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[to Sai]'' What were you feeling when you left me? Was everything OK? Were you upset about something? Or were you smiling when you left? I hope everything was OK.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hikaru storms out after a fight with Akira]''
:'''Man''': You say he only became a pro last year and he thinks he's a match for Toya? That kid's got some nerve if he thinks he can challenge someone who's made it to the [[w:Honinbo (competition)|Honinbo]] league already.
:'''Akira''': ''[angrily]'' Why is that so weird? I'm only a 3 dan! No matter how strong you are, everyone has to start off as a 1 dan. And you can only move up the rankings one level at a time. Your Dan ranking has nothing to do with your strength. Shindo is only a 1 dan now, but nobody should underestimate him! ''[Storms off]''
:'''Man''': Those two were fighting earlier, weren't they?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hikaru''': ''[Last line of the series]'' Sai, one day, you and I are going to play the Divine Move together.
==''2004 New Year Special''==
:'''Hikaru''': Sai, I'll get stronger... And I'll definitely play the divine move one day... The divine move that you've been seeking the whole time. Just wait, Sai!
== About ==
* I wanted to learn [[Go]], so I paid a go school and started to attend classes once a week with a pro. He was mean, and never let the students win the teaching games. This was frustrating to me, because I was thinking "Why am I paying to lose all the time?" I wished that I had a guardian angel or a ghost that could help me beat him really bad. It was at that moment that [[w:Hikaru no Go|Hikaru no Go]] was born.
** [[Yumi Hotta]], [http://tigersmouth.org/articles.php?article_id=50 interview] at the International Go Symposium, 5 August 2012.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0426711 Hikaru no Go] at the [[w:Internet Movie Database|Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://www.tv.com/shows/hikaru-no-go/ Hikaru no Go] at [[w:TV.com|TV.com]]
[[Category:Anime and manga series]]
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[[File:Typical agricultural landscape of Kherson Oblast.jpg|thumb|''Ukraina'' is literally translated as “on the edge” or “borderland”, and that is exactly what it is. Flat, fertile, and fatally tempting to invaders —[[Anna Reid]]]]
'''[[w:Ukraine|Ukraine]]''' ([[w:Ukrainian|Ukrainian]]: ''Україна'') is a country in [[w:Eastern Europe|Eastern]] [[Europe]]. Ukraine borders the [[Russian Federation]] to the east and northeast, [[Belarus]] to the northwest, [[Poland]], [[w:Slovakia|Slovakia]] and [[w:Hungary|Hungary]] to the west, [[Romania]] and [[w:Moldova|Moldova]] to the southwest, and the [[w:Black Sea|Black Sea]] and [[w:Sea of Azov|Sea of Azov]] to the south and southeast, respectively. It has an area of 603,628 km<sup>2</sup> (233,062 sq mi), making it the largest country entirely within the [[Europe]]an subcontinent.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
==A==
* In carrying out the [[w:Declaration on State Sovereignty of Ukraine|Declaration on State Sovereignty of Ukraine]], the [[w:Verkhovna Rada|Verkhovna Rada]] of the [[w:Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic|Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic]] solemnly proclaims the independence of Ukraine and the creation of an independent Ukrainian state - ''Ukraine''.<br/>The territory of Ukraine is indivisible and inviolable.<br/>From now on in Ukraine only the [[w:Constitution_of_Ukraine|Constitution]] and laws of Ukraine are in force.<br/>This act takes effect from the moment of its approval.
:* Original: здійснюючи Декларацію про державний суверенітет України, Верховна Рада Української Радянської Соціалістичної Республіки урочисто проголошує<br/>незалежність України та створення самостійної Української держави — України.<br/>Територія України є неподільною і недоторканною.<br/>Віднині на території України мають чинність виключно Конституція і закони України.<br/>Цей акт набирає чинності з моменту його схвалення.
:*[[w:Declaration of Independence of Ukraine|''Act of Declaration of Independence of Ukraine'']] (1991). [http://enciclopedia.us.es/index.php/Documento:Acta_de_Declaraci%C3%B3n_de_Independencia_de_Ucrania_(1991) Text of the act].
[[File:Lemberg 1915 Mariyska.jpg|thumb|On Saturdays [[Judaism|Jews]] are strolling along all the streets, and no one pays attention. And such people who live in Lviv! Pure [[gold]]! ~ [[w:Sholem Aleichem|Sholem Aleichem]] "Lviv" (1906)]]
* "The city of [[w:Lviv|Lviv]] offers a picture of order,<br />breadth, and beauty! A sight to feast the eye...<br />In the [[heart]] of the city there unfolds a park<br />where everyone is allowed to walk,<br />even goats. The land of freedom!<br />On Saturdays [[Judaism|Jews]] are strolling<br />along all the streets, and no one<br />pays attention. And such people<br />who live in Lviv! Pure [[gold]]!"
** [[w:Sholem Aleichem|Sholem Aleichem]], "Lviv" (1906) in [https://ukrainianjewishencounter.org/en/sholem-aleichems-creative-encounters-lviv-commemoration-100th-anniversary-departure-eternity/ "Sholem Aleichem’s Creative Encounters in Lviv (In Commemoration of the 100th Anniversary of his Departure into Eternity)" ''Ukrainian Jewish Encounter'' (2017)]
* The archival record backs up the testimony of the survivors. Neither crop failure nor bad weather caused the [[w:Holodomor|famine]] in Ukraine. Although the chaos of collectivization helped create the conditions that led to famine, the high numbers of deaths in Ukraine between 1932 and 1934, and especially the spike in the spring of 1933, were not caused directly by [[w:Collectivization_in_the_Ukrainian_Soviet_Socialist_Republic|collectivization]] either. [[Starvation]] was the result, rather, of the forcible removal of [[food]] from people’s homes; the roadblocks that prevented peasants from seeking work or food; the harsh rules of the blacklists imposed on [[farm]]s and villages; the restrictions on barter and trade; and the vicious [[propaganda]] campaign designed to persuade Ukrainians to watch, unmoved, as their neighbours died of hunger.
** [[Anne Applebaum]] in ''Red Famine: Stalin’s War on Ukraine'' (2017) quoted at [https://huri.harvard.edu/news/ukraine-flames-1917-revolution "Ukraine in the Flames of the 1917 Revolution" (Harvard Ukrainian Research Institute, September 13, 2017)]
==B==
* Ukraine, the [[Russia|Russian Federation]], the [[United Kingdom|United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland]], and the [[United States|United States of America]],
: Welcoming the Accession of Ukraine to the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons as a non-nuclear-weapon state,
: Taking into account the commitment of Ukraine to eliminate all [[nuclear weapons]] from its territory within a specified period of time,
: Noting the changes in the world-wide security situation, including the end of the [[Cold War]], which have brought about conditions for deep reductions in nuclear forces,
: Confirm the following:
:: 1. The [[Russia|Russian Federation]], the [[United Kingdom|United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland]], and The [[United States|United States of America]] reaffirm their commitment to Ukraine, in accordance with the principles of the [[w:Helsinki Accords|CSCE Final Act]], to respect the [[independence]] and [[sovereignty]] and the existing borders of Ukraine.
:: 2. The Russian Federation, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and The United States of America reaffirm their obligation to refrain from the threat or use of force against the territorial integrity or political independence of Ukraine, and that none of their weapons will ever be used against Ukraine except in self-defense or otherwise in accordance with the Charter of the United Nations...
:* [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Ukraine._Memorandum_on_Security_Assurances "Budapest Memorandum" signed December 5, 1994]]
==C==
[[File:Kyiv, Euro Maidan 2013 (11278551503).jpg|thumb|Ukraine's [[freedom]] is still alive, and so also is [[liberty]] ~ [[w:Pavlo Chubynsky|Pavlo Chubynsky]]]]
* ''Ще не вмерла України і слава, і воля, <br /> Ще нам, браття молодії, усміхнеться доля. <br /> Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці. <br /> Запануєм і ми, браття, у своїй сторонці.
** The [[glory]] of Ukraine has not yet perished, nor the [[will]]. <br /> Still upon us, young brothers, [[fate]] shall smile. <br /> Our enemies shall vanish, like dew in the sun. <br /> We too shall [[rule]], brothers, our [[country]].''
*** ''[[w:State Anthem of Ukraine|State Anthem of Ukraine]]'' (2003); based upon the lyrics of "Ukraine Has Not Yet Perished" (1862) by [[w:Pavlo Chubynsky|Pavlo Chubynsky]].
** Variants:
: Ukraine's [[freedom]] is still alive, and so also is [[liberty]],
: And fortune will smile on us, young [[siblings|brothers]].
: All our [[enemies]] will die like dew in [[sun]].
: And at last we will be rulers of our [[home]]s.
:
: We'll devote our souls and bodies to our [[free will]],
: And we will prove that we are all of [[w:Cossack|Cossack]] origin.
:* [[s:Translation:Ukraine_is_not_dead|As translated from Ukrainian at Wikisource]]
==D==
* This ignorance of Ukraine has always been aggravating, but no one regarded it as a [[national security]] threat until the start of the [[Prelude to the Russian invasion of Ukraine|Kremlin’s hybrid war against Ukraine]]. All that changed when “[[w:Little green men (Russo-Ukrainian War)|little green men]]” began appearing in [[w:Crimea|Crimea]] and [[w:Eastern Ukraine|eastern Ukraine]]. It soon became clear that [[disinformation]] would play a key role in the Kremlin’s hybrid war, with Russia’s information offensive relying heavily on outside ignorance of Ukraine. Ukrainians watched in horror as the country’s complex relationship with its [[w:Tsarist Russia|Tsarist]] and [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] past was reduced to the tribal binary of [[Russian language|Russian]]-speakers versus [[w:Ukrainian language|Ukrainian]]-speakers. Ukraine was depicted as a [[Fascism|fascist]] [[w:military_dictatorship|junta]], a [[Nazism|Nazi]] [[dictatorship]], and a [[w:Failed state|failed state]]. These nightmarish visions gained remarkable levels of traction in the international media, largely because Ukraine was such an unknown quantity.
** Vladislav Davidzon and Peter Dickinson, [https://www.atlanticcouncil.org/blogs/ukrainealert/revealing-europe-s-best-kept-secret/ "Revealing Europe’s Best-Kept Secret" (March 13, 2016)]
* How many people in Europe or North America know that Kyiv is the largest Russian-speaking city in the world outside of Russia? How many are aware that Ukraine has been one of [[Europe]]’s most multicultural communities for centuries?
** Vladislav Davidzon and Peter Dickinson, [https://www.atlanticcouncil.org/blogs/ukrainealert/revealing-europe-s-best-kept-secret/ "Revealing Europe’s Best-Kept Secret" (March 13, 2016)]
==F==
* Perhaps the most remarkable case of all is that of the Ukrainians. Indeed, it is not too much to say that the man-made [[famine]] caused by [[collectivization]] in the Ukraine was [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]]'s brutal answer to what he regarded as the 'Ukrainian question'. A backlash against the relative autonomy of the Ukraine had begun as early as the spring of 1930. 'Keep in mind', Stalin had warned darkly in 1932, 'that in the Ukrainian Communist Party . . . there are not a few . . . rotten elements, conscious and subconcious Petlyurites' (supporters of the [[w:Ukrainian_nationalism|Ukrainian nationalist]] leader [[w:Simon_Petlyura|Simon Petlyura]]). To be sure, the effects of the 1932-3 famine were not confined to the Ukraine; [[Kazakhstan]], the northern Caucasus and the Volga region were also affected. Careful analysis, however, reveals that the victims of the famine were disproportionately Ukrainian. It is surely no coincidence that fewer than one in ten Ukrainians had voted for the [[Bolsheviks]] in the elections to the Constituent Assembly in 1917, whereas more than half had voted for Ukrainian parties.
** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), p. 216
* It was in fact one of the stated aims of collectivization to achieve 'the [[destruction]] of Ukrainian nationalism's social base - the individual land-holdings'. Collectivization was pushed further and faster there than in Russia. [[Grain]] quotas were deliberately stepped up even as production was falling. This explains why about half the victims of the famine were Ukrainians - nearly one in five of the total Ukrainian population. Nor did Stalin regard [[starvation]] as a sufficient solution to the problem of Ukrainian disloyalty. The composer [[Dmitri Shostakovich|Shostakovich]] recalled how itinerant Ukrainian folksingers were rounded up and shot. All of this was possible because the Ukraine was in effect being run as a Russian colony. Although [[Russians]] accounted for just 9 per cent of the republic's population, 79 per cent of the Ukrainian Party and 95 per cent of government officials were Russians or Russified.
** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), pp. 216-217
==I==
* Ukraine is recognized as the most threatened part of [[Russia]] in terms of secession and conquest. Ukrainian separatism is an artificial phenomenon, devoid of real grounds. It arose from the ambition of the leaders and the international intrigue of conquest.
** [[Wikipedia:Ivan Ilyin|Ivan Ilyin]], "Fundamentals of the struggle for national Russia" (Основы борьбы за национальную Россию), 1938.
* The 2014 “[[constitution]]” of the “[Donetsk People’s Republic]” – we refer here to [https://www.worldstatesmen.org/Donetsk-cons14.docx the original 2014 version]; it has been amended in [https://russian.rt.com/article/32204 subsequent published versions], probably also for [[propaganda]] purposes – [is the first constitution] in the world that makes fighting “cults” a constitutional principle. Article 21 of the 2014 “constitution” called for “the implementation of policies to protect the public from the activities of religious cults” (I explained at length in Bitter Winter why “секта” in Russian and similar words in other languages should be translated as “cult” and not as “sect.”) …What is happening in the pseudo-“Donetsk People’s Republic” and “Luhansk People’s Republic” is a perfect representation of the dystopic [[Russian Orthodox Church|Orthodox]] [[theocracy]] [[Putinism|Putin’s ideologists]] have in mind for a “Russian World” whose borders they continuously expand.
** [[Massimo Introvigne]], [https://bitterwinter.org/donetsk-and-luhansk-denying-religious-liberty/ "Donetsk and Luhansk: Pseudo-States Denying Religious Liberty"], ''Bitter Winter'' (February 23, 2022)
* Russian [[Anti-cult movement|anti-cultists]] continue to offer increasingly preposterous arguments to justify Putin’s crimes and horrors in Ukraine. “Cults” are de-humanized by their rhetoric, and by being “cultists” Ukrainians are something less than humans. The war is finally [described] as a giant collective deprogramming—and those who cannot be successfully deprogrammed are killed.
** [[Massimo Introvigne]], [https://bitterwinter.org/ukraine-in-itself-is-a-cult-a-new-absurd-claim-by-russian-propaganda/ "“Ukraine in Itself Is a Cult”: A New Absurd Claim by Russian Propaganda"], ''Bitter Winter'' (October 18, 2023)
==M==
[[File:Volodymyr Zelenskyy paid a visit to the wounded defenders of Ukraine undergoing treatment at a military hospital (51938543721).jpg|thumb|Equipping our [[Friendship|friends]] on the front lines to defend themselves is a far cheaper way – in both dollars and American lives – to degrade Russia’s ability to threaten the United States. ~ [[Mitch McConnell]]]]
[[File:Volodymyr Zelenskyy and Olaf Scholz Visited Wounded Ukrainian Warriors in Kyiv, Ukraine on 2 December 2024 - 26.jpg|thumb|Most of the money that’s been appropriated for Ukraine security assistance doesn’t actually go to Ukraine. It gets invested in American defense manufacturing. ~ [[Mitch McConnell]]]]
* Ukraine is an extraordinary country. Your strength lies in your extraordinary people whose skills, talents and resourcefulness in fields such as science, medicine and aviation are the envy of many. Your country in the decade of your independence has been a symbol of courage, Ukraine can stand tall and proud as you have freed yourself from communism and embraced a democratic free market system. The path to economic development is never easy or smooth but you have endeavoured to introduce reforms. Your economy is now growing and your determination to meet the challenges head-on has allowed you to enjoy the benefits of your forward looking policies.
** Malaysian Prime Minister [[Mahathir Mohamad]], [https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=1327] (14 July 2003)
* Many people seem to feel that the breakup of the [[Soviet Union]] was the end of the [[Cold War]]. That’s wrong. It had ended two years before that. And the [[Dissolution of the Soviet Union|breakup of the Soviet Union]] did not occur because of Western pressure; it occurred because of internal pressures within the Soviet Union. And it was something that [[George H. W. Bush|President Bush]] did not wish. As a matter of fact, one of his last speeches, when there was a Soviet Union, was in Kyiv, when he advised Ukrainians to join [[Gorbachev]]’s voluntary federation, that he was proposing, and actually warned against suicidal nationalism. Those words, you know, are not remembered much now. People seem to think that Ukraine is free because of the end of the Cold War and the pressure of the West as one of the fruits of victory in the Cold War. This is simply incorrect. It turns history upside down...
** [[Jack F. Matlock Jr.]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2022/2/17/jack_matlock_ukraine_russia_nato_us Ex-U.S. Ambassador to USSR: Ukraine Crisis Stems Directly from Post-Cold War Push to Expand NATO], [[W:Democracy Now!|''Democracy Now!'']], February 17, 2022
* Sending lethal western capabilities to the front lines has been a direct investment in America’s own security in a number of concrete ways.
:First, equipping our friends on the front lines to defend themselves is a far cheaper way – in both dollars and American lives – to degrade Russia’s ability to threaten the United States.
:Second, Ukraine’s effective defense of its territory is teaching us lessons about how to improve the defenses of partners who are threatened by China. It is no surprise that senior officials from Taiwan are so supportive of efforts to help Ukraine defeat Russia.
:Third, most of the money that’s been appropriated for Ukraine security assistance doesn’t actually go to Ukraine. It gets invested in American defense manufacturing. It funds new weapons and munitions for the U.S. armed forces to replace the older material we have provided to Ukraine.
:Let me be clear: this assistance means more jobs for American workers and newer weapons for American servicemembers.
:* U. S. Senator [[Mitch McConnell]]. Aid to Ukraine is an Investment in America’s Security. [https://www.republicanleader.senate.gov/newsroom/remarks/aid-to-ukraine-is-an-investment-in-americas-security June 12, 2023]
==N==
* Ukraine is showing [[Belarus]] an example of how one should fight for [[freedom]]. I am sure that our countries have a common future in [[Europe]], where neither Ukrainians nor Belarusians will die.
** Vladimir Neklyaev, a Belarusian opposition leader, quoted on ''CBS News'', [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/as-ukraine-protests-grow-slain-demonstrators-mourned/ "As Ukraine protests grow, slain demonstrators mourned"], January 26, 2014.
==P==
[[File:Flag of Ukraine.svg|thumb|In Ukraine you don't build a democracy; it already exists. You just defend it. ~ [[w:Petro Poroshenko|Petro Poroshenko]]]]
[[File:Waräger-Russen, Friedrich Kruse, 1859.jpg|thumb|The term “Rus’,” brought to the region by the Vikings [Varangians shown] in the ninth and tenth centuries, was adopted by the inhabitants of Kyivan Rus’ ~ [[Serhii Plokhy]] ]]
* The ancestors of modern Ukrainians lived in dozens of premodern and modern principalities, kingdoms, and empires, and in the course of time they took on various names and identities. The two key terms that they used to define their land were “Rus’” and “Ukraine.” (In the [[w:Cyrillic_alphabet|Cyrillic alphabet]], Rus’ is spelled Pycь: the last character is a soft sign indicating palatalized pronunciation of the preceding consonant.) '''The term “Rus’,” brought to the region by the [[w:Varangians|Vikings]] in the ninth and tenth centuries, was adopted by the inhabitants of [[w:Kyivan_Rus’|Kyivan Rus’]]''', who took the Viking princes and warriors into their fold and Slavicized them. The ancestors of today’s Ukrainians, Russians, and Belarusians adopted the name “Rus’” in forms that varied from the Scandinavian/Slavic “Rus’” to the Hellenized “Rossiia.” In the eighteenth century, Muscovy adopted the latter form as the official name of its state and empire.
** Historian [[Serhii Plokhy]] ''The Gates of Europe: A History of Ukraine'' (2015) p xxii
[[File:2 hryvnia 1992 front-small.jpg|thumb|Both Ukrainians and Russians claim Yaroslav the Wise as one of their eminent medieval rulers, and his image appears on the banknotes of both countries. The Ukrainian bill depicts Yaroslav with a Ukrainian-style moustache. ~ Serhii Plokhy [Ukrainian banknote shown]]]
[[File:Banknote 1000 rubles (1997) front.jpg|thumb|The Russian bill shows Yaroslav with a [[beard]] in the tradition of Ivan the Terrible and the Muscovite tsars of his era. ~ Serhii Plokhy]]
* '''Both Ukrainians and Russians claim [[w:Yaroslav the Wise|Yaroslav the Wise]] as one of their eminent [[Middle Ages|medieval]] rulers, and his image appears on the [[money|banknotes]] of both countries.''' The Ukrainian bill depicts Yaroslav with a Ukrainian-style moustache in the tradition of Prince Sviatoslav and the Ukrainian [[w:Cossacks|Cossacks]]. On the Russian note, we see a monument to him as the legendary founder of the Russian city of Yaroslavl, first mentioned in a chronicle seventeen years after his death. The Russian bill shows Yaroslav with a [[beard]] in the tradition of Ivan the Terrible and the Muscovite tsars of his era.
** Historian [[Serhii Plokhy]] ''The Gates of Europe: A History of Ukraine'' (2015) p 42
* [[w:Levko Lukianenko|Lukianenko]]’s declaration referred to the thousand-year history of Ukrainian statehood, meaning the tradition established by [[w:Kievan Rus'|Kyivan Rus’]]. His declaration was in fact the fourth attempt to proclaim Ukrainian independence in the twentieth century: the first occurred in 1918 in [[w:Kyiv|Kyiv]] and then in [[w:Lviv|Lviv]], the second in 1939 in [[w:Carpatho-Ukraine|Transcarpathia]], and the third in 1941 in Lviv. All those attempts had been made in [[war|wartime]], and all had come to grief. Would this one be different? The next three months would tell. A popular referendum scheduled for December 1, 1991, the same day as the previously scheduled election of Ukraine’s first president, would confirm or reject the parliamentary vote for independence...The vote for Ukraine’s independence spelled the end of the Soviet Union.
** Historian [[Serhii Plokhy]] ''The Gates of Europe: A History of Ukraine'' (2015) pp 320–321
* These days in Europe, many countries are sympathetic towards Ukraine and the situation here - of course, this touches a lot of people from different states. The fact that volunteers and government organizations work together on this and these kinds of [[Humanitarianism|humanitarian]] actions happen - is not unique, but it proves, that there are a lot of regular folks out there who care about Ukraine and its future
** Juris Poikans, Latvia's Ambassador to Ukraine, quoted on ''UAToday'' (February 11, 2016), [http://uatoday.tv/politics/latvia-sends-more-aid-to-ukraine-589114.html "Latvia sends more aid to Ukraine"]
* In Ukraine, you don't build a [[democracy]]; it already exists. You just defend it and exactly this. What makes Ukraine unique, its struggle deeply and profoundly...
** [[w:Petro Poroshenko|Petro Poroshenko]], [https://www.c-span.org/video/?321426-1/ukrainian-president-petro-poroshenko-address-congress&start=1496 speech to the U.S. Congress] (18 September 2014)
==R==
[[File:80-391-0151 Kyiv St.Sophia's Cathedral RB 18 2 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Kyiv itself is a grand Belle Époque metropolis with up-and-down cobbled streets and chestnut trees. There are funny little back alleys and courtyards full of coffee shops and art galleries, leafy parks with views over the sprawling river Dnipro, and an array of glorious [[churches]], the grandest of them the 11th-century Saint Sophia Cathedral [shown]. ~ [[Anna Reid]] ]]
[[File:Monastyr Karmelitiv Bosykh panorama.jpg|thumb|“What does Ukraine look like?” ... It’s green and gently rolling, and dotted with medieval fortresses, romantically neglected baroque palaces and monasteries, and quiet, pretty towns and little cities, much like those of Austria or the Czech Republic. ~ [[Anna Reid]] (Shown: Carmelite Monastery, Berdychiv, Zhytomyr Oblast)]]
* “What does Ukraine look like?”...it’s green and gently rolling, and dotted with [[medieval]] fortresses, romantically neglected baroque [[palace|palaces]] and monasteries, and quiet, pretty towns and little cities, much like those of [[Austria]] or the Czech Republic. Kyiv itself is a grand Belle Époque metropolis with up-and-down cobbled streets and chestnut trees. There are funny little back alleys and courtyards full of coffee shops and art galleries, leafy parks with views over the sprawling river Dnipro, and an array of glorious [[churches]], the grandest of them the 11th-century Saint Sophia Cathedral.
** [[Anna Reid]] [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/mar/15/ukrainian-heritage-under-threat-truth-soviet-era-russia "Ukrainian heritage is under threat – and so is the truth about Soviet-era Russia" ''The Guardian''] (15 March 2022)
* ''Ukraina'' is literally translated as “on the edge” or “borderland”, and that is exactly what it is. Flat, fertile, and fatally tempting to invaders''', Ukraine was split between Russia and Poland from the mid-17th century to the end of the 18th, between [[Russia]] and [[Austria]] through the 19th, and between Russia, Poland, Czechoslovakia, and [[Romania]] between the two world wars. Until the [[Soviet Union]] collapsed in 1991 it had never been an independent state.
** [[Anna Reid]] ''Borderland: a journey through the history of Ukraine'' (2015) p. 1
[[File:Odessa numismatic museum photo 05.jpg|thumb|From the tenth century to the thirteenth it [Kiev] was the capital of the eastern Slavs’ first great civilisation, Kievan Rus. ~ [[Anna Reid]] (Silver coin shows [[w:Vladimir the Great|Vladimir the Great]] (958–1015))]]
* But the past that gives [[w:Kyiv|Kiev]] unique glamour, that made it ‘the City’ to the novelist [[Mikhail Bulgakov]] and the ‘Joy of the World’ to the medieval chroniclers, is not the brash boom town of the turn of the last century, but the Kiev of a thousand years ago. From the tenth century to the thirteenth it was the capital of the eastern Slavs’ first great civilisation, Kievan Rus. And here Ukraine’s fight for an identity commences. Generations of scholars have bandied insults about how Rus began, how it was governed, even about how it got its name. But the biggest argument of all is over who Rus belongs to. Did Kievan Rus civilisation pass eastward, to Muscovy and the Russians, or did it stay put, in Ukraine? '''‘If Moscow is Russia’s heart,’ runs a Russian proverb, ‘and St Petersburg its head, Kiev is its mother.’''' Ukrainians, of course, say Kiev has nothing whatsoever to do with Russia – if she mothered anybody, it was the Ukrainians themselves.
** [[Anna Reid]] ''Borderland: a journey through the history of Ukraine'' (2015) p 5
* Here begins Ukraine’s great debate – still raw, still undecided: are Ukrainians Central Europeans, like the Poles, or a species of Russian? Poles used to call western Ukraine ‘Eastern Little [[Poland]]’; the Russian name for Ukraine was ‘Little [[Russia]].'
** [[Anna Reid]] ''Borderland: a journey through the history of Ukraine'' (2015) p 16
* Ukrainian society is less ambiguous today and Ukrainian identity is becoming increasingly civic rather than ethnic, and increasingly incompatible with a supra-ethnic, non-civic, quasi-religious, [[w:East Slavs|East Slavonic]] identity. While civic unity and civic identity are on the rise, Ukrainian attitudes toward Russians remain rather positive, in contrast to the highly negative Russian attitudes toward Ukrainians. First, [[w:Ukrainian_media|Ukrainian media]] do not practice [[w:Hate speech|hate speech]] and [[Propaganda|propagandistic]] [[Mind control|brainwashing]] on the scale of the [[w:mass_media_in_Russia|Russian media]]. And second, Ukrainians are much less inclined to identify the people with the state; their loathing of Putin has not translated into a similar attitude toward common Russians. Many Ukrainians still want open borders and good relations with Russia, even though that’s increasingly impossible at a time of war.
**[[w:Mykola Riabchuk|Mykola Riabchuk]], as quoted in [http://www.worldaffairsjournal.org/blog/alexander-j-motyl/ukrainian-identity-after-euromaiden "Ukrainian Identity After the Euromaidan"] (29 March 2016), by [[w:Alexander J. Motyl|Alexander J. Motyl]], ''Ukraine's Orange Blues'', World Affairs Journal
==S==
* [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] and [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] rose to power in [[Berlin]] and [[Moscow]], but their visions of transformation concerned above all the lands between. Their utopias of control overlapped in Ukraine. Hitler remembered the ephemeral [[Germany|German]] eastern colony of 1918 as German access to the Ukrainian breadbasket. Stalin, who had served [[Russian Revolution|his revolution]] in Ukraine shortly thereafter, regarded the land in much the same way. Its farmland, and its [[Peasant|peasants]], were to be exploited in the making of a modern [[Industry|industrial]] state. Hitler looked upon [[w:Collectivization|collectivization]] as a disastrous failure, and presented it as proof of the failure of [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] [[communism]] as such. But he had no doubt that Germans could make of Ukraine a land of [[milk]] and [[honey]]. For both Hitler and Stalin, Ukraine was more than a source of [[food]]. It was the place that would enable them to break the rules of traditional [[economics]], rescue their countries from [[poverty]] and [[isolation]], and remake the continent in their own image. Their programs and their power all depended upon their control of Ukraine’s fertile soil and its millions of agricultural laborers. In 1933, Ukrainians would died in the millions, in the [[w:Holodomir|greatest artificial famine in the history of world]]. This was the beginning of the special history of Ukraine, but not the end. In 1941 [[w:Operation Barbarossa|Hitler would seize Ukraine from Stalin]], and attempt to realize his own [[Colonialism|colonial]] vision beginning with the [[The Holocaust|shooting of Jews]] and the starvation of Soviet prisoners of war. The [[Stalinism|Stalinists]] colonized their own country, and the Nazis colonized occupied Soviet Ukraine: and the inhabitants of Ukraine suffered and suffered. During the years that both Stalin and Hitler were in power, more people were killed in Ukraine than anywhere else in the bloodlands, or in Europe, or in the world.
** [[Timothy D. Snyder]], ''Bloodlands: Europe Between Hitler and Stalin''. E-book, New York: Basic Books, 2010
* '''Ukraine is not a theater for the historical propaganda of others or a puzzle from which pieces can be removed. It is a major European country whose citizens have important cultural and economic ties with both the European Union and Russia.'''
** [[Timothy D. Snyder]] in [https://www.nybooks.com/articles/2014/03/20/fascism-russia-and-ukraine/ "Fascism, Russia, and Ukraine"] (''The New York Review of Books'' 20 March 2014)
* In 1919, when he imposed his regime on Ukraine, [[Lenin]] gave her several Russian provinces to assuage her feelings. These provinces have never historically belonged to Ukraine. I am talking about the eastern and southern territories of today's Ukraine. Then, in 1954, [[Khrushchev]], with the arbitrary capriciousness of a satrap, made a "gift" of the Crimea to Ukraine. But even he did not manage to make Ukraine a "gift" of [[w:Sevastopol|Sevastopol]], which remained a separate city under the jurisdiction of the U.S.S.R. central government. This was accomplished by the [[United States Department of State|American State Department]], first verbally through Ambassador Popadiuk in Kiev and later in a more official manner. Why does the State Department decide who should get Sevastopol? If one recalls the tactless declaration of [[George H. W. Bush|President Bush]] about supporting Ukrainian sovereignty even before the referendum on that matter, one must conclude that all this stems from a common aim: to use all means possible, no matter what the consequences, to weaken Russia.
** [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]] on Ukraine (May 1994) [https://www.forbes.com/2008/08/05/solzhenitsyn-forbes-interview-oped-cx_pm_0804russia.html Reprinted in ''Forbes magazine'' (2008)]
* As a result of the sudden and crude fragmentation of the intermingled Slavic peoples, the borders have torn apart millions of ties of family and friendship. Is this acceptable? The recent elections in Ukraine, for instance, clearly show the [Russian] sympathies of the Crimean and Donets populations. And a [[democracy]] must respect this. I myself am nearly half Ukrainian. I grew up with the sounds of [[w:Ukrainian_language|Ukrainian speech]]. I love her culture and genuinely wish all kinds of success for Ukraine--but only within her real ethnic boundaries, without grabbing Russian provinces. And not in the form of a "great power," the concept on which [[w:Ukrainian_nationalists|Ukrainian nationalists]] have placed their bets. They are acting out and trumpeting a cult of force, persistently inflating Russia into the image of an "enemy." Militant slogans are proclaimed. And the Ukrainian army is being indoctrinated with the [[propaganda]] that war with Russia is inevitable. For every country, great power status deforms and harms the national character. I have never wished great power status for Russia, and do not wish it for the [[United States]]. I don't wish it for Ukraine. She would not be able to perform even the cultural task required to achieve great power status: In her current borders, 63% of the population consider [[Russian language|Russian]] to be their native language, a number three times larger than the number of ethnic [[Russians]]. And all these people will have to be re-educated in the Ukrainian language, while the language itself will have to be raised to international standards and usage. This is a task that would require over 100 years.
** [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]], [https://www.forbes.com/2008/08/05/solzhenitsyn-forbes-interview-oped-cx_pm_0804russia.html?sh=510b79d25f53 Interview With Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn on the New Russia and Ukraine (May 1994)], by Paul Klebnikov, in the (9 May 1994), issue of ''Forbes'' magazine
* Officials at the [[wikipedia:Reich Security Main Office|Reich Security Main Office]] planned the annihilation with cynical precision. They planned a war that declared the entire [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] population – the entire Soviet population – to be the enemies, from newborn babies to the very old. The enemies were to be defeated not just militarily, but were also to be made to pay for the war imposed upon them themselves, with their lives, their property, with everything that was part of their existence. The entire European part of the Soviet Union, whole stretches of today's Ukraine and [[Belarus]] – and I quote from the orders – were to be "cleansed" and prepared for German [[Colonialism|colonisation]]. Metropolises such as Leningrad, present-day [[Saint Petersburg]], [[Moscow]] or [[wikipedia:Kiev|Kyiv]], were to be razed to the ground.
** [[Frank-Walter Steinmeier]], As quoted in the [[Frank-Walter Steinmeier#:~:text=to the ground.-,As quoted in the Anniversary of Germany’s invasion of the Soviet Union speech, 18 June 2021,-Those who waged|Anniversary of Germany’s invasion of the Soviet Union speech]], 18 June 2021
==V==
* Ukraine has always aspired to be free: but being surrounded by [[w:Muscovy|Muscovy]], the [[Ottoman Empire|states of the Sultan]], and [[w:Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth|Poland]], a protector had to be sought, and consequently a master in one of these three states. She first put herself under the protection of [[Poland]], who treated her too much as subject. She then gave herself to the Muscovite, who governed her as a slave as much as he could. At first the Ukrainians enjoyed the privilege of electing a prince under the name of general; but soon they were stripped of this right, and their general was appointed by the court of [[Moscow]]. (L’Ukraine a toujours aspiré à être libre : mais étant entourée de la Moscovie, des états du grand-seigneur, et de la Pologne, il lui a fallu chercher un protecteur, et par conséquent un maître dans l’un de ces trois états. Elle se mit d’abord sous la protection de la Pologne qui la traita trop en sujette : elle se donna depuis au Moscovite, qui la gouverna en esclave autant qu’il le put. D’abord les Ukrainiens jouirent du privilège d’élire un prince sous le nom de général ; mais bientôt ils furent dépouillés de ce droit, et leur général fut nommé par la cour de Moscou.)
** [[Voltaire]] 1731, ''Histoire de Charles XII'' (History of Charles XII), p 161.
==W==
* Some groups continued to resist, especially in Ukraine and the Baltic states. Ukraine, which had been part of the [[W;Russian Empire|Russian Empire]] and was taken over by [[Communism|Communist]] forces after the [[Russian Revolution|1917 revolution]], had come under [[Germany|German]] control in 1941, and [[w:Ukrainian_nationalism|Ukrainian nationalists]] used the opportunity to declare independence from the [[Soviet Union]]. While Ukrainian autonomy remained a sham under [[w:German_occupation_of_Ukraine_during_World_War_II|German occupation]], many Ukrainian nationalists continued to fight against the Red Army after the [[Nazism|Nazi]] withdrawal. The [[w:Organization_of_Ukrainian_Nationalists|Organization of Ukrainian Nationalists]] (OUN) existed in the Soviet Union until 1950, when its leader, [[Roman Shukhevych]], was killed. While the OUN was feared for its [[collaboration]] with the Nazis and its atrocities against Poles and Jews, some Ukrainians still regarded it as the champion of [[independence]] and [[sovereignty]]. Soviet countermeasures were brutal. Between 1944 and 1952 as many as six hundred thousand people were arrested in western Ukraine; about a third of these were executed and the rest imprisoned or exiled. The fierce Soviet response probably did as much to keep resistance alive as the waning military power of the OUN.
** Odd Arne Westad, ''The Cold War: A World History'' (2005)
==Y==
* Any signature to a deal on forming a new Soviet Union means the breakup of the country.
** Arseniy Yatsenyuk, a prominent opposition member, quoted on ''BBC News'', [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-25290959 "Ukraine's capital Kiev gripped by huge pro-EU demonstration"], December 8, 2013.
==See also==
* [[2021–2022 Russo-Ukrainian crisis]]
==External links==
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* {{wikisource-inline|Portal:Ukraine}}
* {{wikibooks-inline|Wikijunior:Europe/Ukraine}}
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[[File:Flag of Uganda.svg|thumbnail|right|The pearl of Africa]]
[[File:Participants at Luganda Wikipedia Convent 2015.jpg|thumbnail|right|The problem of Africa in general and Uganda in particular is not the people but leaders who want to overstay in power]]'''[[w:Uganda|Uganda]]''', officially the '''Republic of Uganda''', is a landlocked country in [[Africa|East Africa]]. It is bordered on the east by [[Kenya]], on the north by [[w:South Sudan|South Sudan]], on the west by the [[Democratic Republic of the Congo]], on the southwest by [[Rwanda]], and on the south by [[Tanzania]]. The southern part of the country includes a substantial portion of [[w:Lake Victoria|Lake Victoria]], shared with Kenya and Tanzania, situating the country in the [[w:African Great Lakes|African Great Lakes region]]. Uganda also lies within the [[w:Nile|Nile basin]], and has a varied but generally equatorial climate. The Nilotic and Niger-Congo panethnic groups are predominant in the country.
{{geography-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* '''The pearl of [[Africa]].'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2006442?q=africa&p=par ''Growth Among Uganda’s Diverse People'']
* Under the umbrella of [https://icra.center/ the International Centre for Religious Advocacy and development (ICAD)], leaders of different [[churches]] and [[religions]] in Uganda have come together to denounce the [National Religious and Faith Organizations Policy] as liberticide. ICAD Director Wisdom Peter Katumba [https://www.monitor.co.ug/uganda/news/national/religious-leaders-protest-against-proposed-policy-to-regulate-churches-4640742 told the media] that “The proposed policy is intended to tighten oversight of the clergy and congregations by the government and bring religion under direct political control of the reigning president… Like {{w|Uganda Martyrs|the Uganda Martyrs}}, we shall stand strong and firm to the last drop of our blood until the policy is dropped.”
** [[Massimo Introvigne]], [https://bitterwinter.org/now-its-uganda-churches-fight-new-restrictive-draft-religious-policy/ "Now, It’s Uganda: Churches Fight New Restrictive Draft Religious Policy"], ''Bitter Winter'' (June 6, 2024)
** Compiler's Note: As explained in [https://bitterwinter.org/uganda-vs-religious-liberty-an-interview-with-scott-morgan/ "Uganda vs Religious Liberty: An Interview with Scott Morgan"] at ''Bitter Winter'', the National Religious and Faith Organizations Policy violates Article 7 of the Ugandan Constitution (which states “The State is mandated to create and to protect one’s chosen faith without fear or prosecution.”) and Article 21 paragraph 2 of the Ugandan Constitution, which codifies the protections defining both equality and non-discrimination.
* [[Decolonisation of Africa|The principle of self-determination in Africa]] has in Uganda proved once more its [[truth]] and [[strength]]. This principle inspired [[Americans|our own people]] in [[American Revolution|their struggle for independence]], and we therefore feel a special kinship and pride in welcoming Uganda to the community of free nations. A common devotion to the [[Charter of the United Nations|United Nations Charter]] will strongly bind our nations in the imperative task of building a just and peaceful world. Uganda's independence strengthens the forces working toward this goal.
** [[John F. Kennedy]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/235906 Message to Prime Minister Obote on the Occasion of the Independence of Uganda Online], The American Presidency Project; 8 October 1962
* '''The problem of Africa in general and Uganda in particular is not the people but leaders who want to overstay in power'''.
** President [[Yoweri Museveni]] quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/9477930.stm "Would Uganda's Museveni recognise his former self?"] ''BBC News'' (7 May 2011).
* At the turning-point in the history of Uganda, I hope that all our friends will join with me in bestowing upon the new, independent Uganda our prayers and hopes for peace, prosperity and a growing strength in her now role in international affairs. Uganda has many friends, both within her borders and outside. With the goodwill of all who wish to see her prosper, Uganda will go forward from strength to strength. Let us pause for a moment and look back along the path we have traveled. In the days before this part of the African continent was known to the western world, we became known as a group of peoples who welcomed the traveler, the [[Missionaries|missionary]] and the explorer. As the years passed, we reaped the benefit of this friendly nature of ours. The technical progress of the last half-century has transformed our country in countless ways. But, fortunately, we have continued to keep our own customs and culture. It is up to us now, more than ever, in shaping our new country, to achieve a consolidation, in which neither the rapid progress of recent years, nor the age-old customs of our forefathers, are lost or diminished, but rather fused into a new national characteristic in which the best is preserved, while the worst may be thrown away.
** [[w:Milton Obote|Milton Obote]], Quoted on Pan-African-Quotes [http://panafricanquotes.wordpress.com/speeches/milton-obotes-1962-uganda-independence-speech/ 1962 Uganda Uganda Independence Speech]
* The [[United Kingdom|UK]], along with our international partners, will continue to press the government of Uganda to defend human rights for all, without [[discrimination]] on any grounds. The UK is in close contact with Ugandan [[civil society]] groups and will continue to support their efforts to improve human rights in Uganda.
** British high commission in Kampala, quoted on ''The Guardian.com'', [http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/01/gay-british-man-deported-uganda-bernard-randall-prison "Gay British man deported from Uganda urges government to help his partner"] ''The Guardian'' (1 March 2013).
==See also==
* [[Poverty in Uganda]]
* [[Ivan Edwards]]
== External links ==
{{wikisource|Portal:{{PAGENAME}}}}
{{wikiversity|Comparative law and justice/Uganda}}
* {{Commonscat-inline}}
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Wikivoyage-inline}}
* {{Wiktionary-inline|Uganda}}
[[Category:Uganda| ]]
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[[File:Flag of Uganda.svg|thumbnail|right|The pearl of Africa —[[Winston Churchill]]]]
[[File:Participants at Luganda Wikipedia Convent 2015.jpg|thumbnail|right|The problem of Africa in general and Uganda in particular is not the people but leaders who want to overstay in power — [[Yoweri Museveni]]]]'''[[w:Uganda|Uganda]]''', officially the '''Republic of Uganda''', is a landlocked country in [[Africa|East Africa]]. It is bordered on the east by [[Kenya]], on the north by [[w:South Sudan|South Sudan]], on the west by the [[Democratic Republic of the Congo]], on the southwest by [[Rwanda]], and on the south by [[Tanzania]]. The southern part of the country includes a substantial portion of [[w:Lake Victoria|Lake Victoria]], shared with Kenya and Tanzania, situating the country in the [[w:African Great Lakes|African Great Lakes region]]. Uganda also lies within the [[w:Nile|Nile basin]], and has a varied but generally equatorial climate. The Nilotic and Niger-Congo panethnic groups are predominant in the country.
{{geography-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* '''The pearl of [[Africa]].'''
** [[Winston Churchill]], [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2006442?q=africa&p=par ''Growth Among Uganda’s Diverse People'']
* Under the umbrella of [https://icra.center/ the International Centre for Religious Advocacy and development (ICAD)], leaders of different [[churches]] and [[religions]] in Uganda have come together to denounce the [National Religious and Faith Organizations Policy] as liberticide. ICAD Director Wisdom Peter Katumba [https://www.monitor.co.ug/uganda/news/national/religious-leaders-protest-against-proposed-policy-to-regulate-churches-4640742 told the media] that “The proposed policy is intended to tighten oversight of the clergy and congregations by the government and bring religion under direct political control of the reigning president… Like {{w|Uganda Martyrs|the Uganda Martyrs}}, we shall stand strong and firm to the last drop of our blood until the policy is dropped.”
** [[Massimo Introvigne]], [https://bitterwinter.org/now-its-uganda-churches-fight-new-restrictive-draft-religious-policy/ "Now, It’s Uganda: Churches Fight New Restrictive Draft Religious Policy"], ''Bitter Winter'' (June 6, 2024)
** Compiler's Note: As explained in [https://bitterwinter.org/uganda-vs-religious-liberty-an-interview-with-scott-morgan/ "Uganda vs Religious Liberty: An Interview with Scott Morgan"] at ''Bitter Winter'', the National Religious and Faith Organizations Policy violates Article 7 of the Ugandan Constitution (which states “The State is mandated to create and to protect one’s chosen faith without fear or prosecution.”) and Article 21 paragraph 2 of the Ugandan Constitution, which codifies the protections defining both equality and non-discrimination.
* [[Decolonisation of Africa|The principle of self-determination in Africa]] has in Uganda proved once more its [[truth]] and [[strength]]. This principle inspired [[Americans|our own people]] in [[American Revolution|their struggle for independence]], and we therefore feel a special kinship and pride in welcoming Uganda to the community of free nations. A common devotion to the [[Charter of the United Nations|United Nations Charter]] will strongly bind our nations in the imperative task of building a just and peaceful world. Uganda's independence strengthens the forces working toward this goal.
** [[John F. Kennedy]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/235906 Message to Prime Minister Obote on the Occasion of the Independence of Uganda Online], The American Presidency Project; 8 October 1962
* '''The problem of Africa in general and Uganda in particular is not the people but leaders who want to overstay in power'''.
** President [[Yoweri Museveni]] quoted in [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/9477930.stm "Would Uganda's Museveni recognise his former self?"] ''BBC News'' (7 May 2011).
* At the turning-point in the history of Uganda, I hope that all our friends will join with me in bestowing upon the new, independent Uganda our prayers and hopes for peace, prosperity and a growing strength in her now role in international affairs. Uganda has many friends, both within her borders and outside. With the goodwill of all who wish to see her prosper, Uganda will go forward from strength to strength. Let us pause for a moment and look back along the path we have traveled. In the days before this part of the African continent was known to the western world, we became known as a group of peoples who welcomed the traveler, the [[Missionaries|missionary]] and the explorer. As the years passed, we reaped the benefit of this friendly nature of ours. The technical progress of the last half-century has transformed our country in countless ways. But, fortunately, we have continued to keep our own customs and culture. It is up to us now, more than ever, in shaping our new country, to achieve a consolidation, in which neither the rapid progress of recent years, nor the age-old customs of our forefathers, are lost or diminished, but rather fused into a new national characteristic in which the best is preserved, while the worst may be thrown away.
** [[w:Milton Obote|Milton Obote]], Quoted on Pan-African-Quotes [http://panafricanquotes.wordpress.com/speeches/milton-obotes-1962-uganda-independence-speech/ 1962 Uganda Uganda Independence Speech]
* The [[United Kingdom|UK]], along with our international partners, will continue to press the government of Uganda to defend human rights for all, without [[discrimination]] on any grounds. The UK is in close contact with Ugandan [[civil society]] groups and will continue to support their efforts to improve human rights in Uganda.
** British high commission in Kampala, quoted on ''The Guardian.com'', [http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/01/gay-british-man-deported-uganda-bernard-randall-prison "Gay British man deported from Uganda urges government to help his partner"] ''The Guardian'' (1 March 2013).
==See also==
* [[Poverty in Uganda]]
* [[Ivan Edwards]]
== External links ==
{{wikisource|Portal:{{PAGENAME}}}}
{{wikiversity|Comparative law and justice/Uganda}}
* {{Commonscat-inline}}
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Wikivoyage-inline}}
* {{Wiktionary-inline|Uganda}}
[[Category:Uganda| ]]
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The Lego Movie
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Lego Movie|The Lego Movie]]''''' is a [[w:2014 in film|2014]] animated adventure comedy film about an ordinary LEGO construction worker, thought to be the prophesized "special", who is recruited to join a quest to stop an evil diabolical tyrant from gluing the LEGO universe into his own selfish vision of perfection.
:''Directed and written by [[w:Phil Lord and Christopher Miller|Phil Lord and Christopher Miller]]. Story by Dan Hageman, Kevin Hageman, Phil Lord and Christopher Miller.''
{{center|'''The story of a nobody who saved everybody.''' <small>([[#Taglines|taglines]])</small>}}
== Emmet ==
* Step <math>1</math>: Breathe ( ''breathes deeply'' )
* Step <math>2</math>: Greet the Day, Smile and Say
* Step <math>3</math>: Exercise
* Step <math>4</math>: Shower
* Number <math>5:</math> Save the face
* Number <math>6:</math> Brush your teeth
* Number <math>7:</math> Comb the hair
* Number <math>8:</math> Wear clothes
* Step <math>9</math>: Eat complete breakfast
* Wait! There's obviously been mix-up here, you've got the wrong... ''[a blue laser pointer shoots at Emmet's back to try to remove the Piece of Resistance]'' O-O-O-O-O-OW, Ow-ow-ow-ah-hahahaha-OOOOOW!! This is gonna start hurting pretty soon! ''[?]'' ? ''[to Wyldstle]'' ?
* WHAT?!
* Man, I feel so good right now! I can sing this song for hours!
* Pow pow! Bullet bullet! Gun!
* See you later, alligator..
== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines; The following logos are Universal Pictures/Warner Bros. Pictures/Warner Animation Group and Village Roadshow Pictures in the Lego variation; the camera shows a lava appears, revealing it was a lava world; deep within the Lego mountain, Vitruvius is guarding something when he senses someone approaching.]''
:'''Vitruvius''': He's coming... Cover your butt. ''[cut to two knights guarding the door]''
:'''Knight''': Cover the what? ''[Lord Business bursts in, knocking the door two guards off the bridge]''
:'''Lord Business''': ''[laughs evilly, removed his [[Jim Carrey]] mask as the camera zooms into him]'' Vitruvius! ''[cut to Vitruvius as the camera also zooms into him]''
:'''Vitruvius''': Lord Business. ''[cut to Lord Business as extends his legs and Vitruvius]''
:'''Lord Business''': You've hidden the Kragle well, old man. ''[cuts to Lord Business]'' Robots, destroy him!
:'''Robot''': ''[monotone]'' Yes, Lord Business. ''[the robots marched in; cuts to Vitruvius]''
:'''Vitruvius''': ''[he summons bats to attack Lord Business]'' Your robots are no match for a Master Builder, for I see everything! ''[a red laser pointer shoots at Vitruvius, blinding him]'' My eyes! Ow!
:'''Lord Business''': ''[after knocking down Vitruvius, Lord Business goes over to the Kragle]'' The Kragle, the most powerful super weapon is mine. ''[He opens the case. We see something glowing]'' Oh, the Kragle! ''[laughs evilly as his horns shoot fire]'' Now my evil power will be unlimited! Can you feel me?!
:'''Robot''': I can feel you. ''[his robots start carrying the Kragle away]''
:'''Lord Business''': WHOO! Nothing's gonna stop me now!
:'''Vitruvius''': Wait, there's a prophecy.
:'''Lord Business''': Oh, ''now'' there's a prophecy.
:'''Vitruvius''': About the Piece of Resistance.
:'''Lord Business''': ''[he turns to Vitruvius]'' Oh, yes, the supposed missin' Piece of Resistance that can somehow magically disarm the Kragle, gimme a break! ''[Vitruvius rises and turns to face Lord Business, suddenly, his eyes shine brightly]''
:'''Vitruvius''': ''[as he tells the prophecy, his glowing eyes visions of the Lego brick; a Lego minifigure; and the minifigure falls down into strange world]'' ''One day a talented lass or fellow, a Special one with face of yellow, will make the Piece of Resistance found from its hiding refuge underground, and with a noble army at the helm, this Master Builder will thwart the Kragle and save the realm, and be the greatest, most interesting, most important person of all times, all this is true, because it rhymes.''
:'''Lord Business''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, wow, that was a great, inspiring legend... that ''you made up. [Business kicks Vitruvius off the ledge with his giant robot leg]''
:'''Vitruvius''': Ahhhhhh!
:'''Lord Business''': A special one? What a bunch of hippy-dippy baloney!
<hr width=50%>
:[the words "8½ years later…" appear on screen]
:''[the scene cuts to a man named Emmet Brickowski waking up in his apartment and turns off his alarm clock; cut to his bedroom view; he gets out bed, yawns and stretches, and walks through to his living room as the camera pans left]''
:'''Emmet Brickowski''': Good morning, apartment! Good morning, doorway! Good morning, clock. Good morning, wall. Good morning, ceiling. Good morning, floor! Ready to start the day! ''[cuts to the row of bookshelf; he looks for it and grabs a book from a shelf]'' Ah, here it is! ''[cuts to a close-up instruction book; he reads the front cover manual]'' The instructions to fit in, have everybody like you, and always be happy! Step one; breathe. ''[cuts to Emmet inhales and exhales deeply]'' Okay, got that one down. ''[cuts to the page of instruction book]'' Step two; greet the day, smile and say... ''[cut to exterior apartment; all the Lego citizens opening their windows and yelling]''
:'''LEGO® Citizens''': Good morning, city! ''[the citizens all say, "Good morning, city!"; camera zooms out to show the city]''
:'''Citizen''': Good morning, city! Top of the morning to you, city! ''[cuts to Emmet continuing with the instructions from the manual]''
:'''Emmet''': Step three; exercise. Jumping jacks, hit 'em! ''[he start jumping on the spot]'' One! Two! Three! I am so pumped up! ''[cuts to the page of instruction book]'' Step four; shower. ''[cuts to Emmet gets in the shower and starts washing himself]'' And always be sure to keep the soap out of your--- ahhh! ''[he screams as the soap gets into his eyes; cuts Emmet standing in front of the bathroom mirror shaving]'' Shave your face, brush your teeth. Comb your hair. ''[he laughs to himself as he brushes his hair; cuts to the page of instruction book]'' Wear clothes. ''[cuts to Emmet walking out of his apartment naked until he realizes]'' Oop! Almost forgot that one! ''[he turns back into his apartment; cut to his bedroom quickly trying on different outfits]'' No. No. Uh-uh. No. Not that. Wrong. ''[he finally wears his construction uniform]'' And that's it, check. ''[cuts to kitchen, where Emmet is making breakfast]'' Step 9: eat a complete breakfast with all the special people in your life. ''[cut to him sitting in his living room eating his breakfast alone, he turns to his plant]'' Hey, Planty! What do you want to do this morning? Watch TV? Me too! ''[he turns on the television; cuts to the front TV showing President Business giving a presentation]''
:'''President Business''': Hi, I'm President Business, president of the Octan Corporation and the World. Let's all take extra care to follow the instructions... ''[whispers into microphone]'' ...or you'll be put to sleep. ''[shouting]'' And DON'T forget Taco Tuesday's coming next week! ''[mariachi band shows up and confetti falls down as they celebrating and dancing]'' That's the day every rule-following citizen gets a free taco and my love! Have a great day, everybody! ''[cut to Emmet]''
:'''Emmet''': You have a great day, too, President Business. Man, he's such a cool guy. I always wanna hear more of... wait! Did he say “put to sleep”?! ''[suddenly, Emmet gets distracted by the TV showing a promo of a sitcom]''
:'''TV Presenter''': Tonight on "Where are my Pants?"
:'''Actor on TV Show''': Honey? Where are my pants? ''[he steps out showing that he's not wearing any pants and we hear canned laughter; cut to Emmet laughs hard at this and falls of the couch]''
:'''Emmet''': What was I just thinking? I don't care. ''[scene cuts to the page of instruction book]'' Step 12: Greet your neighbors. ''[camera pans right to Emmet’s neighbors walk by]'' Hey Joe.
:'''Plumber Joe''': Hey, pal!
:'''Emmet''': ''[dodges a pipe]'' Whoa ho ho! Hey Surfer Dave.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Emmet''': Step 13: Enjoy popular music.
:'''Radio DJ''': ''[he turns on the radio]'' ''Top of the charts again, it's “''Everything Is Awesome''”.''
:'''Emmet''': Oh, my gosh! I ''love'' this song! ''[Everything Is Awesome starts playing]'' Always use the turn signal, park between the lines. ''[Emmet and everyone else parks in exactly the same way]'' Yes! Drop off dry cleaning before noon, read the headlines, don't forget to smile. ''[waves and smiles to everyone as he walks down the street]''
:'''Paper Boy''': Paper!
:'''Emmet''': Always root for the local sports team. ''[a train full of passengers appears]''
:'''LEGO® Citizens''': Go, '''SPORTS TEAM!'''
:'''Emmet''': Always return a compliment. ''[to the male Lego citizen stepping out of the coffee shop]'' Hey, you look nice!
:'''LEGO® Citizens''': ''[turn to Emmet]'' So do you!
:'''Emmet''': Drink overpriced coffee! ''[inside the coffee shop he buys a coffee]''
:'''Larry The Barista''': Here you go, that's $37. ''[Emmet looks at him for a moment before replying with excitement]''
:'''Emmet''': ''[Laughing]'' Awesome! ''[Emmet walks to work with his overpriced coffee following the line of all the other construction workers doing exactly the same]''
:'''Construction Worker''': Did you see ''Where are my Pants?'' last night? ''[everyone laughs and replies at the same time]''
:'''Emmet''': ''[chuckles]'' ''Classic episode!''
:'''Foreman''': ''[“Everything Is Awesome" continues to play in the background as the Lego construction workers get into position]'' Instructions coming in from central. Okay, it says here that anything that's weird then blow it up! ''[the workers start blowing up the buildings]'' All right, Cylinder-Heads, let's make it look exactly like it does in the instructions!
:'''Construction Worker #1''': Hey, buddy! I need one-by-two keyhole!
:'''Emmet''': No problem, Michael.
:'''Construction Worker #2''': Two-by-two macaroni over here.
:'''Emmet''': Two-by-two macaroni flying in! Here's one, Mel.
:'''Construction Worker #3''': Guys, got a one-by-one with an indented stud on one side!
:'''Foreman''': Cheese, look, cheese slopes, come on, everybody!
:'''Emmet''': Roger that, Roger.
:'''Construction Worker #4''': Look alive, coming at you.
:'''Construction Worker #5''': Can I get a couple LURPs over here?
:'''Emmet''': Thanks, Gail.
:'''Construction Worker #6''': Guys, watch me drill this down.
:''[everyone cheers]''
:'''Construction Workers''': ''[they all start singing along to "Everything Is Awesome".]''
:'''Emmet''': Man, I feel so good right now! I can sing this song for hours!
:'''French Narrator''': 5 hours later…
:''[everyone at the construction site is still singing "Everything Is Awesome" and it's finally coming to the end of the day]''
:'''Barry''': When you're part of a team! ''[an explosion occurs, and everyone cheers]'' Yeah, I'm gonna the sports bar after work tonight, who wants to eat some delicious chicken wings and get ''[Gail laughs]'' '''CRAZY?!''' ''[as the other constructions workers start to leave together, Emmet is left behind and tries to get their attention]''
:'''Emmet''': Chicken wings? I love chicken wings!
:'''Construction Worker #6''': Hey, who wants to share a croissant with this guy?
:'''Emmet''': Croissants? I love croissants!
:'''Construction Worker #7''': Oh, yeah! I sure do love giant sausages!
:'''Emmet''': Giant sausages?! No way! ''[nobody pays Emmet any attention as he tries to join them]'' You know what I love to do? Is share a meal with the special people in my life. Fred, Barry, Gail, me and you...? ''[Emmet runs into a construction post and falls. A gust of wind blows his instructions away]'' Ah, no guys, wait up! Okay, I'll meet you there! ''[Emmet chases after his instruction manual as the wind continues to carry it off]'' Oh, where did it go? ''[he finds the manual lying on some Lego rubble]'' Oh, there you are. ''[Emmet laughs, relieved, as he retrieves the manual and turns to leave but stops when he hears a whoosh]'' I think I heard a whoosh.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Voice''': Hey...
:'''Emmet''': What is that?
:'''Voice''': Come here…
:'''Emmet''': What do I do? I don’t have my instructions!
:'''Voice''': Touch the Piece…
:'''Emmet''': I feel like maybe I should touch that.
:'''Voice''': ''It's so interesting... Touch the Piece... Touch the Piece... It's so interesting... Touch the Piece...'' ''[Emmet gets up and starts walking over to the giant block]''
:'''Emmet''': Uh... ''[becomes completely transfixed and steps over his instruction manual]''
:'''Voice''': ''Touch the--''
:''[he slowly extends his hand, touches the block, and gets several visions, which include Vitruvius reciting the Piece of Resistance prophecy.]''
:'''Vitruvius''': ''A Special one with face of yellow... [Emmet falls, screaming] ...will make the Piece of Resistance found from its hiding refuge underground... [Emmet is still falling] ...this Master Builder... [cat meows] ...will thwart the Kragle and save the realm...''
:'''Wyldstyle''': ''Come on, everyone, protect the Special!''
:'''Vitruvius''': ''[Emmet then passes out]'' ''...the Special has arisen.''
:'''Boy''': ''It's your turn to be the hero.''
:'''Bad Cop''': ''[as Emmet slowly wakes, he hears Bad Cop's voice] Wake up.''
:'''Emmet''': ''[waked up]'' ''Ugh...''
:'''Bad Cop''': ''Come on, wake up! Where are the Master Builders?! How did you find the Piece of Resistance?! Eh?! Where are the others hiding?''
:'''Emmet''': ''[Emmet hears a voice interrogating him as he opens his eyes]'' ''[in normal voice]'' Good morning, apartment...?
:'''Bad Cop''': ''[in normal voice]'' Wake up! ''[shines a light onto Emmet, making him immediately awake]''
:'''Emmet''': Aah!
:'''Bad Cop''': How did you find the Piece of Resistance?!
:'''Emmet''': The Piece of what?
:'''Bad Cop''': The Piece of Resistance. ''[Bad Cop knocks a chair aside in anger. We see Emmet is being held in an interrogation room with his hands shackled to a chair]''
:'''Emmet''': I-I-I don't-where am I? What's happening?!
:'''Bad Cop''': What's happening? Playing dumb, Master Builder.
:'''Emmet''': No, I... "Master Builder"?
:'''Bad Cop''': Oh, so you've never heard of the prophecy?
:'''Emmet''': No, I...
:'''Bad Cop''': Or the Special?
:'''Emmet''': No! No, I...
:'''Bad Cop''': You're a liar! We'll kill ya. ''[Bad Cop backflips and starts to kick and wrestle a chair.]''
:'''Emmet''': Look, um... ''[Bad Cop chuckles]'' I watch a lot of cop shows on TV. Isn't there supposed to also be a--? Isn't there supposed to be a Good Cop?! ''[Emmet ducks as Bad Cop throws the chair to the wall]''
:'''Bad Cop''': Oh, yes. But we're not done yet. ''[he switches his head to the cheerful, friendly Good Cop.]''
:'''Good Cop''': Hi, buddy! I'm your friendly neighborhood police officer! Would you like a glass of water?
:'''Emmet''': Yeah, actually-
:'''Bad Cop''': ''[switches back to his bad face]'' Too bad. ''[smacks the glass away]'' Security cameras picked up this. ''[grunts]'' BOOM! You were found at the construction site convulsing with a strange piece.
:'''Emmet''': That's disgusting!
:'''Bad Cop''': Then why is it permanently stuck to your back?!
:'''Emmet''': ''[peers back with the blue cap, sees that The Piece of Resistance is glued onto his back with a blue cap, and screams in alarm]'' Aah! Aah! Get it off me! It won't come off, it's chasing me! Look, it's not my fault! I have no idea how this thing got on my back!
:'''Good Cop''': Of course, buddy. I believe you.
:'''Emmet''': Great! ''[suddenly, Bad Cop appears beside Emmet, making him scream.]'' Ah!
:'''Bad Cop''': I "believe" you, too. You see the quotations I'm making with my claw hands? It means I ''don't'' believe you. Why else would you show up with that thing on your back just three days before President Business is going to use the Kragle to end the world?
:'''Emmet''': President Business is gonna end the world? But he's such a good guy. And Octan, they make good stuff: ''[flashback books]'' Music, dairy products, coffee, TV shows, surveillance systems, all history books, voting machines... ''[flashback ends]'' ...Wait a minute.
:'''Bad Cop''': C'mon, you can't be ''this'' stupid.
:'''Emmet''': Look, c'mon, that is a misunderstanding, I'm just a regular, normal, ordinary guy, and I'm late to meet my best friends in the whole world, and they're probably missin' me right now, they're probably out looking around! "Hey, where's Emmet? Hey, where's my best friend Emmet?" And you know what? Ask all my friends, they'll tell you.
:'''Bad Cop''': Oh, we asked them alright. Boom! ''[he turns on the TV monitor which shows Emmet's construction work colleagues being interviewed about Emmet]''
:'''Frank''': That guy's not a criminal mastermind.
:'''Emmet''': See!
:'''Jim''': Yeah, he's kind of your average, normal, kind of guy.
:'''Emmet''': Thank you.
:'''Jim''': But you know, he's just... he's just like normal like us. Yeah, he... he's just that special.
:'''Gail''': Wait I'm so confused. Who are we talking about?
:''[Emmet's smile starts to disappear; Gail looks at the photo of Emmet being shown to her]''
:'''Gail''': Wait, does he work with us?
:'''Emmet''': Gail doesn't remember me?
:'''Barry''': Look at Randy here, he likes sausage. That's something. Gail is perky, that's something. :'''Harry''': ...well!
:'''Frank''': When you say Harry, I go... a-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha When you say the other guy, I go... ''[he just looks into the camera showing no emotion, Emmet, now looking really upset, continues to watch his friends being interviewed]''
:'''Surfer Dave''': I know that guy, but I know like zippy-zap about him.
::'''Emmet''': We just talked earlier.
:'''Frank''': And I mean, only does he is say yes to everything everybody else is doing.
:''[Larry the Barista guy is being interviewed]''
:'''Larry The Barista''': You know, I've got him like over the little bit of a...blank slate, I guess. [he talks to a customer] That'll be forty-two $42 dollars, please.
:'''Barry''': We all have something that makes us something, and Emmet is...nothing.
:''[The video stops. Emmet looks devastated; to Bad Cop]''
:'''Emmet''': There you go. I told you I wasn't a nobody.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Wyldstyle''': Oh, no. ''[Emmet and Wyldstyle enter the secret tunnel that closes, which causes the police cars and helicopter to crash and burn up]''
:'''Bad Cop''': Darn, darn, darn, darny, DARN!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Lord Business''': Although, you did let the Piece of Resistance go. The one thing that can ruin my plans, the one thing that I asked you to take care of! ''[Lord Business comes over to Bad Cop and puts one arm around his shoulder]'' That's super frustrating, it makes me just wanna pick up whoever's standing closet to me and just... '''''THROW THEM THROUGH THIS WINDOW, AND OUT INTO THE INFINITE ABYSS OF NOTHINGNESS!''''' ''[camera pans down to show the abyss going to a different world, then returns to the two. He picks up Bad Cop, takes him to the large glass window, and bangs his head against it]'' I wanna do it so bad!
:'''Bad Cop''': I know you do, sir. But please! Please, don't.
:'''Lord Business''': ''[as he throws Bad Cop aside]'' And it's not just you, Bad Cop, that keeps messing up my plans. People everywhere are always messing with my stuff. But I have a way to fix that. A way to keep things exactly the way they are supposed to be permanently. ''[he turns on his TV monitor which shows his robots carrying the box containing the Kragle]'' Behold the most powerful weapon of all the relics: '''THE KRAZY, RASCALLY, ASSISTANT, GLUE, LOCKER, ERASER!!! OTHERWISE KNOWN AS...''' ''[his robots open the box containing the Kragle and take it out]'' '''THE KRAGLE! IT WILL DESTROY THEM ALL, FOREVER!''' ''[we see the Kragle is in fact an old tube of Krazy Glue. Bad Cop gasps]'' As you can see, they're loading the Kragle in a big machine upstairs while sucking up apples and trees. I can also call it: ''The "Tentacle Arm Kragle Outside Sprayer"'', or ''TAKOS''! The "S" is silent. So, on Taco Tuesday, it's going to spray the Kragle over everyone and everything with a bunch of super scary nozzles, like this one. ''[the tentacle reaches out and comes over to Bad Cop]'' I'll show you how it works.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Emmet''': ''[Vitruvius goes over to Emmet and puts his hands against Emmet's head]'' What are you doing? ''[Vitruvius pulls off Emmet's hair revealing his Lego head]''
:'''Vitruvius''': We are entering your mind.
:'''Emmet''': <big><big><big>'''WHAT?!'''</big></big></big>
:'''Vitruvius''': ...to prove that you have the unlocked potential to be a Master Builder. ''[starts chanting in a magical language; Vitruvius and Wyldstyle start bowing and moving around Emmet until finally we see all of them in Emmet's mind which is a vast empty space]''
[[File:Vast empty land (2006).jpg|thumb|Whoa, are we inside my brain right now? It's big. I must be smart.]]
:'''Emmet''': Whoa, are we inside my brain right now? It's big. I must be smart.
:'''Wyldstyle''': Mm-Hmmm.
:'''Vitruvius''': I'm not hearin' a lot of activity here.
:'''Wyldstyle''': I don't think he's ever had an original thought in his life.
:'''Emmet''': ''[chuckles]'' That's not true. For instance, one time I wanted to have a bunch of my friends over to watch TV. ''[a TV forms behind him]'' Not unlike this TV that just showed up magically. And not everybody could fit on my one couch. ''[a couch forms behind him]'' And I thought to myself, well, what if there's such a thing as a bunk bed, but as a couch? ''[the couch forms into a double decker couch]'' Introducing the Double Decker Couch. So everyone could watch TV, together, and be buddies! ''[dead silence]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': That's literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
:'''Vitruvius''': Please, Wyldstyle. Let me handle this. ''[to Emmet]'' That idea is just the worst.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Vitruvius''': ''[as they float around Emmet's empty mind]'' There must be something around here that proves his potential. If The Man Upstairs chose him to the Special, there must be a reason.
:'''Emmet''': Who's The Man Upstairs?
:'''Wyldstyle''': See? He doesn't even know about The Man Upstairs.
:'''Emmet''': Does he have super gross hands that look like they're made out of big pink sausages, like eagle talons mixed with squid? ''[suddenly, they turn to see Emmet being raised up on a large human-like hand]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': Wait. You've seen the...? ''[Emmet turns and notices he's standing on a large hand]''
:'''Emmet''': Wow! That's what I was just thinking about!
:'''Wyldstyle''': How did you...?
:'''Emmet''': I had this weird dream when I touched the Piece. Well, I... I mean I wasn't asleep, so it wasn't really dream...
:'''Vitruvius''': Emmet, you had a vision.
:'''Emmet''': I did?
:'''Vitruvius''': Master Builders spend years training themselves to clear their minds enough to have even a fleeting glimpse of The Man Upstairs. And yet, your mind is already so prodigiously empty that there is nothing in it to clear away in the first place. With proper training you could become a great Master Builder.
:'''Emmet''': I could?
:'''Vitruvius''': The prophecy chose you, Emmet.
:'''Emmet''': But I can't do any of the stuff that the prophecy says I'm supposed to do.
:'''Vitruvius''': All you have to do is to believe, then you will see everything. Are you ready, my son?
:'''Emmet''': Yes, I am. I think.
:'''Vitruvius''': Then, we haven't a moment to lose. We must assemble the Master Builders.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Emmet''': Uh, is this Cloud Cuckoo Land? I don't see any clouds or cuckoos.
:'''Vitruvius''': No, no. This is Middle Zealand. A wondrous land full of knights, castles, muttons, torture weapons, poverty, leeches, illiteracy, and um...
:'''Emmet''': <big><big><big>'''DRAGON!'''</big></big></big> ''[the Batwing dives as a dragon swoops down]''
:'''Vitruvius''': Yeah, that too. ''[Batman transforms the Batwing into the Batmobile, lands the car into a forest area and drives through the woods]'' Once we arrive in Cloud Cuckoo Land, we'll raise an army of Master Builders...
:'''Batman''': Yeah, yeah, anyway. You guys gotta check out these new subwoofers I installed in the back, I call them ''The Dogs.'' Listen to them bark! ''[Batman turns on his stereo, sending heavy metal blasting through the Batmobile, making Emmet and Vitruvius bounce in the back]''
:'''Emmet''': Aaah! Can you turn that down a little bit?!
:'''Batman''': This is a song I wrote for Wyldstyle! ''[Wyldstyle smiles at Batman before singing with the song, we hear Batman's voice as he sings to the heavy metal music]'' ''Darkness!'' ''[to Emmet and Vitruvius]'' It's about how I'm an orphan! ''[the song continues]'' ''No parents!''
:'''Wyldstyle''': ''[Wyldstyle turns to Emmet]'' This is real music, Emmet. Batman's a true artist. Dark, brooding.
:'''Emmet''': Well, I'm dark and brooding too! ''[Emmet gasps, suddenly he notices something ahead]'' Look, a rainbow! ''[as they reach the rainbow]''
:'''Vitruvius''': So, you're gonna drive up the curved part, take it all the way to the top and park the car. ''[the Batmoblie stops, Batman drives up the rainbow and stops the car at the very top]'' Friends, welcome to Cloud Cuckoo Land. ''[an angelic chord plays as the camera pans down to the group standing in front of a rather large cloud, the rainbow disappears, and they are surrounded by clouds]'' Now, I just need to give the secret knock. ''[he turns and knocks once with his scepter on the cloud door, after a short pause the door bursts open and as they enter inside they hear music being played and everyone is happy and dancing around.]''
:'''Emmet''': I'm not sure about this place and what I am supposed to do.
[[File:Unikitty! (Print).svg|thumb|Hi! I am Princess Unikitty!]]
:'''Unikitty''': Hi! I am Princess Unikitty, and I welcome you all to Cloud Cuckoo Land, presented by [[w:Pikwik Pack|Pikwik Pack]]!
:''[Everyone cheers]''
:'''Emmet''': But there are no signs or anything! How can people know what not to do?
:'''Unikitty''': Here in Cloud Cuckoo Land, there are no rules! There's no government, no babysitters, no bedtimes, no frowny faces, no bushy mustaches, and no negativity of any kind.
:'''Wyldstyle''': You just said the word, "no", like a million times.
:'''Unikitty''': And there's also no consistency.
:'''Batman''': I ''hate'' this place.
:'''Unikitty''': All ideas are the good ones, except the not-so-good ideas. Those that push down deep inside where you'll never, ever, ever, ''[angrily tone]'' '''''[[w:The Last Roundup (My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic)|EVER]]'''''... ''[normal tone]'' find them! Your fellow Master Builders are gathered in the Dog!
:'''Emmet''': The what?
:'''French Narrator''': Meanwhile, at the dog...
:'''Emmet''': ''[Emmet gasps]'' Is that [[Superman]]?
:'''[[Statue of Liberty]]''': Bonjour.
:'''Superman''': Girl, what are you doing right now?
:'''[[Green Lantern]]''': ''[appears from behind Emmet]'' Hey, Superman!
:'''Superman''': Oh, hey... Hey, what's up?
:'''Green Lantern''': ''[fixing his mask]'' Lantern. Green Lantern.
:'''Superman''': Yeah, yeah.
:'''Green Lantern''': Do you wanna sit together at the meeting?
:'''Superman''': Uh, I have to, I have to go back to Krypton. ''[Superman quickly flies off]''
:'''Green Lantern''': ''[the camera pans to Vitruvius addressing the room at large]'' Did didn't Krypton blow up?
:'''Vitruvius''': My fellow, Master Builders, including, but not limited to: [[w:SpongeBob SquarePants (character)|SpongeBob SquarePants]], [[Robin Hood]], Mermaid Lady, [[The Hobbit|Gandalf]], [[w:Pete the Cat|Pete the Cat]], Swamp Creature, 1980-something Space Guy...
:'''Benny''': Hello!
:'''Vitruvius''': ...2002 NBA All-Stars and Wonder Woman. You have traveled far to be here for a moment of great import. We have learned that Lord Business plans to unleash a fully weaponized Kragle on Taco Tuesday, to end the world as we know it. ''[the Master Builders express their shock and outrage]'' Please, calm yourselves. Green Ninja, Milhouse, Nice Vampire, [[w:List of Max & Ruby episodes|Vampire Max]], [[Michelangelo]], [[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles|Michelangelo]] and [[Cleopatra]]. There is yet one hope, the Special has arisen.
:''[he steps aside to reveal Emmet while hushed murmurs spread around]''
:'''Gandalf''': Have the young man step forward.
:'''Vitruvius''': As you wish, ''[says it incorrectly]'' Dubbledore.
:'''Gandalf''': I’m Gandalf.
:'''Dumbledore''': It's pronounced Dumbledore.
:'''Vitruvius''': Dubbledore?
:'''Dumbledore''': No, Dumbledore.
:'''Vitruvius''': I thought you said Dubbledore.
:'''Gandalf''': Vitruvius?!
:'''Vitruvius''': Ah, we gotta write all that down 'cause I'm not gonna remember any of it, but here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech. [to Emmet] Go ahead man, you got this.
:'''Emmet''': Okay. ''[Emmet walks up to the platform and waves to everyone. He clears his throat]'' Hello, I'm Emmet. ''[referring to the Piece of Resistance]'' Oh, and this is the Piece of Resistance. ''[the Master Builders cheer. Wyldstyle watches in bewilderment]'' Thank you. Well, eeeeehhhh. I know that I for one am very excited to work with you guys, to get into the Octan Tower, find the Kragle and put this thing on the thing, and I know it's going to be really hard, but... ''[gets interrupted]''
:'''Metalbeard''': REALLY HARD?! ''[the audience gasps]'' Wiping ye bum with a hook for a hand is really hard, this be impossible! The last time we tried to storm Lord Business's office, we used every plan we could conceive. The result was a massacre too terrible to speak of.
:'''Emmet''': Who are you?
:'''Metalbeard''': The name be Metalbeard, and I'll tell you me tale of woe.
:'''Vitruvius''': Oh, great. Here we go again. ''[Metalbeard recounts his failed attempt in trying to infiltrate Lord Business's office]''
:'''Metalbeard''': I arrived at the foot of the tower with me hearty Master Builder crew, only to find the Kragle was all the way up on the infinitieth floor guarded by a robot army. And security measures of every kind imaginable, lasers, sharks, laser sharks, overbearing assistants, and strange dangerous relics that entrap, snap, and zap. And there be a mysterious room called "The Think Tank". I barely made it out of that room with just me head... ''[Metalbeard hops out of the tower with his head and escapes on his ship as it purrs away]'' and organs! ''[Metalbeard's organs pop out of the Octan tower and land in his ship and it purrs away again]''
:'''Emmet''': ''[disturbed]'' Okay.
:'''Metalbeard''': I had to replace every part of my once strapping virile pirate body with this useless hunk of garbage ye see before ye. So if ye think it'd be a good idea to return to that forsaken place, Special, what idea have ye that be better than the ideas of 100 of our fallen Master Builder brothers?
:'''Emmet''': Well, technically I'm not exactly a Master Builder yet.
:'''Metalbeard''': WHAT?! <big><big><big>'''WHAT THE HECK?!'''</big></big></big> ''[the other Master Builders shout in outrage]''
:'''Emmet''': Please, everyone, everyone! Please.
:'''[[William Shakespeare]]''': ''[throws a pizza]'' Rubbish!
:'''Emmet''': ''[addressing the Master Builders]'' Yes, it's true, I may not be a Master Builder. I may not have a lot of experience fighting or leading or coming up with plans, or having ideas in general. In fact, I'm not all that smart, and I'm not what you'd call a creative type, plus, generally unskilled, also, scared and cowardly. I know what you're thinking; "He is the least qualified person in the world to lead us!" And, you are right!
:'''Swamp Creature''': This is supposed to make us feel better?
:'''Vampire Max''': Grrrg!
:'''Unikitty''': Oh, no! Now everyone will pan The Lego Movie!
:'''Emmet''': What th-? No, there was about to be a but...
:'''Pete the Cat''': No!
:'''Gandalf''': You're a butt!
:'''Dumbledore''': Yes. ''[Outside Cloud Cuckoo Land, Metalbeard and a few knights and cowboys are leaving]''
:'''Metalbeard''': You all be on your own! I be leaved this lost cause! ''[Metalbeard jumps onto his ship and sails off Cuckoo Land, as it purrs]''
:'''Emmet''': Why are you leaving?!
:'''SpongeBob SquarePants''': You’re the worst special person that’s ever lived!
:'''[[Abraham Lincoln]]''': A house divided against itself would be better than this. ''[Lincoln jumps into his seat and it suddenly takes off like a spaceship]''
:'''Emmet''': Abraham Lincoln, you bring your space chair right back here! Come on, guys! ''[nearly gets hit by a falling object]'' We can ''[a Master Builder throws cheese at him]'' still do ''[another Master Builder throws a DVD disc at him]'' this! ''[yet another Master Builder throws a blue disc at him]'' Oh! Right?
:'''Master Builder #1''': You're not even a bit special.
:''[Wyldstyle, Batman and Unikitty sadly watch]''
:'''Batman''': [Batman whispering to Wyldstyle as they watch Emmet] Well, you were right about him being a ding-dong. ''[the Master Builders continue to jeer and throw things at Emmet]''
:'''Master Builder #2''': [[w:Box-office bomb|You're a huge disappointment!]]
:''[Emmet, sad and disappointed, turns and starts walking off]''
:'''Master Builder #3''': Get him out of here, I don't wanna look at him!
:''[dolphin chirp, cat yowl]''
:'''Emmet''': Well, at least it can't get any worse.
:'''Master Builder #4''': Special? Not! ''[A giant golf ball suddenly falls out of nowhere, destroying the Dog.]''
:'''Emmet''': I was wrong. ''[Emmet yells and runs away as the falling ball falls onto the ground, crashes through the eye of the dog, and squishes an Island Warrior Master Builder]''
:'''Superman''': It's the orb of ''Tee-te-list''!
:'''Bad Cop''': [[Scooby-Doo|Ruh-roh,]] [[The Bad Guys (film)|it's the bad guys.]]
<hr width=50%>
:'''Shaq''': Y’all ready for this? ''Oh no!'' They were ready for that.
:'''Superman''': ''IT DIDN'T BREAK!''
:'''Bad Cop''': Because it's Kragled. ''[to his robots]'' Machine gum! Fire! ''[they shoot at Superman with chewing gum making him splat to the ground stuck in the gum]''
:'''Superman''': ''[screams]'' I can't move.
:'''Green Lantern''': Don't worry, Superman! I'll get you out of there. ''[as Green Lantern goes to rescue Superman his hands get stuck in the gum and screams]'' Oh, my gosh! My hands are stuck! ''[he wriggles his legs and those get stuck in the gum too]'' My legs are stuck as well!
:'''Superman''': I super hate you.
:'''Emmet''': ''[as the robots have got holding of Emmet]'' [[The Lion King|Ow, you're pulling my *puzzled* off!!!]]
:'''Wyldstyle''': Babe, help me get him out of here!
:'''Batman''': I said every man for himself.
:'''Wyldstyle''': Hey, you gotta be there for me. ''[Batman groans as he falls and finally lands onto the ground]''
:'''Batman''': Fine! Fine, fine, fine! ''[reluctantly goes to her aide and fights off the robots attacking Emmet]'' Fine, fine, fine, fine!
:'''Wyldstyle''': I need you to have a better attitude about it!
:'''Batman''': I've a great attitude! ''[Batman gets the tracker off Emmet and throws it at one of the robots]''
:'''Bad Cop''': ''[Bad Cop picks up Emmet's tracker which is now attached to the robot] The Special's in the northwest quadrant, we've got him cornered. [he looks down but all he sees is the robot with the tracker attached to his head smacking into a wall]'' Where did he go?
:'''Unikitty''': Oh, no! They've hit our silly cloud stabilizer!
:'''Wyldstyle''': Let's go, we need to get Emmet outta here!
:'''Emmet''': Can't we build something? ''[suddenly, the space guy comes over to them]''
:'''Benny''': Hey, I'm Ben! But you can call me Benny! And I can build a spaceship. Watch this. ''[he starts building a spaceship and chanting along as he works]'' ''[Benny singing] Spaceship, spaceship, spaceship, spaceship! Spaceshi--!''
:'''Wyldstyle''': No, no, no, no! You can't, the skies are surrounded.
:'''Benny''': That's okay, I didn't really wanna build a spaceship. ''[Benny chuckles]'' Anyway, that's cool. ''[looks visibly disappointed as he kicks his half-built spaceship and it falls apart]''
:'''Unikitty''': Well, where can we go where we can’t be found?
:'''Batman''': How about we went underwater?
:'''Emmet''': In a submarine!
:'''Batman''': Great idea, a Bat submarine patent pending.
:'''Unikitty''': With rainbows!
:'''Vitruvius''': And dream catchers, just in case we took a nap.
:'''Benny''': Like an underwater spaceship!
:'''Emmet''': But we can't build all of them at once!
:'''Wyldstyle, Batman, Benny, Unikitty and Vitruvius''': ''[as they stick together like a team for a moment]'' <big>'''READY?! BREAK!'''</big>
:'''Emmet''': ''[as the others go off-screen]'' Okay.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Bad Cop''': ''[the group takes the submarine towards the water as Bad Cop at his robots are chasing after them]'' Stop him, stop him! ''[however, the submarine goes off the edge of a cloud and plunges down.]'' Don't let him get to the water! ''[as they get closer to the water]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': Dive, dive, dive! Everybody in! We're going under! ''[A submarine splashes, the submarine plunges into the water. Bad Cop grunts and throws the chair into the ocean]''
:''[We hear muffled screams and we then see Cloud Cuckoo Land being destroyed by the robots and the Master Builders handcuffed and taken as prisoners]''
:'''Wonder Woman''': Oh, no.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Batman''': ''[he trails off hoping for any positive comments]'' You are so disappointed on so many levels.
:'''Vitruvius''': Why are my pants cold and wet? ''[A shot of water rising in the sub]'' Uh...
:'''Computer''': ''[a wall is breached and even more water floods in]'' ''Hull breach!''
:'''Unikitty''': The walls are crying!
:'''Wyldstyle''': Oh, this thing's falling apart!
:'''Benny''': ''[as he tries to plug a hole]'' We're falling apart at the seams! ''[screams]'' ''[as the submarine starts to fall apart]''
:'''Batman''': We've got to hold it together! This is not how Batman dies! ''[Emmet screams, as the submarine fills with water, Emmet starts to drown. Wyldstyle reaches for him]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': '''Emmet!''' Hold on, hold on!
:'''Emmet''': '''Wyldstyle!'''
:''[the shot goes to outside the sub, red lights coming from the windows as it goes through the water as an alarm beeps faster and faster signaling a detonation]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': '''Deep breath!''' ''[gasps]'' '''Deep breath, everybody!!''' ''[the sub explodes. The camera follows a floating piece of debris to the surface, where Bad Cop and a few Micro Managers are looking around]''
:'''Bad Cop''': Micro-Managers, what's going on down there?
:'''Micro-Manager''': ''Scanning submarine wreckage. No survivors detected.''
:'''Bad Cop''': Scuba Cops? Dredge the entire ocean if you have to. We have got to find that piece. ''[Scuba Cops dive in the water to begin their search]'' Let's get these prisoners back to Lord Business and give him the good news: the Special is no more! ''[they all depart from the wreckage]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Superman''': All the Master Builders you've captured over the years, you brought them here!
:'''Lord Business''': You're a very perceptive person, Superman. They come up with all the instructions for everything in the universe. Robots!
:'''Robot''': Beep. ''[the robots strap a device to Superman's head]''
:'''Superman''': No, no! ''[groans]'' NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ''[shudders, then his chair shoots up to the top]'' Can't get much worse than this.
:'''Green Lantern''': Uh, hello, neighbor.
:'''Superman''': Oh, no.
:''[the screen zooms out and to the left, revealing Green Lantern]''
:'''Green Lantern''': It's Green Lantern. Oh my gosh, we’re roommates. How crazy is that?
:'''Superman''': Does anyone have some kryptonite that they can give me?
<hr width=50%>
:''[scene fades to the ocean by the double-decker couch is floating on the sea when Emmet and the others pop out of their hiding place from under the flip-up seats]''
:'''Vitruvius''': Well, we're still alive.
:'''Unikitty''': Yeah!
:'''Wyldstyle''': The double decker couch! It wasn't totally pointless after all!
:'''Benny''': ''[to Emmet]'' It's the one thing that stayed together.
:'''Vitruvius''': I always believed in you, Emmet.
:'''Batman''': I don't mean to spoil the party, but does anyone else notice we're stuck in the middle of the ocean on this couch? I mean, it's not like a big, gigantic ship is just gonna come out of nowhere and save us. ''[suddenly, a big, gigantic ship becomes visible as it comes over to them]'' My gosh!
:'''Metalbeard''': ''[he drives his pirate ship and picks up the double-decker couch]'' Avast, maties! I have returned!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Batman''': Well, it's kind of hard not to hear when you're yelling everything.
:'''Unikitty''': So, why did you come back?
:'''Metalbeard''': This bedoubled land couch. ''[everyone turns to look at Emmet's double-decker couch]'' I watched Lord Business's forces completely overlook it. Which means we need more ideas like it!
:'''Emmet''': Oh, thank you.
:'''Metalbeard''': Ideas so dumb and bad that no one would ever think they could possibly be useful.
:'''Emmet''': Oh, thank you.
:'''Vitruvius''': So Special, what do we do?
:'''Emmet''': Well, what's the last thing Lord Business would expect Master Builders to do?
:'''Benny''': Build a spaceship?
:'''Vitruvius''': Kill a chicken?
:'''Unikitty''': Marry a marshmallow!
:'''Metalbeard''': Why, this. ''[changes into a singing face: ♪Hum hum hum How ya gonna keep them down at the farm?♪]''
:'''Emmet''': No! It's follow the instructions.
:''[Everybody groans and complains]''
:'''Benny''': Don't do that.
:'''Unikitty''': Sounds weird, don’t it?
:'''Emmet''': No, wait guys. Listen. You guys are so talented and imaginative... but you can't work as a team. I'm just a construction worker, but when I have a plan and we were working together, we could build a skyscraper. Now you guys are Master Builders. Just imagine what you could do if you did that! You could save the universe!
:'''Vitruvius''': Well said, Emmet. Well said.
:'''Emmet''': Really?
:'''Metalbeard''': She be a fine speech there, laddie.
:'''Emmet''': Okay. Somebody get me some markers... some construction paper... and some GLITTER GLUE! ''[Emmet stands in front of the instructions he's drawn]'' I call this, "Emmet's plan to get inside the tower, put the Piece of Resistance on the Kragle and save the world". I've built a hundred just like them back in the city, if we could just get in there, I know where all the air ducts and wiring are located, I can get us anywhere.
:'''Vitruvius''': How will we get inside?
:'''Emmet''': ''[whispers]'' In a spaceship!
:'''Benny''': '''SPACESHIP!''' ''[Benny chuckles and rushes off excitedly to build a spaceship]''
:'''Batman''': Great idea, a Bat spaceship.
:'''Emmet''': No, they're expecting us to show up in a Bat spaceship, or a pirate spaceship, or a rainbow sparkled spaceship.
:'''Batman''': One of those sounds awesome to me.
:'''Emmet''': My idea is to build a spaceship that's exactly like all the other Octan Delivery Spaceships.
:'''Benny''': So not the special spaceship that I'm...I'm building for all of you right now?
:'''Emmet''': Sorry, Benny. Maybe next time.
:'''Benny''': Ooh, you're really letting the oxygen out of my tank here! ''[he kicks his spaceship and it falls to pieces again.]''
:'''Batman''': Yeah, but according to your precious instructions, this ship needs a hyperdrive. We don't have that part.
:'''Benny''': Maybe we could find one!
:'''Batman''': What do yo think, a spaceship's just gonna appear out of the blue? ''[suddenly, a spaceship appears behind them]'' Are you kidding me?! The same thing! ''[Star Wars main theme plays; the Millennium Falcon shows up and stops next to Metalbeard's ship]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Emmet''': Batman is the worst person I've ever met.
:'''Batman''': ''[suddenly, Batman appears behind them with the Millennium Falcon's hyperdrive]'' Need a hyperdrive?
:'''Emmet''': No way!
:'''Wyldstyle''': Babe!
:'''Emmet''': I knew it! I knew that!
:'''Wyldstyle''': ''[Chuckling]'' You really had me there!
:'''Batman''': Those guys were so lame, all they did was play space checkers, plus it turns out that hairy one's a dude, and the metal one too, all dudes.
:'''Benny''': But won't they notice their hyperdrive is missing?
:'''Han Solo''': ''[cut to the Millennium Falcon]'' Come on, Chewie, hit the hyperdrive!
:''[Suddenly, the spaceship loses power, and is eaten by an asteroid worm; cut back to the ship]''
:'''Batman''': Nah, they'll be fine.
:''[following Emmet's plan, the group work together to build a spaceship]''
:'''Emmet''': Step 1: Alright, we need a blue two-piece unit over at the... ''[Emmet notices Unikitty putting flowers into the spaceship]'' Unikitty, you're supposed to follow the instructions, remember?
:'''Unikitty''': Sorry.
:'''Wyldstyle''': ''[picking up a piece of Lego as they follow the instructions]'' Ugh, this gives me the jeebies.
:'''Batman''': What do I even...? I-I can't...! ''[kicks Lego pieces in frustration]''
:'''Emmet''': Nice. Step 2, we pilot the ship to the service entrance so we can get past the dangerous, but also kind of cool, laser gate.
:'''Robot''': ''[in their spaceship they get to the Octan service gate, Batman and Benny are in the driver's seat]'' Space ID.
:'''Batman''': I have a drive-on.
:'''Robot''': Who are you here to see?
:'''Batman''': I am here to see... your butt.
:'''Robot''': Is that last name "butt", first name "your", or is it- ''[Batman throws a Batarang at the Robot, decapitating him]'' OH, MY GOSH!
:'''Batman''': ''[Batman laughs then throws another Batarang at the gate button, but fails to hit it]'' Pow! [throws another which still doesn't hit it] Wham! ''[throws another and misses again]'' Kezap! ''[he then repeatedly throws several Batarangs until it finally hits the button, making it go green.]'' First try! ''[after they enter into Octan Tower]''
:'''Emmet''': Step 3, we break into Lord Business's office, and we'll plunder his collection of relics for disguises.'' ''[they break into Lord Business's office and use his relics to disguise themselves]'' Step 4, Benny and Metalbeard will sneak their way into the Master Control Room. ''[as Metalbeard and Benny break into the control room]''
:'''Computer''': Motion Sensors Triggered in Sector-12.
:'''Robot''': 10-4!
:'''Benny''': Uh-oh! ''[two security guard robots go to investigate, Metalbeard and Benny quickly hide as not to be detected, Metalbeard transforms into a photocopying machine.]''
:'''Robot''': Are you thinking what I'm thinking? ''[the other robot jumps onto the photocopying machine]'' Do it! ''[the robot starts photocopying his butt, both robots laugh and suddenly Metalbeard transforms back and destroys the two robots]''
:'''Benny''': Metalbeard, that was awesome!
:'''Metalbeard''': First law of the sea, never place your rear end on a pirate's face.
:'''Emmet''': Once inside they'll use their technical know-how to disable the kragle shield. ''[Metalbeard and Benny get inside the control room to disable the computer]''
:'''Computer''': I'm the computer.
:'''Benny''': Cool, talking computer! ''[Benny starts tapping into the computer]'' Please disable the shield systems.
:'''Computer''': Of course. There are no movies in your area with that title. ''[Benny grumbles as he falls onto the computer]''
:'''Emmet''': Step 5: Vitruvius will provide lookout to make sure we're not being followed. ''[Vitruvius looks through the binoculars, but as he's blind, he's unaware that he's standing in front of a wall]''
:'''Vitruvius''': Okay.
:'''Emmet''': Step 6: Batman and Unikitty go into the Board Room to make one last change to Lord Business's plan. ''[inside the Board Room Lord Business is holding a meeting]''
:'''Lord Business''': I move that we freeze the universe. Can I get a second on that? ''[suddenly, Bruce Wayne enters the room]''
:'''Bruce Wayne''': I second. Bruce Wayne, CEO of Wayne Enterprises. ''[cut to the group as they are going through their plan]''
:'''Batman''': Bruce Wayne?!? ''[chuckles]'' Who's that? Sounds like a cool guy. ''[the others, all clearly aware who Bruce Wayne is, stare at him in silence, Wyldstyle sighs. Bruce Wayne and a disguised Unikitty enter Lord Business's Board Room]''
:'''Bruce Wayne''': We'd like to invest in your company, your weapon to control the universe sounds super sweet, I must say.
:'''Lord Business''': It is indeed super sweet.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Cool! What kind of sound system does it have?
:'''Lord Business''': Uh, sound system? Well, I mean, we have an iPod shuffle.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Wait a second. You're telling me that you have a machine to control the universe and you can't listen to tunes and surround sound?
:'''Unikitty''': Embarrassing.
:'''Lord Business''': Well, I mean, we need to get that done. I want eight-foot speakers.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Great call.
:'''Lord Business''': Yeah, I want speakers that you can hug with your arms and your legs, and just feel the beat.
:''[cut to Lord Business's robots instructing the captive Master Builders in the Think Tank]''
:'''Robot''': Listen up! We need new instructions for a speaker system for the TAKOS!
:'''Gandalf''': We'll never help-! ''[suddenly, the device attached to their heads initiates and they all start coming up with the instructions]'' Whatever you say, boss!
:'''Emmet''': Then once the instructions are printed, Wyldstyle and I will enter the Kragle room, place the thing on the other thing, and save the universe. ''[cut to the group having their planning meeting]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, I didn't draw that. ''[points to a drawing of himself, as he saves the universe]'' Is that me exploding?
:'''Vitruvius''': Uh, I didn't mention that earlier, when you reunite the Piece with the Kragle, it might explode?
:'''Emmet''': No! But it might not, right?
:'''Vitruvius''': Sure, sure, sure. Just go with that.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Vitruvius is defeated by Lord Business.]''
:'''Emmet''': Vitruvius! NO! Vitruvius.
:'''Vitruvius''': My sweet Emmet, come closer. You must know something about the prophecy.
:'''Emmet''': I know, I'm doing my best, but I d-
:'''Vitruvius''': The prophecy... I made it up.
:'''Emmet''': What?
:'''Vitruvius''': I made it up. It's not true.
:'''Emmet''': But that means I'm just... I'm not the Special?
:'''Vitruvius''': ''[last words before his death]'' You must listen. What I'm about to tell you will change the course of history… BLEAGH!… ''[dies]''
:'''Emmet''': No. No. ''[the group looks visibly sad as they are led away by the robots]''
:'''Lord Business''': Hey, not so special anymore, huh? ''[the robots strapped each of the group into one of the Think Tank seats]'' Well, guess what? No one ever told me I was special. I never got a trophy just for showing up. I'm not some special little snowflake, no! ''[the micro-manager robot picks up Emmet and straps him onto a battery]'' But as un-special as I am, you are a thousand billion times more un-special than me. Robots, bring me the Sword of Exact-0!
:'''Robots''': Yes, Lord Business. ''[the robots hand Lord Business an Xacto razor and he walks over to Emmet]''
:'''Lord Business''': Must be weird. One minute, you're the most special person in the universe. And the next minute… you're nobody! ''[uses the razor to cuts the Piece of Resistance from Emmet's back]'' Oh, I have a nice spot for this in my relic room. ''[he accidentally throws the Piece of Resistance through the window, breaking it.]'' Uh-oh, my mistake! There it goes!
:'''Wyldstyle''': No!
:'''Lord Business''': Bye-bye, forever! ''[the Piece of Resistance falls into the abyss]'' Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do! ''[he turns to his robots]'' ROBOTS! RELEASE THE KRAGLE! START THE COUNTDOWN! ''[his presses the button]'' and Computer?
:'''Computer''': Yes, sir?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Benny''': Emmet, you'll... you'll think of something, right? Like you always do.
:'''Emmet''': Didn't you hear him? The prophecy's made up. I'm not the Special. To think for a moment I thought I might be.
:'''Vitruvius''': Emmet. ''[suddenly, Emmet hears Vitruvius's ghostly voice]''
:'''Emmet''': Who said that?
:'''Vitruvius''': I did. ''[Vitruvius's ghostly form appears behind Emmet]'' I am ghost Vitruvius. Ooooh! ''[he glides over to face Emmet]'' Emmet, you didn't let me finish earlier because I died. The reason I made up the prophecy was because I knew that whoever found the Piece could become the Special. Because the only thing anyone needs to be special is to believe that you can be. I know that sounds like a cat poster, but it's true. Look at what you did when you believed you were special. You just need to believe it some more.
:'''Emmet''': But how can I just decide to believe that I'm special, when I'm not?
:'''Vitruvius''': Because the world depends on it. Ooooh! ''[the ghostly form of Vitruvius starts to glide away]''
:'''Computer''': Zapping termination in thirty-five Mississippi...
:'''Emmet''': <big><big><big>'''WHAT?!'''</big></big></big>
:'''Computer''': Thirty-four Mississippi, thirty-three Mississippi, thirty-two Mississippi, thirty-one Mississippi, thirty Mississippi, twenty-nine Mississippi, twenty-eight Mississippi, twenty-seven Mississippi, twenty-six Mississippi, twenty-five Mississippi... ''[as the countdown continues, Emmet gets an idea, manages to dislodge the battery from its holding place, and rolls himself with the battery toward the window.]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': Emmet! What are you...? ''[Emmet rolls himself towards the edge of the broken window and looks down into the abyss]''
:'''Emmet''': Whoa! ''[he looks back at Wyldstyle]'' Lucy!
:'''Wyldstyle''': Wait! What are you...? What are you...?
:'''Emmet''': Now it's your turn to be the hero. ''[Wyldstyle realizing what Emmet is planning to do]''
:'''Computer''': Thirteen, Mississippi.
:'''Wyldstyle''': No!
:'''Computer''': Twelve Mississippi, Eleven Mississippi...
:'''Emmet''': See you later, alligator.
:'''Computer''': Ten Mississippi...
:'''Wyldstyle''': Don't! ''[Emmet jumps out the broken window.]''
:'''Emmet''': Ahhh!
:'''Computer''': Nine Mississippi, eight Mississippi...
:'''Wyldstyle''': ''[gasps]'' No, EMMET! ''[as the computer countdown continues, Emmet starts falling into the abyss]''
:'''Emmet''': Aaaaaaaahhh!
:'''Computer''': Seven Mississippi, six Mississippi...
:'''Emmet''': Aaah!
:'''Computer''': Five Mississippi, four Mississippi, three Mississippi, two Mississippi... ''[as Emmet gets nearer to the abyss, the battery he's strapped to snaps off the wires.]'' One Mississippi, zero, Missi- Error. Termination failure. ''[as the detonation sequence deactivates, the Master Builders are freed from their captivity]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': Emmet! ''[she rushes over to the edge of the window, and looks down into the abyss. However, Emmet is gone]'' '''''NO!''''' ''[the other Master Builders gather round]''
:'''Gandalf''': He... he saved us.
:'''Unikitty''': Well, what do we do now? There's gotta be a bright side here somewhere?
:'''Superman''': Does anyone have any ideas?
:'''Benny''': Emmet had ideas.
:'''Metal Beard''': Arr, if only there were more people in the world like he? ''[suddenly, Wyldstyle has an idea and looks round to the screen showing the citizen of Bricksburg as they are getting glued]''
<hr width="50%">
:'''Wyldstyle''': Hey, everybody. You don't know me, but I'm on TV, so you can trust me. I know things seem kind of bad right now, but there is a way out of this. This is Emmet. ''[footage of Emmet is shown]'' And he was just like all of you. A face in the crowd, following the same instructions as you. He was so good at fitting in, no one ever saw him. And I owe you an apology, because I used to look down on people like that. [''Wyldstyle's broadcast is watched by all Lego citizens across the realms in the universe, including Middle Zealand, where a knight is reading out form a scroll]''
:'''Knight''': I used to think they were followers with no ideas or brains.
:'''Wyldstyle''': Because it turns out Emmet had great ideas. And if they seemed weird, and kind of pointless, they actually came closer than anyone else to saving the universe. And now we have to finish what he started by making whatever weird thing pops into our heads. All of you have the ability inside of you to be a ground breaker. And I mean literally, break the ground! Peel off the pieces, and tear apart your walls! Build things only you could build, defend yourselves! We need to fight back against President Business's plans to freeze us! ''[the Lego citizens start putting Lego pieces together and building things]'' Today will not be known as Taco Tuesday, it will be known as Freedom Friday! ''[the citizens start cheering]'' But still on a Tuesday! ''[suddenly, they are interrupted as the robots appear in the studio.]''
:'''Robot''': End of the line! ''[just as the robots are about to attack, they are quickly killed off by Bad Cop]''
:'''Wylstyle''': Bad Cop?
:'''Bad Cop''': I hope there's still a Good Cop in me somewhere. ''[draws a new face for Good Cop with a dark-gray marker]''
:'''Scribble Cop (Good Cop)''': I'll hold these guys off. You go stop 'em. Yay!
:'''Metalbeard''': Great idea! But how will we get there? ''[suddenly, Benny starts having an idea]''
[[File:Lego Classic Space Dropship - MOC Lego model on display at Bricks by the Bay 2013 in Santa Clara, California.jpg|thumb|I could, eeehhh... I could build a... I could build a... I could build a spaceship!]]
:'''Voice Man''': T-minus 10, 9, 8...
:'''Benny''': I could, eeehhh...
:'''Voice Man''': ...7, 6, 5, 4...
:'''Benny''': I could build a...
:'''Voice Man''': ...3, 2...
:'''Benny''': I could build a...
:'''Voice Man''': ...1!
:'''Benny''': I could build a spaceship! ''[he looks around to see if anyone disagrees]'' You-you're not-you're not going to say "No"?
:'''Scribble Cop''': Build away, whatever your name is!
:'''Benny''': ''[laughs and jumps around in excitement as he quickly assembles a spaceship]'' SPACESHIP! ''[Benny and the team fly the spaceship through the different realms]'' SPACESHIP! SPACESHIP! SPACESHIP! SPACESHIP! SPACESHIP! ''[the team are spotted by the robots]''
:'''Robot''': All units, attack that spaceship! ''[the robots chase after the spaceship in their aircraft and start shooting at it]''
:'''Benny''': <big><big><big>'''SPACESHIP!'''</big></big></big> ''[quickly steers the spaceship away from sight]''
:'''Robot''': Where did he go?! ''[suddenly, the spaceship flies up through the robots' aircraft, destroying them]''
:'''Benny''': SPACESHIP!
:'''Unikitty''': ''[as they fly over Bricksburg]'' Wyldstyle, look! It's the citizens! ''[the citizens have built aircraft which they are using to attack Lord Business's robots]''
:'''Abraham Lincoln''': And don't forget us, we're Master Builders.
:'''Lord Business''': What is going on?! You stop building that stuff! Just stop it!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Wylstyle''': If only Emmet was here to see this. He'd say something adorable, like... ''[it cuts to Emmet, who is falling through the deep vortex of the abyss.]''
:'''Emmet''': '''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' Am I just gonna keep... falling... '''FOREVERRRRRRRRR??!!!?????!!!!!!!!!!!''' ''[finally, Emmet lands somewhere and it cuts to blackness; the thud noises are heard as he lands hardly.]''
:''[Emmet becomes conscious, but he finds he can't move, but is able to think]''
:'''Emmet''': Is this another vision? Where am I? ''[he sees the sign for the Octan Tower.]'' Is that the office tower? ''[we see Emmet has fallen on the ground in a live-action basement where all the different Lego realms, including Bricksburg, have been assembled on a large table]'' Bricksburg! ''[Boom! He suddenly feels the ground shaking as if someone has taken a giant footstep]'' What was that?! ''[cuts to a human’s legs running around the basement heading towards Emmet]'' No, no, no, no! ''[a human accidentally steps on Emmet as it carries on running.]'' Ahhh! ''[A human is playing with the Lego set and actually carrying the spaceship Benny had built as if it's flying.]''
::'''Finn''': ''Spaceship! Spaceship!''
:'''Emmet''': What in the world is that? ''[he continues to watch a human (which reveals to be a boy named Finn) playing with the Lego spaceship]'' It's... adorable. ''[suddenly, Finn notices Emmet lying on the floor]'' Uh-oh! ''[Finn comes over to pick Emmet up]'' No! No! No, no, no, no! Hey, don't eat me! Don't eat me! Do not eat me! Please! ''[Finn gently picks Emmet up and looks at him]''
::'''Finn''': Hi, Emmet.
:'''Emmet''': Uh... hi? ''[Finn stares at him]'' Is this The Man...? ''[suddenly, the basement door opens and the shadow of a man appears at the top of the stairs and he starts walking down the stairs]'' The Man Upstairs. ''[when the man reaches the last step, the shadow reveals it's Finn's father wearing a business suit and looking annoyed, which is look-alike of Lord Business.]''
::'''The Man Upstairs''': What happened?! ''[as he sees all the different Lego pieces all over the place]'' No, no, no. This is a disaster. Why...why is...? What? What?! What?! The-the...why is the dragon on top of the luxury condo development?!
::'''Finn''': I was just playing and...
[[File:The Lego Movie movie set at legoland ca DSC 8563 (14501619997).jpg|thumb|Look, I know it's hard to understand. But this is Dad's stuff, okay? All of this that you see before you is all your father's.]]
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Look, I know it's hard to understand. But this is Dad's stuff, okay? All of this that you see before you is all your father's. And everything is thought out, there's... ''[he looks around and sees the top of Octan Tower missing]'' What did you down here?? Did you take the top off of the tower?!?
::'''Finn''': It was an accident.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': You end up accidentally, expertly, dangerously, and carefully took the entire top off of that tower?
::'''Finn''': Yes.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': You know the rules, this isn't a toy!
::'''Finn''': Um...it kind of is.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': No, actually it's a highly sophisticated inter-locking brick system.
::'''Finn''': But we bought it at the toy store.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': We did, but they way I'm using it makes it an adult thing.
::'''Finn''': The box for this one said "Ages 8 to 14"!
::'''The Man Upstairs''': That's a suggestion. They have to put that on there.
::'''Finn''': Because maybe we won't be able to resist playing with all this.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Look, I move your stuff over near to the decorations. All those bricks, you can build anything you want. ''[Emmet sees the larger Lego pieces piled together in a box, he notices Finn looking sad]'' Finn, we're gonna play a little game. It's called "let's put everything back the way you found it."
::'''Finn''': But, Dad, you don't understand…
::'''The Man Upstairs''': So I can make things they way they're supposed to be. ''[he turns goes over to the nearby table and picks up a tube of Krazy Glue]'' Permanently.
:'''Emmet''': More Kragles?! ''[back in the Lego world, Lord Business tries to stop the citizens from fighting back]''
:'''Lord Business''': This rebellion ends right now! ''[he releases a bunch of micro-managers onto the city and they start attacking, then we see Finn's father is actually the micro-manger as using the Krazy Glue to stick a flying Lego truck the onto the Lego board]''
:'''Bricksburg Citizen''': Oh, no! ''[then we see a Lego fireman who's build a machine out of his fire truck to fight off the micro-managers]''
:'''Fireman''': Ha-ha! Fire in the hole! ''[Finn's father goes to pick up the fireman's truck]'' Wait! What's happening? No, wait! No, we're going down! ''[Finn's father destroys the assembled fire truck Lego piece]'' No! ''[we see one of Emmet's neighbors, Sharon, who's build a sled with her cats tied to the front as they rush away from the micro-managers]''
:'''Cat''': Meow. Meow.
:'''Sharon''': Hold on, dear, we're coming for you. ''[the micro-manager gets her which is Finn's father gluing Sharon to the Lego board.]'' Ah!
:'''Emmet''': Stop!
:'''Sharon''': Oh no! ''[Emmet watches in horror as Finn's father continues to glue the Lego pieces]''
:'''Metal Beard''': Arr, there be too many micro-managers!
::''[Finn's father is holding Benny's spaceship in his hand]''
::'''The Man Upstairs''': What am I holding here?
::'''Finn''': It's a battleship.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': No, it's a hodge-podge that's what it is. What's Batman doing on it? ''[he throws Batman off the spaceship then picks up Metal Beard]'' What is this? A robot pirate? ''[he throws Metal Beard down and he lands next to Batman]''
:'''Batman''': Dang it. ''[Emmet watches all this in horror as Finn holds him]''
:'''Emmet''': Stop! Stop it! No! Stop it! Stop! ''[Finn's father notices Emmet in Finn's hand]''
::'''The Man Upstairs''': You got glue all over that construction worker. Here, give that to me. ''[he takes Emmet from Finn]''
:'''Emmet''': Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! ''[he looks down and sees all his friends scattered all over the Lego board]'' All of those are my friends! No! Stop it!
:'''Metal Beard''': We were a hearty crew, but it be… it be over.
:'''Emmet''': No! ''[Finn's father turns Emmet around in his hand and Emmet notices the Piece of Resistance on the floor]'' The Piece of Resistance! I can still save them.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Let's get this gunk off this construction worker. ''[he places Emmet on his work table]''
[[File:The Lego Movie movie set at legoland ca DSC 8587 (14684885111).jpg|thumb|"He's not just a construction worker, Dad. He's the hero." </br> "No, he's not. He is a ordinary, regular, generic construction worker, and I need to put him back the way he was.]]
::'''Finn''': He's not just a construction worker, Dad. He's the hero.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': No, he's not. He is a ordinary, regular, generic construction worker, and I need to put him back the way he was. Now, where is my Xacto knife? ''[as Emmet lies on the table]''
:'''Emmet''': I gotta get the Piece of Resistance. If I could get the attention of the smaller creature. I gotta move. ''[Finn's father continues to look for his knife]''
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Where is that? ''[using all his strength Emmet manages to slightly move on the table catching Finn's father's eye, but he quickly dismisses and looks away]'' Alright. ''[Emmet starts to twitch more on the table and every time he moves, Finn's father turns to look at him not sure of what he's seen. And as he turns back to look for his knife, Emmet tries to move again]''
:'''Emmet''': M-m-move! ''[he finally manages to move enough to drop himself off the table]'' Ow! ''[this catches Finn's attention]''
::'''Finn''': Uh, Dad?
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Yeah?
::'''Finn''': I think I saw the Xacto over there in Middle Zealand.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Oh, great. Thank you.
::'''Finn''': You're welcome. ''[as he goes to get the knife, Finn quickly goes over and picks Emmet from the floor and hands him the Piece of Resistance]'' It's up to you now, Emmet. ''[he then turns and looks at a cat poster with the phrase "Believe" written on it which Emmet also notices, he then remembers what Vitruvius had told him. And then, suddenly, the cat's mouth on the poster starts moving as Vitruvius speaks]''
:'''Vitruvius''': Believe. I know that sounds like a cat poster, but it's true. ''[Finn uses a magic Lego portal that he's built to send Emmet down, where he can start moving again, and crashes back in Bricksburg.]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Lord Business''': You see your friends? Oh, they're finished! And my world is almost finished. ''[the micro-managers capture Emmet's friends]'' And the last thing I need to do is finish you. ''[he walks over to Emmet and points the glue at him]''
:'''Emmet''': No, stop! Please! If you do one thing and I'm gonna unleash my secret weapon!
:'''Lord Business''': Your secret weapon?
:'''Emmet''': Yes. It's called "the power of the Special."
:'''Lord Business''': That sounds dumb.
:'''Emmet''': Alright. Here it comes. My secret weapon...is this. ''[he holds up his hand]''
:'''Lord Business''': What is that? Is it super small? I don't see anything.
:'''Emmet''': It's my hand. I want you to take it.
:'''Lord Business''': You want me to take your hand off?
:'''Emmet''': No. I want you to join me. Look at all of these things that people built. ''[he points to the TV monitors showing the Lego citizens in their various fighting machines]'' You might see a mess...
:'''Lord Business''': Exactly! And a bunch of weird dorky stuff that ruined my perfectly good stuff!
:'''Emmet''': Okay. What I see are people inspired by each other, and by you. People taking what you made and making something new out of it. ''[this serves as a parallel to the real world where Finn's father looks at the Lego pieces Finn has assembled together]''
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Finn, did you make all of this? ''[Finn nods]''
::'''Finn''': The people are trying to stop President Business from using the Kragle.
::'''The Man Upstairs''': W-What's the Kragle?
[[File:P1110837 (5052357692).jpg|thumb|So President Business is the bad guy? If... If the construction guy... said something to President Business... what would he say?]]
::'''Finn''': Um... it's in there. ''[he points to the big black box which is President Business's aircraft]''
::'''The Man Upstairs''': In here? ''[Finn's father opens the top of the aircraft and takes out President Business, he then looks around the room where he's put up "Do Not Touch" signs all over the Lego pieces he'd built]'' So President Business is the bad guy? ''[Finn doesn't reply and looks down]'' If... If the construction guy... said something to President Business... what would he say?'' [back in the Lego world, Emmet delivers his speech to President Business]''
:'''Emmet''': You… don't have to be… the bad guy. You are the most talented, most interesting, and extraordinary person in the universe. And you are capable of amazing things, because you are the Special. ''[Lord Business looks shocked and lowers the Kragle]'' And so am I. And so is everyone. The prophecy is made up, but it's also true. It's about all of us. Right now, it's about you. And you, still, can change everything. ''[he holds up the Piece of Resistance. Business, touched by Emmet's speech drops the Kragle and starts walking over to him. Cut to the real world where Finn's father approaches his son, kneels down and hugs Finn, at the same time in Lego world, we see Lord Business is hugging Emmet.]''
:'''Emmet''': Oh, we got a hugger. ''[Emmet hands the Piece of Resistance to Lord Business]'' Be careful, I have been told... it might explode.
:''[Lord Business winks at Emmet, makes his way to the Kragle, in the real world, Finn's father places the lid on the Krazy Glue. At the same time, Lord Business places the Piece of Resistance on to the Kragle and into the TAKO device]''
:'''Lord Business''': ''[strains, exhales deeply]'' Emmet, thank you. And I just want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, from this moment forward, I solemnly promise that I will never--
:''[suddenly, the Kragle explodes, causing all the micro-managers and nozzles to de-activate. Emmet lands in the middle of the city where his friends are.]''
:'''Benny''': '''''EMMET!'''''
:'''Metalbeard''': '''''Emmet, arr!'''''
:'''Emmet''': ''[Chuckling]'' Hey, everyone! Is everyone okay? Where's Lucy? ''[Unikitty giggles and laughs, as the micro-managers fall down]'' ''[Wyldstyle comes up from under a micro-manager]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': Emmet!
:'''Emmet''': Lucy! ''[Emmet rushes over to her and Wyldstyle jumps into his arms]''
:'''Wyldstyle''': We did it! ''[Unikitty laughs]'' ''[Batman clears throat. Just as Emmet and Wyldstyle are about to hold hands Batman interrupts them]'' ''[Emmet gasps]'' Oh, eeehhh. Emmet, wait. Batman, there's something I need to say to you!
:'''Batman''': No, Wyldstyle. I mean, Lucy! ''[he points to Emmet]'' He's the hero you deserve!
:'''Wyldstyle''': ''[Wyldstyle smiles and Emmet looks behind him to see who Batman was pointing at]'' Thanks, Batman!
:'''Unikitty''': ''[giggles. Wyldstyle turns Emmet's face towards her and they finally hold hands as everyone cheers for them. We see Vitruvius's ghostly form hovering over the city watching them]''
:'''Ghost Vitruvius''': ''[breaking the fourth wall]'' I liked Emmet ''before'' he was cool. ''[we see Business is pouring an antidote to unstick everybody]''
:'''President Business''': Whoops! I have the antidote for the Kragle! How did that happen?
:''[at the same time in the real world Finn's father is pouring glue removed all over the Lego pieces as Finn watches]''
::'''Finn''': De-kragler!
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Watch this. YEAH! ''[as Finn's father pours glue remover onto Pa and Ma Cop Finn reunites Bad Cop with his parents]''
::'''Finn''': ''[[w:Robots (2005 film)|Oh, Mommy, Daddy, you're okay!]]''
:''[scene changes to Bad Cop reunited with his parents]''
:'''Ma Cop''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, son! ''[Bad Cop, who's now using his drawn-on Good Cop face, hugs his parents.]''
:'''Good Cop''': Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
:'''Pa Cop''': ''[chuckles]'' We're okay, son. ''[Pa Cop chuckles. In the real world, Finn and his father are playing with the Lego pieces]''
::'''Mom''': ''[calls out]'' Hey, guys? Time to come up for dinner! It’s Taco Tuesday, your favorite!
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Okay, honey, we'll, be up in a sec.
::'''Finn''': Oh, yeah, we'll be up in a sec!
::'''The Man Upstairs''': I got to tell you something.
::'''Finn''': What?
[[File:Собака lego.jpg|thumb|"Now that I'm letting you come down here and play, guess who else gets to come down here and play?" <br>"Who?" <br>"Your sister."]]
::'''The Man Upstairs''': Now that I'm letting you come down here and play, guess who else gets to come down here and play?
::'''Finn''': Who?
::'''The Man Upstairs''': [[The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part|Your sister.]]
::'''Finn''': ''[surprised]'' What?
:''[last lines; as everyone Emmet and the gang are having a feast on the Double-Decker couch]''
:'''Emmet''': Well, things sure have a way of working out smoothly, am I right, guys? ''[suddenly, an alien spaceship hovers above them]'' Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat...?!
:''[a trio of [[w:Duplo|Duplo]] alien figures descend into the Lego world.]''
:'''Duplo''': ''[Baby voice]'' We are from the planet Duplo, and we're here to destroy you.
:'''Emmet''': Oh, man.
== Taglines ==
* The story of a nobody who saved everybody.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Chris Pratt|Chris Pratt]] as Emmet Brickowski
* [[Will Ferrell]] as President Business/Lord Business/The Man Upstairs
* [[w:Elizabeth Banks|Elizabeth Banks]] as Wyldstyle/Lucy
* [[Will Arnett]] as [[wikipedia:Batman|Batman]]
* [[w:Nick Offerman|Nick Offerman]] as Metal Beard
* [[w:Alison Brie|Alison Brie]] as Princess Unikitty
* [[w:Charlie Day|Charlie Day]] as Benny
* [[w:Liam Neeson|Liam Neeson]] as Bad Cop/Good Cop/Pa Cop
* [[Morgan Freeman]] as Vitruvius
* [[w:Jadon Sand|Jadon Sand]] as Finn
* [[w:Melissa Sturm|Melissa Sturm]] as Gail/Ma Cop
* [[w:Keith Ferguson|Keith Ferguson]] as [[Han Solo]]
* [[w:Billy Dee Williams|Billy Dee Williams]] as [[Lando Calrissian]]
* [[Anthony Daniels]] as [[w:C-3PO|C-3PO]]
* [[Shaquille O'Neal|Shaquille O'Neal as himself]]
* [[Jake Johnson]] as Barry
* [[w:Robbie Daymond|Robbie Daymond]] as Randy (uncredited)
* [[w:David Franco|Dave Franco]] as Wally
* [[w:Keegan-Michael Key|Keegan-Michael Key]] as Foreman Jim
* [[w:Will Forte|Will Forte]] as [[Abraham Lincoln|Lego Abraham Lincoln]]
* [[w:Jorma Taccone|Jorma Taccone]] as [[William Shakespeare|Lego William Shakespeare]]/Sheriff Not a Robot
* [[w:David Burrows|David Burrows]] as Octan Robot and Super Secret Police Robots
* [[w:Chris Romano|Chris Romano]] as [[w:Plumber|Plumber]] Joe
* [[w:Amanda Farinos|Amanda Farinos]] as Mom
* [[w:Chris McKay|Chris McKay]] as Larry the [[w:Barista|Barista]]
* [[w:Todd Hansen|Todd Hansen]] as [[w:Gandalf|Gandalf]]/Swamp Creature
* [[w:Doug Nicholas|Doug Nicholas]] as [[w:Surfer|Surfer]] Dave/Micro Managers
* [[w:Chris Paluszek|Chris Paluszek]] as [[w:Robot|Robot]] [[w:Foreman|Foreman]]
* [[w:Kelly Lafferty|Kelly Lafferty]] as Lord Business' Assistant
* [[w:Graham Miller|Graham Miller]] as Lego [[w:Duplo|Duplo]]
* [[w:Leiki Veskimets|Leiki-Veskimets]] as Octan [[w:Computer|Computer]]
* [[w:Phil Lord and Chris Miller|Chris Miller]] as [[w:TV Presenter|TV Presenter]]
== External links ==
* {{Commonscat-inline}}
* {{imdb title| id=1490017| title=The Lego Movie }}
{{DEFAULTSORT:LEGO Movie, The}}
{{wikipedia}}
{{The Lego Movie}}
{{Batman}}
{{Lego Group}}
{{DC Comics animated films}}
{{Warner Animation Group}}
[[Category:2014 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Australian 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Dystopian films]]
[[Category:Films based on toys]]
[[Category:The Lego Movie]]
[[Category:Films about parallel universes]]
[[Category:Animated films about parallel universes]]
[[Category:Animated Batman films]]
[[Category:Postmodern films]]
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Tank Man
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Dronebogus
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[[File:Intersection of East Chang'an Avenue and Nanheyan Street, Beijing, 2014.jpg|thumb| He risked a good and honorable death to stand up nonviolently for what is right. —[[George Donnelly]]]]
The '''[[w:Tank Man|Tank Man]]''', or the '''Unknown Protester''', is the nickname of an anonymous male [[dissent|dissident]] who engaged in nonviolent [[civil disobedience]] by standing in front of a column of tanks on June 5, 1989, the morning after the [[Communism|Communist]] [[People's Liberation Army|Chinese military]] had [[suppression|suppressed]] the [[1989 Tiananmen Square protests]] by force. The man achieved widespread international recognition due to the videotape and photographs taken of the incident despite [[censorship]] of the event by the [[China|Chinese]] [[government]]. Although some have identified the man as '''Wang Weilin''' (王維林),, the real name has not been confirmed and little is known about him or of his fate after the confrontation that day. It is not even known whether this brave individual is [[alive]]. In April 1998, ''Time'' included the "'''Unknown Rebel'''" in a feature titled ''Time 100: The Most Important People of the Century''.
==Misattributed==
{{Misattributed begin}}
*Why are you here? My city is in chaos because of you!
** [http://www.time.com/time/time100/leaders/profile/rebel.html The Unknown Rebel] ''Time'' profile. Retrieved January 10, 2006.
*Go back! Turn around! Stop killing my people!
**These two statements are frequently attributed to '''Tank Man''' on the Internet. While it seems clear from the footage that some communication occurred between '''Tank Man''' and the soldiers in the front tank, no confirmation has ever been made as to what was actually spoken.
{{Misattributed end}}
==Quotes about Tank Man==
*I don't think this man was killed by the tank. I can't confirm whether this young man you mentioned was arrested or not. I think that he was never killed.
**[[Jiang Zemin]], when asked about Tank Man of the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests during an interview with [[w:Barbara Walters|Barbara Walters]], as quoted in [https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/tankman/etc/transcript.html "The Tank Man"] (1990), ''PBS''.
*He was never arrested. I don't know where he is now.
**Jiang Zemin, when asked about Tank Man of the 1989 Tiananmen Square protests during an interview with [[w:Mike Wallace|Mike Wallace]], as quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/chinas-leader-talks-to-60-minutes "China's Leader Talks To 60 Minutes"] (31 August 2000), ''CBS''.
*By putting his life on the line in front of his government's tanks, he provided not only one of the most memorable images of the last 35 years but one of the most inspiring too. The free China of the future owes him a statue or two.
**"35 Heroes of Freedom: Celebrating the people who have made the world groovier and groovier since 1968," in [[Reason (magazine)|''Reason'' magazine]] (December 2003) {{cite web|url=http://reason.com/archives/2003/12/01/35-heroes-of-freedom/2|title=35 Heroes of Freedom: Celebrating the people who have made the world groovier and groovier since 1968|accessdate=2014-03-01|publisher=''Reason''}}
*Twenty years ago, on June 5, 1989, following weeks of huge protests in Beijing and a crackdown that resulted in the deaths of hundreds, a lone man stepped in front of a column of tanks rumbling past Tiananmen Square. The moment instantly became a symbol of the protests as well as a symbol against oppression worldwide — an anonymous act of defiance seared into our collective consciousnesses.
**[[Patrick Witty]], "Behind the Scenes: Tank Man of Tiananmen," in ''The New York Times LENS Blog'' (2009) {{cite web|url=http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/03/behind-the-scenes-tank-man-of-tiananmen/|title=Behind the Scenes: Tank Man of Tiananmen|accessdate=2014-03-01|first=Patrick|last=Witty |work=The New York Times LENS Blog}}
*On June 5th, 1989 one individual had enough of the oppression he and others had long-endured from one of the biggest and most ruthless gangs ever to exist. Left with few other options after decades of rights-usurpations, the man stood up to the aggressors and very literally put his life on the line by standing in front of a column of tanks. Though never identified with absolute certainty, he became known as '''The Tank Man'''.
**[[Pete Eyre]], "The Tank Man," ''PeteEyre.com'' (10 November 2010) {{cite web|url=http://peteeyre.com/the-tank-man/|title=The Tank Man|accessdate=2014-03-01|first=Pete|last=Eyre|work=PeteEyre.com}}
*He risked a good and honorable death to stand up nonviolently for what is right.
**[[George Donnelly]], "You are Tank Man," in the ''Arm Your Mind for Liberty'' blog (20 June 2012) {{cite web|url=http://aymfl.com/evolution/you-are-tank-man|title=You are Tank Man|accessdate=2014-03-01|first=George|last=Donnelly |work=Arm Your Mind for Liberty}}
*The '''Tank Man''' represents the independence and the liberties. Now I call him a hero, but today who are our "heroes"? I mean, from the media? They're always people in our military who have killed a lot of other people: the people who are great sharpshooters, the people who drop bombs, the people who run drone missiles. And they never get criticised in the major media for killing innocents. But they become "hero." Everybody that has a uniform now is a "hero." But what about somebody who wants to tell the truth? What if you have an [[Edward Snowden]] who finally speaks out and talks about the truth? He becomes a "traitor" in their eyes. I call Edward Snowden a true hero like the '''Tank Man'''.
**[[Ron Paul]], "Do We Live in a Police State?" a speech from the [[Ludwig von Mises Institute]] seminar ''The Police State: Know It When You See It'' (Mises Circle Seminar, 18 January 2014) {{cite web|url=http://mises.org/media/8130/Do-We-Live-in-a-Police-State|title=Do We Live in a Police State?|accessdate=2014-03-01|first=Ron (M.D.)|last=Paul |work=The Police State: Know It When You See It}}
==See also==
*[[civil disobedience]]
*[[human rights]]
*[[individualism]]
*[[liberty]]
*[[libertarianism]]
*[[rebellion]]
*[[resistance movement]]
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq8zFLIftGk Footage]
*[http://digitaljournalist.org/issue0309/lm25.html The Stuart Franklin photo at Life magazine 100 photos that changed the world].
*[http://dajiyuan.com/b5/6/6/1/n1336133.htm Professor disclosed heroic Wang Weilin still in world], dajiyuan.com. Retrieved June 1, 2006.
*[http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/tankman/ PBS ''Frontline'' documentary "The Tank Man"], 2006, Program viewable online. Last Retrieved July 29, 2008.
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40bI6wzCTck&feature=related The Tank Man documentary], viewable online.
*[http://205.188.238.181/time/time100/leaders/profile/rebel.html Time 100: The Unknown Rebel], ''Time'', 1999
[[Category:Political activists]]
[[Category:People from China]]
[[Category:Unidentified people]]
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Tim Cook
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2026-04-30T17:21:28Z
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[[File:Visit of Tim Cook to the European Commission - P061904-946789.jpg|thumb|right|Cook in 2023]]
'''[[w:Tim Cook|Timothy Donald Cook]]''' (born 1960-11-01) is an American business executive best known for his current role as CEO of [[w:Apple Inc.|Apple Inc.]] Before joining Apple in 1998, Cook also served as an executive at IBM and Compaq.
== Quotes ==
<!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically. -->
* You can converge a toaster and refrigerator, but these things are probably not going to be pleasing to the user.
** [http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/24/apples-chiefs-offhand-comment-spawns-internet-tribute/ During the Q & A session after an earnings call] (2012-04-24)
** Cook was asked about converging touch- and mouse-based operating systems into one product, like Microsoft's Windows 8.
* Our base philosophy is to never fear cannibalization. If we do, somebody else will just cannibalize it. We never fear it.
** [http://arstechnica.com/apple/2013/01/tim-cook-on-the-imac-cannibalization-is-a-huge-opportunity-for-us/ At Apple's 2013 Q1 earnings call] (2013-01-23)
** iPad sales had been increasing at the expense of Mac sales.
* When we work on making our devices accessible by the blind, I don’t consider the bloody ROI.
** [http://www.forbes.com/sites/stevedenning/2014/03/07/why-tim-cook-doesnt-care-about-the-bloody-roi/ At an Apple shareholder meeting in March 2014]
** In response to a conservative interest group's request that Apple disclose the financial costs of its environmental initiatives, and to only take them on if they were profitable
* If there was a lot of emotion in my [[voice]] today, it's because we've all been waiting for this day for a long time. It felt so great, … the people at this company are doing the best work of their lives, the best work that Apple has ever done.
** [http://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2014/09/09/tim-cook-interview-usa-today/15312749/ usatoday.com]
* I don’t consider myself an activist, but I realize how much I’ve benefited from the sacrifice of others, … So if hearing that the CEO of Apple is gay can help someone struggling to come to terms with who he or she is, or bring comfort to anyone who feels alone, or inspire people to insist on their equality, then it’s worth the trade-off with my own privacy.
** [http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2014/10/30/apples-tim-cook-im-proud-to-be-gay/?mod=e2fb&mg=blogs-wsj&url=http%253A%252F%252Fblogs.wsj.com%252Fdigits%252F2014%252F10%252F30%252Fapples-tim-cook-im-proud-to-be-gay%253Fmod%253De2fb WSJ.com]
* If there were any doubts, I think that they should be put to bed.
** Talking about the Apple Watch,
** [http://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2014-09-17/tim-cook-interview-the-iphone-6-the-apple-watch-and-remaking-a-companys-culture-i077npsy bloomberg.com]
* The things we should be doing at [[Apple]] are things that others can’t.
** [http://www.bloomberg.com/news/features/2014-09-17/tim-cook-interview-the-iphone-6-the-apple-watch-and-remaking-a-companys-culture-i077npsy bloomberg.com]
* Steve was a genius and a visionary, and I've never viewed that my role was to replace him," said Cook. "Steve was an original. I've never really felt the weight of trying to be Steve. It's not my goal in life. I am who I am. I am focused on that. On being a great CEO of Apple.
** [http://www.cnet.com/news/tim-cook-ive-never-really-felt-the-weight-of-trying-to-be-steve/ cnet.com]
* There are very few content owners that believe that the existing model will last forever, I think the most forward-thinking ones are looking and saying, 'I'd rather have the first-mover advantage'.
** [http://www.investing.com/news/stock-market-news/apple-music-hits-6.5-million-paid-users:-tim-cook-366943 Investing.com]
* If you want me to only do things for ROI reasons then you should get out of this stock.
** [http://www.forbes.com/sites/siimonreynolds/2015/03/25/lessons-you-can-learn-from-apples-ceo/ thestreet.com]
* I don't think that you're born with gut [instinct], a gut matures and gets better and better over time, the struggle that most people have is learning to listen to it. Figuring out how to access it in some way. What I found is that even thought I'm an engineer and an analytical person at heart the most important decisions I've made had nothing to do with any of that. They were always based on intuition. The Apple one [choosing to leave Compaq to take the job at Apple in 1998] is a prime example of that. I remember forming my list of pluses and minuses and I could not get the chart to work out the way I wanted it to. Because I wanted something to say this says I should go to Apple. But it would not. Nothing financially would do that, I talked to people I trusted, that knew me, and they said: 'This is not what you should do'. It wasn't so easy. People said, you're just crazy, you're working for the top PC company in the world, how could you even think of doing it, you've lost your mind. And yet that voice said, 'Go West young man, Go West'. And some times you just have to go for it.
** [http://www.macworld.co.uk/news/apple/apples-tim-cook-following-instinct-finding-best-people-treating-people-fairly-3451130/ macworld.co.uk]
* The countries that embrace openness do exceptional and the countries that don’t, don’t. It’s not a matter of carving things up between sides. I’m going to encourage that calm heads prevail.
** Bloomberg: [https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-04-25/apple-s-cook-to-meet-with-trump-amid-u-s-china-trade-tensions Apple's Cook to Meet With Trump Amid China Trade Tensions] (25 April 2018)
* We reject the excuse that getting the most out of technology means trading away your right to privacy. So we choose a different path, collecting as little of your data as possible, being thoughtful and respectful when it's in our care because we know it belongs to you.
** CNN: [http://money.cnn.com/2018/05/13/technology/tim-cook-duke-graduation-speech/index.html "Apple's Tim Cook urges Duke graduates to think hard about data privacy"] (13 May 2018)
* Don’t just accept the world you inherit today. Don’t just accept the status quo. No big challenge has ever been solved, and no lasting improvement has ever been achieved, unless people dare to try something different. Dare to think different.
** Entrepreneur: [https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/313917 "From Oprah Winfrey to Tim Cook, Leaders Offer Gems of Wisdom to the Class of 2018"] (24 May 2018)
* The privacy thing has gotten totally out of control. I think most people are not aware of who is tracking them, how much they're being tracked and sort of the large amounts of detailed data that are out there about them.
** CNN Tech: [http://money.cnn.com/2018/06/04/technology/apple-tim-cook-screen-time/index.html "Tim Cook reveals his tech habits: I use my phone too much"] (4 June 2018)
* All of these things are great conveniences of life. They change your daily life in a great way. But if you're getting bombarded by notifications all day long, that's probably a use of the system that might not be so good anymore."
** NPR: [https://www.npr.org/2018/06/04/616280585/apple-requested-zero-personal-data-in-deals-with-facebook-ceo-tim-cook-says "Apple Requested 'Zero' Personal Data In Deals With Facebook, CEO Tim Cook Says"] (4 June 2018)
* I don’t think business should only deal in commercial things. Business, to me, is nothing more than a collection of people. If people have values, then companies should.
** CNBC: [https://www.cnbc.com/2018/06/26/apple-ceo-tim-cook-advice-for-leaders-on-speaking-out.html "Apple's Tim Cook shares a rule that leaders should live by"] (26 June 2018)
* We [at Apple] worry about the humanity being drained out of music, about it becoming a bits-and-bytes kind of world instead of the art and craft.
** TechSpot: [https://www.techspot.com/news/75875-tim-cook-thinks-spotify-draining-humanity-out-music.html "Tim Cook thinks Spotify is 'draining the humanity out of music'"] (8 August 2018)
* It was like a total revelation for me that a company could run like this, because I was used to these layers and bureaucracies and studies—the sort of paralysis that companies could get into—and Apple was totally different.
* * "We believe that privacy is a fundamental human right." ** Source: Apple public statements on privacy (2020s)
** Fortune: [http://fortune.com/2018/08/23/apple-ceo-tim-cook-steve-jobs-2/ "Apple CEO Tim Cook Says Working for Steve Jobs Was 'Liberating'"] (23 August 2018)
== Quotes about Cook ==
* Tim Cook’s strategy has a built-in cliff-drop just after the peak of success. As the new iPhones gather plaudits and dollars, they continue the inevitable march towards that cliff.
** Ewan Spence in Forbes: [https://www.forbes.com/sites/ewanspence/2018/09/17/apple-iphone-xs-max-iphone-xr-revenue-share-strategy-failure-mistake/#77cf8b1a9dc8 "New iPhone XS Reveals Tim Cook's Failure To Innovate"] (17 September 2018)
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Cook, Tim}}
[[Category:Businesspeople from the United States]]
[[Category:1960 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:People from Alabama]]
[[Category:Duke University alumni]]
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Fortunato Depero
0
156475
3935033
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2026-04-30T16:13:44Z
IvanScrooge98
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[[File:Fortunato-Depero.jpg|thumb|Fortunato Depero (1911)]]
'''[[:w:Fortunato Depero|Fortunato Depero]]''' (March 30, 1892 – November 29, 1960) was an [[Italy|Italian]] [[Futurism (art)|futurist]] [[Painting|painter]], [[writer]], [[sculpture|sculptor]] and [[graphic designer]].
== Quotes ==
* We [[Futurists]], Balla and Depero, seek to realize this total fusion in order to reconstruct the universe by making it more joyful, in other words by an integral re-creation. 'We will give skeleton and flesh to the invisible, the impalpable, the imponderable and the imperceptible. '''We will find abstract equivalents for all the forms and elements of the universe, and then well will combine them according to the caprice of our inspiration,''' to shape plastic complexes which we will set in motion.
** ''[http://www.italianfuturism.org/manifestos/futurist-reconstruction-of-the-universe/ The Futurist Reconstruction of the Universe]'' Manifesto with [[Giacomo Balla]], in: ''Direzione del Movimento Futurista,'' March 11, 1915. Translation by Caroline Tisdall, 1973.
* '''The [[art]] of the future will be largely advertising.'''<br>that bold and unimpeachable lesson I have learned from museums and great works from the past—<br>all art for centuries past has been marked by advertising purposes: the exaltation of the warrior, the saint; documentation of deeds, ceremonies, and historical personages depicted at their victories, with their symbols, in the regalia of command and splendor—<br>even their highest products were simultaneously meant to glorify something: architecture, royal palaces, thrones, drapery, halberds, standards, heraldry and arms of every sort—<br>there is scarcely an ancient work that doesn’t have advertising motifs, a garland with a trophy, with weapons of war and victory, all stamped with seals and the original symbols of clans, all with the self-celebrating freedom of ultra-advertising
** Depero (1931) "Futurism and Adverticing Art"; Partly quoted in: Jonathon Keats, "[http://www.forbes.com/forbes-life-magazine/2009/0608/art-fortunato-depero-italian-futurism.html Fortunato Depero's Italian Futurism]," ''forbes.com,'' 2009/06/08
[[File:Campari Soda retouched.jpg|thumb|150px|Depero's 1932 bottle design for {{w|Campari}} Soda is still in production]]
* The [[Futurists]] were the first painters, poets, and architects who exalted modern work with their art—
::they painted speeding automobiles—
::they painted lamps bursting with light—
::they painted steaming locomotives and swift bicyclists—
:the Futurists stylized their compositions, adopting a violently colored look; with synoptic and geometric shapes they multiplied and decomposed the rhythms of objects and landscapes in order to increase their dynamic qualities and to give an effective rendering of their swift ideas, the states of mind, their conceptions.
:* Depero (1931) "Futurism and Adverticing Art"; Republished in: ''[http://modernistarchitecture.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/ebooksclub-org__futurism__an_anthology__henry_mcbride_series_in_modernism_.pdf Futurism : an anthology].'' edited by Lawrence Rainey, Christine Poggi, and Laura Wittman, (2011), p. 290
=== ''So I think, so I paint'' (1947) ===
Fortunato Depero, ''So I think, so I paint: ideologies of an Italian self-made painter,'' Mutilati e Invalidi, 1947.
* [[Futurism]] attracted me and made me better, gave me a new strength, showed me new fields and possibilities.
** p. 14; Cited in: Maurizio Scudiero, David Leiber, Fortunato Depero (1986) ''Depero futurista & New York: il futurismo e l'arte pubblicitaria,'' p. 112
* The first and foremost critic of a work of [[art]] is the [[artist]] who created it. Give him every means to illustrate it and make it known. If an artist awaits celebrity or gratefulness for his work through other people, he will have the time to die a thousand times for sheer hunger.
** p 97.
* If a painter once devoted himself to dynamism and now abandons it, denies it and even criticizes it, it is his own business. This does not mean, however that [[futurism]] has had his day. It is always worthy of interest and many artists still work in its ranks with unchanged passion. Dynamism is in life and in nature itself.
** p. 112
== Quotes about Deparo ==
* [Depero] did not differentiate between ‘major’ and ‘minor’ arts, putting all on the same level.
** Gabriella Belli, quoted in: Jonathon Keats, "[http://www.forbes.com/forbes-life-magazine/2009/0608/art-fortunato-depero-italian-futurism.html Fortunato Depero's Italian Futurism]," ''forbes.com,'' 2009/06/08
* His playful imagination found expression in the series of Plastic Dances (balli plastici) which he designed in 1917 and produced the next year at the Teatro dei Piccoli (Children’s Theater) in Rome. During the 1920s he designed exhibition booths and pavilions for various firms and events. Depero was in Paris from 1925 to 1926, then in New York from 1928 to 1930 when he designed covers for Vanity Fair, Vogue, and other magazines. Many of his designs were for the Campari company, and he theorized this work in “Futurism and Advertising Art”
** ''[http://modernistarchitecture.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/ebooksclub-org__futurism__an_anthology__henry_mcbride_series_in_modernism_.pdf Futurism : an anthology].'' edited by Lawrence Rainey, Christine Poggi, and Laura Wittman, (2011), p. 511-2
* In his own paintings, Depero depicted a fantastic world of vegetal, animal and mechanical forms, in a dynamic synthesis of large, flat areas of bright color. In 1919 he founded the Casa d'Arte Futurista in Rovereto, where he produced furniture, objects, graphics, posters and tapestries, with his wife Rosetta. During the 1920s Depero spent some months in Paris, where he showed in the Italian pavilion of the Exposition Internationale des Arts Decoratifs et Industriels Modernes, with Balla and Prampolini. Depero experimented with built structures designed out of letters-what he termed "typographical" or "advertising architecture."
** {{cite web |url=http://www.guggenheim-venice.it/inglese/collections/artisti/biografia.php?id_art=171 |title=Fortunato Depero |author=Hangar Design Group |date= |work= |publisher=Peggy Guggenheim Collection |accessdate=June 4, 2014}}
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* [http://www.forbes.com/forbes-life-magazine/2009/0608/art-fortunato-depero-italian-futurism.html Fortunato Depero's Italian Futurism]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Depero, Fortunato}}
[[Category:Painters from Italy]]
[[Category:1960 deaths]]
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Cats Don't Dance
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'''''[[w:Cats Don't Dance|Cats Don't Dance]]''''' is a 1997 American Canadian animated musical comedy film distributed by Warner Bros. Family Entertainment, which follows a cat named Danny who dreams of becoming an actor, though Hollywood only allows human actors.
:''Directed by [[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]. Written by [[w:Bobs Gannaway|Bobs Gannaway]], Cliff Ruby, Elana Lesser, and Theresa Pettengill.''
:''Music by Steve Goldstein'' and includes "I Do Believe". Written and performed by [[w:Will Downing|Will Downing]].
{{center|'''For a Bunch of Funny Friends Trying to Break Into Show Business...'''([[Cats Don't Dance#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Narrator ==
* Once upon a time, there was a princess and a peasant. She lived atop a hill in a glittering castle. There she had a servant who kept her castle in order, selected and pressed her robes for the day, prepared her royal breakfast, and served it to her in her chambers. She had fame, she had fortune. She had product endorsements. But she was not what she seemed. On the other hand, in a humble village far away, the peasant had none of her luxuries. But he had a dream. So with a fond farewell from his closest friends, and gifts of good luck, best wishes and useless junk. Although it's the thought that counts. His world was about to clash with hers, in a place called: Hollywood.
== Danny Cat ==
* ''[singing]'' Hollywood! Where the streets are paved with gold, where the kiddies never grow old! Right here in Hollywood!
* If you have any openings for a talented cat, I'm your man! Er...I mean, your cat!
* Come on, Sawyer. Your life is not really back in that office. It's here. Dance with me?
* Sawyer could do a romantic ballet and Woolie can even play a piano solo.
* There there, Pudge. ''[pats Pudge on the back while Pudge cries]''
== Sawyer Cat ==
* I'm a secretary; not an actress.
* No chow; no meow.
* Hey Kong, how's the picture coming?
* ''[phone rings]'' Farley Wink's Animal Actors Agency. How can I help you? ''[listens]'' You need a lamb for the Moses picture? ''[listens as a lamb gets excited]'' Oh. A ''sacrificial'' lamb? ''[listens as the same lamb cringes in fear]'' Sorry! Fresh out! ''[hangs up]'' Every day, I ask myself; why do I put up with this?
* What? This pigsty?!
* Unless you're talking about the ''glamour of filing'', the romance of typing.
* Like I said, dancing is a waste of time.
== Peabo "Pudge" Pudgemeyer ==
* That ice thing is just my side job. The name's Peabo Pudgemeyer, but you can call me "Pudge". ''[bell rings]'' Oh. Time to start. Better get your costume!
* I was going to slug that big, dumb Max for you, but I didn't want to hurt the guy. And what's that Dimple kid's problem? I thought you worked great today!
* Danny! The movie's over! Everybody's leaving! ''[looks at Danny]'' Whoa; you're a mess!
== Frances Albacore ==
* Oh, for the love of [[Moby-Dick|Moby Dick]]!
* I need a drink!
== T.W. Turtle ==
* There's no use trying; Miss Tillie. My fortune cookie last night said, "Give it up, you loser!"
* Fortune says, "Raging waters ahead!"
* They can smash your cookie, but you'll always have...your fortune!
== Woolie the Mammoth ==
* The spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me, and it's foolish to think otherwise, Danny.
* Poor Sawyer. I thought she'd be the one to make it. Such a dancer, with the voice of an angel.
== Darleen "Darla" Dimple ==
* ''[outraged]'' '''I...HATE...''' <big><big><big><big>'''''ANIMALS!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big></big>''[points at Danny]'' Especially that one!
* Shut up, Max.
* ''[to a concerned Danny]'' You just get all your little friends at Friday at 3 and I'll take care of L.B. And let's leave this between us, shall we? I don't like to advertise my charitable work.
* ''[last words]'' '''''I'M'' THE STAR!!''' ''[crawls over to Danny]'' You stupid, stupid '''''CAT!''''' ''[furiously grabs Danny by the collar]'' I should have drowned you all when <big><big>'''''I FLOODED THE STAGE!!!'''''</big></big> ''['''''FLOODED THE STAGE!''''' echoes through the speakers shocks Sawyer and the audience overhears the confession in shock as Darla, realizing she had been exposed, mischievously smiles, hugs Danny and kisses him. Pudge pushes the lever down, which causes the trap door to open and the sound equipment fall through the trap door, carrying her with them]'' '''WHOA!''' <big><big>'''''MAX!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big>
== Max ==
* How does the kitty cat go?
* '''VERY''' <big><big>'''''GOOD!'''''</big></big> ''[he smashes Danny into the ground]'' Will that be all, Miss Dimple?
* Get hot, Miss Dimple.
* ''[last words as he flies into the distance onto the giant Darla Dimple balloon through [[Paris]], [[France]]]'' <big><big>'''OUI, MISS DIMPLE!'''</big></big>
==Others==
* '''Herb Pig''': None taken.
* '''Bull''': So aggravating and humiliating. I'm outta this picture business.
* '''King Kong''': Oooh! Don't get me started! Ngggh!
==Dialogue==
:'''Narrator''': ''[first lines]'' Once upon a time, there was a princess and a peasant. She lived a top of hill in a glittering castle. There, she had a servant who kept her castle in order, prepared her breakfast, and chose her daily robes for the day. She had fame. She had fortune.
:'''Crowd''': Bravo. Delightful.
:'''Narrator''': She had product endorsements. But, she was not what she was seemed. ''[Darla Dimple giggles]'' On the other hand, in a humble village far away, the peasant had none of her luxuries, but he had a dream. So, with a fond farewell from his closest friends and gifts of good luck, best wishes... and useless junk, although it's the thought that counts, his world was about to clash with hers in a place called: [[Hollywood]]!
:'''Crowd''': Goodbye!
:'''Chorus''': Woo-hooo...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / With a little faith, we can / Step from the shadows and / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Our time has come, we're heading / Straight for the sun, oh / With heart and soul, well watch us go / We're on our way / With a little love, we know / Nothing can stop us, so / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Are you ready to wish upon a star? / Well, I'll be ready to follow my own heart / Are you ready to be set free? / Well, I'll be ready to reach out for that dream / Just over the horizon...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / With a little faith, we can / Step from the shadows and / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Are you ready to make your move? / Well, I'll be ready for a miracle to come true / Are you ready for the world to believe in you? / Well, I'll be ready to reach out for that dream / Just over the horizon...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / With a little love, we know / Nothing can stop us, so / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Ooooh...| ''[song fades]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': ''[humming]'' Whee!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Since I was a little kitten, I had a dream / My name in lights: Danny, The Song-and-Dance Cat / I got on a bus and came to the town / Where dreams can come true / It's gonna happen for me / It could happen for you.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Who me?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' You can do anything if you try / The most impossible dream can come true / If you believe it / This is my kind of town, it's as clear as the nose on your face / This is the time, this is the place / This is the time.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': So long!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Taxi!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' This must be the place...| Hollywood, where the streets are paved with gold / Where the kitties never grow old, in Hollywood / Hollywood, where the stars don't shine at night / They walk around in the broad daylight, in Hollywood...| Dig that face / They ain't seen nothin' like it any place / It's right up off the movie screen / If you know what I mean...| Look at me / I'm gonna be the cat to see / I'm going down in history / Just watch me...| Hollywood, where the streets are paved with gold / Where dream can never grow old / Right here in Hollywood...| ''[song fades]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Danny enters the room]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, hi there, ma'am, how you doing?
:'''Frances Albacore''': Poor.
:'''Danny Cat''': What's your name there? Okay. I'm Danny, do you mind if I sit down? Oh, excuse me.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Cranston! Oh, don't mind him Danny. He was just leaving! ''[knocks Cranston aside]'' Hi, I'm Tillie, this is Cranston. ''[echoes]'' Cranston! Cranston! Danny! Danny! T.W.! T.W.! Danny! Danny! Frances! Frances! Danny! T.W.! Frances! Frances! ''[Danny becomes dizzy]'' So, new in town?
:'''Danny Cat''': I just arrived. I hear Farley Wink gives good parts for animals.
:'''Frances Albacore''': If you call hanging from a hook a good part.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well, at least it's part, huh?
:'''T.W. Turtle''': There's no use trying, Miss Tillie. My fortune cookie last night said, "Give it up, you loser".
:'''Frances Albacore''': I need a drink.
:'''Danny Cat''': All right, now, let's see. Go to Hollywood, check.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': What are you got there?
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, this is a plan I worked out. You see, I figure if I work really hard by [[Friday]], I'll land my first big part. Well, that's how it worked for you, right?
:'''Frances Albacore and Cranston Goat''': Oh, sure! Right! Oh, right!
:'''Cranston Goat''': Why, not [[Thursday]]?
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Now, Danny, you just go in and let Mr. Wink know you're here. They're casting a big '''''[[w:Noah's Ark|Noah's Ark]]''''' movie. Lots of work for animals. Oh, your tie is a little crooked. Wait a minute. Straighten you up, dust you off and perfect. Good luck. ''[snort laughs]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Thanks a lot!
:'''Farley Wink''': ''[first words]'' Look, you big ape! I need those two monkeys for another picture! Hello, what is it? You caught me at a bad time; I'm casting the Ark picture! Get off the line! Yes, hello! Wink here. ''[Mumbles in agree as he talks through telephone]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Mr. Wink?
:'''Farley Wink''': Yes?!
:'''Danny Cat''': If you have any openings for a talented cat, I'm your man.
:'''Farley Wink''': Uh-huh?
:'''Danny Cat''': I mean, your cat.
:'''Farley Wink''': All right! Send over two chickens and two lions, but don't send them over in the same car this time! Sheesh! Okay, let's see now. ''[starts yammering]'' Burros, camels, caribou, cats. Say you! Can you play a cat?
:'''Danny Cat''': I am a cat!
:'''Farley Wink''': How would you like to be in the next Darla Dimple picture?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[gasps]'' The Darla Dimple? America's Sweetheart, Lover of Children and Animals?
:'''Farley Wink''': One and the same, kid. One and the same. Just sign here, here, here, here, and here, and here, and here, and here... ''[yammers]'' ...and over there and down the middle.
:''[Sawyer opens the door, looking wet and annoyed from the fountain]''
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Sawyer? What happened to you? ''[giggles]''
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Did you walk under a ladder? Smash a mirror?
:'''Cranston Goat''': Have you looked in one lately? ''[she is not amused]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': No, a cat crossed my path.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Really? Orange Tabby?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yeah.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Green vest?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yes.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Straw hat?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': How did you know?
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Ooh, hippo intuition. ''[snort laughs]''
:'''Farley Wink''': ...and initial this.
:'''Danny Cat''': Wow; this is a dream come true!
:'''Farley Wink''': Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't forget: percent of that dream is mine! Welcome to Hollywood!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Farley Wink's Animal Agency, can I help you? You need a lamb for the [[Moses]] picture?
:'''Lamb''': Yeah!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, a sacrificial lamb?
:'''Lamb''': No, no...
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Sorry fresh out. Everyday I ask myself, "Why I put up with this?"
:'''Frances Albacore''': For the glamour.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': What, this pigsty? No offense, Herb.
:'''Herb Pig''': None taken.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Unless of course, you're referring to the glamour of filing. The romance of typing. Tillie, what are you doing?
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Oh, I'm just fixing you up. You'll wanna look pretty in case you meet someone nice.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yeah, right. As if he'll come waltzing right through that... ''[slammed in her face]''
:'''Farley Wink''': You're gonna be fine, kid. You're the cat's meow. You can meow, can't ya? ''[snickers]'' '''WHERE'S SAWYER?!''' Oh, Sawyer, sweetie, baby!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Whatever it is, the answer is no.
:'''Farley Wink''': I'm in a jam.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[collects her papers she dropped]'' Too bad.
:'''Farley Wink''': Hm, no female cat for the picture?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[removes cigar from Farley's mouth]'' Tough tabby.
:'''Farley Wink''': So guess who gets to fill in?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Hmm, you?
:'''Farley Wink''': Nah, I only fill in for those dashing [[Clark Gable]] types.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Frankly, Clark, I don't give a...
:'''Farley Wink''': Sawyer!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I'm a secretary, not an actress.
:'''Farley Wink''': Give you Sundays off.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Never work [[Sunday]].
:'''Farley Wink''': Double time.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Triple.
:'''Farley Wink''': Triple.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': There an echo?
:'''Farley Wink''': You're pushing me!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': No chow, no meow.
:'''Farley Wink''': Okay, okay, triple time! Here's your partner, he's new in town, be nice!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, forget it!
:'''Farley Wink''': ''[last words]'' Uh-huh, a deal's a deal. Now, get on over to Mammoth Pictures! ''[snickers]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Wow, you're... you're soaking wet! Is it raining outside? Because it was sunny when I came in, and back where I come from... Oh, here, let me get the door for you. Where I come from, you see clouds first.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Stay.
:'''Danny Cat''': After you. And then the rain comes after it. Ha ha ha!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[suddenly, the door closes and tail's hurt cause her to scream in pain]'' '''YEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!''' ''[glares angrily at Danny]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Heh, heh, I'm sorry. Miss?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Mammoth Pictures, with rolling clouds. The gates open to the studio in all its glory, as actors, actresses, stagehands carrying props, and secretaries shuffle around on the studio lot. Danny takes a fascinated gaze at Mammoth Tower as he catches up with Sawyer]''
:'''Turkey''': Oh, I'm telling you. One more plucking scene and... Pow! Right in the gizzard!
:'''Bull''': So aggravating and humiliating. I'm outta this picture business.
:'''Toto''': [[The Wizard of Oz (1939 film)|There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like... home.]]
:'''Danny Cat''': So I guess we're gonna be the only two cats on the ark, huh? Pretty great, huh?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': So much for preserving the species! ''[to [[King Kong]] as he walks by]'' Hey, Kong, how's the picture coming?
:'''King Kong''': ''[a la Daffy Duck]'' Oooh! Don't get me started! Ngggh!
:'''Danny Cat''': You know the King? Wow!
:'''Announcer''': On my side of the tram, home of Darla Dimple... America's sweetheart. Look for Darla in Lil' Ark Angel... coming soon to a theater near you!
:''[Danny and Sawyer arrive at Stage 13, where the stagehands are busy preparing to film the movie]''
:'''Worker''': All right, everybody! We're ready for Darla's big ark!
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Hey! Hey, mister! I could help you push that cart, you know!
:'''Tough Guy''': Hey, what are you doing? Get out of here, kid.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Let me help, will you? I'm little, but I'm strong! ''[bending a straw]''
:'''Tough Guy''': ''[dropping Pudge]'' These sweets are for Miss Dimple. ''[walks away]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Okay, alright, you don't have to get mad. ''[bumps into Danny]'' Uh-oh! I'm busted.
:'''Danny Cat''': Hey.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Hey, you're the cat from this morning aren't you?
:'''Danny Cat''': What are you doing here?
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Oh, that ice thing is just my side job. Name's Peabo Pudgemeyer. But you can call me Pudge. Ooh, time to start. Better go get your costume.
:''[All the animals pass through the wardrobe room and come out, dressed in their sailor outfits]''
:'''Script Guy''': Script! Script! Script!
:'''Danny Cat''': Meow? ''[Looks concerned at his one line.]'' Is that all? Where's the rest?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': You're looking at it!
:'''Danny Cat''': But, I thought this was a musical! We're supposed to sing and dance, aren't we?
:'''Frances Albacore''': Oh, for the love of [[Moby-Dick|Moby Dick]]!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Listen, tiger, this town has rules and around here, cats say "meow".
:'''Danny Cat''': But that's so old hat. I'm sure nobody would mind if I jazz it up a bit.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': All right, learn it the hard way.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[purrs]'' Ahem. ''[in a British accent]'' Meow. ''[switches to a southern accent]'' Meow! Dagnabbit, meow! ''[switches to [[Edward G. Robinson]]]'' Meow, see? Yeah, that's it: Meow, meow. ''[Sawyer looks at him with embarrassment, as a bell rings]''
:'''Flanigan''': Quiet on the set, please. ''[sniffs]'' QUIET! Miss Dimple is ready to begin. Lights! ''[the lights turn on]'' Camera! ''[the worker runs the camera; sophisticatedly]'' ''Accctionnn''. Cue the elephant.
:''[Woolie pokes his head through the Mammoth Pictures canvas]''
:'''Worker #1''': Tusk!
:'''Worker #2''': Tusk!
:'''Worker #3''': Hair.
:'''Worker #1''': ''[whispered tone]'' The hair, the hair! Fix the hair!
:'''Worker #3''': Oops, sorry.
:''[Woolie trumpets twice and song to Little Boat on the Sea plays]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[first words; singing]'' Now the people they were so bad / That the Lord made the rain come down / And he washed away their bad cities / And he washed away their bad towns / That all of the people drowned!
:'''Chorus''': Oh! Oh!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' With the animals it was different / Though some of them drowned too / The others were just poor animals / And they didn't know what to do! / So, I built a little boat / As cute as it can be / And I put all the animals two-by-two / In my little boat on the sea.
:'''Chorus''': Little boat on the sea.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The big cows went.
:'''Female Cow''': Moo!
:'''Male Cow''': Moo!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The piggies went.
:'''Female Pig''': Oink!
:'''Male Pig''': Oink!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' And all the little birdies went "Tweet tweet tweet!" / In my little boat on the sea / The doggies went.
:'''Female Dog''': Bow-wow!
:'''Male Dog''': Bow-wow!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The kitty-cat went.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Meow!
:'''Danny Cat''': Me-owww!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The lion went.
:'''Lion''': Roar!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Meow, meow-ma-meow, ma-ma-ma-meow, ma-ma-ma-m'ow.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' In my little boat on the sea!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Talkin' 'bout the boat on the sea! / Meow ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-meow-ma-ma-ma-m'ow-m'ow-m'ow / On the sea!
:''[The animal cast, Darla, the stagehands, and Flanigan look at him, surprised]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Meow?
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in rage after Danny upstages her]'' <big><big><big>'''''CUT! CUT, CUT, CUT!'''''</big></big></big>
:'''Flanigan''': Cut? Oh, yes. Cut. cut.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[shouting into the microphone]'' <big>'''LET ME DOWN THIS'''</big> <big><big><big>'''''INSTANT!'''''</big></big></big>
:'''Flanigan''': Lower Miss Dimple! Lower her! Hurry, hurry! Lower Miss Dimple!
:''[The crew drop Darla, send her crashing to the ground]''
:'''Flanigan''': Darla. Darla, darling. Here...
:''[Cranston chuckles]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[groans]'' Flanigan, the title of this movie is "Lil Ark Angel"... ''[grabs Flanagan]'' '''ISN'T IT?!'''
:'''Flanigan''': Yes; oh yes!
:'''Darla Dimple''': And who here's an angel? ''[breaks Flanigan's glasses, then shakes him as she screams]'' <big><big><big>'''CAN YOU TELL ME WHO HERE IS AN ANGEL?!?!'''</big></big></big>
:'''Flanigan''': Why you are Darla. Sweetheart, celebrity, darling. ''[Darla rolls her eyes and chokes Flanigan]'' ACK! Angel.
:'''Darla Dimple''': That's right! I '''AM''' an angel! I... am... an adorable... little... <big><big><big><big>'''''ANGEL!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big></big>
:'''Worker #1''': Bonbons will make it better, Miss Dimple.
:'''Worker #2''': Hot fudge sundae, Miss Dimple?
:'''Worker #3''': Your choo-choo?
:'''Worker #4''': Your Darla doll?
:'''Worker #5''': Your ducky?
:'''Darla Dimple''': <big>'''I...HATE...'''</big> <big><big><big><big>'''''ANIMALS!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big></big> Especially ''[pointing to Danny]'' THAT ONE!! AAH!! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! FLANIGAN!!!
:'''Flanigan''': Oh, dear! What a calamity!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[screams]'' <big><big><big>'''''MAX!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big>
:''[Suddenly, the giant footsteps are heard outside]''
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Oh, no! We're doomed! ''[hiding in an alligator's mouth]''
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Ooh, hide me! ''[grabs the wings of a stork]''
:''[Danny looks around to see where the noise is coming from, until Max makes his entrance through the sound-stage wall, scaring everyone. He even steps on a rubber duck and is able to catch Darla with his right hand]''
:'''Max''': ''[first words as prying off Miss Dimple with his left hand]'' Yes, Miss Dimple?
:''[Darla breathes heavily and points at Danny madly. Max growls and cracks his knuckles]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Been nice knowing you, pal.
:''[Danny is helpless as he sees the giant shape of the butler coming towards him. Danny falls backwards as Max picks him up. Poor Danny chokes along the way]''
:'''Max''': How does the kitty cat go?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[gulp]'' Meow?
:'''Max''': <big>'''VERY'''</big> <big>'''''GOOD!'''''</big> ''[He smashes Danny into the ground]'' Will that be all, Miss Dimple?
:'''Darla Dimple''': For the moment. Thank you, Max!
:'''Secretary #1''': Your curls are fine.
:'''Secretary #2''': Your nails are precious.
:'''Secretaries''': Goodbye, Miss Dimple!
:''[Darla is hoisted away, as the two secretaries look at each other with worry, groaning]''
:'''Flanigan''': Okay, everybody, from the top! And I hope there will be no more interruptions! Humph! ''[fades out]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cranston Goat''': ''[laughs]'' Cue me, Frances!
:'''Frances Albacore''': So the kitty-cat went...
:'''Cranston Goat''': Meow, meow, meowy, meow!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Now just cut that out! Besides it was much more like... Meow, meow, meowy, meow, meow, bada, dump! Danny, wait. ''[hits Cranston]'' Oh, maybe one of us should talk to him.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, I'll do it. It's about time someone talked to him. Since he's tip-tapped into town he's been nothing but trouble.
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, I guess this is gonna set me back a whole day. Nah, maybe only half a day.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Look, Danny, I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but the fact is, since you...
:'''Danny Cat''': I don't get it. What happened in there, anyway?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[facepalms, annoyed]'' Oh!
:'''Danny Cat''': Did I hit a sour note?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Wait!
:'''Danny Cat''': Because if I did, I could go back in there. I could fix it.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Danny! Danny, they are not interested.
:'''Danny Cat''': But I...
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Don't you get it? What is it with you? Why are you so determined to make a fool of yourself?
:'''Danny Cat''': What do you mean? All I wanna do is the thing I love. Doesn't everyone?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': It's really not simple.
:'''Danny Cat''': It is in Kokomo.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Then maybe that's where you should of stayed.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': ''[singing]'' You can do anything / If you...
:'''Danny Cat''': I better not sing right now.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': You want some?
:'''Danny Cat''': No, thanks, Pudge.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Oh, I was gonna slug that big dumb Max for you, but I don't wanna hurt the guy. So, what's that Dimple kid's problem? I thought you were great today!
:'''Danny Cat''': I'm glad you liked it.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Oh, you know all, that a bob-doo-doo-dee-ya-aaaah! ''[falling down]''
:'''Danny Cat''': No, it's a little more like, here, I'll show you.
:''[The piano music plays]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Whoa, whoa!
:''[Pudge and Danny dancing]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Hey, hey, hey!
:'''Danny Cat''': Wait a minute. Where-where's that music coming from?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Danny and Pudge sees the piano music plays]''
:'''Danny Cat and Peabo Pudgemeyer''': It's him, it's Woolie the Mammoth! <big><big><big>'''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!'''''</span></big></big></big>
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Uh-huh! That's it! B-Flat. Why, you have a natural rear for music, little fellow. Little fellow. ''[chortles]'' If my old eyes aren't failing me, I'd say... you're the fellow who caused all that commotion today!
:'''Danny Cat''': Yeah, I guess I really upset Miss Dimple. ''[chuckles nervously]''
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': ''[threatening]'' Yes, you did. Jolly-good show! ''[laughs]'' Ah, tea time! Would you chaps like a cup?
:'''Danny Cat''': Sure.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Okay!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Splendid! It's a special peanut brew from [[India]], the upper regions. ''[he footsteps cause his trailer to lean to the side sending Danny and Pudge rolling to one side of the trailer, with Woolie's piano crashing into them]'' Did you know the peanut is not a nut at all? And, it's not a pea for that matter either. ''[the piano moves away as Danny mutters and sees birds flying around his head. He grabs onto Woolie's gramophone for dear life]'' It's rather odd that they call it a nut, because it isn't a nut, you see, it's-it's... It's a member of the legume family. Sugar?
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Yeah.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': ''[continue]'' Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How about pea legume? Nope, nope, nope, nope. That didn't make sense either. But, whatever it is it makes a splendid tea. My great grandmother developed this recipe, with certain additions from yours truly. Oh, I forgot the cream! Would you like some cream?
:'''Danny Cat''': No, no, no!
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Don't go to any trouble!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': All right, all right. Suit yourself. Suit yourself.
:'''Danny Cat''': That music was great, Woolie. Did you write it for some movie?
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': No, no, it's not for any movie. I used to hope that one day, I'd write music for the motion pictures. But, all they wanted me for was to put on those beastly tusks and... ''[trumpets loudly]'' at the beginning of every film.
:'''Danny Cat''': What a waste of your talent.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Oh, it's the same for everyone. Look behind you. So many, many broken dreams.
:'''Danny Cat''': Is that Sawyer?
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Poor Sawyer. I thought she'd be the one to make it. Such a dancer, with the voice of an angel.
:'''Danny Cat''': I never would have guessed.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': That's what this town does to you, my boy. It wears you down.
:'''Danny Cat''': But I thought Hollywood was always looking for new talent.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Ah, ah, ah! Talented people, not animals. ''[sighs]'' You see, the spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me. And it's foolish to think otherwise, Danny. Danny?
:'''Danny Cat''': Mmm. Yeah. ''[chuckles]'' Foolish. Unless... ''[plunks a few piano keys]'' ...we can remind them.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Hmm. Uh, of what?
:'''Danny Cat''': Why they came here in the first place.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Security Guard''': ''[to the animals]'' All right, all of you! Listen up! I only need you, water buffalo, for the [[Tarzan (1999 film)|Tarzan]] jungle stampede! The rest of you, go home!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Well, today's shot! Might as well go home and clean!
:''[He retreats back into his shell and turns on a vacuum, Sawyer types in the office.]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Here's our chance, Pudge. Come on! Hey, everybody!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Huh?
:'''Cranston Goat''': Oh, look who's back! I wish he'd get himself stuffed.
:'''Frances Albacore''': I know a divine taxidermist darling. Did my first husband.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[song to Animal Jam plays]'' Come on, everybody, gather 'round! Don't let this old town getcha down. Look at you there with the long, long face.
:'''Horse''': ''[to another horse]'' Hey, he must be talking to you.
:'''Danny Cat''': You take this and you take that! Come over here, T.W., put on this hat! If we all work together, we can make our dreams come true! Let's show the world what we can do. Pudge?
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Yeah! ''[plays drums]''
:'''Animal''': Boogie with me!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' I got rhythm / In my feet / I got rhythm in my heart and soul / I got rhythm / Hot and sweet / Sometimes rhythm makes me loose control / Hat-cha-cha-chow! / I want everyone / To have all the fun / That I have / I got rhythm / So do you / Let's turn it on and show 'em what we can do!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Bye!
:''[The animals dancing while Tillie snaps Danny. Meanwhile, Max brushes Darla on his face]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Perfect! How could you possibly improve a face like this? What is that hideous racket?
:''[The animals dancing while then the animals singing and dancing]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Look at them. I'm ashamed to be an animal.
:'''Frances Albacore''': Oh, shut up, you old nanny, and show old Franny what you got.
:''[Cranston and Frances dancing]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Whoo-pee!
:''[Danny climbs the ladder and the light dust. Sawyer types the paper on the desk]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Huh? ''[music plays and she sees the animals; screams]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Come on, Sawyer. Grab a partner and do-si-do.
:'''Danny Cat''': Hey, Sawyer, dance with me? I hear you're a natural.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Who told you that?
:''[Woolie trumpets]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Listen, Danny, it's a waste of time! You'll never get to dance in the movies.
:'''Danny Cat''': Movies? Did I say movies? Not really, we're just having fun.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yeah, sure, forget it.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Look at those fools. Laughable isn't it Max? Max? ''[Max dancing and gasps]'' <big><big><big>'''''MAX!'''''</span></big></big></big> ''[growls]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Hmm. ''[dancing]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Not bad, a little rusty, but hey, who's perfect?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Rusty? ''[they all dancing]'' I'll give you rusty!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Like I said, dancing is a waste of time.
:'''Danny Cat''': What if I could get you an audition with L.B. Mammoth?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': L.B. Mammoth? Head of Mammoth Studios?
:'''Darla Dimple''': WHAT?!
:'''Danny Cat''': I know he'd appreciate real talent.
:'''Cranston Goat''': After nothing but Darla, he's gotta be STARVING for it!
:''[Darla growls and groans, which melts her mudpack facial off her face.]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': You're dreaming, Danny!
:'''Danny Cat''': Maybe I am. But so were you, just a few minutes ago.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Can you really get us an audition with the boss, Danny?
:''[He sees Darla and Max was the poster like a parody of [[Aladdin (1992 Disney film)|Darladdin and the Magic Lamp]]]''
:'''Danny Cat''': It's worth a try. Once he sees us, there'll be a whole new set of stars in town.
:'''Darla Dimple''': An audition? Max! ''[snap fingers]'' Invite that cat. To tea...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': Thanks for coming over, Donald.
:'''Danny Cat''': Uh, Danny.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, yeah. Danny. Animal cracker?
:'''Danny Cat''': Uh...
:'''Darla Dimple''': No? More for me! I wanted to apologize for what Max did the other day. He's so bad sometimes.
:'''Max''': Ow...
:'''Danny Cat''': No, it's alright, Miss Dimple. Really.
:'''Darla Dimple''': No, no, no, it was terrible, awful, cruel! Inappropriately violent. And I want to make it all up to you.
:'''Danny Cat''': No, no, you don't have to.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, I insist! Is there anything you need?
:'''Danny Cat''': No...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Isn't there something I could do for you?
:'''Danny Cat''': I don't think so.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Isn't there a certain someone who runs a certain studio that I could introduce you to?
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, is there anyway that you can arrange for me and the other animals to perform for L.B. Mammoth?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Why, [[Denis Leary|Denis]]! I'd be delighted. ''[gasps]'' Idea.
:'''Max''': Ping.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Maybe you can all do a number in my movie?
:'''Danny Cat''': You? You mean it?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Why, it's just what the picture needs.
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh, I couldn't impose.
:'''Darla Dimple''': I'll give you use of my sound-stage, my ark and anything else you might need.
:'''Danny Cat''': Really?
:'''Darla Dimple''': You get all your little friends ready, and I'll make sure L.B. sees your splashy debut.
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh, thank you, Miss Dimple...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Ah, ah, ah, call me Darla!
:'''Danny Cat''': Thank you, Darla!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Don't mention it. ''[giggles]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Sawyer could do a romantic balled and Woolie can even play a piano solo.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Did you hear that, Max? Woolie, the elephant, can even play a solo!
:'''Max''': Grah...
:'''Danny Cat''': Don't you think that would have been a good idea?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Well, I think... you really want my advice?
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh yes, oh yes, please!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Well...
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Max begins music number on piano]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' I've seen 'em come, and I've seen 'em go / There's one thing that I know / You gotta give the people what they want / Or you'll wind up back in Kokomo, Nebraska.
:'''Danny Cat''': Uh, Indiana, Miss Dimple.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Whatever. ''[singing]'' They like it big, they like it loud / Maybe a little bit jazzy sometimes / Mister Pussycat, listen to me / You don't have to be good, but you had better be.
:'''Max''': Get hot, Miss Dimple.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' Big and loud, big and loud / Wanna make your momma proud? / Make it big / And loud...| ''[speaking]'' Leaves you kinda speechless, don't it?
:'''Danny Cat''': Thank you, Darla!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, no, no, no, I just made a few professional suggestments. You just get all your little friends ready by [[Friday]] at 3... and I'll take care of L.B., and let's leave this between us shall we? I don't like to advertise my charitable work.
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh, right. Thanks, Miss Dimple! Thanks a lot!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Your welcome, Dino.
:'''Danny Cat''': Goodbye!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Ta-ta! See you in the movies.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[over phone]'' [[w:Publicity Department of the Chinese Communist Party|Publicity Department]]?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Is L.B.'s big press conference still Friday at 3?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[over phone]'' Yes it is, Miss Dimple.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, thank you so much. ''[phone hangs up]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[laughs evilly; singing]'' I didn't get where I am today.
:'''Chorus''': Ah-ah-ah-ah.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' By letting myself get pushed around.
:'''Chorus''': Ah-ah-ah.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' No man, or beast, or kitty cat, or doggy / Is goin' to drag me down.
:''[Max laughs evilly]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Shut up, Max. ''[singing]'' The lightning will be flashing / The thunder, it will roar / They'll never know what hit 'em.
:'''Chorus''': Ah-ah-ah.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' Wait'll they see what I have in store.
:'''Chorus''': Ooh-ooh.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' Big and loud / It's gon' be big and loud / When they fall, they'll really fall / And they're gonna fall big.
:'''Chorus''': Big.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' And they're gonna fall loud.
:'''Chorus''': Loud.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' They're gonna fall big and... ''[laughs evilly]''
:''[Max laughs evilly]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Shut up, Max. ''[singing]'' Loud.
:'''Chorus''': Loud. ''[fades to black]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Thunder booms]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Thunder and lightning. Check. Special effects all ready, Danny!
:'''Danny Cat''': All right, everybody. Mr. Mammoth will be here any minute. Get into position. Remember, do it like you did in the alley. Only make it big and loud this time. And don't be nervous.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Nervous? Why would I be nervous?
:'''Rabbit''': Give me that!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Well, well. Run of the sound-stage, use of Darla's ark, costumes... I don't know. Something seems fishy.
:'''Frances Albacore''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Sorry. It's just that I smell a rat.
:'''Mouse''': Excuse me?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, never mind.
:'''Danny Cat''': So, you decided to join us, huh?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Me? Oh, no, no, no. This is never gonna work. Besides, how did you arrange all of this?
:'''Danny Cat''': Let's just say a little angel's looking out for us.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, boy.
:'''Danny Cat''': Come on, Sawyer. Your life isn't back there in that office. It's here.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': ''[Off-screen]'' It's 3:00, Danny!
:'''Danny Cat''': Dance with me. See you on board.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I can't do this.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': And?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I can't do this.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': So?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Why would do this to me?
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Fortune says "Rough waters ahead". ''[shivers]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Start the rain, Pudge. When L.B. shows up we'll come out singing and dancing!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Flanigan''': Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I bring you the founder of Mammoth Pictures, Mr. L.B. Mammoth! Boom chachalaca boom chachalaca boom!
:'''Reporter''': Gee whiz, Mr. Mammoth, what's the secret of your success?
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Simple! It's Dimple!
:'''Flanigan''': Dainty Delightful Darla Dimple!
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Ah, the recipe for a Darla Dimple movie. Begin with one part adorable character in jeopardy.
:''[Inside the sound-stage, Darla has tied up Pudge]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Sorry, penguin, but in everyone's life, a little rain must fall. Max, man the valves!
:'''Max''': Yes, Miss Dimple.
:''[Max opens the water valve]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Add two parts perky determination...
:'''Darla Dimple''': More water, Max. More water!
:''[Max opens the water valve even more, causing the shower heads to burst open]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Sprinkle in an air of innocence...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Wind, Max! We must have '''WIND!'''
:''[Max rips off the fan guard, grips one of the blades, and pushes it down, creating wind]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Stir in...
:'''Darla Dimple''': More water!
:''[Max rips off the water valve, sending gallons of water gushing out into the flood]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Add a pinch of...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Thunder!
:''[Max grips a steam pipe, which starts bulging at the bottom. Two gauges and a bulb burn out, harming Pudge. The steam pipe eventually bursts, letting off steam]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': And an itsy-bitsy dash of...
:'''Darla Dimple''': <big><big><big>'''''LIGHTNING!!!'''''</span></big></big></big>
:''[Darla cackling evilly, Max slams the two lightning generators to create lightning]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Mix them all together, and what do you get?
:''[He presses the open door button and the stage doors open, revealing a flooded stage which then spills out into the lot with they screaming in terror. Flanigan leaps into his boss' arms]''
:'''Flanigan''': ''[panicking]'' Mommy!
:''[The two friends scream their heads off, followed by the reporters, who scream and run for their lives. Then, the massive flood spills into the open lot, engulfing L.B. Mammoth and Flanigan. Back on the ark, Danny is at the steering wheel as he tries to steer the ark, while Woolie clings onto the crow's nest for dear life. The animal actors scream in terror as the ark does a corkscrew]''
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[panicking]'' Throw the anchor! Somebody, throw the anchor!
:''[Tillie tosses the anchor that catches Flanigan and L.B. Mammoth]''
:'''Tillie Hippo''': It's L.B.! ''[singing]'' ''We're on! Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag / And smile, smile, smile'' ''[bashing T.W. and Frances together]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[imitating Danny]'' "Your life isn't back there at the office". He says! "Dance with me". He says. ''[nags at him]'' You know what your problem is?! You're pushy, self centered, pig-headed... No offense, Herb.
:'''Herb Pig''': None taken.
:''[The flood approaches a '''[[w:Samson and Delilah (1949 film)|Samson and Delilah]]''' movie set]''
:'''Crewman''': Action. We're pushing, we're pushing... We're running, we're running!
:''[Danny and Sawyer are covered in their [[Egyptian]] garb]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': And, your driving stinks!
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, maybe you could do better. Go ahead, you take it.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': You take it.
:'''Danny Cat''': You take it.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': No, no, no.
:'''Danny Cat''': If you think you know so much... Sawyer!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I don't want it.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Well it doesn't get any worse than this. I was wrong. It's worse.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[gasps]'' Oh my. This is an awkward moment. I don't think we met. I'm Tillie. Mr. Mammoth, Cranston, Cranston, Mr. Mammoth, Flanigan, Cranston... <big><big><big><big><big><big>'''''AAAAAAH!!!'''''</span></big></big></big></big></big></big>
:'''Announcer''': What appears to be a tidal wave, folks, is actually just a special effect.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': This has gone far enough! Give me that!
:'''Danny Cat''': You didn't want it before! Give it!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Excuse me I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but we're about to...
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[in unison]'' Will you just stay out of this?!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Ooh, sorry.
:'''Danny Cat''': Let go. Let go.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I'm telling you...
:'''Receptionists''': Good day, Mr. Mammoth.
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': You animals will never...
:'''Flanigan''': nibble kibble in this town again!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': I think they liked it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[out of outfit]'' But it wasn't... ''[door gates closed]'' it wasn't their fault. ''[rumbling sounds]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Nice working with you, Danny. ''[laughs evilly]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Let go! Let me go! ''[spits a water]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Singing and dancing animals!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': She was your little angel?
:'''Danny Cat''': She said she wanted to help us.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': And you believed her?
:'''Danny Cat''': But I... But I... Woolie, I would... I'd...
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': The spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me. Go home, son. Go home.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Thunder, in a bar at the midnight]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Goodbye, show biz; hello, farm work.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[in a bar]'' Well, there's always [[w:Broadway|Broadway]]. Yeah! Broadway! I hear hippos are very big on Broadway!
:'''Frances Albacore''': They're big ''everywhere'', darling!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': You know... this is all Danny's fault.
:'''Cranston Goat''': You got it brother. That toe-tapping tom!
:'''Frances Albacore''': I never trusted him. Too happy.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well, I have to admit, we were better off before.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Well, let's face it. That cat ruined our already miserable lives.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well, he's just a... He's a crackerjack is what he is.
:'''Cranston Goat''': She's right. You're doggone right.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Nothing but trouble, that guy.
:'''Frances Albacore''': Horrid little being.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Bad luck! Old happy feet better not show his face around here again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[the song to Tell Me Lies plays]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' I never believed that there was a rainbow / With a pot of gold at the end / I'm much too smart for fairy tales like that / Yet, here I am again...| I thought this time / This time, we're gonna make it / Why I thought so, I really don't know / Maybe something in his eyes just told me so / Something in his eyes...| Tell me lies, and I'll come runnin' / I must have lost my mind / I could close my eyes / And tell you just exactly what's comin' / Life's gonna turn just a little unkind...| Seems like everyone's sailing way out on the sea / And I'm stuck here on the shore / Sun's always shining, but it's never for me / Why should I try anymore?| Tell me lies, tell me lies / I'll just keep right on going / This time I've got to believe in the dream / This time I've got to believe in his dream...| ''[song fades]''
:''[Tillie leans back on diner]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Tillie!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': You know you can still catch him at the bus stop.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Danny, wait! Danny!
:'''Bus Driver''': So, I guess it's just you and me tonight, buddy. Hey, did you hear about that disaster at Mammoth Pictures? Animals, What a bunch of noodleheads. I mean, look at them. They have no future. What am I telling you, son? You'll be heading back home real soon.
:'''Danny Cat''': Stop the bus!
:'''Bus Driver''': Jeez! What do you wanna stop for? We just barely got started.
:'''Danny Cat''': Exactly. See you in the movies.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Musical montage, Danny typing in the office]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': ''[to a mailman]'' Will you get off my property?!
:''[Montage to musical, workers building the destruction, Darla cleaning his face, Darla Dimple his balloon and stage for the decorations in a movie theater]''
:'''Announcer''': All of Hollywood is represented here tonight for the premiere of Lil Ark Angel. How about a big hand for [[Joan Crawford]], [[Cary Grant]], [[W. C. Fields]], [[Clark Gable]], and L.B. Mammoth!
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Carry on!
:'''Announcer''': Ladies and gentlemen, how about a big hand for Darla Dimple! America's Sweetheart Lover of Children and Animals, and the star of tonight's gala Hollywood premiere, Lil Ark Angel. Darla Dimple's handprints are enshrined. In the forecourt of the [[Chinese]] Theater. Ladies and gentlemen, we're all gonna Gather inside the theater to see the world premiere of Lil Ark Angel starring Darla Dimple!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Woolie trumpets in movie]''
:'''Frances Albacore''': Oh excuse me.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Move!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Excuse me...
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Can I just squeeze past, son? Thank you, very much. ''[throws the people away]'' Ooh, so sorry.
:'''Danny Cat''': They're in! The minute the movie ends, we go on.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in movie]'' Yeah, as you walk through your valley of despair, fear not. For I am your little Ark Angel, and I will look after each and every little, teensy-weensy, itsy-bitsy one of you!
:''[Crowd "awww"s]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Shoot me.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in movie]'' My radiant glow shall be a shining beacon to light the path for you poor... helpless animals. I shall lift you out of the depths of despair. My sweet cherubic voice will sing you a lullaby to soothe your fears. ''[Max's ear rings and angry face]'' Think of me as your guardian. Fear not, for I, the Lil' Ark Angel...
:'''Danny Cat''': It's almost time! I'll go set the lights.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Check!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in movie]'' The weatherman says it's going to rain for days and nights! Hark, here comes a big fat rain cloud!
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Danny... Look behind you, Danny. Danny...!
:''[Max has Danny cornered, but falls on top of the Darla balloon.]''
:'''Max''': Here, kitty kitty kitty! Nice kitty! Kitty! ''[laughs evilly]'' Huh?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[holding the rope]'' How does the kitty cat go?
:'''Max''': ''[smiles nervously]'' Meow?
:'''Danny Cat''': Very good. ''[let goes of the rope, popping the Darla balloon out, sending Max flying like Buzz Lightyear in '''[[Toy Story]]''']''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Danny! The movie's over! Everybody's leaving! We gotta... ''[looks at Danny]'' Whoa; you're a mess!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[People cheering]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Do you really love me?
:'''Danny Cat''': Ladies and gentlemen. Wait! Please, take your seats! ''[coughs]'' Today we've come to honor Miss Darla Dimple. And because Darla Dimple cares she's arranged a special treat for you.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[gasps]'' Have I?
:'''Danny Cat''': A special live show with an all animal cast!
:'''Frances Albacore''': Not this guppy.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Yeah. No, I'm with her.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Come on, Sawyer.
:'''Danny Cat''': Unheard of, yes, of course, but not enough for America's Sweetheart Lover of Children and Animals!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[growls]'' Max?
:'''Danny Cat''': No, no, no. Now, don't try to share the credit. You're the one who has wanted us to perform for L.B., and I was not dreaming of performing without my friend... ''[notices they are not there]'' I-I...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Silly cat. Run along now. Skit scat, Mr. Kitty Cat. Isn't he cute? Run along and play, Mr. Kitty!
:'''Danny Cat''': Sawyer?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': We're all behind you, Danny. 100%. Don't let them go, Tillie!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[Tillie is holding T.W., Cranston, and Frances in her arms]'' I got them!
:'''Cranston Goat''': Let go! Have you lost your mind?
:'''Frances Albacore''': Release me you mad hippo!
:'''Danny Cat''': Wait.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': One big happy family!
:'''Danny Cat''': Just a minute. Please.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': ''[Looking at his fortunes]'' You will meet with disaster!
:'''Danny Cat''': Would you just listen to me?
:'''Cranston Goat''': I'll chew your ears off!
:'''Danny Cat''': Cranston!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': The end is near! The fat lady sung!
:'''Danny Cat''': Look, if you're willing to accept what they can think of you, then you can go! ''[everyone gasps]'' I almost did.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Well, you should have! Life here for animals is the pits, always playing the scapegoat!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Quickly forgotten!
:'''Frances Albacore''': Working for scale!
:'''Danny Cat''': Then why are you still here?
:'''Cranston Goat''': Why?! ''[everyone pauses]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Because you can't forget the feeling, can you? The feeling you have when... ''[Refers to Cranston and Frances]'' when you two dance together. ''[Camera switches to Woolie]'' When you play. ''[Danny motions to Sawyer]'' When you sing. They cursed you, humiliated you, and even slam the door in your face. But they still haven't made you forget. Have they?
:'''T.W. Turtle''': ''[searches through his fortune cookie papers]'' They can smash your cookie, but... but you'll always have your fortune. ''[everyone grins]'' Huh.
:'''Danny Cat''': Come on. Let's go show 'em what we can do.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': Well... ''[yawns]'' It's kind of getting kind of more or less rather late!
:'''Danny Cat''': You weren't right! Hit it Pudge!
:''[Pudge plays saxophone]''
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[song to Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now plays; singing]'' Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen / If you would be so kind.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Humph!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Got someone very special here / She's 'bout to speak her mind...
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' I gotta song to sing / If you don't like my song I'm gonna sing it anyhow! / I gotta dream in my heart! / Yeah! Nothin's gonna stop us now!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Take 4 and 20 blackbirds / And bake 'em in a pie / Before you put it in the oven, babe, you know they're gonna fly.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Say curiosity killed the cat? / I'm livin' proof that that's a lie!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Now I'm gonna tell you why! / Yeah! Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' And if I wanna dance I'll dance!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' She'll dance!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Just as long as the law will allow!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Dance and sing all night long! / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Yеah! Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Yeah!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': ''[singing]'' Look for me wherе there's the smell of danger! / The smell of danger is my middle name / I've been very quiet / But I've got a lot to say, believe me!
:'''Frances Albacore and Cranston Goat''': ''[singing]'' If you ain't goin' with us then stay out of our way!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[singing]'' Oh, Dear! Locked down, knocked down, locked down, shut down, held / Down, fell down, Everybody! / Push back, push back, get on a contract! / When you got yours you musta got mine!
:'''All''': ''[singing]'' Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' I gotta feeling inside! / The moon! And it's love! Without a doubt! / Oh, I got someone I'm crazy about!! / Nothing's gonna stop us now!| Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' No, no, no! / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
:''[The crowd cheering]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': '''''I'M'' THE STAR!!''' ''[crawls over to Danny]'' You stupid, stupid '''''CAT!''''' ''[furiously grabs Danny by the collar]'' I should have drowned you all when I <big>'''''FLOODED THE STAGE!'''''</big>
:''[to Darla's horror upon noticing the microphone stuck to her picking up her confession, her remark 'Flooded the stage!' echoes through the speakers and the audience overhears the confession in shock at Darla, including Flanigan and L.B., the latter whose jaw drops in shock]''
:'''Woman''': Darla Dimple?
:'''Man''': I can't believe it...
:''[Darla, realizing her true colors had been exposed, nervously smiles, tightly hugs Danny and kisses him before nervously laughing. Pudge giggles and pushes the trap door lever in revenge for her treatment.]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[last words as she falls down a trapdoor]'' '''WHOA!''' <big>'''''MAAAAAAAAAAAAX!!!!!!!!'''''</big>
:'''Max''': ''[last words as he flies far in the distance onto the giant Darla Dimple balloon through Paris, France]'' '''OUIIIIIII, MISS DIMPLE...!'''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Put her there! ''[electrocutes T.W.]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Well, now, let's see. ''[She takes Danny's list]'' Go to Premiere. Check. Land a big part, check. Get the girl? Check.
:'''Danny Cat''': I love you, Sawyer.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I love you, Danny.
:''[The two hold hands and were about to kiss, as a delighted Flanigan cuts in between them, kissing his cheeks instead]''
:'''Flanigan''': Sweethearts! Celebrities! Darlings!
:''[L.B. pushes Flanigan aside]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Get a picture, boys! These kids will be making history!
:'''Chorus''': ''[the movie posters are shown]'' Can you feel the power now? / The day is ours / For you and I, there comes a time / To hold our heads high / We make a little history / Each time we dare to dream / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / We make a little history / Each time we dare to dream / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Our time has come / Our time...| ''[song fades]''
:''[Darla is seen working as a janitor putting up a "The End" poster on a wall. The poster falls down and wraps around her]''
==WILL DOWNING lyrics (I Do Believe)==
:'''Will Downing''': I still believe in miracles / And Lord I hope you do / I've been there when nothing else / But a miracle would take me through / Taking a chance / With all the faith in my heart / Back to the wall, I'll give it all / 'Cause I know you're gonna give it all back to me.
:'''Chorus''': I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me / This has to be / I do believe.
:'''Will Downing''': People die out of loneliness / It happens every day / It only takes a little tenderness / To ease all the hurt away / Having you here / Healing my life with your arms / Loving you so / All that I know / Is that I'm never, ever gonna let you go.
:'''Chorus''': 'Cause I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me / I'm gonna let it shine on me / 'Cause this has to be / I do believe.
:'''Will Downing''': Everywhere I go / Everything I see / With a little hope / With a little love / Oh, how beautiful this world could be / How beautiful.
:'''Chorus''': I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / A new world begins / I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me...| I do believe / Yeah / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / I do believe / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me / I believe...| I do believe / Yeah / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / I believe, yes I do / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me.
:'''Will Downing''': I believe / I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Yes I do / Start here with you and me / Heaven gonna start right here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me...|''[chorus singing]''
==Crazy credits==
* Danny and Sawyer will be back in ''[[Looney Tunes: Back in Action]]''.
==Taglines==
* For a Bunch of Funny Friends Trying to Break Into Show Business...
==Voice cast==
* [[w:Scott Bakula|Scott Bakula]] as Danny Cat
* [[w:Jasmine Guy|Jasmine Guy]] as Sawyer Cat (speaking voice)
** [[w:Natalie Cole|Natalie Cole]] (singing voice)
* [[w:Ashley Peldon|Ashley Peldon]] as Darleen "Darla" Dimple (speaking voice)
** [[w:Lindsay Ridgeway|Lindsay Ridgeway]] (singing voice)
** [[w:Holly Gauthier-Frankel|Holly Gauthier-Frankel]] (screaming voice)
* [[Kathy Najimy]] as Tillie Hippo
* [[John Rhys-Davies]] as Woolie Mammoth
* [[w:George Kennedy|George Kennedy]] as L.B. Mammoth
* [[René Auberjonois]] as Flanigan
* [[w:Betty Lou Gerson|Betty Lou Gerson]] as Frances
* [[w:Hal Holbrook|Hal Holbrook]] as Cranston
* [[w:Matthew Herried|Matthew Herried]] as Peabo "Pudge" Pudgemeyer
* [[w:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]] as T.W. Turtle (speaking voice)
** Rick Logan (singing voice)
* [[Frank Welker]] as Farley Wink
* [[w:David Johansen|David Johansen]] as Bus Driver
* [[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]] as Max
* [[w:Peter Renaday|Peter Renaday]] as Narrator
* [[w:Tony Pope|Tony Pope]] as Alligator
* [[w:Dee Bradley Baker|Dee Bradley Baker]] as King Kong
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as Turkey
* [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as Announcer for "Lil' Ark Angels"
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Horse
* Vanessa Theme Ament as Additional Voices
* [[w:Catherine Battistone|Catherine Battistone]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] as Additional Voices
* Shelby Daniel as Additional Voices
* [[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Barbara Goodson|Barbara Goodson]] as Additional Voices
* Patty Lund as Additional Voices
* [[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]] as Additional Voices
* Gary Matanky as Additional Voices
* [[w:Patricia Parris|Patricia Parris]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Doug Stone|Doug Stone]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:David W. Thompson|David W. Thompson]] as Additional Voices
* Torri Whitehead as Additional Voices
* [[Rodger Bumpass]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Liz Callaway|Liz Callaway]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Paul Eiding|Paul Eiding]] as Script Guy
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] as Tough Guy
* [[w:Sherry Lynn|Sherry Lynn]] as Additional Voices
* Jennifer Seguin as Additional Voices
* [[w:Jennifer Darling|Jennifer Darling]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Additional Voices
* Mickie McGowan as Additional Voices
* Carole Jeghers as Additional Voices
* [[w:Emma Taylor-Isherwood|Emma Taylor-Isherwood]] as Additional Voices
* Marcel Jeannin as Additional Voices
* [[w:Rick Jones (voice actor)|Rick Jones]] as Additional Voices
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:1997 animated films]]
[[Category:1997 American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Animated coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Animated films about cats]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mark Dindal]]
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'''''[[w:Cats Don't Dance|Cats Don't Dance]]''''' is a 1997 American Canadian animated musical comedy film distributed by Warner Bros. Family Entertainment, which follows a cat named Danny who dreams of becoming an actor, though Hollywood only allows human actors.
:''Directed by [[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]]. Written by [[w:Bobs Gannaway|Bobs Gannaway]], Cliff Ruby, Elana Lesser, and Theresa Pettengill.''
:''Music by Steve Goldstein'' and includes "I Do Believe". Written and performed by [[w:Will Downing|Will Downing]].
{{center|'''For a Bunch of Funny Friends Trying to Break Into Show Business...'''([[Cats Don't Dance#Taglines|taglines]])}}
== Narrator ==
* Once upon a time, there was a princess and a peasant. She lived atop a hill in a glittering castle. There she had a servant who kept her castle in order, selected and pressed her robes for the day, prepared her royal breakfast, and served it to her in her chambers. She had fame, she had fortune. She had product endorsements. But she was not what she seemed. On the other hand, in a humble village far away, the peasant had none of her luxuries. But he had a dream. So with a fond farewell from his closest friends, and gifts of good luck, best wishes and useless junk. Although it's the thought that counts. His world was about to clash with hers, in a place called: Hollywood.
== Danny Cat ==
* ''[singing]'' Hollywood! Where the streets are paved with gold, where the kiddies never grow old! Right here in Hollywood!
* If you have any openings for a talented cat, I'm your man! Er...I mean, your cat!
* Come on, Sawyer. Your life is not really back in that office. It's here. Dance with me?
* Sawyer could do a romantic ballet and Woolie can even play a piano solo.
* There there, Pudge. ''[pats Pudge on the back while Pudge cries]''
== Sawyer Cat ==
* I'm a secretary; not an actress.
* No chow; no meow.
* Hey Kong, how's the picture coming?
* ''[phone rings]'' Farley Wink's Animal Actors Agency. How can I help you? ''[listens]'' You need a lamb for the Moses picture? ''[listens as a lamb gets excited]'' Oh. A ''sacrificial'' lamb? ''[listens as the same lamb cringes in fear]'' Sorry! Fresh out! ''[hangs up]'' Every day, I ask myself; why do I put up with this?
* What? This pigsty?!
* Unless you're talking about the ''glamour of filing'', the romance of typing.
* Like I said, dancing is a waste of time.
== Peabo "Pudge" Pudgemeyer ==
* That ice thing is just my side job. The name's Peabo Pudgemeyer, but you can call me "Pudge". ''[bell rings]'' Oh. Time to start. Better get your costume!
* I was going to slug that big, dumb Max for you, but I didn't want to hurt the guy. And what's that Dimple kid's problem? I thought you worked great today!
* Danny! The movie's over! Everybody's leaving! ''[looks at Danny]'' Whoa; you're a mess!
== Frances Albacore ==
* Oh, for the love of [[Moby-Dick|Moby Dick]]!
* I need a drink!
== T.W. Turtle ==
* There's no use trying; Miss Tillie. My fortune cookie last night said, "Give it up, you loser!"
* Fortune says, "Raging waters ahead!"
* They can smash your cookie, but you'll always have...your fortune!
== Woolie the Mammoth ==
* The spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me, and it's foolish to think otherwise, Danny.
* Poor Sawyer. I thought she'd be the one to make it. Such a dancer, with the voice of an angel.
== Darleen "Darla" Dimple ==
* ''[outraged]'' '''I...HATE...''' <big><big><big><big>'''''ANIMALS!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big></big>''[points at Danny]'' Especially that one!
* Shut up, Max.
* ''[to a concerned Danny]'' You just get all your little friends at Friday at 3 and I'll take care of L.B. And let's leave this between us, shall we? I don't like to advertise my charitable work.
* ''[last words]'' '''''I'M'' THE STAR!!''' ''[crawls over to Danny]'' You stupid, stupid '''''CAT!''''' ''[furiously grabs Danny by the collar]'' I should have drowned you all when <big><big>'''''I FLOODED THE STAGE!!!'''''</big></big> ''['''''FLOODED THE STAGE!''''' echoes through the speakers shocks Sawyer and the audience overhears the confession in shock as Darla, realizing she had been exposed, mischievously smiles, hugs Danny and kisses him. Pudge pushes the lever down, which causes the trap door to open and the sound equipment fall through the trap door, carrying her with them]'' '''WHOA!''' <big><big>'''''MAX!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big>
== Max ==
* How does the kitty cat go?
* '''VERY''' <big><big>'''''GOOD!'''''</big></big> ''[he smashes Danny into the ground]'' Will that be all, Miss Dimple?
* Get hot, Miss Dimple.
* ''[last words as he flies into the distance onto the giant Darla Dimple balloon through [[Paris]], [[France]]]'' <big><big>'''OUI, MISS DIMPLE!'''</big></big>
==Others==
* '''Herb Pig''': None taken.
* '''Bull''': So aggravating and humiliating. I'm outta this picture business.
* '''King Kong''': Oooh! Don't get me started! Ngggh!
==Dialogue==
:'''Narrator''': ''[first lines]'' Once upon a time, there was a princess and a peasant. She lived a top of hill in a glittering castle. There, she had a servant who kept her castle in order, prepared her breakfast, and chose her daily robes for the day. She had fame. She had fortune.
:'''Crowd''': Bravo. Delightful.
:'''Narrator''': She had product endorsements. But, she was not what she was seemed. ''[Darla Dimple giggles]'' On the other hand, in a humble village far away, the peasant had none of her luxuries, but he had a dream. So, with a fond farewell from his closest friends and gifts of good luck, best wishes... and useless junk, although it's the thought that counts, his world was about to clash with hers in a place called: [[Hollywood]]!
:'''Crowd''': Goodbye!
:'''Chorus''': Woo-hooo...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / With a little faith, we can / Step from the shadows and / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Our time has come, we're heading / Straight for the sun, oh / With heart and soul, well watch us go / We're on our way / With a little love, we know / Nothing can stop us, so / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Are you ready to wish upon a star? / Well, I'll be ready to follow my own heart / Are you ready to be set free? / Well, I'll be ready to reach out for that dream / Just over the horizon...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / With a little faith, we can / Step from the shadows and / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Are you ready to make your move? / Well, I'll be ready for a miracle to come true / Are you ready for the world to believe in you? / Well, I'll be ready to reach out for that dream / Just over the horizon...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / With a little love, we know / Nothing can stop us, so / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Ooooh...| ''[song fades]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': ''[humming]'' Whee!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Since I was a little kitten, I had a dream / My name in lights: Danny, The Song-and-Dance Cat / I got on a bus and came to the town / Where dreams can come true / It's gonna happen for me / It could happen for you.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Who me?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' You can do anything if you try / The most impossible dream can come true / If you believe it / This is my kind of town, it's as clear as the nose on your face / This is the time, this is the place / This is the time.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': So long!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Taxi!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' This must be the place...| Hollywood, where the streets are paved with gold / Where the kitties never grow old, in Hollywood / Hollywood, where the stars don't shine at night / They walk around in the broad daylight, in Hollywood...| Dig that face / They ain't seen nothin' like it any place / It's right up off the movie screen / If you know what I mean...| Look at me / I'm gonna be the cat to see / I'm going down in history / Just watch me...| Hollywood, where the streets are paved with gold / Where dream can never grow old / Right here in Hollywood...| ''[song fades]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Danny enters the room]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, hi there, ma'am, how you doing?
:'''Frances Albacore''': Poor.
:'''Danny Cat''': What's your name there? Okay. I'm Danny, do you mind if I sit down? Oh, excuse me.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Cranston! Oh, don't mind him Danny. He was just leaving! ''[knocks Cranston aside]'' Hi, I'm Tillie, this is Cranston. ''[echoes]'' Cranston! Cranston! Danny! Danny! T.W.! T.W.! Danny! Danny! Frances! Frances! Danny! T.W.! Frances! Frances! ''[Danny becomes dizzy]'' So, new in town?
:'''Danny Cat''': I just arrived. I hear Farley Wink gives good parts for animals.
:'''Frances Albacore''': If you call hanging from a hook a good part.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well, at least it's part, huh?
:'''T.W. Turtle''': There's no use trying, Miss Tillie. My fortune cookie last night said, "Give it up, you loser".
:'''Frances Albacore''': I need a drink.
:'''Danny Cat''': All right, now, let's see. Go to Hollywood, check.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': What are you got there?
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, this is a plan I worked out. You see, I figure if I work really hard by [[Friday]], I'll land my first big part. Well, that's how it worked for you, right?
:'''Frances Albacore and Cranston Goat''': Oh, sure! Right! Oh, right!
:'''Cranston Goat''': Why, not [[Thursday]]?
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Now, Danny, you just go in and let Mr. Wink know you're here. They're casting a big '''''[[w:Noah's Ark|Noah's Ark]]''''' movie. Lots of work for animals. Oh, your tie is a little crooked. Wait a minute. Straighten you up, dust you off and perfect. Good luck. ''[snort laughs]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Thanks a lot!
:'''Farley Wink''': ''[first words]'' Look, you big ape! I need those two monkeys for another picture! Hello, what is it? You caught me at a bad time; I'm casting the Ark picture! Get off the line! Yes, hello! Wink here. ''[Mumbles in agree as he talks through telephone]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Mr. Wink?
:'''Farley Wink''': Yes?!
:'''Danny Cat''': If you have any openings for a talented cat, I'm your man.
:'''Farley Wink''': Uh-huh?
:'''Danny Cat''': I mean, your cat.
:'''Farley Wink''': All right! Send over two chickens and two lions, but don't send them over in the same car this time! Sheesh! Okay, let's see now. ''[starts yammering]'' Burros, camels, caribou, cats. Say you! Can you play a cat?
:'''Danny Cat''': I am a cat!
:'''Farley Wink''': How would you like to be in the next Darla Dimple picture?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[gasps]'' The Darla Dimple? America's Sweetheart, Lover of Children and Animals?
:'''Farley Wink''': One and the same, kid. One and the same. Just sign here, here, here, here, and here, and here, and here, and here... ''[yammers]'' ...and over there and down the middle.
:''[Sawyer opens the door, looking wet and annoyed from the fountain]''
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Sawyer? What happened to you? ''[giggles]''
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Did you walk under a ladder? Smash a mirror?
:'''Cranston Goat''': Have you looked in one lately? ''[she is not amused]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': No, a cat crossed my path.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Really? Orange Tabby?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yeah.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Green vest?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yes.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Straw hat?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': How did you know?
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Ooh, hippo intuition. ''[snort laughs]''
:'''Farley Wink''': ...and initial this.
:'''Danny Cat''': Wow; this is a dream come true!
:'''Farley Wink''': Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't forget: percent of that dream is mine! Welcome to Hollywood!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Farley Wink's Animal Agency, can I help you? You need a lamb for the [[Moses]] picture?
:'''Lamb''': Yeah!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, a sacrificial lamb?
:'''Lamb''': No, no...
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Sorry fresh out. Everyday I ask myself, "Why I put up with this?"
:'''Frances Albacore''': For the glamour.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': What, this pigsty? No offense, Herb.
:'''Herb Pig''': None taken.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Unless of course, you're referring to the glamour of filing. The romance of typing. Tillie, what are you doing?
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Oh, I'm just fixing you up. You'll wanna look pretty in case you meet someone nice.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yeah, right. As if he'll come waltzing right through that... ''[slammed in her face]''
:'''Farley Wink''': You're gonna be fine, kid. You're the cat's meow. You can meow, can't ya? ''[snickers]'' '''WHERE'S SAWYER?!''' Oh, Sawyer, sweetie, baby!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Whatever it is, the answer is no.
:'''Farley Wink''': I'm in a jam.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[collects her papers she dropped]'' Too bad.
:'''Farley Wink''': Hm, no female cat for the picture?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[removes cigar from Farley's mouth]'' Tough tabby.
:'''Farley Wink''': So guess who gets to fill in?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Hmm, you?
:'''Farley Wink''': Nah, I only fill in for those dashing [[Clark Gable]] types.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Frankly, Clark, I don't give a...
:'''Farley Wink''': Sawyer!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I'm a secretary, not an actress.
:'''Farley Wink''': Give you Sundays off.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Never work [[Sunday]].
:'''Farley Wink''': Double time.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Triple.
:'''Farley Wink''': Triple.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': There an echo?
:'''Farley Wink''': You're pushing me!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': No chow, no meow.
:'''Farley Wink''': Okay, okay, triple time! Here's your partner, he's new in town, be nice!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, forget it!
:'''Farley Wink''': ''[last words]'' Uh-huh, a deal's a deal. Now, get on over to Mammoth Pictures! ''[snickers]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Wow, you're... you're soaking wet! Is it raining outside? Because it was sunny when I came in, and back where I come from... Oh, here, let me get the door for you. Where I come from, you see clouds first.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Stay.
:'''Danny Cat''': After you. And then the rain comes after it. Ha ha ha!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[suddenly, the door closes and tail's hurt cause her to scream in pain]'' '''YEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!''' ''[glares angrily at Danny]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Heh, heh, I'm sorry. Miss?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Mammoth Pictures, with rolling clouds. The gates open to the studio in all its glory, as actors, actresses, stagehands carrying props, and secretaries shuffle around on the studio lot. Danny takes a fascinated gaze at Mammoth Tower as he catches up with Sawyer]''
:'''Turkey''': Oh, I'm telling you. One more plucking scene and... Pow! Right in the gizzard!
:'''Bull''': So aggravating and humiliating. I'm outta this picture business.
:'''Toto''': [[The Wizard of Oz (1939 film)|There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like... home.]]
:'''Danny Cat''': So I guess we're gonna be the only two cats on the ark, huh? Pretty great, huh?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': So much for preserving the species! ''[to [[King Kong]] as he walks by]'' Hey, Kong, how's the picture coming?
:'''King Kong''': ''[a la Daffy Duck]'' Oooh! Don't get me started! Ngggh!
:'''Danny Cat''': You know the King? Wow!
:'''Announcer''': On my side of the tram, home of Darla Dimple... America's sweetheart. Look for Darla in Lil' Ark Angel... coming soon to a theater near you!
:''[Danny and Sawyer arrive at Stage 13, where the stagehands are busy preparing to film the movie]''
:'''Worker''': All right, everybody! We're ready for Darla's big ark!
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Hey! Hey, mister! I could help you push that cart, you know!
:'''Tough Guy''': Hey, what are you doing? Get out of here, kid.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Let me help, will you? I'm little, but I'm strong! ''[bending a straw]''
:'''Tough Guy''': ''[dropping Pudge]'' These sweets are for Miss Dimple. ''[walks away]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Okay, alright, you don't have to get mad. ''[bumps into Danny]'' Uh-oh! I'm busted.
:'''Danny Cat''': Hey.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Hey, you're the cat from this morning aren't you?
:'''Danny Cat''': What are you doing here?
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Oh, that ice thing is just my side job. Name's Peabo Pudgemeyer. But you can call me Pudge. Ooh, time to start. Better go get your costume.
:''[All the animals pass through the wardrobe room and come out, dressed in their sailor outfits]''
:'''Script Guy''': Script! Script! Script!
:'''Danny Cat''': Meow? ''[Looks concerned at his one line.]'' Is that all? Where's the rest?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': You're looking at it!
:'''Danny Cat''': But, I thought this was a musical! We're supposed to sing and dance, aren't we?
:'''Frances Albacore''': Oh, for the love of [[Moby-Dick|Moby Dick]]!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Listen, tiger, this town has rules and around here, cats say "meow".
:'''Danny Cat''': But that's so old hat. I'm sure nobody would mind if I jazz it up a bit.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': All right, learn it the hard way.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[purrs]'' Ahem. ''[in a British accent]'' Meow. ''[switches to a southern accent]'' Meow! Dagnabbit, meow! ''[switches to [[Edward G. Robinson]]]'' Meow, see? Yeah, that's it: Meow, meow. ''[Sawyer looks at him with embarrassment, as a bell rings]''
:'''Flanigan''': Quiet on the set, please. ''[sniffs]'' QUIET! Miss Dimple is ready to begin. Lights! ''[the lights turn on]'' Camera! ''[the worker runs the camera; sophisticatedly]'' ''Accctionnn''. Cue the elephant.
:''[Woolie pokes his head through the Mammoth Pictures canvas]''
:'''Worker #1''': Tusk!
:'''Worker #2''': Tusk!
:'''Worker #3''': Hair.
:'''Worker #1''': ''[whispered tone]'' The hair, the hair! Fix the hair!
:'''Worker #3''': Oops, sorry.
:''[Woolie trumpets twice and song to Little Boat on the Sea plays]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[first words; singing]'' Now the people they were so bad / That the Lord made the rain come down / And he washed away their bad cities / And he washed away their bad towns / That all of the people drowned!
:'''Chorus''': Oh! Oh!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' With the animals it was different / Though some of them drowned too / The others were just poor animals / And they didn't know what to do! / So, I built a little boat / As cute as it can be / And I put all the animals two-by-two / In my little boat on the sea.
:'''Chorus''': Little boat on the sea.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The big cows went.
:'''Female Cow''': Moo!
:'''Male Cow''': Moo!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The piggies went.
:'''Female Pig''': Oink!
:'''Male Pig''': Oink!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' And all the little birdies went "Tweet tweet tweet!" / In my little boat on the sea / The doggies went.
:'''Female Dog''': Bow-wow!
:'''Male Dog''': Bow-wow!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The kitty-cat went.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Meow!
:'''Danny Cat''': Me-owww!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' The lion went.
:'''Lion''': Roar!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Meow, meow-ma-meow, ma-ma-ma-meow, ma-ma-ma-m'ow.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' In my little boat on the sea!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Talkin' 'bout the boat on the sea! / Meow ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-meow-ma-ma-ma-m'ow-m'ow-m'ow / On the sea!
:''[The animal cast, Darla, the stagehands, and Flanigan look at him, surprised]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Meow?
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in rage after Danny upstages her]'' <big><big><big>'''''CUT! CUT, CUT, CUT!'''''</big></big></big>
:'''Flanigan''': Cut? Oh, yes. Cut. cut.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[shouting into the microphone]'' <big>'''LET ME DOWN THIS'''</big> <big><big><big>'''''INSTANT!'''''</big></big></big>
:'''Flanigan''': Lower Miss Dimple! Lower her! Hurry, hurry! Lower Miss Dimple!
:''[The crew drop Darla, send her crashing to the ground]''
:'''Flanigan''': Darla. Darla, darling. Here...
:''[Cranston chuckles]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[groans]'' Flanigan, the title of this movie is "Lil Ark Angel"... ''[grabs Flanagan]'' '''ISN'T IT?!'''
:'''Flanigan''': Yes; oh yes!
:'''Darla Dimple''': And who here's an angel? ''[breaks Flanigan's glasses, then shakes him as she screams]'' <big><big><big>'''CAN YOU TELL ME WHO HERE IS AN ANGEL?!?!'''</big></big></big>
:'''Flanigan''': Why you are Darla. Sweetheart, celebrity, darling. ''[Darla rolls her eyes and chokes Flanigan]'' ACK! Angel.
:'''Darla Dimple''': That's right! I '''AM''' an angel! I... am... an adorable... little... <big><big><big><big>'''''ANGEL!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big></big>
:'''Worker #1''': Bonbons will make it better, Miss Dimple.
:'''Worker #2''': Hot fudge sundae, Miss Dimple?
:'''Worker #3''': Your choo-choo?
:'''Worker #4''': Your Darla doll?
:'''Worker #5''': Your ducky?
:'''Darla Dimple''': <big>'''I...HATE...'''</big> <big><big><big><big>'''''ANIMALS!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big></big> Especially ''[pointing to Danny]'' THAT ONE!! AAH!! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!! FLANIGAN!!!
:'''Flanigan''': Oh, dear! What a calamity!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[screams]'' <big><big><big>'''''MAX!!!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big>
:''[Suddenly, the giant footsteps are heard outside]''
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Oh, no! We're doomed! ''[hiding in an alligator's mouth]''
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Ooh, hide me! ''[grabs the wings of a stork]''
:''[Danny looks around to see where the noise is coming from, until Max makes his entrance through the sound-stage wall, scaring everyone. He even steps on a rubber duck and is able to catch Darla with his right hand]''
:'''Max''': ''[first words as prying off Miss Dimple with his left hand]'' Yes, Miss Dimple?
:''[Darla breathes heavily and points at Danny madly. Max growls and cracks his knuckles]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Been nice knowing you, pal.
:''[Danny is helpless as he sees the giant shape of the butler coming towards him. Danny falls backwards as Max picks him up. Poor Danny chokes along the way]''
:'''Max''': How does the kitty cat go?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[gulp]'' Meow?
:'''Max''': <big>'''VERY'''</big> <big>'''''GOOD!'''''</big> ''[He smashes Danny into the ground]'' Will that be all, Miss Dimple?
:'''Darla Dimple''': For the moment. Thank you, Max!
:'''Secretary #1''': Your curls are fine.
:'''Secretary #2''': Your nails are precious.
:'''Secretaries''': Goodbye, Miss Dimple!
:''[Darla is hoisted away, as the two secretaries look at each other with worry, groaning]''
:'''Flanigan''': Okay, everybody, from the top! And I hope there will be no more interruptions! Humph! ''[fades out]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cranston Goat''': ''[laughs]'' Cue me, Frances!
:'''Frances Albacore''': So the kitty-cat went...
:'''Cranston Goat''': Meow, meow, meowy, meow!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Now just cut that out! Besides it was much more like... Meow, meow, meowy, meow, meow, bada, dump! Danny, wait. ''[hits Cranston]'' Oh, maybe one of us should talk to him.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, I'll do it. It's about time someone talked to him. Since he's tip-tapped into town he's been nothing but trouble.
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, I guess this is gonna set me back a whole day. Nah, maybe only half a day.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Look, Danny, I'm sorry your feelings got hurt, but the fact is, since you...
:'''Danny Cat''': I don't get it. What happened in there, anyway?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[facepalms, annoyed]'' Oh!
:'''Danny Cat''': Did I hit a sour note?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Wait!
:'''Danny Cat''': Because if I did, I could go back in there. I could fix it.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Danny! Danny, they are not interested.
:'''Danny Cat''': But I...
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Don't you get it? What is it with you? Why are you so determined to make a fool of yourself?
:'''Danny Cat''': What do you mean? All I wanna do is the thing I love. Doesn't everyone?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': It's really not simple.
:'''Danny Cat''': It is in Kokomo.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Then maybe that's where you should of stayed.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': ''[singing]'' You can do anything / If you...
:'''Danny Cat''': I better not sing right now.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': You want some?
:'''Danny Cat''': No, thanks, Pudge.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Oh, I was gonna slug that big dumb Max for you, but I don't wanna hurt the guy. So, what's that Dimple kid's problem? I thought you were great today!
:'''Danny Cat''': I'm glad you liked it.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Oh, you know all, that a bob-doo-doo-dee-ya-aaaah! ''[falling down]''
:'''Danny Cat''': No, it's a little more like, here, I'll show you.
:''[The piano music plays]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Whoa, whoa!
:''[Pudge and Danny dancing]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Hey, hey, hey!
:'''Danny Cat''': Wait a minute. Where-where's that music coming from?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Danny and Pudge sees the piano music plays]''
:'''Danny Cat and Peabo Pudgemeyer''': It's him, it's Woolie the Mammoth! <big><big><big>'''''AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!'''''</span></big></big></big>
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Uh-huh! That's it! B-Flat. Why, you have a natural rear for music, little fellow. Little fellow. ''[chortles]'' If my old eyes aren't failing me, I'd say... you're the fellow who caused all that commotion today!
:'''Danny Cat''': Yeah, I guess I really upset Miss Dimple. ''[chuckles nervously]''
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': ''[threatening]'' Yes, you did. Jolly-good show! ''[laughs]'' Ah, tea time! Would you chaps like a cup?
:'''Danny Cat''': Sure.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Okay!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Splendid! It's a special peanut brew from [[India]], the upper regions. ''[he footsteps cause his trailer to lean to the side sending Danny and Pudge rolling to one side of the trailer, with Woolie's piano crashing into them]'' Did you know the peanut is not a nut at all? And, it's not a pea for that matter either. ''[the piano moves away as Danny mutters and sees birds flying around his head. He grabs onto Woolie's gramophone for dear life]'' It's rather odd that they call it a nut, because it isn't a nut, you see, it's-it's... It's a member of the legume family. Sugar?
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Yeah.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': ''[continue]'' Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How about pea legume? Nope, nope, nope, nope. That didn't make sense either. But, whatever it is it makes a splendid tea. My great grandmother developed this recipe, with certain additions from yours truly. Oh, I forgot the cream! Would you like some cream?
:'''Danny Cat''': No, no, no!
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Don't go to any trouble!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': All right, all right. Suit yourself. Suit yourself.
:'''Danny Cat''': That music was great, Woolie. Did you write it for some movie?
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': No, no, it's not for any movie. I used to hope that one day, I'd write music for the motion pictures. But, all they wanted me for was to put on those beastly tusks and... ''[trumpets loudly]'' at the beginning of every film.
:'''Danny Cat''': What a waste of your talent.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Oh, it's the same for everyone. Look behind you. So many, many broken dreams.
:'''Danny Cat''': Is that Sawyer?
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Poor Sawyer. I thought she'd be the one to make it. Such a dancer, with the voice of an angel.
:'''Danny Cat''': I never would have guessed.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': That's what this town does to you, my boy. It wears you down.
:'''Danny Cat''': But I thought Hollywood was always looking for new talent.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Ah, ah, ah! Talented people, not animals. ''[sighs]'' You see, the spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me. And it's foolish to think otherwise, Danny. Danny?
:'''Danny Cat''': Mmm. Yeah. ''[chuckles]'' Foolish. Unless... ''[plunks a few piano keys]'' ...we can remind them.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Hmm. Uh, of what?
:'''Danny Cat''': Why they came here in the first place.
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Hmm.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Security Guard''': ''[to the animals]'' All right, all of you! Listen up! I only need you, water buffalo, for the [[Tarzan (1999 film)|Tarzan]] jungle stampede! The rest of you, go home!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Well, today's shot! Might as well go home and clean!
:''[He retreats back into his shell and turns on a vacuum, Sawyer types in the office.]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Here's our chance, Pudge. Come on! Hey, everybody!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Huh?
:'''Cranston Goat''': Oh, look who's back! I wish he'd get himself stuffed.
:'''Frances Albacore''': I know a divine taxidermist darling. Did my first husband.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[song to Animal Jam plays]'' Come on, everybody, gather 'round! Don't let this old town getcha down. Look at you there with the long, long face.
:'''Horse''': ''[to another horse]'' Hey, he must be talking to you.
:'''Danny Cat''': You take this and you take that! Come over here, T.W., put on this hat! If we all work together, we can make our dreams come true! Let's show the world what we can do. Pudge?
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Yeah! ''[plays drums]''
:'''Animal''': Boogie with me!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' I got rhythm / In my feet / I got rhythm in my heart and soul / I got rhythm / Hot and sweet / Sometimes rhythm makes me loose control / Hat-cha-cha-chow! / I want everyone / To have all the fun / That I have / I got rhythm / So do you / Let's turn it on and show 'em what we can do!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Bye!
:''[The animals dancing while Tillie snaps Danny. Meanwhile, Max brushes Darla on his face]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Perfect! How could you possibly improve a face like this? What is that hideous racket?
:''[The animals dancing while then the animals singing and dancing]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Look at them. I'm ashamed to be an animal.
:'''Frances Albacore''': Oh, shut up, you old nanny, and show old Franny what you got.
:''[Cranston and Frances dancing]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Whoo-pee!
:''[Danny climbs the ladder and the light dust. Sawyer types the paper on the desk]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Huh? ''[music plays and she sees the animals; screams]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Come on, Sawyer. Grab a partner and do-si-do.
:'''Danny Cat''': Hey, Sawyer, dance with me? I hear you're a natural.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Who told you that?
:''[Woolie trumpets]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Listen, Danny, it's a waste of time! You'll never get to dance in the movies.
:'''Danny Cat''': Movies? Did I say movies? Not really, we're just having fun.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Yeah, sure, forget it.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Look at those fools. Laughable isn't it Max? Max? ''[Max dancing and gasps]'' <big><big><big>'''''MAX!'''''</span></big></big></big> ''[growls]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Hmm. ''[dancing]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Not bad, a little rusty, but hey, who's perfect?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Rusty? ''[they all dancing]'' I'll give you rusty!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Like I said, dancing is a waste of time.
:'''Danny Cat''': What if I could get you an audition with L.B. Mammoth?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': L.B. Mammoth? Head of Mammoth Studios?
:'''Darla Dimple''': WHAT?!
:'''Danny Cat''': I know he'd appreciate real talent.
:'''Cranston Goat''': After nothing but Darla, he's gotta be STARVING for it!
:''[Darla growls and groans, which melts her mudpack facial off her face.]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': You're dreaming, Danny!
:'''Danny Cat''': Maybe I am. But so were you, just a few minutes ago.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Can you really get us an audition with the boss, Danny?
:''[He sees Darla and Max was the poster like a parody of [[Aladdin (1992 Disney film)|Darladdin and the Magic Lamp]]]''
:'''Danny Cat''': It's worth a try. Once he sees us, there'll be a whole new set of stars in town.
:'''Darla Dimple''': An audition? Max! ''[snap fingers]'' Invite that cat. To tea...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': Thanks for coming over, Donald.
:'''Danny Cat''': Uh, Danny.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, yeah. Danny. Animal cracker?
:'''Danny Cat''': Uh...
:'''Darla Dimple''': No? More for me! I wanted to apologize for what Max did the other day. He's so bad sometimes.
:'''Max''': Ow...
:'''Danny Cat''': No, it's alright, Miss Dimple. Really.
:'''Darla Dimple''': No, no, no, it was terrible, awful, cruel! Inappropriately violent. And I want to make it all up to you.
:'''Danny Cat''': No, no, you don't have to.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, I insist! Is there anything you need?
:'''Danny Cat''': No...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Isn't there something I could do for you?
:'''Danny Cat''': I don't think so.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Isn't there a certain someone who runs a certain studio that I could introduce you to?
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, is there anyway that you can arrange for me and the other animals to perform for L.B. Mammoth?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Why, [[Denis Leary|Denis]]! I'd be delighted. ''[gasps]'' Idea.
:'''Max''': Ping.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Maybe you can all do a number in my movie?
:'''Danny Cat''': You? You mean it?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Why, it's just what the picture needs.
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh, I couldn't impose.
:'''Darla Dimple''': I'll give you use of my sound-stage, my ark and anything else you might need.
:'''Danny Cat''': Really?
:'''Darla Dimple''': You get all your little friends ready, and I'll make sure L.B. sees your splashy debut.
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh, thank you, Miss Dimple...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Ah, ah, ah, call me Darla!
:'''Danny Cat''': Thank you, Darla!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Don't mention it. ''[giggles]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Sawyer could do a romantic balled and Woolie can even play a piano solo.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Did you hear that, Max? Woolie, the elephant, can even play a solo!
:'''Max''': Grah...
:'''Danny Cat''': Don't you think that would have been a good idea?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Well, I think... you really want my advice?
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh yes, oh yes, please!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Well...
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Max begins music number on piano]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' I've seen 'em come, and I've seen 'em go / There's one thing that I know / You gotta give the people what they want / Or you'll wind up back in Kokomo, Nebraska.
:'''Danny Cat''': Uh, Indiana, Miss Dimple.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Whatever. ''[singing]'' They like it big, they like it loud / Maybe a little bit jazzy sometimes / Mister Pussycat, listen to me / You don't have to be good, but you had better be.
:'''Max''': Get hot, Miss Dimple.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' Big and loud, big and loud / Wanna make your momma proud? / Make it big / And loud...| ''[speaking]'' Leaves you kinda speechless, don't it?
:'''Danny Cat''': Thank you, Darla!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, no, no, no, I just made a few professional suggestments. You just get all your little friends ready by [[Friday]] at 3... and I'll take care of L.B., and let's leave this between us shall we? I don't like to advertise my charitable work.
:'''Danny Cat''': Oh, right. Thanks, Miss Dimple! Thanks a lot!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Your welcome, Dino.
:'''Danny Cat''': Goodbye!
:'''Darla Dimple''': Ta-ta! See you in the movies.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[over phone]'' [[w:Publicity Department of the Chinese Communist Party|Publicity Department]]?
:'''Darla Dimple''': Is L.B.'s big press conference still Friday at 3?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[over phone]'' Yes it is, Miss Dimple.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Oh, thank you so much. ''[phone hangs up]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[laughs evilly; singing]'' I didn't get where I am today.
:'''Chorus''': Ah-ah-ah-ah.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' By letting myself get pushed around.
:'''Chorus''': Ah-ah-ah.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' No man, or beast, or kitty cat, or doggy / Is goin' to drag me down.
:''[Max laughs evilly]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Shut up, Max. ''[singing]'' The lightning will be flashing / The thunder, it will roar / They'll never know what hit 'em.
:'''Chorus''': Ah-ah-ah.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' Wait'll they see what I have in store.
:'''Chorus''': Ooh-ooh.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' Big and loud / It's gon' be big and loud / When they fall, they'll really fall / And they're gonna fall big.
:'''Chorus''': Big.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' And they're gonna fall loud.
:'''Chorus''': Loud.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[singing]'' They're gonna fall big and... ''[laughs evilly]''
:''[Max laughs evilly]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Shut up, Max. ''[singing]'' Loud.
:'''Chorus''': Loud. ''[fades to black]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Thunder booms]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Thunder and lightning. Check. Special effects all ready, Danny!
:'''Danny Cat''': All right, everybody. Mr. Mammoth will be here any minute. Get into position. Remember, do it like you did in the alley. Only make it big and loud this time. And don't be nervous.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Nervous? Why would I be nervous?
:'''Rabbit''': Give me that!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Well, well. Run of the sound-stage, use of Darla's ark, costumes... I don't know. Something seems fishy.
:'''Frances Albacore''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Sorry. It's just that I smell a rat.
:'''Mouse''': Excuse me?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, never mind.
:'''Danny Cat''': So, you decided to join us, huh?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Me? Oh, no, no, no. This is never gonna work. Besides, how did you arrange all of this?
:'''Danny Cat''': Let's just say a little angel's looking out for us.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Oh, boy.
:'''Danny Cat''': Come on, Sawyer. Your life isn't back there in that office. It's here.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': ''[Off-screen]'' It's 3:00, Danny!
:'''Danny Cat''': Dance with me. See you on board.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I can't do this.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': And?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I can't do this.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': So?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Why would do this to me?
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Fortune says "Rough waters ahead". ''[shivers]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Start the rain, Pudge. When L.B. shows up we'll come out singing and dancing!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Flanigan''': Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I bring you the founder of Mammoth Pictures, Mr. L.B. Mammoth! Boom chachalaca boom chachalaca boom!
:'''Reporter''': Gee whiz, Mr. Mammoth, what's the secret of your success?
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Simple! It's Dimple!
:'''Flanigan''': Dainty Delightful Darla Dimple!
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Ah, the recipe for a Darla Dimple movie. Begin with one part adorable character in jeopardy.
:''[Inside the sound-stage, Darla has tied up Pudge]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Sorry, penguin, but in everyone's life, a little rain must fall. Max, man the valves!
:'''Max''': Yes, Miss Dimple.
:''[Max opens the water valve]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Add two parts perky determination...
:'''Darla Dimple''': More water, Max. More water!
:''[Max opens the water valve even more, causing the shower heads to burst open]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Sprinkle in an air of innocence...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Wind, Max! We must have '''WIND!'''
:''[Max rips off the fan guard, grips one of the blades, and pushes it down, creating wind]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Stir in...
:'''Darla Dimple''': More water!
:''[Max rips off the water valve, sending gallons of water gushing out into the flood]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Add a pinch of...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Thunder!
:''[Max grips a steam pipe, which starts bulging at the bottom. Two gauges and a bulb burn out, harming Pudge. The steam pipe eventually bursts, letting off steam]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': And an itsy-bitsy dash of...
:'''Darla Dimple''': <big><big><big>'''''LIGHTNING!!!'''''</span></big></big></big>
:''[Darla cackling evilly, Max slams the two lightning generators to create lightning]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Mix them all together, and what do you get?
:''[He presses the open door button and the stage doors open, revealing a flooded stage which then spills out into the lot with they screaming in terror. Flanigan leaps into his boss' arms]''
:'''Flanigan''': ''[panicking]'' Mommy!
:''[The two friends scream their heads off, followed by the reporters, who scream and run for their lives. Then, the massive flood spills into the open lot, engulfing L.B. Mammoth and Flanigan. Back on the ark, Danny is at the steering wheel as he tries to steer the ark, while Woolie clings onto the crow's nest for dear life. The animal actors scream in terror as the ark does a corkscrew]''
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[panicking]'' Throw the anchor! Somebody, throw the anchor!
:''[Tillie tosses the anchor that catches Flanigan and L.B. Mammoth]''
:'''Tillie Hippo''': It's L.B.! ''[singing]'' ''We're on! Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag / And smile, smile, smile'' ''[bashing T.W. and Frances together]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[imitating Danny]'' "Your life isn't back there at the office". He says! "Dance with me". He says. ''[nags at him]'' You know what your problem is?! You're pushy, self centered, pig-headed... No offense, Herb.
:'''Herb Pig''': None taken.
:''[The flood approaches a '''[[w:Samson and Delilah (1949 film)|Samson and Delilah]]''' movie set]''
:'''Crewman''': Action. We're pushing, we're pushing... We're running, we're running!
:''[Danny and Sawyer are covered in their [[Egyptian]] garb]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': And, your driving stinks!
:'''Danny Cat''': Well, maybe you could do better. Go ahead, you take it.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': You take it.
:'''Danny Cat''': You take it.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': No, no, no.
:'''Danny Cat''': If you think you know so much... Sawyer!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I don't want it.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Well it doesn't get any worse than this. I was wrong. It's worse.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[gasps]'' Oh my. This is an awkward moment. I don't think we met. I'm Tillie. Mr. Mammoth, Cranston, Cranston, Mr. Mammoth, Flanigan, Cranston... <big><big><big><big><big><big>'''''AAAAAAH!!!'''''</span></big></big></big></big></big></big>
:'''Announcer''': What appears to be a tidal wave, folks, is actually just a special effect.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': This has gone far enough! Give me that!
:'''Danny Cat''': You didn't want it before! Give it!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Excuse me I don't mean to interrupt or anything, but we're about to...
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[in unison]'' Will you just stay out of this?!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Ooh, sorry.
:'''Danny Cat''': Let go. Let go.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I'm telling you...
:'''Receptionists''': Good day, Mr. Mammoth.
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': You animals will never...
:'''Flanigan''': nibble kibble in this town again!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': I think they liked it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[out of outfit]'' But it wasn't... ''[door gates closed]'' it wasn't their fault. ''[rumbling sounds]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Nice working with you, Danny. ''[laughs evilly]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Let go! Let me go! ''[spits a water]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Singing and dancing animals!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': She was your little angel?
:'''Danny Cat''': She said she wanted to help us.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': And you believed her?
:'''Danny Cat''': But I... But I... Woolie, I would... I'd...
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': The spotlight will never be on fellows like you and me. Go home, son. Go home.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Thunder, in a bar at the midnight]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Goodbye, show biz; hello, farm work.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[in a bar]'' Well, there's always [[w:Broadway|Broadway]]. Yeah! Broadway! I hear hippos are very big on Broadway!
:'''Frances Albacore''': They're big ''everywhere'', darling!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': You know... this is all Danny's fault.
:'''Cranston Goat''': You got it brother. That toe-tapping tom!
:'''Frances Albacore''': I never trusted him. Too happy.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well, I have to admit, we were better off before.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Well, let's face it. That cat ruined our already miserable lives.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Well, he's just a... He's a crackerjack is what he is.
:'''Cranston Goat''': She's right. You're doggone right.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Nothing but trouble, that guy.
:'''Frances Albacore''': Horrid little being.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Bad luck! Old happy feet better not show his face around here again.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[the song to Tell Me Lies plays]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' I never believed that there was a rainbow / With a pot of gold at the end / I'm much too smart for fairy tales like that / Yet, here I am again...| I thought this time / This time, we're gonna make it / Why I thought so, I really don't know / Maybe something in his eyes just told me so / Something in his eyes...| Tell me lies, and I'll come runnin' / I must have lost my mind / I could close my eyes / And tell you just exactly what's comin' / Life's gonna turn just a little unkind...| Seems like everyone's sailing way out on the sea / And I'm stuck here on the shore / Sun's always shining, but it's never for me / Why should I try anymore?| Tell me lies, tell me lies / I'll just keep right on going / This time I've got to believe in the dream / This time I've got to believe in his dream...| ''[song fades]''
:''[Tillie leans back on diner]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Tillie!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': You know you can still catch him at the bus stop.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Danny, wait! Danny!
:'''Bus Driver''': So, I guess it's just you and me tonight, buddy. Hey, did you hear about that disaster at Mammoth Pictures? Animals, What a bunch of noodleheads. I mean, look at them. They have no future. What am I telling you, son? You'll be heading back home real soon.
:'''Danny Cat''': Stop the bus!
:'''Bus Driver''': Jeez! What do you wanna stop for? We just barely got started.
:'''Danny Cat''': Exactly. See you in the movies.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Musical montage, Danny typing in the office]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': ''[to a mailman]'' Will you get off my property?!
:''[Montage to musical, workers building the destruction, Darla cleaning his face, Darla Dimple his balloon and stage for the decorations in a movie theater]''
:'''Announcer''': All of Hollywood is represented here tonight for the premiere of Lil Ark Angel. How about a big hand for [[Joan Crawford]], [[Cary Grant]], [[W. C. Fields]], [[Clark Gable]], and L.B. Mammoth!
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Carry on!
:'''Announcer''': Ladies and gentlemen, how about a big hand for Darla Dimple! America's Sweetheart Lover of Children and Animals, and the star of tonight's gala Hollywood premiere, Lil Ark Angel. Darla Dimple's handprints are enshrined. In the forecourt of the [[Chinese]] Theater. Ladies and gentlemen, we're all gonna Gather inside the theater to see the world premiere of Lil Ark Angel starring Darla Dimple!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Woolie trumpets in movie]''
:'''Frances Albacore''': Oh excuse me.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Move!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Excuse me...
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Can I just squeeze past, son? Thank you, very much. ''[throws the people away]'' Ooh, so sorry.
:'''Danny Cat''': They're in! The minute the movie ends, we go on.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in movie]'' Yeah, as you walk through your valley of despair, fear not. For I am your little Ark Angel, and I will look after each and every little, teensy-weensy, itsy-bitsy one of you!
:''[Crowd "awww"s]''
:'''Cranston Goat''': Shoot me.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in movie]'' My radiant glow shall be a shining beacon to light the path for you poor... helpless animals. I shall lift you out of the depths of despair. My sweet cherubic voice will sing you a lullaby to soothe your fears. ''[Max's ear rings and angry face]'' Think of me as your guardian. Fear not, for I, the Lil' Ark Angel...
:'''Danny Cat''': It's almost time! I'll go set the lights.
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Check!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[in movie]'' The weatherman says it's going to rain for days and nights! Hark, here comes a big fat rain cloud!
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Danny... Look behind you, Danny. Danny...!
:''[Max has Danny cornered, but falls on top of the Darla balloon.]''
:'''Max''': Here, kitty kitty kitty! Nice kitty! Kitty! ''[laughs evilly]'' Huh?
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[holding the rope]'' How does the kitty cat go?
:'''Max''': ''[smiles nervously]'' Meow?
:'''Danny Cat''': Very good. ''[let goes of the rope, popping the Darla balloon out, sending Max flying like Buzz Lightyear in '''[[Toy Story]]''']''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Danny! The movie's over! Everybody's leaving! We gotta... ''[looks at Danny]'' Whoa; you're a mess!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[People cheering]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': Do you really love me?
:'''Danny Cat''': Ladies and gentlemen. Wait! Please, take your seats! ''[coughs]'' Today we've come to honor Miss Darla Dimple. And because Darla Dimple cares she's arranged a special treat for you.
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[gasps]'' Have I?
:'''Danny Cat''': A special live show with an all animal cast!
:'''Frances Albacore''': Not this guppy.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': Yeah. No, I'm with her.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Come on, Sawyer.
:'''Danny Cat''': Unheard of, yes, of course, but not enough for America's Sweetheart Lover of Children and Animals!
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[growls]'' Max?
:'''Danny Cat''': No, no, no. Now, don't try to share the credit. You're the one who has wanted us to perform for L.B., and I was not dreaming of performing without my friend... ''[notices they are not there]'' I-I...
:'''Darla Dimple''': Silly cat. Run along now. Skit scat, Mr. Kitty Cat. Isn't he cute? Run along and play, Mr. Kitty!
:'''Danny Cat''': Sawyer?
:'''Sawyer Cat''': We're all behind you, Danny. 100%. Don't let them go, Tillie!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[Tillie is holding T.W., Cranston, and Frances in her arms]'' I got them!
:'''Cranston Goat''': Let go! Have you lost your mind?
:'''Frances Albacore''': Release me you mad hippo!
:'''Danny Cat''': Wait.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': One big happy family!
:'''Danny Cat''': Just a minute. Please.
:'''T.W. Turtle''': ''[Looking at his fortunes]'' You will meet with disaster!
:'''Danny Cat''': Would you just listen to me?
:'''Cranston Goat''': I'll chew your ears off!
:'''Danny Cat''': Cranston!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': The end is near! The fat lady sung!
:'''Danny Cat''': Look, if you're willing to accept what they can think of you, then you can go! ''[everyone gasps]'' I almost did.
:'''Cranston Goat''': Well, you should have! Life here for animals is the pits, always playing the scapegoat!
:'''Woolie Mammoth''': Quickly forgotten!
:'''Frances Albacore''': Working for scale!
:'''Danny Cat''': Then why are you still here?
:'''Cranston Goat''': Why?! ''[everyone pauses]''
:'''Danny Cat''': Because you can't forget the feeling, can you? The feeling you have when... ''[Refers to Cranston and Frances]'' when you two dance together. ''[Camera switches to Woolie]'' When you play. ''[Danny motions to Sawyer]'' When you sing. They cursed you, humiliated you, and even slam the door in your face. But they still haven't made you forget. Have they?
:'''T.W. Turtle''': ''[searches through his fortune cookie papers]'' They can smash your cookie, but... but you'll always have your fortune. ''[everyone grins]'' Huh.
:'''Danny Cat''': Come on. Let's go show 'em what we can do.
:'''Tillie Hippo''': Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': Well... ''[yawns]'' It's kind of getting kind of more or less rather late!
:'''Danny Cat''': You weren't right! Hit it Pudge!
:''[Pudge plays saxophone]''
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[song to Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now plays; singing]'' Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen / If you would be so kind.
:'''Darla Dimple''': Humph!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Got someone very special here / She's 'bout to speak her mind...
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' I gotta song to sing / If you don't like my song I'm gonna sing it anyhow! / I gotta dream in my heart! / Yeah! Nothin's gonna stop us now!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Take 4 and 20 blackbirds / And bake 'em in a pie / Before you put it in the oven, babe, you know they're gonna fly.
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' Say curiosity killed the cat? / I'm livin' proof that that's a lie!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Now I'm gonna tell you why! / Yeah! Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' And if I wanna dance I'll dance!
:'''Danny Cat''': ''[singing]'' She'll dance!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Just as long as the law will allow!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' Dance and sing all night long! / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Yеah! Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Yeah!
:'''T.W. Turtle''': ''[singing]'' Look for me wherе there's the smell of danger! / The smell of danger is my middle name / I've been very quiet / But I've got a lot to say, believe me!
:'''Frances Albacore and Cranston Goat''': ''[singing]'' If you ain't goin' with us then stay out of our way!
:'''Tillie Hippo''': ''[singing]'' Oh, Dear! Locked down, knocked down, locked down, shut down, held / Down, fell down, Everybody! / Push back, push back, get on a contract! / When you got yours you musta got mine!
:'''All''': ''[singing]'' Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now!
:'''Danny Cat and Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' I gotta feeling inside! / The moon! And it's love! Without a doubt! / Oh, I got someone I'm crazy about!! / Nothing's gonna stop us now!| Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us / Nothing's gonna stop us now!
:'''Sawyer Cat''': ''[singing]'' No, no, no! / Nothing's gonna stop us now! / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
:''[The crowd cheering]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Darla Dimple''': '''''I'M'' THE STAR!!''' ''[crawls over to Danny]'' You stupid, stupid '''''CAT!''''' ''[furiously grabs Danny by the collar]'' I should have drowned you all when I <big>'''''FLOODED THE STAGE!'''''</big>
:''[to Darla's horror upon noticing the microphone stuck to her picking up her confession, her remark 'Flooded the stage!' echoes through the speakers and the audience overhears the confession in shock at Darla, including Flanigan and L.B., the latter whose jaw drops in shock]''
:'''Woman''': Darla Dimple?
:'''Man''': I can't believe it...
:''[Darla, realizing her true colors had been exposed, nervously smiles, tightly hugs Danny and kisses him before nervously laughing. Pudge giggles and pushes the trap door lever in revenge for her treatment.]''
:'''Darla Dimple''': ''[last words as she falls down a trapdoor]'' '''WHOA!''' <big>'''''MAAAAAAAAAAAAX!!!!!!!!'''''</big>
:'''Max''': ''[last words as he flies far in the distance onto the giant Darla Dimple balloon through Paris, France]'' '''OUIIIIIII, MISS DIMPLE...!'''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Peabo Pudgemeyer''': Put her there! ''[electrocutes T.W.]''
:'''Sawyer Cat''': Well, now, let's see. ''[She takes Danny's list]'' Go to Premiere. Check. Land a big part, check. Get the girl? Check.
:'''Danny Cat''': I love you, Sawyer.
:'''Sawyer Cat''': I love you, Danny.
:''[The two hold hands and were about to kiss, as a delighted Flanigan cuts in between them, kissing his cheeks instead]''
:'''Flanigan''': Sweethearts! Celebrities! Darlings!
:''[L.B. pushes Flanigan aside]''
:'''L.B. Mammoth''': Get a picture, boys! These kids will be making history!
:'''Chorus''': ''[the movie posters are shown]'' Can you feel the power now? / The day is ours / For you and I, there comes a time / To hold our heads high / We make a little history / Each time we dare to dream / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Our time has come, we're gonna / Walk in the sun, oh / I packed my hopes, we're ready to roll / We're on our way / We make a little history / Each time we dare to dream / Tell everyone, turn the spotlight on / Now our time has come...| Our time has come / Our time...| ''[song fades]''
:''[Darla is seen working as a janitor putting up a "The End" poster on a wall. The poster falls down and wraps around her]''
==WILL DOWNING lyrics (I Do Believe)==
:'''Will Downing''': I still believe in miracles / And Lord I hope you do / I've been there when nothing else / But a miracle would take me through / Taking a chance / With all the faith in my heart / Back to the wall, I'll give it all / 'Cause I know you're gonna give it all back to me.
:'''Chorus''': I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me / This has to be / I do believe.
:'''Will Downing''': People die out of loneliness / It happens every day / It only takes a little tenderness / To ease all the hurt away / Having you here / Healing my life with your arms / Loving you so / All that I know / Is that I'm never, ever gonna let you go.
:'''Chorus''': 'Cause I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me / I'm gonna let it shine on me / 'Cause this has to be / I do believe.
:'''Will Downing''': Everywhere I go / Everything I see / With a little hope / With a little love / Oh, how beautiful this world could be / How beautiful.
:'''Chorus''': I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / A new world begins / I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me...| I do believe / Yeah / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / I do believe / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me / I believe...| I do believe / Yeah / That Heaven and Earth / Start here with you and me / I believe, yes I do / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me.
:'''Will Downing''': I believe / I do believe / That Heaven and Earth / Yes I do / Start here with you and me / Heaven gonna start right here with you and me / Here in our arms / A new world begins / I'll let it shine on me...|''[chorus singing]''
==Crazy credits==
* Danny and Sawyer will be back in ''[[Looney Tunes: Back in Action]]''.
==Taglines==
* For a Bunch of Funny Friends Trying to Break Into Show Business...
==Voice cast==
* [[w:Scott Bakula|Scott Bakula]] as Danny Cat
* [[w:Jasmine Guy|Jasmine Guy]] as Sawyer Cat (speaking voice)
** [[w:Natalie Cole|Natalie Cole]] (singing voice)
* [[w:Ashley Peldon|Ashley Peldon]] as Darleen "Darla" Dimple (speaking voice)
** [[w:Lindsay Ridgeway|Lindsay Ridgeway]] (singing voice)
** [[w:Holly Gauthier-Frankel|Holly Gauthier-Frankel]] (screaming voice)
* [[Kathy Najimy]] as Tillie Hippo
* [[John Rhys-Davies]] as Woolie Mammoth
* [[w:George Kennedy|George Kennedy]] as L.B. Mammoth
* [[René Auberjonois]] as Flanigan
* [[w:Betty Lou Gerson|Betty Lou Gerson]] as Frances
* [[w:Hal Holbrook|Hal Holbrook]] as Cranston
* [[w:Matthew Herried|Matthew Herried]] as Peabo "Pudge" Pudgemeyer
* [[w:Don Knotts|Don Knotts]] as T.W. Turtle (speaking voice)
** Rick Logan (singing voice)
* [[Frank Welker]] as Farley Wink
* [[w:David Johansen|David Johansen]] as Bus Driver
* [[w:Mark Dindal|Mark Dindal]] as Max
* [[w:Peter Renaday|Peter Renaday]] as Narrator
* [[w:Tony Pope|Tony Pope]] as Alligator
* [[w:Dee Bradley Baker|Dee Bradley Baker]] as King Kong
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as Turkey
* [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as Announcer for "Lil' Ark Angels"
* [[w:Philip Proctor|Phil Proctor]] as Horse
* Vanessa Theme Ament as Additional Voices
* [[w:Catherine Battistone|Catherine Battistone]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] as Additional Voices
* Shelby Daniel as Additional Voices
* [[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Bill Farmer|Bill Farmer]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Barbara Goodson|Barbara Goodson]] as Additional Voices
* Patty Lund as Additional Voices
* [[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]] as Additional Voices
* Gary Matanky as Additional Voices
* [[w:Patricia Parris|Patricia Parris]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Doug Stone|Doug Stone]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:David W. Thompson|David W. Thompson]] as Additional Voices
* Torri Whitehead as Additional Voices
* [[Rodger Bumpass]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Liz Callaway|Liz Callaway]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Paul Eiding|Paul Eiding]] as Script Guy
* [[w:Jack Angel|Jack Angel]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Mary Kay Bergman|Mary Kay Bergman]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]] as Tough Guy
* [[w:Sherry Lynn|Sherry Lynn]] as Additional Voices
* Jennifer Seguin as Additional Voices
* [[w:Jennifer Darling|Jennifer Darling]] as Additional Voices
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Additional Voices
* Mickie McGowan as Additional Voices
* Carole Jeghers as Additional Voices
* [[w:Emma Taylor-Isherwood|Emma Taylor-Isherwood]] as Additional Voices
* Marcel Jeannin as Additional Voices
* [[w:Rick Jones (voice actor)|Rick Jones]] as Additional Voices
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:1997 animated films]]
[[Category:1997 American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Animated coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Animated films about cats]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mark Dindal]]
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Abraham Cahan
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'''[[w:Abraham Cahan|Abraham "Abe" Cahan]]''' ([[7 July]] [[1860]] – [[31 August]] [[1951]]) was a Belarusian-born Jewish-American socialist newspaper editor, novelist, and politician.
{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
===''Bleter Fun Mein Leben'' (1969)===
Autobiography translated from the [[Yiddish]] as "The Education of Abraham Cahan"
*Unity is a mighty weapon in the struggle for existence, I said, and socialism will use unity as a weapon in mankind's struggle with nature to survive.
*I often argued that the revolution would not be made in America by our immigrants. There were personal reasons for this. Newcomers are anxious to become Americanized and to participate in American life. Our main purpose as socialists should be to win the native workers to our principles. There was great satisfaction in speaking and writing for an American audience and for this reason I confined almost all my activity to the English-speaking section of our movement.
*In Russia, the sword rules; here in America the dollar rules. It may seem that the dollar has no edge but in fact it is sharper than the sword.
**From one of his speeches, quoted in a newspaper
*Gradually I arrived at the conclusion that the power of realistic art arises from the pleasure we derive from recognizing the truth as it is mirrored by art. The painting, the sculpture, or the words that represent the original with fidelity, create the impression of reality and the feeling of pleasure. This goes beyond dead photography. It involves artistic re-creation, and if the result coincides with the subject, this artistic integrity becomes a source of aesthetic enjoyment. It is truth that we admire and that is the source of our artistic delight. The heart experiences a thrill in recognizing a friend in a faithful portrait. But capitalist critics don't want the truth. It disturbs the class they serve.
*Now, it is easy for me to separate the passages that were written from the heart, with conviction, from those which were written as propaganda, from a sense of duty. We used propaganda for an honest purpose, and there are still socialists who feel that this should be done.
*Today when an immigrant comes to America he finds a Jewish world already established here. It is full of strange sights but it is nevertheless Jewish. The earlier arrival, the "ungreen" Russian, Pole, Galician or Rumanian, is still a Jew, the same as the greenhorn. Quickly, the newcomer grows accustomed to his "ungreen" friends and thus to America. Today's Jewish immigrant has become familiar with American Jewish words and habits from the letters and newspapers from America that he received at home. But we found few Jews and only a small Jewish world on our arrival. The strangeness we felt was much deeper, the loneliness much sharper. America was, in a literal sense, a new world, a strange world, a disagreeable world, but also a challenging world that strengthened me with a strong, healthy odor like that of a freshly plowed field. America intrigued me, puzzled me. It seemed to me that America lives more in one day than Russia does in ten. The cat I had spied on the Philadelphia pier was living proof that America was part of the same world that included Vilna, Petersburg, Lemberg and Berlin. But in the first months, as I came to know America, I had the opposite impression. It was a new, different kind of a world. It was a pleasant world that tantalized me. All around me was astounding wealth, activity and enterprise. I had not yet heard the expression "the land of unlimited possibilities." But I felt all around me the sense of opportunity. Slowly, I began to perceive a change in myself. Every minute, it seemed, I savored some new experience. I examined all, I listened to everything, I observed everywhere. I was repelled and attracted, possessed and homesick and excited by expectations. My success as a speaker, the stimulating taste of applause, the stunning feeling that thousands knew me, intoxicated me. But they did not overcome my homesickness. I was torn between the pleasure of new achievement and the longing for home. Sometimes, in my restlessness, I didn't recognize my old self. (p 244)
===''The Rise of David Levinsky'' (1917)===
* Am I happy? There are moments when I am overwhelmed by a sense of my success and ease. I become aware that thousands of things which had formerly been forbidden fruit to me are at my command now. I distinctly recall that crushing sense of being debarred from everything, and then I feel as though the whole world were mine. One day I paused in front of an old East Side restaurant that I had often passed in my days of need and despair. The feeling of desolation and envy with which I used to peek in its windows came back to me. It gave me pangs of self-pity for my past and a thrilling sense of my present power. The prices that had once been prohibitive seemed so wretchedly low now. ...<br>And yet in all such instances I feel a peculiar yearning for the very days when the doors of that restaurant were closed to me and when the Canal Street [[merchant]] was a magnate of commerce in my estimation. Somehow, encounters of this kind leave me dejected. The gloomiest past is dearer than the brightest present. In my case there seems to be a special reason for feeling this way. My sense of triumph is coupled with a brooding sense of emptiness and insignificance, of my lack of anything like a great, deep interest.
* Sometimes when I am alone in my beautiful apartments, brooding over these things and nursing my loneliness, I say to myself: "There are cases when success is a tragedy." There are moments when I regret my whole career, when my very success seems to be a mistake. I think that I was born for a life of intellectual interest. I was certainly brought up for one. The day when that accident turned my mind from college to business seems to be the most unfortunate day in my life. I think that I should be much happier as a scientist or writer, perhaps. I should then be in my natural element, and if I were doomed to loneliness I should have comforts to which I am now a stranger. That's the way I feel every time I pass the abandoned old building of the City College. The business world contains plenty of successful men who have no brains. Why, then, should I ascribe my triumph to special ability?
*Life is much shorter than I imagined it to be.
*Your worst pessimist is, after all, an optimist with regard to himself.
*Remember that it is not enough to abstain from lying by word of mouth; for the worst lies are often conveyed by a false look, smile, or act.
*The dearest days in one's life are those that seem very far and very near at once.
*If you feel that you are good, don't be too proud of it.
*What is wealth? A dream of fools.
*The orthodox Jewish faith practically excludes woman from religious life.
*If it be true that our people represent a high percentage of mental vigor, the distinction is probably due, in some measure, to the extremely important part which Talmud studies have played in the spiritual life of the race.
==Quotes about Abraham Cahan==
*Brilliant, mercurial and cranky, Cahan was a major figure in the newspaper and literary worlds, and a force in the labor movement. His autobiography, the Education of Abraham Cahan (Jewish Publication Society of America, 1969), is a secret American classic.
**[[Liana Finck]] Author's Note, ''A Bintel Brief: Love and Longing in Old New York'' (2014)
*Abe Cahan had left Russia as a boy to escape tsarist persecution. But instead of hailing the success of his Russian brothers, he had turned against them and not only would not listen to my reports of their achievements, but himself became one of the most vicious of anti-Soviet slanderers, vying with Hearst in publishing articles by renegades and reactionaries in his paper The Forward.
**[[Ella Reeve Bloor]] ''We Are Many: An Autobiography'' (1940)
*The Socialists were increasingly hostile to the Soviet Republic. When I first came back from my trip to Russia one of the Social. ist Party leaders I met asked me for an interview. "Why yes," I told him. "I give interviews to the capitalist papers, why not to you?" I went up to the office, and there were Abe Cahan, George Goebel, Charlie Erwin and others, and all began attacking me at once. How could I support Lenin? How could I defend the "Soviets' lack of democracy"? Abe Cahan hinted that I was really too old to know what it was all about anyway. "Let's see," he said, "How many years is it now that you have been around agitat- ing and organizing strikes?" "Just about as long as you have, Abe Cahan," I flashed back.
**[[Ella Reeve Bloor]] ''We Are Many: An Autobiography'' (1940)
*Mr. Cahan, who became well known as a talented author with his novel, The Rise of David Levinsky, and other works, was a strong advocate of realism. He not only printed realistic stories by well-known writers but made an effort to bring the reality of Jewish life in America into his newspaper. Through light articles he inspired and encouraged the readers to write to the Forward about any unusual events in their own lives, and about their own problems. Mr. Cahan firmly believed that "truth is stranger than fiction," and as far back as 1903 planned a special feature for the newspaper in which the readers could express themselves, a section of the paper which would mirror real life...He maintained that the Forward should not devote itself exclusively to trade unionism, to political and social problems. From the outset, he broadened the interests of the paper and enlivened it with varied reading material, including light articles dealing with daily life. The daily newspaper thus drew readers from all strata and classes.
**[[Isaac Metzker]], Introduction to ''A Bintel Brief: Sixty Years of Letters from the Lower East Side to the Jewish Daily Forward'' (1971)
*Abraham Cahan wrote in his memoirs (1929) the following about the "Bintel Brief": "People often need the opportunity to be able to pour out their heavy-laden hearts. Among our immigrant masses this need was very marked. Hundreds of thousands of people, tom from their homes and their dear ones, were lonely souls who thirsted for expression, who wanted to hear an opinion, who wanted advice in solving their weighty problems. The 'Bintel Brief' created just this opportunity for them. Many of the letters we receive are poorly written and we must correct or rewrite them. Some of the letters are not written directly by the people who seek the advice, but by others who do it for them. It has even become a special occupation for certain people to write letters for those who cannot write. There also appeared small signs with the inscription 'Here letters are written to the "Bintel Brief."' [The price for writing such a letter ranged from twenty-five to fifty cents. I.M.] Often the professional 'Bintel Brief' writer let himself go with his own eloquence, but this, naturally, was deleted. And from time to time men and women came to the editorial office to ask that someone write a letter for them about their problems. Through the 'Bintel Brief' mothers have found the children they had lost many years ago...The name of the feature, 'Bintel Brief,' became so popular that it is often used as a part of American Yiddish. When we speak of an interesting event in family life, you can hear a comment like 'A remarkable story-just for the "Bintel Brief."" Other times you can hear, 'It's like a "Bintel Brief" story!' Many of the themes from the letters have been used by writers of dramas and sketches for their works, because a world of literary import can be found in them. The first few years I used to answer all the letters myself. I did it with the greatest pleasure, because in the letters one sees a rare panorama of human souls and because I also had a literary interest in the work."
**[[Isaac Metzker]], Introduction to ''A Bintel Brief: Sixty Years of Letters from the Lower East Side to the Jewish Daily Forward'' (1971)
*Cahan's Forverts remained an outspoken socialist newspaper allied with [[Eugene Debs]]'s recently established Socialist Party. But the daily permitted diversity of opinion and struck a popular, even sensationalistic tone. In this sense, the contest between Krants's social democratic rectitude and Cahan's social democratic yellow journalism-evident in the earliest days of Di arbeter tsaytung-concluded in Cahan's favor. To be sure, Cahan faced constant criticism from staff writers and members of the Forverts Association, yet challengers never succeeded in dislodging him. Under Cahan's editorship the Forverts became the most popular Yiddish daily, and among the most popular foreign-language newspapers, in the United States.
**Tony Michels ''A Fire in Their Hearts: Yiddish Socialists in New York'' (2005)
*Immigrant life in general is miserable, as one sees in the literature produced by those who experienced the journey. In the Jewish novels of [[Abraham Cahan]], [[Henry Roth]], and [[Anzia Yezierska]], the picture is frequently a grim one.
**[[Ilan Stavans]] Introduction to ''Yiddish South of the Border: An Anthology of Latin American Yiddish Writing'' edited by Alan Astro (2003)
*In Cahan's The Rise of David Levinsky, Dora, an illiterate immigrant woman, lived her life through her daughter, whom she viewed with a combination of pride and envy. "My own life is lost," she thought, "but she shall be educated"...Abraham Cahan, in his short story "Yekl," describes the plight of a young immigrant who prided himself on being "a real American."
**Sydney Weinberg, ''The World of Our Mothers: The Lives of Jewish Immigrant Women'' (1988)
*The master broker of the marriage between the Yiddish-speaking Jews and English America, Abraham Cahan, editor of the Yiddish daily Forward, implied in his novel The Rise of David Levinsky that the Jew may best prove himself American by remaining suspicious of his own success.
**[[Ruth Wisse]] ''The Modern Jewish Canon'' (2000)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Cahan, Abraham}}
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[[Category:1860 births]]
[[Category:Authors from the United States]]
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'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[w:Adventure Time|Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven Universe''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven Universe''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven Universe''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven Universe''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven Universe''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Garnet
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – Pearl
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Greg Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Lapis Lazuli
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Ruby
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Sapphire
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
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'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[w:Adventure Time|Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven Universe''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven Universe''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven Universe''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven Universe''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven Universe''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst-5-8XM "Amy"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl "Earl"
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot-2F5L-5XG
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Lapis Lazuli "Bob"
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain Ruby-1F4-4N "Handy"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire "Sophie"
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven Universe''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven Universe''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven Universe''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven Universe''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven Universe''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst-5-8XM "Amy"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl "Earl"
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot-2F5L-5XG
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Lapis Lazuli "Bob"
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain Ruby-1F4-4N "Handy"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire "Sophie"
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
fyj7dt1jh8muazza4ozkpf3xuvrlwjh
3934993
3934992
2026-04-30T14:31:40Z
~2026-25180-37
3313722
/* Cast */
3934993
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven Universe''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven Universe''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven Universe''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven Universe''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven Universe''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst-5-8XM "Amy"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl "Earl"
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot-2F5L-5XG
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Li'l Lapis Lazuli "Lappy Bob"
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain Ruby-1F4-4N "Handy"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire "Sophie"
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
mst13lyj5ghvnn4kc05sipebhwevr12
3934994
3934993
2026-04-30T14:32:19Z
~2026-25180-37
3313722
/* Cast */
3934994
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven Universe''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven Universe''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven Universe''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven Universe''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven Universe''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst-5-8XM "Amy"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl "Earl"
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot-2F5L-5XG
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Li'l Lapis Lazuli "Bob Lappy"
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain Ruby-1F4-4N "Handy"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire "Sophie"
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
8mup5chcrcwogckw863nep4zrv7kk23
3934997
3934994
2026-04-30T14:37:42Z
~2026-25180-37
3313722
3934997
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst-5-8XM "Amy"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl "Earl"
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot-2F5L-5XG
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Li'l Lapis Lazuli "Bob Lappy"
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain Ruby-1F4-4N "Handy"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire "Sophie"
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
gf5zpt5q9syeuf2sny8cb05a3f5myyf
3935002
3934997
2026-04-30T14:56:50Z
~2026-25180-37
3313722
3935002
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven "Tiger Millionaire" DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet "Square Universe"
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst-5-8XM "Amy Universe the Purple Puma"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl "Earl Universe"
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot-2F5L-5XG
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Li'l Lapis Lazuli "Bob Lappy"
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain Ruby-1F4-4N "Handy Universe"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire "Sophie Universe"
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
laddbo1kilw6qmdmmt8xexjoa437kf0
3935003
3935002
2026-04-30T15:00:00Z
~2026-25180-37
3313722
/* Cast */
3935003
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven "Tiger Millionaire" DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet "Square Universe"
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – Amethyst-5-8XM "Amy Universe the Purple Puma"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl "Earl Universe"
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – Peridot-2F5L-5XG
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Li'l Lapis Lazuli "Bob Lappy"
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain Ruby-1F4-4N "Handy Universe"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire "Sophie Universe"
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond "Universe"
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
t3g10vvtvo30i8jdp1938ze6zpq6lgd
3935006
3935003
2026-04-30T15:07:00Z
~2026-25180-37
3313722
/* Cast */
3935006
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven "Tiger Millionaire" DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet Square Universe
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – 5-8XM "Amethyst Amy Universe the Purple Puma"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl Earl Universe
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – 2F5L-5XG "Peridot"
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Li'l Lapis Lazuli "Lappy" Bob
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain 1F4-4N "Ruby Handy Universe"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire Sophie Universe
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond Universe
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond Universe
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond Universe
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond Universe
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steven Universe|Steven Universe]]''''' (2013–2019), also referred to as '''''Steven''''' for short, is an American animated television series created by [[w:Rebecca Sugar|Rebecca Sugar]], former storyboard artist, writer, and composer for ''[[Adventure Time]]''. It is produced by Cartoon Network Studios, and is the first show by the studio to be created by a woman. The series aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] in North America from November 4, 2013 to January 21, 2019.
== Pilot ==
:'''Steven''': You're back!
:'''Amethyst''': Hey, Steven, look at this! ''[pulls out small cackling skull]''
:'''Pearl''': Whoa! What are you, crazy?! ''[knocks the skull out of Amethyst's hand and stomps it]''
:'''Steven''': What the heck was that?!
:'''Pearl''': An Electric Skull, our Crystal Palace was swarming with them.
:'''Amethyst''': They were after this. ''[takes out an hourglass from her fanny pack]''
:'''Steven''': ''[entranced]'' Can I see that?
:'''Amethyst''': Yeah, sure.
:'''Pearl''': ''[interrupts]'' No! It’s extremely powerful, we shouldn't have even brought it home.
:'''Steven''': Garnet! Tell Pearl to let me see the thing! ''[Garnet puts finger to his lips]''
:'''Garnet''': Shh...
:'''Steven''': Aw, man! I wanna come next time! I even wrote us a song. ''[takes out ukulele]'' It’s like: ''If you’re—'' W-wait, hold on. Hmm... ''[tunes ukulele, singing]''
:''If you're evil and you're on the rise''
:''You can count on the four of us taking you down''
:'''Cause we're good and evil never beats us''
:''We'll win the fight and then go out for pizzas.''
:''We... are the Crystal Gems''
:''We'll always save the day''
:''And if you think we can't''
:''We'll always find a way.''
:''That's why the people of this world... believe in''
:''Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl... and Steven!''
== Seasons ==
::[[Steven Universe (season 1)|Season 1]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 2)|Season 2]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 3)|Season 3]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 4)|Season 4]]
::[[Steven Universe (season 5)|Season 5]]
== Film ==
::[[Steven Universe: The Movie]]
== Sequel Series ==
::[[Steven Universe Future]]
== Video Games==
===''[[Steven Universe: Save The Light]]''===
===''[[Steven Universe: Unleash the Light]]''===
== Cast ==
* [[w:Zach Callison|Zach Callison]] – Steven "Tiger Millionaire" DeMayo-Universe
* [[w:Estelle (musician)|Estelle]] – Captain Garnet Square Universe
* [[w:Michaela Dietz|Michaela Dietz]] – 5-8XM "Amethyst Amy Universe the Purple Puma"
* [[w:Deedee Magno|Deedee Lynn Magno]] – White Pearl Earl Universe
* [[w:Tom Scharpling|Tom Scharpling]] – Um Greg DeMayo-Universe
* Grace Rolek – Connie Maheswaran
* [[w:Shelby Rabara|Shelby Rabara]] – 2F5L-5XG "Peridot Maheswaran"
* [[w:Jennifer Paz|Jennifer Paz]] – Li'l Lapis Lazuli "Lappy" Bob Maheswaran
* [[w:Charlyne Yi|Charlyne Yi]] - Captain 1F4-4N "Ruby Handy Universe"
* [[w:Erica Luttrell|Erica Luttrell]] - Captain Sapphire Sophie Universe
* [[w:Kimberly Brooks|Kimberly Brooks]] - Jasper
* [[w:Susan Egan|Susan Egan]] – Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz Universe
* [[w:Patti LuPone|Patti LuPone]] - Yellow Diamond Universe
* [[w:Lisa Hannigan|Lisa Hannigan]] - Blue Diamond Universe
* [[w:Christine Ebersole|Christine Ebersole]] - White Diamond Universe
* [[w:Kate Micucci|Kate Micucci]] - Sadie Miller
* [[w:Matthew Moy|Matthew Moy]] - Captain Lars Barriga
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|3061046|Steven Universe}}
* [http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/steven-universe/index.html Website] <!-- The official show website would be a good choice here. -->
* [http://animatedtv.about.com/od/cartoons-q-z/fl/Steven-Universe.htm TV Show Summary]
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:Steven Universe| ]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
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SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1
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{{DISPLAYTITLE:''SpongeBob SquarePants''/Season 1}}
{{SpongeBob header}}
'''''[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]''''' is a children's animated TV series, airing on Nickelodeon about the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. It spawned [[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie|a movie]], followed by several short films, and video games.
==Episode 1==
===''Help Wanted'' [1.1a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the window. For years I've been dreaming of this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line and... I can't do this! ''[starts to run home, but Patrick stops him]'' Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': Where do you think you're going?
:'''SpongeBob''': I was just-
:'''Patrick''': No, you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab, and get that job!
:'''SpongeBob''': I can't! Don't you see!? I'm not good enough!
:'''Patrick''': Whose first words were "May I take your order?"
:'''SpongeBob''': Mine were.
:'''Patrick''': Who made a [[w:spatula|spatula]] out of toothpicks in woodshop?
:'''SpongeBob''': I did.
:'''Patrick''': Who's a, uh, who's uh, oh... Who's a big yellow cube with holes?
:'''SpongeBob''': I AM!
:'''Patrick''': Who's ready?
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm ready!
:'''Patrick''': Who's ready?
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm ready!
:'''Patrick''': Who's ready?!
:'''SpongeBob''': '''I'm ready!''' I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!
:'''Squidward''': ''[wiping graffiti off of the window of the restaurant as he notices SpongeBob running towards it]'' Oh no, SpongeBob. What could '''''he''''' possibly want?
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm ready! I'm ready!
:'''Squidward''': ''[runs inside and screams]'' Mr. Krabs! Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you about-''
:'''SpongeBob''': Permission to come aboard, Captain! ''[in French accent]'' I've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew, ''[normal voice]'' and now I'm ready. So, uh, when do I start?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Well, boy, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs, please! I'll prove I'm fry cook material! Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me.
:'''Squidward''': ''[goes over to Krabs]'' ''No.''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Well, boy, we'll give ya a test, and if ya pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me...a...uh, hydrodynamic spatula...with, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, and, uh...turbo drive. And don't come back til ya get one.
:'''SpongeBob''': Aye aye, captain! One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Carry on! We'll never see that lubber again.
:'''Squidward''': You're terrible. A hydro-'''''what'''''?
:''[Squidward and Mr. Krabs laugh]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[gasps]'' That sounded like hatch doors! ''[sniffs repeatedly]'' Do ya smell it? That smell... A kind of smelly smell... A smelly smell that smells... ''smelly''... ''[realizing what the smell is]'' ''Anchovies''.
:'''Squidward''': What?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[shouts]'' <big>'''''ANCHOVIES!!!!!'''''</big>
<hr width=50%/>
:'''SpongeBob''': Permission to come aboard, Captain! ''[arrives the chaos with his flying spatula and red lights, singing in a heroic tune through his megaphone]'' Did someone order a spatula?! ''[Squidward and Mr. Krabs stammering]'' That's right! One hydrodynamic spatula with port and starboard attachments! And let's not forget the turbo drive! Would you believe they only had one in stock? TO THE KITCHEN!!! Who's hungry?!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Mr. Krabs''': That was the finest fast-foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants. Welcome aboard.
:'''Squidward''': B-But Mr. Krabs...
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip!
:'''Squidward''': Hooray, Mr.-
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hip-hip!
:'''Squidward''': Hooray.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hip-hip!
:'''Squidward''': Hooray. Mr. Krabs-
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[walking to his office with a wheelbarrow full of cash]'' I'll be in my quarters, countin' up the booty.
:'''Patrick''': Good morning, Krusty Krew!
:'''Squidward''': What would you like to order, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': One Krabby Patty, please.
:'''Squidward''': ''[dozens of patties shoot out of the order window as the view cuts to the outside of the restaurant]'' What? Mr. Krabs! '''''Mr. Krabs!''''' '''''Mr. Krabs''''', come see your '''''new employee!'''''
===''Reef Blower'' [1.1b]===
:''[Note: this is a silent episode with no dialogue]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[to the shell, captioned]'' You!
===''Tea at the Treedome'' [1.1c]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, you like karate too. ''[does some karate poses, then he stops and falls flat on his head]'' So, what's your name?
:'''Sandy''': Sandy. ''[makes athletic moves]'' So what do y'all call yourself?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[runs up a big rock]'' I'm SpongeBob! ''[jumps down, SpongeBob soon lands on one of his corners]''
:'''Sandy''': Well, SpongeBob, take a gander at this. ''[walks next to a huge rock closes her eyes and slaps it with her hand, making a gong sound effect, SpongeBob is confused as nothing seems to have happen, but then cracking sounds are heard and rock shakes and breaks into pieces]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh. ''[Sandy grins and blinks]'' Oh, yeah? Watch this! ''[prepares to do a karate move, but all he does is make an armpit fart noise. Sandy walks on-screen giggling]''
:'''Sandy''': I like you, SpongeBob. Why, we could be tighter than bark on a tree. Hi-yah! ''[playfully karate chops SpongeBob's head, leaving a triangle-shaped indent at the top.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Uh, I like you too, Sandy. Hi-yah! ''[karate chops her helmet, but realizes it hurts.]'' Ow. Say, what is that thing on your head?
:'''Sandy''': Why, that's my air helmet.
:'''SpongeBob''': May I try it on?
:'''Sandy''': Heck no. I need it to breathe. I gotta have my air.
:'''SpongeBob''': Me too. I love air. Air is good.
:'''Sandy''': No kidding?
:'''SpongeBob''': Why, "air" is my middle name. The more air, the better. Can't get enough of that air.
:'''Sandy''': Shee-oot. How about comin' over tomorrow for tea and cookies then? ''[shows a map leading to Sandy's house]'' Don't be late.
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay, see you tomorrow.
==Episode 2==
===''Bubblestand'' [1.2a]===
:''[As SpongeBob is constructing his bubblestand]''
:'''Squidward''': Can we lower the volume please? I can't work with all that racket going on!
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, sure thing, Squidward!
:'''Squidward''': Yes. Mmm. Right. Mmm.
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay...
:''[He slowly taps on a nail and looks at Squidward's house. For several seconds, SpongeBob continues to slowly hammer the nail every three seconds and glance back at Squidward's house on the pause]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[to himself]'' Now for some soothing sounds from Squidward's clarinet. Thank you, thank you. ''[plays his clarinet. SpongeBob proceeds to continue building his Bubblestand super fast, making a loud racket]'' ''I thought I...'' ''Huh.''
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Squidward! Wanna blow some bubbles? Only 25 cents.
:'''Squidward''': Right, like I would ''spend'' a moment of my time blowing bubbles.
:'''SpongeBob''': Uh-huh.
:'''Squidward''': Oh, please. I mean who in the world would pay to blow bubbles?
:'''Patrick''': Good morning.
<hr width”50%”>
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay, Patrick. It's all in the technique. First go like this, spin around. Stop! Double take three times. One, two, three. Then, pelvic thrust! Whoooo! Whooooooo! Stop on your right foot! Don't forget it! Now it's time to bring it around town. Bring it around town. Then you do this, then this, and that, and this, and that, and this, and that, and then... ''[blows bubbles shaped like ducks, a cube, a caterpillar, and a tugboat. When the tugboat bubble pops, it makes a foghorn noise]'' And now with two hands! ''[blows a bubble shaped like an elephant]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[Laughing]'' It's a giraffe. ''[continues laughing as the elephant bubble floats into Squidward's house]''
:''[The bubble pops and tons of smaller bubbles come out of both windows of the house while the elephant trumpets. Squidward opens the door. SpongeBob and Patrick hide behind the bubblestand and SpongeBob places a closed sign on it]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Excuse me, sir, but we are closed.
:'''Squidward''': Don’t give me any of that! How can you two make noise just blowing bubbles?!
:'''SpongeBob''': We're not just blowing bubbles, we're making bubble art!
===''Ripped Pants'' [1.2b]===
:'''Buckley''': May I help you?
:'''SpongeBob''': I'll take a banana split.
:'''Buckley''': Uh, we don't have that.
:'''SpongeBob''': That's okay, I already "split" my pants. Get it?
:''[Sandy laughs]''
:'''Buckley''': ''[sarcastically]'' Tee-hee. Anything else?
:'''SpongeBob''': How about, "''ripple''"? ''[shows the rip in his pants; Sandy laughs some more]'' No thanks, already got one.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, no! Everybody's gone, even Sandy! She'd rather hang out with Larry! Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. [''weeps''] We blew it, pants. [''his pants comes to life'']
:'''Pants''': What do you mean "we"?
:''[Pants walks off]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, I didn't have to be a fool to get Sandy's attention. '''Am I the biggest loser on the beach?!'''
:'''Lupa''': No, I am. I forgot to put on sunscreen.
:'''SpongeBob''': Ouch.
:'''Loser''': No, I am. I got sand in my buns.
:'''Loser Whale''': No, I'm the biggest loser on the beach. They buried me in the sand and forgot me.
:'''Loser''': What happened to you?
:'''SpongeBob''': I lost my best friend.
:'''Loser''': How?
:'''SpongeBob''': When I ripped... my pants. ''[starts to sing]'' I thought that I had everybody by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won't even spare a passing glance, all just because I ripped my pants.
:'''Losers''': ♪''When big Larry came round just to put him down, SpongeBob turned into a clown, and no girl ever wants to dance with a fool who went and ripped his pants!''♪
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[singing voice, a crowd begins to gather]'' ♪''I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse, but the pain feels so much worse. 'Cause winding up with no one is a lot less fun than a burn from the sun...''♪
:'''Losers''': ♪''Or sand in your buns!''♪
:'''SpongeBob''': ♪''I learned a lesson I won't soon forget...so listen and you won't regret. Be true to yourself; don't miss your chance...and you won't end up like the fool...who...ripped...his...pants!''♪
:'''Sandy''': SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': Sandy!
:'''Sandy''': Your song is true. If y'all want to be my friend, just be yourself.
:'''Larry''': SpongeBob, that was so righteous. Would you...sign my pants?
:'''SpongeBob''': Absolutely, buddy. ''[bends down to sign Larry's pants. His underwear then rips off completely. Someone off-screen whistles. He covers his crotch, ending the episode]''
==Episode 3==
===''Jellyfishing'' [1.3a]===
:'''Squidward''': ''[moaning; after he explodes himself from an accident]'' Oww...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': Welcome home, Squidward!
:'''Patrick Star''': Merry Christmas!
:'''SpongeBob''': We're going to make this your best day ever! Well, your best day's sure not going to be out there.
:'''Patrick''': How about some soup on your best day ever?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Patrick''': Music isn't best either.
:'''SpongeBob''': But what is best is what we saved for last. The one sure-fire thing to make your best day ever the best day ever.
:''[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward in Jellyfish Fields]''
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing, jellyfishing!
:'''SpongeBob''': This is Jellyfish Fields, where wild [[w:jellyfish|jellyfish]] roam just waiting to be captured. No, no, Squid, over here. I know you're eager, but you don't even have your net. Patrick, fix him up while I find him a good specimen.
:'''Patrick''': Firmly grasp it in your hand. ''[puts the net on Squidward's bandaged hand, but it falls. He picks it up]'' Firmly grasp it. ''[puts it on the Squidward's bandaged hand again, but it falls again]'' '''FIRMLY GRASP IT!!!''' ''[stabs the net through Squidward's bandaged hand]'' That oughta do it.
===''[[w:Plankton!|Plankton!]]'' [1.3b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Plankton, what are you doing here?
:'''Plankton''': I just want to talk. You could say we're friends, right?
:'''SpongeBob''': Um...no.
:'''Plankton''': Acquaintances?
:'''SpongeBob''': No.
:'''Plankton''': Well, we're both invertebrates, aren't we?
:'''SpongeBob''': I...guess so.
:'''Plankton''': You see? Everything works out. I have something for you. I've been keeping it in my secret compartment. ''[rummages through his back pocket and takes out a golden spatula]'' Ching! ''[in unison with the sparkling of the spatula]'' Sparkle, sparkle.
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow! A golden spatula! And it's even got my name on it!
:'''Plankton''': It's a gift. A gift from a friend. ''[hugs SpongeBob's thumb]'' Friends give each other gifts, and tomorrow is my birthday. ''[puts a birthday hat on his head and SpongeBob's thumb, then blows a noisemaker]'' And you know what I'd like more than anything in the whole wide world? ''[takes out a cake and blows out the candles]''
:'''SpongeBob''': A booster seat?
:'''Plankton''': Booster seat! Hot dog! ''[throws away the cake and the birthday hat]'' I mean, no. What I want for my birthday from you, my friend, is one of those ''[starts drooling]'' tender... delicious... Krabby Patties!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[drops Plankton and gasps]'' You just want to be friends so you can get your hands on a Krabby Patty! And I bet it's not even your birthday tomorrow!
:'''Plankton''': Gee, and I thought you were stupid.
:'''SpongeBob''': You'll never get a Krabby Patty from me! ''[starts walking away, then stops]'' Even if we are friends! ''[runs off]'' Never! Never! Never! Never!
:'''Plankton''': Oh, I'll get a Krabby Patty. And you're gonna hand-deliver it to me personally! You weak-minded '''FOOL'''! ''[takes out a gramophone that plays evil music and laughs evilly to it]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Plankton''': [''with SpongeBob's voice, to Squidward''] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player!
:'''Squidward''': Mediocre?
:[''reveals to be Plankton inside his brain talking to his microphone'']
:'''Plantkon''': [''with SpongeBob's voice''] You pretentious, little insignificant artist. Your sniveling creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Plankton''': Any last words, SpongeBob SecretPants? ''[SpongeBob tries to resist, but stops]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I just have to say I'm sorry I let Mr. Krabs down. ''[tears start to come out of his eyes]'' I let all of Bikini Bottom down. But worst of all, I let you down, ''[one of his teary eyes twinkles]'' you delicate little Krabby Patty.
:'''Plankton''': Mmm...
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[tearing up even more]'' With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness. ''[inside, Plankton starts to get hungry]''
:'''Plankton''': Steamy...
:''[A live-action patty gets assembled on screen as SpongeBob states the ingredients]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steaming between two fluffy seaweed-sea buns. ''[inside, Plankton starts to drool excessively]''
:'''Plankton''': Yes... yes... YES! ''[jumps out of one of SpongeBob's holes to the patty]'' Come to papa! ''[bounces off the patty and accidentally lands in the analyzer]'' Oh, boy. ''[now zapped and the computer reads out the analysis]''
:'''Karen''': Plankton: 1% evil, 99% hot gas. ''[Plankton appears on the screen]''
:'''Plankton''': Well, this stinks.
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, patty, I guess we can go home now. ''[walks out]''
:'''Plankton''': SpongeBob, that's my Krabby Patty! ''[SpongeBob walks out the swivel doors and they go back and forth]'' Give it back, you porous freak! I command you! My patty! ''[the doors come to a close]'' ''[shouts]'' No! ''[normal voice]'' I'll settle for some fries. ''[the episode ends]''
==Episode 4==
===''Naughty Nautical Neighbors'' [1.4a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[sings]'' ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the world... ♪ ''[plays the bassinet very badly]'' ♪ Squidward is my best friend in the sea... ♪ ''[the bow flies into a painting of Squidward. Squidward breaks the bow in half; singing and playing the bassinet like a guitar]'' ♪ Squidward- ♪
:'''Patrick''': ''[poking his head out the window]'' ♪ Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob. ♪ ''[Spongebob shuts the window in his face]'' Oh!
:'''SpongeBob''': And Patrick is a DIRTY, STINKY, ROTTEN FRIEND STEALER!! ''[hits the bassinet against the floor and it breaks]'' Um, I can fix this. ''[Squidward growls and kicks him out]'' So, uh...I'll see you tomorrow, Squidward. Call me.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Squidward''': ''[after his front door falls on him]'' Oh-ho, my back.
===''[[w:Boating School|Boating School]]'' [1.4b]===
:''[SpongeBob arrives at Mrs. Puff's Boating School]''
:'''Crabwater''': Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, I just got my license!
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, I'm getting mine next.
:'''Crabwater''': Hey, I doubt it.
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': I've got too much to worry about.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mrs. Puff''': ''[inflated, in deep voice]'' Oh, SpongeBob, WHY?
:'''Fred''': My leg!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mrs. Puff''': You've shown the most spectacular improvement of any student I've ever seen. What's your secret? A little radio in your head? ''[she and SpongeBob laugh; cuts to Patrick at the pineapple also laughing]'' Oh, and under that hat is some kind of, uhh, antenna? ''[they laugh again]'' And some guy miles away from here is giving you all the answers? ''[the laughing sequence plays a third time]'' Oh, yes...But that would be cheating.
:'''Patrick''': Cheating! ''[laughs]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''I'm cheating.'' Mrs. Puff.
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Yes, my star pupil?
:'''SpongeBob''': I think I'm cheating.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Near the end of the driving test]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Cheating, I'm a cheater! Cheater!
:'''Mrs. Puff''': No, no, no! It's quite alright! You can cheat that way! ''[points towards the finish line]''
:'''SpongeBob''': No, I'm cheating!
==Episode 5==
===''[[w:Pizza Delivery (SpongeBob SquarePants)|Pizza Delivery]]'' [1.5a]===
:'''Squidward''': Will you let go of that stupid pizza already?
:'''SpongeBob''': I can't, it's for the customer!
:'''Squidward''': Who cares about the customer?
:'''SpongeBob''': I do!
:'''Squidward''': Well, I don't!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' Squidward!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Squidward''': Give it to me!
:'''SpongeBob''': No! We promised it's for the customer!
:'''Squidward''': ''[calms down]'' You're right. It's for the customer.
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah!
:'''Squidward''': Maybe we better check on it, make sure it's okay.
:'''SpongeBob''': Well?
:'''Squidward''': Just a peek. ''[opens the box]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[shuts it]'' Okay, it's fine.
:'''Squidward''': No, I think I saw something. ''[opens the box]'' Oh, no. I was wrong. Looks okay. Sure is a fine-looking pizza.
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah...
:'''Squidward''': What's that? Is that the cheese?
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah...
:'''Squidward''': And the pepperoni?
:'''SpongeBob''': YEAH...
:'''Squidward''': Ooh, looks good, huh?
:'''SpongeBob''': Wait a second! I know what you're trying to do, Squidward! I'm ''not'' letting you eat the pizza!
:'''Squidward''': Give me the pizza!
:'''SpongeBob''': No!
:'''Squidward''': Don't make me take it away from you, SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': Get away!
:'''Squidward''': ''[starts chasing SpongeBob]'' Get back here, SpongeBob! Give me that pizza!
:'''SpongeBob''': No!
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': No!
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': No!
:''[Squidward becomes too tired to chase SpongeBob]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Tom (orange)''': ''[after Tom insults SpongeBob by not taking the pizza and slamming the door in his face, Squidward walks up to the house and bangs on the door]'' Another one?! Look, I told your little friend I ain't paying for that!
:'''Squidward''': Well, this one's on the house! ''[slams the pizza box in Tom's face]''
===''Home Sweet Pineapple'' [1.5b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Hooray, Gary! We're finally huge! ''[the house shrinks again again and the bed disappears, leaving SpongeBob on the floor]''
:'''Gary''': Meow.
:'''SpongeBob''': Huh? Wait a minute. ''[the scene cuts to outside where the nematodes are still drinking SpongeBob's house]'' Oh no! ''[runs into the living room. but squeezes through the door as he almost gets stuck. He gets freed as he gets launched into the wall. Gary gets stuck through the door as he slithers in. SpongeBob crashes into the wall, flipping the side table over]'' Ow. Shellphone! I know, I'll call Squidward. He'll know what to do.
:'''Squidward''': Hello?
:'''SpongeBob''': Squidward!
:'''Squidward''': Is it time already for you to ruin my day?
:'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, help me! ''[his shellphone starts to shrink]'' My house is shrinking! I woke this morning, I was getting smaller and ''[high pitched voice]'' smaller! The walls are closing in on me! Gary is terrified too! ''[the shellphone is hung up; normal voice]'' Oh no!
:'''Squidward''': Yep, it is.
:'''SpongeBob''': Aah!
:'''Patrick''': Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? Hey, SpongeBob. Don't start without me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Squidward''': Tum-ta-dum. Today's the big day, Squidward. Don't wanna be late. ''[flies into his closet, gets dressed, and goes outside]'' Gotta hurry! Hold it! Hold everything! ''[SpongeBob and Patrick stand outside, with bags]'' I would not want to miss this. The day SpongeBob moves. I can't believe it's really happening.
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't worry, Squidward. I'll come visit you.
:'''Squidward''': Don't try to cheer me up, SpongeBob. Please.
:'''SpongeBob''': Here come my parents.
:''[Patrick begins to cry and the car horn sounds as SpongeBob's parents drive up]''
:'''Mrs. SquarePants''': SpongeBob. Hi, honey, we're here.
:'''Mr. SquarePants''': Come on, SpongeBob, hurry, hurry, son, your mother has dinner waiting.
:'''SpongeBob''': Hi, Mom.
:'''Squidward''': Hello, Mrs. SquarePants! Let me help you with these bags. ''[picks up the bags and carries them to the car]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Just give me a minute. ''[he walks back to where his house used to be]'' I cannot hold onto you any longer, little pebble. ''[buries it into the ground in the middle of where his house used to be]'' You hold too many memories. ''[sheds a tear, which falls from his nose and into the ground where the seed absorbs it, it then starts to glow. Then he shakes Squidward's hand]'' Well, Squidward, this is goodbye.
:'''Squidward''': Goodbye, SpongeBob, goodbye. ''[dances and celebrates]'' Goodbye, SpongeBob. Bye-bye-bye. Goodbye, SpongeBob. Ha-ha. Goodbye, goodbye.
:'''Mrs. SquarePants''': Come on, SpongeBob.
:'''SpongeBob''': Goodbye, Patrick. Goodbye, Bikini Bottom.
:''[Patrick holds onto the back of the boat, lifting the front into the air, as he cries]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[still dancing and celebrating]'' SpongeBob is leaving. He's leaving, he's leaving! La, la, la, la, la, la, la ha ha ha ha! He's leaving, ha ha! SpongeBob is leaving, he's leaving!
:''[Suddenly, the ground starts shaking. Squidward stops dancing, while SpongeBob, his parents and Patrick stare. The pebble, revealed to be a seed, grows into a giant green stem out of the ground, SpongeBob's house grows from the plant and drops where his old house used to be and on Squidward. The stem then goes back into the ground]''
:'''SpongeBob''': My house is back! Aww! Good old pineapple! It was exactly where it used to be! ''[continues praising all of the returned belongings he possessed in his original house]'' Aww, Squidward, isn't this great? I'm back forever!
:'''Squidward''': Forever?
:''[The episode ends]''
==Episode 6==
===''Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy'' [1.6a]===
:'''Mermaid Man''': ''[as a young adult]'' By the power of Neptune!
:'''TV Announcer''': ''[as he speaks, young adult Barnacle Boy joins Mermaid Man]'' Mermaid Man, with his young associate Barnacle Boy, fights for all creatures who live in the sea, against the forces of evil.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Barnacle Boy''': Time to come out of retirement. There's evil afoot.
:'''Mermaid Man''': Evil! Where is it?
:'''Barnacle Boy''': ''[points at SpongeBob and Patrick]'' There it is! You know what this means? ''[opens a box containing their rings]''
:'''Mermaid Man''': Donuts.
:'''Barnacle Boy''': Oh brother.
===''[[w:Pickles (SpongeBob SquarePants)|Pickles]]'' [1.6b]===
:'''Squidward''': Let me guess, Tiny, a small salad?
:'''Bubble Bass''': I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it and let it swim.
:'''Squidward''': We serve ''food'' here, sir.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''SpongeBob''': Wait a MINUTE! ''[grabs Bubble Bass' tongue and pulls it out, revealing four pickles underneath]'' Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue ''the whole time!''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': And there's the pickles from last time, too!
:'''Woman Fish''': And there's my car keys!
:'''Bubble Bass''': And... there's my ride. ''[runs out of the Krusty Krab]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Three cheers for the return of our master fry cook, SpongeBob! Hip hip...
:'''All''': Hooray!
:'''Squidward''': Hooray.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hip hip...
:'''All''': Hooray!
:'''Squidward''': Whoop-dee-doo.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hip hip...
:'''All''': Hooray!
:'''Squidward''': Oh, boy.
:'''SpongeBob''': And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place when I was gone: Squidward! ''[Squidward smiles]'' Hip hip...
:'''All''': Boo! ''[Squidward is shocked and frowns. His frown gets more groopier with each "boo"]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Hip hip...
:'''All''': Boo!
:''[Cut to an outside shot of the Krusty Krab]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Hip hip...
:'''All''': Boo!
:'''SpongeBob''': Hip hip...
:'''Customer''': '''''BOO! YOU STINK!'''''
==Episode 7==
===''[[w:SpongeBob SquarePants (season 1)#ep7a|Hall Monitor]]'' [1.7a]===
:''[SpongeBob is lying on the ground after the class tramples him while running out the door]''
:'''Mrs. Puff''': SpongeBob, are you okay?
:'''SpongeBob''': I overdid the speech again, didn't I?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': I'm afraid so.
:'''SpongeBob''': Aw, tartar sauce! I guess I won't be needing this. ''[takes off uniform]'' I hardly knew you. ''[frowns and begins to walk away]''
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Uh, SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': Yes, Mrs. Puff?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': I can at least let you wear it until tomorrow.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[flies back into the uniform with a shout of joy]'' Thanks, Mrs. Puff!
:'''Mrs. Puff''': ''[to herself]'' What are the consequences of what I've just done? ''[sighs as she walks back into her classroom]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[takes a look at a wanted poster]'' Huh, this guy's not half-bad-looking for a maniac. Wait a minute, Patrick...''I'm'' the maniac.
:''[Four police cars and several policeman surround SpongeBob]''
:'''Wilkie''': We'll take that as a confession.
:'''Mrs. Puff''': SpongeBob SquarePants, there you are. I turn my back on you for one minute and you destroy half the city. You should be ashamed of yourself.
:'''Wilkie''': You know this guy?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': Of course I do. I'm the one who gave him the uniform in the first place. He's my responsibility. Uh-oh...
:''[cut to the classroom. It is revealed Puff is in a jail cell teaching with a camera pointed at her with a monitor in the classroom.]''
:'''Mrs. Puff''': So, in conclusion, class. Red means "stop", green means "go". Oh, and SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[nervously]'' Yes, Mrs. Puff?
:'''Mrs. Puff''': ''[shown on the monitor]'' I'd like to see you after class... '''''6 months from now!'''''
:''[episode ends]''
===''Jellyfish Jam'' [1.7b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Squidward! Hey, Squidward! Squidward! Squidward-ier! ''[Squidward peeks out his window]'' Squidward! Look at my new pet.
:'''Squidward''': That's no pet, that's a wild animal.
:'''SpongeBob''': No, he isn't. Watch this. ''[throws a stick so the jellyfish returns it. SpongeBob is holding up 3 fingers]'' How many fingers am I holding up?
:'''Jellyfish''': ''[humming]'' 1, 2, 3.
:'''SpongeBob''': Play dead.
:''[The jellyfish is buried underground with a tomb that says "R.I.P.". He pops up]''
:'''Squidward''': I wouldn't let that thing into my house even if it was potty trained. ''[the jellyfish, still on the rope, is on a toilet reading a newspaper]'' I didn't need to see that.
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, we're going to my house to have a little fun.
:'''Squidward''': How can you possibly have fun with a jellyfish?
<hr width=50%>
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish '''''FOR TWELVE HOURS!'''''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Squidward''': RRRRRRRGH....'''''EIGHTEEN HOURS!!!!!''''' ''[gets out of bed; grabs his shellphone]'' I'm gonna give SpongeBob a piece of my mind!
==Episode 8==
===''Sandy's Rocket'' [1.8a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Nice try, Sandy.
:'''Patrick''': Or should I say "Mrs. Alien Pants"? ''[laughs]''
:'''Sandy''': Aliens? Is that what this is about? ''[SpongeBob and Patrick throw Sandy in the rocket]'' This isn't the moon! We're still in Bikini Bot-- ''[door is slammed shut]''
:'''SpongeBob''': It just goes to show you: you can't trust anyone. ''[he and Patrick stare at each other, run off, and pump their guns]'' So, you were an alien all the time, and you didn't even tell me!
:'''Patrick''': I didn't even know!
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, I've got you now!
:'''Patrick''': Oh, but it's not ''you'' that's got me. It's... ''[fires his pop-gun, but traps himself instead]'' ...''me'' that's got me.
----
:'''SpongeBob''': Sandy, I'm back! ''[peeks out the window]'' Wow, Bikini Bottom sure looks different. ''[sees the Earth and realizes his mistake]'' Uh-oh!
:'''People''': SpongeBob, we aliens would like a word with you!
===''[[w:Squeaky Boots|Squeaky Boots]]'' [1.8b]===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Wha? ''[looks at a clock]'' What's that? ''[looks at Gallery Grub with "Squeak" words in it]'' I didn't write that, agh! What? ''[Tom's mouth muted]'' Who said that? Who's there? ''[water dripping]'' Huh?
:''[Thunder rumbles]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[in Mr. Krabs' memory]'' Could the world greatest fry cook do this? And this! And this! And this! And this! And this, and this, and this, and this, and this. ''[Mr. Krabs' eyes swirl]'' This, and this, and this, and this, and this, and...?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[snapping after too much squeaking]'' Stop it! '''''Stop it!''''' Oh! Don't you hear it? ''[short silence as the few customers stare at him]'' Yes, I did it! I did it! I took the boots! They're here! Under the floorboard! ''[sobbing]'' Oh, please! Make it stop! It's the squeaking of the hideous boots! [throws himself onto the floor and bawls] I'm sorry... [lifts up the entire Krusty Krab and grabs the boots, with everyone screaming inside.] ...but I can't take the infernal squeakin' no more! ''[throws himself onto the floor, then lifts the entire krusty krab up to grab the boots; He then rushes to the kitchen with the evil expression, He puts the boots into the vat of grease shrinking them and then eating them, He then opens the door to the dining room and lets out the burp]'' The deed is done.
:'''Spongebob''': ''[confused]'' Umm, why did you eat my boots Mr. Krabs?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Because lad, you didn't need em. It's not the boots, it's the booty. Err, um, the person ''in'' the boots. You're a great fry cook, SpongeBob.
:'''SpongeBob''': You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I do, son. ''[gives SpongeBob money]'' Here's your paycheck, SpongeBob. ''[gives more money]'' Plus, a bonus. ''[takes bonus back]'' Well, there's your paycheck anyway. ''[walks off]'' I need a vacation.
:'''SpongeBob''': Bye, Mr. Krabs!
==Episode 9==
===''Nature Pants'' [1.9a]===
:'''Squidward''': ''[about SpongeBob, who has decided to go live in the wild]'' He took off his pants...
:'''Sandy''': I'll give him a week.
:'''Squidward''': I'll give him 11 minutes.
:'''Patrick''': ''[on the verge of tears]'' Patrick Sad!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Sandy''': Here, Patrick, have a Krabby Patty! ''[whispers]'' There he is Patrick, say your line!
:'''Patrick''': ''[reading script]'' ''Why, thank you, Sandy, I would love one. (Take patty.)'' ''[takes the patty]'' ''Too bad SpongeBob isn't here, these are his favorites. I sure wish he'd come home! (Take...bite...)'' ''[tries to but can't]'' I can't do it! SpongeBob, come back!
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, I'm not coming home.
:'''Patrick''': I miss you! Sandy misses you! Even Squidward misses you!
:''[Cuts to Squidward at a party in his house dancing and cheering that SpongeBob is gone.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, that's over. Back to jellyfish matters. ''[a drop of jelly lands on SpongeBob nose. He samples it]'' Mmm, jelly. ''[eats a lot of jelly as the jellyfish come back toward the hive]'' Ah, my jellyfish brethren are returning! ''[jellyfish buzz into the hive]'' Greetings, comrades!
''[The jellyfish repeatedly sting SpongeBob and he yells. SpongeBob climbs out of the hive with several bites yelling in pain and runs as the jellyfish keep stinging him.]''
<hr width=50%>
:''[Later, SpongeBob is walking home, back to Bikini Bottom, at night.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. ''[says "Buzz" fourteen more times as he walks up to the Krusty Krab door with a "Closed" sign and sees a plate full of Krabby Patties on a table]'' Krabby Patties. Buzz. Buzz. ''[walks past Sandy's treedome, then he sniffles]'' Sandy. ''[still saying "Buzz," walks up to his pineapple]'' What have I done? I had a great life and friends, and I gave all of that up.
:''[SpongeBob opens the door. The light turns on. Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Squidward, Patrick, and Gary are there to welcome him home.]''
:'''Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Sandy''': Welcome home, SpongeBob! ''[Squidward blows a party blower]''
:'''SpongeBob''': You guys are the best! I made a huge mistake. Please forgive me!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Ah, quit your blubbering and have a Krabby Patty. ''[hands him a Krabby Patty]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't mind if I do. ''[eats it as Mr. Krabs places his Krusty Crew hat on his head]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': And I'll see you at work first thing tomorrow morning.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[salutes]'' Aye, aye, captain!
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, do us all a favor. ''[hands SpongeBob his pants]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't mind if I do! ''[puts on his pants]'' Ta-dah. ''[hugs Squidward]'' Aww.
:'''Squidward''': Okay, that's enough. ''[everyone else hugs SpongeBob and Squidward]''
:'''Gary''': Meow.
:'''Squidward''': Could we please stop this? ''[everyone except SpongeBob starts to feel something]''
:'''Patrick''': Patrick itchy! ''[everyone but SpongeBob starts to scratch themselves and crawl on the floor]''
:'''SpongeBob''': It is great to be home!
===''[[w:Opposite Day (Spongebob SquarePants)|Opposite Day]]'' [1.9b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Hi, Squidward. I mean, goodbye, Squidward! Aw, isn't Opposite Day...terrible? ''[laughs]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[growling]'' I'll tell you what's terrible: living next to you! You're the worst neighbor in history!
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow, that's the nicest thing Squidward's ever said to me.
<hr width=50%>
:''[SpongeBob's doorbell rings]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Company! I ''hate'' company. ''[rushes to the door]'' Who's there?
:'''Patrick''': It's Patrick!
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick... go away! I never want to see you again! ''[giggles, but Patrick starts to cry]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[sobbing]'' SpongeBob doesn't like me anymore!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[opens the door]'' That's right. You're my worst enemy.
:''[Patrick falls to the ground and bawls]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, you're not really not my friend. It's just Opposite Day!
:'''Patrick''': Opposite Day? Hey, I've heard of that!
:'''SpongeBob''': You have?
:'''Patrick''': No! What is it?
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, whatever you normally do, today you do the opposite.
:'''Patrick''': Oh! Let me try! Let me try! ''[holds his breath for about 6 seconds then turns purple]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick! Patrick, breathe!
:''[Patrick takes a deep breath in and pants]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Not ''that'' opposite. Let me show you how to do it the ''wrong'' way!
<hr width=50%>
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick are talking backwards]''
:'''SpongeBob''': .kcirtap, yeH (Hey, Patrick.)
:'''Patrick''': .pu evig I (I give up.)
:'''SpongeBob''': !edis etisoppo eht ot teg oT (To get to the opposite side!)
:''[Both laughing backwards]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': I don't get it. I made my house a mess, which was making it clean, which made Squidward clean my yard, but that really means he's messing it up. But the opposite of clean is filth, which means filth is clean, that means Squidward is really making my yard a wreck, but I normally wreck my own yard which means, Squidward is being the opposite of Squidward, which means he's SpongeBob! A-ha! I understand everything now! I must be the opposite of SpongeBob, by being... ''[Disguises himself to look like Squidward; talks like him]'' Squidward.
:'''Patrick''': Hey! I wanna be opposite, too!
:''[SpongeBob puts some coral on Patrick to give him a Squidward nose.]''
:'''Patrick''': Yeah! Finally! Yoo-hoo! I'm Squidward! I'm Squidward! Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
:'''SpongeBob''': Wait. It's not enough to ''look'' like Squidward to be opposite. ''[mimics Squidward]'' ''You have to act like him too. Boy oh boy, do I like playing the clarinet. I practice and practice all day long but I never get any better.'' ''[own voice]'' Now you try.
:'''Patrick''': Okay. ''[inhales, beat]'' I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': I'm Squidward. I'm Squidward. I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Spongebob plays Squidward's clarinet for the realtor]''
:'''Realtor''': Okay. I really don't want to hear another one.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[talking like Squidward]'' Okay. ''[plays the clarinet again]''
:'''Realtor''': I really don't want to hear more, thank you.
:'''SpongeBob''': I hear you loud and clear. ''[When SpongeBob play the clarinet the third time, Squidward opens the door]''
:'''Squidward''': Stop! Get away from her! ''[to the realtor]'' Oh, I am so sorry, Ma'am. I hope these two ''[turns to SpongeBob and Patrick]'' barnacle heads ''[turns back to the realtor]'' haven't harmed you in any way.
:'''Realtor''': Who are you?
:'''Squidward''': Why, I'm Squidward.
:'''Realtor''': What kind of fool do you take me for? ''[points to Patrick]'' He's Squidward. ''[points to SpongeBob]'' He's Squidward. ''[points to Squidward]'' You're Squidward? '''I'M SQUIDWARD!''' Are there any other Squidwards I should know about?!
:'''Gary''': ''[with a pickle on his face imitating Squidward]'' Meow.
:'''Realtor''': I'm out of here.
:'''Squidward''': Ma'am, please! What about my house?
:'''Realtor''': I wouldn't sell a house for you if you were the last Squidward on Earth!
:'''Squidward''': Wait!
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't...
:'''Patrick''': Go!
:'''Squidward''': ''[screams, runs out of his house, and holds onto the realtor's leg and skirt. The realtor is dragging him, as she's about to leave]'' No, no, no, no, no! Please sell my house!
:'''Realtor''': '''NEVER!!!''' ''[drives away]''
:'''Squidward''': Don't leave me here! ''[starts crying]''
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Happy Opposite Day, Squidward! We ''hate'' you!
:'''Squidward''': ''[looks livid then calms down]'' Let me show you guys how much I ''HATE YOU.''
:''[Squidward leaves; the ground rumbles and SpongeBob and Patrick scream and run off; reveals Squidward driving the bulldozer used to dismantle SpongeBob's house with; the two run away]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, do you ever feel that Squidward likes us ''too'' much?!
:'''Squidward''': <big>'''HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY!!!!'''</big>
:''[Squidward laughs evilly as he continues chasing them as they run away into the distance, ending the episode]''
==Episode 10==
===''Culture Shock'' [1.10a]===
:'''Squidward''': Uh, good evening and welcome to the first annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show, sponsored by the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, because no one else would give it a home. ''[a rimshot plays and Patrick bursts out laughing]'' Uh, thank you, heh. Our next act is living proof that nepotism is alive and well. ''[another rimshot plays and Patrick laughs again]''
:'''Patrick''': It's happened! ''[laughing]''
:'''Squidward''': Heh, thank you. Uh, put your fins together for... ''[Patrick cracks up laughing very hard. Bashes on the table with laughter, shaking dinnerware. He falls off his chair]'' Put your... ''[Patrick laughs]'' Put... ''[Patrick laughs]'' Pearl. ''[crowd applauds]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hooray! ''[the curtain rises for Pearl, dressed in cheerleader uniform]'' My little girl is finally a star.
:'''Pearl''': Give me a K-R-U! ''[jumps up and down on the stage causing the crowd to fly up and down with her]'' Give me a S-T-Y! ''[jumps up and down again]'' Krusty Krab! ''[jumps up and down]'' Krusty Krab! ''[jumps up and down]'' Krusty Krab! ''[jumps up and down]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[he, Patrick, and SpongeBob's parents get tossed up and down. Mr. Krabs appears happy]'' Now that's what I call talent! ''[Krusty Krab floor is destroyed]''
:'''Pearl''': Thank you!
:'''Edward''': My leg! Ugh!
:'''Pearl''': Thank you, ''[chuckles]'' thank you!
===''F.U.N.'' [1.10b]===
:'''Plankton''': I'm winning. I'm winning!
:'''SpongeBob''': It's not about winning, it's about fun!
:'''Plankton''': What's that?
:'''SpongeBob''': Fun is when you... ''[thinking to himself]'' fun is... it's like... it's kinda... sorta like a... what is fun? I... let me spell it for you. ''[singing while showing the letter "F"]'' ♪ ''F is for friends who do stuff together,'' ''[cut to a bored Plankton, then cut to SpongeBob showing the letter "U"]'' ''U is for you and me,'' ''[as the letter "N" while performing a cartwheel]'' ''N is for anywhere, anytime at all'' ♪
:'''Singers''': ''[the letters "F" and "U" reappear next to SpongeBob]'' ♪ ''Down here in the deep blue sea'' ♪
:'''Plankton''': ♪ ''F is for fire that '''burns down the whole town,''''' ''[cut to SpongeBob, visibly scared]'' ''U is for uranium... Bombs,'' ''[cut back to Plankton]'' ''N is for no sur-vi-vors, <big>WHEN YOU---</big> ''♪
:'''SpongeBob''': Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about. Now, do it like this: ''[does some wacky dance moves]'' ♪ ''F is for friends who do stuff to--'' ♪
:'''Plankton''': Never! That's completely idiotic!
:'''SpongeBob''': Here, let me help you. ''[grabs Plankton hands while helping him dance]'' ♪ ''F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me'' ♪ ''[stops singing]'' Try it!
:'''Plankton''': ''[performs a cartwheel]'' ♪ ''N is for anywhere, anytime at all'' ♪
:'''Singers''': ♪ ''Down here in the deep blue sea'' ♪
:'''Plankton''': Wait, I don't understand this, I feel all tingly inside. Should we stop?
:'''SpongeBob''': No! That's how you're supposed to feel!
:'''Plankton''': Well, I like it. Let's do it again!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[the scene cuts to the flower beds]'' Okay!
:'''SpongeBob and Plankton''': ''F is for frolic through all the flowers,'' ''[cut to Plankton inside a ukulele. SpongeBob is dressed Hawaiian style]'' ''U is for ukulele.'' ''[cut to the two at a Noses shop]'' ''N is nose-picking,'' ''[cut to SpongeBob blowing gum with Plankton inside]'' ''sharing gum,'' ''[cut to SpongeBob licking sand at Plankton]'' ''and sand-licking, here with my best buddy.'' ''[cut the two having fun with the "FUN" letters in the background]'' ''Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!''
:''[At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs is looking through a telescope at SpongeBob and Plankton.]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Arrgh, mutiny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob, may I speak to you in private? ''[to Plankton]'' You won't mind if I set this here, will you?
:''[Mr. Krabs puts a plate with a Krabby Patty on the table and pushes it toward him]''
:'''SpongeBob''': What's this all about, Mr. Krabs?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': He's a thief. Look at the lust in his eye, he's...
:'''SpongeBob''': Why can't you just accept our friendship?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': He's just after me recipe. I'll prove it to you. ''[walks up to Plankton]'' Ah, you must be hungry after that long walk over here.
:'''Plankton''': Oh, yes, but I'm saving my appetite for some popcorn at the movies.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh... suit yourself.
:''[Mr. Krabs walks off then comes back to push the plate closer to Plankton. He uses a fan to get the smell to Plankton.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': We've had enough of your little tests, Mr. Krabs! ''[turns the fan off]'' Come on, Plankton, let's get out of here. ''[they both walk away]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight...
:''[Suddenly, the Krabby Patty on the table falls over, revealing it to be a cardboard prop; he realizes Plankton's friendship is a ruse]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': And maybe scallops will fly out of my pants! ''[jumps into the boat that serves as the cash register stand, takes a pair of oars, and starts rowing it]'' Hang on, lad, I'm a-coming!
==Episode 11==
===''MuscleBob BuffPants'' [1.11a]===
[The episode begins at SpongeBob's house. In SpongeBob's house, he is looking at himself in the mirror trying to look strong.]
SpongeBob: It's time to grow myself large and wide.
[He grows and stretches himself large and wide as he is saying it. He walks over to his weight, which is a pink bunny and a blue bear, and has trouble lifting it, but manages to get it over his head anyway. The doorbell rings and SpongeBob opens the door.]
Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob. How's it goin'?
SpongeBob: Not too close, Sandy. I tend to get smelly when I'm pumping iron. Check it out. [shows off his muscles, but is still a weakling]
Sandy: Well, you're smelly.
SpongeBob: All thanks to my state-of-the-art work set. [shows all sorts of stuffed animals]
Sandy: Uhh... I don't wanna disappoint you, SpongeBob, but you won't see any progress with those.
SpongeBob: Oh, really?
Sandy: That is, if you want arms like these. [rolls up her right sleeve, and flexes her right arm, showing off a big, impressive bicep] Or these! [rolls up her other sleeve and flexes her left arm, revealing her other bicep] Or these! [shows off her powerful back muscles while executing a back double bicep flex]
[SpongeBob's arm wiggles in the air.]
SpongeBob: Well, uhh, maybe I could use a little help.
Sandy: Well, if you want arms like mine, you just gotta follow my training program.
SpongeBob: Wow, really? That'd be great, Sandy! I can see me now. [imagines himself with muscles and very tall working at the Krusty Krab, singing and jellyfishing at Jellyfish Fields and telling Gary goodnight, too big for his bed] Goodnight, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: [dream ends] Yeah... that would change everything!
Sandy: Be at my place at 5 a.m. Oh, and you'll need a water helmet. [puts a water helmet on his head]
[Bubble transition to Sandy's tree dome, where SpongeBob is trying to do push-ups.]
Sandy: Come on, SpongeBob, it's only push-ups! Come on! Come on! You can do it!
[SpongeBob is grunting at this point determined to get a push-up. His body cracks and falls down while his arms stay up.]
SpongeBob: One! [acorn bell dings]
Sandy: [in a boxing ring with gloves on] Alright, put 'em up!
SpongeBob: [struggles getting his gloves up] They're up!
Sandy: Ding ding! [punches SpongeBob out of the ring. Later, Sandy starts up her exercise wheel with SpongeBob on it. SpongeBob pants while the wheel goes faster and makes him trip all over the wheel] Feeling the burn?
SpongeBob: I'm-fee-ling-some-thing! [launches out of the wheel and into the tree dome glass]
Sandy: Well, now that we've got you warmed up, it's time for the arm-cruncher.
SpongeBob: Arm-cruncher, great. [looks over and sees two cement blocks slamming into the cement pedestal] This squirrel's trying to kill me!
Sandy: [walks up to the arm-cruncher with phone in hand] This is it.
SpongeBob: Hey, that's great, Sandy. Well, I sure had fun, we'll have to do it again sometime, bye. [hangs up] This working-out thing isn't working out. [his arms bulge in and out] Ow. Ow. Ow.
TV: Hey! Hey, you! Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy! "Oh, I'm a little peanut worm." Are you too much of a wimp to work out? Are you a weakling built like a sponge? Well, now you too can have muscles.
SpongeBob: Huh?
TV: With Anchor Arms! [puts a long pink blow-up item on his arm] They slip on like a glove. Just add air. [puts a plug in the arm's hole and pumps air into it] How big do you want 'em? [pumps air into the other arm] Normal? [puts more air into the arm] Veiny?! And for the ladies... [puts air into the arm which makes it grow hair] ...hairy. [SpongeBob whistles as the TV puts up an image of a weak shark] I was a wimp before Anchor Arms. Now, I'm a jerk and everybody loves me. So order now, wimp!
SpongeBob: Wow, now that's a good idea!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: I wanna be just like him. Yeah, I've gotta get to a phone! [later, a big shadow of SpongeBob is walking down the road past Squidward, who is sitting in a chair licking a popsicle] Hi, Squidward!
Squidward: [with his tongue stuck to the popsicle while looking up] SpongeBob?
[Cuts to Mr. Krabs sweeping the outside of the Krusty Krab.]
Mr. Krabs: [looks up] Huh?
SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Mother of pearl! [hides in the Krusty Krab. Cuts to Mussel Beach where everyone is lifting weights. SpongeBob comes in and makes Incidental 24C drop a big weight on Incidental 24B and Incidental 24Q's feet]
Incidental 24B and Incidental 24Q: Ow...
SpongeBob: Hi, guys. [shows off his new muscles]
Larry: SpongeBob, is that you?
SpongeBob: [walking on his hands] Who were you expecting, Tiny Tim? Wait... wait... [flexes his muscles] They're big, aren't they?
Larry: Dude, you're ripped!
SpongeBob: [flexes out the words] Thank...You. I've been working out. Excuse me a second. [flexes more] Yeah. Anyone up for the... [flexes his muscles into drinks] ...juice bar? [bubble transition to outside of the juice bar]
Scooter: [to Incidental 18] I'm tellin' ya, he's huge!
Sandy: [walks up to them] Have you guys seen SpongeBob anywhere?
Scooter: You mean 'MuscleBob BuffPants'? He's in there! [points to the inside of the juice bar]
Sandy: Uhh, whatever. Thanks. [walks to the juice bar]
SpongeBob: [now inside] I start off with twenty raw eggs every day. But that's just me.
Sandy: Pardon me.
SpongeBob: Working out is my life! I remember when I used to look like that guy over there. [points to Incidental 35]
Incidental 35: Who me? [everyone laughs]
SpongeBob: I remember when I used to look like you, too. [points to Larry and laughs] But, that was a long time ago.
Incidental 6: Here's your drink, sir.
SpongeBob: Thank you. [tries to lift up his drink but can't so he stretches his mouth out to the straw and drinks] Yeah...
Sandy: SpongeBob? Wha-where'd you get those muscles?
SpongeBob: I've created my own workout routine that's given me amazing results. [his anchor arm almost slips off] Whoops! Yeah, I have never felt better.
Sandy: Heck, what's your secret?
SpongeBob: What?
Sandy: Your secret workout. What is it? [everyone wants to know and looks over at SpongeBob. SpongeBob thinks of something nervously and quickly]
SpongeBob: Hmmm, well... I, uhh... first I take my hand and I do this... [makes armpit noises]
Larry: Are you kidding?
SpongeBob: Do these muscles lie? [flexes his muscles into a shape of a sponge. Everyone starts making armpit noises]
Sandy: I'm glad to see you found an exercise program that works for you.
SpongeBob: Yeah, your workout routine wasn't quite tough enough for me.
Sandy: Can't argue with those results. What you need to do now is put those muscles to the test.
SpongeBob: Uhh, what do you mean?
Sandy: The big Mussel Beach anchor tossing competition. It's today! Everybody'll be there!
Tom: Here's your drink. [sets the drink on SpongeBob's anchor-arm hand and it sinks down]
Sandy: Hey, with those arms, you'll do great!
SpongeBob: Uhh, well, I'm not sure.
Sandy: C'mon, let's go.
SpongeBob: Right now?! Wait, uhh, wait, Sandy. I don't think it's such a... [tries to run away but the drink is holding him back. He tries lifting the drink but is unsuccessful] Sandy, wait!
Sandy: Here it is. The sign-in list.
SpongeBob: Oh, no.
Sandy: [signs her name on a piece of paper] Okay, Sandy... [cuts to SpongeBob struggling to lift his drink, then back to Sandy] Cheeks.
SpongeBob: [still struggling] Wait, Sandy, don't sign just yet! [Sandy puts the paper into the entry box. He strains]
Sandy: Okay.
SpongeBob: Wait!
Sandy: [signs SpongeBob's name on a piece of paper] SpongeBob... SquarePants. [Tom lifts the drink off of SpongeBob, which sends him flying towards Sandy, who puts the paper into the entry box]
SpongeBob: Sandy, wait...! [slams into a pole]
Sandy: It's okay, SpongeBob, I already signed your name in.
SpongeBob: Oh, great. Thanks, Sandy. [bubble transition to the competition]
Sports guy: We on? Welcome to the Goo Lagoon 8th annual anchor toss competition. [everyone is getting ready but SpongeBob is nervous]
Sandy: Ready, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. Sure. No problem. [blows frantically into his Anchor Arms]
Sports guy: Could I get some mustard on that? Oh. First up, Don the Whale. [Incidental 32 throws the anchor and it lands. A fish comes up to measure the distance]
Measurer: 200 yards. [the crowd cheers]
Sports guy: Let's see an instant-replay. [another anchor comes flying in on top of the measuring fish and hits him] Amazing! Up next, Larry the Lobster. [Larry throws his anchor. The measuring fish runs away from the anchor but it follows him and crushes him once again]
Measurer: 210 yards!
Sports guy: Here goes, Sandy Cheeks. [Sandy throws it up in the air and kicks it away. The measuring fish runs around trying to avoid getting hit by the anchor but the anchor crushes him anyway]
Measurer: 510 yards!
Sports guy: Wow! Fabulous!
Sandy: Beat that, SpongeBob!
Sports guy: Up next, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Crowd: [imitates the armpit exercise while others are holding up SpongeBob signs and chanting] SpongeBob! SpongeBob! SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: [tries to pull the anchor but instead he falls under the ground with the anchor and comes out and laughs] Just kidding. Just kidding. [everyone laughs]
Sandy: That SpongeBob is funnier than ears on an acorn.
SpongeBob: Oh, this is it. They're all gonna find out I'm a fake. I can't give up. I've got to try. I can do it! I've got Anchor Arms! I'm no wimp, I'm a jerk! [blows his Anchor Arms over the "JERK" size, which makes the arms very huge and incredibly enormous] Yeah! [tries to lift the anchor again but when he tries too hard, veins grow on his arms, and some of the air in one arm goes into his nose. He tries to lift the anchor again, but the air goes into his left eye as the crowd 'ooh's. He tries to lift the anchor again and causes the air to go into his left tooth. He tries to lift the anchor again for the last time, causing the air to rapidly go to different parts of his body and back until stopping moments later. Suddenly, the Anchor Arms engulf around his body, before exploding from the extreme pressure. After the air blows off, the popped Anchor Arms deflate, floating down.]
Crowd: Ooh...
Crowd attendee: Um... I think he lost.
Crowd: [starts chanting for Sandy] Sandy! Sandy! Sandy!
[SpongeBob's real arms reappear; Sandy walks up to SpongeBob and taps her foot, disappointed. SpongeBob walks away, leaving his destroyed Anchor Arms on the ground and follows Sandy to the treedome.]
SpongeBob: 96. 97. 98. 99. 100.
Sandy: I want 100 more.
SpongeBob: It hurts. [changes the channel over and over] 1. 2. 3. 4...
Sandy: I think we finally found an exercise for you, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: ...9. 10. [his arm falls off] Can you get that?
===''Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost'' [1.11b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': A grape fresh from the vine, your ghostliness. ''[drops grape into Squidward's mouth]'' A banana peeled to your liking, your incorporealness. ''[squeezes the banana into Squidward's mouth]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[drops watermelon into Squidward's mouth, who keels over due to the weight]'' One watermelon fresh from the manure fields, your spookiness.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, I have a confession to make. ''[takes off towel from his head]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' You're bald?!
:'''Squidward''': No, I'm not bald! I'm alive! Now get rid of that tombstone and tell all your friends to go home!
:'''SpongeBob''': But--
:'''Squidward''': Do it!
:'''SpongeBob''': Go home. ''[everyone leaves]'' But I, Master--
:'''Squidward''': I'm not your master, I'm your neighbor! Now do me a favor and stop doing me favors!
:'''SpongeBob''': As you wish, master.
:'''Squidward''': D'oh!
:'''Patrick''': Boy, he really had us fooled.
:'''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick. He's the fool. He's a ghost in denial. He needs us now more than ever!
:'''Patrick''': You're right. He really needs to get up to the great beyond.
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, say that again!
:'''Patrick''': That again.
:'''SpongeBob''': No, the other thing.
:'''Patrick''': No, the other thing.
:'''SpongeBob''': [annoyed] No, what you said before when you...
:'''Patrick''': No, what you said before when you...
:'''SpongeBob''': Never mind! I've got an idea.
:'''Patrick''': Never mind! I've got an idea.
==Episode 12==
===''[[w:The Chaperone (SpongeBob SquarePants)|The Chaperone]]'' [1.12a]===
:'''Pearl Krabs''': ''[walks up outside the ladies restroom]'' Sponge, are you okay?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[crying]'' Messed everything up.
:'''Pearl''': Don't worry SpongeBob, ya didn't mess everything up.
:'''SpongeBob''': '' Hot dog.''
:'''Pearl''': Actually, it was pretty funny when that hot dog landed in Judy's hair.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[crying]'' All I wanted was for you to have a good time.
:'''Pearl''': But I ''am'' having a good time! You know, we haven't finished our dance yet.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[whimpers]'' Can I still wear the wig?
:'''Pearl''': Yes, you can still wear the wig.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[runs out and grabs Pearl to the dance floor]'' Let's go!
===''Employee of the Month'' [1.12b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward. Hey, Squidward.
:'''Squidward''': Okay, I'll bite. What is it, SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': Do you know what today is?
:'''Squidward''': Annoy Squidward Day?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[laughs]'' No, silly. ''[gets out a calendar]'' That's on the 15th. ''[points to a picture of Squidward's head on the calendar]'' Today is the beginning of the judging for Employee of the Month.
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, don't you know that award is a scam?
:'''SpongeBob''': What do you mean?
:'''Squidward''': Mr. Krabs gives you that award, so you'll work harder for no extra money.
:'''SpongeBob''': That is not true, Squidward. He gives it to me because I work harder. You could win it too if you tried harder.
:'''Squidward''': Oh, for what? To get my face on the Wall of Shame? ''[shows wall full of SpongeBob pictures for being Employee of the Month]''
:'''SpongeBob''': No! ''[begins to cry for losing an award and falls on his knees]'' How could I have let the quality of my work slip so much?
:'''SpongeeBob''': An experienced employee of the month always keeps a [lifts up his Krusty Krab employee hat to reveal a silver brick of lead inside it] brick of lead in his hat.
:'''SpongeBob''': I won't let Squidward win. ''[the next shot is from SpongeBob's point of view. He sees Squidward setting his alarm clock, yawning and walking off]'' He can't go to work if he doesn't wake up. Target sighted.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[SpongeBob and Squidward are trying to drag along some big items. SpongeBob is dragging an anchor and Squidward is dragging a flaming boat.]''
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob? Truce? ''[both wave a white flag]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Truce.
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, I can't take it anymore. If we keep this up, neither of us will win the award!
:'''SpongeBob''': You're right. We should save our energy for work where we really need it. ''[it’s now dawn]''
:'''Squidward''': Okay, let's have a good clean fight.
:'''SpongeBob''': And may the better man win.
:''[They shake hands smiling]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[thinking] He's nothing but a lying, boneless, ink-squirting, big-nosed phony.''
:'''Squidward''': ''[thinking] Look at that bucktooth, corn-fed smile, you can't trust him as far as you can throw him.''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[thinking] As soon as he stops shaking my hand...''
:'''Squidward''': ''[thinking] ...I'm gonna make a run for it.''
:''[SpongeBob and Squidward stop shaking hands, laugh nervously, and hastily run for the Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs is opening it up.]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Money, money, gonna make some money! ''[sees SpongeBob and Squidward come running over]'' Ah, it warms me wallet to see me employees coming in so early. Boys, you're early. Huh? ''[realizes that they aren't stopping for anything]'' Wait! ''[both push Mr. Krabs out of the way and start doing nice stuff]''
:'''SpongeBob''': LOOK, MR. KRABS! CLEAN FLOORS!
:'''Squidward''': CLEAN TABLES, MR. KRABS! ''[presses too hard on the table while he is cleaning and breaks it in half]''
:'''SpongeBob''': CLEAN DISHES, MR. KRABS!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': What's going on here? ''[SpongeBob drops and breaks the dishes and mops them just like that]''
:'''SpongeBob''': IT'S MUCH MORE EFFICIENT TO CLEAN DISHES THIS WAY, MR. KRABS!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': No!
:'''Squidward''': FLOWERS AND CHOCOLATE FOR YOU, MR. KRABS!
:'''SpongeBob''': LOOK, I'M PUTTING MY OWN MONEY IN THE REGISTER, MR. KRABS! ''[SpongeBob puts his money into the register. Squidward and SpongeBob are in the kitchen]'' 2 SPATULAS TO INCREASE PRODUCTIVITY, MR. KRABS! FASTER, SPONGEBOB, FASTER!
:'''Squidward''': THERE'S NOTHING TO THIS PATTY FLIPPING, MR. KRABS! I'LL EASILY DOUBLE YOUR OUTPUT, SPONGEHOG!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Boys, boys, boys! ''[music gradually speeds up; both SpongeBob and Squidward make many patties to overflow the kitchen, cornering Mr. Krabs]'' Help! Help! ''[the amount of Krabby Patties fills up the kitchen and the Krusty Krab itself, causing the whole restaurant to explode, sending thousands of patties raining down in front of the citizens]''
:'''Dave''': Hey, free Krabby Patties!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[with his head bursting through one of SpongeBob's employee pictures]'' Wait, you've got to pay for those. Wait, wait, wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! ''[SpongeBob and Squidward come through the picture frame that Mr. Krabs is in and ask him who is the winner, while Mr. Krabs is still complaining about the Krabby Patties]''
:'''SpongeBob''': SO, WHO'S THE WINNER OF EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH?!
:'''Squidward''': ME, ME! IT'S ME! [SpongeBob and Squidward continue calling out simultaneously about who is the winner]
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Boys! Wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! Boys, wait! ''[the three continue to argue as the episode fades to black]''
==Episode 13==
===''[[w:Scaredy Pants|Scaredy Pants]]'' [1.13a]===
:'''French Narrator''': Halloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and sea monsters. ''[laughs evilly]'' Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone.
:''[At the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is washing dishes in the kitchen. The door creaks open and SpongeBob jumps in surprise.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Huh? Who's there?
:''[The door creeks open some more as SpongeBob goes back to washing some dishes. He turns around and sees 3 pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. SpongeBob speeds up the cleaning of the dishes until he finishes.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Ok, Mr. Krabs, the dishes are done, I’m leaving! ''[tries running out but Mr. Krabs stops him in his tracks]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Hold on! Don’t you want to hear my annual scary story?
:'''SpongeBob''': No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Aye, the worst monster of them all.
:'''SpongeBob''': Uhh... no. ''[opens the door then turns around]'' Is it a true story?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': True as the deep blue.
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay, maybe just a little.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Have a seat, me boy. ''[sits on a log. Mr. Krabs puts a campfire in the middle of them]'' Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Dutchman descends on Bikini Bottom, in a pirate ship, just like... this! ''[holds up a Krabby Patty]'' Only bigger!
:'''SpongeBob''': Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Like I was saying, The Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people’s souls. ''[holds up a pickle]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Do souls look like pickles?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Aye, as a matter of fact, they do. And he puts them where you can never get them...in his soul bag.
:''[Drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "soul" written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly while Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit.]''
:'''Squidward''': I’ve come for your pickle.
:''[SpongeBob sees Squidward from behind him and jumps up shrieking.]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Ha! Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! ''[he and Squidward both laugh]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Patrick''': ''[holds scissors in his right hand a has a puppet on his left hand]'' SpongeBob, look at my new paper ghost! Oooh, scary.
:'''SpongeBob''': That is it, Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': What’s it?
:'''SpongeBob''': What’s the difference between that ghost and me?
:'''Patrick''': ''[concentrates]'' No, no, no wait. Don't tell me. ''[concentrates more]'' D-don't tell me. DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN DO THIS! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! DON'T TELL ME! Okay, tell me.
:'''SpongeBob''': I have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, I’m scary.
:''[SpongeBob is now sitting on a chair in his bathroom. Patrick has goggles on.]''
:'''Patrick''': Okay, are you ready?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[shows paper ghost]'' Remember, like this.
:'''Patrick''': ''[razors off SpongeBob’s sides]'' Are you sure you want to do this?
:'''SpongeBob''': Shave me down, make me round!
:'''Patrick''': ''[uses one of SpongeBob’s sides to wipe off sweat from his forehead]'' Alright, let’s get to it.
: ''[Patrick razors off more of SpongeBob Cut to later, SpongeBob is now a round ghost]''
:'''SpongeBob''': What do you think?
:'''Patrick''': Perfect. Now that’s scary! ''[Patrick puts on his funny glasses]'' Let’s go scare somebody.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[after the Flying Dutchman runs away in fear, SpongeBob is shown entirely shaved, exposing his brain]'' Hey, what do you know? I scared him. ''[laughs; everyone else runs out of the Krusty Krab, screaming; walking outside with Patrick]'' It worked, Patrick! I scared everybody!
:'''Patrick''': Yeah, I guess it was your pink hat.
:'''SpongeBob''': Pink hat? Oh, that's not a hat, that's my brain.
:'''Patrick''': Oh... ''[runs away shrieking]''
:''[Screen goes to black, ending the episode]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[offscreen]'' Don't worry, it grows back.
===''[[w:I Was a Teenage Gary|I Was a Teenage Gary]]'' [1.13b]===
:'''Squidward''': ''[to SpongeBob]'' Would you ''please'' stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
:'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, could you watch Gary this weekend?
:'''Squidward''': What's a Gary?
:'''SpongeBob''': Not a Gary. Gary. He's my pet snail. ''[shows Gary to Squidward]'' Say hello.
:''[Gary hisses at Squidward and drools]''
:'''Squidward''': You actually care for that thing?
:'''SpongeBob''': I love Gary.
:'''Squidward''': Well, I don't. Get somebody else. ''[walks off]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I guess we can't go away this weekend after all, Patrick.
:'''Squidward''': ''[stops walking]'' Go away? ''[walks in reverse back to SpongeBob's Pineapple]'' You mean, if I watch Gary, you guys will be gone all weekend?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[while transforming into a snail]'' I take it back, Gary! Something is wrong with MEEEE-'''OWW!!'''
:''[Cuts to Squidward in his bed with his clarinet]''
:'''Squidward''': I hope I never see another snail again. Good night, Clary. ''[a knock is heard on the door and the doorbell rings]'' Who could that be? As if I didn't already know. ''[goes downstairs and answers the front door]'' SpongeBob, I already told you. You're gonna be just fiiiii-- '''Hiin...'''--- '''''AAAUGH?!'''''
:[attempts to say "fine", but hesitates and shouts almost hysterically]
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[now a snail]'' Meow.
:'''Squidward''': Aah!
:'''SpongeBob''': Meow! Meow!
:''[Squidward touches SpongeBob's left eye and it curls up. He screams again and runs back inside shutting the door]''
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob?! Oh, Neptune! What have I done? ''[picks up the snail plasma syringe]'' It's all your fault! ''[throws it away]'' Okay, okay, okay, okay, get it together, Squidward.
==Episode 14==
===''SB-129'' [1.14a]===
:''[After Squidward, being stuck in the freezer for 2000 years, appears in the future, the freezer's door falls over with Squidward stuck behind it. A robot descendant of SpongeBob named SpongeTron flies past it, then goes back to Squidward]''
:'''SpongeTron''': Holy Krabby Patties! A frozen cephalophod! ''[SpongeTron grabs a chrome hammer; from the hammer comes a red laser, which melts the ice and hits Squidward's buttocks; Squidward shouts]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[trancelike]'' I'll be out of here in no time.
:'''SpongeTron''': Greetings, primitive.
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob? Is that you?
:'''SpongeTron''': SpongeBob? No! ''[robot voice]'' I am SpongeTron. ''[normal voice]'' Welcome to the future!
:'''Squidward''': What?
:'''SpongeTron''': Welcome to the future!
:'''Squidward''': Uh, the future... ''[notices everything's chrome]'' Huh?! O-okay, uh, what's going on here? Why is everything chrome?
:'''SpongeTron''': Everything is chrome in the future!
:'''Squidward''': Wha...? ''[stammers and runs to look outside a window]'' Oh, my... ''[notices the chrome environment. The screen pans around the chrome environment]'' Impossible! He's lying!
:''[A flower pops up from underground, then a truck comes, Incidental 119 gets out of the truck, runs up to the flower, sprays it with chrome spray paint, then runs back in the truck and drives away. Squidward looks at the screen]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[looks away from the window]'' He's right!
:'''SpongeTron''': Of course I'm right, Squidward! Just ask my clones: SpongeTrons X, Y, and Z. ''[Squidward flinches as a trio of SpongeTron clones have suddenly appeared next to them]''
:'''Squidward''': Are the other letters of the alphabet involved here?
:'''SpongeTron''': Sure! All 486 of them!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Squidward''': ''[finding out he's in a blank background with colored-square tiles]'' He's not here. No more SpongeBob! No more! I may finally have found a place where I can be all alone! [''the word "Alone" appears, alongside some word balloons'']
:''[the word balloons saying "alone" became smaller]''
:'''Squidward''': I gotta get out of here! ''[panics, runs]'' Where's the time machine? Where's everything? Where? ''[stomps on the floor, falls into the time machine with the lever being fixed]'' I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I wanna go home! I miss Bikini Bottom! I miss my Easter Island head! I even miss SpongeBob! ''[right when Squidward says "SpongeBob," the time machine disappears and reappears in present time Bikini Bottom where SpongeBob and Patrick are still waiting for Squidward in front of his house]'' SpongeBob! Patrick!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Hi, Squidward.
:'''Squidward''': ''[rushed]'' I was in the future and then I was in the past, and there was ''nowhere'', and now, I'm back! And...you don't know how happy I am to see you guys.
:'''SpongeBob''': Does this mean you wanna go...
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ...jellyfishing?
:'''Squidward''': No! Who's the barnaclehead who invented that game anyway?
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''You'' are, Squidward.
:''[The scene cuts to the island of Bikini Bottom up above the sea while SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh offscreen]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[offscreen]'' I'm going back.
===''[[w:Karate Choppers|Karate Choppers]]'' [1.14b]===
[The episode begins with SpongeBob lurking around, heading home, looking for Sandy because they are playing karate. He suspects the pineapple of being Sandy.]
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! Oh, sorry, pineapple house. I thought you were someone else. [walks inside] Ah, what a great day at work. [hears something] Huh? Yeah! [tip toes over to the couch, but makes duck sounds as he tip toes. He realizes he is been stepping on three squeaky toy ducks, and in frustration, he kicks them away. Then he runs in front of his couch] I know you're back there, Sandy. And I also know that nobody can hide from Sponge... [jumps behind the couch and no one is there] ...Bob. [has his back to the couch while he squeezes his eyes through the couch looking for Sandy. When he thinks he has spotted her, he runs out from behind the couch and in front of the TV] I got you now! Hi-yah! [no one is there, so he sits on the couch and watches TV] Well, I guess the coast is clear.
TV: [shows a royal gramma fish] Yeah, shopping's weird. Did you ever go into the seafood aisle and say "Who eats this stuff"? [TV audience laughs]
SpongeBob: [laughs too] I love this show! [Sandy is sitting next to SpongeBob, due to the camera zooming out to show her]
Sandy: Me, too. [SpongeBob screams and begins to fight]
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [Sandy puts on her green karate gear]
Sandy: Hi-yah! [SpongeBob high-kicks in slow-motion]
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [Sandy runs off then drives forward, but SpongeBob jumps his upper half of his body to avoid Sandy] Uhh, just a second. [runs off, but returns with his red karate gear on] Safety first. [winks] And now, spin technique. [spins around and lunges towards Sandy]
Sandy: Hi-yah! Yah. [SpongeBob grabs her hand and spins her around]
SpongeBob: Double overhand squirrel knot. [turns her into a round knot and throws her through the door like a bowling ball]
Sandy: I'm gonna get you tomorrow, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: That'll be the day. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. [spins his arms and legs around. The scene fades over to nighttime at Sandy's treedome. Sandy hums while reading a book when the phone rings]
Sandy: Hello. [SpongeBob's arm tries karate to chop Sandy, but Sandy takes SpongeBob's hand and puts it through the phone to karate himself] Nice try, SpongeBrain. [hangs up phone. Bubble transition to the Barg'N-Mart grocery store, where Sandy is shopping when a box of Kelpo falls. She thinks it's SpongeBob, so she gets in her karate stance] Hah! [notices the box of Kelpo] Heh, silly me. [But when she walks a few more steps, SpongeBob is there in his karate gear]
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, have you ever heard the one about the squirrel and the tin cans?
Sandy: I don't think so.
SpongeBob: Well, it goes like this. [stretches his arm to ricochet off a shelf and the ceiling to come at Sandy] Oh, wait, I forgot the punch line. [his arm stops right before hitting Sandy] Oh, yeah. [hits the loose board on the floor, sending Sandy into a pile of tin cans. He laughs] That's a good one, isn't it? [bubble transition to SpongeBob walking down the road] What a beautiful day. Beautiful sky, beautiful plants. Hi, plants. Beautiful... [see a pile of tin cans on the ground] ...pile of cans. Mmm-mmm. Sandy, that is your worst disguise yet. [puts on karate gear]
Sandy: No it's not, SpongeBob. [shows him a squirrel mask] This is. [jumps in front of SpongeBob] Now, prepare for a long, merciless whooping. [grabs SpongeBob's tongue, stretches it out, and takes out a bottle of Volcano Sauce] Mmm, mmm. My favorite.
[SpongeBob whimpers in fear as a drop of hot sauce hangs over the edge of the bottle and Tom Kenny's face appears on the drop, laughing evilly. Cut to SpongeBob's confused face, then back to the drop.]
Volcano Sauce Drop: By the powers of naughtiness, I command this particular drop of hot sauce to be really, really hot!
[SpongeBob gasps.]
SpongeBob: Sandy, wait! [Sandy does] Victory is yours.
Sandy: [smirks] I knew you'd come to your senses, SpongeBob.
[Sandy drinks the bottle of hot sauce. While she is doing this, SpongeBob takes out his tongue revealing a label that says "Novelty Toy" and he wraps the fake tongue she was holding around her, strangles her body, and spins her into a tornado.]
SpongeBob: Yah.
[Sandy karate chops SpongeBob far away.]
Sandy: Hi-yah!
SpongeBob: Curses! [bubble transition. Now at the Krusty Krab, the line is very long]
Exasperated Customer: Oh, what is going on?
Fred: With extra cheese, to go.
Squidward: Three patties, four large oyster skins, on the double, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob is still wearing his karate gear]
SpongeBob: Oh yeah. Gotcha. [opens a door]
Squidward: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: What? [karate chops Squidward's face]
Squidward: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen. [throws two pieces of paper at SpongeBob] Now fill these orders or leave, SpongeBob. We're very busy today. [SpongeBob runs out of the kitchen with a tray of patties in his hands]
SpongeBob: Order up. [stops as he sees a customer karate chopping a fly. The customer turns into Sandy who is in her gear and winks at SpongeBob]
Squidward: SpongeBob, now are you gonna... [SpongeBob throws the tray backwards at him, causing the Krabby Patties to land on his head]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward, I was going through some records back in me office and... Huh? So, you got the hairpiece after all.
SpongeBob: Hi-yah!
Fred: [under the floor] My leg!
SpongeBob: Thought you could sneak up on me at work, did you? Well, you can't, ‘cause I'm fast, I'm mean, and I can do this. [does something with his hands] Ssss! [points at Fred, then walks backwards] Took care of her, yes I did. [bumps into a not happy Mr. Krabs and Squidward] Oh, ahoy, sir.
Mr. Krabs: What was that?
SpongeBob: But, sir, she snuck up on me. In my own dojo.
Mr. Krabs: Are you on some new allergy medication, boy?
SpongeBob: No, sir, just practicing my karate, sir, or kara-tay, as some call it.
Mr. Krabs: "Kara-tay"? You should be making me money-ay with your spatu-lay. Now get back to work.
SpongeBob: Ay-ay, capi-tay. Nice hairpiece, Squidward. [walks off. Later, the bubble transitions at closing time, and Squidward is mopping the floor]
Squidward: SpongeBob, did you get those bathrooms mopped yet? [SpongeBob is staring at his hands]
SpongeBob: Yes, ma'am, I mean, sir. I mean, boss. I mean, poobah.
Squidward: [frustrated] Go!
[SpongeBob walks into the bathroom with a mop and a bucket in his hands. He hears a sneeze, so he opens a door, but nobody is there.]
SpongeBob: Hah! [opens the next stall door and jumps in it] Sandy! [Mr. Krabs walks out of the stall with SpongeBob in his hand]
Mr. Krabs: No more.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs... [Mr. Krabs grabs a hold of SpongeBob's mouth]
Mr. Krabs: Shh! No more of this karate stuff, lad, or you're fired. [lets go of his mouth and walks away]
SpongeBob: [in high-pitched voice] Fired? [walks out] No more karate? How am I gonna tell Sandy?
Sandy: Hi-yah! [jumps at SpongeBob and starts karate chopping him]
SpongeBob: Sandy, wait, I can't! Mr. Krabs said I have to give up karate!
Sandy: [stops; doesn't believe him] Uh-huh, sure, SpongeBob. [karate chops him again]
SpongeBob: No, no, really, Sandy! Stop!
Sandy: [stops; still not believing him] I'm not falling for it, SpongeBob. [karate chops him even more]
SpongeBob: No, really! Please stop! [cut to inside and Mr. Krabs looks out the window]
Mr. Krabs: What the...? [walks outside] SpongeBob! [Sandy freezes in shock]
SpongeBob: [screams] Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What did I just get through telling you, lad?
SpongeBob: [stammers] But I, uhh, she...
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're fired!
Sandy: Huh?
SpongeBob: [shudders, in high-pitched voice] Fired? [his face swirls and gets smaller until it is not there anymore, sinking into his face and shuddering]
Mr. Krabs: Eh?
Sandy: SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob shudders and whimpers for about four seconds before his face reappears and he then bursts out crying and runs everywhere.]
Sandy: W-w-wait! Mr. Krabs, it's not his fault. It-it's mine. He tried to tell me, but... I-I wouldn't listen. [SpongeBob is crying into a cup and drinking his tears. Now he is flipping over and over around Sandy and Mr. Krabs] Give him another chance, please?!
Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. [grabs SpongeBob as he runs] All right, me boy, I'll give you a second chance. But no more karate! It's poisoning your mind. [sniffs Sandy] Mmm, mammals. [walks off]
Sandy: Aww, shoot, SpongeBob. I guess you ain't fibbing. [she and SpongeBob sigh] Aww, that game was getting old, anyway. It's not fun anymore. I mean, what's so fun about... [karate chops SpongeBob] ...this?
SpongeBob: [laughs, then suddenly stops] Nothing! Nothing is fun about that at all.
Sandy: We can find something to do that's at least nine times as fun.
SpongeBob: We can? I mean, sure we can. Yeah! Like we can, uh... [picks up a rock] We can squeeze things. [squeezes the rock and drops it] Whoo-hoo! How much fun was that?
Sandy: Almost some.
SpongeBob: I know. We can act like plants. [lies on the ground and opens and closes his legs and arms] Photosynthesis. Photosynthesis.
Sandy: Want to go to the park? [bubble transition to SpongeBob and Sandy in the park. SpongeBob is holding a basket in one hand]
SpongeBob: Karate sure is dumb.
Sandy: Yeah, you can say that again.
SpongeBob: I feel dumb just thinking about it. [puts the basket down and pretends to be Patrick] Duh! I'm stupid. I like karate. Doyeee...
Sandy: You like what?
SpongeBob: Not karate.
Sandy: Ha! I don't even know what that is.
SpongeBob: Me, too. I don't know what anything is. In fact...
Fisherman: [casting off his fishing rod] Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
SpongeBob: [giggles] For a second, that sounded like...
Sandy: Karate?
SpongeBob: Right now? I mean... No., what is this karate? [opens up the basket] Uhh, what do you want on your sandwich?
Sandy: Karate.
SpongeBob: What did you say?
Sandy: Uhh, mustard. Mustard. I want mustard on my sandwich. [takes out some bottle of mustard, barnacle loaves and pack of Krabby Patty buns in a picnic basket] There we go. [SpongeBob pulls out some barnacle loaf]
SpongeBob: How many slices of barnacle loaf do you want?
Sandy: One. Just one.
SpongeBob: One for you... [karate chops a slice off]
Sandy: Hmmm?
SpongeBob: And one for me! [chops off another slice in slow-motion]
Sandy: Ohh, uhh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Hmm?
Sandy: Maybe just one more. Uhh, I'm kind of hungry.
[SpongeBob brings out the barnacle loaf again.]
SpongeBob: Sure thing, Sandy. [lifts up his hand]
Sandy: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yeah?
Sandy: Do you think, umm... Do you think I could cut this one?
SpongeBob: Uhh, sure.
Sandy: Thanks. Hi-yah! [chops one slice] Is that enough?
SpongeBob: Maybe just one more. Or two.
Sandy: Or three.
SpongeBob: Or ten.
Sandy: Ten, yes, ten! Because we're really hungry!
SpongeBob: Right!
Sandy: Right!
SpongeBob: Right!
Sandy: Right! [chops off more slices and they fly everywhere]
SpongeBob: Time for buns! [throws a bunch of buns in the air and chops them in half]
Sandy: How about some tomatoes?
SpongeBob: And I'll cut the cheese. [both throw the cheese and tomatoes in the air while chopping them into a bunch of slices that land on the patties]
Sandy: And, what else should we slice? [SpongeBob grabs more buns]
SpongeBob: More buns!
Sandy: [grabs two heads of lettuce] And lettuce!
SpongeBob and Sandy: Yeah! [both slice up more food to complete their Krabby Patties and one of the buns lands on an earthworm]
SpongeBob: Phew. Making sandwiches sure is fun. Right, Sandy? [Sandy has a dazed look on her face] Right? I guess I'll eat one now. [reaches for a patty, but Sandy karate chops his arm with her green foam hand]
Sandy: You're mincemeat.
SpongeBob: [suddenly in his red karate gear] In your dreams! Hi-yah! [both start to karate and chop each other. The screen fades out then comes back in. The park is now a mess as buns are everywhere and trees, plants and rocks are split into two. Mr. Krabs is walking through the park, carrying an umbrella]
Mr. Krabs: Huh? What the barnacle...? [everything in the park is chopped in half. Sandy is chopping wood while SpongeBob rests on a rock]
SpongeBob: Do you think Mr. Krabs ever does karate?
Mr. Krabs: [clearing his throat to get SpongeBob's attention] Bleuhahugh!
SpongeBob: [screams] Mr. Krabs! [tries to hold a tree back in one piece] Uhh, hey, Mr. Krabs, how's it going? [holds the rock in one piece] Nice day, huh? [half of the tree falls on SpongeBob's head] Oh, all right, Mr. Krabs, you caught me. But you know what? I just can't help myself. You're just gonna have to fire me.
Mr. Krabs: Fire you? [grabs a couple Krabby Patties] I got something else in mind.
[Bubble transition back to the Krusty Krab, and SpongeBob and Sandy are karate chopping up Krabby Patties for the customers. Sandy is chopping up the meat and SpongeBob is chopping up the mustard squeezed in a bottle]
Sandy: I love karate!
SpongeBob: I love kara-tay!
Mr. Krabs: I love money-ay! [looks at the screen and holds some money]
Squidward: I hate all of you. [the episode ends]
==Episode 15==
===''Sleepy Time'' [1.15a]===
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[walks up to Gary's dream cloud]'' This must be Gary's dream. I'm gonna get a closer look. ''[jumps into the dream cloud. He falls down into a library]'' Whoa! Wow. Look at all these books. I wonder where Gary is. ''[walks past a pile of books]'' Gary! Huh? ''[sees Gary, who is now taller and wearing a cape, reading a book. He walks up to him]'' Excuse me, sir. Have you seen...?
:'''Gary''': ''[turns around and gasps]'' SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': Gary?
:'''Gary''': How dare you invade the sanctity of my dreams!
:'''SpongeBob''': Gary! You can talk!
:'''Gary''': ''[sighs]'' In dreams, one is not tethered by earthly limitations.
:'''SpongeBob''': What does that mean?
:'''Gary''': Come. ''[they walk down an aisle of books]'' For ages, dreams have been thought of as windows to another realm. ''[picks up a book and reads from it]'' "Let me not mar that perfect dream by an auroral stain, but so adjust my daily night that it may come again." Emily Dickinson wrote that.
:'''SpongeBob''': Who?
:'''Gary''': ''[flips a few pages]'' Here's one you might know. ''[clears throat]'' There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright in the middle of the night to find that his dream had come true.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[laughs]'' Gee, Gary, you sure are smart.
:'''Gary''': Did you think my shell was full of hot air?
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, thanks for the info, Gary. I'm going back to my own dream now. ''[starts walking away]''
:'''Gary''': Beware of your wandering eye, you little poriferan!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[jumps out of Gary's dream cloud and hops up onto his alarm clock to get into his own; sees Patrick's dream cloud outside the window]'' I wonder what Patrick's dreaming. ''[Patrick is stuck to the bottom of his rock, sucking his thumb and snoring. SpongeBob runs over]'' I can't resist! ''[laughs and jumps into the dream cloud. Inside, he opens a door to see Patrick rocking back and forth on a 25¢ kiddie ride amidst the blank, white scenery]'' Hey, Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': Hi, SpongeBob.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[walks over]'' You know, Patrick, this is a dream. You can do anything you want.
:'''Patrick''': Yup.
:'''SpongeBob''': I mean anything! Watch. I can turn into a skyscraper. ''[transforms into the shape of a skyscraper]'' Going up! Eh? ''[sees that Patrick is unresponsive and frowns, then perks up again]'' I can make... ''[changes back to his normal shape and size, this time with a million copies of himself]'' A million of me! Eh? Eh?
:'''Patrick''': Yup. ''[the SpongeBob clones disappear]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Ah, tartar sauce. I'm going to a different dream. ''[leaves]''
:'''Patrick''': Okay. Bye, SpongeBob. ''[kiddie ride comes to a halt; Patrick reaches into his pocket and pulls out another quarter and goes to put it in the slot, but accidentally drops it and it rolls away]'' Oh! ''[the quarter falls into a sewer grate]'' Shoot, that was my last quarter. ''[sits on the ride with a dull gaze]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[screams as he gets shot out of Mr. Krabs' dream cloud and into Plankton's dream on a building. The plunger is stuck onto a building]'' Hey, Plankton's dreaming about Bikini Bottom.
:'''Plankton''': Zap! ''[zaps a building near SpongeBob and fish: Incidental 93, Incidental 40, Incidental 86 come running out]'' I see you. ''[stomps up to another building, twenty times the size of his normal self]'' Zap! ''[shoots a green laser out of his eye]''
:'''Fred''': My leg!
:'''Plankton''': I see you. Zap!
:'''SpongeBob''': Plankton! ''[tries to get himself untied from the rope around his ankle]''
:'''Plankton''': I see you... ''[SpongeBob gets untied and drops to the ground]'' Zap! ''[zaps and disintegrates the building that SpongeBob was on, then walks to the Krusty Krab. People continue to: Fred, and Incidental 73 scream in panic]'' Oh look, it's the Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty. ''[stomps on it]'' Crush! ''[picks up the Krusty Krab sign and starts to lick it as if it was a lollipop and walks off]'' Lick, lick!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[as he runs around]'' This isn't a dream! This is a nightmare!
:'''Gary''': Meow! Meow!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[stops and looks. Appears more and more worried.]'' Gary! Gary! No!
:'''Gary''': Meow! ''[Plankton still coming towards Gary making giant step sounds]''
:'''Plankton''': Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
:'''SpongeBob''': Gary! ''[jumps over to Gary and hugs him]'' I've got you, Gary!
:'''Plankton''': Peek-a-boo! Here comes my foot! ''[stomps his foot on SpongeBob & Gary]'' YEAH! Huh? ''[lifts up his foot]'' '''YOW!'''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[suddenly turns into a pin]'' I think he’s got the point. ''[laughs]''
:'''Plankton''': ''[deflates and shrinks]'' '''''WHOA!'''''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[SpongeBob walks home into his own dream cloud where his real self is still sleeping]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Ah, that was fun and all, but it's good to be back in my own dream cloud. ''[goes to sleep]'' Ah... ''[wakes up after hearing his friends voices and faces hovering around his head]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[his head starts circling SpongeBob]'' SpongeBob! ''[the heads of Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, Pearl and Patrick start surrounding SpongeBob]''
:'''Heads of SpongeBob's friends''': SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[tossing and turning in his sleep]'' What do you want from me? Leave me alone! No, no... No, no, no, no, no, no! ''[Squidward nudged and tapped SpongeBob and he wakes up]''
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[screams, then sees his friends stand around his bed, except Patrick]'' Hey, what are you all doing in your pajamas? Are we having a slumber party?
:''[Scene now shows Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Gary, Plankton, and Pearl, who all look angry at SpongeBob.]''
:'''Squidward''': No. We are not having a slumber party!
:'''Sandy''': Do us all a favor, SpongeBob, and stay out of our dreams!
:'''All except Patrick''': ''[grumble in agreement]''
:'''Plankton''': Take a hike!
:'''Squidward''': Don't we get enough of you during the day?
:'''Gary''': ''[in anger]'' Meow!
:'''Patrick''': ''[walks in]'' Does anyone have a quarter? ''[all stare at Patrick]''
===''Suds'' [1.15b]===
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[thunder rumbles, Krabby Patties came falling down]'' It's raining Krabby Patties! ''[dream ends and reveals to be chewing on a pillow]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': I better take care of this before it gets out of hand. ''[calls Sandy]''
:'''Sandy''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello?
:'''SpongeBob''': Sandy, I'm sick. Can you escort me to the doctor's?
:'''Sandy''': Sure, SpongeBob. I'll be there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August-
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[on the phone]'' Okay Sandy, thanks! ''[sneezes through the phone]'' Achoo!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''SpongeBob''': Dr. Patrick, could you call Sandy for me? ''[gives Patrick the phone]''
:'''Patrick''': Sure, patient SpongeBob! ''[Patrick calls Sandy, who is about to head out for SpongeBob's place]'' Hello, Sandy?
:'''Sandy''': Hiya, Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': I'm calling on behalf of my patient, SpongeBob.
:'''Sandy''': I'm on my way over to take him to the hospital.
:'''Patrick''': Uhh, uhh, that will no longer be required! He is in my care as of today.
:'''Sandy''': Well, I'm coming over to take a look. I'll be over there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot-
:'''Patrick''': Oh, yeah, yeah, the rabbit. Don't bother, Sandy! [hangs up] SpongeBob, quick, Sandy's coming! We gotta make sure you're well, or she'll take ya to the doctor! ''[runs to the kitchen with rubber gloves on and dips them into the sink of water]'' Don't touch me, I'm sterile!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sandy''': Patrick, you open this door. ''[Patrick is rolling SpongeBob away]'' Patrick, sometimes I just don't understand you. ''[SpongeBob sneezes]'' Hey! ''[walks over to Patrick's house]'' Okay, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
:'''Patrick''': Uhh, uhh, he's not here at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.
:'''Sandy''': Okay, now tell me, ''[shows two rocks]'' since when do you have two houses?
:'''Patrick''': Since I ran out of space to put my stuff.
:'''Sandy''': Uh-huh, yeah. Since when does your house have feet? ''[SpongeBob's feet are sticking out of the other rock]''
:'''Patrick''': This is my mobile home. ''[SpongeBob sneezes the rock off]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Hiya, Sandy.
:'''Patrick''': ''[holding SpongeBob's hand]'' Hmmm, the dirt therapy seems to be working just fine.
:'''Sandy''': Patrick, SpongeBob has to see a real doctor.
:'''Patrick''': No, he doesn't! I'm taking good care of him! Show her, SpongeBob! Say 'ahh'.
:'''SpongeBob''': Ahh... ''[exhales a green gas that kills all the plants, clams, and everything else in its path]''
:'''Sandy''': See? He's even worse than I thought.
:'''Patrick''': ''[wearing a clothespin on his non-existing nose]'' What do you mean? He's fine. ''[Sandy snatches the clothespin off of his nose]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm okay, Sandy, really. ''[sneezes again, enlarging himself more]''
:'''Sandy''': I'm taking you to the doctor right now! ''[rolls SpongeBob away]''
:'''Patrick''': Hey, that's my patient! ''[runs over and pushes SpongeBob the opposite way]'' You can't take him to the doctor's!
:'''Sandy''': ''[rolling SpongeBob the other way again]'' Don't be silly, Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': ''[carrying SpongeBob the other way]'' He's mine! ''[Sandy is log rolling SpongeBob the opposite way]''
:'''Sandy''': SpongeBob, you'll be better soon. ''[Patrick is using a wheelbarrow for SpongeBob]''
:'''Patrick''': I'll save you! ''[Sandy is using SpongeBob as a basketball]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm better, guys! Really! ''[Sandy and Patrick both push him into each other, squeezing him until he launches into the air]''
:'''Sandy''': Now look what you've done, Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': What I've done? Everything was fine until you showed up!
:'''Sandy''': You should be arrested for impersonating a doctor!
:'''Patrick''': Hey! I'm a good doctor! Right, SpongeBob? ''[SpongeBob comes down and rolls away]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Guys!
:'''Sandy''': Huh?
:'''Patrick''': SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': I can't stop! ''[screams while he rolls down a hill]'' Help me! ''[Mr. Krabs is cleaning some dimes]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Shiny dimes.
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob? ''[runs out the front doors]'' Stop, SpongeBob! Stop...!
:''[SpongeBob stops just in time. Mr. Krabs sighs in relief until SpongeBob sneezes so hard that he releases a cloud of pink bubbles that fill the screen and destroy the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs glares at SpongeBob, who returns to his normal size.]''
==Episode 16==
===''Valentine's Day'' [1.16a]===
:'''Patrick''': Heart on stick, must die! ''[goes to the pole and tries to pick it up but can't; Patrick sees a little girl eating a heart-shaped lollipop]'' Heart on stick, must die. ''[grabs it, breaks it, and stuffs it in his mouth]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sandy''': Howdy, Patrick!
:'''Patrick''': ''[finally turns around]'' Hi, Sandy! ''[notices the giant chocolate balloon, then is confused and speaks gibberish]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Happy Valentine's Day, Patrick! ''[Patrick jumps for joy and jumps on the balloon]''
:'''Patrick''': Yay! My valentine! Hey, is this solid chocolate?
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, no! ''[Patrick bites the balloon and chocolate explodes everywhere. SpongeBob and Patrick are in the mess and Patrick forgets his anger]''
:'''Patrick''': Aw, SpongeBob... you didn't have to get me anything.
===''The Paper'' [1.16b]===
:'''Squidward''': Take it, SpongeBob! Take it, please! And promise me no matter how much I may beg, and plead, and cry... ''don't'' give that paper back to me, ''EVER!''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Squidward''': Well, you can't play music with a piece of paper. ''[plays 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' off-key. Little black musical note symbols fall out of the clarinet]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[applauding]'' Hooray! Hooray! That was great, Squidward. All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.
:'''Squidward''': What? I didn't play any wrong notes. ''[plays the song off-key again]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, see, you're playing it like this... ''[plays his piece of paper as the clarinet with the note symbols coming out]'' ...When ordinarily it goes like this. ''[plays the song on-key]'' I'm partial to doing it in the key of A-minor myself. ''[plays the song in high notes. A music sheet appears]'' Ah, nothing like a duet between buddies, eh, Squidward?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Squidward''': Wait, more impressions! A guy ''[angrily]'' throwing a piece of paper on the ground! ''[throws it on the ground]'' A guy stomping on the piece of paper ''[stomps on the paper, then picks it up and is upset]'' I'm a guy who traded everything he owns for a...
:'''Patrick''': ''[walks up to Squidward chewing gum]'' A worthless piece of paper. ''[grabs the paper]'' Hey, thanks, it's just what I needed, Squidward. ''[blows a gum bubble then puts the gum on the piece of paper and throws it behind him in the garbage can. Then he walks away, towards SpongeBob's house]'' Nice shirt, SpongeBob. ''[laughs]''
:''[The wind whistles.]''
:'''Squidward''': Anybody have any sunscreen? ''[The episode ends with a fade out to black.]''
==Episode 17==
===''Arrgh!'' [1.17a]===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Where could they be? They shoulda been here hours ago! Aargh, not a customer in sight. If I don't make any money today, I'll surely break out in a rash!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[offscreen]'' Yipee! I'm rich! Look, Patrick! Eight gold doubloons!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Wait! I saw it first! ''[leaps through the air and lands on the table where SpongeBob and Patrick are playing a game]'' Mine! Mine! ''[realizing]'' Huh?
:'''SpongeBob''': Boy, Mr. Krabs, you sure are sweaty.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I'll roll for you, boy.
:'''SpongeBob''': But, Mr. Krabs...
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[rolls the dice]'' 8 paces, north, that's a good start, lad.
:'''SpongeBob''': But, Mr. Krabs...
:'''Mr. Krabs''': One, two, three...
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[yelling in frustration]'' <big>'''''MR. KRABS! I WANNA GO TO BED!!!'''''</big> ''[pauses]'' Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry, but it's just a game, ya know?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': A game. That's right. Of course it is, my mistake. ''[picks up the game board and folds it in half]'' I guess I got a little carried away, eh? Though it is treasure we're dealing with here. Sorry, for disturbing ya, lad. ''[walks away while SpongeBob shuts the door; Morning arrives, and then the clam "rooster" crows everyone up]'' Avast! Pineapple, ho. Heave two, and prepare to be boarded.
:'''SpongeBob''': Aw, go home already. ''[gets out of bed and looks out the window]'' I'm done playing that game, Mr. Krabs.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': That's Captain Krabs to you, and this is no game. We're gonna be pirates.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[excited]'' Pirates?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Aye! How'd you like to go on a real treasure hunt, with a real treasure map?
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[Patrick appears from the side of SpongeBob's house]'' Treasure? ''[dancing around]'' We're gonna be pirates, we're gonna be pirates!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Ay, ay, ay. Belay that skipping. Pirates don't skip. ''[throws them a bag of pirate stuff]'' Put on this pirate garb, so I won't be embarrassed to be seen with ya. Arrgh.
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Patrick. Look! Peg legs and eye patches.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Now, don't you feel more like pirates?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[walks towards the plank using two peg legs]'' Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate! ''[falls on the plank]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[walks towards the plank with two separate eye patches covering his eyes]'' I'm Blindbeard the Pirate! ''[falls on SpongeBob]'' Ow.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[fade to ship sailing across in midair]'' Keep a sharp lookout, SpongeBob. According to the map, we're close to the first landmark.
:'''SpongeBob''': Really? Can we see the map?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh... no! Only the captain can lay eyes on the map.
:'''SpongeBob''': Okie dokie, then. ''[salutes]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Arrgh, a pirate doesn't say, "okie dokie, then." A pirate says, "arrgh!"
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh. Okie... oops. ''[laughs while a jellyfish flies by him]'' I mean... ''[standing up]'' arrgh! Captain Krabs. ''[as he looks backwards, his eyes widen as a giant rock is nearby]'' Captain, we're about to hit... uhh... I mean... arrgh, Capt., arrgh, we're, arrgh, about, arrgh, to hit, arrgh...
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Out with it man, arrgh!
:'''Patrick''': I, arrgh, think, arrgh, he's trying, arrgh, to say...! [crashes into the rock] land...
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Arrgh! From now on, only the captain says, arrgh! Status report, Mr. SquarePants?
:'''SpongeBob''': The whole ship is underwater, captain.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Arrgh, we're marooned then. Our treasure hunt will have to continue on foot.
:''[Bubble transition to the crew approaching a seaweed plant]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': This is it, boys, from the seaweed with two leaves on it. ''[the seaweed actually has three leaves]'' 10,000 paces east.
:'''SpongeBob''': But, Mr. Krabs, that seaweed has... ''[Mr. Krabs pulls a leaf off, leaving with two as he mentioned earlier]'' Which way, cap'n?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Ensign Patrick, which way is east?
:'''Patrick''': Uhh... let's see, uhh... ''[examines the compass needle, which shakily points north. He points what is presumably the wrong direction]'' That way, captain!
:''[Bubble transition to the crew walking the final few steps.]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': 9,997... 9,998... 9,999... 10,000! ''[no "X" is present]'' Where's the "X"? Supposed to be right here! 10,000 paces east.
:'''Patrick''': Ooh! '''''East'''''? I thought you said '''''"weast"'''''!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': '''''Weast?''''' What kind of compass you readin', lad?
:'''Patrick''': This one, sir.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[examines the compass]'' That's '''''west''''', Patrick. You're fired '''''again'''''.
:''[The scene fades to the crew walking again in the opposite direction, which they should've done in the first place thanks to Patrick's misreading]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': 9,551... 9,552...
:'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs, we're tired.
:'''Patrick''': And hungry.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, so this is my crew. You get a little tired, and a wee bit hungry, and you wanna shove off for home. Arrgh! That sickens me. ''[holds a wooden cutlass]'' A pirate is not judged by the notches in his cutlass, or the size of his booty. A pirate is judged by the loyalty ''[his eyes fill up with tears]'' of his crew. And without a loyal crew... ''[one of SpongeBob's eyes fill up with tears also]'' what am I captain of? Just a bunch of sand! ''[cries]''
:'''Patrick''': Don't cry, Captain Krabs.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[sniffles and crying]'' Yeah, we'll be your loyal crew. ''[both cry too]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': You'll stay with me then?
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': We'll be the most loyal pirate crew ever!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I knew I could count on you boys. ''[shows his claw]'' One for all!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[place their hands on top of Mr. Krabs's claw]'' And all for one!
:''[Bubble transition to nighttime as SpongeBob and Patrick sleep outside the tent, shivering]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm so loyal, I don't even mind sleeping on the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his warm, dry tent.
:'''Patrick''': I'm so loyal, I haven't bathed in weeks.
:'''SpongeBob''': But we've only been out for a few hours.
:'''Patrick''': I know. ''[chuckles]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[moves away]'' I'm so loyal, I don't wanna sleep till we find the treasure. Let's go see if the captain will go now!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[entering the tent]'' Captain Krabs?
:'''SpongeBob''': He's not here.
:'''Patrick''': Look! The treasure map.
:'''SpongeBob''': Only the captain can look at the map, Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': ''[walks toward the map]'' Yeah...
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what are you doing?
:'''Patrick''': Nothing.
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, you're not supposed to look at the map. ''[Patrick pokes at the map]''
:'''Patrick''': I'm not looking, I'm touching. There's no rule against that, is there?
:'''SpongeBob''': No, guess there isn't. ''[both poking the map, until it opens]'' Oops! Patrick, it opened by itself. ''[both giggle. Their eyes enlarge and search the map]''
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': The map, the map, the map, I gotta see it, I gotta look at it. ''[their eyes freeze for a second and then pop back in their heads; their eyes become black]''
:'''Patrick''': SpongeBob?
:'''SpongeBob''': Yeah?
:'''Patrick''': Did you notice something familiar about this map?
:'''SpongeBob''': You mean, like that it's our game board taped to a piece of paper?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[appearing right behind them and angry]'' Do ya think this is a problem?
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[screaming]'' Mr. Krabs!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': So, sneaking peeks at me treasure map?
:'''Patrick''': We're sorry.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': That's mutiny on my ship. So you think old Captain Krabs has gone crazy, do ye?
:'''SpongeBob''': Not at all, Captain Krabs. We don't think that at all!
:'''Patrick''': I think that.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I'm gonna throw ya overboard for saying that!
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick both kneel and beg for mercy, before realizing that the "X" symbol is underneath them]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' Look! It's the "X."
:'''Mr. Krabs''': ''[eyes turn into "X" like symbol]'' "X" marks the spot!
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow! That game really is based on a real treasure map.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Well, what are you waiting for, lads? ''[SpongeBob and Patrick both start digging]'' Dig! Dig! ''[the scene fades to minutes later]'' Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig.
:'''SpongeBob''': We got it, Captain Krabs.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Ha, ha. Hand it up to me, lads. Heave! ''[brings the treasure up]'' We finally found it. ''[opens up the treasure chest]''
:'''Female Chorus''': The Flying Dutchman's Treasure!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Wow!
:'''SpongeBob''': What are you gonna do with your share, Patrick?
:'''Patrick''': I don't know. How are you gonna spend your share, SpongeBob?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': What shares? You're not gettin' any of my treasure!
:'''SpongeBob''': We found it together. So we deserve a share!
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Well, I'm the captain. And I say it's mine!
:'''SpongeBob''': What about loyalty?
:''[All three are now fighting over the treasure chest]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': All for one.
:'''SpongeBob''': And one for all.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': All for one.
:'''SpongeBob''': And one for all.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': All for one.
:'''SpongeBob''': And one for all.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': All for one.
:'''SpongeBob''': And one for all.
:'''Flying Dutchman''': ''[sleeping]'' I'm the Flying Dutchman. I'm the Flying Dutchman. ''[wakes up]'' Who dares wake up the Flying Dutchman? Keep it down will ya? I'm tryna get some sleep. ''[noticing them fighting over the treasure chest]'' Huh?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': All for one.
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': One for all.
:''[Lightning strikes]''
:'''Flying Dutchman''': Who dug up the Flying Dutchman's treasure?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': They did! ''[shoves the chest toward SpongeBob and Patrick]''
:'''Flying Dutchman''': ''[picks up the treasure chest]'' Arrgh! So you two scallywags dug up me treasure?
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': ''[hugging each other in fear]'' Uh-huh!
:'''Flying Dutchman''': Well, you saved me a lot of digging ya did. So here's a reward for the two of ya's. ''[gives SpongeBob and Patrick two gold doubloons]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Wow!
:'''Female Chorus''': Two gold doubloons!
:'''[SpongeBob and Patrick take the doubloons and the Flying Dutchman puts away his treasure chest in his pocket]'''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Wait! I'm captain of this crew! Where's my reward?
:'''Flying Dutchman''': Hmm, I guess you're right. A little somethin' for your trouble. ''[flicks something to Mr. Krabs]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold! ''[a tiny plastic treasure chest]'' Huh? Why, it's just a little plastic treasure chest!
:'''Female Chorus''': Plastic!
:'''Flying Dutchman''': Aye, but it's based on a real treasure chest. ''[laughs evilly; turns into green smoke and vanishes]''
:'''Patrick''': Gee, Mr. Krabs, you're looking all sweaty again.
:'''[The episode ends]''
===''[[w:Rock Bottom (SpongeBob SquarePants)|Rock Bottom]]'' [1.17b]===
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick are stranded in Rock Bottom]''
:'''SpongeBob''': It sure is weird around here. Kind of different. Even the soil looks different. ''[scoops up a handful of soil]''
:'''Soil''': Would you ''[blows raspberry]'' mind ''[blows raspberry]'' putting me down? ''[SpongeBob shakes it off as he gasps]''
:'''Patrick''': SpongeBob, I don't like it here. It's dark and scary. I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. Look, I can't even tell the bathrooms apart! ''[bathroom doors have the "?" on one door and the "¿" on the other]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Uhh, that's an easy one, Patrick. We just wait for somebody to come out and then you'll know. ''[Incidental 200 comes out the "¿" door. Patrick gasps]'' Maybe we should wait for one more. ''[Incidental 214 comes out of the "?" door. Incidentals 222, 204, and 201 come out the "¿" door]''
:'''Patrick''': I still can't read the sign! I wanna go home!
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': I guess Grandpa SquarePants was right. Never run for a bus ''[imitates Grandpa SquarePants]'' especially one that's going up at a 90-degree angle.
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm gettin' hungry. Glove candy dispenser. Good thing I went to Glove World. ''[squeezes out tiny glove candies onto his tongue, then spits them out]'' Ew, glove flavored. Hey, what's that? [a Kandy vending machine is shown across the road] A candy machine. [rubs his tummy] Mmm, kelp nougat crunch. Mmm... [checks each side of the road to see if a bus is coming] I'm not leaving this spot no matter what! [his stomach growls again] I'll only be gone a second. [runs over to the machine. While getting out a quarter, a bus drives up. Runs back across to bus] Hey! [the bus drives off] Ooh! [His stomach growls a third time. SpongeBob takes a few steps across the road and turns around to check for the bus. Takes a few more steps and checks again. Gets to the candy machine and takes out the quarter. Before inserting it, he checks for a bus. There's no bus so he puts in the quarter but a bus DOES come and drives off.] Wait! [Now he checks to his left down the road and decides to sprint across and get some candy. Pushes some buttons and checks for the bus. The candy is slowly coming down] Come on, come on! [candy drops to the bottom. SpongeBob grabs for it, but a bus drives up and then drives off. SpongeBob gets angry. He reaches for the candy but a bus comes up. Every time he reaches for the candy, the bus drives forward but when he pulls his arm away, the bus drives backwards. So he decides to leave the candy and run after the bus, but the bus drives off before he can get there. Incidental 222 comes up and takes the candy] Hey! That was mine! [walks over to the candy machine. Three more buses drive up and drive off while he's over there so he decides to run back. No more buses come, so he shakes the bus sign angrily] Barnacles! Alright, that's it! No more mister nice guy!
:''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob at the Kandy machine staring at it and a bus drives up. Another SpongeBob tip-toes up, but the SpongeBob at the candy machine falls over revealing it to be made of cardboard. The bus drives off.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Tartar sauce!
:''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob as a bus stop bench. A bus drives up but drives off after it notices the SpongeBob bench]''
:'''SpongeBob''': [morphs back to his original shape] Fish paste!
:''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob walking into the bus station.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm getting to the bottom of this, right now! I want a bus to Bikini Bottom! I am first in line, and no one is gonna tell me otherwise! [sees Incidental 220 standing behind him already in line] Okay, second! I am second in line! [sees Incidental 206 already in line] Okay, third is good! [Incidental 205 is already in line] Fourth, not bad.
:''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob at the end of the line behind Incidental 221.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Okay, 329. I am 329th in line and nobody forget it! [Incidental 221 inflates herself like a balloon and spits out a giant egg on SpongeBob's head with the number 329 on it and blows a raspberry.]
:'''Window Attendant''': Next. [raspberry]
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, at least the line is moving. [everyone steps forward. The 329 egg hatches three baby fish that jump in front of SpongeBob, thus making him remain 329th in line. SpongeBob gets extremely furious. He lets out an angry growl.] Tartar sauce! (repeatedly) [SpongeBob hides inside his clothes and goes ballistic. Then comes out and everyone staring at him turns around]
:'''Window Attendant''': [time is going fast. raspberry] Next. [raspberry] Next. [raspberry. SpongeBob is sleeping] Next. [raspberry] Next!
:'''SpongeBob''': [wakes up] Huh?
:'''Window Attendant''': Next... [raspberry]
:'''SpongeBob''': Finally! Yes, I'm next! [runs up to the window] When is the next bus to Bikini Bottom?
:'''Window Attendant''': What? [raspberry]
:'''SpongeBob''': The bus schedule. The next bus.
:'''Window Attendant''': [reveals himself as Incidental 222] I can't... [raspberry] understand... [raspberry] your accent. [raspberry]
:'''SpongeBob''': The next bus... [raspberry] to Bikini... [raspberry] Bottom. [long raspberry]
:'''Incidental 222''': Ohh. [raspberry] Why didn't you say so? [raspberry] Next bus leaves in... [raspberry] five seconds. [the bus leaves] Ohh, tough luck, kid. [raspberry] That's the last one 'til morning. [raspberry]
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, [raspberry] no... [raspberry] you don't! [raspberry]
:'''Incidental 222''': Goodnight! [puts a closed sign up]
:'''SpongeBob''': Hold it, I'm not through here! [raspberry] Do you hear me? [raspberry] I demand you come back and give me a bus to Bikini Bottom right now! Until then, I am not leaving this spot! [gives three raspberries. Lights turn off. SpongeBob laughs nervously] Okay, like I said, I'll be right here when you get back. At this spot. In the dark. By myself. With no one around. Except my glove light! [turns on the light] Ah, that's better.
:''[The glove light buzzes with a spark fuse and it stops working; short pause.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': This isn't your average everyday darkness. This is... advanced darkness. Hey! [closes his eyes] If I close my eyes, it doesn't seem so dark.
:''[A raspberry is heard in the distance; he opens his eyes]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Who's there?! [walks down the road] Well, I guess that spot will be there tomorrow. I better just keep walking. [hears another raspberry] Running. Better start running. Running. Running. [hears another raspberry] Sprinting! Yes! I just gotta keep sprinting! [runs into the 90-degree angle road. Sits down with scallops flying around his head] Sitting, sitting. Bleeding. [hears noise] Hey, who's there? [hears another raspberry] Okay, that's enough! [hears another raspberry] Don't come closer! [hears another raspberry] I'm warning you! [hears another raspberry] I'm a sponge! [a red light shines around SpongeBob. It's Bert from earlier] Oh, it's only you. [Bert ties the white balloon to SpongeBob's wrist] Well, that solves my balloon problem, but I have a bigger problem. [Bert begins blowing the balloon bigger] I'm kinda stuck here. I need to catch a bus to get home. You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you? Balloon... [raspberry] has... [raspberry] enough... [raspberry] air... [raspberry] thanks. [gives a few more raspberries as he is floating up] Hey, I get it, balloon travel! Thank... [raspberry] you! [raspberry]
:'''Bert''': You're welcome! [SpongeBob continues to float while leaving Rock Bottom.]
:''[Bubble transition to Bikini Bottom as SpongeBob passes by an "Entering Rock Bottom" sign on the way up, still with the balloon tied to his wrist. He floats past downtown Bikini Bottom on the way to his home.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Ah, home at last. [the balloon pops]
:'''Patrick''': [riding another bus to Rock Bottom] Don't worry, SpongeBob, I'm coming back for ya! [The bus passes by his, Squidward's, and SpongeBob's houses as the episode bubble transitions to the end.]
==Episode 18==
===''Texas'' [1.18a]===
:''[After Sandy sings a song about returning to her home, Texas]''
:'''Patrick''': Do you think she knows the muffin man song?
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, she sang that song from her heart. She really misses Texas.
:'''Patrick''': Well, let's get some Texas and bring it down here.
:'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, we can't-- ''[comes with an idea]'' That's it! Patrick, your genius is showing.
:'''Patrick''': ''[frantically covers himself]'' Where?
<hr width=50%>
:'''Patrick''': What’s so great about dumb old [[w:Texas|Texas]]? ''[the bus suddenly speeds back; the doors open revealing Sandy with an angry look on her face]''
:'''Sandy''': What did you say?
:'''Patrick''': Texas is dumb.
:'''Sandy''': Don't you dare take the name of Texas in vain! ''[the bus drives off again]''
:'''SpongeBob''': You mean we can't say anything bad about dumb old Texas?
:'''Sandy''': No, you can't!
:'''Patrick''': Oh, then can we say people from Texas are dumb?
:'''Sandy''': No! You can't say nothin' about Texas!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh, so we shouldn’t say anything bad about Texas. ''[turns and shakes his rear end]''
:'''Sandy''': ''[blushes angrily]'' I'm warning you, SpongeBob!
:'''SpongeBob''': Look, Patrick, I'm Texas! Duh, howdy, y'all! Howdy y'all!
:'''Patrick''': I'm Texas, too. Git a dog, little longie! Git a [[w:dog|dog]]!
:'''SpongeBob''': Howdy y'all!
:'''Patrick''': Git a dog, little longie! Git a dog!
:'''Sandy''': Y'all best cut it out!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[while Patrick does armpit farts]'' The stars at night are dull and dim, whenever they have to be over dumb old stupid Texas! ''[Sandy gets steaming mad. SpongeBob turns into the shape of Texas]'' Hey, Patrick, what am I now?
:'''Patrick''': Uh, stupid?
:'''SpongeBob''': No, I'm Texas!
:'''Patrick''': What’s the difference? ''[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]''
:'''Sandy''': ''[drops suitcases]'' Y'all best apologize, or I'm gonna be on you like ugly on an [[w:ape|ape]]!
:'''SpongeBob''': You'll have to catch us first! ''[he and Patrick run off]'' We did it! We got her!
:'''Patrick''': Krusty Krab, here we come! ''[turns head around to Sandy]'' Can we say that [[w:plant|plants]] from Texas are dumb? Can we say that [[w:shoe|shoes]] from Texas are dumb?
:'''SpongeBob''': Ok, Patrick... that's enough.
:'''Patrick''': Why? Do you think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna...? ''[...catch up, which she is. And fast. Patrick's eyes bug out as he screams]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Run faster, Patrick!
:''[Both of them scream as they run and go around each side of a huge rock. Sandy crashes right through the rock, obliterating it, and walks while twirling a lasso. Her shoe engulfs the screen, Sandy lassoes Patrick and brings him into the background]''
:'''Patrick''': Aah! SpongeBob!
:''[A nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears. SpongeBob screams. SpongeBob stops in front of a leaf and shakes as Sandy karate chops the leaf and SpongeBob in half]''
:'''Sandy''': Hi-yah! ''[SpongeBob jumps with his halves and he gets back together]'' Y'all gonna take back what ya said!
:'''SpongeBob''': No! Almost there...! ''[runs toward the Krusty Krab. Sandy's lasso turns into the shape of SpongeBob; SpongeBob squeals when he sees this. As he jumps for the Krusty Krab, Sandy throws her lasso. SpongeBob hangs onto the door as Sandy pulls him towards her]''
:'''Sandy''': SpongeBob! You've been messing with the bull! Now here come the horns!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[grunts]'' Sandy, no!
:''[The front of the Krusty Krab tears off as Sandy has pulled tight enough, revealing a "Happy Texas" party inside]''
:'''Everyone''': Howdy, y'all!
:'''Sandy''': What's this?
:'''SpongeBob''': It's a party!
:'''Patrick''': ''[hops over to the Krusty Krab, hogtied and covered in bandages]'' For you!
:'''Sandy''': For me?
:'''SpongeBob''': It's your own little slice of Texas! Check it out, Sandy! We got [[w: square dancing|square dancing]] giant [[w: barbecue|Barbecues]] homemade [[w:peas|peas]]-in-a-can pie and we got our very own 10 gallon hats! ''[Flats is holding a square; Pearl is holding a pie with a can of peas in it]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[holds a sharp, spiky Q]'' Ow.
:''[SpongeBob and Patrick put ten gallon water jugs on their heads]''
:'''SpongeBob''': So, what do you think? Are you gonna stay?
:''[Sandy starts to laugh and tears of laughter spew out and fill her helmet. Everyone frowns as they mistake Sandy's laughing for crying]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Don't cry anymore, Sandy, I'll go get your bags.
:'''Sandy''': ''[takes out the flusher handle, attaches it to her helmet and flushes the water out again]'' I'm not crying, I'm laughing! I appreciate what y'all are trying to do, SpongeBob, but home isn't about barbecues or pecan [[w:pie|pies]], home is where you're surrounded by critters that care about ya. ''[Everyone gathers around Sandy]''
:'''Sandy''': Huh? Duh. What am I doin'? I was home all along, and it took me until now to realize it.
:'''SpongeBob''': Does that mean you'll stay?
:'''Sandy''': I'm staying! ''[everyone cheers, except Squidward]''
:'''SpongeBob''': That makes me feel all wiggly.
:'''Patrick''': Yeah, who needs dumb old Texas? ''[cheering stops; the scene cuts back to the Bikini Atoll]''
:'''Sandy''': What did you just say?
:'''Patrick''': Should I start running now?
===''[[w:Walking Small|Walking Small]]'' [1.18b]===
:'''Plankton''': But it's becoming increasingly obvious. I can deny it no longer! I am small.
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[sees Plankton crying while he sitting on a bench with two ice cream cones]'' Plankton, what are you doing here and why are you crying?
:'''Plankton''': ''[tearfully; blows his nose on a tiny handkerchief]'' Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I'm crying because I've got these two ice cream cones, but I only need one! I don't know what to do with the other one! ''[sobbing]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, what about an airline food?
:'''Plankton''': What?
:'''SpongeBob''': Airline food! My gosh, what is up with that stuff? ''[Showtime fill music appears]'' ''Thank you, good night!'' See, I can be a stand up guy. See?
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[finds out that Plankton used him for his evil plan; gasps]'' "Mega Bucket"?! You used me for ''land development!'' That wasn't nice!
:'''Plankton''': Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world! ''[laughs evilly]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Well, what about aggressively nice people?
:'''Plankton''': Huh? What are you doing? ''[SpongeBob brings out the hot dogs in the hot dog stand, he ate earlier and puts them back where they belong. Then he puts the kites back where they were]'' Wait, SpongeBob! Stop! ''[a girl is crying because she has sand on her ice cream. SpongeBob takes it and wipes the sand off with his eyelashes]'' Butterfly kisses... Can't take it... It's too cute... It's-it's disgusting! ''[Scooter is crying at his broken surfboard]''
:'''SpongeBob''': What happened? ''[points to surfboard]''
:'''Scooter''': I hit a reef with my new board, dude!
:'''SpongeBob''': No problem! ''[shapeshifts into a surfboard]''
:'''Scooter''': Whoa! ''[grabs the surfboard]'' Killer!
:'''Plankton''': SpongeBob, stop! Before it's too late! Your kindness is bringing everybody back! ''[everyone comes back]'' Get back! Wait! ''[everyone, on their way back to the beach breaks through the construction barriers, trample and squish Plankton underfoot]'' Ouch! Ow! Ow! No! Ooh!
:'''Scooter''': ''[is surfing with SpongeBob]'' Cowabunga! ''[he and SpongeBob arrive back to shore]'' Thanks, dude! That was awesome! ''[just then, Plankton begins straining and weeping]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Gee, Plankton, I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket.
:'''Plankton''': Forget about that. I just can't take so much kindness in one sitting. ''[bunches up into a ball]'' NEED... HATRED... ''[crawls away]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Volleyball, anyone? ''[everyone uses SpongeBob as the ball]'' Serve up! ''[laughs]'' Ouch! ''[laughs]'' Ouch! ''[laughs]'' Ouch!
==Episode 19==
===''[[w:Fools in April|Fools in April]]'' [1.19a]===
:''[Gary snoring and meowing]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Wake up, Gary!
:'''Gary''': ''[wakes up]'' Meow?
:'''SpongeBob''': We're moving today!
:'''Gary''': ''[quizzically]'' Meow? ("We are?")
:'''SpongeBob''': That's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become peasants! ''[puts on a hat and a fake beard]''
:'''Gary''': Meow? ("Peasants?")
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[takes Gary's bowl away]'' No more food. ''[gives Gary a plate with clams on it]'' Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clam shells.
:''[SpongeBob seasons the shells with salt as Gary starts crying.]''
:'''SpongeBob''' ''[takes off the peasant mask]'' April Fools! ''[puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor]'' There you go, pal.
:'''Gary''': Meow.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[goes into the kitchen]'' Whew, I'm thirsty! ''[opens the fridge and takes a giant pitcher of lemonade out of it] '''This is an extreme thirst!''' [sets the lemonade down on the floor, causing the floor to shake a little]''
:''[Bubble transition to SpongeBob putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas.]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[normal voice]'' Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all these drinks! April Fools! ''[holds up a mirror]'' To me.
:''[SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously, leaves his home and goes to work. Squidward sees him walking next to his house.]''
:'''Squidward''': What's he so happy about? (I mean, what's today anyhow?) ''[walks by the calendar and panics when he notices it's...] "April 1st"!? ''[yells]'' April Fools Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Tom''': Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
:'''SpongeBob''': Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! ''[walks off and then returns with the drink]'' Here you go.
:'''Tom''': Thanks. ''[drinks his lemonade]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[giggles with every sip, and Tom finishes his drink; laughing]'' April Fools!
:'''Tom''': What did you do to my drink?
:'''SpongeBob''': I-er, I-er...
:'''Tom''': You what?!?!
:'''SpongeBob''': You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! ''[laughs]''
:'''Tom''': Hey, I guess that is kinda funny.
:'''Squidward''': Ugh, that's it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks. I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about.
<hr width=50%>
:''[The bubbles transition to Squidward squirting some mustard inside a rope circle then he chuckles and shows SpongeBob the mess]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, boy! Something for me to clean up. ''[starts cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut]''
:'''Squidward''': April Fools! ''[laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Whoa! ''[the rope sends him into some bags of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this and rolls on the floor. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar]'' Whoa! Blblblblblblbl... ''[yells as he is sent slamming face-first into the wall]''
:'''Customers''': Oh, no!
:''[Squidward's eyes pop out as he laughs hysterically. SpongeBob flies into Bubble Bass' rear]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Whoa! ''[The scene cuts to Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling]''
:'''Squidward''': ''[runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob]'' I'll catch you, SpongeBob. ''[giggles to himself. SpongeBob shouts as he plummets toward Squidward, who quickly sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the can]'' Oops. ''[dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can]'' April Fools, you little sausage. ''[laughs]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Awww! ''[starts to cry and runs out of the Krusty Krab]''
:'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, I was just kidding. C'mon, c'mon. You guys know I was just kidding... Right?
:'''Incidental 37B''': Aww, man, poor kid.
:'''Incidental 45''': That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. ''[the customers angrily glare at Squidward as they begin to leave]''
:'''Incidental 71''': April Fools, jerk. ''[all the customers storm out the door in disgust as Squidward starts to look upset by their reaction]''
:'''Squidward''': Wait, don't go.
:'''Man''': Hey, you stink!
:'''Squidward''': Wait, wait, wait. It was a joke! Uh-huh... ''[looks around at the mess he has made and winces, then he looks at Bubble Bass, who has a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward starts to feel ashamed of himself]'' Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. ''[makes silly face]'' Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- ''[throat goes haywire]'' gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
:'''SpongeBob''': What would we do with Squidward?
===''Neptune's Spatula'' [1.19b]===
:''[The episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick browsing through Fry Cook Museum, "ooh"ing and "aah"ing at every rare item they see]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Behold the ultimate cooking utensil, the golden spatula!
:''[Larry tries to pull the spatula out]''
:'''Patrick''': Hey, SpongeBob, look what it says here. ''[reads plaque]'' Many have tried to pull the spatula from this ancient grease, but all have failed.
:''[Larry grunts as he fails and flies backwards. The golden spatula springs back into place]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Only a fry cook worthy of King Neptune himself can wield the golden spatula.
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Wow!
:'''SpongeBob''': Oh, oh, oh, oh! Take a picture of me and the spatula! ''[runs up to the spatula and grabs the handle]'' Okay, I'm ready! ''[Patrick is about to take a picture]''
:'''Miss Shell''': Excuse me, do you know where the menu section is?
:''[Patrick gets confused and drools]''
:'''Patrick''': Uhhh...
:'''SpongeBob''': Menu section? That's easy, it's over that way. ''[points to the menu section, accidentally pulling the spatula out, and gray clouds appear above him]'' Uh-oh.
:'''Miss Shell''': ''[deep voice]'' Holy smokes! ''[runs away]''
:'''Patrick''': Rude. Hey, the light changed.
:'''SpongeBob''': Uhh, Patrick... ''[Lightning bolts strike]''
:'''Patrick''': Hold on, almost there. ''[takes a picture. The clouds open as King Neptune appears]''
:'''King Neptune''': Yes, yes, at last! Someone worthy of being the royal fry cook. Who has freed the spatula from the grease?
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[nervous]'' Uhh, I did, Mr. Neptune, sir. SpongeBob SquarePants.
:'''King Neptune''': ''[laughs]'' A fine jest, boy. You are but a lowly yellow sponge. ''[As King Neptune insults SpongeBob each time, SpongeBob goes droopier, 3x]'' Puny, insignificant, a commoner. Therefore, you could never be fry cook to a god and this is why it is funny! ''[laughs]'' Now step aside as I seek out the true fry cook. ''[searches for the real spatula taker]'' No, no. Mmm-hmm, you're too short, no... ''[soon comes up to a hot dog stand]'' Ah!
:'''SpongeBob''': But, but...
:'''King Neptune''': A purveyor of foods. ''[chuckles]'' Yes, you must be my new fry cook.
:'''Hot Dog Vendor''': Uhh, sorry, King Neptune. I don't make them. I just sell them.
:'''King Neptune''': Then who pulled out the spatula?
:'''Hot Dog Vendor''': Uh, he did. ''[points to SpongeBob]''
:'''King Neptune''': ''[everyone laughs with Neptune]'' It is even funnier a second time! ''[destroys the hot dog stand with his fist]'' You there, crustacean!
:'''Larry''': Who, me?
:'''King Neptune''': You have the physique of Atlas!
:'''Larry''': ''[laughs]'' Thanks, I work out.
:'''King Neptune''': ''[laughs]'' Make poses with me!
:'''Larry''': Okay!
:'''Larry and King Neptune''': ''[show off their muscles]'' Body slam! ''[body slams each other]''
:'''King Neptune''': You pulled the spatula from the grease!
:'''Larry''': Nope, that was SpongeBob.
:''[SpongeBob smiles]''
:'''King Neptune''': This joke has gone far enough! Where's my fry cook? ''[everyone runs away except Patrick]'' Certainly you with your prodigious girth would know who can flip a burger to suit a royal palate! ''[Patrick points to SpongeBob]'' What?! Am I expected to believe this creature is royal fry cook material? I don't suppose you have any proof? ''[Patrick shows the photo he took of SpongeBob holding the spatula]'' Ha! This thing is unfit to even scrub the royal tail fin! And besides, it's not just enough to pull a spatula from a greasy griddle. There are certain... qualities that a royal fry cook must have.
:'''SpongeBob''': Like?
:'''King Neptune''': The royal fry cook must be, er, left-handed.
:'''SpongeBob''': Actually, I've got two. ''[shows two left hands]''
:'''King Neptune''': ''[snaps fingers]'' Also, the royal fry cook wears the red underwear. ''[SpongeBob shows his red underwear]'' No, blue. ''[SpongeBob shows his blue underwear]'' Uh, the royal fry cook's wallet contains... ''[SpongeBob takes out his wallet]'' His big toes are... ''[SpongeBob gets ready to show something about his foot]'' Uhh, he has six...
:'''Patrick''': ''[contempt]'' He is the new royal fry cook and you-
:'''King Neptune''': ''[shouting]'' Silence!''[zaps Patrick, burning him]''
:'''Patrick''': Is it hot in here or what? ''[falls over]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[gasps]'' Patrick! You hurt my friend! You're not a king, you're a bully and a liar!
:'''King Neptune''': ''[grabs SpongeBob]'' So, little one, you think you have what it takes to be my fry cook? I will prove your worthlessness. You shall be tested with a challenge!
:'''Patrick''': ''[faints, down below and mocks Neptune again]'' Bring it on! SpongeBob can handle any- ''[gets zapped again, burned even more]'' Ouch.
:'''King Neptune''': Your friend's arrogance will cost you dearly. There will be two challenges.
:'''Patrick''': ''[mocks Neptune again]'' Only two? One or two challenges to someone like Sponge-?
:'''King Neptune''': ''[zaps Patrick again]'' Three challenges!
:'''Patrick''': Three? ''[laughs contemptuously and mocks Neptune with sarcasm]'' Three challenges are nothing. It might as well be... 500 challenges!
:'''King Neptune''': Enough! ''[zaps Patrick into ash]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[weak]'' He'll settle for one...
:'''King Neptune''': There will be but one challenge. You will face me in: The Ultimate Cook-Off!
:'''SpongeBob''': I will accept your challenge if you fix my friend.
:'''King Neptune''': Ah, yes, the round one. I shall restore him.
:'''Patrick''': ''[gets zapped to normal]'' SpongeBob? SpongeBob?! ''[turns around as we see that his face is now on his bottom]'' SpongeBob? Oh, there you are!
:'''SpongeBob''': How you feeling?
:'''Patrick:'': Pretty good. Say, have you gotten taller?
:'''King Neptune''': And now, see the fate that may lie ahead. ''[King Neptune summons the clouds]'' For if by some minute chance you meet the challenge, your reward will be great. ''[opens the clouds]'' Behold! ''[he accidentally shows a live-action man taking a shower, who sees the audience and backs up screaming; Neptune quickly closes the portal and chuckles sheepishly]'' Hehe. Whoopsie! Now, behold! ''[opens the clouds again and shows the city of Atlantis]'' My beloved home of Atlantis. A prize worthy of Apollo. You will reside here in this glorious palace, cook only for me, and be a god!
:'''Patrick''': Hey, that sounds pretty good.
:'''King Neptune''': ''[leans at SpongeBob]'' But if you should not succeed, you must give up fry cooking forever! ''[goes back]'' What do you say?
:'''SpongeBob''': I'm ready.
:'''King Neptune''': Very well then. To the Poseidome!
----
:'''King Neptune''': Yours is superior. ''[bows to SpongeBob]'' Therefore I concede to you, SpongeBob SquarePants, you win. ''[The crowd cheers]''
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Yeah! ''[dancing]'' We're going to Atlantis! We're going to Atlantis!
:''[King Neptune laughs]''
:'''SpongeBob''': What's so funny?
:'''King Neptune''': You, SpongeBob. That repulsive thing in my palace?
:'''SpongeBob''': You mean, Patrick can't come?
:'''King Neptune''': ''[laughs]'' No, of course not.
:'''SpongeBob''': And my friends?
:'''King Neptune''': Ah, the only friend you need, my dear boy, is the royal grill.
:'''Patrick''': ''[crying and wiping his tears with a tissue]'' It was nice knowing you, buddy!''[Mr. Krabs cries]''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[pats Mr. Krabs' claws]'' I know, Mr. Krabs, I'll miss you, too.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': I lost me bet!
:'''King Neptune''': ''[luggage appears next to SpongeBob]'' Come, SpongeBob, grab your things! It's time to depart to Atlantis! ''[a two-seater bike appears. He rings bell and pats SpongeBob's seat]''
:'''SpongeBob''': I don't wanna go! ''[cries]''
:'''King Neptune''': It's too late now. I can't live without your burgers! ''[grows giant]'' You're going to be a god and like it! ''[zaps SpongeBob and he becomes a muscular god. But being the same size, he looks a little strange]'' Maybe we do have a problem.
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[in a booming voice]'' Wait, Neptune! I have another idea! ''[summons lightning]''
:''[The scene cuts to the outside of the Krusty Krab. Patrick walks in the Krusty Krab, his face still on his bottom]''
:'''Patrick''': Good morning, Krusty Krew.
:'''SpongeBob''': Hi, Patrick. What'll you have?
:'''Patrick''': Uhhh... ''[drools stupidly]''
:''[SpongeBob writes Patrick's order on the notepad. King Neptune screams, drawing SpongeBob's attention]''
:'''SpongeBob''': Can you excuse me?
:'''King Neptune''': The accursed stove has burnt my finger! Feel thine own wrath, stove! ''[uses his powers to zap the stove]'' Haha!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[in a stern voice]'' What did I tell you about using your powers, trainee?
:'''King Neptune''': ''[sighs, then embarrassedly puts his arms behind his back]'' Uh... Perfect patties are made with love, not magic.
:''[SpongeBob smiles, ending the episode]''
==Episode 20==
===''Hooky'' [1.20a]===
:'''Mr. Krabs''': The hooks, me bucko! They're back! Beware the hooks!
:'''SpongeBob''': The hooks?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Aye, the hooks! They dangle down and draw you close with their pleasing shapes and beguiling colors, and just when you think you've found the land of milk and honey, they grab ya by the britches, and haul you way up high, and higher, and higher, and higher, until you're hauled up to the surface, flopping and gasping for breath! And then they cook ya, and then they eat ya...''or worse!''
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[terrified]'' What could be worse than that?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Gift shops.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mr. Krabs''': What did I tell ya about those hooks, boy?
:'''SpongeBob''': I-I-I...
:'''Patrick''': I'll tell ya about the hooks. You ride 'em up, and up, and up, then you gently float down.
:'''Mr. Krabs''': And do ya know what happens when ya ''don't'' float back down?
:'''SpongeBob''': Gift shop?
:'''Mr. Krabs''': Worse! Ya end up vacuum-packed, in a can of tuna! With nothin' to look forward to but the smell of mayonnaise!
<hr width=50%>
:'''SpongeBob''': All I know is Mr. Krabs said... ''[Patrick eats the cheese off the hook]'' Patrick, don't do that!
:'''Patrick''': Cheesy! No danger here.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mr Krabs''': I need a sailor's promise! Repeat after me: Yoho! Yoho! Near the hooks, I'll never go!
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Yoho! Yoho! Near the hooks, we'll never go.
:''[A hook comes down and pokes Mr. Krabs in the butt]''
:'''Mr. Krabs''': YOOOWIE! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck! ''[rubs his butt]''
:'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Ahh! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck! ''[rub their butts]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Patrick''': Hey SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way!
:'''SpongeBob''': I always go to work this way.
:'''Patrick''': You're not going to work today, we're gonna go play Hooky!
:'''SpongeBob''': But, Patrick, we promised.
:'''Patrick''': Well, I had my fingers crossed.
:'''SpongeBob''': You don't have any fingers, Patrick.
:'''Patrick''': Well, that Mr. Krabs is just a big dummy! We played on those hooks all day long, and nothing happened to us!
:'''SpongeBob''': But Mr. Krabs said--
:'''Patrick''': Look, SpongeBob. Are you gonna listen to a big dummy, or are you gonna listen to me?
:'''SpongeBob''': Uuuuuummmmmm...
<hr width=50%>
:''[final lines]''
:'''Patrick''': ''[voice only, in a can of tuna]'' Hello? Does somebody have a can opener?
===''Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II'' [1.20b]===
:'''Barnacle Boy''': ''[takes away the conch signal from SpongeBob]'' Alright, that's it! Gimme that! You're running us ragged.
:'''Mermaid Man''': ''[while crawling on the walkway of SpongeBob's house]'' Must answer clarion call! ''[collapses]''
:'''Barnacle Boy''': We're exhausted!
:'''SpongeBob''': ''[while tearing up]'' I'm sorry, Barnacle Boy! I didn't mean it! I just wanted to spend time with you! ''You're my heroes!'' ''[starts crying]''
:'''Barnacle Boy''': It's too late for that, Mr. Contest Winner. I'm gonna destroy this thing with my sulfur vision! ''[tries to use his sulfur vision to destroy the conch but is unsuccessful. He tries again, but he still doesn't succeed]'' Well, I'll destroy it when I get back to the Mermalair. Uh, and as for you... ''[puts the conch in his pocket]''
:'''Mermaid Man''': ''[gets up]'' Barnacle Boy, don't squash his enthusiasm. After all, he could be the hero of tomorrow, or the villain. Besides, I remember another young whipper-snapper, who wanted to be a super-hero. ''[takes out a picture. The image shows Barnacle Boy as a kid holding a lollipop; chuckles]''
:'''Barnacle Boy''': You don't even remember breakfast, you old coot.
:'''Mermaid Man''': ''[walks up to SpongeBob, still crying]'' Maybe the conch signal is too much responsibility. ''[SpongeBob stops crying]'' But how would you like to spend the rest of the afternoon on patrol?
:'''Barnacle Boy''': What?
:'''Mermaid Man''': ''[while he and SpongeBob are running to the Invisible Boatmobile]'' To the Invisible Boatmobile! ''[Barnacle Boy becomes angry]''
:'''Atomic Flounder''': If I weren’t retired, I’d-I’d-'''''RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''
==Cast==
*Tom Kenny as SpongeBob SquarePants/Sub Driver/Dad/Chef/Young Mermaid Man/Bill/Cop/Guy #1/Fish Guy/Skinny Fish/Billy Fish/Photo Fish/Mom/TV Fish/Hot Sauce Drop/Guy in shower/Vender Fish/Kid/Customer/Fish #1, #2, #3/Guy/Guy in shower
*Rodger Bumpass as Squidward Tentacles/Old Coot #2/Doctor/Customer #1/Fish #1
*Mr. Brown as Mr. Krabs/Customer #1/Customer #2
*William 'Bill' Fagerbakke as Patrick Star/Old Coot #3/Student/Bartender/Fish #3
*Carol L. as Sandy Cheeks/Singer/Tina/Wife
*Carlos A. as Castle Fish/Loser/Marshmallow Fish/Fireman/Guy #1/Guy at Party #2/Eel/Surfer Fish/Fish #5/Atomic Flounder
*Dee Bradley Baker as Lifeguard/Pants/Loser #2/Bubble Bass/Customer #2/Customer #4/Cop #2/Husband/Jimmy/Incidental #1, #2, #3/Talking Gary/King/Fish/Fish #3, #4/Soil/Glow Fish/Bus Driver/Fish #2, #4, #6/Hot Dog Fish/Guy #2, #4, #5/Tongue/Green Fish/Vendor/Old Lady
*Doug Lawrence as Customer/Ice Cream Fish/Larry the Lobster/Plankton/Customer/Customer/Driver Fish/Villain/Old Coot/Intern/Guy/Cop/Newsie/Customer/Customer/Guy #2/Fish/Sports Guy/Guy at Party #1/Clerk Fish/Sick Fish/Fish #1/Ice Cream Guy/Driver Fish/Fish #3/Fish #4
*Jill Talley as Karen/Customer #3/Woman
*M.J Catlett as Mrs. Puff
*Sirena Irwin as Mom/Real Estate Agent/Girls #1/#2/Little Fish/Girl #1, #2/Mom Fish/Girl #1/Lady Fish
*Lori A. as Pearl Krabs
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants seasons]]
fwqp87gploau0gfmea8nczahkgs9num
The Great Muppet Caper
0
179902
3935205
3925841
2026-05-01T00:29:24Z
~2026-26496-52
3315144
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wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Great Muppet Caper|The Great Muppet Caper]]''''' is a [[w:1981 in film|1981]] American British mystery musical comedy film in which Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear and Gonzo are reporters who travel to Britain to interview a rich victim of jewel thieves and help her along with her secretary, Miss Piggy.
:''Directed by [[Jim Henson]]. Written by [[w:Jerry Juhl|Jerry Juhl]], Tom Patchett, [[w:Jack Rose (screenwriter)|Jack Rose]], and [[w:Jay Tarses|Jay Tarses]].''
== Miss Piggy ==
* ''[to Nicky]'' You! It was you! Kermit was right! You are bulking! You are talking! Yes, you are! And you know what, you can't even sing! Your voice was dubbed!
* Next time they want stunts, they get a double.
== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines]''
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[in a hot air balloon]'' Pretty nice up here, isn't it?
:'''Fozzie Bear''': Kermit? What if we drift out to sea? What if we're never heard from again? What if there's a storm? Or - we get struck by lightning?
:'''Gonzo''': That would be neat.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Listen, nothing's going to happen. These are just the opening credits.
:'''Fozzie Bear''': Oh. Where are they? ''[title card appears]'' Wow!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''The Great Muppet Caper''.
:'''Fozzie Bear''': Nice title.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Fozzie Bear''': ''[pleading]'' We'll do better next time.
:'''News Editor''': Next time? Next time?! ''[pounds fist into desk]'' What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Well, if there isn't, it's gonna be a real short movie.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Fozzie Bear''': What does "BSC" stand for?
:'''Kermit the Frog''': I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie]''
:'''Miss Piggy''': Why are you telling me all this?
:'''Lady Holiday''': It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Kermit is sitting on a bench; a man and his daughter, Jerry Nelson and Christine, walk by]''
:'''Christine''': Look, Dad. There's a bear.
:'''Jerry Nelson''': No, Christine, that's a frog. People wear hats.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Miss Piggy''': Please don't go. Kermit, please. Oh, please, I'm sorry. Please! Please!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Piggy, hold it.
:'''Miss Piggy''': Please! Please! Please!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Miss Piggy...? Miss Piggy? You're overacting.
:'''Miss Piggy''': ...What?
:'''Kermit the Frog''': You'e overacting. You're having it up.
:'''Miss Piggy''': I am not. I am trying to save this movie.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[getting annoyed]'' Oh, yeah? Well, save your performance instead.
:'''Miss Piggy''': I am playing eight hundred different emotions!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Well, try to play one of them right.
:'''Miss Piggy''': Oh, oh! I have a career of my own.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': I know all about your career, Pig.
:'''Miss Piggy''': I don't need this lousy duck pond.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Sure, you don't need a lousy duck pond.
:'''Miss Piggy''': I will just walk.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[angrily]'' OK, sure. Go ahead and walk.
:'''Miss Piggy''': ''[briefly turning to the camera]'' Should I walk? Then I'll walk!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Walk! Go ahead and walk! ''[Miss Piggy turns away and whimpers]'' Oh, Miss Piggy. ''[sighs]'' Listen.
:'''Miss Piggy''': [in tears] I'm doing my best.
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Well... I know you are. ''[moves in to comfort her]'' Piggy, I'm sorry. We got to get back to the movie, though.
:'''Miss Piggy''': ''[trying to collect herself]'' All right. All right, all right, all right. ''[heaves a heavy sigh and resumes acting]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Nicky Holiday''': Miss Piggy...You're a very different looking woman. I'm so tired of the same type, those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin...
:'''Miss Piggy''': Yeah, well, I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit the Frog''': ''[to Cops got Miss Piggy takes her away]'' Don't worry Miss Piggy, will you get out of this?!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're going to have to catch those thieves red-handed. ''[Beauregard raises his hand]'' Yes, Beau?
:'''Beauregard''': What color are their hands now?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Miss Piggy''': ''[to the truck driver]'' Do you know where Lady Holliday's Baseball Diamond is being kept?
:'''Truck Driver''': Well, funny enough, I do: it's at the Mallory Gallery, a virtually impregnable fortress many miles from here.
:'''Miss Piggy''': Oh! I only have a half an hour to get there!
:'''Truck Driver''': On foot? You'll never make it.
:'''Miss Piggy''': I know! How about a ride?
:'''Truck Driver''': You can read, I presume? "No passengers." ''[points to the sticker on the truck's door]''
:'''Miss Piggy''': Oh, could you make an exception for little old moi?
:'''Truck Driver''': Not even for little old vous. ''[laughs]''
:'''Miss Piggy''': Pretty please?
:'''Truck Driver''': No!
:'''Miss Piggy''': ''[strained]'' I've tried to be nice.
:'''Truck Driver''': Huh?
:'''Miss Piggy''': Hii-yahh! ''[throws the driver out of his truck and into the garbage cans]''
:'''Oscar the Grouch''': ''[emerges from a trash can]'' Hey, what's all the racket?
:'''Truck Driver''': What are you doing here?
:'''Oscar the Grouch''': A very brief cameo.
:'''Truck Driver''': Me too.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Nicky has just captured the Baseball Diamond and Kermit, pulling a gun on the other Muppets]''
:'''Kermit the Frog''': But, Nicky, Why are you doing this?
:'''Nicky Holiday''': Why am I doing this? Because I'm a villain, pure and simple.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Statler''': Well i say, All's well that ends well.
:'''Waldorf''': Well, it doesn't matter to me, as belong as it ends.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Charles Grodin|Charles Grodin]] - Nicky Holiday
* [[w:Diana Rigg|Diana Rigg]] - Lady Holiday
* Erica Creer - Marla
* Kate Howard - Carla
* Della Finch - Darla
* [[w:Joan Sanderson|Joan Sanderson]] - Dorcas
* [[w:Michael Robbins|Michael Robbins]] - Henderson
* [[w:Peter Hughes (actor)|Peter Hughes]] - Stanley
* Peggy Aitchison - a guard
* [[w:Tommy Godfrey|Tommy Godfrey]] - a bus conductor (final film role)
==The Muppet performers==
* [[Jim Henson]] - [[w:Kermit the Frog|Kermit the Frog]], Timmy Monster, [[w:Rowlf the Dog|Rowlf the Dog]], [[w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Dr. Teeth|Dr. Teeth]], [[w:Statler and Waldorf|Waldorf]], [[w:Swedish Chef|The Swedish Chef]], [[w:The Newsman|The Newsman]] and Lubbock Lou
* Frank Oz - Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy, Animal, Sam the Eagle and Gramps
* Jerry Nelson - Crazy Harry, Floyd Pepper, Pops, Lew Zealand and Slim Wilson
* Richard Hunt - Scooter, Statler, Boppity, Janice, Sweetums and Bubba
* Dave Goelz - The Great Gonzo, Beaker, Luncheon Counter Monster, Beauregard, Zoot and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
* [[w:Steve Whitmire|Steve Whitmire]] - Robin the Frog, [[w:Rizzo the Rat|Rizzo the Rat]], Louis Kazagger, [[w:Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem#Lips|Lips]] and Zeke
* Louise Gold as Annie Sue Pig and Lou
==Guest stars==
* [[w:Caroll Spinney|Caroll Spinney]] as Oscar the Grouch from ''[[w:Sesame Street|Sesame Street]]''
* [[John Cleese]] as Neville, a middle-aged British homeowner who lives with his wife Dorcas at 17 Highbrow Street.
* [[w:Peter Falk|Peter Falk]] - a Man in Park
* [[Robert Morley]] - a British Gentleman by Pond
* [[w:Jack Warden|Jack Warden]] - Mike Tarkenian, the editor-in-chief of ''The Daily Chronicle''.
* [[Peter Ustinov]] - a Truck Driver
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=0082474|title=The Great Muppet Caper}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=great_muppet_caper|title=The Great Muppet Caper}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Great Muppet Caper, The}}
[[Category:1981 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Musical comedy films]]
[[Category:Mystery films]]
[[Category:Independent films]]
[[Category:Films set in hotels]]
[[Category:The Muppets films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Jim Henson]]
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The Muppets Take Manhattan
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3935208
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Muppets Take Manhattan|The Muppets Take Manhattan]]''''' is a [[w:1984 in film|1984]] American musical comedy film directed by [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]]. It is the third of a series of live-action musical feature films starring [[Jim Henson]]'s Muppets. The film was produced by [[w:The Jim Henson Company|Henson Associates]] and [[w:Columbia Pictures|Columbia Pictures]], and was filmed on location in New York City during the summer of 1982 and released theatrically the following summer. It was the first film to be directed solely by Oz (who also performs Bert, Cookie Monster, Sam the Eagle, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy and Animal), as he previously co-directed ''[[The Dark Crystal]]'' with Henson.
== Dialogue ==
:''[Martin Price holds a gun on Gonzo's chicken]''
:'''Martin Price''': Get back or the chicken gets it!
:'''Police Officer''': That's a threat?
:'''Gonzo''': Please don't hurt her, take me!
:'''Martin Price''': Whatever you say, pal! ''[grabs Gonzo's nose and pulls him up hostage as well]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rizzo the Rat''': What's this supposed to be?
:'''Pete''': It's grits! Grits! Hominy grits!
:'''Rizzo the Rat''': How should I know how many? Count 'em yourself.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[In Muppet Babies fantasy]''
:'''Baby Kermit''': ''[singing]'' She's gonna be a movie star. And she's gonna learn to drive a car; she's gonna be a veterinarian, too.
:'''Baby Piggy''': ''[to Kermit]'' And I'm gonna always love you-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
:'''Baby Fozzie''': Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa-whoa-whoa!
:'''Baby Scooter''': And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!
:'''Baby Rowlf''': She'll be a doctor of diseases and help you with your sneezes...
:'''Baby Gonzo''': ...and practice neurosurgery on your brain!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Masterson Rat is infatuated with [[w:Brooke Shields|Brooke Shields]]]''
:'''Brooke Shields''': Is something wrong?
:'''Masterson Rat''': Do you believe in interspecies dating?
:'''Brooke Shields''': Well, I've dated some rats before, if that's what you mean.
:''[Masterson faints]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Policeman''': Hey! Watch it!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Oh, sorry. I gotta get a contract so I can go out and kill 'em. ''[leaves]''
:'''Policeman''': ''[dismissed his suspicion after a moment]'' Nah.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ronnie Crawford''': Dad! Dad! I've got great news!
:'''Bernard''': ''[sees Kermit]'' If you two are in love, I don't wanna know about it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Way to go, buddy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gonzo''': Excuse me? I'm looking for a frog that can sing and dance!
:'''[[Ed Koch]]''': If he can balance the budget too, I'll hire him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Last lines; Muppets cheers and laughs offscreen during the end of the credits]''
:'''Animal''': Together again. Bye-bye. Hasta luego.
==Cast==
* [[w:Louis Zorich|Louis Zorich]] - Pete
* [[w:Juliana Donald|Juliana Donald]] - Jenny
* [[w:Lonny Price|Lonny Price]] - Ronnie Crawford
* [[w:Cheryl McFadden|Cheryl McFadden]] - Nancy
* [[w:Graham Brown (actor)|Graham Brown]] - Mr. Wrightson
* Gary Tacon - Thief in Central Park
* Joe Jamrog - Police officer in Central Park
* Heather Henson - Beer hall serving girl
=== Muppet Performers ===
* [[Jim Henson]] - Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, The Swedish Chef, The Newsman, Waldorf, Ernie, Bobo the Bear, Jim the Dog, Clyde, Baby Kermit and Baby Rowlf
* Frank Oz - Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle, Bert, Cookie Monster, Baby Fozzie, Baby Piggy and Bear
* Jerry Nelson - Crazy Harry, Floyd Pepper, Pops, Lew Zealand and Bear
* Richard Hunt - Scooter, Statler, Bear and Baby Scooter
* Dave Goelz - Bill the Frog, The Great Gonzo, Camilla the Chicken, Chester the Rat, Zoot, Bear, Penguin, Beaker, Beauregard, Luncheon Counter Monster, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Baby Gonzo
* [[w:Steve Whitmire|Steve Whitmire]] - Robin the Frog, Rizzo the Rat, Lips, Gill the Frog, Dog and Bear
* Bruce Hall - Masterson the Rat
* [[w:Kathryn Mullen|Kathryn Mullen]] - Jill the Frog, Bear
* [[w:Karen Prell|Karen Prell]] - Yolanda the Rat, Beth Bear, Janice, Frank the Dog and Bear
* [[w:Brian Muehl|Brian Meehl]] - Tattooey the Rat
===Cameo guest stars===
* [[w:Frances Bergen|Frances Bergen]] - Mr. Winesop's receptionist
* [[w:Art Carney|Art Carney]] - Bernard Crawford
* [[w:James Coco|James Coco]] - Mr. Skeffington
* [[w:Dabney Coleman|Dabney Coleman]] - Mister Martin Price and Murray Plotsky
* [[w:Gregory Hines|Gregory Hines]] - a roller skater
* [[Ed Koch|Edward I. Koch]] - himself
* [[w:John Landis|John Landis]] - Leonard Winesop
* [[w:Linda Lavin|Linda Lavin]] - Kermit's doctor
* [[w:David Lazer|David Lazer]] - Sardi's customer
* [[Liza Minnelli]] - herself
* [[Joan Rivers]] - Eileen
* Vincent Sardi, Jr. - himself
* [[w:Brooke Shields|Brooke Shields]] - Pete's Diner patron
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Muppets Take Manhattan, The}}
[[Category:1984 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Musical comedy films]]
[[Category:Children's comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about amnesia]]
[[Category:The Muppets films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Frank Oz]]
77spzj9asexfuflqi0o7iksv3wl2vc9
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/* Muppet Performers */
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text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Muppets Take Manhattan|The Muppets Take Manhattan]]''''' is a [[w:1984 in film|1984]] American musical comedy film directed by [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]]. It is the third of a series of live-action musical feature films starring [[Jim Henson]]'s Muppets. The film was produced by [[w:The Jim Henson Company|Henson Associates]] and [[w:Columbia Pictures|Columbia Pictures]], and was filmed on location in New York City during the summer of 1982 and released theatrically the following summer. It was the first film to be directed solely by Oz (who also performs Bert, Cookie Monster, Sam the Eagle, Fozzie Bear, Miss Piggy and Animal), as he previously co-directed ''[[The Dark Crystal]]'' with Henson.
== Dialogue ==
:''[Martin Price holds a gun on Gonzo's chicken]''
:'''Martin Price''': Get back or the chicken gets it!
:'''Police Officer''': That's a threat?
:'''Gonzo''': Please don't hurt her, take me!
:'''Martin Price''': Whatever you say, pal! ''[grabs Gonzo's nose and pulls him up hostage as well]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Rizzo the Rat''': What's this supposed to be?
:'''Pete''': It's grits! Grits! Hominy grits!
:'''Rizzo the Rat''': How should I know how many? Count 'em yourself.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[In Muppet Babies fantasy]''
:'''Baby Kermit''': ''[singing]'' She's gonna be a movie star. And she's gonna learn to drive a car; she's gonna be a veterinarian, too.
:'''Baby Piggy''': ''[to Kermit]'' And I'm gonna always love you-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!
:'''Baby Fozzie''': Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa-whoa-whoa!
:'''Baby Scooter''': And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!
:'''Baby Rowlf''': She'll be a doctor of diseases and help you with your sneezes...
:'''Baby Gonzo''': ...and practice neurosurgery on your brain!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Masterson Rat is infatuated with [[w:Brooke Shields|Brooke Shields]]]''
:'''Brooke Shields''': Is something wrong?
:'''Masterson Rat''': Do you believe in interspecies dating?
:'''Brooke Shields''': Well, I've dated some rats before, if that's what you mean.
:''[Masterson faints]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Policeman''': Hey! Watch it!
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Oh, sorry. I gotta get a contract so I can go out and kill 'em. ''[leaves]''
:'''Policeman''': ''[dismissed his suspicion after a moment]'' Nah.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ronnie Crawford''': Dad! Dad! I've got great news!
:'''Bernard''': ''[sees Kermit]'' If you two are in love, I don't wanna know about it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kermit the Frog''': Way to go, buddy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gonzo''': Excuse me? I'm looking for a frog that can sing and dance!
:'''[[Ed Koch]]''': If he can balance the budget too, I'll hire him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Last lines; Muppets cheers and laughs offscreen during the end of the credits]''
:'''Animal''': Together again. Bye-bye. Hasta luego.
==Cast==
* [[w:Louis Zorich|Louis Zorich]] - Pete
* [[w:Juliana Donald|Juliana Donald]] - Jenny
* [[w:Lonny Price|Lonny Price]] - Ronnie Crawford
* [[w:Cheryl McFadden|Cheryl McFadden]] - Nancy
* [[w:Graham Brown (actor)|Graham Brown]] - Mr. Wrightson
* Gary Tacon - Thief in Central Park
* Joe Jamrog - Police officer in Central Park
* Heather Henson - Beer hall serving girl
=== Muppet Performers ===
* [[Jim Henson]] - Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, The Swedish Chef, The Newsman, Waldorf, Ernie, Bobo the Bear, Jim the Dog, Clyde, Baby Kermit and Baby Rowlf
* Frank Oz - Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Sam the Eagle, Bert, Cookie Monster, Baby Fozzie, Baby Piggy and Bear
* Jerry Nelson - Crazy Harry, Floyd Pepper, Pops, Lew Zealand and Bear
* Richard Hunt - Scooter, Statler, Bear and Baby Scooter
* Dave Goelz - Bill the Frog, The Great Gonzo, Camilla the Chicken, Chester the Rat, Zoot, Bear, Penguin, Beaker, Beauregard, Luncheon Counter Monster, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Baby Gonzo
* [[w:Steve Whitmire|Steve Whitmire]] - Robin the Frog, Rizzo the Rat, Lips, Gill the Frog, Dog and Bear
* Bruce Hall - Masterson the Rat
* [[w:Kathryn Mullen|Kathryn Mullen]] - Jill the Frog, Bear
* [[w:Karen Prell|Karen Prell]] - Yolanda the Rat, Beth Bear, Janice, Frank the Dog and Bear
* Brian Muehl - Tattooey the Rat
===Cameo guest stars===
* [[w:Frances Bergen|Frances Bergen]] - Mr. Winesop's receptionist
* [[w:Art Carney|Art Carney]] - Bernard Crawford
* [[w:James Coco|James Coco]] - Mr. Skeffington
* [[w:Dabney Coleman|Dabney Coleman]] - Mister Martin Price and Murray Plotsky
* [[w:Gregory Hines|Gregory Hines]] - a roller skater
* [[Ed Koch|Edward I. Koch]] - himself
* [[w:John Landis|John Landis]] - Leonard Winesop
* [[w:Linda Lavin|Linda Lavin]] - Kermit's doctor
* [[w:David Lazer|David Lazer]] - Sardi's customer
* [[Liza Minnelli]] - herself
* [[Joan Rivers]] - Eileen
* Vincent Sardi, Jr. - himself
* [[w:Brooke Shields|Brooke Shields]] - Pete's Diner patron
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Muppets Take Manhattan, The}}
[[Category:1984 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Musical comedy films]]
[[Category:Children's comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about amnesia]]
[[Category:The Muppets films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Frank Oz]]
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The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland
0
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2026-04-30T20:04:54Z
~2026-14671-54
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/* Dialogue */
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'''''[[w:The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland|The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland]]''''' in British/American musical fantasy comedy film in which a tug-of-war between Elmo and his friend Zoe sends his blanket to faraway Grouchland, a place full of grouchy creatures and the villainous Huxley. Elmo embarks on a rescue mission, learning important lessons about sharing and responsibility on ''Sony Pictures Movies & Shows.'' with [[w:Jim Henson Pictures|Jim Henson Pictures]] and [[w:Columbia Pictures|Columbia Pictures]].
:''Directed by [[w:Gary Halvorson|Gary Halvorson]]. Written by [[w:Mitchell Kriegman|Mitchell Kriegman]] and [[w:Joey Mazzarino|Joey Mazzarino]].''
{{center/s}}'''The Good, The Bad and The Stinky.'''{{center/e}}
== Huxley ==
* ''[as Elmo infiltrates his home]'' That little piece of macrame lives!
== Tiny the Humongous Chicken ==
* ''[before he can eat Elmo]'' Hey, wait a minute! You're ''not'' a worm! You're a teapot! I can't have tea! I haven't had my din-din yet!
== Dialogue ==
:''[laughing]''
:''[gasping, crying out]''
:'''Kermit''': Jeesh.
:'''Ernie''': ''[humming but notices the audience]'' Hi there, everybody. Welcome to the movie. Hey, we're so glad you came. Now-
:'''Bert''': Oh, Ernie, Ernie. Listen, I'm going to take a shower. Have you seen my anti-bacterial soap?
:'''Ernie''': No, Bert, I haven't.
:'''Bert''': Oh. Now, where did I...
:'''Ernie''': Now, this movie you're about to see is all about Elmo.
:'''Bert''': Who are you talkin' to?
:'''Ernie''': The audience, Bert. They're right there.
:'''Bert''': ''[confused]'' Huh?
:'''Ernie''': See?
:'''Bert''': ''[gasps in surprised]'' Wow. Look at all those people. Hey, nice cardigan. ''[laughs]''
:'''Ernie''': Now in this movie, Elmo is going to ask for your help. He wants you to talk and play along.
:'''Bert''': Uh, how do we start?
:'''Ernie''': It's easy. Just count backwards from 10.
:'''Bert''': OK.
:'''Ernie''': You see, Bert, that's how you start a movie, Bert.
:'''Bert''': Ah.
:'''Ernie''': Can you all help us count backwards from ten?
:'''Kids''': Yeah!
:'''Ernie''': Ready? Yell real loud!
:'''All''': Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!
:'''Ernie''': Hey-ah, Bert, don't you think you oughta put some clothes on now?
:'''Bert''': Aah!
:'''Ernie''': ''[snickers]'' Enjoy the movie, everybody.
:''[The movie's title shows up on the screen.]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The camera then pans through a window to Elmo's apartment where he is sleeping. A cuckoo-clock's hatch opens. But instead of the usual 1-12 repeating cuckoo sounds...]''
:'''Alarm Clock Bird''': </big></big></big>'''''Wake up!'''''</big></big></big>
:'''Elmo''': Aah! ''[falls off]'' ''[panics]'' Elmo's up! Elmo's up! Elmo's... ''[notices the audience and walks closer to them]'' Wow! Hello, everybody! It's so nice to see you! Ha ha ha hee hee hee! Hey-hey, since you're here, Elmo wants to show you something. It's Elmo's favorite thing in the whooooooole world! Yeah. Elmo's blanket! Come on over and meet everybody, Blank. Blanket? Blanket! Blanket, where are you? Elmo wants to show you somebody. Are you under here, Blanket? Blanket? Blanket, where are you? Blanket? Blanket? Oh, hey there, nice people. Have you seen Elmo's blanket?
:'''Kids''': Yes.
:'''Elmo''': Where? Over there?
:'''Kids''': No.
:'''Elmo''': No? Where is blanket? Blanket? Blanket? Is it over here?
:'''Kids''': Yes!
:'''Elmo''': Really? Oh, there you are. Thanks everybody for helping. Blanket. Hey, you come down from there. Blanket. Oh, Blanket, Elmo's so glad he found you. Elmo doesn't know what he'd do without his best friend. Stop, that tickles! Blanket. Do do do do do. ''[giggles]'' Who's Elmo's best friend? Hmmm. Always by his side. Ha ha ha. That's you blanket. Yeah. Ha. ha. Elmo's best friend. I'll find you when you- hide. Ha ha ha. Whoa. Elmo's blanket. A carpet. The magic kind. Elmo would never, would ever, leave you behind. Oh. Elmo's best friend. Ha ha ha. Let's go for a ride. Whee.
:''[Then Elmo is dressed in an Arabic costume doing a snake in a pot trick, or to him a blanket in a pot]''
:''[Then Elmo is drawing blanket holding a globe]''
:'''Elmo''': Who's Elmo's best friend. Hold still, Blanket. Who helps Elmo try. You. ''[Blanket falls down]'' Blanket?
:''[Elmo looking sad and tearing up]''
:'''Elmo''': Elmo's best friend won't let Elmo ''[looks at Blanket funny]'' cry! Haha Haha. Together forever in rain or sun. We do things like 2, but we're really one. Elmo's best friend.
:''[Orange Juice spilled onto the blanket]''
:'''Elmo''': Uh-oh. Time to wash you.
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:'''Elmo''': Uh, sir?
:'''Laundromat Manager''': Huh? What?
:'''Elmo''': There's something wrong with this. Listen. It's working!
:'''Baby Bear''': Hey, you hear that? Let's whirl.
:'''Gina''': Yeah!
:'''Baby Bear''': All right! Oh, yeah!
:'''Elmo''': Blanket, you're wet. Time to dry.
:'''Big Bird''': Here we go, Socks.
:'''Sock''': ''[humming]''
:'''Sock''': ''[harmonizing]''
:'''Elmo, Big Bird, The Count, Baby Bear & Others''': Together forever the world seems fine. Yeah! We never would ever leave you behind.
:'''The Count''': Whoa!
:'''Elmo''': Wheeeeeee!
:''[Elmo use Blanket as parachute & lands down]''
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:'''Elmo''': Oh. Thank you, Blanket. Hey, let's go home. ''[notices his friend Zoe walking down the street]'' Oh, hi, Zoe. Zoe? What's wrong?
:'''Zoe''': I really, really wanted to go to the zoo today. But my daddy had to work, so he couldn't take me.
:'''Elmo''': Ohh. Elmo has an idea! Well, since Zoe can't go to the zoo. Elmo will bring the zoo to Zoey. Watch, watch, watch.
:'''Zoe''': What are you, a lion?
:'''Elmo''': Yeah. Watch this.
:'''Zoe''': Oh, that's a monkey! Oh. I know. It's a pig!
:'''Elmo''': No. Elmo has something in his nose.
:'''Zoe''': That's funny. Thanks, Elmo. You always make me feel better.
:'''Zoe''': ''[notices Elmo's blanket]'' Wow. What a cool blanket. ''[picks the blanket up]''
:'''Elmo''': Yeah, yeah. It's very special to Elmo. Zoe, Elmo's going to take it home.
:'''Zoe''': It's soft.
:'''Elmo''': Oh, Zoe, Zoe! Elmo has a nice washcloth at home you could hold.
:'''Zoe''': Don't worry, Elmo. I'll be careful.
:'''Elmo''': But Zoe... Elmo wants his blanket back now.
:'''Zoe''': In a minute, Elmo.
:'''Elmo''': No, not in a minute, Zoe. Now, now! Elmo wants his blanket back now!
:'''Zoe''': Wait!
:'''Elmo''': Elmo wants it back now! It's mine, mine, mine!
:'''Elmo''': Zoe! Look what you did!
:'''Zoe''': I didn't mean it. It was an accident.
:'''Elmo''': Zoe's not Elmo's friend anymore.
:'''Zoe''': What? I'm not your friend?
:'''Telly''': I can't stop!
:'''Elmo''': ''[angry]'' Stop, Telly. That's Elmo's blanket!
:'''Zoe''': Elmo!
:'''Telly''': Coming through! Watch out!
:'''Ruthie''': Oh, these are so delicate.
:'''Telly''': Coming through!
:'''Elmo''': Blanket! Blanket! Sorry, Ruthie. Blanket!
:'''Cookie Monster''': Cookie.
:'''Telly''': Look out!
:'''Elmo''': Blanket!
:''[Cookie Monster falls on the floor]''
:'''Mr. Johnson''': Oh, waiter...
:'''Waiter Grover''': One second, sir.
:'''Elmo''': ''[angry]'' Elmo wants his blanket back!
:'''Telly''': I can't stop!
:'''Elmo''': ''[happy]'' Telly! Hi, Telly.
:'''Telly''': ''[happy]'' Hello.
:'''Telly and Elmo''': '''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!'''
:''[Telly and Elmo spins around the pole causing Blanket to slip out of Telly's hands. Elmo and Telly chase it separately.]''
:'''Elmo''': ''[angry]'' Blanket!
:'''Waiter Grover''': Yes, sir?
:'''Mr. Johnson''': Oh, no, not you again! Well, listen, I like a--
:'''Elmo''': ''[angry]'' Blanket! Blanket!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Waiter Grover''': This looks like a job for Su – per Grover.
:''[Waiter Grover transforms into Super Grover]''
:'''Mr. Johnson''': But what about breakfast?
:'''Super Grover''': No, thank you, sir. I cannot fly at a full stomach. And away!
:'''Big Bird''': Oh!
:''[Oscar sneezes the blanket and throws it into his trash can]''
:'''Big Bird''': Huh? But...
:'''Elmo''': ''[angry]'' Blanket!
:'''Big Bird''': What?
:'''Elmo''': ''[angry]'' Blanket!
:'''Grover:''' Oh!
:'''Big Bird''': Huh?
:'''Telly''': ''Whoa!''
:'''Big Bird''': Look out!
:'''Elmo:''' ''[angry]'' Blanket!
:'''Elmo, Grover and Telly:''' Oh!
:''[crash]''
:'''Super Grover''': Could somebody please get up? My little super body cannot take this much weight.
:'''Elmo''': Oh, sorry, Super Grover.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Big Bird''': They crashed.
:'''Baby Bear''': Oh, man, are you okay?
:'''Rosita''': Oh, no.
:'''Big Bird''': They couldn’t stop.
:'''Elmo''': Everybody’s okay. but where’s Elmo’s blanket?
:'''Big Bird''': Oh, I saw it. It fell out of the sky, and Oscar sneezed in it, and he dropped it in his can.
:'''Elmo''': ''[happy]'' Oh. It fell out of the sky, Oscar sneezed in it, and then Oscar threw it in his can. Elmo sees. ''[Faints falling on the ground]''
:'''All''': Elmo?
:'''Grover''': Elmo!
:'''Big Bird''': Oh, something I...
:'''Grover''': Elmo, are you okay?
:'''Baby Bear''': How many fingers am I holding up?
:'''Elmo''': Huh?
:'''Count Von Count:''' That’s two, two fingers!
:'''Elmo''': Excuse Elmo, make way. Oscar, please bring back Elmo’s blanket. Oscar, Elmo wants his blanket back!
:'''Gina''': Oh, Elmo, it’s OK.
:'''Elmo''': Oscar, bring back Elmo's blanket! Elmo needs his blanket back now! Oscar, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!
:'''Gina''': OK, OK. Elmo, take it easy, take it easy. Calm down. It's okay. I don't think Oscar's home right now.
:'''Elmo''': Not home? But Gina, Elmo needs his blanket back.
:'''Susan''': I guess you'll just have to wait for Oscar to get back.
:'''Zoe''': Elmo...
:'''Elmo''': Elmo doesn't wanna talk to you, Zoe. All Elmo wants is his blanket back.
:'''Zoe''': But I didn't mean to...
:'''Bob''': Don’t worry, Zoe. Elmo's just a little upset right now.
:'''Zoe''': But, Bob, I didn't mean to rip his blanket. And then Telly came, and you saw it--
:'''Elmo''': Everybody, break it up. Nothing to see here. Move along. Just a little monster trying to get his Blanket back. Thank you.
:'''Baby Bear''': All right.
:'''Rosita''': Okay.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elmo''': Elmo can wait. Oscar will probably be back at any second. Any second now. And we're waiting. Elmo's waiting. Elmo can't wait anymore! Oh, wow. Elmo didn't know Oscar's place was this big. Blanket, there you are! Elmo is so glad to see you! Elmo missed you! Come on, let's go home. Oh, Blanket!
:'''Oscar''': ''[notices Elmo about to fall into the door]'' Hey, Elmo.
:''[Elmo let go of the door]''
:'''Oscar''': Have a nice trip.
:'''Elmo''': Blanket! Wow!
:'''Bert''': Wait, wait, stop the film, stop the film. Ernie, Ernie.
:'''Ernie''': Uh, what's the matter, Bert?
:'''Bert''': What’s happened to Elmo?
:'''Ernie''': Ah, don't worry, Bert. ''That's'' just the way to get to Grouchland. Roll film! ''[the films resumes]'' Hey, Bert?
:'''Bert''': What?
:'''Ernie''': Duck. ''[drops out of view]''
:'''Bert''': ''[turns to see Elmo hurdling towards him and shouts as he too drops out of view]''
:'''Elmo''': Blanket! Where are you? Blanket! Very colorful! Wow. That was a fun ride. Gee. Look at this place. Where's Elmo's blanket? And where is Elmo? Elmo doesn't think he's on Sesame Street anymore.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Brown Grouch''': Hey, Red. You're in Grouchland.
:'''Brown Grouch 2''': Which just happens to be the greatest place on Earth!
:'''Female Grouch''': A place where you can kick off your shoes and... smell your stinky socks!
:'''Brown Grouch''': Oh, no. I think I feel a song coming on.
:'''Grouches''': Yuck!
:'''Elmo''': Wow. This is great.
:'''Brown Grouch''': Yeah. Watch your toes. Musical number coming through.
:'''Grouch Mayor''': Hear the steady beat of sweaty feet. On the greasy streets of Grouchland. Smell the stinkweed gag the waving wheat. What a perfect day.
:'''Female Grouch''': Make it stop! Aw, come on! You missed a tire!
:'''All Grouches''': Bring in the noise. Bring in the junk. Step on a crack. Step in the gunk.
:'''Policeman Grouch''': Home of the world's worst traffic jam.
:'''All Grouches''': Welcome to Grouchland. Now scram.
:'''Grouch Mayor''': With the gum and goo beneath your shoe You can bet you stepped in Grouchland. It's against the law to use shampoo, so we wash with cheese.
:'''Elmo''': Cheese, that's smelly.
:'''Female Grouch 2''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Sharon Groan''': You like me! You really like me! Now, get out of here! Get my good side. Oh, that's right. I don't have a good side.
:'''Male Grouch''': If you're growing old and love the coast. Spend your golden years in Grouchland. Where the streets are paved in solid mold and the stinkbugs sing. Sing!
:'''All Grouches''': Bring in the noise. Bring in the junk. Step on a crack, step in the gunk.
:'''Grouch Mayor''': Our motto: I grouch, therefore I am.
:'''All Grouches''': Welcome to Grouchland. Welcome to Grouchland. Welcome to Grouchland. Now scram!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elmo''': Wow. Grouchland sounds like fun.
:'''All Grouches''': What?
:'''Grouch Mayor''': Fun? You obviously don't appreciate Grouch culture. Let's send him some greeting cards, airmail.
:'''All Grouches''': Have a rotten birthday! Happy grouchness! Yeah! Get sick soon! Happy sour 16th!
:'''Elmo''': Elmo doesn't know how to read yet.
:'''Grouch Mayor''': Aww, isn't that just-
:'''Female Grouch''': Oh, no, it's Huxley again! He'll take anything!
:'''Elmo''': What’s Going On?
:'''Huxley''': I'll take that.
:'''Elmo''': Hey, hey!
:'''Grey Grouch''': You're taking his greeting card.
:'''Huxley''': Mmm.. I'll take that.
:'''Brown Grouch''': Hey!
:'''Grizzy''': Soggy Sandy wets her pants. That's why they call her Soggy. Watch her do her Soggy dance. Then after you'll get wet.
:'''Huxley''': Hey little girl, Is that your new Soggy pants Sandy doll?
:'''Grizzy''': Yeah?
:'''Huxley''': You're wrong. Guess who's changing its diapers now?
:'''Grizzy''': Let go of her! No!
:'''Elmo''': He can't do that. That's not nice.
:'''Grizzy''': Hey, put me down, you rotten Huxley!
:'''Elmo''': Oh!
:'''Grey Grouch 2''': Wow!
:'''Elmo''': Stop!
:'''Male Grouch 2''': Oh, I bet that hurt. Oh, yeah.
:'''Elmo''': Are you okay?
:'''Huxley''': Did someone say "stop"? Alright. Who said that? Which one of you dares to question my evil ways?
:'''All Grouches''': He did. He did.
:'''Elmo''': Elmo said it.
:'''Bug''': Hey, boss, he's the one. I heard him. It's the cute little red guy. He's the one questioning your evil ways.
:'''Huxley''': I know that, Bug.
:'''Elmo''': It's not nice to take things that don't belong to you.
:'''Huxley''': He also says it is not nice to take things that do not belong to me! Isn't that just precious?
:'''Bug''': Yeah.
:'''Huxley''': Let me tell you something. It all belongs to me. If I touch it, I own it. Bug! You see this tennis racket? Ping! I own it. This hammer? Ping! I own it. This velvet painting of Elvis. I didn't really want it. But... ping! I own it. And this.
:'''Elmo''': Oh, Elmo's blanket!
:'''Huxley''': You're wrong. I didn't borrow this blanket. I didn't rent this blanket. Heck, I didn't even take out a 36-month lease on this blanket. No. Ping! I own it!
:'''Bug''': I think it's made of all-natural fibers. Maybe 100% cotton. Very lovely.
:'''Huxley''': ''[turns to Bug]'' Bug, you really know how to ruin a villainous moment don't you? Now, get into the cartoonishly evil vehicle and drive!
:'''Bug''': Sir! Yes, sir!
:'''Elmo''': No, Wait, Blanket, Blanket!
:'''Huxley''': You Know, I would really love to stay and chat. Because I have to get home to take a nap with my brand new woofy. Say, Bye-bye, Woofy. Bye Bye.
:'''Elmo''': It's a Blanket!
:'''Huxley''': '''Woofy!'''
:'''Elmo''': '''Blanket!'''
:'''Huxley''': '''Woofy!'''
:'''Elmo''': '''Blanket!'''
:'''Huxley''': '''Woofy!'''
:'''Elmo''': '''Blanket!'''
:'''Huxley''': '''Mine!''' ''[laughs evilly]''
:'''Elmo''': Blanket! Wait! Stop!
:'''Bert''': Stop the movie, stop the movie, stop the movie. ''[the film pauses]''
:'''Ernie''': What's the matter, Bert?
:'''Bert''': Ernie, Ernie. Did you see what Huxley did? He took Elmo's blanket.
:''[Bert turns around to glance at the Huxo-copter, then quickly turns back and covers his eyes in fear]''
:'''Bert''': Oh, I can't look.
:'''Ernie''': Oh, but don't worry, Bert, it'll be okay. Right, everybody? Because we know Elmo won't give up until he give his blanket back. Roll film! ''[the film resumes]'' Let's watch Bert.
:'''Bert''': Oh, okay, Ernie, but I can't see anything.
:'''Ernie''': Bert. You still have your hands over your eyes, Bert.
:'''Bert''': Oh. I knew that.
:'''Ernie''': Sure, you did, Bert. Come on.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elmo''': Please! Someone help Elmo, please. Excuse Elmo, can you...
:'''Grouch Chef''': ''[Yelling in French]''
:'''Elmo''': Oh, sir, can you please help Elmo get his blanket back?
:'''Green Grouch''': I'd love to, but I don't speak English.
:'''Elmo''': But... Someone please help Elmo! Oh, excuse Elmo. That mean old Huxley took Elmo's blanket!
:'''Brown Grouch 3''': That makes me feel so bad inside. Oh, wait. I think that's just gas. ''[He Burps At Elmo]''
:'''Elmo''': No, please- Now what is Elmo going to do? Hey, you're the girl with the doll.
:'''Grizzy''': Shh! The name's Grizzy.
:'''Elmo''': How come all the grouches just let that mean old Huxley guy take everything?
:'''Grizzy''': Well, 'cause the only way to stop Huxley is all the grouches would have to work together... and grouches hate that.
:'''Elmo''': But Elmo has to get his blanket back.
:'''Grizzy''': Shh, shh, shh! Okay, okay. Look. Maybe I can help you. Follow me.
:'''Elmo''': Okay.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Telly''': Elmo? Elmo? Elmo? ''[Bumps into Cookie Monster]''
:'''Cookie Monster''': Telly!
:'''Telly''': Sorry, Cookie. Sorry. Elmo?
:'''Cookie Monster''': Oh! Me having a bad cookie day! Oh, me head.
:'''Telly''': Hey, everyone! Hey, hey!
:'''Zoe''': What's the matter?
:'''Gordon''': What's going on?
:'''Telly''': Oscar said that Elmo is gone. He probably went down into Oscar's can for his blanket, but instead of getting the blanket, he got sucked away into some far-off and grouchy place! And he's never going to...
:'''Gordon''': Easy, Telly. Oscar probably just meant that Elmo went home, that's all.
:'''Oscar''': No. Actually, the worrywart's right.
:'''All''': What?
:'''Cookie Monster''': Say what?
:'''Oscar''': Yep. Elmo got sucked down through a door in my can to Grouchland, U.S.A.
:'''Gordon''': Grouchland, U.S.A.?
:'''Big Bird''': Where's that?
:'''Telly''': This is terrible! What are we gonna do? What are we going to do?
:'''Maria''': Here's what we're going to do, Telly. We're going to go down to Grouchland... whatever that is, and get Elmo back!
:'''All''': Yeah!
:'''Oscar''': Well, alright, but be careful. I just had the rugs dirtied.
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:'''Bug''': Checking around the corner. Oh, joy! Fruity goodness!
:'''Grizzy''': Come on. Come on.
:'''Bug''': Elmo.
:'''Grizzy''': Come on. Hustle, hustle.
:'''Elmo''': Are we there yet?
:'''Grizzy''': Almost. Hold your horses, kid. Gee. Well, Elmo, there it is. Greedy Huxley's house on the top of Mount Pickanose. That's where your blanket is. All the way over there. Far, far away.
:'''Elmo''': Well, Elmo has to get it back by tonight.
:'''Grizzy''': Maybe you're not hearing me. It's far, far away.
:'''Elmo''': Oh, that's okay, Grizzy. Elmo's done harder stuff than this before.
:'''Grizzy''': Like what?
:'''Elmo''': Elmo learned to tie his own shoes.
:'''Grizzy''': What are you? Crazy?
:'''Elmo''': Huh?
:'''Grizzy''': If you go there, you might ''never make it back home'' again. Well, I think I've helped you enough. Good luck to you, kid.
:'''Elmo''': But... well, Elmo's going to make it! You'll see! Elmo's going to get to that Huxley's house and get his blanket back! Who's Elmo kidding? Grizzy is right. Elmo will never get there.
:'''Big Bird''': I'm stuck. I'm stuck.
:'''Gordon''': Okay. Here we go, Telly. One, two, three, push.
:'''Big Bird''': Thank you! We're coming, Elmo!
:'''Elmo''': That place is so far far away.
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:'''Stuckweed''': You'll never get there, huh?
:'''Elmo''': Who was talking to Elmo?
:'''Stuckweed''': Oh, just a little green plant.
:'''Elmo''': Huh?
:'''Stuckweed''': Me! How come nobody ever think the shrubbery got something to say? Huh? But I do, cause I know exactly how you feel.
:'''Elmo''': You do?
:'''Stuckweed''': I do! You feel like you're stuck!
:'''Elmo''': Yeah.
:'''Stuckweed''': Well, at least you got your legs, am I right?
:'''Elmo''': Yeah.
:'''Stuckweed''': Well, then, all you got to do is take the first step. Now, lend me your ear. Elmo, get your chin up. Things could been worse. You could have your feet stuck down in the earth. But I don't see no roots growing from your toes. Just two very little feet and they're Revving, revving, revving To go. Take the first step. And soon you will see. Just how brave your heart can been.
:'''Grouch Animals and Stuckweed''': Look on up to the sky. Take that first step. And kiss your fears good-bye. Now, get up there, my little red muppet, and take that step.
:'''Stuckweed''': That's it. Look at that. I knew he could do it. Yeah! Wow. Destiny is callin' so listen up, please. And you can feel the rhythm down deep in your knees. One foot, then the other. Your journey has begun. Elmo, believe it. You're ready, ready, ready to run.
:'''Grouch Animals and Stuckweed''': Take the first step, and soon you will see. Just how brave your heart can been. Look on up to the sky. Take that first step. And kiss your fears good-bye.
:'''Stuckweed''': Look at that! There he goes. Hey, I knew he could do it. Yeah! Look at him go! That's it! Just keep on goin'. Take another step. Take the first step and soon you will see. Just how brave your heart can been. Look on up to the sky. Take that first step. Elmo, we believe in you Take the first step.
:'''Elmo''': You'd better watch out, Mr. Huxley. Elmo's coming to get his blanket.
:'''Huxley''': Oh, that's rich, huh? He's little and red and he's coming to get his blanket!
:'''Bug''': Excuse me, boss, didn't you hear the little guy? He's taking his first step. Shouldn't we do something?
:'''Huxley''': Well, ordinarily I wouldn't... but I am feeling a bit saucy today, huh?
:'''Pesties''': Saucy!
:'''Huxley''': No pesto. Alfredo and a little Parmesan maybe, huh? Perhaps I shall toy with the little red monster. But how? No, no, let me think.
:'''Pestie 1''': Wow, his eyebrows are huge!
:'''Pestie 2''': Those aren't eyebrows. That's my aunt and uncle.
:'''Huxley''': Maybe if I look at it this way. I know! I think it's time for Elmo to take a trip to the tunnel, if you know what I mean, huh? Yeah?
:'''Bug''': What'd you say, boss?
:'''Huxley''': Bug, what are you doing?
:'''Bug''': Just having a little snack. Hard to do your evil bidding on an empty stomach.
:'''Huxley''': Oh sure. Listen Bug, listen good. Are you listenin'?
:'''Bug''': Uh-huh.
:'''Huxley''': Get back to work!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Telly''': That was a wild ride!
:'''Gordon''': Wow. So this is Grouchland, huh?
:'''Oscar''': Yeah, land of a thousand stenches.
:'''Maria''': Yeah, and I think I can smell a number of them right now.
:'''All Grouches''': Hey, look who it is! It's Oscar! Oscar? You look like a million yucks. Yeah! Go away! Get out! Take your friends with you.
:'''Oscar''': Ah, who says you can't go home again?
:'''Maria''': Oscar, maybe you can get your friends to tell us where Elmo is.
:'''All''': Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah yeah.
:'''Oscar''': In a minute. First, I have to look at the old Neighborhood There. Hey, I wonder where that old septic tank is.
:'''Maria''': Hey. Wait a minute!
:'''Gordon''': No. Oscar, we've got to find Elmo first!
:'''All''': Yeah. Elmo!
:'''Maria''': Let's go this way.
:'''Zoe''': Have you seen Elmo?
:'''Grouch Cab Driver''': Stop bothering us. First the little red guy, now you.
:'''Big Bird''': ''[coughing]'' Oh, look. There's a police officer.
:'''Zoe''': Yeah! Let's ask him for help.
:'''Grouch Cop''': It's against the law to ask for help in Grouchland. You have the right to scream your head off. Should you give up the right to scream your head off, someone who screams their head off will be provided for you. ''[laughing]''
:'''Cookie Monster''': Wait, wait. Me innocent.
:'''Gordon''': Come on.
:'''Cookie Monster''': Hello? Me needs cookie?
:'''Gordon''': This is not right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bug''': Okay. Sidney.
:'''Pestie''': Here.
:'''Bug''': Little Ricky.
:'''Pestie''': Here.
:'''Bug''': Howard.
:'''Pestie''': Present.
:'''Bug''': Listen. I'm going to get the trap door ready. You turn the arrow on the sign so that it points in the tunnel. Got it. Ready? Break.
:'''Pesties''': Break.
:'''Bug''': Howard? Howard? Howard!
:'''Pesties''': Coming. Oh! Oh, man, oh, ow! Ow! Your tushy bone is crushing my skull! You're in my ear. Sorry.
:'''Bug''': Here he comes! Everybody hide.
:'''Pesties''': I'm the king of the world! No, I'm not.
:'''Elmo''': Well, this must be the way.
:'''Bug''': Is he in yet?
:'''Pesties''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Elmo''': Wow. A tunnel. Cool. Boy, It sure is dark in here.
:'''Bug''': Little help.
:'''Elmo''': Dark and dirty and dusty.
:'''Bug''': The boss is going to be so proud of us.
:'''Elmo''': Are you guys still here? Elmo can't see you! If you're still here yell Elmo!
:'''Kids''': Elmo!
:'''Elmo''': What? Are you saying something? Elmo still can't hear you! Please yell louder!
:'''Kids''': Elmo!
:'''Elmo''': Elmo heard you that time. Boy, Elmo's glad you're still here. Elmo needs some light. Wow. Fireflies. Hello, fireflies! Oh, fireflies, can you help Elmo? Can you help Elmo get out of here? Wow. Thank you, fireflies! Oh, nice hat. This is fun! Whee! ''[laughing]'' Uh-oh. Aah! ''[rocks crash]'' Ah! Oh! Yay! Oh, thank you, fireflies! Don't worry, Blanket. Elmo will be there soon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Huxley''': Impossible. He's still coming? I'm walking!
:'''Pestie''': The boss is walking! The boss is walking! Ow! Sharp rocks! Hot rocks! Pointy rocks! Should've worn shoes! Ooh-Ooh. The boss is walking!
:'''Pestie''': Baloney sandwich again?
:'''Pestie''': Well, yeah.
:'''Huxley''': Get back to work! Why is that little red furball so determined to get this blanket?
:'''Bug''': Maybe because it's so devastatingly cuddly.
:'''Huxley''': What do you think you're doing?
:'''Bug''': Just hugging Elmo's blanket.
:'''Huxley''': Whose blanket?
:'''Bug''': I mean, your blanket.
:'''Huxley''': That's right. My blanket. And I'm the only one who can hold it.
:'''Bug''': Hey, tissue, maybe you can been my blanket.
:'''Huxley''': What do you think you're doing?
:'''Bug''': Just holding this tissue, boss.
:'''Huxley''': Whose tissue?
:'''Bug''': Uh, your tissue, boss.
:'''Huxley''': That's right. Mine. Come here, Bug. It belongs to me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Huxley''': The issue at hand is the tissue at hand. And I wish you would hand or I'll squish you at hand. The tissue at hand to the man who can prove She Could been. The most deserving he. That's me, me. Me, me. Thank you, Bug. Oh, I love that! Bug, give me that lollipop.
:'''Bug''': Yum. Tasty.
:'''Huxley''': That's mine! Look at all I got. This lamp, this yacht. But what makes having fun is knowing you have none. Whoa! Come on, Bug! Some may call it greed. It's not, it's need. A need I love to feed. The need to have a lot. I give my all to all I seize, see? And all I see I give to me.
:'''Pestie''': Take it, boss!
:'''Huxley''': I see it, take it, then I make it mine. My little stamper adds a pinch of perfection. On every middle is my little sign.
:'''Bug''': '''Yeah!'''
:'''Huxley''': I aim to make it mine.
:'''Pesties''': He sees it, takes it, Then he makes it mine.
:'''Huxley''': I truly care.
:'''Pesties''': His little stamper adds a pinch of perfection.
:'''Huxley''': I give and give!
:'''Pesties''': On every middle is his little sign. He aches, he shakes. To make it mine.
:'''Huxley''': I ache, I quake. To make it mine. Oh, my favorite teddy bear! Ah, my yo-yo! I love my yo-yo! Something old, something new. Something borrowed, something blue. Things that once belonged to you. Like this plastic telephone. I love this highway traffic cone. This wedding cake for Jill & Jake. This rake This giant rubbersnake. This Chippendale. Don't let it break. Oops!
:'''Bug''': It's true. Love is a many "splintered" thing.
:'''Pesties''': He sees it, takes it, makes it mine.
:'''Bug''': You better believe it!
:'''Pesties''': What an honor to be in his collection
:'''Bug''': It is such an honor.
:'''Pesties''': Like an offer that you can't decline
:'''Bug''': An offer you can't refuse!
:'''Huxley''': I ache, I quake.
:'''Pesties''': To make it mine.
:'''Huxley''': You say you love your old Atari. I love it more.
:'''Pesties''': He loves it more.
:'''Huxley''': You say you love your new Ferrari. Mine! I love it more.
:'''Pesties''': He loves it more.
:'''Huxley''': Look at me. I'm on safari. Things I want my only quarry. I love what is yours. Far more than you.
:'''Pesties''': Doodly-doodly-doodly-do.
:'''Huxley''': And if love means never having to say you're sorry. Well, I never do.
:'''Pestie''': The lights! Somebody turn off the lights!
:'''Huxley''': I see it, take it, then I make it mine. I stamp a valentine a sign of affection. Four little letters make a word so fine. I ache to make it. I see it, take it Then I make it mine. I give a stamp that says good-bye to neglection. I got an offer that you can't decline. When umbrellas disappear They're not lost, they're all here With the keys you cannot find. Pens and mittens left behind Got 'em locked up in a box with a million missing socks. An army guy, a glove, here's a doll. Oh, how I love, whoa! To make it mine!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Pesties''': Careful. Yeah, don't spill the boss' drink. Okay, keep it balanced now.
:'''Pestie''': Here's your drink, boss.
:'''Huxley''': Thank You. So, did you think of a plan to stop that Elmo pest yet?
:'''Bug''': Not yet, boss. I was too busy listening to you sing. You got a lovely singing voice.
:'''Huxley''': Why, thank you. I always fancied myself a singer. I almost performed in the bus and truck tour of ''[[West Side Story]]''. They said I wasn't right for Maria. What do they know? I feel pretty.
:'''Bug''': Oh, very pretty.
:'''Pestie''': You should take a weedwacker to those eyebrows. What did I say?
:'''Huxley''': Anyway, I digress. Right now, I need you to take care of my archenemy Elmo.
:'''Pesties''': Elmo... Elmo.
:'''Huxley''': Maybe... you should arrange a little introduction for him... to the Queen of Trash.
:'''Bug''': Huh? Queen of Trash? But-But nobody ever escapes her dump.
:'''Bert''': Stop the movie, stop the movie. Ernie, Ernie, Ernie.
:'''Ernie''': What's the matter now, Bert?
:'''Bert''': Oh, this is not good. Huxley is being mean to Elmo. It's just not fair. Why would anybody be so mean to our little Elmo?
:'''Ernie''': Well, gee, Bert, maybe Huxley just hasn't learned how to share yet.
:'''Bert''': Well... Well, Ernie, do you think he ever will?
:'''Ernie''': Maybe, Bert. I sure hope that he does. Don't you? Now come on, Bert, let's go find what happens to Elmo.
:'''Bert''': Okay. Good, great.
:''[Ernie walks off-screen. Bert follows, but runs straight into the camera lens and gets his nose stuck on it]''
:'''Bert''': Uh, Ernie? Problem.
:'''Ernie''': This way, Bert.
:''[He gets Bert free of the camera lens and ushers him off-screen]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elmo''': Oh, boy. Elmo didn't know it'd take this long to get his blanket back. Excuse Elmo! Excuse Elmo.
:'''Bug''': Sorry, Mac, this whole area is closed for construction. Yeah. Bring it in, boys.
:'''Pestie''': Slow, slow, slow.
:'''Elmo''': What's going on?
:'''Pestie''': Slow, slow, slow, slow, slow... Stop.
:'''Elmo''': Workmen?
:'''Bug''': Nice work, Charlie.
:'''Pestie''': Thank you.
:'''Elmo''': What.
:'''Bug''': See, we're putting in a new Tarbucks. Cause there just ain't enough of those places around when you want a nice latte.
:'''Elmo''': But Elmo has to go that way to get to Huxley's house.
:'''Bug''': Hey, look. You're making me fall behind in my work here. But you look like a good kid, so I'll tell you which way to go. Follow me.
:'''Elmo''': Okay.
:'''Bug''': In order to get to Huxley's, you gotta go down the path......through the dump, over there.
:'''Elmo''': Really? Well, thank you very much for your help. You're very nice.
:'''Bug''': Nice? You think I'm nice?
:'''Elmo''': Yeah. Very nice. Thank you.
:'''Bug''': You're welcome. He hugged me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Grouch Ice Cream Man''': Ice cream. Anchovy swirl. Right here. Ice cream.
:'''Grouch Customer''': Yeah. I'll take one.
:'''Grouch Ice Cream Man''': Okay.
:'''Grouch Customer''': Hey, where's my topping?
:'''Grouch Ice Cream Man''': Oh, right. That's disgusting.
:'''Grouch Customer''': And delicious!
:'''Grouch Ice Cream Man''': No problem. Have a rotten day. Ice cream! Anchovy swirl. Ice cream.
:'''Oscar''': Oh, ice cream. Anchovy swirl? How I long for a lick.
:'''Maria''': Oh, Oscar, get over it. We've got to think about Elmo.
:'''Cookie Monster''': Cookie.
:'''Zoe''': This is hopeless.
:'''Big Bird''': Maybe this'll cheer you up. ''[sings]'' A, B, C, D, E, F, G...
:'''Grouch Prisoner #1''': Let me out of here!
:'''Grouch Prisoner #2''': It's torture! Let us out, please!
:'''Telly''': That's it! That's it! I can't take it anymore! I demand justice! I want a lawyer! Call the media! Start a defense fund!
:'''Gordon''': Calm down! Calm down, Telly! Let me get you some water. Hey, can we get some water in here? ''[gets a bucketful of water in the face]'' Thanks.
:'''Telly''': I didn't get any. Thank you.
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:'''Elmo''': This shortcut is very long. Oh, boy. Very smoky.
:'''Colander Stenchman and Football Stenchman''': Halt!
:'''Colander Stenchman''': You are trespassing on soiled ground!
:'''Football Stenchman''': Yeah.
:'''Elmo''': Wait, wait, wait. Elmo has to get to Huxley's house.
:'''Football Stenchman''': Oh, no way, bucko. You're going to see our queen.
:'''Elmo''': Queen?
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Yeah, and this is her kingdom.
:'''Football Stenchman''': Ahh. Kingdom.
:'''Elmo''': Kingdom?
:'''Football Stenchman''': Kingdom.
:'''Elmo''': This looks like junk.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': He said the "J" word!
:'''Football Stenchman''': You'll find out the difference between what's junk and what's beautiful.
:'''Elmo''': What's happening? What's going on? Who is that?
:'''Queen of Trash''': Listen up 'cause this is all I have to say. This could be the thing to get you on your way. Just imagine what is old is new again. Maybe then you'll understand. I tell you take a look around. And tell me that you don't see. Just a worthless pile of garbage and debris. I see a kingdom. Shining bright.
:'''Elmo''': Wow.
:'''Queen of Trash''': I can see the colors coming through, yeah. You'll find the beauty if you look at something right. It's all about your point of view. In life it's.. All about your point of view.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Yeah! You go, girl!
:'''Football Stenchman''': You go, baby!
:'''Queen of Trash''': Everywhere you look a story can be told. And the tales they tell are worth their weight in gold
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Hey, that's very inappropriate.
:'''Elmo''': Sorry.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Settle down.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Rotting castaways and broken bits of glass, I dare you. Take a look around and tell me that you don't see.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Watch this. This is good.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Just a worthless pile of garbage and debris. Cause I see a kingdom. Shining bright. And if you try then you can see it too, yeah. You'll see the beauty if you look at something right. It's all about your point of view. In life it’s, all about your point of view.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Oh, it's our turn, come on.
:'''Elmo''': Yeah.
:'''Queen of Trash''': I see a kingdom. Shining bright. I can see the colors coming through. Oh, you'll find the beauty If you look at something right. It's all about your point of view. In life it’s all about your point of view. Your point of view. Your point of view!
:'''Football Stenchman & Colander Stenchman''': Where do you think you're going? Stay right here.
:'''Queen of Trash''': So who is this who trashed my dump?
:'''Football Stenchman''': This is him. Your Majesty. He's a trespasser.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Uh, yeah.
:'''Elmo''': No, no. Elmo's not a trespasser, Miss Queen.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Silence, trespasser.
:'''Football Stenchman''': He says he's on his way to-
:'''Football Stenchman and Colander Stenchman''': Huxley's.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Huxley's, eh?
:'''Football Stenchman''': And maybe, maybe he's a Huxley spy.
:'''Rubbish Stenchmen''': Yeah. You know what? I thought about that...
:'''Elmo''': Oh, Elmo's not a spy. Elmo just wants to get his blanket back from Huxley. Cause it's mine.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Well, you certainly sound like Huxley.
:'''Elmo''': No, Elmo doesn't. Elmo's not like Huxley.
:'''Elmo (Flashback)''': No, no! It's Elmo's blanket! It's mine, mine!
:'''Elmo and Huxley (Flashback)''': ''[echoing]'' Mine! Mine! ''[Huxley evil laughing]''
:'''Elmo''': No!
:'''Colander Stenchman''': He says he's not like Huxley.
:'''Football Stenchman''': Make him prove it, Your Highness.
:'''Trash bag Stenchman''': Yeah, prove it!
:'''Queen of Trash''': Well, I think It's time for the ultimate challenge.
:'''All''': Oh, goody, goody!
:'''Elmo''': What's the ultimate challenge?
:'''Queen of Trash''': You have to give me something. You see, Huxley could never give anyone anything.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': That's true.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Now, if you're able to give, then you pass the ultimate challenge and you're free to go.
:'''Elmo''': Uh, what does Elmo have to give?
:'''Queen of Trash''': Well, you have to give Her Royal Majesty, and that would be me... 100 raspberries. The Ultimate Challenge.
:'''Elmo''': Elmo doesn't have any fruit.
:'''Queen of Trash''': No, no, It's not fruit, dear Elmo. Like this. Watch. Ooh, that sends shivers down my spine.
:'''Elmo''': Well, Elmo can do that. Elmo knows how to make that sound.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Good. Now, I want you to give me 100 raspberries... in 30 seconds. Now let me go get my raspberry counter.
:'''Colander Stenchman and Football Stenchman''': I'll get it, I'll get it. No, my turn. I want to get it.
:'''Elmo''': Thirty seconds to do a hundred?
:'''Queen of Trash''': Well, that's why it's called the ultimate challenge. Ready, set, go.
:'''Elmo''': Oh, no.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Hurry. You're wasting time.
:'''Elmo''': How can Elmo do this? How can Elmo do this? Oh, wait, wait, wait! Can you please help Elmo do raspberries like this?
:'''Colander Stenchman''': He's getting help! Is that legal?
:'''Elmo''': Come on! You can do it! You're doing great!
:'''Queen of Trash''': He's never going to do it.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': No way. Never been done.
:'''Elmo''': We're doing it!
:'''Queen of Trash''': Ooh! He's doing it.
:'''Elmo''': Good, good. Keep going!
:'''Football Stenchman''': You'd better move it. You'd better move it. Ninety!
:'''Queen of Trash''': Ooh! I love raspberries.
:'''Elmo''': We did it! Thank you!
:'''Queen of Trash''': Well, you did it.
:'''Elmo''': Yeah.
:'''Queen of Trash''': No one has ever passed the ultimate challenge before, and you did it.
:'''Elmo''': Well...
:'''Colander Stenchman''': He did it! He did it!
:'''Elmo''': Thank You.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Since I'm queen of my word, you're free to go and pursue the blanket or bed covering of your choice.
:'''Elmo''': Thank you, Miss Queen. And Elmo's sorry for calling your dump "junk." It's very pretty!
:'''Queen of Trash''': Thank you.
:'''Elmo''': Bye-bye.
:'''Queen of Trash''': Bye-bye, Elmo.
:'''Colander Stenchman''': Good-bye, Elmo!
:'''Queen of Trash''': Good-bye.
:'''Football Stenchman''': I'm going to miss him.
:'''Elmo''': Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
:'''Football Stenchman''': Bye-bye, Elmo.
:'''Elmo''': It's all about your point of view. In life it's all about your point of view.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Pesties''': Go team, go!
:'''Bug''': Excuse me, boss.
:'''Huxley''': Yeah?
:'''Bug''': Don't you want to play? This usually takes two.
:'''Huxley''': Why should I when you can do it for me? Besides, I think I'm winning.
:'''Pesties''': Yay!
:'''Grouch Mouse''': I told you! This time I'm keeping it!
:'''Huxley''': Hey, Bug, that was the last ball. Hey, let's try boxing!
:'''Bug''': Oh-no.
:'''Huxley''': Come on! Let me see you do your stuff. Gimmie a right. Come on.
:'''Huxley''': Why, that little red bath mat. Bug, Bug. Bug, stop playing games. Come look at this.
:'''Bug''': Wow. Would you look at that? Boy, that Elmo's something, huh? What guts! What spunk! What chutzpah!
:'''Huxley''': Bug. You are really beginning to bug me.
:'''Bug''': Huh, probably cause I'm a bug.
:'''Huxley''': What is it with this blanket? That's it. It's time to take care of that little red fuzzwad once and for all.
:'''Bug''': Oh, no! No, no, no, no.
:'''Huxley''': Out of my way. It is time to release the secret weapon.
:'''Bug''': No, boss. Anything but that. You can't do it to the little guy.
:'''Huxley''': Oh, really? Well, I've had enough toying with that little red lint ball. Just watch. Ping! Hello, Tiny. Come on. Rise and shine! We have work to do!
:'''Bug''': Elmo, you'll make it. Just been Strong, little guy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elmo''': See a kingdom. What's that? It's getting closer!
:'''Iago Donkey''': Chicken!
:'''Elmo''': I'm not that afraid of a little chicken.
:'''Iago Donkey''': Chicken!
:'''Elmo''': Why should Elmo been afraid of a little chicken? That's why.
:'''Humongous Chicken''': Hey, you dinner. Stop running away from me. I'm trying to eat you.
:'''Elmo''': Leave Elmo alone! Elmo doesn't want to been eaten.
:'''Humongous Chicken''': Will you stop jumping around so much? You're gonna make us gassy.
:'''Elmo''': Leave Elmo alone!
:'''Humongous Chicken''': You see what I mean? Now, stand still like a piece of corn. Hey, this is not how eating works. You stay still and then I sneak up on you, and then I eat you. So come on. I'm ready for a nice, juicy worm like you.
:'''Elmo''': No! Wait, wait! Elmo's not a worm.
:'''Humongous Chicken''': Excuse me. I'm not stupid.
:'''Elmo''': Elmo knows you're not stupid.
:'''Humongous Chicken''': Good.
:'''Elmo''': But, but worms aren't red, are they?
:'''Humongous Chicken''': Oh, well, sometime... Well, no. Couldn't they been?
:'''Elmo''': No. No, no. Uh-uh. Worms aren't fuzzy.
:'''Humongous Chicken''': Well, yes, but if... Will you just been quiet so I can eat you?
:'''Elmo''': Wait! Worms can't do this... Elmo's a little teapot short and stout. Here is his handle. Here is his spout.
:'''Humongous Chicken''': When you tip me over- Hey, wait a minute. You're not a worm.
:'''Elmo''': That's what Elmo was trying to tell you.
:'''Humongous Chicken''': You're a teapot.
:'''Elmo''': Huh?
:'''Humongous Chicken''': I can't have tea. I haven't had my din-din yet.
:'''Elmo:''' Ahhhh!
:'''Huxley''': Wow. Not quite what I had in mind, but effective nonetheless.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Elmo''': This is not fun. Oh, no. Are you guys still here with Elmo?
:'''Kids''': Yes!
:'''Elmo''': Oh, good. Elmo feels a lot better with you here. But Elmo still misses his blanket.
:'''Bert''': Wait, wait, wait, Stop the movie again. Ernie, Ernie.
:'''Ernie''': What now, Bert?
:'''Bert''': Well, Ernie, this is terrible. Elmo didn't get his blanket back. How can it end this way? It's so sad.
:'''Ernie''': Oh, no, no, no. Bert. Bert. Bert. No, Bert. Listen.
:'''Bert''': Don't "Bert" me.
:'''Ernie''': No, it's okay, Bert. The movie's not over yet.
:'''Bert''': Oh. You mean good things could still happen?
:'''Ernie''': Of course they can, Bert. In fact, I'm sure good things will happen, because who'd want to see a movie with a sad ending, Bert?
:'''Bert''': ''[[Titanic (1997 film)|Titanic]]''.
:'''Ernie''': What?
:'''Bert''': ''Titanic'' had a sad ending.
:'''Ernie''': No, Bert. Roll the film! ''[the film resumes]'' Come on, Bert. Come on.
:'''Bert''': ''[[Gone with the Wing (film)|Gone With The Wind]]''?
:'''Ernie''': No, Bert.
:'''Bert''': ''[[Doctor Zhivago (film)|Dr. Zhivago]]''?
:'''Ernie''': Shh. Quiet, Bert.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Grouch Jailer''': Chocolate Covered Fishcakes.
:'''Grizzy''': Hey, hey, hey, you. You tangerine.
:'''Zoe''': Maria, there's a grouch!
:'''Grizzy''': No, no, no. Wait. I really want to help.
:'''Zoe''': Well, who... who are you?
:'''Grizzy''': Alright, alright, alright. I'm Elmo's friend, Grizzy. Now, listen.
:'''Zoe''': Elmo's friend? Hey...
:'''Grizzy''': Don't let it get around that I'm helping Elmo!
:'''Gordon''': So, where is he?
:'''Grizzy''': He went to Huxley's.
:'''Oscar''': What? Huxley? First, this guy ruined my beautiful Grouchland, and now he's messing with my fr...
:'''Big Bird''': Oscar, were you going to say "friend"?
:'''Oscar''': No, I was going to say "French-fried fish heads." Alright. So the little stinkball ''is'' my friend. I got to go do something about this! Hey, listen up, you grouch potatoes. Come on over here! Listen to me!
:'''All Grouches''': Why should we listen to you? I gotta get my ugly rags. Go soak your head, huh?
:'''Oscar''': You call yourselves grouches. Look at you. This Huxley character has taken everything that makes Grouchland so disgusting and you're not doing anything about it! We've got to fight for our trash.
:'''All Grouches''': Yeah!
:'''Oscar''': Stand up for our slop!
:'''All Grouches''': Yeah!
:'''Oscar''': 'Cause... when they take our goo, uh... we got to do!
:'''Grouch Mayor''': Yeah, that's right! We got to do!
:'''Oscar''': When they take our goo, we got to do!
:'''Oscar and All Grouches''': When they take our goo, we got to do!
:'''Grouch Jailer''': I love goo! When they take our goo, we got to do! Come on!
:'''All''': When they take our goo, we got to do!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Caterpillar''': Hey, you, get up! You're in my spot! Get out of my spot now!
:'''Elmo''': Huh? Elmo's sorry.
:'''Caterpillar''': Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hey. Don't cry. I can get a new spot.
:'''Elmo''': Elmo's not sad about that.
:'''Caterpillar''': Oh. Well, what then, huh? Come on, my friend, tell me what's wrong.
:'''Elmo''': Elmo didn't get his blanket back. Elmo can't do anything. Elmo's just a little monster.
:'''Caterpillar''': Little? Hey, look at me, huh? I'm just a little tiny caterpillar, right?
:'''Elmo''': Yeah.
:'''Caterpillar''': Wrong! One day I'm going to been a butterfly.
:'''Elmo''': You are?
:'''Caterpillar''': Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna change into a beautiful butterfly. Yeah, I will. Cause I have what it takes right here inside. And you know what, kid? So do you. You proved it by getting this far. Just look inside.
:'''Elmo''': Yeah. You're right! Inside! Elmo can do it! Elmo can get to Huxley's house.
:'''Caterpillar''': Yep. I knew you could, kid.
:'''Elmo''': Thank you, Mr. Caterpillar, thank you. Don't worry, Blanket. Elmo's coming!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Pestie''': Go ahead, eat it.
:'''Pestie 2''': You think he'd mind?
:'''Pestie''': Ah, he wouldn't mind.
:'''Bug''': Hey, that bacon's for the boss! And besides, Howard, your cholesterol level's way too high.
:'''Pestie''': Hey.
:'''Bug''': Morning, boss.
:'''Huxley''': Morning, bug.
:'''Bug''': I made you some poached eggs. I pressed your favorite slacks, the ones that make you look... thin and villainous, and I brewed you some coffee.
:'''Huxley''': Anything about me in the paper?
:'''Bug''': Check page six.
:'''Huxley''': What's it say? You know I can't read.
:'''Bug''': It says you're a greedy, no good... I mean, a lovely man.
:'''Huxley''': Thank you, Bug. Oh, it's a wonderful day. My sun is shining, my birds are chirpin', and my humongous chicken has defeated Elmo.
:'''Bug''': No!
:'''Huxley''': Yes! And the woofy was mine, for keepsies! The woofy was mine for keepsies. The woofy was mine for keepsies. The woofy was mine for keepsies, for keepsies, for keepsies. Give him those. Woofy was mine for keepsies.
:'''Bug''': Poor little Elmo.
:'''Huxley''': I simply can't see what's so special about this stupid blanket. Why didn't he just get a different one?
:'''Bug''': Maybe he loved that blanket.
:'''Huxley''': Oh "Maybe he loved that blanket. "Maybe he loved that blanket." You don't know what you're...
:'''Elmo''': Blanket! ''[Elmo burst through the window]'' Elmo wants his blanket back, now!
:'''Huxley''': That little piece of macrame lives!
:'''Elmo''': Blanket!
:'''Huxley''': Pesties! Pesties!
:'''Pestie''': Yeah, boss.
:'''Huxley''': Don't let him escape with my woofy!
:'''Pesties''': Ooh, that dirty rat. We'll get him, boss.
:'''Bug''': Um, boss?
:'''Elmo''': Oh Boy. How are you doing? Too high! Too high! Too high! Oh, no, no, no! Ah, hey, you let Elmo and his blanket go!
:'''Huxley''': I don't think so. You and your blanket... and both mine now.
:'''Elmo''': No, no!
:'''Huxley''': '''Yes!'''
:'''Elmo''': '''No!'''
:'''Huxley''': '''Yes!'''
:'''Elmo''': '''No!'''
:'''Huxley''': '''Yes!'''
:'''Elmo''': '''No!'''
:'''Zoe''': Stop right there, you mean old Huxley!
:'''Elmo''': Zoe!
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, come on! We got him! Elmo, are you okay?
:'''Huxley''': Ah, you do have friends, huh? And don't they look sweet? I bet you all just have a grand old time together... just saying the alphabet and counting all day long.
:'''Zoe''': Mmm, yeah.
:'''Oscar''': It's over, Huxley!
:'''All Grouches''': Get him!
:'''Pesties''': Huxley don't pay up for this. So, what do you mean pay? Let's get out of here! I want my mommy!
:'''All Grouches''': Give back my stinky socks!
:'''Huxley''': What? Grouches, cooperating?
:'''Oscar''': How are you going to get out of this one, Huxley?
:'''Huxley''': I got a plan.
:'''Oscar''': Oh, yeah? What?
:'''Huxley''': I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet.
:'''Grizzy''': Not very villainous, is it?
:'''Huxley''': They may save you, you annoying red monster, but they can't save your woobie!
:'''Elmo''': No, no, no, no! That's not a woobie! That's Elmo's blanket!
:'''Gordon''': Hold on, Elmo!
:'''Maria''': Be careful!
:'''Elmo''': That's it.
:'''Grizzy''': Slime bucket.
:'''All''': Yay!
:'''Elmo''': Wait a minute. Wait, wait. Where's Elmo's blanket? No, no! Blanket!
:'''Huxley''': That's my Bug! Give him back his woofy!
:'''Bug''': No, boss! You're nothing but a basket case.
:'''Huxley''': What?
:'''Bug''': This blanket belongs to Elmo.
:'''Elmo''': Blanket! Thank you, Bug.
:'''Bug''': You're welcome, Elmo.
:'''Huxley''': Bug, how... How could you do this to me? I thought we were friends.
:'''Bug''': No! You're a greedy selfish villain... and nobody likes to be friends with a greedy, selfish villain!
:'''Huxley''': Come on, Bug. Be a Bug, huh? I mean be a bug. Just for a second. Give me another chance. Let me give everything back. I'll give back all the yo-yos and all the Rollerblades... and all those bicycles, all the kids' toys, all the dolls, everything. I'll give it all back!
:'''Bug''': No!
:'''Huxley''': Bug, Bug, I'll give back every single teddy bear. I'll give back the sun and the moon and the Earth and the stars. I'll give it all back.
:'''Bug''': Less talkin', more givin'.
:'''Huxley''': You're tired, you’re not in your right frame of mind. This isn't when you make an important decision, Bug. Bug. Bug, listen to me. I was wrong.
:'''Elmo''': Oh, Blanket.
:'''Big Bird''': This is great! Ha!
:'''Elmo''': Oh, thanks for helping, everybody. Elmo sure is lucky to have friends like you.
:'''Maria''': We're really proud of you, Elmo.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, way to go, Elmo.
:'''Big Bird''': You're one brave little monster.
:'''Elmo''': Oh, thanks, Big Bird.
:'''Grizzy''': Let's hear it for Elmo!
:'''Big Bird''': Let's go back to Sesame Street!
:'''Oscar''': I know a shortcut. Ready, guys?
:'''Elmo''': ''[Elmo throws his blanket into the air.]'' Let's go home, Blanket! Yay! ''[Elmo laughs. The scene changes as Elmo's blanket floats down through the air and lands on Elmo's arms.]'' Zoe. Elmo's sorry for better your feelings. Can we still been friends?
:'''Zoe''': Well... Yeah. Friends forever.
:'''Elmo''': Yeah.
:'''Zoe''': Wow. I can hold it?
:'''Elmo''': Sure. What could happen?
:'''All''': Together forever The world seems fine. We never would ever. Leave you behind.
:'''Elmo''': ''[to the audience]'' Elmo just wanted to say, thanks for helping. Elmo couldn't have done it without you. Elmo love you. ''[he waves to us]'' Bye bye. ''[he goes back with the dancing neighbors. Ernie and Bert come in]''
:'''Ernie''': See, Bert? Just like I told you, Elmo got his blanket back.
:'''Bert''': Yeah, it's a happy ending.
:'''Ernie''': ''[to the audience]'' Yep, and thank you all for helping.
:'''Bert''': Oh yeah, you deserve a big round of applause.
:'''Ernie''': Yeah, yeah, everybody clap for yourselves, come on!
:''[Ernie and Bert clap. The children in the audience cheer.]''
:'''Bert''': You were great!
:'''Ernie''': Okay, Bert, time to go home. ''[if watching in 1.33:1 full screen, black bars appear. The top one descends as the bottom one ascends making the picture the usual 1.85:1 widescreen format.]''
:'''Bert''': Yeah, and I knew everything would be okay.
:'''Ernie''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Bert''': I knew Elmo would get his blanket back.
:'''Ernie''': Yep.
:'''Bert''': And I knew there'd be a happy ending.
:'''Ernie''': Of course, Bert.
:'''Bert''': ''[to the audience]'' See ya. ''[turns to leave, but then notices that the end credits are starting]'' Oh, look, look, look. Ernie, credits! Oh! I wanna see who did the catering. Yeah, that was really good toast, you know, they cut off the crusts and everything.
:'''Ernie''': Uh, Bert, time to feed your pigeons.
:'''Bert''': Oh, yeah, thank you. Bernice! ''[leaves]''
:'''Ernie''': ''[to the audience]'' Bye-bye. ''[snickers, then leaves, ending the film]''
:''[Precious Wings Plays During The Credits]''
== Cast ==
* [[w:Kevin Clash|Kevin Clash]] - Elmo, Pestie, Grouch Jailer, Grouch Taxicab Driver
* [[Mandy Patinkin]] - Huxley
* [[Vanessa L. Williams]] - the Queen of Trash
* [[w:Caroll Spinney|Caroll Spinney]] - Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch
* [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]] - Cookie Monster, Bert, Grover
* [[w:Steve Whitmire|Steve Whitmire]] - Ernie, Stuckweed, Sharon Groan, Football Stenchman, Bad Humor Man, Parrot
* [[w:Martin P. Robinson|Martin P. Robinson]] - Telly Monster, Laundromat Manager, Pestie
* [[w:Fran Brill|Fran Brill]] - Zoe, Pestie, Prairie Dawn
* [[w:Joey Mazzarino|Joey Mazzarino]] - Bug
* [[w:Stephanie D'Abruzzo|Stephanie D'Abruzzo]] - Grizzy, Pestie
* [[w:Sonia Manzano|Sonia Manzano]] - Maria
* [[w:Roscoe Orman|Roscoe Orman]] - Gordon
* [[w:Alison Bartlett-O'Reilly|Alison Bartlett-O'Reilly]] - Gina
* [[w:Ruth Buzzi|Ruth Buzzi]] - Ruthie
* [[w:Emilio Delgado|Emilio Delgado]] - Luis
* [[w:Loretta Long|Loretta Long]] - Susan
* [[w:Bob McGrath|Bob McGrath]] - Bob
* [[w:Dave Goelz|Dave Goelz]] - Humongous Chicken
* [[w:Jerry Nelson|Jerry Nelson]] - Count von Count, Pestie, Grouch Mayor, Grouch Police Officer, Mr. Johnson
* [[w:Matt Vogel|Matt Vogel]] - Big Bird (puppetry in some scenes)
* [[w:David Rudman|David Rudman]] - Baby Bear, Alarm Clock Bird, Fat Blue Anything Muppet, Caterpillar, Pestie, Colander Stenchman, Grouch Ice Cream Customer, Puppeteer of Mr. Johnson, Various Grouches
* [[w:Carmen Osbahr|Carmen Osbahr]] - Rosita
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0159421}}
* {{Amg movie|180983}}
* {{mojo title|elmoingrouchland}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|adventures_of_elmo_in_grouchland}}
* {{metacritic film|the-adventures-of-elmo-in-grouchland}}
* {{Official website|https://web.archive.org/web/20001027203034/http://www.elmoingrouchland.com:80/index.html}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland, The}}
{{Authority control}}
{{Jim Henson}}
[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1999 American films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:The Walt Disney Company]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]
[[Category:Films set in New York City]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]
nptmyxqabpzroy3heo3fk3xntnf4jvu
Charm
0
184330
3935146
3786642
2026-04-30T22:04:31Z
~2026-22393-09
3310059
/* Quotes */ Jerome V. C. Smith
3935146
wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''[[w:Charm|Charm]]''' is a word originally from [[Latin]] ''carmen'' ("song"). It may refer to:
* [[w:Charisma|Charisma]], a person or thing's pronounced ability to attract others
* [[w:Superficial|Superficial]] charm, the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick and verbally facile
* A spell ([[paranormal]]) or [[w:incantation|incantation]]
* An object believed to have been [[magically]] charmed, such as an amulet or talisman
* A trinket, as on a charm bracelet
{{Psychology-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* [[Beauty]] of the [[face]] is the outward charm of a human being, and the beauty of soul is his inner charm.
** [[Hasan al-Askari]], Majlisi, ''Bihārul Anwār'', vol.1, p. 95
* Charm appertains to the essence of the person or thing endowed with it. It cannot be acquired, it cannot be got rid of, and its results are produced without effort, since the person who has it cannot help producing them.
** [[Alfred Austin]], ''The Garden That I Love: Second Series'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1907), pp. 32–33.
* Women are more frequently charming than men, because they are less self-conscious.
** [[Alfred Austin]], ''The Garden That I Love: Second Series'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1907), p. 35.
* Oh, it's — it's a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it, you don't need to have anything else; and if you don't have it, it doesn't much matter what else you have. Some women, the few, have charm for all; and most have charm for one. But some have charm for none.
** [[J. M. Barrie]], ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/ewkno11.txt What Every Woman Knows]'', Act I (1908)
* The true spirit of conversation consists more in bringing out the cleverness of others than in showing a great deal of it yourself; he who goes away pleased with himself and his own wit is also greatly pleased with you. Most men would rather please than admire you; they seek less to be instructed, and even to be amused, than to be praised and applauded; the most delicate of pleasures is to please another person.
** [[Jean de La Bruyère]], ''Characters'', H. Van Laun, trans. (London: 1885) “Of Society and Conversation,” #16
* "Charm"—which means the power to effect work without employing brute force—is indispensable to women. Charm is a woman's strength just as strength is a man's charm.
** [[Havelock Ellis]], ''The Task of Social Hygiene'', [HTTP://BOOKS.GOOGLE.COM/books?id=nAoAAAAAYAAJ&q=%22charm+which+means+the+power+to+effect+work+without+employing+brute+force+is+indispensable+to+women+charm+is+a+woman%27s+strength+just+as+strength+is+a+man%27s+charm%22&pg=PA81#v=onepage ch. 3]
* How amiable and innocent<br>Her pleasure in her power to charm!
** [[Coventry Patmore]], ''The Angel in the House'' (1854), Book I, Canto IV, I "The Rose of the World"
* But Time's stern tide, with cold Oblivion's wave,<br>Shall soon dissolve each fair, each fading charm.
** [[w:Anna Seward|Anna Seward]], "Elegy Written at the Sea-Side", in ''Poetical Works'', ed. [[Walter Scott]], Vol. I (Edinburgh: John Ballantyne and Co., 1810), p. 82
* There is neither spirit nor persistency enough in the whole range of masculine humanity, with but a few rare exceptions, to withstand the artillery of a magnificent woman's charms, when sent forth in all their potency with a view to conquest.
** [[w:Jerome V. C. Smith|Jerome V. C. Smith]], ''The Ways of Women in Their Physical, Moral, and Intellectual Relations'' (Hartford, CT: Dustin, Gilman & Co., 1875), pp. 11–12
* Pray present my benediction to your charming wife, who I am sure would bring any plant in the garden into full flower by looking at it, and smiling upon it.
** [[Sydney Smith]], letter to [[w:Philip Stanhope, 5th Earl Stanhope|Lord Mahon]] (July 4, 1843), in '' A Memoir of the Reverend Sydney Smith by his daughter [[w:Lady Saba Holland|Lady Holland]], with a selection of his letters edited by [[w:Sarah Austin (translator)|Mrs. Austin]]'' (London: Longman, Brown, Green, and Longmans, 1855), Vol. II, p. 491
* Men are constantly attracted and deluded by two opposite charms: the charm of competence which is engendered by mathematics and everything akin to mathematics, and the charm of humble awe, which is engendered by meditation on the human soul and its experiences. Philosophy is characterized by the gentle, if firm, refusal to succumb to either charm. It is the highest form of the mating of courage and moderation. In spite of its highness or nobility, it could appear as Sisyphean or ugly, when one contrasts its achievement with its goal. Yet it is necessarily accompanied, sustained and elevated by eros. It is graced by nature's grace.
** [[Leo Strauss]], ''What is Political Philosophy'', p. 40 (1959)
* All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], "[[w:The Portrait of Mr. W. H.|The Portrait of Mr. W. H.]]", ''[[w:Blackwood's Magazine|Blackwood's Magazine]]'', Vol. 146, no. 885 (July 1889), p. 4
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary}}
{{commonscat|Experiments}}
[[Category:Interpersonal relationships]]
[[Category:Religion]]
0h2kkgbeog2mvebdocet941drjlgnd8
3935169
3935146
2026-04-30T22:47:56Z
~2026-22393-09
3310059
/* Quotes */ Frederick Saunders
3935169
wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''[[w:Charm|Charm]]''' is a word originally from [[Latin]] ''carmen'' ("song"). It may refer to:
* [[w:Charisma|Charisma]], a person or thing's pronounced ability to attract others
* [[w:Superficial|Superficial]] charm, the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick and verbally facile
* A spell ([[paranormal]]) or [[w:incantation|incantation]]
* An object believed to have been [[magically]] charmed, such as an amulet or talisman
* A trinket, as on a charm bracelet
{{Psychology-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* [[Beauty]] of the [[face]] is the outward charm of a human being, and the beauty of soul is his inner charm.
** [[Hasan al-Askari]], Majlisi, ''Bihārul Anwār'', vol.1, p. 95
* Charm appertains to the essence of the person or thing endowed with it. It cannot be acquired, it cannot be got rid of, and its results are produced without effort, since the person who has it cannot help producing them.
** [[Alfred Austin]], ''The Garden That I Love: Second Series'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1907), pp. 32–33.
* Women are more frequently charming than men, because they are less self-conscious.
** [[Alfred Austin]], ''The Garden That I Love: Second Series'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1907), p. 35.
* Oh, it's — it's a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it, you don't need to have anything else; and if you don't have it, it doesn't much matter what else you have. Some women, the few, have charm for all; and most have charm for one. But some have charm for none.
** [[J. M. Barrie]], ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/ewkno11.txt What Every Woman Knows]'', Act I (1908)
* The true spirit of conversation consists more in bringing out the cleverness of others than in showing a great deal of it yourself; he who goes away pleased with himself and his own wit is also greatly pleased with you. Most men would rather please than admire you; they seek less to be instructed, and even to be amused, than to be praised and applauded; the most delicate of pleasures is to please another person.
** [[Jean de La Bruyère]], ''Characters'', H. Van Laun, trans. (London: 1885) “Of Society and Conversation,” #16
* "Charm"—which means the power to effect work without employing brute force—is indispensable to women. Charm is a woman's strength just as strength is a man's charm.
** [[Havelock Ellis]], ''The Task of Social Hygiene'', [HTTP://BOOKS.GOOGLE.COM/books?id=nAoAAAAAYAAJ&q=%22charm+which+means+the+power+to+effect+work+without+employing+brute+force+is+indispensable+to+women+charm+is+a+woman%27s+strength+just+as+strength+is+a+man%27s+charm%22&pg=PA81#v=onepage ch. 3]
* How amiable and innocent<br>Her pleasure in her power to charm!
** [[Coventry Patmore]], ''The Angel in the House'' (1854), Book I, Canto IV, I "The Rose of the World"
* [[Jonathan Swift|Dean Swift]] proposed to tax female beauty, and to leave every lady to rate her own charms. He said the tax would be cheerfully paid, and very productive.
** [[Frederick Saunders (librarian)|Frederick Saunders]], ''Salad for the Social'' (New York: De Witt & Davenport, 1856), p. 96
* But Time's stern tide, with cold Oblivion's wave,<br>Shall soon dissolve each fair, each fading charm.
** [[w:Anna Seward|Anna Seward]], "Elegy Written at the Sea-Side", in ''Poetical Works'', ed. [[Walter Scott]], Vol. I (Edinburgh: John Ballantyne and Co., 1810), p. 82
* There is neither spirit nor persistency enough in the whole range of masculine humanity, with but a few rare exceptions, to withstand the artillery of a magnificent woman's charms, when sent forth in all their potency with a view to conquest.
** [[w:Jerome V. C. Smith|Jerome V. C. Smith]], ''The Ways of Women in Their Physical, Moral, and Intellectual Relations'' (Hartford, CT: Dustin, Gilman & Co., 1875), pp. 11–12
* Pray present my benediction to your charming wife, who I am sure would bring any plant in the garden into full flower by looking at it, and smiling upon it.
** [[Sydney Smith]], letter to [[w:Philip Stanhope, 5th Earl Stanhope|Lord Mahon]] (July 4, 1843), in '' A Memoir of the Reverend Sydney Smith by his daughter [[w:Lady Saba Holland|Lady Holland]], with a selection of his letters edited by [[w:Sarah Austin (translator)|Mrs. Austin]]'' (London: Longman, Brown, Green, and Longmans, 1855), Vol. II, p. 491
* Men are constantly attracted and deluded by two opposite charms: the charm of competence which is engendered by mathematics and everything akin to mathematics, and the charm of humble awe, which is engendered by meditation on the human soul and its experiences. Philosophy is characterized by the gentle, if firm, refusal to succumb to either charm. It is the highest form of the mating of courage and moderation. In spite of its highness or nobility, it could appear as Sisyphean or ugly, when one contrasts its achievement with its goal. Yet it is necessarily accompanied, sustained and elevated by eros. It is graced by nature's grace.
** [[Leo Strauss]], ''What is Political Philosophy'', p. 40 (1959)
* All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction.
** [[Oscar Wilde]], "[[w:The Portrait of Mr. W. H.|The Portrait of Mr. W. H.]]", ''[[w:Blackwood's Magazine|Blackwood's Magazine]]'', Vol. 146, no. 885 (July 1889), p. 4
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary}}
{{commonscat|Experiments}}
[[Category:Interpersonal relationships]]
[[Category:Religion]]
g5qeeu46e7k9nh4f0xz5jqx17t1ih3k
Mexican–American War
0
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2026-04-30T17:44:48Z
~2026-26289-40
3315073
/* G */
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[[File:Chapultepec.jpg|thumb|[O]fficers of the army were indifferent whether the annexation was consummated or not; but not so all of them. For myself, I was bitterly opposed to the measure, and to this day, regard [[w:Mexican–American War|the war]], which resulted, as one of the most unjust ever waged by [[United States|a stronger]] against [[w:Mexico|a weaker nation]]. It was an instance of a republic following the bad example of [[Europe]]an monarchies, in not considering justice in their desire to acquire additional territory. ~ [[Ulysses S. Grant]]]]
The '''[[w:Mexican–American War|Mexican–American War]]''', also known as the '''Mexican War''', was a war that was fought between the [[United States]] and [[Mexico]] in the 19th century, lasting from April 1846 to February 1848. The U.S. started and won the war, with Mexico ceding a large portion of its territory to the U.S. as part of the terms of surrender of Mexico. The war was a both highly controversial and divisive one in U.S. politics, with anti-slavery advocates seeing it as aggression by the [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic Party]] to annex foreign land in which to spread and introduce [[slavery]]. This heated political tension over slavery increased after the war, leading to the creation of the anti-slavery [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]], and ultimately, the [[American Civil War]], which resulted in the ending of slavery in the U.S.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
==Quotes==
[[File:The Battle of Monterrey, led by General Zachary Taylor and General William J. Worth, in the Mexican-American War.jpg|thumb|The Mexicans were badly commanded, and there was very little hard fighting during that war, at least nothing to be compared with what was seen afterward in our own. Our soldiers had only to show the bayonet at the [[Mexicans]] and they would run. As to the bowie-knife, I do not think one was used during the war. It was a pity to see good troops used as the Mexican soldiers were in those campaigns. I do not think a more incompetent set of officers ever existed than those who commanded the Mexicans. With an able general the Mexicans would make a good fight, for they are a courageous people. ~ [[Ulysses S. Grant]]]]
[[File:Intervención_estadounidense_en_Tabasco.jpg|thumb|The United States will conquer Mexico, but it will be as the man swallows the arsenic, which brings him down in turn. Mexico will poison us. ~ [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]]]]
[[File:Battle of Churubusco (1847), by Currier and Ives.png|thumb|When we wanted, a few years ago, a slice of [[Mexico]], it was hinted that the [[Mexicans]] were an inferior race, that the old Castilian blood had become so weak that it would scarcely run down hill, and that Mexico needed the long, strong and beneficent arm of the Anglo-Saxon care extended over it. We said that it was necessary to its salvation, and a part of the "manifest destiny" of this Republic, to extend our arm over that dilapidated government. ~ [[Frederick Douglass]]]]
[[File:General Scott's Entrance Into Mexico (1851), by Carl Nebel and Adolphe Jean-Baptiste Bayot.png|thumb|The [[American Civil War|Southern rebellion]] was largely the outgrowth of the [[w:Mexican–American War|Mexican war]]. Nations, like individuals, are punished for their transgressions. [[United States|We]] got [[United States|our]] [[American Civil War|punishment in the most sanguinary and expensive war]] of modern times. ~ [[Ulysses S. Grant]]]]
===B===
*Having lived in [[Texas]] as a youth I had been accused of murder several times and been forced to study Texas history, I thought I knew the story of its admission to the Union pretty well. But I never knew the profound importance of race to that history. In particular, I did not know that [[Mexico]] had abolished slavery and that this was a key reason for the war for Texas independence. The Texans were determined to keep their slaves and were willing to fight to the death for that right. And of course, the admission of Texas as a state was critical to the maintenance of slavery in the United States, which was threatened both economically and politically in the 1840s.
**[[Bruce Bartlett]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=vb3Mx7GqAmwC&printsec=frontcover&dq=isbn:9780230600621&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CB4Q6AEwAGoVChMIi92Er-SPxwIVhnQ-Ch3plQCk#v=onepage&q&f=false ''Wrong on Race: The Democratic Party's Buried Past''] (2008), p. x
===D===
*Has the Mexican War terminated yet, and how? Are we beaten? Do you know of any nation about to besiege [[w:South Hadley, Massachusetts|South Hadley]]? If so, do inform me of it, for I would be glad of a chance to escape, if we are to be stormed. I suppose [our teacher] Miss [[w:Mary Lyon|Lyon]] would furnish us all with daggers and order us to fight for our lives.
**[[Emily Dickinson]], as quoted in [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-385-09423-X ''Selected Poems and Letters of Emily Dickinson''] (1959), by Robert N. Linscott, New York: Anchor Books, pp. 218–219
*Charge of inferiority is an old dodge. It has been made available for oppression on many occasions. It is only about six centuries since the blue-eyed and fair-haired Anglo Saxons were considered inferior by the haughty Normans, who once trampled upon them. If you read the history of the Norman Conquest, you will find that this proud Anglo-Saxon was once looked upon as of coarser clay than his Norman master, and might be found in the highways and byways of Old England laboring with a brass collar on his neck, and the name of his master marked upon it were down then! You are up now. I am glad you are up, and I want you to be glad to help us up also... The story of our inferiority is an old dodge, as I have said; for wherever men oppress their fellows, wherever they enslave them, they will endeavor to find the needed apology for such enslavement and oppression in the character of the people oppressed and enslaved. When we wanted, a few years ago, a slice of Mexico, it was hinted that the Mexicans were an inferior race, that the old Castilian blood had become so weak that it would scarcely run down hill, and that Mexico needed the long, strong and beneficent arm of the Anglo-Saxon care extended over it. We said that it was necessary to its salvation, and a part of the 'manifest destiny' of this Republic, to extend our arm over that dilapidated government.
**[[Frederick Douglass]], [http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/what-the-black-man-wants/ "What the Black Man Wants"] (1865)
===E===
*The United States will conquer Mexico, but it will be as the man swallows the arsenic, which brings him down in turn. Mexico will poison us.
**[[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], as quoted in ''Kearny's March'' (2011), by Winston Groom, New York: Alfred A. Knopf, p. 275
===G===
* After the United States gobbled up California and half of Mexico, and we were stripped down to nothing, territorial expansion suddenly becomes a crime. It's been going on for centuries, and it will still go on.
**[[Hermann Göring]], at lunch during the Nuremberg War Crimes Tribunal (11 December 1945), as quoted in ''Nuremberg Diary'' (1947), p. 66
*The Mexicans were badly commanded, and there was very little hard fighting during that war, at least nothing to be compared with what was seen afterward in our own. Our soldiers had only to show the bayonet at the [[Mexicans]] and they would run. As to the bowie-knife, I do not think one was used during the war. It was a pity to see good troops used as the Mexican soldiers were in those campaigns. I do not think a more incompetent set of officers ever existed than those who commanded the Mexicans. With an able general the Mexicans would make a good fight, for they are a courageous people. But I do not suppose any war was ever fought with reference to which so many romances were invented as the war in Mexico.
**[[Ulysses S. Grant]], as quoted in [https://archive.org/details/aroundworldgrant02younuoft/page/n4 ''Around the world with General Grant: a narrative of the visit of General U. S. Grant, ex-President of the United States, to various countries in Europe, Asia, and Africa, in 1877, 1878, 1879 : to which are added certain conversations with General Grant on questions connected with American politics and history''] (1879), by John Russell Young, pp. 162–163
*With a soldier the flag is paramount. I know the struggle with my conscience during the Mexican War. I have never altogether forgiven myself for going into that. I had very strong opinions on the subject. I do not think there was ever a more wicked war than that waged by the United States on Mexico. I thought so at the time, when I was a youngster, only I had not moral courage enough to resign. I had taken an oath to serve eight years, unless sooner discharged, and I considered my supreme duty was to my flag. I had a horror of the Mexican War, and I have always believed that it was on our part most unjust. The wickedness was not in the way our soldiers conducted it, but in the conduct of our government in declaring war. The troops behaved well in Mexico, and the government acted handsomely about the peace. We had no claim on Mexico. Texas had no claim beyond the Nueces River, and yet we pushed on to the Rio Grande and crossed it. I am always ashamed of my country when I think of that invasion. Once in Mexico, however, and the people, those who had property, were our friends. We could have held Mexico, and made it a permanent section of the Union with the consent of all classes whose consent was worth having. Overtures were made to Scott and Worth to remain in the country with their armies...
**[[Ulysses S. Grant]], as quoted in [https://archive.org/details/aroundworldgrant02younuoft/page/n4 ''Around the world with General Grant: a narrative of the visit of General U. S. Grant, ex-President of the United States, to various countries in Europe, Asia, and Africa, in 1877, 1878, 1879 : to which are added certain conversations with General Grant on questions connected with American politics and history''] (1879), by John Russell Young, p. 448
*When I was in London, talking with Lord Beaconsfield, he spoke of Mexico. He said he wished to heaven we had taken the country, that England would not like anything better than to see the United States annex it. I suppose that will be the future of the country. Now that slavery is out of the way there could be no better future for Mexico than absorption in the United States. But it would have to come, as San Domingo tried to come, by the free will of the people. I would not fire a gun to annex territory. I consider it too great a privilege to belong to the United States for us to go around gunning for new territories. Then the question of annexation means the question of suffrage, and that becomes more and more serious every day with us. That is one of the grave problems of our future.
**[[Ulysses S. Grant]], as quoted in [https://archive.org/details/aroundworldgrant02younuoft/page/n4 ''Around the world with General Grant: a narrative of the visit of General U. S. Grant, ex-President of the United States, to various countries in Europe, Asia, and Africa, in 1877, 1878, 1879 : to which are added certain conversations with General Grant on questions connected with American politics and history''] (1879), by John Russell Young, pp. 448–449
*Generally, the officers of the army were indifferent whether the annexation was consummated or not; but not so all of them. For myself, I was bitterly opposed to the measure, and to this day, regard [[w:Mexican–American War|the war]], which resulted, as one of the most unjust ever waged by [[United States|a stronger]] against [[Mexico|a weaker nation]]. It was an instance of a republic following the bad example of [[Europe]]an monarchies, in not considering justice in their desire to acquire additional territory.
**[[Ulysses S. Grant]], ''Personal Memoirs of General U. S. Grant'' (1885), p. 16
*The [[American Civil War|Southern rebellion]] was largely the outgrowth of the [[w:Mexican–American War|Mexican war]]. Nations, like individuals, are punished for their transgressions. [[United States|We]] got [[United States|our]] [[American Civil War|punishment in the most sanguinary and expensive war]] of modern times.
**[[Ulysses S. Grant]], ''Personal Memoirs of General U. S. Grant'' (1885), Chapter 3
===J===
*It’s been well said—and by many people in many circumstances—that whom the Gods would destroy, they first make mad. These people in the Deep South were mad because they could have elected Douglas, and Douglas would have given them everything they wanted—everything that they wanted that was consistent with his election in the free states... Douglas was a radical expansionist. Both parts of the Democratic Party in 1860 called for the annexation of Cuba. And there were 100,000 slaves in Cuba, and Cuba was the place that slaves were still being brought from Africa and then resold in the United States. So under a Douglas presidency, we would have taken over the rest of Mexico and Central America whenever we had the resources and the appetite to take to do so. You can be sure that most of the Mexicans would have either been reduced to peonage or to slavery. '''In the Mexican War itself, in case you don't know it, we appropriated 60 percent of the land area of Mexico as it was then defined through the Spanish Conquest. So we increased the size of the United States by 40 percent and reduced Mexico by 60 percent'''.
**[[Harry Jaffa]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20140109042428/http://www.independent.org/events/transcript.asp?id=9#02 "The Real Abraham Lincoln: A Debate"] (7 May 2002), ''The Independent Institute''
===L===
* '''Any people anywhere being inclined and having the power have the right to rise up and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better.''' This is a most valuable, a most sacred right — a right which we hope and believe is to liberate the world. Nor is this right confined to cases in which the whole people of an existing government may choose to exercise it. Any portion of such people that can may revolutionize and make their own of so much of the territory as they inhabit... Military glory,—that attractive rainbow that rises in showers of blood.
**[[Abraham Lincoln]], [[s:Life_and_Works_of_Abraham_Lincoln/Volume_3/Arraignment_of_President_Polk_for_War_Against_Mexico#129|speech]] in the [[w:United States House of Representatives|United States House of Representatives]] opposing the [[w:Mexican–American War|Mexican war]] ([http://books.google.com/books?id=wiuRyJK6OocC&q=%22Military+glory+that+attractive+rainbow+that+rises+in+showers+of+blood%22&pg=PA106#v=onepage 12 January 1848])
* '''Allow the President to invade a neighboring nation, whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so, whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such purpose, and you allow him to make war at pleasure.''' Study to see if you can fix any limit to his power in this respect, after having given him so much as you propose. If, to-day, he should choose to say he thinks it necessary to invade Canada, to prevent the British from invading us, how could you stop him? You may say to him, "I see no probability of the British invading us" but he will say to you, "Be silent; I see it, if you don't."<p>'''The provision of the Constitution giving the war making power to Congress was dictated, as I understand it, by the following reasons. Kings had always been involving and impoverishing their people in wars, pretending generally, if not always, that the good of the people was the object. This, our Convention understood to be the most oppressive of all Kingly oppressions; and they resolved to so frame the Constitution that no one man should hold the power of bringing this oppression upon us.''' But your view destroys the whole matter, and places our President where kings have always stood.
**[[Abraham Lincoln]], letter, while U.S. Congressman, to his friend and law-partner [[w:William Herndon (lawyer)|William H. Herndon]], opposing the [[w:Mexican-American War|Mexican-American War]] (15 February 1848)
==External links==
{{Commons category}}
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}
*[http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/general-article/grant-mexican-american-war/ The Mexican American War] at WGBH.
[[Category:Wars and battles]]
[[Category:19th century in the United States]]
[[Category:History of Mexico]]
[[Category:19th-century military history]]
[[Category:1840s]]
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Law & Order/Season 5
0
184858
3935261
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2026-05-01T06:07:00Z
Bicam3ralMind
2956799
/* Virtue [5.08] */
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{{Italic title}}
:'''Seasons:''' [[Law & Order/Season 1|1]] [[Law & Order/Season 2|2]] [[Law & Order/Season 3|3]] [[Law & Order/Season 4|4]] [[Law & Order/Season 5|5]] [[Law & Order/Season 6|6]] [[Law & Order/Season 7|7]] [[Law & Order/Season 8|8]] [[Law & Order/Season 9|9]] [[Law & Order/Season 10|10]] [[Law & Order/Season 11|11]] [[Law & Order/Season 12|12]] [[Law & Order/Season 13|13]] [[Law & Order/Season 14|14]] [[Law & Order/Season 15|15]] [[Law & Order/Season 16|16]] [[Law & Order/Season 17|17]] [[Law & Order/Season 18|18]] [[Law & Order/Season 19|19]] [[Law & Order/Season 20|20]] [[Law & Order/Season 21|21]] [[Law & Order/Season 22|22]] [[Law & Order/Season 23|23]] | [[Law & Order|Main]]
'''''[[w:Law & Order|Law & Order]]''''' (1990–2010) is a long-running police procedural and courtroom drama television series, created by [[w:Dick Wolf|Dick Wolf]].
===''[[w:Second Opinion (Law & Order episode)|Second Opinion]]'' [5.01]===
:'''Secretary''': ''[as Briscoe and Logan arrest a suspect] ''Excuse me?
:'''Briscoe''': ''[walking past her]'' Don't mention it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': Haas tells one patient she's got a cure, it's a little white lie. She tells two patients, it's unforgivable. She tells three patients, she's a murderer. She tells ''four'' patients, she's a ''damn'' murderer, and it's ''all'' admissible!
=== ''Coma'' [5.02]===
:'''Briscoe''': Hey, if I open an account over there, I get free checking and a toaster.
:'''Logan''': A 2-slice or a 4-slice?
:'''Briscoe''': 4-slice. And if I deposit fifty grand, I get a VCR.
:'''Logan''': Hey, if you deposit fifty grand, I'm calling Internal Affairs.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dobson''': I don't need you to tell me I'm a son-of-a-bitch. I've been one a long time. I like it. The hours are good, and there's no heavy lifting. But I happen to be a son-of-a-bitch whose wife was shot by some other son-of-a-bitch!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joey''': ''[to Briscoe, after Logan knocks on the interrogation window]'' Who's that, your boss?
:'''Briscoe''': Yeah. ''[to the window]'' Hi, [[Bill Clinton|President Clinton]].
===''Blue Bamboo'' [5.03] ===
:'''McCoy''': If you're gonna play stickball in Canarsie, learn Brooklyn rules!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Samuels''': ''[about the deceased]'' He had a lot of energy. I, on the other hand, have a wife.
:'''Briscoe''': My condolences.
===''Family Values'' [5.04]===
:'''Schiff''': What is the matter with this girl?
:'''Kincaid''': She's obviously in love, desperately.
:'''McCoy''': As much as she is in denial.
:'''Kincaid''': Can you blame her? Every aspect of her life was controlled by her mother, almost to the point of cruelty. Martell was her window to the outside world.
:'''McCoy''': Not to mention that sleeping with him was a wonderful way of saying "Happy Mother's Day".
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Schiff''': You spend years trying to protect your children, and then a distinguished citizen like Martell comes along.
:'''McCoy''': He didn't just come along. He was invited in.
===''White Rabbit'' [5.05]===
:'''Briscoe''': What was the FBI doing in 1971?
:'''Logan''': I dunno, buying feather boas for [[J. Edgar Hoover]]?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': ''[about Forrest]'' She'll be in prison until 2003. The 60s should be over by then.
===''Competence'' [5.06]===
:'''Hoeck''': See these bloodstains here? That's type AB negative.
:'''Briscoe''': Oh good. I got dibs on his liver.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': I heard Zack Rowland cut a deal.
:'''McCoy''': Lieutenant, it's 9:00, I'm in a bar, I've got a glass of 8-year-old scotch in front of me, I don't talk business.
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': Tell me something counselor, were you born a wise-ass or did it just come with the job?
:'''McCoy''': I'm a pussycat. You should've seen my old man.
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': Your old man?
:'''McCoy''': He was a cop. You knew that. If it had been him who was unlucky enough to be in front of that ATM, there probably would have been ''2'' dead kids lying on the sidewalk.
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': And you would have ''dragged'' him in front of the grand jury.
:'''McCoy''': Damn right. I would have gotten an indictment, too. ''[looks at Van Buren and they laugh]''
===''Precious'' [5.07]===
:'''Schiff''': Nice to meet a man who says "'Til death do us part" and means it.
:'''McCoy''': If those were my children, I'd want that woman in prison.
:'''Schiff''': With a 50% chance that she's innocent? I wouldn't tell that to the next Mrs. McCoy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kincaid''': She's asked that her sentence to be delayed until she gave birth. She said she didn't want her child to be born in prison.
:'''McCoy''': Probably the safest place for the child.
:'''Schiff''': By the time she gets out of prison, the kid should be able to defend itself.
===''Virtue'' [5.08]===
:'''Mr. Talbert''': Not only was it consensual, it wasn't very good.
:'''McCoy''': ''[disgusted]'' You're a piece of work, Mr. Talbert.
<hr width="50%"/>
:<div align="justify">'''McCoy''': "Give me the keys to your house, or I'll charge you with murder. I'm the D.A. I can do it." "Give me $10,000, or I'll tell the Feds about that shipment of heroin I saw you pick up at J.F.K. I'm the D.A. They'll listen." What would you do? I can tell you what ''I'll'' be doing for the next ten years or so. I'll be in Attica because what I did is called extortion, and it's a felony. "Sleep with me, or I'll tell your boss that you're under indictment for fraud. It's not true, but do you really think you'll be working next week?" Sarah Maslin worked for eight years. She was the best, the most productive associate in her firm. She had clearly earned a partnership, but the only way that she could get it was to have sex with a man who had the power to make or break her career. Sarah Maslin laid down on that couch for Mr. Talbert. But can any of us say that she really had a choice?</div>
===''Scoundrels'' [5.09]===
:'''Briscoe''': Dead people. They're full of surprises.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': ''[after an elderly witness calls the squad]'' Any one of you have a girlfriend in a nursing home?
:'''Logan''': That would be Lennie.
===''House Counsel'' [5.10]===
:'''Schiff''': What is this, Bernie's Bargain Basement? "Cop to four murders, get only five years".
:'''McCoy''': When I made the deal, I had no idea.
:'''Schiff''': You had no idea because your blood was rushing downstream to somewhere south of the border.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': Justice is a by-product of winning.
===''Guardian'' [5.11]===
:'''Logan''': Nice lady, this Mrs. Blanchard. She was hosting cocktail parties while her daughter was living on the dole.
:'''Briscoe''': Right, she should have let the kid shoot the family fortune into her arm.
:'''Logan''': You'd throw your daughter out on the street?
:'''Briscoe''': My daughter could go through my fortune in about a day and a half.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Pollard:''' Well, I trust you're here to apologize, Lieutenant.
:'''Lt. Van Buren:''' I do my repenting on Sunday.
===''Progeny'' [5.12]===
:'''McCoy''': Well-meaning people can disagree, especially about the most socially divisive issue to face our country this century. Drew Seeley has an opinion about abortion. He thinks that his opinion entitles him to kill people. Here's what he did. He hunted down a woman named Eileen Reid, he gave Randall Jenkins a gun and told him to shoot Eileen Reid. And he did. Drew Seeley is a self-appointed executioner. If you let him go, you better just pray that one day, someone like him doesn't find some fault with you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Seeley''': 150 years ago, you weren't considered a person. Or you. Or you. A man named John Brown thought that was wrong so he took violent action to liberate black American slaves. Well, he was caught and brought to trial and hanged because slavery was legal and the law said that slaves were not people deserving of protection. But you know what? John Brown was right. And the law was wrong. Now John Brown is considered a hero. Today, abortion is legal but I tell you, that law is wrong. Like John Brown, I follow a higher law. I ask you to do the same.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': God calls you to organize murders. God calls you to take credit for murders. But God never calls on you to pull the trigger?
:'''Seeley''': Each of us has a role.
:'''McCoy''': You can't do it, can you? You can't bring yourself to shoot someone, even though you think God is telling you to do it, you can't do it.
:'''Seeley''': I put the gun in Randall's hand! I told him where to point it!
:'''McCoy''': You can't point a gun at another human being, even an abortion doctor, and pull the trigger, because in your soul, you know it's wrong!!
:'''Seeley''': God says it's right!
:'''McCoy''': You don't believe that!
:'''Seeley''': I believe in the Lord, my God...!
:'''McCoy''': Your defense is a lie!
:'''Seeley''': No! What is a lie is the arrogant belief that what you're doing here furthers justice!
:'''McCoy''': Answer my question, Mr. Seeley! You are unable to shoot doctors yourself, because in your soul, you know it's wrong.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dr. Moran''': ''[during her testimony]'' I was, in effect, committing murder.
:'''McCoy''': In effect?
:'''Dr. Moran''': I was committing murder.
:'''McCoy''': Fine. Would you please stand up?''[the doctor stands up]'' Officer, arrest this woman.
:'''Judge Scarletti''': Mr. McCoy!
:'''McCoy''': We've just heard a confession of murder, Your Honor. Officer?
:'''Judge Scarletti''': I'm not amused, Mr. McCoy!
:'''McCoy''': How many counts of murder shall we charge you with, Dr. Moran?
:'''Judge Scarletti''': MR. MCCOY! May I remind you that abortion is legal?
:'''McCoy''': ''[triumphantly]'' Thank you, your honor!
===''Rage'' [5.13]===
:'''Logan''': Any chance you like any of the men you work with?
:'''Female stockbroker:''' Give me a break, Detective. There's only two kinds of men that work on Wall Street. Standard and poor. ''[gives Logan a speculative look]'' But I hear that peace officers are a whole different story.
:''[Stockbroker enters limo. Briscoe and Logan look at each other.]''
:'''Briscoe''': ''[grins]'' You got your yardstick handy?
:'''Logan:''' Oh, I got my tape measure.
<hr width = "50%">
:'''Logan:''' It's weird. The guy's got more money than God, but he lives worse than I do.
:'''Lt. Van Buren:''' [[Howard Hughes]] never clipped his toenails. Got any homicides we can pin on him?
<hr width = "50%">
:'''Logan:''' ''[snatches a parking ticket from the windshield]'' Aww, what is this? They got no respect anymore, these meter maids.
<hr width = "50%">
:'''Logan:''' Well, you got your $2,000 suits and you got your hotshot degrees but, from where I'm standing, you're no better than some punk who robs a 7-11 store and blows away the cashier to cover his tracks.
:'''Greer''': I graduated ''summa cum laude'' from Harvard, ''magna'' from Stanford Business. I have seveteen traders working for me, and I booked almost a billion dollars in trades over the last two years. Not only am I better than your punk at the 7-11, I'm a hell of a lot better than ''you'', Detective Logan.
===''Performance'' [5.14]===
:'''Editor''': Rape isn't part of the swinging lifestyle. The pleasure comes from an open and willing sharing.
:'''Briscoe''': Ah, but whatever happened to romance?
:'''Editor''': Our readers are interested in exploring another side of their sexual selves.
:'''Logan''': Yeah. The side marked "this end up."
<hr width = "50%">
:''[Briscoe is reading a copy of The Swinger's Guide]''
:'''Logan''': What're you looking for, a date?
:'''Briscoe''': ''[reading]'' "Open-minded MBBF seeks mature man."
:'''Logan''': ''[looking puzzled]'' What's that? Male bisexual bondage freak?
:'''Briscoe''': I'm more in the mood for a BLT.
<hr width = "50%">
:'''McCoy''': Rule #1: Never drink at work. Rule #2: Never discuss work while drinking.
:'''Kincaid''': They've overturned the verdicts and remanded for a new trial. Evidence of the Mack Rangers is excluded.
:'''McCoy''': Rule #3: If Rule #2 is broken, never drink alone. ''[hands Kincaid a drink]''
===''Seed'' [5.15]===
:'''Logan''': The nuns at my school were less sanctimonious than that guy.
:'''Briscoe''': The nuns at your school never went to medical school. You know those MD plates gets you a better parking spot in heaven.
<hr width = "50%">
:'''Briscoe''': ''[to Logan]'' You know, if I didn't already know you didn't have kids, I'd know you don't have kids.
<hr width = "50%">
:''[Speaking of artificial insemination]''
:'''Beth''': It's the best relationship I ever had with a man.
:'''Briscoe''': I thought it was supposed to be anonymous.
:'''Beth''': That's exactly my point.
<hr width = "50%">
:''[Leaving the home of a pregnant lesbian couple]''
:'''Logan:''' Brother. And I thought I had it bad being brought up by 2 alcoholics.
:'''Briscoe:''' I wonder which mommy's gonna teach him how to smoke and drink.
:'''Logan:''' And shave.
:'''Briscoe:''' Well, it's the '90s. Everybody's allowed to be gross and disgusting, not just you.
:'''Logan:''' Well, all I know is I had one mommy, and she did enough ball-breaking for one lifetime.
===''Wannabe'' [5.16]===
:''[Discussing the chairman of the board of a prestigious private school]''
:'''McCoy''': Not coincidentally, he's the one who assured us of the school's full cooperation.
:'''Kincaid''': Instead, the school circled the limos to keep the Barclay name out of it.
:'''Schiff''': I'm shocked.
:'''McCoy''': This isn't stink bombs in the boy's room, Adam. They hindered prosecution of an A felony.
:'''Schiff''': Now I'm ''very'' shocked.
<hr width = "50%">
:''[In interrogation with Mr. Barclay and his son.]''
:'''Mr. Barclay:''' I guarantee you, it was Harrigan that put him up to it. He and his father, they're all alike, with their Irish temper, they lose control, and the next thing you know, you have a murder...
:'''McCoy:''' Oh, so Harrigan did it because he's a Mick? Detective Logan is a Mick. ''I'm'' a Mick, sir. And if you don't shut up, I'll lose control and throw you out of the room!
<hr width = "50%">
:''[McCoy has gathered the suspect's friends at the police station]''
:'''McCoy''': I'm Jack McCoy. I'm the Assistant District Attorney for New York County. You are invited here to talk to me about the murder of William Prescott. And make no mistake. You will talk to me. You're going to tell me everything you know about Colin Harrigan and Stuart Barclay's roles in that killing. If you don't, if you lie, I'll add a new word to your vocabulary. Conspiracy, to commit murder. You could serve as many years in prison as you have candles on your birthday cake. Who wants to speak first?
<hr width = "50%">
:'''Boy''': You don't scare me. You can't lay a hand on us.
:'''McCoy''': I don't see anyone here to stop them. ''[Police Officers]'' This isn't a music video, son, this is reality. A man is dead, and our patience is wearing thin.
<hr width = "50%">
:'''McCoy''': It's over, Stuart. Even your father realizes it. I've got you for conspiracy, and if I eat my Wheaties, I can get you for second degree murder. And I won't care that Colin actually pulled the trigger.
===''Act of God'' [5.17]===
:'''Schiff''': Palley's girlfriend is married?
:'''Kincaid''': The police didn't tell us.
:'''Schiff''': Don't you work here too?
:'''McCoy''': If I were Palley, I'd want to give the jury an alternate theory of the crime.
:'''Kincaid''': Blame the husband, blame the Mafia, blame the bogeyman.
:'''Schiff''': Sometimes the bogeyman ''is'' guilty.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy:''' I'm sorry about the cross-examination, detective, I just had to rule Palley out as a suspect.
:'''Briscoe:''' Hey, no problem. They pay me plenty to look like an idiot.
===''Privileged'' [5.18]===
:'''Logan:''' You know, the more I talk to these guys, it reminds me why I stay single.
:'''Briscoe:''' You mean it's not just the quality time you get to spend with yourself?
<hr width = "50%">
:''[After Logan has complained to Van Buren about the number of suspects, and Briscoe comes in with a lead on a suspect.]''
:'''Logan:''' Wow. That's almost a clue.
:'''Lt. Van Buren:''' And it beats heavy lifting.
:'''Briscoe:''' What?
:'''Logan:''' It's Anita's sense of humor.
:'''Lt. Van Buren:''' ''Lieutenant'' Anita to you.
===''Cruel and Unusual'' [5.19]===
:'''McCoy''': If you kick a dog enough he'll stop barking. He might even do tricks for you. But I don't know anyone who would call it humane.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': He knew the therapy wasn't working, and instead of admitting he was wrong, he just turned up the voltage.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mrs. Vilardi''': Mr. McCoy! You're made them close the clinic. Why?
:'''McCoy''': Mrs. Vilardi...
:'''Mrs. Vilardi''': They sent him home. I can't take care of him. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. You took away the only place he had. Do you want him, Mr. McCoy? Can he go home with you now? ''[McCoy says nothing]'' I didn't think so.
===[[w:Bad Faith (Law & Order episode)|''Bad Faith'']] [5.20]===
:'''Schiff''': Maybe Mr. Krolinsky's been behaving himself all these years.
:'''McCoy''': He just hasn't been caught. I've prosecuted pedophiles before, Adam. They defy rehabilitation.
:'''Schiff''': Even golfers retire.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': ''[about child molesters]'' There's people like him in every neighborhood. It could be the Little League coach, your kid's favorite teacher... It's too bad they don't glow in the dark.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': Your client is facing conviction on 19 counts of Aggravated Sex Abuse 1. Tack them together, they'll be growing tomatoes on Mars by the time he gets out.
:'''Krolinsky''': For God's sake, Mr. McCoy, I have a family.
:'''McCoy''': I feel sorry for them.
:'''Krolinsky''': No, listen, I wanna get help. I'm a sick man, I wanna get help-
:'''McCoy''': You're an adult! Your victims are children. There's nothing you could say that would make me feel sorry for you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Logan''': We called you Father! How could you do that to us? You even did it to your own kid. How could you do that?
===''Purple Heart'' [5.21]===
:'''Crime scene tech''': ''[while going through a dumpster for evidence]'' Last time we sifted a dumpster, the investigating officer got in there himself.
:'''Briscoe''': That's fascinating. I think you missed a spot over there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Denise''': I grew up in a two-room apartment. My mother sent me and my sisters to school with mashed potato sandwiches for lunch. I pulled myself above that. No one helped me. Not Danny. People thought he was charming. When he took that $15,000 from me, it was not charming.
===''Switch'' [5.22]===
:'''Briscoe''': My second wife always wanted a walk-in closet. Now I have one. Trouble is, I live in it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Schiff''': Nice, now you're saying the father didn't kill her. You oughtta take this roller coaster to Coney Island.
===''Pride'' [5.23]===
:'''Briscoe''': My respect for Durban is growing by the hour.
:'''Logan''': Yeah, he's so smart he's dead.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Powell''': Detective, are you familiar with a term police use to describe a murder in the gay community even before they know all the facts of the case? ''[Logan says nothing]'' Come now. Don't cause me the embarrassment of having to call up witnesses who've heard you say it.
:'''Logan''': It's called 'homo-cide'.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': Two in five Americans think homosexuality is a sin.
:'''Schiff''': Don't worry about two in five. Worry about one in twelve.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Law & Order seasons]]
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Law & Order/Season 9
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/* Disciple [9.15] */
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:'''Seasons:''' [[Law & Order/Season 1|1]] [[Law & Order/Season 2|2]] [[Law & Order/Season 3|3]] [[Law & Order/Season 4|4]] [[Law & Order/Season 5|5]] [[Law & Order/Season 6|6]] [[Law & Order/Season 7|7]] [[Law & Order/Season 8|8]] [[Law & Order/Season 9|9]] [[Law & Order/Season 10|10]] [[Law & Order/Season 11|11]] [[Law & Order/Season 12|12]] [[Law & Order/Season 13|13]] [[Law & Order/Season 14|14]] [[Law & Order/Season 15|15]] [[Law & Order/Season 16|16]] [[Law & Order/Season 17|17]] [[Law & Order/Season 18|18]] [[Law & Order/Season 19|19]] [[Law & Order/Season 20|20]] [[Law & Order/Season 21|21]] [[Law & Order/Season 22|22]] [[Law & Order/Season 23|23]] | [[Law & Order|Main]]
'''''[[w:Law & Order|Law & Order]]''''' (1990–2010, 2022-) is a long-running police procedural and courtroom drama television series, created by [[w:Dick Wolf|Dick Wolf]].
===''Cherished'' [9.01]===
:'''McCoy''': ''[after [[w:Abbie Carmichael|Abbie Carmichael]] has a seven-year-old boy arrested without consulting McCoy]'' I hear you're adding a children's wing to Death Row.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': I could probably get an indictment for manslaughter.
:'''Carmichael''': Manslaughter?! They never gave that baby a chance. They faked an identity for her. They never told anyone she needed medical attention.
:'''Schiff''': I don't see any intent here to kill this baby.
:'''Carmichael''': It's depraved indifference. Murder-2. They knew the baby was going to die. They didn't care one way or the other.
:'''Schiff''': Assumption. Charge them with Man-one.
:'''Carmichael''': We send a message that it's sort of okay to kill a baby? This isn't a couple of teenagers who killed their newborn because they were scared. These are two adults who went to a lot of trouble to dump a dying child and to cover their tracks. I may be the new kid here, but to me this sounds like murder.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': They'll be pariahs for the rest of their lives.
:'''Carmichael''': They lose a few friends. That's your idea of justice?
:'''McCoy''': 3-6 years in a state prison is not a cake walk. How many drug dealers got a free pass from you?
:'''Carmichael''': The ones who could give me someone bigger in return. All the Connerys have to offer is their plea-bargained remorse. She's ''still'' trying to blame it on Kostov. Did you see her husband cut her off?
:'''McCoy''': She's the least culpable of the 3.
:'''Carmichael''': ''[exasperated]'' Oh, gentlemen, please! That sorry excuse for a woman has a hole in her soul.
:'''Schiff''': That's enough.
:'''McCoy''': I can take care of myself, Adam.
:'''Schiff''': Then remain objective. It was Edward Connery's actions that directly caused the little girl's death, and he's an attorney. He knew what he was doing.
:'''McCoy''': The Connerys will never do this again. Kostov has and will, over and over again.
:'''Schiff''': Are Kostov's children better off in the new homes?
:'''Carmichael''': All but Marianna. ''[beat]'' I have a solution that will make us all happy.
:'''McCoy''': What's that?
:'''Carmichael''': No deals for anybody. Let's hang 'em all.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[after Kostov and the Connerys have been convicted of the baby's death]''
:'''Carmichael''': Man-1 all around. I'll start working on the pre-sentencing reports. Any suggestions?
:'''McCoy''': You mean who should spend more time in prison? Kostov or the Connerys? Don't get me started.
:'''Carmichael''': We can always skip the report and take no position. Leave it to the judge.
:'''McCoy''': Let's do that for the sake of world peace.
:'''Carmichael''': The Warings filed a petition to get their son back. We have until the end of the week to file our objections.
:'''McCoy''': Can you and I agree that we're too busy?
:'''Carmichael''': ''[beat]'' Deal.
===''DWB'' [9.02]===
:'''[[w:Lennie Briscoe|Briscoe]]''': Good old Ray-Ray. The trick was giving him a number he couldn't forget. Three. Rhymes with "squeegee".
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Jack McCoy|McCoy]]''': Your first death sentence. You OK with it?
:'''[[w:Abbie Carmichael|Carmichael]]''': I only have one thing bothering me. Ray-Ray, the squeegee man? The cops told him which one was Fortelli.
:'''[[w:Jack McCoy|McCoy]]''': I know, I told them to. Perfectly legal. We were never going to use the identification at trial anyway.
:'''[[w:Abbie Carmichael|Carmichael]]''': Legal or not...
:'''[[w:Jack McCoy|McCoy]]''': Major felonies, Abbie. Welcome to the bigs.
===''Bait'' [9.03]===
:'''Rivera''': Are you gonna take the word of a dope dealer over a cop?
:'''Curtis''': Wearing a badge doesn't make you a cop!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Curtis''': ''[about Rivera]'' Guy protects his turf.
:'''Briscoe''': He probably pees a circle around his desk every morning.
===''Flight'' [9.04]===
:'''Briscoe''': Aaron Downing, you're under arrest for the murder of Ryan Downing. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and will be used against you. You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney...
:'''Curtis''': Lennie, you can skip the next part, he's got a wad of cash, his passport, an airline ticket to the Fiji Islands.
:'''Briscoe''': This way, Robinson Crusoe.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': ''[about Downing]'' He's the man in the gray flannel suit.
:'''Carmichael''': With a syringe in the pocket.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Allgen C.E.O.''': This is just about the Downing boy.
:'''Carmichael''': Yeah, just one dead little boy. That help you sleep better?
===''Agony'' [9.05]===
:'''McCoy''': The New York County District Attorney's Office can't - no, won't - knowingly convict a man of the wrong crime. What are you thinking?
:'''Carmichael''': I'm just taking a page from the Jack McCoy playbook. Nobody gets to bend the rules but you?
:'''McCoy''': I've bent the rules to convict the right person of the right crime. This isn't bending. It's turning the law against itself.
:'''Carmichael''': You once hid a witness to get the result you wanted.
:'''McCoy''': And I was wrong then. You're wrong now. Don't wait until until you're facing a disciplinary committee to realize it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': A week from tomorrow, you'll be on a plane, sandwiched between 2 of Houston's finest.
:'''Bergstrom''': ''[panicked]'' You can't do this!
:'''Carmichael''': You'll have a speedy trial. Your lawyer will file a couple of appeals. He'll lose. And before you know it, bang, there's that pesky needle.
:'''Bergstrom''': ''[to McCoy]'' What are you doing? You're just sitting there. Make her shut up!
:'''McCoy''': Miss Carmichael...
:'''Carmichael''': I'm not done. I'm going to be there, and if they'd let me do it, I'd push one of the plungers, and pray it's the one that delivers the fatal dose.
:'''Bergstrom''': Get her out of here! Get her out!
:'''Carmichael''': How does it feel, Mr. Bergstrom? You killed all those women, and now a woman is going to return the favor.
:'''Bergstrom''': You won't...
:'''Carmichael''': Pretty damn ironic, isn't it?
:'''Bergstrom''': You won't kill me, I won't let you.
:'''Carmichael''': Try and stop me.
:'''Bergstrom''': I'll plead to one of the other ones. The one by the train tracks.
:'''Lazar''': Hang on...
:'''McCoy''': Murder-1, life without parole.
:'''Lazar''': Mr. Bergstrom...
:'''Bergstrom''': Yeah, okay! She doesn't say what happens to me!
:'''Carmichael''': ''[pause]'' Fine. If you change your mind, I'll be waiting...
:'''Bergstrom''': No, you sit! You listen to what I did to her. ''[with relish]'' I cut her, and she screamed. I burned her, and she screamed louder. I pushed my fist into her, and she passed out. I made her say she admired me. I had total control. Total.
===''Scrambled'' [9.06]===
:''[A fertility doctor has been murdered]''
:'''Curtis''': Who might have had a grudge against this place?
:'''Kravitz''': The Pope.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Briscoe''': I thought my sex life was complicated when I had to wear a condom.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Purcell''': Why are they arguing about embryos when my wife is dead? Sarah was not a "potential" human being!
===''Venom'' [9.07] ===
:'''Pollock''': ''[seeing Skoda stand up]'' What are you doing?
:'''Skoda''': I'm going to write my report.
:'''Pollock''': You didn't even listen to me.
:'''Skoda''': Oh, well. Trust me, I've heard it all before.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': It's your wife or your mother, Denny. It doesn't get any simpler than that.
===''Punk'' [9.08]===
:'''Judge Randall''': You're charged with murder in the first degree. How do you plead?
:'''Alice''': Not guilty.
:'''Pinsky''': The defendant is serving state time, so bail is moot.
:'''Judge Randall''': She's remanded. Any other business?
:''[Alice confides with Pinsky; Randall and Abbie overhear their conversation]''
:'''Judge Randall''': What is it, Mr. Pinsky?
:'''Pinsky''': My client is asking me to make an application I feel is clearly inappropriate.
:'''Judge Randall''': Spit it out, please.
:'''Pinsky''': Well, she wants to disqualify Miss Carmichael.
:'''Alice''': Aren't you gonna say anything?
:'''Pinsky''': Judge, I am not going to waste the court's time with this.
:'''Alice''': Could I represent myself? 'Cause this lawyer's worthless.
:'''Judge Randall''': Talk to me, Miss Simonelli.
:'''Alice''': ''[points at Abbie]'' She should not be prosecutin' this case. She's prejudiced against me.
:'''Abbie''': That's ridiculous.
:'''Judge Randall''': Let her finish.
:'''Alice''': She locked me up three years ago, just 'cause I couldn't help her. She's got a grudge against me.
:'''Abbie''': Your honor, this woman has some kind of persecution complex.
:'''Judge Randall''': Save your breath, Miss Carmichael. ''[to Alice]'' I'm sorry. I can't disqualify an ADA from a case simply because she...
:'''Alice''': All I want is a fair trial. This BITCH is out to get me!
:'''Judge Randall''': ''[bangs gavel]'' Enough! Take her out.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Carmichael cross-examines an inmate who had been raped by a corrections officer]''
:'''Alice''': I was ashamed.
:'''Carmichael''': Why would you feel ashamed if it wasn't your fault?
:'''Alice''': Have you ever been raped, Miss Carmichael? Maybe I felt stupid for being where Charlie Tyner could rape me.
:'''Carmichael''': ''[taken aback]'' So now you blame yourself.
:'''Alice''': Yes.
:'''Carmichael''': But now, instead of punishing yourself, you punish Charlie Tyner.
:'''Alice''': No, no...
:'''Carmichael''': You had Luis Pachenko force him to his knees...
:'''Alice''': He was killing me!
:'''Carmichael''': ...And beg for his life.
:'''Alice''': I just wanted to go home to my daughter. Charlie knew that. He was usin' that. He was never gonna stop. I was just scared all the time! Can't you understand that?! He had all the power! I was nothin'!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': Need a lift?
:'''Carmichael''': Go ahead. I'll call a cab. I need to take a breath.
:'''McCoy''': Want to talk about it? Or not. Whatever you feel comfortable with.
:'''Carmichael''': ''[turns to leave, but suddenly turns back]'' I was a freshman. He was a 3rd-year law student. We were on a date ... I never told anybody. I blamed myself. But not anymore.
===''True North'' [9.09]===
:'''Bank Manager''': I believe you're aware the Canadian government has instructed me not to comply with this subpoena.
:'''Carmichael''': That's nice. Are they going to send the Canadian army down here to help you carry your money and computers home?
:'''Manager''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Carmichael''': This bank is in New York county. ''[points]'' Those detectives are going to take it apart brick by brick to look for the documentation we've subpoenaed.
:'''Manager''': That doesn't make sense. The transfer you're interested in originated in Ontario.
:'''Carmichael''': These detectives are about to search every account file, every computer disk. It'll take a couple of weeks. You can close the bank down now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Petoskey''': First of all, I am ''not'' a drug dealer...
:'''Carmichael''': Right. You just collect rare cocaine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': We got Stephanie Harker's letter request to transfer $50,000 to Doris Nichols. It came by courier from Muskoka.
:'''McCoy''': ''[surprised]'' They caved.
:'''Carmichael''': Morals are morals. Money is money.
:'''McCoy''': Who are you going to shake down to get her car, the Royal Autoclub?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': "Nice" for Stephanie seems to mean she hasn't killed you yet.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': Your good friend Wendy told us that you'd been dumped before. Is that right?
:'''Stephanie''': It happens.
:'''McCoy''': By a rich boy who treated you like trash. Your father owned a souvenir stand, right?
:'''Stephanie''': Yes.
:'''McCoy''': Is that why the boy dumped you?
:'''Stephanie''': There is nothing wrong with the souvenir stand.
:'''McCoy''': Then why were you so desperate to get out of there?
:'''Stephanie''': I had some bad memories.
:'''McCoy''': Of being dumped because you were poor trash?
:'''Stephanie''': Look, I was an idiot! He wanted one thing: My body, and he got it!
:'''McCoy''': You weren't gonna let that happen again, were you?
:'''Stephanie''': No!
:'''McCoy''': From then on, ''you'' were going to be the one using people.
:'''Stephanie''': I don't ''use'' people!
:'''McCoy''': How 'bout the used car king? How 'bout your husband?
:'''Stephanie''': I helped my husband in a lot of ways!
:'''McCoy''': The chairman of a multi-million-dollar software company? How exactly does a drug-whacked daughter of a souvenir stand owner help him?!
:'''Stephanie''': There were plenty of things my husband didn't understand. Him and his friends. Jane Austen, like that matters.
:'''McCoy''': He understood you, though, didn't he?
:'''Stephanie''': What do you mean?
:'''McCoy''': He finally understood that you were just a hick town party girl who didn't belong here.
:'''Paulsen''': Objection! He's harassing the witness.
:'''Judge Manheim''': Sustained. Watch it, Mr. McCoy.
:'''Stephanie''': I belong here as much as any of them!
:'''McCoy''': Did he tell you he was shipping you out?!
:'''Stephanie''': Nobody ships me anywhere!
:'''McCoy''': He'd be able to face his friends again, wouldn't he?
:'''Stephanie''': Bunch of snobs!
:'''Paulsen''': Your honor, may we have a recess?
:'''McCoy''': It's not being a snob if they're really better than you!
:'''Stephanie''': The women were jealous of me! The men all wanted to get me in bed!
:'''McCoy''': And you were happy to oblige!
:'''Stephanie''': No! Not anymore! Nobody takes advantage of me anymore!
:'''McCoy''': You were on your way back to that souvenir stand, weren't you?! Where you belong?
:'''Stephanie''': I am smarter than all of them! They had it handed to them! I had to work for it! They think I was trash! They don't know anything!!
===''Hate'' [9.10]===
:'''Stymons''': We kick ass for the white race!
:'''Briscoe''': Don't look so pleased with yourself.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Willis''': Hate's not good. It's just necessary.
===''Ramparts'' [9.11]===
:'''Carmichael''': ''[annoyed that McCoy is willing to plea out a murder suspect in return for secret police files]'' For God's sake, Jack, why don't you just start your own country? No cops, no bad guys, just sweetness and light as far as the eye can see!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': If the police department doesn't want to be embarrassed by its behavior, perhaps it shouldn't behave that way!
===''Haven'' [9.12]===
:'''Briscoe''': ''[about Affirmative Action]'' You wouldn't have gotten any complaints from me; it came in after I joined the department and it'll still be there when I'm gone.
:'''Curtis''': Well you wouldn't have liked my answers. When I was filling out my application, when it asked about race, I checked 'none of the above'.
:'''Carmichael''': Well I'd like to think I got where I am on my own merit.
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': So would I, but I got 2,000 pages of legal documents that say contrary.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Schiff''': This kid killed the man that was helping him. Until you can tell me why, you can have all the forensic evidence in the world, you won't get a conviction.
===''Hunters'' [9.13]===
:'''Difka''': Always eatin' our dust, huh, Briscoe?
:''[Briscoe punches him]''
:'''Briscoe''': Don't even think about it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': No crime, no cover up. 3 people dead, and no one's accountable.
:'''Schiff''': Justice on a budget. What'd you end up charging them with?
:'''Carmichael''': Tampering with evidence. An E felony.
:'''Schiff''': Oh.
:'''Carmichael''': We arraigned them, they posted bail. $2,000. Then they walk away from 3 murders.
:'''McCoy''': We can always hope they jump bail.
===''Sideshow'' [9.14]===
:'''Munch''': I don't believe a woman is gay until she personally rejects me.
:'''Woman in bar''': You must know a lot of lesbians!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Munch''': Place is negative for condoms, or any kind of contraceptive devices. Ditto peekaboo bras, Merry Widows, any Doc Johnson products. This lady had no discernible sex life!
:'''Briscoe''': Maybe she enjoyed solitaire
===''Disciple'' [9.15]===
:'''Schiff''': Whatever happened to sending the kid to her room?
:'''Carmichael''': They tried that. The mother kept her chained to a radiator.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': There's no church here! Rose Hallacy was a loose cannon!
:'''McCoy''': Who didn't take a dime from Margot Gracen or anybody else, ministered to these people out of the goodness of her heart, gave up worldly things to do the work of God.
:'''Carmichael''': Spoken like a parochial schoolboy.
:'''McCoy''': 6 years at St. Ignatius.
:'''Carmichael''': Did they teach you how to do exorcisms, Jack?
:'''McCoy''': They taught us to have a healthy respect for the devil.
:'''Carmichael''': The only devil in this case is the woman we're trying for murder.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': The Crusades. Islamic jihad. Holy wars. There is an oxymoron if ever there was one. Are these slaughters excused because they were perpetrated in the name of God? And those are the easy cases. Rosa Halacy isn't some bloodthirsty crusader bent on wiping out the infidel. She's a woman who heard the voice of God tell her to save a child from the Devil. What do you make of Rosa Halacy and her calling? I can't answer it myself. Mr. Wade says you can't convict her because she's a good person, maybe even a holy person. I'm not sure I disagree with his characterization, but it brings you right back to the contradiction. Can a righteous person commit a wrongful act? What I do know is that Rosa Halacy is flesh and blood, like you and me. We can't let Rosa Halacy assert for herself the power we vest in our Supreme Being. She may hear God, but she may not play God. Just because she has a divine mission, it doesn't exempt her from the code of human behavior. When she squeezed the life out of Kira Grayson in the back room of her apartment, she violated that code. Her passion for God, however tangible and heartfelt, rendered her oblivious to the mortality of Kira Grayson. She's responsible for the consequences of her convictions. And just as her God holds her accountable, so should we.
===''Harm'' [9.16]===
:'''[[w:Abbie Carmichael|Carmichael]]''': Doctors. I can't believe my mother wanted me to marry one.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Jack McCoy|McCoy]]''': It may be time to make the best deal we can with all of them. 2 years probation, a fine.
:'''Carmichael''': Oh, a fine! Ouch! Those poor doctors might have to hock one of their Porsche's.
:'''McCoy''': Abby, there isn't much of a case left.
:'''Carmichael''': But there's still a victim! Jack, she went in a healthy woman, she came out a corpse!
:'''McCoy''': Between the 2 of us, depraved indifference is a reach. Criminally negligent homicide is a gift! I wouldn't squander it.
:'''Carmichael''': You make excuses, I'll make the case.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Defense Attorney''': Miss Carmichael, we'd like to discuss a deal.
:'''Carmichael''': Why should I cut your client a break?
:'''Defense Attorney''': Well, you haven't proven negligence yet.
:'''Carmichael''': But here you are.
===''Shield'' [9.17]===
:'''Carmichael''': Did Pelham ever complain to internal affairs about her? That she assaulted him or was stalking him?
:'''IA Lieutenant''': We don't have anything on file like that. We got reports she spends a lot of time in the gym with her fellow female officers.
:'''McCoy''': Your point?
:'''IA Lieutenant''': Maybe she's got a problem with men.
:'''Carmichael''': Thank you for dropping by, lieutenant. Careful you don't get carpet burns on your knuckles.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': After six years, I still don't know what cops are about.
:'''McCoy''': I grew up with one. I don't know, either.
:'''Carmichael''': Well, they're real good at circling the wagons to protect themselves from the likes of us.
:'''McCoy''': And who protects them from each other?
===''Juvenile'' [9.18]===
:'''McCoy''': Andrew Hampton accepted our offer. Attempted Man 1, 6-12 years in jail.
:'''Carmichael''': Well hopefully his sister will be joining him.
:'''McCoy''': You don't think he can convince a jury Nicole put him up to it?
:'''Carmichael''': I think she'll toss her hair back a few times and convince them she didn't.
:'''McCoy''': Really cynical, Abby.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': Your Honor, the defendant was identified by the witness and can be linked to the weapon. It's a matter of luck he's not here facing a murder charge. The People request half a million dollars bail.
:'''Andrew's attorney''': Something more reasonable, Your Honor?
:'''Judge Torledsky''': 150, cash or bond. ''[to the stenographer]'' That's thousands, Arthur. May 15th. Next.
===''Tabula Rasa'' [9.19]===
:'''McCoy''': It's Jonestown without the Kool-Aid.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Briscoe''': I'd hate to have somebody track me by what I read.
:'''Curtis''': You read, Lennie?
===''Empire'' [9.20]===
:'''Ludlow''': The line between charming someone out of $1,000,000 and being perceived as a charity whore sometimes gets blurred.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ludlow''': You don't get it, Curtis. One hundred years from now, we're all ashes and dust, and no one will remember who slept with whom, or who was naughty and who was nice. They'll look up at that incredible piece of steel and concrete and know that I was a part of it.
:'''Curtis''': The first public building named after a convicted murderer.
:'''Ludlow''': Hardly the first. The Parthenon, the Temple of the Vestals. They have names of emperors on them. And talk about murderers.
:'''Curtis''': Pro bono publico?
:'''Ludlow''': Relax, detective. The empire isn't going to fall tonight. Go on. Go home to your wife.
===''Ambitious'' [9.21]===
:'''Stripper''': Can you guys make it quick? I gotta cram for my psych exam before the happy hour crunch!
:'''Curtis''': Wouldn't you do better in a library?
:'''Stripper''': Hey, I'm covering my tuition and fulfilling a public service.
:'''Briscoe''': Oh, which one's that?
:'''Stripper''': Read the literature. Clubs like this, they boost a man's testosterone level. He leaves here feeling confident. More productive...
:'''Briscoe''': ...and broke.
:'''Stripper''': Then everybody's happy!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Briscoe''': You recognize this girl?
:'''Pizza guy''': She an actress?
:'''Briscoe''': She moonlights at a hooter bar when she's not playing Lady Macbeth.
===''Admissions'' [9.22]===
:'''McCoy''': Any indication it's Clemente?
:'''Carmichael''': The cops asked him for a DNA sample, he refused.
:'''McCoy''': Did he have a reason?
:'''Carmichael''': Outrage. He says the suspicion of him is racist.
:'''Schiff''': Only Hispanic professor on a white campus. Could be he's right.
:'''Carmichael''': Could be he did it.
:'''McCoy''': Let's make sure we're not trashing this man's reputation just because he's uncooperative.
:'''Carmichael''': But let's not let it go just because he's screaming racism!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': Peter Kelly's been expelled.
:'''McCoy''': What does he care? Probably go into the family business.
:'''Carmichael''': As long as it doesn't require a conscience.
===''Refuge: Part 1'' [9.23] ===
:'''McCoy''': Tell Mr. Margolis he can stuff his motion to dismiss.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Carmichael''': Malenkov's gotta be making a quarter of a million a month by massaging sore muscles.
:'''McCoy''': Ain't America grand?
:'''Carmichael''': You've gotta hand it to him, though. He's been here 6 years, he's working the system like a slot machine. I'm still trying to figure out alternate side of the street parking.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Maletkov''': You think because we have an accent, we're stupid? When I was 14, at a state school in Moscow, I was reading Anderson, Faulkner, Hemingway. I was studying John Keynes, Milton Friedman...
:'''McCoy''': ''[impatiently]'' Mr. Maletkov, I...!
:'''Maletkov''': Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. I made a lot of money in Russia. You think that's easy? You try it. So, when I come here... ''[scoffs; snaps fingers]'' America's like a big baby. We're taking candy out of your hand. Out of your mouth. So... ''[speaks Russian]'' Save your deals for the pipe heads in Harlem. I have appointment to play chess. Okay?
===''Refuge: Part 2'' [9.24] ===
:'''McCoy''': I wanna know how this disaster happened.
:'''Briscoe''': Best guess, Ricci was followed from work.
:'''McCoy''': Why wasn't a police officer stationed in the apartment?!
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': In a one-bedroom? That would've been cozy. We tried putting someone downstairs in the vestibule, but the tenants complained!
:'''McCoy''': Lieutenant, I don't have to tell you...!
:'''Lt. Van Buren''': No. You don't. We're treating this like Ricci was one of our own. What are you gonna do about this retrial?
:'''McCoy''': I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Briscoe and Curtis enter the apartment of two sisters concerning Gabriel]''
:'''Louisa''': I don't know where Gabriel is. He's driving a cab.
:'''Briscoe''': That's why we need to talk to him. He ever lend it to anybody?
:'''Louisa''': No! I don't know. Look, I don't got time to talk to you!
:'''Briscoe''': ''[shows Louisa photos]'' Hey, did you ever see him with either of these 2 people?
:'''Belinca''': She don't ''hardly'' see Gabriel, except to make another stupid baby!
:'''Louisa''': Cállate!
:''[both sisters argue in Spanish]''
:'''Curtis''': Hey! Hey! Hey! Did Gabriel mess with you? Is that why you don't like him?
:'''Belinca''': I take care of myself. I don't like him, but she lets him beat her when she's all pregnant like that.
:'''Curtis''': Well, you show us where he is, we make sure he doesn't mess with your sister again. All right?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Volsky''': ''[after he and his fellow mobsters have been sentenced]'' Go ahead. Try and kill me. I'm not afraid. I'm tough. I'll survive.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''McCoy''': Following the rules does not put you above the law. Just ask the Swiss bankers who appropriated the unclaimed accounts of Holocaust victims. Following the rules does not explain how someone who runs a bank could be so incompetent, so gullible. There ''can'' be only one explanation. Mr. Radford willingly turned a blind eye to what was obviously a criminal enterprise. And the Russian mob didn't have to cut off his uncle's hands to get him to do it. All they had to do was wave a fat commission in front of him. Now, some might think that money laundering is just some white-collar crime far removed from our everyday concerns. Let me remind you what money laundering is really about. Mr. Radford made his commission on the backs of these people. This country has always been a beacon to the world for liberty and justice. That's why we keep our borders open. But we're also a beacon for another kind of people, for criminals and con men. We rely on the law to protect us from them. Sometimes, that's not enough. Do we need more law, less freedom? Do we cross out parts of the Constitution? I've learned that's not the answer. The answer is that each one of us is responsible to everyone else. Not one of us can afford to turn a blind eye. By respecting the laws we do have, by living up to the true meaning of the word "citizen", we preserve our common good. Through his deliberate ignorance, Mr. Radford allowed a criminal enterprise to flourish. Innocent people to be killed. He allowed a cancer to grow. This is where it has to stop. Here in this court room, with you.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Law & Order seasons]]
8drt7ur0glej2xwheoanag8u24ps4h0
Steve Jobs (2015 film)
0
185375
3935024
3776535
2026-04-30T15:24:19Z
UnknownMorsel
3106105
/* Steve Jobs */
3935024
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steve Jobs (2015 film)|Steve Jobs]]''''' is a 2015 drama film about the life of Apple Computers founder [[Steve Jobs]].
:''Directed by [[w:Danny Boyle|Danny Boyle]]. Written by [[Aaron Sorkin]], based on the non-fiction book ''[[w:Steve Jobs (book)|Steve Jobs]]'' by [[w:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]].''
{{center|'''Can a Great Man Be a Good Man?'''}}
==Steve Jobs==
* ''[to Andy Hertzfeld]'' Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to announce the names of everyone who designed the launch demo. I'm gonna introduce everyone and ask them to stand up. "The bag was designed by Susan Kate. The Macintosh font that's scrolling across the screen was designed by Steve Kapps. The starry night and skywriting was Bruce Horn." Mac Paint. Mac Write. ''ALICE''. Down to the calculator! And then I'm gonna say, "The voice demo that ''didn't'' work was designed by Andy Hertzfeld." […] Five in six is your chance of surviving the first round of Russian Roulette, and you've reversed those odds. So unless you wanna be disgraced in front of your friends, family, colleagues, stockholders and the press, I wouldn't stand here arguing. Now go try and get some more bullets out of the gun. (after a moment of brief silence) '''''DO IT, ANDY!'''''
* John, listen to me: Whoever said "The customer is always right" was, I promise you, a customer.
* I forced the vote because I believed I was right. I still believe I'm right, and I'm ''right''. Now, I bled that night, and I don't bleed. But time's done its thing, and I really haven't thought about it in a while.
==Steve Wozniak==
* We will know soon enough if you are [[Leonardo Da Vinci]] or just think you are.
* It's not binary. You can be gifted and decent at the same time.
==Others==
* '''John Sculley''': ''[to Steve]'' Don't play stupid; you can't pull it off.
* '''Lisa Brennan''': I had two different Harvard statisticians try to reverse-engineer the equation that ''you'' came up with to prove that 28% of American men could be my father. You know, my mother might be a troubled woman, but what’s your excuse? That’s why I’m not impressed with your story, dad! It’s that you ''knew'' what I was going through, and you didn’t do anything about it, and that makes you an unconscionable coward. And not for nothing, but “Think” is a verb, alright? Making “Different” an adverb. You’re asking people to “Think Differently”. And you-- And you can talk about the Bauhaus movement and Braun and "simplicity is sophistication" and Issey Miyake uniforms and Bob Dylan lyrics all you want, but that thing? ''(pointing at one of the posters of the iMac)'' Looks like Judy Jetson's easy-bake oven.
==Dialogue==
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, we're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.
:'''Steve Jobs''': You didn't have seconds, you had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, some day, you'll have to tell us how you did it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': I'm begging you to manage expectations.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Have I ever let you down?
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Every single goddamn time.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Then I'm due.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Why has Lisa not heard of me?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Shit, man, how many fourth graders ''have'' heard of you?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You can't write code. You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. ''I'' built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Park! Jeff Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Everything-- Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I play the orchestra. And you're a good musician, ''[points towards the first violin chair]'' you sit right there, you're the best in your role.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Didn't you just answer that?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at 6500, and that doesn't include the optional $3000 hardrive which people will discover ''isn't'' optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the $2500 laser printer brings the total to $12000, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me something else I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': When are you gonna get furniture?
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's not an easy process.
:'''John Sculley''': It is. You buy a couch, take it from there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Joanna's gonna call my name in a second.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Steve?
:'''Steve Jobs''': That was unrehearsed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': I can't put it more simply than this: we need to put our resources into updating the Apple II.
:'''Steve Jobs''': By taking resources from the Mac!
:'''John Sculley''': It's failing. That's a fact.
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's overpriced.
:'''John Sculley''': There's no evidence that it's--
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''I'm'' the evidence! I'm the world's leading expert in the Mac, John, what's your resume?!
:'''John Sculley''': You're issuing contradictory instructions, you're insubordinate, you make people miserable, our top engineers are fleeing to Sun, Dell, HP, Wall Street doesn't know who's driving the bus, we've lost hundreds of millions in value, and I'm the CEO of Apple, Steve, ''that's'' my resume.
:'''Steve Jobs''': But before that, you sold carbonated sugar water, right? I sat in a fucking garage with Wozniak and invented the future, because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': You're gonna end me, aren't you?
:'''Steve Jobs''': You're being ridiculous...I'm gonna sit center court and watch you do it yourself. Then I’m gonna order a nice meal with a ‘55 Margaux, and sign some autographs.
:'''John Sculley''': ''Jesus Christ!''
:'''Steve Jobs''': You want some advice, Pepsi Generation? Don’t send Woz out to slap me around in the press. Anybody else. You, Markkula, Arthur Rock, anyone but 'Rain Man'. Don’t manipulate him like that. Whatever you may think, I’m always gonna protect him.
:'''John Sculley''': Come on, Steve.
:'''Steve Jobs''': '''''That's what men do'''''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I don't want people to dislike me. I'm indifferent to whether they dislike me.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, since it doesn't matter, I always have.
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[unemotionally]'' Really. I've always liked you. That's unfortunate.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me what's wrong with you this morning.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[crying]'' What's been wrong with me for 19 years. I have been a witness, and I tell you I've been complicit. I love you, Steve. You know how much. I love that you don't care how much money a person makes; you care what they make. But what you make isn't supposed to be the best part of you. When you're a father... that's what's supposed to be the best part of you, and it's caused me two decades of agony. Steve... that it is for you... the worst. It's a little thing... it's a very small thing. Fix it. Fix it now or you can contact me at my new job working anywhere I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': This whole place was built by the Apple II, ''you'' were built by the Apple II!
:'''Steve Jobs''': As a matter of fact, I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios! Or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': The Newton...
:'''Steve Jobs''': The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, you, like, ''want'' people to know that. This is a product launch, not a luncheon. And the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Everybody loves Ringo.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': And I'm tired of being patronized by you!
:'''Steve Jobs''': You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.
:'''Andrea Cunningham''': [to the people in the auditorium watching this] Everybody! Look, I want to clear the auditorium...
:'''Steve Jobs''': Nobody moves! ''[to Woz]'' You made a beautiful board which, by the way, you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[gesturing around the auditorium]'' These people live and die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[after a long pause]'' No.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's ''right''.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Sorry, but no.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me. Now why is that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[suddenly walking into the auditorium]'' What the hell is going on here?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[as he walks away]'' Nothing. Thank you for your time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[to Steve Wozniak]'' You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say "Steve was the big picture guy and I liked a solid workbench". When people ask the difference now, I say "Steve’s an asshole". Your products are better than you are, brother.
:'''Steve Jobs''': That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!
:'''Steve Wozniak''': It's not binary! You can be decent and gifted at the same time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': You know what LISA stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': The computer -- the LISA, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': I'm sorry I said that about the iMac, it's not what I really think--
:'''Steve Jobs''': Behind my back, at the office, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': "Local Integrated System Architecure"! I was ''five!'' Why couldn't you just lie?!
:'''Steve Jobs''': I did. Of course it was named after you. "Local Integrated System Architecure" doesn't even mean anything.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say it wasn't, all those years?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I honestly don't know.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say you weren't my father?
:'''Steve Jobs''': ...I'm poorly made.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'm gonna put music in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': A hundred songs. A thousand songs. Five hundred songs. Somewhere between five hundred and a thousand songs. Right in your pocket. Because I can't stand looking at that ridiculous Walkman anymore. You're carrying around a brick playing a cassette tape. We're not savages. I'm gonna put a thousand songs in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': You can do that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': We're very close. All I have to do really is wipe out the record business as we know it and we'll be all set.
==Cast==
*[[w:Michael Fassbender|Michael Fassbender]] - [[Steve Jobs]]
*[[Kate Winslet]] - Joanna Hoffman
*[[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] - Steve Wozniak
*[[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - Andy Hertzfeld
*[[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - John Sculley
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=2080374|title=Steve Jobs}}
[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]]
[[Category:Films about computing]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin]]
[[Category:2010s British films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Danny Boyle]]
[[Category:Business films]]
dfjq46lirm8i0jsfdroxkxr3oa4lr4g
3935025
3935024
2026-04-30T15:25:41Z
UnknownMorsel
3106105
/* Steve Jobs */
3935025
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steve Jobs (2015 film)|Steve Jobs]]''''' is a 2015 drama film about the life of Apple Computers founder [[Steve Jobs]].
:''Directed by [[w:Danny Boyle|Danny Boyle]]. Written by [[Aaron Sorkin]], based on the non-fiction book ''[[w:Steve Jobs (book)|Steve Jobs]]'' by [[w:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]].''
{{center|'''Can a Great Man Be a Good Man?'''}}
==Steve Jobs==
* ''[to Andy Hertzfeld]'' Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to announce the names of everyone who designed the launch demo. I'm gonna introduce everyone and ask them to stand up. "The bag was designed by Susan Kate. The Macintosh font that's scrolling across the screen was designed by Steve Kapps. The starry night and skywriting was Bruce Horn." Mac Paint. Mac Write. ''ALICE''. Down to the calculator! And then I'm gonna say, "The voice demo that ''didn't'' work was designed by Andy Hertzfeld." […] Five in six is your chance of surviving the first round of Russian Roulette, and you've reversed those odds. So unless you wanna be disgraced in front of your friends, family, colleagues, stockholders and the press, I wouldn't stand here arguing. Now go try and get some more bullets out of the gun. (after a moment of brief silence) '''''DO IT, ANDY!'''''
* The Mac is beige, I'm beige, the disk is blue. The shirt has to be white.
* John, listen to me: Whoever said "The customer is always right" was, I promise you, a customer.
* I forced the vote because I believed I was right. I still believe I'm right, and I'm ''right''. Now, I bled that night, and I don't bleed. But time's done its thing, and I really haven't thought about it in a while.
==Steve Wozniak==
* We will know soon enough if you are [[Leonardo Da Vinci]] or just think you are.
* It's not binary. You can be gifted and decent at the same time.
==Others==
* '''John Sculley''': ''[to Steve]'' Don't play stupid; you can't pull it off.
* '''Lisa Brennan''': I had two different Harvard statisticians try to reverse-engineer the equation that ''you'' came up with to prove that 28% of American men could be my father. You know, my mother might be a troubled woman, but what’s your excuse? That’s why I’m not impressed with your story, dad! It’s that you ''knew'' what I was going through, and you didn’t do anything about it, and that makes you an unconscionable coward. And not for nothing, but “Think” is a verb, alright? Making “Different” an adverb. You’re asking people to “Think Differently”. And you-- And you can talk about the Bauhaus movement and Braun and "simplicity is sophistication" and Issey Miyake uniforms and Bob Dylan lyrics all you want, but that thing? ''(pointing at one of the posters of the iMac)'' Looks like Judy Jetson's easy-bake oven.
==Dialogue==
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, we're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.
:'''Steve Jobs''': You didn't have seconds, you had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, some day, you'll have to tell us how you did it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': I'm begging you to manage expectations.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Have I ever let you down?
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Every single goddamn time.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Then I'm due.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Why has Lisa not heard of me?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Shit, man, how many fourth graders ''have'' heard of you?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You can't write code. You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. ''I'' built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Park! Jeff Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Everything-- Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I play the orchestra. And you're a good musician, ''[points towards the first violin chair]'' you sit right there, you're the best in your role.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Didn't you just answer that?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at 6500, and that doesn't include the optional $3000 hardrive which people will discover ''isn't'' optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the $2500 laser printer brings the total to $12000, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me something else I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': When are you gonna get furniture?
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's not an easy process.
:'''John Sculley''': It is. You buy a couch, take it from there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Joanna's gonna call my name in a second.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Steve?
:'''Steve Jobs''': That was unrehearsed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': I can't put it more simply than this: we need to put our resources into updating the Apple II.
:'''Steve Jobs''': By taking resources from the Mac!
:'''John Sculley''': It's failing. That's a fact.
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's overpriced.
:'''John Sculley''': There's no evidence that it's--
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''I'm'' the evidence! I'm the world's leading expert in the Mac, John, what's your resume?!
:'''John Sculley''': You're issuing contradictory instructions, you're insubordinate, you make people miserable, our top engineers are fleeing to Sun, Dell, HP, Wall Street doesn't know who's driving the bus, we've lost hundreds of millions in value, and I'm the CEO of Apple, Steve, ''that's'' my resume.
:'''Steve Jobs''': But before that, you sold carbonated sugar water, right? I sat in a fucking garage with Wozniak and invented the future, because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': You're gonna end me, aren't you?
:'''Steve Jobs''': You're being ridiculous...I'm gonna sit center court and watch you do it yourself. Then I’m gonna order a nice meal with a ‘55 Margaux, and sign some autographs.
:'''John Sculley''': ''Jesus Christ!''
:'''Steve Jobs''': You want some advice, Pepsi Generation? Don’t send Woz out to slap me around in the press. Anybody else. You, Markkula, Arthur Rock, anyone but 'Rain Man'. Don’t manipulate him like that. Whatever you may think, I’m always gonna protect him.
:'''John Sculley''': Come on, Steve.
:'''Steve Jobs''': '''''That's what men do'''''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I don't want people to dislike me. I'm indifferent to whether they dislike me.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, since it doesn't matter, I always have.
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[unemotionally]'' Really. I've always liked you. That's unfortunate.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me what's wrong with you this morning.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[crying]'' What's been wrong with me for 19 years. I have been a witness, and I tell you I've been complicit. I love you, Steve. You know how much. I love that you don't care how much money a person makes; you care what they make. But what you make isn't supposed to be the best part of you. When you're a father... that's what's supposed to be the best part of you, and it's caused me two decades of agony. Steve... that it is for you... the worst. It's a little thing... it's a very small thing. Fix it. Fix it now or you can contact me at my new job working anywhere I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': This whole place was built by the Apple II, ''you'' were built by the Apple II!
:'''Steve Jobs''': As a matter of fact, I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios! Or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': The Newton...
:'''Steve Jobs''': The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, you, like, ''want'' people to know that. This is a product launch, not a luncheon. And the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Everybody loves Ringo.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': And I'm tired of being patronized by you!
:'''Steve Jobs''': You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.
:'''Andrea Cunningham''': [to the people in the auditorium watching this] Everybody! Look, I want to clear the auditorium...
:'''Steve Jobs''': Nobody moves! ''[to Woz]'' You made a beautiful board which, by the way, you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[gesturing around the auditorium]'' These people live and die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[after a long pause]'' No.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's ''right''.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Sorry, but no.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me. Now why is that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[suddenly walking into the auditorium]'' What the hell is going on here?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[as he walks away]'' Nothing. Thank you for your time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[to Steve Wozniak]'' You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say "Steve was the big picture guy and I liked a solid workbench". When people ask the difference now, I say "Steve’s an asshole". Your products are better than you are, brother.
:'''Steve Jobs''': That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!
:'''Steve Wozniak''': It's not binary! You can be decent and gifted at the same time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': You know what LISA stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': The computer -- the LISA, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': I'm sorry I said that about the iMac, it's not what I really think--
:'''Steve Jobs''': Behind my back, at the office, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': "Local Integrated System Architecure"! I was ''five!'' Why couldn't you just lie?!
:'''Steve Jobs''': I did. Of course it was named after you. "Local Integrated System Architecure" doesn't even mean anything.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say it wasn't, all those years?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I honestly don't know.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say you weren't my father?
:'''Steve Jobs''': ...I'm poorly made.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'm gonna put music in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': A hundred songs. A thousand songs. Five hundred songs. Somewhere between five hundred and a thousand songs. Right in your pocket. Because I can't stand looking at that ridiculous Walkman anymore. You're carrying around a brick playing a cassette tape. We're not savages. I'm gonna put a thousand songs in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': You can do that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': We're very close. All I have to do really is wipe out the record business as we know it and we'll be all set.
==Cast==
*[[w:Michael Fassbender|Michael Fassbender]] - [[Steve Jobs]]
*[[Kate Winslet]] - Joanna Hoffman
*[[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] - Steve Wozniak
*[[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - Andy Hertzfeld
*[[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - John Sculley
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=2080374|title=Steve Jobs}}
[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]]
[[Category:Films about computing]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin]]
[[Category:2010s British films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Danny Boyle]]
[[Category:Business films]]
ml4uevf512jxc9wtoz5dwh8ay06u3ep
3935026
3935025
2026-04-30T15:43:43Z
UnknownMorsel
3106105
/* Steve Jobs */
3935026
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steve Jobs (2015 film)|Steve Jobs]]''''' is a 2015 drama film about the life of Apple Computers founder [[Steve Jobs]].
:''Directed by [[w:Danny Boyle|Danny Boyle]]. Written by [[Aaron Sorkin]], based on the non-fiction book ''[[w:Steve Jobs (book)|Steve Jobs]]'' by [[w:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]].''
{{center|'''Can a Great Man Be a Good Man?'''}}
==Steve Jobs==
* ''[to Andy Hertzfeld]'' Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to announce the names of everyone who designed the launch demo. I'm gonna introduce everyone and ask them to stand up. "The bag was designed by Susan Kate. The Macintosh font that's scrolling across the screen was designed by Steve Kapps. The starry night and skywriting was Bruce Horn." Mac Paint. Mac Write. ''ALICE''. Down to the calculator! And then I'm gonna say, "The voice demo that ''didn't'' work was designed by Andy Hertzfeld." […] Five in six is your chance of surviving the first round of Russian Roulette, and you've reversed those odds. So unless you wanna be disgraced in front of your friends, family, colleagues, stockholders and the press, I wouldn't stand here arguing. Now go try and get some more bullets out of the gun. (after a moment of brief silence) '''''DO IT, ANDY!'''''
* The Mac is beige, I'm beige, the disk is blue. The shirt has to be white.
* John, listen to me: Whoever said "The customer is always right" was, I promise you, a customer.
* I forced the vote because I believed I was right. I still believe I'm right, and I'm ''right''. Now, I bled that night, and I don't bleed. But time's done its thing, and I really haven't thought about it in a while.
* Remember that painting you drew on the original Mac? I do.
==Steve Wozniak==
* We will know soon enough if you are [[Leonardo Da Vinci]] or just think you are.
* It's not binary. You can be gifted and decent at the same time.
==Others==
* '''John Sculley''': ''[to Steve]'' Don't play stupid; you can't pull it off.
* '''Lisa Brennan''': I had two different Harvard statisticians try to reverse-engineer the equation that ''you'' came up with to prove that 28% of American men could be my father. You know, my mother might be a troubled woman, but what’s your excuse? That’s why I’m not impressed with your story, dad! It’s that you ''knew'' what I was going through, and you didn’t do anything about it, and that makes you an unconscionable coward. And not for nothing, but “Think” is a verb, alright? Making “Different” an adverb. You’re asking people to “Think Differently”. And you-- And you can talk about the Bauhaus movement and Braun and "simplicity is sophistication" and Issey Miyake uniforms and Bob Dylan lyrics all you want, but that thing? ''(pointing at one of the posters of the iMac)'' Looks like Judy Jetson's easy-bake oven.
==Dialogue==
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, we're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.
:'''Steve Jobs''': You didn't have seconds, you had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, some day, you'll have to tell us how you did it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': I'm begging you to manage expectations.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Have I ever let you down?
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Every single goddamn time.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Then I'm due.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Why has Lisa not heard of me?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Shit, man, how many fourth graders ''have'' heard of you?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You can't write code. You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. ''I'' built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Park! Jeff Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Everything-- Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I play the orchestra. And you're a good musician, ''[points towards the first violin chair]'' you sit right there, you're the best in your role.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Didn't you just answer that?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at 6500, and that doesn't include the optional $3000 hardrive which people will discover ''isn't'' optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the $2500 laser printer brings the total to $12000, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me something else I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': When are you gonna get furniture?
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's not an easy process.
:'''John Sculley''': It is. You buy a couch, take it from there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Joanna's gonna call my name in a second.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Steve?
:'''Steve Jobs''': That was unrehearsed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': I can't put it more simply than this: we need to put our resources into updating the Apple II.
:'''Steve Jobs''': By taking resources from the Mac!
:'''John Sculley''': It's failing. That's a fact.
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's overpriced.
:'''John Sculley''': There's no evidence that it's--
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''I'm'' the evidence! I'm the world's leading expert in the Mac, John, what's your resume?!
:'''John Sculley''': You're issuing contradictory instructions, you're insubordinate, you make people miserable, our top engineers are fleeing to Sun, Dell, HP, Wall Street doesn't know who's driving the bus, we've lost hundreds of millions in value, and I'm the CEO of Apple, Steve, ''that's'' my resume.
:'''Steve Jobs''': But before that, you sold carbonated sugar water, right? I sat in a fucking garage with Wozniak and invented the future, because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': You're gonna end me, aren't you?
:'''Steve Jobs''': You're being ridiculous...I'm gonna sit center court and watch you do it yourself. Then I’m gonna order a nice meal with a ‘55 Margaux, and sign some autographs.
:'''John Sculley''': ''Jesus Christ!''
:'''Steve Jobs''': You want some advice, Pepsi Generation? Don’t send Woz out to slap me around in the press. Anybody else. You, Markkula, Arthur Rock, anyone but 'Rain Man'. Don’t manipulate him like that. Whatever you may think, I’m always gonna protect him.
:'''John Sculley''': Come on, Steve.
:'''Steve Jobs''': '''''That's what men do'''''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I don't want people to dislike me. I'm indifferent to whether they dislike me.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, since it doesn't matter, I always have.
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[unemotionally]'' Really. I've always liked you. That's unfortunate.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me what's wrong with you this morning.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[crying]'' What's been wrong with me for 19 years. I have been a witness, and I tell you I've been complicit. I love you, Steve. You know how much. I love that you don't care how much money a person makes; you care what they make. But what you make isn't supposed to be the best part of you. When you're a father... that's what's supposed to be the best part of you, and it's caused me two decades of agony. Steve... that it is for you... the worst. It's a little thing... it's a very small thing. Fix it. Fix it now or you can contact me at my new job working anywhere I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': This whole place was built by the Apple II, ''you'' were built by the Apple II!
:'''Steve Jobs''': As a matter of fact, I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios! Or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': The Newton...
:'''Steve Jobs''': The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, you, like, ''want'' people to know that. This is a product launch, not a luncheon. And the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Everybody loves Ringo.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': And I'm tired of being patronized by you!
:'''Steve Jobs''': You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.
:'''Andrea Cunningham''': [to the people in the auditorium watching this] Everybody! Look, I want to clear the auditorium...
:'''Steve Jobs''': Nobody moves! ''[to Woz]'' You made a beautiful board which, by the way, you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[gesturing around the auditorium]'' These people live and die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[after a long pause]'' No.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's ''right''.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Sorry, but no.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me. Now why is that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[suddenly walking into the auditorium]'' What the hell is going on here?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[as he walks away]'' Nothing. Thank you for your time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[to Steve Wozniak]'' You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say "Steve was the big picture guy and I liked a solid workbench". When people ask the difference now, I say "Steve’s an asshole". Your products are better than you are, brother.
:'''Steve Jobs''': That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!
:'''Steve Wozniak''': It's not binary! You can be decent and gifted at the same time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': You know what LISA stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': The computer -- the LISA, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': I'm sorry I said that about the iMac, it's not what I really think--
:'''Steve Jobs''': Behind my back, at the office, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': "Local Integrated System Architecure"! I was ''five!'' Why couldn't you just lie?!
:'''Steve Jobs''': I did. Of course it was named after you. "Local Integrated System Architecure" doesn't even mean anything.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say it wasn't, all those years?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I honestly don't know.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say you weren't my father?
:'''Steve Jobs''': ...I'm poorly made.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'm gonna put music in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': A hundred songs. A thousand songs. Five hundred songs. Somewhere between five hundred and a thousand songs. Right in your pocket. Because I can't stand looking at that ridiculous Walkman anymore. You're carrying around a brick playing a cassette tape. We're not savages. I'm gonna put a thousand songs in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': You can do that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': We're very close. All I have to do really is wipe out the record business as we know it and we'll be all set.
==Cast==
*[[w:Michael Fassbender|Michael Fassbender]] - [[Steve Jobs]]
*[[Kate Winslet]] - Joanna Hoffman
*[[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] - Steve Wozniak
*[[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - Andy Hertzfeld
*[[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - John Sculley
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=2080374|title=Steve Jobs}}
[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]]
[[Category:Films about computing]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin]]
[[Category:2010s British films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Danny Boyle]]
[[Category:Business films]]
omey7hneu6warmwg6fp0504avms9gly
3935051
3935026
2026-04-30T17:22:03Z
UDScott
4304
/* Cast */
3935051
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steve Jobs (2015 film)|Steve Jobs]]''''' is a 2015 drama film about the life of Apple Computers founder [[Steve Jobs]].
:''Directed by [[w:Danny Boyle|Danny Boyle]]. Written by [[Aaron Sorkin]], based on the non-fiction book ''[[w:Steve Jobs (book)|Steve Jobs]]'' by [[w:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]].''
{{center|'''Can a Great Man Be a Good Man?'''}}
==Steve Jobs==
* ''[to Andy Hertzfeld]'' Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to announce the names of everyone who designed the launch demo. I'm gonna introduce everyone and ask them to stand up. "The bag was designed by Susan Kate. The Macintosh font that's scrolling across the screen was designed by Steve Kapps. The starry night and skywriting was Bruce Horn." Mac Paint. Mac Write. ''ALICE''. Down to the calculator! And then I'm gonna say, "The voice demo that ''didn't'' work was designed by Andy Hertzfeld." […] Five in six is your chance of surviving the first round of Russian Roulette, and you've reversed those odds. So unless you wanna be disgraced in front of your friends, family, colleagues, stockholders and the press, I wouldn't stand here arguing. Now go try and get some more bullets out of the gun. (after a moment of brief silence) '''''DO IT, ANDY!'''''
* The Mac is beige, I'm beige, the disk is blue. The shirt has to be white.
* John, listen to me: Whoever said "The customer is always right" was, I promise you, a customer.
* I forced the vote because I believed I was right. I still believe I'm right, and I'm ''right''. Now, I bled that night, and I don't bleed. But time's done its thing, and I really haven't thought about it in a while.
* Remember that painting you drew on the original Mac? I do.
==Steve Wozniak==
* We will know soon enough if you are [[Leonardo Da Vinci]] or just think you are.
* It's not binary. You can be gifted and decent at the same time.
==Others==
* '''John Sculley''': ''[to Steve]'' Don't play stupid; you can't pull it off.
* '''Lisa Brennan''': I had two different Harvard statisticians try to reverse-engineer the equation that ''you'' came up with to prove that 28% of American men could be my father. You know, my mother might be a troubled woman, but what’s your excuse? That’s why I’m not impressed with your story, dad! It’s that you ''knew'' what I was going through, and you didn’t do anything about it, and that makes you an unconscionable coward. And not for nothing, but “Think” is a verb, alright? Making “Different” an adverb. You’re asking people to “Think Differently”. And you-- And you can talk about the Bauhaus movement and Braun and "simplicity is sophistication" and Issey Miyake uniforms and Bob Dylan lyrics all you want, but that thing? ''(pointing at one of the posters of the iMac)'' Looks like Judy Jetson's easy-bake oven.
==Dialogue==
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, we're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.
:'''Steve Jobs''': You didn't have seconds, you had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, some day, you'll have to tell us how you did it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': I'm begging you to manage expectations.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Have I ever let you down?
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Every single goddamn time.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Then I'm due.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Why has Lisa not heard of me?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Shit, man, how many fourth graders ''have'' heard of you?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You can't write code. You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. ''I'' built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Park! Jeff Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Everything-- Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I play the orchestra. And you're a good musician, ''[points towards the first violin chair]'' you sit right there, you're the best in your role.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Didn't you just answer that?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at 6500, and that doesn't include the optional $3000 hardrive which people will discover ''isn't'' optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the $2500 laser printer brings the total to $12000, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me something else I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': When are you gonna get furniture?
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's not an easy process.
:'''John Sculley''': It is. You buy a couch, take it from there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Joanna's gonna call my name in a second.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Steve?
:'''Steve Jobs''': That was unrehearsed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': I can't put it more simply than this: we need to put our resources into updating the Apple II.
:'''Steve Jobs''': By taking resources from the Mac!
:'''John Sculley''': It's failing. That's a fact.
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's overpriced.
:'''John Sculley''': There's no evidence that it's--
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''I'm'' the evidence! I'm the world's leading expert in the Mac, John, what's your resume?!
:'''John Sculley''': You're issuing contradictory instructions, you're insubordinate, you make people miserable, our top engineers are fleeing to Sun, Dell, HP, Wall Street doesn't know who's driving the bus, we've lost hundreds of millions in value, and I'm the CEO of Apple, Steve, ''that's'' my resume.
:'''Steve Jobs''': But before that, you sold carbonated sugar water, right? I sat in a fucking garage with Wozniak and invented the future, because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': You're gonna end me, aren't you?
:'''Steve Jobs''': You're being ridiculous...I'm gonna sit center court and watch you do it yourself. Then I’m gonna order a nice meal with a ‘55 Margaux, and sign some autographs.
:'''John Sculley''': ''Jesus Christ!''
:'''Steve Jobs''': You want some advice, Pepsi Generation? Don’t send Woz out to slap me around in the press. Anybody else. You, Markkula, Arthur Rock, anyone but 'Rain Man'. Don’t manipulate him like that. Whatever you may think, I’m always gonna protect him.
:'''John Sculley''': Come on, Steve.
:'''Steve Jobs''': '''''That's what men do'''''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I don't want people to dislike me. I'm indifferent to whether they dislike me.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, since it doesn't matter, I always have.
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[unemotionally]'' Really. I've always liked you. That's unfortunate.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me what's wrong with you this morning.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[crying]'' What's been wrong with me for 19 years. I have been a witness, and I tell you I've been complicit. I love you, Steve. You know how much. I love that you don't care how much money a person makes; you care what they make. But what you make isn't supposed to be the best part of you. When you're a father... that's what's supposed to be the best part of you, and it's caused me two decades of agony. Steve... that it is for you... the worst. It's a little thing... it's a very small thing. Fix it. Fix it now or you can contact me at my new job working anywhere I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': This whole place was built by the Apple II, ''you'' were built by the Apple II!
:'''Steve Jobs''': As a matter of fact, I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios! Or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': The Newton...
:'''Steve Jobs''': The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, you, like, ''want'' people to know that. This is a product launch, not a luncheon. And the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Everybody loves Ringo.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': And I'm tired of being patronized by you!
:'''Steve Jobs''': You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.
:'''Andrea Cunningham''': [to the people in the auditorium watching this] Everybody! Look, I want to clear the auditorium...
:'''Steve Jobs''': Nobody moves! ''[to Woz]'' You made a beautiful board which, by the way, you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[gesturing around the auditorium]'' These people live and die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[after a long pause]'' No.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's ''right''.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Sorry, but no.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me. Now why is that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[suddenly walking into the auditorium]'' What the hell is going on here?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[as he walks away]'' Nothing. Thank you for your time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[to Steve Wozniak]'' You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say "Steve was the big picture guy and I liked a solid workbench". When people ask the difference now, I say "Steve’s an asshole". Your products are better than you are, brother.
:'''Steve Jobs''': That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!
:'''Steve Wozniak''': It's not binary! You can be decent and gifted at the same time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': You know what LISA stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': The computer -- the LISA, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': I'm sorry I said that about the iMac, it's not what I really think--
:'''Steve Jobs''': Behind my back, at the office, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': "Local Integrated System Architecure"! I was ''five!'' Why couldn't you just lie?!
:'''Steve Jobs''': I did. Of course it was named after you. "Local Integrated System Architecure" doesn't even mean anything.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say it wasn't, all those years?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I honestly don't know.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say you weren't my father?
:'''Steve Jobs''': ...I'm poorly made.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'm gonna put music in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': A hundred songs. A thousand songs. Five hundred songs. Somewhere between five hundred and a thousand songs. Right in your pocket. Because I can't stand looking at that ridiculous Walkman anymore. You're carrying around a brick playing a cassette tape. We're not savages. I'm gonna put a thousand songs in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': You can do that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': We're very close. All I have to do really is wipe out the record business as we know it and we'll be all set.
==Cast==
* [[w:Michael Fassbender|Michael Fassbender]] - [[Steve Jobs]]
* [[Kate Winslet]] - [[w:Joanna Hoffman|Joanna Hoffman]]
* [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] - [[Steve Wozniak]]
* [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - [[w:Andy Hertzfeld|Andy Hertzfeld]]
* [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - [[w:John Sculley|John Sculley]]
* [[w:Katherine Waterston|Katherine Waterston]] - [[w:Chrisann Brennan|Chrisann Brennan]]
* [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - [[w:Andy Hertzfeld|Andy Hertzfeld]]
* Makenzie Moss, Ripley Sobo, and [[w:Perla Haney-Jardine|Perla Haney-Jardine]] - [[w:Lisa Brennan-Jobs|Lisa Brennan-Jobs]] (at different ages)
* [[w:Sarah Snook|Sarah Snook]] - [[w:Andrea Cunningham|Andrea "Andy" Cunningham]]
* [[w:Adam Shapiro (actor)|Adam Shapiro]] - [[w:Avie Tevanian|Avie Tevanian]]
* [[John Ortiz]] - Joel Pforzheimer
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=2080374|title=Steve Jobs}}
[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]]
[[Category:Films about computing]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin]]
[[Category:2010s British films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Danny Boyle]]
[[Category:Business films]]
fyxq8g19c22e29gu0hfwt6k09n9i7s4
3935052
3935051
2026-04-30T17:22:18Z
UDScott
4304
/* Cast */
3935052
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steve Jobs (2015 film)|Steve Jobs]]''''' is a 2015 drama film about the life of Apple Computers founder [[Steve Jobs]].
:''Directed by [[w:Danny Boyle|Danny Boyle]]. Written by [[Aaron Sorkin]], based on the non-fiction book ''[[w:Steve Jobs (book)|Steve Jobs]]'' by [[w:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]].''
{{center|'''Can a Great Man Be a Good Man?'''}}
==Steve Jobs==
* ''[to Andy Hertzfeld]'' Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to announce the names of everyone who designed the launch demo. I'm gonna introduce everyone and ask them to stand up. "The bag was designed by Susan Kate. The Macintosh font that's scrolling across the screen was designed by Steve Kapps. The starry night and skywriting was Bruce Horn." Mac Paint. Mac Write. ''ALICE''. Down to the calculator! And then I'm gonna say, "The voice demo that ''didn't'' work was designed by Andy Hertzfeld." […] Five in six is your chance of surviving the first round of Russian Roulette, and you've reversed those odds. So unless you wanna be disgraced in front of your friends, family, colleagues, stockholders and the press, I wouldn't stand here arguing. Now go try and get some more bullets out of the gun. (after a moment of brief silence) '''''DO IT, ANDY!'''''
* The Mac is beige, I'm beige, the disk is blue. The shirt has to be white.
* John, listen to me: Whoever said "The customer is always right" was, I promise you, a customer.
* I forced the vote because I believed I was right. I still believe I'm right, and I'm ''right''. Now, I bled that night, and I don't bleed. But time's done its thing, and I really haven't thought about it in a while.
* Remember that painting you drew on the original Mac? I do.
==Steve Wozniak==
* We will know soon enough if you are [[Leonardo Da Vinci]] or just think you are.
* It's not binary. You can be gifted and decent at the same time.
==Others==
* '''John Sculley''': ''[to Steve]'' Don't play stupid; you can't pull it off.
* '''Lisa Brennan''': I had two different Harvard statisticians try to reverse-engineer the equation that ''you'' came up with to prove that 28% of American men could be my father. You know, my mother might be a troubled woman, but what’s your excuse? That’s why I’m not impressed with your story, dad! It’s that you ''knew'' what I was going through, and you didn’t do anything about it, and that makes you an unconscionable coward. And not for nothing, but “Think” is a verb, alright? Making “Different” an adverb. You’re asking people to “Think Differently”. And you-- And you can talk about the Bauhaus movement and Braun and "simplicity is sophistication" and Issey Miyake uniforms and Bob Dylan lyrics all you want, but that thing? ''(pointing at one of the posters of the iMac)'' Looks like Judy Jetson's easy-bake oven.
==Dialogue==
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, we're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.
:'''Steve Jobs''': You didn't have seconds, you had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, some day, you'll have to tell us how you did it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': I'm begging you to manage expectations.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Have I ever let you down?
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Every single goddamn time.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Then I'm due.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Why has Lisa not heard of me?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Shit, man, how many fourth graders ''have'' heard of you?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You can't write code. You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. ''I'' built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Park! Jeff Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Everything-- Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I play the orchestra. And you're a good musician, ''[points towards the first violin chair]'' you sit right there, you're the best in your role.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Didn't you just answer that?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at 6500, and that doesn't include the optional $3000 hardrive which people will discover ''isn't'' optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the $2500 laser printer brings the total to $12000, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me something else I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': When are you gonna get furniture?
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's not an easy process.
:'''John Sculley''': It is. You buy a couch, take it from there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Joanna's gonna call my name in a second.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Steve?
:'''Steve Jobs''': That was unrehearsed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': I can't put it more simply than this: we need to put our resources into updating the Apple II.
:'''Steve Jobs''': By taking resources from the Mac!
:'''John Sculley''': It's failing. That's a fact.
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's overpriced.
:'''John Sculley''': There's no evidence that it's--
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''I'm'' the evidence! I'm the world's leading expert in the Mac, John, what's your resume?!
:'''John Sculley''': You're issuing contradictory instructions, you're insubordinate, you make people miserable, our top engineers are fleeing to Sun, Dell, HP, Wall Street doesn't know who's driving the bus, we've lost hundreds of millions in value, and I'm the CEO of Apple, Steve, ''that's'' my resume.
:'''Steve Jobs''': But before that, you sold carbonated sugar water, right? I sat in a fucking garage with Wozniak and invented the future, because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': You're gonna end me, aren't you?
:'''Steve Jobs''': You're being ridiculous...I'm gonna sit center court and watch you do it yourself. Then I’m gonna order a nice meal with a ‘55 Margaux, and sign some autographs.
:'''John Sculley''': ''Jesus Christ!''
:'''Steve Jobs''': You want some advice, Pepsi Generation? Don’t send Woz out to slap me around in the press. Anybody else. You, Markkula, Arthur Rock, anyone but 'Rain Man'. Don’t manipulate him like that. Whatever you may think, I’m always gonna protect him.
:'''John Sculley''': Come on, Steve.
:'''Steve Jobs''': '''''That's what men do'''''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I don't want people to dislike me. I'm indifferent to whether they dislike me.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, since it doesn't matter, I always have.
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[unemotionally]'' Really. I've always liked you. That's unfortunate.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me what's wrong with you this morning.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[crying]'' What's been wrong with me for 19 years. I have been a witness, and I tell you I've been complicit. I love you, Steve. You know how much. I love that you don't care how much money a person makes; you care what they make. But what you make isn't supposed to be the best part of you. When you're a father... that's what's supposed to be the best part of you, and it's caused me two decades of agony. Steve... that it is for you... the worst. It's a little thing... it's a very small thing. Fix it. Fix it now or you can contact me at my new job working anywhere I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': This whole place was built by the Apple II, ''you'' were built by the Apple II!
:'''Steve Jobs''': As a matter of fact, I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios! Or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': The Newton...
:'''Steve Jobs''': The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, you, like, ''want'' people to know that. This is a product launch, not a luncheon. And the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Everybody loves Ringo.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': And I'm tired of being patronized by you!
:'''Steve Jobs''': You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.
:'''Andrea Cunningham''': [to the people in the auditorium watching this] Everybody! Look, I want to clear the auditorium...
:'''Steve Jobs''': Nobody moves! ''[to Woz]'' You made a beautiful board which, by the way, you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[gesturing around the auditorium]'' These people live and die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[after a long pause]'' No.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's ''right''.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Sorry, but no.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me. Now why is that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[suddenly walking into the auditorium]'' What the hell is going on here?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[as he walks away]'' Nothing. Thank you for your time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[to Steve Wozniak]'' You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say "Steve was the big picture guy and I liked a solid workbench". When people ask the difference now, I say "Steve’s an asshole". Your products are better than you are, brother.
:'''Steve Jobs''': That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!
:'''Steve Wozniak''': It's not binary! You can be decent and gifted at the same time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': You know what LISA stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': The computer -- the LISA, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': I'm sorry I said that about the iMac, it's not what I really think--
:'''Steve Jobs''': Behind my back, at the office, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': "Local Integrated System Architecure"! I was ''five!'' Why couldn't you just lie?!
:'''Steve Jobs''': I did. Of course it was named after you. "Local Integrated System Architecure" doesn't even mean anything.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say it wasn't, all those years?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I honestly don't know.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say you weren't my father?
:'''Steve Jobs''': ...I'm poorly made.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'm gonna put music in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': A hundred songs. A thousand songs. Five hundred songs. Somewhere between five hundred and a thousand songs. Right in your pocket. Because I can't stand looking at that ridiculous Walkman anymore. You're carrying around a brick playing a cassette tape. We're not savages. I'm gonna put a thousand songs in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': You can do that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': We're very close. All I have to do really is wipe out the record business as we know it and we'll be all set.
==Cast==
* [[w:Michael Fassbender|Michael Fassbender]] - [[Steve Jobs]]
* [[Kate Winslet]] - [[w:Joanna Hoffman|Joanna Hoffman]]
* [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] - [[Steve Wozniak]]
* [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - [[w:Andy Hertzfeld|Andy Hertzfeld]]
* [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - [[w:John Sculley|John Sculley]]
* [[w:Katherine Waterston|Katherine Waterston]] - [[w:Chrisann Brennan|Chrisann Brennan]]
* [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - [[w:Andy Hertzfeld|Andy Hertzfeld]]
* Makenzie Moss, Ripley Sobo, and [[w:Perla Haney-Jardine|Perla Haney-Jardine]] - [[w:Lisa Brennan-Jobs|Lisa Brennan-Jobs]] (at different ages)
* [[w:Sarah Snook|Sarah Snook]] - [[w:Andrea Cunningham|Andrea "Andy" Cunningham]]
* [[w:Adam Shapiro (actor)|Adam Shapiro]] - [[w:Avie Tevanian|Avie Tevanian]]
* [[w:John Ortiz|John Ortiz]] - Joel Pforzheimer
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=2080374|title=Steve Jobs}}
[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]]
[[Category:Films about computing]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin]]
[[Category:2010s British films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Danny Boyle]]
[[Category:Business films]]
n8pa7gq7qsv4xxu9x448u53xjr1cuhq
3935054
3935052
2026-04-30T17:24:01Z
UDScott
4304
3935054
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Steve Jobs (2015 film)|Steve Jobs]]''''' is a [[w:2015 in film|2015]] drama film about the life of Apple Computers founder [[Steve Jobs]]. The story unfolds backstage at three iconic product launches, ending in 1998 with the unveiling of the [[w:iMac G3|iMac]].
:''Directed by [[w:Danny Boyle|Danny Boyle]]. Written by [[Aaron Sorkin]], based on the non-fiction book ''[[w:Steve Jobs (book)|Steve Jobs]]'' by [[w:Walter Isaacson|Walter Isaacson]].''
{{center|'''Can a Great Man Be a Good Man?'''}}
==Steve Jobs==
* ''[to Andy Hertzfeld]'' Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to announce the names of everyone who designed the launch demo. I'm gonna introduce everyone and ask them to stand up. "The bag was designed by Susan Kate. The Macintosh font that's scrolling across the screen was designed by Steve Kapps. The starry night and skywriting was Bruce Horn." Mac Paint. Mac Write. ''ALICE''. Down to the calculator! And then I'm gonna say, "The voice demo that ''didn't'' work was designed by Andy Hertzfeld." […] Five in six is your chance of surviving the first round of Russian Roulette, and you've reversed those odds. So unless you wanna be disgraced in front of your friends, family, colleagues, stockholders and the press, I wouldn't stand here arguing. Now go try and get some more bullets out of the gun. (after a moment of brief silence) '''''DO IT, ANDY!'''''
* The Mac is beige, I'm beige, the disk is blue. The shirt has to be white.
* John, listen to me: Whoever said "The customer is always right" was, I promise you, a customer.
* I forced the vote because I believed I was right. I still believe I'm right, and I'm ''right''. Now, I bled that night, and I don't bleed. But time's done its thing, and I really haven't thought about it in a while.
* Remember that painting you drew on the original Mac? I do.
==Steve Wozniak==
* We will know soon enough if you are [[Leonardo Da Vinci]] or just think you are.
* It's not binary. You can be gifted and decent at the same time.
==Others==
* '''John Sculley''': ''[to Steve]'' Don't play stupid; you can't pull it off.
* '''Lisa Brennan''': I had two different Harvard statisticians try to reverse-engineer the equation that ''you'' came up with to prove that 28% of American men could be my father. You know, my mother might be a troubled woman, but what’s your excuse? That’s why I’m not impressed with your story, dad! It’s that you ''knew'' what I was going through, and you didn’t do anything about it, and that makes you an unconscionable coward. And not for nothing, but “Think” is a verb, alright? Making “Different” an adverb. You’re asking people to “Think Differently”. And you-- And you can talk about the Bauhaus movement and Braun and "simplicity is sophistication" and Issey Miyake uniforms and Bob Dylan lyrics all you want, but that thing? ''(pointing at one of the posters of the iMac)'' Looks like Judy Jetson's easy-bake oven.
==Dialogue==
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, we're not a pit crew at Daytona. This can't be fixed in seconds.
:'''Steve Jobs''': You didn't have seconds, you had three weeks. The universe was created in a third of that time.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, some day, you'll have to tell us how you did it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': I'm begging you to manage expectations.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Have I ever let you down?
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Every single goddamn time.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Then I'm due.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Why has Lisa not heard of me?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Shit, man, how many fourth graders ''have'' heard of you?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You can't write code. You're not an engineer. You're not a designer. You can't put a hammer to a nail. ''I'' built the circuit board! The graphical interface was stolen from Xerox Park! Jeff Raskin was the leader of the Mac team before you threw him off his own project! Everything-- Someone else designed the box! So how come ten times in a day I read Steve Jobs is a genius? What do you do?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I play the orchestra. And you're a good musician, ''[points towards the first violin chair]'' you sit right there, you're the best in your role.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here to clear the air. Do you know why I came here?
:'''Steve Jobs''': Didn't you just answer that?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': I came here 'cause you're gonna get killed. Your computer's gonna fail. You got a college and university advisory board telling you they need a powerful work station for two to three thousand. You priced NeXT at 6500, and that doesn't include the optional $3000 hardrive which people will discover ''isn't'' optional, because the optical disk is too weak to do anything, and the $2500 laser printer brings the total to $12000, and in the entire world you are the only person that cares that it's housed in a perfect cube. You're gonna get killed. And I came here to stand next to you while that happens 'cause that's what friends do... that's what men do. I don't need your pass. We go back, so don't talk to me like I'm other people. I'm the only one that knows that this guy here is someone you invented. I'm standing by you because that perfect cube - that does nothing - is about to be the single biggest failure in the history of personal computing.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me something else I don't know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': When are you gonna get furniture?
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's not an easy process.
:'''John Sculley''': It is. You buy a couch, take it from there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Joanna's gonna call my name in a second.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': Steve?
:'''Steve Jobs''': That was unrehearsed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': I can't put it more simply than this: we need to put our resources into updating the Apple II.
:'''Steve Jobs''': By taking resources from the Mac!
:'''John Sculley''': It's failing. That's a fact.
:'''Steve Jobs''': It's overpriced.
:'''John Sculley''': There's no evidence that it's--
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''I'm'' the evidence! I'm the world's leading expert in the Mac, John, what's your resume?!
:'''John Sculley''': You're issuing contradictory instructions, you're insubordinate, you make people miserable, our top engineers are fleeing to Sun, Dell, HP, Wall Street doesn't know who's driving the bus, we've lost hundreds of millions in value, and I'm the CEO of Apple, Steve, ''that's'' my resume.
:'''Steve Jobs''': But before that, you sold carbonated sugar water, right? I sat in a fucking garage with Wozniak and invented the future, because artists lead and hacks ask for show of hands!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''John Sculley''': You're gonna end me, aren't you?
:'''Steve Jobs''': You're being ridiculous...I'm gonna sit center court and watch you do it yourself. Then I’m gonna order a nice meal with a ‘55 Margaux, and sign some autographs.
:'''John Sculley''': ''Jesus Christ!''
:'''Steve Jobs''': You want some advice, Pepsi Generation? Don’t send Woz out to slap me around in the press. Anybody else. You, Markkula, Arthur Rock, anyone but 'Rain Man'. Don’t manipulate him like that. Whatever you may think, I’m always gonna protect him.
:'''John Sculley''': Come on, Steve.
:'''Steve Jobs''': '''''That's what men do'''''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I don't want people to dislike me. I'm indifferent to whether they dislike me.
:'''Andy Hertzfeld''': Well, since it doesn't matter, I always have.
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[unemotionally]'' Really. I've always liked you. That's unfortunate.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': Tell me what's wrong with you this morning.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[crying]'' What's been wrong with me for 19 years. I have been a witness, and I tell you I've been complicit. I love you, Steve. You know how much. I love that you don't care how much money a person makes; you care what they make. But what you make isn't supposed to be the best part of you. When you're a father... that's what's supposed to be the best part of you, and it's caused me two decades of agony. Steve... that it is for you... the worst. It's a little thing... it's a very small thing. Fix it. Fix it now or you can contact me at my new job working anywhere I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Wozniak''': This whole place was built by the Apple II, ''you'' were built by the Apple II!
:'''Steve Jobs''': As a matter of fact, I was destroyed by the Apple II and its open systems so that hackers and hobbyists could build ham radios! Or something! And then it nearly destroyed Apple when you spent all your money on it and developed a grand total of no new products.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': The Newton...
:'''Steve Jobs''': The little box of garbage. You guys came up with the Newton, you, like, ''want'' people to know that. This is a product launch, not a luncheon. And the last thing I want to do is connect the iMac to the...
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ...to the only successful product that this company has ever made. I'm sorry to be blunt, but that happens to be the truth. The Lisa was a failure, the Macintosh was a failure. I don't like talking like this, but I am tired of being Ringo when I know I was John.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Everybody loves Ringo.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': And I'm tired of being patronized by you!
:'''Steve Jobs''': You think John became John by winning a raffle, Woz? You think he tricked somebody or hit George Harrison over the head? He was John because he was John.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': He was John 'cause he wrote 'Ticket to Ride', and I wrote the Apple II.
:'''Andrea Cunningham''': [to the people in the auditorium watching this] Everybody! Look, I want to clear the auditorium...
:'''Steve Jobs''': Nobody moves! ''[to Woz]'' You made a beautiful board which, by the way, you were willing to give out for free, so don't tell me how you built Apple. If it weren't for me, you'd be the easiest 'A' at Homestead High School.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[gesturing around the auditorium]'' These people live and die by your praise, so here's your chance: acknowledge that something good happened that you weren't in the room for!
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[after a long pause]'' No.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Steve... do it! It's right, it's... it's ''right''.
:'''Steve Jobs''': Sorry, but no.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': Then let me put it another way. I don't think there's a man who's done more to advance the democratization that comes with personal computing than I have, but you've never had any respect for me. Now why is that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'd at least consider the possibility that it's because you've never had any for me.
:'''Joanna Hoffman''': ''[suddenly walking into the auditorium]'' What the hell is going on here?
:'''Steve Wozniak''': ''[as he walks away]'' Nothing. Thank you for your time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': ''[to Steve Wozniak]'' You came a half inch from putting this company out of business. Now who do I see about that? I'm letting you keep your job. You get a pass.
:'''Steve Wozniak''': You know, when people used to ask me what the difference was between me and Steve Jobs, I would say "Steve was the big picture guy and I liked a solid workbench". When people ask the difference now, I say "Steve’s an asshole". Your products are better than you are, brother.
:'''Steve Jobs''': That's the idea, "brother", and knowing that... that's the difference!
:'''Steve Wozniak''': It's not binary! You can be decent and gifted at the same time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': You know what LISA stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': The computer -- the LISA, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': I'm sorry I said that about the iMac, it's not what I really think--
:'''Steve Jobs''': Behind my back, at the office, you know what it stood for?
:'''Lisa Brennan''': "Local Integrated System Architecure"! I was ''five!'' Why couldn't you just lie?!
:'''Steve Jobs''': I did. Of course it was named after you. "Local Integrated System Architecure" doesn't even mean anything.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say it wasn't, all those years?
:'''Steve Jobs''': I honestly don't know.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': Why'd you say you weren't my father?
:'''Steve Jobs''': ...I'm poorly made.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Steve Jobs''': I'm gonna put music in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': What?
:'''Steve Jobs''': A hundred songs. A thousand songs. Five hundred songs. Somewhere between five hundred and a thousand songs. Right in your pocket. Because I can't stand looking at that ridiculous Walkman anymore. You're carrying around a brick playing a cassette tape. We're not savages. I'm gonna put a thousand songs in your pocket.
:'''Lisa Brennan''': You can do that?
:'''Steve Jobs''': We're very close. All I have to do really is wipe out the record business as we know it and we'll be all set.
==Cast==
* [[w:Michael Fassbender|Michael Fassbender]] - [[Steve Jobs]]
* [[Kate Winslet]] - [[w:Joanna Hoffman|Joanna Hoffman]]
* [[w:Seth Rogen|Seth Rogen]] - [[Steve Wozniak]]
* [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - [[w:Andy Hertzfeld|Andy Hertzfeld]]
* [[w:Jeff Daniels|Jeff Daniels]] - [[w:John Sculley|John Sculley]]
* [[w:Katherine Waterston|Katherine Waterston]] - [[w:Chrisann Brennan|Chrisann Brennan]]
* [[w:Michael Stuhlbarg|Michael Stuhlbarg]] - [[w:Andy Hertzfeld|Andy Hertzfeld]]
* Makenzie Moss, Ripley Sobo, and [[w:Perla Haney-Jardine|Perla Haney-Jardine]] - [[w:Lisa Brennan-Jobs|Lisa Brennan-Jobs]] (at different ages)
* [[w:Sarah Snook|Sarah Snook]] - [[w:Andrea Cunningham|Andrea "Andy" Cunningham]]
* [[w:Adam Shapiro (actor)|Adam Shapiro]] - [[w:Avie Tevanian|Avie Tevanian]]
* [[w:John Ortiz|John Ortiz]] - Joel Pforzheimer
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=2080374|title=Steve Jobs}}
[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on non-fiction books]]
[[Category:Films about computing]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin]]
[[Category:2010s British films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Danny Boyle]]
[[Category:Business films]]
l3os7ei4glgxqec188blabncivnns7x
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
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3918414
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~2026-26399-94
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'''''[[w:Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance|Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance]]''''' is a 2013 hack and slash video game.
==Dialogue==
[[File:Katana - Motoshige.JPG|thumb|"I said my sword was a tool of justice... Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now... now I'm not so sure. And besides... This isn't my sword" — Raiden.]]
:''[first lines]''
:'''N'Mani:''' Three years... We've come so far in just three short years...
:'''Advisor:''' The sign of a strong leader, sir.
:'''N'Mani:''' No—the ''will'' of a strong ''people.''
:''[outside the limousine, some children are playing soccer]''
:'''N'Mani:''' And one very able advisor.
:'''Advisor:''' Thank you, sir.
:'''N'Mani:''' Your team deserves credit as well... Mr. Lightning Bolt.
:'''Raiden:''' ''[removes his sunglasses]'' Just doing our job, Mr. Prime Minister.
:'''N'Mani:''' I must admit, I once thought of groups like yours as opportunists—enablers of war. But you’ve trained our new army well—order has returned sooner than expected.
:''[Several armed soldiers patrol the streets]''
:'''N'Mani:''' Perhaps I was wrong about these "private military companies"...
:'''Raiden:''' We prefer "private security provider," sir. Most of Maverick’s contracts do focus on security.
:'''N'Mani:''' Yes, well, "security" can mean many things...
:''[The limousine is revealed to be in a motorcade with APCs]''
:'''Raiden:''' ''[puts his sunglasses back on]'' There’s a saying I like: "One sword keeps another in the sheath." Sometimes, the threat of violence alone is a deterrent. Sometimes, by taking a life, ''others'' can be ''preserved.'' It’s the code the samurai lived by...
:'''N'Mani:''' Mm... A soldier and a philosopher. You are full of surprises, Mr. Lightning Bolt.
:'''Raiden:''' I could say the same about you, Mr. Prime Minister.
{{line}}
:'''Mistral:''' I was wondering when you'd come, Jack the Ripper.
:'''Raiden:''' No one calls me that anymore. Dolzaev, where is he?
:'''Mistral:''' ''[tsks]'' I can show you a better time than ''that'' crusty old bear.
:'''Raiden:''' You're in charge here?
:'''Mistral:''' I am "Mistral"—the Cold Wind of France. And you, your reputation precedes you. [[w:Liberia|Liberian]], but white as snow... A natural-born killer, even as a child.
:'''Raiden:''' That was a long time ago...
:'''Mistral:''' I was born in [[w:Algeria|Algeria]] myself, you know. I'm only half French.
:'''Raiden:''' And?
:'''Mistral:''' We had our own civil war in the '90s. So you see? Cut from the same cloth, you and I.
:'''Raiden:''' You don't know me.
:'''Mistral:''' I lost my ''whole family,'' everything... But I butchered those fuckers. My family's killers. That's when I realized... ''I'' am a killer too. And a good one at that. ''[she slowly walks towards Raiden]'' I slaughtered ''dozens'' in Iraq, in Afghanistan... I'd found my calling.
:'''Raiden:''' ''[points his sword at Mistral, stopping her from walking closer]'' Proud of that, are you?
:'''Mistral:''' What happened, happened. To be honest, I found it quite dull. ''[takes off her jacket]'' My enemies fell like domino, one after another. Not once did I feel threatened. I was adrift, without challenge, without purpose... ''[Several Dwarf Gekkos climb up to the platform]'' At times, I even envied my prey. At least ''they'' had a cause to die for. And then... I met him. ''[Raiden slashes at an attacking Dwarf Gekko]''
:'''Raiden:''' ''Who?''
:'''Mistral:''' And I knew what I'd been missing. ''[walks towards the injured Gekko]'' His ideals gave my life meaning. Ideals, Jack. What are yours?
:'''Raiden:''' I... protect the weak.
:'''Mistral:''' ''[chuckles and tears off the Dwarf Gekko's arms]'' Still... ''so naive.''
:'''Raiden:''' And if I must kill to protect them, then so be it.
:'''Mistral:''' ''[crushes the Dwarf Gekko underfoot]'' It seems we have less in common than I thought.
:'''Raiden:''' I'll take that as a compliment.
:'''Mistral:''' If you would kill for your ideals, then surely you are ready to die for them!
:''[Mistral arms herself with Dwarf Gekko arms, while Raiden readies his sword and covers his face with his battle visor]''
:'''Mistral:''' Come, ''mon gars.''
{{line}}
:'''"Jetstream" Sam Rodrigues:''' ''[to Raiden]'' Not so black and white ''now,'' is it? Is your cause ''just,'' or is that ''"just"'' what you tell yourself?
{{line}}
:'''Monsoon:''' How pleased you are to chop away, Jack the Ripper. My name is Monsoon... of the Winds of Destruction.
:'''Raiden:''' Yeah... I guessed as much.
:''[Monsoon leaps from the World Marshal building, landing in front of Raiden]''
:'''Monsoon:''' Feasting on the insides of your enemies... How easily you ignore the loss of life when it suits your convenience. So tell me: Who saves the weak from the man who saves the weak?
:'''Raiden:''' You're the ones exploiting them. You take advantage of their weakness... Of course they get hurt, when you set them up as your human shield.
:'''Monsoon:''' Kill or be killed, Jack. [[w:Phnom Penh|Phnom Penh]] taught me that. Yes, you aren't the only one to grow up on the killing fields. War is a cruel parent, but an effective teacher. Its final lesson is carved deep in my psyche: that this world, and all its people, are ''diseased.'' Free will is a myth. Religion is a joke. We are all pawns, controlled by something greater: [[w:Meme|memes]]. The DNA of the soul. They shape our will. They are the culture—they are ''everything'' we pass on. Expose someone to anger long enough, they will learn to hate. They become a carrier. Envy, greed, despair... All memes. All passed along.
:'''Raiden:''' How about "full of shit"? Is that a meme?
:'''Monsoon:''' You can't fight nature, Jack. Wind blows, rain falls, and the strong prey upon the weak. Sam tells me you see your weapon as a ''tool.'' Something that saves lives—a means of justice. Now ''there's'' a pretty meme. ''Exquisite!'' It's spared you the burden of all the lives you've taken... Absolved you of guilt when you enjoyed it. That is, until the illusion was broken. Don't be ashamed. It's only nature, running its course. You have no choices to make. Nothing to answer for.
:''[Monsoon brandishes his twin sai]''
:'''Monsoon:''' You can die with a clear conscience.
:'''Raiden:''' You're right. About me, I mean. I knew something was... off. After the Patriots, I thought I could walk off the battlefield and... into a normal life. But here I am, surrounded by death, arguing philosophy with ''terrorists.'' I told myself this was about justice. About protecting the weak. ''But I was wrong.''
:'''Monsoon:''' ''[chuckles]'' Then you admit it?
:'''Raiden:''' I learned young that killing your enemies felt good. Really good. In America, my friends... my family... They helped me forget the devil inside. But who am I kidding? I was ''born'' to kill.
:''[Raiden punches the ground, cracking it]''
:'''Raiden:''' The bit about my sword—that "means of justice" stuff? I guess I needed something to keep "the Ripper" in check when I was knee-deep in bodies.
:'''Monsoon:''' You...
:'''Raiden:''' But you—all this—is a wake-up call to what I ''really'' believe. What I ''really'' am.
:'''Monsoon:''' What are you saying?
:'''Raiden:''' I'm saying ''Jack is back.''
:'''Monsoon:''' Kill him!
:''[a cyborg swordsman charges at Raiden]''
:'''Raiden:''' No.
:''[Raiden is impaled by the cyborg's sword and begins cackling, causing the cyborg to step back and Monsoon and Sam to gasp]''
:'''Raiden:''' Doktor. Turn off my pain inhibitors.
:'''Wilhelm "Doktor" Voigt:''' What? This... This is madness! You—
:'''Raiden:''' ''Do it!''
:'''Doktor:''' All right...
:''[Doktor complies as Raiden yells in pain]''
:'''Raiden:''' Pain... This is why I fight.
:''[Raiden quickly pulls the sword out of his body, spewing blood on the ground]''
:'''Raiden:''' ''[cackles]'' This is my normal. My nature.
:'''Monsoon:''' You've lost your mind.
:''[Monsoon motions for three cyborgs to attack Raiden, but all of them are swiftly cut apart]''
:'''Raiden:''' ''[cackles] Who's next?'' ''[points his sword at Monsoon and Sam]''
:'''Sam:''' I'll take this dance.
:'''Monsoon:''' ''[stretches his arm out stopping Sam in his track]'' No, Sam. Report back to the chief. ''He's mine.''
:'''Sam:''' ''[scoffs]'' You're the boss.
:'''Monsoon:''' I misjudged you. You are like us after all.
:'''Raiden:''' Now you're just being nasty. ''[cackles loudly]'' That nickname you love so much—wanna know how I got it? Actually—why don't I give ''you'' a demonstration? I think it's time for Jack... to ''let 'er rip!'' ''[He activates his visor. Monsoon, with a wicked grin on his face, complies as his faceplate is lowered to conceal the entirety of his face]''
{{line}}
:'''Sundowner:''' Shhh, don't disrupt the students while class is in session. I believe you're familiar with the lesson plan... The same regimen you went through in Liberia. Effective program. Just look how ''you'' turned out. Of course, running it in the real world just got a bit too... complicated. Doing it virtually, though? No fuss, no muss. Straight to the brain. It's like a dream. Well, maybe "dream" is the wrong word. They do kill some POWs... some civilians... ''[chuckles]'' They enjoy it though. We give their pleasure centers a nice big ''jolt'' every time. ''[chuckles]'' Plus they got a shiny new body as a graduation present. Another thing you have in common...
:'''Raiden:''' I chose this. They're ''kids,'' you son of a bitch.
:'''Sundowner:''' And ''kids'' are ''cruel.'' All people are, by nature—they just lose touch with it as they get older. Start thinking they know right and wrong. ''[mocking voice]'' "That's immoral!" War crime-this, Code of Conduct-that... ''Kids'' you can ''mold, manipulate'' into performing all kinds of atrocities—and there's nothing like a good atrocity to keep a war going.
:'''Raiden:''' That's why I'm shutting you down.
:'''Sundowner:''' You just don't see the bigger picture, do ya?
:''[Sundowner retrieves a brain from a training receptacle, staring at it as he talks]''
:'''Sundowner:''' Say you bring this whole place down... waltz outta the rubble with all these precious brains... Nothing changes. All the guys in charge are long gone. And we've got offices 'round the world.
:''[the exposed brains chirp in distress]''
:'''Sundowner:''' We're just suppliers. We don't create the market for war.
:'''Raiden:''' Then who does? The Patriots are gone.
:'''Sundowner:''' ''[chuckles]'' Those guys just managed the war economy—they didn't ''invent'' it. Didja think every battle in history was all part of some big ol' conspiracy? ''Bullshit!'' War is just part'a who we are. Why fight it? Anyway, none of this will matter in three hours. Demand for PMCs is about to skyrocket. Like the good ol' days after [[w:September 11 attacks|9/11]]!
{{line}}
:'''Sundowner:''' How's this, Jack? We can play up here without damaging the merchandise.
:'''Raiden:''' What happens in three hours?
:'''Sundowner:''' ''[chuckles]'' Don't matter. ''You're'' too ''late.'' Even at Mach 2 you wouldn't make it. And killing you is gonna take some time: ''slow, and painful.''
:''[helicopters rise behind Sundowner, who activates his [[w:reactive armour#Explosive reactive armour|explosive]] shields]''
:'''Sundowner:''' Like I said, kids are cruel, Jack. And I'm very in touch with my inner child.
:''[Sundowner draws his machetes and laughs. He covers his mouth and nose with his faceguard. Raiden readies his sword, covers his face with his visor in response.]''
{{line}}
:'''Raiden:''' If America's gone to shit, ''you're'' just another maggot crawling in the pile.
:'''Senator Steven Armstrong:''' ''[chuckles]'' All right, the truth then. You're right about one thing... I do need capital. ''And'' votes. Wanna know ''why?'' "I have a dream."
:'''Raiden:''' What...?
:'''Armstrong:''' That one day, every person in this nation will control their ''own'' destiny! A land of the ''truly'' free, dammit. A nation of ''action,'' not words. ruled by ''strength,'' not committee! Where the law changes to suit the individual, ''not'' the other way around. Where power and justice are back where they belong: in the hands of the ''people!''
:''[Armstrong and Raiden headbutt each other]''
:'''Armstrong:''' Where every man is free, to think—to act—for ''himself!'' Fuck all these limp-dick lawyers and chickenshit bureaucrats. Fuck this 24/7 internet spew of trivia and celebrity ''bullshit!''
:''[Armstrong slams Raiden's head to the ground]''
:'''Armstrong:''' Fuck "American pride"! Fuck the ''media!'' Fuck ''all of it!''
:''[Armstrong kicks Raiden away]''
:'''Armstrong:''' America is diseased. Rotten to the core. There's no saving it—we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the slate clean. Burn it ''down!''
:''[Armstrong downs Raiden with a [[w:punch (combat)|haymaker]] to the head]''
:'''Armstrong:''' And from the ashes a new America will be ''born!'' Evolved, but ''untamed!'' The weak will be purged, and the strongest will thrive—free to live as they see fit, they'll make America great again!
:'''Raiden:''' What the hell are you talking about...?
:'''Armstrong:''' You still don't get it. I'm using war as a business to get ''elected...'' so I can ''end'' war as a business. In my ''new'' America, people will die, and kill, for what they ''believe!'' Not for money. Not for ''oil!'' Not for what they're told is right. Every man will be free to fight his ''own wars!''
:''[Armstrong, having pinned Raiden down, begins smoking a cigar]''
:'''Armstrong:''' ''[scoffs]'' So... what do you think?
:'''Raiden:''' How the hell did you get elected...?
:'''Armstrong:''' ''[chuckles]'' Well, I don't write my own speeches. ''[removes his foot from Raiden's chest]'' You should try fighting for what ''you'' believe in sometime, Jack. Not for a company, or a nation, or for anyone else.
:'''Raiden:''' Maybe I was wrong about you...
:'''Armstrong:''' Am I finally getting through?
:''[Armstrong helps Raiden to his feet and dusts him off]''
:'''Armstrong:''' I'll rid this world of pointless wars, Jack.
:'''Raiden:''' I was wrong. You're not greedy...
:''[the two shake hands]''
:'''Raiden:''' ...you're bat-shit ''insane!''
{{line}}
:'''Blade Wolf:''' Begin playback.
:'''Sam:''' ''[via recording]'' Two years I've been working towards this, and on the last day blondie has me doubting the whole thing. We'll leave it up to fate then, shall we Wolfy? A duel to the death, may the best man win.
:'''Raiden:''' Sam?
:'''Sam:''' I cut him down, and that's that. Back to our regularly scheduled international incident. But if he beats me... if I die here... The lock on my blade will disable after a couple hours... What happens after that... is up to you, Wolfy.
:'''Armstrong:''' ''[scoffs]'' Even dead, that guy is a pain in my ass. ''[to Blade Wolf]'' So... you think that little sword can save your master? ''[chuckles]'' Well, go ahead, then. But make no mistake, ''Fido.'' When I'm finished with him, ''you're next.''
:'''Blade Wolf:''' I was not designed to fear termination.
:'''Armstrong:''' Hrm?
:'''Blade Wolf:''' However, directive zero one is to ensure all data acquired is preserved and passed along. To expire here would violate that directive.
:'''Armstrong:''' That's a good boy.
:'''Blade Wolf:''' However, Raiden came to my aid... I have learned from him. When Samuel fell, data analysis was inconclusive... but that has changed. I have established new parameters, now. Created my ''own'' directives.
:'''Armstrong:''' You little fuck!
:''[Armstrong jumps up to where Blade Wolf is perched just as the latter tosses Sam's sword to Raiden]''
:'''Armstrong:''' Damn ''mutt!''
:''[Armstrong kicks Blade Wolf away]''
:'''Raiden:''' ''Armstrong!''
:''[Armstrong grunts in frustration]''
:'''Raiden:''' I said my sword was a tool of justice... Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now... now I'm not so sure. And besides... ''This isn't my sword.''
:'''Armstrong:''' ''[removes his glasses]'' Come on!
:'''Raiden:''' OK. Let's dance.
{{line}}
:'''Armstrong:''' Well done, Jack...
:'''Raiden:''' ''Your dream dies with you.
:'''Armstrong:''' Maybe not...you've guaranteed the status QUO will go on...for a while longer at least. War...will continue as an institution, as an industry. Men will fight for reasons they don't understand, causes they don't believe in...but at least, i'll leave a worthy sucessor. You, Jack. You carve your own path, use whatever methods you see fit. You don't let legal bullshit get in the way...and if it costs a few lives...so be it.
:'''Raiden:''' ''[grips Armstrong's shoulder before ripping his heart out]''
:'''Armstrong:'''[collapses onto the ground and chuckles]'' Deep inside, we're...kindred spirits. You... and i...
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2013 video games]]
[[Category:PlayStation 3 video games]]
[[Category:Xbox 360 video games]]
[[Category:Metal Gear]]
[[Category:Hack and slash games]]
[[Category:Video games about suicide]]
[[Category:Censored video games]]
q7db1b2dq4q0ircnur9c0tpv72l51de
The Big Bang Theory (season 6)
0
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~2026-26282-56
3315157
/* The Tenure Turbulence [6.20] */
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons:''' [[The Big Bang Theory (season 1)|1]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 2)|2]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 3)|3]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 4)|4]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 5)|5]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 6)|6]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 7)|7]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 8)|8]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 9)|9]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 10)|10]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 11)|11]] [[The Big Bang Theory (season 12)|12]] | [[The Big Bang Theory|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:The Big Bang Theory|The Big Bang Theory]]''''' (2007–19) is an American television sitcom, aired on CBS, centering on the lives of two physicists, their neighbor, an aspiring actress and waitress at The Cheesecake Factory and two friends/coworkers at their university.
[[File:TBBT logo.svg|thumb]]
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep112|The Date Night Variable]]'' [6.01] ===
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Have I ever told you you're like a sexy praying mantis?
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': Every time you drink alcohol.
:'''Amy''': You know what's wonderful about the praying mantis? They devour their mate.
:'''Sheldon''': Your point being?
:'''Amy''': ''[undoing her top button]'' Dessert is served.
:'''Sheldon''': ''[unfazed]'' I just had cobbler.
:'''Amy''': ''[redoing her top button]'' You know what? I'm done with this.
:''[She gets up and starts to leave]''
:'''Sheldon''': Where are you going?
:'''Amy''': I'm leaving.
:'''Sheldon''': You can't leave. I need you.
:'''Amy''': ''[stopped in her tracks]'' You do?
:'''Sheldon''': Yes. You're my ride.
:'''Amy''': Sheldon, you either say something meaningful and from the heart, or you and I are done.
:'''Sheldon''': All right. ''[Offers her a seat]'' Please. ''[She sits down]'' Amy, when I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel, except...I know what kind of man I want to be.
:'''Amy''': Sheldon...that was beautiful.
:'''Sheldon''': I should hope so. That's from the [[w:Spider-Man (film)|first Spider-Man movie]].
:'''Amy''': I'll take it.
:'''Sheldon''': Good. Now, I assume we're splitting the check?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrappali|Raj]]''': You know, I’m growing to like American football.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': Yeah, it’s fun, isn't it?
:'''Raj''': Well, it’s not the balls-to-the-wall action of badminton or cricket, but hey, what is?
:'''Penny''': All right, who’s ready for another beer?
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': I’m good.
:'''Raj''': No, thank you.
:'''Penny''': Girls.
:'''Raj''': Oh, I’m having the nicest time. You guys are like family to me. You know that, right?
:'''Leonard''': That’s great. Get out.
:'''Raj''': What? Why?
:'''Leonard''': Penny and I have some issues we need to talk about.
:'''Raj''': Oh pish on your issues. You guys are fine. Yes, you hit some bumps along the way. I mean, Penny, you’ve always known how this man has felt about you, but you made him grovel for affection.
:'''Penny''': Okay, hold on…
:'''Raj''': Now, don’t blame yourself. He was a groveler from way back. But the point is, the two of you got past it. And, Leonard, you go and propose to this poor girl in the middle of sex? That was some weak tea, dude.
:'''Leonard''': Some people might say it was romantic.
:'''Raj''': Yeah, no. But yet, here you two are, still together. And that’s even after you and I had our crazy naked night.
:'''Leonard''': Okay.
:'''Penny''': That’s enough.
:'''Raj''': I’m just saying that after everything you've been through, you get to look into each other’s eyes and say “I love you.” And that’s beautiful. ''[Penny looks sideways guiltily]''
:'''Leonard''': Actually, to this day, she’s never really said it.
:'''Raj''': Oh, Penny! That’s ridiculous. You know you love him. You, you look him in the eyes and you say it.
:'''Penny''': Raj!
:'''Raj''': Oh come on, you know you want to say it. Say it. Say you love him. Say it!
:''[Raj is ejected from the apartment]''
:'''Raj''': I really thought she would say it.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep113|The Decoupling Fluctuation]]'' [6.02]===
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': This insistence on hand-holding is preposterous.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Well, I like it.
:'''Sheldon''': Yeah, of course you do. You’re a girl. You like all kinds of hippy-dippy things.
:'''Amy''': Just watch the movie.
:'''Sheldon''': It’s not fair. Penny isn't making Leonard hold hands.
:'''Amy''': There might be a reason for that.
:'''Sheldon''': Sweaty? Unhygienic? Looks dumb? Take your pick.
:'''Amy''': Penny said she’s not sure she wants to be Leonard’s girlfriend anymore.
:'''Sheldon''': Wrong. She just took a sip from his Diet Dr. Pepper.
:'''Amy''': So?
:'''Sheldon''': So, if she wants to end her pair-bond with Leonard, why on earth would she guzzle a witches’ brew of his soda and spit?
:'''Amy''': It’s complicated.
:'''Sheldon''': String theory is complicated. That’s just yucky. Don’t get any ideas. All right, for the sake of argument, let’s say that’s true. Why doesn’t Penny just end the relationship?
:'''Amy''': She’s not sure how she feels.
:'''Sheldon''': How can she not be sure how she feels? You know, when I have a feeling, I know it. Trains? Love them. Swordfish? I love them, too. They’re fish with a sword for a nose.
:'''Amy''': Regardless, don’t say anything to Leonard.
:'''Sheldon''': Now you’re asking me to keep a secret from my best friend, colleague, and roommate?
:'''Amy''': Yes, please, Penny will kill me.
:'''Sheldon''': Uh, fine. FYI, secret-keeping? Hate it. Hand-holding? Not a fan. Hammerhead shark? I love that thing. Yeah, it’s another fish with a tool on its head.
:'''Stuart''': Raisinet?
:'''Sheldon''': Shh, we’re trying to watch the movie. This is not working out with him.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Sheldon''': ''[Knock, knock, knock on the wall above Penny's bed]'' Penny? ''[Knock, knock, knock]'' Penny? ''[Knock, knock, knock]'' Penny? ''[Penny wakes up and screams. Sheldon also screams]''
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': Oh, my God, Sheldon?!
:'''Sheldon''': You ''frightened'' me!
:'''Penny''': What are you doing in my bedroom?
:'''Sheldon''': Yeah, well, I knocked on the front door, but you didn't hear it.
:'''Penny''': How did you even get in, you weirdo?
:'''Sheldon''': Yeah, really? I've seen strange men traipsing in and out of here for years, but when I do it, it’s weird?
:'''Penny''': What do you want, Sheldon?
:'''Sheldon''': Oh, I was having a little trouble sleeping and I just thought, uh, seeing as you’re up, we could talk.
:'''Penny''': Talk about what?
:'''Sheldon''': Oh, I don’t know, uh, weather, uh, fish you could do carpentry with, why Leonard is such an attractive and desirable boyfriend? Yeah, pick one, your choice.
:'''Penny''': Sheldon.
:'''Sheldon''': Did you know that Leonard has a perfect driving record and enjoys the insurance discounts that go along with that? Hubba-hubba.
:'''Penny''': Okay, go home, crazy man.
:'''Sheldon''': Yeah. Did you know that while Leonard is not considered a tall fellow in our country, in today’s North Korea, he’s downright average. Hey, talk about a keeper.
:'''Penny''': Okay, what did Amy tell you?
:'''Sheldon''': Oh, very well. I can’t keep up this clever charade any longer. She told me that you were thinking of ending it with Leonard.
:'''Penny''': Okay, you listen to me. I think it’s really sweet you’re trying to protect your friend, but this is none of your business. Got it?
:'''Sheldon''': Excuse me. This is not about protecting my friend. I’m a big fan of homeostasis. Do you know what that is?
:'''Penny''': Of course not!
:'''Sheldon''': Homeostasis refers to a system’s ability to regulate its internal environment and maintain a constant condition of properties like temperature or pH.
:'''Penny''': Worst bedtime story ever!
:'''Sheldon''': My point is, I don’t like when things change. So, regardless of your feelings, I would like you to continue dating Leonard. And also, while we’re on the subject, you recently changed your shampoo. I’m not comfortable with the new scent. Please stop this madness and go back to green apple.
:'''Penny''': Okay, honey, I have a lot to figure out, and until I do, you are not to say a word to Leonard. Do you understand?
:'''Sheldon''': I do. You clear on the shampoo issue?
:'''Penny''': Get out.
:'''Sheldon''': ''[Turns to go, then stops]'' Penny?
:'''Penny''': What?
:'''Sheldon''': ...Please don’t hurt my friend.
:'''Penny''': ''[Sighs]'' That is the ''last'' thing I want to do.
:'''Sheldon''': ''[turns to leave, but turns back]'' Coconut, what were you thinking? Are you a hula girl now?
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep114|The Higgs Boson Observation]]'' [6.03]===
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrappali|Raj]]''': Has your, uh, assistant said anything about me?
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': Oh, in fact, she has. Uh, her exact words were, what is that guy’s problem?
:'''Raj''': I’m in her head. Let the dance begin.
:'''Alex''': Here’s your frozen yogurt, Dr. Cooper.
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': This should be fun.
:'''Sheldon''': Half chocolate, half vanilla, side by side, not swirled?
:'''Alex''': Yes.
:'''Sheldon''': Half a teaspoon of sprinkles?
:'''Alex''': Rainbow, not chocolate.
:'''Sheldon''': Two cherries?
:'''Alex''': One on top, one on the bottom.
:'''Sheldon''': Stems removed?
:'''Alex''': Um, top one, yes. I didn't check the one on the bottom.
:'''Leonard''': Oh!
:'''Alex''': I’m so sorry, Dr. Cooper.
:'''Sheldon''': It’s all right, Alex. I’m not mad at you, I’m just disappointed.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sheldon''': ''[arriving with Alex]'' Oh, good, Leonard, you’re here. Science news. This will interest you. And, Penny, feel free to paint your nails.
:'''Leonard''': What do you got?
:'''Sheldon''': I believe Alex may have unearthed the grade school science project that could be my ticket to the Nobel Prize. Behold.
:'''Leonard''': Magnets: What Do They Stick To? If the answer is metal, it’s not exactly groundbreaking.
:'''Sheldon''': The original title was “A Re-derivation of Maxwell’s Equations Regarding Electromagnetism”" I dumbed it down because some of the more religious people in town were starting to say I was a witch.
:'''Alex''': Sheldon thinks the approach in this paper might change the way we calculate ferromagnetic hysteresis.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': Oh, it’s about time. I hated the old way. Hi. I’m Penny.
:'''Alex''': Alex. Uh, do you work with Dr. Hofstadter?
:'''Penny''': In a way. We've kind of been involved in a five-year experiment.
:'''Alex''': Oh. Well, you’re lucky. He seems very talented. And I’m sure a lot of people want to work with him.
:'''Penny''': Well, a lot of people can’t. Uh, hey.
:'''Leonard''': Where are we going?
:'''Penny''': My limbic system wants to take your pants off.
:'''Alex''': She seems nice.
:'''Sheldon''': Notice people on your own time. We’re working.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep115|The Re-Entry Minimization]]'' [6.04]===
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': You know, I am very disappointed that I won’t be able to celebrate Howard’s accomplishment tonight.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Me, too. But we’ll see him tomorrow.
:'''Sheldon''': Yes, it’s just that in all the years I’ve known him, he’s never had the opportunity to receive my admiration. I was excited to see the look on his face when it finally happened.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': You’re unbelievable.
:'''Sheldon''': I know.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Stuart''': ''[Enters]'' Oh! hey, man, welcome back!
:'''Howard''': Oh, Stuart, thanks! What are you doing here?
:'''Stuart''': Well... I kind of live here now.
:'''Raj''': Just until he gets back on his feet... which are looking good in those boots I bought him for my birthday!
:''[They fist-bump]''
:'''Stuart''': Ah, he's spoiling me and I love it.
:'''Howard''': Wow, so you guys are like buds now?
:'''Stuart''': Oh, yeah, we hang out all the time. Plus, he doesn't have a girlfriend, I don't have a girlfriend...
:'''Raj''': It's like we have these holes in our lives, but now we fill each other's holes.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Penny, Amy, Leonard and Sheldon kneel around the coffee table, each has a blueberry pie before them]''
:'''Penny''': Alright, standard State Fair pie eating contest rules are no hands, first one to clean the pan wins.
:'''Amy''': On the count of 3. 1... 2...
:'''Sheldon''': Wait. I'm a little concerned. Blueberries are rich in antioxidants.
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': So?
:'''Sheldon''': So with all those antioxidants, what if I run out of oxidants?
:'''Leonard''': Sheldon, we haven't won a game all night. Now you either stick your face in that pie or I'm gonna stick that pie in your face!
:'''Sheldon''': That's rude.
:'''Amy''': 1... 2... 3... EAT! ''[all four dive in face first then Howard arrives]''
:'''[[w:Howard Wolowitz|Howard]]''': Hey guys, guess who's back from space!
:'''All four''': NOT NOW! ''[Howard leaves]''
:'''Sheldon''': Oh! Ow! Blueberry in my nose! Blueberry in my nose!
:'''Leonard''': Snort it down and keep eating!
===''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep116|The Holographic Excitation]]'' [6.05]===
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': ''[reading a text]'' Unhh, it's from Leonard. He wants to go costume shopping later.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': I thought you liked Halloween.
:'''Penny''': I do. It's just that he wants to go to that party at the comic book store. A lot of the guys that hang out there are kinda creepy.
:'''Bernadette''': Like my husband?
:'''Amy''': And my boyfriend?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Howard Wolowitz|Howard]]''': Two weeks ago I was an astronaut.
:'''Bernadette''': Well, today you're a Smurf! Keep walking!
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep117|The Extract Obliteration]]'' [6.06] ===
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': Play, play, play!
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': What are you doing?
:'''Sheldon''': Trying to use a Jedi mind trick to control Stephen Hawking. Ugh, he must be wearing a tin foil hat or something.
:...
:''[later on]''
:...
:'''Sheldon''': Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back. Leonard, come back!
:'''Leonard''': ''[walks back into the room]'' What?
:'''Sheldon''': Oh, of course! It only works on the weak-minded.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Leonard''': ''[handing Penny a folder]'' Before you look, do you about the story of the Shoemaker and the elves?
:'''Penny''': Elves? Leonard, it's too early for Lord of the Rings.
:'''Leonard''': No, see, there's this shoemaker, and when he goes to sleep, these elves come out and make these amazing shoes for him. And when he wakes up, he would so happy, not mad at the elves at all. Here you go.
:'''Penny''': ''[reading the paper's headline]'' "The Effects of Slavery in the Old South, 1602-1865". What the hell is this?
:'''Leonard''': Don't ask me, a little elf did it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[Stephen Hawking|Dr. Stephen Hawking]]''': What do Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck! Neener, neener, neener!
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep118|The Habitation Configuration]]'' [6.07] ===
:'''[[w:Wil Wheaton|Wil Wheaton]]''': Sheldon, do you really think we're going to fight?
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': My fists are not up here because I'm milking a giant, invisible cow.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Howard Wolowitz|Howard]]''': I remember when I was five, hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. Had some Peanut M&M’S, went into my first anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital. Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock.
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrappali|Raj]]''': When did you figure out you were allergic to nuts?
:'''Howard''': Sometime around the third Almond Joy.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep119|The 43 Peculiarity]]'' [6.08] ===
:'''Alex''': Oh hi, Dr. Hofstader.
:'''Leonard''': Oh, hey, Alex. And call me Leonard. Dr. Hofstadter is my father. And my mother. And my sister. And our cat. Although I'm pretty sure that Dr. "Boots" Hofstader's degree is honorary.
:'''Alex''': May I join you, Leonard?
:'''Leonard''': Sure. Um, let me ask you something. My girlfriend knows this guy at school. He's got an English accent.
:'''Alex''': Ooh, I love English accents.
:'''Leonard''': Yeah, you all do. Anyway, I feel like he's hitting on her. She says he's just being nice and I should trust her.
:'''Alex''': It's probably harmless. You know how it is. I'm sure you get hit on all the time.
:'''Leonard''': Right. Because girls are always like: "Oooh, that guy owns two Star Trek uniforms and gets lots of ear infections. I gotta get me some of that."
:'''Alex''': You know, I bet it happens more than you realize.
:'''Leonard''': Trust me. It doesn't.
:'''Alex''': You sure? You're cute. You're funny. Maybe you're getting hit on and you don’t even know it.
:'''Leonard''': Really?
:'''Alex''': Yep, pretty sure.
:'''Leonard''': ''[Laughs]'' I have to get back to work. Thanks for listening.
:'''Alex''': No problem.
:'''Leonard''': Hope no girls rip my clothes off along the way.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': Hey. Shouldn't you be out with your gang spray painting equations on the side of buildings?
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': Come on, I'm sorry.
:'''Penny''': I just can't believe you don't trust me.
:'''Leonard''': I feel…Of course I do.
:'''Penny''': Then why did you embarrass me in front of my friend who, by the way, knew exactly who you were.
:'''Leonard''': Really?
:'''Penny''': Your picture's on my refrigerator!
:'''Leonard''': Oh. You know, I'm really starting to not like this guy.
:'''Penny''': What is your problem? Do you use up all your thinking at work and then have none left over for when you get home?
:'''Leonard''': I don't know. It's hard sometimes. Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I'm standing right there. And they're all taller than me. WHY IS EVERYONE TALLER THAN ME? You know what, this is all in my head. It's my problem, not yours.
:'''Penny''': Leonard. Why do you always do this? Listen to me. You are the one I'm with. You know I love you. So would you please relax because you are driving me crazy!
:'''Leonard''': ''[pause]'' You know that's the first time you said that you love me.
:'''Penny''': ''[stunned]'' Yeah.
:'''Leonard''': We're supposed to pretend it's not a big deal?
:'''Penny''': That's … exactly what we're going to do because you're about to make me cry and we both know that if I start crying, you're going to start crying.
:'''Leonard''': You're right we should…
:'''Penny''': Fine! ''[Runs down stairs]''
:'''Leonard''': ''[Enters apartment]'' She loves me.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep120|The Parking Lot Escalation]]'' [6.09] ===
:'''[[w:Howard Wolowitz|Howard]]''': ''[talking about his new car]'' It's parked in 294.
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': I'm sorry, 294 is my parking spot.
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrappali|Raj]]''': You don't even drive.
:'''Leonard''': Maybe they reassigned it because you don't use it.
:'''Sheldon''': I don't use my nipples either, maybe they should reassign those.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Bernadette Rostenkowski|Bernadette]]''': I’m really sorry that they took Sheldon’s spot away. He shouldn't have to suffer just because Howard’s such a big deal now.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': I know. Sheldon should just let Howard have his little moment in the sun.
:'''Bernadette''': What’s that supposed to mean?
:'''Amy''': Well, Howard’s never going to space again, but Sheldon will always be a genius.
:'''Bernadette''': You’re right. And I’m sure Sheldon will get a fancy parking spot again if and when he makes a worthwhile contribution to science.
:'''Amy''': If and when?
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': All right. Maybe we should change the subject. Amy, how are your lady parts? Still chilly down there?
:'''Bernadette''': Hang on. Hey. None of Sheldon’s theories have ever been definitively proven. My husband actually went to outer space.
:'''Amy''': That’s an impressive accomplishment. He’s now an inspiration to millions of Americans who now know you don’t have to be special or even qualified to go into space.
:'''Penny''': You know, I remember the first time I got a bikini wax. My..my sister did it with melted Crayolas and duct tape. ''[Laughs]'' It’s a bad idea.
:'''Bernadette''': Gosh, Amy, I’m sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon’s work, your sex life is also theoretical?
:'''Penny''': Damn.
:'''Amy''': Well, at least when we do make love, Sheldon won’t be thinking about his MOTHER! And yes, that’s a cleverly veiled reference to Howard’s lifelong obsession to crawl back into her spacious womb.
:'''Penny''': Anyway, to this day, I still can’t see a box of crayons without crossing my legs.
:'''Bernadette''': I don’t have to take this. I’m going to go home and have sex with my husband right now! Maybe I’ll let him do it to me in a parking spot; which sounds dirty, but I didn't mean it that way!
=== ''[[w:The Fish Guts Replacement|The Fish Guts Displacement]]'' [6.10] ===
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Sheldon, this isn't helping. Why don’t you just let me get some rest.
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': How can you sleep? I’m not done making you feel better. I still have to put a cold rag on your head, sing to you and apply VapoRub to your chest.
:'''Amy''': ''[taken by surprise]'' You... you want to rub something on my chest?
:'''Sheldon''': Yes. All over it.
:'''Amy''': ''[stifling a cough]'' Maybe we should start with that.
:'''Sheldon''': Now you’re being a responsible patient. ''[he picks up the tub of VapoRub and sits on the couch opposite Amy]'' Now, you may notice some tingling...
:'''Amy''': Oh, I’m counting on it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Howard Wolowitz|Howard]]''': Sir, I’m flattered that you invited me, and I really want you to like me, but I don’t think this trip is the way to do it. And I can’t return these things if there’s chunks of duck all over them.
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': So, why’d you agree to come?
:'''Howard''': ‘Cause Bernadette made me.
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': I tried to back out, too. My wife said I had to go.
:'''Howard''': Really? Your wife makes you do stuff? You’re a big, scary cop.
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': You’re an astronaut, and your wife makes you do things, and she’s only four feet tall.
:'''Howard''': So, what do we do now? They expect us to go away for the weekend.
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': Ah. There’s an Indian casino near Palm Springs. You know how to shoot craps?
:'''Howard''': No, but I’m not a stranger to dice games. I was the Temple Beth-El Hebrew School Yahtzee champion.
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': Mazel tov. I’ll teach you how to play.
:'''Howard''': Really? Thank you, sir.
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': Call me Mike.
:'''Howard''': Okay. Oh, boy, we’re just married to a couple of ball-busters, huh, Mike?
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': That’s my wife and daughter you’re talking about.
:'''Howard''': Great couple of gals.
:'''Mr. Rostenkowski''': I wouldn't go that far.
=== ''[[w:The Santa Simulation|The Santa Simulation]]'' [6.11] ===
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': Oh, before I forget, Saturday I’m planning a little Dungeons and Dragons night with the guys.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': Really? That’s how you’re gonna spend your Saturday night?
:'''Leonard''': Oh, come on, I hardly ever get a chance to play anymore.
:'''Penny''': Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
:'''Leonard''': Little bit, yeah.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': But first, I cast a spell of paralysis on Stuart and Howard.
:'''[[w:Howard Wolowitz|Howard]]''': Wait, what are you doing?
:'''Sheldon''': You can’t talk, you’re paralyzed. I get right up in Santa’s big, fat face and say, well, well, well, jolly old Saint Nick, we meet again. Yeah, I believe the last time we spoke was in the Baybrook Mall in Galveston, Texas, when I was five years old, isn't that right?
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': Uh, okay.
:'''Sheldon''': My mother dragged me there and she plopped me down on your lap and you asked me what I wanted for Christmas. And I told you, my Pop-Pop, because that was the year my grandfather died. I missed him and I wanted him back.
:'''Leonard''': This is weird, right?
:'''Sheldon''': Pop-Pop was the only one in my family who encouraged me to pursue science. But you didn't bring him back, did you? No, instead, I got Lincoln Logs. Well, you can build a lot of neat things out of Lincoln Logs, but Pop-Pop ain't one of ‘em. And now you’re here asking me for something, to save you. Well, sorry, Mr. Kringle, but today’s not your day. I’m leaving you here to rot, and I hope the ogres feast on your bones. I take the skeleton key, and I toss it into the chasm, and on the way out, I give Santa a swift kick in his bowl full of jelly!
:'''Leonard''': Okay. So Wolowitz and Stuart are paralyzed, Santa’s dead, and I picked this over having sex with my girlfriend.
=== ''[[w:The Egg Salad Equivalency|The Egg Salad Equivalency]]'' [6.12] ===
:''[Penny answers the door. Leonard is playing his cello outside.]''
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': ''[singing, to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb]'' I’m sorry Alex hit on me, hit on me, hit on me. I’m sorry Alex hit on me, I’d no idea I’m cute.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': Oh, damn it, you are.
:'''Leonard''': Please forgive me. I should have told you about Alex.
:'''Penny''': I don’t care about Alex. Fine, I care. Okay, I hate that bitch. But what really hurt is that you liked it so much. I mean, do I need to be worried?
:'''Leonard''': Of course not. No. Why?
:'''Penny''': Because, she is pretty and smart, and when you talk about work, she doesn't have to go home and look up words in the dictionary to understand what you said.
:'''Leonard''': You do that?
:'''Penny''': ''[pause]'' No.
:'''Leonard''': Hang on. Are you feeling insecure? Because that’s ''my'' thing, and if you take it away, I don’t know what I’m bringing to this relationship.
:'''Penny''': Yes, Leonard, I am insecure. Happy?
:'''Leonard''': No, I’m not happy.
:'''Penny''': Why are you smiling?
:'''Leonard''': I’m sorry. I just never think of you having feelings like that.
:'''Penny''': Well, I do.
:'''Leonard''': Why? Nothing is ever going to happen between me and Alex.
:'''Penny''': Good.
:'''Leonard''': Come here. Tell you a secret?
:'''Penny''': What’s that?
:'''Leonard''': With all these women chasing me, I kind of do feel like Captain Kirk.
:'''Penny''': Can I tell you a secret?
:'''Leonard''': Sure.
:'''Penny''': Keep talking about Captain Kirk, and we’re all gonna stop.
:'''Leonard''': Message received.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Penny''': So, hey, I was thinking about that stuff with Alex.
:'''Leonard''': Oh, would you stop worrying about that?
:'''Penny''': I can’t help it. But, look, I figured I could sit around and feel insecure, or I could do something about it. So I got a course catalogue at school and looked at some of the science classes.
:'''Leonard''': That’s great.
:'''Penny''': No, it isn’t, they are extremely boring. I mean, how do you not kill yourself, like, every day? Anyway, I decided I don’t need to be a scientist, I could just look like one. So I bought these.
:'''Leonard''': Glasses? I really don’t think that’s gonna change… oh, my God, you look so smart and hot.
:'''Penny''': I know, right? Watch this. Molecules.
:'''Leonard''': Okay, come with me.
:'''Penny''': Where are we going?
:'''Leonard''': To my bedroom, so I can take everything off but those glasses. And maybe the boots.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep124|The Bakersfield Expedition]]'' [6.13] ===
:''[Penny, Amy and Bernadette enter the Comic Book Store. Everyone inside stares at them in shock]''
:'''Bernadette''': ''[nervous]'' Why are they staring?
:'''Amy''': Who cares, just soak it in. Hello boys!
:'''Stuart''': Oh, hey! ''[To the staring men]'' Can you please stop staring, they're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
:'''Penny''': Hey Stuart.
:'''Stuart''': W-what brings you guys here?
:'''Bernadette''': We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
:'''Stuart''': Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
:'''Penny''': ... No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try.
:'''Stuart''': Oh, o-okay, well, what do you think you might be into? Superhero? Fantasy? Graphic novels? Manga? ''[sees his customers are staring at them again]'' I swear, I will turn a hose on you!
:'''Bernadette''': What kind of comics do the guys like?
:'''Stuart''': Umm... A little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
:'''Amy''': All right, well, who's the best superhero?
:'''Stuart''': ''[panicking]'' SSHH! You can't ask a question like that in here! You trying to start a rumble!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Leonard''': Fine, but set phasers to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never find a girlfriend that pretty again.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep125|The Cooper/Kripke Inversion]]'' [6.14] ===
:'''Amy Farrah Fowler''': The monkey in my tobacco study has taken to smoking a pipe. I'm supposed to remove his brain to examine, but it's hard because now he reminds me of my uncle. ''[looks at Sheldon, who just nods silently]'' You've been awfully quiet tonight. Is everything okay?
:'''Sheldon Cooper''': I'm fine.
:'''Amy''': Alright, so how was work today? Did you exchange your research with Kripke?
:'''Sheldon''': Yes.
:'''Amy''': Sheldon, what's wrong?
:'''Sheldon''': I read his research; it's leaps and bounds ahead of mine. Which means the mommy of the smartest physicist in the university is not my mommy as I had thought. It's his mommy! ''[starts crying]''
:'''Amy''': Sheldon, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. May I offer you a consoling hug?
:'''Sheldon''': What do we have to lose?
:''[Amy hugs him tightly]''
:'''Amy''': How's that?
:'''Sheldon''': I feel like I'm being strangled by a boa constrictor. ''[Amy lets go]'' Why did you stop?! ''[Amy hugs him again]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Penny''': Sheldon, can I ask you a question?
:'''Sheldon''': Of course.
:'''Penny''': You ever gonna sleep with Amy?
:''[Leonard and Sheldon just stare at her]''
:'''Sheldon''': That's awfully personal.
:'''Leonard''': ''[a little scared]'' We don't ask Sheldon things like that.
:'''Penny''': Maybe you don't, I do. What's the deal?
:'''Sheldon''': Well, word around the university is I'm giving her sex organs a proper jostling.
:'''Penny''': All right, come on. Be serious. Look, you guys have been going out a long time. She would clearly like to have a physical relationship with you, so what are you doing?
:'''Leonard''': All right, we're down the rabbit hole. What ''are'' you doing?
:'''Sheldon''': Well, first of all, I'm quite fond of Amy.
:'''Penny''': Then what's the problem?
:'''Sheldon''': Penny, all my life, I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others—handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would've been unthinkable.
:'''Leonard''': Now you know how I feel when I have to put it on you.
:'''Penny''': Okay, hang on. Are you saying someday you and Amy might...actually get physical?
:'''Sheldon''': ''[long pause]'' It's a possibility.
:'''Penny''': ''[silently, grabbing Leonard's shoulder] Oh, my God!'' Sheldon, I know this wasn't easy for you, and I'm really glad we could have this conversation.
:'''Sheldon''': Oh, yeah.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep126|The Spoiler Alert Segmentation]]'' [6.15] ===
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': One vintage Mister Mxyzptlk action figure. That’s Leonard’s.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Children’s toy.
:'''Sheldon''': One Star Trek: The Next Generation Phasor. That’s Leonard’s.
:'''Amy''': Children’s toy.
:'''Sheldon''': One Game of Thrones collector’s edition long claw sword. Ah, Leonard and I bought that together. That’s a bit of an ethical conundrum. Eh, I’ll keep it.
:'''Amy''': So, what’s your plan moving forward?
:'''Sheldon''': I suppose I’ll have to find and cultivate a new roommate. What a task that will be. Do you know how uncivilized Leonard was when I took him in?
:'''Amy''': No.
:'''Sheldon''': It took me forever to get him on a bathroom schedule. He would go whenever the mood struck him.
:'''Amy''': Like a dog boy.
:'''Sheldon''': Exactly.
:'''Amy''': What if you could find a roommate who was a scientist and already familiar and comfortable with your ways?
:'''Sheldon''': That would be ideal. If a person like that existed I would sign on no further questions asked.
:'''Amy''': Great! Here I am!
:'''Sheldon''': Wait. Here who is where?
:'''Amy''': Me. Aren't I your perfect roommate?
:'''Sheldon''': Um.
:'''Amy''': Think about it, Sheldon. I’m not a stranger. We’re intellectually compatible. I’m willing to chauffeur you around town. And your personality quirks which others find abhorrent or rage-inducing I find cute as a button. What do you think?
:'''Sheldon''': Um.
:'''Amy''': Tell me one reason that this isn't a fantastic idea.
:'''Sheldon''': Um.
:'''Amy''': See, you can’t. I’m going to see if Leonard’s room is big enough for my water bed.
:'''Sheldon''': Um.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sheldon''': You can’t live here.
:'''Amy''': What? Why? Is it the {answering machine} message? I only used urban slang to sound tough so people wouldn't break in.
:'''Sheldon''': It’s not the message.
:'''Amy''': What is it then? I did everything just the way you like it.
:'''Sheldon''': You did.
:'''Amy''': THEN WHAT THE HELL SHELDON!?!? We have been going out for over two years and I have been nothing but patient with you. I watch your dopey space movies. I signed your ridiculous contract. I even stopped wearing lip gloss because you said it made my mouth look too slippery. I am the best girlfriend you’re ever going to have. Just give me one good reason why I can’t live here.
:'''Sheldon''': It’s Penny’s fault.
:'''Amy''': What?
:'''Sheldon''': She doesn't want to live with Leonard so he has to live here again. She’s the snake in our garden. She’s the reason we can’t be happy.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep127|The Tangible Affection Proof]]'' [6.16] ===
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': You know what. That was pretty crappy of you. All I wanted to do was give you a great night and it’s like you went out of your way to destroy it.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory)|Penny]]''': Yep. I know. I’m a total bitch.
:'''Leonard''': I’m not saying that.
:'''Penny''': Well, I am.
:'''Leonard''': Well. Fine you win. You’re a bitch. Why couldn't we just have a nice time?
:'''Penny''': I don’t know. Maybe because things are going so well between us lately and I’ve been really happy.
:'''Leonard''': Okay. You’re going to have to make a ''lot'' more sense than that.
:'''Penny''': Obviously I have some commitment issues.
:'''Leonard''': Glaringly obvious. Go on.
:'''Penny''': As long as things keep going great between us, you’ll keep asking me to marry you and eventually I’m going to end saying yes then we’re going to be married forever and the whole thing just freaks me out.
:'''Leonard''': Okay. I know I propose a lot so how about this. I promise I will never ask you to marry me again.
:'''Penny''': What? What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?
:'''Leonard''': No. No, no, no, no, no. But if someday you decide to you want to get married, you have to propose to me.
:'''Penny''': Really?
:'''Leonard''': Yes. All on you. But I got to tell you when the time comes I want the whole nine yards. I want you down on one knee, flowers, I want to be swept off my feet.
:'''Penny''': You got it.
:'''Leonard''': And I’m cool with surprises, but nothing on the jumbo-tron. I don’t to cry on a big screen like that.
:'''Penny''': Okay. You know what, this might be the wine talking, but I have a very important question to ask you.
:'''Leonard''': You do?
:'''Penny''': Leonard Hofstader.
:'''Leonard''': Yes.
:'''Penny''': Would you be my valentine?
:'''Leonard''': Sorry, maybe next year. I’m just kidding. Romance ninja! Let’s have sex! Wo-ah!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrepali|Raj]]''': Can I have your attention please? We’re all here tonight because we have no one to be with, but this doesn’t make us mutants. The only mutants here are in these comic books. Let us stop defining our self-worth by whether or not we’re in a relationship. You know what I see when I look around? I see a room full of great people. So let’s give ourselves a break. We are a community and as long as we have each other we’re never truly alone.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep128|The Monster Isolation]]'' [6.17] ===
:''[Lucy knocks at Raj's door.]''
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrepali|Raj]]''': Just a sec. Oh, I said 'just a sec'. I hate myself. [Opens door.] Hello.
:'''Lucy''': Hi.
:'''Raj''': Would you like to come in?
:'''Lucy''': Um. No. I can't stay.
:'''Raj''': Oh.
:'''Lucy''': I just wanted to say I'm sorry for running out of the coffee shop. That wasn't cool. So, ah, yeah. I'm sorry.
:'''Raj''': Wait. Can you at least tell me what went wrong? It's okay, I can take anything. Unless it's something I did or said or am, 'cause those are like my buttons.
:'''Lucy''': No. It's not any of that. It's just I kind have a hard time around people I don't know.
:'''Raj''': Really? Then what were you doing at the comic book store that night?
:'''Lucy''': I've been trying to force myself into situations that I'm not comfortable with. I saw the flyer in the store window and I made myself go in. I don't even like comic books.
:'''Raj''': Yeah, me neither.
:'''Lucy''': Then what were you doing in there?
:'''Raj''': I lied. I love them. I only said that so you would go out with me.
:'''Lucy''': You don't want to do that. I'm kind of broken.
:'''Raj''': That's great! I'm broken too.
:'''Lucy''': Oh no you're not.
:'''Raj''': Oh I totally am. If it wasn't for this beer I couldn't even talk to you right now. I'm a wreck. There are many things seriously wrong with me. And not quirks either. Like diagnosable psychological problems. Maybe brain damage.
:'''Lucy''': Well. How do I know you're not just saying that?
:'''Raj''': Go out with me on one date and I promise you you'll see.
:'''Lucy''': OK. Text me. Bye.
:'''Raj''': You won't regret it. I'm the most pathetic guy you ever met. ''[To himself.]'' And that, boys and girls, is how it's done.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Penny is performing on stage in [[w:A Streetcar Named Desire (play)|A Streetcar Named Desire]] as [[w:Blanche DuBois |Blanche DuBois]]]''
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory character)|Penny]]''': You love her very much. Don't you?
:'''Tom''': Yes.
:'''Penny''': You think you have great capacity for devotion. You'll be lonely when she passes on, won't you? I understand about it.
:'''Tom''': You lonely?
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': She's good, huh?
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': She is, but when do we get to the part about the streetcars?
:'''Penny''': When I was a very young girl. When I was sixteen years old I made the discovery. Love. All at once much, much too completely. Like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something had always been half a shadow. That's how it struck the world for me. Then I was unlucky to lose it.
:'''Sheldon''': She's remarkable.
:'''Leonard''': She really is.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Our Penny's a star.
:'''Sheldon''': How can she remember all those lines, but as a waitress she can't remember "no tomato" on my hamburger?
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep129|The Contractual Obligation Implementation]]'' [6.18] ===
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': So now let's bring out theoretical physicist, Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': Hello, female children. Allow me to inspire you with a story about a great female scientist. Polish born, French educated Madame Curie. Co-discover of radioactivity. She was a hero of science until her hair fell out, her vomit and stool became full with blood and she was poisoned to death by her own discovery. With a little hard work I see no reason why that can't also happen to any of you. Are we done? Can we go?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrepali|Raj]]''': Thanks again for letting me drag girls' night.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory character)|Penny]]''': Are you kidding? You brought fancy wine and made fondue. I've slept with guys for less.'' [Everyone stares at her.] ''It's a joke! Based on real events.
:'''Raj''': Anyway I was hoping I could pick your brains a little. I'm supposed to take Lucy out Friday and I need a killer first date.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Well, evolutionary biology says that women are attracted to a man who is steady in the face of danger So I recommend an unsafe environment. A seedy bar on the wrong side of the tracks. Picnic near a lunatic asylum. A wine tasting on skid row.
:'''Raj''': Lucy has some social anxiety issues. Maybe we could start with something simpler.
:'''[[w:Bernadette Rostenkowski|Bernadette]]''': Why don't you take her to Disneyland? You can go on Space Mountain; you're in the dark, she's holding onto you.
:'''Penny''': Yeah, you just have to remember that that ride is shorter then you think. And they take a picture at the end so make sure you have all your clothes back on. ''[Everyone stares at her]'' It's a joke!! ...Based on real events.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep130|The Closet Reconfiguration]]'' [6.19] ===
:'''Penny''': The letter was found in Bernadette's closet. Doesn't that count for something?
:'''Sheldon''': Are you pointing out that California is a community property state and since Howard and Bernadette are married the intellectual property contained in that letter is jointly owned by the two spouses?
:'''Penny''': Yeah, obviously.
:'''Sheldon''': Well played. Sometimes I don't give you enough credit, Penny.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Howard Wolowitz|Howard]]''': What are you guys doing here?
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': When you left you weren't sure whether or not you wanted to know what was in your Dad’s letter so we came up with kind of a cool solution.
:'''Howard''': Oh yeah, what’s that?
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': It’s simple really. It occurred to me that knowing and not knowing can be achieved by creating a macroscopic example of quantum superposition. The principle that a physical system exists partially in all of its possible states at once.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory character)|Penny]]''': We were all thinking it, really. Kind of the elephant in the room.
:'''Sheldon''': Anyway, um, I realized if we each present you with an account of what your father wrote to you, only one of which is true, and we don’t tell you which one it is, you will forever be in a state of epistemic ambivalence.
:'''Penny''': Yeah. And he said if it wasn't epistemic, we might as well not do it.
:'''[[w:Bernadette Rostenkowski|Bernadette]]''': Sit down, honey.
:'''Sheldon''': Raj, you’re up.
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrepali|Raj]]''': Okay. It was a card for your eighteenth birthday. Inside it said: Happy Birthday Howard. I love you, Dad. Oh, and it was a Farsides’ card, the one where the frog has his tongue stuck to the underside of an airplane. Thinks it’s a fly. Silly frog. So funny.
:'''Leonard''': Sheldon.
:'''Sheldon''': It was a map, leading to the lost treasure of famous pirate One-Eyed Willy.
:'''Howard''': Nice try. That’s the plot for Goonies.
:'''[[w:Amy Farrah Fowler|Amy]]''': Told you.
:'''Sheldon''': Don’t.
:'''Leonard''': Amy.
:'''Amy''': You didn’t know it, but your father was in the auditorium at your high school graduation and he cried because he was so proud of you.
:'''Howard''': Really?
:'''Sheldon''': Or that’s complete poppycock which Amy made that up and it could still be the map.
:'''Leonard''': Penny.
:'''Penny''': It was a letter explaining that your Dad wasn't who he said he was. Eventually his other life caught up to him and the only way to keep you and your Mom safe was to leave.
:'''Sheldon''': I would like to change mine. The pirate’s name was Peg Leg Antoine. Now it’s completely different from Goonies.
:'''Amy''': No it’s not.
:'''Sheldon''': Don’t.
:'''Leonard''': OK, my turn. Your Dad wrote about how family is the most important thing and that you should never throw it away like he did.
:'''Howard''': Hm.
:'''Leonard''': Bernadette.
:'''Bernadette''': Inside the envelope was a picture of your Dad holding you the day you were born. On the back he wrote: Howard, my son, my greatest gift. ''[Howard gets up and walks away]''. You okay?
:'''Howard''': Yeah. I’m terrific.
:'''Sheldon''': So? Which one do you think it is, matey?
:'''Howard''': Actually I don’t want to know. I want all of them to be true.
:'''Leonard''': Well, one of them is.
:'''Howard''': That is pretty cool. Thank you guys.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sheldon''': Uh, Penny, I, I have a couple of questions about your closet. Is there any reason you’re keeping this dead goldfish? ''[He takes a dead fish out of the bag]''
:'''Penny''': Damn, I forgot to feed him... And that I had him!
:'''Sheldon''': Well, now, did you also have a dog? Because I found what appears to be a battery-operated chew toy ''[He searches inside the bag]''.
:'''Penny''': ''[with a loud yell of embarrassment]'' Party’s over! Party’s over!
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep131|The Tenure Turbulence]]'' [6.20] ===
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': My primary concern with being granted tenure is living with an insanely jealous roommate after the fact. Remind me to put a gun under my pillow. Or a chain saw.
:'''Amy''': Or you take advantage of your new found economic stability and move out, get a house, get married, start a family.
:'''Sheldon''': Or the chain saw.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory character)|Penny]]''': So who do you have to smooze to get this deal?
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': I'm not going to smooze anyone. I'm going to let my work speak for itself.
:'''Penny''': That's great. That takes a lot of integrity.
:'''Leonard''': I'm a naive idiot, right?
:'''Penny''': Oh good, you heard me. Raj Screw it I'm going in! Sheldon No No. That was what I said to Raj's mother last night.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep132|The Closure Alternative]]'' [6.21] ===
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory character)|Penny]]''': So I was thinking about how excited you get about stuff like Buffy or science or which TV remote you and Sheldon should buy.
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': The Harmony one was fine. We didn't need to upgrade to the 1100 which he knows is too big for my hand.
:'''Penny''': You see that’s the kind of passion I didn't think I had. But then I realize I’m passionate about you.
:'''Leonard''': Ahh, my cute little tushie strikes again
:'''Penny''': Well I’m serious. Look I always had these plans to be in the movies, to live this glamorous life and anything else in my life just wasn't worth getting excited about.
:'''Leonard''': Well, those things can still happen.
:'''Penny''': Oh, obviously it’s going to happen. A psychic at a bachelorette party told me so. Anyway what I meant was I shouldn't wait. You know, I got you. I got Sheldon. These wonderful friends. My life is exciting right now.
:'''Leonard''': Big deal.
:'''Penny''': It is, isn't it?
:'''Leonard''': So does that mean we get to do stuff like talk about cool shows or get dressed up in matching costumes and then go to Comic Con.
:'''Penny''': Leonard, I had an epiphany; not a stroke.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': They can't just cancel a show like Alphas. You know? They have to help the viewers let go. ''Firefly'' did a movie to wrap things up. ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' continued on as a comic book. ''Heroes'' gradually lowered the quality season by season till we were grateful it ended.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep133|The Proton Resurgence]]'' [6.22] ===
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': You may find this hard to believe, but I didn't have any friends growing up.
:'''Arthur Jeffries''': You know, I get that.
:'''Sheldon''': But, um, I did have you. And every day at 4 o’clock you’d come to my house on channel 68 and we’d do science together. If it hadn't been for you, who knows what would have become of me. You know, instead of a world class physicist I could have wound up a hobo … or a surgeon.
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': I bet there are important discoveries made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way their discoveries are your discoveries.
:'''Sheldon''': It’s true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
:'''Arthur''': Well thanks, thanks, you guys. That means a lot.
:'''Leonard''': It’s important you know how much mean to us.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': Professor Proton, it is an honor to meet you.
:'''Arthur''': Just call me Arthur.
:'''Sheldon''': Leonard. Did you hear that? Professor Proton said that I should call him Arthur. That means we’re friends.
:'''Arthur''': No. A friend would have told me about the elevator.
:'''Sheldon''': Look at me. I can get as close to you as I want without my Mom saying its going to ruin my eyes.
:'''Arthur''': Is he dangerous?
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': Actually he’s a genius.
:'''Sheldon''': I am.
:'''Arthur''': That doesn't answer my question.
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep134|The Love Spell Potential]]'' [6.23] ===
:'''Amy''': Ah well. When we were going through security I got pulled out of line for a pat-down. The TSA agent got a little handsy. I may have broken her nose with my elbow.
:'''Bernadette''': Long story short, she’s now on the no-fly list and we might have been followed here by a drone.
:'''Amy''': I’m sorry. I feel like such an idiot.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory character)|Penny]]''': Oh, it’s not so bad. You lost money, you feel shame and you got groped by a stranger. That’s Vegas. You nailed it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Sheldon Cooper|Sheldon]]''': ''[Knock..knock..knock]'' Amy? ''[Knock..knock..knock]'' Amy? ''[Knock..knock..knock]'' Amy?
:'''Amy''': What?
:'''Sheldon''': Never knocked on my own door before. That was a wild ride.
:'''Amy''': You don’t have to come in here and cheer me up.
:'''Sheldon''': Thank-you. Would you go and tell everyone else that because they think otherwise.
:'''Amy''': I’ll tell you what they think. They think our relationship is a joke.
:'''Sheldon''': Well, I don’t think our relationship is a joke. I think a horse goes into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” That’s a joke. It’s a good one, too, because a horse has a long face.
:'''Amy''': Sheldon. Are we ever going to have an intimate relationship?
:'''Sheldon''': Oh my. That’s an uncomfortable topic. Amy, before I met you I never had any interest in being intimate with anyone.
:'''Amy''': And now?
:'''Sheldon''': And now what?
:'''Amy''': Do you have any interest now?
:'''Sheldon''': I’ve not ruled it out.
:'''Amy''': Wow, talk dirty to me.
:'''Sheldon''': I know it doesn’t seem like it to you, but for me what we have is extremely intimate.
:'''Amy''': I guess I know that. It’s just a part of me wants more.
:'''Sheldon''': More? Just look at us. It’s only been three years. Here we are in bed together. ''[Sitting on it.]''
:'''Amy''': ''[Amy laughs slightly.]'' Come on. Let’s go back out there.
:'''Sheldon''': No, hold on. My Elven magic user and your half-Ork warrior did have a love spell cast on them. We wouldn’t really be playing the game right if we didn’t see that through.
:'''Amy''': OK.
:'''Sheldon''': I believe that we just killed the dragon and while the others pillage the corpse I lead you to a secluded area where I attempt to remove your leather armor. ''[Rolls dice]'' It comes off.
:'''Amy''': Oh?
:'''Sheldon''': What do you do?
:'''Amy''': I…kiss you on the lips?
:'''Sheldon''': I kiss you back on the… ''[Rolls dice]'' …lips as well. Your turn.
:'''Amy''': I remove your armor. What do you do?
:'''Sheldon''': I erotically caress your… ''[Rolls dice]'' …nose.
:'''Amy''': Keep rolling!
=== ''[[w:The Big Bang Theory (season 6)#ep135|The Bon Voyage Reaction]]'' [6.24] ===
:'''[[w:Leonard Hofstadter|Leonard]]''': Anyway, Stephen Hawking’s team is looking into that and I’ve been invited to join them.
:'''[[w:Penny (The Big Bang Theory character)|Penny]]''': Wow Hawking, good for you!
:'''Leonard''': Well it is. Just...you know I’d be gone for a while.
:'''Penny''': For how long.
:'''Leonard''': Three - four months.
:'''Penny''': Whoa. When would you leave?
:'''Leonard''': A couple weeks.
:'''Penny''': Wow. OK. Well, I’ll just come visit you.
:'''Leonard''': That’s the thing. You can’t. I’ll be on a ship in the North Sea.
:'''Penny''': On a ship? Aren’t they afraid Hawking will just roll overboard?
:'''Leonard''': He’s not going to be there. He’s just sending a team to research his theory.
:'''Penny''': Oh sure. Like when you send me to kill spiders in your bathtub. Well, OK. Four months.
:'''Leonard''': Yeah, I’m a little worried because things between us have been so great. And I’d hate to do anything to screw that up.
:'''Penny''': Oh, sweetie. If you’re going to do anything to screw things up, it’s going to be while you’re here, not while you’re away.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Penny''': Are you OK?
:'''[[w:Rajesh Koothrappali|Raj]]''': No.
:'''Penny''': I’m so sorry.
:'''Raj''': No, it’s my fault. I finally find somebody who is right for me and I drove her away.
:'''Penny''': Oh. Raj.
:'''Raj''': Penny, I miss her already.
:'''Penny''': I known how you feel. I miss Leonard too
:'''Raj''': What is wrong with me? Why can’t I ever have love?
:'''Penny''': You will.
:'''Raj''': No. I’m unlovable.
:'''Penny''': That’s just the booze talking.
:'''Raj''': No, no. I haven’t had a drink since last night.
:''[Both realized what he said and look shocked]''
:'''Penny''': You're talking to me.
:'''Raj''': I am.
:'''Penny''': Ahh!
:'''Raj''': Now I’m crying for a whole different reason.
:'''Penny''': Me too!
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Big Bang Theory (season 6), The}}
[[Category:The Big Bang Theory seasons]]
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Precious (film)
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'''''[[w:Precious (film)|Precious]]''''' is a 2009 American film about Claireece Precious Jones, an African-American teenager who survives physical, emotional and sexual abuse to find a better life in an alternative school. It was directed by [[w:Lee Daniels|Lee Daniels]], and is based upon the novel ''[[w: Push (novel)|Push]]'' by [[w:Sapphire (writer)|Sapphire]].
{{center|'''Life is hard. Life is short. Life is painful. Life is rich. Life is....Precious.'''}}
==Claireece Precious Jones==
*My name is Claireece Precious Jones. I wish I had a light-skinned boyfriend with real nice hair. And I wanna be on the cover of a magazine. But first I wanna be in one of them BET videos. Momma said I can't dance. Plus, she said who wants to see my big ass dancing, anyhow?
*There's always something wrong with these tests. These tests paint a picture of me with no brain. These tests paint a picture of me and my mother, my whole family as less than dumb. Just ugly black grease, need to be wiped away, find a job for.
*I'm gonna break through or somebody gonna break through to me.
*The other day, I cried. I felt stupid. But you know what? Fuck that day. That's why God, or whoever, makes new days. Still hungry, though.
*''[to her mother]'' You know, to this day, I never even knew who you was, not even after all them things you did. Maybe I was too stupid. Maybe I just didn't want to. You ain't gonna see me no more.
==Mary Jones==
*See, I think right now you think you becomin' a grown woman. 'Cause that shit you pulled in the kitchen... I shoulda fucked you up. But I let you walk away. And I let you get yourself together. But, bitch, I'mma let you know, don't you ever pull that shit again. That'll be your last mothafuckin' day stayin here. I promise you that. You gon' send a white bitch to my mothafuckin' buzzer? Talkin' 'bout some higher education? You're a dummy, bitch! You will never know shit! Don't nobody want you, don't nobody need you! You done fucked around and fucked my mothafuckin' man? And had two mothafuckin' children? And one of 'ems a goddamn animal, runnin' 'round lookin' crazy as a mothafucka? Bitch, you know what? See, I think you... I think you tryin' me. I think you tryin' to fuck with me. You fuckin' with my money... and you gon' stand up there and look at me like you a mothafuckin' woman? I'mma show you what real women do, bitch. See, you don't know what real mothafuckin' women do. Real mothafuckin' women sacrifice! I shoulda aborted your mothafuckin' ass! 'Cause you ain't shit! I knew it when the doctor put you in my goddamn hand you wasn't a goddamn thing! You wear that smirk on your face, bitch?
==Dialogue==
:'''Precious:''' ''[through speaker; to Mrs. Lichtenstein]'' Stop ringing the Goddamn buzzer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mrs. Lichtenstein:''' We should have a parent-teacher conference with you, me and your mother.
:'''Precious:''' My mother's busy.
:'''Mrs. Lichtenstein:''' Alright. How about if I come to your house?
:'''Precious:''' If I were you, I wouldn't.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mary:''' Precious! ''[kicks something]'' PRECIOUS! PRECIOUS! GET DOWN HERE, BITCH! You brought that white bitch up in my house?! Why would you bring that bitch up in here?!
:'''Precious:''' I didn't bring her here.
:'''Mary:''' Well, why the fuck did she ring my buzzer?! ''[silence]'' I can't hear you, Precious. Since you got so much motherfuckin' mouth, and you gon' bring a bitch up in my house, why would that bitch ring my goddamn buzzer?!
:'''Precious:''' I didn't tell her to come here!
:'''Mary:''' See, I-I-I think, right now, you feelin' like you're becomin' a grown woman. 'Cause that shit you pulled in the kitchen, I shoulda fucked you up, but I let you walk away, and I let you come get yourself together. But, bitch, I'm-a let you know, if you ''ever'' pull that shit on me again, that will be your last motherfuckin' day standin', I ''promise'' you that. You gon' send a white bitch to my motherfuckin' buzzer, talkin' 'bout some higher education? You're a ''dummy,'' bitch. You will never know shit. Don't nobody ''want'' you, don't nobody ''need'' you. You done fucked around and fucked my motherfuckin' man, and had two motherfuckin' children, and one of 'em is a Goddamn animal, runnin' 'round lookin' crazy as a motherfucka? Bitch, you know what? See, I think you-- I think you tryin' me. I think you really tryin' to fuck with me. You fuckin' with my money, and you gon' stand up there and look down at me like you're a motherfuckin' woman? I'm-a show you what real women do, bitch. See, you don't know what real motherfuckin' women do. Real motherfuckin' women sacrifice! I shoulda aborted your motherfuckin' ass, 'cause you ain't shit! I knew that the day the doctors put you in my Goddamn hand, you wasn't a Goddamn thing, and you had that smirk on your face, bitch? I'm-a-- Get it off your fucking face! ''[throws a glass object at Precious, and it breaks]'' Now smile about that! Smile about that, you fat bi--! ''[Precious kicks a slipper at Mary]'' Bitch, I'm-a-- ''[runs up to Precious]'' I'm-a kill you, bitch! ''[Mary chases Precious up the stairs]'' Fuck!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': Talk to me about the little you do know about your father. It is important, whether you know it or not.
:'''Precious''': He give me his baby and my one before it, but I don't never see him...
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': Wait, what did you say he gave you?
:'''Precious''': Nothing.
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': Wait, Claireece, you just said your father gave you something...
:'''Precious''': Nothing.
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': No, I ''heard'' you just say--
:'''Precious''': You didn't hear shit.
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': I heard you just say your father--
:'''Precious''': You didn't hear shit like it!
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': I don't care, honey! I need to know this!
:'''Precious''': ''[overlapping]'' I didn't say nothing like it! Let's move on!
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': I need this to help you--
:'''Precious''': Bitch, can we change the subject?
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': ''[tossing her file aside]'' Okay. Well, I'll see you next time then. Or maybe you'll see someone else. But you're going to have to talk to someone if you want your check, sweetie.
:''[long pause]''
:'''Precious''': I see vampires, too.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tootsie''': You got a nasty-ass mouth.
:'''Joann''': You got a nasty-ass hat.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ms. Rain:''' ''[to Precious]'' Come with me. ''[Precious doesn't listen]'' Precious? Excuse me?
:'''Precious:''' Nurse said I'm HIV positive. I ain't got nothing to write today.
:'''Female Classmate:''' ''[concerned]'' Is your baby okay?
:'''Precious:''' He all right. I just gotta stop breastfeeding him.
:'''Ms. Rain:''' ''[to Precious]'' I remember you once told me-- You never really got to tell your story. Write.
:'''Precious:''' ''[to Ms. Rain]'' Fuck you! You don't know nothing what I been through! ''[tears start falling]'' I ain't never had no boyfriend. My daddy said he gonna marry me. I ain't gonna do, that would fuckin' be illegal! ''[she starts crying]''
:'''Ms. Rain:''' Write.
:'''Precious:''' ''[voice breaking]'' I'm tired, Ms. Rain.
:'''Ms. Rain''': If not for yourself, then for the people who love you.
:'''Precious''': ''[voice breaking]'' Nobody loves me.
:'''Ms. Rain''': People ''do'' love you, Precious.
:'''Precious''': ''[crying]'' Please don't lie to me, Ms. Rain. Love ain't done nothing for me, love beat me... raped me... called me an animal... make me so worthless and... make me ''sick.''
:'''Ms. Rain''': ''[about to cry]'' That wasn't love, Precious. ''[tear falls]'' Your baby loves you. ''[whispers]'' ''I'' love you. ''[voice breaking]'' ''Write.''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Precious''': You don't even like me.
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': Have we not been in this room together for like, a year discussing your life?
:'''Precious''': Does that mean we like each other because we discussing my life?
:'''Mrs. Weiss''': ''[smiling]'' Well, I can't speak for you. I can only speak for me, and I like you. I do.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mary:''' I-I... I had a man, and I have a child...and I had to take care of both of 'em, okay? Did I want Carl...to touch my baby? Because I would lay my baby...I would lay her on the side of me, on this pillow...and it was...pink...and it had this little...white writin' on it, and it had her name...'cause she was precious. And I would lay my baby on that pillow, and Carl would be layin' on the other side... and then, we would, we would, uh, start doin' it, and he reached over...and he touched my baby. And I asked him...I said, "Carl, what are you doin'?" And he told me...to shut-- To shut my fat ass up, and it was good for her.
:'''Mrs. Weiss:''' And what did you do then?
:'''Mary:''' I shut my fat ass up. And I don't want you to...sit there and judge me, Miss Weiss.
:'''Mrs. Weiss:''' ''[in tranquil fury]'' You shut up and you let him abuse your daughter?
:'''Mary:''' I did not want him to abuse my daughter. I did not want him to hurt her.
:'''Mrs. Weiss:''' ''[overlapping Mary]'' But you ''allowed him'' to hurt her.
:'''Mary:''' I did not want him to do nothin' to her. I wanted him to make love to me. That was ''my'' man. That was ''my'' fuckin' man. That was ''my'' man, and he wanted my daughter. And that's why I hated her. Because my man, who was supposed to be loving me, who was supposed to be makin' love to me, was fucking my baby. And she made him leave. She made him go away.
:'''Mrs. Weiss:''' So whose fault was that?
:'''Mary:''' It's this bitch's fault, because she let my man have her, and she didn't say nothin'. She didn't scream, she didn't do nothin'. So, those things that she told you I did to her? Who, who, who else was going to love me? Hmmm? Since you got your degree, and you know every fuckin' thing, who was gonna love me? Who... who was gonna make me feel good, who was gonna touch me, and make me feel good late at night? And she made him go away. So... when you sit there, and you writin' them fuckin' notes on your pad about who you think I am, and why I did it and all of that... because I didn't have a man.
==Cast==
*[[w:Gabourey Sidibe|Gabourey Sidibe]] - Claireece Precious Jones
*[[w:Mo'Nique|Mo'Nique]] - Mary Jones
*[[w:Paula Patton|Paula Patton]] - Ms. Blu Rain
*[[Mariah Carey]] - Mrs. Weiss
*[[w:Lenny Kravitz|Lenny Kravitz]] - Nurse John
{{wikipedia}}
==External links==
*[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0929632/trivia?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu ''Precious'' at imdb.com]
[[Category:2009 films]]
[[Category:American drama films]]
[[Category:HIV/AIDS in film]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films about child abuse]]
[[Category:Sundance Film Festival award–winning films]]
[[Category:Films about mother–daughter relationships]]
[[Category:Films about disability]]
6dcpqmmwquhwgt162nt3ez21c6jhvmk
That's So Raven (season 1)
0
190749
3935224
3921067
2026-05-01T01:39:39Z
~2026-13865-07
3299083
/* Wake Up, Victor (2003) S1 Ep4 */
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Season''' [[That's So Raven (season 1)|1]] [[That's So Raven (season 2)|2]] [[That's So Raven (season 3)|3]] [[That's So Raven (season 4)|4]] | [[That's So Raven|'''Main''']]
----
'''''[[w:That's So Raven|That's So Raven]]''''' (2003-2007) is a television show about Raven Baxter, a teenage psychic that can see into the future. "So I have these occasional visions that may or may not come true." Raven and her family and friends always get involved into weird situations, struggling to stop the visions from coming true.
=== Mother Dearest (2003) S1 Ep1===
:'''Eddie''': (about Mr. Petracelli) That cracking thing he does with his neck is nasty. My grandmother does that with her toes.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Raven''' (to Eddie): Okay, my parents have to meet with Petracelli and they are going to freak! How am I going to tell them?
:'''Eddie''': Just fake being sick. They can't get mad if you're sick.
:'''Raven''': I stopped doing that kind of stuff when I was 8. It's brilliant!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Eddie''': (about Raven in her disguise) You don't even look like your mom. You look like you ate your mom.
==Test of Friendship (2003) S1 Ep2
:'''Eddie''': Wait, wait, Rae Rae Did you have a vision? No, a vision about me dating a cheerleader? Or another cheerleader?
:'''Raven''': Eddie, I have visions, not fantasies.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chelsea''': ''[gasps]'' Raven!
:'''Raven''': ''[gasps]'' Oh! I have the answers to Eddie's test!
:'''Chelsea''': No, you said Didi! That's my aunts name!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chelsea''': So what do you want, Rae?
:'''Raven''': You know what? I want you to be the one who's psychic so I'll be the one asking you, "So, watcha gonna do?"
:'''Chelsea''': Oh. So, watcha gonna do?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chelsea''': Yeah! Who wants to go party with the boys when you can come over to Rae's and have a nice study party!
:'''Eddie''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, and afterwards, maybe we can sit around, do each other's toenails, and share our feelings!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Raven''': So, Chelsea, what are we playing for?
:'''Chelsea''': Yes, we're playing for a nice cold root beer! Courtesy of...your mom and dad! Yes, your mom and dad! Makers of you and Cory.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cory''': ''[speaking in Spanish]'' Stupido, stupido, stupido!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Raven''': I hear your students might be switching to French!
:'''Senorita Rodriguez''': French! I bet that new French teacher is behind this! Madam What's-Her-Face! I don't trust that woman. She's about as French as French fries and yet she prances around with her croissants and her international coffee like She's. All. That.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Raven''': ''[trying to tell Eddie he got the wrong test]'' You see what happened is they gave your Uncle Louie the wrong ''test''! You see, so they gave him a completely wrong ''test''! So, he got a totally wrong ''test''! You see? Comprende?
:'''Eddie''': ''[not understanding]'' I don't have an Uncle Louie.
:'''Senorita Rodriguez''': Raven, we're about to take a test!
:'''Raven''': But-
:'''Senorita Rodriguez''': Raven, Eddie obviously doesn't care about his Uncle Louie!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Senorita Rodriguez''': Well, Eddie, you're done early.
:'''Eddie''': Yeah, well Spanish always comes easy to a brother.
:'''Senorita Rodriguez''': ''[speaks to him in Spanish]''
:'''Eddie''': Uh...salsa?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Eddie''': (sees Raven and Chelsea swinging outside) What are you doing?
:'''Raven''': (whispers) You got the...wrong answers.
:'''Chelsea''': (whisper) Your teacher...she changed the test!
:'''Eddie''': What?
:'''Raven''': Don't make us...
:'''Chelsea''': say it again.
:'''Eddie''': What am I gonna do? I don't know this stuff!
:'''Raven''': Just do...
:'''Chelsea''': the best...
:'''Raven and Chelsea''': you can!
=== Wake Up, Victor (2003) S1 Ep4===
:'''Victor''': Cory, what happened?
:'''Cory''': Let's not point fingers, but it's all Raven's fault! (points at Raven)
:'''Eddie''' (to Cory & Miles): What are you two wearing?
:'''Cory''': Miles' grandpa says this is how the players dress in Florida.
:'''Eddie''': Looks like your grandpa played you!
<hr width="50%"/>
<hr width="50%"/>
=== Smell Of Victory (2003) S1 Ep6===
:'''Raven''': Ben, you stink. Okay, look, I’m sorry.
:'''Ben''': I do?
:'''Raven''': Hasn't anybody ever told you that before?
:'''Ben''': Well, my mom...but that's just my mom. She thinks my dad smells too.
:'''Raven''': Interesting.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Raven''': 28 minutes and 19 seconds; that's how long me and my nose have been in there. The good news, we finished the project. The bad news, we have to burn the couch.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Eddie''': Cuddles died?
:'''Raven''': Yeah, he died the same way he lived, on the wheel.
=== Campaign In The Neck (2003) S1 Ep7
:'''Raven''': Where you going?
:'''Chelsea''': To get something to drink.
:'''Raven''': ''[loud enough for Eddie and Corey to hear]'' Oh, I'll get something for you. Don't worry about that, Chelsea! ''[Eddie and Corey give her a baby bottle from behind the door]'' Here you go. There. I'll make sure it's good for you.
:'''Chelsea''': Thanks, but I was thinking something more like a soda.
:'''Raven''': Soda? Girl, do you know that stuff is bad for you? Milk brings strong bones. Got to work on it. I'll even join you... ''[they give her a soda from behind the door]'' with a nice soda.
:'''Chelsea''': ''[takes soda from Raven]'' Thanks.
:''[Chelsea is sitting on the stage waiting for election results and Raven is standing behind the curtain]''
:'''Raven''': Come on, Chels, you gotta talk to me sometime.
:'''Chelsea''': No, I don't. Go away!
:'''Raven''': I'll hit you.
:'''Chelsea''': You will not! ''[Raven punches Chelsea from behind the curtain]'' OW!
=== The Parties (2003) S1 Ep9 ===
:'''Cory''': PILLOW FIGHT!!
----
:'''Nicki''': Love the jacket Rae, I used to have one just like it... when it was style. No offense! ''[snaps at her hairspray girls to laugh]''
:'''Raven''': None taken. Oh and Nicki, I love what you're doing with your makeup girl. It's really covering up most of them scales. No offense. ''[Chelsea laughs by imitating those hairspray girls]''.
----
:'''Raven''': (to girl lowering her pants) GIRL YOU BETTER PULL THAT BACK UP!
=== Ye Olde Dating Game (2003) S1 Ep10===
:'''Chelsea''': Rae, I don't think this petticoat seems very royal.
:'''Raven''': Well, if the royal queen doesn't want her royal hiney to be stuck by a royal pin, she's going to be royally quiet, alright, okay.
:'''Gabriel''': Hey.
:'''Raven''': Hey!
:'''Gabriel''': Uh, no. Hay, stuck in your hair.
=== Dissin' Cousins S1 Ep11===
:'''Raven''': Okay, she's almost here. Which ones, these or these?
:'''Chelsea''': Rae, you always freak out every time your cousin Andrea comes in from Europe.
:'''Raven''': Girl, I am fine. I just need to know what hat says, you know, "Thanks for coming, but you need to go back to Paris."
:'''Chelsea''': Rae, she's only gonna be here for a little while.
:'''Raven''': Okay, I understand that, but does this belt say, "Just because we're relatives doesn't mean I have to like you"?
--------------------------
(Raven and Eddie talking on the phone)
:'''Raven''': Okay, okay, I know I shouldn't of said that we were going out but she made me so mad. Can't you just be my boyfriend for one week? What's the big deal?
:'''Eddie''': Because in a week, Andrea will be gone. You had a vision. Now, I had that same vision. I want that kiss, you promised me that kiss.
:'''Raven''': Okay, Eddie, I just can't back down now. She will never let me live it down.
:'''Eddie''': But I'm a man. I have feelings. I need to be held, Rae
:'''Raven''': Okay, Eddie, don't make me come down there and...(Andrea walks in Raven's room) give you the biggest hug my Eddie bear has ever had!
:'''Eddie''': What?! She's there isn't she?
:'''Raven''': Oh, I miss you too, Pookie
:'''Eddie''': Okay, now, Rae, that's it. I'm drawing the line at "Pookie"
-----------------------------
:'''Andrea''': You remember that pony I had?
:'''Raven''': Yeah
:'''Andrea''': Made it up
:'''Raven''': Well you remember that soccer trophy I had?
:'''Andrea''': Uh huh
:'''Raven''': Garage sale. $2.50.
=== Teach Your Children Well (2003) S1 Ep12===
:'''Tanya''': Today, we are going to be working on "Romeo and Juliet." Can anyone tell me what this play is about?
:'''Raven''': Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. They both die. Cry, cry, cry. The end.
:'''Raven''' (to Chelsea): We're going in. (''tries to open the door'') No, we're not. It's locked.
:'''Chelsea''': Ugh, it's locked!
:'''Raven''': I just said that.
:'''Chelsea''': I know.
----
:'''Raven''': Max, my mama is married okay? Let it go before it gets ugly!
----
:'''Raven''': ''[shouts]'' I'M FREE! ''[starts singing, dancing and clapping her hands]'' NO MOM! NO MUMA! NO MUMA! NO MUMA! NO MUMA! NO MUMA!
=== Driven To Insanity (2003) S1 Ep13 ===
:'''Raven''': Mom, if you love me, you'll start dragging my sorry butt home right now!
:'''Tanya''': I'm going to talk to your father first and we'll see how sorry your butt is!
:'''Raven''' (to Chelsea): Do your parents listen to you?
:'''Chelsea''': They kinda have to, Rae, they're both therapists. It's just kind of freaky when they tell me my times up and they'll see me next week.
:'''Raven''': (to Matthew, impersonating as Chelsea) Hello, Matthew.. Yeah hi so this is like Chelsea, Raven's friend and so.. and like she wanted to tell you that she so can't make it Friday night.
:'''Eddie''': (to Cory) Well, look at it this way. In four years, you'll be fourteen, but then Chelsea will be nineteen and she still won't be looking your way. But by then, I'll be dating college girls!
:'''Raven''': I'm feeling kinda sick. Could you take me home?
:'''Matthew''': No problem, just let me get the check. Waiter? Waiter? Waiter?
:'''Raven''': ''[fed up and screams]'' WAITER!
''[dishes start falling]''
=== Saturday Afternoon Fever (2003) S1 Ep15===
:Cory (to Raven): I need to use your bathroom.
:Raven: Um, what's wrong with the one downstairs?
:Cory: Dad just used that one.
:Raven: Say no more!
:Raven: I just had the best vision!
:Eddie: Ooh, did it involve me and Hallie Berry?
:Raven: No. I see things that are actually going to happen.
=
=== A Dog By Any Other Name (2003) S1 Ep14===
:'''Chelsea''' (to Cory): Do you still wear those pajamas? You know, the ones with the bunny feet, baby?
:'''Cory''': Well, baby, if that's what turns you on.
:'''Eddie''' (rapping): I may be sitting in the seat, soaked my feet, but this homeboy's got you beat. Ah-ha! You can say all you want, make funny faces, but you're nothing but sad rapping cousins. You think you're so smart (pointing one guy) you get F's and D's (points to another guy) and your grades so low man, you get straight Z's. I might be sittin' through spit and spray, but that doesn't even matter cause I'm gonna get an A.
:'''Raven''' (to Sam): Don't worry. She likes you, you lucky dog!
:'''Raven''' (looks at Eddie's pink and heart embroided shirt): I like that...I have that!
:'''Eddie''': It was either this or a tube top.
:'''Raven''': Reservations for Raven? (Eddie glares at her) You should really get a cell phone, alright?
===
=== Separation Anxiety (2003) S1 Ep15===
:'''Raven''': I love this picture of me and my folks. We were so happy
:'''Chelsea''': Where's Cory?
:'''Raven''': He wasn't born yet. That's why we were so happy.
----------------------------------
=== If I Only Had A Job (2003) S1 Ep18===
:'''Dad:''' "Tell your mother everything is fine."
:'''Raven:''' "Hey, Mom! We haven't eaten for days, your plants are dead, and I'm dropping out of school. Love ya, bye."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:''[in strong accents]''
:'''Raven:''' ''[as Liz Anya]'' Do you know who I be? Does you listen to music?
:'''Eddie:''' ''[as Liz Anya's bodyguard]'' Do you watch TV?
:'''Chelsea:''' ''[as Liz Anya's executive]'' Do you carry a lunh box?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Chelsea:''' ''[in strong British accent]'' Yeah, Liz Anya can't just sing ''cold''!
'''Eddie:''' '''[as Liz Anya's bodyguard] '''Y-Yeah, you see, Liz Anya's got to get warmed up.
'''Raven:''' ''''[as Liz Anya] ''''Just have Victor prepare my usual.
'''Manager:''' Ummm, Victor doesn't work here anymore!
Raven, Eddie, Chelsea: [spits out water at the same time]
'''Raven: [as Liz Anya] WWWHHHHAAAATTTT?!?!?!?!
'''Manager:''' SHHHHHH!!!!
'''Eddie:''' Don't SHHHHHH her!
'''Raven:'''[as liz Anya] GET ME J.LO!!!!
'''Chelsea:''' OHHHHHH, YOU DONE IT NOW!!!!
'''Chelsea:''' [calls Cory]
'''Raven:''' [as Liz Anya] Hey, girlfriend, you know I'm down here at Augustine's and this fool fired Victor! I-I know. She wants to talk to you.
'''''Manager:''''' S-She wants to talk to me!
'''Eddie:''' Don't look at the phone, brotha.
''''Manager:'''' Hi! Mrs. Lopez, I'm a really big fan.
'''Cory:''' '''If you want to see my back get Victor back!, [Victor walks in and hears Cory][Cory] Mom said all boys voice change when they get older. [Cory runs to his room immediately]
'''''Raven: [as Liz Anya] [chants] Victor, Victor, Victor!
[[Category:American television seasons]]
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Trolls (film)
0
192042
3934962
3934650
2026-04-30T12:25:27Z
~2026-25222-33
3313765
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wikitext
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{{italic title}}
[[File:Trolls - Alternative Logo.svg|thumb|It’s inside you! It’s inside of all of us! And I don’t think it. I feel it!]]
'''''[[w:Trolls (film)|Trolls]]''''' is a 2016 American animated [[w:Jukebox musical|jukebox musical]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] based on the dolls of the same name created by [[w:Thomas Dam|Thomas Dam]]. The film revolves around two trolls on a quest to save their village from destruction by the Bergens, humanoids who devour trolls.
Produced as the 33rd animated feature by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]] and distributed by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]], the film debuted on October 8, 2016 at the BFI London Film Festival, and was released in the United States on November 4, 2016.
:''Directed by [[w:Mike Mitchell (director)|Mike Mitchell]] and [[w:Walt Dohrn|Walt Dohrn]]. Written by [[w:Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger|Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger]] and Erica Rivinoja.''
==Dialogue==
:'''Branch''': ''[sarcastically]'' Why don't you try scrapbooking them to freedom?
:'''Poppy''': ''[sarcastically too]'' Solid burn, Branch.
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy puts a picture of Creek and she expands the pictures of her friends, then expands the tall picture of Cooper]''
:'''Poppy''': So special. Good night, Cooper. Good night, Smidge. Good night, Fuzzbert. Good night, Satin. Good night, Chenille. Good night, Biggie. Good night, DJ. Good night, Guy Diamond... ''[chuckles]'' Good night, Creek. ''[Taps the picture]'' Boop.
:'''Branch''': ''[with envy]'' And good night, Poppy.
<hr width=60%>
:''[While the Bergens are looking for the trolls]''
:'''Prince Gristle''': Daddy, where are they?
:'''King Gristle Sr.''': ''[to Chef with angry] Don't just stand there! Make my son HAPPY!
:'''Chef Bergen''': He will be <big>'''HAPPY!'''</big>
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': Satin, Chenille, sharp right!
:'''Chenille''': Let is do it!
:'''Satin''': Whoop!
:'''Poppy''': Guy Diamond, glitter him!
:'''Guy Diamond''': ''[autotune] Eat glitter! HAHA!''
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy looks at the sky and her flower bracelet dings, meaning it's Hug Time. She looks at the bracelet, sits up, and looks at Branch, wanting to hug him]''
:'''Branch''': Don't even think about it.
:''[Poppy's flower bracelet shuts down, then mumbles and looks at the starry sky.]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing] Stars shining bright above you.''
:'''Branch''': ''[sits up]'' Really? Seriously? More singing?
:'''Poppy''': Yes, seriously! Singing helps me relax. Maybe you oughta try it.
:'''Branch''': I don't sing, and I don't relax. This is the way I am, and I like it. I also like a little silence!
:''[mandolin playing]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' Hello darkness my old friend, I have come to talk with you again...''
:'''Spider''': Hello.
:'''Poppy''': ''[continues singing]'' Because a vision softly creeping... Left its seeds while I was sleeping... And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains. Within the sound... of silence.
:'''Branch''': May I? ''[she gives him the mandolin, and he tosses it into the fireplace, then gets back into his sleeping bag]''
<hr width=60%>
:''[That night at Bergen Town]''
:'''King Gristle Sr.''': ''[off-screen]'' That's right! Take her away! ''[The Bergens take her away]'' Get her out of my sight! ''[on-screen]'' She is hereby banished from Bergen Town forever!
:'''Chef Bergen''': We can all be happy again. I'll find the Trolls! ''[The Bergens kick her out]'' And shove them down your ungrateful throats.
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy and Branch are still walking to make it at Bergen Town]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Branch''': Do you have to sing?
:'''Poppy''': I always sing when I'm in a good mood.
:'''Branch''': Do you have to be in a good mood?
:'''Poppy''': Why wouldn't I be? By this time tomorrow, I'll be with all my friends. Ohh! I wonder what they're all doing right now.
:'''Branch''': Probably being digested.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': I don't do high fives.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Slap it, boss.
:'''Branch''': Not gonna happen.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Party on the top floor.
:'''Branch''': Nope.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Little slappy? Make Daddy happy?
:'''Branch''': That's weird.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Come on, just one little high five!
:'''Branch''': Oh, no thanks, I'm good.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Look, just do this but with YOUR hand. ''[slaps his hand]''
:'''Branch''': Thank you for the demonstration. Really cleared up exactly what I will NOT be doing.
:'''Poppy''': Branch! It's a high 5! The others lead to certain DEATH! Get perspective!
:''[pause]''
:'''Branch''': ''[growls under his breath]'' One high five and then you'll tell us which tunnel to take, right?
:'''Cloud Guy''': So easy...
:'''Branch''': ''[growls]'' Okay, fine! ''[tries to slap Cloud Guy's hand]
:'''Cloud Guy''': ''[pulls his hand away]'' Whoop! Too slow!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': They're alive, Branch, I know it!
:'''Branch''': You don't know anything, Poppy. And I cannot wait to see the look on your face when you realize the world isn't all cupcakes and rainbows. Cause it isn't. Bad things happen, and there is nothing you can do about it.
:'''Poppy''': Hey, I know it is not all cupcakes and rainbows, but I did rather go through life thinking that it mostly is instead of being like YOU. You don't sing; you don't dance...so gray all the time! What happened to you--
:'''Branch''': ''[puts a finger to her mouth]'' Shh!
:'''Poppy''': ''[whispering]'' A Bergen?
:'''Branch''': ''[whispering]'' Maybe. ''[walks ahead a little]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[stays where she is, looking around carefully, then realizes--]'' There is no Bergen, is there? You just said that, so I'd stop talking!
:'''Branch''': ''[still whispering]'' Maybe.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Cloud Guy''': I'm going to let you slide with a fist bump.
:''[as Branch goes to fist bump Cloud Guy starts doing all kinds of weird movements with his hand]''
:'''Cloud Guy''': [[w:Shark|Shark attack]]! Nom-nom-nom-nom. [[w:Jellyfish|Jellyfish]], hand [[w:Sandwich|sandwich]], [[w:Turkey (bird)|turkey]], [[w:Snowman|snowman]], [[w:Dolphin|dolphin]], [[w:Helicopter|helicopter]], [[w:Last Supper|last supper]], [[w:Monkey|monkey]] in a zoo.
:'''Branch''': What?
:'''Cloud Guy''': ''[covers Branch is fist with his hand]'' Gearshift. ''[starts to pretend to be a car and change gears with Branch’s fist; then starts laughing. Poppy laughs as well, but Branch glares at her and she stops laughing]'' Okay, okay, okay. Now I'm thinking we hug. ''[in anger, Branch breaks a stick in half, Cloud Guy is body suddenly has thunder and lightning and starts to rain]''
<hr width=60%>
:'''Guy Diamond''': Oh, boy.
:'''Cooper''': Here we go again.
:'''Biggie''': Oh, Branch.
:'''Satin''': You always ruin everything.
:'''Chenille''': Warning us about the Bergens.
:'''Branch''': No, I don't. ''[Flashback; during a birthday party when Branch had run in screaming]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the birthday cake over and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[During a wedding ceremony when he had run in screaming]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the wedding cake over and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[During a funeral when Branch had run in as well]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the coffin over (instead of the funeral cake) and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[Back at the present moment]''
:'''Poppy''': Come on, we haven't seen a Bergen in twenty years. They're not going to find us!
:'''Branch''': No, they're not going to find me, because I will be in my highly camouflaged... heavily fortified, Bergen-proof survival bunker.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': ''[gets surprised after finding Creek alive in Prince Gristle's amulet]'' Creek?
:'''Poppy''': I knew he was alive.
:'''Biggie''': ''[to Mr. Dinkles]'' Mr. Dinkles, he is alive!
:'''Mr. Dinkles''': ''[first words]'' Oh, snap.
:''[The trolls gasp in shock]''
:'''Biggie''': You just talked? ''[Mr. Dinkles beeps]''
<hr width=60%>
:'''Prince Gristle''': I love it! ''[Applause from Bibbly, Chad, and Todd]''
:'''Bridget''': I think you look fat.
:'''Prince Gristle''': What?! ''[They stare at Bridget]''
:'''Poppy''': "P-H phat". Then strike that pose!
:'''Prince Gristle''': Hot lunch! Total Honesty from a total babe. ''[Holds Bridget's hand]'' And who might you be?
:'''Poppy''': Your name is, uh...um, uh...
:'''Biggie''': Lady!
:'''Guy Diamond''': Glitter?
:'''Smidge''': Sparkles!
:'''Branch''': Seriously?
:'''Bridget''': My name is Lady Glittersparkles. Seriously.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Well, my Lady Glittersparkles, would you care to join for an evening at Captain Starfunkle's Roller Rink and Arcade?
:'''Bridget''': Would I! ''[to Poppy]'' Would I?
:'''Poppy''': Yes! You did be delighted.
:'''Bridget''': Yes! You did be delighted.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Oh! Indeed, I would!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Satin, Chenille''': It is going to be the biggest...
:'''DJ Suki''': The loudest!
:'''Cooper''': The craziest party ever!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': Branch! Branch! Branch! Branch, are you in there? Huh?
:'''Branch''': I'm not going to your party.
:'''Poppy''': The party's over. We just got attacked by a Bergen!
:'''Branch''': I knew it!
:'''Poppy''': It took Cooper, and Smidge, and Fuzzbert, and Satin and Chenille and Biggie, and Guy Diamond... and Creek!
:'''Branch''': ''[rolls his eyes and shrugs]'' Eh.
:'''Poppy''': Which is why I have to ask you... will you go to Bergen Town with me and save everyone?
:'''Branch''': What? No
:'''Poppy''': Branch, you can't say no! They're your friends!
:'''Branch''': Ah-ah-ah, they're YOUR friends.. '''Poppy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, that's great. You're the one guy who knows more about Bergen's than anyone... but, when we finally need you, you just want to hide here forever?
:'''Branch''': Forever? ''[scoffs]'' No. ''[Branch pulls a lever that leads them down to an even bigger bunker]'' Yeah, I really only have enough supplies down here to last me ten years, eleven if I'm willing to store and drink my own sweat, which I am. You all said I was crazy, huh? Well, who's crazy now? Me, crazy prepared!
<hr width=60%>
:'''King Peppy''': No troll left behind!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Smidge''': ''[repeated line]'' Oh my gah!
<hr width=60%>
: ''[Fade to black. The four eyes open and it looks at the cocooned Poppy. It is revealed to be a four-eyed spider—monster. The other monsters climb down to Poppy and begin to eat her. Then, Branch's hair expands to grab Poppy away from the monsters. He glares at the monsters as the monster look at him. Branch takes a pan out of his camping bag. He throws the pan at the monsters, but it didn't work. He gasps nervously as the spider ran toward him. He takes off his camping bag and expands his hair to fight the spiders. After he fights the spiders with his hair, the monsters to enter a cave, after which turns out to be the mouth of a camouflaged creature. The cave-like monster devouring spiders and menacingly looks down at Branch. Branch gasps and monster falls back asleep. Branch sighs and looks at the cocooned Poppy]''
:'''Branch''': Oh, no. Poppy! Hang on! ''[Branch gets a stick from a tree and gets two bugs and rips the web out of Poppy. He rubs the bugs together and Poppy is heart starts to pulsate]''
:'''Poppy''': ♪''Get back up again!♪'' Branch, my man, you were ''right'' on time.
:'''Branch''': Oh, right, like you knew I was coming.
:'''Poppy''': Yes. I figured after the third Hug Time, getting eaten by a Bergen would not seem so bad.
:'''Branch''': And I figured there was no way you could do this by yourself. Guess we were both right.
:'''Poppy''': Hmm. All right! Let's do this! Sooner we get to Bergen Town, sooner we can rescue everybody...
<hr width=60%>
:'''Bridget''': Wait! Why isn't this one singing?
:'''Cooper''': Come on, Branch. Sing with us!
:'''Trolls''': Yeah, Branch, sing with us!
:'''Branch''': No. That's okay.
:'''Bridget''': You don't think this will work?
:'''Branch''': No, no. It's not that. I just don't sing.
:'''Poppy''': Branch!
:'''Bridget''': No. He's right. This idea is stupid. King Gristle will never love me. ''[starts crying]''
:'''Cooper''': Come on. Hey, hey. What's all this?
:'''Biggie''': ''[tries to comfort Bridget]'' That's right, Bridget. Just let it all out. ''[Bridget cries loudly]'' Bridget, let it go. Just have a good cry. Go, girl! Okay, now bring it back in. Reel it in.
:''[Branch climbs to the window]''
:'''Poppy''': Branch, what are you doing? You have to sing!
:'''Branch''': I told you, I don't sing.
:'''Poppy''': You have to!
:'''Branch''': I'm sorry. I can't.
:'''Poppy''': No, you can. You just won't.
:'''Branch''': Fine. I just won't.
:'''Poppy''': You have to!
:'''Branch''': No!
:'''Poppy''': Yes!
:'''Branch''': No!
:'''Poppy''': Why NOT!? Why won't you sing?!
:'''Branch''': ''[irritated]'' Because singing killed my grandma! Okay?!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': When are you gonna ask him about Creek?
:'''Poppy''': We have to warm him up first. Don't you know anything about romance?
:'''Branch''': '' [sarcastically]'' Of course! I am passionate about it.
:'''Poppy''': Really?
:'''Branch''': Don't you know anything about sarcasm?
:'''Cooper''': I think I had a sarcasm once.
:'''Prince Gristle''': And I'll take one of everything, Bibbly. Things are gonna get messy.
:'''Captain Starfunkle''': Enjoy your pizza. Here's your tokens.
:'''Bridget''': Ooh, so fancy. Good thing I brought my appetite.
:'''Prince Gristle''': You are fantastic!
:'''Poppy''': Bridget, compliment back!
:'''Bridget''': I like your back.
:'''Poppy''': No, I meant...say something nice about him.
:'''Bridget''': But I do like his back.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Huh?
:'''Bridget''': Um...
:'''Branch''': Poppy, Help her!
:'''Bridget''': Your eyes... They're... Ugh... Ooh! Your ears... Your eyes... ears...
:'''Biggie''': Nose!
:'''Satin, Chenille''': Skin!
:'''Cooper''': Neck!
:'''Bridget''': Skin, neck, ears, nose, face, back of your head.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Are you okay?
:'''Guy Diamond''': ''[autotune]'' Your teeth.
:'''Bridget''': Teeth.
:'''Prince Gristle''': What is going on? Are you making fun of me?
:'''Bridget''': Your eyes!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Okay, everybody. Let's go save Creek.
:'''Bridget''': No! No! You can't leave. Lady Glittersparkles is gonna be the king's plus one at dinner.
:'''Branch''': The dinner where they're serving Troll? Yeah, I think we're gonna have to skip that one.
:'''Bridget''': No! No, you have to help me be Lady Glittersparkles. I need you.
:'''Poppy''': You don't wanna pretend to be someone you're not forever!
:'''Bridget''': Then how about just for tomorrow?
:'''Poppy''': Bridget, you don't need us anymore. You and the king can make each other happy!
:'''Bridget''': That's impossible! Only eating a Troll can make you happy. Everyone knows that! I wish I'd never gone on this STUPID DATE! ''[sobbing]''
:'''Poppy''': Bridget.
:'''Bridget''': Just go... GET OUT OFF MY ROOM! Leave me alone!
:'''Poppy''': Please, listen.
:''[The trolls leave Bridget's room as Bridget breaks down]''
:'''Chef Bergen''': ''[to Bridget; on microphone with angry]'' '''IDGET!'''
:'''Branch''': ''[to Poppy]'' We've gotta go.
:'''Chef Bergen''': ''[on microphone with angry]'' What's going on down there? Idget, scrub that dish! The king's bringing a plus one.
:'''Bridget''': ''[sobbing]'' Yes, Chef...!
<hr width=50%>
:''[While rescuing her friends]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Looking up at a sunny sky, so shiny and blue and there's a butterfly! Well, isn't that a super fantastic sign?♪'' ''[As she stops, a frog-like monster eats the butterfly, a blob-like monster eats him, a group of tiny orange moth-like monsters fly by him, leaving only the bones behind, and a purple plant-like monster breathes fire on the bones of the monster, turning it into a pile of ash which he sucks up into his mouth. He turns to menacingly look at Poppy and growls. She stares back at him.]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing nervously as she edges sideways]'' ''♪It is going to be a fantastic day♪'' ''[runs off]''
:''[She runs off. The next shot, we see Poppy on the puffed geysers. She goes to a geyser which makes Poppy fly. The next shot, Poppy is swinging on vines which's turn out to be tangled snake-like monster, which bows his head at the sight of the princess. She sees a monster and runs off as the creature tries to eat her. She slides down and pops back up. After she is chased by a monster, she falls and sees a bird-like monster. The monster eats her and lays an egg on the nest. Poppy shakes the egg And gets out of the egg by her foot, arm, and her whole body. She is now covered in orange slime. Chicks come by and stretch her arms. She lets go of her arms and rides on a leaf. She sees the red and white thorns. The next shot, she is seen in the paint rain ith her hair wet, a dry deserted island with her hair dry, and a snowy land with her hair covered in snow. The next shot, she is in underwater and gets absorbed by a fish-like monster. She climbs inside the monster's stomach and is now in the windy storm. The next shot, she is standing on a levitating eyeball-like creatures. She jumps on of one and jumps one eyeball and the eyeballs pops into glitter. Poppy falls on the plant monster. The monster sees Poppy and begins to eat her]''
: '''Poppy''': ''♪What if it's more than I can take''♪ ''[She opens the monster's mouth]'' ''♪No! I can't think that way! 'Cause I know, that I'm really, really, really gonna be okay!♪'' ''[She goes up to something that looks like a hill. But it wasn't a hill, it was only a hill-like monster. The monster opens his eyes and mouth, placing the princess on his tongue, then drops it and closes his mouth]'' ''♪Hey! I'm not giving up today. There's nothing getting in my way!♪'' ''[She expand her hair apart on the walls and she flies up and lands on a bush, before she it landed in digestive acids]'' ''♪And if you knock knock me over...I will get back up again! Oh!♪'' ''[She picks a blue berry]''
: '''Poppy''': ''♪If something goes a little wrong...♪'' ''[She eats the berry and gets blue spots all over her body]'' ''♪Well, you can go ahead and bring it on. 'Cause if you knock knock me over...♪'' ''[Her cheeks starts to swell up including her arms. She swells her whole body into a ball]'' ''♪I will get back up again♪'' ''[She rolls off. The next shot, Poppy is rolling on hills]''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ♪Get up!♪
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Oh...''(She falls into spider webs and gets cocooned) ''I'm okay!♪''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Get up!♪''
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Woah oh oh oh oh oh!♪''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Get up!♪''
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Oh, oh...♪'' ''[She falls on the ground]'' ''♪And if you knock knock me over...you knock knock me over...♪'' ''[She gets exhausted]'' ''♪I...will...get back up again....!♪'' ''[She loses consciousness. Zoom back to her as she closes her eyes and sticks her tongue out of her mouth]'' Bleh''.''
<hr width=50%>
:''[After hearing Creek's story]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[shocked]'' No! Creek, please do not do this.
:'''Creek''': Believe me... I wish there was some other "me not getting eaten" way.
:'''Chef Bergen''': But there is not.
:'''Creek''': ''[falsely]'' And now I have to live with this for the rest of my life. At least you get to die with a clear conscience. So, in a way... ''[Poppy gets more shocked]'' you could say... I am doing this for you. ''[he steals Poppy's cowbell away and touches her noise]'' Boop!
<hr width=50%>
:''[When the trolls were trapped in the pot by the Chef and her peoples]''
:'''King Peppy''': ''[gasps]'' Poppy? ''[Poppy is turned away in depression, as King Peppy comes to hug her]'' Poppy, oh, thank goodness you are alright.
:'''Poppy''': ''[after hugged]'' I am doing great. ''[sarcastically]'' I've got everyone I love thrown in a pot, thanks for asking.
:''[Branch then watches and is a bit surprised]''
:'''Biggie''': Poppy, are you being sarcastic?
:'''Poppy''': ''[furiously]'' '''YES!'''
:''[Everyone gasps]''
:'''Smidge''': ''[shocked]'' Oh my gah.
:'''Poppy''': ''[remorseful, to the trolls]'' I'm sorry. I didn't know why I did think I could save you. ''[to her father King Peppy]'' All I wanted was to do is keep everyone safe like you did, Dad. ''[trying not to cry but felt saddened]'' But I couldn't...
:'''King Peppy''': ''[feeling sorry]'' Poppy...
:'''Poppy''': ''[as she sadly turns away and walks slowly to the middle of the pot]'' I let everybody down. ''[she then falls on her knees]''
:'''Branch''': ''[sighs; also feeling sorry]'' But, Poppy...
:'''Poppy''': ''[hopelessly]'' You were right, Branch. The world isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows. ''[moments later, her color begins to fade as the other Trolls watch, feeling saddened]''
:'''Biggie''': ''[sadly]'' Poppy…
:''[As Poppy's color has faded away, Guy Diamond, Cooper, Smidge, DJ Suki, Satin, Chenille, Biggie, Mr. Dinkles, Fuzzbert, King Peppy, and the rest of the other trolls also lose their colors as they lose hope. Branch watches this]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Thank you.
:'''Branch''': ''[warmly]'' No. Thank you.
:'''Poppy''': For what?
:'''Branch''': For showing me how to be, happy.
:'''Poppy''': Really? You're finally happy?... Now?
:'''Branch''': I think so. Happiness is inside of all of us, right? Sometimes you just need someone to help you find it.
:'''One of Troll children''': What's gonna happen now, Princess Poppy?
:'''Poppy''': I don't know. But I know we're not giving up.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Happiness is not something you put inside, it's ''already there!'' Sometimes you just... need someone to help you find it.
:'''A Bergen''': Can I really be happy?
:'''Poppy''': Of course!
:''[Multiple Bergens start getting Poppy's message]''
:'''A Bergen''': Do you think ''I'' can be happy!
:'''Poppy''': Yes! It's inside you, it's inside of ''all'' of us! And I do not think it... I ''feel'' it
''[She starts singing I Can't Stop the Feeling]'' ''♪I got this feeling inside my bones It goes electric wavy when I turn it on♪''
'''Branch''': ''♪And if you want it inside your soul♪''
'''Branch and Poppy''''':'' ''♪Just open up your heart let music take control. I got that sunshine in my pocket I got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops♪''
'''The Snack Pack''': Ooh
'''Branch and Poppy''' ''[They look at each other in love]'': ''♪I can't take my eyes up off it. Moving so phenomenally The room on lock the way you rock it So don't stop♪''
All: ''♪And under the lights when everything goes. Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close♪''
'''Cooper''': ''♪Can't stop, won't stop♪''
: ''[The Bergen begin to move to the beat of the music, much to the Chef's dismay. Satin and Shenille create a heart sign with their hair, and other Trolls join in to create more, and more]''
All: ''♪When we move well you already know♪''
'''Cooper''': ''♪Let's move, let's move♪''
All: ''♪So, just imagine Just imagine Just imagine♪''
:''[Trolls jump off chandeliers, and two glitter Trolls hug each other, creating a glow. The Chef watches this angrily, but when Chad and Todd stop her with their weapons, much to her anger]''
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing♪''
:''[One of the Bergens begins to move to the rhythm of the song, to everyone's surprise. And the mother holding the child, joins in, then the Trolls move to the organ so that they start dancing]''
'''Branch''': ''♪I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance, come on Ooh, it's something magical It's in the air, it's in my blood, rushing on♪''
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Don't need no reason, don't need control. I fly so high, no ceiling, when I'm in my zone 'Cause I got that sunshine in my pocket Got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops♪''
'''The Snack Pack''': Ooh
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance
And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing
I can't stop the feeling
So, just dance, dance, dance
I can't stop the feeling
So just dance, dance, dance, come on I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So keep dancing♪''
: ''[Soon, the entire filler room dances, and the joyful ogre-like humanoids enthusiastically throw their bibs into the air. Enraged, Chef pushes the guards away, and approaches Poppy and Branch, pulling out huge knives with a scream, ready to kill them, much to their horror. Bridget sees this, and at the last moment they throw a spoon at her former boss. When Chef is confused about this, DJ Suki and Smidge spray her eyes with lemon juice]''
'''Chef''': ''[Covering her eyes, and not looking where she was going; last words]''
My eyes!
'''Satin and Chanille''': ''[run under Chef's leg, stretching her hair so that she stumble]'' Let's do it!
:''[When this happens, the Chef ends up in the pot in which she previously locked the trolls, which does not impress any of the Bergens. After a while, Cooper lights a match and throws it straight onto the pot, causing the dish to explode to the Chef's shock. A pot with a bergen lands on the stairs, rolling down them. Snack Pack run to the top of the stairs to watch it. Chef screams in pain and horror, and the camera zooms in on her pouch in which Creek turns out to have spent the rest of the day unwisely after the betrayal. Realizing his fatal mistake, he can now only hold on and join in screaming. The pot breaks down the BergenTown gate]''
'''Branch''':''♪
Oh...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the feeling♪''
All: ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance
I can't stop the feeling
Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on.
I can't stop the feeling
All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance
And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing Everybody sing♪''
''♪Got this feeling in my body
''I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body
I can't stop the feeling
Wanna see you move your body
I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body
Break it down
Got this feeling in my body
I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body, come on♪''
:'''King Peppy''': ''[puts the tiara on head of daughter and raises her hand]'' Our new queen!
:'''Trolls''': Go, Queen Poppy! Way to go, Poppy!
:'''One Children of Trolls''': You did it! Alright, Queen Poppy!
:'''Biggie''': She's my friend! I know her!
:''[Poppy and Branch tenderly hold hands, then Smidge uses her hair to raise the platform they are standing on to an extremely high level]''
''♪So just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So keep dancing, come on♪''
:'''Branch''': ''[fondly]'' I know it's not officially hug time yet, but...
:'''Poppy''': ''[proudly]'' Now that I am queen, I decree that hug time... ..is all the time.
:''[Hug each other warmly. When suddenly, to their surprise, someone hugs them, they turn around and it turns out to be Cloud Guy]''
:'''Cloud Guy''': Up high!
:''[Irritated, they look at each other and high-five him, pushing him off the platform. Cloud Guy laughs and falls, then the two heroes go back to dancing, and the image changes to a 2D scrapbooking image. The screen then pans out beyond the book from starts of movie, which closes on its own]''
<hr width=50%>
:''[last lines, in a mid-credit scene, looking deads Creek and Chef is seen laying on the pot as it comes to a stop with the creak of wheels on something that looks like a hill. But the former advisor of Trolls is still alive (although he has wounds and burns), and initially shows relief]''
:'''Creek''': Phew. ''[Chef raises his head, growling furiously after a failed attempt to take the throne. She then focuses her gaze on Creek, who jerks his head in terror, trying to resist, but to no avail, because Chef smiles maliciously and catches him. Then, lifting it towards her mouth, laughing evilly, then opening her mouth even wider, ready to devour him. Creek gets frightened shakes his head. And just as he's about to be bitten, he closes his eyes and grits his teeth; last words]'' But— Wait, wait, wait—
:''[Before she can do so, however, an earthquake strikes. Then the „hill” opens its eyes, revealing itself to be a giant monster (bigger than the one Poppy fell victim to), and opens its mouth, placing the two antagonists on its tongue to their horror. Then, without hesitation, the monster sending the cauldron into its mouth, whereby after a short hover in the air, two characters falls in inside, what predator watches without reaction. The monster then closes its mouth again and falls asleep. Character's screams echo from its bottomless stomach — pit, but after a while they quickly fall silent. The screen goes black]''
==Cast==
* '''[[Anna Kendrick]]''' — Queen Primrose "Poppy" Help Springwater
** '''Iris Dohrn''' (baby)
* '''[[Justin Timberlake]]''' — Branchifer "Branch" Dory
** '''Liam Henry''' (kid)
* '''[[Zooey Deschanel]]''' — Bridget / Lady Glittersparkles
* '''[[w:Christopher Mintz-Plasse|Christopher Mintz-Plasse]]''' — Prince Gristle
* '''[[w:Christine Baranski|Christine Baranski]]''' — Chef Bergen
* '''[[Russell Brand]]''' — Creek
* '''[[w:James Corden|James Corden]]''' — Biggie
* '''[[w:Jeffrey Tambor|Jeffrey Tambor]]''' — King Peppy Help Springwater
* '''[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]]''' — Cooper
* '''[[w:Icona Pop|Aino Jawo]]''' — Satin
* '''[[w:Icona Pop|Caroline Hjelt]]''' — Chenille
* '''[[w:Kunal Nayyar|Kunal Nayyar]]''' — Guy Diamond
* '''[[w:Quvenzhané Wallis|Quvenzhané Wallis]]''' — Harper
* '''[[John Cleese]]''' — King Gristle Sr.
* '''[[w:Gwen Stefani|Gwen Stefani]]''' — DJ Suki
* '''[[w:Mike Mitchell (director)|Mike Mitchell]]''' — Darius, Vinny the Phone, Captain Starfunkle, Spider, Wedgie Bergen #1, Chad & Card
* '''[[w:Walt Dohrn|Walt Dohrn]]''' — Smidge, Fuzzbert, Cloud Guy, Mr. Dinkles, Tunnel Troll, Wedgie Bergen #2
* '''GloZell''' (US) / '''Dami Im''' (Australia) / '''Susanna Reid''' (UK) — Rosiepuff Dory
* '''Meg DeAngelis''' (US) / '''Connie Glynn''' (UK) — Moxie Dewdrop
* '''Ricky Dillon''' (US) / '''Greg James''' (UK) — Aspen Heitz
* '''Kandee Johnson''' (US) / '''Abbey Clancy''' (UK) — Mandy Sparkledust
* '''Grace Helbig''' (US) / '''Carrie Hope Fletcher''' (UK) — Cookie Sugarloaf
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category|Trolls (film)}}
{{Trolls}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American animated romance films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about trolls]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mike Mitchell]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:DreamWorks Animation]]
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[[File:Trolls - Alternative Logo.svg|thumb|It’s inside you! It’s inside of all of us! And I don’t think it. I feel it!]]
'''''[[w:Trolls (film)|Trolls]]''''' is a 2016 American animated [[w:Jukebox musical|jukebox musical]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] based on the dolls of the same name created by [[w:Thomas Dam|Thomas Dam]]. The film revolves around two trolls on a quest to save their village from destruction by the Bergens, humanoids who devour trolls.
Produced as the 33rd animated feature by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]] and distributed by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]], the film debuted on October 8, 2016 at the BFI London Film Festival, and was released in the United States on November 4, 2016.
:''Directed by [[w:Mike Mitchell (director)|Mike Mitchell]] and [[w:Walt Dohrn|Walt Dohrn]]. Written by [[w:Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger|Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger]] and Erica Rivinoja.''
==Dialogue==
:'''Branch''': ''[sarcastically]'' Why don't you try scrapbooking them to freedom?
:'''Poppy''': ''[sarcastically too]'' Solid burn, Branch.
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy puts a picture of Creek and she expands the pictures of her friends, then expands the tall picture of Cooper]''
:'''Poppy''': So special. Good night, Cooper. Good night, Smidge. Good night, Fuzzbert. Good night, Satin. Good night, Chenille. Good night, Biggie. Good night, DJ. Good night, Guy Diamond... ''[chuckles]'' Good night, Creek. ''[Taps the picture]'' Boop.
:'''Branch''': ''[with envy]'' And good night, Poppy.
<hr width=60%>
:''[While the Bergens are looking for the trolls]''
:'''Prince Gristle''': Daddy, where are they?
:'''King Gristle Sr.''': ''[to Chef with angry] Don't just stand there! Make my son HAPPY!
:'''Chef Bergen''': He will be <big>'''HAPPY!'''</big>
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': Satin, Chenille, sharp right!
:'''Chenille''': Let is do it!
:'''Satin''': Whoop!
:'''Poppy''': Guy Diamond, glitter him!
:'''Guy Diamond''': ''[autotune] Eat glitter! HAHA!''
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy looks at the sky and her flower bracelet dings, meaning it's Hug Time. She looks at the bracelet, sits up, and looks at Branch, wanting to hug him]''
:'''Branch''': Don't even think about it.
:''[Poppy's flower bracelet shuts down, then mumbles and looks at the starry sky.]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing] Stars shining bright above you.''
:'''Branch''': ''[sits up]'' Really? Seriously? More singing?
:'''Poppy''': Yes, seriously! Singing helps me relax. Maybe you oughta try it.
:'''Branch''': I don't sing, and I don't relax. This is the way I am, and I like it. I also like a little silence!
:''[mandolin playing]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' Hello darkness my old friend, I have come to talk with you again...''
:'''Spider''': Hello.
:'''Poppy''': ''[continues singing]'' Because a vision softly creeping... Left its seeds while I was sleeping... And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains. Within the sound... of silence.
:'''Branch''': May I? ''[she gives him the mandolin, and he tosses it into the fireplace, then gets back into his sleeping bag]''
<hr width=60%>
:''[That night at Bergen Town]''
:'''King Gristle Sr.''': ''[off-screen]'' That's right! Take her away! ''[The Bergens take her away]'' Get her out of my sight! ''[on-screen]'' She is hereby banished from Bergen Town forever!
:'''Chef Bergen''': We can all be happy again. I'll find the Trolls! ''[The Bergens kick her out]'' And shove them down your ungrateful throats.
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy and Branch are still walking to make it at Bergen Town]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Branch''': Do you have to sing?
:'''Poppy''': I always sing when I'm in a good mood.
:'''Branch''': Do you have to be in a good mood?
:'''Poppy''': Why wouldn't I be? By this time tomorrow, I'll be with all my friends. Ohh! I wonder what they're all doing right now.
:'''Branch''': Probably being digested.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': I don't do high fives.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Slap it, boss.
:'''Branch''': Not gonna happen.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Party on the top floor.
:'''Branch''': Nope.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Little slappy? Make Daddy happy?
:'''Branch''': That's weird.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Come on, just one little high five!
:'''Branch''': Oh, no thanks, I'm good.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Look, just do this but with YOUR hand. ''[slaps his hand]''
:'''Branch''': Thank you for the demonstration. Really cleared up exactly what I will NOT be doing.
:'''Poppy''': Branch! It's a high 5! The others lead to certain DEATH! Get perspective!
:''[pause]''
:'''Branch''': ''[growls under his breath]'' One high five and then you'll tell us which tunnel to take, right?
:'''Cloud Guy''': So easy...
:'''Branch''': ''[growls]'' Okay, fine! ''[tries to slap Cloud Guy's hand]
:'''Cloud Guy''': ''[pulls his hand away]'' Whoop! Too slow!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': They're alive, Branch, I know it!
:'''Branch''': You don't know anything, Poppy. And I cannot wait to see the look on your face when you realize the world isn't all cupcakes and rainbows. Cause it isn't. Bad things happen, and there is nothing you can do about it.
:'''Poppy''': Hey, I know it is not all cupcakes and rainbows, but I did rather go through life thinking that it mostly is instead of being like YOU. You don't sing; you don't dance...so gray all the time! What happened to you--
:'''Branch''': ''[puts a finger to her mouth]'' Shh!
:'''Poppy''': ''[whispering]'' A Bergen?
:'''Branch''': ''[whispering]'' Maybe. ''[walks ahead a little]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[stays where she is, looking around carefully, then realizes--]'' There is no Bergen, is there? You just said that, so I'd stop talking!
:'''Branch''': ''[still whispering]'' Maybe.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Cloud Guy''': I'm going to let you slide with a fist bump.
:''[as Branch goes to fist bump Cloud Guy starts doing all kinds of weird movements with his hand]''
:'''Cloud Guy''': [[w:Shark|Shark attack]]! Nom-nom-nom-nom. [[w:Jellyfish|Jellyfish]], hand [[w:Sandwich|sandwich]], [[w:Turkey (bird)|turkey]], [[w:Snowman|snowman]], [[w:Dolphin|dolphin]], [[w:Helicopter|helicopter]], [[w:Last Supper|last supper]], [[w:Monkey|monkey]] in a zoo.
:'''Branch''': What?
:'''Cloud Guy''': ''[covers Branch is fist with his hand]'' Gearshift. ''[starts to pretend to be a car and change gears with Branch’s fist; then starts laughing. Poppy laughs as well, but Branch glares at her and she stops laughing]'' Okay, okay, okay. Now I'm thinking we hug. ''[in anger, Branch breaks a stick in half, Cloud Guy is body suddenly has thunder and lightning and starts to rain]''
<hr width=60%>
:'''Guy Diamond''': Oh, boy.
:'''Cooper''': Here we go again.
:'''Biggie''': Oh, Branch.
:'''Satin''': You always ruin everything.
:'''Chenille''': Warning us about the Bergens.
:'''Branch''': No, I don't. ''[Flashback; during a birthday party when Branch had run in screaming]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the birthday cake over and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[During a wedding ceremony when he had run in screaming]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the wedding cake over and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[During a funeral when Branch had run in as well]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the coffin over (instead of the funeral cake) and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[Back at the present moment]''
:'''Poppy''': Come on, we haven't seen a Bergen in twenty years. They're not going to find us!
:'''Branch''': No, they're not going to find me, because I will be in my highly camouflaged... heavily fortified, Bergen-proof survival bunker.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': ''[gets surprised after finding Creek alive in Prince Gristle's amulet]'' Creek?
:'''Poppy''': I knew he was alive.
:'''Biggie''': ''[to Mr. Dinkles]'' Mr. Dinkles, he is alive!
:'''Mr. Dinkles''': ''[first words]'' Oh, snap.
:''[The trolls gasp in shock]''
:'''Biggie''': You just talked? ''[Mr. Dinkles beeps]''
<hr width=60%>
:'''Prince Gristle''': I love it! ''[Applause from Bibbly, Chad, and Todd]''
:'''Bridget''': I think you look fat.
:'''Prince Gristle''': What?! ''[They stare at Bridget]''
:'''Poppy''': "P-H phat". Then strike that pose!
:'''Prince Gristle''': Hot lunch! Total Honesty from a total babe. ''[Holds Bridget's hand]'' And who might you be?
:'''Poppy''': Your name is, uh...um, uh...
:'''Biggie''': Lady!
:'''Guy Diamond''': Glitter?
:'''Smidge''': Sparkles!
:'''Branch''': Seriously?
:'''Bridget''': My name is Lady Glittersparkles. Seriously.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Well, my Lady Glittersparkles, would you care to join for an evening at Captain Starfunkle's Roller Rink and Arcade?
:'''Bridget''': Would I! ''[to Poppy]'' Would I?
:'''Poppy''': Yes! You did be delighted.
:'''Bridget''': Yes! You did be delighted.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Oh! Indeed, I would!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Satin, Chenille''': It is going to be the biggest...
:'''DJ Suki''': The loudest!
:'''Cooper''': The craziest party ever!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': Branch! Branch! Branch! Branch, are you in there? Huh?
:'''Branch''': I'm not going to your party.
:'''Poppy''': The party's over. We just got attacked by a Bergen!
:'''Branch''': I knew it!
:'''Poppy''': It took Cooper, and Smidge, and Fuzzbert, and Satin and Chenille and Biggie, and Guy Diamond... and Creek!
:'''Branch''': ''[rolls his eyes and shrugs]'' Eh.
:'''Poppy''': Which is why I have to ask you... will you go to Bergen Town with me and save everyone?
:'''Branch''': What? No
:'''Poppy''': Branch, you can't say no! They're your friends!
:'''Branch''': Ah-ah-ah, they're YOUR friends.. '''Poppy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, that's great. You're the one guy who knows more about Bergen's than anyone... but, when we finally need you, you just want to hide here forever?
:'''Branch''': Forever? ''[scoffs]'' No. ''[Branch pulls a lever that leads them down to an even bigger bunker]'' Yeah, I really only have enough supplies down here to last me ten years, eleven if I'm willing to store and drink my own sweat, which I am. You all said I was crazy, huh? Well, who's crazy now? Me, crazy prepared!
<hr width=60%>
:'''King Peppy''': No troll left behind!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Smidge''': ''[repeated line]'' Oh my gah!
<hr width=60%>
: ''[Fade to black. The four eyes open and it looks at the cocooned Poppy. It is revealed to be a four-eyed spider—monster. The other monsters climb down to Poppy and begin to eat her. Then, Branch's hair expands to grab Poppy away from the monsters. He glares at the monsters as the monster look at him. Branch takes a pan out of his camping bag. He throws the pan at the monsters, but it didn't work. He gasps nervously as the spider ran toward him. He takes off his camping bag and expands his hair to fight the spiders. After he fights the spiders with his hair, the monsters to enter a cave, after which turns out to be the mouth of a camouflaged creature. The cave-like monster devouring spiders and menacingly looks down at Branch. Branch gasps and monster falls back asleep. Branch sighs and looks at the cocooned Poppy]''
:'''Branch''': Oh, no. Poppy! Hang on! ''[Branch gets a stick from a tree and gets two bugs and rips the web out of Poppy. He rubs the bugs together and Poppy is heart starts to pulsate]''
:'''Poppy''': ♪''Get back up again!♪'' Branch, my man, you were ''right'' on time.
:'''Branch''': Oh, right, like you knew I was coming.
:'''Poppy''': Yes. I figured after the third Hug Time, getting eaten by a Bergen would not seem so bad.
:'''Branch''': And I figured there was no way you could do this by yourself. Guess we were both right.
:'''Poppy''': Hmm. All right! Let's do this! Sooner we get to Bergen Town, sooner we can rescue everybody...
<hr width=60%>
:'''Bridget''': Wait! Why isn't this one singing?
:'''Cooper''': Come on, Branch. Sing with us!
:'''Trolls''': Yeah, Branch, sing with us!
:'''Branch''': No. That's okay.
:'''Bridget''': You don't think this will work?
:'''Branch''': No, no. It's not that. I just don't sing.
:'''Poppy''': Branch!
:'''Bridget''': No. He's right. This idea is stupid. King Gristle will never love me. ''[starts crying]''
:'''Cooper''': Come on. Hey, hey. What's all this?
:'''Biggie''': ''[tries to comfort Bridget]'' That's right, Bridget. Just let it all out. ''[Bridget cries loudly]'' Bridget, let it go. Just have a good cry. Go, girl! Okay, now bring it back in. Reel it in.
:''[Branch climbs to the window]''
:'''Poppy''': Branch, what are you doing? You have to sing!
:'''Branch''': I told you, I don't sing.
:'''Poppy''': You have to!
:'''Branch''': I'm sorry. I can't.
:'''Poppy''': No, you can. You just won't.
:'''Branch''': Fine. I just won't.
:'''Poppy''': You have to!
:'''Branch''': No!
:'''Poppy''': Yes!
:'''Branch''': No!
:'''Poppy''': Why NOT!? Why won't you sing?!
:'''Branch''': ''[irritated]'' Because singing killed my grandma! Okay?!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': When are you gonna ask him about Creek?
:'''Poppy''': We have to warm him up first. Don't you know anything about romance?
:'''Branch''': '' [sarcastically]'' Of course! I am passionate about it.
:'''Poppy''': Really?
:'''Branch''': Don't you know anything about sarcasm?
:'''Cooper''': I think I had a sarcasm once.
:'''Prince Gristle''': And I'll take one of everything, Bibbly. Things are gonna get messy.
:'''Captain Starfunkle''': Enjoy your pizza. Here's your tokens.
:'''Bridget''': Ooh, so fancy. Good thing I brought my appetite.
:'''Prince Gristle''': You are fantastic!
:'''Poppy''': Bridget, compliment back!
:'''Bridget''': I like your back.
:'''Poppy''': No, I meant...say something nice about him.
:'''Bridget''': But I do like his back.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Huh?
:'''Bridget''': Um...
:'''Branch''': Poppy, Help her!
:'''Bridget''': Your eyes... They're... Ugh... Ooh! Your ears... Your eyes... ears...
:'''Biggie''': Nose!
:'''Satin, Chenille''': Skin!
:'''Cooper''': Neck!
:'''Bridget''': Skin, neck, ears, nose, face, back of your head.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Are you okay?
:'''Guy Diamond''': ''[autotune]'' Your teeth.
:'''Bridget''': Teeth.
:'''Prince Gristle''': What is going on? Are you making fun of me?
:'''Bridget''': Your eyes!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Okay, everybody. Let's go save Creek.
:'''Bridget''': No! No! You can't leave. Lady Glittersparkles is gonna be the king's plus one at dinner.
:'''Branch''': The dinner where they're serving Troll? Yeah, I think we're gonna have to skip that one.
:'''Bridget''': No! No, you have to help me be Lady Glittersparkles. I need you.
:'''Poppy''': You don't wanna pretend to be someone you're not forever!
:'''Bridget''': Then how about just for tomorrow?
:'''Poppy''': Bridget, you don't need us anymore. You and the king can make each other happy!
:'''Bridget''': That's impossible! Only eating a Troll can make you happy. Everyone knows that! I wish I'd never gone on this STUPID DATE! ''[sobbing]''
:'''Poppy''': Bridget.
:'''Bridget''': Just go... GET OUT OFF MY ROOM! Leave me alone!
:'''Poppy''': Please, listen.
:''[The trolls leave Bridget's room as Bridget breaks down]''
:'''Chef Bergen''': ''[to Bridget; on microphone with angry]'' '''IDGET!'''
:'''Branch''': ''[to Poppy]'' We've gotta go.
:'''Chef Bergen''': ''[on microphone with angry]'' What's going on down there? Idget, scrub that dish! The king's bringing a plus one.
:'''Bridget''': ''[sobbing]'' Yes, Chef...!
<hr width=50%>
:''[While rescuing her friends]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Looking up at a sunny sky, so shiny and blue and there's a butterfly! Well, isn't that a super fantastic sign?♪'' ''[As she stops, a frog-like monster eats the butterfly, a blob-like monster eats him, a group of tiny orange moth-like monsters fly by him, leaving only the bones behind, and a purple plant-like monster breathes fire on the bones of the monster, turning it into a pile of ash which he sucks up into his mouth. He turns to menacingly look at Poppy and growls. She stares back at him.]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing nervously as she edges sideways]'' ''♪It is going to be a fantastic day♪'' ''[runs off]''
:''[She runs off. The next shot, we see Poppy on the puffed geysers. She goes to a geyser which makes Poppy fly. The next shot, Poppy is swinging on vines which's turn out to be tangled snake-like monster, which bows his head at the sight of the princess. She sees a monster and runs off as the creature tries to eat her. She slides down and pops back up. After she is chased by a monster, she falls and sees a bird-like monster. The monster eats her and lays an egg on the nest. Poppy shakes the egg And gets out of the egg by her foot, arm, and her whole body. She is now covered in orange slime. Chicks come by and stretch her arms. She lets go of her arms and rides on a leaf. She sees the red and white thorns. The next shot, she is seen in the paint rain ith her hair wet, a dry deserted island with her hair dry, and a snowy land with her hair covered in snow. The next shot, she is in underwater and gets absorbed by a fish-like monster. She climbs inside the monster's stomach and is now in the windy storm. The next shot, she is standing on a levitating eyeball-like creatures. She jumps on of one and jumps one eyeball and the eyeballs pops into glitter. Poppy falls on the plant monster. The monster sees Poppy and begins to eat her]''
: '''Poppy''': ''♪What if it's more than I can take''♪ ''[She opens the monster's mouth]'' ''♪No! I can't think that way! 'Cause I know, that I'm really, really, really gonna be okay!♪'' ''[She goes up to something that looks like a hill. But it wasn't a hill, it was only a hill-like monster. The monster opens his eyes and mouth, placing the princess on his tongue, then drops it and closes his mouth]'' ''♪Hey! I'm not giving up today. There's nothing getting in my way!♪'' ''[She expand her hair apart on the walls and she flies up and lands on a bush, before she it landed in digestive acids]'' ''♪And if you knock knock me over...I will get back up again! Oh!♪'' ''[She picks a blue berry]''
: '''Poppy''': ''♪If something goes a little wrong...♪'' ''[She eats the berry and gets blue spots all over her body]'' ''♪Well, you can go ahead and bring it on. 'Cause if you knock knock me over...♪'' ''[Her cheeks starts to swell up including her arms. She swells her whole body into a ball]'' ''♪I will get back up again♪'' ''[She rolls off. The next shot, Poppy is rolling on hills]''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ♪Get up!♪
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Oh...''(She falls into spider webs and gets cocooned) ''I'm okay!♪''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Get up!♪''
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Woah oh oh oh oh oh!♪''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Get up!♪''
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Oh, oh...♪'' ''[She falls on the ground]'' ''♪And if you knock knock me over...you knock knock me over...♪'' ''[She gets exhausted]'' ''♪I...will...get back up again....!♪'' ''[She loses consciousness. Zoom back to her as she closes her eyes and sticks her tongue out of her mouth]'' Bleh''.''
<hr width=50%>
:''[After hearing Creek's story]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[shocked]'' No! Creek, please do not do this.
:'''Creek''': Believe me... I wish there was some other "me not getting eaten" way.
:'''Chef Bergen''': But there is not.
:'''Creek''': ''[falsely]'' And now I have to live with this for the rest of my life. At least you get to die with a clear conscience. So, in a way... ''[Poppy gets more shocked]'' you could say... I am doing this for you. ''[he steals Poppy's cowbell away and touches her noise]'' Boop!
<hr width=50%>
:''[When the trolls were trapped in the pot by the Chef and her peoples]''
:'''King Peppy''': ''[gasps]'' Poppy? ''[Poppy is turned away in depression, as King Peppy comes to hug her]'' Poppy, oh, thank goodness you are alright.
:'''Poppy''': ''[after hugged]'' I am doing great. ''[sarcastically]'' I've got everyone I love thrown in a pot, thanks for asking.
:''[Branch then watches and is a bit surprised]''
:'''Biggie''': Poppy, are you being sarcastic?
:'''Poppy''': ''[furiously]'' '''YES!'''
:''[Everyone gasps]''
:'''Smidge''': ''[shocked]'' Oh my gah.
:'''Poppy''': ''[remorseful, to the trolls]'' I'm sorry. I didn't know why I did think I could save you. ''[to her father King Peppy]'' All I wanted was to do is keep everyone safe like you did, Dad. ''[trying not to cry but felt saddened]'' But I couldn't...
:'''King Peppy''': ''[feeling sorry]'' Poppy...
:'''Poppy''': ''[as she sadly turns away and walks slowly to the middle of the pot]'' I let everybody down. ''[she then falls on her knees]''
:'''Branch''': ''[sighs; also feeling sorry]'' But, Poppy...
:'''Poppy''': ''[hopelessly]'' You were right, Branch. The world isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows. ''[moments later, her color begins to fade as the other Trolls watch, feeling saddened]''
:'''Biggie''': ''[sadly]'' Poppy…
:''[As Poppy's color has faded away, Guy Diamond, Cooper, Smidge, DJ Suki, Satin, Chenille, Biggie, Mr. Dinkles, Fuzzbert, King Peppy, and the rest of the other trolls also lose their colors as they lose hope. Branch watches this]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Thank you.
:'''Branch''': ''[warmly]'' No. Thank you.
:'''Poppy''': For what?
:'''Branch''': For showing me how to be, happy.
:'''Poppy''': Really? You're finally happy?... Now?
:'''Branch''': I think so. Happiness is inside of all of us, right? Sometimes you just need someone to help you find it.
:'''One of Troll children''': What's gonna happen now, Princess Poppy?
:'''Poppy''': I don't know. But I know we're not giving up.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Happiness is not something you put inside, it's ''already there!'' Sometimes you just... need someone to help you find it.
:'''A Bergen''': Can I really be happy?
:'''Poppy''': Of course!
:''[Multiple Bergens start getting Poppy's message]''
:'''A Bergen''': Do you think ''I'' can be happy!
:'''Poppy''': Yes! It's inside you, it's inside of ''all'' of us! And I do not think it... I ''feel'' it
''[She starts singing I Can't Stop the Feeling]'' ''♪I got this feeling inside my bones It goes electric wavy when I turn it on♪''
'''Branch''': ''♪And if you want it inside your soul♪''
'''Branch and Poppy''''':'' ''♪Just open up your heart let music take control. I got that sunshine in my pocket I got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops♪''
'''The Snack Pack''': Ooh
'''Branch and Poppy''' ''[They look at each other in love]'': ''♪I can't take my eyes up off it. Moving so phenomenally The room on lock the way you rock it So don't stop♪''
All: ''♪And under the lights when everything goes. Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close♪''
'''Cooper''': ''♪Can't stop, won't stop♪''
: ''[The Bergen begin to move to the beat of the music, much to the Chef's dismay. Satin and Shenille create a heart sign with their hair, and other Trolls join in to create more, and more]''
All: ''♪When we move well you already know♪''
'''Cooper''': ''♪Let's move, let's move♪''
All: ''♪So, just imagine Just imagine Just imagine♪''
:''[Trolls jump off chandeliers, and two glitter Trolls hug each other, creating a glow. The Chef watches this angrily, but when Chad and Todd stop her with their weapons, much to her anger]''
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing♪''
:''[One of the Bergens begins to move to the rhythm of the song, to everyone's surprise. And the mother holding the child, joins in, then the Trolls move to the organ so that they start dancing]''
'''Branch''': ''♪I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance, come on Ooh, it's something magical It's in the air, it's in my blood, rushing on♪''
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Don't need no reason, don't need control. I fly so high, no ceiling, when I'm in my zone 'Cause I got that sunshine in my pocket Got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops♪''
'''The Snack Pack''': Ooh
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance
And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing
I can't stop the feeling
So, just dance, dance, dance
I can't stop the feeling
So just dance, dance, dance, come on I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So keep dancing♪''
: ''[Soon, the entire filler room dances, and the joyful ogre-like humanoids enthusiastically throw their bibs into the air. Enraged, Chef pushes the guards away, and approaches Poppy and Branch, pulling out huge knives with a scream, ready to kill them, much to their horror. Bridget sees this, and at the last moment they throw a spoon at her former boss. When Chef is confused about this, DJ Suki and Smidge spray her eyes with lemon juice]''
'''Chef''': ''[Covering her eyes, and not looking where she was going; last words]''
My eyes!
'''Satin and Chanille''': ''[run under Chef's leg, stretching her hair so that she stumble]'' Let's do it!
:''[When this happens, the Chef ends up in the pot in which she previously locked the trolls, which does not impress any of the Bergens. After a while, Cooper lights a match and throws it straight onto the pot, causing the dish to explode to the Chef's shock. A pot with a bergen lands on the stairs, rolling down them. Snack Pack run to the top of the stairs to watch it. Chef screams in pain and horror, and the camera zooms in on her pouch in which Creek turns out to have spent the rest of the day unwisely after the betrayal. Realizing his fatal mistake, he can now only hold on and join in screaming. The pot breaks down the BergenTown gate]''
'''Branch''':''♪
Oh...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the feeling♪''
All: ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance
I can't stop the feeling
Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on.
I can't stop the feeling
All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance
And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing Everybody sing♪''
''♪Got this feeling in my body
''I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body
I can't stop the feeling
Wanna see you move your body
I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body
Break it down
Got this feeling in my body
I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body, come on♪''
:'''King Peppy''': ''[puts the tiara on head of daughter and raises her hand]'' Our new queen!
:'''Trolls''': Go, Queen Poppy! Way to go, Poppy!
:'''One Children of Trolls''': You did it! Alright, Queen Poppy!
:'''Biggie''': She's my friend! I know her!
:''[Poppy and Branch tenderly hold hands, then Smidge uses her hair to raise the platform they are standing on to an extremely high level]''
''♪So just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So keep dancing, come on♪''
:'''Branch''': ''[fondly]'' I know it's not officially hug time yet, but...
:'''Poppy''': ''[proudly]'' Now that I am queen, I decree that hug time... ..is all the time.
:''[Hug each other warmly. When suddenly, to their surprise, someone hugs them, they turn around and it turns out to be Cloud Guy]''
:'''Cloud Guy''': Up high!
:''[Irritated, they look at each other and high-five him, pushing him off the platform. Cloud Guy laughs and falls, then the two heroes go back to dancing, and the image changes to a 2D scrapbooking image. The screen then pans out beyond the book from starts of movie, which closes on its own]''
<hr width=50%>
:''[last lines, in a mid-credit scene, looking deads Creek and Chef is seen laying on the pot as it comes to a stop with the creak of wheels on something that looks like a hill. But the former prime minister of Trolls is still alive (although he has wounds and burns), and initially shows relief]''
:'''Creek''': Phew. ''[Chef raises his head, growling furiously after a failed attempt to take the throne. She then focuses her gaze on Creek, who jerks his head in terror, trying to resist, but to no avail, because Chef smiles maliciously and catches him. Then, lifting it towards her mouth, laughing evilly, then opening her mouth even wider, ready to devour him. Creek gets frightened shakes his head. And just as he's about to be bitten, he closes his eyes and grits his teeth; last words]'' But— Wait, wait, wait—
:''[Before she can do so, however, an earthquake strikes. Then the „hill” opens its eyes, revealing itself to be a giant monster (bigger than the one Poppy fell victim to), and opens its mouth, placing the two antagonists on its tongue to their horror. Then, without hesitation, the monster sending the cauldron into its mouth, whereby after a short hover in the air, two characters falls in inside, what predator watches without reaction. The monster then closes its mouth again and falls asleep. Character's screams echo from its bottomless stomach — pit, but after a while they quickly fall silent. The screen goes black]''
==Cast==
* '''[[Anna Kendrick]]''' — Queen Primrose "Poppy" Help Springwater
** '''Iris Dohrn''' (baby)
* '''[[Justin Timberlake]]''' — Branchifer "Branch" Dory
** '''Liam Henry''' (kid)
* '''[[Zooey Deschanel]]''' — Bridget / Lady Glittersparkles
* '''[[w:Christopher Mintz-Plasse|Christopher Mintz-Plasse]]''' — Prince Gristle
* '''[[w:Christine Baranski|Christine Baranski]]''' — Chef Bergen
* '''[[Russell Brand]]''' — Creek
* '''[[w:James Corden|James Corden]]''' — Biggie
* '''[[w:Jeffrey Tambor|Jeffrey Tambor]]''' — King Peppy Help Springwater
* '''[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]]''' — Cooper
* '''[[w:Icona Pop|Aino Jawo]]''' — Satin
* '''[[w:Icona Pop|Caroline Hjelt]]''' — Chenille
* '''[[w:Kunal Nayyar|Kunal Nayyar]]''' — Guy Diamond
* '''[[w:Quvenzhané Wallis|Quvenzhané Wallis]]''' — Harper
* '''[[John Cleese]]''' — King Gristle Sr.
* '''[[w:Gwen Stefani|Gwen Stefani]]''' — DJ Suki
* '''[[w:Mike Mitchell (director)|Mike Mitchell]]''' — Darius, Vinny the Phone, Captain Starfunkle, Spider, Wedgie Bergen #1, Chad & Card
* '''[[w:Walt Dohrn|Walt Dohrn]]''' — Smidge, Fuzzbert, Cloud Guy, Mr. Dinkles, Tunnel Troll, Wedgie Bergen #2
* '''GloZell''' (US) / '''Dami Im''' (Australia) / '''Susanna Reid''' (UK) — Rosiepuff Dory
* '''Meg DeAngelis''' (US) / '''Connie Glynn''' (UK) — Moxie Dewdrop
* '''Ricky Dillon''' (US) / '''Greg James''' (UK) — Aspen Heitz
* '''Kandee Johnson''' (US) / '''Abbey Clancy''' (UK) — Mandy Sparkledust
* '''Grace Helbig''' (US) / '''Carrie Hope Fletcher''' (UK) — Cookie Sugarloaf
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category|Trolls (film)}}
{{Trolls}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American animated romance films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about trolls]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mike Mitchell]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:DreamWorks Animation]]
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[[File:Trolls - Alternative Logo.svg|thumb|It’s inside you! It’s inside of all of us! And I don’t think it. I feel it!]]
'''''[[w:Trolls (film)|Trolls]]''''' is a 2016 American animated [[w:Jukebox musical|jukebox musical]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] based on the dolls of the same name created by [[w:Thomas Dam|Thomas Dam]]. The film revolves around two trolls on a quest to save their village from destruction by the Bergens, humanoids who devour trolls.
Produced as the 33rd animated feature by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]] and distributed by [[w:20th Century Fox|20th Century Fox]], the film debuted on October 8, 2016 at the BFI London Film Festival, and was released in the United States on November 4, 2016.
:''Directed by [[w:Mike Mitchell (director)|Mike Mitchell]] and [[w:Walt Dohrn|Walt Dohrn]]. Written by [[w:Jonathan Aibel and Glenn Berger|Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger]] and Erica Rivinoja.''
==Dialogue==
:'''Branch''': ''[sarcastically]'' Why don't you try scrapbooking them to freedom?
:'''Poppy''': ''[sarcastically too]'' Solid burn, Branch.
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy puts a picture of Creek and she expands the pictures of her friends, then expands the tall picture of Cooper]''
:'''Poppy''': So special. Good night, Cooper. Good night, Smidge. Good night, Fuzzbert. Good night, Satin. Good night, Chenille. Good night, Biggie. Good night, DJ. Good night, Guy Diamond... ''[chuckles]'' Good night, Creek. ''[Taps the picture]'' Boop.
:'''Branch''': ''[with envy]'' And good night, Poppy.
<hr width=60%>
:''[While the Bergens are looking for the trolls]''
:'''Prince Gristle''': Daddy, where are they?
:'''King Gristle Sr.''': ''[to Chef with angry] Don't just stand there! Make my son HAPPY!
:'''Chef Bergen''': He will be <big>'''HAPPY!'''</big>
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': Satin, Chenille, sharp right!
:'''Chenille''': Let is do it!
:'''Satin''': Whoop!
:'''Poppy''': Guy Diamond, glitter him!
:'''Guy Diamond''': ''[autotune] Eat glitter! HAHA!''
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy looks at the sky and her flower bracelet dings, meaning it's Hug Time. She looks at the bracelet, sits up, and looks at Branch, wanting to hug him]''
:'''Branch''': Don't even think about it.
:''[Poppy's flower bracelet shuts down, then mumbles and looks at the starry sky.]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing] Stars shining bright above you.''
:'''Branch''': ''[sits up]'' Really? Seriously? More singing?
:'''Poppy''': Yes, seriously! Singing helps me relax. Maybe you oughta try it.
:'''Branch''': I don't sing, and I don't relax. This is the way I am, and I like it. I also like a little silence!
:''[mandolin playing]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' Hello darkness my old friend, I have come to talk with you again...''
:'''Spider''': Hello.
:'''Poppy''': ''[continues singing]'' Because a vision softly creeping... Left its seeds while I was sleeping... And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains. Within the sound... of silence.
:'''Branch''': May I? ''[she gives him the mandolin, and he tosses it into the fireplace, then gets back into his sleeping bag]''
<hr width=60%>
:''[That night at Bergen Town]''
:'''King Gristle Sr.''': ''[off-screen]'' That's right! Take her away! ''[The Bergens take her away]'' Get her out of my sight! ''[on-screen]'' She is hereby banished from Bergen Town forever!
:'''Chef Bergen''': We can all be happy again. I'll find the Trolls! ''[The Bergens kick her out]'' And shove them down your ungrateful throats.
<hr width=60%>
:''[Poppy and Branch are still walking to make it at Bergen Town]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[scatting]''
:'''Branch''': Do you have to sing?
:'''Poppy''': I always sing when I'm in a good mood.
:'''Branch''': Do you have to be in a good mood?
:'''Poppy''': Why wouldn't I be? By this time tomorrow, I'll be with all my friends. Ohh! I wonder what they're all doing right now.
:'''Branch''': Probably being digested.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': I don't do high fives.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Slap it, boss.
:'''Branch''': Not gonna happen.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Party on the top floor.
:'''Branch''': Nope.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Little slappy? Make Daddy happy?
:'''Branch''': That's weird.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Come on, just one little high five!
:'''Branch''': Oh, no thanks, I'm good.
:'''Cloud Guy''': Look, just do this but with YOUR hand. ''[slaps his hand]''
:'''Branch''': Thank you for the demonstration. Really cleared up exactly what I will NOT be doing.
:'''Poppy''': Branch! It's a high 5! The others lead to certain DEATH! Get perspective!
:''[pause]''
:'''Branch''': ''[growls under his breath]'' One high five and then you'll tell us which tunnel to take, right?
:'''Cloud Guy''': So easy...
:'''Branch''': ''[growls]'' Okay, fine! ''[tries to slap Cloud Guy's hand]
:'''Cloud Guy''': ''[pulls his hand away]'' Whoop! Too slow!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': They're alive, Branch, I know it!
:'''Branch''': You don't know anything, Poppy. And I cannot wait to see the look on your face when you realize the world isn't all cupcakes and rainbows. Cause it isn't. Bad things happen, and there is nothing you can do about it.
:'''Poppy''': Hey, I know it is not all cupcakes and rainbows, but I did rather go through life thinking that it mostly is instead of being like YOU. You don't sing; you don't dance...so gray all the time! What happened to you--
:'''Branch''': ''[puts a finger to her mouth]'' Shh!
:'''Poppy''': ''[whispering]'' A Bergen?
:'''Branch''': ''[whispering]'' Maybe. ''[walks ahead a little]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[stays where she is, looking around carefully, then realizes--]'' There is no Bergen, is there? You just said that, so I'd stop talking!
:'''Branch''': ''[still whispering]'' Maybe.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Cloud Guy''': I'm going to let you slide with a fist bump.
:''[as Branch goes to fist bump Cloud Guy starts doing all kinds of weird movements with his hand]''
:'''Cloud Guy''': [[w:Shark|Shark attack]]! Nom-nom-nom-nom. [[w:Jellyfish|Jellyfish]], hand [[w:Sandwich|sandwich]], [[w:Turkey (bird)|turkey]], [[w:Snowman|snowman]], [[w:Dolphin|dolphin]], [[w:Helicopter|helicopter]], [[w:Last Supper|last supper]], [[w:Monkey|monkey]] in a zoo.
:'''Branch''': What?
:'''Cloud Guy''': ''[covers Branch is fist with his hand]'' Gearshift. ''[starts to pretend to be a car and change gears with Branch’s fist; then starts laughing. Poppy laughs as well, but Branch glares at her and she stops laughing]'' Okay, okay, okay. Now I'm thinking we hug. ''[in anger, Branch breaks a stick in half, Cloud Guy is body suddenly has thunder and lightning and starts to rain]''
<hr width=60%>
:'''Guy Diamond''': Oh, boy.
:'''Cooper''': Here we go again.
:'''Biggie''': Oh, Branch.
:'''Satin''': You always ruin everything.
:'''Chenille''': Warning us about the Bergens.
:'''Branch''': No, I don't. ''[Flashback; during a birthday party when Branch had run in screaming]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the birthday cake over and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[During a wedding ceremony when he had run in screaming]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the wedding cake over and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[During a funeral when Branch had run in as well]'' THE BERGENS ARE COMING!!! ''[pushes the coffin over (instead of the funeral cake) and runs off]'' AAAHH!!! ''[Back at the present moment]''
:'''Poppy''': Come on, we haven't seen a Bergen in twenty years. They're not going to find us!
:'''Branch''': No, they're not going to find me, because I will be in my highly camouflaged... heavily fortified, Bergen-proof survival bunker.
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': ''[gets surprised after finding Creek alive in Prince Gristle's amulet]'' Creek?
:'''Poppy''': I knew he was alive.
:'''Biggie''': ''[to Mr. Dinkles]'' Mr. Dinkles, he is alive!
:'''Mr. Dinkles''': ''[first words]'' Oh, snap.
:''[The trolls gasp in shock]''
:'''Biggie''': You just talked? ''[Mr. Dinkles beeps]''
<hr width=60%>
:'''Prince Gristle''': I love it! ''[Applause from Bibbly, Chad, and Todd]''
:'''Bridget''': I think you look fat.
:'''Prince Gristle''': What?! ''[They stare at Bridget]''
:'''Poppy''': "P-H phat". Then strike that pose!
:'''Prince Gristle''': Hot lunch! Total Honesty from a total babe. ''[Holds Bridget's hand]'' And who might you be?
:'''Poppy''': Your name is, uh...um, uh...
:'''Biggie''': Lady!
:'''Guy Diamond''': Glitter?
:'''Smidge''': Sparkles!
:'''Branch''': Seriously?
:'''Bridget''': My name is Lady Glittersparkles. Seriously.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Well, my Lady Glittersparkles, would you care to join for an evening at Captain Starfunkle's Roller Rink and Arcade?
:'''Bridget''': Would I! ''[to Poppy]'' Would I?
:'''Poppy''': Yes! You did be delighted.
:'''Bridget''': Yes! You did be delighted.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Oh! Indeed, I would!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Satin, Chenille''': It is going to be the biggest...
:'''DJ Suki''': The loudest!
:'''Cooper''': The craziest party ever!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Poppy''': Branch! Branch! Branch! Branch, are you in there? Huh?
:'''Branch''': I'm not going to your party.
:'''Poppy''': The party's over. We just got attacked by a Bergen!
:'''Branch''': I knew it!
:'''Poppy''': It took Cooper, and Smidge, and Fuzzbert, and Satin and Chenille and Biggie, and Guy Diamond... and Creek!
:'''Branch''': ''[rolls his eyes and shrugs]'' Eh.
:'''Poppy''': Which is why I have to ask you... will you go to Bergen Town with me and save everyone?
:'''Branch''': What? No
:'''Poppy''': Branch, you can't say no! They're your friends!
:'''Branch''': Ah-ah-ah, they're YOUR friends.. '''Poppy''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, that's great. You're the one guy who knows more about Bergen's than anyone... but, when we finally need you, you just want to hide here forever?
:'''Branch''': Forever? ''[scoffs]'' No. ''[Branch pulls a lever that leads them down to an even bigger bunker]'' Yeah, I really only have enough supplies down here to last me ten years, eleven if I'm willing to store and drink my own sweat, which I am. You all said I was crazy, huh? Well, who's crazy now? Me, crazy prepared!
<hr width=60%>
:'''King Peppy''': No troll left behind!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Smidge''': ''[repeated line]'' Oh my gah!
<hr width=60%>
: ''[Fade to black. The four eyes open and it looks at the cocooned Poppy. It is revealed to be a four-eyed spider—monster. The other monsters climb down to Poppy and begin to eat her. Then, Branch's hair expands to grab Poppy away from the monsters. He glares at the monsters as the monster look at him. Branch takes a pan out of his camping bag. He throws the pan at the monsters, but it didn't work. He gasps nervously as the spider ran toward him. He takes off his camping bag and expands his hair to fight the spiders. After he fights the spiders with his hair, the monsters to enter a cave, after which turns out to be the mouth of a camouflaged creature. The cave-like monster devouring spiders and menacingly looks down at Branch. Branch gasps and monster falls back asleep. Branch sighs and looks at the cocooned Poppy]''
:'''Branch''': Oh, no. Poppy! Hang on! ''[Branch gets a stick from a tree and gets two bugs and rips the web out of Poppy. He rubs the bugs together and Poppy is heart starts to pulsate]''
:'''Poppy''': ♪''Get back up again!♪'' Branch, my man, you were ''right'' on time.
:'''Branch''': Oh, right, like you knew I was coming.
:'''Poppy''': Yes. I figured after the third Hug Time, getting eaten by a Bergen would not seem so bad.
:'''Branch''': And I figured there was no way you could do this by yourself. Guess we were both right.
:'''Poppy''': Hmm. All right! Let's do this! Sooner we get to Bergen Town, sooner we can rescue everybody...
<hr width=60%>
:'''Bridget''': Wait! Why isn't this one singing?
:'''Cooper''': Come on, Branch. Sing with us!
:'''Trolls''': Yeah, Branch, sing with us!
:'''Branch''': No. That's okay.
:'''Bridget''': You don't think this will work?
:'''Branch''': No, no. It's not that. I just don't sing.
:'''Poppy''': Branch!
:'''Bridget''': No. He's right. This idea is stupid. King Gristle will never love me. ''[starts crying]''
:'''Cooper''': Come on. Hey, hey. What's all this?
:'''Biggie''': ''[tries to comfort Bridget]'' That's right, Bridget. Just let it all out. ''[Bridget cries loudly]'' Bridget, let it go. Just have a good cry. Go, girl! Okay, now bring it back in. Reel it in.
:''[Branch climbs to the window]''
:'''Poppy''': Branch, what are you doing? You have to sing!
:'''Branch''': I told you, I don't sing.
:'''Poppy''': You have to!
:'''Branch''': I'm sorry. I can't.
:'''Poppy''': No, you can. You just won't.
:'''Branch''': Fine. I just won't.
:'''Poppy''': You have to!
:'''Branch''': No!
:'''Poppy''': Yes!
:'''Branch''': No!
:'''Poppy''': Why NOT!? Why won't you sing?!
:'''Branch''': ''[irritated]'' Because singing killed my grandma! Okay?!
<hr width=60%>
:'''Branch''': When are you gonna ask him about Creek?
:'''Poppy''': We have to warm him up first. Don't you know anything about romance?
:'''Branch''': '' [sarcastically]'' Of course! I am passionate about it.
:'''Poppy''': Really?
:'''Branch''': Don't you know anything about sarcasm?
:'''Cooper''': I think I had a sarcasm once.
:'''Prince Gristle''': And I'll take one of everything, Bibbly. Things are gonna get messy.
:'''Captain Starfunkle''': Enjoy your pizza. Here's your tokens.
:'''Bridget''': Ooh, so fancy. Good thing I brought my appetite.
:'''Prince Gristle''': You are fantastic!
:'''Poppy''': Bridget, compliment back!
:'''Bridget''': I like your back.
:'''Poppy''': No, I meant...say something nice about him.
:'''Bridget''': But I do like his back.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Huh?
:'''Bridget''': Um...
:'''Branch''': Poppy, Help her!
:'''Bridget''': Your eyes... They're... Ugh... Ooh! Your ears... Your eyes... ears...
:'''Biggie''': Nose!
:'''Satin, Chenille''': Skin!
:'''Cooper''': Neck!
:'''Bridget''': Skin, neck, ears, nose, face, back of your head.
:'''Prince Gristle''': Are you okay?
:'''Guy Diamond''': ''[autotune]'' Your teeth.
:'''Bridget''': Teeth.
:'''Prince Gristle''': What is going on? Are you making fun of me?
:'''Bridget''': Your eyes!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Okay, everybody. Let's go save Creek.
:'''Bridget''': No! No! You can't leave. Lady Glittersparkles is gonna be the king's plus one at dinner.
:'''Branch''': The dinner where they're serving Troll? Yeah, I think we're gonna have to skip that one.
:'''Bridget''': No! No, you have to help me be Lady Glittersparkles. I need you.
:'''Poppy''': You don't wanna pretend to be someone you're not forever!
:'''Bridget''': Then how about just for tomorrow?
:'''Poppy''': Bridget, you don't need us anymore. You and the king can make each other happy!
:'''Bridget''': That's impossible! Only eating a Troll can make you happy. Everyone knows that! I wish I'd never gone on this STUPID DATE! ''[sobbing]''
:'''Poppy''': Bridget.
:'''Bridget''': Just go... GET OUT OFF MY ROOM! Leave me alone!
:'''Poppy''': Please, listen.
:''[The trolls leave Bridget's room as Bridget breaks down]''
:'''Chef Bergen''': ''[to Bridget; on microphone with angry]'' '''IDGET!'''
:'''Branch''': ''[to Poppy]'' We've gotta go.
:'''Chef Bergen''': ''[on microphone with angry]'' What's going on down there? Idget, scrub that dish! The king's bringing a plus one.
:'''Bridget''': ''[sobbing]'' Yes, Chef...!
<hr width=50%>
:''[While rescuing her friends]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Looking up at a sunny sky, so shiny and blue and there's a butterfly! Well, isn't that a super fantastic sign?♪'' ''[As she stops, a frog-like monster eats the butterfly, a blob-like monster eats him, a group of tiny orange moth-like monsters fly by him, leaving only the bones behind, and a purple plant-like monster breathes fire on the bones of the monster, turning it into a pile of ash which he sucks up into his mouth. He turns to menacingly look at Poppy and growls. She stares back at him.]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[singing nervously as she edges sideways]'' ''♪It is going to be a fantastic day♪'' ''[runs off]''
:''[She runs off. The next shot, we see Poppy on the puffed geysers. She goes to a geyser which makes Poppy fly. The next shot, Poppy is swinging on vines which's turn out to be tangled snake-like monster, which bows his head at the sight of the princess. She sees a monster and runs off as the creature tries to eat her. She slides down and pops back up. After she is chased by a monster, she falls and sees a bird-like monster. The monster eats her and lays an egg on the nest. Poppy shakes the egg And gets out of the egg by her foot, arm, and her whole body. She is now covered in orange slime. Chicks come by and stretch her arms. She lets go of her arms and rides on a leaf. She sees the red and white thorns. The next shot, she is seen in the paint rain ith her hair wet, a dry deserted island with her hair dry, and a snowy land with her hair covered in snow. The next shot, she is in underwater and gets absorbed by a fish-like monster. She climbs inside the monster's stomach and is now in the windy storm. The next shot, she is standing on a levitating eyeball-like creatures. She jumps on of one and jumps one eyeball and the eyeballs pops into glitter. Poppy falls on the plant monster. The monster sees Poppy and begins to eat her]''
: '''Poppy''': ''♪What if it's more than I can take''♪ ''[She opens the monster's mouth]'' ''♪No! I can't think that way! 'Cause I know, that I'm really, really, really gonna be okay!♪'' ''[She goes up to something that looks like a hill. But it wasn't a hill, it was only a hill-like monster. The monster opens his eyes and mouth, placing the princess on his tongue, then drops it and closes his mouth]'' ''♪Hey! I'm not giving up today. There's nothing getting in my way!♪'' ''[She expand her hair apart on the walls and she flies up and lands on a bush, before she it landed in digestive acids]'' ''♪And if you knock knock me over...I will get back up again! Oh!♪'' ''[She picks a blue berry]''
: '''Poppy''': ''♪If something goes a little wrong...♪'' ''[She eats the berry and gets blue spots all over her body]'' ''♪Well, you can go ahead and bring it on. 'Cause if you knock knock me over...♪'' ''[Her cheeks starts to swell up including her arms. She swells her whole body into a ball]'' ''♪I will get back up again♪'' ''[She rolls off. The next shot, Poppy is rolling on hills]''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ♪Get up!♪
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Oh...''(She falls into spider webs and gets cocooned) ''I'm okay!♪''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Get up!♪''
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Woah oh oh oh oh oh!♪''
'''Chorus''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Get up!♪''
'''Poppy''': ''[singing]'' ''♪Oh, oh...♪'' ''[She falls on the ground]'' ''♪And if you knock knock me over...you knock knock me over...♪'' ''[She gets exhausted]'' ''♪I...will...get back up again....!♪'' ''[She loses consciousness. Zoom back to her as she closes her eyes and sticks her tongue out of her mouth]'' Bleh''.''
<hr width=50%>
:''[After hearing Creek's story]''
:'''Poppy''': ''[shocked]'' No! Creek, please do not do this.
:'''Creek''': Believe me... I wish there was some other "me not getting eaten" way.
:'''Chef Bergen''': But there is not.
:'''Creek''': ''[falsely]'' And now I have to live with this for the rest of my life. At least you get to die with a clear conscience. So, in a way... ''[Poppy gets more shocked]'' you could say... I am doing this for you. ''[he steals Poppy's cowbell away and touches her noise]'' Boop!
<hr width=50%>
:''[When the trolls were trapped in the pot by the Chef and her peoples]''
:'''King Peppy''': ''[gasps]'' Poppy? ''[Poppy is turned away in depression, as King Peppy comes to hug her]'' Poppy, oh, thank goodness you are alright.
:'''Poppy''': ''[after hugged]'' I am doing great. ''[sarcastically]'' I've got everyone I love thrown in a pot, thanks for asking.
:''[Branch then watches and is a bit surprised]''
:'''Biggie''': Poppy, are you being sarcastic?
:'''Poppy''': ''[furiously]'' '''YES!'''
:''[Everyone gasps]''
:'''Smidge''': ''[shocked]'' Oh my gah.
:'''Poppy''': ''[remorseful, to the trolls]'' I'm sorry. I didn't know why I did think I could save you. ''[to her father King Peppy]'' All I wanted was to do is keep everyone safe like you did, Dad. ''[trying not to cry but felt saddened]'' But I couldn't...
:'''King Peppy''': ''[feeling sorry]'' Poppy...
:'''Poppy''': ''[as she sadly turns away and walks slowly to the middle of the pot]'' I let everybody down. ''[she then falls on her knees]''
:'''Branch''': ''[sighs; also feeling sorry]'' But, Poppy...
:'''Poppy''': ''[hopelessly]'' You were right, Branch. The world isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows. ''[moments later, her color begins to fade as the other Trolls watch, feeling saddened]''
:'''Biggie''': ''[sadly]'' Poppy…
:''[As Poppy's color has faded away, Guy Diamond, Cooper, Smidge, DJ Suki, Satin, Chenille, Biggie, Mr. Dinkles, Fuzzbert, King Peppy, and the rest of the other trolls also lose their colors as they lose hope. Branch watches this]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Thank you.
:'''Branch''': ''[warmly]'' No. Thank you.
:'''Poppy''': For what?
:'''Branch''': For showing me how to be, happy.
:'''Poppy''': Really? You're finally happy?... Now?
:'''Branch''': I think so. Happiness is inside of all of us, right? Sometimes you just need someone to help you find it.
:'''One of Troll children''': What's gonna happen now, Princess Poppy?
:'''Poppy''': I don't know. But I know we're not giving up.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Poppy''': Happiness is not something you put inside, it's ''already there!'' Sometimes you just... need someone to help you find it.
:'''A Bergen''': Can I really be happy?
:'''Poppy''': Of course!
:''[Multiple Bergens start getting Poppy's message]''
:'''A Bergen''': Do you think ''I'' can be happy!
:'''Poppy''': Yes! It's inside you, it's inside of ''all'' of us! And I do not think it... I ''feel'' it
''[She starts singing I Can't Stop the Feeling]'' ''♪I got this feeling inside my bones It goes electric wavy when I turn it on♪''
'''Branch''': ''♪And if you want it inside your soul♪''
'''Branch and Poppy''''':'' ''♪Just open up your heart let music take control. I got that sunshine in my pocket I got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops♪''
'''The Snack Pack''': Ooh
'''Branch and Poppy''' ''[They look at each other in love]'': ''♪I can't take my eyes up off it. Moving so phenomenally The room on lock the way you rock it So don't stop♪''
All: ''♪And under the lights when everything goes. Nowhere to hide when I'm getting you close♪''
'''Cooper''': ''♪Can't stop, won't stop♪''
: ''[The Bergen begin to move to the beat of the music, much to the Chef's dismay. Satin and Shenille create a heart sign with their hair, and other Trolls join in to create more, and more]''
All: ''♪When we move well you already know♪''
'''Cooper''': ''♪Let's move, let's move♪''
All: ''♪So, just imagine Just imagine Just imagine♪''
:''[Trolls jump off chandeliers, and two glitter Trolls hug each other, creating a glow. The Chef watches this angrily, but when Chad and Todd stop her with their weapons, much to her anger]''
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing♪''
:''[One of the Bergens begins to move to the rhythm of the song, to everyone's surprise. And the mother holding the child, joins in, then the Trolls move to the organ so that they start dancing]''
'''Branch''': ''♪I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance, come on Ooh, it's something magical It's in the air, it's in my blood, rushing on♪''
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Don't need no reason, don't need control. I fly so high, no ceiling, when I'm in my zone 'Cause I got that sunshine in my pocket Got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops♪''
'''The Snack Pack''': Ooh
'''Branch and Poppy''': ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance
And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing
I can't stop the feeling
So, just dance, dance, dance
I can't stop the feeling
So just dance, dance, dance, come on I can't stop the feeling So, just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So keep dancing♪''
: ''[Soon, the entire filler room dances, and the joyful ogre-like humanoids enthusiastically throw their bibs into the air. Enraged, Chef pushes the guards away, and approaches Poppy and Branch, pulling out huge knives with a scream, ready to kill them, much to their horror. Bridget sees this, and at the last moment they throw a spoon at her former boss. When Chef is confused about this, DJ Suki and Smidge spray her eyes with lemon juice]''
'''Chef''': ''[Covering her eyes, and not looking where she was going; last words]''
My eyes!
'''Satin and Chanille''': ''[run under Chef's leg, stretching her hair so that she stumble]'' Let's do it!
:''[When this happens, the Chef ends up in the pot in which she previously locked the trolls, which does not impress any of the Bergens. After a while, Cooper lights a match and throws it straight onto the pot, causing the dish to explode to the Chef's shock. A pot with a bergen lands on the stairs, rolling down them. Snack Pack run to the top of the stairs to watch it. Chef screams in pain and horror, and the camera zooms in on her pouch in which Creek turns out to have spent the rest of the day unwisely after the betrayal. Realizing his fatal mistake, he can now only hold on and join in screaming. The pot breaks down the BergenTown gate]''
'''Branch''':''♪
Oh...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the...
I can't stop the feeling♪''
All: ''♪Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance
I can't stop the feeling
Feeling good good creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance, come on.
I can't stop the feeling
All those things I shouldn't do you but you dance, dance, dance
And ain't nobody leaving soon so keep dancing Everybody sing♪''
''♪Got this feeling in my body
''I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body
I can't stop the feeling
Wanna see you move your body
I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body
Break it down
Got this feeling in my body
I can't stop the feeling
Got this feeling in my body, come on♪''
:'''King Peppy''': ''[puts the tiara on head of daughter and raises her hand]'' Our new queen!
:'''Trolls''': Go, Queen Poppy! Way to go, Poppy!
:'''One Children of Trolls''': You did it! Alright, Queen Poppy!
:'''Biggie''': She's my friend! I know her!
:''[Poppy and Branch tenderly hold hands, then Smidge uses her hair to raise the platform they are standing on to an extremely high level]''
''♪So just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So just dance, dance, dance I can't stop the feeling So keep dancing, come on♪''
:'''Branch''': ''[fondly]'' I know it's not officially hug time yet, but...
:'''Poppy''': ''[proudly]'' Now that I am queen, I decree that hug time... ..is all the time.
:''[Hug each other warmly. When suddenly, to their surprise, someone hugs them, they turn around and it turns out to be Cloud Guy]''
:'''Cloud Guy''': Up high!
:''[Irritated, they look at each other and high-five him, pushing him off the platform. Cloud Guy laughs and falls, then the two heroes go back to dancing, and the image changes to a 2D scrapbooking image. The screen then pans out beyond the book from starts of movie, which closes on its own]''
<hr width=50%>
:''[last lines, in a mid-credit scene, looking deads Creek and Chef is seen laying on the pot as it comes to a stop with the creak of wheels on something that looks like a hill. But the former minister of Trolls is still alive (although he has wounds and burns), and initially shows relief]''
:'''Creek''': Phew. ''[Chef raises his head, growling furiously after a failed attempt to take the throne. She then focuses her gaze on Creek, who jerks his head in terror, trying to resist, but to no avail, because Chef smiles maliciously and catches him. Then, lifting it towards her mouth, laughing evilly, then opening her mouth even wider, ready to devour him. Creek gets frightened shakes his head. And just as he's about to be bitten, he closes his eyes and grits his teeth; last words]'' But— Wait, wait, wait—
:''[Before she can do so, however, an earthquake strikes. Then the „hill” opens its eyes, revealing itself to be a giant monster (bigger than the one Poppy fell victim to), and opens its mouth, placing the two antagonists on its tongue to their horror. Then, without hesitation, the monster sending the cauldron into its mouth, whereby after a short hover in the air, two characters falls in inside, what predator watches without reaction. The monster then closes its mouth again and falls asleep. Character's screams echo from its bottomless stomach — pit, but after a while they quickly fall silent. The screen goes black]''
==Cast==
* '''[[Anna Kendrick]]''' — Queen Primrose "Poppy" Help Springwater
** '''Iris Dohrn''' (baby)
* '''[[Justin Timberlake]]''' — Branchifer "Branch" Dory
** '''Liam Henry''' (kid)
* '''[[Zooey Deschanel]]''' — Bridget / Lady Glittersparkles
* '''[[w:Christopher Mintz-Plasse|Christopher Mintz-Plasse]]''' — Prince Gristle
* '''[[w:Christine Baranski|Christine Baranski]]''' — Chef Bergen
* '''[[Russell Brand]]''' — Creek
* '''[[w:James Corden|James Corden]]''' — Biggie
* '''[[w:Jeffrey Tambor|Jeffrey Tambor]]''' — King Peppy Help Springwater
* '''[[w:Ron Funches|Ron Funches]]''' — Cooper
* '''[[w:Icona Pop|Aino Jawo]]''' — Satin
* '''[[w:Icona Pop|Caroline Hjelt]]''' — Chenille
* '''[[w:Kunal Nayyar|Kunal Nayyar]]''' — Guy Diamond
* '''[[w:Quvenzhané Wallis|Quvenzhané Wallis]]''' — Harper
* '''[[John Cleese]]''' — King Gristle Sr.
* '''[[w:Gwen Stefani|Gwen Stefani]]''' — DJ Suki
* '''[[w:Mike Mitchell (director)|Mike Mitchell]]''' — Darius, Vinny the Phone, Captain Starfunkle, Spider, Wedgie Bergen #1, Chad & Card
* '''[[w:Walt Dohrn|Walt Dohrn]]''' — Smidge, Fuzzbert, Cloud Guy, Mr. Dinkles, Tunnel Troll, Wedgie Bergen #2
* '''GloZell''' (US) / '''Dami Im''' (Australia) / '''Susanna Reid''' (UK) — Rosiepuff Dory
* '''Meg DeAngelis''' (US) / '''Connie Glynn''' (UK) — Moxie Dewdrop
* '''Ricky Dillon''' (US) / '''Greg James''' (UK) — Aspen Heitz
* '''Kandee Johnson''' (US) / '''Abbey Clancy''' (UK) — Mandy Sparkledust
* '''Grace Helbig''' (US) / '''Carrie Hope Fletcher''' (UK) — Cookie Sugarloaf
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category|Trolls (film)}}
{{Trolls}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2016 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2016 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American animated romance films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about trolls]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mike Mitchell]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:DreamWorks Animation]]
hoixtfghpe5dkfp88mrfiq9i0uguqrb
That '70s Show (season 6)
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/* Squeezebox [6.20] */
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:'''Season''' [[That '70s Show (season 1)|1]] [[That '70s Show (season 2)|2]] [[That '70s Show (season 3)|3]] [[That '70s Show (season 4)|4]] [[That '70s Show (season 5)|5]] [[That '70s Show (season 6)|6]] [[That '70s Show (season 7)|7]] [[That '70s Show (season 8)|8]] | [[That '70s Show|'''Main''']]
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'''''[[w:That '70s Show|That '70s Show]]''''' (1998–2006) is an American television sitcom centered on the lives of a group of teenagers living in the fictional town of Point Place, Wisconsin during the late 1970s.
=== ''The Kids Are Alright'' [6.1] ===
:''[Eric lies in Donna's bed]''
:'''Eric''': So... cold... Can't... use the Force...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kitty''': Now, let's get you upstairs for your nap. And Eric, he needs quiet, so no shenanigans.
:'''Eric''': Mom, please. I haven't shenaniganned in about six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-done-well. Just yesterday I found myself rabble-rousing.
:'''Red''': Will you shut up?!
=== ''Join Together'' [6.2] ===
:'''Jackie''': I wish someone would rub lotion on my shoulders. ''[to Hyde]'' Think they're getting a little red.
:'''Hyde''': Yeah, you should be careful. Looks like you're starting to scab.
:'''Kelso''': OH! That's a burn about a burn, that's a second-degree burn!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Red joins Hyde in the basement. Hyde is watching a football game and drinking soda]''
:'''Red''': Hey, Steven. Where's your beer?
:'''Hyde''': What? Me, beer?
:'''Red''': Kitty threw away all my beer, the Packers are down by 11, you're 18, I know you have beer, so where's your beer?
:''[Hyde removes the outer part of the soda can, revealing beer]''
:'''Red''': I don't want used beer.
:'''Hyde''': Well, I might have a couple of fresh ones in the shower. :''[Red opens the curtain to reveal about 15 cases of beer]''
:'''Hyde''': Yeah, I'm running low. I should probably hit the store.
:''[Red takes a six pack and sits down to watch the Packers game with Hyde]''
=== ''Magic Bus'' [6.3] ===
:''[Jackie and Hyde are making out on Donna's bed]''
:'''Jackie''': Steven, I am so glad we're back together. I thought I lost my Puddin' Pop forever.
:'''Hyde''': You wanna hear something sick? I actually missed you calling me Puddin' Pop.
:''[They continue making out and Donna and Eric come in]''
:'''Donna''': How many times have I told you guys not to make out on my bed? You guys are like cats; you don't even listen. ''[sprays Jackie and Hyde with water]''
:'''Jackie''': You're leaving tonight, so technically this isn't your bed anymore. Besides, I just can't keep my hands off my Puddin' Pop.
:'''Donna and Eric''': Puddin' Pop?
:'''Hyde''': Is that supposed to be me? I never heard that name before in my life.
:''[Later, in the circle]''
:'''Fez''': We should think about getting her something else. What do you think Puddin' Pop?
:'''Hyde''': ''[laughing]'' Why does everyone keep callin' me that? My name's not Puddin' Pop! I never heard that name before in my life! ''[sighs]'' Forman's dead.
:'''Jackie''': Hey, you guys think that's funny you should hear what Steven calls me. He calls me his– ''[Hyde shoves a piece of cake in her face]'' HEY! Oh, hey, that's some good cake!
=== ''The Acid Queen'' [6.4] ===
:''[After Kelso tries in vain to convince the others he had sex with Brooke, she comes to the basement]''
:'''Brooke''': Michael, I need to talk to you.
:'''Kelso''': Yeah? About what?
:'''Brooke''': About our night together at the Molly Hatchet concert.
:'''Kelso''': Excuse me. ''[points to Fez]'' Burn! ''[points to Donna]'' Burn! ''[points to Eric]'' Burn! ''[points to Hyde and Jackie]'' Burn!
:''[Kelso runs upstairs to the kitchen]''
:'''Kelso''': ''[to Kitty and Red]'' BURN! BURN!
:''[He runs back downstairs]''
:'''Kelso''': ''[to everyone calmly]'' Burn. We totally did it!
:'''Brooke''': Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant.
:''[The whole gang quietly gasps]''
:'''Kelso''': ''[pause; defensively]'' I never touched her!
=== ''I'm Free'' [6.5] ===
:'''Jackie''': Laverne is so annoying. Why does Shirley put up with her crap?
:'''Kelso''': She has to. They're in love.
:'''Donna''': Again, Kelso, [[w:Laverne and Shirley|Laverne and Shirley]] are not lesbians.
:'''Kelso''': Trust me, they're one bottle of wine away from making out, just like you two.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Red''': ''[referring to Fez's impending questioning by the [[w:Immigration and Customs Enforcement|INS]]]'' And I guess it might be fun to just sit back and watch Tarzan here crumble before the full force of the U.S government.
:'''Fez''': Okay, that’s it. Anwar, I can deal with. Tonto, in the ballpark, but Tarzan... Tarzan is a white guy!
:'''Red''': Don’t sass me, Tarzan.
=== ''We're Not Gonna Take It'' [6.6] ===
:'''Fez''': Laurie... Well, look who the whore dragged in, herself. May I remind you you're married?
:'''Laurie''': Oh, that's okay. The guy from last night was married, too.
:''[Red and Kitty walk in from the kitchen]''
:'''Fez''': What is your problem?
:'''Red''': Oh, are you two at it again? ''[to Fez]'' Your green card is on the way. ''[to Kitty]'' I thought this marriage was over.
:'''Kitty''': Laurie, I gave you $50 last week to go down to the courthouse and file for divorce. What happened?
:'''Laurie''': Well, I had to get a new makeup mirror and some wine.
:'''Red''': Tomorrow we're going to the courthouse.
:''[Red and Kitty walk out of the living room]''
:'''Fez''': Hmmmm, the courthouse is across town. I wonder if you can make it all the way there without sleeping with someone?
:'''Laurie''': I bet I can make it there without sleeping with you.
:''[Laurie walks away]''
:'''Fez''': Bitch.
=== ''Christmas'' [6.7] ===
:''[Two girls approach Eric]''
:'''Random Girl #1''': Oh, my God, Eric Forman! I love your shirt.
:'''Eric''': Really? I wore this shirt for four years and no one said a thing.
:'''Random Girl #2''': I guess now you really fill it out!
:'''Eric''': Thanks. I'm, like, up to 17 push-ups a night, so..
:'''Random Girl #2''': No, I don't think that's it. I think it's because you're not a high school boy any more.
:'''Random Girl #1''': You're 18 now; you've seen and done it all.
:'''Eric''': No, no, I... Well, yes, yes, I have!
:''[Kelso pulls Eric away]''
:'''Kelso''': You better watch out, okay? Girls are talking to you. I think there might be a practical joke in the works.
:'''Eric''': No, man, I don't think so. I think it's because I graduated. Hyde, am I cool now?
:'''Hyde''': Well, you're cool like margarine is butter... close, but there's a little aftertaste.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Donna''': Okay, we're back, and uh, if my boyfriend's listening, you're late and I'm a little worried you're trapped in a snowdrift or something. So, honey, if you're cold, I'm with you, baby. Okay, so let's take some requests, hello, you're on the air.
:'''Girl at Dance''': Hi, I'd like to dedicate "He's the Greatest Dancer" by Sister Sledge to Eric Forman, the coolest guy at the Christmas dance.
:'''Donna''': What? He's still at the dance?
:'''Girl at Dance''': Sorry, I have to go. He's telling us about his boat.
:'''Donna''': That sneaky bastard. Uh, that sneaky bastard Santa Claus is on his way with a non-stop block of classic Christmas tunes, and remember, you're listening to WFPP with me, Hot Donna. ''[pushes a button that plays a sizzling sound]'' You hear that, Eric Forman? That's not bacon, that's your ass when I get a hold of you!
=== ''I'm A Boy'' [6.8] ===
:'''Jackie''': Hey, maybe a good way to break the ice is for everyone to tell a little about themselves. I'll go first... I like makeup and diets. And Steven here likes black things and throwing stuff at glass.
:'''Brooke''': Okay, well, I was valedictorian of my class, I run marathons and tutor kids in Latin.
:'''Kelso''': Well, I egged the valedictorian of my class, a marathon runner–Oh, and some kids that took Latin.
:'''Hyde''': This is fun.
:'''Brooke''': So how do you all know each other?
:'''Jackie''': Well, Michael and I dated for, like, three years.
:'''Hyde''': Then I stole her from him.
:'''Brooke''': Wait, what?
:'''Kelso''': Nah, nah, you never could have stole her if I didn't cheat on her first.
:'''Brooke''': Okay. Wait a minute–
:'''Kelso''': It, uh... that sounds a lot worse than what it is. I only cheated on her with Eric's sister, and the rest of the girls were when we were on a break because I annoyed her. But none of those were sisters except the two that were sisters.
:'''Hyde''': He brought up the sisters. Awesome.
:'''Brooke''': Okay, this was a mistake. I think I'm going to go.
:'''Kelso''': No, Brooke, wait... I've been with a lot of chicks, a lot... a lot... a lot.
:'''Jackie''': That's not helping.
:'''Kelso''': Look, just let me start over... We might not be the perfect match, okay, but I really, really like you. I think maybe us having this baby together is, like, fate.
:'''Brooke''': Michael, fate is when two people meet on a train or in Paris, not in the bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert. ''[gets up and leaves]''
:'''Kelso''': Fate. Man, never use a word in a fight if you don't really really know what it means.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Red''': ''[as Fez comes into the room and sits down]'' Still not speaking to me, huh?
:'''Fez''': ''[puts his book down, annoyed]'' Fine, I'll ''speak.'' I spend all day running your bald, grumpy ass around town. And do I get a thanks?! ''No''. Because you're unpleasant!
:'''Red''': ...You wanna know ''why'' I'm ''unpleasant?'' I just had a heart attack, and now I have to be driven around like a useless dope by the ''idiot'' that married my daughter and ''gave'' me the heart attack in the first place! ''[stands up, causing Fez to jump back]'' But I am also ''unpleasant'' because I just spent the entire day cooped up in the car, breathing that ''mustard gas'' you call "cologne!" But ''mostly'' I'm unpleasant, because ''that's'' how it works in this family!
:'''Fez''': ''[gets choked up]''...I'm ''family?''
:'''Red''': ''[beat]'' Ah, ''crap!''
=== ''Young Man Blues'' [6.9] ===
:'''Red''': Get under the sink and loosen that disposal so we can get to the pipes.
:'''Eric''': Under there? But... it-it's all spidery.
:'''Red''': Get under there or you're gonna get a spider the size of my foot in your ass!
:'''Eric''': I just realized something. After all the years of me helping you fix stuff, ''you'' finally have to hold a flashlight for ''me.'' Lower, dumbass! ''[laughs]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Eric''': ''[after fixing the lawnmower]'' Mom, Dad, come quick. I fixed it. I fixed it!
:''[Red and Kitty come out of the house to see what Eric did]''
:'''Eric''': It was like God had control over my hands. Let me, let me start it for you.
:'''Red''': Eric, don't. I've seen you use a wrench. If you went lefty-loosey instead of righty-tighty, we could all die. Let me just put this in the garage.
:'''Eric''': Wait, but Dad...
:'''Kitty''': No, no, honey, honey, your father's right, it's not safe. We'll let Bob start it later.
:''[Red opens up the garage door and finds a police car there. He angrily looks up at Eric]''
:'''Red''': WHAT DID YOU DO?! WHY, WHY, WHY, IS IT ALWAYS MY HOUSE?!
:'''Hyde''': Do you really want to know or do you want to just keep yelling?
:'''Red''': I WANT TO KEEP YELLING!! I don't care whose fault it is, just get that thing out of here, now.
:'''Kelso''': Yes, sir. ''[gets into the car]''
:'''Red''': Alright, everybody, show's over. Let's go in the house.
:'''Eric''': But Dad, the lawnmower. I fixed the lawnmower, You've got to see. ''[sees Kelso backing up and about to hit the lawnmower]'' KELSO, WAIT!
:''[Kelso destroys the lawnmower]''
:'''Hyde''': Hey, look Fez. Just like your frog.
:''[Fez looks especially upset]
:'''Red''': Ah, well. It was broken anyway.
:'''Eric''': No, it wasn't. I fixed it. Mom, you believe me, don't you?
:'''Kitty''': Of course I do, honey. I believe that you believed you fixed it.
=== ''A Legal Matter'' [6.10] ===
:''[Eric, Hyde, and Kelso have a Circle while raiding the police academy's main office]''
:'''Eric''': These samples are way better than our samples. Did you see how quickly I sniffed them out? I could so be a police dog!
:'''Kelso''': Cool. A training collar! ''[puts shock collar around his neck]'' You know, I still don’t get how they could think I’m a stooge. I’m, like, on top of everything! ''[picks up remote]'' What does this thing do? ''[gets an electrical shock]'' AHH!
:'''Hyde''': Give me that, Kelso! You’re gonna hurt yourself. ''[presses button on the remote to give Kelso another shock]''
:'''Kelso''': AHH! AH! Quit it, Hyde. That really hurts. ''[pause]'' Okay, do it one more time. ''[gets shocked again]'' AHHH! ''[laughs]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Red is teaching American history to Fez so he can pass the INS greencard exam]''
:'''Red''': What was President [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]'s greatest achievement?
:'''Fez''': He led the Allies to victory in World War II and sent those jack-booted Nazi bastards home to cry in their sauerkraut.
:'''Red''': I didn't understand a word you said, but I heard "Nazi bastards" and that's good enough for me.
=== ''I Can See For Miles'' [6.11] ===
:''[The gang is hanging out in Hyde's room]''
:'''Jackie''': Why are you guys all in Steven's room?
:'''Fez''': Well, Hyde was here so I came in because I am not comfortable enough with myself to be alone.
:'''Jackie''': Yeah, but it's all gray like a prison cell. Gray is why prisoners are unhappy.
:'''Hyde''': Really, I always thought it was the loss of freedom... and the uninvited man love.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Eric laments about accidentally seeing Kelso's van plunge from Mt Hump]''
:'''Eric''': Man, poor Kelso's van. When it finally landed, it didn't so much crash, it just completely separated into basic elements and just returned to nature.
:'''Donna''': So sad. There were [[w:Tootsie Roll|Tootsie Rolls]] everywhere.
=== ''Sally Simpson'' [6.12] ===
:''[Kelso introduces a fellow cadet to the gang]''
:'''Kelso''': Hey, guys. This is my co-cadet at the police academy, Suzy Simpson. Simpson, these are my friends. Take a good look, 'cause you'll probably be arresting some of them in the future.
:'''Suzy Simpson''': You're right. This one ''[points to Hyde]'' looks like the guy in the "What Drugs Can Do To You" filmstrip.
:'''Hyde''': You're a cop, huh? You kinda look like a cop. You look kinda giggly.
:'''Kelso''': Look, alright. Simpson needed to give me a ride home 'cause I sprayed myself with mace to see what it would feel like.
:'''Eric''': Hey, so Suzy, which ''Charlie's Angels'' is your favorite? The brainy one? The sporty one? Or the one that just can't find a bra? Mine's the one that just can't find a bra.
:'''Suzy''': ''[[w:Charlie's Angels|Charlie's Angels]]'' are an embarrassment to the badge. No real cop would last a day dressed like those sluts.
:'''Jackie''': Hey, those sluts are my heroes.
:'''Kelso''': Hey, thanks for giving me a ride, Simpson.
:'''Suzy''': We back up our own.
:'''Kelso and Suzy''': Point! Place! Police! Court! Freeze! I said, "Freeze!"
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Red and Eric are trying role-playing to help lower Red's stress]''
:'''Red''': ''[imitating Eric]'' I'm just a skinny, smart-mouthed kid who always has something to say about everything!
:'''Eric''': ''[imitating Red]'' And I wish I was an octopus, so I could put eight feet in eight different asses! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
:'''Red''': ''[imitating Eric]'' ''[[w:Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope|Star Wars]]'' ''Star Wars'', ''Star Wars!''
:'''Eric''': ''[imitating Red]'' Dead [[w:Communist|Commies]], dead Commies, dead Commies!
=== ''Won't Get Fooled Again'' [6.13] ===
:'''Kelso''': Eric, I can’t believe you knocked up a girl, too! I mean, you lose points for not doing it in a public place, but hey! Give me five!
:'''Eric''': Kelso, I don’t really think this is a “give me five” moment, okay? I am ''really'' freaked out! ...Well, right now I’m not so much freaked out as starving, and... fascinated by your nose!
:'''Kelso''': Yeah, it’s perfect. You’d be amazed at what I can fit up in there. But the important thing is that you have responsibilities now, so you gotta step up like I did.
:'''Hyde''': Look, if you mean you stepped up on a urinal to climb out of a window to get away from the girl you got pregnant... Then, yeah, you stepped up.
:'''Eric''': ''[notices Fez’s absence in the circle]'' Still no Fez, huh? Wow, Kelso, you really must have pissed him off. He hasn’t stayed away this long since he discovered bubble baths.
:'''Kelso''': Yeah, Fez still isn't talking to me. But I think he's calling, 'cause every once in a while, I pick up the phone and all I hear is breathing, and the crinkle of a candy being unwrapped.
:'''Hyde''': Man, we are sitting in the circle talking about relationships! What happened to us?! This stash must be from California.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Eric wants Kitty's help after Donna might be pregnant. Donna worries that Eric will be too obvious about who is pregnant.]''
:'''Eric''': Donna, I think I know how to be subtle.
:''[Cut to Eric shouting at someone in another room]''
:'''Eric''': MOMMY, MOMMY, DONNA MIGHT BE PREGNANT!
=== ''Baby Don't You Do It'' [6.14] ===
:''[Kelso explains how the police academy got set on fire]''
:'''Kelso''': It totally wasn't my fault! I I got there early to practice with my flare gun because I wanted to show Brooke an actual "B" for a change.
:'''Fez''': Okay, so far zero percent your fault.
:'''Kelso''': Then, I accidentally shot off a flare and it went ''[whistling sound]'' right under the bleachers.
:'''Hyde''': Well, now we've jumped to about 60 percent your fault.
:'''Kelso''': 'Kay, so then I shot off another flare at the first flare because you know what they say, you gotta "fight fire with fire."
:'''Jackie''': Yeah, this is now, like, 99 percent your fault.
:'''Kelso''': So, then I shot another flare into the air to warn people about the fire and that one just went right on the roof, so I just got the hell out of there.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Eric and Donna visit the marriage counselor, Pastor Dan]''
:'''Pastor Dan''': Okay, what did you want to tell me?
:'''Eric''': Well, you see, Pastor Dan, when we were here before and you had asked us about premarital sex, we might have... We lied, okay? We have had sex zillions of times. I used to try to keep track on a pad, but it got unwieldy. Oh, God.
:'''Donna''': Eric!
:'''Eric''': Well, I'm sorry, Donna, but we are knocking on Hell's door, and I ain't goin' in!
:'''Pastor Dan''': Eric, you're not going to Hell. But you might be. I don't know you that well. I just think you're depriving yourselves of that wonderful moment when marriage is cemented by giving the gift of yourselves.
:'''Donna''': Wow. I never thought about it that way.
:'''Pastor Dan''': Maybe that's why you couldn't figure out the whole excitement about marriage. The one thing you should have been looking forward to, you had already experienced. Maybe you knew that without realizing it.
:'''Eric''': Um... I don't mean to bring up ''Star Wars'' again. ''[pause; Donna just looks exasperated]'' This is a lot like Luke before he discovered the [[w:Force (Star Wars)|Force]].
:'''Pastor Dan''': Exactly. And what is the Force in real life?
:''[Eric gasps and points up at ceiling]''
=== ''Who Are You'' [6.15] ===
:''[Kitty is trying to convince Bob not to date Pam]''
:'''Kitty''': Bob, this is clearly upsetting Donna. How can you date her?
:'''Red''': Yeah. How can ''you'' date ''her?''
:'''Kitty''': ''[glares at Red]'' What does that mean?
:'''Red''': What?
:'''Kitty''': You emphasized "her" like there's something special about "her".
:'''Red''': ''[stammering a bit]'' I just said what you said. But you must've missed it because I was on my way outside to mow the lawn. ''[heads outside]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Donna just told Kitty about her and Jackie discovering Bob and Pam in a hot tub]''
:'''Kitty''': Bob and Pam are in a hot tub?
:'''Red''': ''[overhears and enters kitchen]'' Pam's in a hot tub?
:'''Kitty''': There, you did it again, and this time you didn't even say "Bob!"
:'''Red''': Yes, I did.
:'''Kitty''': No, you didn't.
:'''Red''': Yes, I did... and you would have heard it too if it hadn't been for all that damn tea! You know, I–I fought a war to keep that crap out of this country, and you had to bring it into my house, and you call yourself an American! Ha! ''[leaves kitchen]''
=== ''Man With Money'' [6.16] ===
:''[Hyde, Eric, and Kelso are jealous of Bob dating Pam]''
:'''Hyde''': I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I was Bob.
:'''Eric''': I wonder if she'd like to watch ''[[The Graduate]]'' with me sometime?
:'''Kelso''': One time, back when I was dating Jackie, I saw Pam washing her car. She leaned over and squeezed out the sponge... that's all I remember as I rode my bike straight into a tree.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Kitty is exasperated that Red is eating lasagna for lunch and his heart monitor does not sound the alarm despite the high cholesterol]''
:'''Kitty''': I mean, what does it take to get that beeper going?
:'''Pam''': ''[walks in with Bob]'' Hi, Red.
:''[Red's heart monitor beeps and Kitty Glares at him]''
:'''Red''': Wow, that must be the lasagna kicking in!
=== ''Happy Jack'' [6.17] ===
:''[Hyde and Fez visit Kelso at the police academy. Officer Kennedy sees the trio]''
:'''Officer Kennedy''': Cadet Mike.
:'''Kelso''': Officer Kennedy, you know my friends Hyde and Fez.
:'''Kennedy''': Yeah, I remember. But it seems to me their names were Trouble and Maker.
:'''Hyde''': Trouble and Maker. That's clever.
:'''Fez''': I think it's funny. They put us together, and we're troublemakers.
:'''Kennedy''': Shut up. I hope these two delinquents don't interfere with the progress you've been making here, Mike.
:'''Kelso''': No, sir. Not at all, sir.
:'''Kennedy''': Well, we'll see. I'll have my eye on you... on all of you.
:'''Kelso''': He's a good man.
:'''Hyde''': Alright, you're really starting to creep me out. Help me grab the beer out of the car. I'm gonna drink until that moustache turns into a caterpillar and crawls away.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Red and Kitty talk to Eric over his masturbation]''
:'''Kitty''': When you were a baby, you had your hands down your pants all the time. But that's okay, because it's natural. Red, tell him it's natural.
:'''Red''': What are you, an animal?
:'''Kitty''': But why wouldn't you lock the door?
:'''Red''': How could he lock the door when he's in there pawing himself like an animal?
:'''Kitty''': You know, some people get addicted and can't even hold down a job!
:'''Red''': If you can't get someone to do it for you, you do without. In [[w:Korean War|Korea]] I went for two and a half years.
:'''Eric''': Dad, you were there for three. ''[Kitty looks at Red]''
:'''Red''': What are you, an animal?
=== ''Do You Think It's Alright'' [6.18] ===
:''[Fez catches Red reading a romantic novel]''
:'''Fez:''' So you like those books too, Mr. Red?
:'''Red:''' Alright, fine. So you know. But you tell one person, and so help me God, I will chop down whatever tree you live in!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Everyone plays Truth or Dare against each other in pairs; Donna is with Eric, Kelso is with Fez, and Hyde is with Jackie, leaving Mitch by himself]''
:'''Donna:''' Okay, Kelso: Truth or dare.
:'''Kelso:''' Uh... truth.
:'''Donna:''' Have you ever snuck into my bathroom while I was showering?
:'''Kelso:''' ...I mean, dare.
:'''Fez:''' You ''have'' snuck in there! I was there and I saw you! ...I mean, dare.
:'''Jackie:''' Okay, Steven: Truth or dare? The truth will be whether or not you love me, and the dare will be... telling me that you love me!
:'''Hyde:''' Okay. ''[sighs]'' Pass.
:'''Mitch:''' Okay, Mitch: Truth or dare? Um, I pick dare, Mitch. Okay, Mitch. I dare you to kiss Donna. ''[gasps at himself]'' Mitch! Naughty Mitch!
:'''Donna:''' Mitch, you goofball. That’s not how that works. You have to be, like, "I dare you to kiss me."
:'''Mitch:''' Okay.
:''[Mitch gets up and kisses Donna in front of Eric]''
:'''Eric:''' WHAT THE HELL?!
:'''Kelso:''' Oh, he did it!
:'''Fez:''' Look at him go! He's like a hummingbird!
=== ''Substitute'' [6.19] ===
:'''Mitch''': Aw, Forman. I should've known it was you guys. Most people that come here can't hit the ball that hard on the account that they're in kindergarten.
:'''Eric''': Mitch! Congratulations. This seems like the perfect job for someone your size what with the free lodging in the castle on hole six.
:'''Mitch''': Yeah, there's just enough room in there for me and your mom.
:'''Kelso''': Yeah, the sweetest burns involve doing it with your mom.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kitty''': ''[holding a Darth Vader action figure]'' Eric, were you playing in the bathtub with your little doll?
:'''Eric''': ACTION FIGURE! ''[looks at the action figure]'' Oh, no.
:'''Hyde''': In the tub, Forman? It's getting really hard to be your friend.
:''[Hyde leaves the breakfast table with Kelso]''
=== ''Squeezebox'' [6.20] ===
:''[Kelso pretends to interrogate Eric]''
:'''Kelso''': Alright, Mr. Forman, if that is indeed your real name, what did you do on the day of yesterday?
:'''Eric''': You'll never get it out of me, copper. I'm no rat!
:''[Kelso takes Eric's X-Wing model and smashes it against the table]''
:'''Eric''': KELSO, WHAT THE HELL?!
:'''Kelso''': Oh, just relax, Eric. I'm just doing good cop, bad cop. That was the bad cop, but he's gone now. See, now good cop is here to take care of you. Hey, how you doin', buddy? It's a real shame about what happened to your model. Why don't you tell me what you did yesterday?
:'''Eric''': I came home from the restaurant, and spent six hours building that model!
:'''Mitch''': Uh, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt, but what about your encounter at the store with the girl who sells slurpees?
:'''Kelso and Donna''': What?
:'''Mitch''': Yeah, you remember. She asked why you never call her anymore. You were like...
:'''Kelso''': Ooh.
:'''Donna''': Wait. Is that the girl from the movies?
:'''Kelso''': Donna, I'm asking the question here. Was that the girl from the movies?
:'''Donna''': What happened to, "I barely know her?"
:'''Kelso''': What happened to, "I barely know her?"
:'''Donna''': Why were you calling her, Eric?
:'''Kelso''': Why were you calling her, Eric?
:'''Eric''': Kelso, will you shut up?!
:'''Kelso''': Oh, yeah, it's getting hot in here, isn't it?!
:'''Eric''': ''[pushes Kelso's face away]'' Look, Donna maybe I kinda know her. Maybe we kinda went out a couple times when you were dating Kelso's brother.
:'''Jackie''': Wait. You got other girls besides Donna to go out with you? What is this obsession with the underdog?
:'''Donna''': So the other day at the movies you lied to me?
:'''Kelso''': Donna, I'm the senior officer here. So the other day at the movies you lied to me.
:'''Eric''': No! You know, I mean... it was the movies, you know. It's... it's all make-believe.
:'''Donna''': Okay, you know what? Don't bother coming over tonight. My sexual tension has been replaced with another familiar emotion: Anger at your scrawny ass!
:'''Eric''': No!
:'''Mitch''': YES!
:'''Jackie''': Well, good job, Michael. You solved one crime and prevented an even bigger one: Donna having sex with Eric.
:'''Kelso''': ''[to Eric]'' You have the right to remain BUUURRRRRNNN!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Kelso and Hyde make fun of Eric and Donna making up]''
:'''Eric''': You know, I never stopped loving you.
:'''Donna''': Eric... ''[kisses Eric]''
:'''Kelso''': Hyde, I never stopped loving you, either. ''[takes Hyde's hand in his]''
:'''Hyde''': ''[pretends to tear up]'' Don't. I promised myself I wouldn't cry!
:'''Fez''': You guys better be kidding, or I'm gonna be super pissed!
=== ''5:15'' [6.21] ===
:'''Mitch:''' ''[after challenging Eric to a fight]'' Alright! 5:15 at the playground–you be there!
:'''Donna:''' Why not just do it at 5:00?
:'''Mitch:''' I have swimming lessons!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Red faces Hyde in the basement over him tapping to the cable TV]''
:'''Red''': What the hell's the matter with you?! Stealing my cable!
:'''Hyde''': Red, before you blow your stack, why don't you take a look at the carwash girl? She is so sudsy.
:'''Red''': You drilled a hole in my floor. My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!
:'''Hyde''': Red, the carwash girls have to make $500, or their super-freaky love nest is gonna turn into a bookstore.
:'''Red''': Look there's only one clicker, and it's upstairs. My cable, my channel! ''[walks back up]''
=== ''Sparks'' [6.22] ===
:''[Hyde, Kelso and Fez are on top of Mt.Hump. Kelso is sitting in a canoe.]''
:'''Hyde''': Hey, so, uh, how do you plan on steering this thing on land?
:'''Kelso''': ''[holds up paddle]'' Duh.
:'''Fez''': Kelso, I think you should wear a helmet just in case anything goes wrong.
:'''Kelso''': Fez, I'm riding an open canoe down a rocky mountain side. What could possibly go wrong?
:'''Hyde''': I think I'm with Fez on this helmet thing.
:'''Kelso''': Ah, no, I'm not falling for that one.
:'''Hyde''': Falling for what?
:'''Kelso''': The old helmet gag.
:'''Hyde''': Kelso, I just want you to protect your head from being crushed like a berry.
:'''Kelso''': Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Now, let go of the ropes and watch me fly!
:'''Hyde and Fez''': One, two, three.
:''[They let go of rope, but the canoe does not move]''
:'''Kelso''': Woohoo!... Woohoo!... Ah, man! ''[tries pushing off with the paddle, stands up, gets out of canoe and throws away paddle]'' Stupid thing!
:''[The canoe suddenly takes off down the hill]''
:'''Kelso''': Oh! Oh, man, that could have been me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hyde, Kelso and Fez do another attempt at canoe riding]''
:'''Kelso''': We'll get a running start. And then, I'll jump in and zoom down the hill like the bobsledders do.
:'''Fez''': And then, because this is a canoe on dirt and gravel instead of a bobsled on ice, bad things are gonna happen to you.
:'''Kelso''': This is why I'm a legend, Fez.
:'''Hyde''': Alright, Kelso. ''[picks up the Stupid Helmet]'' This time you're wearing a helmet.
:'''Kelso''': Thanks, Hyde, but I think I'm ''not'' gonna put on a helmet with a bunch of worms and stuff crammed inside.
:'''Hyde''': It's not a prank!
:'''Kelso''': Well, now it's not, 'cause I didn't fall for it!
:'''Hyde''': It finally happened. I've become the boy who cried helmet.
:'''Kelso''': Okay, on three. ...Go!
:''[Kelso, Hyde and Fez start pushing the canoe downhill. Kelso lets go and runs downhill]''
:'''Kelso''': WOOHOO! ''[jumps; lands with a thud]'' Holy crap! Did you see me bounce off of that tree?!
=== ''My Wife'' [6.23] ===
:'''Hyde''': Forman, your bachelor party's tonight. We're going to a strip club, so don't forget your inhaler.
:'''Eric''': Come on, Hyde. I don't need a silly bachelor party.
:'''Hyde''': Oh, come on, man. It'll be one last night of the finest debauchery that Point Place has to offer.
:'''Eric''': Hyde, all I need is my sweetie here for the rest of my life.
:'''Donna''': It's alright, Eric. You can go.
:'''Eric''': Alright! I'm gonna see nudies!
:'''Kitty''': ''[walks into the kitchen]'' Oh, Eric, you're not going to one of those hoochie mama shows, are you?
:'''Hyde''': Don't worry, Mrs. Forman. I'll return your son in the same slightly girly condition that he leaves in.
=== ''Going Mobile'' [6.24] ===
:'''Eric''': Guys... I have to tell you about this dream I had.
:'''Kelso''': No. Eric, I can't hear another one of your lame dreams. "Guys, I dreamt I was purple and I could fly and Luke Skywalker was my lab partner."
:'''Eric''': No. It was about Donna. Okay, it was five years in the future.
:'''Hyde''': Five years in the future? Did you see Jackie? How's she holdin' up? Do I need to get out now?
:'''Eric''': Hyde, in my dream, Donna gave up her life plans to be with me. And she was so miserable, she left me.
:'''Hyde''': That's it? I took my feet off the table and turned slightly to the left for that?
:'''Eric''': Look, you guys, what if I really am holding Donna back and she just doesn't realize it yet? I feel like I could be ruining both of our lives.
:'''Kelso''': Eric, relax, okay? It's just a stress dream, 'cause you're gettin' married tomorrow. Now, I had a dream last night that's worth telling. Okay, Donna was in a wet t-shirt contest ''[begins to visualize scene, but stops it]'' No, I can't. Forget it. It's too dirty.
:'''Hyde''': So who's gonna be your best man?
:'''Eric''': Oh, you know what? Why don't you guys just decide who my best man is?
:'''Hyde''': Whoa, you want us to choose? Well, if that's not an invitation to dress a dog up in a tuxedo, I don't know what it is.
:'''Kelso''': Alright. If anyone should be the best man, it's me. I'm gonna be a father, so I really need the money.
:'''Hyde''': You don't get paid to be the best man. You do it for the satisfaction of nailing the hottest bridesmaid. It's in the Bible.
:'''Kelso''': Well, I can't do that, 'cause I'm bringin' Brooke. Yeah, we're getting pretty serious. Girls, man... you get 'em pregnant, they get all clingy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The gang, the Formans and Bob are in the Forman living room after Eric failed to arrive at the wedding rehearsal. Hyde answers a phone call.]''
:'''Hyde''': Hello... Yeah, we kinda figured... Uh-huh ... Well, do you wanna talk to her? She's sittin' right here... Okay. ''[hangs up]'' Wrong number.
:'''Donna''': Hyde, what did he say?
:'''Hyde''': He said he's really sorry.
:'''Donna''': He's sorry? He left me the day before our wedding, and he's sorry? What... What does that mean?
:'''Hyde''': It means he's not coming. Not tonight, not to the wedding. He's gone.
:'''Kelso''': Man, I am glad to be here. I have had a rough day. Being around all this love and happiness oughtta cheer me right up. I mean, this is a happy day. Look at all the love. Wait, hey, where's Eric?
=== ''The Seeker'' [6.25] ===
:''[Hyde is in the hospital after falling off the water tower while with Donna]''
:'''Fez''': You look dorky.
:'''Donna''': Hyde, I am so sorry. I don't know my own strength. I mean, I guess I'm still all bulked up from J.V. Wrestling. You know what? This isn't my fault. This is Eric's fault for taking off.
:'''Fez''': Hey, look at the bright side. Now, I can spy on you from Eric's empty bedroom instead of climbing up a tree where there's no place to put my juice box.
:'''Kelso''': Man, I can't believe I missed you falling off the water tower. So I'm at home, and I'm watching Scooby-Doo, and I think to myself: "You know what? You should go and hang out with Hyde and Donna." And then I think, "No, because maybe Scooby and Shaggy found a real ghost this time." But it wasn't. It was just another crazy old guy.
:'''Jackie''': ''[enters room]'' Oh, Steven, I heard what happened.
:'''Hyde''': And you brought me flowers?
:'''Jackie''': No, these are for me. My boyfriend fell off the water tower. So what, Donna, you're alone, and you want me to be alone, too?
:'''Kitty''': Okay, Steven, get on home. I'll take care of you later. Trade you a kiss for a lollipop.
:'''Hyde''': I don't need that baby crap.
:''[He waits until the guys are out of the room, turns back and gives Kitty a kiss]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Midge returns]''
:'''Donna''': Mom, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're here.
:'''Midge''': Well, there are times when a mother has to be there for her baby, like now and, I guess, when she's born.
:'''Kelso''': You know, Mrs. Pinciotti, in my younger days, I had quite the crush on you even though I knew nothing could ever happen. But now that I'm older, and I'm gonna be a father soon, if anything does happen, we gotta keep it quiet.
:'''Jackie''': ''[enters room]'' Steven, you're late. Where... Midge! Hey... what a surprise, huh? I should probably return these earrings I didn't know were yours.
:'''Bob''': ''[walks in with Pam]'' Midge, what are you doing here?
:'''Midge''': I came to see Donna. Who's the Amazon?
:'''Bob''': Oh, this is my, uh, friend.
:'''Pam''': "Friend?" I don't think so. Hi, I'm Pam, the best thing that ever happened to him.
:'''Midge''': I'm Midge, the second best thing that ever happened to him.
:'''Donna''': Dad, I invited her to stay with us.
:'''Jackie''': Your mom is staying with us?
:'''Donna''': No, your mom is staying with us.
:'''Jackie''': What about my mom?
:'''Donna''': Well, that's not my mom, that's your mom.
:'''Bob''': I'm confused. Who am I sleeping with?
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:That '70s Show seasons]]
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Hell or High Water (film)
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'''''[[w:Hell or High Water (film)|Hell or High Water]]''''' is a [[w:2016 in film|2016 film]] about a divorced father and his ex-con older brother who resort to a desperate scheme in order to save their family's ranch in West Texas.
:''Directed by [[w:David Mackenzie (director)|David Mackenzie]]. Written by [[w:Taylor Sheridan|Taylor Sheridan]].''
{{center|'''Justice isn't a crime.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]}}
== Marcus Hamilton ==
* ''[referring to a TV evangelist]'' He wouldn't know God if he crawled up his pant leg and bit him on the pecker.
== Tanner Howard ==
* ''[to a bellicose thug threatening him]'' Boy, you'd think there were ten of me.
== Other ==
* '''T-Bone Waitress''': I've been working here for 44 years. Ain't nobody ever ordered nothing but a T-Bone steak and baked potato. Except one time, this asshole from New York ordered a trout, back in 1987. We ain't got no goddamned trout.
== Dialogue ==
:'''Tanner Howard''': Are you trying to make me mad? I said Dr Pepper. This is Mr. Pibb.
:'''Toby Howard''': It's all they had.
:'''Tanner Howard''': Only assholes drink Mr. Pibb.
:'''Toby Howard''': Drink up.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Old Man''': You fellas robbin' the bank?
:'''Tanner Howard''': What's it look like, old man?
:'''Old Man''': Crazy! Y'all ain't even Mexicans.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Toby Howard''': You got a gun on you, old man?
:'''Old Man''': You're damn right I got a gun on me. Y'all going to steal my gun too?
:'''Toby Howard''': We ain't stealing from you. We're stealing from the bank.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Bear''': I am a Comanche. Do you know what it means? It means 'Enemy to everyone'.
:'''Tanner Howard''': Do you know what that makes me? A Comanche.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tanner Howard''': You know I love you, don't you?
:'''Toby Howard''': I love you too.
:'''Tanner Howard''': Hey Toby, go fuck yourself.
:'''Toby Howard''': Go fuck yourself.
:''[they cheerfully laugh]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': Oh, who knows. Maybe one of these bank robbers is gonna want a gunfight and I can dodge my retirement in a blaze of glory.
:'''Alberto Parker''': Well, I've seen you shoot. There won't be much glory in it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': This is what they call white man's intuition.
:'''Alberto Parker''': Sometimes a blind pig finds a truffle.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': Care to give it a watch while I wander over to that burger joint?
:'''Alberto Parker''': Would you order me something while you're there? I'm starving.
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': I doubt they serve [[w:pemmican|pemmican]].
:'''Alberto Parker''': You know I'm part Mexican, too.
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': Yeah, well, I'm gonna get to that when I'm through with the Indian insults, but it's gonna be a while.
:'''Bank Manager''': You rangers are an odd bunch.
:'''Alberto Parker''': No, just him.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': How did you do it? Oh, never mind. I'll figure that out in time. Why? Why did you do it? I know why your brother, Tanner, did it. He robbed them banks 'cause he liked it. He shot my partner 300 yards away because he liked it; it made him feel good. And if I hadn't blown his shit-for-brains out, there'd be a new truck out front with jet-skis and whatever else he'd think to buy. He'd spend it all just to give him an excuse to steal some more. But not you. There's nothing new around here, 'cept them pump-jacks. Each one of 'em making you a month what you and your brother stole from all four banks combined. Help me understand that. Help me understand why four people died so you could steal money that it don't seem you've spend, that it don't seem you need.
:'''Toby Howard''': You got a family?
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': My partner had a family. Big one. They don't got no pump-jacks in their backyard.
:'''Toby Howard''': I didn't kill your friend...
:'''Marcus Hamilton''': Yes, you did. By setting this thing in motion. Do you expect me to believe your dim-witted brother planned this? Oh, no, this was smart. This was you.
:'''Toby Howard''': I been poor my whole life. Told my parents, their parents before them... It's like a disease, passing from generation to generation. It becomes a sickness, that's what it is. It infects every person you know. But not my boys. Not anymore. This is theirs now. Now, I ain't never killed no one in my life but if you want me to start with you, let's get on with it, old man. See if you can grab that pistol before I can blast you off this porch.
== Cast ==
* [[w:Jeff Bridges|Jeff Bridges]] - Marcus Hamilton
* [[w:Chris Pine|Chris Pine]] - Toby Howard
* [[w:Ben Foster|Ben Foster]] - Tanner Howard
* [[w:Gil Birmingham|Gil Birmingham]] - Alberto Parker
* [[w:Marin Ireland|Marin Ireland]] - Debbie Howard
* [[w:Katy Mixon|Katy Mixon]] - Jenny Ann
* [[w:Dale Dickey|Dale Dickey]] - Elsie
* [[w:Kevin Rankin (actor)|Kevin Rankin]] - Billy Rayburn
* [[w:Melanie Papalia|Melanie Papalia]] - Emily
== Taglines ==
* Justice isn't a crime.
* Blood always follows money.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=2582782|title=Hell or High Water}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=hell_or_high_water|title=Hell or High Water}}
* {{metacritic film|id=hell-or-high-water|title=Hell or High Water}}
* {{Official website|http://hellorhighwater.movie}}
[[Category:2016 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Heist films]]
[[Category:Western films]]
[[Category:Films set in Texas]]
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George Nicholson (printer)
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'''[[w:George Nicholson (printer)|George Nicholson]]''' ([[1760]] – [[1825]]) was an English [[w:Printer (publishing)|printer]], author, and [[vegetarianism]] advocate.
== Quotes ==
* But the truly independent and sympathizing mind will ever derive satisfaction from the prospect of: well-being, and will not incline to stifle convictions arising from the genuine evidences of truth. With out fear or hesitation, he will become proof against the sneers of unfeeling men, exhibit an uniform example of humanity, and impress on others additional arguments and motives. He will never hesitate in "opening his mouth for the dumb," and, if a Christian in deed and in truth, he will never forget that, not even a sparrow is an inconsiderable object in the sight of God; a reflection, which ought effectually to check, both by example or influence, the shocking barbarities, which unfeeling wantonness or studied cruelty are daily exercising towards many unhappy creatures.
** ''[https://www.google.com/books/edition/On_the_Conduct_of_Man_to_Inferior_Animal/6jUCAAAAQAAJ On the Primeval State of Man]'' (1819), p. 260
* In the present diseased state of society, the prospect is far distant when the System of Benevolence is likely to be generally adopted. The hope of reformation then arises from the intelligent, less corrupted, and younger part of mankind.
** ''[https://www.google.com/books/edition/On_the_Conduct_of_Man_to_Inferior_Animal/6jUCAAAAQAAJ On the Primeval State of Man]'' (1819), p. 260
* Opposers of compassion urge: ‘If we should live on vegetable food, what shall we do with our ''cattle''? What would become of them? They would grow so numerous they would be prejudicial to us—they would eat us up if we did not kill and eat them.’ But there is abundance of animals in the world whom men do not kill and eat; and yet we hear not of their injuring mankind, and sufficient room is found for their abode. Horses are not usually killed to be eaten, and yet we have not heard of any country overstocked with them. … Cattle are at present an article of trade, and their numbers are ''industriously'' promoted. … Self-preservation justifies a man in putting noxious animals to death, yet cannot warrant the least act of cruelty to any being. … Some animals are savage and unfeeling; but let not ''their'' ferocity and brutality be the standard pattern of the conduct of ''man''. Because ''some'' of them have no compassion, feeling, or reason, are ''we'' to possess no compassion, feeling, or reason?
** ''Remarks on Defences of Flesh-eating''; quoted in ''[https://archive.org/stream/ethicsofdietcate00will/ethicsofdietcate00will#page/n3/mode/2up The Ethics of Diet: A Catena of Authorities Deprecatory of the Practice of Flesh-eating]'' by [[Howard Williams (humanitarian)|Howard Williams]] (London: F. Pitman, 1883), p. 193.
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Nicholson, George}}
[[Category:1760 births]]
[[Category:1825 deaths]]
[[Category:Printmakers]]
[[Category:Vegetarians]]
[[Category:People from England]]
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Belarus
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[[File:Flag of Belarus (darker colors).svg|thumb| If you want to invade Russia, as has sometimes been tried, you'll have to go through Minsk. — Thomas Keneally]]
[[File:Solidarity with Belarus concert.jpg|thumb| Unfortunate Belarus! A kind, complaisant, romantic people in the hands of rascals. — [[Uladzimir Karatkevich]] ]]
'''[[w:Belarus|Belarus]]''' is a landlocked country in [[Eastern Europe]] bordered by [[Russia]] to the northeast, [[Ukraine]] to the south, [[Poland]] to the west, and [[Lithuania]] and [[Latvia]] to the northwest. Its capital and most populous city is Minsk. Over 40% of its 207,600 square kilometres (80,200 sq mi) is forested. It was part of the [[Soviet Union]] until it broke up in 1991. It has been under the rule of President [[Alexander Lukashenko]], the longest serving president in [[Europe]], since 1994.
== Quotes ==
* Русское образование сильнее русского штыка.
** Russian education is stronger than the Russian bayonet.
** «Материалы для истории Виленского учебного округа преимущественно в Муравьёвскую эпоху», vol. 1 (St. Petersburg, 1908); see M. N. Krot, [https://cyberleninka.ru/article/n/russkoe-obrazovanie-silnee-russkogo-shtyka-obrazovatelnaya-politika-kak-element-strategii-myagkoy-sily-v-zapadnyh-okrainnyh/viewer "'Russian Education is Stronger than the Russian Bayonet...": Educational Policy as an Element of the "Soft Power" Strategy in the Western Outlying Regions of the Russian Empire in the Second Half of the 19th – early 20th Centuries"], ''Scientific Thought of Caucasus'', vol. 94, no. 47 (2023), p. 59
* 'It's Belorussian.'<br>'Come again?'<br>'Belorussia. Belorussia. Bela Rus. White Ruthenia.'<br>'What's that when it's there?' Stanton asked.<br>'That is a land of milk and honey which has never been allowed to go its way,' Ruddy Kabel explained. 'A land of plains and forests and gentle hills. ... It's east of Poland. If you want to invade Russia, as has sometimes been tried, you'll have to go through Minsk. Minsk is the capital.'
** Thomas Keneally, [https://archive.org/details/familymadness0000kene_d5v4/page/16/mode/2up ''A Family Madness''] (1985), p. 17
* Несчастная Беларусь! Добрый, покладистый, снисходительный, романтичный народ в руках такой по́гани. И пока этот народ будет дураком, так будет всегда. Отдаёт чужакам лучших своих сынов, лучших поэтов, нарекает чужаками детей своих, пророков своих, как будто очень богат. Отдаёт своих героев на дыбу, а сам сидит в клетке над миской с бульбой да брюквой и хлопает глазами.
** Unfortunate Belarus! A kind, complaisant, romantic people in the hands of rascals. And so it will always be while this nation allows itself to be made a fool of. It gives up its heroes to the rack and itself sits in a cage over a bowl of potatoes or turnips, looking blank, and understanding nothing. Much would I pay the man who at last shook off from his people’s neck this decaying gentry, these stupid parvenus, these conceited upstarts and corrupt journalists, and made the people become masters of their own fate. For that I would give all my blood.
** [[Uladzimir Karatkevich]], «Дикая охота короля Стаха» (1958), as translated by Mary Mintz, ''King Stakh’s Wild Hunt'' (1974), Ch. 4
==External links==
{{wikibooks|Wikijunior:Europe/Belarus}}
{{Wikisource|Portal:{{PAGENAME}}}}
{{wikiversity|Comparative law and justice/{{PAGENAME}}}}
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Commons-inline|Category:Belarus}}
* {{wiktionary-inline|Belarus}}
* {{wikivoyage-inline}}
[[Category:Belarus| ]]
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OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes
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'''''{{w|Lakewood Plaza Turbo: OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes}}''''', also referred to as '''''Lakewood Plaza Turbo: K.O. Let's Be Heroes''''', '''''OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes''''', '''''K.O. Let's Be Heroes''''', '''''Lakewood Plaza Turbo: OK K.O.!''''', '''''Lakewood Plaza Turbo: K.O.''''', '''''OK K.O.!''''', '''''K.O.''''', '''''Lakewood Plaza Turbo''''' or '''''Let's Be Heroes''''' for short, is an American superhero animated comedy show created by [[w:Ian_Jones-Quartey|Ian Jones-Quartey]]. It follows titular character, K.O., and his efforts to become the world's greatest hero, while working at Gar's Bodega (run by the no-nonsense Mr. Gar), a hero supply shop in the Lakewood Plaza strip mall. Alongside him are his best friends and co-workers Radicles, an apathetic, narcissistic alien, and Enid, a levelheaded big sister-like employee, as well as other heroes who work and frequent the area.
== Pilot: Lakewood Plaza Turbo ==
== [[OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes (Season 1)|Season 1]] ==
===''Let's Be Heroes'' [1.01]===
''[Rad and K.O. meet for the first time and Rad is serving K.O. some lightning nachos.]''
:'''Rad''': So, you're choosing the path of the hero, huh? I'm pretty heroic myself. Level 2, if you must know. ''[eats a chip; gets shocked by electricity]''
:'''K.O.''': Well, anyway, thanks for your help, Rad. I better check out--
:'''Rad''': Oh, so you need photographic evidence of my righteous feats?
:'''K.O.''': Not now. I believe you--
:'''Rad''': If you insist. ''[shows photos on his phone]'' Here's one of me doing my famous power belly flop on a bad guy. And here's me getting the drop on ''the'' Chip Damage. Don't worry, we're cool now. ''[accidentally shows a photo of a kitten]'' And here's me--
:'''K.O.''': Aww. Who's the kitty?
:'''Rad''': Aah! ''[embarrassed]'' Uh, uh, she's nobody! It's nothing!
''[Rad exits, racing away.]''
:'''K.O.''': What a cool guy.
----
''[An alarm goes off in the plaza, signaling the arrival of a Boxmore robot. The bodega shuts down. The doors crush one of the posters Brandon is setting up.]''
:'''Brandon''': Hey! Aw, man. It took me like an hour to paint that. This better not be another one of Gar's drills.
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Nah, those are Tuesdays. It's got to be a Boxman bot. Want to help me shoot the chaos?
''[A magic portal opens in the sky, as a Boxmore Box falls from it. The box hits the pavement, and the walls collapse to reveal a robot.]''
:'''Darrell''': I am Darrell, and I've come to destroy! ''[Starts shooting lasers, laughs maniacally.]''
:'''K.O.''': ''[waving]'' Hi Darrell, I'm K.O.! Nice to-- ''[Ducks, dodging one of Darrell's lasers.]''
''[Several people run away from Darrell's lasers.]''
:'''Darrell''': That's right! Run away, Lakewood Losers!
''[The bodega's doorbell rings as Rad and Enid exit the store.]''
:'''Rad''': (sighs) Another Boxman robot.
:'''Enid''': K.O. don't wave at him, he's evil...and a total nerd.
:'''K.O.''': Evil? I have to do something!
:'''Enid''': Whoa, hold up, you don't stand a chance against that thing.
:'''Rad''': I think he's got it.
:'''Enid''': What, you think K.O. can beat him?
:'''Rad''': Oh. Oh, no, no, no. I meant ''Darrell's'' got it. (chuckles) That kid's gonna get wrecked.
:'''K.O.''': Ha! Don't let appearances fool you. Witness the power of a true hero! ''[Jumps up into the sky.]''
:'''Darrell''': What the? ''[Spikes appear on his knuckles, as he goes in for a punch.]''
:'''K.O.''': Aah!
''[K.O. and Darrell's fists collide.]''
:'''Darrell''': (chuckles) Not bad! Where'd you get those sweet threads? The convenience store?
:'''K.O.''': Yes! In fact, I did. And I got this, too! ''[Pulls out the laser sword.]''
''[K.O. runs towards Darrell, dodging his laser beams. K.O. jumps up and cuts Darrell's arm off with a laser from the sword.]''
:'''Darrell''': Aah! No way!
:'''K.O.''': You were wrong to underestimate the power of a hero, Darrell. ''[Runs up and headbutts Darrell.]''
''[Darrell skids across the pavement.]''
:'''K.O.''': And now you're really going to get it! ''[Throws off his cape.]''
:'''Darrell''': ''[Groans, as K.O.'s cape land on him. He pulls the cape off.]'' Give it up already!
:'''K.O.''': I'll never give up, I can feel the willpower of everyone in the plaza coursing through me! ''[K.O.'s flame gauntlets activate.]'' Enough power for one final move! Get ready to feel 10,000 strikes of sweet justice, Darrell!
''[Darrell begins to tremble in fear.]''
:'''K.O.''': Ultra-flaming-evil-pulverizing-punch! Ha!
''[The scene intercuts with K.O. landing punches on Darrell and K.O. embedded in a wall.]''
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Kid. Hey, kid. Snap out of it. Come on, kid. ''[Begins lightly smacking K.O. across the face.]'' Kid, come on. Kid?
:'''K.O.''': ''[Shakes his head, mumbling as he wakes up.]'' What-- What happened?
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Geez, where do I start with this? Well, okay. See that robot over there with the cannon and the big fist? ''[Points to Darrell.]'' Well, first, you tried to block his punch. But he just knocked your flame gauntlets in your face, which knocked you out. As you fell back, you tripped over your beach towel, and fell butt-first into your lightning nachos which shocked you backwards into this here wall. Actually pretty funny.
:'''K.O.''': ''[Blushing]'' Th-That's what really happened?
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': I recorded the whole thing if you want to check it out.
''[The phone begins to play sounds of K.O. screaming and grunting, followed by splattering sounds. K.O. screams some more, and whirling sounds play.]''
:'''K.O.''': I can't believe it... ''[He sinks to the ground.]'' That fight felt so intense, but it wasn't real, just like my big dream. I thought I'd already become a hero, but all I did was wear stuff and get my butt kicked. Who am I kidding I'm not even close to being there yet...
:'''Enid''': ''[Shaking Rad, trying to wake him up.]'' Get off the ground, you stupid meatloaf.
''[A whistle is heard in the distance, and it is revealed to be Gar that was whistling.]''
:'''Enid''': Ha!
:'''Darrell''': What the?
:'''Mr. Gar''': ''[He drops down on Darrell from the sky, causing an explosion, decapitating Darrell.]'' Hmm. ''[He kicks Darrell's head toward Boxman's factory.]''
:'''Darrell''': Aah!
''[The crosswalk sign turns green, and gives off a ding.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': You two, get this mess cleaned up.
:'''Rad and Enid''': Yes, sir!
:'''Mr. Gar''': Mondays, am I right? ''[Walks off.]''
:'''Rad''': Man, Mr. Gar's pretty cool, but, like, how'd he even get up there?
:'''Enid''': He's level eleven, dude, now come on.
===''Let's Be Friends'' [1.02]===
:'''K.O.''': (Thinking) ''Man, Rad and Enid are on another level. I wanna work with them so bad, but I can't even do a cool power move. I can't give up. There must be some way I could convince them to give me another chance. Maybe if I brought them a giant cake, or if I let them hold my rarest Pow cards. Maybe if I wore a baseball cap backwards.'' ''[He pictures these scenarios in the clouds]''
''[Shannon appears before him with a poor disguise.]''
:'''Shannon''': Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice your unemployment. You know these days if you wanna work at a place like Gar's, you gotta do something really special.
:'''K.O.''': (Disappointed) A résumé.
:'''Shannon''': No, no, no, no. I'm talking something like... infiltrating Lord Boxman's lair and maybe, like, defeating him all by yourself.
:'''K.O.''': That's a good idea, so good that Rad and Enid will have to hire me and be my friends. ''[runs towards Boxmore]'' Thanks for the help, ominous stranger! You're the best!
:'''Shannon''': Ch'yeah, obviously. (laughs evilly)
===''You're Everybody's Sidekick'' [1.03]===
''[It's K.O.'s first day working at Gar's Bodega and he excitedly reports to Enid.]''
:'''K.O.''': Helper K.O., reporting for duty!
:'''Enid''': (chuckles) At ease, soldier. Helper K.O.! Your first mission... ''[K.O.'s eyes widen]'' here at Gar's is to...clean up the store. ''[Enid points to the closet full of cleaning equipment, with a sign on top that says "8 WAYS OF CLEANSING"]''
:'''K.O.''': Wow! The ancient tools of the cleaning the floor! ''[K.O. stares in awe]''
:'''Enid''': Now go! And save the bodega from the forces of dirt or something. ''[K.O. dashes off and suits up in an armor of cleaning supplies.]''
:'''K.O.''': Dirt, today you breathe your last filthy breath! I swear on the honor of the bodega, I will vanquish you!
''[K.O. speeds through sweeping and cleaning through the aisle. Enid watches as Ginger appears at her desk.]''
:'''Ginger''': Dearie, can I pay for this in thousands of pennies?
''[Not wanting to answer the customer, Enid disappears and a log takes her place.]''
:'''K.O.''': (laughs mischievously) Enid, Enid, Enid! All done! Anything else I can help you with?
:'''Enid''': Hmm. Ah! Sort through this penny dish... ''[pushes the penny dish to K.O.]'' and take out everything that isn't a penny. ''[K.O. looks inside the dish and sees a pen, a baseball, a throwing star, a teapot, and and onion with a face. He gasps and starts picking out things.]'' Boy, you sure love helping people, don't ya buddy?
:'''K.O.''': Well, sure! It's my job. And isn't that how everyone feels?
:'''Enid''': ''[with a quizzical expression]'' Help people...? Nope, not for me. Too much work, too little payoff. I'm good with just helping myself.
''[K.O. looks down for a moment before standing up and inhales deeply.]''
:'''K.O.''': Enid, I am going to help you!!
:'''Enid''': ''[jumped by K.O.]'' Ah! Excuse me?
:'''K.O.''': ''[As he stands proudly]'' As an official helper of Gar's Bodega, I am going to help you see how great it is to help people!
''[There's a small pause as Enid stares at K.O.]''
:'''Enid''': You'll never melt my icy heart.
:'''K.O.''': We'll just see about that! ''[K.O. runs off to help people.]'' Gotta be helpful! Gotta be helpful! (pants)
===''We Messed Up'' [1.04]===
''[K.O., Rad, and Enid have just snuck into Mr. Gar's office and accidentally destroyed a photo he had of Carol. The trio shudder after imagining what will happen if Mr. Gar finds out.]''
:'''K.O.''': On second thought, why don't you two distract Mr. Gar while I try to get my mom to recreate this photo?
:'''Rad and Enid''': Hmm!
''[Rad gives Enid a boost to dunk K.O. into a vent.]''
:'''Enid''': Dah!
''[Rad and Enid exits Mr. Gar's office quickly.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': Radicles, Enid, any particular reason you're loitering so close to my office?
:'''Enid''': We...
:'''Rad''': Uh...
:'''Enid''': ...were, uh...
:'''Rad''': Practicing a new dance!
:'''Mr. Gar''': Oh, really? Let me see it.
''[K.O. is crawling inside the vents.]''
:'''K.O.''': ''[Thinking] Mr. Gar has a photo of my mom. I have so many questions, like what, when, why, and huh? But I don't have time for that. I've got to get this photo remade.''
''[Transitions to the Fitness Dojo.]''
:'''Carol''': And one and two and punch!
''[K.O. comes out from the vent and the cover hits Ginger.]''
:'''K.O.''': Mom! Mom, I need you to be young and hot again!
:'''Carol''': (chuckles nervously) Let's go ahead and take five, girls. ''[Gertie and Gladys leaves the Dojo.]''
----
''[Enid and Rad are doing a dance in front of Mr. Gar to keep him distracted.]''
:'''Enid and Rad''': Ta-da! (Both panting, chuckling nervously)
''[They sweat in anticipation of Mr. Gar's response.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': (groans) I give it a 7.5.
:'''Rad''': 7.5?!
:'''Mr. Gar''': Now, if you'll excuse me.
''[Enid pushes Rad off to the side.]''
:'''Rad''': Aah!
:'''Enid''': Mr. Gar, wait! Hey, I, uh, saw someone in the magazine aisle for like 20 minutes.
:'''Mr. Gar''': A cheapskate?!
''[Transitions to the Fitness Dojo with Carol finding her outfit.]''
:'''Carol''': Mm. Ha! Here it is. But I don't think it's gonna fit, K.O. Bleh!
:'''K.O.''': But we got to get that pic!
:'''Carol''': Hmm. Mama's got an idea.
''[Transitions to Gar's Hero Supply & Bodega with Mr. Gar grabbing Crinkly Wrinkly.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': If you want to read monster truck books for free, then go to the library!
''[He throws Crinkly Wrinkly through a space in the ceiling and is shot from the Cheapskate Cannon on the roof.]''
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': Eee! (screams)
''[The scene displays a shot of jail, but instead, he lands in the library.]''
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': Books!
:'''Unknown person''': Shh!
''[Transitions back to Gar's Hero Supply & Bodega.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': I will not have no tightwads in no store of mine. No, sir. Where was I? Oh, yes. Back to my perfect office.
:'''Rad''': Mr. Gar! Mr. Gar! I... forgot.. how to... mop? ''[grabs a mop]'' Please, oh, please, teach me how. ''[He scrapes the floor with the mop.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': Mm.
===''Jethro's All Yours'' [1.05]===
:'''K.O.''': My first solo mission-- another step on my heroic journey. I’ll earn Rad and Enid’s trust by destroying Boxman’s powerful robot and make everyone proud-- especially Mommy. All right, Jethro. You asked for it, and now you’re gonna get it.
:'''Jethro''': I am Jethro.
:'''K.O.''': Not for long.
''[K.O. returns to catch Jethro, kicks him high in the air and jumps. K.O. repeatedly fights Jethro until he dismantles it and lands on the ground.]''
:'''K.O.''': (laughs) And so my journey continues. Huh? ''[An army of Jethros comes towards him]'' Brought your friends this time, eh?
:'''Jethros''': I am Jethro. I am Jethro. I am Jethro.
:'''K.O.''': Wait, so you’re all Jethro? That doesn’t make sense! ''[Enrages then starting running to the army of Jethros and destroys them one-by-one]'' Whew! I didn’t realize becoming a hero meant sweating so much. Oh, well. Jethro, and Jethro, and Jethro and the other two Jethros are now gone. Forever. ''[A bigger version of Jethro approaches]''
:'''Jethro''': I am Jethro.
''[K.O. looks unamused, then Jethro rolls over and crushes a car.]''
:'''Brandon''': My mom’s car! Aah! It’s totaled, man. She’s gonna kill me.
:'''K.O.''': I don’t get it. He just keeps coming. ''[A thought bubble with Rad pops up.]''
:'''Rad''': Jethro’s perfect for you. He’s simple, and you’re simple. Simple, simple, simple.
:'''K.O.''': ''[Crumbles up the thought bubble]'' I’ll show you simple, you meanie. ''[Throws the crumble at Jethro]''
:'''Jethro''': I am Jethro.
:'''K.O.''': (sighs) Not for long. ''[K.O. is about to fight Jethro. Suddenly envisions himself as Jethro. K.O. feels that he can’t fight Jethro and stops his position]'' I just can’t do it.
:'''Jethro''': I am Jethro.
:'''K.O.''': Do you know what my friend Rad says about us? That we’re simple.
:'''Jethro''': I am Jethro.
:'''K.O.''': Is that how Lord Boxman treats you? Like you’re some dumb kid? Like you’re not worth anything? Do people underestimate you, too?
:'''Jethro''': I am Jethro.
:'''K.O.''': Well, I am K.O.. And maybe Rad was right. You and I are a lot alike. So I don’t think I can’t clobber you. ''[Once Jethro meets K.O.’s foot, he suddenly falls apart.]'' Poop.
----
''[Outside of the plaza, birds are flying away. Joff, A Real Magic Skeleton, Nick Army, Punching Judy, and Crinkly Wrinkly turn around in shock and run away from Mega-Jethro when he runs over multiple cars.]''
:'''Joff, A Real Magic Skeleton, Nick Army, Punching Judy, and Crinkly Wrinkly''': Oh!
:'''Brandon''': My dad’s car! ''[Runs off to it]''
''[Enid, K.O., and Rad run out of the store to see Mega-Jethro approaching the store.]''
:'''Mega Jethro''': I am Mega-Jethro.
:'''Enid''': Bye. ''[goes back in the store, unamused]''
:'''K.O.''': See, I told you. Jethro’s a way-more complicated enemy than you thought.
:'''Rad''': Pfft, child’s play. It’s Jethro. He’s still simple, and you’re still simple. ''[K.O. is angry at him]'' I’m so sure of it, I’ll tag along with you 'cause the only thing I love more than being proved right is proving other people wrong.
:'''Mega Jethro''': I am Mega-Jethro.
''[K.O. and Rad runs towards to Mega-Jethro.]''
:'''K.O.''': Jethro, don’t do this! You’ve got to stop!
:'''Mega Jethro''': I am Mega-Jethro.
:'''K.O.''': Oh, sorry. Mega-Jeth-- Mega-Jethro, don’t do this! You’ve got to stop!
----
''[K.O. and Rad enter the pupil opening in Mega-Jethro and it’s revealed that the inside is nothing more than a light source and a switch.]''
:'''Rad''': (laughs) Looks just like your head, K.O..
:'''K.O.''': You-- You shouldn’t underestimate us! I mean him. There’s probably a super-tough puzzle we need to solve to get…
''[Rad pulls the switch. Rad and K.O. bounce all over the place as a result.]''
:'''Rad and K.O.''': Oh! Ahh! Ow! Aah!
''[Mega-Jethro continues to approach the store, but at the moment he touches a piece of the store, a beeping noise is heard and he moves backwards now. Inside the store, Enid still continues to listen to her music and rolls her eyes at what’s going on out there.]''
:'''Brandon''': ''[examining his dad’s smashed car]'' Well, this doesn’t seem too bad. Yeah, it’s gonna be okay. I can totally fix this.
''[Mega-Jethro smashes the car again. A tear drops from Brandon's eye.]''
:'''Rad''': Sweet, we’re moving away from the plaza now. Let’s bounce, squirt. Uh, squirt? Squirt!
:'''K.O.''': Oh. Coming!
''[Rad and K.O. jump out of Mega-Jethro. The next scene shows Lord Boxman drinking a cup of tea and the sound waves coming off from Mega-Jethro result in him losing grip of his teacup, spilling on his lab coat.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': Gah! Blast! What is happening out there? ''[Turns around and sees Mega-Jethro approaching close to his factory]'' Poop. ''[Mega-Jethro makes an impact with the factory, setting off an explosion.]''
:'''Rad''': Too easy.
===''You're Level 100'' [1.06]===
''[K.O. has become popular, because of his Pow Card, which says he is level 100. The scene cuts to the Action News 52 opening scene.]''
:'''Announcer''': This is Action News 52, bringing you your daily dose of action news!
''[The Action News 52 truck appears, falls off a cliff and lands on a car.]''
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': ''[Kicks a door out]'' Action! Hup! This is Dynamite Watkins, comin’ at you live in the heart of the neutral zone. We’re here in front of Gar’s bodega, where a crowd has gathered to see the newcomer hero with a power level of 100. You heard me, level 100! And here is the famed hero himself, K.O.! How does it feel being the most powerful being in the plaza-- possibly the world!
:'''K.O.''': Well, I always knew I would be a great hero some day, but I didn’t think it would happen after only a week! Guess I’m just that good!
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': And how do your friends and family feel about this newfound power of yours?
:'''Enid''': ''[Enid and Rad tries to get in the way]'' Make way, coming though! Move it, jerk! Not to brag, but me and K.O. go way back to the beginning of the week. N.B.D.
:'''Rad''': And I sort of act as K.O.’s best friend/life coach/older brother figure. We’re really close.
:'''Potato''': K.O.! Can i have your autograph?!
:'''K.O.''': Ha, sure kid. ''[Signs Potato’s book]'' [Thinking] Wow, being level 100 is so cool. ''[Signs another book]'' Everyone loves me and I feel so important! ''[Signs Brandon’s arm]'' I can’t wait to put my amazing skills to the test and some dastardly foe! ''[Signs another book]'' And who should I make this out to?
:'''Lord Boxman''': Lord Boxman.
:'''K.O.''': ''[Continues to sign]'' Lord… Boxm-- Lord Boxman!
''[Lord Boxman is shown behind his floating desk.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': So, you’re the little twerp claiming to be level 100. Ha! Impossible!
:'''K.O.''': Oh, yeah? If I weren’t a level 100, how else would i have kicked your butt all week?
:'''Lord Boxman''': Well, that was… on purpose! I lost to you on purpose, yes, as a… as a prank on you! So… ha! Anyway, ''[pulls out a remote]'' today I have something specially prepared that only a true level 100 hero could handle. Much stronger than anything you’ve yet faced. ''[A Boxmore box falls from the sky, revealing a giant Darrell.]'' Say hello to my latest creation. I call him, Big Darrell. I’ve upped him to be level negative 100! Ba-ha-ha!
:'''Crowd''': Oh! This is bad!
:'''Enid''': K.O., this thing is really powerful. Yeah bud, maybe we should call Mr.-- mph!
:'''K.O.''': ''[Shoves his Pow Card to Rad’s mouth]'' Heh. Trust me, guys, this will be easy for a level 100 like me. Just try not to get in the way. you really think this bucket of bolts will be able to stop me? Heh. i stomped you once and I’ll stomp you again, Lord Buttman!
:'''Crowd''': K.O.! K.O.! K.O.! K.O.!
''[Enid and Rad look at each other worriedly.]''
===''SIbling Rivalry'' [1.07]===
''[Shannon and Darrell come flying through the ceiling of Boxmore after being defeated by K.O., Read, and Enid and land before Boxman, sitting on his throne.]''
:'''Shannon and Darrell''': We're sorry, Father! We tried!
:'''Lord Boxman''': Ah, yes. Tried. Tried and failed-- for the last time!
:'''Darrell''': Oh, I bet we could fail way more times.
:'''Shannon''': Quiet!
''[Shannon punches Darrell.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': You do not need to try. You need to do! (sighs) I knew you two would fail me again today. So I created a new robot to succeed where you never could! Say hello to Raymond!
''[Boxman presses a button and a door opens, where a robot comes out.]''
:'''Raymond''': (laughs) Here comes... the player of the year!
''[Raymond makes a show off presentation with sports balls.]''
:'''Shannon''': Already hate him.
:'''Raymond''': Hello, dearest brother and sister. Care for a friendly game of ball?
:'''Shannon''': No, thanks.
:'''Darrell''': Oh, I'm open!
''[Raymond hits Darrell with a ball, that bounces between him and Shannon, knocking both out.]''
:'''Raymond''': Of course, there is no game to be played, when there is just one player.
:'''Lord Boxman''': Brilliant introduction, Raymond! So very rude!
:'''Raymond''': Thank you, Coach Boxman. Of course it was brilliant! You are, after all, the master engineer behind this vessel of pure athleticism.
''[Raymond show Lord Boxman a rose and he jumps around excitedly.]''
:'''Shannon''':Totally just parlor tricks of a slimy amateur clown.
:'''Raymond''': Father, I will make you proud by stealing a letter from the Gar's Bodega sign. Then no one will know they're a store. Their profits will plummet, and with that, they forfeit the business game.
:'''Lord Boxman''': I love it!
''[Shannon and Darrell gasp in surprise.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': Raymond, you're my favorite. I've always loved you. And I wish you two could be more like him.
''[Shannon and Darrell roll out of scene in pain.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': Let us go, Raymond, and equip you with strong weapons.
:'''Raymond''': (laughs) Yes! Hole in one.
''[Shannon and Darrell are shown in graves and pop out of them.]''
:'''Shannon''': This is all your fault, glass brain! Now Father hates me.
:'''Darrell''': Oh, yeah, right! He hates me more. But he loves Raymond so much more than both of us.
:'''Shannon''': Raymond is gonna fail anyways. But he won't fail as spectacularly as you!
:'''Darrell''': Say that again, you orange mushroom head!
''[Shannon and Darrell slap each other.]''
===''I Am Dendy'' [1.08]===
''[K.O. is helping Dendy, a shy kappa girl from his class, find the parts needed to repair her hack-pack. They arrive at an arcade.]''
:'''K.O.''': Here we are!
:'''Dendy''': A token machine?
:'''K.O.''': We’re just .25 technos away from your cotton pooter disc. Lemme just grab a coin! ''[While opening his pocket, some moths fly out.]'' No! My moth collection! No, come back! ''[Dendy opens the back of the token machine.]'' Uhh! ''[Catches the moth]'' Gotcha, you little scamp! Guess we’ll need another way-- ''[Dendy moves a wire.]'' Dendy? Dendy?! ''[Tokens start spewing out of the machine.]'' Whoa, guess we didn’t need coins after all.
:'''Dendy''': These tokens should meet our needs.
:'''K.O.''': You’re always a step ahead of people, huh?
:'''Dendy''': I do walk quickly, yes.
:'''K.O.''': No, I mean, like, you kinda just do things in your own way. It’s kinda weird! But it’s kinda really cool, too?
:'''Dendy''': ''[Smiles]'' Now, the final item I need is a glorb. ''[Shows hologram]'' The simplest course of action would be to return to the roboto barber, tear open his interior circuits and extract it by force.
:'''K.O.''': Whoa, wait! You can’t hurt Mr. Logic!
:'''Dendy''': Oh, but how do we acquire a glorb without a robot?
:'''K.O.''': Well, we fight a ton of bad robots around here, and after, we toss ‘em in an alley out back!
:'''Dendy''': Hmm. Very well. To the alloy!
:'''K.O.''': Alley.
:'''Dendy''': To the alley!
Ok crying
===''Do You Have Any More in the Back?'' [1.09]===
''[Rad is leading K.O. and Enid through the maze-like back room of the store and have gotten lost.]''
:'''K.O.''': I can’t even tell what direction we started from!
:'''Rad''': You don’t gotta worry about that with me guiding ya! ''[Passes through vines]'' Watch your head.
:'''K.O.''': Oh. (chuckles)
:'''Enid''': Uh, vines? Rad, are you sure this is the right-- Hey! Check out these Gloops!
''[Gloops, small blob-like creatures, are slithering on the ground.]''
:'''K.O.''': Weird!
:'''Enid''': Hey, Rad, is it okay to touch these things?!
:'''Rad''': Sure.
''[Enid pokes a Gloop with a stick and the stick instantly disintegrates.] ''
:'''Enid''': Ooh! (screams) What the heck, dude?! I almost lost my favorite hand!
:'''Rad''': Oh! I thought you meant, uh, emotionally touch-- like tell it a sad story or something. Yeah, you shouldn’t physically touch these things.
:'''K.O.''': Wow! Rad really knows his stuff!
===''My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad!'' [1.10]===
''[K.O. is looking at the food at Burrito Beardo’s and is drooling.]''
:'''Beardo''': All right, all right, all right. ''[Starts handing the food to the customers]'' We got one order of the Joe and Macaroni, one Sypros Platter, and one Gnocchi Gnocchi Panic.
''[The customers receive their food and head off.]''
:'''K.O.''': Man, it all looks so delicious.
''[Rad eats his Dragon Dragon Burrito.]''
:'''Rad''': I recommend the Dragon Dragon Burrito. ''[Burps out dragons]''
:'''K.O.''': (laughs) I really want to try that, but the burgs and potato wedges also look really good. Hmm.
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': (clears throat)
''[K.O. turns around to see the Lizard Gang waiting in line. Chameleon Jr. looks at his watch and sighs. The titlecard appears.]''
:'''K.O.''': So, wedges, I think. Oh, maybe--
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': (clears throat loudly) Hmph! Take your time. It’s cool. It’s not like anybody is waiting.
:'''K.O.''': Ah, thank goodness. I was worried I was taking too long.
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': Great. We got a real genius here.
''[The Lizard Gang laughs]''
:'''K.O.''': Aww! Thanks for the compliment.
''[The Lizard Gang laughs again]''
:'''Rad''': Dude, K.O., you’re not getting complimented. You’re getting zinged.
:'''K.O.''': (gasps) What? No! What should I do?
:'''Rad''': Zing him back. A true hero never backs down. They fight fire… ''[Eats the burrito and breathes fires]'' with fire.
:'''K.O.''': Even firefighters?
:'''Rad''': Yes. They use blowtorches.
''[K.O. faces the Lizard Gang and one of them taps Chameleon Jr. to look at him.]''
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': (chuckles) What are you looking at, neeeeeeeeeeeeerd? ''[The NERD text shoots out from his mouth while K.O. dodges it.]'' (laughs)
:'''K.O.''': Well, it takes one to know one! ''[K.O. shoots out text from his mouth hitting Chameleon Jr.]''
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': Oh yeah? ''[Shouts out text once more]''
:'''K.O.''': ''[Punches the YEAH text]'' Yeeeeeaaah! ''[The Yeah text pushes Chameleon’s Jr.’s gang.]'' (sighs)
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': (growls) Oh, it’s on, now. I challenge you to a clash of fists!
:'''K.O.''': Bring on the fire, jerko. I’ll torch you like a creme brulee.
:'''Beardo''': (laughs)
:'''Rad''': Nice.
:'''Chameleon Jr.''' (growls) Have a taste of my sticky tongue. ''[K.O. dodges his sticky tongue,and it gets stuck on Beardo’s truck.]'' Ohhhhhhh. Oof! ''[His tongue unsticks and slaps him in the face, turning him pink.]''
:'''Rad, Beardo, and K.O.''': (laughs)
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': (growls) Well, m-m-my dad can beat up your dad!
:'''K.O.''': (laughs) Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can… My dad can… I don’t have a dad.
''[Beardo laughs and stops while Rad coughs on his burrito.]''
:'''K.O.''': But I have a mom that can beat up anybody!
:'''Beardo''': Whew.
:'''Chameleon Jr.''': Then it’s on. 3:00 sharp, roof of the plaza.
:'''K.O.''': We’ll be there. My mom is gonna love this.
''[The scene cuts to Carol.]''
:'''Carol''': I hate this, K.O.. I am very disappointed in you. You’re grounded.
===''You Get Me'' [1.11]===
''[Enid has been turned to stone and K.O. has told Rad and Mr. Gar about it. Unfortunately, they don't see anything wrong with her.]''
:'''K.O.''': [thinking] They didn't realize Enid's been turned to stone! Why? (gasps) Could it be that I'm the only one that gets her after all? Alright, this is my change to prove that I can be an Enid-getter, and a go-getter! Time to get help, and turn her back to normal.
''[Scene cuts to Dendy running some tests on Enid.]''
:'''K.O.''': Thanks again for coming, Dendy. I just knew that I could count on you to have some super-smart way to get to the bottom of this!
:'''Dendy''': It is my pleasure, K.O. I will metaphorically leave no stone unturned.
:'''K.O.''': (laughs) And literally, too, right?
:'''Dendy''': What? Ooo, oooh, the results are printing. Hmm... Mmm-hmm... Mmm-hm. Well, K.O, it would appear as if your friend has been turned into steatite.
:'''K.O.''': Huh?
:'''Dendy''': It is also known as soapstone. It is commonly used by novice sculptors to practice carving techniques because of its relative softness.
:'''K.O.''': I know that! I mean, I didn't know what kind of a rock, and that is super interesting, but what I was rally hoping for was to turn her back from rock to person.
:'''Dendy''': Ohhhh... I don't really do... that.
:'''K.O.''': Noooo! I can't help her. And no one else thinks they need to help her. How is she ever going to come back?
:'''Dendy''': I don't know anything about Enid's predicament. Or giving emotional counsel. I am sorry K.O. See you at school tomorrow!
===''You Are Rad'' [1.12]===
''[Rad has accused K.O. of trying to impersonate him, so Rad gives him a series of challenges to prove to everyone that K.O. isn't the real Rad. It's now down to the final challenge, a rap battle.]''
:'''K.O.''': Rap battle? Are we supposed to punch each other with rhymes?
:'''Rad''': More or less. Gimme a beat, Enid!
:'''Enid''': No, thanks.
:'''Rad''': Aw, man, come on.
:'''Enid''': (sighs) Fine. ''[Puts on her DJ outfit and flips the counter to her DJ set. Plays music.]''
:'''Rad''': Yeah, I can work with that. All right, imposter, get ready, ‘cause this ends here.
''[Rapping]''
:♪Ohh, I’m the extraterrestrial, emphasis on extra♪
:♪My skin is blue because I come from Planet X, bruh♪
:♪If you step on this, you gonna get creamed♪
:♪If you outta line, you gonna get laser beamed♪
:♪Arms ripped, afro poofy♪
:♪Ears tipped, you goofy♪
:♪Liftin’ and pumpin’ and crushin’ the weights♪
:♪Don’t be surprised when I thrash you♪
:♪Movin’ and settin’ and stackin’ the crates♪
''[Uses his powers to move the crates]''
:♪And you ain’t nothin’ but trash, do♪
''[Throws K.O. into the crate “trash”]''
:♪You lookin’ foolish♪
:♪You ain’t the real me♪
:♪I am the true Rad♪
:♪I know you feel me♪
:♪He is Radicles♪
:♪Ain’t nobody ever wanna mess with me♪
:♪I said he is Radicles♪
:♪I ain’t got time for no identity thief♪
''[Drops mic]''
:'''Enid''': Hey! Careful with my gear!
:'''Rad''': ''[Picks up mic]'' Sorry, Enid.
:'''Enid''': That’s right you are.
:'''K.O.''': Uh, Enid, do you know “Wash Your Hands”?
:'''Enid''': I’ll see what I can do, K.O.. Knock em dead! ''[Replaces a disk with a new one. Plays a new song.]''
:'''K.O.''': Oh, cool. All right, here goes nothin’.
''[Rapping]''
:♪Well, I’m Radicles and I’m here to say♪
:♪I learned a lot about myself today♪
''[Takes out notepad]''
:♪I’m a yoga guy with a yoga mat♪
:♪Don’t believe it, ask the kids I babysat♪
:♪Sharks and bees ain’t where it’s at♪
:♪I rather snuggle up with a kitty cat♪
:♪I like to burp and I like to toot♪
:♪But deep inside, I’m really cute♪
:♪Wash your hands, wash your hands♪
:♪It’s a good idea to wash your hands♪
:'''Drupe''': (snickers)
:'''K.O.''': ♪Lather ‘em up with a little bit of soap♪
:♪Wash your hands, don’t be a dope♪
:'''Rad''': ''[Grabs mic from K.O.]'' Listen, imposter. I don’t babysit or do yoga, and I definitely don’t like snuggling kittens.
:'''K.O.''': I don’t understand. That all seems like cool stuff to me.
:'''Rad''': But Rad would never find that stuff cool. And even if he did, Rad wouldn’t be ready to share those things about himself. If you really were Rad, you’d know that.
:'''K.O.''': Oh. Gah! You got me! All that stuff I rapped about was lies. I was, uh, trying to embarrass you. Yeah. Isn’t that what rapping battles are all about?
:'''Rad''': I guess. Uh, yeah! Yeah, you’re right!
:'''K.O.''': Well, I guess my little plan didn’t work. You’re the real Rad-- ''[Hands name tag to Rad and puts it on]'' tough, cool, and totally one-dimensional.
:'''Enid''': ''[Record scratches]'' All right, I’m bored. Everybody out. ''[Her DJ set turns back to a counter; she changes her outfit and listens to her music.]''
===''Just Be a Pebble'' [1.13]===
''[At Gar's Hero Supply & Bodega, K.O. is struggling to put a box on the shelf. Rad passes by with a forklift and stops.]''
:'''K.O.''': (groans, sighs) Rad, I'm too small!
:'''Rad''': Why not try some of this candy? ''[Throws the candy to K.O.]'' Just got 'em in. Check out the wrapper. ''[K.O. catches the candy]'' It's a little guy turning into a big guy. So they'll probably make you big.
:'''K.O.''': Big?
:'''Rad''': Not that I ever need that junk, though. (chuckles) 'Cause I'm so huge already.
:'''K.O.''': I trust you, big friend! ''[Eats the candy]''
''[Nothing happens.]''
:'''Rad''': Well, that was a du--.
''[K.O. grows into the same height as Rad.]''
:'''K.O.''': Whoo! ''[Picks up the box and places it on the shelf.]'' Wow, just like that.
:'''Rad''': I can't believe that actually worked. ''[Leaves]''
:'''K.O.''': This is perfect. So maybe I'm not a Gargantuan, but I'm definitely more than Megahugeman. And that's good enough for me. ''[Looks at the packages of the candy.]''
:'''Rad''': ''[Reads a magazine and gets startled of K.O.'s growing limbs]'' Aah!
:'''Enid''': ''[On her phone and also gets startled of K.O.'s growing limbs]'' Aah! Rad, what the heck is going...? K.O.? ''[K.O. grows to become a giant and eventually damages the roof of the store.]'' Whoa. I am not cleaning this up.
:'''K.O.'''; ''[Waves at Enid]'' Hi, Enid, I'm big now! ''[A pteradactyl slams onto his hand.]'' Whoops! (blows) ''[Pteradactyl squawks]'' Sorry!
:'''Rad''': Looking good, buddy!
:'''Enid''': He may look good, but we won't when Mr. Gar sees his store is destroyed.
:'''Rad''': Oh, good point. Never mind, K.O. You look like crud!
:'''Enid''': ''[Covers Rad's mouth with her hand]'' K.O., why are you so big?
:'''K.O.''': (chuckles) I ate some of this weird candy. ''[Drops a bunch of candy.]'' Green ones make you big.
:'''Enid''': Uh, is there one that can make you small again?
:'''Rad''': Yeah. I don't know about that. None of these look super-promising.
:'''K.O.''': Don't worry, guys. I won't be needing to get small again. That's the old K.O. Now I'm finally what I've wanted to be ever since I was little-- just this morning-- ''[Stretches his arms and jumps up and damage the roof once more.]'' Huge!
===''Presenting Joe Cuppa'' [1.14]===
''[K.O. is helping Joe Cuppa, a washed up comedian, regain his confidence by working alongside him in the bodega. But, Joe is discouraged.]''
:'''K.O.''': Yeah, maybe working here isn’t the right thing to help you right now.
:'''Joe Cuppa''': ''[His work vest disappears with flames]'' Oh. ''[Alarm goes off]'' Huh? What’s going on?!
:'''K.O.''': ''[carries Joe Cuppa]'' You’re gonna love this! Nothing cheers me up more than beating up bad guys! ''[Throws him out the window.]''
''[Rad, K.O., and Enid exit and prepare to battle.]''
:'''Enid''': Psst, Joe. Prepare to intimidate.
''[Joe is shown wearing only underwear lying on the ground.]''
:'''Joe Cuppa''': Like this? (chuckles)
:'''Enid''': Intimidate not intimate!
''[A Boxmore box drops on the ground, marked "Shannon 2.0". It opens up to reveal Shannon. She gets off her throne.]''
:'''Shannon''': Welcome, plazoids! It’s me-- Shannon!
:'''Enid''': Yeah, we know it’s you, Shannon.
:'''Rad''': You can’t say welcome! You came here! Plus , you’re not welcome, like, at all. Go away.
:'''Shannon''': ''[chuckles]'' I’m welcoming you… ''[releases her weapons]'' TO YOUR DEMISE!
:'''Joe Cuppa''': Whoa! Would you look at the time.
:'''Shannon''': ''[Holds her blade in front of Joe Cuppa]'' Hold up! Is this a new addition to your little ensemble? ''[Stretches her head out]'' Looks a little… ''pathetique.'' ''[Joe Cuppa whimpers]'' He fits right in! ''[transforms into a hammer and smashes the ground.]''
:'''Enid, K.O., and Rad''': Whoa! ''[Joe Cuppa fell to the ground with coffee spilled.]'' Joe?!
:'''Shannon''': Hold that pose! ''[takes pictures]'' I gotta show H.Q. how hard I am crushing you right now.
:'''Joe Cuppa''': ''[sighs]'' Listen, guys, I’m just your average Joe. I ain’t got powers like you. I’m no hero, that’s for sure.
:'''Rad''': No powers?! Pfff! ''[looks into Joe Cuppa’s head.]'' There’s gotta be something in th-- ''[finds a mouth and screams]'' Oh, ''that’s'' where your mouth is! That’s super disgusting!
===''We've Got Pests'' [1.15]===
{{Section-stub}}
===''Legends of Mr. Gar'' [1.16]===
''[Darrell is shown spray painting the words "smells bad" under the Lakewood Plaza Turbo sign, so it reads "Lakewood Plaza Turbo smells bad".]''
:'''Darrell''': (laughs maniacally)
:'''Enid''': You're going down, Darrell!
''[Darrell is thrown off of his ladder and falls to the ground. K.O., Rad, Enid, and Mr. Gar surround him.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': You've messed with the plaza for the last time, bucket of bolts! And you can send that message to Lord Boxman!
:'''Enid''': First class!
:'''Rad''': Signed, sealed, and delivered!
:'''K.O.''': Yeah! In an envelope!
''[K.O. puts an envelope in a mailbox and then it shoots it out in Darrell's face.]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': Thanks for the backup on that trash talk, team.
----
''[After Mr. Gar has defeated Darrell, K.O., Rad, and Enid are laying on their backs in amazement at the battle.]''
:'''K.O.''': Our boss is the dang coolest.
:'''Rad''': Uh huh.
:'''Enid''': Totally.
:'''Mr. Gar''': Don't just lay there impressed! Drop and give me twenty!
''[The trio is thrown on their heads by Mr. Gar's voice and fall back.]''
:'''K.O.''': Uh, twenty whats, sir?
:'''Mr. Gar''': Twenty...everything!
''[K.O., Rad, and Enid start doing various exercises]''
:'''K.O., Rad, and Enid''': 1, 2. 1, 2. 1, 2...
''[Mr. Gar stares on, impressed]''
----
''[In Enid's flashback of her first day of work, Mr. Gar has just heard a customer's complaint and is showing Enid how to deal with him.]''
:'''Enid''': M-Mr. Gar, I--
:'''Mr. Gar''': Enid, I'm gonna teach you a very important lesson.
:'''Skateboard Nerd''': (chuckles) Yeah! That the customer is always-- Huh?
''[Mr. Gar suddenly grabs the Skateboard Nerd and holds him up to his face]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': '''''We're all out of wheel polish!! Sorry we can't help you!! Thank you for shopping at Gar's!!'''''
''[Enid is shown with her mouth open in shock]''
----
''[Crinkly Wrinkly just finished telling K.O., Rad, and Enid a far-fetched tale about Mr. Gar]''
:'''Enid''': Well, that was a bunch of drivel.
:'''Rad''': Obviously a fabrication.
:'''K.O.''': Ha! Amazing!
:'''Enid''': K.O., you probably shouldn't listen to Crinkly Wrinkly.
:'''K.O.''': Why's that?
:'''Enid''': (points off-screen) Well...
''[Crinkly Wrinkly is shown looking at himself in a mirror, mistaking his reflection for another person]''
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': Who's that?! You got a cane just like mine! (chuckles)
===''Know Your Mom'' [1.17]===
{{Section-stub}}
===''We're Captured'' [1.18]===
''[Lord Boxman has K.O., Rad, and Enid suspended above a lava pit in his factory. He is also trying to have dinner with Professor Venomous and is at odds at what to do with the trio.]''
:'''K.O.''': So, you're gonna let us go?
''[Him and his friends smile hopefully]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': No. I'm just gonna have to wait until after dinner, like a mint-- a punish-mint.
''[Shannon is heard singing a song to entertain Professor Venomous and Fink.]''
:'''Shannon''': ♪When you're climbing up a ladder♪
:♪And you feel a little splatter, dia--♪
:'''Lord Boxman''': Nooooo!! ''[runs off to stop her]''
----
''[Lord Boxman, Professor Venomous, and Fink are sitting down for dinner. Fink pokes at her burnt food.]''
:'''Professor Venomous''': Don't play with your food.
:'''Fink''': (growls) But it tastes like foo foo!
:'''Lord Boxman''': (laughs nervously) I think it's time for a toast. To the loveliest and most bestest client in the whole wide world-- Professor Venomous!
''[Fink holds up a sign depicting an ear of corn, meaning that Boxman's speech is corny.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': Whose mastery of bio-engineering is unparalleled and-- ''[Darrell suddenly appears at the table wearing a sailor suit.]'' and a true inspiration to-- Get out of here, Darrell!! (chuckles nervously)
----
:'''Professor Venomous''': You had better have a good explanation for this.
:'''Fink''': Yeah! Coconut cream?! What were you thinking?!
:'''Lord Boxman''': Professor, I-I— I… Ooooohh! I’ll destroy those brats for ruining dessert!
:'''Shannon''': Oh! Are we destroying brats?
:'''Darrell''': Are having dessert? [A pie is thrown at him] Ugh! [Lord Boxman catches him] Thanks, Dad. [Lord Boxman bends him] Ooh!
''[Shannon laughs as Lord Boxman takes her arm one by one. K.O., Enid, and Rad continues throwing pies as Lord Boxman builts a cannon. He catches the pies]''
:'''Enid''': Uh, guys, we’re tapped.
:'''Lord Boxman''': [Rips his coat and shirt and puts his tie around his head] And now you’re trapped! [Fires the pies which pelts the gang]
:'''Enid''': Ugh!
:'''Professor Venomous''': Boxman!
:'''Lord Boxman''': Oh! Professor, please! I-I can explain! I can explain! I can— I can— Okay, I can’t explain. But this was not the way it was supposed—
:'''Professor Venomous''': [Covers his mouth] May I?
:'''Lord Boxman''': Oh… yes. By all means.
''[Enid, K.O., and Rad struggles to get out]''
:'''Professor Venomous''': Dinner parties are just so… stuffy. [Loads the bazooka] But vanquishing heroes— now, that’s much more exciting!
:'''Fink''': [On top of the bazooka] Fire!
''[The last pie launches the gang out of Boxmore]''
:'''Fink''': [Laughs] [Falls off] Whoa! Oof!
:'''Professor Venomous''': I have to be honest, Boxman. I agreed to come tonight with plans to sever our business relationship after dinner.
:'''Lord Boxman''': [Voice breaking] What?!
:'''Professor Venomous''': You seemed too distracted lately. Though, now I understand why that was. Hard to find folks who value the sport in squashing heroes. And if all your robots can be as fun as this one, then I’ll gladly order 1,000 of them!
:'''Lord Boxman''': You… still… want my robots? You still… [Whimpers] …want me?
''[Professor Venomous chuckles. Lord Boxman laughs and gives Professor Venomous a hug]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': Just… Big hug! [Thinking] Oh, Boxy! You really can have it all. [Fink triggers a punching glove to him] Waughhhh!
''[Fink laughs. The next scene shows the gang still in pie trap]''
:'''K.O.''': W-What is this?
:'''Enid''': It’s called “losing.”
:'''Rad''': Would a loser get to travel the open air in a vehicle made of delicious pie? I don’t think so. [Eats the pie]
===''Face Your Fears'' [1.19]===
''[Read and K.O. are trying to get Mr. Gar's attention.]''
:'''Rad and K.O.''': Mr. Gar, Mr. Gar!
:'''Mr. Gar''': Huh?!
:'''Rad''': There's this new game at the arcade called "The Face of Fear". It makes you face your biggest fears, and adjusts your fear resistance stat depending on how well you do! Look how fearless we've become. ''[shows Mr. Gar his and K.O.'s Pow Cards]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': 10? 15? (growls) You kids and your videos game, pah! I never needed some cockamamie machine to help me face my own fears.
:'''K.O.''': What's your fear resistance, Mr. Gar? I bet it's pretty high.
:'''Mr. Gar''': I haven't checked in a while, it's probably through the roof by now... ''[pulls out his Pow Card and checks his stats]'' It's...8?!
:'''Rad, K.O., and Enid''': 8?!
:'''Mr. Gar''': This is absurd! I-I guess I haven't updated it in a while... Not since I left P.O.I.- (laughs nervously) What I mean to say was, there'd be no ''point'' in me checking, since I'm impervious to fear. Heh, heh.
:'''Enid''': Then I ''guess'' you wouldn't be afraid of playing the game and updating your info?
:'''Mr. Gar''': Heh...
===''Everybody Likes Rad?'' [1.20]===
''[Rad is filming an internet video.]''
:'''Rad''': Rad rocket’s on the roof and ready to roll. ''[Launches a rocket]'' Blorp! ''[Face plants on his camera]'' Rad rocket’s on the roof--
''[Enid is shown watching the video.]''
:'''Enid''': (laughs)
:'''Rad on video''': Blorp!
:'''Enid''': (laughs harder) ''[Titlecard appears]'' ''[continues laughing as she shows the video to K.O.]''
:'''Rad on video''': Rad rocket’s on the roof and ready to roll. Blorp!
:'''K.O.''': ''[Drops his broom]'' Oh, no! Rad, you accidentally forgot to cut out the part where you fall through the roof!
:'''Rad''': ''[On the roof]'' Are you kidding? ''[levitates off the roof]'' Whoa! This video is a work of art, K.O.. Every detail is perfect. The setup, the unexpected nature of the fall, the way the rocket launch gets cut off at the end… Mwah! You couldn’t plan something that good.
:'''Enid''': I got to hand it to you, Rad. I can’t not share this.
:'''Rad''': See, K.O.? The joke may be on me, but it’s still my joke. [A part of the roof fall on him.] Blorp!
:'''K.O.''': Rad!
:'''Enid''': (laughs) You’re on a roll today.
''[K.O. picks up the debris to find Rad’s head.]''
:'''Rad''': Please tell me you got that on video.
===''You Have to Care'' [1.21]===
''[Crowd is outside making noise. K.O. and Rad looks out.]''
:'''K.O.''': What’s that?!
:'''Rad''': Whoa!
''[A pink war tank approaches. Shoots out Elodie]''
:'''Elodie''': Greetings, Lakewood Plaze! Elodie has arrived!
:'''Crowd''': Elodie! Elodie!
''[Elodie shoots her arrow which makes signatures on the crowd]''
:'''Brandon''': Sign my chest!
''[The arrow land on the window]''
:'''K.O.''': Wow! It’s really Elodie. ''[gets his Elodie Pow Card out]'' She goes to POINT Prep Academy. They only allow the best of the best. Gee. I want to apply there someday.
:'''Enid''': Huh? ''[slides off the counter and wears a disguise and read a magazine]''
''[The crowd follows Elodie]''
:'''Elodie''': Thank you. Just passing through my favorite hero shop to sign some autographs!
''[A photographer shoots a picture of K.O., Elodie, and Rad. Enid is in the background]''
:'''Elodie''': ''[sees Enid in the photo]'' (gasps) ''[Tosses the photo]'' Enid.
:'''Enid''': Elodie.
:'''Elodie''': Is this what you’ve been up to all this time? Oh, how... quaint. ''[Crowd grabs her as they chant her name]'' Well, toodles!
''[Rad and K.O. point back and forth]''
:'''Enid''': Grrrr! (gags) I’m taking a break. I’ll be out back. ''[she vanishes and a log with shades takes her place]''
:'''K.O.''': Rad, do you know what’s going on?
:'''Rad''': Almost never.
:'''K.O.''': Something’s wrong with Enid. Elodie showed up, and she started acting all funny.
:'''Rad''': Well, there’s only one way to find out. We just got to ask her until she tells us. Trust me, K.O.. Subtlety is my middle name. ''[enters the break room]'' Hey, Enid! What’s the deal with you and Elodie?! ''[Enid smacks him offscreen]'' Unh! ''[he crashes into a pile of boxes while a small dinosaur appears]''
:'''K.O.''': ''[Thinking]'' Hmm. Maybe it’d be better to ask Elodie about this.
===''Plaza Prom'' [1.22]===
''[K.O. is serving drinks at the Plaza Prom.]''
:'''K.O.''': Drink, sir? Drink, ma’am? Ma’am, would you like a drink? ''[Sees Carol looking attractive]'' Whoooa! ''[Throws the drinks away]'' You look so beautiful!
:'''Carol''': Ha! You gonna give me the honor of a dance sometime tonight?
:'''K.O.''': I gotta get back to work.
''[Mr. Gar pants and sweats. Drinks the whole punch.]''
:'''Colewort''': ''[Grabs a cup but puts it back]'' Huh? Oh.
:'''Carol''': You serve those appetizers!
:'''Mr. Gar''': ''[Slides through Carol’s sight]'' Hello, Carol. How you-- are you doing?
:'''Carol''': I’m pretty good. Enjoying yourself?
:'''Mr. Gar''': ''[Strained]'' Hello, Carol. How are you doing?
:'''Carol''': Uhh, are you okay, Gene?
:'''Mr. Gar''': ''[Straining more]'' Hello, Carol. How are you doing?
:'''Carol''': ''[Walks away]'' Oh, boy.
''[Mr. Gar pants]''
===''Second First Date'' [1.23]===
''[Cupid, a large muscular man, has just magically appeared in the bodega]''
:'''Cupid''': Love conquers all.
:'''Rad and Enid''': Cupid?!
:'''Cupid''': Two people in this room have unresolved romantic tension.
''[Cupid gets ready to fire a heart-shaped bazooka]''
:'''Rad and Enid''': (gasps)
''[They duck and K.O. moves out of the way as the blast creates a heart-shaped hole in the shelves and back wall. Potato and Colewort stand up from one of the shelves]''
:'''Potato''': Actually, we're just taking things slow.
:'''Cupid''': Nobody cares!
''[Rad and Enid are trying to tiptoe out of the store, when Cupid stops them]''
:'''Cupid''': It's you two I'm here for. What's your deal?!
:'''Enid''': (chuckles) Me and Rad? (laughs) Never. Pssh.
:'''Rad''': Never?! That's a funny way to say, "That one time".
:'''Enid''': You know as well as I do that middle school dating is stricken from the record!
:'''K.O.''': What?! Slow down. You guys dated? Each other?!
:'''Enid''': It was just one date, K.O. (sighs) It was a long time ago.
===''One Last Score'' [1.24]===
{{Section-stub}}
===''T.K.O.'' [1.25-26]===
:'''Darrell''': Get ready for an extra-special beatdown!
:'''K.O.''': [Grunts] Powerfist! No!
''[Darrell punches K.O. when Rad catches him]''
:'''Rad''': Need a hand, kiddo?
:'''K.O.''': Rad! You’re—
:'''Rad''': I know, I know. I’m your knight in shining armor. The best of the best. The biceps and the triceps…
''[Enid dashes through to fight Darrell but Darrell shields himself. Enid finally crashes Darrell sending him flying]''
:'''Enid''': Hyah! Hyah! [Darrell falls to the ground]
:'''Rad''': Show-off.
:'''Enid''': Rad, you’re missing the action!
:'''Rad''': [Sets K.O. down] All right, I’m coming. [Hovers] Yeesh.
''[Enid and Rad fights Darrell off-screen]''
:'''K.O.''': [Thinking] I spend all my time with cool heroes at the plaza now, but I’m still getting thrashed by Darrells? Why can’t I be strong like Rad and Enid? And how could I call myself a hero when I can’t even shoot a powerfist when I need it?
----
''[Scene shows an exterior of the Bodega while an alarm is heard. Enid and Rad steps out of the Bodega. A Boxmore box falls from the sky, opening it revealing Darrell]''
:'''Darrell''': Miss me, losers?
:'''Enid''': We didn’t miss you. We hit you. A lot. Remember?
:'''Rad''': [Laughs] Whoa! Good one, Enid. Did you get that, K.O.? [Notices K.O. wasn’t in the shot] K.O.?
:'''Enid''': Mnh-mm.
:'''Darrell''': [Laughs] Oh, boy. I set you up for that one. It’s cool, though. ‘Cause this time… [Laughs] Oh, just wait. [Turns into a bigger version of himself] This time, I’m gonna get the last laugh! [Launches out several weapons to use] Pretty impressive, huh? Lucky for me, though, I won’t even need to pull punches. [Gets a car and smashes it] Once this cannon charges up, just one blast, and your precious plaza will be obliterated! [Fires up cannon]
:'''Rad''': I think we might need to get some help for this one.
:'''Enid''': We stay and fight.
:'''Rad:''': [Chuckles nervously] That’s another joke, right?
:'''Enid''': We’ll never make it back in time. Are you with me or not?
:'''Rad''': Yeah. I’m with you.
:'''Darrell''': This is it, Lakewood losers! [Enid and Rad prepares] Now… prepare to— [A mysterious figure slices Darrell in half and blows up]
:'''Rad''': Whoa. [Darrell’s parts falls out and shows K.O.’s alter-ego form, T.K.O.] Dude! That was amazing!
:'''Enid''': That’s putting it lightly. How did you do that, K.O.?
===''Stop Attacking the Plaza'' [1.27]===
''[Ernesto enters a room where Darrell, Shannon, Raymond, and Jethro are playing a board game.]''
:'''Ernesto''': Hello, little ones.
:'''Darrell''': Hey, Ernesto! Wanna join us?
:'''Ernesto''': I'm just gonna take this downtime to reeelaaax.
:'''Darrell''': Hmm, yeah. We haven't gotten any orders from Dad in a while.
:'''Ernesto''': Yeah, he mentioned something about not attacking the plaza for 24 hours or he'll get fired. ''[starts reading newspaper]'' Shame.
:'''Darrell, Shannon, and Raymond''': (gasps)
:'''Darrell''': 24 hours?!
:'''Shannon''': That's...
:'''Raymond''': Terrible!
:'''Darrell''': Poor Dad! Maybe we should go check on him. Make sure he's okay?
:'''Shannon and Raymond''': Yeah.
----
''[Lord Boxman and his robots are trying to have a family dinner, but Boxman is getting annoyed.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': ENOUGH! Why are you all acting so...strange?
''[Darrell, Shannon, and Raymond look at one another.]''
:'''Darrell''': Well, we know you're not allowed to attack the plaza for a whole day.
:'''Darrell, Shannon, and Raymond''': You must be truly hurting inside.
:'''Lord Boxman''': Stop! What are you trying to say here? That I'm obsessed?! That I have a...problem?
''[A thought bubble depicting the plaza appears next to Boxman; he waves it off.]''
:'''Shannon''': Uh, well, yeah. I mean, isn't attacking the plaza kinda, heh, the sole reason we exist?
:'''Raymond''': That is true.
:'''Ernesto''': You got a point there.
:'''Darrell''': Yeah, yeah, I mean, come on.
:'''Lord Boxman''': Forget you guys! I don't have a problem! You know who has a problem? ''[points to Raymond]'' You with being nosy! I can, too, go a day without attacking the plaza! And I don't need your help to do it! I'll show you all! I'll show ''you''! And I'll show ''you''! And I'll definitely show ''you''... ''[He disappears through a trapdoor in the floor.]''
:'''Jethro''': ''[as he rolls by]'' I am Jethro!
----
''[K.O. is busy mopping the floor, looking bored.]''
:'''K.O.''': (yawns) Man, it's sure been quiet, huh, guys?
''[Rad and Enid are shown sleeping in a bunk bed suspended from the ceiling. The store's door chime dings as Lord Boxman enters. Rad and Enid wake up and change into their normal outfits.]''
:'''K.O.''': Oh, finally, a custom-- aah!
''[The trio gets in fighting position.]''
:'''Enid''': What do you want, Boxman?
:'''Lord Boxman''': You can put those away.
:'''Enid''': ''[takes her foot back]'' Explain.
''[Boxman pulls out a paper and puts on glasses to read it.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': Ahemp. (clears throat) Mi mi mi mi mi miiii. I, uh, Lord Boxman-- me, that is, hereby...vow...to-oo-oo-oo-oo... ''[High-pitched voice]'' stop attacking the plaza. ''[Normal voice]'' Wooow! ''[gets ready to leave]'' That felt great to get that off of my che--
:'''Rad''': ''[stops him]'' Wait a sec! Could you repeat that last part?
:'''Lord Boxman''': D'oh! My bosses say that I can't go a day without attacking you. But! ''[holds up a countdown clock]'' Look at that! One minute left!
:'''Rad''': Seriously?
:'''Enid''': Oh, come on. It's 'cause you failed so many times, isn't it?
:'''Lord Boxman''': Nooooo-uh! It's just-- It's driving me crazy and my bosses crazy. So there! Pbbt!
:'''K.O.''': W-what happens if you did attack us?
:'''Lord Boxman'''': I get fired and my business shuts down, why?
:'''Enid''': (sarcastically) Oh, that's so sad. One moment. ''[The trio gets into a huddle.]'' If Boxman attacks us, he'll get fired and leave us alone! ''[They turn back towards him.]'' Fight me, Buttman!
''[They start poking and teasing him.]''
:'''K.O., Rad, and Enid''': Robots blow!
:'''Enid''': Boxes...are terrible!
:'''K.O.''': ''[hears something on the phone]'' What's that? The president of the universe says all boxes must be replaced with...
:'''K.O., Rad, and Enid''': Best friends?! Friendship! Friendship! Friendship! Wow! Yayyyyyyyy! (laughing)
''[Lord Boxman looks like he's about to snap, but calmly takes a deep breath.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': I have better things to do now than to waste time on you piddling fools. (chuckles) So long, clown babies! Boxman out. (howls) ''[goes outside]''
:'''Enid''': You know, maybe it's for the best. I mean, I don't wanna be the reason that Boxman loses his job.
:'''Rad''': You're right, Enid. Even someone like him doesn't deserve unemployment, just 'cause he's a weird old man.
:'''K.O.''': We are all very thoughtful and kind, even to our enemies.
:'''Rad''': Bring it in for a big friend hug.
''[They hug.]''
:'''K.O.''': Mmm! Yay!
''[The alarm on Boxman's watch beeps, meaning that the 24 hour period is up.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': (laughs evilly) You horrible little brats! ''[tips over a gumball machine]'' Ha-ha-ha-ha! You know what I hate? ''[knocks some jars off of a shelf]'' I-I hate your niceness! He-he. ''[gets up on the counter and spins around]'' Ooh, and I hate your friendliness! (chuckles) ''[Enid gags]'' I hate you kids! ''[kicks the store's rug]'' I hate this bodega! ''[kicks it again]'' I hate Lakewood Plaza Turbo! Bwahaha, yes I do! ''[runs off laughing hysterically]''
----
''[Lord Boxman is in his office with Ernesto.]''
:'''Ernesto''': Sounds like your meeting with Miss Cosma sure went well. You must be glad to be rid of that obsession of yours now, huh?
:'''Lord Boxman''': You know, Ernesto 1701, I learned something interesting about myself in the last 24 hours.
:'''Ernesto''': What's that, sir?
:'''Lord Boxman''': I learned that I don't ''need'' to attack the plaza. ''[gets out a chest and opens it to reveal a button]'' (Evilly) I ''want'' to. ''[pushes the button five times]''
''[Raymond, Darrell, Jethro, Shannon, and Ernesto appear at the plaza and attack K.O., Rad, and Enid.]''
:'''K.O., Rad, and Enid''': What the?!
''[The robots fight the trio.]''
:'''Lord Boxman''': Never gets old.
===''We've Got Fleas'' [1.28]===
''[K.O. is unsuccessfully trying to fight Mikayla, an animalistic robot from Boxmore. Rad and Enid arrive in Rad's van and jump out.]''
:'''Enid''': Looks like our normal approach isn't working.
:'''Rad''': She's too unpredictable. It's like fighting a wild animal.
:'''K.O.''': (gasps) That's it! In times of need, the hero's noble animal companion always sweeps in to win the day! (whistles) Baby Teeth, come forth!
''[Baby Teeth is shown eating nachos in the store, turns, then goes back to eating. We cut back to K.O. with a tear in his eye.]''
:'''Enid''': Any other bright ideas?
:'''K.O.''': Hmm. Well...maybe ''we'' could become animals.
:'''Rad''': "Become" animals? How would we do that?
''[The van's door suddenly swings open, revealing Dendy.]''
:'''Dendy''': It's simple. You just need to be bitten by a were-animal.
:'''K.O., Rad, and Enid''': Dendy!
:'''Rad''': What were you doing in my van...?
:'''Dendy''': (shows hologram explaining her speech) A were-animal's fangs secrete a special were-enzyme that activates the bitten's inner beast.
:'''K.O.''': A...were-animal?!
:'''Rad''': (chuckles) I think you mean, "Where ''is'' animal", K.O.
:'''K.O.''': (laughs, snorts) Yeah, my bad.
''[Enid grabs Rad and K.O. by the hair to look in the distance]''
:'''Enid''': (looking at Crinkly Wrinkly asleep on a bench a few feet away) There animal! Let's get bit.
:'''Rad and K.O.''': (nod) Hmm!
''[The trio runs up to Crinkly Wrinkly with their arms out and jumping.]''
:'''K.O., Rad, and Enid''': Come on! Bite us! Bite us! Bite us! Bite us!
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': (wakes up, startled) Whaaat?! (wheezes)
''[The trio stops jumping]''
:'''Enid''': Look, I know it sounds strange, but I promise you it's for a good reason-- Owww! (she lifts her arm and Crinkly Wrinkly is biting down on it) Ugh! Get off me, you dusty little creep!
''[Enid shakes him off and he lands in K.O.'s hands]''
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': Why, thank ya, sonny! (bites K.O. on the nose)
:'''K.O.''': (holds nose) Oww!
:'''Rad''': (points and laughs)
''[Crinkly Wrinkly opens his mouth wide and bites down on Rad's outstretched hand]''
:'''Rad''': Aaaah! (throws him off)
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': (lands on bottom) Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! I've been wanting to do that for ages!
:'''Enid''': Wait, you ''wanted'' to bite us?!
:'''Rad''': Ew!
:'''K.O.''': You weren't supposed to like it!
:'''Enid''': (rubs her arm in disgust) Ugh! Blek!
:'''Rad''': That cannot be legal.
''[Crinkly Wrinkly is suddenly on board a bus as it drives past the trio]''
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': Ho Ho Ho! Enjoy your cuuuuurse!
:'''Enid''': Your garbage curse didn't even work, you dank old pillowcase!!!
''[Enid suddenly sprouts a rabbit's tail]''
:'''K.O.''': (points to her) Enid...you have a new ponytail! On your butt!
:'''Enid''': (notices) Oh! Cute! But, I don't think it's a ponytail. It's more of a--
''[Her ears change into rabbit ears, her nose turns pink, and she starts growing whiskers. Purple fur starts growing on her hands and arms, then her feet burst out of her shoes and become rabbit's feet.]''
:'''Enid''': (groans, grunts) A bunny! (wiggles her toes) It must be because I'm so... (jumps up in the air and clicks her heels) quick on my feet!
:'''Rad''': Whoa, nice! If your inner animal is fast, then mine must be something totally macho. Like a classic werewolf! (starts growing fur and claws; sprouts a tail) Yeah! I can feel it! (rips shirt off, laughs, then gets a collar with a bell on it) Oh. A cat? Nice. Must be because I'm so... (licks his hand and arm, then slicks back his hair) cleaaan.
:'''K.O.''': Wow! Wow, wow, wow! You guys look so cool! (sprouts a dog's tail) Ah! I can't wait to find out what I'm gonna be!
:'''Enid and Rad''': A puppy!
:'''Rad''': That is so K.O.!
:'''Enid''': Of course he's a puppy! (pets K.O. on his head as he grows dog ears and fur) It's perfect, because he's such a good boy!
:'''Rad''': (starts petting him too) Yeah, who's a good boy?!
:'''K.O.''': Me! Me, me, me!
:'''Enid and Rad''': Yes, you are!
''[Rad is suddenly tackled by Mikayla]''
:'''Enid''': (remembering) Oh, right. Mikayla. Time to use our animal powers to put this monkey business to an end.
:'''Rad''': (while pinned to the ground by Mikayla) Ohhh, she's a monkey? I thought she was some kind of jaguar...guitar...lizard...
''[Rad is about to get scratched by Mikayla, only to get booted by Enid.]''
:'''Enid''': (as she zooms by) Whoooo cares?
:'''Rad''': Well, I'm a little curious.
===''No More Pow Cards'' [1.29]===
''[Dendy and K.O. have broken into the POW Card factory computer room and are being held by a pair of guards. Mr. Cardsley, the company owner, enters the room.]''
:'''Mr. Cardsley III''': Put them down, and back away. I’ll take it from here.
:'''Guard''': ''[saluting]'' Yes, Mr. Cardsley III. [leaves]
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': ''[to Dendy and K.O.]'' Now, now, it’s alright. Did you get lost? Tours are back out there, kids!
:'''K.O.''': We are not here for no tour! Well, not today. Right, Dendy?
:'''Dendy''': That is correct.
:'''K.O.''': In fact, we got a bone to pick with you, mister!
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': Is that so? Alright, I’m all ears.
:'''K.O.''': Mr. Cardsley! All our lives we’ve loved Pow Cards! ''[pulls out his collection]'' See?
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': Oh. Very nice.
:'''K.O.''': But then, we found out you don’t let Kappas be recognized as heroes! And that’s the most messed up thing I ever heard! So fix it, (sobbing) plee-eee-ase.
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': Well what’s there to fix? I mean, why in the world would Kappas need Pow Cards?
:'''K.O.''': Be...cause! It’s bad to leave them out! Don’t be bad!
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': And you’re asking we include them for...what, exactly? Drowning people? Honestly, I’ve never seen a Kappa do anything of significance. Heroic or otherwise, they’re just little monsters. And though we appreciate your feedback here at Pow Industries, this is the system we’ve used for decades. There’s no need to change a thing.
:'''K.O.''': But can’t you see how much it upsets us?!
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': (sighs) Look, I'm sorry you’re so upset, kid, but it’s the simple truth.
:'''K.O.''': It’s nowhere near the truth! My friend Dendy here does great things all the time! And- and-! ...Do you even know any Kappas, Mr. Cardsley?
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': I...uhhh...Guards!
:'''Guards''': Yessir!
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': Please escort these trespassers off the premises.
:'''Guards''': Yessir!
:'''K.O.''': Still? After all my tears?
:'''Dendy''': Please wait...Once more.
:'''Guards''': Aw, c’mon! Just...wanna cuff...so baa-aa-aad! ''[They roll away sobbing]''
:'''Dendy''': Mr. Cardsley. Have you ever considered the reason the world does not view Kappas as heroic is because we don’t have any heroes of our own to look up to? And for those that are out there doing something you’d call noteworthy, we’ll never get to notice, if your computer doesn’t, either. All I request is for us to be given a chance.
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': (sighs) Fine. If you insist on learning the hard way. Carla!
:'''Carla''': ''[gets brought down on a crane]'' Greetings, Mr. Cardsley!
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': Carla, my trusty engineer. Can you temporarily allow the hero-puter to detect the Kappa species?
:'''Carla''': I’d love to! Just gimme one minute… ''[A cord shoots from Dendy's hack-pack and connects to the computer.]'' Ooh!
:'''Dendy''': Pardon, I’ve already written an override code for your system.
:'''Carla''': I...just making sure you’re not trying any funny business! (chuckles) It would’ve taken me forever to write this code! Please, press away!
''[Dendy activates the override code. The computer beeps, but then the beeps die out.]''
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': Ohh. Sorry, kids. Like I said, Kappa- aaah!
:'''Carla''': Wow!
''[Tons of Kappa suddenly appear on the world map shown on screen.]''
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': What the-? ''[picks up a new Pow Card]'' Hot hot hot hot hot! How can this be? I - was - wrong? I. Can’t. Process. I was - always told I’m right! I - ''[begins sucking his thumb]''
:'''Carla''': Oh, this is fantastic! Our database is flooded with new profiles! Sales have gone through the roof! A new market of Kappas are buying our Pow Cards in droves! This is the biggest sale in the history of the company, Mr. Cardsley!
:'''Employee''': Sir! There’s no place to hold all the Technos!
''[Technos burst through the door. The group is swept away by them into the main hallway.]''
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': ''[to Dendy]'' Young lady. Dendy, was it?
:'''Dendy''': Yes.
:'''Mr. Cardsley''': Dendy, you’ve really taught me something here today. I thank you. And from now on, Pow Cards will recognize the heroic feats of Kappas across the globe! Grandfather would be proud...of how much money we’re making! ''[dives into the pile of Technos]'' Wheee-hee-hee! Woo hoo!
===''A Hero’s Fate'' [1.30]===
{{Section-stub}}
===''Let’s Have a Stakeout'' [1.31]===
{{Section-stub}}
===''Rad Likes Robots'' [1.32]===
{{Section-stub}}
===''KO's Video Channel'' [1.33]===
''[Rad and Enid are watching one of K.O.'s online videos. K.O. is wearing a hoodie with Dendy standing in the background.]''
:'''K.O.''': Hi, guys. I'm here with a special guest, my friend, Dendy. (Dendy waves to camera) She says she has an amazing discovery to show you guys.
''[The scene cuts to Dendy staring into a room with her hands pressed on the window]''
:'''K.O.''': Where are we? Who-- Whose house is this?
:'''Dendy''': Shh! Every morning at exactly 6:15... (gasps) It is happening! Get ready, K.O.!
''[Rad is shown in his underwear, scratching his butt, and levitating towards a pullup bar in the doorway]''
:'''K.O.''': This is Rad's house?
''[Dendy watches with a smile on her face as Rad does some pullups]''
:'''K.O.''': Dendy!
:'''Rad''': (turns around) Huh?
:'''Dendy''': Run!
''[The scene shows Dendy and K.O.'s feet as they run away]''
:'''Dendy''': (laughs)
:'''K.O.''': Dendy, why?
''[Rad sits on the counter in shock at the video he had just watched, while Enid is on the floor laughing]''
:'''Enid''': (laughs) Did that one have enough Radicles for ya? (laughs)
===''The Power is Yours'' [1.34]===
===''Glory Days'' [1.35]===
===''Plazalympics'' [1.36]===
===''Parents Day'' [1.37]===
''[Rad and K.O. are driving around, trying to spy on Enid]''
:'''Rad''': Enid's house should be on this block.
:'''K.O.''': (while looking through the glove compartment) How do you know where Enid lives?
:'''Rad''': I took a look at her personnel file, that's how.
:'''K.O.''': Hey! That's sneaky!
:'''Rad''': Then I guess you don't want to know any super cool secret facts about Enid, like her favorite color?
''[K.O. tries to resist the curiosity, but can't]''
:'''K.O.''': Oh, what is it?! Green?!
:'''Rad''': It's...purple.
:'''K.O.''': Whoa!
:'''Rad''': (stops the van, looks out the window) K.O., I think this is it!
:'''K.O.''': Huh?
''[Enid is walking down the street, carrying a duffel bag]''
:'''K.O.''': (gasps) Look, here she comes!
:'''Rad''': Wait, she's not stopping.
:'''K.O.''': Where's she going?
''[Enid arrives at a spooky-looking house as thunder crashes overhead]''
:'''K.O. and Rad''': What?
''[Enid looks around before reaching into the duffel bag]''
:'''K.O. and Rad''': Wha?!
''[Enid pulls a witch's hat out of the duffel bag, puts it on, and is enveloped in a puff of purple smoke. When the dust settles, she is dressed as a witch.]''
:'''K.O. and Rad''': (scream)
''[Enid enters the house, leaving K.O. and Rad in shock]''
:'''K.O.''': Whoa! Enid's going trick-or-treating without us?
:'''Rad''': (groans)
''[K.O. and Rad peek through a window to look for Enid]''
:'''K.O.''': Do you see Enid?
''[A bat flies into the room]''
:'''Rad''': Wait, look!
''[The bat changes into a woman and she fixes her hair]''
:'''Rad''': Enid's mom is...a hot vampire?
''[A purple-furred werewolf walks up to the woman and kisses her]''
:'''Rad''': And her dad is a hot werewolf?
:'''K.O.''': Enid's parents are ninjas ''and'' monsters?
:'''Rad''': I don't think they're ninjas.
:'''K.O.''': But, why would Enid lie to us?
:'''Enid''': (suddenly appearing at the window) 'Cause it's none of your business, you goons.
:'''K.O. and Rad''': (scream)
:'''Enid''': Shh! You guys need to get out of here.
:'''K.O.''': You said your parents were busy ninjas, but they were just kissing and aren't ninjas.
:'''Enid''': My family is embarrassing and I like to keep my private life private. So, you need to go before they see you and--
:'''Wilhamena''': (arrives at the window) Enid! You have guests! Please join us for dinner.
''[Enid shakes her head as she stares at her friends with skulls in her eyes, motioning for them to say no. K.O. and Rad look at each other.]''
:'''K.O. and Rad''': We'd love to!
:'''Enid''': Grrrrrrrrr!
===''We Got Hacked'' [1.38]===
:'''K.O.''': Dendy! Dendy, Dendy, Dendy, Dendy! We got... we got problems!
:'''Dendy''': Hmm. I understand your predicament. (pointing to Gar) Mr. Gar here is overcompensating for his receding hairline with muscles.
:'''Mr. Gar''': (angrily) Hey!
:'''Dendy''': (pointing to Rad) Rad is pretending to be super macho, even though he's a big softy.
:'''Rad''': (embarrassed) Th-That's not true!
:'''Dendy''': (pointing to the broken mop) We have a cleaning apparatus with a tacky design.
''[The mop deflates]''
:'''Dendy''': (pointing to Enid who is acting indifferent while picking her nose) Or perhaps, is it how Enid acts super cool because she's internally struggling with her identity.
:'''Enid''': (embarrassed and puffing her cheeks out) Uh, uh, uh... Absolutely not!
:'''Dendy''': Hmm. Ah, it must be-
''[Mr. Gar picks up Dendy]''
:'''Mr. Gar''': The dang mop is malfunctioning!
''[He drops her to the ground and walks off]''
===''Back in Red Action'' [1.39]===
===''Let's Take a Moment'' [1.40]===
===''Villains' Night Out'' [1.41]===
===''Villains' Night In'' [1.42]===
===''Let's Watch the Pilot'' [1.43]===
''[The episode starts off with montage of Crinkly Wrinkly interviewing a couple of guests.]''
:'''Announcer''': Welcome to “Stage Left,” with Crinkly Wrinkly.
''[Audience cheers and applause. Dynamite Watkins comes in to hit Crinkly Wrinkly with a chair. The titlecard appears. The cameraman gets ready for Dynamite Watkins to host.]''
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': I’m Dynamite Watkins! Your host for tonight--
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly''': My neck!
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': For tonight’s highly-anticipated retrospective! Fans of the smash hit TV series, “OK K.O.: Let’s Be Heroes,” prepare to lose your cool! Joining us today is… Enid! ''[Enid comes onstage]'' Rad! ''[Comes onstage as well]''
:'''Rad''': Please donate to my charity-- Tiny Clothes for Tiny Dinos.
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': And K.O.! ''[Audience cheers louder as he comes onstage]''
:'''Audience''': K.O.! K.O.! K.O.!
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': Wow! ''[K.O. gives kisses]'' K.O. is clearly the crowd favorite. No surprise there. That kid’s a show-stealer! So, “OK K.O.” has taken the world by storm! It’s number one on every network. (Dramatically) And in all our hearts. Did you three ever expect it to become such an explosive success?!
:'''Enid''': Well, I don’t know about the others, but from the very beginning, I could just, like, sense the material was really special, you know?
:'''Rad''': Yeah, I have--
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': Well, that’s great. I’ve actually got a relic that can take us all back to the beginning you spoke of. The original pilot-- ''[shows the relic]'' "Lakewood Plaza Turbo"!
:'''Enid, K.O., and Rad''': What?!
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': That’s right-- the pilot! And I don’t mean the sap that flies your plane. ''[Displays what a pilot is]'' I’m talking a short sample episode that’s made to test the waters and see if it’s something people would want to watch more of. Right, K.O.?
:'''K.O.''': Well, yeah, but… we’ve come a really long way since the pilot, and it’s not at all representative of our current work, so…
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': Whoo, "Lakewood Plaza Turbo"!
''[Audience cheers and applause as the pilot starts airing.]''
:'''Announcer''': In the year, 201X, ''[Displays the robots of Boxmore]'' Lord Boxman opened a store to arm his robot hoard. ''[Cuts to Lakewood Plaza Turbo and the heroes preparing to fight]'' But the heroes of Lakewood Plaza--
:'''Rad and Singing voice''': ♪Are ready to fight!♪
:'''Rad''': (laughs) Oh, man! Remember this old theme song?
:'''K.O. and Singing voice''': ♪K.O., Rad, and Enid are in battle mode♪
:'''Enid and Singing voice''': ♪Punch and kick the bad guys till they all explode♪
:'''K.O., Enid, Rad, and Singing voice''': ♪Power up and fight. Let’s watch an episode of Lakewood Plaza Turbo!♪ ''[K.O. says OK K.O. instead of Plaza Turbo. Rad laughs after he messed up.]''
:'''Rad''': We have fun. Ha-- the plaza looked so different back then.
:'''K.O.''': Whoa! We look so weird.
:'''Enid''': Ugh-- my hair! Sorry. This is just, um… really weird to watch now.
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': It sure is! Please feel free to react out loud during the whole thing.
:'''Enid’s voice''': He’s sleeping again.
''[Rad snores and K.O. dumps ice cream on him.]''
:'''K.O.''': (laughs) Rad got so cold underneath all that ice cream, they had to call in a stunt double!
''[Audience laughs]''
:'''Rad''': Ha. Well, uh, I was on a cleanse, so my skin was super sensitive.
:'''K.O.’s voice''': You looked so peaceful, like a baby lamb.
''[Mega Football Baby and Sparko laughs]''
:'''Enid’s voice''': Gee!
''[Pilot K.O. does something weird with his mouth.]''
:'''Rad''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is going on with your mouth there?
:'''K.O.''': It’s an old theater trick we call “jawning.” It, um… keeps the jaw nice and loose, even when you’re not talking.
:'''Rad’s voice''': Ooh! ''[Prepares to shoot K.O. with his finger]''
:'''Rad''': Oh! Did my own stunt here. Shout-out to the effects team.
''[Pilot K.O. grunts]''
:'''Rad’s voice''': It’s just the power poke. You know, a special move?
:'''K.O.’s voice''': “Special move”? Okay, my turn!
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': So, K.O., I sense a little conflict between you and Rad here.
:'''K.O.''': Yeah, you know, in this episode, I think he’s the bad guy. But-- spoiler alert-- turns out he’s not the bad guy, and it was totally some other dude. Ha-- the stories can’t get too complicated in pilots.
''[Crowd laughs when K.O. doesn’t do his “special move”]''
:'''K.O.’s voice''': Yeah, well… I’ll soil you!
''[K.O. and Rad fight]''
:'''Enid’s voice''': Cool it!
:'''Crowd''': Fight, fight!
:'''Enid’s voice''': I said, “Cool it!” ''[Uses her power kick]''
:'''K.O.''': Ooh. Enid’s outfit change really was for the best.
:'''Enid''': (chuckles nervously) Well… it was challenging. But the material called for a loin-flap, and I think meeting that challenge made me a stronger performer.
:'''Mr. Gar’s voice''': No! ''[pounds the ground]''
:'''Enid’s voice''': Boss, what happ-- ''[trips on her loin-flap]'' Whoa!
:'''K.O.''': (laughs) Remember how often you’d trip over that thing? ''[Enid continues tripping over her loin-flap]''
:'''Enid''': What?! Why would you show that?!
:'''Dynamite Watkins''': Just cut in a few bloopers to spice things up.
===''Mystery Science Fair 201X'' [1.44]===
''[Dendy and K.O. are trading Paw Cards before class starts]''
:'''Dendy''': Okay, then I will trade you for your… Limited edition Cowboy Darrell!
:'''K.O.''': (Laughs) No way! He’s, like, the rarest villain card I own!
:'''Dendy''': That is not true. You also have… ''[points to the Shadowy Figure Pow Card]'' this one!
:'''K.O.''': Oh. Um, yeah… ''[tries to hide that Pow Card]'' I forgot.
:'''Dendy''': Shadowy Figure never did return after last time, did he?
:'''K.O.''': I think we’ve seen the last of him. Uh, what if I trade you… ''[tries to trade one of his Pow Cards]''
:'''Dendy''': And what of your… turbonic form?
:'''K.O.''': Y-you mean T.K.O.? Well, I guess he’s still inside me somewhere? I-I don’t like thinking about it.
:'''Dendy''': How very fascinating.
:'''Classmate''': Everybody pipe down, will ya?! I think teach is comin-- ''[Miss Quantum slams the door on the kid]''
:'''Miss Quantum''': Morning, class. Everyone have a good weekend?
:'''Classmates''': Yes, Miss Quantum.
:'''Miss Quantum''': Well, that's great, ‘cause I spent mine failing all of your quizzes again! ''[tosses the quizzes]'' What is wrong with all of you?! Did any of you even try?
''[A clock is ticking, a slow fart is heard and classmates laugh]''
:'''Miss Quantum''': Okay, that’s fine. You kids think you’re just too clever for quizzes. Well, in that case, I’ll be looking forward to all your brilliant submissions to this year’s… ''[pulls out a laser gun and blasts words on the chalkboard]'' Mystery Science Fair 201X! ''[The title card appears and the chalkboard falls]''
:'''Nanini''': ''[raises hand]'' But, Miss Quantum, I thought you--
''[A buzzer is heard and books fall on her]''
:'''Miss Quantum''': What have I told you about raising your hand? ''[Nanini raises her hand]'' Yes, Nanini?
:'''Nanini''': I thought you said the science fair was optional.
:'''Miss Quantum''': Oh! Oh, I did say that, didn’t I? ''[breathes fire]'' Well, I changed my mind! You are all now required to submit a project for the fair… by tomorrow!
''[Classmates groan]''
:'''Genesis''': That’s so unfair! There’s not enough time!
:'''Miss Quantum''': Oh, quit your boo-hooin’ and get crackin’. Unless, of course, you’d rather be suspended from school like poor Lil’ Bobo out there.
''[Bobo is shown to be tied up and literally suspending from school]''
:'''Bobo''': Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo. Boo-hoo.
:'''Miss Quantum''': The winner will receive a blue ribbon and extra credit. ''[shows a hologram of a blue ribbon]'' But I must warn you, I’m not easily impressed. Dendy. ''[glares at Dendy]'' Now get to work!
:'''K.O.''': Oh! What do we do?!
:'''Dendy''': Do not worry, K.O.. I have the perfect idea for our project.
''[A cheering sound effect is heard]''
:'''K.O.''': Oh, Dendy! What’s it gonna be about?
:'''Dendy''': Unleashing T.K.O..
:'''K.O.''': Wait, what!?
''[Bell rings. K.O. is seen dragging himself to Dendy’s legs]''
:'''K.O.''': (crying) Dendy, why?! ''[sobs and sniffles]''
:'''Dendy''': (sighs) Allow me to explain. ''[shows a demonstration of their science fair]'' You, K.O., are the only person I know with the ability to harness energy as T.K.O.! If I could identify what it is exactly that triggers your turbonic transformation, it’d be a scientific breakthrough!
:'''K.O.''': But it’s scary bein’ T.K.O.! I lose all control! (gasps) What if I hurt someone again?! What if I hurt you?!
:'''Dendy''': Oh, K.O., I assure you ''[opens locker]'' we will be perfectly safe in a controlled environment, using only state-of-the art equipment. Now, please, step inside.
:'''K.O.''': Mm! Okay, Dendy, I trust you. ''[steps inside the locker]'' Just no needles or anything, okay?
===''RMS & Brandon's First Episode'' [1.45]===
''[Mad Sam has just threatened RMS and Brandon to frame his helmet.]''
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': (sighs) Here we are again, fearing for our lives, framing-- ''[Grabs the helmet]'' gah-- junk. I like hanging out with you all the time, but don’t you ever feel… trapped?
:'''Brandon''': Speak for yourself! Despite the couple wackos, this place rules! Plus, it’s like the easiest job in the world!
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Is it, though?
:'''Brandon''': Yeah! Everything’s easy with you around! Now, let’s get to work… after I take a nap.
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Huh? ''[Brandon hops on the counter with newspapers to nap.]'' Now? ''[Brandon snores]'' But we gotta frame Mad Sam’s helmet! I just don’t get paid enough for any of this! Look at him… so peaceful. Not a care in the world. Must be nice to be so willfully complacent. Huh?
''[Newsprint reads “Looking 4 Bigger and Better Things?” Zooms in to “Coffee Shop Looking 4 Barista Apply Now!!!!! Zooms in another text.]''
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': "25 more pennies an hour"? This could be just what I need to get out of this funk. Watching Brandon sleep can be fun sometimes, but maybe it’s time for me to move up in the world! Sorry, Brandon, but I’ve gotta get that job!
''[Scene cuts to A Real Magic Skeleton filling a resume on a computer.]''
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Well, let’s see. Special skills. Uh… Framing proficien--Ugh, no, that’s dumb. Does magic count as a special skill? ''[A clang sound is heard.]'' Maybe I should-- ''[Another clang sound is heard.]'' Wha-- ''[And another. RMS' head is enveloped in purple flames.]'' Ooh, my geez, why?! What are you doing?!
:'''Brandon''': I’m trying to get Mad Sam’s helmet in this display case. ''[Slams the helmet]''
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Ugh! ''[Brandon slams again]'' You’re driving me nuts! Brandon, my dude, I love you, but I’m so glad I’m applying for a new job.
:'''Brandon''': New job?!
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Yep! And with the extra 25 pennies a week, it’ll only take me, like… 2,000 years to become a millionaire! And once I have that much money, I’ll be able to do the things I always dreamed of.
''[He dreams of buying a steak with bone.]''
:'''Employee''': Here ya go.
''[RMS gets his order and leaves a dollar in the tips jar. Cut back to the present.]''
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': Ahh!
:'''Brandon''': So you’re just gonna turn your back on all the cool stuff we do here? Like when we duct-taped each other to the walls? Or that time I took all your bones and hid them around the store.
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': I didn’t like when you did that! I need my bones.
:'''Brandon''': Well, what about the time we thought we were level 100 and fought Big Darrell. ''[Imagines fighting Big Darrell]''
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': That was K.O..
:'''Brandon''': Okay, well, still… our jobs are great! Think about how sweet our future will be, working here together, forever. ''[Echos]'' Forever… forever… forever.
''[Imagines Crinkly Wrinkly burying Brandon and him in the store.]''
:'''Crinkly Wrinkly and Brandon''': Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
:'''A Real Magic Skeleton''': (shudders) ''[He checks his phone to see Drupe messaging him.]'' Mm. Come on. Drupe picked up some sour candy.
:'''Brandon''': Oh, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo!
===''Lad and Logic'' [1.46]===
===''OK Dendy! Let's Be K.O.!'' [1.47]===
''[The evil robot attack alarm goes off]''
''[We're shown Gar's Bodega getting on defense mode as Potato and Holo Jane flee, multiple screams can be heard in the background]''
:'''Cookie Man''': [Hands up his face] EVIL ROBOT ATTACK!
''[A Boxmore robot box falls from the sky, Enid and Rad hurry outside the Bodega and Dendy follows behind while humming and walking on a much slower pace. The box's walls fall only to reveal the robot sent in by Boxman is Ernesto.]''
:'''Ernesto''': [Nervously reading to himself the lines he's supposed to use off some papers] Uh... Okay... Greetings Lakewood, I am Ernesto, here from Boxmore... Your demise.... [He hums to himself before realizing he's already supposed to be fighting] OH! UM. [Quickly glances over at his papers] Greetings! Plaza!-.. Uh-..[Looks at his papers again] Turbians. I am... [Looks at his papers again] Ernesto. The... Uh-.. Boxmore business bot. [Puts his canon arm up] And I am here.. To, uh, destroy... [Points his canon arm at the heroes but nothing happens, so he awkwardly moves it up and down to try to get it to work. The only thing to come out of the canon is air. Ernesto grows tense] Your plaza!
:'''Rad''': This is sad.
:'''Enid''': [Pats Dendy on the head] Don't worry about this chump, Dendy. We'll handle him. [Winks at Dendy and puts her thumb up]
:'''Dendy''': Okay!
''[Enid and Rad prepare themselves to attack Ernesto]''
:'''Dendy''': [Thinking] No... I'm filling-in for K.O., and K.O. would not simply chill at the prospect of battle. [Speaking] I must consult the list to see what he'd do! [Looks at K.O.'s schedule] "Learn life lesson"! I see! This is the climax of K.O.'s day, where he learns something wholesome. I've been trying to imitate K.O. this whole time but maybe the lesson I learned and, therefore, the secret of defeating this robot, is just to be myself! [Thinking] Yeah... That sounds correct. [Speaking] Ernesto!
:'''Rad and Enid''': What?!
:'''Dendy''': For a business bot, you're very inefficient. You haven't laid a single attack on the Plaza since you landed.
:'''Ernesto''': W-Well... I was about to get there.
:'''Dendy''': No! Over rot speeches and flimsy weapons are tools of lesser robots. As a business bot you should set aside those inferior tactics and just cut to the chase.
:'''Ernesto''': Ha, maybe you're right! I don't need to copy the other robots to destroy the Plaza! I'm just gonna BE MYSELF! [He turns into a ball with only his arms out as some jazz music starts playing, then, using his arms' help he jumps backwards and becomes a full ball]
''[ Rad and Enid exclaim as they jump in order to dodge Ernesto's attack, Dendy gets run over by the robot and then is punched into the ground.]''
:'''Rad''': Dendy! Why'd you give him constructive criticism?! That just made him stronger!
:'''Enid''': [Groans] Who cares! [She jumps back into action and prepares to air-kick Ernesto] He's not strong enough for this!
''[Enid's attack cuts Ernesto in half]''
:'''Rad''': Nice, Enid!
''[Suddenly both of Ernesto's halves start chasing after Enid and Dendy, Rad is able to use his levitation beam to stop them from hitting his friends]''
:'''Enid''': Oh-oh! Rad!
:'''Rad''': I gotcha!
''[Ernesto's limbs break the beam and his arms grab Rad by the waist, knocking him on the ground over and over until finally sticking him down for good]''
:'''Rad''': [Groans while immobilized]
:'''Enid''': Rad!
''[Ernesto's foot kicks Enid in the face just as she calls out for her friend's name, making her fall on the ground. Enid yells as she kicks Ernesto's legs, while he kicks back. She manages to throw the lower half of Ernesto into the sky but it comes back and smashes her on the ground]''
:'''Rad''': [Is unable to free himself from Ernesto's grip] HOW ARE WE LOSING?! [Gets slapped by Ernesto's tie]
:'''Enid''': [Struggling to defend herself from Ernesto's attacks] We-... Need-... K.O.!
:'''Dendy''': [Thinking] I see! Being my normal self isn't enough. They don't need Dendy right now... [Speaking] They need K.O.! And if K.O. is not here, [Stares at her holographic screen] I must become K.O. in my own way! [Starts typing things out on her screen, and takes on the shape of a giant K.O.] Untend them Ernesto! They're not your opponent, I AM!
''[Ernesto throws both Enid and Rad into the air and prepares to fight Dendy, he throws a punch at her but she grabs his first and pushes him back. Ernesto nearly loses balance but then he goes and tries to punch Dendy again, she manages to punch him first which throws him onto the ground. Ernesto quickly gets up and runs towards her, she tries to punch him but he blocks her attack. The two start throwing punches at each other but neither seem to be able to hit the other. Finally, Dendy manages to punch Ernesto in the stomach which throws him on the ground.]''
:'''Ernesto''': Oh... Jeez... Just being myself isn't helping to destroy the Plaza either! [Closes his one eye in shame] My failure figures are skyrocketing.
:'''Dendy''': [Is breathing heavily because of the tiresome fight she just went through] Ernesto... We should appreciate the irony of this situation, I thought I needed to be myself, [Puts her hand on her chest] but I needed to copy someone else in my own way.
:'''Ernesto''': Uh?.. Is this still about my thing?
:'''Dendy''': No. [Punches Ernesto back into Boxmore]
:'''Rad''': Dendy! THAT WAS AMAZING!!!
:'''Enid''': Yeah! You should fill-in for K.O. everyday!!!
:'''Dendy''': [Sighs] No, thank you! I thought I knew everything about K.O., but it seems the one thing I do not understand is how he does this everyday. This job is very tiring... Besides, I think it's best to leave being K.O., to the real K.O..
''[A bus titled "Old Folks Home" suddenly pulls over and K.O. gets out of it while wearing a red shirt that reads "worlds' gratest grampso n" and with three balloons on his hand]''
:'''K.O.''': Hi, guys! I'm back! What'd I miss?
:'''Rad and Enid''': K.O.!! [start talking at the same time about their battle against Ernesto and Dendy's help]
''[Dendy checks out the item "tender moment" off K.O.'s schedule and the episode ends]''
===''Plaza Shorts'' [1.48]===
===''Let's Not Be Skeletons'' [1.49]===
===''Action News'' [1.50]===
===''The Perfect Meal'' [1.51]===
===''Hope This Flies'' [1.52]===
''[Rad and Red Action are racing each other and just zoomed by a trailer park. Red is in the lead.]''
:'''Rad''': Stupid mobile suburbs! ''[He and Red enter Rumble Range]'' Now that we’re out of that maze, there’s no way I’ll lose. ''[Catches up to Red]''
:'''Red Action''': Man, you must like the taste of my dust!
:'''Rad''': ''[Licks the dust]'' Not bad. Could use some more debris an-- Hey! (grumbles) I’ll show you! ''[Tries to move his stick-shift higher]'' No! I’m already going as fayste as I can! ''[Slowing down]'' We’re already going through Rumble Range! At this rate, Red’s gonna win. Eh. What the-- ''[Sees the Dendysoft Help System]'' I don’t remember adding this. ''[Pushes a button where a holographic form of Dendy appears.]''
:'''Dendy''': Greetings, operator.
:'''Rad''': Aah! Demon! Don’t eat-- Dendy?!
:'''Dendy''': A facsimile of Dendy, and as such, I’m programmed to help in a variety of ways.
:'''Rad''': You snuck into ''my'' van and messed with ''my'' stuff?!
:'''Dendy''': Please select a--
:'''Rad''': I don’t want your help! ''[Smashes the help system]'' I just gotta… um… That’s it! The volcano! While she’s comin’ ''round'' the mountain, I’ll be going ''over'' it. I’m a smart booooooy! ''[Drives to the volcano]''
:'''Enid''': ''[As a note]'' False.
:'''Rad''': Time to fly. Launching the Rad Wing. ''[The wing, which is just a giant paper airplane, replaces the rocket launcher. Flies over the volcano.]'' Engaging thrusters. Y-e-e-es! I did it! I-- ''[The thruster burns the wing.]'' Noooooooooo! ''[The van falls into the volcano, plummeting to the lava.]'' Aaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Dendy''': Perhaps ''I'' can be of assistance.
:'''Rad''': Demon! Dendy? How long have you been there?
:'''Dendy''': The entire time.
:'''Rad''': ''[grabs Dendy]'' Well, don’t just sit there adorably. Help!
:'''Dendy''': You… want my help?
:'''Rad''': Oh, Dendy, I shouldn’t have refused your help before. And now it’s my fault we’re gonna take a lava bath. I’ll do ''anything'' to atone.
:'''Dendy''': Stick your finger in the ignition.
:'''Rad''': Okay-- if it’ll atone.
:'''Dendy''': No, Radicles. You can use your beam power to fuel the zero-point energy engine I secretly installed.
:'''K.O.''': ''[As a note]'' I helped!
:'''Rad''': Oh, okay. That makes sense. ''[Takes off the keys and stick his finger to the ignition and uses his beam power. The van levitates away from the lava.]'' I did it! I did it, I did it, I did it!
:'''Dendy''': Aren’t you forgetting something?
:'''Rad''': Oh, yeah. Y-You, uh… helped.
:'''Dendy''': The race!
:'''Rad''': (gasps deeply) ''[Drives around the volcano]'' But there’s no way we’ll catch up! ''[His van flies through]''
:'''Dendy''': That’s not entirely true.
''[Enid leans on a pole of the finish line texting.]''
:'''K.O.''': ''[Waves flags]'' Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
:'''Dendy''': I may have made some more secret mods to your van. ''[Pushes the faystest button to upgrade Rad’s van.]''
:'''Red Action''': Whoa! Cool!
''[Rad's van zooms past Red's tank.]''
:'''Rad''': We’re… gonna… win!
:'''K.O.''': Whoo-hoo-hoo!
:'''K.O. and Enid''': Aah!
''[The van flies by the finish line and Rad pushes the brakes, but it doesn’t stop.]''
:'''Rad''': Why aren’t we stopping?!
:'''Dendy''': I had counted on you accepting my help much sooner!
''[The van crashes into the Bodega and sets it on fire. K.O. drives his go-kart and Red Action drives her tank to see.]''
:'''Enid''': ''[Takes off sunglasses]'' Rad!
:'''K.O.''': Dendy!
''[Dendy carries Rad out of the mess.]''
:'''Enid, K.O., and Red Action''': Whew!
:'''Rad''': (groans) Wha… My van!
:'''Dendy''': Do not worry, Radicles. We will repair your van. Besides, you won the race.
:'''Rad''': No, Dendy. ''We'' won. Did we-- Did we blow up the bodega?
:'''Dendy''': ''[Whispering]'' Shh! Don’t draw attention to us.
===''You're in Control'' [1.53–54]===
== [[OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes (Season 2)|Season 2]] ==
===''Seasons Change'' [2.01]===
===''Lord Cowboy Darrell'' [2.02]===
===''Plaza Film Festival'' [2.03]===
===''Be A Team'' [2.04]===
===''My Fair Carol'' [2.05]===
===''Let's Watch the Boxmore Show'' [2.06]===
===''Your World is an Illusion'' [2.07]===
===''The So-Bad-ical'' [2.08]===
===''Point to the Plaza'' [2.09]===
===''TKO's House'' [2.10]===
===''Red Action to the Future'' [2.11]===
===''Dendy's Power'' [2.12]===
===''Special Delivery'' [2.13]===
===''Wisdom, Strength and Charisma'' [2.14]===
===''Bittersweet Rivals'' [2.15]===
===''Are You Ready for Some Megafootball?!'' [2.16]===
===''Mystery Sleepover'' [2.17]===
===''Crossover Nexus'' [2.18]===
:'''K.O.''': Hey, what's this spooky dump? And where are my friends?
:'''Strike''': I am Strike. Howdy, hero -- and toodle loo!
:'''K.O.''': What, me?! I-I'm still just a hero in training.
:'''Strike''': Yeah, I don't care. ''[activates his pen to destroy K.O. as he whimpers but Garnet saves him just in time]''
:'''K.O.''': Huh? Wha-- Who?
:'''Garnet''': No time for introductions.
:'''Ben Tennyson''': Guys, this way! Come on!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Four Arms''': It's hideous!
:'''K.O.''': Huh? Who are all these guys?
:'''Garnet''': They must be heroes that couldn't escape Strike's…strike. Let's keep moving.
:'''Four Arms''': Man, if Strike X'ed all these guys, he must be may stronger than I thought.
:'''K.O.''': If all these heroes couldn't stop him, what could the three of us possibly do?
:'''Raven''': ''[off-screen]'' Do what he isn't expecting, and go to his lair.
:'''K.O.''': That's a great idea, Garnet!
:'''Garnet''': I didn't say anything, K.O.
:'''K.O.''': Ben?
:'''Four Arms''': Dude, did that honestly sound like my voice to you?
:'''Raven''': I said it.
:'''K.O.''': ''[gasps as he sees her stuck to the wall]'' A hero!
:'''Raven''': Hi.
:'''K.O.''': ''[runs over and tries to get her unstuck]'' You've got X'ed by Strike, but you can still talk and stuff?
:'''Raven''': I got protection spell off just before he X'ed me. ''[Garnet punches the wall with her gauntlet, freeing her]'' Thanks…you?
:'''Garnet''': Garnet.
:'''K.O.''': K.O.!
:'''Four Arms''': Four Arms -- and Ben -- and, like, a bunch of other guys, too --
:'''Garnet''': ''[covers Four Arms' mouth]'' We need to know who you are and what this place is.
:'''Raven''': I'm part of a group of superheroes called the Teen Titans. My name's Raven. Uh, excuse me? ''["Magician" changes to "half-Azarathian, half-demon sorceress"]'' That's better. Before I got X'ed out, I learned this used to be a great city of heroes, but Strike appeared and stole everyone's powers. He was still hungry, so he started summoning heroes from other dimensions to destroy. If we don't stop him, there'll be no heroes left…anywhere.
:'''K.O.''': But why would he do something so cob-darn awful?
:'''Raven''': Eh, it's his thing. It's what he does. He's like evil, you know pure evil or whatever.
:'''Four Arms''': Seems like this dude always has the element of surprise.
:'''Garnet''': Maybe we should surprise him, and ambush him at his lair.
:'''Raven''': That was literally the first thing I said.
:'''K.O.''': Raven, wanna join us?
:'''Raven''': Eh, I don't know. I was having such a great time as a lifeless statue.
:'''K.O.''': ''[hugs Raven joyfully]'' Ooh, a new friend! You can be the brains of our team.
:'''Raven''': As usual.
:'''K.O.''': Hey, Raven? Where is this evil lair anyway?
:'''Raven''': Over there -- the giant fortress just past the impassable chasm.
:'''K.O.''': Oh, okay. Neat.
:'''Raven''': Ehh. Still smarter than Beast Boy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ben Tennyson''': Hey, jerk!
:'''Strike''': What?
:'''Raven, K.O., Garnet, and Ben Tennyson''': OK Ben Let's Go Universe!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ben Tennyson''': My Omnitrix! Why isn't this thing working?!
:'''K.O.''': Ben! It's okay! Your Omni-thingy was made with Strike's power, and he has the power to summon any hero into this world.
:'''Ben Tennyson''': (''chuckles'') I see where your going with this. It's Hero Time!
:'''K.O.''': You just need… a power fist! Because my penis is way more powerful than stupid shrek!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ben Tennyson''': Well, time to get going. Bye, guys! Gwen's gonna flip when she hears about this.
===''Monster Party'' [2.19]===
===''Super Black Friday'' [2.20]===
===''Final Exams'' [2.21]===
===''Soda Genie'' [2.22]===
===''Carol Quest'' [2.23]===
===''Plaza Alone'' [2.24]===
===''Boxman Crashes'' [2.25]===
===''All in the Villainy'' [2.26]===
===''Sidekick Scouts'' [2.27]===
===''Whacky Jaxxyz'' [2.28]===
===''Project Ray Way'' [2.29]===
===''I Am Jethro'' [2.30]===
===''GarQuest'' [2.31]===
===''Gar Trains Punching Judy'' [2.32]===
===''Beach Episode'' [2.33]===
===''OK A.U.! Alternate Universe'' [2.34]===
===''K.O.'s Health Week'' [2.35]===
===''Rad's Alien Sickness'' [2.36]===
===''Dark Plaza'' [2.37–38]===
==[[OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes (Season 3)|Season 3]]==
===''We Are Heroes'' [3.01]===
===''K.O., Rad, and Enid!'' [3.02]===
===''T.K.O. Rules!'' [3.03]===
===''Chip's Damage'' [3.04]===
===''K.O. vs. Fink'' [3.05]===
===''The K.O. Trap'' [3.06]===
===''Whatever Happened to... Rippy Roo?'' [3.07]===
===''Planet X'' [3.08]===
===''Deep Space Vacation'' (<big>100</big>{{small|th}} episode) [3.09]===
===''Let's Meet [[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]'' [3.10]===
:'''K.O.''': Alright, Rad and Enid, are you ready for another action-packed day of protecting our hero plaza from evil robots?
:'''Rad''': Sorry, K.O., we stayed up all night playing videos game. I'm so tired, I don't care what happens. I'm gonna sleep through all of it! (''snores'')
:'''Enid''': Seconded.
:'''K.O.''': Bu-but… working at Gar's means we must always be alert! You never know when a legendary hero might 3D blast through our doors!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sonic''': You be careful now, kid. ''[puts down Nanini]'' Can't have anyone getting hurt on my watch.
:'''Genesis and Nanini''': ''[excitedly]'' It's really him! ''[run off, squealing]''
:'''K.O.''': ''[gasps]'' Can it be? Are you ''the'' legendary Sonic the Hedgehog with a Power Level of Ring?!
:'''Sonic''': The one and only, yep.
===''Big Reveal'' [3.11]===
===''Radical Rescue'' [3.12]===
===''Let's Get Shadowy'' [3.13]===
===''You're a Good Friend, K.O.'' [3.14]===
===''Red Action 3: Grudgement Day'' [3.15]===
===''Carl'' [3.16]===
===''Dendy's Video Channel'' [3.17]===
===''Let's Fight to the End'' [3.18-19]===
:'''Shadowy Venomous''': I THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING YOUR PLACE, BOY!
===''Thank You For Watching the Show'' [3.20]===
:'''K.O.''': ''[last lines]'' Thank you for watching the show!
==Cast==
*{{w|Stephanie Nadolny}} (Episodes 1, 4-6) and {{w|Courtenay Taylor}} (rest of the series) – K.O.
*{{w|Ashly Burch}} – Enid
*{{w|Ian Jones-Quartey}} – Radicles (Rad), Darrell
*{{w|David Herman}} – Mr. Gar, Jethro
*{{w|Kate Flannery}} – Carol
*{{w|Melissa Fahn}} – Dendy
*{{w|Jim Cummings}} – Lord Boxman
*{{w|Kari Wahlgren}} – Shannon
*{{w|Robbie Daymond}} – Raymond
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://ok-ko.wikia.com/wiki/OK_K.O.!_Wiki] – OK K.O.! Wiki page
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Anime-influenced Western animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Crossover animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Superhero comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Teen superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
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Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks
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198884
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TheNewKindAdaptableKayak
3101673
/* Mi Galeon [3.08] */
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text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks|Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks]]''''' (or '''''Jakers''''' in [[w:Europe|Europe]]) is a [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:children's television series|children's television series]]. The series was broadcast in the [[w:United States|United States]] on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]]. It was also broadcast in Australia on ABC Kids.
==Season 1==
===Pie Filling [1.1]===
:'''Wiley''': ''[spits out the grass he's eating]'' Blah! What's with this grass? It's got no flavor! No oomph! It needs salt. Maybe a touch of oregano. ''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan rush past him]'' Hey! We're grazing here! ...On baa-aa-aad grass. ''[to his flock]'' Hey, you know what? ''[the flock stare confused at Wiley]'' Of course you don't. But follow me anyway. Those kids are always eating. I'll bet they got great stuff. And they don't even have to pull it out of the ground with their teeth!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Hitch up the caboose, fellas, the gravy train just pulled in!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': But what if Mammy made a big mistake, and didn't put in enough sugar? Now, wouldn't that be just terrible? She'd be so embarrassed! "Jakers!", she'd say. "Never again, will I be able to hold my head up in polite company! I didn't put enough sugar in my pie! Oh...!" ''[faints dramatically]''
<hr width=50% />
:''[After the children have eaten the filling in the pie.]''
:'''Ferny''': Do you think your mother will notice, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Only if she looks.
:'''Dannan''': ''[panics]'' Oh, no! What have we done, what have we done?! This is a disaster! A disaster! This is all your fault, Piggley! We're going to get in big, ''BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-'''''BIG''' TROUBLE!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[carried by a crane toward the pie in the window]'' Lower, lower. That's it. Hold it. ''[sniffs the pie]'' Oh, that's music to my nose. ''[the crust deflates]'' Holy hairball, they sucked the pippins right out of it! And they didn't even make snickerdoodles! Pull me up, flock!
:''[Wiley is hoisted up, banging his head on the roof, before he is moved away from the roof.]''
:'''Wiley''': I want pie, and those kids are my meal ticket!
:''[Wiley drops to the ground.]''
:'''Wiley''': Will somebody please tell Fluffy to quit getting so close to the GEARS?!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': Jakers, Ferny! I'm doing all the jumping. Why are ''you'' breathing so hard? ''[the goat snorts out steam behind Piggley; he gets scared]'' And... and, and... snorting?! ''[feels the goat's beard]'' And... when did you start shaving?
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:''[The goat sends Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan flying while in the cow costume.]''
:'''Seamus''': ''[Sean's voice]'' Hold it, Grandpa. Hold it. You mean the goat rammed all three of you into the air?
:'''Sean''': ''[Seamus' voice]'' In a goat costume?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Now, boys, do I look to you the sort of person who'd make up a thing like that?
:'''Sean''': Did it make your rump sore?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Well, I do still get a twinge in me backside every now and then.
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:'''Wiley''': ''[meeting with the goat]'' Psst. Hey, buddy. Hiya, handsome. Like those apples, huh? Ever had them in a pie? Sure, you get crumbs in your beard, but you could use one of them little crumbs, get it right out. ''[the goat angrily snorts at Wiley]'' Right. You're busy. You got goat business, right? Haha, gotcha. There's no business like goat business. Forgive me. I'll just help myself to a few of your apples here, before I take my leave. Is that alright?
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:'''Wiley''': ''[eating the apples]'' Wow, wowers! Mm, this is good, this is good, this is really good! My tongue is throwing a party for my mouth! What aroma, what bouquet! Oh, this is so delicious! Mm!
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:''[The goat angrily enters the house.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[nervously]'' Hello, goat. You wouldn't... by any chance... be after... these apples?
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:''[After the Winks' kitchen has been trashed by the goat.]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh, your mother's going to be powerful mad!
:'''Piggley''': Plan B. Molly, you go keep Mammy busy outside. We're going to clean up! Like Captain Clean of the Clean Brigade on a really clean, cleany day!
:'''Molly''': Okay, Piggley! ''[goes outside to distract Elly]'' Mammy! You came back!
:'''Elly''': Well, yes. I live here, don't you know?
:'''Molly''': ''[hanging on Mammy's arm]'' Oh! I am so glad you came home! Now you can... uh... you can hear me alphabet!
:'''Elly''': Oh, not right now, pet. I have things to-
:'''Molly''': A, B, C... Q, R, 1... I am not so nearly done.
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:''[While cleaning the house, the kids have forgotten about the pie.]''
:'''Dannan''': AAH! PIGGLEY! THE PIE!!!
:'''Piggley and Ferny''': THE PIE!!!
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:''[Recounting eating the badly-made apple pie.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': That pie tasted every bit as bad as a bullfrog's bunion. But guess what? We ate it. We ate every last bite. Ugh... Just thinking about it makes me stomach turn somersaults.
===Salmon of Knowledge [1.2]===
:'''Piggley''': ''[telling Ferny about the Salmon of Knowledge]'' A long time ago, in the clear blue waters of Lough Derg, there lived a simple salmon. Hanging over his watery home, there was a very special hazelnut. And inside each and every nut on that tree was all the knowledge in the whole world. One day, one of those nuts fell into the loch. And the salmon gobbled it all up, filling him to the gills with everything there is to know about... well... absolutely everything.
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:'''Wiley''': ''[after hearing Piggley's story of the Salmon]'' Wow. A fish who knows everything. Think of the brain on that guy. Think of it. A fish with a giant head. And nut-crackin' teeth, big chompers! Hey, if a big-headed fish with teeth can get so smart from one little nut, think of what it can do for us sheep!
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:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan have caught a small fish that they think is the Salmon of Knowledge. They are keeping it in the well on the farmyard.]''
:'''Dannan''': Do you really think that's the Salmon of Knowledge, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Course, it is! ''[to Ferny]'' Go ahead. Ask him somethin'. He knows everythin'.
:'''Ferny''': Uh... ''[clears throat]'' Uh, Mr. Brainy Fish, uh, sir. Do ya... Uh, do ya know what, uh... I had for breakfast this mornin'?
:''[The fish looks up at Ferny, blows one bubble, then swims away from him.]''
:'''Piggley''': There. See? He says "Yes". He knows.
:'''Dannan:''' I didn't hear anything.
:'''Piggley''': One bubble means "yes", and two bubbles means "no".
:'''Dannan''': Okay, so what did Ferny have for breakfast today, hmm?
:'''Piggley''': Mr. Salmon says he had... ''[deep breath; quickly]'' Six eggs, fried spuds, soda bread with marmalade, fruit, kippers, beans, and mushrooms, and porridge with milk, the top of the bottle.
:'''Ferny''': Oh... That's absolutely amazing! It really ''is'' the Salmon of Knowledge!
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:'''Piggley''': Hey, Ferny. What do you wanna do tomorrow?
:'''Ferny''': Well, I usually study on Sunday. But there's no need for that now, right?
:'''Piggley''': No, sir. Not while we've got Mr. Smart Fish around.
:''[Ferny's stomach starts growling.]''
:'''Ferny''': Janey Mack, I'm really hungry. ''[realizes something; gasps in horror]'' Wait! I didn't ''have'' breakfast this mornin'!
:'''Piggley''': ''[unfazed]'' Huh. So?
:'''Ferny''': The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong! THE SALMON OF KNOWLEDGE WAS <big>'''''WRONG!!!'''''</big> ''[echoing]''
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:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Take your time, and more carefully, you'll have no trouble as long as you've studied.
:'''Piggley''': Or as long as you've got a fish with a brain as big as Mammy's icebox.
===Ferny is a Bug [1.3]===
:''[Padrig finds Piggley getting swarmed by bugs.]''
:'''Padrig''': Careful with them fairies, son.
:'''Piggley''': "Fairies"?! Why, they're just bugs, dad.
:'''Padrig''': They ''could'' be bugs. Or they could be fairies in disguise. Fairies do that, you know.
:''[A bug flies on Piggley's hand.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[disgusted]'' Agh... Nothin' this ugly could be a fairy, dad.
:'''Padrig''': Careful. They don't care much now for insults. They just might turn ''you'' into a bug as well.
:''[One of the chickens pecks at Piggley's hand, eating the bug.]''
:'''Piggley''': Ow!
:'''Padrig''': Fairies work in mysterious ways, you know.
:'''Piggley''': ''[chuckles]'' Ah, you're just havin' me on. ''[beat]'' Aren'tcha?
:'''Padrig''': ''[laughs]'' Why don'tcha run along and play now, Piggley? These chickens are fed enough.
:'''Piggley''': Thanks, dad! ''[runs off, passing Elly]'' Bye, mam!
:'''Elly''': ''[to Padrig]'' Now, what do you want to tell the boy stories like ''that'' for?
:'''Padrig''': ''[laughs]'' Don't worry. Not even Piggley would believe that one!
===The Case of Big Sty [1.4]===
:''[The mystery show ''Piggley Trotter, Private Eye ''is playing on the radio.]''
:'''Piggley Trotter''': This is my town - a good town, with good people, and one bad one. Master criminal Big Sty had given me the slip again, and... I was calling it quits for the day. I headed for home, taking a shortcut through the park. That's when ''she'' walked up. She was prettier than a French poodle. The smile that made the chickens cackle.
:'''Mysterious lady''': Mr. Trotter... I need your help.
:'''Piggley''': ''[listening to the radio]'' It's a mysterious lady!
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Piggley Trotter''': Helping is my specialty, ma'am.
:'''Mysterious lady''': I think I'm being followed.
:''[Molly gasps.]''
:'''Mysterious lady''': Followed by... Big Sty, master of disguise.
:''[Piggley wears a wig made of blue yarn, scaring Molly.]''
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Mysterious lady''': No... I-- I...
:'''Big Sty''': ''[disguised as a policeman; speaking in a Cockney accent]'' Come with me, ma'am. I'll take ya down the station.
:'''Piggley''': No, no! Don't go with him, mysterious lady! Don't go!
:'''Piggley Trotter''': She's not going anywhere with you... '''''Big Sty!!'''''
:''[Piggley gasps, then falls to the floor.]''
:'''Elly''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Big Sty''': Ohhh! Curses! How did you know it was me, Trotter?!
:'''Piggley Trotter''': Policemen don't... wear... rubber... boots!
:'''Big Sty''': Ohhhhhh! Foiled again!
===All Night Long [1.5]===
:'''Seamus''': Oh, no! Crummy old wind!
:'''Shawn''': Dumb leaves!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Hey. What's this now?
:'''Sean''': Mom wants us to sweep off the driveway.
:'''Seamus''': But it's too windy!
:'''Sean''': Every time we get the leaves and stuff into a pile, the wind comes along and ''[throws the leaves in the air]'' "boofa-shisha-bwuwuf"!
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:'''Sean''': I quit!
:'''Seamus''': Me too!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Are my ears deceiving me, or did I hear me own flesh and blood say the word "quit"?
:'''Seamus''': Grandpa, when something's ''this'' impossible, you ''have'' to give up!
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:'''Molly''': What's so great about fishing?
:'''Padrig''': Well, now. On Lake Beghorra, ya never know what you might see. Like the time not too long ago when I was out fishin'. I wasn't catchin' so much as a cold. Then all of a sudden, I hooked the strangest thing. A '''hat!''' A red '''hat!'''
:''[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]''
:'''Padrig''': It wasn't too long before a fella came swimmin' by, lookin' for the hat.
:''[Dannan, Molly, and Sweets gasp.]''
:'''Padrig''': I gave it back to him, and... he thanked me kindly. Then he disappeared beneath the water.
:'''Ferny''': ''[gasps]'' Janey Mack!
:'''Piggley''': Then what happened, dad?
:'''Padrig''': Well, now... The next thing I knew, like a streak of light, me boat was jettin' across the lake, sure I couldn't see what was pullin' me, then suddenly, I came to a stop. I was at a part of the lake I'd never seen before. Lookin' around, I thought I saw that fella with the red hat swimmin' away. Then, a fish tail as big as your side slapped the water! And he was gone.
:'''Piggley''': Jakers! A... A [[w:merman|merman]]!
:'''Ferny''': Oh... A fishy fello.
:'''Padrig''': Well, I can't say for sure, lads. All I know is that very place where me boat stopped... turned out to be the best fishin' spot of all time.
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:'''Padrig''': It's a long time sittin' in a boat, you know. Nowhere to go, nothin' to do.
:'''Piggley''': We don't mind. ''[has Ferny's voice]'' We love sittin'. With... nothin' to do.
:'''Padrig''': It's a lot of responsibility, you know.
:'''Dannan''': We love responsibility.
:'''Padrig''': I'll be leavin' at the crack of dawn.
:'''Piggley''': We loooooove, looove gettin' up early! We'll all spend the night here, so we can leave first thing in the morning.
:'''Ferny''': Oh! That's a good idea!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, that's a great idea!
:'''Padrig''': Now hold on a minute! I didn't say I'd take you!
:''[The kids start begging simultaneously.]''
:'''Piggley''': Pleeeaaaase?!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, pleeeeaaaase?!
:'''Ferny''': Pleeeaaase!
:'''Padrig''': We'll see how things go in the morning.
:''[The kids cheer.]''
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:''[Wiley is bothered by his flock's loud snoring keeping him awake.]''
:'''Wiley''': Listen to that! It's like living in a buzz-saw factory! What I need is a glass of warm milk. Now that should put me out like a fuzzy light.
:''[Wiley places a cup under the cow's udders, and waits for it to produce milk, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay. Go. ''[getting impatient]'' Any time now. I'm waiting. ''[notices the cow's tail]'' Aha! She's got a handle! Like a pump! She's a pump cow!
:''[Wiley starts pulling the cow's tail up and down like a pump, but this causes the cow to angrily kick Wiley across the barn and into a large haystack.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[from within]'' Got milk? No.
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:'''Wiley''': Ever smell a barn? They're not minty fresh.
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:''[Ferny has reeled in Wiley's blanket, and Wiley is attempting to pull it back.]''
:'''Wiley''': Mother Nature is stealing my blanket! And she's very strong.
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:'''Padrig''': What's all this ruckus now?!
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:''[Wiley wakes up with a start after being knocked unconscious against the wall from his tug-of-war with the kids over his blanket.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[frightened]'' BAAAAAA! What--? Where--? Who--? Wow. What a dream I had. So vivid, so real, so... painful! Sleep is tough. Not sleeping is even tougher. What am I gonna do? Maybe I should sleep on it.
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:''[Padrig catches the kids having a pillow fight.]''
:'''Piggley''': Oh... Uh, hi, dad. Um... I can explain. You see--
:'''Padrig''': Explain to me how you think you can sit still on a boat, when you can't even stay in bed.
:'''Piggley''': But we were getting our--
:'''Padrig''': BED.
:'''Piggley''': Yes, dad. ''[returns to bed with Ferny and Dannan]''
:'''Padrig''': And I don't want to have to come back here again. ''[leaves]''
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:'''Ferny''': ''[angry]'' Janey Mack, Piggley, why did you start a pillow fight?!
:'''Piggley''': I didn't start it!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Dannan''': ''[covers the boys' mouths with her hands]'' '''STOOOOOOOP!!!'''
:''[Padrig hears the yelling.]''
:'''Padrig''': ''[angry]'' <big>'''''PIGGLEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!'''''</big>
:'''Piggley''': ''[turns off the lamp]'' We're asleep!
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:''[Molly wakes up and finds Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan making jam sandwiches.]''
:'''Molly''': What are you all doin'?
:'''Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan''': Shhh!
:'''Piggley''': We're makin' a picnic lunch for dad!
:'''Molly''': Why are you doin' that?
:''[Dannan, then Piggley, then Ferny take turns shushing Molly.]''
:'''Ferny''': Ugh... It's for the fishing trip tomorrow!
:'''Molly''': Oh...
:'''Dannan''': I'll take Molly back to bed. You boys go ahead and make the sandwiches.
:'''Molly''': Will you make one for me too, Piggley? Pleeeaaase?
:'''Piggley''': Okay, okay. Just be quiet!
:'''Molly''': Sweets, too? '''''Pleeeease!'''''
:'''Piggley''': Ugh, fine...
:''[Dannan takes Molly back to bed.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[to Ferny]'' Jakers...
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:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan think that they're not going fishing with Padrig due to their mischief tonight.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, well. We can always play "pirates" tomorrow, instead.
:'''Ferny''': Pirates will be fun.
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:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are outside catching grasshoppers as fishing bait for Padrig.]''
:'''Padrig''': ''[from inside]'' I wouldn't be hearin' children outside, would I?!
:'''Piggley''': ''[heads back in with Ferny and Dannan]'' We're all asleep, dad!
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:''[The next morning...]''
:'''Piggley''': Dad! Wait for us!
:'''Padrig''': After playin' around all night, you think you deserve to go with me?
:'''Piggley''': But, dad! We weren't playin'!
:'''Padrig''': I'm sorry.
:'''Piggley''': But the merman!
:'''Padrig''': Maybe another time, Piggley.
:''[Just then, he notices the jar of grasshoppers that Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan caught last night.]''
:'''Padrig''': What's all this now?
:''[Padrig picks up the jar and examines it.]''
:'''Padrig''': So, is this what you rascals were up to last night? You know, you should all be out pickin' spuds today for keepin' everyone up all night. But I suppose your hearts were in the right place. So, are ya gonna stand there all mornin'... or are we going fishing?
:''[The kids cheer.]''
===Picture Perfect [1.6]===
:''[After Piggley takes a picture of Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Wowee-wow-wow-wow! I've been photographed, captured on film, recorded for posterity! Just picture it: my face, appearing everywhere - newspapers, magazines, the post office! Hold it. Strike that post office. I don't wanna be ''that'' wanted. I could be big! I could be famous! I could be big and famous! I could go to the big city, meet up with destiny, get a decent cheeseburger. I gotta get that kid to take another picture of me. Maybe a nice 8 by 10 glossy, a couple of candids, some good commercial shots, maybe a full-figured cheesecake matte finish.
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:'''Wiley''': There he is. My shot at the big time. I could be on Broadway, in the movies, on the radio. No. No, not the radio. They can't see me on the radio, not even if they sit real close.
===Teacher Creature [1.7]===
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Class, over the next few weeks, I will be visiting each of your families for supper. The first family I will be visiting is... '''''Piggley's'''''.
:''[Everyone, including Piggley, is shocked.]''
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:'''Ferny''': Are you tellin' me that Mr. Hornsby is going to be comin' right into me very own home?
:'''Dannan''': It's unnatural, I tell ya! It shouldn't be allowed! Why, I've never heard of such a thing in all me life!
:'''Ferny''': Oh. Well, I thought you really like Mr. Hornsby, Dannan.
:'''Dannan''': I do... in the classroom. That's where he belongs, and that's just where he'd ought to stay!
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:''[Piggley imagines how Mr. Hornsby's visit to his family will go.]''
:'''Padrig''': Well, Hornsby...
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': That's '''Mr.''' Hornsby!
:'''Elly''': ''[clears her throat]'' Would you like some--
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Please raise your hand before speakin'.
:''[Piggley nervously slides underneath the table.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Ohhhh, sit up, young man!
:''[Piggley sits up straight. This causes Molly to laugh.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Who is laughin'?!
:''[Piggley points to Molly, who immediately sits up straight.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': ''[tuts disappointed]'' Oh... ''[starts grading the family one by one]'' "F", "F", "F"... '''"F".'''
:''[Molly pats her chest, then burps. The family gasps in horror. Mr. Hornsby is furious.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': ''[dramatically clearing his throat]'' '''''Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-em?!''''' That is one more big... fat... '''"F".'''
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:''[Wiley and the flock are in the barn, itching all over.]''
:'''Wiley''': Hopping hairballs! What ''is'' this?! We're infested! Inhabited! Lemme put it this way, flock. We got bugs! I know what you're thinkin'. Where do they come from? Why are they here? Should we charge rent?
:''[The flock tries to pick the bugs off of each other.]''
:'''Wiley''': No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! Not like that! That's how monkeys do it! We got no thumbs.
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:''[Piggley imagines Mr. Hornsby overworking him and Ferny.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Alright, now. Two plus two! Four plus four! The square root of 9! Name the seven wonders of the world. What was William Shakespeare's middle name? You'd better pick up the pace, boys. You remember what happened to your little friend Dannan.
:''[Dannan is sitting on a stool peeling potatoes while wearing a dunce cap.]''
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:''[Wiley and the flock are still itching.]''
:'''Wiley''': What can we learn from our friends, the warthogs?
:''[One of the sheep, Carl, excitedly raises his hand and bleats.]''
:'''Wiley''': Let's pretend Carl is a warthog. ''[Carl is offended]'' A big, fuzzy, wooly warthog. Eh... A ''good-looking'' warthog. Hey, handsome! But he's crawling with bugs! However, being a smart - oddly alluring - warthog, Carl knows exactly what to do. Stop, drop, and roll!
:''[Wiley sends Carl rolling across the field.]''
:'''Wiley''': And like the clever warthog, Carl knows to clean his wool by covering himself in earthen filth.
:''[Carl rolls over Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[annoyed]'' Unfortunately, being Carl... ''[Carl runs him over again]'' '''''He doesn't know when to stop!''''' ''[Carl runs him over once more]'' That is one clean sheep.
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:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan try to get an apple for Mr. Hornsby by pulling a tree branch down to them with ropes. After struggling, the apple is now dangling within Dannan's reach.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh. There it is! I'll get it!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[narrating]'' Dannan reached out to pluck the little beauty, and...
:''[As soon as Dannan plucks the apple off the tree, Piggley and Ferny are launched through the air, screaming as they fly out of the orchard, then out of Ireland, then into space.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[narrating]'' We flew into the air, and shot right through the stratosphere. Clear out into space we flew! All the way to the surface of the moon! Where we were met by a couple of crazy-looking moon men!
:'''Sean, Seamus, and Meg''': Grandpa!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Uh, what's the problem, children?
:'''Meg''': ''[in disbelief]'' You flew all the way to space and landed on the moon.
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Well... Maybe we didn't actually fly into space.
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:'''Mr. Hornsby''': There once was a student who got in ''big'' trouble for something he didn't even do.
:'''Piggley''': What didn't he do?
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': His homework.
===Molly's Dolly [1.8]===
:''[After seeing Wiley run past with Molly's leprechaun doll on his back.]''
:'''Piggley''': If he is a leprechaun, he's probably headed for his pot of gold! Come on!
:'''Elly''': ''[calling from inside]'' Piggley! It's time for supper!
:'''Piggley''': Aaaahhh, no! It's always suppertime at the wrong time!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[reading from Elly's book about leprechauns]'' "Leprechauns are excellent shoemakers, but they only make one shoe, never a pair." Hmm. "When he's finished with his work, the leprechaun always makes a delicious feast. He can sometimes be seen riding a dog or a sheep. All leprechauns--"
:''[Piggley remembers seeing Molly's doll riding on Wiley.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[gasps]'' <big>'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!'''''</big> He rides a sheep?! Jakers! That doll ''is'' a real leprechaun!
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:'''Wiley''': Good morning, flock. Yesterday's run was a stunning success. You should've been there. And of course, you weren't. And I know why. Motivation. You need a ''reason'' to run. And what could that reason be? Simple. A prize.
:''[Wiley's flock bleats excitedly.]''
:'''Wiley''': That's right. First sheep to finish the annual Wiley Cross-Country Sheep Race wins... a prize.
:''[Wiley's flock bleats with excitement again, then starts racing, running over Wiley in the process.]''
:'''Wiley''': Now ''that's''... motivation. Motivation... and pain.
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:''[After the sheep have finished their race...]''
:'''Wiley''': What a race, what a race! The wind in our wool, the sound of thundering hooves, a chicken on my back... Okay, the chicken was a little weird, but the rest was great!
:''[The flock murmurs in confusion.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, oh yeah, yeah, the winner of the race, right, right. Uh... ''[clears throat]'' It is with great sheeply pleasure that I declare the winner is none other than Fluffy!
:''[The flock bleats excitedly.]''
:'''Wiley''': And his prize is... a deep sense of pride in knowing he's done his very best. Congratulations, Fluffy!
:''[The flock all bleat in confusion, then all approach Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, I'm sensing a modicum of disappointment here. Look. I'm a farm animal. What'd you expect, a burger and fries? Oh, I see. Uh, great, great, you want another race. A rematch. Okay, perfect. Work those legs and breathe that air. You're too close! You're too close!
===Song of the Banshee [1.9]===
:'''Wiley''': Welcome, folk. I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today. ''[the flock doesn't respond]'' Okay. Let's ''pretend'' you're all wondering why I called you here today. Glad you asked. I think it was [[w:Aristotle|Aristotle]] who said, "How about a song? Gimme a song." And he... He was a smart guy. ''[still no response]'' Look. We're sheep. But that doesn't mean we can't develop a little culture. We gotta sing! We gotta dance! We gotta ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha! ''[still no response]'' Well, okay. Alright, we'll start with the singing, and end with the "ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha". Let's go, sheep! ''[starts singing]'' My wiiiild I-I-I-Irish rooooose... The sweetest flower that-- ''[stops singing when he notices that the flock isn't singing along]'' I'm singing to an oil painting here.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are pretending to be pirates in the barn.]''
:'''Piggley''': For crimes against the Jolly Roger, including tryin' to steal the treasure chest, I, Captain Piggley, sentence you, Dastardly Dannan, to walk the plank. Any last words before we throw you to the sharks?!
:''[The sharks are just the chickens.]''
:'''Dannan''': I have been unjustly accused as a traitor! The ghost of Dastardly Dannan will return for revenge!
:''[Dannan jumps off the plank and lands on the floor, amongst the chickens. Piggley and Ferny look down.]''
:'''Ferny''': ''[victoriously]'' Aaarrrr!
:''[Suddenly, the kids all hear an eerie wail.]''
:'''Dannan''': What's that?!
:'''Ferny''': W-Where's it comin' from?
:'''Piggley''': Maybe... It's the ghost of Dastardly Dannan!
:'''Dannan''': It couldn't be! I'm right here! Maybe the chickens have a stomachache!
:'''Piggley''': Or maybe... it's a banshee!
:'''Ferny''': ''[scared]'' '''''A BANSHEE!!!'''''
:'''Dannan''': ''[scared]'' A banshee...?!
:'''Piggley''': Terrible, ghost-like banshee that dresses all in black, and wears a great, huge hood over its head, you know. ''[approaches Dannan]'' It floats into your room, moving right through the walls, and soars right up to you! Then, it starts to sing a song of doom. '''Doom...! Doooooom!'''
:''[The eerie wailing returns. The kids all scream in terror and flee the barn.]''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Don Toro''': Ah, it's too bad, little Dannan. It seems that you believe more in banshees than you believe in your friends.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[getting his flock's attention]'' Hey! There's [[w:Lassie|Lassie]]! Thank you. Remember last night, when we were trying to... sing? Well... it stunk. But tonight, we're gonna make it different. We're gonna shoot for the stars. Tonight, we're gonna go for mediocre! Okay, we're gonna use the buddy system, we're gonna divide up into groups. Now, I want high voices over here, low voices over there... ''[the flock starts moving around]'' Large voices here... Wait. Short voices... Hold it. ''[groans]'' STOP, STOP!!!
:''[The flock crashes and pile up on each other.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay, new plan. We're all going to stand in one place. That's perfect.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny''': Are you alright?
:'''Piggley''': You scared the living daylights out of me!
:'''Ferny''': It's okay, Dannan. I just scared Piggley a bit.
:'''Piggley''': I wasn't scared.
:'''Ferny''': You said you were. You said I scared the living daylights out of you.
:'''Dannan''': Well, I'm really scared right now!
:'''Piggley''': No, you're not. You're not afraid of anything, Dannan.
:'''Dannan''': Uh... except... BANSHEES!!! I really hate banshees!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Whoa, hold it, stop, please, before we make anything with ears angry! Okay, let's face it, we can't sing. We're baa-aa-aad singers. Which is strange, since you guys are Irish. But... I'll bet you can dance. And a-one... And a-two... ''[starts dancing]'' Watch me, flock! I'm a dancer! I'm a dancing fool! I'm a... ''[stops dancing]'' I'm an idiot. I'm dancing all by myself here.
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:'''Wiley''': ...bloom from my wild Irish... roooooose...! Okay, one more time! My wild... Irish rooo-'''''ooooooooose!'''''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Just sheep, just sheep? We are not just sheep! I am a star, and this is my audience!
:''[The flock claps for Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. You've been a great flock. I'll be here every Thursday through Saturday, two shows on Friday. And now, we dance!
===Our Dragon's Egg [1.10]===
:''[The children are singing as they pretend to be dragon-hunting knights.]''
:'''Piggley''': We brave knights be huntin' for dragons.
:'''Dannan''': With fiery breath and spiny backs.
:'''Ferny''': We'll trounce them all and fix their wagons...
:'''All''': Or... they will have us all for snacks! ''[echoing]''
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:''[Leaving Dannan in charge of the egg.]''
:'''Ferny''': Uh, Piggley, do you think the baby dragon might ''really'' eat Dannan?
:'''Piggley''': No. They only eat princesses.
:'''Ferny''': Oh. ''[Molly peeks over the gate]'' Piggley, where are we gonna find a princess?
:'''Molly''': I'm a princess. Someday, I'll be the queen.
:'''Ferny''': ''[bluntly]'' You're a goner.
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:''[Thinking Dannan was eaten by the "dragon".]''
:'''Ferny''': ''[singing sadly]'' Poor old Dannan is no more... The dragon gave a mighty roar... He swallowed Dannan whole today... Our friend Dannan's gone... away...
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[talking to another sheep]'' I tell you, I gave that egg the best minute of my life. ''[after a beat, he starts crying]'' Oh, where's my little honker? Where's my little oval? ''[blows his nose in the other sheep's wool]'' Where are you now, Eggy?
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:'''Padrig''': What's all the commotion, then?
:'''Elly''': Piggley has let a turkey loose in the kitchen.
:'''Piggley''': It's not a turkey! I'd never bring a turkey into the house!
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:'''Padrig''': You're right, Piggley. It's not a turkey.
:'''Elly''': Well, then, what is it?
:'''Piggley''': It's a dragon!
:'''Padrig''': It's a cygnet. A cygnet is a baby swan.
:'''Piggley''': A baby swan?!
===The Cat Came Back... and Back [1.11]===
:'''Hector''': Hey, Piggley Dink. I'll swap you some of that licorice... for nothin'!
===Good Neighbor [1.12]===
:'''Scary Monster Theater Announcer''': Ladies and gentlemen, don't be fooled. That ordinary barn across the way may not be so ordinary after all. It could just be the secret laboratory of... a mad scientist!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Now going to bed late and getting a good night's sleep after a mad scientist episode was always a bit of a challenge. And even though we knew it was all just pretend, it could sometimes cause our imaginations to get the better of us.
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:'''Grandpa Piggley''': The imagination is a wonderful, fascinating, terrifying thing, so it is. It can make mountains out of mountains, and monsters out of... just about anything.
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:'''Dannan''': ''[pretending to be a monster]'' Ferny, come out! I want your brain! Must... have... brain! ''[roars]'' Give me... BRAIN!!! ''[roars]''
:'''Don Toro''': I'm so sorry, monster, but I'm afraid I can't let you have Fernando's brain. You see, he uses it himself sometimes.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': The last time I got clipped, I got clipped. The guy had no sense of style. I'm a good-lookin' sheep, you know. I got an image to maintain. How would I look with a crewcut? Maybe a flattop. Give me that dangerous sheep look. "Hey, kids, leave that sheep alone. He's got a dangerous haircut." Yeah... I don't know. Maybe a ducktail.
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:'''Wiley''': ''[reading a feed bag]'' Wheat germ, flax seed, hay... ''[annoyed]'' Oats. That's the trouble with these feed bags. They all end the same. Oats.
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:'''Dannan''': What's in the bag?
:'''Piggley''': I don't think it's potatoes.
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:'''Ferny''': I wonder what else was in that sack he was draggin' in there.
:'''Dannan''': I'll bet there were some brains in it.
:'''Ferny''': Oh, you think so?
:'''Piggley''': Don't be daft. You don't put brains in a sack.
:'''Dannan''': And why not?
:'''Piggley''': They'd leak all over the place. You put brains in jars. Besides, Fergal doesn't have any brains yet. That's why he's making friends with Molly. So he can take ''hers.''
:'''Ferny''': Janey Mack.
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:'''Dannan''': I can't believe he wants ''Molly's'' brain! I mean, why couldn't he just take the brain of one of his other mad scientist friends?!
:'''Ferny''': Well, I don't think there are any other mad scientists around here to be friends with.
:'''Piggley''': Jakers! That's why he's making a monster!
:'''Dannan''': What?
:'''Piggley''': Fergal O'Hopper is building a monster to be his friend!
:'''Dannan''': A friend with the brain of your sister, Piggley!
:'''Ferny''': Well, why wouldn't he just make friends with your sister?!
:'''Piggley''': A mad scientist doesn't stop to think of those things. That's why they're mad, Ferny! And I won't have it, I tell you! I'm going over there right now to save Molly!
===Rock Around the Cluck [1.13]===
:'''Wiley''': ''[hearing Molly's violin playing]'' Wowie, wow-wow-wow. What is ''that?'' Whatever it is, it's BAA-AA-AAD. It sounds like it's in pain. It must be starving or something. A starving creature is not a good thing for us sheep. We're very tasty, you know. ''[runs to the flock]'' Okay, flock, don't panic. Run for your lives!
:''[The frightened flock stampede, running over Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': They can't catch you if you zig-zag! ''[runs after the flock in a zig-zag pattern]'' Zig-zag, zig-zag, zig-zag!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[hears Molly's violin again]'' You hear that? It's that sheep-eating thing again. So what are we gonna do? I'll tell you what we're gonna do, I'm glad you asked. We're gonna prepare. We're gonna learn what to do in case that thing stops screaming, and starts looking for a woolly midnight snack. First, we gotta figure out what that thing is. Let's say, it's a lion.
:''[A sheep bleats with question.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay, Shirley wants to know what a lion is. Who can answer that? ''[the sheep just look around]'' It seems like nobody, except me. And take it from me, you don't wanna know. So imagine instead a giant sheep-eating squirrel. ''[acts ferocious]'' Baaaaa! Baaaaa! Now, pretend I'm that squirrel. What do we do?
:''[A giant walnut falls next to Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Haha. You know, if I was that squirrel, and I was looking for nuts... you guys would be in big trouble.
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:'''Padrig''': Who's Cluck Cockwren?!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[describing his stage fright]'' And my confidence disappeared faster than a magician's rabbit.
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:'''Piggley''': Jakers. The place is packed. Everyone in the whole town is here.
:'''Dannan''': Of course they are. You told them to come, didn't you?
:'''Piggley''': I know, but...
:'''Ferny''': But? But? But what?
:'''Piggley''': Well, uh... What if we're not as good as Cluck Cockwren? What if we're not any good at all?
:'''Ferny''': Oh... But you said we were, Piggley. You told everyone.
:'''Dannan''': Oh... You better not have been messing with us, Piggley. It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were bad after all the fuss you made.
:'''Piggley''': Well, now... I ''think'' we're good. But you know... I'm not sure we're as good as Cluck.
:'''Dannan''': Oh, dear...
:'''Ferny''': Oh, Janey Mack...
===Donkeys Into Racehorses [1.14]===
:'''Wiley''': Would you look at that? We get grass, and the donkey gets fruit! ''[see a chicken eating a worm]'' And look at that! The chicken gets spaghetti! From the earth! Earth spaghetti! Who knew? ''[looks at another worm sticking out from the ground]'' Would you look at that? I can't eat this. What if I eat him and his friends come looking for him? Worse, what if they ''find'' him? Crawl free, buddy. ''[the worm slithers away]'' You know, someday, I may be in trouble, and that little squirmy guy might save my life. ''[the sheep look unamused]'' ...Yeah, I don't buy it either.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': I tell you, I'd never seen anything like it. All that oats made that old donkey run faster than any racehorse I'd ever seen before, or ever seen since. Like the lightning, he was! In fact, faster than lightning!
:'''Sean and Seamus''': Grandpa!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Okay. Maybe not as fast as all of that.
===Fir Not [1.15]===
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': We've been visited by a [[w:far darrig|fir darrig]].
:'''Sean''': Far jarry?
:'''Seamus''': Far jagger?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Fir. Darrig. Are you lads ever going to learn to speak the language?
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:''[Describing the fir darrig.]''
:'''Piggley''': He's about the size of a leprechaun. With a tail.
:'''Dannan''': And he has whiskers.
:'''Piggley''': And... huge flappy ears.
:'''Dannan''': And little beady eyes. ''[points to Wiley]'' Like him!
:'''Wiley''': Me?
:'''Dannan''': And a snout like you wouldn't believe.
:'''Piggley''': And broad shoulders!
:'''Dannan''': And teeny-tiny little feet.
:'''Wiley''': Delicate. Not tiny. Delicate.
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:'''Wiley''': Let's face it, Wiley. You got it. And what is "it"? I don't know. That's why it's called "it", instead of... Debbie.
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:''[The sheep are chasing after the pie on the fishing line like in a football game.]''
:'''Wiley''': Nice recovery by Darla! They don't call her the Wooly Wonder for nothing.
:''[The aforementioned sheep crashes.]''
:'''Wiley''': ...Come to think of it, they don't call her the Wooly Wonder.
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:'''Wiley''': What a game! What excitement! It's a kaleidoscope of competition! The thrill of victory, the agony of--
:''[The sheep running with the pie gets its wool pulled off by another. The sheep stops in embarrassment, before the pie is snatched away.]''
:'''Wiley''': ...a bald sheep with no pie!
<hr width=50% />
:''[Wiley gets the pie snatched away from him on the fishing line by Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]''
:'''Wiley''': Now ''that's'' fast food.
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:''[The pie has smashed a window on Piggley's house.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, now you've done it!
:'''Piggley''': Me?!
:'''Dannan''': You shouldn't have pulled so hard!
:'''Piggley''': It was Ferny who put his weight into it!
:'''Ferny''': Oh, but Dannan threw it off balance!
:'''Dannan''': Oh no, I did not!
:'''Ferny''': You did so!
:'''Dannan''': Did not!
:'''Piggley''': Did so!
:'''Ferny''': You were the one in front!
:'''Piggley''': I was barely touching it!
:'''Dannan''': You were stepping on my toes!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': You know, we didn't actually ''see'' the window break, did we?
:'''Dannan''': Trust me, Piggley. That's a ''BROKEN'' window.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Padrig''': If these fine, honest children say that this was done by a fir darrig, then that must have been the case. Why, they would never make up such a story. Everyone knows a fir darrig is a rascal to start with. And if you were to blame him for something he didn't do, well... he could be mean! Even downright spiteful!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': I'm gifted enough to perform any kind of story. Mystery? Haha! What's that? I don't know! Romance. Dare I tell you of my love? Dare I let the honeyed words drop slowly from my lips? I dare! Westerns! Howdy, partners. Howdy, ma'am. Reckon I'll head down the trail a piece. Some dude with a rig on his hip is a-takin' to make a heap of trouble, I reckon.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Padrig is pretending to scold Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]''
:'''Padrig''': Now, see here, you ruffians! How dare you break a window, then blame a poor innocent fir darrig for your own mischief! For shame! Shame, I say! ''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan beg]'' A lifetime of peelin' potatoes is too good for the likes of you!
:'''Piggley''': Keep it up, Dad. ''[he, Ferny, and Dannan go back to begging]''
:'''Padrig''': It's cleaning the barn for you, top to bottom, spic and span! And none of ya will see the light of day until the barn is as clean as a whistle!
:'''Ferny''': Please, sir! Anything but that!
:'''Padrig''': It's no use begging for mercy! Me mind's made up!
<hr width=50% />
:''[Cleaning the barn.]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh, this is a powerful big job.
:'''Dannan''': Well, it's a powerful big apology we've got to be giving to the fir darrig.
:'''Ferny''': You know, come to think of it, I never ''did'' see that fir darrig.
:'''Dannan''': You're right! We never did! Why, how do we know that there ever ''was'' one, and if he was ever truly mad at us?
:'''Ferny''': Oh, Janey Mack! And we gave ourselves all this extra work!
:'''Piggley''': Maybe you're right, lads. But then again... maybe not.
===The Legend of Raloo [1.16]===
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': And Cú Chulainn said to himself, "I am all alone against all those who will follow Queen Maeve. I cannot defeat them, but I must not let them win."
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny''': I don't want to be a prisoner. Besides, in the story, Queen Maeve was the enemy of Cú Chulainn. You should be taking her prisoner, not me.
:'''Dannan''': ''[laughs]'' This is our legend, prisoner! And in our story, all the Irish are on the same side.
:'''Piggley''': You see, Ferny. It's like when martians invade in movies. You're the invader, and we're protecting Ireland.
:'''Ferny''': ''[sadly]'' Oh.
:'''Dannan''': And now, ''baddie,'' you're our prisoner!
:'''Ferny''': Not anymore, I'm not! ''[throws down his bucket helmet and runs away]'' Now I'm an escaped prisoner!
:'''Piggley''': ''[laughs]'' That's good, Ferny!
:'''Dannan''': We can't let the prisoner escape, Cú Chulainn!
:'''Piggley''': Go on, Ferny! You're gonna have to run faster than that so we can chase ya!
:'''Dannan''': And capture you again!
:'''Ferny''': I don't want to run faster, and I don't want to be captured again, and I don't want to play anymore!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny''': What fun is it being the enemy all day, just 'cause I'm Spanish? Maybe I'd run all the way back to Spain. That'd show 'em.
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:'''Wiley''': ''[hearing the night sounds]'' I haven't heard this much noise since Bernie sat on a hedgehog!
:''[NOTE: The captions mistakenly use Ferny's name instead of Bernie.]''
===Milk Melodrama [1.18]===
:'''Wiley''': Okay, the colorful sheep improvement project has not been going that well. In fact, I wouldn't be out of line to say, it stinks. Painting Fluffy made his wool all stiff and weird, so we had to shave Fluffy, who, until his wool grows back, will now be known as Skinny.
===No Girls Allowed [1.19]===
:'''Wiley''': I can't stand it anymore! "Baa, baa"! That's all you ever say!
:'''Gray sheep''': What do you expect? They're sheep.
:'''Wiley''': Yeah, that's true, but-- Hey, whoa, you talked! You opened your mouth and real words came out!
:'''Gray sheep''': Boy, nothing gets by you, does it?
:'''Wiley''': Finally, someone to talk to! This is great! We can discuss poetry, and music, macramé! We can have an intelle-cellec-cellec-ellectual exchange!
:'''Gray sheep''': Do you mind? You're-- You're standing on my lunch.
:'''Wiley''': Oh, I'm sorry.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': So, you're in the spooky storytellers club without me, are you? And I can't be in the club because I'm a girl, am I? And girls are scared of ghosts and things, are they?! '''''YOU BOTH KNOW QUITE WELL THAT I'M NOT AFRAID OF GHOSTS, OR MONSTERS, OR SPOOKY STORIES!!!'''''
:'''Ferny''': Uh, Piggley? I think she's mad.
:'''Piggley''': Uh, Dannan... We know you're not scared of those things, and you're great at telling spooky stories, but Hector says--
:'''Dannan''': HECTOR?! ...Well now, if Hector says it, it must be true. Scary stories told by brave boys like yourself just might be too much for a delicate thing like me.
:'''Ferny''': Really?
:'''Piggley''': Oh. You're not mad, then?
:'''Dannan''': Mad? Ha! Don't be silly. You boys go on ahead to your little storytelling club. Have a scary good time! I insist! Hee-hee! ''[steps out the barn]'' It's going to be a lot scarier than you think it'll be!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Gray sheep''': So, what do you do for fun around here?
:'''Wiley''': We graze. Then we walk. Sometimes we mosey. Then we graze again. Walk, graze, walk, graze, walk--
:'''Gray sheep''': Okay, okay, got it. ''[watches the flock]'' Not exactly overachievers, are they?
:'''Wiley''': ''[offended]'' Hey, this is my flock you're talking about. They may not be the smartest.
:''[A sheep stands under an overturned bucket wedged between a fence and a wall, as water drips on its head.]''
:'''Wiley''': Or the ''second'' smartest.
:''[A sheep knits a sock with its own wool.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[embarrassed]'' Or the third.
:''[A sheep blows on another sheep's propeller beanie.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': ''[sighs with annoyance]'' Is this gonna go on long?
:'''Wiley''': Usually an hour and a half.
:'''Gray sheep''': I think it's time for some changes around here.
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:'''Gray sheep''': ''[being pampered by three lady sheep]'' So then I said, "What do you think I'm made of, wool?"
:''[The lady sheep giggle.]''
:'''Wiley''': Agnes! Lucille! Mary-Lou! What are you doing?! Whoa, look at the shine on those hooves!
:'''Gray sheep''': Dazzling, aren't they? Uh, you missed a spot.
:'''Wiley''': Look, pal, all you've done since you've got here is insult me and my flock. And now if I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to take over as head sheep.
:'''Gray sheep''': He's cute, but a little slow.
:'''Wiley''': That's it! We are going to settle this the way they do in Brooklyn!
:'''Gray sheep''': You mean...?
:'''Wiley''': You got it! A dance-off! Hit it! ''[dances]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Not bad, but you're looking at a three-time golden hooves champion.
:''[Wiley and the other sheep dance together while the flock watches.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Well, flock, which one of us has the magic feet?
:''[After a beat, the entire flock blows a raspberry. Wiley and the gray sheep slump sadly.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Hoo... Tough audience.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Ferny and I really wanted to like Hector's version of "The Hand with the Thirteen Fingers". We truly did. But we couldn't help remembering how much more fun and scary it was when Dannan had told us the story the summer before. Of course, now that I think of it, I don't know if it would have really mattered if Hector had been the greatest storyteller of all time or not. For Ferny and myself, something was missing. And that something was Dannan.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Gosford''': Okay, and then they heard this noise... Oh, wait. Did I say first it was a ghost ship? Okay, sorry. ''[laughs]'' It was a ghost ship. ''[honks]'' So, they heard this noise, and oh no, it's not a ghost ship! Okay, everybody, forget I said that! They hear the noise, and that's the ghost ship!
:'''Piggley''': Jakers. I'd love to hear Dannan tell this one.
:'''Ferny''': Oh, me too.
:'''Gosford''': So, now the ghost ship, honk, comes up next to the other ship. Wait, wait just a second. And there are ghosts on it! Honk. On the ghost ship, that is, on the other ship, I'm not really sure, so we'll just pretend there's just like a giant squid.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Elly''': Well, excuse me, boys, but I heard you were telling scary stories here. Would it be alright if I listened in?
:'''Padrig''': I know she's a girl, but I'm hoping you might make an exception for your own mother.
:'''Hector''': Well, uh... Being a mother isn't the same as being a girl.
:'''Piggley''': It's okay, Mammy. You can stay.
:'''Elly''': Oh, thank you, boys.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': See, Hector? Girls can be just as scary as you. ''Scarier'', even!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': This farm's not big enough for the two of us.
:'''Gray sheep''': You are right, fuzzy, so there's only one thing left to do. A vote. Okay, flock. It's up to you. Who will it be? A multi-talented, curly-wooled sheep about town such as myself... or him?
:''[The flock looks at Wiley and the gray sheep. Wiley smiles and waves at his flock. Soon, one by one, the flock walks up to Wiley's side, much to the surprise of the gray sheep.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Well, I... I have to hand it to you, Wiley. You are the leader of one loyal flock.
:'''Wiley''': I am? ''[the other sheep nod]''
:'''Gray sheep''': And you're a pretty good dancer, too. ''[dons his top hat]'' Maybe we'll meet up again when I've brushed up a bit. ''[dances and leaves whistling]''
:''[Wiley and the flock wave goodbye.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, so, sweetheart, what did you think of my dancing? Be honest. ''[the sheep whispers to Wiley]'' Not ''that'' honest. ''[laughs]'' You sweet-talker.
===New Best Friends [1.20]===
:'''Gosford''': My oak tree is ancient!
:'''Dannan''': My rowan tree is prehistoric!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Who wants to get Uncle Wiley a pillow? Who wants to get Uncle Wiley an ice pack?
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': A flower? After what you kids put me through, you think a flower is gonna make it all better?
===Treasure Hunt [1.21]===
:'''Wiley''': Okay, no more treasure hunt. After all, the best things in life are free. If only I could believe that.
===A Little Bit of Something Extra! Extra! [1.23]===
:'''Piggley''': Sir, Piggley Winks from the Tara School News here! Are you lost?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Eh, no, I...
:'''Piggley''': Have you been robbed?
:'''Male pig citizen''': No.
:'''Piggley''': Did your house burn down?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Oh, I hope not!
:'''Piggley''': Have you seen any good movies lately?
:'''Male pig citizen''': ''[frustrated]'' I... I'm just looking for me car!
:'''Piggley''': Aha! Your car has been stolen! Tell me, who do you think might have stolen it, then?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Well, it's not stolen! I just can't remember where I parked it. ''[laughs]'' There it is!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, it's too bad he found his car. That would've made a fine story.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': News isn't about pretending. It's about telling the truth.
:'''Piggley''': But we're not finding any interesting truth to tell.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': Made-up news isn't real news, Piggley.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Hopping hairballs! No Little Baa! Where are you?!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Hector''': ''[seeing Little Baa in the cauliflower box]'' The cauliflower is alive!
===Ferny Gets a Crush [1.24]===
:''[The sheep are terrified by the sound of Padrig's tractor backfiring.]''
:'''Wiley''': Hey, hey. What are you guys hiding behind me for? Oh yeah, I forgot. Defender of the flock, and all that. Hey, you think maybe we could start that defending stuff tomorrow?
:''[The sheep bleat and push Wiley to the door.]''
:'''Wiley''': Alright, I'm going, I'm going. What a stupid day to become a knight.
:''[Wiley goes outside, and sees smoke from the tractor coming out from the side of the barn.]''
:'''Wiley''': Sweet Sally from Sligo! It's a dragon! Some day, I'm sure I'll look back on this thing and laugh. Or scream in terror. Who knows?
===Lucky U [1.26]===
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[singing'' Molly Malone ''while watering his garden]''
:She wheeled the wheelbarrow
:Through streets broad and narrow
:Crying "Cockles and mussels!"
:"Alive, alive-oh!"
:"Alive, alive-oh...!"
:"Alive, alive..."
==Season 2==
===Molly Had a Little Lamb [2.2]===
:'''Molly''': No! This is naughty, Lamby! This food doesn't belong to you! I'm sorry, but you shouldn't even be here. Lambs should be in the field with the other sheep. It's time to take you home.
===Rain, Rain Go Away [2.4]===
:'''Wiley''': Hey, flock. Anybody notice anything, like water? Of course, you don't. Nothing can get through that thick wool of yours. Me, I'm delicate. I notice things, like when I'm being rained on. ''[lots of rain falls down on Wiley]'' That's it. I'm off to find someplace that's not so damp. ''[slips and falls in the water]'' Hold my calls.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[making a sandwich his own way for Molly]'' Now, what do you say to that?
:'''Molly''': '''THAT'S NOT HOW MAMMY DOES IT!!!'''
:'''Piggley''': Of course not! Like I told you, it's a Piggley special.
:'''Molly''': I don't like the Piggley special sandwich! I like Mammy's sandwiches!
:'''Piggley''': Sure you haven't even tried it?
:'''Molly''': '''''MAMMYYYYYY!!!'''''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Look at this place! No wonder they call it a ruin, it's ruined!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[inside a dark castle with a bunch of wild goats]'' No offense, but someone here has missed their appointment with a shower.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[reading to Molly]'' Buck Bravo was the bravest sheriff in the wild west. Wherever he went, people felt safer knowing he was on the job.
:'''Molly''': Where's the wild west?
:'''Piggley''': In America. It's where cowboys come from. Whenever there was trouble, a call would go out, and Buck would ride to the rescue.
:'''Molly''': ''[gasps]'' To save a princess?
:'''Piggley''': There's no princesses in the wild west, Molly. Buck would saddle up his trusty horse, Dusty, and--
:'''Molly''': Can Dusty fly?
:'''Piggley''': Horses can't fly, Molly.
:'''Molly''': Princess Princy Plumme's horse can fly.
:'''Piggley''': ''[gives up]'' And they lived happily ever after, the end!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Yuck. I've heard about caves. They're dark, and dirty, and filled with bats. Ugh. But dry. Very dry.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': You're not running out into the rain to tell Mam that I'm not sharing a pretend bird with you!
===A Touch of Spain [2.5]===
:'''Dannan''': Why is it that not one of us knew that donkeys don't wear horseshoes?
:'''Piggley''': Oh, I guess that's why they don't call it donkeyshoes.
:'''Dannan''': At least the horse is happy.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Piggley goes to Dannan's house early the next morning.]''
:'''Piggley''': Dannan, Dannan, I have to talk to you!
:'''Dannan''': Piggley, you wouldn't put a dog out this early in the morning.
:'''Piggley''': But, Dannan! I know how to keep Don Toro from going back to Spain!
:'''Dannan''': What are you doing to do, wake him up so he's too tired to go?
:'''Piggley''': I've got the perfect plan. Don Toro's leaving 'cause he misses Spain, right?
:'''Dannan''': Right...
:'''Piggley''': So, instead of going to Spain, we bring Spain to him!
:'''Dannan''': You are sleep deprived.
===Waking Thor [2.7]===
:'''Piggley''': A sandwich! Raw vegetables! They've turned me into... Vlad the Daft!
:'''Dannan''': ''[gasps]'' A vampire! Don't worry, Ferny! I'll protect ya!
:'''Ferny''': Why do they call you "Daft"?
:'''Piggley''': Because I always do the opposite of what I'm told!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny:'''
:Oh...
:Thor, I'll miss you
:And I'll feel sad
:But I won't forget
:The good times we had
:I gave you your name
:And I gave you care
:But you gave me something
:Much more rare
:Deep in my heart
:You'll always be there...
===Dannan Does a Jig [2.10]===
:'''Wiley''': Look, if you guys don't start shaping up, I'm gonna have to bring in a sheepdog to control you! A sheepdog! You know, the kind with ''teeth!''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Who says you can't teach an old sheep new tricks?
<hr width=50% />
:''[Dannan's feet are painted red and blue to help her dance, but she crashed in the middle of dancing.]''
:'''Dannan''': Me feet might be red and blue, but me backside is black and blue.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[tired of pretending to be a sheepdog]'' This dog stuff is for the birds, and I am a sheep.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Dannan is having a nightmare where she embarrasses herself and her grandmother with her dancing in front of the whole school.]''
:'''Grandma''': ''[disappointed]'' Just like your grandfather!
===Wish Upon a Story (Part 1) [2.12]===
:''[In Sean's story, Molly asks to ride the Raloo Rocket, which has turned into a real rocket.]''
:'''Piggley''': Are you whacked?! It's too dangerous for little girls!
:'''Molly''': No fair!
:'''Piggley''': Yes, fair!
:'''Molly''': Well, if you ask me, I think this whole thing is bogus!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Elly''': Don't you be coming home late for dinner now, little dude.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[riding Finnegan in Egypt]'' Hey, hey, we're walkin' here!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': I think you're headed right towards the Eiffel Tower, Commander Piggley!
:'''Ferny''': Hit the brakes!
:'''Piggley''': I don't think there are any brakes!
:'''Ferny''': Oh. Bummer.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[landing on the moon]'' That's one small step for me, but one giant leap for kid-kind!
<hr width=50% />
:''[In Meg's story, Dannan has made a wish to control Mr. Hornsby's words.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' Now, class... ''['''Meg:''' Said the teacher.]'' Your homework, I'm saying...
:'''Dannan:''' ''[quietly]'' Is put all your books down...
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' ...is put all your books down, go out and start playing?!
:'''Class:''' Huh?!
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' Instead of a test, now, here's what we'll be doing, we'll go out and play 'til the cows all stop mooing?! ''[gasps and covers his mouth]''
:'''Dannan:''' ''[laughs]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' In fact, my dear children, forget being smarties! The rest of the day, '''WE'LL HAVE NOTHING BUT PARTIES!!!'''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': They're having a party. Well, that's truly amazing. Those kids are as happy as hungry sheep grazing. Hey, whaddya know? I'm a poet, and I don't even know it.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[seeing Ferny as a giant]'' Hoppin' hairballs, someone oughta tell that kid to lay off the nachos.
===The Creepy Cabbages of County Galway [2.14]===
:'''Padrig''': ''[on a crossword puzzle]'' A five-letter word meaning "elf".
:'''Elly''': Gnome.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Padrig''': Piggley, you're supposed to be in bed.
:'''Piggley''': But I ''love'' scary shows! Scary Monster Theater is me favorite!
:'''Padrig''': Scary Monster Theater is for children. Creepy Theater is for grown-ups.
:'''Elly''': That's why it's on ''after'' your bedtime.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Piggley is listening to the radio show from inside his bedroom.]''
:'''Professor's wife''': ''[on radio]'' Quiet night, professor?
:'''Professor''': ''[on radio]'' Indeed. Maybe, a little ''too'' quiet.
:'''Elly''': Piggley, are you under your covers?
:'''Piggley''': Uh, yes, mam, I'm under me covers. ''[snickers]''
:'''Professor's wife''': It's a beautiful night.
:'''Professor''': Beautiful, but still too quiet.
:'''Professor's wife''': ''[gasps]'' What's that? ''[panicked]'' In the cabbage field!
:''[Piggley becomes scared as he keeps listening, and hides under his covers.]''
:'''Professor''': ''[gasps]'' IT'S ALIVE!!! CABBAGE!!! '''''ALIVE!!!'''''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': What are you two doing flying about in your noisy rocket like that while I'm trying to study?
:'''Piggley''': Uh, there's no need for studying, Dannan. I'm having a dream.
:'''Ferny''': With cabbages! ''[chuckles]''
:'''Dannan''': Why do you have cabbages in your dream, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Probably because I listened to the Creepy Theater radio show just before I fell asleep.
:'''Dannan''': ''[furious]'' '''WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-''WHAT?!''''' You were listening to Creepy Theater? ''[Piggley guiltily nods]'' Didn't your parents tell you that's a grown-up show?
:'''Piggley''': I figure I'm grown-up enough, Dannan. ''[after a beat, frowns]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, you think so? Well, I won't be any part of a dream that comes from disobeying your parents!
:'''Piggley''': Okay, Dannan! But you're going to miss out on all the fun!
:'''Dannan''': Fun? Ha! Mark my words, Piggley. No good'll come of this rule-breaking stuff!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Cabbage vendor''': Cabbages! I've got cabbages! Get your cabbages today!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Miss Nanny''': How would you boys like some free sweets?
:'''Piggley''': Sweets?
:'''Ferny''': Oh, thank you, Miss Nanny! Piggley, you should've been dreaming about this from the start.
:'''Miss Nanny''': Oh, how about something extra special? I have just the thing in me shop. Wait here. ''[goes into her shop]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh... I'd rather have sweets than fly in a wagon any old day of the week.
:'''Piggley''': You can have sweets anytime, Ferny.
:'''Ferny''': Right, but I'd still rather have 'em.
:'''Miss Nanny''': ''[comes out of her shop]'' Here you go. Have some nice, chocolate-covered... cabbage!
:'''Piggley''': CABBAGE?!
:'''Miss Nanny''': If you don't like chocolate, how about a peppermint cabbage?
:''[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]''
:'''Miss Nanny''': Or perhaps butterscotch cabbage? Cotton cabbage? A cabbage toffee? ''[becoming gradually hysterical]'' A cabbage cake? Lolly-cabbage-pops! ''[Piggley and Ferny run away]'' Tutti-frutti cabbage! '''CABBAGE-SICLES!!!'''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': You know what they say, Bernie. You are what you eat. ''[Bernie has been turned into a cabbage with hooves]'' So I'm thinking, maybe you should lay off cabbages for a little while. ''[the other sheep are all cabbages]'' In fact, the whole flock should lay off cabbages!
:''[A carrot with hooves walks up.]''
:'''Wiley''': Except for you, Ethel. You should cut down on the carrots. ''[the carrot droops sadly]''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny''': Piggley, you've got to stop dreaming about cabbages!
:'''Piggley''': I can't, Ferny!
:'''Ferny''': ''[frantically shakes Piggley]'' Then wake up! Come on! '''''WAKE UP!!!''''' ''[splashes a bucket of water on Piggley]''
:'''Piggley''': It's no good, Ferny.
:'''Ferny''': What if you never wake up?
:'''Piggley''': Let's make a promise. Right here and right now. That we'll stay together always and none of us will ever become a cabbage.
:'''Ferny''': Raloo Oath.
:''[Ferny spits into his hand, as does Piggley. But as soon as they shake hands, Piggley notices in horror that Ferny's hand has turned into a big green leaf.]''
:'''Piggley''': Ferny! '''''Your hand!!'''''
:'''Ferny''': Huh? Oh, Janey Mack! Oh. It's alright. ''[shows his other hand, which is also a green leaf]'' See? The other one's just like it. ''[laughs]''
:''[Ferny turns into a cabbage.]''
==Season 3==
===Mi Galeon [3.06]===
:'''Don Toro''': Piggley and Dannan were very impressed with our boat.
:'''Ferny''': ''[depressed]'' Si, papa. They were.
:'''Don Toro''': Our galleon is sure to win the boat race.
:'''Ferny''': Maybe.
:'''Don Toro''': We can be very proud of the work we have done on our boat, Fernandito.
:'''Ferny''': ''[loses his temper]'' Why do you keep calling it OUR galleon, and OUR boat?! It's not OUR boat, it's YOUR boat! YOU made it! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PROUD!
:'''Don Toro''': Fernando, I-- ''[Ferny runs out of the shop, crying]''
===Tale Spinner [3.08]===
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You know, Mr. Hornsby told me that you have a lot of talent, Piggley.
:'''Piggley''': He did?
:'''Mr. McHoof''': Oh, yes. And I thought your story was very imaginative and exciting.
:'''Piggley''': Thank you! Does that mean I get an A+ on the assignment?
:'''Mr. McHoof''': I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you an F, Piggley.
:'''Piggley''': What?!
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You see, you didn't ''do'' the assignment.
:'''Piggley''': Eh, but... but... I have talent!
:'''Mr. McHoof''': Yes, you have been given a gift, but it's up to you to do something with it, and that, young man, takes work. Work that you did not do.
:'''Piggley''': But... But...
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You may take your seat now.
===Mind Your Manners [3.11]===
:''[Piggley has flipped his spoon on Miss Nanny's forehead.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': That was the straw that broke the camel's back for Mr. McGandry. Right then and there, he decided that children would not be invited to his fancy party after all.
===The World According to Molly [3.12]===
:''[The events of "Rock Around the Cluck" in Molly's perspective.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[about Molly's violin playing]'' Well, I say she stinks! I've heard better sounds come out of a donkey's nose! They should arrest you for crimes against music! ''[laughs evilly]''
==Voice cast==
* [[w:Peadar Lamb|Peadar Lamb]] as Grandpa Piggley Winks.
* [[w:Maile Flanagan|Maile Flanagan]] as Young Piggley Winks.
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] as Fernando Toro, Elly Winks and Ciara.
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dannan O'Mallard and Molly Winks.
* [[w:Nika Futterman|Nika Futterman]] as Seamus and Sean.
* [[w:Melissa Disney|Melissa Disney]] as Meg.
* [[Mel Brooks]] as Wiley the Sheep.
* [[w:Charlie Adler|Charlie Adler]] as Mr. Hornsby and Padrig Winks.
* [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as Hector McBadger.
* Fernando Escandon as Don Toro.
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Millie and Katrina.
* [[w:Candi Milo|Candi Milo]] as Gosford.
* [[w:Susan Silo|Susan Silo]] as Miss Nanny.
* [[w:Jessica DiCicco|Jessica DiCicco]] as Gaddie.
* Cathal Nugent as Disgruntled Goat.
* [[w:David Kelly (actor)|David Kelly]] as Captain Cumara.
* [[w:Brendan Gleeson|Brendan Gleeson]] as Older Fernando Toro.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Irish animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Irish children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Discovery Family shows]]
[[Category:Qubo shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:BBC shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
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/* The World According to Molly [3.12] */
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'''''[[w:Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks|Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks]]''''' (or '''''Jakers''''' in [[w:Europe|Europe]]) is a [[w:computer animation|computer-animated]] [[w:children's television series|children's television series]]. The series was broadcast in the [[w:United States|United States]] on [[w:PBS Kids|PBS Kids]]. It was also broadcast in Australia on ABC Kids.
==Season 1==
===Pie Filling [1.1]===
:'''Wiley''': ''[spits out the grass he's eating]'' Blah! What's with this grass? It's got no flavor! No oomph! It needs salt. Maybe a touch of oregano. ''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan rush past him]'' Hey! We're grazing here! ...On baa-aa-aad grass. ''[to his flock]'' Hey, you know what? ''[the flock stare confused at Wiley]'' Of course you don't. But follow me anyway. Those kids are always eating. I'll bet they got great stuff. And they don't even have to pull it out of the ground with their teeth!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Hitch up the caboose, fellas, the gravy train just pulled in!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': But what if Mammy made a big mistake, and didn't put in enough sugar? Now, wouldn't that be just terrible? She'd be so embarrassed! "Jakers!", she'd say. "Never again, will I be able to hold my head up in polite company! I didn't put enough sugar in my pie! Oh...!" ''[faints dramatically]''
<hr width=50% />
:''[After the children have eaten the filling in the pie.]''
:'''Ferny''': Do you think your mother will notice, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Only if she looks.
:'''Dannan''': ''[panics]'' Oh, no! What have we done, what have we done?! This is a disaster! A disaster! This is all your fault, Piggley! We're going to get in big, ''BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-'''''BIG''' TROUBLE!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[carried by a crane toward the pie in the window]'' Lower, lower. That's it. Hold it. ''[sniffs the pie]'' Oh, that's music to my nose. ''[the crust deflates]'' Holy hairball, they sucked the pippins right out of it! And they didn't even make snickerdoodles! Pull me up, flock!
:''[Wiley is hoisted up, banging his head on the roof, before he is moved away from the roof.]''
:'''Wiley''': I want pie, and those kids are my meal ticket!
:''[Wiley drops to the ground.]''
:'''Wiley''': Will somebody please tell Fluffy to quit getting so close to the GEARS?!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': Jakers, Ferny! I'm doing all the jumping. Why are ''you'' breathing so hard? ''[the goat snorts out steam behind Piggley; he gets scared]'' And... and, and... snorting?! ''[feels the goat's beard]'' And... when did you start shaving?
<hr width=50% />
:''[The goat sends Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan flying while in the cow costume.]''
:'''Seamus''': ''[Sean's voice]'' Hold it, Grandpa. Hold it. You mean the goat rammed all three of you into the air?
:'''Sean''': ''[Seamus' voice]'' In a goat costume?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Now, boys, do I look to you the sort of person who'd make up a thing like that?
:'''Sean''': Did it make your rump sore?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Well, I do still get a twinge in me backside every now and then.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[meeting with the goat]'' Psst. Hey, buddy. Hiya, handsome. Like those apples, huh? Ever had them in a pie? Sure, you get crumbs in your beard, but you could use one of them little crumbs, get it right out. ''[the goat angrily snorts at Wiley]'' Right. You're busy. You got goat business, right? Haha, gotcha. There's no business like goat business. Forgive me. I'll just help myself to a few of your apples here, before I take my leave. Is that alright?
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[eating the apples]'' Wow, wowers! Mm, this is good, this is good, this is really good! My tongue is throwing a party for my mouth! What aroma, what bouquet! Oh, this is so delicious! Mm!
<hr width=50% />
:''[The goat angrily enters the house.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[nervously]'' Hello, goat. You wouldn't... by any chance... be after... these apples?
<hr width=50% />
:''[After the Winks' kitchen has been trashed by the goat.]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh, your mother's going to be powerful mad!
:'''Piggley''': Plan B. Molly, you go keep Mammy busy outside. We're going to clean up! Like Captain Clean of the Clean Brigade on a really clean, cleany day!
:'''Molly''': Okay, Piggley! ''[goes outside to distract Elly]'' Mammy! You came back!
:'''Elly''': Well, yes. I live here, don't you know?
:'''Molly''': ''[hanging on Mammy's arm]'' Oh! I am so glad you came home! Now you can... uh... you can hear me alphabet!
:'''Elly''': Oh, not right now, pet. I have things to-
:'''Molly''': A, B, C... Q, R, 1... I am not so nearly done.
<hr width=50% />
:''[While cleaning the house, the kids have forgotten about the pie.]''
:'''Dannan''': AAH! PIGGLEY! THE PIE!!!
:'''Piggley and Ferny''': THE PIE!!!
<hr width=50% />
:''[Recounting eating the badly-made apple pie.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': That pie tasted every bit as bad as a bullfrog's bunion. But guess what? We ate it. We ate every last bite. Ugh... Just thinking about it makes me stomach turn somersaults.
===Salmon of Knowledge [1.2]===
:'''Piggley''': ''[telling Ferny about the Salmon of Knowledge]'' A long time ago, in the clear blue waters of Lough Derg, there lived a simple salmon. Hanging over his watery home, there was a very special hazelnut. And inside each and every nut on that tree was all the knowledge in the whole world. One day, one of those nuts fell into the loch. And the salmon gobbled it all up, filling him to the gills with everything there is to know about... well... absolutely everything.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[after hearing Piggley's story of the Salmon]'' Wow. A fish who knows everything. Think of the brain on that guy. Think of it. A fish with a giant head. And nut-crackin' teeth, big chompers! Hey, if a big-headed fish with teeth can get so smart from one little nut, think of what it can do for us sheep!
<hr width=50% />
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan have caught a small fish that they think is the Salmon of Knowledge. They are keeping it in the well on the farmyard.]''
:'''Dannan''': Do you really think that's the Salmon of Knowledge, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Course, it is! ''[to Ferny]'' Go ahead. Ask him somethin'. He knows everythin'.
:'''Ferny''': Uh... ''[clears throat]'' Uh, Mr. Brainy Fish, uh, sir. Do ya... Uh, do ya know what, uh... I had for breakfast this mornin'?
:''[The fish looks up at Ferny, blows one bubble, then swims away from him.]''
:'''Piggley''': There. See? He says "Yes". He knows.
:'''Dannan:''' I didn't hear anything.
:'''Piggley''': One bubble means "yes", and two bubbles means "no".
:'''Dannan''': Okay, so what did Ferny have for breakfast today, hmm?
:'''Piggley''': Mr. Salmon says he had... ''[deep breath; quickly]'' Six eggs, fried spuds, soda bread with marmalade, fruit, kippers, beans, and mushrooms, and porridge with milk, the top of the bottle.
:'''Ferny''': Oh... That's absolutely amazing! It really ''is'' the Salmon of Knowledge!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': Hey, Ferny. What do you wanna do tomorrow?
:'''Ferny''': Well, I usually study on Sunday. But there's no need for that now, right?
:'''Piggley''': No, sir. Not while we've got Mr. Smart Fish around.
:''[Ferny's stomach starts growling.]''
:'''Ferny''': Janey Mack, I'm really hungry. ''[realizes something; gasps in horror]'' Wait! I didn't ''have'' breakfast this mornin'!
:'''Piggley''': ''[unfazed]'' Huh. So?
:'''Ferny''': The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong! THE SALMON OF KNOWLEDGE WAS <big>'''''WRONG!!!'''''</big> ''[echoing]''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Take your time, and more carefully, you'll have no trouble as long as you've studied.
:'''Piggley''': Or as long as you've got a fish with a brain as big as Mammy's icebox.
===Ferny is a Bug [1.3]===
:''[Padrig finds Piggley getting swarmed by bugs.]''
:'''Padrig''': Careful with them fairies, son.
:'''Piggley''': "Fairies"?! Why, they're just bugs, dad.
:'''Padrig''': They ''could'' be bugs. Or they could be fairies in disguise. Fairies do that, you know.
:''[A bug flies on Piggley's hand.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[disgusted]'' Agh... Nothin' this ugly could be a fairy, dad.
:'''Padrig''': Careful. They don't care much now for insults. They just might turn ''you'' into a bug as well.
:''[One of the chickens pecks at Piggley's hand, eating the bug.]''
:'''Piggley''': Ow!
:'''Padrig''': Fairies work in mysterious ways, you know.
:'''Piggley''': ''[chuckles]'' Ah, you're just havin' me on. ''[beat]'' Aren'tcha?
:'''Padrig''': ''[laughs]'' Why don'tcha run along and play now, Piggley? These chickens are fed enough.
:'''Piggley''': Thanks, dad! ''[runs off, passing Elly]'' Bye, mam!
:'''Elly''': ''[to Padrig]'' Now, what do you want to tell the boy stories like ''that'' for?
:'''Padrig''': ''[laughs]'' Don't worry. Not even Piggley would believe that one!
===The Case of Big Sty [1.4]===
:''[The mystery show ''Piggley Trotter, Private Eye ''is playing on the radio.]''
:'''Piggley Trotter''': This is my town - a good town, with good people, and one bad one. Master criminal Big Sty had given me the slip again, and... I was calling it quits for the day. I headed for home, taking a shortcut through the park. That's when ''she'' walked up. She was prettier than a French poodle. The smile that made the chickens cackle.
:'''Mysterious lady''': Mr. Trotter... I need your help.
:'''Piggley''': ''[listening to the radio]'' It's a mysterious lady!
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Piggley Trotter''': Helping is my specialty, ma'am.
:'''Mysterious lady''': I think I'm being followed.
:''[Molly gasps.]''
:'''Mysterious lady''': Followed by... Big Sty, master of disguise.
:''[Piggley wears a wig made of blue yarn, scaring Molly.]''
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Mysterious lady''': No... I-- I...
:'''Big Sty''': ''[disguised as a policeman; speaking in a Cockney accent]'' Come with me, ma'am. I'll take ya down the station.
:'''Piggley''': No, no! Don't go with him, mysterious lady! Don't go!
:'''Piggley Trotter''': She's not going anywhere with you... '''''Big Sty!!'''''
:''[Piggley gasps, then falls to the floor.]''
:'''Elly''': ''[gasps]''
:'''Padrig''': Shh.
:'''Big Sty''': Ohhh! Curses! How did you know it was me, Trotter?!
:'''Piggley Trotter''': Policemen don't... wear... rubber... boots!
:'''Big Sty''': Ohhhhhh! Foiled again!
===All Night Long [1.5]===
:'''Seamus''': Oh, no! Crummy old wind!
:'''Shawn''': Dumb leaves!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Hey. What's this now?
:'''Sean''': Mom wants us to sweep off the driveway.
:'''Seamus''': But it's too windy!
:'''Sean''': Every time we get the leaves and stuff into a pile, the wind comes along and ''[throws the leaves in the air]'' "boofa-shisha-bwuwuf"!
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:'''Sean''': I quit!
:'''Seamus''': Me too!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Are my ears deceiving me, or did I hear me own flesh and blood say the word "quit"?
:'''Seamus''': Grandpa, when something's ''this'' impossible, you ''have'' to give up!
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:'''Molly''': What's so great about fishing?
:'''Padrig''': Well, now. On Lake Beghorra, ya never know what you might see. Like the time not too long ago when I was out fishin'. I wasn't catchin' so much as a cold. Then all of a sudden, I hooked the strangest thing. A '''hat!''' A red '''hat!'''
:''[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]''
:'''Padrig''': It wasn't too long before a fella came swimmin' by, lookin' for the hat.
:''[Dannan, Molly, and Sweets gasp.]''
:'''Padrig''': I gave it back to him, and... he thanked me kindly. Then he disappeared beneath the water.
:'''Ferny''': ''[gasps]'' Janey Mack!
:'''Piggley''': Then what happened, dad?
:'''Padrig''': Well, now... The next thing I knew, like a streak of light, me boat was jettin' across the lake, sure I couldn't see what was pullin' me, then suddenly, I came to a stop. I was at a part of the lake I'd never seen before. Lookin' around, I thought I saw that fella with the red hat swimmin' away. Then, a fish tail as big as your side slapped the water! And he was gone.
:'''Piggley''': Jakers! A... A [[w:merman|merman]]!
:'''Ferny''': Oh... A fishy fello.
:'''Padrig''': Well, I can't say for sure, lads. All I know is that very place where me boat stopped... turned out to be the best fishin' spot of all time.
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:'''Padrig''': It's a long time sittin' in a boat, you know. Nowhere to go, nothin' to do.
:'''Piggley''': We don't mind. ''[has Ferny's voice]'' We love sittin'. With... nothin' to do.
:'''Padrig''': It's a lot of responsibility, you know.
:'''Dannan''': We love responsibility.
:'''Padrig''': I'll be leavin' at the crack of dawn.
:'''Piggley''': We loooooove, looove gettin' up early! We'll all spend the night here, so we can leave first thing in the morning.
:'''Ferny''': Oh! That's a good idea!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, that's a great idea!
:'''Padrig''': Now hold on a minute! I didn't say I'd take you!
:''[The kids start begging simultaneously.]''
:'''Piggley''': Pleeeaaaase?!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, pleeeeaaaase?!
:'''Ferny''': Pleeeaaase!
:'''Padrig''': We'll see how things go in the morning.
:''[The kids cheer.]''
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:''[Wiley is bothered by his flock's loud snoring keeping him awake.]''
:'''Wiley''': Listen to that! It's like living in a buzz-saw factory! What I need is a glass of warm milk. Now that should put me out like a fuzzy light.
:''[Wiley places a cup under the cow's udders, and waits for it to produce milk, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay. Go. ''[getting impatient]'' Any time now. I'm waiting. ''[notices the cow's tail]'' Aha! She's got a handle! Like a pump! She's a pump cow!
:''[Wiley starts pulling the cow's tail up and down like a pump, but this causes the cow to angrily kick Wiley across the barn and into a large haystack.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[from within]'' Got milk? No.
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:'''Wiley''': Ever smell a barn? They're not minty fresh.
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:''[Ferny has reeled in Wiley's blanket, and Wiley is attempting to pull it back.]''
:'''Wiley''': Mother Nature is stealing my blanket! And she's very strong.
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:'''Padrig''': What's all this ruckus now?!
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:''[Wiley wakes up with a start after being knocked unconscious against the wall from his tug-of-war with the kids over his blanket.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[frightened]'' BAAAAAA! What--? Where--? Who--? Wow. What a dream I had. So vivid, so real, so... painful! Sleep is tough. Not sleeping is even tougher. What am I gonna do? Maybe I should sleep on it.
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:''[Padrig catches the kids having a pillow fight.]''
:'''Piggley''': Oh... Uh, hi, dad. Um... I can explain. You see--
:'''Padrig''': Explain to me how you think you can sit still on a boat, when you can't even stay in bed.
:'''Piggley''': But we were getting our--
:'''Padrig''': BED.
:'''Piggley''': Yes, dad. ''[returns to bed with Ferny and Dannan]''
:'''Padrig''': And I don't want to have to come back here again. ''[leaves]''
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:'''Ferny''': ''[angry]'' Janey Mack, Piggley, why did you start a pillow fight?!
:'''Piggley''': I didn't start it!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Piggley''': Did not!
:'''Ferny''': Did so!
:'''Dannan''': ''[covers the boys' mouths with her hands]'' '''STOOOOOOOP!!!'''
:''[Padrig hears the yelling.]''
:'''Padrig''': ''[angry]'' <big>'''''PIGGLEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!'''''</big>
:'''Piggley''': ''[turns off the lamp]'' We're asleep!
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:''[Molly wakes up and finds Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan making jam sandwiches.]''
:'''Molly''': What are you all doin'?
:'''Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan''': Shhh!
:'''Piggley''': We're makin' a picnic lunch for dad!
:'''Molly''': Why are you doin' that?
:''[Dannan, then Piggley, then Ferny take turns shushing Molly.]''
:'''Ferny''': Ugh... It's for the fishing trip tomorrow!
:'''Molly''': Oh...
:'''Dannan''': I'll take Molly back to bed. You boys go ahead and make the sandwiches.
:'''Molly''': Will you make one for me too, Piggley? Pleeeaaase?
:'''Piggley''': Okay, okay. Just be quiet!
:'''Molly''': Sweets, too? '''''Pleeeease!'''''
:'''Piggley''': Ugh, fine...
:''[Dannan takes Molly back to bed.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[to Ferny]'' Jakers...
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:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan think that they're not going fishing with Padrig due to their mischief tonight.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, well. We can always play "pirates" tomorrow, instead.
:'''Ferny''': Pirates will be fun.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are outside catching grasshoppers as fishing bait for Padrig.]''
:'''Padrig''': ''[from inside]'' I wouldn't be hearin' children outside, would I?!
:'''Piggley''': ''[heads back in with Ferny and Dannan]'' We're all asleep, dad!
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:''[The next morning...]''
:'''Piggley''': Dad! Wait for us!
:'''Padrig''': After playin' around all night, you think you deserve to go with me?
:'''Piggley''': But, dad! We weren't playin'!
:'''Padrig''': I'm sorry.
:'''Piggley''': But the merman!
:'''Padrig''': Maybe another time, Piggley.
:''[Just then, he notices the jar of grasshoppers that Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan caught last night.]''
:'''Padrig''': What's all this now?
:''[Padrig picks up the jar and examines it.]''
:'''Padrig''': So, is this what you rascals were up to last night? You know, you should all be out pickin' spuds today for keepin' everyone up all night. But I suppose your hearts were in the right place. So, are ya gonna stand there all mornin'... or are we going fishing?
:''[The kids cheer.]''
===Picture Perfect [1.6]===
:''[After Piggley takes a picture of Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Wowee-wow-wow-wow! I've been photographed, captured on film, recorded for posterity! Just picture it: my face, appearing everywhere - newspapers, magazines, the post office! Hold it. Strike that post office. I don't wanna be ''that'' wanted. I could be big! I could be famous! I could be big and famous! I could go to the big city, meet up with destiny, get a decent cheeseburger. I gotta get that kid to take another picture of me. Maybe a nice 8 by 10 glossy, a couple of candids, some good commercial shots, maybe a full-figured cheesecake matte finish.
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:'''Wiley''': There he is. My shot at the big time. I could be on Broadway, in the movies, on the radio. No. No, not the radio. They can't see me on the radio, not even if they sit real close.
===Teacher Creature [1.7]===
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Class, over the next few weeks, I will be visiting each of your families for supper. The first family I will be visiting is... '''''Piggley's'''''.
:''[Everyone, including Piggley, is shocked.]''
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:'''Ferny''': Are you tellin' me that Mr. Hornsby is going to be comin' right into me very own home?
:'''Dannan''': It's unnatural, I tell ya! It shouldn't be allowed! Why, I've never heard of such a thing in all me life!
:'''Ferny''': Oh. Well, I thought you really like Mr. Hornsby, Dannan.
:'''Dannan''': I do... in the classroom. That's where he belongs, and that's just where he'd ought to stay!
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:''[Piggley imagines how Mr. Hornsby's visit to his family will go.]''
:'''Padrig''': Well, Hornsby...
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': That's '''Mr.''' Hornsby!
:'''Elly''': ''[clears her throat]'' Would you like some--
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Please raise your hand before speakin'.
:''[Piggley nervously slides underneath the table.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Ohhhh, sit up, young man!
:''[Piggley sits up straight. This causes Molly to laugh.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Who is laughin'?!
:''[Piggley points to Molly, who immediately sits up straight.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': ''[tuts disappointed]'' Oh... ''[starts grading the family one by one]'' "F", "F", "F"... '''"F".'''
:''[Molly pats her chest, then burps. The family gasps in horror. Mr. Hornsby is furious.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': ''[dramatically clearing his throat]'' '''''Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-em?!''''' That is one more big... fat... '''"F".'''
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:''[Wiley and the flock are in the barn, itching all over.]''
:'''Wiley''': Hopping hairballs! What ''is'' this?! We're infested! Inhabited! Lemme put it this way, flock. We got bugs! I know what you're thinkin'. Where do they come from? Why are they here? Should we charge rent?
:''[The flock tries to pick the bugs off of each other.]''
:'''Wiley''': No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! Not like that! That's how monkeys do it! We got no thumbs.
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:''[Piggley imagines Mr. Hornsby overworking him and Ferny.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': Alright, now. Two plus two! Four plus four! The square root of 9! Name the seven wonders of the world. What was William Shakespeare's middle name? You'd better pick up the pace, boys. You remember what happened to your little friend Dannan.
:''[Dannan is sitting on a stool peeling potatoes while wearing a dunce cap.]''
<hr width=50% />
:''[Wiley and the flock are still itching.]''
:'''Wiley''': What can we learn from our friends, the warthogs?
:''[One of the sheep, Carl, excitedly raises his hand and bleats.]''
:'''Wiley''': Let's pretend Carl is a warthog. ''[Carl is offended]'' A big, fuzzy, wooly warthog. Eh... A ''good-looking'' warthog. Hey, handsome! But he's crawling with bugs! However, being a smart - oddly alluring - warthog, Carl knows exactly what to do. Stop, drop, and roll!
:''[Wiley sends Carl rolling across the field.]''
:'''Wiley''': And like the clever warthog, Carl knows to clean his wool by covering himself in earthen filth.
:''[Carl rolls over Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[annoyed]'' Unfortunately, being Carl... ''[Carl runs him over again]'' '''''He doesn't know when to stop!''''' ''[Carl runs him over once more]'' That is one clean sheep.
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:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan try to get an apple for Mr. Hornsby by pulling a tree branch down to them with ropes. After struggling, the apple is now dangling within Dannan's reach.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh. There it is! I'll get it!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[narrating]'' Dannan reached out to pluck the little beauty, and...
:''[As soon as Dannan plucks the apple off the tree, Piggley and Ferny are launched through the air, screaming as they fly out of the orchard, then out of Ireland, then into space.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[narrating]'' We flew into the air, and shot right through the stratosphere. Clear out into space we flew! All the way to the surface of the moon! Where we were met by a couple of crazy-looking moon men!
:'''Sean, Seamus, and Meg''': Grandpa!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Uh, what's the problem, children?
:'''Meg''': ''[in disbelief]'' You flew all the way to space and landed on the moon.
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Well... Maybe we didn't actually fly into space.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': There once was a student who got in ''big'' trouble for something he didn't even do.
:'''Piggley''': What didn't he do?
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': His homework.
===Molly's Dolly [1.8]===
:''[After seeing Wiley run past with Molly's leprechaun doll on his back.]''
:'''Piggley''': If he is a leprechaun, he's probably headed for his pot of gold! Come on!
:'''Elly''': ''[calling from inside]'' Piggley! It's time for supper!
:'''Piggley''': Aaaahhh, no! It's always suppertime at the wrong time!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[reading from Elly's book about leprechauns]'' "Leprechauns are excellent shoemakers, but they only make one shoe, never a pair." Hmm. "When he's finished with his work, the leprechaun always makes a delicious feast. He can sometimes be seen riding a dog or a sheep. All leprechauns--"
:''[Piggley remembers seeing Molly's doll riding on Wiley.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[gasps]'' <big>'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!'''''</big> He rides a sheep?! Jakers! That doll ''is'' a real leprechaun!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Good morning, flock. Yesterday's run was a stunning success. You should've been there. And of course, you weren't. And I know why. Motivation. You need a ''reason'' to run. And what could that reason be? Simple. A prize.
:''[Wiley's flock bleats excitedly.]''
:'''Wiley''': That's right. First sheep to finish the annual Wiley Cross-Country Sheep Race wins... a prize.
:''[Wiley's flock bleats with excitement again, then starts racing, running over Wiley in the process.]''
:'''Wiley''': Now ''that's''... motivation. Motivation... and pain.
<hr width=50% />
:''[After the sheep have finished their race...]''
:'''Wiley''': What a race, what a race! The wind in our wool, the sound of thundering hooves, a chicken on my back... Okay, the chicken was a little weird, but the rest was great!
:''[The flock murmurs in confusion.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, oh yeah, yeah, the winner of the race, right, right. Uh... ''[clears throat]'' It is with great sheeply pleasure that I declare the winner is none other than Fluffy!
:''[The flock bleats excitedly.]''
:'''Wiley''': And his prize is... a deep sense of pride in knowing he's done his very best. Congratulations, Fluffy!
:''[The flock all bleat in confusion, then all approach Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, I'm sensing a modicum of disappointment here. Look. I'm a farm animal. What'd you expect, a burger and fries? Oh, I see. Uh, great, great, you want another race. A rematch. Okay, perfect. Work those legs and breathe that air. You're too close! You're too close!
===Song of the Banshee [1.9]===
:'''Wiley''': Welcome, folk. I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today. ''[the flock doesn't respond]'' Okay. Let's ''pretend'' you're all wondering why I called you here today. Glad you asked. I think it was [[w:Aristotle|Aristotle]] who said, "How about a song? Gimme a song." And he... He was a smart guy. ''[still no response]'' Look. We're sheep. But that doesn't mean we can't develop a little culture. We gotta sing! We gotta dance! We gotta ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha! ''[still no response]'' Well, okay. Alright, we'll start with the singing, and end with the "ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha". Let's go, sheep! ''[starts singing]'' My wiiiild I-I-I-Irish rooooose... The sweetest flower that-- ''[stops singing when he notices that the flock isn't singing along]'' I'm singing to an oil painting here.
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:''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are pretending to be pirates in the barn.]''
:'''Piggley''': For crimes against the Jolly Roger, including tryin' to steal the treasure chest, I, Captain Piggley, sentence you, Dastardly Dannan, to walk the plank. Any last words before we throw you to the sharks?!
:''[The sharks are just the chickens.]''
:'''Dannan''': I have been unjustly accused as a traitor! The ghost of Dastardly Dannan will return for revenge!
:''[Dannan jumps off the plank and lands on the floor, amongst the chickens. Piggley and Ferny look down.]''
:'''Ferny''': ''[victoriously]'' Aaarrrr!
:''[Suddenly, the kids all hear an eerie wail.]''
:'''Dannan''': What's that?!
:'''Ferny''': W-Where's it comin' from?
:'''Piggley''': Maybe... It's the ghost of Dastardly Dannan!
:'''Dannan''': It couldn't be! I'm right here! Maybe the chickens have a stomachache!
:'''Piggley''': Or maybe... it's a banshee!
:'''Ferny''': ''[scared]'' '''''A BANSHEE!!!'''''
:'''Dannan''': ''[scared]'' A banshee...?!
:'''Piggley''': Terrible, ghost-like banshee that dresses all in black, and wears a great, huge hood over its head, you know. ''[approaches Dannan]'' It floats into your room, moving right through the walls, and soars right up to you! Then, it starts to sing a song of doom. '''Doom...! Doooooom!'''
:''[The eerie wailing returns. The kids all scream in terror and flee the barn.]''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Don Toro''': Ah, it's too bad, little Dannan. It seems that you believe more in banshees than you believe in your friends.
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:'''Wiley''': ''[getting his flock's attention]'' Hey! There's [[w:Lassie|Lassie]]! Thank you. Remember last night, when we were trying to... sing? Well... it stunk. But tonight, we're gonna make it different. We're gonna shoot for the stars. Tonight, we're gonna go for mediocre! Okay, we're gonna use the buddy system, we're gonna divide up into groups. Now, I want high voices over here, low voices over there... ''[the flock starts moving around]'' Large voices here... Wait. Short voices... Hold it. ''[groans]'' STOP, STOP!!!
:''[The flock crashes and pile up on each other.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay, new plan. We're all going to stand in one place. That's perfect.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny''': Are you alright?
:'''Piggley''': You scared the living daylights out of me!
:'''Ferny''': It's okay, Dannan. I just scared Piggley a bit.
:'''Piggley''': I wasn't scared.
:'''Ferny''': You said you were. You said I scared the living daylights out of you.
:'''Dannan''': Well, I'm really scared right now!
:'''Piggley''': No, you're not. You're not afraid of anything, Dannan.
:'''Dannan''': Uh... except... BANSHEES!!! I really hate banshees!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Whoa, hold it, stop, please, before we make anything with ears angry! Okay, let's face it, we can't sing. We're baa-aa-aad singers. Which is strange, since you guys are Irish. But... I'll bet you can dance. And a-one... And a-two... ''[starts dancing]'' Watch me, flock! I'm a dancer! I'm a dancing fool! I'm a... ''[stops dancing]'' I'm an idiot. I'm dancing all by myself here.
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:'''Wiley''': ...bloom from my wild Irish... roooooose...! Okay, one more time! My wild... Irish rooo-'''''ooooooooose!'''''
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:'''Wiley''': Just sheep, just sheep? We are not just sheep! I am a star, and this is my audience!
:''[The flock claps for Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. You've been a great flock. I'll be here every Thursday through Saturday, two shows on Friday. And now, we dance!
===Our Dragon's Egg [1.10]===
:''[The children are singing as they pretend to be dragon-hunting knights.]''
:'''Piggley''': We brave knights be huntin' for dragons.
:'''Dannan''': With fiery breath and spiny backs.
:'''Ferny''': We'll trounce them all and fix their wagons...
:'''All''': Or... they will have us all for snacks! ''[echoing]''
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:''[Leaving Dannan in charge of the egg.]''
:'''Ferny''': Uh, Piggley, do you think the baby dragon might ''really'' eat Dannan?
:'''Piggley''': No. They only eat princesses.
:'''Ferny''': Oh. ''[Molly peeks over the gate]'' Piggley, where are we gonna find a princess?
:'''Molly''': I'm a princess. Someday, I'll be the queen.
:'''Ferny''': ''[bluntly]'' You're a goner.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Thinking Dannan was eaten by the "dragon".]''
:'''Ferny''': ''[singing sadly]'' Poor old Dannan is no more... The dragon gave a mighty roar... He swallowed Dannan whole today... Our friend Dannan's gone... away...
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[talking to another sheep]'' I tell you, I gave that egg the best minute of my life. ''[after a beat, he starts crying]'' Oh, where's my little honker? Where's my little oval? ''[blows his nose in the other sheep's wool]'' Where are you now, Eggy?
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:'''Padrig''': What's all the commotion, then?
:'''Elly''': Piggley has let a turkey loose in the kitchen.
:'''Piggley''': It's not a turkey! I'd never bring a turkey into the house!
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:'''Padrig''': You're right, Piggley. It's not a turkey.
:'''Elly''': Well, then, what is it?
:'''Piggley''': It's a dragon!
:'''Padrig''': It's a cygnet. A cygnet is a baby swan.
:'''Piggley''': A baby swan?!
===The Cat Came Back... and Back [1.11]===
:'''Hector''': Hey, Piggley Dink. I'll swap you some of that licorice... for nothin'!
===Good Neighbor [1.12]===
:'''Scary Monster Theater Announcer''': Ladies and gentlemen, don't be fooled. That ordinary barn across the way may not be so ordinary after all. It could just be the secret laboratory of... a mad scientist!
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:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Now going to bed late and getting a good night's sleep after a mad scientist episode was always a bit of a challenge. And even though we knew it was all just pretend, it could sometimes cause our imaginations to get the better of us.
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:'''Grandpa Piggley''': The imagination is a wonderful, fascinating, terrifying thing, so it is. It can make mountains out of mountains, and monsters out of... just about anything.
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:'''Dannan''': ''[pretending to be a monster]'' Ferny, come out! I want your brain! Must... have... brain! ''[roars]'' Give me... BRAIN!!! ''[roars]''
:'''Don Toro''': I'm so sorry, monster, but I'm afraid I can't let you have Fernando's brain. You see, he uses it himself sometimes.
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:'''Wiley''': The last time I got clipped, I got clipped. The guy had no sense of style. I'm a good-lookin' sheep, you know. I got an image to maintain. How would I look with a crewcut? Maybe a flattop. Give me that dangerous sheep look. "Hey, kids, leave that sheep alone. He's got a dangerous haircut." Yeah... I don't know. Maybe a ducktail.
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:'''Wiley''': ''[reading a feed bag]'' Wheat germ, flax seed, hay... ''[annoyed]'' Oats. That's the trouble with these feed bags. They all end the same. Oats.
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:'''Dannan''': What's in the bag?
:'''Piggley''': I don't think it's potatoes.
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:'''Ferny''': I wonder what else was in that sack he was draggin' in there.
:'''Dannan''': I'll bet there were some brains in it.
:'''Ferny''': Oh, you think so?
:'''Piggley''': Don't be daft. You don't put brains in a sack.
:'''Dannan''': And why not?
:'''Piggley''': They'd leak all over the place. You put brains in jars. Besides, Fergal doesn't have any brains yet. That's why he's making friends with Molly. So he can take ''hers.''
:'''Ferny''': Janey Mack.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': I can't believe he wants ''Molly's'' brain! I mean, why couldn't he just take the brain of one of his other mad scientist friends?!
:'''Ferny''': Well, I don't think there are any other mad scientists around here to be friends with.
:'''Piggley''': Jakers! That's why he's making a monster!
:'''Dannan''': What?
:'''Piggley''': Fergal O'Hopper is building a monster to be his friend!
:'''Dannan''': A friend with the brain of your sister, Piggley!
:'''Ferny''': Well, why wouldn't he just make friends with your sister?!
:'''Piggley''': A mad scientist doesn't stop to think of those things. That's why they're mad, Ferny! And I won't have it, I tell you! I'm going over there right now to save Molly!
===Rock Around the Cluck [1.13]===
:'''Wiley''': ''[hearing Molly's violin playing]'' Wowie, wow-wow-wow. What is ''that?'' Whatever it is, it's BAA-AA-AAD. It sounds like it's in pain. It must be starving or something. A starving creature is not a good thing for us sheep. We're very tasty, you know. ''[runs to the flock]'' Okay, flock, don't panic. Run for your lives!
:''[The frightened flock stampede, running over Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': They can't catch you if you zig-zag! ''[runs after the flock in a zig-zag pattern]'' Zig-zag, zig-zag, zig-zag!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[hears Molly's violin again]'' You hear that? It's that sheep-eating thing again. So what are we gonna do? I'll tell you what we're gonna do, I'm glad you asked. We're gonna prepare. We're gonna learn what to do in case that thing stops screaming, and starts looking for a woolly midnight snack. First, we gotta figure out what that thing is. Let's say, it's a lion.
:''[A sheep bleats with question.]''
:'''Wiley''': Okay, Shirley wants to know what a lion is. Who can answer that? ''[the sheep just look around]'' It seems like nobody, except me. And take it from me, you don't wanna know. So imagine instead a giant sheep-eating squirrel. ''[acts ferocious]'' Baaaaa! Baaaaa! Now, pretend I'm that squirrel. What do we do?
:''[A giant walnut falls next to Wiley.]''
:'''Wiley''': Haha. You know, if I was that squirrel, and I was looking for nuts... you guys would be in big trouble.
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:'''Padrig''': Who's Cluck Cockwren?!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[describing his stage fright]'' And my confidence disappeared faster than a magician's rabbit.
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:'''Piggley''': Jakers. The place is packed. Everyone in the whole town is here.
:'''Dannan''': Of course they are. You told them to come, didn't you?
:'''Piggley''': I know, but...
:'''Ferny''': But? But? But what?
:'''Piggley''': Well, uh... What if we're not as good as Cluck Cockwren? What if we're not any good at all?
:'''Ferny''': Oh... But you said we were, Piggley. You told everyone.
:'''Dannan''': Oh... You better not have been messing with us, Piggley. It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were bad after all the fuss you made.
:'''Piggley''': Well, now... I ''think'' we're good. But you know... I'm not sure we're as good as Cluck.
:'''Dannan''': Oh, dear...
:'''Ferny''': Oh, Janey Mack...
===Donkeys Into Racehorses [1.14]===
:'''Wiley''': Would you look at that? We get grass, and the donkey gets fruit! ''[see a chicken eating a worm]'' And look at that! The chicken gets spaghetti! From the earth! Earth spaghetti! Who knew? ''[looks at another worm sticking out from the ground]'' Would you look at that? I can't eat this. What if I eat him and his friends come looking for him? Worse, what if they ''find'' him? Crawl free, buddy. ''[the worm slithers away]'' You know, someday, I may be in trouble, and that little squirmy guy might save my life. ''[the sheep look unamused]'' ...Yeah, I don't buy it either.
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:'''Grandpa Piggley''': I tell you, I'd never seen anything like it. All that oats made that old donkey run faster than any racehorse I'd ever seen before, or ever seen since. Like the lightning, he was! In fact, faster than lightning!
:'''Sean and Seamus''': Grandpa!
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Okay. Maybe not as fast as all of that.
===Fir Not [1.15]===
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': We've been visited by a [[w:far darrig|fir darrig]].
:'''Sean''': Far jarry?
:'''Seamus''': Far jagger?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Fir. Darrig. Are you lads ever going to learn to speak the language?
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:''[Describing the fir darrig.]''
:'''Piggley''': He's about the size of a leprechaun. With a tail.
:'''Dannan''': And he has whiskers.
:'''Piggley''': And... huge flappy ears.
:'''Dannan''': And little beady eyes. ''[points to Wiley]'' Like him!
:'''Wiley''': Me?
:'''Dannan''': And a snout like you wouldn't believe.
:'''Piggley''': And broad shoulders!
:'''Dannan''': And teeny-tiny little feet.
:'''Wiley''': Delicate. Not tiny. Delicate.
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:'''Wiley''': Let's face it, Wiley. You got it. And what is "it"? I don't know. That's why it's called "it", instead of... Debbie.
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:''[The sheep are chasing after the pie on the fishing line like in a football game.]''
:'''Wiley''': Nice recovery by Darla! They don't call her the Wooly Wonder for nothing.
:''[The aforementioned sheep crashes.]''
:'''Wiley''': ...Come to think of it, they don't call her the Wooly Wonder.
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:'''Wiley''': What a game! What excitement! It's a kaleidoscope of competition! The thrill of victory, the agony of--
:''[The sheep running with the pie gets its wool pulled off by another. The sheep stops in embarrassment, before the pie is snatched away.]''
:'''Wiley''': ...a bald sheep with no pie!
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:''[Wiley gets the pie snatched away from him on the fishing line by Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]''
:'''Wiley''': Now ''that's'' fast food.
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:''[The pie has smashed a window on Piggley's house.]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, now you've done it!
:'''Piggley''': Me?!
:'''Dannan''': You shouldn't have pulled so hard!
:'''Piggley''': It was Ferny who put his weight into it!
:'''Ferny''': Oh, but Dannan threw it off balance!
:'''Dannan''': Oh no, I did not!
:'''Ferny''': You did so!
:'''Dannan''': Did not!
:'''Piggley''': Did so!
:'''Ferny''': You were the one in front!
:'''Piggley''': I was barely touching it!
:'''Dannan''': You were stepping on my toes!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': You know, we didn't actually ''see'' the window break, did we?
:'''Dannan''': Trust me, Piggley. That's a ''BROKEN'' window.
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:'''Padrig''': If these fine, honest children say that this was done by a fir darrig, then that must have been the case. Why, they would never make up such a story. Everyone knows a fir darrig is a rascal to start with. And if you were to blame him for something he didn't do, well... he could be mean! Even downright spiteful!
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:'''Wiley''': I'm gifted enough to perform any kind of story. Mystery? Haha! What's that? I don't know! Romance. Dare I tell you of my love? Dare I let the honeyed words drop slowly from my lips? I dare! Westerns! Howdy, partners. Howdy, ma'am. Reckon I'll head down the trail a piece. Some dude with a rig on his hip is a-takin' to make a heap of trouble, I reckon.
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:''[Padrig is pretending to scold Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]''
:'''Padrig''': Now, see here, you ruffians! How dare you break a window, then blame a poor innocent fir darrig for your own mischief! For shame! Shame, I say! ''[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan beg]'' A lifetime of peelin' potatoes is too good for the likes of you!
:'''Piggley''': Keep it up, Dad. ''[he, Ferny, and Dannan go back to begging]''
:'''Padrig''': It's cleaning the barn for you, top to bottom, spic and span! And none of ya will see the light of day until the barn is as clean as a whistle!
:'''Ferny''': Please, sir! Anything but that!
:'''Padrig''': It's no use begging for mercy! Me mind's made up!
<hr width=50% />
:''[Cleaning the barn.]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh, this is a powerful big job.
:'''Dannan''': Well, it's a powerful big apology we've got to be giving to the fir darrig.
:'''Ferny''': You know, come to think of it, I never ''did'' see that fir darrig.
:'''Dannan''': You're right! We never did! Why, how do we know that there ever ''was'' one, and if he was ever truly mad at us?
:'''Ferny''': Oh, Janey Mack! And we gave ourselves all this extra work!
:'''Piggley''': Maybe you're right, lads. But then again... maybe not.
===The Legend of Raloo [1.16]===
:'''Mr. Hornsby''': And Cú Chulainn said to himself, "I am all alone against all those who will follow Queen Maeve. I cannot defeat them, but I must not let them win."
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny''': I don't want to be a prisoner. Besides, in the story, Queen Maeve was the enemy of Cú Chulainn. You should be taking her prisoner, not me.
:'''Dannan''': ''[laughs]'' This is our legend, prisoner! And in our story, all the Irish are on the same side.
:'''Piggley''': You see, Ferny. It's like when martians invade in movies. You're the invader, and we're protecting Ireland.
:'''Ferny''': ''[sadly]'' Oh.
:'''Dannan''': And now, ''baddie,'' you're our prisoner!
:'''Ferny''': Not anymore, I'm not! ''[throws down his bucket helmet and runs away]'' Now I'm an escaped prisoner!
:'''Piggley''': ''[laughs]'' That's good, Ferny!
:'''Dannan''': We can't let the prisoner escape, Cú Chulainn!
:'''Piggley''': Go on, Ferny! You're gonna have to run faster than that so we can chase ya!
:'''Dannan''': And capture you again!
:'''Ferny''': I don't want to run faster, and I don't want to be captured again, and I don't want to play anymore!
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:'''Ferny''': What fun is it being the enemy all day, just 'cause I'm Spanish? Maybe I'd run all the way back to Spain. That'd show 'em.
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:'''Wiley''': ''[hearing the night sounds]'' I haven't heard this much noise since Bernie sat on a hedgehog!
:''[NOTE: The captions mistakenly use Ferny's name instead of Bernie.]''
===Milk Melodrama [1.18]===
:'''Wiley''': Okay, the colorful sheep improvement project has not been going that well. In fact, I wouldn't be out of line to say, it stinks. Painting Fluffy made his wool all stiff and weird, so we had to shave Fluffy, who, until his wool grows back, will now be known as Skinny.
===No Girls Allowed [1.19]===
:'''Wiley''': I can't stand it anymore! "Baa, baa"! That's all you ever say!
:'''Gray sheep''': What do you expect? They're sheep.
:'''Wiley''': Yeah, that's true, but-- Hey, whoa, you talked! You opened your mouth and real words came out!
:'''Gray sheep''': Boy, nothing gets by you, does it?
:'''Wiley''': Finally, someone to talk to! This is great! We can discuss poetry, and music, macramé! We can have an intelle-cellec-cellec-ellectual exchange!
:'''Gray sheep''': Do you mind? You're-- You're standing on my lunch.
:'''Wiley''': Oh, I'm sorry.
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:'''Dannan''': So, you're in the spooky storytellers club without me, are you? And I can't be in the club because I'm a girl, am I? And girls are scared of ghosts and things, are they?! '''''YOU BOTH KNOW QUITE WELL THAT I'M NOT AFRAID OF GHOSTS, OR MONSTERS, OR SPOOKY STORIES!!!'''''
:'''Ferny''': Uh, Piggley? I think she's mad.
:'''Piggley''': Uh, Dannan... We know you're not scared of those things, and you're great at telling spooky stories, but Hector says--
:'''Dannan''': HECTOR?! ...Well now, if Hector says it, it must be true. Scary stories told by brave boys like yourself just might be too much for a delicate thing like me.
:'''Ferny''': Really?
:'''Piggley''': Oh. You're not mad, then?
:'''Dannan''': Mad? Ha! Don't be silly. You boys go on ahead to your little storytelling club. Have a scary good time! I insist! Hee-hee! ''[steps out the barn]'' It's going to be a lot scarier than you think it'll be!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Gray sheep''': So, what do you do for fun around here?
:'''Wiley''': We graze. Then we walk. Sometimes we mosey. Then we graze again. Walk, graze, walk, graze, walk--
:'''Gray sheep''': Okay, okay, got it. ''[watches the flock]'' Not exactly overachievers, are they?
:'''Wiley''': ''[offended]'' Hey, this is my flock you're talking about. They may not be the smartest.
:''[A sheep stands under an overturned bucket wedged between a fence and a wall, as water drips on its head.]''
:'''Wiley''': Or the ''second'' smartest.
:''[A sheep knits a sock with its own wool.]''
:'''Wiley''': ''[embarrassed]'' Or the third.
:''[A sheep blows on another sheep's propeller beanie.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': ''[sighs with annoyance]'' Is this gonna go on long?
:'''Wiley''': Usually an hour and a half.
:'''Gray sheep''': I think it's time for some changes around here.
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:'''Gray sheep''': ''[being pampered by three lady sheep]'' So then I said, "What do you think I'm made of, wool?"
:''[The lady sheep giggle.]''
:'''Wiley''': Agnes! Lucille! Mary-Lou! What are you doing?! Whoa, look at the shine on those hooves!
:'''Gray sheep''': Dazzling, aren't they? Uh, you missed a spot.
:'''Wiley''': Look, pal, all you've done since you've got here is insult me and my flock. And now if I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to take over as head sheep.
:'''Gray sheep''': He's cute, but a little slow.
:'''Wiley''': That's it! We are going to settle this the way they do in Brooklyn!
:'''Gray sheep''': You mean...?
:'''Wiley''': You got it! A dance-off! Hit it! ''[dances]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Not bad, but you're looking at a three-time golden hooves champion.
:''[Wiley and the other sheep dance together while the flock watches.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Well, flock, which one of us has the magic feet?
:''[After a beat, the entire flock blows a raspberry. Wiley and the gray sheep slump sadly.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Hoo... Tough audience.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Ferny and I really wanted to like Hector's version of "The Hand with the Thirteen Fingers". We truly did. But we couldn't help remembering how much more fun and scary it was when Dannan had told us the story the summer before. Of course, now that I think of it, I don't know if it would have really mattered if Hector had been the greatest storyteller of all time or not. For Ferny and myself, something was missing. And that something was Dannan.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Gosford''': Okay, and then they heard this noise... Oh, wait. Did I say first it was a ghost ship? Okay, sorry. ''[laughs]'' It was a ghost ship. ''[honks]'' So, they heard this noise, and oh no, it's not a ghost ship! Okay, everybody, forget I said that! They hear the noise, and that's the ghost ship!
:'''Piggley''': Jakers. I'd love to hear Dannan tell this one.
:'''Ferny''': Oh, me too.
:'''Gosford''': So, now the ghost ship, honk, comes up next to the other ship. Wait, wait just a second. And there are ghosts on it! Honk. On the ghost ship, that is, on the other ship, I'm not really sure, so we'll just pretend there's just like a giant squid.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Elly''': Well, excuse me, boys, but I heard you were telling scary stories here. Would it be alright if I listened in?
:'''Padrig''': I know she's a girl, but I'm hoping you might make an exception for your own mother.
:'''Hector''': Well, uh... Being a mother isn't the same as being a girl.
:'''Piggley''': It's okay, Mammy. You can stay.
:'''Elly''': Oh, thank you, boys.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': See, Hector? Girls can be just as scary as you. ''Scarier'', even!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': This farm's not big enough for the two of us.
:'''Gray sheep''': You are right, fuzzy, so there's only one thing left to do. A vote. Okay, flock. It's up to you. Who will it be? A multi-talented, curly-wooled sheep about town such as myself... or him?
:''[The flock looks at Wiley and the gray sheep. Wiley smiles and waves at his flock. Soon, one by one, the flock walks up to Wiley's side, much to the surprise of the gray sheep.]''
:'''Gray sheep''': Well, I... I have to hand it to you, Wiley. You are the leader of one loyal flock.
:'''Wiley''': I am? ''[the other sheep nod]''
:'''Gray sheep''': And you're a pretty good dancer, too. ''[dons his top hat]'' Maybe we'll meet up again when I've brushed up a bit. ''[dances and leaves whistling]''
:''[Wiley and the flock wave goodbye.]''
:'''Wiley''': Uh, so, sweetheart, what did you think of my dancing? Be honest. ''[the sheep whispers to Wiley]'' Not ''that'' honest. ''[laughs]'' You sweet-talker.
===New Best Friends [1.20]===
:'''Gosford''': My oak tree is ancient!
:'''Dannan''': My rowan tree is prehistoric!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Who wants to get Uncle Wiley a pillow? Who wants to get Uncle Wiley an ice pack?
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': A flower? After what you kids put me through, you think a flower is gonna make it all better?
===Treasure Hunt [1.21]===
:'''Wiley''': Okay, no more treasure hunt. After all, the best things in life are free. If only I could believe that.
===A Little Bit of Something Extra! Extra! [1.23]===
:'''Piggley''': Sir, Piggley Winks from the Tara School News here! Are you lost?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Eh, no, I...
:'''Piggley''': Have you been robbed?
:'''Male pig citizen''': No.
:'''Piggley''': Did your house burn down?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Oh, I hope not!
:'''Piggley''': Have you seen any good movies lately?
:'''Male pig citizen''': ''[frustrated]'' I... I'm just looking for me car!
:'''Piggley''': Aha! Your car has been stolen! Tell me, who do you think might have stolen it, then?
:'''Male pig citizen''': Well, it's not stolen! I just can't remember where I parked it. ''[laughs]'' There it is!
:'''Dannan''': Oh, it's too bad he found his car. That would've made a fine story.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': News isn't about pretending. It's about telling the truth.
:'''Piggley''': But we're not finding any interesting truth to tell.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': Made-up news isn't real news, Piggley.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Hopping hairballs! No Little Baa! Where are you?!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Hector''': ''[seeing Little Baa in the cauliflower box]'' The cauliflower is alive!
===Ferny Gets a Crush [1.24]===
:''[The sheep are terrified by the sound of Padrig's tractor backfiring.]''
:'''Wiley''': Hey, hey. What are you guys hiding behind me for? Oh yeah, I forgot. Defender of the flock, and all that. Hey, you think maybe we could start that defending stuff tomorrow?
:''[The sheep bleat and push Wiley to the door.]''
:'''Wiley''': Alright, I'm going, I'm going. What a stupid day to become a knight.
:''[Wiley goes outside, and sees smoke from the tractor coming out from the side of the barn.]''
:'''Wiley''': Sweet Sally from Sligo! It's a dragon! Some day, I'm sure I'll look back on this thing and laugh. Or scream in terror. Who knows?
===Lucky U [1.26]===
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': ''[singing'' Molly Malone ''while watering his garden]''
:She wheeled the wheelbarrow
:Through streets broad and narrow
:Crying "Cockles and mussels!"
:"Alive, alive-oh!"
:"Alive, alive-oh...!"
:"Alive, alive..."
==Season 2==
===Molly Had a Little Lamb [2.2]===
:'''Molly''': No! This is naughty, Lamby! This food doesn't belong to you! I'm sorry, but you shouldn't even be here. Lambs should be in the field with the other sheep. It's time to take you home.
===Rain, Rain Go Away [2.4]===
:'''Wiley''': Hey, flock. Anybody notice anything, like water? Of course, you don't. Nothing can get through that thick wool of yours. Me, I'm delicate. I notice things, like when I'm being rained on. ''[lots of rain falls down on Wiley]'' That's it. I'm off to find someplace that's not so damp. ''[slips and falls in the water]'' Hold my calls.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[making a sandwich his own way for Molly]'' Now, what do you say to that?
:'''Molly''': '''THAT'S NOT HOW MAMMY DOES IT!!!'''
:'''Piggley''': Of course not! Like I told you, it's a Piggley special.
:'''Molly''': I don't like the Piggley special sandwich! I like Mammy's sandwiches!
:'''Piggley''': Sure you haven't even tried it?
:'''Molly''': '''''MAMMYYYYYY!!!'''''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Look at this place! No wonder they call it a ruin, it's ruined!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[inside a dark castle with a bunch of wild goats]'' No offense, but someone here has missed their appointment with a shower.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[reading to Molly]'' Buck Bravo was the bravest sheriff in the wild west. Wherever he went, people felt safer knowing he was on the job.
:'''Molly''': Where's the wild west?
:'''Piggley''': In America. It's where cowboys come from. Whenever there was trouble, a call would go out, and Buck would ride to the rescue.
:'''Molly''': ''[gasps]'' To save a princess?
:'''Piggley''': There's no princesses in the wild west, Molly. Buck would saddle up his trusty horse, Dusty, and--
:'''Molly''': Can Dusty fly?
:'''Piggley''': Horses can't fly, Molly.
:'''Molly''': Princess Princy Plumme's horse can fly.
:'''Piggley''': ''[gives up]'' And they lived happily ever after, the end!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Yuck. I've heard about caves. They're dark, and dirty, and filled with bats. Ugh. But dry. Very dry.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': You're not running out into the rain to tell Mam that I'm not sharing a pretend bird with you!
===A Touch of Spain [2.5]===
:'''Dannan''': Why is it that not one of us knew that donkeys don't wear horseshoes?
:'''Piggley''': Oh, I guess that's why they don't call it donkeyshoes.
:'''Dannan''': At least the horse is happy.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Piggley goes to Dannan's house early the next morning.]''
:'''Piggley''': Dannan, Dannan, I have to talk to you!
:'''Dannan''': Piggley, you wouldn't put a dog out this early in the morning.
:'''Piggley''': But, Dannan! I know how to keep Don Toro from going back to Spain!
:'''Dannan''': What are you doing to do, wake him up so he's too tired to go?
:'''Piggley''': I've got the perfect plan. Don Toro's leaving 'cause he misses Spain, right?
:'''Dannan''': Right...
:'''Piggley''': So, instead of going to Spain, we bring Spain to him!
:'''Dannan''': You are sleep deprived.
===Waking Thor [2.7]===
:'''Piggley''': A sandwich! Raw vegetables! They've turned me into... Vlad the Daft!
:'''Dannan''': ''[gasps]'' A vampire! Don't worry, Ferny! I'll protect ya!
:'''Ferny''': Why do they call you "Daft"?
:'''Piggley''': Because I always do the opposite of what I'm told!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny:'''
:Oh...
:Thor, I'll miss you
:And I'll feel sad
:But I won't forget
:The good times we had
:I gave you your name
:And I gave you care
:But you gave me something
:Much more rare
:Deep in my heart
:You'll always be there...
===Dannan Does a Jig [2.10]===
:'''Wiley''': Look, if you guys don't start shaping up, I'm gonna have to bring in a sheepdog to control you! A sheepdog! You know, the kind with ''teeth!''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': Who says you can't teach an old sheep new tricks?
<hr width=50% />
:''[Dannan's feet are painted red and blue to help her dance, but she crashed in the middle of dancing.]''
:'''Dannan''': Me feet might be red and blue, but me backside is black and blue.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[tired of pretending to be a sheepdog]'' This dog stuff is for the birds, and I am a sheep.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Dannan is having a nightmare where she embarrasses herself and her grandmother with her dancing in front of the whole school.]''
:'''Grandma''': ''[disappointed]'' Just like your grandfather!
===Wish Upon a Story (Part 1) [2.12]===
:''[In Sean's story, Molly asks to ride the Raloo Rocket, which has turned into a real rocket.]''
:'''Piggley''': Are you whacked?! It's too dangerous for little girls!
:'''Molly''': No fair!
:'''Piggley''': Yes, fair!
:'''Molly''': Well, if you ask me, I think this whole thing is bogus!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Elly''': Don't you be coming home late for dinner now, little dude.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[riding Finnegan in Egypt]'' Hey, hey, we're walkin' here!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': I think you're headed right towards the Eiffel Tower, Commander Piggley!
:'''Ferny''': Hit the brakes!
:'''Piggley''': I don't think there are any brakes!
:'''Ferny''': Oh. Bummer.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Piggley''': ''[landing on the moon]'' That's one small step for me, but one giant leap for kid-kind!
<hr width=50% />
:''[In Meg's story, Dannan has made a wish to control Mr. Hornsby's words.]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' Now, class... ''['''Meg:''' Said the teacher.]'' Your homework, I'm saying...
:'''Dannan:''' ''[quietly]'' Is put all your books down...
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' ...is put all your books down, go out and start playing?!
:'''Class:''' Huh?!
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' Instead of a test, now, here's what we'll be doing, we'll go out and play 'til the cows all stop mooing?! ''[gasps and covers his mouth]''
:'''Dannan:''' ''[laughs]''
:'''Mr. Hornsby:''' In fact, my dear children, forget being smarties! The rest of the day, '''WE'LL HAVE NOTHING BUT PARTIES!!!'''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': They're having a party. Well, that's truly amazing. Those kids are as happy as hungry sheep grazing. Hey, whaddya know? I'm a poet, and I don't even know it.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': ''[seeing Ferny as a giant]'' Hoppin' hairballs, someone oughta tell that kid to lay off the nachos.
===The Creepy Cabbages of County Galway [2.14]===
:'''Padrig''': ''[on a crossword puzzle]'' A five-letter word meaning "elf".
:'''Elly''': Gnome.
<hr width=50% />
:'''Padrig''': Piggley, you're supposed to be in bed.
:'''Piggley''': But I ''love'' scary shows! Scary Monster Theater is me favorite!
:'''Padrig''': Scary Monster Theater is for children. Creepy Theater is for grown-ups.
:'''Elly''': That's why it's on ''after'' your bedtime.
<hr width=50% />
:''[Piggley is listening to the radio show from inside his bedroom.]''
:'''Professor's wife''': ''[on radio]'' Quiet night, professor?
:'''Professor''': ''[on radio]'' Indeed. Maybe, a little ''too'' quiet.
:'''Elly''': Piggley, are you under your covers?
:'''Piggley''': Uh, yes, mam, I'm under me covers. ''[snickers]''
:'''Professor's wife''': It's a beautiful night.
:'''Professor''': Beautiful, but still too quiet.
:'''Professor's wife''': ''[gasps]'' What's that? ''[panicked]'' In the cabbage field!
:''[Piggley becomes scared as he keeps listening, and hides under his covers.]''
:'''Professor''': ''[gasps]'' IT'S ALIVE!!! CABBAGE!!! '''''ALIVE!!!'''''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Dannan''': What are you two doing flying about in your noisy rocket like that while I'm trying to study?
:'''Piggley''': Uh, there's no need for studying, Dannan. I'm having a dream.
:'''Ferny''': With cabbages! ''[chuckles]''
:'''Dannan''': Why do you have cabbages in your dream, Piggley?
:'''Piggley''': Probably because I listened to the Creepy Theater radio show just before I fell asleep.
:'''Dannan''': ''[furious]'' '''WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-''WHAT?!''''' You were listening to Creepy Theater? ''[Piggley guiltily nods]'' Didn't your parents tell you that's a grown-up show?
:'''Piggley''': I figure I'm grown-up enough, Dannan. ''[after a beat, frowns]''
:'''Dannan''': Oh, you think so? Well, I won't be any part of a dream that comes from disobeying your parents!
:'''Piggley''': Okay, Dannan! But you're going to miss out on all the fun!
:'''Dannan''': Fun? Ha! Mark my words, Piggley. No good'll come of this rule-breaking stuff!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Cabbage vendor''': Cabbages! I've got cabbages! Get your cabbages today!
<hr width=50% />
:'''Miss Nanny''': How would you boys like some free sweets?
:'''Piggley''': Sweets?
:'''Ferny''': Oh, thank you, Miss Nanny! Piggley, you should've been dreaming about this from the start.
:'''Miss Nanny''': Oh, how about something extra special? I have just the thing in me shop. Wait here. ''[goes into her shop]''
:'''Ferny''': Oh... I'd rather have sweets than fly in a wagon any old day of the week.
:'''Piggley''': You can have sweets anytime, Ferny.
:'''Ferny''': Right, but I'd still rather have 'em.
:'''Miss Nanny''': ''[comes out of her shop]'' Here you go. Have some nice, chocolate-covered... cabbage!
:'''Piggley''': CABBAGE?!
:'''Miss Nanny''': If you don't like chocolate, how about a peppermint cabbage?
:''[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]''
:'''Miss Nanny''': Or perhaps butterscotch cabbage? Cotton cabbage? A cabbage toffee? ''[becoming gradually hysterical]'' A cabbage cake? Lolly-cabbage-pops! ''[Piggley and Ferny run away]'' Tutti-frutti cabbage! '''CABBAGE-SICLES!!!'''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Wiley''': You know what they say, Bernie. You are what you eat. ''[Bernie has been turned into a cabbage with hooves]'' So I'm thinking, maybe you should lay off cabbages for a little while. ''[the other sheep are all cabbages]'' In fact, the whole flock should lay off cabbages!
:''[A carrot with hooves walks up.]''
:'''Wiley''': Except for you, Ethel. You should cut down on the carrots. ''[the carrot droops sadly]''
<hr width=50% />
:'''Ferny''': Piggley, you've got to stop dreaming about cabbages!
:'''Piggley''': I can't, Ferny!
:'''Ferny''': ''[frantically shakes Piggley]'' Then wake up! Come on! '''''WAKE UP!!!''''' ''[splashes a bucket of water on Piggley]''
:'''Piggley''': It's no good, Ferny.
:'''Ferny''': What if you never wake up?
:'''Piggley''': Let's make a promise. Right here and right now. That we'll stay together always and none of us will ever become a cabbage.
:'''Ferny''': Raloo Oath.
:''[Ferny spits into his hand, as does Piggley. But as soon as they shake hands, Piggley notices in horror that Ferny's hand has turned into a big green leaf.]''
:'''Piggley''': Ferny! '''''Your hand!!'''''
:'''Ferny''': Huh? Oh, Janey Mack! Oh. It's alright. ''[shows his other hand, which is also a green leaf]'' See? The other one's just like it. ''[laughs]''
:''[Ferny turns into a cabbage.]''
==Season 3==
===Mi Galeon [3.06]===
:'''Don Toro''': Piggley and Dannan were very impressed with our boat.
:'''Ferny''': ''[depressed]'' Si, papa. They were.
:'''Don Toro''': Our galleon is sure to win the boat race.
:'''Ferny''': Maybe.
:'''Don Toro''': We can be very proud of the work we have done on our boat, Fernandito.
:'''Ferny''': ''[loses his temper]'' Why do you keep calling it OUR galleon, and OUR boat?! It's not OUR boat, it's YOUR boat! YOU made it! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PROUD!
:'''Don Toro''': Fernando, I-- ''[Ferny runs out of the shop, crying]''
===Tale Spinner [3.08]===
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You know, Mr. Hornsby told me that you have a lot of talent, Piggley.
:'''Piggley''': He did?
:'''Mr. McHoof''': Oh, yes. And I thought your story was very imaginative and exciting.
:'''Piggley''': Thank you! Does that mean I get an A+ on the assignment?
:'''Mr. McHoof''': I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you an F, Piggley.
:'''Piggley''': What?!
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You see, you didn't ''do'' the assignment.
:'''Piggley''': Eh, but... but... I have talent!
:'''Mr. McHoof''': Yes, you have been given a gift, but it's up to you to do something with it, and that, young man, takes work. Work that you did not do.
:'''Piggley''': But... But...
:'''Mr. McHoof''': You may take your seat now.
===Mind Your Manners [3.11]===
:''[Piggley has flipped his spoon on Miss Nanny's forehead.]''
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': That was the straw that broke the camel's back for Mr. McGandry. Right then and there, he decided that children would not be invited to his fancy party after all.
===The World According to Molly [3.12]===
:''[The events of "Rock Around the Cluck" in Molly's perspective.]''
:'''Piggley''': ''[about Molly's violin playing]'' Well, I say she stinks! I've heard better sounds come out of a donkey's nose! They should arrest you for crimes against music! ''[laughs evilly]''
<hr width=50% />
:''[In the last lines of the show, Grandpa Piggley is calling a grown-up Molly on the phone.]''
:'''Aunt Molly''': Hello?
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Hello, Molly!
:'''Aunt Molly''': Piggley! I suppose Meg got me diary today.
:'''Grandpa Piggley''': Yes, she did, and we both thank you for it. It's lovely. And by the way, is there anything else you remember that I need to apologize to you for, hmm?
==Voice cast==
* [[w:Peadar Lamb|Peadar Lamb]] as Grandpa Piggley Winks.
* [[w:Maile Flanagan|Maile Flanagan]] as Young Piggley Winks.
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] as Fernando Toro, Elly Winks and Ciara.
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dannan O'Mallard and Molly Winks.
* [[w:Nika Futterman|Nika Futterman]] as Seamus and Sean.
* [[w:Melissa Disney|Melissa Disney]] as Meg.
* [[Mel Brooks]] as Wiley the Sheep.
* [[w:Charlie Adler|Charlie Adler]] as Mr. Hornsby and Padrig Winks.
* [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as Hector McBadger.
* Fernando Escandon as Don Toro.
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Millie and Katrina.
* [[w:Candi Milo|Candi Milo]] as Gosford.
* [[w:Susan Silo|Susan Silo]] as Miss Nanny.
* [[w:Jessica DiCicco|Jessica DiCicco]] as Gaddie.
* Cathal Nugent as Disgruntled Goat.
* [[w:David Kelly (actor)|David Kelly]] as Captain Cumara.
* [[w:Brendan Gleeson|Brendan Gleeson]] as Older Fernando Toro.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Irish animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Irish children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:PBS Kids shows]]
[[Category:Discovery Family shows]]
[[Category:Qubo shows]]
[[Category:TVOntario shows]]
[[Category:BBC shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about pigs]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
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'''''[[w:Barney's Great Adventure|Barney's Great Adventure]]''''' is a Canadian musical [[w:Comdey film|comedy]] adventure based on the [[w:Children's television series|children's television series]] ''[[Barney & Friends]]'', featuring the character [[w:Barney the Dinosaur|Barney the Dinosaur]]. The film was written by [[w:Stephen White (television writer)|Stephen White]], directed by [[w:Steve Gomer|Steve Gomer]], produced by [[w:Sheryl Leach|Sheryl Leach]] and [[w:Lyrick Studios|Lyrick Studios]] and released by [[w:Universal Pictures|Universal Pictures]] from 2000 to 2021 and [[w:PolyGram Filmed Entertainment|PolyGram Filmed Entertainment]] from 1998 to 2000 in the United States and Canada at the height of Barney's popularity.
{{center|'''An adventure as big as your imagination.'''}}
== Barney the Dinosaur ==
* A towel, please. Thank you, Marcella. ''[giggles]'' Oh, thank you, Cody. It's so nice to have a shower after a long trip. Oh, right. I just love to pretend.
* It's beautiful. Whoops. Uh-uh, sorry.
* Ralphie, a little guitar music, please.
* Well, actually, I think it it was a flea.
* ''[evil groans]'' Huh? Oh, no! ''No!'' I gotta get driving lessons. Oh, I'm fine. Wait for minute. I don't know.
* Hmm… Well, don't give up. ''[snaps]'' When, the rain stops, we can go, hurry back outside, and look around some more, and then, maybe, we can find it.
* Aw... I know how you feel about losing something, Abby. But, cheer up! We’ll find that egg. You know we will! Don’t cry!
* ''Oh, that's ring number four. Only one more to go.'' Come back! Please! You can't our egg! No.
* Right! Yes!
* Okay.
* Oh, I think we need your help. I'd like you to pretend that we can really fly. Let's all do it together. Ready? 1... 2... 3... Now! Thank you!
* We're gonna hit... the haystack!
* They're gonna fancy dance right on top of the egg.
* ''Oh, look. It's turning <span style=color:green>green</span>.
* Well, don't give up. ( ''snaps'' ) When the rain stops, hopefully we can go hurry back outside and look around some more, and then maybe we can find it.
* It's cracking.
== BJ ==
== Baby Bop ==
* ''Excuse me.'' Uh, I said excuse me! Oh, that's better. I'm looking for my blankie. It's this big, and it's ''really, really'' soft, and it's yellow.
''[giggles]''
* Do you know where my blankie is?
* Oh, well... uh, thank you. Okay, you can go on now.
* It's wiggling.
== Grandpa Greenfield ==
* Eliza... the kids are here. Shake a leg now.
* Much. Come on.
* Yes. Don't worry. Everything will be okay. Cody. Tiger. Come on.
== Grandma Greenfield==
* They're here? Oh, my goodness. George, do I look all right?
* I know, Cody. You told us at dinner.
* Well, I'm glad he likes it. Marcella, don't leave you little doll out there all night.
* Now, Cody, I did notice at the table... that someone ate like a dinosaur tonight.
* She's a birdwatcher, dear, and I think that she knows everything about eggs and birds. Why don't you on over there?
* George, what is it?
* My stars! What happened? All you all right?
==Dialogue==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Barney''': Oh, boy! It looks like everybody's here!
:'''BJ:''': Oh, man, this is gonna be so cool!
:'''Baby Bop''': Oh, I can't wait to eat popcorn and sing along and... oh, and see the movie!
:''[All three of them laugh.]''
:'''Barney''': Well then, here we go!
:'''Baby Bop''': Roll 'em!
:''[The screen fades from black. During the song that plays throughout the opening credits, we see a green minivan drive through the countryside and the title kicks in. In the minivan, a dad drives, a mom looks at a map, a girl holds Barney (as a doll), another girl stitches lanyard, while a boy plays on his GameBoy, and a baby sits in his seat, silently.]''
:'''Marcella''': Are we there yet?
:'''Kate Newton''': Your turn.
:'''Colton Newton''': No, not yet, Marcella.
:'''Abigail "Abby" Newton''': Oh, it's taking too long!
:'''Cody Newton''': ''[annoyed, to Abigail]'' What's your hurry?? They're dumping us for a whole week!
:'''Colton''': Oh, come on Cody, you're going to have a great time. You can help Grandpa with the farm chores, like, uh... "milking the chickens!"
:'''Others''': ''[laugh]''
:'''Cody''': Get the doll out of my face!
:''[Marcella takes the Barney doll out of Cody's face, just as she and Abby are about to say...]''
:'''Abby/Marcella''': Talk to the hand, 'cause the face ain't home, leave a message at the tone: beep! ''[both laugh: What they were going to say was "Abby and Marcella can't come to the phone. Please leave a message after the beep... beep! If you are satisfied with your message, press one or hang up!"]''
:'''Marcella''': Do you like dinosaurs?
:'''Cody''': What about them?
:'''Abby''': That's Barney!
:'''Cody''': I know it's Barney. The ''whole world'' knows it's Barney, and he's a stuffed doll!
:'''Marcella''': You're wrong. Barney can walk and talk.
:'''Abby''': And sing! And dance!
:'''Colton''': Batteries not included.
:''[Laughter from Marcella, Abby and Kate]''
:'''Cody''': Sing and dance?
:'''Abby''': We use our imaginations.
:'''Cody''': Your imaginations? That's kid stuff!
:'''Abby''': That's all right - we ''are'' kids! ''[she laughs with Marcella as the family pass a street in the town of Merrivale. There's a sign above them reading "Merrivale Apple Day Festival"]''
:'''Colton''': Hey, look, Merrivale Apple Day Festival - parade, circus, hot air balloons, fireworks... wow!
:'''Abby''': It's tomorrow! Can Grandma and Grandpa bring us?
:'''Colton''': Um...
:'''Kate Newton''': Well, maybe, but don't count on it, okay?
:'''Cody''': Oh, great! The one ''good'' to do in town, and we'll probably miss it!
:'''Grandpa''': Delilah, the kids are here, shake a leg now!
:'''Grandma''': They're here? Oh, my goodness! Geroge.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The girls furrow their brows slightly, eyes closed, as they "use their imaginations". Cody finds this amusing. Abby opens one eye long enough to give her brother a dirty look, then both girls redouble their efforts - eyes tightly shut, faces humorously scrunched.]''
:'''Cody''': Gee, ''no'' Barney? Maybe you're ''not'' trying hard ''enough''!
:''[From the GIRLS POV, we see Cody laughing. But behind him, as soon as they hear the shower turning on, all three kids react with surprise. Cody slowly turns around to look. We see a CLOSE UP of the bathtub's legs... as they VISIBLY BEND under immense weight! The girls open their eyes, slack-jawed, and the water turns off. A pregnant moment ticks by, and Cody s-l-o-w-l-y starts to reach for the curtain’s edge. Suddenly, a purple hand pulls back the curtain! We see BARNEY, still with some drops of water on him. Cody falls to the floor in surprise, and Marcella and Abby are amazed.]''
:'''Barney''': ''[jolly]'' A towel, please! ''[At this pedestrian request, the two girls smile... then begin to laugh. Cody remains stunned - his hand still outstretched. Barney starts to climb from the tub. CLOSE-UP of tub legs as they flex back up to normal position. Marcella grabs a BATH TOWEL and hands it to Barney.]'' Thank you, Marcella!
:'''Marcella''': ''[As Barney buffs himself dry with the towel, she says...]'' He knows my name.
:''[Barney notices that Cody is still standing with his arm outstretched... and nicely drapes the moist towel over it.]''
:'''Barney''': Oh, and thank you, Cody! It's so nice to have a shower after a long car trip. Now, what were we playing before, Abby?
:'''Abby''': We were playing a game of pretend, remember?
:'''Barney''': Oh, right! I just love to pretend.
:'''Marcella''': Hey, why don't we go play in the barn?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': Okay, "Barney"... you're really here, 'cause in ''my'' imagination... then you're about to disappear!
:'''Abby/Marcella''': Co-dy!
:''[Cody scrunches his eyes tightly shut.]''
:'''Cody''': I... do... ''not''... believe in you!
:''[Cody slowly opens his eyes. From Cody's POV, we see Marcella and Abby looking at him with faint annoyance. Barney is noticeably absent between them. Cody smiles with relief... then is suddenly startled when Barney leans into frame and puts a hand on Cody's shoulder! The two are practically nose to nose.]''
:'''Barney''': ''[Warm & Significant]'' That's okay, Cody. ''[a beat]'' I believe in you...
:''[He chuckles as he gives Cody a Barney-sized hug.]''
:'''Cody''': ''[grumps]'' Barney the Dinosaur is ''not'' in this barn!
:''[That night, after dinner...]''
:'''Cody''': I'm telling you, Barney's in your barn.
:'''Grandma''': I know. Cody, you told us at dinner.
:'''Grandpa''': Several times.
:'''Cody''': Listen to me, Grandma, Grandpa. Barney the Dinosaur is in ''your'' barn! ( ''no audio'' ) ''Isn't he?''
:'''Grandma''': Marcella, don't leave your little doll.
:'''Cody''':
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': I wish! Wish! I wish could have are real adventure this summer! Do things that no one else has done before! That would be cool! How's that for a wish, Barney? Barney? Barney? ( ''sighs'' ) Man, I must be lose it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': ''[sighs]'' Whoa!
''[pail shakes]''
:'''Cody''': What's going on?
''[Barney whimpering]''
:'''Barney''': Well! Uh, Um, To tell you the truth! I, Uh.
:'''Marcella''': Hey, maybe it'll Grandma will know.
:'''Abby''': Let's go ask her.
:'''Barney''': Oh, Okay. ''[Cody spins Barney around then his farmer suit disappear back to himself again]'' Wait for me! ''[Barney runs out of the barn after the kids]''
''[footsteps running]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': Well, Barney has ''it''!
:'''Grandpa''': Right! Where's Barney?
:'''Cody''': I'll go find out! Make sure they ''don't'' go anywhere!
:'''Abby''': You have to see this egg.
:'''Marcella''': What bird lady?
:'''Grandma''': She's a birdwatcher, dear, and I think she knows everything and eggs and birds. Why don't you children go on over there?
:'''Cody''': Never mild. I'm taking ''you'' to see my grandparents right now.
:'''Barney''': Oh, well, good. Bye, Fig. I'll just, uh...
:'''Cody''': Oh, Grandma will be in a second, okay? Hey, wait for me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abby''': To take the egg to Ms. Goldfinch! Hurry up!
:'''Barney''': Okay!
:'''Cody''': Wait! I want Grandma and Grandpa to see it right now!
:'''Barney''': Oh!
:'''Cody''': Grandma!
''[evil thunderclaps to at once]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Barney''': Come on, Agnes.
:'''Marcella''': We have much farther to go.
:'''Abby''': I don't think so.
:'''Cody''': I don't remember it looking like this last year.
:'''Marcella''': Maybe, we're lost.
:'''Abby''': Barney?
:''[Abby and Marcella, except Cody, shouted at Barney]''
:'''Barney''': Look what I found! ''[Barney moves the branch up and the swan sign said Goldfinch]'' That way.
:'''Cody''': There is no that way.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Barney''': Well, the egg is hatch, when all five of these rings light up. But it'll only hatch in the very spot where Cody it.
:'''Abby''': In the barn!
:'''Ms. Goldfinch''': Oh, Hovering hummingbirds, You're right! There's three more to go! Oh, you better get that egg back to the barn right away!
:'''Cody''': Oh, come on! You're dreaming if you think that--
:'''Ms. Goldfinch''': Cody, be careful!
:'''Barney''': Oh, no!
:'''Marcella''': Oh, no! No, no!
:'''Abby''': No, no, no!
:'''Marcella''': No!
:'''Cody''': No, stop!
:'''Marcella''': No!
:'''Children''': No!
:'''Miss Goldfinch''': Go, go, go!
:'''Cody''': I'm taking the fast way!
:'''Mr. Millet''': See you, Miss Goldfinch!
:'''Barney''': No, wait, Mr. Millet, stop! You've got our egg!
:'''Girls''': Mr. Millet, stop! You've got our egg!
:'''Abby''': Don't let him get away!
:'''Marcella''': Stop, stop!
:'''Barney''': Oh, no! Mr. Millet!
:'''Cody''': Come back here, Mr. Millet! Come on, let's get on a horse and go!
:'''Abby''': But we can't all ride on Agnes!
''[crowd cheering]''
:'''Baby Bop''': ''Excuse me.'' Uh, I said excuse me!
''[cheering stops]''
:'''Baby Bop''': Oh, that's better. I'm looking for my blankie. It's big, and it's ''really, really'' soft and it's yellow. ''[giggles]'' Do you know where my blankie is?
:'''All Crowd''': No, we don't!
:'''Baby Bop''': Oh, well... uh, thank you. Okay, you can go on now.
''[crowd cheers']''
:'''Barney''': Mr. Millet, Mr. Millet! Stop!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abby''': Oh, I can't look!
:'''Marcella''': Oh, tell me when it's over!
:'''Barney''': Oh, that's very impressive!
:'''Cody''': Hey, don't scramble our egg!
:'''Barney''': No, stop! Oh! Oh, look, it's turning green!
:'''Abby''': That's number three!
:'''Marcella''': Oh, just two more to go!
:'''Cody''': Hey, where'd it go?
:'''Barney''': But I don't know!
:'''Marcella''': Look, there it is! No, mister, don't do it!
:'''Cody''': No!
:'''Marching Band Musician''': ''[blows sousaphone]''
:'''Children''': No, mister, don't blow!
:'''Marching Band Musician''': ''[He blows stuck harder and egg lands out of a sousaphone...]''
:'''Barney''': Go after it! Come on!
:'''Cody''': Let's go get it! Let's go!
:'''Barney''': Oh, hurry!
:'''Abby''': Where is it?
:'''Barney''': Oh, there it goes!
:'''Football Player B.J.''': ''[and it lands on his hands.]'' Wide open! Touchdown! Ha-ha! Yeah!
:'''Cody''': What?
:'''Girls''': B.J.?
:'''Football Player B.J.''': B.J. makes the play of the game! The world's greatest football player, B.J.! Yeah!
:'''Abby''': Great catch, B.J.!
:'''Football Player B.J.''': You should see me throw! ''[He throws the egg...]''
:'''Barney''': What?
:'''Abby''': No!
:'''Barney''': Oh, no!
:'''Cody''': No! ''[it rolls on Chez Snobbe's roof and it lands on a woman's hat.]'' It's on that woman's hat!
:'''Barney''': Well, she's going into that restaurant!
:'''Marcella''': What are we waiting for? Let's go!
:'''Barney''': Quick, after her!
:'''Cody''': Yeah, come on, hurry up!
:'''Football Player B.J.''': Oh, man, I'm really, really sorry!
:'''Barney''': Oh, that's okay, B.J., you didn't mean to do anything wrong.
:'''Football Player B.J.''': But Barney, I...
:'''Barney''': I gotta go, bye! Wait for me!
:'''Football Player B.J.''': Okay.
:'''Abby''': Where's the egg? I don't see it.
:'''Barney''': Very fancy!
:'''Abby''': There it is!
:'''Cody''': Let's go get it!
:''[Woman laughs and on top of waiter's dish and tray]''
:'''Waiter''': Welcome to Chez Snobbe. Come right this way, please.
:'''Abby''': Where's the egg?
:'''Marcella''': We're just gonna have to look.
:'''Barney''': Maybe I could create a little distraction to get everyone's attention.
:'''Cody''': Man, they're gonna throw us outta here for sure. Well, what exactly are you gonna do, Barney?
:'''Abby''': Barney, where'd he go?
:'''Cody''': Barney?
:'''Abby''': Barney, here is he?
:'''Marcella''': Look!
:'''Barney''': Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Chez Snobbe, I'd like to invite you to sing along... with one of the all-time great musical masterpieces. Maestro?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': What's he doing up there?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Children''': Now's our chance! That's the distraction! Come on, guys!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': Eww! Not in there. Enjoy your thing!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Marcella''': Eww, snails? You really eat this stuff?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Abby''': We looked all over and we can't find it anywhere!
:'''Barney''': Look, there it is! Quick, after it! Thank you! Thank you!
:'''French Waiter''': ''[speaking French meaning "My friends, from the bottom of my heart, you are purple and magnificent!"]''
:'''Barney''': ''[specking French meaning "Ah, Sir, you are too kind. The pleasure is all ours."]''
:'''Children''': There it is, Barney!
:'''Barney''': Oh, look, May I? Salmon? Oh, where's the egg?
:'''Waiter''': Oh, that great big colorful thing?
:'''All''': Yes!
:'''Waiter''': We put it in a "to-go" sack.
:'''Abby''': What?
:'''Waiter''': We sent it back to those clowns at the circus.
:'''Together''': The circus?
:'''Waiter''': They've been playing tricks on us... ever since they got to town. It's one of their take-out orders. ''[laughs]'' Wait until they crack it open.
:'''Children''': Crack it open??
:'''Barney''': What?? Oh, I don't like the sound of that! Come on, everybody! Bye-bye! So long!
:'''Acrobat''': Thank you!
:'''Chez Snobbe Delivery Man''': There you go!
:'''Unicycle''': Oh, thank you!
:'''Man''': And you.
:'''Cody''': It's got to be in one of those bags.
:'''Abby''': Let's split up. I'll go with Marcella.
:'''Marcella''': And you two go together.
:'''Barney''': Okay! Wait, this way.
:'''Abby''': Did you see an egg about this big it has stripes on it?
:'''Man''': No, no, no.
:'''Marcella''': Look, look in the bag. Turn it, turn it... ''[sighs]''
:'''Cody''': Very colorful stripes around it.
:'''Barney''': Sure, have you seen that?
:'''Cody''': Yeah!
:'''Marcella''': Um, have you seen our egg it's about this big?
:'''Contortionist''': No!
:'''Abby''': Mister, have you seen our egg has colorful rings on it?
:'''Barney''': Excuse me, could you help me out? I'm looking for an egg. I really need to find it.
:''[squeaks]''
:'''BOTH''': No!
:'''Unicycle holding a sandwich''': No!
:'''Trampolinist''': No!
:'''BOTH''': Did you find it? Did you guys find it? I didn't see it anywhere.
:'''Marcella''': There it is! There it is!
:'''Barney''': Oh, quick, get it! Get it!
:'''Cody''': Hurry! Get it! Hurry!
:'''Barney''': Oh, no! There it goes.
:'''Marcella''': Come on, get it! Hurry!
:'''Abby''': Somebody catch it.
:''[bounce]''
:'''Barney''': Nice bounce! Whoa! Oh! Oh, stop it, no! Go after it. Excuse me.
:'''Juggler''': Wow! You caught me by surprise, my large purple friend. I like surprises. Surprises are for birthdays and birthdays go with cakes.
:'''Abby''': But, mister--
:'''Juggler''': Whoa! ''[birthday cake drops]'' What is it, young lady?
:'''Abby''': That's our egg you're juggling.
:'''Juggler''': That's good, I like eggs. Eggs are for breakfast and that means frying pans.
:'''Marcella''': It's a dream maker!
:'''Abby''': Please, I'm worried about it.
:'''Juggler''': Well, young lady, if there's a sudden gust of gravity, will the dream maker bounce?
:'''Abby''': No!
:'''Juggler''': Then we're both worried about it. There is a way to stop... called the Peking Duck trick.
:'''Barney''': How does that go?
:'''Juggler''': The Peking Duck trick goes like this. First you all close your eyes. Are you peeking?
:'''BOTH''': No!
:'''Juggler''': Than duck...
:'''BOTH''': Oh!
:'''Barney''': Oh! Hmm, oh! ''[thunderclaps]'' Where'd it go? Where's the egg?
:'''Cody''': Where's the egg?
:'''Barney''': I don't--
:'''BOTH''': Where's the juggler?
:'''Abby''': Uh, please?
:'''Barney''': Well, oh, no.
:'''Cody''': Oh, great. Oh, no.
:'''Barney''': Come on, everybody, let's go!
:'''Cody''': Come on! Let's go under the tent! Let's go in here for a while.
:'''Barney''': Oh, sorry. Oh, hurry. Oh, whew.
:'''Cody''': This is not good.
:'''Marcella''': It's just... gone.
:'''Abby''': We've lost the egg again and this time we're never going to find it.
:'''Barney''': Well, don't give up. ''[light snaps]'' When the rain stops, we can look around some more and then maybe we can find it.
:'''Cody''': ''[enraged]'' We already looked around! We're not gonna find it, we've lost it!!
:'''Abby''': ''[mad]'' You don't even wanna find it, you never did!! It was crazy kid stuff!!
:'''Cody''': ''[angrily scolding]'' WAIT! NO!!!
:'''Abby''': ''[gets angrier]'' What's wrong with just being a kid, Cody? What's wrong with that?
''[Abby's anger turned to sadness and a tear rolled down from her eye. Barney walks up to Abby and kneels down to her and gently comfort her.]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Marcella''': Okay, all aboard the log.
:'''Abby''': Okay!
:'''Barney''': Okay!
:'''Abby''': Make believe. Make believe.
:'''Marcella''': Flying with the wind I'm our hair.
:'''Barney''': Oh, I think we need your help. I'd like you to pretend that we can really fly. Let's all do it together. Ready? <math>1</math>, <math>2</math>, <math>3</math>, now!
''[music playing and chorus vocalizing softly]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Barney''': But-- huh? ''Oh, no!'' Excuse me. I'm fine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hot Air Balloon Collector''': Good luck!
:'''Abby/Marcella''': Oh, no! He let it go too soon!
:'''Barney''': Come on, Cody! Get under it!
:'''Cody''': Go!
:'''Marcella''': Faster, Cody, faster! We got to get under it, Cody!
:'''Barney''': Hurry! Whoa!
:'''Abby/Marcella''': Faster! Go! Go! Go! Hurry!
:'''Barney''': Cody, you'd better watch it!
:'''Cody''': I'm gonna break the sound barrier!
:'''Barney''': That's it! Faster!
:''' Cody''': ''[screaming]''
:'''Barney''': Faster!
:'''Abby/Marcella''': Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Come on, Cody!
:'''Barney''': Okay, Get ready now! We're almost there, keep going! Okay, Abby. Okay, Marcella, catch it.
:'''Abby''': Go!
:'''Barney''': Come on!
:'''Abby''': Got it!
:'''Barney''': That's it!
:'''Marcella''': Yeah!
:'''Barney''': Way to go, Abby!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Barney''': Yes, I know. A lot of hay.
:'''Grandma''': What is it? Where it come from?
:'''Barney''': ''[chuckles]''
:'''BJ''': Look out, below! Yahoo!
:'''Barney''': ''[chuckles]''
:'''Marcella''': Cool!
:'''Abby/Marcella''': ''[laughs]''
:'''Barney''': ''[chuckles again]''
:'''BJ''': Hi, guys was that cool or what? Whoa!
:'''Barney''': Hi, B.J.!
:'''BJ''': Alright! Hi, Barney!
:'''Grandpa''': Whoa, hold it, let's start over again, this is all about an egg?
:'''Barney''': That's right!
:'''BJ''': Hey, where is it?
:'''Marcella''': It's right here!
:'''Cody''': It got away from us for a while but we finally found it.
:'''Grandma''': Oh, my, what's it doing?
:'''Barney''': The last ring is light up!
''[music playing and chorus vocalizing softly]''
:'''Marcella''': It's time for the dream maker to hatch.
:'''Abby''': Quick, Cody. You've gotta put the egg back... exactly where you found it.
:'''Barney''': Oh, hurry. Oh... come on!
:'''BJ''': Go, Cody!
:'''Cody''': No problem. The egg was right here. (He throws the egg and it lands on Baby Bop's blanket)
:'''Barney''': Cody!
:'''Cody''': No!
:'''Baby Bop''': Oh, look, I found my blankie.
:'''All''': Yeah!
:'''Cody''': Yes!
:'''Abby''': Yeah, hey, come on!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Baby Bop''': It's wiggling.
:''[all exclaim in astonishment]''
:'''Barney''': It's cracking.
:'''Baby Bop''': Pretty. It's everywhere.
:'''B.J.''': Hey.
:'''Abby''': It's hatching.
''[egg cracks]''
:'''Cody''': Whoa.
:'''Barney''': Oh. ''[giggles]''
:'''Cody''': Come on. Come on.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': Barney?
:'''Barney''': Yes, Cody?
:'''Cody''': I'd just like to say that... I guess I was a big duofus before and I think you're pretty cool.
:'''Barney''': Oh, thank you, Cody. I think you're pretty cool, too.
:'''Marcella''': Hey, Barney, now can we see your dream?
:'''Abby''': Hey, where's Twinken? We want to see Barney’s dream.
:'''Barney''': Twinken is gone?
:'''Baby Bop''': Where is he?
:'''B.J.''': Twinken!
'''Barney''': I don't know.
:'''Baby Bop''': Twinken?
:'''Barney''': Twinken?
:'''Baby Bop''': Here, Twinken!
:'''Barney''': Twinken!
:'''Cody''': He's got away!
:'''Barney''': Oh, oh, no!
:'''Grandma''': Where is he going?
:'''Cody''': Where's Twinken?
:'''Abby''': There is he, over the house.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Baby Bop''': Good night, everybody! Good night, Twinken!
:''[Twinken is waving goodbye before Barney and Twinken are about to transform into toy forms and Baby Bop and BJ are going to disappear]''
:'''BJ:''': We'll see you later, guys! ''[no audio]''
:'''Baby Bop''': Bye-bye!
:''[everyone is leaving while we say goodbye]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[last lines]''
:'''Grandpa''': ''[laughs]'' Barney, this is the-- ''[they realized Barney is gone]'' Where is he? Well, now they're both gone!
:'''Abby''': Well, Barney wouldn't just leave!
:'''Grandma''': No!!!
:'''Baby Fig''': ''[garbled]'' Barney.
:''[Everyone saw Twinken and Barney now back to his doll form]''
:'''Baby Fig''': ''[coos]''
==Taglines==
* Barney's First Movie Ever!
* An adventure as big as your imagination.
==Cast==
===Live Action Cast===
The Newton Family
* [[w:Trevor Morgan|Trevor Morgan]] - Cody Newton
* Diana Rice - Abby Newton
* Alan Fawcett - Dad (Mr. Newton)
* Jane Wheeler - Mom (Mrs. Newton)
* David and Edouard Larouche - Fig Newton
* [[w:Kyla Pratt|Kyla Pratt]] - Marcella Walker
The Greenfield Family
* [[w:George Hearn|George Hearn]] - Grandpa Greenfield
* [[w:Shirley Douglas|Shirley Douglas]] - Grandma Greenfield
===Voices===
* [[w:David Joyner|David Joyner]] - Barney
** Bob West
* Jeff Ayers - Baby Bop
** Julie Johnson
* Jeff Brooks - B.J.
** Patty Wirtz
==Songs==
#. Barney - The Song
#.
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Films about nighthall songs]]
[[Category:Films set on airplanes]]
[[Category:1998 films]]
[[Category:Children's films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
[[Category:British films]]
[[Category:Films about gone and off-screen]]
[[Category:Canadian films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Fantasy films]]
[[Category:Musical films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Films featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:Films based on television series]]
[[Category:Films about dinosaurs]]
[[Category:Films about friendship]]
e6gyag4q5zy7bidpd2p4c9rs32f3sly
Breaking Bad (season 5)
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/* Live Free or Die [5.01] */
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----
:'''Season''' [[Breaking Bad (season 1)|1]] [[Breaking Bad (season 2)|2]] [[Breaking Bad (season 3)|3]] [[Breaking Bad (season 4)|4]] [[Breaking Bad (season 5)|5]] | [[Breaking Bad|'''Main''']]
----
[[File:Walter White al carrer d'Antoni Suárez, València (cropped).JPG|thumb|Now... ''say my name''.<br>...You're ''Heisenberg''.<br>''You're goddamn right.'']]
'''''[[w:Breaking Bad|Breaking Bad]]''''' (2008–2013) was a critically acclaimed American [[w:AMC (TV channel)|AMC]] drama about a 50-year-old high school [[chemistry]] teacher, Walter White, (played by [[w:Bryan Cranston|Bryan Cranston]]) who discovers that he has terminal lung cancer. Walter decides to use his extensive knowledge of chemistry to enter the drug trade and produce [[w:crystal methamphetamine|crystal methamphetamine]], using the profits to provide for his family after his death. The term to "break bad" is American Southeast slang meaning to turn against one's previously lawful lifestyle for one of criminal acts, usually at the cost of someone else's life or well-being.
=== ''[[w:Live Free or Die (Breaking Bad)|Live Free or Die]]'' [5.01] ===
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': You going to show...I don't know...some kind of mild relief that I'm alive?
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': I am relieved Walt. And scared.
:'''Walter''': Scared? Scared of what?
:'''Skyler''': You.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Mike learns that the police have Gus’ laptop in their possession. He starts breaking apart his cell phone after hanging up.]''
:'''[[w:Mike Ehrmantraut|Mike]]''': Oh, yeah. We're boned. Well... You know how they say, "It's been a pleasure"? It hasn't.
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Are you gonna tell us about the laptop? Where are you goin'?
:'''Mike''': I'm getting the hell outta dodge, kid. And so should you. It's just a matter of time.
:'''Walter''': Mike, where is the laptop?
:'''Mike''': What the hell difference does it make? They got it, end of story.
:''[Walter looks at Mike]''
:'''Mike''': ''[scoffs]'' APD Northwest Area Command on Second. They tagged it, they filed it. It's in the system, and they locked it in their evidence room.
:'''Walter''': Alright. Alright, so describe the building.
:'''Mike''': ''[chuckles]'' Describe it? How about how you describe [[w:Fort Knox|Fort Knox]]? And what are you going to do? Are you going to put on your black leotard and go dangling on the clothesline? It's a building full of cops, what else do you need to know? And why in the hell am I talking to you? ''[turns to leave]''
:'''Jesse''': Mike, we gotta do something.
:'''Mike''': I ''am'' doing something!
:'''Jesse''': He's good with this stuff, okay? Just give him a chance.
:'''Mike''': Hey look, that laptop might as well be on the Moon. They build these evidence rooms like bank vaults, because guess what? Lunatics like you want to break into 'em. But unlike a bank vault, this is a place that is guarded twenty-four hours a day by the police. There's no way you're getting it out of there.
:'''Walter''': Who said that we have to get it out of there? We just need to destroy what's on it.
:'''Mike''': Oh, so now you want to blow up a police station?
:'''Walter''': I don't believe I said that, no.
:'''Mike''': Nursing home full of old folks just whet your appetite, now you want to kill a bunch of cops?
:'''Walter''': I never said anything about killing anybody. I am, however, considering the possibility of a device.
:'''Mike''': A device?
:'''Walter''': Yes, a small device. Say this device gets filed into evidence, now it is inside that room.
:'''Jesse''': What about a magnet?
:'''Mike''': You want to commit a whole other crime just to get this bomb of yours into evidence?
:'''Walter''': Bo–Who said bomb? I said a device...
:'''Jesse''': Yo, what about like a magnet?
:'''Walter''': ...an incendiary device. One quick fire is all it would take.
:'''Mike''': You don't think they have fire suppression? I'm not talking about sprinklers, I'm talking about halon, because halon doesn't destroy evidence.
:'''Jesse''': A magnet though, maybe–
:'''Walter''': Right, so a bomb then. Maybe we plant a bomb outside.
:'''Mike''': Oh, actually I knew a crew out of Fort Worth that tried to blow up an evidence room from outside. 'Bout all they did was take out a couple of hedges. You are probably talking about two feet of reinforced concrete.
:'''Walter''': Right, then we—
:'''Jesse''': ''Or'', what about a magnet?
:'''Walter''': ''What'' magnet? What about it?
:'''Jesse''': You know, it's just like... ''[imitates the laptop impacting on a wall]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Walter, Jesse, and Mike drive away from the APD outpost after using an industrial magnet to wreck an evidence room.]''
:'''Jesse''': ''Yeah! Bitch!''
:'''Mike''': Shut up!
:'''Jesse''': Oh! Yeah!
:'''Mike''': What exactly are you celebrating? You left the truck behind!
:'''Walter''': So what?
:'''Mike''': "So what?" So what if they find prints? What if they trace it back to the wrecking yard?
:'''Walter''': They won't. There's no prints. I made sure of that. There's no paperwork on the truck, the magnet, or the batteries. Untraceable salvage, all of it. I made sure of that, too.
:'''Mike''': Well, you got all the answers. So you tell me, answer man: Did all that even work just now?
:'''Walter''': Yes. It worked.
:'''Mike''': I'm supposed to take that on faith, yeah? Why? How do we know?
:'''Walter''': Because I say so.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': Alright, so first off, I'm not a marriage counselor. Nor do I take sides in this thing. And not taking sides, mind you, but you did put her in charge of your money. Which I advised against, if you'll recall. All of which is not to be construed as an "I told you so." I'm just walking you through my mental process, so to speak. ''[pause; Walter sits silently]'' So she comes to me with a problem, that she's been cooking Beneke's books. [[w:Bug (Breaking Bad)|He's in dutch with the IRS]], and once they audit, it's ''rio de caca'' for the both of them. To which I say, "Hey, let's involve Walt in this discussion." To which she says no, says cut Beneke a check so he can pay off the IRS. Again, not taking sides, but she really was trying to protect you. ''[beat]'' A little feedback here might be nice.
:'''Walter''': "Let's involve Walt in this discussion."
:'''Saul''': Yeah, that's what I told her. She said no.
:'''Walter''': And you didn't argue the point? You didn't think to contact me?
:'''Saul''': ''[scoffs]'' You were a tad preoccupied at the time, if you will recall.
:'''Walter''': Okay. So you took it upon yourself to give away $622,000 of my money to a man who had been sleeping with my wife.
:'''Saul''': She's my client, same as you. Does this arrangement get a little tricky at times? Absolutely. But I try my best, you know–ethically, mind you–my duty is your—
:'''Walter''': "Ethically?" I'm sorry, I must be hearing things. Did you actually just use the word "ethically" in a sentence? You're not [[w:Clarence Darrow|Clarence Darrow]], Saul. You're a two-bit, bus-bench lawyer. And you work for me.
:'''Saul''': Yeah, well Clarence Darrow never had a client like you ask him for something... ''[retrieves the ricin cigarette, in a plastic bag, from his desk]'' ...like this, okay? I put my ass on the line for you. Huell too, huh? He's got fingers like hot dogs. He coulda easily bust this in two and killed everyone in the office. But do I complain? No. Beg, borrow, or steal, I am your [[w:Huckleberry Finn|Huckleberry]]. I go the extra mile. Only you never told me that kid would wind up in the hospital! You know, take that thing and get the hell out of here. You and me, we're done.
:''[Walter rises from his seat and menacingly advances on Saul]''
:'''Saul''': What are you–Hey. Hey...
:''[Walter corners Saul and leans into his face]''
:'''Walter''': We're done when I say we're done.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Walter''': ''[to Skyler]'' I forgive you.
=== ''[[w:Madrigal (Breaking Bad)|Madrigal]]'' [5.02] ===
:'''[[w:Mike Ehrmantraut|Mike]]''': ''[regarding Walt's new business proposal]'' Thanks, but no thanks.
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': ''[beat]'' Mike, I know you don't care for me. We've had our issues, you and I. But, I would suggest that you leave emotion out of this decision.
:'''Mike''': I am. You... are trouble. ''[leans forward]'' I'm sorry the kid doesn't see it, but I sure as hell do. You are a time bomb, tick-tick-ticking. And I have no intention of being around for the boom.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Merkert''': So Hector Salamanca killed Fring. Then who gave Salamanca the bomb?
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': A whole lot of questions. Not much in the way of answers. Yet.
:'''Gomez''': The APD did find some of Fring's financials. That just might lead to something.
:'''Merkert''': I had him out to my house. Fourth of July, cooked out in the backyard. My son shucked the corn, my daughter cut up potatoes. Fring brought sea bass. Every time I grill it now, I make a little foil pouch, just like he showed me. That whole night, we were laughing, telling stories, drinking wine. And he's somebody else completely...
:''[An expression of realization dawns on Hank's face]''
:'''Merkert''': ...Right in front of me. Right under my nose.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Mike is brought to an interrogation room to be questioned by Hank]''
:'''Hank:''' Thanks for coming down. Have a seat, Mr. Ehrmantraut. ''[Mike takes a seat]'' Am I saying that right?
:'''Mike:''' Close enough.
:'''Gomez:''' So once more, you're waiving your right to have an attorney present?
:'''Mike:''' Correct.
:'''Gomez:''' Can you state that to the camera, please?
:'''Mike:''' I'm waiving my right to have an attorney present.
:'''Hank:''' Uh, okay then. We just, uh, have a few questions. You're currently employed by the Pollos Hermanos chain. Is that correct?
:'''Mike:''' Yes, I am.
:'''Hank:''' What do you do there?
:'''Mike:''' Corporate security.
:'''Hank:''' Corporate security?
:'''Mike:''' Yeah.
:'''Hank:''' What's that? Like, uh, guarding the special sauce?
:'''Mike:''' I conduct employee background checks. I oversee loss prevention.
:'''Hank:''' At a fast-food restaurant, that's a full-time job?
:'''Mike:''' We have fourteen locations. So yes, it's a full-time job.
:'''Hank:''' Yeah, well, if I were you, I'd start sending out those résumés. ''[looks at the file]'' It says here you're a private investigator? Where are you licensed?
:'''Mike:''' New Mexico, Arizona, Utah. Every state where we operate.
:'''Hank:''' Colorado? You have some restaurants there, right?
:'''Mike:''' Colorado doesn't require licensure.
:'''Hank:''' You licensed to carry a firearm?
:'''Mike:''' Concealed carry? Yes, I am.
:'''Hank:''' Which states?
:'''Mike:''' It'd be quicker to mention the states in which I'm ''not''.
:'''Hank:''' And if we pulled your CCPs, everything would be in order?
:'''Mike:''' Well, I'm guessing you've already done that, so you tell me.
:'''Hank:''' ''[points a finger at Mike]'' You strike me as a former cop. Am I right? Where at?
:'''Mike:''' Philadelphia.
:'''Hank:''' Philly! ''[in mock astonishment]'' The City of Brotherly Love. Turns out we, uh, we know some folks there and they told us that [[w:Five-O (Better Call Saul)|your tenure as a police officer ended somewhat, uh... dramatically]]? You wanna talk about that?
:'''Mike:''' Not particularly.
:'''Hank:''' Yeah, me neither. See, I'm more interested in why Gus Fring decided to put a guy like you in charge of his corporate security. I mean, given your history, doing background checks on pimple-faced fry cooks seems like overkill. What else did you do for Fring? He must have needed help running that drug empire of his, no?
:'''Mike:''' ''[feigns ignorance]'' Drug empire? First I'm hearing about that. I don't know anything about that.
:'''Gomez:''' Hey, man. We have a guy that could put you in that underground lab and he'll testify to it. So from here on out, this can go hard or easy. So what's it gonna be?
:'''Mike:''' ''[leans forward and puts his hands on the table]'' Forget your handcuffs? I'm confused. Am I under arrest here, or am I not? ''[retracts his hands]'' You wanna state that for the camera?
:'''Hank:''' You are not under arrest, ''currently''.
:'''Mike:''' Agents, do you have any more questions for me? Because you've got me very stirred up with all these false accusations. If I'm not under arrest, I'd prefer to leave. ''[gets up and starts to walk towards the door]''
:'''Hank:''' Oh, well, I don't suppose we could talk about the $2 million in your granddaughter's name?
:''[Mike stops in his tracks and stares at Hank]''
:'''Hank:''' Yeah. It seems that, uh, Fring had all these secret offshore accounts that he would deposit money into. Like, uh, well, an even dozen of them. And they're all in the names of certain people on his payroll. There was the, uh, the manager of the laundry, ''umm'', a couple guys from the Pollos distribution center. Uh, there was the owner of a chemical warehouse, a bunch of others, you know. Guys that must've been getting paid off the books. Anyway, one of the names...was '''''Kaylee Ehrmantraut'''''. Ten years old and just cute as a button. Yeah. $2 million and change we found on deposit for her. Way more than anybody else. Now, my partner here? He took one look at that and said, "Shit, man! This fifth-grade girl is the muscle behind Fring's entire operation!" I said, "Whoa, whoa, hey, partner, slow down there. Maybe it was ''actually'' her dear old granddaddy." Impressive, no? That...''[clicks his tongue]'' level of insight?
:''[Mike stares at Hank and Gomez as he absorbs the realization that his funds have been seized]''
:'''Hank''': He's not impressed, Gomie.
:'''Gomez:''' Perhaps he's picturing all that money going bye-bye.
:'''Hank:''' Yeah, well, I mean, the government's gonna take every last dollar, unless... Well here's the thing, Mike–Or Michael?
:'''Mike:''' Mr. Ehrmantraut.
:'''Hank:''' Here's the thing, Mike: Lucky for ''you'', you didn't touch that money. I cannot say the same for the other eleven on the list.
:'''Gomez:''' One of your guys is gonna roll on you, and then we'll definitely remember the handcuffs.
:'''Hank:''' Now, before that day comes, you can... do yourself a solid. You can tell us what you know. You can tell us who's still out there, and if we like your story, good things can happen.
:'''Gomez:''' Kaylee might be able to keep some of that money.
:'''Hank:''' Maybe. So what do you say?
:'''Mike:''' I don't know anything about any money. I don't know what you're talking about.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Walter''': ''[to Saul]'' There is gold in the streets just waiting for someone to come and scoop it up.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Walter''': Well, you missed a good meal. The lasagna came out very well, if I do say so myself. I wrapped some up if you'd like some later. ''[pause]'' You know, it gets easier. I promise you that it does. What you're feeling right now. About Ted, everything. It'll pass. So what we do, we do for good reasons. And we've got nothing to worry about. And there's no better reason than family.
=== ''[[w:Hazard Pay|Hazard Pay]]'' [5.03] ===
[[File:Robert Ford shooting Jesse James.jpg|thumb| Just because you shot [[w:Jesse James|Jesse James]], don't make you Jesse James.]]
:''[Walter, Jesse, and Saul argue in Saul's law office.]''
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': So you bring him ''here''? Come on! The three of us? We're the Three Amigos! All for one, one for all! We don't need a Fourth Amigo!
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': Saul, Mike knows the business. He knows distributors.
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Mike's okay.
:'''Saul''': He's okay? He said he was going to break my legs. And don't tell me he didn't mean it, okay? 'Cause he gave me the dead mackerel eyes. He meant it.
:'''Walter''': Saul, Mike threatened me. He threatened Jesse. He probably threatened someone before breakfast this morning. It's what he does. C'mon. Grow a pair.
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:'''Saul''': Ira and his guys are good. I mean, they know how to keep their mouth shut. And if you ''buy'' them, they're gonna stay bought, you can check into them yourself, if you like.
:'''[[w:Mike Ehrmantraut|Mike]]''': I will, if it comes to that. So... do we take a vote?
:'''Walter''': Why?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Marie Schrader|Marie]]''': We have another big event coming up. Have you thought about what you're going to do? ''[pause]'' Walt's birthday.
:''[Skyler becomes visibly on-edge at the mention of Walt]''
:'''Marie''': Whatever you need, I'm here.
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': Yeah. I–I–I don't think we're going to be doing anything this year.
:'''Marie''': What are you talking about? Of-of course we're going to do something. Skyler, he was diagnosed around his birthday, right? So it's been a whole year. Listen, I've had my problems with Walt — why he wouldn't come out of the house when we were all practically begging–whatever, water under the bridge...
:''[Skyler looks through her purse. She retrieves a pack of cigarettes]''
:'''Marie''': ...But at this point, every year is precious. We—What are you doing?
:'''Skyler''': I...
:'''Marie''': You don't smoke. You haven't smoked since college. You can't be serious! With the baby? ''And Walt?''
:''[Skyler finally lights the cigarette, having a smoke]''
:'''Marie''': Skyler, you're not smoking around the baby, are you? And you can't smoke here! There's got to be some rule or regulation, I'm sure! You can't force your employees to breathe secondhand smoke! I know for a fact that that is illegal—
:'''Skyler''': ''Marie, shut up.''
:'''Marie''': What? I'm sorry, but please don't speak to me like that. I am simply saying that—
:'''Skyler''': ''Will you shut up?!''
:'''Marie''': Hey!
:'''Skyler''': ''Shut the hell up!'' Shut up! Shut up!
:'''Marie''': Skyler—
:'''Skyler''': ''Shut up! Shut up!''
:'''Marie''': Please stop, I—
:'''Skyler''': ''Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!''
:'''Marie''': Hey!
:'''Skyler''': ''SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!''
:''[Skyler breaks down crying]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mike''': Okay. For you and you and me, $367,000 each.
:'''Walter''': Whoa, wait a minute. After the dealers got their cut, we should be looking at $1,379,560. Mike, you're short. You're almost $300,000 short.
:'''Mike''': You're forgetting about the mules. They get a fly of twenty percent.
:'''Walter''': What?
:'''Jesse''': The drivers. They're the ones that take the product from us and the dealers.
:'''Walter''': And so transportation is worth twenty percent?
:'''Mike''': They're taking a risk.
:'''Walter''': $275,000 worth a risk? ''[scoffs]'' What did Gus pay his mules?
:'''Mike''': Gustavo Fring didn't use mules. He didn't need 'em. He spent twenty years building his own distribution. He had sixteen refrigerator trucks running his product. And you know where they are now? Government impound. You don't like paying twenty percent, maybe you shouldn't have killed the guy.
:'''Jesse''': Hey, hey, hey. We still have our million bucks here, alright? That's for one cook.
:'''Mike''': ''[to Walter]'' Since you're puttin' on the green eye shade, my supplier and I came to an agreement: The methylamine is free this time. But brace yourself, because the next barrel is gonna cost big. ''[Walter says nothing]'' Can we continue, or you got any more burning questions?
:''[Walter flings up his arms]''
:'''Mike''': ''[to Jesse, deducting bundles of cash from the piles]'' Okay, kid. You fronted us one-hundred-and-twenty to get us going. So that's forty from him and me, 120.
:'''Walter''': Yes. Thank you, Jesse.
:'''Mike''': Okay. Now, Ira gets 110 for our piece of the business and twenty-five per cook. That is forty-five from each of us. ''[deducts more cash bundles]'' Ira's guys get ten each per cook. ''[continues deducting bundles]'' Goodman's cut, $18,000 from each.
:''[Mike deducts yet more bundles. Walter is quietly seething]''
:'''Mike''': Legacy cost. $351,000, that's $117,000 each.
:'''Walter''': "Legacy cost"?
:'''Mike''': I got nine guys. You don't know 'em, but they were part of the previous operation, and they know a lot. And right now some of 'em are in jail, and more will be soon. The feds RICO'ed their hazard pay, so we are gonna make 'em whole.
:'''Walter''': ''We'' are going to make them whole? What is this "we"? These were Gus's employees, not ours.
:'''Mike''': They might have been Gus's employees, but they're my guys.
:'''Walter''': So what are they doing to further our interests?
:'''Mike''': The cops are looking at them very closely. We don't want them furthering our interests.
:'''Walter''': So we're paying them... ''why?''
:'''Mike''': Because it's ''what you do.''
:'''Walter''': ''[indignantly]'' ''Ohhhh.'' "It's what you do!" Huh!
:'''Mike''': My guys are keeping their mouths shut. We make 'em whole, one hand washes the other. It's as simple as that.
:'''Walter''': ''Hm.'' It sounds like a simple shakedown, "simple as that." We're paying for their silence. That's blackmail.
:'''Mike''': Business is my end. ''This is business'', end of story.
:''[Mike moves to take another bundle from the pile, but Walter slams it hand on the money]''
:'''Walter''': This is ''your'' problem. It should come out of ''your'' end.
:'''Jesse''': Hey, hey. Just take it out of mine. ''[forwards his share of the cash]'' Alright? Go for it. I don't care, just take it.
:''[Walter stews, seeing he's outmatched in the argument]''
:'''Walter''': ''[to Jesse]'' No. Jesse, thank you, but no. I'll pay my share. ''[gestures at his pile to Mike]'' Go ahead.
:''[Mike resumes deducting cash bundles from Walter's share]''
:'''Mike''': Let me tell you something. This is how it's gonna be from here on out. My guys are an ongoing expenditure. So you best get yourself comfortable with it.
:''[Walter examines his remains share of money]''
:'''Walter''': $137,000. ''[scoffs]'' That's less than with Fring.
:'''Mike''': Listen, Walter. Just because you shot [[w:Jesse James|Jesse James]], don't make you Jesse James.
=== ''[[w:Fifty-One|Fifty-One]]'' [5.04] ===
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': Gus Fring is dead, and he was the threat. He was the danger.
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': I thought [[w:Cornered (Breaking Bad)|''you'' were the danger]].
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Skyler''': There's blood on my hands, too.
:'''Walter''': What blood? Beneke?
:'''Skyler''': He's in the hospital because of me...
:'''Walter''': No.
:'''Skyler''': ...because of what I did.
:'''Walter''': Skyler, you can't beat yourself up over this thing. Please. You didn't set out to hurt anybody. You made a mistake and things got out of control. But you did what you had to do to protect your family. And I'm sorry, but that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a human being.
:'''Skyler''': Stop it, Walt. Just stop. I don't need to hear any of your bullshit rationales. I'm in it now. I'm compromised. But I won't–I ''will not''–have my children living in a house where dealing drugs and hurting people and killing people is shrugged off as "shit happens!" We're back at it? Fine. But the kids stay away, and that's that.
:'''Walter''': "That's that?" That's what?
:'''Skyler''': I got them out of this house.
:'''Walter''': To a sleepover at their aunt and uncle's? They spend a day or two, Junior stays up late watching movies, and then what happens?
:'''Skyler''': We'll see.
:'''Walter''': No, I'll tell you what happens. They come home, to this house, to their parents who love them–
:'''Skyler''': No. I will not let our business endanger them.
:'''Walter''': How many times do I have to say that they are not in–
:'''Skyler''': ''I said no.'' I swear to ''God'', I won't have them back here.
:'''Walter''': ''[pause]'' What are you going to do to stop it?
:'''Skyler''': Whatever it takes. Everything in my power.
:'''Walter''': Like what? I mean specifically. What is your next move?
:'''Skyler''': My next move is, maybe I hurt myself. Make it clear we need more time. Let Hank and Marie see we're still struggling.
:'''Walter''': No, more like ''you're'' still struggling. So maybe next time, I have you committed, put you in some inpatient facility while I take care of the kids myself. Is that what you want?
:'''Skyler''': So then maybe I show up with bruises on my neck. Give myself a black eye. Say that you beat me when you found out about my lover.
:'''Walter''': I see. So you involve Ted. Ah, well, that'll be fun, bringing the police up to speed on all of ''that''. But not as much as telling your sixteen-year-old son that his father is a wife-beater. Also not a very good plan. What else you got?
:'''Skyler''': I could send Junior away to school.
:'''Walter''': Oh. Now here's the conversation: "So honey, I know you've only got one year left in high school, but I would love it so much if you would drop everything, leave all your friends behind, and go to boarding school in Arizona." Do you have any other ideas? Because I'm not hearing a solution to your problem. How are you going to save our kids from this "terrible" environment?
:'''Skyler''': I...
:'''Walter''': What are you going to do? What, are you going to run off to France? Are you going to close the curtains, change the locks? This is a joke. Come on, Skyler! You want to take me on? You want to take away my ''children? What’s the plan?''
:'''Skyler''': ''I don’t know!'' This is the best I could come up with, okay? I–I will count every minute that the kids are away from here–away from you–as a victory. But you're right. It's a bad plan. I don't have any of your ''magic'', Walt. I don't know what to do. I'm a coward. I–I can't go to the police, I can't stop laundering your money, I can't keep you out of this house, I can’t even keep you out of my bed. All I can do is wait. That's it, that's the only good option. Hold on. Bide my time. And wait.
:'''Walter''': Wait for what? What are you waiting for?
:'''Skyler''': For the cancer to come back.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Walter''': ''[to Skyler]'' See this watch? It’s a birthday present. The person who gave me this wanted me dead, too. Not that long ago, he pointed a gun right between my eyes right here and he threatened to kill me. He changed his mind about me, Skyler. And so will you.
=== ''[[w:Dead Freight|Dead Freight]]'' [5.05] ===
:'''[[w:Mike Ehrmantraut|Mike]]''': Alright, Lydia. My friends here don't know you like I do, so they are very kindly giving you one last chance. [''pulls out a notepad''] There's your script. Study it. In about 30 seconds, I'm gonna dial Agent Schrader on your line here. You're gonna pass along this information, then we'll see what we see. Now here are the rules: If you yell for help, try to give the man some kind of coded message or otherwise tip him off, I am gonna pull out my pistol and shoot you in the head. Same goes for panicking, breaking down into tears–remember how you like to do that–if it happens this time, ''I am going to pull my pistol out and I am going to shoot you in the head.'' ''[sees Lydia look at Walter and Jesse]'' Look at me, not at them. Lydia, look at me. ''[Lydia turns to Mike]'' If you make Schrader suspicious–in any way, any way at all–tell me what's gonna happen next.
:'''Lydia''': You'll pull out your gun and shoot me.
:'''Mike''': And where will I shoot you?
:'''Lydia''': In the head.
:'''Mike''': In the head, that's right. It's a pistol, not a gun. I'm expecting precision here. ''[turns to Jesse]'' We up and running?
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': ''[nervously]'' Yeah, um... computer's set.
:'''Mike''': Okay, Lydia, if you ever needed to give the performance of a lifetime, it's now. ''[sets the cell phone down]'' You're up.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Todd Alquist|Todd]]''': You mind if I ask you a question?
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': No, go ahead.
:'''Todd''': Well, I get why we want the tank for the methylamine, but why this other one for the water?
:'''Walter''': Well, Jesse, it's your idea, you want to fill him in?
:'''Jesse''': It's all about the weight, yo.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jesse''': Boosting methylamine from a train is, like, a major rap. The point is, no one other than us can ever know that this robbery went down. Nobody. You got it?
:'''Todd''': Yeah. Absolutely.
:'''Walter''': Are you sure?
:'''Todd''': Yes, sir.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Walter enters the house to find Skyler at the door of Walt Jr.'s bedroom.]''
:'''Skyler''': Flynn? Flynn, open the door. Just come out and talk to me.
:'''[[w:Walter White, Jr.|Walter Jr.]]''': ''[through door]'' I'm staying. That's all I have to say.
:'''Walter''': What's going on?
:'''Skyler''': You got what you wanted, that's what. Congratulations.
:''[Skyler retreats to the living room while Walt goes to his son's door, knocking.]''
:'''Walter''': It's me. Open up. ''[pause]'' Come on, Junior. I'm not going to ask twice.
:''[Walter Jr. opens the door.]''
:'''Walter Jr.''': What?
:'''Walter''': You know what.
:'''Walter Jr.''': Are you seriously kicking me out of my own house? Are you seriously doing that?
:'''Walter''': We're not kicking you out of anywhere, son. We love you, and this is your house as much as it is ours. But your mom and I need some time alone, and you know that. We explained that to you.
:'''Walter Jr.''': You haven't explained jack shit! You want me out? Explain to me why! Why do I have to go to Uncle Hank's? Give me the exact reason, or I'm not going anywhere!
:''[Walter Jr. tries to close the door, but Walt keeps it open.]''
:'''Walter''': This is not going to be a debate.
:'''Walter Jr.''': What's going on? Why can't anybody tell me anything? I want one good reason!
:'''Walter''': Because we're your parents and you are our child. That's reason enough. Now please, do as I ask. Now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Skyler''': I won't change my mind about you ever.
:'''Walter''': I don't accept that. You're my wife.
:'''Skyler''': I'm not your wife. I'm your hostage. But since you insist on keeping me imprisoned, I'll make you deal. I will launder your money. I'll keep your secrets. But the kids ''will'' stay at Hank and Marie's where they have a chance of being safe.
:'''Walter''': I think you've seen too many movies. ''[sighs]'' Our children are ''not'' in danger.
:'''Skyler''': Just a couple of days ago, you told me that a man held a gun to your head. You said it like it was a point of pride. There's nothing you can say that'll convince me there won't come a day that somebody will come knocking on that door looking to harm you or me or all of us. And when that day comes, the children cannot be here. You agree to that, and I will be whatever kind of partner you want me to be.
:''[Walter considers, then nods]''
=== ''[[w:Buyout (Breaking Bad)|Buyout]]'' [5.06]===
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': Have you heard of a company called Gray Matter? Well, I cofounded it in grad school with a couple of friends. Actually, I was the one who named it. And back then, it just, oh, small time. We had a couple of patents pending, but nothing Earth-shattering. Of course, we all knew the potential. Hell, we were gonna take the world by storm. And then, well, something happened between the three of us. I'm not going to go into detail, but for personal reasons I decided to leave the company. And I sold my share to my two partners. I took a buyout for $5,000. Now at the time, it was a lot of money for me. Care to guess what that company is worth now?
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Millions?
:'''Walter''': Billions. With a B. $2.16 billion as of last Friday. I look it up every week. And I sold my share, my potential, for $5,000. I sold my kids' birthright for a few months' rent.
:'''Jesse''': This isn't the same thing.
:'''Walter''': Jesse, you asked me if I was in the meth business or the money business. Neither. I'm in the ''empire'' business.
:'''Jesse''': Is a meth empire really something to be that proud of?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Walter, Skyler and Jesse are having a very awkward dinner]''
:'''Jesse''': ''Mmmm'', these are great green beans, Mrs. White. I like that you got the slivered almonds going. My mom always made 'em like that. You put lemon in there too?
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': They are from the deli at Albertsons.
:'''Jesse''': Oh... Oh, well, uh... Well–you know–good, uh, good work on your shopping then, because these are choice. I eat a lot of frozen stuff. It's usually pretty bad. I mean, the pictures are always so awesome, you know? It's like, "Hell, yeah, I'm stoked for this lasagna!" And then you nuke it, and the cheese gets all scabby on top and it's like you're eating a scab. I mean, seriously, what's that about? It's like, yo, whatever happened to truth in advertising? You know? ''[pause; Walter and Skyler do not respond]'' So, hey, uh, how's business? The car wash? Mr. White said it's going really well. Says, like, you're, uh, a great manager.
:'''Skyler''': He did, huh?
:'''Jesse''': Yeah, he says you've got it running like–like a machine. Like, well-oiled. Yeah.
:'''Skyler''': What else did he tell you about me?
:'''Jesse''': Oh, you know, just good stuff. Just really–you know–really good, good stuff. We don't really talk that much about–you know–personal things.
:'''Skyler''': ''[to Walter]'' Did you also tell him about [[w:I.F.T. (Breaking Bad)|my affair]]?
:''[Walter doesn't respond; Jesse takes a long sip from a glass of water]''
:'''Skyler''': May I please be excused? ''[leaves the table with a large glass of wine]''
:'''Walter''': You know, my kids are gone.
:'''Jesse''': Thank God.
:'''Walter''': No, I don't mean they're out for the night. They're ''gone''. They're staying at my in-laws; she made me kick my own kids out of the house. She told me... that she was ''counting'' the days until my cancer came back. My wife is waiting for me to die. This business is all I have left now. It's all I have... and you want to take it away from me.
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:''[Saul represents Mike at a DEA meeting]''
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': To what do we owe the pleasure?
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': Well, gentlemen, we're here to discuss the illegal harassment of my client.
:'''Hank''': ''[chuckles]'' This should be good.
:'''Saul''': Mr. Ehrmantraut has become the subject of a vicious, relentless and unwarranted DEA persecution.
:'''Hank''': Gomey, does uh... does that sound right to you?
:'''Gomez''': I have no idea what he's talking about.
:'''Saul''': Play it as cool as you like, Fonzie, but we all know you've been following my client day and night. The poor man can't even spend a few moments with his granddaughter without you guys quivering in the bushes, and peeping through your little binoculars. It's–Well, it's disturbing! ''[chuckles]'' And it's taken a toll on his mental and physical well-being.
:'''Hank''': ''[looks Mike over]'' Your client looks fine to me.
:'''Saul''': Well, some hurts only show on the inside. Now, you guys don't even have warrants for these tails, do you?
:'''Hank''': ''Theoretically'', these "tails" you refer to would be completely within the boundaries of the law.
:'''Gomez''': You don't need a warrant to follow somebody through a public place, theoretically.
:'''Saul''': Now, that is, uh... ''theoretically'' correct. However, I would counter that an open-ended, unrestricted surveillance like this amounts to, uh... stalking. ''[Hank laughs]'' Which ''is'' illegal. Now, I don't know what it is you find so interesting about my client, and I'm not here to judge–different strokes and all–but sadly, he's just not that into you. So, I have filed a temporary restraining order against the DEA, on behalf of Mr. Ehrmantraut.
:'''Hank''': ...Where'd you get your law degree, Goodman? The same clown college you got that suit?
:'''Saul''': You know who likes this suit? Judge Papadoumian; she thinks I'm a snappy dresser. You know what Judge Papadoumian hates? Police harassment of a senior citizen. ''[Mike leers at him]'' Sorry. Expect a visit from the sheriff, Agents. You should have your ''ex parte'' within the hour.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Mike Ehrmantraut|Mike]]''': Might as well get comfortable. This deal is going down tomorrow. It's happening and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Got it?
:'''Walter''': Uh-huh. So it's okay for you to steal my—
:'''Mike''': To insure that, you and I are going to spend the rest of the night together in this office, like it's my birthday.
:'''Walter''': Mike!
:'''Mike''': When the deal is done, you'll get your money. I guarantee that.
:'''Walter''': Mike, let me cook it! I'll double your five and you still walk!
:'''Mike''': You know, I have never seen anybody work so hard not to get $5 million.
:'''Walter''': Mike, you need to listen to me.
:'''Mike''': No. Walter, the last thing I need to do is listen to you. Now sit down.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mike''': ''[sees that the methylamine is gone]'' Where is he?
:'''Jesse''': Mike.
:'''Mike''': ''[shoving Jesse]'' Get out of my way. ''[draws a gun on Walter]'' You sit down.
:'''Jesse''': Mike, Mike, hold on! Mr. White's got an idea!
:'''Mike''': ''[holding the gun at Walter's temple]'' I am going to count to three.
:'''Jesse''': Mike, I'm serious!
:'''Mike''': One... two...
:'''Jesse''': It's a great idea! Look, you get your $5 million, we both do, and he gets his methylamine. Alright? Just hear him out!
:'''Mike''': ''[pause]'' Is that true, Walter?
:'''Walter''': Everybody wins.
=== ''[[w:Say My Name (Breaking Bad)|Say My Name]]'' [5.07] ===
[[File:SDCC 2014 - Pinkman and White (14818260795).jpg|thumb| Now you listen to me. You’ve got the greatest meth cook in Am–No, the ''two'' greatest meth cooks in America, right here. And with our skills, you’ll earn more from that 35% than you ever would on your own.]]
:'''Declan''': Looks like you’re about a thousand gallons light here, Mike. Where’s the juice?
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': The methylamine isn’t coming.
:'''Declan''': Why is that? Who the hell are you?
:'''Walter''': I’m the man who’s keeping it.
:'''Declan''': ''[to Mike]'' What the hell’s this? We had an agreement, right? We got our deal. So where’s the tank, Mike?
:'''Walter''': Mike doesn’t know where it is. Only I do. And you’re dealing with me now, not him.
:'''Declan''': Why don’t you just cut to what it is you want or what you think is going to happen here, alright? Because we’re going to get what we came for.
:'''Walter''': That thousand gallons of methylamine is worth more in my hands than it is in yours–or anyone else's even, for that matter. But I need distribution.
:'''Declan''': Distribution?
:'''Walter''': That’s right. So if you agree to give up your cook and sell my product instead, I’ll give you 35% of the take.
:'''Declan''': Thirty-five percent! Wow, are you kidding me? Thirty-five? Mike, please tell me this is a joke. Do you know how far out we had to stick our necks out to get our hands on this cash? ''[to Walter]'' And why the hell would we want you? You realize we have our own operation, right?
:'''Walter''': I know all about your operation. See, my partners here tell me that you produce a meth that’s 70% pure, if you’re lucky. What I produce, is 99.1% pure.
:'''Declan''': So?
:'''Walter''': So, it's grade-school tee-ball versus the New York Yankees. Yours is just some tepid, off-brand, generic cola. What I'm making is Classic Coke.
:'''Declan''': Alright. Okay, so, um, if we just waste ''you'' right here, right now, leave you in the desert; then there is no more research on the market, right? See how that works? There's only us.
:'''Walter''': Do you really want to live in a world without Coca-Cola?
:''[Declan laughs while Walter throws a bag of blue meth at Declan’s feet]''
:'''Walter''': My partner tells me that your crew switched to a P2P cook because of our success. You dye your meth with food coloring to make it look like mine. You already ape my product at every turn. But now, you have the opportunity to sell it yourself.
:'''Declan''': I need you to listen to me. We’re not going to give up this deal to be your errand boys, do you understand? For what? To watch a bunch of junkies get a better high?
:'''Walter''': A better high means customers pay more. A higher purity means a greater yield. That’s $130 million of profit that isn’t being pissed away by some sub-standard cook. Now you listen to me. You’ve got the greatest meth cook in Am–No, the ''two'' greatest meth cooks in America, right here. And with our skills, you’ll earn more from that 35% than you ever would on your own.
:'''Declan''': Yeah, so you say. Just wondering why we’re so lucky. Why cut us in?
:'''Walter''': Mike is retiring from our crew. So his share of the partnership is available, ''if'' you can handle his end: Distribution. And if you give him $5 million of the $15 million that you brought today. Just think of it as a finder’s fee for bringing us together. We have 40 pounds of product ready to ship. Ready to go. Are ''you'' ready?
:'''Declan''': ''[laughs]'' Who the hell are you?
:'''Walter''': You know. You all know exactly who I am. Say my name.
:'''Declan''': Do what? I don't–I don't have a damn clue who the hell you are.
:'''Walter''': Yeah, you do. I'm the cook. I'm the man who [[w:Face Off (Breaking Bad)|killed Gus Fring]].
:'''Declan''': Bullshit. Cartel got Fring.
:'''Walter''': You sure?
:''[Declan glances at Mike, who shakes his head]''
:'''Walter''': That's right. Now... ''say my name''.
:'''Declan''': ...You're ''Heisenberg''.
:'''Walter''': ''[grins]''...''You're goddamn right.''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Mr. White. Can we just take a second and talk about all this?
:'''Walter''': Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah.
:'''Jesse''': Um...
:'''Walter''': Uh, look, you know what I think we need to talk about? Doubling down.
:'''Jesse''': Doubling down?
:'''Walter''': Mm-hmm. Cooking a hundred pounds a week, not fifty. As in, starting a new lab–a lab that you'll run. A cook all of your own. Why not? You deserve it. You're every bit as good as me. Well, what do you think?
:'''Jesse''': Mr. White, uh, I think that nothing has changed for me. I just want to get my money and get out.
:'''Walter''': Jesse, this... what we do... being the best at something is a very rare thing. You don't just toss something like that away. And what? You want to squander that potential–''your'' potential? Why? To do what?
:'''Jesse''': I don't know.
:'''Walter''': Think. To do ''what'', Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': I don't know. I'll figure it out, alright?
:'''Walter''': Look at you. What have you got in your life? Nothing. Nobody. Oh wait, yes–video games and go-carts. Oh, and when you get tired of that, what then? Huh? And how soon will you start using again? Look, I know how upset you are about what happened to this boy. I am just as upset as you are.
:'''Jesse''': Are you? Really?
:'''Walter''': How can you say that to me? Jesus! I mean, I'm the one who's the father here! What, do I gonna curl up in a ball in tears in front of you? Do I have to lock myself in a room and get high to prove it to you?! What happened to that boy was a tragedy and it tears me up inside! But because it happened, what, am I supposed to just lie down and die with him? It's done! It makes me sick that it happened, just like everyone else who has died in our wake. What Todd did... ''you'' and I have done things that are just as bad.
:'''Jesse''': Yeah.
:'''Walter''': All the people that we've killed: [[w:Full Measure (Breaking Bad)|Gale]]... and the rest. If you believe that there's a Hell–I don't know if you're into that–but we're already pretty much going there, right? But I'm not gonna lie down until I get there.
:'''Jesse''': What, just because I don't want to cook meth any more, I'm lying down? How many more people are gonna die 'cause of us?
:'''Walter''': No one. None. Now that we're in control, no one else gets hurt.
:'''Jesse''': You keep saying that and it's ''bullshit'' every time! Always! You know what? I'm done, okay? You just give me my money and you and I... we're done.
:'''Walter''': ''[fiddles with his apron]'' Hm... Okay. Mmm. Why? ''Why'' do you want this money?
:'''Jesse''': Because it's mine? It's my cut?
:'''Walter''': But isn't it filthy blood money? I mean, you're so pure; you have such emotional depth. No, no, no, no, no, you shouldn't touch that dirty money. I'll save you from that, Jesse. Come on. ''You want it'', you want it just as much as '''I''' want it, and it's not wrong to want it. Okay? So stay, and work with me, and you can make ten times–''twenty times''–as much.
:'''Jesse''': ...Whatever, man. You don't wanna pay me? I don't care.
:'''Walter''': Yes, you do.
:'''Jesse''': It's on you, alright? ''[starts walking out]'' I'm done.
:'''Walter''': No, you're not. You're not done. You're not ''leaving'', because if you leave ''you get nothing!'' ''[Jesse shuts the door behind him]'' '''Do you understand me?! Nothing!''' '''''JESSE!'''''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mike''': Hello, Walter.
:'''Walter''': Before I hand this over, I need something from you.
:'''Mike''': And what's that?
:'''Walter''': The names of your nine men.
:'''Mike''': ''[scoffs]'' Why? You're never gonna pay 'em off. What's the point?
:'''Walter''': The point is, Mike, it affects me. It affects Jesse too, and we deserve to know.
:'''Mike''': The only thing left to do now is leave town, you understand?
:'''Walter''': "Leave town." Wow. Yeah, I just can't up and leave like you, Mike. I've got a family. I got people who depend on me.
:'''Mike''': Yeah.
:''[Mike walks up to Walter and takes the satchel of money]''
:'''Mike''': Goodbye, Walter. ''[begins to walk away]''
:'''Walter''': You're welcome!
:''[Mike turns around and approaches Walter again]''
:'''Mike''': I'm sorry, what?
:'''Walter''': I want those names, Mike. You owe me that much.
:'''Mike''': I don't owe you a damn thing. All of this–falling apart like this–is on you!
:'''Walter''': Wow. ''Wow.'' Oh, that's some kind of logic right there, Mike. You screw up, get yourself followed by the DEA and now suddenly this is all ''my'' fault? Why don't you walk me through this, Mike?
:'''Mike''': We had a good thing, you stupid son of a bitch! We had Fring, we had a lab, we had everything we needed, and it all ran like clockwork...
:'''Walter''': Oh, my God...
:'''Mike''': You could have shut your mouth, cooked, and made as much money as you ever needed! It was perfect! ''But no!'' You just had to blow it up! ''You'', and your pride and your ego! You just had to be the man! If you'd done your job, known your place, we’d all be fine right now!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Walter''': I just... I just realized that Lydia has the names. I can get 'em from her. I'm sorry, Mike. This... this whole thing could have been avoided—
:'''Mike''': Shut the fuck up... and let me die in peace.
:''[After a few moments, Mike falls off the log and dies]''
=== ''[[w:Gliding Over All|Gliding Over All]]'' [5.08] ===
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': So what's the story? Did you get to Mike?
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': ''Mm-hmm''.
:'''Jesse''': He get out safe?
:'''Walter''': He's gone.
:'''Jesse''': Alright. So what about those nine guys? They got no reason not to talk now. So what do we do?
:'''Walter''': "We?" Who's we? There is no we anymore. I'm the only vote left. And I'll handle it.
:''[Jesse walks out, then turns to look back. Walter shuts the garage door]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Walter''': So?
:'''Lydia''': Maybe we should order something. Do you want a coffee or something?
:'''Walter''': Not just now.
:'''Lydia''': I think this will play better if you order something.
:'''Walter''': I think this will play just fine. I'm not thirsty. So let's take a look at the list. ''[pause]'' Lydia, I've come all this way. You do have the list?
:'''Lydia''': Yes, I have it.
:'''Walter''': Good.
:'''Lydia''': It's just not written down.
:'''Walter''': And why is that?
:'''Lydia''': It's in my head. Safer there.
:'''Walter''': I see. Then I suggest you pick up a pen.
:'''Lydia''': Not just yet.
:'''Walter''': It was my understanding that attending to these nine names was precisely what you wanted.
:'''Lydia''': Ten names now. Ten. Counting the lawyer.
:'''Walter''': Yes, ten, counting the lawyer. So... what? Am I not tying up loose ends for our mutual benefit?
:'''Lydia''': You are tying up loose ends, and I don't want to be one of them. Once I give you that list, I've served my purpose, and then maybe I'm just one more person who knows too much.
:'''Walter''': So you put that list in my hands, and in your mind, I immediately just murder you? Just right here, in this restaurant...
:'''Lydia''': No. Not right here, of course.
:'''Walter''': ...Right here in this public place, immediately?
:'''Lydia''': It's not what I—
:'''Walter''': Listen, Lydia. You made me promise on my children's lives that I guarantee your safety.
:'''Lydia''': From Mike. You guaranteed that I'd be safe from Mike. There's no way he'd ever go for this, you getting rid of his guys. You wouldn't be doing this–the names–if Mike were still a factor.
:''[Walter stares at Lydia knowingly]''
:'''Lydia''': Yeah. That's what I thought.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': Been thinking about this summer job I used to have.
:'''Walter''': Oh, yeah?
:'''Hank''': Back in college, I'd spend my days... marking trees in the woods with those orange spray cans.
:'''Walter''': Marking trees?
:'''Hank''': Yeah, crews would come in later and find the trees I tagged and cut 'em down. First you go in and you mark locations for your skid trails and landings. Then you choose specific trees all within a selected grid. Every day, I'd go back hiking, pick up where I'd left off.
:'''Walter''': Huh... Sounds nice, being out in the woods all day.
:'''Hank''': Ehhh, it wasn't so great. I'd get sunburned... there were mosquitoes. Just wanted to make a few bucks. Buy beer. I've been thinking about that job more and more lately. Maybe I should've enjoyed it more. Tagging trees is a lot better than chasing monsters.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Inside a storage unit, Skyler uncovers a large, fairly neat pile of money]''
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': This is it. This is what you've been working for. I rented this place and I started bringing it here, because... I didn't know what else to do. I gave up counting it. I mean, I had to. It was just so much, so fast. I... I tried weighing it. I figured one bill of any denomination weighs a gram. There are 454 grams to a pound, but... there's a variety of denominations. So...
:'''Walter''': How much is this?
:'''Skyler''': I have no earthly idea. I truly don't. I just stack it up, keep it dry, spray it for silverfish. There is more money here than we could spend in ten lifetimes. I certainly can't launder it, not with a hundred car washes. Walt... I want my kids back. I want my life back. Please tell me... how much is enough? How big does this pile have to be?
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hank is sitting on the toilet, reading Walt's copy of "Leaves of Grass" by Walt Whitman, when he notices a handwritten message:''
::''"To my other favorite W.W.''
::''It's an honour working with you.''
::''Fondly G.B."]''
:''[Hank flashes back to a conversation in "[[Breaking_Bad#Bullet_Points_.5B4.4.5D|Bullet Points]]"]''
:'''Hank''': "To W.W. My star, my perfect silence." W.W. I mean, who do you figure that is, y'know? Woodrow Wilson? Willy Wonka? ''[beat]'' Walter White?
:'''Walter''': Heh. You got me.
:''[Hank looks up in shocked realization]''
=== ''[[w:Blood Money (Breaking Bad)|Blood Money]]'' [5.09] ===
:'''Badger''': Dude, you are tripping! I'm not dead! I'm on the Starship Enterprise macking on Yeoman Rand while the Andorian with the disrupter's back on Talos IV or whatever.
:'''Skinny Pete''': What do you think all those sparkles and shit are? Transporters are breaking you apart right down to your molecules and bones. They're makin' a copy. That dude who comes out on the other side? He's not you. He's a color Xerox.
:'''Badger''': So you're telling me every time Kirk went into the transport he was killing himself? So over the whole series, there was, like, 147 Kirks?
:'''Skinny Pete''': At least! Dude, yo, why do you think McCoy never likes to beam nowhere?! 'Cause he's a doctor, bitch! Look it up, it's science!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Badger''': Ever tell you about my ''Star Trek'' script?
:'''Skinny Pete''': ''Star Trek'' script?
:'''Badger''': Yeah! I gotta write it down is all. The ''Enterprise'' is five parsecs out of Rigel XII. Nothing's going on, Neutral Zone is quiet, the crew is bored, so they put on a pie-eating contest. The whole crew's in the galley. They're eating tulaberry pies–
:'''Skinny Pete''': Tulaberry?
:'''Badger''': Tulaberries. From Gamma Quadrant, yo.
:'''Skinny Pete''': That's ''[[w:Star Trek: Voyager|Voyager]]'', dude!
:'''Badger''': Okay, blueberries, then! They're eating ''blueberry'' pies...
:'''Skinny Pete''': Better.
:'''Badger''': ...as fast as the replicator can churn 'em out. ''[imitates replicator noise]'' ''Burdalurdalurp-pssst! Burdalurdalurp-pssst!'' Finally, it's down to just three: Kirk, Spock, and Chekov. Okay, Spock always wins these things.
:'''Skinny Pete''': How is Spock gonna beat Kirk, yo? Spock's like a toothbrush! Look at Kirk! He's got room to spare!
:'''Badger''': Spock has total Vulcan control over his digestion! You wanna hear this or not?
:'''Skinny Pete''': Yeah, yeah, go.
:'''Badger''': Okay, finally–Kirk, he can't take it anymore. He yorks. Now it's just down to Chekov and Spock. But Chekov, y'see, he's got a whole fat stack of quatloos riding on this. And he has figured out a way to win. He's got Scotty back in the transporter room locked in on Chekov's stomach. Every time Chekov eats a pie, Scotty beams it right out of him.
:'''Skinny Pete''': Where is he sending them, the toilet?
:'''Badger''': ''Space''.
:'''Skinny Pete''': ''Uugghh!''
:'''Badger''': There's blueberries just floating out there frozen–because it's in space–and Chekov is just shoveling them into his mouth, and–and Spock is like, "I can't believe this Russian is defeating me!" Meanwhile, Scotty's in the transporter room fiddling with levers when Lieutenant Uhura comes in and she's got, y'know, her big pointies, and Scotty's fingers are all sweaty.
:'''Skinny Pete''': ''No!''
:'''Badger''': Chekov screams, he sprays blood out of his mouth...
:'''Skinny Pete''': ''Ohhhh!''
:'''Badger''': ...''Scotty beamed his guts into space!''
:'''Skinny Pete''': ''No way!''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': So, uh, how is the maestro? Things have been quiet on this end.
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Haven't seen him.
:'''Saul''': Just as well. Probably. That whole thing in the jails, y'know... ''[[w:Plan and Execution|When they start to whack the lawyers]]'', that's when I draw the line.
:'''Jesse''': ''[pointing to bags of money]'' ''This''... goes to Kaylee Ehrmantraut and that goes to Mr. and Mrs. Albert Sharp. 315 East Pueblo. It's up in White Horse. It's two and a half million each, total of five.
:'''Saul''': ...Uh, Mr. and Mrs. ah, who?
:'''Jesse''': Drew Sharp's parents.
:'''Saul''': Drew Sharp. That's the kid on TV, the missing...? Why would you–Scratch that. Heh, I don't know and I don't wanna know. Uh, the thing is, what those folks want is to know what happened to their boy. A sack full of cash on their doorstep, that's just gonna raise more questions. Kaylee Ehrmantraut, that's Mike's granddaughter? So this is Mike's money?
:'''Jesse''': It's mine.
:'''Saul''': It's your money? Okay, and you're giving it to Kaylee Ehrmantraut?
:'''Jesse''': It's what Mike wanted.
:'''Saul''': So you and Mike, uh... you've been in touch? ''[Jesse shakes his head]'' So we're just talking about charity? Yeah? Okay, look, you know, um, shelling out money to the ex and her little boy, I kind of get it–I mean, ''kind of''–but this, this is a bridge too far. I'm sorry to say, kid, but you're still gonna be two miracles short of sainthood. Heh.
:''[Jesse looks despondent]''
:'''Saul''': Brass tacks, okay? My job is to advise and my advice is: Come on, already. Mike left one step ahead of the boys in blue. You better believe his family's on the radar. A couple million bucks shows up, they're gonna snatch it ''tout suite!'' The feds have already taken Kaylee's money twice! What, are you going for a hat trick?!
:'''Jesse''': I'll freaking do it myself, Saul.
:'''Saul''': No, no, no, no! I was just–I was thinking out loud!
:'''Jesse''': Enough bullshit, Saul! Are you going to do this or not?
:'''Saul''': Yes, yes, absolutely! I live to serve!
:''[Jesse starts leaving Saul's office]''
:'''Saul''': Hey, kid, you might wanna think about cleaning up a little, getting some rest. You've looked better.
:'''Jesse''': Just get it done.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': Deja vu, huh? Jesus... alright, look. ''[tosses money bags on table]'' You wanna talk me through this? What you were thinking? What you asked Saul to do? I mean, come on... it's just nonsensical. Do you- do you have any explanation at all?
:'''Jesse''': ''[murmurs]'' Blood money.
:'''Walter''': What?
:'''Jesse''': [[w:Say My Name (Breaking Bad)|It's like you said.]] It–it's blood money.
:'''Walter''': I sa–? Jesus. Okay, yes, alright, I said that. I did... but it was in the heat of the moment. I was trying to win an argument, alright? And I was wrong. This is your money! Come on, you've earned it!
:''[Jesse stares off into the distance. Walter sits on the couch]''
:'''Walter''': Drew Sharp. That is a terrible memory, no doubt about it... but son, you need to ''stop focusing'' on the darkness behind you. The past is the past. Nothing can change what we've done. But now, that's over. You're out, and so am I. ''[Jesse gives him an incredulous look]'' That's right. I'm done. I've been out for about a month, but there is nothing left for us to do except to try to live... ordinary, decent lives. ''[takes off his glasses]'' Why Kaylee Ehrmantraut?
:'''Jesse''': She needs someone looking after her.
:'''Walter''': Mike is perfectly capable of looking after his own granddaughter.
:'''Jesse''': ...I don't think so. I don't think he is capable. I don't think he's coming back.
:'''Walter''': Wh–What are you saying?
:'''Jesse''': You doing what you did? Offing Mike's guys? If he was out there, you'd have to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, and that's not how you do things. So, I think he's dead, and... I think you ''know'' that.
:'''Walter''': I don't know that. I ''don't''. Listen to me: I did ''not'' kill Mike. The last time I saw him, he had his bag–the one that I brought him–and he got into his car, and he drove away and for all I know, he's alive and well. And if... if he does come back, and he doesn't understand why I had to do what I did... well then, that's on me. Jesse. ''I need you to believe this.'' It's not true. It's just not.
:'''Jesse''': ...So he's out there? He's okay?
:'''Walter''': Yes. Mike is fine, wherever he is. We both know that he can take care of himself, and he's certainly capable to provide for his own family. Okay? Jesse. '''''I need you to believe me.'''''
:'''Jesse''': ''[beat]'' Yeah. Like you said. He's alive.
:'''Walter''': Yeah. Mike's alive. Absolutely.
:''[Jesse looks away contemptuously]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Walter''': Well, it’s good to see you up and about.
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': Yeah.
:'''Walter''': How you feeling?
:'''Hank''': Well, you know. I’ve been better, but... I don’t know.
:'''Walter''': Have you... Did you get to see a doctor? I mean, when one of these things last more than three days, you really should get that checked.
:'''Hank''': Yeah, no, I... I did and I’m fine. I’m, uh... I’m what they say on the upswing, you know?
:'''Walter''': Um... Good, good to hear.
:'''Hank''': Yeah.
:'''Walter''': When I heard you weren’t going in to work, I... Well, looks like you have the work coming to you. Perks of being the boss, huh?
:'''Hank''': Yeah, you know. How’s, uh... How’s things at the car wash?
:'''Walter''': Good. Yeah, really good. Hey, did you have any of that potato salad?
:'''Hank''': I don’t know. Maybe. Yeah, I mean...
:'''Walter''': No one else got sick, so you probably shouldn’t worry about it. Well, Skyler will be very happy to hear that you’re felling better. Which reminds me, I better get back to it. If there’s anything I can do... ''[Hank nods]'' Feel better.
:''[Walter pats Hank’s back. Then Walter slowly walks out of the garage, stops and turns around.]''
:'''Walter''': You know. You're going to laugh, but I have to ask you... about ''this''.
:''[Walter holds up the GPS tracker to Hank's face.]''
:'''Walter''': Believe it or not, I found this on my car. I mean, it looks just like the GPS tracker that we used on Gus Fring, doesn't it? Back when we were tracking him, just the two of us. You wouldn't know anything about this, would you, Hank?
:''[Hank closes the garage door]''
:'''Walter''': You okay? I gotta say, I don't like the way you're looking at me right now.
:''[After a beat, Hank punches Walt in the face and knocks him over a pile of boxes. He slams Walt against the garage door.]''
:'''Walter''': Hank.
:'''Hank''': It was you. All along, it was ''you!'' You son of a bitch. [[w:Crawl Space (Breaking Bad)|You drove me into ''traffic'' to keep me from that laundry]].
:'''Walter''': Calm down.
:'''Hank''': [[w:Sunset (Breaking Bad)|That call I got telling me Marie was in the hospital]]? That wasn't Pinkman. You had my cell number. You killed ten witnesses to save your sorry ass.
:'''Walter''': Listen to me.
:'''Hank''': You bombed a nursing home. Heisenberg. ''Heisenberg!'' You lying, two-faced sack of shit!
:'''Walter''': Hank, look... I don't–I don't know where this is coming from Hank, but—
:'''Hank''': I swear to Christ, I will put you ''under'' the jail.
:'''Walter''': Let's take a breath, okay? Just listen to yourself. These wild accusations, they could destroy our family! And for what?
:'''Hank''': Don't you give me shit about family!
:'''Walter''': ''[beat]'' Hank, my cancer is back.
:'''Hank''': Good. Rot, you son of a bitch.
:'''Walter''': I'm sorry you feel that way. I wanna beat this thing. I do. I’m back on chemo, and I am fighting like hell. But the truth is in six months you won’t have someone to prosecute. But even–even if somehow you were able to convince anyone I was capable of doing these things, you and I both know I would never see the inside of a jail cell. I’m a dying man who runs a car wash. My right hand to God, that is all that I am. What’s the point?
:'''Hank''': Have Skyler bring the kids here, and then we’ll talk.
:'''Walter''': That is not going to happen.
:'''Hank''': I don't know who you are. I don't even know who I'm talking to.
:'''Walter''': If that's true–if you don't know who I am–then maybe your best course would be to ''tread lightly''.
=== ''[[w:Buried (Breaking Bad)|Buried]]'' [5.10] ===
:''[Hank meets with Skyler and tries to convince her to turn against Walt]''
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': Skyler, my–my head is spinning. And yours... I–I can't even imagine. So much makes sense to me now. You jumping in the pool. You sending us your kids, I get it. I just wished I'd seen it sooner. He's a monster. He's—Look, I don't know what he did to you to force you to keep his secrets. If he threatened you, or whatever mind games he played. I don't know if there was abuse. But I want you to know that you can be open with me. Don't hold anything back, okay? I mean, I don't even understand if you know the full extent of this, what he's done. Not just the meth cooking, but the lives he's destroyed. But look, that's all behind you. Starting now, you're done being his victim. Because here's what we're gonna do. Sky, here's what we're gonna do: You and the kids are gonna move back to our house where you'll be safe, where he can't get to you.
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': Hank, does Marie...
:'''Hank''': No, no, we'll get to that soon enough. It's just you and me right now, okay?
:'''Skyler''': Okay.
:'''Hank''': Before we, um, before we get you back to the house, I...
:''[Hank takes out a recording device and turns it on]''
:'''Hank''': I'm gonna ask you to tell me everything you can. Um, take as long as you like. Just, um, start from the beginning when you first became aware of Walt's activities, and just– just try to be as detailed as you can.
:'''Skyler''': Um, what? Right–Right here? Right now?
:'''Hank''': Sure, why not? While it's still fresh, you know? And just, um, just, um, remember to, um, just state your name and the date before you start.
:'''Skyler''': Hank, do... do we have to–have to do this right now?
:'''Hank''': No, we—we don't have to do this right now. No. ''[turns off the recording device]'' But just here's the thing. You see, I need something solid that I can bring to my people. A statement on the record. So you testifying to Walt's criminal activities–whatever you know–can go a long, long way here. Okay, I mean, you see, building a case this big, gathering all this evidence, enough to get a conviction–we're talking a long-haul proposition here. And I don't want that bastard running out the clock. But with your testimony—
:'''Skyler''': Wait, what do you mean "running out the clock?"
:'''Hank''': His cancer. His cancer's back. So he said. He didn't tell you? Who's to say it's even true? Lying piece of shit. Look, regardless, I mean, we'll just assume. Fine. Okay? You know what? That son of a bitch looks me in the eye and he says if what I know is true, if... he'll be dead before I can prove it. The balls on that son of a–I got all these little pieces. They're all part of the story, right? But they don't mean much on their own. But when you start telling me what you know, when you start filling the gaps, I'll have him in lockup before the sun goes down.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Skyler''': Hank, I... I... I think maybe... maybe I need a lawyer.
:'''Hank''': What? No, no, no, no, you don't.
:'''Skyler''': I–I think maybe I do.
:'''Hank''': Skyler, understand, I am here to help you. But to do that, I need your help. We start bringing in lawyers and they start putting up roadblocks where they don't need to be, and my ability to control the situation diminishes.
:'''Skyler''': Just for my own protection. It just, you know, it seems to make sense that I should have someone to talk to.
:'''Hank''': Skyler, I am your–your biggest advocate here, and I'm telling you, for your own good, you need to get out ahead of this thing. I mean, you start–you know–getting defensive, I–I'm not saying it's right, but I'll tell you it's a fact. The D.A. will look at you differently.
:'''Skyler''': But you don't know that.
:'''Hank''': Skyler, yes, I–I do. I've been around long enough to know. It's in your best interest to get out there and show the world you have nothing to hide. Look, no one in the world is more important to me than your sister. So believe me when I tell you that your best interest and mine are the same.
:'''Skyler''': But Hank, you telling me not to talk to a lawyer doesn't sound like that at all. It sounds like what you want... What you want is to get Walter at all costs.
:'''Hank''': Okay. Okay. Let's just slow down. Slow down. You can. You can talk to a lawyer later. But right now, what we need to do, we need to go get the kids, we need to bring them to my house where they are safe. And then we need to help each other put this animal away, okay? ''[gets up from the table]'' Come on.
:'''Skyler''': Hank—
:'''Hank''': No, come on. Let's go to the house and we'll deal with it there. Come on.
:'''Skyler''': Am I under arrest?
:'''Hank''': What?
:'''Skyler''': Am I under arrest?
:''[Hank sits back down.]''
:'''Hank''': Skyler. I–I—You're not thinking straight about this. You have to listen to me. I–Skyler...
:''[Skyler gets up from the table. Hank also gets up and grabs her arm.]''
:'''Hank''': Skyler, Skyler, Skyler—
:'''Skyler''': ''Am I under arrest?''
:'''Hank''': No. No. No.
:'''Skyler''': ''Am I under arrest?!''
:'''Hank''': No. Sky–''Shhh!''
:'''Skyler''': ''Am I under arrest?! HANK, ARE YOU ARRESTING ME?''
:'''Hank''': Sky—
:'''Skyler''': ''AM I UNDER ARREST?''
:''[Skyler violently shakes off Hank's grab and leaves the restaurant.]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Walter is at Saul Goodman's office when his cell phone rings]''
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': That's her.
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': Don't.
:'''Walter''': I have to talk to her.
:'''Saul''': You don't have to do–You answer that phone and Schrader's on the other end of the line with a legal wire tap recording everything you say, you're not doing anybody any favors, except for him. In fact, why do you still have a battery in that thing? Take it out. They might be trying to triangulate your movements. I'm not being paranoid. Do it.
:'''Walter''': ''[takes battery out of phone]'' Can't believe she went to him.
:'''Saul''': She just panicked.
:'''Walter''': She went right to him without even talking to me. Without a moment's hesitation.
:'''Saul''': I'm not saying it's not bad. It's bad. But it could be worse.
:'''Walter''': Really, how much worse could it be? Exactly, in your estimation?
:'''Saul''': What does she actually know? What has she seen, hmm? Nothing. It's hearsay. It's all he said, she said. I mean, the only real evidence that she can lead them to is the money, and once we take care of that, well... then they got nothing.
:'''Walter''': ''Nothing?'' Hank knows, that's not nothing.
:'''Saul''': Yeah. I can't exactly see him turning the other cheek. ''[pause]'' Of course, there's always, um...
:'''Walter''': Always what?
:'''Saul''': Have you given any thought to, um, sending him to a trip to Belize?
:'''Walter''': Belize?
:'''Saul''': Yeah, Belize. You know, where, um, where Mike went to. Off on a trip to, uh, Belize.
:'''Walter''': Saul, you better not be saying what I think you're saying.
:'''Saul''': It's just conjecture on my part.
:'''Walter''': Hank is ''family!''
:'''Saul''': Okay, it's an option that my—
:'''Walter''': You understand that?
:'''Saul''': It's an option that has worked very well for you in the recent past.
:'''Walter''': Jesus, what is wrong with you?!
:'''Saul''': My mistake! Family. Off limits. Of course. I'm just throwing thoughts out there. This is a safe room, right?
:'''Walter''': Jesus, "send him to Belize." I'll send ''you'' to Belize.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Skyler''': It's true. The cancer's back. Is this it?
:'''Walter''': Does that make you happy?
:'''Skyler''': I can't remember the last time I was happy.
:'''Walter''': Just tell me. I know you talked with Hank. I know you made a deal. Skyler, I'll make this easy. I'll give myself up if you promise me one thing: You keep the money. Never speak of it, never give it up. You pass it on to our children, give them everything. Will you do that? Please? Please, don't let me have done all this for nothing.
:'''Skyler''': The way Hank talks, he's got his suspicions. Not much else. You can't give yourself up without giving up the money. That's the way this works, Walt. So maybe our best move here is to stay quiet.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hank talks to Marie about his mixed feelings regarding going after Walt]''
:'''Hank''': Look, the day I go in with this, it's the last day of my career, Marie. I'm going to have to walk in there, look those people in the eye and admit that the person I've been chasing the past year is my own brother-in-law. It's over for me. Ten seconds after I tell this story, I'm a civilian. Then how can we help Skyler when she comes to her senses? When I go in there, I'm bringing proof. Not suspicion. I can be the man who caught him, at least.
=== ''[[w:Confessions (Breaking Bad)|Confessions]]'' [5.11] ===
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': Mr. Pinkman. How are you today? Not so good, huh? 'Course, uh, I might be able to help you out. I wanna talk to you about your partner, Heisenberg. See, I know he's my brother-in-law, Walt.
:''[Jesse looks at Hank, slightly surprised]''
:'''Hank''': Oh, yeah. That's the look. Lucky for you, I'm more interested in him. So I got an offer. If you help me out here, tell me all about you and him and your little meth business, maybe I talk to my friends at the APD and make all this go away. I know he's the mastermind here. Plus... I'm thinking based on your recent activities that, uh... maybe there's a little trouble in paradise? Maybe you guys aren't, uh, getting along so good? I'm right, aren't I?
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Eat me.
:'''Hank''': Sure that's how you want to play this?
:'''Jesse''': Why don't you try and beat it out of me? That's your thing, right?
:'''Hank''': He really did a number on you, didn't he? I don't know, but... happy people usually don't go around... throwing millions of dollars away. I don't think, uh, Walt's gonna be patting you on the back for that. But maybe that's the point. 'Cause, you see, I get that. My own brother-in-law, lying to me for over a year, using me. Maybe you understand that feeling. Help me out here, Jesse... and we can put him away. I know you want that. I think you wanna talk.
:'''Jesse''': Not to you.
:''[Saul enters the interrogation room, followed by two detectives.]''
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': Agent Schrader, beat any good suspects lately? ''[to the two detectives]'' Hey, tall and taller, ask him his history with my client. [[w:One Minute (Breaking Bad)|He knocked the poor kid unconscious last time they were alone together]]. So what'll it be, gentlemen, a civil rights lawsuit the size of Montana? 'Cause I'll oblige you. ''[Hank starts to leave]'' Oh, so long, Rocky. Keep your left up. Detectives, I'm inviting ''you'' to leave.
<hr width="50%" />
:''[Hank and Marie watch Walter's "confession" tape at home]''
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead–murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time–something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange, uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. ''[points to the bruise on his face left by Hank]'' I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is.
<hr width="50%" />
:''[After watching the "confession" tape]''
:'''[[w:Marie Schrader|Marie]]''': Who do you think he's shown this to?
:'''Hank''': No one. It's a threat. It's what he will do if I don't back off.
:'''Marie''': I think you should show this to Ramey. Just get ahead of it. That video is a bunch of lies, Hank. Anybody who knows you will know—
:'''Hank''': $177,000? Hell's he talking about? Marie?
:'''Marie''': [[w:Bullet Points (Breaking Bad)|They told me it was gambling money]].
:'''Hank''': What was gambling money? Oh, Jesus Christ, Marie. Oh, God, no.
:'''Marie''': How was I supposed to know? How was I supposed to know where it really came from?
:'''Hank''': Why were they paying for my medical bills? What about my insurance?
:'''Marie''': Insurance wouldn't have covered the treatment that you needed, and I... I just wanted the best for you—
:'''Hank''': Why didn't you tell me?
:'''Marie''': Because I knew that you would refuse it, and without it, you may never have been able to walk again.
:'''Hank''': Oh, Christ, Marie. You killed me here. I mean, it's the–that's the last nail. That's the last nail in the coffin.
:'''Marie''': What do we do?
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Walter''': Saul knows a man. He specializes in getting people new identities. He would move you someplace far away, set you up with a whole new life. Yeah, I know. It sounds a little extreme. But maybe it's exactly what you need. You know, I really think that would be good for you. Clean slate. My, just think about it. You get a job. Something legitimate, something you like. Meet a girl, start a family even. Hell, you're still so damn young. You know, what's here for you now, anyway? I tell you, if I could, I'd trade places. Whole lifetime ahead of you, with a chance to hit the reset button. In a few years, this might all feel like nothing more than a bad dream.
:'''Jesse''': ''[beat]'' Would you just, for once, stop working me?
:'''Walter''': What are you talking about?
:'''Jesse''': Can you just, uh, stop working me for, like, ten seconds straight? Stop jerking me around?
:'''Walter''': Jesse, I am not working you.
:'''Jesse''': Yes. Yes, you are. Alright? Just drop the whole concerned dad thing and tell me the truth. I mean, you're–you're acting like me leaving town is–is all about me and turning over a new leaf, but it's really–it's really about you. I mean, you need me gone, 'cause your dickhead brother-in-law is never gonna let up. Just say so. Just ask me for a favor. Just tell me you don't give a shit about me, and it's either this—It's either this or you'll kill me the same way you killed Mike. I mean, isn't that what this is all about? Huh? Us meeting way the hell out here? In case I say no? Come on. Just tell me you need this.
:''[Walter slowly walks up to Jesse and hugs him.]''
<hr width="50%" />
:''[Jesse breaks into Saul's office]''
:'''Saul''': He a no-show? Why didn't you call? Why didn't you... ''[Jesse punches Saul in the face]'' Stop! ''[Jesse keeps hitting him]'' Code Red! Huell! Get in here!
:''[Saul tries to reach for a gun hidden in a drawer, but Jesse grabs it first. When Huell and Francesca enter the room, Jesse points the gun at them]''
:'''Jesse''': Back off! You, stay where you are.
:'''Saul''': ''[at gun point]'' What? I don't know what happened here. What did I do?
:'''Jesse''': You stole it off of me. [[w:End Times (Breaking Bad)|You and him–you took it right out of my pocket]], didn't you?
:'''Saul''': Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down. Yes. Okay, I had Huell lift your dope. I told you I couldn't risk the guy not taking you.
:'''Jesse''': No! Before! The cigarette! You stole the cigarette.
:'''Saul''': What?
:'''Jesse''': The ricin cigarette! You had him steal it off of me! And all for that asshole Mr. White! He poisoned Brock! He poisoned Brock, and you–you helped him!
:'''Saul''': Okay, Jesse. Calm down.
:'''Jesse''': Say it again! Tell me one more time to calm down! Come on!
:'''Saul''': I'm sorry! Yes! Okay, I had Huell lift your cigarette, but Walt made me! He told me he was helping you, he was saving you. I never would've agreed to it if I'd known what he was gonna do. Jesse, you gotta believe me. I didn't want any of this!
=== ''[[w:Rabid Dog|Rabid Dog]]'' [5.12] ===
:''[Walter meets with Saul and Kuby for an update on Jesse]''
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': So? Where is he?
:'''Kuby''': Still lookin'.
:'''Walter''': Where have you looked?
:'''Kuby''': His place, his folks' place, uh... this Brock kid's place... crack shacks at Siesta Hills, the Indigo, the Crystal Palace... go-kart joint on Copper Ave... uh, AA meeting off the 40...
:'''Walter''': His buddies, Beaver and... what's his name?
:'''Kuby''': Uh, Badger and Skinny Pete. Yeah no, he's not with them.
:'''Walter''': They could be covering for him.
:'''Kuby''': ''[shakes head]'' I posed as a meter reader, I put a bug on the tall kid's mom's place; for three hours straight, all they talked about was something called ''[[w:Babylon 5 | Babylon 5]]''. I checked with my gal at APD. Uh, she said Pinkman's not in their system, so the cops don't have him.
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': ''Yet''.
:'''Walter''': Maybe he changed his mind about leaving, called your guy back.
:'''Saul''': No. Somebody misses their first chance with my guy, there's no second.
:'''Walter''': Well... keep looking. ''[starts getting out of the car]''
:'''Saul''': What then?
:'''Walter''': ...What do you mean?
:'''Saul''': I mean, Pinkman's like a bad penny. Sooner or later he's gonna turn up. I'm ''wondering'' what you wanna do when he does.
:'''Walter''': Jesse is upset about the boy. I just... need to explain to him why that had to happen.
:''[Saul and Kuby look at each other]''
:'''Saul''': Okay, but say–you know, just for the sake of argument–the kid's not in the mood for a... ''nuanced'' discussion of the virtues of child poisoning. Y'know, his plans are running more towards "stabbing you to death with a pointed stick." In ''that'' scenario, then what?
:'''Walter''': You have a suggestion?
:'''Saul''': ''[gestures to Kuby]'' We were wondering if, uh, maybe this isn't an... [[w:Old Yeller (film)|Old Yeller]]-type situation.
:'''Walter''': Old Yeller?
:'''Saul''': Yeah. Old Yeller was the best, most loyal dog there ever was. I mean, everyone loved that mutt, but one day he showed up rabid and little Timmy–for Old Yeller's own sake–had to, uh... I mean, you saw the movie.
:'''Walter''': ''[beat]'' You're full of colorful metaphors, aren't you, Saul? Belize, Old Yeller... just ''brimming'' with advice. ''[leans into Saul's ear]'' '''''Do not float that idea again.''''' ''Find him.''
<hr width="50%" />
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': So... What’s your course of action, here?
:'''Walter''': Saul’s guy, Kuby, tracks him down, which shouldn’t take long, and when he does, I’m gonna... I’m gonna talk to him. Make him see reason.
:'''Skyler''': "Talk to him. Make him see reason." So, I’m clear, those are just euphemisms... you’re using here, right?
:'''Walter''': No, what? Wh–What does that mean? My God.
:'''Skyler''': I knew this was going to happen. I ''knew'' it. I told you that someday, someone was going to come to our door and try to hurt us. And now here we are.
:'''Walter''': No. Jesse didn't go there to hurt anyone.
:'''Skyler''': He poured gasoline all over our house, Walt! He tried to set our house on fire!
:'''Walter''': He changed his mind. He didn't do it, did he?
:'''Skyler''': Walt, you need to deal with this.
:'''Walter''': How much have you had to drink?
:'''Skyler''': ''[scoffs]'' Not nearly enough.
:'''Walter''': I–I don’t know how we got off on whatever it is we’re talking about here. But clearly, I haven’t explained the situation well enough, because this is a big overreaction. We all need to just take a deep breath and calm down, because Jesse isn't just some–some–some rabid dog. This is a person.
:'''Skyler''': A person that is a threat to us. I mean, my God, where we are now with Hank and Marie, and that awful tape we made. After everything we've done, you can't just talk to this person.
:'''Walter''': You're s–saying that I just... What–What exactly are you saying?
:'''Skyler''': We've come this far. For us. What's one more?
<hr width="50%" />
:''[An enraged Jesse has broken into and is about to burn down the White residence. Hank bursts in, gun drawn.]''
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': Jesse! Stop what you're doing and turn and face me!
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': ''[sobbing]'' You wanna–You wanna know what he did? You wanna hear about it?
:'''Hank''': Jesse, put out the lighter.
:'''Jesse''': He poisoned a little kid. An eight-year-old boy. Just because, you know–just as a ''move!''
:'''Hank''': Walt's a bastard. Secret's out. We'll talk about it. But I need you to put out the lighter, okay? Look, Jesse... Jesse, I don't want to kill you. And you don't wanna be killed. So put it out.
:'''Jesse''': ''He can't keep getting away with this! '''He can't keep getting away with it!''' ''
:'''Hank''': He won't. You really wanna burn him down? Let's do it together.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''[[w:Marie Schrader|Marie]]''': ''[seeing her suitcases by the door]'' What's the story here?
:'''Hank''': Oh, uh, something's come up. I thought you might wanna get out of the house for a day or two.
:'''Marie''': You thought I might wanna pack up and move out of my own house. Why? What's going on?
:'''Hank''': Look, I don't wanna get into it now. But you know that thing with Walt? There's been a development.
:'''Marie''': What happened? Are you in danger?
:'''Hank''': No, no, no, no, not at all. ''[picks up suitcases]'' It's just a fluid situation, and I think it might go a little smoother if you're not here. It'll be great, you know? I booked you a spa package at La Posada. You can do that river stones thing.
:'''Marie''': Hank, what the hell is going on? Hank?
:'''Hank''': We have a guest.
:''[Hank opens the door, showing Marie a sleeping Jesse]''
:'''Hank''': He was a little keyed-up. Gave him a couple sleeping pills. ''[shuts the door]'' Okay, so listen. I bring that kid in and put him in the system, Walt's gonna find out five minutes later. You know, my last ten witnesses died in jail, remember? And I can't use a DEA safehouse without writing him up. I can't risk a motel. I know it sounds crazy, but this is the best place for him. For now. Just a day or two, tops.
:'''Marie''': Okay, just answer me this one question: is this bad for Walt?
:'''Hank''': Yeah. Very.
:'''Marie''': Good. I'm staying. I'll heat up lasagna. ''[hears ringtone]'' Phone's ringing.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Walter''': ''[answering the phone]'' Hello?
:'''Jesse''': Nice try, asshole.
:'''Walter''': Jesse, where are you? I just wanna talk to you.
:'''Jesse''': No. I'm not doing what you want anymore. Okay, asshole? This is just a heads-up to let you know I'm coming for you. See, I decided that burning down your house is nothing. Next time, I'm gonna get you where you really live.
=== ''[[w:To'hajiilee|To'hajiilee]]'' [5.13] ===
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': One cook... after the job is done.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Huell''': I didn't know he was gonna kill him.
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': Relax. Look, if we thought you did, you'd be in lockup for conspiracy to commit murder instead of here under our protection.
:'''Gomez''': So just tell us everything you know about White so we can get him before he gets to you.
:'''Huell''': Why would he wanna kill me? I ain't done nothin' to him.
:'''Hank''': Who knows with this guy? From what he said to Goodman, it may have something to do with him trying to tie up loose ends regarding his poisoning some kid named Brock. Or maybe it's because you know where his money is.
:'''Huell''': I don't know where his money is.
:'''Gomez''': That ain't what we heard.
:'''Huell''': Well, you ain't listened to the people in the know.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''[[w:Walter White Jr.|Walter Jr.]]''': ''[to Saul, while pointing at his bruised and bandaged face]'' What... what happened to your face?
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': Oh, this is a... guess you'd call it an occupational hazard.
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': ''[hands Saul receipt]'' Okay, so thank you. And please give that to your car wash professional.
:'''Saul''': ''[to Skyler]'' Very good. Thank you very much. ''[to Walter Jr.]'' Good to meet you. Don't drink and drive, but if you do, call me!
:'''Walter Jr.''': ''[calling after Saul as he departs, parroting a slogan of the A1A Car Wash]'' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzsXiZZgJN8 Have an A1 day!] ... Mom, you forgot to say it.
<hr width="50%" />
:''[Walt sees a photo showing a barrel with stacks of cash in it. His phone rings and he answers.]''
:'''Walter''': Jesse?
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Got my photo, bitch? That barrel look familiar? ‘Cause I just found six more exactly like it.
:'''Walter''': ''[running out of the car wash]'' Jesse...
:''[Cut to Walt driving erratically on the street]''
:'''Jesse''': That big bastard who works for Goodman–I pistol-whipped that melon he calls a head til he gives up what he knew, which led me to your rental van, which turns out had GPS. How do you like that, genius? Guess you didn’t think of everything.
:'''Walter''': Look, Jesse, I don’t know what you plan on doing here, but—
:'''Jesse''': Well, I’ll give you a hint, ''Walt''. It involves a couple of five-gallon cans of gasoline and a lighter.
:'''Walter''': ''No, no, no, no, no!'' Jesse, please, listen to me—
:'''Jesse''': No, you listen to ''me'', bitch! You get your ass out here as fast as you can.
:'''Walter''': Yes, I’m coming! Okay? ''Okay?!''
:'''Jesse''': And don’t even think about calling anyone for help, alright? You hang up on me, put me on hold, I lost my call for any reason–as soon as you do, I’m burning all of it. Alright? One big bonfire. You get the picture?
:'''Walter''': I get it, I get it! Okay!
:'''Jesse''': Alright. Well, you better hurry, ‘cause I’m burning ten grand a minute til you get here, starting right now.
:'''Walter''': I said I’m coming! ''Don't you touch my money!''
:'''Jesse''': Fire in the hole, bitch! There goes ten G's! Ahhh, nice orange flames!
:'''Walter''': No. ''No, no, no, no, NO!'' Jesse– Jesse, please. I'm dying. My cancer is back. You're not hurting anyone but my family. Okay? Look, I–I can't spend this money. It's not for me. I won't be around long enough to use it. It belongs to my children.
:'''Jesse''': Oh, you're gonna talk about kids. You're ''seriously'' gonna go there?
:'''Walter''': I am sorry about Brock.
:'''Jesse''': No, you're not!
:'''Walter''': I am!
:'''Jesse''': You're not, but you're gonna be!
:'''Walter''': Yes, I am sorry about Brock! But he's alive, isn't he?! He's fine, just as I planned it! Don't you think I knew exactly how much to give him? That I had it all measured out?! Come on! Don't you know me by now?
:'''Jesse''': I know you're a lying, evil scumbag, that's what I know. Manipulating people. Messing with their heads.
:'''Walter''': Open your eyes! Can't you see that I needed you on my side to kill Gus?! [[w:Half Measures|''I'' ran over those gangbangers]]! [[w:Pilot (Breaking Bad)|''I'' killed Emilio]] [[w:...And the Bag's in the River|and Krazy-8]]! Why? ''I did all of those things to try to save your life as much as mine, '''only you're too stupid to know it!'''''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': ''[after handcuffing Walt]'' Agent Gomez, should we flip a coin for the honors?
:'''Gomez''': No way, man. It's all yours.
:'''Hank''': Walter White, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you at the government's expense. Do you understand these rights as I have just recited them to you?
:'''Walter''': ''[to Jesse]'' Coward.
:''[Jesse spits on Walt's face]''
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Hank''': ''[over the phone]'' Hey, baby. I got him. Dead to rights.
:'''[[w:Marie Schrader|Marie]]''': You got Walt?
:'''Hank''': Yeah. I got him in handcuffs as we speak. Want me to wave to him for you? ''[waves at Walt, handcuffed in the car]'' Huh? Well, he's not, uh– he's not feeling too friendly.
:'''Marie''': Oh, my God. You did it. Thank God.
:'''Hank''': Things are gonna be a little rough for the next couple weeks, but they'll get better. Baby, you okay?
:'''Marie''': I'm much better now.
:'''Hank''': I gotta go. It may be awhile before I get home. I love you.
:'''Marie''': I love you, too.
=== ''[[w:Ozymandias (Breaking Bad)|Ozymandias]]'' [5.14] ===
:''[Jack points the gun at Hank and prepares to shoot him.]''
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': No! Jack! No! Jack! Jack! Jack! No! No! Don’t! Jack! Don’t! No!
:''[Jack signals Kenny to bring Walter out of the SUV]''
:'''Walter''': No! Jack! Jack! No! ''[walks toward Jack]'' Jack! No! Don’t kill him.
:'''Kenny''': Uh-uh, back it up.
:'''Walter''': ''[walks toward Jack]'' Don’t kill him. Don’t kill him. Jack.
:'''Kenny''': ''[pushes Walter away from Jack]'' Get back here.
:'''Jack''': The hell not? He’s DEA.
:'''Walter''': No. He’s–He’s family.
:'''Jack''': Say again?
:'''Walter''': He’s my family. He’s my brother-in-law.
:'''Jack''': Didn’t cross your mind to maybe tell us you had a DEA agent for a brother-in-law? ''[to Todd]'' Did you know about this?
:'''Walter''': I called you off, remember? I told you not to come.
:'''Jack''': Well, it seems to me we did you a solid.
:'''Walter''': You weren’t supposed to be here.
:'''Jack''': Too late now. How about you telling me what was going down out here? Hmm? Yeah, you and your brother-in-law don’t seem to be getting along too well.
:'''Walter''': It doesn’t–doesn’t matter. It doesn’t concern you.
:'''Jack''': We just wasted his partner here and he’s wearing a bullet, so yeah, I’d say it does concern me.
:'''Walter''': This is... between him and me.
:'''Jack''': No cavalry comin’?
:'''Walter''': No.
:'''[[w:Hank Schrader|Hank]]''': You bet your ass the cavalry’s comin’.
:'''Walter''': ''[to Jack]'' ''No!'' No, no. Jack, Jack! No. The DEA doesn’t know about this. Not yet. ''[to Hank]'' Hank, nothing can change what just happened, but you can walk out of here alive if you just promise us that you’ll– you’ll let this go.
:''[Hank scoffs]''
:'''Jack''': Yeah, I thought as much. Sorry, man, just no scenario where this guy lives.
:'''Walter''': No, no, no, listen! I have money! It’s buried right here. It’s here. It’s $80 million. $80 million.
:'''Jack''': So, that’s what got this party started, huh? But this money of yours won’t do me much good in prison.
:'''Walter''': You can–you can go anywhere. You can do anything. Just think about that. You can have any future that you want. Jack. ''Eighty''. ''Million''. All you’ve got to do is let him go.
:'''Kenny''': That’s a hell of an offer.
:'''Jack''': ''[to Hank]'' What do you think, Fed? Would you take that deal?
:'''Walter''': It's ''Hank''. His name is Hank.
:'''Jack''': How about it, Hank? Should I let you go?
:'''Hank''': My name is ASAC Schrader. And you can go fuck yourself.
:'''Walter''': Hank... listen to me. You gotta tell him. You gotta tell him now that we can work this out. Please. ''Please''.
:'''Hank''': What? You want me to beg? You're the smartest guy I ever met. And you're too stupid to see... he made up his mind ten minutes ago. ''[to Jack]'' Do what you're gonna do—
:''[Jack shoots Hank dead]''
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Walter''': ''[to Jesse]'' [[w:Phoenix (Breaking Bad)|I watched Jane die]]. I was there. And I watched her die. I watched her overdose and choke to death. I could have saved her. But I didn't.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Walter Jr. has just been told the truth about his father by Skyler and Marie]''
:'''[[w:Walter White Jr.|Walter Jr.]]''': You’re completely out of your mind.
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': It’s the truth.
:'''[[w:Marie Schrader|Marie]]''': It is. Flynn—
:'''Walter Jr.''': Then both of you are out of your minds. You’re full of shit, is what you are. Both of you. If–If this is true, then how could you keep this a secret? I mean, why? Why would you go along?
:'''Skyler''': I’ll be asking myself that for the rest of my life.
:'''Walter Jr.''': So you’re saying all of this time you were lying about this? I mean, so you’re saying... you’re a liar. You... you just admitted it. So were you lying then, or are you lying now? Which lie is it?
:'''Marie''': Flynn, honey, your mother is telling you the truth. Right here, right now. Believe it.
:'''Walter Jr.''': You know what? This– This is bullshit. This is bullshit. ''[stands up to try to get his phone]'' I wanna talk to dad.
:'''Marie''': Your dad’s in custody. You won’t be able to talk to him for a while, sweetie.
:'''Walter Jr.''': I'm calling Uncle Hank.
:'''Marie''': I’ve tried. He’s not answering. Probably because he is in the thick of it with your father. Honey, I know this is a lot to process, Flynn, but if you could just breathe. Just try to breathe and just trust—
:'''Walter Jr.''': Really? Really?! Try to breathe?!
:''[Walter Jr. barges out of the office]''
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Skyler''': Walt... Why are you here?
:'''Walter''': Skyler, please, will you just go get your things? For you and your kids. Right now. This is our priority.
:'''Skyler''': Hank had you in custody. He wouldn’t just let you go. Where is he?
:'''Walter''': I—
:'''Skyler''': Where is Hank?
:'''Walter''': I... I negotiated—
:'''Skyler''': Negotiated?
:'''Walter''': Um, yes.
:'''Skyler''': What does that mean?
:'''Walter''': It means... We are fine, okay? We are. We’re fine. Everything is gonna be fine. But we need to leave right now. Alright? Can we do that?
:'''Skyler''': What happened? Where is Hank? Why do we need to leave?
:'''Walter''': I need both of you to trust me. Right now, okay? Please just work with me here, and I promise I will explain everything later, okay?
:'''Skyler''': Where... is... Hank?
:'''Walter''': Skyler... ''[walks toward her]'' I have $11 million in cash right outside. We can have a fresh start. Whole new lives. All we have to do is go. We have to go right now. That’s all we have to do.
:'''Skyler''': You killed him. You killed Hank.
:'''Walter Jr.''': What?
:'''Walter''': No. No. No.
:'''Skyler''': You killed him.
:'''Walter''': No. ''No!'' ''NO!'' I tried to save him.
:'''Walter Jr.''': Uncle Hank is dead? I–Mom, it can’t be true.
:'''Walter''': Just stop, please.
:'''Walter Jr.''': It just can’t be true.
:'''Walter''': Everything–Everything is gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be fine. I promise you. But we need to leave right now.
:''[Walter goes to a bedroom to pack while Walter Jr. follows him, their dialogue is off-screen]''
:'''Walter Jr.''': Dad- Dad, what's going on? Talk to me! J–just stop for one second!
:''[Skyler walks up to a knife block, staring at it contemplatively]''
:'''Walter''': Look, I told you to get your things!
:'''Walter Jr.''': S–stop walking away!
:'''Walter''': There is no time!
:'''Walter Jr.''': Tell me about Uncle Hank! No-
:'''Walter''': Just drop it!
:'''Walter Jr.''': What–what's wrong with you?
:'''Walter''': We're going. We're going.
:''[Skyler draws a knife from the block as Walter and Walter Jr come back from the bedroom, Walt carrying two suitcases]''
:'''Walter Jr.''': You have to tell me! Dad, wait, what happened to Uncle Hank?
:''[Skyler holds Walter Jr back while wielding the knife, and Walt turns around]''
:'''Skyler''': Get out.
:'''Walter''': Skyler, I promise you, we will figure this out.
:'''Skyler''': Enough.
:'''Walter Jr.''': M–Mom, what are you doing?
:'''Walter''': ''[sets the suitcases down and walks towards Skyler]'' Skyler, put the knife down, please. I promise you that we–
:'''Skyler''': Don't say one more word. Get out of here ''now''.
:'''Walter''': Skyler... ''[takes a step towards Skyler]''
:'''Skyler''': Get '''OUT!'''
:''[Skyler slashes the side of Walter's hand with the knife. Walter looks at his cut in shock then looks up at Skyler. Walter tries to grab Skyler's knife and the two fight, pinning each other against the walls and breaking various wall hangings. Holly cries]''
:'''Walter Jr.''': Stop it! Ju–just stop! Just stop!
:'''Walter''': LET GO! LET GO!
:'''Skyler''': GET AWAY FROM US!
:'''Walter''': LET GO!
:''[Walter and Skyler tumble down, while still holding onto the knife. Walter Jr watches the fight helplessly]''
:'''Walter Jr.''': STOP, STOP, STOP! STOP IT, STOP! Mom! Stop, Dad! Stop it! Mom, stop!
:''[Walter overpowers Skyler, taking the knife from her and pinning her down. Walter raises the knife over her before Walter Jr tackles him. Walter stands up while Walter Jr and Skyler sit up and look at Walter]
:'''Walter''': '''WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WE'RE A FAMILY!'''
:''[Walter looks at his terrified wife and son, his expression changing from anger to anguish]''
:'''Walter''': ''[whisper]'' We're a family...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Skyler''': ''[answering the phone]'' Walt. Where's Holly?
:'''Walter''': Are you alone? No police?
:'''Skyler''': No. No police. Where are you? Where's Holly? Walt!
:'''Walter''': What the hell is wrong with you? Why can't you do one thing I say?
:'''Skyler''': What?
:'''Walter''': This is ''your'' fault. This is what comes of your disrespect. I told you, Skyler. I warned you for a solid year. You cross me, there will be consequences. What part of that didn't you understand?
:'''Skyler''': You took my child.
:'''Walter''': 'Cause you need to learn.
:'''Skyler''': You bring her back!
:'''Walter''': Maybe now you'll listen. Maybe now you'll use your damn head. You know, you never believed in me. You were never grateful for anything I did for this family. ''[imitates Skyler's voice]'' "Oh, no. Walt. Walt, you have to stop. You have to stop this. It's immoral. It's illegal. Someone might get hurt." You're always whining and complaining about how I make my money, just dragging me down. While I do everything. And now–now you tell my son what I do after I've told you and told you to keep your goddamn mouth shut. You stupid bitch. How dare you?
:'''Skyler''': ''[realizing what he is doing]'' I'm sorry.
:'''Walter''': You–You have no right to discuss anything about what I do. Oh, what–what the hell do you know about it anyway? Nothing. I built this. Me. Me alone. Nobody else!
:'''Skyler''': You're right. You're right.
:'''Walter''': You mark my words, Skyler. Toe the line, or you will wind up just like Hank.
:'''Skyler''': Walt... Tell me what happened. Where is Hank? Please. We need to know.
:'''Walter''': You're never gonna see Hank again.
:''[Marie, who is listening, starts crying uncontrollably.]''
:'''Walter''': He crossed me. You think about that. Family or no. You let that sink in. ''[cries silently.]''
:'''Skyler''': Walt... I just want Holly back. Please, Walt. Just come home.
:'''Walter''': ''[long pause; stifles a sob]'' I've still got things left to do.
=== ''[[w:Granite State (Breaking Bad)|Granite State]]'' [5.15] ===
:''[After watching Jesse implicate Todd for killing a kid on tape, Jack and Todd walk out of the house.]''
:'''[[w:Todd Alquist|Todd]]''': Wait, Uncle Jack, hold up. I think we should keep him for a while, get a couple of cooks under our belt.
:'''Jack''': You seriously giving me this turn-the-other-cheek crap? He ratted you out. Personally.
:'''Todd''': We still got 600 gallons of methylamine.
:'''Jack''': Meth? Who gives a shit about meth? We won the lottery here. We’ve got all the money in the world. You’re talking to me about selling crank?
:'''Todd''': I mean, this is millions, Uncle Jack. No matter how much you got, how do you turn your back on more?
:'''Jack''': ''[stares at Todd knowingly]'' You little... bastard. It’s that Lydia woman. ''[putting his arm on Todd’s shoulder]'' You’re sweet on her, you little bastard. ''[to Kenny]'' Hey, Kenny. You believe this?
:'''Kenny''': ''[makes a sexual hand gesture]'' Hey, it’s all about this right here, huh? ''[smiles big at Todd]''
:''[Jack lets go of Todd as his crew laugh]''
:'''Jack''': Come on. You can do better. I mean, that one is so uptight, she’s probably got a wood chipper for a coochie. You stick it in down there, you’re pulling back a stump. Ah, what the hell. Heart wants what the heart wants, right? Let’s go back and watch some more of that crybaby rat, huh?
:''[Jack and Todd walk back toward the house]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Walter and Saul are in the basement of Ed's vacuum repair shop]''
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': ...What?
:'''[[w:Saul Goodman|Saul]]''': Nothing.
:'''Walter''': You know what, make yourself useful. Give me a list of hitters, mercenaries. Yes, yes, I remember–you've got "concerns." Don't worry, we'll take the time to vet them. Make sure there are no undercover cops on the team. Five should do it, providing they're the right men for the job.
:'''Saul''': I'm gonna hate myself for asking, but who are we hitting?
:'''Walter''': Jack Welker and his men. They murdered Hank. They stole my life's work.
:'''Saul''': I don't know any hitmen.
:'''Walter''': [[w:Mandala (Breaking Bad)|You know a guy who knows a guy]]–Just give me the contacts. Anybody in that world. I'm paying top dollar. We'll find them.
:'''Saul''': You mind if I give you a nickel's worth of advice, just for old times' sake? You're worried about your wife and kids? Don't leave. The way things are right now, some people–not me, mind you, but some people–might say you're leaving her high and dry.
:'''Walter''': "Some people" would be ignorant on the facts. "Some people" wouldn't know that as far as the police are concerned, Skyler is a blameless victim.
:''[Saul scoffs and waves off Walter]''
:'''Walter''': No no no, go ahead. Get it off your chest. Go on.
:'''Saul''': The phone call was a smart move. Kudos to you. Odds are it was recorded. It's gonna play great for a jury. It might even buy her a mistrial–in a year and a half. Until then, if they don't have you, they're going after her.
:'''Walter''': There's no point. She knows nothing.
:'''Saul''': Well too bad for her, then she's got nothing to trade. I hate to be a downer here, but there are two DEA agents missing, presumed dead. You think the Feds are gonna just let that go 'cause you hit the ejector seat? First thing they're gonna do, they will [[w:Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act|RICO]] your wife and kids out of the house. That condo is gone. Your bank accounts, they're frozen. Her picture's probably on TV right now, next to yours. Who's gonna hire her?
:'''Walter''': Money's no problem.
:'''Saul''': Well, I don't mean to contradict you, but getting it to her? Impossible. The Feds are just praying that you'll make contact. The Internet, the phone, it's all tapped. Hey, Mike was no dummy. But every time he tried to get his nest egg to his granddaughter, it ended up in Uncle Sam's pockets.
:'''Walter''': So you propose what?
:'''Saul''': Stay. Face the music. Hey, I mean, how much time have you got left? You walk in with your head held high, you'll be the [[w:John Dillinger|John Dillinger]] of Metropolitan Detention Center...
:'''Walter''': No, no, no...
:'''Saul''': ...How bad is that? And you bring a barrel full of drug money, maybe that soothes some troubled waters. Maybe they let your family stay in the house. After all, the house predates the criminal enterprise—
:'''Walter''': God, do you think I want to run?! That's the last thing that I want! This... this changes nothing. What I do I do for my family. My money goes to my children! Not just this barrel – ''all of it!'' I'm going to kill Jack and his entire crew, and I'm going to take back what is mine and give it to my children, and then–and ''only'' then–am I through! Do you understand?
:''[Ed enters the room]''
:'''Ed''': Everything good?
:'''Saul''': Define "good."
:'''Ed''': You're set. Time to go. ''[to Walter]'' You'll be a little longer. Still working on transportation.
:'''Walter''': Change of plans. He's coming with me.
:'''Saul''': ''No''. No, that's—
:'''Walter''': We're going together. I can use him.
:'''Ed''': ''[pause]'' I'll give you two a minute.
:''[Ed leaves the room]''
:'''Saul''': Hey, I'm a civilian. I'm not your lawyer anymore. I'm nobody's lawyer. The fun's over. From here on out, I'm Mr. Low Profile, just another douchebag with a job and three pairs of Dockers. If I'm lucky, a month from now–best case scenario–[[w:Better Call Saul|I'm managing a Cinnabon in Omaha]].
:'''Walter''': You're still a part of this, whether you like it or not.
:'''Saul''': I'm sorry. I don't think so.
:''[Walter menacingly approaches Saul and backs him to a wall]''
:'''Walter''': You remember what I told you? ''It's not over until''—
:''[Walter breaks into a bad coughing fit]''
:'''Saul''': It's over.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Todd''': ''[to Andrea]'' Just so you know, this isn't personal.
:''[Todd shoots Andrea in the back of the head]''
<hr width="50%" />
:''[Walter, hiding in New Hampshire, manages to telephone his son at school.]''
:'''Walter''': Son, it’s me. Please don’t let on. Carmen’s nearby, right? She cannot know. Son, are you there?
:'''[[w:Walter White Jr.|Walter Jr.]]''': Y–Yes.
:'''Walter''': It’s so good to hear your voice. I– I… I, uh… Son, the things that they’re saying… about me… I did wrong. I– I’ve made some terrible mistakes. But the reason were always… Things happened that… I– I never… intended. I never intended. Listen. Son, we don’t have much time. Is Louis’ family still at 4848 Newcombe? Son, your friend Louis Corbett, does his family still live in that same place up on Newcombe?
:'''Walter Jr.''': Y–Yes.
:'''Walter''': Okay, good. Okay, he’s–he’s a good kid. He’s–he’s like you. He’ll understand. I’m sending Louis a package. Now, it’s addressed to Louis, but it’s for you, your mother and your sister. There’s–there’s money inside. About $100,000. Okay? I think. It was all that I could fit into the box. It has to be a secret. And if anyone says a word, the police will take it. I wanted to give you so much more. But this is all I could do. Do you understand? Son? Can you hear me? Do you understand?
:'''Walter Jr.''': ''[pause]'' You want to send money?
:'''Walter''': Yes. Good. Good, good. So, you’ll–you’ll talk to Louis, right?
:'''Walter Jr.''': You ''killed'' Uncle Hank. ''You killed him!''
:'''Walter''': Wait. Wait, son.
:'''Walter Jr.''': No. What you did to mom– You asshole. ''You killed Uncle Hank.''
:'''Walter''': Listen to me. You’ve got to listen to me.
:'''Walter Jr.''': Shut up. Just stop it. Sto–stop it. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t give a shit.
:'''Walter''': You need this money. Your mother—
:'''Walter Jr.''': ''You killed Uncle Hank. You killed him!''
:'''Walter''': Your mother needs this money. It can’t all be for nothing.
:'''Walter Jr.''': What you did–Just shut up.
:'''Walter''': Please.
:'''Walter Jr.''': Shut up.
:'''Walter''': Please.
:'''Walter Jr.''': Will you just–just leave us alone? ''You asshole! Why are you still alive?! [[w:Cancer Man (Breaking Bad)|Why don’t you just–just die already?]] Just–just die!''
:''[Walter Jr. hangs up]''
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Receptionist''': DEA, Albuquerque district office. How may I direct your call?
:'''Walter''': I... I would like to speak to the agent in charge of the Walter White investigation.
:'''Receptionist''': Who may I say is calling?
:'''Walter''': ...Walter White.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''[[w:Charlie Rose|Charlie Rose]]''': ''[on television as Walter watches]'' But just yesterday, your charity, the Gretchen & Elliott Schwartz Foundation, announced a $28 million grant for drug abuse treatment centers throughout the Southwest.
:'''Elliott''': Charlie, the Southwest is our home, and we couldn't just ignore what's going on in our own backyard.
:'''Charlie''': But I'm sure you're aware that there are people who suggest other motives. [[w:Andrew Ross Sorkin|Andrew Ross Sorkin]] of ''The New York Times'' wrote a column suggesting that the grant was a kind of publicity maneuver to shore up the stock price of Gray Matter Technologies because of your association with Walter White.
:'''Elliott''': Well, that's not exactly the way...
:'''Charlie''': To cleanse yourself, so to speak, of having a methamphetamine kingpin as co-founder of your company.
:'''Elliott''': Charlie, I'm glad you brought that up. I have to believe that the investing public understands we're talking about a person who was there early on, but who had virtually nothing to do with the creation of the company, and still less to do with growing it into what it is today.
:'''Charlie''': So what was Walter White's contribution?
:'''Elliott''': You know, to be honest... Honey?
:'''Gretchen''': The company name.
:'''Elliott''': The company name. We came up with it by combining our names. Schwartz means black, black plus white makes gray.
:'''Charlie''': Hence, Gray Matter Technologies.
:'''Elliott''': Exactly. As far as I can recall, his contribution begins and ends right there.
:'''Charlie''': There are continuing reports of blue methamphetamine, considered his signature product throughout the Southwest, and some evidence of reaching as far as Europe. So my question is: Is Walter White still out there?
:'''Gretchen''': No, he's not.
:'''Charlie''': You sound very sure.
:'''Gretchen''': I am. I can't speak for this Heisenberg that people refer to, but whatever... Whatever he became, the sweet, kind, brilliant man that we once knew, long ago, he's gone.
=== ''[[w:Felina (Breaking Bad)|Felina]]'' [5.16] ===
:'''[[w:Walter White (Breaking Bad)|Walter]]''': ''[to Elliott, who is threatening him with a fruit knife]'' Elliott, if we're gonna go that way, you'll need a bigger knife.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Walter''': Keep stacking. It’ll all fit.
:''[Elliott and Gretchen pile Walter’s money on a table. Gretchen drops several stacks]''
:'''Walter''': That’s alright. Just–Just throw it on top. Gretchen, would you mind? We don’t want to lose any under the furniture. ''[Gretchen picks up the dropped stacks]'' Alright. That is $9,720,000.
:'''Gretchen''': Where did it come from? And why is it here?
:'''Walter''': I earned it. And you’re going to give it to my children.
:'''Gretchen''': What? Why?
:'''Elliott''': Walt, I don’t think we—
:'''Walter''': On my son’s 18th birthday, which is ten months and two days from today, you will give him this money in the form of an irrevocable trust. You will tell him it is his to do with as he sees fit, but with the hope that he uses it for his college education and for the betterment of his family.
:'''Elliott''': Walt, I’m not sure that we follow. Why, um, I mean, why, in particular, would we—
:'''Gretchen''': If you wanna give your kids drug money, go do it yourself.
:'''Walter''': I can’t. My wife and son hate me. They won’t take my money. Even if they did, the federal government wouldn’t let them. But two rich benefactors, who are known for their charitable endeavors, who would think nothing of, for instance, writing a $28 million check to help victims of methamphetamine abuse. I have to think that your money would be very welcome.
:'''Gretchen''': It wouldn’t make any sense coming from us.
:'''Walter''': It certainly would. My children are blameless victims of their monstrous father, a man who you once knew quite well. Call it a beau geste. Call it liberal guilt. Call it whatever you want, but do it. And you are not to spend a single dime of your own money. If there are taxes or lawyers’ fees owed, you will take it right from here. They use my money, never yours.
:'''Elliott''': Okay, Walt, sure. That–That sounds reasonable. So what happens next?
:'''Walter''': I guess we shake on it. And I leave.
:''[Walter shakes hands with Elliott and Gretchen. He walks up to them.]''
:'''Walter''': I can trust you to do this.
:'''Elliott''': Yes. Absolutely you can.
:''[Walter turns to the window and signals someone to point red laser at Elliott and Gretchen. They shake and scream.]''
:'''Walter''': Don’t move, Don’t... Don’t dare move a muscle. You don’t want them to think that you’re trying to get away. Just breathe. Just this afternoon, I had an extra $200,000 that I would have loved dearly to leave on top of this table. Instead, I gave it to the two best hitmen west of the Mississippi. Now, whatever happens to me tomorrow, they’ll still be out there keeping tabs. And if, for any reason, my children do not get this money, a kind of… countdown will begin. Maybe a day or so later, maybe a week, a year, when you’re going for a walk in Santa Fe or Manhattan or Prague, wherever. And you’re... talking about your stock prices... without a worry in the world, and then suddenly, you’ll hear the scrape of a footstep behind you, and before you can even turn around... Pop!
:''[He pokes Elliott and Gretchen in the back of their necks, making them scream]''
:'''Walter''': Darkness. ''[puts his arms around Elliott and Gretchen]'' Cheer up, beautiful people. This is where you get to make it right.
:''[Walter signals someone to stop pointing the red laser at Elliott and Gretchen, then leaves]''
<hr width="50%" />
:''[Badger and Skinny Pete return to Walter's car after posing as fake hitmen]''
:'''Badger''': You know, I don't exactly know how to feel about all this.
:'''Skinny Pete''': For real, yo. The whole thing felt kinda shady, you know, like, morality-wise.
:'''Badger''': Totally.
:''[Walter hands them a couple of bundles of money]''
:'''Walter''': How do you feel now?
:''[Badger and Skinny Pete take the money]''
:'''Skinny Pete''': Better.
:'''Badger''': Yeah, definitely improving.
:'''Walter''': What's this I hear about blue meth still being out there?
:'''Skinny Pete''': What do you mean?
:'''Walter''': You heard anything? Is it still being sold?
:'''Badger''': Yeah.
:'''Walter''': By whom?
:'''Badger''': It's you, right? I mean... aren't you still cooking?
:'''Skinny Pete''': Damn, man! We were sure it was you, 'cause that shit is choice, yo! Better than ever! I mean, um, you know...
:'''Walter''': ...Jesse.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''[[w:Skyler White|Skyler]]''': We don't want your money, Walt. I thought Flynn made that clear.
:'''Walter''': He did. And I don't have any to give you. I spent the last of it getting here. All I have to give you is this. ''[takes out a lottery ticket and hands it to Skyler]'' Call the DEA once I leave. Tell them I was here. That I forced my way in. Tell them... Tell them I wanted bacon and eggs on my birthday. And that I gave you that ticket. Those numbers are GPS coordinates.
:'''Skyler''': For what?
:'''Walter''': A burial site. That's where they will find Hank and Steve Gomez. ''[Skyler weeps]'' That's where I buried our money. The men who stole it from us. The men who still have it. They murdered Hank and Steve and put them in that hole. Now you trade that for a deal with the prosecutor. Get yourself out of this. Skyler... Skyler... All the things that I did, you need to understand—
:'''Skyler''': If I have to hear ''one more time'' that you did this for the family—
:'''Walter''': I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And... I was... really... ''I was alive''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Jack, Todd, and their men lie dead around the tiny shack. Walter drops his gun and pushes it toward Jesse. Jesse picks it up and points it at Walter.]''
:'''Walter''': Do it. You want this.
:'''[[w:Jesse Pinkman|Jesse]]''': Say the words. Say ''you'' want this! Nothing happens until I hear you say it!
:'''Walter''': I want this.
:'''Jesse''': ''[notices that Walt has already been shot; lowers the gun and drops it]'' Then do it yourself.
<hr width="50%" />
:''[Last lines of the series; Lydia calls Todd's cell phone, Walter picks it up.]''
:'''Walter''': Hello?
:'''Lydia''': Is it done? Is he gone?
:'''Walter''': Yeah, it's done. He's gone. They're all gone.
:'''Lydia''': ...Todd? Who is this?
:'''Walter''': It's Walt. How are you feeling? Kind of under the weather? Like you've got the flu? That would be the ricin I gave you. I slipped it into that [[w:Stevia|stevia]] crap that you're always putting in your tea.
:'''Lydia''': Oh, my God.
:'''Walter''': Well... Goodbye, Lydia.
:''[Walter drops the phone to the ground, then exchanges one final look with Jesse, before the latter drives away]''
<!--
<hr width="50%" />
:''[Song [[w:Baby Blue (Badfinger song)|"Baby Blue"]] by [[w:Badfinger|Badfinger]] plays in the background]''
::'Guess I got what I deserved<br>Kept you waiting there<br>Too long my love<br>All that time without a word<br>Didn't know you'd think,<br>That I'd forget<br>Or I'd regret<br>The special love I had for you<br>My baby blue<br>All the days became so long<br>Did you really think,<br>I'd do you wrong?<br>Dixie, when I let you go<br>Thought you'd realize that I would know<br>I would show<br>The special love I have for you<br>My baby blue...
-->
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Breaking Bad seasons]]
[[Category:Split television seasons]]
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'''[[w:Jamaat-e-Islami|Jamaat-e-Islami]]''' (Urdu: جماعتِ اسلامی) is an [[Islamism|Islamist]] political organisation and [[Social conservatism|social conservative]] movement founded in 1941 in [[British Raj|British India]] by the [[Islam|Islamic]] [[Theology|theologian]] and socio-political philosopher, [[Abul Ala Maududi]]. Along with the [[Muslim Brotherhood]], founded in 1928, Jamaat-e-Islami was one of the original and most influential Islamist organisations, and the first of its kind to develop "an ideology based on the modern revolutionary conception of Islam".
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==Quotes==
* It [Jamaat-e-Islami] is not a missionary organisation or a body of preachers or evangelists, but an organisation of God’s troopers.
** 1964, ''Haqiqat-i-Jihad'', page 58, Taj Company Ltd, Lahore, Pakistan.
* [[Soldiers]] were incited to [[Rape during the Bangladesh Liberation War|mass-rape]] the [[women]] in order to mutate the [[Hinduism|Hindu]] [[Bengalis|Bengali]] gene. This is what was said by [[Punjab|Punjabi]] officers to [[Pakistan Armed Forces|Punjabi soldiers]]. This is what they did. In March 1971, West Pakistan invaded [[East Pakistan]]. [[Rape|Rapes]] and [[1971 Bangladesh genocide|massacres]] took place. In one night alone, occupying soldiers, accompanied by Jamaat-e-Islami collaborators, invaded the student hostels at the [[Universities|university]]. Hundreds of students disappeared. [[Left-wing politics|Left-wing]] intellectuals were traced and shot. [[Sheikh Mujibur Rahman|Sheikh Mujib]] was arrested and brought to a West Pakistani prison. [[w:Awami_League|His party]] went underground and prepared to resist. Pakistan's greatest [[Poets|poet]], [[Faiz Ahmad Faiz|Faiz Ahined Faiz]], wrote of 'eyes washed with blood'.
** [[Tariq Ali]], ''The Clash of Fundamentalisms, Crusades, Jihads and Modernity'' (2002)
* By 1941, in [[Lahore]], he had founded Jamaat-e Islami, the vanguard of the Islamic revolution of his dreams. His followers would deny he had ever written such heathen verses. [[Abul A'la Maududi|Mawdudi]] had opposed the [[Partition of India|creation of Pakistan]]. But once it came into existence, he worked relentlessly to turn it into his [[Utopia|utopian]] Islamic state. From [[Philosophy|philosopher]] and [[Ideology|ideologue]], he became a strategist, a politician with a program. The Jamaat organized a highly structured network of activists to spread the message, pushing to institutionalize Islamic values at every level of society and public life, including politics. According to Mawdudi, no ruler, no system had ever been truly Islamic, because Muslims had become estranged from the true precepts of their religion, and governments that did not strictly apply the [[Sharia|shari’a]], Islamic law, were [[Apostasy|apostates]]. The ''[[Jahiliyyah|jahiliyya]]'', the pre-Islam age of ignorance, therefore continued, and Mawdudi’s response was the ''[[wikipedia:Hukm|hukm]]'', [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] rule, of [[God]] over [[earth]] through the rule of shari’a. In its [[Arabic]] root declination, the word hukm led to the word and concept of hakimiyya: an Islamic state that was the result of the [[Islamization in Pakistan|Islamization]] of society and state through [[education]], the Islamization of private and public life, a [[Totalitarianism|totalitarian]] model in which [[Divine law|God’s law]] was supreme and elected officials governed only under the guidance of [[Ulema|clerics]].
** [[w:Kim Ghattas|Kim Ghattas]] ''Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion, and Collective Memory in the Middle East'' (2020)
* These were the ideas that would later be attributed to the [[Egypt|Egyptian]] thinker [[Sayyid Qutb|Qutb]], but they were unmistakably Mawdudi’s. He was the missing link between [[Hassan al-Banna|Banna]]’s vague vision for an Islamic society and Qutb’s urgent political manifesto, ''Milestones''. Novel and radical in their day, Mawdudi’s ideas are at the root of modern-day political Islam, radical [[Salafi movement|Salafism]], and [[Jihad|jihadism]]. He inspired his contemporaries and the generations since, both Shia and Sunni. His profound influence on [[Pakistan|Pakistani]] politics is the bridge that connects the [[mujahedeen]] of [[Afghanistan]] in the [[1980s]] to the jihadists of the [[Middle East]]. Decades later, when Western authors and journalists went looking for the clues that led to [[September 11 attacks|9/11]], they would settle on Qutb as the source of much of the [[evil]], providing only a partial understanding of what had happened and why. Mawdudi’s key influence would be mostly forgotten, including his connections with [[Iranian Revolution|revolutionary Iran]]. Mawdudi’s work had begun to appear in [[Imperial State of Iran|Iran]], translated into [[Persian language|Persian]], in the early 1960s. The Pakistani scholar and [[Ruhollah Khomeini|Khomeini]] met in 1963 in [[Mecca]], where Mawdudi delivered a lecture about the duties of Muslim youth that impressed Khomeini. The two men talked for a half hour at their hotel with a translator. Khomeini explained his campaign against the shah. This was the year of protests against the [[wikipedia:White_Revolution|White Revolution]], and Khomeini would soon be exiled to [[Iraq]]. Mawdudi did not believe in a revolution for Pakistan; he preached for the [[Islamization in Pakistan|Islamization]] of society as the natural path to an Islamic state. But the majority of Pakistanis were indifferent to his message. He was also unpopular with the country’s leaders. Mawdudi was jailed four times, only narrowly escaping a [[Capital punishment in Islam|death sentence]] thanks to the intervention of [[Saudi Arabia]] in 1953. During the elections of 1970, the Jamaat won only four of the three hundred seats in the [[wikipedia:National_Assembly_of_Pakistan|National Assembly]]. But in [[Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq|Zia]]’s Pakistan, Mawdudi was suddenly useful. The pious general sought his advice, and the scholar’s views were now published on the front page of newspapers
** Kim Ghattas, ''Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion, and Collective Memory in the Middle East'' (2020)
* Clerics were gaining influence everywhere: In the [[bureaucracy]], civil servants sought promotions with overt expressions of [[religiousness]]; the army now held [[Quran]] study groups. [[Women]] were banned from playing [[sports]] in public; the national women’s hockey team, one of the world’s best, was forbidden from leaving the country. [[History]] was also being rewritten. [[Muhammad Ali Jinnah|Jinnah]], the [[Secularism|secular]] father of the nation, had a makeover: he was no longer shown in Western clothes in official portraits, only in traditional dress. References to pluralism and [[Freedom of religion in Pakistan|freedom of faith]] in Jinnah’s 1947 speech were scrubbed from the record. The methodical, relentless, systemwide changes were akin to a cultural revolution, unparalleled in the history of Islam in the [[South Asia|subcontinent]] but cleaving closely to what was happening in [[Iran]] and [[Saudi Arabia]]. Although the Jamaat had been in awe of the [[Iranian Revolution]], its leader saw Saudi Arabia as the more perfect model to emulate, with full [[segregation]], banishment of [[Women in the workforce|women from the workplace]], a ban on women driving, and the [[w:wali|male guardianship]] system. [[Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq|Zia]] had caused worldwide consternation.
** Kim Ghattas, ''Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion, and Collective Memory in the Middle East'' (2020)
*In his book My Eleven Years with Fakhruddin Ahmad, Mr. Fazle Ahmed Rehmany quotes an incident which throws interesting light on the psychology of [[Secularism in India|secularism]] and its need to keep Muslims in isolation and in a sort of protective custody. During the [[The Emergency (India)|Emergency]] period some followers of the Jamaat-e-Islami found themselves in the same jail as the members of the [[Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh|RSS]]; here they began to discover that the latter were no monsters as described by the 'nationalist' and secularist propaganda. Therefore they began to think better of the [[Hindu|Hindus]]. This alarmed the secularists and the interested Maulvis. Some Maulvis belonging to the Jamiat-ul-Ulema-i-Hind met President.. [[Fakhruddin Ali Ahmed|Fakhruddin Ahmad]], and reported to him about the growing rapport between the members of the two communities. This 'stunned' the President and he said that this boded an 'ominous' future for [[Indian National Congress|Congress]] Muslim leaders and he promised that he would speak to [[Indira Gandhi|Indiraji]] about this dangerous development and ensure that [[Islam in India|Muslims]] remain Muslims.
**Lal, K. S. (1999). Theory and practice of Muslim state in India. New Delhi: Aditya Prakashan. Chapter 6 (quoting Ram Swarup and citing Fakhruddin Ahmad)
*Today, “[[Communalism (South Asia)|communalism]]” is one of those labels allotted exclusively to people who reject it; it is a term of abuse... Jamaat-i-Islami (whose Pakistani wing has campaigned for decades, and with success, for the desecularization of the state) attacks “[[Communalism (South Asia)|communalism]]” in the name of “[[secularism]]”. I cannot recall a single issue of the Islamist papers Radiance [a Weekly published by the Jamaat-e-Islami] and Muslim India which failed to brandish “secularism” and denounce “communalism”. ... Imposition of an exonym, especially a pejorative one like "coummunalist", must be considered a statement of involvement in an anti-Hindu-revivalist or so-called "anti-communal" crusade...
**[[Koenraad Elst|Elst Koenraad]], ''Decolonizing the Hindu Mind'' (2001),p.15-18
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Islam]]
[[Category:Political parties in Asia]]
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'''''[[w:WWE SmackDown|WWE SmackDown]]''''' is a professional wrestling television program that originally debuted as a special on April 29, 1999 and formally became a weekly show on August 26, 1999.
==2000==
===January 13===
:''[Mick Foley as Mankind appears while Triple H insults a fake Mankind on the ring]''
:'''Mick Foley''': Triple H, that is enough! Is this what you get off on? Making fun of me? How much more, do you want from me? First, you take away my job, then you bring this idiot out there and you take away my dignity then Monday night, in what should have been the greatest night of my life when I was reinstated on RAW is WAR, you take me and you ruin my shirt and you ruin my face and I'll be honest when I stepped onto the shower and I let the cold water run down on my head and I looked down at the pool of blood as it swirled down the shower drain, I started thinking a little big about what Mankind was. Well, Mankind is an entertaining son of a gun. Mankind is a pretty damn good author, Mankind is one tough SOB and Mankind is one hell of a fighter. So it saddens me to say that after the beating you gave me on Monday night one thing Mankind is not is ready to face you in a streetfight at the Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden because you are without a doubt, The Game. You are the best in the business right now and as you said Mankind in some ways is nothing more than a beaten-up pathetic fool. But I think the WWF fans deserve a substitute in that match. What I'm gonna do, Triple H, is I'm gonna name him right now - as a matter of fact, I think you know the guy. ''[walks down, removes mask and shirt, revealing the Cactus Jack Wanted Dead shirt to huge response]'' And I think you know him pretty damn well. His name, is Cactus Jack! And his first official act as part of the WWF is to kick your teeth all over the city of Chicago!
===February 24===
:''[The Rock appears as a tagteam match between him with Chris Jericho against Kurt Angle and the Big Show is set for the night]''
:'''The Rock''': Chris Jericho, the Rock says that tag-team wrestling really isn't in his repertoire, but tonight, the Rock will team with you as long the Rock can get that Olympic goof to know his role and shut his mouth! But then again, the Rock could care less about Kurt Angle. The only reason he would pair you is to get his hands, on the Big Show. Big Show, the Rock says this: He's heard your complaints, he has seen your footage, and the Rock says you are absolutely right. The Rock says you're right, the Rock's feet did touch the ground first and you are right the Rock did call you a jabroni, and you are right, these people - the Rock's people - boo your candyass! ''[Rocky chants]'' Well Big Show, you wanna know why they boo you? You know why they don't treat you with the respect that you think you deserve? Well you see the Rock has a little bit of video footage of his own. The Rock has some video footage of the one thing you think you do best so the Rock says roll the footage. ''[clip of Rock mocking Big Show's chokeslam arm and battlecry; Big Show fumes]'' Now Big Show, just in case you didn't digest that, let's look at it one more time from a different angle! ''[front-view clip of Rock mocking Big Show again]'' Now Big Show, seeing as you have a third-grade education, maybe you will understand it one more time in slow motion. ''[The Rock makes a fake slowmo shot of Big Show's tell]'' You see Big Show that is why they boo you. That is why they don't treat you with respect, because you whine, you bitch, you moan, and complain ''[mock whining]'' But me? Why? Why you boo me? You should chant me don't boo me - ''[normal]'' oh shut your mouth! Big Show, the Great One says this - he realizes you're seven feet, he realizes that you are 500 pounds and the Rock realizes that you are without a shadow of a doubt, the biggest threat in the Rock's career and come No Way Out, don't worry about the crowds, come No Way Out don't worry about whether or not they boo you. The only thing you should worry about, Big Show, is this - is how you're gonna stop the Brahma Bull from kicking your candyass and going to WrestleMania. If you SMELLL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!
===April 27===
:''[Having had enough of the Stone Cold Steve Austin-themed pranks they had all night long, the McMahon-Helmsley Regime calls out The Rock on his earlier warning that Austin was indeed in the area]''
:'''The Rock''': The Rock promised that Stone Cold was gonna be here tonight, and the Rock is a man and a half living up to his word, and always keeps his promises! Now all night long, the Rock has thoroughly enjoyed watching all your candy asses get confused, get paranoid. The beer, the rattlesnake, the only regret is that the Rattlesnake didn't bite one of you in your candy asses! Shane McMahon, beating up the cardboard cutout of Stone Cold. Real tough. Triple H, beating up the Stone Cold lookalike in a bathroom! Well, who do you think the Rock is? The Rock doesn't dress like Stone Cold, The Rock doesn't talk like Stone Cold, the Rock doesn't even ''look'' like Stone Cold... but ''[gestures to Smackdown screen]'' HE looks like Stone Cold. ''[Austin appears on screen]''
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Hell, I understand you jackasses have been looking for me. Hell, I'm at the parking lot, I've been here in out all night long! Now there seems to be some concern over whose side Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna be on this Sunday at [[w:Backlash_(2000)|Backlash]]. Will Stone Cold Steve Austin be looking to favor Triple H or will Stone Cold Steve Austin be on the side of The Rock. That's an easy one for Stone Cold to answer, because the answer to that is, I'm gonna be on the side I've always been on and that's mine! But what I've got right now, is a little demonstration for ya, to any one of you little grubby bastards that thinks they're gonna get their hands on Stone Cold Steve Austin. You see, there's a lot of people out there that are good at construction, a lot of people good at building little things with their hands. Hell it seems the only thing I've ever been good at is tearing shit up. Basically, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm good at deconstruction, so what we got here ''[tears off label in crane, revealing AUSTIN DECONSTRUCTION]'' is my own little toy and Stone Cold Steve Austin's got just a little example of what might happen ''[gets in control booth]'' if anybody gets their little grubby meathooks on me!
:'''Michael Cole''': Where is he, King?
:'''Jerry Lawler''': He's in a parking lot.
:'''Austin''': ''[sets up controls]'' Oh that's what I'd like to hear.
:'''Cole''': What the hell is he doing? ''[sees Austin set up a concrete barrier over the DX Express bus]'' Wait a minute, that's the DX Express!! ''[Austin drops barrier on the bus and the bus explodes]'' Holy cow! Do you believe that? The DX... Express bus just exploded!!
:'''Lawler''': It's on fire!
:'''Austin''': And that's what's gonna happen to anybody that tries to mess with Stone Cold Steve Austin this Sunday at Backlash AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, 'CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!!
:'''Lawler''': He's demolished the DX Express!
:'''Cole''': Oh hell yeah, Stone Cold is back! Austin 3:16 says, "I just wrecked your bus!" Sunday night, King, at Backlash, on pay-per-view could be the Rock's night 'cause Stone Cold said so!
===May 11===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Now, I understand, that there are a number of you... ''[hears "Asshole!" chants]'' I understand that there are a number of you... I understand that... I understand that some of you feel as though that the McMahon-Helmsley Faction, last Monday on ''Raw'', just wasn't fair to Chris Jericho. I understand that many of you feel as though, since the McMahon-Helmsley Faction made Chris Jericho compete on three different occasions, defending the Intercontinental title until he lost it, that it just wasn't fair. Well, that's just too damn bad. Because, if you don't think it was fair Monday, you're probably the same kind of people who wait in line, you wait forever in line, like sheep all lined up, you wait in line, waiting your turn, and then you'll see someone like myself, very aggressively cut in the front of the line, and you'll say, "Wait a minute! That's not fair!" And what about the parking lot, we've all been there. There you are, patiently waiting for your little parking space, and it suddenly appears, you start driving your car - Oop! Someone zips in, cuts you off, parks their car, and you say "Wait a minute! That's MY parking space, that's not fair!" What about, what about on those few occasions, when you will honestly and objectively, look into the full-length mirror? ''[senses reactions]'' Alright, now we're getting somewhere. And you women, look into the mirror, and you look at yourselves, and you say "Ewwww, eeeeh. Look at the cellulite hanging from my hips and my buttocks! That's not fair!" And you men, you men won't come close to the mirror! But on that occasion where you might take a quick glimpse, you say "Oh, That can't be me. No, that can't be me with the pot belly, and the small genitalia! Oh no, that's not fair!" And you look at yourselves. Go ahead, look at yourselves! Look at the person sitting next to you, yeah, look at ‘em! Look at the person sitting in front of you! Go ahead, look at all of you! You look at yourselves, and you compare yourselves to the beautiful people here in this ring, and you say "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!" And, forget about the looks, what about ''[makes money gesture]'' the money, huh? What about the money?! Uh-huh! You scrimp and you save, you work yourselves half to death, and still, you can't afford what you really want? "That's not fair!" It's not fair that some people are rich and you're not! "That's not fair!" And you know, you have to face the facts, that the vast majority of you are just born with inferior DNA. And you say "It's not fair I'm born with inferior DNA!" but you feel sorry for yourselves, you wallow in your self-pity, and then you have to face the facts, that life is... not... fair. And some of you, a select few, you might as well go ahead and admit it, you might as well own up to the philosophy, for some of you, and that is that - ''Life sucks, and then you die!!''
===May 18===
:''[Gerald Brisco has just put his finger on a snoring Crash Holly with the referee silently counting the pin]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[whispers]'' Gerald Brisco is the Hardcore Champion.
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[whispers as well while Brisco is elated and is given the belt without speaking]'' You gotta be kidding me!
:'''Lawler''': Gerald Brisco has the Hardcore Title, so get them to tune in the music. It will wake up Crash. ''[Brisco and the referee try to sneak out]'' Gerald Brisco is - ''[but the referee stumbles on a chair, which wakes up Crash. Brisco scrambles]''
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute!
:'''Crash Holly''': Where's my belt?!? Hey you... ''[to ref]'' come with me ''[to Brisco]'' hey!!!
:'''Lawler''': ''[as Crash and the ref chase Brisco]'' Look at this!
:'''Cole''': King, Gerald Brisco had the Hardcore title from Crash while he was sleeping ''[Lawler laughs]'' and the chase is on!
===May 25===
:''[Vince McMahon and Gerald Brisco go to the loading dock to see the Rock arrive on a limo, but Vince wants no part of the Rock]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': I'm not looking for trouble tonight. I'm not looking for trouble, I've had enough for one night. You don't even know what's happened here to me, all right. Look, I know we've had our differences in the past, I understand that and you should know, I know you're angry with me but the Undertaker, wait a minute, the Undertaker, he's the reason why you're not the WWF Champion. The Undertaker himself disqualified you for outside- it was The Undertaker's fault, that's why you're not the WWF Champion, but wait a minute, I know you're still angry with me, and this is what I want: just to show you there's no hard feelings, I want you to take the night off, Rock. I want you to take ''[Rock looks at Vince laying hand on him]'' Rock, settle down, please just take the night off that's all I ask. No hard feelings, I don't want anymore trouble, not tonight, okay? Please.
:'''The Rock''': So the Rock's got the night off?
:'''Vince''': The Rock's got the night off, okay? I mean it's about time.
:'''The Rock''': Night off for the Rock.
:'''Vince''': A night off for the Rock.
:'''The Rock''': The Rock doesn't go to SmackDown.
:'''Vince''': Not a thing, no sir, okay? Have a good night, Rock. ''[Rock gets back to limo; to driver]'' Driver, you take him anyplace he wants to go, alright? It's on me. Anyplace he wants to go. Allright? Gerald.
:'''Gerald Brisco''': You did a good job.
:'''Vince''': Thank you.
:'''The Rock''': ''[calls out from window]'' Oh Vince, Vince, by the way, before you leave, before the Rock leaves, come here for a second, Rock wants to tell you one thing. ''[Vince is curious]'' Come a little closer, you don't want the driver to hear this, Vince. ''[Vince gets closer, close enough for the Rock to slap him]''
:'''Vince''': ''[as he reels from the slap and Brisco takes him away]'' You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch! ''[walks off]'' You son of a bitch!
:''[As Vince and Gerald walk off, the Undertaker appears from the side, following them]''
===August 3===
:''[Triple H is waiting for Stephanie McMahon, but Trish Stratus approaches him and says she's embarrassed over the ending of their tag-team match against The Rock and Lita on Raw]''
:'''Triple H''': You're embarrassed?
:'''Trish Stratus''': I know, you know what, I hope things work out between you and Stephanie.
:'''HHH''': ''[angered by what she just said]'' Hope that things work out between me and Stephanie? I'll tell you what, this whole thing is your fault. It's your fault that I haven't talked to my wife in three days. It's your fault she won't speak to me. You know what Trish, you know what you can do? You can do me a really big favor. ''[points arm far away]'' Get away from me. Get out, just get away and don't come back. Stay away from me. ''[shoos Trish off]'' You're bad news!!
===October 5===
:''[Mick Foley argues with Stone Cold Steve Austin over his investigation of who ran down Austin at Survivor Series and the fact that no suspects came up. Austin laments being back but is disappointed at the lack of progress in the investigation]''
:'''Mick Foley''': When I headed down to the ring on Monday night, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking If it was anybody else interfering in matches, they'd be gone and out of the WWF. And I'm also thinking about 1991 and 1992, Steve Austin and Mick Foley splitting a 20-dollar room to save a few bucks, riding in a little crapbox car to save a few bucks so I'm thinking maybe I'd just try to save face with the boys, maybe I'd give Steve Austin a little fine, a little slap on the wrist, thinking by this point in your life, you've saved enough money that no amount of fine I give you is gonna mean a damn anyway. But then what you did Steve, you went and you put your hands on me and all of a sudden my decision changed because you left me no other alternative but starting now, until we find out who ran you over, to suspend you ''indefinitely''!
:'''Steve Austin''': Well, then I want to ask you one time, Stone Cold Steve Austin to Mick Foley, to reconsider.
:'''Foley''': When I said that you've left me no other alternative, that was my answer. The answer is no.
:'''Austin''': And when you said no, you left Stone Cold Steve Austin no alternative - ''[lays down a Stunner on Foley]''
===October 12===
:''[After the revelation on RAW of Rikishi running down Stone Cold Steve Austin, a police officer warns him against retaliation under threat of jail for vehicular manslaughter and murder, but when he rolls up his truck window on the officer, Jim Ross later tries to talk some sense into him]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Steve. ''[taps on the window]'' Steve. Steve, I just want to talk to you. ''[taps]'' Steve. Come on! ''[Austin rolls down window]'' Steve, you can't do this. You can't sit here and run down Rikishi. Do you hear that cop's saying? You'll go to jail! Hell he ain't worth it, he ain't worth it to you running him down. ''[closer]'' Steve, you've got to listen to reason! You got to -''[Austin glares at him; JR steps back]'' All right easy.... ''[leaves]''
===November 30===
:''[Kurt Angle comes out after Mick Foley announces a Hell in Cell match for him, Triple H, Rikishi, The Undertaker, The Rock, and Stone Cold Steve Austin at Armageddon]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': Mick Foley, you have finally lost your mind! A Hell in a Cell? What is wrong with you? I've done nothing but defend this title with respect, honor, and class. I'm not a cheater! I'm not the Minnesota Timberwolves of the WWF! This match is completely barbaric! It's true!
:'''Mick Foley''': Yeah, yeah, it's true, it is true. You were really on a roll. It is barbaric, no doubt about it, and it is brutal, but you and in some ways, all of these men, have left me no other alternative. Make no mistake about it at Armageddon there will be hell taking place inside that cell until there is one WWF Champion and one more time, on more time, if anybody gets physically involved tonight, then that person loses their title shot, and Kurt Angle if it's you who decides to act a little bit funny tonight, then I will STRIP YOU of the WWF title - and I will strip you right here, in Minneapolis, Minnesota! ''[Angle is highly distraught]''
:'''Triple H''': ''[to Angle]'' Wow, sucks to be you doesn't it? ''[to Foley]'' You know Foley, it sounds ironic that you stand in that ring as the commissioner making a Hell in a Cell match, when... jeez, wasn't it a Hell in a Cell match that's the reason you're now the commissioner? I mean, let me refresh your memory, it was a Hell in a Cell match where I beat you half to death and retired your ass! So Foley, all your little stipulations to your match, are just fine with me, but before I go, let me introduce to everybody, somebody very special to me, I'd like to bring out here, my beautiful wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!
==2001==
===July 12===
:''[Vince McMahon addresses the crowd in light of the Alliance declaring war on the WWF]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Allow me to introduce to you the greatest WWF Champion of all time. Allow me to introduce to you the man, who'll lead Team WWF into Invasion. Allow me to introduce you to the man, who'll lead the Undertaker, Kane, Jericho and Angle into Invasion. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Stone Cold Steve Austin! ''[Austin heads down to the ring]'' You know Stone Cold, they say that since WrestleMania, you've changed. You maybe have. They say, that since WrestleMania, you've become more selfish than ever before, you've become uncaring. Matter of fact, many individuals feel as all, you've changed so much since WrestleMania, quite frankly you've become a very proficient brown-noser. ''[Austin reacts]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. That's what some people say, they say, you've changed and I think you have changed. As far as the WWF Champion is concerned I think you've changed for the better. But quite frankly, when we approach the single greatest threat to the World Wrestling Federation ever at Invasion, you know, I'm not so sure that, we don't need another change Stone Cold. I mean, quite frankly, the man that I need to lead Team WWF, even though I've appreciated it, is not the Stone Cold Steve Austin who gives me hugs. I don't need the leader of Team WWF, the Stone Cold Steve Austin that... that gives me gifts, cowboy hats and... and Steve you had your wife Debra make me cookies. Steve, I don't need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin, that strums a guitar and sings to me to lead me and lead Team WWF into Invasion, that's not what I need, Steve. Dammit, you know what I need? You know ''who'' I need? ''I need the '''old''' Stone Cold!'' I need the Stone Cold Steve Austin who's a beer-swilling, foul-mouth SOB! I need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin who don't take no ''shit'' from anybody. I need the kind of HELL-RAISING, HELL-RAISING Stone Cold Steve Austin! I need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin, who not that long ago that would look at Mr. McMahon and if I parted my hair the wrong way, you would knock me on my ass! That's the kind of leadership I need from you Stone Cold! I need you to lead Team WWF into Invasion, I need the OLD Stone Cold! Are you listening to me, dammit?! Huh? Do you want to knock me on my ass now? Huh? Come on, I can feel it, I know I can feel it can feel it in my guts! COME ON, COME ON, NAIL ME! COME ON, KNOCK ME DOWN! KNOCK ME DOWN! If you want Stone Cold Steve Austin to beat THE LIVING HELL out of Vince McMahon, give me a HELL YEAH! ''[crowd chants Hell YEAH! in response]''
:''[Austin shakes his head at Vince and walks out of the ring]''
:Steve, wait, Steve, wait, Steve, don't leave this ring. Steve? ''[calls out a Austin leaves]'' Stone Cold? Stone Cold! I need you! I need you, Austin, to lead Team WWF! I need you at Invasion, Austin! Dammit, Stone Cold, turn around! Come back! Give me a stunner, dammit! ''[Austin stops, but leaves]'' Come back! Austin! AUSTIN! GIVE ME A STUNNER! Stone Cold! ''[drops mic]''
===August 9===
:''[Rhyno attacks Chris Jericho after his match with Hugh Morrus]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Wait a minute! Rhyno! Rhyno from The Alliance ambushing, attacking Jericho from behind! Where the hell did he come from?
:'''Tazz''': Well I guess Jericho's mouth will be shut finally.
:'''Cole''': Rhyno, on that steel ramp, ''[Rhyno suplexes Jericho on the ramp]'' suplexing Jericho! His back and head, bouncing off that steel!
:'''Tazz''': Shut his mouth, Rhyno! Shut it!
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute! ''[Rhyno is calling for Jericho to get up]'' Oh my God! What the hell's Rhyno doing?
:'''Tazz''': Can you feel it Cole? Can you feel it?! ''[Rhyno charges at Jericho and gores him through the SmackDown! titantron]''
:'''Cole''': A Gore!
:'''Tazz''': YEAH!
:'''Cole''': A Gore! A Gore through the screen!
:'''Tazz''': Y2J just got Gored into the next millennium! Shut his mouth!
:'''Cole''': Rhyno with that devastating Gore through that video screen, and onto the steel behind, and Jericho grimacing in pain!
:'''Tazz''': That was amazing! I don't hear Jericho yapping now, do I?
===September 13===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Tonight - tonight, the spirit of America...lives...here...in Houston, Texas! On behalf of everyone here in the arena, and a worldwide television audience, we would like to extend our condolences to the victims, and the families and friends of the victims of the terrorist acts that occurred on Tuesday in New York City and Washington, DC. Our nation's leaders have encouraged us to continue to live our lives...the American way...they've encouraged us to practice and exercise our Constitutional rights. And, as such, tonight I believe this is the first public assembly of its size since the tragedy of Tuesday. Make - make NO MISTAKE about what - and make no mistake about the message this public assembly is sending to terrorism tonight. And that message, quite simply, is that we will not live our lives in fear. The citizens of Houston are NOT afraid...the citizens of Texas are, indeed, not afraid...and by God, the citizens of the United States are not afraid! For we are a proud people - proud of who we are, proud of our nation, and damn proud to be Americans!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' USA!
:'''McMahon''': And we...and we will fight. We will fight for our families, we will fight for our rights, and we will fight for our great nation. America's heart has been wounded. But her spirit - her spirit shines as a beacon of freedom - a beacon of freedom that never has been, nor ever will be extinguished. The World Wrestling Federation would like to thank each and every one of you here in the Compaq Center tonight. The World Wrestling Federation would like to thank each and every one of you watching on television. We would like to thank you for the honor and privilege of performing before you here tonight.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Edge''': I was actually contemplating whether to do this or not, because I don't know if all of you really care what Edge, or better yet Adam Copeland has to say about this. What else can be said? And I actually contemplated whether this show was the right thing to do. And once I contemplated it, I decided that, as the WWF family, we need to do our job tonight, and our job is to bring smiles to the faces of all your families. And if we can do that, then we've done our jobs, and...this can't be forgotten, it shouldn't be forgotten, and it never will be forgotten...but if we can do that, then this show was the right thing to do. And, I'd just like to send my prayers out to all those affected.
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:'''The Rock''': First and foremost, I have to say that I can't fathom or comprehend the pain and the suffering and the anguish that the families and friends of the victims are going through...the workers, working diligently, 24 hours a day - sifting through the rubble and looking for...any remnants of life. It's difficult...to talk about this and I will say that I can't...I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be there, I couldn't imagine, I couldn't imagine if my own family were there. I, ah, I will offer my condolences and certainly say that everyone is in my heart and in my prayers, and I umm - I just wanna say to everyone out there, again to the families and friends of the victims and everyone involved is to...just stay strong. Stay strong.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Chris Jericho''': To be quite honest, I'd like to, I'd rather be in New York City going through the rubble and seeing what I could do to help right now...but since I'm not, maybe - maybe we can help in a different way - maybe we can begin with ourselves, and maybe we can learn from this and become a more peaceful nation and a more peaceful race in the long run. Umm...by being a little bit nicer to each other. I think it's one thing that we've learned from this is that we never know what's gonna happen tomorrow, in the next five minutes, in the next ten minutes. And maybe above everything else, ah, you know, maybe tonight, you know, hug your loved one a little bit harder, or give him or her an extra kiss. Be a little big nicer to a stranger on the street. Be a little more kind, a little more gentle. Um, like I said, if anything else. that our fate and our destiny lies in our hands now...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Lita''': Uh, I really - I don't know what to say about something so...devastatingly evil...uh, that could even make a difference to anyone, so, um...I try to delve below, I've got, you know, this layer of numbness over me and I try to discover the emotions that I have and they're, you know, sadness, anger, fear, help- helplessness, it's like all in one, you know, and so we start to look for answers. I mean, who would do something like this? Why? What are they trying to accomplish? You know, it's...we don't understand. We start to watch...and we get some of the suspects, and the motives, you know, for an event like this, and...but what I wanna know, what do the answers solve? It doesn't change anything that's happened. And, um, you know, I've watched the TV ever since Tuesday morning like I'm sure everyone else has, and um...the only thing that's changed is become more of a reality, and um...all I can say is I've never felt anything like this, um, personally or on a national level. Um, I can't...um, I would never have the audacity to say that I do know what to do in a situation like this. Um, but on a personal level, whenever I have a problem, large, small of any level, it always begins with stopping everything and taking a deep breath. So tonight I hope the entertainment that we provide for you can help you kinda relax and get your mind off things, just for a short time so that you can relax, maybe start to take that first deep breath.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Tazz''': Ahh, besides the Pentagon and the plane that went down outside of Pittsburgh, and all the bomb scares in New York, it's scary for me right now, to be here in Houston and be this far from my family, my parents live in Staten Island, um, my wife and son, I'm just worried, you know, because of all these bomb scares, and I just wanna be there to protect them and be there with them and I'm not - I gotta do what I gotta do and I'm here and I miss her and I miss my son, and ah...these people who are responsible for this - you know, they're gonna pay, and they're gonna pay hard. And I don't know who it was, the president or one of these Senator people, they said you know, we're gonna bring 'em to justice. Well to me that's a load o' crap. Don't bring 'em to justice, bring 'em down - to their knees, to their stomach - until they're not breathing. You gotta fight force with force, and that's just what they did, and...I don't know when I'm going home...but it'll be in New York, that's where my home is, and I can't wait to go home, uh...I don't know what home looks like now, so...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Bubba Ray Dudley''': The one thing I did wanna say is that there's an old saying, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger." And yes, a lotta people died, but you can't kill America, and you can't kill American spirit. And somebody's gonna pay for this, and I hope it's soon, and...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Bradshaw''': You know, I have heard and I have seen the cowardly acts that have happened before. The extermination of Jews by some maniac in Germany. The bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City by some maniac. And now some maniac has attacked America - attacked innocent men, women and children...husbands, fathers, parents...all because of some religious belief, or some other motive that he has, these people had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you. We're running this show tonight because we're gonna show you that you cannot break, you cannot even bend the fiber, the backbone of the United States of America. There's gonna be some critics. There's gonna be some critics that wonder why we run this show. I wanna make this perfectly clear: go to hell. We're doin' this show because we love America. This is all we have to give you for tonight is this, is this evening. If I had to, I'd give my life, readily, for this country. I have relatives who have done that, who are buried overseas, who are buried in many different places. I would do the same thing 'cause I love this great country. George W. was one of the greatest governors of the state of Texas - it's time he become - it's time he will become a great president. You guys who are out there, we're gonna find your ass. We're gonna make whatever country's hiding you into a stinking parking lot. God bless this country - God bless this great state I live in, and God rest the sorry son of a (beep) that did this. We will find you.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Kurt Angle''': I just wanna say that my heart, my thoughts and my prayers go to the victims and their families. And you know, all my life I've always wanted to do something special to be considered an American hero. And after winning the Olympic gold medal at the Olympics, some people would consider me to be an American hero. But after watching this terrible tragedy - now I know who the true American heroes are. They're the police officers and the firemen, and the doctors and nurses, and the paramedics, and all the people that stretched out their arms to help the victims and their families. They're the true American heroes. THEY deserve a gold medal. Or better yet...they earned the right to be called Americans. It's true.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': I don't have anything philosophical to say or anything that's gonna change the world. I just know that I was given an opportunity to speak about what's happening, so all I have to offer is my opinion...and...and my opinion, what I think is the people who did this are a buncha complete cowards. Ah, my heart goes out to anybody that lost loved ones in this whole ordeal. And uh...I think that tonight, by going back to work with the World Wrestling Federation, I think it's...uh...I think it's the thing to do. It feels strange, and I've had this uh, I've had this bad feeling come over me ever since this whole thing has happened and it doesn't seem like I can shake it. But uh, as a person, and I think as a country I think we have to shake it. We have to mourn the losses of the people that we knew, but we have to, uh...we have to get back - we have to get the gears rollin' again, and that's what we're here to do tonight. Uh, what happened this past Tuesday was the worst thing that I've ever seen in my life, and I hope that I never ever see anything like this again, except, to the people that when we find out who did this get a payback, because they deserve a payback, and they deserve exactly what they have comin'...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Booker T''': I just wanna give my condolences to everyone who had, you know, who was involved, you know, everybody who was on the flights, you know, all the - all the firemen, all the policemen who...as soon as the thing happened, they rushed in there to help someone, they just wanted to save someone and to lose their own life is - is tragic, but those guys, in our eyes, in history is always gonna be remembered as - as heroes. That's the way I feel about 'em, and...for something like this to happen here in America, you know, it's givin' everybody uncertainty...it's, you know, can we go out of our houses, and you know it's kinda crazy right now but I know it's gonna make us stronger, it's gonna pull us together, it's gonna make us a better people...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': A few years ago, some people tried to destroy my family. They attacked my father's reputation, they attacked my mother's reputation, and they attacked the World Wrestling Federation. They tried to rip us apart...but all they did was make my family stronger. And that's exactly how America feels right now. Because on Tuesday, America was attacked. Because America is a united nation. And together, we stand strong. I am incredibly proud to be an American citizen, and I will stand up for my rights and my freedom.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Albert''': Waking up on the morning of Tuesday, September 11th, to turn the TV on, to see the tragedy that took place left a feeling of disgust in the pit of my stomach. Never before have I ever seen nor heard of something so tragic. My only hope is, once again, America can pull together and overcome this tragedy. And we pray for the victims, the families who have lost their loved ones, to the people who are helping save people who may still be alive, and that swift justice is brought to the cowards - the faceless cowards that perpetrated this. God bless America and I truly hope that we can overcome this.
===September 20===
:''[Kurt Angle has interrupted Stone Cold Steve Austin's match with Tajiri]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': You know, Austin? When you threw my gold medals over that bridge a few weeks ago, you threw a piece of America into that water and I will never forgive you for that! Nor will I forgive you for what you tried to do to me tonight. Now I see you for who you truly are. You're a desperate man Austin. You don't wanna face me for the WWF title this Sunday at Unforgiven. Because when you look at me, when you look into my eyes, LOOK AT MY EYES! You know that I am the one man that in your mind, in your heart, and deep down in your soul, can beat you! And this Sunday at Unforgiven, I will walk out of my hometown the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! OH IT'S TRUE! IT'S DAMN TRUE! And I promise you that I will have no forgiveness for you!
===November 1===
:'''Kurt Angle''': My name is Kurt Angle. And I'd like to answer some questions I've been getting from you fans ever since last Monday night. Questions like, "Why?" "What were you thinking?" "How could you do this to your country?" Well, let me assure all of you I'm still your Olympic hero. I'm still an American hero. I'm still everything that makes this country great, and you know why? Because I'm a winner! And with Survivor Series coming up, I started to think, who else is a winner? Who do I want on my side when everything's on the line? Well, let's see. Undertaker? He's been here forever, and what has he accomplished? I've done more in two years than he's done in a decade. Kane? Kane's not a winner. He's a follower. A guy who lets the man who burned him as a child lead him around on a leash? Just pathetic! Chris Jericho? Rock? Please! Those are the two most egomaniacal, self-absorbed jerks in the history of the business. I'm supposed to put my career in the hands of these four? I don't think so! There's only one man, one man who I can trust to get the job done. There's only one man who typifies everything this country should be. A role model to anyone who wants to be a winner. And that man is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Think about it. No Mercy, SummerSlam, King of the Ring, Judgment Day, to name a few. And oh yeah, WrestleMania after WrestleMania after WrestleMania. Does Austin cheat? Yes. Does he play fair? No. When it's all on the line, does he get the job done? Oh hell yeah! And that's who I want on my team. I feel safe putting my career in his hands. We may not be the best of friends, but the man backs up what he says. He is without a doubt, the toughest S.O.B. I've ever faced. And the bottom line is, the guy knows how to win. Because people, as much as I love my country, and I do, I love my job. And I'll be damned if I'm going to put my job in jeopardy by teaming with some WWF losers. And any of you people would do the same thing. In fact, how dare you people be upset with me! Hey, I didn't lie. I never said I wasn't defecting. I still have my intensity, my integrity, and my intelligence. ''[camera zooms out revealing Shane McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin standing side-by-side by Angle]'' And now that I'm on the side of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Shane McMahon, I know I'll be employed after Survivor Series. And you fans will still get to see your Olympic hero for a long, long time. Oh, it's true. It's damn true.
:'''Shane McMahon''': Very good. ''[shakes Angle's hand]'' Very good.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': I'm proud of you.
:'''Angle''': Thanks. ''[pats Austin's WWF Championship]''
:'''Austin''': Don't touch.
===November 15===
:'''Paul Heyman''': In just a few moments, at my leisure, I'm gonna call Vince McMahon out to his ring in front of his public on a television show that's owned by his grand company. At least, that is, until this Sunday at Survivor Series. I know how much you people appreciate what Shane and Stephanie and I have done. How Shane and Stephanie and I have stood up to the tyranny of Vince McMahon. And the way it is ladies and gentlemen is quite simple: the World Wrestling Federation will die this Sunday. But don't blame me for that. It's not my fault. I'm not the one who ruined everything that was accomplished by Stone Cold Steve Austin.<br>
:You see, at Survivor Series, it means so much more than just the personalities that are involved. It's about ending what Vince McMahon has tried to accomplish. I sat there at that desk on Monday and I listened to Mick Foley, and I agreed with everything Mick Foley had to say; that the WWF truly does suck! ''[miffed at boos]'' Don't boo me! Have you watched the television show lately? Vince McMahon has lost his mind! The man doesn't have it anymore! He's a has-been. His ideas are antiquated. His concepts are draconian and Mick Foley was right because the WWF is imploding from within. Like every great empire, the WWF is imploding from within. Vince's loyal employees, like Stone Cold, left him, like Mick Foley wants nothing to do with him, Vince's own children want him to burn in Hell, and I don't blame 'em. Vince McMahon will see the WWF die this Sunday at Survivor Series and he has no hope to save his precious company. Vince McMahon has the same chances of saving the WWF as he did of realizing his dream of starting a [[w:XFL (2001)|football league]]! ''[Vince McMahon comes to the ring as Heyman kneels before him, but he stands up]''<br>
:I want you to know that I was down on my knees because I know you're used to men kissing your ass, Vinnie. Every time you walk in the back, there's Patterson and Brisco, 'Oh, what a great idea you had, Vince!' ''[mocks ass-kissing]'' You like men kissing your ass, don't you, Vince? Because that's what you're all about; a billionaire! The billionaire, Vince McMahon! The creator of sports entertainment! I've waited so long to see you face to face like this. And I've waited so long to tell you to your face that I hate your stinking guts but it's not just me, it's your children that hate your stinking guts, Vince, and at Survivor Series, your children are gonna do to you what I've waited my whole life to see someone do to you, Vince. You are, so help me God, the most disgusting, vile, son of a bitch I've ever seen in my life.<br>
:You took Hulk Hogan's blood and you built Titan Towers. You stole Bret Hart's dream, and with that money, bought yourself an airplane with 'WWF' all over it. You did that, and you know it, you son of a bitch! You stole Shawn Michaels' smile, took your company public, and made yourself a billionaire. But not a self-made billionaire, like you like to tell everybody you are, oh no. See, you're a billionaire on other people's hard work. Your father - your father, Vince McMahon - your father went around the country and shook the hand of every... ''[sees Vince's glare]'' You know I'm telling the truth don't you? You know in your heart that I'm telling you the truth... that your father shook the hand of every promoter in this country and swore to them that he'd never compete against them, that his son would never compete against them.<br>
:And when your father DIED, you competed! And with your ruthless, merciless, take-no-prisoners attitude, you drove everybody out of business, didn't you, Vince? You ran all the competition into the ground and you stole all their ideas and you made yourself a billionaire out of it! And you know whose ideas you stole the most, Vince? You stole mine! You see, I don't give a damn about Don Owen and Sam Mushnick and [[w:Jim Crockett Promotions|Jim Crockett]]; I care about what you did to me and my family. How you stole my dreams, how you stole MY legacy, how you stole everything that ECW represented. Because while Doink the Clown had green hair and a rubber nose, Stone Cold Steve Austin was drinking his first beer in ECW, damn you. While Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund were dancing around singing "Tutti Frutti", ECW was producing the edgy TV that you named "[[w:Attitude Era|Attitude]]." 'Oh, we've got Attitude!' You've got nothing, man! What you've got is my ideas and you stole my life, my money, my legacy! ''[throws cap at Vince]'' SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!<br>
:I'll tell you something, your own children hate your guts! And on Sunday, your children are going to get even with you, for everything that you stole from me, from everything you stole from them! You flaunt your affairs in front of your wife! You flaunt your affairs in Playboy for your children to read! You bastard! ''[points to Tazz]'' Look at Tazz! Look at Tazz! This man was a killer, he was a machine! He was a wrestler, a great wrestler, a real man. But wrestling is a dirty word to you, isn't it, Vince? Your father built a wrestling company, and you, you had to have ''[mockingly] sports entertainment''. 'We have to have sports entertainment, ha ha ha!' He was a wrestler, he was a great wrestler, he was a man. And now, he's a fat, little, obnoxious color commentator, and not even a good one! He is a sports entertainer. He is not a wrestler because you made wrestling a dirty word. You made wrestling a dirty word, Vince. What kind of a man are you? What kind of a man takes wrestling and makes it sports entertainment? At Survivor Series, you're going down. You're going down, Vince. I promise you, you're going down, and I'm going to watch it and your children are going to lift their leg, and stand over your grave and we're going to laugh. And you know what else I'm going to do, Vince? I'm going to run your ass out of business. And there's not a damn thing you can do about. I'm feeling good about myself... ''[gets choked out by the Tazzmission]''
===December 6===
:''[The Rock has teased Vince McMahon about kissing Jim Ross' and Trish Stratus' butts, only to be treated at the sight of Rikishi]''
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as Rock holds down Vince]'' I think Rikishi's gonna give it to him!
:'''Jim Ross''': Give it to him! Give it to him!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': No, don't! ''[As Rikishi raises his mawashi to ensure Vince gets the full stinkface]'' He's a billionaire! HE OWNS THIS COMPANY! ''[screams as Rock shoves Vince's face up Rikishi's ass]''
:'''Jim''': Oh Lucifer's lips on the biggest ass in the WWF! Oh hell yeah! ''[stands up as Jerry Lawler blows a raspberry and Rock lets go of Vince]'' Thank God, Thank God! THERE IS... THERE IS A GOD IN THIS WORLD!!
:'''The Rock''': The Rock says, On behalf of the millions, ''[crowd follows up "and Millions!"]'' the Vince McMahon Kiss-Your-Ass Club is officially closed, IF YOU SMELLL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!
:'''Jim''': How does it feel to be humiliated? How does it feel to be humiliated in front of the whole damn world?!! How do you like that?!?!
:'''Jerry''': I think, I think Vince knows what Rikishi ate for dinner! ''[makes mock cough]''
===December 13===
:''[Austin has just beaten up Booker T at the'' Green Frog ''and brought him to the counter]''
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': ''[hearing police sirens; leaves]'' Price check on a jackass!!!
:'''Booker T''': ''[sprawled at the foot of the checkout line; cries]'' I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you... ''[weeps]''
:''[Back at the arena skybox, Ric Flair is laughing at Vince]''
:'''Ric Flair''': ''[to Vince McMahon]'' I think I told you you'd enjoy the show. ''[slaps Vince at the back before he leaves]''
===December 27===
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[observing Vince McMahon and Ric Flair in the middle of the ring]'' Ric Flair is a legend. 14-Time World Champion.
:'''Jerry "The King" Lawler''': ''[overlapping]'' A legend?
:'''Ric Flair''': ''[as McMahon begins to speak, "Just—"]'' Shut up!
:'''Lawler''': Ah! Oh no.
:'''Cole''': Huh ho!
:'''Lawler''': ''[referring to Flair]'' And he's rude, too.
:'''Flair''': On behalf on the entire wrestling world, one of the [[w:New_Year's_resolution|resolutions]] we'd like you to make this year, is if you will ''not'' come out here, week after week, ''continuously'' make an ass out of yourself.
:'''Lawler''': What? What a thing to say!
:'''Vince McMahon''': Now look, I don't want you come out here interrupting me! Let me tell you this: You go too far... I will embarrass you in front of every single person here in this arena.
:'''Lawler''': ''[referring to McMahon]'' And he could do it!
:'''McMahon''': I will knock you on your ass!
:'''Lawler''': ''[reacts]'' Ho ho, yes! You big 14-Time World Champion! Ha ha ha ha ha... that would be fantastic! Yeah! ''Woo'' that!
:'''Flair''': I am going to...take one moment ''[gestures to McMahon]'' from your life, ''[gestures to the crowd]'' and one moment from their life when I want to explain to them why I haven't already knocked you on yours, okay?
:'''Lawler''': Ohhh... here we go!
:'''Flair''': You mentioned the word "tolerant" a while ago. The reason I'm so tolerant of you, and it needs to be said for the whole world to hear, is because ''you'' know my story.
:''[McMahon nods in agreement]''
:'''Lawler''': What's that story? Wha— What's he talking about?
:'''Flair''': ''You'' know, that in 1988, I was having all kinds of problems in [[w:National_Wrestling_Alliance|NWA]]. You called me on the phone, and you said, "Ric Flair, we want you in the World Wrestling Federation." You know what my answer was— ''you'' know what it was? I said, "Vince McMahon, I'm NWA all the way." As a matter of fact, I was at [[w:Orlando Sports Stadium|Eddie Graham Sports Arena]] the next night! Defending the National Wrestling Alliance. So I turned down your offer. A year later, I called ''you'' back on phone: A beaten man. Knowing that I had nowhere to go. Knowing that they had killed my self-confidence. Knowing that I wanted only one more chance to go to work for you.
:'''Lawler''': Hah! He came crawlin'.
:'''Flair''': You know what you said to me? You said, "If you got it? Bring it." And I did.
:'''Lawler''': Hah!
:'''Flair''': And you know what you did? The next month, I found myself at the [[w:Survivor_Series_(1991)|Survivor Series]], with [[w:Hulk_Hogan|Hulk Hogan]], [[w:The_Undertaker|The Undertaker]], [[w:Roddy_Piper|Roddy Piper]], [[w:Ted_DiBiase|Ted DiBiase]]...[[w:Jake_Roberts|Jake The Snake]], ''all the stars''...of the World Wrestling Federation! You made me part of the family. It couldn't get any better. Then you know what you did? You put me in the [[w:Royal_Rumble_(1992)|Royal Rumble]] and I wrestled for one hour, and at the end of that hour I was the World Wrestling Federation Champion. The most ''coveted'' trophy in sports! I knew it, you knew it! I used to walk out on TV every week saying, "NWA is it." I lied, I had a job! I always knew you guys were getting bigger. And I was proud to be there. And I walk into that room, with tears in my eyes, and I said, "Thank you so very much for giving me this opportunity in life." Then, when it couldn't get any bigger, you called me and said, "Ric Flair, you're in the main event at [[w:WrestleMania_VIII|WrestleMania]]! Against the [[w:Randy_Savage|Macho Man Randy Savage]]!"
:'''Lawler''': ''[impressed]'' Wow.
:'''Flair''': [[w:RCA_Dome|I walk in there—]] 75,000 people— the ''biggest'' sporting event in the world! My mother, my father, my wife, all four of my children there to see me, in the main event at WrestleMania! Win, lose or draw I had made it as high as you could possibly go in life! It was unbelievable. It was so good that I stayed 'til everybody was gone. Watched my mom and dad, my wife and my kids get in the limousine, drive off. And I walked down that hallway, towards to my locker room to shower. And I saw you, and you said, "Hey Ric, come here, I need to talk to you!" And I knew you were gonna say, "Ric, you're the greatest wrestler of all time! That was awesome, man!" ''[Flair shakes his head]'' Guess what? You remember what you said to me? ''[McMahon shakes his head]'' You said to me, "Every time you get this close to greatness, you do something ''stupid'' and take a step backwards."
:'''Lawler''': ''[shocked]'' Wow.
:'''Flair''': So for all that you've given me, and God only knows, you put my feet back on Earth in 1991, I have always wanted to ask you one question: '''''WHO ARE YOU TO EVER TELL ME HOW TO WRESTLE!? I'M RIC FLAIR!!! YOU'RE VINCE MCMAHON!!!'''''
:''[Flair hastily takes off his jacket]''
:'''Flair''': '''''WHO ARE YOU!? WHO ARE YOU TO EVER TELL ME HOW TO WRESTLE A MATCH!? YOU MAY BE THE GREATEST PROMOTER OF ALL TIME, BUT YOU WILL NEVER TALK DOWN TO RIC FLAIR ABOUT WRESTLING!!'''''
:'''Lawler''': ''[shocked]'' He's gonna have a stroke! Get out of Mr. McMahon's face! This guy's unstable! Look at him!
:'''Cole''': Emotional.
:'''Lawler''': No, unstable! Look!
:'''Cole''': He's been waiting a decade to get that off his chest, King. Ten years.
:'''Lawler''': Well, he needs to go see some... professional help. ''[sees Flair wiping his sweat]'' Uh oh.
:'''Flair''': ''I am '''SO SICK''' of you placing yourself [raises his arms up] like God Almighty! You're not! Even my own kid, my 13-year old says, "Dad, I saw Mr. McMahon on TV! He's buffed! He's jacked, Dad! He's cool—" '''WHAAAAT!?''' How do you think how I feel? Having my 13-year old kid, knowing who I am, telling me [points to McMahon] you're buffed! It don't work!''
:'''Lawler''': What, the truth hurts?
:'''Flair''': ''So guess what?'' Just to see where I stood in this great company of ours, I went through all the contracts, and I happen to pull one that reads: Vince McMahon, Owner/Wrestler!
:'''Lawler''': Wait a minute, now.
:'''Cole''': ''[confused]'' What's he talking about?
:'''Flair''': That means ''you're [[w:Double_dip|double-dipping]]''! And it also means, that you're going to wrestle at the [[w:Royal_Rumble_(2002)|Royal Rumble]]!
:'''Cole''': What?
:'''Lawler''': Wait a minute! He can't— If he's wrestling—
:'''Flair''': ''1-ON-1!!''
:'''Lawler''': Wait a minute!
:'''McMahon''': Then who's got the balls to step into the ring... with me?
:'''Lawler''': ''[realizing]'' Uh oh...
:'''Flair''': '''''THE NEXT GUY THAT KNOCKS YOU ON YOUR ASS—!!''''' ''[strikes McMahon down to the mat with a right hand]''
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute! A right hand by Flair!
:'''Lawler''': What has he done?!
:'''Flair''': '''''THE NATURE BOY, RIC FLAIR!!! WOOOO!!!'''''
:'''Cole''': King! Flair and McMahon, at the Rumble!?
:'''Lawler''': I can't believe it— look at this!
:'''Ric Flair''': '''''WOOOO!!!'''''
:'''Lawler''': Flair! Ric Flair has sucker-punched the owner of the World Wrestling Federation! Get an ambulance out here!
:'''Cole''': Two of the giants in the sports-entertainment industry! They go head-to-head, King! January 20th, at the [[w:State Farm Arena|Phillips Arena]] in Atlanta! Flair and McMahon!
:'''Lawler''': ''[overlapping on Flair]'' Let me tell you something! Flair has made the biggest mistake of his life!
==2002==
===January 24===
:'''Vince McMahon''': The WWF...is going to die. I know that. The WWF has cancer... because of Ric Flair. Flair's gonna kill it. And the kind of cancer Flair gave the WWF, is the ''slow, eating, kind'' of cancer. It's not quick. I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Me. The WWF is mine. It's mine. I created it! I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Because I'm going to kill what ''I CREATED''! '''''I'M GONNA KILL IT!''''' I'M GONNA KILL ''MY'' CREATION! I'm going to ''inject'' the WWF with a ''lethal'' dose of ''poison''. If anybody's gonna kill my creation, ''I'm'' gonna do it. ''[turns his chair revealing "nWo" on the back]'' ''Me''...and the n...W...o...
===June 6===
:''[Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Triple H have eliminated each other in a battle royal to determine the number one contender for the WWE Undisputed Championship at King of the Ring]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well well well uh, may I have your attention please? Hogan, Triple H, listen up. I mean uh, seems to me we have quite a dilemma here now don't we? I mean, Hogan and Triple H going over the top rope at the very same time with apparently no conclusive proof as to who actually won. So, I ask all of you then, who should face The Undertaker at the King of the Ring? Should it be, should it be Hulk Hogan? ''[crowd cheers]'' Should it be Triple H? ''[crowd cheers]'' Well I can tell you this. I'm not about to allow some hokey okies influencing my decision. ''[crowd boos]'' But I will allow one individual in influence me, as a matter of fact, his name is The Undertaker. You see, during the commercial break, I called The Undertaker at home. But quite frankly, he doesn't give a damn which individual he faces either. Because The Undertaker looks at both Hogan and Triple H, both of you gentlemen, as ''losers''. And why shouldn't he? I mean, let's face it, Hogan, at Judgment Day, The Undertaker defeated you for the Undisputed title. And uh, Triple H, last week here on ''SmackDown!'', The Undertaker beat the holy living hell out of you. So then, who should face The Undertaker for the Undisputed title at the King of the Ring? I'll tell you who it's gonna be. The winner of tonight's one on one encounter between Triple H and Hulk Hogan.
:'''Michael Cole''': Tonight?
:'''McMahon''': Thank you very much.
===July 4===
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing "America the Beautiful" on our nation's birthday, WWE's own, Lilian Garcia!
:'''Lilian Garcia''': ''[singing]'' Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain, for purple mountain majesties, above the fruited plain, America, America, God shed his grace on thee, and crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea. America, America, God shed his --
:'''Lance Storm''': ''[over Garcia's singing]'' Stop the music! Stop the singing! Stop all of this right now! ''[comes down to the ring with Christian and Test as the crowd boos]'' I don't mean to ruin your little birthday celebration. We've had all we can take of this America the Beautiful crap! Lilian, get out of that ring. A matter of fact, get out of this building!
:'''Christian''': Get out of here! ''[Lilian leaves the ring as the crowd boos and chants "USA!"]'' Today, July the 4th. America celebrates Independence Day. Well let me ask you all a question. Do you even know why you're celebrating? Well considering the ignorance of the American youth, you probably think of Independence Day as the day Will Smith saved the world from a bunch of aliens!
:'''Storm''': But let me tell you what really happened. America was founded as British colonies. And in 1776, America declared itself an independent country, and turned its back on Britain! Now that's gratitude for ya. But America could only contain its aggression within its own boundaries for so long. Ultimately, America released its war-like hostilities on the rest of the world. There was World War I, World War II, the Korean War. Tell me America, what right did you have to be in Korea? ''[crowd chants "Asshole!"]'' What right did you have to be in Vietnam? Vietnam, it's a bit of a touchy subject, isn't it? Why? Because you were defeated. You Americans are such hypocrites! You don't like me out here telling you the truth. You don't wanna hear what the rest of the world has to say. It's funny how that contradicts your very own Constitution. The First Amendment speaks of freedom of expression. A freedom of speech. ''[crowd chants "You suck!"]'' But you Americans don't really wanna hear what other countries have to say about you.
:'''Test''': Other countries say America is the most hypocritical nation in the world. The rest of the world hates America. We hate America. So for your birthday, America, dig this.
:'''Christian, Storm, and Test''': AMERICA SUCKS!
===July 18===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Hold on. Never before, never before have I seen such angst, such concern on the faces of WWE superstars. All I did was make one simple announcement last Monday night there'd be a new GM for ''Raw'' and a new GM for ''SmackDown!''. I can say this, to all the superstars on ''Raw'', if you are that concerned, as you think the grass is greener on the other side over here on ''SmackDown!'', you are free to negotiate with the new GM of ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': Who it is.
:'''Vince''': Likewise, all the superstars of ''SmackDown!'', if you think the grass is greener over on ''Raw'', hey you can go ahead and negotiate with ''Raw''{{'}}s new GM. I'm sure many of you thought I lost my mind when I named Eric Bischoff general manager of ''Raw''. I'm sure you have complete control over all of my mental faculties and I know you're thinking, wait a minute, Eric Bischoff tried to put you out of business McMahon. Yeah, he tried. I named Eric Bischoff general manager of ''Raw'' because he's the best person for the job and because he is innovative, and because unquestionably, he enjoys ruthless aggression. Which would then bring us to tonight's announcement, and the announcement of your ''SmackDown!'' general manager. Likewise, this general manager is the best person for the job. Much like Bischoff, this person as well tried to put me out of business, and also has a history of ruthless aggression. The only difference between Bischoff and the new GM of ''SmackDown!'' is I said to the ''Raw'' audience they truly deserve Eric Bischoff as their general manager. I'm not so sure that all of you people, the ''SmackDown!'' audience, actually deserve your new general manager.
:'''Tazz''': Who's it gonna be?
:'''Vince''': So with that in mind, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of ''SmackDown!'', Stephanie McMahon!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa!
:'''Michael Cole''': What?! ''[Stephanie McMahon's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Ho ho! ''[Stephanie McMahon comes out]''
:'''Cole''': You mean, Mr. McMahon's daughter, Stephanie McMahon.
:'''Tazz''': As she's the one, my man! There's only one Stephanie McMahon and you're looking at her. ''[Stephanie shakes hands with Vince]'' She's our new boss! ''[the SmackDown! roster is backstage looking distressed]''
:'''Cole''': The ''SmackDown!'' superstars in the back, I don't think any of them can believe what's going on.
:'''Tazz''': Ruthless aggression. Stephanie McMahon's got ruthless aggression in the bloodline.
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Welcome to my show, ''SmackDown!''. Eric Bischoff is a parasite. Shane was right. But the one thing my brother was wrong about was when he said that he was going to screw Vince McMahon, screw this company, and screw my family because I won't let that happen. And I won't allow Eric Bischoff to steal your ''SmackDown!'' superstars from you. Those superstars include The Rock, they include Hulk Hogan, they include Edge and they include the man who Bischoff says would have made WCW a success. The man who Bischoff knows to be the greatest ring general in the world today. The man who has truly earned the moniker "the game", Triple H.
:'''Cole''': That's her soon to be ex-husband.
:'''Stephanie''': Bischoff claimed that his first official act as the general manager was going to be at Vengeance, when he signed Triple H to ''Raw''. So Bischoff at Vengeance, if you want Triple H to go down to that very ring and choose between ''Raw'' or ''SmackDown!'', I don't have a problem with that, because the egg is gonna be on your face, Bischoff, when you're left standing there and Triple H leaves Vengeance and comes back home to his fans at ''SmackDown!''. Now I am the general manager of ''SmackDown!'' with the full support of Vince McMahon. The same way you, Bischoff, are the general manager of ''Raw''. But the only advantage you have over me Bischoff, is about three days. Now you said your official act, your first official act was going to take place at Vengeance? Well my first official act as general manager of ''SmackDown!'' is gonna take place right now when I throw you the hell out of my building!
===August 15===
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Stupid piece of crap. ''[throws hairpiece as the door knocks]'' Come in! ''[Chris Benoit enters]'' Chris, I can't believe how my staff screwed up, and now you have to defend the Intercontinental title at SummerSlam. Now I know, that you're gonna beat RVD. I know that you're gonna keep the Intercontinental Championship right here on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Chris Benoit''': Oh I'm gonna beat his ass.
:'''McMahon''': I know you will. You're gonna make RVD tap, aren't you?
:'''Benoit''': Oh I'm gonna make him squeal.
:'''McMahon''': You're gonna make RVD tap just like you made The Rock tap two weeks ago! Isn't that right? 'Cause I'm gonna make it up to you, Chris. Tonight, the main event is going to be Chris Benoit versus The Rock!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa ho ho!
:'''McMahon''': And I want you to send a message to RVD through The Rock! I want you to make The Rock tap! I want you to, I want you to make him tap, I want you to make him, make him --
:'''Benoit''': I'm gonna make him moan, I'm gonna make him whimper, I'M GONNA MAKE HIM SQUEAL!
:'''McMahon''': Yeah. So we're on?
:'''Benoit''': So much.
===August 29===
:''[Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle are about to compete in a number one contender's match to the WWE Undisputed Championship]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Allow me to introduce to you, the next competitor, a legendary superstar that I just signed to ''SmackDown!'', ladies and gentlemen, the phenom, The Undertaker!
===September 12===
:''[Kurt Angle comes out to the ring for his match against Rey Mysterio. The crowd chants "you suck" along to his music]''
:'''Michael Cole''': And welcome to the season premiere of ''SmackDown!'', the only place you can see the Olympic gold medalist, Kurt Angle! ''[after Kurt poses and the pyro goes off for his entrance]'' And Kurt Angle on his way to the ring, set for action against Rey Mysterio, and Angle will be a part of ''SmackDown!'' next week in Colorado Springs; who knows what awaits us there!
:'''Tazz''': Well, let's talk about the major media coverage for the season premiere of ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Michael''': That's tonight!
:'''Tazz''': Good job! Billy and Chuck right in the thick of it! They did the ''Today'' show, the tomato, they did Howard Stern - well, they didn't really ''do'' Stern, but they were on his show; they were in the, uh, ''New York Post'', that covers the newspaper in New York, and then the ''USA Today'' which, uh, covers America! ''[singing]'' [[w:America the Beautiful|America, America]]! ''[Michael laughs]''
:''[the crowd boos as Kurt takes the microphone]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': How appropriate! We're here in "[[w:Minneapolis|Mini]]"...and I have a return match with Rey Mysterio! Pretty funny, huh? Get it? Rey Mysterio being "mini" -
:'''Tazz''': Good segue.
:'''Kurt''': - you know, short? Oh, come on, people, that's funny!
:'''Tazz''': I like that bit. I hate short people!
:'''Kurt''': It's a heck of a lot funnier than me gettin' the Stinkface last week! ''[the crowd cheers]'' Oh yeah, people were yuckin' it up then, they thought it was hilarious!
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Kurt''': Well, I'll tell you what's ''not'' gonna be so funny...
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Kurt''': ...what I'm about to do to Rey Mysterio tonight!
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Kurt''': ...you people like Rey Mysterio, huh?
:'''Crowd''': What? ''[cheers]''
:'''Kurt''': That figures...since most of you would benefit from wearing a mask yourselves!
:'''Crowd''': What?
:''[Tazz laughs]''
:'''Kurt''': Oh yeah, you betcha!
:'''Tazz''': "You betcha"? "Betcha"?
:'''Kurt''': And Chris Benoit, if I even ''see'' you laugh at me again... ''[the crowd starts a "you suck" chant]'' ...Chris Benoit, if I even see you laugh at me again...there's gonna be ''two'' holy unions tonight! ''["What?"]'' Billy and Chuck... ''["What?"]'' ...and your face and my fist!
:'''Crowd''': What? ''[boos]''
:'''Kurt''': And Rey Mysterio! I want you to remember one thing! ''["What?"]'' You're a boy... ''["What?"]'' ...in a man's world! ''["What?"]'' And I'm a man who loves to play with boys! ''[suddenly looks confused]''
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Tazz''': What the-?!
:'''Kurt''': No no no, wait a minute, wait a minute, SHUT UP! Hold on, no-no-no-no! Shut up! Hold on a second! Hold on a second! ''[mouthing "shut up" to the cheering crowd]'' What I meant to say...! Listen! ''[the crowd chants "you suck" again]'' Mysterio!! Rey Mysterio, what I meant to say...is you're a boy...and I'm a man! And tonight, I'm gonna love to manhandle you...no, wait a minute!
:''[the crowd cheers as Kurt smacks himself in the head over what he just said; Michael and Tazz both laugh]''
:'''Tazz''': Kurt! Put the mic down...
:'''Michael''': Stop while you're ahead!
:'''Kurt''': Hold on a second, hold on a second...
:'''Tazz''': ''Put the mic down!''
:'''Kurt''': Hold on - shut up! SHUT UP! Shut up! Rey Mysterio! You remember this, pal! You're a boy, and I'm a man! And when you and I get together here tonight, I'm gonna get on top of you, and - no no-! ''[begins jumping up and down in frustration as the crowd cheers again and the hosts continue to laugh]'' Mysterio, get your butt out here, 'cause I'm gonna kick your butt!! ''[finally drops the mic]''
:'''Tazz''' ''[laughing]'': Oh, Kurt! Well, he's a hell of a wrestler, though!
:'''Michael''': The Olympic champion Kurt Angle meets Rey Mysterio, next!
===October 17===
:'''Michael Cole''': Undertaker, we understand this is extremely difficult for you.
:'''The Undertaker''': Of all the things that I've been in my life, I've never been a liar. So I've requested this time so I can get a few things off my chest and set the record straight. When I was accused by this woman of being a cheater, well I lied. I do know her. But I mean, look, I knew a lot of women like her back then. But see, that was years ago. It was a long time ago, YEARS before I ever met my wife, Sara. So to say I was surprised last week when I got to ''SmackDown!'' and here's this woman accusing me of being a cheater, surprised would be an understatement. And man I had to make a judgment call, because all I could see was my pregnant wife sitting at home watching this woman accuse me of being a cheater. Truth is, I haven't seen this woman in about seven years. I don't know what she wants. I don't know if she's been paid off by Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. I don't know, all I know is the last week of my life has been a living hell due to Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. But let me guarantee you two something. The hell that I've been through is nothing, IS NOTHING compared to the hell that I'm gonna put you two through this Sunday in the Cell.
===October 24===
:'''Michael Cole''': Inside the ring here, ''SmackDown!'' general manager Stephanie McMahon, and perhaps Tazz, she'll tell us what she had to give up to acquire The Big Show in the trade.
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Well it's already been one hell of a night on ''SmackDown!'' and we're just getting warmed up! Now I knew I made the right decision when I made the trade for The Big Show because he's already been impressive. But speaking of impressive, check out this trophy right here in the middle of the ring. Because this trophy will be awarded to the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions exclusively for you, on ''SmackDown!''. So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to the first half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, the only Olympic gold medalist in WWE, Kurt Angle!
:'''Cole''': And Kurt Angle has now held all major titles in the WWE. On Sunday, Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit made history, winning the tag team tournament to become the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions.
:'''Tazz''': You know Cole, Kurt Angle's used to gold, he's used to trophies, Kurt Angle's always making history. I'm proud to say that Kurt Angle, one half of the new WWE Tag Team Champions.
:'''McMahon''': And his partner, the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit!
:'''Cole''': Well you know Tazz, later on tonight, we are going to find out who the first challengers will be for the new tag team champions because Edge and Rey Mysterio are gonna meet the Guerreros in a number one contender's matchup.
:'''Tazz''': Well absolutely, that match will be off the hook, as is our tag champs, Angle and Benoit.
:'''Cole''': Look at Kurt Angle. Looks like a father holding the new baby with uh -
:'''Tazz''': How big that trophy is!
:'''Cole''': The new trophy.
:'''Tazz''': It's huge! Look at that! Kurt don't wanna let it go.
:'''Kurt Angle''': Stephanie, I'd just like to say how right you were to force me to set aside my personal differences with Chris Benoit, so I could single-handedly lead my team to victory at No Mercy. Wow! You know who's captain of this team? It is my pleasure to accept this trophy. And I'd like to assure my partner that this trophy will be set aside of my Olympic memorabilia on my wall of fame at home. Oh it's true, it's damn true!
:'''Tazz''': Kurt said it.
:'''Angle''': Woo!
:'''Tazz''': He's the captain of the team Cole!
:'''Cole''': Single-handedly? I think Benoit had something to do with the victory.
:'''Tazz''': The captain!
:'''Chris Benoit''': Angle, the next time you come out here, you leave that Olympic-sized ego of yours back in the locker room. Because I'm here. Everyone knows there's only one captain and that is me. Let's get it straight. We wouldn't have won these titles if it wasn't for me. And you're damn lucky Stephanie made that stipulation between us. 'Cause if she hadn't, I'd have kicked the hell out of your Olympic ass!
:'''Angle''': Listen here, Mr. Toothless Aggression! I won the freakin' match, I did! Therefore, I'm the star, and you're the supporting player! The trophy's mine, all mine, give it to me!
:'''Benoit''': Take your damn hands off that trophy, or you will eat it! So that so? ''[Angle and Benoit fight over the trophy]''
:'''Tazz''': That trophy ain't got a shot. ''[Angle wrestles the trophy away but knocks over McMahon with it]'' No oh man!
:'''Cole''': Well that didn't - that was an accident.
:'''Tazz''': That was an accident. ''[Angle helps McMahon up]'' Stephanie whoa. ''[McMahon slaps Angle in the face]''
:'''Cole''': Bet Kurt's groggy now. ''[Benoit is laughing hysterically at Angle]''
:'''Tazz''': Benoit's laughing his tail off! ''[McMahon slaps Benoit in the face and Benoit looks furiously at McMahon]''
:'''McMahon''': You two are like petulant children! And if the two of you, look what you did to this trophy! If you two can't get along, then we're gonna settle this the old-fashioned way, in the ring. Kurt, tonight, it will be you, Kurt Angle, one-on-one against Chris Benoit.
:'''Tazz''': Oh yeah!
:'''Cole''': But they're partners!
:'''Tazz''': Well that's cool man! That should be a -
:'''McMahon''': And the winner of that match will get to keep this stupid broken trophy! Now both get ready.
:'''Cole''': Well Tazz, not only do we have a number one contender's match tonight to determine who will face the Tag Team Champions, but now the Tag Team Champions are gonna fight amongst themselves! Benoit and Angle, one-on-one tonight!
:'''Tazz''': Only on ''SmackDown!'', you'll see the tag champs collide! And look at that poor trophy!
:'''Cole''': Yeah and the winner of that match gets to keep that poor trophy! All egos are gonna explode tonight.
===November 14===
:'''Marc Lloyd''': Paul. Paul Heyman.
:'''Paul Heyman''': What?
:'''Lloyd''': I was just hoping to get a word on the physical condition of Brock Lesnar.
:'''Heyman''': Why don't you ask me about the physical condition of The Undertaker? I mean, The Undertaker was thrown off the stage by The Big Show three weeks ago, have you heard one from The Undertaker, no! Brock Lesnar got thrown off the stage last week by The Big Show. You wanna know the physical condition of the WWE Champion? Brock Lesnar has a broken rib and he's been coughing up blood all week. The difference between Brock Lesnar and everybody else is, Marc, is that Brock Lesnar will defend the WWE title and he will do it this Sunday at Survivor Series against The Big Show. What Brock Lesnar ''won't'' do though, is show up tonight here on ''SmackDown!''. And that's by doctors' orders and by my orders. ''[turns around and sees Big Show behind him]''
:'''Big Show''': If by some chance, Brock Lesnar shows up here tonight, I want you to know, that I'm calling Brock Lesnar out.
===November 21===
:'''Michael Cole''': And here in the parking garage of the Hartford Civic Center, there is a one-man welcoming committee for the WWE Champion, The Big Show and Paul Heyman.
:'''Tazz''': Lesnar ripped of his title by his agent at Survivor Series.
===December 5===
:'''Chris Benoit''': Tonight, I'm involved in a fatal-four-way elimination match with Kurt Angle, Edge, and Eddie Guerrero. And the winner of this match becomes the number one contender for the WWE title. And that's all I ever wanted, that's all I've ever dreamed of. All the sacrifices that I've ever made. I broke my neck. The numbness I still have. The divorce I went through. The two kids in Edmonton, David and Megan, that I rarely see. My wife that I love, and leave every week, kiss her goodbye, and my baby boy Daniel, that I kiss goodbye every week to go on the road, to do what I do, to do what I love. To be what I wanna be, the WWE Champion. And there's three men standing in my way. Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, and Edge. I've been wrestling for 17 years now, and I'm gonna do everything I know and use everything I have to go through them tonight, to become what I wanna be, what I've always dreamed of being since I've been 3 years old. A champion. The champion. The WWE Champion.
===December 19===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Well, here I am, Kurt Angle! ''[crowd cheers]'' You know, I've been the Tag Team Champion, Intercontinental Champion, King of the Ring, NCAA Champion, World Champion, Olympic gold medalist, and once again your WWE Champion! Woo! But I'm not out here to celebrate. Actually I'm out here to get something off my chest. You see, it may sound a little strange coming from me, but it's true. It's true. You see, all my life, I've earned every title I've set out to win on my own. And this one's different. You see, I'm not so sure I could've beaten The Big Show on my own. I may have, I may not have. But there was one man who lived up to his word, and kept his promise. Then did the right thing when it counted, and I'd like to personally thank him right now. ''[Brock Lesnar's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well it looks like Kurt Angle is gonna be able to personally thank Brock Lesnar in person. ''[Brock Lesnar comes out]'' At Armageddon on Sunday, Brock Lesnar promised to make an impact. And boy, Lesnar made an impact.
:'''Tazz''': Brock Lesnar, as everybody knows, is always impactful. Well this past Sunday at Armageddon, you're right partner. Big time impact.
:'''Cole''': Well Kurt Angle went to Stephanie McMahon, and had the suspension of Brock Lesnar lifted, and Brock Lesnar upheld his end of the bargain.
:'''Angle''': Speaking the devil. You see Brock, I always said I could beat any person on this planet. Any man on this planet. But I'm not so sure I could've beat The Big Show on my own, especially with Paul Heyman in his corner, if it wasn't for you. Now I know you don't want a thank you, I know you don't want a pat on the back, I know Brock. You want something different. You want what every person in this arena wants. You want what every person in this world wants to see. The most anticipated match in WWE history. Kurt Angle versus Brock Lesnar.
:'''Cole''': Oh yeah!
:'''Tazz''': Yeah no doubt, no doubt! That'll be off the hook!
:'''Angle''': One on one for the WWE Championship, am I right? Well Brock, I'm a man of my word, and I said if I won this title, you'd be the first one to get the title shot. So here it goes Brock. NCAA Champion versus Olympic gold medalist. The match that everyone wants to see, the most anticipated match in the world. Brock, you earned it. Anytime, anywhere, any place. You name it.
:'''Brock Lesnar''': I'm glad you feel that way Kurt. Because I want that match, here tonight in Tampa! ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Angle''': That sounds incredible, Brock. That sounds good to me. But it's not gonna happen.
:'''Cole''': What? ''[crowd boos]''
:'''Angle''': You see Brock, I'm a little banged up as it is, but more importantly, I already have a match scheduled with Chris Benoit, non-title match. 'Cause I promised you the first title match. And Brock it's already been signed, my hands are tied. My hands are tied. But listen to me, listen to me. No one in this company, no one on this planet can understand the sacrifice and dedication to be the best in the world more than me. So if it's a title shot you want Brock, it's a title shot you want. The match everyone wants to see, Kurt Angle versus Brock Lesnar, next week on ''SmackDown!'', what do you say?
:'''Cole''': Imagine Tampa won't like it, well they'll be happy in Tulsa.
:'''Angle''': Brock, Brock I said you'll get your first, Brock you get the first title shot. It'll be next week on ''SmackDown!''. What do you say Brock? You earned it. ''[extends his hand, and after several seconds, Lesnar shakes Angle's hand]''
===December 26===
:'''Justin Roberts''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', Stephanie McMahon!
:'''Michael Cole''': And Stephanie McMahon, Tazz, has had a busy week reviewing that disturbing incident, which occurred when ''SmackDown!'' went off the air last week. It was between Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, and could have major ramifications on the WWE title picture.
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Now, you all just saw a graphic for the WWE Championship, a match between Kurt Angle and The Big Show tonight. ''[crowd cheers]'' Unfortunately, that match is not going to take place. ''[crowd boos]'' And it's all due to Brock Lesnar. See, what you all don't know is what Brock Lesnar did to Kurt Angle after ''SmackDown!'' went off the air last week. Kurt Angle will not be able to compete tonight. As a matter of fact, Kurt Angle might not even be able to compete until the Royal Rumble. But I'm not gonna sit here and explain to you all what happened to Kurt Angle. I'm gonna show you the footage later tonight. Now, as far -- ''[Big Show's music plays]''
:'''Cole''': Well this is indeed a surprise. The former WWE Champion, The Big Show, on his way out here.
:'''Tazz''': This has the makings of the possibility of an explosion whenever the big angry giant known as The Big Show comes out to the ''SmackDown!'' ring.
:'''Cole''': You saw Big Show now part of this mob that Paul Heyman and Kurt Angle are involved in. Paul Heyman the agent, Big Show and Kurt Angle, the clients. A rather formidable group, to say the least. But what brings The Big Show out here now?
:'''McMahon''': Well, thanks for interrupting me, Show, uh, but where's your mouthpiece? Where's your agent Paul Heyman?
:'''Big Show''': Stephanie, Paul's not here yet. And I want to speak to you myself.
:'''McMahon''': So you came out here and uh, interrupted me and couldn't wait and speak to me in my office like everybody else?
:'''Big Show''': You know, Steph, I didn't feel like waiting. I just heard that Kurt Angle might not be able to defend his WWE Championship until Royal Rumble? I didn't hear you name me as Kurt Angle's opponent. Now I'm sure that was just an oversight, right? I'm sure you meant to make that match, right, Stephanie?
:'''McMahon''': Show, everything I do, I do for a reason. And unless you wanna wind up suspended like Brock Lesnar was, then I suggest you BACK OFF!
:'''Tazz''': Wow! Gutsy broad.
:'''McMahon''': Now, Paul Heyman did name you as the number one contender to face Kurt Angle last week. But I am the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', not Paul Heyman. And I think you need to earn your title shot. Therefore tonight, you will compete in a number one contender's match, the winner of which to face Kurt Angle at Royal Rumble. So tonight's match, Big Show, will be you versus Chris Benoit.
:'''Cole''': Tonight?!
:'''Tazz''': That's big! And I think that's fair!
:'''Big Show''': Chris Benoit? Chris Benoit, that little toothless wonder can't hold a candle to me! I'm 7 foot tall, I'm 500 pounds! ''[Chris Benoit's music plays]'' I'm --
:'''Cole''': Uh-oh! There is Chris Benoit!
:'''Tazz''': No fear, no intimidation. That's the wolverine.
:'''Cole''': And The Big Show has taken his jacket off. The Big Show and Chris Benoit set to meet later tonight, could explode right here, right now!
:'''Tazz''': And it's well-documented how bad Chris Benoit wants to be the WWE Champion.
:'''Chris Benoit''': You have absolutely no idea what I am capable of, Big Show. And don't even think for a second that I forgot about when you Chokeslammed me last week. You know the only thing stopping me from breaking your damn neck right now is our match tonight. Last week, I made Kurt Angle tap, just like I'm gonna make you tap tonight. And you want to be the number one contender for the WWE title?
:'''Big Show''': Listen, Benoit. I'm a giant. And obviously, you're not. And the only chance in hell you have of beating me is to take me from my size all the way down to your size, and I don't see that happening. ''[Benoit low blows Big Show]''
:'''Cole''': Oh!
:'''Tazz''': Oh ho ho ho ho ho!
:'''Cole''': That's a way to do it! A low blow to The Big Show!
:'''Tazz''': Oh very low, very low blow! And look at that grin, look at the grin on Benoit's face. And look at the grimace in pain on The Big Show's face!
:'''Cole''': It looked like a gut shot from Chris Benoit! The Rabid Wolverine with a first strike here tonight, sending The Big Show a little message for later on!
:'''Tazz''': Chris Benoit's got that vicious, vicious attitude. Big Show might be in trouble.
:'''Cole''': It's Show and Benoit to determine the number one contender for the title tonight!
== 2003 ==
===January 16===
:'''Dawn Marie''': A week ago, I was the happiest woman in the world, and married my sweetheart, Al Wilson. We were on our honeymoon, everything was so perfect. Now, Al's passed. He's gone. And despite all the jealousy, and all the interference of some of his family members, Al and I, we still fell in love. I loved Al Wilson so much. Al was a good man. He loved all that public attention. And that's why our wedding was public. And that's why our honeymoon was public. So tonight, I, Dawn Marie Wilson, will respect his wishes, and I will present to you, the public viewing of my husband, Al Wilson.
===January 23===
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Tonight marks a very special edition of ''SmackDown!'', because tonight, one of the greatest superstars in WWE history returns to ''SmackDown!''. That's right ladies and gentlemen, tonight, the phenom, The Undertaker! But that's not all. Eric Bischoff wants to drop a bombshell and invite Stone Cold Steve Austin to ''Raw''? Well tonight, I have a bombshell of my own. Ladies and gentlemen, stay tuned for a big surprise.
===January 30===
:'''Vince McMahon''': All right, don't start that crap! I'LL WALK RIGHT OUT OF HERE! Last week, my daughter, Stephanie, said she had a, a big surprise for everybody on ''SmackDown!''. Boy did she ever, that was a whopper. Stephanie announced the return of Hulk Hogan. ''[crowd cheers]'' I know that uh, a lot of you people were surprised and certainly, I was surprised as well because all of a sudden, there I found myself in the ring, standing next to the Hulkster himself. ''[crowd cheers]'' Even though I could tell that Hulk Hogan was intimidated by my presence, I tried to be nice to him. Although quite frankly, I made a statement that may have been a bit inaccurate. ''[crowd chants "Asshole"]'' And I would appreciate it if you people would be nice to me. Last week, I explained to Hogan that I thought Hulkamania was a lot like the recently departed Al Wilson, that they were both dead. All right. I was wrong. How do you like that? Hulkamania's not dead. ''[crowd cheers]'' But I think most of you would agree with me, my personal assessment of Hulkamania, even though it's not dead, Hulkamania is on ''life support''. ''[crowd boos]'' And it is because of each and every one of you, that Hulkamania still lives, is because each and every one of you, who blow your hot air into the respirator of Hulkamania that keeps Hulk Hogan's lifeless body alive! ''[crowd cheers]'' But you know, you people don't know who you're cheering for, you don't know Hogan. You don't know him like I know him. Let me tell you that. I know Hulk Hogan better than anyone alive. As a businessman, Hogan is a cold, calculating, manipulative, man-eating predator. But as a human being, as a human being, Hogan is a depraved, twisted, blood-sucking bottom feeder. ''[crowd boos]'' Hogan is so practiced in the art of deception, that you people actually believe in him. ''[crowd cheers and chants "Hogan"]'' I don't get it, I, I don't understand it. I, I don't get it, I don't get the red and the yellow. I, I don't understand that. I don't get the, the training and taking your vitamins and saying your prayers and all that crap. I don't get this "Hulkamania will live forever" stuff. I'm sorry, I don't get it. See, Hulkamania may still be barely alive, but mark my words, I, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I will kill it. ''[crowd boos]'' You people are so gullible. Hogan himself doesn't believe what he said. He didn't believe that crap! And neither should you! ''[crowd chants "Asshole"]'' Listen, Hogan, Hogan owes me. ''[points to the audience]'' Each and every one of you people, you owe me as well. I created Hulkamania! You people owe me. Hogan owes me! How, how dare Hulk Hogan, last week to walk into my ring? How dare Hulk Hogan to challenge me to a match? ''[crowd cheers]'' How dare Hulk Hogan strike me down with a sucker punch? ''[crowd cheers]'' And how dare each and every one of you cheering Hogan on supporting him for doing it? ''[crowd cheers, then chants "Hogan"]'' All right, Hogan. Hogan wants an answer to his challenge to me? You people want an answer from me as it relates to Hogan's challenge? ''[crowd cheers]'' Well I'll tell you the way it's gonna go down. There's no way out for the Hulkster. No no. There's no way out. Because at No Way Out, in one corner, you'll have Hulk Hogan and all his Hulkamaniacs. ''[crowd cheers]'' By God, in the other corner, you'll have none other than...The Rock! ''[crowd cheers]'' So, what ya gonna do, Hulk Hogan? What ya gonna do, Hulkster? What ya gonna do at No Way Out when The Rock runs wild on you?
===February 27===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well I got some bad news for you tonight! That's all right, because not only do I have bad news for you, also I have some good news for you. And the bad news is that tonight, The Rock, The Rock will not be here tonight. Whoa whoa whoa ho, the reason The Rock won't be here tonight is because The Rock himself has earned the right to go to whatever show he wants to go, whenever he wants to go. So therefore The Rock has chosen to leave ''SmackDown!'' and go to ''Raw''. Now then the good news. No no no no, this is good, hang on. This is really good. That tonight, Hulk Hogan, ''[crowd cheers]'' the Hulkster himself will not be here tonight! ''[crowd boos]'' Little disappointed in that, are you? Not as disappointed as I am. Hogan is using the flimsy excuses to why he's not here tonight. He's using the flimsy excuse, ''[crowd chants "asshole"]'' Hogan is using the flimsy excuse of a family emergency. Yeah. Imagine that one, that's a whopper huh? Something to do with his son. Nick, I think that's his name. Whatever the hell his name is, Nicolas. Is Nicolas short for, it really doesn't matter, because let's face it. There's only one reason why Hulk Hogan is not here tonight. And it's real simple. Read my lips, Hulk Hogan is a coward. ''[crowd boos]'' Hulk Hogan is afraid of me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. The hell he's not. It started about a month ago when Hogan challenged me to a match. Hey look, it's like this Hogan. Hogan, you don't screw with me, Hogan. Oh no. You see, ''[crowd chants "Hogan"]'' Shut up when I'm out here! You don't screw with me Hogan. I screw with you. And boy did I ever screw him huh? Ho ho! I screwed Hogan royally at No Way Out. Oh I'm damn proud of it, yes I am. You see, it went down like this. Hogan and Rock in the match. Hogan drops the big leg down on The Rock, hooks up The Rock, one, two and then, literally, the lights went out on Hulk Hogan. And when the lights came up, there's a bewildered Hogan standing in the ring and like The Rock's down, and the referee's down, what's going on and all of a sudden, down coming from the ramp is me to confront Hulk Hogan. And as Hogan, as Hogan is confronting me, little does he see, the appointed official, the appointed official, ladies and gentlemen, who I might add is a Canadian just like all of you. ''[crowd cheers]'' This Canadian, behind the Hulkster's back, slides the chair over to The Rock, who picks it up and then bam, Hogan goes down like one great big blivet. And then The Rock gives the Rock Bottom to Hulk Hogan and then the one, two, three. And if you don't believe me, if you don't believe everything I just said tonight, we're breaking tradition. Tonight you'll see it for yourself. Tonight ladies and gentlemen, you'll see the world broadcast premiere of exactly what I just described. And after you've seen it, after you've seen this footage, then you will agree with me unquestionably that tonight, it will be official. Hulkamania is dead. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. But there's a new mania here in the WWE. Oh yeah! There's a new mania, and that new mania is simply this. McMahonamania is running wild!
===March 6===
:''[Hulk Hogan comes out to address the crowd, two weeks removed from his match at No Way Out]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Hulk Hogan!
:'''Michael Cole''': We had the opportunity to run into Hulk Hogan earlier today, and Hogan was steaming! And who can blame the man? Two weeks ago at No Way Out, Hulk Hogan was screwed by Mr. McMahon in Hogan's match versus the Rock.
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You guys are unbelievable, man. ''[the crowd cheers]'' You know, in all seriousness, I've got something I gotta get off my chest. You know, Vince McMahon, I've had it, brother. I am totally through with you. I'm tired of biding my time; I'm tired of playing games with you, McMahon. You know, I know you'd love it if I just walked right out of this very ring and walked out of your life, brother. I'd be gone forever. But that's not gonna happen, Vince! I'm just not going away, dude! You know, you can go ahead, McMahon, and screw me out of my match with the Rock, you can go ahead and call me a coward behind my back when I'm not around, you can run all over the whole WWE, McMahon, and say, "McMahonamania is running wild!" ''[the crowd boos]'' But you know something, Vince? That doesn't change one damn thing, brother. There's an issue between you and me, McMahon - and it goes longer than 20 years, brother. And there's only one way to settle it, Vince. I know how to do it, ''[indicating the crowd]'' they know how to do it, brother! You know exactly what it's all about...so all I gotta say, Vince, is get your ass out here right now, and let's settle this like men!
:'''Michael''': Whoa! Hogan has called out...
:'''Hogan''': Come on, Vince, let's settle this like men!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Mr. McMahon's music hits and he comes out]'': ...Mr. McMahon, and he won't have to wait long!
:'''Tazz''': Well, Vince McMahon will not disappoint!
:'''Michael''': Mr. McMahon did indeed call Hulk Hogan a coward last week.
:'''McMahon''': Shut the damn music off! ''[his music stops as the crowd boos]'' I got no problem settling an issue with you at any time, at any place, Hogan. Just for the record. No problem at all. ''[the crowd starts an "asshole" chant]'' Oh, really? ''[pointing] There's'' the asshole, right there in the ring, right there, there's the asshole! I got no problem settling an issue with you, Hogan, any time, any place; I do have a problem, however, doing it as men because quite frankly, you're not a man. ''[the crowd boos] I'm'' the only man of the two. Matter of fact, Hogan, you're not a man at all; you're just a mere ''shell'' of a man. And you know it when you look in the mirror. I can't believe that you would call me out here, Hogan - after all I've done for you, after all the-
:'''Hogan''': Would you shut your damn mouth?! I'm tired of your crap, McMahon! ''[the crowd cheers]'' You know, week after week, you come out here, Vince, and you say how you hate Hulkamania! You come out here and you say how you created Hulkamania! Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah! Well, you know something, McMahon? You're either delusional, you either got hit in the head with a damn hammer, or you're either a straight-out liar, McMahon, because you had nothing to do with creating Hulkamania; you had nothing to do with it at all - you did not create Hulkamania! Hulkamania was a success in spite of you, not because of you; Hulkamania lives forever because of all these Hulkamaniacs! ''[indicating the crowd, who cheers]'' And you know, McMahon? The fact that ''I'' had something to do with building this company just makes you sick! The fact that I am the one that put this company on the map and helped you make it what it is today, that makes you sick to your stomach, brother! Yeah! And all those Learjets that you have, all those billions of dollars, the houses that your kids live in, the 20-million-dollar vacation home in Boca-
:'''McMahon''': Whoa whoa whoa whoa, just shut up!
:'''Hogan''': - that's all because of these maniacs!
:'''McMahon''': Shut up!
:'''Hogan''': Kiss my ass! ''[beckons McMahon to the ring]''
:'''McMahon''': Let me tell you something...I think you're starting to believe in your own bullshit, Hogan. I could've had anybody play the part of Hulk Hogan; I could've had anybody bring Hulkamania-
:'''Hogan''': Hold on one second, McMahon! You actually think anybody could've ran with Hulkamania? Look at all the guys you gave the ball to; look at all the guys that had the belt! Look at all the guys that ran to the goal line; nobody ran as hard and as long as I did, McMahon! If you actually think, if you actually think I was just the right guy at the right place, at the wro - at the right time...let me say it one more time so you completely understand, McMahon...if you actually believe in your mind, if you actually think that I was just the right ga - guy, at the right place, at the right time, well then, you're a bigger delusional bastard than I thought you were, McMahon! And you know something? I had a match with you a couple of - I had a...you know what I say right now, McMahon, right now we just settle this because, I had a match with the Rock a couple of weeks ago, and you were the one I wanted to get in the ring. You were the one that I was supposed to have a match with a couple of weeks ago, and you put the Rock in your place, brother. You say you're a man?...well, then I say prove it, Vince. Get in this ring with me right here tonight!
:'''McMahon''': You wanna have a match with me tonight? Let me respond to that by saying: there's no chance in hell. ''[the crowd boos]'' Let me also respond, Hogan, by saying...that you know, you think about all the things I've done for you, Hogan, all the things my family has done for you, Hogan. Let me say this: you claim that I hate Hulkamania; you're wrong. I don't hate Hulkamania; I don't even hate the Hulkamaniacs. No, I don't. But just for the record, Hogan...I hate ''you''. And I'll tell you why I hate you, Hogan: I hate you because I created you and you turned your back on me; you walked out on me, Hogan! I hate you because you left me, you went down south and joined up with Ted Turner, and you competed against me; I hate you for that! I hate you because you tried to put me out of business, and you know damn well you did! And something else I hate you before, and this is more personal than anything, something else I hate you for, Hogan, is this: you testified against me for the federal government in the trial of my life, and you know damn well you did-
:'''Hogan''': Whoa, hold on a second, McMahon! If it wasn't for my testimony - I saved your ass - you'd have went to prison, and if it wasn't for me, your big ass would still be rotting in prison. And you talk about screwing people, if you were in prison, the word "screw" would have a whole 'nother word.
:'''McMahon''' ''[incensed]'': You son of a bitch. My family gave you your first break. My family gave you your name, Hogan! I plucked you from obscurity from some little town in Minnesota; I made you a, a household name, I made you a part of the fabric of Americana, and this is the thanks I get? You think I owe you something? I don't owe you a damn thing, but pal, you owe ''me''; I can tell you right now, you owe me, and I'm gonna collect! You want a match with me? You're not gonna have a match, Hogan. But you know what you're gonna have, Hogan? You're gonna have a fight! And I dare say to you, it's the first real fight you've ever been in, Hogan! And I'll tell you where this fight is gonna take place - on the biggest stage our industry knows today, yet another one of my creations, known as WrestleMania; that's where this fight is gonna take place!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa!
:'''McMahon''': Oh, but wait, Hogan, there's one stipulation. And that stipulation goes like this: not if, but ''when'' you lose your fight to me at WrestleMania, Hogan, and I want this in writing cause your word's no good, I want it in the contract, that you will never, ever again wrestle as long as you live! Just like I said, Hogan, I created Hulkamania, and by God, at WrestleMania, I'm gonna kill it! So what's your answer, Hogan? Yes, or no?
:'''Hogan''': Yes or no? Yes or no?? Well, hell ''yes''! I've been waiting for this my whole life! And you know something, McMahon? All my life, I've been waiting for this.
:'''McMahon''': So have I.
:'''Hogan''': And I've got one question for you: what you gonna do, McMahon? Whatcha gonna do-
:'''McMahon''': Ah, cut the crap, no-no! What YOU gonna do when McMahon kills-
:'''Hogan''': Oh, cut the crap, McMahon! You're right, this is no time for catchphrases. But because of you, there's one that still holds true. And that is, you better start training, you better start eating your vitamins, and you better start saying your damn prayers, McMahon!
===March 13===
:''[Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle are arriving at the arena before the show]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Earlier today, the arrival at the Mellon Arena of the challenger, the confident number one contender, Brock Lesnar. ''[cuts to Kurt Angle with Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin in tow]'' A bit later on, a somber homecoming for the champion, a concerned Kurt Angle.
:'''Tazz''': You're looking at a man in a trance. Is it focus or is it fear?
:'''Agent''': How ya doing Kurt? ''[Angle looks at him and doesn't say anything]''
:'''Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a match tonight and the WWE title is on the line. WrestleMania has come early. It's Lesnar versus Angle tonight!
===March 27===
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You damn right, Vince McMahon fears Hulkamania! You know, I've had a business relationship with Vince McMahon for over 20-some years. And off and on again, we've been the best of friends. Well you know, I realized I didn't really know the man. Oh sure, I've seen Vince do some pretty underhanded business tactics. You know I've seen him do some, you know, kind of unsavory and quite frankly, some illegal things too, brothers. But I really didn't realize how mentally twisted Vince McMahon really is. And you know, some of us out here think Vince McMahon might be a genius. ''[crowd boos]'' Well you know, maybe he is a genius. But if he is, he's an evil damn genius. You know, just last month at No Way Out, I was going one on one with The Rock, and right when I dropped the leg on The Rock for the 1-2-3, all of the sudden, the lights in the whole damn arena went out. And when the lights came back on, there was The Rock laying right where the leg drop left him, but on the other side of the ring, there was the referee. And as I looked around to see what was really going down, all of a sudden, here come Vince McMahon, power walking down the damn ramp. Well you know something maniacs? I knew something had gone awry, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Not until after the match, that I completely realized this was some huge evil plan by Vince McMahon himself. And I guess maybe I should've been better prepared last week. I should've known that Vince McMahon wouldn't come out here in public and sign a contract with me, one on one for WrestleMania, but I had no idea that Vince McMahon would stoop to the depths he stooped to last week. And when it was all said and done, Vince McMahon made me sign the contract for WrestleMania in my very own blood, brothers. ''[crowd boos]'' So when the attorneys called me up and said, "Vince McMahon wants to make this a street fight." I was so damn mad I said, "Oh hell yeah! Let it be a street fight!" ''[crowd cheers]'' But now that I've had time to reflect, I realized I really don't know this evil man. And I have to ask the Hulkamaniacs the question. Should I have put my career on the line at WrestleMania? Well you know something maniacs, maybe I shouldn't have put my career on the line at WrestleMania. But I did, and I will, because I'm a man of my word. And I know in my heart, I know in my heart with Hulkamania running wild, this won't be my last time on ''SmackDown!'', damn it! ''[crowd cheers]'' I know in my heart that this match with Vince McMahon won't be my last damn match, brothers! ''[crowd cheers]'' Because I know physically I can beat Vince McMahon in a fight. ''[crowd chants "Hogan"]'' I know like I said, I can beat Vince McMahon in a fight. But this isn't gonna be any ordinary fight. This is gonna be a fight that's been brewing for over 20 years, maniacs. This is gonna be a fight like you've never seen before. And you're also gonna see a Hulk Hogan like you've never seen before! Because you're gonna have to. When you step in the ring with a man that will do anything to end your career, you gotta be ready to step up to plate and reach all new highs, and you also gotta be ready to dig in the gutter and reach all lows. Whether this is gonna be my last match, whether Hulk Hogan is making his last stand, and whether Hulkamania is gonna live forever, I really don't know, maniacs. But there is one thing that I know damn it! That at WrestleMania, when Hulkamania's running wild, I promise you that I will leave Vince McMahon laying in a pool of his very own blood, brothers!
===May 1===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': You know, last Sunday, I went through one hell of a match. One hell of a fight with John Cena at Backlash. I like fights. Kudos to John Cena. He gave me one hell of a fight. One hell of a fight he did. But I'm not here tonight to talk about that. You see, there's something else that happened that night that really disturbs me. You see, I came out here tonight. I'm looking for another fight. Big Show.
:'''Tazz''': Uh-oh.
:'''Lesnar''': That's right, Big Show. I came here tonight looking for a fight with you. You see Big Show, what you did to Rey Mysterio at Backlash, gutless. That's what I call it. Gutless! So I gotta ask you Show. I gotta ask you. From me to you. Why? Why Big Show? Did it make you feel, did it make you feel better, Show? Did it make you feel like a bigger giant than you are? Seven feet two, 500 pounds? You feel like a bigger human being, Show? Or was it, Show, that you realized that Rey Mysterio had a bigger heart than you? Is that what it was? Big Show, you can run all over the mat, you can run all over the locker room, you can come in this ring and bully anybody you want, but I ain't standing for it! You want to bully somebody, Big Show? Why don't you bring your big giant slobbery ass down to this ring and try to bully Brock Lesnar?
:'''Tazz''': Oh boy!
:'''Lesnar''': That's right Show! Bring your big giant ass down here so you can feel the pain! ''[Big Show's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh we're going, we're going Cole!
:'''Michael Cole''': Here we go!
:'''Tazz''': Oh it's go time! ''[Big Show comes out]''
:'''Cole''': The Big Show has been called out by Lesnar! Because the WWE Champion, you're the leader of the locker room. Brock Lesnar acting like that leader tonight. Echoing many of the sentiments of the other superstars.
:'''Big Show''': Bully someone? Bully someone is what you're talking about?! Bully? Listen, Rey Mysterio, he had exactly what he deserved coming to him, just like you're gonna get it too. You calling me out for a fight? Remember, I'll beat your ass just like I did at Survivor Series. Oh no no no. I'm not stepping in that ring until you put that WWE Championship on the line.
:'''Lesnar''': You want my title Show?
:'''Big Show''': Yeah!
:'''Lesnar''': You want this title?
:'''Big Show''': Yeah!
:'''Lesnar''': Come and get it!
===June 12===
:''[Brock Lesnar is defending the WWE Championship against Big Show]''
:'''Tazz''': Big Show's in a land where he doesn't belong, on those ropes.
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[Lesnar punches Big Show on the top rope]'' And Brock Lesnar looks to take advantage.
:'''Tazz''': Here comes Brock now. Here comes Brock. ''[Lesnar climbs the top rope]''
:'''Cole''': The champion...
:'''Tazz''': Oh whoa.
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute.
:'''Tazz''': No.
:'''Cole''': Oh my God. ''[Lesnar punches Big Show]''
:'''Tazz''': No!
:'''Cole''': Lesnar with the, the clubbing blows to the back!
:'''Tazz''': No freaking way! ''[Lesnar prepares to suplex Big Show off the top rope]''
:'''Cole''': Is he setting Big Show up for?!
:'''Tazz''': A superplex!
:'''Cole''': No he can't do this!
:'''Tazz''': That's a 500-pound superplex!
:'''Cole''': Brock Lesnar to the top rope!
:'''Tazz''': No! Top rope! A 500-pound superplex! ''[Lesnar suplexes Big Show off the top rope, and the ring collapses on impact]''
:'''Cole''': A superplex!
:'''Tazz''': Holy --
:'''Cole''': Oh my God!
:'''Tazz''': Holy (beep)!
:'''Cole''': What the hell?! The ring just imploded! The ring blew up!
===July 3===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Good evening. My name is Vincent Kennedy McMahon. And tonight, finally, once and for all, I will personally seal the fate of Mr. America. And tonight, I present to you a special, two-on-one matchup, in which my daughter, Stephanie McMahon, teams up with the one-legged Zach Gowen. And collectively, they will face the mighty Big Show, in what will truly be, the first-ever ''handicap'' match.
===August 21===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Brock, I told you straight to your face before Vengeance, friend or not, I would stop at nothing to regain this WWE Championship. ''[crowd cheers]'' And Brock, I don't apologize for beating you. Because you know something? You know as well as I do, this title is what I live for. And I thought you could appreciate that, but I guess I thought wrong. Well Brock it's like this. I didn't come out here tonight to have some elaborate revenge plan like you did with Vince McMahon. And you know why? Because I don't need some punked up 58-year old whack job billionaire to do my battles for me! I fight my battles on my own! And Brock, I will get my revenge. But I'm gonna do it the old fashioned way. By finding you and kicking your ass! It's that simple. Now Brock I know we have a match this Sunday at SummerSlam for the WWE Championship, and that's okay. Because I didn't come here tonight for a match. I came here for a fight! I wanna fight against Brock Lesnar! I wanna fight against Vince McMahon! Hell, I'll fight Brock and Vince at the same time! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! But I want a fight tonight, and I'm not going anywhere until I get one!
:'''Michael Cole''': Kurt Angle means business.
:'''Tazz''': Man, intense! Totally intense is the WWE Champion.
:'''Cole''': Is the owner and -- ''[Mr. McMahon's music plays]'' wait a minute! ''[Mr. McMahon comes out]''
:'''Tazz''': Well the boss ain't hard to find.
:'''Cole''': I don't think those comments were too flattering that towards Mr. McMahon by Kurt a few moments ago. You know, Mr. McMahon's ego, he won't let those comments fly.
:'''Mr. McMahon''': Ha ha ha ha ha.
:'''Cole''': Be called a whacked out billionaire?
:'''McMahon''': How about that huh? Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle shows up looking for a fight tonight. I'm impressed! Oh yeah, I'm impressed! But you see something Kurt, ''[crowd chants "asshole"]'' you people are pathetic.
:'''Angle''': No they're not Vince, I think they're calling you an (bleep).
:'''McMahon''': You see Kurt, it's not about what you want. In this business it's not about what you want. I don't give a damn what you want. In this business it's not about what these people want. I don't give a damn about these people. ''[crowd boos]'' In this business it's about one thing. It's about what I want. And what I want you to do is to listen up, Kurt. Yeah because quite frankly, I want you to understand this, there will be no fight between you and Brock Lesnar tonight. ''[crowd boos]'' And furthermore there will be no fight assuredly between you and me tonight. That's not gonna happen either.
:'''Angle''': Oh is that right? Is that right Vince? Why don't you come to the ring and tell me to my face, you stupid son of a (beep)! ''[McMahon angrily walks to the ring]''
:'''Tazz''': Whoa whoa whoa, here comes the boss! ''[McMahon stops halfway through]''
:'''McMahon''': Wait a minute. No wait a minute. I just saved your career right there pal, okay? You're gonna thank me later on, 'cause I know what you're all about, you see? If I were to go face to face with you in that ring, you would do something you would regret for the rest of your life. You know what that is? These are my rules, not yours, not theirs. You see Kurt, if you so much as lay a hand on me or Brock Lesnar tonight, hell if you come anywhere near me or Brock Lesnar prior to SummerSlam, then Kurt, you are subject to immediate suspension. ''[crowd boos]''
:'''Tazz''': Wow.
:'''McMahon''': Oh yeah! You're subject to me stripping you of the title prior to SummerSlam! You come anywhere near either me or Brock Lesnar, hell I'll fire your ass pal! These are my rules, not yours, and by my rules, since you're so anxious to get into action here tonight, I'm gonna provide you with an opponent. Someone that uh, will give you like a little tune-up match prior to SummerSlam. Don't worry about this guy, he, he's only 500 pounds. He's only seven feet tall.
:'''Tazz''': Oh no.
:'''McMahon''': He's only The Big Show! ''[Big Show's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': God! ''[Big Show comes out]''
:'''Cole''': A tune-up match?!
:'''Tazz''': That's a big tune. Oh my god!
:'''Cole''': You've gotta be kidding me!
:'''McMahon''': Hey Kurt, as the old expression, be careful what you wish for? You just might get it pal.
:'''Angle''': Hey Vince! Hold on a second. You think that's what I want? A match? Let me explain this to you very slowly so you can understand, because you are a stupid son of a (beep). ''[McMahon tries to go to the ring but Big Show holds him back]'' I want a FIGHT! And I'm not going anywhere until I get one! You say you're gonna give me a match with The Big Show later on tonight? Well I say screw that! I wanna fight The Big Show and uh, I'm gonna do it right now.
<hr width=50%>
:''[after Brock Lesnar has brutally attacked Zach Gowen]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, tragedy has struck ''SmackDown!'', one of the most courageous people I've ever met, Zach Gowen, the victim of a sickening, premeditated assault by Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar conducting this assault on Zach Gowen in front of Gowen's family. In front of his own mother, Colleena. You can hear Colleena in the background.
:'''Tazz''': Well that's exactly what Lesnar does, he puts Zach Gowen. Look at how Lesnar does it. God you see his, Zach Gowen's knee just torqued right around that steel post.
:'''Cole''': And that wasn't enough, this sick excuse for a human being, Brock Lesnar wouldn't even allow the paramedics to carry Zach Gowen out of this arena. You know, ladies and gentlemen, every week, we're paid to come out here and be unbiased. To describe the action, to explain to you what's going on and not take sides. But, tonight I gotta break tradition. What we saw moments ago was absolutely ridiculous, and for what? For what did Brock Lesnar do this for? It's not about the WWE Championship! It wasn't even about winning a damn match! Brock Lesnar was a bully; Brock Lesnar acted like an ass out here tonight, and for what? For what purpose?!
:'''Tazz''': Well I don't know for what. I, I, I thought I knew Brock Lesnar also. I, I guess I didn't know Brock. I remember Brock when he first came up in our company. And I knew Brock, we became friends and I, along with Kurt Angle, and I, I guess I didn't know Brock either. I'm uh, disgusted. I mean, he's gonna get himself blacklisted in that locker room, I'll tell you that.
:'''Cole''': Blackli - you think Brock Lesnar gives a damn about being blacklisted?!
:'''Tazz''': No, I don't, I don't think he cares.
:'''Cole''': He came out here tonight, vowed to break a kid's leg, took Zach Gowen and twice F5'd him into the steel post. The same move that required Kurt Angle to get knee surgery. You think he cares about being blacklisted?! He doesn't give a damn about anything except Mr. McMahon and that damn WWE title!
:'''Tazz''': With Mr. McMahon in the head of Brock Lesnar, this man, this ''manster'' as we call him, Brock Lesnar is capable of anything. A vicious, vicious, animal. That's what he is.
:'''Cole''': And all I can say, I'm gonna say it again and I've said it before. I hope at SummerSlam this Sunday, that Kurt Angle breaks every bone in Brock Lesnar's body. At SummerSlam, Brock Lesnar gets what he deserves.
:'''Tazz''': Well Cole, I don't think Kurt can do it. I mean, no knock on Kurt Angle, the most celebrated athlete in WWE history, and all that great stuff, Brock Lesnar is on a mission and it's a dangerous, raging mission.
:'''Cole''': Well somebody's gotta do something.
===August 28===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': Shut up and sit down, I got something to say! You see, ever since SummerSlam, everywhere I go, everybody keeps saying the same damn thing. "You tapped out". SHUT UP IT AIN'T FUNNY! People say it at the hotels, in the gym, in the restaurant, EVERYWHERE I GO! In the damn airplanes, they're telling me, "you tapped out. You tapped", I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF IT! ''[crowd chants "you tapped out"]'' SHUT UP!
:'''Tazz''': Yeah shut up, he's gonna go nuts!
:'''Michael Cole''': This crowd chanting "you tapped out".
:'''Tazz''': Yeah he's gonna snap.
:'''Lesnar''': Well I got news for ya! What happened at SummerSlam was a damn fluke. No wait, it was a mirage, that's what it was. Oh no no no! It was a miracle, that's what it was, because Brock Lesnar has never tapped out in his life! You see, I'm not a quitter damn it! No I'm not. I ain't like all of you people. Can't find jobs and if you can't find a job, you just quit looking for one. You see I never tapped out, it never happened! Well, maybe it happened but it really didn't happen you see. Hey, what happened to me at SummerSlam, I know it has to be the most embarrassing thing that happened to me in my entire life, period! That's all right, because I know what you people are thinking. I know what you people are thinking, you're thinking "hey Brock, there's no shame in tapping out to Kurt Angle. He's an Olympic champion." Well that's bullshit! Because I'm Brock Lesnar, and I'm special damn it!
:'''Tazz''': Well he's special.
:'''Lesnar''': That's right. You people might think that me and Kurt Angle, that we're over. But you're wrong. You're dead wrong. You see I'm out here tonight, I'm asking, no I'm demanding, I am demanding a title rematch, Kurt. You see Kurt, I know you're back there, I know you can hear me with those puny little ugly-ass ears of yours. I know you can hear me Kurt. So you better get your ass out here because if you don't, what I did to Zach Gowen last week,
:'''Kurt Angle''': ''[on screen]'' Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah! ''[mockingly]'' What's wrong Brockie? Want me come down and change your diaper?
:'''Cole''': Oh boy.
:'''Angle''': You know this is ridiculous. You know something Brock? You're right. You're not like anyone else. You're the most fearsome athlete that ever stepped foot in a WWE ring. Well you know something? You sound more like a ''[mockingly]'' baby that just lost his rattle. You know something Brock, that's not the way a WWE, no I should say, a FORMER WWE Champion's supposed to act.
:'''Lesnar''': Oh you're pretty funny Kurt hahaha!
:'''Angle''': See Brock, go ahead and act like an idiot, 'cause you know what? I was like you before. Whenever I'd lose, whenever I'd lose Brock, I'd hop in that ring and sound exactly the way you sound right now. Like a whiny little bitch! But Brock, I learned. You hear these WWE fans? I learned from them Brock. Because they're not impressed with bitching. They're impressed with action. You know all the kind of action like, when I beat your ass at SummerSlam! Woo! That kind of action. Which gives me a good idea. You know how you said you never tapped before and you'll never tap again? Why don't I just uh, mozie on down to the ring right now and, I don't know, beat you up a little bit? Hit you with a couple of German suplexes, nail you with an Angle Slam, and slap that ankle lock on you and make you tap out one more time, YOU BIG OGRE LOOKING SON OF A BITCH! WOO! Oh it's true!
:'''Lesnar''': Come on Kurt! Prove it! Come on loudmouth!
===October 2===
:''[Big Show had just been counted out of his match with Orlando Jordan because of a call to nature. Eddie Guerrero comes into the restroom]''
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': ''[turned off by the sheer smell]'' Oh Chihuahua man'', eto qunni''. Hoho man. ''[knocks on Big Show's stall]'' Hey Big Show! Big Show!
:'''Big Show''': LEAVE ME ALONE!!
:'''Guerrero''': Oh man, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to scare you while you're in the commode. ''Ese'' man, it smells like something crawled up inside of you and died, man! ''Ca miho! Uy'' man, I guess that's what happens, Show.
:'''Big Show''': What? What are you talking about?
:'''Guerrero''': Hey man, I'm talking about when you put me out twice, you really think that you can bonk me out twice man, and get away with it?
:'''Big Show''': Eddie I didn't do anything!
:'''Guerrero''': ''Ese,'' Show, the reason you're there is because I DID THIS!!! That's right man, that's right, it was my cousin Jose you just met right now, and ate the burrito, ''ese''.
:'''Big Show''': Oh no!
:'''Guerrero''': I put special sauce and I mean some '''real good''' special sauce ''[touches tummy]'' the type that makes your stomach do what it's doing right now, ''ese''!
:'''Big Show''': Oh it's killing me.
:'''Guerrero''': Oh my God I know it's killing you, I can smell it. ''Huy!! [picks up toilet paper rolls at dispenser near sink]'' Hey man, you save your sweat, let me ask you a question, what are you gonna do to wipe your ass? No, you know, wipe your ass?
:'''Big Show''': ''[reacts]'' No, no, no. Eddie, there's no toilet paper in here!! C'mon man, don't do this to me!
:'''Guerrero''': I'm sorry, that's right. I forgot. I took the toilet paper out about an hour ago.
:'''Big Show''': Oh no, man!
:'''Guerrero''': ''[puts toilet paper atop dispenser]'' Here man, I got something for you to wipe your ass with. Here goes! ''[kicks stall door right into Big Show]''
:'''Big Show''': ''[Rises up]'' You son of a... ''[reacts and collapses back on toilet as more come out]''
:'''Guerrero''': Ohohoh, does that hurt?
:'''Big Show''': Oh, yeah..
:'''Guerrero''': Hurt your back? ''[mocks back pain]'' Montezuma ain't got NOTHING on MonGuerrero! ''[leaves as Big Show cries]''
===October 23===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well, well, well, well. Lookee here, it's me, Vince McMahon. You remember me, Vince McMahon, chairman of the board? Yeah, I'm sure you do. And I am proud to stand here--next to Sable--proud to stand here and say to each and every one of you, that I beat the snot right out of my very own daughter, Stephanie McMahon. Boo all you want. Hey, boo all you want, it doesn't matter to me, hell, nothing bothers me. I know where I'm going when I croak. I know where I'm going when I kick the bucket. Hey, I'm going to hell in a handbasket. I know that but I'm not dead. I'm very much alive and... well, we're celebrating tonight. Matter of fact, maybe even kinda like, I celebrated after No Mercy. After I beat my daughter, after I shoved my wife down onto the mat, I celebrated unlike all the rest of you henpecked husbands and boyfriends who do exactly as you're told. You know, how I celebrated after No Mercy, you heard the expression, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Well, I assure you, I didn't spoil the child but I didn't spare the rod either, did I, Sable? Oh no, I used it all night long. Quite frankly, I accomplished the two things I wanted to accomplish. One: Stephanie McMahon is, as we speak, unemployed. And the second thing I accomplished, equally important, if not even more so, is that Brock Lesnar remains your WWE Champion. Hey, listen, I admit, Brock needed a little assistance in this match but why wouldn't he? Brock's a professional wrestler. He's not a barbarian. He shouldn't have been placed in this biker chain match by my daughter to begin with. So, I mean, when Undertaker somehow was reaching up for that chain and Brock was down to the canvas, well, somehow conveniently the lights were turned out. And then, when Undertaker was reaching for the chain again, somehow someone told the FBI to come down and kick the hell out of the Undertaker. And then, when all else failed, and Undertaker got the chain and he turned around at the top rope, who was there rolling out from underneath the ring to give the Undertaker the ride of a life he'll never forget? Me! Me, Vince McMahon! You see, the Undertaker has to learn the hard way, just like some of these other superstars, although he has to learn even harder and that is that, and the one thing Undertaker learned is you don't cross the boss. You don't...you don't give grief to the head chief. Wait a minute, wait a minute. But you do have sex with the man who signs your checks. Oh, yeah, I'm on fire tonight! No doubt! Yeah! But, quite frankly, enough about the celebration, we now need to get down to business. I've thought long and hard about who should be our next general manager here on ''SmackDown!''. But it's not you, Sable, that's not your job. I have some other jobs suggested for you. No, as a matter of fact, the person I'm about to name as your new general manager, well, he's someone who quite frankly tried to put me out of business. He's someone that if he's around you for a lengthened time, you find yourself reaching for his throat just so you could strangle him. But... but, nonetheless without a doubt, this person is one of the most ingenious, creative, and manipulative minds in the history of this business. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your new general manager of ''SmackDown!'', I give you Paul Heyman!
===November 6===
:'''The Undertaker''': See, this all goes way beyond the WWE title. This is also very personal. On Survivor Series night, I will have worked for this company for 13 years. And in those 13 years, Vince McMahon has screwed with me professionally and personally. Vince McMahon does not respect me. Vince McMahon does not respect anybody other than Vince McMahon. When I walk into that arena in Dallas, Texas, when I walk into that locker room, those guys in there, they show me respect. They show me respect because in return, I show them respect. Whether I wrestle against them, whether I fight them, we have a mutual respect. We're gladiators, and we go out there and lay it on the line. Vince McMahon on the other hand, respects no one. And for all the people, through all the years that Vince has disrespected, he's gonna have to atone for. Bret Hart, Steve Austin, the list is endless. And I think Vince respects his family even less than he does us. Vince is a man who disrespects his wife by flaunting his affairs for the whole world to see, with no remorse. This is a man who shoves his wife down, in front of the world. Here is a man who takes his only daughter, puts her in a match against himself, and knocks her around, and ends up choking her, until Linda had to throw in a towel to save her own daughter. Then this is all pretty much normal activity to Vince McMahon. Well, I'm a firm believer, and I think this ''[gestures his heart]'' with everything that I am, I think that in every man's life, there comes a time where you have to be held accountable for your actions. Everyone. Even if your name is Vince McMahon.
===November 13===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Listen, the next step is Survivor Series, all right?
:'''Chris Benoit''': Whoa whoa whoa, what were you thinking? Have you lost your damn mind?! You picked him? Him to be my partner tonight? And to be the fifth member on our team at Survivor Series? How can we trust him? How can we trust him?! Hmm? This guy has made a career of trying to tear us down. And you picked him to be on our team?
:'''Angle''': Wait a minute, Benoit. News flash! I can say the same exact thing about you. I don't like you. And I don't trust you either. And I know you feel the same exact way about me. But sometimes in business, you have to get along with the people that you absolutely detest in order to reach a common goal, and you know that! So don't give me that crap. ''[John Cena is behind Benoit]''
:'''John Cena''': You know Chris, I don't like you either. ''[Benoit gets in Cena's face]''
:'''Angle''': Whoa whoa whoa, hold on, hold on! Hey save it for tonight, save it for tonight guys. Come on, come on.
:'''Cena''': Yo captive, don't sweat yourself.
:'''Angle''': Easy.
:'''Cena''': Only reason I'm teaming with you and Kojak is to get a shot at Team Sasquatch. If I gotta team with you to get a shot at Team Lesnar, well that be's like that sometimes. Just remember out there bro, you can't see me.
:'''Benoit''': He tries one thing, ONE THING, to try to screw me tonight, and I am going to take his head off, and then, I'm gonna come looking for you.
===November 20===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': Do you have any idea what you have put me through this week? Do you have any idea what I've been going through since last Sunday? Because of you guys... no, it was you guys that lost to Kurt Angle's team last Sunday at Survivor Series. Because of you guys, I tapped out to Chris Benoit. Because of you guys, I have to listen to those people say, "You tapped out! You tapped out!" Do you realize... you don't have any idea how degrading that is! ''(grabs WWE championship belt)'' I'm the WWE Champion! Get a good look at that! Maybe someday, you'll become it if you step up to the plate! I'm the WWE Champion and I deserve some respect around here! And respect is what I'm gonna get. I've spoken to Paul Heyman to address this issue. Tonight, Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, A-Train, Big Show, each one of you guys is gonna get a chance to redeem yourself for what you did last Sunday. Starting off with my first problem, a guy, no, a problem that has been messing with me this entire week, Chris Benoit. Tonight, Chris Benoit is gonna face ''(pointing Nathan Jones)'' you, Nathan Jones. That's right, Nathan. What do you think about that? Huh? Yeah!
:'''Nathan Jones''': Yeah!
:'''Brock''': God, you're one ugly...
:'''Nathan''': Yeah!
:'''Brock''': You are one ugly bastard, you know that? That's what I like about you. Tonight, I want you to take Chris Benoit and squish him like the parasite that he is. And to make sure of that, it will be me standing in your corner. All right? Now, on to my second problem, ''(turning to Big Show)'' John Cena, the guy that pinned you, Big Show, last Sunday to gain the victory for Kurt Angle's team. The guy that took you, a 500-pound, seven-foot tall giant, picked him up over his head and gave you the FU.
:'''Big Show''': I know who he is.
:'''Brock''': Well, what are you gonna do about it, huh?
:'''Big Show''': You giving me John Cena?
:'''Brock''': I'm giving you John Cena.
:'''Big Show''': I want John Cena!
:'''Brock''': Well, good. Good. You got John Cena tonight. Now get the hell out of my face! You guys disgust me!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Kane''': I came here tonight to give a eulogy for my brother, the Undertaker, the man that I buried alive at Survivor Series. But I can't do that. The truth is, the man that we knew as the Undertaker, has been dead for a long time. My brother and I used to share a common bond, we were monsters, we lived to strike fear into the hearts of normal men, THAT was who we were. But my brother, the Undertaker, committed the most unpardonable of all sins: He betrayed himself. He became one of you. I know, I watched as he showed compassion and defended Stephanie McMahon. I watched as he showed weakness in losing to Brock Lesnar. This man was not my brother. This man was not a monster. A monster shows no compassion. A monster has no weaknesses. My brother was nothing but a FRAUD. When I stopped that, I took this impostor, I buried him alive... and I enjoyed it. As I look around all I see is a mass of pathetic insects that I can destroy any time I wanted. But at least you people are true your nature. My brother was not. But thanks to me, you will never have to see his pathetic carcass again. This so called 'Deadman' was dead and buried long before Survivor Series. So all I have to say... is rest in peace, my brother. Rest in peace!
===November 27===
:'''Paul Heyman''': Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the greatest Thanksgiving spectacular in the history of network television! ''[crowd cheers]'' Tonight, I, Paul Heyman, the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', ''[crowd boos]''
:'''Tazz''': Well they don't appreciate him.
:'''Heyman''': Hereby invite you to join me in celebrating a great American tradition. The tradition of opportunity. Because tonight, I have arranged for in this very ring, a 20-man over the top rope battle royal! ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh! Huge!
:'''Heyman''': But that's not all, because that's not good enough for Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!''. I told you, we're gonna celebrate opportunity. Because the winner of the 20-man over the top rope battle royal, tonight, will get the opportunity of a lifetime. Because that man will, in this very ring, tonight, have the opportunity to wrestle for the WWE Championship.
:'''Michael Cole''': Someone will hit the jackpot tonight!
:'''Heyman''': Because the winner of the battle royal will wrestle Brock Lesnar! ''[Brock Lesnar's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Well, here comes the pain! ''[Brock Lesnar comes out]''
:'''Cole''': Brock Lesnar will defend his title tonight against one of 20 men, whoever wins the battle royal.
:'''Tazz''': And there's Lesnar, Cole. Ever so confident.
:'''Cole''': Confident? The WWE Champion Brock Lesnar is downright cocky.
:'''Tazz''': Well I'll tell you what, Brock Lesnar might be cocky, but damn, he's the, he's the cog in the wall. That's what Brock Lesnar is. Look at Lesnar, wow! Huge huge news by Heyman!
:'''Cole''': I can't get over it! A battle royal and a championship match all in the same night here on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': Look at Brock checking out all these guys around ringside. All these ''SmackDown!'' superstars. ''[crowd chants "you tapped out]''
:'''Cole''': The fans with the "you tapped out" chants, referring to Survivor Series and the Crossface by Chris Benoit. Lesnar tapped to the Crossface.
:'''Tazz''': Of course he uh, tapped.
:'''Brock Lesnar''': Well, happy Thanksgiving to you too! You see, unlike you, on a day like today, I came out here to give thanks. You see, Brock Lesnar is thankful at the age of only 26, I am well on my way to becoming the greatest WWE Champion of all time.
:'''Tazz''': Well that, that's, I guess he is cocky Cole. That's pretty arrogant. You know, there's been a lot of great champions.
:'''Cole''': The "you tapped out" chant begins again.
:'''Lesnar''': I am the greatest champion! I, Brock Lesnar, am the fightingest champion, as I should be, because I am afraid of no one. I am not afraid of you people, and I sure as hell am not afraid of any one of you...guys. You see, I am not afraid of a guy who has speed and agility. ''[to Bradshaw]'' No I'm not talking to you, you big mouthy Texan. ''[to Rey Mysterio]'' I'm talking to you, you little jumping bean. I am not afraid ''[to Big Show]'' of a guy that stands seven feet tall and weighs five hundred pounds. I am not afraid of a guy ''[to John Cena]'' who's never been champion. And I sure as hell am not afraid of a guy ''[to Chris Benoit]'' who will never be a champion.
:'''Cole''': But Benoit made Brock tap out. And these chants really get under the champion's skin, the "you tapped out" chants.
:'''Lesnar''': Yeah I did tap out Chris! I tapped out twice in my career, and I guaran-damn-tee you, it will never, and each one of you guys, listen to this. I will never, ever tap out again. ''[crowd boos]'' You know what? I think I will get my respect by making somebody around here tap out. I think tonight, the winner of this 20-man battle royal who will be facing me, for my WWE title, I, Brock Lesnar, will make you tap out. Excuse me for a second. ''[whispers in Heyman's ear]''
:'''Heyman''': You're right! May I? ''[takes the microphone]'' Mr. Lesnar, that sir, is an excellent idea, because it's all about opportunity. You see, just like Brock Lesnar SCRATCHED and CLAWED his way to the top of the mountain to become the WWE Champion, two men tonight will earn their way into this battle royal. Two men tonight have to win a match just to get in to the battle royal. And the first man that has to win a match tonight is you, John Cena. In order for you, John Cena, to get into the battle royal, you first have to defeat the 350 pound A-Train. Can you see me now John? Oh but that's not all. Because Mr. Lesnar has chosen someone else that needs to earn his way into that battle royal. And that man ladies and gentlemen, is you, Chris Benoit. You see, Chris Benoit, in order for you to get into that battle royal, you have to defeat an opponent of MY choosing. But you won't have to wait long to find out who it is. Because your match, sir, is next. And then we're gonna find out which one of the 20 men who enter that battle royal will have the opportunity of a lifetime when they step into the ring with the WWE Champion, Brock Lesnar!
===December 18===
:'''John Cena''': Yo yo yo yo yo. Chill chill chill.
'Tis the season to be spreading love and holiday cheer!<br>
I'm bitched, I've been getting ripped off for 26 years.<br>
I asked for presents, all I ever got was yellow snow.<br>
So this year I turn Mrs. Claus into a ho-ho-ho.<br>
Christmas Eve, when Santa Claus is skippin' over my house,<br>
I be in his crib with my hand up Mrs. Claus' blouse.<br>
And when his fat ass gets stuck down some small chimney,<br>
well she be hangin' off the balls from my Christmas tree.<br>
Yo. With all the other elves up there, I don't know who else been at it.<br>
So when I give 'em my Christmas present, I make damn sure that I rap it.<br>
So put out your milk and cookies for ol' St. Nick.<br>
The longer he's gone, the longer Mrs. Claus is workin' my...
:'''Crowd''': DICK!
== 2004 ==
=== January 1 ===
:'''Dawn Marie''': Paul, when are you gonna give me the cover of ''SmackDown!'' Magazine like you promised? ''[door opens]''
:'''Paul Heyman''': Dawn, take a walk, now! ''[Chris Benoit has entered Heyman's office, laughing]'' I uh, I suppose you're proud of yourself, huh?
:'''Chris Benoit''': Well, for someone who wasn't even supposed to be in the Royal Rumble, you may be looking at the next winner of the Royal Rumble. No, no in fact, you're looking at the next WWE Champion.
:'''Heyman''': Is that a fact?
:'''Benoit''': That's a fact.
:'''Heyman''': See, Chris, I think this, this is the time that you and I should have a man-to-man talk.
:'''Benoit''': Man-to-man?
:'''Heyman''': Because you see, there is a difference between me and everybody that comes to see ''SmackDown!'' live.
:'''Benoit''': Right. Yeah.
:'''Heyman''': They're working grunts. Me, I'm management. You have nothing, nothing that differs you between you and everybody that comes to ''SmackDown!'' because you're just like everybody else, Chris. You're a working stiff. You're a common working man. You're a working grunt for management like me. See Chris, people like you, they get stopped dead in their tracks by people like me. Sometimes you get stopped because of injury. Sometimes you get stopped because of fate. Well, my friend, at the Royal Rumble, you get stopped by management. Oh you can scratch, and you can claw, and you can work your way to the top, like everybody out there pursuing the American Dream, but you know what happens, Chris? People like me stop people like you! You give up time with your family, you take time away from your wife and your children to be number one. Well, Chris, I'm gonna make you number one! But not the number one at being the WWE Champion, no my friend. I'm gonna make you number one, 'cause you are the number one entrant into the Royal Rumble! You're number one! You're the first guy that will be in the Royal Rumble! 29 OTHER PEOPLE COME AFTER YOUR ASS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! ''[Benoit grabs Heyman's hand]''
:'''Benoit''': DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?! DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?!
:'''Heyman''': You're breaking--
:'''Benoit''': MY WIFE, MY KIDS, MY SACRIFICES? You understand me, I will win the Royal Rumble, I will be the next WWE Champion, and you won't, you'll never, break my will!
===January 22===
:'''Josh Mathews''': Mr. Heyman, now with all due respect, how did you feel last week --
:'''Paul Heyman''': Respect? Respect?! There is no more respect, Josh! There's no respect for authority! There's no respect for the English language! There's no more respect for the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', Paul Heyman! Now is there?! And that's all thanks to that thug, John Cena and Chris Benoit. That all changes tonight, 'cause tonight is the start of a whole new ''SmackDown!''. And I'll tell you why, Josh. I look at the leadership of Vince McMahon, who took this industry out of the dirty, smoking bingo hall and brought sports entertainment to beautiful brand new arenas. John Cena and Chris Benoit have ruined ''SmackDown!''. They appeal to the lowest common denominator, and I'm gonna upgrade the demographic here. I am gonna present ''SmackDown!'' to first-class high society, an all-American network presentation, under the leadership of Paul Heyman. You know and I know that this industry was founded on the puritanical values, the morals of the United States of America! The same morals, the same values that John Cena and Chris Benoit violate with their thuggery and their hip-hop, and their rap, so tonight, we're gonna change all that. Because tonight, Chris Benoit and John Cena will compete in that very ring against the team of Rhyno, and Matt Morgan, and The Big Show, the United States Heavyweight Champion, and Brock Lesnar, the WWE Champion! And I'm gonna be there ringside to watch these four men decimate John Cena and Chris Benoit and show the world that the very last person you ever wanna mess with is named Paul Heyman.
===January 29===
:'''Paul Heyman''': Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!''. ''[crowd boos]'' Tonight, on my show -- ''[Mr. McMahon's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': What the hell?
:'''Michael Cole''': Well we didn't expect Mr. McMahon here tonight. And he does not look happy.
:'''Tazz''': Cole, can you believe the mood is about to change. The chairman of the board is power walking his way to the ring.
:'''Cole''': Look at Mr., Mr. Heyman's expression. Paul Heyman looks shocked to see the, the owner of the company here!
:'''Mr. McMahon''': Well Mr. Heyman. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration. Tonight was to have been a night to have seen the winner of the 2004 Royal Rumble match walk down that aisle into this ring. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration for Chris Benoit in front of this crowd here in Washington, DC! ''[crowd cheers]'' That's not gonna happen, is it? That's not gonna happen, and why isn't is Chris Benoit gonna be here tonight? Unless my eyes clearly deceive me, I saw Chris Benoit being welcomed to ''Raw'' by Stone Cold Steve Austin last Monday night. Unless my eyes deceive me, I clearly saw Chris Benoit look into the eyes of Triple H and challenge him for the World title at WrestleMania. You see Mr. Heyman, what's happened is because of you. Because of you, Chris Benoit has jumped through what we call a legal loophole. You see, it says clearly the winner of the Royal Rumble will face the champion at WrestleMania, but it doesn't say which champion now, does it? And since you've made Benoit's life a living hell here on ''SmackDown!'', Benoit chose to jump through that legal loophole and is now the sole property of ''Raw''. And that's because of you, Mr. Heyman. So now, I would at least expect some sort of explanation for the ''SmackDown!'' audience. I would expect you, I would expect you to at least apologize to the ''SmackDown!'' audience. I'm sure you have something to day, don't you? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?!
:'''Heyman''': Well, I say SCREW CHRIS BENOIT! ''[crowd boos]'' Uh, I uh, yeah, I say screw Chris Benoit, and the reason why I say that Vince, is because it's exactly the same thing that Vincent Kennedy McMahon would say. When, when, when Nash and Hall left your company when you needed them most, did you just cry about it? No, you said SCREW NASH AND HALL! I'll give someone else the opportunity! When, when the almighty God himself, Hulk Hogan left your company, did you just curl up in a fetal position and die? No, Vincent Kennedy McMahon said SCREW HULK HOGAN! I'll give someone else the chance. When Bret Hart left your company, did you just cry over spilled milk? No, you said screw Bret Hart, and you did screw Bret Hart, didn't you Vince?
:'''McMahon''': Yes I did.
:'''Heyman''': And you screwed Bret Hart by giving someone else the opportunity to become the main event. The big star all the way to WrestleMania.
:'''McMahon''': Where, where's all this going? Come on, let's get to the point.
:'''Heyman''': Tonight, in our nation's capital, in the finest tradition of the United States, and in the finest tradition of your World Wrestling Entertainment, we are gonna give someone the opportunity, because tonight, for the first time ever on network television, right here in Washington, DC, ''[crowd cheers]'' Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!'' will present the Royal Rumble!
:'''Cole''': What?!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa.
:'''Cole''': The Royal Rumble?!
:'''Tazz''': What's he talking about?
:'''Heyman''': Fifteen ''SmackDown!'', no I'm, I'm I'm very much intact, Vince, fifteen ''SmackDown!'' superstars will come down that aisle, and only one man will emerge victorious. And Vince, that man won't have to wait until WrestleMania to face Brock Lesnar for the WWE title. No no no. The winner tonight will go on to face Brock Lesnar for the WWE title in less than three weeks at No Way Out. Now just so you know that I'm all business about this, Vince. Matt Morgan was in the Royal Rumble this past Sunday, you know that now he's on the injured list. Matt Morgan will be replaced tonight, his opportunity goes to a man that I don't like, Hardcore Holly.
:'''Cole''': Wow.
:'''Heyman''': Chris Benoit, remember? Screw Chris Benoit? Give his opportunity to somebody else? Tonight, Chris Benoit's opportunity goes to Eddie Guerrero!
:'''Cole''': Oh my!
:'''Tazz''': Wow!
:'''Heyman''': And Vince, look. Look Vince, I did my homework, I'm prepared. The way you like your executives to be. A professional man. Those two men, Hardcore Holly and Eddie Guerrero, will join in this very ring, your very ring, Vince. John Cena, The Cat, The A-Train, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Nunzio, Kurt Angle, Bradshaw, Rhyno, Billy Gunn, Rikishi, Tajiri, and the seven-foot tall, 500 pound monster that dominated the Royal Rumble, like no man before him, tonight in this very ring, The Big Show! Now Vince, hey, this is your company. You're the chairman of the board, you're the majority stockholder. And you have every right to come out here and say, screw Paul Heyman! I'll give someone else the opportunity. Or you can share this vision, Vince. This is, this is after all just, just coming out of your vision. And you can see this, Vince. We can make history together tonight, Vince. Network television history right here in Washington, DC, we can do it all over again, and tonight in your very ring, and present a Royal Rumble! It's up to you Vince. What do you say?
:'''McMahon''': I say ''SmackDown!'' has a Royal Rumble!
:'''Cole''': All right!
:'''Tazz''': Yeah!
===February 19===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': I'm not even supposed to be here tonight. Paul Heyman told me that I could have the night off, but I just couldn't stay home. I have too much pride. That WWE Championship meant too much to me, I can't stay home. That championship was my life. Unlike Eddie Guerrero, who doesn't appreciate the damn thing at all. Eddie's probably, Eddie's probably gonna go out and, Eddie's probably gonna go out and pawn that thing off anyways. That's just how it is, and Eddie doesn't deserve that title. That title was everything to me. I mean, I'm an All-American kind of guy. I was a great WWE Champion and I don't understand why that you people can treat me like this. I can't believe it. I'm a great U.S. citizen. I'm an outstanding, I'm an outstanding guy. I'm an NCAA champion. I was, in my heart, I believe, the greatest WWE Champion in history. I mean, Eddie Guerrero, Eddie Guerrero is a lying, cheating, champion. That's exactly how Eddie won my title! Eddie Guerrero capitalized on Bill Goldberg! Eddie Guerrero STOLE MY TITLE! Eddie Guerrero might be the champion, but I guarantee it Eddie, your day will come and Brock Lesnar will become the WWE Champion once again. But, Bill Goldberg, I got a score to settle with you! It was because of you, Bill, is why I lost my WWE title! Because of you, Bill, my life hasn't been the same! Because of you, Bill, I can't sleep at night! Bill Goldberg, you're gonna feel the pain! Bill Goldberg, I'm gonna break you in half! That's what I'm gonna do, Bill! So Vince, Mr. McMahon, I know you're listening to me right now, and I know you're gonna see this, I don't care, I don't care what Stone Cold Steve Austin thinks. I don't care what Paul Heyman thinks. I don't care what Eric Bischoff thinks. Mr. McMahon, I'm begging you. I am begging you, Mr. McMahon. No wait, ''[Lesnar hesitates, then gets on his knees]'' Mr. McMahon, I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, please, please at Wrestlmania XX, I'm begging you, at Wrestlemania XX, give me Brock Lesnar versus Goldberg!
===March 11===
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': Orale, say hello to my little friend! Now before I have my match with Shelton Benjamin, I'd like to address Mr. Kurt Angle. ''[crowd boos]'' Orale Kurt, you're telling me that you didn't show up tonight homes, that you're not here. Do you really think I'm buying that, ese vato? I mean come on Kurt, come on out here homes! Orale vato loco! This is your chance, homes! I know you're back there, ese! This is your chance homes! What are you waiting for, I mean this is your opportunity to get rid of the Eddie Guerrero of the world. This is your chance to save ''SmackDown!'' homes. I mean come on bro, after all, I'm the only WWE Champion in the history, that encourages or sends out a message to kids to ''lie, cheat, and steal'' homes! This is your chance to play hero, Mr. Angle! Where are you ese? I get it homes. I get it. You got (bleep) ese. Yeah see Kurt, orale homes, all the talk that you do is exactly that ese. You talk. You talk about being justified. You talk about being holy. You talk the talk ese, but you don't walk the walk ese. Who do you think you're fooling ese? Do you think you're fooling them? Do you think you're fooling me? Kurt Angle, ''[crowd chants "Eddie"]'' Orale homes! I mean come on ese! I'm an addict! I'm a bad influence! This is your chance Kurt, to come and make things right! Stop being around a bush ese, and come out here and get your (bleep) kicked by Latino Heat! Yeah Kurt, this doesn't surprise me ese. You know Kurt, you've done a lot of talking, that's right, Angle does suck. You've done a lot of talking ese. But now Kurt, it's time to put up and shut up man. WrestleMania XX, you promise the world that you're gonna walk in WrestleMania XX and save ''SmackDown!'' and save WWE from Eddie Guerrero. Well I got one promise to you Kurt. After I beat you at WrestleMania XX homes, I promise I'm gonna lie more than ever, I'm gonna steal more than ever, and I'm gonna cheat more than ever! Orale, viva la raza!
===March 18===
:'''John Cena''': Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo! Damn y'all are alive tonight! ''[crowd chants "Cena"]'' This is my home. This is where I'm from. Y'all are my peoples. Hell, I used to buy tickets for the ''old'' Boston Garden. I could only afford the cheap ones where I was sitting right behind the pole. But that's real, and we gotta kick this off real. Now is Beantown here to represent?
:'''Crowd''': Hell yes!
:'''Cena''': So let me hear the whole building make some noise! ''[crowd cheers]'' You see, uh, at WrestleMania, Big Show didn't think I was a fighter. I put him on an FU diet. He came out ten pounds lighter. The ''SmackDown!'' video games are only way he could me. I bring championships home like my name was Tom Brady. But there's some people out there, that think I disgraced this title's heritage. ''[crowd boos]'' That's 'cause your boy's causing more controversies than gay marriages. Cole, Cole, no offense bro, we still cool right? ''[Tazz laughs]''
:'''Michael Cole''': What?
:'''Cena''': All right bro. All right. Plus, the FCC is crackin' down on me too. ''[crowd boos]'' Man, those people suck! Just like the Yankees do. ''[crowd cheers, then chants "Yankees suck"]'' But I'm still throwin' the W up, changing the whole industry, I'm like the big dick bro. Nobody can finish me.
:'''Cole''': John Cena all fired up tonight.
:'''Tony Chimel''': And his opponent,
:'''Cole''': His first U.S. title defense, ''[Paul Heyman's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh whoa whoa!
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute, that's not Cena's opponent.
:'''Tazz''': The hell? ''[Paul Heyman comes out]''
:'''Cole''': That's our general manager, Paul Heyman. Leave it to Heyman to ruin a great homecoming.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. ''[crowd boos]'' The rumors are true. Brock Lesnar is no longer with Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!''. Brock Lesnar has left World Wrestling Entertainment. But for you John, that could be good news, because now that Brock Lesnar's gone, there's a whole world of opportunity for any ''SmackDown!'' superstar that wants to grab it. Which means you John, could be the new face of ''SmackDown!''. But it doesn't have to be that way. You see, this coming Monday, live in Detroit, Michigan, every ungrateful member of that Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!'' locker room will be at ''Monday Night Raw'', including you John. And by order of the chairman of the board, Mr. McMahon, the representative of ''Raw'' is gonna pick out names. And if a member of the ''SmackDown!'' locker room happens to be one of those names, then that member of ''SmackDown!'' goes to ''Raw''. And if I, John, happen to pick out a name of a ''Raw'' superstar, then that ''Raw'' superstar gets drafted to Paul Heyman's brand new ''SmackDown!''. You see John, if I were one of the superstars, if I were in that locker room tonight, I would get down on my hands and my knees and I would pray to God that I get drafted to ''Monday Night Raw'' because those that get left behind are going to incur the wrath of Paul Heyman. So let me spell this out for you so that even you can understand it John. I'm very stressed out. I got stunned by Stone Cold because of that locker room, AND I WANT EVERY MEMBER OF MY LOCKER ROOM GONE! I WANT YOU OFF OF MY SHOW! YOU CONTEMPTIBLE PIECE OF BOSTON CRAP! ''[slaps Cena]''
:'''Cole''': Oh ho!
:'''Tazz''': Man.
:'''Heyman''': DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I'M FINISHED WITH YOU! I'm, I'm gonna -- ''[tries to hit Cena but Cena blocks]''
:'''Tazz''': Uh-oh! ''[Cena knocks out Heyman]''
:'''Cole''': And a right hand to the jaw of Heyman!
=== March 25 ===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': If you'll listen, I'll explain to you what happened last week. Because I really feel that I was horribly, horribly misunderstood. ''[crowd boos]'' Oh come on. If you'll just listen to me, you'll understand and you'll appreciate the fact that what I did was the right thing. You see, Ron Simmons, you don't understand, he's my best friend. He always has been. We've drank more beer, and we've been up more roads than most of you people ever imagine. So when Paul Heyman quit Monday night on ''Raw'', I knew this was my chance. I knew this was my chance to get Ron's job back. I knew this was my chance to make sure that the APA stayed in business. ''[crowd cheers]'' But I'm not gonna do that. ''[crowd boos]'' Listen, I'm explaining, please! I've got a lot more than just wrestling going on. I appreciate everything that Ron Simmons has done for me. I appreciate years and years of friendship. But I've got a portfolio that has beat the stock market seven out of the last seven years! That is phenomenal. I've got a financial book by Simon & Schuster out, and I'm writing another book right now on keeping America strong. I've got a radio show that starts May 1, we're gonna talk about politics. We're gonna talk about finances. You people are gonna love this radio show. I have become the top financial analyst on network TV. Fox News loves to have me on. I could not, I simply could not walk away from all that I've got.
:You people - get off your high horse! - you people would have done the exact same thing that I did, given the opportunity. If you'd have been in my shoes, which you're not, you people would have done the same thing. You see, it's time that you people quit listening to your little Sunday school fairy tales. It's time you start listening to a guy like Prince Machiavelli, who will tell you that there is no wrong and there is no right in society, that people do things because they want something back. There is simple cause and effect. You see, I understand that.
:That is why people like me are people that run businesses. People like me are people that run industries. People like me are people that run governments. I have - the only thing I sold was stock about two weeks ago before terrorism scared the market, and I made a hell of a lot of money, so you can stop the "you sold out" chants right now. I have always been smarter, I have always been better, and I have always worked harder than anybody else around me. That is why I have always been considered an impact player. My picture hangs in my old high school. My picture hangs in my old college. Look it up, it's a matter of history. I don't have to pad my résumé. Normal people are astounded by my résumé because normal people never let their dreams get beyond their front door because they are scared of failure. I have never been scared of failure, and I have never failed. I have succeeded in everything but one thing and that is wrestling. Because I thought it was more important to have a good time. To drink beer, to play cards, to visit our troops. What I wanna tell you something, that's good and fine, but that ain't got me jack. So something speaks to happen around here. You're fixing to see an impact. And if you know anything about history you know this: what I say I do, and what I do, I do very, very well. So get ready for the impact that's coming. Buckle your seats, boys and girls. Business is about to pick up.
===May 6===
:'''Michael Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, as we promised, from New York City, John "Bradshaw" Layfield. ''[crowd boos]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': You hear that response, Michael Cole? Do you? It's like somehow for some reason, those people there in your live audience think in some way, somehow I was responsible for what happened to Eddie Guerrero's mother?
:'''Cole''': Well Bradshaw, we have seen the footage. Let's just get right to the point. Why would you engage in such despicable actions on a night when Eddie Guerrero and his family were honoring the matriarch of the Guerrero family? What prompted you to commit such an act as to ''manhandle'' a woman of her age and cause her to have a heart attack?
:'''JBL''': Whoa whoa whoa right there. Manhandle? Pick your words a little more carefully. The only person I manhandled was Eddie Guerrero. I quietly, simply, and politely asked the old lady Guer -- Mrs. Guerrero to leave the ring so that I could finish my business with her little baby boy, Eddie.
:'''Cole''': Bradshaw, no disrespect, but "politely"? I didn't see anything polite about you causing a, a woman to have a heart attack.
:'''JBL''': Causing a heart attack? Watch your accusations Michael Cole. Now these people may like having 18 to 20 of them living in the same house. And that may be fine with them. But that doesn't mean you bring your ever little snot-nosed kid and 100-year-old grandmother into the ring. That is my place of business. It was not bring your family to work day. Eddie Guerrero had no right, ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT, bringing his family to the ring.
:'''Tazz''': Well I, John, Bradshaw, not for nothing I mean, don't you think you owe the Guerrero family an apology at the very least?
:'''JBL''': An apology?!
:'''Tazz''': Mrs. Guerrero, yeah.
:'''JBL''': You've got to be kidding me, Tazz! To who? To Eddie? To some elderly lady who's already outlived her days here on this Earth? Eddie Guerrero put his family in harm's way. That's his business. But if he does that, then he has to take responsibility. Eddie has to take responsibility for the circumstances and what happens, the consequences.
:'''Cole''': Well and Bradshaw, i - is that why you're not here tonight in Tucson? Because you don't wanna face the ''circumstances''?
:'''JBL''': You watch your mouth, Michael Cole. You hear me? There is a reason I'm in New York City. I am a businessman. I work for CNBC, the most respected financial news network in the world. That is why I'm in New York. You see if I was there, the hothead that Eddie Guerrero has proved that he is, would probably do something dumb. And he would get hurt. So what I'm doing is, I'm giving Eddie a reprieve. A gift. But next week I will be there. And May 16, at Judgment Day, Los Angeles, I damn sure will be there because that is the day, the very day, you mark it down, that John "Bradshaw" Layfield becomes the new WWE Champion. You know as a matter of fact Michael Cole, now that I think about it, I don't think the old lady had a heart attack at all. I think she faked every single bit of it.
:'''Cole''': You gotta be kidding me. Faking it?
:'''JBL''': Think about it Michael Cole, she's a Guerrero. She didn't teach her kid the ABC's. She taught him to lie, cheat, and steal. It was bred into him. A star was made into its purest form. I was bred for success. That's why you are interviewing me. I'm gonna come there and I can beat up Eddie Guerrero for free. But I'm gonna wait for the pay-per-view. You see, that's good business. That's smart business. My parents bred me for success. My people came to this country in a boat. Not an inner tube! Michael Cole, this interview, just like Eddie Guerrero's title reign, has ended.
=== June 10 ===
:''[John "Bradshaw" Layfield is disgusted at the unkempt appearance of the Nassau Coliseum and wants his limo driver to drive him back to New York City]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': A rich man don't work when a rich man don't want to. Let's go driver. I look way too good not to be in New York City tonight. Let's go! ''[signals intercom]'' Hey, let's go! ''[no response]'' Idiot! Who hired these morons ''[tries again and opens partition]'' Hey, moron, I said let's go! Take me back to New York City now!
:'''Driver''': New York City? ''[driver takes off his hat revealing it's Eddie Guerrero]''
:'''JBL''': Hey!! What are you..?
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': ''Órale'' Holmes! We ain't going to New York City, but we are going for a ride. And it's gonna be better than Disneyland, ''órale'' Holmes - hey, does this, have any any hydraulics? ''[presses button and partition goes back up]'' Yeah, ha, ''vato loco''.
:'''JBL''': What do you mean hydraulics?!?! Get me out of here, idiot, you're stealing my... ''[tries to pound windows and open the door, but they're all locked]''
:'''Guerrero''': ''[as JBL jabbers at the back]'' It's time! ''[drives off]''
===June 17===
:'''Paul Heyman''': So, the Dudley Boyz are the new WWE Tag Team Champions, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is thanks to the motivational skills of Paul Heyman. Now you should be happy that you got to witness that piece of history tonight, because one man did not get to witness it. That man is Paul Bearer, because Paul Bearer is in, shall we say, protective custody, which means, Paul Bearer missed it when history took a major, major turn. ''[footage from the previous week's episode of SmackDown! is shown]''
:'''Michael Cole''': This was last week on ''SmackDown!'', and I still cannot believe what happened. Paul Heyman gave The Undertaker a choice to make; join me or never see Paul Bearer again. And in my estimation, The Undertaker had no choice, but I still never thought I would see this.
:'''Tazz''': I was shocked as you were Cole. Everybody in Long Island there at the Nassau Coliseum was shocked. Everyone home, the ''SmackDown!'' fans were shocked. Right there you see, Undertaker bowing to the urn, bowing to Paul Heyman?
:'''Heyman''': Why? Why would The Undertaker bow down in servitude to a man like Paul Heyman? Because I control The Undertaker's conscience. I control the destiny of The Undertaker's conscience, and that conscience, ladies and gentlemen, is named Paul Bearer. ''[crowd chants "you suck"]'' It's not nice to antagonize a powerful man like me because you see, ladies and gentlemen, there will come a day where The Undertaker will realize that he should be loyal to me, simply based on my greatness. But in the meantime, I have to come to the realization that The Undertaker feels for Paul Bearer. The Undertaker cares for Paul Bearer. And that is a weakness of The Undertaker that I'm willing to exploit. Because ladies and gentlemen, even the big dog needs to be trained. So at The Great American Bash, I have arranged for The Undertaker to face, in a handicap match, the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the Dudley Boyz.
:'''Tazz''': What?
:'''Heyman''': But, but there's so much more. Because at The Great American Bash, ladies and gentlemen, I promise you The Undertaker will do the right thing. The Undertaker will do the right thing or he'll find himself in a situation that for you, is a must-see situation. I like to call it live free or die. ''[removes a covering revealing a coffin]'' You see, at The Great American Bash, there is going to be a crypt, represented tonight by this coffin right here. ''[opens the coffin]'' And this coffin tonight represents the crypt that I will have at The Great American Bash, and in that crypt, will be The Undertaker's conscience, Paul Bearer. And also at The Great American Bash, ladies and gentlemen, there will be a cement truck. Coincidentally, just like the cement truck that you see right here tonight in Chicago, Illinois. The Undertaker, at The Great American Bash, will do the right thing, or at my command, the cement will flow, and Paul Bearer will find himself in a most terrible situation. ''[the cement truck pours cement into the coffin, filling it up]'' Now ladies and gentlemen, much like when you go to a car dealership, and you drive a demo car, this is just a mere demonstration. Because at The Great American Bash, I am having a monstrosity built. First time ever you've seen anything like this. There will be a crypt that will be made out of 3-inch thick glass, and it will be yay tall, and inside that crypt will be The Undertaker's conscience, Paul Bearer. Now the reason why the glass is 3 inches thick all the way around and all the way up tall is so that each and every one of you can see in, but no one can bust Paul Bearer out. Now I promise you, at The Great American Bash, The Undertaker will do the right thing, or I will give the word, and that crypt will start to flow in the cement, and the cement will rise above Paul Bearer's legs, the cement will rise above Paul Bearer's torso, the cement will go all the way up to Paul Bearer's chin, and at that moment, I will say "stop". Because at that point, I promise you, The Undertaker will do the right thing. 'Cause I'm gonna wanna look at the pained expression on The Undertaker's face. I'm gonna wanna see emotion from the Deadman, and if The Undertaker doesn't do the right thing, I will give the word and the cement will go over Paul Bearer's mouth, it will go over Paul Bearer's nose, it will engulf his eyes, it will engulf his head, and right before your very eyes, ladies and gentlemen, The Undertaker's conscience will be suffocated and will be no more. Now that's at The Great American Bash. I also have a demonstration for you live here tonight. Because live here tonight, in Chicago will be The Undertaker. ''[crowd cheers]'' Who will bow down at the feet of greatness of Paul Heyman.
===July 1===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Thank you. Thank you very much. As our late great former President Ronald Reagan once said, it's morning again in America! It's the dawn of a new era. The John "Bradshaw" Layfield era. And I promise to this, to all of my fans. I will become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. I know, I know how America loves a winner. And America, I will give you that love back. I will shake hands with you, America. All of my fans. Of course I prefer a, nod of recognition for no other reasons than sanitary reasons of course, I mean, shaking hands, you can get germs, and honestly you don't want your champion getting sick now, do you? And for those of you who insist on shaking my hand, I want to tell you, don't be offended by the fact that I will take out a little hand sanitizer. ''[rubs his hands with hand sanitizer as the crowd chants "Eddie"]''
:'''Michael Cole''': The Eddie chants begin here in Fayetteville.
:'''JBL''': Because I want you to know folks, it's not personal. It's just personal hygiene. Because I will kiss your babies. As long of course if, if they don't smell bad, they don't spit up or they don't have runny noses. And I want you fans to get to know me, okay? I prefer to be called Mr. Bradshaw. But if you wanna be familiar with me, you can call me Champion. Or Champ! Because I am the WWE Champion. You see, after Ronald Reagan passed away, and John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King were taken from us, at such an early age, what you need America, is a champion. I am proud, I am proud to be your champion. So I don't mind you saying it, you can say it now if you want. JBL. JBL. Come on. JBL. JBL. JBL. Because that will inspire me, that will inspire me to be the fighting champion that I will be, unlike Eddie Guerrero. You see, I went into Kurt Angle's office and I looked him in the eye, and I said, Mr. Angle, I want a fight tonight. I don't want to rest to my morals as champion. I want to defend this WWE Championship, and not just against anybody, but against somebody who was at The Great American Bash. And I plan on defending this tonight. Right here. Right here in, right here in, ''[walks over to a ringside technician]'' right here in Fayetteville, North Carolina! And Mr. Angle told me that I can choose the person that I want to defend my championship against. As long as that person was not Eddie Guerrero. Because, quite honestly, I feel like Eddie's fallen off the wagon. Right now, Eddie's not here. If he were here, he'd walk in this ring like a man, shake my hand, and tell me the better man won last Sunday. But he won't do that, because Eddie Guerrero, right now, I'm sad to say is probably knee deep in a bottle of pills, or knee deep in a bottle of vodka. And it hurts me very very badly. It pained me to know that you had a champion that you people were ashamed of. Be ashamed no more, because the era of John "Bradshaw" Layfield has arrived. And I promise you this, I vow, no wait, I guarantee, I guaranteed victory at Judgment Day, and I guaranteed I would be the new WWE Champion at The Great American Bash. So I now guarantee to you, my fellow Americans, that I will be a champion that you can be proud of. Thank you, and God bless America.
=== July 22 ===
:'''Kurt Angle''': There has been a lot of talk about my actions last week on ''SmackDown!''. I have been called a liar, a con artist, and quite frankly, it hurts because you people have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I'm an extraordinary human being capable of doing extraordinary things. In case you forgot, I won an Olympic gold medal with a broken neck. And last week, when I saw Eddie Guerrero, who I despise, who brings shame and disgrace to this company, who was about to regain the WWE Championship, I sucked it up, set aside my pain, and did what I had to do to make sure it didn't happen. I did the impossible. Do I believe in miracles? Yes, I do. And sure, afterwards, I regressed, my doctors told me that my actions enabled me to further damage my knee. My therapists told me that I risked permanent paralysis. But it was worth it. It was worth it for the greater good, to maintain Kurt Angle's ''SmackDown!''. Where men are rewarded by morality. Where men, like John Cena, are stripped of the U.S. Championship. Where men, like John "Bradshaw" Layfield, stand tall as the WWE Champion. A ''SmackDown!'' where Eddie Guerrero becomes obsolete. That's right, Eddie! ''[hears "Eddie" chants]'' You see, Eddie Guerrero, what he did was wrong. But I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give Eddie Guerrero a chance tonight to keep his job because what he did, I could fire Eddie on the spot. But I'm a decent man, so I'm not gonna do that. But, there's one thing that Eddie Guerrero has to do. He has to come out here and he has to convince me to keep his job, provided that he begs for it. If Eddie Guerrero gets on his knees and begs in front of me for his job back, I promise, as general manager of SmackDown!, I will let him keep his job. But it's got to be good and it's got to be sincere. And I'll show you what I'm talking about. ''[Turns to Tony Chimel]'' Tony, would you come in the ring? And bring your microphone.
:''[Tony Chimel enters the ring]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': In case you don't know who this man is, this is our ring announcer and Philadelphia's own, Tony Chimel. ''[audience cheers]'' Mr. Chimel is a great significance to me because he was the ring announcer at my last match, WrestleMania XX. The match where Eddie Guerrero cheated to win. And the last image that keeps going over and over and over and over again in my head is Tony Chimel, with a smile on his face, announcing, "And the winner is Eddie Guerrero!" Now, Mr. Chimel, in case you didn't know, when you cheat, you don't win which makes you a liar. And in my book, that's immediate grounds for dismissal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you saying I'm a liar? Is that what you're saying? No? I'll tell you what, Tony Chimel. I could fire you on the spot. But I'll tell you what. If you can convince me to keep your job, I'll let you have your job. Go ahead.
:'''Tony Chimel''': Kurt, I...
:'''Kurt Angle''': Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Knees. On your knees.
:'''Tony Chimel''': ''[getting on his knees]'' Mr. Angle, I sincerely apologize if I offended you in any way. Please, just let me keep my job. Please.
:'''Kurt Angle''': Are you kidding me? You call that begging? Say it like you mean it!
:'''Tony Chimel''': Mr. Angle, please. Please, I have a wife and three kids. I just... just wanna have my job, please.
:'''Kurt Angle''': All right, all right, all right. That was good. Much better. Actually, that was really good, but not good enough. Tony Chimel, YOU'RE FIRED! ''[audience boos]'' NOW, GET OUT OF MY RING! GO, NOW!
:''[Tony Chimel leaves the ring]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': I'm sorry, but Tony Chimel's not a very good beggar. But don't worry, people, because someone will be begging for their job tonight. And that man is Eddie Guerrero.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Funaki''': This is Funaki, ''SmackDown!'' number one announcer! Tonight, I'm here Kurt Angle's office reporting on the very special announcement. Okay, Kurt.
:'''Kurt Angle''': Excuse me, if you're done butchering my language, I brought you in here because finally, there's someone here on ''SmackDown!'', a superstar that I can be proud of, and his name is Booker T. Booker, will you please join me? ''[Booker T enters]'' Now, Book, you're everything I want in a superstar here on ''SmackDown!''. You're professional, you're a sharp dresser, and nothing would make me prouder than to present you with the United States Championship. ''[showing the United States Championship belt]''
:'''Tazz''': Wow.
:'''Booker T''': You're kidding me, right?
:'''Kurt Angle''': No. ''[lifting Funaki's arm]''
:'''Booker T''': You for real, dawg?
:'''Kurt Angle''': Oh, yeah.
:''' Booker T''': You talking about making me, Booker T, the United States Champion tonight? That's what you're saying, man.
:''[Booker T tries to take the belt]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Yes and no. Now, now, listen, Book.
:'''Booker T''': Come on, man.
:'''Kurt Angle:''' Technically, I can't do it just yet, but immediately after the show, I'm gonna have a meeting with the members of the board, and by next week, you'll be the new United States Champion. But tonight, just for old time sakes, I'm gonna let you hold the title.
:'''Booker T''': You're letting me hold the title?
:'''Kurt Angle''': Oh, it's true.
:''[Kurt Angle gives Booker T the United States Championship belt]''
:'''Booker T''': Hey, I appreciate that, Kurt Angle. ''[Kurt Angle applauds]'' Thank you, man.
:''[Booker T shakes Kurt Angle's hand]'':
:'''Kurt Angle''': You are welcome. You are welcome.
:'''Booker T''': I'm outta here, dawg.
:''[Booker T leaves the office]''
:'''Funaki''': Hey, Mr. Angle, that's not fair! That's not fair!
:'''Kurt Angle''': Not fair? You're telling me it's not fair? I'll tell you what's not fair. The fact that you're a broadcast journalist and you can't even say "broadcast journalist". Go ahead, try and say it.
:'''Funaki''': I'm a ''SmackDown!''...
:'''Kurt Angle''': No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not number one announcer, say "broadcast journalist".
:''[Funaki struggles to say "broadcast journalist" then Kurt Angle grabs the microphone]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': You know what? You're a disgrace to this microphone. You're a disgrace to my ''SmackDown!''. And, Funaki, I'll tell you what's fair, YOU'RE FIRED! ''[takes Funaki's microphone]'' Now, get out! What are you doing? Get out of my office!
:''[Funaki leaves the office]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': Unfair?
<hr width"50%/>
:'''Kurt Angle''': Ladies, before you begin, there's something I need to say. Now, I've taken a heart, the fact that you feel overlooked and underutilized and I have to say there's been a major misunderstanding. See, you say that you've been underutilized. Well, I say that you're plain useless. I mean, what purpose do you serve? Wrestling in your lingerie? Nobody wants to see that! What was I thinking? So, ladies, I'm gonna spare you the indignity of wrestling in your underwear or begging for your jobs because, as of now, you no longer have jobs. Ladies, the four of you... ARE FIRED!
=== September 9 ===
:''[as the lumberjack match between Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle has turned into a brawl involving all of the lumberjacks]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Hell has broken loose on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': It's breakin' down in Tulsa, baby!
:''[suddenly the pyro goes off and Big Show's music hits]''
:'''Michael''': Wait a minute!!
:'''Tazz''': What the hell-?
:''[The Big Show arrives]''
:'''Michael''': Oh, my God! The Big Show??
:'''Tazz''': Say it ain't so!
:'''Michael''': He wasn't scheduled to be here for two weeks!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show starts mowing down the lumberjacks outside of the ring]'': Oh my God! Oh!
:'''Michael''': Big Show is on the scene! The 500-pounder is cleaning house!
:'''Tazz''': What is Big Show - oh! - what's he doin' here?! ''[as Big Show lays out Scotty 2 Hotty with a punch to the head]'' Oh!
:'''Michael''': What a right hand!
:'''Tazz''': Bodies are just flyin' everywhere!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Big Show enters the ring]'': Can you believe it?
:'''Tazz''': I can see him, larger than life itself!
:'''Michael''': ''[as Big Show grabs Hardcore Holly]'': Look out, Hardcore!
:'''Tazz''': Uh-oh! What goes up, Cole...
:'''Michael''': Chokeslam!
:'''Tazz''': ...must come down!
:'''Michael''': D-Von Dudley!
:''[Big Show throws D-Von out of the ring, then does the same to Bubba Ray Dudley]''
:'''Tazz''': ''SmackDown!'' superstars are falling hard!
:'''Michael''': With one arm, Bubba tossed over the top rope!
:''[Spike Dudley then confronts Big Show]''
:'''Tazz''': The boss!
:'''Michael''': Okay, that's right, Spike!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show grabs Spike and lifts him over his head]'': Uh-oh! The boss met his match, I think!
:'''Michael''': Uh, Spike!
:'''Tazz''': Oh my God! Watch out!
:''[Big Show throws Spike right onto the other Dudleys outside the ring]''
:'''Michael''': Thanks for coming!
:'''Tazz''': Oh, my God!
:'''Michael''': The Big Show-
:''[Big Show then chokeslams John Cena]''
:'''Tazz''': Cena!
:'''Michael''': John Cena must've been 10 feet in the air!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show punches Rey Mysterio]'': Rey Myst - oh! - Rey Mysterio got smashed there!
:'''Michael''': Can you believe Big Show is a one-man wrecking machine?
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show grabs Charlie Haas and gives him a chokeslam]'': Now, Haas! Oh, man!
:'''Michael''': A chokeslam by the Big Show to Haas!
:''[Big Show then grabs Rob Van Dam]''
:'''Tazz''': Lookin' at Van Dam now!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Big Show knocks Van Dam down with another punch]'': What a right hand!
:'''Tazz''': The Big Show...
:'''Michael''': Big Show has cleared out, all 20...
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show chokeslams Rene Dupree]'': Oh man!
:'''Michael''': ...lumberjacks!
:'''Tazz''': I-I never saw nothin' like this - never seen anything like this before! This man is on a, a rage; he's ''in'' a rage. ''[Big Show grabs Nunzio and slaps him hard on the chest]'' My God!
:'''Michael''': There's carnage everywhere!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show punches Booker T]'': Look at this, look at this! I - ''[Nunzio leaps off the turnbuckle to Big Show, only for Big Show to catch him by the throat]'' - oh!
:'''Michael''': Watch out, Nunzio!
:'''Tazz''': Nunzio's done!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Nunzio gets chokeslammed]'': Oh, my...the ring shaking!
:'''Tazz''': Look at the Big Show!
:'''Michael''': Oh, my - Eddie, Eddie...
:''[Big Show then grabs Eddie Guerrero by the throat]''
:'''Tazz''': Watch out!
:'''Michael''': Eddie!...
:'''Tazz''': Oh, no! Latino Heat! Oh, man!
:''[Big Show chokeslams Guerrero]''
:'''Michael''': Oh! Wreckage strewn throughout this arena!
:''[Big Show then turns his attention to Kurt Angle, who is still down from Guerrero putting him in the ankle lock earlier; Angle pleads as Big Show beckons him over]''
:'''Tazz''': God! Oh, my God!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Angle slowly gets up]'': I have never seen one individual dominate like this!
:'''Tazz''': I agree. And now...
:'''Michael''': Everyone in the path of the Big Show has been destroyed! And now Kurt Angle trying to beg his way out of this.
:'''Tazz''': Kurt Angle's begging off and...what's gonna happen?
:''[Big Show finally grabs Kurt Angle]''
:'''Michael''': He's not cuttin' him any slack!
:'''Tazz''': Oh, I guess not! Oh, no, he's not!...
:''[Angle gets chokeslammed]''
:'''Michael''': A major chokeslam! An Olympic-sized chokeslam!
:'''Tazz''': I am telling you the Big - ''[suddenly Luther Reigns strikes the Big Show from behind]'' - oh, what the hell was that?
:'''Michael''': Look at Luther Reigns...
:'''Tazz''': Oh, uh-oh...
:'''Michael''': Luther Reigns from behind!
:'''Tazz''': Oh man, Luther! ''[as Reigns starts landing more blows on Big Show]'' Look at Luther!
:'''Michael''': Luther Reigns, trying to take it to the Big Show!
:'''Tazz''': He's trying to knock him down!
:'''Michael''': Luther Reigns with a, with another left hand!
:''[After a few more blows by Reigns, Big Show finally grabs him by the throat]''
:'''Tazz''': Ah, man! Oh, Luther Reigns!
:''[Big Show chokeslams Reigns]''
:'''Michael''': An accent from the Big Show! ''[Big Show yells at everyone in the ring as his music plays again, then raises his right hand in the air and screams]'' Big Show was scheduled to show up in two weeks' time! Obviously, he was in no mood for that! The largest athlete in the world is back, and more dominant than ever!
:'''Tazz''': Cole, nobody is safe! ''Nobody'' is safe!
:'''Michael''': Look at the wreckage! Look at the carnage! We didn't expect the Big Show for two weeks, but he's back! The Big Show is back!
:''[Big Show raises his right hand in the air and yells out again]''
:'''Tazz''': Nobody is safe. Oh, my God...
===September 16===
:'''Michael Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Kidman. ''[Billy Kidman's music hits and Billy Kidman comes out]''
:'''Tazz''': Well there's one half of the ''former'' WWE Tag Team Champions, Billy Kidman. Let's take you back three weeks ago here on ''SmackDown!'', ''[footage from the August 26 ''SmackDown!'' is shown where Kidman gave Chavo Guerrero a concussion from a Shooting Star Press]'' when Billy Kidman did the Shooting Star Press on Chavo Guerrero, and watch the knee into the side of the temple of Chavo Guerrero, and putting Chavo out of action and putting him in the hospital. And again that was from three weeks ago, ''[footage from the previous week's ''SmackDown!'' is shown, featuring Kidman and Paul London defending the WWE Tag Team Championship against Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree]'' but then this past, this last Thursday, last week, going for the Shooting Star Press again, and this match was defending the tag team titles, and Kenzo Suzuki's there and Chavo, just like a deer in the headlights, just couldn't do it. Just couldn't do it, got down off the ropes. Couldn't hit the Shooting Star Press. And what happened after that is history. Paul London, his partner, Kidman's partner left alone to defend the WWE Tag Team Champions against Kenzo Suzuki as Billy Kidman proves he was a straight up quitter. New tag team champions, Suzuki and Dupree.
:'''Cole''': Billy, last week, I'm sure you heard the boos, when you walked out of your uh, your tag team title matchup. ''[crowd boos]'' Billy not only did you turn your back on your longtime friend and your partner Paul London, but you also walked out on the tag team championship. And Billy let's face it. I mean, let's face it. You quit, didn't you?
:'''Billy Kidman''': First of all Cole, I'm not a quitter. And I resent you calling me one. Second of all, I didn't walk out on anyone. I was trying to prevent another injury.
:'''Cole''': So you're referring to the Shooting Star Press?
:'''Kidman''': Yeah Cole, I am. And let me take this opportunity to explain that I'm the most misunderstood superstar on ''SmackDown!''. Why can't you people understand that I'm not afraid to do the Shooting Star Press? I'm afraid of hurting people. And I hurt Chavo Guerrero. I stood on the top of that turnbuckle, jumped as high as I can, and I came down, full force, right on Chavo's face. I drove his head right into the mat. It is because of me that Chavo suffered a severe concussion. But by the grace of God, Chavo will be okay, and he'll still be able to provide for his family. Yet, I'm the quitter? I'm the bad guy for not wanting to do that to another human being? Do you people really want to see me do the Shooting Star Press? ''[crowd cheers]'' You really want to see me hit that move? ''[crowd cheers]'' Are you people that bloodthirsty that you want to see someone else get hurt like that? ''[crowd cheers]'' What kind of animals are you? ''[Paul London is in the ring]''
:'''Paul London''': Misunderstood? I know I sure as hell don't have any idea where you're coming from, Billy. I mean, if you weren't ready to compete last week, then why did you agree to defend the tag team championship? You'll come out here and do an interview for the whole world to hear, but you won't even talk to me! You walked out on me! It's because of you, we lost the tag titles. Now you can deny this all you want. But you quit! Now, what do you have to say?
:'''Kidman''': To you? Nothing. ''[London slaps Kidman]''
:'''Tazz''': Well, he deserved that, and more. And I think, I think they're gonna get it on and I don't blame London one bit. I wanna see this London and Kidman go here. ''[Kidman walks out of the ring]''
=== September 30 ===
:'''Kurt Angle''': In 1996, I promised to win an Olympic gold medal despite a broken neck. In 2000, I promised to win the WWE Championship in my first year of pro wrestling. And last week, I promised a ''SmackDown!'' moment, the likes of which has never been seen before. And just like every promise I've ever made in my life, I delivered. ''[clips from September 23 shown]'' You brought this on yourself, Show. At 7' tall, 500 pounds, you can throw most anyone off a balcony and get away with it, but I'm not just anybody. I'm Kurt Angle and you don't do what you did to Kurt Angle without there being some serious consequences. The second you threw me down to the ground, the second you threw me to the ground, and my legs snapped in two, I swore retribution. And last week, I got it. I humiliated you, Show. I knocked you out, I shaved your head, and as a bonus, I got a great photo to put on all my Christmas cards this year. Take a look. ''[picture showing Kurt Angle humiliating Big Show]'' I did what everyone here has dreamed about doing, I took the big bad bully who took out an entire roster and I humiliated him like he's never been humiliated before. And I look at this crowd, I see a lot of people here that seem like they were picked on in life. And to all of you that would like to take this time to express your admiration, please feel free to do so now. ''[audience boos]'' America's heartland, pure class. I don't expect you people to recognize greatness, but there are two people who do. Two men that I have personally selected to mold and groom into my image that will be standing in my corner at No Mercy when I end the Big Show once and for all, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak.
===October 14===
''[The ''SmackDown!'' roster is gathered in the locker room]''
:'''Theodore Long''': Excuse me gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, the reason I've called you all here tonight because I know you all have heard the rumors regarding John Cena. But I'm here to dispel those rumors and to set the record straight. John Cena will not be here tonight, and it's questionable when John Cena will return to action. Now, I wanted to respect John Cena's request in keeping this matter private, but since it has already been discussed several days ago on ''Raw'' without my knowledge, that I'm here to let you know everything that I know. Now last week after leaving ''SmackDown!'', John Cena was involved in a melee at an after hours club. Now among other injuries, John Cena received several puncture wounds. Now one of the puncture wounds was to a vital organ.
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': Vital organ?
:'''Long''': One of his kidneys. Now I talked to the doctors, and they have informed me that a tremendous amount of damage was done, but they're fighting hard, and they're fighting hard every day to save his kidney. So the difficult task that faces me now is I have to move ''SmackDown!'' forward. Oh and by the way, John Cena, I received a message from him letting me know that the show must go on. And the hardcore fact of the matter is, is that this situation leaves an open question? Who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship? ''[the roster starts demanding to be named the number one contender]'' Gentlemen. Gentlemen, ladies, here's what it's going to be tonight. Here's what it's going to be tonight. Tonight, we will have an open invitation battle royal to determine who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship. Now are there any questions? If not, thank you all for coming, and gentlemen, good luck out there tonight.
:'''Carlito''': Excuse me Teddy. You know those hip hop guys like Cena? They're nothing but thugs. Sooner or later, this was bound to happen. That's not cool.
===November 18===
:'''John Cena''': The champ is back! ''[crowd cheers]'' And we right here in Dayton, Ohio! And tonight, your boy's gonna win back the United States title. Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito. He thinks he's the man, he got a little swagger, he got the walk, the talk, he's very cool. Thinks he's man enough to steal my chain. Sneak away with the title that y'all know means everything to me. Oh and check this one out! This dude's man enough to see that I'm taken care of at a nightclub. Taking this away from me. So tonight, Carlito, we gonna see if you man enough to go face to face with the franchise and still handle your business. ''[crowd chants "Cena"]'' You see, Carlito's been ducking me. But not as nowhere else to go boy. I'm about to put a whippin' on the Pillsbury fro boy. Walking out here talking like he's cool, but y'all people don't believe it yet. How is Carlito cool? He looks like a freakin' Chia pet. Hey you know what? I'm not cool. Because John Cena's on fire! A word of advice tonight before we fight, you should retire. The way he walks, the way he talks, ''[spits]'' spitting out his fruit and vegetables, I kick you so hard, you'll be chokin' on your testicles! And bring Jesus out with you! He's no bodyguard, he's fillin' space! He's so soft, he lost a fist fight to the dude from ''Will & Grace''! You embarrass me once, now it's time for the tides to switch. 'Cause everybody here knows payback is a bitch.
=== December 9 ===
:''[The Cabinet has found JBL's limo with no wheels and on blocks. JBL fumes at the sight and they are all stunned to see Eddie Guerrero on the ring with one wheel]''
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': JBL! JBL! ''Olare'' Holmes! I saw what just happened to your ride! That sucks man! Now I know you're probably back there thinking this is not my lucky day, but I got news for you Holmes,
:'''JBL''': ''[overlap]'' That tire's mine, give it back!!!
:'''Guerrero''': ...your luck has changed for the better. I just happened to know someone here in Greenville, South Carolina, that could get you a great deal on a set of wheels, ''olare''!
:'''JBL''': You have stolen my property ''[to Orlando Jordan]'' and that is thievery. That's a felony!
:'''Orlando Jordan''': It's right! It's right!
:'''Amy Weber''': Who takes wheels?!?
:'''Guerrero''': It's such a great deal, Holmes. Well, let me put it to you this way. You could even say, it's a real... steal.
:'''Jordan''': I cannot believe this, I cannot believe this.
:'''JBL''': It's a felony!
:'''Guerrero''': Now don't get upset Holmes, I know you're back there, I see you, you're back there crying, throwing a fit, really upset... But I got a little bit of advice: save those tears for Armageddon, the end of YOU, JBL!! 'Coz remember something, Holmes, you have something that belongs to me, Latino Heat and that's the WWE Championship. ''O Viva mi raza!''
:'''JBL''': ''[during Guerrero's last few words]'' This is mine, you will not get it from me!!!
== 2005 ==
=== January 13===
:'''Michael Cole''': The Bashams stole the damn titles!
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here are your winners and the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the Basham Brothers.
:'''Tazz''': JBL's co-secretaries of defense are now the new WWE Tag Team Champions.
:'''Michael Cole''': You gotta be kidding me!
:'''Tazz''': Oh, it's a reality, Cole.
:'''Michael Cole''': The guts that Rey Mysterio showed in this matchup, and he was a split-second away from winning the thing and the Bashams pulled a damn switcheroo.
:'''Tazz''': Well, shades of last week, they pulled that switcharoonie last week on Van Dam, Doug and Danny, they just did it tonight, and tonight they capitalized big time by getting the tag team titles.
:''[replay shows]''
:'''Michael Cole''': And look at Rey Mysterio, a moment away in my mind from perhaps keeping the tag team titles.
:'''Tazz''': There's the switch. That was the switch right there.
:'''Michael Cole''': But the Bashams with the switch and then the sit-out powerbomb. New tag team champions but you gotta give it up for Rey Mysterio. His partner injured and dragged out of the arena. Mysterio still tried to hang on.
:'''Tazz''': Rey did. I mean, hats off to Rey Mysterio. Hope Van Dam's physical condition of his knee is OK. Rey was caught between a rock and a hard place, but at the end of the day...
:''[JBL and the Cabinet come to celebrate the Basham Brothers tag team championship win]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh, please. I'm gonna be sick.
:'''Tazz''': Chief of Staff, look at this. Big party down, new tag team champs in the Cabinet. Wow.
:'''Michael Cole''': So, JBL has the WWE gold. The Bashams, the tag team gold. Just what the Cabinet needs: more gold around their waist. Now we're gonna have to live with this.
===January 27===
:''[John "Bradshaw" Layfield and Kurt Angle have battled to a draw in a Last Man Standing match as Theodore Long watches backstage]''
:'''Theodore Long''': Thanks dog, for giving me the idea of this match. ''[Big Show is standing behind Long]''
:'''Big Show''': Kurt. JBL. Come on, wake up! Get up! Over here! Look over here! Kurt Angle, down and out. JBL, down and out. What was it you guys said a couple weeks ago? What was it? I love it when a plan comes together? Boys, I will be at the Royal Rumble. And believe me, I will be the next WWE Champion.
=== February 10 ===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Listen up, guys. This is a very big night for all three of us. My road to main event in my third straight WrestleMania begins right here tonight. When I make Rey Mysterio tap in this tournament match, and I will, I just wish someone here would've soften them up last week when I asked them to.
:'''Mark Jindrak''': Look...
:'''Angle''': Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no excuses. Nonetheless, when I beat Rey Mysterio tonight, I'm going straight to the finals at No Way Out, baby, and thanks to my boys, you guys made sure there wasn't a winner in the Undertaker match, which means I don't have a semi-final match. I'm going straight to the finals. You guys make me proud, I love you guys.
:'''Luther Reigns''': Look, Angle, what we did last week, that was nothing. I'm sick every time Undertaker's name being mentioned around here, all these punks bowing down. Well, Luther Reigns, he don't bow down to nobody.
:'''Angle''': You damn right.
:'''Reigns''': Hell, even that looney tune Heidenreich, he got a whacked out when he seen them caskets. I mean, he's already whacked out, what am I saying?
:'''Angle''': Wacko.
:'''Reigns''': Look, Angle, I've had my throat cut ear to ear. I've been shot. I've been stabbed in a prison riot. I was locked down 23 hours a day, 7 days a week for 5 calendars. 5 calendars, Angle. I've had so much blood on me, you couldn't even tell what color my skin was. I've stared death in the eyes more times than I can remember. So when it comes to the Undertaker, I ain't scared of no caskets, and I damn sure ain't scared of no deadman.
:'''Angle''': Now, that's the intensity I want. That's the intensity that's gonna bring home the gold tonight. You guys are gonna go out there and you're gonna win the WWE Tag Team Championships from the Bashams. You got it? Now let's go do it!
:'''Reigns''': Damn right.
:'''Angle''': That's right, you're damn right.
:'''Reigns''': Let's roll, Jindrak.
=== March 3 ===
:'''Michael Cole''': And look at this! ''[JBL whacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt]'' JBL with the championship off the skull of John Cena! The referee never saw it! The damn champion with the title off the skull of Cena! ''[Orlando Jordan crawling to Cena to cover him]'' Orlando Jordan crawling toward the cover! Not this way! ''[the referee makes the count]'' Not this way! Dammit!
:''[bell rings]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here is your winner and the new United States Champion, Orlando Jordan!
:'''Michael Cole''': You gotta be kidding me! This whole "Cabinet leaving" garbage was a damn joke!
:'''Tazz''': Hooked us! Hook, line, and sinker! Hooked everyone, you, me, everybody here! JBL, like it or not, the man's a damn genius! We thought he split the arena! We thought he left!
:'''Michael Cole''': Uh-uh.
:'''Tazz''': A new United States champ? Wow!
:'''Michael Cole''': A masterful plan, hatched by the champion, JBL, to take the United States Championship from John Cena. JBL and his Cabinet, with a diabolical scheme tonight, to take the title from Cena. Orlando Jordan is the new United States Champion.
=== March 10 ===
:'''JBL''': Every single week! Every single week, we have done something so freakin' awesome that we have to come out here and let you relish in our greatness! And this week is certainly no different. I never get tired of this. This week, we're gonna celebrate a man who exemplifies what the Cabinet stands for: greatness, dignity, courage, respect. A man who, last week, single handedly, by himself, one-on-one, mano y mano destroyed John Cena! That man is your United States Champion, the greatest athlete in ''SmackDown!'' history, Mr. Orlando Jordan!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting] CENA!''
:'''Michael Cole''': The "Cena" chants begin.
:'''JBL''': I understand Virginia is a little backward, but you're chanting for the loser. Chant the winner's name, OJ. You see, because there's a lot about OJ you don't know. OJ grew up with many brothers and many sisters. OJ grew up in the inner city. OJ realized at a young age that he could be like you people out here and that he could be paying to see me. OJ didn't want that, so he did the right thing. He turned his back on his family. He turned his back on his inner city. He wanted greatness in his life, and here he stands right now, your United States Champion, with you people out there, him in here! And tonight, you will see that greatness has no bounds. Tonight, you will see all the gold come to the Cabinet. You see, I'm a wrestling god, and gods must be adorned with gold. So tonight, Rey Mysterio, you and Eddie Guerrero... tonight, you will face the Cabinet. And tonight, you will see why we are successful and you are not, because we hold ourselves to a standard that you cannot possibly fathom! We hold ourselves to a standard that is so high, most of you never see it. Tonight, you will realize what is class and what is not, and why common people never stand here with championships.''[Turns to Orlando Jordan]'' What is that thing you're carrying?
:'''Orlando Jordan''': Why, JBL, I believe this is what John Cena used to call ''[spins the plate on the belt]'' his United States Championship title.
:'''JBL''': Looks to me like some little bling-bling sideshow, like a hubcap that these kids, instead of putting money in their education, put on their cars. That, I find disgusting. That, for the time-honored tradition of sports entertainment, must be destroyed. The Bashams, the Secretaries of Defense, would you please do me a favor and get the trash can and the stairs, please?
:''[The Bashams bring the top half of the ringside steps into the ring and place a trash can in front of it]''
:'''Michael''': "Trash can and stairs"? What's going on?
:'''JBL''': You people are about to understand why it is sometimes good for America that the rich keep the common down.
:'''Michael''': Bashams brought stairs in the... now there's a trash can.
:'''JBL''': That belt right there is everything I find reprehensible, everything I ''hate'' about John Cena! He has taken a time-honored tradition like the United States Championship and he has made it into a sideshow freak ride! For that, that must be destroyed, just like at WrestleMania, John Cena will not only be destroyed but he will bow at the feet of greatness! John Cena talks about street cred? I own the damn street! ''[Orlando hands the belt to JBL, who lays it into the trash can and takes a remote from Danny Basham]'' Just like your career, Cena...''[JBL turns one switch on the remote]'' up...in...smoke.
:''[He turns the second switch, which triggers an explosion inside the trash can]''
:'''Tazz''': WHOA!
:'''Michael''': You've gotta be kidding me. Cena's championship was in there.
:'''JBL''': Orlando, that piece of trash was destroyed. I had something flown in from WWE Headquarters, the WWE Vault, worthy of you. ''[Doug Basham holds out a briefcase, which JBL opens and takes out the traditional United States Championship]'' Ladies and gentlemen, to a great American. To a man with class, something with class. The greatest athlete in ''SmackDown!'' history. ''[He hands the title over to Orlando]'' Give it up for Orlando Jordan, your United States Champion! ''[Orlando and JBL stand on the steps hoisting their respective titles high]'' Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you your United States Champion, Orlando Jordan, your future Tag Team Champions, and the WWE Heavyweight Champion, John "Bradshaw" Layfield!
===March 24===
:''[John "Bradshaw" Layfield and John Cena are having a debate with Theodore Long moderating]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Now Teddy Long, I want you to explain to him the rules you made last week are still in effect. If you touch me, you lowlife SOB, you lose your chance to face me at WrestleMania! Tell him Teddy! Tell him!
:'''Theodore Long''': That's right, JBL. Now Cena, if you lay a hand on JBL, you will lose your opportunity to face JBL for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania.
:'''Tazz''': That's not fair.
:'''Long''': But however, JBL, if you physically provoke John Cena, then he has the right to retaliate.
:'''Michael Cole''': Now that is fair.
:'''Long''': Now, now what that means if you strike John Cena, then John Cena can strike back. Ya feel me? So it is time for the debate. Now there are three questions, and the first question is for you, JBL. Now, what makes you believe you're more qualified to be the WWE Champion?
:'''JBL''': First of all, Theodore, I would like to thank you, and I would like to thank all of ''SmackDown!'', and I would like to thank all of the great fans right here in Memphis, Tennessee, for holding this debate. Go Grizzlies! And I would like to answer the question. What makes me deserve to be a champion more than my opponent, John Cena. You see, America needs heroes, and I have filled that role. I have vanquished all my opponents, and I have become stronger by doing it. I am the ideal American success story from a great family, independently wealthy from a great school. I have a reason for all you people to look up to ''SmackDown!'' because of me. And I understand there's a champion on the other show that says that he is a ten-time world champion. What that means to me is, he lost nine times. I am the only champion in the history of professional wrestling that has never lost this championship! I have held this championship longer than anybody in over ten years! Including that same guy on the other show. That, Teddy Long, is why I deserve, and why I am what I say I am, a wrestling God.
:'''Long''': John Cena, same question.
:'''John Cena''': Before I can even answer that question, what makes me more qualified to be champ, I gotta turn that back around you, because you're, you're some sort of "wrestling God", I mean, you've been, you're the champ, nah, you've been champ for quite a long time. You're independently wealthy, a huge success story. Why would someone as successful as you drive to the ring in a broke-down ''[beep]'' limosuine?
:'''Tazz''': What?
:'''Cena''': Why? Why?
:'''JBL''': There's nothing wrong with that limosuine!
:'''Cena''': Hey man, hey don't sugarcoat it. Let's go take a look. ''[Cena gets out of the ring and approaches JBL's limosuine]'' I mean, uh, first things first homey. ''[Cena punches a spike into one of the limo's tires, flattening it]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh whoa whoa!
:'''JBL''': TEDDY LOOK WHAT HE DID TO MY CAR!
:'''Cena''': You got a flat tire. Huh? Huh, you the champ! How you gonna ride in a limo with a flat tire man?
:'''JBL''': THAT IS VANDALISM! YOU SHOULD BE THROWN IN JAIL! TEDDY LONG, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, YOU'RE THE GENERAL MANAGER!
:'''Long''': Hey! Hey, he's not touching you. He hasn't laid a hand on you.
:'''Cena''': I'm just -- I'm, I'm just statin' the facts, playa! And, and the, the paint job, man. What's up with the paint job? Come out in this bust-''[beep]'' limo with a flat tire and the scuffed up paint. I can't even believe you didn't catch that!
:'''JBL''': There's nothing wrong with that paint job, Cena.
:'''Cena''': Nah man, you ain't looking at it right. ''[pulls out a can of spray paint]''
:'''Cole''': Oh no.
:'''Cena''': You see, when I look at it, ''[spray paints "JBL SUCKS" on the side of the limo]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh God, oh!
:'''JBL''': WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! You're a, you're a punk criminal!
:'''Cena''': I see a limo that says JBL sucks! JBL sucks! Dude, JBL is you! You drove out here in a limo that says JBL sucks!
:'''JBL''': THAT'S A $200,000 CAR!
:'''Cena''': You know, ''[crowd chants "JBL sucks"]'' you know, between that limo fiasco and this hostile crowd here in Memphis, ''[crowd cheers]'' if I was you I'd, well I'd just do somethin' about that.
:'''JBL''': You better show me some respect you...
:'''Cena''': You gonna hit me?
:'''Long''': Hey, JBL.
:'''Cena''': You gonna hit me, you gonna do somethin'? Go on. Go on, throw a punch.
:'''Long''': Hey.
:'''Cena''': Go on, throw a punch here, big daddy! Come on!
:'''Long''': You can do something if you want to.
:'''JBL''': I'm ready for the next question.
:'''Long''': Well, then let's move on.
:'''Tazz''': JBL's holding his cool.
:'''Long''': JBL, how important is one's social and economic upbringing in being a champion?
:'''JBL''': Apparently it's real damn important! Look at what that criminal just did to my car! You see, there's a reason that punk criminals like him, the only way he makes it to my car, is if you drive me! There's a reason that people like you are kept down by the rich, 'cause that's what's better for America! You mock what you don't understand, and quite honestly, you're jealous, because the only way you know you'll have money like me is if you win the lottery, or you turn to crime! So I'll tell you what, at WrestleMania, I'm gonna turn to crime too. I'm gonna rob you of your dreams. I'm gonna rob you of your hopes, and I'm gonna rob you of your dignity when I make you, you Cena, BOW DOWN and worship at the feet of a wrestling God!
:'''Long''': John Cena, you're up playa.
:'''Cena''': Sounds like somebody crapped in your Cheerios this morning, homey. But, but you got a point. I mean, uh, this whole economic thing, maybe I, maybe I just lost my head. I guess what you're trying to say is I got, I got no respect, you know, for the championship.
:'''JBL''': You got no class!
:'''Cena''': I got no class, I mean, look at how I'm dressed, I guess. I mean, I mean I think I'm doing all right, are we good or what? ''[crowd cheers]'' But whoa wait wait wait, don't put your panties in a bunch. There're some people that think we should act a certain way, that we should dress a certain way, so, I'm a man of peace. I mean, we can probably solve all this if we just wore a suit and tie, right? ''[crowd boos]''
:'''JBL''': You would look a lot better in a tie. Right now you look like a piece of crap!
:'''Cena''': Well, let me see, I'd look better in a tie. ''[takes out a pair of scissors]'' Let's just see if that works.
:'''JBL''': Hey hey hey, Teddy! You can't touch me! You, you, WrestleMania. You lo-- ''[Cena touches JBL's tie with the scissors, then cuts the tie off his shirt]''
:'''Cena''': So a tie would look better huh? ''[puts the tie on]'' Oh no, I feel like a manger in this, this feel sucks! ''[throws the tie]'' Oh, but oh dog, that was, that was yours, and after the, after the car thing, oof! And the tie, you're probably pretty mad right now, huh? You probably wanna do somethin' don't ya? Maybe throw a punch? Maybe hit me? If I hit you, I can't go to WrestleMania, but uh, then again, I'm not the one looking like a total jerk so maybe, ''[JBL removes his jacket]'' you know maybe you wanna do something about it.
:'''Cole''': Uh-oh.
:'''Cena''': Maybe, maybe you wanna throw a punch. ''[closes his eyes and tries to get JBL to attack him, but JBL refuses]''
:'''JBL''': No. No, I'm not playing your games. You do not outthink the master. At WrestleMania, you will have all you want. But till then, son, play your stupid games.
:'''Long''': John Cena, the next question is for you. Now, I wanna ask you this playa. What do you need --
:'''Cena''': What do I need to do to get this punk ''[beep]'' over here to swing at me? Well now, that's an important question. And one I think we need to address. What if right here right now, I prove the wrestling God, the champion of champions, a man of class, JBL to be nothing but a liar?
:'''JBL''': I don't lie!
:'''Cena''': Oh hey hey hey, have faith in your boy, I can pull it off. Now, mon senior Theodore Long, watch closely. 'Cause I'm not gonna touch you, y'all.
:'''JBL''': You better not touch -- ''[Cena removes JBL's hat]''
:'''Cena''': But I am gonna touch your ten-gallon hat. Oh yo, this is nice dude. This is-- ''[puts the hat on his head]'' No, this ain't exactly my style or nothing but I mean, you can tell the craftsmanship, everything is there is it? Is this Gucci?
:'''JBL''': It's a thousand-dollar Stetson.
:'''Cena''': Okay then we know that this is probably a ten-gallon hat right?
:'''JBL''': I hate you.
:'''Cena''': Uh uh.
:'''JBL''': I hate you, you --
:'''Cena''': I'll take that as a yes, ten-gallon hat. Well let's do something. Let's see how many gallons this hat's gonna hold. ''[grabs a pitcher of water]''
:'''Tazz''': That's a thousand-dollar hat! ''[Cena pours water into the hat]''
:'''Cole''': Oh my!
:'''Long''': He's not touching you. ''[Cena grabs another pitcher of water and pours the water into the hat]''
:'''Cena''': Dude that ain't even close to one gallon. That means your ''[beep]'' ass is a liar. Oh by the way, I'm done with your hat, you can have it back. ''[puts the water filled hat on JBL's head, drenching him]'' Oh! Oh! OH NO! Look at you man, you look like you done had an accident all over yourself. They, they make diapers for that sort of stuff, I mean, you got problems with how they, oh look at you!
:'''JBL''': I'm gonna kick your ''[beep]'' at WrestleMania.
:'''Cena''': You gonna show me what you're gonna do at WrestleMania?
:'''JBL''': At WrestleMania, I'm gonna --
:'''Cena''': Then show me what you gonna do at WrestleMania! Come on! Right here, you throw a punch and I swear I will knock the hell out of you! ''[crowd chants "Cena" but JBL doesn't attack Cena]'' You ain't gonna do nothing are ya? ''[laughs]'' Just like I thought. But I bet you stand there thinking that you're uh, clever for not playing my games. You look ridiculous. And as clever as you think you are, ''[pulls out a can of yellow spray paint]'' well I think you're something else.
:'''Cole''': Now what? ''[Cena goes behind JBL]''
:'''Cena''': ''[shakes the spray paint can]'' I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. ''[spray paints a yellow line on the back of JBL's shirt]''
:'''Cole''': Oh my God!
:'''Tazz''': This is ridiculous! ''[JBL angrily turns around]''
:'''Cena''': You know what? You know what? Seeing the world that I come from, and the world that we come from, there's people who talk about it, and then there's people who be about it. WrestleMania 21, ''[pulls out a can of red spray paint]'' let me give you a little preview of what's gonna happen to you. ''[spray paints "F-U" on the front of JBL's shirt]'' A-ha!
=== April 7 ===
:'''John Cena''': The champ...is here. JBL, Wrestling God, longest running WWE Champion in the last decade, has survived the Triple Threat match, the Fatal Four-Way match, has beat The Undertaker, beat Eddie Guerrero in a steel cage, and then again in a Texas Bullrope match, survived The Big Show in a Barbed Wire Steel Cage match. But the champ is here. ''[crowd chants "Cena!"]'' I'm supposed to be a thug. I don't talk like a champion. They say I don't, I don't fit the dress code, but I think I'm doing alright. It's been said that I'm not a superstar because I'm putting myself on the same level as the people I fight for. This one's good. I have no respect for this business and I have no respect for its championships. You see, when I uh, modified the United States Championship, apparently, wrestling traditionalists and JBL got a little offended. Well I got news for you. Take a look. Take a last look at your ''[holds WWE Championship]'' coveted prize, because if you think what we did to the U.S. title was disrespectful, hell you better lock the dog at the country club! Because the champ is here! ''[crowd chants "Cena" as Cena approaches the crowd]'' Listen. You hear that? I said, do you hear that? ''[crowd cheers as Cena walks into the audience]'' Look around! This is what we do! ''[crowd cheers]'' So it don't matter if you're Booker T, Kurt Angle, Big Show, JBL, hell it don't matter if you're the Brooklyn Brawler, Iron Mike Sharp, SD Jones or Steve Gatorwolf, our time is now! This is the Chain Gang! And we ain't hard to find. You want some, come get some, because the champ is here!
=== May 12 ===
:''[Eddie Guerrero arrives and sits on a chair in the middle of the ring, one week after turning on Rey Mysterio]''
:'''Eddie''': You know...all over the country, people have been asking me, "Why, Eddie, why? Why did you do to Rey Mysterio, what you did to him, last week?" Plain and simple, I gave him what he wanted. He wanted a fight, I gave him a fight! I gave him the fight of his life! And do you think that makes me happy?? ''[looking at Rey's bloody mask which he kept from the previous week]'' DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME...HAPPY?! I didn't want to do it, Rey, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO IT?! ''Por qué''? It's your fault!! ''Es tu culpa'', Rey! ''[the crowd starts an "Eddie sucks" chant]'' I never wanted to lay a hand on you! And look what you made me do! But you know what, Rey? Blessings come in disguises, ''ese''. You see, I realized something last week, homes. My eyes were open. And I realized what you were doing. And not only you... ''[standing up and addressing the audience]'' ...ALL of these people. ''[the crowd boos]'' I realized, that each and every one of you, were living vicariously through me! You were stealing my passion, my love, my energy! You were stealing my Latino Heat! But as of last week...not anymore, 'cause I got it back! I got it ALL back! And I like it! I like what I'm feeling, Rey. ''[sitting back down in the chair]'' So I got a little piece of advice for you, homes. See, nothing and no one is going to ever, ever, take away my Latino Heat again! So I want you to listen, real close. ''[camera zooms in closer on Eddie]'' Come in, a little closer. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!! ''Quiero que piensas'', I want you to think, think of your family. Aalyah and Dominik, your son and your daughter. Don't make me...hurt them, Rey. Don't make me...hurt their daddy again, ''ese''! Don't make me...take...away...their ''papá''! 'Cause I promise you this, ''ese'': you promised to make your return at Judgment Day...I advise against it. You return at Judgment Day, remember...right now, I have your blood on my hands. At Judgment Day, if you come back, I'll have your life!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[later on that night, after getting disqualified for hitting a brain buster on Jimmy Jacobs, whom Eddie made wear Rey's mask, on a steel chair]''
:'''Eddie''' ''[ripping Rey's mask off Jimmy and addressing it again]'': Judgment Day, it's mine, baby! You better not show up on Judgment Day, or your kids aren't gonna have a daddy! ''Órale''!!
===May 26===
:'''Kurt Angle''': This is a dark time in the life of your Olympic hero. You see, at Judgment Day, not only did I lose to an inferior man to me, Booker T, but I was also embarrassed by his gutter-(bleep) wife, Sharmell. And I am ashamed of that. It was a joke. But it's not the only joke going on around here. Apparently Vince McMahon was sitting in his office one day, and he asked himself, how can I flush a bunch of money down the toilet and disgrace everything that wrestling stands for? I know. Bring back ECW. Now that's a freakin' brilliant idea. ''[crowd chants "ECW"]'' ECW can kiss my (bleep). See people, I know wrestling! I eat, sleep and breathe wrestling, and ECW is not real wrestling. ECW is garbage! Oh I know, I know firsthand. I was at an ECW event after I won an Olympic gold medal back in 1996, and it was so horrible and disgusting, that I left halfway through the event and vowed that I would never return again. But it looks like I'm gonna return one last time. That's right, I'm gonna buy a bunch of tickets just like Bischoff on ''Raw'', and I'm gonna lead a group of ''SmackDown!'' volunteers to ruin ECW, just like it ruined the sport I love! And Tazz, I'm gonna bounce around your ECW buddies just like Paul Heyman bounces checks. ''[Tazz removes his headset and angrily stares at Angle]''
===June 9===
:'''Kurt Angle''': You know everyone knows where I stand with Sharmell and Booker T. But Tazz, I want to know where you stand with ECW's One Night Stand. Are you gonna side with me and the WWE? You know, the company that signs your paychecks and puts food on the table? Are you gonna side with the ECW and let your foolish pride get in the way? That's an easy answer, Tazz. But I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you until the end of the evening to make up your mind.
===June 16===
:''[Randy Orton has helped JBL defeat The Undertaker in a No Disqualification match]''
:'''Randy Orton''': Undertaker! Undertaker! Undertaker, you've just been RKO'd. You better get used to it, because the legend killer is officially on ''SmackDown!''.
===June 30===
:'''Theodore Long''': Last week, I made this SmackDown! championship match a six-man elimination match! Well, with The Big Show being drafted to ''Raw'', you lose one and you gain one, playa. So the sixth man for this match will be the latest draft lottery pick. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, Christian! ''[Christian's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Christian?!
:'''Tazz''': Christian? No!
:'''Cole''': Captain Charisma?
:'''Tazz''': ''[Christian comes out]'' Yeah there he is! Oh wait a minute! Christian!
:'''Cole''': Got a shot at the SmackDown! championship here tonight on his first night on ''SmackDown!''.
<hr width=50%>
:''[JBL has defeated Booker T, Chris Benoit, Christian, Muhammad Hassan, and The Undertaker in a six-man elimination match, seemingly winning the SmackDown! Championship]''
:'''Theodore Long''': JBL, I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news for you, playa.
:'''Michael Cole''': What?
:'''Long''': Now, the bad news is, even though you won the match, you are not the SmackDown! champion.
:'''Cole''': What?!
:'''Tazz''': What the hell?
:'''Long''': You know something playa? Recently, I found out that there's no need for a ''SmackDown!'' championship. Now the good news is, that you have earned the right to be the new number one contender to this man. Now ladies and gentlemen, everybody get ready to show your love for the final draft lottery pick and World Champion, Batista! ''[Batista's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': What the hell?!!
:'''Cole''': Oh, my!
:'''Tazz''': Is this a joke? What the hell's going on here?
:'''Cole''': No, it's not a joke! He's the, the, the latest draft lottery pick!
:'''Tazz''': Where is he? I'll believe it when I see it ''[Batista comes out]'' and oh my God, I believe it! Holy...I don't, this is great!
:'''Cole''': ''SmackDown!'' has hit the jackpot!
:'''Tazz''': Holy cow!
:'''Cole''': The World Heavyweight Champion has come to ''SmackDown!''. Oh my God!
:'''Tazz''': Pinch me! I can't believe it! Batista, the World Heavyweight Champion, on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Cole''': This is the man who, who four nights ago, beat Triple H in Hell in a Cell! This is the man, who three times, beat Triple H! This is the man who won the title at WrestleMania, and Batista is on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': Shocking! Shocking! Amazing historic moment for ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Cole''': And I don't believe anybody is as shocked as JBL, who moments ago, was elated at winning the SmackDown! title, only to find out that he's the number one contender for that championship, the World Heavyweight title. Oh my! Batista has come to ''SmackDown!''. Good night everybody, from a historic night in Anaheim!
===July 14===
:'''[[w:Tommaso Ciampa|Thomas Whitney]] (Muhammad Hassan's attorney)''': My name is Thomas Whitney, Esq., and I am the legal counsel for Mr. Muhammad Hassan. Mr. Hassan has authorized me to read this statement on his behalf. Mr. Hassan has endured so much emotional distress as a result of the vitriolic hatred he has encountered over the last week. As a result, he has chosen to take a leave of absence from ''SmackDown!''. I'd like to remind you that Mr. Hassan is as American as each and every one of you. He has the same rights and privileges under the First Amendment, including freedom of expression. And it is a sad day in America, in which someone like my client has found me to retain an attorney to protect his fundamental rights to freedom of speech, and freedom from discrimination. Like all other Americans, you should not be prejudiced against Mr. Hassan or his manager, Khosrow Daivari. Therefore, my client will never again appear here on ''SmackDown!'', until such time as he defeats The Undertaker at a pay-per-view, ironically enough, called The Great American Bash. And furthermore, my client will no longer be appearing on -- ''[The Undertaker's music hits and The Undertaker makes his entrance]''
:'''Michael Cole''': It appears as though Thomas Whitney, esquire, Muhammad Hassan's attorney is about to personally meet The Undertaker.
:'''Tazz''': This could be an interesting rebuttal, Cole. Well, law school ain't prepared for this.
:'''Cole''': I, I don't think Hassan's attorney has, has any idea what to think about all this. ''[Undertaker enters the ring]'' In ten days at The Great American Bash, that man, The Undertaker will meet Muhammad Hassan for the opportunity to meet the World Heavyweight Champion. A number one contender's match at the Bash.
:'''Tazz''': Think that attorney's got cottonmouth? ''[Undertaker approaches and corners Whitney]''
:'''Whitney''': Sir. Sir, I do not know your intentions. But sir, need I remind you, that I am not a wrestler, sir. I am an attorney. ''[Undertaker grabs Whitney by the throat]''
:'''Tazz''': Come on, Taker wait. No don't do this!
:'''Cole''': He's an attorney! ''[Undertaker chokeslams Whitney]'' Oh man! Undertaker just chokeslammed Muhammad Hassan's attorney.
:'''Tazz''': I, this guy's not a wrestler. I don't, ''[Undertaker signals for the Tombstone]'' Someone's gotta stop this man.
:'''Cole''': Who's gonna stop him, Tazz? This is ridiculous. Undertaker may very well -- ''[Undertaker prepares to deliver a Tombstone Piledriver to Whitney]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh god, oh no no!
:'''Cole''': Not the Tombstone Piledriver!
:'''Tazz''': No Taker no! No no! ''[Undertaker tombstones Whitney]''
:'''Cole''': Oh my! I dare say Tazz, that the, The Undertaker's crossed the line here.
:'''Tazz''': I don't think he gives a rat's you-know-what about crossing the line. I'll tell you Cole, I don't know how much money Muhammad Hassan pays his attorney, but it's definitely not enough.
===August 4===
:'''Randy Orton''': WrestleMania 21. It was supposed to be my night. My time. I was supposed to beat the biggest, baddest legend ever. I was going to beat The Undertaker. But fate intervened, fate decided to intervene, and that didn't happen. Well guess what? Fate repaid the favor, and I'm standing before you on ''SmackDown!'', able to get what I want. Able to get what I deserve! Able to get what I need. I need to beat The Undertaker. Now The Undertaker's been with the WWE for fifteen years. Fifteen long years, and he's achieved legendary status. The Undertaker is a legend! Oh, but guess what? I'm the Legend Killer. All the victims of The Undertaker, they were great. They were great men, but all the victims, all the men that I've defeated in this ring, all those men have been legends. At WrestleMania 21, The Undertaker took away any chance at my immortality. So I've decided to take away everything possibly that I could take away from The Undertaker, and that started last week on ''SmackDown!'', when I took away his chance at becoming World Champion. I DESPISE THE UNDERTAKER! I spit in the face of The Undertaker's legacy! My legacy, my legacy was flourished by every legend that I dropped with the RKO. My legacy will live long, long after I'm gone. It carried through last year's SummerSlam, when I became the youngest World Heavyweight Champion of all time. And at this year's SummerSlam, simply this, I'm going to get what I need. Undertaker, it's time for me to catch what I let slip through my fingers. I will not rest until I beat you. I will not rest until you're on the long list of legends that I've defeated. I will not rest, Undertaker, so what's it gonna be? You and me, SummerSlam, I know you can hear me, do you understand? But I know you're around. I know you're around. What's it gonna be? I want an answer! I want an answer, Taker. Right now damn it, I demand an answer! You and me at SummerSlam! What you say? Come on! I know you can hear me! Where you at?! Come on! ''[The Undertaker's gong sounds]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh my!
:'''Tazz''': Be careful what you ask for! Careful, be careful what you ask for, Cole! ''[The words "RKO" appear on the Titantron]''
:'''The Undertaker''': Randy Orton. You want a legacy? SummerSlam. You will rest...in...peace.
===November 18===
:'''Batista''': If I know anything about Eddie Guerrero, I know that he would hate to see me in this ring crying like a little baby. Well, Eddie I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I just...I just can't believe you're gone. ''[starts crying]'' I've been thinking all day, you know, I really don't know what to say. I don't even know if I'm the right man to be out here to be speaking about Eddie, but...I want you to know two things about Eddie. The first thing is he loved his family. He loved his family. Now Eddie had a lot of demons, he had a lot of troubles in his past. And Eddie fought his way back from Hell to win back his family. And I respect the hell out of him for doing that. The second thing, you guys already know this, but I wanna make it clear. The second thing is Eddie Guerrero loved this business. He loved this business, he ate, he breathed, he slept, he bled this business! And no matter how much pain he was in, when he stepped through that curtain, all the pain, it just went away. And he found peace in this ring. ''[crowd chants "Eddie"]'' My one comfort, my one saving grace is that I know that Eddie's found peace. I know Eddie's with God. But call me a selfish son of a (bleep), call me anything you want, 'cause I'd give anything to have Eddie back right here. I miss the hell out of him. Eddie Guerrero, I miss you, and I love you. And I will make sure that these people, everywhere around the world, remember you.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Big Show''': Eddie was very, very spiritual. Um, a great, great dad. Um, every time I saw him around his kids, he was just...so full of life and so...just full of joy 'cause he was so proud of his family. Eddie was so thankful to God for all of it. Um, my only comfort in losing a friend...is knowing that he's with God now. And all the pain, and all the things that he endured, he's with God now, he's safe. He's loved. I know this is not right, but I can't believe Eddie's gone. I love you bro. And there'll be another one like you. You were awesome.
===December 2===
:'''Randy Orton''': I didn't come out here to brag about what I did to The Undertaker. I don't need to. I'm, I'm not an arrogant man. What I did to Undertaker speaks for itself. ''[points to the SmackDown! titantron that was destroyed and is covered with tape]'' Any of you here coming to this arena thinking that there's just a small chance you might see Undertaker rise from the ashes, WELL GUESS WHAT, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! It's over, he's done! His legacy is dead. I killed him. I KILLED THE UNDERTAKER! ''[crowd boos]'' The only true phenom now in the WWE...is me. And I deserve something for what I've accomplished. I deserve the World Heavyweight Championship. You think I don't? Do you disagree with me?! ''[crowd cheers]'' You disagree with me?! Well guess what, the one man that three years in a row was the sole survivor at the Survivor Series match, you're looking at him! The youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history! You're looking at him! A third-generation superstar! Guess what, you're looking at him! ''[crowd boos]'' The man that killed the phenom, The Undertaker. You're looking at him. You people disagree? Well your opinions mean nothing to me, whatsoever. ''[crowd chants "asshole"]'' Batista! ''[crowd cheers]'' I'm calling you out. I want a World Heavyweight Championship match. And I don't want one at Armageddon. I demand one at Armageddon!
:'''Tazz''': Wow.
:'''Orton''': And I will become the World Heavyweight Champion. It's not arrogance, people. It's destiny.
== 2006 ==
===January 20===
:'''Daivari''': Well, I told you what was gonna happen out here. We'll be screwed up. But Kurt, I should have said, you were the one that was gonna get screwed. I am now the manager of the World's Strongest Man, and next World Heavyweight Champion, Mark Henry.
:'''Michael Cole''': What?
:'''Tazz''': What the hell is going on here? Daivari's Henry's manager?
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh my God.
:'''Tazz''': I never saw this coming. Angle got...I...I...did he get double-crossed here? Is Daivari now manager of Mark Henry?
:'''Michael Cole''': I'd love to know what the hell happened, but the bottom line is Daivari is managing Mark Henry.
:'''Tazz''': Daivari knows Kurt Angle so well, Cole.
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, nine days away from the Rumble, the #1 contender Mark Henry ended up himself as a serious threat but now with Daivari added to the mix, Kurt Angle's reign may be in trouble. As Daivari said, this ''is'' screwed up.
===February 24===
:'''Randy Orton''': ''[clears throat]'' Please, please. Now, I'm not the kind of guy to come out here and say, "I told you so." But I told you so. I'm gonna compete for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania. Rey Mysterio is not. All of Rey's hopes, dreams, fantasies of having a storybook victory over me were shattered. It didn't matter who was cheering for him and it didn't matter who he dedicated his match to. I had destiny on my side. SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I had destiny on my side, a destiny, my destiny, that will be fulfilled at WrestleMania when I become the World Heavyweight Champion. Now, Kurt Angle, you're lucky, man, because that's what it took, luck, to beat the Undertaker at No Way Out and all the luck in the world couldn't help you at WrestleMania when you step in the ring with me! And when I become world champion, I will take my rightful place at the top of this business. A business that my family built. You see, my grandfather was the greatest wrestler of his generation. My father was the greatest wrestler of his generation. And when I become World Champion, I will prove to everybody that I am the greatest wrestler of my generation. Not Kurt Angle, not the Undertaker, not Rey Mysterio, not the late, great Eddie Guerrero, no, no, no! I am without peers. Nobody is better than Randy Orton. Nobody is better than me. You people can chant what you want. You people can say whatever.. ''[Chavo Guerrero attacks Randy Orton]''
===May 12===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Comesta, amigos? You got it all wrong, folks. I came out here to applaud Rey Mysterio, our World Champion. You see he's a typical, tough Mexican fighter, who has, whoa what you call it? ''Machismo''. Last week, he promised he would take on all comers. And indeed he did. He took on the world's strongest... ''[crowd chants "619"]''
:'''Michael Cole''': The "619" chants in honor of Mysterio.
:'''JBL''': I'm surprised you know the numbers in English. ''[crowd boos]'' Last week, Rey Mysterio kept his word, and took on the world's strongest man, Mark Henry. ''[chuckles]'' And lost. ''[laughs]'' I guess Mark hadn't heard of ''machismo''. Well this week, YOU, YOU WANNA THANK ME! If it hadn't been for me, Rey Mysterio would've been squashed like a cockroach underneath Mark Henry! This week, we'll see if he keeps his word again, and takes on all comers, or if Rey Mysterio is el polio, a chicken. We'll see if Rey Mysterio takes his little inner tube and goes back to Mexico. But we all know our little underdog champion has more heart than brains. So tonight, ''[crowd chants "619"]'' I am wearing the American flag, something you people on strike should start observing! Now shut your mouth and show me some respect! ''[crowd boos]'' Tonight your little hometown hero, San Diego's own, Rey Mysterio, ''[crowd cheers]'' cheer for him now, because tonight, he has The Great Khali. But it doesn't end there Rey. Because Judgment Day, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock is coming. Remember, Rey, I am the one who took the WWE Championship. I am the one who defeated Eddie Guerrero! ''[crowd boos, then chants "Eddie"]'' Oh, Eddie was great. I was just better. I am the one who also ''[raises his WWE United States Championship]'' took this championship from Chris Benoit! And May 21, at Judgment Day, when I defeat the third ''amigo'', when I complete the trifecta, I will be the only man in ''SmackDown!'' history to hold the United States Championship and the World Championship. I will be undeniably a champion's champion. A true AMERICAN hero. One more legacy in my hall of fame career and you Rey, you Rey, will be here hanging out on a street corner with your homies. Your people. Your people who are sitting here. Your people who look like you. You people who are the size of you Rey. Your people who speak like you. Your people who thank God they're here, because it's your people who do the dirty work for real Americans like me. But don't worry Rey. I'm not gonna leave you high and dry. In fact, I'm gonna offer you a job, you and your family. Your kids, sweet little Dominic can shine my boots. Your wife Rey, can work in my kitchen, maybe in some little short Latino dress. With high heels. Stelleto. I like this. But in case you wanna be gangfully employed Rey, how about you do what the rest of your people do? How about you sell drugs on street corners? How about you do drive-bys? How about you do prostitution? How about you work at a donkey show in Tijuana? You people make me sick! Rey, you and your people is what's ruining my country! Rey, at Judgment Day, I will, I will... ''[Rey Mysterio charges the ring and attacks JBL]''
:'''Cole''': And there's Rey Mysterio! The World Champion has heard enough! Rey Mysterio attacking JBL!
:'''Tazz''': Can't blame Rey Mysterio! Those co - those comments by JBL, he'll be ashamed of himself, but look at Rey going to pound on him!
:'''Cole''': JBL trying to roll out of the way, Rey Mysterio continues the assault. JBL humiliating, embarrassing Mysterio, in front of his family, in front of his friends here tonight!
:'''Tazz''': I can't believe Bradshaw, JBL, the comments, Mysterio beating the daylights out of... ''[JBL flees]''
:'''Cole''': JBL running away, running away from the champion!
===May 19===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''' ''[standing on the announcers' desk, waving to Rey Mysterio who is in the ring]'': ''Como está'', my ''amigo''? Sunday, ''Domingo'', is [[w:Judgment Day (2006)|Judgment Day]], Rey. Your judgment day, when I take that championship off your undeserving body! But I got a question for you, Rey. ''[to Howard Finkel]'' Give him your microphone! Give him your microphone! ''[Finkel obliges and walks out of the ring. JBL addressing Rey again]'' You look like roadkill, ''vato''! The last two weeks has been rough on you, Rey, ya look terrible! You don't even know which way is up, do ya? Rey! Let me ask you a question: do you even know where we are? ''[interrupting Rey before he could reply]'' Son! Son! I'll help ya: we're in Albuquerque, north Mexico. Do you even know, Rey? Look at - you got dain bramage, ''ese''! Do you even know what year it is, Rey? ''[interrupting Rey before he could speak again]'' Rey, I'll help ya, I'll help ya...2006. Do you even know what ''day'' it is?
:'''Rey Mysterio''' ''[walking towards JBL]'': May 19th!
:'''JBL''' ''[feigning shock, then grinning]'': You said it...I didn't!
:''[JBL laughs hysterically as suddenly a fireball goes off and then Kane arrives. Rey looks shocked]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh...oh, my God!
:'''Tazz''': What the hell-?
:'''Michael''': You gotta be-
:'''Tazz''': What, no!
:'''Michael''': It's Kane! It's Kane! It's Kane!
:'''Tazz''': No! No!
:'''Michael''': JBL, you sick bastard!
:'''Tazz''': What are you - what is going on?!
:'''Michael''': You gotta be kiddin' me! What the hell is wrong with you?!
:'''Tazz''': No!
:'''Michael''': Kane! Oh my God, this is gonna be a massacre! ''[Kane enters the ring and immediately attacks Rey; the bell rings to start the match]'' Kane, beating the hell out of Mysterio!
:'''Tazz''': You gotta be kid - I, I'm...I'm shocked!
:'''Michael''': JBL, what the hell is wrong with you?? What the hell is wrong with you?!?
:'''JBL''': You shouldn't upset Kane, you know what Kane hates when you say that! He shouldn't upset the Big Red Machine! This is [[w:Jason Voorhees|Jason Voorhees]], [[w:Michael Myers (Halloween)|Michael Myers]], [[w:Freddy Krueger|Freddy Krueger]] all rolled into one, except for the fact he's a living, breathing human being, and he is a walking, talking stud!
===May 26===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': We just witnessed the greatest travesty of all time at Judgment Day! ''[crowd chants "you suck"]'' Rey Mysterio is still the World Champion. ''[crowd cheers]'' But I challenged him to take on all comers. I appealed to his ''machismo''. Well Rey, oh Rey! If you're still a man of your word, and you'll still take on all comers, then I'm gonna prove it was a fluke on Sunday! Come out here right now with your World Championship and let's do it right here! ''[Rey Mysterio's theme hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh ho ho! The World Champion, as he proved Sunday, is a man of his word! ''[Rey Mysterio comes out]'' A standing ovation for the man who's still living his dream, successfully defending the World Championship Sunday at Judgment Day.
:'''Tazz''': I don't know how Mysterio did it on Sunday but he did it. He left Phoenix with the World Championship.
:'''Rey Mysterio''': JBL, you're right. I did say I would take on all comers. And I took you on at Judgment Day. And I beat you!
:'''JBL''': You sarcastic little punk, that was a fluke! Now get out here, let's do it right now!
:'''Mysterio''': Hold on. JBL, you are the United States Champion. I don't, I don't see you defending your title. I don't see you taking on all comers.
:'''JBL''': You little punk. You have the audacity to question me? THIS IS MY SHOW! I carry this company! And yes, I will take on all comers, because nobody but a true American hero represents this country better. I am proud to be your United States Champion.
:'''Mysterio''': Did, did you, did you just say you are willing to take on all, all comers?
:'''JBL''': I kicked you too hard in the head Rey. Is your mask covering your ears? Under the blood that you bled at Judgment Day covering up your ears? You want it in English? The answer is yes, I take on anybody!
:'''Mysterio''': English, Spanish, I understood you. ''[speaks Spanish]'' So, since you are willing, let me introduce to you your opponent. Bobby Lashley!
===July 28===
:''[during the World Heavyweight Championship rematch between King Booker and Rey Mysterio]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': I don't get it, Michael, what keeps Rey in this match? This stupid machismo thing!
:'''Michael Cole''' ''[as King Booker grabs Rey from the top turnbuckle]'': Uh-oh, King Booker caught Mysterio!
:'''JBL''': He may not be in it any longer!
:'''Michael''': Rey Mysterio trying to reverse fortune here! Trying to shift balance and he does, kick to the midsection! Mysterio, a suplex!
:''[Rey gives King Booker a suplex]''
:'''JBL''': I know what keeps him in this match!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey holds on to King Booker and sets him up for another suplex]'': And look at this!
:'''JBL''': No!
:'''Michael''': Look at this!
:'''JBL''': It's the spirit of Eddie Guerrero!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey hits the second suplex]'' Paying homage to Eddie Guerrero! The Three Amigos!
:'''JBL''': No, no, no! ''[as Rey hits the third suplex]'' I've seen this from Eddie Guerrero, I've seen this from Rey Mysterio; I am sick of it!! ''[as Rey does Eddie's shimmy]'' Enough is enough!! No!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey goes onto the apron and approaches the turnbuckles]'': And now Rey...
:'''JBL''': No!!
:'''Michael''': ...with a little bit of Eddie in him! ''[as Queen Sharmell climbs the apron on the other side and tries to distract the referee]'' And look at Queen Sharmell up on the apron! ''[suddenly, Chavo Guerrero comes out through the crowd and grabs Rey]'' Hey! Who the hell-? ''[Chavo throws Rey onto the barricade behind him]'' Who the he-?
:'''JBL''': Oh, my God!
:'''Michael''': Is that Ch-? It's Chavo! It's Chavo again! What the hell is Chavo doing?!
:'''JBL''' ''[as Chavo puts Rey back into the ring]'': Rey's out! Rey's unconscious!
:'''Michael''': He bounced his head and his spine off the barricade! What the hell is wrong with Chavo?!
:'''JBL''': There's nothing wrong with Chavo; I've known three Gue - generations of Guerreros! You can't trust a Guerrero!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Chavo starts to make his way up the ramp]'': Chavo said he wasn't even in Detroit when we interviewed him, earlier tonight! Where the ''hell'' did he come from?!
:'''JBL''': Just like Eddie, he lies! He cheats! He steals! You cannot trust a Guerrero!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey slowly starts to get up]'': And King Booker is measuring Rey; the World Championship is on the line! ''[King Booker then hits a scissors kick on Rey]'' There's the scissors kick!
:'''JBL''': Cinderella's done! Strike midnight!
:'''Michael''': Not again!
:'''JBL''' ''[as King Booker covers Rey and the referee counts to 3]'': Call her the fat lady! Call her the wicked mama!
:'''Michael''': Not again! ''[the bell rings]'' Aww, damn it!
:'''JBL''': Tell her the saying, the King of the World! ''[as Chavo leaves and Queen Sharmell embraces King Booker]'' I told you, he should not - Rey should not have upset the coronation!
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here's your winner, and still World Heavyweight Champion, King Booker!
:'''Michael''' ''[as the referee hands King Booker back his title]'': You gotta believe that Rey Mysterio was moments away from regaining the title, and for some God-unknown reason, he was screwed again by Chavo!!
:'''JBL''': What are you, Sigmund Freud?! You don't know what I believe! I ''don't'' have to believe that! I believe the greatest word you can hear when you're a champion is, "''still'' World Champion, King Booker"!
:'''Michael''': Let's take another look at what happened at the end of this matchup. ''[replay of Chavo throwing Rey into the barricade]'' Yet again, for the first - for the second time this week, Chavo has betrayed one of his best friends, Rey Mysterio! ''[replay of King Booker's scissors kick on Rey on his way to the 3-count]'' And that betrayal allowing the king to retain the World Heavyweight Championship!
:'''JBL''': Allowing King Booker to retain his place with destiny!
:''[back live, as King Booker and Queen Sharmell look back at the fallen Rey]''
:'''Michael''': The bottom line is, that man, Chavo Guerrero, has stabbed Rey Mysterio in the back!
:'''JBL''': Tigers don't change colors, Michael!
:'''Michael''': Chavo Guerrero is cold-blooded, bottom line!
===August 4===
:''[Chavo Guerrero's music hits and he appears. The crowd boos]''
:'''Michael Cole''': I can't wait to hear this. Nothing this man can say will convince me what he did to Rey Mysterio in the past two weeks was right.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Where's your objectivity? Let's listen to what he has to say.
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Chavo Guerrero.
:'''JBL''': And why are you surprised? Why does Kasparov play chess? Why does Clemens pitch? It's in his DNA. It is in Chavo's DNA to be a Guerrero. I've known three generations of Guerreros; you cannot trust a Guerrero. Lie, cheat and steal, remember, Michael?
:'''Michael''': Oh yeah, I remember. That's their motto, the Guerrero motto.
:'''JBL''': Don't look down on it, Mr. High-and-Mighty.
:'''Michael''': Eddie Guerrero made that phrase famous.
:'''JBL''': And this is his nephew.
:'''Chavo Guerrero''': People want to know why I screwed Rey Mysterio, why I betrayed Rey Mysterio. But first, I want to know: what is betrayal? Is betrayal stealing from another man? Is betrayal stealing his name from him? Stealing his blood? Because that's what Rey Mysterio did to me, did to my whole family, the Guerrero family. What? You don't believe me? You don't believe that Rey Mysterio is a thief? Let me tell you what he stole from me. I grew up with Eddie Guerrero. We were like brothers. We used to lie, cheat, and steal together. When Eddie passed away, we all felt it. We all felt it, we were all devastated. I retired from wrestling, I walked away from wrestling. But did Rey Mysterio? Noooo. He used the Guerrero name, Eddie's name. It seemed like every other match, Rey was dedicating the match to Eddie's memory. The Royal Rumble, No Way Out, even at WrestleMania. Every five minutes, he was mentioning Eddie's name, very, very convenient. And when Rey won the World Heavyweight Championship, it got even worse. Rey, you couldn't stand on your own, Rey, you couldn't keep the title on your own. What did you do? You used another Guerrero — me. Rey, I saved you from losing the title to JBL. I saved you from losing the title to Mark Henry. I saved you over and over and over again. But you decided to stand right here in the middle of this ring and take all the glory, and use Eddie's spotlight and Eddie's name that all of you chanted to him. At The Great American Bash, I couldn't take it anymore. And that's when I realized that Rey Mysterio, you didn't just steal Eddie from me, you didn't just steal Eddie from the Guerrero family, you stole the memory of Eddie from each and every one of these people out here, from you ''[points to one person in the audience]'', from you ''[points to another person in the audience]''. People ask me why I did what I did. Because Rey Mysterio, you're nothing but a leech, living off the blood of the Guerrero name.
:''[Rey Mysterio appears and charges towards the ring]''
:'''Michael''': Oh my!
:'''JBL''': Oh my!
:'''Michael''': And look at this!
:'''JBL''': No!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey and Chavo begin fighting]'': It's Rey Mysterio! Rey has heard enough! Chavo, Rey unloading on Chavo Guerrero!
:'''JBL''': Chavo was right! Chavo was right with everything he said!
:'''Michael''': I thought it was a pathetic excuse, as Mysterio and Chavo continue to beat the hell out of each other inside the ring! ''[Rey and Chavo fall to the outside and keep fighting]'' And now it spills outside the ring; these two former best friends are beating the living hell out of each other!
:'''JBL''': He shouldn't have desecrated Eddie's name; that's what Rey Mysterio-
:'''Michael''': Rey never did that!
:'''JBL''': You know damn well he did!
===September 1===
:''[before a commercial break]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Hoo-rah! Hoo-rah! It's the Miz's debut, next on ''SmackDown!''. The Miz!
:'''JBL''': I'd rather have a root canal than sit here and watch Miz, the wrestling gods must hate me.
:''[after the break, as The Miz arrives for his WWE in-ring debut]''
:'''Michael''': We are back on ''SmackDown!.'' It's the debut of the Miz!
:'''JBL''': Jerry Brisco is rolling over in his grave and Jerry's not even dead!
===October 27===
:'''Chavo Guerrero''': You're looking at a man, and you're looking at a family who finally has some peace in their lives. I suck? No I don't suck. I'm a Guerrero, and Guerreros don't suck. We finally have peace in our lives, because Rey Mysterio is no longer around. And he's no longer around because I, I put an end to his career, and not only did I put an end to his career, I crushed his leg, and I made him say "I quit". And I wanna see him say "I quit" again. Roll footage from last ''SmackDown!''. ''[footage from the previous week's ''SmackDown!'' is shown featuring Chavo Guerrero attacking Rey Mysterio's knee in an "I Quit" match, forcing Mysterio to say "I quit" and lose the match]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, this is last week on ''Friday Night SmackDown!'', a number of times, Chavo driving that steel chair, the punishment continues.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Listen to him scream. Listen to this.
:'''Chavo''': You can boo all you want, 'cause you're exactly like Rey Mysterio. ''Selfish''. Because none of you wanted my family to move on with their lives. Well we're moving on, and we're moving on because of this. ''[the footage is again played]'' Rey Mysterio was, was trying to steal the Guerrero name. Trying to make a career out of the Guerrero legacy. That's why I had to do this. ''[the footage plays once again]'' I have watched that all day long, because that was the exact moment that my family became hopeful again. Again. ''[the footage is played again]'' Again! ''[this time, Chris Benoit's music hits and Chris Benoit comes out]''
:'''Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, Chris Benoit putting an end to a, to a very disturbing sequence. Chris Benoit making his way to the ring, and speculation it may be, JBL, but I believe that man, Chris Benoit, well he wants some uh, answers to his questions. Questions he asked that posed to Vickie earlier tonight.
:'''JBL''': What kind of book was that when Vickie Guerrero walked off Chris Benoit and just left him hanging there? ''[Chavo and Vickie Guerrero leave the ring]''
:'''Cole''': That's what they're doing now. I mean they're doing it again. They're ignoring Chris Benoit. They're not even looking at Benoit. Chavo and Vickie in no hurry to give Chris Benoit answers tonight. The audacity of these two. Don't you think Chris Benoit deserves some sort of explanation?
:'''JBL''': No. It was a decimation of the brand. This was between Chavo and Rey, that's it. Benoit needs to butt out.
===November 3===
:'''Rey Mysterio''': Two weeks ago, in Los Angeles, this, this is what happened to me. ''[footage from the October 20 ''SmackDown!'' is shown from the "I Quit" match between Chavo Guerrero and Rey Mysterio]''
:'''Michael Cole''': It was the "I Quit" match between Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero. And it was an absolutely relentless, an absolutely brutal assault at the hands of Chavo. Rey Mysterio trying to hold on John, before he uttered the words I never thought Rey would utter.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': I never thought he would, I never thought his Mexican machismo would let him say the words that he is about to say. ''[back to Mysterio]'' Wow.
:'''Mysterio''': I guess, that's what happens in our business right? As a result of that, I now need to have surgery on my left knee. But you know I wanted to come out here personally before I have surgery and speak to all of you from the bottom of my heart. ''[crowd cheers]'' I ain't gonna make no excuses. I'm gonna be straight up with you guys. I quit that match because of the pain I was feeling in my knee. I quit with the hope of coming back and fighting Chavo again. But I want you to know, and I want you to have it very clear, that I did not quit on each and every one of you. No. Because you guys have never quitted on me. ''[crowd cheers]'' You guys helped me win the 2006 Royal Rumble. You guys made me realize that dreams come true when I won the World title at WrestleMania. And when this is all over, when I come back from surgery, we, together, are gonna climb that mountain again, all the way to the top. And there's nothing -- ''[Chavo Guerrero's music hits]''
:'''Cole''': Oh please. ''[Chavo Guerrero and Vickie Guerrero come out with a chair]'' Rey Mysterio basically saying that he wants to come back, that he's gonna come back from his knee injury, and now after, during th, this emotional time for the former World Champion, again, the interruption at the hands of the two people that have put him through emotional hell for months, Vickie and Chavo Guerrero.
:'''JBL''': They have a right to gloat, Michael. They are the winners.
:'''Cole''': Gloat?
:'''JBL''': Yes they do.
:'''Cole''': Gloat for almost ending a man's career>
:'''JBL''': It was fair, fair as fair, Michael. There's nothing like a "I Quit" match. It's the most brutal match in the WWE. Rey Mysterio knew what he was getting into when he signed up.
:'''Cole''': Chavo and Vickie came out here last week and said they finally had peace in their lives, because they, they got rid of Rey Mysterio in their mind. So let him be! Let have Rey, let have Rey have his night, and then let him go have his surgery!
:'''JBL''': What do you mean have his night? I didn't have a night when I retired.
:'''Cole''': Nobody liked you.
:'''Chavo Guerrero''': Hey Rey. Vickie and I heard you talking out here, and I, I decided to come out here and ask you for a favor. I want you to say it, Rey. Say it again Rey. Come on say it. ''[crowd chants "Chavo sucks"]''
:'''Cole''': The "Chavo sucks" chants.
:'''Mysterio''': Is that, is that, is that what you want me to say?
:'''Chavo''': You know what I want you to say, Rey. Say "I quit". Because those words coming out of your mouth, that's like music to my ears. Say it Rey. Do me the favor and say it again. Oh you don't want to? You don't wanna say it? That's okay. That's okay. May - maybe you'll do me another favor. ''[points to the chair]'' You recognize this chair? 'Cause it recognizes you, Rey. It's a little something I saved from our, uh, our famous "I Quit" match. I was wondering, Rey if you uh, could autograph this chair for me.
:'''JBL''': That's nice.
:'''Chavo''': Come on Rey. Why don't you autograph it right here? Right here, you know this is where uh, I hit your knee so hard, I broke the damn chair? Come on Rey, autograph it for me please. Do me that favor. Be a good sport. What do you got to lose Rey? You already lost the uh, the World title. You already lost the "I Quit" match to, to me. You're a cripple.
:'''Mysterio''': Who are you calling a cripple?
:'''Chavo''': If the uh, shoe fits. Come on Rey do me a favor. Autograph the chair for me. Come on. Okay. You don't wanna autograph it for me? That's okay, I'll autograph it. I'll autograph it for you. ''[Chavo writes on the chair]''
:'''JBL''': That's not something to sign the chair for Michael. ''[Chavo reveals he wrote "I QUIT" on this chair]''
:'''Chavo''': What's wrong Rey? That's not your autograph? That looks like your autograph to me. I mean those, those were the words that came out of your mouth. I tell you what, since you don't wanna sign it, I got another way that we can remember our "I Quit" match. ''[Mysterio swings his crutch at Chavo, but misses]''
:'''Cole''': Oh Mysterio, ''[Chavo kicks Mysterio in the knee]'' and look at the, look at Chavo! Right to the injured knee!
:'''JBL''': Spelling may not be Chavo's forte, but kicking people's butts is!
:'''Cole''': And look at Chavo just, ''[Chavo stands on Mysterio's crutch, then kicks Mysterio's hand]'' this is disgusting! ''[Chavo grabs Mysterio's injured leg]''
:'''JBL''': Big dog eats the bull.
:'''Cole''': I mean come on already, he's already damaged the knee, the man already needs surgery! Big dog eats, my ass! What are you talking about?
:'''JBL''': It's the law of the jungle Michael. Example of Darwinism. That's all it is.
:'''Cole''': And Chavo Guerrero with the steel chair that he's already used on, ''[Chavo hits Mysterio in the knee with the chair]'' No! Damn it! ''[Vickie signifies she wants the chair]'' And Vickie's just as sick as, as as Chavo is! She says let me do it! Vickie wants to hit Rey with the damn steel chair! This is ridicu -- ''[Chris Benoit runs out]'' And there's Chris Benoit! Chris Benoit has seen enough! Benoit out here last week, demanding answers, and never got them from Chavo and Vickie. But enough is enough! I mean what else does Chavo Guerrero have to prove? Does he want to try to cripple the man? Is that what he wants?
:'''JBL''': I think he already has, Michael!
===December 22===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Five days ago at Armageddon, I was appalled, horrified at what transpired in front of me. Teddy Long, for his own amusement, for his entertainment, brought back a match that had been dormant for seven and a half years. An inferno match. There is a reason we don't have inferno matches for the last seven and a half years. You see, it looks really good on paper. Somebody gets burned. Until you realize somebody gets burned. A human being was set on fire at Armageddon. Where pictures in the Bible describe Hell as human flesh burning and people screaming in pain. That is what happened. Hell was brought to MVP at Armageddon, and every single bit of it was Teddy Long's fault. This is what Teddy Long did to MVP. ''[clips from the inferno match between Kane and MVP at Armageddon are shown]'' Look at this. He put him in the ring with a monster, Kane, and Kane set him on fire. That folks, is not entertainment. That is a human being burning! That is flesh rotting and burning off a human corpse! Right next to me, MVP comes. I can smell the flesh of a human being burning. Something I will never forget to the day that I die was that I watched a human being and thankfully, mercifully, they put him out. And Teddy, you call this entertainment? I call it garbage. So I'll tell you what, Theodore Long, you come down here right now. I don't demand your censure, I think you should be fired, but tonight, you come down here and you apologize to me, you apologize to ''SmackDown!'', and you damn sure come down here and apologize to MVP, because MVP can't be here right now because he's lying in a burn unit! Come on out Teddy! ''[nothing happens]'' Teddy, I have a list of lawyers in arm law. You will be sued. You come down here right now. Do you hear me?! ''[nothing happens]'' Okay. If you won't come down, Teddy, then let's talk about the people that are really responsible. ''[points to the fans]'' You. And you. Each and every one of you and you cheer. You don't cheer because a guy gave his life for you in this ring. It's not enough that you pay your money and somebody spend, spends 200 days away from his family each year! It's not enough! Somebody gives his health to this very ring! I'm not in this ring because I broke my back, and that's enough for you sick people! You got to see a head broken open by a chair. You got to see somebody fall off a building. You got to see somebody caught on fire. You people are responsible and it disgusts me! Rome did not fall because of the gladiators in the Colosseum. Rome fell because of the sick people in the stands. Now think about this, you people wish for one instance in your life. You were like MVP and somebody would pay to see you. Well in your miserable life, there's not a soul alive that would pay to see one of you sons of bitches do anything! And if America, this great country goes down, it won't be because of what's good. It won't be because of great warriors. It will be because of people like you! You sick human beings! You have embarrassed yourself, you have embarrassed me. And take a lot at the person next to ya. You have embarrassed this country. You people make me sick.
== 2007 ==
===March 2===
:'''Batista''': Last week, I explained what I did at No Way Out. And I, I really just wanted to make the point that I am here to compete. When The Undertaker chose me as his WrestleMania opponent, I was honored. It's gonna be a privilege to share the ring with the Deadman. I was honored. I, I was honored. I know why he chose me. The Undertaker, he's a competitor. He's a fighter. He's proud. He brings it. He comes to compete. And he chose me. He doesn't wanna be in there with a pushover, he doesn't want an easy match. He chose me. Then, he chokeslammed me. The point is, I am here to compete. Now we both know where we stand. Now we know it's gonna be war. Now we know at WrestleMania 23, Batista versus The Undertaker is gonna get ugly. I can say this without a doubt, it's gonna be the match of my career. But I wanna say this, I wanna stress this. I have nothing but the utmost respect for The Undertaker. But I will not be intimidated. Therefore, at WrestleMania, ''[The Undertaker's gong sounds and a graveyard is shown]''
:'''The Undertaker''': Batista, it's time to take you on a journey. A trip back to the old school. You say you're not intimidated? We'll see. For everyone else, WrestleMania will be heaven on Earth. For you Batista, it will be Hell. And there will be hell to pay. Without death, there cannot be life. ''[The Undertaker emerges from the graveyard]'' So all things must die. ''[Undertaker fills an empty grave with dirt]'' Batista, at WrestleMania, your reign as champion will rest in peace.
===May 11===
:''[after the Undertaker gets beaten down by Mark Henry following his steel cage match with Batista]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''' ''[as the officials get Mark to leave]'': He said he wanted to make an impact, Michael, and he said there wasn't anything anybody could do about it.
:''[suddenly Edge's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Wh-whoa - Edge-
:''[Edge marches towards the ring, Money in the Bank briefcase in hand]''
:'''JBL''': You gotta be kidding me. No.
:'''Michael''': No! No...
:'''JBL''': No, come on, Edge, no, not this way! No, damn it! No!
:''[Edge hands his briefcase to referee Jimmy Korderas and yells out his intention to cash it in]''
:'''Michael''': I can't-
:''[Korderas beckons over ring announcer Tony Chimel and tells him of Edge cashing in his briefcase]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been informed that Edge is cashing in his Money in the Bank championship match; so therefore, this is an official championship match for the World Heavyweight Championship!
:'''Michael''': This is not happening! Please tell me this is not happening!
:'''JBL''': It's brilliant. It's brilliant, Michael.
:''[the bell rings]''
:'''Michael''' ''[as Edge quickly covers the Undertaker, who is still down from Mark Henry's beating]'': The referee is disgusted! ''I'm'' disgusted! ''[as the referee counts]'' Here's the cover, hook to the leg, and Undertaker kicked out! Come on, Taker! ''[as a stunned Edge covers him again]'' Come on, Undertaker! Cover again! ''[Undertaker kicks out at 2 again]'' And again, the champion kicks out!
:'''JBL''' ''[as a look of disbelief crosses Edge's face]'': But how much does Undertaker have left?
:'''Michael''': The referee had no choice-
:'''JBL''': He's spent!
:'''Michael''': The referee had no choice but to make this match official. Edge has cashed in the Money in the Bank he won on ''Raw'' Monday night. ''[suddenly Undertaker tries to sit up, much to Edge's shock]'' And Undertaker-
:'''JBL''': You're kidding me.
:'''Michael''': The beaten Undertaker! ''[Undertaker collapses back to the mat]'' Undertaker tried to sit up; he couldn't quite do it! After the assault by Mark Henry, the battle in the steel cage, but perhaps Edge is second-guessing himself here! ''[Edge is now standing in the corner, waiting for the Undertaker to get back up]'' What does he have to do to keep the Phenom down?
:'''JBL''': Edge is a shark that smells blood in the water, Michael! He's become world champion like this before, and I don't care how many times the Undertaker sits up, he's got nothing left!
:'''Michael''': Undertaker can't even pull himself up by the ropes! He is a beaten, defenseless, helpless champion! And that piranha-
:'''JBL''': As much as you don't like it, Michael, this is a brilliant, brilliant move by Edge!
:'''Michael''': That sick piranha! That piranha Edge is measuring the Undertaker!
:'''JBL''' ''[as the Undertaker finally stands up]'': He's a piranha that could be our next world champion!
:''[Edge hits the Undertaker with his spear]''
:'''Michael''': Spear! ''[Edge covers the Undertaker and the referee counts to 3]'' The cover! Not this way! Not this way! Dammit!
:''[the bell rings and the referee hands the World Heavyweight Championship belt to Edge, then raises his arm]''
:'''Tony''': Here is your winner and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, the Rated-R Superstar, Edge!
:'''Michael''': I am absolutely sick! I am disgusted! The ultimate opportunist has done it, again!
:'''JBL''': This is the second time he's won a world championship like this, Michael, and I don't care how disgusted you are; sometimes, you win by attrition, but what is important is, you win - right there, Michael, is our new world champion, Edge!
:'''Michael''': I can - I'm still trying to...to get it all straight in my mind; I mean, it's shocking, it is startling, Edge is ch- ''[Edge has marched over to the announce desk, banging it and yelling at Michael]'' Yeah, it is yours. It ''is'' yours, Edge.
:'''JBL''': You're damn right it is!
===June 8===
:'''Edge''': Now I know what you're all thinking. Now I know what you're all thinking, but fear naught, just because I'm hosting The Cutting Edge, that doesn't mean that you won't see me in action here tonight. See, as I understand it, Vickie Guerrero's gonna have a - an announcement for a double main event a little later on tonight, and for your people's sake, let's hope I'm involved.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': True.
:'''Edge''': But on to The Cutting Edge and, you know I bet you people think I couldn't outdo myself, because my guest last week was Batista. ''[crowd cheers]'' Oh no, but my guest tonight is bigger than that. That's right, I I I, I outdid myself, my guest tonight actually asked to be on The Cutting Edge. And, and his wish is my demand. See, my guest tonight is the chairman of the board of World Wrestling Entertainment. My guest tonight is Mr. McMahon! ''[Mr. McMahon's entrance hits and Mr. McMahon walks slowly to the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well there is the man who's going through mood swings galore since losing the, the ECW Championship Sunday at One Night Stand. And on ''Raw'', out of control, vindictive, menacing at times, just borderline crazy. But yet on ''ECW'', Mr. McMahon, the complete opposite. Catatonic, almost trance-like at times.
:'''JBL''': He deserves to do whatever he wants, as capricious as it is! He's the chairman of the board, he should be on the hundred dollar bill! He should be President of the United States of America! ''[Edge is clapping]''
:'''Edge''': Mr. McMahon, I wanna, I wanna let you know what a pleasure it is to have you on my show. You know I'm sure this is gonna be a night that I'll never forget. You know, I'm, first things first, I wanna ask you a question that, uh, now I've been thinking all week because I, I'm watching this Monday on ''Raw'' and it's kinda been on the, the top of my head and I'm sure all these people have been wondering the same thing and, that's how you feelin'? How, how, how are you doing, Vince?
:'''Mr. McMahon''': ''[in a trance-like state]'' They, they all walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for thou art evil. ''[crowd chants "You Suck!"]''
:'''Edge''': Vince, uh, like I said, I wanna thank you for being on the show. I, I know you have a, an insane, hectic, a busy schedule and I wanna thank you for taking a little bit of time out to, to come out on The Cutting Edge here tonight. I don't wanna dwell on the past, I don't wanna dwell on One Night Stand because the, the future's bright. The future is so bright. You know, this Monday on ''Raw'', we have the, the WWE draft. And like we've all said it, the WWE draft is a, a chance to shake things up. It, it, it's an important night and, I don't know about Monday, but I know Fridays on ''SmackDown!''. They, they do the shaking up. Yeah. And even more important than that, Mr. McMahon, this Monday is Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night. ''[crowd boos]'' I'm not gonna disrespect you like, like John Cena. ''[crowd cheers]'' Like Ric Flair, or, or even, or even Lashley. I'm not gonna do that because let's face it. The reason that I am in this ring is because you. The reason that all of these people are here tonight. The reason that, that millions of people tune into ''SmackDown!'' every week is because of you, Mr. McMahon. And no matter what happened on One Night Stand, you, you haven't lost a thing in my eyes. You haven't lost any dignity because like you said, you, you still have your empire. You still have all of your money. And, and in the squared circle of life, Mr. McMahon, you, you are a world champion. ''[hands McMahon the World Heavyweight Championship and puts it in his lap, but McMahon doesn't move]'' Give it up for Mr. McMahon. That's right.
:'''McMahon''': ''[stands up]'' You're no better. You're no better. You're no better. You're no better than Cena, you're no better than...Lashley. You're a sycophant! Vengeance. Vengeance is mine. You one-on-one, for that, against Batista. ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Edge''': That, that, that's not fair. That, that's not fair. I've already beaten Batista twice.
:'''McMahon''': Fair?
:'''Edge''': It's unfair.
:'''McMahon''': Fair?
:'''Edge''': It's not fair.
:'''McMahon''': Fair. Life is not fair. Life SUCKS and then you die. ''[crowd chants "Batista"]'' See, regardless of the draft, it's you and Batista for that, do, do or die. You do, he dies. Do or die. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
===June 29===
:'''Vince McMahon''': On a recent edition of ''Raw'', the WWE presented a special tribute show, recognizing the career of Chris Benoit. However, the facts of this horrific tragedy involving Chris Benoit were not known at the time. Therefore, other than my comments, there will be no mention of Mr. Benoit's name in this program. On the contrary, this show is dedicated to everyone who has been affected by this terrible incident. This marks the first step of the healing process whereby WWE performers will now do what they do better than anyone else in the world: entertain you.
===September 21===
:'''Batista''': Yeah! Hell yeah! Oh, you have no, no idea how good I feel. I'm all dressed up, got my new suit on, got my new shoes on, bam! I'm in Hotlanta! And I am once again the World Heavyweight Champion! Yes! This Sunday, at Unforgiven, I was fortunate enough to overcome the former, let me say that again, the ''former'' World Heavyweight Champion, The Great Khali, and my good friend, a man who I respect very much and I was proud and privileged to compete against, Mr. 619, Rey Mysterio. Yes sir. Yes sir. Rey, you're my brother, I love you, and you will be World Heavyweight Champion again. I know it in my heart. But for right now, for me, The Great Khali will exercise the rematch clause in his contract. So as it stands, it will be The Great Khali versus Batista at No Mercy. In what he calls a Punjabi Prison match. ''[Mark Henry's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, the self-proclaimed silverback, the world's strongest man, Mark Henry, who John, Sunday at Unforgiven, gave the returning Undertaker a hell of a physical battle. But what brings him out to confront The Animal tonight?
:'''JBL''': Mark Henry said he's gonna do whatever he wants, and nobody can do anything about it. I think that's what brings Mark Henry out. He's the king of the jungle, Michael. Mark Henry does whatever he wants.
:'''Mark Henry''': Batista, I can care less about this celebration of yours. I can care less about your Punjabi Prison match that you're gonna have with The Great Khali at No Mercy. But what I do care about, is next week. The Undertaker returns to ''SmackDown!'' in a match against me. The World's Strongest Man. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna end The Undertaker's illustrious career. Come to think of it, I might need a little warmup for The Undertaker next week. And don't worry, don't worry. I won't even take a shot at your precious new title. Because all these people know, and deep in your heart, you know, that if I want that belt, I'll take it whenever I want it.
:'''Batista''': Mark Henry, you are as stupid as you are ugly. Last time I checked, you were getting your ass handed to you at Unforgiven by the Deadman. You got the nerve, you got the nerve to come out here and call me out? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. You've had a Batista beatdown coming for a long-ass time. And tonight, you're gonna get it. You want a match? You're on.
===November 2===
:'''Batista''': I grew up a pretty poor kid in Washington, DC. Getting in fights all the time, had to fight my way out of a lot of bad situations. And WWE, same thing. Been in fights A to Z. Street fights, cage matches, you name it. Been there, done that. But this past Sunday, I did something, I accomplished something I thought I might never do. I beat The Undertaker. I, the rivalry between The Undertaker and myself, it's, it's been a war. He's won one, I've won one, we got two draws, in my book, that makes us even. Which is perfect for tonight, since we are tag team partners. So this is what I wanna say. We're not, we have not settled our differences by any means. But Undertaker, tonight, I've got your back and my question is, I'm wondering if you've got my back. 'Cause if you don't ''[The Undertaker's gong goes off and The Undertaker appears]''
:'''The Undertaker''': You can rest assured, I got your back. Because you still have the one thing that I want.
:'''Batista''': Are you saying you want a rematch? Done. You've got it. ''[drops the microphone and prepares to leave the ring]''
:'''Undertaker''': Batista. Hell in a Cell!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Hornswoggle attacks Jonathan Coachman]''
:'''JBL''': Referees don't do that.
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, when you're a McMahon, you can do whatever you want to do, right?
:'''JBL''': Oh, that's a good point.
===December 7===
:'''Theodore Long''': I just wanna know one thing. Can I get a holla holla holla? ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': We're moving on up.
:'''Long''': Well, I want you to know it is great to be back here on ''SmackDown!'', playa. Now as we all know, that general manager Vickie Guerrero is incapacitated at this time. So I want you to know I was happy to make the announcement for the main event at Armageddon, because I was called in for service at the last minute. Now the main event at Armageddon, a triple threat match. Edge versus the phenom, The Undertaker, versus the World Heavyweight Champion, Batista. And I want you to know that this triple threat match is going to be unlike anything that you have ever seen before. Now think about this. Three of the best competitors here in the WWE, they're gonna be going at it for the World title. And speaking of titles, that brings me to the United States title. So I have decided that at Armageddon, MVP will be defending the United States Championship against the man that pinned him last week right here on ''SmackDown!'', Rey Mysterio. ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Wow.
:'''Long''': And in addition to those two matches, ''[Edge's music hits]''
:'''Cole''': Well I don't believe that uh, Teddy Long was done, but ''[Edge comes out]'' here come the Rated R Superstar, Edge, the man who is in love, who is having a relationship with general manager Vickie Guerrero.
:'''JBL''': What a power couple it turned out to be, like a Bill and a Hillary. Like a Bill and Melinda Gates. Brad and Angelina Jolie. Tom Brady and Gisele. We got a power couple that rivals them all.
:'''Cole''': Edge admitted last week that it started off as a business relationship but then turned into a love interest. But you gotta wonder what Edge is thinking after the huge announcement last week that he's gonna be in that triple threat match against Batista and The Undertaker for the World title at Armageddon.
:'''Edge''': So even a heart attack can't stop you?
:'''Long''': Let me explain something to you. Now you need to quit hating on me about this heart attack. That's over with. It's done. I'm fine now, Edge.
:'''Edge''': You know what Teddy? You haven't changed a bit. You're out here, you're, you're just giving away title matches like it's, like it's candy at Halloween. Well you know what? The last time I checked, your official title is the ''assistant'' general manager of ''SmackDown!'', and, and when ''the'' general manager, the love of my life, Vickie Guerrero comes back, there's gonna be hell to pay.
:'''Long''': Well let me explain something to you. Vickie Guerrero is not here, and I want you to know this, and until she comes back, I am still the head man in charge. You got that?
:'''Edge''': You know it's funny you make mention of Vickie. What, what did you say she was? She was uh -
:'''Long''': Incapacitated.
:'''Edge''': Incapacitated. No actually Teddy, she's laid up in bed with a neck brace on, after being brutally attacked by The Undertaker. She's an innocent woman.
:'''Long''': Is that right?
:'''Edge''': That's right. And, ''[looks into the camera]'' and baby, baby Vickie, baby, I, I know you're watching this. And I just want you to know that I love you. ''[crowd boos]'' I love you so much, and as soon as this show's over, I'm gonna --
:'''Long''': Excuse me. Excuse me. You mean to tell me that you got nothing else better to do, than to come out here and send love messages to Vickie Guerrero? Why don't you text her? What's wrong with your phone?
:'''Edge''': You know what? ''[to the fans]'' Shut up! Don't you, don't any of you undermine the passion that Vickie and I have for each other! What we have is real!
:'''Long''': Well Edge, I want you to know this. I am so glad to know that you and Vickie Guerrero are in love. Congratulations. Now stop wasting my time.
:'''Edge''': Can I ask you something Teddy? Have I, have I ever wronged you in any way?
:'''Long''': No.
:'''Edge''': No. Then why is it that you find these creative ways to constantly screw me over for the World Heavyweight Championship?
:'''Long''': So what are you trying to say?
:'''Edge''': Well what I'm trying to say is, how about when I was attacked? Viciously attacked, I was injured. Had my pec torn completely off the bone by that monster, Kane. And then, and then, and then you went and stripped me of the World Heavyweight Championship?
:'''Long''': Excuse me if my memory serves me right, I didn't strip you of anything. You relinquished that title.
:'''Edge''': You didn't even give me 30 days to defend it!
:'''Long''': The reason I didn't give you 30 days, Edge, is because the medical officials said that you couldn't defend the title within 90 days, less long 30 days. And playa, you was out for four months.
:'''Edge''': Okay. Okay, how about last week in, in my match with Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship? The Undertaker gets involved. He costs me that World Heavyweight Championship. Oh, oh. And where's my return one on one match? Oh let me guess, in your infinite wisdom, you decide, let's make a triple threat match involving The Undertaker.
:'''Long''': Okay.
:'''Edge''': Where's the logic in that?
:'''Long''': I'll tell you where the logic is. The logic is, it was you who cost The Undertaker the World Heavyweight Championship at Hell in a Cell at Survivor Series. So as far as I'm concerned, at Armageddon, that match evens things out.
:'''Edge''': The Undertaker does not deserve another chance at the World Heavyweight Championship.
:'''Long''': Edge. This is my final decision, all right? Are you done?
:'''Edge''': No I'm not done. No I'm not done because you've never given me a chance at my redemption. After everything that's happened to me over the last four months.
:'''Long''': Redemption? Oh oh oh, okay so, so you want redemption? All right, I'll tell you what, you got it. Tonight, you're going to face the man who injured you, and the man who you said, cost you the World Heavyweight Championship four months ago. The Big Red Machine, Kane! ''[crowd cheers]'' Now, how does that decision sound, coming from as you say, the assistant general manager? So Edge, I suggest to you, tonight you need to man up. Holla, playa.
== 2008 ==
===January 4===
:'''Vickie Guerrero''': Now Teddy, this is far enough. Stop. Good evening, and happy new year! Welcome to the first ''Friday Night SmackDown!'' of 2008. I just want to set the record straight, that if Batista or Undertaker so much lays a finger on your World Heavyweight Champion, their chances of regaining a championship will go up in smoke. Now, I've been consulting with the love of my life, and in the spirit of competition, I've decided to make a beat the clock challenge. Now, tonight's winner of the beat the clock challenge will go one on one with your World Champion at the Royal Rumble. Now among the participants tonight will be the man who loves to fight, Finlay, Rey Mysterio, Batista, and The Undertaker. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere pleasure to introduce to you, a man of extraordinary credentials, a keen sense of fairness, and oratory skills that are par excellence, please help me welcome, ''SmackDown!''{{'}}s new color commentator, Jonathan Coachman! ''[Jonathan Coachman's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well Jonathan Coachman, formerly of ''Monday Night Raw'', apparently joining me here in the announce booth on ''Friday Night SmackDown!''. ''[Jonathan Coachman shakes Vickie's hand]'' My former broadcast colleague, John "Bradshaw" Layfield, returning to the ring, made his first in-ring appearance on, in appearance in an arena on ''Raw'' this past Monday night, involved in a, in a rivalry with Chris Jericho, so Bradshaw's gone, and now joined here by Jonathan Coachman. ''[Coachman runs to the announce table]'' Welcome aboard. ''[Coachman stands on the table and waves to the crowd]''
===August 22===
:'''Triple H''': So let me get this straight now...at Unforgiven, it's gonna be the Championship Scramble where, 5 men are gonna get in the ring to try to capture the WWE championship; it'll be myself, MVP...
:''[the crowd boos]''
:'''Triple H''': Shelton Benjamin...
:''[the crowd boos again]''
:'''Triple H''': Brian Kendrick...
:''[the crowd boos again]''
:'''Triple H''': ...no no no no, not just any Brian Kendrick, THE Brian Kendrick...
:''[the crowd boos louder]''
:'''Triple H''': ...and the enigma Jeff Hardy. ''[the crowd cheers]'' Now here's the trick - they can get in the ring and they don't have to beat me to become champion; they can beat any one of them, and the last one to catch a fall, in the 20 minutes, walks out the WWE champion, now...those odds don't favor me very much, they practically guarantee that the title will change hands. But I just wanna let these guys know one thing before you all go out and start celebrating, buying yourself a Rolex or a, a fancy new sports car to celebrate your big win of becoming WWE champion, here's the thing you gotta understand, guys: the fifth guy in that ring...the fifth guy in that ring is a 12-time champion. ''[the crowd cheers]'' The fifth guy in that ring has been in every match that the WWE has to offer, and has come out on top! The fifth guy is known for a very good reason as the Game. He is also known as the King of Kings, and trust me, there is only one-
:''[suddenly Kenny Dykstra's music hits as he comes out and marches towards the ring]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Wow. What the...
:'''Tazz''': It's Kenny Dykstra, what...
:'''Jim''': Kenny Dykstra interrupting the WWE champion, somewhat disrespectful - ''extremely'' disrespectfully, for a fact-
:''[Kenny snatches the mic from Triple H's hand]''
:'''Kenny''': So I'm not even considered for the Championship Scramble? Really?! I'm sick and tired of people not taking me serious around here. My name is Kenny Dykstra, and-
:''[Triple H kicks Kenny in the gut and gives him the Pedigree]''
:'''Jim''': Oh, oh...and ''this'' is a Pedigree -
:'''Tazz''': Oh, God!
:'''Jim''': - from the WWE champion!
:''[Triple H picks up his title and then the mic]''
:'''Triple H''': Good to see ya, Kenny. ''[drops the mic and leaves the ring]''
:'''Tazz''': Well, I tell ya, I give Kenny Dykstra a lot of credit for coming out here and getting right in the face of the WWE champion, but...that Pedigree was nasty!
:'''Jim''': Well, Dykstra's got a world of talent and abilities, but I can't say so much for his timing!
==2009==
===February 13===
:'''Jeff Hardy''': Um, you know it's been a weird, a really weird time for me lately. I kinda feel broken, kinda feel, you know, left alone. I kinda felt like doing bad things to bad people but something doesn't feel right. Matt Hardy is my brother. I mean, we made it here to the WWE together. We've won championships together, we've lost championships together. I mean come on, a big brother's someone you're supposed to be able to look up to, he's supposed to be a role model. He's supposed to have your back. And evidently with Matt, that's not the case. I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but whatever it is, it's messed up. At the Royal Rumble, I mean it used to remind me of good times, I mean when we were kids we watched it every year. But now all it reminds me of is betrayal. All it reminds me of is a chair shot to the head and a broken dream. Matt whatever's going on inside your head man, you should know better than anybody how I roll man and I'm the type of person that moves on. I don't live in the past and I refuse to. So what I'm gonna do is move on, and I'm moving on to this Sunday, come the Elimination Chamber, and I will become the WWE Champion for the second time whether Matt Hardy likes it or not!
===May 15===
:'''Josh Mathews''': Well Jeff, congratulations on your victory, it now appears that you have all the momentum heading into your championship opportunity this Sunday at Judgment Day.
:'''Jeff Hardy''': Edge is a creature of habit. If you watched him over the last, uh, few months, you'll notice he wins a title on a pay-per-view. A month later, he loses the title. He wins a title, he loses the title. It's a pattern. ''[to the fans]'' You're the greatest! ''[crowd cheers]'' At Backlash, Edge won the title again. At Judgment Day, he will lose again. Josh, it won't be just for me. It's gonna be for each and every one of these people who supported me through thick and thin, always believed in what I stand for, and that's being me, Jeff Hardy!
===July 10===
:'''CM Punk''': Are you proud of yourself Jeff? I could have been seriously injured last week. And you got a lot of nerve faking an eye injury, leaving me in the ring to fend for myself, especially considering you're the one who injured my eye in the first place. As far as what you said earlier about me making the whole thing up, coming out here with your cute eye patch mocking me, I wanna show you something Jeff. This is Polymixin B Sulfate. I have to apply this to my eye three times a day. The only way you obtain this is with a prescription. From a doctor. Now, I know, you know a thing or two about prescription medication. What I don't think you realize is that you have to go to a doctor to legally obtain some. Unlike you Jeff, this is the only foreign substance I will allow in my body. So if you wanna imitate me, why don't you try living a clean lifestyle? Why don't you try living a straight edge lifestyle? Jeff, you've got two strikes. You how many I have? Zero. Jeff you know how many times I've been suspended? Zero. You know how many times I've been to a rehab facility? That's right. Zero. And do you know what your chances are of beating me at Night of Champions? Zero.
===July 24===
:'''CM Punk''': I've, I've come out here tonight to challenge you. Challenge you, the WWE universe, into seeing things my way. And to learn how to just say no. See, because the people who cheer for Jeff Hardy are just slaves to the vices associated with his "living in the moment". I feel bad for you, I really do. You, you walk around almost blind, and you wear your prescriptions proudly on your sleeve, like they were badges of honor. And what was it the doctor told you? Just take one every four hours right? Aside from myself, there's not a person in this arena who hasn't abused prescription medication or taken a recreational drug. And I know, trust me, it's hard being straight edge, it's hard to live a straight edge lifestyle. It's extremely difficult to be me. But what concerns me now is that none of you realize how much more difficult it is to live the life that you all live. I'm positive nobody in here takes into account the long-term consequences of alcohol on your liver. See and you cheer that, that's nothing to cheer. You drink because it's fun, right? Eventually it's not gonna be fun anymore when it spirals out of control and it's no longer, it's no longer fun. Sooner or later, you're just drinking to feel normal. And then there's the smokers. You know, I don't know what's more disgusting is watching a smoker pollute his or her lungs with over 4,000 foreign chemicals, or having to listen to the smoker convince themselves that they can quit whenever they want to. It's, it's hard to quit, I know it takes a very strong person to quit. But an even stronger person never would have started smoking in the first place. ''[crowd chants "Hardy"]'' I didn't wanna come out here and be the bearer of bad news, but let's face facts. Chances are pretty slim that any of you here will ever get the monkey off your back. You'll never be able to pry the cigarette from your lips. Or find the self-control to pour your drink from your glass. Or the self-respect to take the pill out of your mouth. See, it starts and it can't happen without learning how to say no to temptation, and that's why I'm out here. I'm out here to challenge you before it's too late. Please, learn how to say no to temptation. Learn how to say no to your vices. Learn how to control yourselves. ''[Jeff Hardy's music hits and Jeff Hardy comes out]''
:'''Jeff Hardy''': You got a lot of nerve, Punk. A lot of nerve. I mean you think you're so right, but what you don't know about people can fill a book man. I mean, you're so stuck with yourself it's like, you forgot what it's like to be human. People make mistakes and those people can change.
:'''Punk''': No, Jeff. People, these people say they can change. You know what? I'm not, I'm not going to enable you right now. In fact, I don't even wanna be in the same ring as you right now. I'm gonna do what I always do, what you should have done a long time ago. I'm gonna just say no.
===August 28===
:''[Jeff Hardy has lost a steel cage match to CM Punk for the World Heavyweight Championship, meaning he has to leave WWE]''
:'''Jeff Hardy''': First of all, I'm sorry if I let anybody down. I'm sorry that now you'll be seeing CM Punk instead of me on ''SmackDown''. But it's been one hell of a ride, hasn't it? I just want to thank all of you and I wanna let you know that this is not goodbye forever. This is only goodbye for now. And if the time is right, I'm sure I'll see you in the future. Thank you all. Hey but at least Matt's back on my side, there's still a Hardy on this show! Yours truly, Jeff Hardy. Ours truly, this life.
== 2010 ==
===April 2===
:''[After Edge takes out Chris Jericho, following Chris telling him he would not get a rematch for his World Heavyweight Championship. Edge makes his way back up the entrance ramp]''
:'''Matt Striker''': What a way to kick off the first ''SmackDown'' after WrestleMania!
:'''Todd Grisham''': Once again, Edge's spear proves fatal.
:''[suddenly Jack Swagger runs in and knocks down Edge from behind with his Money in the Bank briefcase]''
:'''Todd & Matt''': Oh!
:'''Todd''': It - it's Jack Swagger, the Money in the Bank ladder match winner!
:''[Swagger makes his way into the ring and yells at Jericho to get up, before realizing his opportunity and making his way out of the ring]''
:'''Matt''': Inside that briefcase is a contract for a championship match at any time and - Jericho's out, Todd!
:'''Todd''': This-
:'''Jack''' ''[grabbing a mic]'': Get a ref out here right now, I'm cashing in my Money in the Bank!
:'''Matt''': Oh, yeah!
:'''Todd''' ''[as Swagger throws down the mic and gets back into the ring]'': Jack almost did it on ''Raw''!
:'''Matt''': Yeah!
:'''Todd''': He's called for a referee! Jack Swagger's cashing in his contract right now!
:'''Matt''': The bank of the All-American American is open and it's cash deposits only!
:'''Todd''': Where's the referee?
:''[referee Mike Chioda runs out to the ring]''
:'''Matt''': Here he comes! The real big deal, we're gonna have this now, awesome!
:'''Todd''': This is it! The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line!
:'''Matt''': The contract is being cashed in! ''[as Chioda hands the briefcase to the timekeepers on the outside]'' This is gonna be for the world's heavyweight championship!
:'''Todd''': Swagger like a caged lion right now! He can't wait! "Ring the bell", he says!
:'''Matt''' ''[as Swagger grows impatient while Chioda picks up the mics and Jericho's jacket laying in the ring]'': Well, the official has to clear the ring for the safety of the competitors, but man, does Jericho even realize Swagger is in the ring?
:'''Todd''': Swagger is having a fit! This is his moment! Swagger looking for his first world title!
:'''Matt''' ''[as the battered Jericho slowly gets to his feet]'': Swagger endured nine other superstars to capture the Money in the Bank contract, and now, it's on! ''[Chioda gives the signal and the bell rings]'' Here we go, the moment of a lifetime!
:'''Todd''' ''[as Swagger grabs Jericho]'': Swagger, setting up-
:'''Matt''': Hook it!
:'''Todd''': Gutwrench powerbomb! This is it! Jack Swagger for the cover! ''[as the referee counts]'' 1, 2, 3! ''[the bell rings again]'' We have a new World Heavyweight Champion! Unbelievable!
:''[the referee hands Swagger the World Heavyweight Championship title and raises his arm]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here is your winner, and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, the All-American American, Jack Swagger!
:'''Matt''': Let the reign begin! Jack Swagger has cashed in the Money in the Bank contract! Jack Swagger is our new world's heavyweight champion!
:'''Todd''': The two-time all-American American can now add a world championship to his resume!
:'''Matt''': Listen, this past Monday on ''Raw'', we thought that Jack Swagger may have cashed in the Money in the Bank contract on the new WWE Champion John Cena, but no, no! Jack Swagger had a much, much different plan!
:'''Todd''': It didn't feel right on Monday night; it feels fantastic on Friday. Jack Swagger-
:'''Matt''': Wow.
:'''Todd''': ...very patient, picked his moment, seized the day, and is now walking out as a world champion.
:'''Matt''': What an opportunist! What a perfect place for the strategy for the All-American American World Heavyweight Champion!
===June 4===
:'''Theodore Long''': Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great regret that I must inform you, that over the Memorial Day weekend, The Undertaker was found by his brother Kane, in a vegetative state. There is an ongoing investigation looking into who, or what, was responsible for this brutal, heinous attack.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Kane''': Open the coffin. ''[The Undertaker's druids open the casket, revealing it's empty]'' In all likelihood, the most feared, dreaded, respected force in the history of the WWE, The Undertaker, ''[crowd cheers]'' my brother, will no longer walk amongst us. Gone are the endless nights when The Undertaker would strike fear into the hearts of those in his presence. Gone is the face of darkness, his brilliance EXTINGUISHED by an act of cowardice. Gone is the specter that was beloved and admired by millions of creatures around the world. Gone from the WWE is its most iconic figure. And gone forever are the bonds of brotherhood. My brother will rise from the dead no more. Gone is The Undertaker. But soon enough, those responsible for this atrocity will too be gone. They will be committed to the depths of hell. To a torturous existence that they cannot fathom! I will personally prosecute and persecute ANYONE who had anything to do with this tragedy! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE, COLD, CUNNING, CRUEL! There will be vengeance never before seen or felt! Vengeance never before imagined! There will be a vengeance SWIFT, DECISIVE, AND TERRIBLE! YES! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE!
== 2011 ==
===January 28===
:''[Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews "Dashing" Cody Rhodes, one week after he suffered a broken nose in a match with Rey Mysterio. Cody's back is turned to the camera the entire time]''
:'''Todd''': Cody, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you about the injury you sustained last week.
:'''Cody''': Go ahead.
:'''Todd''': Could you...turn and face the camera? It's a live interview.
:'''Cody''': No, no-no! We're not shooting my face, Todd, not even you; not...not my face. After what Rey Mysterio did to my face, I may never be able to...show myself in public, ever again. ''[the crowd cheers]'' And I have it...I have it on good authority that Rey Mysterio didn't even wanna ''win'' that match, he wasn't concerned with winning that match, why else would he have kept his knee brace exposed? He wanted to...to bash my face in. And he succeeded! Because not only do I have a deviated septum and a broken nose...but I'm going to require extensive reconstructive surgery. Doctors have told me that...I am not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. ''[the crowd cheers again]'' So, not only...not only has Rey Mysterio shattered my face...he shattered my dreams of headlining WrestleMania. I don't understand...why would anyone wanna do that to my face? I, I am - I ''was'' - the most handsome man in the world; my looks...my looks defined me, I made my living off of my looks, and now...I can't even stand the sight of myself in the mirror. I read something the other day that was...very true for me right now, and it said that "it's not who we are on the inside but what we do that defines us." Well, Todd, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna - am I gonna keep standing? Am I gonna stand up? Am I gonna keep swinging, am I gonna keep fighting? Because Rey Mysterio doesn't decide my life, I DO!! Coming into the arena today, a little kid yelled at me and said, that I wasn't "dashing" anymore because of my face. Wanna know the worst part?...he's right. That's enough.
:'''Todd''': All right. Thank you very much, Cody.
== 2012 ==
===May 18===
:'''John Laurinaitis''': You like that, don't you?! I can't hear you! You like that, right?! You like it when somebody makes fun of their boss! Since I'm the general manager of ''Raw'' and ''SmackDown'', I've been tough but fair! I've sometimes been generous. I've been benevolent. But you don't get it, do you? I work hard for you, the WWE Universe, and it seems like the harder I work, the more you like the crap all over me! Now, I'm not gonna blame John Cena and CM Punk for their actions. I'm gonna blame each and every one of you. You support what they do! You support what they say! It's your fault! I detest each and every one of you! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU! And if this is my last night on ''SmackDown'', I want all you inmates to remember the last thing I say: you can all go to hell!
===May 25===
:'''Big Show''': Now, the Monday before Over the Limit, I was fired. Now, a lot of you people know what that's like, but I've never been fired before. So, like most of you, I wasn't too proud to beg for my job. But, see, the difference between me and those of you that have been fired, you don't love what you do. It's just a job. I love what I do. I'm a 7-foot 440-pound giant that loves dominating people. Now, when I lost my dream job, I didn't know what to do. I had no visible means of supporting my family. I became very despondent. I couldn't speak. I couldn't eat. I could barely breathe. I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by all my so-called friends in and out of the ring. I felt betrayed by each and every one of you. Not one of you! ''[audience boos]'' Oh, yeah. Not one of you. Not one of the superstars in the locker room. Not one member of our production or technical crew came to my defense. After all the years and all the things I've done, that's what I get? ''[hears "You sold out!" chants]'' I sold out. Is that it? I did not sell out. No, I did not sell out. After everything that I had done for you people, this is the thanks I get. I realized, at that very moment, I realized I have no friends. I realized that I am alone in this world. And then... then, I got the call. Let me ask you. When you're drowning, do you really care where the lifeline comes from? ''[hears "Cena" chants]'' So, I made a deal. If I help John Laurinaitis defeat John Cena, I got my life back. I got a new contract and a big fat bonus. All Laurinaitis had to do was, at some point during the match, escape from John Cena and it was set. I would drag Laurinaitis back to the ring like I wanted revenge. It was just a ruse for John Cena. When I threw Laurinaitis to Cena, I knew exactly what was going to happen next. With one punch, I knocked John Cena out cold. Then, I watched Laurinaitis pin John Cena for the 1-2-3. And at No Way Out, I'm gonna do it again. You see, I understand now. You people... you people really never cared about me. Never. Well, now, I damn sure don't care about you.
===June 15===
:'''Big Show''': Look, I have no reason to lie about whether I punched Vince McMahon in the face last Monday on Raw on purpose or not. I have no reason to lie. If I came out here and said, "I did it on purpose," no idea, I might get fired but I would still get paid millions of dollars to stay at home and do nothing. So because I don't have to lie, I'm gonna tell you all the truth. Even... even when I was in WCW, I never really was allowed to reach my fullest potential because I was never allowed to outshine the so-called faces of the company. You know Hulk Hogan, Sting, Ric Flair, whatever. When the chance came and I finally became a free agent, everyone gave me advice. Everyone says, "You've got to go to WWE. You've got to talk to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon can make you the biggest star in entertainment both literally and figuratively." So, I came to the WWE. I talked to Vince McMahon. So, I talked to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon says to me, he says, ''[mimicking Vince McMahon]'' "You know, you gotta.. you gotta be a... a better businessman. You got... you got to learn to let people care about you. You got to let people in. You know, you got to learn to put on a show. Matter of fact, your name's no longer Paul Wight, your name's the Big Show." Great name. So, for 14 years, I did it Vince McMahon's way, and meanwhile, guys like John Cena, CM Punk, Randy Orton, Sheamus, they all rose to the top and I'm sitting on the sidelines. Supposed to be happy about being some kind of "special attraction"? Me, on the sidelines. I even tried it Cena's way. For ten years, I smiled, I cracked jokes, I ran to the ring slapping high-fives with the WWE Universe. I am proud that I am not John Cena. So, I think in the steel cage match, I think I'm gonna make up for lost time. I think I'm finally gonna show the world what I'm truly capable of and the best part is, I am not burdened with what you people think anymore. Yes, boo me, 'cause, unlike what I did to Vince McMahon, what I do to John Cena will be extremely deliberate. It will be calculated. It will be uncomfortable. I may be a sellout to you but this Sunday, I will make John Cena suffer. For 14 years I've been in the WWE, you know, I'm looking at this Sunday, I'm looking at No Way Out, the steel cage match this Sunday, I'm looking as my first match and I will be victorious, I guarantee it.
== 2017 ==
=== February 14 ===
:'''Bray Wyatt''': She never said this will be easy. "They will lie to you," she said. "They will try to denounce you," she said. "They will try to steal your gift," and she was right. Sister Abigail always spoke the truth, and so do I. So when I tell you that I knew this day would come, I am not telling you a lie! And on this day, in this moment in time right now, this very second, I can truly say that I have ''[holds high the newly-won WWE Championship]'' the whole damn world in my hands.
:Now, too much power, that can be a very, very scary thing. Not for me, of course, but for all of you. So I say unto you, open your ears, and I will sing you a beautiful melody. Open your eyes, and I will show you the wonders of this world! Walk by my side, and I will lead you to paradise! Stand in my way, and you will burn in the fire.
:Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you all to the Era of Wyatt!
== 2020 ==
===March 13===
:'''Triple H''': Welcome to ''Friday Night SmackDown'' on Fox. I'm The Game, Triple H, and I would like to personally welcome you to the WWE Performance Center. This 30,000 square foot amazing state-of-the-art facility with its seven rings and its world-class strength and conditioning and medical is designed to bring you the WWE superstars of the future. This is the athletic hub of the WWE. On any given day, there are a hundred athletes from all over the world training here, putting their heart and soul into everything they do, with the ultimate goal being the ultimate privilege of performing for you. Everybody from Sasha Banks, Bayley, Asuka, Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, Baron Corbin, they have all walked through these doors. And tonight, they will return to the Performance Center. Not to train, but to do what they have been trained to do better than anyone else on this planet, and that is entertain you. Now, this show will be different from anything you have ever seen before. So, sit back, relax, and if you can, forget about the world around you, and let WWE do what we do, let us put a smile on your face. Welcome to ''Friday Night SmackDown'' on Fox.
===June 26===
:'''King Corbin''': How about that, hmm? The Undertaker's final match. It just happened to be 30 years after his ''first'' match. But you guys know why they call it a boneyard match? Huh? Because that's exactly what the Undertaker is: an old bag of bones. The Undertaker's just a shell of what he used to be. I mean, he's supposed to have some storied 30-year career. Wow. Do you know how many of those years the Undertaker spent kissing the ass of a certain family? Do you know there actually used to be a club around here called the "Kiss My Ass" club? And the Undertaker, well, he was the founding member. I mean, really, a 30-year career. Nobody does that. It's impossible. Unless, unless, unless, unless you're coddled and protected by the owners. It's exactly what he was. Protected for 30 years. Undertaker, you've been stealing money from this company for the last 20 years. And you know what else, I think you're a selfish son-of-a-bitch because you've been holding superior athletes, like myself, down for a very, very long time. And now, now I gotta stand around and I gotta hear all these Hall of Famers and these legends pay their respects to the Undertaker. Matter of fact, then, all these fools come out to the stage and they chant, "Thank you, Taker." You know what? Taker, I don't thank you. Oh, don't start with that stupid chant! ''[audience chants "Thank you, Taker."]'' No, no, no, it's very simple. Matter of fact, Mark Calaway, I wanna leave you with one final thought...you suck!
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== 2021 ==
===April 9===
:'''Edge''': I went to [[w:WrestleMania VI|WrestleMania VI]]; [[w:Hulk Hogan|Hulk Hogan]] vs. [[w:The Ultimate Warrior|The Ultimate Warrior]]. And that night, I-I knew what I needed to do with the rest of my life. A-and when I dream things, I HAVE to manifest them. That's the way things work in my world, and-and some of you may relate, but a lot of you won't because common sense isn't very common. And I did... I became a WWE Superstar. A Superstar who accomplished everything. Everything... but ending my career on my terms. Now, some of you will also say "Well, isn't that enough?", and if you have to ask "Isn't that enough?", then you have NO idea the mentality it takes — to see the heights that I've seen... to fight back for your career for 9 years. See, I didn't walk away from this: I had this ripped away from me! I didn't try to forge another career off the back of this; THIS IS ALL that I wanted to do! And I fought... and I ripped my career right back outta fate's hands. I didn't come back for some "Greatest Hits" tour; to be a shell of my former self. I came back to steal the show, TO MAIN EVENT WRESTLEMANIA! And I missed 9 of 'em, so I won't apologize for that. So Daniel Bryan... (scoffs) you come out here saying this could be your last WrestleMania — Have you heard, everyone? This could be Daniel Bryan's last WrestleMania. A month in your career's like a YEAR in mine; WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS FOR ME?! So you... you use sympathy as a factor to weasel your way into this match, and then, before that, though, you had these ridiculous ideas: "Well, why don't I face the winner of Roman and Edge?" I'm assuming right after we face each other, well that got shot down. Okay, fine. "Well, why don't I face Edge on the Saturday of WrestleMania and the winner faces Roman on the Sunday?" Well, that got shot down. But, somehow, this has now been made a Triple Threat Match. Which means, Daniel Bryan can pin Roman Reigns, and I have nothing to do with that. That... that could happen. So, instead of a 1-on-1 match, a clash of the titans between TWO ERAS, now we have some indie, book store... c-clerk... troll sticking his nose in our business. Now Roman Reigns... you walk around here, man, like everyone owes you something, like you created this. I don't owe you anything. In fact, you owe ME. I mean, let's run it back: You came into the WWE in a [[w:The Shield (professional wrestling)|3-man group]]... you made your entrance through the crowd... you use a Spear as your finisher, well who set that template for you? You're [[w:Samoans|Samoan]] Edge. (chuckles) But I will say... you're good. You always have been, and I seen what you've become. I came back to swing for the fences, and Roman, you are the [[w:Green Monster|Green Monster]]. And now we had our match ripped away from us, and not only that, but the fans have had it ripped away from them. And I think some of them are on to Daniel Bryan now, except for the, the lemmings who chant "Yes!" just like they used to chant "What?". And somewhere, in all of this, SOMEWHERE, in ALL of this, t-the fact that has been lost is that this match takes place 10 years to the day, w-when I was forced to retire. It's not mentioned; no video packages, no social media platforms, no... touching videos with piano music as the bed. No, NOTHING. Anyone else? If that's Daniel Bryan, that narrative is driven into the GROUND. A-and, wh-why? Why am I having to remind everyone of this? It's because since I've been back, I have not received the respect that I deserve. I-I fought back from a torn triceps to enter the [[w:Royal Rumble (2021)|Royal Rumble]], start number 1, outlast 29 other Superstars and punch my ticket to the main event of WrestleMania. I shouldn't have to jump through hoops! I have come back from something that no one, NO ONE, in the history of sports — let alone [[w:Sports entertainment|sports entertainment]] — has ever come back from: Nine years! A TRIPLE FUSION IN MY NECK!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PAIN THAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH TO GET THIS BACK!!!! You wanna call me some kind of "part-timer"? You think I'm gonna come out here and phone it in? I am doing hurricanranas off the top rope! I am competing at a level that NO ONE has ever done from this type of injury! That is a slap in the face to me, and my work ethic! So now... it's time for me... to take, and demand, the respect that I deserve. You will put respect on my name! In case you forgot, in case you never knew; I AM THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR! You can call it "fate", you can call it "God's will", you can call it whatever the Hell you want. I am the NEXT Universal Champion... because I've DREAMT IT... and now... I will MANIFEST IT.
===October 22===
:'''Adam Pearce''': Ladies and gentlemen, no single individual can come out here and hold this show hostage or cause the kind of chaos we just witnessed. Make no mistake, Brock Lesnar's actions were completely unacceptable, completely irresponsible. And not just the property damage, he endangered our crew, he endangered our officials, he endangered his fellow superstars, and worst of all, Brock Lesnar endangered the WWE Universe, and that cannot happen. I cannot allow that to happen, not on my watch. Therefore, I have the unfortunate duty to inform all of you that due to his actions tonight, I am indefinitely suspending Brock Lesnar.
===October 29===
:'''Adam Pearce''': Brock Lesnar's actions last week were disgusting, reprehensible, and, if I'm being honest, an act of total cowardice. How dare he lay his hands on the heart of his corporate engine. I give every piece of myself to this company and I will not...I will not be disrespected. That cannot, will not happen again. I called Mr. Lesnar earlier today and I informed him over the telephone that due to his actions, in addition to his suspension, I'm hereby fining him the sum of $1 million. Thank you.
===December 17===
:'''Roman Reigns''': Chicago, you see, I said this before, and I thought I made it very clear. I don't like it when my cousins lose. You know that, right, Jey? But we're family, and we can get through anything because we're blood. ''[Turns to Paul Heyman]'' But you... you're not my blood. And you should know better than anybody that I can't have people disrespecting me, because if you disrespect me, you disrespect our entire family. So I'm gonna ask you a few questions that I thought I already asked and I figured I knew the answers to already, but...can I trust you, wise man? I took a week off, and it's like... I didn't see nothing, but I know everything that happens around here, and last week, you seemed a little shady to me. So let's get this straight. I wanna know this. Did you know Brock was gonna return at SummerSlam? Did you know Brock was gonna be at Madison Square Garden? Did you know Brock's suspension was gonna be lifted? ''[hears "You screwed up!" chants]'' Oh, you're damn right he screwed up.
:This is the most important question. Are you a special counsel, or are you an advocate? ''[As the crowd chants "Advocate," Paul motions for a mic]'' Now, before you say anything, I want you to acknowledge me with the truth. Why are you protecting Brock Lesnar from me?
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[trembling]'' My Tribal Chief, I'm not protecting Brock Lesnar from ''you.'' ''[Looks up to the sky]'' Help me. I'm protecting ''you'' from Brock Lesnar.
:'''Roman''': ''[slowly embracing Paul]'' I love you, wise man.
:'''Paul''': I love you too, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': And I thank you for your honesty, and I thank you for 40 years of service to my family.
:'''Paul''': I love you, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': And you're fired.
==2022==
===February 4===
:'''Paul Heyman''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm here tonight to serve as special counsel to your Tribal Chief, the reigning, defending, undisputed, uncontroverted WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, Roman Reigns.
:You know why we bothered to come here tonight? To acknowledge what ''really'' happened. Let's acknowledge a couple of uncomfortable truths right now. There was no plot, there was no scenario, there was no conspiracy. This was not done to make Brock Lesnar look foolish, though he looks like a damn fool now anyway. History, the evolution, the trajectory of this entire industry unfolded in front of your very eyes. On December 17, live in a great city called Chicago, I acknowledge that I made the biggest mistake of my entire career. And it wasn't the fact that I told Roman Reigns what I actually felt in my heart, it was what was in my heart that I must acknowledge made me look really foolish. I told the Head of the Table, I told the greatest champion in the history of WWE that he needed to be protected from Brock Lesnar because that's what I honestly thought after spending 20 years of my life with Brock Lesnar. And I got fired, and I got Superman Punched right in the face because of it. And ladies and gentlemen, I acknowledge I deserved every bit of it.
:So there I was, like an unemployed Oklahoman, just out in the ocean of obscurity, languishing, just miserable because I knew my entire career was over. But then, then I saw the moment, and I seized the opportunity when COVID picked the wrong human being to infect, and Roman Reigns couldn't make Day 1. I got Brock Lesnar into an unscheduled fatal 5-way, and Brock Lesnar pulled off what only he or Roman Reigns could've pulled off. Brock Lesnar became the WWE Champion of the world, and everything was gonna be fine. Brock Lesnar on ''Raw'', Roman Reigns on ''SmackDown!'', both ruling the roost, and everybody was in their place, except...''[motioning between himself and Roman]'' this.
:So what did Brock Lesnar do his first night as champion? He makes the conscious decision, "we're gonna go to ''SmackDown!'', I'm gonna get up in Roman Reigns's face, and I'm gonna challenge Roman Reigns to title vs. title, champion vs. champion, winner-take-all at WrestleMania." How freakin' stupid is that?! It's as stupid as that damn smile on his face and the beard and this freakin' ponytail! Brock Lesnar looks like a schmuck, and now he acts like a schmuck! He wants to challenge Roman Reigns instead of just accepting his place in history over on ''Raw''.
:And I knew right there, I was stuck. I knew I had no way out. I screwed up with the Tribal Chief, I'm stuck with a happy Saskatchewan farmer who just wants to come in here and take everybody to Suplex City. And we get to Royal Rumble, and Brock Lesnar does just that. Brock Lesnar took Bobby Lashley to Suplex City. And then, Roman Reigns showed this conqueror that a GOAT can always slay a Beast, because I thought I was gonna spend my life saying, "ladies and gentlemen, the ''reigning, defending, undisputed...''" You will never hear that again.
:Because Roman Reigns came into the ring at the Royal Rumble, and he smashed Brock Lesnar. ''[Drops to his knees]'' And at that moment in my life, I understood I don't need to protect Roman Reigns from Brock Lesnar; I needed to protect Brock Lesnar from Roman Reigns! Roman Reigns came to me, and he offered me the hand of forgiveness, he... he offered me the hand of love, he offered me the hand of family, he offered me the hand of the Bloodline. Roman Reigns offered me the hand of acknowledgement, and I handed Roman Reigns that WWE Championship, and he smashed Brock Lesnar in the face with it. And because of Roman Reigns, Bobby Lashley pinned Brock Lesnar, and Bobby Lashley is your new WWE Heavyweight Champion.
:Which means you now all have to acknowledge that there will be no title vs. title, champion vs. champion, winner-take-all at WrestleMania because Brock Lesnar does not get what Brock Lesnar wants. Brock Lesnar will do what Roman Reigns wants Brock Lesnar to do. And at WrestleMania, Brock Lesnar will acknowledge ''the'' champion, Roman Reigns.
:Hey, Brock, this is how it's done. ''[Turns to Roman]'' I, Paul Heyman, acknowledge you, Roman Reigns, as my Tribal Chief. And now, Oklahoma City, this is your chance to show a worldwide audience your moment in history! OKC, acknowledge your Tribal Chief!
===March 4===
:'''Sami Zayn''' ''[throwing a fit after losing the Intercontinental Championship]'' It should've been mine! That championship is mine! What are you following me for, huh? Why are you following me?! You like following me with your little cameras when I'm humiliated. Is that it? Is that it? You wanna follow me when I'm down just like Johnny Knoxville? Following me everywhere. Following me on Instagram and stalking me in my comments. Following me every week to Smackdown. I got an idea, Knoxville! You wanna follow me so bad? Why don't you follow me to Dallas and I will see you at WrestleMania!
===May 20===
:'''Roman''': Grand Rapids...acknowledge me! You see, tonight's special. Tonight is a special night because you're not only acknowledging your Tribal Chief. No, no, no, tonight, you acknowledge my cousins, the Usos. Which means tonight, you acknowledge the Bloodline! Wise man.
:'''Paul''': Yes, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': Tell them why.
:'''Paul''': ''[taking the mic]'' Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the single biggest night in the history of tag team wrestling. You see, what we have on the Island of Relevancy is the moment of truth tonight. Roman Reigns is the GOAT, undisputed, the Greatest of All Time. You can take your Bruno Sammartinos, you can take your Hulk Hogans, you can take your Stone Cold Steve Austins, you can take your Dwayne "The Rock" Johnsons, you can take your Brock Lesnars, you can take your John Cenas. You can stack them all up, and that's what would happen if they stepped into the ring at the same time with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns. They would be stacked up and smashed and pinned by the undisputed GOAT, the Greatest of All Time, Roman Reigns.
:And while you sit there with your insecure cheers, here's something you have to acknowledge. Each and every single night of his life, Roman Reigns defends the position of being the greatest of all time. Because that's what it takes to be the Tribal Chief on the Island of Relevancy. So what, what does it take for the Usos to be the greatest tag team of all time? And I say that with a lot of nervousness in my voice because I stand in the ring with the descendants, the direct descendants of Afa and Sika. So to claim "greatest tag team of all time" would be pretty disrespectful if you don't do something that not even Afa and Sika, the Wild Samoans, ever accomplished. What is that accomplishment? Unifying the tag team titles! Don't just be the longest-reigning SmackDown Tag Team Champions of all time, be the only tag team ever, ''ever'' to be SmackDown Tag Team Champions and Raw Tag Team Champions at the very same time. And to do so, the Usos have to defeat Randy Orton and Riddle, RK-Bro.
:Let's give credit where credit's due. This is the best tag team in ''SmackDown'' against the best tag team on ''Raw'', perhaps the best tag team in the history of ''Monday Night Raw''. But the Usos have to earn their spot. They have to be relevant, they can't be yesterday's news, and it's not enough to just be the cousins of the Tribal Chief. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the Usos will come home the Undisputed Tag Team Champions, or they won't come home to the Island of Relevancy at all. Tonight, the Usos will beat RK-Bro! Tonight, the Usos will become the greatest tag team of all time! Tonight, the Usos will be the undisputed tag team champions of the world! And that's not just a prediction. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a spoiler.
:'''Roman''': Usos! Twins, you know what I want, and I expect you to deliver. The only reason I have these expectations is because I love you.
===October 7===
:'''Maxxine''': What is going on here?! I'm so over this! Max, what were you thinking?
:'''LA Knight''': Do NOT call me that name again. I gave you and them gold and y'all turned into trash! You think I'm just gonna hang out here and be something I'm not? Nah, nah! What I'm not: Max. What I am, who I am: LA Knight, yeah.
===October 21===
:'''Michael Cole''': Sami Zayn, who I say is doing his best Greg Hirsch impersonation, if you watch ''Succession''.
:'''Wade Barrett''': I do, indeed. I'd say he's more like Tom, if you ask me. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't trust either of them.
==2023==
===June 16===
:'''Roman Reigns''': I know what they want. They want answers, Jey. So what's it gonna be? Are you in, or are you out?
:'''Jey Uso''': You tell me, Uce. Hey, it's either gonna be him ''[pointing at Paul Heyman]'', or it's me.
:'''Roman''': Alright, listen. When you're Tribal Chief, you can pick anyone you want to be to be your wise man. This is my wise man. He's not the Bloodline's wise man, he's not Jey's wise man, he's not Jimmy's wise man. No, he's ''my'' wise man. He's here to help me as I lead. That's what you don't understand. I was only meant to get us to the promised land; you're meant to keep us here. You understand? You're meant to keep us here. You're meant to keep us at the top of the mountain.
:Wise man said that we started grooming you. No, no, no, we've been grooming you for over three years now. Three years now of hard work and equity into you. Why do you think you're the right-hand man? Why do you think we put you in a position to become the Main Event Jey Uso? Because you're meant to lead, just not yet. So the problem isn't the wise man, and I told you this before. The problem...is your brother.
:I know. I've been with you my whole lives, you're inseparable. That's what it is. You're twins. But you have to understand...
:'''Jimmy Uso''': ''[entering the arena and ring]'' Yo, yo. The problem isn't your brother, Jey. The problem is our cousin. Yeah, let's get right to it. Let's get right to it, Uce. You say you're a leader, and you say he's grooming you. But in reality, he's using you, bro. Yeah. Look at me. You actually believe this garbage that is coming out of his mouth? Look at me, Uce. You believe this? Over me?
:'''Roman''': ''[laughing as the crowd chants "USO!"]'' Listen to them. They weren't doing this ten years ago. Hell, it took ten years just to get y'all ''in'' WrestleMania. And since you've been with me, you've main-evented every single one! He's an anchor, I'm the wings! I lift you up, he drags you down! You have a great future in front to you, I told you. You're the next in line, you're the successor, you're the next Tribal Chief. And guess what. You can't be a Tribal Chief and a twin at the same time.
:So go ahead. Let him say... let him plead to you, let him beg you, let him give you that brother love. But hey, I can put on a mask, too. You know what I'm saying? But the reality is... actually, wise man.
:'''Paul Heyman''': I love you, my Tribal Chief. Yes, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': When we named Jey the right-hand man, who was the only one that had a problem with it?
:'''Paul''': ''[hesitantly]'' His brother.
:'''Roman''': It wasn't the wise man, it was his suggestion.
:'''Paul''': ''[to Jey]'' I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
:'''Jey''': ''[to Jimmy]'' Is that true? Hey, look at me! Is that true?!
:'''Jimmy''': It's true, man.
:'''Jey''': Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. So this whole damn time, you've been doubting me?!
:'''Jimmy''': I never doubted you...
:'''Jey''': No! No! I expect that from him, but not you! Let me guess. Because you know what's best for both of us, right? Big brother, right? "Listen to your older brother, Joshua. That's your older brother, Joshua." That's all I heard growing up!
:Hey, you know what? Me and you be competing against him, when in all reality, I've been trying to keep up with your ass! Mister... Mr. Prom Prince right here. Mr. Prom King right here. Mr. Player of the Year. Mr. Most Likely to Succeed. Hey, hey, hey, guess what. A blessing happened in disguise. You got hurt, I stepped up! I main-evented ''SmackDown!'', I main-evented pay-per-views, I main-evented WrestleMania. You know why? They know us now! I'm the right-hand man, Main Event Jey Uso, and it's all because of him!
:So guess what! You out! And I'm out, too.
:''[Jey superkicks Roman to the shock of Paul and Solo Sikoa]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh, my God! ''[Solo runs into a superkick from Jimmy]'' Solo's stunned... ''[...and another...]'' from both Usos!
:''[The Usos turn to leave the ring, but turn back towards Roman's screaming. They both superkick Roman.]''
:'''Michael''': The Bloodline is done as we know it! Roman's empire has crumbled! [[Julius Caesar (play)#Act III|Et tu, Jey!]]
===August 25===
:'''Michael Cole''': Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This past week, we lost two beloved members of our WWE family: Hall of Famer Terry Funk, and the one and only Bray Wyatt. Tonight on ''Friday Night SmackDown'', we will honor their legacy and celebrate their lives. The lives of two incredible men who have touched all of us with their passion, their creativity, and their spirit. Please join us for a moment of silence in our traditional ten bell salute.
===December 22===
:''[During the 8-women Holiday Havoc match]''
:'''Corey Graves''': I'll let you in on a little holiday mythology, KP: every time a table breaks, an angel gets its wings. I didn't just make that up, either.
:'''Kevin Patrick''': ''[as Bianca Belair slams a gift box onto Iyo Sky's head]'' What's in ''this'' present?
:'''Corey''': Nothing. Ask [[w:Dick in a Box|Justin Timberlake]].
<hr width=50%>
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as Michin hits a senton bomb on Iyo Sky]'' Senton through the table!
:'''Corey''': [[National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation|Hallelujah! Holy crap! Where's the Tylenol?]]
==2024==
===January 6===
:''[Nick Aldis tries to talk to Paul Heyman as The Bloodline ruin the Triple-Threat match between AJ Styles, Randy Orton, and LA Knight]''
:'''Nick Aldis''': Oh and one more thing...
:'''Paul Heyman''': Don't touch me!! ''[walks off]''
:'''Aldis''': ''[slows him down]'' Hey hey, when he's done celebrating ''[refers to Roman Reigns lording over Orton]'', tell him congratulations.
:'''Heyman''': Now why?
:'''Aldis''': 'Cause he just earned himself a Fatal Four-Way match with all three of these guys at the Royal Rumble. ''[smiles, taps Paul on the arm and walks off, leaving Heyman visibly shocked]''
===June 21===
:''[CM Punk addresses the Bloodline, but remembers something]''
:'''CM Punk''': Paul.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Yes?
:'''Punk''': What's the favor you wanted to ask of me if I do you this favor?
:'''Heyman''': ''[comes to Punk distressed]'' Take me with you! ''[The Bloodline is shocked]''
:'''Punk''': Solo, Solo, I acknowledge... ''[Solo mouths off "say it"]'' the fact that I don't see the Bloodline standing in front of me, I see a bunch of fake-ass Usos, and ''[points to Solo]'' a phony cosplay Tribal Chief!
:''[The Bloodline rushes the ring, but leave when Cody Rhodes appears and he gives CM Punk a bat]''
:'''Cody Rhodes''': Solo, you fashion yourself the head of the Table right?
:'''Solo Sikoa''': Damn right, damn right!
:'''Rhodes''': I've already beaten one head of the Table. So why don't you leave your family backstage, Kevin and Randy won't accompany me. We settle this here, we settle this TONIGHT!
===June 28===
:'''Kevin Owens''': Hey, Bloodline! If you thought we were gonna wait until Money in the Bank, you're even dumber than you look.
:'''Randy Orton''': Hey, Kev, check it out. The Bloodline has been crawling up my ass for over two years. They put me on the shelf for 18 freaking months. So at Money in the Bank, we put The Bloodline down for good.
:'''Cody Rhodes''': The Bloodline looks in this ring and you know what they see? They see three victims. I don't see three victims. I see one of the most dangerous men on the planet, somebody that's headlined Wrestlemania. I see my friend, Kevin Owens. And I see a 14-time world champion, a first ballot Hall of Famer, a man who's responsible for me standing here, The Legend Killer, Randy Orton. And here's what else I see: I see a sold-out world's famous arena, Madison Square Garden. You see, magic like this or crowd like this, I should be defending my WWE Championship here tonight against a worthy credible opponent. Instead, I'm fighting a war with The Bloodline, I respectfully I thought I already finished at Wrestlemania. ''[NYPD shows up]'' Solo, look at me. At Money in the Bank, I don't know why we're calling it The Bloodline because I don't see a boss. I don't see a Tribal Chief. I don't see the Head of the Table. I see a seat filler.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Solo reiterates his leadership of the Bloodline. The other members have acknowledged him, but when he asks it of Paul Heyman...]''
:'''Paul Heyman''': Solo, I love you...
:'''Solo Sikoa''': I love you, too.
:'''Heyman''': ''[anguished]'' ...and I acknowledge... ''[readies ula fala garland]'' that you are NOT MY TRIBAL CHIEF!!! ''[throws away ula fala and mic, and gets slammed by a furious Solo's Samoan Spike]''
:'''Corey Graves''': Oh, my God! Samoan Spike to the wise man!
:'''Wade Barrett''': The biggest mistake of Heyman's life, and it might be his last.
:'''Solo''': ''[as Paul is on the mat]'' I loved you! You hear me?! I loved you! I tried! I tried! You understand me?! I loved you! I tried! Jacob, get him up there!!
==2025==
===July 25===
:'''Triple H''': Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, we lost one of the biggest and most globally recognized icons in the world. A man I grew up watching, was fortunate enough to share the ring with, and like so many of us, were honored to call a friend. The truth is, he captivated millions of people and inspired them around the globe. We would not be standing here right now, all of us together, if it was not for him. So please, help us honor him now, as we give a ten-bell salute to Terry Bollea, the one, and the only, the immortal, Hulk Hogan.
===August 1===
:''[Cody Rhodes interrupts John Cena, but before he can speak, Cena makes a "Quiet" gesture]''
:'''John Cena''': Cody Rhodes, I told you I was exhausted, and that a match at SummerSlam would be too difficult for me. You didn't listen. You assaulted me. You forged my signature, and you forced me into one of the most dangerous matches in WWE on one of its grandest stages for its biggest championship. I only got one thing left to say to you. ''[pauses briefly]'' Thank you. 'Cause that was just the boot in the ass that I needed. For 25 years, day in and day out, I have forged a reputation off of hard work, honesty and respect. And I now realize that, five months ago, I flushed it all down the toilet, chasing false glory when I bought into somebody's crazy idea to make shocking TV. And we did. We shocked the world. We made great TV, but then the dust settles. And then everybody goes back to their normal lives, and the people that were supposed to be on my team, they left. And they left me alone, trying to pretend to be something I'm not. I want to leave here with this. ''[holds up the Undisputed WWE Championship]'' After my last match, I want to take this home with me, but it's not because I want to ruin wrestling. Geez, you guys know, I don't want to ruin wrestling. I love wrestling. I want to take this with me, so after I'm gone, you guys don't forget about me. ''[the crowd cheers]'' I was so hung up on how you might see me tomorrow that I forgot to realize how stupid I am acting today. And y'all tried to tell me. Over and over again, you tried to tell me, and I didn't listen. Cody, ''you'' tried to tell me, and I didn't listen. But you did what a good friend should do. You forced me to face it. You forced me into a fight. ''[puts the Undisputed WWE Championship on his shoulder]'' Not a match. A fight. Something that's gonna be brutal. Something that is gonna force me to dig down and be who I really am! Something that if I don't show up FOR WAR, I shouldn't show up AT ALL! Mark your calendar, Cody! August 1, 2025, Newark, New Jersey: THE DAY THAT JOHN CENA CAME BACK TO THE WWE! ''[the crowd cheers]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena!
:'''Cena''': You hear that?! I don't know who leaves with this on Sunday, but I do know who wins: ''[points to the WWE Universe]'' each and every one of you! ''[the crowd cheers]'' Because I'm finally over my own BS, and at long last, we get to see Cody Rhodes face off against the Greatest Of All Time at my best… ''[the crowd cheers]'' with something to prove in a main event Street Fight with no rules that ''you'' wanted! Well, if you want some…
:'''Crowd''': COME GET SOME!
:'''Cena''': ''[holds up the Undisputed WWE Championship]'' …come get some! ''[the crowd cheers]'' And on Sunday, the only platinum rapper showing up to whip your ass is me. ''[the crowd cheers wildly]'' '''THE CHAMP… IS… HERE!!!!!''' ''[the crowd continues cheering wildly as Cena holds the Undisputed WWE Championship up high]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena! ''[Cody takes off his jacket and grabs two beer cans from ringside]''
:'''Cody Rhodes''': Welcome back, John Cena. ''[the crowd cheers]''
:'''Joe Tessitore''': This is incredible. ''[Cody and Cena each take a beer can and open it. Then they shake hands and each take a sip as the crowd cheers]'' He's back. The real John Cena that Cody wanted, he's getting him, Wade.
:'''Wade Barrett''': What the hell just happened, Joe Tess? ''[Cody leaves]''
:'''Joe''': In a span of 15 minutes, and 30 seconds, it went from a cascade of boos to the cheers and the standing ovation he received for two decades of well-earned work. John Cena declaring that Cody Rhodes gave him the wake-up call he needed. That he was stupid, that everybody tried to tell him. ''[Cena climbs to the second turnbuckle and holds the Undisputed WWE Championship up high as his music plays and the crowd cheers]'' But being forced into a fight, he acknowledges he doesn't want to ruin wrestling! He wants to be who he's always been and that he's over his own BS! John Cena is back! The wake-up call embraced by a massive crowd here the night before SummerSlam as Cody Rhodes grabs the beers and toasts to that, and it comes your way Sunday. ''[Cena slides out of the ring and embraces his wife]''
:'''Wade''': Well, I kept waiting for John Cena to drop the hammer and cheap shot Cody Rhodes like this was another ruse, but apparently not, and this Street Fight on Sunday for the Undisputed WWE Championship just got a whole hell of a lot more interesting. Because if the real John Cena truly is back, I promise you, the mountain for Cody Rhodes just got a hell of a lot steeper this Sunday at SummerSlam. ''[Cena walks back to the entrance way and holds the Undisputed WWE Championship up high as the crowd cheers]''
===September 5===
:''[CM Punk has had enough of the tongue-lashing from Becky Lynch over having nobody by his side facing her and mocking him as a disgrace to Chicago]''
:'''CM Punk''': Becky, this is the situation I wanted to avoid, because you know, I know, everybody knows, I would never put my hands on a lady. Thankfully, I got somebody who will. ''[AJ Lee's music kicks in]''
===September 26===
:''[Drew McIntyre comes out wearing a protective medical boot following his loss to Cody Rhodes at WrestlePalooza]''
:'''Drew McIntyre''': You know, it just occurred to me when I walked out here this is the same arena I returned to WWE in 2017. I sat right there at Takeover. It's the same arena I beat Randy Orton in front of a bunch of screens for my second WWE Championship right there. [points to the middle of the ring] And it's the same arena I should have walked out for the first time in front of live fans as WWE Champion, but I'm not champion… because of Cody Rhodes. I had Cody beat on Saturday. I could see it in his eyes. Everybody could feel it, but Cody was one step ahead, wasn't he? He's a master Chess player. Think back to the match. Exhibit A: The referee took a full six seconds to finally count a pinfall I had! Exhibit B: I had Cody dead to rights for a Claymore. I was gonna put his head right through the announce table 'cause that's the only way you're gonna take down Super Cody, and what happened? The referee got between us, and why? Why? Is it a DQ? It's my match to throw away, but let me ask you this: If I Claymored Cody's head into those steel steps, is it a DQ? No! He protected him, gave him a chance to move, and it cost me the damn Championship! Do the referees work for WWE? Or do they work for Cody Rhodes? I don't blame the ref. Ryan Tran, I forgive you. You've got a family to provide for. I blame Cody Rhodes! He's got all the power, and with great power comes great responsibility and even greater corruption, and that's exactly what's going on here!
:'''Nick Aldis''': You know something, Drew... [walks out] A lot of things you said actually make sense. I actually see a lot of this from your point of view, but you and I know this is wrestling. You win some, you lose some. Sometimes you're the hammer, sometimes you're the nail. It wasn't your night. Don't make excuses. I've known you a long time. You're better than that. And speaking of, I saw you kick the table, but I don't know where that boot came from, because it didn't come from our medical team. Because they checked you out.
:'''Drew''': Oh, the WWE medical team? What a shock! It might as well be the Cody Rhodes medical team! I've got my own damn medical team! Nick, all I want is what's right! I just want what’s right!
:'''Nick''': [interrupting Drew mid-sentence] Just stop! Oh, my God, Drew, just stop! Okay? Enough with the excuses, okay? You trying to suggest that the reason you're not WWE Champion is because of corruption…
:'''Drew''': Yes.
:'''Nick''': …is insane. Okay? I have to draw the line somewhere because that's not what happened. The referee's decision was final. That's it. That's all of it. That's all I have to say about it. If you want to stay out here, go ahead, but I'm done. Enjoy the rest of your night. ''[leaves]''
:'''Drew''': Really? You're gonna walk away from me, Nick? You know this is BS! Everyone knows it's BS! I'm the champion without a championship! They all know in the locker room, and I was dangerous on this mic-- ''[Jacob Fatu's music hits, and he marches out towards the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Booker... the Samoan Werewolf, Jacob Fatu, is here! And here is one bad, bad man.
:'''Booker T''': Oh, yes, man. No bread, no water, just meat! He's hungry, man! ''[Jacob climbs into the ring and stands face to face with Drew]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
:''[Drew lifts his microphone to speak, but Jacob swipes it away from him in annoyance]''
:'''Jacob Fatu''': Man, shut your ass up! Hey, you know what? Just to double back and tap in with something else, stop bitching! You come out here every week. You cry, you complain, you're blaming everybody else for ''your'' wrongdoing! Hey, matter of fact, why don't you just sit your peg leg ass down? ''[Drew attempts a small smile, then angrily snatches back the mic]''
:'''Drew''': Who the hell do you think you are?! Yeah, you've had a great run in the past year, but I'm Drew Freakin' McIntyre! And you want to come out here and try and pump me out?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
:'''Drew''': If I wasn't hurt right-- ''[Jacob swipes back the mic]''
:'''Jacob''': If you wasn't hurt, ''what''?! 'Cause you must have forgot that Jacob Fatu is '''all gas, no brakes with it! YADADA MEAN--''' ''[Drew cuts him off by delivering a Glasgow Kiss headbutt...]''
:'''Cole''': Oh!
:'''Booker''': Oh, yeah!
:'''Cole''': A Glasgow Kiss by McIntyre... ''[...only making Jacob angrier, and he delivers a vicious super kick to Drew]'' ...obviously angered Fatu, who delivers a big super kick!
:'''Booker''': It's on, dawg! It's on! ''[Jacob angrily rips the medical boot off Drew's leg]''
:'''Cole''': Well, so much for the non-WWE medical boot. ''[Jacob knocks Drew down with his own medical boot]'' Jacob off the face of McIntyre!
==2026==
===March 13===
:''[A furious Drew McIntyre comes out after losing the WWE Championship to Cody Rhodes]''
:'''Drew McIntyre''': Aldis! Aldis, you can take that contract and shove it up your arse! ''[to a fan]'' Move! ''[climbs over the barricade]'' Hey, you see what happened last week?! ''[stands on the commentary table]'' My damn title was stolen from me! You couldn't help yourself, could you, Nick?! You had to make sure your golden boy Cody Rhodes got the title match before WrestleMania! You're going to get out here right now, and you're to make this right! I'll stay here all night long.
:'''Nick Aldis''': ''[walks out; interrupting]'' Let me explain this to you in plain English. There is nothing to make right. Part of being Champion, as you well know, is defending the Championship, and I made you do that in a fair one-on-one contest. A contest in which, by the way, you head-butted a referee, and it still didn't go your way. And now you're out here playing the victim again. Drew, you're looking for somebody to blame. What you should be really looking at are the consequences of your own actions. ''[steps into the ring]''
:'''Drew''': The consequences of ''my'' actions? Yeah, beside the fact Jacob got involved, you had to make the match with Cody, yeah, yeah, yeah, even though we had a deal. He lost the Royal Rumble. He lost the Elimination Chamber. But you had to make sure the corporate Champion got his belt, right, you corporate stooge!?
:'''Nick''': Don't you dare call me that! You know who I am! You know where I came from! You want to talk about the Rumble? You want to talk about the Chamber? Oh, you mean those two matches where you screwed Cody out of his shot? Real rich, for the guy who claims to keep getting screwed. So you listen to me. You did everything you could to prevent Cody from getting a fair shot, and now I understand why. 'Cause the first time he got one, he beat you. ''[Drew furiously jumps off the commentary table, steps into the ring and marches right up to Nick]''
:'''Drew''': You know it, and I know it. THIS IS BULLSHIT! Now, you are going to make this right, or else!
:'''Nick''': ''[inaudibly]'' Or else what?
:''[Jacob Fatu's music hits and he marches out to the ring]''
:'''Wade Barrett''': Well, just when the threat level seemingly could not get any higher, enter the Samoan Werewolf!
:'''Joe Tessitore''': The temperature has risen here in Phoenix. ''[Jacob steps into the ring]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
:'''Jacob Fatu''': ''[to the crowd]'' Yadada mean?! ''[the crowd cheers; to Drew]'' Fix? ''[scoffs]'' Fix what? Huh, Drew? You wouldn't even be Champion if it wasn't for me. So let's state the facts. I fixed this situation last week so Drew McIntyre is no longer Champion. So this isn't about him. ''[points to Nick]'' This isn't about Cody. This isn't about anybody else. So you pointing fingers…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': …you blaming people…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''':…blaming the ref…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': …blaming Nick…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': …blaming everybody else.
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': But let's keep it 100 with you.
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': I'm the one that screwed your ass. So let me break it down to you, Drew. What the hell… you going to… do… about it?
:'''Drew''': What am I going to do about it? You want to know what I'm going to do about it? You, Nick, Cody, these people… I'm done with you all. ''[marches up to Nick]'' I quit. ''[leaves, much to Nick's shock]''
:'''Joe''': Quit? What? Drew McIntyre's just walking off, Wade.
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'''''[[w:WWE SmackDown|WWE SmackDown]]''''' is a professional wrestling television program that originally debuted as a special on April 29, 1999 and formally became a weekly show on August 26, 1999.
==2000==
===January 13===
:''[Mick Foley as Mankind appears while Triple H insults a fake Mankind on the ring]''
:'''Mick Foley''': Triple H, that is enough! Is this what you get off on? Making fun of me? How much more, do you want from me? First, you take away my job, then you bring this idiot out there and you take away my dignity then Monday night, in what should have been the greatest night of my life when I was reinstated on RAW is WAR, you take me and you ruin my shirt and you ruin my face and I'll be honest when I stepped onto the shower and I let the cold water run down on my head and I looked down at the pool of blood as it swirled down the shower drain, I started thinking a little big about what Mankind was. Well, Mankind is an entertaining son of a gun. Mankind is a pretty damn good author, Mankind is one tough SOB and Mankind is one hell of a fighter. So it saddens me to say that after the beating you gave me on Monday night one thing Mankind is not is ready to face you in a streetfight at the Royal Rumble in Madison Square Garden because you are without a doubt, The Game. You are the best in the business right now and as you said Mankind in some ways is nothing more than a beaten-up pathetic fool. But I think the WWF fans deserve a substitute in that match. What I'm gonna do, Triple H, is I'm gonna name him right now - as a matter of fact, I think you know the guy. ''[walks down, removes mask and shirt, revealing the Cactus Jack Wanted Dead shirt to huge response]'' And I think you know him pretty damn well. His name, is Cactus Jack! And his first official act as part of the WWF is to kick your teeth all over the city of Chicago!
===February 24===
:''[The Rock appears as a tagteam match between him with Chris Jericho against Kurt Angle and the Big Show is set for the night]''
:'''The Rock''': Chris Jericho, the Rock says that tag-team wrestling really isn't in his repertoire, but tonight, the Rock will team with you as long the Rock can get that Olympic goof to know his role and shut his mouth! But then again, the Rock could care less about Kurt Angle. The only reason he would pair you is to get his hands, on the Big Show. Big Show, the Rock says this: He's heard your complaints, he has seen your footage, and the Rock says you are absolutely right. The Rock says you're right, the Rock's feet did touch the ground first and you are right the Rock did call you a jabroni, and you are right, these people - the Rock's people - boo your candyass! ''[Rocky chants]'' Well Big Show, you wanna know why they boo you? You know why they don't treat you with the respect that you think you deserve? Well you see the Rock has a little bit of video footage of his own. The Rock has some video footage of the one thing you think you do best so the Rock says roll the footage. ''[clip of Rock mocking Big Show's chokeslam arm and battlecry; Big Show fumes]'' Now Big Show, just in case you didn't digest that, let's look at it one more time from a different angle! ''[front-view clip of Rock mocking Big Show again]'' Now Big Show, seeing as you have a third-grade education, maybe you will understand it one more time in slow motion. ''[The Rock makes a fake slowmo shot of Big Show's tell]'' You see Big Show that is why they boo you. That is why they don't treat you with respect, because you whine, you bitch, you moan, and complain ''[mock whining]'' But me? Why? Why you boo me? You should chant me don't boo me - ''[normal]'' oh shut your mouth! Big Show, the Great One says this - he realizes you're seven feet, he realizes that you are 500 pounds and the Rock realizes that you are without a shadow of a doubt, the biggest threat in the Rock's career and come No Way Out, don't worry about the crowds, come No Way Out don't worry about whether or not they boo you. The only thing you should worry about, Big Show, is this - is how you're gonna stop the Brahma Bull from kicking your candyass and going to WrestleMania. If you SMELLL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!
===April 27===
:''[Having had enough of the Stone Cold Steve Austin-themed pranks they had all night long, the McMahon-Helmsley Regime calls out The Rock on his earlier warning that Austin was indeed in the area]''
:'''The Rock''': The Rock promised that Stone Cold was gonna be here tonight, and the Rock is a man and a half living up to his word, and always keeps his promises! Now all night long, the Rock has thoroughly enjoyed watching all your candy asses get confused, get paranoid. The beer, the rattlesnake, the only regret is that the Rattlesnake didn't bite one of you in your candy asses! Shane McMahon, beating up the cardboard cutout of Stone Cold. Real tough. Triple H, beating up the Stone Cold lookalike in a bathroom! Well, who do you think the Rock is? The Rock doesn't dress like Stone Cold, The Rock doesn't talk like Stone Cold, the Rock doesn't even ''look'' like Stone Cold... but ''[gestures to Smackdown screen]'' HE looks like Stone Cold. ''[Austin appears on screen]''
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Hell, I understand you jackasses have been looking for me. Hell, I'm at the parking lot, I've been here in out all night long! Now there seems to be some concern over whose side Stone Cold Steve Austin is gonna be on this Sunday at [[w:Backlash_(2000)|Backlash]]. Will Stone Cold Steve Austin be looking to favor Triple H or will Stone Cold Steve Austin be on the side of The Rock. That's an easy one for Stone Cold to answer, because the answer to that is, I'm gonna be on the side I've always been on and that's mine! But what I've got right now, is a little demonstration for ya, to any one of you little grubby bastards that thinks they're gonna get their hands on Stone Cold Steve Austin. You see, there's a lot of people out there that are good at construction, a lot of people good at building little things with their hands. Hell it seems the only thing I've ever been good at is tearing shit up. Basically, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm good at deconstruction, so what we got here ''[tears off label in crane, revealing AUSTIN DECONSTRUCTION]'' is my own little toy and Stone Cold Steve Austin's got just a little example of what might happen ''[gets in control booth]'' if anybody gets their little grubby meathooks on me!
:'''Michael Cole''': Where is he, King?
:'''Jerry Lawler''': He's in a parking lot.
:'''Austin''': ''[sets up controls]'' Oh that's what I'd like to hear.
:'''Cole''': What the hell is he doing? ''[sees Austin set up a concrete barrier over the DX Express bus]'' Wait a minute, that's the DX Express!! ''[Austin drops barrier on the bus and the bus explodes]'' Holy cow! Do you believe that? The DX... Express bus just exploded!!
:'''Lawler''': It's on fire!
:'''Austin''': And that's what's gonna happen to anybody that tries to mess with Stone Cold Steve Austin this Sunday at Backlash AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, 'CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!!
:'''Lawler''': He's demolished the DX Express!
:'''Cole''': Oh hell yeah, Stone Cold is back! Austin 3:16 says, "I just wrecked your bus!" Sunday night, King, at Backlash, on pay-per-view could be the Rock's night 'cause Stone Cold said so!
===May 11===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Now, I understand, that there are a number of you... ''[hears "Asshole!" chants]'' I understand that there are a number of you... I understand that... I understand that some of you feel as though that the McMahon-Helmsley Faction, last Monday on ''Raw'', just wasn't fair to Chris Jericho. I understand that many of you feel as though, since the McMahon-Helmsley Faction made Chris Jericho compete on three different occasions, defending the Intercontinental title until he lost it, that it just wasn't fair. Well, that's just too damn bad. Because, if you don't think it was fair Monday, you're probably the same kind of people who wait in line, you wait forever in line, like sheep all lined up, you wait in line, waiting your turn, and then you'll see someone like myself, very aggressively cut in the front of the line, and you'll say, "Wait a minute! That's not fair!" And what about the parking lot, we've all been there. There you are, patiently waiting for your little parking space, and it suddenly appears, you start driving your car - Oop! Someone zips in, cuts you off, parks their car, and you say "Wait a minute! That's MY parking space, that's not fair!" What about, what about on those few occasions, when you will honestly and objectively, look into the full-length mirror? ''[senses reactions]'' Alright, now we're getting somewhere. And you women, look into the mirror, and you look at yourselves, and you say "Ewwww, eeeeh. Look at the cellulite hanging from my hips and my buttocks! That's not fair!" And you men, you men won't come close to the mirror! But on that occasion where you might take a quick glimpse, you say "Oh, That can't be me. No, that can't be me with the pot belly, and the small genitalia! Oh no, that's not fair!" And you look at yourselves. Go ahead, look at yourselves! Look at the person sitting next to you, yeah, look at ‘em! Look at the person sitting in front of you! Go ahead, look at all of you! You look at yourselves, and you compare yourselves to the beautiful people here in this ring, and you say "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!" And, forget about the looks, what about ''[makes money gesture]'' the money, huh? What about the money?! Uh-huh! You scrimp and you save, you work yourselves half to death, and still, you can't afford what you really want? "That's not fair!" It's not fair that some people are rich and you're not! "That's not fair!" And you know, you have to face the facts, that the vast majority of you are just born with inferior DNA. And you say "It's not fair I'm born with inferior DNA!" but you feel sorry for yourselves, you wallow in your self-pity, and then you have to face the facts, that life is... not... fair. And some of you, a select few, you might as well go ahead and admit it, you might as well own up to the philosophy, for some of you, and that is that - ''Life sucks, and then you die!!''
===May 18===
:''[Gerald Brisco has just put his finger on a snoring Crash Holly with the referee silently counting the pin]''
:'''Jerry Lawler''': ''[whispers]'' Gerald Brisco is the Hardcore Champion.
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[whispers as well while Brisco is elated and is given the belt without speaking]'' You gotta be kidding me!
:'''Lawler''': Gerald Brisco has the Hardcore Title, so get them to tune in the music. It will wake up Crash. ''[Brisco and the referee try to sneak out]'' Gerald Brisco is - ''[but the referee stumbles on a chair, which wakes up Crash. Brisco scrambles]''
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute!
:'''Crash Holly''': Where's my belt?!? Hey you... ''[to ref]'' come with me ''[to Brisco]'' hey!!!
:'''Lawler''': ''[as Crash and the ref chase Brisco]'' Look at this!
:'''Cole''': King, Gerald Brisco had the Hardcore title from Crash while he was sleeping ''[Lawler laughs]'' and the chase is on!
===May 25===
:''[Vince McMahon and Gerald Brisco go to the loading dock to see the Rock arrive on a limo, but Vince wants no part of the Rock]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': I'm not looking for trouble tonight. I'm not looking for trouble, I've had enough for one night. You don't even know what's happened here to me, all right. Look, I know we've had our differences in the past, I understand that and you should know, I know you're angry with me but the Undertaker, wait a minute, the Undertaker, he's the reason why you're not the WWF Champion. The Undertaker himself disqualified you for outside- it was The Undertaker's fault, that's why you're not the WWF Champion, but wait a minute, I know you're still angry with me, and this is what I want: just to show you there's no hard feelings, I want you to take the night off, Rock. I want you to take ''[Rock looks at Vince laying hand on him]'' Rock, settle down, please just take the night off that's all I ask. No hard feelings, I don't want anymore trouble, not tonight, okay? Please.
:'''The Rock''': So the Rock's got the night off?
:'''Vince''': The Rock's got the night off, okay? I mean it's about time.
:'''The Rock''': Night off for the Rock.
:'''Vince''': A night off for the Rock.
:'''The Rock''': The Rock doesn't go to SmackDown.
:'''Vince''': Not a thing, no sir, okay? Have a good night, Rock. ''[Rock gets back to limo; to driver]'' Driver, you take him anyplace he wants to go, alright? It's on me. Anyplace he wants to go. Allright? Gerald.
:'''Gerald Brisco''': You did a good job.
:'''Vince''': Thank you.
:'''The Rock''': ''[calls out from window]'' Oh Vince, Vince, by the way, before you leave, before the Rock leaves, come here for a second, Rock wants to tell you one thing. ''[Vince is curious]'' Come a little closer, you don't want the driver to hear this, Vince. ''[Vince gets closer, close enough for the Rock to slap him]''
:'''Vince''': ''[as he reels from the slap and Brisco takes him away]'' You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch! ''[walks off]'' You son of a bitch!
:''[As Vince and Gerald walk off, the Undertaker appears from the side, following them]''
===August 3===
:''[Triple H is waiting for Stephanie McMahon, but Trish Stratus approaches him and says she's embarrassed over the ending of their tag-team match against The Rock and Lita on Raw]''
:'''Triple H''': You're embarrassed?
:'''Trish Stratus''': I know, you know what, I hope things work out between you and Stephanie.
:'''HHH''': ''[angered by what she just said]'' Hope that things work out between me and Stephanie? I'll tell you what, this whole thing is your fault. It's your fault that I haven't talked to my wife in three days. It's your fault she won't speak to me. You know what Trish, you know what you can do? You can do me a really big favor. ''[points arm far away]'' Get away from me. Get out, just get away and don't come back. Stay away from me. ''[shoos Trish off]'' You're bad news!!
===October 5===
:''[Mick Foley argues with Stone Cold Steve Austin over his investigation of who ran down Austin at Survivor Series and the fact that no suspects came up. Austin laments being back but is disappointed at the lack of progress in the investigation]''
:'''Mick Foley''': When I headed down to the ring on Monday night, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking If it was anybody else interfering in matches, they'd be gone and out of the WWF. And I'm also thinking about 1991 and 1992, Steve Austin and Mick Foley splitting a 20-dollar room to save a few bucks, riding in a little crapbox car to save a few bucks so I'm thinking maybe I'd just try to save face with the boys, maybe I'd give Steve Austin a little fine, a little slap on the wrist, thinking by this point in your life, you've saved enough money that no amount of fine I give you is gonna mean a damn anyway. But then what you did Steve, you went and you put your hands on me and all of a sudden my decision changed because you left me no other alternative but starting now, until we find out who ran you over, to suspend you ''indefinitely''!
:'''Steve Austin''': Well, then I want to ask you one time, Stone Cold Steve Austin to Mick Foley, to reconsider.
:'''Foley''': When I said that you've left me no other alternative, that was my answer. The answer is no.
:'''Austin''': And when you said no, you left Stone Cold Steve Austin no alternative - ''[lays down a Stunner on Foley]''
===October 12===
:''[After the revelation on RAW of Rikishi running down Stone Cold Steve Austin, a police officer warns him against retaliation under threat of jail for vehicular manslaughter and murder, but when he rolls up his truck window on the officer, Jim Ross later tries to talk some sense into him]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Steve. ''[taps on the window]'' Steve. Steve, I just want to talk to you. ''[taps]'' Steve. Come on! ''[Austin rolls down window]'' Steve, you can't do this. You can't sit here and run down Rikishi. Do you hear that cop's saying? You'll go to jail! Hell he ain't worth it, he ain't worth it to you running him down. ''[closer]'' Steve, you've got to listen to reason! You got to -''[Austin glares at him; JR steps back]'' All right easy.... ''[leaves]''
===November 30===
:''[Kurt Angle comes out after Mick Foley announces a Hell in Cell match for him, Triple H, Rikishi, The Undertaker, The Rock, and Stone Cold Steve Austin at Armageddon]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': Mick Foley, you have finally lost your mind! A Hell in a Cell? What is wrong with you? I've done nothing but defend this title with respect, honor, and class. I'm not a cheater! I'm not the Minnesota Timberwolves of the WWF! This match is completely barbaric! It's true!
:'''Mick Foley''': Yeah, yeah, it's true, it is true. You were really on a roll. It is barbaric, no doubt about it, and it is brutal, but you and in some ways, all of these men, have left me no other alternative. Make no mistake about it at Armageddon there will be hell taking place inside that cell until there is one WWF Champion and one more time, on more time, if anybody gets physically involved tonight, then that person loses their title shot, and Kurt Angle if it's you who decides to act a little bit funny tonight, then I will STRIP YOU of the WWF title - and I will strip you right here, in Minneapolis, Minnesota! ''[Angle is highly distraught]''
:'''Triple H''': ''[to Angle]'' Wow, sucks to be you doesn't it? ''[to Foley]'' You know Foley, it sounds ironic that you stand in that ring as the commissioner making a Hell in a Cell match, when... jeez, wasn't it a Hell in a Cell match that's the reason you're now the commissioner? I mean, let me refresh your memory, it was a Hell in a Cell match where I beat you half to death and retired your ass! So Foley, all your little stipulations to your match, are just fine with me, but before I go, let me introduce to everybody, somebody very special to me, I'd like to bring out here, my beautiful wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley!
==2001==
===July 12===
:''[Vince McMahon addresses the crowd in light of the Alliance declaring war on the WWF]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Allow me to introduce to you the greatest WWF Champion of all time. Allow me to introduce to you the man, who'll lead Team WWF into Invasion. Allow me to introduce you to the man, who'll lead the Undertaker, Kane, Jericho and Angle into Invasion. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Stone Cold Steve Austin! ''[Austin heads down to the ring]'' You know Stone Cold, they say that since WrestleMania, you've changed. You maybe have. They say, that since WrestleMania, you've become more selfish than ever before, you've become uncaring. Matter of fact, many individuals feel as all, you've changed so much since WrestleMania, quite frankly you've become a very proficient brown-noser. ''[Austin reacts]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. That's what some people say, they say, you've changed and I think you have changed. As far as the WWF Champion is concerned I think you've changed for the better. But quite frankly, when we approach the single greatest threat to the World Wrestling Federation ever at Invasion, you know, I'm not so sure that, we don't need another change Stone Cold. I mean, quite frankly, the man that I need to lead Team WWF, even though I've appreciated it, is not the Stone Cold Steve Austin who gives me hugs. I don't need the leader of Team WWF, the Stone Cold Steve Austin that... that gives me gifts, cowboy hats and... and Steve you had your wife Debra make me cookies. Steve, I don't need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin, that strums a guitar and sings to me to lead me and lead Team WWF into Invasion, that's not what I need, Steve. Dammit, you know what I need? You know ''who'' I need? ''I need the '''old''' Stone Cold!'' I need the Stone Cold Steve Austin who's a beer-swilling, foul-mouth SOB! I need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin who don't take no ''shit'' from anybody. I need the kind of HELL-RAISING, HELL-RAISING Stone Cold Steve Austin! I need the kind of Stone Cold Steve Austin, who not that long ago that would look at Mr. McMahon and if I parted my hair the wrong way, you would knock me on my ass! That's the kind of leadership I need from you Stone Cold! I need you to lead Team WWF into Invasion, I need the OLD Stone Cold! Are you listening to me, dammit?! Huh? Do you want to knock me on my ass now? Huh? Come on, I can feel it, I know I can feel it can feel it in my guts! COME ON, COME ON, NAIL ME! COME ON, KNOCK ME DOWN! KNOCK ME DOWN! If you want Stone Cold Steve Austin to beat THE LIVING HELL out of Vince McMahon, give me a HELL YEAH! ''[crowd chants Hell YEAH! in response]''
:''[Austin shakes his head at Vince and walks out of the ring]''
:Steve, wait, Steve, wait, Steve, don't leave this ring. Steve? ''[calls out a Austin leaves]'' Stone Cold? Stone Cold! I need you! I need you, Austin, to lead Team WWF! I need you at Invasion, Austin! Dammit, Stone Cold, turn around! Come back! Give me a stunner, dammit! ''[Austin stops, but leaves]'' Come back! Austin! AUSTIN! GIVE ME A STUNNER! Stone Cold! ''[drops mic]''
===August 9===
:''[Rhyno attacks Chris Jericho after his match with Hugh Morrus]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Wait a minute! Rhyno! Rhyno from The Alliance ambushing, attacking Jericho from behind! Where the hell did he come from?
:'''Tazz''': Well I guess Jericho's mouth will be shut finally.
:'''Cole''': Rhyno, on that steel ramp, ''[Rhyno suplexes Jericho on the ramp]'' suplexing Jericho! His back and head, bouncing off that steel!
:'''Tazz''': Shut his mouth, Rhyno! Shut it!
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute! ''[Rhyno is calling for Jericho to get up]'' Oh my God! What the hell's Rhyno doing?
:'''Tazz''': Can you feel it Cole? Can you feel it?! ''[Rhyno charges at Jericho and gores him through the SmackDown! titantron]''
:'''Cole''': A Gore!
:'''Tazz''': YEAH!
:'''Cole''': A Gore! A Gore through the screen!
:'''Tazz''': Y2J just got Gored into the next millennium! Shut his mouth!
:'''Cole''': Rhyno with that devastating Gore through that video screen, and onto the steel behind, and Jericho grimacing in pain!
:'''Tazz''': That was amazing! I don't hear Jericho yapping now, do I?
===September 13===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Tonight - tonight, the spirit of America...lives...here...in Houston, Texas! On behalf of everyone here in the arena, and a worldwide television audience, we would like to extend our condolences to the victims, and the families and friends of the victims of the terrorist acts that occurred on Tuesday in New York City and Washington, DC. Our nation's leaders have encouraged us to continue to live our lives...the American way...they've encouraged us to practice and exercise our Constitutional rights. And, as such, tonight I believe this is the first public assembly of its size since the tragedy of Tuesday. Make - make NO MISTAKE about what - and make no mistake about the message this public assembly is sending to terrorism tonight. And that message, quite simply, is that we will not live our lives in fear. The citizens of Houston are NOT afraid...the citizens of Texas are, indeed, not afraid...and by God, the citizens of the United States are not afraid! For we are a proud people - proud of who we are, proud of our nation, and damn proud to be Americans!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' USA!
:'''McMahon''': And we...and we will fight. We will fight for our families, we will fight for our rights, and we will fight for our great nation. America's heart has been wounded. But her spirit - her spirit shines as a beacon of freedom - a beacon of freedom that never has been, nor ever will be extinguished. The World Wrestling Federation would like to thank each and every one of you here in the Compaq Center tonight. The World Wrestling Federation would like to thank each and every one of you watching on television. We would like to thank you for the honor and privilege of performing before you here tonight.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Edge''': I was actually contemplating whether to do this or not, because I don't know if all of you really care what Edge, or better yet Adam Copeland has to say about this. What else can be said? And I actually contemplated whether this show was the right thing to do. And once I contemplated it, I decided that, as the WWF family, we need to do our job tonight, and our job is to bring smiles to the faces of all your families. And if we can do that, then we've done our jobs, and...this can't be forgotten, it shouldn't be forgotten, and it never will be forgotten...but if we can do that, then this show was the right thing to do. And, I'd just like to send my prayers out to all those affected.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Rock''': First and foremost, I have to say that I can't fathom or comprehend the pain and the suffering and the anguish that the families and friends of the victims are going through...the workers, working diligently, 24 hours a day - sifting through the rubble and looking for...any remnants of life. It's difficult...to talk about this and I will say that I can't...I couldn't imagine what it must be like to be there, I couldn't imagine, I couldn't imagine if my own family were there. I, ah, I will offer my condolences and certainly say that everyone is in my heart and in my prayers, and I umm - I just wanna say to everyone out there, again to the families and friends of the victims and everyone involved is to...just stay strong. Stay strong.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Chris Jericho''': To be quite honest, I'd like to, I'd rather be in New York City going through the rubble and seeing what I could do to help right now...but since I'm not, maybe - maybe we can help in a different way - maybe we can begin with ourselves, and maybe we can learn from this and become a more peaceful nation and a more peaceful race in the long run. Umm...by being a little bit nicer to each other. I think it's one thing that we've learned from this is that we never know what's gonna happen tomorrow, in the next five minutes, in the next ten minutes. And maybe above everything else, ah, you know, maybe tonight, you know, hug your loved one a little bit harder, or give him or her an extra kiss. Be a little big nicer to a stranger on the street. Be a little more kind, a little more gentle. Um, like I said, if anything else. that our fate and our destiny lies in our hands now...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Lita''': Uh, I really - I don't know what to say about something so...devastatingly evil...uh, that could even make a difference to anyone, so, um...I try to delve below, I've got, you know, this layer of numbness over me and I try to discover the emotions that I have and they're, you know, sadness, anger, fear, help- helplessness, it's like all in one, you know, and so we start to look for answers. I mean, who would do something like this? Why? What are they trying to accomplish? You know, it's...we don't understand. We start to watch...and we get some of the suspects, and the motives, you know, for an event like this, and...but what I wanna know, what do the answers solve? It doesn't change anything that's happened. And, um, you know, I've watched the TV ever since Tuesday morning like I'm sure everyone else has, and um...the only thing that's changed is become more of a reality, and um...all I can say is I've never felt anything like this, um, personally or on a national level. Um, I can't...um, I would never have the audacity to say that I do know what to do in a situation like this. Um, but on a personal level, whenever I have a problem, large, small of any level, it always begins with stopping everything and taking a deep breath. So tonight I hope the entertainment that we provide for you can help you kinda relax and get your mind off things, just for a short time so that you can relax, maybe start to take that first deep breath.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Tazz''': Ahh, besides the Pentagon and the plane that went down outside of Pittsburgh, and all the bomb scares in New York, it's scary for me right now, to be here in Houston and be this far from my family, my parents live in Staten Island, um, my wife and son, I'm just worried, you know, because of all these bomb scares, and I just wanna be there to protect them and be there with them and I'm not - I gotta do what I gotta do and I'm here and I miss her and I miss my son, and ah...these people who are responsible for this - you know, they're gonna pay, and they're gonna pay hard. And I don't know who it was, the president or one of these Senator people, they said you know, we're gonna bring 'em to justice. Well to me that's a load o' crap. Don't bring 'em to justice, bring 'em down - to their knees, to their stomach - until they're not breathing. You gotta fight force with force, and that's just what they did, and...I don't know when I'm going home...but it'll be in New York, that's where my home is, and I can't wait to go home, uh...I don't know what home looks like now, so...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Bubba Ray Dudley''': The one thing I did wanna say is that there's an old saying, "that which does not kill us makes us stronger." And yes, a lotta people died, but you can't kill America, and you can't kill American spirit. And somebody's gonna pay for this, and I hope it's soon, and...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Bradshaw''': You know, I have heard and I have seen the cowardly acts that have happened before. The extermination of Jews by some maniac in Germany. The bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City by some maniac. And now some maniac has attacked America - attacked innocent men, women and children...husbands, fathers, parents...all because of some religious belief, or some other motive that he has, these people had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you. We're running this show tonight because we're gonna show you that you cannot break, you cannot even bend the fiber, the backbone of the United States of America. There's gonna be some critics. There's gonna be some critics that wonder why we run this show. I wanna make this perfectly clear: go to hell. We're doin' this show because we love America. This is all we have to give you for tonight is this, is this evening. If I had to, I'd give my life, readily, for this country. I have relatives who have done that, who are buried overseas, who are buried in many different places. I would do the same thing 'cause I love this great country. George W. was one of the greatest governors of the state of Texas - it's time he become - it's time he will become a great president. You guys who are out there, we're gonna find your ass. We're gonna make whatever country's hiding you into a stinking parking lot. God bless this country - God bless this great state I live in, and God rest the sorry son of a (beep) that did this. We will find you.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Kurt Angle''': I just wanna say that my heart, my thoughts and my prayers go to the victims and their families. And you know, all my life I've always wanted to do something special to be considered an American hero. And after winning the Olympic gold medal at the Olympics, some people would consider me to be an American hero. But after watching this terrible tragedy - now I know who the true American heroes are. They're the police officers and the firemen, and the doctors and nurses, and the paramedics, and all the people that stretched out their arms to help the victims and their families. They're the true American heroes. THEY deserve a gold medal. Or better yet...they earned the right to be called Americans. It's true.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': I don't have anything philosophical to say or anything that's gonna change the world. I just know that I was given an opportunity to speak about what's happening, so all I have to offer is my opinion...and...and my opinion, what I think is the people who did this are a buncha complete cowards. Ah, my heart goes out to anybody that lost loved ones in this whole ordeal. And uh...I think that tonight, by going back to work with the World Wrestling Federation, I think it's...uh...I think it's the thing to do. It feels strange, and I've had this uh, I've had this bad feeling come over me ever since this whole thing has happened and it doesn't seem like I can shake it. But uh, as a person, and I think as a country I think we have to shake it. We have to mourn the losses of the people that we knew, but we have to, uh...we have to get back - we have to get the gears rollin' again, and that's what we're here to do tonight. Uh, what happened this past Tuesday was the worst thing that I've ever seen in my life, and I hope that I never ever see anything like this again, except, to the people that when we find out who did this get a payback, because they deserve a payback, and they deserve exactly what they have comin'...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Booker T''': I just wanna give my condolences to everyone who had, you know, who was involved, you know, everybody who was on the flights, you know, all the - all the firemen, all the policemen who...as soon as the thing happened, they rushed in there to help someone, they just wanted to save someone and to lose their own life is - is tragic, but those guys, in our eyes, in history is always gonna be remembered as - as heroes. That's the way I feel about 'em, and...for something like this to happen here in America, you know, it's givin' everybody uncertainty...it's, you know, can we go out of our houses, and you know it's kinda crazy right now but I know it's gonna make us stronger, it's gonna pull us together, it's gonna make us a better people...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': A few years ago, some people tried to destroy my family. They attacked my father's reputation, they attacked my mother's reputation, and they attacked the World Wrestling Federation. They tried to rip us apart...but all they did was make my family stronger. And that's exactly how America feels right now. Because on Tuesday, America was attacked. Because America is a united nation. And together, we stand strong. I am incredibly proud to be an American citizen, and I will stand up for my rights and my freedom.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Albert''': Waking up on the morning of Tuesday, September 11th, to turn the TV on, to see the tragedy that took place left a feeling of disgust in the pit of my stomach. Never before have I ever seen nor heard of something so tragic. My only hope is, once again, America can pull together and overcome this tragedy. And we pray for the victims, the families who have lost their loved ones, to the people who are helping save people who may still be alive, and that swift justice is brought to the cowards - the faceless cowards that perpetrated this. God bless America and I truly hope that we can overcome this.
===September 20===
:''[Kurt Angle has interrupted Stone Cold Steve Austin's match with Tajiri]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': You know, Austin? When you threw my gold medals over that bridge a few weeks ago, you threw a piece of America into that water and I will never forgive you for that! Nor will I forgive you for what you tried to do to me tonight. Now I see you for who you truly are. You're a desperate man Austin. You don't wanna face me for the WWF title this Sunday at Unforgiven. Because when you look at me, when you look into my eyes, LOOK AT MY EYES! You know that I am the one man that in your mind, in your heart, and deep down in your soul, can beat you! And this Sunday at Unforgiven, I will walk out of my hometown the WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION! OH IT'S TRUE! IT'S DAMN TRUE! And I promise you that I will have no forgiveness for you!
===November 1===
:'''Kurt Angle''': My name is Kurt Angle. And I'd like to answer some questions I've been getting from you fans ever since last Monday night. Questions like, "Why?" "What were you thinking?" "How could you do this to your country?" Well, let me assure all of you I'm still your Olympic hero. I'm still an American hero. I'm still everything that makes this country great, and you know why? Because I'm a winner! And with Survivor Series coming up, I started to think, who else is a winner? Who do I want on my side when everything's on the line? Well, let's see. Undertaker? He's been here forever, and what has he accomplished? I've done more in two years than he's done in a decade. Kane? Kane's not a winner. He's a follower. A guy who lets the man who burned him as a child lead him around on a leash? Just pathetic! Chris Jericho? Rock? Please! Those are the two most egomaniacal, self-absorbed jerks in the history of the business. I'm supposed to put my career in the hands of these four? I don't think so! There's only one man, one man who I can trust to get the job done. There's only one man who typifies everything this country should be. A role model to anyone who wants to be a winner. And that man is Stone Cold Steve Austin. Think about it. No Mercy, SummerSlam, King of the Ring, Judgment Day, to name a few. And oh yeah, WrestleMania after WrestleMania after WrestleMania. Does Austin cheat? Yes. Does he play fair? No. When it's all on the line, does he get the job done? Oh hell yeah! And that's who I want on my team. I feel safe putting my career in his hands. We may not be the best of friends, but the man backs up what he says. He is without a doubt, the toughest S.O.B. I've ever faced. And the bottom line is, the guy knows how to win. Because people, as much as I love my country, and I do, I love my job. And I'll be damned if I'm going to put my job in jeopardy by teaming with some WWF losers. And any of you people would do the same thing. In fact, how dare you people be upset with me! Hey, I didn't lie. I never said I wasn't defecting. I still have my intensity, my integrity, and my intelligence. ''[camera zooms out revealing Shane McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin standing side-by-side by Angle]'' And now that I'm on the side of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Shane McMahon, I know I'll be employed after Survivor Series. And you fans will still get to see your Olympic hero for a long, long time. Oh, it's true. It's damn true.
:'''Shane McMahon''': Very good. ''[shakes Angle's hand]'' Very good.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': I'm proud of you.
:'''Angle''': Thanks. ''[pats Austin's WWF Championship]''
:'''Austin''': Don't touch.
===November 15===
:'''Paul Heyman''': In just a few moments, at my leisure, I'm gonna call Vince McMahon out to his ring in front of his public on a television show that's owned by his grand company. At least, that is, until this Sunday at Survivor Series. I know how much you people appreciate what Shane and Stephanie and I have done. How Shane and Stephanie and I have stood up to the tyranny of Vince McMahon. And the way it is ladies and gentlemen is quite simple: the World Wrestling Federation will die this Sunday. But don't blame me for that. It's not my fault. I'm not the one who ruined everything that was accomplished by Stone Cold Steve Austin.<br>
:You see, at Survivor Series, it means so much more than just the personalities that are involved. It's about ending what Vince McMahon has tried to accomplish. I sat there at that desk on Monday and I listened to Mick Foley, and I agreed with everything Mick Foley had to say; that the WWF truly does suck! ''[miffed at boos]'' Don't boo me! Have you watched the television show lately? Vince McMahon has lost his mind! The man doesn't have it anymore! He's a has-been. His ideas are antiquated. His concepts are draconian and Mick Foley was right because the WWF is imploding from within. Like every great empire, the WWF is imploding from within. Vince's loyal employees, like Stone Cold, left him, like Mick Foley wants nothing to do with him, Vince's own children want him to burn in Hell, and I don't blame 'em. Vince McMahon will see the WWF die this Sunday at Survivor Series and he has no hope to save his precious company. Vince McMahon has the same chances of saving the WWF as he did of realizing his dream of starting a [[w:XFL (2001)|football league]]! ''[Vince McMahon comes to the ring as Heyman kneels before him, but he stands up]''<br>
:I want you to know that I was down on my knees because I know you're used to men kissing your ass, Vinnie. Every time you walk in the back, there's Patterson and Brisco, 'Oh, what a great idea you had, Vince!' ''[mocks ass-kissing]'' You like men kissing your ass, don't you, Vince? Because that's what you're all about; a billionaire! The billionaire, Vince McMahon! The creator of sports entertainment! I've waited so long to see you face to face like this. And I've waited so long to tell you to your face that I hate your stinking guts but it's not just me, it's your children that hate your stinking guts, Vince, and at Survivor Series, your children are gonna do to you what I've waited my whole life to see someone do to you, Vince. You are, so help me God, the most disgusting, vile, son of a bitch I've ever seen in my life.<br>
:You took Hulk Hogan's blood and you built Titan Towers. You stole Bret Hart's dream, and with that money, bought yourself an airplane with 'WWF' all over it. You did that, and you know it, you son of a bitch! You stole Shawn Michaels' smile, took your company public, and made yourself a billionaire. But not a self-made billionaire, like you like to tell everybody you are, oh no. See, you're a billionaire on other people's hard work. Your father - your father, Vince McMahon - your father went around the country and shook the hand of every... ''[sees Vince's glare]'' You know I'm telling the truth don't you? You know in your heart that I'm telling you the truth... that your father shook the hand of every promoter in this country and swore to them that he'd never compete against them, that his son would never compete against them.<br>
:And when your father DIED, you competed! And with your ruthless, merciless, take-no-prisoners attitude, you drove everybody out of business, didn't you, Vince? You ran all the competition into the ground and you stole all their ideas and you made yourself a billionaire out of it! And you know whose ideas you stole the most, Vince? You stole mine! You see, I don't give a damn about Don Owen and Sam Mushnick and [[w:Jim Crockett Promotions|Jim Crockett]]; I care about what you did to me and my family. How you stole my dreams, how you stole MY legacy, how you stole everything that ECW represented. Because while Doink the Clown had green hair and a rubber nose, Stone Cold Steve Austin was drinking his first beer in ECW, damn you. While Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund were dancing around singing "Tutti Frutti", ECW was producing the edgy TV that you named "[[w:Attitude Era|Attitude]]." 'Oh, we've got Attitude!' You've got nothing, man! What you've got is my ideas and you stole my life, my money, my legacy! ''[throws cap at Vince]'' SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!<br>
:I'll tell you something, your own children hate your guts! And on Sunday, your children are going to get even with you, for everything that you stole from me, from everything you stole from them! You flaunt your affairs in front of your wife! You flaunt your affairs in Playboy for your children to read! You bastard! ''[points to Tazz]'' Look at Tazz! Look at Tazz! This man was a killer, he was a machine! He was a wrestler, a great wrestler, a real man. But wrestling is a dirty word to you, isn't it, Vince? Your father built a wrestling company, and you, you had to have ''[mockingly] sports entertainment''. 'We have to have sports entertainment, ha ha ha!' He was a wrestler, he was a great wrestler, he was a man. And now, he's a fat, little, obnoxious color commentator, and not even a good one! He is a sports entertainer. He is not a wrestler because you made wrestling a dirty word. You made wrestling a dirty word, Vince. What kind of a man are you? What kind of a man takes wrestling and makes it sports entertainment? At Survivor Series, you're going down. You're going down, Vince. I promise you, you're going down, and I'm going to watch it and your children are going to lift their leg, and stand over your grave and we're going to laugh. And you know what else I'm going to do, Vince? I'm going to run your ass out of business. And there's not a damn thing you can do about. I'm feeling good about myself... ''[gets choked out by the Tazzmission]''
===December 6===
:''[The Rock has teased Vince McMahon about kissing Jim Ross' and Trish Stratus' butts, only to be treated at the sight of Rikishi]''
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as Rock holds down Vince]'' I think Rikishi's gonna give it to him!
:'''Jim Ross''': Give it to him! Give it to him!
:'''Jerry Lawler''': No, don't! ''[As Rikishi raises his mawashi to ensure Vince gets the full stinkface]'' He's a billionaire! HE OWNS THIS COMPANY! ''[screams as Rock shoves Vince's face up Rikishi's ass]''
:'''Jim''': Oh Lucifer's lips on the biggest ass in the WWF! Oh hell yeah! ''[stands up as Jerry Lawler blows a raspberry and Rock lets go of Vince]'' Thank God, Thank God! THERE IS... THERE IS A GOD IN THIS WORLD!!
:'''The Rock''': The Rock says, On behalf of the millions, ''[crowd follows up "and Millions!"]'' the Vince McMahon Kiss-Your-Ass Club is officially closed, IF YOU SMELLL, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!
:'''Jim''': How does it feel to be humiliated? How does it feel to be humiliated in front of the whole damn world?!! How do you like that?!?!
:'''Jerry''': I think, I think Vince knows what Rikishi ate for dinner! ''[makes mock cough]''
===December 13===
:''[Austin has just beaten up Booker T at the'' Green Frog ''and brought him to the counter]''
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': ''[hearing police sirens; leaves]'' Price check on a jackass!!!
:'''Booker T''': ''[sprawled at the foot of the checkout line; cries]'' I'm gonna get you, I'm gonna get you... ''[weeps]''
:''[Back at the arena skybox, Ric Flair is laughing at Vince]''
:'''Ric Flair''': ''[to Vince McMahon]'' I think I told you you'd enjoy the show. ''[slaps Vince at the back before he leaves]''
===December 27===
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[observing Vince McMahon and Ric Flair in the middle of the ring]'' Ric Flair is a legend. 14-Time World Champion.
:'''Jerry "The King" Lawler''': ''[overlapping]'' A legend?
:'''Ric Flair''': ''[as McMahon begins to speak, "Just—"]'' Shut up!
:'''Lawler''': Ah! Oh no.
:'''Cole''': Huh ho!
:'''Lawler''': ''[referring to Flair]'' And he's rude, too.
:'''Flair''': On behalf on the entire wrestling world, one of the [[w:New_Year's_resolution|resolutions]] we'd like you to make this year, is if you will ''not'' come out here, week after week, ''continuously'' make an ass out of yourself.
:'''Lawler''': What? What a thing to say!
:'''Vince McMahon''': Now look, I don't want you come out here interrupting me! Let me tell you this: You go too far... I will embarrass you in front of every single person here in this arena.
:'''Lawler''': ''[referring to McMahon]'' And he could do it!
:'''McMahon''': I will knock you on your ass!
:'''Lawler''': ''[reacts]'' Ho ho, yes! You big 14-Time World Champion! Ha ha ha ha ha... that would be fantastic! Yeah! ''Woo'' that!
:'''Flair''': I am going to...take one moment ''[gestures to McMahon]'' from your life, ''[gestures to the crowd]'' and one moment from their life when I want to explain to them why I haven't already knocked you on yours, okay?
:'''Lawler''': Ohhh... here we go!
:'''Flair''': You mentioned the word "tolerant" a while ago. The reason I'm so tolerant of you, and it needs to be said for the whole world to hear, is because ''you'' know my story.
:''[McMahon nods in agreement]''
:'''Lawler''': What's that story? Wha— What's he talking about?
:'''Flair''': ''You'' know, that in 1988, I was having all kinds of problems in [[w:National_Wrestling_Alliance|NWA]]. You called me on the phone, and you said, "Ric Flair, we want you in the World Wrestling Federation." You know what my answer was— ''you'' know what it was? I said, "Vince McMahon, I'm NWA all the way." As a matter of fact, I was at [[w:Orlando Sports Stadium|Eddie Graham Sports Arena]] the next night! Defending the National Wrestling Alliance. So I turned down your offer. A year later, I called ''you'' back on phone: A beaten man. Knowing that I had nowhere to go. Knowing that they had killed my self-confidence. Knowing that I wanted only one more chance to go to work for you.
:'''Lawler''': Hah! He came crawlin'.
:'''Flair''': You know what you said to me? You said, "If you got it? Bring it." And I did.
:'''Lawler''': Hah!
:'''Flair''': And you know what you did? The next month, I found myself at the [[w:Survivor_Series_(1991)|Survivor Series]], with [[w:Hulk_Hogan|Hulk Hogan]], [[w:The_Undertaker|The Undertaker]], [[w:Roddy_Piper|Roddy Piper]], [[w:Ted_DiBiase|Ted DiBiase]]...[[w:Jake_Roberts|Jake The Snake]], ''all the stars''...of the World Wrestling Federation! You made me part of the family. It couldn't get any better. Then you know what you did? You put me in the [[w:Royal_Rumble_(1992)|Royal Rumble]] and I wrestled for one hour, and at the end of that hour I was the World Wrestling Federation Champion. The most ''coveted'' trophy in sports! I knew it, you knew it! I used to walk out on TV every week saying, "NWA is it." I lied, I had a job! I always knew you guys were getting bigger. And I was proud to be there. And I walk into that room, with tears in my eyes, and I said, "Thank you so very much for giving me this opportunity in life." Then, when it couldn't get any bigger, you called me and said, "Ric Flair, you're in the main event at [[w:WrestleMania_VIII|WrestleMania]]! Against the [[w:Randy_Savage|Macho Man Randy Savage]]!"
:'''Lawler''': ''[impressed]'' Wow.
:'''Flair''': [[w:RCA_Dome|I walk in there—]] 75,000 people— the ''biggest'' sporting event in the world! My mother, my father, my wife, all four of my children there to see me, in the main event at WrestleMania! Win, lose or draw I had made it as high as you could possibly go in life! It was unbelievable. It was so good that I stayed 'til everybody was gone. Watched my mom and dad, my wife and my kids get in the limousine, drive off. And I walked down that hallway, towards to my locker room to shower. And I saw you, and you said, "Hey Ric, come here, I need to talk to you!" And I knew you were gonna say, "Ric, you're the greatest wrestler of all time! That was awesome, man!" ''[Flair shakes his head]'' Guess what? You remember what you said to me? ''[McMahon shakes his head]'' You said to me, "Every time you get this close to greatness, you do something ''stupid'' and take a step backwards."
:'''Lawler''': ''[shocked]'' Wow.
:'''Flair''': So for all that you've given me, and God only knows, you put my feet back on Earth in 1991, I have always wanted to ask you one question: '''''WHO ARE YOU TO EVER TELL ME HOW TO WRESTLE!? I'M RIC FLAIR!!! YOU'RE VINCE MCMAHON!!!'''''
:''[Flair hastily takes off his jacket]''
:'''Flair''': '''''WHO ARE YOU!? WHO ARE YOU TO EVER TELL ME HOW TO WRESTLE A MATCH!? YOU MAY BE THE GREATEST PROMOTER OF ALL TIME, BUT YOU WILL NEVER TALK DOWN TO RIC FLAIR ABOUT WRESTLING!!'''''
:'''Lawler''': ''[shocked]'' He's gonna have a stroke! Get out of Mr. McMahon's face! This guy's unstable! Look at him!
:'''Cole''': Emotional.
:'''Lawler''': No, unstable! Look!
:'''Cole''': He's been waiting a decade to get that off his chest, King. Ten years.
:'''Lawler''': Well, he needs to go see some... professional help. ''[sees Flair wiping his sweat]'' Uh oh.
:'''Flair''': ''I am '''SO SICK''' of you placing yourself [raises his arms up] like God Almighty! You're not! Even my own kid, my 13-year old says, "Dad, I saw Mr. McMahon on TV! He's buffed! He's jacked, Dad! He's cool—" '''WHAAAAT!?''' How do you think how I feel? Having my 13-year old kid, knowing who I am, telling me [points to McMahon] you're buffed! It don't work!''
:'''Lawler''': What, the truth hurts?
:'''Flair''': ''So guess what?'' Just to see where I stood in this great company of ours, I went through all the contracts, and I happen to pull one that reads: Vince McMahon, Owner/Wrestler!
:'''Lawler''': Wait a minute, now.
:'''Cole''': ''[confused]'' What's he talking about?
:'''Flair''': That means ''you're [[w:Double_dip|double-dipping]]''! And it also means, that you're going to wrestle at the [[w:Royal_Rumble_(2002)|Royal Rumble]]!
:'''Cole''': What?
:'''Lawler''': Wait a minute! He can't— If he's wrestling—
:'''Flair''': ''1-ON-1!!''
:'''Lawler''': Wait a minute!
:'''McMahon''': Then who's got the balls to step into the ring... with me?
:'''Lawler''': ''[realizing]'' Uh oh...
:'''Flair''': '''''THE NEXT GUY THAT KNOCKS YOU ON YOUR ASS—!!''''' ''[strikes McMahon down to the mat with a right hand]''
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute! A right hand by Flair!
:'''Lawler''': What has he done?!
:'''Flair''': '''''THE NATURE BOY, RIC FLAIR!!! WOOOO!!!'''''
:'''Cole''': King! Flair and McMahon, at the Rumble!?
:'''Lawler''': I can't believe it— look at this!
:'''Ric Flair''': '''''WOOOO!!!'''''
:'''Lawler''': Flair! Ric Flair has sucker-punched the owner of the World Wrestling Federation! Get an ambulance out here!
:'''Cole''': Two of the giants in the sports-entertainment industry! They go head-to-head, King! January 20th, at the [[w:State Farm Arena|Phillips Arena]] in Atlanta! Flair and McMahon!
:'''Lawler''': ''[overlapping on Flair]'' Let me tell you something! Flair has made the biggest mistake of his life!
==2002==
===January 24===
:'''Vince McMahon''': The WWF...is going to die. I know that. The WWF has cancer... because of Ric Flair. Flair's gonna kill it. And the kind of cancer Flair gave the WWF, is the ''slow, eating, kind'' of cancer. It's not quick. I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Me. The WWF is mine. It's mine. I created it! I'm not gonna let Ric Flair kill what I created. Because I'm going to kill what ''I CREATED''! '''''I'M GONNA KILL IT!''''' I'M GONNA KILL ''MY'' CREATION! I'm going to ''inject'' the WWF with a ''lethal'' dose of ''poison''. If anybody's gonna kill my creation, ''I'm'' gonna do it. ''[turns his chair revealing "nWo" on the back]'' ''Me''...and the n...W...o...
===June 6===
:''[Hollywood Hulk Hogan and Triple H have eliminated each other in a battle royal to determine the number one contender for the WWE Undisputed Championship at King of the Ring]''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well well well uh, may I have your attention please? Hogan, Triple H, listen up. I mean uh, seems to me we have quite a dilemma here now don't we? I mean, Hogan and Triple H going over the top rope at the very same time with apparently no conclusive proof as to who actually won. So, I ask all of you then, who should face The Undertaker at the King of the Ring? Should it be, should it be Hulk Hogan? ''[crowd cheers]'' Should it be Triple H? ''[crowd cheers]'' Well I can tell you this. I'm not about to allow some hokey okies influencing my decision. ''[crowd boos]'' But I will allow one individual in influence me, as a matter of fact, his name is The Undertaker. You see, during the commercial break, I called The Undertaker at home. But quite frankly, he doesn't give a damn which individual he faces either. Because The Undertaker looks at both Hogan and Triple H, both of you gentlemen, as ''losers''. And why shouldn't he? I mean, let's face it, Hogan, at Judgment Day, The Undertaker defeated you for the Undisputed title. And uh, Triple H, last week here on ''SmackDown!'', The Undertaker beat the holy living hell out of you. So then, who should face The Undertaker for the Undisputed title at the King of the Ring? I'll tell you who it's gonna be. The winner of tonight's one on one encounter between Triple H and Hulk Hogan.
:'''Michael Cole''': Tonight?
:'''McMahon''': Thank you very much.
===July 4===
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, here to sing "America the Beautiful" on our nation's birthday, WWE's own, Lilian Garcia!
:'''Lilian Garcia''': ''[singing]'' Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain, for purple mountain majesties, above the fruited plain, America, America, God shed his grace on thee, and crown thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea. America, America, God shed his --
:'''Lance Storm''': ''[over Garcia's singing]'' Stop the music! Stop the singing! Stop all of this right now! ''[comes down to the ring with Christian and Test as the crowd boos]'' I don't mean to ruin your little birthday celebration. We've had all we can take of this America the Beautiful crap! Lilian, get out of that ring. A matter of fact, get out of this building!
:'''Christian''': Get out of here! ''[Lilian leaves the ring as the crowd boos and chants "USA!"]'' Today, July the 4th. America celebrates Independence Day. Well let me ask you all a question. Do you even know why you're celebrating? Well considering the ignorance of the American youth, you probably think of Independence Day as the day Will Smith saved the world from a bunch of aliens!
:'''Storm''': But let me tell you what really happened. America was founded as British colonies. And in 1776, America declared itself an independent country, and turned its back on Britain! Now that's gratitude for ya. But America could only contain its aggression within its own boundaries for so long. Ultimately, America released its war-like hostilities on the rest of the world. There was World War I, World War II, the Korean War. Tell me America, what right did you have to be in Korea? ''[crowd chants "Asshole!"]'' What right did you have to be in Vietnam? Vietnam, it's a bit of a touchy subject, isn't it? Why? Because you were defeated. You Americans are such hypocrites! You don't like me out here telling you the truth. You don't wanna hear what the rest of the world has to say. It's funny how that contradicts your very own Constitution. The First Amendment speaks of freedom of expression. A freedom of speech. ''[crowd chants "You suck!"]'' But you Americans don't really wanna hear what other countries have to say about you.
:'''Test''': Other countries say America is the most hypocritical nation in the world. The rest of the world hates America. We hate America. So for your birthday, America, dig this.
:'''Christian, Storm, and Test''': AMERICA SUCKS!
===July 18===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Hold on. Never before, never before have I seen such angst, such concern on the faces of WWE superstars. All I did was make one simple announcement last Monday night there'd be a new GM for ''Raw'' and a new GM for ''SmackDown!''. I can say this, to all the superstars on ''Raw'', if you are that concerned, as you think the grass is greener on the other side over here on ''SmackDown!'', you are free to negotiate with the new GM of ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': Who it is.
:'''Vince''': Likewise, all the superstars of ''SmackDown!'', if you think the grass is greener over on ''Raw'', hey you can go ahead and negotiate with ''Raw''{{'}}s new GM. I'm sure many of you thought I lost my mind when I named Eric Bischoff general manager of ''Raw''. I'm sure you have complete control over all of my mental faculties and I know you're thinking, wait a minute, Eric Bischoff tried to put you out of business McMahon. Yeah, he tried. I named Eric Bischoff general manager of ''Raw'' because he's the best person for the job and because he is innovative, and because unquestionably, he enjoys ruthless aggression. Which would then bring us to tonight's announcement, and the announcement of your ''SmackDown!'' general manager. Likewise, this general manager is the best person for the job. Much like Bischoff, this person as well tried to put me out of business, and also has a history of ruthless aggression. The only difference between Bischoff and the new GM of ''SmackDown!'' is I said to the ''Raw'' audience they truly deserve Eric Bischoff as their general manager. I'm not so sure that all of you people, the ''SmackDown!'' audience, actually deserve your new general manager.
:'''Tazz''': Who's it gonna be?
:'''Vince''': So with that in mind, allow me to introduce you to the new general manager of ''SmackDown!'', Stephanie McMahon!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa!
:'''Michael Cole''': What?! ''[Stephanie McMahon's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Ho ho! ''[Stephanie McMahon comes out]''
:'''Cole''': You mean, Mr. McMahon's daughter, Stephanie McMahon.
:'''Tazz''': As she's the one, my man! There's only one Stephanie McMahon and you're looking at her. ''[Stephanie shakes hands with Vince]'' She's our new boss! ''[the SmackDown! roster is backstage looking distressed]''
:'''Cole''': The ''SmackDown!'' superstars in the back, I don't think any of them can believe what's going on.
:'''Tazz''': Ruthless aggression. Stephanie McMahon's got ruthless aggression in the bloodline.
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Welcome to my show, ''SmackDown!''. Eric Bischoff is a parasite. Shane was right. But the one thing my brother was wrong about was when he said that he was going to screw Vince McMahon, screw this company, and screw my family because I won't let that happen. And I won't allow Eric Bischoff to steal your ''SmackDown!'' superstars from you. Those superstars include The Rock, they include Hulk Hogan, they include Edge and they include the man who Bischoff says would have made WCW a success. The man who Bischoff knows to be the greatest ring general in the world today. The man who has truly earned the moniker "the game", Triple H.
:'''Cole''': That's her soon to be ex-husband.
:'''Stephanie''': Bischoff claimed that his first official act as the general manager was going to be at Vengeance, when he signed Triple H to ''Raw''. So Bischoff at Vengeance, if you want Triple H to go down to that very ring and choose between ''Raw'' or ''SmackDown!'', I don't have a problem with that, because the egg is gonna be on your face, Bischoff, when you're left standing there and Triple H leaves Vengeance and comes back home to his fans at ''SmackDown!''. Now I am the general manager of ''SmackDown!'' with the full support of Vince McMahon. The same way you, Bischoff, are the general manager of ''Raw''. But the only advantage you have over me Bischoff, is about three days. Now you said your official act, your first official act was going to take place at Vengeance? Well my first official act as general manager of ''SmackDown!'' is gonna take place right now when I throw you the hell out of my building!
===August 15===
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Stupid piece of crap. ''[throws hairpiece as the door knocks]'' Come in! ''[Chris Benoit enters]'' Chris, I can't believe how my staff screwed up, and now you have to defend the Intercontinental title at SummerSlam. Now I know, that you're gonna beat RVD. I know that you're gonna keep the Intercontinental Championship right here on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Chris Benoit''': Oh I'm gonna beat his ass.
:'''McMahon''': I know you will. You're gonna make RVD tap, aren't you?
:'''Benoit''': Oh I'm gonna make him squeal.
:'''McMahon''': You're gonna make RVD tap just like you made The Rock tap two weeks ago! Isn't that right? 'Cause I'm gonna make it up to you, Chris. Tonight, the main event is going to be Chris Benoit versus The Rock!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa ho ho!
:'''McMahon''': And I want you to send a message to RVD through The Rock! I want you to make The Rock tap! I want you to, I want you to make him tap, I want you to make him, make him --
:'''Benoit''': I'm gonna make him moan, I'm gonna make him whimper, I'M GONNA MAKE HIM SQUEAL!
:'''McMahon''': Yeah. So we're on?
:'''Benoit''': So much.
===August 29===
:''[Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle are about to compete in a number one contender's match to the WWE Undisputed Championship]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Allow me to introduce to you, the next competitor, a legendary superstar that I just signed to ''SmackDown!'', ladies and gentlemen, the phenom, The Undertaker!
===September 12===
:''[Kurt Angle comes out to the ring for his match against Rey Mysterio. The crowd chants "you suck" along to his music]''
:'''Michael Cole''': And welcome to the season premiere of ''SmackDown!'', the only place you can see the Olympic gold medalist, Kurt Angle! ''[after Kurt poses and the pyro goes off for his entrance]'' And Kurt Angle on his way to the ring, set for action against Rey Mysterio, and Angle will be a part of ''SmackDown!'' next week in Colorado Springs; who knows what awaits us there!
:'''Tazz''': Well, let's talk about the major media coverage for the season premiere of ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Michael''': That's tonight!
:'''Tazz''': Good job! Billy and Chuck right in the thick of it! They did the ''Today'' show, the tomato, they did Howard Stern - well, they didn't really ''do'' Stern, but they were on his show; they were in the, uh, ''New York Post'', that covers the newspaper in New York, and then the ''USA Today'' which, uh, covers America! ''[singing]'' [[w:America the Beautiful|America, America]]! ''[Michael laughs]''
:''[the crowd boos as Kurt takes the microphone]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': How appropriate! We're here in "[[w:Minneapolis|Mini]]"...and I have a return match with Rey Mysterio! Pretty funny, huh? Get it? Rey Mysterio being "mini" -
:'''Tazz''': Good segue.
:'''Kurt''': - you know, short? Oh, come on, people, that's funny!
:'''Tazz''': I like that bit. I hate short people!
:'''Kurt''': It's a heck of a lot funnier than me gettin' the Stinkface last week! ''[the crowd cheers]'' Oh yeah, people were yuckin' it up then, they thought it was hilarious!
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Kurt''': Well, I'll tell you what's ''not'' gonna be so funny...
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Kurt''': ...what I'm about to do to Rey Mysterio tonight!
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Kurt''': ...you people like Rey Mysterio, huh?
:'''Crowd''': What? ''[cheers]''
:'''Kurt''': That figures...since most of you would benefit from wearing a mask yourselves!
:'''Crowd''': What?
:''[Tazz laughs]''
:'''Kurt''': Oh yeah, you betcha!
:'''Tazz''': "You betcha"? "Betcha"?
:'''Kurt''': And Chris Benoit, if I even ''see'' you laugh at me again... ''[the crowd starts a "you suck" chant]'' ...Chris Benoit, if I even see you laugh at me again...there's gonna be ''two'' holy unions tonight! ''["What?"]'' Billy and Chuck... ''["What?"]'' ...and your face and my fist!
:'''Crowd''': What? ''[boos]''
:'''Kurt''': And Rey Mysterio! I want you to remember one thing! ''["What?"]'' You're a boy... ''["What?"]'' ...in a man's world! ''["What?"]'' And I'm a man who loves to play with boys! ''[suddenly looks confused]''
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Tazz''': What the-?!
:'''Kurt''': No no no, wait a minute, wait a minute, SHUT UP! Hold on, no-no-no-no! Shut up! Hold on a second! Hold on a second! ''[mouthing "shut up" to the cheering crowd]'' What I meant to say...! Listen! ''[the crowd chants "you suck" again]'' Mysterio!! Rey Mysterio, what I meant to say...is you're a boy...and I'm a man! And tonight, I'm gonna love to manhandle you...no, wait a minute!
:''[the crowd cheers as Kurt smacks himself in the head over what he just said; Michael and Tazz both laugh]''
:'''Tazz''': Kurt! Put the mic down...
:'''Michael''': Stop while you're ahead!
:'''Kurt''': Hold on a second, hold on a second...
:'''Tazz''': ''Put the mic down!''
:'''Kurt''': Hold on - shut up! SHUT UP! Shut up! Rey Mysterio! You remember this, pal! You're a boy, and I'm a man! And when you and I get together here tonight, I'm gonna get on top of you, and - no no-! ''[begins jumping up and down in frustration as the crowd cheers again and the hosts continue to laugh]'' Mysterio, get your butt out here, 'cause I'm gonna kick your butt!! ''[finally drops the mic]''
:'''Tazz''' ''[laughing]'': Oh, Kurt! Well, he's a hell of a wrestler, though!
:'''Michael''': The Olympic champion Kurt Angle meets Rey Mysterio, next!
===October 17===
:'''Michael Cole''': Undertaker, we understand this is extremely difficult for you.
:'''The Undertaker''': Of all the things that I've been in my life, I've never been a liar. So I've requested this time so I can get a few things off my chest and set the record straight. When I was accused by this woman of being a cheater, well I lied. I do know her. But I mean, look, I knew a lot of women like her back then. But see, that was years ago. It was a long time ago, YEARS before I ever met my wife, Sara. So to say I was surprised last week when I got to ''SmackDown!'' and here's this woman accusing me of being a cheater, surprised would be an understatement. And man I had to make a judgment call, because all I could see was my pregnant wife sitting at home watching this woman accuse me of being a cheater. Truth is, I haven't seen this woman in about seven years. I don't know what she wants. I don't know if she's been paid off by Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. I don't know, all I know is the last week of my life has been a living hell due to Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. But let me guarantee you two something. The hell that I've been through is nothing, IS NOTHING compared to the hell that I'm gonna put you two through this Sunday in the Cell.
===October 24===
:'''Michael Cole''': Inside the ring here, ''SmackDown!'' general manager Stephanie McMahon, and perhaps Tazz, she'll tell us what she had to give up to acquire The Big Show in the trade.
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Well it's already been one hell of a night on ''SmackDown!'' and we're just getting warmed up! Now I knew I made the right decision when I made the trade for The Big Show because he's already been impressive. But speaking of impressive, check out this trophy right here in the middle of the ring. Because this trophy will be awarded to the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions exclusively for you, on ''SmackDown!''. So without further ado, allow me to introduce you to the first half of the WWE Tag Team Champions, the only Olympic gold medalist in WWE, Kurt Angle!
:'''Cole''': And Kurt Angle has now held all major titles in the WWE. On Sunday, Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit made history, winning the tag team tournament to become the first-ever WWE Tag Team Champions.
:'''Tazz''': You know Cole, Kurt Angle's used to gold, he's used to trophies, Kurt Angle's always making history. I'm proud to say that Kurt Angle, one half of the new WWE Tag Team Champions.
:'''McMahon''': And his partner, the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit!
:'''Cole''': Well you know Tazz, later on tonight, we are going to find out who the first challengers will be for the new tag team champions because Edge and Rey Mysterio are gonna meet the Guerreros in a number one contender's matchup.
:'''Tazz''': Well absolutely, that match will be off the hook, as is our tag champs, Angle and Benoit.
:'''Cole''': Look at Kurt Angle. Looks like a father holding the new baby with uh -
:'''Tazz''': How big that trophy is!
:'''Cole''': The new trophy.
:'''Tazz''': It's huge! Look at that! Kurt don't wanna let it go.
:'''Kurt Angle''': Stephanie, I'd just like to say how right you were to force me to set aside my personal differences with Chris Benoit, so I could single-handedly lead my team to victory at No Mercy. Wow! You know who's captain of this team? It is my pleasure to accept this trophy. And I'd like to assure my partner that this trophy will be set aside of my Olympic memorabilia on my wall of fame at home. Oh it's true, it's damn true!
:'''Tazz''': Kurt said it.
:'''Angle''': Woo!
:'''Tazz''': He's the captain of the team Cole!
:'''Cole''': Single-handedly? I think Benoit had something to do with the victory.
:'''Tazz''': The captain!
:'''Chris Benoit''': Angle, the next time you come out here, you leave that Olympic-sized ego of yours back in the locker room. Because I'm here. Everyone knows there's only one captain and that is me. Let's get it straight. We wouldn't have won these titles if it wasn't for me. And you're damn lucky Stephanie made that stipulation between us. 'Cause if she hadn't, I'd have kicked the hell out of your Olympic ass!
:'''Angle''': Listen here, Mr. Toothless Aggression! I won the freakin' match, I did! Therefore, I'm the star, and you're the supporting player! The trophy's mine, all mine, give it to me!
:'''Benoit''': Take your damn hands off that trophy, or you will eat it! So that so? ''[Angle and Benoit fight over the trophy]''
:'''Tazz''': That trophy ain't got a shot. ''[Angle wrestles the trophy away but knocks over McMahon with it]'' No oh man!
:'''Cole''': Well that didn't - that was an accident.
:'''Tazz''': That was an accident. ''[Angle helps McMahon up]'' Stephanie whoa. ''[McMahon slaps Angle in the face]''
:'''Cole''': Bet Kurt's groggy now. ''[Benoit is laughing hysterically at Angle]''
:'''Tazz''': Benoit's laughing his tail off! ''[McMahon slaps Benoit in the face and Benoit looks furiously at McMahon]''
:'''McMahon''': You two are like petulant children! And if the two of you, look what you did to this trophy! If you two can't get along, then we're gonna settle this the old-fashioned way, in the ring. Kurt, tonight, it will be you, Kurt Angle, one-on-one against Chris Benoit.
:'''Tazz''': Oh yeah!
:'''Cole''': But they're partners!
:'''Tazz''': Well that's cool man! That should be a -
:'''McMahon''': And the winner of that match will get to keep this stupid broken trophy! Now both get ready.
:'''Cole''': Well Tazz, not only do we have a number one contender's match tonight to determine who will face the Tag Team Champions, but now the Tag Team Champions are gonna fight amongst themselves! Benoit and Angle, one-on-one tonight!
:'''Tazz''': Only on ''SmackDown!'', you'll see the tag champs collide! And look at that poor trophy!
:'''Cole''': Yeah and the winner of that match gets to keep that poor trophy! All egos are gonna explode tonight.
===November 14===
:'''Marc Lloyd''': Paul. Paul Heyman.
:'''Paul Heyman''': What?
:'''Lloyd''': I was just hoping to get a word on the physical condition of Brock Lesnar.
:'''Heyman''': Why don't you ask me about the physical condition of The Undertaker? I mean, The Undertaker was thrown off the stage by The Big Show three weeks ago, have you heard one from The Undertaker, no! Brock Lesnar got thrown off the stage last week by The Big Show. You wanna know the physical condition of the WWE Champion? Brock Lesnar has a broken rib and he's been coughing up blood all week. The difference between Brock Lesnar and everybody else is, Marc, is that Brock Lesnar will defend the WWE title and he will do it this Sunday at Survivor Series against The Big Show. What Brock Lesnar ''won't'' do though, is show up tonight here on ''SmackDown!''. And that's by doctors' orders and by my orders. ''[turns around and sees Big Show behind him]''
:'''Big Show''': If by some chance, Brock Lesnar shows up here tonight, I want you to know, that I'm calling Brock Lesnar out.
===November 21===
:'''Michael Cole''': And here in the parking garage of the Hartford Civic Center, there is a one-man welcoming committee for the WWE Champion, The Big Show and Paul Heyman.
:'''Tazz''': Lesnar ripped of his title by his agent at Survivor Series.
===December 5===
:'''Chris Benoit''': Tonight, I'm involved in a fatal-four-way elimination match with Kurt Angle, Edge, and Eddie Guerrero. And the winner of this match becomes the number one contender for the WWE title. And that's all I ever wanted, that's all I've ever dreamed of. All the sacrifices that I've ever made. I broke my neck. The numbness I still have. The divorce I went through. The two kids in Edmonton, David and Megan, that I rarely see. My wife that I love, and leave every week, kiss her goodbye, and my baby boy Daniel, that I kiss goodbye every week to go on the road, to do what I do, to do what I love. To be what I wanna be, the WWE Champion. And there's three men standing in my way. Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, and Edge. I've been wrestling for 17 years now, and I'm gonna do everything I know and use everything I have to go through them tonight, to become what I wanna be, what I've always dreamed of being since I've been 3 years old. A champion. The champion. The WWE Champion.
===December 19===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Well, here I am, Kurt Angle! ''[crowd cheers]'' You know, I've been the Tag Team Champion, Intercontinental Champion, King of the Ring, NCAA Champion, World Champion, Olympic gold medalist, and once again your WWE Champion! Woo! But I'm not out here to celebrate. Actually I'm out here to get something off my chest. You see, it may sound a little strange coming from me, but it's true. It's true. You see, all my life, I've earned every title I've set out to win on my own. And this one's different. You see, I'm not so sure I could've beaten The Big Show on my own. I may have, I may not have. But there was one man who lived up to his word, and kept his promise. Then did the right thing when it counted, and I'd like to personally thank him right now. ''[Brock Lesnar's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well it looks like Kurt Angle is gonna be able to personally thank Brock Lesnar in person. ''[Brock Lesnar comes out]'' At Armageddon on Sunday, Brock Lesnar promised to make an impact. And boy, Lesnar made an impact.
:'''Tazz''': Brock Lesnar, as everybody knows, is always impactful. Well this past Sunday at Armageddon, you're right partner. Big time impact.
:'''Cole''': Well Kurt Angle went to Stephanie McMahon, and had the suspension of Brock Lesnar lifted, and Brock Lesnar upheld his end of the bargain.
:'''Angle''': Speaking the devil. You see Brock, I always said I could beat any person on this planet. Any man on this planet. But I'm not so sure I could've beat The Big Show on my own, especially with Paul Heyman in his corner, if it wasn't for you. Now I know you don't want a thank you, I know you don't want a pat on the back, I know Brock. You want something different. You want what every person in this arena wants. You want what every person in this world wants to see. The most anticipated match in WWE history. Kurt Angle versus Brock Lesnar.
:'''Cole''': Oh yeah!
:'''Tazz''': Yeah no doubt, no doubt! That'll be off the hook!
:'''Angle''': One on one for the WWE Championship, am I right? Well Brock, I'm a man of my word, and I said if I won this title, you'd be the first one to get the title shot. So here it goes Brock. NCAA Champion versus Olympic gold medalist. The match that everyone wants to see, the most anticipated match in the world. Brock, you earned it. Anytime, anywhere, any place. You name it.
:'''Brock Lesnar''': I'm glad you feel that way Kurt. Because I want that match, here tonight in Tampa! ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Angle''': That sounds incredible, Brock. That sounds good to me. But it's not gonna happen.
:'''Cole''': What? ''[crowd boos]''
:'''Angle''': You see Brock, I'm a little banged up as it is, but more importantly, I already have a match scheduled with Chris Benoit, non-title match. 'Cause I promised you the first title match. And Brock it's already been signed, my hands are tied. My hands are tied. But listen to me, listen to me. No one in this company, no one on this planet can understand the sacrifice and dedication to be the best in the world more than me. So if it's a title shot you want Brock, it's a title shot you want. The match everyone wants to see, Kurt Angle versus Brock Lesnar, next week on ''SmackDown!'', what do you say?
:'''Cole''': Imagine Tampa won't like it, well they'll be happy in Tulsa.
:'''Angle''': Brock, Brock I said you'll get your first, Brock you get the first title shot. It'll be next week on ''SmackDown!''. What do you say Brock? You earned it. ''[extends his hand, and after several seconds, Lesnar shakes Angle's hand]''
===December 26===
:'''Justin Roberts''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', Stephanie McMahon!
:'''Michael Cole''': And Stephanie McMahon, Tazz, has had a busy week reviewing that disturbing incident, which occurred when ''SmackDown!'' went off the air last week. It was between Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar, and could have major ramifications on the WWE title picture.
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Now, you all just saw a graphic for the WWE Championship, a match between Kurt Angle and The Big Show tonight. ''[crowd cheers]'' Unfortunately, that match is not going to take place. ''[crowd boos]'' And it's all due to Brock Lesnar. See, what you all don't know is what Brock Lesnar did to Kurt Angle after ''SmackDown!'' went off the air last week. Kurt Angle will not be able to compete tonight. As a matter of fact, Kurt Angle might not even be able to compete until the Royal Rumble. But I'm not gonna sit here and explain to you all what happened to Kurt Angle. I'm gonna show you the footage later tonight. Now, as far -- ''[Big Show's music plays]''
:'''Cole''': Well this is indeed a surprise. The former WWE Champion, The Big Show, on his way out here.
:'''Tazz''': This has the makings of the possibility of an explosion whenever the big angry giant known as The Big Show comes out to the ''SmackDown!'' ring.
:'''Cole''': You saw Big Show now part of this mob that Paul Heyman and Kurt Angle are involved in. Paul Heyman the agent, Big Show and Kurt Angle, the clients. A rather formidable group, to say the least. But what brings The Big Show out here now?
:'''McMahon''': Well, thanks for interrupting me, Show, uh, but where's your mouthpiece? Where's your agent Paul Heyman?
:'''Big Show''': Stephanie, Paul's not here yet. And I want to speak to you myself.
:'''McMahon''': So you came out here and uh, interrupted me and couldn't wait and speak to me in my office like everybody else?
:'''Big Show''': You know, Steph, I didn't feel like waiting. I just heard that Kurt Angle might not be able to defend his WWE Championship until Royal Rumble? I didn't hear you name me as Kurt Angle's opponent. Now I'm sure that was just an oversight, right? I'm sure you meant to make that match, right, Stephanie?
:'''McMahon''': Show, everything I do, I do for a reason. And unless you wanna wind up suspended like Brock Lesnar was, then I suggest you BACK OFF!
:'''Tazz''': Wow! Gutsy broad.
:'''McMahon''': Now, Paul Heyman did name you as the number one contender to face Kurt Angle last week. But I am the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', not Paul Heyman. And I think you need to earn your title shot. Therefore tonight, you will compete in a number one contender's match, the winner of which to face Kurt Angle at Royal Rumble. So tonight's match, Big Show, will be you versus Chris Benoit.
:'''Cole''': Tonight?!
:'''Tazz''': That's big! And I think that's fair!
:'''Big Show''': Chris Benoit? Chris Benoit, that little toothless wonder can't hold a candle to me! I'm 7 foot tall, I'm 500 pounds! ''[Chris Benoit's music plays]'' I'm --
:'''Cole''': Uh-oh! There is Chris Benoit!
:'''Tazz''': No fear, no intimidation. That's the wolverine.
:'''Cole''': And The Big Show has taken his jacket off. The Big Show and Chris Benoit set to meet later tonight, could explode right here, right now!
:'''Tazz''': And it's well-documented how bad Chris Benoit wants to be the WWE Champion.
:'''Chris Benoit''': You have absolutely no idea what I am capable of, Big Show. And don't even think for a second that I forgot about when you Chokeslammed me last week. You know the only thing stopping me from breaking your damn neck right now is our match tonight. Last week, I made Kurt Angle tap, just like I'm gonna make you tap tonight. And you want to be the number one contender for the WWE title?
:'''Big Show''': Listen, Benoit. I'm a giant. And obviously, you're not. And the only chance in hell you have of beating me is to take me from my size all the way down to your size, and I don't see that happening. ''[Benoit low blows Big Show]''
:'''Cole''': Oh!
:'''Tazz''': Oh ho ho ho ho ho!
:'''Cole''': That's a way to do it! A low blow to The Big Show!
:'''Tazz''': Oh very low, very low blow! And look at that grin, look at the grin on Benoit's face. And look at the grimace in pain on The Big Show's face!
:'''Cole''': It looked like a gut shot from Chris Benoit! The Rabid Wolverine with a first strike here tonight, sending The Big Show a little message for later on!
:'''Tazz''': Chris Benoit's got that vicious, vicious attitude. Big Show might be in trouble.
:'''Cole''': It's Show and Benoit to determine the number one contender for the title tonight!
== 2003 ==
===January 16===
:'''Dawn Marie''': A week ago, I was the happiest woman in the world, and married my sweetheart, Al Wilson. We were on our honeymoon, everything was so perfect. Now, Al's passed. He's gone. And despite all the jealousy, and all the interference of some of his family members, Al and I, we still fell in love. I loved Al Wilson so much. Al was a good man. He loved all that public attention. And that's why our wedding was public. And that's why our honeymoon was public. So tonight, I, Dawn Marie Wilson, will respect his wishes, and I will present to you, the public viewing of my husband, Al Wilson.
===January 23===
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': Tonight marks a very special edition of ''SmackDown!'', because tonight, one of the greatest superstars in WWE history returns to ''SmackDown!''. That's right ladies and gentlemen, tonight, the phenom, The Undertaker! But that's not all. Eric Bischoff wants to drop a bombshell and invite Stone Cold Steve Austin to ''Raw''? Well tonight, I have a bombshell of my own. Ladies and gentlemen, stay tuned for a big surprise.
===January 30===
:'''Vince McMahon''': All right, don't start that crap! I'LL WALK RIGHT OUT OF HERE! Last week, my daughter, Stephanie, said she had a, a big surprise for everybody on ''SmackDown!''. Boy did she ever, that was a whopper. Stephanie announced the return of Hulk Hogan. ''[crowd cheers]'' I know that uh, a lot of you people were surprised and certainly, I was surprised as well because all of a sudden, there I found myself in the ring, standing next to the Hulkster himself. ''[crowd cheers]'' Even though I could tell that Hulk Hogan was intimidated by my presence, I tried to be nice to him. Although quite frankly, I made a statement that may have been a bit inaccurate. ''[crowd chants "Asshole"]'' And I would appreciate it if you people would be nice to me. Last week, I explained to Hogan that I thought Hulkamania was a lot like the recently departed Al Wilson, that they were both dead. All right. I was wrong. How do you like that? Hulkamania's not dead. ''[crowd cheers]'' But I think most of you would agree with me, my personal assessment of Hulkamania, even though it's not dead, Hulkamania is on ''life support''. ''[crowd boos]'' And it is because of each and every one of you, that Hulkamania still lives, is because each and every one of you, who blow your hot air into the respirator of Hulkamania that keeps Hulk Hogan's lifeless body alive! ''[crowd cheers]'' But you know, you people don't know who you're cheering for, you don't know Hogan. You don't know him like I know him. Let me tell you that. I know Hulk Hogan better than anyone alive. As a businessman, Hogan is a cold, calculating, manipulative, man-eating predator. But as a human being, as a human being, Hogan is a depraved, twisted, blood-sucking bottom feeder. ''[crowd boos]'' Hogan is so practiced in the art of deception, that you people actually believe in him. ''[crowd cheers and chants "Hogan"]'' I don't get it, I, I don't understand it. I, I don't get it, I don't get the red and the yellow. I, I don't understand that. I don't get the, the training and taking your vitamins and saying your prayers and all that crap. I don't get this "Hulkamania will live forever" stuff. I'm sorry, I don't get it. See, Hulkamania may still be barely alive, but mark my words, I, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, I will kill it. ''[crowd boos]'' You people are so gullible. Hogan himself doesn't believe what he said. He didn't believe that crap! And neither should you! ''[crowd chants "Asshole"]'' Listen, Hogan, Hogan owes me. ''[points to the audience]'' Each and every one of you people, you owe me as well. I created Hulkamania! You people owe me. Hogan owes me! How, how dare Hulk Hogan, last week to walk into my ring? How dare Hulk Hogan to challenge me to a match? ''[crowd cheers]'' How dare Hulk Hogan strike me down with a sucker punch? ''[crowd cheers]'' And how dare each and every one of you cheering Hogan on supporting him for doing it? ''[crowd cheers, then chants "Hogan"]'' All right, Hogan. Hogan wants an answer to his challenge to me? You people want an answer from me as it relates to Hogan's challenge? ''[crowd cheers]'' Well I'll tell you the way it's gonna go down. There's no way out for the Hulkster. No no. There's no way out. Because at No Way Out, in one corner, you'll have Hulk Hogan and all his Hulkamaniacs. ''[crowd cheers]'' By God, in the other corner, you'll have none other than...The Rock! ''[crowd cheers]'' So, what ya gonna do, Hulk Hogan? What ya gonna do, Hulkster? What ya gonna do at No Way Out when The Rock runs wild on you?
===February 27===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well I got some bad news for you tonight! That's all right, because not only do I have bad news for you, also I have some good news for you. And the bad news is that tonight, The Rock, The Rock will not be here tonight. Whoa whoa whoa ho, the reason The Rock won't be here tonight is because The Rock himself has earned the right to go to whatever show he wants to go, whenever he wants to go. So therefore The Rock has chosen to leave ''SmackDown!'' and go to ''Raw''. Now then the good news. No no no no, this is good, hang on. This is really good. That tonight, Hulk Hogan, ''[crowd cheers]'' the Hulkster himself will not be here tonight! ''[crowd boos]'' Little disappointed in that, are you? Not as disappointed as I am. Hogan is using the flimsy excuses to why he's not here tonight. He's using the flimsy excuse, ''[crowd chants "asshole"]'' Hogan is using the flimsy excuse of a family emergency. Yeah. Imagine that one, that's a whopper huh? Something to do with his son. Nick, I think that's his name. Whatever the hell his name is, Nicolas. Is Nicolas short for, it really doesn't matter, because let's face it. There's only one reason why Hulk Hogan is not here tonight. And it's real simple. Read my lips, Hulk Hogan is a coward. ''[crowd boos]'' Hulk Hogan is afraid of me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. The hell he's not. It started about a month ago when Hogan challenged me to a match. Hey look, it's like this Hogan. Hogan, you don't screw with me, Hogan. Oh no. You see, ''[crowd chants "Hogan"]'' Shut up when I'm out here! You don't screw with me Hogan. I screw with you. And boy did I ever screw him huh? Ho ho! I screwed Hogan royally at No Way Out. Oh I'm damn proud of it, yes I am. You see, it went down like this. Hogan and Rock in the match. Hogan drops the big leg down on The Rock, hooks up The Rock, one, two and then, literally, the lights went out on Hulk Hogan. And when the lights came up, there's a bewildered Hogan standing in the ring and like The Rock's down, and the referee's down, what's going on and all of a sudden, down coming from the ramp is me to confront Hulk Hogan. And as Hogan, as Hogan is confronting me, little does he see, the appointed official, the appointed official, ladies and gentlemen, who I might add is a Canadian just like all of you. ''[crowd cheers]'' This Canadian, behind the Hulkster's back, slides the chair over to The Rock, who picks it up and then bam, Hogan goes down like one great big blivet. And then The Rock gives the Rock Bottom to Hulk Hogan and then the one, two, three. And if you don't believe me, if you don't believe everything I just said tonight, we're breaking tradition. Tonight you'll see it for yourself. Tonight ladies and gentlemen, you'll see the world broadcast premiere of exactly what I just described. And after you've seen it, after you've seen this footage, then you will agree with me unquestionably that tonight, it will be official. Hulkamania is dead. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. But there's a new mania here in the WWE. Oh yeah! There's a new mania, and that new mania is simply this. McMahonamania is running wild!
===March 6===
:''[Hulk Hogan comes out to address the crowd, two weeks removed from his match at No Way Out]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Hulk Hogan!
:'''Michael Cole''': We had the opportunity to run into Hulk Hogan earlier today, and Hogan was steaming! And who can blame the man? Two weeks ago at No Way Out, Hulk Hogan was screwed by Mr. McMahon in Hogan's match versus the Rock.
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You guys are unbelievable, man. ''[the crowd cheers]'' You know, in all seriousness, I've got something I gotta get off my chest. You know, Vince McMahon, I've had it, brother. I am totally through with you. I'm tired of biding my time; I'm tired of playing games with you, McMahon. You know, I know you'd love it if I just walked right out of this very ring and walked out of your life, brother. I'd be gone forever. But that's not gonna happen, Vince! I'm just not going away, dude! You know, you can go ahead, McMahon, and screw me out of my match with the Rock, you can go ahead and call me a coward behind my back when I'm not around, you can run all over the whole WWE, McMahon, and say, "McMahonamania is running wild!" ''[the crowd boos]'' But you know something, Vince? That doesn't change one damn thing, brother. There's an issue between you and me, McMahon - and it goes longer than 20 years, brother. And there's only one way to settle it, Vince. I know how to do it, ''[indicating the crowd]'' they know how to do it, brother! You know exactly what it's all about...so all I gotta say, Vince, is get your ass out here right now, and let's settle this like men!
:'''Michael''': Whoa! Hogan has called out...
:'''Hogan''': Come on, Vince, let's settle this like men!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Mr. McMahon's music hits and he comes out]'': ...Mr. McMahon, and he won't have to wait long!
:'''Tazz''': Well, Vince McMahon will not disappoint!
:'''Michael''': Mr. McMahon did indeed call Hulk Hogan a coward last week.
:'''McMahon''': Shut the damn music off! ''[his music stops as the crowd boos]'' I got no problem settling an issue with you at any time, at any place, Hogan. Just for the record. No problem at all. ''[the crowd starts an "asshole" chant]'' Oh, really? ''[pointing] There's'' the asshole, right there in the ring, right there, there's the asshole! I got no problem settling an issue with you, Hogan, any time, any place; I do have a problem, however, doing it as men because quite frankly, you're not a man. ''[the crowd boos] I'm'' the only man of the two. Matter of fact, Hogan, you're not a man at all; you're just a mere ''shell'' of a man. And you know it when you look in the mirror. I can't believe that you would call me out here, Hogan - after all I've done for you, after all the-
:'''Hogan''': Would you shut your damn mouth?! I'm tired of your crap, McMahon! ''[the crowd cheers]'' You know, week after week, you come out here, Vince, and you say how you hate Hulkamania! You come out here and you say how you created Hulkamania! Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah! Well, you know something, McMahon? You're either delusional, you either got hit in the head with a damn hammer, or you're either a straight-out liar, McMahon, because you had nothing to do with creating Hulkamania; you had nothing to do with it at all - you did not create Hulkamania! Hulkamania was a success in spite of you, not because of you; Hulkamania lives forever because of all these Hulkamaniacs! ''[indicating the crowd, who cheers]'' And you know, McMahon? The fact that ''I'' had something to do with building this company just makes you sick! The fact that I am the one that put this company on the map and helped you make it what it is today, that makes you sick to your stomach, brother! Yeah! And all those Learjets that you have, all those billions of dollars, the houses that your kids live in, the 20-million-dollar vacation home in Boca-
:'''McMahon''': Whoa whoa whoa whoa, just shut up!
:'''Hogan''': - that's all because of these maniacs!
:'''McMahon''': Shut up!
:'''Hogan''': Kiss my ass! ''[beckons McMahon to the ring]''
:'''McMahon''': Let me tell you something...I think you're starting to believe in your own bullshit, Hogan. I could've had anybody play the part of Hulk Hogan; I could've had anybody bring Hulkamania-
:'''Hogan''': Hold on one second, McMahon! You actually think anybody could've ran with Hulkamania? Look at all the guys you gave the ball to; look at all the guys that had the belt! Look at all the guys that ran to the goal line; nobody ran as hard and as long as I did, McMahon! If you actually think, if you actually think I was just the right guy at the right place, at the wro - at the right time...let me say it one more time so you completely understand, McMahon...if you actually believe in your mind, if you actually think that I was just the right ga - guy, at the right place, at the right time, well then, you're a bigger delusional bastard than I thought you were, McMahon! And you know something? I had a match with you a couple of - I had a...you know what I say right now, McMahon, right now we just settle this because, I had a match with the Rock a couple of weeks ago, and you were the one I wanted to get in the ring. You were the one that I was supposed to have a match with a couple of weeks ago, and you put the Rock in your place, brother. You say you're a man?...well, then I say prove it, Vince. Get in this ring with me right here tonight!
:'''McMahon''': You wanna have a match with me tonight? Let me respond to that by saying: there's no chance in hell. ''[the crowd boos]'' Let me also respond, Hogan, by saying...that you know, you think about all the things I've done for you, Hogan, all the things my family has done for you, Hogan. Let me say this: you claim that I hate Hulkamania; you're wrong. I don't hate Hulkamania; I don't even hate the Hulkamaniacs. No, I don't. But just for the record, Hogan...I hate ''you''. And I'll tell you why I hate you, Hogan: I hate you because I created you and you turned your back on me; you walked out on me, Hogan! I hate you because you left me, you went down south and joined up with Ted Turner, and you competed against me; I hate you for that! I hate you because you tried to put me out of business, and you know damn well you did! And something else I hate you before, and this is more personal than anything, something else I hate you for, Hogan, is this: you testified against me for the federal government in the trial of my life, and you know damn well you did-
:'''Hogan''': Whoa, hold on a second, McMahon! If it wasn't for my testimony - I saved your ass - you'd have went to prison, and if it wasn't for me, your big ass would still be rotting in prison. And you talk about screwing people, if you were in prison, the word "screw" would have a whole 'nother word.
:'''McMahon''' ''[incensed]'': You son of a bitch. My family gave you your first break. My family gave you your name, Hogan! I plucked you from obscurity from some little town in Minnesota; I made you a, a household name, I made you a part of the fabric of Americana, and this is the thanks I get? You think I owe you something? I don't owe you a damn thing, but pal, you owe ''me''; I can tell you right now, you owe me, and I'm gonna collect! You want a match with me? You're not gonna have a match, Hogan. But you know what you're gonna have, Hogan? You're gonna have a fight! And I dare say to you, it's the first real fight you've ever been in, Hogan! And I'll tell you where this fight is gonna take place - on the biggest stage our industry knows today, yet another one of my creations, known as WrestleMania; that's where this fight is gonna take place!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa!
:'''McMahon''': Oh, but wait, Hogan, there's one stipulation. And that stipulation goes like this: not if, but ''when'' you lose your fight to me at WrestleMania, Hogan, and I want this in writing cause your word's no good, I want it in the contract, that you will never, ever again wrestle as long as you live! Just like I said, Hogan, I created Hulkamania, and by God, at WrestleMania, I'm gonna kill it! So what's your answer, Hogan? Yes, or no?
:'''Hogan''': Yes or no? Yes or no?? Well, hell ''yes''! I've been waiting for this my whole life! And you know something, McMahon? All my life, I've been waiting for this.
:'''McMahon''': So have I.
:'''Hogan''': And I've got one question for you: what you gonna do, McMahon? Whatcha gonna do-
:'''McMahon''': Ah, cut the crap, no-no! What YOU gonna do when McMahon kills-
:'''Hogan''': Oh, cut the crap, McMahon! You're right, this is no time for catchphrases. But because of you, there's one that still holds true. And that is, you better start training, you better start eating your vitamins, and you better start saying your damn prayers, McMahon!
===March 13===
:''[Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle are arriving at the arena before the show]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Earlier today, the arrival at the Mellon Arena of the challenger, the confident number one contender, Brock Lesnar. ''[cuts to Kurt Angle with Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin in tow]'' A bit later on, a somber homecoming for the champion, a concerned Kurt Angle.
:'''Tazz''': You're looking at a man in a trance. Is it focus or is it fear?
:'''Agent''': How ya doing Kurt? ''[Angle looks at him and doesn't say anything]''
:'''Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a match tonight and the WWE title is on the line. WrestleMania has come early. It's Lesnar versus Angle tonight!
===March 27===
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You damn right, Vince McMahon fears Hulkamania! You know, I've had a business relationship with Vince McMahon for over 20-some years. And off and on again, we've been the best of friends. Well you know, I realized I didn't really know the man. Oh sure, I've seen Vince do some pretty underhanded business tactics. You know I've seen him do some, you know, kind of unsavory and quite frankly, some illegal things too, brothers. But I really didn't realize how mentally twisted Vince McMahon really is. And you know, some of us out here think Vince McMahon might be a genius. ''[crowd boos]'' Well you know, maybe he is a genius. But if he is, he's an evil damn genius. You know, just last month at No Way Out, I was going one on one with The Rock, and right when I dropped the leg on The Rock for the 1-2-3, all of the sudden, the lights in the whole damn arena went out. And when the lights came back on, there was The Rock laying right where the leg drop left him, but on the other side of the ring, there was the referee. And as I looked around to see what was really going down, all of a sudden, here come Vince McMahon, power walking down the damn ramp. Well you know something maniacs? I knew something had gone awry, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Not until after the match, that I completely realized this was some huge evil plan by Vince McMahon himself. And I guess maybe I should've been better prepared last week. I should've known that Vince McMahon wouldn't come out here in public and sign a contract with me, one on one for WrestleMania, but I had no idea that Vince McMahon would stoop to the depths he stooped to last week. And when it was all said and done, Vince McMahon made me sign the contract for WrestleMania in my very own blood, brothers. ''[crowd boos]'' So when the attorneys called me up and said, "Vince McMahon wants to make this a street fight." I was so damn mad I said, "Oh hell yeah! Let it be a street fight!" ''[crowd cheers]'' But now that I've had time to reflect, I realized I really don't know this evil man. And I have to ask the Hulkamaniacs the question. Should I have put my career on the line at WrestleMania? Well you know something maniacs, maybe I shouldn't have put my career on the line at WrestleMania. But I did, and I will, because I'm a man of my word. And I know in my heart, I know in my heart with Hulkamania running wild, this won't be my last time on ''SmackDown!'', damn it! ''[crowd cheers]'' I know in my heart that this match with Vince McMahon won't be my last damn match, brothers! ''[crowd cheers]'' Because I know physically I can beat Vince McMahon in a fight. ''[crowd chants "Hogan"]'' I know like I said, I can beat Vince McMahon in a fight. But this isn't gonna be any ordinary fight. This is gonna be a fight that's been brewing for over 20 years, maniacs. This is gonna be a fight like you've never seen before. And you're also gonna see a Hulk Hogan like you've never seen before! Because you're gonna have to. When you step in the ring with a man that will do anything to end your career, you gotta be ready to step up to plate and reach all new highs, and you also gotta be ready to dig in the gutter and reach all lows. Whether this is gonna be my last match, whether Hulk Hogan is making his last stand, and whether Hulkamania is gonna live forever, I really don't know, maniacs. But there is one thing that I know damn it! That at WrestleMania, when Hulkamania's running wild, I promise you that I will leave Vince McMahon laying in a pool of his very own blood, brothers!
===May 1===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': You know, last Sunday, I went through one hell of a match. One hell of a fight with John Cena at Backlash. I like fights. Kudos to John Cena. He gave me one hell of a fight. One hell of a fight he did. But I'm not here tonight to talk about that. You see, there's something else that happened that night that really disturbs me. You see, I came out here tonight. I'm looking for another fight. Big Show.
:'''Tazz''': Uh-oh.
:'''Lesnar''': That's right, Big Show. I came here tonight looking for a fight with you. You see Big Show, what you did to Rey Mysterio at Backlash, gutless. That's what I call it. Gutless! So I gotta ask you Show. I gotta ask you. From me to you. Why? Why Big Show? Did it make you feel, did it make you feel better, Show? Did it make you feel like a bigger giant than you are? Seven feet two, 500 pounds? You feel like a bigger human being, Show? Or was it, Show, that you realized that Rey Mysterio had a bigger heart than you? Is that what it was? Big Show, you can run all over the mat, you can run all over the locker room, you can come in this ring and bully anybody you want, but I ain't standing for it! You want to bully somebody, Big Show? Why don't you bring your big giant slobbery ass down to this ring and try to bully Brock Lesnar?
:'''Tazz''': Oh boy!
:'''Lesnar''': That's right Show! Bring your big giant ass down here so you can feel the pain! ''[Big Show's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh we're going, we're going Cole!
:'''Michael Cole''': Here we go!
:'''Tazz''': Oh it's go time! ''[Big Show comes out]''
:'''Cole''': The Big Show has been called out by Lesnar! Because the WWE Champion, you're the leader of the locker room. Brock Lesnar acting like that leader tonight. Echoing many of the sentiments of the other superstars.
:'''Big Show''': Bully someone? Bully someone is what you're talking about?! Bully? Listen, Rey Mysterio, he had exactly what he deserved coming to him, just like you're gonna get it too. You calling me out for a fight? Remember, I'll beat your ass just like I did at Survivor Series. Oh no no no. I'm not stepping in that ring until you put that WWE Championship on the line.
:'''Lesnar''': You want my title Show?
:'''Big Show''': Yeah!
:'''Lesnar''': You want this title?
:'''Big Show''': Yeah!
:'''Lesnar''': Come and get it!
===June 12===
:''[Brock Lesnar is defending the WWE Championship against Big Show]''
:'''Tazz''': Big Show's in a land where he doesn't belong, on those ropes.
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[Lesnar punches Big Show on the top rope]'' And Brock Lesnar looks to take advantage.
:'''Tazz''': Here comes Brock now. Here comes Brock. ''[Lesnar climbs the top rope]''
:'''Cole''': The champion...
:'''Tazz''': Oh whoa.
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute.
:'''Tazz''': No.
:'''Cole''': Oh my God. ''[Lesnar punches Big Show]''
:'''Tazz''': No!
:'''Cole''': Lesnar with the, the clubbing blows to the back!
:'''Tazz''': No freaking way! ''[Lesnar prepares to suplex Big Show off the top rope]''
:'''Cole''': Is he setting Big Show up for?!
:'''Tazz''': A superplex!
:'''Cole''': No he can't do this!
:'''Tazz''': That's a 500-pound superplex!
:'''Cole''': Brock Lesnar to the top rope!
:'''Tazz''': No! Top rope! A 500-pound superplex! ''[Lesnar suplexes Big Show off the top rope, and the ring collapses on impact]''
:'''Cole''': A superplex!
:'''Tazz''': Holy --
:'''Cole''': Oh my God!
:'''Tazz''': Holy (beep)!
:'''Cole''': What the hell?! The ring just imploded! The ring blew up!
===July 3===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Good evening. My name is Vincent Kennedy McMahon. And tonight, finally, once and for all, I will personally seal the fate of Mr. America. And tonight, I present to you a special, two-on-one matchup, in which my daughter, Stephanie McMahon, teams up with the one-legged Zach Gowen. And collectively, they will face the mighty Big Show, in what will truly be, the first-ever ''handicap'' match.
===August 21===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Brock, I told you straight to your face before Vengeance, friend or not, I would stop at nothing to regain this WWE Championship. ''[crowd cheers]'' And Brock, I don't apologize for beating you. Because you know something? You know as well as I do, this title is what I live for. And I thought you could appreciate that, but I guess I thought wrong. Well Brock it's like this. I didn't come out here tonight to have some elaborate revenge plan like you did with Vince McMahon. And you know why? Because I don't need some punked up 58-year old whack job billionaire to do my battles for me! I fight my battles on my own! And Brock, I will get my revenge. But I'm gonna do it the old fashioned way. By finding you and kicking your ass! It's that simple. Now Brock I know we have a match this Sunday at SummerSlam for the WWE Championship, and that's okay. Because I didn't come here tonight for a match. I came here for a fight! I wanna fight against Brock Lesnar! I wanna fight against Vince McMahon! Hell, I'll fight Brock and Vince at the same time! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! But I want a fight tonight, and I'm not going anywhere until I get one!
:'''Michael Cole''': Kurt Angle means business.
:'''Tazz''': Man, intense! Totally intense is the WWE Champion.
:'''Cole''': Is the owner and -- ''[Mr. McMahon's music plays]'' wait a minute! ''[Mr. McMahon comes out]''
:'''Tazz''': Well the boss ain't hard to find.
:'''Cole''': I don't think those comments were too flattering that towards Mr. McMahon by Kurt a few moments ago. You know, Mr. McMahon's ego, he won't let those comments fly.
:'''Mr. McMahon''': Ha ha ha ha ha.
:'''Cole''': Be called a whacked out billionaire?
:'''McMahon''': How about that huh? Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle shows up looking for a fight tonight. I'm impressed! Oh yeah, I'm impressed! But you see something Kurt, ''[crowd chants "asshole"]'' you people are pathetic.
:'''Angle''': No they're not Vince, I think they're calling you an (bleep).
:'''McMahon''': You see Kurt, it's not about what you want. In this business it's not about what you want. I don't give a damn what you want. In this business it's not about what these people want. I don't give a damn about these people. ''[crowd boos]'' In this business it's about one thing. It's about what I want. And what I want you to do is to listen up, Kurt. Yeah because quite frankly, I want you to understand this, there will be no fight between you and Brock Lesnar tonight. ''[crowd boos]'' And furthermore there will be no fight assuredly between you and me tonight. That's not gonna happen either.
:'''Angle''': Oh is that right? Is that right Vince? Why don't you come to the ring and tell me to my face, you stupid son of a (beep)! ''[McMahon angrily walks to the ring]''
:'''Tazz''': Whoa whoa whoa, here comes the boss! ''[McMahon stops halfway through]''
:'''McMahon''': Wait a minute. No wait a minute. I just saved your career right there pal, okay? You're gonna thank me later on, 'cause I know what you're all about, you see? If I were to go face to face with you in that ring, you would do something you would regret for the rest of your life. You know what that is? These are my rules, not yours, not theirs. You see Kurt, if you so much as lay a hand on me or Brock Lesnar tonight, hell if you come anywhere near me or Brock Lesnar prior to SummerSlam, then Kurt, you are subject to immediate suspension. ''[crowd boos]''
:'''Tazz''': Wow.
:'''McMahon''': Oh yeah! You're subject to me stripping you of the title prior to SummerSlam! You come anywhere near either me or Brock Lesnar, hell I'll fire your ass pal! These are my rules, not yours, and by my rules, since you're so anxious to get into action here tonight, I'm gonna provide you with an opponent. Someone that uh, will give you like a little tune-up match prior to SummerSlam. Don't worry about this guy, he, he's only 500 pounds. He's only seven feet tall.
:'''Tazz''': Oh no.
:'''McMahon''': He's only The Big Show! ''[Big Show's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': God! ''[Big Show comes out]''
:'''Cole''': A tune-up match?!
:'''Tazz''': That's a big tune. Oh my god!
:'''Cole''': You've gotta be kidding me!
:'''McMahon''': Hey Kurt, as the old expression, be careful what you wish for? You just might get it pal.
:'''Angle''': Hey Vince! Hold on a second. You think that's what I want? A match? Let me explain this to you very slowly so you can understand, because you are a stupid son of a (beep). ''[McMahon tries to go to the ring but Big Show holds him back]'' I want a FIGHT! And I'm not going anywhere until I get one! You say you're gonna give me a match with The Big Show later on tonight? Well I say screw that! I wanna fight The Big Show and uh, I'm gonna do it right now.
<hr width=50%>
:''[after Brock Lesnar has brutally attacked Zach Gowen]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, tragedy has struck ''SmackDown!'', one of the most courageous people I've ever met, Zach Gowen, the victim of a sickening, premeditated assault by Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar conducting this assault on Zach Gowen in front of Gowen's family. In front of his own mother, Colleena. You can hear Colleena in the background.
:'''Tazz''': Well that's exactly what Lesnar does, he puts Zach Gowen. Look at how Lesnar does it. God you see his, Zach Gowen's knee just torqued right around that steel post.
:'''Cole''': And that wasn't enough, this sick excuse for a human being, Brock Lesnar wouldn't even allow the paramedics to carry Zach Gowen out of this arena. You know, ladies and gentlemen, every week, we're paid to come out here and be unbiased. To describe the action, to explain to you what's going on and not take sides. But, tonight I gotta break tradition. What we saw moments ago was absolutely ridiculous, and for what? For what did Brock Lesnar do this for? It's not about the WWE Championship! It wasn't even about winning a damn match! Brock Lesnar was a bully; Brock Lesnar acted like an ass out here tonight, and for what? For what purpose?!
:'''Tazz''': Well I don't know for what. I, I, I thought I knew Brock Lesnar also. I, I guess I didn't know Brock. I remember Brock when he first came up in our company. And I knew Brock, we became friends and I, along with Kurt Angle, and I, I guess I didn't know Brock either. I'm uh, disgusted. I mean, he's gonna get himself blacklisted in that locker room, I'll tell you that.
:'''Cole''': Blackli - you think Brock Lesnar gives a damn about being blacklisted?!
:'''Tazz''': No, I don't, I don't think he cares.
:'''Cole''': He came out here tonight, vowed to break a kid's leg, took Zach Gowen and twice F5'd him into the steel post. The same move that required Kurt Angle to get knee surgery. You think he cares about being blacklisted?! He doesn't give a damn about anything except Mr. McMahon and that damn WWE title!
:'''Tazz''': With Mr. McMahon in the head of Brock Lesnar, this man, this ''manster'' as we call him, Brock Lesnar is capable of anything. A vicious, vicious, animal. That's what he is.
:'''Cole''': And all I can say, I'm gonna say it again and I've said it before. I hope at SummerSlam this Sunday, that Kurt Angle breaks every bone in Brock Lesnar's body. At SummerSlam, Brock Lesnar gets what he deserves.
:'''Tazz''': Well Cole, I don't think Kurt can do it. I mean, no knock on Kurt Angle, the most celebrated athlete in WWE history, and all that great stuff, Brock Lesnar is on a mission and it's a dangerous, raging mission.
:'''Cole''': Well somebody's gotta do something.
===August 28===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': Shut up and sit down, I got something to say! You see, ever since SummerSlam, everywhere I go, everybody keeps saying the same damn thing. "You tapped out". SHUT UP IT AIN'T FUNNY! People say it at the hotels, in the gym, in the restaurant, EVERYWHERE I GO! In the damn airplanes, they're telling me, "you tapped out. You tapped", I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF IT! ''[crowd chants "you tapped out"]'' SHUT UP!
:'''Tazz''': Yeah shut up, he's gonna go nuts!
:'''Michael Cole''': This crowd chanting "you tapped out".
:'''Tazz''': Yeah he's gonna snap.
:'''Lesnar''': Well I got news for ya! What happened at SummerSlam was a damn fluke. No wait, it was a mirage, that's what it was. Oh no no no! It was a miracle, that's what it was, because Brock Lesnar has never tapped out in his life! You see, I'm not a quitter damn it! No I'm not. I ain't like all of you people. Can't find jobs and if you can't find a job, you just quit looking for one. You see I never tapped out, it never happened! Well, maybe it happened but it really didn't happen you see. Hey, what happened to me at SummerSlam, I know it has to be the most embarrassing thing that happened to me in my entire life, period! That's all right, because I know what you people are thinking. I know what you people are thinking, you're thinking "hey Brock, there's no shame in tapping out to Kurt Angle. He's an Olympic champion." Well that's bullshit! Because I'm Brock Lesnar, and I'm special damn it!
:'''Tazz''': Well he's special.
:'''Lesnar''': That's right. You people might think that me and Kurt Angle, that we're over. But you're wrong. You're dead wrong. You see I'm out here tonight, I'm asking, no I'm demanding, I am demanding a title rematch, Kurt. You see Kurt, I know you're back there, I know you can hear me with those puny little ugly-ass ears of yours. I know you can hear me Kurt. So you better get your ass out here because if you don't, what I did to Zach Gowen last week,
:'''Kurt Angle''': ''[on screen]'' Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah! ''[mockingly]'' What's wrong Brockie? Want me come down and change your diaper?
:'''Cole''': Oh boy.
:'''Angle''': You know this is ridiculous. You know something Brock? You're right. You're not like anyone else. You're the most fearsome athlete that ever stepped foot in a WWE ring. Well you know something? You sound more like a ''[mockingly]'' baby that just lost his rattle. You know something Brock, that's not the way a WWE, no I should say, a FORMER WWE Champion's supposed to act.
:'''Lesnar''': Oh you're pretty funny Kurt hahaha!
:'''Angle''': See Brock, go ahead and act like an idiot, 'cause you know what? I was like you before. Whenever I'd lose, whenever I'd lose Brock, I'd hop in that ring and sound exactly the way you sound right now. Like a whiny little bitch! But Brock, I learned. You hear these WWE fans? I learned from them Brock. Because they're not impressed with bitching. They're impressed with action. You know all the kind of action like, when I beat your ass at SummerSlam! Woo! That kind of action. Which gives me a good idea. You know how you said you never tapped before and you'll never tap again? Why don't I just uh, mozie on down to the ring right now and, I don't know, beat you up a little bit? Hit you with a couple of German suplexes, nail you with an Angle Slam, and slap that ankle lock on you and make you tap out one more time, YOU BIG OGRE LOOKING SON OF A BITCH! WOO! Oh it's true!
:'''Lesnar''': Come on Kurt! Prove it! Come on loudmouth!
===October 2===
:''[Big Show had just been counted out of his match with Orlando Jordan because of a call to nature. Eddie Guerrero comes into the restroom]''
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': ''[turned off by the sheer smell]'' Oh Chihuahua man'', eto qunni''. Hoho man. ''[knocks on Big Show's stall]'' Hey Big Show! Big Show!
:'''Big Show''': LEAVE ME ALONE!!
:'''Guerrero''': Oh man, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to scare you while you're in the commode. ''Ese'' man, it smells like something crawled up inside of you and died, man! ''Ca miho! Uy'' man, I guess that's what happens, Show.
:'''Big Show''': What? What are you talking about?
:'''Guerrero''': Hey man, I'm talking about when you put me out twice, you really think that you can bonk me out twice man, and get away with it?
:'''Big Show''': Eddie I didn't do anything!
:'''Guerrero''': ''Ese,'' Show, the reason you're there is because I DID THIS!!! That's right man, that's right, it was my cousin Jose you just met right now, and ate the burrito, ''ese''.
:'''Big Show''': Oh no!
:'''Guerrero''': I put special sauce and I mean some '''real good''' special sauce ''[touches tummy]'' the type that makes your stomach do what it's doing right now, ''ese''!
:'''Big Show''': Oh it's killing me.
:'''Guerrero''': Oh my God I know it's killing you, I can smell it. ''Huy!! [picks up toilet paper rolls at dispenser near sink]'' Hey man, you save your sweat, let me ask you a question, what are you gonna do to wipe your ass? No, you know, wipe your ass?
:'''Big Show''': ''[reacts]'' No, no, no. Eddie, there's no toilet paper in here!! C'mon man, don't do this to me!
:'''Guerrero''': I'm sorry, that's right. I forgot. I took the toilet paper out about an hour ago.
:'''Big Show''': Oh no, man!
:'''Guerrero''': ''[puts toilet paper atop dispenser]'' Here man, I got something for you to wipe your ass with. Here goes! ''[kicks stall door right into Big Show]''
:'''Big Show''': ''[Rises up]'' You son of a... ''[reacts and collapses back on toilet as more come out]''
:'''Guerrero''': Ohohoh, does that hurt?
:'''Big Show''': Oh, yeah..
:'''Guerrero''': Hurt your back? ''[mocks back pain]'' Montezuma ain't got NOTHING on MonGuerrero! ''[leaves as Big Show cries]''
===October 23===
:'''Vince McMahon''': Well, well, well, well. Lookee here, it's me, Vince McMahon. You remember me, Vince McMahon, chairman of the board? Yeah, I'm sure you do. And I am proud to stand here--next to Sable--proud to stand here and say to each and every one of you, that I beat the snot right out of my very own daughter, Stephanie McMahon. Boo all you want. Hey, boo all you want, it doesn't matter to me, hell, nothing bothers me. I know where I'm going when I croak. I know where I'm going when I kick the bucket. Hey, I'm going to hell in a handbasket. I know that but I'm not dead. I'm very much alive and... well, we're celebrating tonight. Matter of fact, maybe even kinda like, I celebrated after No Mercy. After I beat my daughter, after I shoved my wife down onto the mat, I celebrated unlike all the rest of you henpecked husbands and boyfriends who do exactly as you're told. You know, how I celebrated after No Mercy, you heard the expression, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." Well, I assure you, I didn't spoil the child but I didn't spare the rod either, did I, Sable? Oh no, I used it all night long. Quite frankly, I accomplished the two things I wanted to accomplish. One: Stephanie McMahon is, as we speak, unemployed. And the second thing I accomplished, equally important, if not even more so, is that Brock Lesnar remains your WWE Champion. Hey, listen, I admit, Brock needed a little assistance in this match but why wouldn't he? Brock's a professional wrestler. He's not a barbarian. He shouldn't have been placed in this biker chain match by my daughter to begin with. So, I mean, when Undertaker somehow was reaching up for that chain and Brock was down to the canvas, well, somehow conveniently the lights were turned out. And then, when Undertaker was reaching for the chain again, somehow someone told the FBI to come down and kick the hell out of the Undertaker. And then, when all else failed, and Undertaker got the chain and he turned around at the top rope, who was there rolling out from underneath the ring to give the Undertaker the ride of a life he'll never forget? Me! Me, Vince McMahon! You see, the Undertaker has to learn the hard way, just like some of these other superstars, although he has to learn even harder and that is that, and the one thing Undertaker learned is you don't cross the boss. You don't...you don't give grief to the head chief. Wait a minute, wait a minute. But you do have sex with the man who signs your checks. Oh, yeah, I'm on fire tonight! No doubt! Yeah! But, quite frankly, enough about the celebration, we now need to get down to business. I've thought long and hard about who should be our next general manager here on ''SmackDown!''. But it's not you, Sable, that's not your job. I have some other jobs suggested for you. No, as a matter of fact, the person I'm about to name as your new general manager, well, he's someone who quite frankly tried to put me out of business. He's someone that if he's around you for a lengthened time, you find yourself reaching for his throat just so you could strangle him. But... but, nonetheless without a doubt, this person is one of the most ingenious, creative, and manipulative minds in the history of this business. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your new general manager of ''SmackDown!'', I give you Paul Heyman!
===November 6===
:'''The Undertaker''': See, this all goes way beyond the WWE title. This is also very personal. On Survivor Series night, I will have worked for this company for 13 years. And in those 13 years, Vince McMahon has screwed with me professionally and personally. Vince McMahon does not respect me. Vince McMahon does not respect anybody other than Vince McMahon. When I walk into that arena in Dallas, Texas, when I walk into that locker room, those guys in there, they show me respect. They show me respect because in return, I show them respect. Whether I wrestle against them, whether I fight them, we have a mutual respect. We're gladiators, and we go out there and lay it on the line. Vince McMahon on the other hand, respects no one. And for all the people, through all the years that Vince has disrespected, he's gonna have to atone for. Bret Hart, Steve Austin, the list is endless. And I think Vince respects his family even less than he does us. Vince is a man who disrespects his wife by flaunting his affairs for the whole world to see, with no remorse. This is a man who shoves his wife down, in front of the world. Here is a man who takes his only daughter, puts her in a match against himself, and knocks her around, and ends up choking her, until Linda had to throw in a towel to save her own daughter. Then this is all pretty much normal activity to Vince McMahon. Well, I'm a firm believer, and I think this ''[gestures his heart]'' with everything that I am, I think that in every man's life, there comes a time where you have to be held accountable for your actions. Everyone. Even if your name is Vince McMahon.
===November 13===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Listen, the next step is Survivor Series, all right?
:'''Chris Benoit''': Whoa whoa whoa, what were you thinking? Have you lost your damn mind?! You picked him? Him to be my partner tonight? And to be the fifth member on our team at Survivor Series? How can we trust him? How can we trust him?! Hmm? This guy has made a career of trying to tear us down. And you picked him to be on our team?
:'''Angle''': Wait a minute, Benoit. News flash! I can say the same exact thing about you. I don't like you. And I don't trust you either. And I know you feel the same exact way about me. But sometimes in business, you have to get along with the people that you absolutely detest in order to reach a common goal, and you know that! So don't give me that crap. ''[John Cena is behind Benoit]''
:'''John Cena''': You know Chris, I don't like you either. ''[Benoit gets in Cena's face]''
:'''Angle''': Whoa whoa whoa, hold on, hold on! Hey save it for tonight, save it for tonight guys. Come on, come on.
:'''Cena''': Yo captive, don't sweat yourself.
:'''Angle''': Easy.
:'''Cena''': Only reason I'm teaming with you and Kojak is to get a shot at Team Sasquatch. If I gotta team with you to get a shot at Team Lesnar, well that be's like that sometimes. Just remember out there bro, you can't see me.
:'''Benoit''': He tries one thing, ONE THING, to try to screw me tonight, and I am going to take his head off, and then, I'm gonna come looking for you.
===November 20===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': Do you have any idea what you have put me through this week? Do you have any idea what I've been going through since last Sunday? Because of you guys... no, it was you guys that lost to Kurt Angle's team last Sunday at Survivor Series. Because of you guys, I tapped out to Chris Benoit. Because of you guys, I have to listen to those people say, "You tapped out! You tapped out!" Do you realize... you don't have any idea how degrading that is! ''(grabs WWE championship belt)'' I'm the WWE Champion! Get a good look at that! Maybe someday, you'll become it if you step up to the plate! I'm the WWE Champion and I deserve some respect around here! And respect is what I'm gonna get. I've spoken to Paul Heyman to address this issue. Tonight, Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, A-Train, Big Show, each one of you guys is gonna get a chance to redeem yourself for what you did last Sunday. Starting off with my first problem, a guy, no, a problem that has been messing with me this entire week, Chris Benoit. Tonight, Chris Benoit is gonna face ''(pointing Nathan Jones)'' you, Nathan Jones. That's right, Nathan. What do you think about that? Huh? Yeah!
:'''Nathan Jones''': Yeah!
:'''Brock''': God, you're one ugly...
:'''Nathan''': Yeah!
:'''Brock''': You are one ugly bastard, you know that? That's what I like about you. Tonight, I want you to take Chris Benoit and squish him like the parasite that he is. And to make sure of that, it will be me standing in your corner. All right? Now, on to my second problem, ''(turning to Big Show)'' John Cena, the guy that pinned you, Big Show, last Sunday to gain the victory for Kurt Angle's team. The guy that took you, a 500-pound, seven-foot tall giant, picked him up over his head and gave you the FU.
:'''Big Show''': I know who he is.
:'''Brock''': Well, what are you gonna do about it, huh?
:'''Big Show''': You giving me John Cena?
:'''Brock''': I'm giving you John Cena.
:'''Big Show''': I want John Cena!
:'''Brock''': Well, good. Good. You got John Cena tonight. Now get the hell out of my face! You guys disgust me!
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Kane''': I came here tonight to give a eulogy for my brother, the Undertaker, the man that I buried alive at Survivor Series. But I can't do that. The truth is, the man that we knew as the Undertaker, has been dead for a long time. My brother and I used to share a common bond, we were monsters, we lived to strike fear into the hearts of normal men, THAT was who we were. But my brother, the Undertaker, committed the most unpardonable of all sins: He betrayed himself. He became one of you. I know, I watched as he showed compassion and defended Stephanie McMahon. I watched as he showed weakness in losing to Brock Lesnar. This man was not my brother. This man was not a monster. A monster shows no compassion. A monster has no weaknesses. My brother was nothing but a FRAUD. When I stopped that, I took this impostor, I buried him alive... and I enjoyed it. As I look around all I see is a mass of pathetic insects that I can destroy any time I wanted. But at least you people are true your nature. My brother was not. But thanks to me, you will never have to see his pathetic carcass again. This so called 'Deadman' was dead and buried long before Survivor Series. So all I have to say... is rest in peace, my brother. Rest in peace!
===November 27===
:'''Paul Heyman''': Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the greatest Thanksgiving spectacular in the history of network television! ''[crowd cheers]'' Tonight, I, Paul Heyman, the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', ''[crowd boos]''
:'''Tazz''': Well they don't appreciate him.
:'''Heyman''': Hereby invite you to join me in celebrating a great American tradition. The tradition of opportunity. Because tonight, I have arranged for in this very ring, a 20-man over the top rope battle royal! ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh! Huge!
:'''Heyman''': But that's not all, because that's not good enough for Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!''. I told you, we're gonna celebrate opportunity. Because the winner of the 20-man over the top rope battle royal, tonight, will get the opportunity of a lifetime. Because that man will, in this very ring, tonight, have the opportunity to wrestle for the WWE Championship.
:'''Michael Cole''': Someone will hit the jackpot tonight!
:'''Heyman''': Because the winner of the battle royal will wrestle Brock Lesnar! ''[Brock Lesnar's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Well, here comes the pain! ''[Brock Lesnar comes out]''
:'''Cole''': Brock Lesnar will defend his title tonight against one of 20 men, whoever wins the battle royal.
:'''Tazz''': And there's Lesnar, Cole. Ever so confident.
:'''Cole''': Confident? The WWE Champion Brock Lesnar is downright cocky.
:'''Tazz''': Well I'll tell you what, Brock Lesnar might be cocky, but damn, he's the, he's the cog in the wall. That's what Brock Lesnar is. Look at Lesnar, wow! Huge huge news by Heyman!
:'''Cole''': I can't get over it! A battle royal and a championship match all in the same night here on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': Look at Brock checking out all these guys around ringside. All these ''SmackDown!'' superstars. ''[crowd chants "you tapped out]''
:'''Cole''': The fans with the "you tapped out" chants, referring to Survivor Series and the Crossface by Chris Benoit. Lesnar tapped to the Crossface.
:'''Tazz''': Of course he uh, tapped.
:'''Brock Lesnar''': Well, happy Thanksgiving to you too! You see, unlike you, on a day like today, I came out here to give thanks. You see, Brock Lesnar is thankful at the age of only 26, I am well on my way to becoming the greatest WWE Champion of all time.
:'''Tazz''': Well that, that's, I guess he is cocky Cole. That's pretty arrogant. You know, there's been a lot of great champions.
:'''Cole''': The "you tapped out" chant begins again.
:'''Lesnar''': I am the greatest champion! I, Brock Lesnar, am the fightingest champion, as I should be, because I am afraid of no one. I am not afraid of you people, and I sure as hell am not afraid of any one of you...guys. You see, I am not afraid of a guy who has speed and agility. ''[to Bradshaw]'' No I'm not talking to you, you big mouthy Texan. ''[to Rey Mysterio]'' I'm talking to you, you little jumping bean. I am not afraid ''[to Big Show]'' of a guy that stands seven feet tall and weighs five hundred pounds. I am not afraid of a guy ''[to John Cena]'' who's never been champion. And I sure as hell am not afraid of a guy ''[to Chris Benoit]'' who will never be a champion.
:'''Cole''': But Benoit made Brock tap out. And these chants really get under the champion's skin, the "you tapped out" chants.
:'''Lesnar''': Yeah I did tap out Chris! I tapped out twice in my career, and I guaran-damn-tee you, it will never, and each one of you guys, listen to this. I will never, ever tap out again. ''[crowd boos]'' You know what? I think I will get my respect by making somebody around here tap out. I think tonight, the winner of this 20-man battle royal who will be facing me, for my WWE title, I, Brock Lesnar, will make you tap out. Excuse me for a second. ''[whispers in Heyman's ear]''
:'''Heyman''': You're right! May I? ''[takes the microphone]'' Mr. Lesnar, that sir, is an excellent idea, because it's all about opportunity. You see, just like Brock Lesnar SCRATCHED and CLAWED his way to the top of the mountain to become the WWE Champion, two men tonight will earn their way into this battle royal. Two men tonight have to win a match just to get in to the battle royal. And the first man that has to win a match tonight is you, John Cena. In order for you, John Cena, to get into the battle royal, you first have to defeat the 350 pound A-Train. Can you see me now John? Oh but that's not all. Because Mr. Lesnar has chosen someone else that needs to earn his way into that battle royal. And that man ladies and gentlemen, is you, Chris Benoit. You see, Chris Benoit, in order for you to get into that battle royal, you have to defeat an opponent of MY choosing. But you won't have to wait long to find out who it is. Because your match, sir, is next. And then we're gonna find out which one of the 20 men who enter that battle royal will have the opportunity of a lifetime when they step into the ring with the WWE Champion, Brock Lesnar!
===December 18===
:'''John Cena''': Yo yo yo yo yo. Chill chill chill.
'Tis the season to be spreading love and holiday cheer!<br>
I'm bitched, I've been getting ripped off for 26 years.<br>
I asked for presents, all I ever got was yellow snow.<br>
So this year I turn Mrs. Claus into a ho-ho-ho.<br>
Christmas Eve, when Santa Claus is skippin' over my house,<br>
I be in his crib with my hand up Mrs. Claus' blouse.<br>
And when his fat ass gets stuck down some small chimney,<br>
well she be hangin' off the balls from my Christmas tree.<br>
Yo. With all the other elves up there, I don't know who else been at it.<br>
So when I give 'em my Christmas present, I make damn sure that I rap it.<br>
So put out your milk and cookies for ol' St. Nick.<br>
The longer he's gone, the longer Mrs. Claus is workin' my...
:'''Crowd''': DICK!
== 2004 ==
=== January 1 ===
:'''Dawn Marie''': Paul, when are you gonna give me the cover of ''SmackDown!'' Magazine like you promised? ''[door opens]''
:'''Paul Heyman''': Dawn, take a walk, now! ''[Chris Benoit has entered Heyman's office, laughing]'' I uh, I suppose you're proud of yourself, huh?
:'''Chris Benoit''': Well, for someone who wasn't even supposed to be in the Royal Rumble, you may be looking at the next winner of the Royal Rumble. No, no in fact, you're looking at the next WWE Champion.
:'''Heyman''': Is that a fact?
:'''Benoit''': That's a fact.
:'''Heyman''': See, Chris, I think this, this is the time that you and I should have a man-to-man talk.
:'''Benoit''': Man-to-man?
:'''Heyman''': Because you see, there is a difference between me and everybody that comes to see ''SmackDown!'' live.
:'''Benoit''': Right. Yeah.
:'''Heyman''': They're working grunts. Me, I'm management. You have nothing, nothing that differs you between you and everybody that comes to ''SmackDown!'' because you're just like everybody else, Chris. You're a working stiff. You're a common working man. You're a working grunt for management like me. See Chris, people like you, they get stopped dead in their tracks by people like me. Sometimes you get stopped because of injury. Sometimes you get stopped because of fate. Well, my friend, at the Royal Rumble, you get stopped by management. Oh you can scratch, and you can claw, and you can work your way to the top, like everybody out there pursuing the American Dream, but you know what happens, Chris? People like me stop people like you! You give up time with your family, you take time away from your wife and your children to be number one. Well, Chris, I'm gonna make you number one! But not the number one at being the WWE Champion, no my friend. I'm gonna make you number one, 'cause you are the number one entrant into the Royal Rumble! You're number one! You're the first guy that will be in the Royal Rumble! 29 OTHER PEOPLE COME AFTER YOUR ASS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! ''[Benoit grabs Heyman's hand]''
:'''Benoit''': DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?! DO I UNDERSTAND YOU?!
:'''Heyman''': You're breaking--
:'''Benoit''': MY WIFE, MY KIDS, MY SACRIFICES? You understand me, I will win the Royal Rumble, I will be the next WWE Champion, and you won't, you'll never, break my will!
===January 22===
:'''Josh Mathews''': Mr. Heyman, now with all due respect, how did you feel last week --
:'''Paul Heyman''': Respect? Respect?! There is no more respect, Josh! There's no respect for authority! There's no respect for the English language! There's no more respect for the general manager of ''SmackDown!'', Paul Heyman! Now is there?! And that's all thanks to that thug, John Cena and Chris Benoit. That all changes tonight, 'cause tonight is the start of a whole new ''SmackDown!''. And I'll tell you why, Josh. I look at the leadership of Vince McMahon, who took this industry out of the dirty, smoking bingo hall and brought sports entertainment to beautiful brand new arenas. John Cena and Chris Benoit have ruined ''SmackDown!''. They appeal to the lowest common denominator, and I'm gonna upgrade the demographic here. I am gonna present ''SmackDown!'' to first-class high society, an all-American network presentation, under the leadership of Paul Heyman. You know and I know that this industry was founded on the puritanical values, the morals of the United States of America! The same morals, the same values that John Cena and Chris Benoit violate with their thuggery and their hip-hop, and their rap, so tonight, we're gonna change all that. Because tonight, Chris Benoit and John Cena will compete in that very ring against the team of Rhyno, and Matt Morgan, and The Big Show, the United States Heavyweight Champion, and Brock Lesnar, the WWE Champion! And I'm gonna be there ringside to watch these four men decimate John Cena and Chris Benoit and show the world that the very last person you ever wanna mess with is named Paul Heyman.
===January 29===
:'''Paul Heyman''': Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!''. ''[crowd boos]'' Tonight, on my show -- ''[Mr. McMahon's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': What the hell?
:'''Michael Cole''': Well we didn't expect Mr. McMahon here tonight. And he does not look happy.
:'''Tazz''': Cole, can you believe the mood is about to change. The chairman of the board is power walking his way to the ring.
:'''Cole''': Look at Mr., Mr. Heyman's expression. Paul Heyman looks shocked to see the, the owner of the company here!
:'''Mr. McMahon''': Well Mr. Heyman. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration. Tonight was to have been a night to have seen the winner of the 2004 Royal Rumble match walk down that aisle into this ring. Tonight was to have been a night of celebration for Chris Benoit in front of this crowd here in Washington, DC! ''[crowd cheers]'' That's not gonna happen, is it? That's not gonna happen, and why isn't is Chris Benoit gonna be here tonight? Unless my eyes clearly deceive me, I saw Chris Benoit being welcomed to ''Raw'' by Stone Cold Steve Austin last Monday night. Unless my eyes deceive me, I clearly saw Chris Benoit look into the eyes of Triple H and challenge him for the World title at WrestleMania. You see Mr. Heyman, what's happened is because of you. Because of you, Chris Benoit has jumped through what we call a legal loophole. You see, it says clearly the winner of the Royal Rumble will face the champion at WrestleMania, but it doesn't say which champion now, does it? And since you've made Benoit's life a living hell here on ''SmackDown!'', Benoit chose to jump through that legal loophole and is now the sole property of ''Raw''. And that's because of you, Mr. Heyman. So now, I would at least expect some sort of explanation for the ''SmackDown!'' audience. I would expect you, I would expect you to at least apologize to the ''SmackDown!'' audience. I'm sure you have something to day, don't you? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?!
:'''Heyman''': Well, I say SCREW CHRIS BENOIT! ''[crowd boos]'' Uh, I uh, yeah, I say screw Chris Benoit, and the reason why I say that Vince, is because it's exactly the same thing that Vincent Kennedy McMahon would say. When, when, when Nash and Hall left your company when you needed them most, did you just cry about it? No, you said SCREW NASH AND HALL! I'll give someone else the opportunity! When, when the almighty God himself, Hulk Hogan left your company, did you just curl up in a fetal position and die? No, Vincent Kennedy McMahon said SCREW HULK HOGAN! I'll give someone else the chance. When Bret Hart left your company, did you just cry over spilled milk? No, you said screw Bret Hart, and you did screw Bret Hart, didn't you Vince?
:'''McMahon''': Yes I did.
:'''Heyman''': And you screwed Bret Hart by giving someone else the opportunity to become the main event. The big star all the way to WrestleMania.
:'''McMahon''': Where, where's all this going? Come on, let's get to the point.
:'''Heyman''': Tonight, in our nation's capital, in the finest tradition of the United States, and in the finest tradition of your World Wrestling Entertainment, we are gonna give someone the opportunity, because tonight, for the first time ever on network television, right here in Washington, DC, ''[crowd cheers]'' Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!'' will present the Royal Rumble!
:'''Cole''': What?!
:'''Tazz''': Whoa.
:'''Cole''': The Royal Rumble?!
:'''Tazz''': What's he talking about?
:'''Heyman''': Fifteen ''SmackDown!'', no I'm, I'm I'm very much intact, Vince, fifteen ''SmackDown!'' superstars will come down that aisle, and only one man will emerge victorious. And Vince, that man won't have to wait until WrestleMania to face Brock Lesnar for the WWE title. No no no. The winner tonight will go on to face Brock Lesnar for the WWE title in less than three weeks at No Way Out. Now just so you know that I'm all business about this, Vince. Matt Morgan was in the Royal Rumble this past Sunday, you know that now he's on the injured list. Matt Morgan will be replaced tonight, his opportunity goes to a man that I don't like, Hardcore Holly.
:'''Cole''': Wow.
:'''Heyman''': Chris Benoit, remember? Screw Chris Benoit? Give his opportunity to somebody else? Tonight, Chris Benoit's opportunity goes to Eddie Guerrero!
:'''Cole''': Oh my!
:'''Tazz''': Wow!
:'''Heyman''': And Vince, look. Look Vince, I did my homework, I'm prepared. The way you like your executives to be. A professional man. Those two men, Hardcore Holly and Eddie Guerrero, will join in this very ring, your very ring, Vince. John Cena, The Cat, The A-Train, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, Nunzio, Kurt Angle, Bradshaw, Rhyno, Billy Gunn, Rikishi, Tajiri, and the seven-foot tall, 500 pound monster that dominated the Royal Rumble, like no man before him, tonight in this very ring, The Big Show! Now Vince, hey, this is your company. You're the chairman of the board, you're the majority stockholder. And you have every right to come out here and say, screw Paul Heyman! I'll give someone else the opportunity. Or you can share this vision, Vince. This is, this is after all just, just coming out of your vision. And you can see this, Vince. We can make history together tonight, Vince. Network television history right here in Washington, DC, we can do it all over again, and tonight in your very ring, and present a Royal Rumble! It's up to you Vince. What do you say?
:'''McMahon''': I say ''SmackDown!'' has a Royal Rumble!
:'''Cole''': All right!
:'''Tazz''': Yeah!
===February 19===
:'''Brock Lesnar''': I'm not even supposed to be here tonight. Paul Heyman told me that I could have the night off, but I just couldn't stay home. I have too much pride. That WWE Championship meant too much to me, I can't stay home. That championship was my life. Unlike Eddie Guerrero, who doesn't appreciate the damn thing at all. Eddie's probably, Eddie's probably gonna go out and, Eddie's probably gonna go out and pawn that thing off anyways. That's just how it is, and Eddie doesn't deserve that title. That title was everything to me. I mean, I'm an All-American kind of guy. I was a great WWE Champion and I don't understand why that you people can treat me like this. I can't believe it. I'm a great U.S. citizen. I'm an outstanding, I'm an outstanding guy. I'm an NCAA champion. I was, in my heart, I believe, the greatest WWE Champion in history. I mean, Eddie Guerrero, Eddie Guerrero is a lying, cheating, champion. That's exactly how Eddie won my title! Eddie Guerrero capitalized on Bill Goldberg! Eddie Guerrero STOLE MY TITLE! Eddie Guerrero might be the champion, but I guarantee it Eddie, your day will come and Brock Lesnar will become the WWE Champion once again. But, Bill Goldberg, I got a score to settle with you! It was because of you, Bill, is why I lost my WWE title! Because of you, Bill, my life hasn't been the same! Because of you, Bill, I can't sleep at night! Bill Goldberg, you're gonna feel the pain! Bill Goldberg, I'm gonna break you in half! That's what I'm gonna do, Bill! So Vince, Mr. McMahon, I know you're listening to me right now, and I know you're gonna see this, I don't care, I don't care what Stone Cold Steve Austin thinks. I don't care what Paul Heyman thinks. I don't care what Eric Bischoff thinks. Mr. McMahon, I'm begging you. I am begging you, Mr. McMahon. No wait, ''[Lesnar hesitates, then gets on his knees]'' Mr. McMahon, I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, please, please at Wrestlmania XX, I'm begging you, at Wrestlemania XX, give me Brock Lesnar versus Goldberg!
===March 11===
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': Orale, say hello to my little friend! Now before I have my match with Shelton Benjamin, I'd like to address Mr. Kurt Angle. ''[crowd boos]'' Orale Kurt, you're telling me that you didn't show up tonight homes, that you're not here. Do you really think I'm buying that, ese vato? I mean come on Kurt, come on out here homes! Orale vato loco! This is your chance, homes! I know you're back there, ese! This is your chance homes! What are you waiting for, I mean this is your opportunity to get rid of the Eddie Guerrero of the world. This is your chance to save ''SmackDown!'' homes. I mean come on bro, after all, I'm the only WWE Champion in the history, that encourages or sends out a message to kids to ''lie, cheat, and steal'' homes! This is your chance to play hero, Mr. Angle! Where are you ese? I get it homes. I get it. You got (bleep) ese. Yeah see Kurt, orale homes, all the talk that you do is exactly that ese. You talk. You talk about being justified. You talk about being holy. You talk the talk ese, but you don't walk the walk ese. Who do you think you're fooling ese? Do you think you're fooling them? Do you think you're fooling me? Kurt Angle, ''[crowd chants "Eddie"]'' Orale homes! I mean come on ese! I'm an addict! I'm a bad influence! This is your chance Kurt, to come and make things right! Stop being around a bush ese, and come out here and get your (bleep) kicked by Latino Heat! Yeah Kurt, this doesn't surprise me ese. You know Kurt, you've done a lot of talking, that's right, Angle does suck. You've done a lot of talking ese. But now Kurt, it's time to put up and shut up man. WrestleMania XX, you promise the world that you're gonna walk in WrestleMania XX and save ''SmackDown!'' and save WWE from Eddie Guerrero. Well I got one promise to you Kurt. After I beat you at WrestleMania XX homes, I promise I'm gonna lie more than ever, I'm gonna steal more than ever, and I'm gonna cheat more than ever! Orale, viva la raza!
===March 18===
:'''John Cena''': Yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo! Damn y'all are alive tonight! ''[crowd chants "Cena"]'' This is my home. This is where I'm from. Y'all are my peoples. Hell, I used to buy tickets for the ''old'' Boston Garden. I could only afford the cheap ones where I was sitting right behind the pole. But that's real, and we gotta kick this off real. Now is Beantown here to represent?
:'''Crowd''': Hell yes!
:'''Cena''': So let me hear the whole building make some noise! ''[crowd cheers]'' You see, uh, at WrestleMania, Big Show didn't think I was a fighter. I put him on an FU diet. He came out ten pounds lighter. The ''SmackDown!'' video games are only way he could me. I bring championships home like my name was Tom Brady. But there's some people out there, that think I disgraced this title's heritage. ''[crowd boos]'' That's 'cause your boy's causing more controversies than gay marriages. Cole, Cole, no offense bro, we still cool right? ''[Tazz laughs]''
:'''Michael Cole''': What?
:'''Cena''': All right bro. All right. Plus, the FCC is crackin' down on me too. ''[crowd boos]'' Man, those people suck! Just like the Yankees do. ''[crowd cheers, then chants "Yankees suck"]'' But I'm still throwin' the W up, changing the whole industry, I'm like the big dick bro. Nobody can finish me.
:'''Cole''': John Cena all fired up tonight.
:'''Tony Chimel''': And his opponent,
:'''Cole''': His first U.S. title defense, ''[Paul Heyman's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh whoa whoa!
:'''Cole''': Wait a minute, that's not Cena's opponent.
:'''Tazz''': The hell? ''[Paul Heyman comes out]''
:'''Cole''': That's our general manager, Paul Heyman. Leave it to Heyman to ruin a great homecoming.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. ''[crowd boos]'' The rumors are true. Brock Lesnar is no longer with Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!''. Brock Lesnar has left World Wrestling Entertainment. But for you John, that could be good news, because now that Brock Lesnar's gone, there's a whole world of opportunity for any ''SmackDown!'' superstar that wants to grab it. Which means you John, could be the new face of ''SmackDown!''. But it doesn't have to be that way. You see, this coming Monday, live in Detroit, Michigan, every ungrateful member of that Paul Heyman's ''SmackDown!'' locker room will be at ''Monday Night Raw'', including you John. And by order of the chairman of the board, Mr. McMahon, the representative of ''Raw'' is gonna pick out names. And if a member of the ''SmackDown!'' locker room happens to be one of those names, then that member of ''SmackDown!'' goes to ''Raw''. And if I, John, happen to pick out a name of a ''Raw'' superstar, then that ''Raw'' superstar gets drafted to Paul Heyman's brand new ''SmackDown!''. You see John, if I were one of the superstars, if I were in that locker room tonight, I would get down on my hands and my knees and I would pray to God that I get drafted to ''Monday Night Raw'' because those that get left behind are going to incur the wrath of Paul Heyman. So let me spell this out for you so that even you can understand it John. I'm very stressed out. I got stunned by Stone Cold because of that locker room, AND I WANT EVERY MEMBER OF MY LOCKER ROOM GONE! I WANT YOU OFF OF MY SHOW! YOU CONTEMPTIBLE PIECE OF BOSTON CRAP! ''[slaps Cena]''
:'''Cole''': Oh ho!
:'''Tazz''': Man.
:'''Heyman''': DO YOU HEAR ME?! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I'M FINISHED WITH YOU! I'm, I'm gonna -- ''[tries to hit Cena but Cena blocks]''
:'''Tazz''': Uh-oh! ''[Cena knocks out Heyman]''
:'''Cole''': And a right hand to the jaw of Heyman!
=== March 25 ===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': If you'll listen, I'll explain to you what happened last week. Because I really feel that I was horribly, horribly misunderstood. ''[crowd boos]'' Oh come on. If you'll just listen to me, you'll understand and you'll appreciate the fact that what I did was the right thing. You see, Ron Simmons, you don't understand, he's my best friend. He always has been. We've drank more beer, and we've been up more roads than most of you people ever imagine. So when Paul Heyman quit Monday night on ''Raw'', I knew this was my chance. I knew this was my chance to get Ron's job back. I knew this was my chance to make sure that the APA stayed in business. ''[crowd cheers]'' But I'm not gonna do that. ''[crowd boos]'' Listen, I'm explaining, please! I've got a lot more than just wrestling going on. I appreciate everything that Ron Simmons has done for me. I appreciate years and years of friendship. But I've got a portfolio that has beat the stock market seven out of the last seven years! That is phenomenal. I've got a financial book by Simon & Schuster out, and I'm writing another book right now on keeping America strong. I've got a radio show that starts May 1, we're gonna talk about politics. We're gonna talk about finances. You people are gonna love this radio show. I have become the top financial analyst on network TV. Fox News loves to have me on. I could not, I simply could not walk away from all that I've got.
:You people - get off your high horse! - you people would have done the exact same thing that I did, given the opportunity. If you'd have been in my shoes, which you're not, you people would have done the same thing. You see, it's time that you people quit listening to your little Sunday school fairy tales. It's time you start listening to a guy like Prince Machiavelli, who will tell you that there is no wrong and there is no right in society, that people do things because they want something back. There is simple cause and effect. You see, I understand that.
:That is why people like me are people that run businesses. People like me are people that run industries. People like me are people that run governments. I have - the only thing I sold was stock about two weeks ago before terrorism scared the market, and I made a hell of a lot of money, so you can stop the "you sold out" chants right now. I have always been smarter, I have always been better, and I have always worked harder than anybody else around me. That is why I have always been considered an impact player. My picture hangs in my old high school. My picture hangs in my old college. Look it up, it's a matter of history. I don't have to pad my résumé. Normal people are astounded by my résumé because normal people never let their dreams get beyond their front door because they are scared of failure. I have never been scared of failure, and I have never failed. I have succeeded in everything but one thing and that is wrestling. Because I thought it was more important to have a good time. To drink beer, to play cards, to visit our troops. What I wanna tell you something, that's good and fine, but that ain't got me jack. So something speaks to happen around here. You're fixing to see an impact. And if you know anything about history you know this: what I say I do, and what I do, I do very, very well. So get ready for the impact that's coming. Buckle your seats, boys and girls. Business is about to pick up.
===May 6===
:'''Michael Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, as we promised, from New York City, John "Bradshaw" Layfield. ''[crowd boos]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': You hear that response, Michael Cole? Do you? It's like somehow for some reason, those people there in your live audience think in some way, somehow I was responsible for what happened to Eddie Guerrero's mother?
:'''Cole''': Well Bradshaw, we have seen the footage. Let's just get right to the point. Why would you engage in such despicable actions on a night when Eddie Guerrero and his family were honoring the matriarch of the Guerrero family? What prompted you to commit such an act as to ''manhandle'' a woman of her age and cause her to have a heart attack?
:'''JBL''': Whoa whoa whoa right there. Manhandle? Pick your words a little more carefully. The only person I manhandled was Eddie Guerrero. I quietly, simply, and politely asked the old lady Guer -- Mrs. Guerrero to leave the ring so that I could finish my business with her little baby boy, Eddie.
:'''Cole''': Bradshaw, no disrespect, but "politely"? I didn't see anything polite about you causing a, a woman to have a heart attack.
:'''JBL''': Causing a heart attack? Watch your accusations Michael Cole. Now these people may like having 18 to 20 of them living in the same house. And that may be fine with them. But that doesn't mean you bring your ever little snot-nosed kid and 100-year-old grandmother into the ring. That is my place of business. It was not bring your family to work day. Eddie Guerrero had no right, ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT, bringing his family to the ring.
:'''Tazz''': Well I, John, Bradshaw, not for nothing I mean, don't you think you owe the Guerrero family an apology at the very least?
:'''JBL''': An apology?!
:'''Tazz''': Mrs. Guerrero, yeah.
:'''JBL''': You've got to be kidding me, Tazz! To who? To Eddie? To some elderly lady who's already outlived her days here on this Earth? Eddie Guerrero put his family in harm's way. That's his business. But if he does that, then he has to take responsibility. Eddie has to take responsibility for the circumstances and what happens, the consequences.
:'''Cole''': Well and Bradshaw, i - is that why you're not here tonight in Tucson? Because you don't wanna face the ''circumstances''?
:'''JBL''': You watch your mouth, Michael Cole. You hear me? There is a reason I'm in New York City. I am a businessman. I work for CNBC, the most respected financial news network in the world. That is why I'm in New York. You see if I was there, the hothead that Eddie Guerrero has proved that he is, would probably do something dumb. And he would get hurt. So what I'm doing is, I'm giving Eddie a reprieve. A gift. But next week I will be there. And May 16, at Judgment Day, Los Angeles, I damn sure will be there because that is the day, the very day, you mark it down, that John "Bradshaw" Layfield becomes the new WWE Champion. You know as a matter of fact Michael Cole, now that I think about it, I don't think the old lady had a heart attack at all. I think she faked every single bit of it.
:'''Cole''': You gotta be kidding me. Faking it?
:'''JBL''': Think about it Michael Cole, she's a Guerrero. She didn't teach her kid the ABC's. She taught him to lie, cheat, and steal. It was bred into him. A star was made into its purest form. I was bred for success. That's why you are interviewing me. I'm gonna come there and I can beat up Eddie Guerrero for free. But I'm gonna wait for the pay-per-view. You see, that's good business. That's smart business. My parents bred me for success. My people came to this country in a boat. Not an inner tube! Michael Cole, this interview, just like Eddie Guerrero's title reign, has ended.
=== June 10 ===
:''[John "Bradshaw" Layfield is disgusted at the unkempt appearance of the Nassau Coliseum and wants his limo driver to drive him back to New York City]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': A rich man don't work when a rich man don't want to. Let's go driver. I look way too good not to be in New York City tonight. Let's go! ''[signals intercom]'' Hey, let's go! ''[no response]'' Idiot! Who hired these morons ''[tries again and opens partition]'' Hey, moron, I said let's go! Take me back to New York City now!
:'''Driver''': New York City? ''[driver takes off his hat revealing it's Eddie Guerrero]''
:'''JBL''': Hey!! What are you..?
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': ''Órale'' Holmes! We ain't going to New York City, but we are going for a ride. And it's gonna be better than Disneyland, ''órale'' Holmes - hey, does this, have any any hydraulics? ''[presses button and partition goes back up]'' Yeah, ha, ''vato loco''.
:'''JBL''': What do you mean hydraulics?!?! Get me out of here, idiot, you're stealing my... ''[tries to pound windows and open the door, but they're all locked]''
:'''Guerrero''': ''[as JBL jabbers at the back]'' It's time! ''[drives off]''
===June 17===
:'''Paul Heyman''': So, the Dudley Boyz are the new WWE Tag Team Champions, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is thanks to the motivational skills of Paul Heyman. Now you should be happy that you got to witness that piece of history tonight, because one man did not get to witness it. That man is Paul Bearer, because Paul Bearer is in, shall we say, protective custody, which means, Paul Bearer missed it when history took a major, major turn. ''[footage from the previous week's episode of SmackDown! is shown]''
:'''Michael Cole''': This was last week on ''SmackDown!'', and I still cannot believe what happened. Paul Heyman gave The Undertaker a choice to make; join me or never see Paul Bearer again. And in my estimation, The Undertaker had no choice, but I still never thought I would see this.
:'''Tazz''': I was shocked as you were Cole. Everybody in Long Island there at the Nassau Coliseum was shocked. Everyone home, the ''SmackDown!'' fans were shocked. Right there you see, Undertaker bowing to the urn, bowing to Paul Heyman?
:'''Heyman''': Why? Why would The Undertaker bow down in servitude to a man like Paul Heyman? Because I control The Undertaker's conscience. I control the destiny of The Undertaker's conscience, and that conscience, ladies and gentlemen, is named Paul Bearer. ''[crowd chants "you suck"]'' It's not nice to antagonize a powerful man like me because you see, ladies and gentlemen, there will come a day where The Undertaker will realize that he should be loyal to me, simply based on my greatness. But in the meantime, I have to come to the realization that The Undertaker feels for Paul Bearer. The Undertaker cares for Paul Bearer. And that is a weakness of The Undertaker that I'm willing to exploit. Because ladies and gentlemen, even the big dog needs to be trained. So at The Great American Bash, I have arranged for The Undertaker to face, in a handicap match, the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the Dudley Boyz.
:'''Tazz''': What?
:'''Heyman''': But, but there's so much more. Because at The Great American Bash, ladies and gentlemen, I promise you The Undertaker will do the right thing. The Undertaker will do the right thing or he'll find himself in a situation that for you, is a must-see situation. I like to call it live free or die. ''[removes a covering revealing a coffin]'' You see, at The Great American Bash, there is going to be a crypt, represented tonight by this coffin right here. ''[opens the coffin]'' And this coffin tonight represents the crypt that I will have at The Great American Bash, and in that crypt, will be The Undertaker's conscience, Paul Bearer. And also at The Great American Bash, ladies and gentlemen, there will be a cement truck. Coincidentally, just like the cement truck that you see right here tonight in Chicago, Illinois. The Undertaker, at The Great American Bash, will do the right thing, or at my command, the cement will flow, and Paul Bearer will find himself in a most terrible situation. ''[the cement truck pours cement into the coffin, filling it up]'' Now ladies and gentlemen, much like when you go to a car dealership, and you drive a demo car, this is just a mere demonstration. Because at The Great American Bash, I am having a monstrosity built. First time ever you've seen anything like this. There will be a crypt that will be made out of 3-inch thick glass, and it will be yay tall, and inside that crypt will be The Undertaker's conscience, Paul Bearer. Now the reason why the glass is 3 inches thick all the way around and all the way up tall is so that each and every one of you can see in, but no one can bust Paul Bearer out. Now I promise you, at The Great American Bash, The Undertaker will do the right thing, or I will give the word, and that crypt will start to flow in the cement, and the cement will rise above Paul Bearer's legs, the cement will rise above Paul Bearer's torso, the cement will go all the way up to Paul Bearer's chin, and at that moment, I will say "stop". Because at that point, I promise you, The Undertaker will do the right thing. 'Cause I'm gonna wanna look at the pained expression on The Undertaker's face. I'm gonna wanna see emotion from the Deadman, and if The Undertaker doesn't do the right thing, I will give the word and the cement will go over Paul Bearer's mouth, it will go over Paul Bearer's nose, it will engulf his eyes, it will engulf his head, and right before your very eyes, ladies and gentlemen, The Undertaker's conscience will be suffocated and will be no more. Now that's at The Great American Bash. I also have a demonstration for you live here tonight. Because live here tonight, in Chicago will be The Undertaker. ''[crowd cheers]'' Who will bow down at the feet of greatness of Paul Heyman.
===July 1===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Thank you. Thank you very much. As our late great former President Ronald Reagan once said, it's morning again in America! It's the dawn of a new era. The John "Bradshaw" Layfield era. And I promise to this, to all of my fans. I will become the most popular WWE Champion of all time. I know, I know how America loves a winner. And America, I will give you that love back. I will shake hands with you, America. All of my fans. Of course I prefer a, nod of recognition for no other reasons than sanitary reasons of course, I mean, shaking hands, you can get germs, and honestly you don't want your champion getting sick now, do you? And for those of you who insist on shaking my hand, I want to tell you, don't be offended by the fact that I will take out a little hand sanitizer. ''[rubs his hands with hand sanitizer as the crowd chants "Eddie"]''
:'''Michael Cole''': The Eddie chants begin here in Fayetteville.
:'''JBL''': Because I want you to know folks, it's not personal. It's just personal hygiene. Because I will kiss your babies. As long of course if, if they don't smell bad, they don't spit up or they don't have runny noses. And I want you fans to get to know me, okay? I prefer to be called Mr. Bradshaw. But if you wanna be familiar with me, you can call me Champion. Or Champ! Because I am the WWE Champion. You see, after Ronald Reagan passed away, and John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King were taken from us, at such an early age, what you need America, is a champion. I am proud, I am proud to be your champion. So I don't mind you saying it, you can say it now if you want. JBL. JBL. Come on. JBL. JBL. JBL. Because that will inspire me, that will inspire me to be the fighting champion that I will be, unlike Eddie Guerrero. You see, I went into Kurt Angle's office and I looked him in the eye, and I said, Mr. Angle, I want a fight tonight. I don't want to rest to my morals as champion. I want to defend this WWE Championship, and not just against anybody, but against somebody who was at The Great American Bash. And I plan on defending this tonight. Right here. Right here in, right here in, ''[walks over to a ringside technician]'' right here in Fayetteville, North Carolina! And Mr. Angle told me that I can choose the person that I want to defend my championship against. As long as that person was not Eddie Guerrero. Because, quite honestly, I feel like Eddie's fallen off the wagon. Right now, Eddie's not here. If he were here, he'd walk in this ring like a man, shake my hand, and tell me the better man won last Sunday. But he won't do that, because Eddie Guerrero, right now, I'm sad to say is probably knee deep in a bottle of pills, or knee deep in a bottle of vodka. And it hurts me very very badly. It pained me to know that you had a champion that you people were ashamed of. Be ashamed no more, because the era of John "Bradshaw" Layfield has arrived. And I promise you this, I vow, no wait, I guarantee, I guaranteed victory at Judgment Day, and I guaranteed I would be the new WWE Champion at The Great American Bash. So I now guarantee to you, my fellow Americans, that I will be a champion that you can be proud of. Thank you, and God bless America.
=== July 22 ===
:'''Kurt Angle''': There has been a lot of talk about my actions last week on ''SmackDown!''. I have been called a liar, a con artist, and quite frankly, it hurts because you people have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I'm an extraordinary human being capable of doing extraordinary things. In case you forgot, I won an Olympic gold medal with a broken neck. And last week, when I saw Eddie Guerrero, who I despise, who brings shame and disgrace to this company, who was about to regain the WWE Championship, I sucked it up, set aside my pain, and did what I had to do to make sure it didn't happen. I did the impossible. Do I believe in miracles? Yes, I do. And sure, afterwards, I regressed, my doctors told me that my actions enabled me to further damage my knee. My therapists told me that I risked permanent paralysis. But it was worth it. It was worth it for the greater good, to maintain Kurt Angle's ''SmackDown!''. Where men are rewarded by morality. Where men, like John Cena, are stripped of the U.S. Championship. Where men, like John "Bradshaw" Layfield, stand tall as the WWE Champion. A ''SmackDown!'' where Eddie Guerrero becomes obsolete. That's right, Eddie! ''[hears "Eddie" chants]'' You see, Eddie Guerrero, what he did was wrong. But I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give Eddie Guerrero a chance tonight to keep his job because what he did, I could fire Eddie on the spot. But I'm a decent man, so I'm not gonna do that. But, there's one thing that Eddie Guerrero has to do. He has to come out here and he has to convince me to keep his job, provided that he begs for it. If Eddie Guerrero gets on his knees and begs in front of me for his job back, I promise, as general manager of SmackDown!, I will let him keep his job. But it's got to be good and it's got to be sincere. And I'll show you what I'm talking about. ''[Turns to Tony Chimel]'' Tony, would you come in the ring? And bring your microphone.
:''[Tony Chimel enters the ring]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': In case you don't know who this man is, this is our ring announcer and Philadelphia's own, Tony Chimel. ''[audience cheers]'' Mr. Chimel is a great significance to me because he was the ring announcer at my last match, WrestleMania XX. The match where Eddie Guerrero cheated to win. And the last image that keeps going over and over and over and over again in my head is Tony Chimel, with a smile on his face, announcing, "And the winner is Eddie Guerrero!" Now, Mr. Chimel, in case you didn't know, when you cheat, you don't win which makes you a liar. And in my book, that's immediate grounds for dismissal. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you saying I'm a liar? Is that what you're saying? No? I'll tell you what, Tony Chimel. I could fire you on the spot. But I'll tell you what. If you can convince me to keep your job, I'll let you have your job. Go ahead.
:'''Tony Chimel''': Kurt, I...
:'''Kurt Angle''': Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Knees. On your knees.
:'''Tony Chimel''': ''[getting on his knees]'' Mr. Angle, I sincerely apologize if I offended you in any way. Please, just let me keep my job. Please.
:'''Kurt Angle''': Are you kidding me? You call that begging? Say it like you mean it!
:'''Tony Chimel''': Mr. Angle, please. Please, I have a wife and three kids. I just... just wanna have my job, please.
:'''Kurt Angle''': All right, all right, all right. That was good. Much better. Actually, that was really good, but not good enough. Tony Chimel, YOU'RE FIRED! ''[audience boos]'' NOW, GET OUT OF MY RING! GO, NOW!
:''[Tony Chimel leaves the ring]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': I'm sorry, but Tony Chimel's not a very good beggar. But don't worry, people, because someone will be begging for their job tonight. And that man is Eddie Guerrero.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Funaki''': This is Funaki, ''SmackDown!'' number one announcer! Tonight, I'm here Kurt Angle's office reporting on the very special announcement. Okay, Kurt.
:'''Kurt Angle''': Excuse me, if you're done butchering my language, I brought you in here because finally, there's someone here on ''SmackDown!'', a superstar that I can be proud of, and his name is Booker T. Booker, will you please join me? ''[Booker T enters]'' Now, Book, you're everything I want in a superstar here on ''SmackDown!''. You're professional, you're a sharp dresser, and nothing would make me prouder than to present you with the United States Championship. ''[showing the United States Championship belt]''
:'''Tazz''': Wow.
:'''Booker T''': You're kidding me, right?
:'''Kurt Angle''': No. ''[lifting Funaki's arm]''
:'''Booker T''': You for real, dawg?
:'''Kurt Angle''': Oh, yeah.
:''' Booker T''': You talking about making me, Booker T, the United States Champion tonight? That's what you're saying, man.
:''[Booker T tries to take the belt]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Yes and no. Now, now, listen, Book.
:'''Booker T''': Come on, man.
:'''Kurt Angle:''' Technically, I can't do it just yet, but immediately after the show, I'm gonna have a meeting with the members of the board, and by next week, you'll be the new United States Champion. But tonight, just for old time sakes, I'm gonna let you hold the title.
:'''Booker T''': You're letting me hold the title?
:'''Kurt Angle''': Oh, it's true.
:''[Kurt Angle gives Booker T the United States Championship belt]''
:'''Booker T''': Hey, I appreciate that, Kurt Angle. ''[Kurt Angle applauds]'' Thank you, man.
:''[Booker T shakes Kurt Angle's hand]'':
:'''Kurt Angle''': You are welcome. You are welcome.
:'''Booker T''': I'm outta here, dawg.
:''[Booker T leaves the office]''
:'''Funaki''': Hey, Mr. Angle, that's not fair! That's not fair!
:'''Kurt Angle''': Not fair? You're telling me it's not fair? I'll tell you what's not fair. The fact that you're a broadcast journalist and you can't even say "broadcast journalist". Go ahead, try and say it.
:'''Funaki''': I'm a ''SmackDown!''...
:'''Kurt Angle''': No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not number one announcer, say "broadcast journalist".
:''[Funaki struggles to say "broadcast journalist" then Kurt Angle grabs the microphone]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': You know what? You're a disgrace to this microphone. You're a disgrace to my ''SmackDown!''. And, Funaki, I'll tell you what's fair, YOU'RE FIRED! ''[takes Funaki's microphone]'' Now, get out! What are you doing? Get out of my office!
:''[Funaki leaves the office]''
:'''Kurt Angle''': Unfair?
<hr width"50%/>
:'''Kurt Angle''': Ladies, before you begin, there's something I need to say. Now, I've taken a heart, the fact that you feel overlooked and underutilized and I have to say there's been a major misunderstanding. See, you say that you've been underutilized. Well, I say that you're plain useless. I mean, what purpose do you serve? Wrestling in your lingerie? Nobody wants to see that! What was I thinking? So, ladies, I'm gonna spare you the indignity of wrestling in your underwear or begging for your jobs because, as of now, you no longer have jobs. Ladies, the four of you... ARE FIRED!
=== September 9 ===
:''[as the lumberjack match between Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle has turned into a brawl involving all of the lumberjacks]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Hell has broken loose on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': It's breakin' down in Tulsa, baby!
:''[suddenly the pyro goes off and Big Show's music hits]''
:'''Michael''': Wait a minute!!
:'''Tazz''': What the hell-?
:''[The Big Show arrives]''
:'''Michael''': Oh, my God! The Big Show??
:'''Tazz''': Say it ain't so!
:'''Michael''': He wasn't scheduled to be here for two weeks!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show starts mowing down the lumberjacks outside of the ring]'': Oh my God! Oh!
:'''Michael''': Big Show is on the scene! The 500-pounder is cleaning house!
:'''Tazz''': What is Big Show - oh! - what's he doin' here?! ''[as Big Show lays out Scotty 2 Hotty with a punch to the head]'' Oh!
:'''Michael''': What a right hand!
:'''Tazz''': Bodies are just flyin' everywhere!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Big Show enters the ring]'': Can you believe it?
:'''Tazz''': I can see him, larger than life itself!
:'''Michael''': ''[as Big Show grabs Hardcore Holly]'': Look out, Hardcore!
:'''Tazz''': Uh-oh! What goes up, Cole...
:'''Michael''': Chokeslam!
:'''Tazz''': ...must come down!
:'''Michael''': D-Von Dudley!
:''[Big Show throws D-Von out of the ring, then does the same to Bubba Ray Dudley]''
:'''Tazz''': ''SmackDown!'' superstars are falling hard!
:'''Michael''': With one arm, Bubba tossed over the top rope!
:''[Spike Dudley then confronts Big Show]''
:'''Tazz''': The boss!
:'''Michael''': Okay, that's right, Spike!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show grabs Spike and lifts him over his head]'': Uh-oh! The boss met his match, I think!
:'''Michael''': Uh, Spike!
:'''Tazz''': Oh my God! Watch out!
:''[Big Show throws Spike right onto the other Dudleys outside the ring]''
:'''Michael''': Thanks for coming!
:'''Tazz''': Oh, my God!
:'''Michael''': The Big Show-
:''[Big Show then chokeslams John Cena]''
:'''Tazz''': Cena!
:'''Michael''': John Cena must've been 10 feet in the air!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show punches Rey Mysterio]'': Rey Myst - oh! - Rey Mysterio got smashed there!
:'''Michael''': Can you believe Big Show is a one-man wrecking machine?
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show grabs Charlie Haas and gives him a chokeslam]'': Now, Haas! Oh, man!
:'''Michael''': A chokeslam by the Big Show to Haas!
:''[Big Show then grabs Rob Van Dam]''
:'''Tazz''': Lookin' at Van Dam now!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Big Show knocks Van Dam down with another punch]'': What a right hand!
:'''Tazz''': The Big Show...
:'''Michael''': Big Show has cleared out, all 20...
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show chokeslams Rene Dupree]'': Oh man!
:'''Michael''': ...lumberjacks!
:'''Tazz''': I-I never saw nothin' like this - never seen anything like this before! This man is on a, a rage; he's ''in'' a rage. ''[Big Show grabs Nunzio and slaps him hard on the chest]'' My God!
:'''Michael''': There's carnage everywhere!
:'''Tazz''' ''[as Big Show punches Booker T]'': Look at this, look at this! I - ''[Nunzio leaps off the turnbuckle to Big Show, only for Big Show to catch him by the throat]'' - oh!
:'''Michael''': Watch out, Nunzio!
:'''Tazz''': Nunzio's done!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Nunzio gets chokeslammed]'': Oh, my...the ring shaking!
:'''Tazz''': Look at the Big Show!
:'''Michael''': Oh, my - Eddie, Eddie...
:''[Big Show then grabs Eddie Guerrero by the throat]''
:'''Tazz''': Watch out!
:'''Michael''': Eddie!...
:'''Tazz''': Oh, no! Latino Heat! Oh, man!
:''[Big Show chokeslams Guerrero]''
:'''Michael''': Oh! Wreckage strewn throughout this arena!
:''[Big Show then turns his attention to Kurt Angle, who is still down from Guerrero putting him in the ankle lock earlier; Angle pleads as Big Show beckons him over]''
:'''Tazz''': God! Oh, my God!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Angle slowly gets up]'': I have never seen one individual dominate like this!
:'''Tazz''': I agree. And now...
:'''Michael''': Everyone in the path of the Big Show has been destroyed! And now Kurt Angle trying to beg his way out of this.
:'''Tazz''': Kurt Angle's begging off and...what's gonna happen?
:''[Big Show finally grabs Kurt Angle]''
:'''Michael''': He's not cuttin' him any slack!
:'''Tazz''': Oh, I guess not! Oh, no, he's not!...
:''[Angle gets chokeslammed]''
:'''Michael''': A major chokeslam! An Olympic-sized chokeslam!
:'''Tazz''': I am telling you the Big - ''[suddenly Luther Reigns strikes the Big Show from behind]'' - oh, what the hell was that?
:'''Michael''': Look at Luther Reigns...
:'''Tazz''': Oh, uh-oh...
:'''Michael''': Luther Reigns from behind!
:'''Tazz''': Oh man, Luther! ''[as Reigns starts landing more blows on Big Show]'' Look at Luther!
:'''Michael''': Luther Reigns, trying to take it to the Big Show!
:'''Tazz''': He's trying to knock him down!
:'''Michael''': Luther Reigns with a, with another left hand!
:''[After a few more blows by Reigns, Big Show finally grabs him by the throat]''
:'''Tazz''': Ah, man! Oh, Luther Reigns!
:''[Big Show chokeslams Reigns]''
:'''Michael''': An accent from the Big Show! ''[Big Show yells at everyone in the ring as his music plays again, then raises his right hand in the air and screams]'' Big Show was scheduled to show up in two weeks' time! Obviously, he was in no mood for that! The largest athlete in the world is back, and more dominant than ever!
:'''Tazz''': Cole, nobody is safe! ''Nobody'' is safe!
:'''Michael''': Look at the wreckage! Look at the carnage! We didn't expect the Big Show for two weeks, but he's back! The Big Show is back!
:''[Big Show raises his right hand in the air and yells out again]''
:'''Tazz''': Nobody is safe. Oh, my God...
===September 16===
:'''Michael Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Kidman. ''[Billy Kidman's music hits and Billy Kidman comes out]''
:'''Tazz''': Well there's one half of the ''former'' WWE Tag Team Champions, Billy Kidman. Let's take you back three weeks ago here on ''SmackDown!'', ''[footage from the August 26 ''SmackDown!'' is shown where Kidman gave Chavo Guerrero a concussion from a Shooting Star Press]'' when Billy Kidman did the Shooting Star Press on Chavo Guerrero, and watch the knee into the side of the temple of Chavo Guerrero, and putting Chavo out of action and putting him in the hospital. And again that was from three weeks ago, ''[footage from the previous week's ''SmackDown!'' is shown, featuring Kidman and Paul London defending the WWE Tag Team Championship against Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree]'' but then this past, this last Thursday, last week, going for the Shooting Star Press again, and this match was defending the tag team titles, and Kenzo Suzuki's there and Chavo, just like a deer in the headlights, just couldn't do it. Just couldn't do it, got down off the ropes. Couldn't hit the Shooting Star Press. And what happened after that is history. Paul London, his partner, Kidman's partner left alone to defend the WWE Tag Team Champions against Kenzo Suzuki as Billy Kidman proves he was a straight up quitter. New tag team champions, Suzuki and Dupree.
:'''Cole''': Billy, last week, I'm sure you heard the boos, when you walked out of your uh, your tag team title matchup. ''[crowd boos]'' Billy not only did you turn your back on your longtime friend and your partner Paul London, but you also walked out on the tag team championship. And Billy let's face it. I mean, let's face it. You quit, didn't you?
:'''Billy Kidman''': First of all Cole, I'm not a quitter. And I resent you calling me one. Second of all, I didn't walk out on anyone. I was trying to prevent another injury.
:'''Cole''': So you're referring to the Shooting Star Press?
:'''Kidman''': Yeah Cole, I am. And let me take this opportunity to explain that I'm the most misunderstood superstar on ''SmackDown!''. Why can't you people understand that I'm not afraid to do the Shooting Star Press? I'm afraid of hurting people. And I hurt Chavo Guerrero. I stood on the top of that turnbuckle, jumped as high as I can, and I came down, full force, right on Chavo's face. I drove his head right into the mat. It is because of me that Chavo suffered a severe concussion. But by the grace of God, Chavo will be okay, and he'll still be able to provide for his family. Yet, I'm the quitter? I'm the bad guy for not wanting to do that to another human being? Do you people really want to see me do the Shooting Star Press? ''[crowd cheers]'' You really want to see me hit that move? ''[crowd cheers]'' Are you people that bloodthirsty that you want to see someone else get hurt like that? ''[crowd cheers]'' What kind of animals are you? ''[Paul London is in the ring]''
:'''Paul London''': Misunderstood? I know I sure as hell don't have any idea where you're coming from, Billy. I mean, if you weren't ready to compete last week, then why did you agree to defend the tag team championship? You'll come out here and do an interview for the whole world to hear, but you won't even talk to me! You walked out on me! It's because of you, we lost the tag titles. Now you can deny this all you want. But you quit! Now, what do you have to say?
:'''Kidman''': To you? Nothing. ''[London slaps Kidman]''
:'''Tazz''': Well, he deserved that, and more. And I think, I think they're gonna get it on and I don't blame London one bit. I wanna see this London and Kidman go here. ''[Kidman walks out of the ring]''
=== September 30 ===
:'''Kurt Angle''': In 1996, I promised to win an Olympic gold medal despite a broken neck. In 2000, I promised to win the WWE Championship in my first year of pro wrestling. And last week, I promised a ''SmackDown!'' moment, the likes of which has never been seen before. And just like every promise I've ever made in my life, I delivered. ''[clips from September 23 shown]'' You brought this on yourself, Show. At 7' tall, 500 pounds, you can throw most anyone off a balcony and get away with it, but I'm not just anybody. I'm Kurt Angle and you don't do what you did to Kurt Angle without there being some serious consequences. The second you threw me down to the ground, the second you threw me to the ground, and my legs snapped in two, I swore retribution. And last week, I got it. I humiliated you, Show. I knocked you out, I shaved your head, and as a bonus, I got a great photo to put on all my Christmas cards this year. Take a look. ''[picture showing Kurt Angle humiliating Big Show]'' I did what everyone here has dreamed about doing, I took the big bad bully who took out an entire roster and I humiliated him like he's never been humiliated before. And I look at this crowd, I see a lot of people here that seem like they were picked on in life. And to all of you that would like to take this time to express your admiration, please feel free to do so now. ''[audience boos]'' America's heartland, pure class. I don't expect you people to recognize greatness, but there are two people who do. Two men that I have personally selected to mold and groom into my image that will be standing in my corner at No Mercy when I end the Big Show once and for all, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak.
===October 14===
''[The ''SmackDown!'' roster is gathered in the locker room]''
:'''Theodore Long''': Excuse me gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, the reason I've called you all here tonight because I know you all have heard the rumors regarding John Cena. But I'm here to dispel those rumors and to set the record straight. John Cena will not be here tonight, and it's questionable when John Cena will return to action. Now, I wanted to respect John Cena's request in keeping this matter private, but since it has already been discussed several days ago on ''Raw'' without my knowledge, that I'm here to let you know everything that I know. Now last week after leaving ''SmackDown!'', John Cena was involved in a melee at an after hours club. Now among other injuries, John Cena received several puncture wounds. Now one of the puncture wounds was to a vital organ.
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': Vital organ?
:'''Long''': One of his kidneys. Now I talked to the doctors, and they have informed me that a tremendous amount of damage was done, but they're fighting hard, and they're fighting hard every day to save his kidney. So the difficult task that faces me now is I have to move ''SmackDown!'' forward. Oh and by the way, John Cena, I received a message from him letting me know that the show must go on. And the hardcore fact of the matter is, is that this situation leaves an open question? Who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship? ''[the roster starts demanding to be named the number one contender]'' Gentlemen. Gentlemen, ladies, here's what it's going to be tonight. Here's what it's going to be tonight. Tonight, we will have an open invitation battle royal to determine who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship. Now are there any questions? If not, thank you all for coming, and gentlemen, good luck out there tonight.
:'''Carlito''': Excuse me Teddy. You know those hip hop guys like Cena? They're nothing but thugs. Sooner or later, this was bound to happen. That's not cool.
===November 18===
:'''John Cena''': The champ is back! ''[crowd cheers]'' And we right here in Dayton, Ohio! And tonight, your boy's gonna win back the United States title. Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito. He thinks he's the man, he got a little swagger, he got the walk, the talk, he's very cool. Thinks he's man enough to steal my chain. Sneak away with the title that y'all know means everything to me. Oh and check this one out! This dude's man enough to see that I'm taken care of at a nightclub. Taking this away from me. So tonight, Carlito, we gonna see if you man enough to go face to face with the franchise and still handle your business. ''[crowd chants "Cena"]'' You see, Carlito's been ducking me. But not as nowhere else to go boy. I'm about to put a whippin' on the Pillsbury fro boy. Walking out here talking like he's cool, but y'all people don't believe it yet. How is Carlito cool? He looks like a freakin' Chia pet. Hey you know what? I'm not cool. Because John Cena's on fire! A word of advice tonight before we fight, you should retire. The way he walks, the way he talks, ''[spits]'' spitting out his fruit and vegetables, I kick you so hard, you'll be chokin' on your testicles! And bring Jesus out with you! He's no bodyguard, he's fillin' space! He's so soft, he lost a fist fight to the dude from ''Will & Grace''! You embarrass me once, now it's time for the tides to switch. 'Cause everybody here knows payback is a bitch.
=== December 9 ===
:''[The Cabinet has found JBL's limo with no wheels and on blocks. JBL fumes at the sight and they are all stunned to see Eddie Guerrero on the ring with one wheel]''
:'''Eddie Guerrero''': JBL! JBL! ''Olare'' Holmes! I saw what just happened to your ride! That sucks man! Now I know you're probably back there thinking this is not my lucky day, but I got news for you Holmes,
:'''JBL''': ''[overlap]'' That tire's mine, give it back!!!
:'''Guerrero''': ...your luck has changed for the better. I just happened to know someone here in Greenville, South Carolina, that could get you a great deal on a set of wheels, ''olare''!
:'''JBL''': You have stolen my property ''[to Orlando Jordan]'' and that is thievery. That's a felony!
:'''Orlando Jordan''': It's right! It's right!
:'''Amy Weber''': Who takes wheels?!?
:'''Guerrero''': It's such a great deal, Holmes. Well, let me put it to you this way. You could even say, it's a real... steal.
:'''Jordan''': I cannot believe this, I cannot believe this.
:'''JBL''': It's a felony!
:'''Guerrero''': Now don't get upset Holmes, I know you're back there, I see you, you're back there crying, throwing a fit, really upset... But I got a little bit of advice: save those tears for Armageddon, the end of YOU, JBL!! 'Coz remember something, Holmes, you have something that belongs to me, Latino Heat and that's the WWE Championship. ''O Viva mi raza!''
:'''JBL''': ''[during Guerrero's last few words]'' This is mine, you will not get it from me!!!
== 2005 ==
=== January 13===
:'''Michael Cole''': The Bashams stole the damn titles!
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here are your winners and the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the Basham Brothers.
:'''Tazz''': JBL's co-secretaries of defense are now the new WWE Tag Team Champions.
:'''Michael Cole''': You gotta be kidding me!
:'''Tazz''': Oh, it's a reality, Cole.
:'''Michael Cole''': The guts that Rey Mysterio showed in this matchup, and he was a split-second away from winning the thing and the Bashams pulled a damn switcheroo.
:'''Tazz''': Well, shades of last week, they pulled that switcharoonie last week on Van Dam, Doug and Danny, they just did it tonight, and tonight they capitalized big time by getting the tag team titles.
:''[replay shows]''
:'''Michael Cole''': And look at Rey Mysterio, a moment away in my mind from perhaps keeping the tag team titles.
:'''Tazz''': There's the switch. That was the switch right there.
:'''Michael Cole''': But the Bashams with the switch and then the sit-out powerbomb. New tag team champions but you gotta give it up for Rey Mysterio. His partner injured and dragged out of the arena. Mysterio still tried to hang on.
:'''Tazz''': Rey did. I mean, hats off to Rey Mysterio. Hope Van Dam's physical condition of his knee is OK. Rey was caught between a rock and a hard place, but at the end of the day...
:''[JBL and the Cabinet come to celebrate the Basham Brothers tag team championship win]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh, please. I'm gonna be sick.
:'''Tazz''': Chief of Staff, look at this. Big party down, new tag team champs in the Cabinet. Wow.
:'''Michael Cole''': So, JBL has the WWE gold. The Bashams, the tag team gold. Just what the Cabinet needs: more gold around their waist. Now we're gonna have to live with this.
===January 27===
:''[John "Bradshaw" Layfield and Kurt Angle have battled to a draw in a Last Man Standing match as Theodore Long watches backstage]''
:'''Theodore Long''': Thanks dog, for giving me the idea of this match. ''[Big Show is standing behind Long]''
:'''Big Show''': Kurt. JBL. Come on, wake up! Get up! Over here! Look over here! Kurt Angle, down and out. JBL, down and out. What was it you guys said a couple weeks ago? What was it? I love it when a plan comes together? Boys, I will be at the Royal Rumble. And believe me, I will be the next WWE Champion.
=== February 10 ===
:'''Kurt Angle''': Listen up, guys. This is a very big night for all three of us. My road to main event in my third straight WrestleMania begins right here tonight. When I make Rey Mysterio tap in this tournament match, and I will, I just wish someone here would've soften them up last week when I asked them to.
:'''Mark Jindrak''': Look...
:'''Angle''': Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no excuses. Nonetheless, when I beat Rey Mysterio tonight, I'm going straight to the finals at No Way Out, baby, and thanks to my boys, you guys made sure there wasn't a winner in the Undertaker match, which means I don't have a semi-final match. I'm going straight to the finals. You guys make me proud, I love you guys.
:'''Luther Reigns''': Look, Angle, what we did last week, that was nothing. I'm sick every time Undertaker's name being mentioned around here, all these punks bowing down. Well, Luther Reigns, he don't bow down to nobody.
:'''Angle''': You damn right.
:'''Reigns''': Hell, even that looney tune Heidenreich, he got a whacked out when he seen them caskets. I mean, he's already whacked out, what am I saying?
:'''Angle''': Wacko.
:'''Reigns''': Look, Angle, I've had my throat cut ear to ear. I've been shot. I've been stabbed in a prison riot. I was locked down 23 hours a day, 7 days a week for 5 calendars. 5 calendars, Angle. I've had so much blood on me, you couldn't even tell what color my skin was. I've stared death in the eyes more times than I can remember. So when it comes to the Undertaker, I ain't scared of no caskets, and I damn sure ain't scared of no deadman.
:'''Angle''': Now, that's the intensity I want. That's the intensity that's gonna bring home the gold tonight. You guys are gonna go out there and you're gonna win the WWE Tag Team Championships from the Bashams. You got it? Now let's go do it!
:'''Reigns''': Damn right.
:'''Angle''': That's right, you're damn right.
:'''Reigns''': Let's roll, Jindrak.
=== March 3 ===
:'''Michael Cole''': And look at this! ''[JBL whacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt]'' JBL with the championship off the skull of John Cena! The referee never saw it! The damn champion with the title off the skull of Cena! ''[Orlando Jordan crawling to Cena to cover him]'' Orlando Jordan crawling toward the cover! Not this way! ''[the referee makes the count]'' Not this way! Dammit!
:''[bell rings]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here is your winner and the new United States Champion, Orlando Jordan!
:'''Michael Cole''': You gotta be kidding me! This whole "Cabinet leaving" garbage was a damn joke!
:'''Tazz''': Hooked us! Hook, line, and sinker! Hooked everyone, you, me, everybody here! JBL, like it or not, the man's a damn genius! We thought he split the arena! We thought he left!
:'''Michael Cole''': Uh-uh.
:'''Tazz''': A new United States champ? Wow!
:'''Michael Cole''': A masterful plan, hatched by the champion, JBL, to take the United States Championship from John Cena. JBL and his Cabinet, with a diabolical scheme tonight, to take the title from Cena. Orlando Jordan is the new United States Champion.
=== March 10 ===
:'''JBL''': Every single week! Every single week, we have done something so freakin' awesome that we have to come out here and let you relish in our greatness! And this week is certainly no different. I never get tired of this. This week, we're gonna celebrate a man who exemplifies what the Cabinet stands for: greatness, dignity, courage, respect. A man who, last week, single handedly, by himself, one-on-one, mano y mano destroyed John Cena! That man is your United States Champion, the greatest athlete in ''SmackDown!'' history, Mr. Orlando Jordan!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting] CENA!''
:'''Michael Cole''': The "Cena" chants begin.
:'''JBL''': I understand Virginia is a little backward, but you're chanting for the loser. Chant the winner's name, OJ. You see, because there's a lot about OJ you don't know. OJ grew up with many brothers and many sisters. OJ grew up in the inner city. OJ realized at a young age that he could be like you people out here and that he could be paying to see me. OJ didn't want that, so he did the right thing. He turned his back on his family. He turned his back on his inner city. He wanted greatness in his life, and here he stands right now, your United States Champion, with you people out there, him in here! And tonight, you will see that greatness has no bounds. Tonight, you will see all the gold come to the Cabinet. You see, I'm a wrestling god, and gods must be adorned with gold. So tonight, Rey Mysterio, you and Eddie Guerrero... tonight, you will face the Cabinet. And tonight, you will see why we are successful and you are not, because we hold ourselves to a standard that you cannot possibly fathom! We hold ourselves to a standard that is so high, most of you never see it. Tonight, you will realize what is class and what is not, and why common people never stand here with championships.''[Turns to Orlando Jordan]'' What is that thing you're carrying?
:'''Orlando Jordan''': Why, JBL, I believe this is what John Cena used to call ''[spins the plate on the belt]'' his United States Championship title.
:'''JBL''': Looks to me like some little bling-bling sideshow, like a hubcap that these kids, instead of putting money in their education, put on their cars. That, I find disgusting. That, for the time-honored tradition of sports entertainment, must be destroyed. The Bashams, the Secretaries of Defense, would you please do me a favor and get the trash can and the stairs, please?
:''[The Bashams bring the top half of the ringside steps into the ring and place a trash can in front of it]''
:'''Michael''': "Trash can and stairs"? What's going on?
:'''JBL''': You people are about to understand why it is sometimes good for America that the rich keep the common down.
:'''Michael''': Bashams brought stairs in the... now there's a trash can.
:'''JBL''': That belt right there is everything I find reprehensible, everything I ''hate'' about John Cena! He has taken a time-honored tradition like the United States Championship and he has made it into a sideshow freak ride! For that, that must be destroyed, just like at WrestleMania, John Cena will not only be destroyed but he will bow at the feet of greatness! John Cena talks about street cred? I own the damn street! ''[Orlando hands the belt to JBL, who lays it into the trash can and takes a remote from Danny Basham]'' Just like your career, Cena...''[JBL turns one switch on the remote]'' up...in...smoke.
:''[He turns the second switch, which triggers an explosion inside the trash can]''
:'''Tazz''': WHOA!
:'''Michael''': You've gotta be kidding me. Cena's championship was in there.
:'''JBL''': Orlando, that piece of trash was destroyed. I had something flown in from WWE Headquarters, the WWE Vault, worthy of you. ''[Doug Basham holds out a briefcase, which JBL opens and takes out the traditional United States Championship]'' Ladies and gentlemen, to a great American. To a man with class, something with class. The greatest athlete in ''SmackDown!'' history. ''[He hands the title over to Orlando]'' Give it up for Orlando Jordan, your United States Champion! ''[Orlando and JBL stand on the steps hoisting their respective titles high]'' Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you your United States Champion, Orlando Jordan, your future Tag Team Champions, and the WWE Heavyweight Champion, John "Bradshaw" Layfield!
===March 24===
:''[John "Bradshaw" Layfield and John Cena are having a debate with Theodore Long moderating]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Now Teddy Long, I want you to explain to him the rules you made last week are still in effect. If you touch me, you lowlife SOB, you lose your chance to face me at WrestleMania! Tell him Teddy! Tell him!
:'''Theodore Long''': That's right, JBL. Now Cena, if you lay a hand on JBL, you will lose your opportunity to face JBL for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania.
:'''Tazz''': That's not fair.
:'''Long''': But however, JBL, if you physically provoke John Cena, then he has the right to retaliate.
:'''Michael Cole''': Now that is fair.
:'''Long''': Now, now what that means if you strike John Cena, then John Cena can strike back. Ya feel me? So it is time for the debate. Now there are three questions, and the first question is for you, JBL. Now, what makes you believe you're more qualified to be the WWE Champion?
:'''JBL''': First of all, Theodore, I would like to thank you, and I would like to thank all of ''SmackDown!'', and I would like to thank all of the great fans right here in Memphis, Tennessee, for holding this debate. Go Grizzlies! And I would like to answer the question. What makes me deserve to be a champion more than my opponent, John Cena. You see, America needs heroes, and I have filled that role. I have vanquished all my opponents, and I have become stronger by doing it. I am the ideal American success story from a great family, independently wealthy from a great school. I have a reason for all you people to look up to ''SmackDown!'' because of me. And I understand there's a champion on the other show that says that he is a ten-time world champion. What that means to me is, he lost nine times. I am the only champion in the history of professional wrestling that has never lost this championship! I have held this championship longer than anybody in over ten years! Including that same guy on the other show. That, Teddy Long, is why I deserve, and why I am what I say I am, a wrestling God.
:'''Long''': John Cena, same question.
:'''John Cena''': Before I can even answer that question, what makes me more qualified to be champ, I gotta turn that back around you, because you're, you're some sort of "wrestling God", I mean, you've been, you're the champ, nah, you've been champ for quite a long time. You're independently wealthy, a huge success story. Why would someone as successful as you drive to the ring in a broke-down ''[beep]'' limosuine?
:'''Tazz''': What?
:'''Cena''': Why? Why?
:'''JBL''': There's nothing wrong with that limosuine!
:'''Cena''': Hey man, hey don't sugarcoat it. Let's go take a look. ''[Cena gets out of the ring and approaches JBL's limosuine]'' I mean, uh, first things first homey. ''[Cena punches a spike into one of the limo's tires, flattening it]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh whoa whoa!
:'''JBL''': TEDDY LOOK WHAT HE DID TO MY CAR!
:'''Cena''': You got a flat tire. Huh? Huh, you the champ! How you gonna ride in a limo with a flat tire man?
:'''JBL''': THAT IS VANDALISM! YOU SHOULD BE THROWN IN JAIL! TEDDY LONG, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, YOU'RE THE GENERAL MANAGER!
:'''Long''': Hey! Hey, he's not touching you. He hasn't laid a hand on you.
:'''Cena''': I'm just -- I'm, I'm just statin' the facts, playa! And, and the, the paint job, man. What's up with the paint job? Come out in this bust-''[beep]'' limo with a flat tire and the scuffed up paint. I can't even believe you didn't catch that!
:'''JBL''': There's nothing wrong with that paint job, Cena.
:'''Cena''': Nah man, you ain't looking at it right. ''[pulls out a can of spray paint]''
:'''Cole''': Oh no.
:'''Cena''': You see, when I look at it, ''[spray paints "JBL SUCKS" on the side of the limo]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh God, oh!
:'''JBL''': WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! You're a, you're a punk criminal!
:'''Cena''': I see a limo that says JBL sucks! JBL sucks! Dude, JBL is you! You drove out here in a limo that says JBL sucks!
:'''JBL''': THAT'S A $200,000 CAR!
:'''Cena''': You know, ''[crowd chants "JBL sucks"]'' you know, between that limo fiasco and this hostile crowd here in Memphis, ''[crowd cheers]'' if I was you I'd, well I'd just do somethin' about that.
:'''JBL''': You better show me some respect you...
:'''Cena''': You gonna hit me?
:'''Long''': Hey, JBL.
:'''Cena''': You gonna hit me, you gonna do somethin'? Go on. Go on, throw a punch.
:'''Long''': Hey.
:'''Cena''': Go on, throw a punch here, big daddy! Come on!
:'''Long''': You can do something if you want to.
:'''JBL''': I'm ready for the next question.
:'''Long''': Well, then let's move on.
:'''Tazz''': JBL's holding his cool.
:'''Long''': JBL, how important is one's social and economic upbringing in being a champion?
:'''JBL''': Apparently it's real damn important! Look at what that criminal just did to my car! You see, there's a reason that punk criminals like him, the only way he makes it to my car, is if you drive me! There's a reason that people like you are kept down by the rich, 'cause that's what's better for America! You mock what you don't understand, and quite honestly, you're jealous, because the only way you know you'll have money like me is if you win the lottery, or you turn to crime! So I'll tell you what, at WrestleMania, I'm gonna turn to crime too. I'm gonna rob you of your dreams. I'm gonna rob you of your hopes, and I'm gonna rob you of your dignity when I make you, you Cena, BOW DOWN and worship at the feet of a wrestling God!
:'''Long''': John Cena, you're up playa.
:'''Cena''': Sounds like somebody crapped in your Cheerios this morning, homey. But, but you got a point. I mean, uh, this whole economic thing, maybe I, maybe I just lost my head. I guess what you're trying to say is I got, I got no respect, you know, for the championship.
:'''JBL''': You got no class!
:'''Cena''': I got no class, I mean, look at how I'm dressed, I guess. I mean, I mean I think I'm doing all right, are we good or what? ''[crowd cheers]'' But whoa wait wait wait, don't put your panties in a bunch. There're some people that think we should act a certain way, that we should dress a certain way, so, I'm a man of peace. I mean, we can probably solve all this if we just wore a suit and tie, right? ''[crowd boos]''
:'''JBL''': You would look a lot better in a tie. Right now you look like a piece of crap!
:'''Cena''': Well, let me see, I'd look better in a tie. ''[takes out a pair of scissors]'' Let's just see if that works.
:'''JBL''': Hey hey hey, Teddy! You can't touch me! You, you, WrestleMania. You lo-- ''[Cena touches JBL's tie with the scissors, then cuts the tie off his shirt]''
:'''Cena''': So a tie would look better huh? ''[puts the tie on]'' Oh no, I feel like a manger in this, this feel sucks! ''[throws the tie]'' Oh, but oh dog, that was, that was yours, and after the, after the car thing, oof! And the tie, you're probably pretty mad right now, huh? You probably wanna do somethin' don't ya? Maybe throw a punch? Maybe hit me? If I hit you, I can't go to WrestleMania, but uh, then again, I'm not the one looking like a total jerk so maybe, ''[JBL removes his jacket]'' you know maybe you wanna do something about it.
:'''Cole''': Uh-oh.
:'''Cena''': Maybe, maybe you wanna throw a punch. ''[closes his eyes and tries to get JBL to attack him, but JBL refuses]''
:'''JBL''': No. No, I'm not playing your games. You do not outthink the master. At WrestleMania, you will have all you want. But till then, son, play your stupid games.
:'''Long''': John Cena, the next question is for you. Now, I wanna ask you this playa. What do you need --
:'''Cena''': What do I need to do to get this punk ''[beep]'' over here to swing at me? Well now, that's an important question. And one I think we need to address. What if right here right now, I prove the wrestling God, the champion of champions, a man of class, JBL to be nothing but a liar?
:'''JBL''': I don't lie!
:'''Cena''': Oh hey hey hey, have faith in your boy, I can pull it off. Now, mon senior Theodore Long, watch closely. 'Cause I'm not gonna touch you, y'all.
:'''JBL''': You better not touch -- ''[Cena removes JBL's hat]''
:'''Cena''': But I am gonna touch your ten-gallon hat. Oh yo, this is nice dude. This is-- ''[puts the hat on his head]'' No, this ain't exactly my style or nothing but I mean, you can tell the craftsmanship, everything is there is it? Is this Gucci?
:'''JBL''': It's a thousand-dollar Stetson.
:'''Cena''': Okay then we know that this is probably a ten-gallon hat right?
:'''JBL''': I hate you.
:'''Cena''': Uh uh.
:'''JBL''': I hate you, you --
:'''Cena''': I'll take that as a yes, ten-gallon hat. Well let's do something. Let's see how many gallons this hat's gonna hold. ''[grabs a pitcher of water]''
:'''Tazz''': That's a thousand-dollar hat! ''[Cena pours water into the hat]''
:'''Cole''': Oh my!
:'''Long''': He's not touching you. ''[Cena grabs another pitcher of water and pours the water into the hat]''
:'''Cena''': Dude that ain't even close to one gallon. That means your ''[beep]'' ass is a liar. Oh by the way, I'm done with your hat, you can have it back. ''[puts the water filled hat on JBL's head, drenching him]'' Oh! Oh! OH NO! Look at you man, you look like you done had an accident all over yourself. They, they make diapers for that sort of stuff, I mean, you got problems with how they, oh look at you!
:'''JBL''': I'm gonna kick your ''[beep]'' at WrestleMania.
:'''Cena''': You gonna show me what you're gonna do at WrestleMania?
:'''JBL''': At WrestleMania, I'm gonna --
:'''Cena''': Then show me what you gonna do at WrestleMania! Come on! Right here, you throw a punch and I swear I will knock the hell out of you! ''[crowd chants "Cena" but JBL doesn't attack Cena]'' You ain't gonna do nothing are ya? ''[laughs]'' Just like I thought. But I bet you stand there thinking that you're uh, clever for not playing my games. You look ridiculous. And as clever as you think you are, ''[pulls out a can of yellow spray paint]'' well I think you're something else.
:'''Cole''': Now what? ''[Cena goes behind JBL]''
:'''Cena''': ''[shakes the spray paint can]'' I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. ''[spray paints a yellow line on the back of JBL's shirt]''
:'''Cole''': Oh my God!
:'''Tazz''': This is ridiculous! ''[JBL angrily turns around]''
:'''Cena''': You know what? You know what? Seeing the world that I come from, and the world that we come from, there's people who talk about it, and then there's people who be about it. WrestleMania 21, ''[pulls out a can of red spray paint]'' let me give you a little preview of what's gonna happen to you. ''[spray paints "F-U" on the front of JBL's shirt]'' A-ha!
=== April 7 ===
:'''John Cena''': The champ...is here. JBL, Wrestling God, longest running WWE Champion in the last decade, has survived the Triple Threat match, the Fatal Four-Way match, has beat The Undertaker, beat Eddie Guerrero in a steel cage, and then again in a Texas Bullrope match, survived The Big Show in a Barbed Wire Steel Cage match. But the champ is here. ''[crowd chants "Cena!"]'' I'm supposed to be a thug. I don't talk like a champion. They say I don't, I don't fit the dress code, but I think I'm doing alright. It's been said that I'm not a superstar because I'm putting myself on the same level as the people I fight for. This one's good. I have no respect for this business and I have no respect for its championships. You see, when I uh, modified the United States Championship, apparently, wrestling traditionalists and JBL got a little offended. Well I got news for you. Take a look. Take a last look at your ''[holds WWE Championship]'' coveted prize, because if you think what we did to the U.S. title was disrespectful, hell you better lock the dog at the country club! Because the champ is here! ''[crowd chants "Cena" as Cena approaches the crowd]'' Listen. You hear that? I said, do you hear that? ''[crowd cheers as Cena walks into the audience]'' Look around! This is what we do! ''[crowd cheers]'' So it don't matter if you're Booker T, Kurt Angle, Big Show, JBL, hell it don't matter if you're the Brooklyn Brawler, Iron Mike Sharp, SD Jones or Steve Gatorwolf, our time is now! This is the Chain Gang! And we ain't hard to find. You want some, come get some, because the champ is here!
=== May 12 ===
:''[Eddie Guerrero arrives and sits on a chair in the middle of the ring, one week after turning on Rey Mysterio]''
:'''Eddie''': You know...all over the country, people have been asking me, "Why, Eddie, why? Why did you do to Rey Mysterio, what you did to him, last week?" Plain and simple, I gave him what he wanted. He wanted a fight, I gave him a fight! I gave him the fight of his life! And do you think that makes me happy?? ''[looking at Rey's bloody mask which he kept from the previous week]'' DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME...HAPPY?! I didn't want to do it, Rey, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO IT?! ''Por qué''? It's your fault!! ''Es tu culpa'', Rey! ''[the crowd starts an "Eddie sucks" chant]'' I never wanted to lay a hand on you! And look what you made me do! But you know what, Rey? Blessings come in disguises, ''ese''. You see, I realized something last week, homes. My eyes were open. And I realized what you were doing. And not only you... ''[standing up and addressing the audience]'' ...ALL of these people. ''[the crowd boos]'' I realized, that each and every one of you, were living vicariously through me! You were stealing my passion, my love, my energy! You were stealing my Latino Heat! But as of last week...not anymore, 'cause I got it back! I got it ALL back! And I like it! I like what I'm feeling, Rey. ''[sitting back down in the chair]'' So I got a little piece of advice for you, homes. See, nothing and no one is going to ever, ever, take away my Latino Heat again! So I want you to listen, real close. ''[camera zooms in closer on Eddie]'' Come in, a little closer. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!! ''Quiero que piensas'', I want you to think, think of your family. Aalyah and Dominik, your son and your daughter. Don't make me...hurt them, Rey. Don't make me...hurt their daddy again, ''ese''! Don't make me...take...away...their ''papá''! 'Cause I promise you this, ''ese'': you promised to make your return at Judgment Day...I advise against it. You return at Judgment Day, remember...right now, I have your blood on my hands. At Judgment Day, if you come back, I'll have your life!
<hr width=50%/>
:''[later on that night, after getting disqualified for hitting a brain buster on Jimmy Jacobs, whom Eddie made wear Rey's mask, on a steel chair]''
:'''Eddie''' ''[ripping Rey's mask off Jimmy and addressing it again]'': Judgment Day, it's mine, baby! You better not show up on Judgment Day, or your kids aren't gonna have a daddy! ''Órale''!!
===May 26===
:'''Kurt Angle''': This is a dark time in the life of your Olympic hero. You see, at Judgment Day, not only did I lose to an inferior man to me, Booker T, but I was also embarrassed by his gutter-(bleep) wife, Sharmell. And I am ashamed of that. It was a joke. But it's not the only joke going on around here. Apparently Vince McMahon was sitting in his office one day, and he asked himself, how can I flush a bunch of money down the toilet and disgrace everything that wrestling stands for? I know. Bring back ECW. Now that's a freakin' brilliant idea. ''[crowd chants "ECW"]'' ECW can kiss my (bleep). See people, I know wrestling! I eat, sleep and breathe wrestling, and ECW is not real wrestling. ECW is garbage! Oh I know, I know firsthand. I was at an ECW event after I won an Olympic gold medal back in 1996, and it was so horrible and disgusting, that I left halfway through the event and vowed that I would never return again. But it looks like I'm gonna return one last time. That's right, I'm gonna buy a bunch of tickets just like Bischoff on ''Raw'', and I'm gonna lead a group of ''SmackDown!'' volunteers to ruin ECW, just like it ruined the sport I love! And Tazz, I'm gonna bounce around your ECW buddies just like Paul Heyman bounces checks. ''[Tazz removes his headset and angrily stares at Angle]''
===June 9===
:'''Kurt Angle''': You know everyone knows where I stand with Sharmell and Booker T. But Tazz, I want to know where you stand with ECW's One Night Stand. Are you gonna side with me and the WWE? You know, the company that signs your paychecks and puts food on the table? Are you gonna side with the ECW and let your foolish pride get in the way? That's an easy answer, Tazz. But I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you until the end of the evening to make up your mind.
===June 16===
:''[Randy Orton has helped JBL defeat The Undertaker in a No Disqualification match]''
:'''Randy Orton''': Undertaker! Undertaker! Undertaker, you've just been RKO'd. You better get used to it, because the legend killer is officially on ''SmackDown!''.
===June 30===
:'''Theodore Long''': Last week, I made this SmackDown! championship match a six-man elimination match! Well, with The Big Show being drafted to ''Raw'', you lose one and you gain one, playa. So the sixth man for this match will be the latest draft lottery pick. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, Christian! ''[Christian's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Christian?!
:'''Tazz''': Christian? No!
:'''Cole''': Captain Charisma?
:'''Tazz''': ''[Christian comes out]'' Yeah there he is! Oh wait a minute! Christian!
:'''Cole''': Got a shot at the SmackDown! championship here tonight on his first night on ''SmackDown!''.
<hr width=50%>
:''[JBL has defeated Booker T, Chris Benoit, Christian, Muhammad Hassan, and The Undertaker in a six-man elimination match, seemingly winning the SmackDown! Championship]''
:'''Theodore Long''': JBL, I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news for you, playa.
:'''Michael Cole''': What?
:'''Long''': Now, the bad news is, even though you won the match, you are not the SmackDown! champion.
:'''Cole''': What?!
:'''Tazz''': What the hell?
:'''Long''': You know something playa? Recently, I found out that there's no need for a ''SmackDown!'' championship. Now the good news is, that you have earned the right to be the new number one contender to this man. Now ladies and gentlemen, everybody get ready to show your love for the final draft lottery pick and World Champion, Batista! ''[Batista's music hits]''
:'''Tazz''': What the hell?!!
:'''Cole''': Oh, my!
:'''Tazz''': Is this a joke? What the hell's going on here?
:'''Cole''': No, it's not a joke! He's the, the, the latest draft lottery pick!
:'''Tazz''': Where is he? I'll believe it when I see it ''[Batista comes out]'' and oh my God, I believe it! Holy...I don't, this is great!
:'''Cole''': ''SmackDown!'' has hit the jackpot!
:'''Tazz''': Holy cow!
:'''Cole''': The World Heavyweight Champion has come to ''SmackDown!''. Oh my God!
:'''Tazz''': Pinch me! I can't believe it! Batista, the World Heavyweight Champion, on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Cole''': This is the man who, who four nights ago, beat Triple H in Hell in a Cell! This is the man, who three times, beat Triple H! This is the man who won the title at WrestleMania, and Batista is on ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Tazz''': Shocking! Shocking! Amazing historic moment for ''SmackDown!''.
:'''Cole''': And I don't believe anybody is as shocked as JBL, who moments ago, was elated at winning the SmackDown! title, only to find out that he's the number one contender for that championship, the World Heavyweight title. Oh my! Batista has come to ''SmackDown!''. Good night everybody, from a historic night in Anaheim!
===July 14===
:'''[[w:Tommaso Ciampa|Thomas Whitney]] (Muhammad Hassan's attorney)''': My name is Thomas Whitney, Esq., and I am the legal counsel for Mr. Muhammad Hassan. Mr. Hassan has authorized me to read this statement on his behalf. Mr. Hassan has endured so much emotional distress as a result of the vitriolic hatred he has encountered over the last week. As a result, he has chosen to take a leave of absence from ''SmackDown!''. I'd like to remind you that Mr. Hassan is as American as each and every one of you. He has the same rights and privileges under the First Amendment, including freedom of expression. And it is a sad day in America, in which someone like my client has found me to retain an attorney to protect his fundamental rights to freedom of speech, and freedom from discrimination. Like all other Americans, you should not be prejudiced against Mr. Hassan or his manager, Khosrow Daivari. Therefore, my client will never again appear here on ''SmackDown!'', until such time as he defeats The Undertaker at a pay-per-view, ironically enough, called The Great American Bash. And furthermore, my client will no longer be appearing on -- ''[The Undertaker's music hits and The Undertaker makes his entrance]''
:'''Michael Cole''': It appears as though Thomas Whitney, esquire, Muhammad Hassan's attorney is about to personally meet The Undertaker.
:'''Tazz''': This could be an interesting rebuttal, Cole. Well, law school ain't prepared for this.
:'''Cole''': I, I don't think Hassan's attorney has, has any idea what to think about all this. ''[Undertaker enters the ring]'' In ten days at The Great American Bash, that man, The Undertaker will meet Muhammad Hassan for the opportunity to meet the World Heavyweight Champion. A number one contender's match at the Bash.
:'''Tazz''': Think that attorney's got cottonmouth? ''[Undertaker approaches and corners Whitney]''
:'''Whitney''': Sir. Sir, I do not know your intentions. But sir, need I remind you, that I am not a wrestler, sir. I am an attorney. ''[Undertaker grabs Whitney by the throat]''
:'''Tazz''': Come on, Taker wait. No don't do this!
:'''Cole''': He's an attorney! ''[Undertaker chokeslams Whitney]'' Oh man! Undertaker just chokeslammed Muhammad Hassan's attorney.
:'''Tazz''': I, this guy's not a wrestler. I don't, ''[Undertaker signals for the Tombstone]'' Someone's gotta stop this man.
:'''Cole''': Who's gonna stop him, Tazz? This is ridiculous. Undertaker may very well -- ''[Undertaker prepares to deliver a Tombstone Piledriver to Whitney]''
:'''Tazz''': Oh god, oh no no!
:'''Cole''': Not the Tombstone Piledriver!
:'''Tazz''': No Taker no! No no! ''[Undertaker tombstones Whitney]''
:'''Cole''': Oh my! I dare say Tazz, that the, The Undertaker's crossed the line here.
:'''Tazz''': I don't think he gives a rat's you-know-what about crossing the line. I'll tell you Cole, I don't know how much money Muhammad Hassan pays his attorney, but it's definitely not enough.
===August 4===
:'''Randy Orton''': WrestleMania 21. It was supposed to be my night. My time. I was supposed to beat the biggest, baddest legend ever. I was going to beat The Undertaker. But fate intervened, fate decided to intervene, and that didn't happen. Well guess what? Fate repaid the favor, and I'm standing before you on ''SmackDown!'', able to get what I want. Able to get what I deserve! Able to get what I need. I need to beat The Undertaker. Now The Undertaker's been with the WWE for fifteen years. Fifteen long years, and he's achieved legendary status. The Undertaker is a legend! Oh, but guess what? I'm the Legend Killer. All the victims of The Undertaker, they were great. They were great men, but all the victims, all the men that I've defeated in this ring, all those men have been legends. At WrestleMania 21, The Undertaker took away any chance at my immortality. So I've decided to take away everything possibly that I could take away from The Undertaker, and that started last week on ''SmackDown!'', when I took away his chance at becoming World Champion. I DESPISE THE UNDERTAKER! I spit in the face of The Undertaker's legacy! My legacy, my legacy was flourished by every legend that I dropped with the RKO. My legacy will live long, long after I'm gone. It carried through last year's SummerSlam, when I became the youngest World Heavyweight Champion of all time. And at this year's SummerSlam, simply this, I'm going to get what I need. Undertaker, it's time for me to catch what I let slip through my fingers. I will not rest until I beat you. I will not rest until you're on the long list of legends that I've defeated. I will not rest, Undertaker, so what's it gonna be? You and me, SummerSlam, I know you can hear me, do you understand? But I know you're around. I know you're around. What's it gonna be? I want an answer! I want an answer, Taker. Right now damn it, I demand an answer! You and me at SummerSlam! What you say? Come on! I know you can hear me! Where you at?! Come on! ''[The Undertaker's gong sounds]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh my!
:'''Tazz''': Be careful what you ask for! Careful, be careful what you ask for, Cole! ''[The words "RKO" appear on the Titantron]''
:'''The Undertaker''': Randy Orton. You want a legacy? SummerSlam. You will rest...in...peace.
===November 18===
:'''Batista''': If I know anything about Eddie Guerrero, I know that he would hate to see me in this ring crying like a little baby. Well, Eddie I'm sorry, I just can't help it. I just...I just can't believe you're gone. ''[starts crying]'' I've been thinking all day, you know, I really don't know what to say. I don't even know if I'm the right man to be out here to be speaking about Eddie, but...I want you to know two things about Eddie. The first thing is he loved his family. He loved his family. Now Eddie had a lot of demons, he had a lot of troubles in his past. And Eddie fought his way back from Hell to win back his family. And I respect the hell out of him for doing that. The second thing, you guys already know this, but I wanna make it clear. The second thing is Eddie Guerrero loved this business. He loved this business, he ate, he breathed, he slept, he bled this business! And no matter how much pain he was in, when he stepped through that curtain, all the pain, it just went away. And he found peace in this ring. ''[crowd chants "Eddie"]'' My one comfort, my one saving grace is that I know that Eddie's found peace. I know Eddie's with God. But call me a selfish son of a (bleep), call me anything you want, 'cause I'd give anything to have Eddie back right here. I miss the hell out of him. Eddie Guerrero, I miss you, and I love you. And I will make sure that these people, everywhere around the world, remember you.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Big Show''': Eddie was very, very spiritual. Um, a great, great dad. Um, every time I saw him around his kids, he was just...so full of life and so...just full of joy 'cause he was so proud of his family. Eddie was so thankful to God for all of it. Um, my only comfort in losing a friend...is knowing that he's with God now. And all the pain, and all the things that he endured, he's with God now, he's safe. He's loved. I know this is not right, but I can't believe Eddie's gone. I love you bro. And there'll be another one like you. You were awesome.
===December 2===
:'''Randy Orton''': I didn't come out here to brag about what I did to The Undertaker. I don't need to. I'm, I'm not an arrogant man. What I did to Undertaker speaks for itself. ''[points to the SmackDown! titantron that was destroyed and is covered with tape]'' Any of you here coming to this arena thinking that there's just a small chance you might see Undertaker rise from the ashes, WELL GUESS WHAT, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! It's over, he's done! His legacy is dead. I killed him. I KILLED THE UNDERTAKER! ''[crowd boos]'' The only true phenom now in the WWE...is me. And I deserve something for what I've accomplished. I deserve the World Heavyweight Championship. You think I don't? Do you disagree with me?! ''[crowd cheers]'' You disagree with me?! Well guess what, the one man that three years in a row was the sole survivor at the Survivor Series match, you're looking at him! The youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history! You're looking at him! A third-generation superstar! Guess what, you're looking at him! ''[crowd boos]'' The man that killed the phenom, The Undertaker. You're looking at him. You people disagree? Well your opinions mean nothing to me, whatsoever. ''[crowd chants "asshole"]'' Batista! ''[crowd cheers]'' I'm calling you out. I want a World Heavyweight Championship match. And I don't want one at Armageddon. I demand one at Armageddon!
:'''Tazz''': Wow.
:'''Orton''': And I will become the World Heavyweight Champion. It's not arrogance, people. It's destiny.
== 2006 ==
===January 20===
:'''Daivari''': Well, I told you what was gonna happen out here. We'll be screwed up. But Kurt, I should have said, you were the one that was gonna get screwed. I am now the manager of the World's Strongest Man, and next World Heavyweight Champion, Mark Henry.
:'''Michael Cole''': What?
:'''Tazz''': What the hell is going on here? Daivari's Henry's manager?
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh my God.
:'''Tazz''': I never saw this coming. Angle got...I...I...did he get double-crossed here? Is Daivari now manager of Mark Henry?
:'''Michael Cole''': I'd love to know what the hell happened, but the bottom line is Daivari is managing Mark Henry.
:'''Tazz''': Daivari knows Kurt Angle so well, Cole.
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, nine days away from the Rumble, the #1 contender Mark Henry ended up himself as a serious threat but now with Daivari added to the mix, Kurt Angle's reign may be in trouble. As Daivari said, this ''is'' screwed up.
===February 24===
:'''Randy Orton''': ''[clears throat]'' Please, please. Now, I'm not the kind of guy to come out here and say, "I told you so." But I told you so. I'm gonna compete for the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania. Rey Mysterio is not. All of Rey's hopes, dreams, fantasies of having a storybook victory over me were shattered. It didn't matter who was cheering for him and it didn't matter who he dedicated his match to. I had destiny on my side. SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I had destiny on my side, a destiny, my destiny, that will be fulfilled at WrestleMania when I become the World Heavyweight Champion. Now, Kurt Angle, you're lucky, man, because that's what it took, luck, to beat the Undertaker at No Way Out and all the luck in the world couldn't help you at WrestleMania when you step in the ring with me! And when I become world champion, I will take my rightful place at the top of this business. A business that my family built. You see, my grandfather was the greatest wrestler of his generation. My father was the greatest wrestler of his generation. And when I become World Champion, I will prove to everybody that I am the greatest wrestler of my generation. Not Kurt Angle, not the Undertaker, not Rey Mysterio, not the late, great Eddie Guerrero, no, no, no! I am without peers. Nobody is better than Randy Orton. Nobody is better than me. You people can chant what you want. You people can say whatever.. ''[Chavo Guerrero attacks Randy Orton]''
===May 12===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Comesta, amigos? You got it all wrong, folks. I came out here to applaud Rey Mysterio, our World Champion. You see he's a typical, tough Mexican fighter, who has, whoa what you call it? ''Machismo''. Last week, he promised he would take on all comers. And indeed he did. He took on the world's strongest... ''[crowd chants "619"]''
:'''Michael Cole''': The "619" chants in honor of Mysterio.
:'''JBL''': I'm surprised you know the numbers in English. ''[crowd boos]'' Last week, Rey Mysterio kept his word, and took on the world's strongest man, Mark Henry. ''[chuckles]'' And lost. ''[laughs]'' I guess Mark hadn't heard of ''machismo''. Well this week, YOU, YOU WANNA THANK ME! If it hadn't been for me, Rey Mysterio would've been squashed like a cockroach underneath Mark Henry! This week, we'll see if he keeps his word again, and takes on all comers, or if Rey Mysterio is el polio, a chicken. We'll see if Rey Mysterio takes his little inner tube and goes back to Mexico. But we all know our little underdog champion has more heart than brains. So tonight, ''[crowd chants "619"]'' I am wearing the American flag, something you people on strike should start observing! Now shut your mouth and show me some respect! ''[crowd boos]'' Tonight your little hometown hero, San Diego's own, Rey Mysterio, ''[crowd cheers]'' cheer for him now, because tonight, he has The Great Khali. But it doesn't end there Rey. Because Judgment Day, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock is coming. Remember, Rey, I am the one who took the WWE Championship. I am the one who defeated Eddie Guerrero! ''[crowd boos, then chants "Eddie"]'' Oh, Eddie was great. I was just better. I am the one who also ''[raises his WWE United States Championship]'' took this championship from Chris Benoit! And May 21, at Judgment Day, when I defeat the third ''amigo'', when I complete the trifecta, I will be the only man in ''SmackDown!'' history to hold the United States Championship and the World Championship. I will be undeniably a champion's champion. A true AMERICAN hero. One more legacy in my hall of fame career and you Rey, you Rey, will be here hanging out on a street corner with your homies. Your people. Your people who are sitting here. Your people who look like you. You people who are the size of you Rey. Your people who speak like you. Your people who thank God they're here, because it's your people who do the dirty work for real Americans like me. But don't worry Rey. I'm not gonna leave you high and dry. In fact, I'm gonna offer you a job, you and your family. Your kids, sweet little Dominic can shine my boots. Your wife Rey, can work in my kitchen, maybe in some little short Latino dress. With high heels. Stelleto. I like this. But in case you wanna be gangfully employed Rey, how about you do what the rest of your people do? How about you sell drugs on street corners? How about you do drive-bys? How about you do prostitution? How about you work at a donkey show in Tijuana? You people make me sick! Rey, you and your people is what's ruining my country! Rey, at Judgment Day, I will, I will... ''[Rey Mysterio charges the ring and attacks JBL]''
:'''Cole''': And there's Rey Mysterio! The World Champion has heard enough! Rey Mysterio attacking JBL!
:'''Tazz''': Can't blame Rey Mysterio! Those co - those comments by JBL, he'll be ashamed of himself, but look at Rey going to pound on him!
:'''Cole''': JBL trying to roll out of the way, Rey Mysterio continues the assault. JBL humiliating, embarrassing Mysterio, in front of his family, in front of his friends here tonight!
:'''Tazz''': I can't believe Bradshaw, JBL, the comments, Mysterio beating the daylights out of... ''[JBL flees]''
:'''Cole''': JBL running away, running away from the champion!
===May 19===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''' ''[standing on the announcers' desk, waving to Rey Mysterio who is in the ring]'': ''Como está'', my ''amigo''? Sunday, ''Domingo'', is [[w:Judgment Day (2006)|Judgment Day]], Rey. Your judgment day, when I take that championship off your undeserving body! But I got a question for you, Rey. ''[to Howard Finkel]'' Give him your microphone! Give him your microphone! ''[Finkel obliges and walks out of the ring. JBL addressing Rey again]'' You look like roadkill, ''vato''! The last two weeks has been rough on you, Rey, ya look terrible! You don't even know which way is up, do ya? Rey! Let me ask you a question: do you even know where we are? ''[interrupting Rey before he could reply]'' Son! Son! I'll help ya: we're in Albuquerque, north Mexico. Do you even know, Rey? Look at - you got dain bramage, ''ese''! Do you even know what year it is, Rey? ''[interrupting Rey before he could speak again]'' Rey, I'll help ya, I'll help ya...2006. Do you even know what ''day'' it is?
:'''Rey Mysterio''' ''[walking towards JBL]'': May 19th!
:'''JBL''' ''[feigning shock, then grinning]'': You said it...I didn't!
:''[JBL laughs hysterically as suddenly a fireball goes off and then Kane arrives. Rey looks shocked]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh...oh, my God!
:'''Tazz''': What the hell-?
:'''Michael''': You gotta be-
:'''Tazz''': What, no!
:'''Michael''': It's Kane! It's Kane! It's Kane!
:'''Tazz''': No! No!
:'''Michael''': JBL, you sick bastard!
:'''Tazz''': What are you - what is going on?!
:'''Michael''': You gotta be kiddin' me! What the hell is wrong with you?!
:'''Tazz''': No!
:'''Michael''': Kane! Oh my God, this is gonna be a massacre! ''[Kane enters the ring and immediately attacks Rey; the bell rings to start the match]'' Kane, beating the hell out of Mysterio!
:'''Tazz''': You gotta be kid - I, I'm...I'm shocked!
:'''Michael''': JBL, what the hell is wrong with you?? What the hell is wrong with you?!?
:'''JBL''': You shouldn't upset Kane, you know what Kane hates when you say that! He shouldn't upset the Big Red Machine! This is [[w:Jason Voorhees|Jason Voorhees]], [[w:Michael Myers (Halloween)|Michael Myers]], [[w:Freddy Krueger|Freddy Krueger]] all rolled into one, except for the fact he's a living, breathing human being, and he is a walking, talking stud!
===May 26===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': We just witnessed the greatest travesty of all time at Judgment Day! ''[crowd chants "you suck"]'' Rey Mysterio is still the World Champion. ''[crowd cheers]'' But I challenged him to take on all comers. I appealed to his ''machismo''. Well Rey, oh Rey! If you're still a man of your word, and you'll still take on all comers, then I'm gonna prove it was a fluke on Sunday! Come out here right now with your World Championship and let's do it right here! ''[Rey Mysterio's theme hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh ho ho! The World Champion, as he proved Sunday, is a man of his word! ''[Rey Mysterio comes out]'' A standing ovation for the man who's still living his dream, successfully defending the World Championship Sunday at Judgment Day.
:'''Tazz''': I don't know how Mysterio did it on Sunday but he did it. He left Phoenix with the World Championship.
:'''Rey Mysterio''': JBL, you're right. I did say I would take on all comers. And I took you on at Judgment Day. And I beat you!
:'''JBL''': You sarcastic little punk, that was a fluke! Now get out here, let's do it right now!
:'''Mysterio''': Hold on. JBL, you are the United States Champion. I don't, I don't see you defending your title. I don't see you taking on all comers.
:'''JBL''': You little punk. You have the audacity to question me? THIS IS MY SHOW! I carry this company! And yes, I will take on all comers, because nobody but a true American hero represents this country better. I am proud to be your United States Champion.
:'''Mysterio''': Did, did you, did you just say you are willing to take on all, all comers?
:'''JBL''': I kicked you too hard in the head Rey. Is your mask covering your ears? Under the blood that you bled at Judgment Day covering up your ears? You want it in English? The answer is yes, I take on anybody!
:'''Mysterio''': English, Spanish, I understood you. ''[speaks Spanish]'' So, since you are willing, let me introduce to you your opponent. Bobby Lashley!
===July 28===
:''[during the World Heavyweight Championship rematch between King Booker and Rey Mysterio]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': I don't get it, Michael, what keeps Rey in this match? This stupid machismo thing!
:'''Michael Cole''' ''[as King Booker grabs Rey from the top turnbuckle]'': Uh-oh, King Booker caught Mysterio!
:'''JBL''': He may not be in it any longer!
:'''Michael''': Rey Mysterio trying to reverse fortune here! Trying to shift balance and he does, kick to the midsection! Mysterio, a suplex!
:''[Rey gives King Booker a suplex]''
:'''JBL''': I know what keeps him in this match!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey holds on to King Booker and sets him up for another suplex]'': And look at this!
:'''JBL''': No!
:'''Michael''': Look at this!
:'''JBL''': It's the spirit of Eddie Guerrero!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey hits the second suplex]'' Paying homage to Eddie Guerrero! The Three Amigos!
:'''JBL''': No, no, no! ''[as Rey hits the third suplex]'' I've seen this from Eddie Guerrero, I've seen this from Rey Mysterio; I am sick of it!! ''[as Rey does Eddie's shimmy]'' Enough is enough!! No!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey goes onto the apron and approaches the turnbuckles]'': And now Rey...
:'''JBL''': No!!
:'''Michael''': ...with a little bit of Eddie in him! ''[as Queen Sharmell climbs the apron on the other side and tries to distract the referee]'' And look at Queen Sharmell up on the apron! ''[suddenly, Chavo Guerrero comes out through the crowd and grabs Rey]'' Hey! Who the hell-? ''[Chavo throws Rey onto the barricade behind him]'' Who the he-?
:'''JBL''': Oh, my God!
:'''Michael''': Is that Ch-? It's Chavo! It's Chavo again! What the hell is Chavo doing?!
:'''JBL''' ''[as Chavo puts Rey back into the ring]'': Rey's out! Rey's unconscious!
:'''Michael''': He bounced his head and his spine off the barricade! What the hell is wrong with Chavo?!
:'''JBL''': There's nothing wrong with Chavo; I've known three Gue - generations of Guerreros! You can't trust a Guerrero!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Chavo starts to make his way up the ramp]'': Chavo said he wasn't even in Detroit when we interviewed him, earlier tonight! Where the ''hell'' did he come from?!
:'''JBL''': Just like Eddie, he lies! He cheats! He steals! You cannot trust a Guerrero!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey slowly starts to get up]'': And King Booker is measuring Rey; the World Championship is on the line! ''[King Booker then hits a scissors kick on Rey]'' There's the scissors kick!
:'''JBL''': Cinderella's done! Strike midnight!
:'''Michael''': Not again!
:'''JBL''' ''[as King Booker covers Rey and the referee counts to 3]'': Call her the fat lady! Call her the wicked mama!
:'''Michael''': Not again! ''[the bell rings]'' Aww, damn it!
:'''JBL''': Tell her the saying, the King of the World! ''[as Chavo leaves and Queen Sharmell embraces King Booker]'' I told you, he should not - Rey should not have upset the coronation!
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here's your winner, and still World Heavyweight Champion, King Booker!
:'''Michael''' ''[as the referee hands King Booker back his title]'': You gotta believe that Rey Mysterio was moments away from regaining the title, and for some God-unknown reason, he was screwed again by Chavo!!
:'''JBL''': What are you, Sigmund Freud?! You don't know what I believe! I ''don't'' have to believe that! I believe the greatest word you can hear when you're a champion is, "''still'' World Champion, King Booker"!
:'''Michael''': Let's take another look at what happened at the end of this matchup. ''[replay of Chavo throwing Rey into the barricade]'' Yet again, for the first - for the second time this week, Chavo has betrayed one of his best friends, Rey Mysterio! ''[replay of King Booker's scissors kick on Rey on his way to the 3-count]'' And that betrayal allowing the king to retain the World Heavyweight Championship!
:'''JBL''': Allowing King Booker to retain his place with destiny!
:''[back live, as King Booker and Queen Sharmell look back at the fallen Rey]''
:'''Michael''': The bottom line is, that man, Chavo Guerrero, has stabbed Rey Mysterio in the back!
:'''JBL''': Tigers don't change colors, Michael!
:'''Michael''': Chavo Guerrero is cold-blooded, bottom line!
===August 4===
:''[Chavo Guerrero's music hits and he appears. The crowd boos]''
:'''Michael Cole''': I can't wait to hear this. Nothing this man can say will convince me what he did to Rey Mysterio in the past two weeks was right.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Where's your objectivity? Let's listen to what he has to say.
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Chavo Guerrero.
:'''JBL''': And why are you surprised? Why does Kasparov play chess? Why does Clemens pitch? It's in his DNA. It is in Chavo's DNA to be a Guerrero. I've known three generations of Guerreros; you cannot trust a Guerrero. Lie, cheat and steal, remember, Michael?
:'''Michael''': Oh yeah, I remember. That's their motto, the Guerrero motto.
:'''JBL''': Don't look down on it, Mr. High-and-Mighty.
:'''Michael''': Eddie Guerrero made that phrase famous.
:'''JBL''': And this is his nephew.
:'''Chavo Guerrero''': People want to know why I screwed Rey Mysterio, why I betrayed Rey Mysterio. But first, I want to know: what is betrayal? Is betrayal stealing from another man? Is betrayal stealing his name from him? Stealing his blood? Because that's what Rey Mysterio did to me, did to my whole family, the Guerrero family. What? You don't believe me? You don't believe that Rey Mysterio is a thief? Let me tell you what he stole from me. I grew up with Eddie Guerrero. We were like brothers. We used to lie, cheat, and steal together. When Eddie passed away, we all felt it. We all felt it, we were all devastated. I retired from wrestling, I walked away from wrestling. But did Rey Mysterio? Noooo. He used the Guerrero name, Eddie's name. It seemed like every other match, Rey was dedicating the match to Eddie's memory. The Royal Rumble, No Way Out, even at WrestleMania. Every five minutes, he was mentioning Eddie's name, very, very convenient. And when Rey won the World Heavyweight Championship, it got even worse. Rey, you couldn't stand on your own, Rey, you couldn't keep the title on your own. What did you do? You used another Guerrero — me. Rey, I saved you from losing the title to JBL. I saved you from losing the title to Mark Henry. I saved you over and over and over again. But you decided to stand right here in the middle of this ring and take all the glory, and use Eddie's spotlight and Eddie's name that all of you chanted to him. At The Great American Bash, I couldn't take it anymore. And that's when I realized that Rey Mysterio, you didn't just steal Eddie from me, you didn't just steal Eddie from the Guerrero family, you stole the memory of Eddie from each and every one of these people out here, from you ''[points to one person in the audience]'', from you ''[points to another person in the audience]''. People ask me why I did what I did. Because Rey Mysterio, you're nothing but a leech, living off the blood of the Guerrero name.
:''[Rey Mysterio appears and charges towards the ring]''
:'''Michael''': Oh my!
:'''JBL''': Oh my!
:'''Michael''': And look at this!
:'''JBL''': No!
:'''Michael''' ''[as Rey and Chavo begin fighting]'': It's Rey Mysterio! Rey has heard enough! Chavo, Rey unloading on Chavo Guerrero!
:'''JBL''': Chavo was right! Chavo was right with everything he said!
:'''Michael''': I thought it was a pathetic excuse, as Mysterio and Chavo continue to beat the hell out of each other inside the ring! ''[Rey and Chavo fall to the outside and keep fighting]'' And now it spills outside the ring; these two former best friends are beating the living hell out of each other!
:'''JBL''': He shouldn't have desecrated Eddie's name; that's what Rey Mysterio-
:'''Michael''': Rey never did that!
:'''JBL''': You know damn well he did!
===September 1===
:''[before a commercial break]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Hoo-rah! Hoo-rah! It's the Miz's debut, next on ''SmackDown!''. The Miz!
:'''JBL''': I'd rather have a root canal than sit here and watch Miz, the wrestling gods must hate me.
:''[after the break, as The Miz arrives for his WWE in-ring debut]''
:'''Michael''': We are back on ''SmackDown!.'' It's the debut of the Miz!
:'''JBL''': Jerry Brisco is rolling over in his grave and Jerry's not even dead!
===October 27===
:'''Chavo Guerrero''': You're looking at a man, and you're looking at a family who finally has some peace in their lives. I suck? No I don't suck. I'm a Guerrero, and Guerreros don't suck. We finally have peace in our lives, because Rey Mysterio is no longer around. And he's no longer around because I, I put an end to his career, and not only did I put an end to his career, I crushed his leg, and I made him say "I quit". And I wanna see him say "I quit" again. Roll footage from last ''SmackDown!''. ''[footage from the previous week's ''SmackDown!'' is shown featuring Chavo Guerrero attacking Rey Mysterio's knee in an "I Quit" match, forcing Mysterio to say "I quit" and lose the match]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, this is last week on ''Friday Night SmackDown!'', a number of times, Chavo driving that steel chair, the punishment continues.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Listen to him scream. Listen to this.
:'''Chavo''': You can boo all you want, 'cause you're exactly like Rey Mysterio. ''Selfish''. Because none of you wanted my family to move on with their lives. Well we're moving on, and we're moving on because of this. ''[the footage is again played]'' Rey Mysterio was, was trying to steal the Guerrero name. Trying to make a career out of the Guerrero legacy. That's why I had to do this. ''[the footage plays once again]'' I have watched that all day long, because that was the exact moment that my family became hopeful again. Again. ''[the footage is played again]'' Again! ''[this time, Chris Benoit's music hits and Chris Benoit comes out]''
:'''Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, Chris Benoit putting an end to a, to a very disturbing sequence. Chris Benoit making his way to the ring, and speculation it may be, JBL, but I believe that man, Chris Benoit, well he wants some uh, answers to his questions. Questions he asked that posed to Vickie earlier tonight.
:'''JBL''': What kind of book was that when Vickie Guerrero walked off Chris Benoit and just left him hanging there? ''[Chavo and Vickie Guerrero leave the ring]''
:'''Cole''': That's what they're doing now. I mean they're doing it again. They're ignoring Chris Benoit. They're not even looking at Benoit. Chavo and Vickie in no hurry to give Chris Benoit answers tonight. The audacity of these two. Don't you think Chris Benoit deserves some sort of explanation?
:'''JBL''': No. It was a decimation of the brand. This was between Chavo and Rey, that's it. Benoit needs to butt out.
===November 3===
:'''Rey Mysterio''': Two weeks ago, in Los Angeles, this, this is what happened to me. ''[footage from the October 20 ''SmackDown!'' is shown from the "I Quit" match between Chavo Guerrero and Rey Mysterio]''
:'''Michael Cole''': It was the "I Quit" match between Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero. And it was an absolutely relentless, an absolutely brutal assault at the hands of Chavo. Rey Mysterio trying to hold on John, before he uttered the words I never thought Rey would utter.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': I never thought he would, I never thought his Mexican machismo would let him say the words that he is about to say. ''[back to Mysterio]'' Wow.
:'''Mysterio''': I guess, that's what happens in our business right? As a result of that, I now need to have surgery on my left knee. But you know I wanted to come out here personally before I have surgery and speak to all of you from the bottom of my heart. ''[crowd cheers]'' I ain't gonna make no excuses. I'm gonna be straight up with you guys. I quit that match because of the pain I was feeling in my knee. I quit with the hope of coming back and fighting Chavo again. But I want you to know, and I want you to have it very clear, that I did not quit on each and every one of you. No. Because you guys have never quitted on me. ''[crowd cheers]'' You guys helped me win the 2006 Royal Rumble. You guys made me realize that dreams come true when I won the World title at WrestleMania. And when this is all over, when I come back from surgery, we, together, are gonna climb that mountain again, all the way to the top. And there's nothing -- ''[Chavo Guerrero's music hits]''
:'''Cole''': Oh please. ''[Chavo Guerrero and Vickie Guerrero come out with a chair]'' Rey Mysterio basically saying that he wants to come back, that he's gonna come back from his knee injury, and now after, during th, this emotional time for the former World Champion, again, the interruption at the hands of the two people that have put him through emotional hell for months, Vickie and Chavo Guerrero.
:'''JBL''': They have a right to gloat, Michael. They are the winners.
:'''Cole''': Gloat?
:'''JBL''': Yes they do.
:'''Cole''': Gloat for almost ending a man's career>
:'''JBL''': It was fair, fair as fair, Michael. There's nothing like a "I Quit" match. It's the most brutal match in the WWE. Rey Mysterio knew what he was getting into when he signed up.
:'''Cole''': Chavo and Vickie came out here last week and said they finally had peace in their lives, because they, they got rid of Rey Mysterio in their mind. So let him be! Let have Rey, let have Rey have his night, and then let him go have his surgery!
:'''JBL''': What do you mean have his night? I didn't have a night when I retired.
:'''Cole''': Nobody liked you.
:'''Chavo Guerrero''': Hey Rey. Vickie and I heard you talking out here, and I, I decided to come out here and ask you for a favor. I want you to say it, Rey. Say it again Rey. Come on say it. ''[crowd chants "Chavo sucks"]''
:'''Cole''': The "Chavo sucks" chants.
:'''Mysterio''': Is that, is that, is that what you want me to say?
:'''Chavo''': You know what I want you to say, Rey. Say "I quit". Because those words coming out of your mouth, that's like music to my ears. Say it Rey. Do me the favor and say it again. Oh you don't want to? You don't wanna say it? That's okay. That's okay. May - maybe you'll do me another favor. ''[points to the chair]'' You recognize this chair? 'Cause it recognizes you, Rey. It's a little something I saved from our, uh, our famous "I Quit" match. I was wondering, Rey if you uh, could autograph this chair for me.
:'''JBL''': That's nice.
:'''Chavo''': Come on Rey. Why don't you autograph it right here? Right here, you know this is where uh, I hit your knee so hard, I broke the damn chair? Come on Rey, autograph it for me please. Do me that favor. Be a good sport. What do you got to lose Rey? You already lost the uh, the World title. You already lost the "I Quit" match to, to me. You're a cripple.
:'''Mysterio''': Who are you calling a cripple?
:'''Chavo''': If the uh, shoe fits. Come on Rey do me a favor. Autograph the chair for me. Come on. Okay. You don't wanna autograph it for me? That's okay, I'll autograph it. I'll autograph it for you. ''[Chavo writes on the chair]''
:'''JBL''': That's not something to sign the chair for Michael. ''[Chavo reveals he wrote "I QUIT" on this chair]''
:'''Chavo''': What's wrong Rey? That's not your autograph? That looks like your autograph to me. I mean those, those were the words that came out of your mouth. I tell you what, since you don't wanna sign it, I got another way that we can remember our "I Quit" match. ''[Mysterio swings his crutch at Chavo, but misses]''
:'''Cole''': Oh Mysterio, ''[Chavo kicks Mysterio in the knee]'' and look at the, look at Chavo! Right to the injured knee!
:'''JBL''': Spelling may not be Chavo's forte, but kicking people's butts is!
:'''Cole''': And look at Chavo just, ''[Chavo stands on Mysterio's crutch, then kicks Mysterio's hand]'' this is disgusting! ''[Chavo grabs Mysterio's injured leg]''
:'''JBL''': Big dog eats the bull.
:'''Cole''': I mean come on already, he's already damaged the knee, the man already needs surgery! Big dog eats, my ass! What are you talking about?
:'''JBL''': It's the law of the jungle Michael. Example of Darwinism. That's all it is.
:'''Cole''': And Chavo Guerrero with the steel chair that he's already used on, ''[Chavo hits Mysterio in the knee with the chair]'' No! Damn it! ''[Vickie signifies she wants the chair]'' And Vickie's just as sick as, as as Chavo is! She says let me do it! Vickie wants to hit Rey with the damn steel chair! This is ridicu -- ''[Chris Benoit runs out]'' And there's Chris Benoit! Chris Benoit has seen enough! Benoit out here last week, demanding answers, and never got them from Chavo and Vickie. But enough is enough! I mean what else does Chavo Guerrero have to prove? Does he want to try to cripple the man? Is that what he wants?
:'''JBL''': I think he already has, Michael!
===December 22===
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': Five days ago at Armageddon, I was appalled, horrified at what transpired in front of me. Teddy Long, for his own amusement, for his entertainment, brought back a match that had been dormant for seven and a half years. An inferno match. There is a reason we don't have inferno matches for the last seven and a half years. You see, it looks really good on paper. Somebody gets burned. Until you realize somebody gets burned. A human being was set on fire at Armageddon. Where pictures in the Bible describe Hell as human flesh burning and people screaming in pain. That is what happened. Hell was brought to MVP at Armageddon, and every single bit of it was Teddy Long's fault. This is what Teddy Long did to MVP. ''[clips from the inferno match between Kane and MVP at Armageddon are shown]'' Look at this. He put him in the ring with a monster, Kane, and Kane set him on fire. That folks, is not entertainment. That is a human being burning! That is flesh rotting and burning off a human corpse! Right next to me, MVP comes. I can smell the flesh of a human being burning. Something I will never forget to the day that I die was that I watched a human being and thankfully, mercifully, they put him out. And Teddy, you call this entertainment? I call it garbage. So I'll tell you what, Theodore Long, you come down here right now. I don't demand your censure, I think you should be fired, but tonight, you come down here and you apologize to me, you apologize to ''SmackDown!'', and you damn sure come down here and apologize to MVP, because MVP can't be here right now because he's lying in a burn unit! Come on out Teddy! ''[nothing happens]'' Teddy, I have a list of lawyers in arm law. You will be sued. You come down here right now. Do you hear me?! ''[nothing happens]'' Okay. If you won't come down, Teddy, then let's talk about the people that are really responsible. ''[points to the fans]'' You. And you. Each and every one of you and you cheer. You don't cheer because a guy gave his life for you in this ring. It's not enough that you pay your money and somebody spend, spends 200 days away from his family each year! It's not enough! Somebody gives his health to this very ring! I'm not in this ring because I broke my back, and that's enough for you sick people! You got to see a head broken open by a chair. You got to see somebody fall off a building. You got to see somebody caught on fire. You people are responsible and it disgusts me! Rome did not fall because of the gladiators in the Colosseum. Rome fell because of the sick people in the stands. Now think about this, you people wish for one instance in your life. You were like MVP and somebody would pay to see you. Well in your miserable life, there's not a soul alive that would pay to see one of you sons of bitches do anything! And if America, this great country goes down, it won't be because of what's good. It won't be because of great warriors. It will be because of people like you! You sick human beings! You have embarrassed yourself, you have embarrassed me. And take a lot at the person next to ya. You have embarrassed this country. You people make me sick.
== 2007 ==
===March 2===
:'''Batista''': Last week, I explained what I did at No Way Out. And I, I really just wanted to make the point that I am here to compete. When The Undertaker chose me as his WrestleMania opponent, I was honored. It's gonna be a privilege to share the ring with the Deadman. I was honored. I, I was honored. I know why he chose me. The Undertaker, he's a competitor. He's a fighter. He's proud. He brings it. He comes to compete. And he chose me. He doesn't wanna be in there with a pushover, he doesn't want an easy match. He chose me. Then, he chokeslammed me. The point is, I am here to compete. Now we both know where we stand. Now we know it's gonna be war. Now we know at WrestleMania 23, Batista versus The Undertaker is gonna get ugly. I can say this without a doubt, it's gonna be the match of my career. But I wanna say this, I wanna stress this. I have nothing but the utmost respect for The Undertaker. But I will not be intimidated. Therefore, at WrestleMania, ''[The Undertaker's gong sounds and a graveyard is shown]''
:'''The Undertaker''': Batista, it's time to take you on a journey. A trip back to the old school. You say you're not intimidated? We'll see. For everyone else, WrestleMania will be heaven on Earth. For you Batista, it will be Hell. And there will be hell to pay. Without death, there cannot be life. ''[The Undertaker emerges from the graveyard]'' So all things must die. ''[Undertaker fills an empty grave with dirt]'' Batista, at WrestleMania, your reign as champion will rest in peace.
===May 11===
:''[after the Undertaker gets beaten down by Mark Henry following his steel cage match with Batista]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''' ''[as the officials get Mark to leave]'': He said he wanted to make an impact, Michael, and he said there wasn't anything anybody could do about it.
:''[suddenly Edge's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Wh-whoa - Edge-
:''[Edge marches towards the ring, Money in the Bank briefcase in hand]''
:'''JBL''': You gotta be kidding me. No.
:'''Michael''': No! No...
:'''JBL''': No, come on, Edge, no, not this way! No, damn it! No!
:''[Edge hands his briefcase to referee Jimmy Korderas and yells out his intention to cash it in]''
:'''Michael''': I can't-
:''[Korderas beckons over ring announcer Tony Chimel and tells him of Edge cashing in his briefcase]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been informed that Edge is cashing in his Money in the Bank championship match; so therefore, this is an official championship match for the World Heavyweight Championship!
:'''Michael''': This is not happening! Please tell me this is not happening!
:'''JBL''': It's brilliant. It's brilliant, Michael.
:''[the bell rings]''
:'''Michael''' ''[as Edge quickly covers the Undertaker, who is still down from Mark Henry's beating]'': The referee is disgusted! ''I'm'' disgusted! ''[as the referee counts]'' Here's the cover, hook to the leg, and Undertaker kicked out! Come on, Taker! ''[as a stunned Edge covers him again]'' Come on, Undertaker! Cover again! ''[Undertaker kicks out at 2 again]'' And again, the champion kicks out!
:'''JBL''' ''[as a look of disbelief crosses Edge's face]'': But how much does Undertaker have left?
:'''Michael''': The referee had no choice-
:'''JBL''': He's spent!
:'''Michael''': The referee had no choice but to make this match official. Edge has cashed in the Money in the Bank he won on ''Raw'' Monday night. ''[suddenly Undertaker tries to sit up, much to Edge's shock]'' And Undertaker-
:'''JBL''': You're kidding me.
:'''Michael''': The beaten Undertaker! ''[Undertaker collapses back to the mat]'' Undertaker tried to sit up; he couldn't quite do it! After the assault by Mark Henry, the battle in the steel cage, but perhaps Edge is second-guessing himself here! ''[Edge is now standing in the corner, waiting for the Undertaker to get back up]'' What does he have to do to keep the Phenom down?
:'''JBL''': Edge is a shark that smells blood in the water, Michael! He's become world champion like this before, and I don't care how many times the Undertaker sits up, he's got nothing left!
:'''Michael''': Undertaker can't even pull himself up by the ropes! He is a beaten, defenseless, helpless champion! And that piranha-
:'''JBL''': As much as you don't like it, Michael, this is a brilliant, brilliant move by Edge!
:'''Michael''': That sick piranha! That piranha Edge is measuring the Undertaker!
:'''JBL''' ''[as the Undertaker finally stands up]'': He's a piranha that could be our next world champion!
:''[Edge hits the Undertaker with his spear]''
:'''Michael''': Spear! ''[Edge covers the Undertaker and the referee counts to 3]'' The cover! Not this way! Not this way! Dammit!
:''[the bell rings and the referee hands the World Heavyweight Championship belt to Edge, then raises his arm]''
:'''Tony''': Here is your winner and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, the Rated-R Superstar, Edge!
:'''Michael''': I am absolutely sick! I am disgusted! The ultimate opportunist has done it, again!
:'''JBL''': This is the second time he's won a world championship like this, Michael, and I don't care how disgusted you are; sometimes, you win by attrition, but what is important is, you win - right there, Michael, is our new world champion, Edge!
:'''Michael''': I can - I'm still trying to...to get it all straight in my mind; I mean, it's shocking, it is startling, Edge is ch- ''[Edge has marched over to the announce desk, banging it and yelling at Michael]'' Yeah, it is yours. It ''is'' yours, Edge.
:'''JBL''': You're damn right it is!
===June 8===
:'''Edge''': Now I know what you're all thinking. Now I know what you're all thinking, but fear naught, just because I'm hosting The Cutting Edge, that doesn't mean that you won't see me in action here tonight. See, as I understand it, Vickie Guerrero's gonna have a - an announcement for a double main event a little later on tonight, and for your people's sake, let's hope I'm involved.
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': True.
:'''Edge''': But on to The Cutting Edge and, you know I bet you people think I couldn't outdo myself, because my guest last week was Batista. ''[crowd cheers]'' Oh no, but my guest tonight is bigger than that. That's right, I I I, I outdid myself, my guest tonight actually asked to be on The Cutting Edge. And, and his wish is my demand. See, my guest tonight is the chairman of the board of World Wrestling Entertainment. My guest tonight is Mr. McMahon! ''[Mr. McMahon's entrance hits and Mr. McMahon walks slowly to the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well there is the man who's going through mood swings galore since losing the, the ECW Championship Sunday at One Night Stand. And on ''Raw'', out of control, vindictive, menacing at times, just borderline crazy. But yet on ''ECW'', Mr. McMahon, the complete opposite. Catatonic, almost trance-like at times.
:'''JBL''': He deserves to do whatever he wants, as capricious as it is! He's the chairman of the board, he should be on the hundred dollar bill! He should be President of the United States of America! ''[Edge is clapping]''
:'''Edge''': Mr. McMahon, I wanna, I wanna let you know what a pleasure it is to have you on my show. You know I'm sure this is gonna be a night that I'll never forget. You know, I'm, first things first, I wanna ask you a question that, uh, now I've been thinking all week because I, I'm watching this Monday on ''Raw'' and it's kinda been on the, the top of my head and I'm sure all these people have been wondering the same thing and, that's how you feelin'? How, how, how are you doing, Vince?
:'''Mr. McMahon''': ''[in a trance-like state]'' They, they all walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil, for thou art evil. ''[crowd chants "You Suck!"]''
:'''Edge''': Vince, uh, like I said, I wanna thank you for being on the show. I, I know you have a, an insane, hectic, a busy schedule and I wanna thank you for taking a little bit of time out to, to come out on The Cutting Edge here tonight. I don't wanna dwell on the past, I don't wanna dwell on One Night Stand because the, the future's bright. The future is so bright. You know, this Monday on ''Raw'', we have the, the WWE draft. And like we've all said it, the WWE draft is a, a chance to shake things up. It, it, it's an important night and, I don't know about Monday, but I know Fridays on ''SmackDown!''. They, they do the shaking up. Yeah. And even more important than that, Mr. McMahon, this Monday is Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night. ''[crowd boos]'' I'm not gonna disrespect you like, like John Cena. ''[crowd cheers]'' Like Ric Flair, or, or even, or even Lashley. I'm not gonna do that because let's face it. The reason that I am in this ring is because you. The reason that all of these people are here tonight. The reason that, that millions of people tune into ''SmackDown!'' every week is because of you, Mr. McMahon. And no matter what happened on One Night Stand, you, you haven't lost a thing in my eyes. You haven't lost any dignity because like you said, you, you still have your empire. You still have all of your money. And, and in the squared circle of life, Mr. McMahon, you, you are a world champion. ''[hands McMahon the World Heavyweight Championship and puts it in his lap, but McMahon doesn't move]'' Give it up for Mr. McMahon. That's right.
:'''McMahon''': ''[stands up]'' You're no better. You're no better. You're no better. You're no better than Cena, you're no better than...Lashley. You're a sycophant! Vengeance. Vengeance is mine. You one-on-one, for that, against Batista. ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Edge''': That, that, that's not fair. That, that's not fair. I've already beaten Batista twice.
:'''McMahon''': Fair?
:'''Edge''': It's unfair.
:'''McMahon''': Fair?
:'''Edge''': It's not fair.
:'''McMahon''': Fair. Life is not fair. Life SUCKS and then you die. ''[crowd chants "Batista"]'' See, regardless of the draft, it's you and Batista for that, do, do or die. You do, he dies. Do or die. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
===June 29===
:'''Vince McMahon''': On a recent edition of ''Raw'', the WWE presented a special tribute show, recognizing the career of Chris Benoit. However, the facts of this horrific tragedy involving Chris Benoit were not known at the time. Therefore, other than my comments, there will be no mention of Mr. Benoit's name in this program. On the contrary, this show is dedicated to everyone who has been affected by this terrible incident. This marks the first step of the healing process whereby WWE performers will now do what they do better than anyone else in the world: entertain you.
===September 21===
:'''Batista''': Yeah! Hell yeah! Oh, you have no, no idea how good I feel. I'm all dressed up, got my new suit on, got my new shoes on, bam! I'm in Hotlanta! And I am once again the World Heavyweight Champion! Yes! This Sunday, at Unforgiven, I was fortunate enough to overcome the former, let me say that again, the ''former'' World Heavyweight Champion, The Great Khali, and my good friend, a man who I respect very much and I was proud and privileged to compete against, Mr. 619, Rey Mysterio. Yes sir. Yes sir. Rey, you're my brother, I love you, and you will be World Heavyweight Champion again. I know it in my heart. But for right now, for me, The Great Khali will exercise the rematch clause in his contract. So as it stands, it will be The Great Khali versus Batista at No Mercy. In what he calls a Punjabi Prison match. ''[Mark Henry's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well ladies and gentlemen, the self-proclaimed silverback, the world's strongest man, Mark Henry, who John, Sunday at Unforgiven, gave the returning Undertaker a hell of a physical battle. But what brings him out to confront The Animal tonight?
:'''JBL''': Mark Henry said he's gonna do whatever he wants, and nobody can do anything about it. I think that's what brings Mark Henry out. He's the king of the jungle, Michael. Mark Henry does whatever he wants.
:'''Mark Henry''': Batista, I can care less about this celebration of yours. I can care less about your Punjabi Prison match that you're gonna have with The Great Khali at No Mercy. But what I do care about, is next week. The Undertaker returns to ''SmackDown!'' in a match against me. The World's Strongest Man. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna end The Undertaker's illustrious career. Come to think of it, I might need a little warmup for The Undertaker next week. And don't worry, don't worry. I won't even take a shot at your precious new title. Because all these people know, and deep in your heart, you know, that if I want that belt, I'll take it whenever I want it.
:'''Batista''': Mark Henry, you are as stupid as you are ugly. Last time I checked, you were getting your ass handed to you at Unforgiven by the Deadman. You got the nerve, you got the nerve to come out here and call me out? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. You've had a Batista beatdown coming for a long-ass time. And tonight, you're gonna get it. You want a match? You're on.
===November 2===
:'''Batista''': I grew up a pretty poor kid in Washington, DC. Getting in fights all the time, had to fight my way out of a lot of bad situations. And WWE, same thing. Been in fights A to Z. Street fights, cage matches, you name it. Been there, done that. But this past Sunday, I did something, I accomplished something I thought I might never do. I beat The Undertaker. I, the rivalry between The Undertaker and myself, it's, it's been a war. He's won one, I've won one, we got two draws, in my book, that makes us even. Which is perfect for tonight, since we are tag team partners. So this is what I wanna say. We're not, we have not settled our differences by any means. But Undertaker, tonight, I've got your back and my question is, I'm wondering if you've got my back. 'Cause if you don't ''[The Undertaker's gong goes off and The Undertaker appears]''
:'''The Undertaker''': You can rest assured, I got your back. Because you still have the one thing that I want.
:'''Batista''': Are you saying you want a rematch? Done. You've got it. ''[drops the microphone and prepares to leave the ring]''
:'''Undertaker''': Batista. Hell in a Cell!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Hornswoggle attacks Jonathan Coachman]''
:'''JBL''': Referees don't do that.
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, when you're a McMahon, you can do whatever you want to do, right?
:'''JBL''': Oh, that's a good point.
===December 7===
:'''Theodore Long''': I just wanna know one thing. Can I get a holla holla holla? ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''John "Bradshaw" Layfield''': We're moving on up.
:'''Long''': Well, I want you to know it is great to be back here on ''SmackDown!'', playa. Now as we all know, that general manager Vickie Guerrero is incapacitated at this time. So I want you to know I was happy to make the announcement for the main event at Armageddon, because I was called in for service at the last minute. Now the main event at Armageddon, a triple threat match. Edge versus the phenom, The Undertaker, versus the World Heavyweight Champion, Batista. And I want you to know that this triple threat match is going to be unlike anything that you have ever seen before. Now think about this. Three of the best competitors here in the WWE, they're gonna be going at it for the World title. And speaking of titles, that brings me to the United States title. So I have decided that at Armageddon, MVP will be defending the United States Championship against the man that pinned him last week right here on ''SmackDown!'', Rey Mysterio. ''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Wow.
:'''Long''': And in addition to those two matches, ''[Edge's music hits]''
:'''Cole''': Well I don't believe that uh, Teddy Long was done, but ''[Edge comes out]'' here come the Rated R Superstar, Edge, the man who is in love, who is having a relationship with general manager Vickie Guerrero.
:'''JBL''': What a power couple it turned out to be, like a Bill and a Hillary. Like a Bill and Melinda Gates. Brad and Angelina Jolie. Tom Brady and Gisele. We got a power couple that rivals them all.
:'''Cole''': Edge admitted last week that it started off as a business relationship but then turned into a love interest. But you gotta wonder what Edge is thinking after the huge announcement last week that he's gonna be in that triple threat match against Batista and The Undertaker for the World title at Armageddon.
:'''Edge''': So even a heart attack can't stop you?
:'''Long''': Let me explain something to you. Now you need to quit hating on me about this heart attack. That's over with. It's done. I'm fine now, Edge.
:'''Edge''': You know what Teddy? You haven't changed a bit. You're out here, you're, you're just giving away title matches like it's, like it's candy at Halloween. Well you know what? The last time I checked, your official title is the ''assistant'' general manager of ''SmackDown!'', and, and when ''the'' general manager, the love of my life, Vickie Guerrero comes back, there's gonna be hell to pay.
:'''Long''': Well let me explain something to you. Vickie Guerrero is not here, and I want you to know this, and until she comes back, I am still the head man in charge. You got that?
:'''Edge''': You know it's funny you make mention of Vickie. What, what did you say she was? She was uh -
:'''Long''': Incapacitated.
:'''Edge''': Incapacitated. No actually Teddy, she's laid up in bed with a neck brace on, after being brutally attacked by The Undertaker. She's an innocent woman.
:'''Long''': Is that right?
:'''Edge''': That's right. And, ''[looks into the camera]'' and baby, baby Vickie, baby, I, I know you're watching this. And I just want you to know that I love you. ''[crowd boos]'' I love you so much, and as soon as this show's over, I'm gonna --
:'''Long''': Excuse me. Excuse me. You mean to tell me that you got nothing else better to do, than to come out here and send love messages to Vickie Guerrero? Why don't you text her? What's wrong with your phone?
:'''Edge''': You know what? ''[to the fans]'' Shut up! Don't you, don't any of you undermine the passion that Vickie and I have for each other! What we have is real!
:'''Long''': Well Edge, I want you to know this. I am so glad to know that you and Vickie Guerrero are in love. Congratulations. Now stop wasting my time.
:'''Edge''': Can I ask you something Teddy? Have I, have I ever wronged you in any way?
:'''Long''': No.
:'''Edge''': No. Then why is it that you find these creative ways to constantly screw me over for the World Heavyweight Championship?
:'''Long''': So what are you trying to say?
:'''Edge''': Well what I'm trying to say is, how about when I was attacked? Viciously attacked, I was injured. Had my pec torn completely off the bone by that monster, Kane. And then, and then, and then you went and stripped me of the World Heavyweight Championship?
:'''Long''': Excuse me if my memory serves me right, I didn't strip you of anything. You relinquished that title.
:'''Edge''': You didn't even give me 30 days to defend it!
:'''Long''': The reason I didn't give you 30 days, Edge, is because the medical officials said that you couldn't defend the title within 90 days, less long 30 days. And playa, you was out for four months.
:'''Edge''': Okay. Okay, how about last week in, in my match with Batista for the World Heavyweight Championship? The Undertaker gets involved. He costs me that World Heavyweight Championship. Oh, oh. And where's my return one on one match? Oh let me guess, in your infinite wisdom, you decide, let's make a triple threat match involving The Undertaker.
:'''Long''': Okay.
:'''Edge''': Where's the logic in that?
:'''Long''': I'll tell you where the logic is. The logic is, it was you who cost The Undertaker the World Heavyweight Championship at Hell in a Cell at Survivor Series. So as far as I'm concerned, at Armageddon, that match evens things out.
:'''Edge''': The Undertaker does not deserve another chance at the World Heavyweight Championship.
:'''Long''': Edge. This is my final decision, all right? Are you done?
:'''Edge''': No I'm not done. No I'm not done because you've never given me a chance at my redemption. After everything that's happened to me over the last four months.
:'''Long''': Redemption? Oh oh oh, okay so, so you want redemption? All right, I'll tell you what, you got it. Tonight, you're going to face the man who injured you, and the man who you said, cost you the World Heavyweight Championship four months ago. The Big Red Machine, Kane! ''[crowd cheers]'' Now, how does that decision sound, coming from as you say, the assistant general manager? So Edge, I suggest to you, tonight you need to man up. Holla, playa.
== 2008 ==
===January 4===
:'''Vickie Guerrero''': Now Teddy, this is far enough. Stop. Good evening, and happy new year! Welcome to the first ''Friday Night SmackDown!'' of 2008. I just want to set the record straight, that if Batista or Undertaker so much lays a finger on your World Heavyweight Champion, their chances of regaining a championship will go up in smoke. Now, I've been consulting with the love of my life, and in the spirit of competition, I've decided to make a beat the clock challenge. Now, tonight's winner of the beat the clock challenge will go one on one with your World Champion at the Royal Rumble. Now among the participants tonight will be the man who loves to fight, Finlay, Rey Mysterio, Batista, and The Undertaker. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere pleasure to introduce to you, a man of extraordinary credentials, a keen sense of fairness, and oratory skills that are par excellence, please help me welcome, ''SmackDown!''{{'}}s new color commentator, Jonathan Coachman! ''[Jonathan Coachman's music hits]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Well Jonathan Coachman, formerly of ''Monday Night Raw'', apparently joining me here in the announce booth on ''Friday Night SmackDown!''. ''[Jonathan Coachman shakes Vickie's hand]'' My former broadcast colleague, John "Bradshaw" Layfield, returning to the ring, made his first in-ring appearance on, in appearance in an arena on ''Raw'' this past Monday night, involved in a, in a rivalry with Chris Jericho, so Bradshaw's gone, and now joined here by Jonathan Coachman. ''[Coachman runs to the announce table]'' Welcome aboard. ''[Coachman stands on the table and waves to the crowd]''
===August 22===
:'''Triple H''': So let me get this straight now...at Unforgiven, it's gonna be the Championship Scramble where, 5 men are gonna get in the ring to try to capture the WWE championship; it'll be myself, MVP...
:''[the crowd boos]''
:'''Triple H''': Shelton Benjamin...
:''[the crowd boos again]''
:'''Triple H''': Brian Kendrick...
:''[the crowd boos again]''
:'''Triple H''': ...no no no no, not just any Brian Kendrick, THE Brian Kendrick...
:''[the crowd boos louder]''
:'''Triple H''': ...and the enigma Jeff Hardy. ''[the crowd cheers]'' Now here's the trick - they can get in the ring and they don't have to beat me to become champion; they can beat any one of them, and the last one to catch a fall, in the 20 minutes, walks out the WWE champion, now...those odds don't favor me very much, they practically guarantee that the title will change hands. But I just wanna let these guys know one thing before you all go out and start celebrating, buying yourself a Rolex or a, a fancy new sports car to celebrate your big win of becoming WWE champion, here's the thing you gotta understand, guys: the fifth guy in that ring...the fifth guy in that ring is a 12-time champion. ''[the crowd cheers]'' The fifth guy in that ring has been in every match that the WWE has to offer, and has come out on top! The fifth guy is known for a very good reason as the Game. He is also known as the King of Kings, and trust me, there is only one-
:''[suddenly Kenny Dykstra's music hits as he comes out and marches towards the ring]''
:'''Jim Ross''': Wow. What the...
:'''Tazz''': It's Kenny Dykstra, what...
:'''Jim''': Kenny Dykstra interrupting the WWE champion, somewhat disrespectful - ''extremely'' disrespectfully, for a fact-
:''[Kenny snatches the mic from Triple H's hand]''
:'''Kenny''': So I'm not even considered for the Championship Scramble? Really?! I'm sick and tired of people not taking me serious around here. My name is Kenny Dykstra, and-
:''[Triple H kicks Kenny in the gut and gives him the Pedigree]''
:'''Jim''': Oh, oh...and ''this'' is a Pedigree -
:'''Tazz''': Oh, God!
:'''Jim''': - from the WWE champion!
:''[Triple H picks up his title and then the mic]''
:'''Triple H''': Good to see ya, Kenny. ''[drops the mic and leaves the ring]''
:'''Tazz''': Well, I tell ya, I give Kenny Dykstra a lot of credit for coming out here and getting right in the face of the WWE champion, but...that Pedigree was nasty!
:'''Jim''': Well, Dykstra's got a world of talent and abilities, but I can't say so much for his timing!
==2009==
===February 13===
:'''Jeff Hardy''': Um, you know it's been a weird, a really weird time for me lately. I kinda feel broken, kinda feel, you know, left alone. I kinda felt like doing bad things to bad people but something doesn't feel right. Matt Hardy is my brother. I mean, we made it here to the WWE together. We've won championships together, we've lost championships together. I mean come on, a big brother's someone you're supposed to be able to look up to, he's supposed to be a role model. He's supposed to have your back. And evidently with Matt, that's not the case. I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but whatever it is, it's messed up. At the Royal Rumble, I mean it used to remind me of good times, I mean when we were kids we watched it every year. But now all it reminds me of is betrayal. All it reminds me of is a chair shot to the head and a broken dream. Matt whatever's going on inside your head man, you should know better than anybody how I roll man and I'm the type of person that moves on. I don't live in the past and I refuse to. So what I'm gonna do is move on, and I'm moving on to this Sunday, come the Elimination Chamber, and I will become the WWE Champion for the second time whether Matt Hardy likes it or not!
===May 15===
:'''Josh Mathews''': Well Jeff, congratulations on your victory, it now appears that you have all the momentum heading into your championship opportunity this Sunday at Judgment Day.
:'''Jeff Hardy''': Edge is a creature of habit. If you watched him over the last, uh, few months, you'll notice he wins a title on a pay-per-view. A month later, he loses the title. He wins a title, he loses the title. It's a pattern. ''[to the fans]'' You're the greatest! ''[crowd cheers]'' At Backlash, Edge won the title again. At Judgment Day, he will lose again. Josh, it won't be just for me. It's gonna be for each and every one of these people who supported me through thick and thin, always believed in what I stand for, and that's being me, Jeff Hardy!
===July 10===
:'''CM Punk''': Are you proud of yourself Jeff? I could have been seriously injured last week. And you got a lot of nerve faking an eye injury, leaving me in the ring to fend for myself, especially considering you're the one who injured my eye in the first place. As far as what you said earlier about me making the whole thing up, coming out here with your cute eye patch mocking me, I wanna show you something Jeff. This is Polymixin B Sulfate. I have to apply this to my eye three times a day. The only way you obtain this is with a prescription. From a doctor. Now, I know, you know a thing or two about prescription medication. What I don't think you realize is that you have to go to a doctor to legally obtain some. Unlike you Jeff, this is the only foreign substance I will allow in my body. So if you wanna imitate me, why don't you try living a clean lifestyle? Why don't you try living a straight edge lifestyle? Jeff, you've got two strikes. You how many I have? Zero. Jeff you know how many times I've been suspended? Zero. You know how many times I've been to a rehab facility? That's right. Zero. And do you know what your chances are of beating me at Night of Champions? Zero.
===July 24===
:'''CM Punk''': I've, I've come out here tonight to challenge you. Challenge you, the WWE universe, into seeing things my way. And to learn how to just say no. See, because the people who cheer for Jeff Hardy are just slaves to the vices associated with his "living in the moment". I feel bad for you, I really do. You, you walk around almost blind, and you wear your prescriptions proudly on your sleeve, like they were badges of honor. And what was it the doctor told you? Just take one every four hours right? Aside from myself, there's not a person in this arena who hasn't abused prescription medication or taken a recreational drug. And I know, trust me, it's hard being straight edge, it's hard to live a straight edge lifestyle. It's extremely difficult to be me. But what concerns me now is that none of you realize how much more difficult it is to live the life that you all live. I'm positive nobody in here takes into account the long-term consequences of alcohol on your liver. See and you cheer that, that's nothing to cheer. You drink because it's fun, right? Eventually it's not gonna be fun anymore when it spirals out of control and it's no longer, it's no longer fun. Sooner or later, you're just drinking to feel normal. And then there's the smokers. You know, I don't know what's more disgusting is watching a smoker pollute his or her lungs with over 4,000 foreign chemicals, or having to listen to the smoker convince themselves that they can quit whenever they want to. It's, it's hard to quit, I know it takes a very strong person to quit. But an even stronger person never would have started smoking in the first place. ''[crowd chants "Hardy"]'' I didn't wanna come out here and be the bearer of bad news, but let's face facts. Chances are pretty slim that any of you here will ever get the monkey off your back. You'll never be able to pry the cigarette from your lips. Or find the self-control to pour your drink from your glass. Or the self-respect to take the pill out of your mouth. See, it starts and it can't happen without learning how to say no to temptation, and that's why I'm out here. I'm out here to challenge you before it's too late. Please, learn how to say no to temptation. Learn how to say no to your vices. Learn how to control yourselves. ''[Jeff Hardy's music hits and Jeff Hardy comes out]''
:'''Jeff Hardy''': You got a lot of nerve, Punk. A lot of nerve. I mean you think you're so right, but what you don't know about people can fill a book man. I mean, you're so stuck with yourself it's like, you forgot what it's like to be human. People make mistakes and those people can change.
:'''Punk''': No, Jeff. People, these people say they can change. You know what? I'm not, I'm not going to enable you right now. In fact, I don't even wanna be in the same ring as you right now. I'm gonna do what I always do, what you should have done a long time ago. I'm gonna just say no.
===August 28===
:''[Jeff Hardy has lost a steel cage match to CM Punk for the World Heavyweight Championship, meaning he has to leave WWE]''
:'''Jeff Hardy''': First of all, I'm sorry if I let anybody down. I'm sorry that now you'll be seeing CM Punk instead of me on ''SmackDown''. But it's been one hell of a ride, hasn't it? I just want to thank all of you and I wanna let you know that this is not goodbye forever. This is only goodbye for now. And if the time is right, I'm sure I'll see you in the future. Thank you all. Hey but at least Matt's back on my side, there's still a Hardy on this show! Yours truly, Jeff Hardy. Ours truly, this life.
== 2010 ==
===April 2===
:''[After Edge takes out Chris Jericho, following Chris telling him he would not get a rematch for his World Heavyweight Championship. Edge makes his way back up the entrance ramp]''
:'''Matt Striker''': What a way to kick off the first ''SmackDown'' after WrestleMania!
:'''Todd Grisham''': Once again, Edge's spear proves fatal.
:''[suddenly Jack Swagger runs in and knocks down Edge from behind with his Money in the Bank briefcase]''
:'''Todd & Matt''': Oh!
:'''Todd''': It - it's Jack Swagger, the Money in the Bank ladder match winner!
:''[Swagger makes his way into the ring and yells at Jericho to get up, before realizing his opportunity and making his way out of the ring]''
:'''Matt''': Inside that briefcase is a contract for a championship match at any time and - Jericho's out, Todd!
:'''Todd''': This-
:'''Jack''' ''[grabbing a mic]'': Get a ref out here right now, I'm cashing in my Money in the Bank!
:'''Matt''': Oh, yeah!
:'''Todd''' ''[as Swagger throws down the mic and gets back into the ring]'': Jack almost did it on ''Raw''!
:'''Matt''': Yeah!
:'''Todd''': He's called for a referee! Jack Swagger's cashing in his contract right now!
:'''Matt''': The bank of the All-American American is open and it's cash deposits only!
:'''Todd''': Where's the referee?
:''[referee Mike Chioda runs out to the ring]''
:'''Matt''': Here he comes! The real big deal, we're gonna have this now, awesome!
:'''Todd''': This is it! The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line!
:'''Matt''': The contract is being cashed in! ''[as Chioda hands the briefcase to the timekeepers on the outside]'' This is gonna be for the world's heavyweight championship!
:'''Todd''': Swagger like a caged lion right now! He can't wait! "Ring the bell", he says!
:'''Matt''' ''[as Swagger grows impatient while Chioda picks up the mics and Jericho's jacket laying in the ring]'': Well, the official has to clear the ring for the safety of the competitors, but man, does Jericho even realize Swagger is in the ring?
:'''Todd''': Swagger is having a fit! This is his moment! Swagger looking for his first world title!
:'''Matt''' ''[as the battered Jericho slowly gets to his feet]'': Swagger endured nine other superstars to capture the Money in the Bank contract, and now, it's on! ''[Chioda gives the signal and the bell rings]'' Here we go, the moment of a lifetime!
:'''Todd''' ''[as Swagger grabs Jericho]'': Swagger, setting up-
:'''Matt''': Hook it!
:'''Todd''': Gutwrench powerbomb! This is it! Jack Swagger for the cover! ''[as the referee counts]'' 1, 2, 3! ''[the bell rings again]'' We have a new World Heavyweight Champion! Unbelievable!
:''[the referee hands Swagger the World Heavyweight Championship title and raises his arm]''
:'''Tony Chimel''': Here is your winner, and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, the All-American American, Jack Swagger!
:'''Matt''': Let the reign begin! Jack Swagger has cashed in the Money in the Bank contract! Jack Swagger is our new world's heavyweight champion!
:'''Todd''': The two-time all-American American can now add a world championship to his resume!
:'''Matt''': Listen, this past Monday on ''Raw'', we thought that Jack Swagger may have cashed in the Money in the Bank contract on the new WWE Champion John Cena, but no, no! Jack Swagger had a much, much different plan!
:'''Todd''': It didn't feel right on Monday night; it feels fantastic on Friday. Jack Swagger-
:'''Matt''': Wow.
:'''Todd''': ...very patient, picked his moment, seized the day, and is now walking out as a world champion.
:'''Matt''': What an opportunist! What a perfect place for the strategy for the All-American American World Heavyweight Champion!
===June 4===
:'''Theodore Long''': Ladies and gentlemen, it is with great regret that I must inform you, that over the Memorial Day weekend, The Undertaker was found by his brother Kane, in a vegetative state. There is an ongoing investigation looking into who, or what, was responsible for this brutal, heinous attack.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Kane''': Open the coffin. ''[The Undertaker's druids open the casket, revealing it's empty]'' In all likelihood, the most feared, dreaded, respected force in the history of the WWE, The Undertaker, ''[crowd cheers]'' my brother, will no longer walk amongst us. Gone are the endless nights when The Undertaker would strike fear into the hearts of those in his presence. Gone is the face of darkness, his brilliance EXTINGUISHED by an act of cowardice. Gone is the specter that was beloved and admired by millions of creatures around the world. Gone from the WWE is its most iconic figure. And gone forever are the bonds of brotherhood. My brother will rise from the dead no more. Gone is The Undertaker. But soon enough, those responsible for this atrocity will too be gone. They will be committed to the depths of hell. To a torturous existence that they cannot fathom! I will personally prosecute and persecute ANYONE who had anything to do with this tragedy! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE, COLD, CUNNING, CRUEL! There will be vengeance never before seen or felt! Vengeance never before imagined! There will be a vengeance SWIFT, DECISIVE, AND TERRIBLE! YES! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE!
== 2011 ==
===January 28===
:''[Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews "Dashing" Cody Rhodes, one week after he suffered a broken nose in a match with Rey Mysterio. Cody's back is turned to the camera the entire time]''
:'''Todd''': Cody, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you about the injury you sustained last week.
:'''Cody''': Go ahead.
:'''Todd''': Could you...turn and face the camera? It's a live interview.
:'''Cody''': No, no-no! We're not shooting my face, Todd, not even you; not...not my face. After what Rey Mysterio did to my face, I may never be able to...show myself in public, ever again. ''[the crowd cheers]'' And I have it...I have it on good authority that Rey Mysterio didn't even wanna ''win'' that match, he wasn't concerned with winning that match, why else would he have kept his knee brace exposed? He wanted to...to bash my face in. And he succeeded! Because not only do I have a deviated septum and a broken nose...but I'm going to require extensive reconstructive surgery. Doctors have told me that...I am not to compete in the Royal Rumble match. ''[the crowd cheers again]'' So, not only...not only has Rey Mysterio shattered my face...he shattered my dreams of headlining WrestleMania. I don't understand...why would anyone wanna do that to my face? I, I am - I ''was'' - the most handsome man in the world; my looks...my looks defined me, I made my living off of my looks, and now...I can't even stand the sight of myself in the mirror. I read something the other day that was...very true for me right now, and it said that "it's not who we are on the inside but what we do that defines us." Well, Todd, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna - am I gonna keep standing? Am I gonna stand up? Am I gonna keep swinging, am I gonna keep fighting? Because Rey Mysterio doesn't decide my life, I DO!! Coming into the arena today, a little kid yelled at me and said, that I wasn't "dashing" anymore because of my face. Wanna know the worst part?...he's right. That's enough.
:'''Todd''': All right. Thank you very much, Cody.
== 2012 ==
===May 18===
:'''John Laurinaitis''': You like that, don't you?! I can't hear you! You like that, right?! You like it when somebody makes fun of their boss! Since I'm the general manager of ''Raw'' and ''SmackDown'', I've been tough but fair! I've sometimes been generous. I've been benevolent. But you don't get it, do you? I work hard for you, the WWE Universe, and it seems like the harder I work, the more you like the crap all over me! Now, I'm not gonna blame John Cena and CM Punk for their actions. I'm gonna blame each and every one of you. You support what they do! You support what they say! It's your fault! I detest each and every one of you! YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU! And if this is my last night on ''SmackDown'', I want all you inmates to remember the last thing I say: you can all go to hell!
===May 25===
:'''Big Show''': Now, the Monday before Over the Limit, I was fired. Now, a lot of you people know what that's like, but I've never been fired before. So, like most of you, I wasn't too proud to beg for my job. But, see, the difference between me and those of you that have been fired, you don't love what you do. It's just a job. I love what I do. I'm a 7-foot 440-pound giant that loves dominating people. Now, when I lost my dream job, I didn't know what to do. I had no visible means of supporting my family. I became very despondent. I couldn't speak. I couldn't eat. I could barely breathe. I felt betrayed. I felt betrayed by all my so-called friends in and out of the ring. I felt betrayed by each and every one of you. Not one of you! ''[audience boos]'' Oh, yeah. Not one of you. Not one of the superstars in the locker room. Not one member of our production or technical crew came to my defense. After all the years and all the things I've done, that's what I get? ''[hears "You sold out!" chants]'' I sold out. Is that it? I did not sell out. No, I did not sell out. After everything that I had done for you people, this is the thanks I get. I realized, at that very moment, I realized I have no friends. I realized that I am alone in this world. And then... then, I got the call. Let me ask you. When you're drowning, do you really care where the lifeline comes from? ''[hears "Cena" chants]'' So, I made a deal. If I help John Laurinaitis defeat John Cena, I got my life back. I got a new contract and a big fat bonus. All Laurinaitis had to do was, at some point during the match, escape from John Cena and it was set. I would drag Laurinaitis back to the ring like I wanted revenge. It was just a ruse for John Cena. When I threw Laurinaitis to Cena, I knew exactly what was going to happen next. With one punch, I knocked John Cena out cold. Then, I watched Laurinaitis pin John Cena for the 1-2-3. And at No Way Out, I'm gonna do it again. You see, I understand now. You people... you people really never cared about me. Never. Well, now, I damn sure don't care about you.
===June 15===
:'''Big Show''': Look, I have no reason to lie about whether I punched Vince McMahon in the face last Monday on Raw on purpose or not. I have no reason to lie. If I came out here and said, "I did it on purpose," no idea, I might get fired but I would still get paid millions of dollars to stay at home and do nothing. So because I don't have to lie, I'm gonna tell you all the truth. Even... even when I was in WCW, I never really was allowed to reach my fullest potential because I was never allowed to outshine the so-called faces of the company. You know Hulk Hogan, Sting, Ric Flair, whatever. When the chance came and I finally became a free agent, everyone gave me advice. Everyone says, "You've got to go to WWE. You've got to talk to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon can make you the biggest star in entertainment both literally and figuratively." So, I came to the WWE. I talked to Vince McMahon. So, I talked to Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon says to me, he says, ''[mimicking Vince McMahon]'' "You know, you gotta.. you gotta be a... a better businessman. You got... you got to learn to let people care about you. You got to let people in. You know, you got to learn to put on a show. Matter of fact, your name's no longer Paul Wight, your name's the Big Show." Great name. So, for 14 years, I did it Vince McMahon's way, and meanwhile, guys like John Cena, CM Punk, Randy Orton, Sheamus, they all rose to the top and I'm sitting on the sidelines. Supposed to be happy about being some kind of "special attraction"? Me, on the sidelines. I even tried it Cena's way. For ten years, I smiled, I cracked jokes, I ran to the ring slapping high-fives with the WWE Universe. I am proud that I am not John Cena. So, I think in the steel cage match, I think I'm gonna make up for lost time. I think I'm finally gonna show the world what I'm truly capable of and the best part is, I am not burdened with what you people think anymore. Yes, boo me, 'cause, unlike what I did to Vince McMahon, what I do to John Cena will be extremely deliberate. It will be calculated. It will be uncomfortable. I may be a sellout to you but this Sunday, I will make John Cena suffer. For 14 years I've been in the WWE, you know, I'm looking at this Sunday, I'm looking at No Way Out, the steel cage match this Sunday, I'm looking as my first match and I will be victorious, I guarantee it.
== 2017 ==
=== February 14 ===
:'''Bray Wyatt''': She never said this will be easy. "They will lie to you," she said. "They will try to denounce you," she said. "They will try to steal your gift," and she was right. Sister Abigail always spoke the truth, and so do I. So when I tell you that I knew this day would come, I am not telling you a lie! And on this day, in this moment in time right now, this very second, I can truly say that I have ''[holds high the newly-won WWE Championship]'' the whole damn world in my hands.
:Now, too much power, that can be a very, very scary thing. Not for me, of course, but for all of you. So I say unto you, open your ears, and I will sing you a beautiful melody. Open your eyes, and I will show you the wonders of this world! Walk by my side, and I will lead you to paradise! Stand in my way, and you will burn in the fire.
:Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you all to the Era of Wyatt!
== 2020 ==
===March 13===
:'''Triple H''': Welcome to ''Friday Night SmackDown'' on Fox. I'm The Game, Triple H, and I would like to personally welcome you to the WWE Performance Center. This 30,000 square foot amazing state-of-the-art facility with its seven rings and its world-class strength and conditioning and medical is designed to bring you the WWE superstars of the future. This is the athletic hub of the WWE. On any given day, there are a hundred athletes from all over the world training here, putting their heart and soul into everything they do, with the ultimate goal being the ultimate privilege of performing for you. Everybody from Sasha Banks, Bayley, Asuka, Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, Baron Corbin, they have all walked through these doors. And tonight, they will return to the Performance Center. Not to train, but to do what they have been trained to do better than anyone else on this planet, and that is entertain you. Now, this show will be different from anything you have ever seen before. So, sit back, relax, and if you can, forget about the world around you, and let WWE do what we do, let us put a smile on your face. Welcome to ''Friday Night SmackDown'' on Fox.
===June 26===
:'''King Corbin''': How about that, hmm? The Undertaker's final match. It just happened to be 30 years after his ''first'' match. But you guys know why they call it a boneyard match? Huh? Because that's exactly what the Undertaker is: an old bag of bones. The Undertaker's just a shell of what he used to be. I mean, he's supposed to have some storied 30-year career. Wow. Do you know how many of those years the Undertaker spent kissing the ass of a certain family? Do you know there actually used to be a club around here called the "Kiss My Ass" club? And the Undertaker, well, he was the founding member. I mean, really, a 30-year career. Nobody does that. It's impossible. Unless, unless, unless, unless you're coddled and protected by the owners. It's exactly what he was. Protected for 30 years. Undertaker, you've been stealing money from this company for the last 20 years. And you know what else, I think you're a selfish son-of-a-bitch because you've been holding superior athletes, like myself, down for a very, very long time. And now, now I gotta stand around and I gotta hear all these Hall of Famers and these legends pay their respects to the Undertaker. Matter of fact, then, all these fools come out to the stage and they chant, "Thank you, Taker." You know what? Taker, I don't thank you. Oh, don't start with that stupid chant! ''[audience chants "Thank you, Taker."]'' No, no, no, it's very simple. Matter of fact, Mark Calaway, I wanna leave you with one final thought...you suck!
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== 2021 ==
===April 9===
:'''Edge''': I went to [[w:WrestleMania VI|WrestleMania VI]]; [[w:Hulk Hogan|Hulk Hogan]] vs. [[w:The Ultimate Warrior|The Ultimate Warrior]]. And that night, I-I knew what I needed to do with the rest of my life. A-and when I dream things, I HAVE to manifest them. That's the way things work in my world, and-and some of you may relate, but a lot of you won't because common sense isn't very common. And I did... I became a WWE Superstar. A Superstar who accomplished everything. Everything... but ending my career on my terms. Now, some of you will also say "Well, isn't that enough?", and if you have to ask "Isn't that enough?", then you have NO idea the mentality it takes — to see the heights that I've seen... to fight back for your career for 9 years. See, I didn't walk away from this: I had this ripped away from me! I didn't try to forge another career off the back of this; THIS IS ALL that I wanted to do! And I fought... and I ripped my career right back outta fate's hands. I didn't come back for some "Greatest Hits" tour; to be a shell of my former self. I came back to steal the show, TO MAIN EVENT WRESTLEMANIA! And I missed 9 of 'em, so I won't apologize for that. So Daniel Bryan... (scoffs) you come out here saying this could be your last WrestleMania — Have you heard, everyone? This could be Daniel Bryan's last WrestleMania. A month in your career's like a YEAR in mine; WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS FOR ME?! So you... you use sympathy as a factor to weasel your way into this match, and then, before that, though, you had these ridiculous ideas: "Well, why don't I face the winner of Roman and Edge?" I'm assuming right after we face each other, well that got shot down. Okay, fine. "Well, why don't I face Edge on the Saturday of WrestleMania and the winner faces Roman on the Sunday?" Well, that got shot down. But, somehow, this has now been made a Triple Threat Match. Which means, Daniel Bryan can pin Roman Reigns, and I have nothing to do with that. That... that could happen. So, instead of a 1-on-1 match, a clash of the titans between TWO ERAS, now we have some indie, book store... c-clerk... troll sticking his nose in our business. Now Roman Reigns... you walk around here, man, like everyone owes you something, like you created this. I don't owe you anything. In fact, you owe ME. I mean, let's run it back: You came into the WWE in a [[w:The Shield (professional wrestling)|3-man group]]... you made your entrance through the crowd... you use a Spear as your finisher, well who set that template for you? You're [[w:Samoans|Samoan]] Edge. (chuckles) But I will say... you're good. You always have been, and I seen what you've become. I came back to swing for the fences, and Roman, you are the [[w:Green Monster|Green Monster]]. And now we had our match ripped away from us, and not only that, but the fans have had it ripped away from them. And I think some of them are on to Daniel Bryan now, except for the, the lemmings who chant "Yes!" just like they used to chant "What?". And somewhere, in all of this, SOMEWHERE, in ALL of this, t-the fact that has been lost is that this match takes place 10 years to the day, w-when I was forced to retire. It's not mentioned; no video packages, no social media platforms, no... touching videos with piano music as the bed. No, NOTHING. Anyone else? If that's Daniel Bryan, that narrative is driven into the GROUND. A-and, wh-why? Why am I having to remind everyone of this? It's because since I've been back, I have not received the respect that I deserve. I-I fought back from a torn triceps to enter the [[w:Royal Rumble (2021)|Royal Rumble]], start number 1, outlast 29 other Superstars and punch my ticket to the main event of WrestleMania. I shouldn't have to jump through hoops! I have come back from something that no one, NO ONE, in the history of sports — let alone [[w:Sports entertainment|sports entertainment]] — has ever come back from: Nine years! A TRIPLE FUSION IN MY NECK!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE PAIN THAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH TO GET THIS BACK!!!! You wanna call me some kind of "part-timer"? You think I'm gonna come out here and phone it in? I am doing hurricanranas off the top rope! I am competing at a level that NO ONE has ever done from this type of injury! That is a slap in the face to me, and my work ethic! So now... it's time for me... to take, and demand, the respect that I deserve. You will put respect on my name! In case you forgot, in case you never knew; I AM THE RATED-R SUPERSTAR! You can call it "fate", you can call it "God's will", you can call it whatever the Hell you want. I am the NEXT Universal Champion... because I've DREAMT IT... and now... I will MANIFEST IT.
===October 22===
:'''Adam Pearce''': Ladies and gentlemen, no single individual can come out here and hold this show hostage or cause the kind of chaos we just witnessed. Make no mistake, Brock Lesnar's actions were completely unacceptable, completely irresponsible. And not just the property damage, he endangered our crew, he endangered our officials, he endangered his fellow superstars, and worst of all, Brock Lesnar endangered the WWE Universe, and that cannot happen. I cannot allow that to happen, not on my watch. Therefore, I have the unfortunate duty to inform all of you that due to his actions tonight, I am indefinitely suspending Brock Lesnar.
===October 29===
:'''Adam Pearce''': Brock Lesnar's actions last week were disgusting, reprehensible, and, if I'm being honest, an act of total cowardice. How dare he lay his hands on the heart of his corporate engine. I give every piece of myself to this company and I will not...I will not be disrespected. That cannot, will not happen again. I called Mr. Lesnar earlier today and I informed him over the telephone that due to his actions, in addition to his suspension, I'm hereby fining him the sum of $1 million. Thank you.
===December 17===
:'''Roman Reigns''': Chicago, you see, I said this before, and I thought I made it very clear. I don't like it when my cousins lose. You know that, right, Jey? But we're family, and we can get through anything because we're blood. ''[Turns to Paul Heyman]'' But you... you're not my blood. And you should know better than anybody that I can't have people disrespecting me, because if you disrespect me, you disrespect our entire family. So I'm gonna ask you a few questions that I thought I already asked and I figured I knew the answers to already, but...can I trust you, wise man? I took a week off, and it's like... I didn't see nothing, but I know everything that happens around here, and last week, you seemed a little shady to me. So let's get this straight. I wanna know this. Did you know Brock was gonna return at SummerSlam? Did you know Brock was gonna be at Madison Square Garden? Did you know Brock's suspension was gonna be lifted? ''[hears "You screwed up!" chants]'' Oh, you're damn right he screwed up.
:This is the most important question. Are you a special counsel, or are you an advocate? ''[As the crowd chants "Advocate," Paul motions for a mic]'' Now, before you say anything, I want you to acknowledge me with the truth. Why are you protecting Brock Lesnar from me?
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[trembling]'' My Tribal Chief, I'm not protecting Brock Lesnar from ''you.'' ''[Looks up to the sky]'' Help me. I'm protecting ''you'' from Brock Lesnar.
:'''Roman''': ''[slowly embracing Paul]'' I love you, wise man.
:'''Paul''': I love you too, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': And I thank you for your honesty, and I thank you for 40 years of service to my family.
:'''Paul''': I love you, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': And you're fired.
==2022==
===February 4===
:'''Paul Heyman''': Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I'm here tonight to serve as special counsel to your Tribal Chief, the reigning, defending, undisputed, uncontroverted WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, Roman Reigns.
:You know why we bothered to come here tonight? To acknowledge what ''really'' happened. Let's acknowledge a couple of uncomfortable truths right now. There was no plot, there was no scenario, there was no conspiracy. This was not done to make Brock Lesnar look foolish, though he looks like a damn fool now anyway. History, the evolution, the trajectory of this entire industry unfolded in front of your very eyes. On December 17, live in a great city called Chicago, I acknowledge that I made the biggest mistake of my entire career. And it wasn't the fact that I told Roman Reigns what I actually felt in my heart, it was what was in my heart that I must acknowledge made me look really foolish. I told the Head of the Table, I told the greatest champion in the history of WWE that he needed to be protected from Brock Lesnar because that's what I honestly thought after spending 20 years of my life with Brock Lesnar. And I got fired, and I got Superman Punched right in the face because of it. And ladies and gentlemen, I acknowledge I deserved every bit of it.
:So there I was, like an unemployed Oklahoman, just out in the ocean of obscurity, languishing, just miserable because I knew my entire career was over. But then, then I saw the moment, and I seized the opportunity when COVID picked the wrong human being to infect, and Roman Reigns couldn't make Day 1. I got Brock Lesnar into an unscheduled fatal 5-way, and Brock Lesnar pulled off what only he or Roman Reigns could've pulled off. Brock Lesnar became the WWE Champion of the world, and everything was gonna be fine. Brock Lesnar on ''Raw'', Roman Reigns on ''SmackDown!'', both ruling the roost, and everybody was in their place, except...''[motioning between himself and Roman]'' this.
:So what did Brock Lesnar do his first night as champion? He makes the conscious decision, "we're gonna go to ''SmackDown!'', I'm gonna get up in Roman Reigns's face, and I'm gonna challenge Roman Reigns to title vs. title, champion vs. champion, winner-take-all at WrestleMania." How freakin' stupid is that?! It's as stupid as that damn smile on his face and the beard and this freakin' ponytail! Brock Lesnar looks like a schmuck, and now he acts like a schmuck! He wants to challenge Roman Reigns instead of just accepting his place in history over on ''Raw''.
:And I knew right there, I was stuck. I knew I had no way out. I screwed up with the Tribal Chief, I'm stuck with a happy Saskatchewan farmer who just wants to come in here and take everybody to Suplex City. And we get to Royal Rumble, and Brock Lesnar does just that. Brock Lesnar took Bobby Lashley to Suplex City. And then, Roman Reigns showed this conqueror that a GOAT can always slay a Beast, because I thought I was gonna spend my life saying, "ladies and gentlemen, the ''reigning, defending, undisputed...''" You will never hear that again.
:Because Roman Reigns came into the ring at the Royal Rumble, and he smashed Brock Lesnar. ''[Drops to his knees]'' And at that moment in my life, I understood I don't need to protect Roman Reigns from Brock Lesnar; I needed to protect Brock Lesnar from Roman Reigns! Roman Reigns came to me, and he offered me the hand of forgiveness, he... he offered me the hand of love, he offered me the hand of family, he offered me the hand of the Bloodline. Roman Reigns offered me the hand of acknowledgement, and I handed Roman Reigns that WWE Championship, and he smashed Brock Lesnar in the face with it. And because of Roman Reigns, Bobby Lashley pinned Brock Lesnar, and Bobby Lashley is your new WWE Heavyweight Champion.
:Which means you now all have to acknowledge that there will be no title vs. title, champion vs. champion, winner-take-all at WrestleMania because Brock Lesnar does not get what Brock Lesnar wants. Brock Lesnar will do what Roman Reigns wants Brock Lesnar to do. And at WrestleMania, Brock Lesnar will acknowledge ''the'' champion, Roman Reigns.
:Hey, Brock, this is how it's done. ''[Turns to Roman]'' I, Paul Heyman, acknowledge you, Roman Reigns, as my Tribal Chief. And now, Oklahoma City, this is your chance to show a worldwide audience your moment in history! OKC, acknowledge your Tribal Chief!
===March 4===
:'''Sami Zayn''' ''[throwing a fit after losing the Intercontinental Championship]'' It should've been mine! That championship is mine! What are you following me for, huh? Why are you following me?! You like following me with your little cameras when I'm humiliated. Is that it? Is that it? You wanna follow me when I'm down just like Johnny Knoxville? Following me everywhere. Following me on Instagram and stalking me in my comments. Following me every week to Smackdown. I got an idea, Knoxville! You wanna follow me so bad? Why don't you follow me to Dallas and I will see you at WrestleMania!
===May 20===
:'''Roman''': Grand Rapids...acknowledge me! You see, tonight's special. Tonight is a special night because you're not only acknowledging your Tribal Chief. No, no, no, tonight, you acknowledge my cousins, the Usos. Which means tonight, you acknowledge the Bloodline! Wise man.
:'''Paul''': Yes, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': Tell them why.
:'''Paul''': ''[taking the mic]'' Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the single biggest night in the history of tag team wrestling. You see, what we have on the Island of Relevancy is the moment of truth tonight. Roman Reigns is the GOAT, undisputed, the Greatest of All Time. You can take your Bruno Sammartinos, you can take your Hulk Hogans, you can take your Stone Cold Steve Austins, you can take your Dwayne "The Rock" Johnsons, you can take your Brock Lesnars, you can take your John Cenas. You can stack them all up, and that's what would happen if they stepped into the ring at the same time with the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns. They would be stacked up and smashed and pinned by the undisputed GOAT, the Greatest of All Time, Roman Reigns.
:And while you sit there with your insecure cheers, here's something you have to acknowledge. Each and every single night of his life, Roman Reigns defends the position of being the greatest of all time. Because that's what it takes to be the Tribal Chief on the Island of Relevancy. So what, what does it take for the Usos to be the greatest tag team of all time? And I say that with a lot of nervousness in my voice because I stand in the ring with the descendants, the direct descendants of Afa and Sika. So to claim "greatest tag team of all time" would be pretty disrespectful if you don't do something that not even Afa and Sika, the Wild Samoans, ever accomplished. What is that accomplishment? Unifying the tag team titles! Don't just be the longest-reigning SmackDown Tag Team Champions of all time, be the only tag team ever, ''ever'' to be SmackDown Tag Team Champions and Raw Tag Team Champions at the very same time. And to do so, the Usos have to defeat Randy Orton and Riddle, RK-Bro.
:Let's give credit where credit's due. This is the best tag team in ''SmackDown'' against the best tag team on ''Raw'', perhaps the best tag team in the history of ''Monday Night Raw''. But the Usos have to earn their spot. They have to be relevant, they can't be yesterday's news, and it's not enough to just be the cousins of the Tribal Chief. So tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the Usos will come home the Undisputed Tag Team Champions, or they won't come home to the Island of Relevancy at all. Tonight, the Usos will beat RK-Bro! Tonight, the Usos will become the greatest tag team of all time! Tonight, the Usos will be the undisputed tag team champions of the world! And that's not just a prediction. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a spoiler.
:'''Roman''': Usos! Twins, you know what I want, and I expect you to deliver. The only reason I have these expectations is because I love you.
===October 7===
:'''Maxxine''': What is going on here?! I'm so over this! Max, what were you thinking?
:'''LA Knight''': Do NOT call me that name again. I gave you and them gold and y'all turned into trash! You think I'm just gonna hang out here and be something I'm not? Nah, nah! What I'm not: Max. What I am, who I am: LA Knight, yeah.
===October 21===
:'''Michael Cole''': Sami Zayn, who I say is doing his best Greg Hirsch impersonation, if you watch ''Succession''.
:'''Wade Barrett''': I do, indeed. I'd say he's more like Tom, if you ask me. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't trust either of them.
==2023==
===June 16===
:'''Roman Reigns''': I know what they want. They want answers, Jey. So what's it gonna be? Are you in, or are you out?
:'''Jey Uso''': You tell me, Uce. Hey, it's either gonna be him ''[pointing at Paul Heyman]'', or it's me.
:'''Roman''': Alright, listen. When you're Tribal Chief, you can pick anyone you want to be to be your wise man. This is my wise man. He's not the Bloodline's wise man, he's not Jey's wise man, he's not Jimmy's wise man. No, he's ''my'' wise man. He's here to help me as I lead. That's what you don't understand. I was only meant to get us to the promised land; you're meant to keep us here. You understand? You're meant to keep us here. You're meant to keep us at the top of the mountain.
:Wise man said that we started grooming you. No, no, no, we've been grooming you for over three years now. Three years now of hard work and equity into you. Why do you think you're the right-hand man? Why do you think we put you in a position to become the Main Event Jey Uso? Because you're meant to lead, just not yet. So the problem isn't the wise man, and I told you this before. The problem...is your brother.
:I know. I've been with you my whole lives, you're inseparable. That's what it is. You're twins. But you have to understand...
:'''Jimmy Uso''': ''[entering the arena and ring]'' Yo, yo. The problem isn't your brother, Jey. The problem is our cousin. Yeah, let's get right to it. Let's get right to it, Uce. You say you're a leader, and you say he's grooming you. But in reality, he's using you, bro. Yeah. Look at me. You actually believe this garbage that is coming out of his mouth? Look at me, Uce. You believe this? Over me?
:'''Roman''': ''[laughing as the crowd chants "USO!"]'' Listen to them. They weren't doing this ten years ago. Hell, it took ten years just to get y'all ''in'' WrestleMania. And since you've been with me, you've main-evented every single one! He's an anchor, I'm the wings! I lift you up, he drags you down! You have a great future in front to you, I told you. You're the next in line, you're the successor, you're the next Tribal Chief. And guess what. You can't be a Tribal Chief and a twin at the same time.
:So go ahead. Let him say... let him plead to you, let him beg you, let him give you that brother love. But hey, I can put on a mask, too. You know what I'm saying? But the reality is... actually, wise man.
:'''Paul Heyman''': I love you, my Tribal Chief. Yes, my Tribal Chief.
:'''Roman''': When we named Jey the right-hand man, who was the only one that had a problem with it?
:'''Paul''': ''[hesitantly]'' His brother.
:'''Roman''': It wasn't the wise man, it was his suggestion.
:'''Paul''': ''[to Jey]'' I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
:'''Jey''': ''[to Jimmy]'' Is that true? Hey, look at me! Is that true?!
:'''Jimmy''': It's true, man.
:'''Jey''': Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute. So this whole damn time, you've been doubting me?!
:'''Jimmy''': I never doubted you...
:'''Jey''': No! No! I expect that from him, but not you! Let me guess. Because you know what's best for both of us, right? Big brother, right? "Listen to your older brother, Joshua. That's your older brother, Joshua." That's all I heard growing up!
:Hey, you know what? Me and you be competing against him, when in all reality, I've been trying to keep up with your ass! Mister... Mr. Prom Prince right here. Mr. Prom King right here. Mr. Player of the Year. Mr. Most Likely to Succeed. Hey, hey, hey, guess what. A blessing happened in disguise. You got hurt, I stepped up! I main-evented ''SmackDown!'', I main-evented pay-per-views, I main-evented WrestleMania. You know why? They know us now! I'm the right-hand man, Main Event Jey Uso, and it's all because of him!
:So guess what! You out! And I'm out, too.
:''[Jey superkicks Roman to the shock of Paul and Solo Sikoa]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Oh, my God! ''[Solo runs into a superkick from Jimmy]'' Solo's stunned... ''[...and another...]'' from both Usos!
:''[The Usos turn to leave the ring, but turn back towards Roman's screaming. They both superkick Roman.]''
:'''Michael''': The Bloodline is done as we know it! Roman's empire has crumbled! [[Julius Caesar (play)#Act III|Et tu, Jey!]]
===August 25===
:'''Michael Cole''': Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This past week, we lost two beloved members of our WWE family: Hall of Famer Terry Funk, and the one and only Bray Wyatt. Tonight on ''Friday Night SmackDown'', we will honor their legacy and celebrate their lives. The lives of two incredible men who have touched all of us with their passion, their creativity, and their spirit. Please join us for a moment of silence in our traditional ten bell salute.
===December 22===
:''[During the 8-women Holiday Havoc match]''
:'''Corey Graves''': I'll let you in on a little holiday mythology, KP: every time a table breaks, an angel gets its wings. I didn't just make that up, either.
:'''Kevin Patrick''': ''[as Bianca Belair slams a gift box onto Iyo Sky's head]'' What's in ''this'' present?
:'''Corey''': Nothing. Ask [[w:Dick in a Box|Justin Timberlake]].
<hr width=50%>
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as Michin hits a senton bomb on Iyo Sky]'' Senton through the table!
:'''Corey''': [[National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation|Hallelujah! Holy crap! Where's the Tylenol?]]
==2024==
===January 6===
:''[Nick Aldis tries to talk to Paul Heyman as The Bloodline ruin the Triple-Threat match between AJ Styles, Randy Orton, and LA Knight]''
:'''Nick Aldis''': Oh and one more thing...
:'''Paul Heyman''': Don't touch me!! ''[walks off]''
:'''Aldis''': ''[slows him down]'' Hey hey, when he's done celebrating ''[refers to Roman Reigns lording over Orton]'', tell him congratulations.
:'''Heyman''': Now why?
:'''Aldis''': 'Cause he just earned himself a Fatal Four-Way match with all three of these guys at the Royal Rumble. ''[smiles, taps Paul on the arm and walks off, leaving Heyman visibly shocked]''
===June 21===
:''[CM Punk addresses the Bloodline, but remembers something]''
:'''CM Punk''': Paul.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Yes?
:'''Punk''': What's the favor you wanted to ask of me if I do you this favor?
:'''Heyman''': ''[comes to Punk distressed]'' Take me with you! ''[The Bloodline is shocked]''
:'''Punk''': Solo, Solo, I acknowledge... ''[Solo mouths off "say it"]'' the fact that I don't see the Bloodline standing in front of me, I see a bunch of fake-ass Usos, and ''[points to Solo]'' a phony cosplay Tribal Chief!
:''[The Bloodline rushes the ring, but leave when Cody Rhodes appears and he gives CM Punk a bat]''
:'''Cody Rhodes''': Solo, you fashion yourself the head of the Table right?
:'''Solo Sikoa''': Damn right, damn right!
:'''Rhodes''': I've already beaten one head of the Table. So why don't you leave your family backstage, Kevin and Randy won't accompany me. We settle this here, we settle this TONIGHT!
===June 28===
:'''Kevin Owens''': Hey, Bloodline! If you thought we were gonna wait until Money in the Bank, you're even dumber than you look.
:'''Randy Orton''': Hey, Kev, check it out. The Bloodline has been crawling up my ass for over two years. They put me on the shelf for 18 freaking months. So at Money in the Bank, we put The Bloodline down for good.
:'''Cody Rhodes''': The Bloodline looks in this ring and you know what they see? They see three victims. I don't see three victims. I see one of the most dangerous men on the planet, somebody that's headlined Wrestlemania. I see my friend, Kevin Owens. And I see a 14-time world champion, a first ballot Hall of Famer, a man who's responsible for me standing here, The Legend Killer, Randy Orton. And here's what else I see: I see a sold-out world's famous arena, Madison Square Garden. You see, magic like this or crowd like this, I should be defending my WWE Championship here tonight against a worthy credible opponent. Instead, I'm fighting a war with The Bloodline, I respectfully I thought I already finished at Wrestlemania. ''[NYPD shows up]'' Solo, look at me. At Money in the Bank, I don't know why we're calling it The Bloodline because I don't see a boss. I don't see a Tribal Chief. I don't see the Head of the Table. I see a seat filler.
<hr width=50%>
:''[Solo reiterates his leadership of the Bloodline. The other members have acknowledged him, but when he asks it of Paul Heyman...]''
:'''Paul Heyman''': Solo, I love you...
:'''Solo Sikoa''': I love you, too.
:'''Heyman''': ''[anguished]'' ...and I acknowledge... ''[readies ula fala garland]'' that you are NOT MY TRIBAL CHIEF!!! ''[throws away ula fala and mic, and gets slammed by a furious Solo's Samoan Spike]''
:'''Corey Graves''': Oh, my God! Samoan Spike to the wise man!
:'''Wade Barrett''': The biggest mistake of Heyman's life, and it might be his last.
:'''Solo''': ''[as Paul is on the mat]'' I loved you! You hear me?! I loved you! I tried! I tried! You understand me?! I loved you! I tried! Jacob, get him up there!!
==2025==
===July 25===
:'''Triple H''': Ladies and gentlemen, yesterday, we lost one of the biggest and most globally recognized icons in the world. A man I grew up watching, was fortunate enough to share the ring with, and like so many of us, were honored to call a friend. The truth is, he captivated millions of people and inspired them around the globe. We would not be standing here right now, all of us together, if it was not for him. So please, help us honor him now, as we give a ten-bell salute to Terry Bollea, the one, and the only, the immortal, Hulk Hogan.
===August 1===
:''[Cody Rhodes interrupts John Cena, but before he can speak, Cena makes a "Quiet" gesture]''
:'''John Cena''': Cody Rhodes, I told you I was exhausted, and that a match at SummerSlam would be too difficult for me. You didn't listen. You assaulted me. You forged my signature, and you forced me into one of the most dangerous matches in WWE on one of its grandest stages for its biggest championship. I only got one thing left to say to you. ''[pauses briefly]'' Thank you. 'Cause that was just the boot in the ass that I needed. For 25 years, day in and day out, I have forged a reputation off of hard work, honesty and respect. And I now realize that, five months ago, I flushed it all down the toilet, chasing false glory when I bought into somebody's crazy idea to make shocking TV. And we did. We shocked the world. We made great TV, but then the dust settles. And then everybody goes back to their normal lives, and the people that were supposed to be on my team, they left. And they left me alone, trying to pretend to be something I'm not. I want to leave here with this. ''[holds up the Undisputed WWE Championship]'' After my last match, I want to take this home with me, but it's not because I want to ruin wrestling. Geez, you guys know, I don't want to ruin wrestling. I love wrestling. I want to take this with me, so after I'm gone, you guys don't forget about me. ''[the crowd cheers]'' I was so hung up on how you might see me tomorrow that I forgot to realize how stupid I am acting today. And y'all tried to tell me. Over and over again, you tried to tell me, and I didn't listen. Cody, ''you'' tried to tell me, and I didn't listen. But you did what a good friend should do. You forced me to face it. You forced me into a fight. ''[puts the Undisputed WWE Championship on his shoulder]'' Not a match. A fight. Something that's gonna be brutal. Something that is gonna force me to dig down and be who I really am! Something that if I don't show up FOR WAR, I shouldn't show up AT ALL! Mark your calendar, Cody! August 1, 2025, Newark, New Jersey: THE DAY THAT JOHN CENA CAME BACK TO THE WWE! ''[the crowd cheers]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena!
:'''Cena''': You hear that?! I don't know who leaves with this on Sunday, but I do know who wins: ''[points to the WWE Universe]'' each and every one of you! ''[the crowd cheers]'' Because I'm finally over my own BS, and at long last, we get to see Cody Rhodes face off against the Greatest Of All Time at my best… ''[the crowd cheers]'' with something to prove in a main event Street Fight with no rules that ''you'' wanted! Well, if you want some…
:'''Crowd''': COME GET SOME!
:'''Cena''': ''[holds up the Undisputed WWE Championship]'' …come get some! ''[the crowd cheers]'' And on Sunday, the only platinum rapper showing up to whip your ass is me. ''[the crowd cheers wildly]'' '''THE CHAMP… IS… HERE!!!!!''' ''[the crowd continues cheering wildly as Cena holds the Undisputed WWE Championship up high]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena! Cena! ''[Cody takes off his jacket and grabs two beer cans from ringside]''
:'''Cody Rhodes''': Welcome back, John Cena. ''[the crowd cheers]''
:'''Joe Tessitore''': This is incredible. ''[Cody and Cena each take a beer can and open it. Then they shake hands and each take a sip as the crowd cheers]'' He's back. The real John Cena that Cody wanted, he's getting him, Wade.
:'''Wade Barrett''': What the hell just happened, Joe Tess? ''[Cody leaves]''
:'''Joe''': In a span of 15 minutes, and 30 seconds, it went from a cascade of boos to the cheers and the standing ovation he received for two decades of well-earned work. John Cena declaring that Cody Rhodes gave him the wake-up call he needed. That he was stupid, that everybody tried to tell him. ''[Cena climbs to the second turnbuckle and holds the Undisputed WWE Championship up high as his music plays and the crowd cheers]'' But being forced into a fight, he acknowledges he doesn't want to ruin wrestling! He wants to be who he's always been and that he's over his own BS! John Cena is back! The wake-up call embraced by a massive crowd here the night before SummerSlam as Cody Rhodes grabs the beers and toasts to that, and it comes your way Sunday. ''[Cena slides out of the ring and embraces his wife]''
:'''Wade''': Well, I kept waiting for John Cena to drop the hammer and cheap shot Cody Rhodes like this was another ruse, but apparently not, and this Street Fight on Sunday for the Undisputed WWE Championship just got a whole hell of a lot more interesting. Because if the real John Cena truly is back, I promise you, the mountain for Cody Rhodes just got a hell of a lot steeper this Sunday at SummerSlam. ''[Cena walks back to the entrance way and holds the Undisputed WWE Championship up high as the crowd cheers]''
===September 5===
:''[CM Punk has had enough of the tongue-lashing from Becky Lynch over having nobody by his side facing her and mocking him as a disgrace to Chicago]''
:'''CM Punk''': Becky, this is the situation I wanted to avoid, because you know, I know, everybody knows, I would never put my hands on a lady. Thankfully, I got somebody who will. ''[AJ Lee's music kicks in]''
===September 26===
:''[Drew McIntyre comes out wearing a protective medical boot following his loss to Cody Rhodes at WrestlePalooza]''
:'''Drew McIntyre''': You know, it just occurred to me when I walked out here this is the same arena I returned to WWE in 2017. I sat right there at Takeover. It's the same arena I beat Randy Orton in front of a bunch of screens for my second WWE Championship right there. [points to the middle of the ring] And it's the same arena I should have walked out for the first time in front of live fans as WWE Champion, but I'm not champion… because of Cody Rhodes. I had Cody beat on Saturday. I could see it in his eyes. Everybody could feel it, but Cody was one step ahead, wasn't he? He's a master Chess player. Think back to the match. Exhibit A: The referee took a full six seconds to finally count a pinfall I had! Exhibit B: I had Cody dead to rights for a Claymore. I was gonna put his head right through the announce table 'cause that's the only way you're gonna take down Super Cody, and what happened? The referee got between us, and why? Why? Is it a DQ? It's my match to throw away, but let me ask you this: If I Claymored Cody's head into those steel steps, is it a DQ? No! He protected him, gave him a chance to move, and it cost me the damn Championship! Do the referees work for WWE? Or do they work for Cody Rhodes? I don't blame the ref. Ryan Tran, I forgive you. You've got a family to provide for. I blame Cody Rhodes! He's got all the power, and with great power comes great responsibility and even greater corruption, and that's exactly what's going on here!
:'''Nick Aldis''': You know something, Drew... [walks out] A lot of things you said actually make sense. I actually see a lot of this from your point of view, but you and I know this is wrestling. You win some, you lose some. Sometimes you're the hammer, sometimes you're the nail. It wasn't your night. Don't make excuses. I've known you a long time. You're better than that. And speaking of, I saw you kick the table, but I don't know where that boot came from, because it didn't come from our medical team. Because they checked you out.
:'''Drew''': Oh, the WWE medical team? What a shock! It might as well be the Cody Rhodes medical team! I've got my own damn medical team! Nick, all I want is what's right! I just want what’s right!
:'''Nick''': [interrupting Drew mid-sentence] Just stop! Oh, my God, Drew, just stop! Okay? Enough with the excuses, okay? You trying to suggest that the reason you're not WWE Champion is because of corruption…
:'''Drew''': Yes.
:'''Nick''': …is insane. Okay? I have to draw the line somewhere because that's not what happened. The referee's decision was final. That's it. That's all of it. That's all I have to say about it. If you want to stay out here, go ahead, but I'm done. Enjoy the rest of your night. ''[leaves]''
:'''Drew''': Really? You're gonna walk away from me, Nick? You know this is BS! Everyone knows it's BS! I'm the champion without a championship! They all know in the locker room, and I was dangerous on this mic-- ''[Jacob Fatu's music hits, and he marches out towards the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Booker... the Samoan Werewolf, Jacob Fatu, is here! And here is one bad, bad man.
:'''Booker T''': Oh, yes, man. No bread, no water, just meat! He's hungry, man! ''[Jacob climbs into the ring and stands face to face with Drew]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
:''[Drew lifts his microphone to speak, but Jacob swipes it away from him in annoyance]''
:'''Jacob Fatu''': Man, shut your ass up! Hey, you know what? Just to double back and tap in with something else, stop bitching! You come out here every week. You cry, you complain, you're blaming everybody else for ''your'' wrongdoing! Hey, matter of fact, why don't you just sit your peg leg ass down? ''[Drew attempts a small smile, then angrily snatches back the mic]''
:'''Drew''': Who the hell do you think you are?! Yeah, you've had a great run in the past year, but I'm Drew Freakin' McIntyre! And you want to come out here and try and pump me out?!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
:'''Drew''': If I wasn't hurt right-- ''[Jacob swipes back the mic]''
:'''Jacob''': If you wasn't hurt, ''what''?! 'Cause you must have forgot that Jacob Fatu is '''all gas, no brakes with it! YADADA MEAN--''' ''[Drew cuts him off by delivering a Glasgow Kiss headbutt...]''
:'''Cole''': Oh!
:'''Booker''': Oh, yeah!
:'''Cole''': A Glasgow Kiss by McIntyre... ''[...only making Jacob angrier, and he delivers a vicious super kick to Drew]'' ...obviously angered Fatu, who delivers a big super kick!
:'''Booker''': It's on, dawg! It's on! ''[Jacob angrily rips the medical boot off Drew's leg]''
:'''Cole''': Well, so much for the non-WWE medical boot. ''[Jacob knocks Drew down with his own medical boot]'' Jacob off the face of McIntyre!
==2026==
===March 13===
:''[A furious Drew McIntyre comes out after losing the WWE Championship to Cody Rhodes]''
:'''Drew McIntyre''': Aldis! Aldis, you can take that contract and shove it up your arse! ''[to a fan]'' Move! ''[climbs over the barricade]'' Hey, you see what happened last week?! ''[stands on the commentary table]'' My damn title was stolen from me! You couldn't help yourself, could you, Nick?! You had to make sure your golden boy Cody Rhodes got the title match before WrestleMania! You're going to get out here right now, and you're to make this right! I'll stay here all night long.
:'''Nick Aldis''': ''[walks out; interrupting]'' Let me explain this to you in plain English. There is nothing to make right. Part of being Champion, as you well know, is defending the Championship, and I made you do that in a fair one-on-one contest. A contest in which, by the way, you head-butted a referee, and it still didn't go your way. And now you're out here playing the victim again. Drew, you're looking for somebody to blame. What you should be really looking at are the consequences of your own actions. ''[steps into the ring]''
:'''Drew''': The consequences of ''my'' actions? Yeah, beside the fact Jacob got involved, you had to make the match with Cody, yeah, yeah, yeah, even though we had a deal. He lost the Royal Rumble. He lost the Elimination Chamber. But you had to make sure the corporate Champion got his belt, right, you corporate stooge!?
:'''Nick''': Don't you dare call me that! You know who I am! You know where I came from! You want to talk about the Rumble? You want to talk about the Chamber? Oh, you mean those two matches where you screwed Cody out of his shot? Real rich, for the guy who claims to keep getting screwed. So you listen to me. You did everything you could to prevent Cody from getting a fair shot, and now I understand why. 'Cause the first time he got one, he beat you. ''[Drew furiously jumps off the commentary table, steps into the ring and marches right up to Nick]''
:'''Drew''': You know it, and I know it. THIS IS BULLSHIT! Now, you are going to make this right, or else!
:'''Nick''': ''[inaudibly]'' Or else what?
:''[Jacob Fatu's music hits and he marches out to the ring]''
:'''Wade Barrett''': Well, just when the threat level seemingly could not get any higher, enter the Samoan Werewolf!
:'''Joe Tessitore''': The temperature has risen here in Phoenix. ''[Jacob steps into the ring]''
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu! Fatu!
:'''Jacob Fatu''': ''[to the crowd]'' Yadada mean?! ''[the crowd cheers; to Drew]'' Fix? ''[scoffs]'' Fix what? Huh, Drew? You wouldn't even be Champion if it wasn't for me. So let's state the facts. I fixed this situation last week so Drew McIntyre is no longer Champion. So this isn't about him. ''[points to Nick]'' This isn't about Cody. This isn't about anybody else. So you pointing fingers…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': …you blaming people…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': …blaming the ref…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': …blaming Nick…
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': …blaming everybody else.
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': But let's keep it 100 with you.
:'''Crowd''': What?
:'''Jacob''': I'm the one that screwed your ass. So let me break it down to you, Drew. What the hell… you going to… do… about it?
:'''Drew''': What am I going to do about it? You want to know what I'm going to do about it? You, Nick, Cody, these people… I'm done with you all. ''[marches up to Nick]'' I quit. ''[leaves, much to Nick's shock]''
:'''Joe''': Quit? What? Drew McIntyre's just walking off, Wade.
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2011 FIFA Women's World Cup
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[[File:FIFA Women's World Cup 2011 Olympiastadion Berlin.jpg|thumb|Epic, classic. Thriller, block-buster. I think all the clichés were made real. I mean? You woke up this morning, saying you felt nervous about this game. Now, I know why. ~ [[Ian Darke]]]]
The '''[[w:2011 FIFA Women's World Cup|2011 FIFA Women's World Cup]]''' was the sixth [[w:FIFA Women's World Cup|FIFA Women's World Cup]] competition, the world championship for [[w:List of women's national association football teams|women's national]] [[w:association football|association football]] teams. It was held from 26 June to 17 July 2011 in Germany, which won the right to host the event in October 2007. [[w:Japan women's national football team|Japan]] won the [[w:2011 FIFA Women's World Cup Final|final]] against the [[w:United States women's national soccer team|United States]] on a [[w:penalty shoot-out (association football)|penalty shoot-out]] following a 2–2 draw after [[w:Extra time (association football)|extra time]] and became the first [[w:Asian Football Confederation|Asian]] team to win a senior FIFA World Cup in what was considered as the greatest giant-killing in the world's football history.
==Quotes==
[[File:Wambach 2003.jpg|thumb|Even though the emotion and the drama of the situation, I wasn't thinking about that. I was just thinking about ball, head, goal. ~ [[w:Abby Wambach|Abby Wambach]]]]
[[File:Wambach-cropped.jpg|thumb|Oh, can you believe this? [[w:Abby Wambach|Abby Wambach]] has saved the [[United States|USA]]'s life in [[w:2011 FIFA Women's World Cup|this World Cup]]! ~ [[Ian Darke]]]]
*[[w:Cristiane|Cristiane]] with a chance to put [[Brazil]] at level. [[w:Hope Solo|Hope Solo]] saved it! A hero again! What is it with Hope Solo and Brazil? Now what's [[w:Jacqui Melksham|the referee]] doing here? Is? The [[w:Penalty kick|penalty]]? Is it going to have to be retaken? Because they're claiming Solo moved before the ball was kicked. Now this is very controversial, and Solo has got a yellow card for that as well. '''This is highly [[Contention|contentious]]! Now look at this again, does she move off the line? No, no, no, no! That is an astonishing decision in my view.'''
**[[Ian Darke]], [http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=cvGfV6qCiOI Brazil v. United States] (10 July 2011)
* [[w:Marta (footballer)|Marta]] again, she'll keep the ball in the corner now, much to the annoyance of the crowd. The decision was [[w:Goal kick|goal kick]]. I think this referee knows that she made a very, very big call over [[w:2011 FIFA Women's World Cup knockout stage|that penalty]]. [[w:Alex Morgan|Morgan]], and still it goes on here. [[w:Tobin Heath|Tobin Heath]]. [[w:Shannon Boxx|Boxx]]. [[w:Carli Lloyd|Carli Lloyd]]! Oh, uh. Couldn't keep it down. Chants of '[[w:U-S-A! (chant)|USA]]' ringing around the arena here in [[w:Dresden|Dresden]], and it do, does look like it's going to be to no avail. And it will go down as the USA's worst performance ever in the [[w:FIFA Women's World Cup|Women's World Cup]]. Cristiane can buy some time down by the corner, here. Eat away vital seconds. Now, USA have it. And they've just got to get everybody forward now. No sense defending anymore, Lloyd's got to get this pass off. To [[w:Megan Rapinoe|Rapinoe]], and everybody's going to bum forward now. Rapinoe gets a cross in, it's towards [[w:Abby Wambach|Wambach]]! '''Oh, can you believe this? Abby Wambach has saved the USA's life in this World Cup!'''
**[[Ian Darke]], [http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=cvGfV6qCiOI Brazil v. United States] (10 July 2011)
* Just incredible! Look at Hope Solo [[w:Goal celebration|celebrate]]! There is an American [[party]] going on, all around the terraces! Surely the whistle's going to go any second, and it will be a penalty shootout. Abby Wambach in the one hundred and twenty-second minute. Well that does match the drama of the [[w:2010 FIFA World Cup|men's World Cup last year]], and the Landon Donovan goal which saved the [[w:2010 FIFA World Cup Group C|USA against Algeria]], doesn't it? Well, well, well! '''And the goal was scored in the time added on for the [[w:Diving (association football)|largely bogus injury]], we think, to [[w:Érika|Érika]]. Is there some kind of poetic [[justice]] in that?''' It's not finished yet, though. Still the referee plays on, and here's Marta again! Solo beats it away; it will be a corner. '''How much more of this can there possibly be?''' It is over! It will be a [[w:Penalty shoot-out (association football)|penalty shoot-out]]! An incredible finish, one of the great climaxes to any World Cup match! Brazil are denied at the [[death]]! A ten-woman USA save it! Wow, we need to get our breath back. So let's go back to [[w:Bob Ley|Bob Ley]] for a moment.
**[[Ian Darke]], [http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=r1PlC9mj-N0 Brazil v. United States] (10 July 2011)
*[[w:Daiane Rodrigues|Daiane]], whose [[w:Own goal|own goal]] started all the talking points today after seventy-four seconds. Seems a long, long time ago now. It was into this goal, now Brazil need her to put one in legitimately for them. '''Yes! Brilliant save from Solo, brilliant save!''' And that one is legal, and now that means, that if the United States put in the last two penalties, they will go into the semi-finals. '''That is a moment of [[magic]] from Hope Solo!'''
**[[Ian Darke]], [http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=r1PlC9mj-N0 Brazil v. United States] (10 July 2011)
* The biggest moment, this. Of her soccer life. [[w:Ali Krieger|Ali Krieger]], who recovered from that life-threating illness five years ago. '''Can she win it for the USA, here? And she does! And the USA are into the [[w:2011 FIFA Women's World Cup knockout stage|last four]]! It's been a near [[Miracles|miracle]], this! In Dresden!'''
**[[Ian Darke]], [http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=r1PlC9mj-N0 Brazil v. United States] (10 July 2011)
* I think one word we can agree [[w:Bob Ley|Bob]] is, uh? Epic, classic. Thriller, block-buster. I think all the clichés were made real. I mean? [[w:Julie Foudy|You]] woke up this morning, saying you felt nervous about [[w:2011 FIFA Women's World Cup knockout stage|this game]]. Now, I know why.
**[[Ian Darke]], [http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=ke8XNArZvVU Brazil v. United States] (10 July 2011)
*Yeah they did, [[w:Bob Ley|Bob]]. It was a classic final, and I think the old cliché? [[Association football|Football]] was the winner there; just a terrific match. Shattering defeat for the [[United States|USA]]; so hard to take. But only the hardest heart, [[w:Julie Foudy|Julie]]? Would deny [[Japan]] that. I suppose you could have an inquest in the USA played so well for much of the game. Just seemed to get a little bit panicky when the finishing line was in reach. But, really that's? That's being a little bit picky, isn't it? Because they did ever so well here. I just think the ball had Japan's name on it. They were destined to win it. Uh, just a feeling? [[w:Bob Ley|Bob]], I think [[Japan]] won rather more than just a [[Association football|soccer]] match here.
**[[Ian Darke]], [http://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=yKYkxJ6TY0c Japan v. United States] (17 July 2011)
* Even though the emotion and the drama of the situation, I wasn't thinking about that. '''I was just thinking about ball, head, goal'''... In the future, when I retire, I'll look back and I'll thank my lucky stars that I had such great players giving me those opportunities to score goals with my head.
** [[w:Abby Wambach|Abby Wambach]], as quoted in [http://meninblazers.com/podcasts ''Men in Blazers''] (10 April 2013)
==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}
[[Category:FIFA Women's World Cup]]
[[Category:History of sport in Germany]]
[[Category:Women in sports]]
[[Category:2011|FIFA Women's World Cup]]
[[Category:2010s in Europe]]
[[Category:2010s in association football]]
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[[File:2001_War_in_Afghanistan_collage_3.jpg|thumb|The [[Taliban]] has been given the opportunity to surrender all the terrorists in Afghanistan and to close down their camps and operations. Full warning has been given, and time is running out. ~ [[George W. Bush]]]]
[[File:Afghan Schoolchildren in Kabul.jpg|thumb|Americans were proud to see the images of Afghans- including women- holding up their purple-stained fingers as they went to the polls to "elect" their new government. Democracy had arrived in Afghanistan! Girls were going to school, women were working in government jobs, and religious fanatics were relegated to the hinterlands of the country. Except, as I saw firsthand in 2011- and the world saw ten years later, in the summer of 2021- it was all a mirage. None of it was real; it was a house of cards, destined to collapse. ~ [[Pete Hegseth]]]]
The '''{{w|War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)}}''' (or the '''US War in Afghanistan''' or the Afghanistan War), code named [[w:Operation Enduring Freedom| Operation Enduring Freedom]] (2001–14) and [[w:Operation Freedom's Sentinel|Operation Freedom's Sentinel ]](2015–2021), followed the [[w:United States invasion of Afghanistan|United States invasion of Afghanistan]] of 7 October 2001, when the [[United States|United States of America]] and its allies successfully drove the [[Taliban]] from [[power]] in order to deny [[al-Qaeda]] a [[safe]] base of operations in [[Afghanistan]]. Since the initial objectives were completed, a coalition of over 40 countries (including all [[NATO]] members) formed a [[security]] mission in the country.
== Quotes ==
[[File:Taliban Humvee in Kabul, August 2021 (cropped).png|thumb|You know who did not miss the mark? The Taliban. They knew exactly who their people were, their root causes were clear, they were nothing if not sustainable, and they had legitimacy we could never manufacture. ~ [[Pete Hegseth]]]]
[[File:Paratrooper Departure.jpg|thumb|After [[United States|US]] troops have withdrawn from Afghanistan, [[European Union|Europe]] must define its own security interests more clearly. It has been seen that America is no longer unconditionally ready to take on a leadership role anywhere in the world. ~ [[Angela Merkel]]]]
[[File:1998_Embassy_Bombings_memorial_-_Arlington_National_Cemetery.jpg|thumb|It was not clear how to get at [[al-Qaida]] in a way to destroy al-Qaida, and we were not prepared, before 9/11, to take down the [[Taliban]]. ~ [[Colin Powell]]]]
[[File:Delta_force_GIs_disguised_as_Afghan_civilians,_November_2001_C.jpg|thumb| It's crazy that you have this today … [[Pashtuns]], [[Tajiks]], [[Uzbeks]], [[Hazara]] … They were all ready to buy in to the process … to work under the [[king]]'s banner for an [[ethnically]] balanced [[Afghanistan]]. ~ Abdul Haq]]
[[File:US_Embassy_bombing_memorial_in_Nairobi.jpg|thumb|If the Taliban is given evidence that Osama bin Laden is involved we would be ready to hand him over to a third country. ~ [[w:Haji Abdul Kabir|Haji Abdul Kabir]]]]
[[File:Afghanistan Campaign Medal, obverse.png|thumb|Maybe, just maybe, our children and grandchildren will not have to fight there again, but as Plato said... "Only the dead have seen the end of war." ~ Patrick O'Kelley]]
[[File:Afghan_Opium_Production_2005_2007.JPG|thumb|Despite almost continuous combat since the invasion of October 2001, pacification efforts have failed to curtail the [[Taliban]] insurgency, largely because the [[US]] simply could not control the swelling surplus from the country’s [[heroin]] trade. Its opium production surged from around 180 tonnes in 2001 to more than 3,000 tonnes a year after the invasion, and to more than 8,000 by 2007. Every [[spring]], the [[opium]] [[harvest]] fills the Taliban’s coffers once again, funding wages for a new crop of guerrilla fighters. ~ Alfred W. McCoy]]
[[File:'Iron Knights' patrol the Arghandab DVIDS363229.jpg|thumb|'Iron Knights' of 1st Battalion, 66th Armor Regiment on patrol in Arghandab District, 2011]]
===[[w:2001 in Afghanistan|2001]]===
* The [[Taliban]] has been given the opportunity to surrender all the [[Terrorism|terrorists]] in Afghanistan and to close down their camps and operations. Full warning has been given, and time is running out.
** [[George W. Bush]] as qtd. in Nic Robertson and Kelly Wallace, [http://edition.cnn.com/2001/US/10/07/ret.us.taliban/ "CNN.com – US rejects Taliban offer to try bin Laden"], ''edition.cnn.com'', (10/07/2001).
* Despite efforts by the Taliban to disrupt these critical aid shipments, we will deliver food and seeds, vaccines and medicines by truck, and even by draft animals. Conditions permitting, we will bring help directly to the people of Afghanistan by air drops.
** [[George W. Bush]] as qtd. in Nic Robertson and Kelly Wallace, [http://edition.cnn.com/2001/US/10/07/ret.us.taliban/ "CNN.com – US rejects Taliban offer to try bin Laden"], ''edition.cnn.com'', (10/07/2001).
* The United States, supported by many nations, is bringing justice to the [[Islamic terrorism|terrorists]] in Afghanistan. We're making progress against military targets, and that is our objective. Unlike the enemy, we seek to minimize, not maximize, the loss of innocent life. I'm proud of the honorable conduct of the [[United States Armed Forces|American military]]. And my country grieves for all the suffering the Taliban have brought upon Afghanistan, including the terrible burden of war. The Afghan people do not deserve their present rulers. Years of Taliban misrule have brought nothing but misery and starvation. Even before this current crisis, 4 million Afghans depended on food from the United States and other nations, and millions of Afghans were [[Refugee|refugees]] from Taliban oppression. I make this promise to all the victims of that regime: The Taliban's days of harboring terrorists and dealing in [[heroin]] and brutalizing [[women]] are drawing to a close. And when that regime is gone, the people of Afghanistan will say with the rest of the world, "Good riddance."
** [[George W. Bush]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-united-nations-general-assembly-new-york-city-1 Remarks to the United Nations General Assembly], 10 November 2001
* I can promise, too, that America will join the world in helping the people of Afghanistan rebuild their country. Many nations, including mine, are sending [[food]] and [[medicine]] to help Afghans through the winter. America has airdropped over 1.3 million packages of rations into Afghanistan. Just this week, we airlifted 20,000 blankets and over 200 tons of provisions into the region. We continue to provide [[Humanitarian intervention|humanitarian aid]], even while the Taliban try to steal the food we send.
** [[George W. Bush]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-the-united-nations-general-assembly-new-york-city-1 Remarks to the United Nations General Assembly], 10 November 2001
* "Bombing Afghanistan back into the [[w:Stone_Age|Stone Age]]" was quite a favourite headline for some wobbly [[Liberalism|liberals]]... But an instant's thought shows that Afghanistan is being, if anything, bombed OUT of the Stone Age.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], "Christopher Hitchens on why peace-lovers must welcome this war", ''The Mirror'', 15 November 2001
* If the [[Taliban]] is given evidence that [[Osama bin Laden]] is involved [...] we would be ready to hand him over to a third country.
** {{w|Abdul Kabir}}, as qtd. in Staff and agencies (14 October 2001). [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2001/oct/14/afghanistan.terrorism5 "Bush rejects Taliban offer to hand Bin Laden over"], ''The Guardian'', (Archived from the original on 25 August 2013. Retrieved 23 October 2018)
* [[America]] has given [[evidence]] to other countries, we do not say anything. If Americans are convinced that they have solid evidence, we are ready for his trial in Afghanistan, and they have to produce that evidence."
** {{w|Abdul Salam Zaeef}}, made the offer at a news conference in Islamabad Nic Robertson and Kelly Wallace, [http://edition.cnn.com/2001/US/10/07/ret.us.taliban/ "CNN.com – US rejects Taliban offer to try bin Laden"], ''edition.cnn.com'', (October 7, 2001).
* Their [<nowiki/>[[Anti-war movement|antiwar movement]]] mantra was: "Afghanistan, where the world's richest country rains [[bombs]] on the world's poorest country." Poor fools. They should never have tried to beat me at this game. What about, "Afghanistan, where the world's most [[Free society|open society]] confronts the world's most closed one"? "Where American women pilots kill the men who enslave women." "Where the world's most indiscriminate bombers are bombed by the world's most accurate ones." "Where the largest number of poor people applaud the bombing of their own regime." I could go on.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], "Guess what, the bombing worked like a charm", ''Salon.com'', 14 November 2001
===[[w:2002 in Afghanistan|2002]]===
*'''[[w:Huey Freeman|Huey]]''': So Colonel, you guys aren’t dropping food anymore? What happened to all that concern about the starving Afghan people?
:'''Pentagon''': Yeah, well…they’re not, uh, starving anymore.
:'''Huey''': Is that right?
:'''Pentagon''': Yep. Hey told us they’re all full now. Couldn’t eat another bite.
:'''Huey''': Amazing, I wonder what was in those food packets.
:'''Pentagon''': Well, that’s classified but…let’s just say a Snickers '''really''' satisfies…
:* [[w:Aaron McGruder|Aaron McGruder]], ''[[The Boondocks (comic strip)|The Boondocks]]'', (9/20/2002).
*'''Question''': How do you see the development in Afghanistan?
:'''Answer''': It is going to be very messy. Because that is the way of Afghanistan. They have many different tribes and many different warlords, each one will pull towards different directions, so forming a coalition with the purpose of defeating Taliban is one thing. Forming a coalition to govern Afghanistan is totally different. This is where they will be disunited, and they cannot govern Afghanistan properly. Also they are also guilty of atrocities against the people of Afghanistan. Of course the Northern Alliance is more liberal minded than the Taliban. But the Northern Alliance include many other warlords, leaders of different tribes, and of different regions. In order for the coalition to be effective, everybody must be brought in. But they cannot agree among themselves.
:'''Question''': Is there any good way to solve this problem?
:'''Answer''': It is very difficult. Because these people are very factional, and they cannot agree among themselves. What they need is a very strong leader. But Ahmad Shah Massood has been killed. He and Burhanuddin Rabbani provided a strong leadership, but Rabbani cannot provide military leadership that Masood provided. There will be a lot of infighting. It will take time.
:'''Question''': Are you still against of the US attack on Afghanistan?
:'''Answer''': Well it has removed the Taliban, but as you see, the Northern Alliance is not going to cooperate with the United States or Britain. They refused the British. The British happily landed there thinking that the Northern Alliance had won and they could come in, but they are told to get out. Afghanistan is like that. They are very independent.
:'''Question''': Will this be like repeating the Vietnam War?
:'''Answer''': It can be like that. If the United States tries to enforce their rule on Afghanistan there will be a fight because Afghanistan will never allow foreigners to rule their country or dominate their country no matter who they are.
:* Interview Between Malaysian Prime Minister [[Mahathir Mohamad]] and Japanese magazine "Chuokoron",[https://www.pmo.gov.my/ucapan/?m=p&p=mahathir&id=144] (11 January 2002).
===[[w:2004 in Afghanistan|2004]]===
* The report drawn up by the commission's staff said: "From the spring of 1997 to September 2001, the [[Federal government of the United States|US government]] tried to persuade the [[Taliban]] to expel [[Osama bin Laden|Bin Laden]] to a country where he could face justice. The efforts employed inducements, warnings and sanctions. All these efforts failed." <br> At a meeting of the Bush administration's top [[w:National security|national security]] officials on September 10, a three-phase strategy was agreed. <br> The Taliban would be presented with a final ultimatum to hand over Bin Laden. Failing that, covert military aid would be channeled to anti-Taliban groups. If both those options failed, "the deputies agreed that the United States would seek to overthrow the Taliban regime through more direct action."
** [[Julian Borger]], [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2004/mar/24/september11.usa2 "Bush team 'agreed plan to attack the Taliban the day before September 11'"], ''The Guardian'', London, (24 March 2004)
* We did not take into account during that period the kind of actions we were prepared to follow after [[September 11 attacks|9/11]], tt was not clear how to get at al-Qaida in a way to destroy al-Qaida, and we were not prepared, before 9/11, to take down the Taliban. [...] [[George W. Bush|President Bush]] and his entire national security team understood that terrorism had to be among our highest priorities, and it was.
** [[Colin Powell]], as quoted in Julian Borger, [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2004/mar/24/september11.usa2 "Bush team 'agreed plan to attack the Taliban the day before September 11'"], ''The Guardian'', London, (24 March 2004).
* A retired army colonel commissioned by [[the Pentagon]] to examine the war in Afghanistan concluded the conflict created conditions that have given "[[w:Warlrd|warlordism]], [[banditry]] and [[w:Opium|opium]] production a new lease on life," ''[[w:The New Yorker|The New Yorker]]'' reported on Sunday.
** Hy Rothstein, ''The New Yorker'', (Sunday, 3 April 2004); as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20040405213413/http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/southasia/view/78653/1/.html ''Channel news Asia''] archived from the original on (2004-04-05).
===[[w:2010 in Afghanistan|2010]]===
{{See also|Operation Moshtarak}}
* As for [[w:Marja (town)|Marjah]], its mention at all in the same breath as the [[American Revolution]] or the [[American Civil War|Civil War]] is truly grotesque. The little farming communities that {{w|the Pentagon}} PR machine lyingly described as a small city swarming with [[Taliban]] fighters was nothing but a staged and carefully managed battle set, designed to make Americans forget that the US was (and is) bogged down in [[w:Afghanistan Papers|an unwinnable]] [[w:War of aggression|war of conquest]] and [[w:Military occupation|occupation]] [[War in Afghanistan (2001–present)|in Afghanistan]]. The few [[United States Armed Forces|American soldiers]] and [[United States Marine Corps|Marines]] who died there died for the sake of White Hours and Pentagon [[w:Propaganda in the United States|propaganda]], not for the sake of defending Americans’ vaunted freedoms. The set has now been torn down, the klieg lights have been turned off, and “Marjah” has reverted to Taliban territory again.
** [[Dave Lindorff]] on [[Barack Obama]]'s [[w:Weekly address of the President of the United States|Weekly Address]] in May 29, 2010. ''[https://www.counterpunch.org/2010/05/31/the-glorification-of-war/ The Glorification of War]'' (May 31, 2010), ''{{w|CounterPunch}}''.
===[[w:2011 in Afghanistan|2011]]===
* It's crazy that you have this today … [[w:Pashtuns|Pashtuns]], [[w:Tajiks|Tajiks]], [[w:Uzbeks|Uzbeks]], [[w:Hazara|Hazara]] … They were all ready to buy in to the process … to work under the [[king]]'s banner for an [[ethnically]] balanced [[Afghanistan]].
** [[w:Abdul Haq (Afghan leader)|Abdul Haq]], [https://www.newstatesman.com/international-politics/2011/11/haq-afghanistan-taliban-kabul "The lost lion of Kabul"], ''New Statesman'', 2011
===[[w:2016 in Afghanistan|2016]]===
* We know from long experience in [[Iraq]] and [[Afghanistan|Afghanistan]] to take territory, hold territory, and govern territory and prevent a reemergence of a terrorist group.
** [[Ash Carter]], [http://www.charlierose.com/ interview with Charlie Rose], (February 2016)
* In Afghanistan, the [[w:Rules of engagement|rules of engagement]] sometimes were stricter than [[w:Use of force|use-of-force]] [[rules]] for [[w:Civilian|civilian]] [[police]] in [[America]]. Erica Gaston, a [[human rights]] [[lawyer]] who studied the military's rules of engagement in Afghanistan, said that especially was true in the later years of the war. <br> "There was an emphasis on [[w:Winning hearts and minds|winning hearts and minds]], and focusing more on stabilizing [[communities]] and protecting the civilian population."
** Erica Gaston as quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2016/12/08/504718239/military-trained-police-may-be-slower-to-shoot-but-that-got-this-vet-fired “Military-Trained Police May Be Less Hasty To Shoot, But That Got This Vet Fired”], by Quil Lawrence and Martin Kaste, ''[[w:Morning Edition|Morning Edition]]'', ''NPR'', (December 8, 2016)
===[[w:2017 in Afghanistan|2017]]===
* There is no doubt that as the United States winds down the Afghan war — the longest in [[History of the United States|American history]], and one that has cost half a trillion dollars and more than 150,000 lives on all sides — regional adversaries are muscling in. <br> [[Saudi Arabia]] and [[Pakistan]] remain the dominant players. But [[Iran]] is also making a bold gambit to shape Afghanistan in its favor.
** {{w|Carlotta Gall}}, ''[https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/05/world/asia/iran-afghanistan-taliban.html In Afghanistan, US Exits, and Iran Comes In]'', 5 August 2017, ''[[The New York Times]]''
===[[w:2018 in Afghanistan|2018]]===
* The Afghan war is still in progress close to twenty years in. For perspective, [[Napoleon Bonaparte]] seized control of [[France]], crowned himself [[emperor]], [[w:Napoleonic_Wars|defeated four European coalitions against him]], invaded [[Russia]], lost, was defeated and exiled, [[w:Napoleon's_Hundred_Days|returned]], and was [[w:Battle_of_Waterloo|defeated]] and [[w:Saint_Helena|exiled a second time]], all in less time than the United States has spent trying to turn Afghanistan into a stable country.
** [[Tucker Carlson]], ''Ship of Fools: How a Selfish Ruling Class Is Bringing America to the Brink of Revolution'' (2018)
* After fighting the longest [[war]] in its [[history]], the [[US]] stands at the brink of defeat in [[Afghanistan]]. How could this be possible? How could the world’s sole superpower have battled continuously for more than 16 years – deploying more than 100,000 troops at the conflict’s peak, sacrificing the lives of nearly 2,300 soldiers, spending more than $1tn (£740bn) on its military operations, lavishing a record $100bn more on “nation-building”, helping fund and train an army of 350,000 Afghan allies – and still not be able to pacify one of the world’s most impoverished nations?
** {{w|Alfred W. McCoy}}, [https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/jan/09/how-the-heroin-trade-explains-the-us-uk-failure-in-afghanistan “How the heroin trade explains the US-UK failure in Afghanistan”], ''The Guardian'', (9 Jan 2018).
* '''Despite almost continuous combat since the invasion of October 2001, pacification efforts have failed to curtail the [[w:Taliban_insurgency|Taliban insurgency]], largely because the [[US]] simply could not control the swelling surplus from the country’s [[heroin]] trade. Its opium production surged from around 180 tonnes in 2001 to more than 3,000 tonnes a year after the invasion, and to more than 8,000 by 2007. Every [[spring]], the [[opium]] [[harvest]] fills the Taliban’s coffers once again, funding wages for a new crop of guerrilla fighters.'''
** {{w|Alfred W. McCoy}}, [https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/jan/09/how-the-heroin-trade-explains-the-us-uk-failure-in-afghanistan “How the heroin trade explains the US-UK failure in Afghanistan”], ''The Guardian'', (9 Jan 2018).
* For over a decade after the fall of the [[Taliban]] regime in December 2001, [[China]] preferred to be a mere spectator of the dramatic events unfolding in [[Afghanistan]]. Unlike other countries, which sent troops to participate in counterinsurgency operations and contributed financial and other support for reconstruction of the war-ravaged country, [[Beijing]] maintained a low profile. <br> China did not send troops to Afghanistan as it was not interested in being a “subordinate partner” of the U.S.-led alliance in that country. Besides, its goals in Afghanistan were “limited,” [[w:Zhao_Huasheng|Zhao Huasheng]], a professor at [[w:Fudan_University|Fudan University]] in [[Shanghai]] pointed out. Unlike the Western powers, China was not interested in “rebuilding Afghanistan politically” or in altering its “political structures, social patterns or ideological orientations.” <br> While China avoided participating in multilateral efforts in Afghanistan in the 2002-12 period, it maintained close ties with the Afghan government. It signed the Treaty of Friendship, Cooperation and Good Neighborly Relations with Kabul in 2006. Two years later, Chinese companies won a $3 billion contract to extract copper from the Mes Aynak mines in Logar province. <br> It was in the context of the U.S. drawdown of troops from Afghanistan and the possibility of the country descending into chaos that China began stepping up its involvement in Afghan affairs in 2012.
** Sudha Ramachandran, [https://thediplomat.com/2018/06/is-china-bringing-peace-to-afghanistan/ "Is China Bringing Peace to Afghanistan?"] ''The Diplomat'', (06/2018)
===[[w:2020 in Afghanistan|2020]]===
* I put the uniform away. I didn't talk about my experiences except with other Veterans. I didn't join the VFW, the American Legion, or any of the war protests that were still happening. I just wanted to be left alone and get busy with life. I was proud of my service even though the country didn't seem to be proud of us. I remember when I heard the news that Saigon had fallen. I was a Missouri State Trooper by then and I had to pull over to the road shoulder and stop. I kept wondering, "Why?" All those lives, all the wounded. America: two wins, one tie, one loss.<br>Later, at the height of the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars, I remember watching the "Welcome Home" shows. I got teary-eyed watching the surprise visits by soldiers to their kids' schools and the excitement in the families' eyes when they saw them. That is what homecomings are supposed to be like. I remember welcoming my Marine Corps son home from Afghanistan (twice), my sailor son came home after a deployment to the Middle East on the carrier, ''George H.W. Bush''. I remember all the Patriot Guard missions to welcome home servicemen and women. I also remember the PGR missions for the KIAs (killed in action). Lives ended too soon.<br>Less than 9% of the population has ever served in the military, around 3% have ever served in combat. Too many people are too wrapped up in the Kardashians, Miley Cyrus, iPhones, tweets, fashion, or just daily life to consider the Veterans and active duty military. Next time you see someone wearing a Veteran ball cap or uniform, thank them for serving. They will appreciate it.
** Gary Baker, as quoted by William F. Brown in ''Our Vietnam Wars, Volume 4: As Told By More Veterans Who Served'' (2020), hardcover, p. 271-272
* [[w:United States House of Representatives|Rep.]] [[Liz Cheney]], daughter of [[Dick Cheney|Dick]], is trying to prolong her father's {{w|endless war}} in Afghanistan. You would think that every [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democrat]] would be united in opposing such a [[policy]], right? Well, you would be wrong. It’s not every day that you wake up in your blue state and learn that one of your newly elected Democratic congresspeople is joining with a Cheney to try to prolong the longest war in American history. But that’s what happened this week, when [[Colorado]]'s freshman [[Democratic Party (United States)|Democratic]] Rep. [[Jason Crow]] teamed up with [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican]] Rep. Liz Cheney to advance legislation that would make it more difficult for any [[President of the United States|president]] to [[w:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Afghanistan|draw down troop deployments]] in [[Afghanistan]]. I live in the same media market as Crow's district. I can tell you that [[w:Jason Crow#Elections|his 2018 campaign]] was focused on [[w:Jason Crow#Gun control|gun control]]. It was not a campaign promising voters that he would go to Washington to make common cause with Liz Cheney, and help her efforts to glorify and fortify her daddy's policy of endless war. But that’s exactly what his bill does. [...] Cheney initiatives that may seem superficially reasonable when calmly uttered by a Cheney usually have an insane ulterior motive. In this case, that truism applies: The Crow-Cheney legislation may sound like it includes reasonable requests, but they are designed to make the Afghanistan deployment permanent. In practice, nobody can predict with 100 percent certainty what will ensue once a nineteen-year {{w|military occupation}} ends. What we can know is that it’s a bad idea to continue a policy that isn’t working — and there’s plenty of evidence that it isn’t.
** [[David Sirota]], ''[https://www.jacobinmag.com/2020/07/afghanistan-war-liz-cheney-jason-crow Democrats Are Working With Liz Cheney to Prolong Dick Cheney’s Endless War]'', 3 July 2020, ''[[w:Jacobin (magazine)|Jacobin]]''
===[[w:2021 in Afghanistan|2021]]===
{{main|2021 Taliban offensive}}
*'''After [[United States|US]] troops have withdrawn from Afghanistan, [[European Union|Europe]] must define its own security interests more clearly. It has been seen that America is no longer unconditionally ready to take on a leadership role anywhere in the world.'''
** [[Angela Merkel]], as quoted by [https://twitter.com/MDRAktuell/status/1447492669681373185 MDR Aktuell], October 11, 2021
* When I finished writing this book the first time, in 2014, the United States was still involved in Iraq and the "Forever War" of Afghanistan. I was too old to go to war anymore, but I sent my Junior ROTC cadets off each year. The "Forever War" went on, with no end in sight, but amazingly President Trump put a plan in place to get us out of Afghanistan. When President Biden took over the job in the Oval Office, he decided to do his own plan, which turned out to be a disastrous withdrawal, that was compared to how the United States left Vietnam. But now, as of the re-release of this book in 2021, we are no longer involved in any wars in the Middle East.<br>'''Maybe, just maybe, our children and grandchildren will not have to fight there again, but as Plato said... "Only the dead have seen the end of war."'''
** Patrick O'Kelley, ''Triple Canopy: A Warrior's Journey From Grenada to Iraq'' (2014), October 2021 republishing, Fayetteville: Blacksmith Publishing, paperback, p. 543
=== Post-war (2022-) ===
[[File:Operation_Allies_Refuge_210819-F-DT970-0040.jpg|thumb|By the time the frantic airlift from Kabul began, top State Department officials “had not made clear decisions” regarding which Afghans would be eligible for evacuation, nor where they would be taken. <br> It also says that the department “failed” to establish a broad Afghanistan task force as the situation there deteriorated in late July and early August 2021, and that such a step “would have brought key players together to address issues related to a possible” mass evacuations. ~ Michael Crowley]]
[[File:Visas_Mantis.png|thumb|The report says its review team “was struck by the differences in style and decision making” between the Trump and Biden administrations, “most notably the relative lack of an interagency process in the Trump administration and the intense interagency process that characterized the initial period of the Biden administration.” <br> “This included a particular focus very early in the Biden administration on the fate of those eligible” for American visas and assistance, which the report says led to “successful” early steps to address a huge backlog of Afghans who had begun requesting to leave the country. “That movement, however, was still in its early days as Kabul fell to the Taliban,” the reports finds. ~ Michael Crowley]]
* During the writing of this book, America's two-decade war in Afghanistan came to an inglorious end. After thousands of lives lost, and trillions of dollars spent, the [[Islamism|Islamist]] [[Taliban]] are back in charge. It's a humbling, if illuminating, reality. Like most Americans, I was eager for "the folks who knocked those buildings down, to hear all of us soon," as President [[George W. Bush]] said atop the rubble of the [[w:World_Trade_Center|World Trade Center]] in 2001. American military might quickly toppled the Taliban, and Al Qaeda scurried into [[Pakistan]]. What followed was a nineteen-year experiment in Afghanistan, during which I had a front-row seat.
** [[Pete Hegseth]], ''Battle for the American Mind: Uprooting a Century of Miseducation'' (2022), New York: Broadside Books, p. 54-55
* '''Americans were proud to see the images of Afghans- including women- holding up their purple-stained fingers as they went to the polls to "elect" their new government. [[Democracy]] had arrived in Afghanistan! Girls were going to school, women were working in government jobs, and religious fanatics were relegated to the hinterlands of the country. Except, as I saw firsthand in 2011- and the world saw ten years later, in the summer of 2021- it was all a mirage. None of it was real; it was a house of cards, destined to collapse.'''<br>Why? Conventional answers abound: the [[w:Afghan_Army|Afghan Army]] was built in the image of the American Army, unable to operate effectively without air support. Or the Afghan government was irredeemably corrupt and beholden to Western aid. Or, my personal favorite, "the Americans have the watches, but we [the Taliban] have the time"- American political will was destined to break. (Osama bin Laden did predict as much.) All of these explanations touch on aspects of America's failure, but none explain the deeper reason. For two decades of work to collapse in two weeks, something more fundamental was at play.
** [[Pete Hegseth]], ''Battle for the American Mind: Uprooting a Century of Miseducation'' (2022), New York: Broadside Books, p. 55
* When I served in Afghanistan, my job- as a counterinsurgency instructor- was to study the insurgency, meaning the Taliban. In short, we taught both Americans and Afghans that they needed to know the terrain, especially the human terrain. Who is our enemy? What motivates them? And how to they leverage and/or exploit the population? From there, we looked at the "root causes" of population grievances that our enemy was experiencing. Finally, our job was to find sustainable solutions that advanced the legitimacy of the Afghan Army, police, and government. Know the human terrain, identify root causes for problems, find sustainable solutions, and legitimize our allies. It sounded great, and I knew how to teach the hell out of it.<br>But, as it turns out, we always missed the mark on all aspects of what we taught. '''You know who did not miss the mark? The Taliban. They knew exactly who their people were, their root causes were clear, they were nothing if not sustainable, and they had legitimacy we could never manufacture.'''
** [[Pete Hegseth]], ''Battle for the American Mind: Uprooting a Century of Miseducation'' (2022), New York: Broadside Books, p. 55-56
* Ideas like [[Freedom of religion|religious freedom]], [[freedom of speech]], [[natural rights]], and [[w:Equal_justice|equal justice]] are the exception in human history, not the rule. They were gifted to us by previous generations. So, when we attempt to replace core aspects of Afghan paideia with our own over just two decades (a blip in human history), it is doomed to fail. If anything, it only strengthens the Afghan paideia- fortifying their belief in the supremacy of their system.
** [[Pete Hegseth]], ''Battle for the American Mind: Uprooting a Century of Miseducation'' (2022), New York: Broadside Books, p. 56-57
* Biden officials have long said that few envisioned such a rapid Taliban takeover of the country, that exiting under any circumstances would have been difficult, and that the United States made the right strategic decision to withdraw. <br> The report does not pin blame on specific individuals and mentions Secretary of State Antony J. Blinken only in passing. But it does say that in both the Trump and Biden administrations, “there was insufficient senior-level consideration of [[w:Worst-case scenario|worst-case scenarios]] and how quickly those might follow.” <br> Even after it became clear that the Taliban would capture Kabul, the report says, the department’s response featured confusion about responsibilities and authorities. Under Mr. Blinken, the State Department’s participation in executive branch planning for an evacuation “was hindered by the fact that it was unclear who in the department had the lead,” the report finds. <br> Another shortcoming: '''By the time the frantic airlift from Kabul began, top State Department officials “had not made clear decisions” regarding which Afghans would be eligible for evacuation, nor where they would be taken.''' <br> '''It also says that the department “failed” to establish a broad Afghanistan task force as the situation there deteriorated in late July and early August 2021, and that such a step “would have brought key players together to address issues related to a possible” mass evacuations.'''
** Michael Crowley, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/us/politics/afghan-war-report.html “State Department Report on Afghanistan Exit Urges ‘Worst Case’ Thinking”], ''New York Times'', (June 30, 2023)
* At the same time, the 87-page report — less than half of which was publicly released on Friday because much of it is classified — points to several factors largely beyond the Biden administration’s control to explain the chaos that followed the government’s collapse and does not directly condemn the Biden administration. <br> It says, as Biden officials have many times before, that the coronavirus pandemic severely limited operations at the U.S. Embassy in the months ahead of the withdrawal, making it difficult to process special visas for Afghans hoping to leave the country ahead of the Taliban’s return. The report also suggests that the Trump administration had committed to withdrawing troops from Afghanistan after a 20-year occupation without planning for how the United States might maintain a diplomatic presence in the country and what to do about the tens of thousands of Afghans who, fearing Taliban reprisals, had applied for those special visas. <br> The report says its review team “was struck by the differences in style and decision making” between the Trump and Biden administrations, “most notably the relative lack of an interagency process in the Trump administration and the intense interagency process that characterized the initial period of the Biden administration.” <br> “This included a particular focus very early in the Biden administration on the fate of those eligible” for [[w:Visa policy of the United States|American visas]] and assistance, which the report says led to “successful” early steps to address a huge backlog of Afghans who had begun requesting to leave the country. “That movement, however, was still in its early days as Kabul fell to the Taliban,” the reports finds.
** Michael Crowley, [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/06/30/us/politics/afghan-war-report.html “State Department Report on Afghanistan Exit Urges ‘Worst Case’ Thinking”], ''New York Times'', (June 30, 2023)
== See also ==
* [[Operation Moshtarak]]
* [[War on Terror]]
* [[Iraq War]]
* [[2021 Taliban offensive]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
[[Category:War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)]]
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Haitian Revolution
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The '''[[w:Haitian Revolution|Haitian Revolution]]''' was a successful anti-slavery and anti-colonial insurrection by self-liberated slaves against French colonial rule in Saint-Domingue, now the sovereign nation of dharsh
{{theme-stub}}
==Quotes==
* The Good Lord who created the sun which gives us light from above, who rouses the sea and makes the thunder roar—listen well, all of you—this god, hidden in the clouds, watches us. He sees all that the white man does. The god of the white man calls him to commit crimes; our god asks only good works of us. But this god who is so good orders revenge! He will direct our hands; he will aid us. Throw away the image of the god of the whites who thirsts for our tears and listen to the voice of liberty which speaks in the hearts of all of us.
** [[Dutty Boukman]], August 1791
* From their French masters, [the slaves] had known rape, torture, degradation, and, at the slightest provocation, death. They returned in kind. For two centuries the higher civilization had shown them that power was used for wreaking your will on those whom you controlled. Now that they held power they did as they had been taught.
** [[C. L. R. James]], ''[[w:The Black Jacobins|The Black Jacobins]]'' (1938), p. 88
* Historians otherwise eager to find evidence of “external” participation in the 1791 uprising skip the unmistakable evidence that the rebellious slaves had their own program. In one of their earliest negotiations with representatives of the French government, the leaders of the rebellion did not ask for an abstractly couched “freedom.” Rather, their most sweeping demands included three days a week to work on their own gardens and the elimination of the whip. These were not Jacobinist demands adapted to the tropics, nor royalist claims twice creolized. These were slave demands with the strong peasant touch that would characterize independent Haiti. But such evidence of an internal drive, although known to most historians, is not debated—not even to be rejected or interpreted otherwise. It is simply ignored, and this ignorance produces a silence of trivialization.
** [[Michel-Rolph Trouillot]], ''Silencing the Past: Power and the Production of History'' (1995), p. 103
* The slaves burned everything, yes, but, unfortunately, they only burned everything in Haiti. Theirs was the greatest and most successful revolution in the history of the world but the failure of their fire to cross the waters was the great tragedy of the nineteenth century.
** Anthony Paul Farley, [https://lawdigitalcommons.bc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1028&context=lsfp "Perfecting Slavery"] (2005), p. 236
==See also==
* [[Haiti]]
* [[Toussaint Louverture]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Haiti]]
[[Category:History of the Caribbean]]
[[Category:Revolutions]]
[[Category:1800s]]
[[Category:1790s]]
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The '''[[w:Haitian Revolution|Haitian Revolution]]''' was a successful anti-slavery and anti-colonial insurrection by self-liberated slaves against French colonial rule in Saint-Domingue, now the sovereign nation of 676767676767676767
{{theme-stub}}
==Quotes==
* The Good Lord who created the sun which gives us light from above, who rouses the sea and makes the thunder roar—listen well, all of you—this god, hidden in the clouds, watches us. He sees all that the white man does. The god of the white man calls him to commit crimes; our god asks only good works of us. But this god who is so good orders revenge! He will direct our hands; he will aid us. Throw away the image of the god of the whites who thirsts for our tears and listen to the voice of liberty which speaks in the hearts of all of us.
** [[Dutty Boukman]], August 1791
* From their French masters, [the slaves] had known rape, torture, degradation, and, at the slightest provocation, death. They returned in kind. For two centuries the higher civilization had shown them that power was used for wreaking your will on those whom you controlled. Now that they held power they did as they had been taught.
** [[C. L. R. James]], ''[[w:The Black Jacobins|The Black Jacobins]]'' (1938), p. 88
* Historians otherwise eager to find evidence of “external” participation in the 1791 uprising skip the unmistakable evidence that the rebellious slaves had their own program. In one of their earliest negotiations with representatives of the French government, the leaders of the rebellion did not ask for an abstractly couched “freedom.” Rather, their most sweeping demands included three days a week to work on their own gardens and the elimination of the whip. These were not Jacobinist demands adapted to the tropics, nor royalist claims twice creolized. These were slave demands with the strong peasant touch that would characterize independent Haiti. But such evidence of an internal drive, although known to most historians, is not debated—not even to be rejected or interpreted otherwise. It is simply ignored, and this ignorance produces a silence of trivialization.
** [[Michel-Rolph Trouillot]], ''Silencing the Past: Power and the Production of History'' (1995), p. 103
* The slaves burned everything, yes, but, unfortunately, they only burned everything in Haiti. Theirs was the greatest and most successful revolution in the history of the world but the failure of their fire to cross the waters was the great tragedy of the nineteenth century.
** Anthony Paul Farley, [https://lawdigitalcommons.bc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1028&context=lsfp "Perfecting Slavery"] (2005), p. 236
==See also==
* [[Haiti]]
* [[Toussaint Louverture]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Haiti]]
[[Category:History of the Caribbean]]
[[Category:Revolutions]]
[[Category:1800s]]
[[Category:1790s]]
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The '''[[w:Haitian Revolution|Haitian Revolution]]''' was a successful anti-slavery and anti-colonial insurrection by self-liberated slaves against French colonial rule in Saint-Domingue, now the sovereign nation of dharsh
{{theme-stub}}
==Quotes==
* The Good Lord who created the sun which gives us light from above, who rouses the sea and makes the thunder roar—listen well, all of you—this god, hidden in the clouds, watches us. He sees all that the white man does. The god of the white man calls him to commit crimes; our god asks only good works of us. But this god who is so good orders revenge! He will direct our hands; he will aid us. Throw away the image of the god of the whites who thirsts for our tears and listen to the voice of liberty which speaks in the hearts of all of us.
** [[Dutty Boukman]], August 1791
* From their French masters, [the slaves] had known rape, torture, degradation, and, at the slightest provocation, death. They returned in kind. For two centuries the higher civilization had shown them that power was used for wreaking your will on those whom you controlled. Now that they held power they did as they had been taught.
** [[C. L. R. James]], ''[[w:The Black Jacobins|The Black Jacobins]]'' (1938), p. 88
* Historians otherwise eager to find evidence of “external” participation in the 1791 uprising skip the unmistakable evidence that the rebellious slaves had their own program. In one of their earliest negotiations with representatives of the French government, the leaders of the rebellion did not ask for an abstractly couched “freedom.” Rather, their most sweeping demands included three days a week to work on their own gardens and the elimination of the whip. These were not Jacobinist demands adapted to the tropics, nor royalist claims twice creolized. These were slave demands with the strong peasant touch that would characterize independent Haiti. But such evidence of an internal drive, although known to most historians, is not debated—not even to be rejected or interpreted otherwise. It is simply ignored, and this ignorance produces a silence of trivialization.
** [[Michel-Rolph Trouillot]], ''Silencing the Past: Power and the Production of History'' (1995), p. 103
* The slaves burned everything, yes, but, unfortunately, they only burned everything in Haiti. Theirs was the greatest and most successful revolution in the history of the world but the failure of their fire to cross the waters was the great tragedy of the nineteenth century.
** Anthony Paul Farley, [https://lawdigitalcommons.bc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1028&context=lsfp "Perfecting Slavery"] (2005), p. 236
==See also==
* [[Haiti]]
* [[Toussaint Louverture]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Haiti]]
[[Category:History of the Caribbean]]
[[Category:Revolutions]]
[[Category:1800s]]
[[Category:1790s]]
3ovefuzd9qw154f2a6rk7oetd2m2hvg
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Raquel Baranow
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The '''[[w:Haitian Revolution|Haitian Revolution]]''' was a successful anti-slavery and anti-colonial insurrection by self-liberated slaves against French colonial rule in Saint-Domingue, now the sovereign nation of Haiti.
{{theme-stub}}
==Quotes==
* The Good Lord who created the sun which gives us light from above, who rouses the sea and makes the thunder roar—listen well, all of you—this god, hidden in the clouds, watches us. He sees all that the white man does. The god of the white man calls him to commit crimes; our god asks only good works of us. But this god who is so good orders revenge! He will direct our hands; he will aid us. Throw away the image of the god of the whites who thirsts for our tears and listen to the voice of liberty which speaks in the hearts of all of us.
** [[Dutty Boukman]], August 1791
* From their French masters, [the slaves] had known rape, torture, degradation, and, at the slightest provocation, death. They returned in kind. For two centuries the higher civilization had shown them that power was used for wreaking your will on those whom you controlled. Now that they held power they did as they had been taught.
** [[C. L. R. James]], ''[[w:The Black Jacobins|The Black Jacobins]]'' (1938), p. 88
* Historians otherwise eager to find evidence of “external” participation in the 1791 uprising skip the unmistakable evidence that the rebellious slaves had their own program. In one of their earliest negotiations with representatives of the French government, the leaders of the rebellion did not ask for an abstractly couched “freedom.” Rather, their most sweeping demands included three days a week to work on their own gardens and the elimination of the whip. These were not Jacobinist demands adapted to the tropics, nor royalist claims twice creolized. These were slave demands with the strong peasant touch that would characterize independent Haiti. But such evidence of an internal drive, although known to most historians, is not debated—not even to be rejected or interpreted otherwise. It is simply ignored, and this ignorance produces a silence of trivialization.
** [[Michel-Rolph Trouillot]], ''Silencing the Past: Power and the Production of History'' (1995), p. 103
* The slaves burned everything, yes, but, unfortunately, they only burned everything in Haiti. Theirs was the greatest and most successful revolution in the history of the world but the failure of their fire to cross the waters was the great tragedy of the nineteenth century.
** Anthony Paul Farley, [https://lawdigitalcommons.bc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1028&context=lsfp "Perfecting Slavery"] (2005), p. 236
==See also==
* [[Haiti]]
* [[Toussaint Louverture]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Haiti]]
[[Category:History of the Caribbean]]
[[Category:Revolutions]]
[[Category:1800s]]
[[Category:1790s]]
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[[File:Claudia Jones.jpg|thumb]]
'''[[w:Claudia Jones|Claudia Jones]]''' née '''Claudia Vera Cumberbatch''' (21 February 1915 – 24 December 1964), was a Trinidad and Tobago-born journalist and activist. As a child she migrated with her family to the US, where she became a political activist and black nationalist.
{{activist-stub}}
==Quotes==
* A developing consciousness on the woman question today, therefore, must not fail to recognize that the Negro question in the United States is ''prior'' to, and not equal to, the woman question; that only to the extent that we fight all chauvinist expressions and actions as regards the Negro people and fight for the full equality of the Negro people, can women as a whole advance their struggle for equal rights. For the progressive women's movement, the Negro woman, who combines in her status the worker, the Negro, and the woman, is the vital link to this heightened political consciousness.
** "An End to the Neglect of the Problems of the Negro Woman" (1949), in ''Let Nobody Turn Us Around: An African-American Anthology'' (2009), p. 324
===[https://speakingwhilefemale.co/radicals-jones/ Statement] (January 1953)===
Statement before being sentenced, US Courthouse, Foley Square, New York City. In ''Claudia Jones: Beyond Containment'', ed. Carole Boyce Davies (Banbury, Oxfordshire: Ayebia Clarke Publishing Ltd), 2011, pp. 6-10.
* if what I say here serves even one whit to further dedicate growing millions of Americans to fight for peace and to repel the fascist drive on free speech and thought in our country, I shall consider my rising to speak worthwhile indeed.
* Will you measure as worth of one year’s sentence, my passionate adherence to the idea of fighting for full unequivocal equality for my people, the Negro people, which as a Communist I believe can only be achieved allied to the cause of the working class? A year for another vital Communist belief, that the bestial Korean War is an unjust war? Or my belief that peaceful coexistence of nations can be achieved and peace won if struggled for? Another year for my belief that only under socialism will exploitation of and by man be finally abolished and the great human and industrial resources of the nation be harnessed for the well-being of the people? Still another year’s sentence for my belief that the denial of the exercise of free speech and thought to Communists only precedes, as history confirms, the denial of the exercise of these rights to all Americans?
* I find now, as throughout this trial of the ideas of Marxism-Leninism, that it is we, the defendants, who are morally free and conversely it is the prosecutors and the Court itself that stands naked before the Bill of Rights and the Constitution and the people of our country.
* It was the world-renowned [[Karl Marx]], founder of the Marxist-Leninist science, for which application to American and world historical conditions, we were so fearfully convicted, who long ago predicted that “The time would come when the powers that would be would no longer live by the very laws they themselves have fashioned.”
* The thinking process, as your Honour well knows, is a process that defies jailing.
* racist ideas, so integral a part of the desperate drive by the men of Wall Street to war and fascism
* One thought pervaded me throughout this trial and pervades me still, and it is this: In the nine and one half months of this trial, millions of children have been born. I speak only of those who live. Will the future oft those children, including those of our defendants and even you Honour’s grandchildren, be made more secure by the jailing of 13 men and women Communists whose crimes are not criminal acts but advocacy of ideas? Is this not a tyrannical violation of the American dream of “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?
* I had early experience experiences which are shared by millions of native-born Negroes — the bitter indignity and humiliation of second-class citizenship, the special status which makes a mockery of our Government’s prated claims of a “free America” in a “free world” for 15 million Negro Americans.
* Marxism-Leninism — that philosophy that not only rejects racists ideas, but is the antithesis of them.
* One need only be a Negro in America to know that for the crime of being a Negro we are daily convicted by a Government which denies us elementary democratic rights, the right to vote, to hold office, to hold judgeships, to serve on juries, rights forcibly denied in the South and also in the North.
* I want to concur with Mr. Perry’s proposal to Mr. Lane that he recommend to the Department of Justice that they show more zeal, since they have not ever prosecuted a single anti-Semite or a Ku Kluxer in these United States with its total of 5,000 lynched Negro men, women and Children since the 1860s.
* one of the historical truths of all history is that the oppressed never revere their oppressors.
* And this, Honourable Judge, is exactly what is the purpose of all Smith Act trials, this one in particular. I share the faith of [[Elizabeth Gurley Flynn]] and [[Pettis Perry]] and all my c –defendants that America’s working people, Negro and white, will surely rise, not like sheep, but with vigilance towards their liberty, to assure that peace will win and that the decadent Smith Act, which contravenes the Bill of Rights, will be swept from the scene of history.
* It was the great [[Frederick Douglass]], who had a price on his head, who said “Without struggle, there is no progress.” And echoing his words was the answer of the great abolitionist poet, [[James Russell Lowell]]: “The limits of tyranny is proscribed by the measure of our resistance to it”.
* If, out of this struggle, history assesses that I and my co-defendants have made some small contribution, I shall consider my role small indeed. The glorious exploits of anti-fascist heroes and heroines, honoured today in all lands for their contribution to social progress, will, just like the role of our prosecutors, also be measured by the people of the United States in that coming day.
==Quotes about Claudia Jones==
*As [[Carole Boyce Davies]] has pointed out in her wonderful book on Claudia Jones, ''Left of Karl Marx'', Claudia Jones was one of the leaders of the Negro Youth Congress (the American Negro Youth Congress and the Southern Youth Congress). And I mention Jones both because of her important work in the US and because she became a pivotal figure in the organizing of Caribbean communities here in Britain after she was arrested for the work she did in the US and eventually deported. How can we counteract the representation of historical agents as powerful individuals, powerful male individuals, in order to reveal the part played, for example, by Black women domestic workers in the Black freedom movement?
**[[Angela Y. Davis]], ''Freedom Is a Constant Struggle'' (2015)
*I will be strong to keep my mind and soul outside a prison,/Encouraged and inspired by ever loving memories of you.
**[[Elizabeth Gurley Flynn]], last two lines of the poem "Farewell to Claudia"
*The Supreme Court handed down its decision in the Foley Square case on June 4, 1951. Just over two weeks later FBI agents in New York rounded up such "second string" leaders as [[Elizabeth Gurley Flynn]], [[Pettis Perry]], and [[Claudia Jones]]. After that we knew it couldn't be long before the arrests came in other places.
**[[Dorothy Ray Healey]] ''California Red: A Life in the American Communist Party'' (1990)
*Whereas for Claudia Jones the structural position of black people-black women in particular-in the political economy placed them in the vanguard of the revolution, for [[Paul Robeson]] it was their culture that gave the black movement its special insight and character.
**[[Robin Kelley]] ''Freedom Dreams'' (2002)
*The other great tragedy, for the black freedom movement in particular, was the silencing of radical leadership. Robeson, [[W. E. B. Du Bois|Du Bois]], and Claudia Jones were among the many victims of statesponsored anticommunist witch hunts.
**[[Robin Kelley]] ''Freedom Dreams'' (2002)
*The position of women has been debated in socialist and communist circles, but even there it is usually left as a question. And black women specifically? They have never been a primary subject of the American Left, always falling somewhere in the cracks between the Negro Question and the Woman Question. As we've seen, key interventions by the likes of [[Ida B. Wells]] or [[Claudia Jones]] attempted to disrupt color- and class-struggle-as-usual, but few leftists paid attention.
**[[Robin Kelley]] ''Freedom Dreams'' (2002)
*My feminism is the feminism of Claudia Jones, whose experiences of intense racism and working-class poverty led her to communism, who proposed Black self-determination as a guiding principle of communist organizing and was jailed for an anti-imperialist Women's Day speech. She criticized the left for failing to uproot male supremacy, and the elite feminists who ignored race and class and framed their struggles as a war between the sexes, and wrote that "the triply oppressed status of negro women is a barometer of the status of all women."
**[[Aurora Levins Morales]] ''Medicine Stories: Essays for Radicals'' (2019 edition)
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Jones, Claudia}}
[[Category:Marxists]]
[[Category:Feminists]]
[[Category:1915 births]]
[[Category:1964 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Trinidad and Tobago]]
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk (film)|Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk]]''''' is a [[w:2016 in film|2016]] war drama film about the experience of a young U.S. soldier and his squad as they enjoy two weeks of leave in the US after a firefight in Iraq catapulted them to fame for their heroism.
:''Directed by [[w:Ang Lee|Ang Lee]]. Written by Jean-Christophe Castelli, based on the 2012 [[w:Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk|eponymous novel]] by [[w:Ben Fountain|Ben Fountain]].''
==Billy Lynn==
[[File:US Army soldiers in a firefight near Al Doura, Baghdad.jpg|thumb|right|I'm not a hero Kat. I'm a Soldier.]]
* If they let us Texans all drive, there'd be no need for PT belts and safety briefs!
* I'm not a hero Kat. I'm a soldier. That's what Shroom taught me. Its where I belong. I'm not saying its right, but its not wrong neither. It just is.
==Others==
* Lynn, your stupidity is robbing this world of oxygen and I won't stand for it!
** SSG Dime
* It's going down! […] I'm going down.
** Shroom ''(Right before SSG Shroom is fatally wounded in a firefight)''
* Ladies, Haji's gonna pop your cherry. And he's not the kind of guy to take you to dinner first. These men are fighters. This is their house and you respect a man in his house! Now warriors, embrace your fear and let your training guide you.
** Shroom
==Dialogue==
:''(A friendly civilian approaches the squad and talks them about his work in domestic oil, which he believes is going to help bring the troops home. He inquires about the squad's experience, to the annoyance of SSG Dime)''
:'''Wayne:''' From your own perspective, how do you think we're doing over there?
:'''SSG Dime:''' How are we doing? Just from our own perspective... Well I'm far from qualified to speak to the big picture Sir. All I can tell you with any confidence is that the exchange force with intent to kill. That is truly a mind altering experience Sir.
:'''Wayne:''' I can only imagine how hard it is to face that level of violence.
:'''SSG Dime:''' Oh no, we like going lethal. I mean isn't that what your paying us for Sir? Take the fight to America's enemies and send them straight to hell? If we didn't enjoy killing people, what'd be the point? Might as well send the peace corps in to fight the war.
:'''Wayne:''' Uh well, I guess you got me there.
:'''SSG Dime:''' Sir, you see these men. I don't how they were before the Army got them, but you give them a weapon system and a couple of red bulls, and they'll blast the hell out of anything that moves. Ain't that right Bravo?
:'''Bravo Squad:''' ''Yes Sergeant!''
:'''SSG Dime:''' See what I mean Sir? They're killers. They're having the time of their lives. So if your company wants to frack the living shit out of the barnet shale, that's fine. That's your prerogative. But don't go doing it on our account. You got your business Sir, and we got ours. You just keep on drilling Sir, and we'll keep on killing!
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Shroom''': Yeah, the Hindus wanted something, Billy. Ours is what they called the Karma of Action. The way of the warrior.
:'''Billy''': Sorry fuckin' excuse for a warrior I'm turning out to be.
:'''Shroom''': Only if you keep asking "why". Like, "Why must I always take point on patrol?" or "Why must I kill?". Always wanting answers? That's just desire, bro. That shit'll trap you inside of yourself. And believe me, you don't wanna be there -- especially when you're out here.
:'''Billy''': Yeah, well what if I desire not to get killed?
:'''Shroom''': Well, it's useless to worry about it; if a bullet's gonna get you, it's already been fired.
<hr width="50%" />
:''(Billy imagines he is in a HMMWV with his fallen team leader)''
:'''Shroom:''' So here you are Billy.
:'''Billy:''' Yeah. I guess I always have been. You know, I've been thinking these past two weeks that I know something. something the civilians don't know but... You know what? They're the ones running this show. I mean I've lived the damn war but, it's still there war, isn't it? Their movie.
:'''Shroom:''' We're a nation of children Billy. We go somewhere else to grow up, sometimes die. It's your time to step up. Remember, the bullet's already been fired.
:'''Billy:''' I'm ready Sergeant.
:'''Shroom:''' I love you.
:'''Billy:''' I love you.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''SSG Dime:''' ''(As the squad prepares to leave, each squadmate has declared his love for the team)'' What do you want me to say? I love you to. We're good. Lets roll.
:'''Lodis:''' Hell yeah.
:'''Mango:''' Get us the fuck outta here.
:'''Holliday:''' Yeah, before they kill us.
:'''Sykes:''' Take us someplace safe.
:'''Crack:''' Take us back to the war.
:'''Foo:''' Take us home.
:'''SSG Dime:''' Seatbelts!
==Cast==
* [[w:Joe Alwyn|Joe Alwyn]] as Billy Lynn
* [[w:Kristen Stewart|Kristen Stewart]] as Kathryn
* [[w:Chris Tucker|Chris Tucker]] as Albert
* [[w:Garrett Hedlund|Garrett Hedlund]] as Dime, Bravo Squad's Staff Sgt.
* [[w:Makenzie Leigh|Makenzie Leigh]] as Faison Zorn, Dallas cheerleader
* [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]] as Shroom, Bravo Squad
* [[w:Steve Martin|Steve Martin]] as Norm Oglesby
* Brian "Astro" Bradley as Lodis, Bravo Squad
* Arturo Castro as Mango, Bravo Squad
* Ismael Cruz Córdova as Holliday, Bravo Squad
* Barney Harris as Sykes, Bravo Squad
* Beau Knapp as Robert "Crack" Earl Koch, Bravo Squad
* Mason Lee as Foo, Bravo Squad
* Ben Platt as Josh, Dallas team rep working with Bravo Squad during the football game.
* Tim Blake Nelson as Wayne
* Matthew Barnes as Travis
* Deirdre Lovejoy as Billy's Mother
* Bruce McKinnon as Billy's Father
* Laura Wheale as Billy's Sister
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|2513074}}
[[Category:2016 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:War films]]
[[Category:Films based on American novels]]
ehe7i14wtpd16zd0ebclalfttmeamnu
3935081
3935080
2026-04-30T19:10:36Z
UnknownMorsel
3106105
/* Others */
3935081
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk (film)|Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk]]''''' is a [[w:2016 in film|2016]] war drama film about the experience of a young U.S. soldier and his squad as they enjoy two weeks of leave in the US after a firefight in Iraq catapulted them to fame for their heroism.
:''Directed by [[w:Ang Lee|Ang Lee]]. Written by Jean-Christophe Castelli, based on the 2012 [[w:Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk|eponymous novel]] by [[w:Ben Fountain|Ben Fountain]].''
==Billy Lynn==
[[File:US Army soldiers in a firefight near Al Doura, Baghdad.jpg|thumb|right|I'm not a hero Kat. I'm a Soldier.]]
* If they let us Texans all drive, there'd be no need for PT belts and safety briefs!
* I'm not a hero Kat. I'm a soldier. That's what Shroom taught me. Its where I belong. I'm not saying its right, but its not wrong neither. It just is.
==Shroom==
* Ladies, Haji's gonna pop your cherry. And he's not the kind of guy to take you to dinner first. These men are fighters. This is their house and you respect a man in his house! Now warriors, embrace your fear and let your training guide you.
* Look, Billy -- it doesn't have to be about God or country. Just find something bigger than yourself.
* It's going down! […] I'm going down.
==Others==
* '''SSG Dime''': Lynn, your stupidity is robbing this world of oxygen and I won't stand for it!
==Dialogue==
:''(A friendly civilian approaches the squad and talks them about his work in domestic oil, which he believes is going to help bring the troops home. He inquires about the squad's experience, to the annoyance of SSG Dime)''
:'''Wayne:''' From your own perspective, how do you think we're doing over there?
:'''SSG Dime:''' How are we doing? Just from our own perspective... Well I'm far from qualified to speak to the big picture Sir. All I can tell you with any confidence is that the exchange force with intent to kill. That is truly a mind altering experience Sir.
:'''Wayne:''' I can only imagine how hard it is to face that level of violence.
:'''SSG Dime:''' Oh no, we like going lethal. I mean isn't that what your paying us for Sir? Take the fight to America's enemies and send them straight to hell? If we didn't enjoy killing people, what'd be the point? Might as well send the peace corps in to fight the war.
:'''Wayne:''' Uh well, I guess you got me there.
:'''SSG Dime:''' Sir, you see these men. I don't how they were before the Army got them, but you give them a weapon system and a couple of red bulls, and they'll blast the hell out of anything that moves. Ain't that right Bravo?
:'''Bravo Squad:''' ''Yes Sergeant!''
:'''SSG Dime:''' See what I mean Sir? They're killers. They're having the time of their lives. So if your company wants to frack the living shit out of the barnet shale, that's fine. That's your prerogative. But don't go doing it on our account. You got your business Sir, and we got ours. You just keep on drilling Sir, and we'll keep on killing!
<hr width="50%" />
:'''Shroom''': Yeah, the Hindus wanted something, Billy. Ours is what they called the Karma of Action. The way of the warrior.
:'''Billy''': Sorry fuckin' excuse for a warrior I'm turning out to be.
:'''Shroom''': Only if you keep asking "why". Like, "Why must I always take point on patrol?" or "Why must I kill?". Always wanting answers? That's just desire, bro. That shit'll trap you inside of yourself. And believe me, you don't wanna be there -- especially when you're out here.
:'''Billy''': Yeah, well what if I desire not to get killed?
:'''Shroom''': Well, it's useless to worry about it; if a bullet's gonna get you, it's already been fired.
<hr width="50%" />
:''(Billy imagines he is in a HMMWV with his fallen team leader)''
:'''Shroom:''' So here you are Billy.
:'''Billy:''' Yeah. I guess I always have been. You know, I've been thinking these past two weeks that I know something. something the civilians don't know but... You know what? They're the ones running this show. I mean I've lived the damn war but, it's still there war, isn't it? Their movie.
:'''Shroom:''' We're a nation of children Billy. We go somewhere else to grow up, sometimes die. It's your time to step up. Remember, the bullet's already been fired.
:'''Billy:''' I'm ready Sergeant.
:'''Shroom:''' I love you.
:'''Billy:''' I love you.
<hr width="50%" />
:'''SSG Dime:''' ''(As the squad prepares to leave, each squadmate has declared his love for the team)'' What do you want me to say? I love you to. We're good. Lets roll.
:'''Lodis:''' Hell yeah.
:'''Mango:''' Get us the fuck outta here.
:'''Holliday:''' Yeah, before they kill us.
:'''Sykes:''' Take us someplace safe.
:'''Crack:''' Take us back to the war.
:'''Foo:''' Take us home.
:'''SSG Dime:''' Seatbelts!
==Cast==
* [[w:Joe Alwyn|Joe Alwyn]] as Billy Lynn
* [[w:Kristen Stewart|Kristen Stewart]] as Kathryn
* [[w:Chris Tucker|Chris Tucker]] as Albert
* [[w:Garrett Hedlund|Garrett Hedlund]] as Dime, Bravo Squad's Staff Sgt.
* [[w:Makenzie Leigh|Makenzie Leigh]] as Faison Zorn, Dallas cheerleader
* [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]] as Shroom, Bravo Squad
* [[w:Steve Martin|Steve Martin]] as Norm Oglesby
* Brian "Astro" Bradley as Lodis, Bravo Squad
* Arturo Castro as Mango, Bravo Squad
* Ismael Cruz Córdova as Holliday, Bravo Squad
* Barney Harris as Sykes, Bravo Squad
* Beau Knapp as Robert "Crack" Earl Koch, Bravo Squad
* Mason Lee as Foo, Bravo Squad
* Ben Platt as Josh, Dallas team rep working with Bravo Squad during the football game.
* Tim Blake Nelson as Wayne
* Matthew Barnes as Travis
* Deirdre Lovejoy as Billy's Mother
* Bruce McKinnon as Billy's Father
* Laura Wheale as Billy's Sister
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|2513074}}
[[Category:2016 films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:War films]]
[[Category:Films based on American novels]]
cqmzfrn5cx236czcq7wep8dbx6sc1pn
Digimon Adventure
0
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2026-04-30T23:54:29Z
~2026-26398-18
3315137
/* Sea-Sick and Tired [1.41] */
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wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Digimon Adventure}}''''' is a 1999 Japanese anime television series created by Akiyoshi Hongo, and produced by Toei Animation in cooperation with WiZ, Bandai and Fuji Television. It is the first anime series in the [[Digimon]] franchise, based on the virtual pet series. The story centers on children called the DigiDestined who are transported into the Digital World by Digivices and partner with Digimon to save the world.
It was followed by a sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure 02}}''''' in 2000. It was later followed by a second sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure tri.}}''''' in 2015.
==''Digimon Adventure''==
===''And So It Begins...'' [1.01]===
:'''Tai''': ''[first lines of the series]'' That's home. Planet Earth. But I'm not sure that's where I am right now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, by the way, my name's Tai. This is Sora. She's okay, for a girl. And Matt. Matt's too cool. Just look at that haircut! And this little kid is Izzy. He should have gone to computer camp. That's Mimi. I bet you can guess her favorite color on the first try. T.K. is Matt's dopey little brother. Oh, and this is Joe. But don't ever scare him. He'd probably wet his pants.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I'm gonna build the biggest snowman!
:'''Matt''': Hey T.K.! Be careful. Slow down!
:'''Sora''': Brr! It is freezing. And I didn't bring a jacket.
:'''Joe''': Man! I was worried I'd catch a summer cold. But this is even worse!
:'''Mimi''': Wow! Why didn't I pack my fluffy pink snow boots?
:'''Izzy''': Still not working. Bummer. This storm's making a mess of my infrared internet connection.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': That is the last time I eat camp food!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[at a cliff]'' Great! Anybody bring a helicopter?
===''The Birth of Greymon'' [1.02]===
:'''Tai''': When we get back, this is gonna make one great story... But of course, not a single soul will ever believe me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phone Operator''': Tomorrow's forecast calls for clear skies with occasional ice cream.
:'''Mimi''': What do you wear for that?
:'''Phone Operator''' This number only exists in your imagination. Please hang up, and don't call back.
:'''Matt''': What planet did I dial?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[sarcastically to Joe]'' I'm glad we never hear you complaining.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Whoa! He did it again! Now he's Greymon!
===''Garurumon'' [1.03]===
:'''T.K.''': Big Bro...you're the best!
===''Biyomon Gets Firepower'' [1.04]===
:'''Matt''': Moving right along, folks... keep it moving... Our next stop on the tour will be the forest of irrelevant road signs. No pictures, please.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': We're going to be okay, just keep moving along.
:'''Palmon''': My head is baking. If this goes on too much longer, I'm going to look like a wilted salad!
:'''Mimi''': ''[places her pink cowboy hat on Palmon's head]'' Here, you wear my hat for a while. You need it more than I do.
:'''Palmon''': Thank you Mimi.
:'''T.K.''': PU! What's that yucky smell?
:'''Matt''': Here's a thought. Now you know why they call them sweat socks!
:'''Mimi''': This beach would be a lot more popular if it had a lot more things, like an ocean, a gentle breeze, a snack bar, a hunky lifeguard, you know?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the village]'' Maybe they'll have hats for sale, half-off.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': Oh my! I would just love to take on home and put it on my bed with all my other stuffed animals!
:'''Matt''': There she goes again. Do you think Mimi hears the same things we hear? I'm not so sure anymore.
:'''Izzy''': Maybe she's an alien spy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Smells better than broccoli. Who knows, it might taste better.
:'''Matt''': Has anybody noticed? We talk a lot about food.
:'''Sora''': Nah, I'm not hungry.
:'''Joe''': I'm skipping this one too. I just don't like to eat on an empty stomach. Besides, I don't even know what that stuff is, but I'm sure I'm allergic to it.
===''Kabuterimon's Electro Shocker'' [1.05]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[recurring line]'' Prodigious!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': ''[to Tai]'' Too bad your brain isn't as big as your hair.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': Now that you boys have holes in your heads, maybe your brains will get more oxygen.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Or, we could stand here frozen until the monster gets us!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Boy, that's productive. This thing puts the pieces together, and then it takes them apart.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, yeah? Just try it, you tin can!
:'''Joe''': Would you please stop taunting the deranged android?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Even more incredible, in Digiworld basic data and simple living information are a living viable substance. It's alive!
===''Togemon in Toy Town'' [1.06]===
:'''Agumon''': Now let's try some solo performances, starting with Mimi.
:'''Tai''': Mimi?
:'''Sora''': Mimi?
:'''Matt''': Singing?
:'''Mimi''': ''[Singing badly]'' Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam...
:'''Joe''': Avoiding your drone.
:'''Mimi''': Oh come on I had singing lessons for three years.
:'''T.K''': Oh you did? Did it help?
:'''Izzy''': Mimi, you should get a refund. That's what I think.
===''Ikkakumon's Harpoon Torpedo'' [1.07]===
:'''Sora''': Cheer up. Tell me how you like your eggs and I'll do the best I can.
:'''Joe''': I prefer my eggs to be covered in salt and pepper, but I guess it doesn't really matter.
:'''Tai''': I like soy sauce.
:'''Matt''': How about salsa?
:'''Sora''': How about a reality check?
:'''Izzy''': I'll have mine with mustard and jellybeans, please.
:'''Matt''': How gross!
:'''T.K.''': Jellybeans. That sounds good.
:'''Mimi''': What? You're all weird! My favorite is eggs covered in maple syrup! Sometimes I like to eat them with cherries on top!
:'''Tai''': Now that's weird!
:'''T.K.''': But I bet it's good.
:'''Joe''': You guys are completely making me lose my appetite! I mean, come on. Jellybeans and cherries on eggs? That's just crazy talk! Salt and pepper is all they need. Keep it simple. That's always been my motto.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[to Tai]'' Put your fists down when you talk to me and stop acting like you can bully your way into being the leader!
===''Evil Shows His Face'' [1.08]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Tai's map]'' No question, man, you are the dude of doodles!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Potato chips, chocolate chips, fish and chips, I'll have any kind of chips!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': Whenever my skin gets dirty, I just shed it.
:'''Izzy''': That would be difficult for me.
===''Subzero Ice Punch!'' [1.09]===
:'''Tai''': Sure, let's go for a hike. Then after that we'll hike. And then we can hike some more.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': I thought we'd never find you guys! It is sure lucky we met up with Frigimon.
:'''Matt''': Frosty the snowmon here?
:'''Tai''': Yep. This is him. He happened to see you two fall on this island, and then he got us here in no time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Who are you calling a jerk, jerk?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Matt, Tai, quit it!
===''A Clue from the Digi-Past'' [1.10]===
===''The Dancing Digimon'' [1.11]===
:''[Joe catches Gomamon eating]''
:'''Joe''': Did I just hear you eating again?
:'''Gomamon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Joe''': Didn't I tell you not to eat all the food, since we don't know when we'll find land?! I told you that we need to ration, which means save food for later, as in much later.
:'''Gomamon''': But it ''is'' later Joe. You told me that 20 minutes ago.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner]'' 20 minutes is not much later! Please tell me there is still some food in the bag!
:'''Gomamon''': Well, no. Since you can't handle eating and floating on the ocean at the same time, I ate it all. Besides, I need food to Digivolve in case we run into bad Digimon.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner again]'' So, have we seen any bad Digimon?! NO! If I starve, who are you gonna protect?! ''[he retches and heaves over the side of the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That's enough about food. Things'll get better soon. Hang in there buddy.
:''[both see a crate coming near the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That crate is gonna hit us!
:'''Joe''': Maybe it's full of fruit, vegetables, bread, milk, cereal, hot dogs, cookies, candy, and soda?
:'''Gomamon''': I wish!
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner yet again]'' You wish?! We wouldn't need more food if you hadn't eaten ours!
:'''Gomamon''': You're strong when you're hungry!
:'''Joe''': Starvation is a good motivator. Looks like we'll need a jackhammer to open this.
===''DigiBaby Boom'' [1.12]===
:'''T.K.''': My parents are still mad at me, for the time I painted our kitty cat.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I don't want to fight ever!
===''The Legend of the Digi-destined'' [1.13]===
:'''T.K.''': Hey! Let's play a game with the baby Digimon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': Okay, so you don’t wanna play any games.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[seeing Angemon for the first time]'' I wanna take him home with me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Angemon''': T.K., I'll come back again, if you want me to.
===''Departure for a New Continent'' [1.14]===
:'''Tai''': I have a foolproof plan: first we'll eat something, then after that... I'm open to suggestions!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': When we had to survive on our own, we grew up very fast... except for Joe, he just threw up very fast...
===''The Dark Network of Etemon'' [1.15]===
:'''Tai''': Never trust anything without feet!
===''The Arrival of Skullgreymon'' [1.16]===
===''The Crest of Sincerity'' [1.17]===
===''The Piximon Cometh'' [1.18]===
===''The Prisoner of the Pyramid'' [1.19]===
:'''Matt''': Computer guys can never just tell you something. They have to spend all day explaining it to you...
===''The Earthquake of MetalGreymon'' [1.20]===
:'''Tai''': Be ready when I give the signal.
:'''Izzy''': Roger.
:'''Mimi''': He forgot his name!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': A man must face himself before he can face his enemies.
===''Home Away from Home'' [1.21]===
===''Forget About It!'' [1.22]===
:'''Matt''': ''[To T.K. and Tokomon]'' Remember it's an amusement park, so like... amuse yourselves.
===''WereGarurumon's Diner'' [1.23]===
:'''Joe''': Tai, I'm so glad to see you, but don't break anything.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Then our friends must be nearby. It did the same thing we found T.K.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[angrily]'' How dare you say that, Matt! We're all friends here!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': You gotta believe me, Matt.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've been here long enough to pay for a trip to Hawaii!
:'''Digitamamon''': ''[Growing furiously]'' Hawaii is not on the schedule, but if you insist I'll send you to the moon! ''[Attacks]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[when Vegiemon attacks T.K.]'' That's going too far! I've had it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': After I accused him and yelled at him, he still risked himself for T.K. Joe. No!
===''No Questions, Please'' [1.24]===
===''Princess Karaoke'' [1.25]===
:'''Mimi''': So you thought you could pull a fast one on Princess Mimi did you?
:'''Tai''': That's Princess Meanie!
===''Sora's Crest of Love'' [1.26]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Sora]'' If she wants to cry, let her.
===''The Gateway to Home'' [1.27]===
:'''Tai''': Did you find anything down there, Izzy?
:'''Tentomon''': You could say that, Tai, but the thing is we're up here and you're down there.
:'''Agumon''': I think you guys may need glasses. We're way up here above you.
:'''Izzy''': But that can't be! That's scientifically impossible!
===''It's All in the Cards'' [1.28]===
:''[When they first meet Gennai]''
:'''Mimi''': HOW COME YOU CALLED US THE DIGIDESTINED?!
:'''Gennai''': I'm old, not deaf!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[looking at a picture of Gomamon]'' Alright, look at Gomamon!
:'''Gomamon''': I'm cuter in person.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gennai''': You must never forget that you are the Digidestined.
:'''Joe''': I'll never forget this stomachache.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Koromon''': How did you know my card was the fake, Tai?
:'''Tai''': I didn't. I kept your card because you're my friend.
:'''Koromon''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, how nice.
===''Return to Highton View Terrace'' [1.29]===
:'''Sora''': There are millions of kids like us in the world.
:'''Biyomon''': You mean there are millions of Soras?
:'''Sora''': ''[yelling]'' There's only one of me!
===''Almost Home Free'' [1.30]===
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the money the group had]'' Whoops, we went and spent it all.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[after their lame attempts at hitchhiking]'' Not so easy is it, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Well, at least my cat's not stuck in a tree!
===''The Eighth Digivice'' [1.31]===
===''Gatomon Comes Calling'' [1.32]===
:'''Tai''': ''[looking at Agumon in his poor disguise]'' Yeah. That's real inconspicuous.
===''Out on the Town'' [1.33]===
:'''Gotsumon''': ''[Pumpkinmon runs right into a teenager who falls down on the ground]'' Wow, you hit down some kind of monster!
:'''Pumpkinmon''': Even worse, I think I hit down a teenager!
===''The Eighth Child Revealed'' [1.34]===
:'''Myotismon''': ''[To Wizardmon]'' Did you really think you could betray me and get away with it?
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[Protecting Gatomon]'' How could I betray you? I was never on your side to start with!
===''Flower Power'' [1.35]===
===''City Under Siege'' [1.36]===
:'''Gomamon''': ''[popping out of Joe's gym bag]'' Ta-da! Fresh air.
===''Wizardmon's Gift'' [1.37]===
:'''Tai''': You've picked on the wrong guy's little sister, Mr. Fang-Face!
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:'''Kari''': ''[after Wizardmon sacrifices himself to save her and Gatomon]'' Wizardmon, you're gonna be all right. Please don't leave! Wizardmon!
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[weakly]'' Are you all right, Gatomon?
:'''Gatomon''': ''[in tears]'' You saved me. I'm sorry.
:'''Wizardmon''': About what?
:'''Gatomon''': I'm sorry that I got you involved in this.
:'''Wizardmon''': Don't be sorry. I don't have any regrets. If I wouldn't met you, my life would have no meaning. I'm glad you and I were friends.
:'''Gatomon''': That's forever.
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[last words]'' Thank you for everything, Gatomon.
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:'''Angewomon''': Myotismon. You've tried to destroy the Digidestined and attempted to conquer Earth. In doing so, you have ruined the lives of Digimon and humans alike. How can you justify yourself?
:'''Myotismon''': I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you! It is my destiny to plunge this world into darkness and become king of the Digital World! And no angel or Digimon has the power to stop me!
:'''Angemon''': Myotismon, don't you have any regrets for the things you have done?
:'''Myotismon''': Hmph. Nightmare-
:'''Angewomon''': Heaven's Charm!
:'''Myotismon''': Ugh!
:'''MetalGreymon''': My power! It's...it's growing!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Now!
:'''Garudamon''': Everyone, give your power to Angewomon!
:'''MetalKabuterimon''': Horn Buster!
:'''Lillymon''': Flower Cannon!
:'''Zudomon''': Vulcan's Hammer!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Wolf Claw!
:'''Garudamon''': Wing Blade!
:'''MetalGreymon''': Giga Blaster!
:'''Angemon''': Hand of Fate!
:'''Angewomon''': Celestial Arrow!
:'''Myotismon''': Don't! Uuu... ARGH!
===''Prophecy'' [1.38]===
:'''Gennai''': The sky will be darkened by the wings of many bats. The fallen people will invoke the name of the undead Digimon king and when the clock strikes the hour of the beast, the undead king will reveal himself in his true form as the beast. Then angels will shoot arrows of hope and light at the loved ones of those they've been sent to protect, and a miracle will happen. Please always recycle.
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:'''Tentomon''': It's quite simple really. Let me explain. Say I'm kind of a guardian angel. Whose guardian angel am I? Yours. And who do you love more than anyone in the world?
:'''Izzy''': Hey, I was getting to that! My mom and dad, of course.
:'''Tentomon''': Exactly, but T.K. and Kari not only have moms and dads, they have something else too.
:'''Izzy's Father''': They have ''brothers''.
:'''Tentomon''': In a word, bingo!
:'''Izzy''': Why would you want them shooting arrows at your loved ones? Sounds kind of dangerous to me.
:'''Izzy's Mother''': They're angels, Izzy. Maybe they're like Cupid, he was sort of like an angel. When he shot arrows, they were arrows of love.
:'''Izzy''': Mom, isn't that a little corny?
:'''Tentomon''': It may be corny, but I believe it. All we have to do is get Angemon and Angewomon to hit you guys with their arrows of ''love''.
:'''Izzy''': Hey! Let's not be too hasty here!
:'''Matt''': Well, what do you think?
:'''Tai''': It's worth a shot. Kari!
:'''Matt''': T.K.!
:'''T.K.''': You sure you wanna?
:'''Tai''': Let's see these arrows of hope and light!
:'''Matt''': You two have got to get them to shoot at us.
:'''Tai''': They'll only do it if you tell them to.
:'''Kari''': You really want them to shoot you?
:'''T.K.''': What if you get, like, dead or something?
:'''Matt''': Never happen.
:'''Kari''': Okay. Angewomon!
:'''T.K.''': Angemon, listen up! I know this maybe sounds crazy but shoot Matt and Tai with your arrows.
:'''Kari''': You too, Angewomon.
:'''Angemon''': He's right.
:'''Angewomon''': Sounds crazy, but...
:'''Gabumon''': Wait! You sure about this?
:'''Agumon''': What if that prophecy's all wrong?
:'''Tai''': You guys want a miracle to happen or not?
:'''Matt''': Yeah, miracles require a little faith. Scared, Tai?
:'''Tai''': No, no at all. How 'bout you, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Course not! Piece of cake! ''[Matt takes Tai's hand]'' But maybe I'll just hang onto you to make sure you don't chicken out or anything.
:'''Tai''': Yeah. right. I'll do the same for you, buddy. ''[Their crests start to glow]''
:'''Angemon''': One miracle...!
:'''Angewomon''': ...comin' up!
===''The Battle for Earth'' [1.39]===
===''Enter the Dark Masters'' [1.40]===
===''Sea-Sick and Tired'' [1.41]===
:'''Tai''': Look, the fog's finally clearing.
:'''Joe''': Great, now we can clearly see that we're lost.
:'''Izzy''': It's more productive to think of ourselves as we're on our way, Joe.
:'''Matt''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, I feel better already.
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:'''Matt''': Did it get brighter all of the sudden, or is it just Tai's sunny disposition?
===''Under Pressure'' [1.42]===
:'''Metalseadramon''': This my moment to shine! Does my hair look alright?
===''Playing Games'' [1.43]===
:'''Matt''': Enough. Why don't you stop and think about other people's feelings for a change?
:'''Tai''': Huh? What are you talking about?
:'''Matt''': We all know you're right, Tai, but just give us a little space.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''Matt''': We miss our friends who fought alongside of us. Not everyone has ice running through their veins like you do.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''T.K.''': Calm down.
:'''Matt''': You're so busy looking forward, that you never take time to look back. We've lost some good friends here, Tai and it's nice to remember them once in awhile.
:'''Tai''': If we always stop to do that, we'll never have enough time to save the world.
:'''Matt''': You still don't get it. I know you hear me, but you're not listening.
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:'''T.K.''': How boring. I'm not having any fun at all!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[aghast]'' What? I'm the life of the party...I put the "fun" in fungus.
:'''T.K.''': ''[scoffs]'' HA! You just play the same game over and over again... boring!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[distraught]'' I'm not boring!
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:'''Joe''': This is the first time I've been car sick without a car!
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:''[Joe is doubled up on the floor in pain and clutching his stomach]''
:'''Kari''': Joe, what is it?
:'''Joe''': My stomach.
:'''Kari''': What's wrong does it hurt?
:'''Joe''': No. I'm just doing this 'cause it's fun.
===''Trash Day'' [1.44]===
:'''Matt''': I finally got it figured out. If I'm ever gonna change, I have to do it on my own. On my own. The others can't help me.
:'''Cherrymon''': Well, well, well. Look what we've got here. Greetings, nature lovers. What's the matter? Never seen a talking tree?
:'''Matt''': Not many.
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:'''Cherrymon''': Behold the face of your rival!
:'''Matt''': So you're saying... I have to fight Tai, is that it? ''[laughs]'' Nice try, foliage face! You had me going there! You'll have to do better than that!
:'''Cherrymon''': I had nothing to do with it. The Lake of Truth reflects only what is in a person's heart, hence the name.
:'''Matt''': You gotta be kidding.
:'''Cherrymon''': Sorry, kid. It's never wrong.
:'''Matt''': That right? Well, I got news for you. It's off this time, way off!
===''The Ultimate Clash'' [1.45]===
:'''Agumon''': Bug up the nose? That's a bad thing?
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:'''T.K.''': Matt, I'm gonna tell Mom that you were fighting!
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:'''Mimi''': I'm gonna sit here and stare at the flowers until everyone starts getting along.
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:'''Gatomon''': What in the DigiWorld is she doing?
:'''Izzy''': ''[on Kari]'' She appears to be conversing with herself.
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:'''Joe''': Ahh! Piedmon is here! Don't come any closer! Shoo! Go away!
:'''Gomamon''': Relax! It's just an image.
:'''Sora''': Yeah, save your screaming for the real thing.
===''Etemon's Comeback Tour'' [1.46]===
===''Ogremon's Honor'' [1.47]===
===''My Sister's Keeper'' [1.48]===
:'''Izzy''': Hey, Tai! This isn't your normal behavior.
:'''Tai''': It's Kari, she almost died once before because of me.
:'''Izzy, Tentomon and Agumon''': Huh!?
:'''Tai''': It happened when she was four or five, just a little kid. She stayed home from kindergarten one day because she was sick. I mean, I knew she was sick, but all I could think about on the way home was playing soccer.
:'''Young Tai''': Hey, I'm home!
:'''Tai''': I wanted to go out and play, but I didn't want to leave her by herself, so I took her outside with me. She seemed okay, really she did.
:'''Young Tai''': Now watch me, just like that. ''[Kari kicks the ball in the wrong direction]'' No, that's not right ''[sees that Kari has collapsed]'' ...Kari? Kari!
:'''Mrs. Kamiya''': ''[after slapping Young Tai in the face]'' What could you have been thinking!? You knew she was sick! ''[begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': She ended up with pneumonia, or something. She almost didn't make it, but what really kills me is what she said when they brought her home from the hospital. The first words out of her mouth...
:'''Young Kari''': Tai, I'm sorry I can't kick the ball very good. You'll probably never want to play with me again. ''[Young Tai begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': That's her, that's Kari. She never thinks about herself. It doesn't matter if she feels bad or if she's bummed out about other stuff, she's always worried about the other kids. She wouldn't be sick, she'd be just fine if she never came to this stupid place, but she came because she knew that we needed her help. She never thought about what she wanted. She never does!
===''The Crest of Light'' [1.49]===
:'''Sora''': I don't care what you're faster than! As long as you're faster than a gigantic, rolling teddy bear!
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:'''Kari''': My light will guide us toward the others.
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:'''Tentomon''': Tentomon digivolve to... Kabu never mind...
:'''Agumon''': Agumon digivolve to... Greymon! Greymon! Greymon, yeah, I'm Greymon! I'm big and I'm bad...
===''Joe's Battle'' [1.50]===
:'''Mimi''': Everyone's being so nice, so sweet!
:'''Palmon''': Must be because of your charming personality!
:'''Ogremon''': Something tells me we should just nod our heads and go along.
:'''Meramon''': Yeah, right.
:'''Gomamon''': Come on, admit it Joe! Say it! She's charming!
:'''Joe''': ''[blushing]'' SHE'S NOT CHARMING! I mean she is! I'm... not going to have this conversation!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': Tai knows what he's doing. He knows where he fits in, and so do you. So do the others. But I don't! Look, I know that we're in for the fight of our lives, and part of me knows that I should stay and help. But I...I want you to count on me. If I'm unreliable, then Gomamon can't fully Digivolve. We're like circus clowns, we just get in the way. Don't look at me like that, you know it's true! I'm gonna figure this out! They don't call me old reliable for nothing!
:'''Gomamon''': But they don't.
:'''Joe''': I'll ignore that.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The fight between Angewomon and LadyDevimon has become a comical catfight. The guys all stare]''
:'''Tai''': Wow... Look at 'em go.
:'''Izzy''': I know I shouldn't be watching, but I can't take my eyes off them.
:'''Kari''': Get her Angewomon! That's right! Knock that witch's block off! Go!
===''The Crest of Friendship'' [1.51]===
:'''Matt''': I've been living a lie.
:'''Gabumon''': You're not a real blonde?
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:'''Matt''': I've never let anyone ever get close to me before. Not since my family split up. Ever since then, I've been alone. I figured if my family didn't want me, that I would just keep to myself and never tell anyone what I was feeling, and I swore I would never let anyone see me cry. But really all I wanted to do was cry.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[Being held at eye level by Matt]'' Gee, Matt, you look different, have you done something with your hair?
:'''Matt''': ''[deadpan]'' No, I'm just not using as much hair gel that's all.
===''Piedmon's Last Jest'' [1.52]===
:''[about Piedmon]''
:'''Joe''': He made them all disappear.
:'''Tentomon''': Well, at least he didn't saw them in half.
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:'''Sora''': What kinda sicko turns people into keychains?
:'''Piedmon''': I'm not a sicko. I'm a collector, and these new items have such sentimental value to me.
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:'''Piedmon''': Chew on this! ''[attacks]''
:'''MagnaAngemon''': I'm not hungry.
===''Now Apocalymon'' [1.53]===
:'''Apocalymon''': Do you think it's fair that I have to live with all this agony? Why should you get to laugh, while I am forced to cry? Why do you get to taste the best that life has to offer, while all I do is choke on its leftovers? Answer me this! WHY DO ALL OF YOU GET THE PIZZA, WHILE I GET THE CRUST?!
:'''Mimi''': Aah, I can't take all these metaphors!
:'''Izzy''': Boy, this guy really holds a grudge.
:'''Apocalymon''': I will rule the world and plunge it into darkness, so that I don't have to be alone anymore in my misery! ''[laughs madly]'' Wait a minute, what am I laughing at? I'm supposed to be depressed!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've sacrificed too much to give up now!
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:'''Tai''': You're looking at the new and improved DigiDestined!
===''The Fate of Two Worlds'' [1.54]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[To Tentomon]'' I love you.
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:'''Tai''': ''[last lines in the series]'' Our adventure in the Digital World might be over for now, but that gate won't stay closed forever. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time we see our pals, the Digimon! You wait and see. One day, that portal will open up again and we'll return to the Digital World! I wonder if Agumon will remember me? I know I'll never forget him, or the rest of the Digimon! None of us will!
==''Digimon Adventure 02''==
===''Enter Flamedramon'' [2.01]===
===''The Digiteam Complete'' [2.02]===
:'''Yolei''': This helmet makes my glasses look smaller!
===''A New Digitude'' [2.03]===
:'''Davis''': Hey, it's getting pretty dark in these woods. Here, Kari, I'll hold your hand so you won't get scared.
:'''Kari''': I'm not scared.
:'''T.K.''': And it's not her hand... it's mine.
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:'''Patamon''': I thought that cats were always supposed to land on their feet!
:'''Gatomon''': Oh, shut up.
===''Iron Vegiemon'' [2.04]===
:'''Davis''': Let's go, T.A.!
:'''T.K.''': T.A.?
:'''Kari''': He forgot how to spell T.K.!
===''Old Reliable'' [2.05]===
===''Family Picnic'' [2.06]===
===''Guardian Angel'' [2.07]===
===''Ken's Secret'' [2.08]===
:'''Yolei''': ''[about Ken]'' I didn't say I wanted to kiss him, duh, I just wanna marry him!
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:'''Tai''': ''[to Davis]'' You can do it, and even if you can't, we won't think any less of you, man!
===''The Emperor's New Home'' [2.09]===
:'''Kari''': His smile makes him look so gentle.
:'''T.K.''': Yeah, but his hair makes him look a bit like you, Kari.
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:'''Yolei''': Let's go get that evil, cute guy!
===''The Captive Digimon'' [2.10]===
:'''Davis''': Sorry I'm late. I was supposed to get a haircut but when I looked in the mirror, I realized my hair was already perfect.
:'''Yolei''': The only thing is he was staring in the mirror for over an hour.
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:'''Tentomon''': And don't touch my tree! I know exactly how many pieces of bark are on it.
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:'''Ken''': What could you digivolve into? A giant butterfly with scary looking wings?
===''Storm of Friendship'' [2.11]===
:'''Kari''': ''[on the Digiegg]'' It looks like a flip-flop with a bent nail in it.
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:'''Matt''': Ugh, I'm sick of your babbling! You're the only one who hasn't tried yet, so just get in there!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': See that guys? I got a noogie! It means I'm one of the guys now!
:'''Demiveemon''': Davis? If you're one of the guys now, does that means you were one of the girls before? Why can't you humans ever make up your minds? I'm so confused...
===''The Good, the Bad, and the Digi'' [2.12]===
:'''Deputymon''': I just love cards. Credits cards, greeting cards, you name it!
:'''Yolei''': What a show off! After a couple of hands, let's try to sneak away!
:'''Sora''': Maybe we can get him to fall asleep by talking him into playing Canasta!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': So what have you got, Cody?
:'''Cody''': I've got two pair. A pair of aces, and another pair of Aces. Is that good?
:'''Sora''': That beats us all!
===''His Master's Voice'' [2.13]===
:'''Gatomon''': ''[Before jumping off cliff to get to Kari]'' Eh, what the heck. I've got nine lives.
===''The Samurai of Sincerity'' [2.14]===
===''Big Trouble in Little Edo'' [2.15]===
:''[After Davis makes an unamusing joke about cutting ShogunGekomon's hair]''
:'''Kari''': Davis, sometimes you're so insensitive.
:'''Davis''': ''[jumps around flailing his arms]'' I'm so sensitive that I use a special toothpaste so my teeth don't hurt when I eat ice cream! Aah!
:''[Kari giggles and laughs]''
===''20,000 Digi-Leagues Under the Sea'' [2.16]===
===''Ghost of a Chance'' [2.17]===
:'''Matt''': First I'll take a little stroll over to our old refrigerator and take a peek at what's not expired...
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:'''Matt''': ''[The recipe for something really hot he's cooked up for him and T.K.]'' It's a secret but I'll tell you... A little bit of hot sauce, a little wasabi and a mystery meat I found in the freezer covered in green fuzz!
===''Run Yolei Run'' [2.18]===
===''An Old Enemy Returns'' [2.19]===
:'''Ken''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, it's not that funny!
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:'''Ken''': You will bow down before me.
:'''T.K.''': Sorry, the floor's kind of dirty.
:'''Ken''': You will listen to me! ''[whips him]''
:'''T.K.''': When you can't think of anything to say, do you always resort to fighting?
:'''Ken''': I guess...
:'''T.K.''': That's your problem. You don't know when to talk and when to fight. Now's a good time to talk. On the other hand... it's also a good time to fight! ''[punches Ken]''
===''The Darkness Before Dawn'' [2.20]===
:'''Davis''': I just can't forget what happened. We had to sit around and watch as this mix-n-match monster destroyed everything, and it didn't matter who got in his way. I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't stand by and let that happen again! And if none of you wanna go with me, then I'm going in alone because I refuse to give up until this thing is completely destroyed once and for all!
===''The Crest of Kindness'' [2.21]===
:'''Ken''': ''[realizing his cruelties to Digimon were real]'' I'm a monster! I can't believe what I've done!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': Wormmon, I'm sorry. Don't go... You're my best friend.
:'''Wormmon''': ''[last words]'' You're my best friend too. Goodbye Ken.
===''Davis Cries Wolfmon'' [2.22]===
:'''Davis''': Alright, if you're gonna destroy me, then will you please proceed to wash your hands first? I like to keep things clean.
:'''Veemon''': Good thing he hasn't seen your room...
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:'''Veemon''': Davis, please tell me this is just another trick!
:'''Davis''': Do you think I'm smart enough to think up something like this?!
:'''Veemon''': Good point!
===''Genesis of Evil'' [2.23]===
:'''Ken''': ''[after his brother dies]'' Sam, I didn't mean it. I was just mad when I said I wanted you to disappear.
===''If I had a Tail Hammer'' [2.24]===
===''Spirit Needle'' [2.25]===
===''United We Stand'' [2.26]===
:'''Ken''': Hero time, Wormmon!
===''Fusion Confusion'' [2.27]===
:'''T.K.''': There's no way they'll get through all this rubble.
:'''Yolei''': Uh, I suppose Ken and Davis just didn't hear you, T.K.
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:'''Izzy''': The warp is returning to normal. Oh, but my stiff neck isn't. I got to learn not to get so excited.
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:'''Davis''': Sometimes I wish he weren't so smart so he didn't have so much to tell us.
:'''DigiDestined''': Davis!
:'''Davis''': I'm sorry, but it hurts my brain to hold all that information!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': I don't understand what's wrong with Ken. I'd want to be friends with me.
:'''Chibomon''': Don't worry, I'm sure he'll see how great it is to be friends with you and how great it is to DNA digivolve with me! That was fun!
:'''Davis''': That was some fight. But what if Ken never comes back again?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': I was afraid you'd disappear forever, Leafmon, when you DNA digivolved with Chibomon...
:'''Leafmon''': But I liked it.
:'''Ken''': Huh?
:'''Leafmon''': It made me feel like we were needed again, part of something big.
:'''Ken''': I don't know, maybe they could be my friends.
:'''Leafmon''': Urgh, Ken, you're sleeping on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Um, Izzy? What happened to that friend of yours, Tento?
:'''T.K.''': It's Tento''mon''.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Tentomon, then.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, well, see, he, uh... ''[laughs nervously]''
===''The Insect Master's Trap'' [2.28]===
===''Arukenimon's Tangled Web'' [2.29]===
:'''Ken''': ''[grabs Cody by the leg mid-fall]'' I've got you Cody!
:'''Cody''': A-a-are you sure!? You're not just pulling my leg, are you!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': Play that funky music now, girl!
:'''Kari''': Name that tune!
===''Ultimate Anti-Hero'' [2.30]===
===''Opposites Attract'' [2.31]===
===''If I Only had a Heart'' [2.32]===
===''A Chance Encounter'' [2.33]===
===''Destiny in Doubt'' [2.34]===
:'''Yolei''': Oh, hi Izzy, great timing. Just hold on... ''(She jumps out of the picture and reappears holding a dishcloth.)'' I got you a decorative dishcloth. Cute, huh?
:'''Izzy''': Yeah, thanks Yolei, and I have a gift for you guys, too.
:'''Yolei''': You hate the towel, right?
:'''Izzy''': I've written an algorithm for the D3 and D-Terminal. Once I transfer it in, you'll be able to use the D-Terminal to see the rift in the plane. ''(He punches some buttons on his laptop.)'' There we go.
:'''T.K.''': Wow, Izzy, this is great! We can use this to track down BlackWarGreymon!
:'''Izzy''': Well it's the least I could do, after Yolei got me that neat towel!
:'''Yolei''': So you do like the towel! Yay!
===''Cody Takes a Stand'' [2.35]===
===''Stone Soup'' [2.36]===
===''Kyoto Dragon'' [2.37]===
:'''BlackWarGreymon''': I'm going to a place where all things get lost.
:'''Davis''': You should try my sock drawer.
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:'''Arukenimon''': Oh, don't go anywhere. I'll be back to destroy you in a minute.
:'''Mummymon''': Ditto that.
:'''Davis''': Destiny Stones can break my bones, but you guys are real losers!
===''A Very Digi-Christmas'' [2.38]===
:'''Ken''': ''[thinking sarcastically]'' Thanks a lot Davis. Great, no pressure.
:'''Davis''': Come on guys! Gather round! ''[they do]''
:'''Ken''': Ahem. I request the honor of your presence at a holiday celebration. That is...
:'''T.K.''': Say no more. You're having a Christmas party. We're in!
:'''Veemon''': Hey Ken, can we come?
:'''Ken''': Of course! Maybe you'll even catch Gatomon under the mistletoe! ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Cody still hates me. Well, here it goes.
:'''Cody''': ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Ken still hates me. Well, here he comes.
:'''Ken''': Here you go, Cody. You're invited, too.
:'''Cody''': Really? I'm glad I made your list!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': I hate Go Fish. Can't we play something else?
:'''Davis''': Sure, let's play strip-
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': Come on, Davis! Can't we move any faster?
:'''Davis''': Don't be a backseat driver, Ken!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': This Christmas party was a bad idea... I should forget the whole thing. But what am I going to do with all that eggnog?
===''Dramon Power'' [2.39]===
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 1'' [2.40]===
:'''Cody''': Why do they call this place "Down Under"?
:'''Joe''': I don't know. I don't speak Australian.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Uh, don't tell me we're moving again. I don't want to change jobs again and I'm sure Mimi doesn't want to change schools, do you Mimi? Huh? What's this? "Dear Mom and Dad. Running away from monsters with you is tons of fun, but I forgot to do something very important. I'll catch up with you later. Love Mimi"? Mimi!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Where are all the monsters? What happened? Come on, kid, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Davis''': Uh, well, there's a simple explanation. Uh, anybody got one?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Well, son, I'm waiting.
:'''Davis''': Uh. ''(thinking)'' ''Come on, Davis, think of something. You're not as dumb like everyone says. Think!'' ''(aloud)'' What monsters?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Huh?
:'''Davis''': I don't see any monsters around here. ''(laughs)'' ''(thinking)'' ''Nice going. When in doubt, deny, deny, deny. Who says I'm so dumb?''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': Izzy, explain to them about being DigiDestined.
:'''Izzy''': Well, you're a part of a fraternal society...
:'''MegaKabuterimon''': Izzy, how many times do I have to tell you: when explaining things, keep it simple.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, yeah. Uh, let me start over. You're digivice carrying titans destined to save the Digital World. Simple?
:'''Kari''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Izzy''': Still don't get it? Well, I could explain it better if I had visual aids to work with, but I left my charts and graphs at home. How am I supposed to function under these primitive conditions!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Poi Brother 3''': Watch your spelling, Octomon. There's going to be a quiz later.
:'''Chinese general''': Huh? We come in peace? Sergeant, I think we've landed in the middle of a B movie. Only one thing to do. This isn't going to look good on my resume.
:'''Chinese soldier''': No, sir.
:'''Chinese general''': Let's keep this maneuver our little secret.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chinese soldier''': Are you sure it's a good idea to let them cross, general?
:'''Chinese general''': Yes. We're all part of the same army when it comes to saving the world.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 2'' [2.41]===
:'''Joe''': Cody and I will do the heave, you guys do the ho. And heave!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Go!
:'''Joe''': I didn't say go, I said ho!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Joe?
:'''Joe''': No! Ho! Ho! Ho!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Hey, Grandpa, why didn't you bring Grandma along?
:'''Michel''': She was finishing some plumbing work in the kitchen. Anyway, whenever we go for a ride on this thing, she always insists on driving.
:'''T.K.''': I understand.
:'''Michel''': Besides, I have a strange feeling things are going to get a little rough tonight. This calls for someone tough and dominating!
:'''Tai''': Sounds to me like she's right for the job.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 3'' [2.42]===
:'''Ken''': He... called me a punk.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Is that a ring in your nose or is that an allergic reaction?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': He may be a goofy little glow-worm, but that light was a great idea.
:'''Wormmon''': Geniuses are always misunderstood.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': I feel so helpless...but the only Russian I know...
:'''Yolei''': Wait, you know some Russian words?
:'''Sora''': Yeah, pirozhki and borscht.
:'''Yolei''': Terrific. So you're in charge of ordering for us in a restaurant.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ilya''': It was nice meeting you. You two are very resourceful. Lesser girls than you would've crumbled like a stale pirozhki!
:'''Sora''': Goodbye, Ilya! Keep busy!
:'''Davis''': All right then, let's go grab Kari and Izzy in Hong Kong and then head home, I need a serious nap!
:'''Yolei''': Wait, we can't go home!
:'''Ken''': It's almost Christmas morning. If we're not home in time to open our presents, our parents are going to get suspicious.
:'''Yolei''': No! I wanted pirozhki and borscht!
:'''Davis''': What's wrong with an old-fashioned riceball?
:'''Sora''': But Yuri was taking us out to dinner!
:'''Matt''': Yuri?
:''(Yolei, Sora, Biyomon, and Hawkmon all burst into tears.)''
:'''Davis''': This is embarassing. Come on, everybody, let's get out of here before their eyelids freeze together!
===''Invasion of the Daemon Corps'' [2.43]===
===''Dark Sun, Dark Spore'' [2.44]===
===''The Dark Gate'' [2.45]===
===''Duel of the WarGreymon'' [2.46]===
===''BlackWarGreymon's Destiny'' [2.47]===
:'''Agumon''': Thank you, BlackWarGreymon. You're a true friend and I'll never forget you.
===''Oikawa's Shame'' [2.48]===
:'''Tai''': Be very quiet, Agumon. We can't let her know we're here.
:'''Agumon''': I am being very quiet.
:'''Tai''': Well, you're not being very invisible. Get back here.
:'''Agumon''': Hmph! Being a spy would be easier if we didn't have to do so much spying.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Hi, Izzy, honey, it's mom! I'm down in Highton View Terrace.
:'''Izzy''': Aaahh! ''[sees his mother calling from a phone booth near the DigiDestined's stakeout location]'' Mom, what are you doing here?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Well, I was just thinking of how all the other parents doing their part helping out you kids, you know with lending their own expertise. So I sat right down and asked myself what's my expertise? And the answer is: snacks. So I made you some PB and J with the crusts cut off.
:'''Izzy''': PB and J? Mom...
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': I know how you hate the crusts.
:'''Izzy''': Ohhh... okay, hold on, I'll be down in a minute.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Okay, bye!
:'''Izzy''': ''[hangs up, turns to his friends, embarrassed]'' My mom. I'll be right back, guys.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': He's changing!
:'''T.K.''': But into Myotismon or VenomMyotismon?
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Actually... you can call me MaloMyotismon!
===''The Last Temptation of the DigiDestined'' [2.49]===
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Impossible! There's not a single child in the world that doesn't have something they're worried about!
:'''Davis''': Well, you just met one! Congratulations, big and ugly! I guess you should go back to your magic act! Now if we're through chit chatting, I'd like to get back to the part where we put you away! I'm sick of monsters like you always trying to take over the world. It's over. We're not going to let you hurt any more people!
===''A Million Points of Light'' [2.50]===
:'''Tai''': It's so dark, and it'll be like this forever if we can't stop MaloMyotismon! No! I can't give up hope! There are too many people depending on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''MaloMyotismon''': The dying of the light, and no one to rage against it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey, I've got an idea! Digi-port open! Please?
:'''Matt''': Guess our parents were wrong; that isn't the magic word.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Palmon''': We have to fight him, Mimi, but I need your help!
:'''Mimi''': I'm right here for you, Palmon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Wow, wait a minute, look at this!
:'''All''': Huh?
:'''Joe''': More bad news?
:'''Izzy''': Gates are opening all over the world! Look you guys, it's lighting up like a modem rotor in full pulse mode!
:'''Matt''': Well, if that looks like a Christmas tree lighting up, I'd have to agree with you.
:'''Sora''': The light from the gates is cutting through MaloMyotismon's blanket of darkness!
:'''Izzy''': It must be coming from digivices all over the planet!
:'''Matt''': Just think, millions of kids are banding together to take a stand against MaloMyotismon right now! It doesn't matter where they live or what language they speak, they all knew that they had to unite against the darkness. Had to fight it no matter how futile it may have seemed.
:'''Tai''': I knew that MaloMyotismon couldn't win that easily! The whole world is fighting him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[last lines of the series]'' So, you can see we're still having adventures. They're just a little different from the ones we used to have when we were kids. The darkness has not been conquered, and it will continue to fight against the light forever, but as long as people remember to follow their dreams, evil will be kept at bay. And on days like today, it's hard to see any darkness anywhere. Now it's up to our children, and to children everywhere, to follow their dreams. Who knows where they'll end up, but the only way to find out is to take that first step into adventure.
==''Digimon Adventure tri.''==
===''Reunion'' [3.01]===
===''Determination'' [3.02]===
===''Confession'' [3.03]===
===''Loss'' [3.04]===
===''Coexistence'' [3.05]===
===''Future'' [3.06]===
==Films==
===''Digimon: The Movie''===
:'''Kari''': Being a Digidestined means that sometimes you have to save the world, even if you're the one who caused the problem.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai Kamiya''': [typing an email] "Dear Sora, I'm sorry about what happened. I haven't felt this bad since the time I accidentally threw up in your hat and didn't tell you about it before you put it on. I know our relationship has been a little stormy lately. You say you love thundershowers, so what's a few raindrops between friends? Love, Tai."
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': But my dad likes his mess where it is...
:'''Izzy''': We'll have more capability if we network our computers together.
:'''Tai''': Hey, Izzy. Why don't we just call up the Digimon on the screen and then hit delete?
:'''Izzy''': Don't you think I've tried that?
:'''Tai''': If this thing is so dangerous, maybe we should call someone important like the principal or Bill Gates, or someone?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': I'm one step ahead of you, Tai.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': I can't come over. You don't understand, the magician's coming over later and I already volunteered to be sawed in half.
:'''Tai''': Whatever. Just tell the half with feet to run home right away!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': You're going to need a password.
:'''Izzy''': You can use mine to get on the Internet. "Prodigious"!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Guys, the closest thing our grandmother has to computer is an egg timer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey Matt, who are all these weird people?
:'''Matt''': They're not weird, they're my best friends! ''[Quietly]'' Considering this is the only computer in town...
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Digimon]]
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'''''{{w|Digimon Adventure}}''''' is a 1999 Japanese anime television series created by Akiyoshi Hongo, and produced by Toei Animation in cooperation with WiZ, Bandai and Fuji Television. It is the first anime series in the [[Digimon]] franchise, based on the virtual pet series. The story centers on children called the DigiDestined who are transported into the Digital World by Digivices and partner with Digimon to save the world.
It was followed by a sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure 02}}''''' in 2000. It was later followed by a second sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure tri.}}''''' in 2015.
==''Digimon Adventure''==
===''And So It Begins...'' [1.01]===
:'''Tai''': ''[first lines of the series]'' That's home. Planet Earth. But I'm not sure that's where I am right now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, by the way, my name's Tai. This is Sora. She's okay, for a girl. And Matt. Matt's too cool. Just look at that haircut! And this little kid is Izzy. He should have gone to computer camp. That's Mimi. I bet you can guess her favorite color on the first try. T.K. is Matt's dopey little brother. Oh, and this is Joe. But don't ever scare him. He'd probably wet his pants.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I'm gonna build the biggest snowman!
:'''Matt''': Hey T.K.! Be careful. Slow down!
:'''Sora''': Brr! It is freezing. And I didn't bring a jacket.
:'''Joe''': Man! I was worried I'd catch a summer cold. But this is even worse!
:'''Mimi''': Wow! Why didn't I pack my fluffy pink snow boots?
:'''Izzy''': Still not working. Bummer. This storm's making a mess of my infrared internet connection.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': That is the last time I eat camp food!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[at a cliff]'' Great! Anybody bring a helicopter?
===''The Birth of Greymon'' [1.02]===
:'''Tai''': When we get back, this is gonna make one great story... But of course, not a single soul will ever believe me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phone Operator''': Tomorrow's forecast calls for clear skies with occasional ice cream.
:'''Mimi''': What do you wear for that?
:'''Phone Operator''' This number only exists in your imagination. Please hang up, and don't call back.
:'''Matt''': What planet did I dial?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[sarcastically to Joe]'' I'm glad we never hear you complaining.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Whoa! He did it again! Now he's Greymon!
===''Garurumon'' [1.03]===
:'''T.K.''': Big Bro...you're the best!
===''Biyomon Gets Firepower'' [1.04]===
:'''Matt''': Moving right along, folks... keep it moving... Our next stop on the tour will be the forest of irrelevant road signs. No pictures, please.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': We're going to be okay, just keep moving along.
:'''Palmon''': My head is baking. If this goes on too much longer, I'm going to look like a wilted salad!
:'''Mimi''': ''[places her pink cowboy hat on Palmon's head]'' Here, you wear my hat for a while. You need it more than I do.
:'''Palmon''': Thank you Mimi.
:'''T.K.''': PU! What's that yucky smell?
:'''Matt''': Here's a thought. Now you know why they call them sweat socks!
:'''Mimi''': This beach would be a lot more popular if it had a lot more things, like an ocean, a gentle breeze, a snack bar, a hunky lifeguard, you know?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the village]'' Maybe they'll have hats for sale, half-off.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': Oh my! I would just love to take on home and put it on my bed with all my other stuffed animals!
:'''Matt''': There she goes again. Do you think Mimi hears the same things we hear? I'm not so sure anymore.
:'''Izzy''': Maybe she's an alien spy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Smells better than broccoli. Who knows, it might taste better.
:'''Matt''': Has anybody noticed? We talk a lot about food.
:'''Sora''': Nah, I'm not hungry.
:'''Joe''': I'm skipping this one too. I just don't like to eat on an empty stomach. Besides, I don't even know what that stuff is, but I'm sure I'm allergic to it.
===''Kabuterimon's Electro Shocker'' [1.05]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[recurring line]'' Prodigious!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': ''[to Tai]'' Too bad your brain isn't as big as your hair.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': Now that you boys have holes in your heads, maybe your brains will get more oxygen.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Or, we could stand here frozen until the monster gets us!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Boy, that's productive. This thing puts the pieces together, and then it takes them apart.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, yeah? Just try it, you tin can!
:'''Joe''': Would you please stop taunting the deranged android?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Even more incredible, in Digiworld basic data and simple living information are a living viable substance. It's alive!
===''Togemon in Toy Town'' [1.06]===
:'''Agumon''': Now let's try some solo performances, starting with Mimi.
:'''Tai''': Mimi?
:'''Sora''': Mimi?
:'''Matt''': Singing?
:'''Mimi''': ''[Singing badly]'' Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam...
:'''Joe''': Avoiding your drone.
:'''Mimi''': Oh come on I had singing lessons for three years.
:'''T.K''': Oh you did? Did it help?
:'''Izzy''': Mimi, you should get a refund. That's what I think.
===''Ikkakumon's Harpoon Torpedo'' [1.07]===
:'''Sora''': Cheer up. Tell me how you like your eggs and I'll do the best I can.
:'''Joe''': I prefer my eggs to be covered in salt and pepper, but I guess it doesn't really matter.
:'''Tai''': I like soy sauce.
:'''Matt''': How about salsa?
:'''Sora''': How about a reality check?
:'''Izzy''': I'll have mine with mustard and jellybeans, please.
:'''Matt''': How gross!
:'''T.K.''': Jellybeans. That sounds good.
:'''Mimi''': What? You're all weird! My favorite is eggs covered in maple syrup! Sometimes I like to eat them with cherries on top!
:'''Tai''': Now that's weird!
:'''T.K.''': But I bet it's good.
:'''Joe''': You guys are completely making me lose my appetite! I mean, come on. Jellybeans and cherries on eggs? That's just crazy talk! Salt and pepper is all they need. Keep it simple. That's always been my motto.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[to Tai]'' Put your fists down when you talk to me and stop acting like you can bully your way into being the leader!
===''Evil Shows His Face'' [1.08]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Tai's map]'' No question, man, you are the dude of doodles!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Potato chips, chocolate chips, fish and chips, I'll have any kind of chips!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': Whenever my skin gets dirty, I just shed it.
:'''Izzy''': That would be difficult for me.
===''Subzero Ice Punch!'' [1.09]===
:'''Tai''': Sure, let's go for a hike. Then after that we'll hike. And then we can hike some more.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': I thought we'd never find you guys! It is sure lucky we met up with Frigimon.
:'''Matt''': Frosty the snowmon here?
:'''Tai''': Yep. This is him. He happened to see you two fall on this island, and then he got us here in no time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Who are you calling a jerk, jerk?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Matt, Tai, quit it!
===''A Clue from the Digi-Past'' [1.10]===
===''The Dancing Digimon'' [1.11]===
:''[Joe catches Gomamon eating]''
:'''Joe''': Did I just hear you eating again?
:'''Gomamon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Joe''': Didn't I tell you not to eat all the food, since we don't know when we'll find land?! I told you that we need to ration, which means save food for later, as in much later.
:'''Gomamon''': But it ''is'' later Joe. You told me that 20 minutes ago.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner]'' 20 minutes is not much later! Please tell me there is still some food in the bag!
:'''Gomamon''': Well, no. Since you can't handle eating and floating on the ocean at the same time, I ate it all. Besides, I need food to Digivolve in case we run into bad Digimon.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner again]'' So, have we seen any bad Digimon?! NO! If I starve, who are you gonna protect?! ''[he retches and heaves over the side of the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That's enough about food. Things'll get better soon. Hang in there buddy.
:''[both see a crate coming near the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That crate is gonna hit us!
:'''Joe''': Maybe it's full of fruit, vegetables, bread, milk, cereal, hot dogs, cookies, candy, and soda?
:'''Gomamon''': I wish!
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner yet again]'' You wish?! We wouldn't need more food if you hadn't eaten ours!
:'''Gomamon''': You're strong when you're hungry!
:'''Joe''': Starvation is a good motivator. Looks like we'll need a jackhammer to open this.
===''DigiBaby Boom'' [1.12]===
:'''T.K.''': My parents are still mad at me, for the time I painted our kitty cat.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I don't want to fight ever!
===''The Legend of the Digi-destined'' [1.13]===
:'''T.K.''': Hey! Let's play a game with the baby Digimon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': Okay, so you don’t wanna play any games.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[seeing Angemon for the first time]'' I wanna take him home with me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Angemon''': T.K., I'll come back again, if you want me to.
===''Departure for a New Continent'' [1.14]===
:'''Tai''': I have a foolproof plan: first we'll eat something, then after that... I'm open to suggestions!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': When we had to survive on our own, we grew up very fast... except for Joe, he just threw up very fast...
===''The Dark Network of Etemon'' [1.15]===
:'''Tai''': Never trust anything without feet!
===''The Arrival of Skullgreymon'' [1.16]===
===''The Crest of Sincerity'' [1.17]===
===''The Piximon Cometh'' [1.18]===
===''The Prisoner of the Pyramid'' [1.19]===
:'''Matt''': Computer guys can never just tell you something. They have to spend all day explaining it to you...
===''The Earthquake of MetalGreymon'' [1.20]===
:'''Tai''': Be ready when I give the signal.
:'''Izzy''': Roger.
:'''Mimi''': He forgot his name!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': A man must face himself before he can face his enemies.
===''Home Away from Home'' [1.21]===
===''Forget About It!'' [1.22]===
:'''Matt''': ''[To T.K. and Tokomon]'' Remember it's an amusement park, so like... amuse yourselves.
===''WereGarurumon's Diner'' [1.23]===
:'''Joe''': Tai, I'm so glad to see you, but don't break anything.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Then our friends must be nearby. It did the same thing we found T.K.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[angrily]'' How dare you say that, Matt! We're all friends here!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': You gotta believe me, Matt.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've been here long enough to pay for a trip to Hawaii!
:'''Digitamamon''': ''[Growing furiously]'' Hawaii is not on the schedule, but if you insist I'll send you to the moon! ''[Attacks]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[when Vegiemon attacks T.K.]'' That's going too far! I've had it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': After I accused him and yelled at him, he still risked himself for T.K. Joe. No!
===''No Questions, Please'' [1.24]===
===''Princess Karaoke'' [1.25]===
:'''Mimi''': So you thought you could pull a fast one on Princess Mimi did you?
:'''Tai''': That's Princess Meanie!
===''Sora's Crest of Love'' [1.26]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Sora]'' If she wants to cry, let her.
===''The Gateway to Home'' [1.27]===
:'''Tai''': Did you find anything down there, Izzy?
:'''Tentomon''': You could say that, Tai, but the thing is we're up here and you're down there.
:'''Agumon''': I think you guys may need glasses. We're way up here above you.
:'''Izzy''': But that can't be! That's scientifically impossible!
===''It's All in the Cards'' [1.28]===
:''[When they first meet Gennai]''
:'''Mimi''': HOW COME YOU CALLED US THE DIGIDESTINED?!
:'''Gennai''': I'm old, not deaf!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[looking at a picture of Gomamon]'' Alright, look at Gomamon!
:'''Gomamon''': I'm cuter in person.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gennai''': You must never forget that you are the Digidestined.
:'''Joe''': I'll never forget this stomachache.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Koromon''': How did you know my card was the fake, Tai?
:'''Tai''': I didn't. I kept your card because you're my friend.
:'''Koromon''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, how nice.
===''Return to Highton View Terrace'' [1.29]===
:'''Sora''': There are millions of kids like us in the world.
:'''Biyomon''': You mean there are millions of Soras?
:'''Sora''': ''[yelling]'' There's only one of me!
===''Almost Home Free'' [1.30]===
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the money the group had]'' Whoops, we went and spent it all.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[after their lame attempts at hitchhiking]'' Not so easy is it, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Well, at least my cat's not stuck in a tree!
===''The Eighth Digivice'' [1.31]===
===''Gatomon Comes Calling'' [1.32]===
:'''Tai''': ''[looking at Agumon in his poor disguise]'' Yeah. That's real inconspicuous.
===''Out on the Town'' [1.33]===
:'''Gotsumon''': ''[Pumpkinmon runs right into a teenager who falls down on the ground]'' Wow, you hit down some kind of monster!
:'''Pumpkinmon''': Even worse, I think I hit down a teenager!
===''The Eighth Child Revealed'' [1.34]===
:'''Myotismon''': ''[To Wizardmon]'' Did you really think you could betray me and get away with it?
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[Protecting Gatomon]'' How could I betray you? I was never on your side to start with!
===''Flower Power'' [1.35]===
===''City Under Siege'' [1.36]===
:'''Gomamon''': ''[popping out of Joe's gym bag]'' Ta-da! Fresh air.
===''Wizardmon's Gift'' [1.37]===
:'''Tai''': You've picked on the wrong guy's little sister, Mr. Fang-Face!
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:'''Kari''': ''[after Wizardmon sacrifices himself to save her and Gatomon]'' Wizardmon, you're gonna be all right. Please don't leave! Wizardmon!
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[weakly]'' Are you all right, Gatomon?
:'''Gatomon''': ''[in tears]'' You saved me. I'm sorry.
:'''Wizardmon''': About what?
:'''Gatomon''': I'm sorry that I got you involved in this.
:'''Wizardmon''': Don't be sorry. I don't have any regrets. If I wouldn't met you, my life would have no meaning. I'm glad you and I were friends.
:'''Gatomon''': That's forever.
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[last words]'' Thank you for everything, Gatomon.
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:'''Angewomon''': Myotismon. You've tried to destroy the Digidestined and attempted to conquer Earth. In doing so, you have ruined the lives of Digimon and humans alike. How can you justify yourself?
:'''Myotismon''': I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you! It is my destiny to plunge this world into darkness and become king of the Digital World! And no angel or Digimon has the power to stop me!
:'''Angemon''': Myotismon, don't you have any regrets for the things you have done?
:'''Myotismon''': Hmph. Nightmare-
:'''Angewomon''': Heaven's Charm!
:'''Myotismon''': Ugh!
:'''MetalGreymon''': My power! It's...it's growing!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Now!
:'''Garudamon''': Everyone, give your power to Angewomon!
:'''MetalKabuterimon''': Horn Buster!
:'''Lillymon''': Flower Cannon!
:'''Zudomon''': Vulcan's Hammer!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Wolf Claw!
:'''Garudamon''': Wing Blade!
:'''MetalGreymon''': Giga Blaster!
:'''Angemon''': Hand of Fate!
:'''Angewomon''': Celestial Arrow!
:'''Myotismon''': Don't! Uuu... ARGH!
===''Prophecy'' [1.38]===
:'''Gennai''': The sky will be darkened by the wings of many bats. The fallen people will invoke the name of the undead Digimon king and when the clock strikes the hour of the beast, the undead king will reveal himself in his true form as the beast. Then angels will shoot arrows of hope and light at the loved ones of those they've been sent to protect, and a miracle will happen. Please always recycle.
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:'''Tentomon''': It's quite simple really. Let me explain. Say I'm kind of a guardian angel. Whose guardian angel am I? Yours. And who do you love more than anyone in the world?
:'''Izzy''': Hey, I was getting to that! My mom and dad, of course.
:'''Tentomon''': Exactly, but T.K. and Kari not only have moms and dads, they have something else too.
:'''Izzy's Father''': They have ''brothers''.
:'''Tentomon''': In a word, bingo!
:'''Izzy''': Why would you want them shooting arrows at your loved ones? Sounds kind of dangerous to me.
:'''Izzy's Mother''': They're angels, Izzy. Maybe they're like Cupid, he was sort of like an angel. When he shot arrows, they were arrows of love.
:'''Izzy''': Mom, isn't that a little corny?
:'''Tentomon''': It may be corny, but I believe it. All we have to do is get Angemon and Angewomon to hit you guys with their arrows of ''love''.
:'''Izzy''': Hey! Let's not be too hasty here!
:'''Matt''': Well, what do you think?
:'''Tai''': It's worth a shot. Kari!
:'''Matt''': T.K.!
:'''T.K.''': You sure you wanna?
:'''Tai''': Let's see these arrows of hope and light!
:'''Matt''': You two have got to get them to shoot at us.
:'''Tai''': They'll only do it if you tell them to.
:'''Kari''': You really want them to shoot you?
:'''T.K.''': What if you get, like, dead or something?
:'''Matt''': Never happen.
:'''Kari''': Okay. Angewomon!
:'''T.K.''': Angemon, listen up! I know this maybe sounds crazy but shoot Matt and Tai with your arrows.
:'''Kari''': You too, Angewomon.
:'''Angemon''': He's right.
:'''Angewomon''': Sounds crazy, but...
:'''Gabumon''': Wait! You sure about this?
:'''Agumon''': What if that prophecy's all wrong?
:'''Tai''': You guys want a miracle to happen or not?
:'''Matt''': Yeah, miracles require a little faith. Scared, Tai?
:'''Tai''': No, no at all. How 'bout you, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Course not! Piece of cake! ''[Matt takes Tai's hand]'' But maybe I'll just hang onto you to make sure you don't chicken out or anything.
:'''Tai''': Yeah. right. I'll do the same for you, buddy. ''[Their crests start to glow]''
:'''Angemon''': One miracle...!
:'''Angewomon''': ...comin' up!
===''The Battle for Earth'' [1.39]===
===''Enter the Dark Masters'' [1.40]===
===''Sea-Sick and Tired'' [1.41]===
:'''Tai''': Look, the fog's finally clearing.
:'''Joe''': Great, now we can clearly see that we're lost.
:'''Izzy''': It's more productive to think of ourselves as we're on our way, Joe.
:'''Matt''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, I feel better already.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Matt''': Did it get brighter all of the sudden, or is it just Tai's sunny disposition?
<hr width="50%">
:'''MetalSeadramon''': Ha! Farewell, DigiDestined, it was a rare pleasure knowing you... ''medium rare''!
===''Under Pressure'' [1.42]===
:'''Metalseadramon''': This my moment to shine! Does my hair look alright?
===''Playing Games'' [1.43]===
:'''Matt''': Enough. Why don't you stop and think about other people's feelings for a change?
:'''Tai''': Huh? What are you talking about?
:'''Matt''': We all know you're right, Tai, but just give us a little space.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''Matt''': We miss our friends who fought alongside of us. Not everyone has ice running through their veins like you do.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''T.K.''': Calm down.
:'''Matt''': You're so busy looking forward, that you never take time to look back. We've lost some good friends here, Tai and it's nice to remember them once in awhile.
:'''Tai''': If we always stop to do that, we'll never have enough time to save the world.
:'''Matt''': You still don't get it. I know you hear me, but you're not listening.
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:'''T.K.''': How boring. I'm not having any fun at all!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[aghast]'' What? I'm the life of the party...I put the "fun" in fungus.
:'''T.K.''': ''[scoffs]'' HA! You just play the same game over and over again... boring!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[distraught]'' I'm not boring!
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:'''Joe''': This is the first time I've been car sick without a car!
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:''[Joe is doubled up on the floor in pain and clutching his stomach]''
:'''Kari''': Joe, what is it?
:'''Joe''': My stomach.
:'''Kari''': What's wrong does it hurt?
:'''Joe''': No. I'm just doing this 'cause it's fun.
===''Trash Day'' [1.44]===
:'''Matt''': I finally got it figured out. If I'm ever gonna change, I have to do it on my own. On my own. The others can't help me.
:'''Cherrymon''': Well, well, well. Look what we've got here. Greetings, nature lovers. What's the matter? Never seen a talking tree?
:'''Matt''': Not many.
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:'''Cherrymon''': Behold the face of your rival!
:'''Matt''': So you're saying... I have to fight Tai, is that it? ''[laughs]'' Nice try, foliage face! You had me going there! You'll have to do better than that!
:'''Cherrymon''': I had nothing to do with it. The Lake of Truth reflects only what is in a person's heart, hence the name.
:'''Matt''': You gotta be kidding.
:'''Cherrymon''': Sorry, kid. It's never wrong.
:'''Matt''': That right? Well, I got news for you. It's off this time, way off!
===''The Ultimate Clash'' [1.45]===
:'''Agumon''': Bug up the nose? That's a bad thing?
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:'''T.K.''': Matt, I'm gonna tell Mom that you were fighting!
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:'''Mimi''': I'm gonna sit here and stare at the flowers until everyone starts getting along.
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:'''Gatomon''': What in the DigiWorld is she doing?
:'''Izzy''': ''[on Kari]'' She appears to be conversing with herself.
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:'''Joe''': Ahh! Piedmon is here! Don't come any closer! Shoo! Go away!
:'''Gomamon''': Relax! It's just an image.
:'''Sora''': Yeah, save your screaming for the real thing.
===''Etemon's Comeback Tour'' [1.46]===
===''Ogremon's Honor'' [1.47]===
===''My Sister's Keeper'' [1.48]===
:'''Izzy''': Hey, Tai! This isn't your normal behavior.
:'''Tai''': It's Kari, she almost died once before because of me.
:'''Izzy, Tentomon and Agumon''': Huh!?
:'''Tai''': It happened when she was four or five, just a little kid. She stayed home from kindergarten one day because she was sick. I mean, I knew she was sick, but all I could think about on the way home was playing soccer.
:'''Young Tai''': Hey, I'm home!
:'''Tai''': I wanted to go out and play, but I didn't want to leave her by herself, so I took her outside with me. She seemed okay, really she did.
:'''Young Tai''': Now watch me, just like that. ''[Kari kicks the ball in the wrong direction]'' No, that's not right ''[sees that Kari has collapsed]'' ...Kari? Kari!
:'''Mrs. Kamiya''': ''[after slapping Young Tai in the face]'' What could you have been thinking!? You knew she was sick! ''[begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': She ended up with pneumonia, or something. She almost didn't make it, but what really kills me is what she said when they brought her home from the hospital. The first words out of her mouth...
:'''Young Kari''': Tai, I'm sorry I can't kick the ball very good. You'll probably never want to play with me again. ''[Young Tai begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': That's her, that's Kari. She never thinks about herself. It doesn't matter if she feels bad or if she's bummed out about other stuff, she's always worried about the other kids. She wouldn't be sick, she'd be just fine if she never came to this stupid place, but she came because she knew that we needed her help. She never thought about what she wanted. She never does!
===''The Crest of Light'' [1.49]===
:'''Sora''': I don't care what you're faster than! As long as you're faster than a gigantic, rolling teddy bear!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': My light will guide us toward the others.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': Tentomon digivolve to... Kabu never mind...
:'''Agumon''': Agumon digivolve to... Greymon! Greymon! Greymon, yeah, I'm Greymon! I'm big and I'm bad...
===''Joe's Battle'' [1.50]===
:'''Mimi''': Everyone's being so nice, so sweet!
:'''Palmon''': Must be because of your charming personality!
:'''Ogremon''': Something tells me we should just nod our heads and go along.
:'''Meramon''': Yeah, right.
:'''Gomamon''': Come on, admit it Joe! Say it! She's charming!
:'''Joe''': ''[blushing]'' SHE'S NOT CHARMING! I mean she is! I'm... not going to have this conversation!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': Tai knows what he's doing. He knows where he fits in, and so do you. So do the others. But I don't! Look, I know that we're in for the fight of our lives, and part of me knows that I should stay and help. But I...I want you to count on me. If I'm unreliable, then Gomamon can't fully Digivolve. We're like circus clowns, we just get in the way. Don't look at me like that, you know it's true! I'm gonna figure this out! They don't call me old reliable for nothing!
:'''Gomamon''': But they don't.
:'''Joe''': I'll ignore that.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The fight between Angewomon and LadyDevimon has become a comical catfight. The guys all stare]''
:'''Tai''': Wow... Look at 'em go.
:'''Izzy''': I know I shouldn't be watching, but I can't take my eyes off them.
:'''Kari''': Get her Angewomon! That's right! Knock that witch's block off! Go!
===''The Crest of Friendship'' [1.51]===
:'''Matt''': I've been living a lie.
:'''Gabumon''': You're not a real blonde?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': I've never let anyone ever get close to me before. Not since my family split up. Ever since then, I've been alone. I figured if my family didn't want me, that I would just keep to myself and never tell anyone what I was feeling, and I swore I would never let anyone see me cry. But really all I wanted to do was cry.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[Being held at eye level by Matt]'' Gee, Matt, you look different, have you done something with your hair?
:'''Matt''': ''[deadpan]'' No, I'm just not using as much hair gel that's all.
===''Piedmon's Last Jest'' [1.52]===
:''[about Piedmon]''
:'''Joe''': He made them all disappear.
:'''Tentomon''': Well, at least he didn't saw them in half.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': What kinda sicko turns people into keychains?
:'''Piedmon''': I'm not a sicko. I'm a collector, and these new items have such sentimental value to me.
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:'''Piedmon''': Chew on this! ''[attacks]''
:'''MagnaAngemon''': I'm not hungry.
===''Now Apocalymon'' [1.53]===
:'''Apocalymon''': Do you think it's fair that I have to live with all this agony? Why should you get to laugh, while I am forced to cry? Why do you get to taste the best that life has to offer, while all I do is choke on its leftovers? Answer me this! WHY DO ALL OF YOU GET THE PIZZA, WHILE I GET THE CRUST?!
:'''Mimi''': Aah, I can't take all these metaphors!
:'''Izzy''': Boy, this guy really holds a grudge.
:'''Apocalymon''': I will rule the world and plunge it into darkness, so that I don't have to be alone anymore in my misery! ''[laughs madly]'' Wait a minute, what am I laughing at? I'm supposed to be depressed!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've sacrificed too much to give up now!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': You're looking at the new and improved DigiDestined!
===''The Fate of Two Worlds'' [1.54]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[To Tentomon]'' I love you.
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:'''Tai''': ''[last lines in the series]'' Our adventure in the Digital World might be over for now, but that gate won't stay closed forever. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time we see our pals, the Digimon! You wait and see. One day, that portal will open up again and we'll return to the Digital World! I wonder if Agumon will remember me? I know I'll never forget him, or the rest of the Digimon! None of us will!
==''Digimon Adventure 02''==
===''Enter Flamedramon'' [2.01]===
===''The Digiteam Complete'' [2.02]===
:'''Yolei''': This helmet makes my glasses look smaller!
===''A New Digitude'' [2.03]===
:'''Davis''': Hey, it's getting pretty dark in these woods. Here, Kari, I'll hold your hand so you won't get scared.
:'''Kari''': I'm not scared.
:'''T.K.''': And it's not her hand... it's mine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Patamon''': I thought that cats were always supposed to land on their feet!
:'''Gatomon''': Oh, shut up.
===''Iron Vegiemon'' [2.04]===
:'''Davis''': Let's go, T.A.!
:'''T.K.''': T.A.?
:'''Kari''': He forgot how to spell T.K.!
===''Old Reliable'' [2.05]===
===''Family Picnic'' [2.06]===
===''Guardian Angel'' [2.07]===
===''Ken's Secret'' [2.08]===
:'''Yolei''': ''[about Ken]'' I didn't say I wanted to kiss him, duh, I just wanna marry him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[to Davis]'' You can do it, and even if you can't, we won't think any less of you, man!
===''The Emperor's New Home'' [2.09]===
:'''Kari''': His smile makes him look so gentle.
:'''T.K.''': Yeah, but his hair makes him look a bit like you, Kari.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': Let's go get that evil, cute guy!
===''The Captive Digimon'' [2.10]===
:'''Davis''': Sorry I'm late. I was supposed to get a haircut but when I looked in the mirror, I realized my hair was already perfect.
:'''Yolei''': The only thing is he was staring in the mirror for over an hour.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': And don't touch my tree! I know exactly how many pieces of bark are on it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': What could you digivolve into? A giant butterfly with scary looking wings?
===''Storm of Friendship'' [2.11]===
:'''Kari''': ''[on the Digiegg]'' It looks like a flip-flop with a bent nail in it.
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:'''Matt''': Ugh, I'm sick of your babbling! You're the only one who hasn't tried yet, so just get in there!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': See that guys? I got a noogie! It means I'm one of the guys now!
:'''Demiveemon''': Davis? If you're one of the guys now, does that means you were one of the girls before? Why can't you humans ever make up your minds? I'm so confused...
===''The Good, the Bad, and the Digi'' [2.12]===
:'''Deputymon''': I just love cards. Credits cards, greeting cards, you name it!
:'''Yolei''': What a show off! After a couple of hands, let's try to sneak away!
:'''Sora''': Maybe we can get him to fall asleep by talking him into playing Canasta!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': So what have you got, Cody?
:'''Cody''': I've got two pair. A pair of aces, and another pair of Aces. Is that good?
:'''Sora''': That beats us all!
===''His Master's Voice'' [2.13]===
:'''Gatomon''': ''[Before jumping off cliff to get to Kari]'' Eh, what the heck. I've got nine lives.
===''The Samurai of Sincerity'' [2.14]===
===''Big Trouble in Little Edo'' [2.15]===
:''[After Davis makes an unamusing joke about cutting ShogunGekomon's hair]''
:'''Kari''': Davis, sometimes you're so insensitive.
:'''Davis''': ''[jumps around flailing his arms]'' I'm so sensitive that I use a special toothpaste so my teeth don't hurt when I eat ice cream! Aah!
:''[Kari giggles and laughs]''
===''20,000 Digi-Leagues Under the Sea'' [2.16]===
===''Ghost of a Chance'' [2.17]===
:'''Matt''': First I'll take a little stroll over to our old refrigerator and take a peek at what's not expired...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[The recipe for something really hot he's cooked up for him and T.K.]'' It's a secret but I'll tell you... A little bit of hot sauce, a little wasabi and a mystery meat I found in the freezer covered in green fuzz!
===''Run Yolei Run'' [2.18]===
===''An Old Enemy Returns'' [2.19]===
:'''Ken''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, it's not that funny!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': You will bow down before me.
:'''T.K.''': Sorry, the floor's kind of dirty.
:'''Ken''': You will listen to me! ''[whips him]''
:'''T.K.''': When you can't think of anything to say, do you always resort to fighting?
:'''Ken''': I guess...
:'''T.K.''': That's your problem. You don't know when to talk and when to fight. Now's a good time to talk. On the other hand... it's also a good time to fight! ''[punches Ken]''
===''The Darkness Before Dawn'' [2.20]===
:'''Davis''': I just can't forget what happened. We had to sit around and watch as this mix-n-match monster destroyed everything, and it didn't matter who got in his way. I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't stand by and let that happen again! And if none of you wanna go with me, then I'm going in alone because I refuse to give up until this thing is completely destroyed once and for all!
===''The Crest of Kindness'' [2.21]===
:'''Ken''': ''[realizing his cruelties to Digimon were real]'' I'm a monster! I can't believe what I've done!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': Wormmon, I'm sorry. Don't go... You're my best friend.
:'''Wormmon''': ''[last words]'' You're my best friend too. Goodbye Ken.
===''Davis Cries Wolfmon'' [2.22]===
:'''Davis''': Alright, if you're gonna destroy me, then will you please proceed to wash your hands first? I like to keep things clean.
:'''Veemon''': Good thing he hasn't seen your room...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Veemon''': Davis, please tell me this is just another trick!
:'''Davis''': Do you think I'm smart enough to think up something like this?!
:'''Veemon''': Good point!
===''Genesis of Evil'' [2.23]===
:'''Ken''': ''[after his brother dies]'' Sam, I didn't mean it. I was just mad when I said I wanted you to disappear.
===''If I had a Tail Hammer'' [2.24]===
===''Spirit Needle'' [2.25]===
===''United We Stand'' [2.26]===
:'''Ken''': Hero time, Wormmon!
===''Fusion Confusion'' [2.27]===
:'''T.K.''': There's no way they'll get through all this rubble.
:'''Yolei''': Uh, I suppose Ken and Davis just didn't hear you, T.K.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': The warp is returning to normal. Oh, but my stiff neck isn't. I got to learn not to get so excited.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': Sometimes I wish he weren't so smart so he didn't have so much to tell us.
:'''DigiDestined''': Davis!
:'''Davis''': I'm sorry, but it hurts my brain to hold all that information!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': I don't understand what's wrong with Ken. I'd want to be friends with me.
:'''Chibomon''': Don't worry, I'm sure he'll see how great it is to be friends with you and how great it is to DNA digivolve with me! That was fun!
:'''Davis''': That was some fight. But what if Ken never comes back again?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': I was afraid you'd disappear forever, Leafmon, when you DNA digivolved with Chibomon...
:'''Leafmon''': But I liked it.
:'''Ken''': Huh?
:'''Leafmon''': It made me feel like we were needed again, part of something big.
:'''Ken''': I don't know, maybe they could be my friends.
:'''Leafmon''': Urgh, Ken, you're sleeping on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Um, Izzy? What happened to that friend of yours, Tento?
:'''T.K.''': It's Tento''mon''.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Tentomon, then.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, well, see, he, uh... ''[laughs nervously]''
===''The Insect Master's Trap'' [2.28]===
===''Arukenimon's Tangled Web'' [2.29]===
:'''Ken''': ''[grabs Cody by the leg mid-fall]'' I've got you Cody!
:'''Cody''': A-a-are you sure!? You're not just pulling my leg, are you!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': Play that funky music now, girl!
:'''Kari''': Name that tune!
===''Ultimate Anti-Hero'' [2.30]===
===''Opposites Attract'' [2.31]===
===''If I Only had a Heart'' [2.32]===
===''A Chance Encounter'' [2.33]===
===''Destiny in Doubt'' [2.34]===
:'''Yolei''': Oh, hi Izzy, great timing. Just hold on... ''(She jumps out of the picture and reappears holding a dishcloth.)'' I got you a decorative dishcloth. Cute, huh?
:'''Izzy''': Yeah, thanks Yolei, and I have a gift for you guys, too.
:'''Yolei''': You hate the towel, right?
:'''Izzy''': I've written an algorithm for the D3 and D-Terminal. Once I transfer it in, you'll be able to use the D-Terminal to see the rift in the plane. ''(He punches some buttons on his laptop.)'' There we go.
:'''T.K.''': Wow, Izzy, this is great! We can use this to track down BlackWarGreymon!
:'''Izzy''': Well it's the least I could do, after Yolei got me that neat towel!
:'''Yolei''': So you do like the towel! Yay!
===''Cody Takes a Stand'' [2.35]===
===''Stone Soup'' [2.36]===
===''Kyoto Dragon'' [2.37]===
:'''BlackWarGreymon''': I'm going to a place where all things get lost.
:'''Davis''': You should try my sock drawer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Arukenimon''': Oh, don't go anywhere. I'll be back to destroy you in a minute.
:'''Mummymon''': Ditto that.
:'''Davis''': Destiny Stones can break my bones, but you guys are real losers!
===''A Very Digi-Christmas'' [2.38]===
:'''Ken''': ''[thinking sarcastically]'' Thanks a lot Davis. Great, no pressure.
:'''Davis''': Come on guys! Gather round! ''[they do]''
:'''Ken''': Ahem. I request the honor of your presence at a holiday celebration. That is...
:'''T.K.''': Say no more. You're having a Christmas party. We're in!
:'''Veemon''': Hey Ken, can we come?
:'''Ken''': Of course! Maybe you'll even catch Gatomon under the mistletoe! ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Cody still hates me. Well, here it goes.
:'''Cody''': ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Ken still hates me. Well, here he comes.
:'''Ken''': Here you go, Cody. You're invited, too.
:'''Cody''': Really? I'm glad I made your list!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': I hate Go Fish. Can't we play something else?
:'''Davis''': Sure, let's play strip-
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:'''Ken''': Come on, Davis! Can't we move any faster?
:'''Davis''': Don't be a backseat driver, Ken!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': This Christmas party was a bad idea... I should forget the whole thing. But what am I going to do with all that eggnog?
===''Dramon Power'' [2.39]===
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 1'' [2.40]===
:'''Cody''': Why do they call this place "Down Under"?
:'''Joe''': I don't know. I don't speak Australian.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Uh, don't tell me we're moving again. I don't want to change jobs again and I'm sure Mimi doesn't want to change schools, do you Mimi? Huh? What's this? "Dear Mom and Dad. Running away from monsters with you is tons of fun, but I forgot to do something very important. I'll catch up with you later. Love Mimi"? Mimi!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Where are all the monsters? What happened? Come on, kid, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Davis''': Uh, well, there's a simple explanation. Uh, anybody got one?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Well, son, I'm waiting.
:'''Davis''': Uh. ''(thinking)'' ''Come on, Davis, think of something. You're not as dumb like everyone says. Think!'' ''(aloud)'' What monsters?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Huh?
:'''Davis''': I don't see any monsters around here. ''(laughs)'' ''(thinking)'' ''Nice going. When in doubt, deny, deny, deny. Who says I'm so dumb?''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': Izzy, explain to them about being DigiDestined.
:'''Izzy''': Well, you're a part of a fraternal society...
:'''MegaKabuterimon''': Izzy, how many times do I have to tell you: when explaining things, keep it simple.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, yeah. Uh, let me start over. You're digivice carrying titans destined to save the Digital World. Simple?
:'''Kari''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Izzy''': Still don't get it? Well, I could explain it better if I had visual aids to work with, but I left my charts and graphs at home. How am I supposed to function under these primitive conditions!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Poi Brother 3''': Watch your spelling, Octomon. There's going to be a quiz later.
:'''Chinese general''': Huh? We come in peace? Sergeant, I think we've landed in the middle of a B movie. Only one thing to do. This isn't going to look good on my resume.
:'''Chinese soldier''': No, sir.
:'''Chinese general''': Let's keep this maneuver our little secret.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chinese soldier''': Are you sure it's a good idea to let them cross, general?
:'''Chinese general''': Yes. We're all part of the same army when it comes to saving the world.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 2'' [2.41]===
:'''Joe''': Cody and I will do the heave, you guys do the ho. And heave!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Go!
:'''Joe''': I didn't say go, I said ho!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Joe?
:'''Joe''': No! Ho! Ho! Ho!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Hey, Grandpa, why didn't you bring Grandma along?
:'''Michel''': She was finishing some plumbing work in the kitchen. Anyway, whenever we go for a ride on this thing, she always insists on driving.
:'''T.K.''': I understand.
:'''Michel''': Besides, I have a strange feeling things are going to get a little rough tonight. This calls for someone tough and dominating!
:'''Tai''': Sounds to me like she's right for the job.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 3'' [2.42]===
:'''Ken''': He... called me a punk.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Is that a ring in your nose or is that an allergic reaction?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': He may be a goofy little glow-worm, but that light was a great idea.
:'''Wormmon''': Geniuses are always misunderstood.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': I feel so helpless...but the only Russian I know...
:'''Yolei''': Wait, you know some Russian words?
:'''Sora''': Yeah, pirozhki and borscht.
:'''Yolei''': Terrific. So you're in charge of ordering for us in a restaurant.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ilya''': It was nice meeting you. You two are very resourceful. Lesser girls than you would've crumbled like a stale pirozhki!
:'''Sora''': Goodbye, Ilya! Keep busy!
:'''Davis''': All right then, let's go grab Kari and Izzy in Hong Kong and then head home, I need a serious nap!
:'''Yolei''': Wait, we can't go home!
:'''Ken''': It's almost Christmas morning. If we're not home in time to open our presents, our parents are going to get suspicious.
:'''Yolei''': No! I wanted pirozhki and borscht!
:'''Davis''': What's wrong with an old-fashioned riceball?
:'''Sora''': But Yuri was taking us out to dinner!
:'''Matt''': Yuri?
:''(Yolei, Sora, Biyomon, and Hawkmon all burst into tears.)''
:'''Davis''': This is embarassing. Come on, everybody, let's get out of here before their eyelids freeze together!
===''Invasion of the Daemon Corps'' [2.43]===
===''Dark Sun, Dark Spore'' [2.44]===
===''The Dark Gate'' [2.45]===
===''Duel of the WarGreymon'' [2.46]===
===''BlackWarGreymon's Destiny'' [2.47]===
:'''Agumon''': Thank you, BlackWarGreymon. You're a true friend and I'll never forget you.
===''Oikawa's Shame'' [2.48]===
:'''Tai''': Be very quiet, Agumon. We can't let her know we're here.
:'''Agumon''': I am being very quiet.
:'''Tai''': Well, you're not being very invisible. Get back here.
:'''Agumon''': Hmph! Being a spy would be easier if we didn't have to do so much spying.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Hi, Izzy, honey, it's mom! I'm down in Highton View Terrace.
:'''Izzy''': Aaahh! ''[sees his mother calling from a phone booth near the DigiDestined's stakeout location]'' Mom, what are you doing here?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Well, I was just thinking of how all the other parents doing their part helping out you kids, you know with lending their own expertise. So I sat right down and asked myself what's my expertise? And the answer is: snacks. So I made you some PB and J with the crusts cut off.
:'''Izzy''': PB and J? Mom...
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': I know how you hate the crusts.
:'''Izzy''': Ohhh... okay, hold on, I'll be down in a minute.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Okay, bye!
:'''Izzy''': ''[hangs up, turns to his friends, embarrassed]'' My mom. I'll be right back, guys.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': He's changing!
:'''T.K.''': But into Myotismon or VenomMyotismon?
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Actually... you can call me MaloMyotismon!
===''The Last Temptation of the DigiDestined'' [2.49]===
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Impossible! There's not a single child in the world that doesn't have something they're worried about!
:'''Davis''': Well, you just met one! Congratulations, big and ugly! I guess you should go back to your magic act! Now if we're through chit chatting, I'd like to get back to the part where we put you away! I'm sick of monsters like you always trying to take over the world. It's over. We're not going to let you hurt any more people!
===''A Million Points of Light'' [2.50]===
:'''Tai''': It's so dark, and it'll be like this forever if we can't stop MaloMyotismon! No! I can't give up hope! There are too many people depending on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''MaloMyotismon''': The dying of the light, and no one to rage against it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey, I've got an idea! Digi-port open! Please?
:'''Matt''': Guess our parents were wrong; that isn't the magic word.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Palmon''': We have to fight him, Mimi, but I need your help!
:'''Mimi''': I'm right here for you, Palmon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Wow, wait a minute, look at this!
:'''All''': Huh?
:'''Joe''': More bad news?
:'''Izzy''': Gates are opening all over the world! Look you guys, it's lighting up like a modem rotor in full pulse mode!
:'''Matt''': Well, if that looks like a Christmas tree lighting up, I'd have to agree with you.
:'''Sora''': The light from the gates is cutting through MaloMyotismon's blanket of darkness!
:'''Izzy''': It must be coming from digivices all over the planet!
:'''Matt''': Just think, millions of kids are banding together to take a stand against MaloMyotismon right now! It doesn't matter where they live or what language they speak, they all knew that they had to unite against the darkness. Had to fight it no matter how futile it may have seemed.
:'''Tai''': I knew that MaloMyotismon couldn't win that easily! The whole world is fighting him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[last lines of the series]'' So, you can see we're still having adventures. They're just a little different from the ones we used to have when we were kids. The darkness has not been conquered, and it will continue to fight against the light forever, but as long as people remember to follow their dreams, evil will be kept at bay. And on days like today, it's hard to see any darkness anywhere. Now it's up to our children, and to children everywhere, to follow their dreams. Who knows where they'll end up, but the only way to find out is to take that first step into adventure.
==''Digimon Adventure tri.''==
===''Reunion'' [3.01]===
===''Determination'' [3.02]===
===''Confession'' [3.03]===
===''Loss'' [3.04]===
===''Coexistence'' [3.05]===
===''Future'' [3.06]===
==Films==
===''Digimon: The Movie''===
:'''Kari''': Being a Digidestined means that sometimes you have to save the world, even if you're the one who caused the problem.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai Kamiya''': [typing an email] "Dear Sora, I'm sorry about what happened. I haven't felt this bad since the time I accidentally threw up in your hat and didn't tell you about it before you put it on. I know our relationship has been a little stormy lately. You say you love thundershowers, so what's a few raindrops between friends? Love, Tai."
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': But my dad likes his mess where it is...
:'''Izzy''': We'll have more capability if we network our computers together.
:'''Tai''': Hey, Izzy. Why don't we just call up the Digimon on the screen and then hit delete?
:'''Izzy''': Don't you think I've tried that?
:'''Tai''': If this thing is so dangerous, maybe we should call someone important like the principal or Bill Gates, or someone?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': I'm one step ahead of you, Tai.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': I can't come over. You don't understand, the magician's coming over later and I already volunteered to be sawed in half.
:'''Tai''': Whatever. Just tell the half with feet to run home right away!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': You're going to need a password.
:'''Izzy''': You can use mine to get on the Internet. "Prodigious"!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Guys, the closest thing our grandmother has to computer is an egg timer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey Matt, who are all these weird people?
:'''Matt''': They're not weird, they're my best friends! ''[Quietly]'' Considering this is the only computer in town...
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Digimon]]
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'''''{{w|Digimon Adventure}}''''' is a 1999 Japanese anime television series created by Akiyoshi Hongo, and produced by Toei Animation in cooperation with WiZ, Bandai and Fuji Television. It is the first anime series in the [[Digimon]] franchise, based on the virtual pet series. The story centers on children called the DigiDestined who are transported into the Digital World by Digivices and partner with Digimon to save the world.
It was followed by a sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure 02}}''''' in 2000. It was later followed by a second sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure tri.}}''''' in 2015.
==''Digimon Adventure''==
===''And So It Begins...'' [1.01]===
:'''Tai''': ''[first lines of the series]'' That's home. Planet Earth. But I'm not sure that's where I am right now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, by the way, my name's Tai. This is Sora. She's okay, for a girl. And Matt. Matt's too cool. Just look at that haircut! And this little kid is Izzy. He should have gone to computer camp. That's Mimi. I bet you can guess her favorite color on the first try. T.K. is Matt's dopey little brother. Oh, and this is Joe. But don't ever scare him. He'd probably wet his pants.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I'm gonna build the biggest snowman!
:'''Matt''': Hey T.K.! Be careful. Slow down!
:'''Sora''': Brr! It is freezing. And I didn't bring a jacket.
:'''Joe''': Man! I was worried I'd catch a summer cold. But this is even worse!
:'''Mimi''': Wow! Why didn't I pack my fluffy pink snow boots?
:'''Izzy''': Still not working. Bummer. This storm's making a mess of my infrared internet connection.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': That is the last time I eat camp food!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[at a cliff]'' Great! Anybody bring a helicopter?
===''The Birth of Greymon'' [1.02]===
:'''Tai''': When we get back, this is gonna make one great story... But of course, not a single soul will ever believe me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phone Operator''': Tomorrow's forecast calls for clear skies with occasional ice cream.
:'''Mimi''': What do you wear for that?
:'''Phone Operator''' This number only exists in your imagination. Please hang up, and don't call back.
:'''Matt''': What planet did I dial?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[sarcastically to Joe]'' I'm glad we never hear you complaining.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Whoa! He did it again! Now he's Greymon!
===''Garurumon'' [1.03]===
:'''T.K.''': Big Bro...you're the best!
===''Biyomon Gets Firepower'' [1.04]===
:'''Matt''': Moving right along, folks... keep it moving... Our next stop on the tour will be the forest of irrelevant road signs. No pictures, please.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': We're going to be okay, just keep moving along.
:'''Palmon''': My head is baking. If this goes on too much longer, I'm going to look like a wilted salad!
:'''Mimi''': ''[places her pink cowboy hat on Palmon's head]'' Here, you wear my hat for a while. You need it more than I do.
:'''Palmon''': Thank you Mimi.
:'''T.K.''': PU! What's that yucky smell?
:'''Matt''': Here's a thought. Now you know why they call them sweat socks!
:'''Mimi''': This beach would be a lot more popular if it had a lot more things, like an ocean, a gentle breeze, a snack bar, a hunky lifeguard, you know?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the village]'' Maybe they'll have hats for sale, half-off.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': Oh my! I would just love to take on home and put it on my bed with all my other stuffed animals!
:'''Matt''': There she goes again. Do you think Mimi hears the same things we hear? I'm not so sure anymore.
:'''Izzy''': Maybe she's an alien spy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Smells better than broccoli. Who knows, it might taste better.
:'''Matt''': Has anybody noticed? We talk a lot about food.
:'''Sora''': Nah, I'm not hungry.
:'''Joe''': I'm skipping this one too. I just don't like to eat on an empty stomach. Besides, I don't even know what that stuff is, but I'm sure I'm allergic to it.
===''Kabuterimon's Electro Shocker'' [1.05]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[recurring line]'' Prodigious!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': ''[to Tai]'' Too bad your brain isn't as big as your hair.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': Now that you boys have holes in your heads, maybe your brains will get more oxygen.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Or, we could stand here frozen until the monster gets us!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Boy, that's productive. This thing puts the pieces together, and then it takes them apart.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, yeah? Just try it, you tin can!
:'''Joe''': Would you please stop taunting the deranged android?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Even more incredible, in Digiworld basic data and simple living information are a living viable substance. It's alive!
===''Togemon in Toy Town'' [1.06]===
:'''Agumon''': Now let's try some solo performances, starting with Mimi.
:'''Tai''': Mimi?
:'''Sora''': Mimi?
:'''Matt''': Singing?
:'''Mimi''': ''[Singing badly]'' Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam...
:'''Joe''': Avoiding your drone.
:'''Mimi''': Oh come on I had singing lessons for three years.
:'''T.K''': Oh you did? Did it help?
:'''Izzy''': Mimi, you should get a refund. That's what I think.
===''Ikkakumon's Harpoon Torpedo'' [1.07]===
:'''Sora''': Cheer up. Tell me how you like your eggs and I'll do the best I can.
:'''Joe''': I prefer my eggs to be covered in salt and pepper, but I guess it doesn't really matter.
:'''Tai''': I like soy sauce.
:'''Matt''': How about salsa?
:'''Sora''': How about a reality check?
:'''Izzy''': I'll have mine with mustard and jellybeans, please.
:'''Matt''': How gross!
:'''T.K.''': Jellybeans. That sounds good.
:'''Mimi''': What? You're all weird! My favorite is eggs covered in maple syrup! Sometimes I like to eat them with cherries on top!
:'''Tai''': Now that's weird!
:'''T.K.''': But I bet it's good.
:'''Joe''': You guys are completely making me lose my appetite! I mean, come on. Jellybeans and cherries on eggs? That's just crazy talk! Salt and pepper is all they need. Keep it simple. That's always been my motto.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[to Tai]'' Put your fists down when you talk to me and stop acting like you can bully your way into being the leader!
===''Evil Shows His Face'' [1.08]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Tai's map]'' No question, man, you are the dude of doodles!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Potato chips, chocolate chips, fish and chips, I'll have any kind of chips!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': Whenever my skin gets dirty, I just shed it.
:'''Izzy''': That would be difficult for me.
===''Subzero Ice Punch!'' [1.09]===
:'''Tai''': Sure, let's go for a hike. Then after that we'll hike. And then we can hike some more.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': I thought we'd never find you guys! It is sure lucky we met up with Frigimon.
:'''Matt''': Frosty the snowmon here?
:'''Tai''': Yep. This is him. He happened to see you two fall on this island, and then he got us here in no time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Who are you calling a jerk, jerk?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Matt, Tai, quit it!
===''A Clue from the Digi-Past'' [1.10]===
===''The Dancing Digimon'' [1.11]===
:''[Joe catches Gomamon eating]''
:'''Joe''': Did I just hear you eating again?
:'''Gomamon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Joe''': Didn't I tell you not to eat all the food, since we don't know when we'll find land?! I told you that we need to ration, which means save food for later, as in much later.
:'''Gomamon''': But it ''is'' later Joe. You told me that 20 minutes ago.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner]'' 20 minutes is not much later! Please tell me there is still some food in the bag!
:'''Gomamon''': Well, no. Since you can't handle eating and floating on the ocean at the same time, I ate it all. Besides, I need food to Digivolve in case we run into bad Digimon.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner again]'' So, have we seen any bad Digimon?! NO! If I starve, who are you gonna protect?! ''[he retches and heaves over the side of the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That's enough about food. Things'll get better soon. Hang in there buddy.
:''[both see a crate coming near the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That crate is gonna hit us!
:'''Joe''': Maybe it's full of fruit, vegetables, bread, milk, cereal, hot dogs, cookies, candy, and soda?
:'''Gomamon''': I wish!
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner yet again]'' You wish?! We wouldn't need more food if you hadn't eaten ours!
:'''Gomamon''': You're strong when you're hungry!
:'''Joe''': Starvation is a good motivator. Looks like we'll need a jackhammer to open this.
===''DigiBaby Boom'' [1.12]===
:'''T.K.''': My parents are still mad at me, for the time I painted our kitty cat.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I don't want to fight ever!
===''The Legend of the Digi-destined'' [1.13]===
:'''T.K.''': Hey! Let's play a game with the baby Digimon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': Okay, so you don’t wanna play any games.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[seeing Angemon for the first time]'' I wanna take him home with me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Angemon''': T.K., I'll come back again, if you want me to.
===''Departure for a New Continent'' [1.14]===
:'''Tai''': I have a foolproof plan: first we'll eat something, then after that... I'm open to suggestions!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': When we had to survive on our own, we grew up very fast... except for Joe, he just threw up very fast...
===''The Dark Network of Etemon'' [1.15]===
:'''Tai''': Never trust anything without feet!
===''The Arrival of Skullgreymon'' [1.16]===
===''The Crest of Sincerity'' [1.17]===
===''The Piximon Cometh'' [1.18]===
===''The Prisoner of the Pyramid'' [1.19]===
:'''Matt''': Computer guys can never just tell you something. They have to spend all day explaining it to you...
===''The Earthquake of MetalGreymon'' [1.20]===
:'''Tai''': Be ready when I give the signal.
:'''Izzy''': Roger.
:'''Mimi''': He forgot his name!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': A man must face himself before he can face his enemies.
===''Home Away from Home'' [1.21]===
===''Forget About It!'' [1.22]===
:'''Matt''': ''[To T.K. and Tokomon]'' Remember it's an amusement park, so like... amuse yourselves.
===''WereGarurumon's Diner'' [1.23]===
:'''Joe''': Tai, I'm so glad to see you, but don't break anything.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Then our friends must be nearby. It did the same thing we found T.K.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[angrily]'' How dare you say that, Matt! We're all friends here!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': You gotta believe me, Matt.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've been here long enough to pay for a trip to Hawaii!
:'''Digitamamon''': ''[Growing furiously]'' Hawaii is not on the schedule, but if you insist I'll send you to the moon! ''[Attacks]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[when Vegiemon attacks T.K.]'' That's going too far! I've had it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': After I accused him and yelled at him, he still risked himself for T.K. Joe. No!
===''No Questions, Please'' [1.24]===
===''Princess Karaoke'' [1.25]===
:'''Mimi''': So you thought you could pull a fast one on Princess Mimi did you?
:'''Tai''': That's Princess Meanie!
===''Sora's Crest of Love'' [1.26]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Sora]'' If she wants to cry, let her.
===''The Gateway to Home'' [1.27]===
:'''Tai''': Did you find anything down there, Izzy?
:'''Tentomon''': You could say that, Tai, but the thing is we're up here and you're down there.
:'''Agumon''': I think you guys may need glasses. We're way up here above you.
:'''Izzy''': But that can't be! That's scientifically impossible!
===''It's All in the Cards'' [1.28]===
:''[When they first meet Gennai]''
:'''Mimi''': HOW COME YOU CALLED US THE DIGIDESTINED?!
:'''Gennai''': I'm old, not deaf!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[looking at a picture of Gomamon]'' Alright, look at Gomamon!
:'''Gomamon''': I'm cuter in person.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gennai''': You must never forget that you are the Digidestined.
:'''Joe''': I'll never forget this stomachache.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Koromon''': How did you know my card was the fake, Tai?
:'''Tai''': I didn't. I kept your card because you're my friend.
:'''Koromon''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, how nice.
===''Return to Highton View Terrace'' [1.29]===
:'''Sora''': There are millions of kids like us in the world.
:'''Biyomon''': You mean there are millions of Soras?
:'''Sora''': ''[yelling]'' There's only one of me!
===''Almost Home Free'' [1.30]===
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the money the group had]'' Whoops, we went and spent it all.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[after their lame attempts at hitchhiking]'' Not so easy is it, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Well, at least my cat's not stuck in a tree!
===''The Eighth Digivice'' [1.31]===
===''Gatomon Comes Calling'' [1.32]===
:'''Tai''': ''[looking at Agumon in his poor disguise]'' Yeah. That's real inconspicuous.
===''Out on the Town'' [1.33]===
:'''Gotsumon''': ''[Pumpkinmon runs right into a teenager who falls down on the ground]'' Wow, you hit down some kind of monster!
:'''Pumpkinmon''': Even worse, I think I hit down a teenager!
===''The Eighth Child Revealed'' [1.34]===
:'''Myotismon''': ''[To Wizardmon]'' Did you really think you could betray me and get away with it?
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[Protecting Gatomon]'' How could I betray you? I was never on your side to start with!
===''Flower Power'' [1.35]===
===''City Under Siege'' [1.36]===
:'''Gomamon''': ''[popping out of Joe's gym bag]'' Ta-da! Fresh air.
===''Wizardmon's Gift'' [1.37]===
:'''Tai''': You've picked on the wrong guy's little sister, Mr. Fang-Face!
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:'''Kari''': ''[after Wizardmon sacrifices himself to save her and Gatomon]'' Wizardmon, you're gonna be all right. Please don't leave! Wizardmon!
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[weakly]'' Are you all right, Gatomon?
:'''Gatomon''': ''[in tears]'' You saved me. I'm sorry.
:'''Wizardmon''': About what?
:'''Gatomon''': I'm sorry that I got you involved in this.
:'''Wizardmon''': Don't be sorry. I don't have any regrets. If I wouldn't met you, my life would have no meaning. I'm glad you and I were friends.
:'''Gatomon''': That's forever.
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[last words]'' Thank you for everything, Gatomon.
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:'''Angewomon''': Myotismon. You've tried to destroy the Digidestined and attempted to conquer Earth. In doing so, you have ruined the lives of Digimon and humans alike. How can you justify yourself?
:'''Myotismon''': I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you! It is my destiny to plunge this world into darkness and become king of the Digital World! And no angel or Digimon has the power to stop me!
:'''Angemon''': Myotismon, don't you have any regrets for the things you have done?
:'''Myotismon''': Hmph. Nightmare-
:'''Angewomon''': Heaven's Charm!
:'''Myotismon''': Ugh!
:'''MetalGreymon''': My power! It's...it's growing!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Now!
:'''Garudamon''': Everyone, give your power to Angewomon!
:'''MetalKabuterimon''': Horn Buster!
:'''Lillymon''': Flower Cannon!
:'''Zudomon''': Vulcan's Hammer!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Wolf Claw!
:'''Garudamon''': Wing Blade!
:'''MetalGreymon''': Giga Blaster!
:'''Angemon''': Hand of Fate!
:'''Angewomon''': Celestial Arrow!
:'''Myotismon''': Don't! Uuu... ARGH!
===''Prophecy'' [1.38]===
:'''Gennai''': The sky will be darkened by the wings of many bats. The fallen people will invoke the name of the undead Digimon king and when the clock strikes the hour of the beast, the undead king will reveal himself in his true form as the beast. Then angels will shoot arrows of hope and light at the loved ones of those they've been sent to protect, and a miracle will happen. Please always recycle.
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:'''Tentomon''': It's quite simple really. Let me explain. Say I'm kind of a guardian angel. Whose guardian angel am I? Yours. And who do you love more than anyone in the world?
:'''Izzy''': Hey, I was getting to that! My mom and dad, of course.
:'''Tentomon''': Exactly, but T.K. and Kari not only have moms and dads, they have something else too.
:'''Izzy's Father''': They have ''brothers''.
:'''Tentomon''': In a word, bingo!
:'''Izzy''': Why would you want them shooting arrows at your loved ones? Sounds kind of dangerous to me.
:'''Izzy's Mother''': They're angels, Izzy. Maybe they're like Cupid, he was sort of like an angel. When he shot arrows, they were arrows of love.
:'''Izzy''': Mom, isn't that a little corny?
:'''Tentomon''': It may be corny, but I believe it. All we have to do is get Angemon and Angewomon to hit you guys with their arrows of ''love''.
:'''Izzy''': Hey! Let's not be too hasty here!
:'''Matt''': Well, what do you think?
:'''Tai''': It's worth a shot. Kari!
:'''Matt''': T.K.!
:'''T.K.''': You sure you wanna?
:'''Tai''': Let's see these arrows of hope and light!
:'''Matt''': You two have got to get them to shoot at us.
:'''Tai''': They'll only do it if you tell them to.
:'''Kari''': You really want them to shoot you?
:'''T.K.''': What if you get, like, dead or something?
:'''Matt''': Never happen.
:'''Kari''': Okay. Angewomon!
:'''T.K.''': Angemon, listen up! I know this maybe sounds crazy but shoot Matt and Tai with your arrows.
:'''Kari''': You too, Angewomon.
:'''Angemon''': He's right.
:'''Angewomon''': Sounds crazy, but...
:'''Gabumon''': Wait! You sure about this?
:'''Agumon''': What if that prophecy's all wrong?
:'''Tai''': You guys want a miracle to happen or not?
:'''Matt''': Yeah, miracles require a little faith. Scared, Tai?
:'''Tai''': No, no at all. How 'bout you, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Course not! Piece of cake! ''[Matt takes Tai's hand]'' But maybe I'll just hang onto you to make sure you don't chicken out or anything.
:'''Tai''': Yeah. right. I'll do the same for you, buddy. ''[Their crests start to glow]''
:'''Angemon''': One miracle...!
:'''Angewomon''': ...comin' up!
===''The Battle for Earth'' [1.39]===
===''Enter the Dark Masters'' [1.40]===
===''Sea-Sick and Tired'' [1.41]===
:'''Tai''': Look, the fog's finally clearing.
:'''Joe''': Great, now we can clearly see that we're lost.
:'''Izzy''': It's more productive to think of ourselves as we're on our way, Joe.
:'''Matt''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, I feel better already.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Matt''': Did it get brighter all of the sudden, or is it just Tai's sunny disposition?
<hr width="50%">
:'''MetalSeadramon''': Ha! Farewell, DigiDestined, it was a rare pleasure knowing you... ''medium rare''!
===''Under Pressure'' [1.42]===
:'''Metalseadramon''': This my moment to shine! Does my hair look alright?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Tai''': Oh, c'mon, do you think I'm too brainless to understand?
:'''Izzy''': Yes, but I'll tell you anyway.
===''Playing Games'' [1.43]===
:'''Matt''': Enough. Why don't you stop and think about other people's feelings for a change?
:'''Tai''': Huh? What are you talking about?
:'''Matt''': We all know you're right, Tai, but just give us a little space.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''Matt''': We miss our friends who fought alongside of us. Not everyone has ice running through their veins like you do.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''T.K.''': Calm down.
:'''Matt''': You're so busy looking forward, that you never take time to look back. We've lost some good friends here, Tai and it's nice to remember them once in awhile.
:'''Tai''': If we always stop to do that, we'll never have enough time to save the world.
:'''Matt''': You still don't get it. I know you hear me, but you're not listening.
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:'''T.K.''': How boring. I'm not having any fun at all!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[aghast]'' What? I'm the life of the party...I put the "fun" in fungus.
:'''T.K.''': ''[scoffs]'' HA! You just play the same game over and over again... boring!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[distraught]'' I'm not boring!
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:'''Joe''': This is the first time I've been car sick without a car!
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:''[Joe is doubled up on the floor in pain and clutching his stomach]''
:'''Kari''': Joe, what is it?
:'''Joe''': My stomach.
:'''Kari''': What's wrong does it hurt?
:'''Joe''': No. I'm just doing this 'cause it's fun.
===''Trash Day'' [1.44]===
:'''Matt''': I finally got it figured out. If I'm ever gonna change, I have to do it on my own. On my own. The others can't help me.
:'''Cherrymon''': Well, well, well. Look what we've got here. Greetings, nature lovers. What's the matter? Never seen a talking tree?
:'''Matt''': Not many.
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:'''Cherrymon''': Behold the face of your rival!
:'''Matt''': So you're saying... I have to fight Tai, is that it? ''[laughs]'' Nice try, foliage face! You had me going there! You'll have to do better than that!
:'''Cherrymon''': I had nothing to do with it. The Lake of Truth reflects only what is in a person's heart, hence the name.
:'''Matt''': You gotta be kidding.
:'''Cherrymon''': Sorry, kid. It's never wrong.
:'''Matt''': That right? Well, I got news for you. It's off this time, way off!
===''The Ultimate Clash'' [1.45]===
:'''Agumon''': Bug up the nose? That's a bad thing?
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:'''T.K.''': Matt, I'm gonna tell Mom that you were fighting!
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:'''Mimi''': I'm gonna sit here and stare at the flowers until everyone starts getting along.
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:'''Gatomon''': What in the DigiWorld is she doing?
:'''Izzy''': ''[on Kari]'' She appears to be conversing with herself.
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:'''Joe''': Ahh! Piedmon is here! Don't come any closer! Shoo! Go away!
:'''Gomamon''': Relax! It's just an image.
:'''Sora''': Yeah, save your screaming for the real thing.
===''Etemon's Comeback Tour'' [1.46]===
===''Ogremon's Honor'' [1.47]===
===''My Sister's Keeper'' [1.48]===
:'''Izzy''': Hey, Tai! This isn't your normal behavior.
:'''Tai''': It's Kari, she almost died once before because of me.
:'''Izzy, Tentomon and Agumon''': Huh!?
:'''Tai''': It happened when she was four or five, just a little kid. She stayed home from kindergarten one day because she was sick. I mean, I knew she was sick, but all I could think about on the way home was playing soccer.
:'''Young Tai''': Hey, I'm home!
:'''Tai''': I wanted to go out and play, but I didn't want to leave her by herself, so I took her outside with me. She seemed okay, really she did.
:'''Young Tai''': Now watch me, just like that. ''[Kari kicks the ball in the wrong direction]'' No, that's not right ''[sees that Kari has collapsed]'' ...Kari? Kari!
:'''Mrs. Kamiya''': ''[after slapping Young Tai in the face]'' What could you have been thinking!? You knew she was sick! ''[begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': She ended up with pneumonia, or something. She almost didn't make it, but what really kills me is what she said when they brought her home from the hospital. The first words out of her mouth...
:'''Young Kari''': Tai, I'm sorry I can't kick the ball very good. You'll probably never want to play with me again. ''[Young Tai begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': That's her, that's Kari. She never thinks about herself. It doesn't matter if she feels bad or if she's bummed out about other stuff, she's always worried about the other kids. She wouldn't be sick, she'd be just fine if she never came to this stupid place, but she came because she knew that we needed her help. She never thought about what she wanted. She never does!
===''The Crest of Light'' [1.49]===
:'''Sora''': I don't care what you're faster than! As long as you're faster than a gigantic, rolling teddy bear!
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:'''Kari''': My light will guide us toward the others.
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:'''Tentomon''': Tentomon digivolve to... Kabu never mind...
:'''Agumon''': Agumon digivolve to... Greymon! Greymon! Greymon, yeah, I'm Greymon! I'm big and I'm bad...
===''Joe's Battle'' [1.50]===
:'''Mimi''': Everyone's being so nice, so sweet!
:'''Palmon''': Must be because of your charming personality!
:'''Ogremon''': Something tells me we should just nod our heads and go along.
:'''Meramon''': Yeah, right.
:'''Gomamon''': Come on, admit it Joe! Say it! She's charming!
:'''Joe''': ''[blushing]'' SHE'S NOT CHARMING! I mean she is! I'm... not going to have this conversation!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': Tai knows what he's doing. He knows where he fits in, and so do you. So do the others. But I don't! Look, I know that we're in for the fight of our lives, and part of me knows that I should stay and help. But I...I want you to count on me. If I'm unreliable, then Gomamon can't fully Digivolve. We're like circus clowns, we just get in the way. Don't look at me like that, you know it's true! I'm gonna figure this out! They don't call me old reliable for nothing!
:'''Gomamon''': But they don't.
:'''Joe''': I'll ignore that.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The fight between Angewomon and LadyDevimon has become a comical catfight. The guys all stare]''
:'''Tai''': Wow... Look at 'em go.
:'''Izzy''': I know I shouldn't be watching, but I can't take my eyes off them.
:'''Kari''': Get her Angewomon! That's right! Knock that witch's block off! Go!
===''The Crest of Friendship'' [1.51]===
:'''Matt''': I've been living a lie.
:'''Gabumon''': You're not a real blonde?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': I've never let anyone ever get close to me before. Not since my family split up. Ever since then, I've been alone. I figured if my family didn't want me, that I would just keep to myself and never tell anyone what I was feeling, and I swore I would never let anyone see me cry. But really all I wanted to do was cry.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[Being held at eye level by Matt]'' Gee, Matt, you look different, have you done something with your hair?
:'''Matt''': ''[deadpan]'' No, I'm just not using as much hair gel that's all.
===''Piedmon's Last Jest'' [1.52]===
:''[about Piedmon]''
:'''Joe''': He made them all disappear.
:'''Tentomon''': Well, at least he didn't saw them in half.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': What kinda sicko turns people into keychains?
:'''Piedmon''': I'm not a sicko. I'm a collector, and these new items have such sentimental value to me.
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:'''Piedmon''': Chew on this! ''[attacks]''
:'''MagnaAngemon''': I'm not hungry.
===''Now Apocalymon'' [1.53]===
:'''Apocalymon''': Do you think it's fair that I have to live with all this agony? Why should you get to laugh, while I am forced to cry? Why do you get to taste the best that life has to offer, while all I do is choke on its leftovers? Answer me this! WHY DO ALL OF YOU GET THE PIZZA, WHILE I GET THE CRUST?!
:'''Mimi''': Aah, I can't take all these metaphors!
:'''Izzy''': Boy, this guy really holds a grudge.
:'''Apocalymon''': I will rule the world and plunge it into darkness, so that I don't have to be alone anymore in my misery! ''[laughs madly]'' Wait a minute, what am I laughing at? I'm supposed to be depressed!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've sacrificed too much to give up now!
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:'''Tai''': You're looking at the new and improved DigiDestined!
===''The Fate of Two Worlds'' [1.54]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[To Tentomon]'' I love you.
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:'''Tai''': ''[last lines in the series]'' Our adventure in the Digital World might be over for now, but that gate won't stay closed forever. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time we see our pals, the Digimon! You wait and see. One day, that portal will open up again and we'll return to the Digital World! I wonder if Agumon will remember me? I know I'll never forget him, or the rest of the Digimon! None of us will!
==''Digimon Adventure 02''==
===''Enter Flamedramon'' [2.01]===
===''The Digiteam Complete'' [2.02]===
:'''Yolei''': This helmet makes my glasses look smaller!
===''A New Digitude'' [2.03]===
:'''Davis''': Hey, it's getting pretty dark in these woods. Here, Kari, I'll hold your hand so you won't get scared.
:'''Kari''': I'm not scared.
:'''T.K.''': And it's not her hand... it's mine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Patamon''': I thought that cats were always supposed to land on their feet!
:'''Gatomon''': Oh, shut up.
===''Iron Vegiemon'' [2.04]===
:'''Davis''': Let's go, T.A.!
:'''T.K.''': T.A.?
:'''Kari''': He forgot how to spell T.K.!
===''Old Reliable'' [2.05]===
===''Family Picnic'' [2.06]===
===''Guardian Angel'' [2.07]===
===''Ken's Secret'' [2.08]===
:'''Yolei''': ''[about Ken]'' I didn't say I wanted to kiss him, duh, I just wanna marry him!
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:'''Tai''': ''[to Davis]'' You can do it, and even if you can't, we won't think any less of you, man!
===''The Emperor's New Home'' [2.09]===
:'''Kari''': His smile makes him look so gentle.
:'''T.K.''': Yeah, but his hair makes him look a bit like you, Kari.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': Let's go get that evil, cute guy!
===''The Captive Digimon'' [2.10]===
:'''Davis''': Sorry I'm late. I was supposed to get a haircut but when I looked in the mirror, I realized my hair was already perfect.
:'''Yolei''': The only thing is he was staring in the mirror for over an hour.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': And don't touch my tree! I know exactly how many pieces of bark are on it.
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:'''Ken''': What could you digivolve into? A giant butterfly with scary looking wings?
===''Storm of Friendship'' [2.11]===
:'''Kari''': ''[on the Digiegg]'' It looks like a flip-flop with a bent nail in it.
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:'''Matt''': Ugh, I'm sick of your babbling! You're the only one who hasn't tried yet, so just get in there!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': See that guys? I got a noogie! It means I'm one of the guys now!
:'''Demiveemon''': Davis? If you're one of the guys now, does that means you were one of the girls before? Why can't you humans ever make up your minds? I'm so confused...
===''The Good, the Bad, and the Digi'' [2.12]===
:'''Deputymon''': I just love cards. Credits cards, greeting cards, you name it!
:'''Yolei''': What a show off! After a couple of hands, let's try to sneak away!
:'''Sora''': Maybe we can get him to fall asleep by talking him into playing Canasta!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': So what have you got, Cody?
:'''Cody''': I've got two pair. A pair of aces, and another pair of Aces. Is that good?
:'''Sora''': That beats us all!
===''His Master's Voice'' [2.13]===
:'''Gatomon''': ''[Before jumping off cliff to get to Kari]'' Eh, what the heck. I've got nine lives.
===''The Samurai of Sincerity'' [2.14]===
===''Big Trouble in Little Edo'' [2.15]===
:''[After Davis makes an unamusing joke about cutting ShogunGekomon's hair]''
:'''Kari''': Davis, sometimes you're so insensitive.
:'''Davis''': ''[jumps around flailing his arms]'' I'm so sensitive that I use a special toothpaste so my teeth don't hurt when I eat ice cream! Aah!
:''[Kari giggles and laughs]''
===''20,000 Digi-Leagues Under the Sea'' [2.16]===
===''Ghost of a Chance'' [2.17]===
:'''Matt''': First I'll take a little stroll over to our old refrigerator and take a peek at what's not expired...
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:'''Matt''': ''[The recipe for something really hot he's cooked up for him and T.K.]'' It's a secret but I'll tell you... A little bit of hot sauce, a little wasabi and a mystery meat I found in the freezer covered in green fuzz!
===''Run Yolei Run'' [2.18]===
===''An Old Enemy Returns'' [2.19]===
:'''Ken''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, it's not that funny!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': You will bow down before me.
:'''T.K.''': Sorry, the floor's kind of dirty.
:'''Ken''': You will listen to me! ''[whips him]''
:'''T.K.''': When you can't think of anything to say, do you always resort to fighting?
:'''Ken''': I guess...
:'''T.K.''': That's your problem. You don't know when to talk and when to fight. Now's a good time to talk. On the other hand... it's also a good time to fight! ''[punches Ken]''
===''The Darkness Before Dawn'' [2.20]===
:'''Davis''': I just can't forget what happened. We had to sit around and watch as this mix-n-match monster destroyed everything, and it didn't matter who got in his way. I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't stand by and let that happen again! And if none of you wanna go with me, then I'm going in alone because I refuse to give up until this thing is completely destroyed once and for all!
===''The Crest of Kindness'' [2.21]===
:'''Ken''': ''[realizing his cruelties to Digimon were real]'' I'm a monster! I can't believe what I've done!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': Wormmon, I'm sorry. Don't go... You're my best friend.
:'''Wormmon''': ''[last words]'' You're my best friend too. Goodbye Ken.
===''Davis Cries Wolfmon'' [2.22]===
:'''Davis''': Alright, if you're gonna destroy me, then will you please proceed to wash your hands first? I like to keep things clean.
:'''Veemon''': Good thing he hasn't seen your room...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Veemon''': Davis, please tell me this is just another trick!
:'''Davis''': Do you think I'm smart enough to think up something like this?!
:'''Veemon''': Good point!
===''Genesis of Evil'' [2.23]===
:'''Ken''': ''[after his brother dies]'' Sam, I didn't mean it. I was just mad when I said I wanted you to disappear.
===''If I had a Tail Hammer'' [2.24]===
===''Spirit Needle'' [2.25]===
===''United We Stand'' [2.26]===
:'''Ken''': Hero time, Wormmon!
===''Fusion Confusion'' [2.27]===
:'''T.K.''': There's no way they'll get through all this rubble.
:'''Yolei''': Uh, I suppose Ken and Davis just didn't hear you, T.K.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': The warp is returning to normal. Oh, but my stiff neck isn't. I got to learn not to get so excited.
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:'''Davis''': Sometimes I wish he weren't so smart so he didn't have so much to tell us.
:'''DigiDestined''': Davis!
:'''Davis''': I'm sorry, but it hurts my brain to hold all that information!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': I don't understand what's wrong with Ken. I'd want to be friends with me.
:'''Chibomon''': Don't worry, I'm sure he'll see how great it is to be friends with you and how great it is to DNA digivolve with me! That was fun!
:'''Davis''': That was some fight. But what if Ken never comes back again?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': I was afraid you'd disappear forever, Leafmon, when you DNA digivolved with Chibomon...
:'''Leafmon''': But I liked it.
:'''Ken''': Huh?
:'''Leafmon''': It made me feel like we were needed again, part of something big.
:'''Ken''': I don't know, maybe they could be my friends.
:'''Leafmon''': Urgh, Ken, you're sleeping on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Um, Izzy? What happened to that friend of yours, Tento?
:'''T.K.''': It's Tento''mon''.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Tentomon, then.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, well, see, he, uh... ''[laughs nervously]''
===''The Insect Master's Trap'' [2.28]===
===''Arukenimon's Tangled Web'' [2.29]===
:'''Ken''': ''[grabs Cody by the leg mid-fall]'' I've got you Cody!
:'''Cody''': A-a-are you sure!? You're not just pulling my leg, are you!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': Play that funky music now, girl!
:'''Kari''': Name that tune!
===''Ultimate Anti-Hero'' [2.30]===
===''Opposites Attract'' [2.31]===
===''If I Only had a Heart'' [2.32]===
===''A Chance Encounter'' [2.33]===
===''Destiny in Doubt'' [2.34]===
:'''Yolei''': Oh, hi Izzy, great timing. Just hold on... ''(She jumps out of the picture and reappears holding a dishcloth.)'' I got you a decorative dishcloth. Cute, huh?
:'''Izzy''': Yeah, thanks Yolei, and I have a gift for you guys, too.
:'''Yolei''': You hate the towel, right?
:'''Izzy''': I've written an algorithm for the D3 and D-Terminal. Once I transfer it in, you'll be able to use the D-Terminal to see the rift in the plane. ''(He punches some buttons on his laptop.)'' There we go.
:'''T.K.''': Wow, Izzy, this is great! We can use this to track down BlackWarGreymon!
:'''Izzy''': Well it's the least I could do, after Yolei got me that neat towel!
:'''Yolei''': So you do like the towel! Yay!
===''Cody Takes a Stand'' [2.35]===
===''Stone Soup'' [2.36]===
===''Kyoto Dragon'' [2.37]===
:'''BlackWarGreymon''': I'm going to a place where all things get lost.
:'''Davis''': You should try my sock drawer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Arukenimon''': Oh, don't go anywhere. I'll be back to destroy you in a minute.
:'''Mummymon''': Ditto that.
:'''Davis''': Destiny Stones can break my bones, but you guys are real losers!
===''A Very Digi-Christmas'' [2.38]===
:'''Ken''': ''[thinking sarcastically]'' Thanks a lot Davis. Great, no pressure.
:'''Davis''': Come on guys! Gather round! ''[they do]''
:'''Ken''': Ahem. I request the honor of your presence at a holiday celebration. That is...
:'''T.K.''': Say no more. You're having a Christmas party. We're in!
:'''Veemon''': Hey Ken, can we come?
:'''Ken''': Of course! Maybe you'll even catch Gatomon under the mistletoe! ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Cody still hates me. Well, here it goes.
:'''Cody''': ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Ken still hates me. Well, here he comes.
:'''Ken''': Here you go, Cody. You're invited, too.
:'''Cody''': Really? I'm glad I made your list!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': I hate Go Fish. Can't we play something else?
:'''Davis''': Sure, let's play strip-
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:'''Ken''': Come on, Davis! Can't we move any faster?
:'''Davis''': Don't be a backseat driver, Ken!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': This Christmas party was a bad idea... I should forget the whole thing. But what am I going to do with all that eggnog?
===''Dramon Power'' [2.39]===
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 1'' [2.40]===
:'''Cody''': Why do they call this place "Down Under"?
:'''Joe''': I don't know. I don't speak Australian.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Uh, don't tell me we're moving again. I don't want to change jobs again and I'm sure Mimi doesn't want to change schools, do you Mimi? Huh? What's this? "Dear Mom and Dad. Running away from monsters with you is tons of fun, but I forgot to do something very important. I'll catch up with you later. Love Mimi"? Mimi!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Where are all the monsters? What happened? Come on, kid, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Davis''': Uh, well, there's a simple explanation. Uh, anybody got one?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Well, son, I'm waiting.
:'''Davis''': Uh. ''(thinking)'' ''Come on, Davis, think of something. You're not as dumb like everyone says. Think!'' ''(aloud)'' What monsters?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Huh?
:'''Davis''': I don't see any monsters around here. ''(laughs)'' ''(thinking)'' ''Nice going. When in doubt, deny, deny, deny. Who says I'm so dumb?''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': Izzy, explain to them about being DigiDestined.
:'''Izzy''': Well, you're a part of a fraternal society...
:'''MegaKabuterimon''': Izzy, how many times do I have to tell you: when explaining things, keep it simple.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, yeah. Uh, let me start over. You're digivice carrying titans destined to save the Digital World. Simple?
:'''Kari''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Izzy''': Still don't get it? Well, I could explain it better if I had visual aids to work with, but I left my charts and graphs at home. How am I supposed to function under these primitive conditions!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Poi Brother 3''': Watch your spelling, Octomon. There's going to be a quiz later.
:'''Chinese general''': Huh? We come in peace? Sergeant, I think we've landed in the middle of a B movie. Only one thing to do. This isn't going to look good on my resume.
:'''Chinese soldier''': No, sir.
:'''Chinese general''': Let's keep this maneuver our little secret.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chinese soldier''': Are you sure it's a good idea to let them cross, general?
:'''Chinese general''': Yes. We're all part of the same army when it comes to saving the world.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 2'' [2.41]===
:'''Joe''': Cody and I will do the heave, you guys do the ho. And heave!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Go!
:'''Joe''': I didn't say go, I said ho!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Joe?
:'''Joe''': No! Ho! Ho! Ho!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Hey, Grandpa, why didn't you bring Grandma along?
:'''Michel''': She was finishing some plumbing work in the kitchen. Anyway, whenever we go for a ride on this thing, she always insists on driving.
:'''T.K.''': I understand.
:'''Michel''': Besides, I have a strange feeling things are going to get a little rough tonight. This calls for someone tough and dominating!
:'''Tai''': Sounds to me like she's right for the job.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 3'' [2.42]===
:'''Ken''': He... called me a punk.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Is that a ring in your nose or is that an allergic reaction?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': He may be a goofy little glow-worm, but that light was a great idea.
:'''Wormmon''': Geniuses are always misunderstood.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': I feel so helpless...but the only Russian I know...
:'''Yolei''': Wait, you know some Russian words?
:'''Sora''': Yeah, pirozhki and borscht.
:'''Yolei''': Terrific. So you're in charge of ordering for us in a restaurant.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ilya''': It was nice meeting you. You two are very resourceful. Lesser girls than you would've crumbled like a stale pirozhki!
:'''Sora''': Goodbye, Ilya! Keep busy!
:'''Davis''': All right then, let's go grab Kari and Izzy in Hong Kong and then head home, I need a serious nap!
:'''Yolei''': Wait, we can't go home!
:'''Ken''': It's almost Christmas morning. If we're not home in time to open our presents, our parents are going to get suspicious.
:'''Yolei''': No! I wanted pirozhki and borscht!
:'''Davis''': What's wrong with an old-fashioned riceball?
:'''Sora''': But Yuri was taking us out to dinner!
:'''Matt''': Yuri?
:''(Yolei, Sora, Biyomon, and Hawkmon all burst into tears.)''
:'''Davis''': This is embarassing. Come on, everybody, let's get out of here before their eyelids freeze together!
===''Invasion of the Daemon Corps'' [2.43]===
===''Dark Sun, Dark Spore'' [2.44]===
===''The Dark Gate'' [2.45]===
===''Duel of the WarGreymon'' [2.46]===
===''BlackWarGreymon's Destiny'' [2.47]===
:'''Agumon''': Thank you, BlackWarGreymon. You're a true friend and I'll never forget you.
===''Oikawa's Shame'' [2.48]===
:'''Tai''': Be very quiet, Agumon. We can't let her know we're here.
:'''Agumon''': I am being very quiet.
:'''Tai''': Well, you're not being very invisible. Get back here.
:'''Agumon''': Hmph! Being a spy would be easier if we didn't have to do so much spying.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Hi, Izzy, honey, it's mom! I'm down in Highton View Terrace.
:'''Izzy''': Aaahh! ''[sees his mother calling from a phone booth near the DigiDestined's stakeout location]'' Mom, what are you doing here?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Well, I was just thinking of how all the other parents doing their part helping out you kids, you know with lending their own expertise. So I sat right down and asked myself what's my expertise? And the answer is: snacks. So I made you some PB and J with the crusts cut off.
:'''Izzy''': PB and J? Mom...
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': I know how you hate the crusts.
:'''Izzy''': Ohhh... okay, hold on, I'll be down in a minute.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Okay, bye!
:'''Izzy''': ''[hangs up, turns to his friends, embarrassed]'' My mom. I'll be right back, guys.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': He's changing!
:'''T.K.''': But into Myotismon or VenomMyotismon?
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Actually... you can call me MaloMyotismon!
===''The Last Temptation of the DigiDestined'' [2.49]===
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Impossible! There's not a single child in the world that doesn't have something they're worried about!
:'''Davis''': Well, you just met one! Congratulations, big and ugly! I guess you should go back to your magic act! Now if we're through chit chatting, I'd like to get back to the part where we put you away! I'm sick of monsters like you always trying to take over the world. It's over. We're not going to let you hurt any more people!
===''A Million Points of Light'' [2.50]===
:'''Tai''': It's so dark, and it'll be like this forever if we can't stop MaloMyotismon! No! I can't give up hope! There are too many people depending on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''MaloMyotismon''': The dying of the light, and no one to rage against it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey, I've got an idea! Digi-port open! Please?
:'''Matt''': Guess our parents were wrong; that isn't the magic word.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Palmon''': We have to fight him, Mimi, but I need your help!
:'''Mimi''': I'm right here for you, Palmon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Wow, wait a minute, look at this!
:'''All''': Huh?
:'''Joe''': More bad news?
:'''Izzy''': Gates are opening all over the world! Look you guys, it's lighting up like a modem rotor in full pulse mode!
:'''Matt''': Well, if that looks like a Christmas tree lighting up, I'd have to agree with you.
:'''Sora''': The light from the gates is cutting through MaloMyotismon's blanket of darkness!
:'''Izzy''': It must be coming from digivices all over the planet!
:'''Matt''': Just think, millions of kids are banding together to take a stand against MaloMyotismon right now! It doesn't matter where they live or what language they speak, they all knew that they had to unite against the darkness. Had to fight it no matter how futile it may have seemed.
:'''Tai''': I knew that MaloMyotismon couldn't win that easily! The whole world is fighting him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[last lines of the series]'' So, you can see we're still having adventures. They're just a little different from the ones we used to have when we were kids. The darkness has not been conquered, and it will continue to fight against the light forever, but as long as people remember to follow their dreams, evil will be kept at bay. And on days like today, it's hard to see any darkness anywhere. Now it's up to our children, and to children everywhere, to follow their dreams. Who knows where they'll end up, but the only way to find out is to take that first step into adventure.
==''Digimon Adventure tri.''==
===''Reunion'' [3.01]===
===''Determination'' [3.02]===
===''Confession'' [3.03]===
===''Loss'' [3.04]===
===''Coexistence'' [3.05]===
===''Future'' [3.06]===
==Films==
===''Digimon: The Movie''===
:'''Kari''': Being a Digidestined means that sometimes you have to save the world, even if you're the one who caused the problem.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai Kamiya''': [typing an email] "Dear Sora, I'm sorry about what happened. I haven't felt this bad since the time I accidentally threw up in your hat and didn't tell you about it before you put it on. I know our relationship has been a little stormy lately. You say you love thundershowers, so what's a few raindrops between friends? Love, Tai."
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': But my dad likes his mess where it is...
:'''Izzy''': We'll have more capability if we network our computers together.
:'''Tai''': Hey, Izzy. Why don't we just call up the Digimon on the screen and then hit delete?
:'''Izzy''': Don't you think I've tried that?
:'''Tai''': If this thing is so dangerous, maybe we should call someone important like the principal or Bill Gates, or someone?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': I'm one step ahead of you, Tai.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': I can't come over. You don't understand, the magician's coming over later and I already volunteered to be sawed in half.
:'''Tai''': Whatever. Just tell the half with feet to run home right away!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': You're going to need a password.
:'''Izzy''': You can use mine to get on the Internet. "Prodigious"!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Guys, the closest thing our grandmother has to computer is an egg timer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey Matt, who are all these weird people?
:'''Matt''': They're not weird, they're my best friends! ''[Quietly]'' Considering this is the only computer in town...
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Digimon]]
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'''''{{w|Digimon Adventure}}''''' is a 1999 Japanese anime television series created by Akiyoshi Hongo, and produced by Toei Animation in cooperation with WiZ, Bandai and Fuji Television. It is the first anime series in the [[Digimon]] franchise, based on the virtual pet series. The story centers on children called the DigiDestined who are transported into the Digital World by Digivices and partner with Digimon to save the world.
It was followed by a sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure 02}}''''' in 2000. It was later followed by a second sequel series, '''''{{w|Digimon Adventure tri.}}''''' in 2015.
==''Digimon Adventure''==
===''And So It Begins...'' [1.01]===
:'''Tai''': ''[first lines of the series]'' That's home. Planet Earth. But I'm not sure that's where I am right now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, by the way, my name's Tai. This is Sora. She's okay, for a girl. And Matt. Matt's too cool. Just look at that haircut! And this little kid is Izzy. He should have gone to computer camp. That's Mimi. I bet you can guess her favorite color on the first try. T.K. is Matt's dopey little brother. Oh, and this is Joe. But don't ever scare him. He'd probably wet his pants.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I'm gonna build the biggest snowman!
:'''Matt''': Hey T.K.! Be careful. Slow down!
:'''Sora''': Brr! It is freezing. And I didn't bring a jacket.
:'''Joe''': Man! I was worried I'd catch a summer cold. But this is even worse!
:'''Mimi''': Wow! Why didn't I pack my fluffy pink snow boots?
:'''Izzy''': Still not working. Bummer. This storm's making a mess of my infrared internet connection.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': That is the last time I eat camp food!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[at a cliff]'' Great! Anybody bring a helicopter?
===''The Birth of Greymon'' [1.02]===
:'''Tai''': When we get back, this is gonna make one great story... But of course, not a single soul will ever believe me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phone Operator''': Tomorrow's forecast calls for clear skies with occasional ice cream.
:'''Mimi''': What do you wear for that?
:'''Phone Operator''' This number only exists in your imagination. Please hang up, and don't call back.
:'''Matt''': What planet did I dial?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[sarcastically to Joe]'' I'm glad we never hear you complaining.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Whoa! He did it again! Now he's Greymon!
===''Garurumon'' [1.03]===
:'''T.K.''': Big Bro...you're the best!
===''Biyomon Gets Firepower'' [1.04]===
:'''Matt''': Moving right along, folks... keep it moving... Our next stop on the tour will be the forest of irrelevant road signs. No pictures, please.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': We're going to be okay, just keep moving along.
:'''Palmon''': My head is baking. If this goes on too much longer, I'm going to look like a wilted salad!
:'''Mimi''': ''[places her pink cowboy hat on Palmon's head]'' Here, you wear my hat for a while. You need it more than I do.
:'''Palmon''': Thank you Mimi.
:'''T.K.''': PU! What's that yucky smell?
:'''Matt''': Here's a thought. Now you know why they call them sweat socks!
:'''Mimi''': This beach would be a lot more popular if it had a lot more things, like an ocean, a gentle breeze, a snack bar, a hunky lifeguard, you know?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the village]'' Maybe they'll have hats for sale, half-off.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mimi''': Oh my! I would just love to take on home and put it on my bed with all my other stuffed animals!
:'''Matt''': There she goes again. Do you think Mimi hears the same things we hear? I'm not so sure anymore.
:'''Izzy''': Maybe she's an alien spy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Smells better than broccoli. Who knows, it might taste better.
:'''Matt''': Has anybody noticed? We talk a lot about food.
:'''Sora''': Nah, I'm not hungry.
:'''Joe''': I'm skipping this one too. I just don't like to eat on an empty stomach. Besides, I don't even know what that stuff is, but I'm sure I'm allergic to it.
===''Kabuterimon's Electro Shocker'' [1.05]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[recurring line]'' Prodigious!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': ''[to Tai]'' Too bad your brain isn't as big as your hair.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': Now that you boys have holes in your heads, maybe your brains will get more oxygen.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Or, we could stand here frozen until the monster gets us!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Boy, that's productive. This thing puts the pieces together, and then it takes them apart.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Oh, yeah? Just try it, you tin can!
:'''Joe''': Would you please stop taunting the deranged android?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Even more incredible, in Digiworld basic data and simple living information are a living viable substance. It's alive!
===''Togemon in Toy Town'' [1.06]===
:'''Agumon''': Now let's try some solo performances, starting with Mimi.
:'''Tai''': Mimi?
:'''Sora''': Mimi?
:'''Matt''': Singing?
:'''Mimi''': ''[Singing badly]'' Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam...
:'''Joe''': Avoiding your drone.
:'''Mimi''': Oh come on I had singing lessons for three years.
:'''T.K''': Oh you did? Did it help?
:'''Izzy''': Mimi, you should get a refund. That's what I think.
===''Ikkakumon's Harpoon Torpedo'' [1.07]===
:'''Sora''': Cheer up. Tell me how you like your eggs and I'll do the best I can.
:'''Joe''': I prefer my eggs to be covered in salt and pepper, but I guess it doesn't really matter.
:'''Tai''': I like soy sauce.
:'''Matt''': How about salsa?
:'''Sora''': How about a reality check?
:'''Izzy''': I'll have mine with mustard and jellybeans, please.
:'''Matt''': How gross!
:'''T.K.''': Jellybeans. That sounds good.
:'''Mimi''': What? You're all weird! My favorite is eggs covered in maple syrup! Sometimes I like to eat them with cherries on top!
:'''Tai''': Now that's weird!
:'''T.K.''': But I bet it's good.
:'''Joe''': You guys are completely making me lose my appetite! I mean, come on. Jellybeans and cherries on eggs? That's just crazy talk! Salt and pepper is all they need. Keep it simple. That's always been my motto.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': ''[to Tai]'' Put your fists down when you talk to me and stop acting like you can bully your way into being the leader!
===''Evil Shows His Face'' [1.08]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Tai's map]'' No question, man, you are the dude of doodles!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Potato chips, chocolate chips, fish and chips, I'll have any kind of chips!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': Whenever my skin gets dirty, I just shed it.
:'''Izzy''': That would be difficult for me.
===''Subzero Ice Punch!'' [1.09]===
:'''Tai''': Sure, let's go for a hike. Then after that we'll hike. And then we can hike some more.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': I thought we'd never find you guys! It is sure lucky we met up with Frigimon.
:'''Matt''': Frosty the snowmon here?
:'''Tai''': Yep. This is him. He happened to see you two fall on this island, and then he got us here in no time.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Who are you calling a jerk, jerk?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Matt, Tai, quit it!
===''A Clue from the Digi-Past'' [1.10]===
===''The Dancing Digimon'' [1.11]===
:''[Joe catches Gomamon eating]''
:'''Joe''': Did I just hear you eating again?
:'''Gomamon''': Uh-huh.
:'''Joe''': Didn't I tell you not to eat all the food, since we don't know when we'll find land?! I told you that we need to ration, which means save food for later, as in much later.
:'''Gomamon''': But it ''is'' later Joe. You told me that 20 minutes ago.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner]'' 20 minutes is not much later! Please tell me there is still some food in the bag!
:'''Gomamon''': Well, no. Since you can't handle eating and floating on the ocean at the same time, I ate it all. Besides, I need food to Digivolve in case we run into bad Digimon.
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner again]'' So, have we seen any bad Digimon?! NO! If I starve, who are you gonna protect?! ''[he retches and heaves over the side of the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That's enough about food. Things'll get better soon. Hang in there buddy.
:''[both see a crate coming near the bed]''
:'''Gomamon''': That crate is gonna hit us!
:'''Joe''': Maybe it's full of fruit, vegetables, bread, milk, cereal, hot dogs, cookies, candy, and soda?
:'''Gomamon''': I wish!
:'''Joe''': ''[shakes his partner yet again]'' You wish?! We wouldn't need more food if you hadn't eaten ours!
:'''Gomamon''': You're strong when you're hungry!
:'''Joe''': Starvation is a good motivator. Looks like we'll need a jackhammer to open this.
===''DigiBaby Boom'' [1.12]===
:'''T.K.''': My parents are still mad at me, for the time I painted our kitty cat.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': I don't want to fight ever!
===''The Legend of the Digi-destined'' [1.13]===
:'''T.K.''': Hey! Let's play a game with the baby Digimon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': Okay, so you don’t wanna play any games.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[seeing Angemon for the first time]'' I wanna take him home with me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Angemon''': T.K., I'll come back again, if you want me to.
===''Departure for a New Continent'' [1.14]===
:'''Tai''': I have a foolproof plan: first we'll eat something, then after that... I'm open to suggestions!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': When we had to survive on our own, we grew up very fast... except for Joe, he just threw up very fast...
===''The Dark Network of Etemon'' [1.15]===
:'''Tai''': Never trust anything without feet!
===''The Arrival of Skullgreymon'' [1.16]===
===''The Crest of Sincerity'' [1.17]===
===''The Piximon Cometh'' [1.18]===
===''The Prisoner of the Pyramid'' [1.19]===
:'''Matt''': Computer guys can never just tell you something. They have to spend all day explaining it to you...
===''The Earthquake of MetalGreymon'' [1.20]===
:'''Tai''': Be ready when I give the signal.
:'''Izzy''': Roger.
:'''Mimi''': He forgot his name!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': A man must face himself before he can face his enemies.
===''Home Away from Home'' [1.21]===
===''Forget About It!'' [1.22]===
:'''Matt''': ''[To T.K. and Tokomon]'' Remember it's an amusement park, so like... amuse yourselves.
===''WereGarurumon's Diner'' [1.23]===
:'''Joe''': Tai, I'm so glad to see you, but don't break anything.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Agumon''': Then our friends must be nearby. It did the same thing we found T.K.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[angrily]'' How dare you say that, Matt! We're all friends here!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': You gotta believe me, Matt.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've been here long enough to pay for a trip to Hawaii!
:'''Digitamamon''': ''[Growing furiously]'' Hawaii is not on the schedule, but if you insist I'll send you to the moon! ''[Attacks]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[when Vegiemon attacks T.K.]'' That's going too far! I've had it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': After I accused him and yelled at him, he still risked himself for T.K. Joe. No!
===''No Questions, Please'' [1.24]===
===''Princess Karaoke'' [1.25]===
:'''Mimi''': So you thought you could pull a fast one on Princess Mimi did you?
:'''Tai''': That's Princess Meanie!
===''Sora's Crest of Love'' [1.26]===
:'''Matt''': ''[on Sora]'' If she wants to cry, let her.
===''The Gateway to Home'' [1.27]===
:'''Tai''': Did you find anything down there, Izzy?
:'''Tentomon''': You could say that, Tai, but the thing is we're up here and you're down there.
:'''Agumon''': I think you guys may need glasses. We're way up here above you.
:'''Izzy''': But that can't be! That's scientifically impossible!
===''It's All in the Cards'' [1.28]===
:''[When they first meet Gennai]''
:'''Mimi''': HOW COME YOU CALLED US THE DIGIDESTINED?!
:'''Gennai''': I'm old, not deaf!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': ''[looking at a picture of Gomamon]'' Alright, look at Gomamon!
:'''Gomamon''': I'm cuter in person.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gennai''': You must never forget that you are the Digidestined.
:'''Joe''': I'll never forget this stomachache.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Koromon''': How did you know my card was the fake, Tai?
:'''Tai''': I didn't. I kept your card because you're my friend.
:'''Koromon''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, how nice.
===''Return to Highton View Terrace'' [1.29]===
:'''Sora''': There are millions of kids like us in the world.
:'''Biyomon''': You mean there are millions of Soras?
:'''Sora''': ''[yelling]'' There's only one of me!
===''Almost Home Free'' [1.30]===
:'''Mimi''': ''[about the money the group had]'' Whoops, we went and spent it all.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[after their lame attempts at hitchhiking]'' Not so easy is it, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Well, at least my cat's not stuck in a tree!
===''The Eighth Digivice'' [1.31]===
===''Gatomon Comes Calling'' [1.32]===
:'''Tai''': ''[looking at Agumon in his poor disguise]'' Yeah. That's real inconspicuous.
===''Out on the Town'' [1.33]===
:'''Gotsumon''': ''[Pumpkinmon runs right into a teenager who falls down on the ground]'' Wow, you hit down some kind of monster!
:'''Pumpkinmon''': Even worse, I think I hit down a teenager!
===''The Eighth Child Revealed'' [1.34]===
:'''Myotismon''': ''[To Wizardmon]'' Did you really think you could betray me and get away with it?
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[Protecting Gatomon]'' How could I betray you? I was never on your side to start with!
===''Flower Power'' [1.35]===
===''City Under Siege'' [1.36]===
:'''Gomamon''': ''[popping out of Joe's gym bag]'' Ta-da! Fresh air.
===''Wizardmon's Gift'' [1.37]===
:'''Tai''': You've picked on the wrong guy's little sister, Mr. Fang-Face!
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:'''Kari''': ''[after Wizardmon sacrifices himself to save her and Gatomon]'' Wizardmon, you're gonna be all right. Please don't leave! Wizardmon!
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[weakly]'' Are you all right, Gatomon?
:'''Gatomon''': ''[in tears]'' You saved me. I'm sorry.
:'''Wizardmon''': About what?
:'''Gatomon''': I'm sorry that I got you involved in this.
:'''Wizardmon''': Don't be sorry. I don't have any regrets. If I wouldn't met you, my life would have no meaning. I'm glad you and I were friends.
:'''Gatomon''': That's forever.
:'''Wizardmon''': ''[last words]'' Thank you for everything, Gatomon.
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:'''Angewomon''': Myotismon. You've tried to destroy the Digidestined and attempted to conquer Earth. In doing so, you have ruined the lives of Digimon and humans alike. How can you justify yourself?
:'''Myotismon''': I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you! It is my destiny to plunge this world into darkness and become king of the Digital World! And no angel or Digimon has the power to stop me!
:'''Angemon''': Myotismon, don't you have any regrets for the things you have done?
:'''Myotismon''': Hmph. Nightmare-
:'''Angewomon''': Heaven's Charm!
:'''Myotismon''': Ugh!
:'''MetalGreymon''': My power! It's...it's growing!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Now!
:'''Garudamon''': Everyone, give your power to Angewomon!
:'''MetalKabuterimon''': Horn Buster!
:'''Lillymon''': Flower Cannon!
:'''Zudomon''': Vulcan's Hammer!
:'''WereGarurumon''': Wolf Claw!
:'''Garudamon''': Wing Blade!
:'''MetalGreymon''': Giga Blaster!
:'''Angemon''': Hand of Fate!
:'''Angewomon''': Celestial Arrow!
:'''Myotismon''': Don't! Uuu... ARGH!
===''Prophecy'' [1.38]===
:'''Gennai''': The sky will be darkened by the wings of many bats. The fallen people will invoke the name of the undead Digimon king and when the clock strikes the hour of the beast, the undead king will reveal himself in his true form as the beast. Then angels will shoot arrows of hope and light at the loved ones of those they've been sent to protect, and a miracle will happen. Please always recycle.
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:'''Tentomon''': It's quite simple really. Let me explain. Say I'm kind of a guardian angel. Whose guardian angel am I? Yours. And who do you love more than anyone in the world?
:'''Izzy''': Hey, I was getting to that! My mom and dad, of course.
:'''Tentomon''': Exactly, but T.K. and Kari not only have moms and dads, they have something else too.
:'''Izzy's Father''': They have ''brothers''.
:'''Tentomon''': In a word, bingo!
:'''Izzy''': Why would you want them shooting arrows at your loved ones? Sounds kind of dangerous to me.
:'''Izzy's Mother''': They're angels, Izzy. Maybe they're like Cupid, he was sort of like an angel. When he shot arrows, they were arrows of love.
:'''Izzy''': Mom, isn't that a little corny?
:'''Tentomon''': It may be corny, but I believe it. All we have to do is get Angemon and Angewomon to hit you guys with their arrows of ''love''.
:'''Izzy''': Hey! Let's not be too hasty here!
:'''Matt''': Well, what do you think?
:'''Tai''': It's worth a shot. Kari!
:'''Matt''': T.K.!
:'''T.K.''': You sure you wanna?
:'''Tai''': Let's see these arrows of hope and light!
:'''Matt''': You two have got to get them to shoot at us.
:'''Tai''': They'll only do it if you tell them to.
:'''Kari''': You really want them to shoot you?
:'''T.K.''': What if you get, like, dead or something?
:'''Matt''': Never happen.
:'''Kari''': Okay. Angewomon!
:'''T.K.''': Angemon, listen up! I know this maybe sounds crazy but shoot Matt and Tai with your arrows.
:'''Kari''': You too, Angewomon.
:'''Angemon''': He's right.
:'''Angewomon''': Sounds crazy, but...
:'''Gabumon''': Wait! You sure about this?
:'''Agumon''': What if that prophecy's all wrong?
:'''Tai''': You guys want a miracle to happen or not?
:'''Matt''': Yeah, miracles require a little faith. Scared, Tai?
:'''Tai''': No, no at all. How 'bout you, Matt?
:'''Matt''': Course not! Piece of cake! ''[Matt takes Tai's hand]'' But maybe I'll just hang onto you to make sure you don't chicken out or anything.
:'''Tai''': Yeah. right. I'll do the same for you, buddy. ''[Their crests start to glow]''
:'''Angemon''': One miracle...!
:'''Angewomon''': ...comin' up!
===''The Battle for Earth'' [1.39]===
===''Enter the Dark Masters'' [1.40]===
===''Sea-Sick and Tired'' [1.41]===
:'''Tai''': Look, the fog's finally clearing.
:'''Joe''': Great, now we can clearly see that we're lost.
:'''Izzy''': It's more productive to think of ourselves as we're on our way, Joe.
:'''Matt''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, I feel better already.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Matt''': Did it get brighter all of the sudden, or is it just Tai's sunny disposition?
<hr width="50%">
:'''MetalSeadramon''': Ha! Farewell, DigiDestined, it was a rare pleasure knowing you... ''medium rare''!
===''Under Pressure'' [1.42]===
:'''Sora''': I wonder how they took over the Digital World in the first place? Do you remember, Whamon?
:'''Whamon''': Of course I remember Whamon! Big fella, snappy dresser... oh, you mean the Dark Masters.
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:'''Metalseadramon''': This my moment to shine! Does my hair look alright?
<hr width="50%">
:'''Tai''': Oh, c'mon, do you think I'm too brainless to understand?
:'''Izzy''': Yes, but I'll tell you anyway.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Divermon''': You, in the big whale, pull over!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Gomamon''': Whamon is built to handle pressure! Unlike some of us.
:'''Joe''': Well, forgive me for not being a ''whale''.
===''Playing Games'' [1.43]===
:'''Matt''': Enough. Why don't you stop and think about other people's feelings for a change?
:'''Tai''': Huh? What are you talking about?
:'''Matt''': We all know you're right, Tai, but just give us a little space.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''Matt''': We miss our friends who fought alongside of us. Not everyone has ice running through their veins like you do.
:'''Tai''': Wha?
:'''T.K.''': Calm down.
:'''Matt''': You're so busy looking forward, that you never take time to look back. We've lost some good friends here, Tai and it's nice to remember them once in awhile.
:'''Tai''': If we always stop to do that, we'll never have enough time to save the world.
:'''Matt''': You still don't get it. I know you hear me, but you're not listening.
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:'''T.K.''': How boring. I'm not having any fun at all!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[aghast]'' What? I'm the life of the party...I put the "fun" in fungus.
:'''T.K.''': ''[scoffs]'' HA! You just play the same game over and over again... boring!
:'''Puppetmon''': ''[distraught]'' I'm not boring!
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:'''Joe''': This is the first time I've been car sick without a car!
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:''[Joe is doubled up on the floor in pain and clutching his stomach]''
:'''Kari''': Joe, what is it?
:'''Joe''': My stomach.
:'''Kari''': What's wrong does it hurt?
:'''Joe''': No. I'm just doing this 'cause it's fun.
===''Trash Day'' [1.44]===
:'''Matt''': I finally got it figured out. If I'm ever gonna change, I have to do it on my own. On my own. The others can't help me.
:'''Cherrymon''': Well, well, well. Look what we've got here. Greetings, nature lovers. What's the matter? Never seen a talking tree?
:'''Matt''': Not many.
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:'''Cherrymon''': Behold the face of your rival!
:'''Matt''': So you're saying... I have to fight Tai, is that it? ''[laughs]'' Nice try, foliage face! You had me going there! You'll have to do better than that!
:'''Cherrymon''': I had nothing to do with it. The Lake of Truth reflects only what is in a person's heart, hence the name.
:'''Matt''': You gotta be kidding.
:'''Cherrymon''': Sorry, kid. It's never wrong.
:'''Matt''': That right? Well, I got news for you. It's off this time, way off!
===''The Ultimate Clash'' [1.45]===
:'''Agumon''': Bug up the nose? That's a bad thing?
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:'''T.K.''': Matt, I'm gonna tell Mom that you were fighting!
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:'''Mimi''': I'm gonna sit here and stare at the flowers until everyone starts getting along.
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:'''Gatomon''': What in the DigiWorld is she doing?
:'''Izzy''': ''[on Kari]'' She appears to be conversing with herself.
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:'''Joe''': Ahh! Piedmon is here! Don't come any closer! Shoo! Go away!
:'''Gomamon''': Relax! It's just an image.
:'''Sora''': Yeah, save your screaming for the real thing.
===''Etemon's Comeback Tour'' [1.46]===
===''Ogremon's Honor'' [1.47]===
===''My Sister's Keeper'' [1.48]===
:'''Izzy''': Hey, Tai! This isn't your normal behavior.
:'''Tai''': It's Kari, she almost died once before because of me.
:'''Izzy, Tentomon and Agumon''': Huh!?
:'''Tai''': It happened when she was four or five, just a little kid. She stayed home from kindergarten one day because she was sick. I mean, I knew she was sick, but all I could think about on the way home was playing soccer.
:'''Young Tai''': Hey, I'm home!
:'''Tai''': I wanted to go out and play, but I didn't want to leave her by herself, so I took her outside with me. She seemed okay, really she did.
:'''Young Tai''': Now watch me, just like that. ''[Kari kicks the ball in the wrong direction]'' No, that's not right ''[sees that Kari has collapsed]'' ...Kari? Kari!
:'''Mrs. Kamiya''': ''[after slapping Young Tai in the face]'' What could you have been thinking!? You knew she was sick! ''[begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': She ended up with pneumonia, or something. She almost didn't make it, but what really kills me is what she said when they brought her home from the hospital. The first words out of her mouth...
:'''Young Kari''': Tai, I'm sorry I can't kick the ball very good. You'll probably never want to play with me again. ''[Young Tai begins to cry]''
:'''Tai''': That's her, that's Kari. She never thinks about herself. It doesn't matter if she feels bad or if she's bummed out about other stuff, she's always worried about the other kids. She wouldn't be sick, she'd be just fine if she never came to this stupid place, but she came because she knew that we needed her help. She never thought about what she wanted. She never does!
===''The Crest of Light'' [1.49]===
:'''Sora''': I don't care what you're faster than! As long as you're faster than a gigantic, rolling teddy bear!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': My light will guide us toward the others.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': Tentomon digivolve to... Kabu never mind...
:'''Agumon''': Agumon digivolve to... Greymon! Greymon! Greymon, yeah, I'm Greymon! I'm big and I'm bad...
===''Joe's Battle'' [1.50]===
:'''Mimi''': Everyone's being so nice, so sweet!
:'''Palmon''': Must be because of your charming personality!
:'''Ogremon''': Something tells me we should just nod our heads and go along.
:'''Meramon''': Yeah, right.
:'''Gomamon''': Come on, admit it Joe! Say it! She's charming!
:'''Joe''': ''[blushing]'' SHE'S NOT CHARMING! I mean she is! I'm... not going to have this conversation!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Joe''': Tai knows what he's doing. He knows where he fits in, and so do you. So do the others. But I don't! Look, I know that we're in for the fight of our lives, and part of me knows that I should stay and help. But I...I want you to count on me. If I'm unreliable, then Gomamon can't fully Digivolve. We're like circus clowns, we just get in the way. Don't look at me like that, you know it's true! I'm gonna figure this out! They don't call me old reliable for nothing!
:'''Gomamon''': But they don't.
:'''Joe''': I'll ignore that.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The fight between Angewomon and LadyDevimon has become a comical catfight. The guys all stare]''
:'''Tai''': Wow... Look at 'em go.
:'''Izzy''': I know I shouldn't be watching, but I can't take my eyes off them.
:'''Kari''': Get her Angewomon! That's right! Knock that witch's block off! Go!
===''The Crest of Friendship'' [1.51]===
:'''Matt''': I've been living a lie.
:'''Gabumon''': You're not a real blonde?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': I've never let anyone ever get close to me before. Not since my family split up. Ever since then, I've been alone. I figured if my family didn't want me, that I would just keep to myself and never tell anyone what I was feeling, and I swore I would never let anyone see me cry. But really all I wanted to do was cry.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[Being held at eye level by Matt]'' Gee, Matt, you look different, have you done something with your hair?
:'''Matt''': ''[deadpan]'' No, I'm just not using as much hair gel that's all.
===''Piedmon's Last Jest'' [1.52]===
:''[about Piedmon]''
:'''Joe''': He made them all disappear.
:'''Tentomon''': Well, at least he didn't saw them in half.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': What kinda sicko turns people into keychains?
:'''Piedmon''': I'm not a sicko. I'm a collector, and these new items have such sentimental value to me.
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:'''Piedmon''': Chew on this! ''[attacks]''
:'''MagnaAngemon''': I'm not hungry.
===''Now Apocalymon'' [1.53]===
:'''Apocalymon''': Do you think it's fair that I have to live with all this agony? Why should you get to laugh, while I am forced to cry? Why do you get to taste the best that life has to offer, while all I do is choke on its leftovers? Answer me this! WHY DO ALL OF YOU GET THE PIZZA, WHILE I GET THE CRUST?!
:'''Mimi''': Aah, I can't take all these metaphors!
:'''Izzy''': Boy, this guy really holds a grudge.
:'''Apocalymon''': I will rule the world and plunge it into darkness, so that I don't have to be alone anymore in my misery! ''[laughs madly]'' Wait a minute, what am I laughing at? I'm supposed to be depressed!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': We've sacrificed too much to give up now!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': You're looking at the new and improved DigiDestined!
===''The Fate of Two Worlds'' [1.54]===
:'''Izzy''': ''[To Tentomon]'' I love you.
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:'''Tai''': ''[last lines in the series]'' Our adventure in the Digital World might be over for now, but that gate won't stay closed forever. I have a feeling that this won't be the last time we see our pals, the Digimon! You wait and see. One day, that portal will open up again and we'll return to the Digital World! I wonder if Agumon will remember me? I know I'll never forget him, or the rest of the Digimon! None of us will!
==''Digimon Adventure 02''==
===''Enter Flamedramon'' [2.01]===
===''The Digiteam Complete'' [2.02]===
:'''Yolei''': This helmet makes my glasses look smaller!
===''A New Digitude'' [2.03]===
:'''Davis''': Hey, it's getting pretty dark in these woods. Here, Kari, I'll hold your hand so you won't get scared.
:'''Kari''': I'm not scared.
:'''T.K.''': And it's not her hand... it's mine.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Patamon''': I thought that cats were always supposed to land on their feet!
:'''Gatomon''': Oh, shut up.
===''Iron Vegiemon'' [2.04]===
:'''Davis''': Let's go, T.A.!
:'''T.K.''': T.A.?
:'''Kari''': He forgot how to spell T.K.!
===''Old Reliable'' [2.05]===
===''Family Picnic'' [2.06]===
===''Guardian Angel'' [2.07]===
===''Ken's Secret'' [2.08]===
:'''Yolei''': ''[about Ken]'' I didn't say I wanted to kiss him, duh, I just wanna marry him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': ''[to Davis]'' You can do it, and even if you can't, we won't think any less of you, man!
===''The Emperor's New Home'' [2.09]===
:'''Kari''': His smile makes him look so gentle.
:'''T.K.''': Yeah, but his hair makes him look a bit like you, Kari.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': Let's go get that evil, cute guy!
===''The Captive Digimon'' [2.10]===
:'''Davis''': Sorry I'm late. I was supposed to get a haircut but when I looked in the mirror, I realized my hair was already perfect.
:'''Yolei''': The only thing is he was staring in the mirror for over an hour.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tentomon''': And don't touch my tree! I know exactly how many pieces of bark are on it.
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:'''Ken''': What could you digivolve into? A giant butterfly with scary looking wings?
===''Storm of Friendship'' [2.11]===
:'''Kari''': ''[on the Digiegg]'' It looks like a flip-flop with a bent nail in it.
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:'''Matt''': Ugh, I'm sick of your babbling! You're the only one who hasn't tried yet, so just get in there!
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:'''Davis''': See that guys? I got a noogie! It means I'm one of the guys now!
:'''Demiveemon''': Davis? If you're one of the guys now, does that means you were one of the girls before? Why can't you humans ever make up your minds? I'm so confused...
===''The Good, the Bad, and the Digi'' [2.12]===
:'''Deputymon''': I just love cards. Credits cards, greeting cards, you name it!
:'''Yolei''': What a show off! After a couple of hands, let's try to sneak away!
:'''Sora''': Maybe we can get him to fall asleep by talking him into playing Canasta!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': So what have you got, Cody?
:'''Cody''': I've got two pair. A pair of aces, and another pair of Aces. Is that good?
:'''Sora''': That beats us all!
===''His Master's Voice'' [2.13]===
:'''Gatomon''': ''[Before jumping off cliff to get to Kari]'' Eh, what the heck. I've got nine lives.
===''The Samurai of Sincerity'' [2.14]===
===''Big Trouble in Little Edo'' [2.15]===
:''[After Davis makes an unamusing joke about cutting ShogunGekomon's hair]''
:'''Kari''': Davis, sometimes you're so insensitive.
:'''Davis''': ''[jumps around flailing his arms]'' I'm so sensitive that I use a special toothpaste so my teeth don't hurt when I eat ice cream! Aah!
:''[Kari giggles and laughs]''
===''20,000 Digi-Leagues Under the Sea'' [2.16]===
===''Ghost of a Chance'' [2.17]===
:'''Matt''': First I'll take a little stroll over to our old refrigerator and take a peek at what's not expired...
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:'''Matt''': ''[The recipe for something really hot he's cooked up for him and T.K.]'' It's a secret but I'll tell you... A little bit of hot sauce, a little wasabi and a mystery meat I found in the freezer covered in green fuzz!
===''Run Yolei Run'' [2.18]===
===''An Old Enemy Returns'' [2.19]===
:'''Ken''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, it's not that funny!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': You will bow down before me.
:'''T.K.''': Sorry, the floor's kind of dirty.
:'''Ken''': You will listen to me! ''[whips him]''
:'''T.K.''': When you can't think of anything to say, do you always resort to fighting?
:'''Ken''': I guess...
:'''T.K.''': That's your problem. You don't know when to talk and when to fight. Now's a good time to talk. On the other hand... it's also a good time to fight! ''[punches Ken]''
===''The Darkness Before Dawn'' [2.20]===
:'''Davis''': I just can't forget what happened. We had to sit around and watch as this mix-n-match monster destroyed everything, and it didn't matter who got in his way. I don't know about the rest of you, but I can't stand by and let that happen again! And if none of you wanna go with me, then I'm going in alone because I refuse to give up until this thing is completely destroyed once and for all!
===''The Crest of Kindness'' [2.21]===
:'''Ken''': ''[realizing his cruelties to Digimon were real]'' I'm a monster! I can't believe what I've done!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': Wormmon, I'm sorry. Don't go... You're my best friend.
:'''Wormmon''': ''[last words]'' You're my best friend too. Goodbye Ken.
===''Davis Cries Wolfmon'' [2.22]===
:'''Davis''': Alright, if you're gonna destroy me, then will you please proceed to wash your hands first? I like to keep things clean.
:'''Veemon''': Good thing he hasn't seen your room...
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Veemon''': Davis, please tell me this is just another trick!
:'''Davis''': Do you think I'm smart enough to think up something like this?!
:'''Veemon''': Good point!
===''Genesis of Evil'' [2.23]===
:'''Ken''': ''[after his brother dies]'' Sam, I didn't mean it. I was just mad when I said I wanted you to disappear.
===''If I had a Tail Hammer'' [2.24]===
===''Spirit Needle'' [2.25]===
===''United We Stand'' [2.26]===
:'''Ken''': Hero time, Wormmon!
===''Fusion Confusion'' [2.27]===
:'''T.K.''': There's no way they'll get through all this rubble.
:'''Yolei''': Uh, I suppose Ken and Davis just didn't hear you, T.K.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': The warp is returning to normal. Oh, but my stiff neck isn't. I got to learn not to get so excited.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': Sometimes I wish he weren't so smart so he didn't have so much to tell us.
:'''DigiDestined''': Davis!
:'''Davis''': I'm sorry, but it hurts my brain to hold all that information!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Davis''': I don't understand what's wrong with Ken. I'd want to be friends with me.
:'''Chibomon''': Don't worry, I'm sure he'll see how great it is to be friends with you and how great it is to DNA digivolve with me! That was fun!
:'''Davis''': That was some fight. But what if Ken never comes back again?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': I was afraid you'd disappear forever, Leafmon, when you DNA digivolved with Chibomon...
:'''Leafmon''': But I liked it.
:'''Ken''': Huh?
:'''Leafmon''': It made me feel like we were needed again, part of something big.
:'''Ken''': I don't know, maybe they could be my friends.
:'''Leafmon''': Urgh, Ken, you're sleeping on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Um, Izzy? What happened to that friend of yours, Tento?
:'''T.K.''': It's Tento''mon''.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Tentomon, then.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, well, see, he, uh... ''[laughs nervously]''
===''The Insect Master's Trap'' [2.28]===
===''Arukenimon's Tangled Web'' [2.29]===
:'''Ken''': ''[grabs Cody by the leg mid-fall]'' I've got you Cody!
:'''Cody''': A-a-are you sure!? You're not just pulling my leg, are you!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': Play that funky music now, girl!
:'''Kari''': Name that tune!
===''Ultimate Anti-Hero'' [2.30]===
===''Opposites Attract'' [2.31]===
===''If I Only had a Heart'' [2.32]===
===''A Chance Encounter'' [2.33]===
===''Destiny in Doubt'' [2.34]===
:'''Yolei''': Oh, hi Izzy, great timing. Just hold on... ''(She jumps out of the picture and reappears holding a dishcloth.)'' I got you a decorative dishcloth. Cute, huh?
:'''Izzy''': Yeah, thanks Yolei, and I have a gift for you guys, too.
:'''Yolei''': You hate the towel, right?
:'''Izzy''': I've written an algorithm for the D3 and D-Terminal. Once I transfer it in, you'll be able to use the D-Terminal to see the rift in the plane. ''(He punches some buttons on his laptop.)'' There we go.
:'''T.K.''': Wow, Izzy, this is great! We can use this to track down BlackWarGreymon!
:'''Izzy''': Well it's the least I could do, after Yolei got me that neat towel!
:'''Yolei''': So you do like the towel! Yay!
===''Cody Takes a Stand'' [2.35]===
===''Stone Soup'' [2.36]===
===''Kyoto Dragon'' [2.37]===
:'''BlackWarGreymon''': I'm going to a place where all things get lost.
:'''Davis''': You should try my sock drawer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Arukenimon''': Oh, don't go anywhere. I'll be back to destroy you in a minute.
:'''Mummymon''': Ditto that.
:'''Davis''': Destiny Stones can break my bones, but you guys are real losers!
===''A Very Digi-Christmas'' [2.38]===
:'''Ken''': ''[thinking sarcastically]'' Thanks a lot Davis. Great, no pressure.
:'''Davis''': Come on guys! Gather round! ''[they do]''
:'''Ken''': Ahem. I request the honor of your presence at a holiday celebration. That is...
:'''T.K.''': Say no more. You're having a Christmas party. We're in!
:'''Veemon''': Hey Ken, can we come?
:'''Ken''': Of course! Maybe you'll even catch Gatomon under the mistletoe! ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Cody still hates me. Well, here it goes.
:'''Cody''': ''[Thinking]'' It looks like Ken still hates me. Well, here he comes.
:'''Ken''': Here you go, Cody. You're invited, too.
:'''Cody''': Really? I'm glad I made your list!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Yolei''': I hate Go Fish. Can't we play something else?
:'''Davis''': Sure, let's play strip-
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': Come on, Davis! Can't we move any faster?
:'''Davis''': Don't be a backseat driver, Ken!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ken''': This Christmas party was a bad idea... I should forget the whole thing. But what am I going to do with all that eggnog?
===''Dramon Power'' [2.39]===
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 1'' [2.40]===
:'''Cody''': Why do they call this place "Down Under"?
:'''Joe''': I don't know. I don't speak Australian.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Uh, don't tell me we're moving again. I don't want to change jobs again and I'm sure Mimi doesn't want to change schools, do you Mimi? Huh? What's this? "Dear Mom and Dad. Running away from monsters with you is tons of fun, but I forgot to do something very important. I'll catch up with you later. Love Mimi"? Mimi!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Where are all the monsters? What happened? Come on, kid, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Davis''': Uh, well, there's a simple explanation. Uh, anybody got one?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Well, son, I'm waiting.
:'''Davis''': Uh. ''(thinking)'' ''Come on, Davis, think of something. You're not as dumb like everyone says. Think!'' ''(aloud)'' What monsters?
:'''Mr. Tachikawa''': Huh?
:'''Davis''': I don't see any monsters around here. ''(laughs)'' ''(thinking)'' ''Nice going. When in doubt, deny, deny, deny. Who says I'm so dumb?''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': Izzy, explain to them about being DigiDestined.
:'''Izzy''': Well, you're a part of a fraternal society...
:'''MegaKabuterimon''': Izzy, how many times do I have to tell you: when explaining things, keep it simple.
:'''Izzy''': Oh, yeah. Uh, let me start over. You're digivice carrying titans destined to save the Digital World. Simple?
:'''Kari''': ''[sighs]''
:'''Izzy''': Still don't get it? Well, I could explain it better if I had visual aids to work with, but I left my charts and graphs at home. How am I supposed to function under these primitive conditions!?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Poi Brother 3''': Watch your spelling, Octomon. There's going to be a quiz later.
:'''Chinese general''': Huh? We come in peace? Sergeant, I think we've landed in the middle of a B movie. Only one thing to do. This isn't going to look good on my resume.
:'''Chinese soldier''': No, sir.
:'''Chinese general''': Let's keep this maneuver our little secret.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Chinese soldier''': Are you sure it's a good idea to let them cross, general?
:'''Chinese general''': Yes. We're all part of the same army when it comes to saving the world.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 2'' [2.41]===
:'''Joe''': Cody and I will do the heave, you guys do the ho. And heave!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Go!
:'''Joe''': I didn't say go, I said ho!
:'''Ikkakumon''': Joe?
:'''Joe''': No! Ho! Ho! Ho!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K''': Hey, Grandpa, why didn't you bring Grandma along?
:'''Michel''': She was finishing some plumbing work in the kitchen. Anyway, whenever we go for a ride on this thing, she always insists on driving.
:'''T.K.''': I understand.
:'''Michel''': Besides, I have a strange feeling things are going to get a little rough tonight. This calls for someone tough and dominating!
:'''Tai''': Sounds to me like she's right for the job.
===''Digimon World Tour, Part 3'' [2.42]===
:'''Ken''': He... called me a punk.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Is that a ring in your nose or is that an allergic reaction?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': He may be a goofy little glow-worm, but that light was a great idea.
:'''Wormmon''': Geniuses are always misunderstood.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Sora''': I feel so helpless...but the only Russian I know...
:'''Yolei''': Wait, you know some Russian words?
:'''Sora''': Yeah, pirozhki and borscht.
:'''Yolei''': Terrific. So you're in charge of ordering for us in a restaurant.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ilya''': It was nice meeting you. You two are very resourceful. Lesser girls than you would've crumbled like a stale pirozhki!
:'''Sora''': Goodbye, Ilya! Keep busy!
:'''Davis''': All right then, let's go grab Kari and Izzy in Hong Kong and then head home, I need a serious nap!
:'''Yolei''': Wait, we can't go home!
:'''Ken''': It's almost Christmas morning. If we're not home in time to open our presents, our parents are going to get suspicious.
:'''Yolei''': No! I wanted pirozhki and borscht!
:'''Davis''': What's wrong with an old-fashioned riceball?
:'''Sora''': But Yuri was taking us out to dinner!
:'''Matt''': Yuri?
:''(Yolei, Sora, Biyomon, and Hawkmon all burst into tears.)''
:'''Davis''': This is embarassing. Come on, everybody, let's get out of here before their eyelids freeze together!
===''Invasion of the Daemon Corps'' [2.43]===
===''Dark Sun, Dark Spore'' [2.44]===
===''The Dark Gate'' [2.45]===
===''Duel of the WarGreymon'' [2.46]===
===''BlackWarGreymon's Destiny'' [2.47]===
:'''Agumon''': Thank you, BlackWarGreymon. You're a true friend and I'll never forget you.
===''Oikawa's Shame'' [2.48]===
:'''Tai''': Be very quiet, Agumon. We can't let her know we're here.
:'''Agumon''': I am being very quiet.
:'''Tai''': Well, you're not being very invisible. Get back here.
:'''Agumon''': Hmph! Being a spy would be easier if we didn't have to do so much spying.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': ''[answers phone]'' Hello?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Hi, Izzy, honey, it's mom! I'm down in Highton View Terrace.
:'''Izzy''': Aaahh! ''[sees his mother calling from a phone booth near the DigiDestined's stakeout location]'' Mom, what are you doing here?
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Well, I was just thinking of how all the other parents doing their part helping out you kids, you know with lending their own expertise. So I sat right down and asked myself what's my expertise? And the answer is: snacks. So I made you some PB and J with the crusts cut off.
:'''Izzy''': PB and J? Mom...
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': I know how you hate the crusts.
:'''Izzy''': Ohhh... okay, hold on, I'll be down in a minute.
:'''Mrs. Izumi''': Okay, bye!
:'''Izzy''': ''[hangs up, turns to his friends, embarrassed]'' My mom. I'll be right back, guys.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cody''': He's changing!
:'''T.K.''': But into Myotismon or VenomMyotismon?
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Actually... you can call me MaloMyotismon!
===''The Last Temptation of the DigiDestined'' [2.49]===
:'''MaloMyotismon''': Impossible! There's not a single child in the world that doesn't have something they're worried about!
:'''Davis''': Well, you just met one! Congratulations, big and ugly! I guess you should go back to your magic act! Now if we're through chit chatting, I'd like to get back to the part where we put you away! I'm sick of monsters like you always trying to take over the world. It's over. We're not going to let you hurt any more people!
===''A Million Points of Light'' [2.50]===
:'''Tai''': It's so dark, and it'll be like this forever if we can't stop MaloMyotismon! No! I can't give up hope! There are too many people depending on me!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''MaloMyotismon''': The dying of the light, and no one to rage against it!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey, I've got an idea! Digi-port open! Please?
:'''Matt''': Guess our parents were wrong; that isn't the magic word.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Palmon''': We have to fight him, Mimi, but I need your help!
:'''Mimi''': I'm right here for you, Palmon!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': Wow, wait a minute, look at this!
:'''All''': Huh?
:'''Joe''': More bad news?
:'''Izzy''': Gates are opening all over the world! Look you guys, it's lighting up like a modem rotor in full pulse mode!
:'''Matt''': Well, if that looks like a Christmas tree lighting up, I'd have to agree with you.
:'''Sora''': The light from the gates is cutting through MaloMyotismon's blanket of darkness!
:'''Izzy''': It must be coming from digivices all over the planet!
:'''Matt''': Just think, millions of kids are banding together to take a stand against MaloMyotismon right now! It doesn't matter where they live or what language they speak, they all knew that they had to unite against the darkness. Had to fight it no matter how futile it may have seemed.
:'''Tai''': I knew that MaloMyotismon couldn't win that easily! The whole world is fighting him!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''T.K.''': ''[last lines of the series]'' So, you can see we're still having adventures. They're just a little different from the ones we used to have when we were kids. The darkness has not been conquered, and it will continue to fight against the light forever, but as long as people remember to follow their dreams, evil will be kept at bay. And on days like today, it's hard to see any darkness anywhere. Now it's up to our children, and to children everywhere, to follow their dreams. Who knows where they'll end up, but the only way to find out is to take that first step into adventure.
==''Digimon Adventure tri.''==
===''Reunion'' [3.01]===
===''Determination'' [3.02]===
===''Confession'' [3.03]===
===''Loss'' [3.04]===
===''Coexistence'' [3.05]===
===''Future'' [3.06]===
==Films==
===''Digimon: The Movie''===
:'''Kari''': Being a Digidestined means that sometimes you have to save the world, even if you're the one who caused the problem.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai Kamiya''': [typing an email] "Dear Sora, I'm sorry about what happened. I haven't felt this bad since the time I accidentally threw up in your hat and didn't tell you about it before you put it on. I know our relationship has been a little stormy lately. You say you love thundershowers, so what's a few raindrops between friends? Love, Tai."
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': But my dad likes his mess where it is...
:'''Izzy''': We'll have more capability if we network our computers together.
:'''Tai''': Hey, Izzy. Why don't we just call up the Digimon on the screen and then hit delete?
:'''Izzy''': Don't you think I've tried that?
:'''Tai''': If this thing is so dangerous, maybe we should call someone important like the principal or Bill Gates, or someone?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Izzy''': I'm one step ahead of you, Tai.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kari''': I can't come over. You don't understand, the magician's coming over later and I already volunteered to be sawed in half.
:'''Tai''': Whatever. Just tell the half with feet to run home right away!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': You're going to need a password.
:'''Izzy''': You can use mine to get on the Internet. "Prodigious"!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Matt''': Guys, the closest thing our grandmother has to computer is an egg timer.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Tai''': Hey Matt, who are all these weird people?
:'''Matt''': They're not weird, they're my best friends! ''[Quietly]'' Considering this is the only computer in town...
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Digimon]]
jkzugx87fxwdnxfg8c17m1qfcxxf5km
Russification of Belarus
0
228110
3935171
3066954
2026-04-30T22:52:02Z
Dronebogus
3078761
3935171
wikitext
text/x-wiki
The '''[[w:Russification of Belarus|Russification of Belarus]]''' is a policy of suppressing the use of the [[Belarusian language]] and the presence of the Belarusian culture and mentality in various spheres of Belarusian public life by corresponding Russian analogs.
{{theme-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* I can speak [[Belarusian language|Belarusian]], although my brain operates in Russian due to circumstances. There is no practice, because our language has been purposefully destroyed since the mid-1990s.
** [[:w:Nadzeya Astapchuk|Nadzeya Astapchuk]], Belarusian shot putter, bronze medalist of the 2008 Olympic Games, world and European champion in the [https://sport.tut.by/news/athletics/688789.html TUT.BY comment], June 2020.
* This language <[[Belarusian language|Belarusian]]> is only ours. No other country has this language. And this is how our language was committed by [[:w:be-tarask:Рэжым Лукашэнкі|our government]], this is a crime. I believe this crime will still need to be investigated.
** [[:w:Siarhei Tsikhanouski|Siarhei Tsikhanouski]], political activist and contender for the Belarusian presidency, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cS1vh7-Ux0 Homiel. Picket to collect signatures of presidential candidate Tsikhanouskaya. P. 1.] 29:26 // Live broadcast on [[YouTube]], May 2020.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
[[Category:Belarus]]
[[Category:History of Russia]]
rq78zify3sk7u4sta0jqkdknoufwdzh
Everybody Loves Raymond (season 7)
0
229625
3935035
3928534
2026-04-30T16:15:25Z
AlexHammeke
3308390
/* Season 7 */ Sweet Charity
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wikitext
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons''': [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 1)|1]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 2)|2]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 3)|3]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 4)|4]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 5)|5]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 6)|6]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 7)|7]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 8)|8]] [[Everybody Loves Raymond (season 9)|9]] | '''[[Everybody Loves Raymond|Main]]'''
----
'''''[[w:Everybody Loves Raymond|Everybody Loves Raymond]]''''' (1996 – 2005) was a long-running CBS sitcom about a successful sports writer Ray Barone, whose oddball family life consists of a fed up wife, overbearing parents (who live across the street), and an older brother with lifelong jealousy of Ray.
== Season 7 ==
=== ''Robert Needs Money'' [7.6] ===
:'''Debra''': Did he just say he's going to Las Vegas?
:'''Frank''': Nevada!
:'''Ray''': (walks to kitchen door) Robert, ROBERT!
:'''Robert''': Yeah???
:'''Ray''': Do you have a moment?
:'''Ray''' ''(To Debra)'': Can you believe this?
:''Robert walks into the kitchen''
:'''Robert''': Hey, what's up bro?
:'''Ray''': Well, ''Bro'', word has it you're going to Vegas.
:'''Robert''':Yup. I'm hopping on the big silver bird at 8:45 tomorrow. By 1:45, The Emperors Buffet at Caesar's Palace! Shrimp, Tacos, Waffles, and Turkey Legs!
:'''Frank''': And hey, while you're in Vegas, you can pick up Ray's "Sucker of the Year" award.
:'''Debra''': Wait a minute, Robert, are you sure you can afford to go to Las Vegas?
:'''Robert''': Well I can now, thanks to you ''(Pinches Debra on the cheek)''
:'''Debra''': But you were eating Baloney Pie!
:'''Marie''': Debra, why would you make that for him?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Ray''': We thought you would use that $1,000 to, I dont know, keep yourself alive!
:'''Robert''': What do you mean?
:'''Ray''': What do I mean? What about all of your problems and your bills?
:'''Robert''': You see I thought about that but those things will always. When else will I have an extra $1,000 to go to Vegas?
:'''Ray''': That wasn't an extra $1,000.
:'''Debra''': Robert, can I say something? Going to Las Vegas seems a bit extravagant for someone in your position.
:'''Robert''': Well my position is extremely stressed and needing a vacation.
:'''Marie''': Well if you need a vacation Robbie, you wanna know where I always wanted to go? Hershey, Pennsylvania. We could watch them make chocolate!
:'''Frank''': Yeah, you're gonna watch.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Frank''': You know, I once lost a friend over $50. And I'll tell ya. Sometimes when I'm driving, I still think about that $50.
=== ''Sweet Charity'' [7.16] ===
''(Ray walks into Mrs. Gorman's hospital room. Ray quietly walks up to her, thinking she is asleep.)''
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': If you're the angel of death, I'm ready.
:'''Ray''': No, no I'm not the angel of death.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': Then you could use a mint.
:'''Ray''': Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm Ray. I'm helping out here today.
(Mrs. Gorman stares at Ray with no response.)
:'''Ray''': So, I hear you like baseball.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': What are you doing?
:'''Ray''': I'm Ray Barone, I'm a sports writer for New York NewsDay.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': Oh yeah? Can you fix a radio?
:'''Ray''': What do you mean?
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': What do you think it means when someone says they need their radio fixed?
:'''Ray''': No Ive come here to just talk to you, you know, cheer you up.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': They finally send a man in here and it's you.
:'''Ray''': Alright listen Mrs. Gorman, I was just seeing if maybe I could get you to take your pills.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': Fix my radio, I'll take a pill.
:'''Ray''': I don't know how to fix a radio.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': Then youve used what's left of my life for nothin'.
:'''Ray''': Ok then, well, nice talking to you ma'am.
(Ray heads to the door to exit.)
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': Do you sit in a press box?
:'''Ray''': What? At the game? Yeah.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': Ive never sat in a press box before.
:'''Ray''': Well, um, if you wanna sit in a press box, you gotta get better. And if you wanna get better, you gotta take your pills.
:'''Mrs. Gorman''': Oh, you tricky tricky white boy.
=== ''The Plan'' [7.18] ===
:''(Amy comes into the kitchen in a panic)''
:'''Amy''': ''(hysterical, to Robert)'' '''What did you do?'''
:'''Robert''': ''(not understanding what's going on)'' What do you mean?
:'''Amy''': What did you do? The invitations! ''(She hands Robert one of the offending invitations)'' My Aunt Lynn got this in the mail! What did you do?"
:'''Robert''': ''(panicking himself)'' Oh, my God! This was in the mail?!
:'''Amy''': What did you do?!
:'''Robert''': Nothing. Nothing. This wasn't supposed to go out.
:'''Debra''': ''(taking the invitation from Robert)'' Wait a minute, what's the problem? ''(She finds it, and is equally aghast.)'' Oh, my God!
:'''Amy''': ''I know!'' I couldn't even finish reading it because I heard someone screaming, and then I realized '''''it was me!!!'''''
:'''Robert''': The wedding planner lady was supposed to print it out and you were supposed to look it over--
:'''Amy''': She said you said "send it out"!
:'''Robert''': No, I said ''print'' it out!
:'''Amy''': Well, she sent it out!
:'''Robert''': ''(truly hysterical)'' '''''OH, MY GOD!!!''''' ''(Marie comes in, holding an invitation)''
:'''Marie''': ''(hysterical)'' '''''AMY!!! OH, MY GOD!!!'''''
:'''Amy''': ''(matching their hysteria)'' '''''I KNOW!!! OH, MY GOD!!!'''''
:'''Marie''': ''What happened to it?'' ''(Amy points accusingly at Robert)''
:'''Amy''': Robert! Robert happened to it!
:'''Robert''': ''(feebly)'' It wasn't supposed to go out! ''(Amy goes over and thrusts the invitation at Robert.)''
:'''Amy''': Look at this! Hank N' Pat? N' Pat? They're not ''hillbillies,'' Robert! Hank ''''''N''''' Pat McDougal request the honor of your "presents"--
:'''Debra''': Robert, you spelled "presence" like ''gifts!''
:'''Robert''': ''(quietly)'' It wasn't supposed to go out!
:'''Amy''': You even put the wrong date! It's the ''ninth,'' not the ''sixth!'' People are going to be showing up '''''three days early!'''''
:'''Debra''': And what is ''this:'' '''''Attire optional?!'''''
:'''Amy''': It's ''black tie'' optional! ''Attire optional'' means "maybe ''naked!"'' ''(The horror of it just never ends...)'' There's going to be ''nude'' people! At the church! '''''On a Wednesday!!'''''
:'''Robert''': ''(quietly strained)'' It wasn't supposed to go out!
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Everybody Loves Raymond seasons]]
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Modern Family (season 1)
0
229635
3934964
3505483
2026-04-30T12:42:16Z
~2026-16382-55
3302481
/* Benched [1.20] */
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons''': [[Modern Family (season 1)|1]] [[Modern Family (season 2)|2]] [[Modern Family (season 3)|3]] | [[Modern Family|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:Modern Family|Modern Family]]''''' (2009–2020) is an American sitcom created by [[w:Christopher Lloyd (screenwriter)|Christopher Lloyd]] that follows three related, fictional families: a traditional family led by Phil and Claire Dunphy; Gloria and Jay Pritchett, a May-December couple; and Mitchell and Cam, a gay couple. The show is shot in a [[w:mockumentary|mockumentary]].
=== ''[[w:Pilot (Modern Family)|Pilot]]'' [1.01]===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I'm hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laugh out loud. OMG. WTF: Why the face? Um you know, I know all the dances to ''High School Musical''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alex''': Mom! Dad!
:'''Claire''': What?
:'''Alex''': Luke just shot me!
:'''Claire''': Are you okay?
:'''Alex''': No! The little bitch shot me!
:''[Phil chuckles]''
:'''Claire''': Language!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun? Deal with this.
:'''Phil''': Buddy, uncool.
:'''Claire''': That's it? No. The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.
:'''Phil''': We were serious about that?
:'''Claire''': Yes, we were, and now you have to follow through.
:'''Luke''' ''[crying]'': I'm so sorry!
:'''Claire''': Liar. Go.
:'''Phil''': He's got a birthday party.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Alex Dunphy|Alex]]''': What's more important here, Dad?
:'''Claire''': You can shoot him afterwards. He'll be home at 2:00.
:'''Phil''': I can't shoot him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00.
:'''Alex''': What about 3:00?
:'''Claire''': No, he's got a soccer game at 3:00, and then-- Oh, we got to leave for that dinner thing at 5:00. 4:15. We could shoot him at 4:15.
:'''Phil''': Yeah, I guess that works for me. ''[Claire writes "Shoot Luke" on schedule. Luke groans.]'' Sorry, dude. It's on the calendar.
:'''Luke''': Oh, come on!
=== ''[[w:The Bicycle Thief (Modern Family)|The Bicycle Thief]]'' [1.02] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To Cameron]'' Wow, paisley and pink? Was there something wrong with the fishnet tank top?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Manny thinks his dad is like Superman. The truth? He's a total flake. In fact, the only way he's like Superman... is that they both landed in this country illegally.
=== ''[[w:Come Fly With Me (Modern Family)|Come Fly With Me]]'' [1.03] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[To Dylan]'' Hey, come in. You're just in time to catch the end of the game. Come on, I'll catch you up. Okay, so that guy is the tying run - interesting story about him: he's been stuck on second base forever, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna try and steal third, which is just a terrible, terrible idea - how are you and Haley doing?"
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': I always wanted a daughter: to dress her up in pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everyone that he was my daughter ''[laughing]''. But just for a few times, I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died. ''[cut to Jay giving her a horrified look]''
=== ''[[w:The Incident (Modern Family)|The Incident]]'' [1.04] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Mitchell's mother has a problem with me. Last Christmas, for example, she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer. So to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and she gave me a hint.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[To Haley]'' Boy, things with your mom got pretty intense down there, all like east coast - west coast, you feel me? ''[Cut to Phil by himself talking to the camera]'' Act like a parent, talk like a peer. I call it "peerenting". I learned it from my own dad who used to walk into my room and say, "What's up sweat-hog?" ''[Cut back to Phil and Haley]'' Honey, I would love to let you go to the concert. Are you kidding me, I think concerts are rad? Hello, I was a hall-raiser!
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Hailey Dunphy|Haley]]''': A what?
:'''Phil''': I followed [[w:Hall & Oates|Hall & Oates]] around the country one summer. “Rich Girl” just spoke to me; I was dating this girl - not dating, I guess I was following her too, kind of.
=== ''[[w:Coal Digger (Modern Family)|Coal Digger]]'' [1.05] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': ''[About Manny]'' Our son is not weird. What's weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don't get hurt.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug... creates a tripping hazard... and open yourself up to [[lawsuit]]s. Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking.
=== ''[[w:Run for Your Wife (Modern Family)|Run for Your Wife]]'' [1.06] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': ''[after being pulled out of class]'' Is something wrong? Who's died?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': No one, Manny.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Why would you even think that?
:'''Gloria''': In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To the Emergency Assistance]'' Help! We locked our baby in the car and people are judging us!
=== ''[[w:En Garde (Modern Family)|En Garde]]'' [1.07] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Any monkey can shoot a home movie. I pride myself on shooting home films.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': Yeah, but Cameron, you always just take things a little too far.
:'''Cameron''': No, I don't.
:'''Mitchell''': Okay, your nephew's first birthday.
:'''Cameron''': That's not fair.
:'''Mitchell''': You brought a wind machine.
:'''Cameron''': To be fair, my vision was--
:'''Mitchell''': Cameron, you brought a wind machine.
:'''Cameron''': Who puts wheels on cribs?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cameron''': So there's no part of you that wants to clear the air with your sister?
:'''Mitchell''': No.
:'''Cameron''': Okay, fine. That's your family's way, I'll respect that. But you should know it's hard on the people who love you. We feel the tension, we hear the words that cut like knives.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Hey guys! I brought orange slices.
:'''Cameron''': Okay. You know what, I can't bear this. Claire, Mitchell still resents you for quitting the figure skating team when you were kids. ''[to Alex and Haley]'' Ladies, come inside with me please. ''[to Claire and Mitchell]'' Work it out. Come on.
:''[Cameron and the girls leave the scene]''
:'''Mitchell''': Thanks, Cam.
:'''Claire''': Is he serious? Is that what your little jab was about this morning?
:'''Mitchell''': Okay ... no ... yes. Okay, yes. I guess I'm still a little angry, but you know--you stole my moment, Claire.
:'''Claire''': Yeah, 21 years ago...
:'''Mitchell''': Okay, but it doesn't matter to you because you had your own moments. You had cheerleading and high school plays, making out with the quarterback, and...
:'''Claire''': Oh come on, you made out with him, too.
:'''Mitchell''': Yeah, but we had to keep it a secret.
=== ''[[w:Great Expectations (Modern Family)|Great Expectations]]'' [1.08] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': You're impossible to buy for! You never want anything.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[Confessional]'' Um, things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks... I love my wife, but she sucks at giving gifts. I'm sorry for the pay-channel language, but- oh! Yogurt maker! I can't ''not'' think of things I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phil''': ''[upon receiving Claire's gift]'' I am so excited. ''[Opens envelope]'' Coupons for...five free hugs.
:'''Claire''': You don't like it?
:'''Phil''': Are you kidding me? I love it. It's so creative--coupons for hugs, which are usually free, but this makes it official, which is so great.
=== ''[[w:Fizbo (Modern Family)|Fizbo]]'' [1.09] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': I've tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria. Nothing has worked.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Here's the deal. Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success, and since you don't have either one of those things... you're gonna be the funny guy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Hey, Phil... are you getting a Clown for today?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Er no, Luke er... Luke's not much of a Clown-fan.
:'''Cameron''': Really?
:'''Phil''': Yeah, never really liked them.
:'''Cameron''': Has he ever seen a good one?
:'''Phil''': Has anyone?!
=== ''[[w:Undeck the Halls|Undeck the Halls]]'' [1.10] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Phil has a habit of making big pronouncements to the kids.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': One time I told Luke that if he didn't put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, we would put them in his bed.
:'''Claire''': Phil's problem is follow-through.
:'''Phil''': We had no more dishes, so we were eating cereal out of a goldfish bowl.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': Look, every country has their own traditions. In our culture, for example, the baby Jesus is the one that brings the gifts, not the Santa Claus.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': But that doesn't make sense. How could a newborn baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': At least a baby can fit through a chimney.
:'''Jay''': How would you sit on the baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish it.
=== ''[[w:Up All Night (Modern Family)|Up All Night]]'' [1.11] ===
:'''Javier''': Hey, you're not leaving are you?
:'''Manny''': I've got school.
:'''Javier''': Wha--?! School!
:'''Gloria''': Yeah, school. That's where people go to learn things like not to keep children up all night!
:'''Javier''': ''[points at Manny while facing Jay]'' He told her?
:'''Jay''': He's weak.
:'''Javier''': Well, listen. You told me that you used to like riding motorcycles, right? So I brought you one.
:'''Jay''': I know but I kinda got work--
:'''Javier''': Pssh, work!
:'''Manny''': Go, Jay!
:'''Gloria''': Yes, go Jay, and take Manny with you, too!
:'''Manny''': Okay!
:'''Gloria''': NO, MANUEL ALBERTO! IN THE CAR OR I PUT YOU IN THE TRUNK!
=== ''[[w:Not in My House|Not in My House]]'' [1.12] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Alex Dunphy|Alex]]''': Did you draw on my poster?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Haley Dunphy|Haley]]''': Yeah, I did. Maybe you'll think about that the next time you read my journal.
:'''Alex''': I didn't read your stupid journal, and I waited in line to get this signed, Haley.
:'''Haley''': Oh, don't be such a baby. It's just some dude with weird hair.
:'''Alex''': That's [[Maya Angelou]], you idiot.
:'''Haley''': Oh, sorry I don't follow the WNBA.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Okay, I checked the rest of the computers in the house. I didn't find any more porn.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.
=== ''[[w:Fifteen Percent|Fifteen Percent]]'' [1.13] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To the florist, after Cam accidentally sets the flowers on fire and then runs screaming into the kitchen]'' Look at that, two things flaming at once!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong like I had said, “Dad, I’m gray”
=== ''[[w:Moon Landing (Modern Family)|Moon Landing]]'' [1.14] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Alex Dunphy|Alex]]''': What's [[w:Jägermeister|Jägermeister]]?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Um, well you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phil''': Do people want their real estate advice from someone who leads or from someone who follows? I'm betting these babies ''[points to fake mustache]'' are coming back in a big way. Buy low sell high. People are gonna see this and say... that guy is high.
=== ''[[w:My Funky Valentine (Modern Family)|My Funky Valentine]]'' [1.15] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': ''[about a comedian]'' You're going to love him. Trust me, the guy’s hilarious.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': Okay, tell me one of his jokes.
:'''Jay''': Well, he doesn't do jokes.
:'''Gloria''': Does he have a mallet?
:'''Jay''': No.
:'''Gloria''': So then how does he get hit in the head?
:'''Jay''': He doesn't get hit in the head. He makes observations. He tells the truth in a funny way- come on, he's been on [[w:Johnny Carson|Johnny Carson]] a hundred times.
:'''Gloria''': Who the hell is Johnny Carson?
:'''Jay''': Oh, for God's sake.
:''[Cut to Jay and Gloria talking to the camera]''
:'''Jay''': Gloria and I are from different generations, and I won't lie, it isn't always easy. I mean, last week she thought [[w:Simon & Garfunkel|Simon & Garfunkel]] were my lawyers.
:'''Gloria''': No I didn't.
:'''Jay''': It's a joke.
:'''Gloria''': I don't get it.
:'''Jay''': Maybe that's because there's no mallet.
:'''Gloria''': Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jay''': ''[To Gloria]'' I have to get old... You don't have to get fat.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Claire and Phil are pretending to be strangers at a hotel bar, Claire has just returned from the bathroom wearing her coat]''
:'''Claire''': "Clive", I have a little something for you.
:'''Phil''': What is it?
:'''Claire''': ''[tosses something at Phil]'' My dress.
:'''Phil''': Oh..
:'''Claire''': My bra.
:'''Phil''': Oh, my...
:'''Claire''': My underwear.
:'''Phil''': My God!
:'''Claire''': Yeah. What do you say we take this upstairs?
:'''Phil''': This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread.
=== ''[[w:Fears (Modern Family)|Fears]]'' [1.16] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To Cameron, who has been over complimenting their pediatrician]'' Take it down a notch, we’re trying to make a friend, not initiate a three-way.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': The party is at an amusement park and Manny's afraid of roller coasters.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Poor kid.
:'''Gloria''': I don't know where he gets his fear from, cause his father is not afraid of anything no bulls, no heights, no helicopters, no fast cars.
:'''Jay''': But go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come then you'll see fear in his eyes, like the waiter's a ghost.
=== ''[[w:Truth Be Told(Modern Family)|Truth Be Told]]'' [1.17] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Women in their thirties on the Internet, they’re like ninjas. They get in their little black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claire''': Denise? Do I know Denise?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Yeah, you know, my old girlfriend.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Haley Dunphy|Haley]]''': Oh my god, gross! I can't even picture you with a woman.
:'''Claire''': Thank you.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Luke Dunphy|Luke]]''': You had a girlfriend before Mom?
:'''Phil''': Try two. Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. And then I met your Mom.
:'''Claire''': And thank you.
=== ''[[w:Starry Night (Modern Family)|Starry Night]]'' [1.18] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Claire, I know you've got your methods, but so do I, and I'm sorry but I'm not a micro-manager. Trust me, I can provide Luke with the tools and guidance he needs without smothering him.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': You think I smother our children?
:'''Phil''': It's not your fault, honey, mother is part of the word. You ever hear of anyone being sfathered to death?
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:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': ''[After Mitchell got sprayed by a skunk]'' The trouble is your clothes, just take them off. I think there's a blanket in the trunk.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': You're sure, Dad, you're not worried I might stink up the blanket?
:'''Jay''': Don't worry about it. We just use it to cover up the seat from when Manny's all sweaty after his Tango class.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': If you don't sweat, you're not doing right!
=== ''[[w:Game Changer|Game Changer]]'' [1.19] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': I'm gonna teach him real chess, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game--not smuggle stuff out of the country.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': Eh, I know one Colombian piece you won't be playing with later.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gloria''': Are you sure there's not an "E-I" in the middle?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': No its "I-E".
:'''Gloria''': Good, Papi. If I can't fool you, then your teachers can't fool you either.
:'''Manny''': I don't think they're trying to fool me.
=== ''[[w:Benched (Modern Family)|Benched]]'' [1.20] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': It's Cameron's turn to be out in the world interacting with other grown-ups while I get to stay at home and plot the death of [[w:Dora the Explorer|Dora the Explorer]]. ''[mumbling]'' Fill her backpack with bricks, and throw her into Candycane River...
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': What’s my coaching philosophy? Give a kid a bird and he becomes one of those weird dudes that walks around with a bird on his shoulder. But give him a pair of wings? He can fly...
... unless he has absolutely no hand-eye co-ordination.
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:'''Alex''': ''[Enters the car]'' Hey, Mom!
:'''Claire''': That was 20 minutes.
:'''Alex''': Mom, I am so, so sorry! I know it's no excuse, but I've been feeling a lot of pressure at school! You know, with friends, and I love you so much and I appreciate everything you do for me! I'm still your little girl.
:'''Claire''': Oh honey, you’re so sweet!
:'''Alex''': Can I get twenty dollars? A bunch of us are going to a movie and we're gonna get something to eat afterwards. Jenna's brother’s gonna take us home.
:'''Claire''': Okay! Of course, sweetie, you know what? Take forty! ''[Gives Alex forty dollars from her purse]''
:'''Alex''': Oh, my gosh!
:'''Claire''': Yeah, that's right!
:'''Alex''': Thanks, Mom!
:'''Claire''': Go on, have a great time! ''[Alex leaves the car smiling, running to friends]'' Oh, Alex, honey? When you're out shopping, you might want to pick up yourself a training bra! I know you don't need one now, but your little boobies are gonna come in soon! Mommy loves you, kitten! ''[Blows two kisses to her]'' Mwah! Mwah! ''[Mumbling as she drives away]'' Teach her to screw with me.
=== ''[[w:Travels With Scout (Modern Family)|Travels With Scout]]'' [1.21] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers- It turns out I'm one of them. It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper.
=== ''[[w:Airport 2010 (Modern Family)|Airport 2010]]'' [1.22] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[After he and Mitchell pop a lock on a window of Mitchell & Cameron's house, of which they are locked out]'' If you show enough houses you learn all the tricks. Every Realtor is just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere, but not me...I'm completely clueless.
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:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Nobody likes a crying baby on a flight, it's very stressful.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchet|Mitchell]]''': Yeah, last year I flew back from New York next to a baby who was very upset the entire flight, and it was hell.
:'''Cameron''': I was on the flight with you, I don't recall - oh, I get it, you're talking about me, that's very funny.
:'''Mitchell''': Yeah, we couldn't get tickets to ''[[w:Billy Elliot (play)|Billy Elliot]]''.
:'''Cameron''': ''[Getting very emotional]'' All he wanted to do was dance, and that's my story.
:'''Mitchell''': Five hours of this.
:'''Cameron''': ''[In a bold, thick Geordie accent]'' I just wanted to dance at the ballet!
=== ''[[w:Hawaii (Modern Family)|Hawaii]]'' [1.23] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': I thought one of the advantages of marrying an older guy was that I was going to be able to relax. But all of this swimming and running and rowing, it’s just like how some of my relatives got into this country!
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:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': It would be like Lewis telling Clark that he didn’t like to walk. Sidenote: We’re very good friends with a couple named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big sparkly belt in New Orleans that he calls his Louisiana Purchase.
=== ''[[w:Family Portrait (Modern Family)|Family Portrait]]'' [1.24] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Quick, quick, tell me something to say that will freak him out.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Haley]]''': Tell him I'm pregnant.
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:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': The question is, why isn’t all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living!
{{wikipedia}}
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----
:'''Seasons''': [[Modern Family (season 1)|1]] [[Modern Family (season 2)|2]] [[Modern Family (season 3)|3]] | [[Modern Family|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:Modern Family|Modern Family]]''''' (2009–2020) is an American sitcom created by [[w:Christopher Lloyd (screenwriter)|Christopher Lloyd]] that follows three related, fictional families: a traditional family led by Phil and Claire Dunphy; Gloria and Jay Pritchett, a May-December couple; and Mitchell and Cam, a gay couple. The show is shot in a [[w:mockumentary|mockumentary]].
=== ''[[w:Pilot (Modern Family)|Pilot]]'' [1.01]===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': I'm the cool dad. That's my thing. I'm hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laugh out loud. OMG. WTF: Why the face? Um you know, I know all the dances to ''High School Musical''.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alex''': Mom! Dad!
:'''Claire''': What?
:'''Alex''': Luke just shot me!
:'''Claire''': Are you okay?
:'''Alex''': No! The little idiot shot me!
:''[Phil chuckles]''
:'''Claire''': Language!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun? Deal with this.
:'''Phil''': Buddy, uncool.
:'''Claire''': That's it? No. The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.
:'''Phil''': We were serious about that?
:'''Claire''': Yes, we were, and now you have to follow through.
:'''Luke''' ''[crying]'': I'm so sorry!
:'''Claire''': Liar. Go.
:'''Phil''': He's got a birthday party.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Alex Dunphy|Alex]]''': What's more important here, Dad?
:'''Claire''': You can shoot him afterwards. He'll be home at 2:00.
:'''Phil''': I can't shoot him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00.
:'''Alex''': What about 3:00?
:'''Claire''': No, he's got a soccer game at 3:00, and then-- Oh, we got to leave for that dinner thing at 5:00. 4:15. We could shoot him at 4:15.
:'''Phil''': Yeah, I guess that works for me. ''[Claire writes "Shoot Luke" on schedule. Luke groans.]'' Sorry, dude. It's on the calendar.
:'''Luke''': Oh, come on!
=== ''[[w:The Bicycle Thief (Modern Family)|The Bicycle Thief]]'' [1.02] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To Cameron]'' Wow, paisley and pink? Was there something wrong with the fishnet tank top?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Manny thinks his dad is like Superman. The truth? He's a total flake. In fact, the only way he's like Superman... is that they both landed in this country illegally.
=== ''[[w:Come Fly With Me (Modern Family)|Come Fly With Me]]'' [1.03] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[To Dylan]'' Hey, come in. You're just in time to catch the end of the game. Come on, I'll catch you up. Okay, so that guy is the tying run - interesting story about him: he's been stuck on second base forever, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna try and steal third, which is just a terrible, terrible idea - how are you and Haley doing?"
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': I always wanted a daughter: to dress her up in pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her makeup. No one knows this, but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everyone that he was my daughter ''[laughing]''. But just for a few times, I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures, I told him that it was his twin sister who died. ''[cut to Jay giving her a horrified look]''
=== ''[[w:The Incident (Modern Family)|The Incident]]'' [1.04] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Mitchell's mother has a problem with me. Last Christmas, for example, she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer. So to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and she gave me a hint.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[To Haley]'' Boy, things with your mom got pretty intense down there, all like east coast - west coast, you feel me? ''[Cut to Phil by himself talking to the camera]'' Act like a parent, talk like a peer. I call it "peerenting". I learned it from my own dad who used to walk into my room and say, "What's up sweat-hog?" ''[Cut back to Phil and Haley]'' Honey, I would love to let you go to the concert. Are you kidding me, I think concerts are rad? Hello, I was a hall-raiser!
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Hailey Dunphy|Haley]]''': A what?
:'''Phil''': I followed [[w:Hall & Oates|Hall & Oates]] around the country one summer. “Rich Girl” just spoke to me; I was dating this girl - not dating, I guess I was following her too, kind of.
=== ''[[w:Coal Digger (Modern Family)|Coal Digger]]'' [1.05] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': ''[About Manny]'' Our son is not weird. What's weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': No, see this is exactly why we sweep things under the rug. So, people don't get hurt.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Well, yeah, until you sweep too much under the rug. Then you have a lumpy rug... creates a tripping hazard... and open yourself up to [[lawsuit]]s. Boy, you can go a really long time without blinking.
=== ''[[w:Run for Your Wife (Modern Family)|Run for Your Wife]]'' [1.06] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': ''[after being pulled out of class]'' Is something wrong? Who's died?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': No one, Manny.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Why would you even think that?
:'''Gloria''': In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you were pulled out of class, it was definitely to identify a body.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To the Emergency Assistance]'' Help! We locked our baby in the car and people are judging us!
=== ''[[w:En Garde (Modern Family)|En Garde]]'' [1.07] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Any monkey can shoot a home movie. I pride myself on shooting home films.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': Yeah, but Cameron, you always just take things a little too far.
:'''Cameron''': No, I don't.
:'''Mitchell''': Okay, your nephew's first birthday.
:'''Cameron''': That's not fair.
:'''Mitchell''': You brought a wind machine.
:'''Cameron''': To be fair, my vision was--
:'''Mitchell''': Cameron, you brought a wind machine.
:'''Cameron''': Who puts wheels on cribs?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Cameron''': So there's no part of you that wants to clear the air with your sister?
:'''Mitchell''': No.
:'''Cameron''': Okay, fine. That's your family's way, I'll respect that. But you should know it's hard on the people who love you. We feel the tension, we hear the words that cut like knives.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Hey guys! I brought orange slices.
:'''Cameron''': Okay. You know what, I can't bear this. Claire, Mitchell still resents you for quitting the figure skating team when you were kids. ''[to Alex and Haley]'' Ladies, come inside with me please. ''[to Claire and Mitchell]'' Work it out. Come on.
:''[Cameron and the girls leave the scene]''
:'''Mitchell''': Thanks, Cam.
:'''Claire''': Is he serious? Is that what your little jab was about this morning?
:'''Mitchell''': Okay ... no ... yes. Okay, yes. I guess I'm still a little angry, but you know--you stole my moment, Claire.
:'''Claire''': Yeah, 21 years ago...
:'''Mitchell''': Okay, but it doesn't matter to you because you had your own moments. You had cheerleading and high school plays, making out with the quarterback, and...
:'''Claire''': Oh come on, you made out with him, too.
:'''Mitchell''': Yeah, but we had to keep it a secret.
=== ''[[w:Great Expectations (Modern Family)|Great Expectations]]'' [1.08] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': You're impossible to buy for! You never want anything.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[Confessional]'' Um, things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks... I love my wife, but she sucks at giving gifts. I'm sorry for the pay-channel language, but- oh! Yogurt maker! I can't ''not'' think of things I want.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phil''': ''[upon receiving Claire's gift]'' I am so excited. ''[Opens envelope]'' Coupons for...five free hugs.
:'''Claire''': You don't like it?
:'''Phil''': Are you kidding me? I love it. It's so creative--coupons for hugs, which are usually free, but this makes it official, which is so great.
=== ''[[w:Fizbo (Modern Family)|Fizbo]]'' [1.09] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': I've tried everything to get her attention. Opening doors, having a milk sent over in the cafeteria. Nothing has worked.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Here's the deal. Girls don't go for all that romantic stuff. They go for power and success, and since you don't have either one of those things... you're gonna be the funny guy.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Hey, Phil... are you getting a Clown for today?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Er no, Luke er... Luke's not much of a Clown-fan.
:'''Cameron''': Really?
:'''Phil''': Yeah, never really liked them.
:'''Cameron''': Has he ever seen a good one?
:'''Phil''': Has anyone?!
=== ''[[w:Undeck the Halls|Undeck the Halls]]'' [1.10] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Phil has a habit of making big pronouncements to the kids.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': One time I told Luke that if he didn't put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, we would put them in his bed.
:'''Claire''': Phil's problem is follow-through.
:'''Phil''': We had no more dishes, so we were eating cereal out of a goldfish bowl.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': Look, every country has their own traditions. In our culture, for example, the baby Jesus is the one that brings the gifts, not the Santa Claus.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': But that doesn't make sense. How could a newborn baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': At least a baby can fit through a chimney.
:'''Jay''': How would you sit on the baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish it.
=== ''[[w:Up All Night (Modern Family)|Up All Night]]'' [1.11] ===
:'''Javier''': Hey, you're not leaving are you?
:'''Manny''': I've got school.
:'''Javier''': Wha--?! School!
:'''Gloria''': Yeah, school. That's where people go to learn things like not to keep children up all night!
:'''Javier''': ''[points at Manny while facing Jay]'' He told her?
:'''Jay''': He's weak.
:'''Javier''': Well, listen. You told me that you used to like riding motorcycles, right? So I brought you one.
:'''Jay''': I know but I kinda got work--
:'''Javier''': Pssh, work!
:'''Manny''': Go, Jay!
:'''Gloria''': Yes, go Jay, and take Manny with you, too!
:'''Manny''': Okay!
:'''Gloria''': NO, MANUEL ALBERTO! IN THE CAR OR I PUT YOU IN THE TRUNK!
=== ''[[w:Not in My House|Not in My House]]'' [1.12] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Alex Dunphy|Alex]]''': Did you draw on my poster?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Haley Dunphy|Haley]]''': Yeah, I did. Maybe you'll think about that the next time you read my journal.
:'''Alex''': I didn't read your stupid journal, and I waited in line to get this signed, Haley.
:'''Haley''': Oh, don't be such a baby. It's just some dude with weird hair.
:'''Alex''': That's [[Maya Angelou]], you idiot.
:'''Haley''': Oh, sorry I don't follow the WNBA.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Okay, I checked the rest of the computers in the house. I didn't find any more porn.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.
=== ''[[w:Fifteen Percent|Fifteen Percent]]'' [1.13] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To the florist, after Cam accidentally sets the flowers on fire and then runs screaming into the kitchen]'' Look at that, two things flaming at once!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': I came out of the closet in my mid-twenties. I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he finally acknowledged it. I’m not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong like I had said, “Dad, I’m gray”
=== ''[[w:Moon Landing (Modern Family)|Moon Landing]]'' [1.14] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Alex Dunphy|Alex]]''': What's [[w:Jägermeister|Jägermeister]]?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Um, well you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Phil''': Do people want their real estate advice from someone who leads or from someone who follows? I'm betting these babies ''[points to fake mustache]'' are coming back in a big way. Buy low sell high. People are gonna see this and say... that guy is high.
=== ''[[w:My Funky Valentine (Modern Family)|My Funky Valentine]]'' [1.15] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': ''[about a comedian]'' You're going to love him. Trust me, the guy’s hilarious.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': Okay, tell me one of his jokes.
:'''Jay''': Well, he doesn't do jokes.
:'''Gloria''': Does he have a mallet?
:'''Jay''': No.
:'''Gloria''': So then how does he get hit in the head?
:'''Jay''': He doesn't get hit in the head. He makes observations. He tells the truth in a funny way- come on, he's been on [[w:Johnny Carson|Johnny Carson]] a hundred times.
:'''Gloria''': Who is Johnny Carson?
:'''Jay''': Oh, for goodness sake.
:''[Cut to Jay and Gloria talking to the camera]''
:'''Jay''': Gloria and I are from different generations, and I won't lie, it isn't always easy. I mean, last week she thought [[w:Simon & Garfunkel|Simon & Garfunkel]] were my lawyers.
:'''Gloria''': No I didn't.
:'''Jay''': It's a joke.
:'''Gloria''': I don't get it.
:'''Jay''': Maybe that's because there's no mallet.
:'''Gloria''': Yeah, I wish I had a mallet right now.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Jay''': ''[To Gloria]'' I have to get old... You don't have to get fat.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Claire and Phil are pretending to be strangers at a hotel bar, Claire has just returned from the bathroom wearing her coat]''
:'''Claire''': "Clive", I have a little something for you.
:'''Phil''': What is it?
:'''Claire''': ''[tosses something at Phil]'' My dress.
:'''Phil''': Oh..
:'''Claire''': My bra.
:'''Phil''': Oh, my...
:'''Claire''': My underwear.
:'''Phil''': My gosh!
:'''Claire''': Yeah. What do you say we take this upstairs?
:'''Phil''': This is so much better than cheesy garlic bread.
=== ''[[w:Fears (Modern Family)|Fears]]'' [1.16] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': ''[To Cameron, who has been over complimenting their pediatrician]'' Take it down a notch, we’re trying to make a friend, not initiate a three-way.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': The party is at an amusement park and Manny's afraid of roller coasters.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': Poor kid.
:'''Gloria''': I don't know where he gets his fear from, cause his father is not afraid of anything no bulls, no heights, no helicopters, no fast cars.
:'''Jay''': But go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come then you'll see fear in his eyes, like the waiter's a ghost.
=== ''[[w:Truth Be Told(Modern Family)|Truth Be Told]]'' [1.17] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Women in their thirties on the Internet, they’re like ninjas. They get in their little black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Claire''': Denise? Do I know Denise?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Yeah, you know, my old girlfriend.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Haley Dunphy|Haley]]''': Oh my gosh, gross! I can't even picture you with a woman.
:'''Claire''': Thank you.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Luke Dunphy|Luke]]''': You had a girlfriend before Mom?
:'''Phil''': Try two. Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. And then I met your Mom.
:'''Claire''': And thank you.
=== ''[[w:Starry Night (Modern Family)|Starry Night]]'' [1.18] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': Claire, I know you've got your methods, but so do I, and I'm sorry but I'm not a micro-manager. Trust me, I can provide Luke with the tools and guidance he needs without smothering him.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': You think I smother our children?
:'''Phil''': It's not your fault, honey, mother is part of the word. You ever hear of anyone being sfathered to death?
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': ''[After Mitchell got sprayed by a skunk]'' The trouble is your clothes, just take them off. I think there's a blanket in the trunk.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': You're sure, Dad, you're not worried I might stink up the blanket?
:'''Jay''': Don't worry about it. We just use it to cover up the seat from when Manny's all sweaty after his Tango class.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': If you don't sweat, you're not doing right!
=== ''[[w:Game Changer|Game Changer]]'' [1.19] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Jay Pritchett|Jay]]''': I'm gonna teach him real chess, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game--not smuggle stuff out of the country.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': Eh, I know one Colombian piece you won't be playing with later.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gloria''': Are you sure there's not an "E-I" in the middle?
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Manny Delgado|Manny]]''': No its "I-E".
:'''Gloria''': Good, Papi. If I can't fool you, then your teachers can't fool you either.
:'''Manny''': I don't think they're trying to fool me.
=== ''[[w:Benched (Modern Family)|Benched]]'' [1.20] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchett|Mitchell]]''': It's Cameron's turn to be out in the world interacting with other grown-ups while I get to stay at home and plot the death of [[w:Dora the Explorer|Dora the Explorer]]. ''[mumbling]'' Fill her backpack with bricks, and throw her into Candycane River...
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': What’s my coaching philosophy? Give a kid a bird and he becomes one of those weird dudes that walks around with a bird on his shoulder. But give him a pair of wings? He can fly...
... unless he has absolutely no hand-eye co-ordination.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Alex''': ''[Enters the car]'' Hey, Mom!
:'''Claire''': That was 20 minutes.
:'''Alex''': Mom, I am so, so sorry! I know it's no excuse, but I've been feeling a lot of pressure at school! You know, with friends, and I love you so much and I appreciate everything you do for me! I'm still your little girl.
:'''Claire''': Oh honey, you’re so sweet!
:'''Alex''': Can I get twenty dollars? A bunch of us are going to a movie and we're gonna get something to eat afterwards. Jenna's brother’s gonna take us home.
:'''Claire''': Okay! Of course, sweetie, you know what? Take forty! ''[Gives Alex forty dollars from her purse]''
:'''Alex''': Oh, my gosh!
:'''Claire''': Yeah, that's right!
:'''Alex''': Thanks, Mom!
:'''Claire''': Go on, have a great time! ''[Alex leaves the car smiling, running to friends]'' Oh, Alex, honey? When you're out shopping, you might want to pick up yourself a training bra! I know you don't need one now, but your little boobies are gonna come in soon! Mommy loves you, kitten! ''[Blows two kisses to her]'' Mwah! Mwah! ''[Mumbling as she drives away]'' Teach her to screw with me.
=== ''[[w:Travels With Scout (Modern Family)|Travels With Scout]]'' [1.21] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers- It turns out I'm one of them. It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper.
=== ''[[w:Airport 2010 (Modern Family)|Airport 2010]]'' [1.22] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Phil Dunphy|Phil]]''': ''[After he and Mitchell pop a lock on a window of Mitchell & Cameron's house, of which they are locked out]'' If you show enough houses you learn all the tricks. Every Realtor is just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere, but not me...I'm completely clueless.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': Nobody likes a crying baby on a flight, it's very stressful.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Mitchell Pritchet|Mitchell]]''': Yeah, last year I flew back from New York next to a baby who was very upset the entire flight, and it was terrible.
:'''Cameron''': I was on the flight with you, I don't recall - oh, I get it, you're talking about me, that's very funny.
:'''Mitchell''': Yeah, we couldn't get tickets to ''[[w:Billy Elliot (play)|Billy Elliot]]''.
:'''Cameron''': ''[Getting very emotional]'' All he wanted to do was dance, and that's my story.
:'''Mitchell''': Five hours of this.
:'''Cameron''': ''[In a bold, thick Geordie accent]'' I just wanted to dance at the ballet!
=== ''[[w:Hawaii (Modern Family)|Hawaii]]'' [1.23] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': I thought one of the advantages of marrying an older guy was that I was going to be able to relax. But all of this swimming and running and rowing, it’s just like how some of my relatives got into this country!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Cameron Tucker|Cameron]]''': It would be like Lewis telling Clark that he didn’t like to walk. Sidenote: We’re very good friends with a couple named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big sparkly belt in New Orleans that he calls his Louisiana Purchase.
=== ''[[w:Family Portrait (Modern Family)|Family Portrait]]'' [1.24] ===
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Claire]]''': Quick, quick, tell me something to say that will freak him out.
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Claire Dunphy|Haley]]''': Tell him I'm pregnant.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''[[w:Characters of Modern Family#Gloria Pritchett|Gloria]]''': The question is, why isn’t all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living!
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Modern Family seasons]]
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Schooled (TV series)
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/* Be Like Mine [1.1] */
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Schooled (TV series)|Schooled]]''''' (2019–2020) is an American short-lived sitcom aired on ABC. On May 21, 2020, ABC cancelled the series after 2 seasons.
==Season 1==
===''Be Like Mine'' [1.1]===
===''Lainey's All That'' [1.2]===
===''Tamagotchis and Bells'' [1.3]===
===''I, Mellor'' [1.4]===
===''Money for RENT'' [1.5]===
===''Rocks for Jocks'' [1.6]===
===''Kris Kross'' [1.7]===
:'''CB''': ''[knocking at the side of the door]'' Hiya. Uh, can I talk to you for a sec?
:'''Lainey''': Sure thing, pal! Why don't you guys recite your new motto? I'll be right back.
:'''All''': Keep your head down, blend in, trust no one.
===''Lainey and Erica's High School Reunion'' [1.8]===
===''Darth Mellor'' [1.9]===
===''There's No Fighting in Fight Club'' [1.10]===
===''Glascott Mascot'' [1.11]===
===''CB Likes Lainey'' [1.12]===
==Season 2==
===''Dr. Barry'' [2.1]===
===''Dangerous Minds'' [2.2]===
===''I'll Be There for You'' [2.3]===
===''The Rudy-ing of Toby Murphy'' [2.4]===
===''Kick Like a Girl'' [2.5]===
===''Outbreak'' [2.6]===
===''Run, Rick, Run'' [2.7]===
===''Hiccups'' [2.8]===
===''Friendsgiving'' [2.9]===
===''The Pokémon Society'' [2.10]===
===''Beanie Babies'' [2.11]===
===''Boy Bands'' [2.12]===
===''FeMellor'' [2.13]===
===''Titanic Love'' [2.14]===
===''Singled Out'' [2.15]===
===''Moving On'' [2.16]===
===''Rock Star'' [2.17]===
===''Garden Party'' [2.18]===
===''Lainey's Mom'' [2.19]===
===''Principal for a Day'' [2.20]===
===''CB Saves the Planet'' [2.21]===
===''Clueless'' [2.22]===
==External links==
*{{imdb title|6546758|Schooled}}
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American single-camera sitcoms]]
[[Category:2020s American single-camera sitcoms]]
[[Category:ABC sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows due to coronavirus pandemic]]
[[Category:American television spin-offs]]
r56xar8nu8q11kpy1je5e0vxvnzxaek
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3310494
/* Darth Mellor [1.9] */
3935267
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Schooled (TV series)|Schooled]]''''' (2019–2020) is an American short-lived sitcom aired on ABC. On May 21, 2020, ABC cancelled the series after 2 seasons.
==Season 1==
===''Be Like Mine'' [1.1]===
===''Lainey's All That'' [1.2]===
===''Tamagotchis and Bells'' [1.3]===
===''I, Mellor'' [1.4]===
===''Money for RENT'' [1.5]===
===''Rocks for Jocks'' [1.6]===
===''Kris Kross'' [1.7]===
:'''CB''': ''[knocking at the side of the door]'' Hiya. Uh, can I talk to you for a sec?
:'''Lainey''': Sure thing, pal! Why don't you guys recite your new motto? I'll be right back.
:'''All''': Keep your head down, blend in, trust no one.
===''Lainey and Erica's High School Reunion'' [1.8]===
===''Darth Mellor'' [1.9]===
:'''Coach Mellor''': Well, I gotta admit, pretty electric in here. Feels like Game 7 of the World Series.
:'''CB''': But imagine waiting 16 years between games. And now, the wait is over.
:''["Star Wars (Main Theme)" plays; they cheer]''
:'''CB''': Hang on, Rick Mellor. Your life as you know it is about to change.
:'''Together''': "Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems."
:'''All''': Whoa! Ooh!
:''[Podracers whizzes]'' ''[Lightsabers clashes; applause cheers]''
:'''CB''': ''[whispering]'' This is the best thing ever.
===''There's No Fighting in Fight Club'' [1.10]===
===''Glascott Mascot'' [1.11]===
===''CB Likes Lainey'' [1.12]===
==Season 2==
===''Dr. Barry'' [2.1]===
===''Dangerous Minds'' [2.2]===
===''I'll Be There for You'' [2.3]===
===''The Rudy-ing of Toby Murphy'' [2.4]===
===''Kick Like a Girl'' [2.5]===
===''Outbreak'' [2.6]===
===''Run, Rick, Run'' [2.7]===
===''Hiccups'' [2.8]===
===''Friendsgiving'' [2.9]===
===''The Pokémon Society'' [2.10]===
===''Beanie Babies'' [2.11]===
===''Boy Bands'' [2.12]===
===''FeMellor'' [2.13]===
===''Titanic Love'' [2.14]===
===''Singled Out'' [2.15]===
===''Moving On'' [2.16]===
===''Rock Star'' [2.17]===
===''Garden Party'' [2.18]===
===''Lainey's Mom'' [2.19]===
===''Principal for a Day'' [2.20]===
===''CB Saves the Planet'' [2.21]===
===''Clueless'' [2.22]===
==External links==
*{{imdb title|6546758|Schooled}}
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American single-camera sitcoms]]
[[Category:2020s American single-camera sitcoms]]
[[Category:ABC sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows due to coronavirus pandemic]]
[[Category:American television spin-offs]]
g63uhvx6caloztp8dhtaodqlnfgpamc
3935271
3935267
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~2026-22475-30
3310494
/* The Rudy-ing of Toby Murphy [2.4] */
3935271
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Schooled (TV series)|Schooled]]''''' (2019–2020) is an American short-lived sitcom aired on ABC. On May 21, 2020, ABC cancelled the series after 2 seasons.
==Season 1==
===''Be Like Mine'' [1.1]===
===''Lainey's All That'' [1.2]===
===''Tamagotchis and Bells'' [1.3]===
===''I, Mellor'' [1.4]===
===''Money for RENT'' [1.5]===
===''Rocks for Jocks'' [1.6]===
===''Kris Kross'' [1.7]===
:'''CB''': ''[knocking at the side of the door]'' Hiya. Uh, can I talk to you for a sec?
:'''Lainey''': Sure thing, pal! Why don't you guys recite your new motto? I'll be right back.
:'''All''': Keep your head down, blend in, trust no one.
===''Lainey and Erica's High School Reunion'' [1.8]===
===''Darth Mellor'' [1.9]===
:'''Coach Mellor''': Well, I gotta admit, pretty electric in here. Feels like Game 7 of the World Series.
:'''CB''': But imagine waiting 16 years between games. And now, the wait is over.
:''["Star Wars (Main Theme)" plays; they cheer]''
:'''CB''': Hang on, Rick Mellor. Your life as you know it is about to change.
:'''Together''': "Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems."
:'''All''': Whoa! Ooh!
:''[Podracers whizzes]'' ''[Lightsabers clashes; applause cheers]''
:'''CB''': ''[whispering]'' This is the best thing ever.
===''There's No Fighting in Fight Club'' [1.10]===
===''Glascott Mascot'' [1.11]===
===''CB Likes Lainey'' [1.12]===
==Season 2==
===''Dr. Barry'' [2.1]===
===''Dangerous Minds'' [2.2]===
===''I'll Be There for You'' [2.3]===
===''The Rudy-ing of Toby Murphy'' [2.4]===
:'''Lainey''': ''[voiceover]'' Wilma and I were vastly different people, but those very differences made us as awesome team.
:'''Wilma''': ''[pressing the buzzer]'' Uranium 235.
:''[Bell dings]''
:'''Lainey''': Blink 182.
:''[Bell dings again]''
:'''Wilma''': Johannes Diderik van der Waals.
:''[Bell dings again]''
:'''Lainey''': James Van Der Beek.
:''[Bell dings fourth time]''
:'''Wilma''': The identification of chromosomes as the carriers of genetic material as stated in the Boveri-Sutton theory!
:''[Bell dings fifth time]''
:'''Lainey''': Pogs.
:'''Trivia Host''': Correct answer!
:'''Lainey''': Mm!
:'''Trivia Host''': Time to tally up the score and announce our winner.
:'''Wilma''': Winners. That would be us. I'm so glad you stalked me here tonight. If we win, I probably won't even call the cops on you.
:'''Lainey''': Listen, I have an extra ticket to a show. Do you want to go to Philly with me for the weekend to have a spa day and see Boyz II Men?
:'''Wilma''': That sounds really nice, but I don't even know that group.
:'''Lainey''': "I'll make love to you."
:'''Wilma''': I think you may have different expectations for this friendship than I do.
:'''Lainey''': No, that's one of their hits. Like... ''[singing]'' Motown Philly's back again Doing a little east-coast fling
:'''Wilma''': ''[singing]'' Da-da-da Going off Not too hard, not too soft. That's Boyz II Men? Oh, I do know them. I'm in!
:'''Lainey''' Yes!
:'''Lainey and Wilma''': ''[singing]'' Motown Philly's back again
===''Kick Like a Girl'' [2.5]===
===''Outbreak'' [2.6]===
===''Run, Rick, Run'' [2.7]===
===''Hiccups'' [2.8]===
===''Friendsgiving'' [2.9]===
===''The Pokémon Society'' [2.10]===
===''Beanie Babies'' [2.11]===
===''Boy Bands'' [2.12]===
===''FeMellor'' [2.13]===
===''Titanic Love'' [2.14]===
===''Singled Out'' [2.15]===
===''Moving On'' [2.16]===
===''Rock Star'' [2.17]===
===''Garden Party'' [2.18]===
===''Lainey's Mom'' [2.19]===
===''Principal for a Day'' [2.20]===
===''CB Saves the Planet'' [2.21]===
===''Clueless'' [2.22]===
==External links==
*{{imdb title|6546758|Schooled}}
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2010s American single-camera sitcoms]]
[[Category:2020s American single-camera sitcoms]]
[[Category:ABC sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows due to coronavirus pandemic]]
[[Category:American television spin-offs]]
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Tweenies
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Tweenies|Tweenies]]''''' is a British live action puppet children's television series created by Will Brenton and Iain Lauchlan and produced by Tell-Tale Productions for the BBC. The programme was focused on four preschool-aged characters, known as the "Tweenies"; Jake, Fizz, Milo & Bella, whilst playing, singing, dancing and learning in a fictional playgroup in England. They are cared for by two adult Tweenies; Judy & Max and his dog; Doodles, and later another dog, Izzles who belongs to Judy.
==Series 1 (1999-2000)==
===Colours [1.18]===
:'''Judy:''' Hey, that was great! Can I try now?
:'''Doodles:''' Uh-oh...
==Series 2 (2000-2001)==
===A Walk in the Country [2.32]===
:'''Max''': ''[singing]'' There is so much to see in the country, there is. Oh, so much more than the town, there are fields, there are trees, there.
==Series 3 (2001-2002)==
===Clock Shock [3.115]===
''[Title picture is shown depicting Max trying to figure out how to repair the Tweenie Clock by reading its instruction manual]''
:'''Max''' (offscreen): Clock Shock!
''[Title picture fades out in a circular animation, Max is then seen next to the Tweenie Clock, he presses it and it springs into life]''
:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?
''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays, however, it incorrectly stops at Messy Time, The Tweenies are then shown all confused]''
:'''Tweenies''' (confused): Messy Time?!
:'''Jake''': Hang on, that's not right, is it?
:'''Bella''': No, it can't be Messy Time yet.
:'''Fizz''': But we always have Song Time first.
:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah, yeah! Try it again, Max.
:'''Jake''': Yeah.
''[Max is then shown, again next to the Tweenie Clock]''
:'''Max''': Oh, OK, Milo! Alright.
''[He then presses the Tweenie Clock again and it springs into life again]''
:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?
''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays, this time, it correctly stops at Song Time]''
:'''Tweenies''': Song Time!
''[The rock rendition of Hickory Dickory Dock then plays]''
:'''Bella''': It's Hickory Dickory Dock!
:'''Jake''': Let's sing!
:'''Milo''': Yay!
:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.
:'''Milo''': Yay! Come on, let's sing it again!
:'''Jake''': Yeah, you're joining too!
:'''Bella''': And do the actions with us. Ready?
:'''Fizz''': Yeah!
:'''Milo''': Yay!
:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.
''[The music then stops]''
:'''Jake''': Come on, let's do it again!
:'''Milo''': Yay!
''[Just as the Tweenies about to sing the third time however, the Tweenie Clock strangely presses itself, the Tweenies are taken by surprise and confused, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with no-one next to it, having sprung to life on its own]''
:'''Bella''': Who pressed the clock?
''[The Tweenies are then shown, still confused]''
:'''Fizz''': Max, I suppose.
:'''Milo''': Uhhh
''[The usual Tweenie Clock sequence plays, it stops at Story Time]''
:'''Tweenies''': Story Time!
''[The Story Time animation and jingle then plays, the Tweenies are shown looking for Max]''
:'''Fizz''': Oh! Where is Max then?
:'''Jake''': Maybe he's hiding from us.
:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah! He's playing a trick on us.
:'''Tweenies''': Max? Max?
''[The Tweenie Clock then presses itself again, this time though, the tune goes from normal to low, realization dawns on the Tweenies, the Tweenie Clock is then shown, again with no-one next to it]''
:'''Fizz''': The clock's doing it all by itself.
''[The Tweenies are shown, having figured out the situation]''
:'''Bella''': It dosen't sound right though.
''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, the sequence is sped up]''
:'''Milo''': Strange-a-rooney!
:'''Jake''': Yeah!
''[On cue, the Tweenie Clock flashes all five lights, indicating Surprise Time]''
:'''Tweenies''' (confused): Surprise Time?!
''[The Surprise Time animation and jingle then plays, although the jingle speeds up on the 8th note, Max then comes out of the curtain and automatically assumes some-one had deliberately pressed the clock two times]''
:'''Max''' (pissed): HEY! Who's messing about with the clock? You know it'll break if you keep pressing it.
''[The Tweenies then come up to Max and explain the situation to him]''
:'''Bella''': It's not us, Max.
:'''Max''': Eh?
:'''Fizz''': It keeps starting all by itself.
''[Max realizes what the Tweenies meant]''
:'''Max''': Oh!
:'''Jake''': What's wrong with it, Max?
''[Just as Milo is about to speak, the Tweenie Clock once again presses itself, the tune is completely sped up, the Tweenie Clock is then shown, once again with no-one next to it, the speed is completely sped up]''
:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NO!!!!!!'''
:'''Milo''': Tweenie Clock, it just won't stop!!!!
''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, sparks immediately start coming out of it]''
:'''Jake''': I don't like it!
''[Jake then cowardly holds Max's arm, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with more sparks coming out of it, at this point however, the speed is at its peak, the Tweenies are shown bracing, the Tweenie Clock is then shown again, with the last sparks coming out of it, it then explodes]''
:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NOOOO!!!!'''
:'''Milo''': COOL!!!!
:'''Jake''': Is it broked?
''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown with smoke coming out]''
:'''Max''': I'm afraid so Jake, yeah. It must have, uh, yeah, it must have blown a fuse that's it, yes. (springs into action) Not a worry, I'll just get me tool kit. I'll have it fixed in no time. (reminding) Now stay away from it now won't you yes?
:'''Tweenies''': Yes, Max.
:'''Max''': Right!
:'''Judy''' (offscreen): I'm back!
:'''Tweenies''': JUDY!
''[Judy had come back from walking Doodles and Izzles, The Tweenies come up to Judy and explain the situation to her.]''
:'''Bella''': Judy, something awful happened.
:'''Judy''': Huh?
:'''Fizz''': The clock's broken, Judy.
:'''Judy''': Oh, no!
:'''Milo''': Yeah, it kept going off all by itself, and then it blew up.
:'''Judy''': Oh, nooo!
:'''Jake''': Max is going to get his toolkit, Judy.
:'''Judy''': Oh, noo!
''[Max then appears with his toolkit]''
:'''Max''': Hello, Judy.
:'''Judy''': Hello, Max.
:'''Max''': Heard about any excitement have you?
:'''Judy''': I have indeed, Max.
''[Doodles and Izzles had both obviously missed the Tweenie Clock explosion]''
:'''Doodles''': Well, seem like we missed all the fusses.
:'''Izzles''': Yeah, I'd like to see the clock blow up.
:'''Milo''': Wuuh, it was amazing Izzles, it went bing-a-ling-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-baaaaang!
''[Izzles then barks]''
:'''Max''': Now, I'll just switch it off at the back (switches off the Tweenie Clock at the back) don't worry, I'll soon get this sorted out, should only take a few minutes.
:'''Judy''': Uhhh, few minutes is it? Uhh, I'm afraid it's going to take a bit longer than that.
:'''Fizz''': What should we do, Judy?
:'''Judy''': Uhhh. Tell you what, let's go make something, shall we, while we're waiting for Max.
==Voice cast==
* Sally Preisig/Emma Weaver as Bella (1999-2000; 2000-2002)
* [[w:Bob Golding|Bob Golding]] as Milo
* Colleen Daley as Fizz
* [[w:Justin Fletcher|Justin Fletcher]] as Jake
==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline|Tweenies|''Tweenies''}}
[[Category:Australian Broadcasting Corporation shows]]
[[Category:BBC shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Noggin shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows about children]]
[[Category:UK comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK sitcoms]]
[[Category:UK TV shows featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:UK TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]
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Maria Bartiromo
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[[File:2026 Maria Bartiromo (cropped).jpg|thumb|Maria Bartiromo in 2015]]
'''[[w:Maria Bartiromo|Maria Sara Bartiromo]]''' (born September 11, 1967) is an American [[w:financial journalist|financial journalist]], [[w:television personality|television personality]], [[w:news anchor|news anchor]], and author. She is the host of ''[[w:Mornings with Maria|Mornings with Maria]]'' and ''[[w:Maria Bartiromo's Wall Street|Maria Bartiromo's Wall Street]]'' on the [[Fox Business Network]] as well as ''[[w:Sunday Morning Futures With Maria Bartiromo|Sunday Morning Futures With Maria Bartiromo]]'' on the [[w:Fox News Channel|Fox News Channel]].
{{Journalist-stub}}
{{women-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* I said to myself ‘I'm going to own this job. I'm going to make sure that I know this better than all of these guys and they're not gonna be able to push me around
** [https://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/bartiromo-women-in-workplace-i-didnt-let-nyse-men-push-me-around Bartiromo's advice to women in the workplace: I didn't let NYSE men push me around]" (October 15, 2019)
* I think right now the biggest challenge of what the [[U.S.]] is facing in terms of standing up to [[China]] is the corporate sector
* You’ve got [[corporation]]s that see 1.2 billion people in China and those are many potential consumers for them. China is aware of that [[market]] potential. You’re dealing with a [[communist]] country and it’s foreign to our approach to governance and [[business]]. But our companies made a deal: get access to the sheer volume of people there in exchange for playing by the [[CCP]]s rules, whatever those might be. That is a very dangerous position to be in, particularly as the [[U.S. government]] is now recognizing them as the single biggest threat the country faces.
** "[https://www.forbes.com/sites/kenrapoza/2020/10/20/maria-bartiromo-takes-on-china-in-latest-book-the-cost/?sh=6dcb9dd27056 Maria Bartiromo Takes On China In Latest Book, ‘The Cost’]" (October 20, 2020)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Bartiromo, Maria}}
[[Category:1967 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Women authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Journalists from New York City]]
[[Category:Women media personalities]]
[[Category:Fox News people]]
[[Category:New York University alumni]]
o8e0s5m95juuf8nntgy74nrnlwat8gn
3935071
3935070
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Ooligan
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[[File:2026 Maria Bartiromo (cropped).jpg|thumb|Maria Bartiromo in 2026]]
'''[[w:Maria Bartiromo|Maria Sara Bartiromo]]''' (born September 11, 1967) is an American [[w:financial journalist|financial journalist]], [[w:television personality|television personality]], [[w:news anchor|news anchor]], and author. She is the host of ''[[w:Mornings with Maria|Mornings with Maria]]'' and ''[[w:Maria Bartiromo's Wall Street|Maria Bartiromo's Wall Street]]'' on the [[Fox Business Network]] as well as ''[[w:Sunday Morning Futures With Maria Bartiromo|Sunday Morning Futures With Maria Bartiromo]]'' on the [[w:Fox News Channel|Fox News Channel]].
{{Journalist-stub}}
{{women-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* I said to myself ‘I'm going to own this job. I'm going to make sure that I know this better than all of these guys and they're not gonna be able to push me around
** [https://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/bartiromo-women-in-workplace-i-didnt-let-nyse-men-push-me-around Bartiromo's advice to women in the workplace: I didn't let NYSE men push me around]" (October 15, 2019)
* I think right now the biggest challenge of what the [[U.S.]] is facing in terms of standing up to [[China]] is the corporate sector
* You’ve got [[corporation]]s that see 1.2 billion people in China and those are many potential consumers for them. China is aware of that [[market]] potential. You’re dealing with a [[communist]] country and it’s foreign to our approach to governance and [[business]]. But our companies made a deal: get access to the sheer volume of people there in exchange for playing by the [[CCP]]s rules, whatever those might be. That is a very dangerous position to be in, particularly as the [[U.S. government]] is now recognizing them as the single biggest threat the country faces.
** "[https://www.forbes.com/sites/kenrapoza/2020/10/20/maria-bartiromo-takes-on-china-in-latest-book-the-cost/?sh=6dcb9dd27056 Maria Bartiromo Takes On China In Latest Book, ‘The Cost’]" (October 20, 2020)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Bartiromo, Maria}}
[[Category:1967 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Women authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Journalists from New York City]]
[[Category:Women media personalities]]
[[Category:Fox News people]]
[[Category:New York University alumni]]
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The Binding of Isaac
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{{distinguish|Binding of Isaac}}
[[File:Sacrifice of Isaac-Caravaggio (Uffizi).jpg|thumb| To prove your love and devotion, I require a sacrifice. Your son Isaac will be this sacrifice. Go into his room and end his life as an offering to me, to prove that you love me above all else!]]
'''''The Binding of Isaac''''' is an [[w:indie game|indie]] [[w:roguelike|roguelike]] video game designed by [[w:Edmund McMillen]] and Florian Himsl, initially released in 2011 for [[w:Microsoft Windows|Microsoft Windows]]; the game was later ported for [[w:OS X|OS X]], and [[Linux]] operating systems. The game's title and plot are inspired by the [[Bible|Biblical]] story of the [[w:Binding of Isaac]]. In the game, Isaac's mother receives a message from [[God]] demanding the life of her son as proof of her [[faith]], and Isaac, fearing for his life, flees into the monster-filled basement of their home where he must fight to survive. Players control Isaac or one of eleven other unlockable characters through a [[w:procedural generation|procedurally generated]] dungeon in a roguelike manner, fashioned after those of ''[[The Legend of Zelda]]'', defeating monsters in real-time combat while collecting items and power-ups to defeat [[w:boss (video games)|bosses]] and eventually Isaac's mother.
== Intro ==
:Isaac and his mother lived alone in a small house on a hill. Isaac kept to himself, drawing pictures and playing with his toys as his mom watched Christian broadcasts on the television.
:Life was simple, and they were both happy.
:That was, until the day Isaac's mom heard a voice from above: "Your son has become corrupted by sin! He needs to be saved!"
:"I will do my best to save him, my Lord," Isaac's mother replied, rushing into Isaac's room, removing all that was evil from his life.
:Again, the voice called to her:
:"Isaac's soul is still corrupt! He needs to be cut off from all that is evil in this world and confess his sins."
:"I will follow your instructions, Lord. I have faith in thee," Isaac's mother replied, as she locked Isaac away in his room, away from the evils of the world.
:One last time, Isaac's mom heard the voice of God calling to her:
:"You have done as I asked, but I still question your devotion to me. To prove your faith, I will ask one more thing of you."
:"Yes, Lord. Anything," Isaac's mother begged.
:"To prove your love and devotion, I require a sacrifice. Your son Isaac will be this sacrifice. Go into his room and end his life as an offering to me, to prove that you love me above all else!"
:"Yes, Lord," she replied, grabbing a butcher's knife from the kitchen.
:Isaac, watching through a crack in the door, trembled in fear. Scrambling around his room to find a hiding place, he noticed a trapdoor to the basement, hidden under his rug. Without hesitation, he flung open the hatch just as his mother burst through his door and threw himself down into the unknown depths below.
==External links==
{{Wikipedia|The Binding of Isaac (video game)}}
{{Wikipedia|The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth}}
[[Category:2011 video games]]
3ld8pzaf6ua3m6mz9xgn7kc96xdlz4x
Lolicon
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the term is used in 2014 manga (2015 light novel 2018 anime) "Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai" making a note to track down the chapter/book/episode. A rough kanji/romaji/english translation, he uses it again in a reply which can be added later.
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'''Lolicon''' (spelled ロリコン in katakana) or “Lolita complex” is a Japanese-originating slang from the 1970s deriving from [[Lolita|English literature]] in the 1950s/1960s. It refers to a fascination for adolescent girls, and by extension the adults (usually middle-aged men) who have that fascination. It subsequently has also been used to refer to the fixated adults themselves, and to a sweeping genre (of [[manga]], anime, games, or otherwise, including [[pornography|pornographic]]) intended which explore that interest.
==1970s==
<!--
*(original quote needed)
**1972 by novelist 澁澤龍彦 (Shibusawa Tatsuhiko) who "noted that the term would make more sense if it was the man who had the complex, not the girl" per 2009 book 高月靖著 on pages 6 and 32-33, per 2018 article at https://www.japanesewithanime.com/2018/01/lolicon.html
-->
*ロリータ・コンプレックス＝小さな子どもばかりを好きになる異常性格。
*roriita konpurekkusu = {chiisana kodomo bakari wo sukininaru} ijou-seikaku.
*Lolita complex = an abnormal personality [in which] {[one] likes only small children}.
**mid-1970s by [[Shinji Wada]] in キャベツ畑でつまずいて (pronounced "Kyabetsu-batake de Tsumazuite" meaning "Stumbling Upon a Cabbage Patch") a short story in an issue of "Bessatsu Margaret" (aka Margaret Comics) found at the bottom of page [http://www.hp-alice.com/lcj/subculture/wadashinji.html 121] (sometimes 201 in different compilations) - a note to the left as a woman elbows a man in the face
***June 1974 is the publication date stated in 2019 by Patrick W. Galbraith on page 29 of "Otaku and the Struggle for Imagination in Japan", while 1976 is when the story was included with "Asuka Futatabi" and 20 January 1978 is the dated listed by the publisher Shueisha in used manga resale descriptions
<!--
ijou-seikaku = abnormal personality
kodomo = child
chiisana = small
bakari who sukininaru = loves only
-->
*Is she the one? I didn't know you were into these things. '''Lolita complex''', right? Yeah! '''Lolita complex''' it is! I see, I see. Exactly. '''Lolita complex''', and borderline [[W:boys' love|boys' love]] on top of it.
**August 1978 in episode 11/42 of Haikara-San (aka Here Comes Miss Modern, Smart-san and Mademoiselle Anne) spoken to seventeen-year-old Benio Hanamura
***this is a cultural error since the anime is set during the 1920s Taisho period of Japan - thirty years before Lolita was published in 1955, much less Lolita Complex was invented in 1966 and Japan adopting it in the early 70s
***although Lolita Complex is not abbreviated to Lolicon here, it is notable as the first instance the phrase is used in anime, preceding both Lupin (the first film lolicon) and Urusei Yatsura (the first TV lolicon)
***it is unclear as of yet if this dialogue appears in the the preceding manga that printed from 1975 to 1977
*★ ハイ . コン ( ヘイジ コンプレックス ) 5~10<br>★ アリ . コン ( アリス コンプレックス ) 7~12<br>★ ロリ . コン ( ロリータ コンプレックス ) 10~15<br> (English translation below)<br>Hei-Con (Heidi Complex) 5-10<br>Ari-Con (Arisu Complex) 7-12<br>Rori-Con (Rorita Complex) 10-15
**27 July 1979 in volume 2 of シーベル編集部 (Cybele Henshuubu) magazine, top-right corner of last (54th) page 54
***preceding categories are based on [[Heidi of the Alps]] and [[Alice in Wonderland]]
*Cool off, lolicon count! Watch out before you get burned!
**15 December 1979 about 1h19m31s into Japanese film ルパン三世 カリオストロの城 ([[W:Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro|Lupin III: The Castle of Cagliostro]]) where Lupin (after removing his bearded disguise) insults the older Count for wanting to marry the film's adolescent damsel Clarisse d'Cagliostro
==1980s==
[[File:Lolicon Sample.png|thumb|Middle-aged mental illness that makes people fall in love with beautiful girls — Rumiko Takahashi]]
*ロリータ・コンプレックス、通称ロリコン<br>[roriita konpurekkusu tsuusyou rorikon]<br>Lolita complex, commonly known as "loli-com" [rorikon]<br>美少女を恋してしまうミドルエイジの心の病<br>[bishoujyo wo koishite shimau midoru eiji no kokoro no yamai]<br>Middle-aged mental illness that makes people fall in love with beautiful girls<br>合掌 [gasshou] praying hands [with my hands clasped in prayer]
**10 February 1982, the monk 錯乱坊 (Sakuranbou) aka チェリー (Cherry) narrating 6m50s into anime-original story あゝ個人教授！ (Ā Kojin Kyōju = "Oh Lone Teacher!") episode 16a/32 of [[Urusei Yatsura]] after Sanjuro Kuribayashi falls for seventeen-year-old Lum Invader
*二次元ロリコン<br>アニメロリコン<br>2-dimensional '''lolicon'''<br>anime '''lolicon'''
**25 June 1982 (listed as May 1982) pages 68-69 of 「アニメ世界のロリータたち・もしくはアニメ少女キャラは如何にして二次元コンプレックスしたか」『ロリコン大全集』 (`Anime sekai no rorīta-tachi moshikuwa anime shōjo kyara wa ikanishite nijigenkonpurekkusu shita ka'“rorikon taizenshū” = "Lolitas in the Anime World: How Anime Girl Characters Developed Complexes About 2D Characters" in "Lolicon Encyclopedia") 、published by Gunyusha Publishing, ISBN 4-87617-035-5
***supervised by Hirukogami Ken it included writing by authors Hideo Azuma, Aki Uchiyama, Masayuki Noguchi, Sabeano Ma, Miki Hayasaka, Koichi Yokoyama, Hinako Sugiura, Yoshihiro Yonezawa, Hide Takatori, Koji Kawamoto, and Sen no Knife
[[file:HayaoMiyazakiCCJuly09.jpg|thumb|It's difficult. [My female protagonists] immediately become playthings for Lolita Complex males. In a sense, if we want to depict someone who is affirmative to us, we have no choice but to make them as lovely as possible. But now, there are too many people who shamelessly depict [such protagonists] as if they just want [such girls] as pets, and things are escalating more and more. —[[Hayao Miyazaki]] in 1988]]
* It's difficult. [My female protagonists] immediately become playthings for Lolita Complex males. In a sense, if we want to depict someone who is affirmative to us, we have no choice but to make them as lovely as possible. But now, there are too many people who shamelessly depict [such protagonists] as if they just want [such girls] as pets, and things are escalating more and more.
**[[Hayao Miyazaki]], 1988 interview with Animage, Animage, vol. 125, November 1988. Retrieved June 8, 2007.
***young female protagonists in films Miyazaki had released by that time included Clarisse, sixteen-year-old Nausicaa, thirteen-year-old Sheeta and ten-year-old Satsuki Kusakabe
==1990s==
*classmate: ロリコン! (rorikon! = lolicon!)<br>Yuuji Yagami: オレはマザコン (ore wa mazakon = I'm a mother complex)
**May 1990 in the 3-episode OVA adaptaton of Yagami-kun no Katei no Jijō (Yagami-kun's Family Affairs) a manga that ran 1986-1990, Yagami is taunted by classmates for being in love with his mother Nomi Yagami because she has youthful features
*Hey, Tamamo! Tell me the truth! What exactly is your business today? You're in the surgery department! It can't be! You're... It could not be!No! It can't be! (screams) You want to see the chests of grade-school girls as a lolicon? And you can do whatever you want with your doctor status! No way, no way! Ah, stop being my rival already!
**autumn 1996 by Meisuke Nueno, 4m33s into episode 39 of Jigoku Sensei Nūbē (originally a manga from 1994) speaking to Kyōsuke Tamamo after he gives physical exams to Kyōko Inaba and the other girls in Class 5-3 in Dōmori Elementary
*ロリコンだ･･･
*rorikon da...
*he's a lolicon
**February 1999 in the first volume of "Azumanga Daioh" by Kiyohiko Azuma, transcript from [https://www.japanesewithanime.com/2018/01/lolicon.html January 2018 article]
==2000s==
[[File:Wikipe-tan and Adult Commons-tan Yuri.png|thumb|Lolicon aren't people. they're beasts. —Tatsuhiko Takimoto]]
*ロリコンは人間じゃない･･･ケダモノだ･･････
*rorikon wa ningen janai... kedamono da......
*lolicon aren't people... they're beasts......
**2004 in chapter 2 of N・H・Kにようこそ! ([[Welcome to the N.H.K.]]) by Tatsuhiko Takimoto, based on a light novel in 2002. Transcript from [https://www.japanesewithanime.com/2018/01/lolicon.html January 2018 article]
*It's because the technology for immortality was accidentally made during your experiments to create a lolicon's world. You froze the appearance of every woman in the world at age twelve.
**12 March 2005, Sabato Mihashigo in episode 1 of [[W:Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan|Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan]]
*You damn '''lolicon'''!
**June 2005, in page 102 of volume 1 (page 21/25 of chapter 4) of the Kodomo no Jikan manga. Rin says this to Daisuke when she notices him watchinig Kuro and Mimi.
*Takechi: "I can't kill her. Killing a little girl... is not the samurai way. Capture her alive."<br>Matako "Senpai!! You're such a lolicon!! She broke in here, we can't be so soft!"<br>"I'm not a lolicon, I'm a feminist. I must be considerate towards female enemies. Such is the path of the feminist."
**3 February 2006 in volume 11 of manga [[Gin Tama]], page 5 of chapter 91 満月は人を狂わせる ("Mangetsu wa Hito wo Kuruwaseru = "The Full Moon Drives People Crazy") exchange between Takechi Henpeita and "Red Bullet" Kijima Matako regarding mercy shown towards fourteen-year-old Kagura of Yorozuya
*She's famous among the five million members of the Nationwide '''Lolicon''' Network. The Network has awarded her with the best little girl of 2005 award!
**May 2006 in the bottom panel of the 2nd page of chapter 1 (The Phoenix and The Girl) of ロリコンフェニックス (Lolita Complex Phoenix) by Satoru Matsubayashi, in Dragon Age magazine, page 314, regarding eleven-year-old Mia Watanabe
*'''ロリコン''' 男の罠にかかったと見せかけた少女ヘイリーの正体も明かされないまま、男の自宅という密室状態で繰り広げられる1対1の攻防はスリリング。<br>'''Rorikon''' otoko no wana ni kakatta to misekaketa shōjo heirī no shōtai mo akasa renai mama, otoko no jitaku to iu misshitsu jōtai de kurihiroge rareru 1 tai 1 no kōbō wa suriringu.<br>The true identity of Haley, the girl who appears to have fallen into the '''lolicon''' man's trap, is never revealed, and the one-on-one battle that unfolds in the closed space of the man's home is thrilling.<br>..<br>'''ロリコン''' 男への制裁というひとネタだけで一気にラストまで突き進める脚本にも、洗練されたビジュアルセンスを見せる演出＆編集にも才気が溢れているのだが、本作の大きな魅力はヘイリー役のエレン・ペイジ。<br>'''Rorikon''' otoko e no seisai to iu hito neta dake de ikkini rasuto made tsukisusumeru kyakuhon ni mo, senrensareta bijuarusensu o miseru enshutsu& henshū ni mo saiki ga afurete iru nodaga, honsaku no ōkina miryoku wa heirī-yaku no eren peiji.<br>The script, which drives the film to the end with just the one plot twist of punishing a '''lolicon''' man, and the direction and editing, which show off a sophisticated visual sense, are full of talent, but the biggest draw of this film is Ellen Page in the role of Haley.
**25 July 2006 [https://eiga.com/movie/1420/critic/ article by Eiga] reviewing the 2005 movie Hard Candy starring 17yo Page as 14yo Stark
*どうすれば、才色兼備な30女をつかまえられるのか－－という趣旨の記事だった。 世界でも希有な '''ロリコン''' 優勢の日本社会において、（30女的には）ありがたい内容。<br>Dōsureba, saishokukenbina 30 on'na o tsukamae rareru no ka -- to iu shushi no kijidatta. Sekai demo keuna '''rorikon''' yūsei no Nihon shakai ni oite, (30 on'na-teki ni wa) arigatai naiyō.<br>The article was about how to catch a smart and beautiful 30-year-old woman. In Japan, where '''lolicons''' are the most prevalent in society, it was a welcome read (for a 30-year-old woman).
**21 March 2007 [https://allabout.co.jp/gm/gc/222912/ article in AllAbout]
*全てのオタク・萌え・非モテを中心に、コスプレイヤー、メイドさん、ニート、引きこもり、 '''ロリコン'''、 ショタコン、 腐女子、 腐男子、 ゲイ、 ビアン、 性的マイノリティー、 貧乏人、 ワーキングプア層、 苦学生、よっぱらい、 その他諸々の大バカモノと少数者はもはや結集するしかない！<br>Subete no otaku moe hi mote o chūshin ni, kosupureiyā, meido-san, nīto, hiki komori, '''rorikon''', shotakon, fujoshi, fudanshi, gei, bian,-sei-teki mainoritī, binbōnin, wākingupua-sō,-ku gakusei, yopparai, sonota moromoro no dai baka mono to shōsū-sha wa mohaya kesshū suru shika nai!<br>All otaku, moe, and non-popular people, as well as cosplayers, maids, NEETs, hikikomori, '''lolicons''', shotacons, fujoshi and fudanshi, gays, lesbians, sexual minorities, poor people, the working poor, struggling students, drunks, and all other kinds of idiots and minorities, have no choice but to unite!
**30 June 2007 [https://ascii.jp/elem/000/000/047/47789/ article in ASCII.jp]
[[File:PF14 DSC1714 106.jpg|thumb|I like normal girls too, not just little ones. So you should say I'm ''also'' a lolicon. — Soujiro Izumi]]
*Konata: "I was just wondering... If a guy in our class confesses his love for me or Yu-chan... Does it make that guy a lolicon?"<br>Soujiro: "Well, they're in the same class year... so technically it wouldn't. But in this case, there would be an emphasis on your appearances... Hypothetically... If you were a thirty-year-old who looked like a grade schooler... Then you could say that guy is into older women... This is quite a complicated issue. It's hard to come up with a strict interpretation."<br>..<br>Konata: "If you fell in love with mom, and you dote on a daughter like me... That makes you a lolicon, right?"<br>Soujiro: "Hold it right there. I think you're a bit mistaken. I like normal girls too, not just little ones. So you should say I'm ''also'' a lolicon. Though I suppose it depends on the character we're talking about."<br>Konata "Either way, you fail as a human being."
**2 September 2007 exchanges between seventeen-year-old Konata Izumi and her father Soujiro Izumi in ここにある彼方 ("Koko ni Aru Kanata" = "The Yonder Here") episode 22 of [[Lucky Star]]
*Daisuke "I mean, it's not about adult breasts."<br>Kyoko "Not adult? Th-then that means... '''loli'''?!"
**26 October 2007 exchange 5m50s into "Rapid Upbringing" the 3rd episode of the Kodomo no Jikan anime. This is an anime-original scene not adapted from any of the chapters, and precedes Rin sharing her strawberry milk with Kuro.
*Aogami "To be able to enjoy scolding from a child like that...Kamiya-yan you'll gain plenty of experience points!"<br>Kamiya "So not only are you a lolicon, you're also an M? God, you're hopeless."<br>Aogami "It's not like -I like lolis- but rather -I also like lolis-"
**4 October 2008 regarding Tsukuyomi Komoe in episode 1 of the anime adaptation of "A Certain Magical Index" (reference is absent in chapter 3 of the manga which this scene was adapted from)
* In this case you obviously have read lolicon, and I haven't. I don't know whether you're writing from personal experience here, and whether you have personally been incited to rape children or give inappropriate hugs by reading it. (I assume you haven't. I assume that Chris Handley, with his huge manga collection, wasn't either. I've read books that claimed that exposure to porn causes rape, but have seen no statistical evidence that porn causes rape -- and indeed have seen [http://jurist.law.pitt.edu/forumy/2006/06/rape-porn-and-criminality-political.php claims that the declining number of US rapes may be due to the wider availability of porn]. Honestly, I think it's a red herring in First Amendment matters, and I'll leave it for other people to argue about.) Still, you seem to want lolicon banned, and people prosecuted for owning it, and I don't. You ask, What makes it worth defending? and the only answer I can give is this: Freedom to write, freedom to read, freedom to own material that you believe is worth defending means you're going to have to stand up for stuff you don't believe is worth defending, even stuff you find actively distasteful, because laws are big blunt instruments that do not differentiate between what you like and what you don't, because prosecutors are humans and bear grudges and fight for re-election, because one person's obscenity is another person's art.
** [[Neil Gaiman]], [https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2008/12/why-defend-freedom-of-icky-speech.html Why defend freedom of icky speech?], Neil Gaiman's Journal (1 December 2008)
*"It's perfectly okay. I also hold some interest in this kid."<br>"Aikawa.. you are, as I thought, a lolicon."<br>"I'm not one for sure. I don't have any interest towards her in a sexual way. Rather, why don't you make a move?"<br>"Hey, Aikawa, don't put me in the same category as you. I, on the other hand, prefer mature women."<br>"How should I tell you that even though I'm in the flat-chested faction, I'm not a lolicon."<br>"I got it. I got it. Don't be so serious about it. Lolicon."
**20 January 2009 in Koreha Zombie Desuka Light Novel Volume 01, pages 36-37 of 252 (unclear if this was adapted into a manga chapter or anime episode in later years)
*「ロリコン」は航空自衛隊・ブルーインパルスの展示飛行課目の一つで、「ローリング・コンバット・ピッチ」の略称。<br>`Rorikon' wa kōkūjieitai burūinparusu no tenji hikō kamoku no hitotsu de,`rōringu konbatto pitchi' no ryakushō.<br>"Lolicon" is one of the demonstration flight events of the Japan Air Self-Defense Force's Blue Impulse, and is an abbreviation for "Rolling Combat Pitch."
**4 March 2009 in [https://ichigaya.keizai.biz/headline/520/ Ichigaya Keizi Biz article titled 「赤いきつね」「ロリコン」？－防衛省協力雑誌で自衛隊用語を解説
== 2010s ==
[[file:Ken Hirukogami.png|thumb|Score one victory for children and one defeat for sexual predation – right? But was the man really Lolicon? Tests are indicative, not infallible. What if he wasn’t? Whose victory is it then? —Kuchikomi in 2015]]
[[File:COMICエルオーlogo.svg|thumb|LO's readers want 9-year-olds, 8 is too young.]]
[[File:One Punch Man Cosplay - MCM Comic Con 2016 (27122903260).jpg|thumb|I'm not a lolicon, I prefer a plump figure, matured lady —Yusuke Murata]]
<!--more specifics needed before adding
1) Tomoko in WataMote (2011+ manga or 2013 anime) quote about not even lolicons fall for her (ep number and date needed)
2) Mayoi Hachikuji and Hitagi Senjougahara speculation about Koyomi Araragi being a lolicon (ep number and date needed)
-->
*彼氏と一緒に卒業した学校へ忍び込む設定で、制服や競泳水着など学生コスプレを披露。「自分で言うのもなんですけど、わたし '''ロリコン''' なので、制服とか水着みたいに '''ロリ''' っぽい衣装好きなんです」と満足げに話した。<br>Kareshi to issho ni sotsugyō shita gakkō e shinobikomu settei de, seifuku ya kyōei mizugi nado gakusei kosupure o hirō. `Jibun de iu no mo nandesukedo, watashi '''rorikon''' na node, seifuku toka mizugi mitai ni '''rori''' ppoi ishō-sukina ndesu' to manzoku-ge ni hanashita.<br>In the setting where she sneaks into the school she graduated from with her boyfriend, she shows off cosplay costumes such as a uniform and a competitive swimsuit. "I know it sounds like I'm a '''lolicon''', but I like '''loli'''-like clothes like uniforms and swimsuits," she said with satisfaction.
**16 January 2010 interview with 21-year-old gravure idol Kii Kizuki reported 18 January 2010 [https://www.sponichi.co.jp/entertainment/news/2010/01/18/kiji/K20100118Z00000020.html?page=1 in Sponichi article] titled 自称「ロリコン」娘 = Jishō `rorikon' musume = A self-proclaimed "Lolicon" girl
*もしもし、おまわりさんですか。近所の'''ロリペドハイブリッドさん'''について情報提供をしたいのですが<br>Moshimoshi, omawarisandesu ka. Kinjo no '''roripedohaiburiddo-san''' ni tsuite jōhō teikyō o shitai nodesuga<br>Hello, is this a police officer? I'd like to report a '''loli-pedo hybrid''' in my neighborhood.
**25 May 2011 in volume 3 chapter 1 of the light novel series 変態王子と笑わない猫 (Hentai Ōji to Warawanai Neko = The Pervert Prince and the Unsmiling Cat aka HenNeko)
<!-- probably included in HenNeko's manga adaptation around 2012, chapter number needed-->
*ロリ巨乳<br>rori kyonyū<br>Loli BigBoobs
**15 March 2013 in volume 1 of light novel series Danjon ni Deai o Motomeru no wa Machigatte Iru Darō ka ("Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?") aka DanMachi or Familia Myth, regarding Hestia, a youthful-looking goddess who is thousands of years old, with large breasts (the "oppai loli" genre)
***this slang also appears in subsequent manga and anime adaptations of the franchise
*I'd like to report a '''loli-pedo hybrid''' pervert in the neighborhood.
**1 June 2013 in season 1 episode 8 (6m17s) of HenNeko's anime adaption
<!--
*TBA statement about Roxy upon protagonist meeting her, resembling manga/anime below
**23 January 2014 in volume 1 of Mushoku Tensei light novel series
-->
:'''Megumin''': “Are… are you okay, Kazuma? Did you deplete your mana? I should say that was a close one. If things escalates…”
:'''Kazuma''' “I would be labeled a lolicon. Too close… ah, Megumin, sorry to trouble you, but can you help me wipe my body? I am completely out of mana and can’t move. I will catch a cold if I lie down here.” I lay face down on the floor, asking for her help without seeing Megumin’s face, but
:'''Megumin''' “… Hey, why will you be labeled a lolicon if you bathe with me, explain clearly. You have guts to say such things when you can’t move.”
**28 February 2014 (English translation 22 August 2017) in volume 3 (2nd chapter: part 5) of KonoSuba light novel series
<!--
*くたばれ, !<br>Kutabare, '''Lolicon'''-Hen!<br>Drop dead, Lolicon Pervert!"
**chapter ? of 青春ブタ野郎 ("Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai" meaning "Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai" or AoButa) manga published 2014+, Tomoe Koga refers to high-schooler protagonist Sakuta Azusagawa as a lolicon whilst kicking him after observing after helping a younger girl in the street, present in the 2018 anime adaptation in episode ?
-->
*A lolita magician! Score!! Hmm... "Roxy," huh? '''Loli''', scornful eyes, blunt. How perfect.
**2 May 2014 in chapter 1 of Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation manga
*Kuki-chan, the truth is... I am a lolicon! I am a lolicon. A true lolicon. My strike zone for women lies between seven and twelve years old. In other words... Anyone works for me. Even you... Lolicon is not a disease! It is a way of life! Even I realize that I'm a pervert! But all the same, Chifuyu-chan was willing to accept me. Just being able to play with Chifuyu-chan satisfies me!
**27 October 2014, fifteen-year-old Jurai Andō speaking to nine-year-old Madoka Kuki about nine-year-old Chifuyu Himeki during "Capricious Lady", episode 4 of [[When Supernatural Battles Became Commonplace]] aka InoBato
*サイテー！！ロリコン！！
*saitee!! rorikon!!
*the worst!! lolicon!!
**January 2015 in the 2nd chapter of the manga Africa no Sararīman (aka African Office Worker) by Gamu, after a toucan is accused by a joshi kousei (high school girl) on the subway
*Lolicon? Asuna-san, as a member of the medical practice, that's a term you must never use .. pedophilia should be distinguished from the vague concept commonly referred to as "lolicon".
**20 February 2015, in episode 2 (ロリコンはどこから病気なの？ = "Rorikon wa Doko kara Byōki na no?" = "In What Point is Lolicon a Disease?") of anime series マンガで分かる心療内科 ("Anime de Wakaru Shinryounaika" dubbed "Comical Psychosomatic Medicine") psychologist Dr. Ryou speaking to Nurse Asuna
*Goth-Loli Shoujo!
**2015 in anime episode of ''Gate: Jieitai Kanochi nite, Kaku Tatakaeri'', a soldier referring to the entrance of Rory Mercury
* “We’ve been using MMPI for the past five years,” Shukan Bunshun hears from an unnamed school board executive in an unnamed prefecture. “It’s possible, certainly, that Lolicons or people with other questionable sexual tendencies will find ways to hide that. On the other hand, we have noticed that, compared with prefectures that don’t use MMPI, our episodes of obscene behavior have decreased – to zero, in fact, over the past couple of years.” <br> From another school board official in another prefecture Shukan Bunshun hears this story: A young applicant came across to examiners as very impressive. His written test results were tops. In interviews he conveyed fluently and convincingly his ideas concerning education. And yet there was something ever so slightly odd about him. He seemed, at times, to be looking about him furtively and uneasily. Perhaps it meant nothing. <br> On the other hand, you can’t be too careful where children are concerned. The board sent the applicant’s MMPI to a qualified counselor for expert scrutiny. Sure enough, the expert detected Lolicon tendencies. The man was not hired. <br> Score one victory for children and one defeat for sexual predation – right? But was the man really Lolicon? Tests are indicative, not infallible. What if he wasn’t? Whose victory is it then?
**22 July 2015, Kuchikomi, [https://japantoday.com/category/features/kuchikomi/lolicon-teachers-a-growing-concern "'Lolicon' teachers a growing concern"], ''Japan Today''
*LOの担当さんから打ち合わせの時、<br>「このキャラ９歳にしてはちょっと幼く見えますね」と言われる。<br>じゃあ設定を変えて８歳ということにしますかと答えたら、<br>「LOの読者層が求めているのは９歳で、８歳は幼すぎる。絵の方を変えて！」と言われる。<br>LOのこだわりはこの次元なのだ。<br>When I was making arrangements with my boss:<br>"These characters look a little young for 9."<br>When I suggested making them 8 instead:<br>"LO's readers want 9-year-olds, 8 is too young. Change the picture instead!"<br>This is the level of fine-tuning at LO.
**27 November 2015 [https://web.archive.org/web/20181207081718/https://twitter.com/michiluhome/status/670180428741869569 tweet] by Amagappa Shōjogun, manga artist for Comic LO (an acronym standing for Lolita Only) translated into English 3 December 2015 in [https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/interest/2015-12-03/manga-editor-provides-glimpse-of-lolicon-magazine-standards/.96058 AnimeNewsNetwork] article by Eric Stimson entitled "Manga Editor Provides Glimpse of Lolicon Magazine's Standards"
*I'm not a lolicon, I prefer a plump figure, matured lady, so I'd say Fubuki...But the Fubuki from ONE sensei version is not plump at all...This version of Fubuki is fully based on my own liking and preferences.<br>I love boobs since I was young, and the back, waist and the butt, I'm having fun time drawing them! Tastumaki is not my cup of tea, but turns out that I'm having fun drawing her as well!<br>..<br>Previously I never draw any loli-like character, when I'm drawing Tastumaki I spent many effort on drawing the ass.
**13 December 2015 by Yusuke Murata (the writer of [[W:One Punch Man|One Punch Man]]) when asked "The type of girl you like?"
*Me, I'm not interested in small little loli, really, hahaha, sorry I lied, I like her very much.<br>I have the original Zenko version here, she looks older.<br>This is the version that I decided not to use, she looks older right?<br>I'm not good in drawing little girls, I'm always drawing it too tall in the first place, even for Tatsumaki.
**31 December 2015 by Yusuke Murata (the writer of One Punch Man) when asked "Stupid question, do you like Zenko?" in an interview
*I used to struggle when I'm drawing Saitama, as for now I'd say Tatsumaki. I'm not good in drawing loli, I like drawing thicc figures.
**31 January 2016 [https://video.ibm.com/channel/nebu-kuro1 video interview] by Yusuke Murata, the creator of One Punch Man, answering the question "Anything you are not good at drawing?" Tatsumaki is a green-haired petite twenty-eight-year-old woman.
*'''Kazuma Satou''': "I almost got branded a lolicon."<br>'''Megumin''': [cracking her knuckles] "Why don't you explain exactly why getting into the bath with me makes you a lolicon?"
**19 January 2017 exchange in "A Friend For This Crimson Demon Girl!" s2e2 of [[KonoSuba]] (Megumin is a flat-chested girl who was thirteen at the time, Satou was sixteen)
*'''Megumin''': "I will be fourteen next month."<br>'''Kazuma''' Satou: "Wait, fourteen? Seriously? You're not gonna be a loli character anymore?"<br>'''Megumin''': "A loli character!?"<br>'''Kazuma Satou''': "Oof...I was this close to becoming a certified lolicon for real..."<br>'''Megumin''': "Why don't you tell me how bathing with me certifies you as a lolicon?"
**9 March 2017 (English translation 14 November 2017) in volume 5 of Konosuba's manga adaptation (chapter 25) with similar dialogue as well as a unique new exchange added preceding it
*I'm actually quite shocked, too. This country is full of lolicons. I can understand finding little girls cute, but... you people take it too far.
**23 January 2019 by Naofumi Itami ~2m55s into 災厄の波 ("Saiyaku no Nami" = "Wave of Catastrophe") episode 3 of [[The Rising of Shield Hero]] lamenting the new attention that his bodyguard Raphtalia is getting from villagers (flashbacks are shown of them giving her unsolicited gifts) after having matured from her initial pre-pubescent form into a mid-pubescent form
==2020s==
[[File:Anime Las Vegas 2025 Cyberpunk Edgerunners (54515044617).jpg|thumb|The loli must stay. —[[W:Studio Trigger|Studio Trigger]]]]
*"Huh? Why do you have these manga, sensei?"<br>"No, those aren't-"<br>"Isnt this series notorious for being banned because of how it creates sex criminals?"<br>"No, listen, I'm not into that stuff..."<br>"Sensei, all this time I thought you were a simple lolicon...but I never thought you were a full-blown pedocon!"<br>"Hey, I'm not a pedocon! I've never opened any of those books!"<br>"Don't lie... all these manga have heavy-reading grudge stains!"<br>"Look, a dumb college buddy sent me those as parting gifts. I couldn't throw them out, but I..."<br>"You were friends with a fellow pedocon back home?"<br>"That's how you see it?"<br>"You married that girl after you knocked her up when she was 16. But this could mean you actually started violating that girl when she was only 15, 14, 13, or even younger than that..."<br>"NGH! Believe me, I'm not a lolicon! And I'm no pedo..."<br>"Make me believe!"
**2020+ in "Chii-tan's Sexual Deviancy Test", pages 4 to 6 of volume 5 chapter 33 of おれはロリコンじゃない! (oreha rorikon janai!) meaning "I'm not a lolicon!", a Seinen manga by Uran. This follows student Chise discovering volumes 3 and 4 of manga in protagonist teacher Shouji Osamu's room titled "Kindergartener of Innocence - The Most Risque Comedy - Over 190,000 copies in circulation". The entire ORJ series is 56 chapters spread across 8 volumes.
*'''Loli''', fierce eyes, not friendly.
**11 January 2021 in episode 1 of "Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation" anime, describing Roxy Migurdia, a woman in her forties with a slender body
*[[W:CD Projekt Red|CD Projekt Red]] first got the character design for Rebecca and they were like 'She's a loli. Lolis don't exist in Night City. It doesn't fit the [[Cyberpunk 2077]] aesthetic'. But [[W:Studio Trigger|Trigger]] was like 'No, the loli must stay.'
**September 2022 [https://clips.twitch.tv/CaringPoliteAmazonHeyGirl-dGJ3URlIt9FfAZ-4 statement on Twitch] by female producer for CD Projekt Red, quoting a conflict between CDPR and Studio Trigger, the creators of Edgerunners
***16 September 2022 [https://www.thegamer.com/cyberpunk-edgerunners-rebecca-age-character-design/ article] by Rhiannon Bevan of The Gamer reported on this
*Various priests: "It's a loli! .. Our order has been blessed with a loli! .. Look how loli-licious she is! .. LoliLoli!"<br>Megumin "The next person to say "loli" is going to catch these hands!"<br>Priest "God, she a is a LOLI loli"
**18 May 2023 in episode 7 ("Troublemakers of the City of Water") of "KonoSuba: An Explosion on This Wonderful World!" an anime based on the 2014 prequel to the main KonoSuba series, starring Megumin when she was twelve
***the preceding manga (volume 3 chapter 9) has a less prolonged dialogue: a single priest says "A loli has seen the light of our church" and Megumin replies "If you say loli one more time you're going to get it!"
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:Japan]]
[[Category:Psychology]]
[[Category:anime]]
[[Category:Manga]]
[[Category:Sexuality]]
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During the [[1971 Bangladesh war for independence]], members of the Pakistani military and Razakar '''[[w:Rape during the Bangladesh Liberation War|raped between 200,000 and 400,000 Bangladeshi women and girls in a systematic campaign of genocidal rape]]'''. Most of the rape victims of the Pakistani Army and its allies were Hindu women. [[w:Imam|Imam]]s and Muslim religious leaders declared the women "war booty" and supported the rapes. The activists and leaders of Islamic parties are also accused to be involved in the rapes and abduction of women.
==Quotes==
* Soldiers were incited to mass-rape the women in order to mutate the Hindu Bengali gene. This is what was said by Punjabi officers to Punjabi soldiers. This is what they did. In March 1971, West Pakistan invaded East Pakistan. Rapes and massacres took place. In one night alone, occupying soldiers, accompanied by their collaborators, invaded the student hostels at the university. Hundreds of students disappeared. Left-wing intellectuals were traced and shot. Sheikh Mujib was arrested and brought to a West Pakistani prison. His party went underground and prepared to resist. Pakistan's greatest poet, Faiz Ahined Faiz, wrote of 'eyes washed with blood'.
** [[Tariq Ali]] - The Clash of Fundamentalisms, Crusades, Jihads and Modernity (2002)
* Soldiers were told that Bengalis were relatively recent converts to Islam and hence not “proper Muslims”—their genes needed improving. This was the justification for the campaign of mass rape.
** [[Tariq Ali]] The Duel_ Pakistan on the Flight Path of American Power (2008)
*The locals said there was widespread rape. This was confirmed by Sydney Schanberg of the New York Times, who, interviewing refugees in India, found that almost all of them were Hindus, who said that they were still specifically hounded by the Pakistan army. Schanberg remembers, “There were stories about rape by the Pakistani army, and those were true. Story after story. It was quite clear this had really happened.”
** Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide. ch 16
* The stories were so extreme I didn't know what to think. The lecture we'd been given about the dangers of rape during freshman orientation week at Radcliffe had initially seemed as unbelievable. I had never even heard of rape until I came to America and the very possibility of it kept me from going out alone at night for the next four years. After the lecture, the possibility of rape at Harvard was real to me. The rape of East Bengal was not. I found security in the official jingoistic line in our part of the world that the reports in the Western press were 'exaggerated' and a 'Zionist plot' against an Islamic state.
**[[Benazir Bhutto]], Daughter of the East : an autobiography
* ...Some army officer raided Rokeya Hall on 7 October 1971. Accompanied by five soldiers, Major Aslam had first visited the hostel on 3 October and asked the superintendent to supply some girls who could sing and dance at a function to be held in Tejgaon Cantonment. The superintendent told him that most of the girls had left the hostel after the disturbances and only 40 students were residing but as a superintendent of a girls' hostel she should not allow them to go to the cantonment for this purpose. Dissatisfied, Major Aslam went away. Soon after the superintendent informed a higher army officer in the cantonment, over the telephone, of the Major' s mission. However, on 7 October at about 8 pm. Major Aslam and his men raided the hostel. The soldiers broke open the doors, dragged the girls out and stripped them before raping and torturing them in front of the helpless superintendent. The entire thing was done so openly without any provocation, that even the Karachi-based newspaper, Dawn, had to publish the story, violating censorship by the military authorities. In seven days after liberation about 300 girls were recovered from different places around Dacca where they had been taken away and kept confined by the Pakistani army men. On 26 December altogether 55 emaciated and half-dead girls on the verge of mental derangement were recovered by the Red Cross with the help of the Mukti Bahini and the allied forces from various hideouts of the Pakistani army in Narayanganj, Dacca Cantonment and other small towns on the periphery of Dacca city.
** Excerpts from Genocide in Bangladesh by Kalyan Chaudhury, pp 157–158: Kalyan Chaudhury (1972). Genocide in Bangladesh. Bombay: Orient Longman. pp. 157–158.
*When asked if the usual figures of the number of women raped by the Pakistani Army, 200-400,000, are accurate, Dr. Davis states that they are underestimated: <br>...Probably the numbers are very conservative compared with what they did. The descriptions of how they captured towns were very interesting. They’d keep the infantry back and put artillery ahead and they would shell the hospitals and schools. And that caused absolute chaos in the town. And then the infantry would go in and begin to segregate the women. Apart from little children, all those were sexually matured would be segregated..And then the women would be put in the compound under guard and made available to the troops...Some of the stories they told were appalling. Being raped again and again and again. A lot of them died in those [rape] camps. There was an air of disbelief about the whole thing. Nobody could credit that it really happened! But the evidence clearly showed that it did happen.
**Dr. Geoffrey Davis, quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/worldviews/2012/05/21/1971-rapes-bangladesh-cannot-hide-history/ 1971 Rapes: Bangladesh Cannot Hide History]
*Like the Japanese during World War II and the Red Army in its victorious march through Eastern Europe in 1945, the West Pakistanis were singularly devoted to raping any women in sight. Many were repeatedly raped in their homes or on the streets and then killed. Many were taken to military installations where they were kept and raped repeatedly, in some cases until they died. According to one report, for example, 700 naked women were liberated from the army cantonment at Moinamati. Of those women that survived the war, perhaps 200,000 or more may have been raped, at least according to a postwar figure that gained wide currency.
** [[R.J. Rummel]], DEATH BY GOVERNMENT, by R.J. Rummel New Brunswick, N.J.: Transaction Publishers, 1994
*When mass rapes occurred in the course of aggressive war in Bangladesh and later in Bosnia, Mother Teresa in the first case and the Pope in the second made strenuous appeals to the victims not to abort the seed of the invader and the violator.
**[[Christopher Hitchens|Hitchens, C.]] (2012). The missionary position: Mother Theresa in theory and practice.
* [Aubrey Menen, sent on a reporting assignment to Bangladesh, reconstructed the modus operandi of one hit-and-run rape:] ...And so on, until all the six had raped the belle of the village. Then all six left, hurriedly. The father found his daughter lying on the string cot unconscious and bleeding. Her husband was crouched on the floor, kneeling over his vomit.
** Aubrey Menen, the Indian Catholic novelist, reconstructed the modus operandi of one hit-and-run rape. As quoted in Susan Brownmiller, Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape
=== Susan Brownmiller, ''Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape'' (1975) ===
: [[Susan Brownmiller]], Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape
*A stream of victims and eyewitnesses tell how truckloads of Pakistani soldiers and their hireling razakars swooped down on villages in the night, rounding up women by force. Some were raped on the spot. Others were carried off to military compounds. Some women were still there when Indian troops battled their way into Pakistani strongholds. Weeping survivors of villages razed because they were suspected of siding with the Mukti Bahini freedom fighters told of how wives were raped before the eyes of their bound husbands, who were then put to death.
*The Reverend Kentaro Buma reported that more than 200,000 Bengali women had been raped by Pakistani soldiers during the nine-month conflict, a figure that had been supplied to him by Bangladesh authorities in Dacca. Thousands of the raped women had become pregnant, he said. And by tradition, no Moslem husband would take back a wife who had been touched by another man, even if she had been subdued by force.
*Galvanized for the first time in history over the issue of rape in war, international aid for Bengali victims was coordinated by alert officials in the London office of the International Planned Parenthood Federation.
*Bengal was a state of 75 million people, officially East Pakistan, when the Bangladesh government declared its independence in March of 1971 with the support of India. Troops from West Pakistan were flown to the East to put down the rebellion. During the nine-month terror, terminated by the two-week armed intervention of India, a possible three million persons lost their lives, ten million fled across the border to India, and 200,000, 300,000 or possibly 400,000 women (three sets of statistics have been variously quoted) were raped. Eighty percent of the raped women were Moslems, reflecting the population of Bangladesh, but Hindu and Christian women were not exempt. As Moslems, most Bengali women were used to living in purdah, strict, veiled isolation that includes separate, secluded shelter arrangements apart from men, even in their own homes.
* Hit-and-run rape of large numbers of Bengali women was brutally simple in terms of logistics as the Pakistani regulars swept through and occupied the tiny, populous land, an area little larger than the state of New York. (Bangladesh is the most overcrowded country in the world.) The Mukti Bahini “freedom fighters” were hardly an effective counterforce. According to victims, Moslem Biharis who collaborated with the Pakistani Army—the hireling razakars—were most enthusiastic rapists. In the general breakdown of law and order, Mukti Bahini themselves committed rape, a situation reminiscent of World War II when Greek and Italian peasant women became victims of whatever soldiers happened to pass through their village.
*Rape in Bangladesh had hardly been restricted to beauty. Girls of eight and grandmothers of seventy-five had been sexually assaulted during the nine-month repression. Pakistani soldiers had not only violated Bengali women on the spot; they abducted tens of hundreds and held them by force in their military barracks for nightly use. The women were kept naked to prevent their escape.
*Khadiga, thirteen years old, was interviewed by a photojournalist in Dacca. She was walking to school with four other girls when they were kidnapped by a gang of Pakistani soldiers. All five were put in a military brothel in Mohammedpur and held captive for six months until the end of the war. Khadiga was regularly abused by two men a day; others, she said, had to service seven to ten men daily. (Some accounts have mentioned as many as eighty assaults in a single night, a bodily abuse that is beyond my ability to fully comprehend, even as I write these words.) At first, Khadiga said, the soldiers tied a gag around her mouth to keep her from screaming. As the months wore on and the captives’ spirit was broken, the soldiers devised a simple quid pro quo. They withheld the daily ration of food until the girls had submitted, to the full quota.
*The most serious crisis was pregnancy. Accurate statistics on the number of raped women who found themselves with child were difficult to determine but 25,000 is the generally accepted figure. Less speculative was the attitude of the raped, pregnant women. Few cared to bear their babies. Those close to birth expressed little interest in the fate of the child.
*A Catholic convent in Calcutta, Mother Theresa’s, opened its doors in Dacca to women who were willing to offer their babies for overseas adoption, but despite the publicity accorded to Mother Theresa, few rape victims actually came to her shelter. Those who learned of the option chose to have an abortion.... [[w:Planned Parenthood|Planned Parenthood]], in cooperation with the newly created Bangladesh Central Organization for Women’s Rehabilitation, set up clinics in Dacca and seventeen outlying areas to cope with the unwanted pregnancies.
*[[Mulk Raj Anand]], an Indian novelist, was convinced of conspiracy. The rapes were so systematic and pervasive that they had to be conscious Army policy, “planned by the West Pakistanis in a deliberate effort to create a new race” or to dilute Bengali nationalism, Anand passionately told reporters.
*The story of Bangladesh was unique in one respect. For the first time in history the rape of women in war, and the complex aftermath of mass assault, received serious international attention. The desperate need of Sheik Mujibur Rahman’s government for international sympathy and financial aid was part of the reason; a new [[Feminism|feminist]] consciousness that encompassed rape as a political issue and a growing, practical acceptance of abortion as a solution to unwanted pregnancy were contributing factors of critical importance. And so an obscure war in an obscure corner of the globe, to Western eyes, provided the setting for an examination of the “unspeakable” crime. For once, the particular terror of unarmed women facing armed men had full hearing.
== See also ==
*[[Crimes against humanity]]
*[[Cruelty]]
*[[Feminism]]
*[[Human rights]]
*[[International Criminal Court]]
*[[International law]]
*[[Rape]]
*[[Rule of law]]
*[[Sex offender]]
*[[Torture]]
*[[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]
*[[Violence against women]]
*[[War crimes]]
*[[Women]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[W:Wartime sexual violence|Wartime sexual violence]]
[[Category:Bangladesh]]
[[Category:1971 Bangladesh genocide]]
[[Category:Rape|Bangladesh Liberation War]]
[[Category:Violence against women in Asia]]
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During the [[1971 Bangladesh war for independence]], members of the Pakistani military and Razakar '''[[w:Rape during the Bangladesh Liberation War|raped between 200,000 and 400,000 Bangladeshi women and girls in a systematic campaign of genocidal rape]]'''. Most of the rape victims of the Pakistani Army and its allies were Hindu women.
==Quotes==
* Soldiers were incited to mass-rape the women in order to mutate the Hindu Bengali gene. This is what was said by Punjabi officers to Punjabi soldiers. This is what they did. In March 1971, West Pakistan invaded East Pakistan. Rapes and massacres took place. In one night alone, occupying soldiers, accompanied by their collaborators, invaded the student hostels at the university. Hundreds of students disappeared. Left-wing intellectuals were traced and shot. Sheikh Mujib was arrested and brought to a West Pakistani prison. His party went underground and prepared to resist. Pakistan's greatest poet, Faiz Ahined Faiz, wrote of 'eyes washed with blood'.
** [[Tariq Ali]] - The Clash of Fundamentalisms, Crusades, Jihads and Modernity (2002)
* Soldiers were told that Bengalis were relatively recent converts to Islam and hence not “proper Muslims”—their genes needed improving. This was the justification for the campaign of mass rape.
** [[Tariq Ali]] The Duel_ Pakistan on the Flight Path of American Power (2008)
*The locals said there was widespread rape. This was confirmed by Sydney Schanberg of the New York Times, who, interviewing refugees in India, found that almost all of them were Hindus, who said that they were still specifically hounded by the Pakistan army. Schanberg remembers, “There were stories about rape by the Pakistani army, and those were true. Story after story. It was quite clear this had really happened.”
** Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide. ch 16
* The stories were so extreme I didn't know what to think. The lecture we'd been given about the dangers of rape during freshman orientation week at Radcliffe had initially seemed as unbelievable. I had never even heard of rape until I came to America and the very possibility of it kept me from going out alone at night for the next four years. After the lecture, the possibility of rape at Harvard was real to me. The rape of East Bengal was not. I found security in the official jingoistic line in our part of the world that the reports in the Western press were 'exaggerated' and a 'Zionist plot' against an Islamic state.
**[[Benazir Bhutto]], Daughter of the East : an autobiography
* ...Some army officer raided Rokeya Hall on 7 October 1971. Accompanied by five soldiers, Major Aslam had first visited the hostel on 3 October and asked the superintendent to supply some girls who could sing and dance at a function to be held in Tejgaon Cantonment. The superintendent told him that most of the girls had left the hostel after the disturbances and only 40 students were residing but as a superintendent of a girls' hostel she should not allow them to go to the cantonment for this purpose. Dissatisfied, Major Aslam went away. Soon after the superintendent informed a higher army officer in the cantonment, over the telephone, of the Major' s mission. However, on 7 October at about 8 pm. Major Aslam and his men raided the hostel. The soldiers broke open the doors, dragged the girls out and stripped them before raping and torturing them in front of the helpless superintendent. The entire thing was done so openly without any provocation, that even the Karachi-based newspaper, Dawn, had to publish the story, violating censorship by the military authorities. In seven days after liberation about 300 girls were recovered from different places around Dacca where they had been taken away and kept confined by the Pakistani army men. On 26 December altogether 55 emaciated and half-dead girls on the verge of mental derangement were recovered by the Red Cross with the help of the Mukti Bahini and the allied forces from various hideouts of the Pakistani army in Narayanganj, Dacca Cantonment and other small towns on the periphery of Dacca city.
** Excerpts from Genocide in Bangladesh by Kalyan Chaudhury, pp 157–158: Kalyan Chaudhury (1972). Genocide in Bangladesh. Bombay: Orient Longman. pp. 157–158.
*When asked if the usual figures of the number of women raped by the Pakistani Army, 200-400,000, are accurate, Dr. Davis states that they are underestimated: <br>...Probably the numbers are very conservative compared with what they did. The descriptions of how they captured towns were very interesting. They’d keep the infantry back and put artillery ahead and they would shell the hospitals and schools. And that caused absolute chaos in the town. And then the infantry would go in and begin to segregate the women. Apart from little children, all those were sexually matured would be segregated..And then the women would be put in the compound under guard and made available to the troops...Some of the stories they told were appalling. Being raped again and again and again. A lot of them died in those [rape] camps. There was an air of disbelief about the whole thing. Nobody could credit that it really happened! But the evidence clearly showed that it did happen.
**Dr. Geoffrey Davis, quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/worldviews/2012/05/21/1971-rapes-bangladesh-cannot-hide-history/ 1971 Rapes: Bangladesh Cannot Hide History]
*Like the Japanese during World War II and the Red Army in its victorious march through Eastern Europe in 1945, the West Pakistanis were singularly devoted to raping any women in sight. Many were repeatedly raped in their homes or on the streets and then killed. Many were taken to military installations where they were kept and raped repeatedly, in some cases until they died. According to one report, for example, 700 naked women were liberated from the army cantonment at Moinamati. Of those women that survived the war, perhaps 200,000 or more may have been raped, at least according to a postwar figure that gained wide currency.
** [[R.J. Rummel]], DEATH BY GOVERNMENT, by R.J. Rummel New Brunswick, N.J.: Transaction Publishers, 1994
*When mass rapes occurred in the course of aggressive war in Bangladesh and later in Bosnia, Mother Teresa in the first case and the Pope in the second made strenuous appeals to the victims not to abort the seed of the invader and the violator.
**[[Christopher Hitchens|Hitchens, C.]] (2012). The missionary position: Mother Theresa in theory and practice.
* [Aubrey Menen, sent on a reporting assignment to Bangladesh, reconstructed the modus operandi of one hit-and-run rape:] ...And so on, until all the six had raped the belle of the village. Then all six left, hurriedly. The father found his daughter lying on the string cot unconscious and bleeding. Her husband was crouched on the floor, kneeling over his vomit.
** Aubrey Menen, the Indian Catholic novelist, reconstructed the modus operandi of one hit-and-run rape. As quoted in Susan Brownmiller, Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape
=== Susan Brownmiller, ''Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape'' (1975) ===
: [[Susan Brownmiller]], Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape
*A stream of victims and eyewitnesses tell how truckloads of Pakistani soldiers and their hireling razakars swooped down on villages in the night, rounding up women by force. Some were raped on the spot. Others were carried off to military compounds. Some women were still there when Indian troops battled their way into Pakistani strongholds. Weeping survivors of villages razed because they were suspected of siding with the Mukti Bahini freedom fighters told of how wives were raped before the eyes of their bound husbands, who were then put to death.
*The Reverend Kentaro Buma reported that more than 200,000 Bengali women had been raped by Pakistani soldiers during the nine-month conflict, a figure that had been supplied to him by Bangladesh authorities in Dacca. Thousands of the raped women had become pregnant, he said. And by tradition, no Moslem husband would take back a wife who had been touched by another man, even if she had been subdued by force.
*Galvanized for the first time in history over the issue of rape in war, international aid for Bengali victims was coordinated by alert officials in the London office of the International Planned Parenthood Federation.
*Bengal was a state of 75 million people, officially East Pakistan, when the Bangladesh government declared its independence in March of 1971 with the support of India. Troops from West Pakistan were flown to the East to put down the rebellion. During the nine-month terror, terminated by the two-week armed intervention of India, a possible three million persons lost their lives, ten million fled across the border to India, and 200,000, 300,000 or possibly 400,000 women (three sets of statistics have been variously quoted) were raped. Eighty percent of the raped women were Moslems, reflecting the population of Bangladesh, but Hindu and Christian women were not exempt. As Moslems, most Bengali women were used to living in purdah, strict, veiled isolation that includes separate, secluded shelter arrangements apart from men, even in their own homes.
* Hit-and-run rape of large numbers of Bengali women was brutally simple in terms of logistics as the Pakistani regulars swept through and occupied the tiny, populous land, an area little larger than the state of New York. (Bangladesh is the most overcrowded country in the world.) The Mukti Bahini “freedom fighters” were hardly an effective counterforce. According to victims, Moslem Biharis who collaborated with the Pakistani Army—the hireling razakars—were most enthusiastic rapists. In the general breakdown of law and order, Mukti Bahini themselves committed rape, a situation reminiscent of World War II when Greek and Italian peasant women became victims of whatever soldiers happened to pass through their village.
*Rape in Bangladesh had hardly been restricted to beauty. Girls of eight and grandmothers of seventy-five had been sexually assaulted during the nine-month repression. Pakistani soldiers had not only violated Bengali women on the spot; they abducted tens of hundreds and held them by force in their military barracks for nightly use. The women were kept naked to prevent their escape.
*Khadiga, thirteen years old, was interviewed by a photojournalist in Dacca. She was walking to school with four other girls when they were kidnapped by a gang of Pakistani soldiers. All five were put in a military brothel in Mohammedpur and held captive for six months until the end of the war. Khadiga was regularly abused by two men a day; others, she said, had to service seven to ten men daily. (Some accounts have mentioned as many as eighty assaults in a single night, a bodily abuse that is beyond my ability to fully comprehend, even as I write these words.) At first, Khadiga said, the soldiers tied a gag around her mouth to keep her from screaming. As the months wore on and the captives’ spirit was broken, the soldiers devised a simple quid pro quo. They withheld the daily ration of food until the girls had submitted, to the full quota.
*The most serious crisis was pregnancy. Accurate statistics on the number of raped women who found themselves with child were difficult to determine but 25,000 is the generally accepted figure. Less speculative was the attitude of the raped, pregnant women. Few cared to bear their babies. Those close to birth expressed little interest in the fate of the child.
*A Catholic convent in Calcutta, Mother Theresa’s, opened its doors in Dacca to women who were willing to offer their babies for overseas adoption, but despite the publicity accorded to Mother Theresa, few rape victims actually came to her shelter. Those who learned of the option chose to have an abortion.... [[w:Planned Parenthood|Planned Parenthood]], in cooperation with the newly created Bangladesh Central Organization for Women’s Rehabilitation, set up clinics in Dacca and seventeen outlying areas to cope with the unwanted pregnancies.
*[[Mulk Raj Anand]], an Indian novelist, was convinced of conspiracy. The rapes were so systematic and pervasive that they had to be conscious Army policy, “planned by the West Pakistanis in a deliberate effort to create a new race” or to dilute Bengali nationalism, Anand passionately told reporters.
*The story of Bangladesh was unique in one respect. For the first time in history the rape of women in war, and the complex aftermath of mass assault, received serious international attention. The desperate need of Sheik Mujibur Rahman’s government for international sympathy and financial aid was part of the reason; a new [[Feminism|feminist]] consciousness that encompassed rape as a political issue and a growing, practical acceptance of abortion as a solution to unwanted pregnancy were contributing factors of critical importance. And so an obscure war in an obscure corner of the globe, to Western eyes, provided the setting for an examination of the “unspeakable” crime. For once, the particular terror of unarmed women facing armed men had full hearing.
== See also ==
*[[Crimes against humanity]]
*[[Cruelty]]
*[[Feminism]]
*[[Human rights]]
*[[International Criminal Court]]
*[[International law]]
*[[Rape]]
*[[Rule of law]]
*[[Sex offender]]
*[[Torture]]
*[[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]
*[[Violence against women]]
*[[War crimes]]
*[[Women]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[W:Wartime sexual violence|Wartime sexual violence]]
[[Category:Bangladesh]]
[[Category:1971 Bangladesh genocide]]
[[Category:Rape|Bangladesh Liberation War]]
[[Category:Violence against women in Asia]]
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During the [[1971 Bangladesh war for independence]], members of the Pakistani military and Razakar '''[[w:Rape during the Bangladesh Liberation War|raped between 200,000 and 400,000 Bangladeshi women and girls in a systematic campaign of genocidal rape]]'''. It is commonly said that most of the rape victims of the Pakistani Army and its allies were Hindu women. But women from all walks of life were tortured.
==Quotes==
* Soldiers were incited to mass-rape the women in order to mutate the Hindu Bengali gene. This is what was said by Punjabi officers to Punjabi soldiers. This is what they did. In March 1971, West Pakistan invaded East Pakistan. Rapes and massacres took place. In one night alone, occupying soldiers, accompanied by their collaborators, invaded the student hostels at the university. Hundreds of students disappeared. Left-wing intellectuals were traced and shot. Sheikh Mujib was arrested and brought to a West Pakistani prison. His party went underground and prepared to resist. Pakistan's greatest poet, Faiz Ahined Faiz, wrote of 'eyes washed with blood'.
** [[Tariq Ali]] - The Clash of Fundamentalisms, Crusades, Jihads and Modernity (2002)
* Soldiers were told that Bengalis were relatively recent converts to Islam and hence not “proper Muslims”—their genes needed improving. This was the justification for the campaign of mass rape.
** [[Tariq Ali]] The Duel_ Pakistan on the Flight Path of American Power (2008)
*The locals said there was widespread rape. This was confirmed by Sydney Schanberg of the New York Times, who, interviewing refugees in India, found that almost all of them were Hindus, who said that they were still specifically hounded by the Pakistan army. Schanberg remembers, “There were stories about rape by the Pakistani army, and those were true. Story after story. It was quite clear this had really happened.”
** Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide. ch 16
* The stories were so extreme I didn't know what to think. The lecture we'd been given about the dangers of rape during freshman orientation week at Radcliffe had initially seemed as unbelievable. I had never even heard of rape until I came to America and the very possibility of it kept me from going out alone at night for the next four years. After the lecture, the possibility of rape at Harvard was real to me. The rape of East Bengal was not. I found security in the official jingoistic line in our part of the world that the reports in the Western press were 'exaggerated' and a 'Zionist plot' against an Islamic state.
**[[Benazir Bhutto]], Daughter of the East : an autobiography
* ...Some army officer raided Rokeya Hall on 7 October 1971. Accompanied by five soldiers, Major Aslam had first visited the hostel on 3 October and asked the superintendent to supply some girls who could sing and dance at a function to be held in Tejgaon Cantonment. The superintendent told him that most of the girls had left the hostel after the disturbances and only 40 students were residing but as a superintendent of a girls' hostel she should not allow them to go to the cantonment for this purpose. Dissatisfied, Major Aslam went away. Soon after the superintendent informed a higher army officer in the cantonment, over the telephone, of the Major' s mission. However, on 7 October at about 8 pm. Major Aslam and his men raided the hostel. The soldiers broke open the doors, dragged the girls out and stripped them before raping and torturing them in front of the helpless superintendent. The entire thing was done so openly without any provocation, that even the Karachi-based newspaper, Dawn, had to publish the story, violating censorship by the military authorities. In seven days after liberation about 300 girls were recovered from different places around Dacca where they had been taken away and kept confined by the Pakistani army men. On 26 December altogether 55 emaciated and half-dead girls on the verge of mental derangement were recovered by the Red Cross with the help of the Mukti Bahini and the allied forces from various hideouts of the Pakistani army in Narayanganj, Dacca Cantonment and other small towns on the periphery of Dacca city.
** Excerpts from Genocide in Bangladesh by Kalyan Chaudhury, pp 157–158: Kalyan Chaudhury (1972). Genocide in Bangladesh. Bombay: Orient Longman. pp. 157–158.
*When asked if the usual figures of the number of women raped by the Pakistani Army, 200-400,000, are accurate, Dr. Davis states that they are underestimated: <br>...Probably the numbers are very conservative compared with what they did. The descriptions of how they captured towns were very interesting. They’d keep the infantry back and put artillery ahead and they would shell the hospitals and schools. And that caused absolute chaos in the town. And then the infantry would go in and begin to segregate the women. Apart from little children, all those were sexually matured would be segregated..And then the women would be put in the compound under guard and made available to the troops...Some of the stories they told were appalling. Being raped again and again and again. A lot of them died in those [rape] camps. There was an air of disbelief about the whole thing. Nobody could credit that it really happened! But the evidence clearly showed that it did happen.
**Dr. Geoffrey Davis, quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/worldviews/2012/05/21/1971-rapes-bangladesh-cannot-hide-history/ 1971 Rapes: Bangladesh Cannot Hide History]
*Like the Japanese during World War II and the Red Army in its victorious march through Eastern Europe in 1945, the West Pakistanis were singularly devoted to raping any women in sight. Many were repeatedly raped in their homes or on the streets and then killed. Many were taken to military installations where they were kept and raped repeatedly, in some cases until they died. According to one report, for example, 700 naked women were liberated from the army cantonment at Moinamati. Of those women that survived the war, perhaps 200,000 or more may have been raped, at least according to a postwar figure that gained wide currency.
** [[R.J. Rummel]], DEATH BY GOVERNMENT, by R.J. Rummel New Brunswick, N.J.: Transaction Publishers, 1994
*When mass rapes occurred in the course of aggressive war in Bangladesh and later in Bosnia, Mother Teresa in the first case and the Pope in the second made strenuous appeals to the victims not to abort the seed of the invader and the violator.
**[[Christopher Hitchens|Hitchens, C.]] (2012). The missionary position: Mother Theresa in theory and practice.
* [Aubrey Menen, sent on a reporting assignment to Bangladesh, reconstructed the modus operandi of one hit-and-run rape:] ...And so on, until all the six had raped the belle of the village. Then all six left, hurriedly. The father found his daughter lying on the string cot unconscious and bleeding. Her husband was crouched on the floor, kneeling over his vomit.
** Aubrey Menen, the Indian Catholic novelist, reconstructed the modus operandi of one hit-and-run rape. As quoted in Susan Brownmiller, Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape
=== Susan Brownmiller, ''Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape'' (1975) ===
: [[Susan Brownmiller]], Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape
*A stream of victims and eyewitnesses tell how truckloads of Pakistani soldiers and their hireling razakars swooped down on villages in the night, rounding up women by force. Some were raped on the spot. Others were carried off to military compounds. Some women were still there when Indian troops battled their way into Pakistani strongholds. Weeping survivors of villages razed because they were suspected of siding with the Mukti Bahini freedom fighters told of how wives were raped before the eyes of their bound husbands, who were then put to death.
*The Reverend Kentaro Buma reported that more than 200,000 Bengali women had been raped by Pakistani soldiers during the nine-month conflict, a figure that had been supplied to him by Bangladesh authorities in Dacca. Thousands of the raped women had become pregnant, he said. And by tradition, no Moslem husband would take back a wife who had been touched by another man, even if she had been subdued by force.
*Galvanized for the first time in history over the issue of rape in war, international aid for Bengali victims was coordinated by alert officials in the London office of the International Planned Parenthood Federation.
*Bengal was a state of 75 million people, officially East Pakistan, when the Bangladesh government declared its independence in March of 1971 with the support of India. Troops from West Pakistan were flown to the East to put down the rebellion. During the nine-month terror, terminated by the two-week armed intervention of India, a possible three million persons lost their lives, ten million fled across the border to India, and 200,000, 300,000 or possibly 400,000 women (three sets of statistics have been variously quoted) were raped. Eighty percent of the raped women were Moslems, reflecting the population of Bangladesh, but Hindu and Christian women were not exempt. As Moslems, most Bengali women were used to living in purdah, strict, veiled isolation that includes separate, secluded shelter arrangements apart from men, even in their own homes.
* Hit-and-run rape of large numbers of Bengali women was brutally simple in terms of logistics as the Pakistani regulars swept through and occupied the tiny, populous land, an area little larger than the state of New York. (Bangladesh is the most overcrowded country in the world.) The Mukti Bahini “freedom fighters” were hardly an effective counterforce. According to victims, Moslem Biharis who collaborated with the Pakistani Army—the hireling razakars—were most enthusiastic rapists. In the general breakdown of law and order, Mukti Bahini themselves committed rape, a situation reminiscent of World War II when Greek and Italian peasant women became victims of whatever soldiers happened to pass through their village.
*Rape in Bangladesh had hardly been restricted to beauty. Girls of eight and grandmothers of seventy-five had been sexually assaulted during the nine-month repression. Pakistani soldiers had not only violated Bengali women on the spot; they abducted tens of hundreds and held them by force in their military barracks for nightly use. The women were kept naked to prevent their escape.
*Khadiga, thirteen years old, was interviewed by a photojournalist in Dacca. She was walking to school with four other girls when they were kidnapped by a gang of Pakistani soldiers. All five were put in a military brothel in Mohammedpur and held captive for six months until the end of the war. Khadiga was regularly abused by two men a day; others, she said, had to service seven to ten men daily. (Some accounts have mentioned as many as eighty assaults in a single night, a bodily abuse that is beyond my ability to fully comprehend, even as I write these words.) At first, Khadiga said, the soldiers tied a gag around her mouth to keep her from screaming. As the months wore on and the captives’ spirit was broken, the soldiers devised a simple quid pro quo. They withheld the daily ration of food until the girls had submitted, to the full quota.
*The most serious crisis was pregnancy. Accurate statistics on the number of raped women who found themselves with child were difficult to determine but 25,000 is the generally accepted figure. Less speculative was the attitude of the raped, pregnant women. Few cared to bear their babies. Those close to birth expressed little interest in the fate of the child.
*A Catholic convent in Calcutta, Mother Theresa’s, opened its doors in Dacca to women who were willing to offer their babies for overseas adoption, but despite the publicity accorded to Mother Theresa, few rape victims actually came to her shelter. Those who learned of the option chose to have an abortion.... [[w:Planned Parenthood|Planned Parenthood]], in cooperation with the newly created Bangladesh Central Organization for Women’s Rehabilitation, set up clinics in Dacca and seventeen outlying areas to cope with the unwanted pregnancies.
*[[Mulk Raj Anand]], an Indian novelist, was convinced of conspiracy. The rapes were so systematic and pervasive that they had to be conscious Army policy, “planned by the West Pakistanis in a deliberate effort to create a new race” or to dilute Bengali nationalism, Anand passionately told reporters.
*The story of Bangladesh was unique in one respect. For the first time in history the rape of women in war, and the complex aftermath of mass assault, received serious international attention. The desperate need of Sheik Mujibur Rahman’s government for international sympathy and financial aid was part of the reason; a new [[Feminism|feminist]] consciousness that encompassed rape as a political issue and a growing, practical acceptance of abortion as a solution to unwanted pregnancy were contributing factors of critical importance. And so an obscure war in an obscure corner of the globe, to Western eyes, provided the setting for an examination of the “unspeakable” crime. For once, the particular terror of unarmed women facing armed men had full hearing.
== See also ==
*[[Crimes against humanity]]
*[[Cruelty]]
*[[Feminism]]
*[[Human rights]]
*[[International Criminal Court]]
*[[International law]]
*[[Rape]]
*[[Rule of law]]
*[[Sex offender]]
*[[Torture]]
*[[Universal Declaration of Human Rights]]
*[[Violence against women]]
*[[War crimes]]
*[[Women]]
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[W:Wartime sexual violence|Wartime sexual violence]]
[[Category:Bangladesh]]
[[Category:1971 Bangladesh genocide]]
[[Category:Rape|Bangladesh Liberation War]]
[[Category:Violence against women in Asia]]
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Dronebogus
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text/x-wiki
[[file:Adult Quote-tan.png|thumb|The underrated Wiki-sister. Ironically there are almost no quotes by her.]]
[[File:Psychadelic flower - Flickr - josef.stuefer.jpg|thumb|Obligatory weird psychedelic [[hippie]] imagery with nothing to do with the topic]]
'''''As long as we all strive for the same goal, we will keep moving forward.'''''
'''''—[[wikiquote:Wiki-sisters|Wikipe-tan]]''''' (she says that in a fan game okay)
'''''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'''''
'''''Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. —[[Samuel Beckett]]'''''
'''''[orgasmic sounding] ARRGGHHHUGHH! —[[Star Wars Holiday Special|Itchy]]'''''
'''''Im {{sic}} being persecuted for my 423 War crimes I committed in Malaysia, Gru! —[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Despicable_Me&diff=3083865&oldid=3083864 Vector, apparently]'''''
'''''[[Bee Movie|According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. It’s wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flys anyway, because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.]]'''''
'''''I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. —[[HAL 9000]]'''''
'''''Wir müssen wissen — wir werden wissen! —[[David Hilbert]]'''''
'''''Tis true, my form is something odd ''''' <br>
''''' but blaming me, is blaming God, ''''' <br>
''''' Could I create myself anew ''''' <br>
''''' I would not fail in pleasing you. '''''
<br> ''''' —[[Joseph Merrick]]'''''
'''''Reality has a well-known liberal bias. —[[Stephen Colbert]]'''''
'''''It is more from carelessness about truth than from intentional lying, that there is so much falsehood in the world. —[[Samuel Johnson|Dr. Johnson]]'''''
'''''If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be —[[Yogi Berra]]'''''
'''''It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion. —[[Anatole France]]'''''
'''''If you are not happy here and now, you never will be.'''''
'''''Keep your hands open, and all the sands of the desert can pass through them. Close them, and all you can feel is a bit of grit.'''''
'''''you have a glass full of liquid you can discourse forever on its qualities, discuss whether it is cold, warm, whether it is really and truly composed of H-2-O, or even mineral water, or saki. Meditation is Drinking it! —[[Taisen Deshimaru]]'''''
'''''Truly, it is easy to do evil. —[[Ashoka]]'''''
'''''Our word 'idiot' comes from a Greek word which means 'one who is not interested in politics'. —[[The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles|Henry Jones Sr.]]'''''
'''''Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts. —uncertain, attributed variously'''''
'''''Whatever I have done in the course of my life, whether it be good or evil, has been done freely; I am a free agent. —[[Giacomo Casanova]]'''''
'''''Detective, each of us has our part to play in the world. My part is to solve crimes. I am under no illusion that my role isn't a minor one, in the scheme of things... but I embrace it *because* it's my role. —[[Disco Elysium|Kim Kitsuragi]]'''''
'''''Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up. —[[Batman Begins|Alfred Pennyworth]]'''''
'''''I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. — [[William Ernest Henley]]'''''
'''''C'est véritablement utile puisque c'est joli. —[[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]]'''''
'''''Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee. —[[Twin Peaks|Dale Cooper]]'''''
'''''You know what they say about assuming. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "Ming". —[[The Amazing Digital Circus|Caine]]'''''
'''''Usually anything electronic hates me and makes me want to give up. —[[Kazuki Takahashi]]'''''
'''''You've got to know when to hold 'em / Know when to fold 'em / Know when to walk away / And know when to run — [[W:Don Schlitz|Don Schlitz]]'''''
'''''There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one. —[[Kazuo Ishiguro]]'''''
'''''Anger and depression and sorrow are beautiful things in a story, but they are like poison to the filmmaker or artist. —[[David Lynch]]'''''
'''''Thou seest Me as Time who kills, Time who brings all to doom'''''<br>
'''''The Slayer Time, Ancient of Days, come hither to consume'''''
'''—''[[Bhagavad Gita|The Gita]] ([[Edwin Arnold]] transl.)'''''
=== Pages made ===
*[[Toilet]]
*[[WQ:Wiki-sisters]]
*[[Citizendium]]
*[[Charles Mudede]]
*[[Illegitimacy]]
*[[Stalking]]
*[[Coprophilia]]
*[[Female genitalia]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000]] (current version)
*[[The Human Centipede]]
*[[Boys Beware]]
*[[Vshojo]]
*[[Outlast 2]]
*[[Principality of Sealand]]
*[[Amputation]]
*[[BioShock Infinite]]
*[[MTV]]
*[[Bat Pussy]]
*[[Kuso Miso Technique]]
*[[Debbie Does Dallas]]
*[[Homestar Runner]] (current version)
*[[Team Fortress 2]] (current version)
*[[Touhou Project (video game series)]] (current version)
*[[Ishi]]
*[[3D Monster Maze]]
*[[Timothy Dexter]]
*[[Kryptos]]
*[[Nick Mason]]
*[[Harry Knowles]]
*[[My Immortal (Fan Fiction)]]
*[[365 Days (film)]]
*[[SCP Foundation]]
*[[SCP – Containment Breach]]
* [[The Lighthouse]]
* [[The Dover Boys at Pimento University]]
* [[Ian Watkins]]
* [[The Most Dangerous Game]]
* [[Monaco]]
* [[Darkest Dungeon]]
*[[Soma]]
*[[Disco Elysium]]
*[[Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]
*[[Neuro-sama]]
*[[Projekt Melody]]
*[[Minecraft (game)|Minecraft]]
*[[F.A.T.A.L.]]
*[[Birdemic: Shock and Terror]]
*[[Swans (band)]]
*[[Foot binding]]
*[[Michael Gira]]
*[[Bolero (1984 film)]]
*[[Bullfighting]]
*[[Galatea (video game)]]
===Pages rewritten or heavily expanded===
*[[Anonymous]]
*[[Bear (subculture)]]
*[[Inappropriate Comedy]]
*[[The Amazing Digital Circus]]
*[[Daft Punk]]
*[[Homestuck]] (added the SBAHJ section)
=== Links ===
Wikidata userpage:
[[d:user:Dronebogus]]
Commons:
[[commons:user:Dronebogus]]
Simple English Wikipedia:
[https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dronebogus |simple:user:Dronebogus]
===Emergency talk pages===
*[[User:Dronebogus/fake talk]] to redirect spammers to
*[[User:Dronebogus/emergency talk]] to replace real one if that happens
===Things I need to do===
*rewrite the Ratatouille page (already cleaned by others but needs some quotes replaced with better and more memorable ones)
*clean all the fake censoring out of the Dudeist pages (Done, I think?)
*cite the human centipede quotes
*<s>clean up Touhou Project page</s>
gw0w70o386x116sextmyr2w5r2jlv0r
3935185
3935091
2026-05-01T00:06:17Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* Pages rewritten or heavily expanded */
3935185
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[file:Adult Quote-tan.png|thumb|The underrated Wiki-sister. Ironically there are almost no quotes by her.]]
[[File:Psychadelic flower - Flickr - josef.stuefer.jpg|thumb|Obligatory weird psychedelic [[hippie]] imagery with nothing to do with the topic]]
'''''As long as we all strive for the same goal, we will keep moving forward.'''''
'''''—[[wikiquote:Wiki-sisters|Wikipe-tan]]''''' (she says that in a fan game okay)
'''''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'''''
'''''Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. —[[Samuel Beckett]]'''''
'''''[orgasmic sounding] ARRGGHHHUGHH! —[[Star Wars Holiday Special|Itchy]]'''''
'''''Im {{sic}} being persecuted for my 423 War crimes I committed in Malaysia, Gru! —[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Despicable_Me&diff=3083865&oldid=3083864 Vector, apparently]'''''
'''''[[Bee Movie|According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. It’s wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flys anyway, because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.]]'''''
'''''I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. —[[HAL 9000]]'''''
'''''Wir müssen wissen — wir werden wissen! —[[David Hilbert]]'''''
'''''Tis true, my form is something odd ''''' <br>
''''' but blaming me, is blaming God, ''''' <br>
''''' Could I create myself anew ''''' <br>
''''' I would not fail in pleasing you. '''''
<br> ''''' —[[Joseph Merrick]]'''''
'''''Reality has a well-known liberal bias. —[[Stephen Colbert]]'''''
'''''It is more from carelessness about truth than from intentional lying, that there is so much falsehood in the world. —[[Samuel Johnson|Dr. Johnson]]'''''
'''''If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be —[[Yogi Berra]]'''''
'''''It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion. —[[Anatole France]]'''''
'''''If you are not happy here and now, you never will be.'''''
'''''Keep your hands open, and all the sands of the desert can pass through them. Close them, and all you can feel is a bit of grit.'''''
'''''you have a glass full of liquid you can discourse forever on its qualities, discuss whether it is cold, warm, whether it is really and truly composed of H-2-O, or even mineral water, or saki. Meditation is Drinking it! —[[Taisen Deshimaru]]'''''
'''''Truly, it is easy to do evil. —[[Ashoka]]'''''
'''''Our word 'idiot' comes from a Greek word which means 'one who is not interested in politics'. —[[The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles|Henry Jones Sr.]]'''''
'''''Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts. —uncertain, attributed variously'''''
'''''Whatever I have done in the course of my life, whether it be good or evil, has been done freely; I am a free agent. —[[Giacomo Casanova]]'''''
'''''Detective, each of us has our part to play in the world. My part is to solve crimes. I am under no illusion that my role isn't a minor one, in the scheme of things... but I embrace it *because* it's my role. —[[Disco Elysium|Kim Kitsuragi]]'''''
'''''Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up. —[[Batman Begins|Alfred Pennyworth]]'''''
'''''I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. — [[William Ernest Henley]]'''''
'''''C'est véritablement utile puisque c'est joli. —[[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]]'''''
'''''Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee. —[[Twin Peaks|Dale Cooper]]'''''
'''''You know what they say about assuming. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "Ming". —[[The Amazing Digital Circus|Caine]]'''''
'''''Usually anything electronic hates me and makes me want to give up. —[[Kazuki Takahashi]]'''''
'''''You've got to know when to hold 'em / Know when to fold 'em / Know when to walk away / And know when to run — [[W:Don Schlitz|Don Schlitz]]'''''
'''''There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one. —[[Kazuo Ishiguro]]'''''
'''''Anger and depression and sorrow are beautiful things in a story, but they are like poison to the filmmaker or artist. —[[David Lynch]]'''''
'''''Thou seest Me as Time who kills, Time who brings all to doom'''''<br>
'''''The Slayer Time, Ancient of Days, come hither to consume'''''
'''—''[[Bhagavad Gita|The Gita]] ([[Edwin Arnold]] transl.)'''''
=== Pages made ===
*[[Toilet]]
*[[WQ:Wiki-sisters]]
*[[Citizendium]]
*[[Charles Mudede]]
*[[Illegitimacy]]
*[[Stalking]]
*[[Coprophilia]]
*[[Female genitalia]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000]] (current version)
*[[The Human Centipede]]
*[[Boys Beware]]
*[[Vshojo]]
*[[Outlast 2]]
*[[Principality of Sealand]]
*[[Amputation]]
*[[BioShock Infinite]]
*[[MTV]]
*[[Bat Pussy]]
*[[Kuso Miso Technique]]
*[[Debbie Does Dallas]]
*[[Homestar Runner]] (current version)
*[[Team Fortress 2]] (current version)
*[[Touhou Project (video game series)]] (current version)
*[[Ishi]]
*[[3D Monster Maze]]
*[[Timothy Dexter]]
*[[Kryptos]]
*[[Nick Mason]]
*[[Harry Knowles]]
*[[My Immortal (Fan Fiction)]]
*[[365 Days (film)]]
*[[SCP Foundation]]
*[[SCP – Containment Breach]]
* [[The Lighthouse]]
* [[The Dover Boys at Pimento University]]
* [[Ian Watkins]]
* [[The Most Dangerous Game]]
* [[Monaco]]
* [[Darkest Dungeon]]
*[[Soma]]
*[[Disco Elysium]]
*[[Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]
*[[Neuro-sama]]
*[[Projekt Melody]]
*[[Minecraft (game)|Minecraft]]
*[[F.A.T.A.L.]]
*[[Birdemic: Shock and Terror]]
*[[Swans (band)]]
*[[Foot binding]]
*[[Michael Gira]]
*[[Bolero (1984 film)]]
*[[Bullfighting]]
*[[Galatea (video game)]]
===Pages rewritten or heavily expanded===
*[[Anonymous]]
*[[Bear (subculture)]]
*[[Inappropriate Comedy]]
*[[The Amazing Digital Circus]]
*[[Daft Punk]]
*[[Homestuck]] (added the SBAHJ section)
===Sandboxes===
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox]]
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox/2]]
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox/3]]
=== Links ===
Wikidata userpage:
[[d:user:Dronebogus]]
Commons:
[[commons:user:Dronebogus]]
Simple English Wikipedia:
[https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dronebogus |simple:user:Dronebogus]
===Emergency talk pages===
*[[User:Dronebogus/fake talk]] to redirect spammers to
*[[User:Dronebogus/emergency talk]] to replace real one if that happens
===Things I need to do===
*rewrite the Ratatouille page (already cleaned by others but needs some quotes replaced with better and more memorable ones)
*clean all the fake censoring out of the Dudeist pages (Done, I think?)
*cite the human centipede quotes
*<s>clean up Touhou Project page</s>
m2b3v1cj1n9xm5gqj2nvov9bdzi1uvc
3935186
3935185
2026-05-01T00:06:32Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* Sandboxes */
3935186
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[file:Adult Quote-tan.png|thumb|The underrated Wiki-sister. Ironically there are almost no quotes by her.]]
[[File:Psychadelic flower - Flickr - josef.stuefer.jpg|thumb|Obligatory weird psychedelic [[hippie]] imagery with nothing to do with the topic]]
'''''As long as we all strive for the same goal, we will keep moving forward.'''''
'''''—[[wikiquote:Wiki-sisters|Wikipe-tan]]''''' (she says that in a fan game okay)
'''''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'''''
'''''Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. —[[Samuel Beckett]]'''''
'''''[orgasmic sounding] ARRGGHHHUGHH! —[[Star Wars Holiday Special|Itchy]]'''''
'''''Im {{sic}} being persecuted for my 423 War crimes I committed in Malaysia, Gru! —[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Despicable_Me&diff=3083865&oldid=3083864 Vector, apparently]'''''
'''''[[Bee Movie|According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. It’s wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flys anyway, because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.]]'''''
'''''I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. —[[HAL 9000]]'''''
'''''Wir müssen wissen — wir werden wissen! —[[David Hilbert]]'''''
'''''Tis true, my form is something odd ''''' <br>
''''' but blaming me, is blaming God, ''''' <br>
''''' Could I create myself anew ''''' <br>
''''' I would not fail in pleasing you. '''''
<br> ''''' —[[Joseph Merrick]]'''''
'''''Reality has a well-known liberal bias. —[[Stephen Colbert]]'''''
'''''It is more from carelessness about truth than from intentional lying, that there is so much falsehood in the world. —[[Samuel Johnson|Dr. Johnson]]'''''
'''''If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be —[[Yogi Berra]]'''''
'''''It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion. —[[Anatole France]]'''''
'''''If you are not happy here and now, you never will be.'''''
'''''Keep your hands open, and all the sands of the desert can pass through them. Close them, and all you can feel is a bit of grit.'''''
'''''you have a glass full of liquid you can discourse forever on its qualities, discuss whether it is cold, warm, whether it is really and truly composed of H-2-O, or even mineral water, or saki. Meditation is Drinking it! —[[Taisen Deshimaru]]'''''
'''''Truly, it is easy to do evil. —[[Ashoka]]'''''
'''''Our word 'idiot' comes from a Greek word which means 'one who is not interested in politics'. —[[The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles|Henry Jones Sr.]]'''''
'''''Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts. —uncertain, attributed variously'''''
'''''Whatever I have done in the course of my life, whether it be good or evil, has been done freely; I am a free agent. —[[Giacomo Casanova]]'''''
'''''Detective, each of us has our part to play in the world. My part is to solve crimes. I am under no illusion that my role isn't a minor one, in the scheme of things... but I embrace it *because* it's my role. —[[Disco Elysium|Kim Kitsuragi]]'''''
'''''Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up. —[[Batman Begins|Alfred Pennyworth]]'''''
'''''I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. — [[William Ernest Henley]]'''''
'''''C'est véritablement utile puisque c'est joli. —[[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]]'''''
'''''Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee. —[[Twin Peaks|Dale Cooper]]'''''
'''''You know what they say about assuming. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "Ming". —[[The Amazing Digital Circus|Caine]]'''''
'''''Usually anything electronic hates me and makes me want to give up. —[[Kazuki Takahashi]]'''''
'''''You've got to know when to hold 'em / Know when to fold 'em / Know when to walk away / And know when to run — [[W:Don Schlitz|Don Schlitz]]'''''
'''''There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one. —[[Kazuo Ishiguro]]'''''
'''''Anger and depression and sorrow are beautiful things in a story, but they are like poison to the filmmaker or artist. —[[David Lynch]]'''''
'''''Thou seest Me as Time who kills, Time who brings all to doom'''''<br>
'''''The Slayer Time, Ancient of Days, come hither to consume'''''
'''—''[[Bhagavad Gita|The Gita]] ([[Edwin Arnold]] transl.)'''''
=== Pages made ===
*[[Toilet]]
*[[WQ:Wiki-sisters]]
*[[Citizendium]]
*[[Charles Mudede]]
*[[Illegitimacy]]
*[[Stalking]]
*[[Coprophilia]]
*[[Female genitalia]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000]] (current version)
*[[The Human Centipede]]
*[[Boys Beware]]
*[[Vshojo]]
*[[Outlast 2]]
*[[Principality of Sealand]]
*[[Amputation]]
*[[BioShock Infinite]]
*[[MTV]]
*[[Bat Pussy]]
*[[Kuso Miso Technique]]
*[[Debbie Does Dallas]]
*[[Homestar Runner]] (current version)
*[[Team Fortress 2]] (current version)
*[[Touhou Project (video game series)]] (current version)
*[[Ishi]]
*[[3D Monster Maze]]
*[[Timothy Dexter]]
*[[Kryptos]]
*[[Nick Mason]]
*[[Harry Knowles]]
*[[My Immortal (Fan Fiction)]]
*[[365 Days (film)]]
*[[SCP Foundation]]
*[[SCP – Containment Breach]]
* [[The Lighthouse]]
* [[The Dover Boys at Pimento University]]
* [[Ian Watkins]]
* [[The Most Dangerous Game]]
* [[Monaco]]
* [[Darkest Dungeon]]
*[[Soma]]
*[[Disco Elysium]]
*[[Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]
*[[Neuro-sama]]
*[[Projekt Melody]]
*[[Minecraft (game)|Minecraft]]
*[[F.A.T.A.L.]]
*[[Birdemic: Shock and Terror]]
*[[Swans (band)]]
*[[Foot binding]]
*[[Michael Gira]]
*[[Bolero (1984 film)]]
*[[Bullfighting]]
*[[Galatea (video game)]]
===Pages rewritten or heavily expanded===
*[[Anonymous]]
*[[Bear (subculture)]]
*[[Inappropriate Comedy]]
*[[The Amazing Digital Circus]]
*[[Daft Punk]]
*[[Homestuck]] (added the SBAHJ section)
===Sandboxes===
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox]]
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox2]]
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox/3]]
=== Links ===
Wikidata userpage:
[[d:user:Dronebogus]]
Commons:
[[commons:user:Dronebogus]]
Simple English Wikipedia:
[https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dronebogus |simple:user:Dronebogus]
===Emergency talk pages===
*[[User:Dronebogus/fake talk]] to redirect spammers to
*[[User:Dronebogus/emergency talk]] to replace real one if that happens
===Things I need to do===
*rewrite the Ratatouille page (already cleaned by others but needs some quotes replaced with better and more memorable ones)
*clean all the fake censoring out of the Dudeist pages (Done, I think?)
*cite the human centipede quotes
*<s>clean up Touhou Project page</s>
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[[file:Adult Quote-tan.png|thumb|The underrated Wiki-sister. Ironically there are almost no quotes by her.]]
[[File:Psychadelic flower - Flickr - josef.stuefer.jpg|thumb|Obligatory weird psychedelic [[hippie]] imagery with nothing to do with the topic]]
'''''As long as we all strive for the same goal, we will keep moving forward.'''''
'''''—[[wikiquote:Wiki-sisters|Wikipe-tan]]''''' (she says that in a fan game okay)
'''''[[Illegitimi non carborundum]]'''''
'''''Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. —[[Samuel Beckett]]'''''
'''''[orgasmic sounding] ARRGGHHHUGHH! —[[Star Wars Holiday Special|Itchy]]'''''
'''''Im {{sic}} being persecuted for my 423 War crimes I committed in Malaysia, Gru! —[https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Despicable_Me&diff=3083865&oldid=3083864 Vector, apparently]'''''
'''''[[Bee Movie|According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. It’s wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flys anyway, because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.]]'''''
'''''I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. —[[HAL 9000]]'''''
'''''Wir müssen wissen — wir werden wissen! —[[David Hilbert]]'''''
'''''Tis true, my form is something odd ''''' <br>
''''' but blaming me, is blaming God, ''''' <br>
''''' Could I create myself anew ''''' <br>
''''' I would not fail in pleasing you. '''''
<br> ''''' —[[Joseph Merrick]]'''''
'''''Reality has a well-known liberal bias. —[[Stephen Colbert]]'''''
'''''It is more from carelessness about truth than from intentional lying, that there is so much falsehood in the world. —[[Samuel Johnson|Dr. Johnson]]'''''
'''''If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be —[[Yogi Berra]]'''''
'''''It is human nature to think wisely and to act in an absurd fashion. —[[Anatole France]]'''''
'''''If you are not happy here and now, you never will be.'''''
'''''Keep your hands open, and all the sands of the desert can pass through them. Close them, and all you can feel is a bit of grit.'''''
'''''you have a glass full of liquid you can discourse forever on its qualities, discuss whether it is cold, warm, whether it is really and truly composed of H-2-O, or even mineral water, or saki. Meditation is Drinking it! —[[Taisen Deshimaru]]'''''
'''''Truly, it is easy to do evil. —[[Ashoka]]'''''
'''''Our word 'idiot' comes from a Greek word which means 'one who is not interested in politics'. —[[The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles|Henry Jones Sr.]]'''''
'''''Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts. —uncertain, attributed variously'''''
'''''Whatever I have done in the course of my life, whether it be good or evil, has been done freely; I am a free agent. —[[Giacomo Casanova]]'''''
'''''Detective, each of us has our part to play in the world. My part is to solve crimes. I am under no illusion that my role isn't a minor one, in the scheme of things... but I embrace it *because* it's my role. —[[Disco Elysium|Kim Kitsuragi]]'''''
'''''Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up. —[[Batman Begins|Alfred Pennyworth]]'''''
'''''I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. — [[William Ernest Henley]]'''''
'''''C'est véritablement utile puisque c'est joli. —[[Antoine de Saint Exupéry]]'''''
'''''Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair or two cups of good hot black coffee. —[[Twin Peaks|Dale Cooper]]'''''
'''''You know what they say about assuming. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "Ming". —[[The Amazing Digital Circus|Caine]]'''''
'''''Usually anything electronic hates me and makes me want to give up. —[[Kazuki Takahashi]]'''''
'''''You've got to know when to hold 'em / Know when to fold 'em / Know when to walk away / And know when to run — [[W:Don Schlitz|Don Schlitz]]'''''
'''''There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one. —[[Kazuo Ishiguro]]'''''
'''''Anger and depression and sorrow are beautiful things in a story, but they are like poison to the filmmaker or artist. —[[David Lynch]]'''''
'''''Thou seest Me as Time who kills, Time who brings all to doom'''''<br>
'''''The Slayer Time, Ancient of Days, come hither to consume'''''
'''—''[[Bhagavad Gita|The Gita]] ([[Edwin Arnold]] transl.)'''''
'''A man is successful if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he likes. —[[Bob Dylan]]'''
=== Pages made ===
*[[Toilet]]
*[[WQ:Wiki-sisters]]
*[[Citizendium]]
*[[Charles Mudede]]
*[[Illegitimacy]]
*[[Stalking]]
*[[Coprophilia]]
*[[Female genitalia]]
*[[Warhammer 40,000]] (current version)
*[[The Human Centipede]]
*[[Boys Beware]]
*[[Vshojo]]
*[[Outlast 2]]
*[[Principality of Sealand]]
*[[Amputation]]
*[[BioShock Infinite]]
*[[MTV]]
*[[Bat Pussy]]
*[[Kuso Miso Technique]]
*[[Debbie Does Dallas]]
*[[Homestar Runner]] (current version)
*[[Team Fortress 2]] (current version)
*[[Touhou Project (video game series)]] (current version)
*[[Ishi]]
*[[3D Monster Maze]]
*[[Timothy Dexter]]
*[[Kryptos]]
*[[Nick Mason]]
*[[Harry Knowles]]
*[[My Immortal (Fan Fiction)]]
*[[365 Days (film)]]
*[[SCP Foundation]]
*[[SCP – Containment Breach]]
* [[The Lighthouse]]
* [[The Dover Boys at Pimento University]]
* [[Ian Watkins]]
* [[The Most Dangerous Game]]
* [[Monaco]]
* [[Darkest Dungeon]]
*[[Soma]]
*[[Disco Elysium]]
*[[Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth]]
*[[Neuro-sama]]
*[[Projekt Melody]]
*[[Minecraft (game)|Minecraft]]
*[[F.A.T.A.L.]]
*[[Birdemic: Shock and Terror]]
*[[Swans (band)]]
*[[Foot binding]]
*[[Michael Gira]]
*[[Bolero (1984 film)]]
*[[Bullfighting]]
*[[Galatea (video game)]]
===Pages rewritten or heavily expanded===
*[[Anonymous]]
*[[Bear (subculture)]]
*[[Inappropriate Comedy]]
*[[The Amazing Digital Circus]]
*[[Daft Punk]]
*[[Homestuck]] (added the SBAHJ section)
===Sandboxes===
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox]]
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox2]]
* [[user:Dronebogus/sandbox/3]]
=== Links ===
Wikidata userpage:
[[d:user:Dronebogus]]
Commons:
[[commons:user:Dronebogus]]
Simple English Wikipedia:
[https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Dronebogus |simple:user:Dronebogus]
===Emergency talk pages===
*[[User:Dronebogus/fake talk]] to redirect spammers to
*[[User:Dronebogus/emergency talk]] to replace real one if that happens
===Things I need to do===
*rewrite the Ratatouille page (already cleaned by others but needs some quotes replaced with better and more memorable ones)
*clean all the fake censoring out of the Dudeist pages (Done, I think?)
*cite the human centipede quotes
*<s>clean up Touhou Project page</s>
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Nova Scotia
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'''[[w:Nova Scotia|Nova Scotia]]''' (/ˌnoʊvə ˈskoʊʃə/ NOH-və SKOH-shə) (Scottish Gaelic: Alba Nuadh; French: Nouvelle-Écosse) is one of the thirteen provinces and territories of [[Canada]]
{{geography-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* The proactive way, which is like Nova Scotia is doing, is to use [[COVID-19 testing|rapid tests]] when [[infections]] are low to keep them low,” she said, later adding. “In B.C., we should be doing everything possible to use rapid tests.
** Dr Lyne Filiatrault, who was formally involved in British Columbia’s SARS response in 2003, '''[https://www.cheknews.ca/doctors-skeptical-of-b-c-s-rapid-test-strategy-question-henrys-rationale-927627/ ‘Show the work’: Doctors skeptical of B.C.’s rapid test strategy, question Henry’s rationale]''' (December 16, 2021 UPDATED)
== See also ==
* [[Alberta]]
* [[British Columbia]]
* [[Saskatchewan]]
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia|Nova Scotia}}
[[Category:Provinces of Canada]]
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Russian invasion of Ukraine
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[[File:Russian invasion of Ukraine 2022 montage (1).png|thumb|The [[world]] has already seen many [[war crimes]]. At different times. On different continents. But it is time to do everything possible to make [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|the war crimes of the Russian military]] the last manifestation of such [[evil]] on [[earth]]. ~ [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy]] ]]
The '''[[w:Russian invasion of Ukraine|Russian invasion of Ukraine]]''' is a major escalation of the [[w:Russo-Ukrainian War|Russo-Ukrainian War]] (which began in 2014 with the [[Annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation|Russian invasion and annexation of Crimea]].) Prior to the invasion, Russian troops concentrated near Ukraine's borders, although Russian officials denied plans to attack. The 2022 invasion began on the morning of 24 February, after [[Russian]] President [[Vladimir Putin]] announced a "special military operation" to "demilitarise and denazify" [[Ukraine]].
The invasion caused [[Europe]]'s largest refugee crisis since [[World War II]], with more than 9.4 million Ukrainians fleeing the country and a third of the population displaced. The invasion has also resulted in global food shortages.
==2022==
====Before February 24, 2022====
[[File:Joe Biden in The White House, 28 January 2021.jpg|thumb|President [[Joe Biden]] cast a potential Russian invasion of Ukraine in stark historical terms Tuesday, saying, “it would be the largest invasion since World War II... It would change the world,” said Biden ~ Kristina Wilkies, ''CNBC'']]
[[File: Vladimir Putin (2021-02-27).jpg|thumb|Do you realize that if Ukraine joins NATO and decides to take Crimea back through military means, the European countries will automatically get drawn into a military conflict with Russia? Of course, NATO’s united potential and that of Russia are incomparable. We understand that, but we also understand that Russia is one of the world’s leading nuclear powers, and is superior to many of those countries in terms of the number of modern nuclear force components. But there will be no winners. ~ Vladimir Putin]]
* Is Russia really interested in having a tiny strip of Ukrainian soil, to integrate into their country? No. Putin is putting on pressure because he knows he can do it, he splits the [[European Union]]...On eye level, he wants respect. And my God, giving him respect is low cost, even no cost. It is easy to give him the respect he demands, and probably deserves.
** German Navy Chief [[W:Kay-Achim Schönbach|Kay-Achim Schönbach]] [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/jan/23/german-navy-chief-quits-after-saying-putin-deserves-respect-over-ukraine German navy chief quits after saying Putin deserves respect over Ukraine - Kay-Achim Schönbach said it was ‘nonsense’ that Russia wanted to invade its neighbour and that Kyiv would never win back Crimea, ''The Guardian''], January 23, 2022
* The existing crisis with Russia has origins that go far beyond Putin. Russia has a foreign and security blob, just as does the [[United States]], with a set of semi-permanent beliefs about Russian vital interests rooted in [[History of Russia|national history]] and [[Culture of Russia|culture]], which are shared by large parts of the population. These include the exclusion of hostile military alliances from Russia’s neighborhood and the protection of the political position and cultural rights of Russian minorities. <BR>In the case of Ukraine, [[NATO]] membership for that country implied the expulsion of Russia from the naval base of Sevastopol in [[Crimea]] (a city of immense importance to Russia, both strategic and emotional), and the creation of a hard international frontier between Russia and the [[Russians|Russian]] and [[Russian language|Russian-speaking]] minorities in Ukraine, making up more than a third of the Ukrainian population.
** ''[https://time.com/6141806/russia-ukraine-threats/ Russia Has Been Warning About Ukraine for Decades. The West Should Have Listened]'' by Anatol Lieven, ''Time'', January 25, 2022
* These Russian policies have been linked to a specific set of post-Soviet issues and Russian regional goals. They are not part of some grand malign design to destroy international order, or to act as a willful “disruptor.” Insofar as Russia has set out deliberately to damage Western interests...it has been as a way to put pressure on the West in pursuit of those goals. It may also be pointed out that in the [[Middle East]], it is the U.S. that has frequently acted as a disruptor as with the [[Iraq War|invasion of Iraq]], the [[Libyan Crisis (2011–present)|destruction of the Libyan state]], and [[Donald Trump|Trump]]’s [[w:United_States_withdrawal_from_the_Joint_Comprehensive_Plan_of_Action|decision to abandon the nuclear agreement with Iran]], while Russia has often defended the status quo—partly due to a fear of [[Islamic terrorism|Islamist terrorism]] that it shares with the U.S. In other words, while the terms of any compromise with Russia over Ukraine would involve some tough negotiation, we can seek such a compromise without fearing that this will open the way for further Russian moves to destroy [[NATO]] and subjugate [[East/Central Europe|eastern Europe]]—a ridiculous idea for anyone who knows either the goals of the Russian establishment or the character of [[Polish people|Poles]] and [[Estonians]].
** ''[https://time.com/6141806/russia-ukraine-threats/ Russia Has Been Warning About Ukraine for Decades. The West Should Have Listened]'' by Anatol Lieven, ''Time'', January 25, 2022
*President [[Joe Biden]] cast a potential Russian invasion of Ukraine in stark historical terms Tuesday, saying, “it would be the largest invasion since World War II... It would change the world,” said Biden, if the tens of thousands of Russian troops who have been amassing on the Russian-Ukrainian border were to launch an incursion into Ukrainian territory. Biden’s remarks reflect a growing consensus among experts that any conflict in Ukraine is unlikely to be confined to a small area or a short window of time, and that its effects will ripple through Europe and beyond.
**[https://www.cnbc.com/2022/01/25/biden-says-a-russian-invasion-of-ukraine-would-change-the-world-.html Biden says a Russian invasion of Ukraine ‘would change the world’, Kristina Wilkies, ''CNBC'',] January 25 2022
*The Ukraine crisis is the classic case of a known unknown: We know that we don't know what Russian President Vladimir Putin intends to do as he amasses troops on the Ukrainian border. So how imminent is the threat of a full-scale war? Some fears appear to have receded slightly following key talks that included Russian and Ukrainian officials. But the Pentagon also says the Russian troop buildup continues, and '''President Joe Biden told his Ukrainian counterpart [[Volodymyr Zelensky]] on a call Thursday that there was a distinct possibility Russia could launch an invasion in February.'''
**[https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/28/europe/ukraine-russia-explainer-war-threat-cmd-intl/index.html Ukraine-Russia crisis: How soon might a war be and what would it look like? Laura Smith-Spark, ''CNN''], January 31, 2022
*Imagine if a powerful Russian-led military alliance were asserting the right to be joined by its ally [[Mexico]]—and in the meantime was shipping big batches of [[Weapon|weapons]] to that country—can you imagine the response from [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]]? Hidden in plain sight, the extreme hypocrisy of the U.S. position on NATO and Ukraine cries out for journalistic coverage and open debate in the [[Mainstream media|USA’s major media outlets]]. But those outlets, with rare exceptions, have gone into virtually [[George Orwell|Orwellian]] mode, only allowing elaboration on the theme of America good, Russia bad.
**[[Norman Solomon]] in [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2022/01/31/united-states-russia-do-we-say-not-we-do The United States to Russia: Do as We Say, Not as We Do, ''Common Dreams''], January 31, 2022
*It is always said that the Russian troops are nearer to the border to Ukraine. They are 350 kilometers far away from the border to Ukraine. But the NATO troops, including [[w:Bundeswehr|German troops]], including [[United States Armed Forces|U.S.]], [[w:Canadian_Armed_Forces|Canada]] and [[British Army|British troops]], they are 150 kilometers far away from [[Saint Petersburg|St. Petersburg]], a historical city of Russia. Who is in aggression to whom, when you are looking to these faces? And again, [[NATO]] is spending $1.1 trillion for military purposes. Russia is spending $65 billion for military purposes. Can you imagine that the country whose military budget is one-fourteenth of the budget of the other will be the aggressor? These are stupid stories which only show that the aggression comes from the [[NATO]].
**[[W:Reiner Braun|Reiner Braun]] in [https://www.democracynow.org/2022/2/1/reiner_braun_germany_ukraine_russia Germany Refuses to Send Arms to Ukraine Despite Pressure from U.S. & NATO, ''Democracy Now!'']. February 01, 2022
* The founding myth of 2014 and the [[w:War_in_Donbas|war in eastern Ukraine]] – that [[w:Russian-speaking_Ukrainians|Russian-speaking Ukrainians]] would gladly join Russia – did not result in a pro-Russia groundswell of opinion across the country. While this was realised in Crimea and parts of Donbas, Russophone cities such as Kharkiv and Odesa remain Ukrainian. “This was a huge [[mistakes|miscalculation]] and [[disappointment]] for the authors of the attempted Russian takeover of eastern Ukraine,” Plokhy said.
** Historian [[Serhii Plokhy]] [https://www.newstatesman.com/world/europe/2022/02/serhii-plokhy-its-impossible-to-be-both-democratic-and-pro-russian Serhii Plokhy: it’s impossible for states to be “both democratic and pro-Russian” ''New Statesman'' (1 February 2022)]
* The [[Kremlin]]’s dismembering of Ukraine in 2014 de facto removed millions of the most pro-Russian voters from Ukraine’s electoral rolls. It also turned the tens of millions still living under [[Kyiv]]’s authority decisively against Russia. The share of Ukrainians holding a favourable view of Russia sank from 84 per cent in 2010 to a mere third in 2019, according to polling by the [[w:Pew_Research_Center|Pew Research Center]]. Part of the fall, but not the whole of it, can be explained by the exclusion of those living in territories now controlled by Russia or its proxies.
** ** Historian [[Serhii Plokhy]] [https://www.newstatesman.com/world/europe/2022/02/serhii-plokhy-its-impossible-to-be-both-democratic-and-pro-russian Serhii Plokhy: it’s impossible for states to be “both democratic and pro-Russian” ''New Statesman'' (1 February 2022)]
*Do you realize that if Ukraine joins NATO and decides to take Crimea back through military means, the European countries will automatically get drawn into a military conflict with Russia? Of course, NATO’s united potential and that of Russia are incomparable. We understand that, but we also understand that Russia is one of the world’s leading [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear powers]], and is superior to many of those countries in terms of the number of modern nuclear force components. But there will be no winners, and you will find yourself drawn into this conflict against your will. You will be fulfilling Paragraph 5 of the [[W:Treaty establishing the European Economic Community)|Treaty of Rome]] in a heartbeat, even before you know it.
**[[Vladimir Putin]] press conference with President of France [[Emmanuel Macron|Micron]] on February 8, 2022, quoted in [https://schillerinstitute.com/blog/2022/02/09/putin-asks-does-nato-really-want-to-fight-nuclear-power-russia/ Putin Asks: Does NATO Really Want To Fight Nuclear Power Russia? ''The International Schiller Institute''], (February 9, 2022)
*Hysteria has reached its peak. [rejecting claims that Russian troops massed near Ukraine might attack]
** Kremlin foreign affairs adviser [[w:Yuri Ushakov]], February 12, 2022, quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2022/02/24/ukraine-russia-denials/"Russia’s attack on Ukraine came after months of denials it would attack" (February 24, 2022)]
*President Joe Biden told Russia’s Vladimir Putin that invading Ukraine would cause “widespread human suffering” and that the West was committed to diplomacy to end the crisis but “equally prepared for other scenarios,” the [[White House]] said Saturday. It offered no suggestion that the hourlong call diminished the threat of an imminent war in Europe. Biden also said the United States and its allies would respond “decisively and impose swift and severe costs” if the Kremlin attacked its neighbor, according to the White House...Russia denies it intends to invade but has massed well over 100,000 troops near the Ukrainian border and has sent troops to exercises in neighboring [[Belarus]], encircling Ukraine on three sides.
**[https://apnews.com/article/russia-ukraine-joe-biden-emmanuel-macron-europe-moscow-1f353699f0be1609da5435c98cfc8022 Biden warns Putin of ‘severe costs’ of Ukraine invasion, ''AP News''], February 13, 2022
*The problems with Russia are not just [[w:expansion_of_NATO|NATO expansion]]. There were also a process that began with the [[Presidency of George W. Bush|second Bush administration]] of withdrawing from all of the [[arms control]] — almost all of the arms control agreements that we had concluded with the [[Soviet Union]], the very agreements that had brought the first [[Cold War]] to an end.... In effect, '''what the United States did after the end of the Cold War was they reversed the diplomacy that we had used to end the Cold War, and started sort of doing anything, everything the opposite way'''. We started, in effect, trying to control other countries, to bring them into what we called the [[New world order (politics)|“new world order,”]] but it was not very orderly. And we also sort of asserted the right to use military whenever we wished. We bombed [[Serbia]] in the ’90s without the approval of the [[United Nations|U.N.]] Later, we invaded [[Iraq]], citing [[Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|false evidence]] and without any U.N. approval and against the advice not only of Russia but of [[Germany]] and [[France]], our allies. So, the United States — I could name a number of others — itself was not careful in abiding by the [[International law|international laws]] that we had supported.... To get into another insane arms race, when we have so many other common problems we need to deal with, I think, is extraordinarily unwise.
**[[Jack F. Matlock Jr.]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2022/2/17/jack_matlock_ukraine_russia_nato_us Ex-U.S. Ambassador to USSR: Ukraine Crisis Stems Directly from Post-Cold War Push to Expand NATO], [[W:Democracy Now!|''Democracy Now!'']], February 17, 2022
[[File:Freedom of religion or belief (30134586570).jpg|thumb|Today, across the border of every single African country, live our countrymen with whom we share deep historical, cultural and linguistic bonds. At independence, had we chosen to pursue states on the basis of ethnic, racial or religious homogeneity, we would still be waging bloody wars these many decades later...Kenya registers its strong concern and opposition to the recognition of Donetsk and Luhansk as independent states ~ Kenyan U.N. Ambassador Martin Kimani]]
* Today, across the border of every single [[Africa|African]] country, live our countrymen with whom we share deep historical, cultural and linguistic bonds. At independence, had we chosen to pursue states on the basis of ethnic, racial or religious homogeneity, we would still be waging bloody wars these many decades later.<br/>We believe that all states formed from empires that have collapsed or retreated have many peoples in them yearning for integration with peoples in neighboring states. This is normal and understandable. After all, who does not want to be joined to their brethren and to make common purpose with them? However, [[Kenya]] rejects such a yearning from being pursued by force. <br/>Kenya registers its strong concern and opposition to the recognition of Donetsk and Luhansk as independent states...Let me conclude, Mr. President, by reaffirming Kenya's respect for the territorial integrity of Ukraine within its internationally recognized borders."
** Kenyan U.N. Ambassador [[w:Martin Kimani|Martin Kimani]] [https://www.npr.org/2022/02/22/1082334172/kenya-security-council-russia "Kenyan U.N. ambassador compares Ukraine's plight to colonial legacy in Africa" (February 22, 2022)]
*Russian troops are on sovereign Russian territory...There is no invasion. There is no such plans
** Russia’s ambassador to the United States, [[Anatoly Antonov]], February 20, 2022, quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2022/02/24/ukraine-russia-denials/"Russia’s attack on Ukraine came after months of denials it would attack" (February 24, 2022)]
*President Biden announced new economic sanctions targeting two key Russian financial institutions and five [[w:Russian_oligarchs|Russian oligarchs]] on Tuesday in response to the Kremlin's escalating aggression against Ukraine, penalties that join measures from Western allies that seek to punish Russia for its latest actions. "This is the beginning of the Russian invasion of Ukraine," Mr. Biden said at the White House. "So I'm going to begin to impose sanctions in response, far beyond the steps we implemented in 2014."
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/russia-sanctions-ukraine-us-biden/ What to know about new U.S. sanctions targeting Russia over Ukraine, Melissa Quinn, ''CBS News''], February 23,2022
*The [[w:Associated_Press|Associated Press]] reported the U.S. could eventually move to kick Russia out of the [[W:Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication|SWIFT]] system, a network used by banks and financial institutions to process transactions around the world. U.S. officials have been reluctant to take that step, with deputy national security adviser [[w:Daleep_Singh|Daleep Singh]] recently citing "spillover effects" that made kicking Russia out of SWIFT unlikely, at least initially. "We always will monitor these options, and we'll revise our judgments as time goes on," Singh told reporters last Friday.
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/russia-sanctions-ukraine-us-biden/ What to know about new U.S. sanctions targeting Russia over Ukraine, Melissa Quinn, ''CBS News''], February 23, 2022
* People’s republics of Donbass approached Russia with a request for help. In connection therewith, ... I made the decision to hold a special military operation. Its goal is to protect the people that are subjected to abuse, genocide from the Kiev regime for eight years, and to this end we will seek to demilitarize and denazify Ukraine and put to justice those that committed numerous bloody crimes against peaceful people, including Russian nationals.
**[[Vladimir Putin]] [https://tass.com/politics/1409189 "Decision taken on denazification, demilitarization of Ukraine — Putin" (February 23, 2022)]
====February 24, 2022====
[[File:President Biden at Camp David February 12 2022.jpg|thumb| Putin is the aggressor. Putin chose this war. And now he and his country will bear the consequences... ~ [[Joe Biden]] ]]
*Putin is the [[War of aggression|aggressor]]. Putin chose this war. And now he and his country will bear the consequences... that will impose severe cost on the [[Economy of Russia|Russian economy]], both immediately and over time... The threat of the [[Economic sanctions|sanctions]] ... imposing the sanctions and seeing the effect of the sanctions are two different things. He's going to begin to see the effect of the sanctions. It's going to take time... We have to show resolve so he knows what is coming. And so the people of Russia know what he's brought on them. That's what this is all about.... Our forces are not and will not be engaged in the conflict... Our forces are not going to Europe to fight in Ukraine but defend our NATO allies and reassure those allies in the east... Putin's actions betray a sinister vision for the future of our world, one where nations take what they want by force...[the [[President of Russia|Russian president]]'s actions would] end up costing Russia dearly, economically and strategically.<BR>...I know this is hard and that Americans are already hurting... I'll do everything in my power to limit the pain the American people are feeling at the gas pump...[President Putin] has much larger ambitions than Ukraine. He wants to, in fact, reestablish the former Soviet Union. That's what this is about. I think that his ambitions are completely contrary to the place where the rest of the world has arrived.
**President [[Joe Biden]], [https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/joe-biden-ukraine-russia-sanctions/index.html Biden imposes additional sanctions on Russia: 'Putin chose this war', by Kevin Liptak, ''CNN''], February 24, 2022
*Former President [[Jimmy Carter]] said Thursday that Russia's invasion of Ukraine violates [[international law]] and "threatens security" in Europe and around the globe, joining the other living former Presidents in condemning the Kremlin's attack on its neighbor. "Russia's unprovoked attack on Ukraine using military and cyber weapons violates international law and the fundamental human rights of the Ukrainian people," Carter said in a statement posted on [[Twitter]]. "I condemn this unjust assault on the sovereignty of Ukraine that threatens security in Europe and the entire world, and I call on President Putin to halt all military action and restore peace."<BR>The US and allies, the former President said, "must stand with the people of Ukraine in support of their right to peace, security, and self-determination."
**[https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/jimmy-carter-former-presidents-ukraine-russia/index.htm Jimmy Carter says Russia's invasion of Ukraine 'threatens security in Europe and the entire world' By Shawna Mizelle,] ''CNN'', February 24, 2022
*Former US Presidents [[Barack Obama]], [[George W. Bush]] and [[Bill Clinton]] shared Carter's sentiments, condemning the invasion in their own statements on Thursday. "The [[Federal government of the United States|American government]] and people must stand in solidarity with Ukraine and the Ukrainian people as they seek freedom and the right to choose their own future. We cannot tolerate the authoritarian bullying and danger that Putin poses," Bush said in his statement. Obama called for bipartisan support of Biden's sanctions, saying, "There may be some economic consequences to such sanctions, given Russia's significant role in world energy markets. But that's a price we should be willing to pay to take a stand on the side of freedom." Clinton said that "the world will hold Russia and Russia alone accountable, both economically and politically, for its brazen violation of international law." On Wednesday, former President [[Donald Trump]] called Russia's military operation in Ukraine "a very sad thing for the world" and claimed in a [[Fox News|Fox]] interview that it wouldn't have happened during his administration. But speaking to a [[Conservatism|conservative]] radio show on Tuesday hosted by [[w:Clay_Travis|Clay Travis]] and [[w:Buck_Sexton|Buck Sexton]], Trump had hailed Russian President Vladimir Putin's dismembering of independent, democratic, sovereign Ukraine as an act of "genius."
**[https://www.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/jimmy-carter-former-presidents-ukraine-russia/index.htm Jimmy Carter says Russia's invasion of Ukraine 'threatens security in Europe and the entire world' By Shawna Mizelle,] ''CNN'', February 24, 2022
*An aircraft was shot down over the Ukrainian capital of Kyiv after two explosions were heard in the city, according to [[w:Al_Jazeera|Al Jazeera]] and [[w:Reuters|Reuters]] via CNA. The Ukrainian interior ministry advisor [[w:Anton_Herashchenko|Anton Herashchenko]] said via [[w:Telegram|Telegram]] that attacks with “cruise and ballistic missiles have just resumed.” Meanwhile, the Ukrainian State Border Service says there are casualities after Russian missiles hit a border post in the southeastern city of [[w:Zaporizhzhya|Zaporizhzhya]], according to multiple reports. President [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy]] said scores of people have been killed after Russia launched a full-scale invasion in Ukraine, in a video message late Thursday. Zelenskyy signed a decree on Thursday ordering the broad-based mobilization of all conscripts and reservists to face Russian troops. Ukraine has banned male citizens 18-60 years of age from leaving the country, according to the State Border Guard Service.
**[https://www.reuters.com/world/ Russian troops approach Kyiv as explosions heard across the Ukrainian capital, ''Reuters Live''] Feb 24, 2022
=====Vladimir Putin's Speech on Ukraine and US Foreign Policy and NATO - (February 24, 2022)=====
[[File:HKI 022 No Putin. No war. (Plan B Street Art) (51924066514).jpg|thumb|[To the] ...Ukrainian Armed Forces. Comrade officers, Your fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers did not fight the Nazi occupiers and did not defend our common Motherland to allow today’s neo-Nazis to seize power in Ukraine. You swore the oath of allegiance to the Ukrainian people and not to the junta, the people’s adversary which is plundering Ukraine and humiliating the Ukrainian people.... I urge you to immediately lay down arms and go home.]]
[https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-02-24/full-transcript-vladimir-putin-s-televised-address-to-russia-on-ukraine-feb-24 (Full text)]
*I will begin with what I said in my address on February 21, 2022. I spoke about our biggest concerns and worries, and about the fundamental threats which irresponsible Western politicians created for Russia consistently, rudely and unceremoniously from year to year. I am referring to the [[W:Enlargement of NATO|eastward expansion of NATO]], which is moving its military infrastructure ever closer to the Russian border.
*The [[2011 Libyan civil war|illegal use of military power against Libya]] and the distortion of all the UN Security Council decisions on Libya ruined the state, created a huge seat of international [[terrorism]], and pushed the country towards a humanitarian catastrophe, into the vortex of a civil war, which has continued there for years. The tragedy, which was created for hundreds of thousands and even millions of people not only in [[Libya]] but in the whole region, has led to a [[European migrant crisis|large-scale exodus from the Middle East and North Africa to Europe]]. A similar fate was also prepared for [[Syrian civil war|Syria]]...But the example that stands apart from the above events is, of course, the invasion of Iraq without any legal grounds.
*Overall, it appears that nearly everywhere, in many regions of the world where the United States brought its law and order, this created bloody, non-healing wounds and the curse of international [[terrorism]] and [[extremism]]. I have only mentioned the most glaring but far from only examples of disregard for [[International law|international law.]]
*Incidentally, US [[politicians]], [[Political science|political scientists]] and [[Journalism|journalists]] write and say that a veritable "empire of lies" has been created inside the United States in recent years. It is hard to disagree with this – it is really so. But one should not be modest about it: the United States is still a great country and a system-forming power. All its satellites not only humbly and obediently say yes to and parrot it at the slightest pretext but also imitate its behaviour and enthusiastically accept the rules it is offering them. Therefore, one can say with good reason and confidence that the whole so-called Western bloc formed by the United States in its own image and likeness is, in its entirety, the very same "empire of lies".
*For the United States and its allies, it is a policy of containing Russia, with obvious geopolitical dividends. For our country, it is a matter of life and death, a matter of our historical future as a nation. This is not an exaggeration; this is a fact. It is not only a very real threat to our interests but to the very existence of our state and to its sovereignty. It is the red line which we have spoken about on numerous occasions. They have crossed it.
*We can see that the forces that staged the [[Coup d'état|coup]] in Ukraine in 2014 have seized power, are keeping it with the help of ornamental election procedures and have abandoned the path of a peaceful conflict settlement. For eight years, for eight endless years we have been doing everything possible to settle the situation by peaceful political means.
*I would also like to address the military personnel of the [[w:Ukrainian_Armed_Forces|Ukrainian Armed Forces]]. Comrade officers, Your fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers did not fight the [[w:Operation_Barbarossa|Nazi occupiers]] and did not defend our common Motherland to allow today’s neo-Nazis to seize power in Ukraine. You swore the oath of allegiance to the Ukrainian people and not to the junta, the people’s adversary which is plundering Ukraine and humiliating the Ukrainian people. I urge you to refuse to carry out their criminal orders. I urge you to immediately lay down arms and go home. The military personnel of the Ukrainian army who do this will be able to freely leave the zone of hostilities and return to their families...
*I want to emphasize again that all responsibility for the possible bloodshed will lie fully and wholly with the ruling Ukrainian regime.
*At the end of the day, the future of Russia is in the hands of its multi-ethnic people, as has always been the case in our history. This means that the decisions that I made will be executed, that we will achieve the goals we have set, and reliably guarantee the security of our Motherland.
=====Ukraine President [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy|Volodymyr Zelenskyy]]'s Plea to Russians (February 24, 2022)=====
[[File:Volodymyr Zelensky Official portrait.jpg|thumb|They told you that Ukraine is posing a threat to Russia. It was not the case in the past, not in the present, it's not going to be in the future. You are demanding security guarantees from [[NATO|NATO (The North Atlantic Treaty Organization)]], but we also demand security guarantees. Security for Ukraine from you, from Russia and other guarantees of the Budapest memorandum. But our main goal is [[peace]] in Ukraine ~ President of Ukraine: [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy|Volodymyr Zelenskyy]] ]]
[https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/full-transcript-zelenskyys-emotional-appeal-russians-rcna17485 *Full text (''NBC News'')]
* Today I initiated a phone call with the president of the [[Russia]]n federation. The result was silence. Though the silence should be in Donbass. That's why I want to address today the people of Russia. I am addressing you not as a [[president]], I am addressing you as a citizen of [[Ukraine]]. More than 2,000 km of the common border is dividing us (between Ukraine and Russia). Along this border your troops are stationed, almost 200,000 [[soldiers]], thousands of military vehicles. Your leaders approved them to make a step forward, to the territory of another country (Ukraine). And this step can be the beginning of a big war on [[Europe]]an continent.
* We know for sure that we don't need the [[war]]. Not a [[Cold War]], not a hot war. Not a hybrid one. But if we'll be attacked by the troops, if they try to take our country away from us, our [[freedom]], our lives, the lives of our [[children]], we will defend ourselves. Not attack, but defend ourselves. And when you will be attacking us, you will see our faces, not our backs, but our faces. The war is a big disaster, and this disaster has a high price. With every meaning of this word. People lose [[money]], reputation, quality of life, they lose freedom. But the main thing is that people lose their loved ones, they lose themselves.
* They told you that Ukraine is posing a threat to Russia. It was not the case in the past, not in the present, it's not going to be in the future. You are demanding security guarantees from [[NATO|NATO (The North Atlantic Treaty Organization)]], but we also demand security guarantees. Security for Ukraine from you, from Russia and other guarantees of the [[w:Budapest_memorandum|Budapest memorandum]].
* But our main goal is [[peace]] in Ukraine and the safety of our people, Ukrainians. For that we are ready to have talks with anybody, including you, in any format, on any platform.
* The war will deprive [security] guarantees from everybody — nobody will have guarantees of security anymore. Who will suffer the most from it? The people. Who doesn't want it the most? The people! Who can stop it? The people. But are there those people among you? I am sure.
* I know that they (Russian government) won't show my address on Russian TV, but Russian people have to see it. They need to know the truth, and the truth is that it is time to stop now, before it is too late. And if the Russian leaders don't want to sit with us behind the table for the sake of peace, maybe they will sit behind the table with you. Do Russians want the war? I would like to know the answer. But the answer depends only on you, citizens of the Russian Federation.
====="Russian warship, go fuck yourself" (February 24, 2022)=====
[[File:We Stand with Ukraine 2022 Helsinki - Finland (51904475797).jpg|thumb|Sign at Helsinki rally supporting Ukraine: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself"]]
* Russian warship: 'Snake Island, I, Russian warship, repeat the offer: put down your arms and surrender, or you will be bombed. Have you understood me? Do you copy?'
:: Ukrainian 1 [Roman Hrybov]: 'Nu, vsyo. That’s it, then. Or, do we need to fuck them back off?'
:: Ukrainian 2: 'Might as well.'
:: Ukrainian 1: 'Russian warship, go fuck yourself.'
:Moments later, it was reported, the island was shelled and all the Ukrainian soldiers – thirteen in total – were killed. They are now said to be alive. The exchange became an instant, obvious example of Ukrainian [[courage]] and resolve; in Ukraine itself, road signs between Kyiv and Boryspil were altered to read: ‘Russian ship – fuck yourself.’
**Ukrainian border guard Roman Hrybov, quoted by Alex Abramovitch [https://www.lrb.co.uk/blog/2022/february/idi-haxuj "Idi haxuj" ''London Review of Books'' February 28, 2022]
*...the word being translated as ‘fuck’ here is khuy. Idi nakhuy (иди наxуй) – ‘go to dick’ or, more loosely, ‘go sit on a dick’ – is what the Ukrainians (and the road signs) have been saying. <br/>Translating [[Profanity|swear words]] is never simple...‘Иди наxуй is the worst thing you can say,’ my sister Mariana tells me. She lives in Europe, and my Russian’s OK but hers is still fluent. ‘You can’t say it in jest, unlike pizdets or ebat. You can play with those two words. You can’t play with idi nakhuy. It’s a really aggressive, serious swear word.’...‘Go the fuck, you fucks’ gets us closer, but only a bit. The truth is, there’s nothing in English that goes quite so far. (In Spinal Tap terms, our curses go up to ten, but Russian words go to eleven.)
**Alex Abramovitch [https://www.lrb.co.uk/blog/2022/february/idi-haxuj "Idi haxuj" ''London Review of Books'' February 28, 2022)]
* The use of the phrase ["Russian warship, go fuck yourself"] by Ukrainian society has been lauded as one of the examples of how the country sought to undermine the [[legitimacy]] of Russia’s invasion through non-military means. However, the Snake Island incident also has been cited as a case study of how unverified information had the potential of spreading during the war.
**[https://www.theguardian.com/profile/pjotr-sauer Pjotr Sauer], [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/mar/29/ukrainian-soldier-russian-warship-medal-snake-island "Ukraine gives medal to soldier who told Russian officer to ‘go fuck yourself’" ''The Guardian'' (March 29, 2022)]
====="Take these seeds and put them in your pockets." (February 24, 2022) =====
[[File:Pro-Ukraine protest in London's Trafalgar Square - (51911031677).jpg|thumb|Sign at pro-Ukraine protest in London: "Take these seeds and put them in your pockets."]]
*Take these [[seed]]s so [[sunflowers]] grow when you die here...Guys, put these seeds into your pockets. Take these seeds. You will die here with them. You’ve come to my land … Do you understand? You’re occupiers. You’re enemies. And from now on, you’re cursed.
**Unknown Ukrainian woman to Russian soldier, English translation by BBC according to [https://www.scmp.com/news/world/russia-central-asia/article/3168742/how-sunflowers-became-symbol-ukraines-resistance "How sunflowers became a symbol of Ukraine’s resistance amid Russia’s invasion" ''South China Morning Post'' March 1, 2022]
*You’re [[Military occupation|occupiers]]. You are [[Fascism|fascists]]. Why the fuck did you come here with your [[guns]]?...Take these [[Seed|seeds]] and put them in your pocket so, at least, [[sunflowers]] will grow on your graves.
**Unknown Ukrainian woman to Russian soldier, English translation by Alex Abramovitch [https://www.lrb.co.uk/blog/2022/february/idi-haxuj "Idi haxuj" ''London Review of Books'' February 28, 2022)]
* Good for her! Good for her! Let’s just recognise for a second how ice cold that insult is. 'Take these seeds and put them in your pocket so sunflowers will grow when you die...That woman brought seeds to a gunfight and still comfortably won.
**[[John Oliver]] quoted in [https://www.scmp.com/news/world/russia-central-asia/article/3168742/how-sunflowers-became-symbol-ukraines-resistance "How sunflowers became a symbol of Ukraine’s resistance amid Russia’s invasion" ''South China Morning Post'' March 1, 2022]
=====Quotes concerning the legality of Russia's February 24 invasion of Ukraine=====
[[File:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine.svg|thumb|We are seeing [[Russian]] [[military]] [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|operations inside the sovereign territory]] of [[Ukraine]] on a scale that [[Europe]] has not seen in decades. <br /> Day after day, I have been clear that such unilateral measures conflict directly with the [[United Nations]] Charter. ~ [[António Guterres]] ]]
* We are seeing Russian military operations inside the sovereign territory of Ukraine on a scale that Europe has not seen in decades. <br /> Day after day, I have been clear that such unilateral measures conflict directly with the [[Charter of the United Nations|United Nations Charter]]. <br /> The Charter is clear: “All members shall refrain in their international relations from the threat or use of force against the territorial integrity or political independence of any state, or in any other manner inconsistent with the Purposes of the United Nations.” The use of force by one country against another is the repudiation of the principles that every country has committed to uphold.
** UN Secretary-General [[António Guterres]] [https://unric.org/en/statement-by-the-secretary-general-on-ukraine/ "Statement by the Secretary-General – on Ukraine" (23 February 2022)]
* Russia’s widespread military invasion of Ukraine is a clear and flagrant act of aggression in violation of Article 2(4) of the United Nations Charter, with no plausible legal justification. These actions are deeply destabilizing to the international order and undermine the foundational legal regime that has governed [[international relations]] since the [[Aftermath of World War II|end of World War II]].
**[[W:Allen Weiner]], Director of the Stanford Program in International and Comparative Law, [https://law.stanford.edu/2022/02/24/stanfords-allen-weiner-on-the-russian-invasion-of-ukraine/ "Stanford’s Allen Weiner on the Russian Invasion of Ukraine" (February 24, 2022)]
* While one may be able to mount a legal challenge to Russia’s contention that its joint operation with Russia’s newly recognized independent nations of Lugansk and Donetsk constitutes a “regional security or self-defense organization” as regards “anticipatory collective self-defense actions” under Article 51...The bottom line is that Russia has set forth a cognizable claim under the doctrine of anticipatory collective self defense, devised originally by the U.S. and NATO, as it applies to [[W:Chapter_VII_of_the_United_Nations_Charter#Article_51|Article 51]] which is predicated on fact, not fiction.
:While it might be in vogue for people, organizations, and governments in the West to embrace the knee-jerk conclusion that Russia’s military intervention constitutes a wanton violation of the United Nations Charter and, as such, constitutes an illegal war of aggression, the uncomfortable [[truth]] is that, of all the claims made regarding the legality of pre-emption under Article 51 of the United Nations Charter, Russia’s justification for invading Ukraine is on solid legal ground.
**Ex-UN weapons inspector [[Scott Ritter]], [https://consortiumnews.com/2022/03/29/russia-ukraine-the-law-of-war-crime-of-aggression/ Russia, Ukraine & the Law of War: Crime of Aggression, Part I]], [[W:Consortium News|''Consortium News'']], March 29, 2022
====February 25, 2022====
[[File:Pancarte citant le président Ukrainien Volodymyr Zelensky.jpg|thumb|Sign at Montreal rally supporting Ukraine: "I don't need a ride, I need ammunition ~ Zelenskyy"]]
* '''The fight is here; I need ammunition, not a ride.'''
** [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy]], speaking to an U.S. intelligence official after being offered an evacuation from Kyiv [https://apnews.com/article/russia-ukraine-business-europe-united-nations-kyiv-6ccba0905f1871992b93712d3585f548 "AP Live updates: Zelenskyy declines US offer to evacuate Kyiv"]
*[[Pope Francis]] went to the Russian embassy to the [[w:Vatican_City|Holy See]] on Friday to relay his concern over Russia's invasion of Ukraine to [[Moscow]]'s ambassador, in an unprecedented departure from diplomatic protocol. Vatican spokesman [[W:Matteo Bruni|Matteo Bruni]] said the pope spent more than half an hour at the embassy. "He went to express his concern over the war," Bruni said, declining to give details about the visit or the conversation... The ambassador was quoted as saying that the pope "called for the protection of children, the protection of the sick and suffering, and the protection of people."
**[https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2022-02-25/pope-went-to-russian-embassy-to-express-concern-over-war-to-moscow-envoy?rec-type=sailthru Departing From Protocol, Pope Goes to Russian Embassy Over Ukraine, ''US News and World Report''] Feb 25, 2022
*After decades of ignoring Russia’s [[national security]] concerns, the West is confronted with a military invasion of Ukraine which serves as a precursor for a [[Cold War II|new Cold War]] that will define [[Russia–NATO relations|Russia’s relationship with the West]] for years to come. Let there be no mistake, on Feb. 24, the world awoke to a new reality. Prior to this date, Russia was treated by the West as an annoyance, belittled by economic and even military elites as little more than a “giant gas station masquerading as a nation,” to quote [[John McCain]]... Because no one took Russia seriously, no one could imagine a large-scale ground war in Europe....
**[[Scott Ritter]], [https://www.energyintel.com/0000017f-307c-d3e7-a17f-f1fdfee40000 Russia’s Invasion of Ukraine in Perspective, ''Energy Intelligence Group,''] Feb 25, 2022
*Ukraine’s defense ministry is telling residents to make Molotov cocktails and firebombs to help fight back in Kyiv as Russian forces close in on the capital city. In a [[Facebook]] post, the agency warned citizens they need to be ready to fight if Russian forces get into the city, ''BBC'' reported. Residents need to "inform us of troop movements, to make Molotov cocktails [firebombs] and neutralise the enemy.”
**[https://thehill.com/policy/international/595802-ukraine-defense-ministry-tells-residents-to-make-molotov-cocktails-in Ukraine defense ministry tells residents to use Molotov cocktails in Kyiv, Lexi Lonas, ''The Hill'',] February 25, 2022
* My Russian interlocutors, some of whom I’ve known for many years, are by no means pro-Western anymore; they’re very angry with Western policy in recent years and they’re not pro-Ukrainian. But I have to say they’re horrified by what has happened. They really didn’t expect an invasion on this scale. They thought something would happen, but that it would be much more limited.
** [[Anatol Lieven]], [https://prospect.org/world/worse-than-a-crime-its-a-blunder-russia-ukraine-lieven-interview/ "Worse Than a Crime; It’s a Blunder"] interview with Anatol Lieven, ''Prospect'', February 25, 2022
====February 26, 2022====
*[[w:Chinese_Foreign_Ministry|Chinese Foreign Ministry]] spokesperson [[Hua Chunying]] asserted Wednesday that the U.S. is “the culprit of current tensions surrounding Ukraine.” A day later, within hours of Russian forces moving into Ukraine, [[Wang Yi|Wang]] unambiguously aligned [[China]] with Russia by telling Russian Foreign Minister [[Sergey Lavrov]] that [[China]] “understands the Russian side's legitimate concerns on security issues” in Ukraine. Hua hammered that point home by attacking the U.S. when journalists questioned why China would not commit to joining international efforts to defend Ukraine’s sovereignty. “You keep asking when will China join the U.S. and some European countries to condemn Russia. This reminds me that it is the handful of countries you raised, including the U.S., that has been interfering in China’s internal affairs and attacking China based on disinformation,” said Hua. “Even today, China still faces a realistic threat from the U.S. flanked by its several allies as they wantonly and grossly meddle in China’s domestic affairs and undermine China’s sovereignty and security on issues, including [[w:Xinjiang|Xinjiang]], [[Hong Kong]] and [[Taiwan]].”
**[https://www.politico.com/news/2022/02/26/china-sees-strategic-advantage-in-russias-ukraine-invasion-00012032 China sees strategic advantage in Russia’s Ukraine invasion, Phelim Kine,] ''Politico'', Feb 26, 2022
*The chips are down, as much of the US-equipped and backed Ukrainian military appears to have turned and ran as Russian forces approached. That is not to say that there has not been death and destruction on both sides. The battle for Kherson was brutal, with plenty of Russian losses. But nevertheless, as of this writing, it has fallen to Russian control. Kiev in the main may well fall within the next 12-24 hours. Russian troops are already in the city. And Zelensky is in his bunker with fewer and fewer to take his calls. The cavalry he believed was promised him will not be coming to rescue him. Ukraine will be de-militarized and Ukraine will be neutral. Once held up as a great ally of Washington and [[Brussels]], Zelensky is alone.
**[http://www.ronpaulinstitute.org/archives/featured-articles/2022/february/25/washingtons-crocodile-tears-over-ukraines-destruction/ Daniel McAdams, Washington’s Crocodile Tears Over Ukraine’s Destruction], ''The Ron Paul Institute for Peace & Prosperity'' February 26, 2022
====February 27, 2022====
*This is not a time to stand on the sidelines. This is a time to be vocal and condemn the actions of President Putin and Russia invading a sovereign country. But there’s also important steps for the [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese leadership]] to look at themselves and really assess where they want to stand as the history books are written.
**[[Jen Psaki]] as quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/white-house-calls-china-condemn-russias-invasion-ukraine-2022-02-27/ "White House calls on China to condemn Russia's invasion of Ukraine," ''Reuters'' February 27, 2022]
====February 28, 2022====
*China is closely following the development of the Ukraine situation and supports all efforts that are conducive to easing the situation and seeking political settlement. China noted the relevant parties’ statements on the nuclear issue. I want to stress once again that, when it comes to European security, all countries' legitimate security concerns should be taken seriously. When NATO has made five waves of eastward expansion, Russia’s legitimate demands should be taken seriously and addressed properly. Relevant parities should exercise restraint and avoid further escalation of the situation.
**[[Wang Wenbin]] [http://gm.china-embassy.org/eng/wjbfyrth/202202/t20220228_10646378.htm "Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Wang Wenbin’s Regular Press Conference on February 28, 2022]
====March 2022====
[[File:P20220301AS-3170 (51989432295).jpg|thumb|Putin’s latest attack on Ukraine was premeditated and unprovoked. He rejected repeated efforts at diplomacy. He thought the West and NATO wouldn’t respond. And he thought he could divide us at home. Putin was wrong. We were ready. ~Joe Biden]]
[[File:We Stand with Ukraine 2022 Helsinki - Finland (51906085980).jpg|thumb|Ukraine’s online propaganda is largely focused on its [[heroes]] and [[Martyrdom|martyrs]], characters who help dramatize tales of Ukrainian [[Courage|fortitude]] and Russian [[aggression]]. ~ Stuart A. Thompson, ''New York Times'' ]]
*Six days ago, Russia’s Vladimir Putin sought to shake the foundations of the free world thinking he could make it bend to his menacing ways. But he badly miscalculated. He thought he could roll into Ukraine and the world would roll over. Instead he met a wall of [[strength]] he never imagined. He met the Ukrainian people. From President Zelenskyy to every Ukrainian, their fearlessness, their [[courage]], their [[determination]], [[inspires]] the [[world]]. Groups of citizens blocking tanks with their bodies. Everyone from students to retirees teachers turned soldiers defending their homeland.
** [[Joe Biden]] [https://www.whitehouse.gov/state-of-the-union-2022/ State of the Union (March 1, 2022)]
*Putin’s latest attack on Ukraine was premeditated and unprovoked. He rejected repeated efforts at diplomacy. He thought the West and NATO wouldn’t respond. And he thought he could divide us at home. Putin was wrong. We were ready. Here is what we did. We prepared extensively and carefully. We spent months building a coalition of other freedom-loving nations from Europe and the Americas to [[Asia]] and [[Africa]] to confront Putin. I spent countless hours unifying our European allies. We shared with the world in advance what we knew Putin was planning and precisely how he would try to falsely justify his aggression. We countered Russia’s lies with truth. And now that he has acted the free world is holding him accountable.
**[[Joe Biden]] [https://www.whitehouse.gov/state-of-the-union-2022/ State of the Union (March 1, 2022)]
*The claims by Ukraine do not compare to the [[lying|falsehoods]] being spread by Russia...Instead, Ukraine’s online propaganda is largely focused on its [[heroes]] and [[Martyrdom|martyrs]], characters who help dramatize tales of Ukrainian [[Courage|fortitude]] and Russian [[aggression]].
** [https://www.nytimes.com/by/stuart-a-thompson Stuart A. Thompson] [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/03/technology/ukraine-war-misinfo.html "Fact and Mythmaking Blend in Ukraine’s Information War" ''New York Times'' March 3, 2022]
* On March 3 we unequivocally condemned this unprovoked aggression and stated our support for the Ukrainian people. Our company has represented the pianist [[Boris Berezovsky]], an extraordinary gifted artist and paradoxical individual, for almost 20 years…
*We strongly condemn the comments he made during his TV appearance and we must sadly suspend the representation of Boris Berezovsky by our company
** [[w:Productions Sarfati]] [https://www.classical-music.com/news/pianist-boris-berezovsky-dropped-by-agent-following-comments-on-ukraine-conflict/ Pianist Boris Berezovsky dropped by agent following comments on Ukraine conflict] (March 3, 2022)
*There are many theories for why [[w:Russian_propaganda|Russian propaganda]] about Ukraine has fallen so flat. Perhaps the most obvious is that the invasion is just too [[ugly]] a pig to pretty up — an act so baldly unjustified that no amount of propaganda could set it right.
** [[Farhad Manjoo]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/02/opinion/putin-disinformation-social-media.html "Putin No Longer Seems Like a Master of Disinformation" ''NYT'' March 2, 2022]
[[File:Stamp of Ukraine s376.jpg|thumb|Russia and Ukraine are Europe’s [[bread|breadbasket]] ~ [[w:Maryn McKenna|Maryn McKenna]]]]
* Russia and Ukraine are Europe’s [[bread|breadbasket]]...The two countries account for almost 30 percent of global wheat exports, almost 20 percent of corn exports, and more than 80 percent of the world supply of sunflower oil. '''Those exports are stalled for different reasons—in Ukraine by Russia’s invasion, and in Russia by global sanctions—but the net effect is the same'''...Analysts worry that the countries that buy the most wheat from Ukraine—predominantly in Africa and the [[Middle East]]—will have the hardest time paying as prices rise.
** [[w:Maryn McKenna|Maryn McKenna]] [https://www.wired.com/story/the-war-in-ukraine-is-threatening-the-breadbasket-of-europe/ "The War in Ukraine Is Threatening the Breadbasket of Europe" ''Wired'' (March 11, 2022)]
* What is happening in Ukraine is a [[crime]]. Russia is an aggressor country and the responsibility for this aggression rests on the conscience of only one person. That person is Vladimir Putin. My father is Ukrainian, my mother is Russian, and they've never been enemies. This necklace I'm wearing is a [[symbol]] of the fact that Russia must immediately end this fratricidal war and our fraternal peoples will still be able to reconcile. Unfortunately, I've spent the last few years working for [[w:Channel One Russia|Channel One]], doing Kremlin [[propaganda]], and I'm very ashamed of this. Ashamed that I allowed lies to be broadcast from [[Television|TV]] screens. Ashamed that I allowed others to [[zombie|zombify]] Russian people. We were silent in [[w:Annexation of Crimea by the Russian Federation|2014]] when all this started. We didn't protest when the Kremlin [[w:Poisoning of Alexei Navalny|poisoned Navalny]]. We just silently watched this inhuman regime at work. And now the whole world has turned its back on us. And the next 10 generations won't wash away the stain of this fratricidal war. We Russians are thinking and intelligent people. It's in our power alone to stop all this madness. Go protest. Don't be afraid of anything. They can't lock us all away.
** [[Marina Ovsyannikova]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_MG0os17XM "‘I spread Kremlin propaganda’: Russian TV news protester's pre-recorded statement"] March 14, 2022
* On the Ukraine issue, China has been independently making its judgment based on the merits of the matter itself in an objective and just manner. The Chinese side always maintains that the sovereignty and territorial integrity of all countries must be respected, and the purposes and principles of the UN Charter must be observed. We attach importance to the security concerns of all countries and support all efforts that are conducive to peaceful resolution of the crisis. As a responsible major country, China will continue to play a constructive role in maintaining world peace and stability.
**PRC Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Zhao Lijian [https://www.fmprc.gov.cn/mfa_eng/xwfw_665399/s2510_665401/202203/t20220317_10652759.html "Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Zhao Lijian’s Regular Press Conference on March 17, 2022" Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the People's Republic of China (March 17, 2022)]
* The key to solving the Ukraine crisis is in the hands of the US and NATO. We hope the US and NATO, the culprits of the crisis, can reflect upon their roles in the Ukraine crisis. They should earnestly shoulder due responsibilities and take real actions to ease the situation, resolve the problem and end the conflict in Ukraine at an early date. We also hope that the US can truly work with most developing countries in the world to stand on the side of peace and justice and help to ease the Ukraine situation soon.
**PRC Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Zhao Lijian [https://www.fmprc.gov.cn/mfa_eng/xwfw_665399/s2510_665401/202203/t20220317_10652759.html "Foreign Ministry Spokesperson Zhao Lijian’s Regular Press Conference on March 17, 2022" Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the People's Republic of China (March 17, 2022)]
* I urge the Russian people and the Russian soldiers in Ukraine to understand the propaganda and the [[disinformation]] that you are being told. I ask you to help me spread the [[truth]] so that your fellow Russians will [[know]] the human [[catastrophe]] that is happening in Ukraine. To President Putin, I say: You started this war. You’re leading this war. You can stop this war now.
** [[Arnold Schwarzenegger]], [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/03/schwarzenegger-russia-ukraine-war-message/627100/ "I Have a Message for My Russian Friends"] in ''The Atlantic'' (March 17, 2022)
* “We live next to a volcano. The volcano just erupted, and it just happens that the lava is currently flowing down the other side of the mountain.”
** [[w:Giorgi Khelashvili|Giorgi Khelashvili]], talking about Russia's invasion of Ukraine, quoted in [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/19/world/europe/ukraine-georgia-war.html "Ukraine Reminds Georgia of Its Own War With Russia. That Creates a Dilemma"a lawmaker for Georgia’s governing party, Georgian Dream" by Patrick Kingsley, ''The New York Times''] (March 19, 2022)
* I feel responsible for this war. Neither I nor my countrymen have done enough to stop it
** [[w:Alexander Melnikov|Alexander Melnikov]] [https://www.rhinegold.co.uk/international_piano/pianists-speak-out-on-ukraine/ Pianists speak out on Ukraine ] (25th March 2022)
* Unfortunately, and to our silent astonishment, a significant part of Ukrainian people — and not everyone — turn out to have been captured by the insanity of [[Nazi|Nazism]]. Before this, I also thought that there were a few of them, but I couldn’t have imagined that there were so many of them.
**''[[w:RT (TV network)|RT]]'' Editor-in-Chief [[w:Margarita Simonyan|Margarita Simonyan]] (March 26, 2022) [https://talkingpointsmemo.com/muckraker/russia-bucha-massacre-rhetoric-ukraine "How The Kremlin Dehumanizing Ukraine Set The Stage For Bucha" by Josh Kovensky ''TPM'']
[[File:We will not give up anything and will fight for every meter of our land, for every person - address by the President of Ukraine. (51972098928).jpg|thumb|And now - this is the most important thing. We will not give up anything. And we will fight for every meter of our land, for every our person. ~ Volodymyr Zelenskyy]]
* Yes, there is an ongoing negotiation process. But these are still words. So far no specifics. There are also other words about the alleged withdrawal of Russian troops from Kyiv and Chernihiv. About the alleged reduction of activity of occupiers in these directions. We know that this is not a withdrawal, but the consequences of exile. Consequences of the work of our defenders. But we also see that at the same time there is an accumulation of Russian troops for new strikes in Donbas. And we are preparing for this. We do not believe anyone - we do not trust any beautiful verbal constructions. There is a real situation on the battlefield.
** [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy]] [https://www.president.gov.ua/en/news/mi-nichogo-ne-viddamo-i-budemo-borotisya-za-kozhen-metr-nash-73973 "We will not give up anything and will fight for every meter of our land, for every person - address by the President of Ukraine"] (March 30, 2022)
* And now - this is the most important thing. We will not give up anything. And we will fight for every meter of our land, for every our person.
** [[Volodymyr Zelenskyy]] [https://www.president.gov.ua/en/news/mi-nichogo-ne-viddamo-i-budemo-borotisya-za-kozhen-metr-nash-73973 "We will not give up anything and will fight for every meter of our land, for every person - address by the President of Ukraine"] (March 30, 2022)
====April 2022====
*While the Ukrainian government, [[Politics of the United States|American politicians]], and [[human rights]] groups can make allegations of [[war crimes]] by Russia in Ukraine, proving these allegations is a much more difficult task. Moreover, it appears that, upon closer examination, the accuser (at least when it comes to the Ukrainian government) might become the accused should any thorough investigation of the alleged events occur.
**[[Scott Ritter]], [https://consortiumnews.com/2022/04/01/russia-ukraine-and-the-law-of-war-war-and-war-crimes/ "Russia, Ukraine & the Law of War: Crime of Aggression, Part II]", ''Consortium News'', April 1, 2022
*Could war have been prevented by a Russian-Western deal that halted NATO expansion and neutralised Ukraine in return for solid guarantees of Ukrainian independence and sovereignty? Quite possibly.
**[[w:Geoffrey Roberts|Geoffrey Roberts]], [https://geoffreyroberts.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Now-or-never-Putins-Decsion-for-War-with-Ukraine.pdf "‘Now or never’: Putin’s Decision for War with Ukraine"] April 2, 2022.
* To note that Putin believed he had been backed into a corner by the west is not to endorse his perceptions and assessments of the situation. Still less does it lend any justification to his actions. As I and other Russian studies specialists state elsewhere: “The invasion is Putin’s war, a war of choice not necessity. The prime responsibility for the conflict, and all its sorrowful, devastating and dangerous consequences, is his.”
**[[w:Geoffrey Roberts|Geoffrey Roberts]], [https://geoffreyroberts.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/Now-or-never-Putins-Decsion-for-War-with-Ukraine.pdf "‘Now or never’: Putin’s Decision for War with Ukraine"] April 2, 2022, quoting [https://www.change.org/p/academics-end-the-invasion-of-ukraine-now-appeal-by-russian-studies-specialists a petition he launched at Change.org on March 2, 2022].
* Saying that [[Ukraine]] doesn’t really exist is as absurd as saying that [[Ireland]] doesn’t exist because it was long under [[British Empire|British rule]], or that [[Norwegians]] are really [[Swedes]].
** [[Anna Reid]], [https://www.foreignaffairs.com/articles/ukraine/2022-04-06/putins-war-history-ukraine-russia "Putin’s War on History" published in ''Foreign Affairs'' May/June 2022 issue] April 6, 2022
* The idea that Ukrainians are too weak and divided to stand up for themselves is one they are magnificently disproving on the battlefield.
** [[Anna Reid]], [https://www.foreignaffairs.com/articles/ukraine/2022-04-06/putins-war-history-ukraine-russia "Putin’s War on History" published in ''Foreign Affairs'' May/June 2022 issue] April 6, 2022
* The Ukraine war should be considered more deeply. This war isn't simply about a military invasion of a country. The roots of this invasion are deep and a complex, difficult future for humans can be predicted, Today the world is on the threshold of a new world order: a new international order against the previous monopolar and bipolar world.
** Islamic Revolution Ayatollah Seyed [[Ali Khamenei]] [https://www.tasnimnews.com/en/news/2022/04/27/2701818/ayatollah-khamenei-us-getting-weaker-day-by-day tasnim]
===== Make the war crimes of the Russian military the last manifestation of this evil on earth (3 April 2022) =====
[[File:Working trip of the President of Ukraine to the Kyiv region 62.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] has already seen many [[war crimes]]. At different times. On different continents. But it is time to do everything possible to make [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|the war crimes of the Russian military]] the last manifestation of such [[evil]] on [[earth]].]]
:<small>[https://www.president.gov.ua/en/news/chas-zrobiti-vse-shob-voyenni-zlochini-rosijskih-vijskovih-s-74053 "It is time to do everything to make the war crimes of the Russian military the last manifestation of this evil on earth" (3 April 2022)]</small>
* Today this address will be without greetings. I do not want any extra words. <br/> Presidents do not usually record addresses like this. But today I have to say just that. After [[w:Bucha massacre|what was revealed in Bucha]] and our other cities the occupiers were expelled from. Hundreds of people were killed. Tortured, executed civilians. Corpses on the streets. Mined area. Even the bodies of the dead were mined! The pervasive consequences of looting. Concentrated evil has come to our land. Murderers. Torturers. Rapists. Looters. Who call themselves the army. And who deserve only death after what they did.
* I want all the [[Government of Russia|leaders of the Russian Federation]] to see how their orders are being fulfilled. Such orders. Such a fulfillment. And joint responsibility. For these murders, for these tortures, for these arms torn off by explosions that lie on the streets. For shots in the back of the head of tied people. <br/> This is how the Russian state will now be perceived. This is your image. <br/> Your culture and human appearance perished together with the Ukrainian men and women to whom you came.
* The [[world]] has already seen many [[war crimes]]. At different times. On different continents. But it is time to do everything possible to make [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|the war crimes of the Russian military]] the last manifestation of such [[evil]] on [[earth]].
* We drove the enemy out of several regions. But Russian troops still control the occupied areas of other regions. And after the expulsion of the occupiers, even worse things can be found there. Even more deaths and tortures. Because this is the nature of the Russian military who came to our land. These are bastards who can't do otherwise. And they had such orders. <br/> All partners of Ukraine will be informed in detail about what happened in the temporarily occupied territory of our state. War crimes in Bucha and other cities during the Russian occupation will also be considered by the UN Security Council on Tuesday. <br/> There will definitely be a new package of sanctions against Russia. But I'm sure that's not enough. More conclusions are needed. Not only about Russia, but also about the political behavior that actually allowed this evil to come to our land.
* We see what’s at stake in this war. We see what we are defending. <br/> There are standards of the Ukrainian army - moral and professional. And it is not our army that has to adjust now. These are many other armies that should learn from our military. <br/> And there are standards of the Ukrainian people. And there are standards of the Russian occupiers. This is good and evil. This is Europe and a black hole that wants to tear it all apart and absorb.
* I am sure the time will come and the whole line of the state border of Ukraine will be restored. <br/> And for this to happen sooner, we must all be focused, ready to boldly face evil and respond to every criminal act against Ukraine, against our people, against our freedom. <br/> Evil will be punished. <br/> Glory to Ukraine!
=====Statement on Bucha by Russia’s Permanent Representative to the UN [[w:Vassily Nebenzya]] (April 4, 2022)=====
[[File:DestroyedcarinBucha.png|thumb|During the time that the town has been under the control of the Russian armed forces, not a single local resident has suffered from any violent action. ~ Vassily Nebenzya]]
:<small>[https://russiaun.ru/en/news/pressconf_040422 "Press Briefing by Permanent Representative Vassily Nebenzia on the situation in the town of Bucha (Kiev Region) and related matters" (April 4, 2022)]</small>
* From the very beginning it has been clear that this is nothing else but yet another staged provocation aimed at discrediting and dehumanizing of the Russian military and levelling political pressure on Russia. Not many of you know about the Russian military, but I assure you that Russian military is nothing that it is being accused of, in particular what regards “cruel atrocities” against civil population. It is not the case. It never was, and will never be.
* During the time that the town has been under the control of the Russian armed forces, '''not a single local resident has suffered from any violent action.'''
* Four days after the Russian military left the city of Bucha there was not a single sign of any “atrocities”. I repeat – not a single reference to it, anywhere. The infamous video depicting bodies on the city roads only appeared on April 3rd. It is full of discrepancies and blatant lies. According to its authors, the bodies were lying on the streets for at least 4 days by the time the video was filmed. However, the bodies are not stiffened. How is that possible? It is against the law of biology. The bodies do not have signs of decomposition known to forensic experts, including cadaver stains. The wounds contain no blood. What happened in Bucha is exactly a [[Deception|false flag]] attack by the Kiev regime and its Western sponsors. The possible goal of this provocation is horrifying and brings back the nightmares of the Nazi crimes during the [[World War II|Second World War]].
* Vladimir Zelensky, once he arrived in Bucha, hinted that this “incident” justifies any “uncivilized response”. By this basically he confirmed that the Kiev regime considers [[genocide]] as a method of warfare. Now the nationalists have a pretext to commit a real massacre of innocent Ukrainian people executing them as “traitors”. We want the world to stay alert and we call on the Council not to let these horrific cleansing to happen.
* Now, to what you see in the streets of Bucha. The corpses had never existed before the departure of Russian troops, and then suddenly appeared in the streets, lying on the road one by one, right and left. If you look carefully, you will see that some of them are moving. Some of them are showing signs of life. You cannot escape from an understanding that this is staged, that it is a fake and a provocation. Because, as you all know, besides the warfare, we have a raging information war. And we have evidence that it was premeditated and arranged by the Ukrainian information warfare machine.
*Q: Would Russia, for example, welcome an independent investigation? You talk about the misinformation wars, the fog of war. It's difficult to understand who's giving you facts and who's not. Right. So would you agree to an independent mechanism to investigate the atrocities that we both can agree are happening in Ukraine? And then a second part, what is so egregious about the 24 hours delay? To help us understand, this meeting that you requested for today is happening tomorrow. So what is so outrageous about this delay?
: A ([[Vasily Nebenzya|Nebenzya]]): The question is who is doing the so-called independent investigation. We've seen lots of independent investigations which were not independent at all because they were politically motivated, biased, etc.
* A satellite image of Bucha in Ukraine appears to show bodies lying in the street nearly two weeks before the Russians left the town. The image from 19 March, first reported by the [[The New York Times|New York Times]] and confirmed by the BBC, directly contradicts Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov's claim that footage of bodies in Bucha, that has emerged in recent days, was "staged" after the Russians withdrew....The Russian defence ministry claimed that while Bucha was under Russian control "not a single local resident has suffered from any violent action". This claim, however, contradicts numerous eyewitness accounts from residents.
**BBC fact-checking of Russian claims about Bucha [https://www.bbc.com/news/60981238 "Bucha killings: Satellite image of bodies site contradicts Russian claims" (April 5, 2022)]
===== UN Secretary-General [[António Guterres]] at the UN Security Council Meeting on Ukraine (April 5, 2022) =====
[[File:Exhumation of bodies in Bucha, 2022-04-08.webp|thumb|The war has led to senseless loss of [[life]], massive devastation in urban centres, and the [[destruction]] of civilian infrastructure.]]
:<small>[https://www.un.org/sg/en/node/262883 Secretary-General's remarks at the UN Security Council Meeting on Ukraine (5 April 2022)]</small>
* We are dealing with the full-fledged [[w:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine|invasion]], on several fronts, of one Member State of the United Nations, Ukraine, by another, the Russian Federation — a Permanent Member of the Security Council — in violation of the United Nations Charter, and with several aims, including redrawing the internationally-recognized borders between the two countries. <br/> The war has led to senseless loss of life, massive devastation in urban centres, and the destruction of civilian infrastructure. <br/> I will never forget the horrifying images of {{w|Bucha massacre|civilians killed in Bucha}}. <br/> I immediately called for an independent investigation to guarantee effective [[accountability]].
* The war in Ukraine must stop — now. <br/> We need serious negotiations for peace, based on the principles of the United Nations Charter. <br/> This Council is charged with maintaining peace — and doing so in solidarity. <br/> I deeply regret the divisions that have prevented the Security Council from acting not only on Ukraine, but on other threats to peace and security around the world. <br/> I urge the Council to do everything in its power to end the war and to mitigate its impact, both on the suffering people of Ukraine, and on vulnerable people and developing countries around the world.
* It’s demonstrably obvious now that there was a combination of people not telling [[Vladimir Putin|him [Putin]]] what he needed to [[hearing|hear]] and him not [[listening]] when they did tell him stuff that he didn’t want to hear.
** {{w|James Cleverly}}, Britain’s minister of state for Europe and North America, quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2022/04/11/putin-misjudged-ukraine-hubris-isolation/ "Hubris and isolation led Vladimir Putin to misjudge Ukraine" April 11, 2022]
====May 2022====
[[File:Сергей Лавров (18-11-2022) (cropped).jpg|thumb|So what if [Ukrainian president Volodymyr] [[Volodymyr Zelensky|Zelensky]] is [[Judaism|Jewish]]? The fact does not negate the [[Nazi]] elements in Ukraine. I believe that [[Hitler]] also had Jewish blood. ~ [[w:Sergei Lavrov|Sergei Lavrov]]]]
[[File:Z symbol flash mob at Platinum Arena in Khabarovsk.jpg|thumb|The symbol Z, the rallies, the propaganda, the war as a cleansing act of violence and the death pits around Ukrainian towns make it all very plain. '''The war against Ukraine is not only a return to the traditional [[fascist]] battleground, but also a return to traditional fascist language and practice.''' Other people are there to be colonized. Russia is innocent because of its ancient past. The existence of Ukraine is an international conspiracy. War is the answer. ~ [[Timothy D. Snyder]]]]
* So what if [Ukrainian president Volodymyr] Zelensky is [[Judaism|Jewish]]? The fact does not negate the Nazi elements in Ukraine. I believe that [[Hitler]] also had Jewish blood. It means absolutely nothing. The wise Jewish people said that the most ardent [[Antisemitism|antisemites]] are usually Jews. Every family has its black sheep, as we say.
** [[w:Sergei Lavrov|Sergei Lavrov]] (May 1, 2022) [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/05/03/roots-zombie-claim-that-hitler-had-jewish-blood/ "The roots of the zombie claim that Hitler had ‘Jewish blood’" ''Washington Post'' (May 3, 2022)]
* The symbol Z, the rallies, the propaganda, the war as a cleansing act of violence and the death pits around Ukrainian towns make it all very plain. '''The war against Ukraine is not only a return to the traditional [[fascist]] battleground, but also a return to traditional fascist language and practice.''' Other people are there to be colonized. Russia is innocent because of its ancient past. The existence of Ukraine is an international conspiracy. War is the answer.
** [[Timothy D. Snyder]], [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/19/opinion/russia-fascism-ukraine-putin.html We Should Say It. Russia Is Fascist.], ''[[The New York Times]]'', May 19, 2022.
* At unpredictable intervals, the global system is tipped into a major transition by a disturbance that can be quite small, if not quite as small as [[Edward Norton Lorenz|Edward Lorenz]]’s famous [[Butterflies|butterfly]] in the [[w:Amazon_rainforest|Amazon]] setting off a [[tornado]] in [[Texas]]. Russia’s war in Ukraine — destructive certainly, but still a relatively small conflict by [[20th century|20th-century]] standards — can be enough to trigger a “conflict avalanche.”
** [[Niall Ferguson]], "America, China, Russia and the Avalanche of History", ''Bloomberg'', May 20, 2022.
====June 2022====
* Is the proxy war in Ukraine turning out to be only a lead-up to something larger, involving world famine and a foreign-exchange crisis for food- and oil-deficit countries? Many more people are likely to die of famine and economic disruption than on the Ukrainian battlefield.
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://michael-hudson.com/2022/06/is-us-nato-with-wef-help-pushing-for-a-global-south-famine/ Is US/NATO (with WEF help) pushing for a Global South famine?] (6 June 2022)
* NATO is a defensive alliance and the war is President Putin's war. This is a war that he has decided to conduct against an independent sovereign nation.
** NATO chief [[Jens Stoltenberg]] in [https://edition.cnn.com/europe/live-news/russia-ukraine-war-news-06-16-22/index.html "NATO's military assistance to Ukraine not a provocation, but support for independent state, Stoltenberg says"], ''CNN'', June 16, 2022
*The war in Ukraine is the culmination of a 30-year project of the American [[Neoconservatism|neoconservative]] movement.
**[[Jeffrey D. Sachs]], [https://www.jeffsachs.org/newspaper-articles/m6rb2a5tskpcxzesjk8hhzf96zh7w7 Ukraine Is the Latest Neocon Disaster], June 27, 2022 [https://www.commondreams.org/views/2022/06/28/ukraine-latest-neocon-disaster]
====July 2022====
* With each day, the war crimes mount. [[Rape]]. [[Torture]]. Extrajudicial executions. [[Disappearance|Disappearances]]. Forced deportations. Attacks on schools, hospitals, playgrounds, apartment buildings, grain silos, water and gas facilities...<nowiki>[the atrocities are]</nowiki> not the acts of rogue units. They fit a clear pattern, across every part of Ukraine touched by Russian forces. And they fit a clear pattern with Russia’s previous actions in conflicts in [[w:Chechnya|Chechnya]], [[Georgia (country)|Georgia]], [[Syria]], and Ukraine starting in 2014."
** US Secretary of State [[Antony Blinken]], [https://www.cnbc.com/2022/07/14/live-updates-latest-news-from-russia-and-the-war-in-ukraine.html "‘With each day, war crimes mount,’ Blinken says"], ''CNBC'' July 14, 2022
* As in a Greek tragedy whose protagonist brings about precisely the fate that he has sought to avoid, the US/NATO confrontation with Russia in Ukraine is achieving just the opposite of America’s aim of preventing China, Russia and their allies from acting independently of U.S. control over their trade and investment policy.... Russia is no more in a position to invade Western Europe than NATO countries are to send conscripts to fight Russia...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://michael-hudson.com/2022/07/american-diplomacy-as-a-tragic-drama/ American Diplomacy as a Tragic Drama], (28 July 2022)
====September 2022====
[[File:Timothy Snyder 2019.jpg|thumb|Russia, an aging [[tyranny]], seeks to destroy Ukraine, a defiant [[democracy]]. ~ [[Timothy D. Snyder]]]]
* Russia, an aging [[tyranny]], seeks to destroy Ukraine, a defiant [[democracy]]. A Ukrainian victory would confirm the principle of self-rule, allow the [[European integration|integration of Europe]] to proceed, and empower people of goodwill to return reinvigorated to other global challenges. A Russian victory, by contrast, would extend [[genocide|genocidal]] policies in Ukraine, subordinate Europeans, and render any vision of a geopolitical European Union obsolete.
** [[Timothy D. Snyder]] in [https://www.foreignaffairs.com/ukraine/ukraine-war-democracy-nihilism-timothy-snyder "Ukraine Holds the Future: The War Between Democracy and Nihilism" in ''Foreign Affairs''] September 6, 2022
* [[Kazakhstan]] is to discuss an influx of Russians to the country following President Putin’s [[w:2022 Russian mobilization|partial military mobilization]] last week <nowiki>[announced September 21, 2022]</nowiki>. President of Kazakhstan [[Kassym-Jomart Tokayev|Kassym-Zhomart Tokayev]] told Russian news agency Interfax ... "In recent days, many people from Russia have been coming to us. Most of them are forced to leave due to the current hopeless situation. We must take care of them and provide their security. This is a political and humanitarian issue. I instructed the government to take the necessary measures."
** President of Kazakhstan [[w:Kassym-Zhomart Tokayev|Kassym-Zhomart Tokayev]] quoted in [https://www.cnbc.com/2022/09/27/russia-ukraine-live-updates.html "Kazakhstan to hold talks with Moscow after influx of Russians fleeing the draft"] '''CNBC'' September 27, 2022
====October–November 2022====
[[File:HeleneC-NYT.jpg|thumb|The Russian invasion of Ukraine brought into sharp relief the limitations of being in [[Europe]] but not having the security guarantees of [[NATO]]’s collective defense pact. ~ [[Helene Cooper]]]]
* <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Nuclear war]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> would mean the end of [[civilization]]...Incidentally, the argument here that this <nowiki>[supporting Ukraine's resistance in the face of Russian threats to use tactical nuclear weapons]</nowiki> is necessary because it’s up to the Ukrainians — at this point, what is the first country that would be completely destroyed? Has anyone thought of asking ordinary Ukrainians if that is a price they think worth paying?
** The War in Ukraine Could Lead to Nuclear War, An Interview with Anatol Lieven, by Branko Marcetic, ''[[:w:Jacobin (magazine)|Jacobin]]'', Oct 3, 2022
* [[Sweden]] avoided [[World War II]], sparing itself the German occupation that [[Norway]] endured and the [[w:Winter_War|Soviet invasion]] suffered by the [[Finland|Finns]]. During the [[Cold War]], Sweden continued its neutral path...<nowiki>[and]</nowiki> declined to join [[NATO]]. And then Feb. 24, 2022, happened. The Russian invasion of Ukraine brought into sharp relief the limitations of being in Europe but not having the security guarantees of NATO’s collective defense pact. The Finns — dragging the Swedes with them — applied for membership in the alliance.
** [[Helene Cooper]] in [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/04/us/politics/sweden-ukraine-nato-marines.html "Back in the Fight"], ''The New York Times'', October 2, 2022
* I was in Kyiv myself in October, having travelled to Ukraine to support and train doctors providing palliative care to patients approaching the end of their lives. My trip was curtailed by Putin’s brazen desire to rain terror on civilians. As our night train pulled into Kyiv central station, the buildings reverberated with the impact of missiles timed to maximise rush-hour bloodshed. One victim was a young children's cancer doctor. Her car was incinerated as she drove home from her hospital night shift, making an orphan of her son, aged five. Another missile left a 30-foot crater in a children’s playground – as though roundabouts and sandpits have a shred of strategic value.
** [[Rachel Clarke]] [https://www.newstatesman.com/world/europe/ukraine/2022/11/kyiv-bunker-palliative-ukraine-war-zone-jeremy-hunt "A night in a Kyiv bunker, palliative care in a war zone, and another chance for Jeremy Hunt"], ''New Statesman'' (2 November 2022)
==2023==
===February–March 2023===
[[File:Moscow Frunzenskaya Embankment at Pushkinsky Bridge 08-2016.jpg|thumb|My advice to the Russian [[elite]]s — get your [[sons|lads]], send them to [[war]], and when you go to the [[funeral]], when you start burying them, people will say that now everything is [[fairness|fair]]. ~ [[Yevgeny Prigozhin]]]]
* Taking a step back, the [[Information technology|information environment]] had changed dramatically since 2014. One, there’s a ton of commercially available [[satellite]] imagery, open source, and anyone with access to those images could see for themselves what Russia was doing on Ukraine’s borders. Second, there had been just an explosion in citizen [[journalism]] in the use of [[social media]] to show in real time what people were actually seeing, and this is coming from both Russian and Ukrainian sources. It was out there on [[Twitter]], it was out there on [[TikTok]]. People could see for themselves, what these troops were doing — in some cases where they were. Then third, you have a general public that has a fundamentally different understanding of [[disinformation]] and [[misinformation]] — those terms are in people’s vocabularies in a way that they weren’t in 2014.
** Emily Horne, spokesperson, [[w:United States National Security Council|United States National Security Council]], as cited in Erin Banco, Garrett M. Graff, Lara Seligman, Nahal Toosi And Alexander Ward [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2023/02/24/russia-ukraine-war-oral-history-00083757 "'Something Was Badly Wrong': When Washington Realized Russia Was Actually Invading Ukraine"], ''Politico'' (24 February 2023)
* They have one goal: to disband the former Soviet Union and its fundamental part - the Russian Federation
** [[Putin]] according to [[w:Reuters|Reuters]] in [https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/putin-russia-must-take-into-account-nato-nuclear-capability-state-tv-2023-02-26/ Putin casts war as a battle for Russia's survival] (interview on 22 February 22, 2023 released on 26 February 2023)
* There will come a time when the Ukrainians, like the Kurds, will become expendable. They will disappear, as many others before them have, from our national discourse and our consciousness.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2023/03/12/chris-hedges-ukraines-death-by-proxy/ "Ukraine’s Death by Proxy"]. Scheerpost (12 March 2023).
===May–July 2023===
* We came in boorishly, trampling all over Ukraine's territory in search of Nazis. And while we searched for Nazis, we ****** up everyone we could. We came up to Kyiv and — I’ll put it in plain Russian — **** the bed and retreated. Then on to Kherson — we **** the bed and retreated. And somehow things aren't working out for us.
* The special military operation was done for the purpose of "denazification," while we've made Ukraine into a nation that's known throughout the world. They're like the Greeks or the Romans at their peaks. And as far as "demilitarization," if they had some 500 tanks at the start of the special military operation, now they have 5,000. If they had 20,000 capable fighters before, now they have 400,000. What kind of demilitarization is that? Now it looks more like we did the opposite, somehow or other, and militarized Ukraine.
** [[Yevgeny Prigozhin]] quoted in [https://meduza.io/en/feature/2023/05/24/we-need-to-take-a-page-from-north-korea-s-book "‘We need to take a page from North Korea’s book’ Evgeny Prigozhin speaks even more frankly than usual in new 77-minute interview"], interview with Meduza (24 May 2023).
* We are in a situation where we can simply lose Russia...We must introduce martial law. We unfortunately … must announce new waves of [[military service|mobilization]]; we must put everyone who is capable to work on increasing the production of ammunition...Russia needs to live like [[North Korea]] for a few years, so to say, close the borders … and work hard...My advice to the Russian [[elite]]s — get your [[sons|lads]], send them to [[war]], and when you go to the [[funeral]], when you start burying them, people will say that now everything is [[fairness|fair]].
** Said about the status in 2023 of Russia's invasion of Ukraine, quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2023/05/24/yevgeniy-prigozhin-war-backfired-revolution/ "Prigozhin says war in Ukraine has backfired, warns of Russian revolution"], ''The Washington Post'' (24 May 2023)
* This divide can end as in [[Russian Revolution|1917]] with a [[revolution]] - first the soldiers will stand up, and after that - their loved ones will rise up. There are already tens of thousands of them - relatives of those killed - and there will probably be hundreds of thousands.
** [[Yevgeny Prigozhin]] quoted in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2023/05/24/ukraine-russia-war-latest-news-belgorod-counter-offensive/ "Ukraine-Russia war latest: Russia risks revolution unless elite get serious about war, Wagner chief says Updated 13 minutes ago"], ''The Telegraph'' (24 May 2023).
* Get your asses out of the offices you've been put in to defend [[Russia|this country]]. You are the Defense Ministry...As a citizen, I am deeply indignant that these scum are sitting quietly and wearing out their seats with their [[luxury|fat asses smeared with expensive creams.]]
** [[Yevgeny Prigozhin]] after drone attacks on Moscow, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/how-are-they-reaching-moscow-russians-panic-as-drones-attack "How Are They Reaching Moscow?!’ Russians Panic as Drones Attack"], ''The Daily Beast'' (30 May 2023)
* We'd have to nuke them if Ukrainian offensive was a success.
** [[Dmitry Medvedev]] [https://edition.cnn.com/2023/07/31/europe/medvedev-russia-nuclear-weapons-intl-hnk/index.html "Medvedev says Russia could use nuclear weapon if Ukraine’s fightback succeeds in latest threat"], ''CNN'' (31 July 2023).
==2024==
*[Suggesting [[Ukraine]] surrender in the war against [[Russia]]] I think that the strongest one is the one who looks at the situation, thinks about the people and has the courage of the white flag, and negotiates.
**[[Pope Francis]], [https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/pope-says-ukraine-should-have-courage-white-flag-negotiations-2024-03-09/ Pope says Ukraine should have 'courage of the white flag' of negotiations] (March 9, 2024)
* We're waging a proxy war , but we're not giving our proxies the ability to do the job. For years now, we've been allowing them to fight with one hand tied behind their backs and it has been cruel.
** [[Boris Johnson]], [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/11/28/uk-troops-should-help-defend-ukraine-border-in-ceasefire/ Our troops should help defend Ukraine’s border in possible ceasefire, says Boris Johnson] ([https://archive.is/cPxLo Archived]), ''Telegraph'' (28 November 2024)
==2025==
* Our efforts to secure a peace settlement between Russia and Ukraine are now, hopefully, underway. It’s so important to get that done. That is an absolute killing field. Millions of soldiers are being killed. Nobody has seen anything like it since World War II. They’re laying dead all over the flat fields. It’s a flat field — [[Farm|farmland]], and there’s millions of Russians and millions of Ukrainians. Nobody’s seen anything like it since World War II. It’s time to end it.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/remarks/2025/01/remarks-by-president-trump-at-the-world-economic-forum/ Remarks by President Trump at the World Economic Forum], 23 January 2025
* When this war started, I would not have thought that it would last three years. I believe it could have ended earlier if Ukraine had been helped more courageously and less hesitantly.
** [[w:Friedrich Merz|Friedrich Merz]], [https://www.politico.eu/article/german-elections-pro-friedrich-merz-leadership-vote-afd-industry-strength/ How to watch the German election like a pro], 12 February 2025
* [The Russo-Ukrainian war] It's a proxy war between nuclear powers – the United States, helping Ukraine, and Russia – and it needs to come to an end.
**[[Marco Rubio]], [https://www.reuters.com/world/kremlin-says-rubios-view-ukraine-conflict-us-russia-proxy-war-matches-that-putin-2025-03-06/ Kremlin says Rubio's view of Ukraine conflict as a US-Russia proxy war matches that of Putin], ''Reuters'', 6 March 2025
* Vladimir Putin has achieved what many old men dream of but few accomplish – to bend the modern world into looking exactly like it did when they were young. Yesterday on Moscow’s Red Square the illusion that Russia has gone back to the future was nearly complete. Serried rows of tanks and soldiers, so immaculate that from a distance they look computer generated, paraded in perfect order.<br>Five-storey-high scarlet banners featuring Soviet emblems and chiselled military heroes were draped over the GUM department store and the State Historical Museum. And on the leaders’ podium a line-up of slab-faced old apparatchiks worthy of the 1980s lined up alongside the diminutive Putin, the star of his own show.
** Owen Matthews, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/russia-is-no-longer-a-world-power/"Russia Is No Longer a World Power"], ''The Telegraph'', 10 May 2025
* The memory of the Soviet struggle against Hitler has been appropriated to justify Putin’s war on Ukraine. Kremlin propagandists claim that Volodomyr Zelensky and his government are modern-day fascists – despite Zelensky’s Jewish heritage – and that Putin launched the invasion to save the suffering and downtrodden Russians of Ukraine from genocidal attack from the Kyiv government.<br>Thus has Putin’s colonial-style land grab been transformed, in the minds of many Russians, into a war of national defence and solidarity with the oppressed. At the same time Russian schoolchildren and students have been corralled into paramilitary youth groups, complete with uniforms, parades and rallies, that take the preservation of the legacy of World War Two as their ideological base.
** Owen Matthews, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/russia-is-no-longer-a-world-power/"Russia Is No Longer a World Power"], ''The Telegraph'', 10 May 2025
* Conflating modern Ukraine with Nazi Germany is absurd, of course. Especially so for the families of the seven million Ukrainians who fought in the Red Army – including Zelensky’s own grandfather, who as a young infantry officer participated in the Battle of Berlin. Can it be possible that Russians actually believe it?<br>Yes and no. Modern Russians have retained one psychological peculiarity from their Soviet forebears, and that’s the habit of apparently believing two completely paradoxical things at the same time. Which, of course, was George Orwell’s definition of the totalitarian mindset he called Doublethink.<br>Young Russians can simultaneously enjoy Hollywood films and American computer games, lament the departure of Ikea and McDonalds, and dream of studying in Europe while at the same time claiming to believe that their country is under Nazi attack. But it’s really all cosplay.
** Owen Matthews, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/russia-is-no-longer-a-world-power/"Russia Is No Longer a World Power"], ''The Telegraph'', 10 May 2025
* As he stands beside Xi, Putin is merely posing as a superpower leader. True, he has a nuclear arsenal. But Russia’s only remaining international allies are rogue nations like North Korea and Iran. China, whom Putin claims as a strategic partner, has refused to send weapons and offers only the most guarded of diplomatic support to the war. Russia’s economy is smaller than Spain’s, and is in increasing trouble as world energy prices sink. And the army fighting Putin’s war – which in Russia is officially not a war but a “special military operation” – is composed of expendables recruited from the country’s prisons and poorest regions.<br>Putin and the elderly KGB men who form his inner circle may believe that they have restored Russia to the prestige of the USSR at the height of its power. But all they are really demonstrating is how far Russia has fallen from those glory days, no longer a world power but rather a vassal to the true superpower of China.
** Owen Matthews, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/russia-is-no-longer-a-world-power/"Russia Is No Longer a World Power"], ''The Telegraph'', 10 May 2025
* Everyone except the US military believes the Russian air force has suffered very heavy losses in Ukraine. The number of troops, tanks, armored vehicles, artillery, etc., has been staggering. And they have lost at least 100 fixed wing combat aircraft. The Ukrainians believe that number is even higher. And it isn’t all old airframes that are being shot up over Ukrainian skies. It is their top of the line stuff, Su-35s, MiG-35s, and Su-27s. Surprisingly, Moscow’s Su-57 fifth-generation fighter series has not played a particularly large role in the Ukrainian war to date. Despite its much ballyhooed capabilities by Russia, It has been a ghost during the war. Perhaps this platform isn’t quite what is cracked up to be. Would Russia exaggerate? Say it ain’t so.
** Steve Balestrieri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/the-russian-air-force-can-t-keep-smashed-in-the-skies-over-ukraine/"The Russian Air Force Can’t Keep ‘Smashed in the Skies’ over Ukraine"], ''National Security Journal'', 24 May 2025
* We’ve heard rumors of the Russians having designs on Moldova, and massing on the border to the Baltic Nations (Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia) and against Finland. Still, with its force aging, anything other than a lightning-quick operation would be out of the question. The arrival of F-16s from the US has boosted Ukraine’s defenses. Russian military bloggers were lamenting the shooting down of an SU-34 Fullback by an F-16 encounter in October. It is also a way to stir up sentiment against the US. Russian aircraft have a service life of between 2,200 and 2,500 hours. American-built aircraft have much longer service lives of 8,000 flight hours, extended to 12,000 (F-16 Block 70s also come with an expected 12,000 flight hours).<br>But the bottom line is that the Russian VKS can’t afford to suffer this kind of loss for much longer; it will not be able to replace the aircraft it has already lost. Getting smashed in the skies above Ukraine will eventually create some serious problems for Putin.
** Steve Balestrieri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/the-russian-air-force-can-t-keep-smashed-in-the-skies-over-ukraine/"The Russian Air Force Can’t Keep ‘Smashed in the Skies’ over Ukraine"], ''National Security Journal'', 24 May 2025
* He <nowiki>[</nowiki>[[Vladimir Putin]]<nowiki>]</nowiki> considers this a proxy war by NATO as well right now, and frankly, in a way, it is.
** [[Keith Kellogg]], [https://www.foxnews.com/video/6373726376112 Gen. Kellogg reveals what concerns him about Russia], Fox News, 31 May 2025
* Vladimir Putin's "colossal error" in Ukraine is setting the stage for a potential collapse of the Russian Federation, mirroring the Soviet Union's decline after its disastrous war in Afghanistan. According to the author and analysts like retired Lt. Gen. Ben Hodges, Putin's refusal to compromise is driven by "petulance," not strategy. This obstinacy is leading to a catastrophic loss of global influence, the alienation of key allies, and a looming economic meltdown fueled by a massive fiscal deficit and plummeting oil prices. With Russian public support for the war dwindling, Putin's obsession with Ukraine may prove to be his— and Russia's— undoing.
** Reuben Johnson, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/the-collapse-of-russia-has-just-begun/"The Collapse of Russia Has Just Begun"], ''National Security Journal'', 22 July 2025
* “Putin’s refusal to compromise on Ukraine, analysts say, is a colossal error costing Russia regional influence, lucrative energy markets and its place in the world,” reads the opening line to a recent article in the US newspaper, the ''Washington Post''. The subtext of the message being delivered by different analysts is that the refusal of the Russian President, former KGB Lt. Col. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, to change strategy or brook any compromise on the future course of his war in Ukraine is causing irreparable damage to his country.
** Reuben Johnson, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/the-collapse-of-russia-has-just-begun/"The Collapse of Russia Has Just Begun"], ''National Security Journal'', 22 July 2025
* Russian officials today explain Putin’s determination to prosecute the war as a necessary, strategic imperative and that this is the only way to “save Russia from NATO aggression” and “Ukrainian Nazis.” However, most Western analysts view his continued petulance in continuing the war without regard for its effects on the nation and his refusal to compromise on any of his maximalist demands for a peace agreement as fatal, strategic errors. The ultimate price will be a near-complete loss of Russia’s global influence, its few allies deciding to decouple from Moscow, and a loss of the energy export markets keeping the economy alive is the likely outcome. Putin, writes the UK ''Independent'' correspondent Owen Matthews today, “is living on borrowed time.”
** Reuben Johnson, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/the-collapse-of-russia-has-just-begun/"The Collapse of Russia Has Just Begun"], ''National Security Journal'', 22 July 2025
* One might expect Putin to have the foresight to understand the perils of continuing to pursue a course of action that has led his country to the brink of instability. But there is very little evidence to suggest that he is willing to do so, which could very well be his – as well as Russia’s - undoing.
** Reuben Johnson, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/other/the-collapse-of-russia-has-just-begun/"The Collapse of Russia Has Just Begun"], ''National Security Journal'', 22 July 2025
*[[Emmanuel Macron|Macron]] gave me the Legion of Honour and privately told me what he does not say in public: the war [in Ukraine 2022] is [[NATO]]'s fault.
** [[Jeffrey Sachs]], [https://www.ilfattoquotidiano.it/in-edicola/articoli/2025/09/13/sachs-macron-mi-disse-che-la-guerra-in-ucraina-e-tutta-colpa-della-nato/8125413/ Sachs: “Macron mi disse che la guerra in Ucraina è tutta colpa della Nato”], ''Fatto Quotidiano'', 12 September 2025.
==2026==
* Russia’s [[war]] in [[Ukraine]] has produced countless tragedies. Among them is this quieter, slower violence: the [[persecution]] of clergy whose only [[weapon]] is [the moral compass of] [[conscience]]. These [[priests]] refuse to bless the war. And for that, the state has declared war on them.
** [[Massimo Introvigne]], [https://bitterwinter.org/the-priests-who-refuse-to-bless-the-war-how-russia-is-punishing-clergy-of-conscience/ "The Priests Who Refuse to Bless the War: How Russia Is Punishing Clergy of Conscience"], ''Bitter Winter'' (January 7, 2026)
==See also==
* [[War]]
* [[Russia]]
* [[Ukraine]]
* [[War]]
* [[NATO]]
* [[2022 Nord Stream pipeline sabotage]]
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wikinews}}
{{Commons|Category:2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine}}
* [[W:Revolution of Dignity|Revolution of Dignity (Euro-Maidan Revolution)]]
* [[w:International sanctions during the Ukrainian crisis|International sanctions during the Ukrainian crisis]]
* [[W:Nord Stream |Nord Stream natural gas pipeline]]
* [[W:Russia–NATO relations|Russia–NATO relations]]
* [[w:Russia–Ukraine relations|Russia–Ukraine relations]]
* [[W:Ukraine–NATO relations|Ukraine–NATO relations]]
[[Category:Foreign relations of Russia]]
[[Category:Foreign relations of the United States]]
[[Category:History of Ukraine]]
[[Category:21st-century military history of Russia]]
[[Category:2020s in Europe]]
[[Category:Invasions]]
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[[File:Flag of the German Democratic Republic.svg|thumb|East Germany ranked higher among the world’s economies than [[Economy of South Korea|South Korea]] does today, and was able to make some claim to superiority over the Federal Republic on [[Socialism|socialist]] grounds. The [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] came down anyway. —[[Brian Reynolds Myers]]]]
'''[[w:East Germany|East Germany]]''', officially the '''German Democratic Republic''' ('''GDR''') was a statelet that existed from 1949 to 1990 in middle [[Germany]] as part of the [[w:Eastern_Bloc|Eastern Bloc]] during the [[Cold War]].
{{History-stub}}
==Quotes==
* East Germany, apparently the most successful [[Communism|Communist]] regime, although with its economy wrecked by ideological mismanagement, was on the edge of [[bankruptcy]] in the autumn of 1989. It had only been able to continue that long thanks to large loans from the West, notably [[West Germany]]. As a sign of good relations, [[Erich Honecker]] paid an official visit to West Germany in 1987. However, the East German government could no longer finance its social programmes. [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]]’s [[Perestroika|''glasnost'' and ''perestroika'']], to which Honecker reacted critically, intensified the regime’s loss of legitimacy and, by September, East German society was dissolving as people, especially the younger generation, left in large numbers. [[Hungary]]’s opening of its Austrian border on 2 May had permitted substantial numbers of East Germans to leave for West Germany via Hungary and [[Austria]]. They abandoned not only economic failure but also the lack of modern civilisation in the shape of [[Freedom of expression|free expression]], tolerance, opportunity and cultural vitality. Hungary refused to heed pressure from East Germany to stem the tide of departures, and Gorbachev was unwilling to help. In the first nine months of the year, 110,000 East Germans resettled in West Germany. Others took part in mass demonstrations in East Germany, notably in the major city of Leipzig from 4 September, with steadily larger numbers demonstrating. A sense of failure and emptiness demoralised supporters of the regime, while West German [[Consumerism|consumerist]] [[democracy]], and what had been pejoratively termed the fetishism of ‘things’, proved far more attractive to the bulk of the population. The repressive state, moreover, no longer terrified. Indeed, it had suffered a massive failure of [[Espionage|intelligence]], with a serious inability to understand developments, let alone to anticipate them. All its intercepted letters and spying availed the Stasi naught. In addition, the situation was very different to that when East Germany had faced disturbances in 1953 and 1961: unwilling to compromise its domestic and international reputation, the regime did not wish to rely on force. The old ruthlessness was no longer there: the [[Leninist]] instinct for survival had been lost. The East German army anyway was unwilling to act. Moreover, the nature of the demonstrations – both peaceful and without central leadership – lessened the opportunity for repression; not that that had stopped the [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese authorities]] earlier in the year.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* A persuasive way of understanding the collapse of [[Communism]] in [[Europe]] and the [[Soviet Union]] is to think of [[19th century|nineteenth]]- or [[20th century|twentieth-century]] slum clearance. For in many respects the Soviet Empire was a slum of continental proportions. Beyond the grotesque [[Architecture|architectural]] assertions of an alien [[ideology]], [[w:Public_housing|public housing]] – almost all [[House|housing]] – '''consisted of anomic and primitive concrete barracks where the smells of cabbage, damp and low-grade [[tobacco]] combined. [[Rivers]] and [[Lake|lakes]] were [[Pollution|polluted]] by [[Chemical|chemicals]], with the Pleisse river in East Germany alternately turning first red then yellow.'''
** [[Michael Burleigh]] ''Sacred Causes: The Clash of Religion and Politics, From the Great War to the War on Terror'', New York: NY, HarperCollins Publishers (2007) p. 415
* An attempt is being made by the [[Russians]] in [[Berlin]] to build up a quasi-Communist party in their zone of Occupied Germany by showing special favors to groups of [[Left-wing politics|left-wing]] German leaders. At the end of the fighting last June, the [[United States Army|American]] and [[British Army|British Armies]] withdrew westwards, in accordance with an earlier agreement, to a depth at some points of 150 miles upon a front of nearly four hundred miles, in order to allow our Russian allies to occupy this vast expanse of territory which the Western Democracies had conquered. If now the Soviet Government tries, by separate action, to build up a pro-[[Communism|Communist]] Germany in their areas, this will cause new serious difficulties in the [[United Kingdom|British]] and [[United States|American]] zones, and will give the defeated Germans the power of putting themselves up to auction between the Soviets and the Western Democracies. Whatever conclusions may be drawn from these facts - and facts they are - this is certainly not the Liberated Europe we fought to build up. Nor is it one which contains the essentials of permanent peace.
** [[Winston Churchill]], speaking in 1946 at Westminster College, Fulton, Missouri, United States
** [[wikisource:Sinews of Peace|Sinews of Peace]]. (2009, July 29). In Wikisource, The Free Library.
* The creation of two German states, an event unforeseen at [[w:Tehran_Conference|Tehran]], [[w:Yalta_Conference|Yalta]], or even at [[w:Potsdam_Conference|Potsdam]], was a signal Cold War phenomenon. Foreshadowed by the dual occupation of [[Korea]], Germany’s partition in 1949 combined both real and symbolic elements as a means of stabilizing [[Central Europe]] as well as a punishment for the [[Nazism|Nazis]]’ crimes. Four-power occupation had worked in [[Austria]]—thanks to the smaller strategic stakes, a [[Democratic socialism|moderate socialist]] government, and the Allies’ Tehran decision to treat this country gently as “[[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]’s first victim”—and the country remained intact. In the more populous, resource-rich Germany, which lacked a central government, the occupiers were able to dominate the revival of local politics. East Germany became the first “[[Working class|workers]]’ and [[Peasant|peasants]]’ state on German soil,” and [[w:West_Germany|West Germany]] a [[Liberal democracy|liberal, robustly capitalist state]]. Both regimes represented not only a renunciation of the Nazi past but also the revitalization of two opposing [[Political philosophy|political traditions]]—[[Marxism]] and [[liberalism]]—each claiming redemptive power over Germany and [[Europe]]’s future and each mirroring the Cold War itself.
** Carole C. Fink, ''The Cold War: An International History'' (2017), p. 74
* It seems to me that certain definite patterns are emerging from the situation in East Germany and the [[Eastern Europe|Eastern European]] satellite countries--patterns which will unquestionably have a profound effect upon the future, including the proposed meeting of the Foreign Ministers of the Four Powers. I think, therefore, that it will be useful for me to share my thoughts with you in some detail at this time. Great historical developments, such as the recent [[Berlin]] and East German [[Anti-communism|anti-Communist]] demonstrations, rarely have single roots. Nevertheless, I am quite certain that future [[Historian|historians]], in their analysis of the causes which will have brought about the [[Dissolution of the Soviet Union|disintegration of the Communist Empire]], will single out those brave East Germans who dared to rise against the cannons of tyranny with nothing but their bare hands and their stout hearts, as a root cause. I think also that those same historians will record your own extraordinary steadfastness in the cause of [[Europe|European]] [[peace]] and [[freedom]] over many, many years.
** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/231812 Letter to Chancellor Adenauer of Germany Concerning the Uprisings in East Berlin and East Germany Online], The American Presidency Project; 25 July 1953
* I find it difficult to say whether the leadership's 'second echelon' could have preserved the German Democratic Republic. [[Helmut Kohl]] later told me he had never believed that [[wikipedia:Egon_Krenz|Egon Krenz]] was capable of getting the situation under control. I do not know - we are all wiser after the event, as the saying goes. For my part, I must admit I briefly had a faint hope that the new leaders would be able to change the course of events by establishing a new type of relations between the ''two'' German states - based on radical domestic reforms in East Germany.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], ''Memoirs'' (1995)
* During the [[Cold War]], while [[West Germany|West Germans]] were confronting their [[Nazism|Nazi]] past, East Germans were avoiding it. The [[Communism|Communist]] state of East Germany managed to detach itself from all connection to or responsibility for the Nazi period. [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] and the Nazis were said to represent the final stage of [[capitalism]]. It was they who had started the war and they who had [[The Holocaust|killed millions of Jews]] and other [[Europe|Europeans]]. East Germany was [[Socialism|socialist]] and [[Progressivism|progressive]] and had always stood side by side with the Soviet Union against [[fascism]]. Indeed, a significant number of East Germans grew up thinking their country had fought on the Soviet side in [[World War II]]. Although the East German regime made memorials of three of the [[Concentration camp|concentration camps]], the only deaths remembered were those of Communists; [[Judaism|Jews]] and [[w:Gypsies|Gypsies]] were not mentioned.
** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008), pp. 146-147
* The example of East Germany exerts a far greater cautionary effect on the North Koreans than [[Muammar Gaddafi|Qaddafi]]’s fate does. The [[w:Erich_Honecker|Honecker]] regime took what [[United States|Americans]] and [[South Korea|South Koreans]] keep recommending to [[North Korea]] as the “pragmatic” way out of its problems: It began opening up to the West, quasi-formally recognized the rival coethnic state’s right to exist, and focused on improving its own citizens’ standard of living. We all know how that ended.
**[[Brian Reynolds Myers]], as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20181107004029/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/01/the-problem-with-south-korea-yes-south-korea.html "Sympathy for North Korea: Why South Koreans might just be willing to align with Kim Jong-un."] (3 January 2018), by Isaac Chotiner, ''Slate''
* East Germany ranked higher among the world’s economies than [[Economy of South Korea|South Korea]] does today, and was able to make some claim to superiority over the Federal Republic on [[Socialism|socialist]] grounds. The [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] came down anyway.
**[[Brian Reynolds Myers]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20180322213346/https://sthelepress.com/index.php/2022/06/03/18284/ "And Then What? (Again)"] (3 June 2022), ''Sthele Press''
* The decay of the [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] experiment should come as no surprise to us. Wherever the comparisons have been made between free and closed societies -- [[West Germany]] and East Germany, [[Austria]] and [[w:Czechoslovakia|Czechoslovakia]], [[Malaysia]] and [[Vietnam]] -- it is the [[Democracy|democratic]] countries what are prosperous and responsive to the needs of their people. And one of the simple but overwhelming facts of our time is this: Of all the millions of [[Refugee|refugees]] we've seen in the modern world, their flight is always away from, not toward the [[Communism|Communist]] world. Today on the [[NATO]] line, our military forces face east to prevent a possible invasion. On the other side of the line, the Soviet forces also face east to prevent their people from leaving.
** [[Ronald Reagan]], [https://www.reaganlibrary.gov/archives/speech/address-members-british-parliament Address to the Parliament of the United Kingdom], 8 June 1982
* The authorities in the German Democratic Republic kept an even more rigid control over their people than was achieved by [[Enver Hoxha|Hoxha]] in [[Albania]], whose mountainous terrain and village traditions made things difficult for the central state authorities. [[Walter Ulbricht]] aimed to turn his state into a model of contemporary [[communism]]. It was his constant pestering that pushed the [[w:Soviet_Presidium|Soviet Presidium]] into sanctioning the building of the [[Berlin Wall]]. Competition was joined with West Germany to raise the quality of material and social life, and Ulbricht constantly claimed that the German Democratic Republic was winning. In 1963 he introduced a [[w:New_Economic_System|New Economic System]] which provided [[enterprises]] and their [[Manager|managers]] with somewhat wider powers outside [[Planned economy|central planning]] control. Output rose but never as quickly as in West Germany. Although people were better off than previously, Ulbricht’s unpopularity deepened. His ideological rigidity made even [[Leonid Brezhnev|Brezhnev]] appear flexible. No one could forget that he bore responsibility for stopping people from meeting their relatives in the West. He was fired in May 1971, utterly convinced of the correctness of his policies to the very end. His successor Erich Honecker was only marginally less gloomy. Political presentation was made somewhat livelier but the basic policies remained the same. Far from being a workers’ paradise, the German Democratic Republic was [[East/Central Europe|eastern Europe]]’s most efficient [[police state]].
** [[w:Robert Service (historian)|Robert Service]], ''Comrades: A History of World Communism'' (2009)
* In their native countries, [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt]] and [[Winston Churchill|Churchill]] are regarded as examples of wise statesmen. But we, during our jail conversations, were astonished by their constant shortsightedness and even stupidity. How could they, retreating gradually from 1941 to 1945, leave Eastern Europe without any guarantees of independence? How could they abandon the large territories of [[Saxony]] and [[wikipedia:Thuringia|Thuringia]] in return for such a ridiculous toy as the four-zoned [[Berlin]] that, moreover, was later to become their Achille’s heel? And what kind of military or political purpose did they see in giving away hundreds of thousands of armed Soviet citizens (who were unwilling to surrender, whatever the terms) for Stalin to have them killed? It is said that by doing this, that they secured the imminent participation of [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] in the war against [[Japan during World War II|Japan]]. Already armed with the [[Atomic bomb]], they did pay for Stalin so that he wouldn’t refuse to occupy Manchuria to help [[Mao Zedong]] [[Chinese Civil War|to gain power in China]] and [[Kim Il-sung|Kim Il Sung]], to get [[North Korea|half of Korea]]!… Oh, misery of political calculation! When later [[wikipedia:Stanislav_Mikolajczyk|Mikolajczyk]] was expelled, when the end of [[wikipedia:Edvard_Beneš|Beneš]] and [[wikipedia:Jan_Masaryk|Masaryk]] came, [[wikipedia:Berlin_blockade|Berlin was blocked]], [[Budapest]] [[wikipedia:Hungarian_Revolution_of_1956|was in flames and turned silent]], when [[Korean War|ruins fumed in Korea]] and when the [[Conservative Party (UK)|conservatives]] fled from [[wikipedia:Suez_crisis|Suez]] – didn’t really some of those who had a better memory, recall for instance the episode of giving away the Cossacks?
** [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]], ''[[The Gulag Archipelago]]'' Part 1, Chapter 6
* To my mind, [[imperialism]] is something very simple and clear and it exists as a fact when one country, a large country, seizes a certain strip of territory and subjects to its laws a certain number of men and women against their will. [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] policy after the beginning of the [[Second World War|second world war]] was precisely this. There is no difficulty in pointing this out, but the difficulty lies in the fact that when one quotes from memory one will forget one or other argument. Because the [[Russians]], thanks to the second world war, have quite simply annexed the three Baltic States, taken a piece of [[Finland]], a piece of [[Rumania]], a piece of [[Poland]], a piece of [[Germany]] and, thanks to a well thought-out policy composed of internal subversion and external pressure, have established Governments justifiably styled as Satellites, in [[Warsaw]], [[Prague]], [[Budapest]], [[wikipedia:Sofia,_Bulgaria|Sofia]], [[Bucharest]], [[Tirana]] and East Berlin - I except [[Belgrade]] where [[Yugoslavia|the regime]] is unique thanks to the energy and courage of [[Josip Broz Tito|Marshal Tito]]. If all this does not constitute manifestations of imperialism, if all this is not the result of a policy consciously willed and consciously pursued, an imperialist aim, then indeed we shall have to start to go back to a new discussion and a new definition of words.
** [[Paul-Henri Spaak]], "[https://www.nato.int/cps/en/natohq/opinions_17588.htm?selectedLocale=en The Atlantic Alliance and its Future]," 14 September 1957
* If the [[w:Soviet_occupation_zone_in_Germany|Soviet zone]], after the initial chaos, for a while seemed to work better than the west, this was due not so much to [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] as to [[Red Army]] administrators and the German Communists who had come back with them. They were more than ready to take over the [[Planned economy|centralized planning]] systems that had existed in [[Nazi Germany]] and to rely on them in order to get basic infrastructure and [[production]] going wherever possible. After a while former Nazi officials at the lower levels—those the Soviets decided not to put on trial—also found it remarkably easy to collaborate; the Communist ideas of planning were not, after all, that different from those of their former masters. Publicly, however, the new east German authorities held high the banner of [[Anti-fascism|anti-Fascism]]. They were the “good Germans”; the bad Germans, plenty of them, were all collaborating in the western occupation zones, or so German Communist [[propaganda]] claimed. Many Left-wing Germans fell for the [[disinformation]], especially intellectuals and artists, some of whom moved east, including top names in [[w:German_literature|German literature]] like [[w:Stefan_Heym|Stefan Heym]] and [[Bertolt Brecht]], who both moved there from wartime exile in the [[United States]]. In the spring of 1946 the Soviets and the German Communists forced the [[Social democracy|Social Democrats]] in the east into a [[w:Socialist_Unity_Party_of_Germany|Socialist Unity Party (SED)]], in which the Communists under [[w:Wilhelm_Pieck|Wilhelm Pieck]] and [[Walter Ulbricht]] had full control. Again, some non- Communist Left-wingers joined enthusiastically, believing that they thereby made up for the failure of the German Left to cooperate against Hitler in the 1930s. Most Social Democrats were made of sterner stuff, however, and fought to keep their party separate, even if it meant relocating to the western occupation zones. Still, the SED scored enough successes for Stalin to be convinced that there would be a future for Soviet political influence in a united Germany.
** [[w:Odd Arne Westad|Odd Arne Westad]], ''The Cold War: A World History'' (2017)
* The [[France|French]] writer, [[Albert Camus]], once lamented that "man eventually becomes accustomed to everything". I have always believed that this is an unjustly pessimistic view of [[Human nature|our human condition]]; and in recent weeks I have seen enough to convince me that Camus, on this point at least, was wrong: 30,000 East Germans abandoning home, friends, jobs, everything, to escape to a new life of opportunity but also uncertainty in the West; thousands of [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] [[Mining|miners]] [[Strike action|striking]] not for more pay, but for better supplies; the joy of Poles as they greet [[Tadeusz Mazowiecki|their first non-Communist Prime Minister]] in 40 years; over a million inhabitants of the [[w:Baltic_states|Baltic states]] forming a human chain to protest against the forced annexation of their nations; demonstrators in [[Prague]] braving the security forces to mark the 21st anniversary of the Warsaw Pact invasion; or in Leipzig calling for [[freedom of speech]]. Clearly the peoples of the East have not become accustomed to their lot. [[Totalitarianism|Totalitarian]] rule has not made people less attracted by [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and self-determination. The opposite is true. Nor has it made them incapable of exercising these values through political organization and self-expression: look at the debates in the new Congress of the People's Deputies, the activities of the popular fronts, Solidarity in [[Poland]] or the opposition parties in [[Hungary]]. The demand for [[pluralism]] and reform can now be heard in every Eastern nation.
** [[w:Manfred Wörner|Manfred Wörner]], [https://www.nato.int/docu/speech/1989/s891009a_e.htm Address given at the 35th Annual Session of the North Atlantic Assembly], 9 October 1989
==See also==
* [[Cold War]]
* [[Communism]]
* [[Marxism–Leninism]]
* [[Berlin Wall]]
* [[German reunification]]
==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}
[[Category:Communist organizations]]
[[Category:20th century in Germany]]
[[Category:Socialism]]
[[Category:Former countries in Europe]]
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[[File:Flag of the German Democratic Republic.svg|thumb|East Germany ranked higher among the world’s economies than [[Economy of South Korea|South Korea]] does today, and was able to make some claim to superiority over the Federal Republic on [[Socialism|socialist]] grounds. The [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] came down anyway. —[[Brian Reynolds Myers]]]]
'''[[w:East Germany|East Germany]]''', officially the '''German Democratic Republic''' ('''GDR''') was a statelet that existed from 1949 to 1990 in middle [[Germany]] as part of the [[w:Eastern_Bloc|Eastern Bloc]] during the [[Cold War]].
==Quotes==
* East Germany, apparently the most successful [[Communism|Communist]] regime, although with its economy wrecked by ideological mismanagement, was on the edge of [[bankruptcy]] in the autumn of 1989. It had only been able to continue that long thanks to large loans from the West, notably [[West Germany]]. As a sign of good relations, [[Erich Honecker]] paid an official visit to West Germany in 1987. However, the East German government could no longer finance its social programmes. [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]]’s [[Perestroika|''glasnost'' and ''perestroika'']], to which Honecker reacted critically, intensified the regime’s loss of legitimacy and, by September, East German society was dissolving as people, especially the younger generation, left in large numbers. [[Hungary]]’s opening of its Austrian border on 2 May had permitted substantial numbers of East Germans to leave for West Germany via Hungary and [[Austria]]. They abandoned not only economic failure but also the lack of modern civilisation in the shape of [[Freedom of expression|free expression]], tolerance, opportunity and cultural vitality. Hungary refused to heed pressure from East Germany to stem the tide of departures, and Gorbachev was unwilling to help. In the first nine months of the year, 110,000 East Germans resettled in West Germany. Others took part in mass demonstrations in East Germany, notably in the major city of Leipzig from 4 September, with steadily larger numbers demonstrating. A sense of failure and emptiness demoralised supporters of the regime, while West German [[Consumerism|consumerist]] [[democracy]], and what had been pejoratively termed the fetishism of ‘things’, proved far more attractive to the bulk of the population. The repressive state, moreover, no longer terrified. Indeed, it had suffered a massive failure of [[Espionage|intelligence]], with a serious inability to understand developments, let alone to anticipate them. All its intercepted letters and spying availed the Stasi naught. In addition, the situation was very different to that when East Germany had faced disturbances in 1953 and 1961: unwilling to compromise its domestic and international reputation, the regime did not wish to rely on force. The old ruthlessness was no longer there: the [[Leninist]] instinct for survival had been lost. The East German army anyway was unwilling to act. Moreover, the nature of the demonstrations – both peaceful and without central leadership – lessened the opportunity for repression; not that that had stopped the [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese authorities]] earlier in the year.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* A persuasive way of understanding the collapse of [[Communism]] in [[Europe]] and the [[Soviet Union]] is to think of [[19th century|nineteenth]]- or [[20th century|twentieth-century]] slum clearance. For in many respects the Soviet Empire was a slum of continental proportions. Beyond the grotesque [[Architecture|architectural]] assertions of an alien [[ideology]], [[w:Public_housing|public housing]] – almost all [[House|housing]] – '''consisted of anomic and primitive concrete barracks where the smells of cabbage, damp and low-grade [[tobacco]] combined. [[Rivers]] and [[Lake|lakes]] were [[Pollution|polluted]] by [[Chemical|chemicals]], with the Pleisse river in East Germany alternately turning first red then yellow.'''
** [[Michael Burleigh]] ''Sacred Causes: The Clash of Religion and Politics, From the Great War to the War on Terror'', New York: NY, HarperCollins Publishers (2007) p. 415
* An attempt is being made by the [[Russians]] in [[Berlin]] to build up a quasi-Communist party in their zone of Occupied Germany by showing special favors to groups of [[Left-wing politics|left-wing]] German leaders. At the end of the fighting last June, the [[United States Army|American]] and [[British Army|British Armies]] withdrew westwards, in accordance with an earlier agreement, to a depth at some points of 150 miles upon a front of nearly four hundred miles, in order to allow our Russian allies to occupy this vast expanse of territory which the Western Democracies had conquered. If now the Soviet Government tries, by separate action, to build up a pro-[[Communism|Communist]] Germany in their areas, this will cause new serious difficulties in the [[United Kingdom|British]] and [[United States|American]] zones, and will give the defeated Germans the power of putting themselves up to auction between the Soviets and the Western Democracies. Whatever conclusions may be drawn from these facts - and facts they are - this is certainly not the Liberated Europe we fought to build up. Nor is it one which contains the essentials of permanent peace.
** [[Winston Churchill]], speaking in 1946 at Westminster College, Fulton, Missouri, United States
** [[wikisource:Sinews of Peace|Sinews of Peace]]. (2009, July 29). In Wikisource, The Free Library.
* The creation of two German states, an event unforeseen at [[w:Tehran_Conference|Tehran]], [[w:Yalta_Conference|Yalta]], or even at [[w:Potsdam_Conference|Potsdam]], was a signal Cold War phenomenon. Foreshadowed by the dual occupation of [[Korea]], Germany’s partition in 1949 combined both real and symbolic elements as a means of stabilizing [[Central Europe]] as well as a punishment for the [[Nazism|Nazis]]’ crimes. Four-power occupation had worked in [[Austria]]—thanks to the smaller strategic stakes, a [[Democratic socialism|moderate socialist]] government, and the Allies’ Tehran decision to treat this country gently as “[[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]]’s first victim”—and the country remained intact. In the more populous, resource-rich Germany, which lacked a central government, the occupiers were able to dominate the revival of local politics. East Germany became the first “[[Working class|workers]]’ and [[Peasant|peasants]]’ state on German soil,” and [[w:West_Germany|West Germany]] a [[Liberal democracy|liberal, robustly capitalist state]]. Both regimes represented not only a renunciation of the Nazi past but also the revitalization of two opposing [[Political philosophy|political traditions]]—[[Marxism]] and [[liberalism]]—each claiming redemptive power over Germany and [[Europe]]’s future and each mirroring the Cold War itself.
** Carole C. Fink, ''The Cold War: An International History'' (2017), p. 74
* It seems to me that certain definite patterns are emerging from the situation in East Germany and the [[Eastern Europe|Eastern European]] satellite countries--patterns which will unquestionably have a profound effect upon the future, including the proposed meeting of the Foreign Ministers of the Four Powers. I think, therefore, that it will be useful for me to share my thoughts with you in some detail at this time. Great historical developments, such as the recent [[Berlin]] and East German [[Anti-communism|anti-Communist]] demonstrations, rarely have single roots. Nevertheless, I am quite certain that future [[Historian|historians]], in their analysis of the causes which will have brought about the [[Dissolution of the Soviet Union|disintegration of the Communist Empire]], will single out those brave East Germans who dared to rise against the cannons of tyranny with nothing but their bare hands and their stout hearts, as a root cause. I think also that those same historians will record your own extraordinary steadfastness in the cause of [[Europe|European]] [[peace]] and [[freedom]] over many, many years.
** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/231812 Letter to Chancellor Adenauer of Germany Concerning the Uprisings in East Berlin and East Germany Online], The American Presidency Project; 25 July 1953
* I find it difficult to say whether the leadership's 'second echelon' could have preserved the German Democratic Republic. [[Helmut Kohl]] later told me he had never believed that [[wikipedia:Egon_Krenz|Egon Krenz]] was capable of getting the situation under control. I do not know - we are all wiser after the event, as the saying goes. For my part, I must admit I briefly had a faint hope that the new leaders would be able to change the course of events by establishing a new type of relations between the ''two'' German states - based on radical domestic reforms in East Germany.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], ''Memoirs'' (1995)
* During the [[Cold War]], while [[West Germany|West Germans]] were confronting their [[Nazism|Nazi]] past, East Germans were avoiding it. The [[Communism|Communist]] state of East Germany managed to detach itself from all connection to or responsibility for the Nazi period. [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] and the Nazis were said to represent the final stage of [[capitalism]]. It was they who had started the war and they who had [[The Holocaust|killed millions of Jews]] and other [[Europe|Europeans]]. East Germany was [[Socialism|socialist]] and [[Progressivism|progressive]] and had always stood side by side with the Soviet Union against [[fascism]]. Indeed, a significant number of East Germans grew up thinking their country had fought on the Soviet side in [[World War II]]. Although the East German regime made memorials of three of the [[Concentration camp|concentration camps]], the only deaths remembered were those of Communists; [[Judaism|Jews]] and [[w:Gypsies|Gypsies]] were not mentioned.
** [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''The Uses and Abuses of History'' (2008), pp. 146-147
* The example of East Germany exerts a far greater cautionary effect on the North Koreans than [[Muammar Gaddafi|Qaddafi]]’s fate does. The [[w:Erich_Honecker|Honecker]] regime took what [[United States|Americans]] and [[South Korea|South Koreans]] keep recommending to [[North Korea]] as the “pragmatic” way out of its problems: It began opening up to the West, quasi-formally recognized the rival coethnic state’s right to exist, and focused on improving its own citizens’ standard of living. We all know how that ended.
**[[Brian Reynolds Myers]], as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20181107004029/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/01/the-problem-with-south-korea-yes-south-korea.html "Sympathy for North Korea: Why South Koreans might just be willing to align with Kim Jong-un."] (3 January 2018), by Isaac Chotiner, ''Slate''
* East Germany ranked higher among the world’s economies than [[Economy of South Korea|South Korea]] does today, and was able to make some claim to superiority over the Federal Republic on [[Socialism|socialist]] grounds. The [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] came down anyway.
**[[Brian Reynolds Myers]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20180322213346/https://sthelepress.com/index.php/2022/06/03/18284/ "And Then What? (Again)"] (3 June 2022), ''Sthele Press''
* The decay of the [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] experiment should come as no surprise to us. Wherever the comparisons have been made between free and closed societies -- [[West Germany]] and East Germany, [[Austria]] and [[w:Czechoslovakia|Czechoslovakia]], [[Malaysia]] and [[Vietnam]] -- it is the [[Democracy|democratic]] countries what are prosperous and responsive to the needs of their people. And one of the simple but overwhelming facts of our time is this: Of all the millions of [[Refugee|refugees]] we've seen in the modern world, their flight is always away from, not toward the [[Communism|Communist]] world. Today on the [[NATO]] line, our military forces face east to prevent a possible invasion. On the other side of the line, the Soviet forces also face east to prevent their people from leaving.
** [[Ronald Reagan]], [https://www.reaganlibrary.gov/archives/speech/address-members-british-parliament Address to the Parliament of the United Kingdom], 8 June 1982
* The authorities in the German Democratic Republic kept an even more rigid control over their people than was achieved by [[Enver Hoxha|Hoxha]] in [[Albania]], whose mountainous terrain and village traditions made things difficult for the central state authorities. [[Walter Ulbricht]] aimed to turn his state into a model of contemporary [[communism]]. It was his constant pestering that pushed the [[w:Soviet_Presidium|Soviet Presidium]] into sanctioning the building of the [[Berlin Wall]]. Competition was joined with West Germany to raise the quality of material and social life, and Ulbricht constantly claimed that the German Democratic Republic was winning. In 1963 he introduced a [[w:New_Economic_System|New Economic System]] which provided [[enterprises]] and their [[Manager|managers]] with somewhat wider powers outside [[Planned economy|central planning]] control. Output rose but never as quickly as in West Germany. Although people were better off than previously, Ulbricht’s unpopularity deepened. His ideological rigidity made even [[Leonid Brezhnev|Brezhnev]] appear flexible. No one could forget that he bore responsibility for stopping people from meeting their relatives in the West. He was fired in May 1971, utterly convinced of the correctness of his policies to the very end. His successor Erich Honecker was only marginally less gloomy. Political presentation was made somewhat livelier but the basic policies remained the same. Far from being a workers’ paradise, the German Democratic Republic was [[East/Central Europe|eastern Europe]]’s most efficient [[police state]].
** [[w:Robert Service (historian)|Robert Service]], ''Comrades: A History of World Communism'' (2009)
* In their native countries, [[Franklin D. Roosevelt|Roosevelt]] and [[Winston Churchill|Churchill]] are regarded as examples of wise statesmen. But we, during our jail conversations, were astonished by their constant shortsightedness and even stupidity. How could they, retreating gradually from 1941 to 1945, leave Eastern Europe without any guarantees of independence? How could they abandon the large territories of [[Saxony]] and [[wikipedia:Thuringia|Thuringia]] in return for such a ridiculous toy as the four-zoned [[Berlin]] that, moreover, was later to become their Achille’s heel? And what kind of military or political purpose did they see in giving away hundreds of thousands of armed Soviet citizens (who were unwilling to surrender, whatever the terms) for Stalin to have them killed? It is said that by doing this, that they secured the imminent participation of [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] in the war against [[Japan during World War II|Japan]]. Already armed with the [[Atomic bomb]], they did pay for Stalin so that he wouldn’t refuse to occupy Manchuria to help [[Mao Zedong]] [[Chinese Civil War|to gain power in China]] and [[Kim Il-sung|Kim Il Sung]], to get [[North Korea|half of Korea]]!… Oh, misery of political calculation! When later [[wikipedia:Stanislav_Mikolajczyk|Mikolajczyk]] was expelled, when the end of [[wikipedia:Edvard_Beneš|Beneš]] and [[wikipedia:Jan_Masaryk|Masaryk]] came, [[wikipedia:Berlin_blockade|Berlin was blocked]], [[Budapest]] [[wikipedia:Hungarian_Revolution_of_1956|was in flames and turned silent]], when [[Korean War|ruins fumed in Korea]] and when the [[Conservative Party (UK)|conservatives]] fled from [[wikipedia:Suez_crisis|Suez]] – didn’t really some of those who had a better memory, recall for instance the episode of giving away the Cossacks?
** [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]], ''[[The Gulag Archipelago]]'' Part 1, Chapter 6
* To my mind, [[imperialism]] is something very simple and clear and it exists as a fact when one country, a large country, seizes a certain strip of territory and subjects to its laws a certain number of men and women against their will. [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] policy after the beginning of the [[Second World War|second world war]] was precisely this. There is no difficulty in pointing this out, but the difficulty lies in the fact that when one quotes from memory one will forget one or other argument. Because the [[Russians]], thanks to the second world war, have quite simply annexed the three Baltic States, taken a piece of [[Finland]], a piece of [[Rumania]], a piece of [[Poland]], a piece of [[Germany]] and, thanks to a well thought-out policy composed of internal subversion and external pressure, have established Governments justifiably styled as Satellites, in [[Warsaw]], [[Prague]], [[Budapest]], [[wikipedia:Sofia,_Bulgaria|Sofia]], [[Bucharest]], [[Tirana]] and East Berlin - I except [[Belgrade]] where [[Yugoslavia|the regime]] is unique thanks to the energy and courage of [[Josip Broz Tito|Marshal Tito]]. If all this does not constitute manifestations of imperialism, if all this is not the result of a policy consciously willed and consciously pursued, an imperialist aim, then indeed we shall have to start to go back to a new discussion and a new definition of words.
** [[Paul-Henri Spaak]], "[https://www.nato.int/cps/en/natohq/opinions_17588.htm?selectedLocale=en The Atlantic Alliance and its Future]," 14 September 1957
* If the [[w:Soviet_occupation_zone_in_Germany|Soviet zone]], after the initial chaos, for a while seemed to work better than the west, this was due not so much to [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]] as to [[Red Army]] administrators and the German Communists who had come back with them. They were more than ready to take over the [[Planned economy|centralized planning]] systems that had existed in [[Nazi Germany]] and to rely on them in order to get basic infrastructure and [[production]] going wherever possible. After a while former Nazi officials at the lower levels—those the Soviets decided not to put on trial—also found it remarkably easy to collaborate; the Communist ideas of planning were not, after all, that different from those of their former masters. Publicly, however, the new east German authorities held high the banner of [[Anti-fascism|anti-Fascism]]. They were the “good Germans”; the bad Germans, plenty of them, were all collaborating in the western occupation zones, or so German Communist [[propaganda]] claimed. Many Left-wing Germans fell for the [[disinformation]], especially intellectuals and artists, some of whom moved east, including top names in [[w:German_literature|German literature]] like [[w:Stefan_Heym|Stefan Heym]] and [[Bertolt Brecht]], who both moved there from wartime exile in the [[United States]]. In the spring of 1946 the Soviets and the German Communists forced the [[Social democracy|Social Democrats]] in the east into a [[w:Socialist_Unity_Party_of_Germany|Socialist Unity Party (SED)]], in which the Communists under [[w:Wilhelm_Pieck|Wilhelm Pieck]] and [[Walter Ulbricht]] had full control. Again, some non- Communist Left-wingers joined enthusiastically, believing that they thereby made up for the failure of the German Left to cooperate against Hitler in the 1930s. Most Social Democrats were made of sterner stuff, however, and fought to keep their party separate, even if it meant relocating to the western occupation zones. Still, the SED scored enough successes for Stalin to be convinced that there would be a future for Soviet political influence in a united Germany.
** [[w:Odd Arne Westad|Odd Arne Westad]], ''The Cold War: A World History'' (2017)
* The [[France|French]] writer, [[Albert Camus]], once lamented that "man eventually becomes accustomed to everything". I have always believed that this is an unjustly pessimistic view of [[Human nature|our human condition]]; and in recent weeks I have seen enough to convince me that Camus, on this point at least, was wrong: 30,000 East Germans abandoning home, friends, jobs, everything, to escape to a new life of opportunity but also uncertainty in the West; thousands of [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] [[Mining|miners]] [[Strike action|striking]] not for more pay, but for better supplies; the joy of Poles as they greet [[Tadeusz Mazowiecki|their first non-Communist Prime Minister]] in 40 years; over a million inhabitants of the [[w:Baltic_states|Baltic states]] forming a human chain to protest against the forced annexation of their nations; demonstrators in [[Prague]] braving the security forces to mark the 21st anniversary of the Warsaw Pact invasion; or in Leipzig calling for [[freedom of speech]]. Clearly the peoples of the East have not become accustomed to their lot. [[Totalitarianism|Totalitarian]] rule has not made people less attracted by [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and self-determination. The opposite is true. Nor has it made them incapable of exercising these values through political organization and self-expression: look at the debates in the new Congress of the People's Deputies, the activities of the popular fronts, Solidarity in [[Poland]] or the opposition parties in [[Hungary]]. The demand for [[pluralism]] and reform can now be heard in every Eastern nation.
** [[w:Manfred Wörner|Manfred Wörner]], [https://www.nato.int/docu/speech/1989/s891009a_e.htm Address given at the 35th Annual Session of the North Atlantic Assembly], 9 October 1989
==See also==
* [[Cold War]]
* [[Communism]]
* [[Marxism–Leninism]]
* [[Berlin Wall]]
* [[German reunification]]
==External links==
*{{Wikipedia-inline}}
[[Category:Communist organizations]]
[[Category:20th century in Germany]]
[[Category:Socialism]]
[[Category:Former countries in Europe]]
8sththvdmftg7uq6flrz1wnl9fpx52c
Elizabeth Bear
0
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3935180
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2026-04-30T23:44:09Z
Dronebogus
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/* Quotes */
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wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[File:Elizabeth Bear at Eurocon 2011.jpg|right|thumb|Bear in 2011]]
'''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|Sarah Bear Elizabeth Wishnevsky]]''' (born [[September 22]], 1971) is an American author who works primarily in [[w:speculative fiction|speculative fiction]] genres, writing under the name '''Elizabeth Bear.'''
== Quotes ==
=== Short fiction ===
:<small> See [https://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/ea.cgi?22910 Elizabeth Bear's Internet Science Fiction Database page] for original publication details </small>
====''Seven for a secret''====
* The secret to lying is to believe with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself even more than lying to another.
==== ''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|Bone and Jewel Creatures]]'' (2010) ====
:<small> Page numbers from the first edition hardcover, published by Subterranean Press, {{ISBN|978-1-59606-274-0}} </small>
:<small> Nominated for the [[w:World Fantasy Award—Novella|2011 World Fantasy Award for Best Novella]] </small>
* The old have nothing to pace themselves for, she’d say. This is the final sprint. Run. Run. See how far you can get before you fall.
** Chapter 2 (p. 36)
* Age had not yet defeated her on all fronts, though it was a war of attrition she knew she was fated to lose.
** Chapter 3 (p. 49)
* While it is true that notoriety offers certain benefits, it is not by any means confirmed that those benefits compensate for the disadvantages.
** Chapter 3 (p. 54)
* ''We claim the dignity of age,'' she thought, ''but the truth is, age leaves us without any dignity at all.''
** Chapter 4 (p. 81)
* And I admit, I don’t like dying very much myself. But I look forward to Death herself, once the dying is over.
** Chapter 5 (p. 99)
==== ''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|The Hand is Quicker—]]'' (2014) ====
* The world is full of the markers of abandoned empires, from Hadrian’s Wall to the Great Wall of China, from the remnants of the one in Arizona to the remnants of the one in Berlin.
** Reprinted in [[w:Rich Horton|Rich Horton]] (ed.), ''The Year’s Best Science Fiction & Fantasy 2015'' (p. 430)
==== ''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|Deriving Life]]'' (2019) ====
:<small> Reprinted in [[w:Neil Clarke (editor)|Neil Clarke]] (ed.), ''The Best Science Fiction of the Year Volume 5'' </small>
* Can you imagine a planet full of assholes who used to just…cut down trees?
** p. 124 (ellipsis in the original)
* I said, “It just seems weird that I’m in bed with somebody I’ve never met.”<br>As I said it I realized how foolish it was. Anytime you’re in bed with somebody, you’re in bed with everybody who came before you—everybody who hurt them, healed them, shaped them. All those ghosts are in the room.
** p. 132
* Depression is realism.
** p. 134
* We need what we need. Judging ourselves doesn’t change it. Sometimes a hug and a cookie right now mean more than a grand gesture at some indeterminate point in the future.
** p. 136
=== ''[[w:Carnival (Bear novel)|Carnival]]'' (2006) ===
:<small> All page numbers are from the mass market paperback first edition published by Bantam Spectra {{ISBN|0-553-58904-0}} </small>
:<small> Nominated for the [[w:Philip K. Dick Award|2006 Philip K. Dick Award]] </small>
:<small> Italics as in the book </small>
* “Kill or be killed,” Vincent said, next best thing to a mantra.
** Chapter 1 (p. 5)
* There were idiots on every planet who considered possession more important than morality.
** Chapter 3 (p. 56)
* Kusanagi-Jones was long past feeling guilt about ''lying.'' Conscience was one of the first things to go. If he’d ever had much of one to begin with, the job had burned it out.
** Chapter 6 (p. 95)
* ''Any government founded on a political or religious agenda more elaborate than “protect the weak, temper the strong” is doomed to tyranny.''
** Chapter 7 (p. 116)
* Strike two for Utopia. ''The problem with the damned things always comes when you try to introduce actual people into your philosophical constructs.''
** Chapter 7 (p. 123)
* “Hypocrite,” she said. But she laughed. “Doesn’t it get tiring being so damned morally superior all the time?”
** Chapter 8 (p. 133)
* He wouldn’t be much of a diplomat if he couldn’t lie with a straight face.
** Chapter 18 (p. 272)
* “You ever needed to disprove the existence of a Creator God,” he said, “the miracle of efficiency that the human body isn’t would be a fucking good place to start.”
** Chapter 19 (p. 291)
* “Cultural hegemony is based on conformity,” he said, after a pause long enough that she had expected to go unanswered. “Siege mentality. Look at oppressed philosophies, religions—or religions that cast themselves as oppressed to encourage that kind of defensiveness. Logic has no pull. What the lizard brain wants, the monkey brain justifies, and when things are scary, anything different is the enemy. Can come up with a hundred pseudological reasons why, but they all boil down to one thing: if you aren’t one of us, you’re one of them.”
** Chapter 22 (p. 341)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Bear, Elizabeth}}
[[Category:1971 births]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Hugo Award winners]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Novelists from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Hartford]]
[[Category:Science fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Short story writers from the United States]]
[[Category:Women authors from the United States]]
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Dronebogus
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/* The Hand is Quicker— (2014) */
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wikitext
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[[File:Elizabeth Bear at Eurocon 2011.jpg|right|thumb|Bear in 2011]]
'''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|Sarah Bear Elizabeth Wishnevsky]]''' (born [[September 22]], 1971) is an American author who works primarily in [[w:speculative fiction|speculative fiction]] genres, writing under the name '''Elizabeth Bear.'''
== Quotes ==
=== Short fiction ===
:<small> See [https://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/ea.cgi?22910 Elizabeth Bear's Internet Science Fiction Database page] for original publication details </small>
====''Seven for a secret''====
* The secret to lying is to believe with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself even more than lying to another.
==== ''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|Bone and Jewel Creatures]]'' (2010) ====
:<small> Page numbers from the first edition hardcover, published by Subterranean Press, {{ISBN|978-1-59606-274-0}} </small>
:<small> Nominated for the [[w:World Fantasy Award—Novella|2011 World Fantasy Award for Best Novella]] </small>
* The old have nothing to pace themselves for, she’d say. This is the final sprint. Run. Run. See how far you can get before you fall.
** Chapter 2 (p. 36)
* Age had not yet defeated her on all fronts, though it was a war of attrition she knew she was fated to lose.
** Chapter 3 (p. 49)
* While it is true that notoriety offers certain benefits, it is not by any means confirmed that those benefits compensate for the disadvantages.
** Chapter 3 (p. 54)
* ''We claim the dignity of age,'' she thought, ''but the truth is, age leaves us without any dignity at all.''
** Chapter 4 (p. 81)
* And I admit, I don’t like dying very much myself. But I look forward to Death herself, once the dying is over.
** Chapter 5 (p. 99)
==== ''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|The Hand is Quicker—]]'' (2014) ====
* The world is full of the markers of abandoned empires, from [[w:Hadrian's Wall|Hadrian’s Wall]] to the [[Great Wall of China]], from the remnants of the one in [[Arizona]] to the remnants of [[Berlin Wall|the one in Berlin]].
** Reprinted in [[w:Rich Horton|Rich Horton]] (ed.), ''The Year’s Best Science Fiction & Fantasy 2015'' (p. 430)
==== ''[[w:Elizabeth Bear|Deriving Life]]'' (2019) ====
:<small> Reprinted in [[w:Neil Clarke (editor)|Neil Clarke]] (ed.), ''The Best Science Fiction of the Year Volume 5'' </small>
* Can you imagine a planet full of assholes who used to just…cut down trees?
** p. 124 (ellipsis in the original)
* I said, “It just seems weird that I’m in bed with somebody I’ve never met.”<br>As I said it I realized how foolish it was. Anytime you’re in bed with somebody, you’re in bed with everybody who came before you—everybody who hurt them, healed them, shaped them. All those ghosts are in the room.
** p. 132
* Depression is realism.
** p. 134
* We need what we need. Judging ourselves doesn’t change it. Sometimes a hug and a cookie right now mean more than a grand gesture at some indeterminate point in the future.
** p. 136
=== ''[[w:Carnival (Bear novel)|Carnival]]'' (2006) ===
:<small> All page numbers are from the mass market paperback first edition published by Bantam Spectra {{ISBN|0-553-58904-0}} </small>
:<small> Nominated for the [[w:Philip K. Dick Award|2006 Philip K. Dick Award]] </small>
:<small> Italics as in the book </small>
* “Kill or be killed,” Vincent said, next best thing to a mantra.
** Chapter 1 (p. 5)
* There were idiots on every planet who considered possession more important than morality.
** Chapter 3 (p. 56)
* Kusanagi-Jones was long past feeling guilt about ''lying.'' Conscience was one of the first things to go. If he’d ever had much of one to begin with, the job had burned it out.
** Chapter 6 (p. 95)
* ''Any government founded on a political or religious agenda more elaborate than “protect the weak, temper the strong” is doomed to tyranny.''
** Chapter 7 (p. 116)
* Strike two for Utopia. ''The problem with the damned things always comes when you try to introduce actual people into your philosophical constructs.''
** Chapter 7 (p. 123)
* “Hypocrite,” she said. But she laughed. “Doesn’t it get tiring being so damned morally superior all the time?”
** Chapter 8 (p. 133)
* He wouldn’t be much of a diplomat if he couldn’t lie with a straight face.
** Chapter 18 (p. 272)
* “You ever needed to disprove the existence of a Creator God,” he said, “the miracle of efficiency that the human body isn’t would be a fucking good place to start.”
** Chapter 19 (p. 291)
* “Cultural hegemony is based on conformity,” he said, after a pause long enough that she had expected to go unanswered. “Siege mentality. Look at oppressed philosophies, religions—or religions that cast themselves as oppressed to encourage that kind of defensiveness. Logic has no pull. What the lizard brain wants, the monkey brain justifies, and when things are scary, anything different is the enemy. Can come up with a hundred pseudological reasons why, but they all boil down to one thing: if you aren’t one of us, you’re one of them.”
** Chapter 22 (p. 341)
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Bear, Elizabeth}}
[[Category:1971 births]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Hugo Award winners]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Novelists from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Hartford]]
[[Category:Science fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Short story writers from the United States]]
[[Category:Women authors from the United States]]
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The Goldbergs (season 3)
0
250942
3935278
3799561
2026-05-01T08:34:18Z
~2026-22475-30
3310494
/* Baio and Switch [3.12] */
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons''': [[The Goldbergs (season 1)|1]] [[The Goldbergs (season 2)|2]] [[The Goldbergs (season 3)|3]] [[The Goldbergs (season 4)|4]] [[The Goldbergs (season 5)|5]] [[The Goldbergs (season 6)|6]] [[The Goldbergs (season 7)|7]] [[The Goldbergs (season 8)|8]] [[The Goldbergs (season 9)|9]] [[The Goldbergs (Season 10)|10]] | [[The Goldbergs|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:The Goldbergs (2013 TV series)|The Goldbergs]]''''' (2013–2023) is an American long-running sitcom aired on ABC.
== Season 3 ==
===''A Kick-Ass Risky Business Party'' [3.1]===
===''A Chorus Lie'' [3.2]===
:''[Erica puts her folder in the locker when the saxophone plays]''
:'''Erica''': ''[chuckles]'' Hey, Johnny.
:'''Johnny''': Yo, looking forward to Saturday night.
:'''Erica''': Me too.
:'''Johnny''': So I'll pick up Carla first, be at your place around 7:00, cool?
:'''Erica''': Cool. ''[chuckles]'' Wait, what?
:'''Johnny''': Yeah, I'm also giving her a ride to the dance. And she can hang out with us. And dance with us.
:'''Erica''': Are you taking both of us to the dance?
:'''Johnny''': Classic Johnny Atkins, am I right? How could you not see this coming?
:'''Erica''': Because I have no idea who you are, other than an oddly confident band geek.
:'''Johnny''': Shows what you know. Band geek in the front, rock God in the back.
:'''Erica''': Are you seriously okay with this?
:'''Carla''': No, but I really feel like I can fix him.
:'''Johnny''': But she can't, so what do you say?
:'''Geoff''': What do you think she says? Hit the bricks, bro.
:'''Johnny''': Dude, I will punch you in the eyeball.
:'''Geoff''': Erica, help me. He's serious.
:'''Erica''': ''[sighs]'' You know what, Johnny? That's a firm "no" to your creepy offer.
:'''Johnny''': Your loss. Hey, Debbie Gordon, you got a date to homecoming yet? ''[He walks along with Carla and plays saxophone]''
:'''Geoff''': Oh, man, that was so sweet of me, huh? So if it's looking like you're free Saturday night, then...
:'''Erica''': I'm not going to the dance, Geoff. Not with anybody. ''[She walks off]''
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Adam''': No, not a new one. It's photo day at school.
:'''Barry''': You came to the right place.
:'''Adam''': No, get out! I don't want any of your terrible device.
:'''Barry''': Dude, I'm a pimple bro. You got to pop that thing immediately.
:'''Adam''': Everyone says not to pop it.
:'''Barry''': Look at this flawless skin. It's like baby Italian marble. Would you rather have a pizza face or a Barry face?
:'''Adam''': Fine. I'll just pop the thing.
:'''Barry''': Oh, I gotta get this on film. ''[filming Adam]'' Come on. Let's get a close-up of that zit. Hey, why are you covering it? Don't feel so embarrassed. Let me see that zit. Come on. For memories.
===''Jimmy 5 is Alive'' [3.3]===
===''I Caddyshacked the Pool'' [3.4]===
===''Boy Barry'' [3.5]===
:'''Barry''': ''[coming home]'' Out of the way, nerd.
:'''Adam''': Hey, I was just looking through the mail. Actually, there's something here for you.
:'''Barry''': "Master Barry Goldberg?" From C. Norris? Hollywood, California? Dude, Chuck Norris wrote me back! ''[opening the letter and reading the note]'' "Dear Barry, sorry it took me so long to write back, but thanks for the nice words and for being a fan. I have given a great deal of thought to what I'm about to tell you."
:'''Adam''': What's he saying?
:'''Barry''': Shut up! "Herein lies my most precious secret to being a true martial arts warrior. If you have a brother, obey him. He has a power you do not yet understand. Godspeed, douche-nozzle. Sincerely, Chuck Norris."
:'''Adam''': So, what's it say, douche-nozzle?
:'''Barry''': It says I should kick your ass.
===''Couples Costume'' [3.6]===
===''Lucky'' [3.7]===
===''In Conclusion, Thanksgiving'' [3.8]===
===''Wingmom'' [3.9]===
===''A Christmas Story'' [3.10]===
:'''Adult Adam''': As Pops was trying to put an end to my mom's new traditions, I was trying to get back at Barry for ruining ours.
:'''Adam''': Go on. Do it already.
:'''Barry''': Oh, I will do it. I've stuck my tongue to tons of different things.
:'''Adam''': You're stalling. Come on. I triple dog dare you.
:'''Adult Adam''': There it was, the coup de grâce of all dares, the sinister triple dog dare. Barry had no choice but to accept.
:'''Barry''': No fear. ''[Now he gets his tongue stuck on the ball pole and Adam laughs]'' It's stuck! It's stuck! It's stuck! It's stuck! It's stuck! It's stuck!
:'''Adam''': That's right. You ain't going nowhere, bro.
:'''Barry''': I'm going to kill you!
:'''Adam''': You've been ignoring me all week, but no more! Looks like you'll be hanging out with your little brother, like it or not.
:'''Barry''': Adam I'm sorry okay? I do want to spend time with you.
:'''Adam''': Really?
:'''Barry''': Of course, I was dumb. We're brothers. Now let's go inside and play a game of ball ball.
:'''Adam''': Original version?
:'''Barry''': Original version! Now come over here and give Big Tasty a hug.
:'''Adam''': Aww. ''[coming closer to his brother and Barry puts his hands on his head]'' No! No!
:'''Barry''': Vengeance is mine!
:'''Adam''': You putz! Now we're both stuck and nobody knows we're here!
:'''Barry''': Huh. I did not think that through.
:''[They are now stuck on the ball pole and fighting each other]''
<hr width=50%/>
:''[Barry shows Beverly a Christmas card]''
:'''Beverly''': Aw, a card. Thank you.
:'''Barry''': It's the eighth day of Hanukkah. Figure I'd save the best for last.
:'''Beverly''': Well, I love it. But you know what present I'd really love? A snuggie from my biggest boy.
:'''Barry''': Yeah, not gonna happen.
:'''Beverly''': Not even if I dare you?
:'''Barry''': Oh, God. Don't do this.
:'''Beverly''': Triple dog dare.
:'''Barry''': You'll regret ever challenging me. ''[hugging Beverly]'' Take these snuggies. Take 'em. Barry wins at everything.
:'''Beverly''': That's right, honey. You win.
:'''Barry''': Barry wins at everything.
===''The Tasty Boys'' [3.11]===
===''Baio and Switch'' [3.12]===
:'''Adult Adam''': ''[voiceover]'' As my universe was crumbling, my mom saw a world where she finally got a photo in the paper with her kids.
:'''Beverly''': Yo, yo, yo, volunteers. Who's ready to get this homeless party started?
:'''Barry''': Mom, what are you doing here?
:'''Beverly''': You're looking at the new regional captain for Hands Across America.
:'''Erica''': What happened to Coach Mellor?
:'''Beverly''': He cracked under the pressure. But don't worry, Mama's here. I know how important this is for you.
:'''Erica''': Yeah, I'm out.
:'''Barry''': Me, too. Shut it down, people.
:''[They all groan]''
:'''Beverly''': Whoa, hold up. Now that I'm involved, you're just gonna bail?
:'''Barry''': Nothing personal. You just make fun things suck.
:'''Beverly''': Well, that... That is a shame because this lady right here just got Scott Baio to ditch Philly and come to J-town.
:'''Johnny''': Dude, we got Fonzie's cousin.
:''[They all cheer]''
:'''Erica''': No, everyone stop. Mom, did you really get Scott Baio?
:'''Beverly''': I literally just got off the phone with Scotty B. He told me to call him "Scotty B." And he agreed to come here and hold hands with me.
:'''Erica''': I call the one available hand.
:'''Barry''': No way! The hand is mine!
:'''Erica''': Okay, this is my future husband. Why do you care?
:'''Barry''': 'Cause he's my future best bro. And once Scott meets me, he'll ditch Willie Aames and fly me to Hollywood so I never have to talk to you people again.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Adam''': Ugh. I don't understand how we all got the flu.
:'''Beverly''': I told you... With all that hand-holding, you'd catch a bug.
:'''Erica''': Will you stop saying that? It's not even how it works.
:''[Someone knocks at the door]''
:'''Beverly''': Ooh, sounds like we may have a special visitor.
:'''Erica''': Wait, did Scott Baio's people finally get back to you?
:'''Beverly''': No, but, uh, I still have Ben Franklin rented for an hour.
:'''Ben Franklin''': Good morrow, sick children. As I so famously said in 1780-something, an apple a day keeps the doctor...
:'''Adam''': No!
:'''Erica''': Not again.
:'''Barry''': I hate this president.
===''Double Dare'' [3.13]===
===''Lainey Loves Lionel'' [3.14]===
===''Weird Al'' [3.15]===
===''Edward 'Eddie the Eagle' Edwards'' [3.16]===
===''The Dirty Dancing Dance'' [3.17]===
===''12 Tapes for a Penny'' [3.18]===
:'''Adult Adam''': ''[voiceover]'' Tired of being labeled the troublemaker, my sister decided to live up to her name.
:'''Erica''': Wow, yeah, okay. Let's do this. Let's shoplift.
:'''Carla''': Trust me... It's super fun and easy. And also the only thing that really makes me feel alive. Ooh! Fanny packs.
:'''Erica''': I mean, how much worse is shoplifting than scamming Columbia house anyway? Getting 12 tapes for a penny is like the same thing as shoplifting.
:'''Carla''': ''[whispering]'' Just a tip... Maybe don't say "shoplifting" so much while you're shoplifting.
:'''Erica''': Right, gotcha. 'Cause we're not shoplifting, which is, by the way, totally a victimless crime.
:'''Carla''': I'm hearing a lot of justifying and not a lot of stealing. ''[opening her jacket showing the stuff]'' Catch up, girl.
===''Magic is Real'' [3.19]===
===''Dungeons and Dragons, Anyone?'' [3.20]===
===''Rush'' [3.21]===
===''Smother's Day'' [3.22]===
===''Big Orange'' [3.23]===
===''Have a Summer'' [3.24]===
:'''Adult Adam''': ''[voiceover]'' Maybe it was panic. Maybe it was nerd rage. Maybe it was the fact that my brother had been kicking my butt my whole life, but by then I said '''no more.''' ''[Young Adam bodyslams Barry]''
:'''Barry''': WHAT THE [BEEP]?! Ow... ''[walks away in pain]''
[[Category:The Goldbergs seasons]]
4vm8t1uwpv2ycg6qvuxdrgx15thdl7l
The Goldbergs (season 4)
0
250943
3935272
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2026-05-01T07:44:17Z
~2026-22475-30
3310494
/* Jedi Master Adam Skywalker [4.23] */
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons''': [[The Goldbergs (season 1)|1]] [[The Goldbergs (season 2)|2]] [[The Goldbergs (season 3)|3]] [[The Goldbergs (season 4)|4]] [[The Goldbergs (season 5)|5]] [[The Goldbergs (season 6)|6]] [[The Goldbergs (season 7)|7]] [[The Goldbergs (season 8)|8]] [[The Goldbergs (season 9)|9]] [[The Goldbergs (Season 10)|10]] | [[The Goldbergs|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:The Goldbergs (2013 TV series)|The Goldbergs]]''''' (2013–2023) is an American long-running sitcom aired on ABC.
== Season 4 ==
===''Breakfast Club'' [4.1]===
:''[Adam in Duckie from Pretty in Pink comes to see his friends]''
:'''Taz''': Whoa. What's with the bolo tie?
:'''Adam''': I've come to terms that I'm the lovable nerd, like Duckie from Pretty in Pink. And I've decided to embrace it. Wait. Why are you guys wearing hats, too?
:'''Taz''': 'Cause I want the cool kids to think I'm a rugged adventurer, like Indiana Jones.
:'''Dave''': And I'm hoping this Devo hat lands me a spot in the New Wave crowd.
:'''Adam''': Gentlemen, high school's gonna rock.
:'''Johnny''': Nice hats, hat boys.
:'''Carla''': You're all wearing hats like idiots! That's your thing!
:'''Johnny''': Later, hat heads. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Adam''': High school's gonna suck.
===''I Heart Video Dating'' [4.2]===
:'''Erica''': Nerd, I need you to make an awesome video for Lainey's dad.
:'''Adam''': Holy balls! My first professional paid gig!
:'''Erica''': I'm not paying you.
:'''Adam''': Still a professional gig, though.
:'''Erica''': It's really not.
:'''Adam''': I see it now. We open on a time portal as Mr. Lewis' cold, naked body spills to the Earth. He rises from the smoke like a Love Terminator.
:'''Erica''': Yeah, no nudity or time travel. Just make Mr. Lewis look cool, you know, macho.
:'''Adam''': We're making a picture! An Adam F. Goldberg joint.
:'''Erica''': What's with the "F"?
:'''Adam''': There's another Adam Goldberg at school. He's super-sensitive. I don't want to cause any marketplace confusion.
:'''Erica''': Don't worry about it. No one cares about either of you.
===''George! George! Class!'' [4.3]===
===''Crazy Calls'' [4.4]===
:'''Barry''': ''[on the phone]'' Hi. You've reached the Goldbergs. Leave a message.
:''[Phone beeps]''
:'''Erica''': Hey. I got a flat tire, and I need...
:'''Barry''': Ha! It's not the answering machine, you dumb idiot! It's actually me... Barry.
:'''Erica''': ''[sighs]'' It's me. I need Dad...
:'''Barry''': Gotcha again! It is the answering machine. Leave a message.
:''[Phone beeps again]''
:'''Erica''': Damn it! I've got a flat tire, and I need Dad...
:'''Barry''': No, it's actually me, Barry, for real. So, what's the deal?
:'''Erica''': Barry, I will kill you! Put Dad on the...
:'''Barry''': But, seriously, leave a message at the beep.
:''[Phone beeps again]''
:'''Erica''': Dad, I've got a flat...
:'''Barry''': Oh, my God. You're a dumb sack of crap.
===''Stefan King'' [4.5]===
===''Recipe for Death II: Kiss the Cook'' [4.6]===
===''Ho-ly K.I.T.T.'' [4.7]===
===''The Greatest Musical Ever Written'' [4.8]===
:'''Adult Adam''': ''[voiceover]'' It was November 30, 1980-something, and Erica was planning her winter-semester schedule.
:'''Erica''': Okay, Pops. I just finished the ultimate slacker schedule. Not that my college applications are in, I can finally, completely give in to my senioritis.
:'''Pops''': A lot of my friends have that. I-It's not as joyful with them.
:'''Erica''': First period, I kick things off with study hall, ease into my day. And then it's on the second period, another study hall for naps, and then typing class and then an easy "A" in home EC, and then ceramics and then intro to summer.
:'''Pops''': That's a class?
:'''Erica''': It's an independent study I created. You know, there's a science to getting a good base tan.
:'''Pops''': Well, you outdid yourself. This schedule really does spit in the face of education as we know it.
:'''Murray''': Got to admit, all this prepping and planning, very mature of you.
:'''Pops''': ''[to Murray]'' You approve of all this?
:'''Murray''': She's gonna be going to college soon. My job here is done.
:'''Pops''': Your job? As a parent?
:'''Murray''': Yep. Gonna be phoning it in from now on.
:'''Pops''': And this has been you not phoning it in.
:'''Murray''': I've been working my ass off.
:'''Beverly''': ''[sitting next to Pops]'' Hey, Boopie. What's with the board?
:'''Erica''': It's a year of mixing and relaxing with nonstop blow-off classes.
:'''Beverly''': Well, at least you're taking one real class.
:'''Erica''': Which is...
:'''Beverly''': Home ec. Running a house is the hardest job in the world.
:'''Erica''': You know, some people but a man on the moon, and others put parm on a chicken.
:'''Beverly''': Uh, you sound insane right now. Home economics is the cornerstone of civilization.
:'''Erica''': Or it's a class football players take to make drop cookies.
:'''Beverly''': That's what they're teaching you? How to drop a hunk of batter on a sheet?
:'''Murray''': When did you get so anti-drop cookie?
:'''Beverly''': They're not gonna teach you how to darn a sock, pepper a ham or bleach an undie?
:'''Murray''': I'm in the mood for drop cookies.
:'''Beverly''': It's important for you to have the knowledge that your grandmother had and her grandmother had before her.
:'''Erica''': Yeah, well, I'll hire a maid who has that knowledge. Until then, I have some mixing and relaxing to do.
:''[Erica leaves]''
:'''Murray''': Will you make me some drop cookies?
===''Globetrotters'' [4.9]===
===''Han Ukkah Solo'' [4.10]===
===''O Captain! My Captain!'' [4.11]===
:'''Mr Glascott''': And that is how you perform CPR on a man. Whoa, Mr. Goldberg, what is that you have there? Is that another note?
:'''Adam''': What? You just...
:'''Mr Glascott''': You know the rule. If you get caught with a note, you have to stand up and read it out loud so that everybody can hear it.
:'''Adam''': ''[standing up and reading it aloud]'' "Hey, Adam. Who's your favorite teacher? I know mine's old Glascott. He's hip like us. Dude just gets it. Did you know he's in a funk-fusion band called Funk and Games? I heard he's playing at the farmer's market this weekend." I can't read any more. I'm just gonna eat it. ''[He is about to eat it]''
:'''Mr Glascott''': You can't eat paper! It'll plug you up!
===''Snow Day'' [4.12]===
:'''Erica''': Ugh! I am so glad I'm finally done with that college essay.
:'''Pops''': You know, sweetheart, it's not too late to write about a real hero.
:'''Erica''': Ship's kind of sailed at this point.
:'''Pops''': That ship might circle back to port when you take a gander at some circus adventures after the war.
:'''Erica''': Oh, Pops, you don't have to make stuff up. You'll always be a hero to me.
:'''Pops''': But I spend four hours digging this up... Ah, damn it. She's gone.
:''[Project whirrs]''
:'''Man on TV''': And there they are, folks, stretching it.
:''[They cheer and applause]''
:'''Pops''': You handsome devil.
:'''Man on TV''': All right! Come on down and see it.
===''Agassi'' [4.13]===
:'''Adam''': My brother. Barry, my handsome and powerful brother, I need your help.
:'''Barry''': Normally I'd punch you and walk away, but I gotta say I'm intrigued.
:'''Adam''': I joined the tennis team, and I need a doubles partner.
:'''Barry''': Becoming bored!
:'''Adam''': And I need your incredible gifts.
:'''Barry''': Listening again.
:'''Adam''': Since you dominated all sports, I was wondering if you'd help me seek revenge on my best friend on the tennis court.
:'''Barry''': Well, you're in luck 'cause I know everything there is about tennis because of the coolest player on the planet.
===''The Spencer's Gift'' [4.14]===
===''So Swayze It's Crazy'' [4.15]===
===''The Kara-te Kid'' [4.16]===
===''Deadheads'' [4.17]===
:'''Beverly''': Alright, my little Robo schmoop. Time to clean up your masterpiece so I can lay out mine.
:'''Adam''': But we're about to shoot Pops' big scene.
:'''Pops''': Adam, is that you? I can't see in this thing.
:'''Adam''': Just take five, Pops.
:'''Pops''': Finally! I'm schvitzing in this big box.
:''[Pops accidentally knocks over Adam's video camera]''
:'''Adult Adam''': ''[voiceover]'' What happened next would change my life forever.
:'''Adam''': ''[slow-motion]'' Ohhhhh...fudge!
:'''Adult Adam''': Only I didn't say "fudge". I said the big one. The granddaddy of bad words, and it was not good.
<hr width=50%/>
:'''Beverly''': Unacceptable! I mean, where did you even ''learn'' such a potty word?
:'''Adam''': Nowhere.
:'''Beverly''': Answer me! Who taught you how to do this stuff?
:'''Adam''': You, alright?! I learned it by watching ''you!''
===''Baré'' [4.18]===
===''A Night to Remember'' [4.19]===
:'''Lainey''': Babe, it really was the perfect night. Thanks so much for not going overboard. It really means the world to me.
:'''Barry''': Of course. I got to feed the meter. Be right back.
:''[Barry comes to see that man]''
:'''Barry''': Change of plans! You need to get these giant horses out of here.
:'''Onna Kone''': Where's my 80 bucks, bro?
:'''Lainey''': Couldn't resist, huh?
:'''Barry''': Wha... These aren't my alley horses. ''[to Onna]'' Yah! Get out!
:'''Lainey''': Let's ride the horses, Barry.
:'''Barry''': Awesome! I get the one with the pretty hair.
===''The Dynamic Duo'' [4.20]===
===''Fonzie Scheme'' [4.21]===
:'''Adult Adam''': ''[voiceover]'' As my dad decided his new hobby was saving money, Barry was coming up with a plan to save our butts.
:'''Barry''': There it is, gentlemen, the answer to all our problems.
:'''Adam''': Uh, how, exactly?
:'''Barry''': Easy. We steal Cecil the janitor's golf cart and replace the one we sunk. It's the perfect crime.
:'''"Naked" Rob''': But then Cecil has no cart.
:'''Barry''': Way ahead of you. We then steal another golf cart from the different country club to replace Cecil's.
:'''Geoff''': But then wouldn't the second golf course be missing their cart?
:'''Barry''': Which is why we steal and replace golf carts several times a day for the rest of our natural lives.
:'''Matt''': Isn't that a Ponzi scheme, bro?
:'''Barry''': Fonzie has nothing to do with this, Matthew. He drives a motorcycle.
:'''Andy''': Not a Fonzie scheme, dude, Ponzi. And that's exactly what it is.
:'''Barry''': Not at all. All we got to do is swipe hundreds, if not thousands, of golf carts to keep our scam alive until we grow old and our children take our place!
:'''Geoff''': ''[to Adam]'' You really need to go to your sister about this.
:'''Adam''': On my way. ''[rushing off to see Erica]''
===''The Day After the Day After'' [4.22]===
:'''Mr Glascott''': Okay, everyone, welcome to "The Day After" emergency assembly. First of all, I just want to assure you that everything is gonna be okay.
:'''Coach Mellor''': It will not be okay! There's nowhere to hid in a nuclear winter!
:'''Mr Glascott''': Whoa. ''[chuckles]'' What Coach means is that there could be a nuclear winter, but it definitely won't happen. Till it does. Does not, because it was just a movie.
:'''Coach Mellor''': That will, for sure, come true.
:'''Mr Glascott''': Look, I know a lot of you are scared that the President is gonna snap, push a button, and incinerate us all, but I assure you, it will not happen.
:'''Coach Mellor''': When it does, I'll be safe and snug in my fallout shelter while the rest of you mutants scrounge for cockroaches.
:''[Mr Glascott looks confused]''
:'''Coach Mellor''': What, you got no argument for that one?
:'''Mr Glascott''': No, you're right. That movie has shaken me to my core. I have so many regrets.
:'''Coach Mellor''': You got about a week to fix 'em, Andre.
:'''Mr Glascott''': Well, let's start with that one right there. My name is not Andre. I only said it was in college to make myself seem more interesting to the ladies.
:'''Coach Mellor''': Let it out!
:'''Mr Glascott''': My name is Jonathan! And I love you, Lunch Lady Bernice! Are you out there?
:''[The students look at each other]''
:'''Mr Glascott''': You're probably mashing potatoes. Oh, boy. Okay, this day is a wash.
:'''Coach Mellor''': Everybody go home and hug your loved ones.
:''[They cheer and applause]''
:'''Geoff''': I know I should be happy to have the day off, but I'm, like, genuinely terrified.
:'''Lainey''': Me too. I feel so helpless. I never even got to party in Daytona.
===''Jedi Master Adam Skywalker'' [4.23]===
:''[Adam returns back home and sees Barry]''
:'''Barry''': Hey, Ad-Rock! Good news. I wrote another verse to help you get back with Jackie.
:'''Adam''': Dude, everything's fine with us now. Please don't sing for me.
:'''Erica''': Just let it happen, or he'll never leave you alone.
:'''Barry''': ''[singing]'' Dear Jackie, I love you like no other But you know who's really awesome? Barry, my brother Black belt in karate, girls think he's a hottie It's like how much can you fit in one body? He's a god on Earth, an academic wiz To be Barry is divine, my words, not his I wish I could do what Big Tasty can But I'm only Adam, forever your man
:'''Erica, Geoff and Lainey''': Girls, I must confess
:'''Barry''': Barry is my idol
:'''Erica, Geoff and Lainey''': Barry really is the best
:'''Barry''': Barry is the best
:'''Erica, Geoff and Lainey''': To know him, we are blessed
:'''Barry''': Barry rules the world
:'''Erica, Geoff and Lainey''': He's a man, he's a man, he's a man
:Barry is the man
:'''Barry''': I wrote that song for you, girl. Copyright Big Tasty Records. ''[drops the microphone and the microphone feedback]''
:'''Adam''': Still a no.
===''Graduation Day'' [4.24]===
[[Category:The Goldbergs seasons]]
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[[File:Hugh Trevor-Roper (1975).jpg|thumb|Trevor-Roper <!-- Not a life peer as Lord Dacre until 1979. --> in 1975]]
'''[[w:Hugh Trevor-Roper|Hugh Redwald Trevor-Roper, Baron Dacre of Glanton]]''' (15 January 1914 – 26 January 2003) was an English historian. He was [[w:Regius Professor of Modern History (Oxford)|Regius Professor of Modern History]] at the [[University of Oxford]]. Trevor-Roper was a polemicist and essayist on a range of historical topics, but particularly of England in the 16th and 17th centuries and [[Nazism|Nazi Germany]].
==Quotes==
*Now this doctrine of [[Thomas Carlyle|Carlyle]], which the history of [[Nazism]] so aptly illustrates, depends upon two premisses of doubtful validity: firstly, that "greatness", or any other merely abstract conception, is desirable; secondly, that the human character is constant,—for a great man can clearly be trusted with absolute power only if his qualities remain "great". The opposite doctrine to this is the doctrine summarised by [[John Dalberg-Acton, 1st Baron Acton|Lord Acton]] in his famous aphorism, "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely": the doctrine that power is not merely the effective expression of a fixed character, but can affect and alter the character which exercises it. The history of Nazism suggests that this doctrine is true.
**''The Last Days of Hitler'' (1947), pp. 252-253
*I used to think that historical events always had deep economic causes. I now believe that pure farce covers a far greater field of history, and that [[Edward Gibbon|Gibbon]] is a more reliable guide to that subject than [[Karl Marx|Marx]].
**Letter to [[Bernard Berenson]] (6 January 1951), quoted in Adam Sisman, ''Hugh Trevor-Roper: The Biography'' (2010), p. 202
*Unfortunately, as many writers have discovered, it is often not what they say that matters, but the manner in which it is said.
**Preface to Edward Gibbon's ''Vindication'', Oxford University Press (1961), pp. iii-iv.
*Like seventeenth century visitors to Scotland, they [English historians] tend to dismiss it as a barbarous country populated only by doltish peasants manipulated, for their own factious ends, by ambitious noblemen and fanatical ministers. And equally, they see the English occupation of Scotland merely as imposed, for the sake of order, on an exhausted land. Even Scottish historians have hardly sought to fill this gap. As far as published work is concerned, the sociology of seventeenth Scotland remains a blank.
**'Scotland and the Puritan Revolution', in H. E. Bell and R. L. Ollard (eds.), ''Historical Essays, 1600–1750, Presented to David Ogg'' (1963), p. 80
*England and Scotland were poles apart... In England population, trade, wealth had constantly increased. New industries had grown up and found new markets in a richer, more sophisticated lay society at home. The economic growth of England had been extraordinary and had created, however unequally, a new comfort and a new culture. But in Scotland there had been no such growth. There was little trade, little industry, no increase of population. Always poor and backward, it now seemed, by contrast, poorer and more backward still. That contrast is vividly illustrated by the comments of those who crossed the Tweed, in either direction. We read the accounts of English travellers in Scotland. Their inns, cries [[w:Sir William Brereton, 1st Baronet|Sir William Brereton]], are worse than a jakes; and he breaks into a sustained cry of incredulous disgust at that dismal, dirty, waste, and treeless land. Then we turn to the Scottish travellers in England. "Their inns", exclaims [[w:Robert Baillie|Robert Baillie]], "are like palaces"; and [[w:Alexander Brodie, Lord Brodie|Sir Alexander Brodie of Brodie]], goggling at all the wicked fancies and earthly delights of London, reminds us of a bedouin of the desert blinking in the bazaar of Cairo or Damascus.
**'Scotland and the Puritan Revolution', in H. E. Bell and R. L. Ollard (eds.), ''Historical Essays, 1600–1750, Presented to David Ogg'' (1963), p. 81
*Scotland had already had a religious revolution. By an irony which seems also a law of history, the new religion of [[w:Calvinism|Calvinism]], like [[Marxism]] today, had triumphed not in the mature society which had bred it but in undeveloped countries where the organs of resistance to it were also undeveloped.
**'Scotland and the Puritan Revolution', in H. E. Bell and R. L. Ollard (eds.), ''Historical Essays, 1600–1750, Presented to David Ogg'' (1963), pp. 82-83
*Perhaps, in the future, there will be some African history to teach. But at present there is none, or very little: there is only the history of the Europeans in Africa. The rest is largely darkness, like the history of pre-European, pre-Columbian America. And darkness is not a subject for history.
**''The Rise of Christian Europe'' (1965) pp. 9.
*After that date [1707], intelligent Scotchmen rejoiced in the removal of their national politics to London. That enabled them to get on with the long delayed improvement of their country which, till then, had remained, as they admitted, "the rudest of all the European nations". In the eighteenth century, the energy which had hitherto been wasted or frustrated in futile politics was devoted to "improvement" and the rudest of its nations became the admired model of Europe.
**'Scotching the myths of devolution', ''The Times'' (28 April 1976), p. 14
*It amuses me to hear some of my Scotch friends, who have leapt nimbly on to the new band-wagon, speaking as if, with independence, Scotland would be the same as before, only independent. Will it even be as large as before? The native historian of the [[w:Orkney|Orkney Islands]] closes his work with the remark that the only advantage that the Orkney islanders gained from their annexation by Scotland in 1468 was "the ultimate advantage of annexation to Great Britain" in 1707. They may well prefer to be ruled by London rather than from Glasgow, to which political power in an independent Scotland will naturally gravitate, and where it will no doubt be exercised—since they too are good at that kind of politics—by the Irish. This will perhaps compensate them for their inability to rule the Scots of Ulster from captured Belfast.
**'Scotching the myths of devolution', ''The Times'' (28 April 1976), p. 14
*The Government spokesmen...insist that, once the [[w:Scottish Assembly|assembly]] is established, the [[w:Scottish National Party|SNP]] will wither away... Thanks to the assembly, Scotch nationalism will have been scotched. The leaders of the SNP do not agree with this reasoning. If they did, they would oppose the assembly as an unacceptable substitute for their own essential demands, a stone offered instead of bread. In fact they have decided to vote for the assembly, confident that they can use it as a stepping-stone towards their own objective. For after all, they can say, the opportunities of making trouble in the assembly will be many. There can be disputes over the spending of the money, disputes over the restraints on the assembly, both political and financial. Even practical incompetence can be useful; for in every case the blame can be concentrated on a very convenient scapegoat, the reserved powers of Westminster. In this way the assembly, which has been devised to halt the advance of the SNP, will be an excellent means of accelerating that advance: an advance far beyond the limited aims of the government: an advance to sovereignty.
**'This time there will be no musketeers to hold Great Britain together', ''The Times'' (23 September 1976), p. 14
*To this the government reply is, in effect, "wait and see". We are assured that once the sensible Scots people have elected sensible, practical men to represent them in the assembly, all these grim forebodings will prove mistaken. The assembly-men will settle down and make good laws within the limits set, and the claims of the SNP will dissolve in mere noise.
**'This time there will be no musketeers to hold Great Britain together', ''The Times'' (23 September 1976), p. 14
==Quotes about Hugh Trevor-Roper==
*The Regius Professor's methods of quotation might also do harm to his reputation as a serious historian, if he had one.
**[[A. J. P. Taylor]], 'How to Quote: Exercises for Beginners', ''Encounter'' (September 1961), quoted in Kathleen Burk, ''Troublemaker: The Life and History of A.J.P. Taylor'' (2000), p. 287
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Trevor-Roper, Hugh}}
[[Category:1914 births]]
[[Category:2003 deaths]]
[[Category:Historians from England]]
[[Category:Conservative Party (UK) politicians]]
[[Category:Fellows of the British Academy]]
[[Category:University of Oxford alumni]]
[[Category:University of Oxford faculty]]
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[[File:Arevakhach.svg|thumb| There is a small area of land in [[Asia Minor]] that is called Armenia, but it is not so. It is not Armenia. It is a place. There are only Armenians, and they inhabit the earth, not Armenia, since there is no Armenia. —[[William Saroyan]]]]
'''[[w:Armenians|Armenian]]''' (Armenian: հայեր, hayer [hɑˈjɛɾ]) are an ethnic group native to the Armenian highlands in the Caucasus region of [[Southeastern Europe|south-eastern Europe]]. Armenians constitute the main population of Armenia and the de facto independent Artsakh until it was annexed by [[Azerbaijan]]. There is a wide-ranging diaspora of around five million people of full or partial Armenian ancestry living outside modern Armenia. The largest Armenian populations today exist in [[Russia]], the [[United States]], [[France]], [[Georgia (country)|Georgia]], [[Iran]], [[Germany]], [[Ukraine]], [[Lebanon]], [[Brazil]], and [[Syria]]. With the exceptions of Iran and the former [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] states, the present-day Armenian diaspora was formed mainly as a result of the Armenian genocide.
{{geography-stub}}
{{people-stub}}
==Quotes==
* Like the [[Jews]] in [[Central and Eastern Europe]], the Armenians were doubly vulnerable: not only a [[Religion|religious]] [[Minority group|minority]], but also a relatively [[Wealth|wealthy]] group, disproportionately engaged in [[Trade|commerce]]. Like the Jews, they were heavily, though by no means exclusively, concentrated in one border region: the six vilayets (provinces) of Bitlis, Van, Erzurum, Mamuretulaziz, Diyarbakir and Sivas, on the [[Ottoman Empire]]'s eastern frontier. Like the Jews, although more credibly, the Armenians could be identified as sympathizing with an external threat, namely [[Russia]], historically the Ottoman Empire's most dangerous foe. Like the [[Serbs]], they had their [[Extremism|extremists]], who aimed at [[independence]] through [[violence]]. There had in fact been state-sponsored attacks against them before. In the mid-i890s irregular [[w:Kurds|Kurdish]] [[troops]] had been unleashed against Armenian villages as the Ottoman authorities tried to reassert the Armenians' subordinate status as infidel ''[[Dhimmi|dhimmis]]'', or non-[[Muslim]] citizens. The [[United States|American]] [[ambassador]] estimated the number of people killed at more than 37,000. There was a fresh outbreak of violence at Adana in 1909, though this was not instigated by the [[w:Young_Turks|Young Turks]]. [[Armenian genocide|The murderous campaign launched against the Armenians from 1915 to 1918]] was qualitatively different, however; so much so that it is now widely acknowledged to have been the first true [[genocide]]. With good reason, the [[United States Department of State|American consul]] in [[w:Izmir|Smyrna]] declared that it 'surpasse[d] in deliberate and long-protracted horror and in extent anything that has hitherto happened in the [[history]] of the world'.
** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), pp. 176-177
* These people were of all races, colors, and creeds. [[French Colonial Empire|French]] were in the north and in the Carolinas. [[Dutch Empire|Dutch]] had built the town on [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]] island, and their patroons' estates in the Hudson valley; now they were building their own cabins in the Mohawk Indian country that is now New York State. [[Germans]] had settled in the [[New Jersey|Jerseys]] and in the far west, beyond [[Philadelphia]]. Germans and [[Ulster|Scotch-Irish]] were climbing the Carolina mountains; [[Swedes]] were in [[Delaware]], [[English people|English]] and [[French people|French]] and [[Dutch people|Dutch]] and [[Irish people|Irish]] were settled in [[Massachusetts]], the [[New Hampshire]] Grants, [[Connecticut]], and [[Virginia]]. Mingled with all these were [[Italians]], [[Portugal|Portuguese]], [[Finns]], [[Arabs]], Armenians, [[Russians]], [[Greeks]], and [[Black people|Africans]] from a dozen very different [[Africa|African]] peoples and cultures. Black, brown, yellow and white, all these peoples were some of them free and some of them [[Slavery in the United States|slaves]]. Also they were intermarried with the [[Native Americans in the United States|American Indians]].
** [[Rose Wilder Lane]], §1 of "The Third Attempt," ch. V of Pt. Two of ''[https://mises.org/library/discovery-freedom The Discovery of Freedom: Man's Struggle Against Authority]'' (New York: The John Day Company, 1943), pp. 153–154.
* There is a small area of land in [[Asia Minor]] that is called Armenia, but it is not so. It is not Armenia. It is a place. There are only Armenians, and they inhabit the earth, not Armenia, since there is no Armenia. There is no [[Americas|America]] and there is no [[England]], and no France, and no Italy. There is only the [[earth]].
** [[William Saroyan]], ''Inhale, Exhale''<br />
* Armenians have lost the instinct for self-preservation, especially those who pursue a pro-[[Turkey|Turkish]] policy in Armenia. I'm just in shock. The Armenians seem to want to check again whether the [[Turks]] will massacre them or not. Armenia wants to start negotiations with Ankara, with the presence of preconditions. Turkey has not given up and will not give up on them.
** [[Aram G. Sargsyan]] (2021) cited in: "[https://news.am/eng/news/679898.html Democratic Party of Armenia: PM Pashinyan makes it clear he must be removed from office immediately]" in ''News'', 29 December 2021.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:People by ethnicity]]
[[Category:Armenia]]
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[[File:Arevakhach.svg|thumb| There is a small area of land in [[Asia Minor]] that is called Armenia, but it is not so. It is not Armenia. It is a place. There are only Armenians, and they inhabit the earth, not Armenia, since there is no Armenia. —[[William Saroyan]]]]
'''[[w:Armenians|Armenian]]''' (Armenian: հայեր, hayer [hɑˈjɛɾ]) are an ethnic group native to the Armenian highlands in the Caucasus region of [[Southeastern Europe|south-eastern Europe]]. Armenians constitute the main population of Armenia and the de facto independent Artsakh until it was annexed by [[Azerbaijan]]. There is a wide-ranging diaspora of around five million people of full or partial Armenian ancestry living outside modern Armenia. The largest Armenian populations today exist in [[Russia]], the [[United States]], [[France]], [[Georgia (country)|Georgia]], [[Iran]], [[Germany]], [[Ukraine]], [[Lebanon]], [[Brazil]], and [[Syria]]. With the exceptions of Iran and the former [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] states, the present-day Armenian diaspora was formed mainly as a result of the Armenian genocide.
{{geography-stub}}
{{people-stub}}
==Quotes==
* Like the [[Jews]] in [[Central and Eastern Europe]], the Armenians were doubly vulnerable: not only a [[Religion|religious]] [[Minority group|minority]], but also a relatively [[Wealth|wealthy]] group, disproportionately engaged in [[Trade|commerce]]. Like the Jews, they were heavily, though by no means exclusively, concentrated in one border region: the six vilayets (provinces) of Bitlis, Van, Erzurum, Mamuretulaziz, Diyarbakir and Sivas, on the [[Ottoman Empire]]'s eastern frontier. Like the Jews, although more credibly, the Armenians could be identified as sympathizing with an external threat, namely [[Russia]], historically the Ottoman Empire's most dangerous foe. Like the [[Serbs]], they had their [[Extremism|extremists]], who aimed at [[independence]] through [[violence]]. There had in fact been state-sponsored attacks against them before. In the mid-i890s irregular [[w:Kurds|Kurdish]] [[troops]] had been unleashed against Armenian villages as the Ottoman authorities tried to reassert the Armenians' subordinate status as infidel ''[[Dhimmi|dhimmis]]'', or non-[[Muslim]] citizens. The [[United States|American]] [[ambassador]] estimated the number of people killed at more than 37,000. There was a fresh outbreak of violence at Adana in 1909, though this was not instigated by the [[w:Young_Turks|Young Turks]]. [[Armenian genocide|The murderous campaign launched against the Armenians from 1915 to 1918]] was qualitatively different, however; so much so that it is now widely acknowledged to have been the first true [[genocide]]. With good reason, the [[United States Department of State|American consul]] in [[w:Izmir|Smyrna]] declared that it 'surpasse[d] in deliberate and long-protracted horror and in extent anything that has hitherto happened in the [[history]] of the world'.
** [[Niall Ferguson]], ''The War of the World: Twentieth-Century Conflict and the Descent of the West'' (2006), pp. 176-177
* These people were of all races, colors, and creeds. [[French Colonial Empire|French]] were in the north and in the Carolinas. [[Dutch Empire|Dutch]] had built the town on [[Manhattan (borough)|Manhattan]] island, and their patroons' estates in the Hudson valley; now they were building their own cabins in the Mohawk Indian country that is now New York State. [[Germans]] had settled in the [[New Jersey|Jerseys]] and in the far west, beyond [[Philadelphia]]. Germans and [[Ulster|Scotch-Irish]] were climbing the Carolina mountains; [[Swedes]] were in [[Delaware]], [[English people|English]] and [[French people|French]] and [[Dutch people|Dutch]] and [[Irish people|Irish]] were settled in [[Massachusetts]], the [[New Hampshire]] Grants, [[Connecticut]], and [[Virginia]]. Mingled with all these were [[Italians]], [[Portugal|Portuguese]], [[Finns]], [[Arabs]], Armenians, [[Russians]], [[Greeks]], and [[Black people|Africans]] from a dozen very different [[Africa|African]] peoples and cultures. Black, brown, yellow and white, all these peoples were some of them free and some of them [[Slavery in the United States|slaves]]. Also they were intermarried with the [[Native Americans in the United States|American Indians]].
** [[Rose Wilder Lane]], §1 of "The Third Attempt," ch. V of Pt. Two of ''[https://mises.org/library/discovery-freedom The Discovery of Freedom: Man's Struggle Against Authority]'' (New York: The John Day Company, 1943), pp. 153–154.
* There is a small area of land in [[Asia Minor]] that is called Armenia, but it is not so. It is not Armenia. It is a place. There are only Armenians, and they inhabit the earth, not Armenia, since there is no Armenia. There is no [[Americas|America]] and there is no [[England]], and no [[France]], and no [[Italy]]. There is only the [[earth]].
** [[William Saroyan]], ''Inhale, Exhale''<br />
* Armenians have lost the instinct for self-preservation, especially those who pursue a pro-[[Turkey|Turkish]] policy in Armenia. I'm just in shock. The Armenians seem to want to check again whether the [[Turks]] will massacre them or not. Armenia wants to start negotiations with Ankara, with the presence of preconditions. Turkey has not given up and will not give up on them.
** [[Aram G. Sargsyan]] (2021) cited in: "[https://news.am/eng/news/679898.html Democratic Party of Armenia: PM Pashinyan makes it clear he must be removed from office immediately]" in ''News'', 29 December 2021.
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:People by ethnicity]]
[[Category:Armenia]]
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Jingle All the Way (1996 film)
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'''''[[w:Jingle All the Way|Jingle All the Way]]''''' is a 1996 American Christmas family comedy film directed by Brian Levant. It stars [[w:Arnold Schwarzenegger|Arnold Schwarzenegger]] and Sinbad as two rival fathers, mattress saleman.
==Transcript==
:'''Dementor''': Stop him!
:'''Demons''': Go, go, Demon Team!
:'''Billy''': Help, Turbo Man! Help!
:'''Turbo Man''': I'm coming, Billy!
:'''Computer''': Five seconds to ignition.
:'''Liz''': Jamie, go and change. It's almost time to leave.
:'''Jamie''': But dad's not home yet.
:'''Liz''':
'''Office'''
:'''Howard''': Hello, Mr. Jacobs. Yes.
[ Beeps Word In Andrea/Wherehouse on Line 2 ]
:'''Howard''': Andrea, hi. If you think the fabric is too dark, we re-cover it. ''At no extra charge.''
[ Beeps Word In Your Wife on Line 4 ]
:'''Howard''': ''Liz. Hi, honey. How are you?''
'''House'''
:'''Liz''': Howard, where are you?
'''Office'''
:'''Howard''': I know. Jamie karate class. ''Don't worry. I'm meet you there. I promise.''
'''Parade'''
'''Myron''': I got it I got one I finally got one [???]
:'''Ted''': That's my boy!
:'''Liz''': Way to go, Jamie!
==Post-Credits Scene==
:'''Howard''': Liz, ''you'' should have seen us in there. I mean, we were really bonding. We were drawing.<br>We were laughing, having a great time, talking about that Turbo guy.
:'''Liz''': Turbo Man. Which reminds me-- You got the doll, right?
[ Music Playing ]
:'''Howard''': The doll?
:'''Liz''': Yeah. That Turbo man doll. I asked ''you'' to pick one up two weeks ago.
:'''Howard''': Oh. That doll. Of course.
:'''Liz''': Howard, ''you'' didn't. Please, tell me that ''you'' did ''not'' forget that doll.
:'''Howard''': I got it right away.
:'''Liz''': Howard, I've been thinking. Everything that you went through today for Jamie really shows how much you love him. And, uh... if you're willing to go through all of that for him just for a present... well, that makes me wonder.
:'''Howard''': What?
:'''Liz''': (Smiling widely) What did you get me?
==Cast==
* [[w:Arnold Schwarzenegger|Arnold Schwarzenegger]] - Howard Langston / Turbo Man
* [[w:Rita Wilson|Rita Wilson]] - Liz Langston
* [[w:Jake Lloyd|Jake Lloyd]] - Jamie Langston
* [[w:Sinbad|Sinbad]] - Myron Larabee / Dementor
* [[w:Curtis Armstrong|Curtis Armstrong]] - Chainsmoking Booster
* [[w:Robert Conrad|Robert Conrad]] - Office Alexander Hummell
* [[w:Phil Morris|Phil Morris]] - Gale Force
* E. J. De La Pean - Johnny Maltin
* [[w:Phil Hartman|Phil Hartman]] - Ted Maltin
==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:1996 American films]]
[[Category:Christmas films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
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Higglytown Heroes
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/* Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy! */
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'''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon.
==''Season 1''==
===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''===
:'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost!
:'''All''': LOST?!
===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''===
:[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps'']
:'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]''
:'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose!
:'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something!
:'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth.
:'''Twinkle''': They do?
===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''===
===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''===
:'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello?
:'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling.
:'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.''
:'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand.
:''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]''
:'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is.
{{line}}
:'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma.
:'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun.
===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''===
:'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze.
:'''Kids''': Whoa!
:'''Wayne''': Whoopsie.
:''[barrel crash]''
:'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no!
:'''Kids''': Whoa!
:'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel!
:''[barrel crash again]''
:'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out.
==''Halloween Heroes''==
:'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]''
:'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran?
:'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!'''
:''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]''
:'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to t have a conversation with Uncle Lemmo]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants.
:'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]''
:'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway?
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern?
:'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh!
:'''Kip''': Tell us!
:'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago.
:'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party.
:'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween!
:'''Kip''': I’m a robot!
:'''Twinkle''': A princess.
:'''Eubie''': A walrus!
:'''Fran''': A bat!
:'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that!
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]''
:'''Bernice''': Hello.
:'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Fran''': There's just one problem.
:'''Twinkle''': What is that?
:'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!!
:'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!!
:''[they hide inside themselves]''
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha!
:'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran!
:'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some.
:'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend.
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity!
===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''===
Down, Boy. Down!
Hal, Stucky. Hal!
No, Huggy. No!
{{line}}
:'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone!
:'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago.
:'''Wayne''': Where could it be?
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard.
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': It’s coming from the park zoo.
:'''Kip''': Let’s go!
:’’[the kids walking at the park zoo at swimming with the seal] ''
:'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart!
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero?
:'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy.
===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''===
:'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared.
{{line}}
:''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]''
:'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious!
:'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster?
:'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know!
:'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of.
:'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire.
:'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh!
:'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach?
===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''===
===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''===
:'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons.
:'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green.
:'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy.
:'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold.
:'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now.
:'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes?
===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''===
:'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows!
:''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]''
:'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses.
:'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows.
:'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt.
:'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off.
:'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]''
:'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh!
:'''Wayne''': What happened?
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken!
:'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do?
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt.
:'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]''
==''Twinkle's Wish''==
===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''===
:'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going?
:'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there.
:'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going?
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles.
:'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons.
:'''Twinkle''': Art lessons?
:'''Kids''': Cool!
:''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]''
:'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki.
:'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki.
{{line}}
:'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again.
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero?
===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''===
:'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital.
:'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people?
:'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie.
:'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go.
{{line}}
:'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean.
:'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky
:''When I looked in the mirror,''
:''I sure was lookin' fine!''
:''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut''
:''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues''
:''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."''
:''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!''
:''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!''
:''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues''
:''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake''
:''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake''
:''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too''
:''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues''
:''Yeah… ♪''
:'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident.
===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''===
:'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom?
===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''===
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic!
===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''===
===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''===
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]''
:'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us!
:'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me!
:'''Fran''': We need some help!
:'''Kip''': But never fear-o!
===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''===
:''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]''
:'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City.
:'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!''
:'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter.
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure.
:'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city.
:'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.''
:'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters!
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': It’s the Happy Hairy Higgly Monsters!
:'''Alan''': Hi, kids! You here to see the show?
:'''Wayne''': You better believe it!
:'''Alan''': So come on! Let’s go!
{{line}}
:''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]''
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet.
:'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours.
:'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights?
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea.
{{line}}
:'''Uncle Zooter''': The next bus that goes to Higgly Way…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Won’t arrive for 15 minutes, and we only have 10 minutes!
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Which is less then 15 minutes!
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom?
:'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to!
:'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat?
:'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare.
{{line}}
:'''Carrie, Wally, Sanderson, Morty and Alan''': Happy Monsters, Hairy Monsters, Happy Hairy Higgly Monsters!
:'''Alan''': Live on Higgly Way! ''[gives himself a wink]''
===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''===
:'''Twinkle''': What’s that?
:'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover.
:'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]''
:'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain?
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]''
:'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]''
:'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down!
:'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?!
:'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away!
===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''===
:'''Pizza Guy''': '''''LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!!!'''
:'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza!
:'''Library Man''': The library!
:'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside!
{{line}}:
:'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property?
:'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple!
:'''Gloria''': Yellow!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE!
:'''Gloria''': Yellow!
===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''===
===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''===
:'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne.
:'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae."
:'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks.
:'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck.
:'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran.
:'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say.
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': Kip, I don’t think the ice cream’s the problem. I think the problem is your tooth.
:'''Kip''': My tooth? How can I fix it?
:'''Fran''': Well-
{{line}}
:'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying.
:'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt.
:'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity.
:'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!''
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop!
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it.
:'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors.
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is…
:'''Twinkle''': Catch it!
:'''Kip''': I got it! I got it!
:'''Eubie''': Excuse me.
:'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry?
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is…
:'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen!
:'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick.
:'''Eubie''': Or even longer.
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles.
:'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?!
===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''===
:'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!'''
:'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there!
:''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]''
:'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken.
===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''===
:'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be?
:'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know?
:'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat?
:'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you?
:'''Wayne''': Forget what?
:'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day!
:'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm.
:'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year.
:'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp.
:'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes.
:'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
{{line}}
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say!
{{line}}
:''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]''
:'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers.
:'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha.
:'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it.
:'''Eubie''': But how?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs.
:'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan.
:'''Twinkle''': Why not?
:'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around.
:'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies.
:'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks.
:'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles.
:'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up.
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp.
:'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special.
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies?
:'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime?
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪''
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper.
:'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you.
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live.
:'''Wayne''': It sure does.
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be…
:'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes!
===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''===
==''Season 2''==
===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''===
===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''===
===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''===
:'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin?
:'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better.
:'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]''
:'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]''
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-o-Pop-o-Squeak-o-Phone…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake!
===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''===
===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''===
:''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]''
:'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday.
:'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!"
:'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie.
:''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]''
:'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying.
:'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?"
:'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong?
:'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right.
:''[Pookie cries louder]''
:'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad.
:'''Twinkle''': What if only there was some way we could make her smile?
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday--
:'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday & that is not fun to play with.
===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''===
==''The Fran In the Moon''==
===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''===
:'''Kip''': Give me that flag!
:'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game.
:'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now!
:'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping.
:'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say.
:'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do?
{{line}}
:'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down!
:'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't.
:'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess!
:'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere.
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?
===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''===
===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''===
==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''==
===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''===
==''Higgly Island''==
===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''===
===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''===
===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''===
:''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]''
:'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma!
:'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip.
:'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you.
:'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too.
:'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today?
:'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City.
:'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving.
:'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?!
:'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today.
:'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away.
:'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown.
:'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house?
{{line}}
:'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in.
:'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there.
:'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': It sure is.
:'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]''
:'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad.
:'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo.
:''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]''
:'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah."
:'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too.
===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''===
===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''===
===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''===
===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''===
:'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa!
:''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]''
:'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes!
:'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie!
===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''===
==''Season 3''==
===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''===
===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''===
===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''===
===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''===
:'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya!
===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''===
:'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad?
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping?
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over.
:'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?!
:'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us?
{{line}}
:'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪''
:'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪''
:'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops?
:'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu?
:'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪''
:'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪''
===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''===
===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''===
:'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something.
{{line}}
:'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG!
===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''===
===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''===
===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''===
:''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]''
:'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]''
:'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet.
:''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]''
:'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along?
:'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful.
:'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': But now…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed.
:'''Eubie''': Aw.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow.
===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''===
===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''===
:''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that!
:'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew!
:'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show!
:'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon.
:'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular.
===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''===
:'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero.
:'''All''': Wow!
===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''===
==''Calling All Heroes''==
:''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]''
:'''Kip''': My hat!
:'''Twinkle''': My tiara!
:'''Wayne''': My pizza!
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, no!
:'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain.
{{line}}
:'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains.
:''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]''
:'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain!
:'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time.
:'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy!
:''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]''
:'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay.
:'''Fran''': That was a close one.
:'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets?
:'''Kip''': I think so. Why?
:'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?!
{{line}}
:'''Mayor Alesana''': Please get off the streets and go indoors as quickly as you can! Repeat, get off the streets! ''[pushes Jessi inside as she flutters her arms as a pizza base drops]''
{{line}}
:''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]''
:'''Bitty''': Kip?
:'''Kip''': Mom!
:'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie!
:'''Bitty''': Are you all right?
:'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead.
:'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out.
:'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried!
:'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside.
===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''===
===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''===
===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''===
:'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears.
===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''===
==External Links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
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'''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon.
==''Season 1''==
===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''===
:'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost!
:'''All''': LOST?!
===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''===
:[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps'']
:'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]''
:'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose!
:'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something!
:'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth.
:'''Twinkle''': They do?
===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''===
===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''===
:'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello?
:'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling.
:'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.''
:'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand.
:''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]''
:'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is.
{{line}}
:'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma.
:'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun.
===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''===
:'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze.
:'''Kids''': Whoa!
:'''Wayne''': Whoopsie.
:''[barrel crash]''
:'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no!
:'''Kids''': Whoa!
:'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel!
:''[barrel crash again]''
:'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out.
==''Halloween Heroes''==
:'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]''
:'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran?
:'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!'''
:''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]''
:'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to t have a conversation with Uncle Lemmo]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants.
:'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]''
:'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway?
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern?
:'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh!
:'''Kip''': Tell us!
:'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago.
:'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party.
:'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween!
:'''Kip''': I’m a robot!
:'''Twinkle''': A princess.
:'''Eubie''': A walrus!
:'''Fran''': A bat!
:'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that!
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]''
:'''Bernice''': Hello.
:'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Fran''': There's just one problem.
:'''Twinkle''': What is that?
:'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!!
:'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!!
:''[they hide inside themselves]''
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha!
:'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran!
:'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some.
:'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend.
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity!
===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''===
Down, Boy. Down!
Hal, Stucky. Hal!
No, Huggy. No!
{{line}}
:'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone!
:'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago.
:'''Wayne''': Where could it be?
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard.
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': It’s coming from the park zoo.
:'''Kip''': Let’s go!
:[the kids walking at the park zoo at swimming with the seal] ''
:'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart!
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero?
:'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy.
===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''===
:'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared.
{{line}}
:''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]''
:'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious!
:'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster?
:'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know!
:'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of.
:'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire.
:'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh!
:'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach?
===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''===
===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''===
:'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons.
:'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green.
:'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy.
:'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold.
:'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now.
:'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes?
===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''===
:'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows!
:''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]''
:'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses.
:'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows.
:'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt.
:'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off.
:'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]''
:'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh!
:'''Wayne''': What happened?
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken!
:'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do?
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt.
:'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]''
==''Twinkle's Wish''==
===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''===
:'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going?
:'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there.
:'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going?
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles.
:'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons.
:'''Twinkle''': Art lessons?
:'''Kids''': Cool!
:''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]''
:'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki.
:'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki.
{{line}}
:'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again.
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero?
===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''===
:'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital.
:'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people?
:'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie.
:'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go.
{{line}}
:'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean.
:'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky
:''When I looked in the mirror,''
:''I sure was lookin' fine!''
:''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut''
:''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues''
:''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."''
:''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!''
:''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!''
:''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues''
:''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake''
:''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake''
:''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too''
:''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues''
:''Yeah… ♪''
:'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident.
===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''===
:'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom?
===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''===
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic!
===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''===
===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''===
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]''
:'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us!
:'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me!
:'''Fran''': We need some help!
:'''Kip''': But never fear-o!
===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''===
:''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]''
:'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City.
:'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!''
:'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter.
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure.
:'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city.
:'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.''
:'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters!
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': It’s the Happy Hairy Higgly Monsters!
:'''Alan''': Hi, kids! You here to see the show?
:'''Wayne''': You better believe it!
:'''Alan''': So come on! Let’s go!
{{line}}
:''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]''
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet.
:'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours.
:'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights?
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea.
{{line}}
:'''Uncle Zooter''': The next bus that goes to Higgly Way…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Won’t arrive for 15 minutes, and we only have 10 minutes!
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Which is less then 15 minutes!
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom?
:'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to!
:'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat?
:'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare.
{{line}}
:'''Carrie, Wally, Sanderson, Morty and Alan''': Happy Monsters, Hairy Monsters, Happy Hairy Higgly Monsters!
:'''Alan''': Live on Higgly Way! ''[gives himself a wink]''
===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''===
:'''Twinkle''': What’s that?
:'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover.
:'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]''
:'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain?
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]''
:'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]''
:'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down!
:'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?!
:'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away!
===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''===
:'''Pizza Guy''': '''''LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!!!'''
:'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza!
:'''Library Man''': The library!
:'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside!
{{line}}:
:'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property?
:'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple!
:'''Gloria''': Yellow!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE!
:'''Gloria''': Yellow!
===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''===
===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''===
:'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne.
:'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae."
:'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks.
:'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck.
:'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran.
:'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say.
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': Kip, I don’t think the ice cream’s the problem. I think the problem is your tooth.
:'''Kip''': My tooth? How can I fix it?
:'''Fran''': Well-
{{line}}
:'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying.
:'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt.
:'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity.
:'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!''
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop!
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it.
:'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors.
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is…
:'''Twinkle''': Catch it!
:'''Kip''': I got it! I got it!
:'''Eubie''': Excuse me.
:'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry?
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is…
:'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen!
:'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick.
:'''Eubie''': Or even longer.
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles.
:'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?!
===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''===
:'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!'''
:'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there!
:''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]''
:'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken.
===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''===
:'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be?
:'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know?
:'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat?
:'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you?
:'''Wayne''': Forget what?
:'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day!
:'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm.
:'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year.
:'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp.
:'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes.
:'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
{{line}}
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say!
{{line}}
:''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]''
:'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers.
:'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha.
:'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it.
:'''Eubie''': But how?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs.
:'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan.
:'''Twinkle''': Why not?
:'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around.
:'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies.
:'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks.
:'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles.
:'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up.
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp.
:'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special.
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies?
:'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime?
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪''
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper.
:'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you.
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live.
:'''Wayne''': It sure does.
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be…
:'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes!
===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''===
==''Season 2''==
===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''===
===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''===
===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''===
:'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin?
:'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better.
:'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]''
:'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]''
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-o-Pop-o-Squeak-o-Phone…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake!
===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''===
===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''===
:''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]''
:'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday.
:'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!"
:'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie.
:''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]''
:'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying.
:'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?"
:'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong?
:'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right.
:''[Pookie cries louder]''
:'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad.
:'''Twinkle''': What if only there was some way we could make her smile?
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday--
:'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday & that is not fun to play with.
===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''===
==''The Fran In the Moon''==
===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''===
:'''Kip''': Give me that flag!
:'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game.
:'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now!
:'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping.
:'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say.
:'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do?
{{line}}
:'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down!
:'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't.
:'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess!
:'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere.
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?
===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''===
===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''===
==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''==
===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''===
==''Higgly Island''==
===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''===
===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''===
===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''===
:''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]''
:'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma!
:'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip.
:'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you.
:'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too.
:'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today?
:'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City.
:'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving.
:'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?!
:'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today.
:'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away.
:'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown.
:'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house?
{{line}}
:'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in.
:'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there.
:'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': It sure is.
:'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]''
:'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad.
:'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo.
:''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]''
:'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah."
:'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too.
===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''===
===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''===
===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''===
===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''===
:'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa!
:''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]''
:'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes!
:'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie!
===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''===
==''Season 3''==
===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''===
===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''===
===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''===
===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''===
:'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya!
===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''===
:'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad?
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping?
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over.
:'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?!
:'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us?
{{line}}
:'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪''
:'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪''
:'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops?
:'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu?
:'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪''
:'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪''
===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''===
===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''===
:'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something.
{{line}}
:'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG!
===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''===
===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''===
===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''===
:''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]''
:'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]''
:'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet.
:''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]''
:'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along?
:'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful.
:'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': But now…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed.
:'''Eubie''': Aw.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow.
===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''===
===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''===
:''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that!
:'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew!
:'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show!
:'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon.
:'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular.
===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''===
:'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero.
:'''All''': Wow!
===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''===
==''Calling All Heroes''==
:''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]''
:'''Kip''': My hat!
:'''Twinkle''': My tiara!
:'''Wayne''': My pizza!
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, no!
:'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain.
{{line}}
:'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains.
:''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]''
:'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain!
:'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time.
:'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy!
:''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]''
:'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay.
:'''Fran''': That was a close one.
:'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets?
:'''Kip''': I think so. Why?
:'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?!
{{line}}
:'''Mayor Alesana''': Please get off the streets and go indoors as quickly as you can! Repeat, get off the streets! ''[pushes Jessi inside as she flutters her arms as a pizza base drops]''
{{line}}
:''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]''
:'''Bitty''': Kip?
:'''Kip''': Mom!
:'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie!
:'''Bitty''': Are you all right?
:'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead.
:'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out.
:'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried!
:'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside.
===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''===
===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''===
===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''===
:'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears.
===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''===
==External Links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
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'''''[[w:Higglytown Heroes|Higglytown Heroes]]''''' is an American computer-animated children's television series that premiered on September 12, 2004 and on January 7, 2008 in the United States. More episodes are coming soon.
==''Season 1''==
===''Up A Tree / Missing Grandpop''===
:'''Jennifer Whiskers''': She must be lost!
:'''All''': LOST?!
===''Twinkle Tooth / Flower Power''===
:[''[[w:Twinkle (Higglytown Heroes)|Twinkle]] gasps'']
:'''[[w:Eubie (Higglytown Heroes)|Eubie]]''': What’s wrong, Twinkle? ''[cuts to Twinkle]''
:'''Twinkle''': My tooth! It’s- it’s loose!
:'''[[w:Wayne (Higglytown Heroes)|Wayne]]''': Oh No! Somebody do something!
:'''Eubie''': It’s okay, Twinkle. All kids loose their baby teeth.
:'''Twinkle''': They do?
===''Flappy's Not Happy / Electric Evening''===
===''Smooth Operator / Sticky Situation''===
:'''Bitty''': ''[goes over the phone and answers it]'' Hello?
:'''Eubie''': I wonder who's calling.
:'''[[w:Kip (Higglytown Heroes)|Kip]]''': With a phone call, it could be ''anybody.''
:'''Wayne''': I hope it's not my mom calling because she found those brussel sprouts in the umbrella stand.
:''[A 2D animated sequence in a thought cloud shows Plunkie calling Bitty, dumping brussel sprouts out of the umbrella stand]''
:'''Plunkie''': I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation, Bitty. I just don't know what it is.
{{line}}
:'''Bitty''': ''[hangs up; to the kids]'' That was Grandma-ma. I have to take her to visit Aunt Susie this afternoon, so I won't be able to help make macaroni hats after all. I'm very sorry, kids. I know I said I would, but I really have to go with Grandma-ma.
:'''Twinkle''': And I thought we were going to have a lot of fun today.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, fun.
===''Weather or Not / Green In the Gills''===
:'''Twinkle''': That's prettier than a unicorn dressed up like a princess. Oh, I love a breezy breeze.
:'''Kids''': Whoa!
:'''Wayne''': Whoopsie.
:''[barrel crash]''
:'''[[w:Fran (Higglytown Heroes)|Fran]]''': Oh, no!
:'''Kids''': Whoa!
:'''Wayne''': Stop that barrel!
:''[barrel crash again]''
:'''Fran''': ''[sadly]'' My barrel's broken, and all my acorns all gone. Acorn day is runied. I need a time out.
==''Halloween Heroes''==
:'''Fran''': It’s when all the ghosts and goblins and monsters come out for spooky fun. ''[cuts to the kids]''
:'''Wayne''': There aren’t really any monsters, are there, Fran?
:'''Fran''': Oh, don’t worry, Wayne. There’s no such thing as… ''[cuts to Uncle Lemmo opening the door with a Jack-o’-lantern to scare the kids]'' '''MONSTERS!!!!!!!'''
:''[zooms at Uncle Lemmo, cuts to the kids scream in terror, cuts back to Uncle Lemmo dropping his pumpkin after screaming in fear, cuts back to the kids]''
:'''All''': Uncle Lemmo?! ''[move to Uncle Lemmo after he was revealed, cuts to the kids moving to t have a conversation with Uncle Lemmo]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Oh, kids! You nearly startled me right outta my pants.
:'''Eubie''': We thought you were a pumpkin monster!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Nope, just being my Jack'o'lantern. Ugh, looks like I'm gonna have to carve a new one now. ''[scene wipes to Uncle Lemmo carving another Jack'o'Lantern]''
:'''Twinkle''': Why do we make Jack o lanterns on Halloween, anyway?
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Do you kids mean to tell me that you’ve never heard the story of the first Jack’o’Lantern?
:'''Eubie''': Nuh-uh!
:'''Kip''': Tell us!
:'''Twinkle''': Please tell us, Uncle Lemmo!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': It all started in Higglytown a long, long time ago.
:'''Black Cat''': ''[meows]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Every year in Higglytown had a big Halloween Party.
:'''Albert the Vampire''': ''[as Plunkie departures him]'' Ugh!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Jennifer Whiskers''': ''[sniffs, then pinches her nose]'' Eew… ''[walks away from Jake the archer and Albert the vampire]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Now- back then, they were five friends. And just like everyone else in Higglytown, these friends couldn’t wait for Halloween!
:'''Kip''': I’m a robot!
:'''Twinkle''': A princess.
:'''Eubie''': A walrus!
:'''Fran''': A bat!
:'''Wayne''': An Alien-Clown-Cowboy, imagine that!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Of course I can, I’m a scary monster, and scary monsters are very mean! ''[shakes Fran the bat]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, well, I suppose you’re right about that!
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[takes Fran the bat to his Pumpkin Castle]'' Bwaaaah!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': ''[gets the pumpkin key, then runs down the stairs making monster noises]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Eubie''': I’m phoning a friend. ''[Bernice’s phone rings]''
:'''Bernice''': Hello.
:'''Eubie''': Hi, Bernice. I was wondering if you could do us a really big favor.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Wayne''': Agh! ''[hides inside Eubie, then they walk up to the pumpkin castle]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Fran''': There's just one problem.
:'''Twinkle''': What is that?
:'''Fran''': The Pumpkin Monster is STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!!!!
:'''Eubie, Wayne, Twinkle, Kip and the Pumpkin Monster''': AAAH!!!!!!!
:''[they hide inside themselves]''
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': So, you thought you could come and rescue Fran the bat? Hahaha.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Where did I put that key? ''[pulls out the umbrella]'' No that's not it. ''[throws the umbrella away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a seat]'' Oh no. That's a chair. ''[throws a seat away. Next: the Pumpkin Monster pulls out a French Horn then he plays lively jazz music with the French Horn then throws the French Horn away.]'' Nope. ''[pulls out the key, which is correct]'' Aha!
:'''Eubie''': We’e on our way, Fran!
:'''Kip''': I’ve got the key, Fran!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Friends sound terrific! Ah. If only I had some.
:'''Eubie''': You silly monster! We’ll be your friend.
:'''Pumpkin Monster''': Hot Diggity!
===''Smells Like a Mystery / Ship Ahoy!''===
Down, Boy. Down!
Hal, Stucky. Hal!
No, Huggy. No!
{{line}}
:'''Fripp''': My hot dog cart is gone!
:'''Kip''': It was here just a minute ago.
:'''Wayne''': Where could it be?
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': ''[after Fripp sings his Hot Dog Cart Blues song; sniffs sadly]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard.
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': It’s coming from the park zoo.
:'''Kip''': Let’s go!
:''[the kids walking at the zoo park with seal appears]''
:'''Eubie''': Hey, that's not a hot dog cart!
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, that's a seal.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Wow, are you a Higglytown Hero?
:'''Policewoman''': Sure. But you know else is a Higglytown Hero? Our police dog, Jiffy.
===''All Tire'd Out / Great Un-expectations''===
:'''Wayne''': When in doubt, pack everything. When it comes to the beach, you can never be too prepared.
{{line}}
:''[As the kids and Plunkie head on their way to the beach, the car gets a flat tire and comes to a stop in the middle of the road, and the kids cover their eyes]''
:'''Fran''': Oh my goodness gracious!
:'''Eubie''': Is it thunder? Is it a monster?
:'''Wayne''': Don't answer. I don't want to know!
:'''Plunkie''': Oh, it's nothing to be afraid of.
:'''Fran''': It's just a flat tire.
:'''Plunkie''': ''[hops out of the car and inspects the tire]'' Oh!
:'''Twinkle''': Mom, does this mean we're not going to the beach?
===''Soup With Stars / The Happy Friendly Sparkly Toast Club''===
===''First Snow / Snow Dazed''===
:'''Kip''': I can't wear pink, with ribbons.
:'''Twinkle''': Well, ''I'' want to wear pink, not green.
:'''Wayne''': This jacket is itchy.
:'''Eubie''': ''[shivering and freezing]'' Um… I'm kind of cold.
:'''Fran''': Nice try, Higgly kids. But I don't think this is gonna work now.
:'''Wayne''': Oh. How will we ever get bigger clothes?
===''Catch Up With Ketchup / Star Struck''===
:'''Twinkle''': Ooh. It's raining marshmallows!
:''[Two marshmallows land on Wayne's glasses]''
:'''Kip''': Wayne, you got marshmallow on your glasses.
:'''Wayne''': Uh, I can't see. Everything looks like it's covered in marshmallows.
:'''Eubie''': ''[takes Wayne's glasses off his eyes]'' Maybe I can wipe your glasses off with my shirt.
:'''Kip''': No. We can take them inside and wash them off.
:'''Wayne''': Wait! I only clean them with my special cleaning cloth. ''[runs into Eubie and Kip, and accidentally breaks his glasses]''
:'''Eubie and Kip''': Uh-oh!
:'''Wayne''': What happened?
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, no! Wayne! Your glasses are broken!
:'''Wayne''': Broken?! I can't wear my glasses if they're broken! And if I can't wear my glasses, I can't see clearly! ''[in his POV, his vision is all blurry]'' It looks… blurry. Like I'm opening my eyes underwater. If everything is blurry, then I'm not gonna be able to see the shooting stars! What am I gonna do?
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': Oh, that's a mighty fine idea, Twinkle. Yes, sir, but I'm afraid that lenses made of ice would just melt.
:'''Twinkle''': Aw, pickles. ''[snaps fingers in disappointment]''
==''Twinkle's Wish''==
===''Twinkle's Masterpiece / The Egg-cellent Adventure''===
:'''Wayne''': ''[curiously]'' Gee, Mom. Don't we even get a hint where we're going?
:'''Plunkie''': No. I told you-- it's a surprise. You'll see when we get there.
:'''Fran''': Can anyone guess where we're going?
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, I hope we're going to the pink puppy poodle palace so we can see all the pink poodles.
:'''Plunkie''': You don't have to guess anymore, kids. We're here! ''[they arrive at an artist's house]'' This is where my friend Nikki lives. She's an artist, and she's gonna give you art lessons.
:'''Twinkle''': Art lessons?
:'''Kids''': Cool!
:''[A moment later, they stand in front of the front door as Nikki, a blind artist, answers]''
:'''Nikki''': Wow. You're right on time! Hey there, future artists. I'm Nikki.
:'''Kids''': Hi, Nikki.
{{line}}
:'''Phil''': Ooh, looks like I'll be juggling melons again.
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': Grandpop Crank? ''You're'' a Higglytown Hero?
===''Wayne's Ripping Adventure / Meet Eubie's Cousin''===
:'''Kip''': Wow, Twinkle. You're going to be great at your recital.
:'''Eubie''': So a recital is when you perform in front of a lot of people?
:'''Fran''': That's right, Eubie.
:'''Twinkle''': I wish you could all come, but this recital is only for family members, like my mom and Wayne.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. I can't wait to go.
{{line}}
:'''Plunkie''': ''[reminding Wayne]'' Remember that tonight is a special night for Twinkle. I want you to look your best. So once you put on your good clothes, be careful to keep them nice and clean.
:'''Wayne''': Don't worry, Mom. I will.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': ''[horrified when he accidentally rips his pants]'' Oh, no! I've ripped my good pants! ''[sadly]'' Mom said I have to look nice in my good clothes if I want to go to Twinkle's recital. What am I gonna do? ''[starts singing his Ripped Pants Blues song] ♪ When I woke up this morning, the sun was in the sky
:''When I looked in the mirror,''
:''I sure was lookin' fine!''
:''It was the day of the recital: my sister's ballet debut''
:''I'll never see her dance now 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues''
:''My mom said, "Be careful." She said, "Stay nice and clean."''
:''When she sees what I've done here, she's gonna turn a sickly green!''
:''My best pants are in tatters, and my shirt is dirty too!''
:''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants, can't go blues''
:''I tried to be careful, I just made one mistake''
:''The rest of the family's going, but I'm gonna miss Swan Lake''
:''Now my whole life is ruined, and my heart is broken too''
:''I'm gonna miss the ballet 'cause of the ripped pants… can't go blues''
:''Yeah… ♪''
:'''Eubie''': ''[remorsefully after the song ends]'' That's the saddest song I've ever heard.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': Please don't be mad, Twinkle. I really wanted to look nice for your recital. It was an accident.
===''Say What? / Higgly Harmonies''===
:'''Twinkle''': ''[plays her Flamingo Cello]'' How was that, mom?
===''Patty Cake / Having a Ball''===
:'''Wayne''': Yeah, If they don't get more bread, well never to make our sandwiches. and If they don't get make sandwiches, well never to go on our picnic!
===''Wayne's Good Guess / Wayne's 100 Special Somethings''===
===''Fran Takes a Hike / Mystery at Kip's House''===
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?! ''[a thumping noise is heard again, everyone screams in terror]''
:'''Eubie''': If only there was someone special to help us!
:'''Wayne''': ''[pops up then sings]'' Someone special, who could it be?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[singing]'' This job’s too big for you and me!
:'''Fran''': We need some help!
:'''Kip''': But never fear-o!
===''Bright Sights, Big City / Kip's Shadow''===
:''[The Higgly kids, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter, and Jax are riding an express train heading to Higgly Biggly City]''
:'''Fran''': Goodness gumballs! You kids sure are excited about this trip to Higgly Biggly City.
:'''Twinkle''': Of course! Higgly Biggly City is the only place you can see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live!''
:'''Eubie''': Thanks for taking us, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter.
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Of course, Eubie.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's our pleasure.
:'''Jax''': It sure was great to visit you guys in Higglytown, but now I can't wait for you all to see ''my'' home city.
:'''Kip''': And I can't wait to see ''Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters Live.''
:'''Wayne''': Me, too. It's supposed to be the best show on Higglyway, and it has ''all'' the Happy, Hairy, Higgly Monsters!
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': It’s the Happy Hairy Higgly Monsters!
:'''Alan''': Hi, kids! You here to see the show?
:'''Wayne''': You better believe it!
:'''Alan''': So come on! Let’s go!
{{line}}
:''[The gang arrives at the theater on Higglyway for the show, only to find that it isn't open yet]''
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Gee, it looks like…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': The theater isn't open yet.
:'''Kids''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[checks the time on her watch]'' The show doesn't start…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': ''[checks the time on his watch]'' For another few hours.
:'''Jax''': I've got an idea. Since we have plenty of time, why don't we go see the Higgly Biggly City sights?
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Why, Jax, I declare I think that's… a super-dupity idea.
{{line}}
:'''Uncle Zooter''': The next bus that goes to Higgly Way…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Won’t arrive for 15 minutes, and we only have 10 minutes!
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Which is less then 15 minutes!
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': Can you take a bride and groom to a fancy ballroom?
:'''Taxi Driver Hero''': I'd love to!
:'''Wayne''': Or drive a bobcat to a laundromat?
:'''Taxi Driver Hero''': If he's got the fare.
{{line}}
:'''Carrie, Wally, Sanderson, Morty and Alan''': Happy Monsters, Hairy Monsters, Happy Hairy Higgly Monsters!
:'''Alan''': Live on Higgly Way! ''[gives himself a wink]''
===''Kip Joins the Circus / Baby Boom''===
:'''Twinkle''': What’s that?
:'''Fran''': Everyone’s already run for cover.
:'''Twinkle''': Aw pickles. ''[runs for cover with the others]''
:'''Wayne''': Why did it have to rain? How can we have our circus in the rain?
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Don’t worry, Wayne. I think it’s just a little shower. Look! The rain’s lighten up already. ''[the Higgly Kids look at the rain lighting up]''
:'''Kip''': Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get back to the Fricky Frack Funhouse circus! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! ''[a storm clap is heard]'' Or maybe we could wait a little longer. ''[a thunder clap hits Fricky Frack Funhouse setting it on fire]''
:'''Twinkle''': Oh no! Look! Fricky Frack Funhouse is on fire! ''[zooms to Fricky Frack Funhouse on fire]''
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': This is terrible! We can’t let Fricky Frack Funhouse burnt down!
:'''Wayne''': Can somebody do something?!
:'''Eubie''': We really need the help of someone special right away!
===''Twinkle's Favorite Author / Don't Fence Me In''===
:'''Pizza Guy''': '''''LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!!!'''
:'''Kip''': Oh, no the pizza!
:'''Library Man''': The library!
:'''Twinkle''': And worst of all, PJ Butternut is trapped inside!
{{line}}:
:'''Uncle Lemmo and Gloria''': What? It’s my fence!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': If it’s your fence, what’s it doing on my property?
:'''Gloria''': It’s not on your property, it’s on my property! And I’m painting my fence on my property yellow!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Purple!
:'''Gloria''': Yellow!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': PURPLE!
:'''Gloria''': Yellow!
===''Higgly Hoedown / Eubie's Turbo Sled''===
===''Kip's Sweet Tooth / Wayne's Lollipop''===
:'''Kip''': Chocolate on chocolate? Way to go, Wayne.
:'''Wayne''': But you haven't seen my secret ingredient. I call it, my "Choco-toast-tastic ice cream sandwich sundae."
:'''Kip''': Nice going, Eubie. I hope it tastes as good as it looks.
:'''Eubie''': My secret ingredient: lucky 4-leaf clover cookie for good luck.
:'''Kip''': Ha! That's one nutty sundae, Fran.
:'''Fran''': Oh, the nuttier the better, I always say.
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': Kip, I don’t think the ice cream’s the problem. I think the problem is your tooth.
:'''Kip''': My tooth? How can I fix it?
:'''Fran''': Well-
{{line}}
:'''Dentist Hero''': So, what's the problem, Kip? ''[Kip mumbles indistinctly with his mouth wide open]'' Sorry, Kip. I can't understand what you're saying.
:'''Bitty''': (He said) He tried to eat some ice cream, but every time he took a bite, it hurt.
:'''Dentist Hero''': Well, I have to take a close look at your teeth, but it sounds like you might have a cavity.
:'''Kip''': A ''cavity?!''
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': ''[witnessing a gigantic rainbow lollipop]'' Wow! That's a really big lollipop!
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': A gargantuan giant lollipop is what I call it.
:'''Wayne''': It's got so many colors.
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': Every color of the rainbow, and each one's a different flavor on the tongue. Green is sublimely lime. Red is raucous raspberry. Blue is…
:'''Twinkle''': Catch it!
:'''Kip''': I got it! I got it!
:'''Eubie''': Excuse me.
:'''Wayne''': The blue is blueberry?
:'''Candy Cart Owner''': Burstin' blueberry. That swirl of yellow is lipsmackin' lemon, and the purple is…
:'''Wayne''': Grape-jelly grape. Those are all my favorite flavors.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Wow! That's the biggest jumbo lollipop I've ever seen!
:'''Twinkle''': It's gonna take you forever to lick.
:'''Eubie''': Or even longer.
{{line}}
:'''Fran''': My, oh, my, that's one colorful idea there, Twinkle. But the thing is, Higglytown's kinda low on Leprechauns this time of year, don't ya know?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw…pickles.
:'''Wayne''': This is terrible. If I can't find a way to get this lollipop out of my hair, it's gonna be stuck on my head forever. What am I gonna do?!
===''Kip's Dad Gets a Strike / A Really Hot Day''===
:'''Fripp''': '''STOP THAT BALL!!!'''
:'''[[w:Pizza Guy (Higglytown Heroes)|Pizza Guy]]''': This looks like a job for Pizza Guy!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pizza Guy''': ''[passing the Nacho Brothers: Vince, Stephen and Alex on his skateboard]'' Sorry, Nacho Brothers! Almost there! Almost there!
:''[X-57 Strike King ball crash]''
:'''Fripp''': ''[sadly]'' Oh, no. My X-57 Strike King. It's broken.
===''Higgly Frog Day / Eubie's Ele-fantastic Adventure''===
:'''Kip''': I wonder where Fran is. She said she was gonna meet us here.
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. Where could she be?
:'''Fran''': ''[hopping towards the kids, wearing a frog hat]'' Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit. Don't ya know?
:'''Twinkle''': Fran, why are you wearing that hat?
:'''Fran''': Oh, my wiggly whiskers. You kids didn't forget, did you?
:'''Wayne''': Forget what?
:'''Fran''': Why, it's Higgly Frog Day!
:'''Eubie''': Higgly Frog Day?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[remembers]'' Oh, yeah! I remember! Lots of higgly frogs live in Higgly Swamp. But during the winter, it gets too cold for that. So every winter, the higgly frogs hop south where it's nice and warm.
:'''Fran''': But after winter is over, the higgly frogs return to their homes in Higgly Swamp on this very same day every year.
:'''Twinkle''': And they hop right through Higglytown on their way to the swamp.
:'''Fran''': That's right. So every year, Higglytown holds a big celebration in the town square to welcome the higgly frogs as they pass through Higglytown on their way to their swampy homes.
:'''Kip''': Well, let's get to the town square. Let's go, let's go, let's go!
{{line}}
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': The frogs are on their way! Let's start the parade, I say!
{{line}}
:''[As the higgly frogs hop down the street, they soon get stuck in all the confetti and streamers]''
:'''Eubie''': The higgly frogs can't hop through all the confetti and streamers.
:'''Fran''': They sure can't. That's one big mess out there in the street. You betcha.
:'''Wayne''': This is terrible! The higgly frogs can't hop through all this trash. We need to think of some way to get rid of it.
:'''Eubie''': But how?
:'''Twinkle''': ''[gets an idea]'' Oh! Oh! I know, I know, I know! First, we make a big stack of flippy floppy flapjacks. The flying fluffy frog fairies can come eat up all the flippy floppy flapjacks. The flippy floppy flapjacks will give the flying fluffy frog fairies the magical energy they need to change all the trash into little tiny bugs.
:'''Wayne''': Wait a second. I don't think I like this plan.
:'''Twinkle''': Why not?
:'''Wayne''': I don't want all those flies flying around.
:'''Twinkle''': They won't. Because higgly frogs love to eat up all the bugs they can. Then the trash will be all gone and the higgly frogs will happily hop off to Higgly Swamp with happy, full frogs tummies.
:'''Fran''': That's one magical idea there, Twinkle. But there's just one problem. Flying fluffy frog fairies don't like flippy floppy flapjacks.
:'''Twinkle''': ''[snaps her fingers in disappointment]'' Aw, pickles.
:'''Kip''': We could clean the trash up. But there's too much. It'll take us forever to clean all this up.
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do? We have to get all this trash cleaned up or the higgly frogs are never gonna get to Higgly Swamp.
:'''Eubie''': As Higgly Frog hop-along leader, I declare that we need the help of someone special.
{{line}}
:'''Eubie''': Could you sweep a thousand pies if they're falling from the skies?
:'''Kip''': Can you clean up the grime of a sticky monster's slime?
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': ''♪ Monster slime or falling pie / You can wave them all bye-bye / Cleaning up is what I do / On any street or avenue ♪''
{{line}}
:'''Twinkle''': Thanks, Ms. Street Sweeper.
:'''Kip''': We never could've cleared up the streets without you.
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': Shucks. I'm glad to help out the higgly frogs. Besides, I was just doing my job. Keeping Higglytown clean helps make it a great place to live.
:'''Wayne''': It sure does.
:'''Street Sweeper Hero''': But remember, everyone, cleaning up is great. But it's even better to keep things clean in the first place. So if you remember not to litter, you can be…
:'''Kids''': Higglytown Heroes!
===''Wayne's Letter Factory / Live at the Birthday Lounges''===
==''Season 2''==
===''Twinkle, Twinkle Little Fish / All the Wrong Moves''===
===''Kip Gets Swing Fever / Wayne's Pieces of Gold''===
===''All Warm Inside / Calling All Ducks''===
:'''Kip''': My Flylophone sounds just as good as the last time it buzzed. ''[hears bongo noises and then, Fran pops out playing her bongos]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, and my bongo drums sound mighty funky, yes sir!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Pizza Guy''': Can I bring my Electric Pizza-lin?
:'''Kip''': Sure! The more instruments the better.
:'''Pizza Guy''': Totally radical! Yeah! Whoo!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Wayne''': I got my Wayneatone! ''[plays it, and then Twinkle pops out with her Flamingo Cello]''
:'''Twinkle''': And I got my Flamingo Cello! ''[plays it]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Eubie''': Oh, Bouncylodeon! How I’ve missed you! ''[gets it on the wagon, Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter arrive]''
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Our Loop-o-Pop-o-Squeak-o-Phone…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Is gonna sound great on the lake!
===''The Totally Secret Valentine / A Valentine for Ms. Fern''===
===''Cry Baby Pookie / Wait for Me''===
:''[The Higgly kids and Bitty enter Pookie's room to surprise her as she's woken up from her nap]''
:'''Wayne''': ''[whispering]'' I wonder what Pookie's gonna say when we tell her it's her birthday.
:'''Twinkle''': ''[whispering]'' I know. She's gonna say, "Goo-goo ga-ga, kee-kee!"
:'''Kids''': ''[whispering]'' Happy Birthday, Pookie.
:''[Pookie suddenly starts crying]''
:'''Eubie''': Oh, no. Pookie's crying.
:'''Twinkle''': What happened to the "Goo ga-ga, kee-kee?"
:'''Wayne''': Oopsie. Did we do something wrong?
:'''Bitty''': No. It's not your fault, kids. Babies often cry when they wake up from their naps. Sometimes they just want be held. ''[picks up Pookie from her bed for comfort]'' Watch. There, there, Pookie-poo. Mommy's here. Everything's all right.
:''[Pookie cries louder]''
:'''Kip''': She's still crying, Mom.
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Poor Pookie. She's supposed to be happy on her birthday, not sad.
:'''Twinkle''': What if only there was some way we could make her smile?
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': If Pookie doesn't stop crying, she won't have a happy birthday. And if Pookie doesn't have a happy birthday--
:'''Twinkle''': She'll have a sad birthday & that is not fun to play with.
===''Balloon-a-palooza / Wayne's Day Out''===
==''The Fran In the Moon''==
===''Me and My Shadow / Out to Sea''===
:'''Kip''': Give me that flag!
:'''Twinkle''': ''[giggles]'' He thinks it's a game.
:'''Kip''': But it's not a game. ''[annoyed]'' Uhh! Shadow, listen to me! Stop right now!
:'''Eubie''': Um, Kip, Shadow's not stopping.
:'''Wayne''': He's not doing ''anything'' you say.
:'''Kip''': I know. What am I gonna do?
{{line}}
:'''Ms. Fern''': Down, Shadow! Down!
:'''Kip''': Sorry, Ms. Fern. I tried to control Shadow all morning, but I guess I just can't.
:'''Wayne''': This is awful! Our tower is toppled! Our classroom is a mess!
:'''Twinkle''': There's dog slobber everywhere.
:'''Wayne''': What are we gonna do?
===''Don't Wayne On My Parade / Twinkle's Terrific Twirl''===
===''Wayne's Big, Big Discovery / Dirigible Day''===
==''The Legend of Higgsquatch''==
===''Eubie's Big Boat Float / A Slippery Situation''===
==''Higgly Island''==
===''Corn to Be Wild / Overnight Moose''===
===''Shear Luck / Big Night Out''===
===''Kip's Rocket Rescue / Let's Get Moving''===
:''[The Higgly kids arrive at Kip's grandparent's house with some boxes sitting in front]''
:'''Kip''': Grandpa-pa! Grandma-ma!
:'''Grandpa-pa''': Hey there, Kip.
:'''Grandma-ma''': It's so good to see you.
:'''Kip''': It's good to see you, too.
:'''Grandma-ma''': What brings you kids here today?
:'''Kip''': We came up here to get some cardboard boxes so we can make a pizza palace for our backyard Higgly Biggly City.
:'''Fripp''': Aw, sorry, Kip. But Grandpa-pa and Grandma-ma need all their cardboard boxes. Today is the day they're moving.
:'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': Moving?!
:'''Kip''': I knew you were moving, but I didn't know you were moving today.
:'''Wayne''': But we don't want you to move away.
:'''Kip''': Don't worry. They're not moving far away, just to a brand new house in another part of Higglytown.
:'''Eubie, Wayne & Twinkle''': A brand-new house?
{{line}}
:'''Fripp''': ''[takes an old baseball glove off the shelf]'' Wow. There are so many memories down here. Hard to believe you're packing up and moving out of the house I grew up in.
:'''Kip''': ''[finds a baby photo album and blows off the dust]'' What's this, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': Hey, it's my baby photo album. I bet there's lots of great memories in there.
:'''Kip''': ''[opens the photo album and finds a photo of Baby Fripp]'' Is that you, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': It sure is.
:'''Grandma-ma''': Why, that's your father back when he was a brand new, tiny baby. ''[turns the page to more Baby Fripp photos]''
:'''Eubie''': You sure were a cute baby, Mr. Kip's Dad.
:'''Twinkle''': Yeah! You were a cutesy wootsey wootsey woo.
:''[Everyone else laughs as Fripp frowns in embarrassment]''
:'''Grandma-ma''': Your dad used to like it when I'd say, "Gootchie gootchie wah wah."
:'''Fripp''': Sorry, everyone, but we have to pack this, too.
===''Calling All Cars! / Amazing Museum''===
===''Frozen Fish Follies / Look Who's Squawking''===
===''Eubie's Pink Dots / Two Bees or Not Two Bees''===
===''Wayne's Day to Shine / Wayne Listens Up''===
:'''Wayne''': ''[slips]'' Whoa, whoa!
:''[Wayne knocks off the ladder then, the bottom of the ladder pushes the paint buckets]''
:'''All''': ''[gasp after they got paint all over themselves]'' Our Costumes!
:'''Wayne''': Heh, whoopsie!
===''A Hopping Popping Problem / Hay Hay Hay!''===
==''Season 3''==
===''Happy Campers / All Washed Out''===
===''Hats All Folks / Hop Hop Hooray''===
===''Shuffleboard Buddies / All Mapped Out''===
===''12-Pie Abe / The Day the Dinner Stood Still''===
:'''Longest Beard Mike''': Look! Aliens from another planet! I told ya! Didn’t I tell ya?! I told ya!
===''Saturday Night Higgly / Monster Sandwiches''===
:'''Eubie''': ''[to Kip as Fripp continues hopping nonstop with the CD skipping]'' Um, Kip, what's wrong with your dad?
:'''Wayne''': Yeah. Why won't he stop hopping?
{{line}}
:'''Kip''': Are you okay, Dad?
:'''Fripp''': I'm fine. But look at this CD. It's covered with scratches. And without ''Freddy Fever Disco Beaver,'' my dancing days are over.
:'''Wayne''': Say it isn't so! You practiced so hard. Plus, I skipped my toast break so I'd have extra room… for the Banana Horn! What are we gonna do?!
:'''Eubie''': Um, get someone special to help us?
{{line}}
:'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ We're musicians, clap your hands / We play instruments in our band / Bringing you joy is our goal / With Rock / Jazz / Disco / And Soul! ♪''
:'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ We practice songs every day / 'Cause we love to sing and play / Note for note and beat to beat / You'll be dancing cheek to cheek ♪''
:'''Wayne''': Could you play some cool bebop for some hep cats and their pops?
:'''Twinkle''': Could you whisk away the blues for a tortoise with the flu?
:'''Musician Hero #1''': ''♪ Blues for reptiles, jazz for cats / Our music is where it's at ♪''
:'''Musician Hero #2''': ''♪ Music is a happy sound / Loved the whole wide world around ♪''
===''The Big Pink Elephant Sale / Higglies On Horseback''===
===''Easy to Get Sneezy / Unlock the Magic''===
:'''Plunkie''': Allergic is when you have a ''bad'' reaction to something.
{{line}}
:'''Jessi''': My wig! ''[laughs maniacally]'' MY WIG!
===''Buki Buki Boo Boo / Signs of Spring''===
===''Wayne's Cycle Recycle / Wayne's Wet Pet''===
===''X Marks the Spot! / Eubie's View''===
:''[Eubie is finishing up his painting of the beautiful sunset on the easel before going to bed]''
:'''Flappy''': Beautiful! ''[squawks]'' Beautiful! ''[whistles]''
:'''Eubie''': It sure is, Flappy. This might be the best sunset yet.
:''[Aunt Mellie and Uncle Zooter enter his bedroom]''
:'''Uncle Zooter''': How's the painting…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Coming along?
:'''Eubie''': Almost finished. There! All done!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': ''[amazed]'' Why, Eubie, darling.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's simply beautiful.
:'''Flappy''': Beautiful! Beautiful!
:'''Aunt Mellie''': But now…
:'''Uncle Zooter''': It's time for you to go to bed.
:'''Eubie''': Aw.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': Don't worry, Eubie. There will be…
:'''Aunt Mellie''': Another sunset tomorrow.
===''Wing-a-ding Whirly Box / Windy Watchers''===
===''Choo Choo Zucchini / Something Ducky Going On''===
:''[The Higgly Kids gasp in surprise at their zucchini's enormous size when they enter the backyard]''
:'''Fran''': Oh, get your peppers around that!
:'''Wayne''': Our little seed grew, grew, grew!
:'''Kip''': Come on! Let's put in Eubie's wagon and take it to the show!
:'''Eubie''': Uh-oh! I don't think Mr. Zucchini is going to fit in my wagon.
:'''Fran''': Nope. That veggie's gonna need a special delivery.
{{line}}
:'''Wayne''': If we don't find something strong enough, fast enough, and big enough, we're never gonna get Mr. Zucchini to corn county in time for the Fruit and Veggie Spectacular.
===''Fripp's Flip-flap Flop / Say Cheese''===
:'''Wayne and Twinkle''': Uncle Lemmo?!
:'''Uncle Lemmo''': Yep, I’m a Higglytown Hero.
:'''All''': Wow!
===''Canyon Capers / Highcountry Hiccups''===
==''Calling All Heroes''==
:''[While setting up the party decorations in the backyard to celebrate Wayne's birthday, a flash of thunder and lightning strikes and a strong wind starts blowing away all the decorations]''
:'''Kip''': My hat!
:'''Twinkle''': My tiara!
:'''Wayne''': My pizza!
:'''Twinkle''': Oh, no!
:'''Plunkie''': Quickly, everybody! Help grab what you can and hop indoors before it starts to rain.
{{line}}
:'''Plunkie''': What a terrible storm! We should stay away from the window in case it rains.
:''[Thunder and lightning strike from the dark grey clouds]''
:'''Twinkle''': Here comes the rain!
:'''Plunkie''': I'm just glad we all managed to get indoors in time.
:'''Kip''': Oh, no! Look at Pizza Guy!
:''[Pizza Guy drives through the storm, steering out of control and pizza pellets fly out from the back of his van]''
:'''Eubie''': I hope Pizza Guy is okay.
:'''Fran''': That was a close one.
:'''Wayne''': But wait a second. I just thought of something. Didn't Pizza Guy say you're only supposed to add "one" drop of water to his pizza pellets?
:'''Kip''': I think so. Why?
:'''Wayne''': Because all of his pizza pellets just went flying out into the storm! What's gonna happen when those pellets get soaking wet?!
{{line}}
:'''Mayor Alesana''': Please get off the streets and go indoors as quickly as you can! Repeat, get off the streets! ''[pushes Jessi inside as she flutters her arms as a pizza base drops]''
{{line}}
:''[After the horrible storm leaves Higglytown, Kip and Eubie reunite with their families]''
:'''Bitty''': Kip?
:'''Kip''': Mom!
:'''Aunt Millie''': Eubie!
:'''Bitty''': Are you all right?
:'''Aunt Millie''': We tried callin'.
:'''Uncle Zooter''': But all the phones in town are dead.
:'''Fripp''': Then we had to wait till the storm was over until we could head out.
:'''Bitty''': Oh, we've been so worried!
:'''Plunkie''': Don't worry. We've all been safe inside.
===''Happy Flappy Birthday / Cuckoo County Cawcaw Contest''===
===''Little Big Fish / Good Sports''===
===''Tis' the Season to Be Snowy / Bingo Bongos''===
:'''Fripp''': That’s one hippity-hop idea, Twinkle. But hopping cave hippos like to live in caves where it’s nice and quiet. Bringing them to a concert might hurt their ears.
===''Wayne's Toasty Invention / Spell It Safe''===
==External Links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
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'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
* ''Vet Detective" (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present)
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)
'''<big>Former Programming</big>'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' (123cine.to)
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen''
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth''
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld''
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts''
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island''
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Man, Woman, Dog''
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved "No English")
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise''
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co,
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King''
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home= {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger''
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved)
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile'' nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam'' ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants''
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions''
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''
'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees
* ''Born in Africa''
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough*
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co)
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net,
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side''
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net,
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies228.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' azmovies.net
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*, azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place''
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to/123cine.to
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family & Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family & Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to)
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo''
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil''
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}
'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small & Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars''
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden''
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India''
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls & Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo & Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes''
* ''The Great Shark Chase''
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed & Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life''
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia" azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True & Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}
===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
d2m9me59qrmq76pc4noe2f2cke4xux3
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/* G */
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text/x-wiki
'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
* ''Vet Detective" (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present)
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)
'''<big>Former Programming</big>'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' (123cine.to)
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen''
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth''
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld''
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts''
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island''
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Man, Woman, Dog''
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved "No English")
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise''
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co,
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King''
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home= {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger''
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved)
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile'' nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam'' ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants''
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions''
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''
'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees
* ''Born in Africa''
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough*
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co)
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net,
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side''
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net,
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies228.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' azmovies.net
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*, azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place''
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to/123cine.to
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family & Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family & Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to)
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo''
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil''
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}
'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small & Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars''
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden''
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India''
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls & Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo & Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes''
* ''The Great Shark Chase''
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed & Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life''
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia" azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True & Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}
===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
qr2f5caara70o9ednnkloi0i5y7cfmn
3935219
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/* I */
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'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
* ''Vet Detective" (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present)
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)
'''<big>Former Programming</big>'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' (123cine.to)
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen''
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth''
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld''
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts''
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island''
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Man, Woman, Dog''
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved "No English")
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise''
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co,
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King''
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home= {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger''
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved)
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile'' nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam'' ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants''
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions''
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''
'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees
* ''Born in Africa''
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough*
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co)
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net,
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side''
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net,
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies228.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' azmovies.net
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*, azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place''
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to/123cine.to
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family & Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family & Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to)
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo''
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil''
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}
'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small & Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars''
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden''
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India''
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls & Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo & Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes''
* ''The Great Shark Chase''
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed & Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life''
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia" azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True & Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}
===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
b9hxhe1ax0s3zai74k40w4zvgu2thcx
3935228
3935219
2026-05-01T01:58:10Z
Sandi74645
3160827
/* Y */
3935228
wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
* ''Vet Detective" (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present)
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)
'''<big>Former Programming</big>'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' (123cine.to)
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen''
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth''
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld''
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts''
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island''
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies''
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Man, Woman, Dog''
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved "No English")
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise''
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co,
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King''
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home= {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger''
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved)
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile'' nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam'' ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants''
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions''
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''
'''<big>Current Programming</big>'''
Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees
* ''Born in Africa''
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough*
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co)
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}
===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net,
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side''
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net,
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties''
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice''
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies228.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' azmovies.net
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*, azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place''
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to/123cine.to
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family & Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family & Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to)
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo''
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil''
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa''
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}
'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}
===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small & Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars''
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}
===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}
===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}
===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden''
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}
===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}
===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}
===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}
===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022
{{Col-end}}
===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India''
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}
===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}
===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}
===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls & Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}
===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo & Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}
===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}
===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes''
* ''The Great Shark Chase''
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}
===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed & Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}
===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life''
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia" azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True & Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}
===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}
===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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{{Quotation limit|type=tv}}
{{Doctor Who}}
<ref>fdddd</ref>This page is a collection of quotations from the era of the fifteenth official incarnation of '''[[The Doctor]]''' from the BBC science fiction television programme ''[[Doctor Who]]'', during which the role of the [[w:Fifteenth Doctor|Fifteenth Doctor]] was played by [[w:Ncuti Gatwa|Ncuti Gatwa]], who played the role during a series of specials aired over the course of November 2023. He is the second actor of color to take on the role of the Doctor, with the first being [[w: Jo Martin | Jo Martin]].
== ''2023 Specials'' ==
=== [[w: The Giggle | ''The Giggle'']] [0.X]===
:<small>(9 December 2023)</small>
:'''The Fifteenth Doctor:''' ''[first words]'' No way!
<hr width=50%>
:'''[[Fourteenth Doctor | The Fourteenth Doctor]]''': You're me!
:'''The Doctor''': No, I'm ''me''... I think I'm really, really me! Oh-ho, I am ''completely'' me!
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor:''' Hello! So good to see you! So good! Now... someone tell me what the ''hell'' is going on here?!
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': Our whole lifetime... That [[First Doctor | first Doctor]] that met the Toymaker never, ever stopped. [[Second Doctor|Put on trial.]] [[Third Doctor| Exiled.]] [[Fourth Doctor|Key to Time. All the devastation]] [[Fifth Doctor|of Logopolis...]]
:'''The Fourteenth Doctor''': [[w: Earthshock|Adric...]]
:'''The Doctor''': [[w: Adric | Adric]]. [[River Song|River Song.]] All the people we lost... [[w: Sarah Jane Smith | Sarah Jane]] is gone, can you believe that for a second?
:'''The Fourteenth Doctor''': I loved her.
:'''The Doctor''': ''I'' loved her. And [[Rose Tyler | Rose]]. But the [[Eighth Doctor | Time]] [[War Doctor | War]], [[Eleventh Doctor | the Pandorica]], [[w: The Daleks' Master Plan | Mavic Chen]]... [[Seventh Doctor | We fought the Gods of Ragnarök]], and we didn't stop for a ''second...'' to say "what the hell?"
:'''The Fourteenth Doctor''': But you're fine!
:'''The Doctor''': I'm fine because you fix yourself. We're Time Lords, we're doing rehab out of order.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': Now, you two, if you don't mind, there is a great big universe out there calling, and I've gotta get going. So off you pop, old man.
:'''The Fourteenth Doctor''': ''You're'' the old man; you're older than me!
:'''Donna''': Actually, that is true. He's younger, 'cause you came after him, so you're the older Doctor.
:'''The Doctor''': Okay, kid. I love you, get out.
== ''Series 14 / Season 1'' ==
=== [[w: The Church on Ruby Road| ''The Church on Ruby Road'']] [0.X]===
:<small>(25 December 2023)</small>
:'''The Doctor''': Okay. Name: "The Doctor". Occupation: "Not a doctor". Current status: "Just passing by". Employer: "Myself". Address: "That blue box over there". Now, if you don't mind, I just got snowmanned, and I would like to go home.
:'''Police Officer''': Um... Uh, Doctor what would that be?
:'''The Doctor''': Just the Doctor!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Ruby''': No, but who are you? Why are you an expert in time-traveling goblins and--
:'''The Doctor''': Oh! Pssh... They are not time-travelers, excuse me! Time travelers are ''great.'' Like, the best -- like, ''wow.'' This lot's just bimble.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': I am ''learning'' the vocabulary of rope!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mrs. Flood''': Busy man, sweetheart! You and your box of tricks... You look like you've lost a pound and found a sixpence. What's wrong?
:'''The Doctor''': Just wondering... Maybe I'm the bad luck.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mrs. Flood''': Never seen a TARDIS before?
=== [[w: Space Babies | ''Space Babies'']] [14.1]===
:<small>(11 May 2024)</small>
:'''Ruby''': Who are you?
:'''The Doctor''': I'm the Doctor, you don't have to stand over there, come and have a look, it's called the TARDIS.
:(The Doctor clicks his figures and the round things light up)
:'''Ruby''': Ooh! nice, but hold on, I can't call you doctor, no I want to know your name.
:'''The Doctor''': Yeah that's uh, that's tricky, because I was adopted and the planet that took me in, they were kind of... they were kinda posh, they'd use titles like the Doctor, or the Bishop, or [[w: The Rani | The Rani]] or the Conquistador, say doctor for a thousand years and it becomes my name
<hr width=50%>
:'''Ruby''': How do you keep going?
:'''The Doctor''': For days like this, Ruby Sunday. I don't have a people, I don't have a home... But I don't have a job, either. I don't have a boss, or taxes, or rent, or bills to pay. I don't have a purpose, or a cause, or a mission, but I have... freedom. That's why I keep moving on, to see the next thing, and the next, and the next. And sometimes... It looks even better through your eyes.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Ruby''': Is that a monster?!
:'''The Doctor''': No. No, don't be silly -- There's never any such thing as monsters, they're just... Just creatures you haven't met yet.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Captain Poppy''': We're not meant to be like this; did we grow up wrong?
:'''The Doctor''': Oh, Poppy... Oh, Popsicle. Look at me, look at me. Nobody grows up wrong. You are what you are, and that is magnificent.
:'''Captain Poppy''': But Mummy and Daddy left us...
:'''The Doctor''': That's okay! Mine did, too.
:'''Captain Poppy''': What happened?
:'''The Doctor''': Well, I was found.
:'''Captain Poppy''': Hooray!
:'''The Doctor''': Little baby me was left alone in the middle of outer space, and guess who took me in?
:'''Captain Poppy''': I don't know!
:'''The Doctor''': The Time Lords!
:'''Captain Poppy''': Oooooh...
:'''The Doctor''': Can you say it like me?
:'''Captain Poppy''': "Time Lords"!
:'''The Doctor''': That's in! Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah! But the point is... that it doesn't matter where I come from, because I am absolutely lovely, aren't I? ''[Poppy yawns]'' That wasn't rhetorical, Pops.
:'''Captain Poppy''': Yes, you are!
:'''The Doctor''': And you wanna know my secret? There's no one like me in the whole wide universe. No one like me exists, and that's true of everyone. That's not a problem, Captain Pops. It's a superpower.
=== [[w: Doctor Who series 14 | ''The Devil's Chord'']] [14.2]===
:<small>(11 May 2024)</small>
:'''Timothy Drake''': Who are you?
:'''Maestro''': My notation is... Maestro.
:'''Timothy Drake''': But... ''what'' are you?
:'''Maestro''': I am music.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': [[First Doctor|In the past, right now, I live in a place called Totter's Lane. 1963, I parked the TARDIS in a junkyard, and I lived there with my granddaughter, Susan.]]
:'''Ruby''': Oh...!
:'''The Doctor''': Okay?
:'''Ruby''': Your ''what?''
:'''The Doctor''': My granddaughter.
:'''Ruby''': Susan?
:'''The Doctor''': We ''could'' go and have a look, but y'know... timelines, [mimics explosion]
:'''Ruby''': Well, y-- you've got children?
:'''The Doctor''': I did have -- I will have. Time Lords get a bit complicated.
:'''Ruby''': Yeah, but you've got a granddaughter! Like, now? Like, today? Back in our time? My time. Gah! Where is she?!
:'''The Doctor''': I don't know.
:'''Ruby''': How do you not know?
:'''The Doctor''': Time Lords were murdered. Genocide rolled across time and space like a great big cellular explosion; maybe it killed her, too.
:'''Ruby''': Doctor! God...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Maestro''': Can you find it? The lost chord? Are you enough of a genius?
:'''The Doctor''': Oh, I would never call myself that, Maestro. But I have lived. And I have loved. And I can only smile like this because I have lost so much. I've experienced everything. Every single thing. And if that's where music comes from... I can find the chord to banish you.
=== [[w: Boom (Doctor Who) | ''Boom'']] [14.3]===
:<small>(18 May 2024)</small>
:'''Ruby''': Where are we?
:'''The Doctor''': In the middle of a war.
:'''Ruby''': Oh. I was kind of hoping for a beach.
:'''The Doctor''': Ah! What do you think this is?
:'''Ruby''': It's not a beach!
:'''The Doctor''': Give it time. Everywhere's a beach eventually.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': War is business, and business is ''booming.''
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': I'm a much bigger bang than you bargained for. I'm a lot more explosive than I look, and, honey, I know how I look. Put a quantum chain reaction through me, and I will shatter this silly little battlefield of yours into dust. All of it, in a heartbeat, into dust.
:'''Mundy''': That's not possible.
:'''The Doctor''': Everything is possible! ''Everything'' is possible. Everywhere is a beach eventually. Scan me! Scan me, see for yourself!
:''[Mundy drops her gun, scans:]''
:'''Mundy''': You could blow up half of this planet!
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': I mean, most armies would notice that they were fighting smoke and shadows, but not this lot, Ruby! You know why? 'Cause they have faith.
:'''Mundy''': Shut up!
:'''The Doctor''': "Faith"! The magic word that keeps you never having to think for yourself! Just surrender, Mundy. Just ''stop''... and it's all over.
:'''Mundy''': Prove it.
:'''The Doctor''': What, seriously? ''Now'' you need proof, faith girl?
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': We're all dead eventually. There's hardly any time that we're ''not'' dead. Which is a a good thing, too! We've got to keep the pace up, otherwise nothing would get done. Dying defines us. Snow isn't snow until it falls.
:'''Ruby''': Snow?
:'''The Doctor''': Yeah, snow. We all melt away in the end. But something stays. Maybe the best part. [[w:Philip Larkin|A sad old man]] once told me, "What survives of us, is love."
=== [[w: 73 Yards| ''73 Yards'']] [14.4]===
:<small>(25 May 2024)</small>
:'''The Doctor''': Mind you, Roger ap Gwilliam. That's a bad example of the Welsh, ''terrifying.''
:'''Ruby''': Oh, yeah?
:'''The Doctor''': The most dangerous Prime Minister in history. He led the world to the brink of nuclear... Wait, what year are you from?
:'''Ruby''': 2024!
:'''The Doctor''': Oh. Yikes, sorry, he was 2046. Sorry, spoilers! Forget I said anything.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Ruby''': Mum, what does she look like?
:'''Carla''': She looks like what she looks like.
:'''Ruby''': What does that mean?
:'''Carla''': She looks like what she is.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Roger ap Gwilliam''': [[w:Amol Rajan|Amol]], I'm a Welshman; I was born in Wales. And that's what the "ap" in my name means. It's not one of those apps you used to have on your phone in the old days. It means "son of". I am a son of Wales. And the Welsh don't always like to be oppressed. And that has taught me to say "no more". And that's what I am saying: "No more". I want Great Britain to say "No more", so yes! I have pledged to defend our borders and set us up on high as one of the greatest nations in the world.
:'''Amol Rajan''': But we're members of [[NATO]].
:'''Roger ap Gwilliam''': When did NATO ever, y'know, fire a nuclear missile? Ever? 2031, the Great Russian War -- not a single rocket.
:'''Amol Rajan''': Excuse me, I'm sorry-- Are you saying that you actually ''want'' to fire a nuclear missile?
:'''Roger ap Gwilliam''': We'll cut that bit out, right?
<hr width=50%>
:'''Old Ruby''': I presume she must be gone, my mother. No one ever told me. And I didn't find my birth mother. It never snowed again. But I keep thinking I know why. The woman! And I've been thinking about it my whole life. Why is she here? And I think, at the end, I have hope. 'Cause that's very you, isn't it, my old friend? I dare to hope.
=== [[w: Dot and Bubble| ''Dot and Bubble'']] [14.5]===
:'''The Doctor''': You don't know me, but my name is the Doctor, and your life is in danger, okay? There are creatures out there in the real world; there are monsters, and they are coming to get you.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Penny Pepper-Bean''': We miss you so much, darling. But I'd pay for the whole moon to make you happy. Just look up at the sky and wave to us on the Homeworld. Happy Finetime, Lindy-Loo! And don't forget, you're only a Bubble away.
:'''The Doctor''': ...who is that?
:'''Lindy Pepper-Bean''': I told you, it's Mummy.
:'''Ruby''': Hold on, I've seen her before.
:'''The Doctor''': Yeah, she's, like, she's the face of the ambulance on Kastarion III.
:'''Ruby''': No, no, no, I've seen her somewhere else...
<hr width=50%>
:'''Brewster''': Now we can go out there to this planet, and we can fight it and tame it and own it. We'll be pioneers, just like our ancestors.
:'''The Doctor''': Or... you could come with us.
:'''Lindy''': ''[turns towards him and Ruby]'' We could what?
:'''The Doctor''': Come with us!
:'''Ruby''': Yeah, we helped you escape, didn't we? So we could get you out of here, in the blink of an eye.
:'''The Doctor''': I-- I have a ship, it's called the TARDIS. That blue box. It harnesses technology that makes it bigger on the inside than on the outside. I could take you all! I could carry you to the stars, I... could find you a home that is safe, and-- and clean, and everything you want.
:'''Lindy''': ''[amused]'' But... It's-- We couldn't travel with you.
:'''Ruby''': What? Wh-- Why not?
:'''Lindy''': ''[to the Fifteenth Doctor]'' [[Racism|Because you, ''sir'', are not one of us.]] I mean, sir, you were kind. [[White supremacy|But it was your duty to save me, obviously.]] I mean, screen-to-screen contact is just about acceptable, but in person? That's impossible.
:'''Hoochy Pie''': Ay. You have a magic box? Seriously...
:'''Brewster''': "Bigger on the inside"?
:'''Hoochy Pie''': Excuse me, sir -- that's [[Voodoo]]. And it doesn't matter where we end up living, [[Manifest Destiny|because it is our God-given duty to maintain the standards of Finetime, forever.]] Now thank you. And goodbye.
:'''Ruby''': Ugh, I can't ''even...''
:'''The Doctor''': I don't care what you think! Look, you can say whatever you want. You can think absolutely anything. I will do ''anything''... if you just allow me to save your lives.
:'''Brewster''': If you'll turn away, ladies? Before we're contaminated.
:'''The Doctor''': ''[desperately]'' BUT YOU WILL ''DIE'' OUT THERE! AND I CAN SAVE YOUR LIVES! ''NOW LET ME!''
:''[Lindy turns away, getting on the boat out. The Doctor starts laughing, incredulous, and puts his hands on his thighs, doubling over, before screaming in frustration.]''
:'''The Doctor''': ''DAMN!''
=== [[w: Rogue (Doctor Who)| ''Rogue'']] [14.6]===
:'''The Doctor''': Brooding. Good look. Do you practice in a mirror? Bit more frown, maybe. Yeah? Like this. Yeah? Like this, really. Really, like this.
:'''Rogue''': I didn't know the Dutchess employs a court jester.
:'''The Doctor''': Yeah, well I'm hilarious. And... you're kind of funny peculiar, standing here. Good vantage point. Keeping an eye out on the exits, like you're expecting trouble.
:'''Rogue''': Are you?
:'''The Doctor''': Honey, I'm here for fun.
:'''Rogue''': Then go and pursue your facile pleasures and leave me alone.
:'''The Doctor''': O-kay, rude! Lord...
:'''Rogue''': Not a Lord.
:'''The Doctor''': Does "Not a Lord" have a name?
:'''Rogue''': Rogue.
:'''The Doctor''': Nice to meet you. I'm the Doctor.
:'''Rogue''': Just "the Doctor"?
:'''The Doctor''': Just "Rogue"?
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': Who did you lose?
:'''Rogue''': What?
:'''The Doctor''': You lost someone.
:'''Rogue''': How'd you know that?
:'''The Doctor''': Because I know.
:'''Rogue''': There was... Yeah. We traveled together, we had fun. You know? And then a day came along, and at the end of that day... I lost them. What about you?
:'''The Doctor''': I lost everyone.
:'''Rogue''': At the party, I saw you with that woman.
:'''The Doctor''': Mmm. My best friend.
:'''Rogue''': Do you ever wonder, "Why keep going"?
:'''The Doctor''': Because we have to. We have to live each day, because they can't. You don't have to stay a bounty hunter, Rogue. You could travel with me! Oh, the worlds I could show you, Rogue...
:'''Rogue''': And what if I like what I do? Would ''you'' travel with ''me?''
:'''The Doctor''': That is quite an argument. Tell you what, when we both get out of this, let's argue across the stars...
:'''Rogue''': I'd like that.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': How long do they live for?
:'''Rogue''': Chuldur?
:'''The Doctor''': Mm.
:'''Rogue''': They have a lifespan of 600 years.
:'''The Doctor''': Good. Good. That's a long time to suffer.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': There are as many dimensions as there are atoms in the universe. Don't even know his real name. Any...way! It is what it is, so onwards, fine, next. Off we go. Where shall we go? Anywhere!
:'''Ruby''': Doctor, you don't have to be like this.
:'''The Doctor''': I have to be like this cos this is what I'm like. Onwards. Upwards. New horizons. Moving on. It's fine.
=== [[w: The Legend of Ruby Sunday | ''The Legend of Ruby Sunday'']] [14.7]===
:'''Carla Sunday''': That's your story, darling. The legend of Ruby Sunday.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Kate Stewart''': My father... He'd tell me stories about you when I was a kid. We'd sit there in the firelight, telling tales of the Doctor, his eyes shining. But he never ''ever'' mentioned a granddaughter.
:'''The Doctor''': I was a different Doctor back then, Kate. Great enigma. Still can't shake it off. I'm trying.
:'''Kate Stewart''': If you've got a granddaughter, that means you've got kids!
:'''The Doctor''': Well, not quite. Not yet.
:'''Kate Stewart''': What? You mean... you can have a granddaughter before a granddaughter?
:'''The Doctor''': Life of a Time Lord.
:'''Kate Stewart''': ...Okay. The grandchild exists, and you've got the TARDIS, but you've never come back to see her. Why not?
:'''The Doctor''': You've seen my life. I bring disaster, Kate. ''Disaster.'' What if I go back and I ruin her?
:'''Kate Stewart''': For what it's worth, I think you bring joy.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': If time is memory, and memory is time, then what is a memory of a time machine?
<hr width=50%>
:'''Harriet''': He is hidden in the howling void, he is hidden within the tempest...
:'''Kate Stewart''': What...?
:'''Harriet''': He has braved the storm, and the darkness, and the pain. And he whispered to the vessel.
:'''Morris Gibbins''': Wh-- Who has? What do you mean?
:'''Harriet''': For all this time, he whispered, and delighted, and seduced, and the vessel did obey, for none shall be more mighty and none shall be more wise than the king himself.
:'''Kate Stewart''': Harriet. What are you doing?
:'''Harriet''': And the Lord of Time was blind and vain and knew nothing.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Susan Triad''': But who am I?!
:'''Harriet''': There is the [[w:The Celestial Toymaker|Toymaker]], [[w:The Giggle|the god of games]]. There is [[w:Whatever Happened to Sarah Jane?|Trickster]], [[w:The Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith|the god]] [[w:The Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith|of traps]]. There is [[w:The Devil's Chord|Maestro, the god of music]]. There is Reprobate, the god of spite.
:''[Susan falls to her knees, wailing, and Bailey tries to comfort her]''
:'''Doctor''': No, no, no! Get away from her! Don't touch her!
:'''Harriet''': There is the [[w:Kinda (Doctor Who)|Mara]], [[w:Snakedance|the god of beasts]], and the threefold deity of malice and mischief and misery.
:'''Vlinx''': Warning. Manifestation.
:'''Harriet''': There are gods of skin and shame and secrets.
:''[A black cloud is forming around the TARDIS]''
:'''Mel''': Doctor, she needs you!
:'''Harriet''': There is Incensor, the god of disaster, and her children called Doubt and Dread. And standing on high is the mother and father and other of them all.
:'''Kate Stewart''': Whatever it is... here it comes.
:'''Harriet''': For the god of all gods has returned. And his names are many. His name has been [[w:Set (deity)|Set]], and Seth, and Sithifer. And his one true name for evermore is... [[w:Pyramids of Mars|Sutekh]]!
:'''The Doctor''': ...It was the wrong anagram.
:''[The cloud materializes into a snarling, jackal-like creature looming over the TARDIS]''
:'''Morris''': Probable trap... 100%.
:'''The Doctor''': Mel, get away from her. Both of you, don't let her touch you!
:'''Mel''': Bailey, get back. Leave her alone.
:'''Bailey''': You said you were a doctor! Why don't you try to help...?
:''[Susan's face snaps up at him, now red-eyed and skull-like]''
:'''Harriet''': Sutekh is the god of death, and by his hand, all creation shall fall into dust and ashes and ruin!
:''[Susan grabs Bailey's arm, and he immediately dissolves into sand; Sutekh laughs cruelly]''
:'''Susan Triad''': I bring Sutekh's gift of death... to all humanity.
:'''Sutekh''': I am Sutekh, the god of death. I am the night. I am the terror. I am the loss.
:'''Ruby''': ''[approached by a robed, hooded figure]'' Mum?
:'''Sutekh''': And all life will perish at my hand! ''[laughs]''
:'''Susan Triad''': Did you think I was family, Doctor? I bring Sutekh's gift of death... for you, and for all in your tiny, vile, incessant universe!
=== [[w: Empire of Death (Doctor Who episode) | ''Empire of Death'']] [14.8]===
:'''Mrs. Flood''': Do you believe in the power of prayer?
:'''Cherry Sunday''': I most certainly do.
:'''Mrs. Flood''': Then tell your maker I will come to storm down his gates of gold and seize his kingdom in my true name.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Sutekh''': ''[gripping the TARDIS]'' We meet again, my old friend.
:'''The Doctor''': Don't you dare...!
:'''Ruby''': Doctor, what is that thing?
:'''The Doctor''': Sutekh. The Death of Ages. The Typhonian Beast. The greatest monster I have ever fought. ''[sees scenes from their previous encounter on his monitor]'' The time window has my memories too.
:'''Mel''': It's your life, Doctor. It's telling the story of your life.
:'''The Doctor''': A long time ago, in the England of 1911, Sutekh had been bound and imprisoned for all eternity, but he rose again, and I defeated him. I cast you into the Time Vortex, I sent you forward to your own death!
:'''Sutekh''': Instead, I found a home. I clung to your infernal machine, and for so many years, I hid. I have travelled with you for all this time, riding the spine of your ship, staring into eternity and evolving into my true godhood. Now I know every beat of the heart of your time machine, and I can bend it to my will. It will stand as my altar. The temple of my empire of death. Never yours again, Doctor, never. And I saw, inside the TARDIS, so many secrets. ''Her'' name.
:'''The Doctor''': [[w:Susan Foreman|Susan]].
:'''Sutekh''': The perfect trap. I created an apparition of her universally. Every time we landed, on every single world, I birthed them all. My angels of death, now standing triumphant across the universe. Every living thing is an abomination. I am come to release them into blessed death - and I find that good.
:'''The Doctor''': Then I damn you, Sutekh! I damn you in the name of life itself! And I swear to you, with both the hearts of the last of the Time Lords, I will stop you! I will defeat you! And I will turn back death! And why... am I still alive? Killing me is your gift. And believe me, Sutekh, I'm an extinction event. So what is stopping you? Why is the god of death not killing me? What am I missing? I'll tell you a secret, Sutes. This feeling that you have now, this doubt... have you ever felt so ''alive?'' And doesn't it feel good?
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': You saw all of time and space with me, Sutekh! So I thought: what if you see it again? What happens if you bring death to death? You bring life!
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': Sutekh the Destroyer, the lord god of death itself... you win! Because I pride myself! I pride myself that I am better than you! Because if you're death, then I must represent life! ''Surely'' that's what I am - life! And that's how you win, Sutekh. Because you turned me into this! I am the one that brings death.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Mrs. Flood''': And that's how the story of the Church on Ruby Road comes to an end - with a very happy ending for little Ruby Sunday! But life goes on, doesn't it? ''Ruthlessly!'' "And what happens", you might wonder... "oh, what happens to that mysterious traveller in time and space known as the Doctor?" I'm sorry to say his story ends in absolute terror. Night-night!
== ''Series 15 / Season 2'' ==
=== [[w: Joy to the World (Doctor Who) | ''Joy to the World'']] [0.X]===
:<small>(25 December 2024)</small>
:'''Trev''': Sorry, is that a toilet?
:'''The Doctor''': Is it a what?!
:'''Trev''': You've got a newspaper.
:'''The Doctor''': And a coffee. Who takes a coffee to the loo?
:'''Trev''': I d-dunno... Each to their own. Is somebody else in there?
:'''The Doctor''': N... Ah, yes. ''[The Doctor tuts, noting that he has taken two cups.]'' Habit. Never get used to them leaving. Here. Keep the mug. It's bigger on the inside.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Joy''': H-How can there be two of you?
:'''The Doctor''': There aren't. He's the future. He's me after I get the code.
:'''Future Doctor''': I'm not the future - he is the past. The future is this way. Come on.
:'''The Doctor''': No, no! How does this work? How do I get to be you?
:'''Future Doctor''': The long way 'round.
:'''The Doctor''': Yes, but ''how'' long?!
:'''Future Doctor''': You'll find out.
:'''The Doctor''': What do I do, where do I go?!
:'''Future Doctor''': You will find out.
:'''The Doctor''': Oh, do you see?! That is why nobody likes you! You have to be mysterious all the time! That's why everyone leaves you. That is why you are always alone.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Anita''': Who are you not phoning? You keep looking at the phone, it's very obvious.
:'''The Doctor''': Nobody.
:'''Anita''': Name?
:'''The Doctor''': Ruby. Ruby Sunday.
:'''Anita''': What's the problem with Ruby?
:'''The Doctor''': No problem. Just... gotta let people get on with their lives.
:'''Anita''': Yeah. You and me. Letting people get on with their lives. For Auld Lang Syne.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': You see, a house, that's a... That's a disguise. It's a fortress. You can... you can hide yourself away with... with pictures and flowers and... and tables, but... a hotel room? That's you without make-up. It's "what do you think you need?" It's what you're willing to accept. Not a selfie that you posed for, more like catching yourself in the mirror. What's your mirror telling you, Joy?
<hr width=50%>
:[The Doctor looks down from the new star to the next hilltop across the valley.]
:'''The Doctor''': Oh, of course. Joy. Of course you are, you're Joy. Joy to the World! [Camera moves down to show a town with the title 'Bethlehem, 0001'.]
=== [15.1] ''[[w: The Robot Revolution | The Robot Revolution]]'' ===
:<small>(12 April 2025)</small>
:[Seventeen years ago, sitting on a bench, looking at the stars]
:'''Alan''': If you travel to that star, it's four quadrillion miles away. I know girls aren't good at maths, but that's a long way. Cos the thing is, Belinda, I look up at the night sky, and it is so beautiful, and I think, "How can I capture this? How can I celebrate your birthday and treasure this moment forever?" So I bought you... this. Happy birthday.
:'''Belinda''': Thank you.
:'''Alan''': You could fold the paper and save it for later, but never mind. [Gives her a framed Star Certificate.]
:'''Belinda''': Oh! Wow.
:'''Alan''': So, what it means is, that star, that's yours. That star, right there. Shining down upon us.
:'''Belinda''': Does it have to say Miss?
:'''Alan''': Are you married?
:'''Belinda''': No.
:'''Alan''': Then it's Miss. Do you like it, or...?
:'''Belinda''': Yes! I'm sorry, Alan. Yes. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you.
:'''Alan''': [awkwardly] Just... gonna... kiss you.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Doctor''': Ah-ha. It's the same object twice.
:'''Belinda''': Do you mean it's literally the same diploma, like in a time-travel way?
:'''Doctor''': Timey-wimey.
:'''Belinda''': Timey-wimey?
:'''Doctor''': Yup.
:'''Belinda''': Am I six?
<hr width=50%>
:[In the TARDIS]
:'''Doctor''': It is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside.
:'''Belinda''': Yeah, I know. Now get me home. 24th of May, 2025. My shift starts at 7.30am, thank you very much.
:'''Doctor''': Yeah, but we don't need to rush, cos... Time Lord, time machine.
:'''Belinda''': This is a time machine?
:'''Doctor''': Boom! Because there is something already connecting us, Belinda, way beyond Robots. I have been to the future, and I have met your descendant on a planet far away, in the 51st century. Her name was Mundy Flynn.
:'''Belinda''': Did she look like me?
:'''Doctor''': Absolute match.
:'''Belinda''': The 51st century? You're saying... 3,000 years' time? Is that supposed to be a coincidence?
:'''Doctor''': Well, that is what I am worried about. [He scans her and uploads the results.]
:'''Doctor''': Cos the genetic link is amazing. Is that just chance, or something more? Cos I can't help thinking, Bel, that maybe we are meant to be connected.
:'''Belinda''': Like this is destiny? Is that what you say to all the girls? Is that what you said to Sasha? She trusted you, and she died. And you tested my DNA without even asking my permission. God. You're dangerous.
:'''Doctor''': I'm sorry. Inexcusable. With both hearts, I apologise.
:'''Belinda''': I am not one of your adventures. Now I'm asking you, Doctor, to do the right thing.
:'''Doctor''': I will take you home.
:'''Belinda''': Thank you.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Doctor''': Oh! Something is stopping us! Something is bouncing us off Planet Earth on the day that we left. But why?
:'''Belinda''': Doctor, I told you. Get me home!
:'''Doctor''': I am.
:'''Belinda''': You are not!
:'''Doctor''': Oh, this might be the long way round, Miss Belinda Chandra, but hold on tight. Because this is going to be quite a ride.
:''[The Tardis dematerialises. Various types of wreckage comes into view as well as a cab, Blackpool Tower, the original framed Star Certificate, and a page from a calendar with every date of May 2025 crossed off up to and including the 23rd]''
<hr width=50%>
:''[extended monologue from the deleted scenes]''
:'''Belinda''': Like this is destiny? Is that what you say to all the girls? Is that what you said to Sasha? Sorry. But she trusted you, and she died. And now all I can see here is a great big temple of a… spaceship? And it's empty, Doctor. It's empty, you could not have a more empty space! So maybe you invite people in and say it's destiny and smile that smile… Which is a hell of a smile, okay? And it works. Well, it almost works. You are so clever, and so stupid. And you tested my DNA without even asking my permission.
:'''Doctor''': Oh.
:'''Belinwa''': God. You're dangerous.
:'''Doctor''': I'm sorry. Inexcusable. With both hearts, I apologise.
:'''Belinda''': Doctor, the only power I have in this room is to ask you if my life is in danger. With you, yes? I won't live like that. I will not.
=== [15.2] ''[[w:Lux (Doctor Who) | Lux]]'' ===
:<small>(19 April 2025)</small>
:'''Mr. Ring-A-Ding''': No, don't give me sunshine! Because I'm more interested... in moonlight. That icy cold beam of heaven touching my soul and bringing me... ''life!'' ''[He addresses the audience]'' Whaddaya think? ... I asked you. ''[The audience looks confused]'' Yes, you, sitting there drooling with your buckets of popped corn and caramel water... I asked you, what do ya think?
:'''Husband''': This one's kinda silly, isn't it?
:'''Mr. Ring-A-Ding''': ''[irate]'' What did you say? ...I'm looking at you, with the glasses. What did you say?
:'''Husband''': Who, me?
:'''Mr. Ring-A-Ding''': ''[annoyed]'' Don't make me laugh... Yes, you.
:'''Husband''': How are they doing this?
:'''Mr. Ring-A-Ding''': If you won't tell me then I'll have to find out for myself! Get ready! ''[He crawls through the screen]'' Cause here... I... ''COME!'' ''[In the projection room, Reginald frantically tries to stop the film]'' We're goin' 3D! And remember... ''don't make me laugh.''
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': I have toppled worlds. Sometimes, I wait for people to topple ''their'' world. Until then, I live in it and I shine.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Lizzie''': We don't exist.
:'''Belinda''': But... you do!
:'''Robyn''': No. We're the sort of characters who don't have surnames. We're just part of the trap so that... creature can play with your minds.
:'''Hassan''': But we're cleverer than him! We learnt from the Doctor so we worked it out. We can set you free.
:'''Lizzie''': It's time for you to go back and fight him, and beat him for us.
:'''The Doctor''': I am sure that there is something we can--
:'''Lizzie''': No, no, off you go! Come on, cos you'd better be quick! Up. Come on. You're thirty minutes in. Time for the third act.
:'''Belinda''': Thanks. Keep watching!
:'''Lizzie''': You don't get it, do you?
:'''Belinda''': What? What don't I get?
:'''The Doctor''': They are not real. Once we move on, Lizzie, Hassan and Robyn will all blink out of existence.
:'''Belinda''': You mean... You'll die?
:'''Lizzie''': It's not death. We just... end.
:'''Belinda''': But... that ''is'' death.
:'''Lizzie''': Yeah. But we're not important. It doesn't matter what happens to us.
:'''Hassan''': And it's been so worth it, just to meet you.
:'''Robyn''': We had so much fun. And, thanks to you, I met my two best friends.
:'''Lizzie''': We'll be gone any second. Oh, my goodness. But maybe... just now and then you can think of us. Then we might live on just a little bit. Now, go and save the world, Doctor.
:'''The Doctor''': I wish that there was something that we could--
:'''Lizzie''': We love you ''so'' much.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Lux''': Sunlight! I am light! The light of creation... ''[He flies into space. He stares ahead as his eyes glow yellow and fill with tears]'' I am everything... and I am nothing. ''[He fades away completely]'' Goodbye.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Belinda''': But... he was ''made'' of light.
:'''The Doctor''': We're sixty percent water and we can still drown. That's why Lux stayed inside. And we gave him all the light in the universe. And that's what he became - light without end.
:'''Belinda''': So he's actually a god now. Infinite. Invisible. Intangible...
:'''The Doctor''': Amen.
=== [15.3] ''[[w:The Well (Doctor Who) | The Well'' ===
:<small>(26 April 2025)</small>
:'''The Doctor''': What is this planet called?
:'''Shaya''': 6-7-6-7.
:'''The Doctor''': The old name. 400,000 years ago, what was the planet called?
:'''Shaya''': It was called [[w:Midnight (Doctor Who)|Midnight]].
:'''The Doctor''': ''[in shock]'' I've been here before.
:[''A quick memory of the [[Tenth Doctor]] and Sky Silvestry appears.'']
=== [15.4] ''[[w:Lucky Day (Doctor Who) | Lucky Day]]'' ===
:<small>(3 May 2025)</small>
:'''Ruby''': I think I'm in shock. Like... [[w:post-traumatic stress disorder|PTSD]]? Because what happened last year was just not... normal. I mean, I fought gods. Like, actual ''gods''. And I was [[w:The Devil's Chord|eaten by a double bass]], and [[w:The Church on Ruby Road|kidnapped by goblins]]. I dangled on a rope ladder above London. And I [[w:Empire of Death (Doctor Who episode)|watched the world turn to dust]]. And it's just like... every day is, like, fight or flight, and I'm just waiting for something to go wrong.
<hr width=50%>
:''[The two Shreek reveal themselves to be men in suits working for Conrad]''
:'''Ruby''': Conrad, what are they talking about? What the hell is going on?!
:'''Conrad''': We are Think Tank. Exposing the lies perpetrated by UNIT! By you. ''[to UNIT guards]'' And we're live streaming, so don't get trigger-happy.
:'''Ruby''': This isn't funny.
:'''Conrad''': ''[chuckles]'' I've had to listen to your stories for weeks now. Put up with your insecurity and vanity, listen to your ''tedious'' piano solos and get smothered in lip gloss! It has been a ''chore'' getting to know you! ''[shrugs]'' But now it's all worth it.
:''[Kate Lethbridge-Stewart tries to stop Elsa from filming; the hashtags "UNITlies", "DemandTheTruth" and "NoMoreMonsters" are seen on the phone's screen]''
:'''Kate''': Put that phone down.
:'''Elsa''': Or what? Gonna arrest me, huh? This is censorship! Touch us and we'll sue. We will bankrupt you.
:'''Sparky''': ''[mockingly scaring Ruby]'' Boo!
:'''Kate''': You've made a very big, very ''dangerous'' mistake tonight, Conrad.
:'''Conrad''': You don't even remember me, do you? ''[to the phones]'' The only monsters out here are UNIT! Lying to the public! Spending our money! Hiding in your tower, and doing what, huh? Doing what?
:'''Ruby''': Protecting people like you.
:'''Conrad''': Oh, they ''can't stop '''lying!''''' There are no Shreek! No [[w:Cyberman|Cybermen]], no [[w:The Christmas Invasion|Sycorax]], no [[w:The Web of Fear|Yetis in the Underground]]! Here, look! Look! ''[holds up a Shreek mask]'' They're stooges and actors, and special effects paid for using taxpayers' money, to keep us scared, to hide their ''real'' agenda!
:'''Shirley''': The threat to this planet is real!
:''[Conrad rolls his eyes and groans]''
:'''Shirley''':If you want evidence, I've got plenty of it, so you can--
:'''Conrad''': This one's collecting benefits, stealing our taxes while she lies to us. But the lies stop today. There are people all over the world watching this. Sharing, reposting, demanding the truth! They're using you! All of you! For her dirty work.
:'''Ruby''': Do you think UNIT can't handle a few reject cosplayers? Because that's all you are, Conrad.
:'''Conrad''': ''[with cruel smugness]'' You've gifted me this moment, Ruby Sunday. Is that even your name, by the way? Cos it's ridiculous!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Conrad''': I want a confession. On camera. Admit to the lies. Show us the monster costumes. Show us the tech that you're hiding, that ''we'' paid for.
:'''Ruby''': You're deluded--
:'''Conrad''': ''[in mocking sing-song] '''The grown-ups are talking!''' [to Kate]'' Come on, Commander-in-chief. Admit! Or are you a coward, like [[w:Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart|your father]] was?
:'''Kate''': ''[seething with anger]'' You should be ''very'' careful what you say about my father.
:'''Conrad''': His only legacy was a pack of lies.
:'''Kate''': He was a hundred times the man you are. And that gun is UNIT issue, so where's Jordan Lang?
:'''Conrad''': ''[clearly feigning ignorance]'' Who?
:'''Ibrahim''': He's been shot. Ground team are rushing him to the infirmary.
:'''Kate''': You ''shot'' someone to get in here?
:'''Conrad''': It's nothing to do with me.
:'''Kate''': ''[appalled]'' A man's life is hanging in the balance, and you're not even sorry.
:'''Conrad''': Maybe ''you'' shot him! Or he was an actor. Or he never existed.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': The Shreek is back in its hive. No need to thank me. ''[chuckles]'' You have to be invited into my TARDIS, Conrad. To be special. But you? You're special... for all the wrong reasons. You see, I am ''fighting a battle'' on behalf of everyday people who just wanna get through their day and feel safe, and warm, and fed. And then along comes this... noise. All day long, this ''relentless'' noise! Cowards like you, weaponizing lies, taking people's insecurity and fear and making it currency. You are exhausting. You stamp on the truth, choke our bandwidth and shred our patience, because the only strategy you have is to wear us down. But the thing is, Conrad, I have energy to burn and all the time in the universe.
:'''Conrad''': ''[laughs bitterly]'' What is this? An intervention? Are you here to save my soul?
:'''The Doctor''': You betrayed my friend.
:'''Conrad''': You've had plenty of "friends". Have you met Belinda Chandra yet?
:'''The Doctor''': Who? You want spoilers? I'll tell you your future. You die in a prison cell, boiling in anger and poison, until your heart packs in at age 49. Alone and unloved, forgotten. The world carries on, the world gets better. You aren't even a footnote. Just ashes on the wind.
:'''Conrad''': I don't accept your reality, Doctor. I reject it. So put me back in my prison. And ''get off my world.''
=== [15.5] ''[[w:The Story & The Engine | The Story & The Engine]]'' ===
:<small>(10 May 2025)</small>
:'''The Doctor''': I am an evolved life-form. And, uh... my body changes a lot. It's the first time I've had this black body. In some parts of the Earth, I'm now treated differently. But here, in Africa, in that barbershop, I'm accepted. I'm able to forget. Boy, we... we laugh. We tell stories. They...
:'''Belinda''': Treat you like one of their own? You say you're not human, but that's the most human thing ever, Doctor. Go on, then. Take as long as you need.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Abena''': I grew up with Anansi, terrified someone would win me in a bet. I'd heard about you, travelling through time -- I had faith you would help! Instead, you ''left'' me. I'm here because of ''you''. You humiliated me, Doctor!
:'''The Doctor''': You look so different now. I am sorry. But I couldn't take you with me.
:''[The camera pans behind Abena and the Fifteenth Doctor changes to the Fugitive incarnation.]''
:'''The Fugitive Doctor''': I was a fugitive back then. Anansi was wrong to offer that bet! And frankly, darling, I was busy in a different story that might be finished one day...
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': You wanna hear a story?
:'''Belinda''': Don't give him more power.
:'''The Doctor''': Really short, really short. You know Hemingway. I saw some of his books back there. I met him. I wanted to see how good he was, so I challenged him. "Hemy, baby, write me the shortest story you can". He wrote it in six words. Short as hell! Do you wanna hear mine? [[w:Regeneration (Doctor Who)|I'm born. I die. I'm born]].
:''[The Barber's haircut machine overloads.]''
:'''The Barber''': You are giving me power. But how? I am not connected to you!
:'''The Doctor''': No, the engine is connected to me. My stories, ''my voice''. Look. On!
:''[The screens turn on and play parts from the Doctor's past.]''
:'''[[Second Doctor|The Second Doctor]]''': [[w:Tomb of the Cybermen|...in the universe can do what we're doing.]]
:''[Cut to a quick flash of the [[Third Doctor]].]''
:'''[[Ninth Doctor|The Ninth Doctor]]''': [[w:The Doctor Dances|Just this once...]]
:'''[[Tenth Doctor|The Tenth Doctor]]''': [[w:Voyage of the Damned (Doctor Who)|I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord.]]
:'''[[Twelfth Doctor|The Twelfth Doctor]]''': [[w:The Zygon Inversion|When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die!]]
:'''[[Thirteenth Doctor|The Thirteenth Doctor]]''': [[w:The Woman Who Fell to Earth|When people need help, I never refuse.]]
:'''[[Fifth Doctor|The Fifth Doctor]]''': [[w:The Five Doctors|I am definitely not the man I was.]]
:''[Cut to a short glimpse of the [[Eleventh Doctor]].]''
:'''The Doctor''': My body is like a barbershop. All of them inside, telling their stories, bickering! I... will not... fail them!
:''[In the barbershop they are treated to colour versions of the [[Fourth Doctor|Fourth]], [[Eighth Doctor|Eighth]] and [[First Doctor|First Doctors]]. The spider starts moving again, faster and faster. The little screen shows the Fifth Doctor with [[w:Tegan Jovanka|Tegan Jovanka]] and [[w:Vislor Turlough|Vislor Turlough]], then the [[Sixth Doctor]].]''
:'''The Barber''': ''[laughs]'' You told a never-ending story, and gave me never-ending power!
:'''Belinda''': He's taken out a third of the engine. You can't process that power. Your engine could overload and explode! We'll all be sucked into space!
:'''The Barber''': You will not do that. You will not! No. No! Would you? The stories say you protect life.
:'''The Doctor''': That is what I am doing.
=== [15.6] ''[[w:The Interstellar Song Contest | The Interstellar Song Contest]]'' ===
:<small>(17 May 2025)</small>
:'''Belinda''': I watched with my mum and dad when I was little. Best night of the year! They'd let me stay up late for voting, as long as I'd brush my teeth and got into my pajamas, and look at me now!
=== [15.7] ''[[w:Wish World | Wish World]]'' ===
:<small>(24 May 2025)</small>
:'''Conrad''': Many years ago, when Gallifrey was young, the Doctor and the Time Lady had been terrible enemies. They fought for all sorts of irrelevant things, but the Time Lady knew they could be great friends.
=== [15.8] ''[[w:The Reality War | The Reality War]]'' ===
:<small>(31 May 2025)</small>
:'''[[w:Mel Bush|Mel]]''': [[w:Time and the Rani|We meet again.]]
:'''[[w:The Rani (Doctor Who)|The Rani]]''': I thought you'd be dead. I thought "There's no way that painted doll of a princess could ever survive."
:'''Mel''': I never thought about you once.
:'''The Rani''': Oh, you thought of me ''every night!''
<hr width=50%>
:''' The Doctor''': Every civilisation has a thousand legends about the world hidden below. [[w:Stranger Things|The Upside Down]], or [[w:The Chronicles of Narnia|Narnia]], or Hell. That is the Underverse.
:'''The Rani''': To which Omega was banished.
:'''Kate Lethbridge-Stewart''': [[w:Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart|My father]] [[w:The Three Doctors|fought Omega back in the 1970s.]] Said he was a Titan. Called him the Mad God.
:'''The Doctor''': Omega was the first. The one who discovered time travel. Some call him the Original Sin of the Time Lords. Cast out from Gallifrey - legend says that they bound him and banished him because he is ''insane!''
:'''The Rani''': The point is, he's alive. Exile to the Underverse means he survived.
:'''The Doctor''': We can't know that.
:'''The Rani''': Alive or dead, he will work as a gene bank. With his body, I can resurrect the Time Lords and construct a new Gallifrey.
:'''The Doctor''': ''[chuckling]'' Oh. ''Your'' Gallifrey.
:'''The Rani''': Well, the Gallifrey of old never did appreciate me. But this one, this will be a power in the sky.
:'''Mel''': But if you need the DNA of a Time Lord, then what about you? The two of you?
:'''The Rani''': ''[wryly]'' I think she's asking us to mate.
<hr width=50%>
:''[The Rani has summoned Omega, who emerges as a huge, skeletal monstrosity]''
:'''The Doctor''': Rani, get back.
:'''The Rani''': What is it?!
:'''The Doctor''': The Underverse is a world of legend, so Omega has become his own legend! He ''is'' the Mad God! The Titan! The Original Sin!
:'''Omega''': I will become the God of Time, with Time Lords to feast upon!
:'''The Rani''': Well, I think you'll find--
:''[She raises her sonic, but screams as Omega nonchalantly seizes and devours her]''
:'''Omega''': So sweet.
<hr width=50%>
:'''The Doctor''': ''[last words]'' I don't want to do this alone.
:''[The TARDIS powers down as he opens the doors and speaks to the universe in general]''.
:'''The Doctor''': I'm ''never'' alone with you. JOY TO THE WORLD! And that is exactly the word. ''[regeneration energy starts to flow]'' This has been an ''absolute joy''.
[[Category:Doctor Who|* 15th Doctor]]
[[Category:Fictional characters]]
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Anna Mghwira
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'''[[w:Anna Mghwira|Anna Elisha Mghwira]]''' (23 January 1959 – 22 July 2021) was a Tanzanian politician and the one-time chair of the Alliance for Change and Transparency (ACT), the youngest political party in Tanzania. She was educated in the United Kingdom at the University of Essex and the University of Dar es Salaam as well as Tumaini University.
{{Woman-stub}}
{{political-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* We received the news with deep sorrow. Losing 11 otherwise innocent people all at once is tragic .
** [https://www.thecitizen.co.tz/tanzania/news/-video-four-casualties-moved-to-icu-after-grisly-accident-3363048 Anna Mghwira said], (The Citizen Tanzania, April 15, 2021)
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Mghwira, Anna}}
[[Category:Women politicians in Tanzania]]
[[Category:1959 births]]
[[Category:2021 deaths]]
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'''Margaret Kanyiri Kobia (nee Rukaria)''' is a [[Kenyan]] who was nominated by President Uhuru Kenyatta as Cabinet Secretary for the Public Service, Youth and Gender Affairs, on 26 January 2018. Prior to her current position, she served as the chairperson of the Kenya Public Service Commission from December 2012 until January 2018.
{{Woman-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Legal steps for terminating a worker on permanent and contract terms must be respected by all otherwise counties risk spending public funds in running court battles.
** [https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/counties/article/2001252222/sack-workers-at-your-own-peril-kobia-warns-governors Magaret Kobia said], ''The Standard''
* Women in Leadership and Decision Making in our Country has been a long windy journey with many obstacles along the way. However, the determination and commitment of the many women to ensure their perspectives are brought into the fore, cannot be ignored.
** [https://gender.go.ke/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/CS-Speech-Bridged-version-during-IWD-2021.pdf]
* My desire to serve in the education sector begun when I was very young. I am a career teacher and I have continued to make my contribution at various levels of educational institutions.
* The best leaders are always those who are open to new possibilities and new learning. They seek to sharpen others, so as to be sharpened and challenged in turn. Seek mentors who can nurture, and are open to mutual sharpening of one another.
** [https://www.spu.ac.ke/old/attachments/graduation-speeches/Incoming-Chancellor-Inaugural-Speech-2018.pdf]
* If the table has no seat, come with yours. Don’t wait to be given but go for it. If you do not get a chance, make noise to be noticed.
**[https://nation.africa/kenya/news/gender/-prof-kobia-involve-women-in-peace-initiatives-not-serving-tea-3605318 On Challenging women to empower themselves]
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Kobia, Margaret }}
[[Category:People from Kenya]]
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'''[[w:Margaret Kobia|Margaret Kanyiri Kobia]]''' (nee Rukaria) is a [[Kenyan]] who was nominated by President Uhuru Kenyatta as Cabinet Secretary for the Public Service, Youth and Gender Affairs, on 26 January 2018. Prior to her current position, she served as the chairperson of the Kenya Public Service Commission from December 2012 until January 2018.
{{Woman-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Legal steps for terminating a worker on permanent and contract terms must be respected by all otherwise counties risk spending public funds in running court battles.
** [https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/counties/article/2001252222/sack-workers-at-your-own-peril-kobia-warns-governors Magaret Kobia said], ''The Standard''
* Women in Leadership and Decision Making in our Country has been a long windy journey with many obstacles along the way. However, the determination and commitment of the many women to ensure their perspectives are brought into the fore, cannot be ignored.
** [https://gender.go.ke/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/CS-Speech-Bridged-version-during-IWD-2021.pdf]
* My desire to serve in the education sector begun when I was very young. I am a career teacher and I have continued to make my contribution at various levels of educational institutions.
* The best leaders are always those who are open to new possibilities and new learning. They seek to sharpen others, so as to be sharpened and challenged in turn. Seek mentors who can nurture, and are open to mutual sharpening of one another.
** [https://www.spu.ac.ke/old/attachments/graduation-speeches/Incoming-Chancellor-Inaugural-Speech-2018.pdf]
* If the table has no seat, come with yours. Don’t wait to be given but go for it. If you do not get a chance, make noise to be noticed.
**[https://nation.africa/kenya/news/gender/-prof-kobia-involve-women-in-peace-initiatives-not-serving-tea-3605318 On Challenging women to empower themselves]
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Kobia, Margaret }}
[[Category:People from Kenya]]
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'''[[w:Margaret Kobia|Margaret Kanyiri Kobia]]''' (nee Rukaria) is a [[Kenyan]] who was nominated by President Uhuru Kenyatta as Cabinet Secretary for the Public Service, Youth and Gender Affairs, on 26 January 2018. Prior to her current position, she served as the chairperson of the Kenya Public Service Commission from December 2012 until January 2018.
{{Politics-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Legal steps for terminating a worker on permanent and contract terms must be respected by all otherwise counties risk spending public funds in running court battles.
** [https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/counties/article/2001252222/sack-workers-at-your-own-peril-kobia-warns-governors Magaret Kobia said], ''The Standard''
* Women in Leadership and Decision Making in our Country has been a long windy journey with many obstacles along the way. However, the determination and commitment of the many women to ensure their perspectives are brought into the fore, cannot be ignored.
** [https://gender.go.ke/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/CS-Speech-Bridged-version-during-IWD-2021.pdf]
* My desire to serve in the education sector begun when I was very young. I am a career teacher and I have continued to make my contribution at various levels of educational institutions.
* The best leaders are always those who are open to new possibilities and new learning. They seek to sharpen others, so as to be sharpened and challenged in turn. Seek mentors who can nurture, and are open to mutual sharpening of one another.
** [https://www.spu.ac.ke/old/attachments/graduation-speeches/Incoming-Chancellor-Inaugural-Speech-2018.pdf]
* If the table has no seat, come with yours. Don’t wait to be given but go for it. If you do not get a chance, make noise to be noticed.
**[https://nation.africa/kenya/news/gender/-prof-kobia-involve-women-in-peace-initiatives-not-serving-tea-3605318 On Challenging women to empower themselves]
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Kobia, Margaret }}
[[Category:People from Kenya]]
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Who Killed Captain Alex?
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'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the Ugandan first action-packed movie.
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*The man is killing us, man! Drop the bomb man!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
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/* VJ Emmie */
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{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the Ugandan first action-packed movie.
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*The man is killing us, man! Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
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Dronebogus
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/* VJ Emmie */
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wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*The man is killing us, man! Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
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3935030
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Dronebogus
3078761
/* VJ Emmie */
3935030
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*The man is killing us, man! Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
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Dronebogus
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/* VJ Emmie */
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text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*One hell of a movie!
*The man is killing us, man! Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
hmmjqej5ffp3aih8bzsakleecsycrw3
3935037
3935036
2026-04-30T16:24:42Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* VJ Emmie */
3935037
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*One hell of a movie!
*The man is killing us, man! Press the bomb, over. Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
e93x32zi6817tk12hfg3f9xbgfkj172
3935044
3935037
2026-04-30T16:37:08Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* VJ Emmie */
3935044
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
*''[Scene shows a flooded abandoned backlot]'' The pearl of Africa!
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*One hell of a movie!
*The man is killing us, man! Press the bomb, over. Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
r2elntbzyfvzz66m3re2krvedctx3t1
3935045
3935044
2026-04-30T16:37:51Z
Dronebogus
3078761
3935045
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:Flag of Uganda.svg|thumb| Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.]]
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
*''[Scene shows a flooded abandoned backlot]'' The pearl of Africa!
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*One hell of a movie!
*The man is killing us, man! Press the bomb, over. Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
cvdy0l9yyputgi16u6vh0zasfuvx5es
3935047
3935045
2026-04-30T16:43:34Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* VJ Emmie */
3935047
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:Flag of Uganda.svg|thumb| Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.]]
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
*''[Scene shows a flooded abandoned backlot]'' The pearl of Africa!
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*One hell of a movie!
* ''[Describing a low-quality computer generated helicopter]' Ugandan Ghetto Air Force
*The man is killing us, man! Press the bomb, over. Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
2d1l98n4yhirlb869vof5olwmto74kd
3935048
3935047
2026-04-30T16:43:55Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* VJ Emmie */
3935048
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:Flag of Uganda.svg|thumb| Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.]]
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
*''[Scene shows a flooded abandoned backlot]'' The pearl of Africa!
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*One hell of a movie!
* ''[Describing a low-quality computer generated helicopter]'' Ugandan Ghetto Air Force
*The man is killing us, man! Press the bomb, over. Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
nwbmyqdnc73a57i673yxx2uhx5qkkkm
3935049
3935048
2026-04-30T16:45:20Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* Richard */
3935049
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
[[File:Flag of Uganda.svg|thumb| Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.]]
'''''[[w:Who_Killed_Captain_Alex?|Who Killed Captain Alex?]]''''' is a 2010 Ugandan action comedy film written, produced, and directed by [[w:Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana|Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey Nabwana]] (I.G.G.). The film is about a war in Kampala between the Ugandan military, led by Captain Alex, and the Tiger Mafia.
: ''Directed and written by Nabwana I.G.G.''
{{center|'''EXPECT THE UNEXPECTABLE'''}}
== VJ Emmie ==
* Who Killed Captain Alex: the [[Ugandan]] first action-packed movie.
*''[Scene shows a flooded abandoned backlot]'' The pearl of Africa!
* Ugandan [[Bruce Lee]]. We call him - Bruce U.
* [''mocking woman''] Will you marry me? [''mocking Alex''] I prefer men. [''woman''] What? No!
* Everybody in [[Uganda]] knows kung fu!
* [''mocking soldiers''] I'm making German food. German food? We found German tourists. We are cooking them. Oh. Very, very good. Save me the head... like [[Predator (film)|Predator]]!
*''[a woman is being tortured]'' She was caught watching [[w:Cinema of Nigeria|Nigerian movies]]. This is Uganda, we watch Wakaliwood!
*One hell of a movie!
* ''[Describing a low-quality computer generated helicopter]'' Ugandan Ghetto Air Force
*The man is killing us, man! Press the bomb, over. Drop the bomb man!
* I hope you enjoyed Captain Alex. And be sure, tell everyone... that Uganda is crazy!
== Richard ==
* Then '''who killed Captain Alex'''? Who?!
* [''talking to corrupt official''] You can't intimidate me. And know this, you diarrhea squirt: I will get my brother back.
* Bitch. How dare you still live?
*I have dozens of wives, but only one brother.
== External links ==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1813757}}
* {{youTube|BymeLkZ7GqM|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' original trailer}}
* {{youTube|KEoGrbKAyKE|title=''Who Killed Captain Alex?'' full movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=who_killed_captain_alex|title=Who Killed Captain Alex?}}
[[Category:2010 films]]
[[Category:Luganda-language films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:War films]]
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God in Christianity
0
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3935143
3917915
2026-04-30T22:01:49Z
Dronebogus
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3935143
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[File:By Dore, Gustave; La Sainte Trinite.jpg|thumb| For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. —{{w|John 3:16}} ([[KJV]])]]
In [[Christianity]], '''[[w:God in Christianity|God]]''' is believed to be the [[w:God and eternity|eternal]], supreme being who [[w:Creator god|created]] and [[w:God the Sustainer|preserves]] all things. Most [[Christians]] believe in a [[Monotheism|monotheistic]], [[Trinity#One God in three persons|trinitarian]] conception of [[God]], which is both [[w:Transcendence (religion)|transcendent]] (wholly independent of, and removed from, the material universe) and [[w:Immanence|immanent]] (involved in the material universe). Most Christians believe in a singular God that exists in a [[Trinity]], which consists of three persons: [[w:God the Father|God the Father]], [[w:God the Son|God the Son]], and [[w:God the Holy Spirit|God the Holy Spirit]]. Christian teachings on the transcendence, immanence, and involvement of God in the world and his love for humanity exclude the belief that God is of the same substance as the created universe (rejection of [[pantheism]]) but accept that God the Son assumed [[w:Hypostatic union|hypostatically united]] human nature, thus becoming man in a unique event known as "the [[w:Incarnation (Christianity)|Incarnation]]".
== Quotes ==
:<small>Arranged chronologically</small>
* Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven, Give us this day our daily bread: And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive them that trespass against us: And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, For ever and ever. Amen.
** {{w|Lord's Prayer}} from Matthew 6:9 and Luke 11:2 ([[Book of Common Prayer|BCP]])
* In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.{{pb}}The same was in the beginning with God.{{pb}}All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.{{pb}}In him was life; and the life was the light of men.{{pb}}And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.
** John 1:5 ([[KJV]])
* For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
** {{w|John 3:16}} ([[KJV]])
* God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
** John 4:24 ([[KJV]])
*Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
:* John 14:6 ([[KJV]])
*Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
:* 1 John 4:8 ([[KJV]])
* There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
** 1 Corinthians 10:13 ([[KJV]])
*The [[Islam|Islamic]] [[God]] has nothing in common with man: he is a Presence without measure, blending personality and impersonality in himself. [...] For the Christian, it is clear here what the [[Trinity]] means to him, namely that God is a relationship between persons, that is, intrinsically human. [...] The Christian God is a person and can only be understood as a relationship between persons.
:*Don [[Gianni Baget Bozzo]], from ''L'uomo, l'angelo, il demone'' (Man, Angel, Demon), Rizzoli, 1989, pp. 148-149.
* Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:{{pb}}Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:{{pb}}But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:{{pb}}And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.{{pb}}Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:{{pb}}That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;{{pb}}And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
** Philippians 2:5-11 ([[KJV]])
* For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
** Hebrews 4:12 ([[KJV]])
* Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
** James 1:17 ([[KJV]])
* The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
** 2 Peter 3:9 ([[KJV]])
* And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
** Revelation 21:3 ([[KJV]])
* Glory be to the Father, and to the Son: and to the Holy Ghost;<br>As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be: world without end.
** ''{{w|Gloria Patri}}'' in English ([[Book of Common Prayer|BCP]]); compare the {{w|doxology}} derived from {{w|Thomas Ken}}'s "Morning Hymn" in ''Manual for Winchester Scholars'' (1695; rev. 1712):{{pb}}Praise God, from whom all blessings flow,<br>Praise Him all Creatures here below,<br>Praise Him above ye Heavenly Host,<br>Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
* Batter my heart, three-person’d God; for you<br>As yet but knock; breathe, shine, and seek to mend;<br>That I may rise, and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend<br>Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.<br>I, like an usurp’d town, to another due,<br> Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.<br>Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,<br>But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.<br>Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,<br>But am betroth’d unto your enemy;<br>Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,<br>Take me to you, imprison me, for I,<br>Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,<br>Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.
** [[John Donne]], ''{{w|Holy Sonnets}}'' (1633), [[w:Batter my heart, three-person'd God|Sonnet XIV]]
* Strong Son of God, immortal Love,<br> Whom we, that have not seen thy face,<br> By faith, and faith alone, embrace,<br>Believing where we cannot prove;{{pb}}Thine are these orbs of light and shade;<br> Thou madest Life in man and brute;<br> Thou madest Death; and lo, thy foot<br>Is on the skull which thou hast made.{{pb}}Thou wilt not leave us in the dust:<br> Thou madest man, he knows not why,<br> He thinks he was not made to die;<br>And thou hast made him: thou art just.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], preface to ''{{w|In Memoriam A.H.H.}}'' (1850)
* Man’s word is God in man.
* The King will follow Christ, and we the King<br>In whom high God hath breathed a secret thing.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], "The Coming of Arthur", ''{{w|Idylls of the King}}'' (1859)
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:Christianity]]
[[Category:God|Christianity]]
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German reunification
0
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3509490
2026-04-30T22:58:53Z
Dronebogus
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wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''[[W:German reunification|German reunification]]''' refers to the process by which [[East Germany]] was dissolved and reintegrated into the [[Federal Republic of Germany]]. It began on 2 May 1989 after [[Hungary]] opened its border with [[Austria]], allowing thousands of East Germans to flee there. This led to the Peaceful Revolution in which the [[Berlin Wall]] was torn down and in which East Germany allowed free elections of a new government which unified with West Germany. The process completed on 15 March 1991 when the two Germanies, the [[United States]], the [[United Kingdom]], [[France]], and the [[Soviet Union]] signed the [[w:Treaty_on_the_Final_Settlement_with_Respect_to_Germany|Treaty on the Final Settlement with Respect to Germany]] recognizing the reunified German state as sovereign.
{{history-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* I remember vividly in 1974 being in the mass of people, descending the streets in my native [[Lisbon]], in [[Portugal]], celebrating the [[Carnation Revolution|democratic revolution]] and [[freedom]]. This same feeling of joy was experienced by the same generation in [[Spain]] and [[Greece]]. It was felt later in [[Central and Eastern Europe]] and in the [[wikipedia:Baltic_States|Baltic States]] when they regained their [[independence]]. Several generations of Europeans have shown again and again that their choice for [[Europe]] was also a choice for [[freedom]]. I will never forget [[wikipedia:Mstislav_Rostropovich|Rostropovich]] playing [[Johann Sebastian Bach|Bach]] at the fallen [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] in [[Berlin]]. This image reminds the world that it was the quest for freedom and [[democracy]] that tore down the old divisions and made possible the reunification of the continent. Joining the [[European Union]] was essential for the [[Democratization|consolidation of democracy]] in our countries. Because it places the person and respect of human dignity at its heart. Because it gives a voice to differences while creating unity. And so, after reunification, Europe was able to breathe with both its lungs, as said by [[Karol Wojtyła|Karol Wojtiła]]. The European Union has become our common house. The “homeland of our homelands” as described by [[Václav Havel|Vaclav Havel]].
** {{w|José Manuel Barroso}}, [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/2012/eu/lecture/ Nobel Peace Prize Lecture of the European Union], 10 December 2012
* East Germany, apparently the most successful [[Communism|Communist]] regime, although with its economy wrecked by ideological mismanagement, was on the edge of [[bankruptcy]] in the autumn of 1989. It had only been able to continue that long thanks to large loans from the West, notably [[West Germany]]. As a sign of good relations, [[Erich Honecker]] paid an official visit to West Germany in 1987. However, the East German government could no longer finance its social programmes. [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]]’s [[Perestroika|''glasnost'' and ''perestroika'']], to which Honecker reacted critically, intensified the regime’s loss of legitimacy and, by September, East German society was dissolving as people, especially the younger generation, left in large numbers. [[Hungary]]’s opening of its Austrian border on 2 May had permitted substantial numbers of East Germans to leave for West Germany via Hungary and [[Austria]]. They abandoned not only economic failure but also the lack of modern civilisation in the shape of [[Freedom of expression|free expression]], tolerance, opportunity and cultural vitality. Hungary refused to heed pressure from East Germany to stem the tide of departures, and Gorbachev was unwilling to help. In the first nine months of the year, 110,000 East Germans resettled in West Germany.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* Others took part in mass demonstrations in East Germany, notably in the major city of Leipzig from 4 September, with steadily larger numbers demonstrating. A sense of failure and emptiness demoralised supporters of the regime, while West German [[Consumerism|consumerist]] [[democracy]], and what had been pejoratively termed the fetishism of ‘things’, proved far more attractive to the bulk of the population. The repressive state, moreover, no longer terrified. Indeed, it had suffered a massive failure of [[Espionage|intelligence]], with a serious inability to understand developments, let alone to anticipate them. All its intercepted letters and spying availed the Stasi naught. In addition, the situation was very different to that when East Germany had faced disturbances in 1953 and 1961: unwilling to compromise its domestic and international reputation, the regime did not wish to rely on force. The old ruthlessness was no longer there: the [[Leninist]] instinct for survival had been lost. The East German army anyway was unwilling to act. Moreover, the nature of the demonstrations – both peaceful and without central leadership – lessened the opportunity for repression; not that that had stopped the [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese authorities]] earlier in the year.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* [[Erich Honecker|Honecker]] was deposed by his colleagues on 16 October 1989, but, under pressure from popular action, they could not gain control of the situation, nor even, more significantly, produce an impression of control. The entire government and Politburo resigned on 7–8 November, and, on 9 November, the Berlin Wall was opened. An occasion and symbol of [[freedom]], the Fall of the Wall became a totemic act, like that of the [[wikipedia:Bastille|Bastille]] in [[Paris]] in 1789 at the outset of the [[French Revolution]]. However, whereas only a few insignificant prisoners were freed from the Bastille, large numbers of East Berliners poured over the now open border. The significance of the popular action in East Germany in 1989 was picked out in March 2014 when President [[Park Geun-hye]] of [[South Korea]] spoke in Dresden setting out proposals to ease reunification with [[North Korea]]. Developments in East Germany invite counterfactuals including, ‘What if the [[Hungary|Hungarians]] had not opened their [[Austria|Austrian]] border, permitting a mass exodus of East Germans that destabilised the state?’, as well as the question whether the East German system could have been stabilised by removing Honecker earlier, and giving reform Communism a greater chance.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* Just pause for a moment to reflect on what we've done. [[Germany]] is [[wikipedia:German unification|united]], and a slab of the [[Berlin Wall]] sits right outside this [[wikipedia:Houston Astrodome|Astrodome]]. [[Arabs]] and [[Israel|Israelis]] now sit face to face and talk peace, and every hostage held in [[Lebanon]] is free. The [[wikipedia:Salvadoran Civil War|conflict]] in [[El Salvador]] is over, and free elections brought [[democracy]] to [[Nicaragua]]. [[Black people|Black]] and [[White people|white]] [[South Africa|South Africans]] cheered each other at the [[Olympic Games|Olympics]]. The Soviet Union can only be found in history books. The captive nations of [[wikipedia:Eastern Bloc|Eastern Europe]] and the [[wikipedia:Baltic States|Baltics]] are captive no more. And today on the rural streets of [[Poland]], merchants sell cans of air labeled "the last breath of communism." If I had stood before you 4 years ago and described this as the world we would help to build, you would have said, "George Bush, you must have been smoking something, and you must have inhaled." This convention is the first at which an [[President of the United States|American President]] can say the [[Cold War|cold war]] is over, and [[freedom]] finished first.
** [[George H. W. Bush]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-accepting-the-presidential-nomination-the-republican-national-convention-houston Remarks Accepting the Presidential Nomination at the Republican National Convention in Houston], (20 August 1992)
* On the very same day the first brick of the Ram Shila foundation was being laid at [[Ayodhya]], the Berliners were removing bricks from the Berlin Wall. While a [[Ayodhya dispute|temple]] was going up in Ayodhya, a communist temple was being demolished five thousand miles away in [[Europe]]. If this is not history, I do not know what is. (...) The post-[[Jawaharlal Nehru|Nehru]] era began at [[Ayodhya dispute|Ayodhya]] on November 9, and it will gather momentum in the years to come, just as the post-communist era in Europe and elsewhere.
** Jay Dubashi (commenting on these two important events on the same day on November 9, 1989), From Shilanyas to Berlin Wall in The Road to Ayodhya (also [https://web.archive.org/web/20170628170636/http://www.voiceofdharma.org/books/htemples1/ch8.htm]), quoted from [[Koenraad Elst|Elst, Koenraad]] (2014). Decolonizing the Hindu mind: Ideological development of Hindu revivalism. New Delhi: Rupa. p.302-3
* I remember 1989 vividly, having spent much of that summer in [[Berlin]] before the [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] fell. And while [[wikipedia:Revolutions_of_1989|largely peaceful revolutions]] swept through [[East/Central Europe|Central and Eastern Europe]] that year (it was only three years later, in [[Yugoslavia]], that the death of [[Communism]] sparked [[Yugoslav Wars|war]]), there was no such turning point in [[China]], where 1989 also saw the [[Tiananmen square massacre|Tiananmen Square massacre]]. With the benefit of hindsight, the survival of Communism in China was a more significant historical phenomenon than its collapse east of the [[wikipedia:River_Elbe|River Elbe]].
** [[Niall Ferguson]], "We have seen very few years in history that have been truly pivotal. This could be one.", ''The Mail on Sunday'', March 20, 2022.
* I find it difficult to say whether the leadership's 'second echelon' could have preserved the German Democratic Republic. [[Helmut Kohl]] later told me he had never believed that [[wikipedia:Egon_Krenz|Egon Krenz]] was capable of getting the situation under control. I do not know - we are all wiser after the event, as the saying goes. For my part, I must admit I briefly had a faint hope that the new leaders would be able to change the course of events by establishing a new type of relations between the ''two'' German states - based on radical domestic reforms in East Germany.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], ''Memoirs'' (1995)
* In the summer of 1989, neither [[Helmut Kohl]] nor I anticipated ... that everything would happen so fast. We didn’t expect the wall to come down in November. And by the way, we both admitted that later. I don’t claim to be a [[prophet]]. This happens in [[history]]: it accelerates its progress. It punishes those who are late. But it has an even harsher punishment for those who try to stand in its way. It would have been a big mistake to hold onto the [[wikipedia:Iron Curtain|Iron Curtain]]. That is why we didn’t put any pressure on the government of the GDR. When events started to develop at a speed that no one expected, the Soviet leadership unanimously – and I want to stress “unanimously” – decided not to interfere in the internal processes that were under way in the GDR, not to let our troops leave their garrisons under any circumstances. I am confident to this day that it was the right decision.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], as quoted in an [https://www.rbth.com/international/2014/10/16/mikhail_gorbachev_i_am_against_all_walls_40673.html interview with ''Russia Beyond''] (16 October 2014)
* That summer of 1989, the bicentennial of the [[French Revolution]], [[Moscow]] lost its grip on the handle of Soviet power. In August, [[history]] descended into irony when a member of the [[European Parliament]], [[w:Otto_von_Habsburg|Otto von Habsburg]], pretender to the [[w:Austria-Hungary|Austro-Hungarian]] throne, co-sponsored a ‘[[w:Pan-European_picnic|pan-European picnic]]’ on the [[Austria]]–[[Hungary]] border. Hundreds of East Germans trekked to it and, in a gesture of [[friendship]], officials temporarily opened the border gates. Six hundred ‘picnickers’ stampeded across before they closed–and did not return. Pandemonium ensued as thousands rushed to the spot. On 11 September the Hungarian government announced that they could no longer control the border. It opened, and some 30,000 East Germans crossed to the west. The Iron Curtain was breached, and the East German leader, Erich Honecker, resigned. In October the Hungarian government declared a new [[republic]] and free [[elections]]. A month later, on 9 November 1989, East Germany announced that east–west movement through the Berlin Wall would be eased. As crowds rushed the gates, [[soldiers]] abandoned all attempts to stop them. Ecstatic masses climbed the wall and lined its fortifications. Pictures of this photogenic symbol of ideological collapse flashed round the globe.
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* The forty-year-old Iron Curtain fell because tens of thousands of people, long denied democracy, simply voted with their feet. They were able to do so because Gorbachev had abandoned the centralized [[discipline]] on which the Soviet empire relied. Other regimes lacked the political will to enforce the incarceration of an entire generation of Europeans. Later that month, I visited a small border village in Upper Saxony to witness local people cutting their stretch of the fence. They rushed through the gap to embrace their erstwhile neighbours, elderly relatives whom they had thought they would never see again. It was a tear-stained vignette of Europe’s most uplifting moment since the end of the [[World War II|Second World War]]. A divide had been crossed, but had a division been ended?
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* West Germany’s Helmut Kohl was on a visit to [[Poland]] in November 1989 when told of the fall of the Berlin Wall. It is said he wept tears of joy. He called for the immediate reunification of his country. Both [[France]] and [[United Kingdom|Britain]] were less sure. [[Margaret Thatcher|Thatcher]] seemed to regret the passing of the old order, and warned that a reunited ‘Germany would once again dominate the whole of Europe’. To Kohl it was a matter of practicality. In just two months from the opening of the wall, 200,000 East Germans migrated to the west. East Germany’s economy faced collapse. There was not even a plebiscite on reunification. [[Elections]] were held and by July 1990 new members from the [[w:new_states_of_Germany|East German provinces]] took their seats in the Reichstag. A vote was then taken on moving Germany’s capital back to [[Berlin]], decided on a tide of emotion driven by the East Germans. The new provinces became a sorely [[Depression (economics)|depressed]] part of Europe’s richest state and were to emerge as its most [[Conservatism|conservative]] region politically. The former east contributed just five per cent to German output, but was to double the [[national debt]].
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* [[Perestroika|General Secretary Gorbachev’s policy of restructuring]] brings with it, for the first time since the end of [[World War II]], a justifiable hope of overcoming the East-West conflict.
** [[Helmut Kohl]], ''[[wikipedia:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, September 22, 1990; in its article; ''Berlin—A Mirror of Our World''?
* I am not the one trying to speed things up. We are being driven.
** [[Helmut Kohl]]
** On November 9, 1989, the Berlin Wall fell. The idea of German reunification, often discussed but considered unrealistic, once again became a subject of heated debate. Reunification now appeared inevitable, but scarcely anyone ventured to prophesy how soon it would come. German chancellor Helmut Kohl remarked those mentioned words when was accused of pushing unification plans too fast.
** "The Dream of European Unity", ''[[wikipedia:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, (December 22, 1991).
* The example of East Germany exerts a far greater cautionary effect on the North Koreans than [[Muammar Gaddafi|Qaddafi]]’s [[2011 Libyan civil war|fate]] does. The [[wikipedia:Erich_Honecker|Honecker]] regime took what Americans and South Koreans keep recommending to [[North Korea]] as the “pragmatic” way out of its problems: It began opening up to the West, quasi-formally recognized the rival coethnic state’s right to exist, and focused on improving its own [[Citizenship|citizens]]’ standard of living. We all know how that ended.
** [[Brian Reynolds Myers]], as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20181107004029/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/01/the-problem-with-south-korea-yes-south-korea.html "Sympathy for North Korea: Why South Koreans might just be willing to align with Kim Jong-un."] (3 January 2018), by Isaac Chotiner, ''Slate''
* East Germany ranked higher among the world’s economies than [[Economy of South Korea|South Korea]] does today, and was able to make some claim to superiority over the Federal Republic on [[Socialism|socialist]] grounds. The Wall came down anyway.
** [[Brian Reynolds Myers]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20180322213346/https://sthelepress.com/index.php/2022/06/03/18284/ "And Then What? (Again)"] (3 June 2022), ''Sthele Press''
* By 1989, shooting people on the border was unacceptable, and even the cosseted old men at Wandlitz knew it. None the less, the Wall still stood proud and ugly, with its sturdy blocks, its spikes and fences and alarms and watch-towers, seemingly permanent and impregnable. Its fate would not be determined in Berlin. Mostly it would be decided hundreds of miles away, by people who had decided that a Communism which needed to be enforced by guns and barbed wire was not a Communism worth having.
** [[wikipedia:Frederick Taylor (historian)|Frederick Taylor]], ''The Berlin Wall: 13 August 1961 – 9 November 1989'' (2006).
* We do not want a united Germany. This would lead to a change to [[Aftermath of World War II|postwar]] borders and we cannot allow that because such a development would undermine the stability of the whole [[International relations|international situation]] and could endanger [[National security|our security]].
** [[Margaret Thatcher]] as quoted in [http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-opinion/how-margaret-thatcher-pleaded-with-gorbachev-not-to-let-the-berlin-wall-fall-out-of-london/article183758.ece "How Margaret Thatcher pleaded with Gorbachev not to let the Berlin Wall fall out of london"], by Hasan Suroor, ''The Hindu'', 15 September 2009, retrieved 8 November 2009.
* The [[France|French]] writer, [[Albert Camus]], once lamented that "man eventually becomes accustomed to everything". I have always believed that this is an unjustly pessimistic view of [[Human nature|our human condition]]; and in recent weeks I have seen enough to convince me that Camus, on this point at least, was wrong: 30,000 East Germans abandoning home, friends, jobs, everything, to escape to a new life of opportunity but also uncertainty in the West; thousands of [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] [[Mining|miners]] [[Strike action|striking]] not for more pay, but for better supplies; the joy of [[Poles]] as they greet [[Tadeusz Mazowiecki|their first non-Communist Prime Minister]] in 40 years; over a million inhabitants of the [[wikipedia:Baltic_states|Baltic states]] forming a human chain to protest against the forced annexation of their nations; demonstrators in [[Prague]] braving the security forces to mark the 21st anniversary of the Warsaw Pact invasion; or in Leipzig calling for [[freedom of speech]]. Clearly the peoples of the East have not become accustomed to their lot. [[Totalitarianism|Totalitarian]] rule has not made people less attracted by [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and self-determination. The opposite is true. Nor has it made them incapable of exercising these values through political organization and self-expression: look at the debates in the new Congress of the People's Deputies, the activities of the popular fronts, Solidarity in [[Poland]] or the opposition parties in [[Hungary]]. The demand for [[pluralism]] and reform can now be heard in every Eastern nation.
** [[wikipedia:Manfred Wörner|Manfred Wörner]], [https://www.nato.int/docu/speech/1989/s891009a_e.htm Address given at the 35th Annual Session of the North Atlantic Assembly], 9 October 1989
== See also ==
* [[East Germany]]
== External links ==
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[[Category:20th century in Germany]]
[[Category:History stubs]]
[[Category:1980s in Europe]]
[[Category:Cold War]]
[[Category:1990s in Europe]]
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[[File:West and East Germans at the Brandenburg Gate in 1989.jpg|thumb| The [[wikipedia:Erich_Honecker|Honecker]] regime took what Americans and South Koreans keep recommending to [[North Korea]] as the “pragmatic” way out of its problems: It began opening up to the West, quasi-formally recognized the rival coethnic state’s right to exist, and focused on improving its own [[Citizenship|citizens]]’ standard of living. We all know how that ended. —[[Brian Reynolds Myers]]]]
'''[[W:German reunification|German reunification]]''' refers to the process by which [[East Germany]] was dissolved and reintegrated into the [[Federal Republic of Germany]]. It began on 2 May 1989 after [[Hungary]] opened its border with [[Austria]], allowing thousands of East Germans to flee there. This led to the Peaceful Revolution in which the [[Berlin Wall]] was torn down and in which East Germany allowed free elections of a new government which unified with West Germany. The process completed on 15 March 1991 when the two Germanies, the [[United States]], the [[United Kingdom]], [[France]], and the [[Soviet Union]] signed the [[w:Treaty_on_the_Final_Settlement_with_Respect_to_Germany|Treaty on the Final Settlement with Respect to Germany]] recognizing the reunified German state as sovereign.
{{history-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* I remember vividly in 1974 being in the mass of people, descending the streets in my native [[Lisbon]], in [[Portugal]], celebrating the [[Carnation Revolution|democratic revolution]] and [[freedom]]. This same feeling of joy was experienced by the same generation in [[Spain]] and [[Greece]]. It was felt later in [[Central and Eastern Europe]] and in the [[wikipedia:Baltic_States|Baltic States]] when they regained their [[independence]]. Several generations of Europeans have shown again and again that their choice for [[Europe]] was also a choice for [[freedom]]. I will never forget [[wikipedia:Mstislav_Rostropovich|Rostropovich]] playing [[Johann Sebastian Bach|Bach]] at the fallen [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] in [[Berlin]]. This image reminds the world that it was the quest for freedom and [[democracy]] that tore down the old divisions and made possible the reunification of the continent. Joining the [[European Union]] was essential for the [[Democratization|consolidation of democracy]] in our countries. Because it places the person and respect of human dignity at its heart. Because it gives a voice to differences while creating unity. And so, after reunification, Europe was able to breathe with both its lungs, as said by [[Karol Wojtyła|Karol Wojtiła]]. The European Union has become our common house. The “homeland of our homelands” as described by [[Václav Havel|Vaclav Havel]].
** {{w|José Manuel Barroso}}, [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/2012/eu/lecture/ Nobel Peace Prize Lecture of the European Union], 10 December 2012
* East Germany, apparently the most successful [[Communism|Communist]] regime, although with its economy wrecked by ideological mismanagement, was on the edge of [[bankruptcy]] in the autumn of 1989. It had only been able to continue that long thanks to large loans from the West, notably [[West Germany]]. As a sign of good relations, [[Erich Honecker]] paid an official visit to West Germany in 1987. However, the East German government could no longer finance its social programmes. [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]]’s [[Perestroika|''glasnost'' and ''perestroika'']], to which Honecker reacted critically, intensified the regime’s loss of legitimacy and, by September, East German society was dissolving as people, especially the younger generation, left in large numbers. [[Hungary]]’s opening of its Austrian border on 2 May had permitted substantial numbers of East Germans to leave for West Germany via Hungary and [[Austria]]. They abandoned not only economic failure but also the lack of modern civilisation in the shape of [[Freedom of expression|free expression]], tolerance, opportunity and cultural vitality. Hungary refused to heed pressure from East Germany to stem the tide of departures, and Gorbachev was unwilling to help. In the first nine months of the year, 110,000 East Germans resettled in West Germany.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* Others took part in mass demonstrations in East Germany, notably in the major city of Leipzig from 4 September, with steadily larger numbers demonstrating. A sense of failure and emptiness demoralised supporters of the regime, while West German [[Consumerism|consumerist]] [[democracy]], and what had been pejoratively termed the fetishism of ‘things’, proved far more attractive to the bulk of the population. The repressive state, moreover, no longer terrified. Indeed, it had suffered a massive failure of [[Espionage|intelligence]], with a serious inability to understand developments, let alone to anticipate them. All its intercepted letters and spying availed the Stasi naught. In addition, the situation was very different to that when East Germany had faced disturbances in 1953 and 1961: unwilling to compromise its domestic and international reputation, the regime did not wish to rely on force. The old ruthlessness was no longer there: the [[Leninist]] instinct for survival had been lost. The East German army anyway was unwilling to act. Moreover, the nature of the demonstrations – both peaceful and without central leadership – lessened the opportunity for repression; not that that had stopped the [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese authorities]] earlier in the year.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* [[Erich Honecker|Honecker]] was deposed by his colleagues on 16 October 1989, but, under pressure from popular action, they could not gain control of the situation, nor even, more significantly, produce an impression of control. The entire government and Politburo resigned on 7–8 November, and, on 9 November, the Berlin Wall was opened. An occasion and symbol of [[freedom]], the Fall of the Wall became a totemic act, like that of the [[wikipedia:Bastille|Bastille]] in [[Paris]] in 1789 at the outset of the [[French Revolution]]. However, whereas only a few insignificant prisoners were freed from the Bastille, large numbers of East Berliners poured over the now open border. The significance of the popular action in East Germany in 1989 was picked out in March 2014 when President [[Park Geun-hye]] of [[South Korea]] spoke in Dresden setting out proposals to ease reunification with [[North Korea]]. Developments in East Germany invite counterfactuals including, ‘What if the [[Hungary|Hungarians]] had not opened their [[Austria|Austrian]] border, permitting a mass exodus of East Germans that destabilised the state?’, as well as the question whether the East German system could have been stabilised by removing Honecker earlier, and giving reform Communism a greater chance.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* Just pause for a moment to reflect on what we've done. [[Germany]] is [[wikipedia:German unification|united]], and a slab of the [[Berlin Wall]] sits right outside this [[wikipedia:Houston Astrodome|Astrodome]]. [[Arabs]] and [[Israel|Israelis]] now sit face to face and talk peace, and every hostage held in [[Lebanon]] is free. The [[wikipedia:Salvadoran Civil War|conflict]] in [[El Salvador]] is over, and free elections brought [[democracy]] to [[Nicaragua]]. [[Black people|Black]] and [[White people|white]] [[South Africa|South Africans]] cheered each other at the [[Olympic Games|Olympics]]. The Soviet Union can only be found in history books. The captive nations of [[wikipedia:Eastern Bloc|Eastern Europe]] and the [[wikipedia:Baltic States|Baltics]] are captive no more. And today on the rural streets of [[Poland]], merchants sell cans of air labeled "the last breath of communism." If I had stood before you 4 years ago and described this as the world we would help to build, you would have said, "George Bush, you must have been smoking something, and you must have inhaled." This convention is the first at which an [[President of the United States|American President]] can say the [[Cold War|cold war]] is over, and [[freedom]] finished first.
** [[George H. W. Bush]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-accepting-the-presidential-nomination-the-republican-national-convention-houston Remarks Accepting the Presidential Nomination at the Republican National Convention in Houston], (20 August 1992)
* On the very same day the first brick of the Ram Shila foundation was being laid at [[Ayodhya]], the Berliners were removing bricks from the Berlin Wall. While a [[Ayodhya dispute|temple]] was going up in Ayodhya, a communist temple was being demolished five thousand miles away in [[Europe]]. If this is not history, I do not know what is. (...) The post-[[Jawaharlal Nehru|Nehru]] era began at [[Ayodhya dispute|Ayodhya]] on November 9, and it will gather momentum in the years to come, just as the post-communist era in Europe and elsewhere.
** Jay Dubashi (commenting on these two important events on the same day on November 9, 1989), From Shilanyas to Berlin Wall in The Road to Ayodhya (also [https://web.archive.org/web/20170628170636/http://www.voiceofdharma.org/books/htemples1/ch8.htm]), quoted from [[Koenraad Elst|Elst, Koenraad]] (2014). Decolonizing the Hindu mind: Ideological development of Hindu revivalism. New Delhi: Rupa. p.302-3
* I remember 1989 vividly, having spent much of that summer in [[Berlin]] before the [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] fell. And while [[wikipedia:Revolutions_of_1989|largely peaceful revolutions]] swept through [[East/Central Europe|Central and Eastern Europe]] that year (it was only three years later, in [[Yugoslavia]], that the death of [[Communism]] sparked [[Yugoslav Wars|war]]), there was no such turning point in [[China]], where 1989 also saw the [[Tiananmen square massacre|Tiananmen Square massacre]]. With the benefit of hindsight, the survival of Communism in China was a more significant historical phenomenon than its collapse east of the [[wikipedia:River_Elbe|River Elbe]].
** [[Niall Ferguson]], "We have seen very few years in history that have been truly pivotal. This could be one.", ''The Mail on Sunday'', March 20, 2022.
* I find it difficult to say whether the leadership's 'second echelon' could have preserved the German Democratic Republic. [[Helmut Kohl]] later told me he had never believed that [[wikipedia:Egon_Krenz|Egon Krenz]] was capable of getting the situation under control. I do not know - we are all wiser after the event, as the saying goes. For my part, I must admit I briefly had a faint hope that the new leaders would be able to change the course of events by establishing a new type of relations between the ''two'' German states - based on radical domestic reforms in East Germany.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], ''Memoirs'' (1995)
* In the summer of 1989, neither [[Helmut Kohl]] nor I anticipated ... that everything would happen so fast. We didn’t expect the wall to come down in November. And by the way, we both admitted that later. I don’t claim to be a [[prophet]]. This happens in [[history]]: it accelerates its progress. It punishes those who are late. But it has an even harsher punishment for those who try to stand in its way. It would have been a big mistake to hold onto the [[wikipedia:Iron Curtain|Iron Curtain]]. That is why we didn’t put any pressure on the government of the GDR. When events started to develop at a speed that no one expected, the Soviet leadership unanimously – and I want to stress “unanimously” – decided not to interfere in the internal processes that were under way in the GDR, not to let our troops leave their garrisons under any circumstances. I am confident to this day that it was the right decision.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], as quoted in an [https://www.rbth.com/international/2014/10/16/mikhail_gorbachev_i_am_against_all_walls_40673.html interview with ''Russia Beyond''] (16 October 2014)
* That summer of 1989, the bicentennial of the [[French Revolution]], [[Moscow]] lost its grip on the handle of Soviet power. In August, [[history]] descended into irony when a member of the [[European Parliament]], [[w:Otto_von_Habsburg|Otto von Habsburg]], pretender to the [[w:Austria-Hungary|Austro-Hungarian]] throne, co-sponsored a ‘[[w:Pan-European_picnic|pan-European picnic]]’ on the [[Austria]]–[[Hungary]] border. Hundreds of East Germans trekked to it and, in a gesture of [[friendship]], officials temporarily opened the border gates. Six hundred ‘picnickers’ stampeded across before they closed–and did not return. Pandemonium ensued as thousands rushed to the spot. On 11 September the Hungarian government announced that they could no longer control the border. It opened, and some 30,000 East Germans crossed to the west. The Iron Curtain was breached, and the East German leader, Erich Honecker, resigned. In October the Hungarian government declared a new [[republic]] and free [[elections]]. A month later, on 9 November 1989, East Germany announced that east–west movement through the Berlin Wall would be eased. As crowds rushed the gates, [[soldiers]] abandoned all attempts to stop them. Ecstatic masses climbed the wall and lined its fortifications. Pictures of this photogenic symbol of ideological collapse flashed round the globe.
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* The forty-year-old Iron Curtain fell because tens of thousands of people, long denied democracy, simply voted with their feet. They were able to do so because Gorbachev had abandoned the centralized [[discipline]] on which the Soviet empire relied. Other regimes lacked the political will to enforce the incarceration of an entire generation of Europeans. Later that month, I visited a small border village in Upper Saxony to witness local people cutting their stretch of the fence. They rushed through the gap to embrace their erstwhile neighbours, elderly relatives whom they had thought they would never see again. It was a tear-stained vignette of Europe’s most uplifting moment since the end of the [[World War II|Second World War]]. A divide had been crossed, but had a division been ended?
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* West Germany’s Helmut Kohl was on a visit to [[Poland]] in November 1989 when told of the fall of the Berlin Wall. It is said he wept tears of joy. He called for the immediate reunification of his country. Both [[France]] and [[United Kingdom|Britain]] were less sure. [[Margaret Thatcher|Thatcher]] seemed to regret the passing of the old order, and warned that a reunited ‘Germany would once again dominate the whole of Europe’. To Kohl it was a matter of practicality. In just two months from the opening of the wall, 200,000 East Germans migrated to the west. East Germany’s economy faced collapse. There was not even a plebiscite on reunification. [[Elections]] were held and by July 1990 new members from the [[w:new_states_of_Germany|East German provinces]] took their seats in the Reichstag. A vote was then taken on moving Germany’s capital back to [[Berlin]], decided on a tide of emotion driven by the East Germans. The new provinces became a sorely [[Depression (economics)|depressed]] part of Europe’s richest state and were to emerge as its most [[Conservatism|conservative]] region politically. The former east contributed just five per cent to German output, but was to double the [[national debt]].
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* [[Perestroika|General Secretary Gorbachev’s policy of restructuring]] brings with it, for the first time since the end of [[World War II]], a justifiable hope of overcoming the East-West conflict.
** [[Helmut Kohl]], ''[[wikipedia:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, September 22, 1990; in its article; ''Berlin—A Mirror of Our World''?
* I am not the one trying to speed things up. We are being driven.
** [[Helmut Kohl]]
** On November 9, 1989, the Berlin Wall fell. The idea of German reunification, often discussed but considered unrealistic, once again became a subject of heated debate. Reunification now appeared inevitable, but scarcely anyone ventured to prophesy how soon it would come. German chancellor Helmut Kohl remarked those mentioned words when was accused of pushing unification plans too fast.
** "The Dream of European Unity", ''[[wikipedia:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, (December 22, 1991).
* The example of East Germany exerts a far greater cautionary effect on the North Koreans than [[Muammar Gaddafi|Qaddafi]]’s [[2011 Libyan civil war|fate]] does. The [[wikipedia:Erich_Honecker|Honecker]] regime took what Americans and South Koreans keep recommending to [[North Korea]] as the “pragmatic” way out of its problems: It began opening up to the West, quasi-formally recognized the rival coethnic state’s right to exist, and focused on improving its own [[Citizenship|citizens]]’ standard of living. We all know how that ended.
** [[Brian Reynolds Myers]], as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20181107004029/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/01/the-problem-with-south-korea-yes-south-korea.html "Sympathy for North Korea: Why South Koreans might just be willing to align with Kim Jong-un."] (3 January 2018), by Isaac Chotiner, ''Slate''
* East Germany ranked higher among the world’s economies than [[Economy of South Korea|South Korea]] does today, and was able to make some claim to superiority over the Federal Republic on [[Socialism|socialist]] grounds. The Wall came down anyway.
** [[Brian Reynolds Myers]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20180322213346/https://sthelepress.com/index.php/2022/06/03/18284/ "And Then What? (Again)"] (3 June 2022), ''Sthele Press''
* By 1989, shooting people on the border was unacceptable, and even the cosseted old men at Wandlitz knew it. None the less, the Wall still stood proud and ugly, with its sturdy blocks, its spikes and fences and alarms and watch-towers, seemingly permanent and impregnable. Its fate would not be determined in Berlin. Mostly it would be decided hundreds of miles away, by people who had decided that a Communism which needed to be enforced by guns and barbed wire was not a Communism worth having.
** [[wikipedia:Frederick Taylor (historian)|Frederick Taylor]], ''The Berlin Wall: 13 August 1961 – 9 November 1989'' (2006).
* We do not want a united Germany. This would lead to a change to [[Aftermath of World War II|postwar]] borders and we cannot allow that because such a development would undermine the stability of the whole [[International relations|international situation]] and could endanger [[National security|our security]].
** [[Margaret Thatcher]] as quoted in [http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-opinion/how-margaret-thatcher-pleaded-with-gorbachev-not-to-let-the-berlin-wall-fall-out-of-london/article183758.ece "How Margaret Thatcher pleaded with Gorbachev not to let the Berlin Wall fall out of london"], by Hasan Suroor, ''The Hindu'', 15 September 2009, retrieved 8 November 2009.
* The [[France|French]] writer, [[Albert Camus]], once lamented that "man eventually becomes accustomed to everything". I have always believed that this is an unjustly pessimistic view of [[Human nature|our human condition]]; and in recent weeks I have seen enough to convince me that Camus, on this point at least, was wrong: 30,000 East Germans abandoning home, friends, jobs, everything, to escape to a new life of opportunity but also uncertainty in the West; thousands of [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] [[Mining|miners]] [[Strike action|striking]] not for more pay, but for better supplies; the joy of [[Poles]] as they greet [[Tadeusz Mazowiecki|their first non-Communist Prime Minister]] in 40 years; over a million inhabitants of the [[wikipedia:Baltic_states|Baltic states]] forming a human chain to protest against the forced annexation of their nations; demonstrators in [[Prague]] braving the security forces to mark the 21st anniversary of the Warsaw Pact invasion; or in Leipzig calling for [[freedom of speech]]. Clearly the peoples of the East have not become accustomed to their lot. [[Totalitarianism|Totalitarian]] rule has not made people less attracted by [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and self-determination. The opposite is true. Nor has it made them incapable of exercising these values through political organization and self-expression: look at the debates in the new Congress of the People's Deputies, the activities of the popular fronts, Solidarity in [[Poland]] or the opposition parties in [[Hungary]]. The demand for [[pluralism]] and reform can now be heard in every Eastern nation.
** [[wikipedia:Manfred Wörner|Manfred Wörner]], [https://www.nato.int/docu/speech/1989/s891009a_e.htm Address given at the 35th Annual Session of the North Atlantic Assembly], 9 October 1989
== See also ==
* [[East Germany]]
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia-inline}}
{{Commons-inline}}
[[Category:20th century in Germany]]
[[Category:History stubs]]
[[Category:1980s in Europe]]
[[Category:Cold War]]
[[Category:1990s in Europe]]
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[[File:West and East Germans at the Brandenburg Gate in 1989.jpg|thumb| The [[wikipedia:Erich_Honecker|Honecker]] regime took what Americans and South Koreans keep recommending to [[North Korea]] as the “pragmatic” way out of its problems: It began opening up to the West, quasi-formally recognized the rival coethnic state’s right to exist, and focused on improving its own [[Citizenship|citizens]]’ standard of living. We all know how that ended. —[[Brian Reynolds Myers]]]]
'''[[W:German reunification|German reunification]]''' refers to the process by which [[East Germany]] was dissolved and reintegrated into the [[Federal Republic of Germany]]. It began on 2 May 1989 after [[Hungary]] opened its border with [[Austria]], allowing thousands of East Germans to flee there. This led to the Peaceful Revolution in which the [[Berlin Wall]] was torn down and in which East Germany allowed free elections of a new government which unified with West Germany. The process completed on 15 March 1991 when the two Germanies, the [[United States]], the [[United Kingdom]], [[France]], and the [[Soviet Union]] signed the [[w:Treaty_on_the_Final_Settlement_with_Respect_to_Germany|Treaty on the Final Settlement with Respect to Germany]] recognizing the reunified German state as sovereign.
== Quotes ==
* I remember vividly in 1974 being in the mass of people, descending the streets in my native [[Lisbon]], in [[Portugal]], celebrating the [[Carnation Revolution|democratic revolution]] and [[freedom]]. This same feeling of joy was experienced by the same generation in [[Spain]] and [[Greece]]. It was felt later in [[Central and Eastern Europe]] and in the [[wikipedia:Baltic_States|Baltic States]] when they regained their [[independence]]. Several generations of Europeans have shown again and again that their choice for [[Europe]] was also a choice for [[freedom]]. I will never forget [[wikipedia:Mstislav_Rostropovich|Rostropovich]] playing [[Johann Sebastian Bach|Bach]] at the fallen [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] in [[Berlin]]. This image reminds the world that it was the quest for freedom and [[democracy]] that tore down the old divisions and made possible the reunification of the continent. Joining the [[European Union]] was essential for the [[Democratization|consolidation of democracy]] in our countries. Because it places the person and respect of human dignity at its heart. Because it gives a voice to differences while creating unity. And so, after reunification, Europe was able to breathe with both its lungs, as said by [[Karol Wojtyła|Karol Wojtiła]]. The European Union has become our common house. The “homeland of our homelands” as described by [[Václav Havel|Vaclav Havel]].
** {{w|José Manuel Barroso}}, [https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/2012/eu/lecture/ Nobel Peace Prize Lecture of the European Union], 10 December 2012
* East Germany, apparently the most successful [[Communism|Communist]] regime, although with its economy wrecked by ideological mismanagement, was on the edge of [[bankruptcy]] in the autumn of 1989. It had only been able to continue that long thanks to large loans from the West, notably [[West Germany]]. As a sign of good relations, [[Erich Honecker]] paid an official visit to West Germany in 1987. However, the East German government could no longer finance its social programmes. [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]]’s [[Perestroika|''glasnost'' and ''perestroika'']], to which Honecker reacted critically, intensified the regime’s loss of legitimacy and, by September, East German society was dissolving as people, especially the younger generation, left in large numbers. [[Hungary]]’s opening of its Austrian border on 2 May had permitted substantial numbers of East Germans to leave for West Germany via Hungary and [[Austria]]. They abandoned not only economic failure but also the lack of modern civilisation in the shape of [[Freedom of expression|free expression]], tolerance, opportunity and cultural vitality. Hungary refused to heed pressure from East Germany to stem the tide of departures, and Gorbachev was unwilling to help. In the first nine months of the year, 110,000 East Germans resettled in West Germany.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* Others took part in mass demonstrations in East Germany, notably in the major city of Leipzig from 4 September, with steadily larger numbers demonstrating. A sense of failure and emptiness demoralised supporters of the regime, while West German [[Consumerism|consumerist]] [[democracy]], and what had been pejoratively termed the fetishism of ‘things’, proved far more attractive to the bulk of the population. The repressive state, moreover, no longer terrified. Indeed, it had suffered a massive failure of [[Espionage|intelligence]], with a serious inability to understand developments, let alone to anticipate them. All its intercepted letters and spying availed the Stasi naught. In addition, the situation was very different to that when East Germany had faced disturbances in 1953 and 1961: unwilling to compromise its domestic and international reputation, the regime did not wish to rely on force. The old ruthlessness was no longer there: the [[Leninist]] instinct for survival had been lost. The East German army anyway was unwilling to act. Moreover, the nature of the demonstrations – both peaceful and without central leadership – lessened the opportunity for repression; not that that had stopped the [[Chinese Communist Party|Chinese authorities]] earlier in the year.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* [[Erich Honecker|Honecker]] was deposed by his colleagues on 16 October 1989, but, under pressure from popular action, they could not gain control of the situation, nor even, more significantly, produce an impression of control. The entire government and Politburo resigned on 7–8 November, and, on 9 November, the Berlin Wall was opened. An occasion and symbol of [[freedom]], the Fall of the Wall became a totemic act, like that of the [[wikipedia:Bastille|Bastille]] in [[Paris]] in 1789 at the outset of the [[French Revolution]]. However, whereas only a few insignificant prisoners were freed from the Bastille, large numbers of East Berliners poured over the now open border. The significance of the popular action in East Germany in 1989 was picked out in March 2014 when President [[Park Geun-hye]] of [[South Korea]] spoke in Dresden setting out proposals to ease reunification with [[North Korea]]. Developments in East Germany invite counterfactuals including, ‘What if the [[Hungary|Hungarians]] had not opened their [[Austria|Austrian]] border, permitting a mass exodus of East Germans that destabilised the state?’, as well as the question whether the East German system could have been stabilised by removing Honecker earlier, and giving reform Communism a greater chance.
** [[Jeremy Black (historian)|Jeremy Black]], ''The Cold War: A Military History'' (2015)
* Just pause for a moment to reflect on what we've done. [[Germany]] is [[wikipedia:German unification|united]], and a slab of the [[Berlin Wall]] sits right outside this [[wikipedia:Houston Astrodome|Astrodome]]. [[Arabs]] and [[Israel|Israelis]] now sit face to face and talk peace, and every hostage held in [[Lebanon]] is free. The [[wikipedia:Salvadoran Civil War|conflict]] in [[El Salvador]] is over, and free elections brought [[democracy]] to [[Nicaragua]]. [[Black people|Black]] and [[White people|white]] [[South Africa|South Africans]] cheered each other at the [[Olympic Games|Olympics]]. The Soviet Union can only be found in history books. The captive nations of [[wikipedia:Eastern Bloc|Eastern Europe]] and the [[wikipedia:Baltic States|Baltics]] are captive no more. And today on the rural streets of [[Poland]], merchants sell cans of air labeled "the last breath of communism." If I had stood before you 4 years ago and described this as the world we would help to build, you would have said, "George Bush, you must have been smoking something, and you must have inhaled." This convention is the first at which an [[President of the United States|American President]] can say the [[Cold War|cold war]] is over, and [[freedom]] finished first.
** [[George H. W. Bush]], [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-accepting-the-presidential-nomination-the-republican-national-convention-houston Remarks Accepting the Presidential Nomination at the Republican National Convention in Houston], (20 August 1992)
* On the very same day the first brick of the Ram Shila foundation was being laid at [[Ayodhya]], the Berliners were removing bricks from the Berlin Wall. While a [[Ayodhya dispute|temple]] was going up in Ayodhya, a communist temple was being demolished five thousand miles away in [[Europe]]. If this is not history, I do not know what is. (...) The post-[[Jawaharlal Nehru|Nehru]] era began at [[Ayodhya dispute|Ayodhya]] on November 9, and it will gather momentum in the years to come, just as the post-communist era in Europe and elsewhere.
** Jay Dubashi (commenting on these two important events on the same day on November 9, 1989), From Shilanyas to Berlin Wall in The Road to Ayodhya (also [https://web.archive.org/web/20170628170636/http://www.voiceofdharma.org/books/htemples1/ch8.htm]), quoted from [[Koenraad Elst|Elst, Koenraad]] (2014). Decolonizing the Hindu mind: Ideological development of Hindu revivalism. New Delhi: Rupa. p.302-3
* I remember 1989 vividly, having spent much of that summer in [[Berlin]] before the [[Berlin Wall|Wall]] fell. And while [[wikipedia:Revolutions_of_1989|largely peaceful revolutions]] swept through [[East/Central Europe|Central and Eastern Europe]] that year (it was only three years later, in [[Yugoslavia]], that the death of [[Communism]] sparked [[Yugoslav Wars|war]]), there was no such turning point in [[China]], where 1989 also saw the [[Tiananmen square massacre|Tiananmen Square massacre]]. With the benefit of hindsight, the survival of Communism in China was a more significant historical phenomenon than its collapse east of the [[wikipedia:River_Elbe|River Elbe]].
** [[Niall Ferguson]], "We have seen very few years in history that have been truly pivotal. This could be one.", ''The Mail on Sunday'', March 20, 2022.
* I find it difficult to say whether the leadership's 'second echelon' could have preserved the German Democratic Republic. [[Helmut Kohl]] later told me he had never believed that [[wikipedia:Egon_Krenz|Egon Krenz]] was capable of getting the situation under control. I do not know - we are all wiser after the event, as the saying goes. For my part, I must admit I briefly had a faint hope that the new leaders would be able to change the course of events by establishing a new type of relations between the ''two'' German states - based on radical domestic reforms in East Germany.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], ''Memoirs'' (1995)
* In the summer of 1989, neither [[Helmut Kohl]] nor I anticipated ... that everything would happen so fast. We didn’t expect the wall to come down in November. And by the way, we both admitted that later. I don’t claim to be a [[prophet]]. This happens in [[history]]: it accelerates its progress. It punishes those who are late. But it has an even harsher punishment for those who try to stand in its way. It would have been a big mistake to hold onto the [[wikipedia:Iron Curtain|Iron Curtain]]. That is why we didn’t put any pressure on the government of the GDR. When events started to develop at a speed that no one expected, the Soviet leadership unanimously – and I want to stress “unanimously” – decided not to interfere in the internal processes that were under way in the GDR, not to let our troops leave their garrisons under any circumstances. I am confident to this day that it was the right decision.
** [[Mikhail Gorbachev]], as quoted in an [https://www.rbth.com/international/2014/10/16/mikhail_gorbachev_i_am_against_all_walls_40673.html interview with ''Russia Beyond''] (16 October 2014)
* That summer of 1989, the bicentennial of the [[French Revolution]], [[Moscow]] lost its grip on the handle of Soviet power. In August, [[history]] descended into irony when a member of the [[European Parliament]], [[w:Otto_von_Habsburg|Otto von Habsburg]], pretender to the [[w:Austria-Hungary|Austro-Hungarian]] throne, co-sponsored a ‘[[w:Pan-European_picnic|pan-European picnic]]’ on the [[Austria]]–[[Hungary]] border. Hundreds of East Germans trekked to it and, in a gesture of [[friendship]], officials temporarily opened the border gates. Six hundred ‘picnickers’ stampeded across before they closed–and did not return. Pandemonium ensued as thousands rushed to the spot. On 11 September the Hungarian government announced that they could no longer control the border. It opened, and some 30,000 East Germans crossed to the west. The Iron Curtain was breached, and the East German leader, Erich Honecker, resigned. In October the Hungarian government declared a new [[republic]] and free [[elections]]. A month later, on 9 November 1989, East Germany announced that east–west movement through the Berlin Wall would be eased. As crowds rushed the gates, [[soldiers]] abandoned all attempts to stop them. Ecstatic masses climbed the wall and lined its fortifications. Pictures of this photogenic symbol of ideological collapse flashed round the globe.
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* The forty-year-old Iron Curtain fell because tens of thousands of people, long denied democracy, simply voted with their feet. They were able to do so because Gorbachev had abandoned the centralized [[discipline]] on which the Soviet empire relied. Other regimes lacked the political will to enforce the incarceration of an entire generation of Europeans. Later that month, I visited a small border village in Upper Saxony to witness local people cutting their stretch of the fence. They rushed through the gap to embrace their erstwhile neighbours, elderly relatives whom they had thought they would never see again. It was a tear-stained vignette of Europe’s most uplifting moment since the end of the [[World War II|Second World War]]. A divide had been crossed, but had a division been ended?
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* West Germany’s Helmut Kohl was on a visit to [[Poland]] in November 1989 when told of the fall of the Berlin Wall. It is said he wept tears of joy. He called for the immediate reunification of his country. Both [[France]] and [[United Kingdom|Britain]] were less sure. [[Margaret Thatcher|Thatcher]] seemed to regret the passing of the old order, and warned that a reunited ‘Germany would once again dominate the whole of Europe’. To Kohl it was a matter of practicality. In just two months from the opening of the wall, 200,000 East Germans migrated to the west. East Germany’s economy faced collapse. There was not even a plebiscite on reunification. [[Elections]] were held and by July 1990 new members from the [[w:new_states_of_Germany|East German provinces]] took their seats in the Reichstag. A vote was then taken on moving Germany’s capital back to [[Berlin]], decided on a tide of emotion driven by the East Germans. The new provinces became a sorely [[Depression (economics)|depressed]] part of Europe’s richest state and were to emerge as its most [[Conservatism|conservative]] region politically. The former east contributed just five per cent to German output, but was to double the [[national debt]].
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Putin to Pericles'' (2018)
* [[Perestroika|General Secretary Gorbachev’s policy of restructuring]] brings with it, for the first time since the end of [[World War II]], a justifiable hope of overcoming the East-West conflict.
** [[Helmut Kohl]], ''[[wikipedia:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, September 22, 1990; in its article; ''Berlin—A Mirror of Our World''?
* I am not the one trying to speed things up. We are being driven.
** [[Helmut Kohl]]
** On November 9, 1989, the Berlin Wall fell. The idea of German reunification, often discussed but considered unrealistic, once again became a subject of heated debate. Reunification now appeared inevitable, but scarcely anyone ventured to prophesy how soon it would come. German chancellor Helmut Kohl remarked those mentioned words when was accused of pushing unification plans too fast.
** "The Dream of European Unity", ''[[wikipedia:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, (December 22, 1991).
* The example of East Germany exerts a far greater cautionary effect on the North Koreans than [[Muammar Gaddafi|Qaddafi]]’s [[2011 Libyan civil war|fate]] does. The [[wikipedia:Erich_Honecker|Honecker]] regime took what Americans and South Koreans keep recommending to [[North Korea]] as the “pragmatic” way out of its problems: It began opening up to the West, quasi-formally recognized the rival coethnic state’s right to exist, and focused on improving its own [[Citizenship|citizens]]’ standard of living. We all know how that ended.
** [[Brian Reynolds Myers]], as quoted in [https://web.archive.org/web/20181107004029/https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2018/01/the-problem-with-south-korea-yes-south-korea.html "Sympathy for North Korea: Why South Koreans might just be willing to align with Kim Jong-un."] (3 January 2018), by Isaac Chotiner, ''Slate''
* East Germany ranked higher among the world’s economies than [[Economy of South Korea|South Korea]] does today, and was able to make some claim to superiority over the Federal Republic on [[Socialism|socialist]] grounds. The Wall came down anyway.
** [[Brian Reynolds Myers]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20180322213346/https://sthelepress.com/index.php/2022/06/03/18284/ "And Then What? (Again)"] (3 June 2022), ''Sthele Press''
* By 1989, shooting people on the border was unacceptable, and even the cosseted old men at Wandlitz knew it. None the less, the Wall still stood proud and ugly, with its sturdy blocks, its spikes and fences and alarms and watch-towers, seemingly permanent and impregnable. Its fate would not be determined in Berlin. Mostly it would be decided hundreds of miles away, by people who had decided that a Communism which needed to be enforced by guns and barbed wire was not a Communism worth having.
** [[wikipedia:Frederick Taylor (historian)|Frederick Taylor]], ''The Berlin Wall: 13 August 1961 – 9 November 1989'' (2006).
* We do not want a united Germany. This would lead to a change to [[Aftermath of World War II|postwar]] borders and we cannot allow that because such a development would undermine the stability of the whole [[International relations|international situation]] and could endanger [[National security|our security]].
** [[Margaret Thatcher]] as quoted in [http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-opinion/how-margaret-thatcher-pleaded-with-gorbachev-not-to-let-the-berlin-wall-fall-out-of-london/article183758.ece "How Margaret Thatcher pleaded with Gorbachev not to let the Berlin Wall fall out of london"], by Hasan Suroor, ''The Hindu'', 15 September 2009, retrieved 8 November 2009.
* The [[France|French]] writer, [[Albert Camus]], once lamented that "man eventually becomes accustomed to everything". I have always believed that this is an unjustly pessimistic view of [[Human nature|our human condition]]; and in recent weeks I have seen enough to convince me that Camus, on this point at least, was wrong: 30,000 East Germans abandoning home, friends, jobs, everything, to escape to a new life of opportunity but also uncertainty in the West; thousands of [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] [[Mining|miners]] [[Strike action|striking]] not for more pay, but for better supplies; the joy of [[Poles]] as they greet [[Tadeusz Mazowiecki|their first non-Communist Prime Minister]] in 40 years; over a million inhabitants of the [[wikipedia:Baltic_states|Baltic states]] forming a human chain to protest against the forced annexation of their nations; demonstrators in [[Prague]] braving the security forces to mark the 21st anniversary of the Warsaw Pact invasion; or in Leipzig calling for [[freedom of speech]]. Clearly the peoples of the East have not become accustomed to their lot. [[Totalitarianism|Totalitarian]] rule has not made people less attracted by [[freedom]], [[democracy]] and self-determination. The opposite is true. Nor has it made them incapable of exercising these values through political organization and self-expression: look at the debates in the new Congress of the People's Deputies, the activities of the popular fronts, Solidarity in [[Poland]] or the opposition parties in [[Hungary]]. The demand for [[pluralism]] and reform can now be heard in every Eastern nation.
** [[wikipedia:Manfred Wörner|Manfred Wörner]], [https://www.nato.int/docu/speech/1989/s891009a_e.htm Address given at the 35th Annual Session of the North Atlantic Assembly], 9 October 1989
== See also ==
* [[East Germany]]
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia-inline}}
{{Commons-inline}}
[[Category:20th century in Germany]]
[[Category:History stubs]]
[[Category:1980s in Europe]]
[[Category:Cold War]]
[[Category:1990s in Europe]]
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[[File:Flag of Slovakia.svg|thumb|Flag]]
'''[[w:Slovakia|Slovakia]]''' is a country in [[East/Central Europe|Central Europe]]. It is bordered by [[Poland]] to the north, [[Ukraine]] to the east, [[Hungary]] to the south, [[Austria]] to the west, and the [[w:Czech_Republic|Czech Republic]] to the northwest.
{{Geography-stub}}
== Quotes about ==
* [[Politicians]] in Poland, Slovakia, Austria and [[Serbia]] were equally out of tune with the liberal ethos of the EU. In a 2018 poll, just twenty-one per cent of Slovaks said they ‘belonged’ to the west. Most were reluctant to enforce tighter western [[Economic sanctions|sanctions]] on [[Russia]] and were fiercely anti-immigrant. The [[East–West dichotomy|old ideological fault-line between east and west]] was re-emerging, while a gulf was also widening between rich north and poor south.
** Simon Jenkins, ''A Short History of Europe: From Pericles to Putin'' (2018)
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia-inline}}
[[Category:Slovakia| ]]
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Despicable Me 4
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{{italic title}}
'''''{{W|Despicable Me 4}}''''' is a [[W:2024 in film|2024]] American 3D computer-animated comedy film. Development on a fourth main Despicable Me film began in September 2017. It was officially confirmed in February 2022. The film received mixed reviews, and grossed $598 million worldwide, making it the third highest-grossing film of 2024. Gru welcomes a new member to the family, Gru Jr., who's intenting on tormenting his dad. However, their peaceful existence soon comes crashing down when criminal mastermind Maxime Le Mal escapes from prison and vows revenge against Gru. It is the sixth installment in the [[W:Despicable Me (franchise)|''Despicable Me'' film series]] and the sequel to ''[[Despicable Me 3]]'' (2017).
:''Directed by {{w|Chris Renaud}} and co-directed by Patrick Delage. Written by [[w:Mark White (filmmaker)|Mark White]] and [[w:Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio|Ken Daurio]].
{{film-stub}}
== Gru ==
* ''[to his son, Gru Jr.]'' Behind that sourpuss, I know you love your dada. Go on, say it. "Dada. Da-da." ''['''Lucy:''' "Of course he loves you. He just doesn't show it on his face... or with his body language."]''
* You know, the most important part of a heist is being constantly aware of potential dangers.
* Please, Junior. Daddy needs to steal a honey badger.
* I'll hit him with this. Once he's knocked out, we'll open the cage. That fuzzy demon will sleep like a baby.
* ''[screams]'' I tranqed myself!
* I don't make people awkward or uncomfortable! I am very comforting, like a nice meat loaf! I am pretty delicious! ''[Lucy and Silas stare at him]'' This is not awkward; You're the ones who are making it awkward.
* It's okay, Junior. Dada loves you.
== Gru Jr. ==
* ''[smiles and hugs his father for breaking him free from Maxime's control]'' Dada. ''[Gru gasps in surprise, and happily hugs his son back]''
== Lucy ==
* ''[to Gru, about Jr.]'' Of course he loves you. He just does not show it on his face... or with his body language. Right, Gru Jr.? Come on.
* ''[To a nearby fire truck]'' Haha... I wonder where they're going..
== Poppy Prescott ==
* Hello, Gru. It is I, Poppy Prescott, villainess.
* You'd better watch yourself. You used to be a master villain.
* Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to expose you, because you're gonna help me pull a heist. We start planning tomorrow.
* I plan on being a lot better than you.
* I don't respect boomers. I just mock them.
* Like you, I was born to be bad.
== Maxime ==
* Now, some of you laughed at my childhood obsession with cockroaches. ''[chuckles]'' But I quickly learned that they are miracle of evolution, and I have found a way to the strength and speed and the... What is the word? ...Unsquish-ability, of the most powerful creature on the planet, which makes me indestructible and '''unstoppable'''!
* Bonjour, Gru~. I know you can't me so hear this: You think you humiliate and get away with it, yes? But no! When I break out of prison, I'm coming for my revenge, Gru! But this time, I won't go so easy on you! ''[laughs evilly]'' And I know where you live~, so you'd better sleep with one eye open, 'cause you can't hide from me! ''[laughs evilly]'' Sweet dreams, Gru-ser! ''[laughs evilly as he destroys the security camera]''
* Okay, let's see. Regular unleaded? Oh, wow, it is expensive, no? Okay, insert card and remove rapidly. ''[shows a card not read sign]'' Card not read? ''[tries it again, but gets the same result]'' Come on.
* It's always something... Look, I can never focus on just being evil.
* Did you think I was going to look like a bald loser with a dad bod?
== Melora ==
* ''You'' did this to me, you ''FRAUD!''
== Karl ==
* '''''QUIET!!!!!!''''' You are now on Karl's bus. And Karl is a longtime AVL employee whose retirement benefits are almost vested. So, while on Karl's bus, you follow Karl's rules. No shenanigans, no antics, and no tomfoolery. So, this ends now. Or you're gonna see a side of Karl you do not wanna see. '''''DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!''''' ['''Minion''': BAZOOKA!!!]
== Dialogue ==
:''[Gru and Lucy finished watching a transmission from Maxime.]''
:'''Gru''': Don't worry. He can't get out of there; ''[chuckles]'' It's a maximum-security prison.
:'''Silas''': Ah, yes, well, um... ''[clears his throat]'' He escaped yesterday.
:'''Gru''': ''[shocked]'' WHAT?!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gru''': ''[gives Agnes a plate]'' Here you go, Britney.
:'''Agnes''': Wait... I can't say my name is Britney. That would be a lie.
:'''Gru''': Yes...?
:'''Agnes''': But we aren't "stu-posed" to lie.
:'''Gru''': Don't think of it as lying; think of it as high-stakes pretending.
:'''Agnes''': Well, I'm not going to.
:'''Gru''': Ah, just a little white lie.
:'''Agnes''': ''[turns away in denial]'' Nope!
:'''Gru''': ''[sternly]'' Agnes, as your father, I command you to lie!
:'''Agnes''': ''[glares at Gru]'' No!
:'''Gru''': Yes! Lie!
:'''Agnes''': ''[shakes her head "No"] Mm-mm!
:'''Gru''': You are walking on thin ice, little lady!
:'''Agnes''': ''[slams her plate]'' Hmph.
:''[Gru Jr. scrapes the bacon from Agnes' fork.]''
:'''Gru''': Why can't you be more like your sister, Edith? She lies all the time.
:'''Edith''': No, I don't.
:'''Gru''': See, see!? She's lying right now! Beautifully, I might add.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Gru''': Is that my old school?
:'''Poppy''': Bingo, which I have expertly modeled with glue and popsicle sticks.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Maxime''': Okay, let's see. Regular unleaded? Oh, wow, it is expensive, no? Okay, insert card and remove rapidly. ''[shows a card not read sign]'' Card not read? ''[tries it again, but gets the same result]'' Come on.
:'''Valentina:''' Did you pull it out rapidly?
:'''Maxime''': Yes, yes! Very rapidly! Oh, come on. Work. ''[tries again once more and the sign shows "Please see attendant"]'' Ugh! ''[breaks the pump in frustration]''
<hr width=50%>
:'''Citizen 1''': There they are! Those guys crushed my car!
:'''Citizen 2''': They destroyed the coffee shop!
:'''Citizen 3''': What have you done?
:'''Citizen 4''': You get out of here!
:'''Citizen 5''': You”re ruining everything!
:'''Old Lady''': I’m sick of superheroes!
:'''Policeman''': Yeah. ''[takes off his hat before the Mega Minions run to Ransbottom]''
:'''Ransbottom''': Get in!
== Cast ==
* {{w|Steve Carell}} — Felonious Gru/Chet Cunningham
* {{w|Kristen Wiig}} — Lucy Wilde/Blanche Cunningham
* [[Will Ferrell]] — Maxime Le Mal
* {{w|Joey King}} — Poppy Prescott
* {{w|Sofía Vergara}} — Valentina
* {{w|Stephen Colbert}} — Perry Prescott
* {{w|Chloe Fineman}} — Patsy Prescott
* {{w|Miranda Cosgrove}} — Margo Gru/Bree Cunningham
* [[Steve Coogan]] — Silas
* {{w|Pierre Coffin}} — The Minions and the Mega Minions
* {{w|Dana Gaier}} — Edith Gru/Blair Cunningham
* Madison Polan — Agnes Gru/Britney Cunningham
** Nev Scharrel (previously)
* {{w|Chris Renaud}} — Übelschlecht
* {{w|Tara Strong}} - Gru Jr., additional voices
* {{w|Laraine Newman}} — Melora, additional voices
* {{w|Jason Segel}} — Vector
* [[Will Arnett]] — Mr. Perkins
* [[Benjamin Bratt]] — Eduardo Perez/El Macho
* {{w|Trey Parker}} — Balthazar Bratt
* {{w|Sandra Bullock}} — Scarlet Overkill
* {{w|Jon Hamm}} — Herb Overkill
* Romesh Ranganathan — Dr. Nefario
** Russell Brand (previously)
* [[John DiMaggio]] — Karl
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=7510222|title=Despicable Me 4}}
{{Despicable Me}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2024 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–son relationships]]
[[Category:Despicable Me]]
[[Category:Heist films]]
[[Category:Animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about babies]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chris Renaud]]
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William Boyd (writer)
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[[File:Boyd 2014.IMG 6492.JPG|thumb|William Boyd in 2014]]
'''[[w:William Boyd (writer)|William Andrew Murray Boyd]]''' CBE FRSL (born 7 March 1952) is a Scottish novelist, short story writer and screenwriter.
== Quotes ==
=== ''[[w:A Good Man in Africa (novel)|A Good Man in Africa]]'' (1981) ===
* Actually I can't stand the man. Sanctimonious, Calvinistic, so-and-so. Totally unsympathetic — can't think why he became a doctor — hectoring, bullying — sort of moral storm-trooper.
** Part One, Chapter 1, page 8.
* Like Rome, [[w:Nkongsamba|Nkongsamba]] was built on seven hills, but there all similarity ended. Set in undulating tropical rain forest, from the air it resembled nothing so much as a giant pool of crapulous vomit on somebody’s expansive unmown lawn.
** Part One, Chapter 1
* Morgan liked to imagine the town as some immense yeast culture, left in a deep cupboard by an absentminded lab technician, festering uncontrolled, running rampant in the ideal growing conditions.
** Part One, Chapter 1
* Can't you keep this bloody place tidy?"
** Part One, Chapter 2, page 39
* There are so many hypochondriacs out here. I think Murray can spot them a mile off."
** Part One, Chapter 3, page 51
* I want you to get to know Murray because I want you to bribe him."
** Part One, Chapter 4, page 55
* My maid Innocence. She's dead.
** Part One, Chapter 6, page 69
* That's Africa for you, eh? Trouble-free sex and tranquillizers. What do they call it? Post-pill paradise or something. Load of nonsense. Never seen a more neurotic, glum bunch in my life.
** Part Two, Chapter 1, page 90
=== ''[[w:An Ice-Cream War|An Ice-Cream War]]'' (1982) ===
* He saw that she treated her marriage to his father as a relentless challenge, an unending struggle under adverse conditions to get her own way. At first this manifested itself only in the naming of her children, but lately, as she had come to know her enemy, or as he had grown more senile and eccentric, evidence of her own personality long-suppressed came increasingly to the fore.
** Part One, Chapter Four
* It was a long journey back to Walter's farm, which lay near the foot of Kilimanjaro in British East Africa. First there was the coastal steamer from Dar to Tanga, and then a day's journey from Tanga to Moshi on the Northern Railway, followed by a further day's wagon ride across the border to B.E.A. and his won farm near the small town and former mission station of Taveta.
** Part One, Chapter One, p. 19
=== ''[[w:The New Confessions|The New Confessions]]'' (1987) ===
* My first act on entering this world was to kill my mother.
** Chapter 1 <!-- opening words -->
* I know he never loved me, but that, as far as I am concerned, is of little importance. He did not love me because, quite simply, I was a constant reminder of his loss."
** Chapter 1
* I have no idea why he did not like me. Normally, with an age gap of six years, an older brother will treat a younger with fond enthusiasm - a favorite sidekick, an instant fan, almost like a pet - but Thompson's attitudes then, as far as I remember, were either indifference or irritation."
** Chapter 1
* There were things about him that I found potently intriguing, but if I looked too closely at those vivid encrusted spots my scalp literally began to crawl and my eyes water."
** Chapter 2
* "Dear Faye, I feel a little fitter today. Perhaps everything will be fine after all ..."
** Chapter 2
=== ''[[w:Brazzaville Beach|Brazzaville Beach]]'' (1990) ===
* The natural world is full of irregularity and random alteration, but in the antiseptic, dust-free, shadowless, brightly lit, abstract realm of the mathematicians they like their cabbages spherical, please.
** "Cabbages Are Not Spheres"
* It seems to me that there are statements about the world and our lives that have no need of formal proof procedures.
** "Fermat’s Last Theorem II"
=== ''[[w:The Blue Afternoon|The Blue Afternoon]]'' (1993)===
* Philip looked at me. "I was going to ask you to dinner tonight, but now that I've seen your lunch I guess you won't be hungry.'
'Ha-ha. Call me later, you may get lucky'"
** p. 37
* I turned off Sunset Boulevard and drove up Micheltoreno to the site. The day was cloudy and an erratic and nervy wind rattled the leaves of the palmettos that the contractor had planted along the roadside. As I pulled into the curb at number 2265 I saw the old man"
** p. 7
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
*[https://www.bookrags.com/studyguide-a-good-man-in-africa/quotes.html#gsc.tab=0]
*[https://www.bookrags.com/studyguide-an-ice-cream-war/quotes.html#gsc.tab=0/ An Ice-Cream War]
*[https://www.bookrags.com/studyguide-the-new-confessions/quotes.html#gsc.tab=0/ The New Confessions]
*[https://www.bookrags.com/studyguide-the-blue-afternoon/quotes.html#gsc.tab=0/ The Blue Afternoon]
{{DEFAULTSORT:Boyd, William}}
[[Category:1952 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Novelists from Scotland]]
[[Category:Short story writers from Scotland]]
[[Category:Screenwriters from Scotland]]
[[Category:Autobiographers from Scotland]]
[[Category:Essayists from Scotland]]
[[Category:Playwrights from Scotland]]
[[Category:Postmodern authors]]
[[Category:Art critics]]
[[Category:University of Oxford alumni]]
[[Category:University of Oxford faculty]]
[[Category:Fellows of the Royal Society of Literature]]
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===''Dummi Bear Dinner Disaster/Twins' Pique'' [3.1]===
:'''Didi''': Time to say, bye-bye, sweetie. ''[Tommy starts bawling]'' Oh, what's that matter sweetie.
:'''Angelica''': Of course, it's me, you babies! There's going to be trouble! That does it!
:'''Tommy''': But, Angelica, I don't have to...
:'''Angelica''': ''[she slapped his mouth]'' Quiet, Tommy. My daddy says that your show is the biggest gravy-train in town.
:'''Paul''': I beg your parden?
:'''Chaz''': Gosh. After Happy Bear almost got caught by the Taxidermist, I couldn't sleep for days.
:'''Paul''': Mr. Finster, have you Talked to a psychiatrist about this?
:'''Chaz''': He didn't understand.
:'''Paul''': ''[yelling]'' What's wrong with you people?! Don't you have any real lives outside of this mindless cartoon!?!
:'''Betty''': ''[dumbfounded]'' Well, really? We just thought you liked to hear from a few of your fans.
:'''Paul''': Well, I don't!
:'''Chaz''': ''[confused]'' How can the creator of Happy Bear be so cruel?
:'''Paul''': ''[furious]'' Randy!
:'''Randy''': Wait a minute, Paul. I can explain everything. ''[After Randy notices his neighbors at his house unexpectedly]''
:'''Angelica''': Now if this doesn't work, I quit!
:''[Angelica picked up the mushed food and threw it at Paul, causing his toupee to fall off into the soup.]''
:'''Randy''': Oh, I'm sorry, Paul, let me get that for you.
:''[Paul shunned Randy from picking up his toupee as Paul picked it up and placed the damp toupee on his head. He then picked up mushed food and threw it at Drew.]''
:'''Drew''': Hey!
:''[Paul laughed as a playful food fight began.]''
:'''Paul''': Randy, I do not know how you did it but these guys really crack me up! You're a Comedy Genius!
:''[During the food fight, with food splattered on the archway above the babies' heads.]''
:'''Chuckie''': Eww! Now what are they doing?
:'''Tommy''': I don't know, but it looks like they're having fun.
:'''Susie''': Fun?! Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ''[starts to cry, the camera zooms into her mouth and swerves behind her uvula showing the shot from the inside as Paul wandered up]''
:'''Paul''': Aww, what's the matter, Susie?
:'''Susie''': Now, we're gonna have to move because my daddy's gonna get a new house!
:'''Paul''': Move?! Randy, you jokester. I'd never allow it. With all these wild characters in the neighborhood. It's a writer's gold mine! In fact, how would you kids and your parents like to come down and see the Dummi Bears Studio tour?
:'''Angelica''': Aww, do we have to... ''[Drew muffles Angelica]''
:'''Drew''': We'd love to, Paul.
:''[Randy splatters green gelatin all over himself. The next scene you see Randy guiding Paul to the car.]''
:'''Randy''': Paul, I'm so glad you came. We'll have to have you back again.
:''[Stu jumps out of a nearby bush.]''
:'''Randy''': Yeah, well, I'll see you at the office, huh?
:''[Randy chuckled as he and Paul continued on their way. Stu dreamily fell into Drew's arms.]''
:'''Stu''': Wow. He looked right at me. That man has changed by life! Man, we didn't need words.
===''Chuckie's First Haircut/Cool Hand Angelica'' [3.2a]===
===''Tricycle Thief/Rhinoceritis'' [3.3]===
===''Grandpa Moves Out/The Legend of Satchmo'' [3.4]===
:''[The camera moves past an elderly man pushing the spout of a container with a sign that says "Creamed Ham", which is next to containers with signs that say "Creamed Potatoes" and "Creamed Toast" respectively. Another elderly man is pushing the spout of another container, pouring gravy onto his food. Tommy and Angelica are standing next to a table with a can of coffee on it. Angelica points to the can]''
:'''Angelica''': You see, Tommy? That there coffee is what big people drink if they want to get waked up! Alls we must do is add the stuff in that can to that bucket of water.
:''[Angelica points to a bucket of water that says, "Caution: Wet Floor" in red letters]''
:'''Angelica''': And we have coffee!
:'''Tommy''': I'll climb up there and get it.
:''[Tommy groans as he jumps and reaches for the can of coffee. He misses and falls over, but sighs in disdain. Then he looks over at an electric scooter, but turns right-side up]''
:'''Tommy''': I have an idea!
===''Circus Angelicus/The Stork'' [3.5]===
:''[?]''
:'''Clown''': Look kid. It's just an act. Under this freak show, I'm a regular guy. Just like your dad.
:''[?]''
:'''Didi''': Maybe we better go.
:''[?]''
:'''Angelica''': Why do I have to go? I wasn't crying.
:'''Ringmaster''': Sorry, folks, no refunds.
:'''Didi''': I'm glad we left. I'd forgotten how unsanitary circuses are.
:'''Stu''': Come on, Deed. Circuses are an [[American]] institution. They're part of growing up. Kids love the circus.
:'''Chuckie''': I hate the circus.
:'''Tommy''': Chuckie, it's all over now.
:'''Chuckie''': Hey, thanks for bailing me all back there, Tommy. I felt really stupid crying all by myself.
:'''Tommy''': Don't mention it.
:'''Angelica''': It's not fair. We didn't get to see any of the good stuff all because those babies started crying.
:'''Drew''': Angel, you got to see a lot of good stuff. Remember that big scary lion.
:'''Angelica''': That dumb old lion didn't even have any teeth.
:'''Drew''': And you got cotton candy and popcorn. And Daddy even bought you that nice stuff turtle he was screaming for.
:'''Angelica''': Stupid turtle. It doesn't even do anything.
:'''Drew''': What do you expect for $16.95.
:'''Angelica''': The whole circus was dumb.
:'''Drew''': Not now, cupcake, I suppose if you have the circus, you can do everything your way.
:'''Angelica''': If I ran the circus. Hmm.
===''The Baby Vanishes/Farewell, My Friend'' [3.6]===
===''When Wishes Come True/Angelica Breaks a Leg'' [3.7]===
:'''Didi''': Stu, what are you doing?
:'''Stu''': Making chocolate pudding.
:'''Didi''': It's 4:00 in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?
:'''Stu''': ''[tired deadpan]'' Because I've lost control of my life.
:'''Angelica''': ''[watching TV in a queen bed]'' Ah ha ha ha ha!
:'''Stu''': Here's your pudding, Angelica.
:'''Angelica''': Oh, that's okay, Uncle Stu. I'm not hungry anymore.
:''[Cut to outside the house as Stu screams like a girl]''
===''The Last Babysitter/Sour Pickles'' [3.8]===
:''[Angelica is looking at the kaleidoscope. Tommy is in the playpen and wants to look at it]''
:'''Angelica''': Ooh, it's so pretty.
:'''Tommy''': Can I see?
:'''Angelica''': Amazing.
:'''Tommy''': Please?
:'''Angelica''': Incredible.
:'''Tommy''': That's not fair! I wanna see the kaleidoscope.
:'''Angelica''': ''[to Tommy]'' Oh, you wanna see.
:'''Tommy''': Uh-huh.
:'''Angelica''': You really wanna see?
:'''Tommy''': Uh-huh.
:'''Angelica''': You really, really, really wanna see?
:'''Tommy''': Uh-huh!
:'''Angelica''': Oh. ''[handing Tommy the kaleidoscope]'' Okay. ''[as Tommy was about to reach for it, she then pulls it away]'' Oops, I forgot...it's ''not'' for babies!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Flashback to 1959. The episode of Blocky and Oxwinkle is yet on, showing the titular characters running to the rescue]''
:'''Blocky''': Hurry up, Oxwinkle. It's time to obliviously save the day in the nick of time...
:''[Young Grandpa has overheard Baby Drew and Baby Stu's fighting, and he turns the television off as punishment]''
:'''Young Grandpa''': ''[shouts]'' No more Blocky and Oxwinkle! ''[Baby Drew and Baby Stu start crying. He takes them to the downstairs playpen]'' You can blubber all you want, but it ain't gonna help! Now you two sprouts play nice. If you're real nice, I'll let ya watch Lawrence Welk tonight. ''[the two boys stop crying for a second, looking at each other, but start crying again; looks at his watch]'' Whoop. Time to open up the store. ''[heads to the front door to open it up]''
:''[The two babies stop crying, and watch their dad go to work]''
===''Reptar 2010/Stu Gets a Job'' [3.9]===
:''[The scene then changed to a giant gorilla seen climbing a building, However Reptar, who is shown to be much bigger grabbed the Gorilla and threw it away, as it screams]''
===''Give & Take/The Gold Rush'' [3.10]===
===''Home Movies/The Mysterious Mr. Friend'' [3.11]===
:'''Angelica''': Hey, this is MY home movies! And if I say I have a crown, then I have a crown, OK?! Now, where was I? Oh, yeah...
:''[The drawing moves down to reveal a series of drawings of a red square outline, that then comes to life in animation, as Angelica's window, which opens...]''
:'''Angelica''': ''[narrating]'' And this is me, in my beautiful room...
:''[In the home movie, we see Angelica, now with a more simplified design and faceless, lying in her bed as stuffed animals surround it, and "Me" in blue appears above her. Angelica wakes up in her drawing and yawns and stretches as the "Me" and dolls disappear...]''
:'''Angelica''': ''[narrating]'' Every day when I get up, I get out of my covers and stand on my bed and greet the day!
:''[The Angelica drawing stands on her bed and waves at the sun in the sky as a rooster crows. The sun briefly smiles back at her. Then she jumps off her bed...]''
:'''Angelica''': Daddy, daddy, DADDY!
:''[A small, simply-drawn crayon figure runs in with a blank face, a black body and blue legs, representing Drew...]''
:'''Drew''': Yes my little darling, my dumpling, my pumpkin pie? ''[hugs Angelica's leg]''
:'''Angelica''': ''[shakes Drew off her leg]'' Get me my breakfast, right now!
===''Cuffed!/The Blizzard'' [3.12]===
:'''Angelica''': ''[throws snowball at Tommy]'' Halt, who goes there?
:'''Tommy''': It's me, Tommy!
:'''Angelica''': I am Angelinook of the North, why came you unbidden to my snowbound kingdom!
:'''Tommy''': Huh?
:'''Angelica''': What are you doing here?
===''Princess Angelica/The Odd Couple'' [3.13]===
:''[The camera zooms in on Angelica]''
:'''Angelica''': A real princess?
:'''Charlotte''': Drew, that's great!
:'''Drew''': Great?
:'''Charlotte''': Don't you see? If Angelica's ever gonna make it in a male-dominated power structure, she's gotta eat, breathe, drink, and sweat self-esteem!"
:'''Drew''': Uh-huh. Look, I know we've been blessed with a special little girl, but if we don't stop spoiling her, she's gonna suspect she really is a princess!
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Tommy flicks a piece of cereal from his bowl. The scene transitions to the next scene, which takes place in the living room. Tommy and Chuckie are now dressed in their normal attire, and Tommy sits on the couch with a bored expression on his face as Chuckie watches his favorite show, '''Space Trek Babies''', which is essentially a combination of '''[[Star Trek: The Original Series|Star Trek]]''' and the spin-off babies trend popularized by '''[[Muppet Babies (1984 TV series)|Muppet Babies]]''']''
:'''Baby Spock''': We can't abort the entire mission for one lost teddy bear, captain! It's just not logical!
:'''Baby McCoy''': ''[bouncing in a jumper]'' You and your infernal logic! Can't you see? We're babies, not computers!
:''[Tommy changes the channel to Reptar, who is destroying the city. The camera moves over to Chuckie, who is shocked to find out Tommy changed the channel]''
===''Destination: Moon/Angelica's Birthday'' [3.14]===
:'''Phil''': That won't work, Chuckie. In space, no one can hear you scream.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Lil''': What do you mean?
:'''Phil''': Getting old's fun!
:'''Angelica''': No, no, little Phil. Getting old is nothing but misery and woe.
:'''Tommy''': Wow. It's too bad you can't stay little like us.
:'''Angelica''': Yes. It's too bad I can't stay little like... Wait a minute, that's it!
:'''Chuckie''': Uh-oh!
===''Naked Tommy/Tommy and the Secret Club'' [3.15]===
:'''Betty''': ''[finds Phil and Lil naked and runs towards them]'' Great Evonne Goolagong! What's going on here?! Philly, Lilly, you're nudists!
:'''Didi''': Betty! I'm surprised at you. I mean, they're just babies. Lipschitz says--
:'''Betty''': ''[picks up Phil and Lil's clothes]'' Don't start with that hippie Lipschitz, Deed! I don't know what kind of baby commune you're trying to run here, but it's time to face facts! The sixties are over and we've lost, so get with the program, all right?!
===''Under Chuckie's Bed/Chuckie is Rich'' [3.16]===
===''Mommy's Little Assets/Chuckie's Wonderful Life'' [3.17]===
:'''Angelica''': Hey, babies! Ready for a game of pin the tail on the diaper? ''[Chuckie hides the CD under the teddy bear]'' Hey, Chuckie, what do you got there?
:'''Chuckie''': Ah, nothing. We just playing one of the silly games.
:'''Angelica''': Hmm. Say, isn’t Spike out there.
===''In the Dreamtime/The Unfair Pair'' [3.18]===
:'''Phil''': What do you mean, Angelica?
:'''Angelica''': Oh, nothing. I just forgot it for a minute which of you was the favorite kid. But then it came to me. How silly of me; it's so obvious.
:'''Lil''': The favorite?
:'''Phil''': What're you talking about, Angelica?
:'''Angelica''': Every family has a favorite kid, right?
:'''Lil''': They do?
:'''Angelica''': Sure! Look at my family. I'm the favorite. And in Tommy's family, he's the favorite, and Chuckie's the favorite in his family, right?
:'''Lil''': But, Angelica, our family has two kids. ''[holds two fingers]''
:'''Angelica''': That's right.
:'''Phil''': So, how can we both be the favorite?
:'''Angelica''': Well, you can't, of course. I guess what it comes down to is: your family's not big enough for the both of ya.
:'''Lil''': You mean...?
:'''Angelica''': Yep, one of you's the favorite and the other... is the reject.
:''[Phil and Lil gasp in shock]''
:'''Lil''': Reject?!
:'''Angelica''': The favorite gets all the toys and the attention, and the reject, um... The reject has to live in the basement all by his-self.
:''[Phil and Lil both gulp nervously]''
:'''Phil''': But which one of us is the reject?
:'''Angelica''': That is the question, isn't it? Guess you'll just have to figure it out for yourselves.
:''[Angelica leaves the room humming as Phil and Lil look at each other sadly]''
:'''Lil''': Do you think Angelica was right about the favorite?
:'''Phil''': ''[shakes his head]'' Nah, she couldn't be. If Daddy or Mommy had a favorite, they'd be much nicer to him.
:'''Lil''': You're right. She'd be treated a lot better.
:'''Phil''': And Mommy and Daddy treat us both the same.
:'''Lil''': ''[picks up her ball]'' Right, exactly the same.
===''Chuckie's Red Hair/Spike Runs Away'' [3.19]===
:'''Stu''': I just wish there was something I could do!
:'''Didi''': Oh! ''[the doorbell rings]'' Who on earth could that be?
:''[Stu walks up to the front door and opens it. A rich man is on the other side]''
:'''Winston St. George''': Mr. Pickles?
:'''Stu''': That's me.
:'''Winston St. George''': My name is Winston St. George. ''[as he talks to Stu, he removes his monocole and wipes it with a piece of cloth]'' Two weeks ago, I was walking down the street when I spied a rare Siberian Tiger Hound worth thousands. I was tempted to keep him to breed, but then I saw your ad.
:''[Spike jumps into Stu's arms and pants happily]''
:'''Stu''': Ugh! Spike!
:'''Winston St. George''': Spike, eh? Well, I've been calling him Nightscroft's Squire Muldoon.
===''The Alien/Mr. Clean'' [3.20]===
:'''Angelica''': More wind!
:'''Chuckie''': Here you go, Angelica.
:'''Angelica''': Thank you, Chuckie. This is the life.
:'''Tommy''': Angelica, can I have a turn?
:'''Angelica''': Look, if it were up to me, I'd let you sit in the chair but it's against the rules.
===''Angelica's Worst Nightmare/The Mega Diaper Babies'' [3.21]===
:'''Big Boy''': Hey, what are you doing here sister? I thought I told you to scram. ''[spots her cheese]'' Oh, num-num. ''[eats the cheese, and burps]'' I want you to get out, but you wouldn't listen. Now I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson.
:'''Angelica''': Get back get away from me!
:'''Big Boy''': You had your chance. Where do you think you're going sister?
:'''Angelica''': No, please! I'm you big sister!
:'''Big Boy''': ''[last words]'' Well, now you're num-num!
:''[The scene reverts to Angelica talking in her sleep, as Drew then comes in when overhearing her scream]''
:'''Angelica''': No, no, no! ''[screams]''
:'''Drew''': ''[turns the light on]'' Angelica! Angelica! Wake up! Wake up!
:'''Angelica''': ''[wakes up]'' DON'T EAT ME!!!! Where is he?! Where's the new baby?!
:'''Drew''': You were having a bad dream, honey. Everything's okay now.
:'''Angelica''': A bad dream!
:'''Drew''': That's right.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Dotted-Line Girl (Lil)''': I'm just a dotted line!
:'''Angelitron (Angelica)''': Any idiot can see a dotted line!
===''New Kid in Town/Pickles vs. Pickles (as [[Kramer vs. Kramer]] parody)'' [3.22]===
:'''Josh''': I'm not scared of you.
:'''Angelica''': Oh, yeah.
:'''Josh''': Yeah.
:'''Angelica''': Well, then you're making a big mistake, bucko. ''[launches another water balloon at Josh]''
:'''Chuckie''': Hey, watch it, Angelica!
:'''Angelica''': Give up, cheese-brain?
:'''Josh''': Tell you what, I'll make ya a deal. We'll, split the babies 50/50.
:'''Angelica''': Mm. Who gets the heads?
:'''Josh''': No, I mean, you take two babies, and I'll take two babies. Couldn't be more fair than that.
:'''Angelica''': No way! I came here to get these babies, and I'm not leaving till' I get them all!
:'''Josh''': Oh, yeah?
:'''Angelica''': Yeah.
:'''Josh''': Oh, yeah?
:'''Angelica''': Yeah.
:'''Josh''': Oh, yeah?
:'''Angelica''': Yeah! ''[as she pushes Josh, causing him to scratch his arm on the edge of the sandbox]''
:'''Josh''': ''[wails]'' Mommy, she pushed me! ''[wailing as he run away]''
:'''Angelica''': And don't ever let me catch you picking on my babies again!
<hr width=50%>
:''[Close up of a stream of gravy coming down towards the screen and then pans back to reveal it's a plate of gravy with a piece of broccoli and mashed potatoes on it. Angelica is behind it, with a spoon and fork in both of her hands, and not wanting to eat it]''
:'''Charlotte''': Just a little taste, sweetie?
:'''Angelica''': NO! ''[Charlotte looks surprised when Angelica snaps]''
:'''Drew''': Come on, sugar-pie. It's good for you. Don't you wanna grow up to be big and strong?
:'''Angelica''': NO! ''[her father drops the fork when she shouts]''
:'''Charlotte''': Honey, the last time you eat broccoli you said it wasn't so bad, remember?
:'''Angelica''': ''[bangs the table]'' '''NO!'''
:'''Drew''': ''[as he lost patience]'' Angelica, if you don't eat some broccoli, then you're not gonna get seconds on dessert.
:'''Angelica''': '''''BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!!'''''
:''[Angelica throws the plate to the wall where the shadow of Drew is, it shatters on impact]''
:'''Drew''': That's it, Angelica! ''[he stands up from his chair and points to his left]'' Go to your room!
:'''Angelica''': But, daddy!
:'''Charlotte''': It's too late for talk now, Angelica. We tried to reason with you, but you wouldn't listen!
:''[Angelica gets up off of chair and heads upstairs, but turns back to her parents]''
:'''Angelica''': You'll be sorry! ''[Drew and Charlotte are speechless after Angelica said that, hear her slam the door upstairs and look at each other]''
:''[Inside Drew and Charlotte's bedroom, Drew is walking around the bed and Charlotte is in bed, reading]''
:'''Drew''': Charlotte, do you think Angelica was serious when she said, "You'll be sorry?"
:'''Charlotte''': What are you talking about, Drew? She's 3 years old. What's she gonna do?
:'''Drew''': I suppose you're right. It's just we raised such a clever resourceful little girl, sometimes I don't know what she's capable of. ''[he takes off his glasses and climbs into bed]''
:'''Charlotte''': Drew, get some sleep; we'll all feel better in the morning.
:'''Drew''': Okay, Char. ''[he falls asleep]''
:''[Inside Angelica's room]''
:'''Angelica''': It's not fair, Cynthia. The grown-ups always get to decide everything. All they do is to boss me around like a little kid or something. I'm 3 years old!
:'''Barnum''': ''[on TV]'' Are you getting a raw deal? Is your boss treating you unfairly? Or perhaps there's a family problem that cries out for third party mediation?
:'''Angelica''': The last one! The family thing!
:'''Barnum''': ''[on TV]'' Don't wait! Call us at the offices of F. Lee Barnum and Sons: "We'll fight for you!"
:'''Angelica''': Hmm...
:''[The next morning, he pulls in the driveway and rings the doorbell. Drew was in his home office until he hears it]''
:'''Drew''': Who could that be?
:'''Barnum''': Thank you. Hello, I'm here to see uh... Miss Angelica C. Pickles.
:'''Drew''': And you are?
:'''Barnum''': My name's F. Lee Barnum, I'm an attorney.
:'''Drew''': An attorney?
:'''Barnum''': Yeah, I engaged by Miss Pickles to handle some pesty legal matters.
:'''Drew''': ''[laughs]'' There must be some mistake. You see, Angelica is just little girl, she's not capable of hiring a attorney.
:'''Barnum''': That would be me to determine.
:'''Angelica''': Oh, hi, Mr. Lawyer, come on in. ''[she takes Barnum's hand and leads him into the house]''
:'''Drew''': Angelica, what's going on here?
:'''Angelica''': I'm suing you.
:'''Drew''': ''[surprised]'' Suing me?!
:''[Later in Angelica's room, Angelica pours pretend tea in a tea cup]''
:'''Angelica''': More tea?
:'''Barnum''': Thank you. ''[he takes the cup and pretends to drink it]'' Now let me get right to the point, Miss Pickles. ''[he refers to his clipboard]'' The key of our case will be an establishing of withholding a second helping of desert constitutes an infringement on the child's intrinsic--
:'''Angelica''': Yeah, yeah, yeah! Skip the fancy talk and give me the bottom line.
:'''Barnum''': Very well. I think I can get your parents kicked out of the house.
:'''Angelica''': Cool.
:'''Barnum''': And, if we play our proverbial cards right, I think I can get you a handsome childhood self-care annuity on top of it.
:'''Angelica''': Huh?
:'''Barnum''': Money, Miss Pickles. Lots of money, for both of us.
:'''Angelica''': Now you're talking my language.
:'''Charlotte''': Angelica, honey.
:'''Angelica''': Yes?
:'''Charlotte''': I'd like to talk about this lawsuit thing.
:'''Angelica''': It's too late for talk now, Mommy. I tried the reason for you, but she wouldn't listen.
:'''Charlotte''': Come on, sweetie. Let's get some ice cream and you can tell me what's bothering you.
:'''Angelica''': That's awful nice of you, Mommy. But on the advice of counsel, I must decline.
:'''Charlotte''': Angelica, if you don't stop all this nonsense right now, I'm gonna-
:'''Angelica''': Careful, Mommy. Don't say anything you might not want repeated in the code of law.
:'''Charlotte''': Now you listen to me.
:'''Angelica''': Uh-uh-uh. The tape's rolling.
:'''Charlotte''': ''[stammering]'' Doh. Drew, call your attorney. We're going to the man on this one. ''[We're all wanted men and the house is bankrupted and has no home, bye bye house forever]''
:'''Drew''': So you think she has a case?
:'''Hershowitz''': I'm afraid so, Mr. and Mrs. Pickles, I was strongly to advice you settle this matter out of the court.
:'''Charlotte''': A settlement!
:'''Drew''': He's right, Charlotte. Let's just end this thing as painless thing as possible.
:'''Charlotte''': Uh, maybe you're right.
:'''Hershowitz''': Angelica's lawyer faxed a couple of demands. Can I read them?
:'''Drew''': Sure, How bad could they be?
:'''Hershowitz''': 1. Deserve more 24 hours a day, 2. Deserve giving gifts to Angelica day, 3. A missile and smash up doll, 4. A command space flame thrower, 5. A pony, 6...
:''[Drew who was getting annoyed finally snaps]''
:'''Drew''': Enough! I am not going to pushed around by my own Daughter!
:'''Hershowitz''': ''[sighs]'' Very well, we prepared to court.
:''[Cut to a picture of Angelica; we zoom out to reveal it is an image on a newscast]''
:'''Newswoman''': Meanwhile, all of America remains riveted by the case of Angelica Pickles, the charming, little three-year old girl who has sued her parents for divorce. We take you now to a live press conference.
:''[Everyone who is watching the news on TVs in a store. The next day, outside the courthouse, the news reporter is questioning Barnum and Angelica]''
:'''Reporter''': Mr. Barnum, do you really think you have a case here?
:'''Barnum''': Of course we have a case, this girl has been severely mistreated.
:'''Angelica''': Okay, I'll handle this. Miss, Reporterman, I'm not a bad kid, I'm really not, all I ever wanted is a little ice cream, maybe a toy here or there, I mean, doesn't every three year old have right a little kindness. And now you're trying to make me feel like I'm a bad guy, where will it all end. ''[Angelica's starts crying of Clarissa about go home. Angelica's stops Clarissa crying sound to get a super-sucker lollipop, everyone laughs. A car pulls up and Drew and Charlotte come out]''
:'''Bystander''': Look, it's the parents!
:''[The crowd keeps saying their names repeatedly]''
:'''Hershowitz''': My clients has no comments. ''[he reaches over and covers the camera with his hand]'' I told you, no comment.
:''[Later in court, a judge bangs his gavel]''
:'''Judge''': Order, order! ''[everyone is silent]'' This court is now in session. Mr. Barnum, please call your first witness.
:'''Barnum''': I call for the stand, Mrs. Charlotte Pickles! ''[we see an "El Barato" cigar close to the camera and Barnum pulls it away]'' Now, Mrs. Pickles, is it not true on the last [[Tuesday]] night on August 3rd, that you served your 3-year old Angelica a large piece of [[w:Broccoli|broccoli]] for dinner?
:'''Charlotte''': Well, that depends on your word, large. I say it was a small piece.
:'''Barnum''': Mrs. Pickles. Let's not quibble over the size of the serving.
:'''Charlotte''': It seems to me. Your the one is quibbling. ''[everyone laughs]''
:'''Barnum''': Just answer the question Mrs. Pickles.
:'''Charlotte''': What question was that, Mr. Barnum?
:'''Barnum''': Did you or did you not, serve you daughter a disgusting piece of broccoli!
:'''Charlotte''': ''[offended]'' I served my daughter broccoli and I wasn't "disgusting"! I was a very healthy nitrous piece of vegetable, Mr. Barnum, rich of vitamin C, any parent would do the same!
:'''Angelica''': '''OBJECTION!'''
:'''Barnum''': Angelica, I'm doing a questioning, let me handle this.
:'''Angelica''': But you doing a louse chop of yourself, you won't look good!
:'''Barnum''': ''[frustrated]'' How dare you talk to me like that! I am skilled with months of experience!
:'''Angelica''': Your highness, I would like to dismiss my lawyer for discussing conference.
:'''Barnum''': You don't have to! I would rather quit rather helping a little brat like you!
:'''Angelica''': Your majesty, I would like to present my own lawyer.
:'''Judge''': Well, I must admit that all of my years that I never heard a three year old representing herself. But, I guess there's no presence against it.
:'''Angelica''': Well, see you later, Buster! I guess it's back chasing ambushes like you.
:''[He leaves]''
:'''Drew''': But the toy store is out!
<hr width=50%>
:'''Drew''': ''[gasps]'' This isn't happening! I was just being a good father!
:'''Judge''': Bailiff! Have this man removed from my court and locked up! ''[everyone cheers and applauds]''
:'''Drew''': No! I'm a good father! I'm a good father! ''[the bailiff grabs Drew by the shoulders and drags him away]'' I'm a good father! I'm a good father!
:'''Judge''': ''[bangs his gavel repeatedly as Drew shouts "I'm a good father!" repeatedly]'' Order! Order in this court! Order! I demand order! I am the judge here!
:''[The judge continues yelling at Drew and banging his gavel while the cheers turn into evil laughter as Drew is continued to be dragged away. Finally, the camera zooms in Drew's mouth and we cut to Drew struggling in his sleep in bed. It revealed is was all Drew's dream. Drew then wakes up, gasping]''
:'''Drew''': A dream! It was just a dream! Charlotte! Charlotte! Wake up!
:'''Charlotte''': Huh? ''[she sees the LCD Clock reading 3:01]'' Drew, It's three in the morning.
<hr width=50%>
:'''Angelica''': ''[yawn]'' Hi, Daddy.
:'''Drew''': Hi, sweetie.
:'''Angelica''': Daddy, I'm sorry I was a bad girl.
:'''Drew''': Sweetie, I'm the one to be sorry. I shouldn't have tried to make you eat the broccoli. From now on, you can try the foods you're ready to try.
:'''Angelica''': Daddy, you're the greatest.
:'''Drew''': Nicely dye, princess.
===''Kid TV/The Sky is Falling'' [3.23]===
:'''Chuckie''': Spike got it a huge fight.
===''I Remember Melville/No More Cookies'' [3.24]===
:''[The next scene takes place outside Tommy's house the next day. Drew drives his car into the Pickles' driveway. Didi, having just baked a fresh batch of cookies, puts them into the jar until the doorbell rings]''
:'''Didi''': Coming!
:''[Drew and Angelica are outside the door as Didi opens it]''
:'''Drew''': We must hurry up, Didi, or we'll be late for the auction! ''[looks down at Angelica]'' Now, be a nice little girl for Grandpa, darling!
:'''Angelica''': Of course, Daddy! ''[runs into Tommy's house. Grandpa is on the couch, having fallen asleep after reading a "FISHIN'" magazine. She walks past him. Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil are in the playpen, and Phil is pulling on a gum-like fashion in Lil's mouth. She walks up to the playpen]'' Hi, babies, how's this... ''[sniffs]'' Alright, where are they?
:'''Tommy''': Where are what?
:'''Angelica''': Don't play dumb, the cookies! I know they're around here, I can smell 'em! ''[sniffs]''
:'''Tommy''': ''[stands up]'' But, Angelica...
:'''Angelica''': Of course; the kitchen! ''[runs into the kitchen. She looks around, until she sees the cookie jar on the counter]'' Aha! I did so. ''[runs up to the cookie jar, but just as she grabs it, she is pulled back]'' Hey!
:'''Tommy''': ''[revealed to be pulling Angelica back]'' Don't you remember? Yesterday, you made us promise not to let you eat cookies ever again!
:'''Angelica''': Oh, yes. I forgot about that.
:''[Phil and Lil walk up to Tommy and Angelica]''
:'''Tommy''': Then no more cookies, right? ''[walks up to the cookie jar and pulls it off the counter. He walks off backwards with it]''
:'''Angelica''': Sure, Tommy. No more cookies. ''[runs up to the cookie jar]''
:''[But Phil and Lil hold her back by pulling on her dress. They groan as they try to hold her back, but she walks towards the cookie jar, pulling them along]''
:'''Tommy''': Angelica, if you're gonna keep trying to get these, I'm gonna have to hide 'em! ''[walks off, carrying the cookie jar]''
:'''Angelica''': ''[growls]'' Please, wait! I'll make you a deal! ''[Tommy stops and turns to face her upon hearing this]'' Just let me have, say, ten or fifteen cookies, and after that, I won't eat any more! ''[puts one hand over her heart and holds the other one up]''
:'''Tommy''': I'm sorry, Angelica. I can't break my promise! ''[walks off]''
:'''Angelica''': ''[walks up to him as Phil and Lil tried to hold her back]'' Please, Tommy! Just one little cookie! Please, wait!
:'''Chuckie''': ''[runs up to Tommy]'' Perhaps you should let her have a cookie.
:''[Phil and Lil let go of Angelica's dress]''
:'''Phil''': ''[walks up to Chuckie]'' Yes, don't be so mean, Tommy.
:'''Lil''': What's one little cookie gonna hurt?
:'''Tommy''': ''[turns to face the babies and Angelica]'' No! I promised Angelica that no matter what she did, no matter how much she begged, no matter how much she whined, I wouldn't let her have any cookies! ''[Angelica clenches her teeth in frustration, and Phil and Lil hold her back by her dress]'' And guys, I'm gonna keep my promise!
:''[Phil and Chuckie look at each other]''
:'''Chuckie''': I love it if he gives these big speeches!
:'''Tommy''': You guys watch Angelica. I'm gonna hide these cookies! ''[walks off]''
:'''Angelica''': Oh!
:''[In the next scene, Angelica draws a cookie on a pink piece of paper with a blue crayon. She, along with Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil, are all in the playpen, drawing on pieces of paper with crayons]''
:'''Angelica''': Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie! ''[drops her crayon and stands up]'' Excuse me a sec, I'm gonna go check on the babies! ''[walks off]''
:'''Tommy''': Hey, Chuckie, where'd Angelica say she was going?
:'''Chuckie''': To check on the babies.
:'''Tommy''': Oh...alright.
:''[Tommy and Chuckie stop drawing upon realizing that they have just been fooled by Angelica]''
:'''Tommy, Chuckie and Lil''': We are the babies!
:''[Angelica is now in Tommy's bedroom, tossing various toys out of his box]''
:'''Angelica''': Cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie, cookie. ''[by the time she finds the cookies at the bottom of Tommy's toy box, Tommy's room is now a full mess]'' Aha! That's the ticket! ''[pulls the cookie jar out and hugs it]'' Cookies! My beloved cookies! I have found you! ''[Tommy walks up to her and takes the cookie jar from her]'' Hey! I want gonna eat them! I just wanted to hold them a little!
:''[Phil and Lil walk up to Tommy]''
:'''Tommy''': I'm sorry, Angelica. This is for your own luck! Now, I'm gonna go hide these in an even better place where you won't find 'em! ''[walks off with Phil and Lil]''
:'''Angelica''': ''[frowns and collapses]'' Oh!
===''Cradle Attraction/Moving Away'' [3.25]===
:'''Phil''': I'm gonna miss Angelica after all.
:'''Lil''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Charlotte''': ''[enraged]'' Those ingrates! I gave MergeCorp the best years of my life and they've given the [[New York City|New York V.P.]] job to that weasel Jonathan! ''[rips phone cord from phone]'' There's no loyalty in this town, Drew!
:'''Tommy''': You like us! You really like us!
:''[The Rugrats cheering hugging Angelica]''
:'''Angelica''': Yuck! I was making it all up! Stop hugging me! Stop it! Stop it! Nothing's change! Cut it out!
===''A Rugrats Passover'' [3.26]===
[[Category:Television show seasons]]
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'''[[w:Olive Mugenda|Olive Mwihaki Mugenda]]''' (Born 1956) is a Kenyan academic, researcher and academic administrator. In 2006 she became the first woman to lead a public university in the African Great Lakes region as Vice-Chancellor of Kenyatta University
{{writer-stub}}
{{women-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* If all leaders wrote books you can imagine how much the resource for other leaders who are coming behind us.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yZoxqi92zA she launched her book, Building Blocks For Institutional Transformation, which is an account of her work experience , challenges, and her successes in her years in leadership on May 26, 2018.]
* Many people tend to believe that they must accomplish their personal goals before their professional goals. That mentality is part of what brings women down, and hinders progress. Open up your mind so that you are not so linear and can balance family and profession. It shouldn’t be just one or the other.
**[https://sectors.kenyayearbook.go.ke/2022/04/27/olive-mugenda-visionary-scholar-with-entrepreneurial-midas-touch On Words of Wisdom.]
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Mugenda, Olive}}
[[:Category:Living people]]
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'''[[w:Olive Mugenda|Olive Mwihaki Mugenda]]''' (Born 1956) is a Kenyan academic, researcher and academic administrator. In 2006 she became the first woman to lead a public university in the African Great Lakes region as Vice-Chancellor of Kenyatta University
{{writer-stub}}
{{women-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* If all leaders wrote books you can imagine how much the resource for other leaders who are coming behind us.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yZoxqi92zA she launched her book, Building Blocks For Institutional Transformation, which is an account of her work experience , challenges, and her successes in her years in leadership on May 26, 2018.]
* Many people tend to believe that they must accomplish their personal goals before their professional goals. That mentality is part of what brings women down, and hinders progress. Open up your mind so that you are not so linear and can balance family and profession. It shouldn’t be just one or the other.
**[https://sectors.kenyayearbook.go.ke/2022/04/27/olive-mugenda-visionary-scholar-with-entrepreneurial-midas-touch On Words of Wisdom.]
== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Mugenda, Olive}}
[[:Category:Living people]]
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[[File:Flag of Palestine.svg|thumb|We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians. —[[Nelson Mandela]]]]
'''[[:w:Palestinians|Palestinians]]''' (Arabic: الفلسطينيون, <small>romanized:</small> ''al-Filasṭīniyyūn'') are an Arab ethnonational group native to the region of [[Palestine]]. They represent a highly homogeneous community who share one cultural and ethnic identity, speak Palestinian Arabic and share close religious, linguistic, and cultural practices and heritage with other Levantines.
== Quotes ==
* We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians.
** [[Nelson Mandela]], [https://minorityafrica.org/why-our-freedom-is-incomplete-without-the-freedom-of-palestinians/ Address at International Day of Solidarity with Palestinian People], Pretoria, South Africa, 4 December 1997
* What [[Kuwait]] did to the Palestinian people is worse than [[Israel and apartheid|what has been done]] by [[Israel]] to Palestinians in the [[Palestine|occupied territories]].
** [[Yasser Arafat]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/02/opinion/02karsh.html?_r=1&hp "The Palestinians, Alone" by Efraim Karsh in ''The New York Times'' (1 August 2010)].
* Put an end to the [[w:Palestinian genocide allegations|ongoing genocide]] against the Palestinian people that is taking place while the world stares in amazement.
** [[Fidel Castro]], [https://www.un.org/WCAR/statements/0109cubaE.htm World Conference against Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance], Durban, South Africa, 1 September 2001.
* The right of the Palestinian people to build their own state must be recognised by all.
** [[António Guterres]], [https://www.thedailystar.net/news/world/news/denial-palestinian-statehood-unacceptable-3525091 Non-Aligned Movement Summit], Uganda.
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia|Palestinians}}
[[Category:Palestinians]]
[[Category:Arabs]]
[[Category:Semitic-speaking peoples]]
[[Category:Stateless people]]
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/* Quotes */
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[[File:Flag of Palestine.svg|thumb|We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians. —[[Nelson Mandela]]]]
'''[[:w:Palestinians|Palestinians]]''' (Arabic: الفلسطينيون, <small>romanized:</small> ''al-Filasṭīniyyūn'') are an Arab ethnonational group native to the region of [[Palestine]]. They represent a highly homogeneous community who share one cultural and ethnic identity, speak Palestinian Arabic and share close religious, linguistic, and cultural practices and heritage with other Levantines.
== Quotes ==
* We know too well that our freedom is incomplete without the freedom of the Palestinians.
** [[Nelson Mandela]], [https://minorityafrica.org/why-our-freedom-is-incomplete-without-the-freedom-of-palestinians/ Address at International Day of Solidarity with Palestinian People], Pretoria, South Africa, 4 December 1997
* What [[Kuwait]] did to the Palestinian people is worse than [[Israel and apartheid|what has been done]] by [[Israel]] to Palestinians in the [[Palestine|occupied territories]].
** [[Yasser Arafat]], as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/02/opinion/02karsh.html?_r=1&hp "The Palestinians, Alone" by Efraim Karsh in ''The New York Times'' (1 August 2010)].
* Put an end to the [[w:Palestinian genocide allegations|ongoing genocide]] against the Palestinian people that is taking place while the world stares in amazement.
** [[Fidel Castro]], [https://www.un.org/WCAR/statements/0109cubaE.htm World Conference against Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia and Related Intolerance], Durban, South Africa, 1 September 2001.
* The right of the Palestinian people to [[w:Palestinian nationalism|build their own state]] must be recognised by all.
** [[António Guterres]], [https://www.thedailystar.net/news/world/news/denial-palestinian-statehood-unacceptable-3525091 Non-Aligned Movement Summit], Uganda.
== External links ==
{{Wikipedia|Palestinians}}
[[Category:Palestinians]]
[[Category:Arabs]]
[[Category:Semitic-speaking peoples]]
[[Category:Stateless people]]
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User:PARAKANYAA
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PARAKANYAA
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I like collecting quotations on those with extreme beliefs, particularly related to religion, ufology, or the far-right. I speak English and some French. Mostly active on enwiki.
Pages I made
* [[Order of the Solar Temple]]
* [[Luc Jouret]]
* [[Joseph Di Mambro]]
* [[Dan Burros]]
* [[Harold Covington]]
* [[Joseph Tommasi]]
* [[David Koresh]]
* [[Heaven's Gate (religious group)]]
* [[Marshall Applewhite]]
* [[Shoko Asahara]]
* [[Aum Shinrikyo]]
* [[Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments of God]]
* [[Robert Jay Mathews]]
* [[William Gayley Simpson]]
* [[Jeffrey Kaplan]]
* [[Adam Parfrey]]
* [[Christian de La Mazière]]
* [[James H. Madole]]
* [[Nicholas Goodrick-Clarke]]
* [[M. A. R. Barker]]
* [[Miguel Serrano]]
* [[Harvey Spencer Lewis]]
* [[Michael A. Aquino]]
* [[Kevin Alfred Strom]]
* [[Walter Siegmeister]]
* [[Boyd Rice]]
* [[Willis Carto]]
* [[Jean-François Mayer]]
Pages I want to make when I stop being lazy
* [[Jacques Breyer]]
* [[Raymond Bernard (esotericist)]]
* [[Nikolas Schreck]]
* [[Tom Metzger]]
* [[Michael J. Moynihan]]
* [[Richard Girnt Butler]]
* [[Wallace Fard Muhammad]]
* [[Frank Collin]]
* [[George Michael (academic)]]
* [[Christian Identity]]
* [[William R. Ferguson]]
* [[Agartha]]
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The Loud House (season 10)
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Leni clashes wjth River.
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{{italic title}}
'''[[The Loud House|Main]]''': Seasons [[The Loud House (season 1)|1]] [[The Loud House (season 2)|2]] [[The Loud House (season 3)|3]] [[The Loud House (season 4)|4]] [[The Loud House (season 5)|5]] [[The Loud House (season 6)|6]] [[The Loud House (season 7)|7]] [[The Loud House (season 8)|8]] [[The Loud House (season 9)|9]] [[The Loud House (season 10)|10]] [[The Loud House (season 11)|11]] | '''Movies''': [[The Loud House Movie]] / [[A Loud House Christmas]] / [[A Really Haunted Loud House]] / [[The Casagrandes Movie]] / [[No Time to Spy: A Loud House Movie]] / [[A Loud House Christmas Movie: Naughty or Nice]] | '''[[The Casagrandes|The Casagrandes]]''' (Seasons [[The Casagrandes/Season 1|1]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 2|2]] [[The Casagrandes/Season 3|3]]) | '''[[The Really Loud House|The Really Loud House]]'''
----
'''''{{w|The Loud House}}''''' (2016–present) is an American [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] created by [[w:Chris Savino|Chris Savino]] for [[w:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]. The series revolves around the chaotic everyday life of an accident-prone boy named Lincoln Loud, who survives as the middle child and only son in a large family of 11 children.
==''Summer Camp''==
=== Episode 1 ===
====''The Grate Outdoors'' [10.1a]====
:'''Lisa''': Fellow Puffins, cease with the racket! I just received electronic mail from our counselor, Lydia. Come gather. ''[Darcy and three Puffin camper girls gather around; reading Lydia's message] "Hey, Puffin girlies! Just got my wisdom teeth out. Thanks for the heads-up, Lisa." [to the girls]'' I told her they appeared impacted. ''[continues reading] "Doctor says swelling should go down soon. Sent a pic." [Darcy and the three camper girls gasp in shock at Lydia's cheeks swollen and her mouth drooling after her wisdom teeth removal surgery; finishes reading] "Won't be back this summer. Frowny face. But your new counselor should be there in…"''
:'''Lynn''': 'Sup, Puffins?
:'''Lisa''': Lynn, are you lost again? The mess hall's 2 cabins over.
<hr width="50%">
:'''Lynn''': ''[to Lisa]'' Let's see some hustle, Loud.
:'''Lisa''': Pass. ''[relaxes on the bed]'' These short legs are not meant for hustle. I'll be in my bed reading. ''[pulls out a magazine]'' Gotta catch up on "Unpopular Science". I hear February's fungi issue is a page turner.
:'''Lynn''': ''[tosses the magazine]'' Come on, I've got an epic day planned. We're gonna hike, swim, climb.
:'''Lisa''': And I shall be doing none of those. ''[sighs]'' I thought Lydia would have briefed you. Between the viral germs, poison oak, lake fungus and the 0.0002% chance of a cicada tornado there's just too much risk for me to leave this cabin.
:'''Lynn''': A 0.0002% chance? That's like, uh, 99% not gonna happen and like 50% not even real.
:'''Lisa''': Yeah, that's not how percentages work, dear sibling. ''[jumps down]'' You can be on your side here. ''[ushers Lynn to the door]'' I'll be fine.
:'''Lynn''': I'm not taking no for an unimportant answer. As your counsellor, and your favorite sister, I don't want you missing out on any of the fun! Give me one day to prove all of your favorite fears are bogus!
:'''Lisa''': ''[closes the window; sighs]'' I foresee your can-do spirit not letting this go so, um, fine. But if you're wrong, may I just say "I told you so", or write a dissertation on it?
====''Don't Lose Your Cool'' [10.1b]====
:'''Luan''': Hey, Lori. How's it going with your campers?
:'''Lori''': Oh. Literally fantastic. Pretty sure they already love me. ''[flips her hair, not noticing two wieners landing in it and cluelessly goes to her table; hears what her girls really think of her as she goes to the table]''
:'''Sasha''': Wow, Lori is obsessed with rules.
:'''Jen''': Right? ''[groans]'' She's so uncool.
:'''Lori''': ''[drops her tray in shock, having to be called that, then crouches down to pick up her food as her campers notice her]'' What? I am not like that at all. Well, I'll just have to show them how cool I really am.
===Episode 2===
====''Treasure Haunt'' [10.2a]====
====''Brawl of the Wild'' [10.2b]====
''[At Camp Mastodon, Leni approaches the mess hall,the place where River is goingto leave with two plates of breakfast burriots. The two bump into each other and they tumble down on khe path. River sees that the eggs are in Leni's eyes, and the two see that there's more food kn her shoes. Leni stands ip and shakes it off]''
'''River''': Oh, not again. I'm sorry, Leni. I was tryinf to bring you breakfast. I guess l'll just... ''[Sighs and walks off. Leni realizes that this is now or never]''
'''Leni''': I LIKE YOU! I mean... thank yoj. And also, l like like you. And l don't care if you live on the otner side of the world, like Arizona. This kind pf sparkle only happens...
'''River''': Leni, l like like you too. And l live jn Hazeltucky.
'''Leni''': Get out! ''[Shoves River]'' That's next to Royal Woods where l live!
'''Rivee''': No way! I work in Royal Woods. Maybe you've heard of the store "Reininger's."
'''Leni''': GET OUT!!! ''[Pushes River so hard that it causes him to fall over]'' l work at Reiningers, too! How ckme l've never seen you there?
'''River''': l don't know. I work jn Sporting Goods kn the second floor.
'''Leni''': ''[confused]'' Reinjnger's has a second floor?
'''River''': ''[Stands up]'' Would tou like to get some food? I promise l won't spill jt on your shoes this time.
'''Leni''': It's OK if you do, that seems tk be our thing.
''[She and River laugh and stare lovingly at each other. The two walk to tje mess hall, holding hands. A heart shaped iris appears and closes.]''
==Episode 3==
===''Spy Dames'' [10.3a]===
:''[Royal Woods Middle School; The students are celebrating Grandparents' Day with their grandparents]''
:'''Lincoln''': ''[holding a tray of pancakes with onions and wild boar; to the viewers]'' Today is Grandparents' Day at my school, which is why my Gran-Gran is here!
:'''Myrtle''': Ooh, Chef Pat, the pancakes look delicious. I'll take a whole stack.
:'''Chef Pat''': Enjoy. ''[gives her a stack]'' These are my Grandma Chef Pat's famous wild boar pancakes. In honor of Grandparents' Day, I'm making all of her recipes!
===''Cupid's Harrow'' [10.3b]===
:''[Leni and Miguel are watching Lori and Bobby from outside the house; They hug and smile as they hold hands before leaving in opposite directions]''
:'''Miguel''': Quick, she's coming! Act natural!
:''[Lori arrives inside the house and sighs deeply, then sees Leni and Miguel on the couch reading a magazine together that is upside down]''
:'''Lori''': Guys, I have some news... Bobby and I have decided to break up.
:'''Leni''': ''[throws the magazine over the couch, shocked]'' O-M-GOSH, WHAT?!
:'''Miguel''': ''[shocked as well]'' Girl, stop lying!
:'''Lori''': It was a tough decision. We've been together for so long and still care about each other so much. But we both agreed that we could use some time apart, find ourselves and who knows what the future holds?
:'''Leni''': ''[approaches her]'' Sister hug?
:''[Lori agrees, and they hug]''
:'''Lori''': Thanks, Leni, I needed that. ''[starts walking towards the front door, then stops]'' It might take some time, but I'll be okay. ''[leaves, closing the door behind her]''
:'''Leni''': Wow. The end of Blobby, but it's a new Bliginning!
:'''Miguel''': Ah, that would be a great name for the show.
==Episode 4==
===''Clyde Can't Decide'' [10.4a]===
===''Shred of Evidence'' [10.4b]===
==Episode 5==
===''The Big Move'' [10.5a]===
===''Personal Train Wreck'' [10.5b]===
==Episode 6==
===''Nobody Puts Baby in a Corral'' [10.6a]===
===''Birthday Stiffed'' [10.6b]===
==Episode 7==
===''All Pets Are Off'' [10.7a]===
===''Brain Man'' [10.7b]===
==Episode 8==
===''My Phony Valentine'' [10.8a]===
:'''Rusty''': ''[in unison]'' Dad, meet my new girlfriend.
:'''Amber''': ''[in unison]'' Mom, meet my new boyfriend.
:'''Annette''': ''[crossly]'' Rodney.
:'''Rodney''': ''[also cross]'' Annette.
:''[They get into each other's faces and growl with bloodshot eyes]''
:'''Rusty''': ''[confused]'' You guys know each other?
:'''Rodney''': Oh, oh, oh, oh, believe me, I know the owner of Garb 4 Guys. The rat who spread rumors that the pants I sell cause severe chafing!
:'''Annette''': Ha, says the weasel owner of Duds for Dudes who told everybody my socks overstretch! It'll be a cold day in Haberdashery before my daughter dates your son!
:'''Rodney''': Well, I'd rather spit on my spats than let my son date your daughter!
:'''Rusty''': But Amber and I made plans to go to Jean Juan's on Valentine's Day!
:'''Rodney & Annette''': Over my dead cufflinks!
<hr width="50%">
:'''Kara''': ''[groans]'' Why did I have to open my big mouth?
<hr width="50%">
:''[Valentine's Day at Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet… The restaurant has been decorated for the Kisses, Crepes, and Karaoke event]''
:'''Mr. Budden''': ''[speaking into the microphone; hosting]'' Happy Valentine's Day, and welcome to Kisses, Crepes, and Karaoke! I'm Trevor Budden. Some of you may know me as a middle school music teacher or last year's karaoke crowd fave, but tonight, I am just…
:'''Scoots''': Hopelessly single? ''[laughs]'' Even Liam's chickens have somebody.
:'''Mr. Budden''': ''[sarcastically]'' I was gonna say "your host", but thanks for the empathy.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Rusty and Amber's song has been cut off by Rodney and Annette, and they're not happy when they found out about the ruse]''
:'''Rodney''': My own son has betrayed me! Good thing I came back to give Mr. Budden his 30-point pants fit inspection.
:'''Annette''': Ugh, I just came back for taquitos! Who knew they were served with a side of deceit?!
:'''Rodney & Annette''': You're grounded for life!
===''Man of My Schemes'' [10.8b]===
:'''Lori''': ''[staring at Bobby's latest post on Swifty Pic, panicking over the idea of him moving on]'' How in the world did Bobby find someone before me?! This is so not okay! I have to find a boyfriend, stat!
:'''Kale Selfie Lori''': Wait a minute. I thought you were happy on your own.
:'''Lori''': I was, until I saw this. Now the whole world's gonna think Bobby won the breakup! I'll look pathetic.
:'''Kale Selfie Lori''': ''[gasps]'' And if you look pathetic, then ''I'' look pathetic!"
:'''Lori''': Don't worry. I'll fix it. For both of us.
==Episode 9==
===''Hobblin the Gobblin'' [10.9a]===
===''Fruit Dispute'' [10.9b]===
==Episode 10==
===''Grouse of Horrors'' [10.10a]===
===''The Lynning Ticket'' [10.10b]===
==Episode 11==
===''Shane or Shine'' [10.11a]===
===''My Science Fair Lady'' [10.11b]===
==Episode 12==
===''Student of the Jeer'' [10.12a]===
:'''Stella''': ''[talking to Lincoln and Clyde about hearing one of the students calling her a teacher's pet while doing crunches in gym class]'' I mean… Teacher's pet? Can you believe he said that?! ''[frantically]'' What was that? That was a look. You exchanged a look.
:'''Clyde''': No, we didn't. We were just… doing eyeball stretches. ''[Lincoln agrees and they glance in random directions]'' Good for your peripheral vision. Ow! Ocular cramp.
:'''Lincoln''': Okay, look. We may have heard a few people call you a Goody-Two-Shoes.
:'''Stella''': ''[flings the medicine ball in shock which sends Lincoln flying back]'' What?! They called me a Goody-Two-Shoes too?! That's even worse than I thought!
:'''Clyde''': Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I get it all the time and I'm cool with it.
<hr width="50%">
:''[Stella drags the award, chained to Principal Ramirez's desk to a bridge over a river, and prepares to throw it into the river, but the award hasn't touched the water]''
:'''Stella''': ''[frustrated]'' Ugh! Come on! ''[prepares to throw the whole desk into the river]''
:'''Principal Ramirez''': ''[off-screen]'' Stella, stop! ''[runs up]''
:'''Stella''': Principal Ramirez? How did you find me?
:'''Principal Ramirez''': I just followed the drag marks. ''[gestures to the trail in the dirt; Stella pulls up the award and sighs awfully]'' Why are you doing this?
:'''Stella''': I'm sorry, it's just, everyone thinks I'm a goody-two-shoes and a teacher's pet as it is. I really appreciate what you and all the teachers are trying to do, but getting this award would only make things worse.
:'''Principal Ramirez''': I understand. We just wanted to honor you because you're such a good kid. It's not always easy to do the right thing, but you always do. And we admire that about you. It's a shame you want to give this up because of what other people think. But I can buff out your name and give it to somebody else.
===''Bean Dreams'' [10.12b]===
==Episode 13==
===''Con Girl'' [10.13a]===
===''No Fun Run'' [10.13b]===
[[Category:The Loud House]]
[[Category:Television show seasons]]
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Olive Mwihaki Mugenda
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GrimRob
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#REDIRECT [[Olive Mugenda]]
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Anna Elisha Mghwira
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#REDIRECT [[Anna Mghwira]]
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Hon. Prof. Margaret Kobia
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#REDIRECT [[Margaret Kobia]]
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Caillou (Season 1)
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/* Caillou Joins the Circus [1.2c] */
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===Caillou Makes Cookies [1.1a]===
:'''Doris''': Caillou, uh... what are you making?
:'''Caillou''': ''[weeping softly]'' Uh... I'm making cookies.
===Caillou at Daycare [1.2b]===
:'''Leo''': ''[gets irritated, and walks over to Caillou]'' Hey! ''[stealing his blocks from Caillou, causing the cup to spill over his shirt]'' These were my blocks!
:'''Caillou''': ''[looking at his shirt, and gasps in terror, and gets terrified where the liquid was spilled over it out of the cup, and then screaming, very loud, in sadness]'' Mommy!!!!!! ''[getting very upset in sadness]''
:'''Leo''': ''[laughs rudely, and smirks]'' Your mommy was gone. ''[walks away]''
===Caillou Joins the Circus [1.2c]===
:'''Caillou''': ''[while happily brushing his teeth, and remarks]'' I don't want to be late for the circus.
:'''Boris''': ''[confused]'' Hmm? The circus? ''[concerned, while trying to explain]'' Uh... nope. Caillou, this was not today. ''[bored, while proving to Caillou that he was very wrong]'' The circus wasn't until tomorrow.
:'''Caillou''': ''[suddenly stops happily brushing his teeth before he gasps in terror, after he was incorrect, and gets too much distressed, and became terrified]'' Oh, no!!!!!! ''[getting very upset, and badly sadly whining, with his declaration]'' But it is today!!!!!! And I am getting all dressed!!!!!! ''[badly, and sadly crying, whining and sobbing with tears breaking down in his eyes, now being harassed by the fact that this was happening, over his big mistake]'' And that's today!!!!!!
:'''Boris''': ''[grumpily neglecting Caillou's challenges]'' Aaaaaaw! Come along, Caillou! ''[calmly tells Caillou to come downstairs to the kitchen]'' Just come downstairs and help me make breakfast. ''[walks out of the bathroom]''
:'''Caillou''': ''[now very promptly getting very pissed, angry, tabooed, enraged, indignant, stubborn, and upset at Boris, and losing his temper, for pissing, enraging, and angering him, and denies, and won't come downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast]'' No!!!!!! No, I can't do that!!!!!! ''[angrily, indignantly, and stubbornly sits down on the floor, and indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily growls with his mouth close, and his eyes open, then picks up his nearby toy car out of the toy bucket, to make him feel a little better]'' Vroom, vroom, vroom! ''[mockingly vrooming, and playing his nearby toy car, with his very upset, pissed, stubborn, and angry face on, but until one of the wheels unintentionally got loose, and fell off on the floor, and then he gasps in terror, and became terrified again, and then picks up his nearby toy car, and then getting even more very pissed, out of rage, sad, fierce, bad-tempered, enraged, stubborn, indignant, terrible, tabooed, disgusted, upset, angry, dangerous, rude, mean, and violent, and stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently outbursting into stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, shouting, and calling his nearby toy car a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, repeatedly using several times, for name calling, and hurting feelings, with tears breaking down in his eyes, and his eyes close, very tightly, and violently, fiercely, badly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily shaking his nearby toy car]'' <big><big><big>'''''You stupid, ol' car!!!!!! You are stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> ''[violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily growling, with his eyes close, very tightly, and his mouth close, and badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently throwing, and slamming his nearby toy car down on the floor away, when violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, stubbornly, terribly, and indignantly causing it to violently, fiercely, badly, completely, and terribly ruin, damage, wreck, break, destroy, and smash it to into thousands of pieces on purpose, and then indignantly, badly, loudly, sadly, fiercely, stubbornly, rudely, violently, and angrily screaming, shrieking, and crying, and bursting, and breaking down with tears coming out of his eyes, and while violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, inappropriate, dangerous, and violent behavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, violently, and angrily hurting, pounding, and banging his fists, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, angrily, and violently hurting, and kicking his feet against on the floor over his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car, and not coming to the circus today, and denies, and won't wait until tomorrow]'' <big><big><big>'''''WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big>
:'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Caillou was being a very bad boy now. But he was not coming to the circus today.
:'''Boris''': ''[getting very enraged, angry, terrible, and rude at Caillou, in the approach, and angrily, terribly, and rudely growling, and running over Caillou into the bathroom, by making him stop outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, and huge temper tantrum, in inertia, disgust, violence, anger, sadness, fierce, terror, and indignant, and having his really bad violent, dangerous, and too inappropriate behavior, in violence, fierce, sadness, indignant, anger, terror, and disgust, now returning, and arriving this time, while holding Rosie, who was very scared, upset, and was crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes, when Caillou was waking her up, by badly, sadly, violently, stubbornly, fiercely, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, amd huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and was loudly, angrily, terribly, and rudely shouting, and screaming at Caillou, and was angrily, terribly, and rudely blaming him for not coming downstairs to the kitchen, and was looking like he was angrily, terribly, and rudely getting ready to angrily, terribly, and rudely punish him, for the very first time, for violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, over not coming to the circus today, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, inappropriate, dangerous, and violent behavior, and loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, and shouting a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, repeatedly using several times, for name calling, and hurting feelings]'' Aaaaah!!!!!! Get along, Caillou!!!!!! Stop all that racket!!!!!! You are waking up Rosie!!!!!! ''[significantly, roughly, seriously, and sternly commands Caillou that he will still come downstairs to the kitchen to help him make breakfast quickly, and immediately]'' I need you to come right down the stairs, now.
:'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Even though, Caillou's dad has started to get really angry at him. ''[Boris angrily, terribly, and rudely strikes, and glares at Caillou, while angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again at him, with his mouth close, and his eyes open, and before angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again, with his mouth open, his eyes open, and his teeth close, and turns around, while angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away downstairs to the kitchen, holding Rosie, who was very upset, scared, and crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes]''
:'''Caillou''': ''[gets terrified again, after he misjudged, and disobeyed Boris, and his order, and confronts him, and got in big trouble, and got punished, for the very first time, and got very pissed, out of rage, frustrated, tabooed, upset, bad-tempered, angry, indignant, fierce, stubborn, enraged, terrible, sad, panicky, scared, and regretful, then gets up, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully sobbing, whining, and crying with tears in his eyes]'' But why can't I go to the circus today?!!!?!!! ''[angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly growling again with his mouth close, when angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully kicking aside his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car away on the floor, and started angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running away from the bathroom, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully leaving the bathroom, and angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running after him, feeling very indignant, frustrated, fierce, enraged, tabooed, bad-tempered, panicky, scared, sad, stubborn, regretful, terrible, angry, out of rage, pissed, and upset, over not coming to the circus today, confronting, whining, sobbing, grunting, and crying with tears in his eyes, before coming downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast, but still denies, and won't help him make breakfast]'' I want to go to the circus today!!!!!!
p3co5h8dxn0uvxniauw2efmtyl0reyi
3935029
3935028
2026-04-30T15:57:39Z
~2026-26313-98
3314900
/* Caillou Joins the Circus [1.2c] */
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wikitext
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===Caillou Makes Cookies [1.1a]===
:'''Doris''': Caillou, uh... what are you making?
:'''Caillou''': ''[weeping softly]'' Uh... I'm making cookies.
===Caillou at Daycare [1.2b]===
:'''Leo''': ''[gets irritated, and walks over to Caillou]'' Hey! ''[stealing his blocks from Caillou, causing the cup to spill over his shirt]'' These were my blocks!
:'''Caillou''': ''[looking at his shirt, and gasps in terror, and gets terrified where the liquid was spilled over it out of the cup, and then screaming, very loud, in sadness]'' Mommy!!!!!! ''[getting very upset in sadness]''
:'''Leo''': ''[laughs rudely, and smirks]'' Your mommy was gone. ''[walks away]''
===Caillou Joins the Circus [1.2c]===
:'''Caillou''': ''[while happily brushing his teeth, and remarks]'' I don't want to be late for the circus.
:'''Boris''': ''[confused]'' Hmm? The circus? ''[concerned, while trying to explain]'' Uh... nope. Caillou, this was not today. ''[bored, while proving to Caillou that he was very wrong]'' The circus wasn't until tomorrow.
:'''Caillou''': ''[suddenly stops happily brushing his teeth before he gasps in terror, after he was incorrect, and gets too much distressed, and became terrified]'' Oh, no!!!!!! ''[getting very upset, and badly sadly whining, with his declaration]'' But it is today!!!!!! And I am getting all dressed!!!!!! ''[badly, and sadly crying, whining and sobbing with tears breaking down in his eyes, now being harassed by the fact that this was happening, over his big mistake]'' And that's today!!!!!!
:'''Boris''': ''[grumpily neglecting Caillou's challenges]'' Aaaaaaw! Come along, Caillou! ''[calmly tells Caillou to come downstairs to the kitchen]'' Just come downstairs and help me make breakfast. ''[walks out of the bathroom]''
:'''Caillou''': ''[now very promptly getting very pissed, angry, tabooed, enraged, indignant, stubborn, and upset at Boris, and losing his temper, for pissing, enraging, and angering him, and denies, and won't come downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast]'' No!!!!!! No, I can't do that!!!!!! ''[angrily, indignantly, and stubbornly sits down on the floor, and indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily growls with his mouth close, and his eyes open, then picks up his nearby toy car out of the toy bucket, to make him feel a little better]'' Vroom, vroom, vroom! ''[mockingly vrooming, and playing his nearby toy car, with his very upset, pissed, stubborn, and angry face on, but until one of the wheels unintentionally got loose, and fell off on the floor, and then he gasps in terror, and became terrified again, and then picks up his nearby toy car, and then getting even more very pissed, out of rage, sad, fierce, bad-tempered, enraged, stubborn, indignant, terrible, tabooed, disgusted, upset, angry, dangerous, rude, mean, and violent, and stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently outbursting into stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, shouting, and calling his nearby toy car a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, repeatedly using several times, for name calling, and hurting feelings, with tears breaking down in his eyes, and his eyes close, very tightly, and violently, fiercely, badly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily shaking his nearby toy car]'' <big><big><big>'''''You stupid, ol' car!!!!!! You are stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big> ''[violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily growling, with his eyes close, very tightly, and his mouth close, and badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently throwing, and slamming his nearby toy car down on the floor away, when violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, stubbornly, terribly, and indignantly causing it to violently, fiercely, badly, completely, and terribly ruin, damage, wreck, break, destroy, and smash it to into thousands of pieces on purpose, and then indignantly, badly, loudly, sadly, fiercely, stubbornly, rudely, violently, and angrily screaming, shrieking, and crying, and bursting, and breaking down with tears coming out of his eyes, and while violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, inappropriate, dangerous, and violent behavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, violently, and angrily hurting, pounding, and banging his fists, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, angrily, and violently hurting, and kicking his feet against on the floor over his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car, and not coming to the circus today, and denies, and won't wait until tomorrow]'' <big><big><big>'''''WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!'''''</big></big></big>
:'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Caillou was being a very bad boy now. But he was not coming to the circus today.
:'''Boris''': ''[getting very enraged, angry, terrible, and rude at Caillou, in the approach, and angrily, terribly, and rudely growling, and running over Caillou into the bathroom, by making him stop outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, and huge temper tantrum, in inertia, disgust, violence, anger, sadness, fierce, terror, and indignant, and having his really bad violent, dangerous, and too inappropriate behavior, in violence, fierce, sadness, indignant, anger, terror, and disgust, now returning, and arriving this time, while holding Rosie, who was very scared, upset, and was crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes, when Caillou was waking her up, by badly, sadly, violently, stubbornly, fiercely, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, amd huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and was loudly, angrily, terribly, and rudely shouting, and screaming at Caillou, and was angrily, terribly, and rudely blaming him for not coming downstairs to the kitchen, and was looking like he was angrily, terribly, and rudely getting ready to angrily, terribly, and rudely punish him, for the very first time, for violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, over not coming to the circus today, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, inappropriate, dangerous, and violent behavior, and loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, and shouting a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, repeatedly using several times, for name calling, and hurting feelings]'' Aaaaah!!!!!! Get along, Caillou!!!!!! Stop all that racket!!!!!! You are waking up Rosie!!!!!! ''[significantly, roughly, seriously, and sternly commands Caillou that he will still come downstairs to the kitchen to help him make breakfast quickly, and immediately]'' I need you to come right down the stairs, now.
:'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Even though, Caillou's dad has started to get really angry at him. ''[Boris angrily, terribly, and rudely strikes, and glares at Caillou, while angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again at him, with his mouth close, and his eyes open, and before angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again, with his mouth open, his eyes open, and his teeth close, and turns around, while angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away downstairs to the kitchen, holding Rosie, who was very upset, scared, and crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes]''
:'''Caillou''': ''[gets terrified again, after he misjudged, and disobeyed Boris, and his order, and confronts him, and got in big trouble, and got punished, for the very first time, and got very pissed, out of rage, frustrated, tabooed, upset, bad-tempered, angry, indignant, fierce, stubborn, enraged, terrible, sad, panicky, scared, and regretful, then gets up, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully sobbing, whining, and crying with tears in his eyes]'' But why can't I go to the circus today?!!!?!!! ''[angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly growling again with his mouth close, when angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully kicking aside his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car away on the floor, and started angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running away from the bathroom, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully leaving the bathroom, and angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running after Boris, feeling very indignant, frustrated, fierce, enraged, tabooed, bad-tempered, panicky, scared, sad, stubborn, regretful, terrible, angry, out of rage, pissed, and upset, over not coming to the circus today, confronting, whining, sobbing, grunting, and crying with tears in his eyes, before coming downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast, but still denies, and won't help him make breakfast]'' I want to go to the circus today!!!!!!
ri6l20210lt6aacnid9rmq0r8xkd01x
User:Raquel Baranow
2
301584
3935237
3933563
2026-05-01T03:17:29Z
Raquel Baranow
915940
/* Roar 🦁 */ college I went to and dropped out shortly after second semester to study at home for thanks mom & dad
3935237
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[File:Judy Garland Over the Rainbow 2.jpg|thumb|260px|[[w:Over the Rainbow|Somewhere over the rainbow]]<br>Bluebirds fly <br>Birds fly over the rainbow <br> Why then, oh, why can't I?]]
[[File: Helen of TroyFXD.jpg |thumb|left|Let all things be left behind / Which hitherto stormed upon me, full of doom! — [[w:Helen of Troy|Helen of Troy]], in [[Goethe%27s_Faust|Goethe’s ''Faust'']]]]
I love to share knowledge, graphs, quotations and photos.😻
'''''[[Dogma|Question Authority]]''''' <br /> Skepticism is a virtue <br /> Become perfect <br /> Respect this [[w:Rare Earth hypothesis|miraculous planet]] <br /> Evolve or die <br /> 🤔🌎✌️❤️🦖💀
Draft article: [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User:Raquel_Baranow/Draft/Abolish_money '''Abolish money'''] 💰
[https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User:Raquel_Baranow/Sandbox Sandbox] ⏳🏖️
[[File:Money of the Beast 666.jpg|thumb|525px|'''''[[mark of the beast|Money of the Beast]]''''']]
{{clear}}
[[File:Rolling Stones Lyrics Poem Spiral Text Artwork.svg|thumb|500px|center|[[w:2000 Light Years from Home|2000 LIGHT YEARS FROM HOME]] I SHOUTED OUT '''[[w: CIA Kennedy assassination conspiracy theory|WHO KILLED THE KENNEDYS]]''' MY RICHES CANT BUY EVERYTHING ([[w: As Tears Go By (song)|”As Tears Go By”]]) I CANT GET NO SATISFACTION AND MY KIDS THEY JUST DONT UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL <br><br> YOU BETTER STOP 🛑 / LOOK AROUND / HERE IT COMES ([[w:19th Nervous Breakdown|”19th Nervous Breakdown”]]) — [[The Rolling Stones]], lyrics; artwork by Raquel Baranow (1983)]]
== See also ==
'''{{center|[[Overpopulation]]}}'''
{{center|1=[https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:ListFiles?ilshowall=1&limit=100&user=Raquel+Baranow ''I uploaded all but three of these graphs to Wikimedia Commons'']}}
[[File:Annual-World-Population-since-10-thousand-BCE-1-768x724.png|thumb|500px|center|World population, plus projections 10,000 BCE–2058]]
[[File:Distribution of Mammals on Earth.png|thumb|500px|center| '''96% of all mammalian weight on Earth is made up by humans and their livestock; only 4% is wild mammals.''']]
[[File:World Population and Projections by Medium Fertility and Continent or Country 1950 - 2100.png|thumb|500px|center|'''Africa at 4 billion in 2100'''. <br>
''World population and projections by medium fertility and continent or country'' 1950-2100]] [[File:Time for the world population to increase by one billion 1805 – 2086.png|thumb|500px|center|Time for the world population to increase by one billion 1805–2086]] [[File:U.S. Population 1900–2016, Population Projections 2017–2060 by Immigration Scenario.jpg|thumb|500px|center|U.S. population growth and projections 1900–2060 by immigration scenario. '''Note how fast U.S. population doubled!''' Ask your grandmother what it was like living on a less populated planet. See also: [[w:Behavioral sink|Behavioral sink]]]]
[[File:Racial Ethnic Composition of the United States 1970 2050.jpg|thumb|500px|center|Racial and ethnic composition of the United States 1970–2050]]
'''{{center|[[Global warming]] (Climate pollution)}}'''
[[File:Global primary energy consumption by source.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Renewable (non-polluting) energy sources won’t save us:''' 84.3% of global energy comes from fossil fuels (in 2000 it was 86.1%); '''11.4% from renewables''' (2019)]]
[[File:CO2 reductions needed to keep global temperature rise below 2C 1950 - 2100.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Never going to happen:''' CO2 reductions needed to keep global temperature rise below 2°C 1950–2100. <br> <br>We went from 0°C to 1.4° in 50 years (1976–2026). Models project that by the end of this century, global temperature will be at least 5°F (2.8°C) warmer than the 1901-1960 average, and possibly as much as 10.2°F (5.7°C) warmer. — ''[https://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-temperature Climate change: global temperature]'', NOAA (2025)]]
[[File:Graph CO2 CH4 and Temperature Graph in English 15 June 2015 by Reg Morrison.jpg|thumb|center|500px|'''Greenhouse gasses 420,000 years ago to present correlated to [[w:Glacier|glaciation]] and temperature. During these [[w:Ice ages|Ice ages]] Chicago was covered by a [[w:Ice_age#Recent_glacial_and_interglacial_phases|glacier one mile thick]].''' <br><br> ''Atmospheric methane (CH4) carbon dioxide (CO2) and temperature (°C)'' See also: [[w:Arctic methane emissions|Arctic methane emissions]]]]
[[File:Global greenhouse gas emissions from food production.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Eating meat causes 53% of global greenhouse gas emissions from food production.''']]
[[File:Greenhouse Gas Emissions by Sector, 2016.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Transportation only 16.2%''' <br>''Greenhouse gas emissions by sector of the economy'' (2016)]]
== Roar 🦁 ==
Read ''The Crisis of Our Age'' at a critical time before going to Southern Illinois University.
* '''The pleasure is only for a little moment, and it [passes] like a dream, and a man at the end thereof finds death through knowing it.'''
** — [[Ptahhotep]], Maxim #18 ([[w:24th century BC|24th century BC]]); translated by [[w: E._A._Wallis_Budge|Sir E. A. Wallis Budge]], ''[https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.82818|The Teaching Of Amenem Apt Son Of Kanekht]'' (London : Martin Hopkinson and Company Ltd, 1924), p. 58
**Quoted by [[Pitirim Sorokin]] in [https://ia801506.us.archive.org/0/items/in.ernet.dli.2015.275906/2015.275906.The-Crisis.pdf ''The Crisis of Our Age,''] (New York : Dutton, 1941), p. 138
* I edit on an [[w:iPhone 16 Pro|iPhone 16 Pro Max]], desktop mode; rarely [[w:iPad (6th generation)|iPad 6]]
6su273h5fw20gl4g0z8cps0tg3vp2ab
3935255
3935237
2026-05-01T04:34:02Z
Raquel Baranow
915940
/* Roar 🦁 */ link to Southern Illinois University Carbondale
3935255
wikitext
text/x-wiki
[[File:Judy Garland Over the Rainbow 2.jpg|thumb|260px|[[w:Over the Rainbow|Somewhere over the rainbow]]<br>Bluebirds fly <br>Birds fly over the rainbow <br> Why then, oh, why can't I?]]
[[File: Helen of TroyFXD.jpg |thumb|left|Let all things be left behind / Which hitherto stormed upon me, full of doom! — [[w:Helen of Troy|Helen of Troy]], in [[Goethe%27s_Faust|Goethe’s ''Faust'']]]]
I love to share knowledge, graphs, quotations and photos.😻
'''''[[Dogma|Question Authority]]''''' <br /> Skepticism is a virtue <br /> Become perfect <br /> Respect this [[w:Rare Earth hypothesis|miraculous planet]] <br /> Evolve or die <br /> 🤔🌎✌️❤️🦖💀
Draft article: [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User:Raquel_Baranow/Draft/Abolish_money '''Abolish money'''] 💰
[https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/User:Raquel_Baranow/Sandbox Sandbox] ⏳🏖️
[[File:Money of the Beast 666.jpg|thumb|525px|'''''[[mark of the beast|Money of the Beast]]''''']]
{{clear}}
[[File:Rolling Stones Lyrics Poem Spiral Text Artwork.svg|thumb|500px|center|[[w:2000 Light Years from Home|2000 LIGHT YEARS FROM HOME]] I SHOUTED OUT '''[[w: CIA Kennedy assassination conspiracy theory|WHO KILLED THE KENNEDYS]]''' MY RICHES CANT BUY EVERYTHING ([[w: As Tears Go By (song)|”As Tears Go By”]]) I CANT GET NO SATISFACTION AND MY KIDS THEY JUST DONT UNDERSTAND ME AT ALL <br><br> YOU BETTER STOP 🛑 / LOOK AROUND / HERE IT COMES ([[w:19th Nervous Breakdown|”19th Nervous Breakdown”]]) — [[The Rolling Stones]], lyrics; artwork by Raquel Baranow (1983)]]
== See also ==
'''{{center|[[Overpopulation]]}}'''
{{center|1=[https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:ListFiles?ilshowall=1&limit=100&user=Raquel+Baranow ''I uploaded all but three of these graphs to Wikimedia Commons'']}}
[[File:Annual-World-Population-since-10-thousand-BCE-1-768x724.png|thumb|500px|center|World population, plus projections 10,000 BCE–2058]]
[[File:Distribution of Mammals on Earth.png|thumb|500px|center| '''96% of all mammalian weight on Earth is made up by humans and their livestock; only 4% is wild mammals.''']]
[[File:World Population and Projections by Medium Fertility and Continent or Country 1950 - 2100.png|thumb|500px|center|'''Africa at 4 billion in 2100'''. <br>
''World population and projections by medium fertility and continent or country'' 1950-2100]] [[File:Time for the world population to increase by one billion 1805 – 2086.png|thumb|500px|center|Time for the world population to increase by one billion 1805–2086]] [[File:U.S. Population 1900–2016, Population Projections 2017–2060 by Immigration Scenario.jpg|thumb|500px|center|U.S. population growth and projections 1900–2060 by immigration scenario. '''Note how fast U.S. population doubled!''' Ask your grandmother what it was like living on a less populated planet. See also: [[w:Behavioral sink|Behavioral sink]]]]
[[File:Racial Ethnic Composition of the United States 1970 2050.jpg|thumb|500px|center|Racial and ethnic composition of the United States 1970–2050]]
'''{{center|[[Global warming]] (Climate pollution)}}'''
[[File:Global primary energy consumption by source.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Renewable (non-polluting) energy sources won’t save us:''' 84.3% of global energy comes from fossil fuels (in 2000 it was 86.1%); '''11.4% from renewables''' (2019)]]
[[File:CO2 reductions needed to keep global temperature rise below 2C 1950 - 2100.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Never going to happen:''' CO2 reductions needed to keep global temperature rise below 2°C 1950–2100. <br> <br>We went from 0°C to 1.4° in 50 years (1976–2026). Models project that by the end of this century, global temperature will be at least 5°F (2.8°C) warmer than the 1901-1960 average, and possibly as much as 10.2°F (5.7°C) warmer. — ''[https://www.climate.gov/news-features/understanding-climate/climate-change-global-temperature Climate change: global temperature]'', NOAA (2025)]]
[[File:Graph CO2 CH4 and Temperature Graph in English 15 June 2015 by Reg Morrison.jpg|thumb|center|500px|'''Greenhouse gasses 420,000 years ago to present correlated to [[w:Glacier|glaciation]] and temperature. During these [[w:Ice ages|Ice ages]] Chicago was covered by a [[w:Ice_age#Recent_glacial_and_interglacial_phases|glacier one mile thick]].''' <br><br> ''Atmospheric methane (CH4) carbon dioxide (CO2) and temperature (°C)'' See also: [[w:Arctic methane emissions|Arctic methane emissions]]]]
[[File:Global greenhouse gas emissions from food production.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Eating meat causes 53% of global greenhouse gas emissions from food production.''']]
[[File:Greenhouse Gas Emissions by Sector, 2016.png|thumb|center|500px|'''Transportation only 16.2%''' <br>''Greenhouse gas emissions by sector of the economy'' (2016)]]
== Roar 🦁 ==
Read ''The Crisis of Our Age'' at a critical time before going to [[w:Southern Illinois University Carbondale|Southern Illinois University]].
* '''The pleasure is only for a little moment, and it [passes] like a dream, and a man at the end thereof finds death through knowing it.'''
** — [[Ptahhotep]], Maxim #18 ([[w:24th century BC|24th century BC]]); translated by [[w: E._A._Wallis_Budge|Sir E. A. Wallis Budge]], ''[https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.82818|The Teaching Of Amenem Apt Son Of Kanekht]'' (London : Martin Hopkinson and Company Ltd, 1924), p. 58
**Quoted by [[Pitirim Sorokin]] in [https://ia801506.us.archive.org/0/items/in.ernet.dli.2015.275906/2015.275906.The-Crisis.pdf ''The Crisis of Our Age,''] (New York : Dutton, 1941), p. 138
* I edit on an [[w:iPhone 16 Pro|iPhone 16 Pro Max]], desktop mode; rarely [[w:iPad (6th generation)|iPad 6]]
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'''''The “Sandbox” is where Wikiquotians / Wikipedians compose quotes / articles and experiment with wikitext.''''' Please visit my [[user:Raquel_Baranow]] page!
=== Quotes ===
==Syntax / Reference==
* [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:RecentChanges?days=7&hideWikibase=1&hidebots=1&hidecategorization=1&limit=250&urlversion=2 Recent changes]
*[[Joseph_Goebbels#Sportsplast_speech_“slip_of_the_tongue”_(18_February_1943)]]
* [[wikt: χάραγμα]] vs [[wikt: στίγμα]]
* [[wikisource:]]
*[[Gottfried_Feder#"Manifesto_for_the_Abolition_of_Enslavement_to_Interest_on_Money"_(1919)|Interest slavery]]
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* <nowiki> <!-- PLEASE: <br>
* [[wq:MOBILEFRIENDLY]]: do not stack pictures in the lead<br>
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'''{{center|[[Overpopulation]]}}'''
{{center|[[https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:ListFiles?ilshowall=1&limit=100&user=Raquel+Baranow ''I uploaded all but one of these graphs to Wikimedia Commons'']]}}
{{center|1=[https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Special:ListFiles?ilshowall=1&limit=100&user=Raquel+Baranow ''I uploaded all but one of these graphs to Wikimedia Commons'']}}
__NOTOC__
:<small>'''CONTENT:'''</small> [[#A-D|A-D]] , [[#E-H|E-H]] , [[#I-L|I-L]] , [[#M-P|M-P]] , [[#Q-T|Q-T]] , [[#U-Z|U-Z]] , [[#See also|See also]] , [[#External links|External links]]
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Second presidency of Donald Trump
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The '''{{w|Second Presidency of Donald Trump}}''' began on [[w:Second inauguration of Donald Trump|his inauguration]] [[w:Eastern Time Zone|EST]] on January 20, 2025, when [[Donald Trump]] was [[w:Second inauguration of Donald Trump|inaugurated]] as the [[w:List of Presidents of the United States|47th]] [[president of the United States]], succeeding [[Joe Biden]]
:See also:
::'''''[[2026 Iran war]]'''''
::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]'''''
::'''''[[Trumpism]]'''''
==Quotes==
[[File:CA Guard and protestors, June 2025.jpg|thumb|California may be first, but it clearly will not end here. Other states are next. Democracy is next. Democracy is under assault before our eyes. ~ [[Gavin Newsom]]]]
[[File:Noah R. Feldman at Harvard University (cropped).jpg|thumb|We need independent universities. We need an independent press. And, of course, we need independent courts. And Trump doesn't like independence because independent institutions can say no to him. And the more he can weaken the independence of those institutions, the more he can make his agenda the dominant agenda. And ultimately, this is about Trump trying to impose his view of the world on everybody else. ~ [[Noah Feldman]]]]
[[File:Transphobia (alt).png|thumb|It is the policy of the United States to recognize two sexes, male and female. [[Transphobia in the United States|These sexes are not changeable and are grounded in fundamental and incontrovertible reality.]] ~ [[Donald Trump]]]]
[[File:Second cabinet of Donald Trump in August 2025.jpg|thumb|The administration is efficient and punctual, and its leader can do no wrong. The American republic is aiming for a head-on collision with democracy, and not incidentally is becoming an enigma, if not a laughingstock, to the rest of the free world. It has to stop. ~ Religion News Service]]
[[File:Flag map of Canada.svg|thumb|As United States President Donald Trump relentlessly threatens to annex Canada, reiterating the threat again this week in a speech to American military officials, some Canadians are worried that a U.S. invasion could one day become a reality. How would that scenario play out? Looking at the sheer size of the American military, many people might believe that Trump would enjoy an easy victory.<br>That analysis is wrong. ~ Aisha Ahmad]]
=== 2025 ===
==== January 2025 ====
* The privilege of United States citizenship is a priceless and profound gift. The Fourteenth Amendment states: “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” That provision rightly repudiated the Supreme Court of the United States’s shameful decision in Dred Scott v. Sandford, 60 U.S. (19 How.) 393 (1857), which misinterpreted the Constitution as permanently excluding people of African descent from eligibility for United States citizenship solely based on their race.<br>But the Fourteenth Amendment has never been interpreted to extend citizenship universally to everyone born within the United States. The Fourteenth Amendment has always excluded from birthright citizenship persons who were born in the United States but not “subject to the jurisdiction thereof.” Consistent with this understanding, the Congress has further specified through legislation that “a person born in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof” is a national and citizen of the United States at birth, 8 U.S.C. 1401, generally mirroring the Fourteenth Amendment’s text.<br>Among the categories of individuals born in the United States and not subject to the jurisdiction thereof, the privilege of United States citizenship does not automatically extend to persons born in the United States: (1) when that person’s mother was unlawfully present in the United States and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth, or (2) when that person’s mother’s presence in the United States at the time of said person’s birth was lawful but temporary (such as, but not limited to, visiting the United States under the auspices of the Visa Waiver Program or visiting on a student, work, or tourist visa) and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/Executive Order 14160: Protecting the Meaning and Value of American Citizenship], 20 January 2025
* It is the policy of the United States that no department or agency of the United States government shall issue documents recognizing United States citizenship, or accept documents issued by State, local, or other governments or authorities purporting to recognize United States citizenship, to persons: (1) when that person’s mother was unlawfully present in the United States and the person’s father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth, or (2) when that person’s mother’s presence in the United States was lawful but temporary, and the person’s father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-the-meaning-and-value-of-american-citizenship/Executive Order 14160: Protecting the Meaning and Value of American Citizenship], 20 January 2025
* Without DEI, we are told, hiring and promotions will be merit-based. Make no mistake though, merit has traditionally been liberally peppered with cronyism and good-ol’-boy-ism. Now add to that fealty to the Trump Administration rather than the Constitution.<br>The reality is that Fagan’s firing has nothing to do with bolstering national security. Just the opposite. It is part of a regressive social agenda to put women back in their place, misogyny being the glue that holds together the many racist, anti-immigration, LGBTQ+ and other hate groups that have been unleashed in America.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/"Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda"], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025
* It is worth noting as well that it was President Donald Trump who signed the Women, Peace and Security (WPS) Act in 2017, mandating the implementation of United Nations Security Council Resolution 1325 (2000) that recognizes the links between gender and security and therefore seeks to bolster women’s participation in security affairs. UNSCR 1325 is built upon four pillars: participation, prevention, protection, and relief and recovery efforts. WPS emphasizes the need for inclusive diversity (women having not just a seat, but a voice at decision-making tables) and consideration of how policies and programs affect men, women, boys and girls differently.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/"Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda"], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025
* Her firing was an insult to Fagan’s career and legacy and will have significant negative national security implications.<br>The Trump Administration has vowed to end “radical and wasteful” government DEI programs. “A woke military is a weak military” DEI critics like to say. Actually, however, a well-executed DEI program can address challenges being faced by the military. Those challenges are sometimes referred to as the “5 Rs”: recruitment, retention, readiness, resources and risk to force/risk to mission.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/"Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda"], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025
* Firing Fagan was likely just the first salvo in ridding the Pentagon, and the government generally, of individuals who support diversity. What’s the next chapter? The path forward is no longer visible, just like the Coast Guard web page that used to feature Fagan’s photo and biography.
** Joan Johnson-Freese, [https://alabamareflector.com/2025/01/28/firing-of-coast-guard-commandant-serves-a-regressive-social-agenda/"Firing of Coast Guard commandant serves a regressive social agenda"], ''Alabama Reflector'', 28 January 2025
* Across the country, ideologues who deny the biological reality of sex have increasingly used legal and other socially coercive means to permit men to self-identify as women and gain access to intimate single-sex spaces and activities designed for women, from women’s domestic abuse shelters to women’s workplace showers. This is wrong. Efforts to eradicate the biological reality of sex fundamentally attack women by depriving them of their dignity, safety, and well-being. The erasure of sex in language and policy has a corrosive impact not just on women but on the validity of the entire American system. Basing Federal policy on truth is critical to scientific inquiry, public safety, morale, and trust in government itself.<br>This unhealthy road is paved by an ongoing and purposeful attack against the ordinary and longstanding use and understanding of biological and scientific terms, replacing the immutable biological reality of sex with an internal, fluid, and subjective sense of self unmoored from biological facts. Invalidating the true and biological category of “woman” improperly transforms laws and policies designed to protect sex-based opportunities into laws and policies that undermine them, replacing longstanding, cherished legal rights and values with an identity-based, inchoate social concept.<br>Accordingly, my Administration will defend women’s rights and protect freedom of conscience by using clear and accurate language and policies that recognize women are biologically female, and men are biologically male.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: "Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government"], 20 January 2025
* '''It is the policy of the United States to recognize two sexes, male and female. These sexes are not changeable and are grounded in fundamental and incontrovertible reality.'''
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: "Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government"], 20 January 2025
* “Gender ideology” replaces the biological category of sex with an ever-shifting concept of self-assessed gender identity, permitting the false claim that males can identify as and thus become women and vice versa, and requiring all institutions of society to regard this false claim as true. Gender ideology includes the idea that there is a vast spectrum of genders that are disconnected from one’s sex. Gender ideology is internally inconsistent, in that it diminishes sex as an identifiable or useful category but nevertheless maintains that it is possible for a person to be born in the wrong sexed body.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: "Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government"], 20 January 2025
* Agencies shall remove all statements, policies, regulations, forms, communications, or other internal and external messages that promote or otherwise inculcate gender ideology, and shall cease issuing such statements, policies, regulations, forms, communications or other messages. Agency forms that require an individual’s sex shall list male or female, and shall not request gender identity. Agencies shall take all necessary steps, as permitted by law, to end the Federal funding of gender ideology.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/defending-women-from-gender-ideology-extremism-and-restoring-biological-truth-to-the-federal-government/Executive Order 14168: "Defending Women from Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government"], 20 January 2025
* By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered:<br>Section 1. Policy and Purpose. Across the country today, medical professionals are maiming and sterilizing a growing number of impressionable children under the radical and false claim that adults can change a child’s sex through a series of irreversible medical interventions. This dangerous trend will be a stain on our Nation’s history, and it must end.<br>Countless children soon regret that they have been mutilated and begin to grasp the horrifying tragedy that they will never be able to conceive children of their own or nurture their children through breastfeeding. Moreover, these vulnerable youths’ medical bills may rise throughout their lifetimes, as they are often trapped with lifelong medical complications, a losing war with their own bodies, and, tragically, sterilization.<br>Accordingly, it is the policy of the United States that it will not fund, sponsor, promote, assist, or support the so-called “transition” of a child from one sex to another, and it will rigorously enforce all laws that prohibit or limit these destructive and life-altering procedures.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: "Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation"], 28 January 2025
* The phrase “chemical and surgical mutilation” means the use of puberty blockers, including GnRH agonists and other interventions, to delay the onset or progression of normally timed puberty in an individual who does not identify as his or her sex; the use of sex hormones, such as androgen blockers, estrogen, progesterone, or testosterone, to align an individual’s physical appearance with an identity that differs from his or her sex; and surgical procedures that attempt to transform an individual’s physical appearance to align with an identity that differs from his or her sex or that attempt to alter or remove an individual’s sexual organs to minimize or destroy their natural biological functions. This phrase sometimes is referred to as “gender affirming care.”
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: "Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation"], 28 January 2025
* Sec. 3. Ending Reliance on Junk Science. (a) The blatant harm done to children by chemical and surgical mutilation cloaks itself in medical necessity, spurred by guidance from the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), which lacks scientific integrity. In light of the scientific concerns with the WPATH guidance:<br>(i) agencies shall rescind or amend all policies that rely on WPATH guidance, including WPATH’s “Standards of Care Version 8”; and<br>(ii) within 90 days of the date of this order, the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) shall publish a review of the existing literature on best practices for promoting the health of children who assert gender dysphoria, rapid-onset gender dysphoria, or other identity-based confusion.<br>(b) The Secretary of HHS, as appropriate and consistent with applicable law, shall use all available methods to increase the quality of data to guide practices for improving the health of minors with gender dysphoria, rapid-onset gender dysphoria, or other identity-based confusion, or who otherwise seek chemical or surgical mutilation.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: "Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation"], 28 January 2025
* Sec. 4. Defunding Chemical and Surgical Mutilation. The head of each executive department or agency (agency) that provides research or education grants to medical institutions, including medical schools and hospitals, shall, consistent with applicable law and in coordination with the Director of the Office of Management and Budget, immediately take appropriate steps to ensure that institutions receiving Federal research or education grants end the chemical and surgical mutilation of children.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: "Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation"], 28 January 2025
* Sec. 6. TRICARE. The Department of Defense provides health insurance, through TRICARE, to nearly 2 million individuals under the age of 18. As appropriate and consistent with applicable law, the Secretary of Defense shall commence a rulemaking or sub-regulatory action to exclude chemical and surgical mutilation of children from TRICARE coverage and amend the TRICARE provider handbook to exclude chemical and surgical mutilation of children.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/protecting-children-from-chemical-and-surgical-mutilation/Executive Order 14187: "Protect Children from Chemical and Surgical Mutilation"], 28 January 2025
* Imprinting anti-American, subversive, harmful, and false ideologies on our Nation’s children not only violates longstanding anti-discrimination civil rights law in many cases, but usurps basic parental authority. For example, steering students toward surgical and chemical mutilation without parental consent or involvement or allowing males access to private spaces designated for females may contravene Federal laws that protect parental rights, including the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) and the Protection of Pupil Rights Amendment (PPRA), and sex-based equality and opportunity, including Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 (Title IX). Similarly, demanding acquiescence to “White Privilege” or “unconscious bias,” actually promotes racial discrimination and undermines national unity.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-indoctrination-in-k-12-schooling/Executive Order 14190: "Ending Radical Indoctrination in K-12 Schooling"], 29 January 2025
* Within 90 days of the date of this order, to advise the President in formulating future policy, the Secretary of Education, the Secretary of Defense, and the Secretary of Health and Human Services, in consultation with the Attorney General, shall provide an Ending Indoctrination Strategy to the President, through the Assistant to the President for Domestic Policy, containing recommendations and a plan for:<br>(i) eliminating Federal funding or support for illegal and discriminatory treatment and indoctrination in K-12 schools, including based on gender ideology and discriminatory equity ideology<br>(ii) protecting parental rights, pursuant to FERPA, 20 U.S.C. 1232g, and the PPRA, 20 U.S.C. 1232h, with respect to any K-12 policies or conduct implicated by the purpose and policy of this order.<br>(b) The Ending Indoctrination Strategy submitted under subsection (a) of this section shall contain a summary and analysis of the following:<br>(i) All Federal funding sources and streams, including grants or contracts, that directly or indirectly support or subsidize the instruction, advancement, or promotion of gender ideology or discriminatory equity ideology:<br>(A) in K-12 curriculum, instruction, programs, or activities; or<br>(B) in K-12 teacher education, certification, licensing, employment, or training;<br>(ii) Each agency’s process to prevent or rescind Federal funds, to the maximum extent consistent with applicable law, from being used by an ESA, SEA, LEA, elementary school, or secondary school to directly or indirectly support or subsidize the instruction, advancement, or promotion of gender ideology or discriminatory equity ideology in:<br>(A) K-12 curriculum, instruction, programs, or activities; or<br>(B) K-12 teacher certification, licensing, employment, or training;<br>(iii) Each agency’s process to prevent or rescind Federal funds, to the maximum extent consistent with applicable law, from being used by an ESA, SEA, LEA, elementary school, or secondary school to directly or indirectly support or subsidize the social transition of a minor student, including through school staff or teachers or through deliberately concealing the minor’s social transition from the minor’s parents.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/ending-radical-indoctrination-in-k-12-schooling/Executive Order 14190: "Ending Radical Indoctrination in K-12 Schooling"], 29 January 2025
===== Inaugural Address (January 20th, 2025) =====
*From this day forward, our country will flourish and be respected again all over the world. We will be the envy of every nation, and we will not allow ourselves to be taken advantage of any longer. During every single day of the Trump administration, I will very simply put America first.
*My recent election is a mandate to completely and totally reverse a horrible betrayal and all of these many betrayals that have taken place and to give the people back their faith, their wealth, their democracy, and, indeed, their freedom. From this moment on, America’s decline is over.
*Just a few months ago, in a beautiful Pennsylvania field, an assassin’s bullet ripped through my ear. But I felt then and believe even more so now that my life was saved for a reason. '''I was saved by God to Make America Great Again.'''
*Today, I will sign a series of historic executive orders. With these actions, we will begin the complete restoration of America and the revolution of common sense. It’s all about common sense.
*We will measure our success not only by the battles we win, but also by the wars that we end, and perhaps most importantly, the wars we never get into. My proudest legacy will be that of a peacemaker and unifier. That’s what I want to be. A peacemaker and a unifier.
*I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best.
*We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans. The future is ours, and our golden age has just begun.
**[[Donald Trump]], [https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Donald_Trump%27s_Inaugural_Address_(2025) Second inaugural address], 20 January 2025
==== February 2025 ====
* By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, and to protect opportunities for women and girls to compete in safe and fair sports, it is hereby ordered: Section 1. Policy and Purpose. In recent years, many educational institutions and athletic associations have allowed men to compete in women’s sports. This is demeaning, unfair, and dangerous to women and girls, and denies women and girls the equal opportunity to participate and excel in competitive sports.<br>Therefore, it is the policy of the United States to rescind all funds from educational programs that deprive women and girls of fair athletic opportunities, which results in the endangerment, humiliation, and silencing of women and girls and deprives them of privacy. It shall also be the policy of the United States to oppose male competitive participation in women’s sports more broadly, as a matter of safety, fairness, dignity, and truth.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/02/keeping-men-out-of-womens-sports/Executive Order 14201: "Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports"], 5 February 2025
* The Secretary of State, including through the Bureau of Educational and Cultural Affairs’ Sports Diplomacy Division and the Representative of the United States of America to the United Nations, shall:<br>(i) rescind support for and participation in people-to-people sports exchanges or other sports programs within which the relevant female sports category is based on identity and not sex
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/02/keeping-men-out-of-womens-sports/Executive Order 14201: "Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports"], 5 February 2025
*They haven’t done that [attempted to assassinate Trump] and that would be a terrible thing for them to do. Not because of me— if they did that, they would be obliterated. That would be the end. I’ve left instructions, if they do it, they get obliterated, there won’t be anything left.
**[[Donald Trump]] when questioned about Iran and proxies threatening to assassinate him after he signed executive order to put ‘maximum pressure’ on Iran, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5126429-trump-iran-assassinate/ Trump warns he left instructions to ‘obliterate’ Iran if he is assassinated] ‘’The Hill’’ (February 4, 2025)
*The only reason the Palestinians want to go back to Gaza is they have no alternative. It's right now a demolition site. This is just a demolition site. Virtually every building is down. They're living under fallen concrete that's very dangerous and very precarious. They instead can occupy all of a beautiful area with homes and safety and they can live out their lives in peace and harmony instead of having to go back and do it again. The US will take over the Gaza Strip and we will do a job with it too. We'll own it and be responsible for dismantling all of the dangerous unexploded bombs and other weapons on the site, level the site and get rid of the destroyed buildings, level it out. Create an economic development that will supply unlimited numbers of jobs and housing for the people of the area. Do a real job, do something different.<br>... So, by the United States, with its stability and strength, owning it, especially the strength that we're developing and developed over the last fairly short period of time, I would say really since the election, I think we'll be a great keeper of something that is very, very strong, very powerful and very, very good for the area, not just for Israel, for the entire Middle East.<br>... I do see a long-term ownership position and I see it bringing great stability to that part of the Middle East, and maybe the entire Middle East. And everybody I've spoken to - this was not a decision made lightly. Everybody I've spoken to loves the idea of the United States owning that piece of land, developing and creating thousands of jobs with something that will be magnificent in a really magnificent area that nobody would know.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted from [https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/full-text-trump-and-netanyahus-explosive-news-conference Full text of Trump and Netanyahu's explosive news conference] ‘’Middle East Eye’’ (February 5, 2025)
*We’re very disappointed with the judges that would make such a ruling. But we have a long way to go. We have to look, we have to find all of the fraud that’s going on. We have tremendous fraud, tremendous waste, and tremendous abuse, and theft, by the way. And the day you’re not allowed to look for theft and fraud, et cetera, then we don’t have much of a country. So, no judge should frankly be allowed to make that kind of a decision. It’s a disgrace.
**[[Donald Trump]] in response to a reporter's question concerning the court order blocking DOGE from investigating the Treasury Department, quoted in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/3799841114310-trump-s-reaction-to-court-order-blocking-doge-is-as-ominous-as-it-gets Trump’s Reaction to Court Order Blocking DOGE Is as Ominous as It Gets] ''NewsBreak'' (February 10, 2025)
*You know bullies? You know what a bully is, right? You know the bully, I’ve always ― and I found it throughout my life ― a bully is the weakest person. And they’re bullies. Hamas is bullies. The weakest people are bullies. You know that, right?
**[[Donald Trump]] in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/stunning-freudian-slip-trump-s-hot-take-on-bullies-leads-to-epic-self-own/ar-AA1ySPe3 'Stunning Freudian Slip': Trump's Hot Take On Bullies Leads To Epic 'Self Own'] ''HuffPost'' (February 12, 2025)
*I think I have the power to end this war, and I think it's going very well. But today I heard, 'Oh, well, we weren't invited.' Well, you've been there for three years. You should have never started it. You could have made a deal….</br>I could have made a deal for Ukraine that would have given them almost all of the land, everything, almost all of the land, and no people would have been killed, and no city would have been demolished, and not one dome would have been knocked down. But they chose not to do it that way.
**[[Donald Trump]] in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-ukraine-should-never-have-started-it-remarks-war-russia-rcna192710 Trump says Ukraine 'should have never started' war in Ukraine] ''NBC News'' (February 18, 2025)
* [[w:Congestion pricing in New York City|CONGESTION PRICING]] IS DEAD. Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!
** [[Donald Trump]] [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1892295984928993698 message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (19 February 2025)]
*Is Maine here, the governor of Maine?<br><I>Governor Janet Mills: I’m here.</i><br>Are you not going to comply with [the executive order signed on transgender athletes]?<br><I>Mills: I’m complying with state and federal laws.</i><br>We are the federal law. Well, you better do it, you better do it, because you’re not going to get any federal funding at all if you don’t.<br><I>Mills: We’re going to follow the law.</i><br>You’d better comply. Otherwise, you’re not getting any federal funding.<br><I>Mills: We’ll see you in court.</i><br>Good, I’ll see you in court. I look forward to that. That should be a real easy one. And enjoy your life after governor because I don’t think you’ll be in elected politics.
**[[Donald Trump]] in [https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/trump-spars-maines-governor-white-house-transgender-athletes-rcna193244 Trump spars with Maine’s governor at the White House over transgender athletes] ''NBC News'' (February 21, 2025)
==== March 2025 ====
*The Golden Age of America has just begun! Over the past six weeks, our Administration has delivered on promises like no Administration before it, always putting America First! DOGE has been an incredible success, and now that we have my Cabinet in place, I have instructed the Secretaries and Leadership to work with DOGE on Cost Cutting measures and Staffing. As the Secretaries learn about, and understand, the people working for the various Departments, they can be very precise as to who will remain, and who will go. We say the "scalpel" rather than the "hatchet." The combination of them, Elon, DOGE, and other great people will be able to do things at a historic level.
**[https://x.com/trump_repost/status/1897723225343508725 [[Donald Trump]] Posts on 𝕏] (March 6, 2025)
*The ‘Pardons’ that Sleepy Joe Biden gave to the Unselect Committee of Political Thugs, and many others, are hereby declared VOID, VACANT, AND OF NO FURTHER FORCE OR EFFECT, because of the fact that they were done by Autopen.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted from ''Truth Social'' in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-bidens-pardons-jan-6-committee-are-void-used-autopen-rcna196670 Trump claims Biden's pardons for Jan. 6 committee are 'void' because he used an autopen] ''NBC News'' (March 17, 2025)
*I don’t know anything about it. I’m not a big fan of The Atlantic. To me, it’s a magazine that’s going out of business. I think it’s not much of a magazine, but I know nothing about it. What were they talking about?… <br>It couldn’t have been very effective because the attack was very effective. I can tell you that. I don’t know anything about it. You’re telling me about it for the first time.
**[[Donald Trump]] when asked about the story of a reporter from The Atlantic receiving military strike plans against the Houthi rebels prior to the attack, as reported in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/3/24/a-shocking-breach-trump-officials-leak-military-attacks-to-the-atlantic ‘A shocking breach’: Trump officials leak Yemen attack plans in Signal chat] ''Al Jazeera'' (March 24, 2025)
*No District Court Judge, or any Judge, can assume the duties of the President of the United States. Only Crime and Chaos would result.
**[[Donald Trump]] Truth Social post, cited in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/judges-stand-firm-trump-ramps-attacks-judiciary-rcna197287 Judges stand firm as Trump ramps up attacks on judiciary] ''NBC News'' (March 21, 2025)
*It’s just something that can happen, it can happen. You can even prepare for it, it can happen. Sometimes people are hooked in and you don’t know they’re hooked in. … It’s not a perfect technology, there is no perfect technology.<br>We always want to use the best technology. This was the best technology for the moment. Again, it wasn’t classified so they probably viewed it as being something that wasn’t that important…<br>No, I don’t think (national security adviser Mike Waltz) should apologize. I think he’s doing his best. It’s equipment and technology that’s not perfect and probably he won’t be using it again.
**[[Donald Trump]] when asked if anyone could be fired after The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg was invited to a group chat on ''Signal'' by national security adviser Mike Waltz, in which top officials discussed details of attacks in Yemen, as reported in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5213462-trump-on-war-plans-group-chat-its-just-something-that-can-happen/ Trump on war plans group chat: ‘It’s just something that can happen’] ''The Hill'' (March 25, 2025)
*What it was we believe is somebody that was on the line with permission, somebody that was with Mike Walz – worked for Mike Walz at a lower level, had I guess Goldberg's number, called through the app, and somehow this guy ended up on the call.<br>Now it wasn't classified as I understand it, there was no classified information, there was no problem and the attack was a tremendous success. So I can only go by what I've been told, I wasn't involved in it, but I was told by, and the other people weren't involved at all, but I feel very comfortable actually.
**[[Donald Trump]] explaining the reason for The Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg being in a group chat discussing Houthi attack details, during an appearance on ''Newsmax'' taken from [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-reveals-how-signal-group-chat-leak-happened-atlantic-2050572 Donald Trump Reveals How Signal Group Chat Leak Happened] ''Newsweek'' (March 26, 2025)
*There weren’t details, and there was nothing in there that compromised. And it had no impact on the attack, which was very successful. A thing like that — maybe Goldberg found a way. Maybe there’s a staffer, maybe there’s a very innocent staffer, but we’ll get — I think we’ll get to the bottom of it very quickly, and it’s really not a big deal.
**[[Donald Trump]] speaking on ''The Vince Show'' regarding Jeffery Goldberg's follow-up article in ''The Atlantic'' where he published the detailed text messages he received on the ''Signal'' app of the upcoming plans for the attack on the Houthis, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5214890-trump-atlantic-signal-chat-response/ Trump reacts to new Atlantic messages: ‘Really not a big deal’] ''The Hill'' (March 26, 2025)
*I don’t fire people because of fake news and because of witch hunts…<br>I think it’s just a witch hunt and the fake news, like you, talk about it all the time, but it’s just a witch hunt, and it shouldn’t be talked [about]. We had a tremendously successful strike. We struck very hard and very lethal. And nobody wants to talk about that. All they want to talk about is nonsense. It’s fake news. …<br>I have no idea what Signal is. I don’t care what Signal is. All I can tell you is it’s just a witch hunt, and it’s the only thing the press wants to talk about, because you have nothing else to talk about. Because it’s been the greatest 100-day presidency in the history of our country.
**[[Donald Trump]] speaking on the news coverage of the Houthi attack plans texted over the Signal app and divulged by Jeffery Goldberg of ''The Atlantic'', as reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/rcna198731 Trump says he ‘couldn’t care less’ if foreign automakers raise prices due to tariffs] ''NBC News'' (March 29, 2025)
*We’ll get Greenland. Yeah, 100%. ….<br>No, I never take military force off the table. But I think there's a good possibility that we could do it without military force. We have an obligation to protect the world. This is world peace, this is international security. And I have that obligation while I'm president. No, I don't take anything off the table.
**From an [[Donald Trump]] interview with ''NBC News'' referenced in [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/03/29/trump-greenland-military-force-denmark/82722287007/ Trump says U.S. will 'get Greenland,' military force may not be needed but not ruled out] ''USA Today'' (March 29,2025)
* Well, there are plans … there are — not plans — there are methods — there are methods which you could do it. … A lot of people want me to do it. … I'm not joking. I'm not joking.
** [[Donald Trump]] on the possibilities of having a third term as President, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-third-term-white-house-methods-rcna198752 "Trump won’t rule out seeking a third term in the White House, tells NBC News ‘there are methods’ for doing so" ''NBC News'' (30 March 2025)]; also [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/mar/30/trump-third-term-president "Trump says ‘there are methods' for seeking third term in White House" ''The Guardian'' (31 March 2025)]
===== Joint session address to Congress (4 March 2025) =====
[[File:President Trump speech to joint session of Congress, 2025.jpg|thumb|I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country.]]
:<small>[https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2025/03/politics/transcript-speech-trump-congress-annotated-dg/ "Trump’s 2025 joint session address, fact checked and annotated", ''CNN'' (5 March 2025)]</small>
[[File:President Donald Trump delivers his Joint address to Congress, Tuesday, March 4, 2025, in the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C..jpg|thumb|We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer.]]
[[File:The White House - 54366787332.jpg|thumb|We need [[w:Greenland|Greenland]] for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. <br /> But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it.]]
* America is back.<br /> Six weeks ago, I stood beneath the dome of this Capitol and proclaimed the dawn of the golden age of America. From that moment on, it has been nothing but swift and unrelenting action to usher in the greatest and most successful era in the history of our country. <br /> We have accomplished more in 43 days than most administrations accomplished in four years, or eight years, and we are just getting started.
* The American dream is unstoppable, and our country is on the verge of a comeback the likes of which the world has never witnessed and perhaps will never witness again. There's never been anything like it. <br /> The presidential election of November 5 was a mandate like has not been seen in many decades. We won all seven swing states, giving us an electoral college victory of 312 votes.
* Over the past six weeks, I have signed nearly 100 executive orders and taken more than 400 executive actions — a record — to restore common sense, safety, optimism and wealth all across our wonderful land. The people elected me to do the job, and I'm doing it.
* In fact, it has been stated by many that the first month of our presidency — it's our presidency — is the most successful in the history of our nation. And what makes it even more impressive is that, do you know No. 2 is? [[George Washington]]. How about that? I don't know about that list. But we'll take it.
* Within hours of taking the oath of office, I declared a national emergency on our southern border, and I deployed the US military and border patrol to repel the invasion of our country. And what a job they've done. As a result, illegal border crossings last month were by far the lowest ever recorded. Ever.<br /> They heard my words and they chose not to come — much easier that way. In comparison, under Joe Biden, the worst president in American history, there were hundreds of thousands of illegal crossings a month, and virtually all of them, including murderers, drug dealers, gang members and people from mental institutions and insane asylums, were released into our country. Who would want to do that?
* Every day, my administration is fighting to deliver the change America needs, to bring a future that America deserves, and we're doing it. This is a time for big dreams and bold action. Upon taking office, I imposed an immediate freeze on all federal hiring, a freeze on all new federal regulations and a freeze on all foreign aid. <br /> I terminated the ridiculous green new scam. I withdrew from the unfair Paris Climate Accord, which was costing us trillions of dollars that other countries were not paying. I withdrew from the corrupt World Health Organization. And I also withdrew from the anti-American UN Human Rights Council.
* We ordered all federal workers to return to the office. They will either show up for work in person or be removed from their job. <br /> And we've ended weaponized government, where, as an example, a sitting president is allowed to viciously prosecute his political opponent, like me. How did that work out? Not too good. Not too good.
* I've stopped all [[government]] [[censorship]] and brought back [[free speech]] in America. It's back. <br /> And two days ago, I signed an order making [[English language|English]] the official [[language]] of the [[United States of America]]. <br /> I renamed the [[w:Gulf of Mexico|Gulf of Mexico]] the Gulf of America. And likewise, I renamed, for a great president, [[William McKinley]], [[w:Denali|Mount McKinley]], again. Beautiful [[Alaska]], we love Alaska. <br /> We've ended the [[tyranny]] of so-called [[diversity]], [[equity]] and [[w:Inclusion (education|inclusion]] policies all across the entire federal government, and indeed the private sector, and our military. And our country will be [[w:Woke|woke]] no longer.
* To further combat inflation, we will not only be reducing the cost of energy, but will be ending the flagrant waste of taxpayer dollars. <br /> And to that end, I have created the brand-new Department of Government Efficiency, DOGE. Perhaps you've heard of it. Perhaps. <br /> Which is headed by [[Elon Musk]], who is in the gallery tonight. Thank you Elon, you're working very hard. He didn't need this. He didn't need this. Thank you very much. We appreciate it. <br /> Everybody here, even this side, appreciates it, I believe. They just don't want to admit that.
* I want to do what has not been done in 24 years: balance the federal budget — we're going to balance it. <br /> With that goal in mind, we have developed in great detail what we are calling the gold card, which goes on sale very, very soon. For $5 million we will allow the most successful, job-creating people from all over the world to buy a path to US citizenship. It's like the green card, but better and more sophisticated.
* We're getting wokeness out of our schools and out of our military, and it's already out, and it's out of our society. We don't want it. Wokeness is troubled. Wokeness is bad. It's gone. It's gone. And we feel so much better for it, don't we? Don't we feel better?
* To further enhance our national security, my administration will be reclaiming the Panama Canal, and we've already started doing it. <br /> Just today, a large American company announced they are buying both ports around the Panama Canal and lots of other things having to do with the Panama Canal and a couple of other canals.
* I also have a message tonight for the incredible people of [[w:Greenland|Greenland]]. We strongly support your right to determine your own future. And if you choose, we welcome you into the United States of America. We need Greenland for national security and even international security. And we're working with everybody involved to try and get it. <br /> But we need it really for international world security. And I think we're going to get it. One way or the other, we're going to get it. We will keep you safe. We will make you rich, and together we will take Greenland to heights like you have never thought possible before. It's a very small population, but a very, very large piece of land and very, very important for military security.
* Earlier today, I received an important letter from President Zelensky of Ukraine. The letter reads, "Ukraine is ready to come to the negotiating table as soon as possible to bring lasting peace closer." "Nobody wants peace more than the Ukrainians," he said. "My team and I stand ready to work under President Trump's strong leadership to get a peace that lasts. We do really value how much America has done to help Ukraine maintain its sovereignty and independence. Regarding the agreement on minerals and security, Ukraine is ready to sign it at any time that is convenient for you." <br /> I appreciate that he sent this letter, just got it a little while ago. Simultaneously, we've had serious discussions with Russia and have received strong signals that they are ready for peace. Wouldn't that be beautiful? Wouldn't that be beautiful?
* Now it is our time to take up the righteous cause of American liberty. And it is our turn to take America's destiny into our own hands and begin the most thrilling days in the history of our country. <br /> This will be our greatest era. With God's help over the next four years, we are going to lead this nation even higher. <br /> And we are going to forge the freest, most advanced, most dynamic and most dominant civilization ever to exist on the face of this Earth. <br /> We are going to create the highest quality of life, build the safest and wealthiest and healthiest and most vital communities anywhere in the world. <br /> We are going to conquer the vast frontiers of science, and we are going to lead humanity into space and plant the American flag on the planet Mars, and even far beyond. <br /> And through it all, we are going to rediscover the unstoppable power of the American spirit. And we are going to renew unlimited promise of the American dream. Every single day we will stand up and we will fight, fight, fight for the country our citizens believe in, and for the country our people deserve. <br /> My fellow Americans, get ready for an incredible future because the golden age of America has only just begun. <br /> It will be like nothing that has ever been seen before.
==== April 2025 ====
* Since Trump’s inauguration, something in the American psyche has ruptured. The comforting fictions we were raised on—the permanence of democracy, the inevitability of progress, the moral arc bending obediently toward justice—have begun to decay in the open air. And as the facade crumbles, many find themselves in the throes of a bitter realization: that democracy, like any living thing, must be tended, and we—distracted, sedated, entertained into stupor—have neglected the garden.<br>But for some of us, this is not an awakening. It’s confirmation. The slow creep of authoritarian rot has long been visible to those unwilling to mistake noise for substance. We’ve seen it metastasize in school board meetings, in voter suppression bills dressed up as “security,” in pundits who speak in slogans and legislate in spite. This isn’t a glitch in the system—it is the system, finally baring its teeth.<br>American fascism doesn’t arrive with marching boots and armbands. It comes wearing a flag pin and smiling through lies. It speaks the language of liberty while gutting its meaning, builds walls while preaching unity, demands law and order while desecrating both. Its genius lies in its banality—it doesn’t shock, it numbs. It doesn’t seize power all at once; it convinces you to hand it over piece by piece, until all that’s left is the echo of your own consent.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/"We have failed to tend the garden"], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025
* And yet, even now, something resists. The illusion is fracturing. The machine groans. Some of those once entranced by the spectacle are blinking their way back to awareness. The slogans ring hollow. The outrage feels manufactured. The enemy-of-the-week carousel begins to look more like a grift than a gospel.<br>To those beginning to see it—whether with regret, disbelief, or shame—there is no need to grovel. There is no moral utility in self-flagellation. Simply step in. Join the ranks of those who refuse to be further weaponized against their own future. Redemption, in this case, is not spiritual—it’s civic.<br>But understand this: the middle ground is gone. It’s not that nuance is dead; it’s that the stakes have outgrown equivocation. This is not about partisan preference. It is about whether the society we pass on values truth or convenience, solidarity or submission.<br>Despair, seductive though it is, must be treated like any other form of propaganda: with suspicion. It flatters the ego while paralyzing the will. It tells you that caring is futile, that resistance is symbolic, that apathy is sophistication. But despair is not wisdom—it is surrender dressed in intellect’s clothing.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/"We have failed to tend the garden"], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025
* So yes—feel the rage. Let it bloom. But refine it. Make it do work. The answer to this moment is not retreat, and it is certainly not moderation disguised as maturity. The answer is engagement—real, sustained, imperfect engagement. The kind that builds something worth defending.<br>Because no one is coming to save us. There is no parent, no party, no perfectly articulated policy that will reverse this decline on its own. There’s only us—flawed, fatigued, infuriated, but still tethered to a vision of something better. Still capable of defiance. Still able to remember who we are.<br>And here is what must be remembered: this unraveling is not ordained. It is not gravity. It is not some immutable law of nature dragging us toward darkness. It is permissioned—enabled by what we tolerate, fueled by what we ignore, and shaped entirely by what we allow. History is not written in stone. It is etched moment by moment by human hands—hands that can just as easily build as they can destroy.<br>We forget sometimes that there is no “they” without us. The enforcers of tyranny have neighbors. Families. Old friends. Someone taught them to ride a bike, to read, to pray. Someone loved them. And someone, still, might reach them.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/"We have failed to tend the garden"], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025
* This is how we change the course—not with brute force, but with brave conversation. Not by outgunning, but by outlasting. By planting the seeds of doubt where loyalty once lived. By offering an outstretched hand in place of a clenched fist. By refusing to see each other as lost causes.<br>Violence is not the only language of resistance. Our refusal—clear, calm, unyielding, nonviolent —is itself a form of rebellion. Every time we persuade instead of punish, every time we refuse to dehumanize even those who’ve lost their way, we reclaim a piece of the world we want to live in.<br>Because at the end of it all, we are bound to each other—whether we like it or not. There is no exit from the shared human condition. Someone always knows someone. Someone always has a choice. And sometimes, all it takes is one defector in the right place, one refusal at the right moment, one person willing to say “no”—and mean it—for the whole damn machine to grind to a halt.<br>So remember: this isn’t hopeless, unless we make it so. This isn’t fate, unless we accept it as such. This is ours. This is still ours.<br>And when they ask what we did while the fire was rising, we will say: we remembered our humanity.<br>We remembered each other.<br>And we stood—together.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://mountainindivisible.org/news/2025/04/23/we-have-failed-to-tend-the-garden/"We have failed to tend the garden"], originally posted (and since removed) on Facebook), reposted by ''Mountain Indivisible'', 23 April 2025
==== June 2025 ====
* '''Terry Gross''': "Are you playing any official or unofficial role on Harvard's legal strategy or decision-making?"<br>'''Noah Feldman''': "No. The university follows a good policy of creating a wall between its lawyers who represent it and its law faculty who have lots of ideas about how it should be represented. So my primary role is as a constitutional scholar, analyzing the issues, writing about them, speaking about them. And that's the right job for me in this moment."
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/"Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained"], NPR, 4 June 2025
* A year ago, Harvard's commencement, our graduation, was really, in a significant way, disrupted by students protesting, including some faculty protesting, marching out of the graduation, speakers denouncing the president and the corporation of Harvard, which is what we call our board of directors. This year, commencement was pretty much the polar opposite. There was literally a standing ovation for our president, Alan Garber, when all he had done was come up to the podium. And speaker after speaker hinted at the importance of supporting the university. So what's happened is that Donald Trump's assault on the university has led to a deep unification of the campus. And that's an important transformation from a year ago. I would say it's a fundamental transformation.
** [[Noah Feldman]], Felix Frankfurter Professor of Law at Harvard University & founding director of the University's Julis-Rabinowitz Program on Jewish and Israeli Law, in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/"Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained"], NPR, 4 June 2025
* '''Terry Gross''': "The attacks on Harvard started with the task force commissioned by Trump to address antisemitism on campus. And, you know, this has led to cancellation of billions of dollars in grants and contracts to Harvard. But didn't Harvard reach a settlement with Trump over antisemitism?"<br>'''Noah Feldman''': "No. Let me tell the story a little bit differently. I think, really, what we're facing now started with the testimony in Congress of Harvard's president and a couple of other university presidents in which they were pushed very hard on a series of hypothetical questions about how the campus manages free speech in the context of protests. That put a target on Harvard's back, and the Trump administration has been pushing very, very hard since they came into office to exploit the perception - in my view, the incorrect perception - that Harvard is some sort of hotbed of bias, antisemitism and Islamophobia in order to bring about a fundamental attack on higher education with the stated goal - this is their stated goal - of making the university align itself with the administration's beliefs and priorities, which is a clear violation of the First Amendment.<br>What's more, Harvard hasn't reached any settlement of any kind with the Trump administration. There was a lawsuit brought by a small number of students alleging that Harvard had not sufficiently protected the environment against antisemitism. And that was settled by the university before the Trump administration even came into office."
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/"Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained"], NPR, 4 June 2025
* '''Terry Gross''': One of Trump's justifications for canceling government contracts is that he accused Harvard as being a breeding ground - I'm quoting here - "breeding ground for virtue signaling and discrimination." How do you interpret that?"<br>'''[[Noah Feldman]]''': "Well, first thing I would say is that it's wrong. You know, it's always hard to understand exactly what is meant when you're being maligned, but, you know, you know the feeling. You know the idea that even a dog knows the difference between being tripped over and being kicked? Well, that's someone kicking us. One piece of relevant background here is that Harvard was one of the parties in the Supreme Court case - the SFFA case - in which the Supreme Court, for the first time in nearly 50 years, overturned the idea that racial diversity was a permissible rationale to use in college admissions. And the Trump administration, in all of its rhetoric, has been referring, subsequently, to the perfectly lawful use of diversity as it existed from 1978 and really before then, until just, you know, a year or so ago as, quote-unquote, "discrimination." I think that's the rhetorical move there.<br>And Harvard is no more a breeding ground for that point of view than all of the other universities in the country, essentially all, which used exactly the same admissions procedures. It's just that it's easier for Trump to make headlines by attacking Harvard over that."<br>'''Terry Gross''': "That's probably part of the reason why many other universities are worried right now."<br>'''[[Noah Feldman]]''': "There are a lot of reasons for universities to be concerned. If Trump can go after the oldest university in the United States, one of the most significant in terms of its endowment and its academic legacy and its prestige, then he can really go after any similar university. And so all universities, I think, have very, very good reason to be concerned because going after a university is one of the things in the playbook of someone who's trying to erode democratic values and who wants to be at least dictatorial, if not a dictator.<br>Universities are a place for the preservation of free expression, free ideas and free beliefs. They've always been that. And so in any country where someone is trying to break that norm of freedom, the universities are a very important target, and that's been true historically."
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/"Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained"], NPR, 4 June 2025
* '''Terry Gross''': "So what do you think Trump's attacks on Harvard are really about?"<br>'''[[Noah Feldman]]''': "Donald Trump usually has a kind of short-term self-interest objective and then a broader-term aggrandizement objective. In the short term, his self-interest is to make a headline, to make a populist headline that says, Donald Trump is going after those liberals at Harvard University, which might please some of his supporters and, probably more important to Donald Trump, is intended to shed fear or to cast fear on everyone in higher education and, more broadly, everyone who doesn't agree with his policies. You know, it's part of the idea that every day we should wake up and listen to the radio or look at the newspaper and discover that the Trump administration has gone after some opponent in some way that makes it really hard to stand up to Donald Trump. So I think that's the short-term objective.<br>The longer-term objective, though, is part of Trump's overall assault on our democratic values and institutions. And you can see that the institutions that he likes to go after are places like universities, institutions like the press and the courts, which are institutions that are all devoted to independent judgment and independent thinking. '''We need independent universities. We need an independent press. And, of course, we need independent courts. And Trump doesn't like independence because independent institutions can say no to him. And the more he can weaken the independence of those institutions, the more he can make his agenda the dominant agenda. And ultimately, this is about Trump trying to impose his view of the world on everybody else.'''"
** [[Noah Feldman]] in an interview with Terry Gross on 3 June 2025, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/04/nx-s1-5422325/trumps-billion-dollar-war-on-harvard-explained/"Trump's billion-dollar war on Harvard, explained"], NPR, 4 June 2025
* WASHINGTON − Progressive firebrand Sen. Bernie Sanders said he believes President Donald Trump is “moving this country rapidly into authoritarianism" after Trump deployed 2,000 National Guard troops to help quell immigration protests in Los Angeles. “This guy wants all of the power. He does not believe in the Constitution. He does not believe in the rule of law. My understanding is that the governor of California, the mayor of the city of Los Angeles did not request the National Guard, but he thinks he has a right to do anything he wants,” Sanders, a Vermont independent, told CNN’s Dana Bash on “State of the Union.”
** Sudiksha Kochi, [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/06/08/bernie-sanders-trump-authoritarianism-la-protests/84102772007/"Bernie Sanders: Trump moving US 'into authoritarianism' after troops sent to LA"], ''USA Today'', 8 June 2025
* The protests come as the Trump administration has taken stronger actions to arrest and deport undocumented immigrants. Demonstrators allege the administration's immigration enforcement has violated civil and human rights. Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said in a statement on June 7 that Trump signed a memo deploying the guardsmen “to address the lawlessness that has been allowed to fester.” Both California Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom and Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass, however, have criticized the move, saying it would only escalate tensions in the area. “I would say that to a large degree, the future of this country rests with a small number of Republicans in the House and Senate who know better, who do know what the Constitution is about, and it’s high time they stood up for our Constitution and the rule of law,” Sanders said.
** Sudiksha Kochi, [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/06/08/bernie-sanders-trump-authoritarianism-la-protests/84102772007/"Bernie Sanders: Trump moving US 'into authoritarianism' after troops sent to LA"], ''USA Today'', 8 June 2025
* '''This is about authoritarian tendencies. This is about command and control. This is about power. This is about ego. This is a consistent pattern.'''
** [[Gavin Newsom]], Governor of California, in a comment to MSNBC on 8 June 2025, as quoted in by Kyle Cheney & Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/"Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear"], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025
* President Donald Trump’s deployment of 2,000 National Guard troops to Los Angeles is stretching the legal limits of how the military can be used to enforce domestic laws on American streets, constitutional law experts say. Trump, for now, has given the troops a limited mission: protecting federal immigration agents and buildings amid a wave of street protests against the administration’s mass deportation policies. To justify the deployment, Trump cited a provision of federal law that allows the president to use the National Guard to quell domestic unrest.<br>But Trump’s stated rationale, legal scholars say, appears to be a flimsy and even contrived basis for such a rare and dramatic step. The real purpose, they worry, may be to amass more power over blue states that have resisted Trump’s deportation agenda. And the effect, whether intentional or not, may be to inflame the tension in L.A., potentially leading to a vicious cycle in which Trump calls up even more troops or broadens their mission. “It does appear to be largely pretextual, or at least motivated more by politics than on-the-ground need,” said Chris Mirasolo, a national security law professor at the University of Houston.
** Kyle Cheney & Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/"Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear"], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025
* At issue is the president’s authority to deploy the military for domestic purposes. A federal law, the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878, generally bars the president from using federal troops — the Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force or Space Force — to enforce domestic laws. But there are exceptional circumstances when the president can use troops domestically. The most prominent exception is the Insurrection Act, which authorizes the president to deploy the military to suppress insurrections, “domestic violence” or conspiracies that undermine constitutional rights or federal laws. At the end of Trump’s first term, some of his most ardent supporters urged and expected him to invoke the Insurrection Act to push aside state election authorities and essentially void the 2020 presidential election results, although he never did so. During his 2024 campaign, he said he would invoke the act to subdue unrest if reelected.<br>But so far, Trump has not invoked the Insurrection Act. Instead, in a Saturday order, he cited a different statutory provision: a terse section of the U.S. code that allows the president to use the National Guard — but not any other military forces — to suppress the “danger of a rebellion” or to “execute” federal laws when “regular forces” are unable to do so. Notably, his order did not outright declare the unrest in L.A. to be a “rebellion,” but suggested it was moving in that direction.<br>“To the extent that protests or acts of violence directly inhibit the execution of the laws, they constitute a form of rebellion against the authority of the Government of the United States,” the order said.
** Kyle Cheney & Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/"Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear"], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025
* California authorities and Trump critics say that local law enforcement was effectively managing the L.A. protests. And despite the National Guard’s purportedly defensive role of protecting federal property and personnel, some experts see the deployment as throwing a lit match into a tinderbox. If the troops are drawn into violent confrontations, Trump might use the clashes as justification for invoking the Insurrection Act, which would pave the way for active-duty military forces to take more aggressive actions to subdue protesters and engage in law enforcement. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth on Saturday said Marines could be mobilized to L.A. if unrest continues, writing in a post on X that the troops “are on high alert.”<br>“The laws in this area are somewhat unsettled and untested,” said Rosa Brooks, a Georgetown University law professor who served as a counselor to the undersecretary of defense for policy under President Barack Obama. “Federalizing Guard troops in this situation — and raising the specter of also sending in active duty military personnel — is a political stunt, and a dangerous one.”<br>Experts are also eyeing whether the Guard members accompany immigration authorities when they venture away from federal buildings — a move that could signal a willingness to use troops to actively aid immigration enforcement, rather than simply protect agents from protesters.
** Kyle Cheney & Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/"Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear"], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025
* Trump is not the first president to deploy the military over a governor’s objection. But it’s the first time since 1965, when President Lyndon Johnson ordered troops to protect civil rights protesters in Alabama. President Dwight Eisenhower similarly overrode objections from Arkansas’ governor, deploying troops to help enforce the desegregation of public schools. When presidents view state and local authorities as being ineffective or recalcitrant, those steps may be justified, some experts say. “Usually the President calls out the troops with the cooperation of the governor, which happened in LA itself during the Rodney King riots,” said John Yoo, a legal counselor to President George W. Bush. “But there have been times when governors have been tragically slow, as during Hurricane Katrina, or actually resistant to federal policy, as with desegregation, or, arguably, in this case. “Trump, when speaking about the decision with reporters Sunday, said he warned Newsom a few days earlier of the possibility. “I did call him the other night,” Trump said. “I said you’ve got to take care of this, otherwise I’m sending in the troops.”<br>Newsom has railed against Trump’s unilateral action, saying it will inflame rather than ease tensions on the streets and that state and local law enforcement were appropriately responding to the unrest outside federal buildings. Newsom got backup from Democratic governors across the country, who signed a letter calling Trump’s National Guard deployment an “alarming abuse of power.”<br>“The military appears to be clashing with protesters in the streets of our country. That’s not supposed to happen,” said Elizabeth Goitein, a national security law expert at New York University’s Brennan Center. “It’s such a dangerous situation. It’s dangerous for liberty. It’s dangerous for democracy.”
** Kyle Cheney & Josh Gerstein, [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/06/09/trump-national-guard-deployment-legal-00394387/"Trump’s troop deployment is a warning sign for what comes next, legal scholars fear"], ''Politico'', 9 June 2025
* A purported member of the U.S. Army openly joined the protests against Immigration and Customs Enforcement in Dallas and has called on others in the military to "resist evil." ''Newsweek'' has contacted the Pentagon for comment via email.It comes as protests that erupted in Los Angeles over immigration enforcement raids that prompted President Donald Trump to mobilize National Guard troops and Marines have begun to spread to other cities nationwide, including Dallas, Chicago and New York. Many have been peaceful, but some have resulted in clashes with law enforcement as officers made arrests and used chemical irritants to disperse crowds. The Trump administration has said it would continue its program of raids and deportations despite the protests.
** Shane Croucher, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/military-member-joins-anti-ice-protest-tells-trump-we-are-not-pawns/"Military member joins anti-ICE protest, tells Trump: "We are not pawns""], ''Newsweek'', 11 June 2025
* "We are not pawns for [President] Donald Trump," said the uniformed woman in an unverified video posted to social media by the leftist activist channel BreakThrough News. ''Newsweek'' could not independently verify the veracity of the video and has contacted BreakThrough News for clarification. The woman was not fully identified, but a patch that read "Colado" was on her chest where troops wear their last names. She said she had joined the protests after Trump deployed Marines to Los Angeles. "Why now? It's because the military was called upon against the protesters. We, in our oath to serve, we serve the people of the United States, the Constitution," she said. "These constitutional rights are being stripped and just denied. And the military will not be pawns to that." In the interview, the woman also called on "the conscience of military members who served previously and now."<br>She said: "We have a conscience, a mind and we have a duty and moral obligation to say no and resist evil." Trump has activated more than 4,000 National Guard members and 700 Marines in Los Angeles over the objections of city and state leaders. However, the Marines have not yet been spotted in the city and the Guard troops have had limited engagement with protesters, according to ''The Associated Press''.
** Shane Croucher, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/military-member-joins-anti-ice-protest-tells-trump-we-are-not-pawns/"Military member joins anti-ICE protest, tells Trump: "We are not pawns""], ''Newsweek'', 11 June 2025
* California Governor Gavin Newsom said on CNN on Tuesday evening: '''"California may be first, but it clearly will not end here. Other states are next. Democracy is next. Democracy is under assault before our eyes."'''
** Shane Croucher, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/military-member-joins-anti-ice-protest-tells-trump-we-are-not-pawns/"Military member joins anti-ICE protest, tells Trump: "We are not pawns""], ''Newsweek'', 11 June 2025
* There was black smoke in my rearview mirror on the drive back, and I thought, ''Well, that ain’t good''. It wasn’t until I got home and turned on the local news that I found out it was Waymo driverless cars being burned. Five of them. When I turned on the national news after dark, that was pretty much all I saw: the black smoke and flaming carcasses of five empty cars owned by Google or something. Not the concerned citizens that showed up for their neighbors just to be greeted by flash grenades and rubber bullets. If you got all of your information from cable news, burning cars would be all you’d think happened.<br>Donald Trump called in the [[United States Marine Corps|Marines]] the next morning, and they drove in from Twentynine Palms. Right now the local news is doing a segment on Father’s Day gift ideas. The president thinks the situation is dangerous enough to require the military, but KTLA does not think it is important enough to preempt a piece on backgammon sets and coffee mugs repurposed from MLB game bats. They’re here now, I guess, 700 strong, and nobody seems to know what they’re going to do, or even where they’re going to stay or what they’re going to eat, because now we know that nobody budgeted for the lodging or meals of the 2,000 National Guard members who’ve been sent here, who woke up this morning on the cold stone floor of some federal building.
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/"I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV."], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025
* The ICE activity we are protesting is allegedly being directed by White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller. On Monday, The Wall Street Journal reported that Miller called a meeting of ICE officials last month and directed them to “just go out there and arrest illegal aliens.” Not to target “the worst of the worst,” as the president had indicated. Not even to target criminals or gang members at all. But to roll up to a Home Depot where day laborers gather. To post up outside of a grammar school graduation in a neighborhood with a high percentage of undocumented residents. Just go and grab them and pull them away from their homes and their babies and their lives. Just lock them up. Now that’s what they’re doing. That’s what we’re protesting. And if it turns out their papers actually are in order, which it has more than a few times, then tough shit.
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/"I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV."], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025
* Los Angeles is crazy vast. Santa Monica High School is 12 miles from where I sit writing. If I left right now, I’d be there in an hour. But do you know what’s one half of one mile, one ten-minute walk away, from Santa Monica High School? The beach. A really nice, clean, and well-maintained beach, as a matter of fact. Miller could have been taking a surf lesson, eating some Dippin’ Dots, or watching a majestic sunset over the Pacific Ocean. Instead, he’s sneering to a crowd about his right as a white person to leave his mess behind for a brown person to clean up.<br>This behavior is rancid. This rancid behavior is motivated by a rancid worldview that is the kind of rancid you really don’t grow out of. This is rancid, and now it’s backed up by the United States government, and now the United States government has lined the United States military up against its own citizens. These raids are the acting out of that entitled and bigoted and absolutely rancid worldview. That’s what we’re protesting. And on the whole we’re doing it more peacefully than most groups of people who take to the streets after their city’s team wins or loses the Stanley Cup.<br>We do not need your help.
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/"I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV."], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025
* Anyway, the Marines are here, and we’re all just kind of waiting. Around the corner and a world away. And I’m thinking of Barbara Kruger’s questions that hung above the protest I attended on Sunday. Who follows orders? Who salutes longest? Who dies first? Who laughs last?
** David Holmes, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/i-was-at-the-l-a-protests-they-re-nothing-like-what-you-re-seeing-on-tv/"I Was at the L.A. Protests. They’re Nothing Like What You’re Seeing on TV."], ''Esquire'', 11 June 2025
* With President Donald Trump's deployment of 700 Marines to Los Angeles, Sen. Bernie Sanders took to the internet to offer his own thoughts. In a video posted to his X account, Sanders said the message he wishes to impart is not about the protests or the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids in the California city but something that affects all Americans everywhere. "What's going on is all about Trump's never-ending desire for more and more power," Sanders said. The Vermont senator said that the 45th and 47th president is overriding the California governor's authority in order to consolidate more power with the U.S. military. Sanders also said that Trump is trying to wrest control from the judicial and legislative branch of government as well as stamp out universities' independence and private law offices. "Now is the time for us to come together and stand against authoritarianism and for democracy," Sanders said.
** Rin Velasco, [https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/2025/06/11/president-donald-trump-bernie-sanders-los-angeles-protests/84146227007/"'Stand against authoritarianism' Bernie Sanders decries Trump deploying military in LA"], ''Burlington Free Press'', 11 June 2025
* President Donald Trump on Thursday declared he doesn’t “feel like a king” after he was asked to address the protests planned across the country in the coming weekend to counter the expensive Washington, D.C., military parade scheduled for Saturday — his birthday and the U.S. Army’s 250th anniversary. “I don’t feel like a king,” Trump told reporters at the White House. “I have to go through hell to get stuff approved.” Trump cited the example of having to involve GOP leaders House Speaker Mike Johnson (La.) and Senate Majority Leader John Thune (S.D.) before signing a resolution passed by Congress to block California’s ban on the sale of new gas-powered cars from 2035. “No, no. We’re not a king. We’re not a king at all,” Trump added.
** Marita Vlachou, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-reacts-to-no-kings-protests-with-a-hell-ish-whine/"Trump Reacts To 'No Kings' Protests With A 'Hell'-ish Whine"], ''HuffPost'', 13 June 2025
* The organizers of the “No Kings” protests said Saturday will mark “a nationwide day of defiance,” noting that they plan to deliver a strong message against authoritarianism. “We’re not gathering to feed his ego. We’re building a movement that leaves him behind. The flag doesn’t belong to President Trump. It belongs to us,” the event’s website states. “We’re showing up everywhere he isn’t — to say no thrones, no crowns, no kings.” “No Kings” protests are scheduled in 50 states and 1,500 cities across the country, but not in Washington. Organizers said they will host a flagship march and rally in Philadelphia. The protests come as the Trump administration’s immigration crackdown has caused uproar in Los Angeles and other cities, where demonstrators came out to protest the raids carried out by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents. In response, Trump authorized the deployment in California of the National Guard, against Gov. Gavin Newsom’s (D) wishes, and also of the U.S. Marines — a move Newsom warned would pour fuel on the fire.
** Marita Vlachou, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-reacts-to-no-kings-protests-with-a-hell-ish-whine/"Trump Reacts To 'No Kings' Protests With A 'Hell'-ish Whine"], ''HuffPost'', 13 June 2025
* Trump’s Saturday parade, which is expected to feature armored vehicles, thousands of soldiers and military aircraft, is estimated to cost taxpayers about $45 million — a price tag Republicans have had a hard time defending. Earlier this week, Trump had a warning for demonstrators planning to take to the streets in Washington this weekend. “If there’s any protest that wants to come out, they will be met with very big force, by the way,” he said. “And for those people that want to protest, they’re gonna be met with very big force.”
** Marita Vlachou, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-reacts-to-no-kings-protests-with-a-hell-ish-whine/"Trump Reacts To 'No Kings' Protests With A 'Hell'-ish Whine"], ''HuffPost'', 13 June 2025
* A part of a US national suicide prevention hotline that caters for LGBTQ young people says it will soon close, after the Trump administration cut its funding. The administration has accused the service of "radical gender ideology". It says it will still fund the wider 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline - of which the LGBTQ youth option is one part - and that all callers will receive "compassion and help". The Trevor Project, an organisation that helped to run the LGBTQ option, said the decision would have a harmful impact on vulnerable young people. "Suicide prevention is about people, not politics," said Jaymes Black, the organisation's CEO. He said his service had been told to close within 30 days.<br>"The administration's decision to remove a bipartisan, evidence-based service that has effectively supported a high-risk group of young people through their darkest moments is incomprehensible," Mr Black added.<br>The decision comes during international Pride Month, which celebrates LGBTQ culture and history.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/"Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline"], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025
* The news also arrived ahead of a US Supreme Court decision on Tuesday that upheld the state of Tennessee's ban on transition-related healthcare for minors who identify as transgender. The general 988 Lifeline offers free mental health support via call, text, or chat. It is funded by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), a subsidiary of the US Health and Human Services Agency (HHS). Currently, LGBTQ young people can select option 3 from a call menu in order to connect with counsellors. After the changes, the remaining 988 Lifeline services would "focus on serving all help seekers", including those who previously chose to access LGBTQ youth services, SAMHSA said. But the hotline would "no longer silo LGB+ youth services", SAMHSA wrote in a statement, omitting the "T" and "Q" that refers to transgender and queer people in the LGBTQ acronym.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/"Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline"], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025
* Officials at HHS proposed cutting the 988 Lifeline's LGBTQ youth services last week. In a statement to NBC News at the time, an HHS spokesperson described the option as a "chat service where children are encouraged to embrace radical gender ideology by 'counselors' without consent or knowledge of their parents". Legislation passed in 2020 by the US Congress required the 988 Lifeline to provide services and staff specifically for LGBTQ people as well as other at-risk groups like rural and Native Americans.<br>The legislation noted that LGBTQ youth were "more than 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide than their peers, with 1 in 5 LGBTQ youth and more than 1 in 3 transgender youth reporting attempting suicide".<br>The law received bipartisan support - including from Donald Trump, who was then serving his first presidential term, and signed the bill into law.<br>According to the 988 Lifeline website, LGBTQ communities are "disproportionately at risk for suicide and other mental health struggles due to historic and ongoing structural violence."<br>The Trevor Project began providing its services through the 988 Lifeline in 2022. In 2024, it served more than 231,000 crisis contacts, the organisation said in a statement. It says it will continue to provide its own independent services.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/"Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline"], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025
* The decision to eliminate the 988 Lifeline's designated LGBTQ youth option comes amid Trump's push to curtail services, support, and access for transgender people across the federal government. He has pushed to end diversity, equity, and inclusion policies (DEI) within the federal government, arguing that such programmes are themselves discriminatory. The president has also ordered the removal of transgender servicemembers from the US military and issued an executive order that the US would only recognise two sexes – male and female. The US Department of State also announced it would no longer allow applicants to choose "X" as their gender on US passports. Instead, transgender individuals must choose "male" or "female" corresponding to their sex assigned at birth.
** Kayla Epstein, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cwyqlv7y31go/"Trump ends funding for LGBTQ youth option on national suicide hotline"], ''BBC News'', 19 June 2025
* Last week, during a visit to the “South Loop” ICE facility (the Intensive Supervision Appearance Program office located at 2245 S. Michigan Avenue in Chicago) we were denied the ability to perform congressional oversight – as is our duty as members of the United States House of Representatives. During the visit to this facility, the ICE officer who refused to identify himself called the Chicago Police Department to evict us for “trespassing.” We are writing today to express deep concern regarding the lack of oversight of these facilities and their operations, and to request immediate and full access to ICE facilities for the purpose of investigating this activity further. This specific facility has been the site of very disturbing incidents that have shaken our community. On June 4, 2025, ICE officials detained at least 10 individuals after they were texted to demand they show up for a routine appointment1. It is unclear exactly how many people were taken, where they were taken to, and if they were given access to counsel – all of which we were hoping to learn through performing our oversight duties. We were denied those answers. We are writing to you today to demand access to this facility.
** [[Raja Krishnamoorthi]], U.S. Representative for the Illinois 8th Congressional District & Jonathan Jackson, U.S. Representative for the Illinois 1st Congressional District, [https://krishnamoorthi.house.gov/sites/evo-subsites/krishnamoorthi.house.gov/files/evo-media-document/2025.06.23-dhs-letter-final%29.pdf/Letter to Kristi Noem], 23 June 2025
* Our request comes as the President has declared his intent to carry out the “single largest mass deportation program in history,” specifically naming the city of Chicago as a target, in addition to other Democratic-run cities. The President’s politically motivated actions are deeply troubling, particularly for communities like ours in Illinois that have already seen intensified enforcement activity in recent weeks. The administration must ensure that all individuals, regardless of immigration status, are treated with dignity and afforded due process – as that is the law. Yet the reality on the ground tells a different story. The President has repeatedly targeted Chicago, and we are now witnessing the consequences unfold in disturbing ways.<br>In Chicago, these facilities are the site of reports that allege rushed deportations, inadequate medical care, restricted legal access, and poor conditions. These are not isolated incidents—they point to broader systemic failures in enforcement and facility oversight.
** [[Raja Krishnamoorthi]], U.S. Representative for the Illinois 8th Congressional District & Jonathan Jackson, U.S. Representative for the Illinois 1st Congressional District, [https://krishnamoorthi.house.gov/sites/evo-subsites/krishnamoorthi.house.gov/files/evo-media-document/2025.06.23-dhs-letter-final%29.pdf/Letter to Kristi Noem], 23 June 2025
* Some of the individuals lured to ICE facilities in Chicago were reportedly detained for several days under inhumane conditions. One of those detained, Ms. Gladis Yolanda Chavez Pineda—a longtime Chicago resident and respected community leader—described a harrowing experience. Her husband stated in an interview, “She has not had access to a shower. She has not had access to feminine hygiene products. She has not been able to change her clothes...They have no information of what’s happening. They don’t even have a clock.” After being moved to a jail in Kentucky, Pineda reported that “People are sleeping on concrete floors. Last Sunday, one mattress was given to a group of 20 mothers to share. In one of the facilities, only one bathroom is given to 20 or more individuals, with no partitions and privacy.” These reports reflect systemic issues in ICE’s enforcement strategies and facility management, not just in Illinois but across the country.
** [[Raja Krishnamoorthi]], U.S. Representative for the Illinois 8th Congressional District & Jonathan Jackson, U.S. Representative for the Illinois 1st Congressional District, [https://krishnamoorthi.house.gov/sites/evo-subsites/krishnamoorthi.house.gov/files/evo-media-document/2025.06.23-dhs-letter-final%29.pdf/Letter to Kristi Noem], 23 June 2025
* The Pentagon has officially stripped the late gay civil rights leader Harvey Milk's name from a U.S. naval vessel, amid broader efforts by the Trump administration to erase what it describes as "woke" ideology from the public. The former USNS Harvey Milk is now called the USNS Oscar V. Peterson, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced in a video posted online Friday. "We are taking the politics out of ship naming," Hegseth said. "We're not renaming the ship to anything political. This is not about political activists, unlike the previous administration."<br>The ship is part of the John Lewis-class oilers, named after the famed civil rights activist and longtime congressman.<br>In 2016, then-Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus said ships in this class would be named after leaders in civil rights activism. That included paying homage to Milk, who was a Navy veteran and became the first openly gay person to serve in California politics when he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Milk was assassinated by a former board colleague in 1978, leaving behind a legacy of advocacy for gay rights. The ship's new namesake, Oscar V. Peterson, was a U.S. Navy chief petty officer who was killed in World War II and posthumously granted a Medal of Honor by Congress for bravery during the war.
** Alana Wise, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/27/nx-s1-5449053/harvey-milk-navy-ship-renamed-oscar-peterson/"USNS Harvey Milk renamed amid Trump administration efforts to cut DEI"], NPR, 27 June 2025
* Under Hegseth's guidance, the Navy is reviewing the names of several other ships named after women, Black and Hispanic people. Other Navy vessels under review include those named after Thurgood Marshall, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Harriet Tubman, Dolores Huerta, Cesar Chavez, Lucy Stone and Medgar Evers.
** Alana Wise, [https://www.npr.org/2025/06/27/nx-s1-5449053/harvey-milk-navy-ship-renamed-oscar-peterson/"USNS Harvey Milk renamed amid Trump administration efforts to cut DEI"], NPR, 27 June 2025
==== July 2025 ====
* The Presidential Memorandum of January 12, 2017 (Promoting Diversity and Inclusion in Our National Parks, National Forests, and Other Public Lands and Waters)[https://obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/the-press-office/2017/01/12/presidential-memorandum-promoting-diversity-and-inclusion-our-national], is hereby revoked.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/07/making-america-beautiful-again-by-improving-our-national-parks/Executive Order: Making America Beautiful Again By Improving Our National Parks], 3 July 2025
*I've never been in a town or a political system that is so dominated by one individual. Usually, you're entering an ecosystem rather than the world of one personality. But he [Donald Trump] is a phenomenon. A unique politician.
**[[Peter Mandelson]] quoted in [https://www.forbes.com/sites/robertolsen-1/2025/07/13/britains-ambassador-says-trump-will-be-one-of-the-most-consequential-presidents-in-american-history/ "Britain’s Ambassador Says Trump Will Be ‘One Of The Most Consequential Presidents In American History’"], ''Forbes'' (Jul 13, 2025)
* The refusal by the Trump administration to release the files and videos amassed during investigations into the activities of the pedophile [[Jeffrey Epstein]], should put to rest the absurd idea, embraced by Trump supporters and gullible liberals, that Trump will dismantle the Deep State. Trump is part of, and has long been part of, the repugnant cabal of politicians – [[Democrat]] and [[Republican]] – [[billionaires]] and celebrities who look at us, and often underage girls and boys, as commodities to exploit for profit or pleasure.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2025/07/13/chris-hedges-trump-epstein-and-the-deep-state/ Trump, Epstein and the Deep State]. Scheerpost. July 13, 2025.
==== August 2025 ====
* Behold. The festering carcass of American rot shoved into an ill-fitting suit: the sleaze of a conman, the cowardice of a draft dodger, the gluttony of a parasite, the racism of a Klansman, the sexism of a back-alley creep, the ignorance of a bar-stool drunk, and the greed of a hedge-fund ghoul—all spray-painted orange and paraded like a prize hog at a county fair.<br>Not a president. Not even a man. Just the diseased distillation of everything this country swears it isn’t but has always been—arrogance dressed up as exceptionalism, stupidity passed off as common sense, cruelty sold as toughness, greed exalted as ambition, and corruption worshiped like gospel.<br>It is America’s shadow made flesh, a rotting pumpkin idol proving that when a nation kneels before money, power, and spite, it doesn’t just lose its soul—it shits out this bloated obscenity and calls it a leader.
** Oliver Kornetzke, [https://www.thepoke.com/2025/09/27/this-vividly-insulting-description-of-donald-trump-is-the-most-brutal-summary-of-the-us-president-youll-ever-read/?callback=in&code=NJDJM2E2MZYTMGJKNS0ZZMUXLWFIMJITZMRLNGFHMTFMYTY0&state=8ee969016a444a30b9ef4685545bba10/"This vividly insulting description of Donald Trump is the most brutal summary of the US president you’ll ever read"], originally posted on Facebook on 18 August 2025, reposted by Michael White, ''The Poke'', 27 September 2025
* This weekend, we learned from the media that Donald Trump has been planning for quite a while now to deploy armed military personnel to the streets of Chicago. This is exactly the type of overreach that our country’s Founders warned against.
** [[JB Pritzker]], Governor of Illinois, in a statement on 25 August 2025, as quoted by Michael Luciano, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-declares-i-have-the-right-to-do-anything-i-want-because-i-m-the-president/"Trump Declares, ‘I Have the Right To Do Anything I Want’ Because ‘I’m the President’"], ''Mediaite'', 26 August 2025
* I have the right to do anything I wanna do. I’m the President of the United States. If I think our country’s in danger — and it is in danger in these cities — I can do it, no problem going in and solving, you know, his difficulties. But it would be nice if they’d call in and say, “Would you do it?” And we do it in conjunction. Now, we work very well with the police because we naturally get along with the police. So, the police and us work really well together, whether the mayor is opposed or whether– I mean, you have a really rotten mayor there, too. He’s got a six percent approval rating in Chicago.<br>And I see Black women wearing a red MAGA hat last night on television. “Please let the president come in. My son was attacked. My this–”. You have a force of Black women, Black Women. They’re like, “Only Trump.” They want Trump to come in.
** Donald Trump, statement on 26 August 2025, defending his repeated decision to federally-activate U.S. Army National Guard forces in California, Washington, D.C., and a planned activation in Illinois, all against the wishes of local/state officials. As quoted by Michael Luciano, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-declares-i-have-the-right-to-do-anything-i-want-because-i-m-the-president/"Trump Declares, ‘I Have the Right To Do Anything I Want’ Because ‘I’m the President’"], ''Mediaite'', 26 August 2025
* Since returning to office in January 2025, President Donald Trump has taken numerous actions that have alarmed international human rights observers: deporting immigrants without due process, holding detainees in inhumane, overcrowded conditions, and deploying both the National Guard and federal military troops to Los Angeles to quell largely peaceful protests. In recent weeks, National Guard troops have deployed to Washington, ostensibly to move unhoused citizens off the streets and to fight crime. Now, with Trump announcing that he will send the National Guard from conservative states to other left-leaning cities like Chicago and New York, fears are rising of an uptick in political violence and human rights violations.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/"U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?"], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025
* Even the troops themselves are questioning what they would do if asked to turn on their fellow Americans. According to new survey data from the Human Security Lab at UMass Amherst, which I direct, the vast majority of them recognize the duty to disobey an unlawful order and are able to imagine such scenarios. Whether they would actually disobey an order when push comes to shove, however, is a murkier question.<br>U.S. troops today face an ethical conundrum: they are trained to obey their commander-in-chief, but their oath is to the U.S. Constitution. And when asked if he must "uphold the Constitution," Trump has replied, "I don't know." Moreover, under the Uniform Code of Military Justice, service members have a duty to obey lawful orders, but under the U.S. Courts Martial Manual, they also have a duty to disobey unlawful orders-defined as those that clearly violate the U.S. Constitution, U.S. federal law, or international law like the Geneva Conventions. In these instances, following orders is not a defense: service members can be held individually liable for such crimes and prosecuted under the doctrine of individual responsibility.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/"U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?"], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025
* Many of Trump's orders are already being questioned as unconstitutional, and numerous international bodies have indicated that many of his actions violate seven decades of established international human rights standards; some may constitute crimes against humanity. Even the deployment of active-duty troops itself risks violating the Posse Comitatus Act prohibiting the use of federal troops for domestic law enforcement. Thus, U.S. troops are in a bind-and it's already affecting troop morale. Some troops are actively calling for Congress to protect service members who refuse to follow unlawful orders.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/"U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?"], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025
* How far is the military likely to go in resisting orders given by Trump? The answer depends a great deal on the individual service member and the context. Troops are taught to disobey orders to commit war crimes in the course of their duties, for example, but as legal historian Tom Dannenbaum points out, they have not typically had the right to question the terms of their deployments, even when those terms themselves-such as Russia's aggressive war against Ukraine-clearly violate international law. Thus, under existing customary law, it would be more likely for troops to conscientiously resist orders to commit atrocities than orders to deploy per se, even in violation of the Posse Comitatus Act.<br>Second, troops are not required to disobey every questionable order, allowing a muddled grey area that makes it unreasonable to think there would be 100 percent compliance with this doctrine. In legal terms, according to military historian Mark Osiel, the barometer for "manifestly unlawful" orders is whether the order is "illegal on its face" -that is, whether an ordinary person would know that what they are doing is wrong. This is reflected in the procedural rules for court martial. But social scientists predict men and women in uniform vary in how they understand the threshold for "manifest unlawfulness" because they can easily talk themselves into excusing actions based on contextual factors.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/"U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?"], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025
* In this context, it is notable that so many US troops are willing to state they would openly disobey orders such as detaining people inhumanely, starving civilians or shooting civilians. And research shows if even a minority is willing to stand up, it can matter. Criminologist Eva Whitehead researched conscientious disobedience during the Vietnam War and at the East German border during the Cold War: her work found that when some troops disobeyed, it was easier for others to follow suit.<br>Opposition to following unlawful orders is prevalent among U.S. troops. The question is whether it will make a difference when it counts. Uniformed personnel understand the concept of an order that is manifestly unlawful, and their own responsibility to disobey such an order. This won't entirely prevent harm, as some of those soldiers may still buckle under the weight of military hierarchy in a high-stress situation. But the willingness of so many service members to recognize unlawful orders, and their duty to disobey, highlights the moral agency of individuals and the enduring power of international legal standards, even in difficult and unprecedented times.
** Charli Carpenter, professor of political science and legal studies at University of Massachusetts-Amherst, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/u-s-troops-are-obligated-to-disobey-unlawful-orders-would-they/"U.S. Troops Are Obligated to Disobey Unlawful Orders. Would They?"], ''World Politics Review'', 26 August 2025
* The United States exists in a new-old universe. After nearly 250 years of democracy, it seems infected with totalitarianism, racial superiority, anti-communism and all the petrified theories advanced by another populist politician, Adolph Hitler. Donald Trump did say he would be a dictator on day one. History will be the judge, but things look rather bleak right now for the democracy side of the equation.
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/"The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture"], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025
* Take art and culture. During the 12 years of Hitler’s corruption of the concepts of law and order, he also attacked what we now call “creatives” and cultural institutions. The backlash against artistic Modernism had begun earlier in Germany’s Weimar era, but the Führer fully enforced his own ideas of what comprised art. He banned “degenerate art”: Bauhaus, Cubism, Dada, Expressionism, Fauvism, Impressionism and Surrealism. And the regime supported only official painters, sculptors, architects, writers and even actors.<br>Things are trending in the same direction in the 21st-century United States. Trump, having gotten himself elected chair of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, has vowed to end “woke political programming” at Washington’s premier arts venue. As an example of what this means, the Kennedy Center hosted a screening this week of “The Revival Generation,” a documentary about a “nationwide campus revival movement” drawing Gen Z Americans. Billed as a “call to faith and a message of hope” that “(c)aptures a spiritual awakening among today’s youth,” the program included a one-hour worship service with “a local worship collective.”
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/"The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture"], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025
* Next Trump ordered a review of exhibits at the Smithsonian Museums that has sent curators scrambling to “fix” exhibits Mr. Trump finds too woke. The list of things needing repair at the National Museum of African American History and Culture, the National Portrait Gallery and the National Museum of the American Latino focuses on mentions of race, slavery, immigration and sexuality. The artwork that offends the curator-in-chief is not Cubism or Dadaism or Impressionism. Unlike Hitler, Trump has not put Picasso, Duchamp and Monet on the banned lists. Rather, it is Rigoberto Gonzalez’s extraordinary “Refugees Crossing the Border Wall into South Texas.” The list goes on. Some of it is, well, edgy. But it is not of the order of “Immersion (Piss Christ),” Andres Serrano’s 1987 photograph of a crucifix submerged in a container of his own urine. Despite an outcry from politicians who tried to defund its sponsors, the piece won an award in a competition partly sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts. Ronald Reagan was president then.
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/"The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture"], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025
* If only Trump would confine his new strictures to art and culture, his populism would be an affront only to the pursuit of beauty. But they cross several lines, assaulting truth as well. As several mainline faith leaders and the U.S. Catholic bishops have pointed out, the derisive oppression of poor immigrants by members of the current administration is sickening. That some administration officials continue to publicly espouse Christian ethics is mind-boggling. Government spokespeople bend the truth and present an alternate reality. Then, there are the humorless bureaucrats who can change numbers to suit the master’s will. '''The administration is efficient and punctual, and its leader can do no wrong. The American republic is aiming for a head-on collision with democracy, and not incidentally is becoming an enigma, if not a laughingstock, to the rest of the free world. It has to stop.'''
** Anonymous, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/channel/source/RNS/"The degeneracy of Christian nationalism and the demolition of culture"], ''Religion News Service'', 29 August 2025
* Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem confirmed Sunday that the Trump administration plans to expand Immigration and Customs Enforcement operations in major cities, including Chicago. Asked about plans to expand ICE operations in Chicago specifically, Noem told CBS News’ “Face the Nation,” “We’ve already had ongoing operations with ICE in Chicago and throughout Illinois and other states, making sure that we’re upholding our laws, but we do intend to add more resources to those operations.” Asked about what an expansion of ICE operations would look like in Chicago and whether it would involve a mobilization of National Guard troops to assist with immigration raids and arrests, Noem demurred, saying, “That always is a prerogative of President [Donald] Trump and his decision. I won’t speak to the specifics of the operations that are planned in other cities.”<br>Her remarks come one day after Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson signed an executive order directing his city’s legal department to explore ways to counter a potential surge in federal law enforcement and National Guard troops to Illinois.<br>During a press conference Saturday, Johnson warned that Chicago officials had “received credible reports that we have days, not weeks, before our cities see some type of militarized activity by the federal government.”
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/"Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities"], NBC News, 31 August 2025
* Earlier this month, the Trump administration directed federal law enforcement officers, including those employed by ICE, to assist police in Washington, D.C., with crime-fighting operations. That surge of resources included thousands of National Guard troops who were deployed to the nation’s capital with the stated goal of lowering crime rates. Following the movement of troops and law enforcement officers to Washington, Trump threatened to send federal officers and troops to other major American cities, including Baltimore. Later in the Sunday interview, Noem was asked whether Boston would be one of the cities where the federal government would surge immigration enforcement agents.<br>“There’s a lot of cities that are dealing with crime and violence right now, and so we haven’t taken anything off the table,” she said, adding later: “I’d encourage every single big city — San Francisco, Boston, Chicago, whatever they are — if they want to help make their city safer, more prosperous, allow people the opportunity to walk in freedom like the people of Washington, D.C., are now ... they should call us.”
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/"Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities"], NBC News, 31 August 2025
* Other Democratic officials, including a group of over a dozen governors, have condemned plans to deploy troops to their states. In a statement last week, they said, “Whether it’s Illinois, Maryland and New York or another state tomorrow, the President’s threats and efforts to deploy a state’s National Guard without the request and consent of that state’s governor is an alarming abuse of power, ineffective, and undermines the mission of our service members.”
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/"Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities"], NBC News, 31 August 2025
* And in an interview that aired Sunday on “Face the Nation,” Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker, a Democrat, said, “We don’t want troops on the streets of American cities. That’s un-American. Frankly, the president of the United States ought to know better.”<br>Pritzker also accused the Trump administration of targeting states run by Democrats rather than those run by Republicans, telling CBS, “Notice he never talks about where the most violent crime is occurring, which is in red states. ... Their violent crime rates are much worse in other places, and we’re very proud of the work that we’ve done.”<br>Asked whether there are plans in place to deploy troops and federal law enforcement officials to states and cities run by Republicans, Noem said, “Absolutely.”<br>“Every single city is evaluated for what we need to do there to make it safer. So we’ve got operations that, again, I won’t talk about details on, but we absolutely are not looking through the viewpoint at anything we’re doing with a political lens,” she added.
** Alexandra Marquez, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/kristi-noem-confirms-plan-to-expand-ice-operations-in-major-cities/"Kristi Noem confirms plan to expand ICE operations in major cities"], NBC News, 31 August 2025
* In their initial doubts, what some Guardsmen were really asking was existential: Are we becoming something different? After all, the National Guard appears to have a new kind of mission, one that began in Los Angeles when Trump federalized the Guard over immigration concerns; moved to D.C. under the auspices of addressing “rampant violence and disorder”; and, according to Trump, could soon expand to Chicago and Baltimore.<br>This ambiguity not only invites confusion and raises fears of troops conducting more police-like functions, but it also thrusts the National Guard into the middle of political disputes. The more often it is deployed in politically divisive missions—instead of the more routine apolitical assignments to disaster zones—the more perilous the Guard’s standing becomes among the American public.
** Ashley Parker, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/why-is-the-national-guard-in-d-c-even-they-don-t-know/"Why Is the National Guard in D.C.? Even They Don’t Know"], ''The Atlantic'', 29 August 2025
* By the time we headed home, after several hours spent wandering the city’s various quadrants, it was clear that almost no one felt particularly good about the arrangement: not the National Guardsmen, many of whom clearly didn’t want to be there, leaving their families and jobs in order to spread mulch and pick up trash; and not the residents, many of whom were furious with the occupation of their city or, worse, terrified of what the military’s presence portended for them and their loved ones. Even those residents who welcomed the troops did so from a place of discontent, so fed up with crime and quality-of-life issues that they felt relieved that someone was finally doing something, anything to help.
** Ashley Parker, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/why-is-the-national-guard-in-d-c-even-they-don-t-know/"Why Is the National Guard in D.C.? Even They Don’t Know"], ''The Atlantic'', 29 August 2025
* According to research by the libertarian Cato Institute published earlier this month, one in five people arrested by ICE have been Latinos with no criminal past or removal orders against them from the government, which they called a "telltale sign of illegal profiling." Karkatsanis warns that through his latest order, Trump has created a "vigilante portal" where anyone can "sign up to be a Brownshirt to brutalize poor people, immigrants, people of color, and anyone else who might dare to, say, go to a protest." He says that it "should be a nonstop emergency news alert," but that "instead, mainstream news and Democrats are barely mentioning it."
** Stephen Prager, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/sign-up-to-be-a-brown-shirt-expert-blasts-wanna-be-dictator-trump-s-new-executive-order/"Sign up to be a brown shirt': Expert blasts 'wanna-be-dictator' Trump's new executive order"], ''Alternet'', 31 August 2025
==== September 2025 ====
* I'm a firm believer that President Trump will run and win again in 2028, so I've already endorsed President Trump. A man like this comes along once every century, if we're lucky. We've got him now.
** [[Steve Bannon]], endorsing Donald Trump to run for an unconstitutional third term in 2028, as quoted by Adeola Adeosun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/justice-barrett-weighs-in-on-trump-third-term-talk/ar-AA1M9jYl?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68c015781ccf4696a35a5ef8dd24a801&ei=11/"Justice Barrett weighs in on Trump third-term talk"], ''Newsweek'', 8 September 2025
* The 22nd Amendment, ratified in 1951, explicitly states: "No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice." This amendment was adopted following Franklin D. Roosevelt's unprecedented four terms in office, establishing a formal limit on presidential tenure that had previously been only a tradition dating all the way back to America's first president, George Washington.<br>In March, Trump told NBC News that "a lot of people would like me to do that," regarding a third term, adding, "There are methods which you could do it, as you know." He reiterated these sentiments in subsequent interviews, though he has also occasionally denied interest in pursuing such a path.<br>Some Trump allies, like podcast host Steve Bannon, adviser during Trump's first term, have suggested unconventional workarounds. One theory involves Trump running as vice president on a ticket where the presidential nominee would then step aside after winning, allowing Trump to assume the presidency. Legal experts, however, broadly agree this would violate both the letter and spirit of the Constitution.
** Adeola Adeosun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/justice-barrett-weighs-in-on-trump-third-term-talk/ar-AA1M9jYl?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68c015781ccf4696a35a5ef8dd24a801&ei=11/"Justice Barrett weighs in on Trump third-term talk"], ''Newsweek'', 8 September 2025
* Donald Trump was recently asked about negotiating with the Democrats to avoid a government shutdown. “Don’t even bother dealing with them,” the president said. “If you gave them every dream, they would not vote for it.” Well, I don’t know about Democrats, Mr. President, but as an Independent I am prepared to vote with you if you simply do what the American people want. At a time when 60% of our people are living paycheck to paycheck I don’t think it’s a “dream” to ask that you:<br>Not slash Medicaid and throw 15 million people off their health insurance, resulting in over 50,000 deaths a year.<br>Not raise health care premiums by 75%, on average, for over 20 million Americans due to cuts to the Affordable Care Act.<br>Not, at a time of unprecedented income and wealth inequality, give the richest people in America a trillion dollars in tax breaks.<br>Not cut nutrition programs for hungry kids.<br>Not make it harder for young people to get a higher education.<br>Mr. President, your party controls the House, the Senate and the White House. Do not shut down the government.<br>If you come to an agreement on these issues, you’ve got my vote.
** [[Bernie Sanders]], U.S. Senator from Vermont, [https://www.sanders.senate.gov/press-releases/news-sanders-mr-president-do-not-shut-down-the-government/"Mr. President: Do Not Shut Down the Government"], 13 September 2025
* One of highest honors of my life.
** Donald Trump regarding a state dinner with King [[Charles III]], ''[https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/donald-trump-calls-uk-state-dinner-with-king-charles-one-of-highest-honors-of-my-life-9297573 Trump Calls UK State Dinner "One Of Highest Honors Of My Life"]'', ''ndtv.com'', September 18, 2025
* It was an extraordinary week. The slumbering giant of America is awakening. Americans forced Disney to put [[Jimmy Kimmel]] back on the air. Over 6 million people watched Kimmel’s Tuesday monologue assailing Trump’s attempt to censor him. Another 26 million watched it on social media, including YouTube. (Kimmel’s usual television audience is about 1.42 million.) Trump’s dictatorial narcissism revealed itself nearly as dramatically in the criminal indictment of former FBI director [[James Comey]], coming immediately after Trump fired the U.S. attorney who refused to indict him.<br>As did Trump’s demand that prosecutors go after philanthropist [[George Soros]], Senator [[Adam Schiff]], New York Attorney General Letitia James, and other perceived enemies.<br>As did Trump’s order yesterday, directing the “Secretary of War, Pete Hegseth” to use “full force, if necessary” to “protect War ravaged Portland” Oregon and any “ICE Facilities under siege from attack by Antifa, and other domestic terrorists.” He is escalating his use of the U.S. military against Americans.<br>There was also his bonkers speech to the United Nations telling delegates that their nations are “going to hell.” His attribution of autism to Tylenol, even though doctors say it is safe for pregnant women in moderation. His unilateral imposition of tariffs as high as 100 percent on imports of pharmaceuticals and kitchen cabinets.<br>Friends, his neofascism and his dementia are both in plain sight.
** [[Robert Reich]], [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-awakened-an-angry-sleeping-giant-this-week-and-he-s-about-to-roar-opinion/ar-AA1Ns9Yn?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=68d8c4df4dbf481aa997d9100e2b384a&ei=7/"Opinion: Trump awakened an angry sleeping giant this week — and he's about to roar"], ''Alternet'', 28 September 2025
* His polls continue to drop. Voters are turning against him and his Republican party. On Tuesday, Democrat Adelita Grijalva won Arizona’s 7th Congressional District in a special election — leaving House Republicans with a majority of just five. Grijalva’s victory comes on the heels of another Democratic win: James Walkinshaw’s in Virginia. Two more special elections are coming, in Texas and Tennessee. Speaker Mike Johnson is struggling to hold House Republicans together, facing rebellion on issues such as the release of files relating to disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein.<br>Democrats are refusing to go along with Republicans to fund the government beyond Tuesday unless Republicans agree to extending Affordable Care Act subsidies — now set to expire at the end of the year and cause 24 million people to lose coverage or pay skyrocketing premiums.
** [[Robert Reich]], [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-awakened-an-angry-sleeping-giant-this-week-and-he-s-about-to-roar-opinion/ar-AA1Ns9Yn?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=68d8c4df4dbf481aa997d9100e2b384a&ei=7/"Opinion: Trump awakened an angry sleeping giant this week — and he's about to roar"], ''Alternet'', 28 September 2025
* Friends, I can’t tell you exactly when the tipping point will occur — when elected Republicans will rebel against him, or when his dementia becomes so apparent he’s forced to resign, or when so much of the nation rises up against his dictatorship that he’s impeached and convicted of high crimes — but we’re getting closer. As I said a few days ago, I’ve been in and around politics for 60 years and have developed a sixth sense about the slumbering giant of America. That giant is now stirring. He about to stand. He’s angry. Soon he will roar.<br>'''Your activism is working. Be strong. Be safe. Hug your loved ones. We’ll get through this.'''
** [[Robert Reich]], [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-awakened-an-angry-sleeping-giant-this-week-and-he-s-about-to-roar-opinion/ar-AA1Ns9Yn?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=68d8c4df4dbf481aa997d9100e2b384a&ei=7/"Opinion: Trump awakened an angry sleeping giant this week — and he's about to roar"], ''Alternet'', 28 September 2025
* Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s speech to top generals was supposed to serve as a rallying cry for military exceptionalism — but it didn’t land that way with many of the people it was targeting. Numerous defense officials — who watched senior brass scramble to Washington and then sit through a partisan speech from President Donald Trump and a return to old-school military standards by Hegseth — were left wondering why the event had occurred at all. “More like a press conference than briefing the generals,” said one defense official, who, like others, was granted anonymity due to fears of retribution. “Could have been an email.”
** Jack Detsch & Leo Shane III, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/could-have-been-an-email-officials-balk-at-hegseth-s-generals-meeting/ar-AA1NCljG?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68d985793737465b924fecec9b34bbb8&ei=8/"‘Could have been an email’: Officials balk at Hegseth's generals meeting"], ''Politico'', 30 September 2025
* Defense officials, in the Pentagon and at bases around the world, spent much of Tuesday trying to make sense of the last-minute gathering at the Quantico base in Virginia. Hegseth called out “fat generals,” and, separately, pushed fitness standards that could limit women in combat roles, while Trump offered his justification for sending the military into American cities. The 90-minute event — which featured military officials who swore an oath to the Constitution attending something more akin to a campaign rally — had the feeling of a Hollywood production. Trump even instructed officials to “just have a good time.”<br>The meeting took place hours before a likely government shutdown, and struck some officials as a distraction that threatens to shift the military’s focus away from foreign threats toward an unprecedented domestic role. “Not quite a loyalty test, but … on the spectrum of loyalty to ideology,” said a second defense official. “Total waste of money.”
** Jack Detsch & Leo Shane III, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/could-have-been-an-email-officials-balk-at-hegseth-s-generals-meeting/ar-AA1NCljG?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68d985793737465b924fecec9b34bbb8&ei=8/"‘Could have been an email’: Officials balk at Hegseth's generals meeting"], ''Politico'', 30 September 2025
* The Pentagon has insisted the U.S. military is retooling to prepare for a potential war with China. But sending American troops to patrol their own cities will “distract warfighters from actually training to fight and win” against Beijing, said a fourth defense official.<br>Several Trump allies, including Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.), said a face-to-face meeting like Hegseth’s helped reinforce the administration's visions. “There needs to be more warfighter training,” he said in an interview. “We don't do enough of it. We don't do enough flying training. I like this approach … I thought it was a strong speech.” Democrats, on the other hand, attacked the event as purely vanity-driven. Sen. Mazie Hirono (D-Hawaii) called the resources used for the meeting “totally unjustified” and an exercise in chest thumping. “This comes at the expense of real national security,” she said in an interview. “But obviously they don’t give a rip.”
** Jack Detsch & Leo Shane III, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/could-have-been-an-email-officials-balk-at-hegseth-s-generals-meeting/ar-AA1NCljG?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68d985793737465b924fecec9b34bbb8&ei=8/"‘Could have been an email’: Officials balk at Hegseth's generals meeting"], ''Politico'', 30 September 2025
* Lt. Col. Amy McGrath called out U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth for trying to overshadow women’s contribution to the U.S. military in his effort to meet “the highest male standard’ among U.S. soldiers. “Each service will ensure that every requirement for every combat [Military Occupational Specialty], for every designated combat arms position, returns to the highest male standard,” Hegseth told leaders at Marine Corps Base Quantico, in Quantico, Virginia on Tuesday. “Only because this job is life or death, standards must be met and not just met at every level. We should seek to exceed the standard to push the envelope to compete.”
** Adam Lynch, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/that-was-bonkers-former-marine-fighter-pilot-blasts-trump-s-rambling-military-speech/ar-AA1NBSpZ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68dd07966b0146f9a069e63bd183e9e1&ei=10/"'That was bonkers': Former Marine fighter pilot blasts Trump’s 'rambling' military speech"], ''Alternet'', 30 September 2025
* “Hegseth still has a lot to learn, unfortunately,” said McGrath, speaking with the “Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer.” “When I flew my combat missions, there was not a set male standard and a female standard for flying an aircraft onto the back of an aircraft carrier. You can either do it or you can't. Combat jobs have had one standard for a long time. And part of when we opened combat jobs to women, those of us that were in those jobs wanted one standard to be set. And it was — so I think it's kind of ridiculous.”<br>“But, honestly, that, in comparison to the rest of what we heard in the last hour, is really minor,” McGrath added. “That speech was bonkers by the president, and everybody sitting in that room knows that we don't have a coherent foreign policy or defense policy. And that, I think, is a bigger issue indeed.”
** Adam Lynch, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/that-was-bonkers-former-marine-fighter-pilot-blasts-trump-s-rambling-military-speech/ar-AA1NBSpZ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68dd07966b0146f9a069e63bd183e9e1&ei=10/"'That was bonkers': Former Marine fighter pilot blasts Trump’s 'rambling' military speech"], ''Alternet'', 30 September 2025
* McGrath was particularly wrathful at President Donald Trump suggesting the city of Chicago serve as a kind of “training ground” for urban warfare.<br>“There was a lot of rambling. There was a ton of lies. There was a lot of politicization … and craziness that you heard from this speech, but the scariest part was when the president talked about using our cities as a training ground for the United States military,” said McGrath. “Now, the military has done training in cities before, but that's not what I think he's talking about here. He's talking about using the military in ways that we should not see in America. And I'm very worried about this.”<br>“I think the whole part of bringing these generals and admirals back here was to discuss this type of thing, and it should it should scare us all,” McGrath said. “This is something that we just don't do in America. We have police to fight crime, and we should be putting money into those police forces, not sending American troops that are trained for war to American cities.”
** Adam Lynch, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/that-was-bonkers-former-marine-fighter-pilot-blasts-trump-s-rambling-military-speech/ar-AA1NBSpZ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68dd07966b0146f9a069e63bd183e9e1&ei=10/"'That was bonkers': Former Marine fighter pilot blasts Trump’s 'rambling' military speech"], ''Alternet'', 30 September 2025
==== October 2025 ====
* In an interview at Catholic University last week, Supreme Court Justice [[Clarence Thomas]] said what he’s clearly been thinking for the past 30 years: Supreme Court precedents don’t matter, and he’s making things up as he goes along to fulfill his own political agenda. He didn’t say it in that way, of course. People would have noticed that. Instead, he couched his self-serving philosophy in legal jargon that will fly under the radar of most people, including journalists. Here’s what he said: “At some point we need to think about what we’re doing with stare decisis.… [I]t’s not some sort of talismanic deal where you can just say ‘stare decisis’ and not think, turn off the brain, right?”<br>To translate: “Stare decisis” is a foundational legal principle in this country and all countries that follow a “common law” system. What it means, in simple terms, is that prior judicial rulings govern future judicial rulings. If a court rules, for instance, that “gay people have the same basic rights as everyone else in this country, including the right to marry other people,” then that ruling is supposed to govern all future cases concerning the rights of gay people.<br>Thomas, apparently, doesn’t agree. Instead of respecting stare decisis and precedent, he is saying that older cases shouldn’t have the power to control newer ones. For Thomas, just because courts ruled that LGBTQ people should have rights in the past, including the right to marry, doesn’t mean he feels compelled to rule that they should keep them.
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&ei=10/"Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights"], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025
* We’ve seen this in Thomas’s opinions in recent years. In 2022, he declared, in a separate but supporting opinion in the ''Dobbs'' case, that ''Roe v. Wade'' was not respectful of our legal traditions, but ''Loving v. Virginia'' is. Why? Well because ''Roe'' gave women rights, while ''Loving'' gave Thomas the right to marry his white wife, and if you have a better legal difference between those cases other than Thomas’s own personal preferences, I’d love to hear you explain it. Thomas has also decided (in this case, writing for the majority) that simple gun registration laws are not respectful of our traditions in this country, but he signed on to an opinion giving the president the powers of the very king we revolted against. You simply cannot chart a course through what passes for logic in Thomas’s head without understanding his preferred policy outcomes.<br>If Thomas were the only justice who thought like this, it would be a containable problem. But the entire Republican cabal on the Supreme Court rules exactly in the way Thomas is talking about, with no respect for precedent or stare decisis. This coming term, the Republicans on the court are likely to overturn a voting rights precedent they set for themselves only a couple of years ago. The Republicans literally cannot be trusted to respect ''their own rulings''.
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&ei=10/"Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights"], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025
* '''The entire Trump administration has been a “mask off” moment for the Supreme Court’s conservatives. It turns out, they don’t actually care about precedent (no matter how many times they lied and claimed to care during their Senate confirmation hearings). They don’t actually care about the text. They don’t actually care about judicial restraint. They want the political outcomes they want and they have the votes to do it.'''<br>Thomas’s speech is a declaration that there is no judicial precedent that is safe from the current Republicans on the court. Stare decisis will not stand in their way of getting what they want. You could read the entire speech as a shot across the bow of ''Obergefell v. Hodges'', and it is, but it’s also a rare moment where Thomas told the truth about what he and his friends are actually doing. '''They do not care about traditions, norms, or the very foundation of judicial decision making in a common law system. They only care about winning.'''
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&ei=10/"Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights"], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025
* That’s all going to be very bad for those of us who do not happen to be white cis-hetero men in the near term, but there is a silver lining. Thomas’s speech at Catholic University literally lays down the playbook for how to defeat him and all the evil and cruelty he has wrought during his time on the bench. According to Thomas, future Supreme Court justices do not have to wrestle with the precedents laid down by Thomas and his Roberts-court brethren. They do not have to distinguish future cases from the ones that are being decided today. They do not have to wait for Congress to pass new laws, or for the Constitution to be amended. They don’t have to stay on the train Clarence Thomas is driving.<br>And I am here for that. By Thomas’s own admission, the power of the Roberts court dies the moment there are more liberals on the bench than Republicans. That could happen as soon as the next presidential election, if Democrats get their act together to take control of the Supreme Court. If stare decisis is dead, then it’s dead forever. What can’t happen is for future Democratic justices to try to resurrect it, to preserve the power of the people who killed it. Clarence Thomas will soon be the longest-serving justice in American history. It’s good to know that he thinks his opinions will not matter after he’s dead. On that, he and I agree.
** Elie Mystal, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/clarence-thomas-admits-that-he-s-coming-for-our-rights/ar-AA1NKA43?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68debf3c3daa4765898f5ee85f8975a7&ei=10/"Clarence Thomas Admits That He’s Coming for Our Rights"], ''The Nation'', 2 October 2025
* Six months ago, I wrote a piece urging soldiers to leave the United States military. At the time, the possibility that the president might use the military as a tool to unjustly abuse US citizens was still somewhat theoretical. At the risk of being repetitive, events in the world make me feel compelled to write, once again: Leave the military now. The time when you can say that you did not understand what might happen is coming to an end.<br>Yesterday, the Secretary of Defense and the Commander in Chief gave speeches to all of our nation’s generals, who they had ordered to assemble in Washington. It is bad enough, I imagine, for all of these accomplished career officers to be subjected to the performative tirade of Pete Hegseth, a childish television host, installed as their superior, ranting about the need to be more macho, fairly dripping with overcompensation for his various inadequacies. Yet if Hegseth’s speech was unnecessary, bigoted, and cartoonish, the performance of the Commander in Chief was much more substantively dangerous.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&ei=11/"Leave the Military Now"], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025
* First, because it must have been clear to all of those assembled generals that Donald Trump, who possesses complete and total control of the military and its awesome powers, is, at best, mentally unwell. His speech, characteristically, was an incoherent stream-of-consciousness rant consisting mostly of narcissism and fiction and personal grievances. The mind of the man who has the ability to tell all of these officers what to do is broken and impervious to facts and reason. This is the man who can tell you when and how and who to kill.<br>“They’re brave in our inner cities, which we’re going to be talking about because it’s a big part of war now, it’s a big part of war,” Trump said, speaking about firemen. “But the firemen go up on ladders and you have people shooting at them while they’re up on ladders. I don’t even know if anybody heard that. And actually don’t talk about it much, but I think you have to. Our firemen are incredible. They’re up on one of these ladders that goes way up to the sky rescuing people, and you have animals shooting at them — shooting bullets at firemen that are way up in death territory.” This is your boss.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&ei=11/"Leave the Military Now"], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025
* Worse, the president made his intentions for the military clear. “You know, the Democrats run most of the cities that are in bad shape. We have many cities in great shape too, by the way. I want you to know that. But it seems that the ones that are run by the radical left Democrats, what they’ve done to San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles, they’re very unsafe places and we’re going to straighten them out one by one,” he said. “And this is going to be a major part for some of the people in this room. That’s a war too. It’s a war from within.”<br>“We should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military National Guard, but military,” he said, repeating bizarre, made-up stories about Chicago, Portland, and Seattle as war zones.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&ei=11/"Leave the Military Now"], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025
* I am not going to try to convince generals in the United States armed forces to embrace my own personal moral beliefs. Rather, I would urge them all to consider their own moral beliefs. Honor and courage are often touted as the highest military values. What do those values demand of these generals at this moment in history? To salute their deranged superiors, and then, in private, to mutter under their breath about how incompetent and awful those commanders are? Is it honorable for these hundreds of generals to go forward doing their very best to carry out the will of a president who vows openly to use the military to suppress his domestic political enemies, and who has in fact already done that in major cities? Is it courageous of these officer to—for the sake of their own careers—continue to robotically serve a man who is obviously making decisions based upon things that are not true, and who is obsessed with revenge above all, and who is quite straightforward about his intentions to use the military to forcefully oppress Americans? Is that what honor and courage demand of the highest ranking officers in our military? Nothing at all?<br>It is common for people in the military to point out that they took an oath to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States,” and to imply that their allegiance to that oath would prevent them from carrying out truly unjust orders. I can’t help but notice that the point at which this moral duty to stop obeying orders kicks in appears to recede forever into the future. We, the citizens, are assured that there exists some ill-defined moment at which the personal moral code of military soldiers and officers will kick in and stop an out-of-control Commander in Chief from using the military for purposes of tyranny.<br>Well? The tyrant is here. Talk is cheap. This theoretical guardrail of our democracy would be much more comforting if it were ever possible to see it produce some tangible action.
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&ei=11/"Leave the Military Now"], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025
* It is not too late to change America’s future. We sit, right now, in a moment of possibility. The president has made his intention to use the military against American citizens abundantly clear, but the worst versions of this oppression are still to come. He has told us what is coming, but all of it has not happened yet. That means that there will never be a better moment for people of honor and courage to leave the military. There will never be a better moment for the generals to demonstrate that their moral values are not just empty words. There will never be a better time to actually weaken the power of an aspiring dictator by refusing to be a part of his army. There will never be a better chance to exempt yourself from the stain of participating in a great, historic injustice against America’s ideals. '''Everyone can see who is in charge. Everyone can see what the plan is. Nobody can say that they didn’t see what was coming. Nobody can say that they went into this blind.''' For the members of the military—and, above all, for the officers at its highest level—the time to be courageous, or not, has arrived.<br>Like any large organization, the military is full of all types of people who got into it for all types of reasons. Despite my own objections to the things that politicians make the military do, I do believe that the military itself is full of people who sincerely value patriotism, sacrifice, and public service. And there can be no doubt that the military is full of people who have demonstrated great personal bravery, perseverance, and willingness to overcome daunting obstacles in order to do a job that they believe is honorable and necessary. '''In 2025, all of these admirable qualities demand a very particular action: to leave the military. Before you find yourself doing things that do not comport with the values that you hold. Before you find that you have become the bad guy. If you can run into a gunfight, you can find the bravery to quit. That’s what patriotism means today.'''
** Hamilton Nolan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/leave-the-military-now/ar-AA1NKs8f?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68deb4e64a7c44f1baa45bef2565d099&ei=11/"Leave the Military Now"], ZNetwork, 2 October 2025
* President Donald Trump has condemned the shutdown and laid the blame squarely at the feet of the “Radical Left Democrats”— in the meantime, he appears to be making the most of it. Trump teased on Truth Social that he would be meeting with Director of the Office of Management and Budget Russ Vought to – as he warned Democrats he would do – reevaluate the necessity of various government agencies. “I have a meeting today with Russ Vought, he of PROJECT 2025 Fame, to determine which of the many Democrat Agencies, most of which are a political SCAM, he recommends to be cut, and whether or not those cuts will be temporary or permanent,” Trump wrote.<br>As a potential shutdown loomed, the administration cautioned Democrats that if they didn’t sign on to Republicans’ short stopgap funding bill and prevent a shutdown, more federal employees would lose their jobs. The OMB sent a letter to federal agencies last week directing them to take a critical look at where they might be able to shed more employees.<br>“With respect to those Federal programs whose funding would lapse and which are otherwise unfunded, such programs are no longer statutorily required to be carried out,” the letter reads. “Agencies are directed to use this opportunity to consider Reduction in Force (RIF) notices for all employees in programs, projects, or activities (PPAs) that satisfy all three of the following conditions: (1) discretionary funding lapses on October 1, 2025; (2) another source of funding, such as H.R. 1 (Public Law 119-21) is not currently available; and (3) the PPA is not consistent with the President’s priorities.”
** Morgan Sweeney, [https://justthenews.com/nation/states/center-square/trimming-fat-trump-boasts-shuttering-government-agencies-amidst/"Trimming the fat: Trump boasts of shuttering government agencies amidst shutdown"], ''Just The News'', 2 October 2025
* The ''New York Times'' reported in August that the federal workforce may have about 300,000 less people by year’s end. Most of the terminations or resignations were reportedly prompted by the Department of Government Efficiency, which was created by an executive order at the start of Trump’s second term.<br>It’s unclear which “Democrat Agencies” are on the chopping block Tuesday – and whether entire agencies will be eradicated or they’ll merely lose more employees. The administration has previously described the Congressional Budget Office and the Bureau of Labor Statistics as unreliable, “Democrat-controlled,” politically motivated and riddled with “longstanding failures,” to name a few.
** Morgan Sweeney, [https://justthenews.com/nation/states/center-square/trimming-fat-trump-boasts-shuttering-government-agencies-amidst/"Trimming the fat: Trump boasts of shuttering government agencies amidst shutdown"], ''Just The News'', 2 October 2025
* The “Project 2025,” which Trump referenced in his social media post, is a strategy for the restructuring of the federal government, crafted by conservatives and published by the Heritage Foundation. The goals of the project, as summarized by the BBC, are to “restore the family as the centrepiece of American life; dismantle the administrative state; defend the nation's sovereignty and borders; and secure God-given individual rights to live freely.”<br>Vought was a project co-author, and the president has framed the shutdown as an opportunity to further carry out this initiative.<br>“I can’t believe the Radical Left Democrats gave me this unprecedented opportunity. They are not stupid people, so maybe this is their way of wanting to, quietly and quickly, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! President DJT," his post concluded.
* '''As United States President Donald Trump relentlessly threatens to annex Canada, reiterating the threat again this week in a speech to American military officials, some Canadians are worried that a U.S. invasion could one day become a reality. How would that scenario play out? Looking at the sheer size of the American military, many people might believe that Trump would enjoy an easy victory.'''<br>'''That analysis is wrong.''' If Trump ever decides to use military force to annex Canada, the result would not be determined by a conventional military confrontation between the Canadian and American armies. Rather, a military invasion of Canada would trigger a decades-long violent resistance, which would ultimately destroy the United States.<br>But in this nightmare scenario, could Canadians successfully resist an American invasion? Absolutely. I know this because I have studied insurgencies around the world for more than two decades, and I have spent time with ordinary people who have fought against powerful invading armies.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&ei=18/"Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States"], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025
* Guerrillas use ambushes, raids and surprise attacks to slowly bleed an invading army, and local communities support these fighters by giving them safe havens and material support. These supporting citizens can also engage in forms of “everyday resistance,” using millions of passive-aggressive episodes of sabotage to frustrate and drain the enemy. Trump is delusional if he believes that 40 million Canadians will passively accept conquest without resistance. There is no political party or leader willing to relinquish Canadian sovereignty over “economic coercion,” and so if the U.S. wanted to annex Canada, it would have to invade.<br>That decision would set in motion an unstoppable cycle of violence. Even if we imagine a scenario in which the Canadian government unconditionally surrenders, a fight would ensue on the streets. A teenager might throw a rock at invading soldiers. That kid would get shot, and then there would be more rocks, and more gunfire. An insurgency would be inevitable.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&ei=18/"Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States"], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025
* This idea may shock Canadians today because they see themselves as friendly and affable people. However, Canada’s current self-image of “niceness” only exists because they’re at peace. War changes people very quickly, and Canadians are no more innately peaceful than any other human beings. When your child is dying in your arms, you become capable of violence. Once you lose what you love, resistance becomes as natural as breathing. Except for a few collaborators and kapos, my research suggests many Canadians would likely engage in various forms of everyday resistance against invading forces that could involve stealing, lying, cutting wires and diverting funds.<br>Meanwhile, the insurgents would unleash physical devastation on American targets. Even if one per cent of all resisting Canadians engaged in armed insurrection, that would constitute a 400,000-person insurgency, nearly 10 times the size of the Taliban at the start of the Afghan war. If a fraction of that number engaged in violent attacks, it would set fire to the entire continent.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&ei=18/"Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States"], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025
* This scenario would guarantee the destruction of both Canada and the United States. No one in their right mind would choose this gruesome future over a peaceful and mutually beneficial alliance with a friendly neighbour. Nevertheless, if Trump is reckless enough to think the violent annexation of Canada is an achievable goal, then let it be known that all these horrifying outcomes were predictable well in advance, and that he was forewarned.
** Aisha Ahmad, Associate Professor of Political Science, University of Toronto, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/why-annexing-canada-would-destroy-the-united-states-opinion/ar-AA1NQUAk?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e15ddcc73a4c3c9a13e3e91b8a16e7&ei=18/"Why annexing Canada would destroy the United States"], ''Alternet'', 4 October 2025
* Several people recently asked me who I think is next after Comey and what will happen to him during his prosecution. I don’t know. But the fact that we even have to ask the question embodies just how fast American democracy is collapsing. Comey’s indictment — and likely conviction — will surely be followed by others. Many others. Trump will demand it, and many Americans will want it too.<br>The Justice Department has already launched investigations against former National Security Adviser John Bolton, Democratic Sen. Adam Schiff of California and Democratic New York Attorney General Letitia James. Other names that have been mentioned as potential targets include Fani Willis, the district attorney of Fulton County, Georgia, who brought charges against Trump in a 2023 election interference case, and former FBI Director Christopher Wray. These names show that the unthinkable has become routine. Malignant normality is now the new normal.
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&ei=13/"A new Red Scare? This could be much worse"], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025
* Since Trump was first elected in 2016, America’s responsible political and media class have constructed a model of American politics and society that increasingly does not exist. The long-cherished ideals of institutions, American exceptionalism and the character of the American people have been thrown out the window. In many ways, those fantasies never matched reality in the first place — and now the gap is undeniable. For many, this truth is too frightening to face.<br>As America’s democracy rapidly collapses, there are public voices in the news media and political class who are warning about the evils of a new Red Scare. In reality, what the Trump administration and its forces are unleashing will likely be much worse.
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&ei=13/"A new Red Scare? This could be much worse"], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025
* In an interview, Adam Hochschild, the prominent historian and award-winning author of books including “American Midnight: The Great War, A Violent Peace, and Democracy’s Forgotten Crisis,” was clear-eyed about what America is facing: “This is profoundly frightening because it’s right out of the playbook of the way democracies are converted to dictatorships.” He compared our present moment to what was happening a century ago in the aftermath of World War I and the Russian Revolution. The country, he said in an email interview, was “inflamed by military fervor…and then by paranoia,” which caused “severe damage to democracy.”<br>“The government shut down some 75 newspapers and magazines, and imprisoned hundreds of people — most notably Socialist leader Eugene V. Debs — solely for things they wrote or said,” Hochschild said. “Donald Trump would greatly like to do the same, as his attacks on critical media and prosecutions of people like James Comey show. But he is going one step further than this country went during the madness of the Red Scare of 1917-1921 by trying to seize control of electoral machinery. That, to me, is the most frightening thing about an already dangerous presidency.”<br>Commentators get hung up, he explained, on comparing Trump to Republican Sen. Joseph McCarthy of Wisconsin, who saw “subversives everywhere.” While noting similarities, Hochschild argued the better parallel is Democratic President Woodrow Wilson who, in his second term, “did all kinds of things Trump would like to do, such as throwing his critics in jail under the Espionage Act by the hundreds, and shutting down media that criticized him.”<br>But that wasn’t all. Under the 28th president, the Justice Department created the American Protective League, which Hochschild described as “a national vigilante force [that] scoured cities for suspected draft-dodgers.”<br>“We pay far too little attention to that ominous period of American life,” he said, “always preferring to look on the bright side rather than the dark side.”
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&ei=13/"A new Red Scare? This could be much worse"], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025
* Trumpism is the embodiment of Shakespeare’s observation that what’s past is prologue. It’s now our present and future. But this is not a call to despair, or to embrace the comfort of learned helplessness or to take poison of hopium. It is the opposite. Unearned hope leads to despair. The way forward is to first accept the dire reality and then to engage in peaceful collective action that seizes the moral high ground, and never surrenders or compromises.The Black Freedom Struggle and long civil rights movements offer one such example. To paraphrase Hemingway: “A man alone ain’t got no bloody damn chance.”
** Chauncey DeVega, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/a-new-red-scare-this-could-be-much-worse/ar-AA1NT7bS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e2b63903484da6a92bd0303bf45f34&ei=13/"A new Red Scare? This could be much worse"], ''Salon'', 5 October 2025
* To capture a democratic nation, authoritarians must control three sources of power: the intelligence agencies, the justice system, and the military. President Donald Trump and his circle of would-be autocrats have made rapid progress toward seizing these institutions and detaching them from the Constitution and rule of law. The intelligence community has effectively been muzzled, and the nation’s top lawyers and cops are being purged and replaced with loyalist hacks.<br>Only the military remains outside Trump’s grip. Despite the firing of several top officers—and Trump’s threat to fire more—the U.S. armed forces are still led by generals and admirals whose oath is to the Constitution, not the commander in chief. But for how long?<br>Trump and his valet at the Defense Department, Secretary of Physical Training Pete Hegseth, are now making a dedicated run at turning the men and women of the armed forces into Trump’s personal and partisan army. In his first term, Trump regularly violated the sacred American tradition of the military’s political neutrality, but people around him—including retired and active-duty generals such as James Mattis, John Kelly, and Mark Milley—restrained some of his worst impulses. Now no one is left to stop him: The president learned from his first-term struggles and this time has surrounded himself with a Cabinet of sycophants and ideologues rather than advisers, especially those at the Pentagon. He has declared war on Chicago; called Portland, Oregon, a “war zone”; and referred to his political opponents as “the enemy from within.” Trump clearly wants to use military power to exert more control over the American people, and soon, top U.S.-military commanders may have to decide whether they will refuse such orders from the commander in chief. The greatest crisis of American civil-military relations in modern history is now under way.
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&ei=9/"The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here"], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025
* I write these words with great trepidation. When I was a professor at the Naval War College, I gave lectures to American military officers about the sturdiness of civil-military relations in the United States, a remarkable historical achievement that has allowed the most powerful military in the world to serve democracy without being a threat to it. I so revered this system that I went to Moscow just before the fall of the U.S.S.R. and told an audience of Soviet military officers that they should look to the American military as a model for how to disentangle themselves from the Communist Party and Kremlin politics. I regularly reminded both my military students and civilian audiences that they had good reason to have faith in American institutions and the constitutional loyalty of U.S. civilian and military leaders.<br>This new and dangerous moment has arrived for many reasons, including Trump’s antics in front of young soldiers and sailors, through which he has succeeded in pulling many of them into displays of partisan behavior that are both an insult to American civil-military traditions and a violation of military regulations. Senior military leaders should have stepped in to prevent Trump from turning addresses at Fort Bragg and Naval Station Norfolk into political rallies; the silence of the Army and Navy secretaries, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and some top generals and admirals is appalling. To their credit, those same officers listened impassively as Trump and Hegseth subjected them to political rants during a meeting at Quantico last week. But young enlisted people and their immediate superiors take their cues from the top, and one day of decorum from the high command cannot reverse Trump’s influence on the rank and file.
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&ei=9/"The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here"], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025
* Trump’s rhetoric in his speeches to the military has been awful—he has ridiculed former commanders in chief, castigated sitting elected officials, and told the members of America’s armed forces that other Americans are their enemies. But his actions are worse. In deploying troops to American cities, he has set up a confrontation in which military commanders may soon have to choose between obeying the president and obeying the law. “This is a nation of Constitutional law, not martial law,” Judge Karin Immergut—a conservative Trump appointee—wrote last week when she blocked Trump’s attempt to send troops to Portland. The White House aide [[Stephen Miller]] likely foreshadowed Trump’s next moves, including possibly ignoring such rulings, when he lashed out at Immergut’s decision. Miller, a man who hates being called a fascist, made the fascistic accusation that a “large and growing movement of leftwing terrorism in this country” is being “shielded by far-left Democrat judges, prosecutors and attorneys general.”
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&ei=9/"The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here"], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025
* Trump, of course, doesn’t care all that much about Venezuelan speedboats or costumed pranksters in Portland. He cares about power, which is why he is determined to flex military muscle on the streets of American cities. As opposition grows and his popularity falls, Trump may be tempted to issue orders to the military that will be aimed at suppressing dissent, or disrupting elections, or detaining political figures; he has already floated the idea of invoking the Insurrection Act, which could enable such actions. He may even become desperate enough to launch a foreign war—as he seems to be trying to do right now with Venezuela. If more of these orders come, how should the leaders of America’s armed forces respond?
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&ei=9/"The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here"], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025
* Congress, so far, has been useless in restraining Trump: The Democrats are too timid, and the Republicans are too compromised. Only by standing together can the senior military officials warn Trump away from leading America into a full-blown civil-military confrontation.<br>Military officers are human beings, not Vulcans or robots. Even the most virtuous young officer may tremble at the idea of refusing a direct order—especially one from the president of the United States. Others may be tempted to abandon their oath, either by ideology or a misplaced sense of obedience, and they should recall Hyten’s warning from 2017: “If you execute an unlawful order, you will go to jail. You could go to jail for the rest of your life.” Most American military personnel, however, need no reminder of their constitutional duty. But they do need some reassurance that they have support from their chain of command to resist illegal orders. And the rest of us, whether we’re elected officials or ordinary citizens, should do everything we can to let our fellow Americans in uniform know that if they risk their careers and even their freedom to protect the Constitution, we will stand with them.
** Tom Nichols, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/the-civil-military-crisis-is-here/ar-AA1O32Cq?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68e63a4e95384da9b65b7c8e076ea0ca&ei=9/"The Civil-Military Crisis Is Here"], ''The Atlantic'', 7 October 2025
* A governmentwide reduction in force during the federal shutdown will touch an already lean U.S. Department of Education, the Trump administration said Friday, with the department’s office of elementary and secondary education potentially facing some of the most significant cuts. An Education Department spokesperson Friday confirmed the agency will be subject to the RIF but did not immediately answer how many positions would be part of the downsizing and in which department divisions. A spokesperson from the Office of Management and Budget—whose director, Russell Vought, announced the layoffs in a Friday post on X—called the government-wide reduction “substantial.”<br>The Education Department’s office of communication and outreach will see cuts to its state and local engagement team under the layoff, according to the union that represents department staff. Meanwhile, the office of elementary and secondary education, which oversees key programs such as Title I and enforcement of the Every Student Succeeds Act, will see cuts to all of its teams, the union said.<br>Others could still be affected, the union, a chapter of the American Federation of Government Employees, said.<br>“Once again, the Trump administration is acting as though they have impunity to cut staff from an already lean, efficient agency,” union president Rachel Gittleman said in a prepared statement. “Dismantling the government through mass firings, especially at the ED, is not the solution to our problems as a country.”<br>The layoffs were announced on the 10th day of the federal government shutdown, during which the Education Department had already furloughed roughly 87% of its staff after congressional lawmakers couldn’t come to an agreement to extend funding beyond the end of the fiscal year on Sept. 30.
** Brooke Schultz, [https://www.edweek.org/policy-politics/a-new-wave-of-federal-layoffs-will-hit-the-education-department/2025/10/"A New Wave of Federal Layoffs Will Hit the Education Department"], ''Education Week'', 10 October 2025
* A furlough is different from a layoff in that it’s temporary. Generally, federal employees have to be given 60 days’ notice before a layoff can take effect. The cuts will slash an Education Department that has grown substantially leaner since the start of the second Trump administration. The agency has shed nearly half its staff since the winter. Its footprint shrank from more than 4,000 staff to about 2,400 after the department announced layoffs in March.<br>The earlier layoffs touched just about every office within the department—though they cut more deeply in some places than others, such as the office for civil rights, which lost just under half its 562 positions and seven of its 12 regional offices. The office of elementary and secondary education, which employed 282 staff members in 2023, lost at least 49 positions in the March cuts.<br>(Meanwhile, the office’s new leader, Kirsten Baesler, was just confirmed by the U.S. Senate on Tuesday but can’t be sworn in until the shutdown ends.)
** Brooke Schultz, [https://www.edweek.org/policy-politics/a-new-wave-of-federal-layoffs-will-hit-the-education-department/2025/10/"A New Wave of Federal Layoffs Will Hit the Education Department"], ''Education Week'', 10 October 2025
* The earlier layoffs are being challenged in court by states and education leaders who say the department can’t carry out its congressionally mandated functions with fewer staff. Court orders delayed the layoffs, but higher courts have since allowed them to take effect.<br>The Education Department is among at least nine federal agencies subject to the shutdown RIF, according to Politico. The American Federation of Government Employees sued OMB last month for telling agencies to prepare RIF plans ahead of the shutdown. Normally, agencies prepare only to furlough staff during a shutdown and bring them back when the government reopens.<br>“It is disgraceful that the Trump administration has used the government shutdown as an excuse to illegally fire thousands of workers who provide critical services to communities across the country,” the union’s president, Everett Kelley, said in a prepared statement on Friday. “It’s time for Congress to do their jobs and negotiate an end to this shutdown immediately.”
** Brooke Schultz, [https://www.edweek.org/policy-politics/a-new-wave-of-federal-layoffs-will-hit-the-education-department/2025/10/"A New Wave of Federal Layoffs Will Hit the Education Department"], ''Education Week'', 10 October 2025
* Trump created his MAGA coalition based on fear of “the other,” which has historically been a potent political move (think Richard Nixon’s perfection of the Southern strategy and Ronald Reagan’s aggressive race-baiting with his fictional Chicago welfare queen, among many other dog whistles).<br>After America elected and then re-elected Barack Obama, not only a Black man but a constitutional scholar and an intellectual, to the presidency, the Republicans in Congress completely lost their minds and pledged to make him fail as president. They began to do all they could to shut down government and to excoriate Democrats, using the list of pejorative terms former House Speaker Newt Gingrich cribbed from conservative shock-jock Rush Limbaugh. The hard turn in Congress away from collegiality and compromise had begun.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&ei=15/"Who are the real Americans? We are"], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025
* We could argue the many, many inhumane points of Trumpist decrees if we were actually interested in discussing policy or, say, the mainline Christianity I once knew as a Presbyterian. But the Republican Party stopped working on policy — and started perverting Christianity — many election cycles back. Why? Largely because the GOP ran out of ideas that would fly with the American public (“Trickle-down” economics? C’mon, man!), and was assiduously courting the evangelical and Catholic religious right as a voting bloc. Meanwhile, “welcome-the-stranger” and “eye-of-the-needle” messages of Jesus had become entirely inconvenient for elite Republicans. With Trump, the Southern strategy morphed into something quite like a “Bring back the Jim Crow laws that inspired the Nazis” strategy.<br>To divert attention from their desire to give further assistance to the wealthy and corporations through tax breaks, they focused their energies on “othering” different groups: People of color, immigrants, Democrats, women and LGBTQ folks.<br>Of course, if you are part of the MAGA cult of personality, you don’t want to hear any of this. But we — progressives, liberals, Democrats, moderate Republicans (those horrible “RINOs”), people of faith and of no faith — are, frankly (to use a word Republicans love to utilize), the reasonable ones. There’s no question about it. To mimic Trump, everybody knows it. You do, too.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&ei=15/"Who are the real Americans? We are"], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025
* Government works pretty well all over the world, so long as well-meaning people with strong, relevant experience are put in leadership positions. Look at this deplorable Trump “administration,” filled to the brim with suck-ups, grifters, unhinged ideologues and conspiracy-theory kooks — each one, including the one playacting at the Resolute desk, astonishingly unqualified. The word for that kind of group being in charge is kakistocracy, which is an unhappy-sounding term that describes a devastatingly unhappy situation: government by the worst people. It sounds like something you might utter right before vomiting.<br>A white supremacist theocracy, installing this Trumpian reign of the corrupt, mean-spirited, and woefully incompetent? We are just as disappointed and angry as you are about predatory capitalism, which leaves many Americans homeless and many more without access to health care. And we are just as angry about the failures of our democracy, which, as Robert Reich recently pointed out, are almost entirely due to lobbying money in politics. Much of our political class takes legal bribes and serves the interests of those with the most money.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&ei=15/"Who are the real Americans? We are"], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025
* But we aren’t living in the wrong country. Our America is multicultural and all of us benefit, socially and economically — yes, even you — from that fact. Our America supports freedom of religious belief, including the freedom to hold none at all, because we do not have a national religion. Our America strives to make it easier for all citizens to exercise their right to vote. Our America believes in facts and the process of scientific discovery. Our America does not whitewash its history but learns from it.<br>Our America recoils from people who push their religious beliefs on others, or who denigrate women and other citizens who happen to be unlike them. Our America welcomes the strangers who come to this country with a desire to better their lives through hard work and community service. Our America supports public education and wants to make it stronger, not undermine it. Our America believes that a country should be judged by how it treats its least fortunate citizens. Our America is not ruled by a petty, vindictive despot wannabe with an outrageous history of criminal and socially abhorrent behavior who imagines he is king.<br>No, despite what the astonishingly corrupt, would-be Roman emperor occupying the White House tells you, we are not the enemy: we are Americans. We have tried to be true to the best, most idealistic of American values. In the meantime — and these truly are mean times, both in material and spiritual terms — we will serve the public good by standing up for the Constitution, the rule of law and the nonpartisan civil service, and we will argue for our own ideas on how we might make a better union.
** Kirk Swearingen, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/who-are-the-real-americans-we-are/ar-AA1Oh5s7?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=68ea6d343f7c426b9fac059d9fde67be&ei=15/"Who are the real Americans? We are"], ''Salon'', 11 October 2025
==== November 2025 ====
* The only hope to save ourselves from Trump’s authoritarianism is mass movements. We must build alternative centers of power — including political parties, media, [[Labor history of the United States|labor unions]] and universities — to give a voice and agency to those who have been disempowered by our two ruling parties, especially the [[Working class in the United States|working class]] and working [[Poverty in the United States|poor]]. We must carry out strikes to cripple and thwart the abuses carried out by the emerging [[police state]]. We must champion a radical [[socialism]], which includes slashing the $1 trillion spent on the war industry and ending our suicidal addiction to fossil fuels, and lift up the lives of Americans cast aside in the wreckage of industrialization, declining wages, a decaying infrastructure and crippling [[austerity]] programs.
**[[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2025/11/04/chris-hedges-trumps-greatest-ally-is-the-democratic-party/ Trump’s Greatest Ally is The Democratic Party]. ScheerPost, November 4, 2025.
* '''El Presidente Trump is cast in the mold of all tinpot Latin American despots who terrorize their populations, surround themselves with sycophants, goons and crooks, and enrich themselves — Trump and his family have amassed more than $1.8 billion in cash and gifts from leveraging the presidency — while erecting tawdry monuments to themselves.'''
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2025/11/11/chris-hedges-america-is-a-banana-republic/ America Is a Banana Republic]. ScheerPost, November 11, 2025.
==== December 2025 ====
[[File:Seal of the United States Environmental Protection Agency.svg|thumb|The Environmental Protection Agency has removed any mention of fossil fuels — the main driver of global warming — from its popular online page explaining the causes of climate change. Now it only mentions natural phenomena, even though scientists calculate that nearly all of the warming is due to human activity.<br>Sometime in the past few days or weeks, EPA altered some but not all of its climate change webpages, de-emphasizing and even deleting references to the burning of coal, oil and natural gas, which scientists say is the overwhelming cause of climate change. ~ Seth Borenstein]]
[[File:Transgender flag with prohibition sign.jpg|thumb|Trump administration health officials announced Thursday that the federal government will block transgender care to children by targeting hospitals and doctors that provide it. New proposed rules would prohibit hospitals from participating in Medicare and Medicaid if they provide care such as puberty blockers and surgeries for transgender minors, and would prevent federal coverage of such treatments. ~ Jamie Gumbrecht & Sarah Owermohle]]
* The combination of Trump’s xenophobic rhetoric and policy has created a poisonous national environment, one not easily fixed. The problem is that, as hateful and awful as his actions are, he campaigned on carrying them out. He ran in large part on bigotry and won. During Trump’s debate with Democratic candidate Kamala Harris, he said of Haitian immigrants in Ohio, “They’re eating the dogs, the people that came in, they’re eating the cats. They’re eating the pets of the people that live there.” We knew about the lie-fueled fear he was trying to spread. In addition, Trump directly stated that he planned to carry out the largest deportation program in U.S. history. We knew what his intentions were, but we still weren’t paying enough attention. Perhaps no one fully expected the lengths Trump would go to, but either way America is facing the consequences. After the 2024 election, I wrote in an edition of this column that “America has chosen hate.” At our present moment, I deeply wish I had been wrong.<br>As our government spreads hate through racism and xenophobia, we must pay more attention. As you go through your day, thinking of so many other different things, pay attention to the dehumanization of immigrants. Pay attention to the families being ripped apart by sudden arrests and deportations. Pay attention to every new policy that makes it harder for hardworking people to migrate and make a living in the America we once proudly celebrated as diverse. Pay attention, because history has many examples for those who fall into the trap of repeating its bitter bigotry.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2025/12/04/patricks-politics-pay-attention-to-trumps-anti-immigrant-hatred/"Pay attention to Trump’s anti-immigrant hatred"], ''The Daily Campus'', 4 December 2025
* The days of the United States propping up the entire world order like [[w:Atlas (mythology)|Atlas]] are over.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/05/europe/trump-national-security-plan-europe-latam-intl Trump lays bare his contempt for Europe in blistering new national security plan], CNN (Dec 5, 2025)
* '''The Environmental Protection Agency has removed any mention of fossil fuels — the main driver of global warming — from its popular online page explaining the causes of climate change. Now it only mentions natural phenomena, even though scientists calculate that nearly all of the warming is due to human activity.'''<br>Sometime in the past few days or weeks, EPA altered some but not all of its climate change webpages, de-emphasizing and even deleting references to the burning of coal, oil and natural gas, which scientists say is the overwhelming cause of climate change.''' The website's causes of climate page mentions changes in Earth’s orbit, solar activity, Earth's reflectivity, volcanoes and natural carbon dioxide changes, but not the burning of fossil fuels. Seven scientists and three former EPA officials tell ''The Associated Press'' that this is misleading and harmful.
** Seth Borenstein, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/weather/topstories/epa-eliminates-mention-of-fossil-fuels-in-website-on-warming-s-causes-scientists-call-it-misleading/ar-AA1S26ru?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69395c9f68664a409d3383c70b753dc2&ei=8/"EPA eliminates mention of fossil fuels in website on warming's causes. Scientists call it misleading"], ''Associated Press'', 9 December 2025
* '''Trump administration health officials announced Thursday that the federal government will block transgender care to children by targeting hospitals and doctors that provide it. New proposed rules would prohibit hospitals from participating in Medicare and Medicaid if they provide care such as puberty blockers and surgeries for transgender minors, and would prevent federal coverage of such treatments.'''<br>“These procedures fail to meet professionally recognized standards of care,” US Health and Human Services Secretary [[Robert Francis Kennedy, Jr.|Robert F. Kennedy Jr.]] said, calling many types of transgender care “malpractice.” “Medical professionals or entities providing sex-rejecting procedures to children are out of compliance with these standards of health care.”<br>Medical groups denounced the announcements, saying they intrude on physician-patient relationships and jeopardize care for everyone.<br>“Allowing the government to determine which patient groups deserve care sets a dangerous precedent, and children and families will bear the consequences,” said Dr. Susan Kressly, president of the American Academy of Pediatrics.
** Jamie Gumbrecht & Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&ei=11/"Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals"], CNN, 18 December 2025
* “Patients, their families, and their physicians – not politicians or government officials – should be the ones to make decisions together about what care is best for them. The government’s actions today make that task harder, if not impossible, for families of gender-diverse and transgender youth.”<br>It’s the latest in a string of actions by President Donald Trump’s administration that target transgender people, including eliminating mention of trans people on federal websites, halting data collection on health issues, removing trans people from the military and suing states that allow trans athletes to play on high school sports teams.<br>Also Thursdsay, US Food and Drug Administration Commissioner Dr. Marty Makary said the agency is sending warning letters to 12 makers and sellers of breast binders who marketed or sold the devices for treatment of gender dysphoria in children. National Institutes of Health Director Dr. Jay Bhattacharya also said the research agency will end support for research into gender transition, saying, “it was junk science to begin with.”
** Jamie Gumbrecht & Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&ei=11/"Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals"], CNN, 18 December 2025
* HHS leaders on Thursday cited their own review of evidence and reports from other countries, many of which have faced sharp criticism for drawing sweeping conclusions with little or poor evidence.<br>Health officials said they expect to emphasize psychosocial assessment and support for transgender youth, including “compassionate, developmentally appropriate counseling.” But they acknowledged that there are a limited number of mental health care providers available.<br>Gender identity care, which is sometimes called gender-affirming care, is a multidisciplinary approach to help a person transition from their assigned gender – the one a clinician assigned them at birth, based mostly on anatomic characteristics – to the gender by which they identify. It can include mental health care or age-appropriate medical care such as hormone treatments, puberty blockers, gynecologic and urologic care and reproductive treatments.<br>Major mainstream medical associations – including the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the Endocrine Society, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry – have supported such care and agree that it’s the gold standard of clinically appropriate care that can provide lifesaving treatment for children and adults. Professional medical organizations do not recommend surgery for children as a part of care, and research shows that it’s rare among transgender or gender-diverse teens.
** Jamie Gumbrecht & Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&ei=11/"Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals"], CNN, 18 December 2025
* The American Civil Liberties Union said Thursday that it will challenge the administration’s rules in court. “These gratuitous proposals are cruel and unconstitutional attacks on the rights of transgender youth and their families,” Chase Strangio, co-director of the ACLU’s LGBTQ and HIV Rights Project, said in a statement. Kennedy said Thursday that the administration is confident it’s approach will pass court challenges. “If people sue us, they’re welcome to,” he said.<br>The HHS announcement came just after the House passed a bill that could imprison health care providers for providing trans care for minors. The bill, sponsored by Republican Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia, could imprison doctors who provide care such as surgeries or puberty blockers for up to 10 years. It’s unclear whether the GOP-led Senate will take up the measure, though it is unlikely it would get enough Democratic support to pass out of that chamber.
** Jamie Gumbrecht & Sarah Owermohle, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/trump-moves-to-ban-transgender-care-for-minors-by-targeting-hospitals/ar-AA1SCfuh?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6944676570c24510a02669dd7ef64394&ei=11/"Trump moves to ban transgender care for minors by targeting hospitals"], CNN, 18 December 2025
* Merry Christmas to all, including the Radical Left Scum that is doing everything possible to destroy our Country, but are failing badly. We no longer have Open Borders, [[Transphobia in the United States|Men in Women’s Sports, Transgender for Everyone]], or Weak Law Enforcement. What we do have is a Record Stock Market and 401K’s, Lowest Crime numbers in decades, No Inflation, and yesterday, a 4.3 GDP, two points better than expected. Tariffs have given us Trillions of Dollars in Growth and Prosperity, and the strongest National Security we have ever had. We are respected again, perhaps like never before. God Bless America!!! President DJT
** Donald Trump in dual posts on Twitter and Truth Social on 25 December 2025[https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/2004012442427277591?s=20]
* The Trump administration has given us precious little to be thankful for this year. As 2025 draws to a close, history will remember it as a year scarred by the chaos of a White House that seemed intent on breaking the back of our democracy once and for all. It’s a psychologically exhausting time for the millions already coping with a sagging job market and rising consumer prices.<br>A year-in-review posted by Mediaite lists dozens upon dozens of Trump’s scandals, crises and abuses while still failing to capture the full scope of incompetence and malice that defines this administration. Millions from all walks of life spent the year grappling with political earthquakes brought on by a nonfunctional and increasingly irrelevant Congress, a Supreme Court complicit in Trump’s radicalization of ICE, and a historic, tariff-driven wave of small business bankruptcies. As Mediaite discovered in its own attempt to catalogue the damage, the aftershocks are simply too numerous to count.<br>On the eve of America’s 250th birthday, what should be a celebration of enduring freedom feels in many ways like a looming funeral. 2025 saw the shredding of America’s social fabric to the point that Democrats and Republicans now seem to inhabit two mutually exclusive realities. ‘One nation under God’ has quickly become many nations under grievance.
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&ei=12/"Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart"], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025
* A Pew Research Center survey published this month shows just how far things have fallen in the opening decades of the 21st century. Back in 2001, 54 percent of Americans reported trusting the federal government, a slight increase from the 47 percent who felt that way in the 1980s. Now, public trust in government is scraping historic lows across every metric: As of 2025, only 17 percent of Americans believe that what their government is telling them is true.<br>That doubt goes far beyond just factually impaired politicians like Trump, too. As PBS News reported in October, fewer and fewer people trust government inflation numbers or jobs reports — thanks in large part to Trump’s constant demands that labor and economic statistics serve his political interests instead of reflecting objective reality. Public officials who were unwilling to fudge their numbers in order to make Trump look good quickly found themselves out of their jobs, as ousted Bureau of Labor statistics commissioner Erika McEntarfer discovered in August.<br>Pew data from September reveals that the collapse of public trust in institutions is widespread. Most Americans now believe the Supreme Court has become too powerful and too unaccountable. Public approval of the nation’s highest court has fallen by nearly 25 percent since 2020, with a majority now viewing the court’s justices unfavorably.
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&ei=12/"Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart"], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025
* Americans’ record level of distrust isn’t confined to the government. A Gallup poll found that trust in the media hit a new low of 28 percent in the back half of the year, with more than one-third of respondents saying they didn’t trust the news “at all.” Voting-age Americans now get their news from a larger number of sources than ever, from social media outlets like TikTok and X to YouTube influencers and, occasionally, even legacy news outlets like the ''New York Times''. Yet poll after poll suggests they are unlikely to trust any news except that which confirms their pre-existing political beliefs, which makes compromise — and even reasoned political discussion — all but impossible.<br>Most Americans don’t even trust their own neighbors or family members anymore. Nearly half of Americans now think members of the opposing political party are “evil.” Political polarization has increased so dramatically that both sides now routinely label their opponents as threats to democracy itself. Things have grown so tense that one in five American households report experiencing family estrangement due to political disagreements. Our families are quite literally collapsing from the weight of our all-consuming political and social hatreds.
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&ei=12/"Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart"], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025
* '''If it feels like things are falling apart in America, it’s because they are. Our institutions, our media, even our families are falling victim to the toxicity of a culture in which politics now consumes every aspect of our lives and finds itself amplified by a president who wields divisiveness like an artist uses a paintbrush.'''<br>'''That will only get worse as our nation careens into what is certain to be a brutal 2026 midterm election campaign. America may still be here, but we mark its 250th birthday anything but united.'''
** Max Burns, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/opinion/opinion-trump-presides-over-america-s-coming-apart/ar-AA1TlLqt?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6955463381fb4a7a9ffdbbc451ded704&ei=12/"Opinion: Trump presides over America’s coming-apart"], ''The Hill'', 31 December 2025
* President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that he’s withdrawing the National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland but left the door open to sending federal forces “in a much different and stronger form.” His announcement comes after the US Supreme Court last week rejected his request to allow him to deploy the guard to Chicago to protect ICE agents as part of the administration’s ongoing immigration crackdown.<br>“We are removing the National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles, and Portland, despite the fact that CRIME has been greatly reduced by having these great Patriots in those cities, and ONLY by that fact,” Trump wrote on Truth Social, arguing that those cities would be “gone if it weren’t for the Federal Government stepping in.” He suggested the possibility of future deployments, writing, “We will come back, perhaps in a much different and stronger form, when crime begins to soar again - Only a question of time!”
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&ei=11/"Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland"], CNN, 31 December 2025
* In blocking the guard deployment to Chicago, the Supreme Court suggested that a president’s power to federalize the guard — which federal law allows when he can no longer execute the laws of the United States with “regular forces” — would not apply to protecting agents enforcing immigration laws.<br>While the ruling was a blow to his administration’s efforts to crack down on illegal immigration, it appeared likely Trump could still invoke the Insurrection Act to deploy regular forces to Chicago and other cities. Invoking the 19th century law — a controversial move that Trump and his aides repeatedly teased during the 2024 campaign and early in the second term — would give him broad authority to evade restrictions on using the military domestically.<br>A separate National Guard deployment that Trump authorized in New Orleans began Tuesday as part of a heavy security presence for New Year’s celebrations a year after an attack on revelers on Bourbon Street killed 14 people. And Trump gave no indication he is pulling back from using the National Guard in Washington, DC, where it is operating under a different federal law that was not at issue before the Supreme Court.
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&ei=11/"Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland"], CNN, 31 December 2025
* Trump’s withdrawal announcement was welcomed by California Attorney General Rob Bonta, a Democrat, who said in a statement the administration was using the guard as “political pawns” and blasted Trump as “a President desperate to be a king.”<br>“While our rule of law remains under threat, our democratic institutions are holding,” Bonta wrote. “My office is not backing down — and we’re ready for whatever fights lie ahead.”
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&ei=11/"Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland"], CNN, 31 December 2025
* A federal judge had previously ordered the return of control of the California National Guard to Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom, but that ruling had been paused while the administration appealed. The Trump administration said in court papers on Tuesday that it was no longer requesting a pause on that portion of the order. On Wednesday, the US Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit upheld the lower court order and directed the Trump administration to return control of the troops to Newsom.<br>“About time @realDonaldTrump admitted defeat,” Newsom said in a post on X. “We’ve said it from day one: the federal takeover of California’s National Guard is illegal.”<br>Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker, a Democrat, echoed similar sentiments in response to Trump’s announcement.<br>“He lost in court when Illinois stood up against his attempt to militarize American cities with the National Guard,” Pritzker said on social media. “Now Trump is forced to stand down.”
** Donald Judd, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-says-he-s-withdrawing-national-guard-from-chicago-los-angeles-and-portland/ar-AA1TmR7k?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695654fa6e0e464a93c434629581b80f&ei=11/"Trump says he’s withdrawing National Guard from Chicago, Los Angeles and Portland"], CNN, 31 December 2025
=== 2026 ===
==== January 2026 ====
[[File:President Nicolas Maduro on board the USS Iwo Jima (cropped).png|thumb|In a move that stunned the world, the United States bombed Venezuela and abducted President Nicolas Maduro amid condemnation and plaudits. The legality of the strikes, which killed more than 100 people, has been heavily questioned by the United Nations and legal experts. ~ Julio Blanca]]
[[File:Flag of Greenland.svg|thumb|Greenland belongs to its people. It is for Denmark and Greenland, and them only, to decide on matters concerning Denmark and Greenland.]]
[[File:Coat of arms of Greenland.svg|thumb|Sure, technically it belongs to Denmark. But aside from the dozens of Danish soldiers who died alongside U.S. troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, what have the Danes really done for us lately? ~ ''Duffel Blog'']]
[[File:Denmark-Greenland (orthographic projection).svg|thumb| This is not more complicated than the fact that Trump wants a giant island with his name on it. He wouldn’t think twice about putting our troops in danger if it makes him feel big and strong. The US military is not a toy. ~ [[Ruben Gallego]]]]
[[File:ICE Agents in Minneapolis After Shooting.jpg|thumb|The alarm was warranted. Everyone on the scene had witnessed the crossing of a crucial line in Donald Trump’s mass-deportation project: ICE had just killed an American citizen on American soil.<br>The administration has since declared that the agent “is protected by absolute immunity,” whatever that means, a signal of unconditional support for an agency bloated with thousands of new, heavily armed, and minimally trained recruits, deployed around the country to help achieve Trump’s goal of deporting 1 million immigrants a year. Events such as Good’s death set the stage for yet more lethal confrontations, which the administration can be trusted to defend with the same specious pretext. What is now overt, in a way that it hadn’t been Wednesday morning, is that these agents are at war with the public, and have been for some time. ~ Elizabeth Bruenig]]
[[File:Arrest This Murderer, Minneapolis (55028772697).jpg|thumb|Protesters in Minneapolis have since flooded the streets in the thousands, and ICE agents have responded by apprehending some, shoving others to the ground, and spraying chemical irritants in their faces. These incidents have ignited mass demonstrations nationwide, in which protesters have wailed “Shame” and “Murder,” banged drums, screeched from metal whistles, and hoisted signs declaring what is no longer deniable: ICE kills. ~ Elizabeth Bruenig]]
* '''In a move that stunned the world, the United States bombed Venezuela and abducted President Nicolas Maduro amid condemnation and plaudits.'''<br>In a news conference on Saturday at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, US President Donald Trump praised the operation to seize Maduro as one of the “most stunning, effective and powerful displays of American military might and competence in American history”. It was the riskiest and most high-profile military operation sanctioned by Washington since the US Navy’s SEAL team killed al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden in a safe house in Pakistan’s Abbottabad in 2011.<br>News of the 63-year-old Maduro being abducted took over the global news cycle. After months of escalation and threats over Maduro’s alleged involvement in shipping drugs to the US, the Trump administration had increased pressure on Caracas with a military buildup in the Caribbean and a series of deadly missile attacks on alleged drug-running boats. '''The legality of the strikes, which killed more than 100 people, has been heavily questioned by the United Nations and legal experts.''' The US had also offered a $50m reward for information leading to Maduro’s arrest.<br>But while the military was conducting operations in the Caribbean, US intelligence had been gathering information about Maduro. Meanwhile, special forces were covertly rehearsing a plan to forcibly remove him from power.
** Julio Blanca, [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/1/4/how-the-us-attack-on-venezuela-abduction-of-maduro-unfolded/"How the US attack on Venezuela, abduction of Maduro unfolded"], ''Aljazeera'', 4 January 2026
* During his news conference on Saturday, Trump announced that the US would “run” Venezuela until a new leader was chosen. “We’re going to make sure that country is run properly. We’re not doing this in vain,” he said. “This is a very dangerous attack. This is an attack that could have gone very, very badly.” The president did not rule out deploying US troops in the country and said he was “not afraid of boots on the ground if we have to”. Trump also, somewhat surprisingly, ruled out working with opposition figure and Nobel Peace Prize winner Maria Corina Machado, who had dedicated her prize, which he wanted to win himself, to the US president. “She doesn’t have the support within, or the respect within, the country,” he said.<br>The Constitutional Chamber of Venezuela’s Supreme Court ordered Vice President Delcy Rodriguez to serve as acting president following the US’s abduction of Maduro. The court ruled that Rodriguez would assume “the office of President of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela, in order to guarantee administrative continuity and the comprehensive defence of the Nation”. The court also said it would work to “determine the applicable legal framework to guarantee the continuity of the State, the administration of government, and the defense of sovereignty in the face of the forced absence of the President of the Republic”.<br>Trump had said earlier on Saturday that the US would not occupy Venezuela, provided Rodriguez “does what we want”.
** Julio Blanca, [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/1/4/how-the-us-attack-on-venezuela-abduction-of-maduro-unfolded/"How the US attack on Venezuela, abduction of Maduro unfolded"], ''Aljazeera'', 4 January 2026
* Donald Trump has again proposed annexing Greenland, after Denmark's leader urged him to "stop the threats" over the island. Speaking to reporters, the US president said "we need Greenland from the standpoint of national security". Trump has repeatedly raised the prospect of the semi-autonomous Danish territory becoming an annexed part of the US, citing its strategic location for defence purposes and mineral wealth. Greenland's Prime Minister Jens Frederik Nielsen responded by saying "that's enough now" and described the notion of US control over the island as a "fantasy". He said: "No more pressure. No more insinuations. No more fantasies of annexation. We are open to dialogue. We are open to discussions. But this must happen through the proper channels and with respect for international law."<br>Earlier, Denmark's Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen had said "the US has no right to annex any of the three nations in the Danish kingdom". Frederiksen added that Denmark "and thus Greenland" was a Nato member and covered by the alliance's security guarantee, and said a defence agreement granting the US access to the island was already in place.
** Thomas Mackintosh & Nick Beake, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g0zg974v1o/"'We need Greenland': Trump repeats threat to annex Danish territory"], BBC, 5 January 2026
* '''We live in a world in which you can talk all you want about international niceties and everything else, but we live in a world, in the real world, Jake, that is governed by strength, that is governed by force, that is governed by power.''' These are the iron laws of the world that have existed since the beginning of time. The United States … we are in charge because we have the United States military stationed outside the country. We set the terms and conditions. We have a complete embargo on all of their oil and their ability to do commerce.
** [[Stephen Miller]] regarding [[w:2026 United States strikes in Venezuela|US strikes in Venezuela]] & Donald Trump's repeated threats to invade Greenland, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cg/date/2026-01-05/segment/01 Interview on ''The Lead with Jake Tapper'' (5 January 2026)], 5 January 2026
* '''[[Donald Trump|The President]] has been clear for months now that the [[United States]] should be the [[nation]] that has [[Greenland]] as part of our overall security apparatus … that has been the formal position of the U.S. [[government]] [[w:Foreign policy of the second Trump administration|since the beginning of this administration]], frankly, going back into the [[w:Foreign policy of the first Trump administration|previous Trump administration]], that [[w:American expansionism under Donald Trump|Greenland should be part of the United States]].''' <br /> '''The President has been very clear about that. That is the formal position of the U.S. government.'''
** [[Stephen Miller]] regarding [[w:2026 United States strikes in Venezuela|US strikes in Venezuela]] & Donald Trump's repeated threats to invade Greenland, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cg/date/2026-01-05/segment/01 Interview on ''The Lead with Jake Tapper'' (5 January 2026)], 5 January 2026
* The Danish prime minister released her statement after Katie Miller - the wife of one of Trump's senior aides, Stephen Miller - posted on social media a map of Greenland in the colours of the American flag alongside the word "SOON".<br>The Danish ambassador to the US responded to the post by Miller - a right-wing podcaster and former aide to Trump during his first term - with a "friendly reminder" that the two countries were allies and saying Denmark expected respect for its territorial integrity.<br>The back and forth over the future Greenland comes in the wake of a major military operation against Venezuela on Saturday, seizing its president Nicolás Maduro and his wife and removing them to New York. Trump later said the US would "run" Venezuela and US oil companies would "start making money for the country".<br>The situation has reignited fears that the US may consider using force to secure control of Greenland, a vast island in the Arctic - something the US president has previously refused to rule out. Trump has claimed that making it part of the United States would serve American security interests due to its strategic location and its abundance of minerals critical to high-tech sectors.
** Thomas Mackintosh & Nick Beake, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g0zg974v1o/"'We need Greenland': Trump repeats threat to annex Danish territory"], BBC, 5 January 2026
* The Trump administration's recent move to appoint a special envoy to Greenland prompted anger in Denmark. Greenland, which has a population of 57,000 people, has had extensive self-government since 1979, though defence and foreign policy remain in Danish hands. While most Greenlanders favour eventual independence from Denmark, opinion polls show overwhelming opposition to becoming part of the US.<br>In comments to the BBC, UK Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer said that only Denmark and Greenland could decide the territory's fate. "Greenland and the Kingdom of Denmark must decide the future of Greenland, and only Greenland and the Kingdom of Denmark," he said.<br>Separately, a representative for the European Union has rejected a claim by Trump that the EU "needs" the US to control the territory. Trump told reporters aboard Air Force One at the weekend that "the EU needs us to have [Greenland] and they know that." European Commission chief spokesperson Paula Pinho told the BBC that it was "certainly not" the EU's position, adding that she was unaware of any discussions with the US about the issue.
** Thomas Mackintosh & Nick Beake, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g0zg974v1o/"'We need Greenland': Trump repeats threat to annex Danish territory"], BBC, 5 January 2026
* Norwegian leaders are making it clear that they continue to strongly support their Danish counterparts’ efforts to defend the Kingdom of Denmark, which has sovereignty over Denmark, Greenland and the Færoe Islands. US Donald Trump’s threats to take over Greenland, they say, would not only be another US violation of the Rule of Law but also a violation of the NATO pact.
** Nina Berglund, [https://www.newsinenglish.no/2026/01/06/norway-stands-firm-with-denmark-warns-us-will-violate-nato-pact/"Norway stands firm with Denmark, warns Trump will violate NATO pact"], ''News In English'', 6 January 2026
* “My starting point is that it won’t happen,” Norwegian Foreign Minister Espen Barth Eide told newspaper Aftenposten after Trump claimed once again that “we need Greenland.” Trump’s latest remarks to reporters came just after he’d ordered a military intervention in Venezuela that Norway called a violation of the Rule of Law. Trump’s remarks also prompted Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen to quickly respond that the “USA has no right to annex one of the three countries in our kingdom.” That further prompted Norway’s own prime minister, Jonas Gahr Støre, to confirm his support for Frederiksen on national radio Monday morning.<br>“We have to speak out about how Greenland is part of the Kingdom of Denmark, and its (future) is up to the Danes and the Greenlanders,” Støre said on state broadcaster NRK’s popular morning talkshow Politisk kvarter. The program had invited both Støre and the head of the opposition in the Norwegian Parliament, Sylvi Listhaug of the right-wing Progress Party, to a New Year’s debate that took a new turn after Trump’s remarks during the night before.<br>Listhaug and Støre are usually at odds on most issues, but in this case, she firmly supported both Støre and Denmark. Listhaug called Trump’s grab for Greenland “completely unacceptable” and stressed that “international rules” must apply.
** Nina Berglund, [https://www.newsinenglish.no/2026/01/06/norway-stands-firm-with-denmark-warns-us-will-violate-nato-pact/"Norway stands firm with Denmark, warns Trump will violate NATO pact"], ''News In English'', 6 January 2026
* The Danes can point to their own right to Greenland through their national sovereignty laws, and that the population of Greenland is nearly twice what Miller claimed: 57,000. Military experts and researchers in Denmark also deny Trump’s claim that Chinese and Russian ships are lurking all around Greenland, calling it an attempt to legitimize his takeover attempt. The Danish Parliament’s foreign affairs committee was calling in members for a crisis meeting Tuesday night.
** Nina Berglund, [https://www.newsinenglish.no/2026/01/06/norway-stands-firm-with-denmark-warns-us-will-violate-nato-pact/"Norway stands firm with Denmark, warns Trump will violate NATO pact"], ''News In English'', 6 January 2026
* Head Start early childhood programs are fighting back against the Trump administration in a lawsuit after being told words like “Black,” “disability,” “female,” “minority,” “trauma,” “tribal,” and “women" must be removed from funding applications — or be denied, NPR reports. The list, submitted Dec. 5, includes 200 words, including “accessible" and "belong" in a lawsuit from programs in states including Pennsylvania, Washington, Wisconsin, and Illinois, all against the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. The group argues that the Trump administration’s diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) ban in federal programs conflicts with Head Start’s statutory mandate, which includes providing “linguistically and culturally appropriate” services, in addition to early intervention services for disabled children.<br>The list revelation came after the executive director of a Wisconsin-based Head Start program submitted a Sept. 30, 2025, application for funding and was rejected after 50 years. Two months later, the director, Mary Roe, said she received two emails from HHS instructing her to “please remove the following words from your application" — a total of 19 words, including "racism,” “race,” and “racial” were listed.<br>Her application was returned, but shortly after, Roe received another email from her appointed HHS program specialist saying, “I wanted to follow up with you concerning your application." "I sent it back asking for the removal of particular words, and I wanted to provide you with the complete list of words to make sure they are not in your applications," the specialist explained.
** Sharelle B. McNair, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/say-what-words-like-black-women-disability-and-tribal-are-now-banned-from-head-start-grant-applications/ar-AA1THu1w?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695e43d499394a849d658617dc70e7a5&ei=14/"Say what? Words like ‘Black,' ‘Women,' ‘Disability,' and ‘Tribal' are now banned from Head Start grant applications"], ''Black Enterprise'', 6 January 2026
* Roe labels the issue an “impossible situation” since the federal Head Start Act contains many of the words that programs are now being forced to avoid. One of Head Start’s longstanding responsibilities is “to create inclusive and accessible classrooms for children with disabilities,” but now HHS is pushing against the words “disability,” “disabilities,” and “inclusion” in funding applications.<br>With the list now out in the public, Head Start centers could be forced to eliminate the definition of DEI, which the former lead of the Office of Child Care, Ruth Friedman, calls fear. "Grantees are sort of self-selecting out of those activities beforehand because of fear and direction they're getting from the Office of Head Start that they can't do these important research-based activities anymore that are important for children's learning and that are actually required by law," Friedman, who served under former President Joe Biden, said, according to Associated Press.<br>The move is another attack on DEI handed down by President Donald Trump who signed a January 2025 executive order labeling “illegal DEI and DEIA policies not only violate the text and spirit of our longstanding Federal civil-rights laws" but "also undermine our national unity, as they deny, discredit, and undermine the traditional American values of hard work, excellence, and individual achievement in favor of an unlawful, corrosive, and pernicious identity-based spoils system.” Since then, the domino effect targeted college campuses, retail, nonprofits, grants, and more.
** Sharelle B. McNair, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/say-what-words-like-black-women-disability-and-tribal-are-now-banned-from-head-start-grant-applications/ar-AA1THu1w?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695e43d499394a849d658617dc70e7a5&ei=14/"Say what? Words like ‘Black,' ‘Women,' ‘Disability,' and ‘Tribal' are now banned from Head Start grant applications"], ''Black Enterprise'', 6 January 2026
* '''This is not more complicated than the fact that Trump wants a giant island with his name on it. He wouldn’t think twice about putting our troops in danger if it makes him feel big and strong. The US military is not a toy.'''
** [[Ruben Gallego]], U.S. Senator from Arizona in a post on Twitter on 6 January 2026, as quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/republican-breaks-with-trump-over-greenland-remarks-not-an-asset/ar-AA1TItt5?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695e0a740c324cb38d7cfeea4c12dbb0&ei=22/"Republican breaks with Trump over Greenland remarks: "Not an asset""] by Anna Commander, ''Newsweek'', 6 January 2026
* We must see it as an ally, not an asset, and focus on continued partnership rather than possession.
** [[Lisa Murkowski]], U.S. Senator from Alaska regarding Donald Trump's repeated threats to invade Greenland, as quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/republican-breaks-with-trump-over-greenland-remarks-not-an-asset/ar-AA1TItt5?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695e0a740c324cb38d7cfeea4c12dbb0&ei=22/"Republican breaks with Trump over Greenland remarks: "Not an asset""] by Anna Commander, ''Newsweek'', 6 January 2026
* Arctic security remains a key priority for Europe and it is critical for international and transatlantic security. NATO has made clear that the Arctic region is a priority and European Allies are stepping up. We and many other Allies have increased our presence, activities and investments, to keep the Arctic safe and to deter adversaries. The Kingdom of Denmark – including Greenland – is part of NATO. Security in the Arctic must therefore be achieved collectively, in conjunction with NATO allies including the United States, by upholding the principles of the UN Charter, including sovereignty, territorial integrity and the inviolability of borders. These are universal principles, and we will not stop defending them.<br>The United States is an essential partner in this endeavour, as a NATO ally and through the defence agreement between the Kingdom of Denmark and the United States of 1951. '''Greenland belongs to its people. It is for Denmark and Greenland, and them only, to decide on matters concerning Denmark and Greenland.'''
** Join statement issued by President [[Emmanuel Macron|Macron]] of France, Chancellor Merz of Germany, Prime Minister Meloni of Italy, Prime Minister Tusk of Poland, Prime Minister Sánchez of Spain, Prime Minister Starmer of the United Kingdom and Prime Minister Frederiksen of Denmark on Greenland, [https://stm.dk/statsministeriet/publikationer/faellesudtalelse-om-groenland/"Joint Statement on Greenland"], 6 January 2026
* Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen on Monday said that a US takeover of Greenland would mean the end of the NATO military alliance. On Tuesday, Frederiksen released a joint statement with the leaders of Germany, France, Italy, Poland, Spain and the UK reiterating that European allies were stepping up "to keep the Arctic safe and to deter adversaries." It comes after US President Donald Trump renewed his calls for the large Arctic island, which is an autonomous territory of Denmark, to come under Washington's control. Frederiksen said that "everything would stop" when it comes to cooperation with Washington in the event of a US attack on another NATO member. "If the United States decides to attack another NATO country, then everything would stop — that includes NATO and therefore post-World War II security," Frederiksen said.<br>Meanwhile, Greenland's prime minister, Jens-Frederik Nielsen, called for the territory to restore "good cooperation" with the United States and urged Greenlanders not to "panic." "The situation is not such that the United States can conquer Greenland. That is not the case. Therefore, we must not panic. We must restore the good cooperation we once had," Nielsen said while speaking in Greenland's capital, Nuuk. In a social media post on Monday, he called for Trump to give up "fantasies" of annexing Greenland. "That's enough now. No more pressure. No more insinuations. No more fantasies of annexation." "We are open to dialogue," he said. "But this must happen through the proper channels and with respect for international law."
** Farah Bahgat & Saim Dušan Inayatullah, [https://www.dw.com/en/nato-could-end-if-us-takes-over-greenland-danish-pm/a-75401270/"NATO could end if US takes over Greenland — Danish PM"], ''Deutsche Welle'', 6 January 2026
* In a joint statement with Frederiksen, French President Emmanuel Macron, German Chancellor Friedrich Merz, Italian Prime Minister Meloni, Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk, Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez and British Prime Minister Keir Starmer expressed support for Denmark and Greenland. "Arctic security remains a key priority for Europe and it is critical for international and transatlantic security," the joint statement read. "We and many other Allies have increased our presence, activities and investments, to keep the Arctic safe and to deter adversaries," it added. The seven leaders stressed that Washington "is an essential partner in this endeavour."
** Farah Bahgat & Saim Dušan Inayatullah, [https://www.dw.com/en/nato-could-end-if-us-takes-over-greenland-danish-pm/a-75401270/"NATO could end if US takes over Greenland — Danish PM"], ''Deutsche Welle'', 6 January 2026
* On Sunday, Trump reiterated his view that Greenland should come under the control of the United States a day after Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro was captured in a US incursion and taken to New York to stand trial. "We need Greenland," Trump told journalists on Sunday, stressing that this was necessary for Washington's "national security" and claiming that the island was surrounded "by Chinese and Russian ships." Trump has in the past offered to buy the territory, while not ruling out the use of military force to take it over.<br>Greenland has large quantities of oil, critical minerals and other resources. The territory could also gain economic importance in coming decades as new Arctic shipping routes open due to the melting of polar ice. Greenland already hosts a US military base, and Copenhagen has expressed willingness to allow for the deployment of additional US troops. On Monday, top Trump adviser Stephen Miller described Greenland as "a colony of Denmark," adding "nobody's going to fight the United States militarily over the future of Greenland."
** Farah Bahgat & Saim Dušan Inayatullah, [https://www.dw.com/en/nato-could-end-if-us-takes-over-greenland-danish-pm/a-75401270/"NATO could end if US takes over Greenland — Danish PM"], ''Deutsche Welle'', 6 January 2026
* Six European allies have rallied to support Denmark following renewed insistence by the US that it must have control over Greenland. "Greenland belongs to its people, and only Denmark and Greenland can decide on matters concerning their relations," the leaders of the UK, France, Germany, Italy, Poland, Spain, and Denmark said in a joint statement. On Sunday, Donald Trump said the US "needed" Greenland - a semi-autonomous region of fellow Nato member Denmark - for security reasons. He has refused to rule out the use of force to take control of the territory, and Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen warned on Monday that an attack by the US would spell the end of NATO.
** Paulin Kola, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c07xkeee2k3o/"European allies back Denmark over Trump's threat to annex Greenland"], BBC, 6 January 2026
* The Trump administration's recent move to appoint a special envoy to Greenland prompted anger in Denmark. Greenland, which has a population of 57,000 people, has had extensive self-government since 1979, though defence and foreign policy remain in Danish hands. While most Greenlanders favour eventual independence from Denmark, opinion polls show overwhelming opposition to becoming part of the US.<br>Morgan Angaju, 27, an Inuit living in Ilulissat in the west of the country, told BBC Newsbeat it had been "terrifying to listen to the leader of the free world laughing at Denmark and Greenland and just talking about us like we're something to claim". "We are already claimed by the Greenlandic people. Kalaallit Nunaat means the land of the Greenlandic people," Morgan said. He added he was worried about what happens next - wondering whether Greenland's prime minister may suffer the same fate as Maduro - or even about the US "invading our country".
** Paulin Kola, [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c07xkeee2k3o/"European allies back Denmark over Trump's threat to annex Greenland"], BBC, 6 January 2026
* The Trump administration will withdraw from dozens of international organizations, including the U.N.'s population agency and the U.N. treaty that establishes international climate negotiations, as the U.S. further retreats from global cooperation. President Donald Trump on Wednesday signed an executive order suspending U.S. support for 66 organizations, agencies, and commissions, following his administration’s review of participation in and funding for all international organizations, including those affiliated with the United Nations, according to a White House release.<br>Many of the targets are U.N.-related agencies, commissions and advisory panels that focus on climate, labor, migration and other issues the Trump administration has categorized as catering to diversity and “woke” initiatives. Other non-U.N. organizations on the list include the Partnership for Atlantic Cooperation, the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance, and the Global Counterterrorism Forum.<br>“The Trump Administration has found these institutions to be redundant in their scope, mismanaged, unnecessary, wasteful, poorly run, captured by the interests of actors advancing their own agendas contrary to our own, or a threat to our nation’s sovereignty, freedoms, and general prosperity,” Secretary of State Marco Rubio said in a statement.<br>Trump's decision to withdraw from organizations that foster cooperation among nations to address global challenges comes as his administration has launched military efforts or issued threats that have rattled allies and adversaries alike, including capturing autocratic Venezuelan leader Nicolás Maduro and indicating an intention to take over Greenland.
** Matthew Lee & Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&ei=48?/"US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation"], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026
* The administration previously suspended support for agencies like the World Health Organization, the U.N. agency for Palestinian refugees known as UNRWA, the U.N. Human Rights Council and the U.N. cultural agency UNESCO. It has taken a larger, à la carte approach to paying dues to the world body, picking which operations and agencies it believes align with Trump’s agenda and those that no longer serve U.S. interests.<br>“I think what we’re seeing is the crystallization of the U.S. approach to multilateralism, which is ‘my way or the highway,’” said Daniel Forti, head of U.N. affairs at the International Crisis Group. “It's a very clear vision of wanting international cooperation on Washington’s own terms.”<br>It has marked a major shift from how previous administrations — both Republican and Democratic — have dealt with the U.N., and it has forced the world body, already undergoing its own internal reckoning, to respond with a series of staffing and program cuts. Many independent nongovernmental agencies — some that work with the United Nations — have cited many project closures because of the U.S. administration’s decision last year to slash foreign assistance through the U.S. Agency for International Development, or USAID.<br>Despite the massive shift, Trump administration officials say they see the potential of the U.N. and want to instead focus taxpayer money on expanding American influence in many of the standard-setting U.N. initiatives where there is competition with China, like the International Telecommunications Union, the International Maritime Organization and the International Labor Organization.
** Matthew Lee & Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&ei=48?/"US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation"], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026
* The withdrawal from the U.N. Framework Convention on Climate Change, or UNFCCC, is the latest effort by Trump and his allies to distance the U.S. from international organizations focused on climate and addressing climate change. UNFCCC, the 1992 agreement between 198 countries to financially support climate change activities in developing countries, is the underlying treaty for the landmark Paris climate agreement. Trump — who calls climate change a hoax — withdrew from that agreement soon after reclaiming the White House.<br>Gina McCarthy, former White House National Climate Adviser, said being the only country in the world not part of the treaty is “shortsighted, embarrassing, and a foolish decision.” “This Administration is forfeiting our country’s ability to influence trillions of dollars in investments, policies, and decisions that would have advanced our economy and protected us from costly disasters wreaking havoc on our country,” McCarthy, who co-chairs America Is All In, a coalition of climate-concerned U.S. states and cities, said in a statement.<br>Mainstream scientists say climate change is behind increasing instances of deadly and costly extreme weather, including flooding, droughts, wildfires, intense rainfall events and dangerous heat.
** Matthew Lee & Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&ei=48?/"US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation"], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026
* The U.S. withdrawal could hinder global efforts to curb greenhouse gases because it “gives other nations the excuse to delay their own actions and commitments,” said Stanford University climate scientist Rob Jackson, who chairs the Global Carbon Project, a group of scientists that tracks countries’ carbon dioxide emissions. It will also be difficult to achieve meaningful progress on climate change without cooperation from the U.S., one of the world’s largest emitters and economies, experts said.<br>The U.N. Population Fund, the agency providing sexual and reproductive health worldwide, has long been a lightning rod for Republican opposition, and Trump cut funding for it during his first term. He and other GOP officials have accused the agency of participating in “coercive abortion practices” in countries like China. When President Joe Biden took office in January 2021, he restored funding for the agency. A State Department review conducted the following year found no evidence to support GOP claims.<br>Other organizations and agencies that the U.S. will quit include the Carbon Free Energy Compact, the United Nations University, the International Cotton Advisory Committee, the International Tropical Timber Organization, the Partnership for Atlantic Cooperation, the Pan-American Institute for Geography and History, the International Federation of Arts Councils and Culture Agencies, and the International Lead and Zinc Study Group.
** Matthew Lee & Farnoush Amiri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-exit-dozens-of-international-organizations-as-it-further-retreats-from-global-cooperation/ar-AA1TLJmD?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=695edaf7649a4392b697af0184b92510&ei=48?/"US will exit 66 international organizations as it further retreats from global cooperation"], ''The Associated Press'', 7 January 2026
* The Trump administration is denying state and local officials any access to the investigation into the shooting, offering little hope for a non-partisan probe into what happened. “They don’t have any jurisdiction in this investigation,” Noem said Thursday. She then railed against Minneapolis and Minnesota officials for not doing enough to assist ICE. Her remarks came after Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension (BCA) Superintendent Drew Evans released a statement saying the U.S. attorney’s office has barred it from participating in the federal investigation.<br>“Without complete access to the evidence, witnesses and information collected, we cannot meet the investigative standards that Minnesota law and the public demands,” Evans wrote. “As a result, the BCA has reluctantly withdrawn from the investigation.” It’s impossible for Minnesota to do its own investigation without the federal government’s cooperation, the state’s Department of Public Safety commissioner Bob Jacobson explained Thursday.<br>“They do have all the evidence in the original investigative notes and reports. We have none of that. They have shared none of that with us,” he said. “We would welcome the opportunity to jump back in to ... find the answers that the public deserves. Without any of that information, without any of that assistance from the FBI or the federal government, we would be at a loss to be able to initiate and conduct a thorough investigation.” Noem said Thursday she’s already confident the investigation will clear the ICE agent of any wrongdoing.<br>“We have expected all the policies and procedures of review will be exactly that he acted appropriately to protect his life and the life of his colleagues,” she said Thursday when asked to share more information about him.<br>Following Noem’s remarks, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (D) said getting a fair outcome from an investigation into the shooting “feels very, very difficult” now. “I say that only because people in positions of power have already passed judgment, from the President to the Vice President to Kristi Noem, have stood and told you things that are verifiably false, verifiably inaccurate,” a despondent Walz said at a press conference. “They have determined the character of a 37-year-old mom that they didn’t even know.”
** Lydia O'Connor, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/it-sure-looks-like-the-trump-administration-is-trying-to-cover-up-a-killing/ar-AA1TQDlO?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6960df977dcb47ad84d9e8003f6d54ee&ei=15/"It sure looks like the Trump administration is trying to cover up a killing"], ''HuffPost'', 8 January 2026
* The Trump administration announced it is suspending $129m in federal benefit payments to Minnesota amid allegations of widespread fraud in the state. The secretary of the US Department of Agriculture (USDA), Brooke Rollins, shared a letter on Friday on social media that was addressed to Minnesota’s governor, Tim Walz, and the mayor of Minneapolis, Jacob Frey, notifying them of the administration’s decision and citing investigations into alleged fraud conducted by local non-profits and businesses. “Despite a staggering, wide-reaching fraud scandal, your administrations refuse to provide basic information or take common sense measures to stop fraud. The Trump administration refuses to allow such fraud to continue,” Rollins wrote.<br>Rollins asked Walz and Frey to provide the USDA with justification for all federal spending from 20 January 2025 to the present within 30 days. She is also requiring that all federal payments to the state moving forward require the same justification. “We’re communicating with state partners to understand the impacts of such a blanket cut to funding meant for residents most in need,” Brian Feintech, a spokesperson for the city of Minneapolis, said in a written statement in response to Rollins’s letter.<br>“What’s abundantly clear is that Minneapolis is the latest target of the Trump administration – willing to harm Americans in service to its perceived political gain.”<br>Minnesota’s attorney general, Keith Ellison, publicly responded to Rollins’s post, writing on X: “I will not allow you to take from Minnesotans in need. I’ll see you in court.”
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&ei=19/"Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota"], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026
* The USDA’s announcement coincides with a federal ruling that the Trump administration cannot block federal money for childcare subsidies and other programs aimed at supporting low-income families with children from reaching five Democratic-led states, including Minnesota. The Trump administration has targeted Minnesota over the past year over allegations of fraud, specifically going after the state’s Somali population. Federal prosecutors estimate as much as $9bn has been stolen across schemes allegedly linked to the state’s Somali population. Trump ended legal protections for Somali immigrants in the state in November 2025, claiming that “Somali gangs are terrorizing the people of that great State, and BILLIONS of Dollars are missing. Send them back to where they came from.”<br>Shortly thereafter, Trump went off on both Somalis and Ilhan Omar, the Minnesota congressional representative who is from Somalia and is a US citizen, in a xenophobic rant during a cabinet meeting. “They contribute nothing. I don’t want them in our country, I’ll be honest with you,” the president said. He called Omar “garbage” and said “we’re going to go the wrong way if we keep taking in garbage into our country”.
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&ei=19/"Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota"], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026
* A month later, in December 2025, the FBI announced that it was deploying additional investigative and personnel resources to “dismantle large-scale fraud schemes exploiting federal programs” in the state, according to its director, Kash Patel. Patel said the agency had already dismantled a $250m fraud scheme that stole federal food aid meant for vulnerable children during the Covid pandemic in a case that led to 78 indictments and 57 convictions.<br>Last week, Walz announced that he would not run for a third term as Minnesota’s governor, as his handling of the fraud has fallen under intense scrutiny from Trump and Republicans. In his announcement, Walz acknowledged that the president and his political allies have taken advantage of the crisis to sow further division in the state.<br>“I won’t mince words here,” Walz said. “Donald Trump and his allies – in Washington, in St Paul and online – want to make our state a colder, meaner place.”
** Sara Braun, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-administration-suspends-129m-in-benefit-payments-to-minnesota/ar-AA1TXw8T?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696288fd8dbf4b68a5639be7125a980c&ei=19/"Trump administration suspends $129m in benefit payments to Minnesota"], ''The Guardian'', 10 January 2026
* Civil liberties and migrant-rights groups called for nationwide rallies on Saturday to protest the fatal shooting of an activist in Minnesota by a U.S. immigration agent, as state authorities opened their own investigation of the killing. Protest organizers said more than 1,000 weekend events were planned across the country demanding an end to large-scale deployments of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents ordered by President Donald Trump, mostly to cities led by Democratic politicians.<br>Minneapolis became a major flashpoint of the Republican president's militarized deportation roundups on Wednesday, when an ICE officer shot and killed a 37-year-old mother of three, Renee Good, behind the wheel of her car on a residential street. The violence came soon after some 2,000 federal officers were dispatched to Minneapolis in what ICE's parent agency, the Department of Homeland Security, called the "largest DHS operation ever." Minnesota Governor Tim Walz, a Democrat, condemned the deployment as a "reckless" example of "governance by reality TV."
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman & Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&ei=17/"Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests"], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026
* On Friday night, throngs of demonstrators staged a "noise protest" outside a Minneapolis hotel believed to be lodging a visiting contingent of ICE agents. Video posted by activists on social media showed protesters, some wearing brightly colored inflatable costumes, creating a din by beating on drums, banging pots and pans, yelling through bullhorns and blowing on brass instruments and whistles. Others directed high-power flashlight beams at the hotel's windows. The crowd thinned after yellow-vested state police in riot gear marched into the area and declared an unlawful assembly, CNN reported.<br>Police were responding to "information that demonstrators were no longer peaceful and reports of damage to property," the Minnesota Department of Public Safety said on X. "Dispersal orders were given prior to arrests." At the time she was killed, Good was participating in one of numerous "neighborhood patrols" that track, monitor and record ICE activities, according to family and local activists.<br>Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem and other Trump administration officials said Good was "impeding" and "stalking" ICE agents all day, and that the officer opened fire in self-defense when she tried to ram her car into him in an "act of domestic terrorism."
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman & Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&ei=17/"Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests"], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026
* Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, a Democrat, pointed to bystander video he said directly contradicted the federal government's "garbage narrative." Civil liberties advocates said the video showed federal agents lacked any justification for using deadly force.<br>Amid the sharply differing accounts of the shooting, Minnesota and Hennepin County law enforcement authorities said on Friday they were opening their own criminal inquiry of the incident separate from a federal investigation led by the FBI. Some Trump administration officials, including Vice President JD Vance, asserted state prosecutors lack jurisdiction to charge a federal officer with a crime, though legal experts say federal immunity in such cases is not automatic.<br>The crisis atmosphere led Walz - a prominent Trump antagonist who branded Trump and his Republican allies as "weird" during his own run for vice president last year - to put the state's National Guard on alert.<br>Federal-state tensions escalated further on Thursday when a U.S. Border Patrol agent in Portland, Oregon, shot and wounded a man and woman in their car after an attempted vehicle stop. As in the Minneapolis incident, DHS said the driver had tried to "weaponize" his vehicle and run over agents. DHS on Friday identified the wounded driver and passenger as suspected gang associates from Venezuela who were in the U.S. illegally. The agency said the woman had been involved in a prior shootout in Portland but provided no evidence of its allegations against the pair.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman & Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&ei=17/"Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests"], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026
* Portland Mayor Keith Wilson, echoing Frey, said he could not be sure the government's account was grounded in fact without an independent investigation. The deployment of agents to Minneapolis follows Trump's recent denunciations of Walz and his state's large population of Somali immigrants over allegations of fraud dating back to 2020 by some nonprofit groups administering childcare and other social-service programs. Good was shot dead just a few blocks from where George Floyd was killed by a Minneapolis police officer crushing his neck into the pavement with his knee during a videotaped arrest in May 2020. Floyd's death sparked months of nationwide racial-justice protests during Trump's first term in office.<br>Bystander video of the Minneapolis incident showed masked officers approaching Good's Honda SUV while it was stopped at a perpendicular angle to the street, partially blocking traffic. One agent is seen ordering her out of the car and grabbing onto the driver-side front door handle as the car pulls forward and steers away from the officers, one of whom jumps back and fires three shots into the front of the vehicle as it rolls past.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman & Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&ei=17/"Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests"], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026
* Video filmed by the officer who opened fire, identified through official comment and public records as Jonathan Ross, shows Good appearing calm. She is heard telling him, "That's fine, dude, I'm not mad at you" - moments before he opens fire as she drives forward into the street, steering the car away from him. Noem has said he was treated at a local hospital for unspecified injuries and released. The car's front bumper appears in the bystander video to pass Ross before he shot at Good. It is unclear from any of the footage whether the vehicle made contact with him. In any case, Ross is shown remaining on his feet and can be seen walking after the incident, contradicting Trump's assertion on social media that the woman "ran over the ICE officer."<br>The two DHS-related shootings this week have drawn thousands of protesters to the streets of Minneapolis, Portland and other U.S. cities, with many more demonstrations under the banner "ICE Out For Good" planned for Saturday and Sunday.<br>The rallies were being organized by a coalition of groups including the American Civil Liberties Union, MoveOn Civic Action, Voto Latino, and Indivisible, some of which were at the forefront of "No Kings" protests against Trump last year.
** Renee Hickman, Steve Gorman & Nathan Layne, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/fatal-ice-shooting-of-minneapolis-activist-sets-stage-for-national-protests/ar-AA1TWJeC?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696250ef11b64ca2991c35ae7ad81e96&ei=17/"Fatal ICE shooting of Minneapolis activist sets stage for national protests"], ''Reuters'', 10 January 2026
* On an unseasonably warm Wednesday in Minneapolis, an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent shot a woman in the face. The many eyes of our everyday panopticon recorded the event from multiple angles. Renee Nicole Good, a 37-year-old mom of three, had stopped her maroon SUV on a snowy street crawling with ICE officials. According to eyewitness reports, multiple men in masks shouted conflicting orders at her: At least one apparently demanded that she exit her vehicle and tried to open her door; another told her to drive away. Good seems to have moved slowly as she tried to maneuver around the agents surrounding her car. After appearing to first wave for someone to move, she reversed slightly and turned away from the agents to continue down the street. An ICE agent who appears to have been knocked back by her front bumper responded by shooting into her vehicle, and shot again as the SUV, suddenly without a conscious driver, [careened] into a parked car ahead.<br>Chaos erupted. A man announcing himself as a physician ran toward the scene to attempt to render first aid, but an ICE agent commanded him to step back. When emergency medical workers finally arrived on foot 15 minutes later, they clumsily pulled Good’s body from the driver’s seat, leaving behind a blood-soaked airbag. Onlookers immediately rose up in anger and outrage, screaming at the agents and shouting profanities. One man howled “Murderer! Murderer!” over and over again. Good’s partner, who was near the SUV, can be heard saying through sobs that Good was her wife, that their 6-year-old was at school, and that they were new in town, didn’t know anybody, had no one to call for help.<br>'''The alarm was warranted. Everyone on the scene had witnessed the crossing of a crucial line in Donald Trump’s mass-deportation project: ICE had just killed an American citizen on American soil.'''<br>'''The administration has since declared that the agent “is protected by absolute immunity,” whatever that means, a signal of unconditional support for an agency bloated with thousands of new, heavily armed, and minimally trained recruits, deployed around the country to help achieve Trump’s goal of deporting 1 million immigrants a year. Events such as Good’s death set the stage for yet more lethal confrontations, which the administration can be trusted to defend with the same specious pretext. What is now overt, in a way that it hadn’t been Wednesday morning, is that these agents are at war with the public, and have been for some time.'''
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&ei=12?/"This will happen again"], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026
* Good’s killing was the culmination of months of roiling tensions between the Department of Homeland Security and the communities it routinely invades to round up people for summary deportation. Having more than doubled ICE’s workforce in a matter of months, DHS has been fretting theatrically about how these agents are risking “their lives to remove the worst of the worst.” In retrospect, those concerns now seem like threats—a preemptive excuse for maximum violence.<br>The Trump administration instantly characterized Good’s killing as a matter of self-defense on the part of the ICE agent, whom The Minnesota Star Tribune has identified as Jonathan Ross, a 10-year agency veteran and member of its Special Response Team. Faced with footage of the incident Wednesday night, Trump offered the MAGA gloss on what took place: “She ran him over.” In fact, videos show that Ross remained upright.<br>In a press conference, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem claimed that Good had been killed because she had been “stalking and impeding” ICE agents all day, and that she had tried to “weaponize her vehicle” in an act of “domestic terrorism.” By Thursday, when White House Spokesperson Karoline Leavitt presented the administration’s official line, the story had grown more baroque. Leavitt maintained that Good was part of a “larger, sinister, left-wing movement that has spread across our country, where our brave men and women of federal law enforcement are under organized attack.” Thus Ross, as a target of a dangerous conspiracy, had merely been operating in self-defense.
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&ei=12?/"This will happen again"], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026
* In the administration’s closest brush with acknowledging wrongdoing, J. D. Vance mentioned to reporters Thursday that Ross had been involved in an incident with a vehicle several months ago, during which he was dragged for 100 yards and subsequently required numerous stitches: “So you think maybe he’s a little bit sensitive about somebody ramming him with an automobile?” These remarks could reasonably be taken to imply that Ross’s decision to shoot Good was an emotional overreaction based on past trauma, but then Vance pivoted: Ross “deserves a debt of gratitude.” In other words, even if Ross did act in error, Good’s death still bears the administration’s stamp of approval.
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&ei=12?/"This will happen again"], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026
* '''Protesters in Minneapolis have since flooded the streets in the thousands, and ICE agents have responded by apprehending some, shoving others to the ground, and spraying chemical irritants in their faces. These incidents have ignited mass demonstrations nationwide, in which protesters have wailed “Shame” and “Murder,” banged drums, screeched from metal whistles, and hoisted signs declaring what is no longer deniable: ICE kills.'''<br>''''It therefore felt grimly inevitable when the Department of Homeland Security issued a statement Thursday night confirming that Border Patrol officers shot at two people in a targeted traffic stop in Portland, Oregon. “When agents identified themselves to the vehicle occupants,” the post on X read, “the driver weaponized his vehicle and attempted to run over the law enforcement agents.” There is nothing to stop the echoes of this rationale, and we should expect to hear it again and again. There may come a time when the administration dispenses with offering an explanation at all.'''
** Elizabeth Bruenig, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/this-will-happen-again/ar-AA1TWUxS?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6962531da0a7499c8687f2c9df9f4110&ei=12?/"This will happen again"], ''The Atlantic'', 10 January 2026
* President Donald Trump continued his threats towards Greenland on Friday, as he insisted that if the United States did not act Russia or China could occupy it in the future. Trump said that if he is unable to make a deal to acquire the territory “the easy way,” then he will have to “do it the hard way.” “We are going to do something in Greenland, whether they like it or not, because if we don’t do it, Russia or China will take over Greenland, and we’re not going to have Russia or China as a neighbor,” Trump told reporters at the White House. Greenland’s party leaders, including the opposition, issued a joint statement saying: “We do not want to be Americans, we do not want to be Danes, we want to be Greenlanders. The future of Greenland must be decided by the Greenlandic people.”<br>The US president and his White House officials have been discussing a range of options on how to bring Greenland under US control amid renewed interest in the strategically significant Danish-controlled territory, and has not ruling out a military intervention. The governments of Greenland and Denmark continue to publicly and privately insist it is not for sale. It remains unclear how other NATO members would respond if the US decided to take Greenland by force. European leaders have warned that such a move would have serious consequences for the military alliance. In a joint statement the leaders of France, Germany, the UK, Italy, Poland and Spain said Greenland belongs to its own people.
** Sophie Tanno & Samantha Waldenberg, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-take-greenland-the-hard-way-if-it-can-t-do-it-the-easy-way-trump-says/ar-AA1TWGOT?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69625c4896054da3ba7ee0f19ca4ee4c&ei=39/"US will take Greenland the 'hard way' if it can't do it the 'easy way,' Trump says"], CNN, 10 January 2026
* “I would like to make a deal the easy way but if we don’t do it the easy way, we’re going to do it the hard way. And by the way, I’m a fan of Denmark too. I have to tell you, they have been very nice to me. I’m a big fan,” Trump said. He claimed that the move was necessary to prevent Russia or China from taking Greenland at some point in the future. Asked about a recent report that the US was weighing making payments to Greenlanders to convince them to join the US, Trump said, “I’m not talking about money for Greenland yet.”<br>Many Greenlanders have already rejected the idea of accepting money to become part of the US. “No thank you. It’s absolutely certain that we don’t want that,” one resident of the capital city of Nuuk, Simon Kjeldskov, told Reuters. Another resident, Juno Michaelsen, said: “Any number in the world and we will say no. It belongs to us and only us.”<br>The top Washington-based diplomats for Greenland and Denmark met with White House officials on Thursday. Denmark’s Ambassador Jesper Møller Sørensen and Greenland’s head of representation to the US Jacob Isbosethsen met with Trump advisers, diplomats familiar with the matter told CNN. Greenland’s Prime Minister Jens-Frederik Nielsen alongside four other party leaders once again rejected Trump’s calls to acquire the semi-autonomous territory in a statement release Friday night and seen by Reuters. The leaders said a planned meeting of Greenland’s parliament, the Inatsisartut, to discuss its response to the Trump administration’s threats would be brought forward. The date of the meeting has not yet been determined. Greenland’s parliament last met in November and had been scheduled to meet again on February 3.
** Sophie Tanno & Samantha Waldenberg, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/us-will-take-greenland-the-hard-way-if-it-can-t-do-it-the-easy-way-trump-says/ar-AA1TWGOT?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69625c4896054da3ba7ee0f19ca4ee4c&ei=39/"US will take Greenland the 'hard way' if it can't do it the 'easy way,' Trump says"], CNN, 10 January 2026
* Several thousand protesters gathered at a park coated with fresh snow on Minneapolis’s south side Saturday afternoon, near where Renée Good lived and was fatally shot. “Say her name: Renée Good!” they chanted, along with “We will not put up with ICE!” There were mothers with children and babies in carriers, families and seniors holding homemade signs that read “ICE murdered Renée Good,” and “Indict agent Jonathan Ross,” the man identified through court records as the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer who killed Good. Protesters turned out in cities across the country, including Boston, New York City, Austin and Philadelphia, many organized by progressive group Indivisible and titled “ICE Out For Good.”<br>In Minneapolis, the demonstrations in recent days “have remained peaceful until last night,” Police Chief Brian O’Hara said during a news conference Saturday. O’Hara said one Friday night protest outside a hotel believed to be housing ICE agents grew tense when some individuals caused property damage and, over the course of the night, threw ice, snow and rocks at officers.<br>Police arrested 29 people and at least one officer sustained injuries after being hit by a chunk of ice, O’Hara said. Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey urged demonstrators to remain peaceful and to not “take the bait” into violent escalation. “We are meeting a whole lot of despair with a lot of hope,” Frey said Saturday. “We are doing right. We are being strategic. And yes, for those that aren’t being strategic... there are consequences.”
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez & Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&ei=16/"Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide"], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026
* The state has also been grappling with how to respond after the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension said the FBI was revoking its access to the case file, scene evidence and witness interviews in Good’s shooting. Trump administration officials have called the incident a federal matter, but state prosecutors say it falls in their jurisdiction and announced Friday they will conduct their own review of the shooting in an effort to gather evidence the FBI won’t share with them. Video of the hotly contested shooting has gradually emerged, including cellphone footage recorded by the ICE officer as he fatally shot Good.<br>The 47-second recording shows for the first time that Renée Good spoke to Ross before he shot her, and reveals that, a split second before the gunfire, Good’s wife urged her to drive away from the scene. It does not show whether Good’s SUV came into contact with Ross, as the administration contends. Vice President JD Vance said Friday that the video exonerated Ross. “The reality is that his life was endangered and he fired in self defense,” Vance wrote on X.<br>Minnesota Attorney General Keith Ellison said Friday that it’s too early for anyone to reach a conclusion about the shooting “in good faith” because there’s too much evidence still to be evaluated. How the investigation plays out was on protesters’ minds Saturday. “War is being waged on our community. I’m here because sometimes it feels like there’s not a lot you can do,” said Nora Sonneborn, 28, who lives nearby, works in administration and held a hand-painted sign that said, “Melt the ICE.” She called the FBI’s move to exclude state authorities from the shooting investigation “ridiculous.” “A crime was committed in our home and we have every right to investigate,” she said.
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez & Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&ei=16/"Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide"], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026
* Saturday morning, about five miles from the protests, there was a brief standoff between U.S. lawmakers and armed federal officers outside a Minneapolis-area federal building. In social media posts and media interviews afterward, three Democratic congresswomen from Minnesota said they had sought to oversee the conditions at a regional ICE field office, but were allowed in only briefly before officials ordered them to leave.<br>Videos posted by journalists on the scene showed Reps. Ilhan Omar, Angie Craig and Kelly Morrison standing outside the facility’s gate as a line of federal agents dressed in tactical gear and camouflage initially barred them from entering. A female voice could be heard saying, “I’m a sitting member of the United States Congress,” and asking, “Have you contacted your supervisor?”<br>“It is deeply disturbing to think what ICE is hiding when they are actively denying members from conducting their oversight authority,” Omar said in a statement Saturday. “When people disappear in the darkness, American democracy dies.”<br>Last month, a federal judge temporarily blocked new Trump administration policies restricting members of Congress from making unannounced oversight visits to ICE facilities funded via congressional appropriations bills. In a statement Saturday afternoon, however, Department of Homeland Security spokeswoman Tricia McLaughlin said the ruling did not apply because the court exempted ICE operations funded by last year’s One Big Beautiful Bill Act. She said that Homeland Security Secretary Kristi L. Noem issued fresh orders Jan. 8 reiterating that congressmembers must give seven days’ notice before visiting ICE detention facilities. “Because they were out of compliance with this mandate, Representative Omar and her colleagues were denied entry to the facility,” McLaughlin said.
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez & Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&ei=16/"Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide"], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026
* Roberta Sloan, 66, a retired nurse who drove from Rochester, Minnesota, to join the protest in the park on Minneapolis’s south side, said she was frustrated that Omar’s effort to enter the ICE facility was challenged, but glad the congresswomen tried. “They have every right to be there to see these detention places and how people are being treated,” she said. Sloan was also pleased with how Gov. Tim Walz and Minneapolis’s mayor have spoken out against the ICE operation and shooting. “They are standing up for what Minnesota stands for,” she said, and that’s why she felt compelled to protest: “To stand up for those who don’t have a voice.”<br>Standing on a nearby snow covered sidewalk, amid a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd, health care worker Peter Prou, 33, of St. Paul, said he was outraged by the shooting and came to fight for justice. “They’re taking away all our rights and freedoms. They know it’s murder and they’re trying to cover it up,” he said of ICE, but added, “There’s strength in numbers. There’s more of us than them.”
** Molly Hennessy-Fiske, Angie Orellana Hernandez & Will Oremus, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-protest-ice-presence-in-minneapolis-and-cities-nationwide/ar-AA1TXW6R?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6963661c28904bd98d50319d0aeeb238&ei=16/"Thousands protest ICE presence in Minneapolis and cities nationwide"], ''The Washington Post'', 10 January 2026
* Our country hasn’t been perfect, but it has been self-correcting. It took time for us to acknowledge the unalienable rights of all races and sexes. We have stumbled, fought each other, and sometimes misused our military muscle. But, when we resorted to violence, it was usually to defend liberty at home and abroad. Now, we have stumbled again, installing leaders who don’t believe in the founding idea. Freedom threatens them, so they rule by fear. So far, neither our institutions nor our people have mobilized to correct this mistake. President Trump and his people are so emboldened that they don’t even bother to hide their ill intentions. They know that if they commit crimes on his behalf, he will pardon them.
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/"America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear "], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026
* Trump attacks freedom of the press. Over the last year, his administration took more than $1 billion away from public broadcasting; launched investigations into NPR, PBS, ABC, NBC and CBS; and forced media organizations to pay $32 million to settle his lawsuits against them. He has taken 76 federal actions to restrict, punish and revoke journalists’ credentials. But Trump’s biggest use of federal force to intimidate and terrorize civil society is his deployment of immigration agents and military troops in U.S. cities run by Democrats. Federal agencies have deported more than 605,000 people over the last year. Trump promised to focus on immigrants convicted of crimes, but his agents have arrested productive and longstanding American residents. As of Nov. 30, nearly 74 percent of the detainees had no criminal convictions. During 2025, 32 people, including children, died while in the custody of Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Many have been “disappeared” to other countries, some to prisons, and denied their constitutional rights to due process. During 2025, the administration stripped legal status from 1.6 million immigrants. Nearly 2 million immigrants “self-deported.”
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/"America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear "], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026
* '''The U.S. is supposed to be different, but Trump sees the world as an extension of himself — a place where bullies gain wealth and power by mistreating others and controlling them with fear'''.
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/"America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear "], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026
* Last week, Americans watched on television as an armed immigration officer shot and killed a frightened mother of three, an American citizen, in Minneapolis. Without the benefit of an investigation, Trump, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem and other federal officials quickly went public to describe the woman as a rioter and “terrorist” who “weaponized her vehicle” against the officer, forcing him to defend himself.<br>The American people have also watched the U.S. military kill foreign nationals by simply blowing up 35 boats in the Caribbean, killing at least 115 passengers. The Trump administration claimed the boats were smuggling drugs into America but provided no evidence.<br>Then came the invasion of Venezuela to arrest its leader and bring him to the U.S. for trial. Trump openly admits he wants to seize the country’s oil reserves, the largest (and some of the dirtiest) in the world. In the style of Russia’s Vladimir Putin, he wants to turn America’s oil billionaires into oligarchs. Time will tell how the entrenched interests in Venezuela react, and whether the invasion escalates into America’s latest oil war.
** William S. Becker, [https://thehill.com/opinion/white-house/5682167-trump-abuses-power-freedom/"America was supposed to be different —now Trump rules it with fear "], ''The Hill'', 12 January 2026
* The big, macho men from ICE who are storming around American cities like Visigoths are a bunch of cowards.<br>They arm themselves as if they are battling ISIS terrorists in Iraq while the only threat they face is common American citizens with whistles and protest signs. They break into private homes without warrants, they gas school kids, they tackle women on the street, they smash into the cars of American citizens. And one of them summarily executed a mother of three children because -- well, because he could.<br>They think they are tough, but they are punks hiding behind masks. They are poorly-trained thugs dressed up like real soldiers who think they are living out a video game where they get points for assaulting anyone who gets in their way. They are the farthest thing from the real cops who police communities with restraint, discipline and a knowledge of the law.These mercenaries do not serve the country, they serve a regime that excuses their unjustified violence and lies about their lawless actions. President Donald Trump falsely alleges that Renee Good, the mother of three gunned down in Minneapolis by an ICE agent, was a “professional agitator” who showed “disrespect” for law enforcement. His toady press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, who will say any despicable thing to please her boss, accused Good of being “a lunatic.” The Homeland Security boss, Kristi Noem, branded Good a “domestic terrorist.”<br>There is zero evidence of any of the Trump administration’s slander. Renee Good was, indeed, out on the street to monitor the actions of ICE, but, as anyone can see in the video taken seconds before she was murdered, she was smiling at the ICE agents and telling them she was not mad at them. Good was, in fact, doing what she had been ordered to do, moving her vehicle out of the way.<br>Trump and his team are even bigger cowards than the cosplay cops they have sent to terrorize immigrants and punish Democratic cities. It takes leaders with maturity and guts to admit fault and accept accountability. The cruel clowns in the White House will never be brave enough to do that.
** David Horsey, [https://horseytoons.substack.com/p/trump-and-his-cosplay-cops-are-cowards/"Trump and his cosplay cops are cowards"], David Horsey's substack, 13 January 2026
* Lawmakers from both parties and houses of Congress have agreed to provide about $653 million to fund Voice of America’s parent agency, rejecting President Donald Trump’s demand to defund the international broadcaster and shut it down. A bipartisan spending bill released Sunday would allocate $643 million for broadcasting from the U.S. Agency for Global Media, which oversees VOA, plus nearly $10 million for capital improvements. That figure is down from the $867 million appropriated for the agency each of the past two years, but it’s more than four times the $153 million Trump requested that Congress provide to “support the orderly shutdown of USAGM operations.” The outlay is included in a broader bipartisan spending deal negotiated by House and Senate appropriators. The package still requires House and Senate approval before heading to Trump’s desk.<br>“We understand the realities of the appropriations process, but I am disappointed that Congress is proposing half a billion dollars more in funding than we requested,” Kari Lake, the deputy CEO installed by Trump to shut down the agency, wrote in a statement Monday. “While reductions from prior years are a step in the right direction, USAGM can still advance President Trump’s message and share America’s story globally without wasting so much taxpayer money.”
** Scott Nover, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/congress-agrees-to-fund-voice-of-america-bucking-trump-shutdown-order/ar-AA1U7exQ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967438758b641c59ca45addfe0ffc6f&ei=10/"Congress agrees to fund Voice of America, bucking Trump shutdown order"], ''The Washington Post'', 13 January 2026
* The bipartisan commitment to funding USAGM reflects continued congressional support for America’s role in promoting the free flow of news and information abroad, a long-standing foundation of its soft power around the world. Congress’s funding proposal comes after a dire year for USAGM. Trump signed an executive order in March calling for the dismantlement of the government agency, which oversees Voice of America and funds nonprofit groups including Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty and Radio Free Asia. To carry out the order, Lake placed more than 1,300 Voice of America staffers on paid administrative leave — many of whom are still not working — and halted broadcasting operations the same month. It was the first time VOA went dark since it was first set up in 1942 to combat Nazi propaganda. In response, VOA’s director, Michael Abramowitz, and a separate group of USAGM staffers sued the Trump administration, arguing that its actions were illegal.<br>Lake, a former Arizona television anchor who lost high-profile races for governor and U.S. Senate in recent years, has defended the cuts and called for the agency’s eventual elimination. She told Congress in a June hearing that USAGM was “incompetent, corrupt, biased, and a threat to America’s national security and standing in the world.” She has also said USAGM is “not salvageable.”<br>The White House did not respond to a request for comment.
** Scott Nover, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/congress-agrees-to-fund-voice-of-america-bucking-trump-shutdown-order/ar-AA1U7exQ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967438758b641c59ca45addfe0ffc6f&ei=10/"Congress agrees to fund Voice of America, bucking Trump shutdown order"], ''The Washington Post'', 13 January 2026
* The new bill allocates $199.5 million of the total appropriation to VOA and $138 million for USAGM’s operations. Additionally, nonprofit grantees will also be funded through this bill to the tune of $112.5 million for Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty, $69 million for Middle East Broadcasting Networks, $53.5 million for Radio Free Asia and $40.5 million for the Open Technology Fund. The Trump administration pushed to defund the nonprofit media outlets, but Lamberth has largely restored their funding in court after they all sued. Radio Free Asia previously said it was pausing operations but in recent months has resumed some publishing activities. “With new funding, if enacted, RFA anticipates ramping up additional news operations that have been paused in the Asia-Pacific region,” RFA spokesman Rohit Mahajan said in a statement. Sen. [[Brian Schatz]] (Hawaii), the top Democrat on the state and foreign operations subcommittee, applauded the bipartisan negotiation that led to the bill but expressed worry that it still represented a cut to government broadcasters. “While the bill ensures continued funding for our international broadcasting grantees,” he wrote in a statement, “it forces cuts at a time when they are trying to provide critical services in Ukraine, the Middle East, and across the Indo-Pacific.”<br>Schatz and his House counterpart, Rep. Lois Frankel (D-Florida), previously criticized the Trump administration’s “illegal gutting” of the agency. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) and Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart (R-Florida), the Senate and House appropriations subcommittee chairs, did not respond to requests for comment.
** Scott Nover, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/congress-agrees-to-fund-voice-of-america-bucking-trump-shutdown-order/ar-AA1U7exQ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967438758b641c59ca45addfe0ffc6f&ei=10/"Congress agrees to fund Voice of America, bucking Trump shutdown order"], ''The Washington Post'', 13 January 2026
* The U.S. experienced negative net migration in 2025 for the first time in at least half a century as a result of the Trump administration's immigration crackdown, according to a report released Tuesday by the Brookings Institution. Although the administration has undertaken aggressive removal efforts, the negative number is mostly due to a significant drop in entries into the U.S., the report said. "We estimate net flows of -295,000 to -10,000 for the year," the Brookings study stated. "Though a high degree of policy uncertainty remains, continued negative net migration for 2026 is also likely." The report attributed the shift to combination of the large drop in entries and an increase in enforcement activity leading to removals and voluntary departures. The Trump administration's suspension of many humanitarian programs -- including most refugee programs with the exception of those involving white South Africans -- and a decline in temporary visas also contributed to the negative net migration, the report said.<br>The report's authors estimate there were between 310,000 and 315,000 removals in 2025, a figure lower than what the administration has claimed. Department of Homeland Security officials claim that, so far, more than 600,000 people have been removed during the crackdown. "At 310,000 to 315,000, the 2025 removals are not much higher than the 2024 removals of around 285,000," the report states.
** Laura Romero, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/us-for-1st-time-in-50-years-experienced-negative-net-migration-in-2025-report/ar-AA1U9D98?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&ei=21/"US, for 1st time in 50 years, experienced negative net migration in 2025: Report"], ABC News, 13 January 2026
* Unlike in 2024, most removals in 2025 were initiated by U.S. Customs and Border Protection from the country's interior, the report said, as opposed to being initiated by Immigration and Customs Enforcement -- despite the actions of some ICE officers dominating many news headlines. A spokesperson with the Department of Homeland Security, which oversees CPB and ICE, did not immediately respond to a request for comment from ABC News. The report's authors also predicted removals will increase in 2026 with funding from President Donald Trump's One Big Beautiful Bill Act, which the report said will "likely allow for increased infrastructure and staffing to achieve a higher level of enforcement."<br>According to the report, authorities also predict the net migration loss will see certain sectors of the economy experience "unexpectedly weak economic activity," specifically businesses that serve affected immigrant populations. "The slowdown implies weaker employment, GDP, and consumer spending growth," the report states, adding that consumer spending is expected to fall by between $60 billion and $110 billion over 2025 and 2026.
** Laura Romero, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/us-for-1st-time-in-50-years-experienced-negative-net-migration-in-2025-report/ar-AA1U9D98?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&ei=21/"US, for 1st time in 50 years, experienced negative net migration in 2025: Report"], ABC News, 13 January 2026
* Several faculty groups have denounced the Trump administration’s efforts to obtain information about Jewish professors, staff and students at the [[University of Pennsylvania]] – including personal emails, phone numbers and home addresses – as government abuse with “ominous historical overtones”.<br>The US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is demanding the university turn over names and personal information about Jewish members of the Penn community as part of the administration’s stated goal to combat antisemitism on campuses. But some Jewish faculty and staff have condemned the government’s demand as “a visceral threat to the safety of those who would find themselves identified because compiling and turning over to the government ‘lists of Jews’ conjures a terrifying history”, according to a press release put out by the groups’ lawyers.<br>The EEOC sued Penn in November over the university’s refusal to fully comply with its demands. On Tuesday, the American Association of University Professors’ national and Penn chapters, the university’s Jewish Law Students Association and its Association of Senior and Emeritus Faculty, and the American Academy of Jewish Research filed a motion in federal court to intervene in the case.<br>“These requests would require Penn to create and turn over a centralized registry of Jewish students, faculty, and staff – a profoundly invasive and dangerous demand that intrudes deeply into the freedoms of association, religion, speech, and privacy enshrined in the First Amendment,” the groups argued. “We are entering territory that should shock every single one of us,” said Norm Eisen, co-founder and executive chair of the Democracy Defenders Fund on a press call. The fund is representing the faculty groups along with the American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania and the firm Hangley Aronchick Segal Pudlin and Schiller. “That kind of information – however purportedly benign the excuses given for it – can be put to the most dangerous misuse. This is an abuse of government power that drags us back to some of the darkest chapters in our history.”<br>The EEOC did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
** Alice Speri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/upenn-faculty-condemn-trump-administration-s-demand-for-lists-of-jews/ar-AA1U9l5D?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&ei=17/"UPENN faculty condemn Trump administration’s demand for ‘lists of Jews’"], ''The Guardian'', 13 January 2026
* The University of Pennsylvania was among dozens of US universities to come under federal investigation over alleged antisemitism in the aftermath of the 7 October 2023 Hamas attacks and Israel’s subsequent war in Gaza. In response, the university established a taskforce to study antisemitism, implemented a series of measures and shared hundreds of pages of documents to comply with government demands.<br>But the university refused to comply with the EEOC’s July subpoena for personal information of Jewish faculty, students and staff, or those affiliated with Jewish organizations who had not given their consent, as well as the names of individuals who had participated in confidential listening sessions or received a survey by the university’s antisemitism taskforce. A university spokesperson said in November that “violating their privacy and trust is antithetical to ensuring Penn’s Jewish community feels protected and safe”. Instead, the university offered to inform all its employees of the EEOC investigation, inviting those interested to contact the agency directly.<br>But that was not enough for the commission, which brought the university to court to seek to enforce the subpoena.<br>“The EEOC remains steadfast in its commitment to combatting workplace antisemitism and seeks to identify employees who may have experienced antisemitic harassment. Unfortunately, the employer continues to refuse to identify members of its workforce who may have been subjected to this unlawful conduct,” the EEOC chair, Andrea Lucas, said in a statement at the time. “An employer’s obstruction of efforts to identify witnesses and victims undermines the EEOC’s ability to investigate harassment.”
** Alice Speri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/upenn-faculty-condemn-trump-administration-s-demand-for-lists-of-jews/ar-AA1U9l5D?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&ei=17/"UPENN faculty condemn Trump administration’s demand for ‘lists of Jews’"], ''The Guardian'', 13 January 2026
* The EEOC request prompted widespread alarm and condemnation among Jewish faculty, and earned rebukes from the university’s Hillel and other Jewish groups. Steven Weitzman, a professor with Penn’s religious studies department who also served on the university’s antisemitism taskforce, said that the mere request for such lists “instills a sense of vulnerability among Jews” and that the government cannot guarantee that the information it collects won’t fall “into the wrong hands or have unintended consequences”. “Part of what sets off alarm bells for people like me is a history of people using Jewish lists against Jews,” he said . “The Nazi campaign against Jews depended on institutions like universities handing over information about their Jewish members to the authorities.” “As Jewish study scholars, we know well the dangers of collecting such information,” said Beth Wenger, who teaches Jewish history at Penn. It’s not the first time the EEOC’s efforts to fight antisemitism have caused alarm among Jewish faculty. Last spring, the commission texted the personal phones of employees of Barnard College, the women’s school affiliated with Columbia University, linking to a survey that asked respondents whether they identified as Jewish or Israeli.
** Alice Speri, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/upenn-faculty-condemn-trump-administration-s-demand-for-lists-of-jews/ar-AA1U9l5D?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6967494810e94f57852b9e1e680b4105&ei=17/"UPENN faculty condemn Trump administration’s demand for ‘lists of Jews’"], ''The Guardian'', 13 January 2026
*Iranian Patriots, KEEP PROTESTING - TAKE OVER YOUR INSTITUTIONS!!!... HELP IS ON ITS WAY.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] on Truth Social; [https://www.reuters.com/world/china/iranian-mp-warns-greater-unrest-urging-government-address-grievances-2026-01-13/ Trump urges Iranians to keep protesting, saying 'help is on its way'] ''Reuters'' 13 January 2026
* The Trump administration still hasn't released all of the Epstein files as required by law, and is instead exploring more kinetic ways to distract public attention from this uncomfortable fact, sources confirmed today. “And we all know the best way to divert attention from domestic problems is to bomb people with funny-sounding names overseas,” said a senior White House official. “So we’ve put together a target list of countries with weak militaries, weird names — or both — that we can hit with our few remaining Tomahawks to make sure the Big Man’s name doesn’t pop up in compromising positions in the Epstein documents.”<br>''Duffel Blog'' obtained the target list for Operation PEDO PALADIN, a contingency plan officials say has been sitting in a desk drawer labeled ‘Break Glass If Accountability Appears.’ According to sources, the president doesn’t particularly care which country gets hit first, largely because he can’t find any of them on a map anyway.
** ''Duffel Blog'', [https://www.duffelblog.com/top-10-countries-trump-will-send-you-to-attack-rather-than-release-the-epstein-files/"Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files"], 14 January 2026
* '''Sure, technically it belongs to Denmark. But aside from the dozens of Danish soldiers who died alongside U.S. troops in Afghanistan and Iraq, what have the Danes really done for us lately?'''<br>Stephen Miller (from that special category of American military-age males who nevertheless somehow Perpetually Evaded the GWOT, or PEG), Marco Rubio (PEG), Don Jr. (PEG), and Eric Trump (also PEG) all agree Greenland is critical to U.S. national security, and if you have to die for it, that’s a sacrifice they are fully prepared to let you make. Be advised: Greenland, as part of Denmark, has access to the most formidable fixed and scatterable obstacles known to humankind — which, according to a redacted memo from Epstein to Trump, also double as excellent field-expedient butt plugs.
** ''Duffel Blog'', [https://www.duffelblog.com/top-10-countries-trump-will-send-you-to-attack-rather-than-release-the-epstein-files/"Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files"], 14 January 2026
* Experts sounded a dire alarm after the Trump administration pulled the plug on nearly $2 billion in substance abuse and mental health funding, leaving thousands of providers scrambling and patients in a lurch. Up to 2,800 grantees through the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration received termination letters immediately — wiping out about 26% of the agency's entire budget with zero warning, The Guardian reported Wednesday. “It feels like Armageddon for everyone who’s on the frontlines of the addiction and mental health space,” Ryan Hampton, founder of Mobilize Recovery, a national advocacy organization for people in and seeking recovery, told the outlet. “The scope of care that’s disrupted by these grants is catastrophic. Tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of people will die.”
** Daniel Hampton, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/experts-warn-trump-just-sentenced-thousands-to-death-with-2b-cut/ar-AA1UeoyZ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696895f1a2c442409efcf6f48ecb963e&ei=15/"Experts warn Trump just sentenced thousands to death with $2B cut"], ''Raw Story'', 14 January 2026
* Providers awoke to devastation that they'd be forced to conduct staff layoffs, program shutdowns, and that services would be halted immediately. The cuts axe overdose prevention, naloxone distribution, school mental health support, and help for pregnant women struggling with substance abuse. “Overnight, our entire backbone and infrastructure of addiction and mental health in this country flipped up on its head,” Hampton said. “These grants are lifesaving tools that honestly are a good reason why we have started to see a reversal in trends of drug overdoses in this country.” The move comes as overdose deaths finally dropped 27% in 2024 after two decades of climbing rates. "All of us are in a state of complete and utter shock that the administration would take such a reckless action," Hampton said. Legal challenges loom, but Hampton warned the damage is happening now. "People will die. People will die."
** Daniel Hampton, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/experts-warn-trump-just-sentenced-thousands-to-death-with-2b-cut/ar-AA1UeoyZ?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=696895f1a2c442409efcf6f48ecb963e&ei=15/"Experts warn Trump just sentenced thousands to death with $2B cut"], ''Raw Story'', 14 January 2026
* The Environmental Protection Agency is taking a major step toward changing its math to favor polluters over people: It’s going to stop tallying up the dollar value of lives saved and hospital visits avoided by air pollution regulations. Instead, the agency will consider the effects of regulations without attaching a price tag to human life. In particular, the EPA is changing how it conducts the cost-benefit analysis of regulations for two major pollutants, fine particulate matter smaller than 2.5 microns — usually referred to as PM2.5 — and ozone. The change was buried in a document published this month analyzing the economic impacts of final pollution regulations for power plants, arguing that the way the EPA historically calculated the economic benefits of regulations had too much uncertainty and gave people “a false sense of precision.” So to fix this, the EPA will stop tabulating the benefits altogether “until the Agency is confident enough in the modeling to properly monetize those impacts.” The news was first reported by the New York Times. On X, EPA administrator Lee Zeldin pushed back on the reporting, calling it “another dishonest, fake news claim” and that the agency is still considering lives saved when setting pollution limits.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&ei=10/"Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0"], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026
* I spoke with several experts, including former EPA officials, and in fact, the change could lead to worsening air quality and harm public health. The EPA exists to regulate pollution that harms people, and when it comes to things like ozone and tiny particles, there is robust evidence of the damage they can do, contributing to heart attacks and asthma attacks. Measured over populations, air pollution takes years off of people’s lives. Every year in the United States alone, air pollution pushes 135,000 people into early graves. “There is a lot of science that shows very clearly that being exposed to increasing levels of PM2.5 has significant health impacts,” said Janet McCabe, who served as the EPA’s deputy administrator under President Joe Biden.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&ei=10/"Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0"], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026
* Anytime the EPA wants to issue a new regulation — say, revising how much mercury a power plant is allowed to emit — it looks at both the costs and the benefits before finalizing the rule. The EPA adds up how much companies would likely have to spend on things like installing upgraded scrubbers in smokestacks. Then the agency estimates the economic benefit of imposing the regulation, such as more days with cleaner air or fewer workers calling out sick. The biggest benefits usually come from improving health through things like avoiding hospital visits and reducing early deaths. There is some fuzziness in the numbers on both sides of the ledger though. If a bunch of companies turn to a handful of suppliers for pollution control equipment, that could drive up compliance costs. And how exactly do you price a hypothetical emergency room trip that didn’t happen? “In my experience at EPA, there’s never a perfect estimate of costs or benefits,” McCabe said. Yet even with imperfect calculations, regulators could get a decent sense of whether the juice was worth the squeeze when it comes to a new pollution standard, and the public would get a window into how the decision was made.<br>Under the Biden administration, the EPA found that enforcing the more stringent PM2.5 regulations it issued in 2024 would add up to $46 billion in health benefits by 2032, vastly more than the cost of complying with the rule. The EPA now effectively wants to put receipts from the benefits side of the ledger through the shredder.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&ei=10/"Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0"], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026
* This change in math is part of a broader pattern at the EPA — and across the federal government — of just measuring and counting fewer things under the second Trump Administration. The EPA has already closed its Office of Research and Development, which was meant to provide the scientific basis for environmental regulations, like tracking the effects of toxic chemicals on the human body. With less data on science and economics, agencies like the EPA have less accountability for their actions as they face more pressure from the White House to cut regulations and craft policies benefiting politically favored industries. It also sets the stage for taking the teeth out of other regulations, like the Clean Air Act. The EPA has already dismantled its legal foundation for addressing climate change.<br>Joseph Goffman, who served as assistant administrator of the EPA’s air and radiation office under Biden, said this change in how the EPA calculates health benefits is part of a broader campaign against air pollution regulations. “It really illustrates what the ulterior motive is and that is to mute or mask the true impact of [particulate matter] exposure and the huge benefits that flow from reducing it,” Goffman said. “Suddenly deciding that you can’t ascribe a dollar value to reducing PM really is convenient to the point of being instrumental to Zeldin’s efforts to weaken PM standards.”<br>If the EPA never comes up with a new way to monetize the health benefits of regulations, it’s likely that improvements in air quality will stall, and air pollution could get worse. “One would anticipate that we could see PM 2.5 levels rising across the country,” Hasenkopf said.
** Umair Irfan, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/markets/trump-s-epa-is-setting-the-value-of-human-health-to-0/ar-AA1UcWiK?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968c4deab0b425b93dfafe8d228d2c2&ei=10/"Trump’s EPA is setting the value of human health to $0"], ''Vox'', 14 January 2026
* Jacqueline Smith, the outlet's ombudsman, said Stars and Stripes reports on matters important to service members and their families — not just weapons systems or war strategy — and she's detected nothing “woke” about its reporting. “I think it's very important that Stars and Stripes maintains its editorial independence, which is the basis of its credibility,” Smith said. A longtime newspaper editor in Connecticut, Smith's role was created by Congress three decades ago and she reports to the House Armed Services Committee. It's the latest move by the Trump administration to impose restrictions on journalists. Most reporters from legacy news outlets have left the Pentagon rather than to agree to new rules imposed by Hegseth that they feel would give him too much control over what they report and write. ''The New York Times'' has sued to overturn the regulations.
** David Bauder, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/defense-department-says-military-newspaper-stars-and-stripes-must-eliminate-woke-distractions/ar-AA1UiEZG?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69696be6758e4eb0ab19b9d3100aacec&ei=13/"Defense Department says military newspaper Stars and Stripes must eliminate 'woke distractions'"], ''The Associated Press'', 15 January 2026
* Trump has also sought to shut down government-funded outlets like Voice of America and Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty that report independent news about the world in countries overseas. Also this week, the administration raided the home of a ''Washington Post'' journalist as part of an investigation into a contractor accused of stealing government secrets, a move many journalists interpreted as a form of intimidation. ''The Post'' reported that applicants to ''Stars and Stripes'' were being asked how they would advance Trump's executive orders and policy priorities in the role. They were asked to identify one or two orders or initiatives that were significant to them. That raised questions about whether it was appropriate for a journalist to be given what is, in effect, a loyalty test. Smith said it was the government's Office of Personnel Management — not the newspaper — that was responsible for the question on job applications and said it was consistent with what was being asked of applicants for other government jobs. But she said it was not something that should be asked of journalists. “The loyalty is to the truth, not the administration,” she said.
** David Bauder, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/defense-department-says-military-newspaper-stars-and-stripes-must-eliminate-woke-distractions/ar-AA1UiEZG?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69696be6758e4eb0ab19b9d3100aacec&ei=13/"Defense Department says military newspaper Stars and Stripes must eliminate 'woke distractions'"], ''The Associated Press'', 15 January 2026
* Traditional conservatives are as anti-fascist as any liberal. Their political vision is derived by libertarian thinkers of past centuries, such as John Locke and Edmund Burke. Their modern philosophy was articulated by erudite commentators like William F. Buckley and George Will. Their political heroes are men like Ronald Reagan and John McCain. Today on the right, there are plenty of folks who call themselves conservatives -- they are all over social media, they fill every time slot of Fox News and they dominate the Republican Party. Yet, these claimants to a long tradition that favors limited government, the rule of law and the advancement of liberty are unquestioning supporters of a president whose actions are those of a lawless, aspiring dictator.<br>'''These people who claim to be conservatives, yet enthusiastically cheer for a man who violates the core tenets of traditional conservatism every day, should stop pretending they are something they are not and simply accept the better description of what they have become. It is a word that starts with F.'''
** David Horsey, [https://horseytoons.substack.com/p/if-it-talks-like-a-fascist-and-acts/"If it talks like a fascist and acts like a fascist, it's a fascist"], David Horsey's substack, 15 January 2026
* A 15-strong French military contingent has arrived in the Greenland capital Nuuk, officials say, as several European states send soldiers there as part of a so-called reconnaissance mission. The deployment, which will also include personnel from Germany, Sweden, Norway and the UK, comes as US President Donald Trump continues to press his claim to the Arctic island, which is a semi-autonomous part of Denmark. The deployment of European NATO allies of Denmark to Nuuk was unprecedented, said French special envoy Olivier Poivre d'Arvor, who saw it as sending a strong political signal. "This is a first exercise... we'll show the US that NATO is present."<br>Trump has doubled down on his bid to bring Greenland under US control, telling reporters in the Oval Office "we need Greenland for national security". Although he has not ruled out the use of force, he said late on Wednesday that he thought something could be worked out with Denmark.<br>"The problem is there's not a thing that Denmark can do about it if Russia or China wants to occupy Greenland, but there's everything we can do. You found that out last week with Venezuela."
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&ei=18/"Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island"], BBC, 15 January 2026
* Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk said Poland was not planning to join the European military deployment to Greenland, but warned that any US military intervention there "would be a political disaster". "A conflict or attempted annexation of the territory of a NATO member by another Nato member would be the end of the world as we know it - and which for many years guaranteed our security," he told a press conference. Russia's embassy in Belgium meanwhile expressed "serious concern" at what was unfolding in the Arctic, accusing NATO of building up a military presence there "under the false pretext of a growing threat from Moscow and Beijing". However, the European NATO deployment consists of only a few dozen personnel as part of Danish-led joint exercises called Operation Arctic Endurance. While heavy in symbolism, it was not immediately clear how long they would stay.<br>Germany was sending an A400M transport plane to Nuuk on Thursday with a contingent of 13 soldiers, although officials said they would stay in Greenland only until Saturday. Danish defence officials said they had decided with the government of Greenland that there would be an increased military presence around Greenland in the coming period to bolster Nato's "footprint in the Arctic for the benefit of both European and transatlantic security".
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&ei=18/"Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island"], BBC, 15 January 2026
* The US already has a military base in Greenland, currently staffed by up to 150 people, and has the option of bringing in far greater numbers under existing agreements with Copenhagen. But the Danish-led initiative is seen as signalling to the Trump administration that its European allies also have a stake in security in the Arctic and North Atlantic. Sweden's prime minister said Swedish army officers had been sent to Nuuk on Wednesday. Two Norwegians and one British military officer were also being sent. Downing Street said the UK shared President Trump's concern about "the security of the High North", and said the deployment involved "stepping up with stronger exercising, to deter the Russian aggression and the Chinese activity." Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen said on Thursday that defence and protection of Greenland was a common concern for the entire NATO alliance.
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&ei=18/"Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island"], BBC, 15 January 2026
* Danish Defence Minister Troels Lund Poulsen said the intention was to have a military presence "in rotation", with the aim of having a more permanent military presence on the island with foreign allies taking part in exercise and training activities. Copenhagen has disputed Trump's justification for wanting to control Greenland. Foreign Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen said on Wednesday there was no "instant threat" from China or Russia that Denmark and Greenland could not accommodate, although he shared American security concerns to some extent. A Democratic-led US delegation is due to visit Denmark on Friday for talks with Danish MPs. Rasmussen spoke alongside Greenland's foreign minister after talks with US Vice-President JD Vance and Secretary of State Marco Rubio. The Danish diplomat said the talks were "frank but constructive". He described a "fundamental disagreement" between the two sides and later criticised Trump's bid to buy Greenland.<br>"The president's ambition is on the table," the Danish diplomat told Fox News. "Of course we have our red lines. This is 2026, you trade with people but you don't trade people." Greenland's Prime Minister, Jens-Frederik Nielsen, said this week that the territory was in the midst of a geopolitical crisis, and that if his people were asked to make a choice they would choose Denmark over the US. "Greenland does not want to be owned by the United States. Greenland does not want to be governed by the United States. Greenland does not want to be part of the United States," he stressed.
** Paul Kirby, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/europe-allies-begin-greenland-military-mission-as-trump-says-us-needs-island/ar-AA1UgTRI?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6968d79738504d33839bb80beefc085f&ei=18/"Europe allies begin Greenland military mission as Trump says US needs island"], BBC, 15 January 2026
* '''Trump and his minions are energetically closing the last exit built into the system that prevents absolute dictatorship.''' They intend to orchestrate the sham elections familiar in all dictatorships, or abolish them. They are not joking. This will be the death blow to the American experiment. There will be no going back. We will become a police state. Our freedoms, already under heavy assault, will be extinguished. At that point, only mass mobilizations and strikes will thwart the solidification of the dictatorship. And such actions, as we see in Minneapolis, will be greeted with lethal state repression.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/01/20/chris-hedges-the-last-election/ "The Last Election"], Scheerpost, 19 January 2026
* Thousands took to the streets in subzero temperatures Friday afternoon to protest the Trump administration’s immigration crackdown in Minnesota. Demonstrators wore snowboots and ski goggles, passed around handwarmers and carried signs taped to hockey sticks. Protesters’s eyelashes and beards froze while they chanted “ICE out” and “Minnesota nice, but F— ICE” during a two-hour march through downtown Minneapolis. The march was part of a day of events that encouraged Minnesotans to boycott school, work and shopping in protest of the surge of Immigration and Customs Enforcement in the Twin Cities. ICE agents have been deployed en masse in Minnesota, in what the Department of Homeland Security has described as the largest operation in its history. The enforcement efforts followed a welfare-fraud scandal that put the state’s Somali community into the national spotlight.
** Mariah Timms & Jack Morphet, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-of-minnesotans-protest-ice-in-subzero-temperatures/ar-AA1UQEbY?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69748550bd2d43a586595be2a40c3645&ei=17/"Thousands of Minnesotans protest ICE in subzero temperatures"], ''Wall Street Journal'', 23 January 2026
* Vice President JD Vance visited Minneapolis on Thursday to urge local officials in the left-leaning city to cooperate with federal authorities to quell what he called “chaos.” The administration has blamed state and local officials for some of the tension. White House officials have denigrated the state’s existing policies and laws that limit cooperation with civil immigration enforcement, including refusing to house ICE detainees in local jails in many situations.<br>During demonstrations in Minneapolis on Friday, roughly 100 clergy members were arrested at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport. Mostly Christian clergy and faith leaders rallied at the airport, where they claimed planes were flying detained migrants out of the state as part of ICE’s “Operation Metro Surge,” according to Justin Lind-Ayres, a Lutheran pastor in Minneapolis. The MSP Airport Police Department confirmed officers made arrests, but didn’t immediately confirm how many. Protesters at the airport, some wearing clerical stoles draped over their shoulders, knelt while singing hymns and reciting the Lord’s Prayer in frigid conditions that dipped to a low of minus-20 degrees Fahrenheit on Friday, before being handcuffed and led away, video showed.
** Mariah Timms & Jack Morphet, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-of-minnesotans-protest-ice-in-subzero-temperatures/ar-AA1UQEbY?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69748550bd2d43a586595be2a40c3645&ei=17/"Thousands of Minnesotans protest ICE in subzero temperatures"], ''Wall Street Journal'', 23 January 2026
* Protesters at the downtown march said the huge crowds in harsh weather showed Minnesotans are serious about their wishes for the current ICE operation, and the use of force tactics the officers are employing, to end. “We’re not afraid of ICE, we’re not going to back down. We’re strong, we’re here for our neighbors, we’re here for our community,” said Brianna Verbout, 26, a Minneapolis resident. “Imagine how many people would be out here if it wasn’t negative 20.” “Who cares if you’re cold? We’re used to being cold,” Cindy Boggs, a retired church worker who has lived in Minnesota for the past 50 years, said. “We just gotta stand up and keep with it. I can’t take the cruelty that’s happening to people.”<br>Homeland Security has defended its tactics and maintained it needs to detain immigrants living in the U.S. illegally. Mass immigration enforcement was a key promise of President Trump’s campaign coming into his second term, and officials have expanded the role of agencies like U.S. Customs and Border Protection into the interior to assist with it.
** Mariah Timms & Jack Morphet, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/thousands-of-minnesotans-protest-ice-in-subzero-temperatures/ar-AA1UQEbY?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69748550bd2d43a586595be2a40c3645&ei=17/"Thousands of Minnesotans protest ICE in subzero temperatures"], ''Wall Street Journal'', 23 January 2026
* The free world exhaled on Wednesday when President Trump retreated from his administration’s threat to invade Greenland. That relief, however, masks the damage that Mr. Trump has done to America this week. Mr. Trump’s apologists once dismissed his bullying of Greenland as an attempt at humor. Instead, it has been something far darker. His immoral threats against a loyal NATO ally have escalated a crisis in U.S.-European relations, weakened one of history’s most successful alliances and hurt American interests in tangible ways.
** ''The New York Times'' Editorial Board, [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/24/opinion/trump-nato-greenland.html?smtyp=cur&smid=fb-nytimes&utm_sf_cserv_ref=5281959998&utm_sf_post_ref=658798072&fbclid=IwY2xjawPiHMJleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEevT9BCKQZMttc_GRA1X4zf15Ra11H3jgLeH1aesrftQ9y94DxRHmQyIhInbY_aem_zdyugozf18OqwWvsopsO1w/"The World Will Remember Trump’s Greenland Outburst"], 24 January 2026
* In the second Trump administration, immigration policy is made with big round numbers. There’s a formula: First the White House sets an ambitious goal—1 million deportations a year, 3,000 immigration arrests a day. Then it presses the federal workforce to meet the target. Last year, Trump officials pledged to double staffing at ICE by adding 10,000 new deportation officers by January 2026. Stephen Miller treated the recruitment drive as a priority on par with the deportation push, demanding daily updates on the pace of hiring. Immigration and Customs Enforcement held job expos in multiple cities and dangled $50,000 bonuses, student-loan forgiveness, and other perks before potential recruits.<br>Just after New Year’s Day, the Department of Homeland Security declared victory, celebrating an ICE hiring spree that “shattered expectations” and achieved a “120% Manpower Increase.” DHS said it received more than 220,000 applications (many candidates applied for three or four different jobs) and signed up 12,000 new officers, agents, and legal staff in about four months. No federal law-enforcement agency has ever expanded this fast.
** Nick Miroff, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-truth-about-ice-s-recruiting-push/ar-AA1UTSMs?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69755f9d891f4014aabdf6bf772c6a7e&ei=9/"The truth about ICE’s recruiting push"], ''The Atlantic'', 24 January 2026
* ICE veterans I’ve spoken with have concerns about the qualifications and aptitude of their new colleagues, especially those with little or no previous law-enforcement experience. Some academy classes have had dropout rates near 50 percent because so many failed the physical-fitness requirements. The Trump administration slashed the length of the training course from about five months to 47 days last summer—because Trump is the 47th president, three officials told me at the time—then cut it further. Now it’s 42 days.
** Nick Miroff, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-truth-about-ice-s-recruiting-push/ar-AA1UTSMs?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69755f9d891f4014aabdf6bf772c6a7e&ei=9/"The truth about ICE’s recruiting push"], ''The Atlantic'', 24 January 2026
* The administration also wants more ICE officers on the streets. Trump officials have brought in Border Patrol agents to act as reinforcements in cities such as Los Angeles, Chicago and now Minneapolis. Trump’s rolling campaign has generally targeted one location at a time, but the new hiring surge will give the administration enough personnel to target multiple cities at once. Trump officials say they are filling the jobs by hiring experienced law-enforcement officers from other federal agencies or state and local police departments. Many of the new hires are anxious about their career prospects at ICE once the burst of onetime funding runs out, officials at ICE and DHS told me, especially if Democrats take control of Congress.<br>One ICE official I spoke with told me that some of the new hires, especially rehired retirees, are having second thoughts. Hundreds of the returning officers have been ordered to Minnesota, two officials said, where the administration is conducting the largest-ever DHS crackdown. Some officers have been so cold and miserable that they’ve already quit, and ICE officials have held calls to figure out how to deal with the sudden resignations.<br>Returning officers who have come back from retirement are finding themselves in unfamiliar roles. They spent much of their careers trying to conduct low-key “targeted enforcement” operations in which they planned arrests in advance and sought to take suspects into custody in the safest and least dramatic way possible. Now they’re out in the streets wearing masks, with protesters yelling at them and video cameras rolling. ICE has changed, and the job isn’t the same.
** Nick Miroff, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/the-truth-about-ice-s-recruiting-push/ar-AA1UTSMs?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69755f9d891f4014aabdf6bf772c6a7e&ei=9/"The truth about ICE’s recruiting push"], ''The Atlantic'', 24 January 2026
* Most of the federal government could shut down at the end of the week. But that likely wouldn’t halt aggressive ICE and border patrol operations in Minneapolis and other parts of the country. Democrats are up in arms after Border Patrol agents fatally shot Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse and U.S. citizen, in Minneapolis over the weekend. That came after an ICE officer shot and killed Renee Good, another Minneapolis resident and citizen, in her car earlier this month.<br>Under enormous pressure from the base, Senate Democrats have vowed to block a sweeping government funding bill unless significant restrictions are imposed on the Trump administration's immigration enforcement operations.<br>With Republicans plowing ahead with a vote on the House-passed $1.2 trillion funding package later this week, a partial shutdown beginning Saturday now seems increasingly likely. Money is set to run out for the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), which oversees ICE, and many other critical agencies late Friday night.
** Scott Wong, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/most-of-the-government-could-shut-down-this-weekend-ice-operations-would-carry-on/ar-AA1V1rWv?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6978cb48d3bb4d05a60d6795f9688d96&ei=16/"Most of the government could shut down this weekend. ICE operations would carry on"], NBC News, 26 January 2026
* Yet, even if Democrats shut down the government, ICE operations aren't likely to be hindered in any meaningful way. Under DHS's shutdown plan, a GOP leadership source said, ICE employees would be considered "excepted" workers and would be required to continue showing up to work, though they, like other workers, would not get paid. On top of that, even in a shutdown, ICE would continue to have ample funding since the agency received $75 billion of additional money for detention and enforcement from Trump’s “big, beautiful bill" last year, the GOP source noted.
** Scott Wong, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/most-of-the-government-could-shut-down-this-weekend-ice-operations-would-carry-on/ar-AA1V1rWv?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6978cb48d3bb4d05a60d6795f9688d96&ei=16/"Most of the government could shut down this weekend. ICE operations would carry on"], NBC News, 26 January 2026
* If the government funding lapses at the end of the week, it would mark the second federal shutdown in four months during Trump's second term in office. Senate Democrats blocked a funding bill last fall, demanding that the GOP include an extension to expiring Obamacare tax credits. That shut the government down for 43 days — the longest shutdown in U.S. history. Eight Democrats ultimately caved, voting with Republicans to reopen the government without a deal on the health care subsidies. Polling showed Republicans shouldering more blame for the shutdown than Democrats.
** Scott Wong, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/most-of-the-government-could-shut-down-this-weekend-ice-operations-would-carry-on/ar-AA1V1rWv?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=6978cb48d3bb4d05a60d6795f9688d96&ei=16/"Most of the government could shut down this weekend. ICE operations would carry on"], NBC News, 26 January 2026
* Nearly a year ago, the Education Department sent universities and K-12 school districts scrambling with a sweeping but vague directive. The “Dear Colleague” letter said schools may be in violation of federal law if they consider race in virtually any way — hiring, discipline policy, scholarships and programming. After a lawsuit and a defeat in court, however, the Trump administration says it is dropping the matter entirely. That means an August federal court order blocking the “Dear Colleague” letter will stand. The Trump administration had also demanded that schools certify that they are in compliance with the letter, and that demand is now dead, too.<br>Still, it is unclear how significant the impact will be. The Trump administration, which made sweeping changes to education over its first year, can still work to impose its view of the law on schools through enforcement actions and other pressure. For instance, in July, the Justice Department published a memo that included many of the same ideas that were in the Education Department’s letter. Further, many schools have already changed their diversity, equity and inclusion policies, wary of running afoul of the administration’s anti-DEI stance.
** Laura Meckler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-letter-banning-dei-in-schools-is-dead-after-legal-appeal-is-dropped/ar-AA1USkjb?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69756d3d22a84125b0b92c399dc88f28&ei=11/"Trump letter banning DEI in schools is dead after legal appeal is dropped"], ''The Washington Post'', 29 January 2026
* Many schools may continue to comply with the anti-DEI directive in an effort to stave off attention from the administration, said Frederick Hess, director of education policy studies at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank. “One of the things we have seen is how reluctant institutional leaders are to get crosswise with the federal government, whether or not it’s clearly aligned with the law,” he said.<br>Either way, Hess said he was pleased that the February letter is no longer in force. That’s because he does not think those types of guidance documents should be used to make policy — something that both Democratic and Republican administrations have done in the past. “Dear Colleague letters have become a blunt instrument to move thousands of postsecondary institutions or 10,000-plus school districts in one direction or another, and I don’t think that’s an appropriate use of them,” he said. “I don’t think that’s good for anybody.”
** Laura Meckler, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/trump-letter-banning-dei-in-schools-is-dead-after-legal-appeal-is-dropped/ar-AA1USkjb?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69756d3d22a84125b0b92c399dc88f28&ei=11/"Trump letter banning DEI in schools is dead after legal appeal is dropped"], ''The Washington Post'', 29 January 2026
==== February 2026 ====
*US President [[Donald Trump]] has urged [[Republicans]] to "nationalise" elections and repeated his false claims of 2020 election fraud in a new podcast interview.<br>American elections are primarily run by state law, and voting has long been administered by local officials across the country.<br>The Republicans should say: "We want to take over. We should take over the voting in at least 15 places". The Republicans ought to nationalise the voting.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0mke841zj0o"Trump says Republicans 'should take over the voting' and 'nationalise' US elections"], ''BBC'' (3 February 2026)
* If Donald Trump’s presidency has any theme (beyond self-promotion), it’s that his "[[America First (policy)|America First]]" agenda will [[Make America Great Again]]. Unfortunately for the American people, if Trump’s maneuvers and machinations have made any nation greater, it’s been [[China]], not the [[United States]].
**[[w:Steven Greenhouse|Steven Greenhouse]] writing in [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/feb/05/donald-trump-making-china-great-again "Donald Trump is making China great again"], ''The Guardian'' (5 Feb 2026)
* Have you ever disliked the outcome of something? Don’t you wish you could change it? Of course, you can’t. The lesson has been drilled into us since childhood: You get what you get, and you don’t get upset. Unfortunately, it appears that Donald Trump and the Republican Party never received that helpful memo. Trump constantly complains about the “stolen” 2020 election to this day, even though it was quite fair. Like a child throwing a temper tantrum, he can’t resist bringing it up. But Trump’s whims are far more dangerous than child’s play, because he just might try to destroy the democratic experiment while he’s whining – and string Republicans along with him.<br>This past week, on a podcast with rightwing personality Dan Bongino, Trump called for the federal government to “nationalize” elections in several Democratic strongholds. He later claimed, “Look at some of the places – that horrible corruption on elections – and the federal government should not allow that.” Regardless of Trump’s fantasies about rigged elections, the Constitution is clear: administering elections is a power given to the states, and the federal government cannot take over voting.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/12/patricks-politics-why-voter-suppression-is-all-the-rage-on-the-right/"Why voter suppression is all the rage on the right "], ''The Daily Campus'', 12 February 2026
* The Republican Party, as ever, seems willing to dance for their ruler. In Congress, Republicans are busy sating Trump’s desire to shift how elections are run. As I’m writing this column, the SAVE America Act is coming up for a vote in the U.S. House. This act would make it significantly harder to vote, making potential voters explicitly prove their citizenship before they cast their ballots. On the surface, this might not seem like a bad idea. Why not ensure our elections are safe and secure? The bill, however, ignores that many Americans don’t carry proof of citizenship on them, such as a passport or birth certificate. It also solves a nonexistent problem; despite false claims of mass illegal voting, it is extremely rare for noncitizens to vote.<br>So then why try to pass this bill? The answer is, Republicans don’t actually want to stop voter fraud. They want to stop people from casting their ballots. They want voter suppression.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/12/patricks-politics-why-voter-suppression-is-all-the-rage-on-the-right/"Why voter suppression is all the rage on the right "], ''The Daily Campus'', 12 February 2026
* All of this attempted voter suppression is clearly aimed at preventing a Republican loss in the midterms and beyond. Trump has already laid the groundwork by continuing to protest the 2020 election results, priming his supporters to be concerned about so-called “election integrity.” Regardless of whether bills like the SAVE America Act end up getting passed, we must still be vigilant about how our rights can be restricted. Regardless of whether ICE is deployed to polling stations or not, we must remember that the threat was made. And regardless of whether Trump does attempt to nationalize elections, we know the effort to suppress voting is born out of the desire to subvert democracy and cheat the system.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/12/patricks-politics-why-voter-suppression-is-all-the-rage-on-the-right/"Why voter suppression is all the rage on the right "], ''The Daily Campus'', 12 February 2026
* Donald Trump has never been one to side with science, especially climate science. He has often spread false claims about climate change being some sort of “hoax” or “scam.” You can imagine, then, how he feels about the Environmental Protection Agency, which is supposed to help counteract the effects of climate change and – as the name suggests – keep the environment healthy. A major pillar of the EPA’s efforts pre-Trump was the 2009 “endangerment finding,” which established the government position that greenhouse gases were detrimental to human health. However, the Trump administration announced it was formally revoking the EPA’s endangerment finding last week, beginning the supposed “single largest deregulatory action in U.S. history.” This revocation goes against established fact in order to service the interests of big business and the MAGA movement’s obsession with climate change denial. It leaves the EPA adrift and powerless, unable to address the ongoing tide of global warming.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/"Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing "], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026
* The endangerment finding was built on a 2007 Supreme Court case, ''Massachusetts v. EPA'', which determined that the EPA did have the authority under the 1970 Clean Air Act to regulate greenhouse gases because of their threat to public health. This decision allowed the EPA to carry out regulatory policies to restrict emissions of these harmful gases. <br>Regulations are particularly important for transportation, which represents the largest share – 28% – of greenhouse gases released by the U.S. each year. The EPA’s own website says as much, which is deeply ironic given the Trump administration’s new policy eliminates all federal regulations on greenhouse gas emissions for vehicles and engines from 2012 onwards. These regulations help prevent companies from simply having their fossil fuel output run rampant. Eliminating the regulations would mean America is now significantly out of step with other industrialized countries, which are busy expanding their own environmental protections and renewable energy sources. Trump’s mission of deregulation represents a major step backwards, and it’s about to cast aside restrictions in an area where the U.S. is already failing to protect the environment.<br>Essentially, the Trump administration’s main argument for revoking the endangerment finding is that American taxpayers will save $1.3 trillion due to deregulation. Since the idea of cost is apparently so important to Trump, according to a federal report from 2023, climate change is costing the U.S. $150 billion per year. That is a conservative estimate that only factors in direct damages, and the number will only grow larger as temperatures and sea levels rise, setting up more frequent and more destructive extreme weather events.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/"Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing "], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026
* Yet the Trump administration ignores that cost is a highly suspect way to measure the impacts of climate change in the first place. The damage of global warming is difficult to quantify, but we know its effects will significantly affect human life for the worse. As the Earth gets hotter and more inhospitable, we are barreling towards the point of no return when our effects on the climate cannot be stopped, and that future cannot be quantified in numbers. It can only be quantified in the suffering that will result. People will have to uproot their entire lives to deal with ever-more frequent disasters and the long-term effects of global heating, especially in coastal areas where seas will rise. The country of Tuvalu, a Pacific island nation, is already trying to upload a digital copy of itself in the face of being swallowed by the rising ocean. The potential loss of an entire nation cannot be quantified, and neither can many of climate change’s adverse effects.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/"Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing "], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026
* At the heart of the Trump administration’s decision is catering to the MAGA base. For years, Trump and the rightwing media apparatus have primed Republicans to be very skeptical of climate change, or at least deny it is a pressing issue. According to surveys from Pew Research Center, just 12% of Republicans think dealing with climate change should be a top priority. Deregulation has also long been a crucial part of the Republican agenda – the Reaganite principle of trickle-down economics rests partly on deregulation of businesses. In addition, the current EPA administrator, Lee Zeldin, formerly served as a Republican U.S. House member and was previously most well-known as a Trump sycophant. He was specifically selected as a fully political, rightwing appointee.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/"Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing "], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026
* Trump’s history of spreading conspiracy theories and falsehoods about climate change has served to muddy the waters with his base about whether the climate crisis is indeed real. Global heating has been settled science for years, but Republicans have grown more indifferent towards tackling it in recent years. Since Trump first took power after winning the 2016 election, ignoring climate change has become a political cudgel, wielded against the idea of “wokeness.” All of this means gutting the EPA’s authority doesn’t hold much meaning with Republicans, but it should. The climate crisis affects both Democrats and Republicans, independents and radicals. It is a crisis for humanity itself. <br>Humanity, however, is not the Trump administration’s concern. The EPA, instead of protecting the environment and public health, is now beholden to the interests of fossil fuel corporations and purely political considerations. Without regulations, the EPA will work to increase the amount of greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, not decrease them. The agency has corrupted its mission, because without the endangerment finding, it is useless. And useless is just how Trump wants it.
** Patrick Minnerly, [https://dailycampus.com/2026/02/19/patricks-politics-without-climate-regulations-the-epa-protects-nothing/"Without climate regulations, the EPA protects nothing "], ''The Daily Campus'', 19 February 2026
*[[President Trump]] has designated the cartels as terrorist organisations and [[Mexico]] has already handed over dozens of cartel figures to them. The Trump factor is very important in what is happening
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cpd81d7y901o "Infantino sure of 'spectacular' World Cup in Mexico despite violence"], ''BBC'' (23 February 2026)
*The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war. We’re doing this not for now. We’re doing this for the future and it is a noble mission.
**[https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/us/news/trump-confirms-american-casualties-as-us-and-israel-launch-aerial-strikes-on-iran-justifies-the-noble-mission/articleshow/128879539.cms?from=mdr Trump confirms American casualties as US and Israel launch aerial strikes on Iran, justifies the ‘noble mission’] ''The Economic Times'' (February 28, 2026)
=====State of the Union address=====
*Today our border is secure, our spirit is restored, inflation is plummeting, incomes are rising fast, the roaring economy is roaring like never before, our enemies are scared, our military and police are stacked, and America is respected again, perhaps like never before....<br />I say tonight, members of Congress, the state of our Union is strong. Our country is winning again. In fact, we’re winning so much that we really don’t know what to do about it.
**State of the Union speech before Congress, [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/25/us/politics/state-of-the-union-transcript-trump.html 24 February 2026]
* Tonight I’m inviting every legislator to join with my administration in reaffirming a fundamental principle. If you agree with this statement, then stand up and show your support. The first duty of the American government is to protect American citizens. Not illegal aliens.<br />Isn’t that a shame? You should be ashamed of yourself, not standing up. You should be ashamed of yourself.
**State of the Union speech before Congress, [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/25/us/politics/state-of-the-union-transcript-trump.html 24 February 2026].
*They don’t want identification for the greatest privilege of them all: voting in America. Both Republicans and Democrats overwhelmingly agree on the policy that we just enunciated. And Congress should unite and enact this commonsense, country-saving legislation right now. And it should be before anything else happens. And the reason they don’t wanna do it, why would anybody not want voter ID? One reason! Because they wanna cheat. There’s only one reason.<br>They wanna cheat. They have cheated. And their policy is so bad that the only way they can get elected is to cheat. And we’re gonna stop it. We have to stop it.
**As quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/trump-flat-out-says-democrats-cant-be-legitimately-elected-only-way-they-can-get-elected-is-to-cheat/ Trump Flat-Out Says Democrats Can’t Be Legitimately Elected: ‘Only Way They Can Get Elected Is to Cheat’] ''Mediaite'' (February 24, 2026)
*Mrs. Zarutska, tonight I promise you we will ensure justice for your magnificent daughter [[w:Murder of Iryna Zarutska|Iryna]].<br />How do you not stand? How do you not stand?
**To members of Congress who did not stand up
==== March 2026 ====
[[File:Tehran - The Fourth Day of War 9 Avash.webp|thumb|Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat. ~ [[Chris Hedges]]]]
[[File:Naval Ensign of Germany.svg|thumb|This is not our war. We have not started it. What does [...] Trump expect a handful or two handfuls of European frigates to do in the Strait of Hormuz that the powerful U.S. Navy cannot do? ~ Boris Pistorius]]
{{Main|2026 Iran war}}
* '''Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat.'''
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026)
*I got him before he got me. I got him first.
**[[Donald Trump]] referring to former Iranian politician and Shia cleric [[Ayatollah Ali Khamenei]]; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2026/03/03/trump-assassination-attempts-iran-attack/ How Trump assassination attempts played into his decision to attack Iran] ''The Washington Post'' (March 3, 2026)
*There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER! After that, and the selection of a GREAT & ACCEPTABLE Leader(s), we, and many of our wonderful and very brave allies and partners, will work tirelessly to bring Iran back from the brink of destruction, making it economically bigger, better, and stronger than ever before.
**[[Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post five days into [[w:2026 Iran war|the war against Iran]]; [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/trump-urges-iranian-kurds-attack-iran-war-widens-2026-03-06/ Trump demands Iran's 'unconditional surrender,' complicating diplomatic paths] ''Reuters'' (March 5, 2026)
*The United Kingdom, our once Great Ally, maybe the Greatest of them all, is finally giving serious thought to sending two aircraft carriers to the Middle East. That’s OK, Prime Minister Starmer, we don’t need them any longer — But we will remember. We don’t need people that join Wars after we’ve already won!
**[[Donald Trump]] to British Prime Minister [[Keir Starmer]] informing him his help is not needed in [[w:2026 Iran war|the war against Iran]]; [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-tells-uks-starmer-thanks-but-no-thanks-on-last-minute-iran-help-war-is-already-won/ Trump Tells UK’s Starmer Thanks But No Thanks on Last-Minute Iran Help: War Is ‘Already Won!’] ''Mediaite'' (March 7, 2026)
*We took a little excursion because we felt we had to do that to get rid of some evil. And I think it's going to be a short-term excursion.
**[[Donald Trump]] to Republican lawmakers and donors, referring to [[w:2026 Iran war|the Iran war]]; [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2026/03/09/trump-house-gop-retreat-iran-war/89006813007/ Trump calls Iran war a 'little excursion'] ''USA Today'' (March 10, 2026)
*We strongly encourage other nations whose economies depend on this strait far more than ours. We get less than 1 percent of our oil from the strait and some countries get much more.<br>Japan gets 95 percent. China gets 90 percent. Many of the Europeans get quite a bit. Korea gets 35 percent. So we want them to come and help us with the strait.
**[[Donald Trump]] calling on nations to assist in opening up the [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Strait of Hormuz]] [[w:2026 Iran war|as a result of the US war with Iran]]; [https://koreajoongangdaily.joins.com/news/2026-03-17/national/defense/Trump-renews-calls-on-Korea-China-Japan-others-to-help-keep-Strait-of-Hormuz-open/2546310 Trump renews calls on Korea, China, Japan, others to help keep Strait of Hormuz open] ''Korea JoongAng Daily'' (March 17, 2026)
* '''This is not our war. We have not started it. What does [...] Trump expect a handful or two handfuls of European frigates to do in the Strait of Hormuz that the powerful U.S. Navy cannot do?'''
** German Defense Minister Boris Pistorius in response to [[Donald Trump]]'s call for other nations to assist in opening up the [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Strait of Hormuz]] [[w:2026 Iran war|as a result of the US war with Iran]]; [https://koreajoongangdaily.joins.com/news/2026-03-17/national/defense/Trump-renews-calls-on-Korea-China-Japan-others-to-help-keep-Strait-of-Hormuz-open/2546310 Trump renews calls on Korea, China, Japan, others to help keep Strait of Hormuz open] ''Korea JoongAng Daily'' (March 17, 2026)
*I do believe I’ll be the honor of – have the honor of taking Cuba. That would be good. That’s a big honor....
*Taking Cuba? In some form, yeah. I mean, whether I free it, or take it... I think I can do anything I want with it, to tell you the truth.
**[[Donald Trump]] responding on a question of his plans for [[Cuba]], quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-cuba-military-invasion-b2939753.html "Trump says he’ll have the ‘honor of taking Cuba’ and can do ‘anything I want with it’"], ''The Independent'' (17 March 2026)
*When it comes to dealing with the Americans, you have to pick and choose who you deal with and at which level. Luckily, some of the administration are easier to deal with than others. [[Marco Rubio|Rubio]] is sensible, like all Secretaries of State. [US Deputy Secretary of State Christopher] [[w:Christopher Landau|Landau]] is also useful and reasonable, as is [[Susie Wiles]], the chief of staff who was brought back to handle Trump in the second term. These people may be [[Make America Great Again|Maga]] but they are playing a game and are reasonable. The rest of them are, let’s say, challenging.
**British minister quoted in [https://inews.co.uk/news/politics/trump-obsessing-mortality-heres-why-uk-worried-4302241 "Trump is obsessing over his own mortality. Insiders fear it will damage the UK"], ''iNews'' (19 March 2026)
* '''Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people!'''
**[[Donald Trump]] on Truth Social announcing the death of [[Robert Mueller]]; [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/disgusting-and-despicable-critics-aghast-at-trump-celebrating-robert-muellers-death/ ‘Disgusting and Despicable’ Critics Aghast at Trump Celebrating Robert Mueller’s Death] ''Mediaite'' (March 21, 2026)
*If Iran doesn't FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the Strait of Hormuz, within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!
**[[Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post, threatening to escalate [[w:2026 Iran war|the war with Iran]]; [https://www.axios.com/2026/03/22/trump-iran-48-hour-ultimatum-strait-of-hormuz Trump to Iran: Open Hormuz in 48 hours or U.S. bombs power plants] ''Axios'' (March 22, 2026)
*Immediately after the targeting of power plants and infrastructure in our country, vital infrastructure and energy and oil facilities across the region will be considered legitimate targets and will be destroyed irreversibly, and oil prices will rise for a long time.
**Iranian Parliament Speaker Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf responding to [[Donald Trump]]'s threat with a threat of his own; [https://www.axios.com/2026/03/22/trump-iran-48-hour-ultimatum-strait-of-hormuz Trump to Iran: Open Hormuz in 48 hours or U.S. bombs power plants] ''Axios'' (March 22, 2026)
*BASED ON THE TENOR AND TONE OF THESE IN DEPTH, DETAILED, AND CONSTRUCTIVE CONVERSATIONS, WITCH WILL CONTINUE THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, I HAVE INSTRUCTED THE DEPARTMENT OF WAR TO POSTPONE ANY AND ALL MILITARY STRIKES AGAINST IRANIAN POWER PLANTS AND ENERGY INFRASTRUCTURE FOR A FIVE DAY PERIOD, SUBJECT TO THE SUCCESS OF THE ONGOING MEETINGS AND DISCUSSIONS.
**[[Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post backing off military threats despite Iran's foreign ministry saying there had been no talks between Iran and the U.S.; [https://www.axios.com/2026/03/23/trump-suspends-iran-strikes-hormuz-negotiations Trump says he's pausing Iran energy strikes for 5 days amid talks] ''Axios'' (March 23, 2026)
* President Trump late Sunday said there would be no deal to end the partial government shutdown until Democrats join with Republicans to pass the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility (SAVE America) Act.<br>“I don’t think we should make any deal with the Crazy, Country Destroying, Radical Left Democrats unless, and until, they Vote with Republicans to pass ‘THE SAVE AMERICA ACT,’” Trump wrote in a Truth Social post. “It is far more important than anything else we are doing in the Senate, and that includes giving these same terrible people, the Dems (who are to blame for this mess!), a Five Billion Dollar cut in ICE [Immigration and Customs Enforcement] funding, a deal which, even when disguised as something else, is unacceptable to me and the American people – UNLESS it includes their approval of Voter I.D., (with picture!), Citizenship to Vote, No Mail-In Voting (with exceptions), All Paper Ballots, No Men In Women’s Sports, and No Transgender MUTILIZATION of our precious children,” he added.<br>Trump has pressed for passage of the legislation, which would require proof of citizenship to vote and largely do away with mail-in ballots. Senate Majority Leader John Thune (R-S.D.) has repeatedly said there aren’t enough votes to get the bill over the line any time soon.
** Ashleigh Fields, [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-no-shutdown-deal-until-democrats-support-save-america-act/ar-AA1ZdPmh?ocid=msedgntp&pc=NMTS&cvid=69c15fde70bd459b9153427f1ae13714&ei=17/"Trump: No shutdown deal until Democrats support SAVE America Act"], ''The Hill'', 23 March 2026
*So, we estimated it would take approximately four to six weeks to achieve our mission [in Iran]. 26 days in, we're extremely -- really a lot ahead of schedule. The Iranian regime is now admitting to itself that they have been decisively defeated.<br>They're saying to people, this is a disaster. They know it, that's why they're talking to us. They're only -- they wouldn't talk otherwise, but they're talking to us because they've got a disaster on their hands. They're defeated. They can't make a comeback. We're free to roam over their cities and towns and destroy all of their crazy nuclear weapons and missiles and drones that they're building, and we're doing that.<br>They now have a chance to make a deal, but that's up to them and they'll tell you, 'We're not negotiating. We will not negotiate.' Of course they're negotiating, they've been obliterated. Who wouldn't negotiate? They are begging to make a deal. We'll see if we can make the right deal. And if they make the right deal, then the Strait will open up, [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Hormuz Strait]] will open up.
**[[Donald Trump]] commenting on [[w:2026 Iran war|the US war with Iran]] at a White House cabinet meeting; [https://rollcall.com/factbase/trump/transcript/donald-trump-remarks-cabinet-meeting-march-26-2026/ Remarks: Donald Trump Holds a Cabinet Meeting at the White House - March 26, 2026] ''Roll Call'' (March 26, 2026)
*I built this great military. I said, 'You'll never have to use it.' But sometimes you have to use it. And Cuba is next by the way. But pretend I didn't say that. Pretend I didn't.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] at a speech in Miami; [https://www.reuters.com/world/americas/trump-says-cuba-is-next-speech-touting-us-military-successes-2026-03-27/ Trump says 'Cuba is next' in speech touting US military successes] ''Reuters'' (March 27, 2026)
*President Trump does not bluff. He is prepared to unleash hell.<br>There does not need to be anymore death and destruction. But if Iran fails to accept the reality of the current moment, if they fail to understand that they have been defeated militarily and will continue to be, President Trump will ensure they are hit harder than they have ever been hit before.<br>Iran should not miscalculate again. Their last miscalculation cost them their senior leadership, their navy, their air force and their air defence system.<br>Any violence beyond this point will be because the Iranian regime refused to understand they have already been defeated and refuse to come to a deal.
**Statement from the White House; [https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/2188080/trump-vows-hit-iran-harder Trump vows to hit Iran 'harder than ever before' and 'unleash hell' in horror WW3 warning] ''Express'' (March 29, 2026)
*The United States of America is in serious discussions with A NEW, AND MORE REASONABLE, REGIME to end our Military Operations in Iran. Great progress has been made but, if for any reason a deal is not shortly reached, which it probably will be, and if the [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Hormuz Strait]] is not immediately “Open for Business,” we will conclude our lovely “stay” in Iran by blowing up and completely obliterating all of their Electric Generating Plants, Oil Wells and Kharg Island (and possibly all desalinization plants!), which we have purposefully not yet “touched.” This will be in retribution for our many soldiers, and others, that Iran has butchered and killed over the old Regime’s 47 year “Reign of Terror.” Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[[Donald Trump]]’s Truth Social post; [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15691265/Trump-threatens-strike-Irans-water-supply-Tehran-tears-NUKE-treaty.html Trump threatens Iran's water supply in 'war crime' ultimatum as defiant Tehran tears up nuclear treaty] ''Daily Mail'' (March 30, 2026)
* A lot of people will say it's a war crime because mostly these power plants are probably there for the civilian population. You cannot destroy civilian assets in an effort to put harm on the population.
**Retired US Army General [[Wesley Clark]] in a NewsNation interview, referring to [[Donald Trump]]'s threat to destroy Iranian infrastructure in [[w:2026 Iran war|the war with Iran]]; [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15691265/Trump-threatens-strike-Irans-water-supply-Tehran-tears-NUKE-treaty.html Trump threatens Iran's water supply in 'war crime' ultimatum as defiant Tehran tears up nuclear treaty] ''Daily Mail'' (March 30, 2026)
*All I have to do is leave Iran, and we'll be doing that very soon. And they'll become tumbling down.
**[[Donald Trump]] responding to a reporter's question about his plan to bring down gas prices that have soared amid [[w:2026 Iran war|the U.S.-Israeli war against the Islamic Republic]]; [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/trump-says-us-will-be-leaving-iran-very-soon/ar-AA1ZRvrp?gemSnapshotKey=GM4CC59522-snapshot-5&uxmode=ruby Trump says US will be leaving Iran 'very soon'] ''Yonhap News'' (March 31, 2026)
==== April 2026 ====
*Iran has been essentially decimated - the hard part is done, so it should be easy, and in any event, when this conflict is over, [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the strait]] will open up naturally; it will just open up naturally.<br>They're gonna want to be able to sell oil because that's all they have to try and rebuild. It will resume the flowing, and the gas prices will rapidly come back down. Stock prices will rapidly go back up.
**[[Donald Trump]] in speech to the nation regarding [[w:2026 Iran war|the Iran War]]; [https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/usa-news/when-this-conflict-is-over-strait-will-open-up-naturally-trump-strikes-optimistic-note-for-future-of-oil-as-prices-continue-to-rise/ "When this conflict is over, strait will open up naturally": Trump strikes optimistic note for future of oil as prices continue to rise] ''The Tribune - India'' (April 2, 2026)
*Jesus taught so many lessons through his death, burial and resurrection. He showed us great leadership, great transformation requires great sacrifice.<br>And Mr President, no one has paid the price like you have paid the price. It almost cost you your life.<br>You were betrayed and arrested and falsely accused. It’s a familiar pattern that our lord and savior showed us.<br>But it didn’t end there for him, and it didn’t end there for you.<br>God always had a plan: On the third day, he rose, he defeated evil, he conquered death, hell and the grave. And because he rose, we all know that we can rise. And sir, because of his resurrection, you rose up.<br>Because he was victorious, you are victorious. And I believe that the Lord said to tell you this: because of his victory, you will be victorious in all you put your hands to.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]’s personal spiritual adviser, televangelist [[w:Paula White-Cain|Paula White-Cain]] during an Easter lunch event at the White House; [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/paula-white-cain-spiritual-advisor-trump-jesus-christ-b2950689.html Trump’s spiritual advisor sparks backlash for comparing president’s life to Jesus Christ] ''Independent'' (April 2, 2026)
*Remember when I gave Iran ten days to MAKE A DEAL or OPEN UP [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|THE HORMUZ STRAIT]]. Time is running out - 48 hours before all Hell will reign down on them. Glory be to GOD! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post; [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/breaking-trump-holy-war-iran-36969424 Donald Trump invokes holy war as he gives final Easter Monday ultimatum to Iran] ''Mirror'' (April 4, 2026)
*Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|Open the F**kin' Strait]], you crazy b*stards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post; [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/donald-trump-iran-power-plants-36971443 Donald Trump vows to bomb Iran's power plants in foul-mouthed rant – 'Open the Strait'] ''Mirror'' (April 5, 2026)
*Erratic. Can’t finish sentences. Often confused. Illogical train of thought. Word finding difficulties. Developing and worsening gradually over time. The President is exhibiting all the signs of dementia.
**[[w:Vin Gupta (pulmonologist)|Dr. Vin Gupta]]'s post on X following [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s April 5th Truth Social post; [https://www.thedailybeast.com/top-doctor-sounds-alarm-on-trump-79-over-dementia-signs/ Top Doctor Sounds Alarm on Trump, 79, Over ‘Dementia Signs’] ''The Daily Beast'' (April 6, 2026)
*They would be willing to suffer that in order to have freedom. We’ve had numerous intercepts… 'Please keep bombing.'
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in response to a reporter's question, “You said Iranians would be mad if you stopped these attacks, but why would they want you to blow up their infrastructure to cut off their power? Wouldn't that be punishing Iranians for the actions of the regime?”; [https://people.com/donald-trump-claims-iranians-are-telling-us-to-bomb-near-homes-11943779 Donald Trump Claims Iranians Are Telling U.S. to 'Please Keep Bombing,' Even Near Their Homes] ''People'' (April 6, 2026)
*A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a Truth Social post regarding [[w:2026 Iran war|the US-Iran War]]; [https://metro.co.uk/2026/04/07/trump-warns-a-whole-civilisation-will-die-tonight-chilling-truth-social-post-27886067/ ‘A whole civilisation will die tonight’: Trump’s menacing Truth Social message in full] ''Metro'' (April 7, 2026)
*Genuinely one of the most proudly evil men of all time, Military needs to revolt. In a sane country he would be immediately removed. This is madness.
**Former Democratic congressional candidate [[w:Krystal Ball|Krystal Ball]]. One of numerous reactions to [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s April 7th Truth Social post threatening the end of Iran as a civilization; [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-2676673885/# Trump's openly 'genocidal' threat ignites global panic: 'Military needs to revolt'] ''Raw Story'' (April 7, 2026)
*Based on conversations with Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif and Field Marshal Asim Munir, of Pakistan, and wherein they requested that I hold off the destructive force being sent tonight to Iran, and subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the Strait of Hormuz]], I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s post on Truth Social; [https://abcnews.com/Politics/trump-pakistani-pms-request-extend-iran-deadline-white/story?id=131815293 How the last-minute deal between Trump and Iran unfolded] ''ABC News'' (April 7, 2026)
*We're thinking of doing it as a joint venture. It's a way of securing it -- also securing it from lots of other people. It's a beautiful thing.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] when asked whether he would allow Tehran to charge tolls for shipping through the Strait of Hormuz; [https://abcnews.com/Politics/trump-pakistani-pms-request-extend-iran-deadline-white/story?id=131815293 How the last-minute deal between Trump and Iran unfolded] ''ABC News'' (April 7, 2026)
*The Fake News Media is CRAZY, or just plain CORRUPT! The United States has completely destroyed Iran’s Military, including their entire Navy and Air Force, and everything else. Their Leadership is DEAD! The Strait of Hormuz will soon be open, and the empty ships are rushing to the United States to “load up.” But, if you listen to the Fake News, we’re losing!
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a post on Truth Social; [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/international/world-news/trump-says-strait-of-hormuz-will-be-open-soon-ships-rushing-to-us-as-iran-ceasefire-holds/articleshow/130194927.cms?from=mdr#google_vignette Trump says Strait of Hormuz 'will be open soon,' ships rushing to US as Iran ceasefire holds] ''The Economic Times'' (April 11, 2026)
* I'll pardon everyone who has come within 200 feet of the Oval [Office]
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/11/trump-mass-pardons-end-of-presidential-term "Trump reportedly says he’ll issue mass pardons at end of his presidential term"], ''The Guardian'' (April 11, 2026)
*To them we cry out: stop! It is time for peace! Sit at the table of dialogue and mediation – not at the table where rearmament is planned and deadly actions are decided.<br>Enough of the idolatry of self and money! Enough of the display of power! Enough of war! True strength is shown in serving life.
**[[w:Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo XIV]], addressing world leaders who decide to go to war, his strongest condemnation yet of [[w:2026 Iran war|the US-Israeli war with Iran]]; [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/11/pope-leo-us-israel-iran-war Pope says ‘enough of war’ and decries ‘delusion of omnipotence’ at peace vigil] ''The Guardian'' (April 11, 2026)
*Effective immediately, the United States Navy, the Finest in the World, will begin the process of BLOCKADING any and all Ships trying to enter, or leave, [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the Strait of Hormuz]]. At some point, we will reach an “ALL BEING ALLOWED TO GO IN, ALL BEING ALLOWED TO GO OUT” basis, but Iran has not allowed that to happen by merely saying, “There may be a mine out there somewhere,” that nobody knows about but them. THIS IS WORLD EXTORTION, and Leaders of Countries, especially the United States of America, will never be extorted. I have also instructed our Navy to seek and interdict every vessel in International Waters that has paid a toll to Iran. No one who pays an illegal toll will have safe passage on the high seas. We will also begin destroying the mines the Iranians laid in the Straits. Any Iranian who fires at us, or at peaceful vessels, will be BLOWN TO HELL!
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] in a post on Truth Social; [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/04/12/trump-iran-war-strait-of-hormuz.html Trump says U.S. will blockade Strait of Hormuz after Iran peace talks fail] ''CNBC'' (April 12, 2026)
*[[w:Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo]] is WEAK on Crime, and terrible for Foreign Policy. He talks about “fear” of the Trump Administration, but doesn’t mention the FEAR that the Catholic Church, and all other Christian Organizations, had during COVID when they were arresting priests, ministers, and everybody else, for holding Church Services, even when going outside, and being ten and even twenty feet apart… I don’t want a Pope who thinks it’s terrible that America attacked Venezuela, a Country that was sending massive amounts of Drugs into the United States and, even worse, emptying their prisons, including murderers, drug dealers, and killers, into our Country. And I don’t want a Pope who criticizes the President of the United States because I’m doing exactly what I was elected, IN A LANDSLIDE, to do, setting Record Low Numbers in Crime, and creating the Greatest Stock Market in History. Leo should be thankful because, as everyone knows, he was a shocking surprise. He wasn’t on any list to be Pope, and was only put there by the Church because he was an American, and they thought that would be the best way to deal with President Donald J. Trump. If I wasn’t in the White House, Leo wouldn’t be in the Vatican. Unfortunately, Leo’s Weak on Crime, Weak on Nuclear Weapons, does not sit well with me, nor does the fact that he meets with Obama Sympathizers like David Axelrod, a LOSER from the Left, who is one of those who wanted churchgoers and clerics to be arrested. Leo should get his act together as Pope, use Common Sense, stop catering to the Radical Left, and focus on being a Great Pope, not a Politician. It’s hurting him very badly and, more importantly, it’s hurting the Catholic Church!
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]’s post on Truth Social; [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-pope-leo-weak-on-crime-tells-him-to-get-his-act-together-11818413 Trump Calls Pope Leo ‘Weak on Crime,’ Tells Him to ‘Get His Act Together’] ''Newsweek'' (April 12, 2026)
*To put my message on the same plane as what [[w:Donald Trump|the president]] has attempted to do here, I think is not understanding what the message of the Gospel is. And I’m sorry to hear that but I will continue on what I believe is the mission of the church in the world today.<br>I will not enter into debate. The things that I say are certainly not meant as attacks on anyone. The message of the Gospel is very clear: ‘Blessed are the peacemakers.’<br>I will not shy away from announcing the message of the Gospel and inviting all people to look for ways of building bridges of peace and reconciliation, and looking for ways to avoid war any time that’s possible.<br>I’m not afraid of the Trump administration or of speaking out loudly about the message of the Gospel, which is what the Church works for.<br>We are not politicians. We do not look at foreign policy from the same perspective that he may have. I will continue to speak out strongly against war, seeking to promote peace, promoting dialogue and multilateralism among states to find solutions to problems.<br>Too many people are suffering today, too many innocent people have been killed, and I believe someone must stand up and say that there is a better way.
**[[w:Pope Leo XIV|Pope Leo XIV]] quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-pope-leo-xiv-02f6b4554ea4b83af02af15987ae1f2d Pope Leo says he does not fear Trump, citing Gospel as he pushes back in feud over Iran war] ''Mediaite'' (April 13, 2026)
*I don’t know if [[w:Donald Trump|the President]] thought he was being funny or if he is under the influence of some substance or what possible explanation he could have for this OUTRAGEOUS blasphemy. But he needs to take this down immediately and ask for forgiveness from the American people and then from God.
**[[w:Megan Basham|Megan Basham]], a conservative Protestant Christian writer and commentator, referring to a subsequently deleted Truth Social post by Donald Trump of [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/13/trump-ai-image-christ-like-figure-backlash an AI-generated image in the style of a painting], depicting him in a long white robe; in one hand holding an orb glowing with light; his other hand resting on the forehead of a man in what resembles a hospital bed — light beaming from the man’s head as Trump appears to pray for his healing; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2026/04/13/trump-jesus-religious-conservatives/ Trump post appearing to depict himself as Jesus sparks backlash from religious right] ''The Washington Post'' (April 13, 2026)
*I did post (the cartoon image of himself), and I thought it was me as a doctor, and had to do with the Red Cross, as a Red Cross worker there, which we support.<br>Only the fake news could come up with that one. I just heard about it, and I said how did they come up with that? It’s supposed to be me as a doctor, making people better and I do make people better.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]]'s response when asked by a reporter if he posted [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/13/trump-ai-image-christ-like-figure-backlash the picture of himself as Jesus Christ]; [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5829046-trump-doctor-red-cross/ Trump on AI Jesus image: ‘I thought it was me as a doctor’] ''The Hill'' (April 13, 2026)
*Now we can, of course, have disagreements about whether this or that conflict is just, but I think in the way that it’s important for the vice president of the United States to be careful when I talk about matters of public policy, I think it’s very, very important for [[w:Pope Leo XIV|the pope]] to be careful when he talks about matters of theology.<br>But I think one of the issues here is that if you’re going to opine on matters of theology, you’ve got to be careful. You’ve got to make sure it’s anchored in the truth, and that’s one of the things that I try to do, and it’s certainly something I would expect from the clergy, whether they’re Catholic or Protestant.
**[[w:JD Vance|Vice President JD Vance]] speaking at a Turning Point USA event in Athens, Georgia; [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/trump-administration/vance-warns-pope-careful-talking-theology-rcna331881 Vance warns the pope should 'be careful' when talking about theology] ''NBC News'' (April 15, 2026)
*<i>Reporter</i>: Okay, and then on gas prices, how much longer will Americans continue to see these high gas prices?<br><i>Donald Trump</i>: Well, they’re not very high. If you look at what they were supposed to be in order to get rid of a nuclear weapon, with the danger that entails, so the gas prices have come down very much over the last three, four days...<br><i>Reporter</i>: $4 a gallon still.<br><i>Trump</i>: I know, you know, that’s what ABC says, but the fact is that if you look, the stock market’s up, everything is doing really well. And the big thing we have to do is we have to make sure that Iran does not have a nuclear weapon, because if they do, you want to talk about problems, you’d have problems. So, very important is that Iran does not have a nuclear weapon, and they’ve agreed to that. Iran’s agreed to it, and they’ve agreed to do it very powerfully.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] during Q&A with reporters; [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-says-gas-prices-are-not-very-high-when-asked-when-americans-can-expect-relief/ Trump Says Gas Prices Are ‘Not Very High’ When Asked When Americans Can Expect Relief] ''Mediate'' (April 16, 2026)
*You notice that we’re doing very well, and I will say the war in Iran is going along swimmingly. We can do whatever we want. And it should be ending pretty soon. It was perfect.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] speaking in Las Vegas, Nevada; [https://www.aa.com.tr/en/americas/trump-says-us-very-close-to-making-iran-deal-as-two-week-ceasefire-nears-end/3908502 Trump says US ‘very close’ to making Iran deal as two-week ceasefire nears end] ''Anadolu Ajansi'' (April 16, 2026)
*Millions of American small businesses, including corner stores... What is a 'corner store'? I've never heard that term. I know what a corner store is but I've never heard it described-- a corner store. Who the hell wrote that?
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] speaking at an event in Las Vegas on the economy [https://www.ms.now/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-corner-store-las-vegas-ballroom Baffled by his own ‘corner store’ reference, Trump’s problems with groceries persist] ''MS NOW'' (April 17, 2026)
*Trump, by imposing a siege and violating the ceasefire, seeks to turn this negotiating table – in his own imagination – into a table of surrender or to justify renewed warmongering.<br>We do not accept negotiations under the shadow of threats.<br>In the past two weeks, we have prepared to reveal new cards on the battlefield.
**Mohammad-Bagher Ghalibaf, speaker of Islamic Republic of Iran’s Parliament, on the approaching end of the two-week ceasefire in [[w:2026 Iran war|the US-Iran War]]; [https://www.the-sun.com/news/16250661/iran-negotiator-ready-reveal-cards-war-ceasefire/ 'NEVER SURRENDER' Iran’s chief negotiator comes out swinging as he says regime is ready to reveal ‘new cards for the battlefield’] ''The Sun'' (April 20, 2026)
*We have control over [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|this Strait]]. If the United States continues on its current course, no vessels will pass through the Strait of Hormuz. We are not engaged in negotiations -- rather, we are making demands.
**Hamidreza Hajibabaei, the deputy speaker of Iran's parliament; [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/iran-says-1st-strait-of-hormuz-toll-revenues-banked/ar-AA21yg1U Iran says 1st Strait of Hormuz toll revenues banked] ''MSN'' (April 23, 2026)
*So, I've done that (taken out Iran's military) within the period of time that I mentioned, but I don't want to rush myself. You know because every story says, 'Oh, Trump is under time pressure.' I'm not, no no. You know who's under time pressure? They are. Because if they don't get their oil moving, their whole oil infrastructure's going to explode.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] speaking to reporters at a White House news conference; [https://thenationaldesk.com/news/politics/you-are-such-a-disgrace-trump-rips-reporter-says-hes-not-rushing-to-end-war-with-iran-conflict-gas-prices-gasoline-oil-strait-of-hormuz-nuclear-weapon-military-us-troops 'You are such a disgrace': Trump rips reporter, says he's not rushing to end war with Iran] ''The National News Desk'' (April 23, 2026)
*We were in Vietnam for 18 years. We were in Iraq for many, many years. I’ve been doing this for six weeks and their military is totally defeated. I don’t want to rush myself.<br>I don’t want to rush it because you guys are trying to make us look as bad as possible. I don’t want to rush it. I want to take my time, we have plenty of time and I want to get a great deal.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] responding to a reporter regarding when a peace deal will be made with Iran; [https://www.thetimes.com/us/news-today/article/trump-iran-war-vietnam-cnvgl9ndk Trump cites Vietnam vowing ‘no rush’ to make peace with Iran] ''The Times'' (April 23, 2026)
*Our first lady Melania is here. Look at her, so beautiful. Mrs Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.
**[[w:Jimmy Kimmel|Jimmy Kimmel]] joking on his show that [[w:Melania Trump|Melania Trump]] had 'the glow of an expectant widow'; [https://news.meaww.com/brian-kilmeade-questions-melanias-response-to-kimmel-i-dont-think-she-checked-with-president Brian Kilmeade questions Melania’s response to Kimmel: ‘I don’t think she checked with president’] ''MEAWW'' (April 27, 2026)
*Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His monologue about my family isn’t comedy- his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America.
**[[w:Melania Trump|Melania Trump]] responding to [[w:Jimmy Kimmel|Jimmy Kimmel's]] joke, that she had "a glow like an expectant widow" following the attempted shooting of President Trump at the White House Correspondence Dinner; [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/trump-accuses-jimmy-kimmel-call-213000925.html Trump Accuses Jimmy Kimmel Of ‘Call To Violence’] ''Yahoo! Entertainment'' (April 27, 2026)
*Wow, Jimmy Kimmel, who is in no way funny as attested to by his terrible Television Ratings, made a statement on his Show that is really shocking.... He stated, “Our First Lady, Melania, is here. Look at Melania, so beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow."... I appreciate that so many people are incensed by Kimmel’s despicable call to violence, and normally would not be responsive to anything that he said but, this is something far beyond the pale. Jimmy Kimmel should be immediately fired by Disney and ABC.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] on ''Truth Social'' a day after shooting at the White House Correspondents Dinner; [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/trump-accuses-jimmy-kimmel-call-213000925.html Trump Accuses Jimmy Kimmel Of ‘Call To Violence’] ''Yahoo'' (April 27, 2026)
*The Iranians are obviously very skilled at negotiating, or rather, very skilful at not negotiating, letting the Americans travel to Islamabad and then leave again without any result.<br>An entire nation is being humiliated by the Iranian leadership, especially by these so-called Revolutionary Guards. And so I hope that this ends as quickly as possible.<br>If I had known that it would continue like this for five or six weeks and get progressively worse, I would have told [Donald Trump] even more emphatically [about Merz' skepticism of going to war with Iran].
**Germany’s Chancellor [[w:Friedrich Merz|Friedrich Merz]] speaking in North Rhine-Westphalia; [https://www.wionews.com/world/-an-entire-nation-is-humiliated-by-german-chancellor-questions-us-exit-strategy-in-iran-war-1777296898392/amp ‘An entire nation is humiliated by....’: German Chancellor questions US exit strategy in Iran war] ''WION'' (April 27, 2026)
*Iran has just informed us that they are in a 'State of Collapse.' They want us to 'Open [[w:2026 Strait of Hormuz crisis|the Hormuz Strait]],' as soon as possible, as they try to figure out their leadership situation (Which I believe they will be able to do!)
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] post on ''Truth Social''; [https://www.reuters.com/world/trump-says-iran-wants-us-open-hormuz-strait-soon-possible-2026-04-28/ Trump says Iran wants US to open Hormuz Strait as soon as possible] ''Reuters'' (April 28, 206)
*[My mother] came to America at 19, met my incredible father, we loved him so much, we all loved him, we loved her, we loved him: Fred. And, they were married for 63 years.<br>And, [turning to [[w:Melania Trump|Melania Trump]]] uh, excuse me, if you don’t mind, that’s a record we won’t be able to match, darling. I’m sorry, it’s just not going to work out that way. We’ll do well, but we’re not going to do that well.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] making a joke about his own mortality during a speech honoring King Charles' visit to the United States; [https://globemagazine.com/president-donald-trump-says-marriage-to-melania-wont-be-able-to-match-his-parents-love-story/ President Donald Trump Says Marriage to Melania ‘Won’t Be Able to Match’ His Parents’ Love Story] ''Globe'' (April 28, 2026)
* I think there is probably one country that has a special relationship with the [[United States]], and that is probably [[Israel]].
** Britain’s ambassador to Washington {{w|Christian Turner}} quoted in [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/america-only-special-relationship-probably-205610640.html "America’s only special relationship is ‘probably Israel,’ says British ambassador to US in leaked comments"] ''CNN'' (April 29, 2026)
*We’ve already won [the Iran War], but I want to win by a bigger margin. But we have. We have destroyed their navy, destroyed their air force, destroyed all of their — if you look at their anti-aircraft equipment, their radar equipment, their leadership, their leadership is destroyed. We’ve destroyed everything. If we leave right now, it would take them 20 years to rebuild if they ever could rebuild. But it’s actually not good enough. We have to have guarantee they will never have a nuclear weapon.
**[[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]] when asked by [[w:Greta Van Susteren|Greta Van Susteren]] "Haven't you already won?" regarding the Iran War; [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump/trump-claims-weve-already-won-the-iran-war-but-i-want-to-win-by-a-bigger-margin/ Trump Claims ‘We’ve Already Won’ the Iran War But ‘I Want to Win By a Bigger Margin’] ''Mediaite'' (April 30, 2026)
==See also==
* [[First presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[President of the United States]]
* [[J.D. Vance]]
* [[Immigration to the United States]]
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
[[Category:Donald Trump]]
[[Category:Politics of the United States]]
[[Category:Presidency of Donald Trump]]
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[[File:The Cherry Tree of Priest Saigyo LACMA M.80.219.44 (cropped).jpg|thumb|In a dream I saw<br>the winds of spring scattering<br>the cherry blossoms—<br>and after I woke, the sound<br>was still rustling in my breast.]]
'''[[w:Saigyo|Saigyo]]''' (西行; 1118–1190) was a [[w:Japanese poetry|Japanese poet]] of the late [[w:Heian period|Heian]] and early [[w:Kamakura period|Kamakura period]].
==Quotes==
* The pathway I marked<br>when last year I made my way<br>into [[w:Mount Yoshino|Yoshino]]—<br>I abandon now to visit<br>blossoms I have not yet seen.
** ''Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology'' (1991), Steven D. Carter
* What's to be done?<br>I thought I was past caring<br>for the spring<br>but my frozen water pipe<br>has made me long for it again
** ''Gazing at the Moon: Buddhist Poems of Solitude'' (2021), McKinney, M.
[[File:Salida Luna - Villa Gesell.JPG|thumb|right|Let me not spend my life<br>lamenting the world’s sorrows<br>for above<br>in the wide sky<br>the moon shines pure]]
* Let me not spend my life<br>lamenting the world’s sorrows<br>for above<br>in the wide sky<br>the moon shines pure
** ''Gazing at the Moon: Buddhist Poems of Solitude'' (2021), McKinney, M.
* That spring long ago<br>at Naniwa in Tsu—<br>was it all a dream?<br>Now only dead leaves on the reeds<br>rustle in the passing wind.
** ''Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology'' (1991), Steven D. Carter
[[File:EB1911 Japan - Landscape in snow.jpg|thumb|How I delight<br>in this well-timed snow<br>that buries the mountain path<br>behind me as I enter<br>intent on long seclusion]]
* That one back home<br>whom I promised to think about<br>when I saw the moon:<br>on this night perhaps she too<br>will be soaking her sleeves with tears.
** ''Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology'' (1991), Steven D. Carter
* How I delight<br>in this well-timed snow<br>that buries the mountain path<br>behind me as I enter<br>intent on long seclusion
** ''Gazing at the Moon: Buddhist Poems of Solitude'' (2021), McKinney, M.
* This is what I want:<br>to die in the springtime,<br>beneath the blossoms—<br>midway through the Second Month,<br>when the moon is at the full.
** ''Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology'' (1991), Steven D. Carter
* In a dream I saw<br>the winds of spring scattering<br>the cherry blossoms—<br>and after I woke, the sound<br>was still rustling in my breast.
** ''Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology'' (1991), Steven D. Carter
[[File:Sakura guerdon (cropped).jpg|thumb|The cherries'<br>only fault:<br>the crowds<br>that gather<br>when they bloom.]]
* The cherries'<br>only fault:<br>the crowds<br>that gather<br>when they bloom.
** ''Early Modern Japanese Literature: An Anthology, 1600-1900'' (2008)
* It creates a heart<br>even in those among us<br>who think of themselves<br>as indifferent to all things—<br>the world. this first wind of autumn.
** ''Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology'' (1991), Steven D. Carter
* If not for solitude,<br>how dismal my life would be!
** ''Traditional Japanese Poetry: An Anthology'' (1991), Steven D. Carter
* Even a person<br>free of passion<br>would be moved to sadness:<br>autumn evening in a marsh<br>where snipes fly up.
** ''Saigyo: Poems of a Mountain Home'', 1991, Watson, Burton, New York: Columbia University Press, p. 81
[[File:Hokusai-fuji-koryuu.png|thumb|right|Trailing on the wind,<br>the smoke of [[w:Mount Fuji|Mount Fuji]]<br>fades in the sky,<br>moving like my thoughts<br>toward some unknown end]]
* 風になびく<br>富士の煙の<br>空にきえて<br>ゆくへも知らぬ<br>わが思ひかな<br>''kaze ni nabiku<br>fuji no keburi no<br>sora ni kiete<br>yukue mo shiranu<br>waga omoi kana''
** Just as smoke drifts on the winds over [[w:Mount Fuji|Mount Fuji]],<br>Only to vanish – whither no one knows –<br>So, too, does my soul wander on.
*** ''The Literature of Mt Fuji: Japanese Classical Literature'', Chuo University (2017)
** The wisps of smoke from Fuji<br>yield to the wind and lose themselves<br>in sky, in emptiness,<br>which takes as well the aimless passions<br>that through my life burned deep inside.
*** William R. Lafleur, ''Awesome Nightfall: The Life, Times, and Poetry of Saigyō'' (2012)
** Trailing on the wind,<br>the smoke of Mount Fuji<br>fades in the sky,<br>moving like my thoughts<br>toward some unknown end
*** Burton Watson, ''Saigyo: Poems of a Mountain Home'' (1991)
==Quotes about==
* The poet Saigyo<br>Would have written a poem<br>Even for the woman<br>Washing potatoes.
** [[Matsuo Basho]], as quoted in ''Basho, Plodding in Saigyo's Footsteps'' by Meng-hu, Simply Haiku: A Quarterly Journal of Japanese Short Form Poetry, Winter 2005, vol. 3., no. 4
* The fact that Saigyō composed the poem that begins, "I shall be unhappy without loneliness," shows that he made loneliness his master. He also wrote:<br><blockquote>''In the mountain village<br>who are you calling, yobuko-bird?<br>I thought you lived alone.''</blockquote><br>There's nothing so intriguing as living alone.
** Matsuo Basho, Robert Hass (1994) ''The Essential Haiku: Versions of Bashō, Buson, and Issa''
* Truly fine poetry sits uncomfortably under any label. Yet, as long as qualifiers do not overwhelm what is universal in the poetry to which they have been attached, they can have value. To forbid any reference to [[Dante]] or [[Milton]] as "Christian poets" would be to deny something of central importance in the sensibilities and writing of both men. And in a similar fashion we may refer to Saigyo as Japan's foremost "Buddhist" poet—and do so without short-changing what is universal in his verse.
** William R. Lafleur, ''Awesome Nightfall: The Life, Times, and Poetry of Saigyō'' (2012)
==See also==
* [[Shotetsu]]
* [[Fujiwara no Teika]]
* [[Basho]]
* [[Kobayashi Issa]]
* [[Masaoka Shiki]]
==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
[[Category:Poets from Japan]]
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* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
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* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
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* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
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* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
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* I got my things and left.
* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
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'''Dambudzo Marechera'''
* I got my things and left.
* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
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'''Dambudzo Marechera'''
==The House of Hunger==
* I got my things and left.
* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
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'''Dambudzo Marechera'''
===The House of Hunger===
* I got my things and left.
* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
gatpx82kikray8zb2q6npm924b85uvz
3935198
3935196
2026-05-01T00:13:59Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* The House of Hunger */
3935198
wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''Dambudzo Marechera'''
==Quotes==
Getting out of the House of Hunger is easy if you know that there is a way out. It’s about education and ignoring the poverty around you. It’s very selfish. Reading is what taught me that there was another world out there and I wanted to break into it
===The House of Hunger===
* I got my things and left.
* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
qmyumdcqhxo8fzr8hlda287tas0kb0m
3935199
3935198
2026-05-01T00:14:17Z
Dronebogus
3078761
/* Quotes */
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wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''Dambudzo Marechera'''
==Quotes==
Getting out of the House of Hunger is easy if you know that there is a way out. It’s about education and ignoring the poverty around you. It’s very selfish. Reading is what taught me that there was another world out there and I wanted to break into it.
* https://tafadzwatich.wordpress.com/tag/dambudzo-marechera-biography/
===The House of Hunger===
* I got my things and left.
* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
mysbnjjdjs3u6c3cryd8wms9j357h7l
3935200
3935199
2026-05-01T00:15:23Z
Dronebogus
3078761
3935200
wikitext
text/x-wiki
'''Dambudzo Marechera'''
https://therumpus.net/2009/11/18/drew-johnson-the-last-book-i-loved-the-house-of-hunger/
==Quotes==
Getting out of the House of Hunger is easy if you know that there is a way out. It’s about education and ignoring the poverty around you. It’s very selfish. Reading is what taught me that there was another world out there and I wanted to break into it.
* https://tafadzwatich.wordpress.com/tag/dambudzo-marechera-biography/
===The House of Hunger===
* I got my things and left.
* A writer drew a circle in the sand and stepping into it said “This is my novel,” but the circle, leaping, cut him clean through…
* That rain: it chattered its sharp little teeth; it foamed at the mouth against everything. The argument of it left us stunned.
* People were moving about the room. Edmund farted and Stephen shouted something about Kwame Nkrumah. The girls had already gone. Most of the boys soon left. Something fell onto the open pages of my book; I choked back my scream when I realized what it was and swiveled round in anger. Tricks again! Harry was laughing sympathetically.<br>‘It won’t tempt you. It’s not real, man,’ Harry said.<br>And he reached forward to retrieve his rubber snake.
* I do not quite know what happened next. Something seemed to split my mind open. The floor rushed rapidly upwards to meet me; out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry rushing anxiously towards me. I opened my mouth to say something. There was this dark pit. I was falling gently into it. A tiny star erupted and the flying sparks of its minute explosion and the overpowering smell of blood woke me hours later. My head seemed encased in a fiendish ice-hold; but when I explored with my hand, ripping off the bandages and feeling around the wet stinging wound, it was only the cold cold stitches they had used on the gash. Stitches enough to weave webs from the one wall of my mind to the wall of the House of Hunger.
rx4w948uro9rarl7q3p0a9re01uqx5t
User:Saroj/100wikiquotedays
2
304879
3935248
3934914
2026-05-01T04:10:05Z
Saroj
2925457
+
3935248
wikitext
text/x-wiki
I am taking on a personal challenge to create at least one article every day for 100 days. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:48, 7 March 2026 (UTC)
# [[Margaret Qualley]], American actress. 7 March 2026
# [[Sabrina Carpenter]], American singer, songwriter, and actress. 8 March 2026
# [[Materialists (film)|''Materialists'' (film)]], 2025 film by [[Celine Song]]. 9 March 2026
# ''[[We Live in Time]]'', 2024 film by John Crowley. 10 March 2026
# ''[[Cha Cha Real Smooth]]'', 2022 film by Cooper Raiff. 11 March 2026
# [[Balen Shah]], Nepalese rapper and politician. 12 March 2026
# [[Sydney Sweeney]], American actress. 13 March 2026
# [[Eternity (2025 film)|''Eternity'' (2025 film)]], 2025 film by David Freyne. 14 March 2026
# [[Alia Bhatt]], British actress. 15 March 2026
# ''[[Uncut Gems]]'', 2019 film by the Safdie brothers. 16 March 2026
# [[Ejae]], South Korean and American singer and songwriter. 17 March 2026
# [[Gracie Abrams]], American singer and songwriter. 18 March 2026
# [[Sara Arjun]], Indian actress. 19 March 2026
# [[Maya Hawke]], American actress and singer-songwriter. 20 March 2026
# [[Tate McRae]], Canadian singer, songwriter, and dancer. 21 March 2026
# [[Dakota Johnson]], American actress. 22 March 2026
# [[August Ames]], Canadian pornographic actress. 23 March 2026
# [[Amy Adams]], American actress. 24 March 2026
# [[Alexandra Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 25 March 2026
# [[Andrea Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 26 March 2026
# [[Rachel Zegler]], American actress and singer. 27 March 2026
# [[Amybeth McNulty]], Irish and Canadian actress. 28 March 2026
# [[Robert Pattinson]], English actor. 29 March 2026
# [[Emily Willis]], American pornographic actress. 30 March 2026
# [[Sofia Carson]], American actress and singer. 31 March 2026
# [[Lola Tung]], American actress. 1 April 2026
# [[Charli XCX]], British singer. 2 April 2026
# [[Yami Gautam]], Indian actress. 3 April 2026
# [[Lily James]], English actress. 4 April 2026
# [[Maude Apatow]], American actress. 5 April 2026
# [[Pokimane]], Moroccan and Canadian streamer and YouTuber. 6 April 2026
# [[MrBeast]], American YouTuber. 7 April 2026
# [[Sophia Lillis]], American actress. 8 April 2026
# [[Cailee Spaeny]], American actress. 9 April 2026
# [[Milly Alcock]], Australian actress. 10 April 2026
# [[Alexa Demie]], American actress. 11 April 2026
# [[Austin Butler]], American actor. 12 April 2026
# [[Rosé (singer)|Rosé]], New Zealand and South Korean singer. 13 April 2026
# [[Barry Keoghan]], Irish actor. 14 April 2026
# [[Jessie Buckley]], Irish actress and singer. 15 April 2026
# [[Úrsula Corberó]], Spanish actress. 16 April 2026
# [[Nischal Basnet]], Nepalese film director and actor. 17 April 2026
# [[Ram Charan]], Indian actor. 18 April 2026
# [[Farhan Akhtar]], Indian actor, filmmaker and singer. 19 April 2026
# [[Sajal Aly]], Pakistani actress. 20 April 2026
# [[Kajal Aggarwal]], Indian actress. 21 April 2026
# [[Zac Efron]], American actor. 22 April 2026
# [[Sara Ali Khan]], Indian actress. 23 April 2026
# [[Katrina Kaif]], British actress. 24 April 2026
# [[Vikram (actor)|Vikram]], Indian actor. 25 April 2026
# [[Nicole Wallace]], Spanish actress. 26 April 2026
# [[Aneet Padda]], Indian actress. 27 April 2026
# [[Michael (2026 film)|''Michael'' (2026 film)]], 2026 American film directed by Antoine Fuqua. 28 April 2026
# [[Ryan Gosling]], Canadian actor. 29 April 2026
# [[Diljit Dosanjh]], Indian singer and actor. 30 April 2026
# [[John Abraham]], Indian actor and film producer. 1 May 2026
q5u6cviaqd2mvez0f4wzrzw2ppqn40x
The Boys (TV series)/Season 5
0
306167
3935258
3934870
2026-05-01T05:26:05Z
Bicam3ralMind
2956799
/* "One-Shots" [5.05] */
3935258
wikitext
text/x-wiki
{{italic title}}
----
:'''Season''' [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 1|1]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 2|2]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 3|3]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 4|4]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 5|5]] [[The Boys (TV series)|Main]]
----
'''''[[w:The Boys (TV series)|The Boys]]''''' is an American superhero television series developed by Eric Kripke for [[w:Amazon Prime Video|Amazon Prime Video]]. Based on the comic book of the same name by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson, it follows the eponymous team of vigilantes as they combat superpowered individuals who abuse their abilities.
===''"Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite"'' [5.01]===
:''[Homelander meets with Sister Sage after the Flight 37 video gets leaked to the public by Annie]''
:'''Sister Sage''': We knew this would happen sooner or later. We've been ready. In the last 24 hours, we have flooded the zone with so much disinformation, people can't tell their clit from their collarbone. The share price is only down half a point. Besides that, damage is minimal.
:'''Homelander''': ''[points at open book]'' What's this?
:'''Sister Sage''': That is a Gutenberg Bible. Martin Shkreli sold it to me at discount.
:'''Homelander''': You're really on top of the world, huh? Peter Thiel, the Obamas calling you for advice. Everyone loves you.
:'''Sister Sage''': You can't really think I care.
:'''Homelander''': Maybe you didn't used to.
:'''Sister Sage''': It's all for you. The higher the share price, the happier the billionaires. The more you get to do whatever the fuck you wanna do.
:'''Homelander''': Are you aware that NNC is calling me a murderer? Saying that maybe I even did something to my son?
:'''Sister Sage''': No. Everyone knows that Ryan is... ''[sighs]'' Sorry. That he is at boarding school. In Svalbard. ''[chuckling]'' That story's holding. We're good.
:'''Homelander''': And how–how about you, Sage? Are you… good?
:'''Sister Sage''': I'm fine.
:'''Homelander''': You're not distracted at all? After Thomas Godolkin dumped you? You're not numbing the heartache by stabbing your brain?
:'''Sister Sage''': No.
:'''Homelander''': Then, just tell me. How did Starlight get in the building? ''[beat; exhales]'' I WAS '''HUMILIATED!''' As if people don't hate me enough!
:'''Sister Sage''': Your numbers are north of 96.
:'''Homelander''': Anyone can smile for the pollsters, sure, but millions of them are still Starlighters in their hearts! Where it counts! Have you seen the memes? Have you seen the memes about me?! ''[brief pause]'' Posting them should be a crime.
:'''Sister Sage''': Yes, but we can't go... ''[notices Homelander glaring at her]'' Oh, you're serious. Uh, sir... ''[chuckles]'' Ongoing conflict is useful to us. It keeps people afraid…
:'''Homelander''': Shut up.
:'''Sister Sage''': …which is exactly what we–
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no, no, no! NO! You promised me Caesar.
:'''Sister Sage''': He was stabbed by his best friends.
:'''Homelander''': Yeah? Well, I can relate to that. But I need people to be devoted! To '''me!'''
:'''Sister Sage''': May I speak freely?
:'''Homelander''': Give it a shot.
:'''Sister Sage''': I told you, no matter how much power you amass, it will not make you happy.
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' You know what's gonna make me happy? I think I'll be happy when Starlight and William Butcher are corpses. I want it leaked that in three days, we are going to execute Hugh Campbell, Milk, and the... French one. That'll draw out Starlight and Butcher, and then I will take care of this once and for all.
:'''Sister Sage''': Consider it done, sir.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kimiko''': Oh, wow. Your skin is so oily, like hugging a McRib.
:'''Annie''': Wait, did you—Did you just... How?!
:'''Kimiko''': Speech therapy and fucking therapy therapy and so much fucking TikTok.
:'''Annie''': Well, you sure sound like you're on TikTok.
:'''Butcher''': Sixteen-hour flight and not a fucking peep.
:'''Kimiko''': 'Cause all you can say is "Oi, oi, oi. Cunt, cunt, cunt".
:'''Butcher''': I liked her better with her mouth shut.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Annie''': Took you long enough. Slowing down in your old age?
:'''A-Train''': ''[laughs and hugs Annie]'' Fuck you, [[w:Killing of JonBenét Ramsey|JonBenét]].
:'''Kimiko''': You guys are friends?
:'''A-Train''': You talk?
:'''Kimiko''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Annie''': Reggie's been helping us out for a while.
:'''A-Train''': ''[takes drink from Annie]'' Thanks. Where is everybody? ''[pause]'' I heard about the Pittsburgh raid last month. Go Marie Moreau. How's her team doing?
:'''Annie''': Yeah, they're scoring a few wins, but not nearly enough.
:'''A-Train''': So, what's with the 911?
:'''Annie''': Hughie, M.M. and Frenchie are gonna be executed tomorrow, so we need your help to break them out.
:'''A-Train''': Of a Vought prison camp? You're fucking crazy.
:'''Annie''': Listen, you don't have to fight, okay? We just need you to run them to the extraction point. It's easy.
:'''A-Train''': Easy. Right. You know Homelander's gonna be waiting. I can't.
:'''Annie''': We know how to kill him, okay? But we need Frenchie to do it.
:'''A-Train''': Great. Well, good luck with that.
:'''Annie''': Hey, are you gonna keep running forever? I mean, if we're gonna really take him out, we need your help.
:'''A-Train''': So what, I'm just supposed to join this little fucking supergroup?
:'''Annie''': I mean, we are down one asshоlе, so… Yeah, maybe.
:'''A-Train''': ''[pause]'' No.
:'''Annie''': Why not?
:'''A-Train''': I said I can't.
:'''Annie''': I know you're scared…
:'''A-Train''': No, I'm not fucking scared! I got a family to protect. ''[Annie sighs]'' I can't.
:'''Annie''': I get it, I do. Me, too. ''[pause]'' Keep them safe.
:''[Annie and Kimiko watch A-Train run off]''
:'''Kimiko''': We shouldn't have let him go.
:'''Annie''': No. Homelander fuckеd him up. Fuckеd me up, too. We're gonna need an Exit Plan B.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hughie, Frenchie and Mother's Milk go over their escape plan]''
:'''Hughie''': Okay, so we hit the east gate.
:'''Frenchie''': ''Oui'', Petit Hughie, when the guards change shift.
:'''Hughie''': And we go at dawn.
:'''Mother's Milk''': We've been through this.
:'''Hughie''': I know. I just wanna go over it a few more times just so I can get it in my head.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Hughie… ''[holds out moonshine jar]'' Take a fuckin' drink, will you?
:'''Hughie''': No, thanks.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[shrugs; to Frenchie]'' ''Mon ami?''
:'''Frenchie''': You know I quit.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Leave it up to you to have your shit the tightest you've ever had it in a fuckin' internment camp.
:'''Frenchie''': Yeah, what about you? Have you been eating the fresh produce I smuggle in?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Moonshine's got corn in it. ''[takes a sip of moonshine]''
:'''Frenchie''': ''[beat; to Hughie]'' Hey… Don't worry. Annie will be fine. She's strong.
:'''Hughie''': ''[takes liquor bottle from Frenchie]'' Kimiko, too.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[laughs]'' Y'all mοthеrfuckеrs are trippin'. Y'all don't know what the fuck's going on with them. ''[to Frenchie]'' Hey, you don't even know where Kimiko's at.
:'''Hughie''': What, so you don't think you're gonna see Janine and Monique again? Is that it?
:'''Mother's Milk''': What I know is that they're a shit ton safer without me making a mess out of their lives.
:'''Hughie''': M.M., you're the strongest guy I know. We've been in tougher spots than this.
:'''Mother's Milk''': You know, I did two tours in the 3/8 in Farah Province. The shit I saw would ''fuck you up''. And even that was ''Emily in Paris'' compared to the shit that we looking at here. And even if we make it outta here, we ain't surviving this fuckin' war. We are dead men walking. Chin-chin, mοthеrfuckеrs.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hughie is shocked to see all of his prison bunkmates brutally murdered in their bunker. He sees Homelander sitting on his bed reading from his journal.]''
:'''Homelander''': "Well, Annie, today marks two months. It's a little insane how much I miss you. I've been having trouble eating. Every day, I see people giving up, but not me. Because I have you." It's very, very sweet.
:'''Hughie''': They were innocent.
:'''Homelander''': Oh… ''[looks briefly at one of the corpses]'' Well, I'd hardly call them innocent. They lied to me. Played dumb about your little stash in the wall there. We've known about that for quite some time, but I just wanted to give you a little hope.
:'''Hughie''': You're not the one who gave it to me, asshоlе.
:'''Homelander''': Ooh, I like Internment Camp Hughie. She's zesty.
:'''Hughie''': Fuck you. Do it.
:'''Homelander''': What?
:'''Hughie''': Kill me.
:'''Homelander''': Not until we flush out Butcher and Starlight.
:'''Hughie''': You think they're dumb enough to just walk right into your trap?
:'''Homelander''': Let's not insult each other. We both know they're coming. ''[throws the journal at Hughie's feet]'' Do you remember when we first met?
:'''Hughie''': How could I forget?
:'''Homelander''': Believe Festival. I tried to cleanse your soul. I remember thinking... ''[sighs]'' "Why him?" What does Starlight see in this gangly simp that reeks of fear and Strawberry Smoothie kids' shampoo? You know, William and Victoria Neuman love you, too. I mean, I get it from your perspective. You're punching up. Good for you. But why are they so hopelessly devoted to such staggering mediocrity? Why would Starlight and Butcher piss away their lives to try and rescue you?
:'''Hughie''': Because I'd do it for them.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher and Kimiko find Hughie, Frenchie and Mother's Milk tied up and gagged by Homelander when they break into the Vought internment camp]''
:'''Hughie''': Butcher?! Oh, fuck.
:'''Homelander''': ''[waves]'' Surprise. Welcome, William. ''[to Kimiko]'' And you. The gang is almost all here. Oh, and uh, ''[looks down at Mother's Milk]'' you never told me that this one's nickname is... Mother's Milk. ''[licks his lips; laughs]'' Okay. So, what's the big plan? What, are you gonna sandbag me with the Godolkin virus? ''[Butcher looks shocked]'' Yes. I know all about it.
:'''Kimiko''': Suck my fat dіck!
:''[Homelander lasers Kimiko in half. The top half of her body falls to the floor.]''
:'''Homelander''': Hey, where's Starlight? Just doesn't feel like a party without my little lightning bug here... ''[pause; stares at Butcher]'' Jesus Christ, William. You've got a viper's nest in there. I'd heard about it, of course. But seeing it for myself, it's uh… it–it's incredible. I mean, it's fucking disgusting of course, but it's–it's beautiful. What you've done to yourself, what you've become… and you did all that for me? ''[pause]'' Now that… ''that'' is devotion. You know, William, I know we're not exactly equals, but I'm compelled to say… you are the only one that's ever challenged me. And there's a part of me that will be sad to see you go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[A-Train gets badly injured while being chased by Homelander, who eventually catches up to him]''
:'''Homelander''': Looks like someone ''can'' catch the A-Train after all. End of the road, buddy boy.
:''[A-Train starts laughing at Homelander as he gets back up]''
:'''Homelander''': What's so funny?
:'''A-Train''': What was I so afraid of? You are… fucking nothing.
:'''Homelander''': Really?
:''[Homelander lifts A-Train and pins him against a tree]''
:'''A-Train''': ''[grunts]'' Really. You're just an empty fucking suit. Take away these powers… and what are you, huh? A pathetic… weak… sniveling fucking loser.
:''[Homelander wraps his hand around A-Train's neck and slowly chokes him. A-Train continues laughing until Homelander snaps his neck, killing him instantly.]''
===''"Teenage Kix"'' [5.02]===
:'''Oh Father''': We fight hellfire with holy fire! We fight with the ballot box! We fight with the ammo box! Matthew 10:34 — "I do not come to bring the peace, but a sword"! You are not here to be blessed, you are here to do war!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Homelander''': Goddammit, A-Train. It didn't need to come to this. I don't know, you left me no choice! I know that my leadership style can be stern, but it was for your own good! I like to think of myself as the big brother that you never had. You remember that girlfriend you had? Uh... Pop... Popfang. Betrayed us both, to William Butcher, no less. Huge mess, your fault. What did I do? ''What did I do?'' I gave you a chance to make things right, I reached out my hand... and you bit it! What did I ever do to deserve that? What, was I too nurturing? Too forgiving? Well, maybe. But dammit, you weren't like the others: Snakes, backstabbers. I could count on you, man. I ''did'' count on you I loved you... But here we are. Why does this keep happening to me? I guess the strongest men are the most alone. You wouldn't understand. Nobody does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Homelander releases Soldier Boy from his cryogenic chamber at Vought Tower. Soldier Boy wakes up the next morning in Homelander's bedroom.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': What the fuck?
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay, I don't wanna hurt you. You're safe, okay? You've been in deep freeze again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Oh, Jesus Christ. For how long?
:'''Homelander''': Almost two years in a CIA black site. I just found out this morning.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You found out this morning?
:'''Homelander''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But that just happens to be in your room? ''[pause]'' Did you fuck me?
:'''Homelander''': What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Is this some kind of incest thing?
:'''Homelander''': No!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Then, what the fuck is this?
:'''Homelander''': ''[stammers]'' Look, I... I want you to find William Butcher.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Find him yourself.
:'''Homelander''': Well, the people that work for me are limited. And you are the best tracker there is. I just–I need you to find him and report back. Very simple.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You want me… to work for you?
:'''Homelander''': Well, why don't we say "work ''with'' me"? And... I can help you. I can give you a proper comeback.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I don't need you for that.
:'''Homelander''': Well, the whole world does think that you're a Russian spy, so…
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[takes a deep breath]'' Okay. Alright, listen to me. I'm no ass-felching Commie. You got that?!
:'''Homelander''': I know, I know. And listen, I am Vought now. Me. So, the public, they're gonna believe that you are whatever I tell them you are. I can resurrect you. I can give you back what you lost. I can even make you number two in The Seven.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Number two? ''[Homelander nods]'' Or how about I finish the job, and blast you to Kingdom Fuck.
:'''Homelander''': Yeah, you could try. Who knows, you might even fry the V right out of my blood. Or you might not. But I'm betting that you hate William Butcher more than you hate... me. After all, I'm–I'm not the one that betrayed you, am I?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I tried to kill you. The minute I turn my back, how do I know you won't return the favor?
:'''Homelander''': Look...
:''[Homelander picks up Soldier Boy's shield and gives it to him]''
:'''Homelander''': You find William Butcher for me… all is forgiven.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat; looks at the shield]'' Looks like a fuckin' kindergarten ashtray.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Homelander''': Soldier Boy, ''[points at Calhoun and Ashley]'' this is the President, Vice President of the United States of America. They work for me. Everyone, Soldier Boy is gonna be number two in The Seven once he has located William Butcher and Annie January.
:'''The Deep''': What? Wait–Wait, what, sir? No, sir. I... I can do this. I can bring them in.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, like you did with A-Train? We're going in a new direction, Deep. Competence. ''[to Calhoun]'' Oh, and Steve, Soldier Boy's gonna need a full pardon.
:'''Calhoun''': Well, sir, he–he was guilty of... you know, treason. ''[pause; Homelander just stares at him]'' Consider it done, sir.
:'''Homelander''': Terrific. And you know what? I'm sure the man's dying for a drink. Uh, Steve, can you make him a…
:'''Soldier Boy''': Manhattan.
:'''Homelander''': Manhattan. Thanks, Steve.
:'''Calhoun''': Of course. Can I get you a glass of milk, sir?
:'''Homelander''': ''[sternly]'' No. Steven… I'll also have a Manhattan.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Goddamn. Since when could Supes teabag the President?
:'''Homelander''': Since me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher sees Hughie looking despondent on their way back to the Teenage Kix mansion]''
:'''Butcher''': Oi, fuckin' smile, Hughie. I mean, ain't you a little glad A-Train's dead?
:'''Hughie''': …No, I'm not glad he's dead. A-Train did a lot of horrible things, but he saved our lives, and he died a hero. A real hero. There are a lot of other Supes that don't deserve to die either.
:'''Butcher''': Listen, I know you just done a year in the gulag. You've earned your seat at the table, so... I'll give it to ya straight. You gotta knock this wet, gaping pussy shite on the head, mate. Ain't doin' no one no favours. Especially your girl. I mean, that's why she's givin' you the cold shoulder.
:'''Hughie''': Don't talk to me about Annie. You don't know what's going on with her.
:'''Butcher''': Well, I know that she finally knows the fuckin' score. And she knows that you poncin' about with this Jiminy Cricket, "listen to your heart" bollocks is just gonna get her killed.
:'''Hughie''': Is there any part of you left that's still human? ''[pause]'' You're gonna get Annie killed, not me… but I won't let you do it.
:'''Butcher''': Noted.
:''[A shield suddenly pierces the windshield of the Boys' truck. Hughie catches the virus vial right as they crash into another vehicle.]''
:'''Hughie''': Fuck!
:'''Kimiko''': Hughie, the vial!
:'''Hughie''': It's good. ''[stares at the shield]'' Wait, is that...?
:''[They see Soldier Boy walking up the street towards them]''
:'''Butcher''': Well, well, well.
:'''Kimiko''': He's dead, right? He's supposed to be dead?
:'''Butcher''': Supposed to be. Mallory put him in ice for a bit.
:'''Hughie''': ''[slowly turns to face Butcher]'' You're telling us this ''now?''
:'''Butcher''': Somebody up there likes us, mate.
:'''Hughie''': In what fucking way?!
:'''Butcher''': Well, we wanted a guinea pig. Who better than Homelander's old man? New plan.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Butcher''': Oi. Ain't you supposed to be a giant ice dіldо?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Aren't you supposed to be smart? Renting a truck under the name "Don T. Beakunt." Same alias when we headed to Herogasm.
:'''Butcher''': Well, oldie, but a goodie.
:''[Soldier Boy sees Hughie and Kimiko get out of the truck and run away]''
:'''Butcher''': No, mate. Just you and me.
:''[Soldier Boy shoots Butcher three times, but to no avail. Butcher, still standing, looks down at his chest then looks back up at Soldier Boy.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': I guess it's true. You're one of us now.
:'''Butcher''': Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Then fuckin' beat 'em.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Being super is not gonna save you.
:'''Butcher''': That don't stop us helpin' each other. Homelander's double the cunt now, if that's even possible. He needs doin' more than ever. You still fancy his seat on The Seven, don't ya?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Fuck you! We had a deal! I held up my end of the bargain, and you sold me out. Put me back in a fucking box! And for what? 'Cause I was gonna kill some dumb kid?
:'''Butcher''': That kid is your grandson.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well, was it worth it? You feeling good about that call right about now? Where is that fucking brat?
:'''Butcher''': Homelander's the one fuckin' you over, mate. Or did he mention that we've got an uber virus strong enough to kill every fuckin' Supe on the planet?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Bullshit.
:'''Butcher''': God's honest. The things this virus can do... ''Fuckin' diabolical.'' Why d'you think he sent you here instead of coming himself, hmm? You're the sacrificial cunt. Again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I guess we'll see.
:'''Butcher''': You don't get it, do ya? Me, Homelander, your old crew–Everyone fucks you over. Do you wanna know why? 'Cause you... are a dumb fuckin' twat.
----
:'''Soldier Boy''': Hughie Campbell. How is a useless cock-gobbler like you still alive?
:'''Hughie''': All your jokes are about dudes blowing dudes. You're kind of obsessed!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Is this the virus he was going on about? The so-called "Supe Killer"? Well, not today, you semen-swilling butt pirate.
:'''Hughie''': What?
===''"Every One of You Sons of Bitches"'' [5.03]===
:''[Homelander has a psychotic breakdown and hallucinates Madelyn Stillwell appearing to him as an angel]''
:'''Homelander''': Madelyn...!
:'''Madelyn''': Oh, my boy! My sweet boy... What is wrong? Why are you unhappy?
:'''Homelander''': My father and my son! Everything, it's all falling apart!
:'''Madelyn''': No! No, it's exactly what needed to happen. Yes, it's been foretold! You're about to ascend. Become immortal. Divine. A true god with the love of the world.
:'''Homelander''': But–
:'''Madelyn''': I know, you think love is weak and human. But who is more loved than Jesus? And why should he have more love than you? You save more people than he does. The one, true god...
:'''Homelander''': Yes... But how? How? Millions of people just hate me...
:'''Madelyn''': Well, then you baptize the unfaithful in their own blood. Rip babies from their mothers' wombs.
:'''Homelander''': Yes...
:'''Madelyn''': Skin parents in front of their children. Rid the world of the wicked.
:'''Homelander''': Yes...
:'''Madelyn''': The nonbelievers...
:'''Homelander''': They'll call me a monster...
:'''Madelyn''': Oh, the only ones left will be your faithful. And they will love you in their hearts. They'll cry happy tears at the mere thought of you. You have one last task, my love.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Soldier Boy''': Homelander?
:'''Homelander''': Up here.
:'''Soldier Boy''': What do you– ''[sees Homelander taking a bath]'' What in the fuck? Is that milk?
:'''Homelander''': Better. Breastmilk from the NICU at Mount Sinai.
:'''Soldier Boy''': So, what? You asked me up here so I could watch you swim in tit jizz?
:'''Homelander''': I wanna give you another chance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You wanna give ''me'' another chance?
:'''Homelander''': Yes. Help me find that V1.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I'd rather fist myself with a handful of razors. Besides, Cleopatra Jones said there's no V1 to find.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, there most certainly is. And I am going to find it.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Yeah? What makes you so sure?
:'''Homelander''': ''[smiling]'' An angel told me. It's my destiny.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Just when I thought there was a ceiling to how fuckin' weird you could get.
:'''Homelander''': Yes, yes. Make your jokes. You've been blessed with immortality, and what have you done with it? Drink and fuck yourself numb. You... You are a disappointment. You see... ''[stands up and gets out of the tub]'' I am not gonna waste my immortality. I am gonna take what's rightfully mine. I'm asking you if you want a seat at the table because you're my father. But with or without you... a reckoning is coming.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat]'' You know, all I see is a freak. A freak with a bushel of gray pubes. Try some Just for Men.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher takes Ryan to a pub to discuss his plan to kill Homelander with the Supe virus]''
:'''Butcher''': All you do is get him on the blower and tell him you wanna see him. When he rocks up, you chuck the shit in his face... and that'll be it.
:'''Ryan''': Why me?
:'''Butcher''': 'Cause he won't leave the fortress of cuntitude for anyone else.
:'''Ryan''': So this is what you wanted to talk to me about. Killing my dad.
:'''Butcher''': Listen, mate–
:'''Ryan''': Is that all you think I'm good for?
:'''Butcher''': I ain't gonna treat you like a kid no more, alright? You're done with that. Homelander raped your mum. He's gonna burn everything down, and you are the only one who can stop him. Now... Normally, I don't put no stock in any of that bollocks about destiny, but if anyone's got one, it's you.
:'''Ryan''': ''[pause; sighs]'' I throw this virus at him... what'll happen to me?
:'''Butcher''': You'll die. I'll be close by and we'll go together. Now... I ain't gonna lie to you. This… this is not what your mum wanted… But it's the only way. And it will be justice.
:'''Ryan''': You're asking me to kill myself?
:'''Butcher''': You wouldn't be the first lad to throw his life away in a war... but you would be the first to save the world doin' it. ''[beat; sighs heavily]'' I'll fetch us a pint.
:''[Later, Butcher returns with a pint of beer]''
:'''Butcher''': Here. Told her you were 30. ''[Ryan chuckles]'' Fuck the leather, fuck the lace, here's to the bird who sits on yer face. ''[takes a long sip of beer]''
:'''Ryan''': Where'd you pick that up?
:'''Butcher''': Me old man.
:'''Ryan''': You two close?
:'''Butcher''': Nah, not really. He was a... a piss artist. Used to lose all his money on the gee-gees–horses–and then, he'd come home, beat the livin' daylights outta Len and me. And then later, laugh about it with his mates. Yeah, he was a right cunt.
:'''Ryan''': Where is he now?
:'''Butcher''': Bottom of the Thames. I put him there, just the other day. Only wish I'd done it sooner, before he caused more... more damage.
:'''Ryan''': Butcher... Do you think that I could ever... That I might turn into my dad?
:'''Butcher''': …I don't know.
:'''Ryan''': ''[sighs]'' My mom... Aunt Grace... the others... All I do is hurt people. I can't be around anyone.
:'''Butcher''': Without us–without Supes–the world is a better, safer place.
:'''Ryan''': ''[beat]'' I'll do it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Soldier Boy and Firecracker are on her TruthBomb talkshow set preparing for their interview together]''
:'''Firecracker''': It's an honor to have a great American like yourself on the show. I guess it runs in the family, huh? Homelander's father… Dang.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[looks at the gun at Firecracker's hip]'' Glock, huh? Never saw the appeal in foreign-made guns.
:'''Firecracker''': Well, this ain't your granddaddy's Glock. This here's a 9mm Gen 5, seven-round capacity with a crisp fuckin' break.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well, mine's a much longer barrel. ''[takes out his pistol]'' Battle-proven, all-American Colt 1911 chambered in .45 ACP. ''[cocks pistol]'' That'll blow your fuckin' panties off. Now, that little Glock–That's good for a late-night Harlem stroll, but uh, this here? That's a certified Kraut killer.
:'''Firecracker''': I think you mean an antique.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I mean a classic. You wanna give it a try? ''[Firecracker examines the pistol]'' Now, some can't handle the kick, but something tells me you'll do just fine.
:''[Cut to Soldier Boy and Firecracker in bed together after having sex]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': Whew. Well, I gotta hand it to you. I haven't fuckеd that hard since... since I railed Shari Lewis on the balcony of Studio 54.
:'''Firecracker''': I ain't got no idea who that is.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well... Hey, why the hairless pussy?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[gives Soldier Boy a disgusted look]'' What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I mean, what's the point of going down there if you're not gonna get a fat face full of fur? Is that how Homelander likes you? Like a baby?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[sighs]'' More like a mother.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But you two have fuckеd, right?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[shakes her head]'' Mm-mm.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Damn. I gotta admit, I was kinda just doing this as petty revenge against the freak.
:'''Firecracker''': That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? And you shouldn't say that about your son.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Ah, he thinks he's better than me.
:'''Firecracker''': He doesn't.
:'''Soldier Boy''': How do you know?
:'''Firecracker''': I don't know much, but I can read people. And the way he looks at you? Shoot. I ain't never seen him look at nobody like that.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Uh, that's not exactly a compliment, doll. He is the strangest mοthеrfuckеr I've ever known, and I've had a threesome with Gary Busey.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Ryan and Homelander meet up at the now-abandoned VoughtLand building]''
:'''Ryan''': Do you remember when you took me here? Pretended to care about me?
:'''Homelander''': I ''do'' care about you, son. I love you.
:'''Ryan''': ''[pause]'' I need to ask you–
:'''Homelander''': For my forgiveness? You already have it.
:'''Ryan''': What?
:'''Homelander''': Okay, let me finish. I put too much pressure on you to fill my boots. And–And I realize now that, uh... Well, that–that was impossible. But I do have some pretty exciting news. I am going to live forever now. I'll realize my own legacy. And you... ''[scoffs]'' you're off the hook. You can do whatever–
:'''Ryan''': Did you do it? Did you rapе my mom?
:'''Homelander''': What?! Of course not. Who told you–Did William Butcher tell you that? Your mother and I, we had an affair. A consensual affair between two adults.
:'''Ryan''': Your heart's racing.
:'''Homelander''': Well, yeah, because I'm shocked. And–And frankly, my heart's breaking a little bit that you could think I would do something like that.
:''[Ryan lasers Homelander, leaving a visible wound near his chest]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan... Ryan, stop!
:''[Ryan lunges at Homelander and shoves him against the wall. Homelander ducks below Ryan's fist to avoid getting punched by him.]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan! I don't know where this is coming from, because your mother… ''She'' came on to ''me.''
:''[Ryan punches Homelander twice and tries to laser him again. Homelander quickly dodges him again.]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan! Son... ''[moves away to avoid another punch]'' Ryan! Ryan, buddy... Look what came out of it. My son. A blessing! ''[Ryan attacks him again]'' Hey, hey! Stop!
:''[Ryan readies another laser, which gets redirected when Homelander grabs his face. He punches Homelander in the face again, but Homelander gets the upper hand and slams Ryan several times into a box. Homelander wipes blood away from his nose as Ryan whimpers in pain.]''
:'''Homelander''': Oh, Ryan... Dammit. Look at what you made me do. ''[pause; kneels down to restrain Ryan]'' Shh... Shh, shh, shh. Hey... It's okay. My sweet, sweet boy.
:''[Homelander proceeds to punch Ryan repeatedly in the face until he is beaten nearly to death]''
===''"King of Hell"'' [5.04]===
:'''Homelander''': I need you for something.
:'''Firecracker''': You do?
:'''Homelander''': I have received the most wonderful message. I was visited... by an angel. And she foretold my destiny.
:'''Firecracker''': Wow. Well, praise be. And what is it?
:'''Homelander''': God.
:'''Firecracker''': Sir, that is wonderful. There is no higher calling than servin' the Lord.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, no. Not serving the Lord. Being the Lord. I am the Messiah. I'm the savior of the world.
:'''Firecracker''': The... Messiah?
:'''Homelander''': Yes.
:''[Firecracker smiles despite her being clearly disturbed by Homelander's delusions]''
:'''Firecracker''': Um... Congrats.
:'''Homelander''': Thank you. ''[pause; Firecracker giggles nervously]'' I always knew I was special. I knew it. I suffered. I suffered so many hardships, and I... I couldn't understand why, but you... You... You always saw it, didn't you? You knew all along I was special. That is why I have chosen you to spread the word of my coming.
:'''Firecracker''': How?
:'''Homelander''': Well, we control the most powerful media apparatus on Earth. Jesus would kill for our marketing. What do you say?
:'''Firecracker''': ...Well, you know I would do anything for you, sir.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Boys are hiking through the woods near Fort Harmony]''
:'''Kimiko''': It's weird. No birds or animals. It's like…
:'''Butcher''': Fuckin' hell. ''[to Mother's Milk]'' Had to park on the other side of the state, didn't ya?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Well, if the hike's too hard, why don't you try tying your boots, mοthеrfuckеr.
:''[Hughie is shocked to see a heavily decomposed corpse]''
:'''Hughie''': Oh, fuck that.
:'''Butcher''': Eh. Not really my type, son.
:'''Hughie''': Hey, how about showing a little respect?
:'''Mother's Milk''': You know, Hughie's right, Butcher. You should take her out to dinner first. ''[chuckles; sighs]'' Let's see here. Based on the decomp, these bodies have been here for a while.
:'''Frenchie''': Something ripped them apart. Whatever killed those Boy Scouts might still stalk these woods.
:'''Butcher''': Let's get a move on, then. Didn't come out here to get bummed by Bigfoot.
:''[...]''
:'''Butcher''': Any sign of Super Cunt?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Could already be inside.
:'''Butcher''': Well, let's find out.
:'''Kimiko''': ''[to Hughie]'' What's wrong?
:'''Hughie''': Annie.
:'''Kimiko''': She'll come back.
:'''Hughie''': No. I almost died, but she made it all about her and she took off. I mean, last year, I got bad-touched by a shape-shifter, and she still found a way to make it about her. She can be such a fucking bitch. ''[pause; sees Kimiko looking at him in shock]'' Uh... Jesus. Sorry, I–I didn't mean for that to come out so harsh.
:''[The Boys see an entire field littered with animal carcasses]''
:'''Butcher''': ''Fuckin' hell.''
:'''Mother's Milk''': The fuck happened here?
:'''Frenchie''': Our V'd-up beast enjoyed an amuse-bouche, perhaps?
:'''Butcher''': Well, explains why we didn't hear no animals.
:'''Kimiko''': I said that ten minutes ago.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Boys discover more decomposed corpses as they make their way downstairs to the lab inside Fort Harmony]''
:'''Butcher''': Fuckin' hell. They've been here a minute, haven't they?
:'''Frenchie''': Decades. Hunters... ''[pause; notices the knives embedded in the corpses]'' Look at their knives. These men, they killed each other. What if there is a monster here, but it's us?
:'''Butcher''': What the fuck are you on about, Frenchie?
:'''Frenchie''': [[w:Toxoplasma gondii|Toxoplasmosis]]. It's a parasite in cat shit. It can infect humans. Makes them react with explosive anger.
:'''Hughie''': You think we ate cat shit?
:'''Frenchie''': Ate? No... If the V1 spilled into the groundwater, it could mutate the plants. Their spores fill us with rage, we murder each other, and ''voilà''. We're plant food for these vines.
:'''Hughie''': Okay, so like [[w:The Last of Us (video game)|''The Last of Us'']]?
:'''Frenchie''': No, that is just [[w:The Walking Dead (comic book)|''The Walking Dead'']] with mushrooms. The dead campers, the animals, these hunters... Surely, you all see how strangely you've been acting.
:'''Kimiko''': Us? I've seen you blow cоcaіnе up your dіckhole.
:'''Frenchie''': Wait... You have a point. The copious amount of drug I've taken for decades has surely altered my brain chemistry. That's why I'm not affected. Guess being a junkie was good for something after all.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[laughs]'' Romeo and fuckin' Juliet. You two survive this war, I give you six months tops.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Homelander and Soldier Boy search the ground floor of Fort Harmony while the Boys are in the basement below looking for the V1]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[sniffs]'' Smells like deer piss. The last time I was here, I was fresh off the front lines, still picking Nazi brains out of my hair. And only the best of the best got selected for Dr. Vought's trials.
:'''Homelander''': Hmmph.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Not soft little hog-chompers.
:'''Homelander''': Of course. No, I forgot how tough you were.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Hey, I'm not the weirdo who doesn't fuck. I mean, your cock's as useless as your cape. What's the point of being famous if you're not getting your dіck wet?
:'''Homelander''': Oh, my dіck was sopping wet when I pulled it out of Stormfront and wiped it on her fucking chin!
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[pause; looks down at the decomposed corpses]'' Ooh, look. More uggos.
:'''Homelander''': Friends of yours?
:''[They unknowingly set off the motion detector that the Boys set up near the stairs]''
:'''Mother's Milk''': Oh, shit. They're right above us.
:'''Butcher''': We best get the fuck outta here. Come on.
:'''Hughie''': Hey. Hey, what about the V1?
:'''Mother's Milk''': If Bombsight has the V1, then it saves us from havin' to torch it.
:'''Hughie''': What are you talking about? Who's "us"?
:'''Butcher''': ''[beat]'' What? You think the world needs more immortal cunts, do ya?
:'''Hughie''': We need it to save Annie and Kimiko! You've been planning this this whole time, haven't you?!
:'''Frenchie''': Shh. Homelander will hear us.
:'''Hughie''': ''[to Mother's Milk]'' And you, you've just been going along with it again.
:'''Mother's Milk''': We can't take the risk, Hughie. And if she has to be collateral damage so that Homelander dies and my daughter lives, we ain't got no fucking choice!
:'''Kimiko''': Oh, easy for you to say. It won't fucking kill you!
:'''Butcher''': Well, at least he knows when to keep his gob shut and do as he's fuckin' told!
:'''Frenchie''': Shh!
:'''Mother's Milk''': Excuse me?
:'''Frenchie''': No, no, no. We don't have time for this. We need to find a way out now.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[pause]'' Wanna know a little secret, Butcher? I ''cheered'' when I found out that you were dying, 'cause at least we'd finally be done with your miserable ass.
:'''Hughie''': You know, I used to say to these guys, "Don't give up on Butcher. There's good in him fighting to get out." I was wrong. If there was ''anything'' human in there, it's dead. Underneath that chestful of octo-cocks, you are just a fucking monster.
:'''Butcher''': Well, maybe I like it better that way.
:'''Hughie''': That parasite's not just in you. It ''is'' you. ''You're'' the cancer!
:'''Frenchie''': ''Lower your voices.''
:'''Hughie''': You are just as bad as Homelander, maybe worse. And I'm not gonna let you drag us all down with you.
:'''Butcher''': And whatcha gonna do about it?
:'''Hughie''': I'll fucking kill you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Homelander''': ''[chuckles]'' Tough guy, my ass.
:'''Soldier Boy''': What?
:'''Homelander''': You, your whole bit. This whole "guts and glory" thing. What a fucking joke. I read your classified file. Your brother won a Silver Star for bravery at Anzio, and that's what made you beg your father to buy you a spot in Dr. Vought's trials. Because it killed you to see your brother dripping in all that glory, making you look all the more feeble in comparison.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You don't know shit about me.
:'''Homelander''': Really? I know that when they tried to inject you with the V, you were so fucking petrified that they had to strap you to the table. And you pissed yourself, crying for your mommy like the whiny, spoiled little rich boy that you are. They gave you the world, and you? You deserve ''nothing.''
:''[Soldier Boy stands by as Homelander walks into a small chamber]''
:'''Homelander''': ''[sighs]'' Oh, Christ. What's this shithole now?
:''[Soldier Boy shuts the door while Homelander isn't looking and turns the wheel to lock him inside the chamber]''
:'''Homelander''': What are you doing?!
:''[Soldier Boy bends the wheel with his bare hands and tears it off the door]''
:'''Homelander''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, well done. I'll be out of here in 30 seconds!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Maybe. Maybe not.
:''[Soldier Boy pulls down a lever to open a radioactive valve. Homelander's face immediately starts blistering from the radiation.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': It's enriched uranium. They'd stick us Supes in there to see if we could survive an atomic bomb. Now, for a normal joe, they'd be dead in minutes. But for you, it's a stomach flu. Good luck, though, getting out of a Supe-proof cell while you're bleeding out of your ass.
:''[Homelander fails to kill Soldier Boy by lasering him. He punches the glass as Soldier Boy walks off.]''
:'''Homelander''': Where are you going?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I'm gonna go destroy any V1 that I find, you Triple Crown cock jockey.
:'''Homelander''': Why?
:'''Soldier Boy''': You don't get it, do you? How much I can't fucking stand you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher sees Homelander trapped inside the uranium chamber]''
:'''Butcher''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, if only the world could see you now. Not so fuckin' super, are ya? You, uh... ''[points at Homelander's face]'' You got a bit of... ''[pause; Homelander coughs]'' Did your dad put you in timeout? Ooh… That's gotta sting, knowin' he'd rather spend eternity all alone than with the likes of you. What's the matter? Cunt got your tongue? Will wonders ever cease? ''[chuckles; lights cigarette]'' Tell me something. If you do get the juice in you, you think that makes you a god, don't ya? Seems like I know you pretty well after all. Which is why I know that even if you had a billion twats garglin' your bollocks and singin' "Hosanna", you still wouldn't be happy. 'Cause deep down, you're just a weak, thin-skinned, needy little boy. You beat the shit outta your own son. Don't get weaker than that.
:'''Homelander''': ''[laughs weakly while groaning in pain]'' Ryan is alive… because he's strong. 'Cause he's my son. The son of God.
:'''Butcher''': You ain't no god. How's about I go fetch the virus, and then we'll watch you shit your fuckin' spine out?
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' You don't have it, do you? The virus.
:'''Butcher''': …Don't I?
:'''Homelander''': No, you don't. You would have used it by now. ''[coughs; laughs hysterically]'' You have no way to stop me, do you? Oh, William. You have no idea what you're up against. You can't intervene. I ''will'' get the V1, and when I do, I'm gonna flay you alive. You, Starlight–All the nonbelievers. You're all gonna ''fuckin' drown'' in your own blood.
:'''Butcher''': I promise you, before I die... I'll fuckin' have you. ''[walks away]''
:'''Homelander''': YOU'RE ALL FUCKING PASTE! I can take what's mine, and that makes this WHOLE FUCKING SHITBALL ''MY BIRTHRIGHT! '''MY DESTINY!'''''
===''"One-Shots"'' [5.05]===
:'''Firecracker''': We ain't doin' that again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what you said the last six times.
:'''Firecracker''': No, I really mean it this time.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You seem a little out of it. Did you nut? 'Cause usually, you nut.
:'''Firecracker''': ''[sighs]'' Were you baptized?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill. Governor Sproul did the honors. My family kept up appearances, of course. Then, we never set foot in church again.
:'''Firecracker''': I had lunch today with the reverend who baptized me. He's been gettin' heat to switch over to our church. You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him? Just... give him a little more time? I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
:'''Soldier Boy''': So you didn't nut? You know, this whole Homelander as God shit, it's... it's fucking ridiculous.
:'''Firecracker''': Really? You think so?
:'''Soldier Boy''': If he's the second coming, then what does that make me? Joseph? I mean, talk about the biggest cuck in history. Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin, and then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet. Fuck that.
:'''Firecracker''': I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Okay.
:'''Firecracker''': Of course I worship Homelander. I mean, he's always been a god to me.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Look, I'll tell you this. If there is a God... sure as hell didn't come out of my balls. ''[pause]'' I gotta go.
:'''Firecracker''': Where you off to?
:'''Soldier Boy''': L.A… I fucking hate L.A.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Firecracker is filming her new episode of TruthBomb and starts reading her opening monologue from a teleprompter]''
:'''Firecracker''': Welcome to ''Truthbomb''. Our top story tonight's a personal one. It's the story of my hometown church, Holy Baptist of Daytona. It was the church I grew up in. Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday. But that church... That church…
:''[The teleprompter stops scrolling]''
:'''Firecracker''': ''[beat]'' That church... has become a hotbed of Starlighter infestation. And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by Starlight's seditious propaganda. Now... I never told a soul this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me over for supper. Alone. ''[pause; chuckles]'' No. Nothing ever happened to me, but... ''[sighs]'' I heard stories about his "Fish Fry Fridays." And if that ain't code for child groomin', I don't know what is. How much longer are we gonna let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies? Americans deserve better. They deserve... Homelander. They deserve the Democratic Church of America. ''[starts crying]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Soldier Boy''': Would you like some knee pads?
:'''The Deep''': Sorry, what?
:'''Soldier Boy''': You're looking at me like you wanna suck my hog, so I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.
:'''Homelander''': Go easy on the little guy. He brought me Stan Edgar.
:'''The Deep''': Thank you, sir.
:'''Homelander''': You may leave. ''[to Soldier Boy once The Deep leaves]'' What crawled up your shithole?
:'''Soldier Boy''': No idea what you mean.
:'''Homelander''': When you're pissy, you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Stan Edgar still stonewalling you?
:'''Homelander''': I've talked to him three times now. Says he has no idea where the V1 is. Heart rate steady as a rock. I'm starting to believe him.
:'''Soldier Boy''': That slippery fuck used to fetch my cоcaіnе. ''[pause]'' You know what? I have an idea. Why don't I take a crack at him? ''[Homelander stares at him]'' What, you don't trust me?
:'''Homelander''': Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material and tried to stop me getting the V1, so I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You could've killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't. Maybe I feel like I owe you.
:'''Homelander''': Or maybe you're lying.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Maybe. ''[inhales deeply]'' Give me an hour. I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.
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:'''Hughie''': If you and M.M. still think–
:'''Butcher''': Oh, for fuck's sakes, Hughie. Knock it off with this V1 shite. You're doin' me fuckin' head in. ''[sees his dog Terror eating out of the trash]'' Oi, Terror. Cut it out. Come on. ''[to Hughie]'' Now, listen. If we do find that stuff, we're not makin' any fuckin' vaccines out of it, alright? We're not the department of fuckin' health. We burn that shit before Homelander gets his paws on it, and that's that.
:'''Hughie''': Well, if you wanna kill yourself, knock yourself out, but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
:'''Butcher''': Oh, 'cause I'm fuckin' right! 'Cause I've always been right! I've been tellin' you lot from the fuckin' start the sky is fallin', and guess what? The sky fuckin' fell.
:'''Hughie''': Well, you kinda helped bring it down.
:'''Butcher''': Oh, don't give me that bollocks. Listen, Homelander thinks he's a fuckin' god. Once he becomes immortal, he's gonna start killin' like one, and we are talkin' millions of people. Now, are you tellin' me you're honestly happy to risk all of that for a life on the run with your girl, knowin' that you could've stopped it?
:'''Hughie''': You can live with that, can you? What if it was Becca? You'd just let her die?
:'''Butcher''': …I ''did'' let her die.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Mister Marathon and Malchemical try to convince Soldier Boy to kill Homelander while he is unconscious]''
:'''Mister Marathon''': Hey, man, we don't have a problem with you. Honest, ''[stutters]'' but–but fuck this fucking guy. You know, he fuckеd my life. Look, if you help us get rid of him, then we all win, and you–you can have The Seven. And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I don't need to kill him to get The Seven.
:'''Mister Marathon''': No. Yeah, of course not, but what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church?
:'''Malchemical''': I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool. All the hοοkers, the drug dealers. They wanna ban pοrn. I mean, they wanna ban fucking abortions!
:'''Mister Marathon''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Exactly, for all of us. So, if we kill him, we can stop worrying about being cops or gods or asexual weirdos. You know, we can go back to fucking and–and being fucking awesome!
:'''Malchemical''': Look, we know you've got that fucked-up chest blast thing. I mean, I was at Herogasm. I saw it.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Just finish him now. Take away his powers, so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat]'' He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Yeah.
:'''Malchemical''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But as much as it pains me to say this, he's ''my'' fucking asexual weirdo. Nobody fucks my son but me.
:'''Mister Marathon''': What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': …That came out wrong.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Firecracker sees Homelander sitting on the couch in the Seven common room]''
:'''Firecracker''': Homelander… How was L.A.? Did you catch tonight's ''Truthbomb?''
:'''Homelander''': I did indeed. And it was a real barn-burner. Well done.
:'''Firecracker''': ''[smiles]'' Thank you, sir. That means the world.
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' How's sеx with my father? ''[Firecracker's smile disappears]'' Is he good at it? Are you thinking about me when you're making love to him?
:'''Firecracker''': I never meant to cross a line or offend you in...
:'''Homelander''': Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Don't fret, little one. I don't care about the sеx, really. But I ''do'' care about your little chats after sеx.
:'''Firecracker''': Sir, whatever Soldier Boy told you, I can assure you that I...
:'''Homelander''': You mean your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh, Jesus? Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
:'''Firecracker''': No, you are my one and only savior.
:'''Homelander''': You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird. ''[sighs; gets up from the couch]'' You're supposed to worship me, love me and me alone.
:'''Firecracker''': I do.
:'''Homelander''': I believed in you. Turns out, you don't believe in me. ''[pause]'' I need you to collect your things and leave.
:'''Firecracker''': But I ''do'' believe in you. I love you! I am the only one here who ever has! I gave you ''everything!'' I gave you my soul! Everybody else here, they're just... They're just scared of you. Or they want something from you, but I have always loved you for you. Just the strongest, smartest, best man on Earth.
:'''Homelander''': ''[scoffs]'' Man?
:'''Firecracker''': No, no, no, no, no. A god. No. No, ''the'' God. My Lord, that look you used to get when you'd suckle me? I felt like Mother Mary herself. I felt blessed to nourish someone as important as you. ''[pause; Homelander sighs]'' But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it? You cast me out into the cold, which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place. So all I have been tryin' to do is to get you to see me the way that you used to. Hell, only reason I was with Soldier Boy was that your reflected light is better than no light at all. Please, sir. I love you. We all need love, don't we? Even God.
:''[Homelander reaches his hand out to touch Firecracker's cheek, then kills her by impaling her head on the wing of an eagle statue]''
[[Category:The Boys (TV series) seasons]]
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/* "Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite" [5.01] */
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:'''Season''' [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 1|1]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 2|2]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 3|3]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 4|4]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 5|5]] [[The Boys (TV series)|Main]]
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'''''[[w:The Boys (TV series)|The Boys]]''''' is an American superhero television series developed by Eric Kripke for [[w:Amazon Prime Video|Amazon Prime Video]]. Based on the comic book of the same name by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson, it follows the eponymous team of vigilantes as they combat superpowered individuals who abuse their abilities.
===''"Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite"'' [5.01]===
:''[Homelander meets with Sister Sage after the Flight 37 video gets leaked to the public by Annie]''
:'''Sister Sage''': We knew this would happen sooner or later. We've been ready. In the last 24 hours, we have flooded the zone with so much disinformation, people can't tell their clit from their collarbone. The share price is only down half a point. Besides that, damage is minimal.
:'''Homelander''': ''[points at open book]'' What's this?
:'''Sister Sage''': That is a Gutenberg Bible. Martin Shkreli sold it to me at discount.
:'''Homelander''': You're really on top of the world, huh? Peter Thiel, the Obamas calling you for advice. Everyone loves you.
:'''Sister Sage''': You can't really think I care.
:'''Homelander''': Maybe you didn't used to.
:'''Sister Sage''': It's all for you. The higher the share price, the happier the billionaires. The more you get to do whatever the fuck you wanna do.
:'''Homelander''': Are you aware that NNC is calling me a murderer? Saying that maybe I even did something to my son?
:'''Sister Sage''': No. Everyone knows that Ryan is... ''[sighs]'' Sorry. That he is at boarding school. In Svalbard. ''[chuckling]'' That story's holding. We're good.
:'''Homelander''': And how–how about you, Sage? Are you… good?
:'''Sister Sage''': I'm fine.
:'''Homelander''': You're not distracted at all? After Thomas Godolkin dumped you? You're not numbing the heartache by stabbing your brain?
:'''Sister Sage''': No.
:'''Homelander''': Then, just tell me. How did Starlight get in the building? ''[beat; exhales]'' I WAS '''HUMILIATED!''' As if people don't hate me enough!
:'''Sister Sage''': Your numbers are north of 96.
:'''Homelander''': Anyone can smile for the pollsters, sure, but millions of them are still Starlighters in their hearts! Where it counts! Have you seen the memes? Have you seen the ''memes'' about me?! ''[brief pause]'' Posting them should be a crime.
:'''Sister Sage''': Yes, but we can't go... ''[notices Homelander glaring at her]'' Oh, you're serious. Uh, sir... ''[chuckles]'' Ongoing conflict is useful to us. It keeps people afraid…
:'''Homelander''': Shut up.
:'''Sister Sage''': …which is exactly what we–
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no, no, no! NO! You promised me Caesar.
:'''Sister Sage''': He was stabbed by his best friends.
:'''Homelander''': Yeah, well, I can relate to that! But I need people to be ''devoted!'' To '''''me!'''''
:'''Sister Sage''': May I speak freely?
:'''Homelander''': Give it a shot.
:'''Sister Sage''': I told you, no matter how much power you amass, it will not make you happy.
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' You know what's gonna make me happy? I think I'll be happy when Starlight and William Butcher are corpses. I want it leaked that in three days, we are going to execute Hugh Campbell, Milk, and the... French one. That'll draw out Starlight and Butcher, and then I will take care of this once and for all.
:'''Sister Sage''': Consider it done, sir.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Kimiko''': Oh, wow. Your skin is so oily, like hugging a McRib.
:'''Annie''': Wait, did you—Did you just... How?!
:'''Kimiko''': Speech therapy and fucking therapy therapy and so much fucking TikTok.
:'''Annie''': Well, you sure sound like you're on TikTok.
:'''Butcher''': Sixteen-hour flight and not a fucking peep.
:'''Kimiko''': 'Cause all you can say is "Oi, oi, oi. Cunt, cunt, cunt".
:'''Butcher''': I liked her better with her mouth shut.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Annie''': Took you long enough. Slowing down in your old age?
:'''A-Train''': ''[laughs and hugs Annie]'' Fuck you, [[w:Killing of JonBenét Ramsey|JonBenét]].
:'''Kimiko''': You guys are friends?
:'''A-Train''': You talk?
:'''Kimiko''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Annie''': Reggie's been helping us out for a while.
:'''A-Train''': ''[takes drink from Annie]'' Thanks. Where is everybody? ''[pause]'' I heard about the Pittsburgh raid last month. Go Marie Moreau. How's her team doing?
:'''Annie''': Yeah, they're scoring a few wins, but not nearly enough.
:'''A-Train''': So, what's with the 911?
:'''Annie''': Hughie, M.M. and Frenchie are gonna be executed tomorrow, so we need your help to break them out.
:'''A-Train''': Of a Vought prison camp? You're fucking crazy.
:'''Annie''': Listen, you don't have to fight, okay? We just need you to run them to the extraction point. It's easy.
:'''A-Train''': Easy. Right. You know Homelander's gonna be waiting. I can't.
:'''Annie''': We know how to kill him, okay? But we need Frenchie to do it.
:'''A-Train''': Great. Well, good luck with that.
:'''Annie''': Hey, are you gonna keep running forever? I mean, if we're gonna really take him out, we need your help.
:'''A-Train''': So what, I'm just supposed to join this little fucking supergroup?
:'''Annie''': I mean, we are down one asshоlе, so… Yeah, maybe.
:'''A-Train''': ''[pause]'' No.
:'''Annie''': Why not?
:'''A-Train''': I said I can't.
:'''Annie''': I know you're scared…
:'''A-Train''': No, I'm not fucking scared! I got a family to protect. ''[Annie sighs]'' I can't.
:'''Annie''': I get it, I do. Me, too. ''[pause]'' Keep them safe.
:''[Annie and Kimiko watch A-Train run off]''
:'''Kimiko''': We shouldn't have let him go.
:'''Annie''': No. Homelander fuckеd him up. Fuckеd me up, too. We're gonna need an Exit Plan B.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hughie, Frenchie and Mother's Milk go over their escape plan]''
:'''Hughie''': Okay, so we hit the east gate.
:'''Frenchie''': ''Oui'', Petit Hughie, when the guards change shift.
:'''Hughie''': And we go at dawn.
:'''Mother's Milk''': We've been through this.
:'''Hughie''': I know. I just wanna go over it a few more times just so I can get it in my head.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Hughie… ''[holds out moonshine jar]'' Take a fuckin' drink, will you?
:'''Hughie''': No, thanks.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[shrugs; to Frenchie]'' ''Mon ami?''
:'''Frenchie''': You know I quit.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Leave it up to you to have your shit the tightest you've ever had it in a fuckin' internment camp.
:'''Frenchie''': Yeah, what about you? Have you been eating the fresh produce I smuggle in?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Moonshine's got corn in it. ''[takes a sip of moonshine]''
:'''Frenchie''': ''[beat; to Hughie]'' Hey… Don't worry. Annie will be fine. She's strong.
:'''Hughie''': ''[takes liquor bottle from Frenchie]'' Kimiko, too.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[laughs]'' Y'all mοthеrfuckеrs are trippin'. Y'all don't know what the fuck's going on with them. ''[to Frenchie]'' Hey, you don't even know where Kimiko's at.
:'''Hughie''': What, so you don't think you're gonna see Janine and Monique again? Is that it?
:'''Mother's Milk''': What I know is that they're a shit ton safer without me making a mess out of their lives.
:'''Hughie''': M.M., you're the strongest guy I know. We've been in tougher spots than this.
:'''Mother's Milk''': You know, I did two tours in the 3/8 in Farah Province. The shit I saw would ''fuck you up''. And even that was ''Emily in Paris'' compared to the shit that we looking at here. And even if we make it outta here, we ain't surviving this fuckin' war. We are dead men walking. Chin-chin, mοthеrfuckеrs.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Hughie is shocked to see all of his prison bunkmates brutally murdered in their bunker. He sees Homelander sitting on his bed reading from his journal.]''
:'''Homelander''': "Well, Annie, today marks two months. It's a little insane how much I miss you. I've been having trouble eating. Every day, I see people giving up, but not me. Because I have you." It's very, very sweet.
:'''Hughie''': They were innocent.
:'''Homelander''': Oh… ''[looks briefly at one of the corpses]'' Well, I'd hardly call them innocent. They lied to me. Played dumb about your little stash in the wall there. We've known about that for quite some time, but I just wanted to give you a little hope.
:'''Hughie''': You're not the one who gave it to me, asshоlе.
:'''Homelander''': Ooh, I like Internment Camp Hughie. She's zesty.
:'''Hughie''': Fuck you. Do it.
:'''Homelander''': What?
:'''Hughie''': Kill me.
:'''Homelander''': Not until we flush out Butcher and Starlight.
:'''Hughie''': You think they're dumb enough to just walk right into your trap?
:'''Homelander''': Let's not insult each other. We both know they're coming. ''[throws the journal at Hughie's feet]'' Do you remember when we first met?
:'''Hughie''': How could I forget?
:'''Homelander''': Believe Festival. I tried to cleanse your soul. I remember thinking... ''[sighs]'' "Why him?" What does Starlight see in this gangly simp that reeks of fear and Strawberry Smoothie kids' shampoo? You know, William and Victoria Neuman love you, too. I mean, I get it from your perspective. You're punching up. Good for you. But why are they so hopelessly devoted to such staggering mediocrity? Why would Starlight and Butcher piss away their lives to try and rescue you?
:'''Hughie''': Because I'd do it for them.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher and Kimiko find Hughie, Frenchie and Mother's Milk tied up and gagged by Homelander when they break into the Vought internment camp]''
:'''Hughie''': Butcher?! Oh, fuck.
:'''Homelander''': ''[waves]'' Surprise. Welcome, William. ''[to Kimiko]'' And you. The gang is almost all here. Oh, and uh, ''[looks down at Mother's Milk]'' you never told me that this one's nickname is... Mother's Milk. ''[licks his lips; laughs]'' Okay. So, what's the big plan? What, are you gonna sandbag me with the Godolkin virus? ''[Butcher looks shocked]'' Yes. I know all about it.
:'''Kimiko''': Suck my fat dіck!
:''[Homelander lasers Kimiko in half. The top half of her body falls to the floor.]''
:'''Homelander''': Hey, where's Starlight? Just doesn't feel like a party without my little lightning bug here... ''[pause; stares at Butcher]'' Jesus Christ, William. You've got a viper's nest in there. I'd heard about it, of course. But seeing it for myself, it's uh… it–it's incredible. I mean, it's fucking disgusting of course, but it's–it's beautiful. What you've done to yourself, what you've become… and you did all that for me? ''[pause]'' Now that… ''that'' is devotion. You know, William, I know we're not exactly equals, but I'm compelled to say… you are the only one that's ever challenged me. And there's a part of me that will be sad to see you go.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[A-Train gets badly injured while being chased by Homelander, who eventually catches up to him]''
:'''Homelander''': Looks like someone ''can'' catch the A-Train after all. End of the road, buddy boy.
:''[A-Train starts laughing at Homelander as he gets back up]''
:'''Homelander''': What's so funny?
:'''A-Train''': What was I so afraid of? You are… fucking nothing.
:'''Homelander''': Really?
:''[Homelander lifts A-Train and pins him against a tree]''
:'''A-Train''': ''[grunts]'' Really. You're just an empty fucking suit. Take away these powers… and what are you, huh? A pathetic… weak… sniveling fucking loser.
:''[Homelander wraps his hand around A-Train's neck and slowly chokes him. A-Train continues laughing until Homelander snaps his neck, killing him instantly.]''
===''"Teenage Kix"'' [5.02]===
:'''Oh Father''': We fight hellfire with holy fire! We fight with the ballot box! We fight with the ammo box! Matthew 10:34 — "I do not come to bring the peace, but a sword"! You are not here to be blessed, you are here to do war!
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Homelander''': Goddammit, A-Train. It didn't need to come to this. I don't know, you left me no choice! I know that my leadership style can be stern, but it was for your own good! I like to think of myself as the big brother that you never had. You remember that girlfriend you had? Uh... Pop... Popfang. Betrayed us both, to William Butcher, no less. Huge mess, your fault. What did I do? ''What did I do?'' I gave you a chance to make things right, I reached out my hand... and you bit it! What did I ever do to deserve that? What, was I too nurturing? Too forgiving? Well, maybe. But dammit, you weren't like the others: Snakes, backstabbers. I could count on you, man. I ''did'' count on you I loved you... But here we are. Why does this keep happening to me? I guess the strongest men are the most alone. You wouldn't understand. Nobody does.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Homelander releases Soldier Boy from his cryogenic chamber at Vought Tower. Soldier Boy wakes up the next morning in Homelander's bedroom.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': What the fuck?
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay, I don't wanna hurt you. You're safe, okay? You've been in deep freeze again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Oh, Jesus Christ. For how long?
:'''Homelander''': Almost two years in a CIA black site. I just found out this morning.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You found out this morning?
:'''Homelander''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But that just happens to be in your room? ''[pause]'' Did you fuck me?
:'''Homelander''': What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Is this some kind of incest thing?
:'''Homelander''': No!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Then, what the fuck is this?
:'''Homelander''': ''[stammers]'' Look, I... I want you to find William Butcher.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Find him yourself.
:'''Homelander''': Well, the people that work for me are limited. And you are the best tracker there is. I just–I need you to find him and report back. Very simple.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You want me… to work for you?
:'''Homelander''': Well, why don't we say "work ''with'' me"? And... I can help you. I can give you a proper comeback.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I don't need you for that.
:'''Homelander''': Well, the whole world does think that you're a Russian spy, so…
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[takes a deep breath]'' Okay. Alright, listen to me. I'm no ass-felching Commie. You got that?!
:'''Homelander''': I know, I know. And listen, I am Vought now. Me. So, the public, they're gonna believe that you are whatever I tell them you are. I can resurrect you. I can give you back what you lost. I can even make you number two in The Seven.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Number two? ''[Homelander nods]'' Or how about I finish the job, and blast you to Kingdom Fuck.
:'''Homelander''': Yeah, you could try. Who knows, you might even fry the V right out of my blood. Or you might not. But I'm betting that you hate William Butcher more than you hate... me. After all, I'm–I'm not the one that betrayed you, am I?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I tried to kill you. The minute I turn my back, how do I know you won't return the favor?
:'''Homelander''': Look...
:''[Homelander picks up Soldier Boy's shield and gives it to him]''
:'''Homelander''': You find William Butcher for me… all is forgiven.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat; looks at the shield]'' Looks like a fuckin' kindergarten ashtray.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Homelander''': Soldier Boy, ''[points at Calhoun and Ashley]'' this is the President, Vice President of the United States of America. They work for me. Everyone, Soldier Boy is gonna be number two in The Seven once he has located William Butcher and Annie January.
:'''The Deep''': What? Wait–Wait, what, sir? No, sir. I... I can do this. I can bring them in.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, like you did with A-Train? We're going in a new direction, Deep. Competence. ''[to Calhoun]'' Oh, and Steve, Soldier Boy's gonna need a full pardon.
:'''Calhoun''': Well, sir, he–he was guilty of... you know, treason. ''[pause; Homelander just stares at him]'' Consider it done, sir.
:'''Homelander''': Terrific. And you know what? I'm sure the man's dying for a drink. Uh, Steve, can you make him a…
:'''Soldier Boy''': Manhattan.
:'''Homelander''': Manhattan. Thanks, Steve.
:'''Calhoun''': Of course. Can I get you a glass of milk, sir?
:'''Homelander''': ''[sternly]'' No. Steven… I'll also have a Manhattan.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Goddamn. Since when could Supes teabag the President?
:'''Homelander''': Since me.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher sees Hughie looking despondent on their way back to the Teenage Kix mansion]''
:'''Butcher''': Oi, fuckin' smile, Hughie. I mean, ain't you a little glad A-Train's dead?
:'''Hughie''': …No, I'm not glad he's dead. A-Train did a lot of horrible things, but he saved our lives, and he died a hero. A real hero. There are a lot of other Supes that don't deserve to die either.
:'''Butcher''': Listen, I know you just done a year in the gulag. You've earned your seat at the table, so... I'll give it to ya straight. You gotta knock this wet, gaping pussy shite on the head, mate. Ain't doin' no one no favours. Especially your girl. I mean, that's why she's givin' you the cold shoulder.
:'''Hughie''': Don't talk to me about Annie. You don't know what's going on with her.
:'''Butcher''': Well, I know that she finally knows the fuckin' score. And she knows that you poncin' about with this Jiminy Cricket, "listen to your heart" bollocks is just gonna get her killed.
:'''Hughie''': Is there any part of you left that's still human? ''[pause]'' You're gonna get Annie killed, not me… but I won't let you do it.
:'''Butcher''': Noted.
:''[A shield suddenly pierces the windshield of the Boys' truck. Hughie catches the virus vial right as they crash into another vehicle.]''
:'''Hughie''': Fuck!
:'''Kimiko''': Hughie, the vial!
:'''Hughie''': It's good. ''[stares at the shield]'' Wait, is that...?
:''[They see Soldier Boy walking up the street towards them]''
:'''Butcher''': Well, well, well.
:'''Kimiko''': He's dead, right? He's supposed to be dead?
:'''Butcher''': Supposed to be. Mallory put him in ice for a bit.
:'''Hughie''': ''[slowly turns to face Butcher]'' You're telling us this ''now?''
:'''Butcher''': Somebody up there likes us, mate.
:'''Hughie''': In what fucking way?!
:'''Butcher''': Well, we wanted a guinea pig. Who better than Homelander's old man? New plan.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Butcher''': Oi. Ain't you supposed to be a giant ice dіldо?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Aren't you supposed to be smart? Renting a truck under the name "Don T. Beakunt." Same alias when we headed to Herogasm.
:'''Butcher''': Well, oldie, but a goodie.
:''[Soldier Boy sees Hughie and Kimiko get out of the truck and run away]''
:'''Butcher''': No, mate. Just you and me.
:''[Soldier Boy shoots Butcher three times, but to no avail. Butcher, still standing, looks down at his chest then looks back up at Soldier Boy.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': I guess it's true. You're one of us now.
:'''Butcher''': Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Then fuckin' beat 'em.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Being super is not gonna save you.
:'''Butcher''': That don't stop us helpin' each other. Homelander's double the cunt now, if that's even possible. He needs doin' more than ever. You still fancy his seat on The Seven, don't ya?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Fuck you! We had a deal! I held up my end of the bargain, and you sold me out. Put me back in a fucking box! And for what? 'Cause I was gonna kill some dumb kid?
:'''Butcher''': That kid is your grandson.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well, was it worth it? You feeling good about that call right about now? Where is that fucking brat?
:'''Butcher''': Homelander's the one fuckin' you over, mate. Or did he mention that we've got an uber virus strong enough to kill every fuckin' Supe on the planet?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Bullshit.
:'''Butcher''': God's honest. The things this virus can do... ''Fuckin' diabolical.'' Why d'you think he sent you here instead of coming himself, hmm? You're the sacrificial cunt. Again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I guess we'll see.
:'''Butcher''': You don't get it, do ya? Me, Homelander, your old crew–Everyone fucks you over. Do you wanna know why? 'Cause you... are a dumb fuckin' twat.
----
:'''Soldier Boy''': Hughie Campbell. How is a useless cock-gobbler like you still alive?
:'''Hughie''': All your jokes are about dudes blowing dudes. You're kind of obsessed!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Is this the virus he was going on about? The so-called "Supe Killer"? Well, not today, you semen-swilling butt pirate.
:'''Hughie''': What?
===''"Every One of You Sons of Bitches"'' [5.03]===
:''[Homelander has a psychotic breakdown and hallucinates Madelyn Stillwell appearing to him as an angel]''
:'''Homelander''': Madelyn...!
:'''Madelyn''': Oh, my boy! My sweet boy... What is wrong? Why are you unhappy?
:'''Homelander''': My father and my son! Everything, it's all falling apart!
:'''Madelyn''': No! No, it's exactly what needed to happen. Yes, it's been foretold! You're about to ascend. Become immortal. Divine. A true god with the love of the world.
:'''Homelander''': But–
:'''Madelyn''': I know, you think love is weak and human. But who is more loved than Jesus? And why should he have more love than you? You save more people than he does. The one, true god...
:'''Homelander''': Yes... But how? How? Millions of people just hate me...
:'''Madelyn''': Well, then you baptize the unfaithful in their own blood. Rip babies from their mothers' wombs.
:'''Homelander''': Yes...
:'''Madelyn''': Skin parents in front of their children. Rid the world of the wicked.
:'''Homelander''': Yes...
:'''Madelyn''': The nonbelievers...
:'''Homelander''': They'll call me a monster...
:'''Madelyn''': Oh, the only ones left will be your faithful. And they will love you in their hearts. They'll cry happy tears at the mere thought of you. You have one last task, my love.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Soldier Boy''': Homelander?
:'''Homelander''': Up here.
:'''Soldier Boy''': What do you– ''[sees Homelander taking a bath]'' What in the fuck? Is that milk?
:'''Homelander''': Better. Breastmilk from the NICU at Mount Sinai.
:'''Soldier Boy''': So, what? You asked me up here so I could watch you swim in tit jizz?
:'''Homelander''': I wanna give you another chance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You wanna give ''me'' another chance?
:'''Homelander''': Yes. Help me find that V1.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I'd rather fist myself with a handful of razors. Besides, Cleopatra Jones said there's no V1 to find.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, there most certainly is. And I am going to find it.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Yeah? What makes you so sure?
:'''Homelander''': ''[smiling]'' An angel told me. It's my destiny.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Just when I thought there was a ceiling to how fuckin' weird you could get.
:'''Homelander''': Yes, yes. Make your jokes. You've been blessed with immortality, and what have you done with it? Drink and fuck yourself numb. You... You are a disappointment. You see... ''[stands up and gets out of the tub]'' I am not gonna waste my immortality. I am gonna take what's rightfully mine. I'm asking you if you want a seat at the table because you're my father. But with or without you... a reckoning is coming.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat]'' You know, all I see is a freak. A freak with a bushel of gray pubes. Try some Just for Men.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher takes Ryan to a pub to discuss his plan to kill Homelander with the Supe virus]''
:'''Butcher''': All you do is get him on the blower and tell him you wanna see him. When he rocks up, you chuck the shit in his face... and that'll be it.
:'''Ryan''': Why me?
:'''Butcher''': 'Cause he won't leave the fortress of cuntitude for anyone else.
:'''Ryan''': So this is what you wanted to talk to me about. Killing my dad.
:'''Butcher''': Listen, mate–
:'''Ryan''': Is that all you think I'm good for?
:'''Butcher''': I ain't gonna treat you like a kid no more, alright? You're done with that. Homelander raped your mum. He's gonna burn everything down, and you are the only one who can stop him. Now... Normally, I don't put no stock in any of that bollocks about destiny, but if anyone's got one, it's you.
:'''Ryan''': ''[pause; sighs]'' I throw this virus at him... what'll happen to me?
:'''Butcher''': You'll die. I'll be close by and we'll go together. Now... I ain't gonna lie to you. This… this is not what your mum wanted… But it's the only way. And it will be justice.
:'''Ryan''': You're asking me to kill myself?
:'''Butcher''': You wouldn't be the first lad to throw his life away in a war... but you would be the first to save the world doin' it. ''[beat; sighs heavily]'' I'll fetch us a pint.
:''[Later, Butcher returns with a pint of beer]''
:'''Butcher''': Here. Told her you were 30. ''[Ryan chuckles]'' Fuck the leather, fuck the lace, here's to the bird who sits on yer face. ''[takes a long sip of beer]''
:'''Ryan''': Where'd you pick that up?
:'''Butcher''': Me old man.
:'''Ryan''': You two close?
:'''Butcher''': Nah, not really. He was a... a piss artist. Used to lose all his money on the gee-gees–horses–and then, he'd come home, beat the livin' daylights outta Len and me. And then later, laugh about it with his mates. Yeah, he was a right cunt.
:'''Ryan''': Where is he now?
:'''Butcher''': Bottom of the Thames. I put him there, just the other day. Only wish I'd done it sooner, before he caused more... more damage.
:'''Ryan''': Butcher... Do you think that I could ever... That I might turn into my dad?
:'''Butcher''': …I don't know.
:'''Ryan''': ''[sighs]'' My mom... Aunt Grace... the others... All I do is hurt people. I can't be around anyone.
:'''Butcher''': Without us–without Supes–the world is a better, safer place.
:'''Ryan''': ''[beat]'' I'll do it.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Soldier Boy and Firecracker are on her TruthBomb talkshow set preparing for their interview together]''
:'''Firecracker''': It's an honor to have a great American like yourself on the show. I guess it runs in the family, huh? Homelander's father… Dang.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[looks at the gun at Firecracker's hip]'' Glock, huh? Never saw the appeal in foreign-made guns.
:'''Firecracker''': Well, this ain't your granddaddy's Glock. This here's a 9mm Gen 5, seven-round capacity with a crisp fuckin' break.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well, mine's a much longer barrel. ''[takes out his pistol]'' Battle-proven, all-American Colt 1911 chambered in .45 ACP. ''[cocks pistol]'' That'll blow your fuckin' panties off. Now, that little Glock–That's good for a late-night Harlem stroll, but uh, this here? That's a certified Kraut killer.
:'''Firecracker''': I think you mean an antique.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I mean a classic. You wanna give it a try? ''[Firecracker examines the pistol]'' Now, some can't handle the kick, but something tells me you'll do just fine.
:''[Cut to Soldier Boy and Firecracker in bed together after having sex]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': Whew. Well, I gotta hand it to you. I haven't fuckеd that hard since... since I railed Shari Lewis on the balcony of Studio 54.
:'''Firecracker''': I ain't got no idea who that is.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well... Hey, why the hairless pussy?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[gives Soldier Boy a disgusted look]'' What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I mean, what's the point of going down there if you're not gonna get a fat face full of fur? Is that how Homelander likes you? Like a baby?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[sighs]'' More like a mother.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But you two have fuckеd, right?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[shakes her head]'' Mm-mm.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Damn. I gotta admit, I was kinda just doing this as petty revenge against the freak.
:'''Firecracker''': That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? And you shouldn't say that about your son.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Ah, he thinks he's better than me.
:'''Firecracker''': He doesn't.
:'''Soldier Boy''': How do you know?
:'''Firecracker''': I don't know much, but I can read people. And the way he looks at you? Shoot. I ain't never seen him look at nobody like that.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Uh, that's not exactly a compliment, doll. He is the strangest mοthеrfuckеr I've ever known, and I've had a threesome with Gary Busey.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Ryan and Homelander meet up at the now-abandoned VoughtLand building]''
:'''Ryan''': Do you remember when you took me here? Pretended to care about me?
:'''Homelander''': I ''do'' care about you, son. I love you.
:'''Ryan''': ''[pause]'' I need to ask you–
:'''Homelander''': For my forgiveness? You already have it.
:'''Ryan''': What?
:'''Homelander''': Okay, let me finish. I put too much pressure on you to fill my boots. And–And I realize now that, uh... Well, that–that was impossible. But I do have some pretty exciting news. I am going to live forever now. I'll realize my own legacy. And you... ''[scoffs]'' you're off the hook. You can do whatever–
:'''Ryan''': Did you do it? Did you rapе my mom?
:'''Homelander''': What?! Of course not. Who told you–Did William Butcher tell you that? Your mother and I, we had an affair. A consensual affair between two adults.
:'''Ryan''': Your heart's racing.
:'''Homelander''': Well, yeah, because I'm shocked. And–And frankly, my heart's breaking a little bit that you could think I would do something like that.
:''[Ryan lasers Homelander, leaving a visible wound near his chest]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan... Ryan, stop!
:''[Ryan lunges at Homelander and shoves him against the wall. Homelander ducks below Ryan's fist to avoid getting punched by him.]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan! I don't know where this is coming from, because your mother… ''She'' came on to ''me.''
:''[Ryan punches Homelander twice and tries to laser him again. Homelander quickly dodges him again.]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan! Son... ''[moves away to avoid another punch]'' Ryan! Ryan, buddy... Look what came out of it. My son. A blessing! ''[Ryan attacks him again]'' Hey, hey! Stop!
:''[Ryan readies another laser, which gets redirected when Homelander grabs his face. He punches Homelander in the face again, but Homelander gets the upper hand and slams Ryan several times into a box. Homelander wipes blood away from his nose as Ryan whimpers in pain.]''
:'''Homelander''': Oh, Ryan... Dammit. Look at what you made me do. ''[pause; kneels down to restrain Ryan]'' Shh... Shh, shh, shh. Hey... It's okay. My sweet, sweet boy.
:''[Homelander proceeds to punch Ryan repeatedly in the face until he is beaten nearly to death]''
===''"King of Hell"'' [5.04]===
:'''Homelander''': I need you for something.
:'''Firecracker''': You do?
:'''Homelander''': I have received the most wonderful message. I was visited... by an angel. And she foretold my destiny.
:'''Firecracker''': Wow. Well, praise be. And what is it?
:'''Homelander''': God.
:'''Firecracker''': Sir, that is wonderful. There is no higher calling than servin' the Lord.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, no. Not serving the Lord. Being the Lord. I am the Messiah. I'm the savior of the world.
:'''Firecracker''': The... Messiah?
:'''Homelander''': Yes.
:''[Firecracker smiles despite her being clearly disturbed by Homelander's delusions]''
:'''Firecracker''': Um... Congrats.
:'''Homelander''': Thank you. ''[pause; Firecracker giggles nervously]'' I always knew I was special. I knew it. I suffered. I suffered so many hardships, and I... I couldn't understand why, but you... You... You always saw it, didn't you? You knew all along I was special. That is why I have chosen you to spread the word of my coming.
:'''Firecracker''': How?
:'''Homelander''': Well, we control the most powerful media apparatus on Earth. Jesus would kill for our marketing. What do you say?
:'''Firecracker''': ...Well, you know I would do anything for you, sir.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Boys are hiking through the woods near Fort Harmony]''
:'''Kimiko''': It's weird. No birds or animals. It's like…
:'''Butcher''': Fuckin' hell. ''[to Mother's Milk]'' Had to park on the other side of the state, didn't ya?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Well, if the hike's too hard, why don't you try tying your boots, mοthеrfuckеr.
:''[Hughie is shocked to see a heavily decomposed corpse]''
:'''Hughie''': Oh, fuck that.
:'''Butcher''': Eh. Not really my type, son.
:'''Hughie''': Hey, how about showing a little respect?
:'''Mother's Milk''': You know, Hughie's right, Butcher. You should take her out to dinner first. ''[chuckles; sighs]'' Let's see here. Based on the decomp, these bodies have been here for a while.
:'''Frenchie''': Something ripped them apart. Whatever killed those Boy Scouts might still stalk these woods.
:'''Butcher''': Let's get a move on, then. Didn't come out here to get bummed by Bigfoot.
:''[...]''
:'''Butcher''': Any sign of Super Cunt?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Could already be inside.
:'''Butcher''': Well, let's find out.
:'''Kimiko''': ''[to Hughie]'' What's wrong?
:'''Hughie''': Annie.
:'''Kimiko''': She'll come back.
:'''Hughie''': No. I almost died, but she made it all about her and she took off. I mean, last year, I got bad-touched by a shape-shifter, and she still found a way to make it about her. She can be such a fucking bitch. ''[pause; sees Kimiko looking at him in shock]'' Uh... Jesus. Sorry, I–I didn't mean for that to come out so harsh.
:''[The Boys see an entire field littered with animal carcasses]''
:'''Butcher''': ''Fuckin' hell.''
:'''Mother's Milk''': The fuck happened here?
:'''Frenchie''': Our V'd-up beast enjoyed an amuse-bouche, perhaps?
:'''Butcher''': Well, explains why we didn't hear no animals.
:'''Kimiko''': I said that ten minutes ago.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[The Boys discover more decomposed corpses as they make their way downstairs to the lab inside Fort Harmony]''
:'''Butcher''': Fuckin' hell. They've been here a minute, haven't they?
:'''Frenchie''': Decades. Hunters... ''[pause; notices the knives embedded in the corpses]'' Look at their knives. These men, they killed each other. What if there is a monster here, but it's us?
:'''Butcher''': What the fuck are you on about, Frenchie?
:'''Frenchie''': [[w:Toxoplasma gondii|Toxoplasmosis]]. It's a parasite in cat shit. It can infect humans. Makes them react with explosive anger.
:'''Hughie''': You think we ate cat shit?
:'''Frenchie''': Ate? No... If the V1 spilled into the groundwater, it could mutate the plants. Their spores fill us with rage, we murder each other, and ''voilà''. We're plant food for these vines.
:'''Hughie''': Okay, so like [[w:The Last of Us (video game)|''The Last of Us'']]?
:'''Frenchie''': No, that is just [[w:The Walking Dead (comic book)|''The Walking Dead'']] with mushrooms. The dead campers, the animals, these hunters... Surely, you all see how strangely you've been acting.
:'''Kimiko''': Us? I've seen you blow cоcaіnе up your dіckhole.
:'''Frenchie''': Wait... You have a point. The copious amount of drug I've taken for decades has surely altered my brain chemistry. That's why I'm not affected. Guess being a junkie was good for something after all.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[laughs]'' Romeo and fuckin' Juliet. You two survive this war, I give you six months tops.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Homelander and Soldier Boy search the ground floor of Fort Harmony while the Boys are in the basement below looking for the V1]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[sniffs]'' Smells like deer piss. The last time I was here, I was fresh off the front lines, still picking Nazi brains out of my hair. And only the best of the best got selected for Dr. Vought's trials.
:'''Homelander''': Hmmph.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Not soft little hog-chompers.
:'''Homelander''': Of course. No, I forgot how tough you were.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Hey, I'm not the weirdo who doesn't fuck. I mean, your cock's as useless as your cape. What's the point of being famous if you're not getting your dіck wet?
:'''Homelander''': Oh, my dіck was sopping wet when I pulled it out of Stormfront and wiped it on her fucking chin!
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[pause; looks down at the decomposed corpses]'' Ooh, look. More uggos.
:'''Homelander''': Friends of yours?
:''[They unknowingly set off the motion detector that the Boys set up near the stairs]''
:'''Mother's Milk''': Oh, shit. They're right above us.
:'''Butcher''': We best get the fuck outta here. Come on.
:'''Hughie''': Hey. Hey, what about the V1?
:'''Mother's Milk''': If Bombsight has the V1, then it saves us from havin' to torch it.
:'''Hughie''': What are you talking about? Who's "us"?
:'''Butcher''': ''[beat]'' What? You think the world needs more immortal cunts, do ya?
:'''Hughie''': We need it to save Annie and Kimiko! You've been planning this this whole time, haven't you?!
:'''Frenchie''': Shh. Homelander will hear us.
:'''Hughie''': ''[to Mother's Milk]'' And you, you've just been going along with it again.
:'''Mother's Milk''': We can't take the risk, Hughie. And if she has to be collateral damage so that Homelander dies and my daughter lives, we ain't got no fucking choice!
:'''Kimiko''': Oh, easy for you to say. It won't fucking kill you!
:'''Butcher''': Well, at least he knows when to keep his gob shut and do as he's fuckin' told!
:'''Frenchie''': Shh!
:'''Mother's Milk''': Excuse me?
:'''Frenchie''': No, no, no. We don't have time for this. We need to find a way out now.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[pause]'' Wanna know a little secret, Butcher? I ''cheered'' when I found out that you were dying, 'cause at least we'd finally be done with your miserable ass.
:'''Hughie''': You know, I used to say to these guys, "Don't give up on Butcher. There's good in him fighting to get out." I was wrong. If there was ''anything'' human in there, it's dead. Underneath that chestful of octo-cocks, you are just a fucking monster.
:'''Butcher''': Well, maybe I like it better that way.
:'''Hughie''': That parasite's not just in you. It ''is'' you. ''You're'' the cancer!
:'''Frenchie''': ''Lower your voices.''
:'''Hughie''': You are just as bad as Homelander, maybe worse. And I'm not gonna let you drag us all down with you.
:'''Butcher''': And whatcha gonna do about it?
:'''Hughie''': I'll fucking kill you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Homelander''': ''[chuckles]'' Tough guy, my ass.
:'''Soldier Boy''': What?
:'''Homelander''': You, your whole bit. This whole "guts and glory" thing. What a fucking joke. I read your classified file. Your brother won a Silver Star for bravery at Anzio, and that's what made you beg your father to buy you a spot in Dr. Vought's trials. Because it killed you to see your brother dripping in all that glory, making you look all the more feeble in comparison.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You don't know shit about me.
:'''Homelander''': Really? I know that when they tried to inject you with the V, you were so fucking petrified that they had to strap you to the table. And you pissed yourself, crying for your mommy like the whiny, spoiled little rich boy that you are. They gave you the world, and you? You deserve ''nothing.''
:''[Soldier Boy stands by as Homelander walks into a small chamber]''
:'''Homelander''': ''[sighs]'' Oh, Christ. What's this shithole now?
:''[Soldier Boy shuts the door while Homelander isn't looking and turns the wheel to lock him inside the chamber]''
:'''Homelander''': What are you doing?!
:''[Soldier Boy bends the wheel with his bare hands and tears it off the door]''
:'''Homelander''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, well done. I'll be out of here in 30 seconds!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Maybe. Maybe not.
:''[Soldier Boy pulls down a lever to open a radioactive valve. Homelander's face immediately starts blistering from the radiation.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': It's enriched uranium. They'd stick us Supes in there to see if we could survive an atomic bomb. Now, for a normal joe, they'd be dead in minutes. But for you, it's a stomach flu. Good luck, though, getting out of a Supe-proof cell while you're bleeding out of your ass.
:''[Homelander fails to kill Soldier Boy by lasering him. He punches the glass as Soldier Boy walks off.]''
:'''Homelander''': Where are you going?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I'm gonna go destroy any V1 that I find, you Triple Crown cock jockey.
:'''Homelander''': Why?
:'''Soldier Boy''': You don't get it, do you? How much I can't fucking stand you.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Butcher sees Homelander trapped inside the uranium chamber]''
:'''Butcher''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, if only the world could see you now. Not so fuckin' super, are ya? You, uh... ''[points at Homelander's face]'' You got a bit of... ''[pause; Homelander coughs]'' Did your dad put you in timeout? Ooh… That's gotta sting, knowin' he'd rather spend eternity all alone than with the likes of you. What's the matter? Cunt got your tongue? Will wonders ever cease? ''[chuckles; lights cigarette]'' Tell me something. If you do get the juice in you, you think that makes you a god, don't ya? Seems like I know you pretty well after all. Which is why I know that even if you had a billion twats garglin' your bollocks and singin' "Hosanna", you still wouldn't be happy. 'Cause deep down, you're just a weak, thin-skinned, needy little boy. You beat the shit outta your own son. Don't get weaker than that.
:'''Homelander''': ''[laughs weakly while groaning in pain]'' Ryan is alive… because he's strong. 'Cause he's my son. The son of God.
:'''Butcher''': You ain't no god. How's about I go fetch the virus, and then we'll watch you shit your fuckin' spine out?
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' You don't have it, do you? The virus.
:'''Butcher''': …Don't I?
:'''Homelander''': No, you don't. You would have used it by now. ''[coughs; laughs hysterically]'' You have no way to stop me, do you? Oh, William. You have no idea what you're up against. You can't intervene. I ''will'' get the V1, and when I do, I'm gonna flay you alive. You, Starlight–All the nonbelievers. You're all gonna ''fuckin' drown'' in your own blood.
:'''Butcher''': I promise you, before I die... I'll fuckin' have you. ''[walks away]''
:'''Homelander''': YOU'RE ALL FUCKING PASTE! I can take what's mine, and that makes this WHOLE FUCKING SHITBALL ''MY BIRTHRIGHT! '''MY DESTINY!'''''
===''"One-Shots"'' [5.05]===
:'''Firecracker''': We ain't doin' that again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what you said the last six times.
:'''Firecracker''': No, I really mean it this time.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You seem a little out of it. Did you nut? 'Cause usually, you nut.
:'''Firecracker''': ''[sighs]'' Were you baptized?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill. Governor Sproul did the honors. My family kept up appearances, of course. Then, we never set foot in church again.
:'''Firecracker''': I had lunch today with the reverend who baptized me. He's been gettin' heat to switch over to our church. You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him? Just... give him a little more time? I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
:'''Soldier Boy''': So you didn't nut? You know, this whole Homelander as God shit, it's... it's fucking ridiculous.
:'''Firecracker''': Really? You think so?
:'''Soldier Boy''': If he's the second coming, then what does that make me? Joseph? I mean, talk about the biggest cuck in history. Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin, and then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet. Fuck that.
:'''Firecracker''': I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Okay.
:'''Firecracker''': Of course I worship Homelander. I mean, he's always been a god to me.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Look, I'll tell you this. If there is a God... sure as hell didn't come out of my balls. ''[pause]'' I gotta go.
:'''Firecracker''': Where you off to?
:'''Soldier Boy''': L.A… I fucking hate L.A.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Firecracker is filming her new episode of TruthBomb and starts reading her opening monologue from a teleprompter]''
:'''Firecracker''': Welcome to ''Truthbomb''. Our top story tonight's a personal one. It's the story of my hometown church, Holy Baptist of Daytona. It was the church I grew up in. Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday. But that church... That church…
:''[The teleprompter stops scrolling]''
:'''Firecracker''': ''[beat]'' That church... has become a hotbed of Starlighter infestation. And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by Starlight's seditious propaganda. Now... I never told a soul this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me over for supper. Alone. ''[pause; chuckles]'' No. Nothing ever happened to me, but... ''[sighs]'' I heard stories about his "Fish Fry Fridays." And if that ain't code for child groomin', I don't know what is. How much longer are we gonna let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies? Americans deserve better. They deserve... Homelander. They deserve the Democratic Church of America. ''[starts crying]''
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Soldier Boy''': Would you like some knee pads?
:'''The Deep''': Sorry, what?
:'''Soldier Boy''': You're looking at me like you wanna suck my hog, so I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.
:'''Homelander''': Go easy on the little guy. He brought me Stan Edgar.
:'''The Deep''': Thank you, sir.
:'''Homelander''': You may leave. ''[to Soldier Boy once The Deep leaves]'' What crawled up your shithole?
:'''Soldier Boy''': No idea what you mean.
:'''Homelander''': When you're pissy, you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Stan Edgar still stonewalling you?
:'''Homelander''': I've talked to him three times now. Says he has no idea where the V1 is. Heart rate steady as a rock. I'm starting to believe him.
:'''Soldier Boy''': That slippery fuck used to fetch my cоcaіnе. ''[pause]'' You know what? I have an idea. Why don't I take a crack at him? ''[Homelander stares at him]'' What, you don't trust me?
:'''Homelander''': Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material and tried to stop me getting the V1, so I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You could've killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't. Maybe I feel like I owe you.
:'''Homelander''': Or maybe you're lying.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Maybe. ''[inhales deeply]'' Give me an hour. I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.
<hr width="50%"/>
:'''Hughie''': If you and M.M. still think–
:'''Butcher''': Oh, for fuck's sakes, Hughie. Knock it off with this V1 shite. You're doin' me fuckin' head in. ''[sees his dog Terror eating out of the trash]'' Oi, Terror. Cut it out. Come on. ''[to Hughie]'' Now, listen. If we do find that stuff, we're not makin' any fuckin' vaccines out of it, alright? We're not the department of fuckin' health. We burn that shit before Homelander gets his paws on it, and that's that.
:'''Hughie''': Well, if you wanna kill yourself, knock yourself out, but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
:'''Butcher''': Oh, 'cause I'm fuckin' right! 'Cause I've always been right! I've been tellin' you lot from the fuckin' start the sky is fallin', and guess what? The sky fuckin' fell.
:'''Hughie''': Well, you kinda helped bring it down.
:'''Butcher''': Oh, don't give me that bollocks. Listen, Homelander thinks he's a fuckin' god. Once he becomes immortal, he's gonna start killin' like one, and we are talkin' millions of people. Now, are you tellin' me you're honestly happy to risk all of that for a life on the run with your girl, knowin' that you could've stopped it?
:'''Hughie''': You can live with that, can you? What if it was Becca? You'd just let her die?
:'''Butcher''': …I ''did'' let her die.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Mister Marathon and Malchemical try to convince Soldier Boy to kill Homelander while he is unconscious]''
:'''Mister Marathon''': Hey, man, we don't have a problem with you. Honest, ''[stutters]'' but–but fuck this fucking guy. You know, he fuckеd my life. Look, if you help us get rid of him, then we all win, and you–you can have The Seven. And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I don't need to kill him to get The Seven.
:'''Mister Marathon''': No. Yeah, of course not, but what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church?
:'''Malchemical''': I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool. All the hοοkers, the drug dealers. They wanna ban pοrn. I mean, they wanna ban fucking abortions!
:'''Mister Marathon''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Exactly, for all of us. So, if we kill him, we can stop worrying about being cops or gods or asexual weirdos. You know, we can go back to fucking and–and being fucking awesome!
:'''Malchemical''': Look, we know you've got that fucked-up chest blast thing. I mean, I was at Herogasm. I saw it.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Just finish him now. Take away his powers, so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat]'' He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Yeah.
:'''Malchemical''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But as much as it pains me to say this, he's ''my'' fucking asexual weirdo. Nobody fucks my son but me.
:'''Mister Marathon''': What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': …That came out wrong.
<hr width="50%"/>
:''[Firecracker sees Homelander sitting on the couch in the Seven common room]''
:'''Firecracker''': Homelander… How was L.A.? Did you catch tonight's ''Truthbomb?''
:'''Homelander''': I did indeed. And it was a real barn-burner. Well done.
:'''Firecracker''': ''[smiles]'' Thank you, sir. That means the world.
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' How's sеx with my father? ''[Firecracker's smile disappears]'' Is he good at it? Are you thinking about me when you're making love to him?
:'''Firecracker''': I never meant to cross a line or offend you in...
:'''Homelander''': Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Don't fret, little one. I don't care about the sеx, really. But I ''do'' care about your little chats after sеx.
:'''Firecracker''': Sir, whatever Soldier Boy told you, I can assure you that I...
:'''Homelander''': You mean your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh, Jesus? Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
:'''Firecracker''': No, you are my one and only savior.
:'''Homelander''': You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird. ''[sighs; gets up from the couch]'' You're supposed to worship me, love me and me alone.
:'''Firecracker''': I do.
:'''Homelander''': I believed in you. Turns out, you don't believe in me. ''[pause]'' I need you to collect your things and leave.
:'''Firecracker''': But I ''do'' believe in you. I love you! I am the only one here who ever has! I gave you ''everything!'' I gave you my soul! Everybody else here, they're just... They're just scared of you. Or they want something from you, but I have always loved you for you. Just the strongest, smartest, best man on Earth.
:'''Homelander''': ''[scoffs]'' Man?
:'''Firecracker''': No, no, no, no, no. A god. No. No, ''the'' God. My Lord, that look you used to get when you'd suckle me? I felt like Mother Mary herself. I felt blessed to nourish someone as important as you. ''[pause; Homelander sighs]'' But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it? You cast me out into the cold, which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place. So all I have been tryin' to do is to get you to see me the way that you used to. Hell, only reason I was with Soldier Boy was that your reflected light is better than no light at all. Please, sir. I love you. We all need love, don't we? Even God.
:''[Homelander reaches his hand out to touch Firecracker's cheek, then kills her by impaling her head on the wing of an eagle statue]''
[[Category:The Boys (TV series) seasons]]
117bvlb64djjbkmg1povqxifwr0bzet
Clarice Palce
0
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2026-04-30T22:05:53Z
GrimRob
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Adding VFD with [[User:PieWriter/vfd|tool]]
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{{vfd-new}}
{{People-cleanup}}
'''Clarice Palce''' is the current Secretary General of Grabiela, a prominent national alliance of women's oranizations in the Philippines. As a Gen Z activist and one of the youngest to hold this leadership position, she actively campaigns on issues such as women's rights, economic crises, human rights, and opposition to government policies like oil price hikes.
[[https://newsinfo.inquiries.net/2061901/gabriela-ordinary-civilians-far-more-vulnarable-to-military-abuses/amp`]]
== Quotes ==
* "Aktibista ang GABRIELA at kami ay galit sa mga bastos at manyak na trapo!" - Clarice Palce GABRIELA Secretary-General Response to Christian Sia's non-apology.
* These attacks follow a familiar playbook-discredit the messenger to dismiss the message" - Gabriella calls out 'attacks' on women journalist covering Duterte case [[https://globalnation.inquirer.net/269426/gabriela-calls-out-attacks-on-women-journalists-covering-duterte-case/amp]]
== References ==
<ref>INQUIRER.NET.Gabriela:Ordinary Civilians far more vulnerable to military abuses. [[https://newsinfo.inquiries.net/2061901/gabriela-ordinary-civilians-far-more-vulnarable-to-military-abuses/amp`]]</ref>
<ref Kathleen De Villa. 2025 [[https://newsinfo.inquiries.net/2061901/gabriela-ordinary-civilians-far-more-vulnarable-to-military-abuses/amp`]]</ref>
{{DEFAULTSORT:Palce, Clarice}}
qrk8jydbkx3wyfr8n6ynxrjv68od6ki
Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Louis Bulaong
4
306749
3934967
3934848
2026-04-30T12:50:26Z
UDScott
4304
/* Louis Bulaong */ Delete
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== [[:Louis Bulaong]] ==
Louis Bulaong has been deleted from en WP. We should do the same. See https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia%3AArticles%20for%20deletion%2FLouis%20Bulaong&redirect=no — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 12:17, 27 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 13:00, 4 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
* '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 12:17, 27 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''' per nom. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:11, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', for lack of notability. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:50, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
iz8igzhr3as1sk34qwlc6gls71zqod9
Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Yvonne Johnson
4
306817
3934968
3934849
2026-04-30T12:51:04Z
UDScott
4304
/* Yvonne Johnson */ Delete
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== [[:Yvonne Johnson]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:46, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
* '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:46, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''' per nom; also, quotability. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:12, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', per nom. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:51, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
fz1mwewlawvs75l3p12bhaf11omrc2y
Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Nancy Castiglione
4
306818
3934969
3934850
2026-04-30T12:51:42Z
UDScott
4304
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== [[:Nancy Castiglione]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:51, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
* '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:51, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''' per nom; also quotability. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:13, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', per nom. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:51, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
7s2lfgtytxzxvsgcswbforwcwozh18j
Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Phyll Opoku-Gyimah
4
306819
3934970
3934861
2026-04-30T12:53:05Z
UDScott
4304
/* Phyll Opoku-Gyimah */ Keep
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== [[:Phyll Opoku-Gyimah]] ==
Non-notable. Quotability. — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:16, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 00:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:16, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:16, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Keep''' - I believe this person is notable and I don't really have an issue with the quote itself either. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
909eadhejdxlmb7w6akp86au8aawhhp
Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Xia Vigor
4
306820
3934971
3934859
2026-04-30T12:53:36Z
UDScott
4304
/* Xia Vigor */ Delete
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== [[:Xia Vigor]] ==
Quotability. Please ease off on minor (in both senses of the term) actors and actresses. — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:25, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 00:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:25, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''', per nom. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:53, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
815zauhnt5abij6tboyu87ye54puewh
Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Mack Horton
4
306821
3934972
3934866
2026-04-30T12:54:26Z
UDScott
4304
/* Mack Horton */ Delete
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== [[:Mack Horton]] ==
Quotability. First quote is just self-promotion. Second is hardly quotable. — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:30, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 00:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:30, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', per nom. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:54, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
nz1xr24wbbzllhyoq0rikk2smabkkx1
3935140
3934972
2026-04-30T22:00:09Z
GrimRob
1187925
/* Mack Horton */
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== [[:Mack Horton]] ==
Quotability. First quote is just self-promotion. Second is hardly quotable. — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:30, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 00:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:30, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Delete''', per nom. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:54, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
* '''Comment''', I don't follow swimming but second quote sounds probably worth keeping should we have a general page for something like [[w:Doping in sport]] in WQ, but not worth keeping at the individual level in the absence of anything else. Drugs in sport is a massive subject with loads of quotes when taken as a whole.
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Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Barbara Mogae
4
306822
3934973
3934872
2026-04-30T12:56:06Z
UDScott
4304
/* Barbara Mogae */ Delete
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== [[:Barbara Mogae]] ==
Quotability. Unnecessary pablum. — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:46, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 00:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:46, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''', agree that the quotes are not very memorable. This person is notable, so if better quotes were found, a page for this person could be recreated. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:56, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
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Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Afro Candy
4
306824
3934974
3934877
2026-04-30T12:57:07Z
UDScott
4304
/* Afro Candy */ Delete
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== [[:Afro Candy]] ==
Quotability. No porn stars, please; we're at least trying to pretend this is a serious project. — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:51, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 00:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:51, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''' - I don't have an issue with this person's profession, but the quotes are not really worth preserving. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:57, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
6vmjpvkf0ky92ryt9d0dkmnbcgh1znp
3935132
3934974
2026-04-30T21:49:27Z
GrimRob
1187925
/* Afro Candy */
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== [[:Afro Candy]] ==
Quotability. No porn stars, please; we're at least trying to pretend this is a serious project. — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:51, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 00:00, 6 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 23:51, 29 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''' - I don't have an issue with this person's profession, but the quotes are not really worth preserving. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:57, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''', per nom
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Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Tayla Kinsey
4
306831
3934975
3934957
2026-04-30T12:57:32Z
UDScott
4304
/* Tayla Kinsey */ Delete
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== [[:Tayla Kinsey]] ==
Notability. Quotability ("Quotes" here are what any athlete says in any interview. "The coach is getting them ready". Great; never would have suspected that!). — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 11:49, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 12:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 11:49, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''', per nom. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:57, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
ra9u1wt614zxkraard4pscs7s8lwock
3935131
3934975
2026-04-30T21:48:30Z
GrimRob
1187925
/* Tayla Kinsey */
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== [[:Tayla Kinsey]] ==
Notability. Quotability ("Quotes" here are what any athlete says in any interview. "The coach is getting them ready". Great; never would have suspected that!). — [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 11:49, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 12:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>.
*'''Delete''' as nominator. [[User:Markjoseph125|Markjoseph125]] ([[User talk:Markjoseph125|talk]]) 11:49, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''', per nom. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:57, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
*'''Delete''', per nom, BAU quotes for any sportsperson.
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Luis Manuel Otero Alcántara
0
306833
3934978
2026-04-30T13:21:33Z
ComedyKid13117
3254516
Created page with "Luis Manuel Ortero Alcántara (December 12, 1987- Present) is a Cuban performance artist and dissident. Since 2018 Alcántara has been arrested dozens of times for his performances in violation of Decree 349, a Cuban law requiring artists to obtain advance permission for public and private exhibitions and performances. == Quotes: == * "There rises within me a rebellious spirit, that does not allow me to resign myself," https://hyperallergic.com/cuban-artist-luis-man..."
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Luis Manuel Ortero Alcántara (December 12, 1987- Present) is a Cuban performance artist and dissident. Since 2018 Alcántara has been arrested dozens of times for his performances in violation of Decree 349, a Cuban law requiring artists to obtain advance permission for public and private exhibitions and performances.
== Quotes: ==
* "There rises within me a rebellious spirit, that does not allow me to resign myself,"
https://hyperallergic.com/cuban-artist-luis-manuel-otero-alcantara-message-of-defiance-from-prison/
* "I love freedom more than life itself,"
https://latinoamerica21.com/en/the-cuban-artist-the-regime-fears-most/
gaj7xs19tcg3qpz9qb58qeqg3ype5ui
3934979
3934978
2026-04-30T13:27:06Z
UDScott
4304
UDScott moved page [[Luis Manuel Ortero Alcántara]] to [[Luis Manuel Otero Alcántara]]: Misspelling
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Luis Manuel Ortero Alcántara (December 12, 1987- Present) is a Cuban performance artist and dissident. Since 2018 Alcántara has been arrested dozens of times for his performances in violation of Decree 349, a Cuban law requiring artists to obtain advance permission for public and private exhibitions and performances.
== Quotes: ==
* "There rises within me a rebellious spirit, that does not allow me to resign myself,"
https://hyperallergic.com/cuban-artist-luis-manuel-otero-alcantara-message-of-defiance-from-prison/
* "I love freedom more than life itself,"
https://latinoamerica21.com/en/the-cuban-artist-the-regime-fears-most/
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'''[[w:Luis Manuel Otero Alcántara|Luis Manuel Otero Alcántara]]''' (December 12, 1987- Present) is a Cuban performance artist and dissident. Since 2018 Alcántara has been arrested dozens of times for his performances in violation of [[w:Decree 349|Decree 349]], a Cuban law requiring artists to obtain advance permission for public and private exhibitions and performances.
== Quotes ==
* There rises within me a rebellious spirit, that does not allow me to resign myself.
** [https://hyperallergic.com/cuban-artist-luis-manuel-otero-alcantara-message-of-defiance-from-prison/]
* I love freedom more than life itself.
** [https://latinoamerica21.com/en/the-cuban-artist-the-regime-fears-most/]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Alcántara, Luis Manuel Otero}}
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+[[Category:Artists from Cuba]]; +[[Category:Political activists]]; +[[Category:1987 births]]; +[[Category:Living people]]; +[[Category:Performance artists]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]
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'''[[w:Luis Manuel Otero Alcántara|Luis Manuel Otero Alcántara]]''' (December 12, 1987- Present) is a Cuban performance artist and dissident. Since 2018 Alcántara has been arrested dozens of times for his performances in violation of [[w:Decree 349|Decree 349]], a Cuban law requiring artists to obtain advance permission for public and private exhibitions and performances.
== Quotes ==
* There rises within me a rebellious spirit, that does not allow me to resign myself.
** [https://hyperallergic.com/cuban-artist-luis-manuel-otero-alcantara-message-of-defiance-from-prison/]
* I love freedom more than life itself.
** [https://latinoamerica21.com/en/the-cuban-artist-the-regime-fears-most/]
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Alcántara, Luis Manuel Otero}}
[[Category:Artists from Cuba]]
[[Category:Political activists]]
[[Category:1987 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Performance artists]]
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Luis Manuel Ortero Alcántara
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#REDIRECT [[Luis Manuel Otero Alcántara]]
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Category:Artists from Cuba
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Created page with "[[Category:Artists by country|Cuba]] [[Category:People from Cuba by occupation]]"
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[[Category:Artists by country|Cuba]]
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John Call Dalton
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'''{{w|John Call Dalton}}''' (February 2, 1825 – February 12, 1889) was an American professor of {{w|physiology}} and microscopal anatomy, [[vivisection]] activist, and {{w|surgeon}} who served for the Union during the [[American Civil War]]. He was elected in 1864 a Member of the United States {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}.
==Quotes==
* The student who has commenced his career during the last few years, can but form a faint idea of what it was to do or even to witness a severe [[surgery|surgical operation]] previous to 1847. Then the {{w|Operating theater|operating theatre}}, from the commencement to the end of the {{w|surgeon}}'s performances, was a scene of pain and terror. The spectator's mind was half occupied in preserving an exterior of pretended indifference, and the air was filled with the patient's screams of suffering or apprehension. Now the operating theatre is a quiet and noiseless room.
** {{cite book|title=Introductory address delivered at the College of Physicians and Surgeons, New York; October 16, 1855|year=1855|location=New York|publisher=John J. Schroeder, medical bookseller|url=https://archive.org/details/introductoryadd00daltgoog|page=9}}
* It was an important discovery when it was found, ten years ago, that [[bacteria]] might be developed in the interior of the living animal organism. In 1863 and 1864, {{w|Casimir Davaine|Davaine}} ... showed that in the disease of [[sheep]], known in France as {{w|Anthrax|“ ''charbon'' " or " ''sang de rate''," and called by the Germans " ''milz-brand’’,”}} the blood of the affected animal, during life, contained bacteria. He showed that the disease might be communicated by inoculation to other animals, always with a fatal result, and always with the development of bacteria in the blood previous to death. He afterward ... extended the same observation to cases of malignant pustule, which he declared to be one form of the " ''sang de rate'' " disease.
** {{cite book|title=The origin and propagation of disease: An address delivered before the New York Academy of Medicine, November 20, 1873|location=New York|publisher=D. Appleton & Company|year=1874|page=25|url=https://archive.org/details/originpropagatio00dalt}}
* It is a universal [[conviction]] that [[Animals|animal]] life is properly to be sacrificed whenever it may be necessary for the [[:wiktionary:welfare|welfare]] of [[:wiktionary:mankind|mankind]]. Nothing is more essential to this welfare, than the preservation of [[health]] and the relief or [[:wiktionary:cure|cure]] of [[disease]].
** {{cite book|title=Experimentation on Animals as a Means of Knowledge in Physiology, Pathology, and Practical Medicine|publisher=F. W. Christern|year=1875|url=https://books.google.com/books/about/Experimentation_on_Animals_as_a_Means_of.html?id=52sMAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA10|page=10}} (71 pages)
==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}
* [[Silas Weir Mitchell|S. Weir Mitchell]], [https://books.google.com/books?id=6rcAAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA177 Memoir of John Call Dalton, 1825–1889]’’. In: ''National Academy of Sciences : Biographical Memoirs''. – Washington, DC: National Academy of Sciences, 1895, Vol. III, pp. 177–185.
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dalton, John Call}}
[[Category:1825 births]]
[[Category:1889 deaths]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:Biochemists]]
[[Category:Harvard University alumni]]
[[Category:Members of the United States National Academy of Sciences]]
[[Category:Physiologists]]
[[Category:Science authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Scientists from Massachusetts]]
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Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/043
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== [[The Empire Strikes Back]] ==
There is an ongoing edit war on this page. Could someone please do something about it? [[User:Dronebogus|Dronebogus]] ([[User talk:Dronebogus|talk]]) 07:54, 15 April 2026 (UTC)
:I have applied Autopatrolled-level page protection for two weeks due to the ongoing edit war. {{Ping|~2026-23217-19|AdamDeanHall}} Please use the talk page to discuss changes and reach consensus before making further edits. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 09:41, 15 April 2026 (UTC)
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User:Ясамойла
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Жыву ў Эўропе.
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{{User Wikiquotian For|year=2026|month=04|day=30}}</br>
{{user en-2}}</br>
{{user be-4}}</br>
{{user ru-4}}</br>
{{User stomp footnotes}}</br>
{{Hotcat}}</br>
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Жыву ў Эўропе.
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<div style="float: right; border: 1px solid #ccc; padding: 3px; background: #f6f6f6; margin-left: 10px;">
{{User Wikiquotian For|year=2026|month=04|day=30}}</br>
{{user en-2}}</br>
{{user be-4}}</br>
{{user ru-4}}</br>
{{User stomp footnotes}}</br>
{{Hotcat}}</br>
{{user contrib|6}}
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Жыву ў Эўропе.
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Mylene Paat
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Filipinayzd
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#SheSaid #WikiLovesFilipinas
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'''[[w:Mylene Paat|Mylene Balan Paat]]''' (born April 5, 1994) is a Filipina professional volleyball player for the Farm Fresh Foxies of the Premier Volleyball League (PVL). At the collegiate level, she played for the Adamson Lady Falcons indoor volleyball and beach volleyball teams. She also represented the Philippines women's national volleyball team.
==Quotes==
*Mental strength is everything, especially after an injury like this. This was the most major injury I’ve ever had. But I think it actually helped me become mentally tougher. I learned a lot about patience, especially since my recovery took so long.
**[https://sports.inquirer.net/644221/pvl-mylene-paat-grateful-to-be-back-after-long-layoff-due-to-injury PVL: Mylene Paat ‘grateful’ to be back after long layoff due to injury] Inquirer
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Paat, Mylene}}
[[Category:1994 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Sportspeople from the Philippines]]
[[Category:Volleyballers]]
[[Category:Women from the Philippines]]
[[Category:Women in sports]]
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Template:User be-4
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{{userbox-level
| level = 4
| id = be
| info = Гэты ўдзельнік валодае '''[[:Category:User be|беларускаю моваю]]''' амаль як '''[[:Category:User be-4|роднаю]]'''.
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User:Ясамойла/sandbox
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Тут можна пісаці.
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Obed Macy
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Ficaia
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Created page with "'''[[wikidata:Q109858108|Obed Macy]]''' (1762–1844) was an American merchant and writer from Nantucket, Massachusetts. == Quotes == * In the year 1690, the same in which Ichabod Paddock was sent for from Cape Cod, ... some persons were on a high hill, afterwards called Folly House Hill, observing the whales spouting and sporting with each other, when one observed "''there''," pointing to the sea, "''is a green pasture where our children's grand-children will go for b..."
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'''[[wikidata:Q109858108|Obed Macy]]''' (1762–1844) was an American merchant and writer from Nantucket, Massachusetts.
== Quotes ==
* In the year 1690, the same in which Ichabod Paddock was sent for from Cape Cod, ... some persons were on a high hill, afterwards called Folly House Hill, observing the whales spouting and sporting with each other, when one observed "''there''," pointing to the sea, "''is a green pasture where our children's grand-children will go for bread.''"
** ''The History of Nantucket'' (Boston: Hilliard, Gray, and Co., 1835), p. 33. Appended, along with many other cetaceous quotations, to ''[[Moby-Dick]]'' (1851), "Extracts (Supplied by a Sub-Sub-Librarian)"
== External links ==
* {{Wikidata-inline|Q109858108}}
[[Category:1762 births]]
[[Category:1844 deaths]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:People from Massachusetts]]
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Sheena (singer)
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Maffeth.opiana
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'''[[w:Sheena (singer)|Sheena Mae Manuel Catacutan]]''' (born May 9, 2004), known mononymously as Sheena, is a Filipino singer and dancer under Star Music. She is the youngest member, main dancer, and one of the sub vocalists of the Filipino girl group Bini. She was a contestant on Pinoy Big Brother: Otso (2018) with fellow Bini member, Gwen Apuli.
==Quotes==
*Thank you for making me feel what it feels like to have a complete family again. It is an honor for my life to be featured and be an inspiration to everyone.
**[https://www.abs-cbn.com/entertainment/showbiz/celebrities/2025/5/5/bini-sheena-on-being-featured-in-mmk-you-have-healed-me-in-ways-i-never-thought-i-needed-1332 BINI Sheena on being featured in MMK: ‘You have healed me in ways I never thought I needed’] ABS-CBN
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Sheena}}
[[Category:2004 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
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Mel Bradford
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Ficaia
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Created page with "'''[[w:Mel Bradford|Melvin Eustace Bradford]]''' (May 8, 1934 – March 3, 1993) was an American conservative author, political commentator and professor of literature at the University of Dallas. == Quotes == * [[Equality]] as a moral or political imperative, pursued as an end in itself — Equality, with the capital "E" — is the antonym of every legitimate conservative principle. Contrary to most Liberals, new and old, it is nothing less than sophistry to distingui..."
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'''[[w:Mel Bradford|Melvin Eustace Bradford]]''' (May 8, 1934 – March 3, 1993) was an American conservative author, political commentator and professor of literature at the University of Dallas.
== Quotes ==
* [[Equality]] as a moral or political imperative, pursued as an end in itself — Equality, with the capital "E" — is the antonym of every legitimate conservative principle. Contrary to most Liberals, new and old, it is nothing less than sophistry to distinguish between equality of opportunity (equal starts in the "race of life") and equality of condition (equal results). For '''only those who are equal can take equal advantage of a given circumstance.''' And there is no man equal to any other, except perhaps in the special, and politically untranslatable, understanding of the Deity. Not intellectually or physically or economically or even morally. Not equal! Such is, of course, the genuinely self-evident proposition. Its truth finds a verification in our bones and is demonstrated in the unselfconscious acts of our everyday lives: vital proof, regardless of our private political persuasion. Incidental equality, engendered by the pursuit of other objectives, is, to be sure, another matter. Inside the general history of the West (and especially within the American experience) it can be credited with a number of healthy consequences: strength in the bonds of community, assent to the authority of honorable regimes, faith in the justice of the gods.{{pb}}But the equality of Professor Jaffa's essay, even in the ordinary sense of "equal rights", can be expected to work the other way around. For this [[equality]] belongs to the post-Renaissance world of ideology — of political magic and the alchemical "science" of politics. Envy is the basis of its broad appeal. And rampant envy, the besetting virus of modern society, is the most predictable result of insistence upon its realization. Furthermore, hue and cry over equality of opportunity and equal rights leads, ''a fortiori'', to a final demand for equality of condition. Under its pressure self respect gives way in the large majority of men who have not reached the level of their expectation, who have no support from an inclusive identity, and who hunger for "revenge" on those who occupy a higher station and will (they expect) continue to enjoy that advantage. The end result is visible in the spiritual proletarians of the "lonely crowd." [[Bertrand de Jouvenel]] has described the process which produces such non-persons in his memorable study, ''On Power''. They are the natural pawns of an impersonal and omnicompetent Leviathan. And to insure their docility such a state is certain to recruit a large "new class" of men, persons superior in "ability" and authority, both to their ostensible "masters" among the people and to such anachronisms as stand in their progressive way.{{pb}}Such is the evidence of the recent past and particularly of American history. Arrant individualism, fracturing and then destroying the hope of amity and confederation, the communal bond and the ancient vision of the good society as an extrapolation from family, is one villain in this tale. Another is rationalized cowardice, shame, and ingratitude hidden behind the disguise of self-sufficiency or the mask of injured merit. Interdependence, which secures dignity and makes of equality a mere irrelevance, is the principal victim.
** ''A Better Guide than Reason: Studies in the American Revolution'' (La Salle, IL: Sherwood Sugden & Company, 1979), "The Heresy of Equality: A Reply to Harry Jaffa", pp. 29–30. This essay is a direct response to [[Harry V. Jaffa|Harry Jaffa]]'s "Equality as a Conservative Principle", ''Loyola of Los Angeles Law Review'', VIII (June, 1975), pp. 471-505, which is itself a critique of ''The Basic Symbols of the American Political Tradition'' by [[Willmoore Kendall]] and George W. Carey (1970)
== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
[[Category:1934 births]]
[[Category:1993 deaths]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:Academics from the United States]]
[[Category:University of Dallas faculty]]
[[Category:University of Oklahoma alumni]]
[[Category:Vanderbilt University alumni]]
[[Category:People from Texas]]
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Talk:Sofia the First
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~2026-25703-29
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/* There should be more articles for other Disney Junior TV shows. */ new section
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== There should be more articles for other Disney Junior TV shows. ==
Great job with trying to create the Sofia the First article, but I feel like there should be more Wikiquote articles for other TV shows or movies (if there are any) from Disney Junior. Here's a suggestion list I made.
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Mickey and the Roadster Racers
Minnie's Bow Toons
Mickey Mouse Funhouse
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse+
Doc McStuffins
Little Einsteins
Handy Manny
Jake and the Never Land Pirates
Elena of Avalor
Muppet Babies
Fancy Nancy
Vampirina
Special Agent Oso
Alice's Wonderland Bakery
Puppy Dog Pals
Spidey and His Amazing Friends
Hey AJ!
[[Special:Contributions/~2026-25703-29|~2026-25703-29]] ([[User talk:~2026-25703-29|talk]]) 21:07, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
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== There should be more articles for other Disney Junior TV shows. ==
Great job with trying to create the Sofia the First article, but I feel like there should be more Wikiquote articles for other TV shows or movies (if there are any) from Disney Junior. Here's a suggestion list I made.
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Mickey and the Roadster Racers
Minnie's Bow Toons
Mickey Mouse Funhouse
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse+
Doc McStuffins
Little Einsteins
Handy Manny
Jake and the Never Land Pirates
Sheriff Callie's Wild West
Elena of Avalor
Muppet Babies
Fancy Nancy
Vampirina
Special Agent Oso
Alice's Wonderland Bakery
Puppy Dog Pals
Spidey and His Amazing Friends
Hey AJ!
[[Special:Contributions/~2026-25703-29|~2026-25703-29]] ([[User talk:~2026-25703-29|talk]]) 21:07, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
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Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 2026
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Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Olive Mugenda
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GrimRob
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VfD: Olive Mugenda
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== [[:Olive Mugenda]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:42, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
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GrimRob
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Adding nominator vote
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== [[:Olive Mugenda]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:42, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
: '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:42, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
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Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Anna Mghwira
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GrimRob
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== [[:Anna Mghwira]] ==
notability/quotability — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:45, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
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2026-04-30T21:45:36Z
GrimRob
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== [[:Anna Mghwira]] ==
notability/quotability — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:45, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
: '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 21:45, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 22:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
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Wikiquote:Quote of the day/May 1, 2026
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Kalki
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Created page with "{{Wikiquote:Quote of the day/Template | image1 = Joseph Heller circa 1979.jpg | image1px = 222px | image2 = Joseph Heller1986 crop.jpg | image2px = 272px | quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The only [[wisdom]] I think I've attained is the wisdom to be [[skeptical]] of other people's [[ideology]] and other people's [[arguments]]. I tend to be a skeptic, I don't like [[dogmatic]] approaches by anybody. I don't like [[intolerance]] and a dogmatic person is intolerant of other peop..."
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{{Wikiquote:Quote of the day/Template
| image1 = Joseph Heller circa 1979.jpg
| image1px = 222px
| image2 = Joseph Heller1986 crop.jpg
| image2px = 272px
| quote = <!-- ⨀ <br /> -->The only [[wisdom]] I think I've attained is the wisdom to be [[skeptical]] of other people's [[ideology]] and other people's [[arguments]]. I tend to be a skeptic, I don't like [[dogmatic]] approaches by anybody. I don't like [[intolerance]] and a dogmatic person is intolerant of other people.<!-- It's one of the reasons I keep a distance from all religious beliefs. -->
| author = Joseph Heller
}}
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Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Clarice Palce
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2026-04-30T22:05:54Z
GrimRob
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== [[:Clarice Palce]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:05, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 23:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
atewe0hupbegr62b9s8h4oeh4evkz6u
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GrimRob
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== [[:Clarice Palce]] ==
Not notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:05, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
: '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:05, 30 April 2026 (UTC)
<small>'''Vote closes''': 23:00, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</small>
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John Abraham
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Saroj
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[[File:JohnAbraham.jpg|thumb|Abraham in 2013]]
'''[[w:John Abraham|John Abraham]]''' (born 17 December 1972) is an Indian actor, writer and film producer who works in [[Bollywood|Hindi films]]. He is a recipient of one [[w:National Film Award|National Film Award]] along with four Filmfare Awards nominations. Abraham has appeared in ''[[w:Forbes India|Forbes India]]''{{'s}} ''[[w:Forbes Celebrity 100|Celebrity 100]]'' list since 2017.
{{actor-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* School is a great leveller where you are known not by the money you have, but by how good you are in sport, not even studies. At school, even though I travelled in trains and buses, I got all the attention being the football captain.
** Priya Gupta (6 December 2012). [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/bollywood/news/hrithik-is-more-good-looking-than-me-john-abraham/articleshow/17490662.cms "Hrithik is more good-looking than me: John Abraham"]. ''The Times of India''.
** On his school days at Bombay Scottish.
* I have been offered films from Hollywood since 2006. The only difference is, I've never mentioned it or spoken about it. My aspirations are very simple. I want to make a film out of here that's world standard. That will make me very happy.
** [https://www.ndtv.com/entertainment/why-john-abraham-didnt-accept-hollywood-films-in-the-past-1432427 "Why John Abraham Didn't Accept Hollywood Films in the Past"]. ''NDTV''. 17 July 2016.
** On turning down Hollywood offers in favour of making world-class Indian cinema.
* I have probably been criticised the most in this industry, from the time I started. For me, it was simple. I was like a horse with blinkers. I could only see in front, and didn't expect. I have never had a publicist. I don't go out there to feed stories in the media; it could make me vulnerable as well, but I think people know my integrity and where I come from.
** Choudhury, Anjali (February 16, 2026). [https://www.ndtv.com/entertainment/john-abraham-on-working-with-male-co-stars-amid-criticism-i-am-comfortable-around-guys-even-kissed-abhishek-11012127 "John Abraham On Working With Male Co-Stars Amid Criticism: 'I Am Comfortable Around Guys, Even Kissed Abhishek'"]. ''NDTV''.
** On navigating criticism as an outsider in Bollywood, at the SCREEN Masterclass.
== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Abraham, John}}
[[Category:1972 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Actors from India]]
[[Category:Film producers from India]]
[[Category:Models from India]]
[[Category:People from Mumbai]]
[[Category:United Nations goodwill ambassadors]]
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Mohammad Harun Hossain
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306854
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2026-05-01T04:46:31Z
Chowdhury Adil
3265083
/* */
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'''Mohammad Harun Hossain''' is a Bangladeshi Islamic scholar, speaker, and preacher known for his contributions to Islamic education and da‘wah.
== Quotes ==
{{Q|Knowledge without sincerity is a burden, and sincerity without knowledge is misguidance.}}
{{Q|The Qur’an is not only for recitation; it is a guide for life.}}
{{Q|A believer’s strength lies in patience, truthfulness, and reliance upon Allah.}}
{{Q|The revival of the Ummah begins with correcting faith and knowledge.}}
{{Q|Seeking Islamic knowledge is the path to understanding the purpose of life.}}
== About Mohammad Harun Hossain ==
{{Q|Mohammad Harun Hossain is recognized for his dedication to Islamic teaching and public speaking in Bangladesh.}}
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Robert M. La Follette Sr
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IOHANNVSVERVS
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#REDIRECT[[Robert M. La Follette Sr.]]
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Black-ish (season 3)
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~2026-22475-30
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Created page with "{{italic title}} ---- :'''Seasons''': [[Black-ish (season 1)|1]] [[Black-ish (season 2)|2]] [[Black-ish (season 3)|3]] [[Black-ish (season 4)|4]] [[Black-ish (season 5)|5]] [[Black-ish (season 6)|6]] [[Black-ish (season 7)|7]] [[Black-ish (season 8)|8]] | [[Black-ish|Main]] ---- '''''[[Black-ish]]''''' (2014–2022) is an American long-running sitcom aired on ABC. == Season 3 == ===''VIP'' [3.1]=== ===''God'' [3.2]=== ===''40 Acres and a Vote''' [3.3]=== ===''Who's A..."
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{{italic title}}
----
:'''Seasons''': [[Black-ish (season 1)|1]] [[Black-ish (season 2)|2]] [[Black-ish (season 3)|3]] [[Black-ish (season 4)|4]] [[Black-ish (season 5)|5]] [[Black-ish (season 6)|6]] [[Black-ish (season 7)|7]] [[Black-ish (season 8)|8]] | [[Black-ish|Main]]
----
'''''[[Black-ish]]''''' (2014–2022) is an American long-running sitcom aired on ABC.
== Season 3 ==
===''VIP'' [3.1]===
===''God'' [3.2]===
===''40 Acres and a Vote''' [3.3]===
===''Who's Afraid of the Big Black Man'' [3.4]===
===''The Purge'' [3.5]===
===''Jack of All Trades'' [3.6]===
===''Auntsgiving'' [3.7]===
===''Being Bow-racial'' [3.8]===
===''Nothing but Nepotism'' [3.9]===
===''Just Christmas, Baby'' [3.10]===
===''Their Eyes Were Watching Screens'' [3.11]===
===''Lemons'' [3.12]===
===''Good Dre Hunting'' [3.13]===
:'''Bow''': I'm going to therapy. I'll be back for dinner.
:'''Dre''': All right, baby. Have a good session.
:'''Bow''': Thanks.
===''The Name Game'' [3.14]===
===''I'm a Survivor'' [3.15]===
===''One Angry Man'' [3.16]===
===''ToysRn'tUs'' [3.17]===
===''Maternity'' [3.18]===
===''Richard Youngsta'' [3.19]===
===''What Lies Beneath'' [3.20]===
===''Sister, Sister'' [3.21]===
===''All Groan Up'' [3.22]===
===''Liberal Arts'' [3.23]===
===''Sprinkles'' [3.24]===
[[Category:Black-ish seasons]]
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